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Chapter Text

Captain’s Log Stardate 8401.2

“After completion of our shakedown cruise, we are in route to Starbase Nineteen bringing supplies and an exchange of personnel. The last few weeks have been interesting for the senior officers adjusting to the change in their roles. Commander Uhura is functioning well as First Officer and Lieutenant Chekov is doing well as Chief of Security. Captain Spock has indicated he appreciates functioning in the role as Chief of Sciences. And our Captain Scott is in his element in Engineering. Our Medical Department is well staffed, including McCoy as CMO who would be at the rank of captain but he vehemently argues ‘There are too many damn Captains aboard this ship.’  Healer T’Lyn and Dr. Bolton round out our staff there. My role as Fleet Captain has forced me to give up many of my responsibilities as the Enterprise Captain. However, I am grateful to simply be aboard her. I do miss having Sulu at the helm, but I believe he is where he needs to be as Captain of the Excelsior.”

A sharp point sank into his right thigh and Kirk pulled away with a bleak cry. The motion sent him into the path of another barbed edge of rock that sliced his left shoulder. The young captain froze, his whole-body trembling with the effort to remain in control.  The only sound he could hear was his own breathing, fast and strained. There was no light, no motion in his solitary hell, just him and the maze. A labyrinth filled with deadly objects and pitfalls; one he had been forced to traverse almost continuously since his internment by the Xindi aliens.

Kirk awkwardly sank to the floor. His arms were chained just above his elbows behind his back, allowing him limited use of his hands. The chain was attached to one wrapping around his throat. Any excessive reaching or sudden movement on his part resulted in paroxysms of choking.

He knew that his rest period would come to an end soon. If he remained stationary for too long, a swarm of parasites would be attracted to his warmth. The small, round creature similar to a giant tick would try to attach to his skin causing irritation. When possible, Kirk would attempt to dislodge it before it became attached. The captain was aware of one on his back growing larger and Kirk wondered if it was sucking on his blood like a tick did on his dog once when he was a boy.

He lay there, his mind remembering the farm he had grown up on, wondering what his parents were doing now. He felt his lips tick up in a tremulous smile as he thought about the last time his dad had hugged him at the ceremony for his captaincy of the Enterprise.

Kirk forced his way back to his feet. The motion caused him to choke, and he coughed painfully. The deadly darkness had become his real enemy now, more so than the physical dangers of this maze. He had lost all sense of time, unsure whether he had been here for days, weeks or months. Poisonous thoughts crawled around in his mind, his will to fight weakened by the continued torture.

“My ship.” The captain whispered hoarsely, forcing his spiraling thoughts to remain on his ship. He had to keep going.

Taking a shallow breath, Kirk moved. Reach out a few centimeters; feel with the limited use of his hands. Take a cautious step. Another step. Three steps without encountering an obstacle. Maybe this time he would make it to the end point of the maze and find water and possibly food.

A sharp point from out of nowhere jabbed his face, near his eyes. The captain stumbled back and lodged himself on a row of teeth-like projections down the length of one leg. He bit his lip as he pulled his leg free. Blood flowed from the cut below his eye.

Afraid to move again, Kirk stayed still, his head falling wearily against his chest. He could feel drops of blood sliding down his cheek. “Why?” he whispered.

There was another question. Kirk frowned, attempted to force his exhausted thoughts beyond the last few seconds. Spock. Where was he? “Spock?” There was no answer to the soundless question, his throat was too dry.

One step. Pause. Search the few centimeters in front of him. Another step. Finally, he came to a smooth rock. If he had not lost his way, in the corner nearby would be a wooden bowl. Crawling, Kirk moved forward, slowly, cautiously. In the past, he had accidentally knocked the bowl over and spilled the water. There were no replacements. His tongue cracked and dry, he could not chance upsetting the precious liquid.

There. Kirk felt the edges of the bowl with his hands. Unable to lift the bowl to his lips without spilling some of it on his knees, he leaned down to lap the precious liquid. Drinking every drop, Kirk sank down to rest beside the empty vessel. His silent tormentors would allow him a few minutes of rest before forcing him to traverse the maze once again. His eyes slid closed, all thoughts coming to a weary halt.

Kirk sat up on the side of their bed, his breathing harsh. He tried without success to keep from disturbing his bondmate, Spock sat up beside him, wrapping his arms around the gasping human.

“Jim? What is it?”

Giving an embarrassed laugh, Kirk put his hands over Spock’s arms. “A dream. Nightmare. From long ago.”  He shivered and leaned into the solid warmth.

Taking a few moments to slow his breathing, the captain straightened, pulling out of Spock’s supportive embrace. He said quietly, “I might as well get dressed. I promised Uhura I’d be on the bridge early this morning. She will come in later to take over the con so we can attend our appointment with McCoy and Healer T’Lyn.”

Spock stood, caressing Kirk’s jaw. “You still have an hour before your first shift begins. Would you share with me why the dream distressed you?”

Frowning, the captain turned away, taking a couple of steps toward the fresher. He stopped, “It was about Xindi.” He shrugged. “I felt like I was back there.”

The Vulcan followed him, pulling Kirk back into his arms. “I am unaware of you having dreams relating to that mission.”

Kirk met the caring eyes, twisting his mouth into a mangled grin. “I haven’t. Strange that I did so now.” He shrugged, and then his shoulders straightened. “See you in sickbay at 0900 hours?”

Spock nodded. He stopped the captain as he turned toward the fresher, kissing the enticing lips. A moan escaped the human after a few seconds.

Kirk grasped his shoulders, pushing Spock gently back. “I think the crew would be shocked by how often you are the instigator for us to be late to the bridge.”

Spock caressed the strong jaw, his stern lips lifting in a smile. “They would not believe you, Jim.”

Kirk chuckled, moving to the shower. He was surprised when his bondmate sighed almost heavily. Hesitating, the captain glanced back seeing concerned eyes still watching him.

“I can hold off another thirty minutes. What is bothering you?”

He did not miss the flush of green in Spock’s ears. Grasping the slender fingers, he pulled Spock to sit on their couch. “Tell me.” He said gently.

“Since leaving Earth three months ago, even though we share quarters, our time together is limited.”

Surprised, Kirk started to argue but stopped himself. “I didn’t realize. It’s been so busy. And I’ve been grateful we have been able to spend most nights together.”

Spock started to speak and then hesitated. He squeezed Jim’s hand and then stood. “You are correct. And it would be good for me to drop in on Science Lab Three early to provide support. You should go to the bridge.”

Standing, Kirk studied the Vulcan. “Ashaya. Will you share your thoughts with me?”

Within seconds, they were seated, facing each other. Kirk breathed deeply as Spock gently opened their link.

//I did not realize how long it has been since we melded. //

Spock drew him deeper into the meld, bringing them to an oasis they had created in the past. Arms around Kirk, he also breathed in deeply. //I find myself wishing for a ‘cuddle date’ in the last few weeks. We are both so occupied with duties, even with Uhura functioning as your first officer. I had thought my limited duties as Science Officer would give us both time to be together. //

//Your scent is so intoxicating. // Jim pulled him closer.  //I agree, we need a cuddle date or just a date. I’ve been so in demand; I did not realize how much we need this. I need this. //

The clear, distinct presence of Spock’s thoughts steadied him. Kirk felt himself being surrounded with an influx of caring, love and desire. Concern flared.

//You have been working longer hours Jim than I have recently. Your duties as Fleet Captain have been more taxing than I expected. //

A burst of rapid-fire thoughts was suppressed, Kirk caught off guard by his observation. He grew silent, retreating to their oasis, stopping to enjoy the unusual garden both Spock and his mind had created.

Spock felt a smile flow between them. Jim joining him, his thoughts entwining easily. Bits of music mixed with fluctuating colors surrounded the Vulcan. He allowed a pulse of his love to flow between them and was immediately inundated with the explosion of Kirk’s joyful affection.

They both withdrew from the meld, smiles still on their faces. Kirk drew a hand down his jaw and then kissed him lightly. “Tonight. Nineteen hundred hours. Dinner here for a long overdue date. We can discuss how to increase our quality time together.”

“K’diwa.” Spock said simply.

They drew apart yet a residue of their link remained vibrantly open between them, allowing them to appreciate the love they both shared.

In sickbay, Kirk leaned forward excitedly, reaching toward the screen McCoy was showing them. “You think we can do this? I can carry a baby to term?”

“Well, we don’t have all the questions answered yet. But yes, I think it may be possible.”

Spock said quietly, “You believe it is safer for Jim to carry the child? Safer for Jim or the child?”

“Both.” T’Lyn joined the conversation. “Spock, due to your hybrid physiology, it would constitute difficulties with carrying the child, and may not support the child as needed.”

Kirk rested a hand on Spock’s fingers. Spock persisted, “How safe will it be for Jim?”

“The biggest issues will be rejection of the ovarian implant and then the embryo’s genetic tissue.”

Studying the screen again with the description of the implant, the captain settled into his chair, unable to contain a wide grin. “When? How soon can we do this?”

T’Lyn’s eyebrows rose upward. “You are being precipitous. We will continue to review and investigate the options. If an implant is the safest option, we will need to return to Starfleet Central Medical for the insertion. I do anticipate another year to explore the research.”

Drawing a breath, Kirk’s shoulders fell. “Okay. But at least we can consider the option.”

McCoy forced a smile, “We needed to know if you would consider carrying a child.” The doctor glanced up at the stoic Vulcan. “I’m sorry Spock but I don’t see any way for you to safely carry a baby.”

Spock nodded. “Understood. Although I share Jim’s enthusiasm for this option, I must state I will only support this if Jim’s life is not at risk with this procedure.”

A chime sounded, Uhura’s voice calling the captain.

“Kirk here.”

“The Admiralty is requesting to speak with you. We have new orders.”

“Be right there.” Kirk stood, gathering Spock up with a glance. Heading for the exit, Kirk turned back, pausing to place a hand on McCoy’s shoulder. “Thank you, my friend. And my gratitude Healer T’Lyn.”

Captain Kirk relayed the next mission to his senior officers. As his team filed out of the briefing room, McCoy sat in stunned silence, his eyes on his folded hands. Kirk finished talking with Uhura and then came and sat at his side.

“You okay Bones?”

He drew a breath, running a hand over his face. “I should be asking you that, Jim. Both you and Spock.”

Kirk shrugged, his eyes straying to the bulkhead. “It’ll be okay. Let’s get together later and talk about it. A lot of my memories are pretty buried, never wanted to drag them up. But you know the one positive memory is how you managed to salvage my command relationship with Spock and our friendship. I don’t think we’d be here today if it wasn’t for you.”

McCoy shook his head. “Give me some time, Jim. Need to get my head on straight. I’ll review my records. What I want to know is after all these years, why do the Xindi want to meet with you? Especially after torturing both you and Spock.”

“It doesn’t make sense. Nor am I pleased with returning there. But the Ambassador, the same young Vulcan, Sudoc, we saved when we were there, has requested specifically me and sends assurances of our safety.”

The CMO shook his head before growling, “I am having difficulty reconciling this with my own memories.”

The captain stood, resting a hand on his friend’s shoulder. “We have four days before we arrive. How about Spock and I meet with you after shift tomorrow? We can have a private dinner while we talk.”

“Sure.” Even though Kirk didn’t seem to be bothered by the mission, McCoy couldn’t keep his concern from showing. 

Spock was almost taciturn through the rest of the shift. The captain tracked down Commander Uhura, and requested she finish the shift. 

Approaching the Vulcan, he didn’t hesitate, simply grasped his arm and tugged him to the turbolift. Startled, Spock stated, “I am completing our schedule for Starbase Nineteen. Our new mission requires us to complete our tasks efficiently to be on time for the Xindi mission. I must complete it now.”

Grimacing, Kirk turned to their communications officer. “Ensign, call Lieutenant Ridener to the bridge.” He turned back to Spock. “She has been working with you on this report?” At his nod, he held Spock’s eyes, “Then let your assistant Science Officer do her stuff. Laurel is more than capable.”

The captain understood his reluctance had nothing to do with the report. Spock was avoiding the issue at hand. “Spock, we need to discuss the upcoming mission. We can do it in the ready room or my office.”

Pressing his lips together in what Kirk considered overt annoyance, Spock replied. “I will meet you in your office in thirty minutes.”

Twisting his lips with his own frustration at the stubborn Vulcan, thirty minutes would mean Spock would complete the shift. Kirk said quietly, “Fifteen minutes.”

Heading for the turbolift, he was stopped by Uhura who was now sitting in the command chair. “Jim, I am working on pulling up the translations I developed for the Xindi people. Also Sudoc has provided information on their form of communications. I will have this before we arrive.”

Seeing the concerned look on her face, he smiled his thanks. He rested a hand on her shoulder briefly before exiting. With the concern radiating from Uhura and McCoy and Spock’s distraction, Kirk thought he was better prepared for this than all of them.

Spock drew a steadying breath before he entered their quarters choosing to enter their private doorway rather than the one to Kirk’s office. His inability to suppress his memories and the emotions they engendered regarding the mission from so many years ago was creating a need for meditation. A mission where Kirk and Spock had been tortured. And he had murdered several aliens in his attempt to free the captain and himself.

Inside, he was suddenly enveloped in a tight hug. Kirk gently guided his head to rest on the shorter man’s shoulder. Unable to accept the comfort, Spock stood rigidly in the arms, unmoving. 

The captain finally sighed patting him on the back before releasing him. “It appears you may benefit from meditation and not human support. I did not mean to push you. I will disappear for a while, get us something to eat. Back in two hours?”

Spock closed his eyes. “Jim, I—”

Kirk pulled him back into another brief hug. “It’s alright I’ll be back Ashaya.”

Brushing their fingers together, Spock whispered, “K’diwa.”

Retreating to the observation deck, Kirk sank into a chair. He drew a breath and decided to allow his thoughts to return to Xindi. The events occurred in the first few months of their initial five-year mission.

So early in his career as captain, the younger man had been learning to trust Spock but at times his pride had driven him to prove he was good enough to be the captain of the Enterprise.

Kirk smiled deprecatingly. He whispered, “Oh, to be young again and know what I know now.” He didn’t have to prove anything to be a good captain, just be brave, fair, kind and compassionate and to trust his crew as a part of his team. Kirk had learned the hard way, he didn’t always have to have the answers.

He spoke into the computer tie-in near his hand. “Computer, Personal Log Entry from Stardate 1423.7. An image appeared on the monitor on the table in front of him, Kirk grimaced as he stared at his bloody, bruised younger self. He looked impossibly young. Almost a boy.

“Captain Kirk recording events from Xindi. Lieutenant Commander Spock and I were headed back to the Enterprise from a debriefing on Starbase 6. We received a distress call from a planet with very little charted information. On the planet, near a crashed ship, we found three bodies which were shredded by something with formidable claws. We were unable to locate the fourth. Spock managed to download information from the ship and discovered a Vulcan youth was on board the ship.”

Memory swirled, Kirk remembering their shock at this information. Just a month before an alert had gone out about the missing Vulcan. The youth’s father was a revered scientist at the Vulcan Science Academy. He had tried to ask Spock about why the boy would be here, but the Vulcan had been brusque, not offering an answer.

They discovered ruins nearby. Inside Kirk moved to brush his fingers over a large wall of glowing crystal. It had a pinkish, golden glow and was cold to his touch. Spock joined him and seemed to be drawn to the wall of shining crystal. Placing his hand on the wall he frowned, and for a moment, Kirk watched his fingers disappear into the crystal. 

Kirk had grabbed his arm, pulling him back. Disoriented, the dark eyes flew to his face. “There is a Vulcan presence locked inside here, held prisoner.”

They were suddenly surrounded by tall aliens almost antlike in appearance, approximately 8 feet tall. Numerous limbs with sharp claws They carried spears, pointing them menacingly. Outnumbered, Kirk held out his hands, explaining who they were. There were clicking sounds between the aliens and unexpectedly, the beings dropped to the ground onto their jointed legs. They clicked excitedly as another alien approached. This one wearing an assortment of cloths and a large pink glowing pendant. Moving closer to the men, the pink stone grew brighter. 

Spock was drawn to the stone, edging closer to the alien. The crystal on the wall of the cave began to glow brighter and the alien pushed Spock against the wall, his hand and shoulder disappearing inside the crystal.

Kirk yelled out and attempted to grab him. One of the tall beings clamped his claw painfully on his arm, cutting through his skin. He struggled, managing to grab Spock’s hand as the crystal continued to pull him inside.

Another alien clamped a claw onto his shoulder and Kirk could not keep from screaming. It felt like something was cutting through his tendons down to the bone. Then another appendage wavered in front of his face and latched onto his cheek. This one stung, sending waves of paralyzing fear throughout his body and he crumpled to his knees.

Suddenly Spock was beside him, free of the crystal. He pushed the aliens back, dropping to Kirk’s side on the ground. Terror still pulsed through him, and Kirk did not have the strength or ability to resist. He lay on the rough ground, crumpled in shock and his heart pounding in overwhelming fear.

Another presence joined him, drawing Kirk away from the memories. He leaned into the strong arms, resting his head on the blue clad shoulder behind him. “You okay?”

He felt rather than heard Spock’s intake of breath. His bondmate shook his head. “I believe I should ask you. I have not been as supportive as you needed.”

Kirk moved to sit on a nearby couch, pulling Spock down to sit beside him.  Pressing a chaste kiss to the dry lips, he said, “It’s weird the dream this morning was about this. I haven’t thought about that damned planet in years.”

“Nor have I. I was dismayed with how the news of this mission has disturbed me. The shock for you must be overwhelming yet you seem somewhat calm.”

Kirk shrugged. “I’m not happy about the mission. But with both you and McCoy to back me up, I should be okay. Bones seemed pretty bothered by this earlier. I told him we’d talk about it together tomorrow after shift.”

“I plan to review my reports and recordings of Xindi. I wasn’t sure if you would want to join me?”

Nodding, Kirk stood, turning to pull Spock into his arms. “Not much of a cuddle date.” He said ruefully. Tilting his head, he smiled, “But if you’re with me, I’m willing.”

McCoy turned away from treating the minor injury on a young engineering tech. He could not seem to stop the heavy sigh as he headed for his office. The light tread of footsteps following him did not penetrate his dark thoughts.

“McCoy. You are distressed. You have been since you returned from the senior staff meeting.”

The doctor tried to smile but only managed to tighten his lips. “Yes T’Lyn. Our next mission is disturbing. On a professional and personal level.”

“Perhaps if you explained?”

Shaking his head, he said, “I haven’t figured out how to explain it to myself yet.”

He was surprised when T’Lyn touched his hand. “You are implying your thoughts are in disorder. I am willing to listen and if needed assist with prioritizing your concerns.”

He gave a strangled laugh. “Yeah, I don’t think that’s wise. You have dealt with my illogical thoughts in the past, but this is on a whole different level of scale.”

“I remind you. I accompanied you on a personal mission to the Vulcan High Council to discuss your friend’s sexual relationship. I believe this was considered an illogical act by many.”

A genuine smile crossed his face. “Point taken.” Drawing a breath, he nodded. “If you’re game, lets head to the private lounge in the observation room?”

T’Lyn squeezed his hand before nodding. She was surprised when there was a spark of electricity between them. She had met McCoy for the first time two point two years before. They had exchanged papers on her current research. And then they had worked together to help both Spock and Kirk in their recovery after the Fal Tor Pan and correct the wrongs perpetrated on them by T’Sul.

Since joining this mission on the Enterprise, she was aware of the increasing rapport between them in the last three point two months. However, her reaction to touching him had awakened a new awareness. She drew a calming breath. “I am gratified. I will meet you there in fifteen minutes. I shall bring the food; you bring the beverages.”

McCoy grinned at her. “Excellent! However, as you well know, please leave the Plomeek soup off the menu. I have grown to dislike the aroma.”

Seated across a low table, the two doctors ate their food with little conversation. T’Lyn gathered their dishes and returned them to the recycler. McCoy leaned forward, explaining. “We have been ordered to return to a planet called Xindi. Captain Kirk and Spock were tortured and held prisoner there. It was over sixteen years ago. I had just joined the ship and it happened in the first few months of our five-year mission. This is my log when I retrieved the captain from a freighter ship after being rescued from Xindi. It includes Jim’s attempt to record his report right after an old miner ship rescued them before I got to him.

Watching Kirk attempt to record his impressions of Xindi was nearly impossible for McCoy to watch again after all these years. The words were disjointed, Kirk frequently seeming to lose his train of thought. McCoy’s fingers tightened into fists, and he fought to keep his face expressionless.

The captain was explaining, “I was restrained…the chains choked me if I moved wrong.” Kirk reached up to touch his throat, the area not only abraded but deeply cut in places, attesting to the cruel restraints. “The rocks had razor sharp edges. I had to be careful not to…not to brush against them.” His voice was raspy and at times no sound emerged. He continued, whispering, “The Xindi seemed to not be affected by their sharpness, they could climb straight up walls that would have sliced right through a human’s skin.”

Kirk stopped, his face twisting with concern, his eyes focusing beyond the pickup. “Spock, you’re hurt. You shouldn’t—”

A container of water was handed to Kirk, the slender dirt-encrusted hand touching the captain’s fingers briefly. The captain took a sip choking painfully. Opening his eyes, the lashes glimmering with unshed moisture. “Thanks,” he whispered.

He raised bloody fingers to press against his mouth unable to keep a moan from escaping.

The hazel eyes dropped down, his words clearer after drinking the water. “There was a maze inside this cavern. Pitch black for the most part but sometimes I could see statues and carved images. There was a pit full of odorous liquid…don’t know how deep it was. I remember falling, sometimes long distances before a Xindi would grab me with one of their claws.” Kirk’s halting voice continued to grind out the words. “Then I fell in. It was vile, like rotting waste. I found what felt like a human arm. The sleeve was Starfleet. A Lieutenant Commander—” His voice trailed off. “I thought it was Spock’s arm. That he was d-dead.”

The captain rubbed a hand over his face and attempted to take another sip of water. The container slipped out of his hands, and he cried out in despair. “No.”

McCoy couldn’t remember Jim crying out in such anguish. His fingers clutched his thigh, his gut tightening, remembering how it had been to listen to this for the first time.

There was motion nearby and the container was retrieved and returned to Kirk’s hand. Pale green fingers wrapped around Kirk’s to help him drink. It was Spock helping Jim, despite his own critical injury. He drank slowly, grimacing with each swallow. “Spock, don’t. You might hurt yourself worse.”

After a few seconds, he doggedly continued. “I’m not sure how many days I was held captive. With the sensory depri—va—deprivation, I lost any sense of time. They wouldn’t let me sleep. Any time I remained motionless longer than a few minutes, these things, some sort of large bug would swarm over me. They attached to my skin very quickly. Burned…like hell. I couldn’t reach them to get them off.” Kirk expression reflected his revulsion.

McCoy grimaced. He tried to quell his shudder as he glanced up at T’Lyn. “There was a type of parasite which fed off his blood. They were attached deeply to first the skin and then through the layers affecting ligaments and nerves. I removed fourteen of them, anywhere from four to twelve centimeters in circumference. Worse was the deep cuts from the maze he was forced to traverse. They required multiple surgeries to repair nerves and tendons. There was a deep cut on his right shoulder cutting through his trapezius, clavicle and nicking the Brachial artery.”

Studying T’Lyn’s face, McCoy felt calmed by her gentle expression. He drew a breath and then pressed a sensor on the computer. “We were notified by a distress call from a trader ship that had retrieved Kirk and Spock from Xindi. This is my personal log when we arrived right after a Vulcan ship had taken Spock and the young Vulcan boy they had rescued. The boy, Sudoc, is now the Ambassador asking us to return.”

“Personal Log: Leonard McCoy recording.  We are rendezvousing with a small trader ship called the Napoleon in twenty minutes. Just over two days ago, this ship received a distress beacon from a planet called Xindi. They were able to rescue both Captain Kirk, Commander Spock and a twenty-three-year-old Vulcan. I only have sketchy information on their condition. There isn’t a physician on the ship. I was just informed a few minutes ago that the USS Intrepid had retrieved Spock from the Napoleon. Due to the critical nature of Spock’s injury, his heart, the Intrepid’s CMO left Jim behind so they could head directly for Vulcan. Do Vulcans even have a heart?”

McCoy glanced up guiltily at T’Lyn. “I’m sorry. This is unfiltered and I was just learning to know Spock.”

He relaxed when T’Lyn rested a hand on his arm. There was no censure in her expression as she said quietly, “Continue.”

“It would have meant a delay of no more than four hours, yet they left the captain on that derelict without medical assistance. The CMO did indicate Jim’s injuries were not of a life-threatening nature. Serving a ship full of Vulcans; is a Vulcan CMO even qualified to make that determination for a human? Damn.

“We didn’t even know the captain and Spock were in trouble. They had been ordered to Starbase Seven for debriefing while the Enterprise was completing repairs from the damage caused by the mission across the barrier. Apparently, they diverted to Xindi to answer a distress call. A Federation first contact survey ship with a crew of four were missing including a stowaway from Vulcan. That was over three weeks ago and due to missed communications, neither Starfleet Command nor we knew they were overdue. Enterprise still needed some finishing repairs but once Scotty understood what had happened, he immediately set course to meet up with the Napoleon. I just pray we’re not too late.”

McCoy shook his head, frowning. “You should have seen the ship I was beamed onto. The equipment was actually rusted, and it was used to beam me over. I shudder just to remember it. The transport tech had a long beard and hadn’t bathed in a long while. He introduced himself as Ravi and took me through a small hatchway. He told me he was the engineer but had been pressed into providing medical care because he had some basic medical training.”

The doctor couldn’t suppress a shudder at the memory. He tried to ask Kirk’s condition and the tech continued scuttling through the cramped hallways.

“I asked him twice what the captain’s condition was before he finally told me, “Look, I’m not a doctor or a nurse. I gave him the basic antibiotic that we carry on board. I kept him medicated to try to keep his fever down, but it hasn’t been working the last few hours. He’s been delirious whenever I’ve checked on him.”

McCoy shook his head remembering, “How did the Intrepid’s Healer decide he was stable if he had high temperature and was delirious?”

Starting the log again, he wrapped his arms around himself. He needed to listen to this before reviewing the events with Kirk and Spock tomorrow. But he had buried these memories and wasn’t sure he wanted to go there. How difficult it must be for his friends. He was grateful for T’Lyn’s silent, supportive presence.

Retreating to their quarters, they listened to Spock’s official log report of the events on Xindi. But halfway through the report, Kirk reached out and stopped the tape. “T’hy’la. Meld with me. Show me your memories.”

Spock drew a deep breath before nodding in agreement. They moved to the meditation alcove, needing the solitude and calm of the space provided. As he slid into his captain’s mind, Spock discovered it was more turbulent than he expected. Jim reached through to him, guiding him to their oasis for a few vital seconds.

//Show me your memories. I read your reports but believe they were abbreviated. //

//You are correct, Jim. Once we were separated, I was taken to a room and chained to a hook on his wall. I was forced to observe the aliens restraining you and imposing their will on you to traverse a maze. The scenes played constantly on the walls, showing you falling, being cut by multiple protrusions. They would let you fall into what I discovered was a pit of gruel being maintained for the larvae. //

Jim was shocked when repeated scenes appeared in Spock’s mind, showing how Kirk crawled, crying out every few seconds. There was a shiver as the captain remained still and creatures swarmed over him, attaching to the captain’s skin. This obviously caused pain as he tried to brush them away.

//Jim, this was repeated for days. The Queen forced me to watch your every move, torturing me with her words about how cruel I was to not help you.//

Kirk shuddered. //I didn’t know. Why was she doing this? How? //

An image of the necklace with glowing pink crystal appeared.

//The Queen controlled power through this crystal forcing the soldiers to work for her and taking from the land. She had increased her ability by imprisoning the girl and Sudoc and utilizing their mental facility. When she observed the crystal reacting to me, the Queen only desired the ultimate in resuming control of the planet. Her intentions would be harmful to all beings. I believed I would be helpless to resist her. When I refused, she immediately threatened you and used you as leverage to force me to submit. //

Feeling Spock’s regret in his role of allowing the captain to be tortured, Kirk drew his bondmate forcefully away from the images and back to their oasis.

 //I remember you saved me which nearly cost you your own life. //

//I was drawn into her power, when she allowed you to fall into the pit. I could not withstand your cry when you thought I was dead. //

//When I found what I thought was your arm. What happened? //

Images swirled around them again, Kirk drawn into them. Spock let out a feral yell and broke free of his chains and cell. Utilizing a neck pinch on the Queen, he had been surprised when it worked. Removing her necklace to prevent her from using it to harm more beings, Spock felt the power flow through him. The soldiers with her were easy to subdue.

Utilizing the abilities of the crystal, Spock located Kirk quickly, pulling him free of the pit of slime. He was forced to support the captain through the maze ignoring the repeated cuts he received from protruding sharpened objects.

Locating the exit to the underground cave, he was almost outside when Kirk had stopped him near the glowing crystal.

The captain had whispered. //The boy, he’s trapped. We need to save him. //

Spock wanted to resist, knowing their time was limited to seek freedom. He turned and approached the dimly lit crystal, the color almost a yellowish glow.

When he reached in, it took all his strength and he cried out, //I cannot. We must escape.//

It was Kirk who stood shakily, guiding Spock’s arm, both reaching together. They were able to capture the boy’s arm and with a tremendous pull, they brought the unresponsive Vulcan from the crystal. Spock was reaching down to pick up the boy when Kirk grabbed his arm, //There is someone else inside!//

He pushed an arm through and felt the energy absorbed from his body. He fell to his knees. The captain grasped his arm again. //Try!//

As they managed to extract a small child from the crystal, Spock moaned when they were surrounded by the Queen and her soldiers.

He felt for the crystal still on his neck and allowed the power to surge through his being. He could not allow Kirk to be harmed again by this evil being.

One of the soldiers clamped a claw savagely on the captain’s shoulder nearly severing the arm. The alien touched another stinger appendage to the captain’s jaw. Despite the injury to his shoulder it was only now when he cried out, falling to the floor in fear. Spock had learned their claws contained a chemical which resulted in paralyzing their prey. He had seen it work through her mind multiple times. He had experienced the effects twice while imprisoned.

With this image, Spock was unable to control the rage coursing through him. He knocked the one soldier to the floor, grabbing his sword and beheaded the aliens closest to Kirk. Then he grabbed the Queen and with the crystal throbbing both through her and him, he screamed as he savagely broke the necks of two more soldiers. The Queen pulled free from his hold to throw a weapon toward Kirk. Spock only had time to throw himself in front of the spear. The captain’s eyes were wide with shock, and he hid his head as the Vulcan turned and savagely broke her neck.

Both men were shaking in exhaustion from the depth and intensity of the meld. Kirk drew Spock to recover in their oasis and then they both withdrew to fall into their shared bed without removing their clothes.

The next morning, both Spock and Kirk were scheduled to work with a few of the children aboard the Enterprise. Spock was leading the session, unable to keep from inwardly smiling as Jim assisted the youngest of their group, a six-year-old Andorian with solemn eyes. After a few moments, both of them were giggling as their experiment boiled over with white foam from the beaker.

“Professor Spock,” Kirk managed to keep his voice serious. “Cadet Tinser and I seem to have made an error in our calculations. Or maybe this was supposed to happen?”

The young boy’s antennae started drooping and he did not look up from the table, his eyes watching the foam continuing to explode from the small tube. “I tried to follow the directions.”

The rest of the children crowded around them, pointing and laughing. There were currently ten in the science lab and normally Spock would have no difficulty running this session efficiently with the children. However, the addition of James Kirk created the opportunity for chaos and hilarity. The captain’s smoothed his expression but the hazel eyes were dancing as he glanced at Spock innocently.

“This was not supposed to happen, Captain Kirk. I believe Cadet Tinser has performed everything correctly. I must ask was there an extra ingredient the captain added, Mr. Tinser?”

Kirk managed to look affronted but raised his eyebrows indicating Spock had caught him.

Tinser’s skin turned bright blue as he said in a small voice, “I believe there was an extra ingredient. Soda?”

Hearing the boy’s shaking voice, the captain put an arm around his shoulders. “Professor Spock. It is my fault. Tinser tried to correct me on the ingredients. I--”

Suddenly, an alarm sounded, loud and blaring. Uhura’s calm voice announced, “Exit drill in progress. Proceed to your assigned locations.” She broke the connection and immediately contacted the captain. “Captain Kirk, Commander Spock, please take your cadets to the safe area.”

The children, ranging in age from six to fourteen, tried to remain calm but two of them started crying. Spock said quietly and firmly, “Cadets, remember your training. This is a drill. We are safe. However, to remain safe we must take the next steps for an exit drill. What is step one?”

With his calm guidance, and Kirk’s easy manner, soon the children were paired up with their partners and walking down the corridor with Spock in the lead and the captain at the end of the line with Tinser’s hand securely in his.

By the time they made it to the nearest escape pods, the children were now excited, talking rapidly over the other for the next steps. Within moments, parents rushed into the room, dashing quickly to their children.

After Kirk handed over the last charge, he glanced at Spock fondly. “It took everything I had not to just pick Tinser up and carry him. He was trying to be brave but was shaking.”

Spock brushed his fingers over Kirk’s hand. “I was unaware of a planned drill.”

“I asked Uhura to set it up during this time period but didn’t know exactly when.”

“The drill was accomplished successfully with these children. I will review the ship wide response and provide the report to our command staff. A recommendation I have is for the children’s session with any member of the command staff must also have Junior grade officers present in the event the command staff would have to report to the bridge.”

McCoy joined them for dinner, shaking a finger at Kirk as he sat down. “You should know better than to mess up a science experiment.”

The captain tried to look innocent. “I was almost chewed out by Spock but was saved by the drill. We will need a report on the crew response to the drill from medical.”

The doctor shook his head. “It’s already sent.” He glanced at the silent Vulcan. “Spock was ahead of you.”

Finishing his meal, Kirk leaned forward with a twinkle in his eye. “So, Spock tells me you had dinner with T’Lyn in the Observation Lounge last night. I need details, my friend.”

The doctor narrowed his eyes, annoyed with Kirk’s insistence that there was something romantic between T’Lyn and himself.  She was a Vulcan for goodness sakes. And even if she were the least bit interested, Jim knew McCoy got along with Vulcans like oil and water.

“So, you’re interested in having a lengthy exam in my treatment room that some could consider close to torture, Jim?”

Kirk grinned; his eyes opened wide. “Who me, doctor? I was just curious.”

McCoy turned to face Spock. “And exactly why are you carrying rumors to the captain. I repeat, there is nothing going on between us.”

Spock wisely remained silent. But McCoy did not miss the slight smile lifting the stern lips. “Perhaps we should adjourn to Jim’s office to discuss our upcoming mission.”

“Sounds prudent.”

They quietly left the messhall, heading reluctantly to the captain’s office. It was McCoy who remained standing and said, “I don’t want to do this, and I can’t imagine how it is for either of you. I reviewed the logs and reports. There are some things I didn’t put in my report, and I have the feeling the same was for you.”

Kirk appeared relaxed, seated in a chair at the large conference table. He gestured to both men. “The one thing I remember vividly is when Spock was able to return to the Enterprise. He was released to duty while I was still on restricted duty. I considered going to welcome him. I was frustrated with the doctor’s restrictions.”

McCoy shook his head. “So, you were doing exercises in the middle of the night in your little, tiny cabin.” He smiled sympathetically. “Wanna tell Spock why you didn’t leave your quarters then? It was late at night, remember?”

Kirk drew a breath, grunting in reply. “Does it matter?”

“Yes.”

The captain was caught off guard as his cheeks flamed in embarrassment. He met Spock’s eyes evenly. “I was experiencing severe panic attacks when facing the dark.”

“PTSD.” McCoy clarified. “And he worked with me for weeks reducing the effects. But that night he didn’t leave his quarters because it was nighttime setting on the Enterprise even though he wanted to go to the gym.”

Kirk managed to keep his tone even, “That and not wanting to set the CMO off by me working out in the gym during my rest period.”

Spock’s dark eyes flickered between the two men, awareness lighting the brown depths. “This explains why your office was brightly lit when I entered that night.”

McCoy nodded, “I agreed with Jim at the time about it not being necessary to inform you.”

“This explains the landing party the next week which required surveillance at nighttime. I believed you were following Starfleet protocol by not having the captain on the planet. It also explains some of my confusion when in the future you reversed your actions and accompanied most of the landing parties in the next year. Much to my dismay.”

Kirk laughed. “You thought I was doing things by the book. Guess I proved you wrong.” He turned back to McCoy. “Okay. I’m not sure what this has to do with the events on Xindi.”

“I just wanted to reveal to Spock of dynamics he was unaware of since I believe it impacts what occurred in your office that night.”

Kirk shifted, reaching out to take Spock’s hand in his own. “I remember you came almost barging in when I fell accidentally while exercising in my office.”

And suddenly, Spock was drawn into Jim’s memory.

Sitting on the end of his bunk, Kirk rocked in silent misery, his eyes closed tightly. He had attempted to sleep with the lights off and had awakened in a panic.

He grabbed his cane, his right arm still in a sling,  to awkwardly pace his cabin. He had never panicked in his life, not even on Tarsus. There was no way he was going to let a few deviant aliens control his life.  He considered going to the gym but then changed his mind. McCoy was sure to find out he had been exercising alone in the middle of the night. He shuddered at the thought of another lecture from his own personal mother hen.

He knew Spock had returned yesterday and cringed at the thought of facing his first officer. They had worked together well since Kirk had taken command. Yet he knew for a fact that Spock had never seen his captain behave like a coward. He couldn’t forget the look in the Vulcan’s eyes when he tried to rescue Kirk from the maze. The captain knew he must have looked like an …animal. And then he had huddled in fear when they were attacked, leaving Spock to fight the Xindi alone. He could only watch as the Vulcan took a spear in his heart, one that was meant for Kirk. And he had been too damn frightened to help.

Kirk growled. Dammit. Face it. Move on. Acknowledge your fear, your failure and learn from it. Grow from it but don’t dwell on it.

The repressed memory of Xindi surged in his mind. Spock remembered the look of revulsion in Kirk’s eyes, dead Xindi surrounding both of them. Spock shuddered as he fought to bury the memory again. Knowing the annihilation that Kirk had witnessed, he doubted the captain could truly forgive what he had done.

Spock drew a calming breath. The captain and he had already dealt with many crises together. Spock had to believe that in time the captain would be able to accept and learn to trust him again. He only knew that since he had experienced the friendship of Jim Kirk, he could not conceive of a life without it.

A loud crash sounded from the cabin next door, and he heard a muffled oath. Jolted back to awareness, Spock rushed out the door to Kirk’s cabin.

Kirk did not answer the signal on the first attempt, raising Spock’s concerns even more. With the second one, the door slid open. Spock stepped inside, finding the captain leaning against his desk, a chair overturned and a cane on the floor beside him.

With a bewildered expression, Kirk said, “Spock? Heck of a time to announce you’re back on board. Is there something you need?”

“I was awake and heard—I was aware that…you were awake as well. I came to-to check on you.” Spock knew his explanation was inadequate.

“At four in the morning? I thought McCoy had you on a strict schedule. Shouldn’t you be resting?”

“I have complied with the restrictions even though they are illogical.”

Kirk raised expressive eyebrows. Spock took a moment to study him, noting he was out of breath, his bare chest dripping with sweat. The Vulcan bent down and retrieved the cane along with righting the chair. “Are you all right, Captain?”

Grabbing a small towel from his desk, Kirk wiped his face before answering. “Couldn’t sleep. Decided to try to some exercise, see if it would help.”

That explained the earlier noise. “Here in your cabin? I believe the gym would allow you more room.”

“Yeah. But then I’d have to explain to McCoy why I was there at this time of night. His spies are everywhere.”

Spock nodded his head in agreement. “It would also be more efficient if I could work in the science lab at the moment however, I am also under the doctor’s restrictions.”

When Kirk shared a commiserating grin with him, Spock added, “Do you not find it frustrating that an officer we outrank is able to intimidate us in this manner?”

The captain gave a harsh laugh. Then silence dropped between them. Spock shifted uncertainly, suddenly aware that Kirk had not offered the usual amenities to him, leaving them both standing with an air of unease between them.

Looking down at the floor, uncertain how to proceed with the conversation, Kirk’s next words shocked the Vulcan. “Look, Spock, if you want to transfer, I understand, and I’ll expedite your request.”

“Transfer?” Spock to clear his throat. “Are you suggesting I transfer from the Enterprise?”

“No! No, dammit. That’s not what I said. I’m just saying that I won’t stand in your way if you prefer to serve under another captain.”

Spock felt as if the floor was opening underneath him. He knew his actions on Xindi must be at fault, but he had hoped the captain would be able to accept the events there.

His eyes riveted on the captain; Spock shook his head. If Kirk thought somehow that he did not want to remain here, then he must try to convince him of his error. His throat tightened, Spock managed to say, “Captain, I consider it an honor to serve with you.”

The space between them was filled with tension and Spock felt that he needed to break the barrier. He took a step, reaching out to touch Kirk’s arm.

The captain jerked back, “Don’t!” The word bounced explosively around the room. Kirk lifted his head, his face tight with anger. “Don’t. Patronize. Me.” He bit off each work.

“Patronize? I was not—”

“Just go! Get out of here!”

“Captain, I—”

“Which part of your Vulcan ears didn’t understand my order? Get the hell out!”

Confused, not sure what he should do, Spock backed out the door, retreating to his quarters. Jim wanted him to leave the Enterprise? After it had been his home for twelve years. More home than Vulcan ever could be.

However, he had to admit that it was Kirk’s right. The captain had witnessed his complete loss of control on Xindi. He had killed in a cold murderous rage only stopping when there were no more Xindi to kill.

He needed to prove not only to himself but to the captain that he could be trusted. But the memory of the murderous rage which had enveloped him was impossible to accept. The Healers on Vulcan had attempted to help him meditate and compartmentalize the events on Xindi. He did not experience any condemnation from the Vulcans on his actions.

Spock turned resolutely to his meditation, uncertain of his future plans.

McCoy sat silently watching his two friends as they talked to each other through their link. He gave a gentle smile when Kirk turned to him with an embarrassed grin. The captain said, “Sorry, we were revisiting Spock’s return to the Enterprise all those years ago and my totally inappropriate response. We ended our meeting with Spock thinking I had told him to transfer.”

“And that’s when I was forced to intervene.” McCoy touched a panel on the table. The doctor’s voice issued from the com.

“Fact one: Spock was forced to watch your torture from the first day you were taken prisoner. He was never allowed to sleep, watching scenes of you constantly.”

Kirk’s voice on the recording interrupted, “But how? There did not seem to be that level of technology.”

Spock replied, “I believe it was her manipulation of the crystal’s power.”

Fact Two: Captain Kirk was repeatedly dosed with a powerful chemical from the Xindi’s claws which created an overpowering fear reaction along with paralysis for approximately thirty minutes.”

Fact Three: Spock was manipulated by the Queen and that blasted crystal. He was overpowered by the effects and rational thought was impossible. When he thought the captain was being purposefully killed in the pit containing a resource for the larvae, Spock overpowered the soldiers escaping to assist the captain to escape as well.

Fact Four: The captain did encourage Spock to attempt to free the captive Vulcan still in the crystal. When Kirk attempted to assist with the retrieval of a native child also trapped in the crystal, they were surrounded by the Queen and soldiers. You both pulled the child free.”

Spock’s voice said quietly, “I would not have succeeded without the captain’s intervention. Despite his poor functioning condition, it was Jim that insisted we free the being inside.”

McCoy paused the recording when Kirk took Spock’s hand in his. The captain smiled, “I had forgotten this. We did it together. We’ve been a good team from the very beginning.” He looked up at McCoy. “The three of us.”

Spock nodded, the corners of his lips curling up. “Agreed.”

The doctor blinked, looking away for a moment. His voice was gruff, “This is one of the reasons I decided to replay this. I’m certain Spock has it all memorized in his eidetic memory banks but some of the feelings may have been forgotten.”

“Bones, at the time, I remember being awed by your competence. I knew you were a skilled physician and surgeon, but it was here you displayed an excellent understanding of both our psyches. Presenting this so clearly as facts made it nearly impossible to deny.”

McCoy gave a laugh. “Yeah. But you both tried.”  He palmed the sensor and his voice continued.

Fact Five: A soldier attacked Kirk, clamping one of their large claws on his shoulder, nearly severing his arm. Then he injected the chemical through a claw touching the captain’s cheek. Jim, at that time you were incapable of assisting with fighting the soldiers. Both due to your injured shoulder but more importantly, the chemical which incapacitated you.”

Fact Six: Spock, your Vulcan Healers reported you were severely affected by the crystal, it had an impact on your reasoning centers and your response was primal in nature. You did not have control of your actions at this time. You stated you had lost control and killed the soldiers and the Queen attacking the captain and yourself. When a spear was thrown at Jim that would have taken his life, you sacrificed yourself to save him. The ‘tedious’ report by the Healers concluded you were not responsible for these actions.

Fact Seven: Jim, you stated, “I saw what you did to Spock. You meant, Spock took the spear and you did not attempt to fight back.  You assumed Spock would not want to serve under a coward.

Fact Eight: Spock what you heard was Jim did not want to have an officer serve him who lost complete control and murdered so many beings.

McCoy stopped the recording. “Amazingly, you both listened to me and actively engaged in discussions which helped you to cope with these events. The reason I replayed this was to ensure you reviewed the information and process the feelings you experienced. When you beam to Xindi, you may have to cope with the negative experiences these memories may cause.”

Chapter Text

The beam down to the planet was uneventful. Kirk made sure his team was safe, eyes focusing momentarily on McCoy, Spock and Chekov with two security officers before landing on Uhura. She gave him a smile, holding up her translator.

“Glad you’re here, Nyota. I appreciate the work the communications department has accomplished on the translations. The information the previous contact was very limited on how they communicated.”

“Agreed. But they did provide enough for us to offer a more extensive translation.”

“As always, your ability is unmatched in the Federation. When was the last time I told you I am honored to have you aboard the Enterprise?” He smiled, hiding his inner turmoil for this mission.

The commander met his eyes, flashing her brilliant smile. “Hmmm, let’s see just before this mission began, approximately four months ago. But I never mind hearing it again.”

For a moment, Kirk felt his anxiety ease with her confidence. Spock moved to his side, brushing his fingers against Kirk’s hand. The captain nodded, looking around. “It looks like where we were when we were first taken captive. However, I remember a distinct odor of rotting vegetation. It doesn’t smell like it now.”

McCoy nodded. “Actually, it is pleasant here.”

The structure in front of them had not been here fifteen years ago. A garden of greenery and flowers stretched around the building.

Kirk was pleased to note his security men spread out, alertly checking their surroundings. He was very impressed by Chekov’s leadership in their security division.

Spock focused on his tricorder. “I am not identifying any type of weapons.”

“What about that crystal that almost trapped you before?”

The Vulcan was interrupted by the doors opening and a large group of Xindi beings surrounded them. He had forgotten how tall they were, towering at least one-half meter above them. He could see McCoy eyeing the aliens with curiosity. Their exo-skeleton was multi jointed with eight limbs which functioned both as feet and arms like a human. The facial features were hard to read, two eyes, one mouth, no nose. He could not identify any sort of hearing organ. A soft down of black fur covered their thin bodies.

Kirk forced down his automatic withdrawal from them as several approached and began reaching toward the men with the claws. Vivid memories of being reduced to a total inability to move froze him momentarily remembering the fear that was induced just by the touch of their claws.

Then the clicking of their appendages began along with high pitched whistles. He closed his eyes, attempting to repress the memory from years before. Kirk froze to keep from pulling back. Spock provided support by standing close to him.

Commander Uhura was bent over her padd. “Give me a sec—"

Suddenly the terrifying clicking sounds became a cacophony of words.

“Our Queen’s savior is here!”

“The ones who brought us freedom!”

The clicking accelerated. Uhura smiled, “I believe Captain, they are cheering you!”

Kirk nodded grimly, glancing at McCoy who was watching the aliens with a mixture of worry and fear. The captain’s heart was still pounding, unable to control his automatic fear reaction. Brushing his fingers over Spock’s hand, he relaxed slightly when he felt his bondmate’s reassurance.

Through the large doors in front of them, another Xindi approached them. The fur was colorful, black mixed with greens and blues. The delicate facial features led Kirk to believe this was a female. Small wings flapped as this alien hovered over the ones surrounding them landing directly in front of the landing party. Both Kirk and Spock noted the Xindi wore a glowing pink, golden crystal similar to the one so many years before.

With her presence, all but two of the aliens retreated. They followed her inside the mansion, again surprised by the changes wrought over the years. Light streamed in from outside, highlighting the incredible artwork and figurines surrounding them.

Sudoc, in brown robes approached and solemnly welcomed them. He gestured to the food and drink which was being provided. McCoy quickly scanned the items, indicating they were safe for consumption.

Sudoc introduced the winged Xindi with the surprising explanation. “This is Queen Iseul which you freed from imprisonment so many years ago along with rescuing me as well. We both wish to thank you for acting so selflessly when you had been so mistreated.”

The Queen gestured to the food. “Captain Kirk and Commander Spock, I wish to welcome you. I am appreciative of your willingness to meet with me despite the horrendous way you were treated before.”

Kirk nodded, turning to Uhura and then his alert security officers behind them. “This is Commander Uhura who has worked tirelessly to provide us with the capability to communicate. Our Chief Medical Officer, Dr. McCoy.” He nodded towards the doctor and then introduced Chekov and their security.

The next few hours were spent calmly working through negotiations. The captain shaking his head in awe as they managed to secure a location for Federation outpost. The goal was for the outpost to coordinate removal of minerals that the previous ruler had used to make her subjects essentially be slaves. This mineral was an opportunity for Vulcans to enhance their telepathic ability.

Mid-afternoon, the Queen stood. Her wings fluttered behind her, making her feet lift off the ground. “Captain, we asked you here specifically at this time because we have a rare opportunity to provide you with a gift. This only occurs once every twenty years, which will be at sunset today. We have a—” She said a word which did not translate.

Uhura bent over her padd. She input several commands and then sent a reassuring glance at Kirk. “I believe the word would translate as Shaman.”

The Queen clicked excitedly. The translator spoke now in a female voice. “Yes. Our Shaman is ancient. She provides a gift only to the most deserving. It is a gift of your choosing.”

She drifted to stand beside Kirk. One of her claws touched his cheek and again he felt a wave of calm reassurance. “My people have all requested to give this honor to you for freeing me and because of the great wrongs that were done to you.” She turned to Spock. “We can only offer this to one being or we would ask you to join us as well.”

Kirk frowned not sure what was disturbing about this information. Before he could speak, Spock asked quietly, “What does this entail? Will the captain be required to complete some type of trial?”

“No type of contest is needed. He and I will go to meet the Shaman together. We must travel alone. The length of time varies for each participant. I personally have never witnessed a gifting. Please allow us to grant this to you.”

A glance toward McCoy and Uhura showed him they were frowning. He met Spock’s eyes and then with a decisive motion, he grasped the warmer hand. //Ashayam, I’m not certain of my answer. //

//I do not sense a dangerous intent. However, I would feel better if I were allowed to join you. //

Queen Iseul sank to her knees in front of both men. “I can see you are not certain. I understand that due to the way you were treated before it is hard to trust. My people and I will be very disappointed not to share this gift with you, but I recognize you may not agree.” She again touched Kirk’s cheek and then Spock’s cheek briefly. “I will share my thoughts with you to show our motivations?”

McCoy cleared his throat. “Jim, we do not know if their minds are compatible.”

Sudoc nodded, kneeling beside the Queen. “I understand your concern. I will reassure you I have touched Queen Iseul’s thoughts three times. It is a unique experience and is safe from my perspective.”

Kirk turned to his team. He could see Chekov frowning. Security was standing at attention, alert to this new danger. He gave a quick smile to McCoy before turning to Spock. He tilted his head, silently asking his science officer. He could sense the Vulcan’s interest and sent a tendril of amusement. //Your curiosity will be the death of us both one day. But I don’t think it is today. //

//Agreed.//

They knelt before the Queen. She touched each of their temples with a claw and instantaneously they were both drawn into the alien mind. Sudoc was correct, the mind was completely different from previous melds, but Kirk felt her genuine desire to honor him. She gently drew Spock within their thoughts, revealing her regret that she could not provide him with a gift as well.

Spock pressed for clarification on the process for the gift. The Queen opened her mind to show them she did not know exactly how this occurred. Ancestral memories floated through the link, Kirk seeing the being he was to meet with was ancient and her wisdom was beyond their comprehension.

As they withdrew from the mind touch, Spock could not quell the flare of concern at the vague information. He followed Jim, as she led them outside the mansion. The captain took Spock’s hand as he turned to face McCoy and Uhura. “I will accompany Queen Iseul. I do not believe she intends harm to me or any of you.”

Spock bit down on his automatic cry of “Jim!” when the Queen grasped Kirk gently within her multiple limbs and floated up in the air. “The place where the Shaman will arrive is far away. It will be faster for us to travel by this method.

“Captain Spock!” Chekov had his phaser out, aiming it at the rapidly disappearing Queen and Kirk. “If I shoot, it may harm the captain. Can we transport him back to safety?”

His own concern was escalating yet it was too late. They had already disappeared from their site. Spock attempted to use the communicator but did not receive an answer. He returned to Sudoc. Interrogating him did not retrieve a positive response, the Ambassador had heard the Xindi refer to this Shaman in the past with awe but they had never explained it’s purpose of action.

Six hours later, McCoy paced anxiously, growling at Spock. “Is he okay? Can you sense him?”

McCoy watched the Vulcan’s face, concerned at the frustration Spock allowed in his expression. “I cannot communicate with him. However, I do not sense that he has been harmed.”

The other Xindi seemed unconcerned, providing more refreshments while they waited. Sudoc attended to their needs, exhibiting increasing concern at the delay in their return.  Chekov was talking with both Scott and Sickbay, attempting to locate his biosigns without success.

In the early evening, the Queen appeared in the front entrance. She had a young man draped over her arms. McCoy frowned, looking for Kirk.

Spock stepped forward. “Where is Captain Kirk?”

Iseul glanced down at the man in his arms. “It has taken much of his strength for this gift. He will recover.”

Both men stare uncomprehendingly at the young man, not understanding. McCoy snapped again, “Where is Captain Kirk?”

Spock moved forward, his hand reaching toward the unconscious body in her arms. At the touch, he glanced wildly at McCoy, alarm showing on his face. “Leonard. This is Jim.”

Lifting his scanner, the doctor waved it over him. “Can’t be. This is a—this boy is approximately twenty-two years old.” He watched in dismay as Spock transferred the young man into his arms and sank to the floor, cradling him to his chest.

The doctor stared at the young man in wonder. This couldn’t be Jim Kirk. His face appeared to be almost a teen-age human. He had met Jim as a young Lieutenant close to this age, but he didn’t remember him looking this young. Almost angelic. His hair was completely blond and curly. The scanner showed his weight to be seventy-two kilograms. “He doesn’t appear to be injured, seems to be asleep.”

The Queen knelt beside them, resting a claw against the cheek. “The gift is not one of our choosing. The shaman seeks the desire deep in one’s heart and grants it to him.”

McCoy watched as Spock lifted trembling fingers to rest on Kirk’s forehead. “I do not believe Captain Kirk would ask to be changed to a younger body. How long will this effect last?”

“All wishes granted last the entire life cycle of a Xindi. I assume it will be the same for your species.” She moved back, studying both Spock and McCoy. “You appear disturbed by this.”

McCoy ran the scanner again. He stopped when Kirk moved in Spock’s arms. “Spock? Bones?” His voice was a higher tenor. Not quite a boy’s voice but not as deep as Jim’s in his later years. The eyes fluttered then closed again.

When the Vulcan did not answer, McCoy said gently, “We’re here, Jim. How do you feel?”

“Tired. Spock? Can’t feel you.” He lifted a hand and Spock grasped it.

“Here, Jim.” He pressed his fingers onto Kirk’s face.

Kirk sighed with relief. “There you are.”

He drew a breath, relaxing into Spock’s arms. When his head rolled, McCoy eased it back into the crook of Spock’s arm. “I think he’s asleep.” He gestured to the scanner, “It shows extreme exhaustion.”

Queen Iseul rose and headed for the exit. “He will require rest. You may return to your ship.”

In Sickbay, Spock remained silently at Kirk’s side waiting for him to awaken. He could feel their bond, but it was subdued. Without it, he doubted he would recognize this body as Kirk. Remembering Iseul’s words, he considered if this had truly been the captain’s desire. To be young. He discovered a level of distaste for the wish.

McCoy and T’Lyn were providing a running list of tests and results. Spock was able to review the computer scans as each one was accomplished. The doctor stopped, moving to stand beside Spock. “He’s healthy, no injury we can locate. His body is the age of a twenty-two-year-old. We have his medical records from then and everything is matching.”

“When will he awaken?”

McCoy frowned, “I keep expecting him to any minute. I know you need to get to the bridge, but I think it would be safer for you to be here when he does.”

Hands behind his back, he could not prevent his fingers from tightly wrapping around his wrist behind his back. “Commander Uhura is in command currently. I will remain here.”

McCoy drew a breath. He said quietly, “What I can’t figure out is why? Jim Kirk isn’t so vain he would wish for this.”

Spock met the blue evenly. “I will admit, I am having difficulty understanding and accepting this change.”

McCoy rested a hand on his shoulder. “We’ll figure this out together.”

There was a groan from the bed. McCoy immediately moved to Kirk’s side. “Jim? How do you feel?”

“Bones? What happened? Why am I in sickbay? Spock? Where’s Spock?”

The Vulcan joined McCoy, hesitating to touch the reaching hand. He was forced to shield his feelings as Kirk clasped his fingers around his hand. 

“What do you remember?”

The mobile young face scrunched up in a frown. The expression was not one Spock recognized from his Jim Kirk. “Not much. We were on Xindi and talking. Now I’m here.” He threaded his fingers tightly against Spock. “Why are you shielding?”

Spock forced two breaths before slightly reducing the shields he had raised. “You were being examined; I did not want to interfere.”

Kirk immediately pushed through his mind. //T’hy’la. Something’s wrong. Are you okay? // Panic flashed through his thoughts. //Did the Xindi harm you? //

//I am fine, Jim. Concerned for you. You have been unconscious for several hours.//

He felt anxiety flare again across the link. //Why are you shielding from me? //

//You must allow McCoy to complete his examination. //

Unable to cope with the emotions he was experiencing much less Jim’s, Spock withdrew from the link. “We can talk when Dr. McCoy and Healer T’Lyn are assured of your well-being.”

He stepped back, not missing the arched eyebrow McCoy sent his way. Kirk glared at him before facing McCoy. He pushed up on his elbows, “Alright Bones. Why is everyone acting so secretive—” 

Kirk stopped; his eyes drawn to his arms. He lifted his right one and stared at his hand. Swinging quickly up to sit on the side of the bed, he ignored the equipment dislodged with his action. The captain looked down at his body and his expression changed to confusion. “What the hell?”

McCoy put a restraining hand on his shoulder, quickly ordering. “Everyone clear out except Spock and myself.”

As soon as it was quiet, McCoy sent a glance toward Spock who remained silent. He explained, “Jim, you were returned to us by Queen Iseul. She stated your deepest desire had been granted. You are now in the body of a twenty-two-year-old human male.”

Spock could feel the shock from Kirk’s mind echoing in his. And again, felt Jim reaching for him. He slammed down barriers on his own undesirable responses before opening the link between them.

Kirk tried to get up, but McCoy growled, forcing him back down. “Show me!” Kirk demanded.

Utilizing a padd, Spock held it up for Kirk to see the too youthful face reflected back at him.

“Oh. My. Ghod! Spock. Explain.” Kirk demanded, his eyes appearing green as he glared at both McCoy and Spock. Through the link, Spock could feel the fear racing through his bondmate’s mind.

“We do not have an explanation at present. You will be required to remain in Sickbay. To resume command, you will have to perform tests to demonstrate you are competent and are really James Kirk. Until the required tests are complete, security will be guarding you.”

McCoy straightened, glancing at the display above Kirk. “You are experiencing some tachycardia.” He grasped Kirk’s hand and Spock saw the captain grip it tightly. Again, fear flared through the link. The doctor sent a pointed glance at Spock before stepping away from the bed. “I’m giving you a few minutes to talk in private. But no escapes, Jim.”

A strangled groan followed McCoy from the room.

The captain remained sitting on the side of the bed, his head down. “Spock,” he whispered. “You feel different.” He lifted his head, frustration showing in the hazel eyes. “T’hy’la?”

Drawing a breath, Spock drew his fingers over Kirk’s hand in the ozh’estra.

Finally, the touch of their fingers allowed Spock to open their bondlink. He almost sighed at the welcome touch of Jim’s mind. He had been afraid to find some other presence from the Xindi. Another being. The depth was almost overwhelming as they shared fears and their confusion with each other.

McCoy noisily entered the room, loudly clearing his throat before announcing, “I’m allowing the crew back in. We need to start running the required tests.”

Spock withdrew from the brief meld, feeling Kirk’s reluctance and underlying panic at trying to cope with this overwhelming change.

The medical tests seemed never-ending. Added to this were the psychological exams. Kirk tried to keep from complaining but found his patience seemed to be on a shorter leash than before this dramatic change. His anxiety was climbing higher and higher coping with this body. After the second day in sickbay, he finally put his foot down.

“I can report back tomorrow if you need me to. But I’m going to my quarters tonight. You can put a guard on me there. I want to see Spock. I need to spend time with him.”

McCoy grunted. “You know we have a full schedule tomorrow. We need you well rested.”

“Did you or your team find anything unusual so far? How am I?”

“You are fifty-one-years-old but are much younger. Your physicals are perfect. As you know you passed your psych exam.

We will need to scan you weekly to see what type of aging you will experience. I don’t want to suddenly discover you aged several years unexpectedly.”

Kirk grimaced, hopping off the bed. “Yeah. Wouldn’t want to experience what we did on our first mission on Gamma Hydra Four.” He looked up with a grin. “Or was it Gamma Hydra Two?”

McCoy gave a distracted smile, his eyes drifting over the youthful features. “Jim. Let’s talk in my office.”

“Bones.” Kirk turned to the exit, ignoring McCoy’s request.

“Just a few minutes. I am concerned. About Spock.”

Though it was said quietly, Kirk quickly glanced around the busy ward with a frown. “All right.”

Once the door was closed, the captain remained standing. “What about Spock?”

“I’ve noticed he has been very reluctant to discuss your condition. I’m not entirely certain but I feel he is very disturbed by your change.”

Kirk rolled his eyes. “We all are. What’s your point?”

“I get…the feeling he’s devastated. almost grieving.”

“Are you off your rocker? Spock grieving? Why would he be grieving? I’m right here.”

McCoy sat in his chair, staring at his desk. “You know that weird connection between us since I carried his Katra?” At Kirk’s nod, he continued. “I keep experiencing deep sadness from him. Haven’t you?”

The captain studied him and then his thoughts turned inward. He tried to reach out to Spock and was shocked when he was unable to feel his thoughts. The bond was present, a deep and steady warmth so he wasn’t sure when Spock had started blocking him.

“I didn’t realize. He’s—” Kirk stopped and then challenged. “Why would he be grieving? Doesn’t make sense? And why hasn’t he told me?”

“I doubt he understands what he’s feeling. And I’m certain he knows you have enough burdens to bear right now. It was hard for me to bring it up because this has got to be very disturbing for you despite the breezy show you’ve been putting on.”

The captain drew in a sharp breath. He turned away, taking two quick steps toward the door and then stopped. His voice dropped down to a lower register. McCoy noted it was still higher pitched than his previous more mature voice had been just a few days ago.

“You have no idea. Every time I move, the ease shocks me. Doing the tests on my physical responses just makes me want to scream at how limber I am. The crew which has worked with me here and the ones who have been allowed to talk with me are so excited, calling this a miracle and all I can think is I want my old aching, poor eyesight and slightly overweight self back” He rubbed a hand over his eyes, then pinched the bridge of his nose. “Every time I say something, it takes me a few seconds to realize it’s me talking. How am I supposed to command when I almost sound like a squeaky, teen-age boy? And by the gods, when I look in the mirror, all I see is a skinny kid with eyes too big for his face. Even my hair is ridiculous!”

At the slight moan, McCoy moved to his side quietly. He had already set Kirk up with their counselor, the first session earlier today, he knew the captain had not admitted these doubts.

McCoy gathered the slender man into his arms, relieved when Kirk allowed himself to lean into the hug. “And all I been able think about was getting away from here and being held by Spock. Now you’re telling me he’s having difficulty emotionally? How the hell am I supposed to be strong for him? He’s my strength.”

“I’m telling you so you can help him now. He’s got to be confused by his reaction.”

Kirk tightened his arms around McCoy. He nodded into his shoulder. “You’re right.”

Chapter Text

Temper Tantrums?

Spock was in the middle of meditation when Kirk entered their quarters. He rose swiftly, turning in surprise. “I was not expecting you to be released today.”

“I broke out.” Kirk stood for a moment, just breathing in deeply. “I’ve missed you.”

When the captain approached him, holding out his arms, Spock was dismayed when he had to force himself not to back away. As Kirk rested his head on his shoulder, Spock said quietly, “I have missed you as well.”

Kirk lifted his head, pressing a kiss against his lips. Spock pulled back to study the younger man. At least the hazel eyes were the same but appeared unnaturally large in the youthful face. He lifted a hand to cup Jim’s cheek, smoothing a thumb over his jaw. “I did not know you at this age. I see you but truly do not recognize you.”

Giving a sad smile, Kirk gave a choked laugh. “Neither do I.” He leaned his head back onto Spock’s shoulder. “I don’t understand why this happened.”

“I assumed this was your desire.”

“What? No!” Kirk stared at Spock; his face shocked. “Hell no! Why on Earth would I wish for me to be younger and especially at this ridiculous age? You thought I wished for a fountain of youth?” His voice rose in disbelief, anger tinged his words.

Spock held Jim away from him, his hands wrapping easily around the slender biceps. He studied the large hazel eyes almost green now in their intensity as they constricted with incredulity. “I have struggled to find a reason for this wish. I am relieved to hear it was not your desire.” The Vulcan drew a breath. “Perhaps you could relay what happened on Xindi after you left with Queen Iseul?”

Kirk pulled away, shaking his head. His breathing was growing increasingly ragged. “I don’t remember much more than what I explained in sickbay yesterday. Queen Iseul flew me to some cave, not sure how far away. She left me at the entrance. She said I would know what to do. And reminded me to think about my deepest desire when I arrived. I followed the path inside, finally reaching a large cavern sparkling with jewels. A luminescent alien presence appeared, floating both close to me and far away at the same time, flickering in and out of my sight. There was communication but no words or language was exchanged.

“As the being came closer to me, all I could do was think of you. I remember thinking about the ship and crew wanting them to be safe. But then my thoughts turned to you and my desire to be with you always.”

Kirk pulled Spock closer, his hands trembling. “I was then compelled to enter the blue pool in the cavern. The minute I stepped into it, the liquid, some type of gel covered me from head to toe. I couldn’t breathe. I blacked out. The next thing I knew I woke up in your arms.”

Spock wrapped him tightly in his arms. “Your wish was for us to be together forever?”

Kirk pressed his face into his neck. “Did you think I would wish for anything else?”

Spock could feel how near Jim was to losing control. He brushed a hand down the side of his face and then stroked the untamed curly hair. He was frustrated that his meditation had not managed to control his negative reaction to this circumstance. Jim needed him and yet he was unprepared to open himself up to this childlike version of his bondmate.

Jim whispered, “You are blocking me. I can’t feel—” His voice broke. “Your thoughts.” Slender arms gripped him tightly. He whispered, “I’m not going to lose you, am I?”

The heartbroken sob tore into their bond. Kirk crammed a fist into his mouth, to stop the sound. Another example of how different this Jim was, his vulnerability and confusion overriding his normal command persona.

The distress in the bond forced Spock to reach beyond his fears. Placing long fingers alongside the newly fragile features, he spoke, requiring formal words to open the bond between them.  “My thoughts to your thoughts.”

There was panicky scrambling in Jim’s mind as he surged within Spock’s thoughts. He had not experienced this hysterical whirlwind of Kirk’s mind in years. Jim was almost frantic with fury driving his thoughts.

//Ashayam, I have been so scared. I couldn’t reach you. Can’t think. This is beyond my ability to cope. Need you! //

//We will learn together, Jim. I was dismayed to experience negative feelings as well. //

//I’m afraid you can’t love this body. I told Bones I wanted my old, middle-aged spread of a body and not this impossible child that I’m currently in. //

//I will admit to experiencing loss. I do not understand these feelings, but they have been profound. //

//Bones said he thought you were grieving. I think he’s right. //

There was a pause before Spock responded. //I would not ascribe that condition to myself but there may be merit to his suggestion. I am not certain how Leonard came to this conclusion. We have had limited interactions. //

Kirk allowed a brief flash of humor. //You are aware he never likes to admit to the link between you since stashing your Katra in his brain. But he alluded to it earlier. // 

//Stashed my Katra? Jim, I am offended.”//

And with the flash of humor, both men found all their barriers were lowered. Jim sighed as he was surrounded by his bondmate’s steadfast love. He sent his delight through the meld, watching as steady flashes of starlight lit their shared minds.

Forced to end the meld, both men were shaking with exhaustion. Spock kept a steadying hand around Kirk, guiding him towards their bed. However, midway there, he stumbled, and it was Jim helping him.

Curling up together, Spock forced his sense of loss into a strict non touchable section of his mind. He gathered the body to his chest, feeling the rapid respirations. He ran his hand over the slender arms and rubbed circles on the back. And was forced once again to quell the grief McCoy spoke of away from his conscious thoughts. A stray one escaped and he grabbed it before allowing Jim to hear. //I miss my Jim’s mature body especially his substantial weight and musculature. I am uncertain how I will learn to love this body. /

Turning in his arms, Kirk pulled him tightly into an embrace, his nose pushing against his neck. He drew in a breath and then quickly drew in a second breath. There was a gasp and before Spock could question him, Kirk suddenly pressed an engorged penis hard against the Vulcan’s groin. Without giving Spock a chance to respond, he pulled his head around, grinding his lips against his. Jim moaned loudly. Spock could feel a wave of intense heat from the human’s body causing Jim to gasp audibly.

“Oh T’hy’la, I need you now. Can’t think—”

Still exhausted from their meld, he realized Kirk was stripping his clothes off him. Grunting and crying out, Jim was immediately pushing him down, his cock pressed against his pants.

“Jim, no. Not like this.” Spock tried to urge Jim to a calmer frame of mind.

Ignoring him, Jim continued to press against him, frantically pulling at his pants.  His body was burning hot to the touch and trembling. “Need you. Now!” His intense arousal, the lust he was feeling becoming more powerful, overtaking conscious thought. Jim grabbed Spock, biting his neck, nearly knocking him over. Grabbing hold of his wrists, he held them in a tight vise above his head. His bondmate ripped his pants off him and prepared to penetrate him without any preparation.

Spock resistance was limited but when Kirk bit him again, green blood flowing freely down his arm, the Vulcan violently jerked his hands free. He pushed Jim away. His bondmate continued to struggle, making wordless cries in his frantic efforts.

“Ashayam. No. I do not desire you in this state. I believe you should be treated by Doctor McCoy.”

His face flushed red, and Kirk yanked angrily at his imprisoned hands. “What the hell do you mean? I need you! Is it because of this body you’re turning me down?”

Remaining calm was growing increasingly difficult. “You do not have the right to rape me, nor have you ever desired too before.”

“What the fuck? Rape? I’m trying to—don’t you understand? This is overwhelming. I am going to take you now!”

“I will not submit to you in this state.”

The eyes were flashing with green fire, Jim’s features contorted into an even more unfamiliar face. He was red and sweating, breathing hard. He jerked his hands free, grinding his inflamed cock into Spock’s groin before pushing clumsily to stand up.

Grabbing his clothes, Kirk stood over him, breathing heavily. “Fuck you!”

After a brief sonic shower which did nothing to ease his arousal, Kirk dressed in the same non-descript sweats he had been wearing for the last two days. This late at night, there were limited people in the corridors, and no one so far had recognized him at present.

He banged on McCoy’s door. “McCoy, it’s Kirk. Let me in.”

The door slid open, the doctor wrapping a robe around his night clothes. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m tired of both you and Spock blaming me for this!” Kirk gestured to his body. “I didn’t ask for it and I don’t want it.”

McCoy gestured him inside and waited for the door to close before saying quietly, “No one is blaming you.”

“The hell you aren’t. I can see it in your faces. And now Spock—” He broke off trying to subdue his out-of-control emotions.

“What happened?”

“He—he refused! Oh, fuck it, he refused to have sex ‘with this body.”

“Sit down, Jim! You’re hyperventilating!”

“Wouldn’t you be if you were experiencing this?” He pointed at his evident arousal.

The smirk appearing on his friend’s face sent his anger up another notch. “It isn’t funny! You have no idea what this feels like.”

“So, it’s bad? Kinda like when you were a teenager and couldn’t control anything about your body?”

His hand clenched into a fist. The captain snapped, frustrated when his voice actually broke. “Stop calling me a teenager!”

“Gotta say you’re sorta acting like one. Almost a full-fledged temper tantrum. Looks like you’re ready to deck me, Captain?”

His anger was hitching up another notch, but the title captain helped to stop him momentarily. Pacing the floor of his quarters, he couldn’t keep from shoving against McCoy’s shoulder as he passed.

“Take a breath, Jim. Breathe.”

It took several seconds before he could manage to think beyond his anger. His penis was still engorged but not as painfully as before. Running his hands over his face, he drew in a deep breath. “Why am I behaving like this? I’m still me.”

McCoy nodded. “Yes. However, your brain engrams are currently those of a younger man. One who is more impulsive and in less control of his emotions.”

“I was never like this when I was young.”

“Oh, I don’t know. Remember that time on Faronis 2. You forced a native into a fight over a girl. It was irrational but you only knew what you wanted.”

Kirk frowned, throwing himself into a chair. “You’re saying I’m controlled by a young man’s brains?”

McCoy took a chair across from him. “And hormones.” He glanced at his replicator. “Can I get you something? Nothing alcoholic since you have the last of your tests in the morning.”

Groaning, Kirk ran his hands over his face. “Don’t remind me.”  He stood. “This is intolerable. I want the old me back. I sure as hell know Spock does.”

“Jim, give him some time. It’ll work out.”

Kirk gestured crudely towards his groin and the apparent arousal. “Tell that to him. I’ve been cock blocked. By my bondmate!”

“In the state you were in when you arrived, I doubt an Orion would have wanted you. However, you know Spock will be looking for you now. Probably show up in a few minutes.”

Kirk glanced at the door nervously. “I can’t. I—damn.” He found himself exiting without explaining.

It was late at night and the perfect time for Scott to work on a design upgrade he had been considering for the warp monitors. It was quiet, only a couple of techs monitoring their stations. Tucked away in the corner of the large deck, Scott was startled when someone tapped his leg.

“What are you tinkering around with Captain Scott?”

He recognized the cadence but the tone was off. Still, he couldn’t resist snapping, “Tinkering? How many times have I told you this is delicate work not tinkering?”

As he started to move from under the console, the captain stopped him with a hand on his knee. “Stay there. Let me help. I think I heard you muttering about a tool you needed?”

“Aye. The hyperspanner. Should be on top.” Soon the tool was in his hands.

Within moments, they were working easily under the console, exchanging ideas about the upgrade. It was almost thirty minutes before Scott asked quietly. “Your voice sounds different. Are you okay? I’ve been worried about you.”

“Fine.” Came the tight response. “Actually, better than fine.” When the Scotsman started to sit up, Kirk said, “Wait Scotty. There’s been a change in me. I’m still the same man but, well, the Xindi did something to me.”

Scott sat up, taking the hand to pull him to his feet. He noticed immediately the smoothness of the skin, a lack of wrinkles on a slender hand. Glancing quickly at Kirk he drew in a sharp breath. “Oh, my lord. Is it really you?”

The tight jaw flexed, Kirk glancing away from his direct gaze. “Yeah. I’m approximately twenty-two-years old.”

Scott turned to fiddle with the controls on the panel. Soon Kirk was beside him, both retreating to their technical world for a few moments. Finally, Scott asked, “How are you doing with this?”

“Fine.” Kirk dropped back down to lay under the console. “Just fine. But Spock and McCoy are not doing well. Well Bones is his usual self, accused me of having a temper tantrum a little bit ago.”

The Engineer didn’t miss the slight crack in the younger man’s voice as he said this.

“Ack, which explains why you are here in the middle of the night.” He tapped Kirk’s leg. “Want to head to my office for a drop of the brew?”

Kirk continued to work for a few seconds. “Can’t. Have more med tests in the morning and would mess them up if I came to the party drunk. Try the panel again, Scotty.”

Again, the two men worked together quietly focusing on their work. It was nearly an hour later when Scott nodded in satisfaction, preparing to drag Kirk to his office. At least they could have some coffee.

A soft sound surprised him, and he looked down to discover Kirk half covered under the panel, his eyes closed. His hands had dropped down to rest on his torso. The lad was asleep.

He studied the almost delicate face, the long lashes on the pale cheeks. The features of James Kirk were present but not as defined yet. His body was incredibly thin, without the muscular build of his latter twenties. Scott had met the younger Kirk as an Ensign on the USS Faragut and had liked the lad. He tried to picture him from before without success.

Straightening, he retrieved a pad, sitting down beside the captain, hopefully allowing him a much-needed rest. The dark circles under his eyes told the Scotsman he had been unable to sleep in the last few days.

Kirk awakened with the delicious feeling of the bond wrapping around his psyche. He reached back gratefully, frustrated to continue to feel the overwhelming lust from the night before. Opening his eyes, he flushed as he met the caring brown eyes focused on him.

“Jim.” The word felt like a caress to his soul. Kirk smiled tremulously, taking the offered hand to come to his feet. He glanced around and found Scott still seated protectively at his side by the engineering console.

Scrubbing his face with his hands, he said to the Engineer. “You should’ve awakened me. You didn’t need to stay here all night.”

“No trouble. Read up on the most recent journal and have some more ideas.”

Spock’s deep voice said quietly, “Jim, you are due in sickbay within the hour. I thought you may need some time to prepare.”

There were some morning personnel present but Kirk ignored them, raising his two fingers to rest on Spock’s. //K’diwa,//

Allowing a smile, Spock tilted his head. //I love you, Ashayam.//

The two men headed to sickbay, Kirk pushing down his embarrassment over the events of the evening before. His sexual response was still there thrumming just beneath the surface, but he was determined it would not control his actions in the future.

Kirk was released from sickbay in the early afternoon. After consultation with McCoy and their counselor, Spock and Kirk decided to meet with the children on board as previously planned before the events on Xindi. Since it had been prearranged at the swimming pool, all twelve children ranging from six to fourteen were scheduled. At the pediatric counselor’s urging, Yeoman Syck arranged for the parents to be present as well and ensured their shifts were covered.

Kirk was already in the pool when the kids arrived. Spock joined him. One of the older kids, Cody, glanced around in confusion. “Where’s Captain Kirk?”

Swimming over to the edge, Kirk pushed up to sit on the side of the pool. “The last mission we were on ended up with unforeseen consequences. A Queen Iseul of the Xindi requested to provide a gift of appreciation and took me to a shaman, a holy being, of their people. When I was returned, they had changed me to this younger self. This has been difficult for all of us to adjust to and I’m sure it will be for you as well.”

The children remained close to their parents; their eyes wide. The Andorian child, Tinser stared at him before glancing around the room. He demanded, “Where is Captain Kirk?”

The counselor and parents provided distraction by encouraging the kids into the pool. Slowly they began to play, allowing the captain to participate, racing after toys tossed around the pool. Tinser still sat on the side of the pool watching the activity but refusing to join in. Spock saw Kirk’s expression tighten as he glanced at the little boy but wisely decided he should allow the child to reach out to him.  He was relieved as most of the children were responding hesitantly to Kirk.

Cody, the oldest child bravely challenged him to a race. Spock wasn’t certain if the captain allowed the boy to win but both seemed to be enjoying themselves.  The sound of his laughter echoed across the pool and Spock repressed a smile as he watched several older children surround the captain at the deep end of the pool. He was gesturing to the diving board, laughing again and then walking with them to the diving board. Each of them bravely dove or jumped into the pool. But when Kirk stepped onto the board, the kids all started yelling at him. He frowned and then looked up at the high diving board above him. He shook his head and Spock could hear them teasing him, yelling he was afraid. Finally, he shrugged, glancing across at Spock. He was frowning but a smile was tugging at his lips.

Spock watched transfixed as he rapidly climbed the ladder. Despite his lack of musculature, there was grace and strength in his action. On the diving board, he waved at the kids, yelling, “It’s a long way down. I’m not sure I can do this.”

Immediately the kids yelled at him, now encouraging. Suddenly others in the pool, the younger kids and the parents were shouting. “You can do this!”

Kirk shook his head. He bounced experimentally on the board a couple of times. Then he stopped and Spock could feel the utter stillness in the human as he narrowed his concentration. Bouncing two more times, he launched himself up into the air, twisting his body gracefully and then tucking in and performing two tight somersaults. With only seconds to spare, he dove cleanly, barely disturbing the water, with his entry.

Spock’s heart was pounding with the absolute perfection of his mate, the dive was a combination of beauty and expertise. A distant memory floated into his mind of a brief mention long ago by McCoy of Kirk’s competition in swimming events when he was young. He could not stop staring, watching as Jim pulled himself up on the side of the pool, the kids surrounding him, chattering excitedly. And then his full-throated laughter rang out, the sound higher pitched and without the depth of before his change. And Spock felt a shaft of desire flash through him unexpectedly.

Suddenly, Kirk was looking straight at him, as if he sensed his feelings. The human smiled at him, the secret smile that he only shared with his bondmate. The one that revealed his joy, his affection, his love for Spock. And the Vulcan did not try to repress the smile that quirked his lips. Kirk’s huge eyes widened, and he spoke quickly to the teenagers surrounding him.

The captain dove into the pool, swimming to his side. Spock offered a hand to pull him from the pool and again felt the unexpected swell of sexual desire flooding him. He could feel Kirk’s own lust through the touch, but now the desire was coming from him. Kirk turned to face him, water streaming from his hair, down his face. The hazel eyes reflected puzzlement and, in the depths, hope. Spock released his hand but turned slightly to run his fingers over Kirk’s, shielding his action from the eyes watching them. Another jolt of sexual awareness flooded them both and Spock was acutely aware the major portion of sexual desire was emanating from himself He heard Kirk’s laughter in his mind before an image of frozen water cubes filled his mind, subduing the unexpected feelings.

Both men immersed themselves back in the water to hide the evidence of their desire for each other. Unaware of the tension between them, the kids all delighted in participating in the multiple water games.

They returned to their quarters, the captain expressing frustration that Tinser stubbornly refused to talk with him. His fingers brushed Spock’s hand in the turbolift and suddenly all his distracted thoughts fled as flames of desire rushed through them both.

Safely inside their quarters, Spock enclosed Kirk in his arms. “Let me discover how to make love to you in this body. Let me explore your sensations and learn to pleasure you.”

“It’s still me in here, Spock. I haven’t changed in my desires.” He lifted his head, pressing his lips against the Vulcan’s gently.

Fingers glided over his cheekbones, coming down to cup his jaw. The fingers drifted down his neck, lips nibbled on his jaw and beneath his ear lobe. At the brush of his touch on his face, Kirk’s earlier arousal was doubled, roaring through his entire body.

Jim’s body convulsed and he felt himself coming helplessly, crying out as the warm flood gushed from him. Kirk truly felt as if he were a gawky teenager. “I’ve—oh ghod, I’ve never came like that K’diwa.”

Spock didn’t speak. A hot, shaking hand found Jim’s and twined their fingers together, guiding them down to his groin. Jim could feel Spock throb with the brush of his fingers.

//Oh please, James, again. //

Incredibly, Jim cried out, as he climaxed again. He found himself on the floor, Spock crawling across him. Hands stripped his tunic free and then ripped his pants from his body. A hand against his temple. //T’hy’la. I must have you. I am…do you feel the flames? //

Even as he spoke, Jim felt fire soaring between them. He frantically urged his mate to take him, unaware as lubricant was applied. He bucked as long fingers entered him, preparing him for penetration. He cried out, need, hunger and desire so strong he was certain he would die if Spock didn’t fuck him now.

“Take me now, just do it!” He screamed.

Spock did not stop his ministrations. //Ashayam, you are essentially a virgin. I do not wish to injure you. //

//Dammit! I want you now. I need you. //

Kirk threw his head back and screamed as he was cleaved by a penis hotter than the fires of Hades. Then he felt the flames claim him again. Kirk wrapped arms and legs around the Vulcan’s body, pulling Spock closer, his hands sliding down the hard back, slipping lower. He squeezed the tight, muscled ass in his hands, hearing Spock cry out as he pumped into Jim. Clenched his anus, Kirk felt an answering moan from Spock with the stimulation.

Then Spock’s hands found his cock and stroked him ruthlessly, one hand working him while the other cradled his balls until Jim exploded again, feeling the hot cream flowing down his cock and dripping beneath his body.

He licked Spock’s neck and sucked until he tasted the Vulcan’s blood. Jim felt himself being flooded as Spock came inside him and the simple sensation was enough to once again bring Jim back erect, his cock weeping as he babbled, “Oh, please, more, don’t stop…I…oh please!”

The bond opened between them, intense and at the same time reassuring. Golden light suffused both, the sharing between them greater than previous melds. They reveled in the sensation of becoming one. Kirk cried out as he exploded with Spock, unleashing a depth to the bond they had never experienced.

He felt Spock collapse on top of him. They struggled to breathe. The musky aroma from the sweat and semen that covered their chest and abdomen. Jim reached up to tentatively touch his bondmate’s temple. “Ashayam? You okay?”

The Vulcan shuddered, drawing in a deep breath before answering, “Indeed.”

 He allowed his cock to slip free. Jim mourned the loss even as he felt his channel spasming. Spock grabbed him and rolled them both over, across the floor, his voice once more echoing through Jim’s head.

//Take me…slake my burning…//

“Yes.” Jim whispered. “Yes…” He found the tight entrance, first licking and then his seeking fingers. Spock’s hand curled around him, guided him home, Jim thrusting deep, feeling Spock tighten around him, feeling it in his own body as if he was the one piercing and pierced, feeling over-stimulated nerves screaming as both of them climaxed yet again.

Jim woke, his cock hard. He moaned, realizing he was no longer lying on the floor but on their bed. The heat and hardness of Spock’s fingers wrapped around Jim’s cock as the Vulcan lying on his side, slowly pumped Jim’s hardness, bending his head to kiss and suck at Jim’s neck and shoulder. Jim rolled over into the Vulcan’s embrace, finding and kissing him on the mouth.

Long fingers stroked his hair, Spock inhaling his scent. //It is so soft and curly. Was your hair like this when you were younger? //

Laughing, Jim rolled them over, impaling himself on the hard, green cock. //You want to talk about my hair now? //

Silent laughter rumbled through their bond. //There are so many things about you to discover. I did not expect you to have blond pubic hair as well. I miss your previous body but believe I can learn to appreciate your golden beauty. As the link between us is golden, now I get to experience your glowing essence on the outside. //

Kirk bent down to kiss the eager lips. He pulled a hand back down to wrap around his cock as he began to rock rapidly, feeling Spock’s instant response. //Show me how much you appreciate this body. //

Chapter Text

The next morning, Uhura glanced up with a broad smile as both Kirk and Spock stepped onto the bridge. “Captain, Dr. McCoy just sent your release to return to duty. I am so grateful.” She watched his tentative smile as he nodded to her and glanced around the bridge nervously. Chekov and Scott were present and two junior officers at the helm and navigation.

She had only seen him briefly on the planet before they rushed him to sickbay. Uhura had received updates as needed since she was in command. The change was startling. The bristling energy had shifted to a nervous, tentative presence. The posture was the same, but his lack of bulk and musculature was a surprise. She wondered briefly if he had looked like this when he was truly this age. His face was fragile appearing, slender, eyes big, nose classically trim. She had always thought of him as attractive, but this was beyond beautiful almost God-like. Uhura shook the fanciful thoughts down and trained her eyes on the body language.

Kirk was quite frankly scared. She stood beside the command chair, resting a hand on his shoulder. “What can I do to help?”

He gave her a grateful smile, but he was rubbing his hands together in a gesture Uhura recognized from many missions indicating his tension. “Nyota, please arrange a meeting of all department heads in one hour.”

She caught the navigator, Sanders, puzzled glance at him. Uhura realized crew were going to be confused and have some difficulty adjusting to this younger man as their Fleet Captain. She was determined to do everything possible to help with the transition.

“Captain?” Sanders asked.

The perfunctory smile was one Uhura hated but understood right now. He was nervous about the crew accepting him.

Kirk said quietly, “Yes. Despite my current appearance, I’m Captain Kirk. I have spent the last three days in sickbay being tortured to prove- “

McCoy must have slipped onto the bridge. He cleared his throat. “I beg your pardon?”

Kirk’s lips twisted and some of his humor reasserted itself. “I stand corrected, being poked, prodded and generally tormented by our entire medical staff in an attempt to explain what has happened to me. So, Dr. McCoy, you want to explain what happened?”

Startled, McCoy stepped down to stand on Kirk’s other side. Uhura was relieved when he rested a hand on the younger man’s shoulder causing some of the tension to ease in his face. “Captain Kirk was changed somehow into the body of a younger man. There is no change to his memory, psyche or mental agility. This occurred on the planet Xindi. At this time, we do not believe this is reversible.”

Kirk nodded. “We’ll have a department head meeting within the hour to explain specifics and hopefully answer questions.”

Two weeks later, the captain was tucked away in a corner of the messhall. He was working on his soup slowly, his stomach twisting into knots again. He still reacted to simply seeing his slender hand, the tight elastic skin seemed to be mocking him. He felt his anger surge, and he had to resist throwing his soup bowl at the nearby bulkhead.

A crewman nearby was obviously not aware of his presence. “I don’t see how Captain Pretty boy is our captain. How can he be competent?”

Another male voice said quietly, “I think I understand how you feel but he is our captain. The medical team have published their results to prove he is our captain. Still, it is really hard to see him on the screen and wonder about it. Maybe if we got to talk with him?”

“Yeah, like he’d take time to talk with those of us on the lower decks.”  There was the sound of chairs moving and then the second voice said, “Yeah. And we’re due back on those lower decks in ten minutes. We better get going.” ‘

His anger fled as Kirk felt his concern grow about the crewman’s conversation. When he started the first five-year mission, he had made certain to know all of his crew and frequently made rounds on the departments keeping Enterprise running smoothly but were not heard from often.  He realized he had not made the same attempt with this crew.

He had experienced crew talking behind his back, calling him unflattering names in the past few days, referring to his appearance. He had decided responding to this would only inflame the crewmen even more. But if he understood correctly, there was talk amongst the crew about whether he was competent. Or if he even was the captain.

The Senior Officers briefing was tense. Kirk tried to keep from snapping at the officers. It felt like they were arguing at cross-purposes. He leaned back against his chair, feeling weary. If he could just drum up the energy to engage his staff, it might be progressing better.

A brush of Spock’s fingers against his own under the table sent a feeling of warmth and concern. He managed a smile for Spock. Then studied the crew surrounding him His family. Scotty, Uhura, Chekov, Bradshaw, a new lieutenant in Security under Chekov. Lieutenant Ridener, Spock’s assistant in sciences. And McCoy. They looked concerned but worried.

The captain felt a flare of anger at being put in this ridiculous position. He did look entirely too young to captain the Enterprise. “I don’t understand why—”

Kirk bit off the words, realizing he was almost attacking the people around him who had supported him unconditionally. He remembered how these senior officers’ briefings in the first five-year mission were filled with laughter despite some of the tense situations. He knew he had not currently encouraged the levity needed to add joy to their jobs.

Uhura eyes were concerned, smiling gently at him. McCoy had twisted his lips in annoyance reminding Kirk of his recent warning of him being too impulsive and quick to anger.  Scott simply nodded in agreement, ready to return to his engines as soon as possible Chekov grinned up at him, his eyes still shining in admiration for Kirk.

He stood, pacing across the room, then returned to lean both hands on the table. Frowning, he snapped, “Let’s discuss the Tardigrade in the room.”

Bradshaw looked puzzled as the others chuckled uncomfortably. “Tardigrade?”

Uhura explained, “On Earth we use an elephant in the room. Something too big to be ignored but everyone in the room acts like it’s not there.” She turned to Kirk, a gentle smile curving her lips. “Enlighten us, what do you believe is the Tardigrade?”

“Me!” He snapped and then stopped. “One my humor has been sorely lacking in the last few days. And the fact we informed the crew factually about what happened to me, but I didn’t do follow up. Have you heard gossip or grumbling about me being competent to be the captain?”

“I figured it would die down after the shock wears off.” McCoy said, “I’m not too worried about it.”

“What about you Scotty? Have you heard the crew talking?

The Scotsman shrugged his shoulders “Maybe some. It didn’t seem harmful. They have voiced some confusion.”

Seeing Chekov’s evasive eyes, Kirk asked quietly, “Pavel. How is Security dealing with this? What have you heard?”

Chekov glanced down at the table. “I wasn’t sure if it was appropriate to talk about it. I believe in their loyalty to Enterprise. But I hear things, more than probably any of you. And they call you by different names.”

“Like Captain Pretty Boy?” Kirk managed to keep his tone light and was relieved when Chekov’s shoulder relaxed slightly.

He turned to his First Officer, “Nyota. I’m certain you have had an earful.”

“Well yes. I’ve tried to do damage control when I can. I agree with Pavel, their loyalty is with the Enterprise but there is some uncertainty.”

The captain felt some of his own tension ease with their honesty. He turned back to Bradshaw. “Sawyer, you see why I alluded to a Tardigrade in the room? And unfortunately, I have been ignoring it to the exclusion of addressing it properly.”

Returning to his seat, Kirk folded his hands in front of him. “Okay.  We’ve established there is some concern and or disgruntlement among the crew regarding my de-aged status. What do we do about it?”

There was silence then Uhura drew a breath. “In the past you attended some of the staff meetings on the ship in an effort to know our staff.”

McCoy shook his head.  “There are usually five to ten staff meetings daily. He wouldn’t have time for anything else.”

“Quit trying to protect me, Bones. I think Nyota’s suggestion has merit. I could attend one or two a day. And with your input, focus on the areas which are struggling the most. Do you think they’ll be okay with me attending?”

Uhura’s genuine smile lit up the room. “Absolutely. And we can present it as re-implementing a previous practice, so they won’t think they are in trouble.”

Smiling gratefully, Kirk nodded. “Could you work with Yeoman Syck to coordinate the meetings?”

The crew leaned back in their chairs, talking quietly to each other. Kirk glanced at McCoy and was relieved to see his nod of approval. But when he started to get up, the captain said quietly, “Not yet Bones. There’s one more Tardigrade to discuss.” He glanced around the table, keeping a smile on his face.

“The names I am being called resulting from how I look now.”

Scotty shook his head, “Nothing we do can stop people from talking. Ordering them would make it worse.”

“I was thinking of joining the ranks, encouraging people to tell us what names they’ve come up with.”

“That’s certifiably crazy.”

 For the first time, Spock quiet voice cut through the clamor. “I believe the captain’s idea has merit. I have noted in the past when humans are invited in on the idea, they become more supportive.”

Uhura was frowning. “Are you thinking of a contest with names and pictures submitted? Hey and we could have celebration at the end to claim which one is the most popular.”

Kirk nodded. “We allow the crew to participate in some type of naming for me. Identifying the different ways of my appearance. Starting with— “He hesitated, grimacing as he said, “Captain Pretty Boy.”

Uhura was already tapping on her Padd. “We’ll have to include parameters, no sexual innuendo, porn or distasteful language. Oh and no nude photos.”

Kirk glanced up in shock. “Good grief, please tell me there aren’t any nude photos of me?”

Spock locked eyes with her. “I believe this should be conversation for later. However, I agree, ‘No nude photos.’”

“You understand photomanipulation occurs on a frequent basis.” Uhura lifted her head, a mischievous smile crossing her face. “These pictures, are they to be from present or from any we have in the data base?”

Kirk gave an uncertain laugh. “Not sure I’m trusting your smile, Nyota.”

“I just found the first entry.” A picture flashed up of Kirk in the first mission, completely buried in tribbles. “I’m entering this one in the ‘Captain What have I gotten myself into now?’ category.”

Kirk groaned, glancing up at Spock. “It could be I’m creating a monster.”

The senior officers burst out laughing. Spock said with quiet amusement. “We could run the contest for a week and have a final decision with a celebration for the victorious submission.”

McCoy snorted. “I’m not sure whether to be alarmed or pleased with Spock supporting this activity. Feel sorta like we may be losing our marbles.”

Kirk stood, clapping a hand on the doctor’s shoulders. “Just know I’m not willing to submit to anymore psych tests in the near future.”

The captain was pleased with the lighter atmosphere of the room, the senior officers talking to each other and laughter echoing through the room. McCoy put a hand over Kirk’s, looking over at him with a fond smile. “You did good, Jimboy.”

His first staff meeting was early in the morning with security. Kirk was reviewing the staff, determined to commit to memory the names and unique facts about each crewmember. He was finding it hard to concentrate due to Spock’s attempts to undermine his efforts. At first, the Vulcan stood behind him, massaging his neck and shoulders. Then arms slipped around his chest as Spock leaned his head to rest on top of Kirk’s.

“Captain Spock! I’m trying to learn the names of my crew in security. You are hindering my efforts.”

“Jim, I do not believe you are required to know every one of their backstories. I know you are already up to date on their names.”

Kirk turned slightly to tilt his head up at Spock. His eyes were serious. “On my first command and then on the Enterprise’s first five-year mission, I made it a point to know every crewmember and something special about each one of them. I am frustrated that I have not made the same attempt on this mission.”

Spock could feel his bondmate was genuinely upset about this. He nodded. “Perhaps I can be of assistance instead of a hindrance.”

Kirk’s face relaxed into a smile, his eyes dancing slightly. “Never a hindrance. But I will welcome your assistance.”

Spock slid into the seat beside the captain, shifting closer to view the screen. “Ensign Adams.” His eyebrow lifted in concern. “Jim, you have not made it past the first letter in the alphabet?”

The captain gave a high-pitched laugh and then grimaced. “Don’t think I’m ever going to adjust to these vocal cords. And in answer to your rather insulting question, since I have been working on this for over an hour, have you ever known me to take that long to memorize needed information? I started with the highest-ranking officers and have six Ensigns and two yeomen left.”

Spock’s lips quirked and he leaned forward, pressing an undemanding kiss against Kirk’s lips.  His bondmate responded by attempting to deepen the kiss. Spock forced himself to withdraw. “Jim, we were going to review Ensign Adam’s data.”

The nearly blond eyebrows pulled down in a frown, Kirk running a hand through his unruly hair. “You started it!”  In a disgruntled tone, he said, “This kid has a background in martial arts on Earth and took training on Alpha Centauri colony. They have an intensive program. But he also has a red flag on his record related to starting a fight in the messhall.”

Forcing his own rising desires to simmer until Kirk had completed reviewing the crew for security. Spock carefully kept his thoughts quiet about how he planned to force his T’hy’la to giggle again tonight uncontrollably. Spock was illogically more addicted to the sound each time he discovered a new method of forcing Jim to lose control.

Chekov ran the staff meeting with efficiency, allowing his crew to interact and provide solutions to some of the problems the department was experiencing. Kirk listened intently, interjecting comments when requested. He noted Ensign Adams was proving to be a bit of a hothead and actually was one of the voices he had heard in the mess hall a few days ago expressing his discontent with the captain.

Kirk caught Chekov’s eye “Ensign Adams raises an important concern. Corridors can be congested, especially during the morning shift. If Security needs to respond quickly to a disturbance or danger, we need a method to warn the crew to move to safety.”

“During a yellow or red alert, the crew is expected to quickly disperse to their workstations and remain on sides of the corridors.” Chekov explained.

His assistant Security Chief lifted his head. “It would be helpful to send a reminder to the crew regarding this requirement.”

Kirk noticed one of the yeomen frowning, appearing too shy to add to the conversation. “Yeoman Morris, you have a question?”

She smiled nervously, “Yes sir. I know there are a few times security is expected to respond to a disturbance, but it is not a yellow or red alert situation. It would help to have the crew notified to move out of the way to ensure our security can get to the situation as quickly as possible.”

“Great observation! Lieutenant Chekov?”

The discussion continued and again Kirk was pleased when the crew negotiated a solution which seemed to satisfy all of Chekov’s staff. Once the meeting was over, Kirk stood, talking freely with the staff around him. He stopped Adams, “Ensign, a word?”

Immediately, the young man’s face fell, changing quickly to resentment. The captain held out his hand. “Good input, Josef. I appreciated your insight. I was hoping you could help me with something slightly more personal?”

Adams glanced at him with a frown, looking around the room to find he was alone except for Lieutenant Chekov. “I will attempt to assist.”

“You have an impressive martial arts background. I was hoping you would consider a few sessions a week with me? I am discovering I need help in regaining my previous musculature before I was turned into this ridiculous younger body.”

The surprised smile on the boy’s face gave the captain hope this would work out in more ways than one.

In the main gym, Spock dribbled a few drops of water on his unconscious captain’s face. Kirk reacted, rubbing a hand over his face. He lifted his head from the gym floor as Spock held out a hand to help him to his feet. But then Kirk pulled the hand back, calling out for Ensign Adams. The young man was standing a short distance away, his expression grim.  “Yes, Captain?”

“Give me a hand, Adams.” He lifted a hand, waiting for the Ensign to pull him to his feet. He clapped the young man on the shoulder. “That was a good workout. Rather unorthodox moves.”

“You indicated I should try anything to put you down. Did not intend to knock you out.”

Kirk grinned and Spock watched as the captain managed to charm the Ensign. He might be in a different body, but his ability to communicate and draw people into his circle of loyalty never failed to fascinate the Vulcan.

The captain nodded. “And we need this type of thinking in our training. Outside the box. I would like to work with you a couple of times a week if you agree?” At the boy’s nod, he continued, “Yeoman Syck will contact you about setting up a schedule that works for both of us.” Kirk turned to Chekov watching them with shining eyes. “Lieutenant, you have a good crew. I have the feeling you already have plans to change up the training.”

“Aye, sir.”

Kirk turned away, Spock at his side. He called over his shoulder, “Adams, go see Dr. McCoy about your wrist. It looks swollen.”

The Ensign argued, “It’s all right sir. I don’t need to see a doctor. I’ve had worse.”

Spock felt Kirk’s amusement as he glanced back with a smile. “And if you don’t go, then I will get yelled at by the good doctor. A fate not to be tempted. Go see him, that’s an order.”

Amazingly, the Ensign stopped him. “And you will see Dr. McCoy about your jaw? You went down pretty hard.”

Before Kirk could deny the request, Spock intervened. “I will ensure the captain follows up appropriately for medical treatment.”

“Dammit, Spock! I’m busy, I don’t have time to go…”

The security men still in the gym burst out laughing at his protest.

A few days later, Uhura, Spock, Yeoman Syck and Kirk sat in the conference room reviewing entries for the contest to name Kirk. The captain had to fight to keep from blushing in embarrassment at the continuous parade of flattering names.

“How did they find this image?” Kirk managed to ask, his voice sounding higher pitched than normal.

“Oh, you should see the ones Lynn and I had to delete. I’m not sure where they found some of these. Even I couldn’t find them.

Spock watched as one picture flashed up of Kirk appearing asleep in the captain’s chair. The title was, “Captain Adorable.” He couldn’t keep a tiny smile from appearing.

Kirk glanced at him suspiciously. “How did someone get this picture? And when? It has to have been in the last day or so.” He stopped to glare at both Spock and Uhura. “And why didn’t you wake me before they did?” He shook his head, watching the parade of pictures unable to keep from sighing heavily. “How come we allowed some of these pictures to be anonymous?”

Uhura gave a little giggle at a picture of him in the gym in orange tights from the first five-year mission. “I loved this picture.  If it hadn’t already been labeled as Captain Sexy, I would have labelled it Captain Cutie-Pie.” She looked at him with a sheepish grin. “I didn’t know you in your twenties but here in this picture, you look much like you do now. “

Spock lifted an eyebrow, studying the picture. “You are correct. He doesn’t have the bulk he gained in later years.”

“By the gods, are you saying I was skinny and weak back then? I remember having some pretty intense workouts with you, Captain Spock!”

Kirk shook his head. “I think I’m going to step out of this. I can’t handle all the ‘pretty boy’ labels. Commander Uhura, Yeoman Syck, I’ll leave the choice to you. I will try to graciously participate in whatever event and title you choose but this is just disturbing.”

Kirk had barely entered the mess hall when a small figure ran full speed across the room to collide with his legs. He caught hold of Tinser’s arms to steady him, capturing the junior padd in his hands. He knelt quickly as Tinser leaned back to look at him.

“What is it, Tinser?”

“Is it too late for a submission to the name contest for you?”

Delighted the boy was talking to him finally, Kirk immediately said, “You’re just in time. Is this it?”

The boy’s antennae quivered, lifting in excitement. “Yes, I want this one to be entered.”

“I’ll get it to Commander Uhura immediately. The celebration is tonight. Will you be there?”

He nodded shyly and then took off to rejoin his parents who gave Kirk an apologetic smile. He grinned, waving at them before leaving to find Uhura.

Spock stood quietly at Kirk’s side as Uhura adjusted his outfit for the naming ceremony. On the screen, they could see a large number of the crew and families in the Rec Room. Kirk groaned as another picture of him dressed in tights and cloaks similar to the outfit he had worn with the Organians flashed on the large screen in the recreation room.

“Where did they find these pictures? I’m not sure I can survive this, Nyota. Tell me again why I agreed to it?”

Uhura pushed his hand down as he tugged at the helmet he was wearing. “Leave this alone. And put the cape on.” She straightened his vest and grinned at the disgruntled captain. “You didn’t agree to it you planned this. And it has worked far better than we imagined in building support for you as Captain. Everyone is excited to see the final choice. Now hurry up and put this on. It’s almost time.”

Spock helped adjust the cape, taking the opportunity to touch Kirk’s hand briefly, sending reassurance to the nervous young man. “You will do fine. I will meet you in the Rec Room.”

Kirk sighed dramatically, turning his attention back to the screen. The master of ceremonies had done a credible job of announcing each entry with an increasing audience response. Now he pulled up the last entry, announcing, “The winner of the event is this wonderful rendition of our Captain. It was submitted by our youngest member of the crew, Cadet Tinser.”

On the screen, a cartoon like drawing of Kirk with a cape and helmet. He held in his hands a large hammer, and handwritten were the words, Captain Thor, God of Thunder.”

Suddenly there was a crackle of lightning from the front of the room and Kirk shimmered into existence on the platform, in a golden suit with a cape and golden helmet. He held up his hand and from across the room above everyone’s heads, the large hammer of Thor flew across the room for the captain to grab.

In shock at the unexpected display, it was a few seconds before the audience erupted in cheers and laughter. And there were several shouts of Captain Thor. Kirk waited until the room calmed down before he beckoned insistently to the small boy who stood proudly at the front of the room. The captain had to cross over to him to bring him to the stage. Tinser allowed him to lift him in his arms.

Kirk smiled, “All hail Cadet Tinser for officially naming me Captain Thor, God of Thunder!”

Chapter Text

“Kirk’s personal Log. Six weeks after the events on Xindi and my… ah… transformation. The crew seem to be adjusting better, which also helps my own state of mind. I’ve attended at least one staff meeting for every department, managing one to two daily. I’m now working my way through the departments for the second time. Sometimes Commander Uhura accompanies me or Captain Spock. I am greeted frequently in the corridors and usually have crewmembers joining me for lunch in the mess hall. Even though I am still adjusting to this younger version of myself, hate the sometimes-squeaky voice and the impromptu giggles that I have been unfortunately prone to vocalize.” Kirk paused sending a quick glance over to Spock intently reading a Padd. He thought about the inappropriate prank Spock had perpetrated in their quarters the evening before. Surprising and delighting him until he was helpless with laughter. And amazingly had experienced his bondmate allowing himself to laugh as well. “Bones has informed me I am aging but not at a normal rate for a human. It looks like I may age two to three months for each year. This may allow for me to live as long as Spock’s lifespan.” Shaking his head in wonder, he continued, “Currently, the only concerns I have is I seem to experience more fatigue than I did when I was this age. I still feel tired even after getting eight full hours of rest. And do not seem to have the energy or desire to get up in the morning. It is very puzzling. Spock seems to intuit this and at times, he’s overprotective in ensuring I receive more than my usual amount of sleep.”

The captain stopped the recording, smiling at his bondmate who glanced up from his perusal of his Padd. He moved to his side, brushing his fingers through the smooth black hair. Spock continued his activity, lifting a hand to wrap around Kirk’s neck. Soon they were nuzzling each other, mouths eagerly devouring each other. “Stop personal log.” Kirk growled, adding, “Additionally, I’m grateful it hasn’t affected either of our libidos.”

A smile lifting his lips, Spock released his Padd, turning his full attention to his bondmate. “Yes.”

McCoy shook his head, staring down at the cargo hold below him filled essentially with livestock. Cattle rustling on a universal scale. The culprits were locked in their brig, hopefully far away from any trees to prevent being hung like in the old west stories of Earth.

Per Spock they were not cows even though they appeared close in appearance. “Jim, have we ever transported something like this before in all our lifetimes?”

The captain laughed, resting a hand on his friend’s shoulder. “Can you believe it? Just smell that, just like home on the farm.”

“I don’t know, Spock. All I smell is manure and odorous cows. Not my idea of home.”

The Vulcan immediately corrected him. “They resemble bovines. However, these are Fargons from Dekendi.

The Vulcan studied the scene below him. McCoy held back a smile as he caught Spock’s fingers drifting to rest on Kirk’s hand. He had observed since the events on Xindi, both men seemed to be even closer than before, never straying far from each other, reaching out frequently to touch. They were always discreet, but the doctor was glad to see they relaxed in his presence.

“Jim, did you see my update on Yeoman Payne?”

Kirk shook his head, “I don’t think so. Is she okay?”

“Well yes and no. Good call on your part, she was struggling and experiencing some suicidal ideation. Our interventions are having good success. What was it about Melissa that tipped you off?”

Frowning, Kirk shook his head. “Not sure. I just noticed some of her body language in the Engineering staff meeting was concerning. She didn’t say much. But when I asked around and talked to her section chief, I just didn’t like the answers I got.”

McCoy rested a hand on his shoulder, squeezing slightly. “I’m thankful you did. I will send any recommendations we have once we have something. And you know Scotty, he’s kinda clueless sometimes. I plan to have sessions with section chiefs regarding warning signs of distress.”

“Good.”

The doctor started to stand and then said, “So hey Jim, I haven’t gotten the chance to ask you about earlier. What happened? It looked like you nearly fell getting out of the shuttle. Did you trip?

Kirk glanced at him; his face troubled. “Just lost my balance for a second.”

“Maybe you should drop by sickbay, Jim.”

Frowning, Kirk glanced quickly to his side. Spock, thankfully, was not showing any concern. “I’m fine, Bones. Had enough of sickbay in the last few weeks to last a lifetime.”

When McCoy thankfully desisted, Kirk was relieved. He was puzzled by his earlier dizziness that occurred getting out of the shuttle. The captain shrugged it off, assuming left over adrenaline was the cause. The cattle drive had been challenging. But it had been worth it to see Spock riding alongside him on a horse.

Completing his project in the smaller science lab with the older children on board the Enterprise, Spock guided them toward the gym. He moved toward one of the smaller rooms where the captain was working with the smaller children, ages four to ten. Kirk was laughing with one of the kids, both seated on the floor, pushing a large ball toward each other.

He looked up, giving a broad grin to Spock and to the ten boys and girls following him. “Right on time! We’re ready to start our game. Spock, we had the computer choose our teams. Be prepared to lose.”

Some of the children giggled and Kirk gave them a mock exasperated look. “Adults will tell you the goal of playing this game is to have fun, but they are not telling the truth.” He put his hands on his hips, “The goal is to win.”

Soon they were chasing the ball, Kirk managing to steal it out from beneath Spock’s feet. He laughed loudly without pausing his efforts to send the ball to a little girl on his team. 

The captain called a halt declaring them all winners. “Okay. Everyone it’s time to search this gym for that elusive tribble. We’ve tried multiple areas. We’re bound to find it somewhere.”

There were shrieks of laughter as the kids ran off in different directions. Spock frowned, asking quietly, “Why do you insist there is a tribble aboard? I am not aware of one on board.”

Kirk watched as a few of the children checked the lockers. “It just adds a degree of suspense and some hilarity. Who knows, maybe we’ll find one.”

“I certainly hope not.”

The captain laughed, causing Spock to allow for a smile in return which made Kirk laugh louder. As the kids started returning, their faces disappointed, the captain ordered everyone to report to the mess hall for a bowl of ice cream.  He sent another mischievous grin to Spock, the beauty of his face, making the Vulcan draw in a deep breath in reaction. And the smell of musk and another intoxicating sweet scent wafted towards him from the captain. Spock took a step toward him, drawing in another breath. Unexpectedly, he felt his body surge toward Jim in response, his unexpected arousal pushing against his pants.

There was a meeting with the science lab officers planned at sixteen hundred hours. He could not cancel the meeting, but he was free for the three point four hours until then. Spock gestured to Kirk’s yeoman and requested she take over with the children.

The captain turned puzzled eyes in his direction as Yeoman Syck moved to gather up the kids. Spock gestured to the door and Kirk raised his eyebrows but joined him. “Something wrong, Spock?”

He shook his head, waiting until the children had left for the messhall and then brushed the fingers of Kirk’s hand. He allowed his own arousal to surge through the link and the captain turned startled eyes toward him.

“Now?”

“You must cease to be so intoxicating. Your scent, your smile, the joy in your eyes all create a desire to—” Spock paused, suddenly aware of crewmen in the hallway ahead. He held his silence until they arrived at their quarters.

Shoving Kirk against the wall by their bed, he held the startled but compliant human’s hands above his head. Hands running over the rapidly swelling penis, Spock pushed his own against the hard bulge. “A desire to ravish you wherever you are.”

Kirk grinned. “Okay. But I really wanted ice cream. And I thought you had a meeting this afternoon.”

Spock growled. “There is time to complete my current mission. I will obtain ice cream when I return from the meeting.”

“Make it peanut butter and chocolate chip.” The captain ordered and then growled in return and ended up with the ridiculous giggle. “Then start ravishing, Ashayam.”

Kirk entered the busy messhall, realizing with regret his timing was poor. The room was filled with crewmen and the diplomats the Enterprise was returning to their home worlds after a conference on Betazed. He doubted he would have an uninterrupted meal.

Several of the diplomats and aides immediately closed ranks around him, rapid-fire questions giving him little time to respond. It wasn’t clear if his notoriety was due to his past history or the novelty of his younger physique. He drew a steadying breath, answering questions, holding back his annoyance when one particularly persistent aide moved close enough to him to rest a hand on his shoulder. As the other personnel moved away, giving them some privacy, he felt his annoyance flair.

Keeping his expression blank, he turned, assuming this was a persistent teenager of one of the families present. The boy waylaid Kirk, inviting him to join him at his table. Managing a smile, Kirk shook his head. “I’m afraid I already have plans.”

“You know I have been wanting to talk with you at length, possibly enjoy an evening with you. I am still interested in wining and dining with you.”

Gritting his teeth in annoyance at the young man’s persistence, he kept his tone firm. “I have explained to you I am married.” The boy gave him a smirk and he readjusted the age of the male to latter twenties.

“I believe your ‘mate’ is being entertained by the women at that table. He has been there for some time.”

He stared at him for a second, his words not quite penetrating. “Mr. Cres, you are mistaken. If you will excuse me--”

Kirk broke off as he observed the tableau across the room. Spock was sitting with two Vulcan females. One exquisite woman had her fingers curled around Spock’s hand. She was smiling, and he thought he heard light laughter from her. As he took a step, he caught the side of his husband’s face. Kirk realized Spock was smiling at her. His bondmate was smiling in a crowded room. At a woman. A Vulcan woman reminiscent of T’Pring in her cool beauty.

When she raised her hand to touch the side of Spock’s face, there was no force that could have stopped his movement as he barreled across the room. Spock looked up, his eyes lighting with affection and amusement.

“Captain! Let me introduce-”

“Captain Spock. I need to speak with you. Now.” Ignoring the companions, Kirk marched to the exit. Feeling a tentative touch in his mind, he slammed down his barriers, experiencing satisfaction when he felt Spock wince mentally.

It did not take a genius to read the captain’s angry body language. Spock followed quickly, remaining silent until they reached their quarters. When Kirk turned to face him, his face was flushed, and he was breathing heavily.

“Something has upset you. What happened?”

“What happened!” Kirk’s tone was disbelieving. “I find you openly flirting with two women, and you want to know what happened?”

Spock could not prevent both his eyebrows from shooting up his forehead. “Flirting? Jim, I was--”

“You were smiling at her. Hell, it looked like you were kissing the way you let her touch you!”

Recognizing the steadily increasing anger, Spock fell back on McCoy’s advice to de-escalate the situation. Remain calm, allow Jim to talk. Try not to interrupt. They had not dealt with any incidents in over three point two weeks. “K’diwa, she is my cousin. We have not seen each other since I was six.”

His bondmate was not hearing his words. Spock attempted to reassure Jim with the link, reaching out to touch his cheek.

A snarl erupted from Jim; his face unrecognizable. He grabbed Spock’s hand, twisting the fingers painfully. “You let her touch you just like this. My bondmate blatantly flirting, almost intimate with another Vulcan! How dare you!”

“Ashayam—”

The term of affection only sent Kirk’s anger escalating further. Giving a roar of rage, Jim slammed his palms against Spock’s chest, brutally shoving him into the bookshelf behind them. 

“Just get out! Get the hell out of here. I don’t want to see you back tonight!”

“I regret your perceptions--” He broke off when Kirk took a threatening step.

“I said, get the hell out of here!” The voice had risen in near hysterics. His breathing harsh now. He shouted in a near scream, “Go!”

Spock exited their quarters not quite certain what to do. This response was not something he had ever witnessed before with Jim. The high-pitched screaming continued and then there were the sounds of crashing items inside their quarters.

This irrational rage was completely illogical. However convincing Jim of this now would not result in a positive outcome. He considered locating McCoy but knew this action might result in a further demonstration of unreasonable response from Jim if he knew.

Remaining in the hall would also create more issues, especially since one could hear some of the yelling from inside. The sound proofing did prevent any words from being heard. However, he didn’t want the crew to start to speculate.

Spock retreated to his office. He discovered his own breathing was increased to an unacceptable rate. Pausing to subdue his own reaction, he attempted to restore his own calm. Reaching out briefly to his bondmate, he discovered it was nearly impossible to control his sense of loss and despair as he was met with a strong wall in Kirk’s mind.

Curled into a miserable ball in his bed, Kirk fought the combination of tears and embarrassment from his despicable performance hours earlier. He wanted to reach out to Spock so desperately, yet his shame kept him from trying. The angry words he had hurled at his bondmate kept rushing through his thoughts, finding it impossible to calm his mind.

In the last hour, Kirk had begun to suffer from chills which were growing increasingly worse. He was covered in blankets and had increased the temperature, but nothing seemed to help.

Now, it felt as if a weight was pressing down on his chest. Breathing was becoming more difficult. A burning sensation spread like wildfire over his skin. Recognizing this was a panic induced reaction, Kirk tried to follow the previous advice of both McCoy and Spock to reduce the effects. But nothing seemed to help.

He couldn’t breathe. The shallow breaths causing his chest to grow tighter. “Spock!” He gasped. Yet despite his overwhelming need for his bondmate, he was afraid to allow the barrier between them to fall. He was too mortified every time his thoughts swirled back to his angry shameful words thrown at his bondmate.

‘Breathe, dammit. Slow breaths. It will get easier.’ Admonishing himself, Kirk swung his legs off the bed and attempted to stand but his shaking knees wouldn’t hold him. Black dots danced in his vision, and he knew he had to call for help before he fainted.

McCoy shoved his disheveled hair out of his face as he leaned on Kirk’s buzzer for the second time. Using his medical override code, he entered the darkened room and tripped. “Lights. Forty percent.” 

The room looked as if a bar brawl had happened. He located Kirk huddled on the floor beside the bed. The doctor swiftly knelt at his side, alarmed to see he was violently chilling, muscles and tendons knotted and tight as he shook. The oxygen level was down to a dangerous level. And his body temperature was subnormal.

Placing an oxygen mask over the cyanotic mouth, he shook his head when Kirk tried to speak. “Just breathe. You know the drill. Slow and easy. One breath.”

While he continued the coaching, McCoy debated and decided to give an antianxiety and muscle relaxant that would ease the dyspnea and slow the chills. He belatedly raised the temperature in the cabin. Within minutes, he was relieved color was seeping into his friend’s face. “Let’s get you back into bed and under the covers.”

He grabbed another thermal blanket, glancing around the room. McCoy asked, “What happened? It looks like a tornado came through here.”

“L-lost my temper.”

“I’d say. About what?”

Kirk was starting to relax. However, the chilling was lessened but never stopped. His core body temperature was still subnormal. McCoy automatically rested a hand on the slender shaking shoulder when Kirk explained in a subdued tone. “Spock was flirting with a Vulcan woman.”

He couldn’t help it; the doctor gave a startled laugh. “Let me get this straight. You said, Spock was flirting?”

“Sounds ridiculous when you say it.”

As another shudder coursed through the captain, McCoy glanced around. “Where is Spock?”

Not answering, Kirk buried his head in his blankets. But when McCoy asked the computer to locate Spock, the captain sat up, crying out, “No, don’t!”

Shocked, McCoy ignored his demand and requested the Vulcan’s presence in their quarters.

When Spock arrived, McCoy narrowed his eyes as he noted small tremors also shaking the Vulcan as he headed unsteadily for Kirk’s bed. His breathing was not as harsh as Jim’s, but his respirations were labored.

Kirk tried to pull back when Spock reached for him. “I don’t…I’m sorry.”

McCoy was thankful when Spock ignored Kirk’s withdrawal. The Vulcan drew Kirk into an embrace, wrapping his arms around the shaking human. Almost instantly, both men relaxed, the shudders reducing to mild shivers.

The doctor studied his mediscanner as Spock brushed fingers across Kirk’s temple. The captain breathed a sigh. “Ashayam. I am sorry.”

McCoy reviewed the results from both men. They were suffering from the same symptoms and yet were now almost spontaneously recovering as they continued to hold one another. Jim’s oxygen level had returned to normal. Even their core body temperature was beginning to correct itself.

Remaining quietly in a chair close to the bed, he monitored their changing vitals. Clearing his throat, he ordered, “I want you both to lie down, and continue the contact between you. I will monitor you until I feel you are stable. If and when I do leave, I expect you both to report to sickbay before duty in the morning. Got it?”

Jim’s eyes were tightly closed, his face still pale and the occasional shaking of his upper body causing his breathing to be rough. Spock shifted both of them down on the bed. As McCoy covered them with several blankets, it was Spock who answered.

“Agreed, Doctor McCoy.”

He shook his head at the formal response. Sinking back in the chair by the bed, McCoy rubbed his eyes before running his scan again.  

Three months after their mission to Xindi, Kirk felt like he was beginning to adjust to the changes in his appearance. Kirk and Spock were on shoreleave on a quiet planet in the Centauri system. They were shopping in an outside venue with numerous street vendors. The mall contained multiple intriguing scents. However, Kirk found himself drawn to a tent full of fresh flowers. He followed an aroma, wondering why he was suddenly salivating.

Almost out of site of the main rows of flowers, he located a flower with the appearance of an Earth Orchid, bright and colorful.  Unable to resist, he plucked a petal, inhaling the scent deeply. Without thinking, Kirk found himself sampling the flower, biting down on the bittersweet petal. Delicious!

“Hey! You have to pay for the merchandise!”

The captain had already stuffed another petal into his mouth. Embarrassed, he flushed as he faced the merchant. Spock was staring at him curiously. Swallowing quickly, Kirk bowed his head then fished in his pocket depositing a few coins in the man’s hand.

He followed Spock out of the stall, quickly finishing the flower. His steps slowed as they moved several feet away.

At the raised eyebrow pointed in his direction, Kirk shrugged. “I can’t explain it. I saw this flower and just had a sudden intense craving to try it.”

Amusement coloring his tone, Spock asked, “I was unaware that you enjoyed Favinit.

The captain shook his head unable to keep from shooting a lingering glance at the flower stall. “It’s called Favinit? Actually, I don’t remember wanting to eat a flower before.”

“It is a delicacy on Vulcan, and I am aware of several dishes which can be made with it.” Spock followed his gaze to the merchant. “We could obtain some more if you would like and possibly some seeds.”

Kirk smiled, leaning over to place a quick kiss on the Vulcan’s cheek despite being surrounded by people shopping nearby. “Please.”

As they finished the purchase, a voluptuous woman, with a revealing blouse accosted them outside the shop, exuding strong pheromones.  She leaned toward the captain. “Are you looking for a good time? I would make it worth your while, I’ve been watching you—"

Spock stepped in front of Kirk; his face severe. “Step away from my mate immediately.”

The woman rolled her eyes, “Mate? You’re way too old for him.” She smiled seductively at Kirk, lifting a manicured hand to touch his cheek.

“Bondmate.” Kirk said firmly, grabbing Spock’s hand. “Let’s go, husband.”

They were nearly out of the mall of vendors when Spock stopped to look inside a small business displaying a table of older books.

 Still outside, Kirk’s arm was suddenly caught, and he was dragged several feet away. A tall, beefy humanoid male lifted him in the air. “You dare to accost my wife? She tells me you attacked her and tore her blouse.”

“You are mistaken. I have not—”

He was shaken roughly. “Listen pretty boy, you are going to pay for your actions.”

The captain brought his knees up and slammed them into the man’s groin area. It had no effect. The man shook him again violently and then dropped him to his feet. A large fist was slammed into Kirk’s jaw. He fell back, unable to keep his feet.

As the male was drawing a foot back to kick him, the captain was relieved despite his embarrassment to see Spock step into the fray. The Vulcan caught the man’s foot, upending him to the ground. He stood over him, his voice shaking with unaccustomed anger. “You will cease attempting to harm my bondmate. He did not accost your wife, she approached him in the middle of the mall. There are witnesses. Leave now while you can.”

The man scrambled to his feet. “You call my wife a liar?” He turned back swiftly despite his bulk, aiming a fist at Kirk who had regained his feet.

Spock growled and lifted a hand to the stubborn man’s shoulder. It took a few seconds longer than usual, the humanoid almost grabbing his arm to pull it down. But finally, he fell unconscious to the ground.

Kirk brushed his clothes down, knocking the dust off. “The bigger they are, the harder they fall.” But his voice was shaking.

Spock tried to grasp his hand, but Kirk turned away, heading down the path to their cabin.

They were a few meters from the cabin they had rented for the next few days before the captain glanced sideways at him. His voice was subdued. “He didn’t even flinch when I tried to knee him. And when he had hold of my arms, I couldn’t break his grip.” Drawing a breath, he shook his head. “This body might be young and nimble, but I am weak.”

“Jim, I agree your musculature is less than it was. And you have been working on a program to change your physique.” He caught Kirk’s arm stopping him. The captain looked up briefly, his face flushing red, the left cheek already swelling from the attack. “You must realize, he was not a simple human. I am not certain what planet he is from, but it is obviously a heavier gravity world. I had difficulty accessing the appropriate musculature to place a nerve pinch on him.” He lifted a hand to caress the younger man’s jaw and then rested it lightly on the swollen cheek. “We should treat this when we return to the cabin. “

Nodding, Kirk rested a hand over Spock’s fingers. He frowned, “You know it wasn’t just that I couldn’t take him down; it was the woman also that was upsetting. When I was younger, before I met you, I didn’t always enjoy the way some people threw themselves at me, both men and women. He gestured to his face, “They just assume that because of my looks I want to have intimate relations. I have never understood it, I’m not that good looking. I will admit, I did use it sometimes to help reach a goal.”

Spock stopped to draw Kirk into a kiss. “I fear I will not be able to idly stand by and watch you use your body to influence another being as you did in the past. I had to do this on our first mission. This is when I became aware of my attraction to you.” He rested his thumb on the full lips. “You are quite beautiful.”

Kirk gave an irritated grunt. “You will never use that word again.” He looked down and then back at Spock through his long lashes. “Unless I’m allowed to return the favor. You grow more beautiful with each passing day.”

Spock gathered him into his arms, pressing another kiss against his lips. “As do you. I do not believe you are aware you radiate a sensual charisma which creates an atmosphere of desire from our crew and today, I see outside the crew. I have to admit to meditating frequently to reduce my covetous response to people’s reactions. Instead of decreasing, my desire for you overwhelms me frequently.”

“Spock!” Kirk drew a couple of breaths before clamping down on his reactions. “I guess I better be glad you are drawn to me even now in this ridiculous body.”

“If I had a choice, I would prefer you at the age you were before Xindi. I am learning to make do with your current status.”

The captain drew him into a hug, holding him tightly for a few seconds before laughing lightly. “Well let’s go make do at our cabin.”

Once inside, Spock caught Jim eyeing the carry bag containing the Favinit. He reached inside the bag, rinsed one of the flowers under running water and presented the prize with a flourish.

Kirk grinned, his previously sour mood gone as he began to munch on the petals and then the stem, closing his eyes in appreciation.

“We may have the ingredients needed to make Favinit soup. Would you like to try some?”

The captain nodded quickly, his cheeks flushing slightly. Spock sat down beside him, running his fingers over the human’s wrist. He was puzzled by this odd craving; he was aware it was often a specialty item for gestating Vulcan females.

A wave of sadness and longing pushed through Spock’s mind. He was on the bridge, completing a computation for the computer upgrade. He paused, his thoughts turning inward. Jim’s shields were down, and his feelings were flooding Spock’s awareness.

“Captain Spock?” Lieutenant Edmundson said in a puzzled tone.

He straightened and looked at the display in front of them. “I must request we complete this in the morning. I am needed elsewhere.’

She nodded, immediately reaching to shut down their work, ensuring everything was saved.

As he headed to their quarters, Spock attempted to reassure his bondmate. But Jim, once aware he was projecting, shielded, hiding the multiple emotions he was feeling.

In their quarters, he discovered the captain curled up on their couch, his arms around a pillow. Spock immediately noted the wet cheeks as Kirk quickly brushed the evidence away. He sat down beside him, pulling the golden head onto his lap. Spock brushed his fingers through the soft, curling hair, When Jim scrubbed his face with the side of his hand, Spock said gently, “Ashayam? Is there something I can help with?”

The captain shook his head, wrapping his arms around Spock’s thighs. He sniffed, giving an embarrassed laugh. “Just keep doing what you are doing now.”

Spock paused, puzzled at first and Jim’s body tensed. He resumed his gentle head massage, sending a wordless pulse of love through their link. Undemanding. Supportive. Affectionate. His bondmate relaxed, snuggling his head in Spock’s lap. His voice trembled as he said, “I love you, Ashayam.”

Spock allowed his hand to drift down to massage the tight shoulders. He leaned down, pressing a kiss to the youthful cheek. Continuing the massage, brushing his fingers along his shoulders, neck and then scalp, Spock was relieved when Jim relaxed into a light sleep.

Unwilling to risk wakening Jim, he brushed the PSI points to ensure the captain remained asleep and carried him to bed, marveling at the lightweight body. He shook his head at his own folly for being puzzled about Jim’s distress, his mate had to be experiencing difficulty adjusting to the change in his physique.

General hilarity could be heard through the open doors into the hydroponics deck. Through the link, Spock felt Jim’s amusement bubbling over and was relieved. He had felt a disturbing unease earlier from his bondmate.

Inside, he did not locate the captain. Yeoman Syck was beside Tinser, and they were both giggling as they yelled out, “Here!”

A young girl stood up, obviously disappointed to be found. Syck immediately gathered her up and had her join the search for the rest of the children hiding in the bushes.

//Jim? Where are you?”

//Under our rose bush. //

Frowning, Spock made his way towards the captain, careful not to give away his location. He watched another child scampering behind a large tree as he passed.

As he knelt, the captain glanced over at him, holding a finger to his lips. His eyes were sparkling but Spock was shocked at the dark circles under eyes accenting how pale his face was.

//Ashayam? You appear fatigued. //

Grimacing, Kirk shifted, taking his hand. At his touch, Spock was aware of a slight chilling and again he sensed the unease from earlier.

Suddenly a cheer went up as Tinser pointed at the captain hidden behind the roses.

Kirk started to rise, and discovered his balance was slightly compromised. Spock steadied him and they both looked around.  The captain called out to Yeoman Syck. “Tinser, you and Ms. Syck have located five of us, but I do not see Cody.”

A nine-year-old girl, Naomia, pointed shyly at the large tree in the middle of the garden. Everyone looked up but Kirk couldn’t see him. He called out, “Cody. Are you up there? Are you okay?”

The boy didn’t reply at first. Spock said quietly, “I think I see him.”

Yeoman Syck moved to the captain’s side. “Cody?” she called gently.

Finally, the boy’s voice floated down to them, sounding frightened. “I don’t think I can do it. Come down.”

Kirk straightened in alarm, eyeing the tree. Dizziness flooded him as he stared up at the boy in the tree. Spock was holding his arm, looking up at the boy. He said, “I believe I can assist.”

They were both interrupted by Syck. She thwarted their move to try to rescue the boy. Without hesitation, she climbed the tree to the top in a matter of seconds. Surprised, Kirk could only watch as she managed to coax the young boy to descend with her guiding his steps.

On the ground, he hung his head in embarrassment. Kirk was relieved the other kids were cheering both the Yeoman and Cody.

The captain moved to the boy’s side, seeing he was trying to keep from crying. He squeezed his shoulder, saying, “I think I was about your age when I attempted to climb a flat side of a cliff and halfway up, I could not go forward or backward. I was petrified with fear. Thank goodness my brother Sam helped me back down.”

“Your brother?” Cody sniffed, regaining his control. The captain couldn’t resist and drew the boy into a hug.

Syck eyed the captain and stepped forward. “All right. Let’s all go to the messhall for celebratory ice cream. I’m afraid the captain has ship’s business to attend.” She herded them to the exit almost before Kirk had a chance to argue.

“What was that about, Spock? You mean I don’t get ice cream?”

Spock could not prevent the smile that appeared with the pouting face Kirk was exhibiting. “You have become increasingly pale.  I believe she was concerned about you. If you want, I will obtain ice cream after we see Doctor McCoy.”

Kirk shook his head. “I’m feeling better now with you here. I am tired even though I slept well last night. Could I just take a nap? That should help.”

Watching his face, Spock was aware forcing Jim to go to sickbay now would annoy him. He decided to change the subject. “Jim, our horticulturalist, Doctor Lopez has helped me start a new project. I would like to show it to you.”

Still frowning, Kirk gestured with his hands. “Okay.”

Across the large space was a section along the wall with crates filled with new plants. “I provided the seeds for the Favinit, and they have already started to sprout.”

Kirk crossed over to the new plants. His face lit up with joy, color pushing away the paleness in his cheeks. “Really?  This is fantastic! How long until the bloom? I’m halfway through the flowers we obtained.”

“Doctor Lopez indicated blooming may occur within the next three weeks.”

Seeing the room was empty, Spock put his arm around Kirk’s waist, drawing him into an embrace. Kirk rested his head on the Vulcan’s chest. “Thank you, K’diwa.” He put his arm around Spock’s waist as well, moving toward the exit. “Our quarters. If I’m still feeling like this after I rest, then I’ll see McCoy. Otherwise, I am scheduled for the weekly check in the morning.”

Spock tightened his hold and then dropped his arm as they left the room. Uncharacteristically, the captain continued to hold him. The action was surprising, the captain was extremely protective of their privacy.

The Enterprise was headed to their next assignment, on a scientific mission requiring Spock’s expertise. Still nearly a week away, Kirk sat in the captain’s chair, trying to review a report on the screen he had pulled up in front of him.

He felt his eyes growing heavy, an unexpected wave of exhaustion flooding him. His head nodded once before he caught himself. He gestured to his yeoman. “Ms. Syck. Would you bring a large black coffee?”

He stood and took a turn around the bridge while he waited. He paused beside Spock, resting a hand on his shoulder. At the raised eyebrow, he shrugged. “Tired for some reason. I’m all right.”

As he moved to Scott’s station, the requested coffee arrived, and he took in a grateful breath of the aroma. For a moment, there was a warning twinge in his stomach which he ignored. Taking a mouthful, Kirk moved toward his chair.

His stomach twisted unexpectedly. He swallowed hard but realized it was not going to stay down. Moving purposefully to the ready room, he gave a brief nod at Spock and disappeared through the doors. Barely making it to the fresher, Kirk lost the contents of his stomach explosively. Leaning over the sink, he dry-heaved until he was able to rinse his mouth of the sour taste.

He glanced up with a wry grin as Spock joined him. “Something didn’t sit right.” He straightened. “I’m okay now.”

“Perhaps you could take this opportunity to rest. You indicated you were tired. This shift does not have any urgent concerns to be addressed.”

Grimacing, Kirk turned to the conference table. “How about I just work in here for a while?”

He could feel the concern through their link but was relieved when Spock agreed. Knowing he wanted to help, the captain requested, “Can you replicate me some of your herbal tea? It sounds good.”

A week later, Spock was in their quarters working on the information to be prepared to negotiate with the Densei.  The captain was watching a holo in their living area, but Spock could feel his restlessness. He glanced over with fondness as Kirk suddenly stood, striding toward the door.

“Think I’ll go bother McCoy. He seems to have disappeared off the grid the last few days.”

Spock couldn’t stop the amused twitch of his lips as he said. “I have seen him with Healer T’Lyn in the mess hall recently.”

Kirk gave a delighted grin. “Great! I’ll have something to annoy him about.” He crossed over to Spock’s side, lifting his two fingers. Spock slid his own slowly across Jim’s, allowing his own pleasure to flow through the contact.

Kirk teased, “Perhaps I should annoy you, Ashayam.”

“I must finish this report. I am expected to provide details to the captain first thing in the morning.” Spock arched an eyebrow at the Fleet Captain.

Kirk laughed. “Perhaps the captain could be persuaded to delay your meeting with him?”

“Go Jim.”

Kirk frowned, for a moment appearing crestfallen. He said quietly, “You’ll miss me?”

“Always.”

Spock was surprised by the tremulous smile when Kirk turned away. Before he could follow him, the captain slipped out the door.

Opening his link, he was not surprised to feel the sensation of loss. This had been occurring more frequently in the last week. He had not spoken to Jim about it but knew he must be experiencing disquiet when they were apart. There had been multiple times in the last few days, the captain had come to find him in the labs usually within thirty minutes of his leaving the bridge. And Spock had been unable to keep from following the captain to Engineering this morning only forty minutes after Kirk had left.

He tried to send a feeling of support, concerned now that the feeling of unease was increasing for both of them.

Suddenly the doors opened, and Kirk flew through them. With panicked breaths he deposited himself in Spock’s lap.  He fit easily with this younger lighter weight body. Spock immediately drew him within his protective embrace.

“Ashayam. Hold me.” Arms crept around his neck to hold onto him tightly. “Don’t let go.”

“What happened, Jim?”

Refusing to release his near strangle hold on the Vulcan’s neck, he whispered, “It was bizarre. The further down the corridor I got I felt an overwhelming need to be near you. On the turbolift, I panicked. I don’t remember feeling like that in a long time. Actually, never.”

His own need to hold Jim close continued to guide his actions. Spock stood, lifting Kirk easily, ignoring his startled squawk. He moved them to their couch. “I believe we could use a cuddle date this evening. I can finish the report in the morning.”

Giving a strangled laugh, Kirk nodded. Spock was suddenly aware Jim was battling tears. Finally, the captain said almost too quietly to be heard. “I’d like that. We’ve kind of fallen—” He stopped, tightening his arms again.

After long minutes, Kirk was calmer. Spock was glad he stayed quietly in his arms. “Jim, I, too, have experienced disquiet this week when separated from you. This morning, if you will remember, I followed you to Engineering because of this feeling.”

Giving another tremulous smile, Kirk shook his head. “Quit trying to make me feel better. This is rather silly for a Starship Captain to not want to be separated from you.”

“However, I believe I am experiencing difficulty as well with separation.”

The human’s pounding heartbeat was slowly subsiding. Kirk rested his head heavily on his shoulder. After several minutes, he shifted to lay on the sofa, his head on Spock’s lap.

Running his fingers through the curly, blonde hair, Spock kept one arm in place across his chest.

Kirk said quietly, “How about you read the information to me? We can prepare for the landing party together.”

Retrieving the pad, Spock asked, “You intend to accompany the landing party?” He felt his T’hy’la tense.

Regretting questioning Jim; they had discussed this rather heatedly the evening before. Spock said, “I will welcome your presence.”

He began to read the tedious information. Kirk’s tension slowly eased. After a few minutes, the captain interjected questions and comments for the next hour. Then he slipped into a restless sleep.

Again, lifting the human, he headed for their sleeping area. Before he could put Kirk in the bed, Jim whispered, “I could get used to being pampered by you. Not sure why I’m so clingy these last few days.”

Then just as Spock bent to deposit him on the bed, Kirk sighed. “I have to relieve myself. Been having to void more frequently the last few days. I don’t remember having that problem when I was in my twenties.”

“Perhaps it is time for you to see Dr. McCoy. I am aware of your continuing nausea. And you have been fatigued lately. I believe your lower back has been causing discomfort. It is possible you have some type of mild infection.”

“You forgot to mention my weight gain. Despite my workouts this week, this” He gestured to his abdomen, “is still increasingly flabby.” He frowned as he patted the stomach, “Actually, it’s not flabby at all, tight and increasing in size.”  Kirk plodded from the bathroom back to their bed, stripping to his shorts. “I don’t want to bother Bones; he’s probably playing footsie with T’Lyn. I’m fine, Spock.”

Spock allowed his amusement through the link. //Footsie? //

Kirk sent a wave of affection and then patted the bed. “Join me? I want to feel your arms around me.”

Chapter Text

The planet’s inhabitants had achieved space flight but remained primitive in many of their beliefs and cultural practices. Spock had privately relayed to Captain Kirk his opinion they were not ready to become Federation members. It would require more study and teams to ensure they met the principles of the Federation.

The leaders were young and took great pleasure in their appearance. The Enterprise landing party had participated in morning festivities and a luncheon with rather salacious performances by both male and females.

McCoy seated on the opposite side of Kirk, asked quietly. “Jim, you feeling okay? You are looking peaked. You haven’t touched your food.”

“I’m fine. Just not very hungry.” Kirk tried to give a reassuring smile and turned to Spock. “Any chance we can leave soon? I’ve seen enough.”

“Agreed.” The Vulcan could not prevent the frown from pulling his eyebrows down. “I believe there is a ceremony they are requesting you participate in. I have not been able to clarify what this entails.”

McCoy leaned over, “Great! Another ritual. Jim don’t make any more wishes. I’m afraid of you turning into a baby next time.”

Kirk grimaced, his exhaustion preventing him from making a witty reply.

At his lack of response, McCoy sent a sharp glance. He rested a hand on his wrist, quickly taking his pulse.  “Jim. Frankly, you don’t look well. How about I claim medical precedence and take you back to the ship? Spock can take over here.”

Spock was nodding but the captain’s face became paler. “No. I’m not leaving Spock here.” He reached out, gripping the Vulcan’s hand.  //Don’t leave me! //

Alarmed at the captain’s sudden panic, Spock sent reassurance through the link. //I am here. I will not leave you. //

Their table was surrounded by several natives in swirling dresses and robes. Two young women moved close to the captain, grasping his arms to pull Kirk from his chair. “Come James Kirk. You are to join in our ceremony to bring prosperity and joy to our people. We have waited for one like you.” The one tall, slender brunette with hair brushing down to her waist, ran fingers down the side of his face. He tried to draw away and she laughed, both women holding him firmly in place. “You are our savior, the golden one.”

Alarmed at her words, Spock tried to remove their hands but was immediately pushed away by the multiple natives surrounding Kirk. They pulled him to another room with a high ceiling and a platform in the middle.  He pulled his out his communicator, but hands reached out and pulled it from his grasp.

Spock caught sight of McCoy trying to follow them. He ordered, “Dr. McCoy. Call for emergency beam out now!”

Pushing forward, he narrowed his eyes as Kirk was guided forcefully to the platform.  The Vulcan surged toward the step, reaching to grasp his bondmate’s hand and felt the beginning of a tingling feeling through his touch. Alarmed, he leapt on the platform, almost throwing Kirk from it as a beam enveloped his form.

On the ground near the platform, Kirk looked back in horror, watching the fading form of Spock disappear in an energy beam. “Spock!”

“Security!” He stood, retrieving his communicator. “Get a security team here now and secure the exits.” He adjusted the communicator, “Spock! Answer me, Spock!”

There was no answer. Trembling, Kirk fell back to his knees, communicator in suddenly shaky hands. “Commander Uhura!”

“Aye, Captain.”

“They’ve used a type of energy matter device and have taken Spock. Can you locate him?”

“Working. Security will be returning you to the Enterprise.”

“No!” Almost hysterical, Kirk forced himself to draw a deep breath. His vision wavered, the room beginning to swirl around him.

Arms on his shoulder steadied him. “Jim.”

McCoy knelt in front of him. Unable to keep from reaching out, he leaned forward, grasping the doctor’s arms. “Spock’s gone. They’ve taken him. He isn’t answering his communicator.”

The security team had managed to secure the room, forcing the natives to leave.  Six crewmen stood in a semi-circle around Kirk and McCoy, four of them running continuous scans. Lieutenant Terika stated, “There does not appear to be an activating mechanism in this room. The beam must have come from another source.”

Kirk’s hand was still shaking as he tried to open his communicator. McCoy took it, holding it out for him. “Uhura, the energy beam originated from another source. Triangulate. Locate the source.”

McCoy leaned forward. “Who’s on the bioscan monitor? Has it registered Spock?”

Scott must have been at Uhura’s side. “I have been since the captain notified us. So far, his biosigns are not registering.”

“Nyota, try his communicator!” Kirk snapped. His head came up when there was immediately the sound of beeping.

Terika said grimly. “His communicator is here. He must have dropped it.”

Black dots were swimming in his vision. Kirk felt blackness encroaching and he couldn’t keep from moaning. McCoy wrapped an arm around his shoulders. “You’re hyperventilating, Jim. Slow, easy breaths.” The doctor managed to retrieve a hypo. “Easy. This will help your breathing.”

Kirk barely felt the injection. An overwhelming feeling of terror was infiltrating his skin down to his marrow. Unsuccessfully, he attempted to control the shaking, taking over his muscles. He gritted through his teeth, trying to keep his voice low. “Need Spock. I. Need him.”

He felt McCoy nod. “Let’s get you back to the Enterprise, then—”

“No!” He tried to pull away. “Terika, get the leaders and our diplomat in here now. We need to talk to them.”

McCoy watched anxiously as Kirk interviewed the leaders, grilling both the leaders and the diplomat. He managed to force them to allow their security and science team to scan the building and all rooms. 

Now, nearly two hours later, the captain continued to be experiencing unexplainable symptoms. He was tachycardic, respirations harsh, blood pressure too low and his temperature was subnormal. His color was gray, and he was cold and clammy. His tremors were continuing and every few minutes he appeared close to losing consciousness. His eyes would flicker and roll back slightly before the jaw clenched, Kirk straightening.

Finally, the doctor could not hold back any longer. He had been in touch with T’Lyn frequently. With a frustrated sigh, he approached the captain, lightly touching his arm. 

The expression in the hazel eyes was a surprise. It was a rare occasion for the captain to panic, much less show it. He shook his head, “Don’t make me leave, Bones. I can’t leave him here.”

Feeling as if he was an executioner, McCoy ran his scanner briefly. “Jim, let your team work. Your readings are a nightmare. You’re not helping Spock any right now. Let me help you then we can help Spock.”

His words only served to upset Kirk more. Wrapping his arms tightly around himself, the effort to control the shaking only made it worse. “I can feel him. He’s in pain. But something in me is-. I need-” He broke off, his eyes rolling back.

McCoy had to move quickly to catch Kirk, lowering him to the ground.  Within seconds, he had them beamed aboard the Enterprise. T’Lyn was there, not hesitating to lift the captain onto the waiting stretcher. Running to sickbay, McCoy was almost relieved when Jim was too disoriented to argue with them.

Spock was immediately placed inside a small square enclosure, 96 centimeters square. He was forced to pull his knees to his chest and fold his head down over his knees. Women surrounded him, dressed in long robes. They had a maniacal look in their eyes, open wide, pupils dilated. He presumed they had ingested a mind-altering substance. 

Attempting to lower a lid over his head, there suddenly was a loud cacophony of sounds. Someone savagely pulled him from the box and used a large sledgehammer to break both his legs. He was then shoved back inside the enclosure. The top fitting now that he was bent further over his fractured legs. He held back a moan, attempting to suppress the bond between his mate to prevent upsetting Jim.

Once the lid was hammered into place, the painful conditions were outweighed by a severe decrease in oxygen. Only cracks in the sides allowed for a limited supply of air.

He could feel Jim’s pounding fear through their bond. Their connection was severely limited, and Spock concentrated on allowing positive feelings to reach through to reassure his bondmate. 

After nine point three hours in the restricted position, Spock began to experience severe muscle cramps and increasing difficulty finding enough air to breathe. He pushed against the sides again, attempting to locate a weakened section. The effort expended depleted his ability to inhale and Spock had to fight against gasping which would only decrease his available air.

Focusing on his inner touchpoints, Spock knew his only way to survive was to reduce his sensitivity to external stimuli. Essentially entering a healing trance. It would leave him open to attack if his captors should decide to open the enclosure. And he knew Jim would be unable to feel their bond and would suffer even more than he was now.

//Ashayam.// He reached out mentally. // Taluhk nash-veh k’dular.//

His attempt to send another wave of reassurance was met with an inability to reach through the chaos he sensed in Kirk’s mind, again feeling pulses of fear and near panic. //Ashayam. I am here. //

Breathing was eluding him, gasping without success. Spock realizing, he was close to losing consciousness which would result in his actual death. Quickly, he located the systems within, brutally closing down all functions not required to survive. Carefully he slowed his heart rate and respiratory system. Finally, he sent one last pulse of love to his T’hy’la and reduced his brain function with only seconds to spare before the inner darkness came crashing in.

Replacing fluids and stabilizing the captain’s chemical imbalance did not improve his friend’s condition. Kirk was awake, strong chills cramping throughout his entire body. He gasped for air, despite the oxygen tent surrounding him. Far worse were the small sounds of agony escaping his lips.

McCoy held his hand, the blunt fingers clamped forcefully around his own slender ones. T’Lyn stood on the other side, calmly scanning Kirk. There was a slight frown, only visible from the two small lines between her eyebrows. 

Finally, she straightened, putting the scanner down. “There is not a physical cause for this reaction.”

McCoy shook his head. “I witnessed a much milder reaction a few weeks ago with both Spock and Jim. They were separated for a few hours and both experienced similar symptoms. Nothing that required intervention other than the two of them reuniting.”

T’Lyn expression showed surprise before she controlled this. “Interesting. I would like to propose a mind meld with a goal to examine and stabilize the bond.”

McCoy nodded. “Jim. Will you allow T’Lyn to do a mind meld?”

His only answer was the same word Kirk had repeated in the last few hours. “T’hy’la.”

He knew T’Lyn would need Kirk’s consent. He repeated, “Jim if you consent to a mind meld, squeeze my hand.”

The fingers already tight around his hand squeezed painfully. McCoy nodded but held up his other hand to T’Lyn. Let me check in with Uhura.”

The call resulted in the same dismal answer as before, they were unable to locate Spock on the planet. He gestured to the Healer. “What do you need?”

She glanced around the room, taking in the multiple personnel providing support for the machines surrounding Kirk. “I would benefit from a reduction in external stimuli.”

Grimacing, McCoy ordered all devices removed, maintaining only the biosign monitor. If he could watch these then he could take quick action if needed.

T’Lyn’s face was serene for several seconds and then her expression contorted. She spoke out loud, phrases seemingly unconnected. “Strong need. Fear…must feel…need T’hy’la. Can’t touch.” She repositioned her fingers, frowning. “The bond is strong but cannot complete connection. Extreme muscle agony…breathing difficult.” She drew a breath, swaying. She pressed her fingers deeper against his cheek. Gasping, she whispered, “There is another. A presence. Weak…the link must be maintained.” Her breaths grew harsher. She continued; her words disjointed. “No Oxygen. Above 6489 meters…Carbon dioxide…sulfur dioxide…cannot breathe. Healing trance only option. Ashayam, Taluhk nash-veh k’dular.”

Suddenly Kirk screamed, collapsing. His body appeared lifeless, all his vital signs dropping at the same time. T’Lyn’s fingers slipped from his face, and she fell to the floor.

McCoy yelled out for help, grateful for his well-trained staff, who flowed in effortlessly. A team moved T’Lyn to another biobed while the first group immediately attached life support to Captain Kirk.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the Vulcan Healer sit straight up, dislodging a monitor attached to her. “Leonard. Hear me.”

Shooting a quick glance at Kirk’s steady monitor, now on full life support, the doctor moved to her side. The Vulcan continued to breathe rapidly. “Spock. Location above 6489 meters. Present was sulfur dioxide. Focus search on these parameters.”

McCoy nodded, turning to the wall panel. T’Lyn stopped him, she unexpectedly raised her hand to place her fingers on his face. //James carries life within. In his mind, another bond. //

“What life?” McCoy felt T’Lyn jerk in reaction to his spoken word, but he was unable to communicate through the mind touch. “You mean an alien life form?”

//Refrain from speaking aloud. James carries a child within. We must confirm and adjust his treatment accordingly. Respect demands we not share this information until both Honored Spock and Captain Kirk can be informed. //

McCoy found himself swaying, his knees feeling weak. T’Lyn removed her fingers from his face, and she grabbed his arms to support him.

Staff surrounded him with concerned expressions. His nurse, Gulbranson, pushed forward, taking his arm. “Are you harmed, Doctor McCoy?”

He shook his head, his voice whisper thin. “I’m fine. I –” He stopped, clearing his throat. “Get Chekov down here stat. Candi, I need some water.” He faced the team. “Is the captain stable? Give me a verbal rundown of his life signs.”

Gratefully drinking from the pouch shoved into his hands, the CMO listened, his eyes drifting to the motionless form of his friend. And couldn’t keep his eyes from drifting down to the flat stomach. A child? What the hell?

“Excellent work. Dr. Bolton, I’m assigning you to the biosign monitor on the bridge. Report to Commander Uhura. Provide status updates to my office every thirty minutes on the search results for Captain Spock.”

“Yes sir.” Bolton turned promptly and exited. 

Chekov appeared, breathless as if he had run here from the bridge. McCoy relayed the information from T’Lyn. The Lieutenant bounced on his toes in excitement. Sounds like a Volcano. We’ll start searching there.”

The doctor warned him that Spock’s biosigns might be difficult to locate due to the healing trance.  Drawing a breath, he knew his staff was not likely to understand or agree with his next request. “I need the room cleared now, only Healer T’Lyn and I will remain.”

Gulbranson frowned, “Sir, I must monitor his life signs. Even a few seconds could mean the difference between life and death.”

McCoy joined her by Kirk’s side. He reached down to grasp Jim’s hand. “Use the monitor room station and let me know immediately if there is a change. Both T’Lyn and I will also be monitoring.”

There was grumbling from the staff as they left the room. Locking the door, he began pushing a second scanner toward the bed and T’Lyn activated a device located above Kirk.

In the eerie humming silence, there was the sudden sound of a rapid heartbeat. McCoy immediately glanced at Kirk’s heartrate which was too fast, close to 154 beats per minute. But this heartrate was registering at 238 beats per minute. His heart in his throat, he watched as T’Lyn refocused the scan on Kirk’s abdomen. 

Incredibly, there was a growth in the abdomen, a sac containing a fetus barely four centimeters. “By the gods! When? How?” He studied the monitor, scanning the information. “Human DNA and Vulcan. Are Spock and Jim the parents? And again how?”

T’Lyn had introduced a different scanner, defining the development of the fetus.  As she waited, her shocked green eyes met his. “We must adjust his nutrients to nurture the child. It was urgent to know immediately to prevent us from harming this life and inadvertently administering improper medication.”

McCoy hesitantly put his fingers on the flat abdomen, nearly jerking his hand back when he realized there was a slight mound in the upper portion of his abdomen. “He hasn’t had any difficulty so far.”

“You mentioned he was looking tired a few days ago. I am aware he experienced nausea three days ago. And his extreme reaction to being separated from his bondmate in the first stages of development of the child confirm the diagnosis.”

“When?” McCoy stopped himself. “Any idea when this happened?”

“By human standards, this is a seventeen-week fetus.”

“That would have been about when he was reverted to a younger age.”

Gulbranson’s voice startled McCoy. “Doctor, a slight drop of blood pressure.”

“I’m taking care of it.”

“I would appreciate being allowed to take care of my patient, doctor.”

He grimaced. “Give us another few seconds.”

T’Lyn had turned to the scanner and was applying a code to only allow McCoy or her access to the scans of the fetus. “We can review the previous scans in your office to discover why this was missed.” She reached out, pressing her hand over McCoy’s which had remained on Kirk’s abdomen.

“As I stated, the dangerous symptoms the captain displayed when Spock was abducted was the result of a gestational bondmate being separated from his mate. In this stage of development, separation from the bondmate places both the fetus and Kirk in grave danger. At this time, I am recommending sedation until they are reunited.”

He nodded. “I place them both under your care. All treatments must be authorized by you. McCoy turned to Kirk, pushing blond hair from his forehead. “Hang in there, Jimboy.”

It was over three days before Spock’s bioscan monitor on the bridge came to life. Chekov located him on the summit of an active volcano. Per the Lieutenant, the activity in the volcano had interfered with all of their scans.

Without warning, they beamed Spock directly to sickbay, shocking the staff. Gulbranson yelled for McCoy as she rushed to Vulcan’s side. “We need air force fields now. And someone get a blanket. Computer, increase temperature by six degrees.”

McCoy skidded into the room, his eyes not quite believing what he was seeing. The Vulcan was folded into an impossible position. His knees up to his chest, arms bent awkwardly, possibly fractured. The head was pressed against the knees tightly, again the neck so compromised, he could not be sure it was broken. The legs were grossly misshapen, bone showing through the skin from compound fractures. There was no movement, no sounds of life. He appeared to have been taken from inside a small enclosure which did not allow him to move, much less breathe freely. McCoy felt his chest seize as he realized Spock must have been kept in this position since he was abducted.

“Gently, lift him to the bed, implement air force fields to keep him from accidentally harming himself. Where’s Dr. T’Lyn. We need scans now.”

The quiet calm tone of their Healer helped to steady McCoy as he studied the extreme physical condition Spock was experiencing. She explained, “He is in a trance, has been since the beginning. He is near death and despite the contraindication, should be placed on life support. However, we cannot straighten any of his extremities or joints or head immediately or risk further injuries including fractures and torn ligaments.”

McCoy nodded. He glanced over at Gulbranson, nodding as she approached with life support. They began the full body scanning working around the tubes. The detailed list of fractured bones was hard to comprehend. Even his cervical vertebrae were in danger of compromising the spinal cord.

After hours of frantic actions by the medical team, McCoy found some relief that Spock’s head and neck had eased back to allow them to support the spinal column with an air brace until he was stable for surgery. The combination of muscle relaxants and anti-inflammatories had provided limited positive results.

It was the next day before they felt he was stable to be moved closer to his bondmate. The mere presence of Kirk was enough to draw Spock back from the deep trance he had implemented. T’Lyn insisted they both be in the same room, despite the critical condition of Spock.

Bolton reduced the sedation on Kirk and within minutes, the captain was reaching out for Spock, calling his name. McCoy glanced over at Spock’s bed separated by one point two meters from Kirk’s bed. He ordered the beds moved close enough for the two men to touch. 

With Kirk’s touch, Spock drew in a breath. T’Lyn stood to the side, scanning intently. “He was deep in withdrawal in the trance. It will take time to travel back but the best treatment is to allow them to stay in contact.”

The Vulcan remained in the same position; body completely bent in on itself. The therapist feared even gentle movement would result in torn tendons and possibly fractures. He lay on his side, neck supported in the air brace. his knees pulled up to his chest, arms wrapped around his legs. Bolton and T’Lyn were using the bone regenerator to repair over one hundred fractures. The process was agonizingly slow. The more severe ones in the legs and upper arms would require surgery when he was stable.

The ascent to awareness for Spock was agonizing and only the touch of his bondmate kept him centered. He drifted through memories, quickly leaving his childhood and entering a time of warmth and love. Sharing with his bondmate.  There was confusion and he sensed a presence beyond that was fragile and new. 

Opening his eyes, he found Kirk sitting beside him, head resting on his bed. He attempted to move his arm, grunting with the motion.

Kirk lifted his head, a relieved smile appearing. “Ashaya. You’re awake.” 

“Jim.” He breathed, attempting to move his head and discovering discomfort with the motion. “Am I restrained?”

His bondmate frowned, reassuring him with his touch. He rested his hand on the side of his head. “No K’diwa.  You were locked inside an enclosure. It will take time for you to regain mobility.”

“I feel paralyzed.”

McCoy’s reassuring voice came before he moved within his visual space. “Not paralyzed but your arms, legs and neck are going to take time to regain free motion. You’ve had five surgeries to reduce the fractures in your extremities.  Your recovery may not take long, you just managed to move your head a little. I’d say two to three weeks of recovery time.”

Spock closed his eyes, He knew his first questions should be about the Enterprise, but he only felt urgency regarding his bondmate. “Jim? Your status?”

Kirk grinned, his teeth appearing briefly. “Just fine. After you saved me, and believe me, we will discuss that after you are recovered. Security immediately got me to safety. Once we determined their goal was to obtain a worthy sacrifice, they wanted me but decided they would use you instead. The sacrifice was to ensure prosperity for their crops and people. Commander Uhura has obtained assurance from command this is now a no contact planet.”

“Felt your distress. You had difficulty coping?”

Threading fingers through his own, Spock was relieved when his own fingers moved to close around the human’s. Kirk leaned close, whispering into his ear.  “I’m fine now. I tried not to let you feel my fear. Thought I had lost you.”

Within two days, Spock had managed to regain limited function of his extremities. Knowing the two men would recuperate faster in their quarters, the doctor said apologetically. “Let’s see how you do tonight and in the morning, we’ll see about releasing you. Your physical therapy will be pretty intense for the next few weeks, Spock.”

Kirk grimaced but brightened when McCoy moved a second bed back to Spock’s side where he could rest. He glanced up, narrowing his eyes at McCoy’s seeming good humor. “What’s up? You normally would be a grouch about now, certainly wouldn’t have given in so gracefully to allowing us to sleep together three nights in a row.”

Bouncing on his heels, he could see McCoy fight to cover a grin. “Oh, just shut up and get some rest. We’ll talk in the morning.”

Once they had breakfast, Spock tolerated his first of many planned sessions of therapy. The captain remained at his side, worried eyes following his every painful move.

McCoy showed up with T’Lyn and ushered the two men into his office. Spock was forced to travel in an airchair, Kirk guiding it carefully into the office.

“Before we discuss your release and restrictions.” McCoy stopped scowling at Kirk. “And I know about your conversation with Nyota. You’re not meeting with her today or tomorrow. I will tell you when—”

The captain slapped a palm to his forehead, sighing dramatically. “Really Bones?  After all these years, we still have to play this game?”

“T’Lyn and I have something to tell you which may change your mind.” He gestured to the Healer.

Kirk shifted, glaring as another grin appeared uncharacteristically on McCoy’s face.

T’Lyn intervened. “Captain, your reaction to being separated from Spock was severe. I was forced to meld with you to try to help. Do you remember this?”

Kirk shook his head, frowning. McCoy leaned forward, not missing the negative reaction from Spock. “You gave her permission to do this, Jim.”

“Okay. What happened?”

“I discovered a presence, a weak link within. We immediately scanned and discovered this.” 

A representation of the scan of Kirk’s body appeared in front of them. Kirk stared at it; his expression puzzled. Spock leaned forward, his hand shifting to brush his fingers against Kirk’s hand.

“What is it? What’s wrong?” Kirk asked, irritation flaring.

McCoy started to speak and stopped. He gestured, “Healer T’Lyn, please explain.”

Spock drew in a sharp breath. “It is a child. A fetus.”

“Yes.” T’Lyn paused. “By our estimation, seventeen-point six week’s gestation.”

Kirk stared at the scan, “I don’t understand. What…how? When?”

Before they could speak, Spock turned slightly, taking Kirk’s hand in his. “Gestation would have occurred on Xindi. The date you were transformed into a younger body.”

Spock asked quietly, “Is this child ours? Our DNA?”

McCoy nodded without speaking, his eyes smiling as they met Kirk’s.

It was T’Lyn who answered. “The fetus is thirty percent Human and seventy percent Vulcan. It is your DNA.

In amazement and disbelief, Jim placed a hand on his abdomen. Spock immediately rested his hand on top of his. Kirk whispered, “Is it viable? Alive? And is it okay? I didn’t hurt it because I didn’t know?”

“Yes. And no, you haven’t done anything that harmed the fetus. Here,” McCoy entered a command and suddenly there was the sound of a rapid heartbeat issuing from the computer.

Both men jumped, Kirk’s delighted grin followed quickly by Spock’s unrestrained smile. T’Lyn stepped forward, instructing, “The placement of your hand should be two centimeters up and one point two centimeters to the left.”

“Here?” Kirk asked eagerly, as Spock shifted their joined hands. “Oh my, it is exactly where I was experiencing a feeling of bloating and some discomfort. I just thought I needed to lose weight!” He moved his other hand to lay on top of Spock’s. “Oh, little one, I’m sorry. I thought you were gas.” He laughed delightedly, turning back to Spock. Questions started to tumble out rapid fire. “Can I carry it safely? Is it a girl? How long will I carry it-her?”

Spock voice was intent. “Can Jim carry this child safely? Is he at risk?”

McCoy grinned, laughing along with Kirk “So the first question is do you wish to continue this gestation?”

Kirk’s eyes opened wide, grasping his bondmate’s hand. They shared a glance, and it was Spock who answered. “Yes. Providing you can clarify questions regarding this pregnancy.”

The door alert sounded, and McCoy held up a hand to the two men. Cancelling the displayed scan, he said, “Come.”

A timid nurse entered, “I have the supplements for Captain Kirk and Commander Spock.”

Both men nodded politely, taking the tall glasses of a bland appearing substance.  As soon as the nurse left, Kirk sighed. “Really, Bones? Couldn’t this wait?”

T’Lyn intervened, her tone more severe than normal. “Commander Spock will be requiring extra nutrition which is specifically formulated for his needs. Captain, your metabolism is working overtime and requires a specially created nutritional shake to support both you and the child. We have been supplementing your needs until now. I am recommending five of these daily for you. Spock, this is also created for your needs and for the next week, will require three per day. Both requirements are dependent on your nutritional intake as well.”

Grimacing, Kirk took a sip. He raised his eyebrows, “Hey not bad for a sickbay special.”

McCoy tried to scowl but the smile on his face was interfering. “All right. Drink up while T’Lyn brings you up to speed.” 

Kirk interrupted. “Can we have the scan back while you are talking? We want to see her and hear her heartbeat.”

T’Lyn complied. 

Spock said, “Jim. We do not know the sex of the fetus at this time. Will you be disappointed if it is a boy?”

“Of course not! I just refuse to call our baby an ‘it’.”

McCoy’s comforting voice continued. “At this time, only T’Lyn and I are aware of your condition. The scans and logs related to this are locked to our voice commands. I may bring our family practice physician in on the case if we feel it is necessary.”

“Thank you for your discretion.”

“We have orders in your record no medications or treatments are to be administered without T’Lyn’s or my prior approval. I have also made T’Lyn your lead physician.”

Kirk’s smile faltered. “You’re not going to be my doctor, Bones?”

McCoy moved to his side, seeing his friend was disturbed by this. He squeezed the slender shoulder.  “I’m here with both of you all the way, Jim. But I want T’Lyn to make the final decisions regarding your baby.”

Gripping Spock’s hand tightly again, Kirk was surprised when he felt unexpected tears brimming.

Spock nodded; his voice hoarse. “T’Lyn, we have the utmost confidence in your skill and care. We will be honored to have you guard our child’s well-being.”

“You honor me.” T’Lyn moved to sit in a chair across from the two men. “To answer your earlier question, from the preliminary information we have gathered, Captain Kirk will be able to safely carry the child to term. We estimate a gestation of forty-four weeks. With your permission, we intend to communicate with the Vulcan Medical Institute to confirm our research.”

Kirk nodded, giving a questioning glance to Spock. The Vulcan drew a breath, “I am certain this will be an added precaution however, we would need to be allowed to contact Star Fleet before updates are sent to them.”

“A wise precaution.” T’Lyn gave a concerned smile. “I wish to explain the events that occurred after you were abducted. Jim, you experienced extreme physical and psychic response. Bondmates should never be separated during gestation. And in the first few months, the reaction to a separation may be what you experienced.”

McCoy leaned against his desk. “I realize now a few weeks ago, Jim, you experienced similar symptoms in your quarters. Less severe. But I believe this was related. We are going to recommend some restrictions in your lifestyle. One is we believe it will be safer to avoid away missions. And you must never separate.”

Kirk frowned. His eyes rested on the scan of the fetus, a smile escaping. “Gotta say it’s a relief to know why I reacted so poorly on the planet. But what exactly does that mean for us? How far can we be apart? Can I be on the bridge and Spock in another area of the ship?”

“I am not certain. We will have to experiment. Before your abduction Spock, I believe neither of you were having difficulty with being in separate departments. We just need you to understand, you must not plan a separation which could affect the development of your child.”

“Got it. And you’re partly right. The week before, both of us were experiencing difficulty.  Usually within thirty minutes, we would be seeking each other out. So, it may have been affecting us some. Spock?”

Frowning, Spock nodded.

“Can you tell us the gender?” Kirk stopped, frowning. “Wait. Spock,” he lifted a hand, extending two fingers to touch his bondmate’s wrist. “I can feel your fatigue. We should let you rest first. Bones?”

McCoy berated himself for not realizing this. Scanner in hand, he lifted it toward the Vulcan.

Spock stopped his motion, his voice gentle as he reassured his bondmate. “I am growing fatigued. However, I will rest easier if we can complete this information.”

McCoy growled. “We can finish later. Rest. I’m certain you’ll have a number of questions this afternoon. And I will be taking you by airchair or in this one instance have Scotty transport you directly to your quarters.”

When Spock opened his mouth to argue, Kirk lifted a finger to rest against his lips.  “Don’t. You don’t want to take the chance McCoy will force us to remain here.”

McCoy straightened, towering over Spock, crossing his arms. “And I will.”

T’Lyn interceded, “You require rest now. We will delay your physical therapy until we have completed this discussion. It is logical, Commander.”

When Spock indicated he agreed, T’Lyn handed a pad to both men. “To answer your question Captain, here.”

 Kirk gasped. He turned to face Spock, whispering, “It’s a girl!” He leaned forward and Spock tried to wrap his arms around the suddenly trembling human. He was frustrated by his physical limitations restricting his motions. Instead, he rested a hand over Kirk’s.

Tears were brimming in the hazel eyes, both of their hands on his abdomen and Kirk whispered again in awe, “Spock, we’re going to have a baby girl!”

Kirk quietly ordered Scotty to beam McCoy, Spock and him to their quarters over Spock’s protest. “Just this once, K’diwa.”

He could feel the fatigue pulling at Spock as they both guided the Vulcan to their bed. As he lay down, McCoy bent to remove his sickbay footwear. Kirk sat beside him, questioning McCoy anxiously. “He is in pain; can you help him?”

Spock frowned, “It is unnecces—” His eyes slid closed.

Kirk grasped his hand. “Is he all right?”

The doctor finished his scan, nodding. “He is exhausted. I’ve given a muscle relaxant for now. I’ll bring lunch and then we’ll continue if Spock is rested.” He turned to face the captain. “How are you, Jim?”

He looked up with a tremulous grin. “Confused? Excited? Worried? What should I be feeling?” His hand drifted across his abdomen tentatively and a glint of tears appeared. Kirk brushed the moisture away impatiently.

McCoy knelt beside him. “You’re doing fine.” He wrapped an arm around Kirk’s shoulders and suddenly was enveloped in a hug. 

“Scared.”

McCoy held on, not surprised when a tear rolled down the still too pale face. The captain fought against the loss of control, finally snapping angrily, “What the hell is wrong with me? Why am I doing this?” He pulled back, gesturing as he wiped his face roughly.

“Everything is fine, Jim. I’ve sent you both a list of symptoms you may experience related to your gestation and the changes in your body. You are not only dealing with a lot physically but also related to hormonal changes.” Smiling, he said, “Give yourself a little time, when you are less tired, your emotions will be in better control. This,” he gestured to a small container he held, “will help with any nausea you may experience. Just let a wafer dissolve on your tongue. I would suggest taking one when you wake up from your rest. In the morning, you should take one first thing and maybe have some hot tea to settle your tummy.”

“Tummy? Really doctor.” His hand drifted back down to rest on Spock’s fingers. When he yawned, McCoy pushed him gently down on the bed beside the Vulcan. “Spock’s fatigue is affecting you. Just sleep. I have a biomonitor on both of you and will know if any of you, including your unexpected passenger, gets into any distress.”

“That’s good, Bones.” Kirk’s words were already slurring with sleep. “What would I do without you, my friend?”

Unable to refrain from a show of affection, McCoy reached down and squeezed Kirk’s hand resting on Spock’s arm. “Same goes for you, Jim. Sleep.”

Spock experienced a surge of frustration as he struggled to perform the simple exercise of swimming laps.  Six days had passed, and he continued to experience debilitating discomfort with mobility.  He was able to walk but not fluidly, the steps were slow and halting.  And now, in the pool, he grew increasingly clumsy, pain flashing in his shoulder, arms and legs with each stroke.

A grunt escaped when he tried to lift his head and breathe in much needed air.  Beside him, Kirk swam slowly, pausing at the sound.

“Let’s take a break.” The captain suggested, his tone worried.

Ignoring him, Spock was determined to finish this lap.  He was planning to complete ten rounds but was only on the sixth one. He managed to complete the lap, but as he started on the next one, pain cramped through his body, not only his shoulders and arms but in his abdomen.

Just as he sank under the water, Kirk caught him and the physical therapist on his other side supported him as well.  They guided him to the steps at the edge, but Spock found his exhaustion interfering, unable to pull himself from the water.

Aware Jim was attempting to lift his weight from the pool, Spock flailed, pulling free of the supporting arms.  He turned to the therapist, “Mr. Martin, give me a moment and then support me.  Do not allow the captain to assist, he may harm himself.”

Chad nodded, not questioning.  Spock heard Kirk draw in a sharp breath before his bondmate exited the pool, trying to hide his flare of anger.  Jim returned, wrapping a towel around the Vulcan’s shoulders and handing him another one to remove the excess water.  An annoyed whisper in his mind, surprised Spock.

//I hope carrying a towel isn’t deemed too much for me! //

Not sure how to answer, Spock settled for sending a wave of reassurance through the link.  The rapid changes in mood and emotion were unsettling.  And even his ability to calm his bondmate sometimes resulted in more anger.

The therapist helped him to his airchair, waiting for Kirk to wrap a robe and then a blanket around Spock. Despite the warmth, Spock was again annoyed by the continuing cold that caused him to chill. 

Maneuvering behind his chair, it was Kirk who guided him down the long corridors back to their quarters. At the door, he sent the therapist away, snapping uncharacteristically, “I can take care of Spock from here, Chad.”

Again, Chad Martin nodded complacently. He had been a calming presence on board the Enterprise during their first mission and Spock was glad he had rejoined this tour. The therapist had experienced short tempers over the years from many crewmembers including Kirk due to his sometimes negatively perceived role as their therapist.

“Mr. Martin, I appreciate your dedicated endeavors.” Spock said, his voice grating with exhaustion.

Again, he felt the flare of irritation as Kirk pushed his chair through the door, straight to their bed. Spock sighed, “Jim, we should eat. Could we sit in the living area? I will rest there.”

“Dammit Spock! You’re exhausted. Just rest for a while then we will eat.” He removed the robe and blanket, gesturing to the bed. “I will get you your sickbay special to tide you over.”

Spock’s shoulders slumped when Kirk ordered the temperature to increase. He knew his arms were shivering but he was concerned about the room being too hot for Jim. They were battling about this daily, and he decided wisely not to question the change. 

Sitting on the bed, he tried to lift his arms, attempting to hide his pain, he muffled a groan with the motion. Despite his bondmate’s continuing exasperation, Jim’s touch was gentle as he helped Spock into a set of loose sweats. 

Catching a hand that rested momentarily on his shoulder, Spock kissed the palm.  “Jim, bring your shake as well. Let’s talk and then rest together.”

The captain resisted, pulling his hand free. “I have some reports I need to work on. And a meeting at 1600 I have to be prepared for.”

Spock leaned forward, irritation flashing when he could not lift his shaking arms and place them around his bondmate. Instead, he rested his head against Kirk’s abdomen, giving a quick kiss to the slight mound. “I’ve been reviewing names and have tried to consider Tiberius in a female version. Tibertia? Or T’Berius?”

Finally warm arms wrapped around him, Kirk giving a chuckle that was almost a giggle. “You’re insane. We are not calling our daughter any form of Tiberius!”

Glancing up, Spock was relieved to see the tension had left the slender shoulders. Kirk bent down and kissed him. “You’re right. We haven’t had much time to talk these last few days.”

He sat down beside Spock. “I know it is frustrating for this to take so long for you to regain your strength and ability to just walk. I’m sorry I sometimes make it worse. I just worry about you.”

Spock rested his head on top of Kirk’s, brushing a kiss on the unruly curls. He murmured, “As I worry about you.”

Sighing, Kirk pulled free and stood. He repositioned the pillows, encouraging Spock to lean against them. Retrieving the nutritional supplement from their replicator, he handed it to the Vulcan. “Drink this and then rest. I will let you know when I am leaving for the meeting. Afterwards, we can have dinner together.”

Spock nodded. “Did you make a shake for yourself as well? I am concerned you have only taken one so far today.”

Anger flashed across the handsome face. “Not you too, Spock! Bones has been riding me as well. I promise I will take the required nutrition. Just give me time. In the meantime, drink.”

Nodding, Spock obediently took a sip. “Taluhk nash-veh k’dular.”

The anger was still present, but then Spock saw a glint of tears brimming.

Kirk turned away. His tone was bitter. “Ashayam.”

Nausea churned in his stomach and Kirk rose swiftly. He was relieved when Spock didn’t awaken. His bondmate had been fatigued earlier and needed his rest. His anxiety increased thinking about Spock’s slow recovery. He felt he was responsible for some of his delays. He couldn’t seem to keep from allowing his frustration with himself in his interactions with his bondmate. 

Kirk made it to the fresher before losing the contents of his stomach. There wasn’t much left to come up, but he couldn’t seem to stop. Just when he thought he was done, he would gag again.  He forced himself to move to the sink, rinsing his mouth, holding onto the counter with shaking arms.

Finally, Kirk wrapped his arms about his abdomen. “I’m sorry little one. I’m sure this is no fun for you either.” 

His thoughts were circling rapidly, he found it difficult to think clearly. He continued to experience a constant headache that was escalating to throbbing. Images appeared in the last few hours, his sharpness with Uhura, his snapping at the physical therapist, biting McCoy’s head off. He fought back tears at his awful impatience with Spock and though his bondmate would never complain, he knew his almost constant disrespect was decreasing Spock’s ability to improve. 

He pressed his palms against his eyes, forcing down the welling tears with savage control. He was a damn Captain; he was not going to submit to crying just because he felt bad. 

The room swirled dizzily around him. He fought back a moan, determined not to disturb his bondmate’s much needed sleep. He managed to tighten his shields, but the effort left him shaking, suddenly falling hard to his knees. 

“This is so hard. I don’t know how to do this for six more months.”  Curling on his side, he pressed his hand against his abdomen. “I’ll do anything for you. Just hang in there, I’ll get my act together. Can’t fail you.” 

Another wave of nausea roiled through him, and he managed to pull a towel from a rack, holding it to his mouth. Jim fought back another sob when he gagged again repeatedly. His heart was racing, hyperventilating but he was unable to stop the vicious cycle. “Can’t…just can’t”

Spock set up abruptly, his heart pounding. It was the middle of the night. Jim was no longer beside him in bed. This continuing fatigue had forced him into a deep sleep. Spock was frustrated that he had not been alerted to his bondmate getting up. Waves of distress were forcing its way through the bond, yet he could feel Jim’s efforts to barrier.

He stood and had to steady himself against the wall. Spock headed for the fresher. The door was locked. He called, “Jim. What is wrong?”

 There was no answer and his unease forced him to use the override code. 

On the floor, Kirk was curled on his side. As Spock approached, he buried his head in his arms. Spock saw a glimpse of tears just as he covered his eyes. There was a towel on the floor beside him, streaked with gastric contents.

“I’m okay, Spock.” His voice was thready. “Don’t--I’ll come back to bed in a few minutes.”

Kneeling, Spock placed a hand on his temple gently only to have Kirk jerk back from his touch.

 “No. Just go!” Kirk snapped. “Don’t. Go! I’m fine.” Still trying to pull away from Spock, his voice broke. “G-give me a few minutes. I’ll be okay.”

Sitting beside him, Spock pulled the resisting form into his arms. Not speaking, he simply held his bondmate even though Kirk did not relax as he normally did. 

When he made a move to touch Jim’s temple, Kirk pulled away with a cry. “No. You shouldn’t experience…I’m failing in so many—can’t--”

Spock pulled him back into his arms. “Shh, K’diwa.” He rubbed gentle circles over his back, trying to send reassurance through their link.

Which backfired. Kirk tensed suddenly. “Stop it. I don’t deserve your love right now. Stay out of my mind!”

Spock had to work to keep the shock from his thoughts, forcing himself to close the link off momentarily. Kirk relaxed for a few seconds and then a tear escaped down his cheek. “What am I doing? What is wrong with me? Our baby needs the link.” A hand drew down to rest on his abdomen. “She needs it.”

Spock placed his hand over Jim’s fingers. “She will be fine for now. Talk to me. Can you tell me why you are upset?”

Kirk shook his head finally burying it in Spock’s chest. “Just can’t.” A shaking hand crept around Spock’s back. “Failing.”

Continuing to massage his back, he resisted the impulse to rest his hand on Kirk’s head. His hair was sweaty and matted. Spock frowned. He said quietly, “I’m here, Ashaya. If you feel you are failing, then I am failing you. How can I help?”

Kirk shook his head, sniffling. “You don’t know. Everything’s wrong. I feel bad all the time.” There was a choked sound. “So overwhelmingly tired. All the time. And these damn emotions!” Jim lifted a hand to wipe his eyes angrily.

“Jim, you are dealing with a lot of stress and right now your body, this pregnancy has you feeling very off balance. Please allow me to help.”

The captain suddenly pulled away from him, groaning with the motion. “You’ve already done too much. You need to get better and all I’ve done is be hateful to you. Just go back to bed, I’ll be there in a few minutes. Just got to figure this out.”

As it had been in the last few days, everything Spock said only seemed to annoy Jim more. Spock buried his frustration at not being able to reach out to his bondmate through their link. He reached for Jim again, shifting to continue the tactile sensation, one hand rubbing the back and the other gripping the hand on Kirk’s abdomen for physical reassurance. He rested his head on top of Kirk’s. “I believe it is natural for expectant parents to be anxious even fearful. Myself included.”

The hand turned over to grasp his tightly. “You are?” He lifted his head to stare at Spock and then looked back down. “I don’t know how to do this.” Muffling a sound deep in his throat, his voice trembled. “Oh, my ghod. I didn’t just say that!” Kirk whispered, almost as if talking to himself. “I’m just so tired despite the extra rest I’m getting.” He paused, a shiver running through him. “I keep snapping at everyone. Even poor Nyota at the meeting yesterday. She ended the meeting early, made up some excuse but I know it was my fault.” He breathed unsteadily, a hand going up to wipe at the new tears streaming down his cheeks. “And you need my support to get better, but I’ve been so awful.” He held a fist to his mouth, attempting to muffle another groan, whispering brokenly, “I’m terrified I’m going to harm our baby.”

“Shh, Ashayam.” He tried to draw Jim back into his embrace.

But Kirk pushed him away, groaning and grabbed for the towel next to him.  He retched repeatedly but only a few milliliters actually came up. Spock rose, annoyed with his continued awkwardness, retrieved a wet cloth and gently wiped the pale face.

As he stood over Kirk, Spock debated his next actions. Decision made, he gathered his bondmate into his arms, lifting him, ignoring the strain and popping of joints the motion caused. 

“Ashayam! You’ll hurt yourself! Put me down.”

He was pleased he traversed the distance from the bathroom to the bed without stumbling. Placing Jim gently in the bed, he curled around him on his side, pulling a warm comforter over them both.

Still shivering, Kirk murmured, “Feels good. Are you all right? Bones is going to kill me.”

When Jim drew his knees up, Spock knew he was still feeling nauseated.  He reached across, retrieving both the nausea wafers and an emesis bag at the bedside.  He coaxed Jim to take the wafer and began a slow massage of his temples. After several minutes, Kirk began to relax. He asked quietly, “Better?”

Kirk nodded. But then tensed again as Spock rested a hand on his slightly distended abdomen. “Are you in pain?”

He shook his head, giving a disgusted laugh. “It’s stupid. I know to expect it, but I’m having trouble fitting into my uniform. Just wasn’t prepared for it yet.” He tensed again, “I’m so pitiful. I’m not ready to be fat! Can you believe it? And my boots are uncomfortable as well—T’Lyn told me to expect mild swelling in my feet and legs.”

Spock kissed the back of his neck, pressing his hand lightly against the baby bump. “You are so beautiful. I am anxiously awaiting to see your form change to accommodate our baby. This will not be easy, and I want to help any way I can. I have already contacted our quartermaster and discussed the need for a uniform to fit you during these coming months. I am satisfied he will be discreet. There is a set waiting in your closet. I am afraid I did not consider your footwear but will correct this in the morning.”

Kirk turned on his back, reaching up to caress Spock’s temple. He drew a hand to his lips, kissing the fingers lightly. “How can you be so kind when I have literally treated you like a lowly sandworm these last few days?” He shook his head, “Don’t answer that.” He sighed and then nodded to himself. Guiding Spock’s fingers to his own temple, he said, “Open our link, Ashaya. I’m afraid you’ll find a confusing mess of feelings.”

Despite the warning, Spock had to work to hide his shock at the chaotic mixture of feelings warring for Jim’s attention. He was so used to the human’s calm acceptance of his presence, usually joy and laughter met him. Instead, Jim fought briefly at the intrusion. Spock could see Jim was battling frustration and shame at his inability to maintain a sense of calm and leadership. His sense of command was constantly a factor in his thoughts, He rode the kaleidoscope of feelings, not attempting to create order simply providing support and love. Even here he felt Kirk’s continued battle to keep from losing control, tears slipping through the cracks. 

Spock pressed his exhausted mate to his chest, running his hand gently over the hair. “Shhh,” he repeated. “Rest Ashayam.” He sent a thrum of love through their link. He kissed the dark hair, fighting back his own emotional response to Jim’s struggle. 

Sensing Jim was drifting into sleep, he was surprised when Kirk whispered, “The answer to your question is yes.”

At first, Spock was confused but then realized he had been unable to block his desire to have Jim see Dr. McCoy in the morning. He sent a mental smile through the link, dropping another kiss on his beloved’s head. And this time he did not mind the tear that he allowed to fall down his own cheek. 

Chapter Text

McCoy breathed a sigh of relief when Kirk arrived, pushing Spock in his chair. He pushed down his worry, wordlessly guiding them into a private exam room. The captain was subdued, but he gave a smile as he assisted Spock to the bed. He said quietly, “Spock may have hurt himself, trying to help me from the bathroom to the bed.”

“Why did he—” The doctor stopped himself. He turned to the nurse beside him, “Let Dr. T’Lyn know the captain is here.” McCoy ran his scanner over Spock, instantly identifying signs of strain in the back and his leg muscles. Swiftly administering a muscle relaxant, he requested Spock’s therapist to assist with heat therapy. “Spock, I’m going to have Chad give you a therapeutic massage.”

Before he could turn to Kirk, Spock touched his arm. “I am concerned about Jim.”

McCoy patted his arm, joining T’Lyn who already had Jim on the biobed and was studying scans of the baby.  “How’s our little girl?”

He realized Spock nor Kirk had asked, the tension in their bodies indicating they were both worried.

She allowed a smile, meeting first Kirk’s then Spock’s anxious eyes. “See for yourself.” She flashed the scan up, the heartbeat fast and reassuring. 

Spock raised up on an elbow, his eyes riveted on the screen. “She has grown.”

T’Lyn nodded.  “Yes, length is eleven centimeters, approximately one hundred ninety grams.”

Kirk smiled but remained silent. McCoy rested a hand on his shoulder. “You all right, Jim?”

He nodded, “Fine, Bones.”

McCoy squeezed his shoulder before turning back to the scans. He reviewed them and the labs. Attaching an IV port to Kirk for hydration, he prepared to give a blood component to the supplement. He explained quietly as he worked, his concern growing as Kirk nodded without his usual verbal protests.

Watching T’Lyn working in tandem with the therapist on Spock, McCoy caught her eye. She gave a nod, indicating she understood. 

“Jim, they are going to torture Spock for a while longer. Let’s go to my office and wait.”

Kirk frowned but agreed when Spock encouraged him.

Rather than forcing another nutritional shake on Kirk, since he currently had IV fluids infusing, McCoy made a cup of tea which the captain accepted gratefully. 

“Jim, how about you tell me what’s going on? What has you worked up into knots?”

“I’m fine. As long as our baby is okay, I’m just worried about her.”

“You should know I very nearly broke into your quarters last night.”

“What? Why?”

“Remember when I told you I have you all three on the monitors? Yours was going crazy and the only reason I didn’t invade your space is your little passenger seemed calm through it all. She’s doing good.”

“Thank the gods.” Kirk took another small sip of tea before placing the cup on the doctor’s desk.

McCoy forced himself to remain patient, reading the private struggle his friend was having to remain in control despite the difficulties he was experiencing.

Finally, he said quietly, “Jim, you know you don’t have to be the macho guy in this room.  We have both shared our tears here over the years.  If I could, I would offer you a drink.”

Kirk grimaced. “Doubt I could keep it down.”

McCoy nodded, “I wondered if that was part of the reason you haven’t managed to stay on schedule with the supplements. My gizmo tells me you’ve thrown up recently. It would help if you would tell me these things.”

“It’s just…I keep getting overwhelmed.”

“You do realize you’re exhausted?”

“But why, Bones? I’m getting well over eight hours of sleep a day.”

“That’s something T’Lyn plans to talk with you both about. It has to do with Spock’s fatigue and also with your link.”

Kirk grunted, glancing away. He gave a heavy sigh. “I didn’t expect to feel like this.”

“Like how?”

“So—” He gestured with his hands. “So emotional. I’m excited but almost immediately either angry and short tempered or worried and--”

“Terrified?”

Kirk glanced at him in surprise. “How did you know?”

McCoy’s mouth quirked. “Well, I do read you know, and have researched this. But truthfully, I remember Jocelyn and I experiencing a multitude of wild emotions in the first few months. Like being frightened most of the time we were going to screw our baby up.”

Kirk hunched over; his hands clenched tightly together. “Sometimes, I feel like I’m going crazy. And poor Spock. I try to keep from letting him know so he can concentrate on getting better. But then I end up biting his head off.”

“You know he loves you? And he’s pretty big boy and can handle your temper. Certainly, has in the past.”

“Yeah, but neither of us have had to deal with this…constant emotional chaos.”

McCoy reached over, resting a hand on the folded hands still clenched on Kirk’s knees. “I notice you are wearing a loose tunic. How does that feel?”

“Like hell, Bones.  I expected to be excited about getting bigger and instead I feel ashamed.”

“Yeap! Remember that for sure. Had to ask my sister why in the world Jocelyn was angry about outgrowing her clothes when she was so excited about having a baby. My sister just smiled and said it’s normal.”

Kirk shifted, untangling one of his hands to grasp McCoy’s. “Normal.” He whispered.

McCoy squeezed his hand. “Okay. I’m going to let you check on Spock and then T’Lyn and I are going to talk with both of you and strategize a plan to help you both through these next few weeks. You do realize this is the roughest part of a Vulcan pregnancy?”

Kirk shook his head. “Guess I missed that part of the lecture.”

“Well, this is a learn as you go activity. We’re all going to make mistakes, I think. And the first lesson you must commit to is to talk with your bondmate about your feelings. Don’t be afraid of putting too much on his shoulders. Spock can handle it. What he can’t handle is you taking all the stress on yourself in a misguided attempt to protect him. Does this make sense?”

“I guess.”

“Not a resounding endorsement for our plan. I want you to commit to discussing what you are feeling each evening with Spock. And have him talk about his feelings. You might think he has it all together, but I’m willing to bet he is frightened for you and of being a father.”

Kirk’s lips quirked into a near smile. “Yeah. Can’t quite imagine me as a daddy either.”

“You will do fine. You’re already doing fine, trying to ensure your baby is doing well. I’m willing to bet if it hadn’t been for your concern for her, you would not have come to see me at all this morning.”

Kirk looked down, and for the first time, a glimmer of tears appeared on the long lashes. “It was hard.”

“So quit beating yourself up, you did it. And remind yourself of this when you worry about being a good dad.”

When a tear escaped, he leaned forward, pulling his friend into a hug. Kirk buried his face in his shoulder, breathing heavily. “This is harder than I expected.”

McCoy nodded. “We’re going to make it easier. Let’s go talk to Spock and T’Lyn.” 

The healer stepped back from Spock’s side on the biobed as Kirk approached. She was relieved to feel the captain’s aura had improved from the troubled feelings earlier. Spock sat up on the side of the bed, the captain automatically reaching out to steady the Vulcan. 

Spock said too quietly for anyone else to hear but T’Lyn. Vulcan ears had no problem picking the words up. “I have been contemplating other names perhaps starting with J and T. Would you consider Jezebel Titan?”

Confused, she watched as Kirk gave Spock an exasperated glare. Then he suddenly roared with laughter. “That’s it. The next thing we’re doing is researching names together. We’re not having a ‘Jezebel’!”

She followed the two men, wondering if Spock’s goal had been to relax Kirk. The human continued to chuckle as they headed to McCoy’s office. She stopped them, guiding them to join McCoy in their consultation room.

Kirk glanced around in appreciation. “This is nice. Bones? Did you decorate this?”

“Hah! Didn’t think I had it in me? And you’d be right. Our Counselor and nurse Candi got together and chose the décor. It is pleasing, don’t you think?”

T’Lyn glanced around curiously, the decor was both dramatic, with soothing hues of red, the walls containing acoustical cushions. Artwork both on the walls and on a bookshelf, provided interesting details. The room was large enough for two couches and several chairs. A desk rested in the corner; a section hidden which contained a computer. She lifted an eyebrow, meeting Spock’s curiously, wondering if he considered this pleasing as well.

After they were seated, McCoy gestured to T’Lyn. “You have the floor, Doctor.”

She studied both men, again noting a slight relaxation in both. However, they continued to exhibit fatigue. Trying to choose her words carefully, she explained, “Gentlemen, we have been carefully reviewing scans and information gathered in the last week. We have concluded we may be able to facilitate an improvement in your coping with both your symptoms, specifically your continued fatigue.”

“Explain.”

“Your fatigue and the captain’s symptoms have a high correlation to the times you have been separated on board the ship.

Kirk frowned. “I thought you said one of us couldn’t leave the ship. Are you telling me we can’t even go to different decks? How am I supposed to run the Enterprise?”

“When we discussed this before, there were no facts to support what I am proposing now. I believe the link between your daughter and both of you requires close contact. At this time, you must remain within close proximity to each other. This may improve with time.” She forced herself to pause, eyeing McCoy briefly. She was aware explaining to humans was different than it would be for Vulcans. 

McCoy smiled, nodding. “We also discovered a connection when Jim is completing paperwork in your office. You were in close proximity; however, your focus was pulling you away from your bondmate. This has resulted in an exponential increase in your fatigue and inability to concentrate Spock.”

T’Lyn saw McCoy’s grimace and knew he was sensing Kirk’s increasing anxiety.  The captain shook his head, “It sounds like you’re telling me Spock and I have to be holding hands all day and singing kumbaya together?”

McCoy couldn’t keep from laughing. When Kirk saw both T’Lyn’s and Spock’s puzzled expression, he gave a short laugh. The doctor said quietly, “Not quite, Jim.  Let Healer T’Lyn finish explaining.”

“Captain this has also resulted in an increase in your own symptoms of fatigue, nausea and emotional disturbance. This feedback loop will worsen if steps are not taken to intervene. I can provide the schedule and scans to clarify these occurrences.”

Kirk was frowning. He looked up at Spock in almost horror. “I’ve been causing your delay in improving by leaving you and working?”

Spock lifted two fingers, waiting until the human joined his own to rest on Spock’s. The immediate relief in Kirk’s face again proved to T’Lyn their rapport was strong. “We are here to learn how to avoid this problem in the future.”

Kirk nodded slowly. He brought his gaze up to look at T’Lyn and then McCoy. “Will it help if I have Commander Uhura become acting Captain and I step down? I will do whatever is necessary to ensure both Spock’s and our baby’s health.”

T’Lyn was impressed Kirk seemed to intuit the cause and rather than question their conclusions, leap immediately to a radical solution. She allowed a smile, meeting McCoy’s relieved eyes. “Yes. It should only be short term, approximately ten to fourteen days. Once you are both more rested, your symptoms will resolve rapidly. I am pleased you are ahead of me on this thought.”

Kirk grinned, his eyes twinkling for a moment. “Didn’t think I had it in me?” He waved his hand to keep her from responding. “Explain to us about this separation. How long will it be affecting us?”

Spock added, “You spoke of correlation of symptoms. I am interested in reviewing this information.”

McCoy nodded.  “I’ll send it after we finish. But I want you to think about, let’s say, when Jim was at his meeting with senior staff yesterday.  He was four decks away. What did you experience Spock?”

Spock frowned, shaking his head. “Nothing of note.”

T’Lyn spoke quietly, “Increase in joint pain, fatigue, cold?”

“I do not believe the symptoms were different from the rest of the time.”

Kirk leaned forward. “I did. I begin to feel cold deep inside. And then nauseated and deeply tired. And when I returned, you were shaking Spock. I wrapped you in two blankets and you were still cold.” He reached out to rest a hand on Spock’s arm. 

T’Lyn had noted both men were completely professional on board the Enterprise.  If she wasn’t aware of their relationship before boarding, there would not have been overt signs. She waited until Spock looked at Kirk, his eyes deeply troubled.

The captain removed his hand, turning back to their doctors. “Okay. Hit us with your recommendations.”

“Hit you?”

McCoy shook his head. “He means outline the plans to remedy their difficulties. As you already suggested, I would like to recommend Commander Uhura take over immediately as acting Captain. And it would be best if you were to update her and Captain Scott of your situation. They can respond better if they understand what is going on.”

Kirk smiled uncertainly. “It won’t be long before this becomes impossible to hide. Agreed. We can meet this afternoon. Bones, would you join the party?”

“Yes sir. After this, you both will take the next two days and do nothing for the ship. No therapy, absolutely no projects or paperwork.”

“Are you insane? We’ll be bored out of our minds!”

T’Lyn interjected, “You will be maintaining your meld on a deep level much of that time. You will require no interruptions except to eat and rest. You also will require ten hours of sleep.”

“Then after we see you in sickbay, if your symptoms have reduced, we will allow a resumption of limited activities. At this time, you will begin to explore separating distances and carefully assess your responses. Then we can create a plan for when you resume active duty.”

Kirk pursed his lip, eyeing both McCoy and T’Lyn with a speculative stare. He drew a hand over his abdomen. “Little girl, you are certainly creating a lot of complications.” He glanced down and then back up with a mischievous grin. “But you are worth it.”

Uhura entered Kirk’s office with trepidation. Scott and Spock were already seated at the large conference table. She greeted them formally and was relieved when Captain Kirk and Dr. McCoy entered, smiling. Strangely, the captain looked slightly nervous. And tired. She noted the dark shadows under his eyes she had seen yesterday. It was why she cut the meeting short, he had obviously been exhausted.

“Thank you for coming so promptly. Spock and I have an announcement to make but first, Nyota I wanted to apologize for yesterday.”

She shook her head, “There isn’t—”

Kirk touched her arm on the table. He was still smiling. “There is. And I’m sorry.” He turned to Spock and the Vulcan gave a short nod. “Right. Well, we are going to have to make some changes in command involving both of you.” Catching the alarmed look on Uhura’s face, he gave a soft laugh.  “Don’t worry. It’s a good thing.”

In the silence, McCoy snapped, “Good god man. Just say it. Now you have them worried you are transferring them or you’re transferring.”

Uhura was surprised when Kirk blushed. He gave another glance to Spock. The commander leaned forward, surprisingly placing a hand on Kirk’s arm. “Jim is attempting to explain an unexpected event which occurred weeks ago but was only recently discovered. Jim is gestating. He is carrying our child.”

Uhura considered her ability exceptional to accept challenging situations. But this was so unexpected she was actually relieved when Scott blurted out. “What did ye say? I don’t think I heard right.”

McCoy laughed. “Your hearing is fine. Jim is four and one-half months pregnant.”

She studied the three men across from her. “Congratulations!” She turned to the captain, “You told me you were going to try when you offered this position to me. I just didn’t know you had progressed to this point.”

Kirk looked down, a tiny smile gracing his lips. “We didn’t. We believe it happened on planet Xindi.”

Scott broke into a grin, letting out a laugh. “When they gave you the gift of youth, they also left a surprise present! Enterprise always presents us with interesting challenges. Do you know the gender? And when will we be welcoming the little one aboard?”

Uhura could see the relief on Kirk’s face at Scott’s acceptance. She glanced at Spock and thought he appeared to relax as well, his gaze seeking out Kirk’s eyes. And the softening of his expression nearly brought tears to her eyes. When she lifted a hand to dab at the corner of her eye, the captain laughed. “Don’t do that, or I’ll be joining you!”

And then suddenly, tears brimmed in the hazel eyes. She was relieved to see Spock immediately grasp his hand. Kirk took a couple of deep breaths. “And this is a good example of why we will need to make some changes to our command structure.” His voice trembled and he nodded to McCoy. “Please explain.”

“Both Spock and Jim are struggling with the symptoms and ensuring their link is closely maintained. Vulcan children require a close link to both parents in the first few months of gestation. Jim and Spock have offered to step down temporarily to ensure the safety of their child. T’Lyn believes it will only take one to two weeks.”

“Captain Scott will take over?” Uhura asked. They had worked closely enough together she anticipated no problems.

Kirk ran his hand through his hair. A gesture she only saw when he wasn’t sure how his words would affect someone. She purposely kept a frown from her face.

“Scotty, you have repeatedly said you do not want to command. Is this still your desire to remain Captain in Engineering?”

“Aye,” Scott answered quickly. “However, I will do whatever you need. He paused, “I was thinking though that the lass would do a fine job in the role as captain.”

Kirk sent him a relieved grin. “Bless you, Scotty. Commander Uhura, would you consider being temporary captain of our ship?”

She stared at them all in shock. “I am genuinely at a loss for words, gentlemen. Monty, are you sure?”

Dropping his hand over Uhura’s, Scott nodded. “You’ll be perfect!”

McCoy said quietly, “We can work out details this evening. One of the difficulties both the Captain and Commander have been experiencing is fatigue. I believe it is time to cut this short.”

She watched Kirk draw a sharp breath, snapping “Bones—” Spock’s grip on his hand stopped the captain mid-word. He sent a searching look at Spock and then nodded. 

McCoy continued, “As of now, once you get the details of command structure completed, both Jim and Spock are on medical leave and will not be involved with any ship’s business.”

Spock’s deep voice stopped the doctor. “Starfleet is not yet aware of our parental status. We currently have only informed you, Dr. McCoy and T’Lyn. We request at this time this be kept confidential.”

“Of course, Captain.”

“Aye, you needn’t ask. I must point out, this may not be secret for long.” He glanced briefly toward Kirk's abdomen.

Kirk blushed a bright red, turning his face away as he nodded.

“And I already have ideas about remodeling your quarters.  I’ll work on the schematics for your approval.”

Both Kirk and Spock looked confused. It told Uhura more than anything else their level of exhaustion and how they were currently not operating on all thrusters as Scotty would say. She sent Scott a fond look. “Always ready to create a miracle.”  She looked at the two men across from her who were still puzzled. “For the baby.  Remodeling for the baby.”

Tears brimmed in the hazel eyes again, but he was smiling. He put a hand on his abdomen. “For our little girl.”

“Uhmm, Bones? When are you and T’Lyn going to do something about this thing between you?” Kirk lounged in the doorway to his office.

McCoy’s head whipped around, his eyes pinning Kirk. “What the hell are you talking about?”

The captain grinned, edging his way to a chair across from McCoy’s desk. “You and T’Lyn. Even Spock says there’s something between you.”

“You’re lying. There is nothing going on. Sit down, we’re here to discuss you and Spock not your demented hallucinations about my staff and me.”

Kirk laughed, “T’Lyn has already checked me over.” He rested a hand on his raised abdomen. “Says we’re progressing well. I asked about returning to work and she sent me to you!”

McCoy eyed the swollen abdomen. “You’ve grown even in the last two weeks; I don’t think you’ll be able to hide this much longer from the general crew.

It was interesting watching the quick blush on the youthful face. Kirk said confidently, “Don’t want to, Bones. We talked to Command last night. You can send your reports to Vulcan and Starfleet Medical. And we’re waiting for a call back from Spock’s parents. And my mom. We plan to inform the bridge crew today and I was hoping you would join us.”

At McCoy’s self-satisfied expression, Kirk laughed. He rested a hand on McCoy’s arm. “Spock and I have decided you just might know stuff! The interventions you implemented have made an enormous difference.” He glanced away before adding quietly, “I think I was experiencing a breakdown the night before we both came into sickbay two weeks ago.”

The doctor said gently, “You were exhausted and trying to maintain command while coping with a rebellious pregnancy.” He met the hazel eyes, “You look one hundred percent better. How are things between you and Spock?”

Kirk grinned.  “They’re great. So great, that I was ordered to procure your permission to have mutual intimacy between us.” He paused, “I mean between Spock and me!”

McCoy huffed. “Well, I sure as hell wasn’t going to give permission for you to be intimate with me.” He nodded. “Just take it easy, be sensible.”

Kirk grinned. “Great! I tried to get Spock to ask T’Lyn but he was strangely reluctant. Actually, the truth is, Spock didn’t ask me to get your permission for this. He wants to know if we can start taking short shifts. We would stay together. He has a couple of computer lab projects and I have some projects I wanted to work on in my office. And we both want to get together with the kids on board. I’ve missed them. At this time, Uhura would remain acting captain.” He settled back in his chair. “What do you think?”

“Send me a list of your schedule and activities. If T’Lyn approves it should work.”

 “I never realized just how much simple paperwork drains a person. I considered asking to do some of it for Nyota but then realized it is good for her to learn a system for dealing with it all.”

“It has been a wonderful opportunity for her to develop her skills while having your guidance. We’ve had frequent conversations. She’s doing good.”

Kirk nodded. “Good crew.” He looked down quickly. Blinking a couple of times, he shook his head. “Damn, haven’t had a breakdown in a couple of days.”

“You always get sentimental when talking about your crew. Nothing new there.”

“Except for the damn tears.” Kirk was laughing. “Gotta go. I’ve only had two of your specials today. Spock will be on my case if I don’t show up for the third one.”

“About that. T’Lyn and I have been reviewing your nutritional intake. You seem to have acquired a sudden fondness for Vulcan vegetables and their ‘weed’ version of salad.”

“Yeah. Oddly I’ve been craving the stuff. There’s a flower called Favinit that is delicious, you should try it. Spock is growing fresh ones in the arboretum. I can’t wait.”

McCoy blinked, scowling. “Who are you and what have you done with my sweet tooth loving captain?

“Hey, I’ll still go on a midnight run with you for cheesecake! Now what about my nutritional intake?”

“We agreed you can reduce the shakes to four glasses a day. And if things keep going like they are, maybe three.”

Suddenly McCoy was embraced in an enthusiastic hug. “You just made my day. I don’t have to drink all those shakes; I can go back to work and can have sex!”

He squeezed Jim briefly before pushing him away. ‘You’re insane. Get out of my office and go find Spock. “

“Will do.” He turned for the door pausing as T’Lyn appeared in the doorway. Waggling his eyebrows at McCoy, he said meaningfully, “Don’t forget what I said.”

She stepped inside, letting the door close behind Kirk. “He appears happy and well rested. His physical was excellent. What did he mean?”

McCoy tried to look innocent, shrugging his shoulders. “How’s Spock?”

“Doing well. Per Lieutenant Martin he will only require five more days of therapy.”

He let his eyes drift over T’Lyn’s slender form. Jim wasn’t wrong in declaring their relationship was growing. He was quite fond of her. “I believe Jim was trying to tell me, you and I make a good team.”

She paused, meeting his eyes. Her lips lifting in the almost smile similar to Spock’s. “I believe we do, Leonard.” 

The Starbase was on the outskirts of Federation space, located on a planet with inhabitants from both the Federation and non-Federation.

Their meeting with the Commodore had gone well. Kirk pleased she did not seem phased by his youthful looks or his advancing pregnancy. They discussed strategic plans including his rather unorthodox change in command status after the birth of their child. Recommendations included Spock taking on an Ambassadorial role and Kirk maintaining Fleet Commodore status, leaving the captaincy of the Enterprise to Uhura. Commodore Rayne also indicated the plan to update the Enterprise with several family suites while both Spock and Kirk were on maternity leave.

Entering a large garden complex, Kirk took out his communicator to call Spock but stopped when he glimpsed the tall figure near another exit. He leaned against a wall waiting for Spock to move closer before calling out. “Hey Sailor, come here often?” Trying for a come hither look, he gave an alluring smile, pushing back against the wall, which forced his swollen abdomen to push against his dress uniform.

Spock raised his eyebrows, but didn’t pull his eyes away from his form. Always professional, he stood at attention, lifting his hand in the Ta’al. Matching his action, Jim pressed his hand against Spock and found his breath taken away by the unexpected surge of lust.

Puzzled, he ran a hand over his gently rounding stomach. “Seriously? Seeing me like this makes you—” He glanced around for prying eyes and then said, “Aroused?”

Humor danced in the dark eyes, his mouth lifting in an almost smile. “Always.”

Kirk straightened, looking around. “Where’s Bones? I thought he was meeting us here.”

“Though he continues to deny a relationship, the doctor has ‘dumped us’ for an appointment with Healer T’Lyn.”

“I knew it!” Rubbing his stomach lightly, he smiled. “I think she’s hungry. Let’s go find someplace with waffles and peanut butter!”

Kirk burst through the doors of their quarters. “Spock! I’ve been thinking-”

Pulled from his research at his desk in their quarters, Spock quickly joined Jim. He held up a hand to forestall the irrepressible energy his bondmate was exuding. “In nineteen years, I have never known you to not be thinking.

“Ashaya, are you teasing me?” He stomped his foot. “Let me finish.”

Pausing to pull his bondmate into his arms, Spock first kissed and then nuzzled his neck. He stopped the next words by pressing a kiss against his pliable lips. “You were saying?”

“Stop trying-” Jim returned the kiss, his hands going up to caress the silky dark hair. “To distract me. I can’t believe after being married all these years and I still want you as if it was our first time.”

Spock began to guide Kirk to their bedroom, almost easing him down on their bed before Jim stubbornly forced them to halt. “This is important. I am nearly twenty weeks along and we haven’t decided on a name.” He shook his head, his eyes dancing when Spock opened his mouth to argue. “No. Tyberoni is not an option. Along with the other fourteen inappropriate versions of Tiberius you have been torturing me with.”

Pulling Jim back into his arms, he drew in a deep breath enjoying the precious scent of his gestating mate. Kirk reacted quickly drawing back. “Oh no you don’t. Every time you start sniffing me, we end up in bed. I want to discuss this.”

Forcing himself to cooperate, Spock still found himself smiling at the hazel eyes that were both exasperated and laughing at him. “You came from a staff meeting with the communications department. I am confused about you arriving here so determined to talk about names.”

“Boring meeting.” Kirk retrieved a Padd and pulled up a file. Listed were several names and suggestions. They had been researching this but so far had not been serious about finding a name. Spock looked through the names, reacting to an unexpected one. “T’Pau? She allowed you to be killed with full awareness of her actions. And T’Pring?” He growled deep in his chest.

As he took a step away from the desk, Kirk caught his hand. “I was trying to come up with female names for our little girl. I wasn’t planning to name her T’Pau or that bitch.”

Sitting beside Kirk, he leaned into his touch. “I do have a suggestion.”

The captain nodded encouragingly. “Thought you might. And better than what I researched.”

“I was looking at names to honor your brother.”

Kirk burst into giggles. “You mean George, like a Georgina? I don’t think so.”

At the sound of bright laughter, Spock smiled. He gave a chaste kiss on his cheek before continuing. “Sam is an acceptable name for a female on Earth. I discovered a few names, one in particular, Samira. In one culture it means Princess. In another culture, ‘Early morning fragrance’. In the Fabrini archives, Samira is also listed as ‘Precious Treasure’. It is possible to shorten Samira to either Sami or Sam.”

The hazel eyes were staring at him, a slight frown on the youthful face. And then he caught a glimmer of tears. His T’hy’la lifted a hand and caressed the side of his face. “You would do that for me, for Sam?”

Nodding, Spock rested a hand on the raised abdomen. Kirk placed his hand over Spock’s. “I swear she knows you’re here; those butterflies I’ve been experiencing the last few days just went crazy. It is the most incredible feeling.”

Now it was Jim pressing little kisses against his cheek. “I’ve been trying to come up with a version of Amanda for her. How about Samira T’Mandi? I know you explained Vulcans do not name their children after the parents, but I want to honor Amanda.”

Spock felt his chest tighten. “It is more than appropriate. My mother will be pleased. I am awed and slightly speechless.” He allowed them their embrace to tighten, willingly following Jim when he guided them to their bed.

The captain finished his debriefing with Uhura. It was particularly difficult because the landing party she had just led, she had lost a crewman. He doubted his words and support helped ease her pain much.

He headed for the observation room, looking for Lieutenant Chekov. It had been a long day and Kirk had put in a stressful day on the bridge. It was hard for him to stay on the Enterprise and while the landing party was endangered.

Kirk was tired but not in any distress. He massaged his lower back, running his hands over his gently swelling belly. He whispered, “Just a little longer, sweetheart, and we’ll rest.”

With his years of experience, Kirk was certain now rather than tomorrow was a suitable time to talk with Chekov. Locating the Lieutenant in the corner of a quiet observation desk, Kirk hesitantly approached him. “Pavel?”

The Lieutenant jumped to his feet from his position on the deck by the large windows. “Captain!”

“At ease, Pavel.” Kirk dropped to sit on the floor, marveling at the flexibility of his joints. A year ago, he wouldn’t have been able to do this so easily. Although with his abdomen swelling with their growing child within would make it somewhat difficult to get back to his feet. He gestured to the deck waiting for Chekov to resume his previous position before asking, “How are you doing?”

“Fine, sir.”

“It isn’t easy to lose someone under your command. Commander Uhura explained after a review of everyone’s actions, Adams death couldn’t be prevented.”

Chekov nodded. Blinking rapidly, he kept his head down. “Doesn’t seem to help. Adams died. He was so young and was so full of ideas. I would…”

When he didn’t continue, Kirk said quietly, “You would have given anything for it to be you and not him that died.”

“Yes.” His voice broke and he bit back a moan. “I keep going over everything. I don’t want to ever have this happen again.”

“But it will.”

“Then how do you do it? Keep moving forward? I’ve watched you go through many situations where you’ve lost crewmen. My observation is you appropriately review everything and make recommendations. I don’t remember you ever showing doubt when this happens.”

“Is that the way it seemed to you? I had plenty of doubts. Sleepless nights. Struggling with writing the condolence letters, losing my temper especially with Dr. McCoy and Spock.”

“But I remember you were always so professional! I can’t seem to achieve this.”

Placing a hand on Chekov’s shoulder, Kirk smiled. “I wasn’t always. I can remember a few incidents of snapping at crew on the bridge. And are you forgetting our little trip to Gamma Trianguli VI on our first five-year mission? We lost Hendorff, Kaplan, Mallory and nearly Spock. All within a few minutes.” He glanced down, shaking his head. “That was tough and believe me, I felt a lot of guilt. I remember Spock having trouble understanding why I blamed myself.” He squeezed Chekov’s shoulder. “Believe me when I say I have some understanding.”

The Lieutenant tilted his head, frowning. “I had forgotten their names, but I remember this happening. How did you remember?”

“I absolutely will not forget someone I have lost under my command.” Kirk turned to stare out the window. “I am grateful I had the opportunity to get to know Ensign Adams. Thank you for encouraging me to attend a few of your staff meetings. I’m glad I knew him, but it does make it harder.”

There was silence and he turned away when Chekov raised a hand to brush his eyes. “Pavel, even though I knew Adams was good at martial arts and he was advancing well as an officer, I do not know his personal history. Would you mind sharing with me any stories about him, his sense of humor or his background?”

Chekov brightened, a smile in his voice. “Yes! Did you know he was from a large family?”

Kirk shook his head and was pleased when Pavel started talking about his family and then segued into several stories of interactions with him on the ship. He ended with looking up at the captain, his eyes shining with admiration. “But the story he related frequently to me and any new crewmen he met was about you, sir. He talked about how he knocked you out in the gym and was certain he would be in the brig and kicked out of the service within the hour. You could tell how in awe he was at your support of him. His enthusiasm and sincerity managed to raise morale in the lower decks.”

Kirk tried to control the flush of embarrassment he knew was rising on his cheeks. He wrapped his arms around his chest, annoyed when he felt a chill shudder through him immediately followed by a wave of fatigue.

Almost in the same moment, a nearby door slid open, Spock stepping into the room. “I do not intend to interrupt Captain, Lieutenant. However, I do not believe the captain is aware of the time. You have another appointment.”

“I do?” Kirk frowned. He attempted to push to his feet and discovered his legs had grown slightly numb. Gratefully he took his bondmate’s hand appreciating the help to stand. The chill was abating with Spock’s nearness, but he could feel both Spock and his own slight difficulty with being separated. He turned a smile toward Spock and then to Chekov. “Ah, I remember now. Pavel, we’ll talk again. This will take some time to cope with and I do recommend meeting with our counselor. I have found him most enlightening in the last few weeks.” He gestured deprecatingly to his youthful face and body and Chekov gave a laugh. “I think he may help. Either way, remember you have many friends and family here you can talk with.”

Much to his dismay, he discovered he needed Spock’s help in returning to their quarters. Kirk heard Spock request Chekov to notify sickbay and tried to protest. Another wave of exhaustion crashed over him, and he felt his knees giving way.

Spock calmly wrapped his arm around the captain’s waist, practically carrying him without managing to alarm crewmen passing by. But his heart was racing, fear making him want to gather the human in his arms and report to sickbay.

Seeming to sense his alarm, Kirk straightened. His hand brushed against Spock’s fingers. //Ashayam. Just need to rest. I’ll be all right. //

Even though the thought was laden with fatigue, the Vulcan sensed this was true. //Let me take you to sickbay. To be safe. //

He could feel his bondmate’s reassuring smile. //We’ll be all right. We’ll let McCoy check us both out in our quarters. Then we won’t be kept captive! //

They exited the turbolift, Kirk regaining some of his strength requiring less assistance from Spock. By the time they reached the doors, McCoy and T’Lyn were on their heels.

Medi-scanners were running the instant Spock helped Jim to bed. Rapid fire questions followed, “What the hell happened? Why didn’t you come immediately to sickbay?”

Kirk lifted a shaking hand, “Bones. Just make sure she’s okay. I think we both overdid it today.”

Spock caught his hand as it fell. He watched the entrancing eyes slide closed, but not before he caught a glimpse of the twinkle in them. A pulse of love spread through him. Spock reached to caress his cheek and his hand was nearly slapped out of the way.

“Dammit Spock. Stop trying to interfere in our scans. Just hold your horses.”

An eyebrow raised and he now felt amusement from Jim.  “Ow!” Kirk yelped when a hypo was injected in his neck. Spock was relieved when almost immediately, he felt the captain relax.

It was T’Lyn who straightened reporting quietly. “Your baby is fine. No distress. Captain Kirk is dehydrated and severely fatigued. We will provide rehydration. Captain Spock, please review with me the events of the day and how long you were separated. This reaction is indeed a result of ‘overdoing it’. I understand now when McCoy attempted to explain Captain Kirk’s inability to obey medical restrictions.”

He heard a grumble under Kirk’s breath from McCoy before Jim’s annoyance bled through their link at T’Lyn’s statement. Since the scans were complete, Spock ignored them both while he took Kirk’s hand, sending his reassurance and his own slight amusement.

Ignoring the disgruntlement sent his way, Spock knew the fatigue along with the hypo was pulling Jim into sleep. Now that he knew he was not in danger, he calmly responded to T’Lyn’s questions and to McCoy’s harassment.

The CMO stood, stating, “I’m moving him to sickbay. I want to monitor him closely through the night.”

Spock was relieved his bondmate had finally slipped into a deeper sleep and did not react. Moving away from his bedside, he studied McCoy before turning to the Healer. “I believe T’Lyn indicated he would be safe here with remote monitors in sickbay.”

The doctor said heatedly, “And I disagree. I want him in sickbay where both Jim and your little girl are safe.”

Spock quelled his frown. He could feel Jim was improving and feeling relaxed. He was concerned relocating him to sickbay would cause a negative reaction. He said quietly, “I am in agreement with T’Lyn. And per your directive in the beginning, she oversees Captain Kirk’s care.”

The human opened his mouth to argue, his light blue eyes snapping with anger. Then he shook his head and turned away without responding. Ignoring both Vulcans, he gathered up his supplies. His lack of verbal retort telling Spock just how upset he was. Glancing at T’Lyn, Spock tilted his head toward Kirk for the healer to stay with him.

Following McCoy to their living area, he stopped him before the door to the corridor slid open. Resting his hand on McCoy’s forearm, Spock frowned when the doctor jerked away from his touch.

“Doctor.” Spock paused and began again. “Leonard. I did not intend to upset you. I can feel through the bond he’s physically relaxing. As usual your beads and rattles have been effective. I thank you for your expert assistance.”

McCoy managed a nod despite the grimace twisting his expression. He attempted to pull away again, but Spock did not release him. “What has you so concerned? I do not believe it is ego creating this conflict with both T’Lyn and me.”

The rigid standoff continued for several seconds but the doctor remained where he was. Spock was relieved when he heard a deep breath and unexpectedly the human’s fingers rested on his hand. An influx of feelings rushed through Spock.

“I feel your concern but also your fear. What is it you fear?”

McCoy gave a short laugh. “We’re going to have to do something about this link residue between us.” Glancing anxiously back to their bedroom, he shrugged his shoulders. “I’m just afraid. There is so much that could go wrong quickly. I just want to be close by to fix it if possible. I-I don’t know if I could cope with losing either the baby or Jim.”

Turning his own hand over to grasp the slender surgeon’s fingers in his, Spock nodded his head. “Yes. I will admit I live in a heightened state of hypervigilance as well. Perhaps we could compromise. Jim says the couch here in our living area is comfortable for sleeping. Would you consider remaining through tonight and monitoring him from here?”

There was a disbelieving smile and then McCoy’s mouth twisted with his old feisty spirit. “None of your hanky-panky stuff while I’m here though. I don’t want to hear it.”

Spock drew an aggrieved breath indicating he understood. “No hanky-panky.” Turning back to return to Kirk’s side, he stopped. “Leonard, regarding the state of our residual link, Jim and I have discussed asking you to maintain a link with me and after her birth, we want to implement a familial link with our child and you as her Sa-kuk, Her uncle.  Would you be agreeable?”

McCoy stared at him, his jaw dropping for uncounted seconds. “As her uncle? You and Jim discussed this?” At Spock’s nod, the blue eyes blinked rapidly a sheen of moisture appearing in their depths. He dropped his head before drawing himself up with a smile. “Yes. I am honored more than you can imagine.”

Reassured his friend was no longer angry with him, Spock provided comforters for the couch and then returned to Jim’s side. Relieved he had addressed McCoy’s needs; Spock now felt a wave of exhaustion. Sliding into bed at Jim’s side, he held back a sigh only because T’Lyn and McCoy hovered over the two of them. And though his bondmate continued to sleep, Jim automatically reached out and draped his arm over Spock, the blond head resting on his shoulder. Just one adjustment, shifting, he could not hold back the sigh when the human’s round abdomen was pushed securely against his own. Perfect.

A few days later, Spock was pulled from his meditation by his bondmate’s thoughts. //T’hy’la come quick! //

There was no distress, yet the Vulcan hurried to Kirk’s side in their living area. Jim grabbed his hand, pulling it to his abdomen. “I felt her.”

“Samira kicked?”

“No! Here. Feel!”

He pressed his hand to Jim’s bare abdomen and suddenly an influx of feeling spread through Spock. Kirk was saying, “I feel her joy. Her love. She is talking-communicating? Emoting?”

Taking another moment to absorb the incredible sensation, Spock reached up first to brush Jim’s cheek. Seeing the eyes brimming with tears still focused on his abdomen. Without hesitating Spock lightly touched his PSI points and was immediately inundated with the feelings flowing through both men.

//She’s happy! Can you feel her? This is the most incredulous thing I’ve ever experienced. //

Images flashed between them of a lifetime of experiences. Jim remembering his first glimpse of the Enterprise on his first command; Spock remembering his joy at seeing Jim alive after thinking he had killed him on the sands of Vulcan; A scene flashing of seeing Spock alive on Mount Seleya; Fascinating visions flashed of witnessing the birth of a new star. Both coming back to the sensations of feeling their daughter’s emotions.

//We can seek out our link with her. I did not think she was developed enough and was not certain of her abilities. I believe it will be safe. //

//Didn’t think she had it in her, did you? Yes, let’s see our link. //

Gently, they approached the fragile connection flowing from their own tightly bound links. Finally, both men sensed her being, small and fragile.

//At this point we cannot communicate-//

//She’s laughing! I can feel her laughing, Spock. //

The Vulcan could feel his own surprise as he became aware of her joy. //Apparently, I have underestimated Samira’s ability. //

//She’s our little genius! // Jim was trying to reduce his own response to her, aware she would be overwhelmed. //T’hy’la she is tiring. We should allow her to rest. //

Reluctantly they both withdrew yet remained linked continuing to share their awe at the experience. Finally, when Kirk’s stomach growled, Spock closed their link, but found himself laughing along with Jim. His hand resting on his abdomen. They kissed slowly, allowing the love and joy to flow between them.

In the messhall, they sat at their normal table but felt as if a bubble was surrounding them. It was McCoy who burst through their shared space.

“Spock? Jim? You both are…glowing!”

For once, Kirk did not mind the exquisite blush coloring his neck and face. He smiled widely at McCoy and was pleased when the grumpy doctor responded with a sweet smile.

It was Spock who explained. “We are happy, Leonard. We are experiencing Samira’s emotions.”

“And she laughed, Bones! Laughed.” Kirk burst out in bright peals of laughter, not caring that many heads were turning toward him in the messhall.

McCoy began to laugh with him, shaking his head at the same time. “Then her Sa-kuk is happy too.”

Chapter Text

Kirk was having a hard time concealing his excitement. In two days after he finished this tedious meeting of the Fleet Commanders at Starbase one, Spock and he were planning to take leave time. He was finally going to see his mother and tell her the news about their baby.

Seated together in a large audience, Kirk could not keep from grinning at Spock. The Vulcan was frowning, and he lightly ran his fingers over Spock’s hand. His mate jerked his hand away from the contact. Kirk glanced around but didn’t see anyone noticing his behavior. He shrugged, turning back to the Commander seated on the other side. She was witty and charming and seemed to be as bored as he was by the conference.

Spock pushed his chair back abruptly making a sound deep in his throat. Glancing up, Kirk raised questioning eyebrows. The Vulcan appeared displeased, but Jim wasn’t certain what had happened.

//Ahayam? Are you okay? //

There was a long silence before Spock replied, even in the mind voice, his words were short and clipped. //I have an experiment I must monitor.//

//Now? Can’t it wait? //

Spock glared at him and turned away. Startled, Kirk debated following him, but the next speaker had arrived. They both had adjusted well to being separated for short periods of time. But they had not tested this away from the ship. He was concerned about the project Spock was working on would be in the Enterprise lab. Kirk forced his attention back to the speaker, hoping they wouldn’t experience negative effects from being separated so far away from each other.

A flare of unaccustomed anger surged through Spock. His bondmate preferred to spend time with his colleagues. He could smell each being that had interacted with his T’hy’la. His thoughts reviewed the last two days of the conference and Kirk’s unexpected joy at being reunited with many of his old friends.

Flames beat at his mind and a growl sounded in his chest. He was relieved the turbolift he was on was empty. Spock quickly moved to the transporter room, shielding when his bondmate sent another concerning question about his wellbeing. Jim should already understand he was excluding his mate by spending time in close proximity to his ‘friends’.

He moved with irritated strides to Science Lab 114B. The experiment was proceeding as planned and did not require his attention. Drawing a breath, Spock returned to their quarters but even here he was inundated with the scents of other beings, the captain’s clothing from the day before thrown in an untidy pile in the corner of the room. Stalking over to the offending mound, Spock quickly threw the clothing into the recycler.

Taking a shower, Spock turned to the meditation mat but discovered he did not have the desire to suppress the feelings he was experiencing. Changing into workout clothes, Spock went quickly to the gym, his head down, not acknowledging the greetings of his crew in the corridors.

Jim nudged their link. //Samira is missing you. //

Spock ignored the implied question. He noted that Kirk did not admit he was missing Spock as well. Too surrounded by his friends and adoring public. The attention he received due to his new young physique sent Spock’s red anger flaring again. He added more weights to the equipment he was working with, pushing himself past his limits. Despite the captain’s expanding waistline, they had not made an announcement yet to those outside the Enterprise. Even this fact was frustrating, apparently Jim didn’t want to tell them he was gestating.

Spock tried to push his uncharitable thoughts down but each time, scenes throughout yesterday and this morning interfered. And Jim was too tired last night to be intimate, requesting to simply cuddle. Spock had acquiesced but as soon as Kirk was asleep, he had left to meditate, the smells on Kirk’s skin and clothes driving him away. He had attempted to draw in the sweet smell of his bondmate’s essence including their gestation, but the other odors kept interrupting.

Continuing his punishing regime, Spock worked in the gym until late in the afternoon. He finally returned to the lab, not certain if he wanted to greet Jim when he returned. Sensing the captain was experiencing some distress at their separation, Spock resigned himself to being available this evening.

Again, he considered meditating but discovered he still had no desire. When Jim sent a tentative request to dine together in the messhall, he reluctantly agreed.

Still puzzled by Spock’s absence throughout the day, Kirk knew his bondmate was disturbed but was unsure of the cause. He waved when he saw Spock in the doorway, the elegant Vulcan weaving his way towards him. Yet, he seemed rigid as he approached the table.

Kirk watched his nostrils flare as if annoyed by the smell of his food. He glanced down, his puzzlement growing, there were only Vulcan dishes on his plate. “Have you eaten Spock?”

“I do not wish to partake of nutrition at this time.”

Even his tone was clipped and sharp. Kirk drew in a breath. “Okay. I’ll just take this, and we can go to our quarters.”

He was shocked when Spock said, “Do not make any effort for me, Captain. I will return to the Science lab.”

He tried to rest a hand on Spock’s wrist but his bondmate jerked his arm back. Turning on his heel, he left the room.

Spock tried to draw calming breaths as he headed back down the corridor. He could not comprehend how his bondmate could hurt him so deeply, associating with other beings, bringing their own essence on his clothing and skin.

The quick click of Kirk’s heels behind him sent his anger soaring again. Catching up with Spock before the turbolift, Kirk blocked him against the wall. “What’s going on? Why are you so angry with me?” He lifted a hand to touch the side of Spock’s face.

He inhaled deeply and felt another growl escape at the multiple scents of other beings on Jim’s clothing. Spock grabbed both shoulders brutally holding him.

Kirk bit off a cry. //Ashayam. You’re hurting me. //

Spock roughly shoved the captain away, causing him to stumble. “You have spent the day with your colleagues, friends, and dare to bring all their scents for me to tolerate? I cannot!”

His voice had risen, and he spun around, raising an intimidating eyebrow to a timid crewman that happened to be nearby. He glanced back to see Kirk rubbing his shoulder, his face white, eyes wide with shock.

Spock felt something nudge his shield and he paused briefly, a moment of fear touching him. A scene crossed his vision of Kirk in the conference earlier, a female colleague enveloping him in a close hug. He turned away refusing to acknowledge Jim’s mental touch.

Running his hands over his abdomen, Kirk fought against the flush of tears the action caused, missing the gentle touch of his bondmate. Taking a long water shower, Kirk pulled on his robe from the fresher. He never considered Spock would be so sensitive to the different species even though very few beings had actually touched the captain. He had learned to adopt some of the Vulcan’s mannerisms to limit inadvertent contact.

Ensuring his clothes from the day were in the fresher, Kirk took a moment to review correspondence especially from Peter and his mother. A few minutes later, Spock entered the room, his face still dark and forbidding.

Kirk exclaimed, “Ashaya, Peter is going to be able to meet us after all at the farmhouse. I’m so excited. Can’t wait to be done with all these meetings and spend some time with them and with you.”

The severe brown eyes softened. “As will I.”

Kirk quickly stood, rushing over to throw his arms around Spock. For a moment, he felt Spock relax at his touch, but then he drew a breath and stiffened. “There are unfamiliar scents on your robe. Who has been here touching you?”

Frowning down at the robe, Kirk rapidly pulled the offending item off and tossed it in the corner. Standing naked before the Vulcan, Kirk tried to snuggle into his arms. “I just want to hold you close. I missed you today.”

Unaccustomed emotions flared again. A hint of flame seared him. Spock put his hands on the slender shoulders.

 Kirk flinched. “They’re a little sensitive.”

Spock shifted, glancing down to find red handprints on the pale skin. Kirk was shivering. “Who?” He started and then stopped, remembering. “I harmed you.” He whispered.

Kirk tried again to embrace him, another chill rocking his frame. “It’s okay. I just want to be held by you.”

The emotions tore at his logic and Spock turned away. “I require meditation. I do not wish to harm you again.”

“Spock, stay. Just let’s hold one another.”

There it was again. A growl came from deep in his chest. “Like you held onto Captain Sawyer? She wanted you; I could sense it.” He pushed Kirk away.

“No, K’diwa. No. Please—”

He headed for the exit. “I do not believe I will accompany you tomorrow or to your family home. I have no desire to watch you interact with other beings while being pregnant with our child.”

He slammed down a barrier in his mind, barely hearing the cry as he left the room. His thoughts were in disarray and even though meditation would be appropriate, Spock found he did not ‘feel’ like meditating.

Late in the evening, the shaky call to McCoy alarmed the CMO immediately. “Bones? Can you c-come to my quarters?”

Grabbing his uniform tunic, the doctor asked, “What’s wrong, Jim?”

“Just hurry.”

“He’s gone, Bones. Maybe for good. I can’t reach him. He s-said he won’t go with me to see my m-mother. I don’t--”

McCoy rested a hand on the younger man’s shoulder. He had found him huddled under the covers, tears covering the pale face. When Kirk turned the blanket slid down over his arms to reveal vivid handprints on both Jim’s shoulders, He ran a finger over the raised skin, seeing Kirk tense with the touch.

“What happened here?”

Pulling the disjointed information from the captain took a while. His scanner showed Jim was suffering from the symptoms earlier displayed from being separated and mentally blocked from his bondmate. He tried to gather him up in his arms only to have Kirk pull away in fear.

“No. He keeps talking about other beings’ scents. I must’ve upset him by doing stuff like this. Don’t touch me.”

McCoy frowned, thinking about the multitude of ways over the years, he had considered harming Spock. The Vulcan could drive a person insane and apparently was managing to send Jim over the edge now.

“Computer, location of Captain Spock.”

“He said he--”

“Captain Spock is located in private gym six.”

“Was going to meditate.”

“Much as I would like to blame Spock. Something isn’t right. I’m going to talk with T’Lyn. And call a yeoman to de-scent your room, replicate new linens, robes. Meanwhile, when you feel up to it, you are taking another shower.”

There was no answer and McCoy was relieved to see shallow even breathing. He had fallen into a light sleep.

Late in the evening, Spock gathered his bondmate carefully in his arms. He had been abducted from the gym by both McCoy and Healer T’Lyn. After a brief examination, medication was given despite his reservations. And within minutes, some of his anger and confusion had eased. Anxious to return to his bondmate, he refused any treatment for the injuries he had suffered while working out in the gym.

He could sense through their open bond that Jim was awakening. Amazingly, Kirk shared his joy in their link. //K’diwa taluhk nash-veh k’dular.//

//Yuk-tor, t’nash veh ashalik veh.//  Spock caressed his temple and cheek, feeling his mate slip back into sleep. Emotions still driving him, Spock lifted his hand to brush tears from his own eyes.

He drew Kirk’s head back onto his shoulder, holding the human tightly in his arms. Following Jim into sleep, he shook his head. Spock whispered, “I do not deserve you, Ashayam.”

Though Kirk was asleep, his arms tightened around Spock, pushing his rounded abdomen against Spock. Another tear slipped free.

McCoy silently entered the captain’s quarters without signaling. He ran the scanner but resisted touching either man. Spock lifted his head, blinking at the doctor.

He said quietly, “He’s doing fine Spock. And your levels are improved. Let me see your hands and I’ll be out of here.”

Wanting to burrow back under the covers with Jim. Spock pulled one hand free. McCoy immediately began using the dermal regenerator on the bloody, swollen knuckles.

A sleepy voice sounded. “What’s wrong? Bones?” Kirk shifted and frowned as he focused on Spock’s hand. “What the hell happened?”

McCoy continued working, “Go back to sleep Jim. Everything’s okay.”

“Like hell!” The command tone was back and despite the poor timing, McCoy was relieved to hear it.

Finishing with the one hand, he requested Spock provide his other hand. “Nothing’s broken. I was afraid to let this go any longer without checking. Jim, your favorite Vulcan decided to take on the gym equipment earlier tonight, specifically the punching bag.” He continued his ministrations, then allowed Spock to return to holding Kirk. “I think the equipment won. Feeling better, Spock?”

Despite Kirk’s increased awareness, he did not move from his position, his arms wrapped around Spock’s torso. Concerned hazel eyes questioned him.

McCoy stepped back. “Thanks to quick research by Healer T’Lyn and a colleague on Vulcan, she discovered Spock was experiencing a condition that can occur with bondmates during gestation. Certain triggers can cause a reaction, an overwhelming possessiveness. When the triggers continue, a cascade effect releases hormones which interfere with logic.”

He noted Spock closing his eyes, his ears turning slightly green.

Kirk brushed a hand over Spock’s jaw. “What triggers? What did I do?”

The Vulcan said quietly, “You did nothing wrong, J--.”

The captain interrupted him, “Scents. You mentioned that.”

McCoy nodded. It amazed him how his friend could connect the pieces despite his drowsiness. “Yes Jim. It started when you both attended the conference. It kept building but neither of you recognized there was a problem until Spock was unable to control his reactions.”

“K’diwa. I did not--”

If McCoy hadn’t already been certain they were on the road to recovery, Jim’s immediate response, kissing Spock sweetly on the lips was proof. “Shhh, it’s all right.” Without embarrassment, Kirk turned to McCoy. “Samira’s, okay?” At his nod, Kirk smiled. “Treatment?”

“For twenty-four hours hormone and nasal suppressants. I have you on medical leave. You can attend the conference in the morning remotely from your office. Spock will have guided meditation with T’Lyn here when you are attending the meeting. And I believe you will be able to see your family after the conference.”

Kirk pulled Spock’s head down to rest on his shoulder. McCoy had to make himself resist pulling the comforter over them both. T’Lyn had warned him about refraining from causing further triggers at this time. 

He crept to the door, lowering the lights. Kirk’s quiet voice caught him at the exit. “Thank you, Bones. And tell Healer T’Lyn our gratitude.”

Kirk was preparing an update with his senior staff once they returned from shoreleave on the base. His visit with family had been full of pandemonium and excitement, and he smiled remembering his mother’s joy.

On the bridge, he shifted in his seat, trying to find a comfortable position. Spock approached him, wordlessly asking if he could assist. Suddenly, he jerked to the side, feeling a sharp pain. Rubbing his upper abdomen, he sent a reassuring smile to his bondmate.

“Perhaps we should seek out Healer T’Lyn.”

Shaking his head, he stubbornly remained in his seat. He gasped as he felt another strong jolt to his abdomen. “Ouch. That hurt! It felt like she—” His face split into a smile and he grasped Spock’s hand even though they were on the bridge with a full complement of alpha shift. Kirk felt Spock’s quizzical eyes as he forced the Vulcan’s hand against the upper right side of his abdomen. “She’s kicking! I didn’t know it would hurt like that.”

There was another solid kick and he felt Spock’s amazement through their combined fingers. “Jim, I was not expecting the strength of her flexing her legs. Are you all right?”

Nodding, Kirk looked around at the stations, noting that the expressions ranged from delight to happy smiles. He lightly stroked his fingers over Spock’s and then drew back, straightening his posture. Perhaps she was trying to find room to move while he was seated in the chair.

Spock stepped back, a smile still in his eyes but he was the epitome of a Starfleet Officer as he turned back to his station.

“Captain! We are received a priority call from Commodore Rayne.” The communications officer sounded slightly frightened.

Giving a reassuring smile, Kirk ordered, “Put it through to my ready room. And round up Commander Uhura and have her join us.”

Spock and Kirk left quietly but as they entered the conference room, the captain gave a light laugh. “Can you believe we felt her? Sami is proving to be a surprise around every corner. T’Lyn indicated it would be another two weeks at least before we felt her movement and even then, it would be very limited. She proved her wrong.”

Spock ran his fingers over the swollen abdomen and then pulled the laughing human into his arms. “Each event is overwhelming. I find it difficult to remain unemotional in front of the crew. I am so happy, Jim.”

Lifting his head from the Vulcan’s shoulder, he laughed again. “Now you surprise me, K’diwa.”  Jim traced his lips, his own curling up to match Spock’s gentle smile.

“Taluhk nash-veh k’dular.”

Ashay—Ouch!” Jim jerked, straightening. “She is really strong. This will take some getting used to.”

The computer chimed and both men moved to sit at the desk facing the screen. They had learned years ago how to provide a professional appearance for the brass despite whatever had happened seconds prior to the meeting.

“Captain Kirk. Captain Spock. We have received an emergency call for assistance with the Intrepid II. A virus, Choriocytosis has rapidly spread through the crew. The supply of strobolin on hand was enough to treat seventy-three of the three hundred forty Vulcan crew affected. They need an emergency supply couriered to them and you are the fastest ship.”

Spock asked quietly, “Do you have the supplies needed?”

“No. We are sending the Horizon to Beta Canopus for the drug. You will rendezvous with them and take the strobolin to the Intrepid.”

Kirk interrupted the call to request the communications chief to begin an immediate recall of crew to the ship.

The Commodore hesitated before continuing. “Captain Spock, I have been informed Ambassador Sarek and his wife are aboard the Intrepid. Per the Captain, he is refusing to take the strobolin, insisting the medicine be given to the younger Vulcans.

Spock’s deep voice stated, “Logical.”

Kirk pursed his lips in frustration but turned to update Uhura as she joined them. She immediately notified Captain Scott. Within minutes, the starship was enroute to rendezvous with the Horizon.

Only a few hours later, the department heads filed briskly from the conference room. Since receiving the call from the Intrepid, Enterprise had also received a distress call from an Earth Colony world who was attacked, destroying at least three colonies. The briefing clarified and addressed the priorities with both the Intrepid and Crescent Colony.

 Spock stopped to touch his fingers against his bondmate in the Ozh’esta before exiting to follow up with departments challenged with providing supplies needed for the colony world attacks on their home.

Uhura waited for the captain to finish an update from their meeting. He completed the log recording and turned an inquisitive look toward his first officer. “Nyota, you’ve had an intriguing smile on your face for the last half hour. Why?”

She stood, ignoring McCoy loitering in the back of the room. She rounded the table, dropping an affectionate hug around his slender shoulders.

The doctor cleared his throat. “You do know he’s married right?”

Giving a laugh, she said inexplicably, “It’s just good to see you back.”

Looking up at her, Kirk frowned. “Have I been missing?”

Dropping into the seat beside the captain, she explained, “I finally feel I have my captain back. Seeing you here with the senior staff, balancing and coordinating the strategies now required. It was like the old days, you did it effortlessly with a joy that I’ve missed.”

McCoy snorted. “She’s gone off her rocker. I’ll take her down for testing if you want, Jim.”

Uhura grimaced.  “I can tell you agree with me. Since the Xindi mission, you have been tentative and somewhat off-balance. I was remembering our early missions on the Enterprise. I was on board with Captain Pike who was a great commander, but I must tell you when Captain Kirk stepped into his shoes there was electricity in the air. Remember the mission with Balok? It wasn’t only your insane solution of Corbormite but also the incredible way you managed to work together with us as a team, all of us contributing.” She tapped his arm. “Today I felt a little of that excitement. You keep telling me how grateful you are that I’m here, but truthfully it is a joy to work with you, Captain Kirk.”

Uhura’s eyes danced as she watched a pink blush spread across his face.

Kirk shook his head. “Enough! Okay, let’s review the plan to ensure we have everything covered. After we rendezvous with the Horizon, Nyota, you with T’Lyn and security will take our warp shuttle with the supplies including the strobolin and rendezvous with the Intrepid. Spock and I will take the Enterprise to the Crescent Colony.”

“And?” She prompted.

Puzzled, Kirk added. “And provide aide to the destroyed colonies along with attempting to discover and stop the pirates who caused this.”

She glanced at McCoy and shook her head. ‘And what will you be doing specifically?”

Kirk sighed, frowning at both of them. McCoy moved to lean against the conference table. “Jim, we just want to clarify your restrictions.”

The dark flush and dipping eyebrows warned them of his flash of anger. His voice tight, he said, “I will stay ‘safely’ aboard ship with Spock, far away from any danger. I will order the crew to intervene on the colonies and coordinate their activities from the bridge of the Enterprise.” He lifted angry eyes to meet both the doctor and Uhura’s. “Doesn’t mean I have to like it.”

Shifting suddenly, Kirk dropped a hand against his abdomen. “Don’t think she likes it much either.”

McCoy straightened, concern shining in his blue eyes. The captain gave an embarrassed grin as he jumped slightly and then rubbed the side of his abdomen near his ribs. “Guess she’s reminding me why it’s important for us to stay aboard.” He stood. “Nyota, would you do a favor for Spock and me?”

Uhura nodded. “Of course, sir.”

“On board the Intrepid, please encourage Ambassador Sarek to take the next dose of Strobolin? Remind him we want him to live to see his granddaughter.”

McCoy laughed. “That’s dirty pool, Jim. Holding his grandchild as a bargaining tool.”

Kirk nodded. “And how about we keep this to ourselves? I’m afraid Spock might agree it is a little underhanded.”

Kirk coordinated the Enterprise flight to Crescent Colony with Captain Scott and Lieutenant Dawson on Navigation. Lieutenant Uhura had left six hours earlier to rendezvous with the Intrepid in twenty-eight hours.

Despite the well-ordered actions of his crew, Kirk was dismayed that it would take nearly thirty-six hours to arrive, and this included pushing the Enterprise engines to a dangerous level. By the time they reached the planet, both Scott and Kirk were sweating the potential danger to the engines. And much to McCoy’s dismay, the captain had spent far more of his time in Engineering, not adhering to the strict resting periods both T’Lyn and the CMO had outlined for him at six months pregnant. Jim currently wasn’t experiencing nausea or extreme fatigue, but McCoy was concerned about his unwillingness to rest. Spock attempted to remain at his side but due to the needs of the ship, was unable to ensure either of them rested as needed.

When they arrived, the marauders were no longer in sight, but the destruction to the colonists was dire. Out of the five colony sites, three had been reduced to rubble, and littered with dead and injured.

Spock carefully picked his way through the debris toward the temporary shelter erected by the Enterprise crew.  Despite their concerns about the captain’s safety, it was decided after the second day here for the command team to work with the colonists on the planet. Both Spock and McCoy hovered over Kirk, however, their services were in dire need in multiple places on the colonies.

He discovered the captain seated, leaning over a table, padd in hand, where he had been working on updating the current stats including supplies and schedules of staffing. However, the human had fallen asleep, his head resting on the corner of the padd. His face was covered in grime and there was a bruise on one cheek.

Spock touched the side of his face, skimming carefully over the bruise. “Ashayam?” He waited as the bleary eyes blinked, Kirk appearing confused. “I have brought refreshments and instructions from McCoy.”

A glowing smile lit his face, and he lifted a hand to touch the fingers resting on his face. “K’diwa. I think I fell asleep.”

“Indeed. In fact, which was Dr. McCoy’s recommendation for you to return to the ship and to eat and rest.”

The captain grimaced, shifting to lean his body against Spock, his arm sneaking around his waist. “I really can’t. There are some pretty upset colonists here. I’m supposed to meet with some of them this afternoon. I don’t think leaving right now is a good idea.”

“It has been disturbing the level of anger they have shown us.”

“Anger is a mild term; they act like they hate us. I’m worried about our crew down here. The colonists have not helped at all blaming us for everything.”

“It has been a most illogical response. Due to this observation by not only you, but McCoy and myself as well, we agree. Therefore,” Spock lifted a backpack and placed it on the table. “He has sent provisions and your nutritional shake.”

As he pulled the items free, Kirk watched, finally asking, “Joy. Ration bars. I don’t suppose he sent coffee?”

“He did but requested you drink this first.” Kirk grimaced at the sight of what he called the sickbay special which was specifically designed with nutrients for his pregnancy.

Kirk stretched, and then ran his hand over his swollen belly. His uniform tunic rode up revealing the stretched skin. Spock knelt beside him, one hand massaging his lower back. The captain arched his back into his hand. “That feels good. I think she grew a little today. My shirt doesn’t fit me anymore.”

“I believe Healer T’Lyn stated this could occur rapidly at this point. You do appear to have increased in size.” Spock glanced down at his boots which were stretched tightly. “Your feet are swollen. Shall I assist you to remove your footwear?”

Kirk shook head. “No. We have to walk back to the shuttle, and I will never get them back on. He gestured outside the tent. “Did your team find anything interesting?”

“As you surmised, our geologist, Carstairs, discovered unusual readings which may explain the attacks. Further investigation revealed trilithium.”

Kirk grimaced, “The plot thickens. Was someone on the colony working with the raiders for financial gain? Otherwise, how would they have known to come here?”

“I agree with your--”

McCoy rushed through the tent opening. “The colonists are on their way here, Jim. How are—” He came to a sudden stop glaring at Kirk’s abdomen and feet. “You didn’t happen to mention you’re experiencing some dramatic changes. If this meeting wasn’t so critical, we would have you back on the ship now.” He was pulling equipment from his belt. Kirk stalled him before he gave a hypo. “I have to talk with them. Don’t give me something for the swelling because I can’t just stroll out to relieve myself.”

Grumbling, McCoy pressed a hypo into his neck. “This should help for the next two hours. Then its—”

An older colonists entered the tent having to duck his head. He was red-faced and gesturing angrily. “While our people are dying, you sit here getting fat and happy on a gourmet meal. Why haven’t you provided my people any help?”

Kirk glanced down at his half-eaten ration bar, ignoring the slight nausea now twisting his stomach from the hypo. “I am Captain Kirk. And you are?”

The gray-haired man scoffed. “You are Captain Kirk? Are you his son? I met him a few years ago.”

Grimacing, Kirk met the angry eyes evenly. “Nevertheless, I am him. Your name sir?”

“Roff Chansolme and this is Chansolme’s colony. I established it when we arrived here seven years ago. And now it is all gone. And so is my daughter who is-was pregnant with my grandchild. We haven’t located her while you all lounge here taking it easy!”

A few more colonists entered the tent, eyes on Chansolme, feeding off of his rage. “We haven’t found all our people. Why weren’t you here when we needed you? And stopped the monsters who did this?”

A younger man moved up to stand beside Chansolme. “We were told you were on shore leave on a pleasure planet. You obviously weren’t too concerned about getting here quickly. I thought your ship was capable of Warp Nine. You should have been here yesterday.”

More people entered the tent, many yelling epitaphs. The captain stood, yanking his tunic down to cover his abdomen. Spock remained supportively at his side. “We did use high warp to get here which is now requiring repairs due to the sustained speed.”

This did little to appease the growing angry crowd which was quickly turning into a mob. And as if on cue, someone threw a rotting piece of fruit to splash across Kirk’s chest. This seemed to open the floodgates and soon they were inundated with items including some rocks being thrown.

As one sharp stone struck Kirk on the forehead, Spock moved in front of the captain to attempt to protect him. But when Spock opened his communicator preparing to contact security who were located close by, the captain closed the cover with his fingers. He sent reassurance through their link. “Gentlefolk. I hear your frustration and grieve with you for your losses. If you will listen—“

A larger rock was thrown hitting Spock square on his chest, Kirk steadying him. Seeing the slight tear and green blood on his tunic, angrily Kirk climbed up to stand on the chair.  He was grateful both McCoy and Spock were steadying him.  “Do not harm my crew! We have tried to help you. I know you need someone to blame but we are only here to help.” He spread his hands as he stared down the enraged group.

He was surprised when a young boy in a tattered robe, no more than six years old, squeezed past Chansolme and approached the table, handing a cloth up to Kirk for the cut on his forehead. The colonists seemed shocked, staring at the boy.

Suddenly there was a hush, and he heard a whispering from the back of the crowd. Puzzled, Kirk glanced back at Spock who shook his head. The boy disappeared only to return holding the hand of an ancient man, long white hair to his shoulders in a dark robe covered in dust and grime. Bright, curious eyes fell on the two Starfleet officers, and he lifted his free hand to take Kirk’s, tugging him back to the floor of the tent. Turning to face the colonists, the whisper thin voice seemed to reach the entire crowd. “These men have come to help us and yet I have observed a lack of spirit of community and cooperation with their efforts. And now you attack the very ones who are trying to help.”

Chansolme was still angry but there was awe in his face. “Honored Shepherd.” He pointed a finger at Kirk. “They delayed coming to help us. They should have been here two days ago. And they have not stopped the ones who did this, what if they come back?”

“These men are innocent; they did not cause harm to our colonies. I have been to our other villages. I’ve seen signs of the starship’s assistance everywhere; they have provided temporary shelters and food.”

This caused a swell of muttering voices. Chansolme glared, “Only soup and water. Look, Kirk, if he is Captain Kirk, is drinking a milkshake. We haven’t seen anything like this.”

The shepherd placed a hand on Chansolme’s shoulder and Spock was intrigued when the anger drained from his face, replaced with grief. Tears sparkled in his eyes, and he shuffled to the side of the crowd.

“My children, we will join together at the bonfire tonight. I will hear your stories of your hardships and your triumphs. I will be overjoyed to hear of your assistance with the crew attempting to help us. Go home to your families.”

Amazingly, they quietly shuffled out, leaving only Chansolme with the shepherd, the small boy and the three Enterprise crew.

“Shepherd, I have no family to return to.” The big man sounded broken until the old man raised both hands to touch his face. There was a quiet sob and then the colonist left the room.

“Thank you, Shepherd.” Kirk said wearily.

The old man moved closer to the captain, and Spock had to force himself not to intervene.

He lifted ancient, wrinkled hands and touched the sides of his bondmate’s temples. Spock surged forward only to be stopped by Jim’s grip on his hand. He felt a surge of joy and love from both Jim and from their child Samira.

“Ahh, you give of yourself to our people despite the fact you need to take care of your own body’s needs. Dropping a hand to brush across the tight abdomen, the man looked at Spock and McCoy. “Take him home. Care for him. I will help with our people.” He reached out, the small boy at his side instantly grabbing his hand. “Come Raven. We have much to do.”

Sinking back down into his chair, Kirk managed a laugh. “Let’s go home, my friends.”

They debated quickly about transporting but the captain was adamant he could make the short trip to the shuttle less than a kilometer from the tent. As expected, McCoy was called back to the med tent by a hysterical colonist and Spock was forced to stop and discuss options with Lieutenant Carstairs. Kirk continued plodding along, discovering each step was more difficult than the last. He almost considered removing his boots but one look at all the rubble they were traversing would make travel more painful. Besides, lately Spock had been assisting with removing his boots the last few days since he was increasingly awkward with baby Sami. 

A convenient boulder allowed him the opportunity to rest a moment. The two security guards followed him, stopping beside him. One handed him a packet of water which he drank greedily.  Kirk pushed his exhaustion down, engaging both guards in conversation, getting them to talk about events on the planet.

Suddenly there was screaming, and two women rushed toward them. “Help us! She’s going to drown!”

The captain drew a breath. His stamina would not be up to providing assistance but at least the guards could help. He ordered them to follow the women, assuring them, he would wait for them.

Several minutes went by and he considered continuing to the shuttle on his own. It would help to relax in a supportive seat. The boulder was uncomfortable.

There was a faint cry coming from the dilapidated house nearby. He frowned, wondering if he was hearing things. Another cry, like a small baby. Kirk stood, moving closer to the house. It was definitely marked as cleared of occupants and unsafe to enter.

Inside the front doorway, he shoved the broken door to the side. “Hello?  Anyone need help?”

Again, the cry but no one answered. As the cry grew weaker, the captain pushed forward. He followed the sound through the fallen beams back to a room with broken windows and part of the roof caved in.

The cry came again from under the wood and sheaves from the roof. Kirk carefully moved aside a board and found an arm. The cry sounded again. Forcefully reminding himself not to cause harm to their baby, Kirk shifted and threw some boards to the side.

And there, sheltered under a beam, A woman lay with a newborn babe between her legs on the floor.  The woman was breathing but not moving. He could see blood on her face.

//Spock! I need help. //

//Are you all right, Ashayam? I am nearly to the shuttle. //

The was a shudder and suddenly grit and debris were falling on them. Kirk had already wrapped the baby in his tunic and was attempting to cover them both, protecting them.

//Not at the shuttle. A house on the way. Get help now!”

Everything shifted and suddenly the room was falling on both him, the woman and the newborn baby. Kirk felt something hit him on his head, and darkness descended.

Chapter Text

“Who are you?” Said the Caterpillar. This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation. Alice replied, rather shyly, “I-I hardly know, Sir, just at present-at least I know who I was when I got up this morning, but I must have been changed several times since then.”

Kirk drifted, the words flowing over him. He heard the voice say closer to him, “See Samira? There’s an illustration of Alice with the Caterpillar. It shows Alice in her blue dress with her white frock looking up at the large green Caterpillar who is seated on a mushroom smoking a long pipe called a hookah.” There was a light tinkle of laughter.

Trying to open his eyes was too much of an effort. Kirk listened to the words, inwardly smiling as the familiar female voice continued reading Alice in Wonderland. He tried to puzzle who was reading. Faintly, he felt a surge of feeling from somewhere near his abdomen and Jim sighed in relief as he recognized their unborn baby was responding to the voice as well. He tried to send a burst of love to Sami but like a wave cresting over his head, Kirk sank back down into darkness.

Amanda closed her reader when both Doctor McCoy and her son approached the captain’s bed. Both their faces were lined with worry, but McCoy glanced at her with a twinkle in his eye. “Reading Lewis Carroll?”

She blushed slightly not meeting Spock’s eyes as she explained, “I used to read to Spock when I was pregnant with him. I read this one a lot. And when he was young, he requested I read this book to him at night.”

McCoy laughed as he rested a hand on the captain’s still shoulder. She noted Spock came around her to briefly touch the PSI points on the pale face. McCoy turned back to her, “Jim loved it too. He was fond of quoting random lines from it and expecting me to respond with the next line. Sometimes I surprised him.”

Amanda stood, “Do you have an update?”

A reluctant shake of the doctor’s head and he sighed. Squeezing the still shoulder, he said to his patient. “Ahhh, Jim-boy. It’s time for you to wake up.”

When there was no response, McCoy drew Amanda a few feet away. “I was hoping he would have regained consciousness by now. The concussion was bad and I’m just not sure when or if he will awaken.”

“He will, Doctor.” Spock’s voice was firm.

McCoy continued, ignoring Spock. “Their baby is healthy; you can see she has a strong heartbeat. The fractures in his leg and shoulder have been repaired, there is still significant pain related to the multiple contusions.” He turned, raising his voice. “But he has been in this coma for over three days. Not a—”

“McCoy.” Spock interrupted, sending a dark look at him before turning back to the captain.

McCoy drew a deep breath, nodding. “Spock is right. We shouldn’t talk here. Perhaps you can return in a couple of hours. We’re going to do some tests and some physical therapy to maintain his muscle tone.”

She nodded, moving back to Kirk’s side, bending down to place a quick kiss on his cheek. She whispered, “Come back to us, my son. We need you.”

“Cheshire Cat, would you please tell me which way I should go from here?" Alice asked as politely as she could.

“That depends on where you want to get to,” said the cat.

Jim felt the echo of the words in his head. He knew the next line wanting to say them. But his mouth seemed disconnected from his mind.

“I don’t much care--” Alice began.

“Then it doesn’t matter which way you go,” said the cat.

“-.-so long as I get somewhere,” Alice finished.

Amanda kept reading, trying to keep her despair from rising. It had now been five days of Kirk remaining in a comatose state. She scanned his face, stopping as she noticed there was a liveliness in his features. His lips moved and she moved forward, asking, “Jim? Can you talk?”

There was a flurry of motion, McCoy running from his office shouting orders. “Get Healer T’Lyn. And Spock, now!”

Amanda started to back away but thought she heard a dry rasp of sound. She barely could make out the words, then realized with a cry he was mumbling the next line. “--all mad here. I’m...”

When his voice trailed off, she finished, “I’m mad. You’re mad.” Tears flooded her eyes as she made room for the medical team and Spock. She was grateful when she felt the solid embrace of Sarek guiding her to the back of the room.

Spock had to force himself to breathe as he watched the team surround his bondmate. He had felt the first stirring of Jim’s awareness and knew before McCoy’s call to return to sickbay. He ached to touch him, the need growing as he waited for the team to allow him to connect with his bondmate.

T’Lyn gestured to him. “Open your link, gently. He is calling for you.”

Oh, so carefully, Spock was almost afraid to reach out. He sent tendrils of love, hiding all the fear he had experienced in the last five days. Joy. Happiness. Love.

The first touch from Jim’s thoughts was cloudy as if he was working his way through a mass of thick fog and increasing discomfort. Yet within, Spock felt both Jim and now Samira touching his mind, simply accepting the sharing.

There was motion around him, he could sense the team was keeping a tight watch on both patient and baby. Reassurance was pushed his way, T’Lyn’s gentle tone delicately providing the information about Jim’s condition without interfering in their expanding link.

It was hard to keep his mind-touch light and not delve deeper. The healer had explained that due to the length of the coma it would be important to give his bondmate time to reacclimate to awareness and their bond.

He pushed through the fog, trying to control his impatience. //T’hy’la. Ashayam. It is Spock. //

The incredible familiar presence of Jim’s mind brushed against his. Muted laughter. And then Samira shyly joined them, Spock smiled, wrapping his love around their bond. He could feel Jim’s confusion but, in the bond, they spoke in Vulcan, phrases of their love for each other.

//Alice in Wonderland? // The mental voice was barely present, exhaustion pulling Jim away from him.

//My mother was reading it to you. //

A gentle laugh and a pulse of love. The fog pulled him under, Spock reluctantly releasing him. He stayed in the link for seventy-three seconds longer simply stroking the fog, hoping his bondmate was able to feel his love.

Kirk came back to awareness, wincing at the pain. And wished he was still in the formless, dark void. He was experiencing overwhelming agony in his head. Dizzy, he tried to open his eyes, but it felt like the light was stabbing him. He moaned and there was a tender touch against his temper. Kirk leaned into it, shocked when he whimpered. “Hurts.”

The hand withdrew and he tried to shake his head causing the pain to escalate. “No. Please.” The attempt to lift his own hand was unsuccessful. Then his mate’s warm fingers covered his hand. Apparently, something communicated, warm, gentle fingers rested against the side of his head again, massaging with a light touch.

Southern tones sounded close by, but even subdued, he moaned again at the waves of pain the sound caused. The dizziness worsened and nausea crawled up his throat. “Sick.”

He was grateful when a hypo was pressured into his neck. Then anxiety flared, some remote memory that hypos were bad. But why? His stomach rolled again and as he attempted to soothe with his hand, the swell of his abdomen abruptly reminded Jim of their baby. Despite the whirl of pain and nausea, Jim sent a tendril of calm to their baby girl.

“Jim. Can you tell us how you feel?”

There was another moan. Surely that wasn’t him, he was able to handle pain. “Head hurts.” Kirk pushed out before another cry escaped. “Lights.”

Immediately the room was plunged into darkness. He drew a breath, trying to turn on his side to ease the nausea. “Feel sick.” There was motion beside him. Knowing what was coming next, Kirk ground out, “No hypos. Don’t want to…harm Samira.”

If the sharp pains in his head were less, he knew he would smile at the quiet grumbling to his side. Kirk tried to turn into the massaging fingers, dismayed when his body did not follow his commands.

Another hypo was pushed against his arm. Before he could protest silky blackness dropped him back into unconsciousness.

Even from his office, McCoy could see the deep frown on Jim’s face. He was still in constant pain ever since waking up. His mind circled around to options. Kirk had been in a coma for five days and since becoming semi-conscious for the last three days was experiencing debilitating pain. He was limited on the pain medications he could administer, due to the depressant effects on both Jim and the baby. Neuroinhibiters were too dangerous to the baby.

Looking ahead was grim. Samira was not ready for delivery and statistically would not survive. They couldn’t keep Jim sedated for much longer, too risky for the baby.

He stopped his pacing to stare at the monitor. Spock was seated beside Jim, his lined face revealing his own exhaustion. He had been at Kirk’s side almost continuously.

The door chimed, Healer T’Lyn entered without waiting. “How are you doing, Doctor McCoy?”

He grimaced, glancing back at the monitor. “Not good. I’m considering options and none of them are good.”

“Agreed.” She sat gracefully at his desk, entering a command in the computer. “I have been reviewing comparison data from before the accident to now on both Captain Kirk and the baby. There is a trend down in the heart rate, respirations and her chemistries are dropping.”

He turned sharply, staring at the computer in alarm. “She’s still within normal range.”

T’Lyn changed the data display and gestured to a new set of chemistries in both patient and baby. “Yes. However, instead of improvement there is a downward trend. Zero point three percent.” She paused, glancing at McCoy, a slight smile lifting her lips. "Slight, almost negligible. However, if it continues much longer, it will result in catastrophic reactions.”

There was a moment of fight or flight response, heart pounding, respirations too fast and a fine sheen of sweat over his face. McCoy clenched his fists, closing his eyes to regain control. He knew on a deep level what she was saying was accurate, matching his recent thoughts. “I know. I am unable to resolve this situation. We can’t reduce the neurofeedback of pain from his concussion without harming Samira. I keep hoping each day it will improve.” His hand was shaking when he placed his palm flat on the desk beside her. “You have indicated taking the baby would result in her death. But the data you just showed me, data that I have been subconsciously ignoring, shows me they both could die.”

Unexpectedly, she covered his hand with her touch, fingers light and delicate. “Spock approached us with an option this morning. I believe we should attempt this.”

“Let him take Jim to their suite? Let him share the pain and possibly go mad as well from it?” He shook his head adamantly. “I thought I made it clear I would not sanction this. We may lose the baby, possibly Jim. But it would mean losing Spock as well.”

“Leonard. We have known each other for two point three years. I am asking you to trust Honored Spock. I cannot predict the outcome. If there is a possibility, then I believe we should consider this. You are aware if Spock were to lose not only his bondmate but his child as well, he would not survive.” She glanced back at the monitor showing Spock beside Kirk. His hand resting against Kirk’s temple. “We would be continuously monitoring all three of them. I believe you should consider setting up your equipment in their living area and remaining there to be available quickly.”

McCoy glanced back at the monitor and watched Amanda joining them, Sarek at her side. “I don’t like it--’ He gave a strangled laugh. “Jim once got fed up with me and told me he was going to put that on my tombstone, ‘Here lies, I don’t like it, Leonard McCoy.’ As my epitaph.”

He turned his hand over, squeezing her fingers briefly before moving to pace once. “Let me consider this. In the meantime, tell me something about yourself? Family? Bondmate?

T’Lyn gracefully stood, moving away from the computer. “You are aware my parents died in a shuttle accident ten years ago. And my bondmate was on the Intrepid when it was lost.”

McCoy swung around to send her a shocked look. He managed, “I grieve with thee.”

“I reviewed the reports not long after. You volunteered to fly the shuttlecraft into the giant amoeba. I was surprised and a little overwhelmed by this information. It was from that point I understood a little of your courage.”

“I’m just thankful the captain sent Spock instead. I doubt I would have figured everything out in time to send antimatter into the cloud. He saved all our lives at the risk of his own.”

“Considering your record, I have no doubt you would have discovered this conclusion. However, the report on the damage to the shuttle reveals you may not have survived.” She stood close to his side, both facing the window, watching the medical crew walk past. “After I discovered your part in the events to destroy the cloud creature, I began to follow your career. In fact, I have corresponded with you years ago about the longevity project you worked on.”

Sending an alarmed look at her, he clarified. “Please tell me how I responded to you. And was professional.”

He was surprised again by the twitch of her lips. “You were charming even though it took some time for me to adjust to your human colloquialisms.

McCoy straightened from his habitual slouch. Seeing Amanda was still at Kirk’s side, he palmed the panel on his desk. “Captain Spock, please report to my office.”

In their quarters, Spock sat on the bed beside Jim's restless form. Gently opening the bond between them, Spock approached the essence of his T’hy’la. The gold shimmers were almost translucent. The Vulcan buried his despair deep, away from his bondmate. He weaved another tendril of his own bond into the gold, causing the strand to glow more brightly. Distantly he touched a slender branch, impressions surrounding him. Phrases drifted past him, and he distinctly heard, //K’diwa//

//Ashayam?//

//Ahhh, there you are. // Jim came striding through a thick fog, wrapping his arms around Spock. //Where have you been? //

All too soon, the fog enveloped Jim, taking him away in a sea of pain.

Spock dropped his hands, gesturing to his tortured mate. “Please, help him.” He whispered to McCoy.

For two days, Spock and McCoy attended to all of the captain’s needs. He had periods of wakefulness, accompanied by the almost debilitating pain resulting in nausea and sometimes volatile emesis.

Spock resisted looking at McCoy as they cleansed him from bodily fluids for the third time in the last eight hours. The despair on the human’s face was difficult to contemplate. T’Lyn entered and the two doctors reviewed the data.

T'Lyn stated quietly, "There is indication both Samira's and the captain's vital signs are more stable when you have been reading or talking to him. I recommend you continue this therapy."

Spock nodded. Despite his exhaustion, he looked at his Padd, remembering a recent conversation with Jim about favorite children's books. He opened the one Kirk had reassured him was necessary for human children. As he had spoken about it, he was quite nostalgic, with tears gleaming in his hazel eyes. Spock continued reading, "Real isn't how you are made. It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves, then you become Real."

He glanced up uncertainly to find McCoy grinning at him and T'Lyn's nod. "He is relaxing. We should continue this therapy."

McCoy stood opposite Spock, placing a hand on Jim's shoulder. "Good choice, 'The Velveteen Rabbit'. I think Jim will enjoy it, but mostly, I believe it's your voice he needs to hear. You could read from the principles of Surak and it would work."

Spock was meditating in the corner of their room. McCoy studied the monitor, noting with alarm the increased heart rate on both Kirk and the baby. His eyes flew to Kirk’s still form and discovered both hands were pressing against his gestating abdomen. 

Spock rose swiftly, joining McCoy, both overjoyed to discover Jim was talking clearly, not the unintelligible mumbling from the last few days. He ran his hands over his abdomen, asking, “How are you sweetheart?”

“Jim! You're a-awake!” His voice broke, McCoy struggling to control his emotion. He needed to be calm now.

Spock placed a palm against Kirk’s temple, his other hand grasping one of Kirk’s. “Jim.”

Kirk turned his head, no discomfort appearing with the motion. A brilliant smile crossed his face. “There you are Ashayam.” He pulled Spock’s hand down to his abdomen. “She’s happy! And more so since you are here.”

McCoy attempted to unobtrusively move to monitor Jim without disturbing them. Instead, Kirk laughed. “Bones! Oh, she kicked when I saw you. Come feel her!”

Obliging, McCoy had to work to swallow down the lump in his throat. “How are-” He stopped and cleared his throat. “How are you feeling? How is your head?”

Kirk frowned. “Fine.” His eyes puzzled as they shifted between both men at his bedside. “Maybe a little confused. Don’t have a clue why I’m here.” He patted the bed, “K’diwa, sit here. And Bones pull up a chair. I think you have a lot to tell me. You both look more exhausted than a few hours can account for.”

The doctor dragged over a chair, ignoring the monitor for the first time in over ten days. He drank in the sight of his still beaming friend. Risking a glance at Spock, he was relieved to note the severe expression was relaxed, an almost smile present as the dark eyes remained glued to Kirk’s face.

Kirk ran his hands back over his abdomen. “She is really glowing with happiness. I think I hear some laughter in there. I haven’t felt her this strong before.”

Spock opened his mouth and then closed it abruptly. Instead, he placed his palm flat on Jim’s abdomen. “She is emoting quite strongly. She has been missing you for several days.””

Kirk’s eyes opened wide. “I haven’t asked about the Enterprise!”

It was McCoy who answered dryly. “That’s a first. Ship’s fine. Uhura’s taking good care of her.”

He frowned. “Uhura’s back? What about your parents, Spock? Are they okay?” He reached for Spock’s hand. Then his frown deepened. “I remember there was a baby crying and I tried to help. Then the roof caved in?” His hands flew protectively over his abdomen. “Is Sami okay? Did I harm her?”

Spock drew a breath and unexpectedly leaned forward to draw Kirk into his embrace. “My parents are well, Jim. You had some fractures which Doctor McCoy has excellently healed. You also suffered from a concussion and have been in severe pain for the last ten days.”

Kirk rested his head on his shoulder. Then he drew back, his face twisting. “I’m sorry I put you through that. You too Bones. I should have waited to go into that house. I put Samira at risk.”

Spock’s hand touched his temple again. He said quietly, “It is who you are, T’hy’la. And due to you, both the woman and baby survived.”

McCoy watched Kirk’s face redden in embarrassment. He added, “The colonists assisted us with recovering you from the collapsed house.  And you’ll never believe who the woman is.”

Kirk sent a questioning glance at McCoy before his eyes were drawn back to Spock.

The doctor continued, “Chansolme’s daughter and new grandson. He is so grateful to you I had to put security on you to keep him from approaching you in sickbay.” He gave a laugh and then suddenly turned a threatening finger pointing at Kirk. “But don’t think I’ve forgiven you for running into that house. You’re going to have to work to make it up to me.”

Kirk gave a sigh, leaning his head against the back of his bed. Watching the eyelids flutter, McCoy smiled as he looked at Spock. He grasped Kirk’s free hand. “But for now, you need to rest. I’m going to leave you both alone for a while and report back to sickbay. You’ll probably hear the cheering from there.” He glanced at Spock. “I’ll be back to monitor through the night just to be on the safe side.”

He started to leave and felt a tug on his hand. Kirk lifted his other arm, and McCoy leaned down to allow Kirk to hug him. He ruffled the blond hair, adding gruffly, “You’re still not off the hook. Later Jimbo.”

"I'm being sent to bed without even milk and cookies, Spock!" Kirk exclaimed.

Alone, on the turbolift, Spock did not attempt to hide his smile. Placing his arm around the captain's shoulders, he drew the blond head to rest on his shoulder. "I can obtain milk and cookies if you desire."

"What I desire--" Kirk said in a low tone, lifting his head to let his eyes roam hungrily over Spock's lean body. "I've not been given medical release for."

Running his hand over the large abdomen, Spock growled low in his chest in reply. He pressed his lips against Kirk's, tongue searing the inside of his mate's mouth. "Perhaps we can compromise."

When they sensed the slowing motion of the turbolift, both men straightened. Kirk sighed at the sight of McCoy in the lift doorway. "I'm being escorted to my quarters. What more do you want, Doctor?" The captain snapped.

Observing the pinkish blush covering the fair cheeks, McCoy held up his hands in a placating motion. "Nothing Jim. Just making sure your meeting with Chansolme and Uhura went okay. It's only been two days that you've been on your feet. And you're not released--"

"To duty." Kirk marched down the corridor. He stopped, causing McCoy to plow into him. "I believe I'm adding that to your epitaph as well. You're going to have the tallest headstone in the galaxy with all the ways you manage to annoy people, especially me. 'Here lies, I don't like it McCoy. The doctor who does not believe in releasing captain's to duty'. I'm certain I can come up with more."

"Oh Jim boy. You wound me." Without waiting for an invitation, he followed Kirk and Spock into their quarters. He watched as the captain awkwardly flung himself into a chair, raising the feet, sending another glare at McCoy as he did so. The doctor continued, glancing at Spock uncertainly. "So how did it go with Chansolme and baby James?"

Kirk narrowed his eyes at the doctor but then his face softened into a smile. "He was beautiful. Wasn't he Spock?"

Standing at his side, the Vulcan held up his two fingers in the Ozh'esta.   A smile touched his lips "Yes. I held him as well as Jim. He was so small and vulnerable. It is amazing he survived his traumatic birth."

The captain couldn't resist running his hands over his own large belly. "Will Samira be that small? He only weighed a little over two kilos. Please tell me she'll be bigger."

McCoy nodded. "Actually the last measurement this morning showed her weight to already be one point eight kilos (4 lbs). And we still have three months to go."

There was a glimpse of dismay on Kirk's face but he reached out to grasp Spock's hand. "I'm already huge. Even Uhura commented on this." He gestered to his round abdomen. "I ate my breakfast this morning using Samira as my table."

"So Chansolme finally got to tell you how he felt about the events on the planet?"

Leaning his head against the back of the chair, he nodded. Spock sat in a chair close to him, their hands still linked. "He was very enthusiastic about his appreciation for saving the life of his grandson and daughter. And explained they had planned to name the baby, Roff after him, but he requested his daughter change his name to James."

Kirk flushed, shaking his head. "How many kids in the universe have been named after me, Bones? No wonder I have the reputation as a galactic stud."

Spock continued, "He also explained the Shepherd and he discovered there was a leader in one of the destroyed colonies, Akin Shakir, who confessed to working with the raiders prior to the attack. He had notified them by a hidden transmitter of the trilithium in the mountains. He states they were supposed to just come and mine the mineral but never anticipated the destruction they caused. He wanted to leave the colony but did not have resources and was trying to make credits this way."

Eyes closed, Kirk said, "We now have the identity of the raiders. Starfleet has been notified and are actively searching for them. The colonist who betrayed them will be picked up by one of Federation ships arriving soon."

McCoy was shaking his head as he walked over to the captain's side. Ignoring the huff of indignation as he started running his mediscanner, the doctor studied the readouts. "Jim, everything looks good. Mild swelling in your feet, keeping them up will help. Has she been moving much?"

Hazel eyes glinted mischievously. "She kicked plenty when I was holding James. Guess she was jealous."

McCoy rested a hand on the raised abdomen. He was rewarded with a strong kick. "Not sure how you withstand all those blows. Okay, I"m going to review these results with T'Lyn. By the looks of them, I can release you to duty and the only restrictions are the same. No more than six hours with a break inbetween.

Kirk interrupted, lifting his cup of milk. "For my milk and cookies."

Giving a laugh, the doctor continued, "You absolutely will not go to the planet. It is still chaos down there, albeit organized but still chaos. And no climbing through Jefferies tubes, in fact stay out of Engineering completely."

"Ohhh, why do you have to take away all my fun?"  Kirk lifted his hand still wrapped tightly in Spock's grip. "How about...intimate activities?"

McCoy glanced at Spock before he said, "Hanky-panky is allowed. Just not with me in here."  WIth that announcement, he left the room.

"Hanky-panky Spock?"

Spock countered, "Galactic stud, sir?"

The captain arched his back, making his stomach even more enormous. "Still want to fool around?"

Spock drew their linked hands to his lips. A tongue flicked out, licking Kirk's fingers. "Always, Ashayam." He murmered.

Kirk pulled their hands to his lips, sucking on one of Spock's fingers. A sharp inhale was the response. And then the captain was lifted from the chair into Spock's arms. "Hey, I think I'm getting too heavy for your to be carrying me around."

Holding him tightly in his arms, Spock nuzzled his neck with his nose. "We established Samira only weighs one point eight kilograms. An insubstantial weight for a Vulcan to lift." He drew in a breath and then took a second sniff. "It has been too long. I am ready to ravish your beautiful physique."

Taking the opportunity to kiss Spock, enjoying being enclosed in his arms. Jim began to kiss his way over his jaw down and pulled his head down to nibble on his ears. Suddenly they were both breathing hard, Spock gently placing him on the bed. The Vulcan helped him turn on his side before joining his mate to continue their 'hanky-panky'.

Two weeks later, McCoy conferred with T’Lyn before turning to face the surprisingly patient captain who sat on the side of a biobed, swinging his feet. The doctor ran his eyes over the relaxed form, still feeling shocked at the youthful features even after all these months. At times, it felt like he was talking to a teenager. McCoy was doubly grateful Spock was with him. The captain had admitted a month ago at the Starbase, he was planning on carrying his DNA sample just to prove he was still the same man. He laughed when he said it, but McCoy knew Kirk was frustrated by the attention he received.

“So, Bones, when can we go to the celebration on the colony? It starts in an hour.”

He gestured to T’Lyn, aware both the captain and Spock would agree to their restrictions with less resistance with her.

“We concur it is safe for you to take a shuttle to the planet and attend. We will be attending with you. Considering your ongoing issues with maintaining a balanced chemistry for both you and your child, we recommend limiting your time off the ship to two hours.”

The captain’s eyebrows rose but before he could speak, Spock touched his hand. He said, “This is agreeable.”

T’Lyn bowed her head gracefully. “I will gather supplies and meet you in the shuttlebay in thirty minutes.”

Kirk jumped down from the bed, losing his balance momentarily. Spock steadied him and Jim gestured to his protruding belly. “Still finding it difficult to adjust to how much she’s grown.”

Returning the equipment he had been using, McCoy was caught off guard when Spock said quietly, “Doctor McCoy, we have a proposal to make.”

Eyes wide, he turned back to both men. “Proposal?” He shook his head, “I have no desire to marry either one of you. What type of proposal do you mean?”

Kirk snorted. “No, nothing like that. It’s just…” His voice trailed off and he flushed unexpectedly. Sounding uncertain, he said, “We have something we want to ask you. Maybe we could talk in your office?”

Waving his hands toward his office, he picked up the last piece of scanning equipment. “I’ll be right there, let me put this away.”

He strode inside his office, watching both men fidget as he sat at his desk. “Okay, out with it. What new way have you found to torture me?”

“We’ve been talking, we think we’ll take your advice and relocate to Vulcan until we have Sami as soon as we finish the mission on this planet.” Kirk rubbed a hand over his swollen abdomen. “We think it will be safer than staying on the ship.”

McCoy leaned forward, smiling. “That is good news. I can’t tell you how relieved I will be knowing you’ll be out of danger’s way. And close to Healer’s night and day.” The doctor kept the smile plastered on his face as the news sank in that he would no longer be at their side. He was glad they were choosing this option but suddenly, he felt choked up at the thought of not being with them.

Kirk continued, uncharacteristically not watching McCoy instead looking down. “So, we were wondering, well we thought—” He broke off.

Spock took Kirk’s hand in his. “Leonard, we are requesting you consider accompanying us to Vulcan and remain. The approximate date of delivery is still at least twelve weeks away. We will understand if this is not a commitment you wish to make at this time.”

McCoy couldn’t seem to close his mouth. Then he was unable to stop from shouting, “Yes!”

The captain was on his feet, reaching out to hug McCoy. “I’m so glad. Both Spock and I wanted to have you at our side.” He stopped and buried his face in his friend’s neck. A muffled sob escaped.

At his side, Spock added a steadying hand, rubbing the narrow back. His words surprised McCoy again. “We would like to have you as our physician but also as our friend. And Samira’s Sa-kuk. You are family.”

McCoy had to fight his own reaction to this, keeping his face hidden in the blond curls.

Chapter Text

The next morning, Kirk was in sickbay, Spock at his side. “I was hoping to see Doctor McCoy.”

Doctor Bolton nodded, “Yes. It’s just he hasn’t returned from the colony since last night.”

Healer T’Lyn caught sight of them and moved swiftly to their side. “Is there a problem?”

Kirk frowned, glancing uneasily at Spock. “We’ve both been experiencing a sense of unease. Will you check Samira? And tell me about McCoy. I thought he returned last night.”

Following her to the diagnostic bed, he sat on the edge. Spock had moved to the computer. As she used the mediscanner briefly over his abdomen, Kirk could hear Spock attempting to obtain McCoy’s location.

“Your baby’s vital signs are within normal limits. Describe the symptoms in more detail.”

Spock joined them. “McCoy is not located on the ship. I have asked Commander Uhura to search using the biosign monitor on the bridge. Two ships remain in orbit assisting with efforts on the planet. Another smaller ship, the Razor, was here for one week and left during the night.”

Kirk’s hand was absently running over his stomach. With Spock's report he felt his unease flare into a red alert. “It’s McCoy. What we’re feeling. Your link with Bones. Something has happened to him.”

T’Lyn sent a sharp glance toward Spock. “You have a link with McCoy?”

Spock met her eyes evenly, “It is familial. From when he shared my Katra.”

Panic was crawling up his throat and Kirk fought to control it. “T’Lyn have someone monitor the bioscan unit in sickbay for McCoy. Who was the last person to talk with him and when?”

Spock steadied him as he stood, and he was grateful for the calm support. The Vulcan said, “I asked Commander Uhura to interview crew regarding interactions with the doctor. You and I spoke to him as we were leaving the planet on the shuttle. There was a request for his medical expertise, and he left with two colonists.”

“They weren’t colonists though. They were from a ship I think.” Kirk moved to the exit. “Let’s get to the bridge and coordinate with Uhura. First, we need to locate the ship that left if we don’t find McCoy on the planet.”

Chained to a narrow bed, McCoy held his head, wishing the nausea accompanying his headache would ease. He remembered following the two, noncommunicative men to the ship. They would not explain what medical services were needed. Once aboard, he had been hit over the head from behind and woke up here in a small room with only a bed and single light.

His communicator had been taken. But he could see his mediscanner on the floor across the room. With effort, he scooted the bed over enough to reach the device. Hearing sounds outside his door, McCoy hurriedly pushed the bed back, hiding the scanner under the mattress.

Two days later, Kirk retreated to the observation deck. His attempt to relax only resulted in his fear and anxiety increasing. He pushed up from the chair, pacing in front of the windows. Finally, Spock entered, and he swung around. “Anything?”

“The Razor was captured and towed to the Starbase. The crew was questioned, and the ship examined. There was a room where they may have held a prisoner but none of the crew admit to taking Doctor McCoy.”

Kirk frowned, attempting to control his temper. “Where the hell is he? What did they do to him?”

He saw the same frustration flaring in the brown eyes. Kirk resisted the impulse to slam a fist against the bulkhead. Samira shifted in his belly, kicking out as she sensed his disturbance. Kirk reached out for Spock, “I think I’m scaring her. Help me calm her.”

Spock drew Kirk into his arms, preparing to meld with the captain, and send reassurance to their child.

They were interrupted by the blare of the intercom. Healer T’Lyn’s voice sounded almost strident. “Captain Kirk and Captain Spock. Report to sickbay immediately.”

Kirk’s eyes leapt up to meet Spock’s. “Let’s go.”

T’Lyn was waiting in the doorway to her lab. She gestured to them to join her. “I was reviewing routine downloads from the medi-scanners. This contains scans from the colonists from several days ago. The uploads are delayed pending recent activity and location. I discovered an encrypted voice print within the upload.”

Kirk forced himself to wait, understanding T’Lyn was explaining why this was important. He watched as she played the recording. First there were several minutes of vital signs and labs reported by the computer. Then Kirk froze as he heard the unmistakable sound of McCoy’s voice. It was full of static and hard to understand. Only a few words and the sound cut off abruptly.

“What? What did he say? Could you understand it?”

Spock nodded but requested T’Lyn replay the information. Kirk felt his heart in his throat as he heard Bones’ voice again. He couldn’t keep from sending to Spock, //He’s alive! //

Spock sent a pulse of joy through their link but turned back to the recording, adjusting the input. “I distinctly understood the work Fabrini.”

Kirk jumped in, “I heard my name and something else. What did he say?”

Spock keyed the recording again, his fingers playing over the panels. This time, they heard McCoy say, “Remember the Fabrini research.  And Jim… try to be obedient. I--” They heard the click of the unit being shut down.

“Obedient? What does he mean?” He frowned at Spock. “Do you think it’s the Yonadans?” He glanced at T’Lyn. “We discovered the Fabrini research on the Yonada spaceship. They used an instrument of obedience, following the laws of their Oracle.”

Spock said, “I believe this could be guiding us to New Yonada. But the question is why do they need McCoy?”

Kirk paced across the room. “Spock, notify Commander Uhura and Lieutenant Chekov. Let’s meet in the briefing room with Healer T’Lyn. Oh, and Scotty too. We’ll review this. I’ll have Chekov investigate any connection of McCoy with the Yonadans. Why would they have abducted him?” He faced T’Lyn, his face puzzled. “How in the world did he send this?”

T’Lyn lips curled up for a moment, her eyes shining. “Most ingenious. He used the Mediscanner he took with him. They must have left it. Since there is an automatic upload of data every seventy-two hours, he created a method to include this information but not alerting his captors. Not something I would have thought to do. He so frequently downplays his intellect, but I have discovered he is quite brilliant.”

Kirk quelled a sudden swell of sadness mixed with pride in his friend. He nodded, “That he is.”

She turned to face them. “I can have communications attempt to obtain more data from this since it is corrupted. Does the fact that he addressed the captain and ordered him to be obedient have meaning?”

Spock was nodding as he grasped Kirk’s hand. Kirk said, “Yes. We’ll discuss it in our briefing. I want to be on our way to Yonada as soon as possible.” There was hope in his voice. “How far away are we from there?”

The captain felt a smile for the first time since McCoy disappeared when Spock’s reply was instantaneous. “At Warp four, seven point three days.”

T’Lyn watched over the captain carefully, concerned about the continued stress. It was day two of their trip to Yonada. Captain Scott had managed to safely increase their speed to Warp six, reducing their journey by three days.

She managed to coax him to sickbay without too much difficulty. Kirk gave her a tired grin, requesting Spock remain on the bridge to be available if needed.

“Healer, I promise I was going to seek you out. Spock has tried to ease my anxiety, so Samira doesn’t suffer any from it. But it is hard on both him and me. I am anxious to see how she is doing.”

She guided him to the examination table, allowing both Doctor Bolton and Nurse Gulbranson to settle him and start the necessary scans. After a few minutes, she rested a hand on his arm, feeling his tension through his skin. “Samira is fine, continues to gain weight. Your vital signs reflect the stress you are under. This could affect her if we allow it to continue.”

Kirk moved to run his hand over the protruding belly but stopped due to the equipment still running scans. “What can I do to reduce it? I try to remain calm, but it is impossible. You heard that Pavel discovered there was an astronomical bounty on McCoy’s head? I could understand if there was one on mine, but why Bones? He helps everyone he can. I just--”

T’Lyn placed a hand on his arm, sliding it down to grip Kirk's hand, effectively stopping the influx of rapid words. He held tight to it, telling her he needed the physical contact. She debated calling Spock but decided Jim might talk more freely of his fears now. The scans were complete. She repositioned the bed for Kirk to stand more easily. “Shall we talk in Leonard’s office or mine?”

Letting go of her hand, Kirk followed her into McCoy’s office. He drew a deep breath. “I keep telling myself we are going to get him back but it’s hard to stay positive. I’m worried about what they are doing to him. The fact that he sent that message tells me he’s in trouble. Probably physical harm.”

T’Lyn had moved to sit on the edge of the desk, avoiding the CMO’s seat. She had not missed his eyes darting to McCoy’s chair, pain in the hazel depths. “That’s an assumption. He may not be harmed.”

Kirk grunted. “I know you’ve seen your share of struggles throughout your life. But I think I can safely say, for someone to kidnap Bones, indicates their intentions are not good. He’s probably being mistreated now. And because we don’t know why, we don’t know how bad they will hurt him.”

“As you well know, one must stay focused on the objective. Not on the unknown. I am aware you are adept in this skill even though it is more problematic both because McCoy is your friend and also due to your advanced gestation creating difficulty with dealing with this in a calm physiological state.”

Kirk dropped his head, a hand rubbing over his face. “I don’t think I can cope with this.”

“Have you and Spock rested any?” She asked, keeping her tone gentle.

“We’ve tried.” Kirk gave a tight smile. “Can’t really relax.”

“You have far exceeded expectations in performing as Captain while carrying a child thirty-three week gestation. You do not give yourself enough credit.” T’Lyn said, “I have considered options to help. I would like to ask Captain Spock to join us.”

“I just asked him to come here.” The captain tapped his temple, his face tightening even more. “I assume these alternatives include drugs?”

“We can safely administer medication to help you sleep and ease the tension.”

“And how will it affect Samira?” His hand dropped protectively over his belly.”

“The benefits will outweigh the risks to her.” T’Lyn said firmly.

Spock strode in, sitting immediately beside the captain. Kirk asked bitterly, “So you’re saying we are at a point where we have to risk her life to deal with this crisis?”

T’Lyn straightened, shaking her head. “No Captain. We will not be risking her life. I promise you this.”

Spock grasped his hand. Facing T’Lyn, Spock said, “Jim has relayed to me your conversation. What options are you suggesting?”

For the next twenty-four hours, we can lightly sedate you, Captain. This will also allow Captain Spock to meditate. I believe your time has been limited in this endeavor.” She tilted her head.

She watched as Spock struggled to deny the statement of fact. He could hide this from humans, even at times from Doctor McCoy but T’Lyn could see the lines of stress and could sense the exhaustion weighing him down. “You intuition is logical.”

Kirk whipped his head around. “You told me you’ve been meditating.”

“I have, Jim. The quality has been lacking in my sessions. It is affecting me and undoubtedly you as well.”

The captain sighed, pulling Spock’s hand to rest on his belly. The hazel eyes were sad when he said, “Tell us what effect this will have on our baby.”

T’Lyn struggled to ignore the despair she felt from both of them. “She will be slightly sedated as well, not as much as you. She will rest more, and respiration and heart rate may decrease. We will of course keep a close eye on both of you.”

“Can you reverse the effects quickly if she is being harmed?” Kirk asked, his shoulders slumped wearily. It was as if pointing out the facts to the captain had taken away all of his energy.

“Yes. Or if new information is received regarding Leonard.”

She watched as the two men obviously talked through their link. Finally, Spock nodded. “We will update Commander Uhura. Please send information on the drugs you intend to use.”

Kirk accepted Spock’s assistance in regaining his feet. His voice wavered, “We understand you are trying to help Samira. Where will we do this? Here?”

She allowed a gentle smile. “If you permit me, I can set up equipment in your quarters. I think it will be more conducive to reducing stress for both of you.”

Kirk nodded and turned to the exit. Spock wrapped an arm around his shoulders. T’Lyn felt a little like an executioner due to the feelings of anxiety and sadness they were both exuding. Stopping them before the door opened, she placed a hand on Kirk’s arm, forcing him to turn and Spock with him. “I believe I have come to know Leonard well enough to acknowledge he would be proud of your decision to attempt this solution. I believe at times he worried more about both Samira and your health than you. Thank you for being receptive.”

Kirk’s eyes traveled back to the empty chair. “You may be right. Doesn’t mean I wouldn’t be cursing him about now.” His lips twitched upwards, “He will appreciate you taking on his role as the sickbay tyrant.”

Both men left the office, T’Lyn sensing their mood was slightly improved from a few minutes before. In the few months she had worked closely at McCoy’s side, she had learned there was a delicate balance between presenting facts and providing psychological support.

The recovery of McCoy was anticlimactic. The officials on New Yonada claimed they did not know about the doctor. However, the Yonada spaceship still orbited about the planet, per the inhabitants it was deserted.

Locating life signs aboard, Chekov had been able to identify McCoy’s biosigns. While Uhura kept the leaders on Yonada busy, Scotty and Spock managed to override the force field preventing them at first from beaming McCoy aboard.

Finally, Kirk breathed a sigh of relief as McCoy’s huddled form appeared on the transporter pad. Notifying Uhura on the bridge, he heard her quickly ordering all shields to maximum and their immediate retreat from this portion of space.

He felt Spock at his side, both kneeling beside McCoy. The doctor was shaking, pulling his arms tightly around his torso. Healer T’Lyn ran the mediscanner, a frown instantly appearing. “Indications of mental stress. He has evidence of physical injuries, not life threatening.”

Kirk reached out, attempting to take McCoy’s hands. “Bones. You’re safe--” He stopped when McCoy jerked his hand free, arms going up to cover his head. Kirk looked up and questioned T’Lyn.

She glanced at the stretcher beside them. “Please take him to sickbay immediately.”

It was Spock who carefully lifted the doctor to the stretcher. McCoy did not react, other than covering his head again.

Quiet. No sound. The Oracle. It will—pain. Must help Natira. McCoy kept his eyes closed, trying to hide from the hands touching him. It was hard to keep from crying out, but he knew any sound resulted in the Oracle attacking him. There were words, voices near his ear. Do not listen. Only help Natira.

Confusion welled. She is dead. He couldn’t help her, and the Oracle continued to punish him. The fiery, burning shocks in his mind swelled. Feeling a hand on his shoulder, he jerked away as the pain overwhelmed him and he fell into darkness.

“Bones!” Kirk whispered, only knowing he was causing his friend pain when he tried to reach out to him. Unable to keep the distress from his eyes, he looked up at Doctor Bolton. Her reassuring round face eased some of his agony. She smiled briefly before turning back to the monitor.

“As you know he reacts when we touch him and to loud sounds including voices. But he is stabilizing medically. I’m going to move him to our private room in the back and limit the activity. You’re welcome to stay with him.”

T’Lyn came to his side, Spock trailing behind. “Captain, while we transition Leonard to a more comfortable room, I request you allow me to--”

“Check on Samira.” Kirk forced himself to keep from reaching out to touch McCoy. He followed the healer to another biobed. Spock assisted him to sit on the side. The captain’s shoulders slumped, resting a hand over his abdomen. “She’s been quiet today. She probably misses Bones like we do.”

Spock placed his own hand over Kirk’s. “You may be correct.”

Kirk tensed as the sound of the mediscanner started. He glanced over at T’Lyn, watching her face. Though she was usually serene and reassuring, he recognized the signs of concern in her face. Actually, she seemed tired. Glancing over at Spock, he reached out taking his bondmate’s hand.

T’Lyn’s calm tone stated, “Samira is doing well. Her biometrics are all within normal limits. She may be sensing your apprehension regarding Dr. McCoy and is quieter. However, it is not affecting her negatively.”

Kirk smiled tiredly. “Healer T’Lyn, I am grateful you joined us on our Enterprise. You truly are a gift.”

The brows drew down, eyes puzzled. “A gift?”

Spock helped Kirk down from the bed. “He means you have enriched our lives and provided wise counsel.”

Kirk glanced at the doorway. “I would like to sit with McCoy. Is that acceptable?”

T’Lyn’s warm brown eyes rested on him. “We can provide a reclining chair to elevate your feet. It may provide more comfort. Also, nutrition is essential. I will request our nurse provide a nutritional drink you have called the sickbay special. Or perhaps we could provide more appetizing fare?”

The captain’s face had darkened. “Not sure I can eat much right now. But I’ll try a shake.”

T’Lyn watched as Spock kept a supportive hand under Kirk’s elbow. The captain’s plodding steps were concerning. Despite all the trials he had experienced in the last few months, Kirk usually exuded an elevated level of energy which she had never encountered with another human or any being. Dr. McCoy had shaken his head when T’Lyn had asked about this affect. He explained with exasperation it was how Kirk functioned but when he depleted his reserve, it took increasing support to help him.

“Captain Kirk,” She waited for him to turn back.  “As you know it is far too early to predict Leonard’s recovery. I have worked with him long enough and observed his strong relationship with both of you. I believe his recovery will occur and despite his inability to interact with you now, Dr. McCoy will respond. He is strong-willed, determined and opinionated. These are strengths.”

The captain surprisingly leaned his head against Spock’s shoulder for a moment. He added with a quirk of his lips. “You forgot to add obstinate and cranky.”

Spock glanced down at the top of Kirk’s head. “Healer T’Lyn, we are both concerned about you as well. I believe Dr. McCoy is in good hands with Dr. Bolton. Perhaps you would avail yourself of a rest period and nutrition as well.”

Following T’Lyn into the sickbay suite, Spock could see McCoy had curled into a protective ball on the bed, his arms covering both his eyes and ears. Dr. Bolton ordered, “Computer, reduce light to twenty percent.”

Both Kirk and Spock stood on one side of McCoy’s bed, allowing medical personnel access from the opposite side. The captain glanced briefly at the biosign monitor, understanding medically McCoy was stable. Feeling Samira moving, he rested his hand reassuringly on his abdomen.

He grimaced when Spock encouraged him to sit in the recliner placed beside them. With his bondmate’s assistance, Kirk sank into the cushions, unable to quell a sigh of relief. He didn’t miss the smile that fluttered over Spock’s face at the sound. Activating a panel, the captain relaxed into the seat as it reclined, elevating his legs. Suddenly, a wave of exhaustion flooded him, he had been unaware of how much tension he was experiencing. It seemed the simple act of encouraging him to sit was forcing his body to relax completely.  Eyes suddenly heavy, he lifted an arm, reaching for Spock.

The Vulcan grasped his hand, guiding it to rest on McCoy’s bed. Not touching but at least close enough reassure himself of the doctor’s presence. Then warm fingers brushed his hair from his forehead, and with the action, the captain slid into a cocoon of sleep.

After checking in with Uhura, Spock sat silently at a computer located across from McCoy and the captain. The doctor did not move for the next hour, keeping his hands covering his eyes and ears. Dr. Bolton monitored him, checking in without disturbing her mentor.

Spock paused his research, noting McCoy had pulled his hands down. He kept his eyes tightly closed. However, he was surprised to see one hand inch closer to Kirk’s hand resting on the bed. He found himself holding his breath when slowly the digits worked their way to curl around Kirk’s fingers.

It was not long before Kirk’s respirations increased, his eyes blinking open. A moment of confusion and then they flew to locate his hand clasped within McCoy’s.

Spock moved to his side as Kirk looked up and mouthed silently, “Look!”

Seeing a sheen of moisture in the hazel eyes, Spock caressed his still tense jaw and then rested his fingers on Kirk’s temple.

//It may not take Leonard less time to recover than we anticipated. He was restless and once he touched you, he fell back asleep. //

There was a burst of wonderment and joy through the link.

//Jim, you are depleted physically. Would you rest longer here? I believe you would benefit. //

Kirk blinked, glancing back at his hand held by McCoy. He nodded, his eyes drooping in exhaustion. Without comment, Spock gently wiped the single tear that escaped from tired eyes.

The Enterprise was on course for Vulcan, planned arrival in five days. Spock and T’Lyn entered McCoy’s quarters. The doctor was seated on his couch with Kirk at his side. He no longer covered his ears with conversation near him. Though McCoy continued to be entirely mute, he exhibited the ability to perform basic functions including bathing and dressing. He was responding more to Jim; at present he was resting his hand on Kirk’s raised abdomen.

The captain smiled at the two Vulcans. “She’s been quite active; he’s allowed me to show him her kicks.”

Spock was relieved the shadows under the hazel eyes were less. His bondmate had managed to rest both here and in their quarters.

T’Lyn pulled out her scanner, ignoring Kirk’s grimace. “You have some increased swelling in your feet and legs.”

“Explaining why I’m wearing slippers instead of my boots. I promise I was going to contact you.”

McCoy lifted his head, his face blank as his gaze roamed over both Spock and T’Lyn. Pulling his hand free, he scooted back into the cushions, wrapping his hands around his chest. Spock was relieved he did not cover his ears. His improvement was slow but continuing.

He watched Kirk fight against letting his despair envelop him. The captain asked, “What’s our ETA?”

“We will arrive in four days and twenty hours.”

Kirk’s face crumpled for a moment. “Oh Bones. Our time is running out.” He rested a hand back on McCoy’s arm, the human not reacting. Spock was relieved when he did not retreat further.

Spock straightened, his arms going being his back.

When Kirk saw his parade rest stance, he tried to hold back a sigh. “What is it, Captain Spock?”

Spock knelt swiftly beside his bondmate, resting his fingers lightly around Kirk’s wrist. “I have spoken to T’Lyn, and she indicates what I am proposing would be safe and possibly beneficial.”

Frowning, Kirk studied T’Lyn and forced himself to wait for Spock to explain.

“With McCoy’s improvement with your intervention, it is possible separating you at this time would be a negative for him. I suggest we bring Dr. McCoy with us to Vulcan. Our residence there is large and has several bedrooms.  I do recognize this may be a burden--”

Kirk rose to his feet, a sheen of moisture shining in his eyes. He moved to embrace his mate. “Yes, Spock. Yes.”

T’Lyn said, “I feel we must ensure Leonard agrees with this plan. I have observed you communicate on a limited level with him?”

Brushing the tears from his eyes, Kirk returned to McCoy’s side. He sat down, Spock noting he was careful not to let his excitement interfere with his interaction with the doctor.

 “Bones, we talked about this before you were harmed. We want you to come with us to Vulcan for the birth of our baby girl. Will you come with us?”

At first there was no response. Kirk pulled the slender fingers to rest back on his abdomen. He rested his own on top of the doctor’s before pleading. “I want to take care of you. Will you come with Spock and me to Vulcan?”

There was a solid kick under their hands as if Sami was trying to convince McCoy as well. He frowned, looking up briefly at Spock and then to Kirk. Unexpectedly, there was a glimmer of moisture in the blue eyes.

Kirk whispered, “Oh Bones. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

As he had witnessed in the last three days, McCoy turned his gaze back to Kirk, his face alert and brows drawing down in concentration. He pulled his hand free, but patted Kirk on his shoulder once. Then he walked over to his closet, rummaging in the corner.

Spock could not stop the smile that emerged when McCoy pulled out his duffle bag. He glanced at T’Lyn discovering her own lips were curved upwards. She said gently, “I consider this his agreement to our plan. I will contact the Vulcan Health Institute regarding his treatment.”  She exited the room, the smile still on her face.

Kirk gave a short laugh, remembering to keep it quiet. As McCoy turned to packing his bag with clothes, the captain rejoined Spock. He said quietly, “I really want to hug him.”

Spock pulled the captain into his arms. They both turned and watched with some amazement as McCoy began to pack his bag with slow but steady motions.

Three weeks later, they were safely ensconced in their private home located on Sarek’s estate. As Spock had stated it was spacious with four bedrooms and two rooms for offices. Spock had been able to continue his studies in diplomacy. Kirk had performed some work with Fleet Command despite the VHI healer’s recommendations for less activity. His last checkup was yesterday without any complications.

Kirk twisted in his chair, glancing over his shoulder curiously at McCoy who was uncharacteristically pacing past the large windows facing their garden. His friend moved hesitantly, stopping to touch a padd on a side table. Kirk raised his eyebrow, so far McCoy had not attempted to utilize any devices since the events on New Yonada.

He could see the tortured blue eyes as McCoy glanced at him. His face had become more expressive since arriving here on Vulcan over two weeks ago. But the pain appearing in his features was hard to watch.

“Bones?” He was pleased when McCoy turned, moving to his side. The doctor surprised him when he first studied his face intently and then reached out to pull his lower eyelid down, frowning as he did so. Kirk tensed but remained still.

Then McCoy checked his pulse using his fingers on Kirk’s wrist. The frown deepened and the doctor pressed a thumbnail against one of Kirk’s fingernails. The captain caught one of his hands, squeezing the fingers reassuringly. “I’m all right, Bones. I feel fine.”

He drew the hand to press against his very pregnant belly, pleased when Samira kicked against the doctor’s hands responsively.

There was a slight twitch to McCoy’s lips and Kirk couldn’t help the little leap of joy inside to see the almost smile there. But the anguish in the blue eyes did not diminish. Dropping to his knees, McCoy pulled up the legs of his lightweight pants, touching his legs. Kirk sighed, he knew the swelling in his legs and feet concerned both the healers and McCoy. But they didn’t feel any more swollen than his last visit to the Vulcan Health Institute yesterday.

He whispered, “I’m okay. Stop worrying. How about we go check out the garden? Spock says the Favinit is ready to bloom. I could eat one right now.”

Still frowning, Kirk took the slight nod as a win. The doctor continued to be entirely silent, but he had started to respond to questions with nods once here on Vulcan. Taking the doctor’s hand, Jim squeezed the fingers again, glancing down at their clasped fingers. Remembering vividly, the multiple times this man’s hands had managed to save a life including his own and Spock’s in the past.

“Bones, I--” He stopped, swallowing against a wave of emotion. “I am so grateful to have you in my life all these years. You are both a blessing and sometimes a torment.” Giving a quiet laugh, Kirk led his silent friend through the transparent door.

They walked through the decorative rock pathway, Kirk touching various flowers, getting the doctor to smell an aromatic flower. Finally, near the end of the garden, he laughed. “Look! It’s blooming! Think I can sneak one blossom without Spock noticing.” Kirk threw a glance at McCoy with a smile still on his face. “I’m supposed to wait another day.”

The doctor was frowning at him, his eyes focused intently on his face. For a moment all of his pain and anguish was gone, replaced by a determined inspection by the blue eyes. Kirk had seen that look too often in the past and almost expected the doctor to chew him out for some indiscretion while simultaneously ordering his staff to punish him with a multitude of tests.

Unnerved by the intensity of his expression, Kirk tried again to ease his friend’s concern. He put both hands on the doctor’s shoulders, pressing lightly and then pulling him in for a gentle hug. Again, pleased when McCoy accepted the intrusive touch and didn’t immediately withdraw, he whispered, “I’m okay. Samira is fine too.”

The doctor drew back, his hand resting briefly on Kirk’s protruding abdomen. Despite the doctor’s unusual behavior in the last few minutes, he couldn’t hide his excitement with McCoy’s actions. So far in the last half hour, the doctor had nearly smiled, given a nod in response to his question and now initiating contact with their unborn baby. Normally it was Kirk pulling his hand to touch his abdomen.

Inside their living room, the doctor practically pushed him into the reclining chair putting his feet up. A few seconds later, a packet of cold water was placed into his hands. Then the doctor disappeared.

Interesting. The light footsteps approaching his room were McCoy’s without the usual accompanying footfalls of Jim. Spock paused his program and turned to see the doctor standing in the doorway to his office. There was no attempt to communicate yet Spock could see he was anxious. “Dr. McCoy, may I assist you?”

The blue eyes flickered in the direction of their living room. The familiar pain showed in the depths of the faded eyes. Spock held back a sigh, he had hoped his friend would agree to a mind meld either from him or one of the healers. So far, the doctor had not appeared to agree with this option. With some of the improvements McCoy had made in the last two weeks, Spock was more certain a meld would be beneficial. They still had no evidence of what injury had occurred within his mind. Any attempts to obtain information from the Yonadan officials had been fruitless. They continued to deny any involvement in the abduction of the doctor.

In his discussions with Jim, they both felt a meld would perhaps clarify and help them to treat McCoy. But they also felt without an indication he agreed, it would not be attempted.

The doctor drew in a deep breath and approached him. When McCoy reached out to touch his hand, Spock was alarmed. The doctor tolerated his presence but had not touched him in any manner. Then Spock’s concern increased when he felt extreme anxiety through the light touch.  “Is Jim okay?”

Standing, he immediately turned to the door, bypassing McCoy. He discovered Jim, seated in his recliner, smiling gently at Spock. “Before you ask, I’m fine. Bones though, well he’s acting a little unusual.”

For a moment, Spock perceived an expression of exasperation on the doctor’s face. Immediately, Kirk said, “Did you see that, Spock? I swear that was his ‘annoyed’ face usually directed at me!”

“Agreed. But why?” Spock retrieved the mediscanner in the kitchen. As he ran it, Spock was aware of McCoy hovering directly behind him. “This registers everything is normal.”

McCoy studied the screen and then he moved back to touch the padd again. Frustration appeared on his features, and he actually opened his mouth as if he was going to talk. Finally, he closed his eyes, a hint of moisture showing in the corner of his eyes. Spock shared a concerned glance with Kirk.

“Leonard. Does Jim need to go to the Vulcan Health Institute?”

McCoy turned sharply and headed for their front door.

Kirk argued, “We can go in the morning. I feel fine Ashayam.”

The doctor opened the door and stared at both men. Watching him for another moment, Spock turned back to his bondmate and assisted him to his feet despite his protests.

McCoy paced again in the exam room at the VHI. He could discern the results of their preliminary examination were negative. The healer, a S’Ton, was dismissive and abrupt.

“The results from both the baby and Mr. Kirk are within normal limits. I recommend you go home tonight and speak with your assigned healer in the morning.”

The sharp burning charges were practically exploding within his mind, yet McCoy knew he had to speak. Jim was already standing, pulling his shirt down. Moving to his side, the doctor grabbed his wrist. “No.” he managed to say, the sound barely a whisper.

Both Spock and Kirk froze, their eyes wide. Spock said firmly, “Healer, I request he be monitored and more--”

Another voice intruded and McCoy recognized the healer who had been following Jim since their arrival here. “I received automatic notification Captain Kirk is here. Why have you not contacted me?”

S’Ton said, “There was no need. We ran standard tests, Healer T’Zoe. There are no abnormalities.”

He watched T’Zoe quickly scan the results. “Do a complete chemistry.”

“This is not indicated. I--”

McCoy turned back to Kirk standing at the bedside. He heard a low moan just as Kirk’s eyes suddenly rolled up in his head. Both Spock and McCoy caught him before he fell, the Vulcan lifting him back to the bed. The doctor watched in horror as Jim succumbed to a full seizure.

Suddenly the room was filled with personnel and light. Loud noises. The pain in his head escalated and the warnings from the Oracle flooded his mind. He had to be quiet. He could not--.

A gentle hand wrapped fingers around his wrist. Keeping his head down, his arms wrapped tightly around his knees where he was crouched on the floor.  Spock knelt beside him. “Jim experienced a seizure. Due to your intervention, he is rapidly recovering. Per Healer T’Zoe he believes Jim may be in the first stage of a rare Vulcan condition affecting gestating females in the last two months of pregnancy comparable to pre-eclampsia in humans. When you are better, he requests to understand how you identified he was in trouble.”

McCoy remained where he was, not moving. He felt tears again well up in his eyes. He understood the implication, Jim could have died if they had still been at home. And all because McCoy couldn’t speak clearly that he needed to see the Healer. If Spock had not followed his silent communication, they might have lost both his friend and their baby.

Spock stayed at McCoy’s side. They were still on the floor but well out of the way of the staff working on Kirk. The Vulcan had a clear view of Jim and could feel through the bond when Kirk started to awaken.

Preparing to return to his bondmate’s side to reassure him, Spock felt McCoy turn his hand over. He pulled it up to touch his own temple and then imploring blue eyes met his, a tear spilling down his cheek.

“You are requesting I meld with you?”

McCoy nodded, his eyes going to Kirk’s still form. He drew another deep breath. “For Jim.” He managed before closing his eyes against the bitter agony the effort caused.

Spock rested his hand on McCoy’s cheek, his thumb brushing the tear from his face. “As soon as Jim is home, I will meld with you.”

On strict bedrest, Kirk kept his gaze focused on the monitor. He had been home for three days and tonight, Spock and McCoy were attempting a mind meld with the goal of helping the doctor. He had tried talking them into allowing him to be close by on the sofa in the living room. But McCoy had insisted firmly though silently for him to remain in his bed.

He watched the two men settle on the floor, Spock reaching confidently to touch McCoy’s temples. At first, their expressions were similar, almost blank. After a few minutes, the doctor began to shift restlessly. When Kirk heard him cry out and then almost whimper, he pushed himself up to a sitting position.

Maneuvering with an almost nine-and-a-half-month pregnancy was harder than he had imagined. Women were truly the stronger gender for accomplishing this act throughout history. He struggled to stand, grasping the footboard to steady himself. With the motion, he felt dizzy, forcing himself to remain still momentarily despite his urgency at the continued cries from McCoy.

Spock continued to remain calm, although he raised a second hand to press against McCoy’s other temple.

Moving slowly and carefully, holding a hand under his heavy belly, the captain joined the two men in their living room. He sank to the floor without grace, waiting for his rapid breathing to slow down before reaching up to caress the side of Spock’s forehead.

McCoy paced the room Spock had created for him to retreat inside,. This left the Vulcan alone to fight off the intense attacks on his mind. He glanced around the bare room, looking for something to use as a weapon. Despite being nearly paralyzed by fear, he could no longer simply hide from the continuous destruction tearing apart his mind.

A small table sat next to a blank wall. He wondered if he could take it apart and use one of the legs to fight. McCoy stared at it, frozen for a moment as he considered. Was it possible for him to construct his own weapon? Something he could use easily.

Sounds of crackling fire and blasts shook the door. Forcing himself to ignore the sounds, he concentrated. And suddenly, on the table, a surgery laser appeared. It could be used to battle the charged arrows flooding his mind.

McCoy swung around as the doors crashed open. He stared in horror as Jim rushed inside, slamming the doors behind him.

//It’s a damned war zone out there, Bones! Have you been dealing with this the whole time? //

Studying the young man before him, even in their mind, he was heavily pregnant.    //Dammit man, do you not understand the concept of bedrest? //

Kirk’s face lit up with joy. //There’s the Bones I know and love. I’ve missed you. //

McCoy reached out, grasping his hand. Feelings of affection and delight mixed with overwhelming concern in the touch. //Jim. I can’t stay in here. Spock sent me here to be safe, but he is battling my demons alone. I have to help. //

//Yeah. I know. He was not happy with me and sent me to you. But I agree, we have to help him. Spock is slowly creating an island of peace in your mind but there are so many of these awful, charged arrows that drop fire and exploding bombs. // Kirk glanced down at the table, tilting his blond head curiously. //What is this? Can it help? //

McCoy drew in a breath, frowning. // I think so. But it’s not enough. //

//You created this with your mind, Bones? //

When he nodded, a sudden look of devilment appeared on his friend’s face. //This is my big chance. Bones, remember the light sabers from the holo’s we watched? Can you make one? I think it might work better. //

McCoy shook his head doubtfully. // I can try. //

Several seconds passed without anything happening. Kirk patted him on the shoulder reassuringly. McCoy thinking it was strange to be able to almost feel Jim’s touch despite them being in his mind.

//Bones, what happened? Why did they do this to you? //

//Natira’s second in command, used the Oracle. Inserted the instrument of obedience. She was very sick, and the Oracle had ordered them to bring me to her side to cure her. //

//But why this? //

//Natira died right after I got there. The Oracle, following the orders of this Phaedro, punished me for not helping her. They demanded silence and the punishment was worse if I attempted to communicate. //

// So, you’ve been experiencing this all along? Oh Bones. // He felt a surge of anger from Kirk at all he had endured. //I am sorry about Natira. //

Still trying to create the weapon Kirk wanted, McCoy picked up the surgery laser. //I created this because I’ve studied its design. I’ve never seen what you are talking about. //

Kirk stared at the laser and was grinning again. //This is going to sound weird, rather like science fiction. But since I’m in your mind, you’re going to let my mind show you how to build a light saber.  No, make that two light sabers. //

After a few minutes of concentration, McCoy laughed. //It feels like having the Teacher back on my head. I can do anything! //

Two light sabers appeared on the table before them. Kirk giving a delighted laugh as the weapon hummed when he swung it in front of him. A golden flame shot up as he activated it.

Together they opened the doors, McCoy gasping at the flash of heat and fire. A slender torpedo headed directly for the doctor and Kirk slashed quickly with his saber. It gave a satisfactory flash and the torpedo disappeared. As did some of the fire in front of them.

With another almost maniacal laugh, Kirk touched his arm. //Let’s go. And stay together! //

Their journey required many twists and turns. The flames lessened and the number of attacking charges. He lost track of time. Hearing a moan, McCoy turned in alarm. Kirk was on his knees. He glanced up with a determined smile. “Just ran out of energy. Help me up. Spock is near. //

 He wanted to let Jim rest but knew it was unsafe here. He lifted Kirk to his feet, calling out with his mind for Spock.

A center of calm surrounded them pushing any signs of chaos into oblivion. A silent sentinel, with a wave of his hand, Spock extinguished more of the attacking flames into the darkness. He reached out, pulling Kirk to him at first, supporting him and then grasping McCoy’s hand.

//T’hy’la, are you all right? //

//Tired. But yes. // Giving a tired grin, Kirk held up a light saber. //Bones created our weapons. //

Seeing how exhausted both Kirk and Spock were, McCoy glanced around. There were only a few stray weapons left, ones he could easily defeat with his own light saber. //It’s time for Jim to rest, Spock. In Bed, Jim. You both go. I can finish this now. //

Kirk was now resting quietly within his bondmate’s arms. Spock brushed fingers over his hair before facing McCoy. //We stay and fight together. //

Jim reached out, pulling McCoy into a three-way hug. //We go together or not at all. //

An unexpected rush of emotion overwhelmed McCoy. He knew Spock wanted to desperately get Jim to safety, but his friends were choosing to stay with him to free him. Lifting his light saber, he nodded.

Chapter Text

Sitting up with a gasp, Kirk felt sharp pain pulling in his abdomen immediately as a result of his impulsive action. Spock, at his side, supported him, encouraging him to recline back on their pillows. Running his hand lightly over the incision from only two days ago, he whispered, “Samira! I missed her two 0200 feeding!”

Spock gathered him into his arms. “Leonard is taking care of her.” He pointed at the monitor, increasing the volume.

McCoy was in the rocking chair in the living room and was giving Sami her bottle. A soft smile curved his lips. Kirk watched entranced. “He came in and took her?”

Spock nodded, his eyes on the screen. “She was just beginning to awaken. McCoy tapped on the door. Holding up her bottle, he waited for me to nod and then picked her up.”

He felt his chest tighten as he watched Bones with their baby. So gentle and conscientious as he burped her.

Since the meld with both Spock and Kirk nearly a month ago, McCoy had shown improvement, however his communication continued to be limited. He would give one-word answers. But attempting to converse created anxiety, he seemed content with listening to Spock and Kirk talking.

The doctor was utilizing the computer, advancing in his ability to work on returning to his role as CMO. It would require him to complete a series of exams and psych evaluations.

His friend no longer reacted in fear at sounds or touch. And it was the doctor’s intervention again when they were forced to return to the VHI one week before Kirk’s scheduled caesarean. Samira had been experiencing distress, and Kirk required emergency surgery two days ago.

Kirk shook his head, thinking how his friend had managed to save the life of their daughter again. He watched the screen, grateful for Spock’s supportive arm.

McCoy continued rocking Samira in his arms. Soft strains of humming drifted through the monitor.

“K’diwa! He’s singing to her! Bones is singing!” Not turning away from the monitor, he snuggled into Spock’s strong arms. Impatiently wiping a tear from his cheek, he said, “Thought I was finished with these damned emotions.”

“I believe hearing Leonard verbalizing is sufficient cause for this reaction. Even McCoy would agree.”

“Not without teasing me about it first.” Resting his head on Spock’s shoulder, Kirk felt laughter bubbling up. “Listen, T’hy’la. He’s still singing.”

Samira, two weeks old, was on her floor mat. Her eyes followed Spock’s hand as he reached out to allow her to curl her fingers around his. Kirk sat on the floor, beside Spock facing Samira, glancing fondly at his bondmate. He smiled, unable to resist running a hand down Spock’s cheek before turning to Samira with a mischievous look.

“Sami! Did you know I love you? Much more than your old Sa-mekh.”

“Jim!” Spock admonished. “She can feel my love, possibly more than yours.”

“Oh, low blow to the psi null human.”

Kirk brushed his fingers over her hair, remembering when they first saw her in the delivery room. His sense of awe had not lessened every time his eyes fell on her.

“It occurs to me there is very little of me in Sami’s appearance.” Running light fingers through her curly black hair, he pouted. “She has inherited everything from you. Her black hair, her slanted eyebrows.” He paused to gently brush the tip of a pointed ear, remembering as they both had unfurled the tips in the delivery room. He caught the edge of a gentle smile from Spock and knew he was remembering those incredible moments right after her delivery.

“Her curly hair is from you. And her mouth is yours.”

“Even those gorgeous turquoise eyes are from your grandmother.” Kirk laughed lightly and was pleased when Samira smiled at him. “Look she’s smiling.”

“She has your dimples.” Spock could not keep the awe from his voice. He turned his head to press a kiss against Kirk’s cheek before reaching out to brush a hand over one of their baby’s dimples.

McCoy joined them, dropping to the floor beside them. “Not smile, gas.” He shook his finger at Kirk. “No hanky-panky in front of Sami.”

Both Spock and Kirk stared at McCoy in surprise. Jim laughed suddenly, “The first full sentence you’ve said in months, and you chastise us for hanky-panky?”

McCoy gave a mock scowl at Kirk before turning his attention back to Samira.

“Perhaps you should clarify what is considered hanky-panky, doctor.” Spock said, unable to hide his own amusement.

The doctor scrunched up his face looking into Samira’s eyes who promptly responded with another smile. Both Spock and Kirk had their fingers resting on Samira’s hands. “Did you feel that Spock? Bones, I think she’s laughing at you.”

Unable to keep the smile from his face, he stubbornly shook his head, “Gas.”

Spock held out his hand, grasping McCoy’s fingers and placing them on top of Samira’s tiny fingers. He opened the familial link between McCoy and Samira. The frown on their friend’s face morphed into delight. “She’s laughing!”

Kirk turned his attention back to Samira. “I’d laugh too at your Sakuk Len. He’s hilarious.”

While the doctor’s attention was on their daughter, Jim turned his head, tilting his chin up to Spock who obligingly gave him a chaste kiss.

“Saw that.” McCoy admonished. “You--scar her for life.”

“Bones!”

There was a twinkle in his blue eyes, the doctor regained his feet, tapping Kirk on his shoulder. “Need help.” He gestured over his shoulder at the kitchen.

Kirk nodded. “Amanda is bringing the main dish. What do we need to do?”

“Salad. Dessert. Table.”

Trying to hide his discouragement with McCoy’s reversion to one-word answers, he was surprised and pleased when the doctor added.

“Twenty minutes. Spock, pink dress on Sami. From Lady Amanda.”

Kirk sent a glance toward Spock before following McCoy into the kitchen. Spock’s parents had arrived earlier today and were coming over for dinner.

McCoy remained in the kitchen watching as Sarek immediately approached Spock, taking Samira in his arms and cuddling her. He could swear he saw a smile on the severe Vulcan’s face.

McCoy turned to gain Kirk’s attention, knowing his friend was experiencing the same amusement he was feeling at Sarek’s overt delight upon seeing his grandchild.

Frustration bubbled up when he was unable to verbalize anything. The words were there, he could see them in his mind.  He had managed to use the Padd to relay thoughts but the process was hard. McCoy was very aware speaking confidently was necessary to function in society and especially for his role as CMO. And it was necessary for him personally.

A touch on his arm startled him and he discovered Amanda at his side. She held the main dish in her hands, and he quickly directed her to the middle of their dining table.

A sparkle lit her eyes as she gave him a hug. Whispering, “How are you, Leonard?”

At first, he could not speak but finally managed, “Fine.”

Resting a hand lightly on his arm, she glanced back at the tableau in their main living area. Sarek was rocking Samira in his arms, nodding as Kirk spoke enthusiastically at his side.

Whispering, she said, “He has been so anxious to see her. I think even more than I am.” Suddenly her hand tightened on his arm. “Ohhh, look. He’s smiling at her.”

Sarek glanced at both Amanda and McCoy, but the severe look was spoiled by the dark smiling eyes.

As they sat down to dinner, Sarek refused their offer to put her in her hovercot. “I was dismayed not to be here for her birth. I have no desire to lose any time with her now.”

Beside him Amanda reached over to touch Samira’s cheek and then her hair. “Look at her eyes! My Grandmother had turquoise eyes. So rare.”

Kirk gave a laugh that turned more into a giggle. He grimaced at Spock before continuing. The doctor knew he continued to be irritated with his youthful voice. He had even complained last week that he had hoped his higher pitched tone would develop into his deeper, more mature voice. The doctor quelled his negative thoughts that at least Jim could talk.

Kirk announced, “We have decided she is the most beautiful daughter we’ve ever seen.”

McCoy waited for Spock to calmly correct him with, ‘She is aesthetically pleasing.’ As he had done in the past few days. Remarkably, Spock did not comment.

Sarek continued to hold her carefully, not taking time to eat. He finally glanced at Amanda, his lips curving slightly. “She is quite aesthetically pleasing. Do you not agree?”

“Oh yes! I agree with Jim, she is beautiful!”

Kirk smiled proudly, “Sarek, she seems very satisfied with you holding her. I wasn’t sure how she was going to react to an unfamiliar presence.”

“It has been a long time since I have held an infant. I am pleased she appears satisfied.”

Amanda took another bite and then pushed her plate back. “Okay, I’ve finished. My turn to hold our granddaughter!” She reached out her hands, gathering Samira in her arms.

Samira grinned and began to coo. Amanda immediately responded, not quite baby talk but as if she could understand the baby.

Sarek watched, his face softening even more. He drew a breath, “I have requested all future projects requiring my presence to be cancelled until you return to the Enterprise. We will remain on Vulcan to spend time with our granddaughter.”

McCoy watched as Spock lifted an eyebrow. But it was Jim who responded, “I am delighted to hear that. We were hoping to spend time with you.”

Amanda cuddled Samira, rocking her in her arms. She glanced at McCoy by her side. “Leonard, how is your recovery progressing?”

Her gentle tone and caring eyes held his. McCoy could feel the words but had the same discouraging inability to respond. She waited patiently. “Working on computer.”

Kirk jumped in, always supportive of his friend. “He has aced a majority of the exams required for him to return as CMO. But he continues to experience limitations on his verbal communication.”

Sarek allowed Samira to grasp his finger. And then he glanced at McCoy, a smile still in his eyes. “My wife has a doctorate in language and communication and has taught classes in the past.”

Spock said quietly, unable to hide the pride in his voice. “She was also instrumental in the development of the universal translator.”

Amanda shook her head. “Gentlemen that was years ago. Before you were born my son.”

“Indeed. This is how we met.” Sarek allowed his lips to curl up in an actual smile. “Doctor, I mention this to consider sessions with Amanda. She has provided invaluable instructions to trauma victims on regaining their speech. I believe she could help.”

McCoy felt his face flush with embarrassment. “Not sure.”

Aware of his discomfort, Kirk immediately managed to transition the focus of the conversation to a discussion on diplomacy. Grateful, McCoy stood and retrieved the final dish, a bread called saffir that Vulcans and humans usually enjoyed.

After dinner, they spent time with Samira. Sarek surprised him again when he requested to provide the baby with her nighttime bottle.

McCoy listened as Amanda talked with them, her gentle eyes resting on the doctor.  He appreciated her kind support but felt his frustration growing as he seemed unable to participate in the conversation. His inability to respond with more than one-word replies was causing his anxiety to increase.

He was relieved when Jim touched his shoulder. He retrieved Samira from Sarek after she completed her bottle. Kirk then allowed Amanda to hold her briefly to tell her good night. Amanda didn’t hesitate to drop a kiss on Samira’s cheek.

 Kirk handed Sami to McCoy, “Let’s put her to bed.”

McCoy felt some of his disquiet ease as he cradled Sami in his arms. He looked up at Spock and then Kirk, managing a brief smile. He followed Jim into her bedroom.

Sami’s eyes were already drooping, telling them both she was ready for sleep. He rocked her for a few minutes, Jim remaining close. Finally, he put her down in the crib while Kirk turned on her music.

Straightening, he was grateful Jim remained by his side. He nodded, giving another mangled smile. He opened his mouth, but nothing came out.

Kirk rested a hand on his shoulder as they watched her snuggle for a moment and then drift into sleep.

Kirk said quietly, “This has been difficult for you.”

McCoy nodded and turned toward the door.

“Bones, would you allow Amanda to work with you? It might help.”

He opened his mouth and again found no words.  Hot tears brimmed in his eyes, and he blinked rapidly.  After several minutes, he whispered, “Try.”

Jim rocked Sami in his arms, reluctant to place her in the hovercot at his side. Holding her filled something in his heart he didn’t know was missing until she had arrived. He held her close, blinking away the hot moisture appearing in his eyes. Jim whispered, “I love you, Sami.”

Finally, he gently placed her in the cot, deciding to rejoin Bones and Amanda both who were working in the kitchen. With only three meetings so far, his friend had made some improvement, able to speak sentences but so far did not initiate conversations. Amanda remained optimistic and encouraging.

Unexpectedly, as he neared the doorway, his friend’s tone changed. Words came more rapid fire with an intensity that had been missing for the last few months. It reminded Kirk of times when McCoy was in sickbay, calling staccato orders to the staff.

Curious, he edged closer, seeing McCoy was on his feet. Without hesitation, the doctor said, “Amanda, repeat that last word again. Encephalopathy.”

She repeated it with a questioning smile. “Encepalothy.” She reached out to touch his hand. “Leonard, what’s wrong? You seem upset.”

McCoy ignored her, snapping over his shoulder. “Captain, bring me my medikit, it’s next to Samira’s bag.”

Bemused, Kirk retrieved the bag. There must have been a breakthrough for him to speak so rapidly with his recent hesitancy.

The doctor plucked the mediscanner out of Kirk’s hand. He immediately waved the device over Amanda. He palmed a panel and then shifted to shine a light in her eyes, frowning.

Concerned, Kirk took a moment to glance at the hovercot as his side, ensuring his daughter was sleeping peacefully.

McCoy was shaking his head. He snapped, “Jim, get the aircar ready. We need to get Amanda to the Health Institute immediately.”  Turning back to Amanda, he managed a smile, “I want to make sure you’re okay. You’re exhibiting some signs that we need to act quickly to prevent harm from coming from you.”

Amanda caught his hand, “Leonard, I feel fine.”

Kirk watched McCoy transition into the kind physician persona he used when needing to reassure his patient. Smiling, he said, “You’re probably right, but I don’t want to take a chance.”

Spock, with Sarek in tow, headed quickly to his mother’s room. Jim had reached out through their link and supplied him with a brief summary of the events. Despite the reassuring emanations, he did not miss the undercurrent of concern.

Nearing the room, Spock nearly stumbled as he heard Doctor McCoy talking with three Healers in the corridor. His tone and words were reminiscent of multiple times Spock had heard him discussing a case. There was no hesitation, his professional bearing overriding the Vulcan objections. He could see immediately the Healers around McCoy were displaying irritation and condescension toward the Doctor.

Sarek moved ahead of him, slipping into the room. Spock took another step to the doorway, relieved when Jim appeared and beckoned him to enter. He swiftly located Samira in their hovercot, peacefully asleep. He felt some of his tension ease just seeing his daughter. Spock was constantly astonished at the depth of his love for her.  When she was born, the love he felt was unmatched and Spock had felt tears brimming in his eyes. One brush of his fingertips to his bondmate told him Jim felt the same.

Kirk whispered, “Bones is trying to convince them to do a special test of her brain. They have already completed some scans, but he feels they are missing something. The jest of it is he is very concerned there is a leak in an artery in the brain and may progress without warning.”

A new voice arrived, one Spock was familiar with, Healer Sokul, Chief of Neurosurgery.  The other healers immediately bowed, turning their attention to him with deference. A young healer spoke rapidly, “We have provided preliminary scans of the subject’s brain and no anomaly—”

 Sokul interrupted, his tone cold. “You will perform the procedure Honored McCoy is requesting at once. Prepare emergency surgery. I expect a full report after the events to ensure each of you understand your error in not listening to a physician renowned across the galaxy for his repeated ability to save people’s lives.”

Once the healers had scurried away to follow his instructions, Sokul turned to the doctor and bowed slightly. “Greetings, Honored McCoy. Be assured, I will ensure they understand the offense they have created.” Glancing at Spock and Kirk, he said quietly, “Shall we review the expected procedures to Amanda and her family?”

McCoy nodded, following Sokul. His bearing remained professional and confident. Spock shared a look with Jim as they brushed their fingers together.

//He hasn’t hesitated once since I contacted you earlier. Though I’m worried about Amanda, I’ve been amazed. It’s like he was before.//

Just as McCoy finished explaining, staff were arriving, preparing to take Amanda on her bed from the room. Spock came to her side, leaning down to kiss her on the cheek. She smiled brightly at him, nodding without speaking. Sarek on the other side, reached out to caress her chin before pressing his fingertips to her temple. She reached up to grasp his hand, and then gestured to Kirk. “You too, my son.”

He quickly joined Spock and gave her a quick kiss as well. She whispered, “Take care of our granddaughter.”

Then she was gone. Sarek remained motionless until he could no longer see her bed and then straightened. He glanced around the room, his eyes lighting on the carrier where Samira had been sleeping.

Spock watched as Jim approached McCoy, drawing him into a brief hug. “You all right?”

McCoy nodded. He met Spock’s eyes, before saying, “Yes, I am. For the first time in a long time.”

Kirk seemed to sense his friend’s exhaustion and urged the doctor into a chair. Sarek approached them, surprisingly offering Samira to McCoy. “I with to offer my gratitude for your intervention. I am aware you may have save her life.”

McCoy cuddled Sami to his chest, giving a nod to Sarek. Samira reached up to touch his cheek. She babbled something and making McCoy laugh. “Did you hear that? She called me ‘Kuk ones’?”

Seeing tension ease in McCoy’s face, Kirk grinned widely. “She called you a kook?”

“No!” McCoy exclaimed. “Sakuk Bones! She called me Uncle.”

Spock felt both Kirk’s amusement along with exasperation. “Her first words are for you?”

Bouncing her in his arms, McCoy huffed a laugh. “Well she calls you Papa and Samekh in your head but I guess since I can’t hear her, she had to resort to different measures.”

McCoy shook his head and began to hum to her, then suddenly sang the words to an old childhood song. Samira giggled, repeating her previous words, “Kuk, ones.”

“That’s right, princess.”

In the next few hours, the three men took turns entertaining Samira. Sarek claimed the right to provide her bottle. Once she was fed, burped and changed, Sarek glanced at Kirk, his lips quirked in a slight smile. “Perhaps, my son, we could continue our discussion on diplomatic outcomes in relation to your mission on Eminiar VII. I will be interested in James’ input on the events.”

Spock could feel Kirk’s amusement and was relieved. The captain had been questioned many times over the years. Yet he seemed to relish discussing this with Sarek. And to prove his point their conversation was lively and entertaining. Even the doctor threw in a enlightening point every so often.

Sokul returned explaining the surgery was completed and successful. The team had located the microscopic tear, which would have continued to worsen with symptoms that would have been difficult to identify.

“Dr. McCoy, if you will, clarify exactly what alerted you to a problem?”

McCoy glanced back at Kirk, pleased when both Spock and Kirk moved to his side. With the solid support, he felt his confidence returning. “There were a couple of words that she dropped a syllable in pronouncing. Then I detected a very slight nystagmus in her left eye.”

Sokul nodded gravely. He faced Ambassador Sarek who was currently holding Samira, his finger caught in her grip. “Ambassador, I fear this may have been undetected for several days to weeks and would have resulted in permanent damage to her mental functioning. I am grateful McCoy was available to insist on treating her immediately.” He gestured to the door. “She will be remain Intensive Care for twenty-four hours.” He glanced at Kirk and Spock. “You may see her for five minutes but then I recommend you return in the morning. Ambassador Sarek, you may stay with your bondmate.”

They followed him to her room, Kirk waiting outside cradling Samira in his arms. He felt Spock’s reaction to seeing Amanda’s appearance, fragile and pale. While he soothed Samira who was fussing quietly in his arms, he sent a pulse of love and support through their bond.

McCoy and Sokul retreated into the antechamber. “Jim, I plan to stay here tonight just to be close by if needed.”

Kirk nodded, pleased with Sokul added his support. “Your presence will be welcome.” He faced all three men, “I am certain she will rest through the rest of the night.”

Spock bowed his head, “I thank thee, Honored Sokul for your intervention.”

Sokul was tall, forcing both Kirk and McCoy to look up when addressing him. Jim decided his eyes were kind and more importantly, filled with wisdom. His next words proved this thought.

“Honored McCoy. I have desired to request your assistance for some time. I value your diagnostic skills and indepth knowledge level. I believe our adepts preparing to advance to their final level in the next month would benefit from a lecture by you.”

McCoy’s eyes widened and Kirk could see the flash of panic. Quickly placing a hand on his friend’s shoulder, Jim felt him relax slightly.

With a quick bow of his head, McCoy said quietly, “The subject of the lecture?”

“It would be of your choosing of course. I am anticipating you discussing the element of intuition required for scientific research. Also, you have recently presented two papers of controversial topics I believe would interest the students.”

When the doctor hesitated, Sokul stepped back. “I would enjoy working with you on this project. I am aware your time is limited, your return to your ship is soon?”

Spock provided, “Expectation of debarkation is thirty-eight Earth Solar days.”

Sokul returned to Amanda’s room. McCoy shifted stunned blue eyes to meet Kirk’s in puzzlement. It was Spock who surprised them both. “I believe this would be a most valuable lecture and may change the future of their instructions. Their patients will benefit from your expertise.”

At the raised eyebrow aimed his way, McCoy shook his head, a smile tugging at his lips. “You know Jim says you say nice things about me behind my back. I think I prefer it that way.” He reached out to run a hand down Samira’s cheek who was now sleeping peacefully in Jim’s arms. Stepping back, he gestured, “Go on home, get her to bed. Take time for some hanky-panky. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

McCoy carried another crate from his bedroom to add to the growing pile of luggage they were beaming up to the Enterprise. He stopped to watch Kirk bouncing Samira in his arms. She was reaching for bubbles that were blowing across the porch from a machine.They were both smiling, Sami babbling happily. McCoy was relieved to see Jim appearing relaxed.

As their time of departure had approached, the captain had become increasingly solemn and taciturn. But now, he laughed as he swung Samira up in his arms and then placed her in the swing located on their porch. She gave a shriek as he tickled her before pushing the swing gently.

A sound caught McCoy’s attention. “Hey Jim, your com is ringing.”

Kirk grimaced but nodded. Spock appeared, joining him, kneeling at Samira’s side. McCoy didn’t miss the quick joining of their hands as the captain moved purposefully to answer the com in his office.

McCoy returned to his bedroom, gathering the last few items in a suitcase, leaving only clothing needed for the morning for their departure. He nearly missed the message T’Lyn had apparently sent just now. She had been keeping him updated on both the sickbay and ship news.

He decided to complete his packing and then review the message. Returning to the living room, McCoy could see Jim gesturing.  Spock was listening at his side. He could not hear them at first until he approached the screen and then heard the frustrated tones of his friend.

He glanced at Samira and was shocked at the expression on her face. She was in distress, her chin quivering.

McCoy moved immediately to lift her from the swing just as she gave a short cry. Both Spock and Kirk froze, turning sharply.

“Sami? What’s wrong?” Kirk said, his face dismayed when she pulled away from his touch, burying her face in McCoy’s shirt.

Spock reached out to touch her temple but received the same withdrawal. “Kanbu, we are here.”

McCoy continued to cuddle her as she clutched his shirt. She gave another quiet sob, and he rocked her.  “I think whatever you were discussing has scared her. Proving once again how empathic she is. Let me calm her down while you both finish your ‘discussion’.

He forced himself to ignore both parents pale faces. Actually, none of them had ever experienced her crying and this was a shock. She so far had remained calm and happy, smiling and laughing frequently. Her ability to communicate her needs empathically ensured she was never hungry or in discomfort.

McCoy moved into their kitchen, distracting her first with her favorite toy. Continuing to cuddle her, he set out a dish of fruit yogurt for her lunch. She glanced anxiously back at her parents but then eyed the bottle of formula he set in front of her.

He didn’t miss her glancing at the pile of luggage, her eyebrows coming down in a frown. McCoy tried to reassure her, finally resorting to singing a nonsense song which resulted in the tiny cupid face breaking into a smile.  She reached up and patted his cheek, accepting the spoonful of yogurt he was giving her.

Only a few minutes later, both Spock and Kirk rejoined them. She studied them uncertainly, hiding her face back in McCoy’s chest as Jim tried to kiss her cheek. Spock reached again to caress her temple.

“Sami. We weren’t upset with you and didn’t mean to frighten you.”

Spock rested his fingers against Kirk’s extended ones and together they touched her temple. A smile broke through the stormy expression and McCoy was pleased to see her dimples light up the cherubic face. 

Mischievously, a chubby hand grabbed Jims’s hand and pulled his finger to promptly chew on it. She grinned again when her papa cried out in mock alarm. “Hey, you’re biting me! Your tooth hurts.”

Bouncing her slightly on his knee, McCoy was relieved when she reached out to Jim, and he took her in his arms. She cuddled against him babbling happily when Spock joined them in a family embrace.

They finished feeding her lunch and bottle, Spock rocking her to sleep for the afternoon nap. Once she was down, all three men retreated back to the garden, ensuring they could see her monitor.

Kirk felt his cheeks flush with embarrassment as he faced both men. “I can’t believe I forgot how empathic she is. She was really upset, and I didn’t notice. When she cried out, I think my heart stopped.”

McCoy was studying them both. “I don’t think she’s ever heard you argue.”

“We were not arguing Leonard. We were—”

“Either way, it was a good example of how you will need to be careful on board the Enterprise. You should ensure any serious ‘discussions’ occur outside your quarters, and you must shield against her feeling your anger.”

Kirk turned to glance toward the baby monitor, watching her as she slept undisturbed. “Another reason to support my concerns.” 

McCoy swung around impatiently. “Concerns? Is this about the call you received?”

Taking a deep breath, Kirk forced himself to meet Spock’s eyes evenly. The calm support and lack of judgement helped him to turn back to McCoy. “In a way, yes. I’ve been concerned that it is too dangerous to take Samira aboard the Enterprise right now. I was considering waiting longer. With the information I just received-” He tightened his lips, finding it was difficult to continue.

Spock rested his hand on Kirk’s wrist. “Pirates attempted to subvert some of the crew on the Enterprise in an attempt to leave the ship open to attack. They had inserted ten crewmen amongst our crew in the last six months. Per Jim’s request, we had six of them under surveillance due to previously identified concerns about their performance.”

“But I didn’t anticipate they were going to harm our crew or take over the ship!” Kirk snapped bitterly. “We just weren’t sure they were a fit for our crew.”

“What happened? Was anyone hurt?”

“Yes and no. A Yeoman Rebecca Cross took one of our kids’ captive, Cody.”

McCoy stared at them both in horror. “Oh my god! Cross was in my department. Is Cody all right?”

Kirk drew a breath. “She held him at knifepoint in sickbay with a list of demands. If it wasn’t for Chekov’s ensuring the older kids understood security hand signals it could have been worse. Following his hand signal, Cody pretended to faint, and she was subdued quickly by T’Lyn.”

McCoy sank down in a chair, his face white. “The crew? The kids, okay?”

Spock nodded. “Chekov and the department heads were able to capture the renegades. The ship attempting to attack was disabled as well.”

Hands on his slender hips, Kirk paced a few feet before swinging around. “I’ve grown increasingly concerned about our ability to keep Samira safe on board. This just proves my point. How many times have we faced situations that have ended in disaster?”

He caught Spock’s quick glance to the monitor and checked it himself. Samira was sleeping peacefully.

McCoy glanced at the screen and then frowned at Kirk. “You’ve ensured the crew and families are as safe as possible. The fact that you can separate the saucer section is an incredible advantage. You know as well as I that we cannot protect her from all dangers, even if you stay here on Vulcan. The only way to protect her that way is to wrap her in a safety force field constantly.”

Kirk stared at McCoy. “I’ve thought about it.”

Spock joined him. “Jim that action would cause harm as well to her emotional well-being.”

His anger escalating, Jim couldn’t keep from jerking away from Spock as he sent a pulse of calm through their link. Breathing heavily, he fought against sudden unwanted tears. “I can’t do this. They held a knife to Cody’s throat! He could have been killed!” He knew his voice was rising but he couldn’t seem to stop his runaway emotions. “And we want to dance back on board the Enterprise with our three-month-old daughter like we can protect her?”

Pacing away from both men, he couldn’t keep his voice from breaking. “You died, Spock. Giving your life for the ship. And then I destroyed the ship. How would she have been safe then?”

Spock’s calm tone sent his spiraling emotions further. “Jim. We were in space for over fifteen years before either of those events. Yes, it’s a possibility however the—”

He knew what was coming and stopped Spock by slicing his hand down. Shaking his head hard, he said, “Don’t quote the fucking odds to me. They’re just numbers. It could happen.”

McCoy was frowning at him.  “You need to slow down. Breathe.”

“Breathe?” Kirk couldn’t stop the angry tone. “That’s your advice to discussing how to keep Samira safe? Don’t you understand?”

He could feel Spock pushing at his barriers, and he slammed his shields down. His bondmate suddenly moved into his path, blocking his pacing. It drove his anger up another notch. Giving a strangled yell, he shoved past Spock and headed up the path leading out of the garden. The rage he was feeling forced him to ignore both Spock and McCoy and head out into the desert behind their house.

McCoy turned to Spock who was already striding after the captain. He stopped him with a hand on his arm. “Let me go. He’s confused and scared.”

“He is terrified. Perhaps he is right, now is not the time to go.”

McCoy drew in a breath, meeting the baffled brown eyes as they turned from tracking Jim to face him. “Let me talk to him.”

Within seconds, McCoy was trailing after Kirk, carrying packets of water for the both of them and a hat on his head and one in his hand, courtesy of Spock. With the captain’s head start, he could barely see Jim moving in brisk strides. Trudging along at a slower pace, it took McCoy nearly twenty minutes to catch up to him and only because the captain stopped to lean on a rock. Behind him, the mountains of Vulcan’s Forge rose majestically into the sky.

“I really don’t want to talk right now, Spock!”

McCoy snorted, causing Jim to turn quickly. “Put on this stupid hat he made me carry. And here’s some water.”

Still breathing fast and hard, Kirk jerked the water pouch from his fingers. Into the silence, he finally said, “I’ve been afraid before when fighting Klingons or the Gorn or--” He gestured back at the house. “But I’ve never felt as terrified as now when I realize the danger I’m putting Sami in. I can’t do it!”

McCoy drew in a breath. “And that makes you feel out of control?

Kirk gestured at the sky, suddenly unleashing an earsplitting roar. He turned away from McCoy, walking rapidly away from him. The doctor took a few swallows from his own pouch and then gathered up the hat Kirk had ignored started after him.

After another thirty minutes, he didn’t realize when Kirk had slowed down. As he drew even with his friend, he was surprised to hear a shaking question. “How can I return to the Enterprise knowing I can lose control like that especially when Samira is concerned?”

“It won’t happen. This is a little due to your physical change nearly a year and your younger brain was learning how to deal with frustration and rage.

“Don’t give me that! I haven’t lost it for several months. Why now? And why won’t it happen on the Enterprise?”

Remember I explained about the Lymbic brain still developing? The Nucleus Accumbus is why teenagers are so unpredictable and at times can perform genius maneuvers. You are nearing the end of the development. I had planned to repeat the specific scan once on board to review your progress.

“Jim, you’ve never been a parent before. It changes something in you. You become more protective. And since you are usually in control of everything on the ship, it is unsettling to think you might not be in control of potential dangers to Samira.”

“You’re saying you experienced this?”

They neared another outcropping of rocks. McCoy sat down, handing Jim his water. He took a drink and then nodded at Kirk. “Yeah. I was furious when Joanna hit her head on the playground causing a little bump. I blew up at Jocelyn. Even though it was my fault.”

Kirk leaned against the rock, swiping the sweat from his face with his shirt. “So.  I have the feeling there is more to this story.”

“Just know, no matter how careful you are, accidents will happen. Here on Vulcan, on Earth and on the Enterprise.  When Joanna was three years old, we took her to that same playground. Jocelyn was right there beside her and she fell out of the swing. She couldn’t catch her, and she broke her leg.” McCoy shook his head. I think that was the start of our disagreements on how to raise a child and part of the reason for our divorce.”

Kirk’s mouth twitched. Silently, he took the hat from McCoy, placing it on his head. Swallowing more of the water, Kirk shook his head. “So, your advice to me is it gets worse and can end in divorce?”

“Not exactly. But I will admit to going out in the backyard and screaming into the countryside. It helped sometimes. And guess what? Despite our best efforts, Joanna turned out pretty good!”

Kirk reached out to touch McCoy’s arm. “Is she agreeing to join us from Space Station Four? I know you talked with her but when you didn’t say anything I was afraid to hope.”

“She’s coming aboard and may stay in the medical department if you’re nice to her.”

Kirk drew a breath, a smile crossing his face. He stood, swinging around to face McCoy. And drew him into a hug. “You’re saying this is normal and it will get worse and not better?”

McCoy patted him on the back, “Let’s go back, I’m boiling out here.”

Unexpectedly, the doctor caught sight of a colorful flap of material over the edge of the gorge. Frowning, he moved closer. “What was that?”

Kirk swung around and followed him. Finally catching sight of a large wind, he laughed. “It’s a thermal wing glider. The Vulcans have turned this into what they explain is an artform. But I think they are just having fun.”

McCoy edged closer, sighting a Vulcan with his arms encased in brightly colored wings. He flew up out of the gorge and then plunged downward at a dizzying rate of speed. “That looks extremely dangerous. How far down is it?”

Kirk chuckled again, watching the wing glider perform a flip as he soared out of sight. “Well, if one was to lose control, you would not survive the fall. But there have been no deaths here. There’s this device in their goggles that feeds you constantly with wind speed and direction. The thermals are unpredictable, so you have to pay close attention—” The captain broke off and McCoy turned around just in time to catch his friends face blush. Kirk turned away, trying to hide it.

“Jim Kirk!” Putting his hands on his hips, McCoy snapped, “Don’t tell me you did this? When?”

Kirk was shaking his head, but his face turned a brighter pink. He turned back to their resting space, grabbing a drink of water.

“Not helping Jim. Is that where you and Spock went last week? Tell me Spock was too smart to do this.”

Kirk choked on his water. “He said he had always wanted to try it but was strongly discouraged in his younger years.”

McCoy grunted in disgust. “So, he decided to try it with you.”  Suddenly a reluctant smile quirked his lips. “You realize you cannot tell a lie right now; your face gives you away. I remember the first time I saw you blush like that when you were twenty-two.”

Kirk frowned. “When we first met? I did not blush.”

“Oh yeah? You were weak as a kitten, and we put you in a whirlpool bath to aid in your physical therapy. Remember the Deltan nurse who came to assist you? I’ve never seen a blush so vivid. You pale skin and almost reddish blond hair set you up.”

“I was naked!” Kirk gave a strangled laugh.

Changing Samira’s diaper, Spock gathered her up in his arms. He smiled down at their baby, allowing her to grab his finger.

The relief he felt was like a breath of cool air when Jim lowered his barriers. //We’re headed back. Maybe fifteen minutes. Sami okay?//

//Yes. How are you, Ashaya?//

//Well, Bones has reminded me of my twenty-four-year-old brain engrams causing my recent loss of control. My argument that I never had this teen-age tantrum at that age didn’t get me anywhere.//

Carrying Samira to their living room, he glanced through the doorway but he was unable to locate his bondmate or Leonard. //I have been considering options. We can delay our return. I will need to join them for the diplomatic mission I agreed to take for Treastin Three. I can--//

//Sweetheart let’s talk when we get there. Oh, and Bones says to have a pitcher of cold juice ready. //

On the patio, Kirk immediately closed the distance between them. Reaching out to tickle Sami, he gave a mischievous grin Spock’s way. “We’ve decided while on board, she will be in a spacesuit at all times and possibly a portable defense grid.”

Spock blinked. “I have an alternative. We can delay our transfer to the Enterprise. I will have to join them for the next mission as a diplomat which is required. But you can remain here.”

Dropping onto a bench, Kirk held out his arms. Cuddling his daughter in his arms he grimaced at Spock. “I’m sorry about earlier. Bones keeps reminding me that my teenage brain is still controlling me at times.”

Repressing a smile, Spock said quietly, “I did not know you at that age, I cannot conceive of you ‘throwing a temper tantrum’ as McCoy accuses you.”

Kirk threw him a glance but turned back to focus on Samira. “Did you hear that? Your father accusing me of temper tantrums. The only one allowed to do that here is you, princess.”

Sami babbled nonsensical sounds, giving a laugh when he tickled her gently. He hugged her before turning back to both Spock and McCoy. “Thank you for offering to delay our transfer. However, it doesn’t change anything. Samira will be as safe tomorrow as she would be if we waited a few more weeks.” He drew a breath.  “The call from Uhura really shook me. Cody. Thank the gods he’s safe.”

McCoy knelt down beside them, allowing Samira to reach out and grab his nose. He looked up at Kirk and then Spock. “It’s a go? We’re leaving tomorrow?”

Kirk gave him a quizzical glance. “I never expected you to be pushing to return to space.”

“Well, I am anxious to prove I’m ready to resume my position as CMO. But what I really need is your help when we get there.”

“Our help, Bones? I owe you a dozen favors. What is it?

 The doctor gestured at both Spock and the Captain. “Well, I need help on how to court a Vulcan.”

Both Kirk and Spock stared at McCoy, the Captain’s mouth open in shock. Then he grinned and pulled his friend into a hug.  He pulled back laughing. “What do you say K’diwa, shall we give him advice on hanky-panky with a Vulcan?”