Chapter Text
Pain. Blinding pain. But the next thing Kakashi felt was relief. He is sure he took on the whole brunt of the enemy’s jutsu. He is equally sure that the enemy took all of his jutsu. Meaning he was both able to make sure Naruto isn’t hurt and managed to neutralize the threat. He is dead. He can tell. There is no way he survived that. That is exactly why he covered Naruto after all. But he knows his kids will manage to win the altercation easily now. He is so proud of them even though he doesn’t have a right to be proud. He didn’t teach them to be the shinobi that they are today but he will selfishly be proud of them anyway. He’s had enough time to accept his failures and still enjoy the peace they fought to have. To know that peace won’t be disturbed before dying is more than he could ask for.
He feels his eyes twitching, so he opens them. Blue sky and sun on his face. It truly is peaceful here. He tries to feel his hands and legs by wiggling them. He is happy to feel them moving. He wants to stay there for a little while staring at the sky but he is excited to finally meet Obito and Rin again and Sensei and Kushina-san too. Now that he reassured himself of the fate of his kids, he can’t wait to meet his team, Team Minato that is. That thought helps him get up and look around.
Water. That’s all he can see. Water all round, everywhere. Well, this is unexpected but not unpleasant. He didn’t think the road to the pure lands would be water but he isn’t complaining. In fact, it is nice. He appreciates the smell of sea salt. It weirdly makes him feel like he’s alive. So, he starts moving in no particular direction given that it's surrounded by water on all sides. He’s sure he’ll reach the gate if he just walks long enough.
This to him seems like a great opportunity to think about his life. That’s probably the reason for the walk. At 11, after losing Obito, he would never have thought his life would turn out the way it did. That sad, grieving, depressed pre-teen boy could never have imagined that he would find purpose in life again, find people he would come to love enough to change his view on life itself. There is no doubt that team seven healed his heart. He became a better person for them, so they could have a better role model than a washed-up shinobi with failures a mile long. He became stronger to protect them. Even though he still didn’t do everything right, still had failures – he couldn’t help the bitter taste in his mouth remembering Sasuke leaving – he did his best and for once in his life his best wasn’t an utter disaster.
He will never stop blaming himself for letting Sasuke fall off the rails. He was too new at being Sensei, too inexperienced at saying the right things at the right time. He remembers he failed Itachi too, in that regard. When Itachi asked him about his promise, if only he gave a different answer, would Itachi have stayed? or at least shared his ultimatum with him? He’ll never stop wondering but it doesn’t matter now. He was able to keep Sasuke out of a prison cell. Help Sakura pass all the medical laws she needed to make Konoha’s health care system the best in the world. Ensured better care for orphans. Delayed the elders using Naruto by taking on the Hokage mantle for twelve years. It was a pain in the ass and way too boring but they kept their greedy hands off of Naruto until he could train the kid in politics. The kid could win hardened shinobi over with his talk-no-jutsu but internal politics was a whole other beast. It was still better than the rot before the war, especially because of the shinobi alliance he was able to strengthen. At least he had Gai to distract him with his challenges. Lunches and dinners with his team, drinks with friends and challenges with Gai. Who would have thought he would even be able to make friends?
After twelve years in the seat, he proudly passed it onto Naruto by his own hand. Likely the proudest moment of his whole life, seeing the hat on Naruto and have Sakura and Sasuke cheering him on while being the best in their respective fields. Sakura was the chief resident for ten years and now is the youngest head Konoha hospital has ever seen. The changes she made were applauded in the medical community and adopted by the other villages as well. Sasuke was a little difficult to handle in the beginning. He went on a soul-searching trip for three years. Once he returned, none of team seven was willing to let him go but Sasuke still didn’t think he could be a regular jounin of Konoha and work well with others. He and Sasuke came to a compromise. He would join ANBU. That way he could be in the village while not having to socialize too much. He was skeptical at first but after Sarada’s birth he thanked Kakashi for not letting him leave. Kakashi made him the ANBU Commander on his last day as Hokage because he knows no one will protect Naruto more loyally than him. He can’t help his fond smile thinking how far his little troublemakers had come. It had been two years since the coronation. He had to stay on as the advisor to make the transition smooth for Naruto. But the moment he could, he requested for a long vacation.
He doesn’t know why he thought of inviting Gai on his vacation trip but it was a great decision. As overwhelming as Gai is, there will be no boring moment with the man. They toured all around. To see all the countries and hidden villages was his goal. Him being a former Hokage and Gai being a famous war hero known for almost defeating Madara, they always got wonderful reception no matter which country they visited. It was sometimes problematic since Kakashi was awkward with the overt respect and praise. He still half believed most people did not want him as their Hokage, though he knows that’s not true. His kids regularly keep showing him statistics to disprove that theory. A life time of insecurity is not easy to get rid of, though it certainly didn’t present as night terrors anymore. Even his nightmares got reduced over the years. In fact, his recent nightmares were about being surrounded by piles and piles of paperwork with no escape. A chuckle escaped him at the thought. His vacation was cut short, unfortunately. Naruto called him back because of suspicious activity in the fire country and the information of a potential attack. That’s where he perished. Forty-five is a long time to be a shinobi and to die on duty while protecting your Hokage is the greatest honour a shinobi could ever hope to achieve. Other than being the Hokage, of course.
He looked up at the calm sun again. Just the right amount of light and heat. He looked around completely expecting to see a gate. Nothing. Looks like even pure lands is making him work hard to meet his family again. There’s a disturbance in the water, waves rippling bigger than normal for such a calm surface. He pays it no mind. He’ll get to talk to his father again. Even after being in this place once, he still doesn’t know what to say to him. He knows he has more to say this time. Though he had understood his father’s reasoning the last time they met, Kakashi hadn’t truly forgiven the man back then. Possibly even now, for leaving him alone but he had been proud of his father for making the choice he did in saving his comrades. He also understands the choice of killing himself a little better. The Hatake clan come from a long line of Samurai before they became shinobi. For a samurai his honour is his everything. The moment a samurai loses his honour, he loses his right to live. It was common for samurai who had failed in their duty to commit seppuku. Even though the prevalence drastically decreased in recent times, some old generational families and clans still followed the tradition. More disturbances on the surface of the water. Maybe he’s getting close. By how happy his father was to see him last time when he didn’t even know if Kakashi forgave him, he’s sure the reunion will be much happier this time. Maybe there’ll be a campfire again. That’s when it dawns on him that the last time, he didn’t walk around an unending path of water. He didn’t walk anywhere at all. He was just suddenly there, near the campfire, alongside his father. He’s looking to the water surface which is moving in increasingly larger waves now, forceful thrashing against his calves. But he knows with absolute certainty that he is dead. So why the difference?
“Finally woken up, have you, Hatake brat!” came a loud growling voice dripping malice and anger.