Chapter Text
The wooden frame of the bed gently hits the wall.
It’s a soft, repetitive thump that drives him insane, reminding him of every conversation they’ve had—a civil yet ineffective way of dealing with most problems, he thinks.
The heels of his feet dig into Yuuta’s lower back, a simple gesture that begs for something more, something he knows he can’t handle. But being deprived under the pretense that he simply can’t handle it is inconsiderate.
Every thrust feels like an itch he can’t fully scratch; the only one who can bring him relief entirely unwilling.
“Shake.” Harder.
He moans his request into his ear, hoping by some miracle that it’ll be met. But all Yuuta does is press his lips against his neck, soothing his demand with that same tenderness he always gives and Toge knows immediately, almost whimpering at his own delusions.
“Shake, shake.” Harder. Please.
The kiss on his neck turns into a bite, his teeth sinking down but barely enough to break skin. It’s the most he can get from begging, the farthest he’s ever gotten actually.
Yet, it’s still not enough, will never be enough. Not when his attraction to Yuuta runs so deeply it manifests into a physical ache that longs for the most immoral of touches.
The time that he was away, puberty had run its course and did its job a little too well. Instead of seeing each other eye to eye, he has to tilt his head up now to see his face. The hand he would give a high-five to after every mission is now almost twice his size. The shoulder that would bump against him in between laughs is now out of reach and so much more broad, so much more muscular.
Every part of Yuuta has grown while Toge stayed the same, as if the universe itself intended to have them fit perfectly together.
It’s why his frustration simmers, but never really boils over.
He wants Yuuta to use what the universe has gifted him. He wants him to use his size and strength to manhandle him, to throw him down on the bed and wrap his large hand around his throat and shove himself inside like he owns Toge, without remorse, and fuck him until the only thing his brain knows is Yuuta.
But Yuuta is soft and gentle. In everything that he does, there’s a certain cautious nature to it, as if he doesn’t want to disrupt the mere existence of everything around him. There are exceptions—curses and even some sorcerers that he doesn’t deem worthy of his kindness.
And Toge understands, knows he’s isolating that darkness for the ones that deserve it.
But sometimes, within moments like these where he’s so deeply inside him it feels like his tip is about to protrude out his lower stomach, he doesn’t understand it. Doesn’t want to. It’s a slap to the face of what he could potentially get, if only Yuuta was more willing to share that darkness with him.
He’s not though, probably never will be. It’s about now when Toge gives in, setting aside his sulking and whining and finally reaching the last stage of his little ordeal where he just accepts it as it is.
He wraps his arms around Yuuta’s neck a little tighter, presses his thighs against Yuuta’s waist a little harder, bringing him in closer, close enough they could practically melt together, because despite his annoyance and all his complaining, his boyfriend still turns him on more than he’d like to admit.
“Yuuta.”
The soft, repetitive thump of the wooden frame gently hitting the wall doesn’t drive him insane anymore, too absorbed in the lust consuming him to be reminded of his actual desires. And as Yuuta picks up the pace, enamored in the moment of hearing his lover moan his name, the room is filled with soft, hurried breaths and rhythmic slaps that soon die out.
Toge bites his lip, the sensation of Yuuta filling him up never failing to make him feel intoxicated with lust. It’s like a temporary fix, a flimsy bandaid over a deep cut, and once the feeling passes, he’s back to his grumpy mood.
Yuuta slumps his entire body over him, peppering him with the most sugary kisses yet Toge couldn’t have less of a sweet tooth right now.
“Okaka,” he says, a lame excuse. You’re heavy.
“I’m barely putting my weight on you.”
He can hear the smile in his voice. It’s so genuine, it’s kindness pulling on his heart strings and almost making him feel guilty for pushing against his chest.
“Alright, alright, I’m getting off.”
The warmth between them dissipates and he regrets it instantly. Yuuta’s still within reach, a quick pull on his arm and he can have that comfort back.
He’s not the type to be fond of the cold, but his irritation and ego are stronger. He lets him go, allows him to clean him up while he lays there, rummaging through hypothetical arguments and scenarios in the meantime.
Yuuta finishes up, discarding the dirty cloth in the laundry basket and getting into bed. He talks freely, running that cute mouth of his while the conversation is entirely one-sided, rather oblivious to Toge’s quiet anger.
After a few minutes though, he picks up on it.
“Are you okay?” he asks, slipping an arm around his waist.
Toge holds back a sigh. His expectations are nonexistent yet he knows he’ll still be disappointed.
“Shake.” I’m fine.
“You sound upset.” Toge ignores him, promptly answering his own question. “You’re upset.”
“Okaka,” he mutters. No I’m not. Goodnight.
He turns over on his side, the grip on his waist surprisingly kind as it eases, allowing him to turn away. Toge makes himself comfortable, fluffing the pillow for dramatics.
“Yes, you are,” he says, his voice laced with worry. “What’s wrong? I can’t fix it if you won’t tell me what it is.”
He wonders why he even puts up a fight. Trying to convince Yuuta when he’s purposefully putting his temper on display is a bit childish.
“Tsuna.” You already know what it is.
The small hint is met with silence, then with a light exhale, almost inaudible if he wasn't so close.
“Is this about me being boring in bed?”
If he wasn’t so angry, he would've laughed.
“Shake,” he’s quick to say. I wouldn’t word it so harshly.
“It’s not harsh, it’s the truth,” he says plainly, a deeper breath escaping him. “I understand though. I’m being unfair.”
Toge frowns. “Tako?” If you know you’re being unfair, then why aren’t you trying to fix it?”
He throws his words right back, coaxing him with his own hypocrisy.
“It’s complicated, you know this already.”
“Risu.” You’ve never given me a real reason.
Yuuta’s sigh is patient, like it always is with Toge.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” he starts, and it takes everything in Toge to not roll his eyes. “I know what you want, you’ve told me before. It’s just…I’m not someone who should act on it."
He huffs, barely considering that a real reason either.
“Shake.” I'm strong, I can handle it.
“I know you’re strong. You’re very strong. But I don't want to be the one testing your limits.”
No matter how he words it, coaxing him into stating his reasoning or convincing him to be rougher with him, Yuuta always manages to skirt around both.
“Risu.” Whatever.
He closes his eyes, snuggling his face deeper into the pillow.
“Don't go to sleep mad at me, okay?”
Toge doesn't answer him but he still receives a kiss on the cheek, Yuuta pulling him in closer and burying his face into the platinum fluff of his boyfriend’s hair.
He swirls his coffee, fond of the sound of ice clacking against each other. It gives him momentary happiness, a distraction from the source of his anger.
“You know I can just go and tell them to make you a new one right? Instead of sitting there and pouting?”
Though it’s apparently not enough to hide his outward appearance.
“Okaka.” It’s fine.
Maki looks at him, trying to persuade him into letting her complain but he doesn’t want to tell her that there’s nothing wrong with his drink. Actually, the barista made it perfect, like they always do—Toge has favorite baristas at their local coffee shop and today it’s one of them.
“If you say so.”
She continues their conversation, leisurely talking about her date with Nobara the other day. They went shopping, bought some stuff, maybe clothes or jewelry, he doesn’t know. They went somewhere else as well but he can’t recall, zoning in and out every few sentences.
The first time Maki asks if he’s paying attention, he says yes, and she lets it slide.
The second time she asks if he’s paying attention, he says of course, but she doesn’t believe him.
“Are you even listening to me?”
“Shakeee,” he whines. I am.
“Bullshit. Then what did I just say?”
He averts his eyes, taking an extra long sip of his coffee while racking his brain trying to remember what was the last thing she said.
Maki sighs. “Alright what gives?”
“Tako.” What do you mean?
“You know exactly what I mean. What’s wrong? Clearly something’s bugging you.”
Toge shrugs. “Tsuna.” It’s nothing.
“Are you sure?”
The question leaves him suspended, a moment of self doubt emerging. Maki’s his friend, he has no reason to keep secrets from her. And the topic of his sex life isn’t something he gets embarrassed by easily, either—she likes to go on tangents and mention her sex life with Nobara just as much, if not, even more.
Perhaps his pessimism has truly made him feel hopeless enough to think even Maki’s help is useless.
“You hesitated,” she accuses.
“Okaka.” No I didn’t.
Maki glares at him, scrutinizing every part of his face. “I’m not gonna drop this, so you either talk or you talk.”
Toge gives a sigh of his own, knowing Maki well enough to know she has every intention of wringing it out of him. He rests his cheek against the palm of his hand, taking a mental note of how empty the cafe is. Only a few people sprinkled about, most of them on the other side of the room.
“Tsuna mayo.” It’s about Yuuta.
Maki’s eyes widen, the coffee she was about to bring to her lips coming to a stop. “Did you guys get into a fight or something?”
“Okaka…” Not exactly. It’s…
She watches him impatiently, wanting him to spit it out already but restraining herself, wanting Toge to say it on his own.
“Dango,” he says, plain and simple. I don’t like him in bed.
Maki blinks, a bit caught off guard.
“Oh, so this is about your sex life,” she says bluntly, finally taking a sip of her coffee. “Well…what’s wrong? Is he too aggressive?”
Toge scoffs, his response instantaneous. “Okaka.” He’s not aggressive enough.
Maki’s eyebrows fly up. “I had a feeling Yuuta’s a maniac in bed but I didn’t expect you to be worse than him.”
“Takana...?” Huh…?
He expects her to laugh, make a comment about how that doesn't surprise her. He would’ve taken any remark about his boyfriend, not shying away from hearing a bit of truthful teasing, but there’s none of that. Across from him is a surprised face, shocked to the point of appearing in sheer disbelief.
“What? Am I wrong…? Is he not freaky in bed?”
Toge shakes his head, and as the shock on her face grows, so does his confusion.
“No, really. We’re being serious here, right? You’re not fucking around with me?”
He shakes his head again, slower.
“Okaka.” No. I’m being serious.
“Okay…” she begins, clearly trying to find ways to approach this. “You don’t have to answer this if you’re uncomfortable but, how vanilla is he exactly?” she asks, her voice low.
He wishes they were in their school uniforms, so at least he could scrunch himself into his high collar and cover his face for some kind of comfort. But he’s in a plain light blue shirt, free of his usual duties as a sorcerer today.
They’re already too deep into the conversation for him to back out though, so he sucks it up, taking a sip of his coffee to give himself a second to word it as nicely as he can, and then says, “Tsuna mayo.” He fucks like an old person.
“You’re lying,” she whispers, harsher this time. She leans back in her seat and stares at nothing in particular, too busy trying to digest the information. “I can’t believe it.”
But she should believe it. Why shouldn’t she? Is it really that hard to believe Yuuta, out of all people, is boring in bed? The longer their little gossip session continues, the more he’s confused by her confusion. He thinks about asking her about it but she’s already onto another subject.
“Alright, so what’s the plan? Are you going to confront him about it and say you want to spice things up a bit?”
Toge looks down at his coffee in disappointment, realizing he’s already near the bottom.
“Shake,” he says. I already have.
“And?”
He shrugs. “Shake. Tsuna mayo.” Nothing. He doesn’t want to do anything about it.
“What? Why not?”
Another shrug, another similar reasoning. “Okaka.” He doesn’t want to talk about it.
Maki looks baffled, a bit peeved now too.
“He’s definitely hiding something,” she voices. “If only you were evil and used your cursed speech to pry it out of him.
She gives him a quick glance, as if her friend’s secretly contemplating on switching over to the dark side over bad sex, and Toge laughs, a genuine smile adorning his face.
The thought has crossed his mind a couple times, moments where his libido was at its neediest and Yuuta was being extra difficult, but only ever as a joke.
“Tako?” You have any other ideas?
The light chatter from the other people in the cafe is soothing background noise while they think. Except Toge has run out of ideas a long time ago, so he pretends to scheme, secretly hoping Maki can contrive a plan that can convince Yuuta to fuck him better.
“Hmm. I have something but I’m not really sure I would consider it a good plan,” she speaks up. Toge nods for her to continue, curious to hear what this not-so-good plan is. “Okay, so. You walk into a sex shop.”
Toge instantly gives her a look that has her throwing up hands, quick to defend her outlandish idea.
“No, no, no, hear me out—it’s not about prying out the reason but more about trying to persuade him into trying new things.”
He has tried that in the past. Maybe not as extreme as dragging him into a sex shop and trying to convince him to buy the kinkiest thing possible, but there’s been numerous conversations where he’s brought it up, almost begged him to at least try something, anything, all that persisting to end him up with discouragement to never try again.
“Shake…” he says. I guess…
“I don’t know, he can be pretty stubborn, so maybe he needs an extra push.”
Toge doubts it. Whatever his reasoning may be, he’s adamant on hiding it. And Maki’s way of trying to uncover it will only lead to wasted efforts.
But still, he’ll try out of pure desperation.
He can feel the tips of his ears turning pink.
Maki’s plan in the cafe sounded doable. Very much dumb, but doable. He had the theoretical confidence to go through with it, but now that he’s out on the streets of Tokyo, he’s not so sure.
And with his boyfriend in tow, he’s even more jittery.
“Are we close?” Yuuta asks, right by his side, holding his hand and being led to a destination unknown to him.
“Shake.” Just a bit more.
When he texted him about going out somewhere, all he mentioned was finding this new place that he wanted to go see. Yuuta asked multiple times where exactly they’re going but Toge kept dodging the question and saying it was a surprise.
Even now, he can’t stay quiet long enough to keep his curiosity at bay.
“Can I get another hint?”
“Okaka,” he grumbles. You’re impatient.
He takes out his phone to look at the map again, just to double check.
After Maki’s ‘extensive research’ as she liked to put it, she sent him the location of one that she deemed worthy enough to go to. It’s in the city; only needing to use a few minutes of transportation, it’s cheap, and they have everything you could possibly need in stock. Everything.
They have one more street to go.
He quickly puts his phone in his pocket, very well aware of Yuuta trying to sneak a glance at his screen.
“How can I be patient when my boyfriend has been dragging me across Tokyo without telling me where we're going?” he sighs dramatically, putting on a show that sways absolutely no one.
Toge tugs on his hand, taking a sharp turn into an alley.
He looks back and forth between the small stores on each side, wading through the small amount of people that make it appear more crowded than it is. To his left, he looks up at a neon red sign with the words Tokyo Sex Shop plastered above.
“Shake,” he says. We’re here.
He turns to Yuuta, expecting a displeased expression on his face, and that's exactly what he gets. A displeased and mildly surprised face, with furrowed eyebrows pinched so tightly together it’ll leave wrinkles, even at his age.
“Toge…”
“Shake, shake." Come on, just a quick glance.
He tugs on his hand again, a bit more resistance than the first time, and goes inside, his heart beating a little faster than it should. A melodic chime rings across the shop as the door opens.
Considering how small and compact the alley is on the outside, it’s relatively spacious on the inside. A worker comes and greets them, and Toge can’t help but notice the funny contrast between her cute appearance against the shelves behind her, stacked with spiked collars and leashes.
“Welcome!” she says, giving a small bow. “Is there anything I can help you with today?”
Toge looks over to Yuuta, the usual spokesperson whenever they’re out in public.
“We're fine, thank you. We just wanted to look around.”
She bows again, fairly polite, and smiles. “Alright, if you need anything, let me know.”
As she goes back to whatever she was stocking or sorting back in the storage room, she leaves them alone in the front.
“Would you like to tell me what we’re doing here?” he asks.
He looks more disappointed than angry, so Toge considers that as a good thing; there’s still room for persuasion.
“Shake, shake.” I just wanna look around. Please?
They stare at each other, neither looking away in fear of the one who does, loses.
But Yuuta immediately closes his eyes and sighs. He’s too familiar with Toge’s stubbornness to continue playing this game. They could easily waste the entire day standing here until closing time if it meant his boyfriend can get what he wants.
“Fine.”
Toge beams, like a child that’s been let loose in a toy store.
He looks around, trying to take everything in and direct him toward the more mild items that won’t elicit immediate aversion. There’s little signs above each aisle and the first one seems the most tame: costumes, outfits, and accessories.
Toge takes the lead without a hand to guide Yuuta; he’d like for him to find his way on his own this time.
Whether he’s following behind him or not isn’t his immediate concern. There’s an array of options in front of him that he’d like to sort through first, and at the very least, take one home.
His eyes glaze over the most basic ones, the typical sexy nurse, sexy cowgirl, sexy angel, sexy teacher—that’s what they’re labeled, yet they bore him.
He sneaks a glance over to Yuuta, who’s finally by his side, gauging his reaction to see if he’s secretly gravitating towards something that he might’ve missed, but finds nothing. He looks disinterested, and Toge can’t tell if he’s pretending or not.
Without much of a choice, he takes the initiative and picks out individual articles of clothing instead. He creates a combination that appeals to him, then what he thinks Yuuta might like, only to falter.
Yuuta has kept him in the dark so meticulously he isn’t aware of something as simple as taste in clothing.
He frowns, thinking about settling on a less eccentric outfit.
A skirt catches his eye, black and short enough to snatch the cute thigh highs to match. He picks up a white buttoned blouse, mindful of choosing the thinnest one—it’s important for the fabric to have a bit of transparency to show his skin, he decides.
It’s not until he picks up a collar, one made out of nice quality leather with a silver heart charm attached, that Yuuta finally decides to intervene.
“You said we’re just looking around.”
Toge turns, wanting to see if his face matches his tone. He sounds accusatory, a warning for something more dangerous. But his face has a gentleness that his voice lacks, like there’s a worry on his shoulders that’s weighing him down.
“Tako?” You don’t like it?
“It doesn’t matter what I think.”
There’s not many things that are quick to anger him but Yuuta belittling himself is definitely one of them, regardless of what role he’s playing.
“Shake, tsuna mayo.” Of course it matters, you’re my boyfriend.
“I didn’t mean it like that, I-” he sighs, aware of his misstep. “It’s nice.”
“Tako shake?” Nice enough that you like it?
Yuuta’s expression hardens, but his words betray him. “Yes.”
And that’s all he needed to hear before dumping the clothes in his arms.
“Shake.” Let's keep looking around.
As they round the corner to the next aisle, he becomes increasingly aware of how much he’s tearing down the boundary Yuuta has spent so much time propping up. He’s sneaking glimpses, trying to find openings. All while a pair of eyes watch him from afar, observing his every move.
Toge pays it no mind. Now that he’s learned that there’s a way in, he has no intention of going back.
In front of him are shelves lined with all kinds of toys and devices, some more interesting than others. But once again, he keeps it efficient and simple. A pink vibrator with a remote lands into Yuuta’s hands and he reacts the way he expects him to.
“You’re not buying this.”
Toge pouts, the puppy eyes on cue as he gives himself a few seconds to think of how to keep the conversation rolling on his side. An idea comes up, and as mischievous as he is, he’s not sure if he should risk it.
“Tako?” Why not? He feels like taking a gamble today, his eyes trailing down between Yuuta’s legs. “Shake.” It’s the size of yours.
He points to the size plastered in the corner, L for large, and he watches his boyfriend’s face turn a million shades darker.
“Toge,” he whispers between his teeth.
He can tell Yuuta enjoyed the little tease—his temper barely surfaced. Though he’s smart enough to not taunt a hungry tiger without having food behind his back.
“Tako? Shake.” Please? It’ll just be for me. “Tsuna.” You know, when you’re not around.
His reasoning isn’t innocent, it’s obvious he’s swaying him for his own gain. But genuinely, there are times when they barely see each other and it’s always due to Yuuta’s missions taking place outside of the country. It leaves Toge alone in his room, empty and deprived until he comes back.
Yuuta looks at him, that same hardened stare from earlier burning holes into him.
It’s intense, scrutinizing his very existence. He almost doesn’t believe it when Yuuta agrees a second time.
“Fine.”
Toge keeps his emotions in check, trying to not let any shock seep out in fear of Yuuta changing his mind. He does however, give his shirt a small tug to bring him down, going on his tippy toes and placing a kiss on his cheek.
It seems to soothe his nerves, noticing the way his jaw and shoulders untense.
“Are we ready to leave?”
The question comes as a forewarning, certainly not as anything else. But Toge is persistent. The taste of the unknown is addictive and he pursues it even when he knows he should behave.
“...Shake.” ...Just a little more.
He intertwines his finger’s with Yuuta’s free hand rather tightly, scared of his luck running out. He does find it strange though, how easily he’s gotten his way. The excitement of finding a weakness in the wall between them has left him hastier than he normally is.
Luck does indeed run out as everything around them becomes an extremity.
All of it makes his stomach flip. There’s whips, ropes, gags; entertaining the idea of Yuuta’s hands on the other end of them, using it against him in bed. He sucks in a quiet breath, his arousal getting the better of his judgement.
He’s desperate. The items in his boyfriend’s hand aren’t enough, he needs something worse, something that’ll satiate every lustful desire that’s been burning inside him for so long.
But Yuuta looks uncomfortable, and he’s not all too surprised when he feels his hand slowly slip from him.
“I’ll go pay for this.”
He’s left in the aisle by himself, watching him walk over to the front. There’s nothing for him here anymore. Nothing of use to him when his boyfriend isn’t by his side to share his likes and dislikes.
He sighs, deciding to join Yuuta and surrender for the day.
Maki’s plan wasn’t nearly as bad as he thought it would be. They’ve deviated from vanilla to vanilla with sprinkles.
Comparatively, that’s a much better outcome than anything he’s tried before.
He’s in bed, the bright glare of his phone screen making his eyes burn.
It’s not late enough for him to be asleep, but they have training early in the morning and he doesn’t feel like rolling out of bed groggy.
Just as he puts his phone down on the nightstand, it buzzes. He picks it up, blinking away the dryness as he sees his friend’s name on the screen.
Maki
i forgot to text you
how’d it go?
00:30
His thumbs hover over the keyboard, about to give her a quick rundown until he decides that’d be too boring. He gives himself a minute or two to come up with a better response, then practically sits up with excitement when an idea pops into his head.
Toge
it went amazing
found out he has a diaper kink tho :/
00:32
Maki
A WHAT
00:32
Toge
yeah he wanted me to wear one so i did
00:33
Maki
HUH????
TELL ME UR JOKING
PLEASE
00:33
Toge
wanna see the pic of me in the diaper?
00:34
Maki
NO
NO NO N O
DO NOT!!!!
INUMAKI TOGE DO NOT SEND A PIC
00:34
Maki sends a few more texts of her screaming and threatening to block him but all that does is fuel him. He opens one of the editing apps on his phone and plasters his face onto a random baby picture before sending it.
He sees her typing, pausing, and then typing again, and Toge can’t contain his laughter.
Maki
FUCK YOU
I CANT STAND YOU
00:37
Toge
entirely on you
did you forget who ur texting?
00:38
Maki
shut the fuck up
good night
im strangling you tomorrow
00:39
His thumbs hesitate over the keyboard again, very tempted to type ‘at least someone wants to be a little kinky with me’ but holds back. His sexual deprivations aren’t his friend’s problem. He throws her a quick text back before putting his phone on the nightstand, getting comfortable under the covers and slowly falling asleep.