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"Are you sure you don't want to come and say goodbye?" My sister asks and I scoff, shaking my head.

"Why in Malek's name would I want to do that?" She's the one who got us into this mess—I have no intention of ever speaking to her again, for as long as I live—whether that's thirty years or thirty minutes.

"Seriously?" Violet arches a brow and I can hear the irritation in her voice. It's frustrating because I'm almost certain she's not about to go in there and show the same annoyance in speaking to our mother. But then, Violet likes her more than me, so there's that. Violet likes most people more than me.

"If I don't die, I'm sure I'll see her again," I say flippantly. "And if I do die, it's her fault. So..."

"We're not dying today." Violet says fiercely, though I can see the fear that creeps into her eyes, even as the words leave her mouth. I hope she's right, but I know there's an equal or greater chance she's wrong. Something like ten to fifteen percent of candidates fall from the parapet on Conscription Day every year at Basgiath and presumably all of them are healthy.

"I didn't say we were." I reply mildly. "That doesn't mean I have any intention of speaking to mother." Lilith Sorrengail isn't exactly warm at the best of times; the last thing I need right now is her brand of pep talk. Just seeing her face is likely to get me worked up and I need to stay as calm and collected as possible if I want to make it to dinnertime.

Violet sighs—a tired, put upon sound—and must decide she's done trying to convince me because she turns on her heel and stalks out. I let my head fall back into the stone behind me, my body sliding down the wall as I come to rest on the floor. Pulling my knees up to my chest, I take in the room one last time.

Violet and I have shared this bedroom through the best (few) and worst (many) moments of our lives since our parents were stationed here at Basgiath. It's the room I dislocated my shoulder in on the first day, tussling with my sister for the bed near the window. It's the room I heaved gasping sobs in the day our father died. It's the room I came back to life in, focused on my studies, determined to make it as a healer so I could finally get out of this place.

And now that will be gone. It will all be gone.

Whether I live through the next three years or not, I won't be coming back here. I run my hand over the stone beside my head and wonder what Brennan would have thought of all this. He'd be pissed, that much I know for certain, but I wonder what he'd estimate our chances of survival to be—for today at least.

Slowly, I take a deep breath and close my eyes. No sense wondering—Brennan is dead. He can't help us and my older sister, well...she probably has no idea this is even happening. I haven't seen her in almost two years and I don't know if she got the letter I sent months ago. A small, bitter part of me resents her for that, even though I know it's not up to her where she is stationed or what leave she is allowed. At least she sends letters for the holidays; that's something.

The door bursts open and I jump, putting strain on my knees as I rise to my feet. I recognise the two men who enter, though I don't know their names.

"Oh. Sorry." The one on the left seems surprised to find me still here. "We were just sent to pack everything into boxes for storage." Easier to burn when we die I suppose. I roll my eyes, waving them in.

"I'll help." I don't really want two of my mother's assistants looking through my things anyway, even if it is the stuff I'm going to have to leave behind. 'Assistants' is probably a harsh term—they're soldiers, just not very decorated ones if they're here at my mother's beck and call. I let them take Violet's side of the room and motion for them to leave a box free for me.

It's quick work packing up everything that remains of our lives. We were never allowed to have much in the way of possessions anyway—it makes life tough when you're moving around at a moment's notice to the whims of the Navarrian command. Anything that's important to me is already in my canvas rucksack anyway, ready for our departure.

The men leave the crates off to one side by the wall and I resume my semi-relaxed position, leaning back opposite the door, my head resting on the stone behind me. Violet should be back any minute and then we can get going—why delay the inevitable?

The door opens again, slower this time and I'm completely unprepared for the face that walks in, framed by golden brown hair just like mine.

"Mira?!" I gasp, darting forward to hug my older sister fiercely. "Mira, gods!" I can barely believe it. "How did you get leave?" She couldn't even get leave for our father's burning, let alone our prospective ones.

"Remi! My baby sister." She pulls me close, squeezing so tightly I think I'm in danger of having my shoulder pop out. "I didn't get leave. I just had to be here once I heard." Ah. So she'd gotten our letters then.

"Came to say your goodbyes?" I joke.

Here's the thing about my twin and I: Violet is an optimist, she's always trying to look on the bright side of all the shit that's rained down on us, ever since our birth. Me? I'm a realist—things are what they are, I can't change them and I'm damn sure not going to pretend it's any less awful than it really is. We're both survivors, but she's much better at it than I am.

I don't smile much, I use dark humour to cope and I don't really fear death. We live in so much pain already that sometimes I think death would be a blessed release. All of that compounded though, means I'm not the most pleasant person to be around—I'm depressed, quick to anger and generally a bit of a bitch.

Violet doesn't really know how to handle that and it grates on her. It doesn't help that we've had to share a bedroom our entire lives either. "We're not dying today!" My twin repeats, more aggravated this time.

Mira laughs. "You know I hate taking sides between you but I have to agree with Vi today, Remi. No dying!"

"Damn." I say, my expression deadpan. "And I was so looking forward to it."

Mira nudges my shoulder with hers. "Shut up." My older sister has always understood me more—not as well as Brennan, mind you, but more than Vi. It's probably why my attitude got so much worse when she left for Basgiath and I only had Violet for occasional company from that point on. I say occasional because Violet had dad. The two of them were like two peas in a pod most of the time and I was left adrift.

"I was hoping I'd be able to talk mum out of this." Mira begins explaining. "Neither of you were meant for the Riders Quadrant." She drops to the ground and starts emptying her pack.

"So you've mentioned—" Violet starts but I interrupt her, joining Mira on the floor.

"What are these?" I ask, pulling out two black uniforms along with two pairs of black boots. They're my size—our size. I begin pulling my old, worn boots off without having to be told, reading the intention on Mira's face.

"Good. Violet, you need to do the same—your boots are a death trap, you'll slip right off the parapet with those smooth soles. I had rubber-bottomed rider boots made for you both just in case."

I nod appreciatively, already stripping to pull the tight-fitting, black clothes on instead of the lower quality garments I was wearing before. The pants are leather and they hug every curve. The top is the same tight fit and I feel...pretty, for once. In a dangerous kind of way. It also feels like I'm dressed for a burning so I suppose it's appropriate no matter what. I tie the new boots tightly at the top, while still allowing some flex for movement as Mira tips both our packs out, sending our personal effects flying.

Violet protests as Mira begins tossing books—one, two, three—all landing in the vicinity of the crates by the wall. My twin definitely packed way more than me. Clearly she has some confidence we'll survive not only parapet but Basgiath in general. She was packing for the whole three years it seems. See what I mean? Optimist.

I sigh as her and Mira get into it over a book full of dark fables.

"Are you willing to die for it?" Mira asks and Violet protests that she can take the weight of it in her bag. "No. You can't." Mira continues arguing almost seamlessly. "You're barely thrice the weight of the pack, the parapet is roughly eighteen inches wide, two hundred feet aboveground, and last I looked, there were rain clouds moving in." Oh, shit.

"They're not going to give you a rain delay just because the bridge might get a little slick, sis. You'll fall. You'll die. Now are you going to listen to me? Or are you going to join the other dead candidates at tomorrow morning's roll call?"

I let out a low whistle. Damn, Mira. It's no longer our sister talking, but Lieutenant Sorrengail, and I have no doubts as to how she survived all three years at Basgiath with only one scar to show for it.

"Dad gave this one to me," Violet murmurs, pressing the book against her chest. My heart softens a little and it's almost enough to have me offering to carry it for her; but I'm no stronger than she is—no better off and no less likely to fall from the parapet today.

When Mira gives Violet an ultimatum, "are you going to die as a scribe? Or live as a rider?" I feel my throat tighten. I blink back tears, barely listening as I watch them go back and forth, Mira finally allowing Violet to keep one book for the crossing.

The bell rings high above us, jolting me out of my melancholy as Violet goes to change and Mira starts assessing my pack. "You did better." She raises an eyebrow, going over my things. Truly, I don't have a lot less than Violet aside from her books—I just didn't pack any dusty old tomes.

"Do you really need your sketchbook and the charcoals?" Mira asks and I shrug.

"Do you think it will make a difference?"

My older sister sighs, packing them back in amongst my medical supplies. "I suppose not." She huffs. "They don't weigh much anyway." After she's repacked my things, she turns to me with a corset and slides it over my torso, beginning to lace it for me.

"These look like the gear riders wear into battle," Violet says and I can see out the corner of my eye she's holding one of her own.

"Exactly." Mira says firmly, beginning to help Vi with hers. "Because that's what you're doing; going into battle."

There are hidden sheaths sewn diagonally along the ribcage and as Violet notices them too, Mira mutters, "for your daggers."

"I only have four." She says, grabbing them from the pile on the floor. I have six and I still don't think it's enough. Weapons training was the one part of the hellish last six months with Major Gillstead I actually enjoyed. Violet and I both excelled with daggers, and though I know I probably won't stand a chance in a physical fight with anyone at Basgiath, if I can draw quickly and catch them by surprise, I know I can do some major damage.

I begin sliding mine into the sheaths at my ribs and my thighs, feeling like a warrior. It isn't the first time I've felt that way, but it is the first time it's shown on the outside. Mira is word-vomiting advice to us both about how best to survive in the quadrant, what to do on the parapet and I begin to think she might be more nervous than I am.

"So there's definitely no way to get out of this?" I interrupt her and she sighs, shaking her head.

"Mum said if either of you dared to try and go to your respective quadrants, she'd rip you out by your hair and put you back on the parapet herself."

I blink. "Lovely." I roll my eyes. "That sounds like her." What is sounds like, is murder by proxy, plain and simple. And Violet wonders why I have no interest in saying goodbye to this woman. I let the subject drop, resigning myself to our fate once more.

Mira insists on re-braiding both our hair before we leave so I slide to the floor and sit between her legs. Violet and I are not identical twins. Our short stature and frailty almost matches each other (I have half a foot on her), but my hair is a golden brown like Mira's and our mother's, though it does fade to silver at the ends, much like my twin's does. I have higher cheekbones and slightly darker eyes, taking more after our father in the face than Vi does—the same way Brennan did. I'm glad I have something of them with me. It's comforting on days like today.

"What's this?" Violet asks as Mira starts weaving my hair into a crown. She's running her fingers over the material of the corset, scratching at it with her fingernail.

My ears perk up when Mira replies, "I had them specially made for you guys with Teine's scales sewn in, so be careful with them."

"Wow." I murmur, looking at it more closely as Mira finishes my hair and moves onto Violet's.

"How did you get them so small?" Violet asks, almost reading my mind.

Mira smirks. "I happen to know a rider whose powers can make big things very small...and smaller things much, much bigger."

I snort, shaking my head. "I bet that comes in...handy." I say at the same time as my twin replies, "I mean...how much bigger?" We look at each other and burst out laughing, strangely in sync for the first time this morning.

"You both really should have cut your hair." Our older sister sighs, amusement leaving her as she weaves Violet's darker strands together. "It's a liability—"

"In sparring and in battle." I finish for her. "Yes, so we've heard."

"My hair is the only part of me that's perfectly healthy," Violet complains. "I'm not going to punish my body by cutting it off, not when it's finally done something right." I doubt hair feels anything Vi, but sure, let's go with that.

"I just don't want to die with a pixie cut." I chime in, grinning when they both turn to me with irritated scowls. "What?" I sigh, clambering to my feet. "It's true." I want to say that at least if today's my last day I look like a badass now, but one glance at Violet's face tells me I probably shouldn't. Normally I'd say it anyway, but she doesn't need the extra stress. Not today.

Mira starts trying to cram even more information and advice into the minutes we have left and I listen patiently, only really taking half of it in. She's lecturing us about how basically everyone will want to kill us and I start focusing again as I hear Violet say; "except when sleeping. It's an executable offence to attack any cadet while sleeping. Article Three—"

Mira cuts her off. "Yes, but that doesn't mean you're safe at night. Sleep in this if you can."

I raise my eyebrows, looking at her with a small smirk. "Are we supposed to have sex in them too?"

Mira grins. "Absolutely. You don't think it would be hot? Wearing just the corset?"

My teeth are on display as I laugh joyfully with her. "Oh definitely."

Violet's rolling her eyes next to us, picking up her pack to sling it on. "So the leathers and the blades...we're not supposed to have those. Are you sure they won't say anything?"

"If they do, fuck them." Mira responds. "You're Sorrengails."

I laugh. "May as well be good for something." It certainly wasn't good for a trauma free childhood, that's for sure.

"There's no such thing as cheating once you climb the turret. There's only survival and death." The bell chimes again as I nod along, agreeing with Mira wholeheartedly.

I don't know if my optimist sister has realised it yet, but the quadrant—this life we've been thrust into—It requires more than strength. It's going to require a level of nastiness I'm not sure Violet can cope with. We're going to have to fight and kill our way through the next three years if we're going to survive and if we make it to the end...we're never going to be the same. I'm certain she thinks she can avoid that fate if she tries hard enough but I'm under no such illusions.

If I have to kill someone to stay alive today, tomorrow, or in the future; I'm ok with that. Obviously it will only be because they're trying to kill us—why should I feel remorse for that? We didn't ask for this but now we're here, so we have to learn to deal with it. It's just, Vi...she's a kinder soul than me.

"It's almost time." Mira swallows harshly. She leads us from the room and out into the fortress proper and I take one last look, my hand falling to Violet's shoulder as we walk through the door, leaving our lives behind. This is it.

We go down staircase after staircase and out into the open air where thousands of other candidates are milling around with their families, saying their goodbyes just beneath the main gate. The four roads leading to the fortress are clogged with wagons and I'm staring at the ones meant for the bodies of those who fall today when Mira slings her arms around us both, drawing us into a tight hug.

"I love you guys." Her voice is shaking. "Remember everything I've told you." I've forgotten half of it already, but I won't say so to save some of my big sister's sanity. As she leads us towards the riders line, crossing through the courtyard, she tells us; "find Dain Aetos." I make a face.

"Dain?" Violet's eyes light up. My sister's carried a torch for the asshole we grew up with for years. Personally I can't stand him. I think he's arrogant and manipulative and above all else...elitist. He's not a pleasure to be around and I haven't kept my opinion quiet. That's always suited him just fine though, because it meant he had more time alone with my sister.

"I've only been out of the quadrant for three years but from what I hear, he's doing well and he'll keep you safe." No thanks, I'll take my chances. "Don't smile like that," she chides Violet, much to my enjoyment. "He'll be a second-year. Don't mess around with second-years. If you want to get laid, and you should—often, considering you never know what the day brings—then screw around in your own year. Nothing is worse than cadets gossiping that you slept your way to safety."

Violet has a little grin on her face now that matches mine. "So we're free to take any of the first-years to bed, just not the second or third-years."

"Exactly." Mira winks.

I laugh. "Honestly, I could care less what they think. If I see something I like, I'm not holding back on behalf of other people's opinions." It's not as if they'll be any less likely to want to kill us if we don't sleep with older riders.

Mira shakes her head, a smile tilting her lips up once more. We walk toward the entrance to the Riders Quadrant and I steadfastly refuse to look behind me where the Healers Quadrant is located at the southern end of the college. There's no room in my heart now for what-if's.

I notice Violet looking up and I follow her gaze to the parapet—the giant death trap rising into the sky that just might kill us both. "And to think, I've been preparing for the scribe's written exam all these years...I should have been playing on a balance beam." Violet murmurs sarcastically.

I snort, a laugh escaping me. "Well I was studying to save lives for the last two years and now I'm going to be ending them so..." I think I win.

"You...you really think you'll have to do that?" Violet asks, looking at me, concerned.

I shrug. "Yes." I'm a realist. There's no way we're making it out of this college alive without killing or at least seriously injuring someone. Especially given who we are—our last name is a giant, screaming target on our backs. Everyone will want to take down a Sorrengail.

"She's not wrong." Mira murmurs and her face tightens as the line inches forward. We're almost at the front now. I listen with half an ear as she gives us advice on crossing the parapet. It's nothing I haven't heard already, multiple times. "Cross the parapet before terror owns you." She finishes and I close my eyes, taking a deep breath. I know she's looking at me.

I'm not afraid to die. I am however, in a hilarious contradiction, afraid of heights.

Mira is telling us about the kids with shimmering marks up their arms, relics from a dragon. It's nothing I don't already know. The healers talk and sometimes they have a lot to say about certain decisions command has made in the past. When they found out I was being sent here, they weren't shy about quietly sharing their opinions.

Violet obviously doesn't know half of it and she looks horrified as Mira tells her that General Melgren's dragon burnt relics into all of the rebellion kids after they watched their parents' executions. "Nothing like punishing the kids to deter more parents from committing treason." Mira says sarcastically. It seems she shares the healers' opinions on the barbarity of it all.

The colour drains from Mira's face suddenly and she grips Violet's pack, pulling her in as her hand grasps my shoulder. "I just remembered," she says, her voice low, "stay the hell away from Xaden Riorson." I raise an eyebrow. "That Xaden Riorson." She confirms and for the first time today my older sister actually sounds scared. "He's a third-year and he will kill you the second he finds out who you are."

"His father was the Great Betrayer." Violet hisses. "He led the rebellion. What is Xaden doing here?"

This one, I have the answer to. "They were forced. Conscripted as punishment for their parents crimes." I say with disdain. "It's disgusting any way you look at it." I wrinkle my nose.

"Don't say that out loud. Not in there, you hear me?" Mira scolds. "This is command's sandbox. You are not entitled to your opinion here. Remember that." She eyes me seriously.

"Understood." I nod, chastised, and grip her hand on my shoulder tightly.

"Seriously, stay away from Riorson. I hear his dragon is..." She trails off and I take the warning for what it is. "He's a wingleader." She informs us and I blink in shock. I'm surprised they let that happen. He must really be something if they couldn't find a way to avoid giving him such a position of power. "Once you get across the parapet, find Dain and he'll put you in his squad. I just hope it's far away from Riorson."

Gods, I'd take just about anyone else's squad not to have to put up with Dain. I go to say so but Captain Fitzgibbons is calling us forward, his eyebrows rising in surprise as he notices us there.

"Violet and Remi Sorrengail?" He asks, softly. "I thought you were meant for the Scribe and Healers Quadrants?" He says sadly, looking between us.

"General Sorrengail chose otherwise." Mira tells him and I shrug. I want everyone to know this wasn't our choice, that our mother is basically sending us off to die with no remorse. I wish so badly the rest of the world could feel my hurt and hatred.

"Pity." Captain Fitzgibbons replies. "You had so much promise."

You had so much promise...as if we're already dead. I can't help myself. "Don't worry," I say with a smirk. "Learning about the human body all these years has taught me so many ways to kill people." I sign my name on the roll and turn, heading toward the open door into the turret.

"By the gods," the other man at the sign in desk exclaims as Fitzgibbons' startled eyes stare after me. "You're Mira Sorrengail?" I roll my eyes. People hero worship my sister the same way they did Brennan when he was alive. It's hilarious sometimes, but mostly weird and annoying.

"I am." Mira nods. "And these are my sisters Violet and Remi. They'll be first-years."

"If they survive the parapet." A man behind us snickers. "The wind might just blow them right off." I pause in my steps, turning to shoot the man a deadly glare. What an asshole.

"Mind your damn business!" I snap. Instead of giving him any more attention I continue to the tower, stopping only so I can hug Mira one last time at the door.

"Don't die, you pair." She grins, "I'd hate to be an only child."

I watch my sister saunter off, my chest tightening as I wonder if it might be the last time we see each other. "Tough to live up to that." The woman ahead of us says and I nod, barely paying her any attention as Violet strikes up a conversation with her. We climb the stairs slowly and I try and distract myself, attempting to ignore the drop off to our side.

My twin is already ignoring Mira's advice and making friends. "I can't fucking wait." The beautiful woman in front of us says. "I mean, who wouldn't want to ride a dragon?" She asks and though it's probably meant to be rhetorical, I can't help but answer aloud.

"Me." I roll my eyes. "Why would you? They're a walking death trap." An awkward silence descends for a moment and it's almost like no one wants to say anything.

"So you...didn't volunteer?" The girl—Rhiannon—asks.

Violet is the one who replies. "We were more like volun-told."

Their conversation continues for another few minutes and I keep my melancholy to myself, avoiding every attempt to draw me in. The boy up the front—Dylan apparently—is talking animatedly and I callously think 'you're not going to survive'. That kind of cheerful attitude won't last long in the quadrant.

"You might make it across the parapet," the guy behind us sneers, in response to something the cheerful man says. "These two are a breeze away from the bottom of the ravine."

"Shut up and focus on yourself," Rhiannon snaps before I can say anything. I'm itching to draw out my new daggers and threaten him but since she's already dressed him down, I abstain for now. I refuse to even turn and glare at him—he's not worth my time.

As the top of the tower comes into our sight, light filtering through, Violet turns to Rhiannon and says, "let me see your boots."

She picks up her feet and the soles of her shoes are smooth, just like ours were before Mira gave us our new boots. My heart drops into my stomach and I have a feeling I know where this is going...and I don't like it.

"What size are your feet?" My sister asks.

"Vi, no!" I chide, reaching out to grab her shoulder. She shrugs me off, wholly focused on her new friend.

"What?" Rhiannon asks, bewildered.

"Your feet, what size are they?" Violet ignores my protests once more and suggests trading a boot with Rhiannon. "These are rider boots, they'll grip the stone better so you won't fall off if rain hits."

I groan, grabbing my sister by the shoulders to pull her back harshly. "I said no." I hiss, glaring at her. "You need those boots."

"It's only one," she argues. "I'll be fine."

I swallow harshly, noting the stubborn look in Violet's eyes—she's not going to budge. "Fine. I'll give her one of mine."

Violet is instantly shaking her head. "No!" She says irritably, pulling free from my grip. "Stop treating me like a child. I don't need you to baby me."

I grit my teeth, trying hard not to start a fight with her. Being unsettled is the last thing we need right now. "Vi, let me do it. What does it matter to you? She'll be safe." I'm already reaching for my laces.

"I said no." Violet huffs, pulling her boot off. Rhiannon is watching the entire argument with a slightly alarmed expression and I notice it's almost our turn.

"Vi, I'm older. It should be me." I try.

Violet's eyes go wide and she's practically spitting fire now. "Two minutes doesn't count!" She glares. "And it's already done, so deal with it." She passes her boot to Rhiannon, taking back the larger one hesitantly offered to her.

"Thank you." Rhiannon says softly, looking between us. I sigh in aggravation, shaking my head.

"Let's go. Some of us have things to do on the other side." The guy behind us complains and I finally turn, my expression now matching Violet's.

"Shut the fuck up." I hiss. "Before I throw you off this damn tower." I don't even know if I'm bluffing at this point. I'm so wound up from the stress of this whole experience and my temper is frayed. I really, really want to send this asshole flying. He glares back at me and the look in his eyes...he wants to kill me, of that I'm certain. I've only just stepped onto the turret and someone wants to murder me already—what an accomplishment.

The top of the turret is bare aside from the low walls rising to around my chest height that do nothing to obscure the view. I make the mistake of looking down to the ravine very, very far below. I take a deep breath in, trying to suppress my nausea. "Rem," Violet murmurs. "Just don't look down." I want to snap at her, to tell her I obviously already know that but I don't, because my sister doesn't like me very much, but for once—she's trying to help me.

"I'm ok." I murmur instead. It's a bold-faced lie but it's all I've got. As we step toward the start of the parapet, my legs are shaking with exertion. Vi seems ok, but for me, climbing two hundred and fifty stairs was a lot and my body is protesting fiercely.

Three riders come into view, waiting at the entrance, and I take them in as Dylan—the guy in front of us Violet has been talking with—moves into position to begin. One of the riders takes his name, a second is instructing him on where to start and the other...wow.

He's tall, with windblown black hair and dark brows. The line of his jaw is strong and covered by warm, tawny skin and dark stubble, and when he folds his arms across his torso, the muscles in his chest and arms ripple, moving in a way that's just...wow. Wow. Who cares if he's a second or third-year? A girl has needs.

His eyes are a shade of gold-flecked onyx I've never seen before. Everything about this man is stunning, from his lips to the scar bisecting his eyebrow. I think I'm in love. He must be an asshole—no man is the complete package and this one? He's got everything else.

Dylan walks out onto the parapet, calling something back at us, but I'm not listening. I'm too enthralled by tall, dark and sexy. The rider taking names looks back at the man I'm admiring and calls, "ready for the next one, Riorson?" And all my dreams come crashing down. Damn it. I knew there had to be a catch.

Mira's words are ringing in my head. 'Stay away from Xaden Riorson'. Well, Mira, you completely undersold how difficult that was going to be. I eye him with trepidation, wondering if there's any way I can say my name quiet enough he won't hear—won't find out who we are.

"You ready for this, Sorrengail?" Rhiannon asks with a grin, moving forward and I sigh, my shoulders dropping in defeat.

Riorson snaps his gaze toward us, meeting Violet's eyes. Slowly, he turns around fully and I shift nervously, fingering the dagger at my thigh. "Oh, shit." Violet whispers and his eyes narrow as if he heard her over the howling of the wind.

"Sorrengail?" He steps toward her and at the same time I step forward, drawing level with my sister in case I need to defend her—to jump in between her and this mountain of a man. He must be at least four inches over six feet tall. He absolutely dwarfs us and as Violet nods, confirming her—our—identity, I watch his gaze harden, those beautiful eyes transforming to reflect cold, unadulterated hatred. Great.

"You're General Sorrengail's youngest." His voice is deep and accusatory and he barely flicks me a glance as he holds Violet's stare.

"You're Fen Riorson's son." My sister snaps back. She's trembling just slightly, not enough for anyone but me to notice, but I do notice. I reach down to grip her hand.

I watch the muscle in Riorson's jaw flex once, twice and finally he says; "your mother captured my father and oversaw his execution."

Indignation rises within me, but before I can say anything, Violet responds, "your father killed my older brother—seems like we're even."

"Hardly." He looks her over, taking in every detail and then finally, his eyes land on me. "So you're the other one." It's more a statement than a question and my already frayed temper snaps.

"The other one has a name." I sneer. "You can stop pretending you don't know it." I'm certain he does. I'm certain he knows all about us, every little detail he could scavenge. It's what I would have done if I were him.

"No. Doesn't ring a bell." A wicked smirk curves his lips and I can't help myself, I let go of Violet's hand and step forward, drawing closer to him than I probably should have dared.

"Your loss then." I murmur.

I hear Rhiannon and Violet talking behind me but I don't dare take my eyes off Riorson, not even for a moment. "You're friends?" He asks, glancing behind me.

"No." I answer at the same time as Violet says, "we met on the stairs." He looks down, noting their mismatched shoes.

"Interesting." He says and I huff, countering, "stupid."

Violet glares, pulling me back toward her and outside of Riorson's striking range. "Are you going to kill us?" She asks, eyeing him warily.

I go to say more, but as I do the sky opens up and rain begins to fall in a deluge, soaking us all in seconds. My hair is a weight on my head, sopping wet as it is and my pack is now much heavier too. The stones around us are slick with water and just as I bemoan the implications of that, a scream rips through the air.

The boy from earlier, Dylan, has slipped on the parapet. One minute he's there and the next minute he's gone. Violet's scream is muffled by her hand over her mouth, but Rhiannon's rings out loud and clear.

Xaden is watching us intently, Violet staring at the parapet with horror and me with only resignation. He smirks wickedly once more, answering my sister. "Why would I waste my energy killing you when the parapet will do it for me?" He's enjoying this, taunting us with our imminent death. "Your turn."

Chapter Text

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Violet is still staring in shock out at the space on the parapet where Dylan had been, but me? I’m looking up. Thunder rumbles and lightning begins flashing across the sky. Low storm clouds had been gathered before but this…this seems almost preternatural. We can’t possibly be this unlucky.

Rhiannon is moving out onto the parapet and I know if she survives it will only be by my sister’s grace because the smooth soles of her boots would not have held up to this deluge. I have serious concerns about the one on Violet’s foot as it is, but I don’t bother offering to take it again—I know she’ll never let me.

Xaden Riorson is still glaring at us with hatred. I can feel his eyes on me, but I don’t spare him even a glance. Violet is stepping up to the first rider now, offering her name. “Violet Sorrengail.” They’re struggling to keep the scroll dry as they scribble it down.

“Sorrengail?” The rider looks up, his eyebrows rising in surprise. “As in General Sorrengail?”

“Not at all,” I smile charmingly behind her. “It’s just a common surname.” He looks at me disbelievingly and as Vi turns to do the same, I shrug. It was worth a try.

“Remi Sorrengail.” I say, rolling my eyes as I go back to studying the parapet. Rhiannon has almost disappeared into the spray by now, more than a quarter of the way across. I can only just see her.

“I thought she only had the one daughter?” The other rider asks, dragging my attention back to them.

I bark out a laugh. “Oh, she fucking wishes.”

“We get that a lot.” Violet adds.

I’m still studiously avoiding looking down, my heart rate creeping up and up and up as the rain falls harder and the wind begins to howl. I’m going to die. This is—Violet is in front of me, I’m probably going to have to watch my sister die and then I’m going to die. Gods.

Vi steps up onto the parapet, gripping the stone wall as another gust of wind hits, knocking her sideways against the opening in the turret and sending my anxiety skyrocketing.

“And you think you’ll be able to ride?” The asshole candidate from before mocks her. “Some Sorrengail, with that kind of balance. I pity whate—”

He stops short as I whirl around, a dagger going from one of the sheaths at my ribcage to my hand in the blink of an eye. I step forward in the same movement and before he can even think to step backward, my blade is at his throat. He towers above me—not as tall as Riorson, but almost—and I have just enough presence of mind not to follow through with the upward movement and perform a tracheotomy.

“It’s funny. I vividly recall telling you to shut the fuck up.” He glares down at me in agitation. My heart is beating so hard I can hear it in my ears. All the terror I felt looking out at the parapet has now become dark, furious anger and it’s taking hold of me.

I let my hand move upwards and to the left slightly, staring him down. I’m insanely aware of the fact that Riorson has stepped closer once more, level with me but off to the side and it’s making my hair stand on end. “What’s stopping me from just pushing you off?” The idiot in front of me says, raising his hands as if he plans to do exactly that.

Before he can, I push the blade toward his throat. “Do you feel that little flutter, just here?” I croon, pressing the knife in just enough to draw a bead of blood. “That’s your carotid artery.” I inform him quietly. “You can push me off, but a few minutes later you’ll be following me into Malek’s arms.” I smile dangerously.

“Consider this your final warning, asshole. You can leave my sister and I alone or I will make sure you don’t see another sunrise—you hear me?” My lip curls back and I’m sure I must look like a drenched, rabid animal, but maybe that’s for the best. The idiot in front of me is finally looking hesitant.

“I thought so.” I say softly, tilting my head. At that moment, thunder cracks, wind slams into the side of my body and I hear my sister scream. I chance a glance behind me, my heart in my throat, watching as Violet falls, her hands clutching at the parapet.

The wind roars again and it buffets her body, almost as if it’s trying intentionally to push her off. I glance up, my blade still held aloft, to see the sky swirling darkly. “Oh, fuck you, mother.” Without another thought, I turn, barely catching a glimpse of Riorson’s heated gaze on the side of my face, and run. I leap up onto the parapet, trying to keep my core stable as I chew up the distance between my sister and I as fast as possible.

Don’t look down, don’t look down, don’t look down. My dagger is back in it’s rightful place at my ribcage and I move swiftly but surely along the narrow surface. I have better balance than Violet, but none of her endurance. She’s faster than me, but I have a more tactical mind. In the same way our personalities are almost polar opposites, so are our abilities. If I can just get to her, I can make sure she doesn’t fall.

Violet has already climbed back to her feet and is steadily making her way further along the parapet, her arms spread wide for balance once more. I’m almost at her back, three fourths of the way along, when the hair on the back of my neck stands on end. Warily, I turn, and I hate myself for not foreseeing this. The idiot from before is charging down the parapet faster than I did, eating up the distance between us.

“Vi,” I say softly, knowing she’s not aware of my presence yet. She startles, wobbling a little and I quickly reach out to steady her by her pack. “I don’t want to rush you but we need to run. We need to get off this wall.” She glances behind me and her eyes go wide. Without further prompting she begins to hurry much faster than before. I don’t bother to turn and look. I can’t move any faster than she does, regardless.

My heart is pounding in my ears again and I draw one of my blades free, gripping it tightly just in case, though I know the much larger man behind us could just throw me from the parapet. Violet is mumbling to herself under her breath, something to keep her distracted, and I suck in a sharp breath as another gust of wind slams into us and her foot slips—the one with Rhiannon’s fucking boot on it. I quickly hold onto her once more by her pack, letting go as she steadies herself.

The guy behind us is screaming at us but I can’t even make out the words, too focused on making sure Violet makes it off this damn thing and into the citadel ahead. She runs and so do I, stumbling after her as she throws herself through the gap between the walls and down off the elevated parapet into the courtyard where two more riders are waiting to take our names.

I feel the guy’s hand grasping my pack and my body pulls up short, jerked backward. I slash at him with my dagger and as he lets go, a roar leaving his mouth, I tumble down past my sister onto the ground. When I roll over, pulse thrumming, I find Violet with her dagger indenting his breeches, the pointed tip pressing against his balls.

I smirk, my eyes meeting his challengingly—because truly, I don’t know when to stop. Maybe I’m just as stupid as he is.

“It is unlawful for a rider to cause another harm while in quadrant formation or in the supervisory presence of a superior-ranking cadet.” My sister begins to recite from the codex. I laugh, a grin stretching across my face. “As it will diminish the efficacy of the wing…” I mouth the words along with her as she continues, glancing across to the rider taking down the details of those who’ve managed to cross.

“Name?” She drawls, as if it’s the least interesting thing she’s seen all day. She’s got fiery red hair and her cloak denotes her as a third-year. “You guys are pretty small for riders, but it looks like you made it.”

I bristle. “Violet and Remi Sorrengail.” I answer for the both of us, my twin’s attention still firmly on the idiot still balanced on the end of the parapet, his hand bleeding where I slashed him. “And before you ask, yes. We have unfortunate family ties.”

The woman raises an eyebrow. “I wouldn’t call it unfortunate, but sure.” She glances over at Violet. “I’m not surprised, given that manoeuvre.” I roll my eyes. We’ve been flogging ourselves for months to learn anything we could to survive in here—that wasn’t some natural talent Vi possesses and it wasn’t something mother taught her either. That was thanks to Major Gillstead if anyone.

“And what’s your name?” The third-year asks again, her gaze drifting upward.

“Jack Barlowe.” Ordinary name, ordinary man. He’s staring down at Vi and I with malice and I know, I just know we’re going to have to watch our backs with him from now on. Probably my fault…mostly.

“Well Jack,” the other rider who’d remained silent until now begins, “Cadet Sorrengail has you by the actual balls here, in more ways than one. She’s right. Regs state that there’s nothing but respect among riders at formation—you want to kill her, you’ll have to do it in the sparring ring or on your own time.” I’m certain he’ll try. “That is, if she decides to let you off the parapet.” I perk up at that, slowly rising to my feet. “Because technically, you’re not on the grounds yet, so you are not a cadet. They are.”

“And if I decide to snap her neck the second I step down?” Jack growls and I trade a glance with my sister. I believe him—he’s definitely considering it. What a piece of work.

“Death by dragon fire.” I answer for him, smiling pleasantly. My own blade is still clutched in my hand and I sidle up to Violet.

“What’s it going to be, Sorrengail?” The male rider asks. “You going to have Jack here start as a eunuch?”

I snort. “Do it, Vi.” I suggest. “He can’t possibly hate us any more than he already does.” Violet turns to glower at me, huffing out a breath of frustration.

“Are you going to follow the rules?” She asks Jack instead.

“I guess I don’t have a choice.” He sneers. I roll my eyes, stepping back as Violet lets him through, his shoulder bumping with hers. His voice is low as he leans in close to her, but his eyes—his eyes remain on me. “You’re dead, Sorrengail, and I’m going to be the one to kill you.”

“Not today.” Vi responds and I laugh again, my head tipping back to look at the sky.

“Come on,” I drag Violet away, heading in the opposite direction of Jack. There are cadets everywhere, both newly minted ones and second and third-years too.

“You have got to be kidding me right now!” She hisses, stomping after me as the rain eases into a drizzle. Suspicion confirmed then. “You have absolutely no survival instincts whatsoever!” She sends me a withering glare. I pull her over toward a secluded bench, dropping onto the ground next to it so I can lay flat, covering my face with my hands.

The adrenaline is rushing out of me, leaving me weary and shaking, not to mention with no strength in my legs. As I lay there, we’re joined by Rhiannon who races over to hug Vi tightly, giving her shoulders a squeeze. “We made it!” She grins excitedly and I groan. “I can’t thank you enough, there were at least three times I would have fallen off if you hadn’t helped me.” The other girl goes off on a tangent, chattering away and I tune her out.

“Sit down,” I warn Vi, peaking out from behind my hand to find her turning white as a ghost. I know from experience she’s starting to feel nauseous and shaky too. She won’t remain upright much longer.

“Are you ok?” Rhiannon asks and it takes me a moment to realise she’s talking to me.

“Fine.” I murmur. “Just survived a murder attempt by my own mother, no big deal.”

Her lips twitch like she isn’t quite sure how to take that and I sigh, covering my face again. I wonder if Violet’s put it together that that’s what happened out there?

“Violet?”

I groan again, pressing both palms into my eyes. For fuck’s sake. I lift one to peek out, squinting at the man towering over my form on the ground. He seems…about the same. His gaze flicks down to me and he looks even angrier than he did a second earlier. I waggle my fingers in a sarcastic wave. “Hi Dan!”

He glowers.

“What the hell are you doing here?” He asks and in a split second it’s like I don’t exist again. Fantastic, just the way I like it.

“Dain,” Violet says, her voice soft. “It’s good to see you.” The words have barely left her mouth when her knees give out and she falls, right into Dain Aetos’ fucking arms. Come on, Zihnal, seriously? I sigh.

“Damn it, Violet.” He mutters and lowers her to the bench where I’d told her to sit her ass down earlier.

“I’m going to be sick.” She mutters and I watch as Dain pushes her head between her knees. He starts rubbing circles on her lower back and I sigh again, wondering what it would be like to have someone comfort me for once. Anyone else, that is. Not him.

“Who the hell are you?” He asks Rhiannon harshly and I bark out a laugh.

“I’m Rhiannon. I’m Violet’s…friend.”

“Ouch, Rhi.” I say sarcastically. “And here I thought we had a special bond.” I almost laugh at the look on her face, but manage to hold it in.

“I see you haven’t changed.” He looks down on me both literally and figuratively all at once.

“I see you’re still alive.” I retort. “We all have dreams.” I clamber to my feet, ignoring the way my vision goes black, pretending I can still see. After a moment the blood begins to flow around my body properly once more and I stride away, leaving my sister in her best friend’s illustrious company. He’s already arguing with Rhiannon and I wonder how long it will be before he drives her new friend away from her. Probably not long.

I find another spot out in the courtyard to sit, along one of the perimeter walls. The rain has stopped now and the clouds are breaking apart, sunshine filtering through. I shake my head, feeling like I want to cry. Why? Why would our mother want us dead so badly? And on top of that, could she really not wait for Basgiath to do it for her?

A shadow casts over me and I blink my eyes open to find two men looming above me, blocking my sun. The one casting a shadow has a single brow arched. They’re like night and day—both handsome, but in different ways. The one looking at me with interest has tawny skin and head of riotous black curls. His deep brown eyes are warm, but something about him is niggling the back of my mind—he seems familiar.

“I saw you threatening that guy before the parapet—badass.” It’s the other man who speaks up with a grin. “I was hoping you made it across.” He has light blond hair and blue eyes and when mine dart over him in interest, I notice a rebellion relic curling out of his sleeve. I tense, watching him warily. He doesn’t let it bother him, though I know he notices.

It’s not as though anyone could blame me, after having met Xade—I pause, my eyes trailing back over the first man sharply. “Bodhi Durran.” He introduces himself, confirming my suspicions. He’s Riorson’s cousin. His cloak tells me he’s a second-year.

“Liam Mairi.” The blond follows suit, holding out a hand. I shake it slowly, not bothering to get up.

“Remi.” I offer, believing my surname to be redundant. If it isn’t, I sure as hell am not about to tell them, regardless of how inevitable it is that everyone will find out.

“This girl threatened someone?” Bodhi raises an eyebrow, looking down at me with confusion. I know what he’s thinking—I know what I look like—so I let it roll off my back.

“I was a few places behind you in the line,” Liam explains. “Did your sister make it across too? That was your sister with you, right?”

I nod. “Yeah. That was my sister, Vi. She’s…” I trail off. “Off with her friends.” I finish and if my voice comes out a little bitter well, that’s just me.

Bodhi’s slight frown deepens. “Your sister just left you?”

My lips twitch. “Technically I left her. But she checked out,” I tap my head, “the second her best friend showed up so, I guess it depends on how you look at it.”

Liam’s head is turned back facing the other direction and he’s squinting into the sunlight. “I think I’m looking at it right now,” he says and I lean around Bodhi’s legs, looking across the courtyard to where Violet is ducking into one of the towers, Dain close behind.

“Yeah.” I smile up at them sarcastically.

“I’d leave too.” Bodhi drawls and I let out a surprised laugh, eyeing him curiously.

“I take it you’ve had the pleasure?”

His smile is humorous. “It’s kind of hard to avoid him.” He rakes a hand through his curls. He has an almost boyish sort of charm about him. “I’ve only been here a year and I already want to strangle him.”

I want to ask why he hasn’t, but I doubt he’ll answer so I don’t bother. “The secret is annoying him so much, he can’t stand to be around you. Then he’ll take any opportunity to leave your presence.” I offer.

“But with your sister in tow?” Liam asks and I grimace.

“Vi likes him better than me anyway. I wouldn’t put that on him.” I say softly, looking back down at my feet.

“Well,” Liam throws himself to the ground next to me. “Consider me your first Riders Quadrant friend.”

My eyes widen and I look at him like he’s lost his mind. “I don’t…” My eyes dart up to Bodhi and then back across to Liam. “I don’t think you want to do that.”

“Why not?” He asks and honestly he’s like a puppy, his head even tilts to the side. Everything about him is basically begging me to like him and I’m close to relenting.

“I’m rude and sarcastic and generally bitter and depressed.” I warn him. “I get angry way too fast and I’m probably the most annoying person you’ve ever met.”

Bodhi snorts, grinning down at us. “Don’t worry, we’re used to that.”

I frown. I have no idea what that means. “I’m probably going to die sooner rather than later, so it’s really not worth you bothering.” I try.

“I don’t believe that.” Liam says evenly. “I watched you nearly bleed a guy out before you even crossed the parapet.”

Bodhi’s eyebrows reach his hairline. That was because I took the guy by surprise, not because we were fighting hand to hand like we will be on the sparring mats, but I’m not going to detail my weaknesses to them.

“My mother oversaw your parents’ executions.” I finally say, parroting Xaden’s words back at them.

“Do you believe in punishing children for their parents’ actions?” Bodhi finally asks, crouching down in front of me, a foot away from my knees.

No.

I don’t even have to speak the word aloud because somehow they know, I can tell. I do it anyway because someone should. “No child deserves what was done to you.” I keep my voice low, Mira’s warning still ringing through my mind. This is command’s sandbox.

“Good.”

Why are they so determined to make a friend out of me? My brow furrows as I study them. Is it some kind of long game to get me to drop my guard so they can kill me more easily later? And if it is, do I even care? Undecided, I resign myself to putting up with them until I’m placed into a squad at least.

We’re joined by another couple of people in passing, all with rebellion relics as more and more candidates become cadets, completing the parapet crossing. Bodhi is on my other side now, his back against the wall and it seems like he’s the rallying point for the marked ones. He greets each of them and then sends them off, pointing them toward various other marked riders in the courtyard.

“Oh!” I blurt out, an hour in, finally realising why he isn’t just inviting them to sit down with us. “There’s that rule about three people.” I look at him for confirmation. “I didn’t even think about it.” That must get so annoying. God forbid a bunch of twenty year olds kick off another rebellion, right? Belatedly I wince, realising how privileged and obnoxious I must have sounded just now.

“It’s stupid.” Liam huffs, ignoring Bodhi’s sharp look over the top of my head.

“Mmm,” I hum, unable to do anything but agree.

Another hour passes by and I find myself discussing my childhood with Liam, comparing our upbringings. His life before the rebellion sounds like a dream…although his parents had never tried to kill him, so I suppose that sets the bar pretty low. Anyway, it didn’t sound like he had been eating military rations for holiday meals so there’s that.

Of course, his life after the rebellion was markedly worse, so it more than evened out the scale. Though he does speak fondly of his foster brother under Duke Lindell in Tirvainne, not that he gives any names.

“Have you really not been training for this your whole life?” He asks curiously, for the second time and I sigh.

“I swear, up until six months ago I was going to enter the Healers Quadrant. I wanted to save lives…and maybe get the hell out of here.” I let my head hit the wall again. “I’m not built for this place.”

Bodhi looks me up and down. “You definitely aren’t.”

“You’re not supposed to agree!” I whack him in the arm. He mutters something under his breath that might have included the word ‘women’, but I wasn’t able to catch it. “Do you think we’ll get underway soon?” I groan, cracking my neck. “This ground is killing me.” I’m so tired, I feel like I could fall asleep right here. You know, if it wasn’t for the ever-present threat of being killed in my sleep.

“I’d say so.” Bodhi murmurs and his tone has my head flying back up. The three riders from the other turret, Xaden among them, are walking into the courtyard. I notice the other riders all give him a wide berth, like blades of grass parting for a creeping predator. He strides up onto the dais at the front of the courtyard with lethal grace and I watch him hungrily. An asshole he might be, but a good looking one all the same.

“Stop that.” Bodhi laughs and I school my face into an innocent look.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” I murmur, but it turns into a smirk as Xaden turns on the spot, looking our way darkly. I give him the same little sarcastic wave I did Dain, wiggling my fingers from my spot in between his cousin and Liam.

They stand and I follow suit, trailing after them toward everyone else. Commandant Panchek is standing up on the stage, smiling down at us. He congratulates us and then begins telling us all how many people survived the parapet and how many people did not. I quickly do the math in my head.

“That’s a twenty percent rate of attrition.” I mutter. I’m sure it was the rain that had those numbers up so high compared to last year. It would be damn sight easier to cross a dry parapet with no wind. So my darling mother might have killed a bunch of other people’s children too—fantastic.

Commandant Panchek is trying to give some kind of motivational speech I think? And failing miserably. All he’s saying is how dangerous it is here and how we might die—why are people looking proud? What a bunch of morons.

Bodhi disappears from my side as the senior wingleader, a woman named Nyra, takes over the talking. They’re going to start sorting us into our squads and I crane my neck so I can see where Dain is standing. Is it wrong that I almost want to leave Vi to her devices? Only almost, though.

The asshole from the parapet is called into Flame Section of the First Wing and as they read off the rest of the names I’m murmuring under my breath, “please not me, please not me, please not me.” Liam is laughing silently next to me, his head tilted down so no one can see.

They get to the Second Wing and I hear my sister’s name called to Second Squad, Flame Section. Rhiannon’s name is called after that and I tense up, waiting. Nothing. I try and catch her gaze as she walks by but she’s entirely too focused on Dain.

I know it would have been ridiculous to have both of us end up in the same squad—that maybe it would have raised a lot of eyebrows—and I hadn’t wanted to be under Dain’s purview, but it still feels a little like abandonment. I should have expected it.

I swallow harshly, looking down. Liam squeezes my arm next to me. It’s not until the last name is read out for Third Wing and it’s not me that I realise what is happening. My head snaps back up and I meet dark obsidian eyes across the courtyard. “Tail Section, Second Squad. Remi Sorrengail.” I’m in the Fourth Wing. “Liam Mairi,” I’m jolted forward as Liam tugs on my arm, dragging me to where we’re supposed to assemble. A breath of relief leaves me as I realise I’ll have at least one familiar face.

The sun is beating down on us harshly and I can feel myself growing dizzy once more, my vision darkening a little at the edges. I can only hope this will be over soon enough. I look back up at Xaden, not sure when he made the transition in my head from surname to first name. He’s watching me with a calculating look and as I watch him back, his eyes drop down to where Liam’s gripping my arm still.

I can see the annoyance it stirs in him and when he finally meets my eye again, I channel years of experience messing with Dain and lift my chin, sending him the most rage inducing, self-satisfied smile I can muster.

He cocks his scarred eyebrow. Then he says something to Second Wing’s wingleader next to him, and then every wingleader joins in on what is obviously a heated discussion.

“What are you doing?” Liam murmurs, dragging out the last word.

“Nothing.” I say innocently, still smiling.

Finally they seem to come to an agreement and all of the wingleaders turn around to face us. Xaden’s lips are tilting upward victoriously and I narrow my eyes.

“Dain Aetos, you and your squad will switch with Aura Beinhaven’s.” The senior wingleader announces and my smile instantly drops. He wouldn’t…what am I thinking, of course he would. I turn to find my sister and her friend following Dain over to join our wing. Threat received, loud and clear.

I turn back to the dais, glaring up at him. Asshole, I mouth.

Vi walks past me and I see the fear in her eyes as she realises what’s happening. Dain’s squad takes their place in their new formation and I bite my lip, watching her with concern. When I look back up, Xaden is smirking arrogantly, but his eyes aren’t on me, they’re on her.

He continues to stare at her until the senior wingleader steps back and he moves seamlessly to the front of the dais to address the crowd. “Take a look at your squad. These are the only people guaranteed by codex not to kill you. But just because they can’t end your life, doesn’t mean others won’t. You want a dragon? Earn one.” People around me are cheering but honestly? I never wanted a dragon and I still don’t. I just want to be anywhere else, far, far away from here.

My eyes blur and I avoid looking at Xaden or listening to anything else he has to say. Suddenly I hear a sound I’m all too familiar with, living at Basgiath—the sound of wingbeats. I watch as a riot of dragons come into view, flying straight for us at speed. When they’re about to fly overhead, they pitch vertically, powerful wings buffeting the air, and stop; landing on the outer semicircular wall.

It’s the closest I’ve ever been to a dragon and they all look magnificent—and deadly. None more so than the massive navy-blue one directly in front of us. Steam blasts our faces as it exhales through its wide nostrils. Glistening blue horns rise above its head in an elegant, lethal sweep and my mouth drops open a little in awe. “Stunning.” I whisper, the word leaving my mouth unbidden. My fingers are itching for my charcoals.

It blinks, tilting its head as if it heard and understood exactly what I’d whispered. I wonder if it’s male or female. A frisson of fear runs through me as it continues studying me almost languidly.

I jump as a dragon to the side of us opens its mouth and blasts flames out toward the cadets. People are screaming. I lock my limbs and remain standing upright through sheer force of will; perhaps stupidly, holding the navy dragon’s gaze. It chuffs, a sound I’d almost call a laugh if it were human.

“Anyone else feel like changing their mind?” Xaden shouts, scanning the remaining rows of cadets and from the look in his eye I just know, this is his dragon—the one Mira warned us about. It’s certainly one of the biggest I’ve ever seen, that’s for sure. “No? Excellent. Roughly half of you will be dead by this time next summer.” The formation is almost silent, though I can hear someone crying. I feel like crying. I’m almost certain I’ll be a part of that fifty percent.

“A third of you again the year after that,” Xaden continues, “and the same your last year. No one cares who your mummy or daddy is here. Even King Tauri’s second son died during his Threshing.” I get it ok, I’m going to die. The least he can do is get it over with instead of reminding everyone else.

I grind my teeth together as Xaden continues talking, trying to push down the fear in my gut. I bite clear through my gum as he says, “you’re not untouchable or special to them.” He points toward the navy dragon, his eyes somewhere to my right. I’m almost certain he’s locking eyes with Violet once more. “To them, you’re just prey.”

Well the fuck aware.

Chapter Text

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The next morning I stand in formation, listening with half an ear to Captain Fitzgibbons reading the death roll. Yesterday after having received our basic uniforms from central issue, I had tried to talk to Violet but she wasn’t really interested. Instead she insisted she turn in early.

The first-year barracks are huge, one hundred and fifty six people in total taking up the four rows of beds in our first floor dormitory alone. I managed to snag a bed next to my sister but that was about all. She wasn’t interested in making conversation. I had waited until it was dark and quiet to let my tears fall, my chest aching as I wept. I’m not strong or adaptable like Violet, I can’t just deal with all of this. It’s too much.

At breakfast I had tried to talk to her again but only received one word answers. Maybe she was just nervous for our first day, maybe it’s what I deserve after all these years, I don’t know. Could I have been nicer to her before all of this? Sure. I still would have hoped she’d put me first anyway, before her new friend and her childhood crush.

I had never wished for Brennan more than in that moment—sitting across from my sister in an unfamiliar place, watching her practically ignore my existence.

After breakfast I had joined Liam at formation, preferring his cheerful chatter to Vi’s silence, in a turn of events that was entirely unlike me. As Fitzgibbons closes the roll, finally finished rattling off the names of those who had perished, Liam leans in close.

“Your sister still not talking to you?” He asks, concerned.

I shrug. “It’s not…it’s fine. We’re not that close anyway.” We’re not, but it hurts all the same.

“I haven’t seen my sister in years.” He says. “I still wouldn’t leave her alone in here.” His brow is turned down in a frown, a look so unlike him that I mirror it.

“It’s…I’m sure she loves me.” I say, even though I’m not. “She just doesn’t like me. Being related doesn’t mean you’re going to get along.” It’s easy to force the words out, I’ve been repeating them to myself for a long, long time. "I've never...I haven't made it easy for her."

We wander back inside, moving to grab our things from the dorms. We have twenty minutes to get to class. I pause, one foot through the door as I hear an unmistakable bird call. I shake it off, my legs moving again as we make our way inside.

I throw some sketch paper in my pack along with some charcoal, thinking I might have time to get some of my art onto page if classes get truly boring. I bring the rest of my essentials, the lightweight summer pants flowing around me as I move, restricted only by my boots as I head back toward the doors where Liam waits.

Rhiannon passes me as I leave my bed and I see she’s grabbing Violet’s things too. She offers me a quiet smile, which I try and return, despite not leaving her with the best impression yesterday.

Liam leads the way out into the rotunda, intending to criss-cross through to the academic wing. We have history first up and then Battle Brief. After lunch…sparring. I’d quickly wrapped my ankles in the bathroom this morning, knowing I’d need it if I wanted to move around enough to fight without injuring myself too badly. I’d have liked to do my wrists as well but it would be too visible, create too much of a target to be feasible.

I stop short as I notice my sister frozen in the middle of the hall, like a sheep before a dragon, her eyes locked on Xaden Riorson. He’s studying her, his head tilted to the side and my traitorous mind notices all of his muscles are on display where his arms are across his chest, rebellion relic bared for all to see.

He glances to the side and then back at her, arching a brow. I follow his gaze and find Dain stepping out from behind a pillar, his brow furrowing in confusion as he sees Violet standing stock still in the middle of the hall. She must inform him they’re being watched because his head snaps up in the most obvious manner ever and he steps closer to her protectively.

“Idiots,” I murmur to myself. Well, myself and Liam who is apparently still standing next to me.

“Come on, let’s go.” He mutters, pulling me along. I step slowly after him, my feet only speeding up as I hear Xaden call out to my sister and her squad leader.

“I already knew your parents are tight, but do you two have to be so fucking obvious?”

“Well he’s not wrong,” I murmur and laughter bursts out of Liam, the sound echoing throughout the busy hall. He throws an arm around my shoulder and he’s still snickering as we head into the academic wing, preparing to climb the stairs to our first class of the day. I smile a little, but don’t manage a laugh. Even though I’m facing forward, my attention is still behind me where I can feel eyes drilling into my back.

We sit at the back of history class, one we share with two other squads—one from Third Wing and one from First. It’s only first-years present and I spend most of the time listening with one ear, neither answering nor asking any questions. I’m keeping busy putting charcoal to paper, the navy blue dragon from yesterday coming to life before me on the page, albeit in black and white.

I’m thankful my art form is easier to hide than Liam’s. He’d disclosed to me before that he enjoyed woodworking, but there was no way for him to manage that in class without the professors noticing. I probably should be paying more attention to my squad mates and those around us, figuring out who they are, learning their names, but right now I just don’t have the patience.

After history we filter out into the hallway, meeting up with a few other squads who also had history with another professor in a room adjacent to ours; Vi’s squad being one of them. We all proceed down the stairs and to the end of the academic hall. There’s a large circular room there; by far the largest classroom I’ve ever seen. It fits every single cadet inside from first-years to third-years and I breathe a sigh of relief as I manage to snag the seat next to Violet, Liam sitting on my other side and Rhiannon on hers.

She doesn’t say a word to me, just nods in greeting before setting up her paper and ink. I grit my teeth, blinking back my emotions. I know I upset her yesterday, threatening that guy from First Wing and putting a target on our backs, but the silent treatment still, really?

Professor Devera is standing at the front of the room with Professor Markham in front of a twenty-foot-high map of the Continent intricately labelled with our defensive outposts along the borders. Dozens of mage lamps are illuminated, providing enough light for me to see everyone’s faces.

She’s lecturing us on politics and what it means to be a rider and I allow my attention to wander. I don’t dare take out my charcoals here in full view of her. To my right, alongside Violet and Rhiannon are first-years I recognise as belonging to the rest of her squad. To my left, past Liam, is the only other first-year I recognise from ours—a woman named Sage. She’d sat next to us in history. She seems nice enough, though I’m not sure I trust her yet.

As Devera continues talking about the importance of this class, I see Violet out the corner of my eye, lean over and whisper something to Rhiannon. I steadfastly refuse to look at her, keeping my eyes directly ahead on Devera and Markham who are now whispering to each other too. Markham’s head whips in our direction and I sigh in unison with him, for a different reason of course. He probably thinks we’re both going to die. I think we’re both going to die sooner if he keeps staring and has everyone in here thinking we’re favoured.

After Markham introduces himself to the first years who haven’t met him personally, we move onto the first topic of the day. “The Eastern Wing experienced an attack last night near the village of Chakir by a drift of Braevi gryphons and riders.” Vi begins studiously taking notes next to me but I relax back in my chair, content to just listen.

“Naturally, some information is redacted for security purposes, but what we can tell you is that the wards faltered along the Esben Mountains.” Devera expands the mage light, illuminating the area on the map. “Allowing the drift to not only enter Navarrian territory but for their riders to channel and wield sometime around midnight.”

We’re not on high alert, so I assume they got the wards rewoven, but it seems…odd. “Not a very tactical place to launch an attack if you’re a drift of gryphon riders—they’re not exactly dragons.” I murmur to Liam under my breath. He shifts almost uncomfortably and I assume he doesn’t want to get caught talking under Devera’s watchful eye so I lean back, sprawling in my chair again.

“Thirty-seven civilians were killed in the attack in the hour before a squad from the Eastern Wing could arrive, but the riders and dragons managed to repel the drift.” Professor Devera folds her arms over her chest. “Based on that information, what questions would you ask? I only want answers from first-years to start.”

What did they want, probably, and did they get it? The only reason any drift would be attacking in such an ill advised location, one that plays against their strengths, is because they needed to. They needed something there. My mind is flying ahead at a million miles a minute, analysing the map before us and attempting to account for such a strange occurrence.

“Come on first-years, show me you have more than just good balance. Show me you have the critical-thinking skills to be here,” Devera demands. “It’s more important than ever that you’re ready for what’s beyond our borders.”

I want to open my mouth but I know, I know Mira warned us not to draw attention to ourselves. “Is this the first time the wards have faltered?” A first-year a couple of rows ahead of us (who I recognise from history class as belonging to the Third Wing) asks. Frustration rolls through me. How can everyone else be so many steps behind me? I don’t understand how their minds haven’t already leapt to the logical conclusion.

Professor Devera and Markham share a look before she turns back toward the cadet and replies, “no.” The room falls quiet.

The girl clears her throat. “And how…often are they faltering?”

Professor Markham’s shrewd eyes narrow on her. “That’s above your pay grade, cadet.” He turns his attention to our section. “Next relevant question to the attack we’re discussing.”

“How many casualties did the wing suffer?” A first-year down our row to the right of my sister asks. I think they might be in her squad but I’m not sure. I’m unable to stop the frustrated sigh from leaving my lips.

“One injured dragon, one dead rider.” Another murmur rises in the hall. I really don’t think it’s that remarkable given attacks on outposts are happening more regularly now, but what do I know.

“Why would you ask that particular question?” Professor Devera asks the cadet.

“To know how many reinforcements they'll need.” He answers and Professor Devera nods. I sigh, agitatedly, shifting in my seat. Why are none of them asking any of the important questions—are they stupid?

A guy in Violet’s squad has his hand up and Devera turns to him next with an expectant expression, but as soon as she’s facing him, he lowers his hand. “Did you want to ask a question?”

“Yes.” He nods and then almost immediately shakes his head. “No. Never mind.”

“So decisive.” A woman with long brown hair—hanging loose mind you—mocks him, much to the laughter of everyone around us.

“He’s in our squad,” another one of them says. “Show some loyalty.” I’m beginning to feel bad for my sister if this is the shit she’s going to have to put up with all day. These people are intolerable.

“Please. No dragon is—”

I groan aloud, my head tipping back. “For fucks sake, shut up.” The room falls silent, everyone’s eyes turning to me; including Devera and Markham. Oh well, if you’re already halfway across the river… “What were they looking for and did they get it?” I snap.

“What makes you think they were looking for something?” Devera counters, a slow smile spreading across her face.

“It’s the only explanation that makes sense.” I raise an eyebrow. “Unless whatever information you’ve redacted changes the variables, that’s an entirely illogical place to launch any form of attack when you’re commanding a drift of gryphons.”

There’s a gleam in her eye now as she studies me, one I’m not sure I like. “You don’t think maybe they just noticed the wards failing and took the opportunity?” Sound in the room reaches a low murmur again.

“You’re telling me the wards failing was a coincidence and a drift of gryphons and their riders just happened to be passing by?” I retort mildly. I know I’m right. Devera knows it too.

“We’re going to take this back a few steps.” Devera says slyly. “For the benefit of everyone else.” Well if everyone wasn’t already annoyed enough with me before, they certainly are now that they’ve been called idiots. What did I tell Liam and Bodhi? It’s like a signet, no dragon required—I manage to irritate everyone in my vicinity. “But Cadet Sorrengail?” Devera holds my gaze. “Good work. You remind me remarkably of your brother.”

The words knock the air from my lungs and I feel Violet tense up beside me, sucking in a sharp breath. I turn to look at her but she’s staring straight ahead, her spine rigid, not moving a muscle. I look down at my lap, biting my lip so hard it bleeds as I try to blink back tears. Liam’s hand lands on my thigh and he squeezes my leg gently beneath the desk.

I look up at him, swallowing harshly. His fingers remain there, grounding me until my eyes no longer shine.

“Why would that be an illogical place to attack?” Devera asks, opening the floor back up to the rest of the first years.

Violet whispers something to Rhiannon and a second later, the dark-skinned girl asks, “what altitude is the village at?”

Devera turns to Markham, waving a hand and he replies, “a little less than ten thousand feet, why?”

“Just a little high for an attack with gryphons, isn’t it?” She says, clearing her throat. “Perhaps that’s what Cadet Sorrengail meant?”

Devera looks unimpressed. “It is a little high for them.” She says, “why don’t you tell me why that’s bothersome other Cadet Sorrengail? And maybe you’d like to ask your own questions from here on out.” She levels a stare at Violet that has her squirming in her seat and I glare back at her with anger. She didn’t have to call Violet out like that. Though I will admit it’s nice to not be the ‘other one’ for once.

“Gryphons aren’t as strong at that altitude and neither is their ability to channel.” My sister says succinctly. “Not only that but the village looks to be…what? An hours flight from our nearest outpost at Chakir?” She glances at the map and then back to Devera. “So they definitely must have known the wards would fail.”

Devera smirks a little. “Any other thoughts to add to that before we move on from Sorrengails?” The room titters with laughter.

“Didn’t you say it took an hour for the squad of riders to arrive?” Violet’s gaze narrows and the professor looks at her expectantly.

“I did.” She confirms.

“Then they were already on their way.” My sister says, her cheeks immediately turning red as laughter sounds around us. It makes me even angrier because I know she’s right—I’d come to that conclusion ten minutes ago when this whole useless question time began.

“Yeah, because that makes sense.” Jack the dickhead from the parapet turns around in his seat from the front row, openly laughing at her. “General Melgren knows the outcome of a battle before it happens, but even he doesn’t know when it will happen, dumbass.” What. An. Idiot.

The chuckling of our classmates intensifies and I can see Violet is mortified. “Fuck off, Barlowe,” Rhiannon snaps. It seems my sister’s idea to trade boots before the parapet has won her a loyal friend and I’m now glad for it.

“I’m not the one who thinks precognition is a thing,” Barlowe retorts with a sneer. “Gods help us if that one ever gets on the back of a dragon.” Another round of laughter. Violet’s turning redder and redder.

“Precognition isn’t a thing, but basic arithmetic is, you complete fucking moron.” I drawl, still sprawled back in my chair. The laughter stops abruptly. I almost expect the professors to chide me on my language but Devera merely sighs long sufferingly.

Violet’s back straightens again and she tilts her chin up. “There’s no logical way for them to get there within an hour of the attack unless they were already on their way.” She sounds confident once more and I watch with pride as she shoots a glare at the idiot in the front row.

“It would take at least half that long to light the beacons in the range and call for help and no full squad is sitting around just waiting to be needed. More than half those riders would have been asleep, which means they were already on their way.” She finishes strongly.

“And why would they already be on their way?” Devera prompts.

“Because they somehow knew the wards were breaking.” She’s right, I know she is just by the look in Devera’s eye, but it doesn’t stop Jack from starting up again below us.

“That’s the most—”

“She’s right.” Professor Devera interrupts and finally, finally a more permanent level of hush falls over the room. “One of the dragons in the wing sensed the faltering ward, and the wing flew.”

I slouch further in my seat, cracking my neck as Devera orders the second and third-years to take over asking the questions. I listen with only half an ear, not planning on paying any further attention until the rest of the room catches up to my initial train of thought.

“You really don’t do things by halves, do you?” Liam whispers next to me and my lips twitch.

“I just get so mad.” I say, keeping my voice low. “I can’t help it, I just find this all so…so frustrating.”

He looks at me knowingly. “You feel like no one can keep up with you.” It’s a statement, not a question. He’s right. I do feel that way. The way my brain works is…it’s hard to cope with. Brennan was the same way, it’s what made him such a great rider and strategist.

That won’t be me, I’m too far behind everyone else in every other aspect, but it’s…it’s comforting and harrowing at the same time to be reminded of the one thing we shared that set us apart from everyone else in our family. My dad used to say Bren and I were two peas in a pod—Bren and Rem.

Violet and Mira are smart; Violet can solve any problem I can, I just do it faster. My brain is quick to see a handful of variables and jump to the likely answer, filling in the gaps later. Violet will think everything through methodically which means she’s slower, but more thorough—sometimes I miss things she doesn’t. In battle though, the way I think—the way Brennan thought—is as valuable as gold. It’s a shame I’ll never put it to good use.

“No one here at least,” I finally reply to Liam, trying to offer him a cheeky smile.

As the words leave my mouth a deep voice sounds from the back of the lecture hall. “What was the condition of the village?”

“Riorson?” Markham asks, squinting through the mage lights as if he doesn’t recognise Xaden’s voice in his bones. That must just be a me thing. I turn in my chair slightly.

“The village.” He restates. “Professor Devera said the damage would have been worse, but what was the actual condition? Was it burned? Was it destroyed? They wouldn’t demolish it if they were trying to establish a foothold, rather than searching for something like Sorrengail suggested. So the condition of the village matters when trying to determine a motive for the attack.”

And that’s what I mean about missing things by jumping right to the most likely conclusion. I turn around to make a face at him anyway, annoyed at the implication I might be wrong. “The buildings they’d already gone through were burned, and the rest were being looted when the wing arrived.” Devera says and she’s smiling in approval. I grin smugly, not turning around to look at him again.

“It’s not a gem mining district, so they weren’t looking for riches. So the question is still what do we have that they want so badly?” Xaden finally asks what I’ve been dying to know for the entire lesson.

“Exactly. That’s the question.” Devera glances around the room. “And that right there is why Riorson’s a wingleader. You need more than strength and courage to be a good rider.” She looks at me meaningfully, as if she thinks that could be me one day. I laugh under my breath.

“So what’s the answer?” Sage is the one who asks, a sliver of irritation in her voice.

“We don’t know,” Professor Devera answers with a shrug and I let my forehead fall forward into my hand, my elbow resting on the desk. This entire class was a complete and utter waste of my time. Why couldn’t they just say that earlier when I asked? There’s forty-five minutes of my life I won’t get back.

When the class ends fifteen minutes later and it’s time for lunch, I pull myself out of my chair, not having to pack anything away because I didn’t take any notes. Violet’s already hauling ass down the stairs and I assume my attitude in this class has done me no favours with her.

Professor Devera calls out to me just as I hit the landing. “Try and keep a tighter rein on your temper in class, Sorrengail. You’ll probably be frustrated a majority of the time in Battle Brief.” I don’t suppose that means I can skip it, so I simply nod, continuing on my way out the door, Liam following after me.

“Gods, that class is so—” I only make it halfway down the hall before I’m wrenched to the side, someone’s fingers gripping my wrist tightly, fingernails digging into my skin. “Ouch!” I hiss, trying to twist my arm free as I’m pulled into an alcove. “What the fuck?” I’m reaching for a dagger in the next movement but they grab my other wrist, preventing me from drawing it.

My eyes dart upward to find Dain glaring down at me, looking furious. “Are you trying to get your sister killed?” He barks, his voice low. “Stop drawing attention to yourself.”

“Mind your own fucking business.” I say, struggling against him.

“She—” He stops short as one of my daggers presses into the skin of his wrist threateningly.

“Let her go.” Liam says calmly, having stepped up behind me and pulled a blade from its sheath at my ribcage.

“This doesn’t concern you.” Dain replies, throwing a disgusted look at the relic on Liam’s bare arm, curling down towards his hand.

“I don’t concern you.” I snarl, bringing my knee up into his groin. He falls back, his face twisted up into a grimace but his hands remain on my wrists. “If you don’t let go of me, I swear to Malek I’m going to—” I go quiet, the hair on the back of my neck rising. Slowly, I turn my head to the side and find Xaden fucking Riorson leaning back against the wall opposite, his arms crossed over his chest and a tiny, amused smirk tilting his lips.

“Oh, go on. It was just about to get interesting.” He waves a hand. There’s about an inch of space between Liam and I and a foot between myself and Dain. I grit my teeth. I don’t have the muscle strength to force Dain to let go of me…but I do have just enough to force his hand up into the dagger Liam is threatening him with.

“I can hit a target from twenty yards away.” I murmur quietly, ignoring Xaden for now. “You won’t even see my blade coming before it’s through your frontal cortex.” I threaten. “You’re letting go of me today either way,” I glare up at him, “it’s what happens after that’s up for debate.”

“Your sister—”

“Isn’t here.” I smile sweetly. “And she won’t be there when you die either. Who do you think is going to tell her it was me?” I ask sarcastically, “him?” I jerk my head in Xaden’s direction.

“You’re a piece of work.” Dain sneers, his jaw working angrily.

I slam my wrists upward, feeling the ligaments strain as Dain fights back, but not soon enough. His hand slams into my blade, Liam not moving an inch and it slices through his skin. He lets go but in doing so he shoves me into the wall, my body turning unnaturally. I feel my knee pop as I slam into the stone, my toes having pointed one direction while my upper body went the other.

I lift my foot immediately, taking the weight off my leg as agony rips through me. I keep my eyes open, watching warily as Liam steps forward again, his face cold and unfamiliar as he moves in front of me.

“Fuck off, Dan.” I groan, trying not to let any of the pain show on my face or in my voice. Liam’s lips twitch, just slightly. Dain steps forward so fast it’s almost a lunge and my heart leaps into my throat, fear overtaking me. Liam said yesterday he was a decent fighter, having been taught by his foster brother at Duke Lindell’s, but Dain is a second-year and a legacy at that. I don’t want Liam getting hurt because of me.

I needn’t have worried. In a fraction of a second, Xaden has crossed the floor and pulled Dain back by his jacket, flinging him sideways almost as easily as Dain had done to me. “I think it’s time for you to leave, squad leader.” He says casually, reminding the second-year he’s above him in the chain of command. I watch as the realisation sets in and Dain grits his teeth, shaking his head. He sends me one last murderous glare before he departs, stalking off down the hall.

I watch his back as he retreats, making sure he’s disappeared before I turn my attention back to the two men in front of me. “Come on,” Liam mutters, “let’s…are you ok?” His brow furrows in concern.

“Great.” I croak out, looking between him and Xaden. I wait for the dark-haired wingleader to leave but he never does. “You can go now.” I prompt him.

He smirks, crossing his arms back over his chest and reclines on the wall next to me. There’s half a meter of space between us and I breathe in sharply, trying to keep it together. Finally it’s too much and I groan, sliding down the wall and to the floor, landing on my ass. I lean forward with a wince, pulling my pants up, grateful for the summer uniform—this would have been so much more difficult if I had leathers on.

Liam hisses as my knee comes into view, my kneecap facing the wrong direction. “Gods, Rem. We should get you to the healers.” I wave him off, gritting my teeth as I twist around, sliding my pack off my back.

“Just…a second.” I groan, pulling the strap around to shove it in my mouth. I feel around for a second and then slowly extend my leg out. I whimper when it doesn’t relocate itself. Liam squats down next to me, his hands rising as if to stop me from moving any further. “Fuck.” I pant, letting my head fall back to hit the wall.

“I really think—”

“No.” I wave my hand at him again, shakier this time. “Nolon will fucking kill me. Give me a second.” I pull the strap back between my teeth and bite down, more for something to focus on than anything else. Carefully, I push my patella back into the trochlear groove, tears filling my eyes as it slides into place.

I heave a sigh of relief, my head falling back once more into the stone behind me. I’m still breathing harshly when my head rolls to the side and I look up to find Xaden staring down at me, an indiscernible expression on his face. “Is there something I can do for you, wingleader?” I ask sarcastically, wondering why he didn’t just kill me while I was wounded and preoccupied. Maybe it’s because of Liam.

“No.” He says mildly, still not moving.

“That’s a shame.” I smile salaciously. If he didn’t kill me before, he probably won’t now, right? Perhaps I’m safe for today. Slowly, carefully, I lever myself to my feet, tentatively putting weight on my leg. It hurts. It hurts a lot but there’s not much else that can be done for it—Basgiath is not the sort of place one can walk around on crutches.

I try not to limp as I step forward, taking my dagger back from Liam and sheathing it at my ribs. I pull my pack back on and wonder how much time I have left to grab something to eat and strap my knee before we have to be on the sparring mats.

“Mairi.” Xaden says evenly as we turn to leave. “A word.”

Liam looks at me apologetically but I wave him off, limping down the hall. When I make it out into the commons, I straighten up, trying not to show any weakness even if it’s killing me. I slip into the bathroom, and duck into a stall. I have half a vial of a pain-killing tonic in my bag I’d spirited away from the infirmary last week and I quickly throw it back, wrapping my knee up tight to support the ligaments before changing into my leathers for sparring. Their rigidity helps a little more and after I’ve struggled to get my boots on I have just enough time to duck into the mess hall and grab some fruit, eating it on the way to our combat training.

It’s not enough and I’m sure to be lightheaded when I have to spar, but it’s all I can do right now. Fucking Dain. The bell rings just as I make it into the gym and I quickly spot my squad, slowly walking over to join them, ignoring the look of disapproval from my dark-haired squad leader, Ronan.

I stand in between Liam and Sage and watch as a guy named Ciaran and another named Owen from our squad are called to the mat. They tear their shirts off and I blink in surprise, noting the many men around us following suit.

“They think it gives their opponent something to grab,” Sage leans over to whisper to me, rolling her eyes. Right. I look past the two men being assessed by one of our teachers, Professor Augustus, and find Bodhi’s sharp gaze looking back at me, his eyes trailing down to my knee. I guess either his cousin or Liam have been talking to him then. When his eyes drift back to my face I offer him a small smile before looking away.

Ciaran and Owen are still going at it and I look out past Bodhi to find my sister’s squad clustered around another mat, a man and a woman circling each other. I’m drawn back to my own squad when I hear a thump and find Owen has Ciaran on the ground, his knee on the other man’s throat.

“Sorrengail, you’re next with—” A shriek rends the air and my head snaps to the side just in time to see a man’s limp body dangle in Jack Barlowe’s grip. My eyes go wide and immediately I look for my sister, finding her staring at the dead man too. My heart sinks like a stone. Barlowe snapped that man’s neck like it was nothing, with zero remorse and he wants us dead because I couldn’t keep hold of my temper. If Violet dies because of me…

“Sorrengail.” Professor Augustus calls my attention back, his tone less stern this time. “You and Ruiz. Now.” I’m relieved and terrified in equal measure. Relieved because that’s Sage and she doesn’t seem like the type to kill indiscriminately, but terrified because everyone is about to see my weakness—they’ll all know that as soon as they can challenge me, they can kill me, because I don’t have the strength any of them do.

Hesitantly, I step onto the mat, trying to smile at Sage. She offers one in return but immediately after that her face goes hard. Before I can even begin circling around her she’s all over me, a fist here, a kick there and it’s all I can do to dodge her strikes. I step out of the way of a punch, ducking forward under her guard to elbow her in the chest, the way Major Gillstead taught me. She barely flinches and I’m thrown to the ground a second later.

I roll out from under her, avoiding her foot as she attempts to bring it down on my abdomen. I throw myself back to my feet, ignoring the aching instability in my knee and the way my vision goes dark as I lunge for her, my first darting out to land a solid hit to her cheek.

It’s the only decent hit I get. A minute (and various glancing blows to my body) later her foot is in my gut, knocking the wind out of me, bringing me to my knees, painfully. I manage to avoid the fist that follows, barely, but there’s no avoiding her knee as it hits me between my ribs. I wheeze, one hand grasping at the floor.

“Do you yield?” Her brow furrows, almost like she’s confused.

“Sure.” I cough, “why not?” Professor Augustus looks at me disapprovingly but I have no experience sparring against someone stronger than me, so fuck him. I’m lucky to be on my feet at all after this morning. I take Sage’s hand, letting her pull me upright.

When I’m close enough, Liam leans down to whisper with a wince, “you really weren’t kidding, were you?” I shake my head.

“I told you it wasn’t worth making friends with me.” I smile self-deprecatingly. “The minute challenges start, I’m dead.”

His eyes harden. “I’ll help you. You’re not dying.” I realise then that while he’s seen my knee dislocate from an innocuous shove, he’s only known me for a day—he doesn’t know. He can see I’m small, that I’m pale and maybe how I have no muscle whatsoever, but he doesn’t know the extent of it. No one does, aside from Violet and obviously Dain.

“Don’t worry about it.” I say quietly, shaking my head. “There’s not much point.” He looks angry now and I sigh, avoiding his gaze as I drop to the floor, sitting with Sage and Ciaran along the edge of the mat.

“Mairi, you and Lloyd.” A tall man with brown curls on the other side of the mat steps forward and my eyes widen as Liam peels his shirt off, revealing taut abdominal muscles. I knew he was built, but I didn’t know he was this built.

“You ok there?” Sage asks, a glimmer in her eye and I cough, a laugh escaping me despite my best efforts.

“I’m good.” I squeak and I make the mistake of looking at her again—we both descend into laughter. You have to enjoy life while you’re still here, right? I let my eyes rake over Liam and the other man he’s quickly beating into submission—Harry? Henry? Whoever he was.

In under a minute, Liam has him slammed into the mat and even Augustus is blinking in shock. “You…weren’t kidding when you said you could fight.” I say quietly when he strides over to retake his position next to us.

“I wasn’t.” He smiles wryly. I run my eyes over his abdomen again. “See something you like?” He grins cheekily, leaning back on his arms. He hasn’t even broken a sweat.

“I’m more of a tall, dark and handsome kind of girl.” I drawl. “Don’t worry blondie, you’re safe from me.” I pat him on the arm. It’s true. While objectively I’ll admit he’s great to look at, and if he wanted to take me to bed, I probably wouldn’t say no…his looks don’t appeal to me the same way those of Xaden and even Bodhi do. Zihnal, help me.

“I never would have guessed.” Liam jokes, grin still present on his face.

“Are you ever going to tell me who taught you how to do that?” I ask, tilting my head toward the mat.

He raises an eyebrow. “Surely you can figure it out.” Unbelievably I can. It makes so much sense. I shake my head, refusing to voice my answer out loud. I’d already sort of put it together when Xaden leapt to his defence this morning, even though he must have known Liam could handle himself. But after that display…I groan covering my face with my arm.

“I thought you liked him,” he jokes, though his smile is slightly subdued. Sage looks between us in confusion.

“He wants me dead.” I remind Liam and to my disgust (but not surprise) he doesn’t even bother to argue. I wonder if it’s arrogant to assume I might have been a topic of conversation after I’d limped away from them at midday.

“Who’s this?” Sage interjects curiously.

“Our wingleader.” I inform her, matter-of-fact.

Before she can reply, I hear Dain’s voice yelling, “yield Violet!” And my head snaps up, my eyes instantly finding my sister across the room, her face pressed into the mat as a pink-haired girl with a rebellion relic kneels on her back, wrenching her arm up behind her with a sickening crack.

I leap to my feet, but before I can run toward her Liam is pulling me back. “You can’t.” He says quietly, his grip on my arm firm. I watch in distress as Dain fucking Aetos pulls Violet into his arms. He’s carrying her in a bridal hold and when they stride past I move to follow but Liam yanks me back once more.

“She’s not in our squad.” Sage whispers, throwing her arm over my shoulder as Liam lets go. “I’m sorry.” I know I’m supposed to stay here, that I’m not technically dismissed, but that’s my twin. I turn, shaking off her touch and bump straight into Bodhi who’s suddenly appeared behind us.

“No.” He shakes his head. “That’s an order.” My eyebrows hit my hairline and I look at him disbelievingly.

“Who the fuc—”

“I’m your section’s executive officer.” He informs me. “Who do you think put you guys in a squad together?” I blink. I feel like I’m losing it right now, like everyone is speaking a different language to me.

“That’s my sister.” I hiss, glaring up at him furiously.

“I know.” He says easily. “So does everyone else.”

“I don’t care what you have to say.” I tell him stubbornly. “If you think for a single second I’m going to—” My eyes drift over his shoulder. The pink-haired girl is sitting across from the rest of Violet’s squad and she’s laughing.

My hand slides to my corset and Bodhi lunges for me, his hand slapping mine away. “Don’t even think about it.” He says. “I watched you earlier, you’re not even a halfway decent fighter—Imogen would kill you.” Imogen. So that’s her name.

I lift my chin. “There are plenty of ways to take someone down outside of a fair fight.” I tell him darkly. “I guess I’ll just bide my time.”

His eyes darken.

I step back, raising my hands in the air placatingly. I turn back to the mat, ignoring both him and Liam as I watch another woman from our squad, Morgan, fight a second-year who’s name I don’t know. Sage’s arm brushes against mine as she retakes her place next to me, in a manner I know is intentional.

When I look across the room once more, I meet Rhiannon’s angry eyes and she nods to me, just slightly. It looks like I might have some support in taking down Imogen. I can hardly wait.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

💫      🐉      ⚔️      🔥      🖤

Later that evening, I’m making my way down through the tunnel that links the Riders Quadrant to the Healers, my footsteps quiet in the fading light. I waited as long as I could but eventually I couldn’t bear it anymore. I’ve never been through this tunnel, though I spent most of my time on the other end of it.

I make my way past the last small window and into the quadrant, my eyes adjusting as more mage lights litter the stone ceilings down here. With sure steps, I trace a path to Winifred’s office, looking for the familiar healer.

When she sees me her face lights up. “Remi!” She holds her arms open. “It’s so good to see you.” She folds me into them and it takes everything I have not to break.

“Win,” I hug her back, my voice shaking. It’s only been two days since I was last here but it feels like a lifetime ago.

“Nolon and I were so glad when yours and Violet’s names weren’t on the death roll.” She leads me out into the ward proper. When she pulls a curtain back, I’m relieved to see my sister sleeping, her face peaceful even though she must be in pain.

“Separated shoulder and a broken arm.” Winifred comments quietly. “Nolon mended it, but she’ll still be in a sling for a while.” I inhale sharply.

“It could have been so much worse,” I remind myself, as much as her. “It’s…” I trail off, backing away just in case Violet wakes up. Winifred draws me back into her office, her gaze understanding. “I don’t think we’re making it out of here.” I tell her honestly. “We’re just…I can’t keep up, Win.” My eyes fill with tears.

“Oh sweetheart.” She hugs me again. She doesn’t tell me it’s going to be ok. It probably won’t be and we both know it.

“I think…I think our mother tried to kill us.” I whisper, barely audible. Winifred tenses. “The storm when we were on the parapet…it was unnatural. The rain only started thrashing down as soon as Violet and I were at the turret and it ended as we stepped off.” I meet her eyes seriously. “I could feel the wind shoving me.”

Winifred has been more of a mother to me in the last two years of my studying under her than Lilith Sorrengail has ever been and if she doesn’t believe me, it just might break me.

“I believe you.” A voice says, but it isn’t Winifred. I turn to find Nolon standing in the doorway. He crosses the room to hug me tight and I close my eyes, relishing in the comfort they offer freely. “I believe you.” He repeats.

“I don’t…I don’t know what to do.” I shake my head. “It’s day one and I already had to slide my patella back in.”

“Let me see,” Winifred chides and I shake my head.

“It’s fine, I got it.” I tell her. There’s not much even Nolon can do with it, now. “It’s wrapped now, I just—it was barely anything. Dain just shoved me and I—”

“Dain?” Nolon interrupts, ferocity in his voice.

I nod. “He was angry about me drawing attention to Vi and he—”

“Dain would never.” It’s my sister’s voice this time and Nolon moves out of the doorway, revealing her walking toward us. “He would never hurt you on purpose.”

Slowly, I pull my sleeves back, revealing the bruises on my wrists shaped like fingerprints. Violet’s eyes go wide. “It has to have been an accident.” She protests. “He wouldn’t.”

“I’m not you.” I remind my sister, trying to keep my tone gentle. “He doesn’t like me.” Her mouth opens and closes and I can tell she’s not sure what to say—what to believe. “Forget it. It’s fine.” I tell her, the words like ash in my mouth. “How are you feeling? Are you ok?”

Hesitantly, she nods. “The corset saved me.” She murmurs. “The girl, Imogen, she tried to stab me but Teine’s scales stopped her knife from going through.” I didn’t think it was possible to be any angrier than I was before, but here we are.

“I’m going to kill her.” I hiss, my hand clenching into a fist.

“What you’re going to do is rein in your temper and not put yourself at risk.” Nolon glares. I look down at my feet, feeling chastised.

“Sorry.” I whisper, biting my lip.

“We don’t want to see either of your names on the death roll, you hear me?” Nolon says. “This is a political game as much as it is a game of strength. Use your head for strategy.” He instructs.

I nod, though I don’t know what difference it will make when on-mat challenges roll around. Even if I’d walked in here and tried to make friends with everyone, even if I’d kept my temper in check, we would both still have tens of people lining up for the chance to kill us. Imogen herself wasn’t even an enemy we’d made—she was an enemy our mother had made for us and there were so many others like her just waiting for an opportunity.

“I’ll try and visit under better circumstances.” I say quietly and when Winifred passes me a vial of pain relieving tonic to take before bed, I smile gratefully. “Thank you.”

“Thank us by keeping yourselves alive.” She says, patting us both on the shoulder. “Off you go.”

Violet is quiet as we make our way up the tunnel leading back to the Riders Quadrant. Before we can head up toward our dormitory though, she stops me, a hand on my arm. “Did Dain really do that?” She asks. “On purpose?”

I swallow, avoiding her eyes. “He was worried about Battle Brief.” I tell her. “That I was drawing attention to you and that—” I blink back tears. “He’s right. I’m sorry.”

“It doesn’t matter if he’s right,” she says fiercely. “He should never have hurt you.”

“Yeah, well.” I look away. “It’s done, so don’t worry about it.” When she looks like she might protest I glare at her. “The last thing you can afford to do is alienate Dain on my behalf so just…ignore it.” I tell her. “It’s fine.”

With that I turn and make my way to the stairs, limping slowly up them. I’d do anything to keep Vi alive, just a little bit longer. What’s a slipped kneecap? Nothing, to people like us. She follows me into the dorm and we find Rhiannon sitting up in her bunk, waiting. Her head shoots up as we enter and she breathes a sigh of relief, much like I had across the ravine.

“How bad is it?” She asks, looking at me, rather than Violet.

“It just needs to stay immobilised for a few days,” I tell her. Violet’s got a light blue sling on it already, like a glowing neon sign that says, ‘I’m vulnerable, try and kill me’.

“Good.” Rhiannon sighs. “On-mat challenges start in two weeks, so we have that long to get you ready for them. I’d rather my only friend in here doesn’t die when things get real.”

I hold a hand against my heart dramatically. “Again, Rhiannon? You wound me.” She smiles at me, properly this time.

“I’ll try my best not to.” Violet grins. “And I’ll help you with history.” She says to Rhiannon and we both watch as my sister pulls out a small book from under her pillow.

“What’s that?” I ask, sliding onto her bed as she waves me over.

Remi & Violet,

I stayed long enough to read the rolls this morning and you aren’t on them, thank gods.

My eyes water at Mira’s handwriting and I grip Violet’s hand tightly.

I can’t stay, I’m needed back with my wing, and even if I could stay, they wouldn’t let me see you guys anyway. I bribed a scribe to sneak this into one of your bunks. I hope you both know how proud I am to be your sister. Brennan wrote this for me the summer before I entered the quadrant. It saved me, and it can save you both, too. I added my own bits of hard-earned wisdom here and there, but mostly it’s his, and I know he’d want you guys to have it. He’d want you to live.

Love,

Mira.

“It’s our brother’s.” Violet tells Rhiannon quietly, turning the first page. I choke on a sob as I see Bren’s handwriting, my hand flying up to my mouth. Lilith burned everything he owned after he died, because gods forbid she go against tradition. I haven’t seen his handwriting in an age. I’ll never forget the day she found his last letter to me amongst my things. I screamed at her as she lit it on fire, reducing the last piece I had of him to ash.

“The book of Brennan.” Violet breathes, reading from the page. She quickly flips to the second.

Mira,

You're a Sorrengail, so you will survive. Perhaps not as spectacularly as I have, but we all can't live up to my standards can we? All kidding aside, this is everything I've learned. Keep it safe. Keep it hidden. You have to live, because Violet and Remi are watching. You can't let them see you fall.

Brennan.

I clutch Violet’s hand tighter. “It’s just his journal.” She tells Rhiannon. “He died five years ago.”

“I miss him so much.” I squeeze my eyes shut.

Rhiannon leans in, whispering quietly. “We don’t always burn everything, either. Sometimes it’s nice to have something, you know?”

“Yeah.” Violet whispers.

“I had a letter from him once.” I offer. “He sent it before he died. It arrived after.” I meet Rhiannon’s eyes. “Our mother found it in my things.” I don’t have to voice what she did.

“I didn’t know that.” Violet gasps, her arm winding around my waist. I shrug. What was the point in mentioning it? She couldn’t bring it back.

Rhiannon gives us space, opening a book of her own and Violet and I lean back together, poring over Brennan’s next entry.

You survived  . Good. Be observant the next few days, and don’t do anything to draw attention to yourself. I’ve sketched a map that shows you not only where the classrooms are but where the instructors meet, too.

I know you’re nervous about challenges, but you shouldn’t be, not with that right hook of yours. The matches might seem random, but they’re not. What the instructors don’t tell you is that they decide challenges the week before, Mira. Any cadet can request a challenge, yes, but instructors will assign your matches based on weeding out the weakest. That means once the real hand-to-hand starts, the instructors already know who you’ll be up against that day.

Here’s the secret—if you know where to look and can get out without being seen, you’ll know who you’re fighting so you can prepare.

I turn to Violet as I finish reading, raising an eyebrow. She nods slowly, a smile spreading across her face and a tiny amount of hope blooms in my chest. We have two weeks to figure this out, but it’s a start.

A few pages later we decide to call it a night and get some rest. Brennan’s advice had kept for a long time, it would keep for a little more. “Hey Vi…” I whisper into the dark once I’m curled up in my bunk. “You want half my tonic?” I ask gently. She smiles gratefully, reaching across to snag the second half I’ve left in the vial and I lay back, running through each organ in the human body in my head until I slowly drift off to sleep.

Chapter Text

💫     🐉       ⚔️      🔥      🖤

Violet and I are both a bit bruised and battered in the days that follow. I try really hard to heed—well everyone’s—advice and rein in my temper. I only manage it sometimes. I try not to make any further enemies, though it’s difficult when I’m surrounded by people who are so damn stupid.

Liam is still sticking around, though I’m not sure why. Ten days and three more sessions sparring in the gym under Professor Augustus’ watchful eye have left me with two broken bones and a torn ligament—not everyone is as nice as Sage. The bright side of that is that I get to visit Nolon and Winifred more often, much to their dismay.

“Are you sure you don’t want to join us?” Rhiannon is asking me as she and Violet head toward the gym. There’s another guy with them who’s name I keep forgetting, though he seems nice enough. They’re going to help Vi practice in return for help with their other studies.

“I’m ok.” I say to Rhiannon quietly, shaking my head. My sister is talking animatedly to the guy next to her, so I know she isn’t hearing a word. “Just…focus on her, please.” I don’t see any point in dividing Rhiannon’s attention.

“Hey,” I reach a hand out, bumping Violet’s shoulder with it. “I’ll see you later.” I offer her a small smile.

“You’re not coming?” She frowns, looking at me with concern.

“I’m—”

“Training with us.” I’m cut off by Sage slinging an arm over my shoulder, leaning into my side. I look over at her in surprise.

“I am?”

“You are.” Liam confirms, walking up beside us. Maybe this is some kind of unofficial squad training session.

“Ok.” I answer, confused as to what’s going on. After Vi and her squad mates depart, I turn to Liam and Sage, raising an eyebrow. “What’s going on?”

“We’re keeping you alive.” Liam’s smile drops and the stare he levels at me is almost harsh. I look at him helplessly.

“I don’t think there’s anything you can do.” I say, shaking my head. I don’t have enough time before challenges start to improve and besides that… “I don’t want to get you in trouble.”

“It’s not against the rules to help each other.” He says, nonchalantly and I sigh, a deep frown making itself at home on my face.

“That’s not what I meant and you know it.” His foster brother wants me dead. I’m sure he wouldn’t be too impressed with Liam helping me, for whatever reason the blond Tyr might have.

“You let me handle that.” He says, though I see the hesitation in his eyes.

“Just—don’t worry about it.” I shake my head. “You’ve been nice enough to me already. I—I’d like to think I can call you a friend and I know the position that puts you in with him. It’s not worth making things harder for you.”

“Well that’s not up to you.” He shrugs, leading the way down the corridor. “Gym. Now.”

I turn to look at Sage helplessly. “Don’t look at me.” She says, her arm still around my shoulders. “I’m helping you either way. This place would be so fucking dull without you in it.” I let out a quiet laugh, despite myself. Sage has become a friend over the last week and a half—a good one. She finds my attitude funny and laughs instead of chiding me if I manage to piss someone off in a fit of anger.

She leads us through the doors of the gym and over to a far corner, the opposite side of the room from where Rhiannon and the other boy are helping Violet. “Why are you helping me?” I ask Liam as he stands across from us. “I just don’t understand.”

He sighs and with a resigned look, he says, “you remind me of Sloane.”

“Sloane?” I ask, my voice soft.

“My sister.” He explains. “She’s…a lot like you. She has your attitude, your temper—if…if she were alone in here I’d want someone to help her too.”

I swallow, biting my lip. “I-I’m not alone.” I try and say, my throat tightening on the words.

“Aren’t you?” He cocks a brow, his gaze drifting behind me to where my sister trains. I straighten my spine and try to stop my lip from wobbling.

“I’m not going to get any stronger than this.” I warn him. “I’m…I’m breakable.”

“We can train—”

“No, you don’t get it.” I cut him off. “When our mother was pregnant with us, she caught a fever. It was—Violet and I came out…wrong.” I struggle to find the right words. “Broken.” I look over my shoulder to where my sister is sparring with Rhiannon. “Vi has more endurance than me. She can—she’s got a chance but I…if I train hard today, I can’t tomorrow. Maybe not even the day after that. My legs will shake, my arms will be hard to raise…I can’t.”

“What are your strengths?” Liam asks me carefully.

“Nothing that’s useful in here.” I tell him, my tone self-deprecating. “My brain. I can balance I guess and I’m flexible. That’s about it. I’m not that fast, I have zero strength, no endurance and also…I’m afraid of heights.” His eyebrows hit his hairline. “So you see, even if you manage to help me survive a few challenges, it’s pointless. I’ll never make it up the Gauntlet.” I say gently.

I’ve had a long time to think about this, to resign myself to this fate. It’s difficult for someone like Liam to understand, maybe even someone like Sage who despite her smaller stature, is strong in every way that counts. They have no idea what its like to feel such an overwhelming weariness in your bones you can’t force yourself out of bed.

“I was meant to be a healer. I’m not built for this.”

“You’d make a terrible healer.” Sage snorts, covering her mouth with her hand. “Absolutely no bedside manner whatsoever.”

Liam is watching me carefully, his gaze assessing. “We have combat training Tuesdays and Thursdays.” He states and I nod, slowly. That’s what we’ve been doing for the last two weeks. “Those nights you’re coming back here.” He says firmly, waving a hand to shut me up as I open my mouth to protest.

“Friday, Saturday and Sunday you don’t have any physical classes, nor the Monday that follows.” He dictates. “Those days we’ll be here too. We’ll play it by ear and see how often we can work on it, but you’re not going to die without trying.” He basically orders me. I look at him desperately.

“And the Gauntlet?” I ask.

“We’ll worry about that later.” He says determinedly.

“And our wingleader?”

“I’ll worry about that later.” He shakes his head.

I stare at him, taken aback by his determination to help me. “Ok.” I say quietly.

“And you’re not broken.” He says, reaching out to take my hand. He tugs me onto the mat, positioning me opposite him. “You’re just different and that’s ok.”

I want to cry.

“Thanks.” I sniffle a little.

“Ok. Here’s what we’re going to do.” He runs me through a series of defensive manoeuvres. Liam believes to account for my physical differences, I need to refine my speed and technique. He says my flexibility will help and that I need to remain agile enough to dodge the majority of attacks coming my way and smart enough to notice any openings and capitalise on them.

It’s physically easier work than I expected. Draining, because I’m spending a lot of time either rolling back up from the floor or dodging Sage’s fists while Liam lectures me, but it doesn’t require a level of strength I don’t have.

“You’ve missed two more openings just now.” He calls, throwing an arm out towards us. “What is going on?” I stop, panting with my hands on my knees as Sage falls back.

“When?” I ask him, shaking my head.

“Just now.” He says exasperatedly. “You rolled up from the floor after her kick and her flank was wide open. You didn’t go for it at all.” He shakes his head.

“I couldn’t see it.” I tell him, huffing out an angry breath.

“It was so fucking obvious—”

“No.” I grit my teeth, staring at him furiously. “I couldn’t. See. It.” I enunciate.

“Physically?” Sage asks, tilting her head.

I nod. “When you throw yourself up from the ground, your body is still pumping blood, circulating it to all your organs.” I tell her, holding my hand up and squeezing it into a fist in a fast rhythm for emphasis. “My body isn’t doing that.” I move my hand slower. “The blood is in my legs still and not where it needs to be.”

“You’re telling us that every time you stand up from the ground, you’re not seeing anything?” Liam asks, frustrated.

“Yeah. That’s what I’m telling you.” I smile sardonically. “I’ve just gotten incredibly good at faking it—at pretending I can see.”

“How long is it like that for?” Sage asks.

I shrug a shoulder. “Three, maybe four seconds?” I estimate. “Then it’s spots for a bit before the circulation catches up and it finally clears.”

“Fuck.” Liam groans.

“Yeah.” Welcome to my life.

“Ok.” Liam sighs. “We’ll just…there’s nothing we can do about that.” I nod.

After that little revelation we work on grappling for a while before I finally call it quits, my chest heaving with exertion. As we walk back toward to the dorms, I grasp their arms, pulling them both to a stop. “I just wanted to say thanks.” I tell them quietly. “As much as I don’t think it will make a difference, I’ve never really had friends who would…try…before.”

“Well now you have us!” Sage says with a grin. “Like I said, life here would be boring without you. I don’t want to have to find new entertainment anytime soon.” She’s showing off all of her pearly whites and I laugh, shaking my head.

When we’re back in the first-floor dorms, Sage takes off toward her bunk to grab her things and I head for mine, ready for bed after such an exhausting day. Violet is already back and I notice she’s showered but dressed back in her summer uniform, rather than her pyjamas.

I raise an eyebrow, looking at her questioningly. “Don’t put your pyjamas on.” She tells me quietly. “We’re going out tonight.” After curfew? Violet Sorrengail, you little rebel. I grin, despite having no clue what mischief my sister is dragging me into.

“Ok.” I shrug, reaching for my clothes.

After I’ve showered and re-dressed in my uniform, corset back in place underneath, Violet and I relax on her bed, reading Brennan’s book until the lights go out and darkness descends on the college.

Fifteen minutes later, I’m stumbling around in the dark, my boots tripping over rocks and all manner of debris as Vi leads the way down to the river that runs beneath the citadel. “What are we even doing?” I ask her, my fingers gripped tightly in her own. A member of my squad had died here just yesterday, falling into the damn river and it makes me incredibly nervous to be stumbling along next to it in the dark, especially with my knee still a little unstable.

The current is so strong it would drag Violet and I under easily, the same way it had him. The moon is full, illuminating the ground slightly, but not enough so we can see properly and avoid tripping over. The hood of my cloak is pulled up over my head in the interest of remaining hidden. It’s currently holding back my golden-brown hair that I’ve left loose for the first time since getting to Basgiath. It feels so good to finally have it down and not tugging on my head.

Violet has a satchel with her. I only brought myself—and my daggers of course—and I watch as she tightens her grip on it. “I’ve been sneaking out every night.” She finally answers and my head whips toward her.

“You’ve what?!” I hiss, pulling her to a stop. “What the fuck, Vi?!” How had I not noticed? Was I that dead asleep I never heard her sneaking out of the bed right next to me? That’s…dangerous.

“I’ve been collecting things I can use to poison our opponents.” She says, keeping her voice low despite the fact that there’s no one around. “Tonight I’m looking for fonilee berries. I know they grow on a vine up that oak tree over there.” She tilts her head.

“I’m sorry, I just—did I hear you correctly?” I blink. I knew she had a plan, but I thought her plan was more along the lines of ‘sneak out and see who we’re fighting beforehand so we can study their style’ not ‘poison them’. “You don’t think someone will notice if all our prospective opponents start dropping dead?” I ask her, confused.

“I’m not killing them.” Violet huffs. “But if they can’t see properly or they’re feeling nauseous—things like that, it will—”

“Level the playing field.” I finish for her. Smart, Vi. Unfortunately it’s still kind of obvious, too much so if it starts happening to both of our opponents. “I’ll help you.” I tell her, “but we’re not poisoning mine.”

She looks at me incredulously. “What? You’re not any better of a fighter than I am!” She hisses, glaring at me beneath the moonlight.

“I know that. You think I don’t?” I ask her. “But it’s too obvious if both our opponents get sick before each match, Vi.” I tell her quietly. “Just…do it for yourself. I’ll figure it out.”

She shakes her head. “Rem.” She looks at me seriously. “You want to know why I’ve been so angry with you?” She asks. “It’s because nothing has changed. We’ve been thrown into this—this crazy big, death trap of a circus and you’re—you’ve just given up.”

My breath hitches. “It’s not giving up, Vi. I’m just facing facts.” I tell her. “I’m not very likely to survive in here. I knew that from the moment Lilith laid down her decree and told us we’d be coming here.” I shake my head and despite my best efforts, a few tears fall from my eyes. “I’m ok with it, really. I just want you to make it.”

Violet shakes her head. “If I can do it—”

“I’m not you!” I cut her off, almost yelling in the darkness, underneath the trees. “I’m not you, Vi.” Tears are streaming down my face. “I’m not you and I’m not Mira and I’m not Bren.” I cry. “I don’t want to be a dragon rider. I’m fucking terrified of heights.” I choke out. “Even if I made it past the Gauntlet—and I don’t think I will—no dragon is going to bond with someone who’s terrified of being in the air.”

“I’m fucking scared, Vi.” I sob. “And I’m tired. I’m so, so tired. I just want to give up, ok? I’d rather die on the mat, than falling.” Because that happens all the time after Threshing. Riders fall from their fucking dragons and die.

We stare at each other and I watch as Violet’s face turns from shock to anger. “So what?” She glares, “you’re just going to give up and leave me here all alone?” She steps forward and shoves me, bodily. “You think I’m not fucking scared?!”

“I think you’re adaptable.” I say truthfully. “I think you’re strong where I’m weak. I think you can do it.” I shake my head. “This is…a pointless argument.” I tell her. “I don’t want to fight with you.”

“And I don’t want to lose you.”

We stare at each other.

“You don’t even like me.” The words leave my mouth, unbidden.

Her eyes widen. “That’s not true.” She protests.

“It is.” I shrug carelessly. “But it’s ok. I don’t like me most of the time either.”

“Rem…”

I turn, striding toward the big oak tree on the edge of the Iakobos. “It’s this one, right?” I ask her. The one with the vine on it?” I reach up for the lowest branch, pulling myself upward.

“You’re stronger than you think, Rem.” She says quietly, passing me up a vial.

But I'm not. I never have been, really. It's why we don't get along anymore. Violet can handle herself, handle anything life throws at her, but me? I lose my fucking mind. I feel so much, it's a curse. I'm so overwhelmed by everything that I often end up losing my temper, taking it out on everyone around me—and in the past, that was often her.

I climb upward further, heading for the purple berries I know are here. I swallow harshly, not daring to look down as I move up through the branches, trying not to think about the height. When I finally find them, their skin a soft lavender colour, I quickly fill the vial, tossing it down to my sister.

It's not like I ever intend to snap at her, or to be...mean—I always feel awful the second it happens, even now—but it's so hard to stop. I like to think I've gotten better at handling things as time has gone on, that I've found ways to cope with the anguish in my chest, but I think it's come too little, too late. The damage is done and my sister has long since given up on loving me.

“Remi…” Violet says uneasily, drawing my attention back to her as she looks over her shoulder, slipping the vial into her backpack. “I think someone is coming.” I don’t bother squinting into the darkness; I trust her instincts. Quickly I move back along the branch, shimmying my way down until my toes can touch the one underneath.

“Hurry.” She hisses and I scramble down another and another, my heart pounding wildly in my chest.

“Just go.” I hiss back at her. “Run!” It’s pointless, she’s not going to. I reach down for her arm, waving frantically. She leaps up onto the branch, sliding her arm out of the sling as she goes, pulling her body upward. I tug her up to me and together we scramble back up a few more branches, freezing on a large one as two figures in black cloaks just like ours walk toward our tree.

Gods, find your own damn spot.

My back is pressed against the tree trunk while Violet is leaning back into me, her rucksack digging into my chest, holding me in place. I grip the trunk underneath me and make the mistake of looking down again. Fuck, that’s high. Not as high as the damn parapet, but high enough.

One of the cloaked figures pulls back their hood and I stiffen at the sight of pink hair. Violet reaches behind her back, grasping my hand as the second rider slips off his own hood. Xaden fucking Riorson—figures. I wonder if this has become a make out spot while Vi and I weren’t paying attention or if they’re just here to plan our murders.

My ears are full of white noise and the sound of rushing water from the nearby river—or maybe that’s my blood rushing around, I don’t know. Violet and I remain frozen, barely daring to breathe as more riders begin to arrive. I start counting them in my head; one, two…all the way up to twenty-four. I spy a few rebellion relics and realise this is…this is a meeting of marked ones. Perhaps every first-year marked one in the quadrant…and then a few more.

I tap the back of Violet’s hand three times and she nods almost imperceptibly. She’s seen what I have. Violet slowly inches away from me and I grip her hand tight, trying to tell her not to move. She points toward a lower branch and I shake my head frantically. She tugs her hand free anyway and slowly drops herself down, slinking along the oak tree like a mouse.

My heart is beating a mile a minute as I debate whether to stay here or follow her. Below us I can see Xaden addressing the group but I can’t make out what he’s saying. In the time I’ve hesitated Violet has made it down two more branches and I can tell she’s listening intently.

I decide to remain where I am, just in case…and also because it’s a long fucking way down and climbing down is always, always worse than up. However, as I study the group below, I realise with a start that Liam is one of them. That causes curiosity to get the better of me and I slowly inch my way down after my sister, one branch and then another until I’m clinging to the one above her.

Violet looks up at me with an almost scandalised expression and I shake my head, not having heard what was said.

“If they need a fucking pep talk, then we both know they’re not flying out of the quadrant on graduation day.” Xaden says. “Let’s get real, I can hold their hands and make them a bunch of bullshit empty promises about everyone making it through if that helps them sleep, but in my experience the truth is far more valuable.” My eyebrows hit my hairline. That sounds…remarkably like something I would say. No wonder my sister is so scandalised.

“In war, people die. It’s not glorious like the bards sing about, either. It’s snapped necks and two-hundred-foot falls. There’s nothing romantic about scorched earth or the scent of sulfur. This”—he gestures back toward the citadel—“isn’t some fable where everyone makes it out alive. It’s hard, cold, uncaring reality. Not everyone is going to make it home…to whatever’s left of our homes. And make no mistake, we are at war every time we step foot in the quadrant.” He leans forward. “So if you won’t get your shit together and fight to live, then no. You’re not going to make it.”

Violet turns to look up at me, her face settling into a glare and I know, I know what she’s thinking. It’s not the same. It isn’t. I know where my failings lie and I’ve accepted them—I’m not out here asking for a miracle.

“Now someone give me a problem I can actually solve.” Xaden orders, command in his tone and my brain goes somewhere entirely inappropriate for a girl stuck up a tree ten feet off the ground, staring down at a bunch of people who want to murder her.

“Battle Brief.” A first-year who sleeps a row away from us says. I recognise her from my history class. “It’s not that I can’t keep up, but the information…” She shrugs.

“That’s a tough one,” Imogen responds, turning to look at Xaden and I scowl down at the pink-haired harpy. I’m itching to dish out some level of revenge on her so badly that I’d considered (and discarded) the idea of challenging her on the mat. Unfortunately, Bodhi’s right, she’d probably kill me in a fair fight.

“You learn what they teach you,” Xaden says to the first-year—I’m sure her name is Sam—“keep what you know, but recite what they tell you to.” My eyes sharpen and I frown down at him. Is he implying that the information we’re being given is inaccurate? That some random first-year might know better than the scribes what’s going on at our borders? On the front lines?

I trade a look with Violet. Her face says exactly what I’m thinking—surely not. “Anyone else?” Xaden prompts them. “We don’t have all night.” Violet and I are having a silent conversation through our facial expressions, something we haven’t done in years. She’s confused and wondering what the hell he meant by that, I’m trying to tell her they’re all full of shit.

“When do we get to kill the Sorrengails?” We’re still looking at each other so I can see her eyes widen as mine do. We freeze, not daring to move an inch. A murmur of agreement among the group has me looking down with wide eyes. If they see us here…I look back to Violet—the same stark terror I’m sure is on my face, is reflected on her own. There are so many of them…

“Yeah, Xaden.” Pinkie says sweetly. “When do we get to finally have our revenge?” I clench my jaw, wondering what it would feel like to rip out her pretty little eyeballs. What had we ever done to her? Nothing, that’s what! I swallow harshly, my gaze darting from her over to Liam and from him, onto Bodhi. I wait for either of them to say anything—anything at all. They remain silent.

I look back at Violet, hurt hitting me like a sledgehammer. She looks up at me with sympathy. I frown, eyes turning hard as I look back to the group of separatist kids below. Cold fury rolls through me. They’re all a bunch of fucking cowards. ‘We’re keeping you alive’—that’s what he said to me only hours ago. If he wanted me alive he would at least try and discourage his rebellion friends from plotting my murder.

“I told you already, the Sorrengails are mine and I’ll handle them when the time is right.” I grip the branch beneath me so hard I worry I might strain my hand. Violet looks up at me indignantly and I nod, rolling my eyes. What assholes.

“Didn’t you already learn that lesson, Imogen?” Bodhi finally chimes in. “From what I hear, Aetos has you scrubbing dinner dishes for the next month for using your powers on the mat.” She’d used her powers? My mouth falls open. That little bitch! She had so much more experience than Vi, not to mention body mass, and she still fucking cheated?

“And besides that, you didn’t see her sister after.” Bodhi continues. “I’d watch your back if I were you.” Violet looks up at me with a raised eyebrow and I give her a self-satisfied smile in return.

“Their mother is responsible for the execution of my mom and sister. I should have done more than just snap her shoulder.” Imogen glares at Bodhi. “And I’m not scared of the other one, as far as I’m concerned; she’s next.”

What the fuck?

“Their mum is responsible for the capture of nearly all our parents,” Flame Section’s leader counters from next to Xaden. “Not her daughters. Punishing children for the sins of their parents is the Navarrian way, not the Tyrrish.” Yeah, our mother. Who tried to kill us too. And as much as I hate to defend the heinous woman, our mother did her job and captured their parents. She didn’t order their execution, nor did she choose to brand the children—Melgren did that.

“So we get conscripted because of what our parents did years ago and shoved into this death sentence of a college—” Imogen starts, but the section leader…what’s his name? Garrett? Grant? Cuts her off.

“In case you didn’t notice, they’re in the same death sentence of a college,” he retorts. “Seems like they’re already suffering the same fate.”

Honestly I think this guy might be my new best friend, because fuck Liam. This is everything he should be saying. Hell, even Bodhi could have said it—I said the same thing to him almost word for word on conscription day—that I didn’t think they should be punished for what their parents did. Too bad they couldn’t offer me the same courtesy.

I was so concerned earlier about how Liam helping me would affect his relationship with Xaden and he swore it wasn’t an issue he was concerned with. If that were true he would have said something just now—anything—to try and convince them I’m not like they think, not like my mother.

“Don’t forget their brother was Brennan Sorrengail,” Xaden adds and my heart twists in my chest. “They have just as much reason to hate us as we do them.” Is he…actually defending us right now? Wasn’t he just saying a minute ago that he would be dealing with us?

“I’m not going to tell you again.” He looks toward Imogen and the boy who asked the original question. “They’re mine to handle. Anyone feel like arguing?” Silence. “Good. Then get back to bed and go in threes.” He motions with his head and slowly they disperse. My eyes follow Liam all the way back up the hill.

Xaden is the last to leave and when he does I look down at Violet, breathing a sigh of relief. I open my mouth but she shakes her head quickly, slowly pressing a finger over her lips. I nod, remaining as still and quiet as possible.

After maybe ten minutes a couple of squirrels scurry past on the ground and Violet takes that as her queue, moving swiftly down each branch, jumping the last four feet into the grass. I’ve barely moved by then because I really, really don’t like heights, so I have a perfect view of the moment a shadow lunges out from behind her, an arm curling around her neck; choking her.

I reach for a dagger, immediately preparing to fling it. I can’t get a good enough angle without risking hitting my sister and my heart drops as a blade appears at her throat. Slowly, I creep down a branch, dropping once and then twice, moving tentatively around the tree.

“Fucking Sorrengail.” It’s Xaden’s voice cutting through the silence and I freeze, still palming a dagger as he yanks my sister’s hood back off her face.

“How did you know?” Violet asks him indignantly. I’d like to know that too, because we waited a while up here, but I really don’t think it’s the best time to ask. “Let me guess, you could smell my perfume.” She says sarcastically, “isn’t that what always gives the heroine away in books?” I press my lips together harshly, trying to stop an inappropriate giggle from escaping. Sometimes Vi can be as sassy as me.

Xaden scoffs. “I command shadows, but sure, it was your perfume that gave you away.” I freeze, looking down at the branch I’m on, studying the shadows around me for any movement. Seeing none, I slowly drop down to the next one, roughly five feet above them, and move around the trunk until he’s directly below me.

“Your signet is shadow wielding?” Violet gasps. It’s rare. Not as rare as mending, but rare enough that it’s remarkable, though I think looking at Xaden it should be expected. He exudes dark energy.

“What, Aetos hasn’t warned you not to get caught alone in the dark with me yet?” He drops the knife from her throat and I see my opening.

I leap from the branch, crashing down into him, my thighs landing on his shoulders. He doesn’t even flinch—it’s so wildly, ridiculously unfair. I’d thought to take him to the ground but I’m basically sitting on his shoulders for a second, his hands on my thighs and by the time I manage to wrap my arm around his neck, his shadows are pulling at me, trying to drag me off.

“I wouldn’t mind being alone in the dark with you,” I murmur in his ear as I try and wrestle him into a chokehold, because clearly I haven’t already embarrassed myself enough. There’s a dagger in my hand but he’s pushing it back, away from his face and I’m mortified by how easily he’s overpowering me.

My hair is tumbling out of my cloak and over my shoulder, brushing his cheek and I pray to Zihnal he doesn’t use it against me. I clench my thighs in tight around his neck, trying to resist the pull of his shadows. “Vi, go.” I call, still trying to push my blade forward against his grip.

“No.” My sister darts toward us, her own blades out and I watch as his shadows divert their attention to her, plucking the blades from her hands. That kind of fine-tuned control is…something else. They’re basically a corporeal extension of himself.

The hand at my wrist disarms me then, and he tosses me off his shoulders and into the grass in one easy movement, because he’s been playing with me the whole damn time.

Violet pulls me upright and I watch warily as Xaden smirks at us, shaking his head. “That’s really the best you can do?” He arches a brow and his eyes meet Violet’s. “No wonder Imogen nearly ripped your arm off.” Imogen has another thing coming to her but that’s irrelevant right now.

“I’m more dangerous than you think.” Violet warns and his eyes drift across to me.

“I’m quaking in my boots.” His mouth raises into a mocking smirk. I’ve just about had enough to be honest. First I have a rip-roaring fight with my sister, from which my eyes are still swollen, mind you. Then one of my only friends just lets his little rebellion cohort talk about how they’re going to murder me and now this? I’m so, so done.

With the speed of a cobra, Violet is flinging two more daggers at him and they soar past his head, landing with a solid thunk in the tree that’s now at his back. “You missed.” He still has the audacity to not even flinch.

“Did I?” Violet leans down to pick up the first two the shadows had dumped in the grass. “Why don’t you back up a few steps and test that theory.” Curiosity flares in his eyes and he keeps his eyes locked with hers as he steps back further and further until he hits the tree. A tiny grin tilts my lips as the hilts of her daggers brush his ears.

“Tell me again that I missed,” she threatens, fingering her two remaining daggers.

“Fascinating. You look all frail and breakable, but you’re really a violent little thing, aren’t you?” An appreciative smile curves his lips and I’m suddenly feeling weirdly uncomfortable. Shadows dance up the trunk of the oak tree, forming little fingers. They pluck the daggers free, dropping them into his waiting hands.

I watch warily as he maintains eye contact with my sister, tensing as he draws toward her, holding the daggers out. “You should show that little trick to Jack Barlowe.” He says.

“I’m sorry?” Violet responds and—is he flirting with her?

“The neck snapping first year who’s very publicly vowed to slaughter you,” he clarifies. Violet doesn't reach for her blades and I suck in a sharp, silent breath as he lifts her cloak, sliding one dagger back into the sheath at her thigh. He then pulls the other side back and slides the remaining dagger into one of the sheaths at her ribs. It’s strangely intimate and suddenly I’m even angrier than I was before.

“He’d probably think twice about plotting your murder if you threw a couple of daggers at his head.” I gape.

“Actually,” I interrupt their weirdly sexual little standoff, “she’s already had a dagger at his balls and it only made the situation worse.” I send him a dark glare. Violet’s dagger is still pointed at his gut and I step forward, gripping my own tightly. “And we don’t need advice from someone who was just plotting to kill us with all his little comrades.” I bare my teeth at him. “So how about you kill us yourself, or fuck off and leave us in peace?”

He’s striding towards me in the next second and before I can blink his blade is at my throat. I tilt my chin up defiantly. “Care to change your tune?” He asks, pressing it forward until I feel a trickle of blood run down my neck. We’re so close now I can see the exact moment he notices my red-rimmed eyes, something indiscernible flickering in his own.

His free hand winds through the loose strands of my hair, pulling on it tightly. I only take a deep breath and press myself forward. His gaze darkens. “Do. It.” I stare him down.

“Stop.” Violet calls and I can hear her voice shaking. “I promise we won’t tell anyone about your little meeting here tonight if you let her go.” She’s scared and for the first time I feel shame. She’s scared because she knows I’m not, because she knows I don’t care at all for my own safety.

“Why?” Xaden asks, looking over his shoulder at her. “It’s illegal for the children of separatist officers to assemble in—”

“Groups larger than three.” Violet finishes for him. “I’m well aware. We’ve lived here longer than you.”

“And you’re not going to run off to mummy, or your precious Dain, and tell them we’ve been assembling?” His blade is still pressing into my throat but honestly, I may as well not even be here. They’re in their own little bubble again.

“You were helping them. I don’t see why that should be punished. We’re not going to tell.”

I baulk. “Uh, helping them and plotting our murder.” I emphasise, an impudent glare on my face, though I can’t see her past the bulk of Xaden’s body.

He tenses, his dagger pressing closer and I feel my scalp prickle, an icy sensation tingling my brain and running down my neck. Is he actually going to slit my throat right now? In front of my sister?

“We won’t.” Vi promises and he must decide she’s telling the truth because he loosens up, his hands dropping away. “Interesting.” He drawls. “We’ll see if you keep your word, and if you do, then unfortunately, it looks like I owe you a favour.” I can’t figure how he’s worked that one out but I remain silent, watching as he simply turns fully and walks away, heading toward the staircase in the cliff that leads up to the citadel without a backwards glance at me.

“You’re not going to handle me?” Violet calls after him, her head turned to watch him go.

“Not tonight!” He tosses over his shoulder and I…I can’t believe I’m staring at the back of my sister’s head right now, wiping blood from my throat as she watches the man who put it there walk away. I’m completely fucking mystified.

“What are you waiting for?” She calls after him with a scoff.

“It’s no fun if you expect it,” he answers, “now get back to bed before your wingleader realises you’re out after curfew.”

“What?” Violet gawks after him as I scoff. “You’re my wingleader!”

I roll my eyes, already stomping past my sister and back towards the dorm, suddenly furious with everybody and everything—a feeling that’s incredibly familiar to me. The feeling of too much cascades back over me and I avoid Violet’s gaze, ignoring her calls as I slink back up to the citadel and into our dorm. If a few more tears fall by the time I’m wrapped up in my bunk, facing away from her, well that’s no one’s business but my own. 

Chapter Text

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The next few days are a fun affair. Sage is the only one who can handle my sour mood, her tolerance levels clearly sky high. She’s surprised at my reticence in dealing with Liam, the two of us not having been separated during the day for almost the entire stint of our time in Basgiath, but I don’t explain to her my reasoning.

For his part, Liam is frustrated and confused, something which makes me even angrier. I’ve tried toning down our interactions while I’m still upset, but he doesn’t really heed the warning I’m trying to send. He’s still there all the time and I’m about two seconds away from screaming at him—because it hurts. Of course it does.

My mood has spiralled down and down and down with the weight of all this hanging over me. My body hurts, I’m exhausted and my temper is frayed—and that’s the last thing I need when we’re about to start on-mat challenges.

“What is going on with you? You’ve been like this for three days—” I slam my tray down, glaring at him as he takes the seat across from me in the mess hall.

“Why don’t you go and sit with your separatist friends?” I sneer, gripping my fork like a weapon. He gapes and the wounded look in his eyes is almost enough to have me apologising but I’m too angry for that—too hurt. He may as well hurt as much as I do.

“What the fuck?” It’s Bodhi’s voice that rings out from behind me and I grit my teeth, turning to face him. I haven’t seen him since that night by the oak tree, but I sure as hell haven’t forgotten that he was there too—that he didn’t speak up for me either.

“Was there something you needed, executive officer?” I ask, giving him a saccharine smile.

He looks down at me in disbelief and no small amount of fury. “Yeah, how about you start by telling us what the hell your problem is?” He glares. “I thought you weren’t a bigot.”

“Funny.” I huff, “I thought the same.” I turn in my seat, not bothering to look at either of them. “You can go now.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Liam asks, but I remain silent, staring at my food.

“No.” Bodhi slams his own tray down, taking the spot next to Liam. “You want to start something, you can damn well finish it.” I can feel his glare burning a hole in my head and I quickly shovel food into my mouth, determined to get out of here as quickly as possible.

When they refuse to budge, I finally lift my head, my lip curling back in a snarl. “That first day in the courtyard after parapet, do you remember what you asked me?” I direct the question to Bodhi. He looks surprised and confused, and I quickly refresh his memory.

“Do you believe in punishing children for their parents’ actions?” I enunciate. “That’s what you said to me, like it was the scale you were using to judge whether I was worth your time and simultaneously an implication that you didn’t.” I lock my jaw, trying to hold back my emotions.

“And you said no.” He answers, still confused.

“And I was telling the truth.” I stand, deciding the rest of my food isn’t worth it. “I guess I’m the only one at this table who isn’t a fucking coward.” I return my tray, ignoring his presence behind me and storm out of the gathering hall.

Violet has volunteered herself for breakfast duty, I assume to execute her little poisoning plan, so I haven’t had to see her all that much. She looks at me with worry in her eyes whenever we pass each other but I just can’t bring myself to care. To talk to her would be subjecting myself to another guilt trip and I’m not in the frame of mind to deal with that right now.

Sage was mysteriously absent from breakfast this morning too, hence why Liam and Bodhi had been able to corner me and I’m only slightly concerned as to her whereabouts. Most likely she’s just better off than me and is getting some from one of the older riders—good for her.

I head into the tunnel, moving swiftly toward the Healers Quadrant. When we got to select our duty assignments last week, I volunteered immediately to help them out and thankfully, got my wish. In between my classes now I help Winifred and Nolon, and if I ignore everything else that waits for me outside of these four walls, it can almost feel like old times.

When I get there, I ignore Helen and stride straight through into Winifred’s office, closing the door behind me. I slide down the wall in the corner behind her desk and put my head in my hands. A sob rips out of me and after three days of holding it together, I finally break down.

I’m still crying when Winifred comes to find me.

“Remi, sweetheart.” She bends down to grip my shoulders. “What’s happened?” I shake my head. What am I supposed to say? Nothing unusual has happened, everything just hurts more today. I want Brennan.

“I um…” I wipe my eyes, trying to breathe slowly. “I just have had a really hard week.” I tell her, attempting to steady myself. “I just—I thought I made some friends,” I stutter, “but um, their other friends want to kill me and I don’t think they care.” I swallow harshly.

“And Vi—Violet thinks that I can be just like her and she doesn’t get why I can’t.” I sniffle. “Everything comes so much easier to her.” I choke out. “Like…even physically, she just overcomes everything her body throws at her.” I sob.

“And then this afternoon on-mat challenges start and I’m supposed to fight this guy, Viktor and he’s like—I’ve seen him before and he’s massive.” I shake my head. “I just…” I look down at my leathers, all the emotion draining out of me. “I can’t. I can’t.”

“Never, in all my years of healing you, have I seen you this bad.” Winifred comments quietly, running a hand over my hair.

“I just want to rest. I’m sorry. I-I don’t think I can do this anymore, Winifred.” I whisper. My knuckles are white, curled around the blade at my thigh.

“You can.” She says immediately. “You can.” Her voice is firm. It doesn’t shake like Violet’s when she holds me tight. “Just one more time.” She says, her fingernails digging into my skin. “I need you to get up and try again, just one more time.”

She grasps my chin and forces me to meet her eyes. “If you need to lock it down, then do it. Be angry—be mean if you have to—you don’t owe anyone your kindness. Just do whatever you have to do to get through the day.” She says fiercely. “Get up, Remi Sorrengail. And try again.”

I inhale sharply, sucking in air, and as I exhale my breath shakes. I do it three more times. “What about—”

“No.” Winifred shakes her head. “You don’t think about anyone or anything else. Your focus is getting through today. Don’t think about Violet, don’t think about tomorrow. You’re in survival mode now.” She says, “lock it down.”

I grip my knees tightly to my chest. “I don’t know how.” I look up at her.

“I can help with that.” Nolon says quietly and I hadn’t even realised the door was open again. Winifred straightens, but I remain on the floor in the corner, feeling sheltered behind her massive desk. Nolon circles around to sit in front of me, crossing his legs.

With one last stroke to my hair, Winifred leaves us and then it’s just Nolon and I on the floor like children. I feel like one, anyway. I feel like a baby. The last time I curled up on the floor of someone’s office and cried it was dad’s and Brennan came to get me. He held me tight and told me everything was going to be ok. It wasn’t, but I appreciated it at the time. I was five.

“Ok. What I’m going to teach you is a technique that usually you’re taught when you bond with a dragon. So we’re just going to give you a head start.” Nolon says, his posture open and honest.

“I’m going to be late for class.” I tell him hesitantly, still feeling like there’s a weight on my chest.

“You’re sick.” He says firmly and I know he actually means it, he isn’t just giving it as an excuse. My lower lip trembles. “I’m going to teach you how to shield.” He says, “and it’s something I expect you’ll excel at.”

I look at him, confused. “How is shielding from…from a dragon in my head supposed to help me manage my own head?”

He smiles, humour in his gaze. “Part of the process is bringing a semblance of order to your mind.” He says. “Now close your eyes.” I obey immediately. “You’ll need to visualise a place you can feel safe. Somewhere defensible. A lot of people will say it should be somewhere that feels like home.”

“Nowhere feels like home to me.” I murmur, picturing a box in my mind’s eye.

“Wherever you choose, just make sure it’s comfortable.”

I picture a soft, squishy floor, not quite like a mattress and numerous pillows tossed over by the wall out of the way. Slowly, I envision a bunch of fur blankets, including the one from Brennan’s bed I loved so much before it was burned. My jaw shakes a little.

“Do you feel safe?” Nolon asks and I shake my head.

“No.” Nowhere feels safe anymore, certainly not inside my own mind.

“Why not?”

My voice shakes. “It’s inside my body. My body isn’t safe.” My body hurts me more than anyone else.

“Make it safe from your body then.”

“And from my thoughts?” He makes a noise of dissent.

“No,” Nolon informs me. “Your thoughts need to be safe inside it if you’re going to protect them from inntinnsics and those who might be able to access them otherwise.”

I frown, still holding my knees tight to my chest. “Otherwise?”

He makes a noise of confirmation. “Like Dain Aetos.”

My eyes fly open. “What?”

Nolon is looking at me with chagrin. “Aetos’ signet allows him to view a person’s recent memories.” I stare at him with horror.

“How is that allowed? Inntinnsics are—”

“He’s not an inntinnsic.” Nolon interrupts. “He needs skin-to-skin contact to read someone’s memories.” Horror washes through me. I start to think about all the times I’ve seen him touch another person—about the time he touched me.

“Does he need to touch your head?” I’ve seen him caress Violet’s face more than once. I thought it was just the torch he carried for her but now—

“I don’t know.” Nolon says quietly. “Don’t let him touch you, anyway.” I nod, feeling nauseous. What did he see that day he grabbed my wrists in the academic wing—if anything at all? Realisation washes over me.

“Liam.” I whisper quietly. “That day in the hall…Xaden didn’t step in until Dain almost touched Liam.” Which means they know. They knew he’d been in my head and said nothing. Another betrayal, what a surprise. I know Liam didn’t know me very well then, but what would he have to lose by telling me?

“It wouldn’t surprise me if Riorson knew about it.” Nolon confirmed my thoughts. “But,” he continued softly, “it also wouldn’t surprise me if Violet knew.” I jolt at that. “I have no doubt she believes him honourable enough not to use it, if she does know.” He says quickly. “But it would not surprise me if he’d mentioned it.”

I feel my heart sink like a stone. Regardless of whether she believes Dain would use it, she knows he doesn’t like me—knew what he did to me—why didn’t she tell me?

“In any case, that’s what makes it important your thoughts and memories are protected.” Nolon reverts back to teaching. “Close your eyes and try again.”

I furrow my brow, picturing my box once more. “Can I keep them in here but seperate to me?” I ask, biting my lip.

Nolon hums thoughtfully. “Memories, yes. Feelings, probably too. But thoughts? I doubt it.” I sigh but go back to visualising anyway, adding an extra little box off to the side of mine—an attached vault with a large, magically enhanced door two-foot thick. There.

“Have you got something?” I nod, keeping my eyes closed. “Ok.” He says and I can hear that he’s smiling. “You’re going to need to open a space up for you to channel your dragon’s power when you bond with one, so be aware of that.” I make a face. I don’t think I’m making it to Threshing, let alone being chosen by a dragon, but I don’t voice my thoughts aloud.

“Now, dig your feet into the ground.” He says, “really feel it, imagine you’re there—wherever you’ve pictured.” Wherever I’ve made. I let my imaginary toes dig into the soft, squishy floor as I curl up in a corner with a few pillows and Brennan’s blanket.

“What you’re doing is called grounding.” Nolon informs me. “It’s used to keep your mental self somewhere when you’re channelling power, so you don’t get swept away by it.” So you don’t die, I read between the lines.

“Now you just need to practice keeping yourself grounded.” He says. “It’s not a big rush for you, because you’re obviously not channeling yet, but the practice should help you regulate your emotions, even if you can’t shield just yet.” He tells me quietly and as he’s saying it I take my confrontation this morning with Liam and Bodhi, the rage and pain I felt when I watched them say nothing under that oak tree—and I toss it into the vault, swinging the door shut behind it. It feels almost like disassociation.

I think about how upset Vi made me that night and I move toward it again before I stop, tilting my head slightly. Slowly, I move the vault in my minds eye down beneath my feet. I visualise a tiny one way pressure valve joining my box, to the vault.

With much more efficiency, I take the memory that’s haunting me and shove it through the valve, pushing it down, down, down into the dark vault below. When I’ve worked my way back through to parapet and my mother’s ultimate betrayal, I finally decide enough is enough for the day and toss a blanket over it, obscuring it from view.

Hesitantly, I blink my eyes open. I’m alone in the office and my back is aching against the wall I’ve been leaning on. I wonder how long it’s been. Slowly, I lever myself up, wincing at the discomfort. When I emerge, Nolon is talking in a low volume with Winifred, who looks concerned.

When he glances up and sees me, he smiles. “How do you feel?” He asks, moving toward me.

“Better.” I croak and I actually do mean it. I feel…empty, wrung out, but also less volatile and that’s just fine with me.

“It’s not a permanent fix.” Nolon warns. “It’s a tool to help you cope, not so you stop trying to.” I take his warning for what it is, though inside my head I’m assuming it probably won’t matter anyway; I won’t be around long enough to face the consequences.

“Here.” Winifred stretches out her hand, two tiny vials in her palm along with a needle. “Do you have combat gloves?” She asks and I nod. I do have some, though I stole them from Mira for riding horses, not fighting people. Luckily I assumed they’d come in handy and had packed them for the trip across the parapet. Presumably Mira had thought so too because she had let me keep them.

“Drink this before your fight today.” She says, pointing to the first vial. “And then coat the needle in that.” She points to the second. “Don’t stick yourself with it, regardless.” I look at her, confused.

“There’s enough poison in there to take down a horse.” She says. “If they’re brought to us, they’ll be fine.” She says, a slight tilt to her head before she adds, “…probably.”

I gape. “Win!” I cry, a little scandalised. This woman is a healer.

“Someone has to look out for you.” She shrugs. “If they try and kill you, perhaps they deserve it.” She says softly.

My eyes well with tears again. I’d still been crying unbeknownst to myself while I was sorting out my mental vault and now my eyes are swollen and irritated. They’re probably bright red. I hug her tightly before doing the same with Nolon.

“I really appreciate it.” I try and offer them a smile, mostly to ease Win’s mind.

“We know.” She says simply. “Now you’d best get out of here. You’ve already been absent all day.” I turn to her questioningly. “If I’m not mistaken you’re meant to be in the gym right now.” My jaw drops.

She passes me a banana and an apple. “Eat these on your way.” She instructs. “Go and get your gloves—and Remi? Lock it down.” I nod, my eyes shuttering as I turn on my heel striding back toward the Riders Quadrant.

I’m already in my leathers and I’d wrapped my joints this morning. I just have to get my gloves from the dorm and get organised. I eat the fruit they offered me quickly, my feet chewing up the tunnel across the ravine in record time. I look in one of the glass windows and catch my reflection staring back at me—my face is swollen, and my eyes are red from crying, but there’s nothing to be done about it now.

I duck into the bathing chambers once I reach the dorm and splash some cold water over myself. I know it’s probably not enough but I no longer care. I’ve been crying, so fucking what? It just means I’m even more likely to gut whoever crosses me. I pull on Mira’s gloves and steady myself, one foot inside my box, one in the real world. I remember how confident—how dangerous—I felt the first time I put these leathers on in my old room and decide to channel that attitude.

Quickly, I down the vial of antidote and coat the thin, almost invisible needle in the poison. I slide it between my knuckles and flex my fist experimentally. All I have to do is get one good hit in—just one. I make sure all my daggers are in place and take a deep breath.

By the time I’m approaching the gym I’ve almost convinced myself I’m actually above everyone here. ‘You’re a fucking Sorrengail’. Mira’s words ring in my head. They want to treat me like a Sorrengail so badly? Their wish is my fucking command. I throw the doors open, striding in with all the attitude I can muster. I keep my head held high despite the attention my late entry is garnering me, despite the fact that I’ve obviously been crying.

I find half of my squad in our usual corner, along with a number of people I don’t recognise and I do my best to avoid Liam’s gaze, coming to a stop next to Sage. “Are you ok?” She whispers, her voice low. “I haven’t seen you at all today.” Bodhi is on Liam’s other side, a mat across from us is Xaden and the Flame Section leader, and at another two beyond them, my sister is standing with Rhiannon. I close my eyes for a second, mentally sticking my feet to the floor of the box. Don’t think about Violet, don’t think about tomorrow. You’re in survival mode now.

“Sorrengail, you’re late!” Augustus calls and I merely shrug, lifting one shoulder as I open my eyes.

“I was sick.” I say, deadpan and Morgan snorts across the mat from me. “You’re welcome to check in with the infirmary if you like.” I offer, no inflection in my voice. He knows, just like all the professors do, exactly where I’ve spent the last two years of my life. Regardless of whether it’s true of not, the healers will take my side.

He sighs in aggravation. “Fine.” I don’t recognise either of the two men on the mat at the moment, though I do recognise the injury the soon-to-be winner just inflicted with his boot—a metacarpal fracture—ouch.

“You were missing this morning.” I say to Sage, not bothering to keep my voice low. “Find something you like?”

She grins unrepentantly. Maybe that’s why we get along, we’re both pretty shameless. “A second-year, from the Third Wing,” she tells me. “Amazing boobs, even more amazing mouth.” A grin spreads across my lips, matching hers.

“Lucky.” I comment. “What I wouldn’t give to find someone who knows how to use their tongue properly around here.” I fold my arms over my chest, careful of the needle still sticking out between my knuckles.

Against my better judgement, I let my gaze drift back over toward my sister, just in time to catch her tossing two daggers at Jack fucking Barlowe. My jaw clenches and I almost feel disgusted as I realise my annoyance is only matched by Aetos’. My eyes follow them for a moment as they argue. Personally I’m just annoyed by Vi’s hypocrisy—she gets angry that I antagonise people with my flares of temper, but now she’s fine with doing the same because Xaden told her to?

“Sorrengail.” Augustus calls, waving a hand. “Evans.” As if thinking his name summons him or something, the wingleader himself comes to a stop next to Bodhi, his eyes studying my face. I send him what I hope is a lethal glare before turning my back, heading onto the mat as I concentrate on my grounding.

When I look up, the man across from me, Viktor, is pulling off his shirt. I’ve seen him once before, it’s how I knew who he was when I read his name on the board next to mine, but what I’d failed to realise was that he wasn’t just any other cadet. Climbing his arm, from his wrist to his bicep is a swirling rebellion relic. Just fucking great.

I stare up at him, not offering even a hint of emotion. I hope he’s unnerved by it but honestly, he just seems thrilled with the opportunity to beat the shit out of—and possibly kill—me. “I was worried you weren’t going to show.” He smiles viciously. I guess Xaden’s possessive little ‘they’re mine’ decree doesn’t extend to challenges.

I let a tiny smirk pull at my lips. “That’s so sweet of you.” I simper. “I know, it’s hard to stop thinking about me once you’ve seen all of this.” I gesture to myself. If locking it down is the best way to get through this, as Winifred suggests, then causing someone to lose it is probably also beneficial. Luckily for me, annoying people is something I excel at.

He narrows his eyes at me and begins circling. “Oh, we’re starting now?” I ask, faking surprise. “I’m sorry, I thought there was going to be, you know, a little speech or something.” I dart to the side as he lunges for me, avoiding his fist. I circle around him quickly, watching his footwork.

“No?” I keep my tone nonchalant, “you don’t want to tell me your little sob story about how my mother killed your parents and blah, blah, blah?” It’s a low blow, but damn if it doesn’t work. The sound he lets out is pure rage and it almost, but not quite, covers up Sage’s groan of defeat.

Viktor launches forward—faster than I thought he’d be capable of really, with all that muscle—and aims a palm strike for my throat. I duck underneath it, rolling out of the way of his leg as he attempts to kick me. When I come back up my vision is black and I have to dart backward, hoping it will clear by the time he’s on me again.

It costs me a glancing blow to my shoulder but that’s just fine with me, better than a blow to the head. I circle back around, dodging three more strikes. “You’re not very fast, are you?” I muse, laughing as he leaps toward me again. I manage to dodge him again and again, keeping my eyes peeled for any minute twitch of his muscles, the way I’d been trained to—I guess Liam was good for something.

Eventually, when he’s coming off a vicious attempt to kick me in the gut, I see my opportunity. I duck under his guard, punching him straight in the chest, directly over his heart. Just as quickly, I throw myself backward. He stumbles, looking dazed for a moment and then tries to hit me again. I dodge around him once, twice and on his third attempt to put his fist through my face he falls to his knees, the toxin doing its job.

I stride over to him and slide the dagger he hadn’t bothered to draw—hadn’t thought he’d need—out of the sheath at his thigh, dodging around a lazy attempt to hit me. Arrogantly, I pat him on the shoulder. “Better luck next time.” I move to retake my place next to Sage but Augustus shakes his head.

“He hasn’t yielded.”

I look at him like he’s crazy. Slowly, I turn my head back to Viktor, who’s still kneeling on the mat, and then back to Augustus again. “Oh.” I step backward, unsurely. “You want me to like…just stand here or do you want me to kill him?”

Sage snorts, her hand flying up to cover her mouth.

“Of course I don’t want you to kill him.” Augustus says, exasperated.

I shrug. “He was definitely going to kill me.” I tell the professor seriously. “But uh…trust me. He yields.”

“Evans?” Augustus asks, looking at him seriously. He doesn’t respond, still trying to catch his breath. He might never catch his breath actually.

“Hey.” I click my fingers in front of his face. “Repeat after me—I. Yield.” Viktor stares directly ahead.

“What did you do to him?” Bodhi asks, looking disturbed.

I level him with a dark glare, relishing in the way he flinches. “Nothing worse than he would have done to me.” I lift my chin. “But if you really want to know, feel free to step over here.” I gesture to the mat.

I’ve never seen him look so unapproachable before—his entire face closes off and he steps back a little. I turn my head, just slightly and meet Xaden’s dark glare. I sigh, turning back to the mat. “Fine.” I say to Augustus. “I’ll yield.” Sage begins to protest as I toss the dagger back down. It’s too bulky for my tiny hands anyway—he can keep it.

“No.” The professor sighs in defeat. “He does.” Slowly, I pick the dagger back up and hand it off to my friend, despite knowing it’s against the rules.

“Here.” I tell her. “It’s too big for me anyway.”

She laughs, tossing her head back. “Bet that’s the first time those words have left your mouth.”

I grin, wagging my eyebrows. “Well—” I go to retort, but Augustus cuts me off.

“Does he actually need a healer?” He asks, motioning for Ronan, our squad leader to come forward and support Viktor’s weight.

“No idea.” I smile pleasantly. “All I did was punch the guy.” I feel my scalp prickle and bring my head up sharply, my eyes locking on Xaden’s once more. I quickly ground myself in my box, letting indifference settle in my bones. The prickle disappears and a sense of unease washes over me. What the… No. I’m just imagining things…aren’t I?

I raise an eyebrow, daring him to say something. He doesn’t. Bodhi steps forward. “I get that you’re upset—”

I laugh, shaking my head. “I’m not upset.” I lie.

“Your eyes are red.” Liam says softly. “You disappeared all day—”

“Shame it wasn’t longer, right?” I can’t help but retort, smiling sardonically.

“Rem—”

“Leave it, Liam.” Xaden’s the one who cuts in this time. “I told you, she’s not worth your time.”

It hits a mark he shouldn’t have known to aim for and I swallow hard. I am worth someone’s time. I am. There are people who like me, I tell myself, they’re just not a bunch of separatist’s kids. I plaster the nastiest sneer I can manage onto my face. You don’t owe anyone your kindness.

“Respectfully, wingleader,” Sage steps up beside me, “go fuck yourself.”

I fold my arms across my chest, hiding the way my hands are shaking. I lean closer to Sage, allowing her to wrap her arm around me. I shove my hurt and anger down, pushing it through the valve, and straighten my spine. “It’s fine, Sage.” I shake my head. “A dragon doesn’t care for the opinion of sheep.”

I turn my back on them. I don’t have to listen to this. “Have you fought?” I ask Sage and at her nod, we turn and exit the gym, heedless to the disapproving stare of Professor Augustus. I completed the challenge I was supposed to—I’m not staying to watch everyone else’s.

“Are you going to be ok?” She asks me quietly as we move through the hall and out into the commons.

I shrug. “Honestly?” She nods. “I don’t know.” Slowly, carefully, I peel back Brennan’s blankets and mentally step out of the box. “I almost died today.” I tell her, staring straight ahead. “And it wasn’t someone else who nearly killed me—it was me.”

She falters a little, missing a step as I continue through the rotunda and into the dorms. “It’s funny.” I tell her, my tone flat. “For all that I knew this place would kill me, I never imagined that it might just force my hand to do it.” We walk through rows of beds, past the empty ones. Mine could have been empty tonight. It finally settles into my bones.

“The darkness just—it got so big it took over.” I say quietly. “I was so hurt and angry and for a while I just—I just wanted it all to stop.”

“You fought.” Sage says, her voice strong. “You fought just now.” When I look over, she’s grinding her teeth together, her jaw tight. “You have the strength to keep going—to go all the way—you just can’t see it right now.”

I open my mouth to argue, but she’s already talking again. “I’m not saying it’s easy. It’s hard to see anything when you’re drowning,” she says. “But I think you owe it to yourself to try. If you give up now, then your entire life, all the pain and the suffering—it’s been for nothing.”

As we reach my bunk, she sits down beside me, taking my hand. “If you won’t do it for yourself, do it for whoever comes after you. Because one day there’s going to be a little girl just like you, growing up in pain and they’re going to know that they can be whatever they fucking want to be—because Remi Sorrengail’s a fucking dragon rider.”

I let her words wash over me, swallowing hard. “But it’s hard.” I whisper.

“And it’s not fair.” She agrees. “But when was the last time you had an easy day?” She looks at me seriously. I don’t remember. “Yesterday wasn’t easy. Neither was the day before that—or probably five years ago today.” She shrugs. “But you did it. You’re still here. That has to mean something.”

Because if it doesn’t, what is this all for?

“When you die, you’ll just be gone. I don’t believe there’s anything after death and I know neither do you—it’s why you’re not afraid of it.” She tells me and she’s right; to me, death is the kind of peaceful, eternal sleep that I crave. It’s a reprieve.

“Life is hard. Harder than death ever will be. But it can be rewarding too.” She touches my shoulder gently. “The force with which you feel that hurt? Imagine if that were love. Because it could be—someday. You just have to survive long enough to see it.”

Emotion rushes back through me. For the first time, I really appreciate Bodhi putting me in this squad. It might have brought me pain, but it also brought me a friend. One with more care than I could have imagined possible in a place like this.

“Plus,” Sage continues, a smile on her face. “If you do manage to make it through the challenges, up the Gauntlet and into the canyon for a dragon to pick you…isn’t that just the biggest fuck you to everybody?” Ah, there’s the Sage I know.

A small smile creeps across my face. “You’re right.” I tell her, leaning into her side. “It would be nice to stick it to some of these assholes.”

“That’s the spirit!” She grins. “Now, why don’t you and I start making some plans.”

“Plans?” I raise an eyebrow.

“Plans.” She confirms. “One day at a time is a good way to do things, but there’s also some merit in planning ahead.” She says. “Think about your success like a mathematical equation—or a logic puzzle. What’s the first step to solving those?” She looks at me expectantly.

“We need the variables.” I respond automatically.

“We need the variables.” She confirms, and the smirk that spreads across her face is nothing short of mischievous.

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“This…I’m not liking these variables.” I say to Sage, my eyes blown wide as I look up and up and up…

It’s the middle of the night and my friend and I are squinting into the dark, halfway between the quadrant proper and the flight field. “I mean…I’m so small….and it’s so high.”

“I hear those pillars shake,” Sage adds, pointing to the three upright logs on the third switchback.

“Gods,” I moan, “I can’t believe I’m going to even attempt this. And for other people!” I throw my head back.

Sage cackles, tossing her arm over my shoulder. “Well look at it this way, we know what we need to work on now.”

I turn my head, looking at her out the corner of my eye. “And what’s that?” I ask, curling my lip doubtfully.

“Everything.”

I snort, despite myself, stepping closer to the terrifying obstacle course they call the Gauntlet. “Yeah, that matches what Brennan said.” A small smile touches my lips. “Balance, strength and agility.” I recite from memory. It was in one of his journal entries I’d read a night or so ago.

“Well…” I study the unmoving course before us. “I think I can make it across the first log, I have good balance?” I offer, trying to sound positive for once.

“It spins.” Sage crushes my dreams. “You have to be fast as well as balanced.”

I groan. “Why can’t anything in this damn hellhole be easy?” I whine. I study the cliff face in front of us once more. “The wheel thing I can probably do.” I say, “I’m assuming it just spins?”

Sage makes a face. “What does that have to do with riding a dragon, anyway?” Because that’s what the course is supposed to test—the skills you need to be a dragon rider, whether that’s manoeuvring during combat or simply getting onto a dragon.

“What do those balls have to do with it either?” I complain, throwing my arm out. That one actually might be hard. I don’t have the body mass to curve my entire form around them, nor do I have the strength to hold on.

“I’m actually worried about that.” Sage points toward an obstacle right near the top, shaped like a chimney. I tilt my head, studying it.

“I think it seems easier than the one above it.”

Sage shakes her head immediately. “No way!” She argues. “That one you just have to run up it and pull yourself up.” I look pointedly up and down her tall frame and then at mine. “Yeah. Point made.” She grumbles.

“I think I can probably do that chimney thing with mostly my legs…” I muse, stalking closer. My legs are much stronger than my arms. “But I have no clue how I’m going to get up that wall.” I shake my head.

Sage sighs, crossing her arms over her chest. “Well, we have four weeks to figure it out.”

I raise an eyebrow. “Isn’t it eight?”

She shakes her head. “It’s four until we’re supposed to start practicing on this thing.” She informs me. “A lot of cadets die just practicing.” I can imagine.

“Ok. So…” I look at her sceptically.

“So we work on strengthening your muscle as much as possible.” She tells me. “As far as the challenges go, do you think you can keep doing what you did today?” She asks and I nod. I hope so anyway.

She studies me in the sliver of light the new moon has made available to us. “Remi.” She says quietly.

“I don’t want to.” I whisper, staring up at the cliff with fear. I swallow, taking a deep breath, “but I’ll try.”

“What do you want?” She asks, her tone almost conversational. “What makes life worthwhile to you?”

I falter. “I don’t…I don’t know.”

“Well what was the last thing you wanted?” She prods. A hug from Brennan, I think, closing my eyes tight. “Not like that.” She chides gently, reading my expression. “Start small.” I frown. “For example,” she smiles, “the last thing I wanted was a piece of chocolate.” She laughs. “It’s a crime that we aren’t given any here.” We aren’t. And since we aren’t allowed mail either, as first-years, we have no way of procuring any.

“Before that,” she grins, “it was that second-year from the Third Wing.” She wiggles her eyebrows. “And gods was that worth being alive for.” I laugh, genuinely, for the first time in days.

“Sage!” I protest, my hands on my knees.

“Oh, come on!” Her smile is all teeth. “You’re telling me you haven’t thought about anyone since you got here?” She raises an eyebrow in challenge. “Tell me, what was the last thing you wanted?” Her smile becomes a salacious smirk and I groan, my cheeks reddening.

“No.” I turn on my heel, intending to head back toward the dorms.

“Remi!” She calls out, grabbing my arm with a laugh. “Well now you have to tell me!” She grins. “You look mortified!”

I bite my lip. “I am.” I sigh, letting her reel me in.

“It can’t be that bad.” She laughs. I mumble under my breath and she leans in close, snickering. “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that.”

My face flames and I mumble louder, “Xaden Riorson.”

Sage snorts, her whole body shaking. “I—Rem,” she can’t stop laughing.

“Shut up.” I hiss, kicking her in the shin. “Wanted. Past-tense.” She sobers dramatically.

“Oh.” Her mouth drops open and I can tell she’s thinking about this afternoon in the gym. The words he’d spoken. “Ohh.”

“And he’s been flirting with my sister.” I add.

“What?” She practically screeches.

I nod. “You should have been there, it was so uncomfortable.” I sigh. “So. Yeah…maybe I need to try women.” I ponder, looking at her thoughtfully.

“Are you attracted to women?” She asks.

“No.” I sulk. Life would be much easier if I was.

“Who would you date if you were going to date a woman?” She wonders, as we turn to head back toward the quadrant.

“Rhiannon.” I say immediately. The woman is practically a goddess.

“Mmm.” Sage hums in agreement. “She’s been chasing after Tara, that second-year, for ages, otherwise I would have gone for her myself.”

“Shame.” I say, leading the way back across the rotunda. “She looks like she knows how to have a good time.”

When we’re by the first-year dorms I turn to her expectantly. “I’ll see you at breakfast?”

“See you at breakfast.” She confirms, squeezing my hand gently.

“And Sage?” I say, turning my head as I step through the door. “Thanks.”

Chapter Text

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The next few weeks pass slowly, my mood ebbing and flowing like the tide. I win three more challenges using toxins in order to floor my opponents. My gloves have become a common sight on my hands because I’m finding myself spending a lot more time working with poisons. The substances I’m using make Violet’s plants look like child’s play and a man from the Third Wing nearly died last week because of it. Currently he’s still under the healers’ purview, which unfortunately for him, means Win’s tender, loving care.

Luckily for me, I’m using toxins which give a variety of different effects, so I don’t think it’s particularly obvious what I’m doing, especially when my opponents’ downfall in battle follows a blow to the heart or throat. Definitely no one’s connected my winning streak to Violet’s so that’s a plus.

Speaking of my sister, she’s currently avoiding me again. She’s not impressed with the reckless, coldhearted attitude I’ve been showing the rest of the quadrant, including her, but I can’t bring myself to feel bad about it. When I’d needed her, really needed her, she wasn’t there. She had chosen to guilt trip me instead of just giving me a hug and I don’t know if I’ll ever forget it.

I need to put myself first. As Winifred put it, I’m in survival mode, and Violet’s brand of help doesn’t get me anywhere the way Sage’s does. I do feel bad for not doing more to help my sister out, but she’s managing just fine on her own it seems. Half of her squad seems to have joined her friendship circle, which is nice for her. Sage and I are still keeping to ourselves, though I don’t mind Morgan and Ronan all that much, either.

The two of us have been out to the Gauntlet course a couple of times since that first night, though we’ve never attempted to climb it—not yet anyway. We’ve been training together still, and working on my strength and speed three to four nights a week, but it isn’t the same without Liam.

Liam…I feel bad about. Given some time and distance from that night, I can accept that maybe I overreacted. It wouldn’t be easy for him to stand up for me amongst twenty other cadets, none of whom knew me the way he did. It still hurts, but with space, I can now look at it objectively.

That doesn’t make up for what followed though. I’d been mean—downright horrible—that morning, but what Xaden had said, on one of my lowest days…that was harder to deal with. And Liam hadn’t said a word then either. He’d all but confirmed, in my mind, that if his brother wanted to kill me, he’d just stand aside and let him. So yeah, while I could admit I’d overreacted and I felt bad for it…I also wasn’t ready to try and be friends with him again.

Currently, Sage and I are sitting together in Battle Brief, waiting for Professor Devera to get started. I haven’t been as active in this class recently, mostly because it bores me to tears, but today it looks like my luck might change. She’s eyeing me speculatively as she illuminates the map behind her.

“Last night, there was another attack on our north-eastern border, in the Esben mountain range, just here.” She begins, pointing to a spot on the map. I suck in a sharp breath and I know without having to look that Violet has done the same two rows down. That’s right near where Mira had said she was stationed when she left us on Conscription Day.

“The wards faltered and were breached by a squad of Cygnis gryphon riders.” I tense. “They were eliminated with only minor injuries reported on our side.” The breath rushes out of me. “What questions would you ask to determine our next steps?”

“Where was the exact spot they breached the wards, what commonalities does that area share with the centre point of the attack at Chakir, and how are they bringing the wards down with their gryphons struggling to channel at such a high altitude.” I quiz her succinctly before anyone can utter a word.

Devera grins, turning to face me directly. “Anything else?”

“How long did it take the riders to re-weave those wards and can we send their leading wardsmith a thank you letter?” I smile cheekily, ignoring the scoff behind me.

“What makes you think it was Mira?”

“Call it a hunch.” I remain sprawled in my chair, staring across at her.

“It was almost directly east of Montserrat.” She narrows the mage light down to a single point, right at the summit of the Esben range. “The commonalities are above this room’s pay grade, and we don’t know how they’re bringing the wards down.” So this was exactly like last time then. Gods, Battle Brief is a waste of time.

“And you’re right. The wing based out of Montserrat flew and Lieutenant Sorrengail rewove the wards with minimal assistance while the rest of her wing eliminated the gryphons and their riders.” Devera nods.

“How many of the attacks have occurred around midnight?” I ask her, leaning forward slightly in my chair, resting my chin in the palm of my hand.

“They’ve all occurred between the hours of eleven pm and one am,” Devera looks interested now. “Why do you ask?”

I shrug, carelessly. “Just wondering why no one’s thought to preempt an attack yet and figure out how they’re bringing the wards down.” I raise an eyebrow at her.

“And how would you do that?” She fires back.

“Set up regular patrols along the mountain summits between ten pm and two am out of Shepley, Sumerton and Draithus.” I lean back in my chair. “If they’re looking for something, they haven’t found it yet and so far they’ve been quite methodical.” I watch Devera closely. “There has to be a way they’re causing the wards to falter without magic—I want to know what it is.”

There’s something about the way she looks at me that sets my teeth on edge. Like she knows something I don’t—I mean, it’s obvious she knows a great many things I don’t, given her security clearance—but she’s looking at me like she knows something about me.

“How do you expect they’re causing magical wards to falter without magic?” The annoying girl from Violet’s squad (who always leaves her hair out) turns around in front of me and I can tell she’s looking down on me, even from two rows below.

“We’ve been over this.” I tell her, my tone chiding. I explain it slowly, like I’m speaking to a three year old and not a twenty year old cadet. It does feel like a daycare in here sometimes. “Gryphon riders can’t channel well enough at those altitudes to cause our wards to falter.” I lean back in my seat. “So either they’re doing it without magic or the information we’re being given here…is wrong.” I look at Devera calculatingly. She tenses, just slightly, like a mouse caught under the paws of a cat.

“I can assure you, gryphon riders were present.” She says.

“But no one was there when the wards faltered.” I point out, tilting my head. “You said that yourself.”

“We don’t have any other enemies.”

“And if that’s the case, my point stands.” I smile at her pleasantly. “How are they doing it?”

“Perhaps what we know about gryphon riders is wrong.” A dark voice interjects, ending mine and Devera’s stare-off. I stiffen, refusing to turn around. “How do we know they can’t channel effectively at that altitude still? It’s not like they’re an open book to us.”

Devera deflates at Riorson’s voice and I grit my teeth, mentally sinking my feet into the plush ground of the box in my minds eye. It won’t do to lose my temper. If she’s relieved he interrupted, I was definitely onto something—be it her own incompetency or something bigger and I can quickly join the dots to understand Riorson knows about it. Keep what you know, but recite what they tell you. That’s what he’d said to that first-year under the oak tree a month ago. It definitely seems like something is being withheld from us in Battle Brief, and the marked ones know what it is.

“Sure. They’ve been faking us out this whole time, playing the long game.” I say sarcastically and there’s a short burst of laughter that follows.

“I was unaware you’d spent time on a wing, Cadet Sorrengail.” He says pleasantly and I can feel his eyes drilling into the back of my head. Asshole.

“Oh, I haven’t.” I finally turn, meeting those dark eyes across the lecture hall. He’s leaning against the back wall, looking completely unconcerned. “But the data’s been gathered by hundreds of riders who have so unless you have a conspiracy theory you’d like to share…” I trail off.

“No.” He smirks and this time it’s with all the predatory nature of a shark. “I just know numbers aren’t everything.”

“Well, some numbers are.” I simply can’t help myself. There goes another thought past that imaginary valve, hopefully never to see the light of day again. The lecture hall titters with laughter once more and Devera coughs, bringing my attention back to her.

“We’re getting off-topic. It’s unlikely you’ll be making decisions about troop movements any time soon, but your idea in regards to altering the patrol routes in the Esben range was a good one.” She tells me. “That kind of critical thinking will get you far when you’re assigned to a wing.” When, not if.

“I actually just want a desk job.” I mutter to myself and Sage snorts, pressing her lips together.

When we’re walking out together half an hour later, my arm is grabbed tightly and I turn to find Bodhi’s dark curls next to me. I glare at him, looking between his face and his hand on my arm pointedly. He lets go, but not before pulling me into a dark corner, Sage following hesitantly. What the hell does he want? We haven’t spoken a word since that day in the gym when I won my first challenge.

“Don’t ever imply they’re lying to us in Battle Brief again.”

I laugh incredulously, shaking my head. “Unbelievable.” It’s the first time he’s talked to me in weeks and all he has to say is that? I turn, intending to walk away, but his hand grips my arm again, his fingers wrapping around my wrist.

“Remi.” He says seriously, keeping his voice low. “Don’t. Not if you value your life.”

I stare at him, surprised he hasn’t put it together yet. “I don’t.” I tell him, unflinching. We stare at each other for another moment before I turn, face blank, and walk away—this time without any attempts being made to stop me.

When we’re out into the rotunda Sage lowers her head, hissing to me, “ok, what the fuck?” She looks at me with wide eyes. “I followed your train of thought in Battle Brief but he said that like he really thought…”

I nod. “I’m convinced something’s being covered up.” I tell her, “and all of them,” I indicate my arm with my fingertip, swirling it around in the shape of a rebellion relic, “know about it.”

Sage blinks. “Ok…but why? Why them?” We head through to the commons.

“I mean, the obvious answer is that it has something to do with the rebellion,” I theorise. “Like…do we really know why they rebelled?” I ask her, keeping my voice low.

“They wanted to secede?” Sage asks, more than tells me, her voice unsure.

“Did they? Or did they want to seize control?” I ask her. “And either way—why? No one does that without a reason—and these people, they thought their reason was worth dying for, was worth dragging their children through a war for—so it must have been something major.”

We line up to get our food. “And how do you think that connects to—”

I cut her off before she can finish her sentence, given the amount of ears in here. “I don’t know.” I shrug. “I don’t have enough variables for that.” Sage smiles, shaking her head.

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After lunch, Sage heads off to the Archives for her duty assignment and I head down to the lake, intending to work on some of my art. I have a few hours free, so I get situated on a rock and pull my knees halfway to my chest, my charcoals resting on the stone next to me.

Unable to resist, I start drawing and by the time an hour has passed I’m looking at a half-finished version of my older brother’s face. I can’t get the eyes right. I try once, twice and then on the third try I break my charcoal in half, a cry of frustration escaping me. It quickly turns to tears as I realise I’ve forgotten his face. Not everything, but the little things, the details like the shape of his eyes—I can’t picture them anymore.

“Fuck.” I mutter, turning the page angrily. I try once more but this time it’s the shape of his lips that trips me up and I turn away in disgust. Silent tears roll down my cheeks but the lake is empty—there’s no one around at this time on a weekday to see.

The last time I’d been this out of control—the last time I felt so low I didn’t know if I could survive it—was when Brennan had died. Mira couldn’t help me, she was in the quadrant at the time and it would have felt terrible to put my grief on her, given she was dealing with all of that too. Violet had grown closer to dad and I had been left to my own devices—to my demons.

The darkness had almost consumed me. It had turned me into a bitter, quick-to-anger remanent of myself. I’d clawed my way back from the edge then and it’s only the reminder of that, that keeps me hoping maybe, just maybe I can do it again. The stakes are much higher now and yet—Sage was right, nothing has ever been easy for me. I made it through every day before this one; I can do it again.

Slowly, I rein that same darkness back in now and regain control over myself. The sun is shining and I can hear sparrows tittering away in the trees. It’s a beautiful day, so I shouldn’t be sitting here upset over something I can’t change. Brennan’s gone and as much as I hate it, it’s inevitable that I’ll start forgetting things about him.

When I feel up to it again I flip back to the start of my sketch paper, landing on the half finished artwork I’d begun weeks ago of the navy dragon from that very first day in the courtyard—Riorson’s dragon. Carefully, I pick my charcoals back up and return to working on it, this piece of art less emotional and therefore coming much easier.

I’ve almost completed it by the time another half hour has passed; it’s just the tail I can’t finish. I couldn’t see it that day after parapet, I don’t know what breed the dragon even is. I could just put anything on the page, but I want it to be correct. I suppose I might see the dragon again at some point, anyway.

“Sgaeyl’s a Blue Daggertail, in case you were wondering.” A low voice whispers in my ear and I jump, my hand dropping to my thigh as fingertips brush the back of my neck. I tilt my head back, turning it slightly to the side so I can see his face where he’s leaning down.

Xaden smirks, his fingers tightening over my skin at the top of my spine. I shudder, his almost gentle, yet threatening grip sending mixed signals rocketing through me. I suck in a sharp breath, slowly sliding my dagger out of its sheath and behind my back. I hadn’t heard him coming at all.

“Thank you.” I smile sarcastically. “I was.” I slowly exhale and press my neck back into his grip, challenging him. “Was there something else you needed, wingleader?” I arch a brow, the last word coming out more like a slur than any respectful form of address. His own brows creep toward his hairline.

“I really can’t decide if you’re brave or stupid.” He says, his eyes dropping to watch my tongue dart out and wet my lips.

“I’m neither.” I retort flippantly. He’s so close now that I’ve leaned back into his grip, I can feel the heat of his cheek radiating into mine. Tension thrums through my body and I try to steady myself.

“I could easily snap your neck.” His fingers tighten slightly, pressing into my skin.

“Go on then,” I taunt him with a glare, pressing back further. “If you think there’s anything you can do to me that will make me suffer any more than being here already is, you’re going to find yourself sorely disappointed, Riorson.”

He leans in so close I can feel his lips brushing my ear. “Maybe not to you.” He breathes and I feel agitation surge. I turn my head further so my lips are brushing his cheek, my body almost painfully contorted—good thing I’m freakishly flexible.

“Someone didn’t learn anything from Conscription Day.” I whisper, pushing my hand backward. “Femoral artery.” I say sweetly as he freezes in place, my dagger pressing threateningly into his flight leathers. “Do you think they can get a mender here in under two minutes, wingleader? Because that’s how long it will take for you to bleed out.” I sneer at him, my lips turning down angrily. “We’re a long way from the quadrant.”

He glares, his hand tightening on my neck. His lips are still brushing my ear as he snaps back, “two minutes is enough time for me to break your spine.” His fingertips creep around toward my throat—gods, he has big hands.

“Are you afraid to die, Riorson?” I ask pleasantly, relaxing my body back toward him. “Because I’m not.” I press my recently sharpened dagger through his leathers and into the skin of his thigh. “It’s an unfortunate side effect of not being worth anyone’s time—you don’t feel much of a need to be here.” I spit, anger attempting to claw its way up my spine alongside all the hurt I’d buried.

His jaw ticks. I know because I can feel it against my cheek. “You’re very protective of your sister for someone who’s been abandoned by her.” He croons. I twitch, just slightly as I try to keep my muscles soft under his hands in an attempt to seem unbothered.

“You’re very sure of yourself for someone who doesn’t know us at all.” I fire back, pressing the knife more firmly into his skin.

“I thought twins were meant to be synergic.” He says, “but the two of you—you’re nothing alike.” I don’t know if it’s meant to be a barb, but it lands as one anyway. I get it, I’m not like Violet. Tell me something I don’t know.

A soft caress tickles my skin and just like that, I’ve lost the opportunity to do away with him. His shadows encircle me gently, almost like a lover’s embrace, except for the fact that they’re holding me still. I can’t move a muscle. He circles around me lazily, like a predator, his fingers trailing over my throat.

“What do you want?” I practically growl at him, following his movements with wary eyes. If he was going to kill me he would have done it already, before I was even aware of his presence.

“Such a little spitfire,” He muses and I’m powerless to stop him as he reaches up a hand to tangle his fingers through my braid, pulling it free so my hair cascades around my shoulders in loose waves. I swallow harshly. His onyx eyes are drilling into me, studying my face. He still has my golden-brown strands twined around his fingers when one of his thumbs swipes along underneath my eye.

“Why were you crying?” It’s unexpected and entirely out of sync with everything else he’s said to me.

“None of your damn business.” I tell him harshly, wishing I could slap his hand away from me. Even if he wasn’t out to get me, even if he hadn’t treated me terribly, he would still be the last person I’d want to speak to about my brother. His father was the whole reason Brennan isn’t here anymore.

“I’m making you my business.” His eyes harden and he steps in close. “Here’s what’s going to happen right now,” He instructs, his fingers trailing through my hair. “You’re going to be a good girl and go up to the commons tonight, and work things out with Liam.” He says quietly, his face a cold mask.

My eyebrows raise, even as my body betrays me by heating up. He’s too close and pinned beneath his gaze as I am, if I could move, I’d be squirming uncomfortably. There’s a light in his eyes that says he knows that. “And why would I do that?” I grind my teeth together. I miss Liam, I miss him a lot, but I’m not ready to forgive. And what’s the point if the man standing before me is just going to kill me anyway?

“Because if you don’t, it will be your sister that pays the price.” I hate the way my lip trembles at his words. Violet and I might not be getting along right now—might not ever again—but she’s my sister, my responsibility. I have to protect her.

“Here’s a counter-offer.” I spit. “You touch a hair on my sister’s head and I kill every single one of your little rebellion friends.” I hiss. “Starting with your pink-haired girlfriend.” He merely snorts, shaking his head with a smirk. “You don’t think I’ll do it?” I ask, an annoyed snarl on my face.

He chuckles softly, leaning in to drag his fingers down my throat once more. “I think you might try.” He croons. “You’re very good at pretending to be tough.” The words hit me like a blow and if I weren’t immobilised by his shadows, I’d be trembling now.

“I’m not going to bother patching things up with Liam only to have you kill me in a week or two.” I say with only a hint of weakness, my tone defiant. “And why do you even want me to, anyway? You’re the one who told him not to be friends with me.” My throat tightens.

He frowns, stepping back from me. “He and Bodhi have been relentless in arguing your case,” Xaden informs me. “No matter how cruel you’ve been to them."

I swallow hard. “You’re lying.” I whisper.

“I have no need to.” He says simply. “I didn’t want them to be friends with a Sorrengail—I still don’t—but it’s less hassle for me, to let them make their own mistakes.” He shrugs. “If you persist in being a bigot—”

“No.” I cut him off, my face twisting up in a snarl. “You don’t get to call me that.” I’m angry now. So angry I can barely think. “You’re the one who’s hated me from the minute I stepped onto the turret just because of my last name. You. I’ve never, not once shown any prejudice against someone with a rebellion mark—” I bare my teeth as he goes to interrupt me, “—unless they’ve attacked me first.”

My chest is heaving from the strain of my fury and fighting against his shadows’ hold. “I’ve never done anything to you.” I can’t stop the hurt from bleeding into my voice. “You’re the bigots if all of you can’t see past a name.”

He hesitates, just for a second and then my arms are free and I can move again. “I’ll make you a deal.” He eyes me seriously, his gaze appearing slightly less cold than before. “If you patch things up with Liam and Bodhi, I’ll give you a little reprieve.” His head tilts to the side. “Threshing is just under two months away—I won’t kill you before then, provided you do as I’ve asked.”

I frown, staring at him. I’m…so confused. “I actually don’t expect to live past Threshing anyway.” I point out petulantly. “So I’m going to pass on that.” I shrug, “I really don’t care for an extra few weeks of life in this hellhole.”

He looks frustrated. The poor thing. He’s obviously never met someone as stubborn as me. “Your sister too then.” He sighs, and I almost want to refuse again, just to see if I’ll get a better offer. He studies my face and I realise then, that I’m looking back at someone who just wants to help their brother. Maybe Liam isn’t related to him by blood, but it’s clear they share a deep bond regardless. It strikes a chord in me.

“Never.” I argue, finality in my tone. “I don’t care what happens to me—if you want revenge you can take it out on me whenever, but Violet—you don’t touch her. Ever.” I dictate. “Those are my terms.”

His eyes become more focused again and I grip my dagger tighter as he steps toward me. It’s a timely visual reminder of how dangerous the man in front of me really is. “Kind of seems like you’re getting the better end of the deal here.” He drawls, arms crossed over his chest. I can’t help but let my eyes fall to his biceps, following the path of his veins all the way to his hands.

I try and swallow but my mouth has gone dry. “You’re the one who came to me.” I remind him. “If it’s important to you, you’ll agree.”

He rolls his eyes, muttering, “damn extortionist.”

“I’ll cross off that little favour you owe me as well, as a sign of good faith.” I smirk, flipping my dagger in my hand. It really is a shame I hadn’t drawn one of the ones with neurotoxin slathered over them—it would have been nice to take Xaden down a peg or two.

“I don’t recall owing you a favour.” He arches a brow, oblivious to my murderous thoughts.

“You probably wouldn’t.” I glare at him, my smirk dropping. “You were too busy flirting with my baby sister at the time.” I push myself up, sliding down from the rock I’ve been perched on, and get right up in his face, the way I did that first day before the parapet.

“I could have gone straight to my mother that day after your little meeting under the oak tree.” I tell him fiercely. “Thank your lucky stars that’s not who I am and take it or leave it, Riorson.” I snap.

A slow smile spreads across his face. “If you turn around and attack Liam or Bodhi, the deal’s off.” He negotiates.

“Just Liam and Bodhi?” I clarify, looking at him in question. My heart is pounding out of my chest as I stare up at him, his tawny skin gleaming in the sun’s rays.

“I don’t think I need to stipulate that you can’t attack me.” He grins and his shadows are all over me again, threatening to constrict my movement. He’s right, I haven’t got much hope of ever catching him off-guard again, so there’s not much chance of any attack I could muster against him, actually succeeding.

Except… “I wasn’t talking about you.” I smile sweetly. “But you have a deal.” Maybe he didn’t realise he could have asked us both to stay far away from every rebellion-marked cadet in the quadrant, in return for Violet’s safety alone and I—we—would have complied. No matter, the deal is now done as far as I’m concerned and the biggest threat to my sister’s life is eliminated—for good.

I collect my things, tossing my sketchbook and charcoals into my bag as I prepare to leave. I’m about to head up the grassy knoll toward the quadrant, blade re-sheathed in my corset when he speaks again.

“You’re a good sister.” He says, his voice soft in a way I don’t expect.

I turn to look at him over my shoulder, noting the way his face has softened, too.

“You’re a good brother.” I return quietly and then slowly make my way back up into the citadel.

💫      🐉       ⚔️      🔥      🖤

That evening, I’m leaving the gathering hall with Sage at my side and as we walk through the doors that lead out into the rotunda, I pause at the top of the stairs. I’d meant to catch Liam after dinner as I’d promised I would and work things out with him, but it seems he’s preoccupied already.

“Remi…” Sage begins hesitantly.

The blond is standing in the middle of the rotunda, his hands moving animatedly as he talks, smiling gently down at Violet. I swallow, watching with wary eyes as she smiles in return, her head tilted upward to speak with him. They’re like…twin suns. Like gentle, shimmering happiness, matching each other’s mood perfectly.

“Rem.” Sage says more firmly, her hand gripping my forearm tightly.

“I’m good.” I croak, but we both know it’s a lie. “I just um…I need to…” I hunt for an excuse. I hadn’t wanted to tell her about my encounter by the lake while we were at dinner, just in case anyone else overheard. She still doesn’t know I promised to speak with Liam tonight.

I take the first step down and then the second, heading toward our dorm, but as I look up toward the doors leading out into the courtyard my eyes meet gold-flecked onyx. Xaden is leaning against the wall, arms crossed over his chest, giving me a pointed look. My eyes trail from him, across to Liam and Violet and then back again. His expression doesn’t change. Bastard.

I turn to beg Sage for help and as I do, I see Bodhi exit the gathering hall, the Flame Section leader, Garrick, beside him. Seeing an opportunity, I stride toward him instead, coming to a stop in front of them. “Bodhi.” I greet him hesitantly, shifting uncomfortably on my feet. “Can we…talk?”

He seems surprised…and unimpressed. “Please?” I add, biting my lip. He deliberates for a moment, looking for all the world like he might tell me to fuck off.

“Ok.” He finally acquiesces, turning to his friend who is watching me carefully. “I’ll meet you later.” He says, waving him off. As Garrick nods, I turn to Sage who is already waving a hand at me.

“Yeah, sure.” She says, one shoulder lifting in a shrug. “But you’re explaining later.” She raises her eyebrows and I nod in agreement. “Executive officer.” She smiles at Bodhi sweetly over my shoulder, a threat in her voice and turns on her heel.

I’m nervous as I turn back to meet Bodhi’s eyes. They used to seem approachable to me—now they are anything but. “Can we go for a walk?” I tilt my head toward the doors. If I have to have this conversation, I don’t particularly want anyone else around for it.

He doesn’t answer, he simply follows me as I step toward the courtyard. I don’t look at Xaden as we pass, though I’m certain Bodhi is. He keeps pace with me as we move down toward the river, the Iakobos still flowing as swiftly as it was weeks ago with icy runoff from the mountains above.

“I just wanted to apologise.” I start, cringing internally. I hate apologising. Not because I think I’m never wrong—I’m wrong a lot—it just makes me supremely uncomfortable.

“For this morning?” Bodhi asks.

“No…yes.” I struggle. “I mean…yes, but also for before.” I take a deep breath. “I’m sure by now Xaden has told you that my sister and I overheard…” I don’t say anything further out loud, more than aware it’s a secret that shouldn’t be explicitly voiced. He nods, slowing as I do when we reach the same spot they’d stood at that night.

“I was hurt and after that I lashed out.” I don’t look at him. “I’m sorry.”

He’s silent for long enough I’m forced to peek upward to guess what he’s thinking. “Are you though?” He finally asks when he notices me looking. “Or did Xaden just put you up to this?”

My mouth falls open a little. Of course he told them beforehand. What a bastard. “I’m sorry I dragged it out this long.” I clarify, answering honestly. “I’m not sorry for being upset originally. I understand that being friends with me put you both in a difficult position, but you chose that, after I warned you not to.” I wrap my arms around myself tightly. “I’m grateful, but at the same time, that’s what made it hurt so much more.”

I breathe deeply, trying to remain in control of my emotions and explain it plainly to him. “I was…in a really bad place, then.” I chuckle self-deprecatingly. “Still am.” I look away. “I just…wanted someone to choose me. To take my side.”

“I’m not—I’m not a horrible person.” I tell him. “But my instinctual reaction when I hurt is to-to get mean.”

“I know that.” He interrupts. “I know you’re not a bad person.” He says gently. “But the last few weeks you’ve been…vicious.” When he looks at me now, it’s in question.

“I have to be.” My voice trembles. “It’s the only way I know how to survive.”

“You’re making more enemies than friends, Rem.” He shakes his head. “That’s not keeping you alive.” He doesn’t understand. Why would he?

“Survival isn’t all physical.” I say softly, watching the giant oak trees leaves move in the breeze.

He tenses and the next second his hand is on my cheek. It draws my attention back and I inhale sharply, my eyes darting upward to meet his. “What you said this morning, about not valuing your own life—you meant that?” It’s more of a statement than a question, really, but I answer it all the same.

“Life is hard.” I can’t bring myself to smile, to reassure him. “Death is easy.” I hate the way he looks at me then, like I’m something broken—like a glass he’s dropped and he’s wondering how on earth he’s going to pick up all the pieces again.

“Don’t.” I warn him, my jaw trembling beneath his hand. “I can’t—I don’t want to go over it again.”

“But you’ve talked about it with someone?” He clarifies, still looking concerned. I nod, my throat too tight to allow for words. “Ok.” He breathes, and suddenly his arms are around me and he’s hugging me so tight my lungs are starved for air.

“Next time, talk to me about it, instead of being a bitch.” I thump my fist into his arm, burying my annoyed face in his shoulder.

“Asshole.” I mutter, but I’m hugging him back, my arms curling around him tightly. I might have sniffled a little, blinking back tears while he couldn’t see my face. “I’m sorry.” I say again, leaning in. “I just didn’t know how to approach you guys after…”

“The first few days?” He says knowingly, pulling back.

I nod. “That day, when—” I struggle to form the words. “That day I snapped at you and then after, Xaden said—” I look down. “I was going to—I nearly—”

“Rem.” He grips my shoulders tightly. “Take a deep breath.” I take three, trying to focus my thoughts, to decide what I want to say—how much I want to share. But then, why should I hide anything? Bodhi’s my friend and I’m not embarrassed. It’s not a failing.

“After I snapped at you and Liam, I almost—” It’s like the words are stuck in my throat, they just won’t come out.

“Rem. It’s ok.” He says, “you don’t have to say it.”

“I wanted to rest.” Despite my best efforts, my eyes water. “And then when I pulled myself together, when I showed up for the first round of challenges, Xaden said I wasn’t worth anyone’s time.” Bodhi tenses, his eyes filling with anger. “And no one said anything.” I finish.

“Gods, Remi. I’m sorry.” The anger evaporates and suddenly he just looks defeated. “I was so angry at you that day, I didn’t understand—but Xaden was out of line, I should have said something.”

I shake my head, looking down again. “It’s…it’s fine.” I say, even though it’s not.

“It isn’t.” He argues. “And I know you don’t think it’s fine.”

I only shrug, looking away. “Bodhi…I don’t have a lot of time left here.” I say quietly. “Even if I manage to make it up the Gauntlet, I’m probably going to die at Threshing.” I admit. “It’s not ok, I still feel hurt and I’m not good at forgiveness. But it seems stupid to throw away what could be another month of friendship over something we can’t change.”

He looks like I’ve knocked the wind out of him, his eyes wide. “But you—you’ve been winning challenges. You’re training with Sage, still—you’re going to be fine.”

I shake my head. It’s nice to know Liam didn’t immediately spill all my secrets to his friends, but we’ve been here long enough—Bodhi should have some idea of my incapabilities by now. “I’m not going to be fine, Bodhi.” I look him in the eye. “I promised Sage I would try my hardest, but I can’t be anything more than what I am—and what I am is flawed.”

“Everyone’s flawed in some way.” He argues. “You just need to—”

“How am I making it up the ramp?” I ask him. It’s the easiest and yet simultaneously the hardest part of the five-switchback course we’re going to be thrown at shortly. “Look at me, Bodhi. Really look at me.” I smile gently. “I’m not strong enough to beat that course and that’s discounting the fact that I’m terrified.”

I shake my head as he goes to speak. “I’m not here to argue with you.” I tell him quietly. “I said I’d try and I will, I just want you to understand where I’m coming from; because I’m not going to change myself now that we’re friends again.” I lift my chin. “This is who I have to be to survive right now and I won’t apologise for it.”

My jaw ticks as I grit my teeth together and wait for him to decide if he’s ok with that. “Remi.” His voice is low, “I knew from the very first day you had a ruthless streak, that you could be mean, I just wasn’t prepared for it to be directed at me.”

It’s an offering, more than anything. I nod, slowly stepping closer to him again. “Ok.” I say quietly and when he wraps an arm over my shoulders, I lean into his side. “Ok.”

When we start to make our way back up the hill, he asks, “what did Xaden say to you, to get you to apologise?” His tone is curious more than anything else, but I can tell he’s still a little ticked off at his cousin.

“He didn’t tell you?” I ask, surprised.

“Just that you made a deal.” Bodhi says. “Not what he offered you.”

I smile a little. “Violet’s safety.” I tell him. “He won’t kill her—ever.” Bodhi’s eyebrows raise.

“And you just had to…?” He says, his tone leading.

“Hash things out with you and Liam.” I inform him. “And waive the favour he owed me for not ratting you out that night.”

“You wouldn’t.” Bodhi says immediately, his voice sure, and I grin.

“He doesn’t know that.” I smirk, unrepentant.

Bodhi snorts. “Yes, he does.” I’m not so sure. If he was certain I wouldn’t—that I wasn’t that type of person—there would be no reason for him to tell Liam not to be my friend, no reason for him to hate me.

“Well, whatever.” I shrug. “I just need to talk to Liam whenever…he’s free.” I grimace, “and that’s my part of the deal done and I’ll never have to talk to your cousin again.” I say hopefully.

“Bullshit.” Bodhi laughs. “First of all, he’s your wingleader.”

“Our.” I mutter, glaring at him reproachfully.

“Second,” he continues like I hadn’t even spoken, “you’ve been flirting with him since you saw him.” He looks at me judgementally. That is…true. Technically.

“Yeah, well. That was before he showed me how much of an asshole he truly is.” I murmur bitterly and watch Bodhi wince. “And after that he started flirting with my sister.” I tell him. Bodhi opens his mouth to respond, but the irritation has already begun to build. “And then, today, he was all—touchy feely!” I throw my arms up, gesturing with my hand. “Like, what the fuck, you know?”

“Sure.” He agrees, his lip shaking like he’s trying not to laugh. “Absolutely.” He turns his face away. “But uh…just for clarity’s sake, what do you mean by ‘touchy feely’?”

I glare at him. “I mean, he had his hands on me.” I force out. “On my throat, in my hair.” I fold my arms over my chest and when Bodhi finally gives in to the laughter forcing its way out of his mouth, I shove him in the side, glaring petulantly.

“Oh, Remi.” He sighs, shaking his head with a grin. “I’ve missed the entertainment you bring with you.”

“It’s not funny!” I protest. “He had his hand on my throat, Bodhi.” It was provocative.

“So you don’t want to climb him like a tree anymore?”

I gasp, indignantly. “I never said I did in the first place!” I probably hadn’t needed to, to be fair.

“Uh huh.” He nods, before mercifully changing the subject. “So why me first and not Liam?”

I wrinkle my nose. “How um…how long have Liam and Violet been speaking?” I ask, avoiding his question.

He looks at me curiously. “I didn’t know they knew each other.” He says and it seems honest enough that I take him at his word.

“He was flirting with her. In the rotunda, earlier.” I admit, avoiding his gaze.

“And that bothers you?”

I let out an involuntary sound of aggravation. “No. I just…didn’t want to interrupt.”

“You’re a shit liar, Remi.” He’s right, I am, but I’m hardly about to admit to all my insecurities surrounding my sister. I’m sure they’re written on my face anyway, no need to voice them.

“I’ll talk to Liam tomorrow.” I promise, and then something occurs to me. “Hey, maybe you can—”

“No.” He says immediately, before I can even finish my sentence. “Absolutely not.”

“Bodhi….” I draw out his name, plastering a pleading look on my face.

He laughs, shaking his head. “That look does not suit you.” I scowl, rolling my eyes.

“Fine.” I shrug, “I’ll figure something out.” I’m a master strategist. Surely I can figure out how to apologise to one more person while still avoiding my sister and the giant, sister-shaped question mark that I’ve mentally slapped on his forehead. What could possibly go wrong?

Chapter Text

💫      🐉      ⚔️     🔥     🖤

“Now be a good girl and—”

I shoot up with a gasp, panting softly in the chill of the morning air, sweat coating my skin underneath my sleepwear and that damned corset. I press my thighs together, groaning quietly. Everyone around me is still sleeping and I slump back onto my pillow, covering my face with my hands.

That was a remix of yesterday’s events I really didn’t need. I refuse to lust after that toxic asshole ever again, no matter what he could potentially do with his signet power. Now if only my brain could get with the program.

I sigh frustratedly, throwing my legs over the side of the bed, and start to gather my things. I may as well head to the bathing chambers early—lying here thinking about Xaden fucking Riorson’s hands on me isn’t going to do me any favours.

An incredibly cold dip later, my arousal is completely extinguished and I’m trudging back to my bed, clad in my fighting leathers, to pick up my rucksack with the rest of my supplies. I have a few classes this morning and then in the afternoon, we’re in the gym. It’s challenge day, so my hair is braided up into a crown atop my head the way Mira taught us, before we left. I can’t believe it’s only been a few months, it seems so long ago.

Violet is beginning to wake in the bed next to mine and I watch her for a moment, feeling slightly sad. It seems a shame I can patch things up so easily with Bodhi and not with my sister. Maybe it’s because there’s too much between her and I. Too much that’s already happened over the course of our lifetime.

Frowning, I sling my rucksack over my shoulders and head out toward the rotunda. I’ve barely taken a step out of the dorms, when I come face to face with the blond hair and blue eyes of Liam Mairi. I hesitate, taking a step back uncertainly. “Do you want me to—” Before the words ‘go and get Violet’ can leave my mouth, he’s striding forward and scooping me up into his arms. I swallow hard, tears burning my eyes as he squeezes me tight.

“Bodhi talked to me.” He says, his voice strained and I squeeze my eyes shut, burying my face in his neck. I must make some kind of sound because his chin touches my hair and he says quietly, “don’t cry.”

My fingertips dig into his arms. “I’m not crying.” I croak out.

“You are.” He says with certainty and I sniffle a little.

“Fine.” I pull back, “maybe I am.” I meet his eyes for the first time in weeks. “I uh—I’m sorry.” I apologise. “For not talking to you sooner.”

He shakes his head vehemently. “You don’t need to apologise.” He’s so damn selfless.

“Yes, I do.” I insist. “You helped me, when you didn’t have to.” I wipe my eyes. “I just—” I look down, unable to continue. I don’t know why this is so much harder with Liam, than with Bodhi. Maybe it’s because he was my first proper friend here. Maybe it’s because he’s such a ball of sunshine, but it’s just harder to tell him that he hurt me.

“I know.” He says quietly. “And I’m sorry, too.” He grips my hand gently. “I knew you were having a hard time. I should have stood up for you.” I shake my head.

“It hurt.” I say softly. “It still hurts,” I hate the wounded expression that crosses his face, “but I just want to forget it, now.” I look at him pleadingly. “Can we? Please?”

“Of course.” He says softly, and then we’re hugging once more. “I would have come to you sooner, but I didn’t think you wanted anything to do with us.” I hadn’t, at the time, though now he’s holding me it seems almost unfathomable. Gods, touch really is one of my love languages—and this place has been bleeding me dry.

When he pulls away again, it’s only to look down at me. His hands are still on my arms, holding my elbows. “I need you to understand I’m not the same person I was three weeks ago.” I tell him. “And in three weeks I won’t be the same person I am now. I-I can’t survive this place if—” He cuts me off.

“I know.”

I look up at him hesitantly. I can’t understand how he’s ok with that. He’s so…nice. And I’m past the point where I can be nice. Maybe not even to people I call friends. Not always, anyway. I move to say that, to explain, but before I can I hear a soft, “oh,” from behind me. I close my eyes.

I steady myself before turning around to face her. “Hey, Vi.” I say softly. I try to smile, but I can’t, it just comes out as a grimace. “I’m going to…I’ll see you.” I finish, pulling away from Liam so I can beat a hasty retreat. I’m halfway across the rotunda when I feel something brush my hair and I reach up to swat at it irritably, thinking its a bug.

That thought is disproven as I climb the stairs to the gathering hall and he-who-we-aren’t-thinking-about falls into step with me. “That looked like a mediocre job to me.” His shadows skitter back to him.

I glare, my lip curling up in anger. “Mind your damn business. I did what you asked.” I stomp towards the table Sage and I have been sharing. Breakfast isn’t being served yet—it’s still too early for that—but I had intended to get my charcoals out while I wait for her.

“Technically, I asked you to do it yesterday.”

I throw my things down, swinging myself onto the seat and my eye twitches as he sits across from me. “Technically, I started yesterday with Bodhi and by the time we got back up here, Liam was gone.” I shrug. “You’re not suggesting I should have crawled into his bed, are you, wingleader?” I smirk wickedly. If he hadn’t even wanted me to be friends with Liam, the idea of anything more would have him furious. Sure enough, his eyes narrow and he taps the table with his fingertip.

“And what kept you so long with my cousin?” He asks, challengingly. Oh, this kind of verbal sparring I can handle.

“I hate to break it to you, Riorson, but if girls aren’t spending at least that much time with you, you’re doing it wrong.”

A slow smile spreads across his face and I feel like a lamb, sitting across from a wolf. “Can’t say I’ve had any complaints.” He says, his voice low.

I bet he hasn’t with a body like that. “Regardless, it’s none of your business what I do in the dark—with anybody.” I lift my chin. I still have my pride, what he doesn’t know, won’t—quickly, I let my feet sink into the plush floor of my box, holding his stare as I imagine the walls thickening, sharp spikes extending outward in defence.

I’m yet to see any evidence confirming it, and I still don’t now, but I’m half convinced he’s been reading my mind. It started as a niggling thought, but it has since refused to leave me alone and with all my free time I’ve been working hard on refining my little cube, making sure my mind is as impenetrable as I can make it—whether to dragons or other people. It shouldn’t be possible of course, he already has a signet power, but my instincts are telling me to watch myself and I’m going to heed them.

He tilts his head, studying me carefully. “Where did you go just now?” I’m about to open my mouth and repeat myself, because truly, it is none of his business, but I’m halted by the door opening. I watch as Violet walks in, followed by Liam, and behind him, Dain. My lips twitch and I have to slap a hand over my mouth to stop the laughter from escaping.

“Shit.” I choke, before biting my tongue so hard it hurts. Xaden turns to peer over his shoulder and when he looks back at me, I see my amusement reflected in his eyes. Violet looks supremely uncomfortable and I stifle another laugh as Dain takes her arm, pulling her to a stop. He looks up with a scowl on his face, saying something to Liam, who hovers behind her and I stand immediately, frowning.

I don’t know what he said, but I do know Dain, and Liam has a rebellion relic on his arm. Xaden tenses across from me, though he doesn’t turn, nor make any move to get up himself. I watch warily as Violet pulls her arm out of Dain’s grip, her face exasperated. He reaches out for her again and I shove myself away from the table, moving towards them.

“Hi, Dan.” I smile sweetly once I’m in striking distance. “I’m going to have to ask you to remove your hands from my sister.”

“Back off, Remi.” Surprisingly, it comes from him and not Violet.

“Dain,” she interrupts, her voice soothing. I’m surprised to recognise the tone—it’s false comfort. It’s the voice she uses with me when she thinks I’m five seconds from losing my temper and obliterating everything in my path. “I’ll talk to you later.” She offers and it only makes me more irritated. Why is she offering him a compromise when he should just respect her and leave her the hell alone? She clearly doesn’t want him touching her right now.

He remains where he is, so I take another step. “I asked nicely. Don’t make me gut you.” My hand is at my thigh, fingers wrapped around my dagger and I see his eyes fall to it, sharpening with annoyance. He lets go, his attention turned towards me now, just as I intended. That’s it, I think. Come closer.

I take a step back, just enough to pull him away from my sister—so she’s out of his reach—and as he moves to strike me, he freezes. I notice him looking over my shoulder, right as I feel the heat of another body stepping up behind me.

“I’d heed the warning if I were you, Dan.” My lips twitch. He’s so close it’s like my body is screaming at me. To move away, or back into him, I don’t know. Violet is looking at me with an expression I don’t like, but I’m not sure I really care about that right now. If she feels betrayed, well that’s just ironic. Besides, it’s not like Xaden is defending me—it’s simple math; the enemy of my enemy and all that.

I can see Dain’s frustration rise, but it’s not Xaden he’s looking at when he replies, it’s me. “One day, you’re going to get what’s coming to you.”

Violet gapes and I can feel Xaden shift infinitesimally closer at my back. “Probably.” I agree, letting a grin stretch across my lips. “But it sure as shit won’t be you dishing it out.” I lift my chin. Dain talking crap isn’t exactly new to me, so I’m unconcerned by his threats.

“I wouldn’t be too sure about that.” He murmurs and I roll my eyes.

“Oh, get in line!”

We’re interrupted by the door being tossed open once more and I’m not sure who looks more surprised. Frozen in the doorway, Sage stops short, her eyes wide. Rhiannon is next to her, her own gaze roving across us all—me, with Xaden at my back and Violet, with Liam at hers, Dain posturing aggressively in between us.

“It’s not what it looks like.” I joke, meeting Sage’s eye.

“It’s exactly what it looks like.” Liam mutters.

“Dan was just leaving before he ends up disemboweled.” I explain pleasantly, raising an eyebrow in challenge. He’s fuming, but he knows he’s outnumbered, so he turns and strides through the doors, Rhiannon and Sage quickly jumping out of his way.

I turn back to my sister, who looks heartbroken over the idiot, but just as I’m about to open my mouth the door flies toward us again and Bodhi walks in, stopping short as he takes us in. His eyes fall on me—and Xaden behind me—and a shit-eating grin spreads across his face.

“No, no, no.” I hold up a single finger. “Say one word and I’ll—”

“Gut you.” Liam and Violet chorus. My lips fall into a pout and I frown. I’m not that predictable…am I?

“That’s not what I was going to say.” I bluff. “And what is wrong with all of you? Why are you all up before the whole quadrant?” I attempt to divert their attention. It’s true, the entire gathering hall is empty aside from us, everyone else clearly still asleep in their beds.

“Why did you get up so early?” Bodhi counters and I can feel my cheeks turning red.

“I just woke up early.” I attempt to sound casual, but my face is burning up and I’m sure I look like a tomato.

“Woke up…alone?” Bodhi teases and I narrow my eyes.

“Yes.” I reply honestly. “The real question here is, why did Sage and Rhiannon walk in together?” I throw my friend to the wolves with aplomb. Sage gapes.

“Hold on,” She protests, gesturing between all of us. “I’m not the only one seeing this, right?” She looks over at Rhiannon and Bodhi. “I really don’t think I’m the one who should be in question, here.”

“We just met up on our way through the rotunda.” Rhiannon adds, looking at me oddly.

My brain ticks over slowly. “Through the rotunda…not our dorm.” I point out, grinning wickedly. “So one of you at least wasn’t in our dorm.”

Rhiannon grins proudly. “I might have spent the night with Tara again.” She admits and I grin back.

“That good, huh?” She nods. “Good for you.” Wish I was getting some.

Bodhi clears his throat. “That still doesn’t explain—”

“Dain.” I cut him off. “That’s it. That’s the explanation.” His name alone is a full sentence. Xaden chuckles behind me and I suddenly realise he’s still at my back, what feels like barely an inch of space separating us. I feel goosebumps break out along my arms and have to mentally steel myself against him, hating my body’s response to his continued closeness.

“That’s…fair.” Bodhi finally says, his eyes pointed over my shoulder.

Violet goes to say something but Liam gently reminds her she’s late for her duty assignment and her mouth snaps shut. Her face turns down in a frown, but she goes anyway, nodding to him in thanks. I don’t expect her to thank me, she’d much rather I let her handle Dain on her own. Unfortunately, Vi’s interpretation of ‘handling Dain’ is ‘allowing Dain to manhandle her’, and I won’t stand by and watch that happen in my presence.

“Alright.” I clap my hands together. “That’s enough weird wing-bonding for one morning.” I take a step forward, physically separating myself from Xaden’s looming figure. I turn and head back to my table without giving any of them a second glance.

Sage falls into step beside me. “I’m so confused.” She comments and I shake my head in despair.

“I know.” I groan. “I meant to find you last night but then it was late.” I retake my seat. “Then I was going to wait for you here and explain but then…” I look over her shoulder pointedly. Xaden is talking quietly with Bodhi by the door and Sage understands immediately.

“Later.” She confirms.

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I sit through a lecture in Dragonkind with Professor Kaori, Liam at my side for the first time in weeks. I’m paying attention for once and actually taking notes because I missed his initial talk about each of the dragons available for bonding this year. It was the day I spent curled up on the floor behind Winifred’s desk. On the off chance I actually make it up the Gauntlet, I’m going to need to know this stuff.

—Green dragons

—Known for their keen intellect

—Descended from the honourable Uaineloidsig line

—The most rational of Dragonkind

—Perfect siege weapons, especially in the case of clubtails

—To approach, avert your eyes in supplication and wait for their approval

My notes aren’t perfect, but they’re something at least. Sage sits on my other side, not taking notes. I know she’ll want to copy mine later. We’d managed to catch up in the commons after breakfast this morning so I could fill her in on yesterday’s—and this morning’s—events.

She was indignant on my behalf at first, but I can tell she’s happy to have Liam back as a friend. I should tell her how much I appreciate her sticking by me when this whole thing kicked off—Liam was her friend too and she’d iced him out on my behalf without question. That’s a kind of loyalty that doesn’t come around to people like me. Violet, sure. But me? Never.

As class winds down and we head toward the gathering hall for lunch, Liam stops me. “Remi,” he says quietly, pulling me off to the side. “Are we…ok?” I nod, looking at him with confusion.

“Yeah. I said as much this morning, didn’t I?”

He looks hesitant for the first time since we met. “But then Vi came out and you…”

I shift uncomfortably, not meeting his eye. “Violet and I aren’t on good terms right now.” I tell him, looking away. “I’m not—you can be friends with her.” I blurt out. “Obviously.” I bite my lip. “It doesn’t mean I have to stick around though, when you’re with her.”

I wasn’t going to tell him that it hurt just to look at them together. To wonder whether he preferred her over me, like everyone else. “Rem, you forgave us. You could—”

I cut him off with a wave of my hand. “No, Liam.” I grit my teeth. “It’s not the same.” He opens his mouth like he might protest again and I force out, “if you press me on this, consider your forgiveness rescinded.”

He tries to cover up his hurt at that but his eyes tell more than he’d probably like. I feel like a bitch, but I won’t take it back. I don’t owe him anything, certainly not a relationship with my twin.

“Ok.” He agrees quietly. “But Rem, she does care.” He says softly. “You should know that.” I want to argue with him. I want to scream and cry and hit him for even bringing it up in the first place, but I don’t. I simply nod, and continue on my way.

Lunch passes us by quickly and soon enough I’m in the gym, tightening the laces on my boots as I prepare for my fourth challenge. We only have one more after this before we pause these sessions to focus on the Gauntlet. Two fights and then I get a reprieve.

My gloves are on and I have two, tiny, almost-invisible needles in my grip, coated in a potent neurotoxin. Some of my daggers are coated in venom and I leave them tucked into my corset, the sheathes hiding the stain of it from wandering eyes.

Currently, Sage is fighting a redhead on the mat in front of me, but my eyes are across the room where Violet is getting the snot kicked out of her by another girl. She’s incredibly fast and the kicks she lands to my sister’s abdomen look painful. I know Violet’s survived thus far, but I still can’t help worrying. This is why I shouldn’t watch her—shouldn’t concentrate on her. I need to worry about my own fights, not what my sister is doing.

I turn back to our mat just in time for Augustus to call the match in Sage’s favour. She swipes the other cadet’s short sword with a grin, practically skipping toward us. “Nice work.” I tell her quietly, keeping my eyes straight ahead.

It’s incredibly settling to have Liam’s steady presence at my side once more, Bodhi next to him, watching the bouts intently. “She’s won.” Sage tells me quietly and I nod in thanks. I can’t look, but that doesn’t mean I don’t care.

“Remi Sorrengail.” Augustus calls, just as Xaden wanders over toward our mat. “And…” Augustus looks surprised, his eyes flicking up quickly. “Imogen?” The pink-haired girl is sitting across the mat from us and she leaps up, surprise and elation on her face.

“I thought I said—” Xaden speaks up, but Imogen cuts him off with a shake of her head.

“I didn’t.” She protests.

Bodhi’s brow furrows, next to them. “So what? This was just a coincidence…” He trails off as soon as the last syllable leaves his lips, his eyes flying over to meet mine. I meet his stare defiantly.

“Shall we?” I say to Imogen, nodding toward the mat. She smirks darkly, practically jumping forward. I can’t help but look over at Xaden, a tiny grin pulling at the edge of my mouth. I put in my request to challenge Imogen a week ago, before I made up with Liam and Bodhi.

I’d been passing by her and Vi’s squad in the commons and had overheard her bothering Violet once more, saying she probably wouldn’t make it up the Gauntlet. It hit a little too close to home and I snapped, immediately requesting her as my opponent for the week. It seemed some of the professors thought it might be entertaining too because they allowed it.

I’m aware Bodhi, Xaden and probably everyone else here thinks she’ll kill me, but there’s a certain power in being the one to challenge someone else. I’ve been waiting for this moment—for revenge—for so long. I’ve been watching how she fights and planning my offence meticulously. Now the opportunity is here; I won’t let it slip away. I step onto the mat, cracking my neck and then my spine. I palm the needles against my knuckles as I normally do and look up with a smile. “Ready when you are,” I say sweetly, letting her make the first move.

“Your mother murdered my family.” She says darkly. “I made your sister pay and now I’m going to do the same to you.” I raise my eyebrows, my gaze flitting toward Xaden for a fraction of a second. He looks tense, his arms crossed over his chest as he watches us.

“Firstly,” I snip back, “it was General Melgren who ordered that—you should know, you were there.” She’s practically spitting fire as I rub salt in the wound. It’s a pretty horrible thing to do, but then, she’s pretty horrible herself.

“Secondly, let me make one thing clear to you, pinkie.” I say irreverently. “I don’t give a fuck what my mother did or didn’t do to you, or your family. I wasn’t there, I wasn’t involved and I don’t deserve to suffer because of it.” I glare at her. “If you want to come after me, fine. But just know, it makes you just as bad as she is.”

Imogen tenses and then she’s flying forward, so quick I almost can’t avoid her. I roll to the floor, coming back up to stars in my vision and throw myself backward, hoping to avoid her fist. It glances off my hip and I cringe, moving swiftly to evade her once more. I’ve won my last three challenges, but I’ve also needed mending after each of them and I’m trying to avoid that this time. Nolon is getting…agitated with me.

“Don’t ever compare me to her! To you!” Imogen throws a series of fast punches at me and I have to dodge rapidly to avoid them. I pull back for a moment, assessing her. She’s fast and powerful, but she’s angry and reckless and that won’t serve her well against an opponent like me. I’m content to dodge her for half an hour if that’s what it takes to tire her out.

“To me?” I laugh. “You don’t even know me.” I retort, ducking out of the way of her fist. “If you want to treat me like a Sorrengail before everything else then so be it, but be careful what you fucking wish for.” I hiss, moving lightly on my feet. “You might not like what happens.”

She reaches out, her hand catching my wrist in her grip and with one, swift movement, it’s snapped in half. White hot agony shoots through me and I snarl, cradling it to my chest as I move to lash back at her. I don’t manage to land even a glancing blow and I drop back into defence mode, dodging as I wait patiently for her to wear down.

A few minutes later, I’m still evading her—this time a swift kick aimed at my belly—when she becomes unbalanced, her body trembling slightly as she drops her leg back down into her stance. I take the opening and land a punch to her throat, sending her stumbling backward. She coughs and splutters, clutching at her neck and I know she’s having trouble breathing. She’s about to have trouble doing anything.

I watch as she recovers just slightly, prepared to defend myself further as the toxin kicks in. It’s probably spreading at a rapid rate through her body given that it was her throat I punctured with the needle. Sure enough, after only a minute she begins slowing, her agility and easy reaction times non-existent. It’s only fair that I level the playing field, right?

I leap backward, unsheathing one of my daggers, and before she can do anything, I’ve thrown it forward and its buried in her rotator cuff. She yells out in pain, yanking the blade free, but the damage is already done and she’s slowing even further.

“Fuck you!” She spits, tossing the dagger directly at my head. I duck, hoping whoever’s in range behind us is paying attention to our fight and not looking the other way.

“You came after us, first.” I remind her, not backing down. “Maybe next time you’ll think twice before messing with my family.” She growls, climbing to her feet.

“Maybe after I take care of you, I’ll put your damn sister out of her misery.” She replies, and I see red. I dart forward, letting instinct guide me as I aim a punch at her heart. She blocks and I dodge to the side, my elbow flying up to smack her in the face. She goes to respond but can’t lift her arm, the appendage hanging limp from the shoulder, down. Guess we’re truly even now.

“What did you do?” She asks, and I’m on her. I manage to force her to the floor, the neurotoxin doing half the work for me as I shove my knee into her back. The other pins her working arm as I reach for her injured one and pull it back viciously, cranking it further and further behind her head, just as she did to Violet.

I lean down close enough so she can hear me at a whisper. “Think twice before messing with my family again.” I murmur darkly. And then louder, I add, “you’re going to apologise to my sister.”

Her face, contorted in pain, begins to turn an ugly shade of purple. “That’s never going to happen.”

I shrug, pushing forward, and watch dispassionately as her shoulder dislocates and then tears, the same way she had done to my twin. She looks back at me, her pale green eyes filled with pained tears and my mouth twists up in a vicious snarl. “You’re going to apologise.” I insist. “And then you’re never going to bother her again.” I order.

“Or what?” Her voice breaks. “You’ve already done to me, what I did to her.”

I smirk dangerously. “Well, like you said—I’m nothing like you.” My voice drops to a whisper. “I’m so. Much. Worse.” I press down on her glenohumeral joint and she screams in pain.

“Yield, Imogen.” Bodhi calls and I can’t tell if he’s angry with me. I don’t have the capacity to worry about it right now, so I just shove it to the side.

“Apologise.” I say quietly, “and I’ll let you keep the arm.”

She gasps and I let her go, stepping back as she rolls over, trying to climb to her feet. She stumbles, and then falls, landing on her front as one leg gives out. I circle her, my arms crossed over my chest as I look down at her.

“The dagger you pulled out of your shoulder was dipped in venom,” I tell her sweetly. “If you don’t forfeit this match and get help immediately, you will lose that arm.” I’m not bluffing. The venom I used eats away at the muscle and potentially beyond. It’s not exactly above board to use here, but when has that stopped me?

“Imogen.” Xaden says quietly and she looks up, meeting his eye. I huff at the look they share, rolling mine. Ew.

“I’m not yielding to a Sorrengail.” She says quietly—painfully—and my mouth turns down.

“I should also mention you’ve been dosed with a dangerous neurotoxin. You’re probably going to die soon enough without seeing a healer.” I shrug.

“Remi.” Bodhi pleads, his voice quiet. I sigh and there’s a tick in my jaw as I look up at him. I don’t want to kill her, not truly, but I don’t want to budge on this either.

“So much for ‘Imogen will kill you’, huh, Bodh.” I smile viciously.

“Rem.” I turn only at the sound of Violet’s voice. She’s cradling her ribs and I can tell from the outward display of pain that they must be broken. Our pain tolerance is too high to otherwise show that kind of weakness. It’s her eyes that really floor me though—she looks horrified. “Rem, don’t do this on my behalf.” She pleads. “I don’t want it.”

I stiffen, my spine straightening out. “And if I do?”

My sister shakes her head. “You don’t.” She doesn’t know me at all.

I chuckle, shaking my head. “The bar is really fucking low here, guys.” I look from her, back to Bodhi and finally to Xaden at his side. “I asked for a fucking apology and for her to stop treating us like shit. It’s really not that hard.”

I swallow and when I look down at Imogen I’m blinking back tears. This is so fucked up. Why are they defending her? “If she can’t see past my last name, if she’s willing to die because of that, it’s not on me.” My hand shakes where I’m gripping a new dagger, viscous black venom shining on the blade.

“Imogen.” Xaden says quietly, but the pink-haired girl shakes her head, refusing to look up at him. She’s struggling to her feet so Augustus won’t call the match, but we all know I’ve gotten the best of her. I could kill her at any time—could have already done so. Bodhi stares at me pleadingly, his face awash with anxiety.

I turn to Xaden, then. “Ready to reinstate that favour?” My face is a cool mask of indifference. I’ve already realised I need to bend, lest I lose everyone in my life all over again, but that doesn’t mean I can’t get something out of it.

His dark stare almost looks through me, rather than at me. He deliberates for a moment, his eyes moving from me, down to Imogen and back again. “Fine.” He says, his voice low and I just know Imogen’s going to wish she took the easy way out and yielded to me. He’s furious.

I turn to Augustus, saying simply, “I yield.” It’s not really a loss and everyone here knows it. Imogen doesn’t bother protesting as I re-sheathe all my blades and step off the mat, keeping every single one. I stride over to my rucksack, pulling out two unlabelled vials. I might have finally disclosed that I’ve been using poisons—to the few people present anyway— but that doesn’t mean I have to share which ones.

I don’t bother walking toward Imogen—this doesn’t belong to her anyway. I slap the vials down in Xaden’s palm, saying, “anti-venom, antidote.” My voice drops to a whisper and this time it’s me who’s smiling like a wolf with a lamb in their paws. “Pleasure doing business with you.” I wink, and with that I spin on my heel, picking up my rucksack and striding from the gym. Nolon really is going to kill me.

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That night I don’t bother going back to the dorms. My wrist is immobilised by a splint—Nolon having lectured me for half an hour as I expected—and the bone-shattering fatigue has kicked in full force. On the nights it’s this bad, Win and Nolon let me stay in the infirmary, because they know I’ll be unable to defend myself if I’m attacked in my sleep.

Still, I leave the corset Mira gave me on, as I promised her. With only that, my underwear and the splint on, I have to pile four blankets on top of me just to stay warm. I don’t thermoregulate like other people and even when I’m not injured, nights in the dormitory have been a struggle to say the least.

I’m drifting in and out of consciousness when I feel something brush my cheek and I shiver, shooting up as my hand slides toward the dagger I left sheathed at my ribs. “Hey.” It’s Bodhi who’s hovering over me and I tense, watching him warily.

He sighs, pressing his lips together. “Are you ok?” He asks tightly. “Why are you still here?” I can’t tell in the low light whether he’s angry.

“I’m fine.” I reply softly. “Just tired.” It’s a misnomer. I’m not just tired—this kind of bone deep weariness isn’t something relieved by sleep. I don’t suppose he believes me anyway. “It’s the price I pay for hard work.”

He frowns. “Always?”

“A lot.” I pull the blankets back up to my chin, wincing at the strain it puts on my newly-mended wrist. “Were you…” Here visiting Imogen? She’s a few beds down from me and hopefully unaware that I’m even here still.

“I came to find you.” He shrugs and I watch him warily, remaining silent. “And that’s why.” He continues, smiling a little sardonically.

“Why?” I frown, confused as to what he means.

“I felt like…after before…I want you to know we’re still friends. Even if you almost took my other friend’s arm off—almost killed her.” His eyes narrow into a hard stare.

I exhale sharply and feel almost petulant as I look away, refusing to meet his eyes. “Why are you even friends with her?” I ask. “She’s so—”

“Mean?” His tone is humorous, like he thinks it’s some kind of funny joke—like it’s irony.

“Bigoted.” I clap back. Because she is, really. It’s not just Violet and I she doesn’t like, though we take the lion’s share of her hatred. She doesn’t like anyone without a rebellion mark. If you’re a regular citizen of Navarre, she looks at you like you’ve committed some crime beyond your knowing. It’s understandable, but it’s wrong.

“She’s not that bad once you get to know her.” He says softly, before quickly amending, “if your last name isn’t Sorrengail.” I shake my head, rolling onto my side, facing away from him. I’ve been the bigger person once today—once is enough.

“Rem.” He says softly. “I don’t want you to think—” I wave my hand at him. I don’t want to hear it, really. Once again, no one took my side, not even my sister and I’m the bad guy—what else is new.

“I’m really tired, Bodhi.” I say quietly. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

He doesn’t say anything but I can feel him lingering.

“I don’t want to walk away.” He says, keeping his voice low. “The last time we left things like this you…” I close my eyes, wishing I’d never said anything.

A minute passes, then another.

“I was never going to kill her.” I murmur. “Not once I saw your face.” I shrug my shoulder. “I just took the opportunity to minimise my losses by getting a favour out of Xaden.”

“And before I begged you?”

I swallow hard. “I deserve better than the hand I’ve been dealt here. If I have to fight and claw my way to respect and common decency, then I will. And marked or not, if anyone else treats me that way again, I’m going to make them wish they were never born.”

I’m grateful to be facing the opposite direction so I don’t have to see his reaction; to see how that makes him feel. I startle when I feel his hand touch my shoulder.

“You’ll need to be alive to do that.” He comments dryly and all at once I feel the tension rush out of me. “Tomorrow night, we’re working on the Gauntlet.” He orders. “And I hope you bring some of that fire with you.”

💫      🐉      ⚔️      🔥      🖤

The next day after our classes, Sage and I are studying in the commons together. I’m still trying to get a ton of knowledge from Professor Kaori’s dragonkind lectures memorised, just in case I make it to Threshing. I’m still exhausted, all my limbs are sore and my wrist is still immobilised in a splint, but I do my best to focus.

It became apparent to me the minute we walked into the Gathering Hall this morning, that news of my fight with Imogen had spread overnight. Every marked cadet I passed, looked at me with disdain. Bodhi’s right—I’ve been making more enemies than friends. Somehow, I can’t bring myself to care.

“So the orange dragons…?”

“Descend from the Fhaicorain line.” Sage replies, her head down.

“And are the most unpredictable, so they’re always a risk.” I nod, underlining that in my notes.

“Do you have a preference?” She asks me curiously. “Like if you got to choose.”

I shrug. I haven’t really thought about it. I never thought it would matter. I know better than to say that to Sage though. She’s still watching me, waiting for a response so I finally say, “the blue ones are pretty.” She gives me a look. “What?” I shake my head, plastering an innocent look on my face.

Ok, so maybe I’m slightly obsessed with one particular dragon. It’s not my fault she’s stunning. I’ve drawn Sgaeyl three times now; she’s quickly become a focal point in my sketchbook considering I still can’t seem to get Brennan’s eyes right. I wish I could see her one more time, just to get a closer look at her features.

“You’re the worst.” She says, her tone knowing. I am. Once I become fixated, I just can’t seem to let things go and unfortunately for me, it’s not just Sgaeyl I’m fixated on. I’m a complete idiot. “Are we going to train tonight?” She continues, nonchalant, “or are you too tired?”

I shake my head, holding up my wrist. “Don’t ask me how we’ll get anything done with this, but I’ve been told by our section’s executive officer we’re working on the other thing tonight.” Sage’s eyebrows raise. I don’t have to specify what other thing. The Gauntlet’s been our most pressing topic of conversation all week.

“He’s helping?” She says skeptically.

I shrug. “Apparently.” I don’t really understand it either. The last thing he needs is to get caught helping us get ahead. The gauntlet is off-limits to first-years until we start training runs on it in another week or so.

Personally, I think Bodhi just feels guilty. He shouldn’t—we were more acquaintances than friends before, really, but in any case, I’m grateful he cares enough to try. “I assume Liam’s coming too.” I tell her, trying to sound casual. Liam’s been around of course, he sat with us in history class today, but at meal times he’s been sitting with my sister.

If it wasn’t for me, I’m sure half of Fourth Wing’s first-years would be sitting together, but the line I’ve drawn in the sand between Violet and I, especially after yesterday, has prevented that thus far. Sighing, I give up on any further study, shelving the idea for later—I can’t focus anyway.

“Hey, Win said something interesting to me before I left this morning.” I tell Sage conspiratorially, before dropping my voice to a low whisper. “She suggested I could wear my hair in a hanging braid and thread poison barbs through it—so if anyone tried to grab it, they’d face some serious consequences.” I wiggle my eyebrows, a sly smirk spreading across my face.

“…she’s meant to be a healer.” Sage protests, a laugh escaping her lips.

“Yeah.” I nod in agreement. “And she’s sick of healing me.” My mouth stretches up into a grin.

“Well, thanks for the warning, I guess?” She snickers. “And if it does work, I’m growing my hair out.” I smile back at her. Sage’s curls would look stunning if she could afford to grow them out.

“Do you get your hair from anyone in your family?” I ask curiously. Sage and I have been friends for a while now, but it’s only now I realise I’ve never asked her about her home life.

She smiles a little, looking down. “My mother had hair like mine and so did my brother.” She shrugs. “They…both passed a while ago.”

I flinch, reaching a hand out toward her. “Oh Sage, I’m so sorry.” My mouth turns down into a frown. “I’m so selfish I never even thought to ask.”

She shrugs, lifting one shoulder slightly and dropping it back down. “It’s ok, Rem. I don’t…I don’t like talking about them that much anyway.” I nod in sympathy—I don’t love talking about Brennan, either.

“My mum died when I was ten and my brother was a rider, so I was mostly raised by our old neighbours.” She smiles a little. “They’re good people; Asha and Garrett, but it’s obviously not the same.” She looks back down at the table. “My brother…he died almost six years ago. In the conflict.”

“Oh.” I don’t really know what to say. There’s nothing I can say, really. I know from experience nothing will make it better.

“Anyway. I just…want to make him proud, you know?” She smiles a little bigger.

“I do.”

We share a commiserating glance.

I do.

Chapter Text

💫      🐉     ⚔️      🔥     🖤

My breathing quickens as I stare down at the ground below me. It’s so far and I’m only on the stairs—I’m not even on the giant deathtrap of an obstacle course looming beside us.

“Remi.” Sage says quietly. “Get out of your head.”

I can’t. I can’t get out of my head. All I can think about is how much it’s going to hurt when I hit the ground and I can’t breathe.

“Remi!” She repeats, grabbing my shoulders. “I thought you weren’t afraid of death?” She says harshly, her fingernails digging into my skin.

“I’m not.” I gasp out. “It’s what comes before it that scares me.”

“You’ve beaten what comes before it, every day you’ve been here since the parapet. You can keep doing it.”

Finally, my eyes meet hers, forcibly pulled away from the steep drop below. She lowers her voice, steadily holding my gaze. “You’re going to turn off every doubt, every negative thought.” She whispers. “If you’re not afraid of death, failure doesn’t matter. That means instead of worrying, you can focus every ounce of your energy on the next task.”

Slowly I suck in a deep breath, then another. I’m nodding, but I don’t feel that agreement in my bones. I don’t know if I can do this. We’re on the steps that lead up to the flight field, studying the Gauntlet from a higher vantage point and from up here I wonder if I’ll even be able to scale the chimney, let alone the ramp.

There’s a crunch from below us and I look down the stairs to find Liam and Bodhi scaling them, seemingly racing each other up, not at all worried that one of them might topple over the edge. Liam sprints ahead, a grin on his face and when he reaches us, he looks back toward Bodhi. I can’t see his expression, but I’m certain his grin has turned smug.

We cluster together at the top, waiting for Bodhi to reach us. When he does, he raises an eyebrow in question. “I thought we were going to practice the Gauntlet, not just look at it.”

I glare at him dourly, crossing my arms over my chest. “We need a plan. We can’t just go running up it with only hopes and dreams.” Liam snorts and I roll my eyes. “You know what I mean.” I add, flicking him in the shoulder.

“Technically, that’s how everyone does it—how everyone else will be doing it.” Bodhi says dryly, meeting my eyes.

I shrug. “Well that’s on them for not forward planning a little more, isn’t it?” I turn back to the course, surveying the last few obstacles. The chimney is looking more and more troublesome the longer I look at it. “I can see maybe two things I can do.” I murmur, voice going quiet.

“Ok. So let’s start with something you can’t.” Liam suggests, studying the course himself. It strikes me that this is actually the first time he’s seeing it in person. It doesn’t surprise me that he’s not at all phased by it—Liam excels at everything here.

I give him a dry look. “What worries you the most?” He changes his wording. “If we can conquer that, the rest might fall into place.”

“The logs.” I say quietly, looking down toward the the fourth ascent. “I heard they spin.”

Liam stares. “Ok. But you’re fast enough, surely.” He argues, shaking his head. “I was expecting you to say the chimney or something.”

I gulp. “That too.” I admit. “But the logs…it looks easy to make a mistake. To fall off, especially if they’re spinning…and it’s a long way down.” It looks like maybe a thirty-five foot drop—an unsurvivable distance for anyone to fall into the rocky mountainside below. Like everything else in this damned war college, one wrong move results in death.

Liam’s eyes soften and he looks at me with understanding. “Remi…” He whispers, his gaze drifting over to Sage and Bodhi. “Do they…?”

I bite my lip. “Sage does.” I shrug.

Bodhi’s brow furrows. “Ok…” He trails off, looking between us all. “What am I missing?” Liam doesn’t answer. It’s not his call to make. The question is, do I trust Bodhi with something like this? This kind of fear—gut-wrenching terror, really—can be a dangerous weapon against me in the wrong hands.

“If I tell you something, can you keep it to yourself?” I ask him quietly. “If you can’t, that’s ok. But I won’t tell you if you’re going to share it with anyone.” I look at him seriously.

I don’t know how deep his loyalty to Xaden and the rebellion runs—presumably much deeper than our friendship—and while I don’t feel like this is something he’d think to leverage against me for their sake, you never really know. I’m not ashamed of it. It’s a very normal fear to have, in my opinion, it’s just a dangerous one to have in a place like this.

“Remi, as long as it doesn’t endanger anyone else, I promise I won’t say anything.” He’s left himself open a little, but that can’t be helped. I gather he knows exactly who I’m implying when I say ‘anyone’ and what my concerns might be.

“I…I’m afraid of heights.” I grimace.

Silence.

And then, “sorry, did you just say you’re afraid of…heights?” He asks incredulously, eyes wide. He looks across at Liam as if to reassure himself that he heard correctly.

“Terrified.” Sage chips in, swinging her arm over my shoulders.

Bodhi stares. “This is the dragon rider’s section of the college.” He says in disbelief. “You crossed a two-hundred-foot wall to get here. In a storm.”

I nod, smiling self-deprecatingly. “Well-the-fuck-aware, thank you Bodh.”

He looks from me, to the Gauntlet and back again. “Holy fuck.”

I breathe in sharply through my nose. “Can you see why I don’t feel like this is going to work out?” I say through grit teeth, digging my fingernails into my palms.

“No, no. None of that.” Sage cuts in, shaking my shoulder slightly. “We’re going to do this.” She’s probably going to excel at this, I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s the fastest female in the quadrant, maybe even second overall, right behind Liam.

Bodhi eyes me warily. “No wonder you don’t—”

“Think a dragon will pick me?” I cut him off. “Yeah.”

“I wasn’t…” He trails off guiltily under the harsh glare Sage levels at him. “Ok. Maybe I was.” He admits. “We need to get you over that fear and we need to do it before Presentation Day.”

I laugh aloud. “Getting a bit ahead of yourself don’t you think?” I motion toward the obstacle course beside us.

“Getting over this, will help get you up that.” Liam points out, smiling gently in that way he always does when he’s trying to convince me things will work out. Sunshine fucking incarnate.

“Ok. How do I do that?” We all look at each other blankly. “Come on, surely one of you has gotten over a fear before?” I sure as hell haven’t. This is the only one I have within my meagre control.

“I haven’t.” Sage admits and Liam and Bodhi both shake their heads.

“I’m not saying I’m never scared.” Bodhi clarifies. “But my fears aren’t really…simple.” He decides on. I know what he means and it’s the only reason I’m not chewing him out for claiming any fear is a simple matter.

“I think Remi’s the type to respond better to reward and recognition.” He says suddenly, looking at Sage and Liam like I’m not even present anymore. They both nod—Sage emphatically—and I frown, my lip curling a little.

“What does that mean?” I mutter, almost to myself.

“It means, if you can get over this fear, you get a reward.” He says simply. I narrow my eyes, wondering what he’s afraid of and how I can possibly embody it in under sixty seconds.

“Gee, that sounds so simple, why haven’t I thought of that before?” I sneer, kicking out at him with my boot. Fucking idiot. The reward is not plummeting to my death, obviously.

He rolls his eyes. “Ok. Baby steps.” He looks up at me. “What do you want the most right now? Something small but still achievable.”

“An orgasm.” I say immediately, meeting Sage’s eyes. We burst out laughing. This conversation mirrors ours from a few weeks ago almost exactly and yet, here I am, still not having gotten any.

“Remi!” Liam covers his face with his hand.

“What?” I plaster on an innocent look. “It’s true. We’ve been here for months.” Months sharing a dormitory with tens of other girls, in a college where pretty much everybody wants to kill me. I’m practically on a hair trigger.

“Why haven’t you just found someone to help you out then?” Bodhi snickers, and I know exactly what he’s thinking. I tuck my braid behind my head self-consciously.

“Because,” I stress the word, “everyone I trust not to kill me is right here.”

Wow. Good job, Remi. Way to make it awkward.

It’s true though, there’s no one else in this college who I trust enough to let down my guard around. I have no options. If I weren’t completely terrified of screwing up the one female friendship I’ve ever had, I would probably have already propositioned Sage to be honest.

“Ok.” Bodhi says suddenly, a slow grin spreading across his face. “You make it up the Gauntlet and it’s done.” My mouth falls open.

“Wait…what?” I gape, staring at him incredulously.

“Oh come on.” He chides. “Don’t pretend you don’t find me attractive.” He raises an eyebrow.

My cheeks redden and I bite down hard on the inside of my lip. “Bodhi!” I squeak. Of course I find him attractive, but that doesn’t mean—

“You’re not the only one who needs relief sometimes, Rem.” He says casually, still grinning. “We can help each other out.” Well, he’s not wrong…

“…only one?” I ask, eyeing him up and down.

“I guess that depends.” His lips curve up in a smirk.

“It should never depend.” I argue, “if you’re actually good at what you’re doing the answer is always above one.” I frown, forgetting for a moment that this isn’t a theoretical discussion.

He rakes his curls out of his face. “One for making it up the Gauntlet, one for making it through Presentation without getting torched.” He negotiates.

“One before the Gauntlet and two after.” I return with an annoyed huff, feeling Sage’s chest shake against my side as she snickers.

“What? No!” He protests. “You’re not getting a reward before you even try.” He glares at me, his eyes narrowing. “That defeats the purpose.”

“This took a turn I didn’t see coming.” Liam mutters under his breath.

“What if I die?” I ask him seriously. “You’d really let me die sexually frustrated?” I widen my eyes. Now the offer’s on the table I’m really starting to warm up to it…literally.

“Yes.” He says firmly, refusing to engage.

“Fine.” I mutter. “Two after.” I sulk, pushing past him and Liam to stride down the stairs. “But just know, you would have gotten the blowjob of your life!” I call over my shoulder, a grin spreading across my lips, unseen by them.

He coughs behind me and I continue grinning. “I’m more flexible than other people!” I call, taking the steps faster now. Sage is laughing unapologetically and when we get back down to ground level she’s still at it.

“Are you motivated now?” She asks, all her teeth on display as she laughs.

“Still fucking terrified.” I mutter in her ear, shaking my head.

“Well maybe we could try my idea first?” Liam raises an eyebrow and I look up at him in question, a smile still tugging on my lips. “Not that Bodhi’s idea doesn’t have merit.” He teases, “but I think mine might work faster.”

“What’s yours?”

That’s how I find myself up a tree, the tree, staring down at Liam from the fourth branch up. “I don’t like this.” I call down to him, watching hesitantly as he holds his arms out.

“Come on, you’ll be fine.” He cajoles, motioning with his hands. “Just trust me.”

The last time I was up this damn tree, my friendship with him was damaged almost beyond repair. How ironic that we should find ourselves here again in a test of trust. “I’m…scared.” I finally bite out, glancing between him and the ground. It’s probably only ten feet or so, but he’s asking me to jump without trying to catch myself.

Bodhi and Sage stayed back at the Gauntlet, the executive officer offering to talk her through it as she did her first dry run of the course, no magic moving the obstacles. It would help her get a feel for it for when we actually start training with the rest of our squad and I’m grateful at least one of us will be getting ahead.

“Don’t look, don’t think about it, just do it.” Liam instructs, waiting patiently, arms outstretched.

I take a deep breath, meeting his eyes. Blue stares back at me, so serious despite the fact that he must think it funny. Surely anyone would in his situation. A girl not afraid to kill someone, not afraid to die herself, but she’s afraid to jump ten feet from a damn tree.

“Stop. Thinking.”

It’s like something clicks then. Stop thinking, stop feeling—it’s all the same. When I’m in pain, pain so bad I can barely breathe, I distance myself from it, take my mind elsewhere. Maybe this can be the same.

Physically, I’m on the oak tree, ten feet in the air. Mentally, I’m on a rock, only a few feet high, a river rushing by in front of me. I’m swimming near the Krovlan border, my parents stationed with the Southern Wing and it’s not Liam below, but Brennan, waiting to catch me as I jump in.

Without thinking twice, I tip myself forward. A small gasp of terror escapes my mouth the second my free fall passes the two-foot mark and I’m not already snug in Brennan’s arms. I’m still falling. Jolted out of my reverie, a cry escapes me as I land with a heavy thwack in Liam’s grip, shivering all over.

He pulls me into his chest, hugging me tight. “See?” He says gently. “You’re fine.” I don’t feel fine. My heart is racing—more than normal—and there’s sweat beading on my brow even in the cold night air.

I grip his arms tightly as he sets me down on shaking legs. “That wasn’t so bad, was it?”

“Yes it was.” I argue for the sake of it.

He laughs, motioning toward the tree. “Go on.” He waves an arm. “Do it again.” I hesitate, freezing up as my hands touch the bark. “The more you get used to heights and the sensation of falling without something going wrong, the quicker you’ll get over your fear.”

Somehow I don’t think it works like that, but for the sake of Liam’s sanity, I don’t argue. I climb the tree again. I fall again. I climb the tree again. I fall again. I’m not getting used to it. By the end of the night, he’s coaxed me one branch higher and I’m falling a few more seconds before I hit his arms.

“I think that’s enough for tonight.” He finally says, looking up at the moon. It must be past midnight by now, easily. I sigh in relief, flexing my wrist. The splint and lingering pain had made it difficult for me to climb very quickly and he’d shown nothing but patience while waiting down below.

Slowly we begin walking back together up the hill, towards the first-year dormitories. “Hey Liam,” I say quietly, reaching out to grip his arm. “Thanks. For not giving up on me.”

He smiles, throwing his arm over my shoulder. “You’re my friend, Rem.” He says simply and warmth fills me.

“Can I ask…” I trail off unsurely. “You and my sister…”

He startles a little, like he wasn’t expecting it. I’m not surprised. The last time he dared to bring Violet up I was pretty short with him.

“She’s nice.” He says casually and doesn’t meet my eye.

“Like…you want to date her?” I ask, tilting my head.

He bites his lip. “Would that be so bad?” He challenges, finally looking at me.

“Not bad.” I shake my head, even though a small, jealous part of me is annoyed that Violet’s infiltrating this corner of my life so easily too. “I was just wondering.” I whisper, looking down.

“You know you’ll always be my friend, right?” He says gently, stopping me a few lengths from the rotunda. “Even if your sister and I are friends…or anything else, you’ll still be my friend.”

I nod, my throat tightening. “Of course.” I try and smile. “I was just…wondering.” I repeat.

“Well I like her, but I don’t expect anything to come of it.” He says simply.

I nod, slowly. “Just…be careful.” I warn him quietly. “Dain has been obsessed with her for years and I know he threatened you the other day.”

“I’m not worried about Dain.” He interrupts, shaking his head.

“Then you’re not as smart as I thought.” I say sharply. “I’ve known him my whole life. He has a dangerous side to him.” I remind him. “He’s ruthless when it comes to her.”

He watches me quietly for a moment. “You protect her from him all the time.” He points out. “If anything, I’ll just be taking the pressure off you.” He smiles a little. “I know you’re not ready to talk to her again,” his tone is gentle, “but Remi, you protect her so fiercely. I know you love her, despite whatever arguments you might have. It’s ok to accept help, sometimes.” He finishes.

“You’re not the only one who cares.” He reminds me and I know it’s true. She has a lot of friends now, but none of them are willing to go as low or as far as I am to keep her alive.

“I’ll keep that in mind.” I grip his arm tight before letting go, heading into our dorm. When I reach my bunk I look over, finding my sister curled up, her arms around the hurting ribs she refuses to get mended. She’s shivering in her sleep and I sigh, stripping off my leathers. Taking my extra blanket I stole from the infirmary, I throw it over her, tucking it into her sides.

She stirs a little, but quickly falls back asleep. Resigning myself to a cold night, I throw on my cotton sleepwear over my corset and fall onto my bunk, my eyes closing almost immediately.

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The following evening we’re back at the Gauntlet after Liam and I have spent two more hours by the oak tree working on my fear of heights. Honestly, I don’t feel like much has changed. I’m only slightly more comfortable with tipping myself off the branch and that’s not because the sensation of falling has gotten any easier—it’s just because I’ve realised it gets worse the longer I leave it.

Currently we’re clustered around the ramp at the top, deciding to work our way backward. I’ve watched Liam and Bodhi both run at it and then effortlessly pull themselves up, but I can’t even get the speed up to make it toward the top. Sage is close. She’s almost there, she just seems to fall a little too short to get a decent enough grip on the lip of the ramp.

“Try it with two hands.” I tell her, stepping back as she positions herself for another run up. When she twists her body to throw one hand up toward the top of the ramp, the rest of her weight pulls her down and she falls short. She just needs to keep enough of that upward momentum going to—

Sage lets out a whoop, pulling herself up over the edge. I smile as she rolls to her feet, looking back down at me. “Thanks, Remi.” She calls, clapping her hands together. “Now, you.”

I run at it again and again. I’m not tall enough or fast enough to make it. “This is pointless.” I sigh frustratedly. “Even if I did have the height to reach the top, I won’t have enough strength left to pull myself up.” It’s the last obstacle of the course, I’m sure if I manage to conquer everything below it, I’ll already be spent.

“Don’t give up.” Liam says encouragingly. “We just need to find a way around it.” He slides back down, moving toward me. “You told me your power is in your legs.” He says, considering. “You just need to use that strength.” I’m not sure I’ll be standing after the chimney, but I nod anyway, giving it a try.

I run at the wall again. “Push with your legs!” He instructs and I do, forcing myself to treat each step like a jump, envisioning springs on my feet. I get closer this time, my fingertips grazing the wall a few inches below the lip. When I slide back down into the dirt he laughs a little. “That was better at least,” he offers.

I sigh, taking his hand, allowing him to pull me up. “You go again.” I tell him and when he does, I watching him closely, paying attention to his body language and positioning. His core is tilted forward just slightly. I run at the wall again, trying to maintain the same position and make a mental note of where my last contact with my feet is.

I don’t even try to jump up and grab for the top. I’m taking it apart incrementally, attacking it piece by piece. I might be small but there’s physics to this. If I can get it right…it might be possible with practice. I do it again, adding one more motion each time until finally I feel ready to attempt the whole run.

Ignoring the rapt attention of my three wingmates atop the cliff, I focus on my feet, pushing forward step by step until I’m airborne, flying upward until my hands grip the top, my fingers straining under my bodyweight.

I’m forced to let go after a second and for one heart-stopping moment I’m rolling backward off the ramp and back toward the edge of the incline and the forty-foot drop from the Gauntlet’s top ascent. I scramble for purchase in the dirt, sighing in relief as my body comes to a stop.

“Holy shit,” Bodhi leaps down after me. “Don’t do that.” A look of anxiety crosses his face. I roll onto my back, looking up at him with a grin.

“I touched the top.” I smile, my head thumping back into the dirt.

“You sure did.” He says dryly, offering me a hand. “Now you just have to pull yourself up afterwards.” I groan, shaking my head.

“We’ve been working on upper body strength for months.” I complain. “I feel like I’ll never have any.” My lips turn down.

“Well, you’re going to need it so we have to up our game.” I’m training as much as I possibly can—any harder and it will only set us back—but I don’t argue with him. He runs back up the ramp, pulling himself up effortlessly and motions down for me to grip his hand.

I run up, throwing myself into the air and he pulls me over seamlessly, rolling me onto the solid ground atop the cliff.

“Now, how about the chimney.” Sage asks as we join her and Liam, and I look down at the obstacle below.

I hesitate. “Yeah. How are you supposed to…?” I have a picture in my head, but I’m not certain it’s the right way to do it.

Bodhi motions for us to head down the stairs and when we reach the ground again, he says, “we’ll have to go up the correct way to get to it safely.” I balk. Safely? Going up there? Even without the obstacles moving, there’s nothing safe about it.

“I’ll just watch from down here.” I say anxiously, much to his disapproval.

“Come on, Rem. It’s the easiest chance you’ll get to feel it out before we start training with the squad.” Sage says and I guess she knows from experience since she and Bodhi were here last night doing exactly that.

Cautiously, I follow them up the wall, sticking to the cliffside. When we get to the log, she says, “it’s wider than the parapet.” I steel myself and using the ‘don’t think’ method Liam has been drilling into me by the oak tree, I run. In a few small bounds I’m across and on the first of four granite columns.

There’s about three feet between them and I steady myself before leaping from one to the next. On the third, I wobble and have to reach down to grab at the edges of the pylon, my confidence shaken. My balance is usually so much better than this.

“You’re good!” Liam calls encouragingly and I nod, moving to the next, grateful for the grip my rider’s boots offer. From there I have to jump into the spinning wheel. The wheel is easy, mostly because it’s not moving, but even when it does, it will all be about timing—timing is all numbers. I can do that.

After that, I’m on the ascent before the buoy balls and Sage is there waiting for me. Her hand comes up to rest on my back comfortingly. “See?” She smiles a little. “You can do this.”

I glance from her, up to the giant ball ahead of us and then back, raising my eyebrows.

“Bodhi helped me with these yesterday.” She says and I watch closely as she runs, jumping up toward them. She grips the chain at the top, rather than the ball itself and then swings it around so her body is brought closer to the next one. She stretches out her arm, grabbing at it rather than jumping. I probably don’t have the span for that, but I’ll give it a try.

I run after her, glancing back just once to make sure Liam and Bodhi are close by in case I fall. When I jump up to grab the first buoy ball, I feel my shoulder pull and I wince in pain, dropping away almost immediately. Luckily for me, it was already swinging back toward the gravel path and I land heavily in the dirt.

“Fuck.” I groan, rolling over.

“What just happened?” Bodhi asks, crouching down beside me as Sage begins making her way back across.

“My shoulder nearly dislocated.” I hiss in pain, rotating it a little.

“Have you been doing any strength training at all?” He makes a face and I shove my hand into his cheek, pushing him away.

“Of course I have.” I huff, crawling to my knees. “I’ve been doing what Liam said to for months.” I protest. I’ve almost worn myself out training here, I can’t possibly do anything more than I’m already doing. If it’s not enough, it just isn’t and that’s all there is to it.

“Maybe I’ll leave the rest for another night.” I say softly, looking down. For a moment he looks like he might push, but with a sharp shake of Sage’s head, he concedes.

“Ok.” He sighs. “But you did well tonight.” He comments. “We’re almost halfway, we just have to get you across the things that require upper body strength.” He says. So almost all of it, I think wryly.

As we make our way down toward the posts again—because I’d rather that, than scale down the damn ropes like Liam suggests—I say to them curiously, “what do you think happens if we get caught practicing this thing before we’re allowed to?” I jump slowly across the pylons, trying to remain steady. “Death? Or worse—expulsion?”

Bodhi snorts. “How is expulsion worse than death?” He asks, following me across the log. “Isn’t that what you want? To not be here?”

I grimace. “One of those options has Malek waiting at the end—the other has my mother. I’d much rather meet Malek.” I tell him and he chuckles. “Actually, now that I think about it, I don’t think I can be expelled.” I smile brightly. “She’d never let that happen, so it’s death or nothing.”

He rolls his eyes, tossing an arm over my shoulder as we wait for Sage and Liam.

“Oh well, look at it this way,” he says, “you’re already at such a disadvantage; this is just levelling the playing field.” He grins back, unapologetic. I snort, it’s so similar to what my twin said that night out by the river and I can’t quite reconcile in my head, the idea of the two of them thinking alike.

“Speaking of,” Liam jogs to catch up with us. “Are you planning on sharing any of this with Violet?” He looks at me curiously. “Because I assume you share some of the same drawbacks and…she might need the practice too.” He finishes gently.

Bodhi looks over at him sharply. “The more people who are out here, the more likely we are to get caught.” He warns and I can tell he doesn’t like the idea at all.

“I have thought about it.” I admit, looking between them warily. “But with Violet comes Rhiannon, so that already makes six. Then there’s Dain to think about too…” I trail off. I genuinely think my sister will fare much better at the course than I will, but I do worry. If she lets Dain touch her though and he finds out, it could spell disaster. The last thing I want is anything happening to Liam or Bodhi because of us.

“I’ll think about it.” I tell him, smiling hesitantly, though I wonder if I decide against it, whether Liam will take matters into his own hands anyway.

“Thanks.” He says softly and we leave it at that.

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It’s not long before he has an answer anyway. A few days later, I wake up in the morning bright and early to find Violet looming over me, dressed and ready to head off to breakfast duty. As I blink my eyes open, she motions for me to move over, sitting down on the side of my bunk by my hip.

“Rem, can we talk?” She asks quietly, reaching out a hand as if to touch my shoulder. She stops at the last moment, dropping it to the bed.

“What’s up?” I ask softly, my voice raspy with sleep. She hasn’t reached out to me in weeks, not like this.

“I’m…I’m worried about you.” She says gently. “Liam said you were still having a hard time and to leave it be, but you’re sneaking out every night, you’re getting angrier and angrier and I worry the longer I leave it, the more chance you—” I sigh, cutting her off as I haul my body upward.

I wrap my arms around her, pulling her into me so her head rests on my shoulder. “I’m fine.” I squeeze her gently. “I’m just worried about…everything.” I tell her awkwardly. “The Gauntlet, Presentation Day, Threshing…” I trail off. “I still don’t have any answers as to how I’m getting through this.” I shake my head.

“And the anger?” She asks hesitantly, as if she’s afraid just asking might have her experiencing it first hand.

“I am angry.” I shrug, keeping my voice low so the other cadets can’t hear us. “I’m angry that we’re here. I’m angry you don’t understand me. I’m angry at our mother, at everyone here who tries to belittle us, to take us down because of her—I’m so angry.” My jaw quivers and I grind my teeth together to force it still.

“We just have to ignore them. Focus on ourselves and get through it.” She whispers.

“Because ignoring Jack went well for you.” I raise an eyebrow, calling her out on her hypocrisy. She blushes, looking down. “Mmm, felt good, didn’t it?” I say pointedly and she sighs.

“I’m sorry.” She finally grips my hand. “I know we’re not close, but I should have been there for you more.” It’s a little too late for that—like six fucking years too late at a minimum—but I refrain from saying so.

“It’s ok.” I tell her, swinging my legs over the edge of the bed. “I…I have friends now.” I say quietly. “And maybe…maybe if we survive this we can be…better.” I truly believe we’re too different for that, but I’ll try. If only because I know Brennan would want me to.

“I’d like that.” She says softly and a tiny kernel of hope flares to life in my chest. “When you sneak out,” she hedges, “are you being safe?” She looks at me worriedly. “Some nights you don’t come back at all.”

I try and smile reassuringly. “Some nights I sleep in the infirmary. When I don’t think I have the strength to defend myself.” I keep my voice low. “But lately…” I look at her, my gaze assessing. “I want to tell you…but it’s a secret and it puts more than just me at risk if I do.”

Violet’s eyes widen and for a moment she looks hurt. “You can trust me to keep things to myself.” She says, biting her lip.

“Can I trust you not to let Dain touch you?” I challenge her. “For however long it takes for his signet power to be useless in reading this conversation?”

She blinks. “Dain would never do that without consent.” She protests, though I see a sliver of hesitancy in her eyes—hear it in her voice.

I shrug. “Maybe you believe that. Maybe you trust him with your life, but this isn’t your secret and it isn’t about you.” I tell her, trying to keep my voice kind. “And I mean that,” I promise her. “This isn’t about you. If I could tell you, knowing he’d never touch you, I would—but Vi,” I shake my head, “he’s always touching you. I don’t think you even realise how much.”

She sits beside me, eyes wide and I know she’s thinking about it now, the same way I did. She’s running over the last few days, weeks, months in her head, thinking about every instance in which Dain has touched her skin.

“I—” She stops short of defending him. “I don’t know how long it would be—the range his signet can reach.” She says.

My eyes sharpen. I’m surprised she’s even considering the possibility, though perhaps I shouldn’t be. She has been spending more time with Liam lately and after that morning in the Gathering Hall last week, maybe she’s realising Dain isn’t as harmless as he appears. Or maybe…maybe she actually wants to choose me for once.

“I’ll try and find out.” I tell her.

She sets her shoulders, staring me down stubbornly. “I’ll avoid him.” She says firmly. “I want to know.”

I lean in close, whispering in her ear. “The Gauntlet. Liam, Bodhi and Sage have been helping me practice—figuring out how we can get up it.” I motion between us. When I lean back her mouth has fallen open.

“That’s…cheating.” She says, though the second word comes out as more of a laugh.

“Technically so is poisoning every opponent we fight but we’re doing that,” I wave a hand, a blasé grin on my face. “And speaking of—you’re late.” I look toward the door pointedly.

Her head snaps up and she leaps from the bed. “I’ll see you in the gym!” She calls over her shoulder, hurrying out. That’s right—today’s our final challenge day before next week we pivot our focus to the Gauntlet. I can hardly wait.

I take extra care getting ready, making sure my joints are wrapped well beneath my leathers and that the latest toxins I’ve been working with are safely stowed away on my person. A few of my daggers have venom coating them and there are needles stored carefully through my clothes. What takes the most time though, is my hair.

Taking Win’s advice, I pull it into a ponytail before braiding it loosely, fluffing the hair out so it covers the poison barbs I’ve weaved through it. When I look in the mirror, I finally feel a little more like myself again—like the old me who could wear her hair however she liked—I’ve hated having to keep it up on my head.

With that done, I adjust my corset, the high neckline only just covering the lower half of my throat. I tighten my boots and when I make my way back to my bunk to pick up my rucksack, Sage is waiting for me, Rhiannon next to her.

I watch them talk for a moment, a small smile playing on my lips.

“I saw you and Violet talking this morning,” the dark-skinned woman raises an eyebrow, looking at me thankfully when she notices my presence.

“You did.” I agree, shouldering my pack with a small smile. “Let’s get going.” We walk out together and somehow manage to pick up her other friend—Sawyer—along the way. When we make it to the Gathering Hall, we sit down at a table with Liam and Bodhi and I look around, unsettled. “Weird,” I mutter to myself, putting down my tray.

“It is weird.” Sage agrees as the other guy from Violet’s squad joins us. “What’s his name?” She whispers to me, tilting her head toward him.

I make a face. “I don’t know. Riddle or something?” I wrack my brain, trying to remember.

Rhiannon snorts, shaking her head. “Ridoc,” she calls, inclining her head toward us. “That’s Violet’s sister; Remi. This beautiful woman is Sage.” Beautiful woman? I smirk, eyeing the red that’s dusted its way across Sage’s cheekbones.

“Hi.” I nod to him, still smirking.

“Hi.” His tone is suggestive and I laugh.

“No.”

Bodhi chuckles.

Liam looks up and down the table, before turning to me questioningly. “Did you…”

“Yes.” I cut him off. “And yes.” I nudge him with my shoulder. “So there. Aren’t I a fantastic wingwoman?” I smile beatifically at him.

“So she—”

“Needs to avoid Dain at all costs.” I murmur, keeping my voice low. Rhiannon watches us with sharp eyes. She might be the only one who can hear us at this distance—Ridoc and Sawyer are too far down the table to hear me over the din of the Gathering Hall.

“Do you know how far back he can see?” I ask Liam quietly and as he jolts I realise we haven’t spoken about this yet—he doesn’t know that I know. “I found out a month ago.” I tell him, “not from Violet, or you.” I’m still annoyed about that and I let him hear it in my voice.

He winces. “Sorry.” He shakes his head. “And no, I don’t know how far.” My gaze drifts from him, up to the leadership table at the front of the hall, on the dais.

“Do you think he knows?” I ask deviously, nodding toward his foster brother. Xaden is sitting with Garrick and the senior wingleader, Nyra, the woman with the insanely cool spikes on her shoulder pads. Dain isn’t present yet and I sense an opportunity.

“Remi.” Liam warns, his hand gripping my arm. “I’ll ask him later.” He shakes his head at me.

“Does Bodhi know?” I ask, leaning around behind his back.

“Bodhi doesn’t.” The man himself calls, not looking up from his plate. I laugh, pushing myself to my feet.

“Remi.” Liam groans, dropping his face into his hands. Let’s be honest, patience has never been one of my strong suits. I push off the table, striding confidently up to the dais where Xaden sits, his eyes snapping toward me as I take the steps two at a time.

“Hello, wingleader.” I smile sweetly, draping my arm over his shoulder for balance as I lean my mouth down to his ear. He tenses under my gloves and vindictively, I consider it payback for the other day when his hand was on my throat. Should I run my fingers through his hair? “I have a question.”

“Does this question require you touching me?” He grumbles, turning his head slightly and I watch his knuckles turn white where he grips his knife. It’s a butter knife though, so I’m not too worried.

“No.” I answer airily. “I just wanted to.” I hope he can hear the laughter in my voice as I lean in close. “Anyway,” my mouth brushes his ear, “if I wanted to avoid a certain squad leader finding something out, how long would I have to avoid his touch?”

“You don’t let him near you anyway.” He murmurs back, his voice low.

“But Violet does.” I say firmly, tightening my fingers on his shoulder. “So do you know?”

His hand comes up to grip my fingers, loosening my hold on him and forcing me to straighten a little to keep my balance. When he turns his head now, our eyes meet and my stomach swoops. I can’t help it, my gaze drops to his lips and then darts back up. He smirks.

“Is this your favour?” He asks, tilting his chin up. I swallow, studying his stupidly perfect face.

“No.” I reply, leaning in ever-so-slightly. I’m not about to trade that in just yet—not over this. Violet is capable of avoiding Dain’s wandering hands, she just needs to know how long she has to do it for. Garrick is tense across the table from us and I can feel the senior wingleader’s curious eyes on the side of my head.

“I said I wouldn’t kill her,” Xaden arches a brow. “I never said I’d help her.” His tone is nonchalant and I glare down at him, moving our joined hands closer to his neck. My thumb presses into his throat and I smile.

“And if whatever secret she’s hiding affects people you care about?” His eyes narrow. Slowly he turns his head toward my table, looking past Garrick to lock eyes with Bodhi. When he looks back at me, I smile innocently. I know I have him.

“You’re a wicked little thing, aren’t you?” He’s glaring, but there’s a hint of respect in his eyes now and I preen.

“I’m an angel.” I reply, maintaining my innocent expression.

He rolls his eyes and when he motions me closer, I feel my face heat. “I don’t know for sure.” He says into my ear, low enough no one else can hear. “A week at a guess. Not a month, certainly.”

I wince, that’s so much longer than I thought and with such a large margin for error. “If she isn’t prepared to ditch him, stop sharing secrets with her.” He warns. “Especially ones that affect Liam and Bodhi’s safety.” His fingers tighten almost painfully on mine at his throat. Message received.

I pull back a little so I can meet his eyes. “Are you sure you don’t want to just…kill Dain for me?” I ask playfully, raising an eyebrow. “It would solve so many problems.” I’m only half-joking.

“Do your own dirty work.” He chides, shaking his head and I take that as my cue.

“Well thank you, wingleader.” My smile is all teeth. “You’ve been most helpful.” I straighten and as he lets go of my hand and I pull away, I let my fingers trail through the back of his hair ever-so-slightly. Fair’s fair, after all.

I grin, skipping down the dais and back to my own table, meeting my sister’s eyes across the Gathering Hall with a wink. She’s been watching the whole time. Actually, half the hall has and as I move towards my own table I pass a handful of cadets who look like they’d love to tear me limb-from-limb for my audacity. Who wants to bet they have rebellion relics?

“Did you have fun up there?” Bodhi asks dryly as I retake my seat, digging into my now-cold breakfast.

“Oh, definitely.” I smirk. Nothing will ever make me happier than unsettling Xaden Riorson, even if only for a moment. Nothing. 

Chapter Text

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“What was all that about this morning?” Violet asks me as we walk into the gym together, Liam on her other side.

“Just getting some information.” I tell her, keeping my voice down. Dain is a few paces ahead of us and the last thing I want is him overhearing. “Looks like your timeframe,” I nod toward the squad leader meaningfully, “might be around two weeks, but go a little longer if you can, just to be sure.”

She nods, comprehension dawning on her. “Ok.”

“I’ll teach you later how to shield against him. At least, I think I will.” I wrinkle my nose. I’m assuming the way Nolon taught me will work. I hope it does.

“I can help.” Liam says quietly. “I’ve been learning too.” I’d assumed as much, given that Xaden has obviously been across Dain’s abilities since day one—well, our day one. I nod at Liam in thanks. “It won’t be incredibly effective until we’ve bonded with dragons, though.” Huh. I guess Nolon had kind of implied that but…that doesn’t seem to be my experience so far. I guess I don’t really know yet if it’s working or not.

Frowning slightly, I try to focus on the present. “Are you ready for one last challenge?” I smile a little, looking across at my sister. She nods, physically shaking off some of the nervous energy she’s exuding.

“I think I’ve done ok, so far.” She says and she’s right, she’s certainly done better than me, in a way. She’s been injured a lot less, needed less mending, but then, she’s weakened her opponents before she’s even begun fighting. I had to take them on at full strength—at least at first, until I managed to land a blow.

“I’ve been watching.” I admit. “You’ll do fine.”

We line up around a mat and I realise I’m facing Professor Emetterio, rather than Augustus. “I better go—” I start to say but Emetterio shakes his head.

“You may as well stay.” He comments, “you’re matched with opponents on this side of the room anyway.” I glance around, looking for the cadet I’m supposed to fight—a guy named Aron. I find him a few mats over, stretching out his legs. He’s stocky and I know if he gets his hands on me it might be over very quickly.

Violet is stretching out her shoulders as Sage steps up next to me, grinning. “One more go around?” She asks, eyeing my hair where it falls in the same effortless braid I’d woven this morning.

“One more.” I grin back.

Violet’s looking around and I realise she can’t find her own opponent, whoever she knows it must be. Just as I’m about to ask her, Emetterio looks up, scratching his beard and says, “Sorry Violet. You were supposed to challenge Rayma, but she’s been taken to the healers because she can’t seem to walk in a straight line.” My eyes widen and I look down at Violet, trying not to laugh. What did she put in the poor girl’s breakfast?

“That’s…too bad.” Vi stumbles over her words, wincing visibly. “Should I just—” She’s backing away from the mat when she’s interrupted.

“I’m happy to step in.” My head shoots to the side and sure enough, Xaden is stepping up next to me, smirking at my sister innocently. What the fuck?

“You sure?” Professor Emetterio asks, glancing over at him.

“Yes, are you sure?” I ask through grit teeth, glaring at him fiercely. What is he playing at?

“Absolutely.” He grins like a shark, his eyes dropping to mine for a moment before he steps forward, all six-foot of him onto the mat, towering over my sister. Violet looks panicked and I curse the fact that I haven’t been able to tell her everything yet.

“You are all in for a treat.” Emetterio says, clapping his hands. “Xaden’s one of the best fighters we have. Watch and learn.”

I dart forward, just as Violet mutters, “of course you are.” I stifle a laugh, leaning down to her ear.

“I’ll explain later, but I made a deal with Xaden.” I tell her tightly. “He can’t kill you, ok?” I grip her shoulders tightly. “You’re safe.” She’s not safe from whatever pain he’s looking to dish out and Vi already knows it, but at least I can reassure her she’s not about to meet Malek.

She looks up at me questioningly, wide eyed. “Ok?” I press my fingernails into her skin, waiting for her to nod. “You’ve got this.” She calms slightly and finally, I step away, moving back off the mat. Maybe this is for the best—if Violet’s opponent had been replaced with someone who actually could kill her, this might have been a whole lot worse. Assuming Xaden keeps to his word, of course.

“If the touching sister bonding moment is over…” He smirks, his eyes tracking my retreat.

“Go forth.” I wave my hand sarcastically, bowing slightly at the waist. The corners of his mouth rise and his eyes dance with amusement.

“A little out of her league, don’t you think?” Dain argues, tension radiating off him and I roll my eyes.

“Relax, Aetos.” Xaden says, his expression hardening as he turns his head to face the squad leader over Violet’s shoulder. He’s always lurking there whenever she fights, like a creep, or some kind of overprotective dog. “She’ll be in one piece when I’m finished teaching her.” Xaden finishes and my eyes narrow. Arrogant ass.

Dain begins to argue again but Xaden ignores him, discarding every weapon on his body. I breathe a sigh of relief at that, knowing he isn’t going to try and really hurt her, but the feeling turns to distaste when he starts handing them all to Imogen who’s come to a stop at the head of the mat. She’s avoided me ever since last week and it gives me no small sense of satisfaction to notice now that she still can’t look at me.

“You don’t think you’ll need those?” Violet asks, pulling out her own blades.

“Nope. Not when you brought enough for the both of us.” His mouth stretches into a wicked smile and he stretches out his hand in a come-hither motion. “Let’s go.”

I watch cautiously as Violet takes her stance, waiting for him to strike. He’s not going to move first and I mentally will her to attack. Almost like she hears me, she flings a dagger straight at his chest.

He fucking catches it in his bare hands and then clucks his tongue. “Already seen that move.” Gods, save me from myself because damn, that was…so hot. I shift uncomfortably, watching as Violet moves forward in a swipe-and-kick combo only for Xaden to slam her on her back, driving the air from her lungs.

I tense, finding it unbelievably hard to watch her get thrown around like a rag doll. Liam grips my arm next to me. “He won’t seriously hurt her.” He says and I nod, still shifting from foot to foot.

“I know. He gave me his word.” I agree. “Doesn’t make it any easier to watch.” It’s why I normally don’t. Imogen’s head snaps up at that and her eyes narrow on me for the first time in a week.

Violet attacks with dagger after dagger and Xaden continues to disarm her, tossing or kicking them off the mat as he does. After the last one, he leans down, getting in her face and I hear him whisper, “going for blood today, are we, Violence?”

“My name is Violet.” My sister seethes as he kicks another dagger away from her.

“I think my version fits you better.” He says, his voice low, and I’m embarrassed to identify the feeling curling in my gut as jealousy. Gods, Remi, why are you such an idiot? We’ve been here before.

Xaden stands, offering her a hand and my eyes narrow. When Violet takes it, he tugs her to her feet, twists her arm behind her back and yanks her into his chest.

My heart leaps into my throat as he pulls one of her daggers from her thigh sheath and presses it against the skin of her neck. His forearm is across her ribs and he starts to whisper low in her ear. I can’t make out what he’s saying, but I can see the surprise on my sisters face.

When he lets go, she finally goes on the attack again, lunging for his throat and when he praises her, telling her going for the throat is her best option, I realise he actually is teaching her—I just don’t understand why.

When she kicks out at him and he captures her leg in his hands, he chides her, “I expect you to learn from your mistakes,” his tone disappointed. She circles around him, he chides her again and when Violet inevitably loses her cool and attacks out of rage, he throws her around the side of his body and she smacks into the ground.

As he pulls her into a submission hold I take a step forward, my very being protesting as I watch my sister be put in the same position she was when Imogen almost ripped her arm off. For a moment, I’m terrified Xaden is going to do the same, as some kind of revenge against me for last week. He can’t kill Violet, but he can hurt her.

She cries out in pain, dropping her dagger and he pulls another free, holding it to her neck. He leans down to whisper something in her ear, scraping the dagger gently down her neck without drawing blood. They’re having some kind of argument and my muscles remain tense the entire time.

“You’d rather I die, no doubt.” I hear Violet say bitterly.

Xaden replies, “and be denied the pleasure of your company?” I watch them fight for another minute but I have to look away. The sight of him on top of her has my gut rolling with jealousy and I hate myself for it, because how fucking stupid is that? They’re sparring. It shouldn’t be a sensual act—so why does it look like one? Is that just in my head?

After another few minutes of him ‘teaching’ her, Dain finally loses his patience. “I think she’s been taught enough for the day.” Selfishly, I agree.

“Is he always that overprotective?” Xaden grumbles, still pinning her to the mat. His hand is still joined with hers, over her dagger—why is his hand still joined with hers? I look away again.

“He cares about me.” I hear Violet say and I shake my head, stepping away from the mat as far as I can without being obvious about it. Sage joins me, her eyes knowing as her hand grasps my elbow. I don’t dare look up at Liam—then I might have to face the fact that this isn’t all in my head, that Xaden really is flirting with my sister—and I might have to confront why that bothers me.

“You’re not going to disarm me?” I hear my sister say and my eyes snap back to the mat against my will.

Xaden is pushing up from her body and as he stands he says, “Nope. Defenseless women have never been my type. We’re done for the day.” He turns until his eyes land on me. I look away, watching Violet as she tries to reassure Dain that she’s fine without him touching her.

“Aetos.” Xaden calls, “she could use a little less protection and a little more instruction.” He appears every bit the wingleader right now. I roll my eyes, turning back to Sage and taking another step away from the mat. As I move to walk away he calls out to me. “Not so fast, angel,” he motions with his hand. “You’re next.”

I gape.

“What?” I have a challenger already. He’s across the room probably chomping at the bit to tear into me.

“Get over here. Now.” He says and his tone is all command—it sends heat roaring through me and I take a shaky breath in, trying not to let the effect he has on me show. Emetterio isn’t going to intervene, in fact, he looks pleased, so I straighten my shoulders, stepping forward and lifting my chin.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” I bluff, palming a needle between my index and middle fingers. Suddenly I regret messing around this morning. Why did I have to go and be an arrogant idiot? This is obviously revenge.

“Very.” He smirks and I can’t help but notice the way his rebellion relic shines as he flexes his arm, muscle rippling beneath his skin.

All of my confidence drains out of me as I step onto the mat, his much larger form dwarfing mine, even from feet away. I remember the feeling of him gripping my throat and swallow harshly, my eyes falling to his massive hands.

I take a deep breath, steadying myself. He might have made a promise not to kill Violet, but I’d waived any right I had to the same—he’s well within his rights to kill me if he wishes and wouldn’t that just wrap things up in a nice little bow for him? He wouldn’t owe me a favour then.

I know from his spar with my sister that he’s not going to make the first move, so I step toward him casually, as if we’re about to have a conversation and not a spar. When I’m in striking distance, I look up at him quickly and throw my fist forward, attempting to catch him off guard. He ducks to the side and my arm goes sailing over his shoulder, leaving my midsection open. I groan as he takes advantage of that and elbows me in the gut, sending me stumbling back a few steps.

I circle around him, still babying my ribs a little—he hits hard. When I kick out at his ankles, he jumps, evading my boot and I spin toward him, throwing out a hand to try and graze his arm. The fine needle is still wedged tightly between my fingers—all I need it one hit and I can take him down.

He snags my arm instead, pulling me in close, his arm around my ribs the way he had pinned Violet. His chest is to my back and I can feel every hard line of his body against my own. I tense up, shuddering in his grip. “Surely you can do better than that.” He whispers in my ear and I snarl, throwing my head back.

I only make contact with his throat because he’s so damn tall, but he lets me go anyway, possibly more out of amusement than anything else. I begin to think faster, wondering how I can land a hit on him, just one. My braid swings behind me as I launch myself forward, attempting to tackle, rather than hit him. He doesn’t. Even. Budge.

“What the fuck.” I mutter, practically hugging him. He’s pinned my arms to his sides so I can’t so much as graze him with any toxins and when I look up, he’s raising an eyebrow. “Come on, angel.” He taunts. “Show me you’re worth my time.” I freeze. How dare he?

“Fuck. You.” I spit, before viciously bringing my knee up toward his crotch. I’m filled with a burning desire to make him hurt as much as I do. He releases me at the last second, lifting his knee to block my own and my lip curls up ferociously.

“You’re such an asshole.” I pull a dagger free, swiping out toward him with it. He steps backward, dodging each attempted strike and eventually I simply throw it in frustration, following the blade’s path with my fist. He catches one in each hand and the fingers curled around my fist pull me in, tossing me to the mat in front of him.

I roll to my feet in an instant, though I’m seeing stars for a lengthy period of time, retreating back across the mat. Better to retreat than stand in front of him, pretending I can see. When I’m able to move again, I dart forward, attempting to employ a kick-punch combo I’ve been learning for the last week.

“Boring.” He says in my ear as he wraps me in his arms, immobilising me against his chest. “Who do you think taught Liam that?” He smirks and I sigh in frustration as he presses my dagger to my throat. I tilt my head back so I can look at him and he draws the knife down my neck, a thin line of blood welling up after it.

“Oops.” He murmurs sarcastically. “I wonder what kind of venom was on that?” My chest is heaving under his arm and I lean back further, glaring up at him. I could inform him that I’m not an idiot and I make sure I’m immune to my own toxins before employing them, but then—I’m not an idiot.

I let him shove me away and when he does, I pretend to stumble and catch myself. I turn back towards him, holding my fists high. That’s when he goes on offence. I stumble back a little, eyes wide as his fist barrels toward my face. Gods, he’s fast. I dodge as best I can, over and over, before his leg snaps out and trips me, sending me sprawling to the floor.

He crouches down beside me, plucking the needle from between my fingers before I can hide it. “Thought so,” he muses, more to himself than me. He reaches out, playfully pricking my arm with it. “What’s this one do?” I growl, rolling to my feet, shoving at him with my hands.

“None of your business.” I sneer, unsheathing the dagger at my thigh. I swipe at him once before making a show of stumbling and dropping to one knee, palms splayed wide on the floor. I pant quietly, shaking my head as if to clear it before counting to three in my mind. When he moves closer, I crane my neck, squinting up at him with a dazed expression on my face.

He steps forward, looking amused, until my cheek is practically resting on his thigh. His mouth curves into a wicked grin and I know he’s loving the sight of me on my knees. Ever so slowly, I move my hand up, pressing the dagger against the back of his ankle.

“Achilles tendon.” I say sweetly, watching his eyes widen slightly. “Shall we call this one a point to me, or would you like to be in a cast for a few weeks?” He nods his head slightly, conceding, and I rise to my feet, dragging the dagger gently up the back of his leg.

I keep going onto my toes, bringing my mouth to his ear. “Don’t feel too bad, plenty of men before you have been distracted by the sight of me on my knees.” When I step back, his eyes are blazing.

“So you’re immune to your own toxins then?” He deduces. “Smart.” What was smart was allowing him to think he had me, but I smile at the praise anyway, shrugging one shoulder. I bite my lip, toying with the end of my braid as I wait for him to make another move. I just need to stay in this fight long enough for him to defeat himself—because he will, I know he will.

When he throws himself toward me it’s with more ferocity than before and it’s all I can do to keep out of his reach. I suffer a glancing blow to my kidneys and hiss, recoiling slightly but it’s enough to put me off balance. His hand catches me around the throat and he slams me into the ground, forcing the air out of my lungs.

I cough, straining against his grip as he pins me to the mat, his hips pressing down on mine. I roll against him, trying to buck him off but it’s a fool’s errand. Not only does he have me pinned, but the rocking movement simply grinds my core against him and I freeze in place, flushing red. I wish I wasn’t so damn attracted to this man.

He chuckles, tightening his grip on my throat and I can feel my skin start to heat up. A quiet whimper escapes my mouth, unbidden and I press my lips together, glaring up at him as he grins. “Interesting.” He comments, his voice low and my heart begins to pound in my chest.

“Am I meant to be learning something, wingleader?” I ask irritably through grit teeth, “or is it just me teaching you a lesson today?” I can’t lie, I’m a little annoyed that he, for some reason, actually wanted to teach my sister—who outwardly loathes him—how to fight, but all he’s done so far is taunt me.

His lips twitch in amusement and finally, finally, his hand reaches out to tangle in my hair, just as I suspected it would. “What would you be teaching me?” He asks seriously, tugging on my braid—frowning only a split-second later. He pulls his hand away, staring down at it and I grin, relaxing underneath him.

“To never underestimate me?” I suggest, a laugh falling from my lips. He flicks at my braid, pulling out one of the poison barbs. “I wore this braid just for you.” I lie, smirking proudly. His eyes narrow and I wait for him to decide his next course of action.

“Are you going to tell me what it does?” He says mildly.

“Are you going to give me something of value in return?” I ask, raising an eyebrow. He started this—I’m not letting him walk away without a fight.

He stares, his fingers tightening on my throat as he scoffs incredulously. “Your life?”

“We’ve been here before.” I sing, still smiling. “I said something of value.” My smile drops and I let my voice turn cold. “Come on, Riorson. Show me you’re worth my time.”

He starts to rise to his feet, stubbornness winning out. “I’ll just go to the infirmary,” he says.

I give him an even stare as I clamber upright, keeping my voice quiet. “Want to take bets on who they like more?” His expression turns stony and I vindictively think the worry is less than he deserves. I step off the mat, reaching into my bag for a slim vial.

“I’m not giving you another unspecified favour.” He says harshly, his eyes darting down to it.

“Oh yes you are.” I hiss, my lip curling up into a snarl. “Unless you can afford to be running around the quadrant in ten minutes time hallucinating and spilling all your secrets.” He can’t. I know he can’t.

Emetterio has called the next match, but my friends are all spaced around us, watching warily as I hold my ground against our wingleader. His glare has turned furious and I know at least half of his anger is aimed at himself.

My eyes flit down to his rebellion relic and abruptly I remember whatever secrets he has, they’re not just his own—they’re my friends’ secrets too. I sigh, a tiny frown forming on my face. “Here.” I say quietly, relenting. I hold the vial out to him. “Take it.”

He reaches out hesitantly, fingers brushing my palm as he scoops it up. I turn away the second he does, trying not to let how upset I am show on my face. I got nothing out of that besides a sore neck and mild embarrassment and it stings. I didn’t really win my challenge, I didn’t learn anything and I had to watch Xaden ‘teach’ my sister how to fight—teaching being code for flirting.

I sit down next to Sage and lean into her side, feeling dejected. What a day.

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The next week passes in a blur of training. I’m working on my upper body strength and my speed, trying hard not to let my fear overwhelm me. Liam is still helping me out with my fear of heights, though more often than not he’s helping Violet attempt to overcome the chimney. I’m a little bitter, but not so much that I’d begrudge her the help she needs.

By the time our first sanctioned attempt at the Gauntlet rolls around, I haven’t gotten any further along. Luckily for me, there’s only five first-years left in my squad—Liam, Sage, Morgan, myself and a guy named Ciaran. Ciaran is content to just ignore the rest of us, though Liam tries the most to get a response out of him. Morgan is nice enough though, so while I wouldn’t call us friends, I know she’s not going to be laughing with anyone behind my back after these practice sessions.

I push through my terror to make it as far as the three iron rails, but that’s where my success ends. I don’t have the strength to manage the hand-over-hand section so soon after making my way across the buoy balls.

Unfortunately, to make my way down, I have to use the ropes this time and it leaves my heart beating out of my chest. I’m grateful I wear gloves regularly though, because they certainly protect the skin of my hands from everything the Gauntlet throws at us.

Liam makes it to the top on his first try, Sage on her second and I try my hardest to appear happy for them, though my lingering dread makes it difficult. I also feel guilty, because I know we’re going to be timed on this as a team and even if I manage to make it up, I’ll definitely have ruined things for the rest of my squad.

My angst over the next few days is matched only by Violet’s, who witnessed one of her squadmates falling to her death before her eyes. Rhiannon told me that my sister leapt forward as if to catch her but couldn’t reach her hand in time.

Vi’s taking it hard and I personally think most of that is just reality sinking in for her. She’s finally realising that we’re not all going to make it to graduation and maybe even that we are the ones who are most at risk.

Regardless, I attempt to be supportive, though I don’t really know how. I know better than to say I told you so, so I settle for just helping her cart Aurelie’s things up to the burn pit a few days later. Her parents have decided not to come for her body and I wonder what kind of people they are, that they would let somebody else bury her under a stone on their behalf.

We stand over the fire, flames crackling beneath us and I shift awkwardly wondering if I should say anything. Violet’s already said a few words of course and me, well, I didn’t know Aurelie. Even if I did, I wouldn’t know what to say. Still, it seems a bit…insensitive not to.

Suddenly, Violet speaks up again. “Dain got Markham to agree to hide me in the Scribe Quadrant.”

I startle, looking over at her with wide eyes. “How?”

She shrugs, her gaze still on the roaring flames burning away her squad mate’s belongings. “I don’t know.” She answers. “I’m…I’m not going. I don’t think.”

“Why not?” I ask cautiously, studying her face.

She turns to look at me then, arching a brow. “You don’t think mum will just throw me right back? Even if it is after a year?” I nod my head, conceding her point. “Anyway I—I think that I can do this.” She says, determined. “I know I can.”

I envy her for that.

“I know you can, too.” I say softly, tilting my head to look up at the stars. Slowly, we turn and start to walk down the stairs, heading across the courtyard.

“Rem, don’t you think that maybe you can too?” She asks sadly, looking over at me. “I mean, it’s been two months and you’re still here. What if this is what we’re meant for?” I frown, kicking at the grass beneath my feet.

“I would have hoped to have been meant for more than just…fighting.” I tell her softly. “I wanted more. To be more than that.” I chuckle. “And now look at me—now hurting people is the only thing I can do right.”

She drags me over to the bench she sat down on that very first day, hidden away in the alcove. My head hits the wall and I sigh, closing my eyes. “I don’t think that’s all you can do.” My sister says quietly. “You’re smart, Rem. You show up every single person in Battle Brief—even the third-years.” She takes my hand. “And you’re so much stronger than you think. You think you’re destructive but that can be a strength if wielded correctly.”

The cold feeling in my chest lessens, just a little bit. “One more time, huh?” I murmur to myself, shaking myself. Every day it’s just one more try.

Violet goes to speak again but the access door to the ridgeline opens just as her lips part, and her brow furrows in confusion. Bodhi had suggested yesterday that we all take the night off practising the Gauntlet and I’d readily agreed, so it wasn’t any of our usual group coming by that way so late. We lean back, letting the darkness conceal us—we’re out after curfew too, after all.

I frown as Xaden, Garrick and Bodhi pass under a mage light, heading toward us. What are they doing up to so late? They’re all wearing their flight leathers and it occurs to me that they must have been somewhere with their dragons. There’s no saying they weren’t just out for a midnight flight, but…really? Of course they weren’t.

“There has to be something more we can do,” Bodhi argues, looking to his cousin, his voice low as they pass by us. Their boots crunch on the gravel and I hold my breath, grounding my feet in the plush floor of my box.

“We’re doing everything we can.” Garrick hisses and Xaden stops ten feet away, his shoulders tensing up. Violet tenses at the same time next to me and I remain still, giving her a sidelong glance.

“What’s wrong?” Garrick asks, looking over his shoulder into the courtyard.

“Go on.” Xaden says firmly, “I’ll meet you inside.”

Bodhi turns now too, his gaze sweeping across the courtyard. “You sure?” I almost want to step out of the dark and ask him what he’s doing that was so important he lied to us and cancelled our regular plans; but instead I just remain motionless, watching the shadows around me like a hawk.

“Go.” Xaden orders, standing completely still until they’ve disappeared and then he turns, facing our little alcove with surety. I watch warily as Violet climbs to her feet, stepping out into the light.

“I know you know we’re here.” She says casually, moving toward him. “And please don’t prattle on about commanding the dark. I’m not in the mood tonight.” I snort, shaking my head.

“No questions about where I’ve been?”

“Plenty.” I mutter, at the same time as Violet says, “I honestly don’t care.”

“You really don’t, do you?” He says, looking at her like she fascinates him and I finally stand, stepping past them and out onto the grass, ignoring the sinking feeling in my chest. Whatever they were doing, I’d bet all the gold in the world it has to do with whatever’s being covered up in Battle Brief.

“Rem!” Violet calls, like she expects me to stay and I close my eyes, freezing in place.

“What are the two of you doing out after curfew, first-years?” He asks and I look over my shoulder, keeping my face blank.

“None of your business, wingleader.” I roll my eyes. “Unless you’d like to share what unsanctioned mission you’ve been on?” His shadows skim across my skin and it’s as good of a tell as any.

“Careful, angel.” He warns, stepping up close. “Don’t ask questions you won’t like the answers to.”

I grit my teeth, turning fully. “Bold of you to assume you know what I like.” My eyes narrow. I’m sure he wishes I was more like Violet, that I wouldn’t ask questions or follow the clues right to their inevitable conclusion so fast.

His hand comes up to my face and he brushes the back of his fingers over my cheek. He smells like mint and leather and I inhale sharply, eyes hooded as I take in the cut of his jaw. “Oh, I know what you like.” He asserts, his fingers trailing down my neck.

I tense up, holding his gaze stubbornly. “You think so, do you?” I snort, shaking my head. “You don’t know a damn thing about me.” I raise my chin.

“I know more than you think.” He says. “I know you’ve been practising the Gauntlet at night, but you still can’t make it halfway up. I know you’re miserable here and that you half hope you don’t make it up at all.” Violet gasps behind him. “I know you cry so much over your sketchbook your eyes swell shut and that you feel more alone than ever, even when you’re surrounded by people.” His eyes drill into mine. “How am I doing so far?”

My hands are shaking. He steps back, turning his head to look at Violet. “You don’t appreciate her enough.” He says. “You’re alive because of her.” My mouth falls open. “And she’s keeping herself alive so you stay that way.” No one’s ever stood up for me before, not against Violet, let alone a veritable stranger. Most people like her better straight off the bat.

My lip shakes and I stare at him, at the way his jaw flexes as he glares at my sister. My eyes burn and I wrap my arms around myself, drawing his attention back to me. “Stop sulking in your self-pity.” He says ruthlessly. “You’re already playing the probabilities. Work harder.” He says.

“It’s not self-pity.” I croak out. “It’s facts. It is the probability.” I shake my head. “I’m more than likely going to die on Presentation Day.” I tell him, “I’ve made peace with that, though I’m not sure why you care.”

He shrugs. “I don’t.” He says and something in me is screaming that it’s a lie. “But Bodhi does. Liam does. So get your shit together and figure it out.” He glares at me. “Where’s the vicious little thing that threatened me on the mat?”

I don’t understand why he’s doing this, why he’s saying these things, but I let it strengthen me. “Beating you is a lot easier than beating myself.” The words fall from my lips as a whisper.

“Figure. It. Out.”

With that, he turns on his heel and walks away, leaving me reeling. It’s only once he’s disappeared into the dark and Violet’s pulling me toward her that I realise my hands are still shaking.

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Our next attempts at the Gauntlet, both sanctioned and not, go well and yet Violet and I are still stuck. In our sanctioned runs, I still haven’t made it any further. In our practice runs, I’ve made it to the chimney.

When we practice at night, I get to take an extended moment to rest before attempting anything further—in our sanctioned sessions I don’t have that luxury. I’m a little relieved I haven’t made it past the metal rods because during the day, the spinning logs would actually be spinning and I’m not sure I’m ready for that. They still terrify me.

While Violet is too short to span the distance of the chimney or make it up the final ramp, I can at least do the second. I’m half a foot taller than her, after all. I think with more practice she’ll manage the ramp just fine, but she wants to focus more on the chimney right now and fair enough, because I can’t figure out how we’re getting up it either.

It very nearly doesn’t matter.

On my way from lunch to the ridgeline a couple of weeks after our Gauntlet training sessions begin with Augustus, I’m walking next to Sage, laughing at something she’s said when an excruciating pain erupts in my side.

I gasp, stumbling back and look wide-eyed at the cadet who was crossing the courtyard in the opposite direction—the cadet who has just buried a knife in me. My mouth falls open and I’m frozen for a moment before my brain finally kicks into gear as he pulls the blade out and jams it back in again.

I let out a low whimper of pain before bringing my elbow down on his forearm, gasping as it jolts the dagger free, tearing it from my skin. My free hand fumbles for one of my own and I throw it with deadly precision, immediately drawing another as it buries itself in his chest.

He’d aimed low enough to miss the protective layer of Teine’s scales and the pain is immense. I don’t even recognise him. I launch forward, striking out with my second dagger toward his throat. He pivots away and I turn on the ball of my foot, following even as I attempt to distance myself from the pain in my side.

Sage has drawn her short sword—a pretty thing she won in a challenge weeks ago—and she corners the cadet, herding him back towards me. I don’t think she even saw him land a hit on me, she just knows we’re fighting now. He’s torn my first blade from his chest and tossed it into the grass.

I don’t have time to wait for the venom to kick in. I can feel the blood leaking from my wounds, hot and thick against my skin and I know with certainty he’s hit something. Gods, please don’t have nicked an intestine. I kick out at his leg, trying to unbalance him and Sage draws her sword across his side.

He lets out a low hiss, turning toward her, clearly identifying her as the bigger threat. As he lunges for her, blade held high, I push off my feet, throwing myself onto his back. Without thinking, I wrap my arm around his neck and pull my dagger across his throat, arm jolting from the force of it.

Blood sprays upward, splattering across my face and neck over his shoulder. He gurgles for a moment, stumbling, before dropping to the ground. I go down with him, my knee in his back, one hand falling to the grass.

I remain there for a second, eyes wide and panting, before the pain rushes back in. I let out a low moan, dragging myself to my feet. Sage pulls at my shoulders, tugging me up with an equally stunned expression. I stumble, leaning on her a little as I glance around, noticing the rest of the courtyard staring in shock.

Yeah, the little Sorrengail just slit a man’s throat—what of it? I lift my chin, one hand dropping down to cover the wounds beneath the hemline of my corset. The guy had to have been watching me for a while—he knew exactly where to hit me, the only better place to aim for would have been through my eye socket.

“Can you get my daggers?” I ask Sage quietly, motioning toward them with my head. She does so immediately and then returns to wrap her arm around my waist.

“Infirmary?” She asks.

“Infirmary.” I answer tightly, limping a little as we move forward. When we’re a few paces from the rotunda, Bodhi steps out, Xaden at his side, and his eyes widen as he takes in my appearance. There’s blood everywhere.

“What the hell happened?” Bodhi asks, striding forward to meet us.

“Some guy just tried to kill me.” I wheeze, offering him an acerbic smile.

“Who?!” He snaps and I grind my teeth together, glaring at him.

“I don’t know, Bodhi—the dead guy!” I snarl in agitation, waving my hand behind me. He leans around me as if to confirm for himself the man is down.

“He’s very dead.” Sage comments wryly and in that moment my knees give out, almost dragging her to the ground. “Woah,” she says, trying to pull me back up, “you good?”

“I’ve been stabbed.” I hiss through grit teeth, before looking back up at Bodhi and his cousin. Xaden’s expression is…

Heated eyes rove over my face, taking in the blood that drenches my skin and hair. As Sage struggles under my weight and I try and get my feet back underneath me, the wingleader steps forward, waving my friends away.

“Both of you, go to class.” He tells them and I make a noise of protest. “I’ll get her to the healers.” I open my mouth to say no and Sage practically pushes me toward him.

“Thank you, wingleader.” She smiles and when I meet her eyes, it turns into a smirk. Oh, she is so dead to me. She’s been spending too much time with Bodhi. “I’ll see you later.” She tells me and without further prompting turns on her heel to head towards the ridgeline.

Xaden pulls me into him and Bodhi steps forward, his face showing concern. “Are you ok?” He asks seriously and I smile, biting my tongue.

“I’m fine, Bodhi.” I reply, holding myself upright with effort. “It’s just a flesh wound, he didn’t hit anything.” I lie. The executive officer’s gaze darts down to the blood coating my lower abdomen for a second and then returns to my face doubtfully. “Would I lie to you?” I grin.

He rolls his eyes, hesitating a moment more before he finally nods, giving his cousin a sharp look over my shoulder. “Ok. I’ll see you later.” I hold myself still until he’s passed us and when he’s out of sight, I sag in Xaden’s grip.

“Sweet Malek,” I mumble, turning to try and hobble toward the tunnel. He stops me, moving as if he’s going to pick me up and I wince, shaking my head. “I’m fine.” I protest, putting one foot in front of the other.

“You’re not fine.” He says, in his usual amused tone. “He definitely hit something.”

“Of course he did,” I agree. “Maybe even two things.” I falter when we hit the top of the stairs. I grip his arm tightly, wobbling as I lower one foot. When I hiss in pain, he snorts, leaning down to scoop me into his arms. “I said—”

“Don’t be a baby.” He interrupts, moving much faster down the staircase and into the tunnel than I ever could have. I sigh in defeat, letting my head fall back onto his shoulder. I close my eyes, breathing in the scent of mint and leather as he moves swiftly toward the infirmary.

“I knew you liked me.” I murmur, a tiny smirk tugging at my lips. He scoffs and I peek one eye open a fraction to watch him shake his head, his usual dark expression plastered firmly across his face.

“You’re suffering from blood loss.” He says. “It’s messing with your head.”

I laugh, curling in on myself as the involuntary movement jolts my wound. His arms tighten their grip on me, one under my knees and the other behind my back. For a moment, just a moment I feel…safe. I swallow harshly, screwing my eyes shut tighter. Safe? With him? What a novel concept.

“Hey, Xaden?” I ask, keeping my eyes closed. “I know what I want for my favour.” I murmur and I can’t help but tuck my face into his neck, taking in his scent. It’s not like he’s going to notice.

“This doesn’t count?” He challenges and I grin, my breathing evening out slowly as I try and relax.

“You wish.”

After another second, he continues. “Ok, I’ll bite.” He says. “What do you want?”

“I want to meet Sgaeyl.” I whisper.

He chuckles, his chest vibrating with it beneath my body. “Are you sure?”

I nod. “Yes.” I’ve been thinking about it for a while and the closer Presentation Day looms, the more I’m certain I want to before then, just in case.

“Why?”

I frown, opening my eyes as he walks through the doors to the infirmary. “She’s beautiful.” I answer honestly. “I want to draw her again.”

Before he can respond, Winifred is striding towards us, her mouth dropping open. “Remi Sorrengail! What on earth have you done?!”

I groan, making a face at her. “Someone stabbed me. How is that my fault?” She motions toward my regular bay, the one right at the end by her office. It’s essentially my room now.

“You do have that effect on people.” Xaden says dryly. When he puts me down on the bed, he does so gently, sliding his hands out from underneath me. Winifred moves around, injecting me with a painkiller from the side trolley, the one that’s permanently there now.

“Wait here while I get Nolon.” She says, disappearing down the hall.

I struggle to push myself up, reaching for the laces at the back of my corset. I can’t get one arm behind my back. Xaden bats my hands away, fingers working with unnerving efficiency as he pulls the bodice free.

“Bet this isn’t how you pictured undressing me the first time.” I joke, because if I don’t, I’ll actually start to think about it.

“You’d be surprised.” His lips are by my ear and I shudder, falling into his grip as he eases me back down. “Is this…?” When I look up, he’s running his fingers along the armour, studying its shine in the light.

“Dragonscale.” I confirm. “My sister made it for me.” My lips lift up in a smirk. “She knows a guy who can make big things small…and small things much bigger.” He snorts.

Nolon rounds the curtain, paying Xaden little mind as he moves in front of him to get to me. “I thought I told you I didn’t want to see your blood again until Threshing.” He chides and I laugh, groaning audibly with the movement.

“Why does everyone keep talking like this is my fault?” I ask.

“Because it usually is,” Nolon replies, before waving his hand at Xaden. “If you’re going to be here, make yourself useful and hold her hip down.”

The wingleader circles around the bed and I turn my head to look up at him dazedly as he awaits Nolon’s instructions, a serious expression on his face. “Really, Remi?” Nolon gripes, wiping away the excess blood to reveal the two stab wounds, one clean and the other long and jagged, skin flayed apart. “This must have hit—”

“The ovary.” I finish for him, my words slurring just slightly. “I know.” He pulls out a pair of surgical scissors and my eyes flare wide as he lowers them to my leathers. “Uh no!” I yelp, pushing his hands away. “No, no, no.” I stare at him incredulously. “Mira gave me these.” I protest. “I need these.” We don’t get more until after Threshing—if we make it that far.

“Remi.” Nolon says patiently. “I’m a mender.”

“O-oh.” I stop struggling.

Winifred looms in the doorway and my eyes narrow. “What did you give me?” I glare at her. “That was not my usual painkiller.”

“We ran out.” She smiles, unapologetic. If she’d said anything beforehand I would have refused a painkiller at all and she’s well aware of that. She knows I hate being mentally impaired in any way. Mostly because it ends with me in situations like this—embarrassing myself, in just my chest bindings, in front of Xaden Riorson.

Xaden follows Nolon’s direction, his warm hands roaming over the skin of my hip, pressing me to the bed gently. “Rem?” Nolon asks from my other side and I nod, letting him slip a piece of leather between my teeth. When he begins, I scream in pain, straining against their hands to arch up off the bed. As always, the mending hurts almost more than the initial injury. Everything has a cost.

Xaden’s shadows skitter away from his body and up into my hair and I blink my eyes open, watching with fascination as his brow furrows, almost as if he’s surprised. One of them strokes across my forehead and I whimper, turning my head into its touch.

The mending goes on longer than I expected it to, so I know there must have been more damage than just the ovary. By the time Nolon’s finished, there are tears streaming down my cheeks and my fingers are digging harshly into Xaden’s hand where it rests over my hip.

“You should let us knock you out, silly girl.” Winifred chides and I shake my head, shivering all over.

“No need.” I pant, spitting the leather out of my mouth. “This is fine.” She glares at me, knowing an impossible battle when she sees it.

“Is the person who did this dead?” She asks and when I look up her eyes are on my wingleader. I frown, feeling affronted.

“Why are you looking at him?” I make a face. “I killed them. He wasn’t even there.” Winifred’s brows climb to her hairline.

“You’ve never killed anyone before.” She challenges and I grumble.

“Because someone always makes me feel guilty about it first.” I admit. “There wasn’t really any time for that.” I shrug pragmatically. I don’t feel bad about it and I wouldn’t if it had been any of the others who challenged me in the gym, either. They tried to kill me first.

I turn back to Nolon, arching a brow. “How long is this going to keep me from practising the Gauntlet?” I ask him, knowing that a mender’s healing might look complete, but that doesn’t mean you can always jump right back in.

“A week.” He says, his tone stern. He knows I usually take his timeframes as guidelines rather than rules.

“Your week or my week?” I make a face.

“Yours.” So the actual recommendation is two then. Great. I sigh, relaxing back into the pillows.

Xaden takes a step away, pulling back his hands and a soft noise of protest escapes my throat unbidden. I flush bright red and it’s only then that I realise I was still gripping his hand the entire time. How utterly mortifying. I pull away quickly, feeling my cheeks burn.

“Um…thanks.” I mutter quietly, not meeting his eyes.

Violet bursts in a second later, rushing toward me with Rhiannon at her back. “Remi!” She cries, wrapping herself around me. “Are you ok?”

When I look up, Xaden is gone.

Chapter Text

💫      🐉      ⚔️      🔥      🖤

Presentation Day looms and the day before, I wake up to a tugging sensation at my hairline. I blink my eyes open, trying to clear them as I sit up, flinging my hand up agitatedly. When the sleep clears, I find a dark shadow curling around my wrist, pulling incessantly. I assume the sensation by my hairline is another of them, brushing against me.

"What do you want?" I groan, making a face. Is the sun even up yet? The one at my wrist continues pulling and with some force, it almost drags me off the bed. "Ok, ok." I hiss, swatting at it. "I'm coming!"

Annoyed, I adjust the corset around my chest and brush off my cotton sleep pants. I slip into my boots, tying them loosely and run a hand through my sleep-mussed hair. What does he want?

I haven't seen much of our wingleader since that day in the infirmary two weeks ago. I've seen him around obviously, I see him every day in the Gathering Hall and at Battle Brief, but we haven't spoken. No witty banter, no smirk as we pass in the halls—nothing. I throw my almost-empty rucksack over my shoulder, pulling only two daggers out of it to sheath at my ribs.

When I stumble out of the dorms and into the rotunda, he's leaning against one of the marble pillars, the ones that depict fantastic, colourful dragons in motion. His eyes rake over me in assessment and I scowl, feeling unpolished in my sleep pants and undone hair.

"It's early." I complain. "What do you want?"

He raises an eyebrow. "It's what you want, actually." He says, looking unfairly awake and unruffled. "I thought you wanted to meet Sgaeyl before Presentation Day?"

My eyes light up. I had thought he'd forgotten, or was just wilfully ignoring my request. "Really?" I ask, a small smile curving my lips, before I remember I look atrocious. I frown, pushing my hair back out of my face. "You couldn't have let me get ready first?" I don't want to meet her looking like a street urchin.

"You look fine." He rolls his eyes and begins striding away, presumably toward the flight field. It must be why we're up so early—only riders are allowed on the flight field. I have to rush to catch up, his long legs carrying him a lot farther, a lot faster than I can move at my regular pace.

Excitement fills me and I'm glad I brought my sketchpad, though I doubt I'll be able to draw her on the spot. It's not as if she's going to sit and pose for me. Really, all I should be hoping for is that she doesn't take exception to my request and roast me.

"Is...is she ok with this?" I ask him. "We don't have to if she doesn't want to."

He smirks, looking at me with amusement. "You think she'd show up at all if she didn't want to?"

I look down, a red tinge to my cheeks. "Well...no." I grimace. "But I kind of blackmailed you into it. She might not have liked that."

He chuckles, shaking his head. "Annoyingly enough, she enjoyed it."

A slow smile creeps onto my face. We walk in silence up the stairs past the Gauntlet and I flinch, looking across at it with trepidation. Tomorrow I might die here.

"Still haven't figured it out?"

I shake my head, not bothering to answer. I'm not about to tell him how utterly terrified I am. The height from the stairs alone still scares me. I missed a week of practice after my attempted murder, so I haven't gotten much farther in our sanctioned runs. I've made it to the logs, but haven't tried to cross them. Aurelie's death looms large in my mind. I didn't know her, but I heard how she died and I'm terrified that will be me.

When we reach the flight field, his bonded dragon is waiting and all the air leaves my lungs. In the early morning light, her scales shine beautifully and the gold of her eyes matches the blazing sun rising behind her. Suddenly, I wish for paint.

I let out a breath, meeting her gaze daringly, just as I had after I'd first crossed the parapet all those months ago. "Hello." I say softly, voice shaking a little as I approach, coming to a stop right beneath her nose. She makes a chuffing sound that almost reminds me of a laugh.

I drop my rucksack, peering up at her, eyes wide. She's the biggest dragon I've ever seen—I knew that on Conscription Day, but being this close—right beneath her maw—it finally begins to sink in. I admire the navy scales up close for a moment before my eyes move toward the mesmerising curve of horns sweeping high above her head.

I'm enamoured.

Makes sense. Her rider elicits the same feeling.

I step back just slightly, trying to take her in better and her head drops down, startling me. It tilts to the side and I meet her eye up close, holding my breath. Her head nudges my chest and I'm almost bowled over with the force of it. I watch her, eyes wide, itching to reach out a hand and see what her scales feel like. I don't dare.

She makes another chuffing sound and my hand rises almost of its own accord before falling back to my side again. I jump when I feel Xaden behind me, his hand reaching down to pull mine up, placing it on her nose. "She said you can."

My mouth falls open a little and I stare with wonder, gently running my fingertips over her scales. "As a reward for manipulating her rider." He continues sourly, his cadence telling me he's been forced to repeat it word for word.

I choke on a laugh, a tiny grin forming on my face as I feel the warmth of her beneath my palm. She's magnificent and if it is to be my last day, I'm glad I got to experience this. My throat tightens. "Thank you." I murmur and I'm not sure if I'm speaking to him, his dragon, or both.

"Did you know you were hers when you went into Threshing?" I ask suddenly, turning my head to look at him over my shoulder. He's so close I can feel the warmth of him radiating onto my skin. He reaches up a hand to brush my golden brown locks off my neck.

"No." He answers with finality and the dragon in front of me lets out a gusty exhale, almost blowing me over if it weren't for the steady weight of his body behind me. "She appreciates you phrasing it like that." He rolls his eyes. "But no. I didn't know she was going to bond that year and even if I had, dragons aren't supposed to bond relatives of their fallen riders, so I wouldn't have assumed it would be me." He says it wryly, as if it's a joke to him and I guess it is one. Who are we to assume who dragons should choose?

"Kaori says some people get like...feelings." I press. "You never had any?"

"I have feelings." He grins wickedly and I huff, shoving him back lightly so I can turn around.

"You know what I mean." I say and I hate the hint of insecurity that bleeds into my voice. I guess I just want to know that if I do make it to Presentation and I don't feel anything, there's still a chance I won't be stuck in an endless cycle of Basgiath. I don't want to ride a dragon, but I want to remain here forever even less. I don't see another way out—and it's killing me.

"It's out of your control." He shrugs unapologetically. "You said it yourself, they choose us." His expression is stern, "it's the one thing you shouldn't be concerned with because there's literally nothing you can do. Everything they tell you before Threshing about raising your chances is bullshit. They. Choose. You."

I sigh, looking down. "Ok."

Sgaeyl nudges me from behind and I squeak, catching myself with my hands on Xaden's chest. He's looking over my shoulder with disdain and she chortles with amusement. "Sorry." I mutter, stepping back. I take a few paces to the side and back up further so I can see her in all her glory.

The sun has basically risen now and when I look up, squinting into the glare, she's extending her magnificent wings. The span is incredible and I grin, taking in the details on her membranes. "Wow." I breathe and suddenly my fingers are itching for my charcoals. I resist the urge, my eyes darting down toward the daggertail she curls around her legs.

"You really hit the jackpot." I tell Xaden, marvelling at the dragon that chose him. Sgaeyl shifts a little and just as it looks like she's about to take to the air, I throw out my hand, daring to halt her. "Thank you." I say genuinely, hoping she knows I mean it. "It was nice to meet you."

She chuffs, before finally beating her massive wings and hurling herself skyward. I'm forced back a few steps by the air currents beneath her and when I right myself, she's disappearing off toward the vale. Immediately I'm reaching for my charcoals, thinking to add detail to my previous art of her while the image is still fresh in my mind. I flip to the last page I've used and quickly begin shading in some of the detail under the arches of her wings.

"Are you ever going to admit what makes you so sad in there?" Xaden asks, his tone bored. I remember that night, out in the alcove where he'd so easily rattled me—the way he could so quickly unravel all my insecurities and fears, like he was in the marrow of my bones.

"Are you ever going to admit you have a soft spot for me?" I tease, attempting to divert his attention. My fingertips are blackened already and when I reach back to push my hair behind my ear, I'm certain I leave a streak of charcoal across my cheek.

"I don't." He says with finality. "Perhaps I just find you interesting."

I pause, my gaze flitting back up to him. "Interesting how?" I give him my full attention.

"You're a contradiction." He answers. "Weak and strong at the same time. Dangerous, but soft." He shifts on his feet. "Your mind...it would be a shame to see so much potential wasted." He says it without any feeling, with what almost looks like a scowl on his face—but still, my lips curl up.

"My brother." I say abruptly, frowning back down at my sketchbook. "I've been trying to draw him since I got here but...it's been six years and I—I'm starting to forget what he looks like." I swallow harshly. "The details in his face, you know? The shape of his eyes, or the exact curve of his lips." My own eyes burn and when I risk a glance up at him, he's tense, his body rigid.

"My father..."

I sigh and when I speak next, my tone is a little desperate. "Tell me something about him." I say. "Anything."

He looks almost disturbed at the thought. "Why?" His eyes have gone cold and at his tone, so does my heart. I feel my stomach sink and abruptly, I toss my charcoals back into my bag.

"I don't know." I tell him, shouldering my pack. I'm proud of myself when my voice doesn't waver. "I guess I just wanted to know anything that would remind me he was a real person too—that we're both just victims of a war we had no say in."

I hold my head high as I turn and walk away, ignoring his eyes on my face.

💫      🐉      ⚔️      🔥      🖤

At lunch I ask Liam about Sloane. I'm not sure what has me trying to coax out the details of everyone's lives all of a sudden. Maybe it's just that feeling like I'm on borrowed time—like I haven't learned enough in the time I've been given.

"What makes you say I remind you of her?" I quiz him. "Besides the attitude."

He laughs, a genuine smile on his face. "My sister is tough, like you can be." He nudges me with his arm. "But she's also really gentle." He divulges. "She loves animals, flowers, all that sort of thing, but she's also...a tempest." He shakes his head. "In the same way you're a hurricane, she will demolish anything in her path that stands between her and something she wants."

I grin, imagining a little whirlwind with blond hair and blue eyes. Sounds like my kind of girl.

"She'll be here next year." His smile drops a little. "I'm worried."

I frown, looking over at him. I hadn't realised she was only a year younger than us, but if she's all Liam's ability and my attitude she'll probably be the best warrior Basgiath's ever produced. I tell him so and he shakes his head again, grimacing. It's an expression I rarely see on his face.

"She...she's sick. Like you." He says softly. "She gets migraines all the time, she's nauseous, dizzy, sometimes her limbs don't respond properly..." He continues. "I don't know how she's going to do this." He looks down. "I haven't seen her in years and when I finally get to...how do I keep her safe in here?"

I grip his hand tightly on top of the table. "With all of us helping you." I say firmly. "If she's anything like me—"

"She's as self-deprecating as you too." I fall silent, taking in his words.

"Oh."

"Remi," he winces, squeezing my hand. "I didn't mean it like—"

"No." I shake my head. "It's ok." And it is. I understand. I know what it's like to be let down by your body—to have your mind completely present and still fall short, still struggle. I know how that can make you feel, what it can do to you.

"I'll help her." I say firmly. If I'm alive by next year. "I'll help her."

I look up as Violet approaches our table with Rhiannon, her stride faltering a little as her eyes flick down to where Liam's fingers are interlaced with mine. "Does Vi know?" I ask him, even as I disentangle our hands, waving my sister over.

"No." He replies. "It's not a secret, it's just not something I talk about much."

When my sister swings her leg over the bench, looking at us with confusion (and maybe a little upset) I smile slightly and say, "Liam was just telling me about his sister. She's sort of like us." My twin's face falls and she looks at Liam with sympathy.

"Really?" She whispers.

They begin to talk quietly between themselves, soft smiles on their faces and I turn to Rhiannon with a snicker. "And then there were two." I raise an eyebrow and she huffs a laugh.

Liam's elbow finds my side and I pretend it was more brutal than the gentle nudge it really was. "If I survive tomorrow, I want to hear more about Sloane." I tell him with a smile.

"When." Liam corrects, nudging me again. "When you survive."

"Ugh." I mutter. "If we're being confident, best leave it til after Threshing then, just in case." Violet snorts, covering her mouth with her hand.

"So where is Sloane, anyway?" I ask Liam, curious. "I know you said they separated you and you were at Tirvainne."

He makes a face. "She's in Ruel." He sighs. "Fostered with Duchess Gainsborough." I feel sympathy flare within me. That's Beaconshire Province, it's so close to here, really. Maybe only a few hours or so on a dragon. And yet, he can't even write to her.

Anger flares within me, hot and furious. They've kept him away from her for years and he won't even get to speak with her until she crosses the parapet, despite her being so close. He won't be able to give her any advice, any help...it just makes me so mad. It's not fair.

And poor Sloane. She's alone. Even if there are others fostered with her, or if the duke and duchess have children of their own, I'd bet any money they aren't disabled, they could never hope to understand—she's alone.

"I'm sorry." I tell him, pressing my leg into his. "I wish you could see her."

He visibly pushes the emotion back, mustering a sunny smile. "What's another few months in the scheme of things?"

"Yeah." I agree, trying to channel his positive outlook. "Not long at all."

💫     🐉      ⚔️     🔥      🖤

Presentation Day dawns and I wake up to Violet wrapped around me, her arms holding me tight in her sleep. She'd crossed over to my bunk the night before, whispering in my ear about an insane plan to scale the chimney. We'd schemed well into the night and now I'm regretting not getting a little more sleep.

I sigh softly, brushing her hair through my fingers. I went to see Winifred and Nolon last night before bed, just in case. None of us cried, though I came close. Win gripped my arms, whispering fiercely that I needed to focus on my movement and only my movement, letting everything else fall by the wayside.

As I lay here, with my sister in my arms and more friends than I've ever had to count on, I think even if I do go out today, it's not so bad.

Slowly, I build up my walls, grounding myself in the box inside my head. I lock the soft, malleable, feeling Remi Sorrengail up tight and and focus on bringing a dangerous warrior to the forefront—a confident woman, not to be messed with. They're two parts that make up the same whole, much like Xaden had implied, but only one of them is of use to me today.

When Violet wakes, we don't speak much. We help each other wrap all our joints, trying to keep them the most stable they can be, but still allow for some movement. All of the strength training I've done has helped a little, but I still don't know if I have the upper body strength I need. I suppose there's not much to do but try.

I secure my hair in a tight braided crown and tie my boots tight, feeling like it's parapet all over again. I guess it sort of is. We don't eat much for breakfast, just some fruit and soon formation is over and we're grouping together in our squads, headed for the Gauntlet.

I watch with narrowed eyes from my own section as Imogen says something to Violet. My sister raises her chin, glaring at her defiantly and I level my own stare on her from ten feet away, watching her flinch as she turns and catches my gaze. I don't react, I simply let my murderous glare do all the talking for me. She had better hope she wasn't saying something derogatory because if I find out about it after—

"Remi." Bodhi says, amusement in his tone. "Stop glaring at Imogen."

I turn my furious glare on him instead. "If she—"

He cuts me off with a wave of his hand. "If she did say anything, it's just words. Your sister is more than capable of handling herself." He raises an eyebrow and I concede his point, looking at the ground sulkily. "Besides," he continues, "you have better things to worry about today than her."

Ugh, don't remind me. Sage throws her arm over my shoulder, a grin on her face and gives Bodhi an irreverent salute. "Don't worry, executive officer." She smirks. "Rem's going to be just fine. More than fine, the next time she sees you." She wiggles her brows suggestively.

I blush, slapping at her. "Cut it out." I groan.

Bodhi grins, looking at me with amusement. "You haven't changed your mind, have you?" He asks.

"No." I say stubbornly, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Good." He smiles salaciously. "Get going." I remain standing where I am, tapping my foot irritably.

"What? That's it?" I ask, scowling at him. "I could die today and you're not even going to give me a hug?" I shake my head, a disappointed look on my face. "I really thought we were friends, Bodh." I tell him.

The false frown on my face breaks apart as he rolls his eyes, stepping forward to hug me. "Don't die." He murmurs and steps back just as fast, clapping his hands on Liam and Sage's shoulders respectively. "Don't let this one mouth off, she'll get roasted."

I gape, a little offended.

"Is singed fine?" Sage asks. "There's only so much we can do." I hear Morgan bark out a startled laugh behind us and I turn to glare at her too.

"No respect around here." I mutter, walking up to Ronan, waiting for him to lead us off. As our squad leader, he'll be taking us through, but as our section's executive officer, Bodhi's staying behind. Ciaran's already there with him, not one for talking, and Liam, Sage and Morgan file in behind me.

"Fourth Wing!" Xaden's voice calls. "Move out!" As we make our way to the tunnel, I notice we're one of the smaller squads. Violet's is still damn huge, but most of them have around six first-years left. She's in Flame Section, whose squads will be the first to go and are appropriately up further ahead. Tail section is last, so we have quite a while to wait before attempting it, which I'm not exactly stoked about.

We walk into the mage-lit dimness of the tunnel with only a few squads behind us and I swear for a moment, just one, I feel a shadow skitter across my arm. In a blink, it's gone and I'm left wondering if I made it up in my head.

When we emerge into the daylight, I stare up at the Gauntlet with trepidation, feeling anxiety build and build in my gut. An hour I have to wait before our wing finally begins their turn and in that time numerous cadets have fallen—screaming—to their deaths. Listening to them cry out is harrowing and I have to ground myself in my mindspace more than once.

In my mind's eye I have Brennan's blanket wrapped around my shoulders and I imagine it's his arms, holding me steady. "It's going to be ok." Sage whispers, her arm around my waist and I clear my throat, looking around at my squad.

"Sure. Of course." I nod.

When it's Violet's turn to go, Liam plasters himself to my other side, throwing his arm over my shoulder and we watch with bated breath. Rhiannon is already at the top, having nailed her run and Sawyer had joined her soon after.

"Come on, Vi." I murmur, watching her cross the buoy balls easily. I grip Liam's arm tight, trying to anchor myself as she hits the spinning posts of the staircase. There are people yelling things out from the cliff face above but I can't make out what they're saying clearly. Probably, it's not all nice words of encouragement. I'm sure I'll experience it myself soon enough.

I tense as my sister takes a few steps back from the chimney, grabbing the rope behind her just like we planned. "What's she doing?" Sage murmurs and I grin as Violet pulls it as tight as it can go and begins walking up the outside of the structure.

"That's it," I mumble, tense as anything. When she hits the top and pulls herself onto the path, tears fill my eyes. One more. Just one more.

"She can do it." Liam breathes.

When Violet runs at the ramp, flinging her arm forward and embedding her dagger in the wood, murmurs erupt all around us. People are whispering, wondering if she'll be disqualified and I pray to Zihnal that won't be the case. We'd worked through our argument the night before, like a logic puzzle with the codex, and hopefully it will pay off.

I watch as figures at the top clearly begin to argue. One I know instinctively is Xaden, the others, I can't tell from down here. It goes on for a while before it is seemingly settled—I hope in her favour. It's another half hour after that before it's our turn and by that time I'm shaking.

"Don't be afraid." Liam says kindly, hugging me tight. Ciaran's gone first, then Morgan. Liam will be next, then Sage and finally, I'll go last. I take a deep breath, trying to smile.

"Thanks, Liam." I tell him softly. "For everything."

Liam simply can't be human. No one is that nice and that skilled. He flies up the mountain, acing the course in just minutes. If our squad doesn't come dead last it will only be because of his and Sage's speed balancing out my weakness.

Sage follows him up, slightly slower but without pause—never flinching, never faltering. I don't believe in life after death, but if I did, I'd think her brother would be proud. Then it's my turn. I take a steadying breath, stretching out my limbs.

A pang of terror hits and I quickly ground my feet in the plush floor of my mind. "Gods, Brennan." I mutter to myself. "Please help me." I run.

My feet fly over the spinning log on the first ascent and I make it easily to the four granite pillars. I take them slowly, one at a time, steadying myself with my hands on the last one. The spinning wheel is next and I've done that so many times in our practice runs, it feels like a breeze. Then it's the buoy balls.

I steady myself, focusing my eyes on the chains hanging them down. I mentally distance myself from what I'm about to do, shoving my fear down through the imaginary valve. I jump to the first one, grasping the chain in my gloved hands. Slowly, carefully, I make my way from one to the next, moving past them and onto the switchback.

This is familiar ground and I roll my shoulders, taking a moment to pause. I can hear people yelling from above but I tune them out, trying not to take in any of their words. The start of the third ascent is the the metal rods and I dread the hand over hand movement I'm going to have to complete.

Taking a deep breath, I jump up, gripping the first rod tightly. My shoulders scream as I work my way along, every muscle in my arms crying out. I can feel them shaking already by the time I swing onto the second one and it's all I can do to keep from letting go.

I grip the bar tightly, swinging toward the third. I make it, just, and keep going along all the way to the end. By this point my face is screwed up in agony and my arms are begging me to just let go—but I can't. I have too many people depending on me. I have to do this.

I swing my body, working up enough movement to get the rod toward the next obstacle—the shaking pillars. I time my leap, letting go as the rod rocks toward them, keeping my eyes on the pillar where my feet should land. Maybe that's where I go wrong.

As I let go, my body flying toward the shaking pillar, my shoulder twists innocuously and with a sharp pop; it dislocates. I scream out, falling to my knees and then slipping, sliding almost off the side of the shaking pillar. I grasp desperately at it with one hand, the only one I can use currently as I try and wrap my legs around the vibrating pylon.

I whimper, desperately trying to regain my equilibrium. "Fuck, fuck, fuck." I mutter, tears springing to my eyes. I rise to my feet in a crouch, keeping one hand on the pillar and try not to let it jolt me. Carefully, I focus on its movement, pushing back the pain the way I always do.

Slowly, I toss my body onto the next one, leaping almost like a frog. I nearly fall backwards but manage to right myself at the last second, moving onto the next the same way. Finally, I throw my body onto the gravel path, wincing as I roll onto my arm.

I stop for a moment, panting, and think a silent apology toward my squadmates. Our time is so fucked. Groaning, I roll into a seated position and carefully feel my way around my shoulder. When I force it back into place, I let out a guttural scream—it feels like fire licking at my joint and I heave a dry sob.

Get up, Remi Sorrengail. I can hear Win's voice in my head. Get up.

Slowly, I clamber to my feet, facing the three-foot wide spinning logs that have been the subject of my nightmares for weeks. I let out a shaky breath. I've never attempted them. I have no idea if I can make it across and it's...it's so far down.

"Easy, Rem!" I hear Liam call down to me, reminding me of all the nights we spent with me up a tree, falling into his arms. I choke on a laugh, smiling despite myself. Don't think, just do. I run. My feet fly over the logs and I can feel the resistance working against me as they roll in opposing directions, threatening to roll me right off the mountainside. I try to barely place my foot down before leaping to the next and the next.

On the last log, the rotation gets the best of me and I fall. For a heart-stopping moment I think I'm about to face the same fate as Aurelie, but my leg has pushed with enough force to keep me moving forward, flying onto the gravel path. I roll along it, in the most ungraceful tumble ever, but I hardly care. I did it. I'm past them.

Two to go.

I look up at the chimney, it's diameter taunting me and my diminutive height. Shaking my head, I turn and go for the rope. "Cheating!" I hear someone call out from above, their voice outraged and I laugh and laugh and laugh. Who the fuck cares how we get up there? I'm not dying today.

"Fuck you!" I call back cheerfully, hoping that really is an affronted gasp I hear echoing down the mountain. I steady myself, gripping the rope tightly. As I start to climb, my shoulder burns and I slide down to the ground below.

"For fuck's sake." I curse, hanging my head. I take another breath and then another, waiting for a moment until I feel confident I can manage most of my body weight through my good arm. When I start to climb again, I try to make it as quick as possible, not wanting to get stuck with only one working limb down here.

I climb onto the gravel path and there's no smile on my face anymore, just serious focus. I've done this ramp before. I can do this, I know I can. I run, my legs pumping as I attempt to get enough speed up to force my way over. As I leap, my hands grasp the lip of the ramp and the same shoulder shifts, agony flaring as it dislocates again.

I let go immediately, sliding down and rolling toward the edge of the cliff just like I had that very first night with Bodhi. I scramble for purchase, face screwed up in pain as I force myself to a stop. There's a sob building in my chest and my mind is screaming, screaming to just give up, that I can't do this.

"Remi!" Violet calls and when I look up, she's crouching at the top of the ramp, staring down at me imploringly. "You've got this. Come on."

I slide to my knees, not daring to breathe as I feel my shoulder again, working to push it back into place. "You're good." She coaxes. "Come on."

I force it in, agony rolling through me still and I know Nolon's going to be beside himself. I've probably done more damage pushing it, but I have no other option—it's this or death. I climb to my feet, rolling the shoulder to try and settle it a little.

I feel like I'm going to be sick.

I peer up at the ramp, backing as far up as I possibly can, preparing myself to run. I think about all the angles, the way my body should be positioned, the physics of getting to the top—and I try again. I force myself to only focus on my legs, my quads and calf muscles pumping as I run and run and run, keeping my legs moving even after I grasp the lip of the ramp.

With one shaking, painful heave, taking most of my weight on my good arm, I pull myself up and over the edge, rolling onto the ground at the top of the mountainside. I did it. I scaled the Gauntlet.

Violet pulls me into her arms immediately, Sage and Liam crowding around as she hugs my top half where I lay sprawled on the ground. I close my eyes, wincing in pain and say, "please tell me you didn't get disqualified." I groan. "I did not do all that for nothing."

She laughs wetly and when I blink my eyes open I see hers are filled with tears. "Nope, we're both stuck here." I grin, closing my eyes for a moment, settling into her embrace.

"Graceful, Sorrengail." Xaden looms over us, clipboard in hand, and I chuckle, keeping my eyes closed.

"Charming as ever, Riorson." I retort, annoyed. He couldn't just let me have my moment?

I refuse to even look at him as Liam helps Violet pull me to my feet, still angry about how he'd spoken to me the morning before—the way it had made me feel. Sage shoulders Liam out of the way to hug me tight and abruptly I realise cadets up here are complaining too, about the use of the rope. What babies. "They're just mad they didn't think of it first." I say loud enough for them to hear.

A strawberry-blonde woman looks affronted and as she begins to march over, Violet and Rhiannon groan, giving me irritated looks. "Did you have to?" Rhi murmurs. Guess they know her then.

"Unbelievable. Not one, but two of you, cheating your way to Presentation." My eyes dart down to the patch on her jacket and I realise she's a wingleader.

"Sorry, who are you?" I say irreverently, though I am entirely serious. I have no idea who she is. Shows how much attention I pay to leadership around here outside of my own wing. Or anybody, really.

"Amber Mavis, wingleader for Third Wing." She says as if it should mean something to me. I really couldn't care less for authority figures, so it has no effect.

"She was screwing Dain last year," Rhiannon provides helpfully and I stifle a laugh.

"Oh. I could see that." I reply, grinning at the dark-skinned woman. "Tell me," I say to Amber, "did you have rules in bed?" She gasps, looking so affronted I fear she might pass out.

"How dare you?"

I snort, stepping away from her. "You just seem like the type." I tell her, a small grin growing on my lips. "There's nothing wrong with it," I say salaciously. "Who gave the orders though? Was it him, or you?" Her face heats and she levels me with a deadly glare. "Him, then." I deduce, knowing it couldn't be any other way, not with Dain.

"Remi." Violet scolds, but there's laughter in her voice. She turns to Mavis, a smile still pulling at her lips. "We've been over this—there's no right way to do the chimney."

The wingleader huffs and looks like she might start on some sort of tirade so I interrupt her, raising my voice. "If you have a problem with it, you can take it up with my mother." Silence.

"Gods." Violet mutters.

"What?" I say innocently. "Everyone hates us because of her—we may as well get some use out of her." Sage laughs, tossing an arm over my shoulder and that's that. No one dares to argue.

"Do you have to cause trouble every time?" Violet huffs and I hesitate for a moment, my heart sinking as I worry she's actually mad. Her eyes soften as they catch mine and she shakes her head, pulling me into a tight hug again.

"I'm so glad you're here." She says and my throat tightens. I blink back tears, trying not to let everyone see how much that means.

A day ago, hell an hour ago, I thought this would kill me, that I would be dead right now. But I'm not—I'm here and my sister is hugging me, telling me she's glad I'm around. I don't fully believe her, not yet—but it's something.

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There are apparently one hundred and sixty nine of us left by the time this year's run of the Gauntlet is complete and I quickly do the math. Almost seventy people will miss out on dragons this year, because only one hundred are willing to bond.

That doesn't account of course, for the people who the dragons will take out of the equation, both now and at Threshing. Nor does it account for the fact that some of those one hundred dragons might simply choose not to bond at all.

My exceptionally slow Gauntlet run has placed us twenty-ninth out of thirty-six squads for Presentation and I apologise profusely to everyone else. It's only the fact that Liam and Sage were the fastest of everyone that keeps us from being thirty-sixth.

"Don't worry about it," Morgan is the one to comfort me. "My dad says it doesn't matter what order you go in anyway." Her dad is probably right, based on what Xaden said yesterday, but I don't share that with them, I simply nod.

Violet's squad came in eleventh so they go through and return while we're still waiting. She, Rhiannon, Sawyer and Ridoc make a beeline for us, chattering animatedly about the dragons they'd seen.

"You're...short a few people." I say awkwardly, looking around and Sawyer stifles a laugh.

"Yeah, they took exception to Luca...and Pryor." Anxiety hits me then. I knew some people would die today, even after the Gauntlet—that the dragons use this procession to weed out the weakest of the lot—but somehow it hadn't sunk in until now, until Violet's squad—a squad that for all intents and purposes excelled—came back smaller than it left.

"You'll be fine." She says, nudging me. "Fair warning though, two of the greens really liked the vest." She whispers. "They can smell Teine."

"Oh." I reply, wide-eyed. "Ok."

"There's a feathertail in there!" Ridoc announces, much to our consternation.

"It's so cute." Violet says, keeping her voice quiet still. "It's small and golden, right at the end of the line." I wonder what it's doing here, whether it actually wants to bond or whether it's just curious. I'm not as polished as Violet with my knowledge on dragonkind, but from what I do know, feathertails rarely leave the vale.

"Alright, Second Squad, come on." Our section leader waves us away from Violet's team and up to the senior wingleader, Nyra. I grin, studying the spiked shoulder pads she favours up close—these ones are gold.

"Xaden's little angel!" She crows and my jaw drops a little.

"Uh, I wouldn't say—"

"Good to see you didn't bite the dust."

"Um, thanks." I blink slowly, mentally recategorising her as a shit-stirrer.

"Ok," she continues as if that conversation never happened. "You go in single file, down to the end and back. Talk to each other as you do." She says, her tone no-nonsense. "There's correlation between the level of chatter at presentation in a group and bonded cadets."

Technically, there's never been this few dragons lining up to bond, so I assume most cadets used to get a dragon, but that's here nor there. If she wants us to talk, I guess we can, I just don't think the data should be interpreted that way...not that I'm going to tell her that.

"Space yourselves out in case one of you gets scorched and abstain from eye contact if you value your life." She shrugs and then waves us forward. "Go on."

I'm glad I did all that extra study with Sage about each type of dragon because that was entirely unhelpful. Liam leads the way, with me behind him and then Sage. Morgan files in behind her and Ciaran takes up the rear.

We give each other the space recommended though I hope we won't need it. I really don't think my stomach can handle someone being burned to death before my eyes today, it's too much. I steel myself as we come across the first few dragons, towering above as at around twenty-five feet high.

There's three of them, all red and Liam looks up with interest, trying to see their tails. "Gods, they're huge up close." Sage marvels and I smile, shaking my head a little.

"Totally. Not as big as Sgaeyl though."

"I've never seen one as big as Sgaeyl." Liam calls back and Sage gives me a knowing look.

"You're so obsessed with her."

I grin, looking down at the ground. "Have you seen her?" I ask, turning back to look at her. "It's hard not to be. Her wings are magnificent—when the light hits the membranes and the colour filters through..."

Liam chuckles, looking over his shoulder. "Why do you say that like you've seen her apart from on Conscription Day?" We pass a few browns and then a couple of oranges.

"I have." I smile. "Yesterday."

Liam falters, pausing for a second before he remembers we're supposed to keep moving.

"Explain." Sage calls out and when I chance another glance over my shoulder there's a grin on her face.

"I called in my favour." I shrug. "I wanted to meet her."

Sage gapes. "Remi!" She protests. "You could have used that for anything! For something worthwhile like...I don't know, saving your life or something."

I frown as we pass by another pair of reds, then a brown. "I could have died today and then it would have been useless to me." I shrug. "It was worth it. Meeting her up close."

"Is this Riorson's dragon you're talking about?" Morgan calls up to us and I nod, walking backwards a moment so I can meet her eye.

"Yeah, it is."

Morgan eyes me speculatively. "They told us in Kaori's class she's ruthless and that if Riorson wasn't there we should probably run."

I snort, laughter escaping me. "I mean, isn't that most dragons?" I ask her. "And besides, he was there, so it was fine." A hot waft of air blows over me and I pause, my eyes widening.

"Remi..." Sage says nervously, looking off to my right. I turn my head, finding two giant, green snouts inches from my body.

A smile breaks out on my face and slowly, I pivot, keeping my eyes down. "Hi." I raise my hand, waiting to see if they'll move toward it. Sage lets out a strangled sound as if she can't quite believe I'm such an idiot and I laugh.

One by one, both of them nudge at me, their scales warm under my hand. "Violet told me you'd say hello." I talk to them. "You smell Teine, right?" They chuff in an interested kind of way. "I'm Remi." I take a deep breath and gently let my fingers rub at the scales of the one on the left, even though I know I shouldn't. Perhaps Sgaeyl's generosity gave me a false sense of security, but somehow I feel like they won't hurt me.

They nudge at my chest again, almost bowling me over and as I stumble, one chuffs in amusement. I recognise the sound from yesterday. "I know I'm small, but you don't have to laugh at me." I chide, shaking my head.

I wait patiently for them to be finished and when they finally are, I turn to Liam who's eyeing me with amusement. "If you're done making new friends..." He trails off, inclining his head toward the path.

I smile, stepping after him as we continue onward, risking one more glance back at the greens. One of them has a daggertail curled around their leg, the other I can't see well enough to tell. The dragons stare at us as we pass and I try to keep my head held high—to pretend I'm not in pain and tired and wanting to just go to bed for a week.

I hear screams ahead and I know another group must have just lost someone to dragon fire. I let out a heavy sigh, focusing on my feet. As much as I'd like to study every dragon closely, I know some of them would take offence to me meeting their eyes so it's better not to risk it. It's not as if it really matters, anyway. It's not like it's my choice to make.

"Any stand out to you so far?" I ask Sage, turning my head.

"Maybe one of the reds." She comments, moving closer. It seems she's not concerned about keeping the required space between us and I hope I don't manage to get her killed because of it. I'm still mildly terrified one of these fire-breathers is going to look down at me and find me wanting.

"Same." Liam comments from up ahead.

"Do they stand out like a feeling? Or just...you liked them?" I ask.

"Hard to say." Liam shrugs.

We make it to the end of the line and that's when I see her—a small, golden dragon. Violet was right. "You're the cutest thing I've ever seen." I can barely contain myself. "Holy fuck." Liam laughs, his head tilting back.

"It's so small." Sage comments and I eye it contemplatively. It's feathertail is whipping around its paws and when I glance down I realise it has no claws.

"Holy fuck." I whisper again, quieter this time. "Are you a baby?" It huffs, looking at me with an almost indignant expression—as indignant as a dragon can look anyway. "Oh." I take a step back. "Uh...sorry?" I offer, holding my hands up. "I didn't mean to offend you." I wince. Great job, Rem.

I eye it speculatively for another second, holding up our line as Liam turns to head back. Its snout swishes back and forth as it studies us. The little thing is probably only a few feet taller than I am. "Adorable," I whisper, a tiny grin on my face as I turn, following Liam back along the line.

"Why do you think it's so small?" Liam murmurs, looking back at me.

I sneak a few more glances back at it, the feathertail watching after us curiously. "I think it's a baby, but it didn't appreciate me saying so." I mutter.

"Babies never leave the Vale." He argues. "No human has ever seen a baby dragon."

I raise an eyebrow. "No human has ever seen a dragon that size before either." I say pointedly.

"You really think the other dragons would let a baby bond?" He asks.

"Maybe they're not bonding, maybe they were just curious." I suggest. "And just because it hasn't happened before, doesn't mean it never will." I tell him and he concedes my point.

"Maybe you should see if it will bond you?" He says, tilting his head to the side. "It doesn't look like it can carry a rider's weight. Maybe it's the way out you need." I'm not going to lie, I've already thought about it. If I can get the feathertail to bond with me, it means I'll get to survive Basgiath, without actually having to do anything in the air. And everyone knows feathertails abhor violence, so perhaps I would never have to step foot on a battlefield at all, even on the ground.

But regardless of what I want..."It doesn't work like that." I sigh. He knows it as well as I do. "They choose. And why would they choose me?" Why would any of them? They want to defend their home and I'm not capable of that, it wouldn't make sense for any of them to choose me.

"Rem." He chides, "save the self-deprecation for after we're away from the fire-breathing dragons, please."

I laugh a little, waving him along faster. "Hurry up then." We're past the halfway mark now on our return. A little further and we'll be out of the box canyon and I can get some rest.

I'm surprised when one of the greens from earlier steps forward again, almost as if it's waiting for me. "Rem..." Liam trails off. "You don't think...?"

I shake my head stubbornly, picking at my corset. "It's just Teine's scales. That's all." I say adamantly, even as one of them nudges at my side. He looks unconvinced but waits patiently while they sniff me again, before finally stepping back with a little chuff, sending us on our way.

We continue like that all the way to the end and I breathe a sigh of relief as we all make it out. When we're out of the box canyon I look up at the cloudless sky and say a silent prayer in thanks. I can't believe I'm alive. 

Chapter Text

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October first, I wake up in the infirmary. I’ve been here for three days, ever since Presentation Day. After Presentation I came straight here in order to have Nolon assess my arm—and to reassure he and Winifred that I was still alive of course.

I fell asleep almost immediately after and didn’t wake until lunchtime the next day. All of my limbs felt like they were made of lead and I hadn’t been able to get out of bed, let alone go to classes. I still don’t see why they need to run classes between Presentation and Threshing anyway, especially when the time period between them is so small.

Regardless, no professor has ever dared to come and drag me out of here—probably because they’d have to face Winifred’s wrath—so it’s become a safe haven where I can rest, and rest I did. I slept for a large chunk of those three days, the sheer exhaustion of Presentation Day overwhelming my body.

I’m over the worst of the crash now, but I still don’t feel a hundred percent. I’m sure if I look in the mirror there will be dark circles underneath my eyes, despite the fact that I’ve slept so much—the sleep wasn’t restful.

Anyway, it’s October first, which means I have little choice but to get out of bed—today is Threshing.

“I don’t care if you come back with a dragon or not, as long as you come back.” Winifred says, helping me braid my hair. She weaves in sharp blades instead of poisonous barbs and I wonder if there’s any way I can manage that in the future with my hands behind my head.

“The biggest threat to you might not even be the dragons.” She’s lecturing me. “Cadets use Threshing as an opportunity to take each other out all the time.” It’s something I already know, Brennan had said so in his journal.

“I’ll be careful, I promise.” Honestly, my plan isn’t exactly daring. I’m going to enter the canyon, find somewhere that looks easily defensible and bunker down. I just want to survive and I know what Win is telling me is true; there are dozens of cadets who are itching to take me out and this is their opportunity.

“If anyone comes after you—kill them.” A small laugh escapes my throat.

“Ok.” I agree, nodding amicably.

“Have you got the daggers I coated for you?” She double checks and I nod again. She’s been hard at work while I’ve been resting, going the extra mile for me as always, trying to raise my chances just a tiny bit higher.

While I was sleeping, Winifred took it upon herself to coat my daggers in a compound of venom and neurotoxin that in theory, should be strong enough to take down a dragon. While it’s not an ideal outcome, if a dragon does take exception to my presence, I’d like to have at least a fighting chance.

“And you’re—”

“Winifred.” Nolon speaks up from the end of my bed. “Let the poor girl breathe.” I smile a little. He bound my joints tightly for me this morning with a new black binding material. While it’s not as obvious as white bandages, it’s still very clear to everyone—as if it weren’t already—where my weaknesses are, but that can’t be helped. My arm should probably be in a sling, given the damage my shoulder has taken this week, but that’s not a possibility right now.

“Thanks, guys.” I say quietly, moving to hug them both. “I really appreciate all the help you’ve given me.”

Winifred looks at me wryly. “Why does it always sound like a goodbye with you, Remi Sorrengail?” Probably because I always think it will be, but instead of saying that I simply smile.

“I have to get going.” I tell them, leaning down to tighten my boots securely. I’ve eaten a small breakfast already, I’m armed to the teeth and then some, it really is time to go. I’ve done all I can and so have they.

“Be careful, Remi.” Nolon says, his hand lingering on my shoulder as I slip my gloves on.

“I will.” I breathe.

When I make my way up through the tunnel and into the gathering hall, I find everyone seated at the usual table, a few of them looking quite green. “Well aren’t you all a sorry sight.” Bodhi’s head snaps up and I lean my hip against the table next to him, heart softening at the look of relief he gives me.

“You good?” He asks and I’m brought back to the night after my challenge fight against Imogen all those weeks ago where he said almost the exact same thing.

“I’m fine.” I try to smile. “Just tired.” Always tired.

“I dropped by once, but Nolon said not to wake you.” I smile a little. That was sweet of him. I knew Violet had been by and Liam with her, but I hadn’t known Bodhi had been too.

“I knew you cared!” He rolls his eyes fondly.

I don’t bother sitting down, it’s almost time for us to go anyway. “You alright there, Riddle?” I ask, looking over at the young man who’s looking like he might puke.

“Are you not worried at all?” He asks, looking at me incredulously.

I shrug. “Not really.” Everyone stares. “What?” I ask, “technically everything that could happen today could have happened three days ago.” I tell them. “If a dragon didn’t want to burn you to a crisp then, why would it now?”

“What if one doesn’t pick us?” He asks. “Then we have to do this all over again!”

My eyebrows hit my hairline. “Maybe. Or we could just run away together to Poromiel, try our luck with the feathery kind.” I wiggle my brows.

“Don’t even joke.” His head hits the table and I grin.

“I like birds.”

Bodhi watches us with amusement.

“Dain tried to get me to run away again.” Violet says with a sigh, resting her chin in her palm. “Even after I managed to complete the Gauntlet, he still thinks I’m going to die here.”

I don’t want to argue with her, but it’s not out of the realm of possibility. “I’m kind of offended.” I joke instead, “even with one foot in the grave, Dan never tries to help me run away.”

Liam laughs. “You’d run away with him?”

I hit him in the shoulder. “Friendship rescinded, just for that disgusting insinuation.”

“He tried talking me into a brown.” Violet continues as though Liam and I had never spoken.

“He tried to get you to leave—he doesn’t get a vote.” Rhiannon makes a face and I high five her across the table.

“Anyway, shall we go?” I ask them. Most of the first-years have already left the Gathering Hall, there’s only a few smattered around now. As we all get up to follow suit, Bodhi nudges my hip with his.

“Don’t die.” He calls out, already walking away toward his cousin at the leadership table.

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” I call back. “Not while you still owe me!” When he looks over his shoulder, I wink. Sage snorts, covering her mouth with her hand and Liam groans.

“Did you have to remind us?” I look back at him innocently.

“What does Bodhi owe you for?” Violet asks, her brow furrowed in confusion and Sage descends into peels of laughter.

“The question isn’t what does he owe her for, it’s what does he owe her.” My friend says, tossing her arm over my shoulder. I bump her with my elbow aggressively.

“We’re just helping each other out.” I tell my sister suggestively, a tiny grin on my face.

“Wait, what?” Violet gapes. “You and Bodhi?”

“Well, not yet.” I laugh. “I haven’t had time.”

“I didn’t know you thought of him that way.” She says as we begin to exit the hall.

“I don’t.” I shrug. “We’re friends.” Violet should understand this—she might play at being the shy scribe but she’s had her fair share of dalliances outside of Basgiath. I take one last glance over my shoulder before we leave, but instead of locking eyes with Bodhi, I meet a hard, onyx gaze. Without so much as blinking in acknowledgment I swing my head back around and go.

💫     🐉     ⚔️      🔥      🖤

Hours have passed and I’m sitting up in a copse of trees on the northern end of the valley, leaning back against the trunk of one. I’m shielded by a few branches, full of fall foliage, so I’m not immediately noticeable to any other cadets and I suppose, maybe not to any dragons either—though they’d get a pretty good bird’s eye view.

I’ve seen a few of them—some reds, an orange and a brown—and hidden from every single one, not daring to move until they were out of sight. I know they’re not looking for me. A few dragons have taken off where I’ve been able to see them, soaring into the sky with riders on their backs. One hadn’t lasted very long—she’d fallen, screaming, to the forest floor with a crack. It was my worst nightmare in vivid colour.

The sun is warm on my face where the leaves don’t block it and I breathe deeply, closing my eyes for a minute. Professor Kaori had lectured us before coming in about listening to our hearts and all that rot, but I’d tuned him out for the most part. Everything he could say, he’d already said weeks ago.

Both Mira and Brennan had known which dragons were their bonded before they’d even walked into Threshing and despite what Xaden had said about his experience with Sgaeyl, I assume most riders also notice that same overwhelming feeling quite early.

There was only one dragon at Presentation I felt an immediate connection to and despite the ache in my chest wishing for me to try, to just seek them out and see, I don’t bother. They’re not going to want a rider like me. No. I’m better off biding my time.

I’d joked this morning about running off to Poromiel if I don’t bond today, but the truth is…I’ve been thinking about it. Not necessarily Poromiel specifically, just…running. Surely if I go as far as I possibly can away from here, my mother might not find me. There’s nowhere I can go with the same standard of medical care as Basgiath, but that’s just an unfortunate complication. Better to be sick and alive than dead in Basgiath because I wasn’t good enough.

I’m broken out of my musing by a flash of gold below me and my eyes widen as I glance down and see the feathertail looking up at me. “Um, hi.” I say hesitantly, staying on my branch. “Are you…bonding today?”

I guess I’m curious, but maybe a little hopeful too. I’d thought at Presentation if the feathertail wanted to bond, they’d be the logical choice for me to try for, but then I’d also thought—and still think—that they’re a baby, rather than a fully grown dragon.

It tilts its head, looking up at me. It doesn’t make any sound, not the soft chortling noises or amused huffs I’ve heard from both the greens and Sgaeyl before, just…silence.

“Not to, you know, talk myself up or anything…but we’d make a great team.” I try, a tiny, amused grin tugging at my lips. “I don’t even want to fly.” More silence.

“Ok then.” I sigh, leaning back into the trunk. “Suit yourself.”

I can’t lie, I am disappointed. The little golden dragon had almost seemed like the perfect match for me—almost like fate—but I suppose it’s just not meant to be. It lingers beneath my tree in the small clearing and I wonder if its waiting for something. It moves away toward the centre of the meadow, resting back on its haunches and I suppose maybe we’re both just passing the time in the sun.

My eyes close again, but only for a second because more rustling sounds from across the clearing. I squint down through the leaves and choke on a laugh as I see my sister stumble forward, one palm holding her upright against the trunk of a tree on the opposite side of the meadow. What is she doing?

“You have to get out of here! They’re going to kill you if you don’t leave!” She hisses, her voice so low I can barely hear, motioning with her hand at the little feathertail. My blood runs cold. “Yes!” She calls, “you! Goldie!” My head swivels back down and I find the feathertail looking over at her, blinking languidly. “Go! Run! Fly!” She calls desperately, shooing it again.

Just as I’m about to open my mouth and ask her what in the world is going on, I hear footsteps crunching on the leaves below me and my eyes dart down to find three men stalking out into the meadow. One of them is Jack Barlowe. I tense, not daring to breathe as they pass right underneath me. Another of them belongs to Violet’s squad and the third I don’t know.

Their weapons are drawn and my heart leaps into my throat as Violet takes a step out of the trees. Instead of running, she makes her way around the feathertail as if to defend it from the three of them. I draw two of my daggers, creeping down a few branches until I’m on the lowest I can be on before the foliage stops obscuring me.

“You can’t do this!” My sister calls, drawing their attention to her and I sigh heavily. I know it’s the right thing to do, but shit, she thinks it’s three on one and she’s still throwing herself headfirst into danger.

“Oh, look!” Jack grins, pointing his sword at her. “We can take out both the weakest links at the same time!” He looks at his friends and laughs. So they really are going to try and kill a dragon—what idiots. What kind of dragon will want to bond with someone who’s murdered one of their own? And one I’m convinced is a baby no less. I don’t know how people have so few observational skills that they can’t notice the subtle clues hinting at that. I mean, I’m happy to be proven wrong, but…

Jack begins to advance on Violet, an arrogant grin on his face. “Been waiting a long time for this, Sorrengail.” He says. “The only thing that would make this better is if your sister were here so I could take her out too.” Shows how clever he is.

“If you can fly, now would be a good time!” Violet ignores Jack, glancing over her shoulder at the feathertail. It has wings, Vi. Pretty sure it can fly. It didn’t walk here from the Vale. Still the little dragon goes nowhere, only chuffing. It makes me kind of annoyed with it actually.

“You can’t kill a dragon.” She turns back to the three men, trying to reason with them and I know before the words have even finished leaving her mouth that it’s a lost cause. There’s no reasoning with a man like Jack Barlowe.

“Sure we can.” He shrugs, like the sociopath he is. I watch them warily, waiting for an opening. I can probably hit two of them with my daggers from here. It might not be a kill shot, but it will take them down pretty fast, given they’re coated with enough poison to take down something much, much bigger.

Violet turns to one of the others, trying to convince them to turn on each other. It won’t work—if they’re hanging around Barlowe, they’re all just as spineless. I should have killed him on Conscription Day.

“Letting something so weak, so incapable of fighting, live—is against our beliefs!” Jack is shouting at her and I know instinctively he’s not just talking about the dragon.

“Not how the ecosystem works, dumbass.” I mutter to myself, poised to take him out.

“You’re going to have to get through me, then.” Vi says fiercely, pinching one of her daggers at the tip, ready to throw.

“I don’t really consider that a problem.” Jack snarls and the three men lift their swords, preparing to attack. Every cell in my body is telling me to act but I pause, waiting patiently to see which one my sister aims for, knowing I can hit the other two.

“I would strongly recommend you rethink your actions.” My head snaps to the side. Xaden is leaning against a tree, slightly closer to me and the three men than to Violet. His arms are crossed over his chest almost casually and behind him, watching with narrowed eyes, is Sgaeyl. She looks pissed. Her fangs are bared, her expression worlds away from what it was earlier in the week when I met her. How on earth did she land without me hearing anything?

I wait with bated breath to see what they’ll do, but the answer it seems, is nothing.

“And if we don’t want to rethink our actions?” Jack challenges, his voice raised.

Xaden looks toward Violet, jaw clenched. He can’t do anything, I realise. It’s against the rules for any of the older riders to interfere during Threshing. Unless he’s prepared to break the rules, his hands are tied. He’s not going to break them. I feel a flicker of disappointment at that. He told me once he promised not to kill Violet, not that he’d protect her and I know he meant it. But still…I’d hoped the right thing to do might win out.

Oh well. Who needs him. Backing Violet up is what I’m here for.

“There’s nothing you can do, right Wingleader?” Jack bellows, his words taunting and I make a face.

“If I don’t kill you, he’s sure as hell going to after that.” I mutter, shaking my head. Gods, Jack is dumb.

“It’s not me you should worry about today.” And it might seem to Jack and his friends that Xaden’s gaze is on them, but his eyes are just a fraction higher. Right. On. Me. Sgaeyl tilts her head, eyeing them menacingly.

“You’re really going to do this? Attack a squadmate?” Violet tries to appeal to one of them one last time but it’s to no avail. These guys don’t care for morality. “Guess that’s a no on the flying?” She tosses over her shoulder at the little gold dragon and it only chuffs again in response. At least that’s more than I got out of it.

“Great.” She says dryly. “Well if you can back me up with those claws, I’d really appreciate it.” I close my eyes, shaking my head. Vi, you’re meant to be observant. “Oh, fucking hell!” She cries, finally noticing. “You don’t even have any claws?” It’s. A. Baby.

She turns back to her opponents just as Jack roars a battle cry and within seconds the three of them are sprinting for her, swords raised. My sister buries a dagger in Barlowe’s shoulder and before his sword even hits the ground, my blades are flying forward, one landing in her squamate’s back, the other scraping the third guy’s neck.

“Shit,” I mutter, leaping from the tree without a second thought—thank you Liam. I roll to my feet, darting forward as Xaden calls, “aim could use some work, angel!” I fly across the leaf-strewn ground, tossing myself toward Barlowe where he’s fallen to his knees, grasping at his shoulder.

Before he even has a chance to pull Violet’s dagger free, I’m on him, wrenching his hair back in my fist and dragging my blade through his throat, just as I had the first would-be assassin in the citadel courtyard three weeks ago. Much like then, blood sprays up over my face and neck and I pant harshly, dropping Jack’s dead body to the ground.

I raise my eyes to Xaden’s defiantly, rising to my feet. “Fuck you.” If he’s not going to help, I don’t need his commentary.

Violet’s been fighting a two-sided battle against the others, but upon hearing Jack’s death rattle, one of them has turned back toward me. Violet takes full advantage and nails him in the temple with the handle of her blade, knocking him out. As she turns back to her second opponent, her squadmate, he manages to catch her along the arm with his sword, drawing blood.

Xaden makes an aborted step forward at the same time as I run, stepping over the other guy to try and land a hit on her assailant. I didn’t really need to. The dagger in his back has done its work and Violet watches on in confusion as he collapses to the ground, falling unconscious.

“What—” Before my sister can even voice her confusion, a mammoth black shape slams into the ground behind her, rattling the earth beneath our feet. I stumble back, staring up wide eyed as the biggest dragon I’ve ever seen lands within inches of her. It’s even bigger than Sgaeyl.

I quickly grasp Violet’s arm, tugging her toward me, stepping in front of her. Her hand tightens on my bicep and my heart leaps into my throat as I look up and up and up. We don’t even reach its damn ankle at our height. I keep pulling her back further and further even though I know there’s no safe distance from a dragon like that.

She steps out and around me, shaking my grip off and terror slams through me. “I can’t kill an unconscious man.” She says and my head whips toward her, but she’s not looking at me. Her eyes are fastened on the ridiculously massive black dragon, that’s tucking the little feathertail beneath its wing. “Well, that’s a statement on his character, not mine.”

I look from her, to the dragon and then finally back at Xaden and Sgaeyl. What the fuck? If this behemoth is talking to her then that means…

I gape.

“No way.” I breathe.

“No! I’m not asking that!” Violet protests and her head turns toward me. I glance between her and what I’m sure is her dragon a second time and put the pieces together. Swallowing harshly, I avoid my sister’s eyes, stalking past her to where her squadmate lies on the ground. I swipe my dagger across his throat quickly before moving toward the other cadet.

“Remi!” Violet calls, her tone upset and I bite my tongue hard enough to draw blood, feeling myself grow cold. It’s more of a mercy at this point anyway, given the neurotoxin flooding their veins. I execute the third cadet efficiently in the same way, before re-sheathing my dagger. I collect the first two I’d thrown from their bodies, stepping warily around the black dragon.

“You should go.” I tell her, nodding toward the dragon. “That’s your dragon, right? He chose you?” There’s a lump in my throat and I try not to let it show. My face, hair and chest is drenched in blood and when I look at her, her expression is more familiar than I’d like. Horrified.

A sharp beating of wings sounds to our side and I turn just in time to see Sgaeyl take to the air. I guess Xaden’s done with his witty commentary for the day. Bitterness unfurls in my chest and I cling to the familiar feeling, letting it harden my heart.

“Go.” I tell her. “Get back to the flight field and register. I’ll see you later.” She looks like she might protest and I shake my head, lips turning down sharply. I turn on my heel, moving to exit the clearing, but think better of it at the last minute.

Cursing my own inability to let things lie, I spin back toward them, snapping at the black dragon. “Hey!” I yell up to him—for I’m certain it’s a him—“If you let her fall, this will be you.” I point down at the dead bodies on the ground, clicking my fingers. “Got it?!”

He huffs in anger, steam rolling out of his nostrils and I lift my chin, glaring up at him in defiance. With one last, lingering glare, I turn on my heel and stride away.

💫      🐉      ⚔️      🔥     🖤

The sun is low in the sky. My skin is drenched in blood. Violet’s bonded with an incredibly powerful dragon. I had to kill our enemies and now we’re right back to square one with each other. This is getting old.

I try not to let any tears fall as I sit back against a tree trunk, on the ground this time, far away from where the dead bodies of Jack Barlowe and his friends no doubt remain. Silently, I make a promise to myself that when I walk out of here, I’m gone. As much as I appreciate Sage and Liam and even Bodhi, I can’t put myself through this again.

There’s only so much I can handle and having Violet tentatively start being my sister again, only to have her look at me like that once more…I can’t do it. Not again. I’m done. Poromiel is looking better and better.

I wrap my arms around myself, closing my eyes as the sun begins to disappear. What was it Kaori had said? If you weren’t out of here by nightfall, someone would come and get you? Guess I don’t have too much longer to wait.

I wonder if becoming a healer in one of the border areas like Draithus would make it too easy for mother to find me. It’s about the only career path I think I can excel at, besides maybe selling my art. Selling art won’t make much though and I’ll need coin if I’m going to get by on my own.

I tense up as a set of large claws come into view, followed by the sight of a green head dipping below the canopy of the trees. “Oh.” I whisper, looking skyward. “What are you still doing here?” I hate the way my voice shakes.

“Looking for you, obviously.”

I blink, my mouth falling open. “No you aren’t.” I deny, shaking my head immediately. “No.”

Its—her—enormous head comes down to nudge at me, just as it had three days ago. “I was.” My heart stutters in my chest.

“You don’t want me.” I tell her. “I’m not—” I focus my thoughts, trying to communicate the way she is. “I’m not a good choice.”

She chuffs a little in amusement. “It’s not up to you.”

My eyebrows hit my hairline. “I mean, it sort of is. You can’t make me climb up there.” She breathes hot air out into my face. “Look, you still have time to go and find someone else.” I tell her. “I’m not right for you.” For anyone.

“You’re going to make us late.” Is all she says.

I blink, growing frustrated. “I’m not a nice person.” I tell her. “Or strong. Or good at anything. I don’t even want to fly.” I clamber to my feet. “You need to find someone else.”

“No.”

I’m having a stare-off with a dragon. I’m in a stalemate with a dragon. “You are.” She says and I flinch, quickly moving to ground myself in the box inside my head. She huffs, her nose nudging at my chest and after a minute of silence, I realise I’ve blocked her out.

I back away from her, stepping to the side and just as I move to walk around her, her claws slice through the ground in front of me. She doesn’t like that at all. “Well I don’t like having someone in my head.” I retort aloud and before I can say anything further, her massive claws are lashing out towards me again and I’m screaming, flying through the air.

My stomach lurches into my throat and I feel like I might vomit. After a few seconds of free fall, my body hits hard, smooth scales and I grapple for purchase, scrambling to a stop a few feet from the smooth, scaly divot on her back that denotes the seat. Her wings begin to move and I quickly stop grounding, crying out in terror. “Stop, stop, stop!” My eyes are screwed shut and I let out a sob.

She pauses, wings extended out to either side and my hands shake as I grip at her scales. “Why are you scared?” I’m always scared.

“I told you, I don’t want to fly.” I say instead, tears welling in my eyes. “I don’t like heights.”

“I won’t let you fall.”

A glare down at her, slapping her scales harshly. “You just did!” My breath starts coming faster.

“I am sorry, Remi Sorrengail. I will not let you fall again, I promise.” My hands are shaking. My whole body is shaking. I don’t think I could hold on even if I wanted to.

“I’m scared.”

“Trust me.” She implores.

“It’s not that easy.”

“I would not have picked you if I did not think you were strong enough in all the ways that count.” I breathe out slowly, realising I really don’t have a choice.

“Ok.” I say quietly, still trembling. “Ok. But…please…don’t let me fall.” I beg. There’s barely any light left now and I know we’ll be the last to arrive in the training fields, not that I care.

Slowly, carefully, she rises into the sky, massive wings beating the air. “I can hold you in place with my power for now.” She reassures me. “But if we are ever to enter battle, I won’t be able to hold you and channel.” Honestly, I’d rather not enter battle, is that an option?

“Maybe.” She’s in my head again. “But I doubt it.”

“Great.” I sigh, closing my eyes. I can feel the way she’s holding me in place but the last thing I want is to see how high off the ground we are. “What’s your name?” I ask suddenly, realising she never gave it.

“Líadan, daughter of Caoilfhionn and Ainníleas, descended from the honourable Uaineloidsig line. But you can call me Lía, if you like.” Why does some of that sound so familiar to me? “Teine and I share a parent.” My eyes jolt open at that but I quickly shut them again.

“Is that why you chose me?”

“No.”

Before I can ask any more questions, Lía says, “We’re the last to arrive.” I open my eyes then, trying to quell my fear as she brings us down amongst two long lines of dragons in the training field. Mage lights illuminate the crowds of people, as well as the dragons who have probably been waiting a while. Violet’s dragon is immediately obvious, his large form taking up the centre of the field. There’s a dais set up off to the side and at the very top I spot an assortment of generals, including my mother and Melgren.

They’re having a heated debate amongst themselves and Lía says to me, “they’re discussing your sister.” Of course they are. “She bonded with Tairn and Andarna. They don’t want to let her, but it’s not up to them.” I freeze.

“What do you mean?” But I know. I know before I’ve even finished asking and she knows that too. I take a steadying breath, pushing down every last scrap of emotion in me. It’s too much. Too much, too much, too much.

“You need to tell the roll-keeper my name.” She says gently and guilt floods through me. “You don’t need to explain.” She continues. “I know.” And maybe she does, but I still feel awful about it. What kind of bonded rider does it make me? That I’m jealous of my sister, when Lía chose me and I fought her every step of the way.

“It’s ok to have feelings.” Not here, it’s not.

I swallow heavily, forcing my fingers to unclench from her pommel. She lowers herself a little toward the ground and I feel even worse. Dragons aren’t supposed to lower themselves for anyone. “I don’t care what they think.” I dismount gracefully, landing on my feet and head for the dais where the lot of them are still arguing.

My skin and hair is still caked in blood and I wait patiently while the roll-keeper listens to the generals’ debate. After a moment, I clear my throat, fed up. The redhead snaps her gaze back toward me and her eyes widen, taking in my appearance. “Remi Sorrengail.” I say, hearing conversation above us halt. “Líadan.”

“We didn’t think there was anyone left.” She tells me and I roll my eyes.

“I run on my own schedule.” With that, I turn on my heel and walk away, not sparing my mother so much as a glance. As far as I’m concerned, she’s dead to me.

“Now that we’re here, I have to go. The Empyrean are meeting to discuss it.” I nod to Lía, closing my eyes in assent. There’s already a handful of dragons halfway up the southernmost peak in the direction she’s headed, grouped together underneath the moonlight. One by one, more join them until all the dragons have left the field.

First-years swarm onto the grass then, and I find myself pacing toward the outskirts, trying to get away. A hand hooks around my arm and I’m pulled toward Sage, her eyes roving over my face. “Gods, Remi.” She chokes. “I thought—” She looks away.

I pull her into a hug, trying to force back the tears in my eyes. “Sage.” I can barely keep from crying.

“I know.” She says and when she pulls back, her eyes are full of tears. “I know.” She shakes her head. “Worst fucking day.”

“Is uh…Is Liam…?”

“He’s with Violet.” She nods and her eyes are fixated over my shoulder, past my head. At least he isn’t dead.

“I don’t want to be here.” I beg her. “I want to leave.”

“Me too.” I’ve never seen her so upset.

I grab her hand and pull, tugging her through the crowd until we’re at the edge of the field, cloaked in darkness. Slowly, I slide to the ground. She goes with me, curling into my side and I tuck her head into my neck. “What happened?”

“It’s stupid.” She murmurs.

“No it’s not.” I refute. “Whatever it is, if it’s upset you, it’s not stupid.” I stroke my hand over her hair.

“My brother’s dragon bonded again.” I suck in a sharp breath. “And I know they don’t usually bond relatives of their fallen riders…but Sgaeyl did.” She chokes on a sob. “And I feel selfish for being upset because I have Fionn and he’s great, but…”

I hold her tight. “I get it.” I shrug, feeling dejected. “Lía seems nice, but I…I’d secretly been hoping I could bond the feathertail so I wouldn’t have to ride and…”

“And Violet got her.” Sage finishes, a bitter laugh leaving her throat. “She got my brother’s dragon, too.” My eyes widen.

“That big black dragon was your brother’s?” I breathe, a little stunned.

She nods and when she speaks again, her voice is tight. “It’s been six years and he’s barely been seen, but he chose to bond again the year I’m here and I—and it’s not—” She chokes on a sob. “I don’t have anything of my brother and to know that there was a chance—a possibility but…but I wasn’t good enough…”

Tears escape my eyes then and I hold her close. “I’m sorry.”

She’s crying too. “I should…there’s more I should tell you about him but I—I can’t. I can’t today.”

I nod immediately. “It’s ok.” I soothe. “It’s—it’s ok.” But I still feel like nothing is ever going to be ok again.

Our solitude is interrupted by footsteps coming closer and when I look up, it’s Dain and Violet. I tense, pushing back further into the shadows, hoping they don’t see us. Maybe it’s mean, but I really can’t handle having to talk to Violet right now, especially given I have no clue where we stand.

“What the actual fuck happened out there?” Dain asks her. “Because I’ve got Cath telling me that not only did Tairn choose you, but so did the small one—Adarn?” His fingers wrap around Violet’s and I tense, cold fury roaring through me. She should know better.

“Andarna.” My sister corrects him, smiling.

“They’re going to make you choose.” Dain says with certainty and my eyes dart back and forth between them.

“I’m not choosing.” Violet says. “No human has ever chosen and I’m not about to be the first.”

“You are.” Dain’s composure falters. “You have to trust me. You do trust me, right?”

“Of course I do—“ My sister starts and I roll my eyes, glaring petulantly at them even if they can’t see it.

“Then you have to choose Andarna.” Dain cuts her off and Sage squeezes my hand, hers shaking. “The gold one is the safest choice of the two.”

Violet’s mouth opens and closes, as if she can’t quite understand what he’s saying. “I’m not choosing.” She repeats softly.

“You are.” He says, “and it has to be Andarna.” He grips her shoulders, leaning in with urgency in his tone. “I know she’s too small to bear a rider—”

“That hasn’t been tested.” Violet says defensively but anyone with eyes knows it’s true.

“And it doesn’t matter.” Dain continues, “It will mean that you won’t be able to ride with a wing, but they’ll probably make you a permanent instructor here like Kaori.” I bury my face in Sage’s hair. Everything he’s saying is true, it’s exactly the reason I thought to try for Andarna in the first place.

“That’s because his signet power makes him indispensable as a teacher, not because his dragon can’t fly.” Violet argues. “And even he had the requisite four years with a combat wing before he was put behind a desk.”

Dain looks away. “Even if you take Andarna into combat, there’s only a chance you’ll be killed. You take Tairn and Xaden will get you killed.” I jolt, looking at Sage with confused eyes. What does Xaden have to do with this? “You think Melgren is terrifying? I’ve been here for longer than you have, Vi. At least you know what you’re getting when it comes to Melgren. Xaden isn’t only twice as ruthless, but he’s dangerously unpredictable.”

Anger licks at my gut and I almost open my mouth to say something, even if it means drawing their attention to us, but when I finally do, Violet’s already responded. “Wait. What are you saying?”

Dain’s stern look never falters. “They’re a mated pair—Tairn and Sgaeyl. The strongest bonded pair in centuries.” All the air leaves my lungs and Sage turns, squeezing me so tightly it hurts. That means…Xaden and Violet…they won’t be separated for the rest of their lives. They’ll be stationed together, always. My deal with him was for nothing, because now he’ll protect her anyway—they’re practically partners.

My fingernails dig into the soil beneath us and I have to practice grounding before I break apart completely. Because despite myself, despite how damn stupid it was and how awful it made me feel at times, I don’t think it’s a secret that I kind of liked the wingleader. And now he’s hers too.

“Just…tell me how it happened.” Dain’s voice is soft and I want to punch him in the face. How does he think it happened? Tairn fucking chose her—that’s how it works! Her damn dragon chose her and then proceeded to request something of me that ruined our relationship all over again.

“Jack, Oren and Tynan wanted to kill Andarna.” Violet begins. “I couldn’t let that happen so I ran after her and tried to stop them.” Dain listens patiently. “Xaden was there with Sgaeyl and he warned them off but he couldn’t interfere.” She explains. “But then once they started attacking Remi was there and—” Violet stops.

“What did Remi do?” Dain’s brow furrows.

“She killed Jack Barlowe.” Sage looks up at me in shock. “And I had the other two unconscious.” Violet continues, “but then Tairn showed up and…he wanted me to finish them.” Her voice shakes. “I told him no, because I’m not like that.” Dain nods with what looks like approval. “So he told me to ask Remi to do it.”

Sage’s hand tightens on mine, almost painfully again.

“I didn’t ask. I would never,” Violet insists, “but she knew. And she…”

Dain frowns. “She killed them?” Violet nods her head and I know the look that crosses Dain’s face well—it’s distaste. He’s never liked me and killing someone while they’re down is too ruthless for his perfect morals. “You said Xaden was there when you defended Andarna,” he backtracks a little, “and then Tairn just…showed up?” He asks slowly.

“Yes. That’s what I just said.” Violet frowns. “What are you getting at?”

“Don’t you see what happened?” Even I don’t know what—oh. “What Xaden’s done?” Oh.

“Please, do tell me what it is you think I’ve done.” I jump a foot in the air, a silent yelp escaping me as I slap at Sage’s arm in shock. A shape emerges from the shadows next to us and Xaden steps out into the moonlight, darkness falling off him like a discarded veil. How fucking long has he been there? How much did he hear? What did he see?

My heart thuds with delayed terror and when I look up, he’s a few paces in front of us, his fist flexing subtly as he glares at Dain.

“You manipulated Threshing.” Dain’s hands drop from Violet’s shoulders and he put himself in between her and Xaden.

“Dain, that’s…”

“Is that an official accusation?” Xaden asks and I can’t see his expression but I imagine he’s looking at the squad leader like he’s a bug beneath his shoe.

“Did you step in?” Dain demands.

“Did I…what? See her outnumbered and already wounded? Did I think her bravery was as admirable as it was fucking reckless?”

“And I would do it again,” Violet raises her chin.

“Well-the-fuck-aware!” Xaden roars and I flinch. I’ve never seen him lose his temper like that—ever. And believe me, I’ve tried to draw it out of him. He’s silent for a moment, and then; “You’re asking the wrong question, Aetos. I didn’t need to step in. She’s lucky she has her own guardian angel for that.” I draw in a sharp breath, watching his fist flex again. “What you should be asking is if Sgaeyl saw it all, too.” Dain swallows and looks away.

“His mate told him.” Violet whispers, drawing Xaden’s attention to her.

“Sgaeyl’s never been a fan of bullies,” he says, “but don’t mistake it as an act of kindness towards you. She’s fond of the little dragon. Unfortunately, Tairn chose you all on his own.”

“Fuck.” Dain mutters.

“My thoughts exactly.” Xaden shakes his head. “You think I want to be chained to a Sorrengail? I didn’t do this.” Well that hurts. I rub at my chest, feeling bruised. The sound of whipping wings abruptly rends the night air. The dragons are flying back. They’ve made their decision.

“The dragons are returning.” Xaden says. “Get back into formation, squad leader."

When Dain’s turned and walked away, Xaden looks back to Violet, saying, “Stop putting so much faith in him. Knowing who to trust is the only thing that will keep you alive—keep us alive—not only in the quadrant, but after graduation.” After graduation. Because they’ll be tied together forever.

“There is no us.” Violet says as the ground begins to tremble from the force of a whole riot of dragons landing at once.

“Oh, I think you’ll find that’s no longer the case.” Xaden murmurs, gripping her arm to stop her from walking away. “Tairn’s bonds are so powerful, both to mate and rider, because he’s so powerful. Losing his last rider nearly killed him, which, in turn, nearly killed Sgaeyl. Mated pairs lives are—”

“Inter-dependant, I know that.” Violet interrupts him. I clutch Sage tightly at the mention of her brother, trying to offer whatever comfort I can.

“Each time a dragon chooses a rider, that bond is stronger than the last, which means that if you die, Violence, it sets off a chain of events that potentially ends with me dying, too.” I flinch at the sound of her nickname on his lips.

“So yeah, unfortunately for everyone involved, there’s now an us if the Empyrean lets Tairn’s choice stand. And now that Tairn is in play, that other cadets know he’s willing to bond…” He sighs in annoyance, looking away from her. “I wish you hadn’t pissed off your sister.” My heart clenches in my chest.

“I didn’t piss her off.” Violet protests indignantly.

“Trust me,” he says dryly. “You did.”

She’s quiet for a moment. “Is this why Tairn told me to stay with you? Because of the unbonded?” That’s what he’s implying. That anyone without a dragon will go after Violet now in order to try and get Tairn for themselves.

“Tairn is one of the strongest dragons on the Continent.” He says. “The vast power he channels is about to be yours. The next few months, the unbonded will try to kill a newly paired rider while the bond is weak, while they still have a chance of that dragon changing its mind and picking them so they’re not set back a full year. And for Tairn? They’ll do just about anything.” He sighs again.

“There are forty-one unbonded riders for which you are now target number one.” He holds up a single finger.

“And Tairn thinks you’ll play bodyguard.” Violet snorts. “Little does he know just how much you dislike me.”

“He knows exactly how much I value my own life,” Xaden retorts sharply, glancing down at her. “You’re freakishly calm for someone who just heard she’s about to be hunted.”

“It’s a typical Wednesday for me.” She shrugs, almost arrogantly. “And honestly, being hunted by forty one people is a lot less intimidating than constantly watching dark corners for you.” With that, Violet turns on her heel and storms back onto the field, headed for her dragon who’s landed with a resounding thud.

Xaden stares after her for a moment before turning, dropping his gaze to us where we sit in the grass as if the darkness isn’t there at all. He steps forward, crouching down in front of me. “I’m going to need you to watch—”

“No.” I interrupt him.

“No?” His brows arch up incredulously.

“No.” I repeat, monotone.

He blinks, studying my face. “You, Remi Sorrengail, aren’t going to protect—” I stand abruptly, looking down at him.

“No. I’m done.” I can’t muster up any emotion—not anger, not hurt. I just feel empty. “You can protect her. I’m done.” With that, I turn and walk away, Sage following close behind. I feel his eyes on my back the whole way.

Chapter Text

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Having Lía in my head is a strange experience. While our bond is still weak, in the early stages of forming, I can block her out completely and I do so often. I can feel her there, in the back of my mind, but I let only a sliver of her power through, not allowing her to read my thoughts.

As Nolon said months ago, bonding with a dragon means I’ve had to alter my mindspace—the box now having a small, circular opening at the side, almost like a window that I can seal or unseal to allow Lía in.

She’s not exactly stoked with the restriction, but I know she understands. I try hard to keep it sealed up tight when the overwhelming anguish threatens to drown me, not wanting her to have to feel the maelstrom of emotions raging inside me every day. Sadness, anger, jealousy, guilt—emptiness.

The best benefit of being a rider now is that I get my own room. Finally some damn privacy in this place. The first night after Threshing I think half the rooms are probably empty—newly minted riders celebrating their newfound privacy with each other. That first night I’m not alone either. Sage and I curl up together on top of the covers, staring at the ceiling.

Dawn comes too soon and I think I’ve barely slept, wired and drained at the same time from the previous day’s events. When we rise, we bathe and then dress in silence. I pull my hair up, but leave it hanging loose in a ponytail on top of my head, winding poisonous barbs into the base. It’s risky, leaving it open like that for anyone to grab, but I’m past the point of caring.

When I look in the mirror I recognise the girl I see and I hate it. Despite the extra muscle, despite the edgy riders clothing and the dark imprint of a dragon in flight now curling up most of my right arm, the girl I see in the mirror, when I look in her eyes; is the Remi Sorrengail from six years ago. I hate her.

“Are you ready?” Sage asks quietly, shouldering her rucksack. We’d taken rooms next to each other—my sister’s is a few doors down and Morgan’s is on my other side.

“No.” I reply honestly. “But what choice do we have?” She grips my hand, squeezing it tight.

“You’re my friend, Remi. No matter what.” I take a deep breath, squeezing back.

“I’m really glad you’re here.” I try to smile.

Together, we walk out into the hallway and I see Liam leaning against the wall, Violet next to him, whispering softly. I assume they’re waiting for someone and when they glance our way, I offer Liam a small smile, turning to head down to the rotunda at a faster pace than was probably casual.

I haven’t spoken to him since yesterday. He was with Violet after we all received our relics and I wasn’t interested in lingering. Sage and I made a beeline directly to the dormitories as soon as the pomp and fanfare was over. I’m happy for him, that he seems to be getting where he wants to go with Violet; but it makes me a little sad and more than a little bitter since it means I see a lot less of him.

Another couple walk out of a door on our left, holding hands and I sigh, moving around them quickly. We cross the rotunda, entering the gathering hall and take our trays, getting breakfast and searching for a table. I notice the stares. It feels like everyone is looking at me and when we finally find a table in the corner with some space, the cadets who are sitting there already, get up and move.

“Ok…?” Sage trails off, looking around incredulously. What was that about? I keep my face blank, trying to eat my breakfast as quickly as possible. People give our table a wide berth and though I wonder why, it suits me fine.

A few minutes later, Rhiannon is taking the seat across from me, beside Sage, Violet next to her and then Liam is sliding in next to me. My sister’s other squadmates, Ridoc and Sawyer join next and I stare at my plate, not wanting to look up at any of them.

“Hey.” Liam murmurs and I know he’s trying to catch my eye.

“Hi.” I say quietly, keeping them on my food. It’s not that I want to ignore Liam or make him feel bad, I just don’t have the energy to pretend I’m ok right now with my first ever friend in here being co-opted by my sister.

“You ok?”

“Fine.” I say firmly, finally meeting his eyes. “What kind of dragon did you end up bonding with?” I try not to let it show that I feel like we should have had this conversation last night—that we should have had any conversation after an experience like that.

“His name is Deigh.” Liam smiles. “He’s a Red Daggertail.” I knew he’d been looking at the reds on Presentation Day, I guess that feeling really was a pull toward one.

“Fionn’s a Red Scorpiontail.” Sage offers, giving him a small smile. Fionn’s relic is a beautiful red design up the back of her calf, reminiscent of a dragon spiralling into the air, flames expelling from its mouth.

“I have Lía. She’s a Green Daggertail.” I say quietly, knowing they can all see my dark green, almost black relic because it’s huge and without a jacket covering my entire arm, there’s no hiding it. I can see my sister looking up out of the corner of my eye but I keep mine trained firmly back on my plate, pushing my eggs around.

“I told you the greens liked you.” Liam smiles.

People continue skirting around our side of the table, giving it a wide berth, but at the other end, people are walking past, saying hello to Violet as if they’re friends. They might be, for all I know, but I’ve never seen them before.

“Hey Sorrengail,” a stocky girl says, smiling tightly as she walks past. Violet looks up and waves awkwardly, watching her go before she turns to whisper to Ridoc and Rhiannon, “she hasn’t spoken to me since I took one of her daggers in that challenge.”

There’s a flash of pink in my side vision and I tense as Imogen swings her leg over the bench, taking a seat on Liam’s other side; across from my twin. “It’s because you bonded Tairn.” She says, blowing her hair out of her face. “The morning after Threshing is always a clusterfuck. Power balance shifts and you, little Sorrengail, are now about to be the most powerful rider in the quadrant. Anyone with common sense is going to be scared of you.”

Her head turns toward me and she flinches—it’s small, but there. “And they’re already scared of her. They were before she returned from Threshing covered in blood, having killed a bunch of the strongest cadets before they could even try and bond.” Liam startles next to me and I wonder if Violet told him at all—I’d assumed she had.

That’s not really what happened—not the way she’s made it sound anyway, but I let it be. There’s no point arguing that Jack and his friends had their chance to bond and squandered it attacking my sister and a dragon—the end result is the same.

“So why are you sitting with us?” Rhiannon challenges, arching a brow at her. “Because I can count on one hand the number of nice words you’ve said to any of us.” She holds up a fist with no fingers raised. Well, she’s not wrong.

A blonde girl I’ve never seen before takes a seat next to Imogen and I begin to feel disgruntled. Who do these people think they are? They need to fuck off. We’re not friends. “You weren’t interesting enough to sit with before.” Imogen says airily and I smirk like a shark, baring my teeth at her.

“More like you were terrified you’d lose a limb if you sat here.” I interrupt, watching her go tense. “And with the mood I’m in, that’s still on the table, so watch yourself.” I snarl. She flinches back, gripping the muffin in her hand tightly.

“Remi.” Liam chides gently, as if he expects me to just get along with her. Another two people—older than us—that I don’t know, sit down at the end of the table and I grit my teeth, fed up. I quickly work on the sausages on my plate, wanting to get out of here sooner, rather than later.

“What’s your signet?” Rhiannon asks one of the older people who’s just sat down. Air rushes down the table, rattling glasses.

“That’s epic.” Ridoc’s eyes widen and I suppose it’s pretty useful. “How much air can you move?”

“None of your business.” The maybe-third-year snaps back and I figure it’s a lot. If you’re powerful enough with air manipulation you can change the tide of any battle, taking enemy gryphons to the ground with ease.

“Sorrengail,” Imogen speaks up again, looking to my sister. “After class is out today, you’re mine.”

Violet swallows, looking at her in surprise. “I’m sorry?”

“Meet me in the sparring gym.”

I see Liam frown. “We’re already working on her sparring—” Rhiannon starts, but is interrupted.

“Good. We can’t afford her to lose any challenges,” Imogen retorts, “but I’m going to help you with weights. We need to strengthen the muscles around your joints before challenges resume—that’s the only way you’ll survive.” Because Violet hasn’t really been fighting this whole time. That was the point of Xaden’s lesson all those weeks ago.

“And since when do you care about my survival?” Violet asks and I bark out a laugh, drawing everyone’s attention to me.

“Isn’t it obvious?” I say bitterly. “Riorson wants you alive. He’s ordered her to help you.” I risk a glance at the leadership table, accidentally catching his eye. He looks at me darkly, like I’m a puzzle he can’t quite understand—that he might tear apart to figure out. “He’s going to do whatever he can now to give you the upper hand—so get used to it.”

I get to my feet, not bothering to look at any of them. “See you in the field.” Sage and I leave together and as I shake off Liam’s hand on my arm, there’s a lump in my throat.

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Later that day, after I’ve been to see Winifred and Nolon to reassure them I’m alive and well, Sage and I enter the flight field. Our squads have been condensed; Third Squad of Tail section was dissolved completely, having only four members left and two first-year men, one second-year woman and a third-year woman, join our group without much fanfare.

Ciaran has bonded with a Brown Clubtail and Morgan; an Orange Scorpiontail, both of them also surviving Threshing intact, though Ciaran has a long scar down his cheek and Morgan, one on her arm, to show for it.

“Thank you,” I say to Lía, mind-to-mind. “For not scarring me like the others did.” Fionn hadn’t scarred Sage either, but Liam has a curved tear in his hand that may or may not leave a mark.

“I had no need.” Lía replies. “I was always going to mark you.” The relic that winds up my arm is a lot nicer than any scar could ever be. It’s covered now, by my newly issued leather jacket—flight leathers having been given out to all the riders after formation.

Her large, green body stands behind me, keeping the wind from blowing my hair into my face. When we’d approached the flight field, all the first-years’ dragons were waiting for their riders, lined up in front of Professor Kaori and his dragon; Smachd. Tairn sticks out like a sore thumb, towering over all the others, but I was surprised to see that Lía was actually quite tall herself. She’s larger than the average green, I just hadn’t been given a chance to notice yesterday when we’d flown in, in the dark.

I was also pleasantly surprised to find Fionn lined up next to her, as if they knew Sage and I needed each other today. Professor Kaori is saying we’re the smallest class of riders to date and I wonder why that is—are the dragons taking issue with the quality of cadets being presented to them? Or is it just that less dragons want to risk their life on the front lines? I almost expect Lía to answer my thoughts, but she remains silent.

“There are forty-one unbonded riders who would kill to be standing where you are,” Kaori says. “And your dragons know that your bond is at its weakest point right now, so if you fall, there’s a good chance your dragon might let you if it thinks the unbonded will be a better choice.” My heart starts to beat faster as I recall the sensation of plummeting through the air yesterday, not knowing if I would hit the ground with a crack.

“I won’t let you fall.” Lía whispers into my mind. “I promise, little one.” I make a face.

“I’m not little.” She chuffs, bending her neck to nudge at me with her nose.

“You are to me.” I am to pretty much everyone else too, but I won’t admit it.

“We’re going to mount, then follow a series of specific manoeuvres your dragons already know. Your orders are simple today. Stay in your seat,” Kaori finishes. Then he turns and breaks into a sprint, racing the dozen feet toward his dragon’s foreleg and making the vertical climb to mount.

I peer up at Lía, wondering if I can make it. It’s going to be a little embarrassing when I fail, sliding down to the ground like I did on the Gauntlet. All around us, people are doing the same mounting manoeuvre, easily scaling their dragons’ foreleg.

Sage turns to me in question. “Are you going to be ok with…?” She motions upward with her hand, toward the sky.

I take a deep breath, trying to steel myself. “No.” I answer honestly. “But I don’t have a choice.” I can’t get out of flight lessons forever, so there’s no point in trying to start now. She gives me a sharp nod, mounting Fionn with an ease that I envy.

Lía lowers herself a fraction and my heart sinks like a stone. She shouldn’t have to do that. She should have picked someone else. I back up so I have a longer run-up than anyone else and force my legs to push, flinging myself upward. It’s not graceful but I manage to clamber on, situating myself in the seat in front of her wings. I grip her pommel tight, closing my eyes.

“You’re going to hold me on, right?” I ask her, my heart thudding out of my chest. I blink my eyes open, watching as Kaori’s dragon launches into the sky and Tairn follows close behind. Dragons all around me follow suit, but Líadan stays put, waiting for me to be ready.

“I promise, I won’t let you fall. Even when we have to start practising without magic, if you fall—I’ll catch you.” She reassures me. “I don’t want another rider.”

I settle a little, trying to calm myself. “Are you ready?” Fionn takes off next to us and Lía follows suit. The wind makes my eyes tear up and my ponytail flies about behind me, taken by the air currents. I probably should have braided it. Her magic keeps me seated, holding me in place and I dare to pull at the flight goggles on my head, bringing them down over my eyes.

Lía follows the other dragons up out of the canyon and into the mountain range. “We’re going to dive.” She warns me. “Don’t panic.” She takes us down the face of one of the peaks, following after the other dragons and I squeeze my eyes shut, whimpering at the weightless feeling that rises in my stomach. I feel sick.

We climb back up, gaining altitude and to my horror, as we rise, the body of another rider falls, a scream escaping their lips as they plummet through the air and into the icy glacier below. Their dragon didn’t even attempt to catch them.

“Don’t worry. I’m not Gleann.” I don’t know which one Gleann is, but I pity whoever they chose. It’s hardly their fault they couldn’t hold on. Bitterness rises in my gut. If I’d been chosen by a dragon other than Lía; that would have been me.

I know I should probably practise. That I should at least try and hold on by myself, to see if I can free up Lía’s power for her, but I’m too scared. Petrified just by being up here, let alone having to suffer the manoeuvres Kaori and Smachd are putting us through.

My legs are stronger than my arms. Maybe one day I’ll be able to do it—to hold on—even if it’s just during simple flight, but today is not that day and I can’t stomach the thought of falling through the air, the glacier below rapidly rising up to meet me, even if Lía does manage to catch me before I splatter.

She pulls us out to the side, swirling casually around a Red to my right and I realise it’s Sage and Fionn. The red dragon huffs a little, his scorpiontail swishing in irritation as Lía twists around him, curving below his underbelly and back out again. I stifle a laugh. It looks like my dragon enjoys being annoying as much as I do.

We rise up above the clouds and I almost feel better here than I did down below. If I can’t see the ground, I worry less about what it will feel like crashing into it. When we swoop back down, I see Tairn up ahead and my heart stops for a moment as Violet slips, falling off his back. He grasps her quickly in his claws, tossing her back up in a mimicry of what Lía did to me at Threshing.

As I watch them, it happens again and again, and I understand my sister is forcing herself to try and stay on, to try and hold herself there of her own will. Because she’s not afraid of falling. Sourly, I lean down, resting my chest on Lía’s pommel and close my eyes.

“Let me know if we’re going to dive again.” I let the motion of her wings beating, rock me into a more relaxed state. Wrapping my arms around her pommel, I breathe deeply, trying to settle myself. I do this for the rest of the class, getting used to the floating sensation that comes with dragon flight. When I dismount, I reach up a hand, placing it on Lía’s maw, careful of the smaller spikes jutting out.

“Thank you.” I tell her, admiring the sweeping horns rising from her head. While Sgaeyl is stunning, Lía is beautiful too and I haven’t appreciated her enough.

“It’s ok. I like her too.” Lía’s tone is all amusement and its only then that it occurs to me that dragons have friends. And apparently mine is friends with the most intimidating female on the mountain.

“You should make up with her rider.” Lía tells me, still sounding amused. “He would make an excellent mate.” I blush bright red, shoving at her snout.

“Lía!” I protest, shaking my head. “It’s not like that!”

She chuffs, breathing hot air in my face. I cringe, sniffling a little, wishing I’d left my goggles on. “He’s not…available.” I tell her and I mean it both emotionally and literally, as much as it might disappoint me. “And he hates me.”

“No he doesn’t.” My dragon says knowingly, nudging me in the chest. “And he’s not taken, Sgaeyl said so.” I look at her with horror, completely mortified.

“You did not ask her.”

Lía blinks.

“Oh gods.” I shake my head, stumbling backward. How embarrassing. I’ll never be able to look at Sgaeyl again.

“Some males need a little more coaxing than others—” The green begins and I let out a strangled sound, grounding myself in the box inside my head, slamming the little window between my mind and hers, shut.

“I can’t with you.” I say aloud, glaring at her. “I’m going.” With a huff, I turn on my heel and stomp back towards the citadel, leaving an amused, chuffing dragon behind.

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Later that evening, I’m leaving the gathering hall alone after dinner, when I finally run into Bodhi. He’s walking with Xaden and Garrick, scaling the steps as I descend and when we lock eyes, he breaks out into a grin.

“Hello, rider.”

I press myself into his arms, burying my face in his neck. Nothing’s changed between us and a feeling of pure relief rolls through me. Tears gather in my eyes and I force them back, hugging him tight.

“Hey.” I reply and if my voice comes out a little croaky, that’s nobody else’s business.

“You want to train tonight?” He asks, tone casual and I nod, stepping back while still gripping his elbows.

“Yeah, that would be good.” I say quietly, intensely aware of Xaden and Garrick watching us from only a foot away. Bodhi looks over my shoulder, stiffening slightly and then frowns.

“Come on.” He waves a hand at his cousin and his executive officer. “I want to hear all about your dragon.” He throws his arm over my shoulder and pivots to walk with me, throwing one last glance over his own.

We head up the stairs toward the second-year dormitories and he says quietly, “are you ok?” I grit my teeth together and shake my head.

“Not really.”

His room is more spacious than mine and I guess it must be a second-year perk since Sage and I both have quite small rooms. At least we have a window each though, courtesy of leaving the Threshing celebrations early—some riders didn’t even get that.

“I heard what happened.” He says, pushing me toward his bed and I lie back, pulling out my high ponytail, rubbing at my irritated scalp.

“Which part?” I ask with a sigh.

“The part Xaden was there for.” Is his answer.

“So you know Violet’s once again horrified by my existence.” I say wryly. “And that once again she’s got everything possible to let her do whatever she wants in life and she’s not even grateful for it.” It comes out more bitter than I’d intended.

“Not to mention the most powerful rider in the quadrant as a protector, because she’s bound to him for life.” I continue, staring up at the ceiling. “And my first ever friend, because he’s practically in love with her, so of course he’s spending time with her.”

My throat tightens. “And that now I’m a dragon rider against my will, which means I have to spend most of my time hundreds of feet in the air, petrified I’m going to fall.”

I turn my head, meeting his eyes. He sits down beside me, his palm resting on my hip. “Remi…”

“You know what the really fucked up thing is?” I ask him, tears filling my eyes. “I’ve done the math. Recategorised my importance to everyone else in my head, and it puts her right at the top, without even a blink.” Tears roll down my cheeks.

“That’s not true.” Bodhi protests softly, but it is. I know it is.

“If you had to choose tomorrow, between letting me die and letting her die…you’d choose me.” I say with certainty, watching his face shutter. “I don’t blame you.” My voice shakes. “It’s not anyone’s fault. But Xaden…” I take a deep breath. “Xaden’s more important—to you, to Liam, to so many people.” I sniffle. “And if she dies—he dies.” I finish, looking away. “So no one’s choice is ever going to be me. Never has been, never will.”

The only person in the world with even a chance of choosing me is Sage and I love her more than words could ever express for that. “I’m sorry.” I tell Bodhi, trying not to cry. “I don’t—I’m not trying to make you feel bad. It just…sucks.” I finish, my lip trembling. I just want to be someone’s first choice—for once.

“Fuck.” Bodhi breathes and when I look up, his hand is covering his face.

“It’s ok.” I pull myself up, wrapping my arms around him. “It’s ok.” I let my head fall to his shoulder, my face pressing into his back. “It’s ok.” I repeat, almost as if hoping the more times I say it, the more likely it is to become true.

He shudders a little, turning in my arms. “I’m sorry.” He whispers, meeting my eyes and my heart breaks a little.

“So am I.”

He coaxes me back and we lie down together, holding each other close. After a few minutes of silence he says, “Xaden told me you bonded a green.”

I smile slightly, closing my eyes. “Lía. She’s a Green Daggertail.” I say quietly, a hint of pride in my voice. “She’s big. Not like Sgaeyl or Tairn—but big by regular standards.” I tell him. “She’s a handful though. She was annoying Fionn during flight training today, twirling around him, and she’s sassy as anything.”

Bodhi chuckles, his breath warm on my neck. “I can’t imagine why she wanted you, then.” He says sarcastically and I elbow him in the gut.

“She’s related to Teine. My sister’s dragon.” I divulge, checking my shielding is still in place. “I think maybe that’s why, even if she says it isn’t.”

Bodhi hums. “That’s interesting.” He says. “I don’t think they have any rules against siblings bonding within the same family unit, but I doubt it happens often.” I’d thought the same. “But if she told you that isn’t why she chose you, maybe you should consider believing her.” He chides. “There are a lot of things to like about you, Rem. You just don’t see them.”

My heart warms a little and I clutch at him. “I don’t think I can hold my seat.” I tell him quietly, keeping my eyes averted. “She’s been holding me in place with magic, but that can’t last forever and I—” I swallow harshly. “I’m terrified, Bodhi.”

Whatever magic Liam had managed to work with all those nights under the oak tree by the river, it’s restricted to moderate falls—heights of ten to fifteen feet, not plummeting from hundreds of feet in the air.

“Ok, so we’ll work on that.” He tells me. “In the gym, every night you can.” Probably every second night at best, but at least we don’t have to deal with challenges while our flying lessons are in the early stages. Gods, I’m not looking forward to going back to that.

“You know, everyone in the quadrant thinks you’re some kind of badass now.” Bodhi says with amusement and I make a face.

“People won’t even walk near me in the hallways anymore.” I tell him. I don’t get why at all, but I’m enjoying the personal space.

“Everyone’s heard about the three cadets that ended up with their throats slit.” He says dryly. “Including Jack Barlowe who was notoriously sadistic.” He laughs a little. “Add those three to the one who tried to kill you back in September and you’ve got a bit of a reputation now.”

A small smile creeps onto my lips. “It’s not like I’m the only one here who’s killed somebody.” I protest half-heartedly. “It’s Basgiath.”

He shrugs. “Maybe it’s more about the way it’s done though.” He says. “I mean, it’s pretty savage, Rem. Not that I’m complaining.” He better not be—they were all attempting to kill me at the time.

“So they all think I’m a ruthless bitch or something.” I huff out a laugh. “Great.” It kind of is, though. I hope it means that people think twice about bothering me, rather than bringing me more enemies.

“You are.” He says it like it’s a known quantity—like the sky is blue, the grass is green and I’m a ruthless bitch. “It’s not a bad thing, the way the world is going.” His voice is tight. “You’re a survivor, Remi.” He says, “you do what you have to, to stay alive and you don’t feel bad about it after.” This time it’s half-statement, half-order and I let it sink into my bones.

“Cuir says Lía’s fairly powerful in her own right.” He continues and I realise that must be his dragon’s name. I’d never asked. “It will be interesting to see what signet you get.” I look up at him, laughing slightly.

“I never asked what your signet is?”

He smiles. “Let’s just say my signet beats everyone else’s here—literally.” My brow furrows in confusion and he laughs. “I can counter signets.” He explains.

“Oh.” I tilt my head to the side. “I suppose that’s…handy?” I’m lying through my teeth. I can’t see any instance in which a bonded rider would need to fight other bonded riders, given that we’re not at war within Navarre. But then again…

“You’re thinking too hard.” He chastises. “It’s not that deep, Rem.”

My lips quirk up. “I mean, it is kind of important.” For me at least. I don’t expect to be much good at anything else, so a kick-ass signet would be helpful.  “I just hope I get something useful.” I sigh, collapsing back on the bed. “Like…I don’t know, teleportation or something.”

Bodhi pulls me back up, his hands on my shoulders. “Come on, we should go train.” My body protests at just the thought, but I follow him without complaint. “And I’ve never met anyone who could teleport before.” He says. “There’s a girl in our wing who can astral project though.”

I make a face. “See, that’s exactly the type of signet I don’t want.” I gripe. “It just seems so…useless.”

“Not entirely.” He argues, leading the way down to the rotunda. “It’s fantastic for infiltration and stealth missions.” I hadn’t thought of that. I don’t suppose the conflict with Poromiel requires many of those, though I’m certain now that there’s things I don’t know about what’s happening at our borders—things Bodhi has knowledge of. I brush it off, making a mental note to pry a little more another day.

“Not to be dramatic, but I want something that will actually make my life easier.” I tell him, walking side by side into the gym. It’s only once we enter the training gym that I remember Imogen had declared she’d be training my sister here tonight. They’re doing some of the exercises I usually do, guided by Liam, and I look away, glancing up at Bodhi uncertainly.

He leads me over to a different corner, where Garrick is working with another first-year, one with a rebellion relic, knowing I don’t want to deal with my sister tonight. I try to smile at them, just to be polite as we start a series of core exercises. I wonder if us entering the gym counts as a capitol offence—an act of sedition because there’s now four marked ones in here. I hope it doesn’t, we are spread out.

“Where’s Sage tonight?” Bodhi asks me and my lips curve up, just slightly.

“I’m not sure.” I say, trying to hold myself steady in a plank. “I left her with Rhiannon at dinner.” And gladly so. I really hope Rhiannon realises that Sage is a much better catch than Tara—not that I’m biased or anything.

“There better not be any slacking off now that you’re riders.” He says, like the grouchy executive officer he is and I stifle a laugh.

“Let her have one night.” I tell him, moving onto my side as I lower my voice, not wanting anyone else to overhear. “Yesterday was tough for her too.”

“She’s upset about Tairn?” He guesses, his voice just as quiet and I lose my balance, tumbling onto my stomach.

“Yeah.” I agree, looking at him suspiciously. “How did you know?” I think of Xaden, stepping out of the shadows beside us and my expression darkens.

Bodhi shrugs, shaking his curls out of his face as he begins a series of crunches. “I mean, everyone knows Tairn was Naolin’s dragon, it’s not—”

I gasp, shooting up to my knees. “What?”

Bodhi freezes mid-movement, turning his face toward me slowly. “You…didn’t know?” I think back to every conversation Sage and I have had about her brother—the way she’d said he died and when, how she’d told me the other night that there was more I should know about him but she wasn’t ready to talk about it.

My mouth hangs open and I blink at Bodhi, my mind still spinning, thinking over the shape of Sage’s eyes, the curl of her hair, the tone of her skin…her eye colour. “Remi.” Bodhi says quietly and I start breathing again, not having realised I’d stopped.

I gasp in air, my eyes unseeing as I picture Naolin in my mind’s eye as best I can—the way he’d looked when I met him seven years ago. He’d joked with Brennan about little sisters, about how troublesome we were. That little sister was Sage. Sage is Naolin’s sister.

“Remi.” Bodhi repeats quietly, gripping my arm.

“I didn’t know.” I whisper, meeting his eyes. “How didn’t I know?” Does everyone else know? Sage, my best friend…her brother had died trying to save mine. Because he loved him.

“I’m sure she has her reasons for not bringing it up,” Bodhi says cautiously, like he’s worried I might explode.

“I—I’m not mad.” I stutter. And it’s true. I’m a little hurt, but I’m not mad. I know instinctively why she never brought it up—it’s a hard topic for both of us—and I think she probably didn’t want me to wonder if that’s why she became my friend, out of some sense of duty or nostalgia. I know it isn’t.

It certainly adds another layer of complexity to her upset from Threshing, to the way she was so upset that Tairn had chosen Violet of all people over her. My heart aches. “Her brother died trying to save mine.” I say quietly, grasping at my chest. “He died for Brennan. She’s alone because—”

“She’s not alone.” Bodhi says quietly. “She has us.” He squeezes my hand. “And maybe it’s not the same, but it’s something.” We’re just a bunch of misfits, each of our lives ruined by the same stupid conflict our parents dragged us into, trying to survive.

“Naolin loved Brennan.” I say softly, a sad smile tugging at my lips. “They tell everyone he died because Brennan was a mender. Because he was a strategist, because he was a Sorrengail.” I shake my head. “He died trying to save him because he loved him. More than anything.”

“They were together?” Bodhi asks quietly and I nod.

“I don’t know if anyone else knew. It might have just been me.” I shrug. “Violet didn’t. But when Brennan had leave the final time, Naolin came too. He was…he was special, you know?” I keep talking. “He would light up whatever room he walked into. People talk about his siphoning, about how powerful he was, but really, his power was love. He loved so easily and unconditionally.” I laugh hoarsely. “Just like Sage, now that I think about it.”

Bodhi chuckles.

“I feel like a bit of an asshole.” I admit, a grimace on my face. “I should have known.”

He shrugs, going back to doing his crunches. “Have you ever considered that maybe she liked that you didn’t know?” He asks, picking up a rhythm again. I get back into the plank position, my brow furrowed. I suppose it’s not easy to feel like you have to live up to a reputation like that—I’d know.

“I guess.” I murmur, my arms shaking as I try and keep my core stable.

I know one thing, we have an…interesting conversation ahead of us.

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As it turns out, Bodhi was right.

“I’m sorry.” Sage apologises again, for what might be the tenth time this morning.

“I told you, it’s ok.” I laugh softly, throwing my arm over her shoulder. “I understand.” I pull her close, knocking her temple with mine as we walk side by side into the gathering hall.

“I just…left it too late.” She grimaces, “and then it got awkward the longer I didn’t say anything and I thought you’d hate me for not telling you…”

“Never.” I reassure her as we find Bodhi already sitting at a table, Liam beside him. There’s a brunette with a rebellion relic I vaguely recognise as being a third-year sitting across from them, talking animatedly.

Violet and her squad are following behind us from the flight field, their new members in tow as well. We might need a bigger table if they all want to sit here…or maybe I’ll just leave. I don’t really want to sit with them anyway, too much chatter.

When my sister snags the open spot next to Liam, I bite my tongue, moving around to Bodhi’s other side. There’s a flash of pink and Imogen darts in front of me, taking that seat with a smirk over her shoulder.

I exhale heavily, grinding my teeth together. “Bitch.” I say with barely any heat in it, rolling my eyes. I’m gratified by the tiny flicker of fear that enters her gaze as I glance down at her arm pointedly.

The new faces I don’t recognise from Violet’s squad stop awkwardly next to me, look down the table, and grimace. My sister waves them over to sit with the rest of her squad and I sigh, looking over my shoulder to find another table.

The new group remains silent for a second before the tallest one says, “I think we’ll just sit over here.” Motioning to the next table over. When I glance at their faces, I follow their gaze and realise they’re staring at Imogen and Bodhi. More specifically, Imogen’s bared rebellion relic on her arm.

Irritation flares and the temper I’ve had such good control of the last few months, rises to the surface.

“We’re not sitting with any traitors.” The shorter one says, “there shouldn’t even be four of you at the table.” She’s a blonde woman, with what would be a pretty face if it weren’t for the sneer on her lips. From the corner of my eye I see Imogen flinch and then grasp her fork so tightly her knuckles turn white. I wait to see if she says anything but she remains silent.

So does Bodhi, Liam and their new brunette friend across the table. I guess they’ve learnt the hard way when it’s worth it to stand up for themselves and when it’s not. It doesn’t sit right with me. Maybe there’s four of them here together, but it’s in the gathering hall; they’re hardly about to plot Navarre’s downfall right here where everyone can hear them.

My temper flares and my hand snaps out quicker than they can follow. I grasp the blonde girl by the back of her hair, wrenching my arm down painfully to slam her head into the table next to Imogen’s lunch. There’s a heavy thud and I pull my arm back, letting her drop to the floor.

The gathering hall goes silent.

“You can take her with you.” I turn a deadly stare on the first woman who’d spoken, the taller upperclassman. I nudge the blonde’s groaning body out of the way with my foot, swinging my leg over the bench to take the seat next to Imogen.

Casually, I pick up my apple, taking a bite out of it.

The tall one takes an aborted step forward, an outraged scowl on her face and I pause, looking back up at her, apple held aloft.

“Try me. I dare you.”

Slowly, she reaches down, helping her friend up by the back of her collar, and drags her from the hall. This new reputation has its perks. I hope Winifred asks who broke her face.

“Gods, Remi.” Liam mumbles despairingly, breaking the silence with a shake of his head and the brunette across the table from him starts grinning.

“Soleil.” She holds out her hand and I shake it firmly, giving her a tight smile.

“Remi Sorrengail.” I don’t dare look at my sister.

“Judicious application of force. I like it.” A grin tugs at my lips and I study her, taking in the dark hair and the edgy nose ring.

“Thanks.”

Violet stands up abruptly, finished with her lunch and I watch with cold eyes as she packs up her things, leaving with Rhiannon at her side. It’s quiet for a moment before Ridoc says, “awkward,” breaking the silence.

“What is up with you two?” Liam says in exasperation and I shoot him an annoyed glare.

“I don’t know, Liam. Why don’t you ask her? You spend a lot of time with her.” The table goes uncomfortably silent again.

Bodhi clears his throat. “What Remi means to say is; Violet hasn’t spoken to her since she killed their assailants during Threshing.”

I stare angrily down at the table, resting my cheek in my palm.

“Were they…unconscious?” Sawyer asks reluctantly, wilting as I look up at him. “It’s just…that’s what I heard.”

I glare at him, gritting my teeth. “The thing about unconscious people is they don’t stay unconscious. Eventually they just get up to try again.” Most of them look uncomfortable at that. “Everyone at this table would protect Violet if push comes to shove.” I say bitterly. “Well welcome to the real world—that’s what it looks like when you eliminate a threat.”

“It’s pretty brutal, Rem.” Liam says quietly.

“Life’s pretty brutal, Liam. You know that better than anybody.” I stand, swinging my rucksack over my shoulders. “If you have an issue with three sadistic assholes’ throats getting slit, take it up with Tairn, it was his suggestion. I don’t see Violet struggling to look at him.”

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After fighting with Liam at lunch I made the decision to skip history class, going back to the empty flight field instead. I’m leaning back against Lía's side, tucked beneath her wing as I draw. I have graphite this time, rather than charcoals, because I’ve run out of the latter. It’s not my favourite medium—in fact, I hate it—but there’s not much I can do while I’m stuck in Basgiath.

“Incoming.” Lía says, her voice sounding amused and I huff, wiping my tearstained cheeks with my hands.

“I’m not in the mood to talk to anyone right now.” I tell her and think, don’t you dare lift that wing.

“I don’t think he’s going anywhere.” She chortles and I sigh in defeat, expecting to find Bodhi waiting to check on me as I stick my head out, squinting into the sunlight.

“Lía!” I chastise, feeling disgruntled. Standing in front of me, arms crossed and legs apart like the demanding asshole he is, is Xaden Riorson. I duck back under her wing, retaking my place against her side, content to ignore him until he goes away.

Lía shifts just slightly, her wing flaring out a little to accomodate him as he steps after me and I gape, looking up at her furiously. “Lía!” I yell aloud. “Anyone else’s dragon would have scorched him!” No one else would dare have the audacity to get so close to someone else’s dragon when their rider clearly didn’t want them there.

“I need a minute.”

“I’m not in the mood.” I reply, looking back down at my sketchbook. There’s only so many things he could want and I’d bet everything I own that he’s here to convince me to protect my sister. My hair falls loose down over my shoulders and I use it to try and hide my face.

“I can see that.” He has the audacity to crouch down in front of me and tug my sketchbook down. “I think everyone saw that.”

I bat his hand away, trying to still the trembling of my lower lip as I glare up at him. “And yet, you’re still here.” I hate the way my voice shakes. “Go on then, which is it? Liam or Violet?” I spit venomously.

He arches a brow.

“Come on,” I scoff. “You’re either here to tell me off for fighting with Liam or to try and convince me to spend all my waking hours protecting my sister. Probably both. It’s not hard to figure out.” I lift my chin. There’s no other reason he’d spare a single thought on me. “You’re wasting your time.”

“I’m not.” He says with certainty, reaching out to brush my hair back off my cheek. I rear back into Lía’s side, face crumpling.

“Don’t.” He doesn’t get to touch me like that. “I told you I was done and I meant it. Violet has you, Sgaeyl and Tairn, Andarna, Liam, her squad, all the marked ones—she’s fine.” I say bitterly, “so don’t you dare come down here trying to make me feel guilty enough to give up whatever scrap of me is left; for her—for you.”

I draw in a shaky breath, trying not to cry. “I have nothing left.”

“I don’t see a woman with nothing left.” He says, his finger tipping my chin back up. “I see loyalty and strength and ferocity. I see a dragon rider. I see a ruthless woman who’ll threaten anyone that looks at her wrong—who slit the throat of a man twice her size and looked up through the blood spray to cuss at me.”

I don’t feel like any of those things anymore.

“It hurts.” More than any broken bone or dislocated joint.

“Are you giving up then?” He asks. “You’re just going to go quietly into the dark? Take Lía down with you?” I recoil at that and for the first time I really consider that our lives are intertwined, that if I can’t keep going, it might mean Lía dies too.

“No.” I whisper.

“I didn’t come up here about Violet.” He admits, cautiously lowering himself to the ground beside me. “Honestly, I don’t need to ask you to protect her, you’re going to do it anyway, regardless.” He says knowingly and I hate him for it, just a little. I hate him because he’s right. My sister can’t stand me and if anyone dared to touch her, I’d eviscerate them.

“Liam, then.”

His arm brushes mine and shoulder to shoulder, I still feel like he dwarfs me. “No.” He answers and my brow furrows in confusion. “You slammed a girl’s head into a lunch table for being bigoted.” He says dryly, “even knowing it would make things worse for you with your sister.”

My face heats up. “I lost my temper.” I say softly, embarrassed.

He snorts. “How rare.”

My mouth falls open and I jab my elbow into his ribs. “Asshole.” He doesn’t even make a sound. Does he not have organs in there for me to bruise?

“In any case, I appreciate you defending my people. It doesn’t look good for us if we stand up for ourselves.” I grimace. Yeah, that’s the impression I was getting. The way he says ‘my people’ though—it hurts my heart. I hate that a majority of Navarre still treat them so badly, for something their parents did years ago, that they cannot think of themselves as a part of us.

It’s quiet for a moment and to break the silence I ask, “I don’t suppose you want to owe me a favour for doing so?” I smile hopefully, looking up at him with a raised eyebrow.

He looks down at me and smirks. “Not a chance.”

That smirk—I groan inwardly. He’s stupidly, ridiculously gorgeous. Gods, I want to kiss him.

“Do it.”

“Lía!”

I must make some kind of face because he frowns in confusion, smirk faltering.

I clear my throat. “Sorry, dragon commentary.” I say, feeling a blush heat my cheeks. “Um…” I regain my train of thought. “Anyway, I was going to say, my brother used to always say ‘strong people stand up for themselves, but stronger people—”

“Stand up for others.” He finishes and I blink in confusion.

“Uh…yeah.” I laugh, a little shocked. “You’ve heard it before?” He nods, an almost far-away look in his eye. “I’m more selfish than him,” I say softly. “But sometimes I try—”

“You’re not.” He interrupts, his fingertips rising to my cheek. And when he speaks next, there’s a bite to his tone. “You’re not more selfish than him.” He cups my face in his hand. “Don’t compare yourself to him.”

I blink in surprise, staring up at him in wonder. His eyes soften and he drops his hand, jaw tightening as he grits his teeth. I study him carefully, not sure what I’m looking for—maybe an explanation, a reason for him to feel so strongly about this. Whatever it is, I don’t find it.

“My dad used to say we should always try and do the right thing.” He says quietly, voice almost inaudible and I breathe in sharply, freezing in place. “No matter how hard it is. He would say he was a warrior and it’s the way of the warrior to fight superior odds.”

That doesn’t match up with anything I know about Fen Riorson or the rebellion. But then, I didn’t know him and I’d been the one to tell Sage months ago that I suspected there was more to the story than Navarre’s history has told.

Xaden doesn’t speak further and I realise he’s waiting for me to say something. To fight him on it, probably. “I like that.” I say instead and he relaxes slightly. “I just wish life didn’t try so hard to make warriors out of us.”

He smiles a little. “Someone has to be.”

I snort. “Yeah, like…someone else?” He laughs, his head tipping back into Lía’s side. It’s the first real laugh I’ve ever seen on him and a sliver of pride unfurls in my gut. I did that. For just a moment, I made him genuinely happy.

“Was he…was he a good dad?”

“The best.”

His hand comes up again and he hesitates, leaving his fingers hovering about an inch from my crown. “Am I about to get poisoned?” He asks wryly and I shake my head, leaning in slightly as he gently cards his fingers through my hair.

One day I’ll find out why he’s so obsessed with it, but until then, I’m simply going to enjoy it. 

Chapter Text

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“There’s been an attack at a village an hours flight north of Shepley. At approximately 00:30 yesterday morning, our wards were breached and a drift of Braevi gryphons ransacked the town.” Professor Devera is lecturing, mage lights glowing over the Continent map on the wall.

“We lost a rider in the conflict.” I bite my lip. Riders seem to be dying with more and more frequency during these attacks on the border villages. The gryphon riders seem to be getting more and more vicious as time passes and I assume they’re becoming desperate—desperate to find whatever it is they’re looking for.

I don’t bother raising my voice in Battle Brief anymore. There’s no question I have that they will actually answer, so there’s no point in saying anything. Liam is whittling away next to me, having decided after a few months that he doesn’t care if he gets caught woodworking in class instead of taking notes.

He’s such a star student the professors probably couldn’t care less what he does with his hands during their lectures—they all know he’s going to be an exceptional rider regardless, an asset to whatever wing he’s stationed with.

We’ve been training together every couple of nights, though it puts me in close proximity to Violet. It’s funny, the silence between us is different this time, in that we’re both pretending it’s not there. I’m polite to her, I’ll greet her and farewell her, rather than ignoring her existence, but we never speak about anything of value. She’s tried once, but I won’t let her close. Not again. It hurts too much.

Liam hovers between us, wavering in his resolution to remain my friend as he’d promised and the clear affection he holds for my twin, wanting to be by her side always. It’s hard. Bodhi and Sage ease the tension and their quiet presence along with sometimes Morgan, Ciaran and Soleil—means I’m thankfully not often put in a position where it’s just the three of us and his attention feels like a clear choice.

When we leave Battle Brief, headed for lunch, he pulls me aside, tilting his head toward the courtyard. I follow him out, ignoring Violet’s curious gaze as we step out of the rotunda and into the sun.

“I have something for you.” He says, stepping to the side so he can lean back against the exterior wall. I raise an eyebrow in question. It’s…awkward between us and I hate that. He opens my palm, pressing a small, intricately carved wooden dagger into it. I run my fingers over the smooth, light-grain timber, marvelling at the detail. There’s a small, circular hole at the very top of the hilt and I run my thumbnail over it.

“It’s beautiful.” I say softly, studying the light-to-dark wave of colour in the blade. It’s probably only the length and width of my pinky finger.

“There’s a hole in case you wanted to wear it. Like a necklace.” I bite the inside of my lip, closing my fist around it. “It’s from our oak tree.” He says softly and I draw in a shaky breath. Our oak tree—because what was once Violet’s tree, that she dragged me to one summers night looking for berries—became ours, where I spent countless hours learning to trust him, letting him catch me.

“I know it’s been hard, still.” He says, watching me. “I want you to know that even if I’m not standing next to you, I’m still with you. You’re still my friend.” My eyes burn, tears gathering as I look back up at him. I don’t deserve him.

“W-why a dagger?” Is that how he sees me now? All sharp edges and deadly intent?

He smiles softly. "Because any time you have to use your own daggers, I want you to know that it won’t change anything between us. I’ll still care.”

I throw my arms around him, burying my face in his neck. It was exactly what I needed to hear. “Don’t cry.” He laughs, hugging me back and I make an annoyed sound in my throat.

“I’m not crying.” I might be.

“I know it’s been hard, that Violet doesn’t understand.” He pulls back to look at me. “But one day she will. One day she’ll appreciate that someone has to make the difficult choices and she’ll appreciate that you did it for her—that you took on that burden.”

I swallow, drawing in another shaky breath.

“How do you know?”

He shrugs. “It’s what Xaden did for me. For all of us.”

“I’m not like Xaden.” I refute. “He’s so…so strong. So in control.” I feel like I have none.

“He wasn’t always.” Liam says quietly, looking away. “Not when…not after. But he pulled himself up because someone had to do it. Someone had to do right by all of us when no one else would.” He turns back to me, smiling a little. “I think it’s why he likes you—he sees the same strength in you, the same struggle.”

I want to tell him that Xaden doesn’t like me, that I’m barely a blip on his radar, but I can’t. If I push my self-deprecation to the side, I don’t know what it is, but I can’t deny there’s tension between us, some kind of pull. I’ve just been certain I’m the only one feeling it. Liam’s words cause a tiny thread of hope to unfurl in my chest. It’s a dangerous feeling.

“They wanted to kill us too—did you know that?” Liam speaks suddenly, his voice so low I almost can’t hear him. I nearly ask ‘who?’ but I know. Of course I know. “Xaden, he…he made a deal with them.” Liam’s voice is hesitant, like he’s not sure he should be saying anything at all. “He took responsibility for us instead—all of us.” I suck in a sharp breath. “If any of us rebel, if any of us are caught doing the wrong thing…he dies.”

Any of them? That’s…there were over one hundred children marked by Codagh after the rebellion was stopped. “All of you?” I whisper.

“One hundred and seven.” Liam says. “Well…eighty five now.” I close my eyes. Two and a half years and they’ve already lost twenty two of them to the quadrant.

“For the first year or two after, he was so…so angry.” Liam says. “Just like you.” But Xaden had locked it down, decided to get things done because he had to—because no one else would. He’d taught Liam to fight, nurtured him as a brother until he was strong enough to survive Basgiath and beyond, and now he was here doing the same for the rest of them.

I appreciate you defending my people.

“So now you know. Why we’re all so dedicated to him.” I do.

I walk back to the gathering hall, tucked into Liam’s side. Later that night I manage to find some thin, black cord and string the dagger through, securing it around my neck and tucking it into my leathers. It rests just above my heart.

💫      🐉      ⚔️      🔥      🖤

“So.” Sage slips into my room a week later, closing the door behind her. “I might have done something…ill advised.”

My lips quirk up and I raise an eyebrow, beckoning her closer. “Do tell.” I do love it when it’s someone else doing something stupid and not me.

“You know how my duty assignment is in the Scribe Quadrant?” She asks and I nod, watching her slip a piece of parchment from her pocket. “Well, I’ve been thinking for months about what you said to me, about the Tyrrish rebellion?” My eyes widen.

It’s been a few weeks now since that day in the flight field where Xaden spoke to me about his father. I hadn’t mentioned any of it to Sage, mostly because it would feel like a violation of the trust he’d given me, but I have been on the lookout for any late night excursions from the older marked ones—that she did know about. Honestly it’s getting to the point where I’m considering confronting Bodhi about it, just to see if he’ll answer me.

“So I thought I’d do some digging.” Sage holds out the parchment to me with a flourish. “I think you were right.”

In his last days of interrogation, Fen Riorson lost touch with reality, railing against the kingdom of Navarre. He accused King Tauri, and all who came before him, of a conspiracy so vast, so unspeakable, that it does not bear repeating by this historian. The execution was swift and merciful for a madman who cost untold lives.

“Where did you get this?” I murmur, my eyes flitting across the careful calligraphy.

“Markham’s office. He had a book open on his desk—his book.”

My eyes shoot back up to her, widening in shock. “Sage!” I hiss, chastising her. “What if you’d gotten caught?”

“I didn’t.” She shrugs. “I mean, at one point I thought one of the cadets was going to see me, but she didn’t and I managed to slip out.” I shake my head, closing my eyes. “It’s weird though, right?” She continues. “Either Xaden’s dad really was crazy, or you were right and this whole thing is one massive conspiracy.”

“How can it be, though?” I wonder. “How can they fool an entire continent?”

Sage shrugs. “What was it they told us about the importance of scribes that first day in Battle Brief?” She asks. “I mean, you tell me—your dad was one, right?” She looks at me questioningly. “Could the scribes have known and recorded history…differently?” She says delicately.

I think about it for a moment. “Yes.” I say with certainty. This is command’s sandbox. “But the Battle of Aretia was only six years ago.” I argue. “If what they claim happened, didn’t happen, people would know.”

“Maybe they do—it’s not as if we live anywhere near the southern border.” She suggests and my world spins.

“The borders.” I say softly, looking up at her. “It has something to do with the wards, I’m sure of it.” All of the attacks—the gryphon riders are looking for something and they’re bringing the wards down to do it. It’s frustrating. I know I’m right somehow, I just don’t have enough information to put it all together yet.

“Was your father above or below Markham in the Quadrant?” Sage asks suddenly, eyeing the parchment.

“…above.”

Sage grimaces, looking anywhere but at me. “So he might have known…” She trails off and there’s something in her voice that tells me she has more thoughts than just that and she’s loathe to share them with me.

“Sage.” I say dangerously, standing from the bed. “What?”

Finally, she turns to look at me. “How did you say he died again?”

I can’t breathe. “Oh gods.” I can’t breathe.

“Remi. Remi it’s ok.” She shakes my shoulders. “Maybe I’m wrong, what do I know?” I stare blankly at the wall, running through everything I know about heart failure.

“You’re not.” I tell her, “you’re…you’re not.” It makes so much sense. My father was murdered. He was perfectly healthy until Brennan died. His death had been waved away as stress-induced heart failure, his health in a slow decline for two years, but now, knowing what I know—knowing what mother had tried to do to us…someone poisoned him.

I try not to think about who.

“You think he knew.” I say. “You think he believed whatever Fen Riorson said and…”

“And verified it for himself?” She winces. “Yeah. I mean, Markham doesn’t know, obviously.” I’m not so sure. If he’s writing a book, he’s not going to write anything that goes against the story command would like us all to believe.

“I’m not saying whatever Riorson believed in was noble, or enough to justify—”

“It was.” I cut her off.

Her eyebrows climb into her hairline. “You don’t know what it was.” And just like that I remember it wasn’t just my brother Fen Riorson killed, not really. I’d never considered, after finding out about Naolin, how Sage would feel about Xaden, since his dad was indirectly involved in her brother’s death too.

“I talked to Xaden about his dad.” I tell her softly. “A few weeks ago. The things he said, the way he spoke about him…” I trail off, shaking my head. “I believe him.”

“Ok.” Sage exhales heavily. “So…what? We confront them? We do more digging?”

I wonder if I present the facts as I know them now, to Bodhi, if he’ll trust me enough to tell me. If it’s even his choice—for all I know, Xaden rules them all with an iron fist and only he would be allowed to decide what we know. Xaden, I know for certain won’t trust us. Not yet at least.

“We dig.” I tell her. “So we have two choices—either we’re breaking in or we’re breaking out.”

A slow grin spreads across Sage’s face. “What do you have in mind?”

💫      🐉      ⚔️      🔥      🖤

I jump from Lía’s back, landing in a crouch on the flight field as our lesson comes to an end. “You’re getting good at that.”

“Only because you’re bending for me,” I grumble, turning to place my hand on her maw in our customary farewell. I’ve gotten better at flying—I keep my eyes open now, even if she still has to warn me any time we’re going into a dive.

I’ve tried to hold my seat without her assistance, but never during our flight lessons, only ever at dusk when it’s just us out here and she can fly low to the ground, at a height not so terrifying. I’ve fallen a bunch of times and she always catches me in her claws, but the heart-rending terror that envelopes me each time, leaves me shaking.

Violet has no such qualms about falling—Tairn catches her at least a dozen times every lesson. Though to be fair, Tairn throws himself around like a maniac, so that’s to be expected. I’ve never approached my sister’s dragon, not after Threshing. I might be holding a tiny bit of a grudge.

While I’ve been having a silent word with Lía, most of the other dragons have taken off back to the Vale, but not Tairn. He’s still here too and I watch with interest as he blows steam from his nostrils, looking agitated at the approach of Dain Aetos.

“Tell Tairn if he scorches him, I’ll forgive him for fucking up my relationship with my sister.” I say to Lía, who chuffs, nosing my chest.

“I’m not telling him that.”

I roll my eyes, leaning my forehead on her nose. “Fine.” I mutter, kissing her scales. “Bye Lía.” I wait for a moment, letting Violet and Dain pull ahead before I leave the flight field, giving them a wide berth.

I make my way down the stairs next to the Gauntlet slowly, trying not to listen to the argument they’re having, but it’s hard—they’re not exactly being quiet. Unfortunately for me, they halt at the mouth of the tunnel.

“You don’t have to worry about me, Dain,” I hear Violet say as I draw closer, “Imogen is training me.” Yeah, I’m sure he totally trusts the girl with the rebellion relic to train her—come on, he’s the most elitist guy here.

“Because Riorson asked her to.” Dain says, like it’s news to Violet. It’s not news to anyone—everyone in the quadrant has put two and two together by now.

“Probably.” Violet says, her tone cross. “Why does it matter?”

“Because he doesn’t have your best interest at heart.” Dain shakes his head and I really can’t stand it anymore.

I clear my throat and both their heads snap toward me. I look pointedly at the tunnel behind them, raising an eyebrow and they shuffle to the side, lips pressed together. “You’re an idiot, Dain.” I say as I pass, shaking my head.

When I make it out into the sunlight, I squint for a moment, my eyes adjusting. I blink to clear them and my gaze lands on Sage waiting for me…and just past her, Xaden and Garrick leaning up against the wall of the academic building. It’s getting colder—we might even get the first snowfall soon—but the wingleader is sans-jacket, his tawny skin glowing under the afternoon sun.

I run my eyes over his body, lingering on his biceps before finally trailing my eyes up to his face. He smirks wickedly, looking me up and down in return and I swallow harshly, forcing my eyes across to meet Sage’s.

“You’ve got it bad.” She teases, bumping my hip with hers as I reach her. “You need work off some of that tension already.” I’ve tried. Gods, I’ve tried. Now that I have my own room, it’s not a hard ask to get myself off, but it’s not enough and lately I’ve been thinking more and more about calling in my deal with Bodhi.

“I’m working on it.” I tell her, shaking my head. “We’ve just had more important things to focus on lately.” Like learning how not to fall off the back of our dragons and figuring out what the entire upper echelons of our society are hiding.

We turn to head into the rotunda and a guy rushes towards us, down the steps. “Make it stop!” He’s screaming, clutching at his head. My eyes grow wide and I look around as everyone in the courtyard stops what they’re doing.

“For gods’ sake, make it stop!” He shrieks. I blink in alarm, wondering what the hell he’s talking about.

“He must be manifesting his signet power.” Sage murmurs, stepping closer to my side and I wonder with a chill down my spine, what the hell kind of signet the guy has, if this is the result.

I feel a presence at my side and when I look over, Violet is standing next to me, her mouth open in horror. Xaden steps around her, putting himself just slightly in front of her and we share an understanding glance. I guess I really am protecting her. I sigh, looking back to the first-year whose friend seems to be trying to calm him. “Jeremiah!” They shout.

“You!” He spins, pointing his finger at him “You think I’ve lost it.” Yeah, because you have, buddy. His head tilts and his eyes flare. “How does he know? He shouldn’t know!” His tone changes and so does his cadence, like the words aren’t his own. Instantly, I understand.

“Fuck.” I mutter, grounding my feet in the plush floor of the box in my mind, extending out the spikes on its exterior in preparation.

“Please tell me Liam’s been teaching you grounding?” I murmur to my sister, while clutching Sage’s forearm.

“And you!” Jeremiah spins again, pointing at another person. “What the hell is wrong with him? Why is he screaming?” He turns again and when I glance back, I realise he’s focused on Dain who’s exited the tunnel behind her. “Is Violet going to hate me forever? Why can’t she see that I just want to keep her alive? How is he…? He’s reading my thoughts!” The impression is uncanny, embarrassing, and terrifying all at once.

“Oh gods,” Violet whispers and I laugh out loud.

“Well there’s a taste of his own medicine.” I mutter, wincing as my sister punches me in the arm. “Do whatever you can.” I tell her. “He’s an inntinnsic.”

Sage gasps. “I-I don’t know how to shield.” My eyes widen and my head swings around.

“What?”

“No one’s shown me!” She sounds panicked and I cringe. Gods, what a fucking oversight. I can’t believe I’ve never taught her, especially with my suspicions about…I turn back slowly, eyeing Xaden with caution.

Jeremiah unsheathes his shortsword. “Make it stop! Can’t any of you see? The thoughts won’t stop!” His panic is palpable and what’s worse is he doesn’t seem to realise that by freaking out like this in the courtyard, he’s ensured his own death. Though maybe, with the way this is going, death would be a mercy.

“Do something,” Violet begs and I know she’s talking to Xaden, not me. He steps backward, forcing her to back up until he’s level with me and she’s behind us. His unwavering, lethal focus is on Jeremiah, his body tense.

“Start mentally reciting whatever bookish shit you’ve learned.”

“I’m sorry?” Violet hisses at him, trying to shove him aside.

“If you value your secrets, clear your thoughts. Now.” Xaden orders and I wonder if he assumes she can’t ground well enough yet, or if he knows she can’t from experience.

Jeremiah turns, his gaze locking on me. I feel an icy sensation in my scalp and picture the spikes around my box extending into sharp, vicious points. “And yo—!” His fingers are outstretched, pointing, but his words are cut off as he lets out a blood curdling scream, bending over and clutching at his head.

For a moment he stops, panting, and then he looks up, with pained, terrified eyes. “What is wrong with you?”

I tense, my hand curling around a dagger at my ribcage. Everyone in the courtyard is staring, looking between the two of us and dread courses through my veins. Xaden’s arm brushes against mine as he steps closer, pressing our sides together.

Jeremiah sobs and then slowly, he turns, his gaze locking on Sage. “Fuck! Don’t think about the reb—” My hand has moved before my mind has even caught up and Jeremiah’s voice cuts off with a gurgle. He stares with wide eyes as his hands grasp at his throat, pressing around the dagger embedded there.

The shadows that had begun to creep up his legs abort their movement and I let out a low whimper, my fingers twitching, back at my side. Jeremiah falls to the ground and a professor pushes through the crowd of people, a shock of white hair bouncing behind him.

“He was an inntinnsic.” Someone whispers, but their eyes aren’t on him, they’re on me. Everyone’s looking at me. A shadow pulls the dagger free from his neck, returning it to my hand. The professor gives me an assessing glance before slinging Jeremiah’s body up over his shoulder and carrying him into the rotunda.

“You ok, angel?” Xaden murmurs and I feel his shadow brush the back of my neck.

“Yeah.” I breathe, still blinking in shock. “I—” My voice wavers. “I didn’t think.”

“If you hadn’t killed him, Carr would have.” He says quietly, reassuring me. I don’t know if he knows what Sage was thinking but he understands it was dangerous.

“Remi.” Sage whispers and when I turn her face is ashen. “I’m sor—”

“N-none of that.” I tell her kindly, wrapping my arm around her shoulders. I’m still shaking.

For a moment, Xaden brings his hand up, cupping my jaw. “You did good.” He praises, before turning on his heel and striding away. It hits me like a punch, arousal coiling in my gut and I have to pause, willing my body not to heat up because the man praised me for killing someone.

“I should have taught you.” I whisper to Sage when I steady myself. “I should have—we need to—”

“Take a breath.” She murmurs, her voice low and I realise we’re still in the middle of the courtyard, tens of other riders and cadets staring at me, assessing me. I straighten my spine, willing my hands to stop shaking.

I turn, finding Violet’s squad standing behind us, staring at me in horror, Dain looming over her shoulder. “Rem…” Violet whispers and I can’t stand it, the way she’s looking at me—like I’m some broken thing she doesn’t know how to fix. My fingers slide upward, gripping Liam’s pendant tightly where it’s secured around my neck. I desperately hope he’s right about her.

“Maybe I don’t want a signet power after all,” Ridoc murmurs and I’m grateful for the intervention; for the almost change of subject.

“That death was merciful compared to what will happen if you don’t manifest one,” Dain says and his eyes are still locked on mine, assessing, prying. He knows there’s something we’re hiding, something Jeremiah was about to expose and it’s piqued his interest in a dangerous way.

“He was in my head.” I say defensively, drawing back from them. “I could feel him in my head.” I don’t have any defence for killing him aside from that and the truth—and the truth is something they’re not getting.

Sage grasps my hand and with one last, lingering look at my sister, I turn and walk away.

💫      🐉      ⚔️      🔥      🖤

“I heard some people call you the angel of death today, you know.”

I snort, my mouth falling open. “Sorry, what now?”

“You can probably thank Xaden for that. Someone obviously overheard his little pet name for you.” Bodhi says slyly, a smirk gracing his lips. It was probably Nyra, the shit stirrer.

“Shut up.” I blush, elbowing him as we enter his room. “It’s not a pet name.” I reach down to untie my boots, sighing in relief as I toe them off, leaving them by the bed.

“Oh?” Bodhi asks, closing the door behind him. “What is it then?” We’ve just come back from dinner in the gathering hall where everyone was not-so-subtly eyeing me. It bothers me to no end that I’ve drawn their attention once more, just when most of the fear and animosity after Threshing had begun to die down; but it can’t be helped. I’d much rather they all stare at me, than have Sage and I’s theory about the rebellion exposed to Command.

“It’s like…it’s a taunt.” I shrug, pulling my hair out of its high ponytail, massaging my scalp. “Pet names are affectionate.”

Bodhi laughs, shaking his head. “You and I both know it’s both of those things. They’re not mutually exclusive.” He follows me over, removing his own boots. “You like pushing each other’s buttons.”

He’d certainly pushed a few buttons today. My skin heats up and I avoid Bodhi’s gaze.

“Remi Sorrengail, are you blushing?” He teases, raking a hand through his curls. I feel my cheeks flame and look away, trying to hide my face. I can’t help but think back to the way Xaden cupped my jaw, the look in his eyes when he whispered ‘you did good’.

“Bodhi.” I let out a gusty exhale.

“I still think the wingleader would make a better mate, but this one’s not a bad choice either.” I groan, covering my face at Lía’s words. Did she have to?

“He’s my friend, Lía.” Bodhi stares at me with a bemused smile, one I see through a gap in my fingers.

“So?” I focus on blocking her out, sealing off her window to my mindspace.

“Remi?” Bodhi asks, laughing in confusion.

“Sorry, Lía likes to give advice sometimes.” I tell him, dropping my hands away.

“What advice was she giving you?” His brow furrows and I know I must look flushed.

I bite my lip. “To take you to bed.” I murmur hesitantly.

His forehead smooths out and a salacious grin begins to grow on his lips. “And you were flustered?” He teases. “You were so cocky about it before.” Before being when we discussed it on the stairs by the Gauntlet. Before, being back when we weren’t so close and I wasn’t worried about fucking up our friendship irreparably.

“I’m not worried about the sex, Bodh.” I tell him, reaching out to squeeze his shoulder. “I’m worried about after.”

His face softens. “We’re friends, Rem. A few orgasms aren’t going to change that.”

I run my hand down his chest slightly, stopping over his heart. “You promise?”

He nods, pulling me closer and I let my hand trail down, pressing over the front of his flying leathers. He inhales sharply, gripping my arms tight at my biceps and slowly, I begin to unbutton them.

I get them loose enough to slip my hand inside, pulling his cock free, then press myself forward, leaning up on my toes so I can whisper in his ear. “Tell me how you like it.” He groans, rocking his hips into my hand.

“Fuck, Rem.” I start to stroke him, feeling his length harden in my grip. He bends back from me a little, just enough to pull his shirt off and I’m left staring at tawny skin covering rippling abdominals. I always knew he was attractive, but I didn’t know he was hiding all that under there.

Rising on the balls of my feet, I close my hand around him tighter at the same time as I bring my lips to his throat, sucking marks into his skin. He bucks into me, gasping as his head tips back. My thumb trails around the head of his cock, just firm enough to have him rolling his hips again, and one of his hands moves up to my head, grasping me by the back of my hair.

His lips lower to mine in an open-mouthed kiss, sweet in its intensity, and I suck his lower lip into my mouth, running my tongue over it. When we pull away, our eyes meet and as one, we both laugh. “That was weird.” He says and I let my forehead hit his shoulder with a chuckle.

“Very.” I agree, my chest still shaking.

“Maybe no kissing then?” He suggests and I nod, wholeheartedly in agreement.

I do however, return my lips to his skin, laving my tongue over his collarbone. I tighten my grip on him again, stroking with one hand while the other moves down to fondle his balls. He moans, arching into me and I grin, twisting my hand and letting my thumb swipe along his slit.

“Remi…” He breathes out, his hands running up my sides and I smile, stroking him faster with one hand while I use just the thumb of the other to lightly circle the head of his cock. I keep moving my hands slower and then faster again, satisfied with the moans and whimpers I draw out of him. “Faster, Rem.” He finally orders, his hands roving over my body.

I obey immediately, letting my fingernails rake over him just slightly every now and then, my thumb flicking at his frenulum. “Gods,” he moans and his mouth is behind my ear, sucking little marks into my skin. His hands trail through my hair and down my spine, pressing me closer.

“Come for me, Bodh.” I breathe into his ear and he does, moaning as his body jerks and he spills over my hands and shirt.

We pause for a moment while he regathers himself, chest heaving. “Fuck, Rem.” He says, kissing behind my ear and then my cheek.

“Good?” I ask him, catching his eye and he nods, smiling gently as his hand runs over my hair.

“Come here.” He grasps the hem of my shirt, tugging it up over my head, and I slip out of my pants, unlacing the leathers quickly. His thumbs trace over my shoulders and his eyes dart down to take in my bare legs now that I’m only wearing my corset and underwear.

He sighs, ducking his head to press his forehead to mine. “I really wish I could fall in love with you.”

A quiet laugh escapes me, because I’d just been thinking the exact same thing. “Me too.” I murmur, smiling a little sadly. He really would be the perfect partner, no matter what Lía says.

He pulls back a little, his hands trailing up my spine and suddenly a full belly laugh escapes me. “What?” He asks, his lips quirking up.

“Nothing.” I shake my head. “It’s just, I promised my sister I’d wear the corset all the time, even when…” I trail off, watching a slow grin overtake his face.

“I don’t mind leaving it on.” He says suggestively and his fingers slide down to hook in the band of my underwear, slipping them over my hips. As I step out of them, he moves backward, pulling me with him as he falls to the mattress. He sits on the edge, legs spread apart, leathers still open at the top.

I slide into his lap, balancing myself with my hands on his shoulders and exhale shakily as his hands roam down my sides to my legs, gripping my thighs gently where I’m spread open across him. “Still ok?” He asks and my heart softens. I wish I liked him as more than a friend.

“Yes.” I breathe, lowering my chin to his shoulder as I wrap my arms around him. “It’s been…a while.” I grimace. He chuckles, hot and low in my ear and I squirm a little as his fingers gently trace circles on the sensitive skin of my inner thighs.

“With someone? Or in general?”

It has been a while since we made our deal. Maybe he thinks I’ve sorted it out by now, learned to trust someone else. I close my eyes in defeat. “With someone. By myself is fine it’s just….”

“Not enough.” He finishes knowingly and his hands leave my thighs, running up and down my spine comfortingly over the scales in my corset. “Relax, Rem.” He murmurs, pressing gentle kisses to my throat.

I sink into his embrace, feeling the stretch in my legs as I let my weight drop down, the tension draining out of me. His fingers trail down my spine, around over my hip and finally, to my core. I whimper, jerking slightly as he drags them through the arousal there, bringing one up to circle my clit.

“Bodhi.” I breathe, clutching at his shoulders.

“I’ve got you, Rem.” He brings his thumb down, rubbing in small, gentle circles and my gut tightens with need. When he slips a finger inside me, I press my mouth to his shoulder, trying to stifle the keen that wants to escape. It’s definitely been too long.

I try to relax, rolling my hips slightly as he presses in a second finger, pumping them in and out of my heat gently. “You’re doing good, Rem.” He praises, his thumb working over my clit and I moan, rocking against him slowly.

“Gods, Bodhi.” I whimper, trying to press his fingers in deeper, my hips rolling encouragingly. His fingers stroke over my walls gently, searchingly, until they find the soft spongy spot inside me that causes my toes to curl. My back arches, head falling back and I moan, long and loud in the quiet of his room.

“Fuck.” He curses, his fingers curling up again. I’m so worked up I plant my hands on his knees behind me, trying to get enough leverage to push myself up and drop myself down harder on his fingers.

He works me open, his thumb circling my clit with increasing intensity as he curls his fingers. Somehow, leaving the corset on has me feeling sexier than if I were naked and I moan, gasping as his lips suck bruises into the top of my throat. I rock against him, whimpering every so often as his thumb flicks tighter circles over my sensitive nerve endings.

There’s heat coiled low in my gut and the way he’s touching me feels good—so good—but I still just can’t quite get there. “Come on, Rem.” He murmurs, kissing my temple. “You’re bruising my ego here.”

I laugh, pulling back so I can rest my forehead against his. “I’m sorry.” I apologise. “It’s not you.” I sigh frustratedly, letting out a low keen as he drags his fingers over that spot again, pressing gently.

“Tell me what you like.” He whispers gently, his free hand brushing over my bare shoulder. “Tell me what you need.”

I blush, averting my eyes. Somehow, even with myself spread open across his lap, this feels more intimate, more revealing. “I-I like—touch my hair.” I stumble over my words. “Talk to me—tell me I’m doing good.” I bury my face in his neck, hiding my embarrassed expression.

“Remi…your hair?” There’s amusement in his voice and I swallow harshly, not moving. “Come here.” He grasps my jaw, guiding my head back so I meet his eyes. “It’s ok.” He says softly, knowing. “You can picture someone else if it helps.” I’m glad he sounds amused because we both know who I’ll be picturing and I feel awful about it.

“Fuck, Bodhi.” I whimper in defeat, letting my head fall back. I blink up at the ceiling wondering what’s wrong with me because the man in front of me is perfect.

“Put your hands on my shoulders.” He says, wrapping his free arm around my waist, hauling me closer. I follow his direction, my fingertips brushing gently over his skin. “Close your eyes.” I breathe in and out, settling into his grip and waiting for further direction.

His fingers inside me curl up once more, dragging over my walls. As he curls them again and again, drawing them out and back in, his thumb begins to circle my clit, slower this time. He drags the back of his thumbnail over it in a short, sharp flick causing me to buck into him reflexively. “Gods,” I moan, arching my back.

“Ride my fingers.” He orders, his voice low and when my head tips back, he tangles his free hand in my hair, tugging at my scalp. I’m almost bent over backward, pulled by his hand in my hair, but I don’t dare take mine off his shoulders, using them as leverage to roll myself up and back down, fucking myself on his hand.

“Good girl,” he praises, kissing my neck and a moan escapes my throat, a long, low sound. I clench around his fingers, getting more and more worked up as I rise and fall, bringing my hips down faster and faster. “You’re doing so good, Remi.” He praises, spreading his palm on the back of my neck. “You’re so beautiful like this.”

I whimper, bowing into him as he changes speed, alternating between fast and slow circles with his thumb on my sensitive clit. I let out another low moan as his fingers curl and he moves his knees, spreading my legs inextricably further apart. I’m so, so close, my body coiled tight, so of course that’s when there’s a pounding knock on the door.

I whimper—a low, distressed sound. “I’m busy!” Bodhi calls out, his fingers still in motion. He puts his mouth to my ear and murmurs, “don’t stop.” I moan quietly, my fingers tightening on his shoulders as I roll my hips.

“Did you forget what tonight was?” A deep voice—his voice—sounds from the door and I freeze, eyes blowing wide. “I don’t give a damn who you’re fucking Bodhi, this is more important.”

Bodhi’s movements falter and I whimper, looking at him with desperate eyes. I don’t have the mental capacity to even process the words spoken through the door. I’m so worked up I start moving on his hand again, rolling desperately down on his curling fingers as Xaden says. “Hurry up and get dressed.”

He looks like he might actually do it and I dig my fingernails into his skin, head tilting back as he presses his thumb harshly onto my clit. Xaden is saying something, his tone irritated and something dark skitters up my leg, a soft caress touching my thigh and then my throat. Silence.

“Bodhi.” His voice is dangerous. “Out here. Now.” I jerk, a loud moan escaping my lips as my walls tighten, convulsing around Bodhi’s fingers as I come. I think I might actually see stars. The force of it has me trembling like a leaf and I collapse into Bodhi’s chest, dropping my head onto his shoulder.

“Did you just—”

“Yes.” I say weakly, screwing my eyes shut. Yes. I came at the sound of his voice, at the dark command in his tone and the shadows caressing my skin inquisitively.

“Remi…” He stifles a laugh, running a hand gently over my hair.

I’d moaned. I’d moaned so loud he definitely heard. “Oh gods,” I whimper, humiliation hitting me full force.

“I have to go.” Bodhi says apologetically, slipping his hand free and I cringe, dread filling me. He’s going to have to open the door. Sweet Malek. I slide off his lap, standing on shaky legs and quickly grasp my underwear and my pants, sliding both up over my hips. So much for the afterglow.

I leave my shirt off, reaching over to wipe Bodhi’s hand with it since its already going to need washing anyway. “Do you think Lía can pick me up from the window?”

Bodhi snorts, shaking his head while laughing silently. “It’s me who should be concerned.” I gape incredulously.

“What?” I whisper angrily, frowning at him. “I’m the one he heard orgasming.” If anything, my level of embarrassment entirely transcends whatever Bodhi’s concerned with.

“Yeah. That’s what I’m worried about.” He says wryly, a wince contorting his face for half a second before he strides for the door. When he swings it open, I’m halfway into my boots, shirt and jacket under my arm. I shove my feet into them, but have no time to fix my hair into anything that doesn’t scream your cousin just had his hands in there while he got me off.

I look up, meeting unimpressed onyx eyes and my heart sinks like a stone. His dark stare runs the length of my body, from my unsteady legs, all the way up to my loose, messy hair cascading over my shoulders and I stiffen at the sharp edge to his tone as he speaks. “Having a nice night, angel?”

My mouth opens and closes, not a single word escaping. “I—”

“Let’s go.” He says to Bodhi, turning on his heel and striding down the hall before I can even make a sound. I bite my tongue, inhaling sharply through my nose.

“Sorry, Rem.” Bodhi looks contrite more than anything else.

“It’s ok.” I push him gently toward the hall. “Go.” I close my eyes for a moment, following after him so he can lock the door. “I’ll see you later.”

Chapter Text

💫      🐉      ⚔️      🔥     🖤

“Remi!”

I groan, rolling over at the sound of Lía’s voice in my head. She’d laughed herself silly when I had lowered my mental shields after visiting the bathing chambers, no thought or memory a secret from her. I’d washed my shirt at the same time and then gone straight to bed, pulling the covers over myself while I tried to forget.

“Remi!” She repeats more urgently this time and somewhere between sleep and wakefulness I note the urgency in her tone. “REMI!” I jolt upward in bed, panting harshly as my eyes adjust in the dark. Someone’s in my doorway. “Violet’s in trouble, go now!”

I roll out of bed in one smooth movement, throwing myself toward the intruder without a second thought. “Tell Deigh!” I call, not stopping for a moment to consider what the problem is or whether I need a plan. I’m only wearing my corset and my underwear as I slam into the form of Amber Mavis, the blonde wingleader from Presentation Day who accused Violet and I of cheating.

I have barely a second to take in her face before she’s flying back with force into the wall of the hallway. How did she get in? I force the thought and the panic it evokes down viciously, throwing myself toward her with my fist raised. I don’t even get a hit in before she’s pushing past me and sprinting down the hall.

I bolt after her, alarm roaring through me, but she continues toward the stairs and I need to let her go in order to get to Violet. It’s only a handful of feet down the corridor that I sprint, half-bare in the chill of the winter air. I throw the door to Violet’s room open, hands already at my ribs, unsheathing two daggers.

I take in the scene quickly, a snarl on my lips. Three men and two women are in my sister’s room and as I storm in, one of the women dives for her, scrambling across her bed. A woman and two of the men have turned at my entrance and I lunge for the woman, aiming to take down the easier threat first.

She throws a knife at me and I quickly duck to one side, bringing my own up toward her ribcage. I see Violet round the bed out of the corner of my eye, only one blade in her hand and I cringe, trying to force my way toward her. The woman in front of me attacks from the right while one of the men lunges from the left, toward my midsection with a shortsword. I stumble, catching the woman’s fist in my side as I attempt to dodge him, but a fist is better than a blade.

At the closer distance I manage to land a blow to the woman’s neck with my own dagger, forcing my hand to continue the forward striking motion, even as it lodges my blade in her spine. She drops to the floor and I’m turning instantly, my other dagger up to try and deflect the man’s sword.

“Vi!” I call out, darting backward to toss my dagger toward her to arm both her hands, pulling two new ones from my corset. I’m paranoid enough now that I sleep with all six at my ribs. It sucks, because I’d like to sleep on my side or stomach where I’m comfortable, but uncomfortable is better than dead and I’m not safe anywhere—tonight proves that.

“Did you get in touch with Deigh?” I throw out toward Lía in a panic as the two males strike out at me simultaneously. “Or even Fionn? Fierge?” I know instinctively there’s no point in calling for Sgaeyl or Cuir—they’re not here tonight.

“Help is coming.” She says, her own voice tight as I attempt to defend myself against two stronger, bigger enemies. “Just hold on.”

Violet’s incapacitated the woman going after her and is now dealing with a man of her own. I’m distracted, trying to keep an eye on her and work my way around to her position, so I don’t see the foot that kicks out at me until it’s a moment too late and my dagger is flying from my hand. The foot is quickly followed by a sword and I take a long laceration to the forearm trying to keep them from pinning me down, but it’s no use.

The larger man’s hand snakes out and slams me against the wall on one side of the room. My second dagger falls from my hand as his grip tightens around my throat. I watch with panicked eyes as the others restrain Violet, thrashing in his hold. “Well isn’t this sweet.” The man in front of me sneers, lifting me off my feet.

I kick out at him, but his arms are long enough that he can dangle me in mid-air, cutting off my air supply and remaining out of reach of my limbs. He quickly strips the last two remaining daggers from me and my heart sinks. My fingernails dig into his arm and I snarl, tossing my body back and forth like a rag doll, trying to loosen his grip.

He’s crushing my throat. I can’t breathe and my vision begins to go spotty as I fight. “Lía,” I call, trying desperately to escape. “Lía, I’m sorry.”

“He’s almost there!” She calls and I assume she must mean Liam. I meet Violet’s eyes over my assailant’s shoulder. She’s crying. I don’t think I can hold on.

“We have to finish this one! He’ll only respect us if we finish her!” One of the men holding Violet says. Who is he? I can’t—I don’t understand. I can’t think. I can’t breathe.

“You finish her.” The man choking me says, levelling a furious stare on my face. “I’m going to finish this one.” He drops my body down, flipping me around so my back is to his chest and his arm is curled around my throat. My lungs are still fighting for oxygen that isn’t there but I make one, last aborted attempt to get out of his grip, throwing my head back. I don’t make contact.

He laughs, a dark, sadistic sound. “Let’s see how you like a blade in your throat.” Terror rips through me and I meet Violet’s eyes across the room, hoping she can tell how sorry I am. For everything. His arm moves away from my neck but I only get a single breath in before there’s a knife there, cold metal pressing into my skin. I tilt my chin up defiantly, despite the way my eyes fill with tears and think toward Lía, “thank you for choosing me.”

The bedroom door slams open, wood splintering as it slams against the wall and between what feels like one blink and the next, my sister goes from being restrained across the room, to directly in front of me, tugging my body down to the ground in a tumble. My brain is frozen, trying process the fact that moving forward and down, hadn’t sliced me open from ear to ear.

She tugs me into the centre of the room, pulling me close into her side and when I look up, my eyes meet Xaden’s. He’s filling the doorway like some kind of dark, avenging angel. Shadows curl from the walls on either side of him, streaming forward as he moves, placing himself in front of us. He snaps his fingers and the room illuminates, mage lights hovering above us. “You’re all fucking dead.” His voice is eerily calm and relief floods through me.

“Riorson!” The one who’d been threatening me, drops his dagger to the floor. There’s a hand at my back and I startle, jumping at the touch, calming only when I realise it’s Liam, his arm wrapped around Violet from her other side, almost encompassing both of us.

“You think surrendering will save you?” Xaden’s voice is lethally soft. “It’s against our code to attack another rider in their sleep.”

“That one wasn’t sleeping.” His hand points toward me. “She deserves a taste of her own medicine.” Xaden’s shadows shoot out furiously, grabbing the other four assailants by their throats. As one, they constrict. Each of them struggle, just like I had, but it doesn’t matter. Their faces turn purple, the shadows holding tight until they sag to the floor like lifeless puppets.

It’s almost like a kind of wingleader-facilitated cosmic retribution.

I don’t feel bad about it.

Xaden stalks forward as though he has all the time in the world and holds out his palm, a tendril of darkness lifting my discarded dagger from the floor. His fingers curl around the hilt and he slashes forward so quickly my eyes can barely follow it. The man’s throat opens in a horizontal line, blood streaming down his neck and chest in a torrent.

He grabs for his throat but it’s useless. He bleeds out in seconds, crumpling to the floor and perhaps a little dazedly I think, how come Xaden didn’t end up drenched in blood? A crimson puddle grows around him, spreading across Violet’s bedroom floor.

“Damn, Xaden.” Garrick walks in, sheathing his sword as his gaze rakes over the room. “No time for questioning?” His glance sweeps to Violet and I as if cataloging injuries, catching on my throat.

“No need for it,” Xaden counters as Bodhi enters, doing the same quick assessment Garrick had. His eyes widen at my half-naked form and the way I’m clutching my throat and he takes a step forward, his hand coming up in an aborted motion. His eyes track somewhere over my shoulder. “Are you ok?” He asks, his fingertips just touching my elbow instead.

“I’m fine.” I croak out. It’s a lie, but it will make them all feel better. I stumble toward the bed as I feel the adrenaline crash begin to get the best of me, picking my way over dead bodies until I can collapse at the edge of the mattress, wheezing in air through my abused respiratory tract.

Bodhi watches me for a moment, eyes full of concern, before he rounds on Xaden. “Let me guess,” he says with a sigh, rubbing the back of his neck. “We’re on cleanup?”

“Call in help if you need it,” Xaden answers with a nod.

I stare into space as Garrick and Bodhi haul out the first of them. I almost died. I almost died. My hands shake. They almost killed Violet. I should have been faster. I should have been stronger. I should have—I feel sick.

“It’s the shock.” Xaden says to me, crossing the room to stand in front of me, knees on either side of mine. “Stop panicking. You’re both alive.”

A strangled sound leaves my throat. He just answered my thoughts. He steps in close, draping one of Violet’s cloaks around my shoulders. I watch in disbelief as he slides to his knees, tugging a pair of her pants up over my bare legs.

“Are you hurt?” He asks, tone neutral and I shake my head. His fingers tighten on my knees and when I look back and meet his eyes, they’re furious. “Don’t lie to me.”

I bring my hand up to my neck, shrugging and then hold out my lacerated arm. He takes a steadying breath. “Talk to me, angel.” He demands, looking away only to take the bandages Violet offers him.

“How come you didn’t get any blood on you?” I croak and his lips slowly curve up. “Not fair.” He chuckles, his hands gentling on my arm as he binds it, holding the laceration together. I wince as I try to talk and his eyes drop to my throat. They narrow on what I imagine has to be the purple imprint of a hand.

“I should have killed him slower.” The vicious, protective tone in his voice causes my throat to close over in a way entirely unrelated to my injury. That he’d kill for me—hunt retribution in return for someone harming me—it’s like my soul calls out to him, pulling me toward him with a warm, swelling feeling of gratitude.

His hands are curled into fists where he kneels between my legs and without considering the consequences, I lean forward, pulling him into me. He tenses as his head meets my belly and I clutch desperately at his shoulders, lowering my face to his hair. “Thank you.” I whisper, closing my eyes. Thank you for saving my life. Thank you for wanting to, for caring enough to kill someone who harmed me, even if I don’t understand why.

He relaxes slightly, his hands reaching up to skate over my sides. His expression is gruff when I pull back slightly and as two other men walk through the door, I let him go, my hand skating through the back of his hair as he retreats, climbing to his feet.

One of the men is Ciaran. I gape, my eyes falling to the rebellion relic crawling high on his bicep, the sleeves of his shirt rolled up as he reaches for one of the bodies. I had no clue Ciaran was a marked one—how did I not know? I’m certain I’ve seen him shirtless. Garrick and Bodhi follow close behind them and my brain starts to process again as I realise they’re all fully clothed…at two a.m.

Whatever unsanctioned mission Bodhi, Garrick and Xaden have been on, they’ve been on it too. Smart. That many of them means their movements definitely remain a secret from Melgren’s signet. “Take those two, we’ll get the last ones.” Garrick orders and Ciaran and the other man get to work, carrying the last of the bodies out through the door.

“Thank you.” Xaden says. As they turn to leave, Bodhi stops, looking at me in question. He won’t leave until I say I’m fine, regardless of Xaden’s orders. Warmth fills me and I nod, lips ticking up just a little. Go, I mouth and he nods back, his eyes flicking up to his cousin for a moment before he’s out the door, his footsteps retreating down the hall.

Xaden flicks his hand and the door shuts with a soft click, leaving the two of us and Liam and Violet in the room. “Can you breathe ok?” His hands move to my throat, prodding gently at the abused tissue and I whimper, leaning into him.

“Mostly.” I rasp, his warm fingers gently stroking over my skin. “I think my larynx is damaged.” I get out in soft, raspy huffs, closing my eyes at the pain. As I submit myself to his touch, allowing him to stroke over the skin covering my larynx and trachea, my eyes drift over to Violet who’s facing away from us, Liam unlacing her corset.

“A-are yo—” I try to raise my voice, but the sound ceases completely, my abused voice box protesting the action so soon after being brutally compressed. I try and crawl backward, scooting across the bed as Liam pushes Violet gently down onto the edge.

My hand comes up to grip her shoulder and she glances back, craning her neck to smile at me reassuringly. “I’m ok.” Her voice wavers.

I watch intently as Liam pulls her armour apart, inspecting her side. His fingers stroke over her ribs gently and then carefully start to prod. He knows what he’s doing, I can tell. His fingers work over all the right places, checking for a break. “I think you’re fine.” He says softly, palm spread reverently over her bare ribcage. It’s so intimate I look away.

“We need to move.” Xaden says, his hand on my thigh drawing my attention back to him. I blink, pulling myself back toward the edge of the bed, slowly sliding my feet to the floor. My legs are still trembling, the adrenaline crash causing my muscles to weaken, but I manage to lift my feet as he brings me a pair of Violet’s boots. I balance myself with a hand on his forearm as I shove my feet into them.

I bend down to lace them and almost fall over, swaying to the side. He pushes me back until my knees hit the bed and I collapse back onto the mattress. When he slides to his knees before me a second time, I’m no longer distracted enough to ignore the image—what the sight of him on his knees before me, does to me. Desire pools in my gut and I picture my fingers threading through his hair, my body with a lot less clothing on as I pull him toward me, between my thighs.

“Remi.” He says warningly and the sound of my given name from his lips sends a bolt of lightning through me, having the opposite effect to what he no doubt intended. A startled noise escapes my throat, almost a whimper and I slam my eyes shut, focusing on grounding my feet in the soft floor of my mindspace. He’s never said my name before.

He laces up the boots on my feet with care and then buttons the cloak at my collar. His touch is soft, like I—like I mean something and a swell of emotion rises in me, fighting its way to the surface. He pulls the hood of the cloak up, letting his fingers tangle in my loose hair for just a second as he tucks it into the collar, hiding it from view.

When he pulls me to my feet and tugs me toward the door, I turn, making sure Violet is following. Liam’s arm is wrapped around her shoulders and he’s buttoned her into a cloak as well, gently guiding her after us. “Let’s go.” Go where?

Xaden’s hand is warm, his fingers firm as they curl around mine and despite the circumstances, my traitorous heart flutters, beating a staccato in my chest. Every door in the hallway is shut—no one heard a damn thing. If Xaden hadn’t shown up when he did, Violet and I would be dead, no one the wiser until morning.

I squeeze his hand tight, fighting the surge of emotion that clogs my throat. The hallways are dimly lit by blue mage lights, the kind that signal it’s still night for those without windows. Violet whispers quietly to Liam behind us and as Xaden tugs me down the hall, quick footsteps eating up the floor between Violet’s room and the stairs, I stop, wrenching my hand back.

Sage’s door is closed but what if—what if—

I step toward it desperately, raising my hand to knock.

“No.” Xaden’s arms wrap around me, restraining me from waking my friend. I twist against him, trying to free myself from his grip.

“I need to, let me go.”

“You’re not waking her.” His voice is tight and I know I should heed his command, his tone telling me not to fight him on this but my mind won’t let it rest. It keeps screaming what if, what if, what if.

“I need to see her.” I croak, meeting his eyes desperately. “I need—what if—” My heart is beating out of my chest and he breathes out a sigh of frustration. He turns toward the door, his hand twisting as he channels his magic.

His expression belies his impatience as he orders quietly. “Don’t. Wake. Her.”

I step inside, light on my feet as I almost run toward the bed, my anxious stare locking on Sage’s sleeping form. I note the rise and fall of her chest and close my eyes, relief running through me now that I know—have seen with my own eyes—that she’s ok.

I step back, guided by Xaden’s hand as we leave the room, shutting the door behind us. I watch as he channels once more, locking the door securely. “Thank you.” I whisper. He doesn’t respond, just pulls, dragging me down the hallway as quickly as my feet will carry me.

He leads me past the spiral staircase and into the rotunda, Liam and Violet keeping pace behind us. Our boots sound so loud against the marble floor in the dead of night as we hurry past the academic wing and down another set of stairs that lead to a storage area.

“If you wanted to get me alone, there’s plenty of bedrooms upstairs.” I rasp. “No need for a broom closet.” His fingers spasm around mine and he turns his head, levelling me with a furious glare over his shoulder. It’s only then that the events of earlier that night hit me and I flush, dread rolling through me as I remember.

Liam stifles a laugh behind us and I wince, keeping my guilty eyes on the floor. I can’t examine why I feel so awful, because then I might have to confront the reason for his anger—wonder why he was so furious with Bodhi the second his shadows told him who was spread across his cousin’s lap.

“I don’t even need to be in the same room as you, angel.” The words are pointed, vicious things and humiliation washes over me. Liam and Violet might not understand the implication but I do. He knows. He knows it was his voice, his shadows that brought me to completion under someone else’s hands and he’s using that knowledge as a weapon.

A soft, embarrassed sound escapes my mouth and I try to tug my hand free, to pull away from him. He resists, grasping my fingers tighter as he yanks me toward him, clicking with his free hand. He pushes the stone in front of us, halfway down the staircase, and a hidden door swings open. My eyes widen as I take in the expansive tunnel revealed before us and I understand how they’ve been sneaking out to do…whatever it is that they do.

“Hope you’re not afraid of the dark.” He says, pulling me inside, and as Violet and Liam enter behind us, the door closes and darkness envelops us. It’s black as far as the eye can see. I suck in a sharp breath, trembling slightly at the loss of my most important sense. A caress skitters up my arm and across the back of my neck, one I recognise as belonging to Xaden’s shadows.

“Xaden.” Liam says, insistence in his tone and the wingleader in front of me pauses, clicking his fingers again. A mage light hovers above our heads, illuminating our surroundings.

“Thanks.” Violet sighs in relief and for the first time in the last hour, I allow myself to look, really look at my sister. I pull my hand free from Xaden’s, yanking viciously until he lets go so I can turn around, stepping across the tunnel to pull my sister into my arms.

I wrap my arms around her tightly, tucking her head into my neck. My body shakes as I hold her close and murmur, “I almost lost you.”

She shakes her head, squeezing me back just as tight. “They almost killed you. His knife was at your throat and I thought—I thought I was going to have to watch—” I shush her, running my hand up her back as I hold her tight, rocking us from side to side.

“It’s ok. I’m ok.” Some part of me is still on high alert, my heart thudding in my chest, but for the most part, I settle, having made sure she’s really unharmed. “I love you, Vi.” The soft material of her cloak scrunches beneath my fingers as I grasp her firmly.

“I love you too, Rem.” She whispers. “I’m sorry. About—”

“Not the time.” Xaden’s voice cuts her off and I flinch, turning my head to glare at him in the dim light of the tunnel. His hand returns to my arm, attempting to tug me away from my twin and I lash out at him, hitting him in the chest.

He pauses, his eyes narrowing and I can feel the reprimand in his gaze. The threat. “Get over here. Now.” Just like that day in the gym, the command washes over me, every cell in my body responding to his order. I breathe in sharply, my heart slamming against my ribcage as I slowly release Violet’s shoulder, stepping toward him.

He wraps his hand around my wrist and begins to pull, dragging me down the tunnel again. My lungs protest the speed as I struggle to draw in enough air through my battered airway. “Slow down.” I say, panting as we round a corner.

“No.”

I glare at him, forcing my body to keep moving even though I desperately want to stop and take a breath. “Xaden!” I protest, my voice starting as a yell and fading to a whisper. “I can’t breathe.” He slows, a tick in his jaw as he looks me over, his eyes lingering on my neck.

“Do you want me to carry you?” Yes.

“No.” I glare at him, my lip curling up. “I want you to stop being an asshole and slow down.” I close my eyes, focusing on my breathing as I take slow steps forward. I need to see Nolon. I need to—I just want a hug from Winifred.

“We were asleep.” Violet whispers behind me and when I look back, she’s clutching Liam’s hand tight. “We’re supposed to be safe when we sleep.”

I feel my throat tighten, discomfort squeezing my chest. “I don’t think I’ll ever sleep again.” Amber Mavis was in my room. If Líadan hadn’t woke me, she might have killed me.

“I’m sure Bodhi will sleep with you for safety.” I suck in a sharp breath, mouth falling open as I turn to glare at him furiously, ripping my fingers from his grip.

The smirk on his face is downright nasty and I know his words are meant to hurt. Why does he even care? What was it he said? It’s easier for me to let them make their own mistakes. Months ago, I’d have thought him angry because he didn’t want his cousin anywhere near a Sorrengail, but now he’s tied to Violet for life so that would be an unfair double standard.

“Careful, Xaden.” I murmur, voice dripping with venom. “You sound jealous.” I know it isn’t true. I’ve been nothing but obvious about my lust for him since before I even crossed the parapet. If he were interested, I would know—he would have done something by now—so what’s his deal?

He scoffs, his gaze turning hard as he looks me up and down. “Hardly. I don’t fuck first-years—even when I was one—let alone…you.” It’s like being punched in the chest and I try not to let it show how much that hurt me, the disdain in his tone as he said the word ‘you’.

“Your loss.” I spit, watching with furious eyes as he turns on his heel, continuing up the tunnel. “Where are we going?” I demand, stalking after him.

“We’re going to ask Tairn what the hell just happened.” Great. My favourite dragon. “And I’m not talking about the attack.”

I reach out through the window in my mind, grasping for Lía’s reassuring presence. “Lía,” I call, feeling all the hurt and pent up emotion rise to the surface.

“I’m here.” She responds, her voice gentle as she pushes a feeling of comfort toward me. “It’s ok. Follow the wingleader; he’s bringing you to me.”

“We’re going to the flight field?” Violet asks softly.

“Yes, that’s where this tunnel leads.” Xaden says and the path curves again and begins to climb, the sharp ascent harsh on my already restricted airway. “And you’re both going to keep your mouths shut about it.” The ground shifts beneath my feet, spots flickering at the edges of my vision as my heart tries to pump enough blood to my head—to keep all of my organs working.

I stop for a moment, hands on my knees as I pant, willing my head to clear, my body to keep going just a little while longer. An arm wraps around my waist and when I glance up Xaden is looking away, jaw flexing as he steadies me. He doesn’t speak, doesn’t even spare me a glance as he supports my weight through the rest of the climb.

“What were you guys doing tonight, anyway?” Violet asks and I tense at the same time Xaden does.

“What makes you ask?” Liam says cautiously, his tone almost pleading. Don’t ask, Vi. I think. Just leave it.

“You made it to my room within minutes and you’re not exactly dressed for sleeping.”

“Maybe I sleep in my armour too.” The blonde Tyr suggests.

“Then you should pick more trustworthy bedmates.”

Despite the animosity between us, the hurt unfurled in my gut, Xaden and I share a quick amused look at that, so fleeting I almost think I imagined it. I glance back at my sister as we continue up the path and find her looking up at Liam with a smile on her face, a true, happy smile. Liam grins down at her. “Are you offering?”

Violet blushes, glancing at me for a moment before ducking her head, avoiding Liam’s eyes. He grins, his hand carding over the back of her hair and I smile, a pang of jealousy hitting me as I look at them. They’re perfect for each other.

“So you’re not going to tell me?” Violet finally asks, like a dog with a bone. I stifle a laugh at the frustration I see in Xaden’s face, his jaw clenched as he silently wills Liam to keep quiet.

“Nope.” The Tyr says cheerfully, helping her up the rest of the ascent. When we reach the stonewalled end of the tunnel, Xaden lets go of me, channeling his magic to open another door. We step out into the crisp, freezing cold November air and I shiver, pulling Violet’s cloak tighter around me.

“Wow,” I whisper, studying the hidden exit into the flight field. It’s built into a stack of boulders on the eastern side and I wonder how he found it—how many people know about it.

“It’s camouflaged.” Xaden leaves the door ajar, but it hardly matters, it blends into the rock as if it’s a part of it. Steady wingbeats sound through the cold night air and I look up to find four dragons blocking out the stars as they descend. The earth shudders as they land in front of us, Tairn and Sgaeyl’s bulk especially rocking the ground with their impact, but I don’t even spare them a glance, I only have eyes for Lía.

Before I can even think, I’m running. My hands slam into Lía’s maw as I grasp her tight, lowering my forehead to her snout. “Lía.” I press close, tears forming in my eyes.

“It’s ok, little one.” She chuffs softly, nudging me with her nose. “You’re ok.” I leave my face there for a moment, pressing a kiss to her scales.

“How did you know?” I ask her, meeting her eye as she turns her head, her nose still pressed to my ribs. “How did you know Violet needed help? That they were in our rooms?”

She chuffs softly, nudging me again as if making sure I’m really alright. “Andarna told me. She asked for help because she knew the wingleader wouldn’t make it back in time.” I turn, watching the little gold dragon as she lopes around Sgaeyl’s claws, skidding to a stop in front of Violet. Her nose nudges Violet’s ribs just as Lía had done to me and I know she’s checking to make sure her bonded is ok.

I let my hand fall from Lía’s maw, stepping over as Violet reassures her aloud. “No broken bones, they’re just bruised.” She strokes her hand over the ridges atop Andarna’s head. There’s a pause for a moment and then Violet says, “as sure as I can be.”

I step closer, Andarna’s head swinging toward me as I raise my hand. For a second I feel stupid but then she’s pushing her nose into my palm, nudging me with her head. “Thank you.” I whisper, curling my arms around her head as I do with Lía. “For warning me.” She makes a small noise, nudging my ribs with her head.

“She’s grateful.” Lía says. “That you helped her.” As if there would have been any other choice. Despite the state of our relationship, I’d never leave Violet to fight alone. I’d fight until my last breath to eviscerate anyone who dared to hurt her.

I step back again, moving to Lia so I can settle myself behind her head, in the safe space between her maw and body, protected. I wrap my arms around myself, pulling the cloak tight and look up as a soft exhale of air hits me.

Sgaeyl’s much larger blue nose presses against me, nudging me in the chest almost affectionately. I stare up at her in awe, my hand just resting on the scales above her wicked teeth as she chuffs. I peer around her for only a second, just long enough to catch Xaden’s furious expression and wince, stepping back quickly and pulling my hand away.

Sgaeyl huffs, hot air blowing my hood back off my face, but then she retreats, her maw retracting from Lía’s space.

“Yes, I want a word.” Xaden’s voice cuts through the air harshly. “What the hell kind of powers are you channeling to her?” He demands and I risk another glance, leaning around to find him staring up at Tairn like the dragon isn’t big enough to squash him like a bug. I wonder if he and Sgaeyl being bonded mates means that Tairn treats Xaden with affection, the way Sgaeyl seems to, me.

I quickly discount that theory as steam expels from the black dragon’s nostrils.

Violet speaks then. “He says—”

“I heard him,” Xaden cuts her off, not sparing her a glance.

“You what?” Violet’s eyebrows hit her hairline and Andarna retreats to stand with Tairn and Sgaeyl.

Dragons are only supposed to talk to their riders, that’s what we’ve always been taught. But then, Xaden isn’t exactly normal and neither is their situation. I have no idea if Tairn is talking to Xaden, or Xaden is reading Tairn’s mind. “It’s absolutely my business when you expect me to protect her,” Xaden's voice rises, agitation rolling off him in waves.

I tense as Tairn’s head begins to swivel in that classic snakelike motion, the one that screams fury in dragon body language. Sgaeyl won’t let anything happen to Xaden…right? I wish I could hear the other side of the conversation.

“And I barely made it.” Xaden’s next words come out clipped through clenched teeth. “She would have been dead if I’d been thirty seconds later.” We’d all be dead, I realise. Everyone except Liam. They’d have killed me, then Violet and the knock-on effect probably would have taken out all of our dragons and Xaden.

Tairn’s chest rumbles with a growl and I dart out from between Lía’s legs, glaring up at him furiously. I’m barely in the open air for a second before she scoops me up, her teeth in the hood of my cloak, a yelp escaping me as she drags me back between her forelegs. “Stay here.” My dragon says, an undercurrent of worry in her voice. It only causes the anxiety rising within me to flare.

“Violet!” I call sharply, asking her to get her dragon under control. As much as one can ever control a dragon.

“And I’d like to know what the fuck happened in there!” I draw in a shaky breath, mentally pleading for Xaden to calm down. I’ve never seen someone yell at another rider’s dragon before, apart from, well…me.

“Don’t hurt him.” Violet begs Tairn, staring up at him pleadingly. “He saved me.”

“And therefore you, asshole.” I can’t help but mutter, not considering the exceptional hearing that dragons possess—far and above the senses of humans. Their heads all swivel toward me and I freeze, stiffening as Lía pulls me back underneath her maw, her teeth having still been lodged in my cloak.

Frankly, Violet’s dragon terrifies and aggravates me in equal measure. I don’t like him.

“We need to know what happened in that room.” Xaden says, looking at me, then at Violet, levelling his gaze on her. I meet Liam’s eyes over my sister’s shoulder, both of us looking equally confused. I have no idea why we’re here.

Xaden tilts his chin, glaring up at the massive black dragon fearlessly and I assume something is said, because Tairn’s mouth opens, his tongue curling in a motion I know means he’s preparing to breathe fire.

“Don’t you dare!” I hiss. Fucking ungrateful lizard. Lía snorts behind me, hot steam hitting my neck as I dart around her, avoiding her teeth as I stride toward them. “Violet, tell your fucking dragon to keep his flames to himself.”

She moves to do just that as Xaden catches me around the waist, pulling me back from the morningstartail flicking in my direction threateningly. I inhale sharply, turning my stare on furious golden eyes as Violet says, “He’s just a little freaked out. Don’t scorch him.”

Slowly, Violet turns, looking away from her own dragon and up at the Blue Daggertail next to him. “She talked to me.” She blinks back at Xaden and my mouth falls open. What the fuck? I feel almost slighted, tilting my chin to look up at Sgaeyl, affronted.

“I know.” Xaden answers, his warm presence still pressed to my side. “I heard. It’s because they’re mates—it’s the same reason I’m chained to you.” I’m still jealous.

“You make it sound so pleasant.” My sister says dryly, offering him a disdainful look.

“It’s not.” He retorts and I’m quickly reminded of his words from in the tunnel not even half an hour ago. Let alone…you. I swallow heavily, pulling my body out of his embrace, shifting uncomfortably on my feet.

“But it’s what we are, Violence.” He says and I grit my teeth together. “We’re chained. Tethered. You die, I die, so I damn well deserve to know how the hell your sister was under that guy’s knife, with you across the room one second and then you were both free in another.” Oh. Oh. I’d thought—well, I’d thought I’d imagined that to be honest. That maybe it was just the trauma causing my brain to forget—to process things differently. I hadn’t thought…

“Is that the signet power you’ve manifested with Tairn?” Xaden demands, eyeing my sister angrily. “Come clean. Now.” I look between them as he glares at Violet, my sister shifting nervously as she reaches out to grab Liam’s hand.

“I don’t know what happened,” she answers, pivoting a second later to face Andarna, her head tilting like she’s listening intently.

“Nature likes all things in balance,” she addresses us after a moment and I know she’s repeating what the feathertail has said. “That’s the first thing we’re taught.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Xaden asks and I realise he must not be able to speak to Andarna’s mind the way he can Tairn's. Sgaeyl really must be the conduit between them and perhaps it can’t extend to Andarna.

Violet’s silent for a longer time and I watch as Andarna sits, flicking her feathertail along the frost-laden grass. Sgaeyl clicks her talons like nails on the ground and I look between them all, realising Xaden’s at least hearing some of the conversation. I’m not sure why I even had to come. I’m not a part of this, not really.

Finally Violet speaks. “Feathertails shouldn’t bond because they can accidentally gift their powers to humans. Dragons can’t channel—not really—until we’re big, but we’re all born with something special.” When she finishes that sentence, her cadence changes. “Like a signet?” She asks and I understand this is her speaking.

They all fall silent again, their heads swivelling toward Sgaeyl and I throw my hands up in annoyance, stalking back to my own dragon. “I don’t know why I’m even here.” I murmur into her maw.

“But I gave my gift directly to you. Because I’m still a feathertail.” Violet continues reciting for Xaden’s benefit and I turn, grinding my teeth together. Still? That sounds an awful lot like she means she’s a baby, the fucking liar.

“You’re still a feathertail?” Violet asks, realisation colouring her tone. After a beat she says, “You’re…you’re a hatchling,” her voice a low whisper.

Andarna puffs steam into the air and I lean back on Lía’s foreleg, watching as Xaden looks between them sharply. “She’s a what?”

Violet looks up at Tairn, a displeased expression on her face. They go back and forth for another few moments, in which I only get half the conversation still, before suddenly Xaden steps toward Sgaeyl, a wounded look on his face. “Hold on. Is Andarna yours?” He asks, clearly hurt. “Have you hidden a a hatchling away from me these last two years?”

I bite my lip, resisting the urge to go back over there. It’s not my place. “Lía?” I ask her, looking up at her desperately. “Can we go flying?”

She tilts her head, her eye meeting mine. “I think you should be here for this.” She says hesitantly and I shake my head. I don’t want to be. I don’t care anymore, this entire night has been—a fucking nightmare. I just want to go and curl up in my bed in the infirmary and have a good cry.

Liam is stalwart behind Violet, his steady grip offering her support as she and Xaden go back and forth with their dragons and I focus on the box inside my head, sealing myself away so diligently I feel nothing. I shove everything, all of yesterday’s events and all of tonight’s through the valve, burying it. I seal off Lía’s window until it’s airtight and expand the spikes all around the edges, wrapping myself in Brennan’s blanket.

When I open my eyes, my cheeks are wet and I wipe them quickly before anyone can notice. I stand, ignoring the nudge from Lía behind me and turn in the direction of the tunnel, moving to exit the flight field and make my way to the infirmary, or maybe I’ll just go back to the dorms and wake Sage, because fuck what our wingleader says.

My footsteps halt at the sound of Xaden’s shocked voice, ringing across the distance between us. “You can stop time?” When I turn slightly, he’s looking at Andarna. That makes sense, given what happened tonight. In hindsight, it’s obvious that Violet would have two powers, I think, a little bitter.

“In small increments,” My sister whispers and Xaden echoes it slowly, like he’s absorbing the information. “And if I use it too much, I can kill you,” Violet says softly to Andarna. Because she’s a baby, which also makes sense given the toddler-sized indignation she reacts with anytime someone calls her one.

“Is Professor Carr going to kill me, too?” I tense at that, finally looking at my sister fully. Liam’s hands are on her shoulders, his thumbs stroking soothingly and even Xaden reaches out as if to comfort her, his hand dropping at the last second.

“Why would you think that?” He asks.

“You said he would have killed Jeremiah if Remi hadn’t—if—”

“Jeremiah was an inntinnsic.” Xaden’s voice lowers. “A mind reader is a capital offence. You know that.”

Violet looks terrified. “And what are they going to do if they find out I can stop time?”

“They’re not going to find out,” Xaden promises. “No one here is going to tell them.” With that, the dragons begin to take off and I duck into the hidden door of the tunnel, not bothering to wait for any of them.

“Promise me you won’t tell anyone about the time-stopping,” I hear Xaden say as they enter behind me. “It’s not just for your safety. Rare abilities, when kept secret, are the most valuable form of currency we possess.” Like being an inntinnsic of some kind when you lead a group of separatists.

“We need to figure out how unbonded cadets got into your room,” he says and I listen with half an ear as I pull ahead.

“There was a rider there,” Violet tells him. “She must have unlocked it from the outside. She ran away before you arrived”

I snort. “She decided to try her luck with the other sister, actually.” I call, not bothering to even look over my shoulder.

“Who?” His voice rings out, low and angry.

“Why do you care?” I retort, rolling my eyes as I continue along in the dim, not sparing him even a glance.

“Amber Mavis.” Violet answers, her voice soft.

“I’ll take care of it.” Xaden answers and I grit my teeth.

“You’ve got until formation tomorrow.” I call out, my voice toneless. “After that she’s going to find herself missing a trachea.” My voice is still raspy, my neck throbbing, and I’m damn well not going to let someone like Dain’s little girlfriend—who ran away—get away with it. As far as I’m concerned, she’s responsible for everything that happened after.

“Rem.” Violet calls, but I don’t slow, moving swiftly down into the tunnel door and out into the academic wing. I have places to be.

Chapter Text

💫     🐉      ⚔️      🔥      🖤

“I’m just tired of being hurt.” I say to Sage quietly, leaning over during morning formation. “And I mean, it’s my own fault, I can’t really blame anyone else.” I shrug.

She wraps her arm through mine, pulling me into her side. “You can’t help what you feel.” She says, “or who you feel it for.” Maybe not. I wish so badly that I could though. I’d slunk into her room, waking her from her sleep at almost four in the morning to fill her in on everything but Andarna’s power.

She was furious I hadn’t woken her earlier, Xaden’s orders be damned. We squint into the sunlight, my eyes searching out Amber Mavis as Captain Fitzgibbons reads the death roll. I’m dressed impeccably, my hair in a tight, hanging braid with poison barbs woven through it, my leathers pristine. Around us, other riders stare at the ring of black and blue bruises encircling my throat.

I’d been to see Nolon and Winifred before breakfast, Sage in tow, and they were most unimpressed at the fact that Violet and I had been attacked in our bedrooms. The Codex might not be as sacred to them as it is to some people, but I certainly am.

Nolon had mended my arm before declaring my larynx should be left to heal on its own, though Win had smoothed the process over with some medicine. There wasn’t much they could do for the bruising though, so the shape of a man’s hand was prominently displayed on my body.

Amber Mavis is in her usual place with Third Wing, so considering formation is about to wind down, I’m going to assume Xaden’s leaving her for me to deal with, which suits me just fine. I’m armed to the teeth, which I’d like to say is because I got up prepared to have to deal with her, but to be honest I don’t think I’ll go anywhere less armed than this ever again.

Captain Fitzgibbons begins making some minor announcements and I tune him out as Xaden comes striding down the grass through the gap between Tail and Flame sections. My heart stutters at the sight of his windblown hair and I force the feeling down viciously, one foot in the box as it has been since last night. The spikes are still fully extended and the angry, hurt part of me hopes he dares to try and look, given what happened to Jeremiah.

Bodhi turns in place next to our section leader and as his eyes meet mine, my heart drops because he’s looking at me with dread. “Look at Bodhi.” I murmur to Sage as Xaden stalks toward us, tension practically radiating off him.

He comes to a stop between our squad and my sister’s, not deigning to offer me so much as a glance as he turns toward Dain, Ronan standing at attention on his other side. “There’s a change to your squad roll.”

My eyes snap back to Bodhi. “Wingleader?” I hear Dain question. “We just absorbed four from the dissolution of the third squad?”

“Yes.” When I glance back, Xaden’s looking at our squad. “Ronan, we’re making a roll change.”

“Yes, sir.” My squad leader nods once and my brow furrows.

“Aetos, Vaughn Penley will be leaving your command and you’ll be gaining Liam Mairi from Tail Section.” All the air leaves my lungs. He—he’s taking Liam. He’s taking my first ever friend from my squad, for her. Sage grips my hand, squeezing my arm between her body and mine so firmly it will probably bruise.

Slowly, Liam steps out of our formation, trying to catch my eye. I look at the ground, clutching at Sage like a lifeline. I refuse to look up. I don’t want to look at any of them. I don’t want any of them looking at me, except they all are. Because they all know exactly how fragile my mental state is and they’re aware that this could tip it.

I swallow, letting my eyes unfocus as I concentrate on grounding, breathing in and out steadily. I wonder if Liam knew—if this was always the plan and last night’s attack simply sped up the timeline. What was it he said to me when he gave me the little dagger I now wear around my neck? ‘Even if I’m not standing next to you, I’m still your friend’?

Violet’s certainly not going to be complaining. She has her sort-of-love interest with her now, every waking moment of the day. It’s a dream come true for her and suddenly I feel like laughing. The only time we ever had as friends anymore was in the classes we didn’t share with Flame’s Second Squad. Now that’s gone too. I keep my gaze trained straight ahead, pretending to listen to the last of Fitzgibbons’ announcements. It’s just as I told Bodhi after Threshing, my position on anyone’s priority list—apart from Sage—is non-existent.

Xaden’s voice sounds from next to us once more. “Liam is statistically the strongest first-year in the quadrant. He has the fastest time up the Gauntlet, hasn’t lost a single challenge, and is bonded to an exceptionally strong Red Daggertail. Any squad would be lucky to have him and he’s all yours, Aetos. You can thank me when you win the Squad Battle in the spring.”

Yeah, not if I have anything to do with it. I turn my head suddenly, meeting Sage’s eyes and see the same fire reflected in her. I glance further left, to where Morgan is standing and she nods almost imperceptibly, her mouth turned down in a frown. It doesn’t make me feel any better, but at least I know the rest of my squad doesn’t appreciate this change either, nor the disregard our section is treated with.

From the corner of my eye, I catch Xaden having a quiet discussion with Violet before he heads back to his place at the front of our formation.

“Fucking mated dragons,” Dain mutters, keeping his eyes forward and for once, I agree with him—Sgaeyl couldn’t have picked a different damn dragon to mate with? What makes Tairn so great?

Fitzgibbons finishes his announcements and steps to the back of the dais, which would usually signal the end of formation, but Commandant Panchek takes the podium. His presence in itself is rather unusual.

“Do you think this is it?” Sage asks, “that they might actually be doing something about it?” I think she’s right. He’s fumbling with a Codex. Finally, he begins to speak, telling us there’s another matter he needs to handle this morning.

I’m distracted by Dain and Violet arguing not-so-quietly across from us and when I finally manage to concentrate Panchek is saying, “it has been brought to my attention as your commandant that a breach of the Codex has occurred. As you know, breaches of our most sacred laws are not to be tolerated.” Definitely about us, then.

“This matter will be addressed here and now. Will the accuser please step forward.” I startle a little, wondering if that’s supposed to be me. I look over at Violet, but she’s preoccupied, chattering away with the rest of her squad. She obviously hasn’t even realised what’s happening.

I look back up to the dais and my mouth falls open as Xaden climbs the steps. I’d assumed that he was going to let me handle it and in my mind, I’d thought maybe that was because he didn’t want to get involved in the broader politics of the quadrant. I’d thought maybe he had considered it and decided it wasn’t worth whatever scrutiny it would bring him under. I was wrong.

“Early this morning,” he begins, his deep voice carrying over the formation as he stands at the podium, “two riders in my wing were brutally, illegally attacked in their sleep with the intent of murder by a group primarily composed of unbondeds.” Oh. I begin to put a few more pieces together.

I hadn’t known any of our assailants last night aside from Mavis—I had just assumed they hated us because of our family name. Or because of my general attitude. I’d even considered it was some sort of vindictive revenge for one of the cadets whose throats I’d slit. I didn’t know they were unbonded—they were after Tairn.

A collection of murmurs and gasps fills the air, and I tilt my chin up, keeping my gaze fixed on the citadel’s exterior wall, beyond the dais. “As we all know, this is a violation of Article Three, Section Two of the Dragon Rider’s Codex and, in addition to being dishonourable, is a capital offence.” I feel the weight of their stares, the mottled bruising around my throat a glaring indicator of who he’s talking about.

“Having been alerted by my dragon, I interrupted the attack along with two other Fourth Wing riders.” He dips his chin toward our wing and Garrick and Bodhi break formation, then climb the steps to stand behind Xaden, their hands at their sides. “As it was a matter of life and death, I personally executed four of the would-be murderers, as witnessed by Flame Section Leader Garrick Tavis and Tail Section Executive Officer Bodhi Durran.” A tiny smirk tilts his lips. “One was already dead.”

I clench my fists. It feels like a reminder of my failure—that out of six assailants in total, I only managed to take out one.

“But the attack was orchestrated by a rider who fled before I arrived,” Xaden continues, his voice rising. “A rider who had access to the map of where all first-years are assigned to sleep, and that rider must be brought to swift justice.” Finally, his eyes meet mine, burning in their intensity. “I call you to answer for your crimes against Cadets Remi and Violet Sorrengail,” Xaden’s focus shifts to the center of the formation. “Wingleader Amber Mavis.”

The quadrant draws a collective breath before an uproar rips through the crowd. “What the hell?” Dain bites out across from us. I keep my eyes on the dais, stiffening as basically every rider in the quadrant turns to look between my sister and I, and Amber Mavis.

“Amber would never.” Dain shakes his head and I almost want to laugh. Violet once said something similar to me about him. I’m glad she’s started to learn the error of her ways. “A wingleader would never.” I try not to look at him, but his next words have me spitting fire. “Get up there and tell everyone that he’s lying, Vi.”

“But he’s not,” She says gently, far more tolerant than I’ll ever be.

“It’s impossible.” His cheeks have flushed a mottled shade of red and I turn, giving him the deadliest glare I can muster.

“Call me a liar again.” I dare him.

“I was there, Dain.” Violet says, her voice pained and when she glances across at me, I don’t have the heart to say I told you so.

“Wingleaders are beyond reproach—”

“Then why are you so quick to call our own wingleader a liar?” I let out a startled laugh at my twin’s words, grinning appreciatively.

“Why are you so quick to believe a woman you fucked for a year, over the one you grew up with? Your best friend?” I ask him, taking a step toward them. “Look at her.” I point at my sister, keeping my voice low. “Look her in the eye and call her a liar.” I glare at him.

Amber steps forward, separating herself from the formation and I watch her with angry eyes as she calls out, “I have committed no such crime!”

“See?” Dain swings his arm, pointing toward the redhead. “Put a stop to this right now, Violet.”

“She was with them in my room,” Violet says simply. “And after that, she left five cadets in there to kill me while she went to Remi’s room to kill her.”

“That’s impossible.” He lifts his hands, as though ready to cup my sister’s face. “Let me see.” Before I can even step forward, Violet is stumbling back. She shakes her head, creating more distance between them. “Give me the memory,” he orders.

She glances at me, panicked, and I understand exactly what it is she doesn’t want him knowing. if Dain finds out about Andarna’s power, it will be a catastrophe. He’ll run straight to his father. Violet lifts her chin, saying darkly, “Touch me without permission, and you’ll spend the rest of your life regretting it.” Liam steps closer to her side and I wonder if he’s any better at grounding than she is.

“Wingleaders.” Xaden projects his voice over the chaos. “We need a quorum.” Both Nyra and Septon Izar—the wingleaders for First and Second Wing—climb the stairs to the dais, passing by Amber as she stands utterly exposed in the courtyard. I’m not concerned with whether they find her guilty or not to be honest. I’m going after her, either way. She took five cadets into my sister’s room in the middle of the night—she deserves what’s coming to her.

A familiar chaos fills the air, and just like Conscription Day all those months ago, we look towards the ridgeline as seven dragons curve along the mountain, flying straight for us. The biggest among them is Tairn, but my eyes are locked on Lía. In a matter of seconds, they reach the citadel and hover over the courtyard walls. Wind from the strong beats of their wings blasts through the courtyard and one by one, they land on their perch.

Tairn is in the center, Sgaeyl to the right, taking her position behind Xaden. Lía rests in the space between her and Nyra’s Red Scorpiontail. She looks at me reproachfully, tilting her head so we lock eyes. I haven’t dropped my shields since last night when she refused to take me flying. I still don’t.

The Brown Daggertail looms behind Septon, so I assume they’re bonded. Panchek has a Green Clubtail, which means Amber’s dragon is the Orange Daggertail along the edge, puffing blasts of steam.

“You can stop this all right now, Violet. You have to,” Dain implores. “I don’t know what you saw last night, but it wasn’t Amber. She cares too much about the rules to break them.”

“You’re using this to get your revenge on my family!” Amber shouts at Xaden. “For not supporting your father’s rebellion!” I let out a startled laugh.

“I don’t even know who her family is.” I murmur to Sage, “are they meant to be important?” Xaden doesn’t even acknowledge her outburst as he turns to the other wingleaders.

I watch intently as they begin speaking, my attention wavering as Tairn chuffs on the wall behind them and suddenly all of the dragons other than he and Sgaeyl stiffen, even Lía. I look around in confusion as one by one, riders in the courtyard follow suit until all of them are silent.

“What’s going on?” I ask as Sage stiffens beside me, wondering if I have no choice but to drop my shields.

“Tairn shared a memory of the attack to convince them.” She says tightly, her hand grasping mine. “The dragons shared it with their riders, so everyone knows it’s the truth.” I swallow, looking up at her.

“A memory?” She winces and my head snaps over to my sister, who’s returned to arguing fiercely with Dain. I look back at Sage, drawing in a shaky breath as I connect the dots. “Are you telling me, that the entire quadrant, has seen me half-naked, getting strangled to death?” Sage doesn’t answer and I blink back tears, glaring furiously up at Tairn.

“The wingleaders have formed a quorum and are in unanimous agreement,” Xaden announces and I think I would rather have just killed her myself, than have to deal with this. He’s flanked by Nyra and Septon while the commandant hangs back. “We find you guilty, Amber Mavis.”

“No!” the blonde shouts. “It is no crime to rid the quadrant of the weakest riders! I did it to protect the integrity of the wings!” She paces in a panic, looking to everyone—anyone—for help. As a whole, the formation moves backward. Her words ring true though, and I realise this won’t be the end. They’ve all seen my weakness now, seen it laid bare and it will embolden others to try their luck. Amber Mavis’ failure and subsequent execution only means they’ll work harder to do it inside the Codex.

“As is our law, your sentence will be carried out by fire,” Nyra states.

“No!” Amber looks to her dragon. “Claidh!” Amber’s Orange Daggertail snarls at the other dragons and lifts a claw. Tairn swivels his massive head toward Claidh, his roar shaking the ground. He snaps his teeth at the smaller orange, and she retreats, her head hanging as she grips the wall again. I look away, meeting Lía’s eyes.

“Please don’t,” I hear Violet’s voice beg and I take a steadying breath. She’s such a damn bleeding heart. I look over at her, watching her shake her head at Tairn. Guilt is written all over her face and I know it’s not for Amber, but Claidh. My sister turns to Xaden, begging. “Please, give her a chance.” Her voice breaks.

He doesn’t show even a flicker of emotion and I bite my lip, wishing he would let her see he’s more than the callous attitude he puts on. I look between the two of them and then their dragons on the exterior wall. Forever is a long time.

I let my shields fall, reaching out to Lía softly. “Lía.” She tilts her head and I lift my chin. “Please.”

Before Tairn can do anything, Lía is leaning down and extending her head past the dais, parting her teeth for a blast of fire to expel. It’s so hot I can feel it on my skin from here and it incinerates Mavis almost instantly. A gruesome scream rends the air, shattering a window in the academic wing, and almost every rider slams their hands over their ears as Claidh mourns.

I force myself to hear it.

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It’s Bodhi who finds me after, his brow furrowed in concern as he sits down next to me by the lake.

“Are you ok?”

I exhale slowly, dropping my sketchbook off to the side. “No.” I’m tired of not being ok.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know Xaden was going to move Liam until this morning.”

I shrug, running my fingers over my graphites. “It is what it is.” Violet’s life is more valuable than mine, there’s nothing anyone can do about it. “I get it. He wants someone there to protect his interests.” And who would he trust more than Liam?

“I thought you’d be more upset.” He says cautiously and I suppose he’s right to think so. He doesn’t know I’m practically disassociating, half here and half in the far away space of the box inside my head.

“Do you want me to be?” I say dully. “I can scream and cry and rage but it won’t make a difference, so what’s the point.”

He’s quiet for a moment. “You don’t have to pretend you’re fine, Remi. Not if you need to scream and cry.” But I do, really. It’s not endearing, this jealousy I have. Screaming and crying because I feel like my twin has everything won’t make people like me, it will only make them hate me more.

I don’t explain that to him, though. I don’t want to sound bitter. “It’s not like it’s a surprise.” I say instead. “I knew I’d be well below eighty-seven, so it’s…it’s whatever.”

“Eighty-seven?” He looks at me questioningly.

I shrug. “With Xaden.” I say tonelessly. “Violet’s number one, then there’s you, Liam and another eighty three marked ones.” I breathe in slowly. “That would put me at eighty seven, if he even considered how I felt.” I shrug again. “So yeah. I’m not surprised Liam’s been moved, why wouldn’t he be?”

I’m trying to convince myself as much as him. The truth is I’m not surprised Xaden would do it—obviously it makes sense from his point of view. I’m just…caught off guard. I wasn’t expecting it and after last night, it feels like a punishment.

I guess I just want someone to protect me for once. For once I don’t want to have to be strong, to be the older sister, the one who makes all the difficult choices—takes care of everyone else. For once I want to be able to curl up and let someone take care of me.

But I’ve been alone for years and angry for just as long. I don’t know anything else.

“I love Violet. I do.” I swallow, digging my fingers into the grass. “I want her to be safe.”

“I know you do.” He answers.

“I’m sorry.” I tip myself sideways, leaning my head on his shoulder. “I hate that I’m so bitter and selfish.”

His arm wraps around my waist, holding me against his side. “You’re not, Rem.” He murmurs quietly. “You just take on too much.” His cheek rests on top of my hair. “Don’t think I didn’t notice Lía stepping in this morning at the opportune moment.”

I shrug. “We’re bound to our dragons for life.” I whisper. “Violet already thinks I’m…remorseless.” I decide on. “She doesn’t need to feel that way about Tairn just yet.”

Bodhi sighs, the force of it jostling me. “And you call yourself selfish.”

“What else would you call it?” I lift my head. “I want too much and I get jealous and angry when I can’t have it—when I see others with it. It’s not…it’s not nice.” I finish.

“That’s just being human, Rem.” He shrugs, meeting my eyes. “And I think it’s a little more complex than you make it out to be.” I frown, feeling affronted. “Would you begrudge me spending time with another woman? Someone I really like?”

I shake my head immediately, wondering if this is hypothetical or if he’s actually trying to tell me something.

“If it were Violet though…” He trails off and my lips turn down. I squirm uncomfortably, taking his point. “You don’t mind that Sage spends time with Rhiannon.” He says gently. “Or Liam. But if she were to spend time with Violet…” I cringe a little.

“I wouldn’t say you’re a terrible, jealous person, Remi. You just have a complicated relationship with your sister.”

I drop my head back to his shoulder, still frowning. “I used to think it would go away.” I say quietly. “The jealousy. The anger, the disappointment. I thought once I got away from here and got my own space, I’d feel better.”

“Maybe you will.” His hand strokes over my side.

“If I get away from here.” I tell him and he sucks in a sharp breath. “I almost died last night and that wasn’t even—it wasn’t even in the top five most dangerous situations we’re going to be put in. I was just sleeping.” I sigh, closing my eyes. “I—I’m trying, don’t get me wrong. I just…three years is a long time.” I say.

“And then after that we’re going to be involved in the fighting, I assume. It doesn’t seem like there’ll be any midland posts left in three years time, the way the border situation is evolving.” He tenses. “Don’t think I don’t notice that.” I say sharply. “Just because I’m not asking, doesn’t mean I don’t notice you lot getting up to no good.” I chide, fighting the pull at the corner of my lips.

He snorts, his body shaking. “I can’t say anything—”

“I know.” I cut him off. “It’s why I’m not asking.” I shrug. “I’m well aware that I’d have to go to number one for that.” And he’d probably spit in my face at this point.

Bodhi chuckles. “What is it with you and numbers?”

“I like math. Numbers don’t lie. They’re never anything but what they are.”

“Not everything can be reduced to numbers, Rem.” When I look up, he’s smiling.

“Sure it can.” I offer. “You’re four, by the way.”

He frowns. “Four?” He says, almost affronted. “Don’t tell me Liam ditched Tail and he’s still above me?”

A grin overtakes my face. “No.” I laugh. “Mira, Violet, Sage…then you.” I shake my head. “Liam’s plummeted. He’s definitely like…six now.”

“Where’s Xaden?”

My smile drops. “How many people do you think there are in Navarre?”

He stills. “That bad, huh?”

“I was considering including Poromiel, but I don’t think we have the data for that.” I offer him a sharp smile.

“Remi—”

“Did I fuck things up for you? With him?” I interrupt. “I’m sorry, if he—I didn’t think he still hated me enough to be mad about it.” I apologise.

Bodhi groans, collapsing back into the grass. A chuckle leaves his mouth, then another. “Remi. He’s not mad because he hates you.”

I frown. “Well…he was definitely mad.” I say. He might have saved me last night, but given his words afterward, I think it’s pretty clear saving me was just a byproduct of saving Violet.

“You’re so oblivious.” Bodhi mutters. “He was angry because he’s interested.”

I stare at him, trying to understand what he’s saying. “Interested in what?”

“In you, you fucking idiot.”

My mouth falls open. “No he’s not!” I protest, shaking my head. “Where on earth did you get that idea from?” I make a face.

“I don’t know,” he says dryly, “maybe I just have eyes?”

I roll mine. “Well your eyes are wrong.” I huff. “As much as I’d hoped to maybe one day be eighty-six,” I look at him pointedly, “I’m nothing to him.” If it comes out bitter, well, that’s reflective.

“He flirts with you. He touches your hair.”

I flinch at the reminder. “He hates me.” I insist. “And he flirts with Violence, not me.” Maybe I’d thought he was, once, but that had been quickly disproven.

Bodhi winces. “I—”

“I don’t fuck first-years.” I recite, matching the tone exactly. “Even when I was one—let alone…you.” It’s silent for a moment and I swallow harshly. “Can’t really misinterpret that.” I say softly, climbing to my feet. I avoid his eyes as I slip my things back into my rucksack and sling it over my shoulders.

“I’ll see you later.”

I make my way toward the flight field, leaving Bodhi by the lake.

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“I think maybe I’m ready to try holding on when we dive.” I say, pushing down the panic that rises at just the idea.

Lía’s been quiet today, not really offering much aside from her usual warnings as we go into each manoeuvre. She’s not happy I’m still keeping her mostly out of my head, focusing on just leaving enough of a gap in that window so we can speak to each other, but not blend our minds.

“Do you want to try today?” I ask her and slide off her back, landing in a crouch next to her foreleg. “Lía?” I prompt, looking up at her when she doesn’t answer.

I heave out a breath, feeling agitation rise within me as the other dragons begin to take off, their riders leaving the flight field. I wave Sage on as Fionn takes to the sky, not wanting her to have to wait around while we hash this out.

“I don’t like not being able to feel you.” Lía says suddenly. “Anything could happen to you and I wouldn’t know.” She’d know if I died, of course, but I suppose she means anything else.

“You don’t want to be in here, right now.” I tell her, looking down at the ground.

“I do.” She says strongly, steam rolling out of her nostrils as she nudges me harshly with her nose. “I want to know you’re ok.”

“I’m not ok!” I snap at her, forgetting to address her mind-to-mind rather than aloud. Violet looks over at me, startled, from where Tairn is still present on Lía’s other side—the only other pair left on the field. “This is not somewhere you want to be.” I say harshly. “Even I don’t want to be in here.” I tell her, watching her tail swish agitatedly.

“You can’t block me out forever.” She says. “It’s too dangerous.”

We’re meant to be in sync, I know that. I just don’t want her to have to suffer the way I am. I grit my teeth together. “You really want to know how I feel?” I ask her, and as her maw comes down to press against my ribs, I rip open the window, pulling it away and unsealing the valve at the same time.

All of my pain, my anger, my humiliation rushes forth in a torrent, like a tidal wave of grief and angst flooding the box. Lía rears back and the sound she makes—it will haunt me for a long, long time. It rings in my ears, a mournful screech almost like the sound Claidh had made at formation as her rider burnt to death.

I scramble back, quickly slamming the window shut as I force some semblance of order back into my mind, pressing everything down, even as my hands shake in the real world. When I have the bare minimum of order reattained, I crack the window open just a fraction.

“Remi,” she cries and the way she says my name makes my heart ache.

“Do you understand?” I ask her gently as she drags me toward her with her fore-claws. “I don’t want you to have to feel that.” I tell her, because it can’t stay locked down forever. The valve is only ever a temporary relief.

“I care about you.” I tell her softly. “I’m grateful you picked me, but what I said at Threshing still stands. I’m not nice to be around, much less in my head.”

Tears flood my eyes as she lets out another mournful keen and my heart breaks as I realise this is what it sounds like when a dragon cries. My tears spill over, running down my cheeks as she huffs out another sound and I step back out from underneath her so I can grasp her maw in my hands.

“I’m sorry.” I tell her, trying to soothe her with my hands on her scales. “I should never have opened it. Not until I had more control over it.” My lip trembles and I rock back with a startled yelp as something pushes me away from her.

I’m shoved to the side by a massive black tail, the spikes extending from the top of it level with my face as I’m pushed back into the field, away from Lía. Tairn’s massive golden eye glares down at me as I shove ineffectually at the appendage, trying to move around it to get to my dragon.

A low growl rumbles through him and my lip curls. I look up and let out a snarl as I find his mouth open, teeth exposed as blows out steam. “Fuck off Tairn!” I yell, suddenly furious. Who the hell does he think he is?

“Tairn, stop!” Violet yells anxiously, “I’m sure she didn’t mean to hurt her.”

“Hurt her?!” I yell and at the implication I’d dare hurt Lía on purpose, I pass furious and move straight on to incensed. “Mind your own business, you overgrown fucking lizard!” If he wasn’t bonded to my sister, my poisoned dagger would be in his underbelly already.

He growls, his maw opening and my eyes widen as his tongue curls. Is he seriously going to incinerate me right now? I swear to Malek—

The ground shakes, knocking my teeth together as a large, navy-blue daggertail swings down, separating me from Tairn. I look up with wide eyes, my lip shaking as Sgaeyl snaps her teeth at him, more in reprimand than in anger. Her tail sweeps again, pushing me behind her as she huffs at her mate.

I can still hear Lía making that same mournful sound and my heart drops out of my chest. Did I really hurt her? I look between the three of them, tears rolling down my cheeks as I watch Sgaeyl and Tairn disagree. Lía’s maw is on the ground and no matter what I try, she’s not answering me. I cover my face with my hands. I’m so used to it that I hadn’t thought about what it would feel like for her—having all of that grief unleashed upon her at once. A sob tears its way out of my throat and I press my palms harshly into my eyes.

I hear feet hit the ground behind me and have barely a second to react as Xaden barrels into me, yanking me toward him as shadows stretch out across the grass. He must have run through the tunnel from the academic wing. His chest is still heaving with exertion as his hands run up my sides, searching for injuries. One slides into my hair, cradling the back of my head, tilting my face up and I see panic in his eyes. “What happened?” He snaps.

My jaw trembles at the angry undercurrent in his voice and I let out a heaving sob, wondering if he thinks the worst of me too, like everyone else. “I didn’t mean to h-hurt her.” I choke out, twisting in his grip to try and get a look at Lía. “S-she wanted to know how I f-felt so I let her in.” His face makes an indiscernible expression. “And then Tairn pushed me away from h-her and he—” Xaden’s head snaps up, directing a furious glare at the black dragon ahead of him. “She won’t answer m-me.”

“Come here.” He wraps his arm around my waist, guiding me around Sgaeyl and across the grass. He keeps his body between Tairn and I, walking me up to Lía’s nose, placing my hand on her scales. She chuffs softly, making a sad sound.

“Lía!” I call desperately. “Please, I’m sorry,” I drop my head to hers. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

She’s quiet for a moment and I almost begin to think it’s payback, until she speaks. “Little one,” she says sadly, “I’m upset that it hurts you.” Her head butts against mine. “Don’t cry.” I suck in a sharp breath, willing myself to stop.

“I’m sorry.” I tell her again. “I’ll—I’ll try harder. I’ll—”

“Remi. Tell me what to do.”

“There’s nothing you can do. It comes in waves.” I pull my head back trying to dry my tears. “I just have to try and—and get better at managing it.”

“Better at managing what?”

“Feeling.” Everyone else deals with things just fine. I just need to get over it.

“I don’t care!” Xaden roars and I startle, jumping slightly as his arm curls tighter around my waist. He’s glaring furiously up at Tairn and Sgaeyl, waving his arm agitatedly and I realise they must all have been having one of their silent arguments this entire time.

There’s a tick in his jaw and I watch as he turns that murderous glare on Violet instead. “That’s none of your business.” He snaps. She looks offended, her mouth opening in indignation.

“She’s my sister. If whatever upset her—”

“She is right here.” I whisper. “Stop talking about me like I’m not.”

“Remi…” Violet says softly. “Tairn didn’t mean it. He wouldn’t hurt you.”

I can’t help the almost hysterical laugh that escapes me. “Sure.”

Violet blinks. “He wouldn’t.” She insists, staring at me in shock. Her words make no difference; I feel like everyone’s hurting me today.

“Did you ask Tairn to show everyone that memory?” I say suddenly, unable to keep it in anymore.

Violet goes quiet. “Remi—”

“You took one of the most terrifying moments of my life, where I wasn’t even fully clothed and showed it to everyone.” I whisper. “The entire fucking quadrant has seen me half-naked, being choked to death, Vi.”

I watch as it dawns on her—horrified realisation showing plainly on her face. It’s not satisfying. “I’m sorry, Remi.” She breathes out. “I didn’t even think about it. I just wanted them to believe us.”

I swallow hard, pushing back tears. “That’s the point though, isn’t it? I’m just—the afterthought. The addendum to your story.” I’m not angry, just resigned.

“You’re not an afterthought.” She frowns.

“I am.” I shrug. “But I’m used to it. It’s how it’s always been.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” She’s glaring now and I sigh.

“Forget about it.” I turn to walk away, only now realising Xaden’s arm is still wrapped around my waist—I had almost tuned out his presence entirely, as impossible as that seems.

“No, Remi! I’m sick of this, for once just say what you mean!”

I grit my teeth, turning back to her. “I meant what I said.” I tell her. “We’re twins, but you’re always the one everyone likes, the one who’s more important—to everyone. You’re everyone’s first choice—it’s how it’s always been. I’m used to it.”

“That’s not true.” She says immediately.

“Ok.” I say, my voice hoarse. I look to her expectantly. “Name one person who ever put me first.”

Her jaw falls open. “You’re joking, right?” She looks at me in disbelief. I shake my head, waiting. “Brennan!” She blurts. “You and Brennan were always together. Dad used to call you Bren and Rem because you were inseparable.”

I laugh bitterly. “Firstly, that was over a decade ago and secondly—Brennan only spent more time with me because you had dad and I had no one.” I tell her. “Dad never spent any time with me and Mira had her own friends. You were either with dad or with Dain.” I feel my jaw start to tremble again. “And you know what the real kicker is?” She shakes her head. “Brennan still put you above me.”

She opens her mouth to protest and I cut her off. “That letter our mother burned was the last thing I had from him. He knew the fighting was about to escalate. Do you know what his last words were to me?” She draws in a sharp breath. “Protect Violet, Remi.” So I have.

“I—I don’t—” Violet stutters, completely floored.

“I loved him and I love you. But sometimes it feels like no one loves me.”

Xaden’s hand slips away from my waist as I turn on my heel, making a beeline for the tunnel. I don’t want to take the stairs looking like this—I don’t need any of the other cadets in the courtyard to see my tearstained cheeks.

“I’m so sorry, Lía,” I call, ducking through the camouflaged entrance. “I need to not be here right now.” I make it halfway down the sloping hill, one hand out for balance, before I have to stop, leaning back against the wall to try and collect myself. I close my eyes, biting my lip hard enough to draw blood as I breathe in through my nose. Once, I’d thought it would feel better—her knowing how I felt, getting it off my chest—the final thing Brennan had asked of me, that I gave all of myself to honour. But it doesn’t feel better. I just feel cold.

“Brennan should never have put that on you.”

I jump, my head cracking against the wall behind me as I startle. I hold back the emotion that threatens to escape, biting my lip. “I’m sorry you had to see that.” I say quietly, one hand coming up to cover my face, even though it’s pitch black in here without mage lights. “So much for strength and ferocity.”

“If you’re waiting for me to pity you, it’s not going to happen.” He says and I can feel his dark gaze fixated on me.

“Oh, that’s right, I forgot. Our little truce is over again.” I bark out a harsh laugh, dropping my hand away. “For a minute there I almost thought you cared.” Another sob builds in my chest and I force it down viciously.

I can’t see him, but I can picture the way he’s probably grinding his teeth together, a tick in the side of his jaw as he resists the urge to throttle me. The silence stretches out long enough that I almost wonder if he’s left. He could be two feet or two inches in front of me and I’d have no idea.

When a hand touches my face, I flinch.

“I thought you were dead.” I blink and suddenly I can feel him in front of me—one hand on my cheek and one on my collarbone. “I knew you had flight lessons. I heard her cry out and when Sgaeyl told me it was Lía, I thought—” He doesn’t finish the sentence, but he doesn’t have to. He thought I fell.

I lean in slightly, despite myself.

“Well…” I pause, not really knowing what to say. The way he spoke to me in this tunnel last night and the way he’s speaking now, they don’t gel and I’m not really sure what to make of it. I was so prepared to hate him after the last twelve hours, but my heart is fighting me on it. “Rest assured if I did fall, you’d hear me screaming from the academic wing. So you’d know.” That’s probably not the correct response, in hindsight.

He chuckles. “Is someone afraid of heights?”

Silence.

“Think very carefully about what you say next.” I murmur darkly, tensing beneath his hands.

“But—you’re a rider. You fly every day with Lía?”

I clench my jaw. “I don’t have a choice. And she…she holds me there. With her power.” For a split-second I feel ashamed. “It’s not like I’ll probably be able to hold on through manoeuvres anyway.” I hastily add. “I mean, my strength is—”

“You can’t hold your seat?” He interrupts incredulously and I huff, slapping his hands away from me.

“We weren’t all blessed with working bodies, wingleader.” I move to continue down the tunnel toward the academic wing, only to run into him, his body not moving an inch from his position in front of me even though I know he can see somehow. Stupid shadow-wielder.

“Sorrengail, if you can’t—”

“Ouch.” I say sarcastically. “Back to Sorrengail?” I move to duck under what I think is his arm on the wall beside my head, only to feel his hand snaking over my shoulder. “Touch my braid and you’ll be in toxic shock in the next ten minutes.” I say sweetly.

I’m not lying. His fingers had skimmed past it earlier, tangled in the hair at my scalp. If he’d gone for the braid he would have been in for a nasty surprise, because I wasn’t exactly in the right frame of mind to stop him.

He freezes, but doesn’t back away and I exhale harshly. “Please move.”

“No.”

“I want you to know that the only reason your intestines are still in place, is because gutting you would hurt Sgaeyl.”

“Noted.”

I wait a moment, wondering if he’s going to say anything, but he remains silent. “Ok. So…this has been great and all but if you won’t let me leave and you’re not going to say anything, that doesn’t leave a lot of options.”

“I’m waiting for you to explain.”

“Explain what?” I make a face.

“How you can’t hold your damn seat!”

What the fuck. “What do you mean how?” I ask, throwing my hands up. “The muscles in my thighs don’t work properly.”

“They did when they were around my neck.”

I snort, unable to contain the laughter that escapes me. “I’m sorry.” I cry, my back hitting the wall behind me. “I—” Maybe it’s a sign of how little sleep I got last night, or how far past it I am—that my emotions are so volatile right now—but I simply can’t stop laughing.

“Amari, give me patience.”

The frustration in his voice only makes me laugh harder. “I h-had my—” I stop for a second, taking a deep breath. “I was on your shoulders for all of f-fifteen seconds.” I laugh. “I’m on Lía for a lot longer than that. And I wasn’t terrified when I was trying to fight you.”

“That much was very clear.” He mutters as my laughter dies down. “So you need to—”

“I’m doing what I can!” I protest, cutting him off as my face falls into a glare. “I practice with her all the time at low altitude and I go to the gym.” I say irritably. “I don’t need you telling me how inadequate I am—not today.”

“That’s not—”

“And while I’m thinking about it,” I interrupt again, “Consider this a warning. Don’t ever move Sage out of my squad—or even Sgaeyl won’t save you.” I kick out at him, clipping his shin with my boot. “You’re a fucking asshole.” If he thinks showing me a modicum of concern will mean I forget about Liam, he’s mistaken.

He lets out a strangled sound of frustration. “You are infuriating.”

“Look who’s talking.”

“Trying to.”

I shrug, knowing he’ll see it, even if I can’t see a thing. “That sounds like a you problem.”

“Well I’m broadening the scope.” He steps in close and I feel a hand tug on my braid, tilting my head back, only—it can’t be. His hands are on the wall either side of my head, boxing me in. “You’re going to—”

“Oh, hell no.” I cut him off again. “I know you weren’t just about to try and give me an order.”

A hand covers my mouth and I snarl, snapping my teeth just like his dragon had done not even twenty minutes ago. Instead of sinking into flesh, they crack back together painfully and I realise it’s his shadows. His shadows feel like hands.

Don’t think about it, Remi. Do. Not. My feet dig into the soft floor of my mindspace like a lifeline, probably a moment too late. He chuckles, the sound reverberating down my spine and I don’t know if it’s because of the way I tried and failed to nip him or if it’s because he somehow read my mind.

“Better.” He murmurs. “Now, you’re going to be a good girl and start going with your sister to train with Imogen.” I hope he can see the utterly offended look that’s overtaken my face. Fuck that. I open my mouth to speak and my eye twitches as he muffles the sound. “Think very carefully about what you say next,” his voice is low—dangerous—as he throws my own words back at me.

When I feel the shadows disappearing from around my mouth, I arch a brow, staring up at where I know from muscle memory his eyes must be. “Do you have a problem with Bodhi’s instruction, wingleader?” I smile sweetly. “After all, if he’s qualified to sleep with me for safety’s sake, surely he’s qualified to guide me through a few inner thigh exercises.”

He exhales sharply and I relish the sound, the way it tells me he’s losing control. “Unless you’re available?” I arch a brow, a deviant smirk tugging at the corner of my mouth. “Oh wait, you don’t fu—” The shadows are back.

“Enough.” He pushes forward, one of his hands falling from the wall to wrap around my throat and I gasp, thrashing in his grip, one hand already wrapping around a dagger at my ribcage before I can even realise what I’m doing.

“Fuck,” he pulls back, dropping his hand to my wrist as I slash out at him. “Angel, I forgot.” He sounds contrite and as my heart continues beating out of my chest he finally conjures a mage light, the glow of it low enough not to burn my eyes. He looks remorseful, one hand holding my dagger an inch away from his chest, the other hovering mid-air beside my face.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you.” It’s sobering, the difference a few months makes. Last time he’d wrapped his hand around my throat I had a very different reaction. But after last night…

“You didn’t hurt me.” I croak, pulling my hand back so I can re-sheath my dagger. “I just—panicked.” I look away, not wanting to see the pity that will no doubt be written on his face. Slowly, telegraphing his movements, he reaches one hand up, fingers outstretched to stroke across the ring of bruises encircling my throat.

I shudder, my heart rate picking up slightly again, even as I hold myself still.

“I should have made him suffer.”

I swallow, looking up at him. “I should have killed him myself.” I hold his gaze, pushing down my initial anxiety as his palm slowly brushes against my skin, resting there, like a test. “I got distracted.” I say bitterly. It’s a sobering reminder of why I’m here. How I ended up taking the tunnel in the first place.

There are so many things I could have done differently in hindsight—that I’m sure I would have done, if it had been only me in that room. But Violet is my weakness; in every single, damning way.

A weird feeling lingers between us for another moment, one I can’t quite put my finger on, until eventually he steps back, his hand dropping away from my throat. “Train with Imogen, angel.” He says, finally. “Get your shit together and figure it out. Sgaeyl will not be impressed if you die and take Lía with you.”

I have absolutely no intention of training with his pink-haired minion, but I know when I’m going to lose an argument so I simply smile, hoping he can see the disdain in my eyes.

“You mean you’d be upset.” The corner of my lips tick up in a smirk.

“I know Bodhi would be.”

I sigh in frustration, closing my eyes. When I open them again, the mage lights linger, but the tunnel is empty. I breathe for a moment, head falling back against the wall and realise while I’m still not ok—I feel better. Something about Xaden Riorson settles me; even when we’re arguing—and I have no idea why that is. 

Chapter Text

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"Are you sure about this?" Sage asks as I shove extra bandages into my rucksack.

I nod, making sure I have some extra clothes packed just in case, as well as my flight goggles. "I know that the original plan was to head towards Aretia," I look back at her. "But after the last twenty-four hours, I really don't think I can handle being where Brennan died." I sigh, throwing my bag over my shoulders. "I just really need a hug from my sister right now."

Sage nods. "I understand. But are you sure you don't want me to come?" She would, in a heartbeat.

"It's probably best you're here to run interference." We make our way out of my room and down the spiral staircase, crossing through the rotunda to get to the gathering hall.

"Ok." Sage breathes out, steadying herself. "Just...don't die."

I offer her a cheeky grin, only arching a brow. We collect our trays, moving through the hall until we're at our usual table. I sit down beside Liam, my arm brushing against his and quietly start to eat my food.

"Remi, hey." He breathes, looking down at me. "I've been trying to catch you all day." I only shrug, offering him a small smile and return to my meal. "Are you ok?" He says quietly. "I know it was unexpected—my moving squads—I just—"

I wrap my arm around him in a half-hug and force myself to smile, raising a hand to my neck. He looks at me in confusion, brow furrowed and Sage clears her throat from across the table.

"Remi's larynx might be worse than we first thought." She says. "That or she's just agitated it more today—she's lost her voice."

Violet leans around Liam, eyeing me with concern and guilt, her gaze dropping to the vivid bruising around my throat. "I'm ok." I sign, utilising the limited sign language I've picked up from Vi and Jesinia.

"We're going to check in with Winifred after dinner." Sage informs them and hesitantly, Liam nods. I place my hand on his shoulder again and then on my sister's and proceed to gesture between them, before raising my thumb.

"Really?" Violet says skeptically. "You're not upset? Because it wasn't my idea and I am sorry, Remi. I didn't—" I hold up my hand, stopping her.

"It's o-ok." I force my voice to rasp. "Liam w-ill protect you." I try to smile reassuringly. I try to force myself to mean it. It is true, in a way. I'm glad Violet will have Liam watching her back from now on, it just hurts that he won't be there to watch mine.

"But after today, I don't want you to think that—"

I shrug sadly, cutting her off with a tap to the arm. "It's ok." I sign again. "Le-ave it. P-lease."

It's not, but there's nothing either of us can do or say to change things, so remaining upset is pointless—it only continues to hurt me...and now Lía. I have to try my best to accept things for what they are and move on, however hard that is. Getting angry would be easy, but that's not entirely fair to Lía either and I'm not sure where to go from here.

When I finish dinner, I stand and run my hand along the back of Violet's shoulders, leaning down to kiss her hair in a gesture unlike me. As upset and overwhelmed as I am with her, she still almost died last night and that terrifies me more than anything.

Sage and I head down the tunnel to the Healers Quadrant, slipping quietly into Winifred's office, where she and Nolon wait.

"I'm not sure I like this idea, Remi." Winifred says quietly, eyeing me with apprehension.

"Lía will be with me the whole time." I reassure her. "I'm only going straight there and straight back after, I promise." Nolon eyes me suspiciously and I cringe internally. As far as everyone knows that's what I'll be doing. But if I have my way...

"Just—be careful." Sage comments, crossing her arms over her chest. "This place would be—"

"Incredibly dull without me?" I finish my best friend's sentence, smiling slightly.

"Completely."

I hug Winifred and then Nolon, nodding to them in farewell. "Thanks for covering for me." I say softly. "I really appreciate it—I know it could get you in a lot of trouble." Winifred only waves a hand, making a face.

"Just make sure you come back in one piece." Nolon warns. "I don't want to have to mend you again so soon."

I clap my hand on Sage's shoulder before throwing on the dark grey cloak Winifred lends me, pulling the hood up over my head. In another minute, I'm setting off through the Healers Quadrant, a place I know like the back of my hand.

I wind my way around and to a familiar set of stairs, climbing up and up, until I reach the top. The turret seems so different now than it had all those months ago when I'd crossed the parapet. I'm still for a moment, struck by the overwhelming realisation that I'm almost completely different now. I don't feel like I'm anywhere near the same person I was before I'd run across this stupid wall the first time—and maybe that's not entirely a bad thing.

Lía's massive green form wings toward me, gliding around the side of the turret as I climb up on the edge. It's dark out, but that doesn't mean much, so I move as fast as I can to swing over the side wall and onto her back, shoving down the panic that rises in me as I have to step along her scales until I can reach the seat.

"Hi, Lía." I greet her, lowering my torso to press against her in a pseudo hug. "I'm sorry I ran out on you earlier." I say, sighing a little as she takes to the sky, climbing higher and higher into the clouds. My gloves grip her scales tightly and I kiss her pommel.

"It's ok, little one." She says softly, tentative. "But are you sure this is what you need right now?"

"Positive." I confirm. "I just—need to not be the strong one for once. Just for a moment." I ache with it.

"I shouldn't have pushed you." Lía sounds contrite as we glide through the sky. "I just...I don't know how to help you. How to protect you from yourself."

"You shouldn't have to." I sigh, pressing my cheek to her scales. "Last time I—when I've felt like this before..." I settle on, "it's taken me...a long time. To get better." I breathe in slowly. "I just don't have that luxury now and if I'm not channeling everything into anger, I'm not sure what to do."

Lía's quiet for a moment. "And you think your sister can help with that?"

I chuckle, shaking my head, though I know she can't see it. "No." I answer. "But it might give me a chance to rest. To turn off my brain for a moment and just—recharge. Strengthen myself." I hope so, anyway.

"I understand." My dragon replies and guilt weighs on me once more.

"Lía, I really am sorry. I shouldn't have shut you out or lashed out at you—I just didn't want you to feel what I felt." I wonder what it says that I'm never usually ashamed of my actions, but it feels like I always am when it comes to her. I need to do better by her.

"Remi, dragons aren't perfect either." She says tentatively, sensing my emotions. "There are things that I'm not proud of too."

I frown, tilting my head at that. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, there are things I'm not telling you. That I can't tell you." My mind ticks over that statement.

"Things the Empyrean commands you not to tell me?" I ask tentatively, remembering the secrecy with which the dragons had met after Threshing.

"Yes." She speaks no further and I begin to formulate and discard theories at a rapid pace, the familiar ease of it settling my nerves. After an hour or two of flying has passed, she finally speaks again. "Would you tell me; if there was anything I could do to help you?"

My heart softens. "You already are." I whisper into her mind. "You're breaking the rules for me right now."

"Not our rules." She chuffs and a small smile stretches across my lips. "I've never had a rider who...who hurt so much." She admits and I blink, sucking in a sharp breath.

"You've had other riders?" I ask tentatively, wondering why I never thought to ask her about her past before.

"Two." She answers, her tone a little sedate. "A man who didn't make it far past graduation and a woman—my last rider."

"What happened to her?" I ask quietly, knowing it must have been difficult for her to lose another. No wonder Xaden thought my death might break her. Every subsequent bond is supposedly stronger than the last. If Sgaeyl told him I'm her third...

"She served under Colonel Mairi." Lía answers and I jolt a little.

"Liam's mother?" I gasp, uttering the words aloud. That means... "She died during the conflict." I ascertain, my fingers stroking over her scales softly as I hug her pommel.

"After." Lía says tightly and I close my eyes. My mother had executed Lía's last rider. How could she have picked me, knowing— "That does not reflect on you, little one." She reads my thoughts.

"I'm sorry." I tell her anyway. And then my mind begins to race. It's not the time to ask, really, but... "That means you know. You know what the rebellion was fighting for—the truth."

She's quiet a moment and I worry that I've pushed when I shouldn't have. "I can't tell you." She says and my frown deepens. Is that out of loyalty to her friendship with Sgaeyl or is it one of those orders from the Empyrean? Would she follow an order if it put me in danger?

"If you were in imminent danger I would tell you, of course." She chastises, sweeping low through the clouds. "I will always put you first, Remi." Her voice is soft in my mind and I try and still my trembling jaw—I've cried enough today for a lifetime. No one puts me first.

"I promise if you don't figure it out on your own, I will disobey." She says gently. "But you're smart, little one. You don't need me to tell you." Her faith in me bolsters my confidence and I can only assume that Sage and I are on the right track. The last thing I want is for Lía to get in trouble with the Empyrean—so if she says I can work it out on my own, that's what I'll do.

"Hey, Lía?" I say as she brings us down to land in a small clearing by a stream. "I love you." I slide off her back, stepping around her body to press my head to hers where she lowers it toward me.

"I love you, too." She replies. "Even if you weren't smart enough to pick me at first glance." I snort, shaking my head as I step back from her. I guess I deserve that. "Have a break and something to drink. We still need to fly over three more hours." She tells me, her tone more alert now that we're on the ground.

I groan, stretching out my spine as I move toward the stream, splashing some water on my face under the moonlight. I have a canteen of drinkable water in my pack and I pull it out, taking a sip as I stride back toward her. "If your previous rider served under Colonel Mairi, does that mean you knew Liam—and Sloane?" I ask curiously, tilting my head at her.

"At a glance." She agrees. "Though I'm sure the younger one looks very different now." Another plan ticks over in my mind but I shove it to the side, trying to focus on the present.

"Come on, Remi." She says as I stretch out my back. "You can sleep the rest of the way." I can tell she feels unsettled being out here in the middle of nowhere with no backup and immediately I realise the little side trip I've been tentatively planning isn't going to happen.

I clamber back up into the saddle, Lía holding me in place with her magic as we take to the skies once more, moving high above the clouds to avoid any unwanted attention. "Sleep." She repeats. "I have you." I only got a few hours the night before and after the day I've had, the lulling motion of her wingbeats is enough to have my eyes closing almost immediately.

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"Remi, wake up." Lía's gentle voice fills my mind and I snap to attention, rising in the seat as we begin to descend through the sky. I blink as my eyes adjust to the glare of the sunrise and when I can finally focus, it takes my breath away. The sky is awash with pink and for once I feel grateful to be up here, seeing this.

"Wow." I murmur, taking it all in as Lía brings us down around the mountain peaks and into a copse of trees at the edge of the wards, a few miles from Montserrat.

"How do you want to get their attention without alerting any of the other riders?" Lía asks. "Should I reach out to Teine?"

A mischievous smirk grows on my face. "No." I lean down, rubbing her scales. "Do we know where the wardstone is?" I ask her and I can feel her disapproval radiating toward me down our bond.

"Remi." She chides, "let us do this the easy way."

I shake my head, a grin forming on my face. "Where's the fun in that?" Lía huffs as I dismount gingerly, my hips and spine aching, and turn towards the ward line. I can feel it thrumming as I near it curiously and with one more step I'm across it, a backlash hitting me in the chest as I leave Navarre's protections behind me. Lía growls and I hastily step back over, feeling the wards slide over me again.

"That felt...weird." I rub at my chest, tilting my head as I look down at the ground. "Are they spherical? Or do they only extend so far underground?" My mind begins to spin at a mile a minute and Lía chuffs softly.

"Come, little one. I've already called for Teine." I pout at that. I'd wanted to send a vibration down the wards somehow and surprise Mira with my presence when she inevitably was sent to investigate, but I suppose not. "You can still surprise her." Lía says fondly, reading my mind. "Teine will only tell her that I'm here."

I grin, loping back to her so I can tuck myself in behind her foreleg, waiting for my older sister to arrive. "The wards only have one wardstone." She tells me while we wait. "And that is back at Basgiath. There is an alloy used to extend their reach that can be found in every outpost, but it is not something you should know about, so it would be best if you do not mention it again." I notice she doesn't elaborate on their shape or exactly how they work but decide to let it go, assuming it must be another of those things she's not supposed to speak about. It isn't long before I hear wingbeats and I peek out to see Teine's familiar green scales descending through the air toward us. I haven't seen Mira's dragon in years, but he seems smaller now than I remember. Maybe that's just because I spend so much time with Lía and she's bigger.

"This is your sister?" I hear Mira's puzzled voice call as she dismounts, her boots hitting the grass ahead of me and I can't contain my excitement, stepping out into the morning sun.

"And yours." I reply, grinning smugly as her jaw drops.

"Remi?!" She freezes for only a moment and then she's running, slamming into me and scooping me up into her arms. She squeezes me so tight I can barely breathe, and I do nothing but smile, winding my own arms around her in return.

"Gods, Mira." Tears prick my eyes and I bury my face in her shoulder. "I've missed you so much." I don't let the tears fall, even if they'd be happier ones—I've cried enough—but I can't keep my body from trembling, vibrating in her grip.

"Remi," she says my name again, pulling back to look me over, her eyes lingering on the ring of bruises around my throat. "Gods, are you alright?" My lip trembles.

"Physically? Yeah." I exhale shakily. "I um—I'm not doing great. But I'm alive." I tell her honestly. She meets my eyes and I watch as understanding fills hers.

"You're alive." She murmurs, pulling me back in for another hug. "That's something." I laugh a little.

"Are you ok?" I ask, my hand coming up to press over a new scar stretching from her earlobe to her collarbone.

"I'm fine, too." She promises and when she pulls back this time she glances around, eyeing me warily. "How are you here, Rem? Is—is Vi here too?"

I bite my lip, shaking my head. "She's ok. More than ok. She's at Basgiath, still." I tell her, looking down guiltily. "I...I wanted to see you." I say, glancing up to meet her eyes pleadingly.

"You just left?!" Mira hisses, connecting the dots. "Remi!" She scolds, her hands gripping my upper arms tightly. "If anyone finds out—"

"They won't!" I reassure her hastily, trying to look confident. "As far as everyone else knows, I'm in the infirmary recovering from an attack. Winifred and Nolon will back me up on that." I tell my sister, though deep down I know if anyone high up is to come calling, they might not be able to hide our deception.

"I had to come." I tell her softly. "I need this."

Her expression gentles and she hugs me again, reaching up to run a hand through my hair. I quickly snag her wrist, tearing it away before she can touch my braid. "I uh...I wouldn't do that if I were you." I tell her, laughing a little. "There's poisonous barbs woven through there." Her eyes widen and she pulls away, carefully reaching for the ends of my hair, twisting it into her eyeline.

"Winifred's idea." I inform her. "It's been—useful." I snort, remembering Xaden's face that very first day I'd tried it out on the sparring mats.

"I have so many questions." My sister says, glancing up at Lía.

"Lía picked me at Threshing." I tell her proudly. My dragon snorts, nudging me harshly with her nose and I roll my eyes. "Even though I told her not to." I add, grouchily.

"Were you hoping none of them would choose you?" Mira asks knowingly, slight laughter in her voice and I huff.

"I still don't like flying." I mutter. "Anyway, she says it's not but I think it's obvious she found me because of Teine." I gripe, trying not to smile as Lía blows hot air over us both.

"It wasn't." She chides, dropping her maw toward the ground. "If anything, it was Sgaeyl's mention of you that drew my interest."

I cough, my head flying around to look at her. "What?!" I squeak, eyes widening. "Sgaeyl told you to—" She chuffs, cutting me off with a fond nudge.

"I chose you myself, you know that." She chastises. "But she did mention you...and her rider." My cheeks heat and I press my hands over them in embarrassment, half convinced she's just saying it to rile me up. She's a troublemaker, especially when it comes to this topic.

"Who's Sgaeyl?" Mira asks behind me and I stutter, trying to think of any excuse as Teine perks up at her back.

"She's a dragon." I say evasively. "My wingleader's dragon."

Mira's lips begin to tick up in a smirk and she leans in, brushing her hand over my cheek. "Your wingleader has you blushing like that?" She practically cackles and I wonder if this trip was worth the mortification. I'd forgotten how much she loves teasing me at any opportunity.

"No!" I protest, though I know it's no use, she can read the truth all over my face.

"Remi!" She laughs. "Are you sleeping with your wingleader?"

I groan, shaking my head. "No, Mira! Of course not."

"Glad to see you took my advice." I don't know if I've gotten worse at hiding my thoughts or if I'm just predictable because her expression falters. "Spill." She orders.

"I mean, I would." I admit. "But he's not interested." I tell her. "At least—I don't think so anyway." Lía chortles, drawing Mira's attention and her eyes narrow. "And I might have gotten a little uh...intimate with my executive officer." I admit bashfully, ducking my head. "And he might have interrupted us—"

"Gods, Remi." Mira is shaking her head, laughter spilling past her lips.

"It gets worse." I sigh. "So. Much. Worse."

"How could it possibly get worse?" Mira grins and I debate whether to tell her or not. It's probably not the wisest course of action but I need to get some of this off my chest and I could use some advice—advice from someone other than Sage.

"When I heard his voice I..."

"Remi!" This might just be the best thing that's happened to Mira all year.

"And he knows." I squirm uncomfortably. "He knows." I groan collapsing into Mira's shoulder once more. "It was so mortifying, Mira." I complain. "He just makes me so—"

"Hot?" She offers.

"Fired up." I say instead. "In every way."

"Who is this guy?" She asks, grinning and I bite my lip.

"Um...about that..." Her smile drops. "Do you remember the last thing you told me before you left?"

"Don't make me an only child?" She answers promptly, her brow furrowing.

"Before that." I grimace, shaking my head.

"Stay away from—" Her jaw drops. "Remi!" She shrieks. "For fuck's sake!" I shift guiltily, feeling Lía's amusement radiate down the bond toward me. "The one fucking person I told you to stay away from—"

"In my defence," I interrupt her, "you haven't seen him." She glares furiously and I realise this isn't the time for humour. "And he's not like you think." I say quickly, grasping her arm.

"You don't want to know what I think!" She says hotly, glaring down at me.

"Mira, please." I sigh, looking away. "He's—he's a good person." I tell her. "I know you don't believe me but...there's something about him." I don't know how to convince her. "And—fuck." I mutter, closing my eyes. "I don't even know where to start." I press my palms harshly into my eye sockets, wishing I could just pass all my memories straight onto her. Well—not all of them. But just...

My eyes trail over to Lía and I raise an eyebrow, her golden eye blinking at me. "Can you...do what Tairn did?" I ask, thinking back to the night before last. "Just a part of it?" I sense her agreement and think about the moment Xaden looked down to meet my eyes and how his head snapped up in fury. The way he'd killed everyone who harmed me and the gentleness with which he'd treated me after—before the tunnel.

I wait a moment, watching my sister intently as she turns toward Teine and then finally, looks back at me. "They attacked you guys in your sleep?" She says softly, her fingertips coming up to brush gently against my neck. I nod, feeling my throat tighten.

"If he hadn't shown up, I'd be dead, Mira." I tell her softly. "He saved my life."

"I heard a rumour a wingleader was executed yesterday." She says. "We get some news out here, though I never know how much to believe."

"She let them into Vi's room and then came to mine. If one of Vi's dragons hadn't told Lía to wake me—"

"One of?" Mira says sharply. "I heard that rumour too, but we all thought..." She trails off.

"Maybe I should start at the beginning." I say hesitantly. "Like...the parapet beginning." I glance at my sister who's clad in her riding leathers. "Are you...do you have somewhere you need to be?" I ask hesitantly.

"No." She shakes her head. "I just got off shift."

"Ok." I take a deep breath. "I'll summarise and then you can ask questions after?" I suggest and at her nod, I begin. "Ok so, parapet—I saw Xaden for the first time at the top of the turret, I threatened the guy who was heckling us at the bottom of the stairs with a tracheotomy, mother whipped up a massive storm and tried to kill us both, Vi threatened the same guy with a vasectomy and then I made friends with a couple of separatist's kids and was sorted into Xaden's wing. I taunted him, because I'm me and he had Violet moved under his purview as well."

Mira gapes. "You think mother did what?"

I wince. Maybe this will take longer than I thought.

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A few hours later, I'm laying on Mira's chest, her hand carding through my hair—loose and free of poison, now. "I'm sorry it's been so hard on you." She murmurs, voice gentle. She's resting back against Teine's side, her head tilted down to look at me as Lía naps to our left.

"Basgiath wasn't easy on you, either." I remind her. "You had your own grief to deal with while you were there." Brennan had died while Mira was in the quadrant and I doubt there was anyone there to care if she was coping or not.

"I know." She whispers. "But you feel things so strongly, Remi. So much more than the rest of us." She sighs. "I just wish I could have spared you from this."

"Whatever it was that caused mother to send us there, it started long before even you were at Basgiath." I tell her. "There was nothing you could have done."

"My little pragmatist." She smiles sadly. "To think that dad..." She trails off. It had been hard, telling her my suspicions, what Sage had put together, but Mira isn't an optimist like Violet. The world has hardened her and with a little coaxing, she'd begun to believe it too.

"I don't know what to think anymore." I tell her bitterly. "About anything." My entire world is just tipping over on its axis again and again and I'm just along for the ride.

"I know one thing." Mira tells me. "You're strong, Remi." She kisses my hair. "Stronger than Violet, even if you don't think so. Having the strength to do what needs to be done, regardless of how it affects you, that's a quality not everyone has." She says. "I killed people in Basgiath too." She admits. "I had to, just like you."

I look up at her, but her eyes aren't on me, they're staring into the distance. "You're a survivor, Remi." Her thumb strokes over my temple. "Never apologise for that. To anyone—not even Vi."

I turn on my side, wrapping my arms around her so I can bury my face in her chest. "I love you, Mira." I choke out. I hadn't known I needed that acceptance until now. Acceptance from someone other than my friends, from my family who knew me before.

"I love you too, sis." She smiles sadly. "And so does Vi." She adds. "She'll come around." My lips turn down and I close my eyes, trying to remain relaxed. "You've always been so different." Mira continues, "but despite all that, I've never thought of you as less than her. I don't like one of you more than the other, I promise." She finishes strongly, stroking her hand over my hair comfortingly once more.

"And I know it must feel like you're losing out." She says sadly. "I know you're suffering more than her. But that won't last forever." She says gently. "One day, you'll be happy again and it won't feel like a competition anymore."

My lip trembles. "I just want to feel strong." I tell her. I've never been strong in my life, in any way, but that's what I want now. "How do I do that?"

"Fake it." Mira says. "Keep acting like you feel it, surround yourself with people who make you happy, who make you feel good and just keep going." I curl into her further. "I think about you guys every day." She says softly. "I know we joke about it, but if I lost you guys—either of you—" She doesn't finish her sentence.

"I just want you to become the woman I know you can be." I try and let her words strengthen me, even if only a little. "And I'm so proud of you, you know?" She squeezes me tight. "Even if you are lusting after the one person I told you to stay away from...and got busy with his cousin." I groan, tipping my head back.

"Hey, at least I kept the corset on like you told me to?"

She laughs, pushing herself upright. "You're going to be ok, Rem. I know it." And despite yesterday's bump in the road, maybe I'm finally starting to feel that way too. I can do this, right? All I have to do is stay alive.

"You can." Lía speaks into my mind and I turn my head, realising she's woken.

"As much as I hate to say it, I think you should leave at dusk." Mira says gently. "If you fly through the night, there's less chance of anyone seeing you."

I nod sadly, knowing she's right, I shouldn't be away for too long. I'd just really hoped to get a good night's sleep here with someone watching over me.

"Work on keeping your seat, ok baby sis?" Her tone is gentle. "I know it's hard and you're scared to fall, but you have no choice. I need you to survive." I hug her tight, before stepping back slightly. "There's still a few more hours until dusk." She looks up at the sky, "can you wait here for me, while I write a letter for Vi?"

I nod again, trying to smile. I don't want to leave her.

"We can come back." Lía tells me. "I can make the flight both ways without much rest." She can, but that doesn't mean she should.

"Can you...get me something else?" I ask hesitantly. "A few things?" Mira smiles in sympathy. The quadrant has a stranglehold on us and there's so much I miss, that I couldn't carry across the parapet.

"Sure, sis." She says. "What did you have in mind?"

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It's cold when my feet hit the turret of the Riders Quadrant—icy almost—and I'm chilled down to the bone from the long flight. Instead of resting this time, we'd done the entire six hour stretch in one go and my muscles are cramping up terribly. I pat Lía on the nose affectionately before winding my way down the stairs, keeping to the shadows as I stumble forward, my heavy pack causing my legs to shake even more.

I almost trip when I get to the bottom step, catching myself on the wall. "Fuck." I mutter, cracking my spine and I freeze as I meet three sets of eyes across the courtyard from me. "Uh..."

"Someone has some explaining to do." Bodhi lets out a low whistle and I arch a brow, crossing my arms over my chest as I limp toward them.

"Look who's talking!" I hiss, rolling my eyes.

"Glad to see your larynx is fine." My friend says pointedly and I wince.

"Nolon's an excellent mender." I try, shrugging casually.

"And you're a terrible liar."

"And you're a terrible strategist!" I shoot back, gesturing between them. "You couldn't find one more person to go off on your little adventure with?" I glare at him. "There's another eighty-three of you idiots to choose from."

Garrick snorts, turning his head to look at Xaden. "She's not wrong."

The shadow wielder simply stares at me, something almost wary in his gaze. "Where have you been?" He asks and oh, now he sounds annoyed. I feel oddly relieved at the return to status quo and tilt my chin up defiantly.

"Where have you been?" I toss back.

"Nevermind." He shakes his head. "I'm sure Sgaeyl will tell me." My mouth drops open and I glare at him, affronted. He's not wrong, I'm sure Lía will share all about our little trip with his dragon and no doubt she'll pass it on.

"Montserrat." I mutter begrudgingly and his eyes widen a fraction.

"You flew six hours to a border outpost while you can't even hold your damn seat?" That familiar tick in his jaw is back and my lips twitch.

"Technically I passed the border. That snapping sensation is really—"

"Are you fucking serious?"

I blink.

"Yes."

He makes an aggravated sound, closing his eyes. As he takes a deep breath in, I watch Bodhi and Garrick start backing up, ignoring my pleading gaze on them. Xaden takes another breath and then another and I start to wonder if I've made a terrible mistake.

"Do you have any idea what could have happened to you?" He finally asks and I stare at him.

"Death?" I answer hesitantly. "Because, not to be that person, but I'll remind you that's just as likely to befall me here."

"Except it doesn't." He says tightly. "Because here you're not on your own."

"Aren't I?" I say irreverently, regretting it instantly. Despite the general distaste he's shown for me over the last two days, he's also shown concern, even if neither of us wants to admit it. The way he'd looked at me in Violet's room after...

I watch as his expression shutters, face closing off and as he goes to step back, I call quickly, "wait! Wait."

I sigh softly. "I didn't mean—" I sling my rucksack off my shoulders, dropping it to the ground in front of me. Hesitantly, I drop into a crouch, pulling it open. "I got you something." I say in lieu of an apology.

I pull out the small parchment bag on the top, passing it over to him. He looks from me, to the bag and back again and I roll my eyes, holding it out forcefully. "It's not going to bite." Slowly, he reaches out to take it.

"No one gives gifts in the Riders Quadrant." He says and I make a face. Does that mean he hasn't been given anything in almost three years? What about birthdays?

"Well I live in the real world." I roll my eyes. "I don't care about the made up rules of this stupid quadrant."

"Clearly." He snips, but when he opens the bag, his expression softens. "How...?"

"I'm secretly an inntinnsic." I jibe, smirking as he levels me with a disdainful glare. A laugh escapes me. "Liam told me." I admit, hugging myself a little.

"You saved me. The other night." I swallow hard. "And even if at first, you only came to save her, I still—" I look down at my boots, flushing a little. "Thanks." I mumble and as the feeling of his eyes on me begins to burn, I make a strategic retreat, slinging my bag onto my shoulder and darting across the courtyard toward the dorms.

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"Why is Xaden berating me for telling you his weaknesses?" Liam asks the next morning as he sits down at breakfast and I snort, my eyes darting up toward the leadership table.

"I have no idea what you mean." I say, shaking my head.

"What was in the bag?" Bodhi asks and I narrow my eyes at him, glaring slightly. He abandoned me to our wingleader, but stuck around just long enough to see that?

"Nothing." I say through grit teeth, "you bunch of busybodies."

"You gave Xaden something too?" Sage joins the dots with a grin and I glare at her, clutching my fork tightly. I'd met her in her room this morning to pass on the chocolate I'd had Mira grab for her. She'd been ecstatic to finally get her hands on some again—I'm actually not sure there's any left.

"Will you all cut it out?" I frown, intensely aware of Imogen's eyes burning into the side of my face. "It was just a thank you, that's all." And maybe a plea—because I'm the kind of stupid, moronic idiot who'd do anything to go back to the way things were between us three days ago.

"A thank you for...the other night?" Violet asks hesitantly and I nod, keeping my eyes on my plate.

"So?" Bodhi prompts.

"Chocolate cake." I mutter, my cheeks flaming.

"Ohh." Liam murmurs, laughing a little. "That makes sense."

"No it doesn't." Violet frowns, looking at me suspiciously. "Where did you get it?"

I shrug my shoulders, biting my lip. "Do you have time before class?" I ask her, tilting my head toward the doors. She follows me out and we quickly cross through the rotunda and into the dorms, climbing the staircase until we make it to my room.

I look at her tentatively, not knowing where to begin. "I—I wasn't in the infirmary." I tell her, knowing she's already figured as much. "I went to Montserrat." Her mouth falls open.

"Remi!" She gasps, her head flying around to check that the door is firmly shut. "Gods, what if you'd been caught?" I shrug, heading for my dresser. I did have a few backup plans for that eventuality, though I'm not sure any of them would have worked. Lía and I had planned to tell command that she wanted to visit Teine and I was simply along for the ride, unable to do anything about the whims of dragons.

"I was dragon-napped." I say, deadpan, smiling a little at the grin that ticks up on her lips.

"You saw Mira?" She breathes and for once, I'm not the one feeling jealous.

"I did." I smile shakily. "I really needed to see her."

Violet's eyes soften and immediately she's flinging herself at me. "Remi, I'm so sorry!" She says, winding her arms around my waist. "I never meant to hurt you or make you feel like you weren't enough."

I breathe in sharply. "I know." I've always known it's not on purpose.

"I love you." She says firmly. "I do."

"I love you, too." I say softly, clutching her to me. "I'm sorry." I lower my cheek to her hair. "I'm glad you're doing well, Vi." I tell her. "I don't ever want you to think I'm not." I pull back to look at her seriously. "I'm—I'm so jealous that you seem to be able to cope where I can't and that—" I look away, not really prepared to bare it all, everything that hurts within me. "But that doesn't mean I wish you ill." I try again.

"I know that." She says softly. "Of course I do, Rem." She grips my hands, squeezing them tightly. "I just want you to be ok." She tells me. "The thought of you giving up, because of me..." Tears fill her eyes. "Or dying because you tried to protect me, I don't—" She lets out a small sob.

"I shouldn't have told you; about Brennan's letter." I say softly, wiping her tears away with my thumbs. "I won't lie, it does hurt. It makes me feel...like second choice." I take a slow breath in. "But that doesn't mean I'd have done anything differently." I say firmly, looking her in the eye. "You're my sister. I'll always protect you with everything I am, no matter what."

Violet buries her face in my shoulder and I hold her tight, rocking her from side to side. She's no longer crying, but she shakes with emotion. "I'm sorry, Remi." She chokes out. "I'm a bad sister."

"You're not." I say immediately, shoving down a small thread of bitterness. "It's ok, I promise." I hadn't exactly made it easy for her to like me before we'd come here—pain leaving me prone to mood swings and angry outbursts.

"I said I was going to be better but I keep screwing up with you." Violet says, distressed.

I stifle a laugh, grinning into her hair. "I've been screwing up since the moment our feet hit the turret stairs." I tell her. "But we're alive and that's what matters." I remember Mira's words, letting them bolster me. "We're alive and we're both going to fight to stay that way, no matter what." Maybe what I needed all along, was a little bit of her optimism—just a shred.

"No matter what." She repeats and when she steps back, she's smiling, just a little. "If you—" She struggles for words for a moment, appearing hesitant. "It terrifies me, that what you felt drew that sound out of Lía." She says softly, smile faltering. "If you're sad or you're scared, Remi, I want you to come to me." Her tone is gentle. "Let me help you, even if all you need is a hug."

My heart twists a little and I swallow harshly, gritting my teeth as I nod, thinking back to that night by the Iakobos. Maybe things really will be different from now on. "Ok." I hide the tremble in my jaw as I turn back to my dresser, reaching in to pull out a folded up piece of parchment and a familiar tome.

"I brought you something, too." I smile a little as her eyes light up, hands already reaching for The Fables of the Barren. "Mira took it with her when she left." Poor Mira's letter is immediately shoved to the side as Violet flips open the book, running her fingers over the familiar pages.

"Remi..." She breathes and her happiness is almost contagious as she takes in the book dad used to read to her all the time. I grin as she clutches it to her chest. "Thanks," she darts forward to hug me again. "I wish I'd gotten to see her." Her smile dims a little as she opens our older sister's letter to her.

"It's only a six hour flight." I offer. "If we plan something carefully again, we can go together." I suggest. "If...if Tairn agrees."

She looks up from the parchment, her brows furrowing. "He will." She says it like an ultimatum and I know there's an argument with her dragon in her future. "He's sorry, by the way." She tells me. "For scaring you." I snort, shaking my head. I'm positive the Black Morningstartail is anything but. "I made him sorry," my sister mutters and my lips twitch appreciatively.

"Come on," I say as she folds up Mira's letter, slipping it into her pack. "Let's put that in your room and get to class, we're going to be late." I step towards the door but before I can even get my hand on the knob she's calling out to me.

"Oh, no you don't!" Her tone is judgemental and I freeze, turning my head. "You still haven't told me why you got our wingleader cake."

Red dusts over my cheeks and I shift uncomfortably on the spot. "Shut up." I hiss, flinging the door open. "I already told you, it was just a thank you, nothing more." I fold my arms over my chest, stalking out into the hall. "He helped, I thanked him and now we can go back to hating each other."

Violet grins, stepping after me, still clutching the book to her chest. "Is that what you're calling it?" She raises an eyebrow. "Because that's not what I think hate looks like."

I sigh, waving her forward as she darts into her room to leave the dusty old tome behind. "You heard what he said to me in the tunnel." I tell her.

"So he's an asshole," she shrugs. "You already knew that." She smirks at me. "I think you kind of like that about him." My blush deepens.

"I don't." I insist, ignoring the way her grin widens.

"You do."

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

We look at each other as we hit the bottom of the stairs and burst out laughing. I throw my arm over her shoulders, dragging her toward me as we head out into the rotunda side by side. For the first time in a while, I finally feel like everything might be ok. 

Chapter Text

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My visit with Mira really renewed my focus. I still have a million things flying around my head at once, but at least they're mostly theories and strategies rather than pesky feelings. Violet and I have begun spending a lot of evenings together; all of the ones Dain doesn't have her squad in the gym, sparring.

We study together with Sage and Rhiannon, spending a fair amount of time poring over books for our more academic subjects. The professors have finally begun to ramp up their demands on us again, even though most of the first-year riders have begun channelling and attending lessons with Professor Carr. Between all of that and meal times, I see my sister a lot.

"That reminds me," Violet says, dropping her notes off to the side. "You were right, Remi. About the attacks."

My attention snaps towards her and I raise an eyebrow. "Right how?"

"The day you were gone," she says pointedly, "Liam and I were on library duty and we dropped a scroll." She turns her head to double check the door is closed and I think of how useful it would be if one of us had the same signet as Mira and could raise a sound shield. "It wasn't classified or anything," Violet continues. "But after—in Battle Brief—Professor Markham and Professor Devera never mentioned it, not once." I tilt my head, waiting for her to go on. "There was another attack, same high altitude but at Sumerton this time."

I suck in a sharp breath. "Are they working their way down?" I ask, looking over at Sage, to check she's following my train of thought.

"I don't know. It said the conditions at Sumerton were of a particular concern and that a village's community storage was ransacked and a convoy looted." Violet frowns. "I just don't understand why they'd keep that from us. Why it wouldn't come up in Battle Brief."

Sage raises an eyebrow at me in question and I give a minute shake of my head. Violet might not be as bad as Dain, but she still has an ingrained belief in Navarre and our systems. I know my sister well enough to know that hitting her outright with my suspicions is not the way to bring her around to our side. She's not Mira. She needs to work through it on her own.

"So they're still looking for whatever it is that they need." I tell her. "And given we have a trade agreement with Poromiel, whatever it is, is something our leaders don't want to give them." Violet nods, watching as I tap my quill against the tome in my lap. "Whatever it is, they don't want us to know about it either." I think aloud. "That's why they're not bringing all of this up in Battle Brief."

Rhiannon bites her lip, looking between Violet and I. "Maybe it's just a matter of security and that's why it's been redacted." It's the most plausible explanation there is, I suppose, if you don't believe Command has been lying to us this entire time. Who knows, maybe it's both.

"Maybe." I hum aloud, reaching for my portable inkpot. It's another piece of the puzzle for Sage and I to figure out. Lía had all but said we were on the right track—whatever the gryphon riders are searching for, is the key to this entire mystery. If we can find out what that is, everything else should fall into place.

"Ugh," I dip my quill into the ink, scribbling the words 'Battle of Gianfar' at the top of my page. "I can't wait to use those damn magic pens." I gripe and Violet groans, nodding in agreement.

"I can't believe Tairn won't let me channel yet." She complains. "I just want to be able to seperate him from my head." She says. "It makes me sick every time he's hungry and forgets to shield himself."

I lift my gaze to her, frowning in confusion. "I thought Liam was teaching you grounding?" I ask, blinking.

"He is." She shrugs. "But it's not effective in blocking out the dragons until you start channeling." I look from her, to Rhiannon who is nodding along as if it's a fact. It's the second time I've heard someone say that.

"That's not true." I protest, looking to Sage, the only one of us who is channeling already.

"Don't ask me." She holds her hands up. "I'm just a beginner, remember?"

I frown. "I'm not channeling yet either." I tell them, "and I've managed just fine." Better than fine, unfortunately, to our bond's detriment. I reach out to Lía, letting my inquisitiveness flow down toward her and wait patiently for her to respond.

"You're just exceptional." She sounds proud and my mouth falls open a little. "Lía says I'm just...good at it." I sound baffled, even to my own ears.

"Jealous." Rhiannon mutters, shaking her head. "I really don't need to know how Fierge feels all the time."

I shake my head, staring down at my quill with wonder. "So if I'm exceptional, does that mean I can channel anytime soon?" I ask Lía, waiting for her to respond.

"No." She says cheerfully. "Not until I think you're ready." I huff. "Mentally ready." She continues. "There's no need for you to be overwhelmed right now." My heart softens, even though it feels like I'm being babied—at least she cares. She has a right to be cautious, after last week.

"We'd better go." Rhiannon sighs, standing from the floor by my bed. Tonight is one of the nights Dain has them sparring in the gym. Sage and myself will head down there soon to meet up with some of our own squad members and train, but I need to get a little more studying done first.

I wave my sister goodbye absentmindedly, chewing on the end of my quill as I arrange pieces of parchment around me, going back to attempting to form my report that's due tomorrow for Battle Brief. Markham had issued the assignment while I'd been at Montserrat and Violet let me borrow her notes from class. The Battle of Gianfar was one of the more pivotal battles in our history, though I don't know anywhere near as much about the details of it as she does. I never thought it would be important.

The Battle of Gianfar occurred over six centuries ago. It was pivotal to the unification of Navarre and teaches us important lessons that impact our flight formations to this day.

I make a face. Impact our flight formations? Weren't the riders all just fighting infantry? Seems like it should have been a fairly simple task, given their air superiority.

Gianfar is an ancient stronghold along the southern border. During the Battle of Gianfar it was set for a siege and notably, equipped with the first-ever cross-bolt, a weapon which proved lethal against dragonkind.

It was one of the final battles where gryphons and dragons actually worked alongside each other to annihilate the army of the Barrens.

Maybe I'm just reading Violet's notes incorrectly. I must make a sound of irritation because Sage perks up beside me from where she's working on her own report. "What is it?" She asks, leaning over.

"Am I reading this wrong?" I ask her, passing Violet's notes over. "It's our stronghold they're talking about, right? On our border?"

Sage studies Violet's handwriting, before nodding. "I think so? I thought that was how it was spoken about in class anyway, but I could be wrong. History's not my greatest subject either."

"Ok..." I trail off, reaching for the history tome by my feet. "Then why was our stronghold fitted with a newly designed weapon that could take down a dragon?" Sage pauses, snatching the notes back to read them again. "Doesn't that imply that the army of the Barrens had...dragons?" I ask skeptically.

"Maybe it was for..." Sage shakes her head. What else could a cross-bolt be designed to take down, really? "Ok." Sage draws in a deep breath. "This still doesn't make sense."

It's like an annoying niggle in the back of my mind. Another piece added to a puzzle I can't quite put together yet. "It's important though." I tell her. "Somehow, it's important. I just can't figure out how."

Sage nods. "When did the relationship between Navarre and Poromiel sour?" She asks. "Was it right after Gianfar?"

I don't know. I shrug helplessly. "Violet would know." I tell her. "I'm certain it wasn't long after unification, though."

Sage bites her lip in that way I know means she's thinking hard. "That's when the wards went up, right?" She asks. "Right after unification...after this battle?"

"I think so?" I agree. "I think we need more information." I tell her. "It might be time to do a little breaking in."

She grins. "I know exactly what we need."

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I wake with a yell, my lungs heaving as the scream dies on my tongue. One of my hands is on my throat, the other at my ribcage, gripping a dagger tightly. My heart is pounding through my chest and I collapse back into the mattress, breathing heavily.

I can still feel his hands around my neck, choking me. I can feel the panic, envision the way darkness set in through the corners of my vision, how I almost slipped away. Tears prick my eyes and when I work myself up to standing, my hands are shaking.

Slowly, I force myself to my dresser in the corner, pulling some lightweight pants over my legs. I drape my blanket over my shoulders and like a child, I pull open the door, padding down the hall toward Violet's room.

I knock quietly, still shivering, and when she opens the door, rubbing her eyes, a tear runs down my cheek.

"Hey," I croak softly. "Did you mean it when you said I could come to you?"

She's alert immediately, tugging on the blankets to pull me inside. When I step into the room, my eyes fall on her bed where Liam is sitting up groggily and I instantly take a step back, shaking my head. "Sorry, I didn't—I'll go."

"No," my sister pulls me close, wrapping an arm around me. "It's ok," she says softly, delicately, like she's afraid to say the wrong thing. "Nightmares?" She asks and her eyes are knowing, understanding.

"Yeah." I croak, sniffling a little. "I just—I don't feel safe." I whisper.

"Me either." She admits, lowering her eyes. "I haven't slept alone since—"

I nod, wrapping my arms around myself, tugging the blanket into a tight cocoon. "I'll—I'll go and see if Sage is in her room." I murmur, turning to head toward the door.

"Don't be stupid, Remi." Violet wraps her arms around me tight. "I'm here." I feel her forehead press into the space between my shoulder blades. I close my eyes, swallowing back the emotion that rises in my chest.

"I'm here." She repeats and starts pulling me toward the bed. "Just stay."

I glance up at Liam, my lip shaking, and his own turn up in a sad kind of smile. He scoots all the way to one side and when Violet pulls me down next to her, he wraps his arms around her, pulling her into his chest. She's not wearing her corset and it makes me smile a little, the thought that she feels safe enough with him here to sleep so unprotected.

There's a foot of space between us and I huddle into my blanket, my hand stretched over the distance, entwined with hers. "It's ok, Rem." She murmurs, squeezing my fingers tight. "We're still here." Still breathing.

"Sleep." Liam whispers. "Nothing's going to happen."

I dream this time, sleeping fitfully even if it's not nightmares flickering behind my lids and when I wake it's with dark bags under my eyes. I braid Violet's hair for her, showing her how I thread my tiny, deadly barbs through and when it comes time to do my own, in an act of defiance towards my own fear, I leave it hanging loose in a ponytail, swinging behind me.

They wait for me outside my room while I grab my things and when I emerge Liam swings an arm over my shoulder, walking us down to breakfast. "I'm sorry I intruded last night." I whisper as Violet moves to greet Rhiannon, throwing her things down next to the table.

"It's ok." He replies, pulling me to sit next to him. "You're my friend. And you didn't interrupt anything." I swing my legs over the seat, raising my eyebrows.

"And why isn't there anything to interrupt?" A small smile tugs at the corner of my lips.

He shrugs. "We're friends." He answers, meaning him and Violet. "That's all." My eyebrows hit my hairline.

"No way." I shake my head. "Liam!" I chide, my fist making contact with his arm. "Make a move already." I lower my voice as Violet and Rhiannon finish their conversation, looking our way. He remains silent, giving me a stern look and I roll my eyes. "To be continued."

I glance up as Bodhi takes a seat next to me, Soleil following close behind, along with Sage. "You look like shit."

I grit my teeth, narrowing my eyes at him. "Wow, thank you, Bodh. Just what every girl likes to hear in the morning."

He chuckles, running a hand through his curls. "Just being honest."

"Well don't bother." I snip, mouth turning down in a frown even as he wraps his arm around me, pulling me into him. A touch-starved part of me practically purrs in contentment and I lay my cheek on his shoulder, closing my eyes.

"So?" He prompts, his tone questioning.

"I just haven't been sleeping well," I admit, keeping my voice low. "I don't feel safe." His arm tightens around me. "I've never—I've never been alone until now." I admit, finally opening my eyes to look up at him. "Violet and I shared a room our whole lives. I thought the privacy would be nice but then..."

"But immediately after you got it, you were attacked." We'd only had those rooms a handful of days before my expectation of safety was broken in the most brutalising way.

"It's not a big deal." I shrug, knowing it's a lie as the words leave my mouth. He knows it too. "I've never felt safe anywhere." Except maybe under Lía's wing or tucked in behind her maw, but that's not a place I can spend any extended period of time, especially now it's almost snowing.

"You don't have to be afraid." Bodhi says softly. "No one will be able to get into your room again."

"What do you mean?" I ask quietly, lifting my head from his shoulder.

"Xaden put wards around both of your doors the morning after." He answers, smiling slightly. "No one but you can open your door." He says. "...and him." He admits belatedly. My mouth falls open just slightly and I turn in my seat, eyes searching the leadership table.

He's sitting with Garrick and Nyra as usual, hair looking windswept as ever, even though I'm sure he hasn't been outside. He smiles at something Garrick says and a rush of gratitude fills me as I stare at him, wondering why he'd bother doing anything to protect me.

"Get that look off your face." Bodhi says and I swing back around, trying to school my features into disinterest.

"What look?" I ask breezily. "I don't have a look."

"You do." He insists. "You take one look at him and you turn into a lovesick idiot."

My jaw falls open. "Bodhi!" I protest, elbowing him in the side. "I do not!"

"You do." Sage chimes in, biting into an apple. "It's kind of gross."

"And hilarious." Soleil adds, grinning slightly.

"You're all delusional." I huff, crossing my arms over my chest. "I don't even like the guy." I lie and Liam bursts out laughing.

"Good one, Rem." He slaps me on the shoulder, standing from his seat and I glare at him. I can see Violet's shoulders shaking with laughter on his other side and I frown, settling back into my seat.

"Whatever." I mutter, glaring down at the table. It hardly matters now.

"Come on," Sage moves around the table to pull me to my feet. "We've got work to do."

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"Faster." Bodhi commands, leaning back as my fist flies toward his face instead of his outstretched hands.

"I'm. Trying." I hiss through grit teeth, throwing another punch.

"Try faster."

The sound I let out resembles a strangled scream of rage and I kick my foot out, taking his feet out from under him. "I'm doing my best." I pant, glaring down at him where he lies on the mat, laughter escaping him.

Ronan and Morgan are sparring next to us, Sage and Ciaran further down from them. All of them have been fighting for the same amount of time I've been training and none of them are even winded.

"I'm so tired, Bodhi." I close my eyes, just for a moment. I'm still not sleeping well, even knowing there's a ward over my door. I'd been to the infirmary last night, taking up my usual bay and hadn't found that any better. I still tensed at every minuscule noise, woke from my sleep clutching a blade every time the wind howled.

"You're still not sleeping?" He asks with concern and I shake my head.

"I don't know." I look away. "I just—it's hard." I finish. The attack had shaken the small amount of confidence I had, the confidence that I could handle myself—deal with a situation as it arose. Or maybe it's just the fact that I've decided to live, that I truly care now whether I live or die—for Lía's sake if nothing else.

"Challenges start back soon." He says and he's overstating it, just a little. They're still a number of weeks away, but I understand what he's implying. If I can't get this under control, get myself into a position where my reaction times aren't slow as shit—it's going to be an issue.

"Challenges are the least of her problems." A deep voice says from behind me and I stiffen, turning my head until I can see him in my peripheral. His fingertip trails down my spine and I shiver, swallowing harshly as I try and force my body into stillness.

"It's funny," Xaden continues, stepping closer. "I thought I told you to start training with Imogen in the evenings."

My lip curls up into a scowl. "I don't recall." I say sweetly, turning on the spot. The movement drags his finger around until it's resting above my bellybutton, just below the valley of my breasts and as I glance down at it, he flattens his palm, cupping my ribcage over the Dragonscale.

"I don't think you want me reminding you." He murmurs and suddenly I can't see a thing, darkness blacking out my vision as the hand moves up, trailing over my chest to the base of my throat.

I suck in a sharp breath, shuddering slightly and in an instant the shadows are gone and I'm staring into gold-flecked eyes, my hands trembling. His thumb strokes over my jugular as he leans in. "Do I have to make it an order?"

I bare my teeth. "I don't take orders from you." The mere insinuation is enough to make my hackles rise. I'm not one of his little minions.

He arches his stupidly perfect brow, the one with the scar bisecting it. "I'm your wingleader." His thumb is still pressing gently over my skin and I rise onto my toes, pressing my throat into his grip as I lean closer, my pulse hammering so hard I'm sure he feels it.

"You seem to spend a lot of time thinking about my inner thighs, wingleader." I croon, my heart skipping a beat as his grip tightens. I tilt my head back, staring up at him defiantly. His eyes narrow into a glare and my lips twitch as I try not to laugh.

A cough startles me from our staring match and I whirl around, pulling away from his grip as I look down at Bodhi guiltily, having forgotten he was there. He's still reclined back on the mat, propped up on his elbows, raising an eyebrow amusedly. "If you're done with your foreplay, you're welcome to take things somewhere else."

My cheeks heat and I open and close my mouth, searching for something to say. I feel something trail slowly up my calf and let out a startled yelp, kicking out with my foot as I stumble forward, looking behind me. A shadow skitters out from underneath my leathers, slinking back along the floor and my eyes shoot up to Xaden whose lips are twitching, curled up into a smirk.

I fume, face falling into a glare. "Ass."

His eyes glitter with amusement and he shrugs, hair falling carelessly across his forehead. "I'm going to consider it an order received." He smiles sharply, stepping around me to continue toward the weight room. "Don't make me tell you again."

I laugh a little, stopping him in his tracks as I step back onto the mat, pulling Bodhi up with one hand. "There's a very limited number of situations in which I'll obey orders from you, Riorson." I readjust my gloves. "None of which are anywhere near as public as this." I grin like a shark as I settle back into a fighting stance opposite his cousin, giving him no further attention. I feel his eyes linger on me a moment longer before he continues on his way, leaving behind one insolent shadow to press over my throat like a brand. I'm not sure if I just won or lost that argument.

Bodhi sighs, looking at me despairingly. "One of these days, he really is going to murder you."

I say nothing, only grinning at him winningly.

We spar for another hour or so and by the time we head back to our rooms, I'm dead on my feet. I spend less time than I would like in the bathing chambers, letting the hot water loosen my sore muscles, and decide to ask Sage to stay in my room tonight.

Given the presumption of added protection, I wash my armour, letting it hang over my arm as I pull on my lightweight sleeping clothes, throwing my cloak over the top for warmth. It's fucking freezing by now and I want winter to be over already, hating the frigid conditions it brings.

I'm halfway down the hall when I hear a noise and throw myself to the side, heart hammering in my chest as I turn to find a man I haven't seen before standing behind me. He's tall, with broad shoulders, and I'd wager his biceps to be about the size of my neck. What I'm saying is, he looks dangerous.

"Hello, Sorrengail." He tilts his head and the hair on the back of my neck stands on end.

"Hi." I say warily, taking a step back and then another, trying to surreptitiously pull one of my blades free from the corset over my arm.

"I've been thinking—"

"Who the fuck are you?" I cut him off, finally managing to get a dagger into my palm.

"That's not very polite."

I don't dare move my eyes from him, not to see if there's any doors open in the hall, or to estimate how far it is to my room. I can feel Lía's presence perk up in the back of my mind, like she's watching cautiously through me.

"Who the fuck are you?" I repeat. "What do you want?" I shift on my feet, prepared to duck if necessary.

"Are you scared, angel?" I stiffen, panic warring with fury. "I think I like the look of you better with less clothes on."

Just as I prepare to run, to throw myself backward and hope I can make it to my room in time to slam the warded door in his face, there's a sharp thud and a dagger is slamming into the wall he's leaning on, barely missing his head.

"Get the fuck away from my sister." Relief floods me and I back up another step, pressing myself close to the wall as Violet climbs the stairs behind him, Liam hot on her heels. The man's eyes flick back to them for only a second before they return to my face, studying me with a sort of cold, hungry calculation that makes my skin crawl.

"You heard her." I let my lip curl back in a snarl, trying to hide how scared I really am. "Fuck off while you still have all your body parts attached."

He merely smiles. "I'll be seeing you both." My blood freezes at that last word and I don't take my eyes off him, even as he casually descends the stairs, eyeing Liam challengingly as he passes. In a few seconds he's out of sight, but it's a moment before anyone moves.

"Remi." Violet darts down the hall, slamming into my side. "Are you ok?" I nod, curling into her slightly, unable to voice it yet.

"Have you seen that guy before?" I finally manage to get out and Violet shakes her head, but Liam nods, still watching the stairs warily.

"He's First Wing." He murmurs quietly. "I don't know his name." I can practically hear the silent addition—but I'm going to find out.

"He said both." I try my best not to stutter. "He said he'd be seeing us both." I clutch Violet to my side. I don't know what's thrown me so much. Maybe it's that I'm not wearing my armour—for the first time I've been caught unprotected and it could have been deadly—or maybe it was the undertone in his voice, the way he had threatened something worse than death.

"If he comes after you again, he'll wish he hadn't." Liam mutters, glancing back down the corridor.

"He called me 'angel'." It slips from my mouth unbidden and Liam's face darkens further. Violet pulls back, gripping my hand to guide me down the hall.

"Come on." She tugs me toward her room and I shake my head.

"I was just going to see if Sage was free."

Violet smiles a little. "She's with Rhiannon." Oh. That's...nice. "Just come and have a nap with us. if you want, you can leave after—once your corset's dry." We both know it won't dry until morning, the winter chill keeping things far too cold even inside the citadel walls.

"It's alright." I say softly, shaking my head. "My door is warded now, right? It's fine." I don't want to intrude on them again.

"Are you sure?" She asks, brow furrowing in concern.

"Yeah." No.

"Ok, then." She bites her lip, clearly not sold on the idea and I squeeze her hand, pulling away as we reach my door.

"I'll be fine." I try and smile, letting myself in. I nod to Liam in thanks before closing it behind me, locking it and hanging my armour from the doorknob.

There's a dagger underneath my pillow and one on my bedside table as I wrap myself up in the blankets; another clutched in my hand as I prop myself up in the corner, unable to close my eyes for more than a few minutes at a time. By the time the sun rises, I feel like a zombie and I'm sure I look no better.

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The next two days I'm on tenterhooks. I try not to let it show, but the confrontation really rattled me and we're crossing the rotunda when I finally spot the man again. I stiffen next to my sister, my hand sliding down to the dagger at my leg as we continue walking toward the academic wing. He's talking with two other guys, neither of whom I recognise, but I make note of their faces anyway—anyone who's friends with him is bad news, I'm certain of it.

My eyes don't leave them so I know the exact moment he looks up, his gaze landing on us before narrowing predatorily. The hand that isn't hanging loosely by my thigh sheath winds through Violet's arm, tugging her along. Liam is on her other side and I notice him tense. The man is behind us now, so I can't see him, but if Liam's concerned, I can only assume his friends are following.

Technically, we're all going the same place—Battle Brief—but I have no interest in being anywhere near them, let alone outnumbered. And I do consider three of them to outnumber us, when they have more muscles on each of them than Violet and I have combined. I won't give them the satisfaction of running, but my feet start to move faster as we push our way into the academic wing, moving down the hall.

My hand twitches, itching to draw my blade and when I spot Bodhi, Xaden and Garrick talking—ironically by the alcove Dain had attacked me in that very first week—I nudge Violet towards them, meeting Liam's eyes over her head. He nods slightly, pulling on her hand and I take the final few steps toward their group, ducking past Garrick to squeeze myself into the space between Xaden and Bodhi, reclining on the wall between them.

Their conversation ceases immediately and my pulse is thrumming as I look up, trying to appear casual. The group of First Wing riders are only a few feet away and I watch as they change trajectories abruptly, skirting around to the other side of the hallway and continuing on. The leader of their trio turns back, meeting my eyes, and I level him with a furious glare, lifting my chin.

"Remi?" Violet asks quietly and my eyes snap back to her.

"Yeah?" I swallow harshly.

"What are you thinking?"

That I don't want to go anywhere alone for the foreseeable future. "I'm thinking I might ask Lía to roast them." I answer instead. "War games aren't that far away."

"I would." She huffs, clearly having been roused by my brief spark of panic.

"You think they're seriously out to kill us?" She asks, gripping Liam's hand tight. "They're not unbonded like the others."

I press my lips together firmly, not wanting to scare her any more than I already have. "Some people don't kill for a reason." I exhale slowly, my heart rate finally calming.

"It's always First Wing." She mutters and the disgruntled face she makes startles a laugh out of me. They do appear to have a higher proportion of sadistic pricks than any other wing.

"Have the wingleader take care of it." I make a noise of protest, my cheeks flushing and Violet raises an eyebrow.

"Lía?"

I nod, sulkily. "She had a different suggestion." My eyes trail cautiously upward and to the side, where I've been avoiding looking this entire time.

He snorts, shaking his head. "No."

"He said no." I wait patiently, settling comfortably against him, my lips twitching. After another moment, his eyes narrow. "Does Sgaeyl have an opinion?" I smirk and when he pushes off the wall, still glaring, I know my theory is correct.

"Come on," I wheedle, ignoring Bodhi's laugh as I trot after him. "It's in your best interest." I try, a little grin forming on my lips. He ignores me and I have to almost run to keep up, his long legs eating up the hallway at a much faster rate than I can move. "I'll make it worth your while." His stride falters for half a second but before I can capitalise on it, he's through the door, climbing the stairs towards his usual spot at the back of the room.

When I throw myself into a seat next to Sage irreverently she laughs, looking at me amusedly. "Did I just see you harassing our wingleader again?"

"Of course not." I say at the same time as my sister says, "yes," dropping into the seat beside mine.

"I wouldn't call it harassment." I hedge. "It's more like...bargaining."

Liam grins, pulling out a the tiny wooden dragon he's been working on, one that looks suspiciously like Tairn. "If you were anyone else, he would have killed you by now." Somehow, I believe it.

"Well, luckily for me, he can't or he'd have to put up with my twin chastising him about it, forever." I smile angelically. Liam only shakes his head, going back to his carving. As Devera finally begins her lecture, I pull my sketchbook out and the charcoals I'd had Mira find me, resigning myself to an hour of working on my own art. This class is useless anyway.

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"Do you want to finally try those manoeuvres tomorrow?" I ask Lía, throwing my arms around her head. She chuffs, nudging my chest and I take that as a yes. I smile brightly, backing up with a yelp as a spiked, crimson head drops to the ground beside her, a single golden eye blinking at me.

"Gods, Deigh." I grasp at my chest, shaking my head at the large Red Daggertail. "You scared me." He chortles, almost like a laugh and I roll my eyes, peering around him to see Liam approaching Violet and Tairn on his other side.

Lía chuffs, pulling out of my grip to nudge his head with hers and I pause, my eyes darting between them. "Lía...are you two...?"

"No." She huffs, pushing me back onto my ass with her nose. I grin up at them from the grass for another minute before throwing myself to my feet, darting around her as I rush toward Liam.

"Liam!" I hiss, slamming into him. I shove at his arm, turning him around frantically before our two dragons can move. I slap at his forearm in emphasis and Violet stifles a laugh, peering past us to our dragons too.

"Remi." Lía chides, long-sufferingly and I grin. Really, given how much she teases me about the wingleader, I think I deserve a little input into who would make the perfect mate for her too. And obviously, the answer is Deigh, from a completely objective standpoint of course and not at all because I want to be stationed with one of my best friends for life.

"They're so cute." I squeak. Liam laughs, shaking his head. A shadow eclipses us and I stiffen, my eyes darting up to see black scales hovering over us. Slowly, I back up, crossing the distance to Deigh without looking behind me.

"Rem!" Violet calls exasperatedly, but I ignore her, spinning around to duck underneath Deigh's head and move myself into the space between Lía's foreleg and underbelly.

"I'm going to go, ok?" I reach up to pat her leg softly, ducking around her other side to head toward the stairs at the edge of the flight field. "I'll see you at dinner!" I call over my shoulder to Liam and Violet, giving Tairn a wide, wide berth. I have no interest in being anywhere near him. It's only once I'm crossing the rotunda that I realise I've left myself alone—vulnerable—and I break into a jog, heading for the dormitory stairs to look for Sage.

When I reach her room, the door is slightly ajar and I stumble inside, calling out to her. "Sage, where ha—" I pause, frowning as I look around. She's not here. That's...weird. I frown, wondering why she would leave the door open. I turn to leave, throwing the door shut behind me and jump at the screech of pain that follows.

My eyes widen and I spin around, throwing the door open again as I look for my friend. Rhiannon comes running down the hall from her own room and we look at each other in shock.

"Was that—"

"I don't know." I tell her, shaking my head. "She's not—" I'm cut off by a fist to the face and I yelp, stumbling backward, clutching at my cheek. "What the fuck?" My brain blares in panic and I fall into Rhiannon's arms. I hear a pained wheeze and just as I'm reaching for my daggers, the air in front of us ripples, Sage's golden skin coming into view, her eyes narrowed in a piercing glare as she clutches her face, blood streaming through her fingers.

"You're seeing this, right?" I grip Rhiannon's arm where its wrapped around my waist, holding me up.

"Yeah." She says slowly. "I saw that..."

"Saw what?!" Sage hisses. "You clearly didn't see shit when you slammed a door into my face!"

I blink rapidly, looking up at Rhiannon and then back to her. "Holy shit." I whisper, still gripping my cheek as the taller girl pushes me onto my feet. "Sage..." I say cautiously. "I think your signet just manifested."

"What?" She asks, pulling her hand away from her face and I wince—that nose is definitely broken.

"You were...camouflaged." I say at the same time as Rhiannon yelps, "invisible!"

"No, no, it's definitely camouflage." I argue. "There was like, a ripple." I wave my hand.

"What do you mean?" Sage asks, tears pricking her eyes and I step forward, studying her face with a grimace.

"You weren't there and then you were. Ask Fionn." I say and then quickly add, "you need to see Nolon."

She pulls at her short hair for a second and I wait while she no doubt confers with her dragon. Her gaze turns furious and she says through grit teeth, "apparently this isn't the first time." I stifle a laugh, biting the inside of my cheek to hide my amusement and her eyes drift back to my face. "Fuck, Remi. I'm sorry." She frowns. "That's already bruising."

I shrug, rubbing at the skin a little. At least it hasn't split open. "I did break your nose, so I suppose we're even."

"Come on," Rhiannon murmurs, gripping Sage's arm in hers. "I'll take you to the infirmary." I could set it here for her, but Nolon will probably do a better job—no need for her to end up with a wonky nose. "Can you let Violet know I won't be joining her in the gym after dinner?" She asks, leading Sage out into the hall.

"Sure." I say softly, stepping after them. Something Xaden said the night Violet and I were attacked comes back to me and I pause, reaching out to pull them to a stop. "Don't tell anyone about this." I say, keeping my voice low. Rhiannon's eyebrows flick upward in surprise but it's Sage I know who will take my meaning. "Secrets are the most valuable currency we have." Her eyes sharpen and she nods. She couldn't have received a more useful signet for us right now if she tried.

"I'll see you later." I wave them off, shutting Sage's door behind me as I head to my room. I change into some pants more appropriate for the gym than my flying leathers, presuming I might spar with Bodhi tonight if he's free and then dump my bag, making my way down the staircase and across the rotunda, into the gathering hall.

Once I have my food, I cut through the swathes of people, making my way toward our usual table. I'm later than normal and my patience is already wearing thin with the crowds milling around. I usually like to be in and out before it gets this busy. I drop into a seat next to Soleil, heaving a sigh as I reach for my fork.

"We were just about to come and find out where you we—what the fuck happened to you?" Violet gapes, drawing the rest of the table's attention. Imogen is next to her, Liam on her other side and Bodhi next to him. Soleil is flanked by Morgan, and Ridoc and Sawyer round out the end on my side.

"Is it that bad?" I ask, reaching up a hand to my cheekbone. It certainly hurts, but I have no doubt Sage is in a world more pain, so I can't really complain.

"Remi!" Violet leans closer, trying to get a better look. "I left you alone for half an hour!"

"Nothing happened." I reassure her, waving my hand. "Sage punched me in the face."

Imogen snorts, her hand covering her mouth and Bodhi leans forward, his elbow on the table as he says dryly, "and what did you do to provoke her?"

I plaster on the most betrayed expression I can muster. "Why would you think I did something?"

Liam's lips twitch. "Spill."

"I...accidentally slammed a door in her face and broke her nose." I say meekly, looking down at my food. Ridoc roars with laughter and I cover my face with my hands. "Rhiannon's taken her to see Nolon."

"How do you accidentally slam a door in someone's face?" Bodhi says, exasperated and I shake my head. I'm certainly not telling any of them and hopefully Rhiannon won't either—this is our ticket to some answers.

"I could give you a demonstration?" I snip back instead, shovelling food into my mouth. Imogen laughs across the table and I meet her eyes, giving her a slight smile. She's been...polite ever since that day I slammed a girl's head into a table for being prejudiced toward her. I certainly wouldn't call her nice or say that we're friends, but we tolerate each other.

"Rhiannon said to tell you guys she won't make it to the gym tonight." I continue, smiling. "I think she's grown quite attached to Sage's beautiful face—she wants to make sure it stays that way." That sets Ridoc off again and Sawyer with him, Soleil's mouth twitching into a grin at my side.

"You're entertaining, Sorrengail." Imogen shakes her head and I smirk, lifting my water.

"I'm glad you think so." I freeze, drink halfway to my mouth as I feel something skitter up my back, along my spine. "Because you're going to help her train."

"Really?" Violet smiles, excited, and Imogen's brows hit her hairline. I clench my jaw, turning my head to look up at him where he leans against our table, arms crossed over his chest.

He's looking at me with victory, like he's already won and I know somehow he's got something over me. I don't know what it is yet, whether its blackmail or something else, but he's certain this time he's going to get my agreement.

I can feel one of his shadows on the skin of my leg, almost stroking my calf as I study him calculatingly. What he doesn't know, is that my visit with Mira had already convinced me to take any opportunity necessary to better myself, I just hadn't gotten around to speaking with Imogen yet. Then he'd pressed me on it and well...my stubbornness made an appearance.

His smile is sharp. "Yes, your sister agreed she needs to work on certain muscle groups a little more." He's speaking to Violet, but his eyes are on me, waiting to see what I'll do—if I spring whatever trap he's come up with. It's almost like he has no idea who he's dealing with.

A slow smile stretches across my face. "Yeah." I make sure my voice is loud enough to carry, shrugging nonchalantly. "He'd like me to have a little more endurance the next time my thighs are over his shoulders."

Liam chokes, coughing loudly as he breathes in his drink by accident. Xaden's eyes widen a fraction and the corner of my mouth tilts up in a self-satisfied smirk. The table's fallen eerily quiet aside from Liam's coughing fit and when I finally drag my gaze away from our wingleader, they're gaping, all except for Bodhi who has his head in his hands.

My voice must have carried a little further than I intended, because the tables either side of us are also staring in disbelief, eyeing me like I'm crazy. I think I might be. I let my eyes trail back up to meet Xaden's, giving him an innocent little smile. "Was there something you wanted to add, wingleader?" I ask with false sweetness. "I think I've been pretty impressive in every other aspect."

Violet lets out a mortified squeak and my lips twitch as I try to hold back my laughter. That tick in his jaw is back and I resist the urge to stand and smooth my thumb over it. There's nothing I love more in this world than riling him up. Nothing.

He leans in close. "Whatever you need to tell yourself, angel." He murmurs, eyes burning into mine. It's ridiculous how hard it is to resist the urge to pull him closer—to capture his lips with mine. He's so unfairly fucking gorgeous.

I press my thighs together, trying not to let on how much he effects me. He reaches up with one hand to tug lightly on my braid and when he pulls away, I notice his palm is ensconced in shadows. Smart. "You start tonight." He orders, before turning and walking away, making his way through the doors and out of the gathering hall. My eyes follow him the whole damn time.

"Remi," Violet breathes and then she's bursting into giggles, Ridoc and Sawyer following along with her. Even Liam has a smile tugging at the edge of his lips as he shakes his head.

"I cannot believe the way you speak to him." Soleil says at my side, gaping in disbelief.

"No one else would dare." Imogen adds and Bodhi snorts.

"Yeah, because if it were anyone else, he'd have taken their head off." He rolls his eyes.

I frown, looking between them. "Well he can't." I shrug, trying to appear nonchalant. "Our lives are kind of intertwined now. Forever." I gesture at Violet with my hand. "So he just has to suffer me."

"No." Bodhi shakes his head. "I told you why, you just refuse to believe me."

"You're wrong." I tell him, finishing the last of my food so I can jump to my feet. "He's not interested. He's made that pretty clear." I shrug. "He just enjoys antagonising me." It's a game between us, a game I'm determined to win.

Chapter Text

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"Shh!" Sage hisses and I can only assume she's glaring at me. "They can't see us, but they can still hear us!" Her voice is almost inaudible.

"I'm sorry, I tripped over!" I snap in a whisper. "I can't see a fucking thing!" My night vision is perhaps not the greatest. She tugs hard on my arm, pulling me along and I think maybe she's still not over me accidentally breaking her nose.

A few weeks have passed since then and we've been biding our time, waiting for the perfect opportunity to do some further sneaking around. She's been practicing with her signet night and day, trying to get a firmer handle on it and finally she has enough control to camouflage us both, just for a little while.

Fionn copped an earful for not telling her earlier that she'd manifested it already. Personally, I can't help but laugh about it every time I remember it now. I think that might make me a terrible friend, but Sage knew what she was getting into.

She pulls me further along through the dim light of the Archives and I look around with a sense of...I don't know what. It's not nostalgia. I didn't spend nearly as much time here as Violet did. I guess I just feel strange about it now, knowing that the place my father and sister loved so much, might have been the death of him.

Sage leads the way to Markham's office and stops at the door, hesitating. "There's a ward here." My heart sinks as I realise all the stress of sneaking in here, was for nothing. "I can maybe bring it down." I blink twice.

"Sorry, what?" My eyebrows hit my hairline.

"I've been practicing that, too."

She's not told anyone she's manifested her signet, sticking to my idea of keeping it a secret, for now. But because she's been channeling for over a month, she's abandoned me for Professor Carr's lessons like everyone else. I don't know what she's learning in there besides the basics—getting to use that damned pen—but now I wish I'd asked. "You can do that?"

She humms, contemplatively. "Maybe."

I decide to just stand back, one hand still tangled with hers as she keeps us camouflaged, concentrating on the ward around the door as well. She's so damn capable it amazes me and often has me pouting with jealousy. There's nothing she can't do if she puts her mind to it.

Violet and I are some of the only riders who haven't begun channeling yet and I know it bothers my sister as much as it does me. I should be used to it by now, but I still hate being behind everyone else.

I'm a little more cautious about it than Vi, mostly because I feel less mentally stable and the warning Brennan left Mira has me worried. I have to place my trust in Lía to know when it's time, when I'm ready. There's not much else I can do.

The first rush of power is unmistakable. The first time it forms to you, surrounds you with a seemingly endless supply of energy, you'll be addicted to the high, to the possibilities of all you can do with it, to the control you hold in the palm of your hand. But here's the thing, that power can quickly turn and control you.

It concerns me that I might not manifest a signet once I start channeling—I'm almost always last at everything, there's not much I haven't struggled to do—but more than that, I'm worried I won't be able to control whatever power manifests, that I won't be mentally strong enough to handle it and it will control me. I don't want to die in some kind of magically induced implosion, so for now, I'm fine not having a pen.

"Got it." Sage murmurs with victory and the door swings open. She pulls me inside quickly, closing it behind us and immediately drops my hand, breath heaving with exhaustion as she reappears in my view. "That's the longest I've ever held it." She admits and I can visibly see the strain it's put on her.

"Well let's hope it's worth it." I mutter, edging around Markham's desk. Theres a bookshelf at the back of the room lined with tomes ranging in age from ancient and falling apart, to relatively new, and the wall beside it has a giant map of the continent pinned up. Sage clicks her fingers, illuminating the room with a low mage light and I sigh, envious.

"Stay alert, just in case he felt the ward come down." Sage says tightly and I nod, moving back to his desk. I start pulling open drawers, looking for anything that seems unusual or out of place. He's got stacks of pens, parchment and assorted nicknacks, but nothing that seems particularly interesting.

As I rifle through them, reading each heading and moving onto the next, Sage pulls a book from the shelf behind me. "This is the one." She sits it on the desk. "The book he had out that I was telling you about."

I nod, and a frown overtakes my face as I reach the bottom of the drawer and my fingers touch metal. I look down, drawing out a sharp dagger with an alloy-infused hilt. I flip it over in my hand, feeling the balance and my lips quirk up—it's a beautiful weapon, but—"what is a scribe doing with something like this?" I hold it out with a raised eyebrow.

Sage pulls it from my hand, bringing it up to her eyes, squinting in the soft mage light. "These are Tyrrish runes." Her thumb runs over the inscriptions in the handle.

"Well that's not suspicious at all." I mutter, wondering what the hell my dad had gotten himself involved in down here in the dark, quiet archives of the Scribe Quadrant. She passes it back over and I squeeze it into the sheath at my thigh alongside my own dagger.

"Do you think that's wise?" Sage asks pointedly, looking down at it.

"Probably not." I concede, but don't move to put it back. She sighs, diverting her attention to the book on the desk. "So you think there's only this copy?" I ask her and she shrugs.

"So far, anyway. I've not seen it or heard about it anywhere else." I press myself against her side, looking down at the simple cover. Navarre: An Unedited History by Colonel Lewis Markham. I wonder if it's truly unedited. Flipping the cover over, Sage skims through the pages, stopping somewhere near the middle to drag her finger over the text.

In response to the Great War, dragons claimed the western lands and gryphons the central ones, abandoning the Barrens and the memory of General Daramor, who nearly destroyed the Continent with his army. Our allies sailed home and we began a period of peace and prosperity as the provinces of Navarre united for the first time behind the safety of our wards, under the protection of the first bonded riders.

"Ok. I knew some of that." I comment.

"What did their army have that could almost decimate dragons?" Sage asks. "And gryphons as well? It makes no sense."

I bite my lip. "Whatever they had, it wasn't simple human infantry." I agree, my mind racing. "Do you think they had dragons of their own?"

Sage shakes her head. "I don't know. This entire thing is just so—so frustrating!" She flips the page again, moving past the first few passages about the unification and our wards. I throw my hand out suddenly, almost tearing a page as I pull the book towards me.

The first known gryphon attack occurred in 1 AU (After Unification) near what is now the trading post of Resson. At the edge of the dragon-protected border, the post has always been vulnerable to attack and over the course of the past six centuries, has changed hands no less than eleven times in what has become a never ending war to secure our borders from our power hungry enemies.

"Here." I say quietly, tapping my finger on the paragraph. "This is it." Sage leans over to read it closely. "They attacked almost immediately after we won the war. Why?"

Sage looks up in confusion. "You think whatever they're after now, is the same thing they were after six hundred years ago?"

I shrug. "What other explanation is there? We were allies, then the wards went up and we left them out in the cold. They attacked almost immediately after." I'm talking faster now, a theory unfolding in my mind. "We had something they needed then and I'd bet all the gold in the world, we still have it now. The question is—"

"What is it?" Sage finishes my sentence, nodding.

"My dad always used to say the best way to get to the bottom of things, is to start at the beginning." I'd always thought his advice like that was irrelevant to me—tailored to someone like Violet who was going to become a Scribe, a researcher. I've since come to realise that kind of advice is valuable everywhere—always. "This is it." I tap my finger on the page again. "This is where we find answers."

"Resson?" Sage makes a face. "How do you plan on getting us there and back without anyone noticing? It's a long flight from here."

"I don't know." I sigh frustratedly. "Maybe—maybe we don't have to. Are there any texts around here that would tell us anything useful about the place?"

"I don't know." Sage says tightly. "But Remi, think about the geography of this." She steps back, turning to the map of the continent pinned to the wall beside us. Her finger runs around the Cliffs of Dralor, circling the area south-west of Sumerton, where Resson lies at our border between Draithus and whatever remains of Aretia.

"If Tyrrendor wanted to secede from the unified provinces of Navarre, that puts them in between a rock and a hard place. They'd be fighting a war on two fronts." She moves her finger between Beaconshire Province and Poromiel's Krovla Province. "Why would they do that? It's a move destined for failure."

My eyes flick over the map, back to Markham's unpublished text and then come to rest on the map again. "Well the cliffs are meant to be unscalable but...Liam calls it the apostasy." I murmur, something clicking together in my mind. "All of the marked ones—they don't call it the rebellion or secession, they call it the apostasy."

Sage's brow furrows. "I've noticed, but isn't that just another word for defection?" She looks at me curiously. "They're just saying secession."

I shake my head immediately. "What if they're not?" I begin to thrum with excitement. "It does mean defection," I explain, "but it's a word that can also be used in place of reunification." I slap my hand down on the map, moving my palm in a large circle around Tyrrendor and Krovla Province. "They weren't just defecting from Navarre. They were rejoining Poromiel." I breathe. "They were never fighting a war on two sides—they were joining the other side."

I send a vibration down the bond toward my dragon, knowing she's not sleeping, even if it is the middle of the night. She's keeping an eye on me. "Lía—care to confirm?" A thread of amusement makes its way toward me, but that's all I get. I take it as an affirmative.

"Why though?" Sage asks and I can hear the frustration in her voice too, the annoyance at being so close to the answer and still not getting it. It's like having a word on the tip of your tongue but your brain just won't cooperate and let it out. "They were safe. Their whole province was safe from the gryphon riders, why would they risk that safety to join them?"

I think back to the words Markham wrote about Fen Riorson in this very book, what Xaden said about his father and his belief in doing the right thing. "I don't know." I murmur. Whatever Poromiel want—whatever their reason is for attacking us and trying to bring down the wards—Fen Riorson thought it was justified, and clearly Xaden does too.

"I don't think we're getting anywhere further tonight." I sigh disappointedly and Sage wraps an arm around my shoulders.

"Well we got somewhere at least." She points out, putting the book carefully back where she got it from. I arrange the papers in his drawer so they're how they were when we came in and hope he doesn't notice his weapon is missing. I want to find out what those runes mean—something in the back of my mind is telling me it's important and since I've been in the Riders Quadrant, I've learned to trust my instincts.

"Let's go." Sage murmurs, extinguishing her mage light. "You can stay with me tonight."

💫      🐉      ⚔️      🔥      🖤

November turns into December, the howling winds bringing snow to Basgiath and I find myself more exhausted than ever. I've been training almost every day in some form or another and it's taking its toll on my body. I can feel that I'm about to crash. I need a break.

I train with Violet under Imogen's purview every second evening in the gym. My twin goes each night she isn't doing squad training and even after that some nights, but that's not an intensity I can manage. I only have the endurance for every other day so that's what I do. That's not to say I have any time off though—the other days I'm either sparring with my own squad or Bodhi, studying for our various classes, or out flying with Lía, learning to keep my seat.

After extensive practice and the hours I've put in with Imogen, I'm managing to hold my seat for a short to midrange flight if we aren't doing manoeuvres. My leg muscles are stronger than any part of my upper body and that's paying off at least a little. I've fallen a dozen times, Lía catching me deftly on every occasion, but the fear never truly abates. I'm beginning to wonder if this terror—this unbridled fear of heights—is a feeling I'm going to have to live with for the rest of my life.

Currently, I'm reclined on the floor by the mats, leaning back against Liam's legs as I watch Rhiannon and Violet spar with wide eyes. Damn, my sister is fast. Morgan and Sage are sparring on the mats next to us, dancing around each other and I barely spare them a glance, my focus on the way Rhiannon wields a bow staff. It's not a weapon I'd choose for myself, but it's badass, all the same.

Ronan began dragging my squad down here to train a month ago in preparation for the squad battle coming up in the spring and I'd suggested that we spar sometimes against my sister's squad, that way we weren't fighting the same people and the same styles constantly. He'd convinced Dain fairly easily and I have a sneaking suspicion it only went over so well because he knows my squad would never harm Violet. Not badly, anyway.

"You're distracted tonight." Rhiannon says, her gaze flicking across to Liam above my head and I grin, smirking at my sister.

"Maybe we should ask our wingleader to move Liam back to my squad." I call. "You clearly have trouble focusing when he's around."

He huffs a laugh behind me and I watch as Violet's cheeks turn pink. "Maybe you should do some actual training, Remi!" She glares. I've sparred twice already tonight and she knows it, she's just embarrassed I called her out on her crush. I wish they'd hurry up and get together already—the tension is killing me.

"I did." I snort, rolling my eyes at her. "I'm taking a break." I'm waiting for my blood pressure to return to a decent range actually, so I don't pass out the minute I begin moving again.

"Take it somewhere else." Dain mutters and I roll my eyes again. Gods, he's such a stick in the mud.

"Challenges resume after solstice. If you don't keep giving a hundred percent, you're going to get your head taken off." My sister warns, turning back to face Rhiannon again. When I exhale next it's more of a whine. I'm trying, for Amari's sake!

"She's not wrong." A deep voice says behind me and Liam jumps to his feet, jolting me forward. I bristle a little at the pile-on, feeling as inadequate as ever as I watch my sister take on Rhiannon, not seeming to struggle as much as I do. I get flack from them all the time, the last thing I need is to cop it from Xaden too.

"Ow." I mutter pointedly, rubbing the back of my neck. I tilt my head back to meet Xaden's eyes, before looking him up and down as he passes. "Duly noted, wingleader." I say, my tone clipped. I let my eyes linger on his biceps for a moment, running over the rebellion relic that curls up his neck. When my eyes finally trail back up to his face, he's smirking, looking over at me from the mat they've stopped at.

Heat pools in my gut and just as I go to look away, he grasps the bottom of his shirt, tugging it over his head. His abdominals ripple and I let out a strangled sound, my mouth falling open as he drops it to the floor, his lips curving wickedly as he meets my eyes. I swallow, my mouth going dry as I take in every inch of perfect tawny skin that's on display. Gods.

"Doing ok there, Remi?" Liam laughs above me and I swing my gaze away, looking up at the blond wide-eyed.

"What? Yes!" I huff, falling back onto my elbows. "I'm fine. Why?" He bursts out laughing and I can't help it, my eyes are like magnets, drifting back towards the man in the centre of the room. He's so fucking gorgeous. It's really just unfair.

His bronze skin gleams under the mage lights as he begins sparring with Garrick, a turn on his feet revealing Sgaeyl's relic taking up the entire expanse of his back—I've never seen a dragon relic so large before. The artist in me wants to draw him, to pull my charcoals out and put them to page recording every curve, every ripple of his body as he moves. The woman in me wants to do something much, much worse.

"You're drooling." Liam says, drawing Violet and Rhiannon's attention and I throw my fist out, hitting him in the shin.

"What do you expect?" I whine quietly. "Look at that."

Xaden and I have returned to our usual verbal sparring in the weeks since I returned from Montserrat, something which both settles and disappoints me. Half of the time I'm convinced he hates me or thinks me incredibly inadequate. The other half of the time he's all lingering looks and fleeting shadow touches.

Before that god awful night when Violet and I had been attacked—when he'd interrupted me with Bodhi—I'd felt like maybe I was beginning to see a different side of him. He'd quickly closed off that window though in the most hurtful way and I was forced to accept that anything other than a slightly antagonistic wingleader-rider relationship wasn't going to happen.

It sucks because he's clearly very aware of the effect he has on me. Knows intimately how attractive I find everything about him. It's not as if I haven't been rejected before, but something about him draws me toward him and I'm struggling to deal with the fact that he's clearly not interested in anything with me besides coexisting—not even friendship.

The smart thing to do would be to let it go, to stop flirting and simply ignore him and the way he toys with my desires...but when have I ever been smart? If he wants to play this game, I'm not making it easy on him—you'd be hard pressed to find someone in the quadrant more stubborn and spiteful than me.

I've taken every opportunity over the last month to taunt him as much as humanly possible—wearing my hair out, trailing my fingers over him as I pass in the halls—just generally making my presence felt in what I hope is the most irritating way ever.

Unfortunately, whatever game we're playing, it now seems I'm losing.

"That is..." Rhiannon murmurs and my eyes shoot over, finding her and Violet frozen, staring across the room.

"It sure is." Vi agrees, her eyes flicking to me for a moment, a tiny smirk curving her mouth.

"Stop objectifying our wingleader." Liam teases.

"We're just...watching for technique." I murmur, imagining that skin pressed against mine, holding me down as he—a squeak escapes me and I look down to see a shadow sliding away from my inner thigh, disappearing under the bench. My eyes narrow and I look back up, glaring at how focused he is, the way he doesn't even need to spare a second of his attention to get to me.

"If you guys are this easily distracted, we're fucked for the Squad Battle," Dain barks at Violet and Rhiannon. "You can kiss any thought of visiting the front lines goodbye." I hadn't known that was the prize until recently, having missed the announcement when I was at the front lines, but now that I do know, I'm determined that my squad will win and not my sister's. There are things I want to look into that will be much easier on a sanctioned trip to the border. It's probably too much to hope for, that the winning squad will get to go to Athebyne.

I'm knocked out of my reverie by the approach of two men and I curse my inattention, jumping to my feet as they step up to the bench beside me. They're both First Wing—one of them being the man who confronted me in the hallway of our dorm a month ago—and I tense, my hand falling to the blade at my thigh, prepared to throw.

There's one or two of them missing now, but they've generally made their presence felt for the last month, putting all of us on edge. I still don't even know their names. The leader of them keeps appearing wherever we are, looking at me with eyes that seem to strip me down, a gaze that makes my skin crawl.

"Hello Sorrengail," he murmurs and I feel like prey—a rabbit frozen in the sights of a wolf. Liam steps forward, slightly in front of me, putting himself between them and us.

"I still can't believe that's the rider Tairn chose." The other one says with a quiet scoff, motioning towards my sister who's hunched over, Rhiannon's bow staff having just landed in her gut.

"Well believe it." I say with an edge to my voice, trying to calm my racing heart. We are not outnumbered here. They can't do anything.

"Those unbonded had the right idea." He wrinkles his nose in disgust, glancing up at the one I've mentally dubbed as in charge of them, though I don't think he's a squad leader. "I pity whatever wing they end up on." He laughs and I step around Liam, palming two of my daggers, viscous black venom shining on the blades. A rage I haven't given in to in months is flaring to life inside me, begging me to let go and bury my blade in his neck.

"Turn around and walk away." I advise them, my anger rising as they only laugh.

"What do I have to be afraid of, sweetheart? You can't even channel yet, from what I hear." The larger man sneers and his gaze drops down to my throat. "I've seen all of what you have. I've got nothing to worry about when it comes to you." I draw in a sharp breath, taking his meaning. It's not the first time someone's taunted me about that night, not even the first time he has. By all regards, this is tame compared to some of the lewd assertions I've had to deal with, but it never fails to make me angry.

"Men." I scoff, fury coursing through my veins. "So idiotic. You get one little taste of magic and suddenly you think it's the be all and end all?" I raise an eyebrow. "You saw nothing." I hiss. "You saw cowards who had to outnumber us six to two to even get a hit in." I spit, stepping closer to him as I raise one of my blades. "I didn't have magic the last time I killed someone, or the time before that." My voice drops to a low whisper. "I won't need it to do so again." My eyes bore into his. "Walk. Away." My heart thuds in my chest, my blood roaring in my ears, but not from fear or anxiety this time—from wrath. It feels good.

"I'd do as she says if I were you."

The hair on my arms stands on end as I feel him step up behind me, heat radiating off his bare skin. I relax back toward him, pressing my spine to his chest.

"They're only alive because of you." The first one spits and I grip my dagger tighter, debating whether I should bury it in his gut just as a warning.

"I'm not going to ask a third time." I say evenly. My arms hang loose at my sides, ready to lash out at a second's notice.

"Let's go, Vaughan." The smaller one concedes, though annoyingly, his eyes are over my shoulder rather than on me. Vaughan. At least I know one of their names now.

"Be seeing you, Sorrengail." He gets one last jab in as he backs away, following his friend. His eyes linger on me like a brand and I remain still as they retreat, watching them until they're all the way out the door of the gym. When they're finally gone, the tension leaves my shoulders and I slump, re-sheathing my daggers and turning on the spot.

I exhale shakily, my eyes widening a little as it puts me face to face with Xaden, barely an inch of space between us. "I had that handled." I murmur, flushing as my eyes fall to the sweat dripping down his chest—to the expanse of glistening, tawny skin on display.

His fingertips push my chin up, forcing me to meet his gaze. "My eyes are up here."

"I wasn't interested in those." I breathe unbidden, one hand coming up to press against his chest. My thumb runs over his skin and he inhales sharply, stepping back immediately. With a pang of disappointment, I let my hand fall away, watching as he turns toward my sister.

"Why the fuck is your armour on the bench and not on you?" He says disdainfully and I wince, foreseeing the explosion that's about to happen.

"I have to wash it sometime." Violet shrugs.

"And you thought it would be a good idea during sparring?" That familiar tick in his jaw is back and I can tell he's furious at the risk she's taken, given the two guys from First Wing we know are out to get us, just walked in and tried to start a fight.

"I washed it before sparring, knowing it could dry while Liam keeps watch, as opposed to sleeping without it because we both know what happens behind locked doors around here."

"Not behind yours anymore." His jaw ticks. "I made sure of it." I feel a tiny pang of gratitude again at the mention of it. I still have nightmares and there are still evenings I spend curled up in Sage or Violet's beds, but at least now I get some sleep.

"Because I'm supposed to trust you?" Violet shoots back and I could just shake her. My sister still refuses to accept the fact that she and Xaden are bonded for life—that he might give a damn about her well being, even if it is completely out of self-preservation.

"Yes! And let's not pretend Liam isn't in your bed most nights anyway." A vein in his neck bulges and I step in between them, not wanting the argument to descend into something worse.

"Stop it." I warn, turning a glare on him.

"Don't start with me, angel." His lip curls. "You should have—"

"Stop." I place my hand on his chest, resting at the base of his throat. "Vi," I look over my shoulder. "Put it back on. Now." Because I hadn't thought about it at the time, too focused on our enemies, but it terrifies me now—that she left herself unprotected.

I stand between them, holding Xaden's gaze as my sister moves to do just that, grumbling all the while. His skin is hot beneath my palm and I let my eyes drop to his lips, just once. Fuck, I want to kiss him. Even his mouth is stupidly perfect.

It's only once Violet's back on the mat that I step away, my fingers trailing down his side as I retreat, falling back toward the bench. He looks me up and down just once, his heated gaze burning my skin, sending desire rocketing through me.

As he turns to walk away, over to where Garrick is waiting, my gaze lands on his back and my mouth falls open a little. I hadn't been able to see before from across the gym, but it's textured intricately with raised silver lines—scars. They're short, thin lines, too precise to be from a whip. If I had to guess, I'd say they've been carved. There must be a hundred or more of them and my heart sinks.

I know he spent years in a foster home along with Liam and a cold feeling fills me as I wonder whether this clear, deliberate mutilation was something he suffered at the hands of Duke Lindell. Ultimately, it's none of my business, but just the thought—anger spikes in me, dark and furious at the thought of anyone hurting him like that. The feeling of protectiveness settles into my bones and I'm left to consider how stupid I am—unable to stop feeling so much for someone who will never reciprocate.

💫      🐉      ⚔️      🔥      🖤

Hours later, I lie awake in my room, wondering why I can't seem to relax. For some reason, my brain is refusing to switch off and it's driving me crazy. Whether it's theories about Navarre and our history, worries about challenges resuming, or even just what I need to write for my damn homework—I just can't seem to switch off.

Sage is off with Rhiannon somewhere, Bodhi's spending time with Cuir. I tried getting my charcoals out, but all I'd been able to draw was a perfect black and white rendering of Xaden Riorson's fucking back.

I groan, pulling myself to my feet. I decide to go and see if my sister is busy. She might have already gone to sleep, but if she hasn't, maybe she can at least help with my report that's due in a few days. Leathers and boots still on, I toss my cloak over my shoulders and trudge over to the door, swinging it open to step out into the hallway. When I turn towards her room however, my eyes grow as wide as saucers.

I blink twice to make sure I'm seeing what I think I am—that's my sister, dragging Liam through her doorway, one hand on his hip, her lips attached to his. I let out an excited squeak, clapping my hand over my mouth. Go little sis, finally! As she slams the door behind them I lean against my own, a grin stretching across my face. At least someone's enjoying themselves. For once, I'm not even a little jealous. They deserve to be happy and somehow I know they're perfect for each other.

I sigh, shaking my head a little. Maybe I'll just get some fresh air. I make sure I'm armed to the teeth before heading downstairs, still wary after the confrontation in the gym. I might consider trying to sleep in the infirmary tonight, given that I'm clearly too unsettled to get any decent rest on my own. But first I'll try the fresh air and see if that works—even if it is snowing outside.

I take the stairs slowly, still smiling to myself as I think of all the ways I'm going to tease my sister and best friend in the morning. My cloak flares out as I jump the last two steps to the landing and sways behind me as I emerge from the citadel, out into the courtyard.

I tilt my head back, smiling a little as the snowflakes land on my face, spinning around in the cold air. I hate the cold but I love the way everything looks covered in snow. The artist in me thinks there's nothing prettier than snow capped mountains.

I take a deep breath in, frowning when I notice the air doesn't smell cold and fresh—it smells sweet. A chuckle has me snapping my head to the side and I blush as I realise I've somehow completely missed Xaden Riorson standing beside me in my inattention.

He's leaning back against the the wall, one foot braced on the stone, smoking churam and watching me like he has some kind of right to. Like he's allowed to drag his eyes over me like that. It's fucking snowing and he doesn't even have the decency to put a cloak on like a normal human being and cover up all of his gorgeous skin.

"Well, well, look who's out after curfew, up to no good." I snark, taking a step toward him. "I'm shocked." That's an illegal drug after all.

He chuckles again. "Let's not pretend you don't have something much more potent wound through your hair right now, angel." That's...fair. It's nothing fun or relaxing though—nothing recreational; though he's given me some ideas.

Shoring up my confidence I take the last few steps toward him and pluck the rolled churam from his lips, lifting it to my own. I probably shouldn't be smoking it, Winifred would definitely have something to say about me putting my lungs under unnecessary stress, but damn it, I'd kill to be able to relax right now.

"Sure, help yourself." He mutters and I grin, passing it back as I lean against the wall beside him. A minute passes and then, "what brings you out here, alone?" His tone is reproachful and my eye twitches as I lift my head to look at him.

"I can look after myself." I protest with a frown, absentmindedly popping my knuckles. His lips quirk up like he thinks that's funny and I snatch the churam back out of his hands petulantly. I take a deep inhale, trying not to cough. "I'm stressed." I admit, looking down. "I couldn't sleep and Violet and Liam are...busy." My lips twitch and he frowns, kicking off the wall.

"Now?"

"Yes..." I trail off. "She just dragged him into her room." I answer. "Why?" His frown deepens if that's at all possible and I get a sinking feeling in my stomach. He's always seemed kind of interested in her and I wasn't lying to Bodhi when I had told him I felt Xaden often flirted with her. A jealousy I've been so good at repressing the last month or so flares back to life within me and I take a step back, a little hurt.

"They really like each other, so if you're thinking about interfering, don't." I glare, trying not to show how much it upsets me. "If you like her, keep it to yourself."

He looks down at me, eyes studying my face and shakes his head, a small smile on his lips. "I don't like your sister." He laughs. I shift uncomfortably, feeling put off by his knowing gaze. "The issue is, she's in no condition to consent right now." My brow furrows.

"Sgaeyl and Tairn are...also busy at the moment." He says. "It bleeds through—and last I checked, she sucks at grounding." I blink, wondering if I'm understanding him correctly.

"Are you saying—" I can't even finish the sentence, my cheeks flaming.

"Yes." He tears the churam back out of my grip, taking a long drag as thunder rumbles overhead.

"So you..."

"Yes." My lips twitch and when I meet his eyes I can't help but let a grin spread across my face. "You won't find it so amusing when Lía decides to find some relief." He tells me, rolling his eyes. She's gone suspiciously quiet actually.

"Well, don't worry about Violet, anyway." I respond, shaking my head. "She's been waiting for Liam to make a move. This just gave her the confidence to do it herself."

"Not something you seem to struggle with," he shoots back, inhaling deeply on the churam once more before putting it out against the wall. Ouch—that sounded like a criticism.

"I don't know," I reply through grit teeth. "The continual rejection is beginning to get to me."

"Did Bo—"

"If the next word out of your mouth is your cousin's name, I'm going to castrate you." I seethe, suddenly incredibly angry. "It was over a month ago and I know he told you what it was." Because really, there wasn't any other outcome. Xaden is his cousin and if he'd been truly mad about it for whatever reason—like he'd seemed to be that night—Bodhi would never have risked their relationship to keep his silence for me.

"Honestly, I can't for the life of me figure out why you fucking care so much." My throat tightens and when he tosses his head back against the wall, a laugh escaping him, I turn on my heel, intending to head for the stairs, my jaw quivering.

A wall of black materialises in front of me, almost scooping me up and pushing me backward. Arms wrap around my waist and I freeze as I feel the hard lines of his body against mine, pressing into my back as his face lowers to my hair. His nose traces over the skin behind my ear and then his lips are on my neck. I whimper, instinctively tilting my head to the side as his lips make their way down the line of my throat. "You drive me insane."

My heart is beating out of control and I can't find the words to even respond, the feel of his lips working over my skin setting my nerves alight. I draw in a shaky breath and without my permission, one of my hands winds over my shoulder to clutch at his hair, keeping him close. What the fuck is happening?

He's sucking a mark into the skin just above where my corset begins and my knees weaken. "Xaden," I breathe, turning in his grip. His hands wind into the hair at my scalp and I make a quiet noise, tilting my head back, giving myself over to his hold.

"Fuck." He curses, stepping back and I stand, frozen in disbelief as he pulls his hands away, closing his eyes.

"Xaden." I repeat and I hate that it comes out sounding more like a plea than anything else. Thunder cracks again, the sky lighting up amidst the snowfall.

"You should go." My mouth falls open. Go? He can't be serious.

"No."

I cross the distance between us in split-second and shove him back into the citadel wall, my hand reaching out toward his throat in anger. He bats it away, securing my palm between his own and I step forward, pressing every inch of my body against his.

"Go. Now." He says through grit teeth, trying to push me backward and I can hear my heart pounding in my ears. My mind is racing.

"Are you incapable of consenting right now?" I ask him seriously, pulse thrumming.

"This is a bad idea."

"Are—you—incapable—of—consenting?" I repeat, emphasising every word, forcing him to meet my eyes. For a moment I wonder if I read him wrong, but then his eyes close in defeat.

"I'm in control." He murmurs. "As much as I ever am around you anyway." My stomach swoops and I waste no time in pushing myself up onto my toes and tangling a hand in his hair, tugging his lips down to mine.

It's hot and insistent and everything I've fantasised about for the better part of the last five months. His hands release mine in order to reclaim their place in my hair, tilting my head back so he can kiss me deeper. I don't resist as he spins us, trapping me against the wall instead, I simply arch into him, rolling my body against his.

I'm way too eager, every part of me lighting up as he slips his tongue into my mouth, sliding it along mine. He kisses slowly—intimately—and as he sucks my lower lip between his own, teeth grazing along it teasingly, I whimper, clutching at his shoulders.

My fingers move up over his scalp, tugging on his hair as I try to get as close as possible. I want to devour him. He tastes like churam and mint and I regretfully pull away from his lips to start working my way down his throat, kissing and nipping at the column of his neck until I reach his collar. His skin is scorching hot.

"Angel," he moans, tipping his head back and arousal coils tighter in my gut. His hands slide down my body until they're cupping my ass and without further prompting, I wrap my legs around him. The wall digs into my back as he leans in, but I hardly care as I bring my lips back to his, kissing him deeply, ravenously.

I can feel the hard line of his cock pressing against me through our leathers and I roll my hips again, moaning into his mouth. He's a ridiculously good kisser and I wonder if there's anything in this world he's not unfairly skilled at. He grinds his hips into mine, stroking my tongue expertly with his own and I start to imagine his mouth in other places.

A hand cups my breast beneath my corset and I rock my hips again, chasing more friction as I pull away from his mouth to beg. "Xaden, please." I pant for breath, eyes fluttering open to meet his as he rests his forehead against my own.

"Remi." There's a plea in his tone and it hits me like a bolt of lightning. It's only the second time I've ever heard my name on his lips. "I can't be what you need." He lowers my feet to the ground slowly, hands sliding away from my legs.

"You don't get to decide what I need." I whisper, tilting my chin up defiantly. Five months, five fucking months and I almost have him—I'm damn well not going to let the chance slip away so easily. "I'm so completely fucking obsessed with you, Xaden Riorson." My hand cups his cheek. "If you don't want me, be honest about it and admit it. Otherwise, stop making excuses and take me to bed."

He groans, turning his head to kiss my hand where it rests against his skin. "You'll be the death of me, Remi Sorrengail." He presses his chest to mine and I drop a hand to his leathers, palming the hard length of his erection through them. Just give in, I think.

I rise onto my toes to kiss my way back up his neck, stopping when I reach his ear. "You can either follow me back up to my room," I rub my palm over his cock, "or I can drop to my knees right here." He jolts, bucking against me and I grin, kissing his throat softly, victorious.

"Fuck." He hisses, wrapping his arms around me and before I can say anything else, he's pushing me toward the stairs. I take them two at a time, the fastest I've ever climbed them and when we reach my room he follows me inside, shoving me up against the door so he can kiss me again. His hands reach up to my hair and I bat them aside, carefully tugging at the end of my braid until all the venomous barbs clatter to the floor. With the tie gone, my hair cascades over my shoulders in waves and he makes a strangled sound, weaving his fingers through the soft strands.

I laugh, light and joyful, and start pulling at his clothes, tugging until he's in only his pants and there's weapons littering the floor. Nimble fingers pull my cloak off and then begin expertly unlacing my corset for a second time. He tugs it away, leaving me in my chest bindings and slides to the floor in front of me, his hands on my thighs. I suck in a sharp breath, unable to stop myself from reaching down to tangle a hand in his hair. "Fuck."

He smirks wickedly, removing my daggers one by one until there's enough blades on the floor to start our own armoury. I kick off my boots, stumbling slightly, and he reaches out to steady me, helping me slide my pants down my legs. He strips off his own and then his underwear, leaving himself gloriously naked for me to admire.

My mouth goes dry and I press my thighs together—no one should look that perfect. He's all rippling muscle and tawny skin, the lines of his rebellion relic arcing up his side, only enhancing his beauty. He leans back in, dropping his lips to my throat and makes a soft noise. "Tell me to stop, angel." His hands skate over the back of my chest bindings. "If you're not sure, say now, because if I honestly, really get my hands on you—I won't be able to stop."

My toes curl in anticipation—it's almost like he hasn't been paying attention at all. I grasp his hand, dragging his fingertips across my soaked underwear. "Xaden," I breathe. "I need you. Please." He groans, pulling me with him as he backs toward the bed. He pulls my chest bindings away, falling to the edge of the mattress, and when I slide my underwear down over my legs, he drags me over his lap.

We make eye contact and a red flush spreads down my neck. "Fuck." I whimper, closing my eyes, a little mortified. He chuckles, stroking his hands down my sides and I know he's thinking of the same thing. For the first time tonight he channels, a shadow gliding up my leg and I bury my face in his neck. "Xaden!" I protest, shuddering in his grip as his fingers slide over my skin. He did this on purpose.

"No need for imagination this time, angel." He smirks, stroking his fingers along my slick core and I groan, arching into his touch. One of his hands is palming my breast, a thumb skating back and forth over my nipple and as he pushes one finger inside me, I feel his shadows stroke over my spine.

"Xaden," I moan, lifting my hands to his shoulders. I feel raised scar tissue beneath my fingers and pull back immediately, watching as he flinches, his expression turning guarded.

"Do they hurt?" I ask, palms hovering just above his skin, cautious.

"No."

"Good." With that, I dig my fingers back in, pulling him close as I drag his lip between my teeth. "Don't fucking stop." I whisper, claiming his lips with mine. He's still for a fraction of a second before he relaxes under my hands and when he crooks his finger, stroking gently, I quiver, pressing myself into his grip.

His thumb comes up to circle my clit, rubbing slow, gentle circles and I moan, feeling my skin heat as he presses another finger in alongside the first. Pleasure builds low in my gut and he drags his fingers over a spot that has my back arching. "Xaden," I beg, reduced to little more than moans and his name on my lips.

"So soft." His thumb moves in tighter and tighter circles and his lips work over my shoulders, sucking marks into my skin. "I bet you taste just as good as you feel." His tongue scrapes over my throat and I whimper, wrapping my arms around his shoulders until we're pressed chest to chest.

"Please." I beg, rocking my hips down onto his fingers. His free hand is on my back holding me steady, but a hand made of shadows is stroking along the delicate skin of my inner thigh, creeping higher and higher as he works my clit and I roll my hips down on his fingers at the same time. My pulse skyrockets and my chest heaves—I'm a complete fucking mess—and he kisses his way along my jaw, murmuring, "You're so hot fucking yourself on my fingers, Remi."

I whimper, feeling my arousal coil even tighter, and his teeth nip at my ear. "I can't wait to feel you come around my cock." I come with a yell, burying my teeth in the juncture between his neck and shoulder. I suck on his skin, trying to quiet myself as I shudder, rocking against his hand, but he keeps moving, his thumb never falling from my clit as he slips a third finger inside me. "Xaden," I gasp, curling into his chest as he stretches me. "Fuck." My breath comes faster and I hold onto him for dear life, shaking in his arms as he pushes me past one orgasm and into the next, expertly working his fingers to make me scream.

He swallows the sound of this one on his tongue and tears spring to my eyes as he kisses me thoroughly, my hips jerking as he playfully flicks his thumb over my clit once more. I squeeze his shoulder in protest, pulling back to glare at him, and he chuckles, running his eyes over me from my hair, down to my heaving chest.

He leans forward, bringing his mouth to my ear. "Did that live up to your imagination, angel?" He croons. I reach out, gripping his cock in retaliation and he moans, bucking up into my grip. His fingers are still inside me and I whimper as he crooks them, another wave of pleasure rolling over me.

I tilt my head to kiss him almost tenderly, pouring every ounce of feeling into it I can. "You know it did." He pulls back, sliding his fingers free and grasps my hips. We breathe each other's air for a moment as he keeps me close, and then he's rolling us, trapping me on the bed beneath him.

A startled moan escapes my throat at the feel of his cock rubbing against my wet core and I let my legs fall open further, imploring him with my eyes. "Please," I beg, unashamed. "I need you." I'm absolutely consumed by the feel of him, the look in his eyes as he presses himself against me and I roll my hips, dragging a gasp from his mouth.

He slides himself against me again and my eyes flutter shut, rolling back in my head as shifts his attention to my breasts, sucking a nipple into his mouth. His shadows stretch up over my skin, curling around my neck and I whimper, arching against him. "Xaden." I groan, an edge to my voice as I ask—command—him to give me more.

The feel of him between my thighs, at my breasts, my neck, it's all-encompassing and I pant, tugging on his hair with one hand. He pulls back, hovering above me with his weight on his forearms. Before he can ask me if I'm sure again, I reach down to wrap my hand around him, guiding the hard length of his cock to my entrance.

"I want all of you." I meet his eyes as he pushes inside me. "Everything you're willing to give." He says nothing, his forehead pressing against mine as he slowly slides his way in, inch by inch. I kiss him softly, stroking over his tongue with my own as my thighs quiver and when he's finally all the way in, my back arches. The stretch of him is exquisite. For a moment, my mind stills and I think, remember this, just in case it's the only time, in case I never get to have him again.

He's so deep inside me I feel owned, and as he moves, sliding out just a little to thrust back in, I moan, clenching around him. "So fucking perfect." He whispers and I roll my hips encouragingly, lifting my legs to wrap them around him, hooking my ankles together at his back.

"Xaden," I draw him closer, meeting his thrusts as he sets a brutal pace, hitting a spot inside me that makes me keen. Our skin is glistening with sweat and as I shudder, I reach my hands up, running my fingers over the taut lines of his abdominals, feeling them ripple beneath my palms as he fucks me.

"Harder." I demand, clenching my walls around him as his hips snap forward. He groans, his pace stuttering for a second before it picks up again, his shadows pressing into the skin at the base of my throat.

"Fuck, you take me so well." He pants and I jolt, clit pulsing at his words. I whimper, fingernails pressing harshly into his shoulders as I reach up, wrapping my arms around his neck. I keen as he hits that sweet spot inside me expertly, shaking apart as he does it again and again, driving into me with force.

"The fucking sounds you make." He groans again and just as I go to bite my lip, his shadows are between us, pressing against my clit. It hits me like a wave of fire and I convulse in his arms, eyes slamming shut as I gasp, all of my nerves lighting up. I moan, jerking against him as I come apart on his cock.

My walls have him in a vice grip and as my legs fall away from his hips, he reaches out to catch one, pushing my knee to my chest. He thrusts again, impossibly deep and when I moan this time, it's almost a sob. I go pliant in his grip, allowing him to chase his pleasure and as he presses against my cervix, I feel like I could come again.

"Please, please, please," I roll my hips desperately.

"Fuck," he moans, his brow furrowing in concentration. "Remi." I squeeze him tight, and with one final thrust he comes apart, shuddering as he climaxes, muffling his shout in my shoulder. Darkness lashes out around us, streaks of shadows flying into the walls, rattling my armoire so hard everything on top of it clatters to the floor.

We stare at each other for a moment, chests heaving, and then my lips start to twitch, laughter escaping me as I turn my head to the side, taking in the parchment and charcoals strewn across the floor. When I look back at him he's smiling softly and I can't help but lean up and kiss him, gently brushing my lips across his.

The look in his eyes is dangerous. It makes me believe for a second—one suspended moment—that maybe this could be more. He rolls onto his side, pulling me with him and I curl up into his chest, twining a leg around one of his. "That was..."

"Absurdly perfect?" He suggests, his hand sliding into my hair, thumb skating across my temple.

"Yeah." I agree, leaning into his touch. I keep reminding myself to enjoy the closeness, the intimacy while it lasts and like my thoughts had reached him (beyond my impeccable shields), he moves to pull away. "Stay." I tell him and there's no question in my tone—it's an order.

"Not a good idea." He murmurs. "People will talk."

"People already talk." I argue in a whisper, not letting go.

"We're not a good idea."

"The worst." I agree, not meaning a word.

He finally looks down to meet my eyes, sighing frustratedly at the way my mouth ticks up. If he truly didn't want anything ongoing, he should have stopped me before we even got upstairs. Now that he's given an inch—that I've had a taste of him—I don't want to relent. Not unless he's got a damn good reason.

"This doesn't change anything. I am who I am and I can't give you what you deserve—what you want." He looks at me seriously. "I'm not kind or sweet or gentle." His thumb strokes over my temple in complete contradiction to his words. "I can't put you first." A pang of sorrow hits me and I inhale sharply. "The worst thing you could do, would be fall in love with me." A sinking feeling in my gut says it might be a little late for that warning.

"Xaden," I say softly, reaching up to clutch at his shoulder. "I know who you are. Maybe I don't know all of your history or your secrets, but I know who you are at your core." I tap my fingers over his heart, holding his gaze steadily. "And no one chooses who they fall in love with. Not me, not you—no one. Love just happens." With that, I lay my head back down on his chest, considering the argument won...or ignored.

I don't address his declaration that he can never put me first. It hurts, but it's not news to me. I always knew there were eighty five people he'd have to put before me, that he has a responsibility toward and that's ok. It's hard and the thought of it has my heart squeezing in my chest, but it just goes to show the kind of man he is—honourable, loyal, a good man—the kind of man he likes to pretend he isn't.

He doesn't move for a second, almost frozen in place, before finally he sighs, accepting defeat—for now. "Just tonight." He murmurs. We'll have to agree to disagree there. "We should really clean up." He says and I groan, letting him pull me upright. When I stumble to my feet, my legs shake and I punch him in the arm as he smirks, helping me into my underwear. There's a thread of anxiety that winds through me as we sneak out in different directions and when I come back to an empty room, it twists my gut into knots.

For the first time in months I'm praying that someone walks through that door instead of staring at it with fear. I curl up on my side, facing away from it and wait to see if he'll keep to his reluctant acquiescence. Relief floods me when I hear the door open and close again, footsteps starting toward me. I leave my eyes shut, staying still even though every fibre of my body is calling out to him.

"Remi." He says tightly—frustrated—and I frown, flipping over with dread. He's hovering just inside the doorway in a pair of summer sleeping pants and a shirt (which is outrageous at this time of the year, mind you) and holding his foot. "Where are your fucking antidotes?"

I squint into the dark and he clicks his fingers, mage light flaring to life to reveal one of my poisonous barbs embedded in the bottom of his foot. I snort. "Oh. Oh shit." I slap a hand over my mouth, trying to hold back the laughter that wants to spill forth.

I scramble from the bed, toeing carefully around the parchment and charcoals on the floor until I reach my pack, digging through the pockets. "It's here somewhere." My amusement must bleed through because he scoffs, arms encircling my waist as I pull out a few vials, labelled only with coloured squares.

"Here." My lips twitch as I pass him the blue one, unable to resist the smile that stretches across them when he swallows it, glaring all the while.

With his arms around my waist, he walks me back over to the bed, then he curls up behind me as we lie down, pillowing my head on his bicep. "You're fucking dangerous."

I preen, taking it as a compliment. "Go to sleep." I tell him, leaning back in his embrace.

"Yes, angel." He replies sarcastically, but his face presses into my hair and I sigh, wrapping my arms over his. For the first time in a long time, I sleep peacefully.

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I'm woken by the slight tug of his arms as he attempts to free himself from the vice grip I have on him. Even in sleep, I've clutched him tightly to me, refusing to let him go. "What time is it?" I murmur, squeezing my eyes shut.

"Morning." He replies, like that answers my question at all. He attempts to pull his arms from my grip again, huffing when I don't let go. We both know my strength is no match for him and my heart warms a little at the fact that he doesn't just tear himself away. Gods, Remi—way to set the bar low.

I sigh, tilting my head up to kiss his jawline. He stiffens and instantly I deflate, letting go of his arms. "Ok." I try to quell my disappointment, reaching for my pillow so I can shuffle forward away from him, planting my head there instead of the juncture of his arm and shoulder. He moves slowly, hesitantly, and for a split second I think maybe he'll stay, but that hope is doused in an instant.

He's light on his feet as he rolls out of bed and I squeeze the pillow tightly, closing my eyes against the tears I feel welling in them. The last thing I want is for him to see that. Just go, I pray, pulling the blankets up to my chin now that the heat of his skin is no longer radiating into my back. There's a moment where his hand smooths over my hair, gently caressing my temple and I have to fight to keep my breathing even. Go, go, go, before I fall apart. 

I wait until I hear my door softly open and close, then slide my eyes open, glancing over my shoulder to make sure he's really gone. Once I've confirmed it, I pull the covers up over my head and curl up into a ball as a single sob shakes its way out of my chest. For a minute there, I'd felt like eighty-six. Now I feel like there should be a number higher than infinity.

Chapter Text

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“Remi! Open the damn door, we’re going to be late for class.”

I swallow harshly, looking between the door and my bed. I don’t want to go.

“Remi!” Sage calls, exasperated and I finally step forward, pulling the door open. “I know you got lai—” She stops, eyes tracing over my face with an observant familiarity only a best friend could have.

“Fuck.” I hiss, bringing my hands up to rub at my eyes and aborting the motion in the last second. “Is it that obvious?” If it’s visible that I cried, I’m not going anywhere.

She makes a low, angry noise in her throat and I stare at her in askance, my jaw tense. “No.” She says finally. “Some cold water will help.” She steps inside, closing the door behind her. “What did he do?”

I breathe out slowly. “I don’t know what you mean.”

Sage crosses her arms over her chest. “We share a wall.”

My mouth drops open and I feel my cheeks burn red in mortification. “Oh gods,” I whisper.

“It’s fine. I went to Rhiannon’s room.” She says. “And you weren’t that loud, I was just awake when you got in.” I hope she’s not lying to make me feel better, because I also share a wall with Morgan and I’d like to be able to look her in the eye again.

“What did he do?” She repeats herself through grit teeth and I bite the inside of my lip, sinking my feet into the plush floor of my mindspace.

“Nothing I shouldn’t have expected.” I shake my head. “Nothing he didn’t warn me about." And it’s true. I’d assumed I could change his mind, that I could win him over with words and reassurances, that when he’d said just tonight it wasn’t a sure thing. That’s on me.

“Remi.” Sage says softly, entreating.

“It was…it was good. Better than good.” I tell her sadly. “But he doesn’t want anything more with me and there’s nothing I can do about that.” I shrug. “It is what it is.” I lean in as she wraps her arms around me. “I don’t know why I thought—”

“Fuck. I’m sorry, Rem.” Sage presses my face into her shoulder and I shake as my throat tightens and I try to hold in everything I’m feeling.

“It’s ok.” I pull back and try to smile. “I just need to get through today without—” I grip her hand tight. “I don’t want him to know.” I decide on. “I don’t want anyone to know how much I—”

“Let’s get you into your corset.”

Because I’m standing here in my leather pants and shirt, not yet having armoured myself in any of the ways that count. When I’d crawled out of my blanket cocoon, I’d found everything in my room back in order—my art supplies nearly arranged on the armoire, my weaponry all stacked next to them—he must have used his shadows to tidy up while I slept because as soon as I was awake he’d left with barely a moment’s pause.

She helps weave small blades into my hair, the way Winifred’s done for me before and by the time I’m lacing up my boots, there’s so many weapons on me I must weigh an extra five pounds. It helps—feeling dangerous. “Thanks.” I murmur, shouldering my pack. Before she can open the door again I take a few deep breaths, settling into my bones in a way that feels all too familiar.

“Lía.” I reach out, opening that window a crack for the first time since last night. Relief and then concern floods down our connection and I smile a little, trying to focus on a feeling of reassurance. “I don’t want to block you out, but I—I don’t feel great today, ok?” I let my mind brush against her presence and she sends me a warm, comforting feeling.

“Ok.” She murmurs.

I make it through history by focusing on my sketchbook, Lía and Deigh coming to life in black and white on the page as I try to avoid thinking about anything else. When we go to lunch in the gathering hall I finally see Violet and Liam, a smile ticking up on my lips as we approach our usual table.

“Hello.” I say knowingly, swinging into the seat across from them so I can stare at them, a small grin on my face. They get progressively redder until Liam clears his throat.

“Why are you looking at us like that?”

I rest my chin in my hand, raising an eyebrow as Imogen slides into the seat beside Liam. “I’m trying to decide who I have to give the shovel talk to, or whether I should just give it twice.”

“Remi!” Violet protests, covering her face with her hands and I turn my gaze on Liam alone, glee filling my eyes.

“I guess blood comes first in this instance.” I slide a dagger from my corset, flipping it over in my hand. Imogen snorts and when I glance at her, I can’t help it—we start laughing. “I’m just kidding.” I return the dagger to its sheath, picking up my fork instead. “I’m really happy for you guys.” Because Violet’s leaning into Liam’s side, a small smile on her face and I know today has gone better for her than it has for me.

“Thanks.” She says quietly, looking up at the blond Tyrr with a soft expression on her face. “You know, we might not even be together if it wasn’t for you.” She mentions. “I only approached him that first time because I was worried about you.” My eyebrows hit my hairline.

“I didn’t know that.” I look between them. I wonder why Liam never told me. At that exact moment, Bodhi takes a seat next to me, his side brushing against mine. He turns to say something and stops abruptly, leaning forward to skate his finger under the neckline of my corset. I tense for a moment, wondering what he’s doing and when I turn toward him, his eyes are wide.

“Holy shit.” He says quietly, snapping his head in the direction of the leadership table and then back again. “Did you—”

Sage cuts him off with a shove to the shoulder behind my back and when I glance at her, she’s drawing her finger across her neck. She leans closer, her mouth just above my ear. “You have a distinctly mouth-shaped bruise just below your collar.” She whispers and my stomach fills with dread.

I put it together pretty quickly that whatever marks I left on Xaden’s skin are on display—prominently enough for Bodhi to understand upon seeing mine, what happened last night.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” I murmur to him, looking down at my plate. He tenses beside me and I lean into him, his arm wrapping around my waist.

“Are you ok?”

I shrug. “I’m fine.” I try and smile at him. “Do you want to spar today?” I have no classes after this. “Almost everyone is going to Professor Carr’s class after lunch and since I’m yet to channel…” I trail off.

“I have flight manoeuvres.” He grimaces. “I’m sorry.” I guess that means I’m not going to the flight field either, if the second-years have it.

“Vi?” I ask questioningly and she shakes her head, looking guilty.

“I actually started channeling last night.” She explains and I try to keep the false smile on my face.

“Oh, that’s good, congratulations.” I reach across the table to squeeze her hand. It also makes a lot of sense. I presume the side effect Xaden said she was experiencing last night, bleeds through stronger when you’re channeling.

I must be one of the only riders in our year group that’s still not channeling. Certainly I’m the only one at our table who isn’t yet, even now that the rest of Violet’s squad have joined us. Bodhi’s hand drops to my thigh beneath the table, squeezing softly. “I’m sure Lía will let you soon.” I’m not so certain, but I appreciate the sentiment.

I head up to the dorms with Rhiannon and Violet when they’re finished eating, Rhi wanting to repack her satchel for the afternoon. I follow them into her room, grinning genuinely as the taller girl starts harassing Violet about the night before.

“I—yeah.” My sister is blushing, a grin on her face too as she leans back on Rhiannon’s bed. “He knows exactly what he’s doing.”

I laugh, covering my mouth with my hand. It’s then that Rhiannon turns to me and my heart drops at the look in her eyes. “And you? Spill.”

Fuck. Sage came here last night. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” And I beg her, plead with my eyes for her to leave it. She must see something hurt or desperate in my gaze because her eyes soften and she says nothing else. Unfortunately it’s too late.

“Rem?” Violet asks. “What does she mean?”

I swallow, picking at the blankets beneath me as I avoid her eyes. “I um…you know how you felt last night? The—the heat?” I’m not entirely sure what it felt like to her, but I know Xaden’s skin had been searing hot.

She looks at me cautiously. “How did you…?”

“Did you know it was coming through your bond? From Tairn and Sgaeyl?” I ask, finally looking at her. Her mouth falls open a little.

“I thought it was a side effect of channeling for the first time.” She says and I guess it’s a reasonable assumption. She probably thought it was just heat searing through her veins before she saw Liam. Maybe from there she just assumed it was her feelings for him, only enhanced.

“It kind of is.” I tell her. “But what happened last night was Tairn and Sgaeyl were…having a good time,” my lips twitch a little, “and that bled through to you. If you don’t fix your grounding and learn to shield properly, then whenever they’re doing that and he forgets to shield you, you’ll feel…the effects.”

She stares, open mouthed. Rhiannon lets out a shocked laugh, looking between us. “Wait so…you were horny last night because your dragon was?”

Violet turns progressively redder. “I—” She makes a strangled sound in her throat.

“It’s ok.” I laugh, reaching out to pull her into a hug. “I’m sure you would have worked up the courage eventually to hit on him without Tairn’s help.”

“Remi!” She protests, slapping me in the shoulder.

“You did enjoy it though, right?” I double check. “I don’t have to beat Liam up?”

“Yes.” She confirms again, leaning back from me. “He’s…he was perfect. He is perfect.”

I grasp her hand, squeezing it tight. “I’m glad.”

She clears her throat, brow furrowing as she studies me. “How did you know…about Tairn and Sgaeyl?”

Rhiannon winces, looking at me apologetically and I shrug, looking down again. “Xaden told me.” I finally answer. “I saw you drag Liam into your room.” I explain. “He was concerned you couldn’t consent.” I draw in a deep breath, looking up at her as I exhale. She should know at least, that he’d wanted to protect her, because it was the right thing to do. “I told him not to worry about it.”

She looks torn, glancing between me and Rhiannon. “And?”

“And then I slept with him.” I say quickly, trying to appear nonchalant. Violet makes a sound of surprise and when I look up, the grin that’s growing on her face falls abruptly. “It’s not—please don’t make a big deal out of it.” I whisper. “It’s nothing.”

Her face turns thunderous. “Did he hurt you?”

“No.” I insist quickly. “No.” I shake my head. “It’s just…it’s not like you and Liam.” I swallow back my disappointment.

“But you wanted it to be.” She says with a dawning realisation and I stand, heading for the door.

“It doesn’t matter what I want.” I say softly. When has it ever? The weight of my sister slams into my back as she wraps her arms around me, squeezing tight.

“I love you, Rem.” She says quietly, like I need a reminder. Maybe today I do. I turn in her embrace, hugging her back tightly.

“I’m so happy for you, Vi.” I try to smile. “Liam is great.”

Rhiannon slams into us, causing us to stumble backward as she wraps her arms around us both. “Group hug!” She exclaims, squeezing us together as she breaks the tension. I meet her eyes behind Violet’s head, smiling thankfully.

“Come on,” I step back, waving them toward the door. “I want to hear all about the creepy professor’s class tonight.” When they make their way down the staircase, I follow. “Lía,” I call in my mind. “Do you think you could meet me at the lake?” The second-years have the flight field and there aren’t many other places inside the grounds during the day where I can see my dragon.

“Of course.” She replies softly and I trot after my sister and her friend, meeting Liam in the hall who’d no doubt been about to knock on Rhi’s door. I honestly couldn’t tell you whether his inability to leave Violet alone for more than five minutes is because of his dedication to Xaden, or because he’s sickeningly, ridiculously in love with her. Probably both.

I grin at him as he steps closer to her, their hands knocking together as we all head out into the rotunda. Sawyer and Ridoc are leaving the commons and link up with the others going to the academic wing as I turn and head the other way, down towards the lake.

Lía’s already there, waiting for me. I drop my pack as I approach, sliding my hands up onto her scales, cradling her nose to my chest. “Hi.” The rest of the waterfront is empty and I lean in, kissing her scales. “I’ve missed you.” I tell her. It hasn’t been that long—I always make time to see her now to work on our flying, not that I get anywhere—but it’s been a couple of days at least with all the snowfall we’ve been getting.

It’s wet under my boots even now, so I sit on her foreleg rather than the ground, curling into her. “So you were kind of way off-base with your mate recommendation.” I tell her. “Bodhi definitely would have been a better choice.” She’s been in my head all morning, I assume she’s well aware of what happened by now.

She chuffs, nudging at my head with her maw. “Give him time, Remi.” She implores. “He’s just scared.”

I frown, shaking my head. “I don’t think Xaden’s scared of anything.”

Lía chortles at that, a little huff escaping her as if she’s laughing. “He gets scared just like everyone else.” She replies. I don’t know if I believe her. Xaden’s so strong and in control, always. “It’s hard for him.” I open my mouth to protest, feeling slightly indignant. Shouldn’t she be on my side? She interrupts before I can. “He’s never had a mate before.” She says. It takes me a second to wrap my head around what she means.

“You mean a relationship?” I clarify.

“Yes.” She confirms. “And there’s a lot weighing on him.” She brings her nose to the ground, so her golden eye is level with my face where I sit upright on her leg. “I’m always on your side, little one.” Her gaze drills into me. “I wouldn’t excuse him if I thought he wasn’t worthy of you.”

I ponder that for a moment, wondering if her knowledge of whatever the marked ones are up to, plays into the level of grace she’s willing to give him. I have to assume that it does. I sigh, closing my eyes as I lean back into her. “He hurt me, Lía.” I admit quietly. “I didn’t need him to put me above his responsibilities. I just—I just wanted him to stay.”

A lonely, desolate feeling surges through me once more and she sends a wave of comfort my way. “Perhaps he thinks things will be easier on him if you hate him now, rather than later. He might just be protecting himself.” For a moment in my mind, I damn Greens and their compunction to be reasonable, but then I think over her words again. My eyes fly open and I look at her suspiciously, brow furrowing.

“How much of this is you talking and how much is Sgaeyl?” She merely blinks and I know I’ve hit the nail on the head. “Lía! That’s—she shouldn’t be telling you that. You shouldn’t be telling me.” I wince. For his dragon to share however he’s feeling with Lía, knowing it would make it to me…that’s a huge violation of trust.

“She was convincing me not to incinerate him.” She replies waspishly and I soften a little. “He hurt you—knowingly.” She grumbles and I know even with a good reason, he’ll be lucky if Lía trusts him again any time soon. As for what that reason was…

I run our conversation back through my mind, biting my lip. “Ok.” I look at her seriously. “So Xaden thinks I’ll hate him for whatever secret it is that they’re all keeping.” I state. “You know what that secret is and you know me. Do you think I’ll hate him?”

She chuffs, a hissing sound escaping her and I flick my fingernail against the scales on her nose. “Don’t laugh at me.” I say reproachfully. “Seriously, this is important.”

Lía moves her head to the side, swinging her maw into me with enough force to knock me into the snow. I squeal indignantly, launching myself to my feet before it can soak through my cloak. “Lía!”

“I doubt anything he does will ever make you hate him.” My dragon replies dryly and I glare, feeling insanely called out. Rude.

“Nothing I know about will make you hate him.” She confirms. “But I’m not Sgaeyl—or Tairn—I don’t know everything.” That sounded a little less certain. I sigh, rocking back on my heels.

If I take what she does know and conflate that with what I know about Xaden, about who he is as a person, I doubt too, that there’s any secrets he’s keeping that could possibly make me hate him—enough to end a relationship anyway, if he’d deign to start one—so what makes Xaden so damn sure?

I groan, spinning in place. I’m so tired of not having all the information—of things not making sense.

“That’s life, Remi.” Lía says gently. “No one—human or dragon—ever has all the information. There will always be something in life we don’t understand or that doesn’t make sense. We just do our best with what we have.” And that’s exactly why I like numbers.

“Fine.” I grumble. “So what’s your advice then?” I know she has some, she always does.

“I’ve told you before.” Lía chides. “Some males require a little more coaxing than others.”

A slow, wicked grin spreads across my face. My dragon might be onto something.

💫      🐉      ⚔️      🔥      🖤

By the time December’s coming to a close, I’m wondering what it might mean if I’m not channeling by the end of our first year. I don’t think there’s ever been a first-year rider who hadn’t channeled within the first few months of bonding and that timeframe is a stretch.

Lía insists I’ll channel when I’m ready but I’m starting to feel like I’m falling behind. If I can’t channel, I can’t manifest a signet and right now I’m getting no practice with magic at all. If I don’t start soon, everyone else will be so far ahead of me, I’ll never catch up. I’m the one by the way. The one rider left who isn’t channeling. Every other first-year rider is channeling and the majority of them have manifested their signets already, there’s only me left.

“Remi,” Violet calls, knocking on my door and I climb to my feet with a sigh, getting up to greet her.

“Hi.” I say softly, waving her in with a hand.

She looks at me with concern. “Are you still worrying about channeling?” She asks, reaching out a hand and I sigh, shrugging it off my shoulder. I feel so inadequate all the time again and I don’t really know what to do with that feeling when everything that’s causing it is out of my control.

“Maybe.” I finally answer her, flopping back down on my bed. “I’m the last one left, you know?” I stare despairingly at the wall. “What if I never channel? What happens then?”

Violet snorts. “Of course you will, Rem.” She approaches hesitantly, her arm winding around my shoulders when I don’t push her away again. “Lía’s just being cautious with you.” She says sympathetically. “Maybe it scares her. The idea of piling more pressure on your shoulders.” She says it like it scares her too.

“I’m fine.” I grumble. “I think I’ve been doing pretty well, all things considered.” It’s true. I’ve been training really hard, working on my flying so much and dealing with the anxiety my lack of magic induces, all alongside the disappointment that is Xaden.

“You have.” She smiles, pulling my head down to her shoulder. “And don’t worry about falling behind.” She chastises. “You could shield months and months ago, before you were even bonded to a dragon. That’s unheard of.” She sounds proud. “When you channel, I’m sure you’ll pick it up quickly.”

I look up, noting the dark circles under my sister’s eyes. I guess it’s still not going very well for her then. She still hasn’t manifested a signet, which I find strange and a little concerning, given the immense well of power she’s meant to be drawing from. But hey, at least she can use a damned pen. “Anyway, I came to tell you to get dressed—we’re going out tonight!”

I eye her strangely. “Out where?” The last time she’d come to me with a proposition like this, it was to go and hunt down fonilee berries in the dark. That evening did not end particularly well.

“It’s the solstice.” She tells me like I don’t already know what day it is. At my raised eyebrow, she huffs. “Apparently people who weren’t raised in command posts by Lilith Sorrengail actually celebrate it.”

I snort, hitting her in the ribs with my elbow. “Shut up!” I tell her. “You know dad always used to try.” At least at first—back when we were kids and Mira and Brennan were still at home. He’d pull us all around the fireplace and make us tea, reading fables from that book Violet loves more than anything else. After Brennan though…

“Well, we’ve already had our traditional evening meal of military rations.” My sister says dryly. “And now the entire wing is getting together for a party by the lake.” She grins. “So pull yourself together. We’re not missing out—for once in our lives, we’re going to be normal twenty year olds!”

“Normal?” I look at her skeptically. Neither of us have ever been normal. She gives me a disdainful look and stands, pulling me from the bed.

“Come on, do something with your hair.”

I sigh, approaching my armoire. My corset is on, along with my leather pants and I toss a shirt and cloak over the top, reaching for my boots. Once they’re tied, I eye myself in the mirror critically. I look…tired, but there’s no helping that.

My hair flows loose over my shoulders and as I stare at it, a small smirk tugs at the edge of my lips. I run a brush through it and then pull a small amount up into a knot atop my head, pulling a few strands loose to frame my face. It’s a look I used to wear all the time before the Riders Quadrant—cute, mostly down.

Violet grimaces, opening her mouth hesitantly. “Is that safe?”

I shrug, sliding a couple of daggers into the sheathes at my thighs. “Probably not.” I offer her a sardonic grin. “But it’s the solstice and you said it’s only our wing, so…” I lead the way out the door, heading for the stairs. Rhiannon is waiting by the landing along with Sage and we all head out into the night together.

“It’s technically past curfew.” Sage points out and my sister laughs, tipping her head back to look up at the night sky.

“Apparently it’s the one night of the year the professors don’t care.”

My best friend looks to me then, her eyes lingering on my hair. She raises an eyebrow, a small smirk pulling at her lips. “Remi, must you torment our wingleader, so?”

“I have no clue what you’re talking about.” I say sweetly, grinning back at her. If I owned anything sexier, I would have forgone the corset too. “He hasn’t so much as looked at me in weeks. Will he even be there?” Parties don’t really seem like his thing, I’m just covering my bases just in case. He’s been avoiding me incredibly well ever since leaving me in my room that morning, weeks ago.

“He’ll be there.” Violet confirms. “I did say the whole wing.”

I can hear the sounds of laughter and merriment before we even reach the shore, along with the sound of a flute playing a melody. Who brings a flute across the parapet? I mean, it’s nice, but really? When we reach the small crowd milling around, I notice someone—presumably a third-year—has secured a supply of mead for us. There’s even the sweet smell of churam in the air and I grin, heading straight for the alcohol.

Ridoc and Sawyer are already there and I accept a glass from them thankfully, downing it in one go before holding it out, waiting for someone to refill it. Sawyer gapes.

“You’re my new best friend.” Ridoc drags me over, filling both our glasses. We clink them together before I start on the second, chasing the little buzz alcohol brings. “Still stressed about channelling?” He asks and I sigh, draining the rest of my glass.

“Yes.”

A small, alarmed part of me is saying this is a bad idea—that I shouldn’t let myself become impaired to any extent while in Basgiath—but gods, another part of me would like some relief from my racing thoughts.

I don’t usually drink—I hate not being in control of myself—but right now, I need it. I’m not planning on getting rip-roaring drunk anyway, I just want that little feeling of relaxation. I want the stress to leave my body behind. I have plenty of friends here to watch my back anyway, it’ll be fine.

I’m quite quickly drawn into a conversation with a couple of other members of Violet’s squad and a few more riders from the year above us, some of them watching me warily. They eventually relax when they realise I’m relatively normal and not about to slit their throats in the middle of a party.

There’s little bonfires spotted around the snowy hills for warmth and when I turn mid-conversation with a woman from Claw Section, I see Bodhi standing by one, Xaden and Garrick at his side as per usual. “Excuse me a moment.” I step forward, weaving through the crowd until I’m at his side.

“Happy solstice, Bodhi.” I grin, leaning in to hug him with one arm, downing the rest of my mead with the other. I sit the cup down and proceed to twirl my hair around my finger, turning my head slightly to say, “Garrick. Wingleader.” Honestly, I’d half expected Xaden to turn on his heel and run the minute I approached given how pedantically he’s been avoiding me all month, but he’s still here, seemingly frozen in place.

“Happy solstice, Rem.” Bodhi murmurs back and I melt into his side, glancing casually over to the shore where my sister is looking up at the stars, Liam’s arms wrapped around her. “They’re pretty cute.” He says, following my gaze.

“They are.” I smile a little. “Kind of ironic really, when you think about it.” I comb my hair back over my chest.

“How do you mean?” He asks.

My lips twitch. “Just that it’s sort of poignant, isn’t it?” I finally let my attention slip to the side, locking eyes with Xaden. “A daughter of a general and the son of a separatist—perfect for each other.” I hold his gaze challengingly.

I see Garrick freeze in the corner of my eye and it feels like the entire group holds a collective breath.

“But then, my sister’s always been the lucky one.” I reach up to pull the knot at the top of my head free, allowing the rest of my hair to cascade over my shoulders. The same hand threads through it, ruffling until it sits haphazardly, strands blowing in the evening breeze.

The tense silence is broken by Ridoc who’s seen my empty hand from across the hillside and come to slam another tumbler into it, demanding I drink more. I snort, downing the glass and tossing it back to him, laughing as he fumbles an attempt to catch it.

“Come on!” He pulls me away from Bodhi and toward the man playing the flute. “Let’s have some fun.” I turn my head over my shoulder to laugh apologetically, a grin ticking up as Bodhi waves me away, his eyes dropping to Ridoc’s hand on my waist. It’s cute that he’s so protective, even though he knows there’s no way I’m doing anything with Violet’s squadmate tonight—or ever.

I don’t bother glancing over at Xaden, knowing his face will be guarded or completely expressionless now. There’s a group of people dancing to the tune the cadet is playing and Ridoc drags me over to Rhiannon who’s dancing with Sage, quite provocatively if I do say so myself. Laughing, in between the two of them and Imogen and Sawyer, I throw my arms around Ridoc’s neck, pulling him close.

“Don’t try anything.” I lean down to whisper in his ear warningly and he only grins, alcohol fuelling us into a rhythm. He’s respectful enough, his hands don’t roam anywhere they’re not supposed to be and I press close, laughing as he turns me. I actually begin to relax and have fun, forgetting all my worries as we drink and dance, and after about an hour, I think to myself, this is how it’s supposed to be. This is how normal twenty year olds spend their time off.

A short time later, we’re all stumbling down to the waters edge, slightly more intoxicated. We interrupt Liam and Vi’s chaste (in my opinion) kissing, falling into a heap beside them. She looks the six of us over, a laugh escaping her as she takes in the mess we must present.

“Hey, you know what we should do?” Ridoc asks and Rhiannon groans, tossing her head back. I agree with her, this is sure to be amusing. “We should go for a swim.” Everyone turns to look at him like he’s insane. The water isn’t iced over but it is filled with icebergs and there’s snow on the ground. Without the bonfires dotting the shore and hillside, it would be freezing down here, even with our cloaks on.

“No one’s getting in that!” Rhiannon huffs, shaking her head. “Go on your own if you want pneumonia.”

Ridoc frowns, halfway through shrugging off his cloak. He stumbles to his feet, uncoordinated. “Remi will.” He says pulling at his shirt and I blink, startled at being singled out.

“No she won’t.” Violet laughs, shaking her head, knowing how much I hate the cold. “She can’t thermoregulate.” Honestly it’s kind of a miracle I haven’t frozen to death tonight already.

“It will only be for a second.” Ridoc whines and I stifle a laugh, my hand flying up to cover my mouth.

“Go on then.” Imogen grins, nodding her head towards the water. We look at each other for a moment and our chests shake with the force of the laughter we’re holding in.

“You don’t even have anything to swim in.” Violet points out as Ridoc grabs my arm, pulling me to my feet.

“Come on, Remi.” He says seriously, before turning to my sister. “She’s the fun twin. We don’t need clothes.” I can’t stop the laughter from spilling out anymore and I end up stumbling into him, wheezing as I almost cry from mirth. He looks at me expectantly.

I bring my head up, noticing Liam’s worried glance behind us and I follow his gaze directly to the bonfire I’d stood at earlier—Bodhi, Xaden and Garrick still crowded around it, watching us. “You know what?” My lips twitch as I drag my attention back to the man beside me. “You’re on.” I start peeling my cloak off, dropping it on the ground next to my sister.

“Remi!” Violet stares wide eyed as Sage descends into a fit of laughter, leaning on Rhiannon for support. “No!”

“Remi, yes!” I answer, drawing my shirt over my head. It’s fucking cold out and I know this is a terrible idea. I’ll be lucky to warm up at all tonight given that the sparse amenities we’re offered don’t include any form of heating. Maybe I can convince Bodhi to let me stay with him; my own personal furnace.

Perhaps this isn’t the most mature course of action, but I’ve been mature, for a month now and it’s gotten me nowhere. Maybe it’s time to be a little reckless and see what that brings—and with alcohol roaring through my veins, I have little hesitation in doing something reckless.

I undo my laces, prepared to shrug my boots off. Ridoc’s already lost his boots and pants, standing before us in only his underwear. I start pulling at the strings on my corset, tugging them loose. “Remi, you’re drunk.” Violet warns, climbing to her feet as I slip the protective layer of Teine’s scales off, dropping it to the ground.

“It’s nothing half the quadrant hasn’t seen before anyway.” I tell her, left in just my chest bindings, reaching for the button on my leathers. She flinches at the reminder and I feel bad for a fraction of a second, until my attention is drawn away by an insistent tugging on my hands. I look down to see black shadows pulling at me, forcing my hands away from my pants. The same shadows climb over my skin, obscuring my torso from view.

A feeling of victory swells in my chest and I smirk, sending my sister a wink. Her eyes widen in understanding and I quickly school my face before I spin on my heel to face the man striding toward me through the snow. “Put your clothes back on, now.” His expression is furious and I desperately want to laugh, even as the usual pang of arousal hits me at the command in his voice.

I try and maintain an innocent expression, raising my eyebrows. “I was just going for a swim.”

“No you weren’t.” He glares.

I hum, biting my lip. “Yes I was.”

He steps right into my space, raking his hand into my hair as he tilts my head back, lowering his mouth to my ear. “You think I don’t know what you’re doing?” He says darkly. I’d be kind of disappointed in him if he didn’t, to be honest.

“Tell me what it is that I’m doing to you, wingleader?” I raise an eyebrow, leaning in as his other hand comes up to press at the base of my throat, over my clavicle. His shadows are at my back, holding me against him and I turn my head to the side so my lips skate over his jaw. I drop my hands away from my leathers, pressing them into his hips, pulling him closer.

He sucks in a sharp breath and when he pulls his head back, the entire force of that furious stare is levelled on me again. “Clothes, now. Do not make me tell you again.” I hold his gaze, expressionless and unmoving aside from my thumbs that I let stroke over his hipbones.

“I might need a little help with that. I remember you being very good at getting them off.” A shadow passes him my corset and his hands aren’t gentle as he knocks mine away, tugging me into him so he can lace it expertly behind my back.

“Stop fucking pushing.” He says, his voice low and I wince as he pulls the corset a little too tight. “You’re behaving like a child.” Hurt flares to life in my chest and I push it down, reaching for the furious calm I’ve almost perfected as a coping mechanism.

“Because the silent treatment isn’t childish at all.” I observe as he finishes fixing the protective armour in place. “Pro tip for you—when you have the most mind-blowing sex of your life, you don’t leave the girl without a word the next morning.”

“Oh, angel.” His lips tick up in a vicious smirk. “I’ve had better.”

A few months ago that might have hurt me, but I know now what his face looks like when he’s telling the truth and when he’s just trying to be hurtful. “Lie to yourself all you want,” I say quietly. "But you sure as hell can’t lie to me.”

“Stop. Pushing.” He repeats. “I don’t want to hear about it again. I’m allowed to have boundaries and this is one of them.” Boundaries? He wants to talk to me about boundaries when he stormed over here to stop me from taking my clothes off like he had any right to after ignoring me for weeks?

He says it like I’ve been harassing him. I’ve never pushed him any more than he’s pushed me. Hell, I haven’t even spoken to him in over a month until tonight, I’ve allowed him that distance and everything I’ve done here, would only bother him if he did want me—like wearing my hair down or stripping off to go swimming.

“I can’t tell you what lines you’re allowed to draw,” I agree. “But if they’re not there for your needs you should reconsider them. You don’t need to worry about me—about my safety or my reaction to whatever secrets you’re hiding.” I tell him softly.

By the way his expression darkens further, I know Lía was spot on and I almost feel bad. Not enough to apologise, but I do hope he assumes I was just fumbling in the dark and not that Sgaeyl has betrayed his trust.

“It was a mistake.” He insists through grit teeth. "Your sister and I are going to be stationed together for the rest of our lives, never able to escape the other. I’m not going to do anything to jeopardise that relationship.”

My chest tightens and I swallow harshly, shaking my head. He’s an asshole. I don’t believe a word. He just brought her up to hit me where it hurts—to get me to back off—because he knows how much I’ve struggled with being second best, with being less important than her.

“Liar.” I say with surety.

“I’ve never lied to you.”

“Not outright, of course.” I laugh. “But you’re still lying.” He doesn’t want to jeopardise whatever working relationship he’s building with my sister, but that’s not why he’s kept his distance. My expression softens. “You’re scared.” I step closer, meeting his eyes. "When you’re ready to admit you care as much about me, as I do about you, you know where to find me.”

His eyes bore into mine for a second, something indiscernible in his gaze before he dismisses me, turning to walk back up the hill.

“And Xaden?” My voice is gentle and he freezes in place, only a foot away. He turns his head, barely glancing over his shoulder. I let my hand shoot forward, pressing the dagger I’ve palmed from my corset against his spine. “You don’t ever speak to, or handle me, so disrespectfully ever again.” I tell him warningly, holding his gaze. “There are so many things I could do to you that would still leave Sgaeyl intact.”

With a final, lingering look, I turn on my heel, reaching down for my cloak and shirt, slinging them over my shoulder so I can tie my laces again. Gods, I hope I’m right about him and I haven’t just made an even bigger fool of myself.

Awkwardly, half of Vi’s squad are still here, pretending they’ve suddenly gone deaf and blind, all except for my sister and Sage who look like they might try to have a second wingleader executed this year. I smile down at them, tossing my shirt on and then my cloak. “Well I think that went well. Who’s walking me back to my room?” They look at me like I’ve lost my mind.

“We will.” Liam climbs to his feet, swinging his arm around Violet’s shoulders. I’m not entirely convinced it isn’t to hold her back from strangling his brother.

“Thanks.”

I pat Ridoc—who’s now fully clothed—on the shoulder gently. “Next time, buddy.” My lips twitch as he shakes his head, looking suitably put off.

“No, no I think Rhi was right. Swimming was a bad idea.” I snort, a grin stretching across my face. Everyone on this squad is terrified of Xaden. It never fails to make me laugh.

Chapter Text

💫      🐉      ⚔️      🔥      🖤

December becomes January and I count down the days until Winter will be officially over. Three weeks in and it’s still not getting warmer at night. There’s only so many blankets I can pile on top of myself before they get too heavy. I’d almost caved a few times and gone to see if I could stay with Bodhi, but somehow I knew if I did, it would be the nail in the coffin of whatever chance with Xaden I had left. Slim as that chance may seem right now.

The first three weeks of the year brought a return to challenges on the mat, much to my dismay, and I currently have a record of 2-1. My first bout back had been a loss, annoyingly enough. The woman I’d fought was from Second Wing and she had at least a foot on me. She was fast too, which is how she ended up breaking my arm—after which I’d dislocated my knee.

Thankfully, she wasn’t the type to kill needlessly and she’d offered me the opportunity to tap out. I’d caught her in the leg with a dagger, so in the real world she’d be dead too, but not fast enough to save me. She’d taken one of my daggers—the largest of them thankfully—and I’d been kind enough to advise her to clean the blade before she let it anywhere near her. Oh, and to join me on a walk to the infirmary. No sense wasting an antidote on someone who could spend the night with Winifred—I’m not a saint, she did break my arm, after all.

My second challenge I was more focused, more motivated and more well-rested. While my scaled up training has paid dividends in some ways, I’ve realised that those who push me (read: everyone) do it because they’re worried, not because they know what I can handle. The day before my second challenge, I refused to train at all, not wanting to be bogged down with worsened fatigue.

It paid off and when I fought a male from Third Wing, I’d been quick enough to dodge all of his attacks, waiting until I could nail the handle of one of my daggers into a pressure point at the back of his neck. He’d crumpled to the ground and I’d slipped one of his knives free, grinning to myself as I realised I’d beaten him without the use of any poisons or toxins—it was just me, on my own. I won.

We’d celebrated that night—Violet, Sage, Rhiannon and I—having a get together up in my room. They’d all won each of their challenges so far too, that week being Violet’s first without weakening her opponent either and I couldn’t be more proud of her.

The third week I win again, temporarily paralysing a woman from First Wing, but not before she manages to slice my arm open from wrist to elbow. Sage’s eyes widen in alarm and she wraps her cloak around the wound tightly to try and stem the blood flow. I force myself to walk to the infirmary, rather than run as she asks me to, knowing I don’t want my heart pumping any faster than it already is.

“Another challenge?” Winifred sighs as we enter, shaking her head.

“Just a flesh wound.” I promise, wincing as she pulls Sage’s cloak away. That might not be salvageable, with the amount of blood on it.

“I may as well get Nolon.” She huffs, pushing the cloak back over the wound as she wanders away to find the man. I appreciate the thought. It’s probably going to be easier on me for Nolon to mend it than for me to deal with stitches for weeks on end, even if the mending isn’t entirely necessary. For any other cadet, I know they wouldn’t bother, it’s just me who gets special treatment.

I sigh, flopping back on the bed, waving Sage away. “I’m good.” I tell her, “I know you haven’t fought yet.” She offers me a grin, patting me on the leg before turning on her heel, heading back toward the tunnel.

Being here now reminds me annoyingly of Xaden—of that day when he’d carried me down here after another cadet tried to kill me. Everything reminds me annoyingly of him though, especially the last few weeks. He still hasn’t so much as glanced in my direction, having returned to avoiding me the like the plague the day after the solstice party.

If I didn’t know from Sgaeyl how he felt about the night we spent together, I absolutely would have believed him when he told me it was a mistake—that he’d had better—and it would have devastated me. As it is, I do know and it’s that knowledge that has kept me from spiralling after the harsh words he’d thrown at me.

Still, that doesn’t mean he’s ever going to speak to me again, let alone want more. Surprisingly, I’m ok with that. Either he’ll come back or he won’t and if he doesn’t, it’s not because of me as a person. I have sympathy for him—for how hard it must be to open yourself up to another after everything he’s been through, especially a Sorrengail—so I’m trying to utilise every ounce of empathy and patience I possess and wait.

Nolon strides into the bay, looking at me unimpressed, and I sigh, pulling the cloak away from the wound. “Just another Wednesday.” I smile cheekily, turning my gaze from the gruesome gash. He moves his hands toward me, a familiar piece of leather outstretched—“Wait.”—I shoot up, holding a hand in front of me.

Lía had interjected and I’d moved on instinct. “Since you’re going to be in pain anyway…” She trails off, pausing for a moment. “I’m really proud of you, little one. You’ve been doing so well.” I frown in confusion. “I think it’s time.”

“What is it?” Nolon asks and I shake my head, reaching my mind out toward Lía.

“Time for what?”

“For you to channel.” She answers and a grin lights up my face.

“Really?!” I exclaim, excitement and relief sweeping over me all at once.

“Really.” She says affectionately and I almost can’t put a name to the feeling she sends my way. Love. That’s what it is. It’s love.

“Thank you.” I whisper, bringing my eyes back to meet Nolon’s. “She said I’m finally ready to channel.”

He smiles softly. “Congratulations.” He tells me, handing me the strip of leather.

“I’m sorry little one, but it’s going to hurt.” Lía tells me and I snort, flopping back on the pillows, settling the leather between my teeth.

“What doesn’t?” It makes sense that it would, given that you’re opening a doorway and allowing your body to be flooded with all that power for the first time.

“Ready?” Nolon asks and I wait for Lía to tell me it’s ok before I nod. The burning pain in my arm is manageable as Nolon rejoins my skin together, but then a wave of energy ripples through me, cascading over my body until it’s overwhelming every sense. This isn’t so bad, I think to myself. I should have known that wasn’t what she was talking about.

It feels like something inside of me expands, too vast to be contained, and then it begins to burn, pain searing every nerve in my body. I can’t concentrate, can’t think enough to ground in my mindspace or work on disassociating, all I can do is bear it as it reverberates through me, splitting me open at the seams. Energy floods my body, raw power filling every cell like it’s rewriting my DNA strand by strand. My head pounds and it’s all I can do to get oxygen in and out of my lungs.

I pray to Zihnal, I plead with Amari, and finally, finally, it begins to ebb away. Violet had once described the power Tairn had gifted her as feeling like everything she was and everything she could be all at once, and now I understand what she meant. I feel…infinite. I spit the piece of leather out from between my teeth, panting harshly.

“Lía’s a powerful dragon.” Nolon comments, almost offhandedly and I blink, looking up at him, still dazed. “It’s not that much for everyone.” If that’s the case—if that experience is based off of how strong your dragon is, then Vi—Vi must have been in agony. I can’t imagine it being worse.

I close my eyes, trying to ascertain whether my cube—my mindspace—remains the same. It does. I sigh in relief at that, sinking my feet into the plush floor as I reach out toward the window. “Lía, this is…” A flicker of amusement reaches me and I find myself marvelling at how powerful dragons really are. It’s insane that they need us for anything.

“Do you need to stay a while?” Nolon asks gently and I shake my head.

“I’m ok.” I tell him, stretching my arms out. “I feel…strange. But fine.” I shake my head in wonder. “Does it always course through you like this?”

He cracks a grin. “You get used to it.” He turns toward the curtain, sticking one hand out and a few seconds later, Winifred is bustling in. “I thought you’d want to be here for this.” He tells her, placing his pen down on the bed by my legs.

“For what?” Winifred asks, brows furrowed as she looks between us.

“Remi,” Nolon says, “keep one foot grounded and envision your power like a hand, gripping that pen and bringing it towards you.”

Winifred gasps. “You’re channeling?!” Her eyes light up.

“Just now.” I shake my head, looking between them. “I don’t know if—”

“Your grasp of the mindspace and grounding is exceptional.” Nolon interrupts, shaking his head. “Trust me, you can do this.”

I bite my lip, looking at him carefully, studying him to see if he’s lying to make me feel better. He’s not. “Ok.” I whisper, closing my eyes for a minute. I imagine both feet sinking into the floor inside my cube, steadying my breath as I focus on a feeling of calm, regulating my emotions.

When I open my eyes, I hesitantly lift one foot away, visualising the power running through me. I feel it racing through my veins, around my body and carefully, I tug at it, imagining it extending out like a snake, gliding along the bed towards the pen. I picture a hand like Nolon said, grasping the pen and bringing it towards me. My control wavers and the pen shakes, rolling a little but doesn’t lift and soar towards me as I’ve seen others do. I frown, tilting my head.

“Where did you go wrong?” Nolon says knowingly. He understands how my mind works—knows I’ve dissected the attempt in real time as it happened. “I changed what I was visualising mid-reach.” I shake my head. I’d pictured a snake at first, rather than an arm. Snakes don’t have hands.

I focus on grounding once more and then slowly reach within me for the power that’s swirling throughout my body. This time I notice a deeper well of it below my sternum, refilling the smaller amount that’s circling through my veins. “Is the magic in my veins for this kind of channelling and the deeper well for a signet power?” I ask, turning to them curiously.

“Very good.” Nolon praises and I smile looking down at my legs. It’s only logical. I focus on the power swimming in my veins once more and slowly coax it out, forming another snake that slides toward the pen. This time I visualise the snake grasping the pen in its mouth, carrying it back up to me and I watch, focus wavering in my excitement as the pen rises into the air, moving towards my outstretched hand. It shakes the whole way there, but makes it nonetheless and when it’s in my grip I feel like I could cry.

“Good job, Remi.” Winifred smiles, circling the bed to hug me, and I burst into tears.

“I’m sorry.” I sniffle, shaking a little. “I was just—I was so worried I was going to be so far behind.” I swallow. “That everyone would be able to use magic except me.”

She squeezes me tight. “This time it was everyone else who needed a head start.” She says sardonically and I laugh, wiping my eyes.

“I can’t believe I’m finally fucking good at something.” I’d known I was good at grounding of course, I just didn’t believe that would extend to channelling—it didn’t seem like it had for Violet. I know she’s been struggling a lot with these simple tasks. She can do them now, but learning has exhausted her. Then again, that could be due to the fact she has two dragons—she needs to seperate whichever ones power she’s going to channel first and then Tairn—Tairn undoubtedly has more power than Lía—it might be so much that it’s hard to control.

“You’re good at a lot of things, Remi.” Nolon chastises me. “They’re just things better suited to other quadrants.” I laugh a little. That’s certainly true enough. I take a deep breath, concentrating, and bend the magic to my will again, directing it to bring Nolon’s pen back to his hand.

“Thanks.” I tell him, feeling grateful.

“It’s nothing.” He smiles. “Now you’d better get going before you miss dinner.” I hadn’t realised I’d been down here so long, but I guess that first rush of power might have taken longer than it seemed to settle into my bones. I hadn’t exactly been aware the whole time—not really.

I pull myself up and grab my rucksack, pulling my flight jacket from it to shrug over my top. “I’ll come and see you soon,” I promise. “Hopefully not with an injury.” Winifred shakes her head like she doesn’t quite believe it, but doesn’t comment any further.

I stride up the tunnel, a little exhausted, but grinning all the same, so happy to finally not be the one rider left behind. I climb the staircase, ducking out into the rotunda and as I’m crossing toward the gathering hall, I see Bodhi coming from the courtyard, Xaden in step with him. In my excitement I don’t think twice about it, I just sprint toward them, barreling into Bodhi with force.

“Bodhi! Bodhi!” I grin, shaking his shoulders. “Guess what!”

“What?” He looks mildly stunned, blinking a little as he steadies himself on his feet.

“I’m channeling!” I grin excitedly, waiting for the words to sink in.

I see the exact moment they register. “What? When?” He grins back, gripping my elbows.

“Half an hour ago.” I tell him. “Nolon had to mend my arm so Lía said she may as well do it then, since that was going to hurt anyway.” I say, all but bouncing on my feet.

“Are you ok?” His brow furrows in concern and I wave him off, drawing a dagger from my corset. I slap it into his hand, stepping back with a grin. “Hold that.” He watches with bemusement as I take a few more steps, narrowing my eyes in concentration. I imagine the snake extending out, taking the dagger from his hand and returning it to mine.

He gapes, staring as the blade lifts through the air, vibrating a little in the middle before it drops into my palm. “Half an hour?!” He sounds outraged. “That’s—”

“Astonishing.” Xaden whispers and I jerk my head toward him, not having realised he was still there.

“Thanks.” I whisper back, meeting his eyes. We look at each other for a moment before he breaks eye contact, turning his head to the side, looking away.

I draw in a deep breath, looking back at Bodhi. “Anyway, I just wanted to show you what Nolon taught me.”

“It’s amazing, Rem.” He says, crossing the few feet between us to pull me into a hug. “I’m really proud of you.” My throat tightens and I hug him back, savouring the moment.

“Alright, don’t make me cry again.” I nudge him away with my hip, laughing a little. “Are you coming to dinner?” I ask, glancing toward the gathering hall and he shakes his head, looking over at his cousin.

“You go ahead.” He smiles. “I’ll see you later.” I give him one last grin before I turn on my heel, heading up to grab some food. When I’m finally seated at our table, half my squad, half Violet’s, I wait for the perfect opportunity to bring it up.

My sister’s sitting at the opposite end of the table with Liam and I call out to her, leaning around Sage. “Hey Vi,” I ask, “can I have your dessert?” Dessert is not the word I’d use for a cup of fruit, but it’s what Basgiath considers dessert in any case.

“Sure.” She goes to pass it to me and I shake my head, a tiny smirk on my face. I reach out, snatching it from her grip with my power, dragging it back toward me. Her jaw drops and as the cup is deposited in my hand, I eat a grape nonchalantly.

“Did you just channel?” She exclaims and the table goes silent. “Did anyone else see that?” I laugh a little, popping a strawberry in my mouth. “Remi!” She gapes. “Since when?”

“Like…forty five minutes ago.” I tell her, chewing on a piece of apple.

“What the fuck?” I can’t help but laugh at the way my sister’s outraged tone mirrors Bodhi’s. “You’re kidding.” She stares in disbelief. “Have you been channeling this whole time and practicing in secret?” She can’t seem to wrap her head around it and it only makes me laugh harder.

“I’m sorry, Vi.” I choke out. “I’m being honest, I swear.”

“That’s…wildly unfair.” Sage mutters and I wrap my arm around her.

“Think of it this way, it just levels the playing field. You guys have months of practice on me.” I also feel rather fatigued but that could be from the challenge today, rather than channeling, who knows.

“Oh well, now you can finally come to the creepy professor’s class.” Sage says, a grin on her face and I groan. As much as I haven’t wanted to be left out, I’ve also been dreading the moment I have to speak to the weird white-haired professor myself. The way he looked at me after I killed Jeremiah in the courtyard was…unsettling.

“Great.” I mutter, eating the rest of Violet’s fruit.

💫      🐉      ⚔️      🔥      🖤

When they drag me into his classroom two days later, I find that the space is just as creepy as he is. It’s a long chamber with all padded walls and no windows, and just being in there makes my skin crawl. “You’ll be fine, little one. Settle.” Lía sends a calming feeling down the bond and I take a deep breath, trying to loosen my shoulders where they’ve stiffened up.

Violet’s dragging me over to sit with her and I stiffen, tugging her back until we’re in the space closest to the door. I want to be right near the exit, given that there’s only one. At least the place is lit up as bright as the day outside—if the mage lights were any dimmer, it would resemble a torture chamber. Even sitting on the floor makes me uncomfortable here for some reason.

The entirety of Third and Fourth Wings’ remaining first-year cohort is here, sitting in straight lines on the floor and when the white-haired professor finally walks in, he stops, looking at me with intrigue. “Ah, the other Sorrengail,” He says. "Finally joining us?” His eyes run over me like I’m something to be picked apart and studied. “We were beginning to wonder what was wrong.”

I have to assume by ‘we’ he means the other professors, or even those in charge—like my mother. No doubt she’d have been thrilled by one of her daughters lagging behind. I leave my arms loose at my sides, one hanging over my thigh sheath. “I run on my own schedule.” I raise an eyebrow, repeating my words from Threshing.

“Well,” his eyes glitter. “I don’t suppose you could put manifesting your signet power on the docket?”

My smile has a sharp edge to it. “I’ll see what I can do.” Violet’s arm brushes against mine beside me and I lean into her, trying to calm my anxiety.

“Curious.” He’s still looking at me and I begin to feel uncomfortable. The rest of the riders present are all watching too, waiting to find out what has the crazy professor so interested. I merely stare back at him, waiting for him to either continue, or not. I’m not going to ask him what he’s carrying on about.

“As I said to your sister, both your siblings were gifted with extraordinary signet powers.” I attempt to keep my face blank, even as my heart clenches at the mention of Brennan. “We are expecting great things from both of you, even as…delicate as you are. Given that, it seems curious that you’re the last to channel.”

I grit my teeth, tilting my chin up challengingly. “I’m not sure why you think it matters.” I hold his gaze. “I don’t need to be the first to try something to be good at it.” I hold my hand up and flick my fingers back, slamming the classroom door behind him.

His lips quirk up. “Let’s get to work then.”

When he turns his attention on the class as a whole and away from me, I finally exhale, sagging a little in my spot.

“Just so you know, challenging the crazy professor—probably not smart.” Sage whispers into my ear from the row behind and I shake my head. She’s absolutely right.

That class session I manage to fuel a pen with magic, though not consistently enough to actually write anything. I think Violet is secretly happy about that, judging by the little smirk on her lips.

💫      🐉      ⚔️      🔥      🖤

I spend most of the next week exhausting myself practicing, trying to catch up to everyone else. Luckily for me, I’ve been working at keeping one foot grounded in my mental box for longer than anyone else has been channelling at all. It was often the only thing keeping me focused—keeping me from breaking down—and that proficiency bleeds into every other task requiring the use of magic.

I learn it’s a balancing act—the one foot thing. For most people it’s about controlling their power, rather than their mental state. With one foot grounded you remain connected to your power and simultaneously are able to contain it. The power—that comes easy to me. I’m so sensitive to everything my body is feeling that I can easily locate it and coax it out—it’s only controlling it consistently after that, that I need to work on.

Locking and unlocking doors I accomplish in that week—it’s easy, visualising the knot of power winding and unwinding. I also reach out to the ward Xaden has laid on my door, poking and prodding at it. I’d love to see if I can unravel it the way Sage had done to the one on Markham’s office, but I don’t dare try. I’m not sure he’d come and replace it if I were successful and I’m too scared to find out.

I still can’t use a pen.

The weather has turned frigid and Violet and I both complain—loudly—that it’s never been this cold at Basgiath before, not in all the years we’ve lived here. The dragons unanimously decide it’s too cold for flying and I don’t blame them, but it means I don’t see Lía as much as I’d like.

Wednesday dawns bright and early and I wake with a feeling of dread curdling in my gut. Today is going to hurt. Violet knocks on my door just after the sun rises and when I let her in, she’s subdued too.

“What are you thinking?” She asks, her eyes roving over the various weapons and toxins spread out over the top of my armoire.

I swallow. “I’m thinking I’m grateful it’s a challenge. He can try and kill me, but he can’t try and rape me in front of everyone.”

Violet stiffens, closing her eyes. “You can beat him.” She says quietly. “I know you can.”

We’d snuck out together the night before, finding our names posted on the challenge board next to two men from First Wing. One of them was Vaughan. Three guesses who he had requested to challenge. The other, Sage had informed us after learning his name, was the smaller one who’d approached us in the gym that day. Both of them have continued to taunt and harass us, along with other men from their wing, ever since.

I turn and pull my sister into a hug, holding her tight. “You too.” I murmur, tapping her forehead with my fingertip. “This is what puts us a cut above them. What makes us better, despite our bodies.” I lean back to look at her seriously. “We’re smarter than them.”

I leave her arm wrapped around my waist, turning back to face the armoire. “I think something more immediate is your best bet.” I tell her.

“I don’t want to kill anyone.” She whispers.

“I know.” I say softly. “But Violet…” I sigh, shaking my head. “They won’t hesitate to kill us.”

“Please, Rem.” She says quietly. “I’m fast—I can hang back and wait for it to wear him down, to knock him out, something.”

I close my eyes, thinking through each possibility, dissecting what I’ve seen of her opponent from every angle. She waits, gripping me tight. “Ok.” I sigh in defeat. “Take this.” I pass her off my gloves and a fine needle.

“Don’t you need those?”

I shake my head, smiling softly. “I’m going with blades today, baby sis. And I’ve already made sure I’m immune to what I’m using.”

“It was two minutes,” she mutters mutinously as I reach for two vials, my lips quirking up.

“Drink this one after you eat breakfast.” I tell her, holding up the clear one. “Before we fight, you’re going to dip the needle in this, then slip it between your fingers.” I gently close her fist to show her where. She’s never done it before, but neither had I the first time—it should be easy.

“It should knock him out but it might take a while, like possibly five minutes to take effect.” I tell her seriously. “So you need to get a hit in and hold him off after. Can you do that? Otherwise we’ll go for something else.” Something more deadly.

“No, I can do it.” She nods, determined.

“Great.” I reach into the top drawer and pull out a familiar book. “But I also want you to read this.” I flick through our older brother’s journal, finding the right page so I can push it toward her.

I know you don’t want to hear this, but sometimes you have to know when to take the death blow, Mira. It’s why you have to be sure that Violet enters the Scribe Quadrant. She’ll never be able to take a life. Remi, well…she’d be fine, but she’s better off elsewhere anyway—you should try and convince her to join the scribes too.

Violet’s breath whooshes out of her. “I thought it might help. Hearing it from him, too. And Mira.” I kiss her temple. “I’m not pushing you. I just want you to know that if it happens, it’s ok.”

“This won’t—”

“No.” I shake my head sharply. “I would never trick you into that, Vi. I promise.” I might think she needs to face the inevitable, but I would never deceive her into killing someone. Thankfully, Brennan was right—I don’t have any of her hesitancy, I lost that a long time ago, out of necessity.

We head to the bathing chambers together and when we get back, I help her braid her hair, weaving two poison barbs into the crown in case he grabs her head. “Be careful taking those out.” I tell her, passing her a vial of antidote. “This is in case you forget and lay down with them in there.” No awards for guessing how I learnt that lesson.

I strap as many weapons to my body as possible, arming myself to the teeth with blades meticulously coated in poisons and neurotoxins at lethal potencies. My hanging braid has more poison in it and as I lace my boots, I think blithely that I’m possibly the most dangerous thing walking the halls right now—just the way I like it.

“Do you think I should tell Liam?” Violet shifts her weight on her feet, uncertain.

“Do you think he’ll tell Xaden?” I ask mildly, slipping on my fur lined cloak as we head for the door.

“I’d like to hope not.” She says.

We’d discussed whether or not we should tell anyone ahead of time last night—aside from Sage and Rhiannon, who’d been waiting in my room. In the end, I’d vetoed it, because there was nothing anyone could do, even our wingleader.

If he knew the guys who’d been harassing us for months had been allowed to challenge us, would he turn up and try to stop it? Come up with some excuse to get us out of challenges for the day? Maybe. Violet’s life was essentially linked to his, after all. But was there any way he could do that without making her look weak? Without making an even bigger target out of her? No.

So the two of us have just decided to trust in our own abilities. We can do this…right?

Liam is waiting when we emerge from my room, ready to head to the archives for his and Vi’s duty assignment. When we hit the rotunda, I peel off from them, heading up toward the flight field to see Lía before the day really begins.

It’s all too brief of a visit. She’s quiet, no doubt sensing the lingering anxiety thrumming beneath my skin, even now that I’m armoured and have decided on a course of action. I hold her close, breathing softly as I press my head against her maw. When I leave, she offers only a quiet, “be careful, little one,” and a sense of foreboding creeps into my veins.

The gathering hall is fairly busy by the time I make it back, sliding into my usual seat next to Bodhi, eating only the lightest of meals. When my sister slides into the seat across from me, she doesn’t eat at all. “You ok?” He asks me carefully, watching my face for any tells.

“I’m fine.” I answer. “Just nervous. Challenge day.”

Liam tenses in the seat across from Bodhi and I know Violet must have caved. Bodhi’s sharp eyes flicker the blond’s way for a moment and then back to me. “Did you challenge someone?” He asks and I shake my head, trying to centre myself.

“Remi.” He says, more sharply this time.

“Bodhi.” I give him an even stare. “I’m fine. I’ll see you at lunch.” He looks entirely unconvinced, but relents and when it’s time, he watches us go, brow furrowed.

“I don’t think this is a good idea, Rem.” Liam tells me as we leave formation and I simply shrug, taking my sister’s other hand, swinging it between us. It’s only half because I need the physical contact.

“It’s how things work around here, Liam.” I say tightly, heading into the gym. “We’ll be fine.” There’s so few of us left now that we’re not separating into our usual groups—we’re all going to be fighting at once and I wait, focusing on my breathing as Emetterio begins assigning mats. I can see Vaughan already, his eyes drilling into the side of my head and I let my eyes skate over him and his squad as I scan the gym, not wanting to let on that I feel his eyes on me.

My name is called alongside his and he grins wolfishly in the corner of my eye. Violet’s name is called soon after. We’re two mats apart and I have to remind myself that I can’t watch her, not even a glance. The last thing I need is to get distracted—if I do, I’m dead. I squeeze her hand. “You’ve got this.” I whisper quietly.

“Tell me I can break the promise.” Liam says as we begin heading toward our mats. He and Ridoc don’t have a challenge and they’re both keeping pace with us. Liam looks between Vi and I, a tortured expression on his face.

My sister looks to me and I nod, giving her the ok. “The third-years are off doing third-year things,” she says when she turns back to her boyfriend. “You can’t get him here in time, but I know what it means to you to keep your word. Especially with him. Go ahead.” I know without asking, that they’re talking about Xaden.

He nods, reaching out once to cup her face and I can’t hear what he says when he lowers his mouth to her ear. When he finally turns to me, it’s with a steely expression. “Don’t die.”

I offer him a grin and a tiny salute. “I’ll do my best.”

He looks from me to Ridoc. “Guard them like you’re me.”

“You mean like I’m six inches taller and built like a bull?” Ridoc gives him a thumbs-up. “Sure. I’ll do my best. In the meantime, you’d better run.”

I laugh, shaking my head at them and as Liam turns to sprint from the gym, I clap Ridoc on the shoulder. “Go with Vi, I’m good.” My sister goes to protest and I shake my head sharply, giving Ridoc a steely glare. “Do as I say.”

He gulps. “Yes ma’am.”

When I shrug off my winter cloak and step onto the mat, Vaughan is waiting, his eyes glinting with malice. “Hello, angel.” It makes my skin crawl, the sound of that nickname on his lips and if I weren’t intending to take him out already, I would just for that. I don’t deign him with a response, simply turning to Professor Augustus who waits on the opposite side of the mat.

“Vaughan and Sorrengail…weapons?” He asks and I nod, unsheathing two of my daggers.

“Of course.” The man across from me replies, though he doesn’t move to draw any of his own. He’s got a dagger strapped to his thigh and I clock a sword strapped to his back, but apart from that, I can’t see any more. He probably doesn’t think he needs them. His mistake.

“No wielding.” Augustus says, like he’s rattling off a list he’s had to read from a hundred times. “Tap out or knock out earns you a victory.” A crowd of people have already started to gather around our mat, none of them my friends, and I think all of them know there won’t be any tapping out here today. They all expect him to kill me. I’m going to make sure I kill him first.

“Keep it clean.” Augustus sounds bored, like he doesn’t care if I live or die and while it doesn’t surprise me, it does make me angry. “Go.”

I launch forward, not giving Vaughan a moment to settle into a stance and as he steps toward me, arms raising as his hands curl into fists, I spin, rotating around the side of him as I slice his hand open with one of my blades from pinky to pointer finger. Before he has a chance to turn, I’m jabbing him in the kidney with an elbow, slicing his side open with the other, grinning in satisfaction.

I fall back as he turns, murderous rage in his eyes. “That burns.” It should—that venom’s going to eat away at his nerves, his flesh, until that hand becomes unusable.

I laugh, grinning like a shark. “You’re going to regret threatening me.”

“I really don’t think I will.” He’s fast. Faster than I anticipated and I fall into a rhythm of ducking and weaving, a mental clock in my head ticking, counting down the minutes until he won’t be able to fight anymore. He lands a strike to my side and I crumple in agony, rolling onto the floor in an effort to keep moving. I can’t remain still, even for a moment.

When I jump to my feet I can’t see for a few seconds and it proves to be costly. His hand slams into my chest and I’m sent flying backward, almost off the mat and before I can launch upward, he steps on my arm, halfway between my shoulder and elbow, audibly snapping my humerus.

I groan in pain, slashing out at his ankle with the blade I have left, the other having dropped out of my grip as my arm broke. I aim to incapacitate him, to slice at his achilles, but he moves out of range. My stomach lurches as I roll to my feet, barely having the time to put my dagger up in front of me as he slashes forward with his own. I throw myself beneath his guard, slamming mine into his gut and leaving it there as I pivot out of his range. I have more.

I watch him warily, drawing another free as he begins to circle me. “It’s a shame it had to be this way.” He says as he pulls the blade out, dropping it to the floor with a wince. It’s unfortunate I couldn’t hit anything vital from that angle. “But this mat was the only place I could catch you without your little protection squad.”

I let a sneer grace my lips, bringing my dagger up as he darts toward me, catching me off guard with a sweeping kick, his knife embedding itself in my wrist. I let out a startled cough, stumbling back wide eyed as he reaches out, slamming his massive hand into my throat. Panic blares through me and I lash out, swiping at him wildly. He takes that wrist in his free hand and squeezes until it breaks too and I let out choked gasp, agony roaring through me.

“Keep fighting!” Lía’s voice roars in my ears and I wonder how long it’s been. Why isn’t he weakening already? His hands wrap around my throat, squeezing tight.

“Does this feel familiar?” His voice is low, low enough I know those around us can’t hear him. “Your wingleader can’t save you this time.”

I choke trying to get air into my lungs. For a minute, I think he’s right, that he will manage to kill me, but then I realise this isn’t like last time at all—last time they’d disarmed me first. I reach down to my thigh sheath and pull, levering a blade up until it’s buried in his pelvis. He screams, his hands dropping away as he stumbles backward, hands pressing around the dagger buried in his v-line.

“Bitch.” He spits, digging it out and tossing it down. I hope I’ve done some damage. It’s a shame I couldn’t get him in the balls—no one needs this guy procreating.

“I don’t need him to save me.” I snarl, raising my chin. “Especially not from someone as pathetic as you.” My upper body is throbbing in agony—one wrist broken, along with the humerus of the other arm and a blade buried below that injury, a blade I don’t risk moving, given the amount of blood already gushing around it and onto the floor.

Vaughan goes stone-faced, reaching behind him for his sword and I watch with dread as he brings it in front of him, levelling it towards my chest. My eyes follow him warily, finally, finally seeing his brow furrow and his pupils dilate as my neurotoxin begins taking effect. It won’t be fast enough.

My own vision is beginning to darken at the edges as blood runs from my wrist and I know without a doubt that he’s hit something vital. Only the blade remaining in there—pierced all the way through and out the other side—is stemming the flow enough to have kept me upright so far.

Steeling myself against the pain, I draw another dagger, gripping it tightly as stars bloom in my vision. I’m not dying here—I will not falter. Pain is nothing, it comes as easy as breathing to me, I will simply ignore it. He crosses the mat in two large strides, swinging his sword down towards my neck and I dodge around it, throwing myself backward to avoid his next attempt.

The next time he brings it down, it’s aimed at my chest, coming straight down in a vertical line. I bring both daggers up, forming a guard and meet his swing, the sound of metal against metal ringing in my ears. The force of it, brings me to my knees and I slam into the mat, crying out as the broken bones in my arms contend with the force of a man over twice my size.

He pushes down and as I look up at him, past the blade I’m keeping aloft above my head, he smirks, glancing to the side. “How cute, your sister’s here to watch.” I don’t dare look away, not even for a second, but if Violet’s here that means she won and she’s fine.

“What I’m hearing is my sister kicked your friend’s ass.” My vision is darkening rapidly and I note the minute shaking of his hands, the neurotoxin kicking in too little, too late. He opens his mouth, no doubt to say something derogatory, and I tip myself forward, letting Teine’s scales take a glancing blow across my back and shoulder as I get one foot underneath me, launching up and driving one of my daggers into his stomach. He yells as I tug with as much strength as I can muster, up and up and up.

“Go fuck yourself.” I hiss, wrenching the blade free, kicking him back with my foot, barely avoiding the sword a third time. When he falls to the ground, I drive my blade into his sword hand, peeling it away from him and tossing it off the mat. I stumble back toward him, intending to bury my blade in his throat, but I don’t make it there.

I hear Violet call my name and realise I’m on my knees again. I think I feel her touch, her panicked presence at my side, but I see nothing—just black as the room disappears and I finally lose my battle to stay conscious.

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When I wake, I’m in the infirmary. I recognise my usual bay the moment I blink my eyes open, blankets pressed up to my shoulders. I can tell by the window that it’s nighttime but I don’t know if I’ve been out for hours or days.

I roll my head to the side, my cheek pressing into the pillow beneath me and my eyes widen as I take in the rumpled form of Xaden Riorson, sprawled in the chair by my bed. His hair is tousled, like he’s been tugging at it and he’s glaring at me like he wouldn’t mind killing me himself.

“Am I dreaming?” I joke, my voice coming out croaky. “I know I didn’t die, because if this was the afterlife, you wouldn’t be glaring at me like that.”

He exhales loudly, crossing his arms with an aggravated expression. “You’ve been awake for thirty seconds, don’t start with me.” I laugh quietly, reaching out to pull the blankets up around my chin.

“How close was it?” I ask quietly, feeling pain zip down my arm.

“Too close.” He leans forward, bracing his elbows on his knees and I resist the urge to reach out to him, seeking comfort. There’s no stitches in my arm; Nolon must have mended it again. It’s still tender and it hurts to move my fingers, so I assume some of the tendons were severed. It takes a while for the residual pain to abate, even after the miracle that is mending.

I lose my fight to remain nonchalant and slide across the bed, shuffling closer to him. I test out each limb slowly, flexing my muscles one by one, checking for any remaining injuries. “He’s more than twice your size. He’s been threatening you for months.” Xaden says angrily, keeping his voice low in the quiet of the infirmary. “You should have told me.”

All the air rushes out of my lungs. “Told you when?” I ask softly. “You haven’t been around for me to tell you anything.” I try to keep my voice even. “I stayed away, like you asked.” He closes his eyes and his brow furrows like he’s fighting something internally. I watch as his fists clench. “You couldn’t have done anything without making us look weak anyway.” I whisper. “Violet and I made a decision together that we could handle it.”

“But you didn’t.” He says and when he opens his eyes there’s anxiety alongside the fury. “Violet handled it. You almost died.” I swallow, looking away. “He nearly brought a sword down on your head.”

My gaze snaps back to him, my mouth falling open a little. “You were there?” He doesn’t answer, merely looks away, flexing his jaw.

“The least you could have done is killed him and saved us all a lot of drama.” He says tersely.

“Wait,” I force myself up into a sitting position, tugging the blankets with me. “He’s still alive?” I ask incredulously. What the fuck? My memory of those last few moments might be a little hazy, but I’m sure I split him open from pelvis to sternum.

“He’s five beds down.” Xaden says dryly. “The man’s a cockroach.” He does not sound impressed.

A startled laugh escapes me. “Unbelievable.” I shake my head. I should have used the dragon-killing mix of toxins Winifred had made for me before Threshing. I hadn’t thought I’d need to. I won’t make that mistake again. “Well…” A slow grin spreads across my face. “At least he’ll be missing a few body parts.”

Xaden raises an eyebrow, looking reluctantly intrigued. He leans back in his seat, crossing his arms over his chest.

“I used a venom and a neurotoxin that are impossible to counteract at once. If they reversed the neurotoxin to save his life, they would’ve had to have left the venom to run its course, eating away at his flesh—for a few hours at least.” He’s definitely lost those fingers. My smile is all teeth.

It’s silent for a moment and the way Xaden looks at me…it sets my skin on fire. There’s hunger in his eyes. “I cannot believe I’m about to reward you for doing something so monumentally reckless.”

Before I can even attempt to ask what he’s talking about, his lips are on mine. I gasp, my hands automatically coming up to grip his shoulders as he cups my face, tilting my head back. His fingers thread through my hair and as his teeth scrape my lower lip, I melt into him, a soft sound escaping my throat.

He’s kissing me. He’s kissing me. Those three words are all that run through my head as I wind my arms around him, pulling him close. Finally. My hands thread into the back of his hair and I grasp the silky strands tight, stroking my tongue along his.

“So fucking clever,” he murmurs, pulling away to kiss his way down my jaw.

I laugh quietly, shaking as he presses a kiss to the space between my ear and my throat. “You just said I was reckless.” I can’t help but point out, my voice a low whisper.

He brings his lips back to mine, just for a second. “Reckless and impulsive.” He kisses me softly. “Foolhardy.” He rests his forehead against mine. “And so fucking impressive.” I melt against him, holding him tight.

Impressive enough for you to stay? I don’t dare ask. I close my eyes for a minute, drinking in the closeness.

“This better not have been a stunt to get my attention.” He murmurs and I snort, shaking slightly under his hands.

“You think way too highly of yourself.” I murmur back. “I just thought I could win.”

“You did, technically.” He leans back, taking his warmth with him. “But given how close it was—for both of you—” I frown worriedly. “I’m taking over.”

“Violet’s match was close?” I ask, concerned. She’d been there, before my match ended, so she’d clearly remained standing after she won. “And taking over what?”

“She has nineteen stitches and a ring of bruises after he got her in a headlock.” Xaden says dryly and I curse my sister and her stubbornness. She should just let Nolon mend her. In my opinion, appearing weak is better than actually being weak, in the event that someone attacks you while you still have nineteen stitches in your arm.

“And taking over everything when it comes to you.” I blink, staring up at him as he stands to his full height.

“Everything?” I ask suggestively and his face falls into a glare.

“If you were anyone else…” He grumbles and warmth fills my chest, despite the ache I feel as I wait for him to leave. “Come on,” he peels my blankets away, wrapping an arm around my back.

“I can just stay here.” I tell him, knowing Winifred won’t be pleased if I’m not here when she arrives in the morning to check on me.

“No.” His tone brokers no argument. “Not with him in here too.” I let him guide me up and when I slip my feet into my boots at the side of the bed, he crouches to tie them for me, just like that night in Violet’s room months ago.

My cloak and my things aren’t here—I assume my sister has them—so I wrap one of the infirmary blankets around my shoulders before we head towards the tunnel. When we pass the bay five down from mine, my eyes flicker to Xaden’s blades for a second and then back up as I try to remember whether executing a cadet in the infirmary is specifically against the codex.

“No. Not here.” He says firmly, squeezing his arm around my shoulders and I let my head drop onto it, eyes half shut. “Murderous little thing,” he mutters. My lips tick upward. I rub at my throat absentmindedly as we climb the stairs to my dormitory. It’s sore where Vaughan managed to hit me, but at least I’m not struggling to breathe like when I’d been strangled.

Upon reaching my room, I pull my hair out of the high bun Winifred no doubt gathered it in, exhaling in relief as it stops pulling on my scalp. I reach back for the laces on my corset and wince at the strain on my arm, the tendons protesting fiercely as I try to get my fingers to cooperate.

“Here.” He murmurs softly and I startle as his hands close over mine, taking over. When I’m freed from the protective armour and I can finally breathe, I turn, reaching for the button on my pants, intending to peel them off.

“It’s ok.” I tell him, trying to smile. “You can go, now.” I sit down on the edge of my bed, untying my boots so I can slip my pants off at the same time. When I’m in only my underwear and chest bindings, I unwind all of the supportive strapping on my knees before collapsing back on the bed, wrapping the hospital blanket around me as I slip under my own covers. I’m always cold here.

I glance back up tiredly. A corner of my brain has been waiting for the sound of the door opening and closing and I’ve heard nothing, so far. My eyes widen as I take in the form of my wingleader, stepping out of his own pants, shrugging his jacket to the floor. I hold my breath as he approaches, sliding under the covers next to me.

I don’t move as he pulls me into his arms, tugging my head until it’s on his shoulder, rather than my pillow. One of his legs is in between mine and I remain silent, not daring to breathe, not daring to say a word in case it changes his mind.

His lips press to my hair and I relax, sinking into his embrace. Something inside me shakes. I missed him.

Chapter Text

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When I wake, the sun is rising through my window and aside from the exhaustion already weighing down my bones, I feel dread. I blink my eyes closed again. I want to turn over, to slip my arms around his waist and pull him in—to wrap myself around him before he can disappear—but that would shatter whatever tentative peace exists in the space between last night and this morning.

I feel the moment he wakes and disappointment washes over me as I try to breathe slowly, pretending I’m still asleep. His arms tighten a moment before they retreat and I let my eyes blink open. “You kissed me last night.” I say softly, accusatory, and he stills. “Have you changed your mind?” I don’t have to elaborate further.

“No.” My heart sinks, anger and grief fighting to surface. “But staying away from you didn’t go so well.”

I roll over, tilting my head up to meet his eyes. “Either you want me or you don’t, Xaden.” My voice doesn’t shake and my stare is unwavering.

“I always fucking want you.” He breathes, frowning like the very admission hurts him. “You walk into a room and I can’t look away. I can barely think when you’re around. Wanting you, isn’t the problem.”

“Then what is?” I say gently. “Talk to me.”

“I’m trying to do the right thing!” He says, exasperated. “There’s—you said you know me,” he repeats my words in a tone that belies his distress at the very idea. “But you don’t know who I am, not really.” He shakes his head and it’s almost self-deprecating. “I’m the worst fucking thing for you.”

“Stop worrying about me!” I cry, tearing myself from the blankets. “If you don’t want to be with me then that’s fine, if you’re not ready, that’s fine!” I stumble back, trying to still the trembling of my jaw. “But you don’t get to sit there and tell me that I can’t want you because I might regret it later. That’s not fair.” I lift my chin, glaring at him furiously. “If it’s a mistake then it’s mine to make.” My voice softens. “It’s way too late to stop me from caring about you.”

For a moment, he looks lost. “We don’t make sense.” He pleads.

“We make perfect sense.” I say sadly and decide to take a chance. Tentatively, I step closer, rounding the bed until I’m in front of him. I reach out to cup his jaw, settling into the space between his knees. “We do.” I whisper, leaning in to kiss him. His hands grasp my hips, fingers splaying across my skin.

“It’s dangerous for you, if we’re together.” He tries one final time as I pull back for air.

“It’s dangerous for me anywhere.” I remind him, sliding a hand into his hair. “I’m a Sorrengail.”

“I’m graduating soon.” He begs.

“We’ll make it work.”

I see the moment I win, the flash of defeat in his gold-flecked eyes and my heart roars in victory. “Fuck it,” he whispers, hauling me close as his hands glide up over my skin, fingers slipping beneath my bindings. My mouth captures his again and I suck his lower lip between my own, dropping my weight down onto him. One of his hands slides down to cup my ass, pulling me closer and I moan, rolling against him.

So of course, that’s exactly the moment there’s a knock on the door. I sigh, pulling back to rest my forehead against his as shadows slip away from the bed and out into the hallway, presumably to investigate. I stare into his eyes, waiting. “It’s your sister.”

“Just a second!” I call out to her, before turning back to face him again. I kiss him just once more, soft and slow. “I’d rather have you and risk death every day because of it—for as long as it lasts—than never have you at all.” I hold his gaze seriously, so he knows I mean it, and I see the moment he folds.

I slide away from him, stepping over to the armoire to slip a pair of lightweight pants on and a shirt, noting the bloodied corset on the floor—that’s going to need cleaning. When I open the door, my sister steps forward before stopping abruptly in the doorway, her boyfriend at her back. “Did you want us to come back later?” I turn my head, finding Xaden lounging back against my headboard still, one eyebrow raised and I blush, realising maybe I should have consulted him before opening the door.

“No,” I shake my head. “Come in.” It’s not like she wouldn’t have found out everything later anyway and Liam—Liam won’t care.

“I just wanted to check on you.” Violet pulls me into a hug, my rucksack hanging from one arm. “You scared me yesterday.” I run my hand over her hair, holding her tight.

“I’m fine.” I pull back to study her, looking down at the cloak covering her arms as she drops my things. “Let me see.” I demand and when she strips the cloak away, leaving her in her corset, there’s a wobbly line of stitches stretching up her skin from elbow to shoulder.

“Violet.” I groan, exasperated. “You should have let Nolon take care of that.” I chastise, turning her arm in my hands. “And why don’t you have a bandage over it? The risk of infection alone in this place is—” She shoves me away, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Nolon was a little busy with you.” She glares. “And you know how I feel about mending smaller injuries.” I shake my head, pulling open the top drawer of my armoire to find some bandages. There’s nothing small about that gash.

“Do you want to look weak? Or actually be weak?” I ask her, beginning to wrap the area. “Because right now, if I wanted to harm you, I’d just wrench your arm and tear the whole thing open.” I slip into lecture mode, also known not-so-affectionately as over-protective sister mode. “If this rips open and the skin is too thin, it can’t be re-stitched and then you’ll have to get a mender to do it anyway.”

Violet rolls her eyes, not taking in a word, and my attention snaps to Liam. “Tell her I’m right.”

He freezes looking between us anxiously. “Um…I don’t—”

“Remi!” Violet sighs, exasperated, as I tie off the bandages. “Leave him alone.”

I turn to Xaden, giving him a demanding look. “Remi’s right.” He parrots dutifully and I grin smugly, raising an eyebrow at my sister. She scoffs, shaking her head.

“See?” I duck into my pack, pulling out my leather gloves and the needle I’d given her yesterday, placing them neatly back with the rest of my toxins atop the armoire. “Next time, just let Nolon fix it. No one cares.” I inform her, trudging back over to the bed. “Everyone still treats me the same.”

Violet snorts. “They’re scared of you.”

“So make them scared of you.” I offer her a sharp smile. Xaden’s hand rakes through my hair, brushing it over my shoulder and I sink back next to him, content with his side pressed to mine.

“Actually,” he begins, “since you’ve brought it up, considering there won’t be any flight hours today, you’ll both be on the mat with me.” Violet’s brow furrows in confusion and I groan, letting my head fall back into his shoulder.

“We can’t take the day?”

“No.” He says simply. “Your enemies won’t care if you’re feeling tired.” And normally I’d complain, but given one of the concerns he’d just voiced—that I’d just waved away—was that being with him put me in danger…I decide to let it lie, resigning myself to a gruelling day.

“Ok.” I sulk, curling into him. If I have to be on the mat this morning, then I’m going to enjoy every second of contentment I can before I need to get up.

“I train with Rhiannon and Liam every day.” Violet protests. “What’s wrong with their training?” I grimace, wondering whether Xaden’s had it out with Liam already. He would not have been impressed the blond did not divulge who we were fighting the second he found out.

“You were almost strangled to death again yesterday.” Xaden grits his teeth, frustrated. “If you die, I die, or did you forget that when you were making Liam swear not to tell me about your—” I elbow him in the gut, cutting him off before he gets any angrier.

“What our illustrious wingleader means to say,” I take over, “is that Rhi goes easy on you and you get distracted by Liam’s handsome face.” My twin looks indignant for all of two seconds before she deflates, no doubt coming to the realisation that I’m right.

“There’s still time for you to go and see Nolon before breakfast.” I tell her and then my eyes widen. “Fuck!” I curse, flying out of bed. “Winifred.” I stumble over to my pack, tearing things out until I can find my cloak and all my weaponry.

“We’ll leave you to get ready.” Liam says, amused. “I’ll see you at formation.” He nods to his brother and then he’s leaving, dragging Violet out the door with him. I start collecting my clothes so I can head towards the bathing chambers, wincing as I pick up my corset. I really don’t want to have to wear this wet, but a wash is a necessity at this point.

When I turn, Xaden’s rising from the bed, padding across the floor to his own leathers and as he slides them up his legs, I sigh, throwing my clothes over my arm. He looks at me questioningly as he pulls his shirt over his head and I lean up on my toes, pulling him down toward me so I can kiss him. I’ll never get tired of kissing him.

“We’re ok, right?” I check, balancing with my hand on his shoulder. He rolls his eyes, capturing my lips again and I take that as a yes. “It’s a shame we both have places to be,” I tell him this time when we part, bringing my lips to his ear. “I so wanted to get you off this morning.” I drop back to my feet with a wicked smile, letting my hand trail down his chest. You should always consolidate a victory, after all.

He moves just slightly, his hips rolling against me and I smirk, meeting his eyes. “Oh, angel.” He reaches out with his thumb, pulling at my lower lip. “Just wait until I get you alone again.” His lips move further south, kissing gently at my jawline before he sucks a bruise into the skin of my throat, high above where my corset would cover. I melt, sagging against him and he grins into my neck, hands splaying over my back. “So. Fucking. Tempting.” He punctuates each word with his mouth on my skin and my pulse starts to race.

Like the asshole he is, that’s when he sets me back on my feet and I realise I’m outclassed. This man is going to ruin me. “Off you go.” He smirks. “You still need to get to the infirmary and breakfast before formation.”

I rock back with a sigh, stepping away from him lest I decide to stay and take him apart piece by piece. “I’ll see you in the gym.” I smile softly, following him out the door and with one final brush of his hand along my back, he’s headed down the hall.

I pause for a minute, trying to discern what the fuzzy feeling in my chest is but before I can, a throat is clearing from beside me. “Did I just see…what I thought I saw?”

My head snaps to the side and I meet Sage’s shit-eating grin with a blush and one of my own. “Maybe.” I laugh, knocking her with my hip as we start walking together. “Come on, I have to wash this thing and see Winifred before breakfast.”

She quizzes me the whole way there and the whole way to the infirmary and when we finally make it to the gathering hall after having let Winifred (and by extension Nolon) know I’m fine and am skipping my duty assignment tonight, I’ve been chided by Lía too.

“I know you find the wingleader distracting, but the least you could have done is let your poor dragon know you’re ok.” She’s so full of it. She’s been in my head the whole time!

I’m tense the entire walk through the hall to our table, mostly due to the damp corset over my arm. It makes me incredibly uncomfortable to proceed without it on, even with Sage at my back, but I need the extra hour for it to dry before I slip it back on.

I make the mistake of glancing up at the leadership table as I reach ours and wince at the way Xaden’s eyes narrow, a glare settling onto his face as he sees me un-armoured.

“Hey, Bodhi.” I tap my friend on the shoulder and slide in next to him. Immediately I begin to wish I’d picked the other side of the table. I grimace at the furious look he levels me with. What’s his problem?

“So much for seeing me at lunch.” It takes a few seconds for me to realise what he’s talking about and when I do, I groan. Fuck.

“I’m sorry!” I try to be apologetic. “In my defence I really did think I’d be fine.”

He clenches his jaw, looking unimpressed. “You should have—”

“Told you.” I interrupt, closing my eyes for a second. “I know. I really am sorry.”

He snatches the corset from my grip, looking me over with sharp eyes before glancing back at his cousin. “Put this on, before someone tries to kill you again.” I give the leadership table another cursory look and sigh, knowing it will be Xaden who’ll try and kill me if I don’t.

“Fine.” I make a face. Carefully—complaining the entire time—I slip it into place over my shirt, lacing the back expertly. There’s a twinge in my arm that I ignore and when it’s on, I adjust my clothes slowly, settling back into my seat. I’m cold already. “Happy?” I ask, shaking my hand as my wrist throbs.

“I’m mad at you.” He says succinctly.

“I gathered.” I respond dryly. “But you couldn’t have interfered anyway.”

“I know. But I could have been there.” Something warms within me at that and I smile a little, squeezing his arm. I’m still getting used to having people that want to be there.

“I’m sorry.” I tell him again. “I honestly thought I was going to take him down much faster.” There’s a grimace on my face as I accept a tray from Sage, having made a beeline straight for Bodhi the minute we entered. “Thanks.” I nod at her.

“So?” He asks expectantly, his eyes flicking down to the mark beneath my jaw. “Want to explain that?” Liam and Violet turn in my direction too, along with Imogen and Rhiannon.

“No.” I say firmly, clutching my fork and my sister frowns.

“I thought everything was fine?” She asks, eyeing me worriedly.

I rush through my breakfast, aware we need to be at formation very soon. “Everything is fine.” I reassure her. “And I’d like it to stay that way,” I continue, “and I don’t know if it will, if you’re all gossiping about it like a bunch of teenagers.” A thread of anxiety weaves through my gut. It’s not like we’d spoken about whether I could tell anyone aside from my sister that we were…whatever we were doing. I don’t even know what we’re doing, technically.

I assume no public displays of affection as a general rule, seeing as he’s…Xaden…but other than that, I have no clue whether I’m supposed to be carrying on as I please or whether I’m supposed to deny the whole thing completely.

“To be fair,” Sage coughs, “we’ve all been gossiping about it for months now.”

I huff, exasperated. “Well, stop!” I hiss, shaking my head. If they scare him off after I’ve finally gotten him to cave, I swear to Malek I won’t be responsible for my actions. Violet’s eyes soften and I know she can see my worry—my insecurity. If I’m being honest, half of them were bystanders for the mini implosion at the solstice party, so there’s no way they’re unaware something’s been going on—but I don’t want any of them spreading it around, even unintentionally.

“It’s not like you to be so concerned with what other people think.” My sister points out, her mouth turning down.

“No,” I agree. “It’s not.”

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“I’m beginning to think this isn’t the best idea.” I say quietly, looking him up and down. Thankfully, he’s got his shirt on this time; unfortunately I know what’s under it. I was lying on it this morning and my brain has been consistently reminding me of that fact for the last five minutes.

Aside from that, he’s got so many weapons strapped to him today that I can’t help but picture how large of a pile our little armoury on the floor would be this time if I stripped him down to his skin and it’s ridiculously distracting. What I’m saying is, “I can’t focus.”

His lips curl up into a wicked smirk. “Angel,” he says amusedly. “Get over here. Now.” I inhale sharply and his smirk only widens knowingly. My sister’s reclined on the floor by our mat, her gaze flicking over to Liam every now and then, concerned. The Tyr is two mats over, training against Dain in a move that both surprises and worries me. I hope his shielding is faultless.

“Leave your blades with Violence over there.” Xaden draws my attention back and I frown, shifting uncomfortably as nearly a dozen riders glance our way, watching curiously. Most of the squads are in here—including mine—making use of the free time to train for the upcoming Squad Battle. When informed that I’d be training with our wingleader, Ronan had merely shrugged and waved me off.

“But you’re armed,” I point out, confused, and he merely tilts his head, waiting. I sigh, starting to pull the blades from my corset, dropping them to the ground next to my sister one by one. The four at my thighs are next, then the one at my ankle. When I go to step forward, he pushes me back, fingertips on my chest.

“All of them.” I pout, slowly pulling one from my belt and letting it drop to the floor. He waits, raising an eyebrow and I grumble, leaning down to pull another from my boot and shake three more smaller blades from my hair.

“Remi!” Violet can barely contain her laughter, staring at the veritable mountain on the floor beside her.

“I don’t want to be caught without one.” I mumble, stepping back onto the mat a lot lighter than before. I roll my shoulder a little in preparation, wincing at the flare of pain that runs down my arm as I flex my fist.

“I still think we could have waited a few days.” Violet comments, leaning back on her good arm to watch.

Xaden shakes his head, unsheathing one of his daggers as he steps toward me. “If you don’t learn how to fight in pain, you’ll get us both killed.” I blink for a moment, staring at him wide-eyed, a burst of laughter escaping me as I turn to my sister. When our gazes lock, she grins and I know we’re thinking the same thing.

“We’re always in pain.” I tell him, my eyes dropping to the dagger he’s holding out, palm up. It has an oddly short blade, though it’s quite beautiful. I step closer, my gaze sharpening on the hilt. “Those are Tyrrish runes.” I note, studying the knots and intricate swirls in solid black. “It’s beautiful.”

He smiles, small but genuine. “It’s yours.” My eyes snap to his and I find no lie in them. “I had them made for you.” I swallow hard, feeling my heart clench. If he had them made…that means he’d started the process while we weren’t even speaking. Warmth fills me and I glance down at it and then back to the numerous identical blades I can see sheathed on his body.

“Two sets.” He confirms, noticing where my attention has gone and he turns his head toward my sister. “Though I didn’t realise at the time you carried a veritable armoury around with you.”

“Liar.” I accuse. He’s stripped close to this many off me before, he definitely had some idea.

“The problem the two of you face isn’t necessarily your fighting style.” He makes sure he has both of our attention. “You’re both fast, and you’ve become pretty damned formidable since August. The problem is you’re using daggers that are too easy to pluck out of your hands. You need weaponry designed for your body type.”

“Small and breakable?” I drawl, swiping the blade from his hand. It’s so much lighter than any of my other daggers. I could probably wear ten of them and never notice, unlike now where I’m adding the weight of my rucksack over again. My fingers curl comfortably around the rune-marked hilt and I find it’s perfectly weighted in my hand. It feels like a dream.

“Who made them?” I ask, partly because I’m curious and partly because I’m fishing for information regarding the mysterious dagger I stole from Markham’s desk—the one that also features Tyrrish runes.

“I know someone.” He answers evasively.

“In the quadrant?” I challenge him, raising an eyebrow.

“You’d be surprised how resourceful you get after three years here.” He looks so pleased with himself.

“There you go again,” I whisper, stepping forward until we’re inches apart. “Lying without lying.” I smirk, pressing the dagger back into his hand. He definitely didn’t get it here, I’d bet any money he had someone outside of Basgiath make it and picked it up on one of his secret little excursions.

“Let me guess.” I step back. “You’re going to make me do this by the book.” He brought it up on the mat for a reason, he could have just given them to me this morning, after all.

“If you’re not too distracted.” He moves with a speed that shouldn’t be possible, sweeping my feet out from underneath me and taking me to the mat in a single move. His hips settle between my thighs before I’ve even processed the ease with which he put me on my back and I groan, looking into his eyes.

“This is so unfair.” I breathe, before tucking my foot around his ankle and sliding it out, unbalancing him so he falls forward, lowering his weight onto me as I slip a dagger free from a sheath at his thigh. I toss it to the side, leaving my hand resting there after as I roll my hips up into his.

He groans. “You really want to do that? Here?”

“Absolutely not.” I slip another dagger free while he’s distracted but before I can go for a third, he’s climbing to his feet.

Over the next fifteen minutes he systematically runs through ways someone my size can disarm a larger opponent, letting me take a dagger for each movement I can get right. It’s not lost on me that the things he’s showing me are moves that would be helpful against an opponent like Vaughan.

He’s got me pinned against his front now, a blade at my neck, and as he talks I look around, making sure everyone on the mats surrounding us, is focused on their own training. When I’ve ascertained they’re not watching, I tilt my head back and to the side, sealing my lips over his throat, sucking gently as my fingers fly up to the pressure point in his wrist. He jerks, startled, and I force his fingers to lift, dropping the blade to the floor.

I kick it off to the side where the rest of them lie as Violet laughs aloud. “You really want to go there?” He murmurs in my ear and I grin, reaching behind me to splay my hand over his thigh, sliding it higher and higher until he shoves me away, putting some distance between us.

“I was just looking for the sheath.” I say innocently. “I couldn’t see behind me.” There’s only one blade left from the twelve he said were for me and I fall into a fighting stance, waiting to see what he’ll do.

He doesn’t grace me with a reply, simply shooting forward and hitting me in the hip with an open-palmed shove, knocking my body sideways into his leg. He jabs his knee to the side, knocking me off-balance and takes me to the ground where he pins me again. I’m so outclassed.

His hips are between my thighs and I automatically bring my legs up, wrapping them around him. There’s an awkward pause as I realise what I’ve done and I quickly force us into a roll. He graciously lets me put him on his back and stares up at me, amused. It’s almost distressing the way my body just reacts to him, like we’re meant to be touching at all times.

I quickly steal the last dagger from his hand and drop my weight onto him, sitting comfortably astride his hips. I lean forward until our bodies are flush, my hand pressing gently over his clavicle. “Thank you.” I murmur and the minute I slide the dagger away, he’s shoving with unnatural strength, pushing himself off the mat and arching us straight back until my spine kisses the mat again.

My legs automatically tighten around him again, his hips lodged firmly between my thighs. I struggle not to bow into him, to roll my hips and encourage him to take me apart in the middle of the damn gym. Gods, I need to get out of here.

“You can thank me later.” His mouth is at my ear and I wonder what I did in a past life to deserve this kind of torture. My stomach tightens and I resist the urge to bring my hands up and slide them over his ribcage. “There’s one more thing.” He says quietly, pulling back to look me in the eye. “Just for you.”

I don’t know what my face is doing, but I can only assume it’s what Bodhi calls the look of a lovesick idiot. He taps my thigh and I immediately drop my legs, a blush heating my cheeks as I realise I’ve been pressing us together this whole time. He reaches down beside him and when he holds his hand out, there’s a small, black blade in it, attached to some kind of cylindrical design with a pointed end.

I look down at it, confused, and when I glance back up at him, he takes my hand, sliding it over my glove and onto my pointer finger, gently curling and uncurling my fist demonstratively. The first part fits like a traditional ring, encircling my finger and the blade protrudes from that.

There’s three more pieces of metal, shaped like a dragon’s scales, each nesting just below the first so when I curl my finger, they move with it. The final piece comes to a sharp point, encasing my fingertip like a dragons claw. The final result is that when my hand is straight, the blade sits flush, but when I tighten my hand into a fist, the blade protrudes as a weapon, like a dragons talon, with the ‘scales’ protecting my finger beneath.

It’s the perfect compromise between my daggers and the needles I press between my fingers. It’s not just a weapon, it’s a work of art and the thought that obviously went into such a design has my throat tightening. Such a strong rush of emotion hits me that I have to force it back and I close my eyes for a moment.

“A little early for a ring, don’t you think?” I quip once I have it in me to speak. He rolls his eyes, looking down at me fondly.

“When you can beat me on the mat, angel, then we’ll talk.” He stands and offers me a hand.

💫      🐉      ⚔️      🔥      🖤

Later that evening I’m in my room, tossing one of my new daggers across the floor. I can’t sleep so I’m trying to focus on using my power to bring the blade back to my hand, but my control is still so shaky that sometimes it falls to the ground. Ideally, I’d like to be able to throw it, pierce an opponent’s throat or heart, and have it fly back into my palm.

A light knock on the door breaks my concentration and I sigh, watching the dagger fall, rather than fly back towards me. When I unlock the door with my magic, expecting to find Sage on the other side, I’m surprised to be greeted with the handsome face of my…Xaden. “Hi.” I blink, stepping aside to let him in.

I’d wanted to find him after dinner, but everything was so new and uncertain that I didn’t have the confidence to do so. “I don’t know if I should be offended by that less than enthusiastic response.” He says sardonically, reaching out to pull me toward him by my hips.

I smile, a silent laugh escaping me. “Let me try again.” I lean up on my toes and bring his lips to mine. The kiss is soft, intimate, and when we part I drop back onto my feet and whisper, “hi.”

He smiles back and I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of seeing a genuine expression of happiness on his face—it’s such a rare sight. “Better.” He murmurs, his hand sliding into my hair by my temple. He looks at me quietly for a moment, the disbelief I feel in my chest reflected in his eyes, like he can’t quite believe we’re here—that I’m his and he’s mine.

“Come here.” I pull him in close, slipping my hands beneath his shirt. He leans into me, almost unconsciously and I push lightly, stepping him back toward the bed. When his legs hit the mattress, I push him down until he’s sitting on the edge and pull his shirt up, tugging it over his head.

“Presumptuous.” He murmurs, but his hands have already moved back to my hips, pulling me in between his knees. I rake my fingers through his hair, his warmth radiating into my chest as I wrap my arms around him, hugging him close. My thumbs skate over his shoulders and as my palms slide down over the raised scars on his back, I close my eyes, holding him tight.

“I want to kill whoever did this to you.” I whisper and he tenses beneath my hands. “I hate the thought of someone hurting you on purpose.” When I lean back, I let my thumbs press into his shoulders, working out the tension. As my fingers press into his upper trapezius, he closes his eyes, breathing slowly.

“It was worth it.” He says quietly and I pause for a moment, my fingers gentling. “They’re a reminder.” He admits, his voice low, like he can’t quite believe he’s uttering the words out loud. “All hundred and seven of them.”

A soft noise escapes my throat and my hands slide to his jaw, cradling his face and tilting it upward. “They’re because you saved them.” It’s a statement, not a question. It kills me that he doesn’t see himself the way I do. What was it he told me? That he isn’t sweet or kind, that he isn’t a good person. This is physical proof that he’s wrong.

I don’t ask who it was that held the knife—I’m not sure I want to know.

I lean down, kissing him gently. “You’re a good man, Xaden Riorson.”

He pulls away, a self-deprecating laugh falling from his lips. “I’ve told you before, I’m not. I’ve been cruel to you.”

I kiss his cheek and then his jaw. “I know. But you’ve also protected me, more than once. You had daggers custom made for me, when we weren’t even speaking.” I card my fingers through his hair, letting my hands slip down toward his chest. “You are good, even if you don’t want to admit it.”

He shakes his head, his hand sliding down my back. “I’m not.” He argues. “Maybe I didn’t do any of that out of the goodness of my heart.” He pulls me in, his hands on my ass. “Maybe I had ulterior motives.” It’s a clear misdirection, an attempt to distract me because he’s done talking about it, but I let him have it anyway.

“Ulterior motives, huh?” I smirk, sliding to my knees between his legs. “Well I did say I was going to thank you.” I begin unlacing his boots, pulling them off and tossing them behind me. When I look up, sliding my hands over black-clad thighs, his eyes have darkened with desire, pupils blown wide.

I let my thumbs draw circles over his inner thighs, dragging my hands up and up until I reach his belt. “No weapons tonight, wingleader?” I notice the absence of any blades on his person.

“I am the weapon.” His hands fall to my hair and a quiet noise escapes my throat—the barest hint of a moan I’m not able to contain. Why is his unwavering arrogance so fucking hot? He smirks down at me, expression unchanging as I hook my fingers in the waistband of his pants, tugging them down his thighs. When they’re off and he’s finally naked beneath my hands, I settle back into the space between his knees, gazing up at him.

He doesn’t react outwardly, doesn’t make a sound, but I can see the desire in his eyes, in the way his breath quickens and his muscles tense beneath my hands. His cock is already hard and as I slide closer, sucking a mark into his v-line, he finally reacts, shuddering against my mouth. “Angel,” he groans, one hand tugging at my hair.

Arousal coils in my gut and I press my thighs together, giving him my full attention. “Is this the ulterior motive you were talking about?” I ask sweetly, letting my thumbs just brush over the highest point of his inner thighs. “Was this what you were hoping for, when you did something nice for me?”

Our eyes lock and the second he opens his mouth to respond, I drag my tongue up the underside of his cock, grinning wickedly as a startled moan escapes his mouth. “Fuck,” he gasps, arching up off the bed. I draw back, sitting on my heels to look at him through hooded eyes.

“Just think,” I wrap my hand around him, “we could have been doing this for months.” I stroke him slowly, leaning in as his fist tightens in my hair. I wait until I see his lips part, until he’s just about to retort, and then wrap my lips around his cock, swallowing around him as I flatten my tongue.

His answering moan is loud in the quiet of my room and pleasure wars with satisfaction as I draw the sound from him again, swirling my tongue around the head of his cock. “Fuck, Remi.” His hips snap off the bed, forcing me to take him deeper down my throat. I inhale sharply through my nose, a startled noise escaping me as I press my hands down on his hips, hard.

“Sorry, angel.” He sounds suitably chastised and when I look up to glare at him, his grip on my hair gentles, one hand dropping down to cup my jaw. I sigh through my nose, flattening my tongue again as he rocks into my mouth, shallower this time.

I moan as he rolls against me, letting it vibrate through him as I grip whatever I can’t fit between my lips with my hand. “Fuck, you’re beautiful.” The hand on my jaw slides down a little, three fingers splaying across my throat. “The things I want to do to you.”

I whimper, throbbing with arousal as I fold my lips over my teeth, sucking hard. He jolts and as I continue to to take him higher and higher, praises fall from his lips, heating my skin. The way he grips my hair, the whispered compliments and his own quiet moans have me so wound up, you’d think I was the one being pleasured.

Shadows slink away from him and though his hands are both on my head, I feel his touch elsewhere, skating underneath my clothes, brushing the swell of my breasts. I moan aloud, leaning in to take him deeper and am rewarded with the sensation of a hand cupping my breast. “Good girl,” he murmurs, fingers tightening on my jaw.

When he finally tenses beneath me, like a spring coiled tight, I grip him close, ignoring the insistent tug at my hair before he spills down my throat, a curse on his lips. I force myself to swallow every drop before pulling back, letting my cheek rest on his thigh as I gaze up at him, a self-satisfied smile on my face.

Sweat glistens on his exposed skin and I wait for him to catch his breath. “Rem,” he murmurs, eyes fluttering open and I shiver at the sound of my name on his lips, so rarely used. His hand smooths over my hair. “Gods, get up here.”

I try to move, to climb to my feet, but my knees have locked up and I wince. “I actually don’t think I can.” I laugh a little, pressing a kiss to his thigh. It was worth it, causing those sounds to spill from his lips. He reaches down, lifting me effortlessly onto the bed, then strips my sleeping pants off with military efficiency, hands sliding up my calves to gently massage at my knees, soothing the ache. That, more than anything, makes my heart melt.

When I can bend them again without cringing, I roll off the side of the bed, stripping the rest of my clothes off, grinning at the way his eyes darken. “Get the mage lights, will you?” I say tiredly, rolling back under the covers. He blinks, his mouth falling open slightly and when I open one eye to glare at him, he clicks his fingers, dousing the room in darkness.

I let my head fall back into the pillow, reaching an arm out, because I have no doubt he can see. He slides in behind me, pressing our skin together as he curls around my form, wrapping me in his arms. “You don’t want…?”

I hum softly, relaxing back into him. “You just don’t like me winning.” I tease, before admitting, “I’m tired. You wore me out today.” His thumbs draw circles over the skin covering my ribcage. My lips curl up into a smirk. “And when I get your mouth on me, I want to really enjoy it.” He stills, hands pausing over my abdomen.

“Oh, angel,” he whispers darkly, nipping at my earlobe. “I promise you’ll enjoy everything we do.” One of his hands slides up to my chin, tipping my head back onto his shoulder so he can nip and suck his way down the column of my throat. The other slips between my legs and I arch against him, gasping as he draws two fingers through my wet arousal. “Just relax and let me even out the score.”

“Xaden!” I breathe, moaning as the arousal I’d thought abated, pools low in my belly once more, like fire licking my insides. One of his legs slots between my own and I rock my hips. His fingertips swirl over my clit, working in tight circles as he sucks bruises into my skin, drawing gasps and stuttered moans from my mouth.

“You were so perfect for me,” he murmurs, lips brushing the shell of my ear. “The way you let me fuck your mouth.” I whimper, arching into his hand, my breath coming faster as he slips two fingers inside me, curling them up.

He pumps them a few times, but right as I start to rock my hips against them, he withdraws, bringing them back up to circle my clit once more. “Relax,” he reprimands, nipping at my neck with his teeth and I moan, melting back into his grip again. His free hand skates over my skin until he’s cupping one of my breasts, gently rolling my nipple between his fingers.

“Please,” I beg, tipping my head back onto his shoulder again as I force myself not to move, giving in to his touch. The less I tense, the more he gives me and I’m riding a wave of gentle pleasure, the slow pace doing nothing to ease the fire inside me.

I relax my spine, breathing out slowly as he slips two fingers inside me once more, crooking them up as he lifts his knee, forcing my legs apart. “Xaden,” I beg again, craning my neck so I can kiss him. He sucks my lip into his mouth, running his tongue over it gently, the kiss as soft as his touch. He’s still curling his fingers, pulling them in and out slowly, and as my nails dig into his arms, my body tightening in concentration, he slows, drawing his fingers back out.

I grit my teeth, frustrated. “Trust me.” He murmurs, kissing my jawline, “I’m not teasing you.” I sigh, turning my face into his skin. I don’t understand, but I focus on my breathing anyway as he flicks at my clit, circling it with his thumb. When he’s sure I’m loose and relaxed again, he presses his fingers back in, stroking gently over my walls. “That’s it,” he croons, winding me up again. He crooks his fingers and I let out a breathy moan against his neck, unconsciously contracting around them.

He continues to drag them in and out slowly, pressing against my sweet spot every time and I have to fight to keep my toes from curling. I’m breathing evenly, focusing on the swirl of his thumb when he slides another finger in, stretching me open. I whimper, pressing my lips to his neck and before I can beg him, he’s pressing down harder with his thumb over my clit and my orgasm rips through me.

His shadows cover my mouth, quieting the sound of my moan as I come in long, slow waves. My thighs shake as I convulse around his fingers, falling apart in his arms. He curls his fingers through it, drawing it out as I shudder and moan, the slow, gentle pace giving way to one of the strongest orgasms I’ve ever felt. He holds me tight, kissing my temple as I catch my breath, shivering.

When I’ve finally recovered enough to move, I turn in his arms, his hand coming up to rest on my hip. “I think that makes us even.” He says quietly, the corner of his lips pulling up. It definitely puts him way, way ahead, but I’m not going to give him the satisfaction of telling him so. “In the morning, we’ll get you to two.” His fingers stroke up over my skin.

I make a content noise in the back of my throat, slipping a leg between his as I press myself against him, laying my head down on his chest. “It’s a new day.” I tell him. “Wouldn’t it reset to zero?” My eyes are closed, but I know he’s amused by the way his chest vibrates beneath my cheek.

“It’s definitely past midnight by now.” He counters, stroking a hand over my hair. “But if it makes you feel better, we can get two in before breakfast.” Arrogant ass.

“Promises, promises.” I mumble, winding my arms around him, finally going to sleep the way I’ve wanted to twice now, but have been too afraid to initiate. “Night, Xaden.” I whisper, already drifting off to the sound of his heartbeat in my ear.

Chapter Text

💫      🐉      ⚔️      🔥      🖤

February flies by in a blur of exhaustion, but I'm the strongest I've been in months. Xaden takes every unscheduled moment of our days to drill my sister and I on the mat, pulling us both from our squad training as he sees fit. I feel a little bad about it, but not enough to complain—Ronan clearly doesn't mind.

Usually, we'll learn from Xaden after our classes are done for the day (read: get our asses handed to us), before being sent off to lift weights with Imogen in the gym. More often than not, I'll only train with him every second day.

He enjoys pushing me to my limit, but never further—at least not on the mat. So while I did have to explain to him my limitations at first and how they differ from my twin's, once he got a feel for it—literally, sometimes—he was good about changing up my training. If I'm particularly tired, he prioritises my sessions with Imogen over those with him. I can tell that it worries him, the way the year is slipping away from us and I still can't keep my seat.

Sage and Morgan have started joining Violet and I in the weights room too, along with Rhiannon, and if Imogen were anyone else, I'd feel kind of bad for the way the second-year has been unwillingly coerced into essentially becoming a squad leader. Fortunately, the pink-haired harpy is in her element when she gets to boss other people around, so I'm certain it doesn't bother her too much.

Somehow, Violet and I still find time in between all of that to meet up with Sage and Rhiannon to study, working on both academics and our channeling, before we fall into bed at night and I do mean fall. Most nights I'm a boneless heap, collapsing into either my pillows or Xaden's side.

He's spent a lot of nights in my room, curled around me, slipping out before most of the floor wakes. There wasn't really any hope of keeping it from my friends, meaning most of Violet's squad and half of mine, but he still seems hesitant about anyone else finding out. Why, I wouldn't know, I'm too scared to ask. Our working relationship is good, the sex is good, we're good—whatever we are—so I'm not entirely certain where the problem lies, but I worry if I ask, he might change his mind, so I stay silent, taking it as it comes.

Currently, he's doing it again—slipping from my bed before the sun rises—and a frown pulls at my brow as he takes the warmth of his body with him. "Do you have to go?" I murmur, reaching out for him.

"Yes." He sounds amused and his fingers lace with mine as he leans down to kiss me. "I have a leadership meeting this morning."

"You can utilise those leadership skills right here." I try and coax him, grinning into my pillow.

"It turns you on when I give you orders, huh?" My cheeks heat at the amusement in his voice as he says aloud something we've both known for a while, but never spoken about. It's not necessarily the orders I like, but rather the dominant tone in his voice, the way he takes control of any situation he's in.

"No comment." I murmur, wrapping my arms around my pillow. It's something I would have liked to have explored with him by now, but I've been so exhausted we're barely having sex at all. I close my eyes, hoping to get another hours sleep in before I need to get up.

I listen to him slipping on his jacket and re-sheathing his blades, but keep my eyes closed, so when he says sharply, "what's this?" I have no idea what he's talking about. My eyes shoot open at the edge in his voice and I blink into the darkness, the room only lit by the beginnings of dawn through my window.

He's standing by my desk, where all my weaponry is laid out. I'd been sharpening everything the afternoon before on a whetstone and when he turns, gripped tightly in his hand is the Tyrrish blade I stole from Markham's office.

"Remi." He demands, his voice tight and I wince, my mouth dropping open as I pull myself upright.

"Don't be mad." I start, holding my hands up and his expression darkens. There's a hint of betrayal in his eyes alongside the furious anger, before I continue quickly, "I probably shouldn't have taken it, but I really liked it and I figured he probably wouldn't notice so—" His expression clears, relief crossing his face for a moment before he walks towards me.

"Remi," he cuts me off, his voice softening. "Where did you get it?"

I swallow in confusion, looking down at the blade gripped tightly in his hand, still. "Markham's desk." I whisper. "Sage and I snuck into his office and I found it in his drawer." Xaden's eyes close, a tiny line appearing between his brows as he thinks. "Xaden." I say softly, drawing his attention back to me. "It's important, isn't it?"

He studies me closely, what he's looking for though, I'm not sure. "Yes." He says finally. "It's important." He steps up to the bed, cupping my cheek. "Do not let anyone see you with it." He tells me seriously, holding my gaze. "He will have noticed it's gone and if he finds out you have it..." Xaden trails off.

"He'll try and kill me?" I whisper.

"Without a doubt." He confirms, his thumb grazing over my cheekbone. "Remi..." His voice is tight, "I don't know what you were looking for, but stay away from his office. Don't break in there again." He tells me. "I don't know how you escaped his notice, but..." He's tense, his brows pulled down in his worry and I turn my head to kiss his hand.

"Ok." I say quietly. "I promise." Because he's...scared. Xaden Riorson is scared for me.

He looks down at the blade in his hand as if it's a mystery he needs to solve. Slowly, he reaches out, placing it in my palm. "Keep it."

"You're not going to tell me why it's important, are you?" I ask softly and his face hardens.

"No."

"Because you can't or because you don't want to?"

He looks frustrated for a moment. "Both." He finally answers, turning his back. "Don't ask me." He doesn't say please, but I hear it in his voice.

"Ok." I don't need him to tell me, I'm going to figure it out, it's only a matter of time.

He looks over his shoulder with both concern and surprise. "Ok?"

"Did you want me to be mad?" I arch an eyebrow, swinging my legs over the side of the bed. "I understood your priorities before we started this." I slip past him, placing the rune-encrusted dagger in the top drawer of my armoire. "It sucks that you don't trust me enough to tell me." I say honestly. "It hurts." He looks pained. "But I get that you have to put eighty-five people above me." I've always known that.

"Remi..." It's hard to describe the look on his face. It's relief and gratitude and hurt and sadness all in one. A month ago I would have been so much more upset by the reminder that I'll never be his first priority, but now—knowing what it's like to have him at my side—I think maybe it could be worth it in the end.

"You're going to be late." I remind him gently, reaching down to squeeze his hand. "You'd better go."

He runs a hand over my hair, just because he can. "I'm taking your sister up to the flight field after formation to practice manoeuvres." He says and tiny spark of jealousy flares in me. "Do you want to come and see Sgaeyl?" His eyes are knowing and I push the reaction down, hating that I still get envious any time their bond is mentioned.

"Sure." I tell him quietly, leaning into his touch. I haven't seen the Blue Daggertail in months, not since we started whatever this thing of ours is. It's not like I've had a chance to draw either, I've been kept so busy. It might be nice to just relax for once—take my charcoals and sit with Lía on the field, drawing. As an added bonus, the class I'd be skipping is Professor Carr's and that's too good of an opportunity to turn down.

"I'll see you then." I whisper, turning to get out my flight leathers in case I want to go up with Lía for a while.

"See you." He says quietly, hand slipping from my shoulder and in seconds, he's gone. I don't know why I feel unsettled all of a sudden, but I sit down on the edge of my bed anyway, staring into empty space. I hate the moments when things get...weird between us. When I'm reminded of all the things he's keeping from me or how much time he has to spend with my sister and I'm forced to push my feelings down. It's not like I'm mad about those things, logically I understand why it's necessary, but it still stings all the same.

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Three feet of snow has to be shovelled before morning formation and honestly, I'm not sure why we bother. I groan, scratching at my arm as my dragon relic itches. Captain Fitzgibbons has just finished the death roll and as we're dismissed, I farewell my squad to head towards the flight field.

"Skipping class again?" Ronan sounds amused more than anything else.

"Let's be honest," I tell him, "I'm better off practicing my channelling on my own, rather than with Carr leaning over my shoulder, waiting for me to self-immolate." Because I'm almost certain that's what he's doing—standing around watching me like a creep, waiting for either Violet or I to burst into flames or something equally...shocking.

"Whatever." He shakes his head. "As long as that boyfriend of yours gets you ready for the squad battle, I don't care." I blink twice, staring at him in shock.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Sure you don't." He shakes his head, turning to walk away.

"We've told you before, you are kind of obvious." Morgan comments, grinning. "You weren't exactly subtle when you were pursuing him." That's...true.

"I don't know why you're bothering to stay quiet about it." Sage shakes her head bitterly. "Enough people have figured it out and I know it bothers you." It does, but not enough for me to say anything, or to push. The last time I pushed his boundaries he didn't look at me for a month.

"You're not the girl that sits quietly and does whatever a man says." Sage frowns.

"I don't sit quietly and do whatever he says." I retort, feeling a little hurt.

"Ok." She agrees and I know it's insincere. "I'll see you later." I watch her leave and it feels like a rock is on my chest. I don't like arguing with her. Morgan places a hand on my shoulder, gripping it lightly.

"She'll come around." She shrugs when I turn to look at her. "She just wants what's best for you." She readjusts her rucksack, shifting uncomfortably on her feet. "But Remi...she's kind of right. You're happy and I love that for you, but you're also...quiet." She frowns. "It's concerning."

"I've just been tired!" I argue. Exhausted, really.

"So take a break." Morgan says kindly and I'm left to think about their words long after they've both gone. As I stand in the courtyard, waiting by the doors to the ridgeline, I realise maybe they're right. I've been walking on eggshells, not wanting to do anything that might upset the delicate balance I've found with Xaden. But that's not me and it can't last forever. I've given a lot to the relationship between us, there are so many things I let him get away with, things he's keeping from me that I brush off with pragmatism, but does that go both ways?

I know how hard it's been for him to even open himself up to the possibility of me, to even try, but it's been long enough now that I can't continue on as I have been, desperate not to rock the boat. I need to be able to be myself and not worry about the repercussions of that, to not worry that he'll leave because of it or I'll be stuck like this forever.

The courtyard starts to empty as I wait, leaning back against the wall besides the tunnel's entrance. Lost in my thoughts, I almost don't notice the figure approaching across the grass, dark aura practically radiating from him. "Hello, angel." He spits the words, no longer sounding cocky, just furious.

My hand is at my waist immediately, pulling a dagger free as he swaggers the final few strides between us. It's the first time I've seen Vaughan in over a month, since the challenge day where he almost killed me with a slash through my ulnar artery—the day where I almost killed him wrenching my dagger from pelvis to sternum.

My gaze drops from the murderous expression on his face, to his hands. One has a knife gripped tight under his fingers, the other...the other is missing three fingers completely and the flesh...the flesh on his arm has been eaten away, there's no other word for it. It's almost like it's been peeled back and then burned—everything on his hand and then all the way up his wrist, halfway to his elbow. I'd known what the venom I'd coated half my daggers with that day was supposed to do—I'd just never seen the results.

"Oh, you're still alive?" I try to mimic surprise. "That's a shame."

"You got lucky." He says and I can't help but laugh, fingering the dagger in my hand in case I need to throw it.

"I didn't get lucky." I tell him as he moves closer. "You're the one who's lucky. I remember slicing you open so wide I'm not sure how your intestines have remained in place." I grip my blade tight. Hot anger flares to life within me, that he would even dare try and start something with me again—it makes me furious. I should have killed him.

"Oh, angel, just wait. I'm going to pay you back for this." He holds his mangled limb up demonstratively.

My glare is cold as he stops a few feet away from me, cutting off any exit path I'd have had. I'm so damn furious. "I'd suggest you don't call me that."

"And why is that, angel?"

It's not me who answers. "Because you're going to end up missing a lot more than a few fingers if you persist." He stills, turning slowly to face what he clearly believes is the bigger threat. He steps off to the side, revealing Xaden behind him, Violet at his back. "You'll lose every other finger one by one until you're begging for mercy."

He paces around Vaughan until he's at my side, arms crossed over his chest. "And when it's finally too much for you—when she's done teaching you a lesson—she'll put a knife in your throat and I'll help her dispose of the body." His smile is sharp as he stares the man down, standing not in front of me, but beside me. It's a really inappropriate time for me to be swooning, but damn it, he's just—so fucking perfect.

Vaughan steps back, knowing when he's outclassed, but I move forward, pacing after him. "He's half right." I murmur furiously. "But I wouldn't start with the fingers, one by one." I flip my blade in my hand, stalking him. "I'd just take the rest of that hand at once. It's pretty useless anyway, right?" I give him a sweet smile, countering the bitter, hunted look on his face.

"Next time we meet," he drops his voice low, so only I can hear. "You won't have your boyfriend around to protect you."

My grin is all teeth. "He's sweet, but he didn't do that to you." I motion towards his arm. "I did." I have no doubt that there's more skin beneath his shirt that's burnt and eaten away. I'd caught him in the pelvis with the exact same venom.

With that, I turn on my heel and walk away, letting him know just how little I think of him by showing my unprotected back, and just because I can, when I finally reach Xaden by the tunnel I run my hand across his cheek and down his neck in an affectionate, intimate touch. He tenses under my palm I drop it to my side, stepping around him and into the passageway. "Let's go."

I know he doesn't like public displays of affection—but I do and I'm tired of constantly hiding how I feel. "Are you ok?" My sister asks, falling into step beside me, a gentle hand cupping my elbow.

"I'm fine." I try to smile at her. "Are you ok? Where's Liam today?"

She wraps her arm around my waist. "We're not joined at the hip, you know." She rolls her eyes fondly. "He's in class."

I snort. "I'm not sure why he bothered," I shake my head. "It's not like farsight is something he'll be able to train in Carr's dungeon." He would have been better served coming up here and practicing manoeuvres with me given the amount of time Lía and Deigh have been spending together.

"Maybe he just didn't want to be out in the cold." Violet says amusedly. "It is freezing out." Don't remind me, I'm already huddled into my fur-lined cloak and still feeling the chill.

"Kaori and the other professors are just taking it easy on you guys, since the squad battle is coming up and they know you need the practice wielding." Xaden cuts in from behind us. "Third-years fly in this weather all the time—we have the flight field this afternoon." His long strides carry him past us easily, leaving us to hurry after him.

"And I don't need the practice?" Violet says, confused, her voice echoing in the tunnel.

"Winning the Squad Battle is nothing in the scheme of keeping you alive. You'll be on the front lines before the rest of them come next year." It's a reminder I don't need—the fact that because Tairn is bonded with Sgaeyl, Violet will more than likely be going places I can't follow, places that put her directly in the path of danger.

"Is that what's going to happen next year?" She asks as we exit the tunnel on the other side, white snow all around us. It's piled high on each side of the path, the result of this heavy winter.

"I'm going to the front lines?"

"Inevitably." Xaden responds. "There's no telling how long Sgaeyl and Tairn will tolerate being separated. My best guess is that we'll both have to sacrifice to keep them happy." He's clearly not so happy about it himself and I don't blame him. I know this place has been hard on him, probably harder than it's been on us, and I understand his desire for freedom. The bond Sgaeyl has with Tairn is going to keep pulling him back for at least another year or two. Or...my stomach sinks...Violet will be forced out of Basgiath early.

"Second Wing," Violet says suddenly as we approach the stairs, pointing at the squad from Tail Section as they slip and slide their way across the Gauntlet. "You sure you don't want your own squads out here practicing?"

"Wait..." I trail off, looking between them. "What are they practicing for?"

Violet stops, her brow furrowing. "The squad battle."

"Their squad leader makes them do that as a workout?" I raise an eyebrow, "glad they're not my squad leader."

Violet stills in place. "Rem...the gauntlet is part of the squad battle. We have to do it again."

"What?" My blood freezes in my veins. "No." I shake my head. "No, no, no. I'm not doing that again." I take a step back, as if the distance will make it any less true.

"You don't have a choice." She says quietly. "You were fine last time." I shake off the hand she's placed on my arm.

"I was not fine!" I hiss. "I almost ended up like fucking Aurelie!" She flinches at the reminder. "I do not want to be Aurelie, Vi!" I can feel the panic rising in me at just the thought. I'd dislocated my shoulder twice getting up that thing. I spent three days in the infirmary after, recovering from the exertion.

"We'll come out here and practice." My sister tries. "You'll be fine, Rem. It's not September." She points out. "You're a lot stronger than you were then." She's right. Almost five months lifting weights with Imogen has paid off, my joints are much stronger than they were back then, but that doesn't mean I'm not terrified. At least when I fall from Lía, there's a high chance she'll catch me.

"You haven't dislocated anything in six weeks" Xaden says suddenly, like he's been keeping track and I startle, wondering how he knows that. He's not with me every second of every day, after all. But then...I glance around at the shadows surrounding us and realise he very well could be. Before I can open my mouth to respond, Violet's head snaps toward the staircase and I notice there's a group of people coming down.

We move to the side, out of the way of the landing for them to descend first and I freeze as I recognise Colonel Aetos walking next to Commandant Panchek. We snap to an attention stance and I watch warily as Dain's father notices us. When he reaches the ground, he offers my twin a smile. "At ease. You're looking well, Violet. Nice flight lines," he says, gesturing to the ones on his own cheekbones that come from flight goggles. "You must be getting a lot of airtime."

She smiles tightly, relaxing a little. "Thank you, sir, I am." She looks up at the colonel. "Dain is doing well, too. He's my squad leader this year."

"He's told me." The man grins before he turns toward me. "He's told me some interesting things about you, too, Remi." I stiffen, swallowing harshly.

"I'm sure he has." Dain and I have never gotten along and his father is well aware of that. He's never really liked me much for the exact same reasons. He's polite enough to my face, especially when my sister is around—he loves Vi—but I can hear the undercurrent of distrust in his voice.

His eyes linger on me for a moment, searching, before he continues. "Mira asked about you two while we were touring the Southern Wing last month." He says. "Don't worry, you'll get your letter privileges in second year, and then you can keep in touch more often. I'm sure you miss her." I try to smooth out the frown that wants to form on my brow. Has Mira been reassigned to the Southern Wing? Why?

"Every day." Violet nods, eyes shining and I grip her hand for a moment, even as my mind races over the implications of Aetos' words.

Xaden is at my back, so I feel the moment he stiffens, right as my mother steps out of the stairwell in front of us.

"Mum!" Violet blurts and I watch carefully as her head turns, meeting Violet's eyes. Every muscle in my body feels like a spring coiled tight—on alert, prepared to either fight or run, dragging my sister with me. I don't want our mother anywhere near her, not with the suspicions I have. It's been five months since Threshing, longer still since I've said a word to her and I don't intend to start now.

I back up an inch or two into Xaden, pressing my body against his. My mother's gaze sweeps over us with all the familiarity of a commanding general and there's no warmth in her gaze as she takes us in.

"I hear you're both having trouble wielding." She says, her tone icy and my lip curls up. She turns her cold gaze on me. "I hear you were the last to channel out of all the cadets."

I offer her a glare as icy as her own. "And the fastest to pick up lesser magics." I lift my chin and Violet stiffens beside me. "I could shield before I even had a dragon." As far as I've been led to believe, that's unheard of and in the real world signets aren't everything. I'm just as deadly without one.

"We have the best shields in our year." Violet cuts in and I'm not surprised when my mother's attention shifts to her, ignoring every word I've spoken.

"With a dragon like Tairn, I would certainly hope so." She cocks an eyebrow. "If not, all of that incredible, enviable power will have been..." Her sigh is a puff of steam in the air. "Squandered." She talks as if Violet spoke in the singular, as if I don't even exist and while I'm disappointed, I'm not surprised. I'm actually not sure why it bothers me, I outgrew trying to get her approval long ago.

"Yes, General." Violet responds, unable to hide the hurt in her voice and I grind my teeth together, trying to keep from losing my temper.

"You have been the topic of some conversation, though." Mother's gaze skims the top of Violet's head, and I know she's looking at the silver-tipped braid she thinks marks her—us—as cursed, the hair she said we were better off cutting. I hope it bothers her how loose mine is hanging, blowing in the breeze.

"Oh?" Violet asks, trying to sound curious, but it really just comes out empty.

"We're all wondering what powers—if any—you're wielding from the golden dragon?" My mother's lips form a smile I'm sure she thinks is soft, but I know her too well to fall for it. So does Vi. This woman has never spared a minute for us our entire lives unless it benefitted her too. No, there's nothing soft or kind about her.

Xaden is tense at my back and I slip my hands behind me, falling back to parade rest so I can surreptitiously reach out and grab his hand. I'm not sure if it's for my comfort or his.

"Nothing yet." Violet responds after a beat. "Andarna told me that feathertails are known for being unable to channel power to their rider." Technically, that's true and I feel a sliver of satisfaction at the fact that we're not even lying and still thwarting her. "It's why they don't bond often."

"Or ever," Dain's dad chimes in. "We were actually hoping that you might ask your dragon to allow us to study her. For purely academic purposes, of course."

I snort, unable to help myself. I raise an eyebrow, looking at him as if it's the dumbest thing I've ever heard—it's not, but it's definitely up there. How stupid does he think we are?

"Unfortunately," Violet cuts in, shooting me a sharp look before I can get myself into more trouble, "I don't see her being comfortable with that. She's pretty private, even with me."

"Pity," Colonel Aetos says, his sharp gaze lingering on me for a moment. "We've had the scribes on it since Threshing, and the only reference they can find in the Archives about the power of feathertails is hundreds of years old, which is funny because I remember your father doing a bit of research about the second Krovlan uprising, and he mentioned something about feathertails, but we can't seem to find that tome." He scratches his forehead.

Our mother looks at Violet with expectation, as though to ask, without actually asking. "I don't believe he finished his research on that particular historical event before he died, Colonel Aetos. I couldn't even tell you where his notes are." Lie. I hope our mother can't read Violet as well as I can—she definitely knows where they are.

"That's too bad." The general forces another smile. "Glad to see you're alive, Cadets Sorrengail." Her gaze flashes sideways and instantly hardens to steel. "Even if the company you're forced to keep is more than questionable."

"No one forces me into anything anymore." I don't bother pretending to smile as I meet her eyes, narrowing mine.

"Yes, there's been...stories."

I bet there has. My lips tick up, just slightly. "Wingleader Riorson has been gracious enough to assist me in overcoming the deficiencies of my birth." It's a skill of mine I've honed over the years—knowing exactly where to stick the knife and how to twist.

Violet seems torn, too hesitant to say anything lest she make the situation worse, but I have no such fears. I couldn't care less if my mother and all of command know I'd side with Xaden in a heartbeat. She tried to kill me. Regardless of any questions I have around Navarre and its secrets, why would I remain on their side after that? No, I don't care. I'd kiss Xaden right in front of them just to make her brain implode if he'd let me.

"Questionable? I always felt that we resolved any of those questions years ago," Xaden interrupts, his voice low, but he's taut as a bowstring behind me and I can feel him gripping my hand tight; a warning.

"Hmm." Mother turns toward the citadel in clear dismissal, not sparing us another word. "Do see if you can master some kind of signet, Cadet Sorrengail." She says to Violet. "You have a legacy to live up to." Eight months away from her and nothing's changed. In her at least.

"Yes, General." My sister replies tightly.

"Good to see you, Violet." Dain's dad offers her a sympathetic smile, and Panchek outright ignores us, running to catch up with the general.

Vi doesn't say a word, starting up the stairs, slamming her feet down harder with each step, getting angrier and angrier.

"Well...I'm beginning to see where your self-esteem issues come from."

It's too much right now—after dealing with my mother and Colonel Aetos, after having to fight back against Vaughan, arguing with Sage and the constant, constant wondering whether I'm going to be keeping this—us—a secret forever; it's too much. I turn around and shove him back a few steps before storming after my sister.

"Rem," he sighs, taking the stairs two at a time until he's at my back. "I just didn't realise it was that bad between you." His tone is soft and as we start down the box canyon toward the flight field, I walk faster.

"So what? You thought I was lying when I said everyone's always preferred Vi?" I spit, catching up to my sister.

"No." He says tightly. "I just didn't—"

"She tried to kill me!" I blurt, whirling around. "And I can't figure out what's worse, that or her just pretending I don't exist."

"What do you mean?" Violet interrupts, pausing midway through the canyon.

I clench my jaw, willing myself not to scream. "Surely you've figured it out by now?" I ask her, perhaps a little too cruelly. "The storm picked up when we stepped on the parapet and it cleared the minute we stepped off. What are the chances of that?" I look between her and Xaden. "The wind was literally pushing us." I throw my hands up. "She tried to kill us. She couldn't even wait for Basgiath to do it for her."

Xaden stops me, a hand on my arm as he looks to where Violet is standing, her eyes filling with tears. I swallow harshly, anger warring with guilt. In my bitterness I hadn't considered what it would be like for her, finding out like that. I should have...I shouldn't have done that. I can feel my face crumple as my sister starts to cry, something I've rarely seen since we got to Basgiath.

I cross the distance between us immediately, folding her into my arms. "I'm sorry." I clutch her tight, pressing my face to her neck. "I shouldn't have said that." I rock her from side to side. "Maybe I was wrong," I say quietly to comfort her, even if I don't believe I am.

"W-why would she do that?" Violet chokes out, forcing her tears back. "And why didn't you tell me?"

I close my eyes, taking a deep breath. "We weren't really speaking at the time..." I start. "And I don't know why, but there's no other explanation that makes sense."

My mind is already working through scenarios and probabilities, wondering whether I should tell her my suspicions about dad or whether I should wait. There's a small voice in the back of my mind whispering that I could be wrong, that I shouldn't break my sister's heart even further over nothing.

"I shouldn't be surprised." Violet pulls away. "She's barely tolerated our existence our entire lives." Her tone is bitter as she scrubs her hands across her face.

"Doesn't make it hurt less." I whisper, squeezing her hand for just a second.

"Are you sure it wasn't a coincidence?" Xaden asks and I bristle, swinging around to glare at him. He holds his hands up in surrender, shaking his head. "That storm was rolling in for at least an hour—that's all."

I pause for a moment, studying him. Why would he ever defend her? She killed his father, I can't even imagine... I stare at him, almost motionless. "Even if she didn't start it," I begin softly, "she could have stopped it."

"And made you look weak." Xaden points out. "Look, I don't like her either," he says sardonically, "I'm just saying—"

"You know something," I realise, tilting my head.

"I don't know anything about your mother and the parapet." He says carefully and my frown deepens.

"What did—what did you mean?" Violet questions Xaden then. "Saying that you resolved questions years ago?" She asks as if his answer will help her understand, help her somehow reckon with the idea our mother might have wanted us gone. Or maybe she's hoping it will disprove my theory.

When he eventually speaks, he's answering her, but his eyes are glued on me. "Just reminding her that I paid the price for my loyalty." My stomach churns as I think about the scars marring his back and for a second I finally let myself consider the possibility that my mother might have been the one to put them there.

"Paid what price?" Violet asks and I grip her arm, drawing her attention to me so I can shake my head. He won't talk about it. When I look back his focus is still on me and I want to step closer, to close the distance between us but I'm still confused and hurt and maybe a little unsure that I'd be welcome, so I just turn on my heel, heading for the flight field where I know Lía will be.

My Green Daggertail is already waiting when I stride out across the grass, lowering her maw so I can pull her into me. "Hello, little one." She greets, nudging me with her nose as she senses the turbulence inside me.

"Hi, Lía." I reply softly, almost sad.

"Today is hard?" She asks and I nod, letting my forehead rest on her scales for just a moment. I want to step in between her maw and underbelly and hide there for the rest of the year, but I know that's impossible.

The ground shakes as Tairn and Sgaeyl land simultaneously across the field, Andarna following close behind.

"We're all flying today?" I hear Violet ask, a small smile forming on her face again as she walks forward to greet the little golden dragon.

"We're all learning today." Xaden answers, his voice gruff. "You need to learn how to stay on and I need to learn why the hell it's so hard for you—you and Remi both," he answers. "Andarna needs to learn how to keep up. Tairn needs to learn how to share his space in a tighter flight formation and every other dragon but Sgaeyl is too scared to fly closer..." Tairn chuffs at that and I snort quietly, hiding my face behind Lía. I can't imagine Tairn behaving congenially ever.

"And what is Sgaeyl learning?" Violet asks, watching the giant blue dragon as she pads across the field to nudge me with her nose, playfully exhaling steam to ruffle my hair. I smile at her a little, reaching out hesitant fingers to her scales, even as I struggle to look her rider in the eye.

"She's been leading for almost three years now." Xaden smiles, crossing his arms over his chest. "She's going to have to learn how to follow. Or at least practice." Tairn's chuff sounds suspiciously like a laugh, and she swings around to snap at him, baring her teeth and coming within inches of his neck, before she turns back to me, pressing her maw back into my hand for a second.

"Dragon relationships are absolutely incomprehensible," Violet says quietly.

"Yeah?" Xaden laughs, but there's something slightly off about it, like it rings a little dishonest. "They're not much different to human ones." He tells her, crossing the distance between us. "Just as vicious, but more fire." He runs his hand up my back for a second, pressing our sides together and before I can respond he's backing up and mounting with an ease I envy. "Now let's go."

I stroke Sgaeyl's nose one last time before moving away, back into Lía's leg. "Do you want to fly too, little one?" My dragon asks. "On our own?"

I'd like to fly as far away from here as possible—all the way to the border again so I can curl into Mira's arms—but I know that isn't on the cards for me right now. "Sure." I whisper quietly into her mind. "I'd like that."

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When Xaden knocks on my door that night, I don't answer.

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"I need you to tell me what to do." I murmur quietly, sitting on Sage's bed, picking at her blankets.

She sighs and when I look up, her hands are on her hips. "I can't tell you what to do, Rem." She shakes her head. "I think what's best for you right now and what's best for him right now, might not be the same thing." My eyes burn at that. "But I won't tell you what to do, because either way, it's probably going to hurt you and I don't want to be responsible for that."

I close my eyes, breathing in slowly. "There's only a few months left until graduation." I tell her.

"So you're going to let it destroy you for a few months and then...what?" She prompts. "See what happens after that?" I can tell that she thinks this was doomed from the start and maybe she's right but...I don't want to let it go.

"It might not even matter." I murmur, pulling my knees to my chest. "I might not manifest a signet power before then anyway and..." I trail off, making an explosion motion with my hands.

"Don't say that." She says tightly. "Just don't."

I shrug. It's always on my mind lately. It's hard for it not to be with the way my relic itches, power crawling beneath my skin, fighting to make its way to the surface. "Look, Remi." Sage sighs, "I know you don't want to lose him, but you only half-have him now anyway." She's not wrong.

I curl up on her bed, armoured already, and look down at the tiny blade on my finger. We're almost to the end of the squad battle now, about to go down and compete in the finals of the challenge portion in the gym.

Despite Violet's words the other day, we hadn't had time to practice the Gauntlet and I'd nearly had a panic attack at the bottom in front of everyone. It was only the brush of shadows against my torso, slipping up my neck and under my hair that had calmed me enough to even try. I hadn't been the fastest up there, still needing time to settle myself between each obstacle but at least I hadn't dislocated anything—and hadn't died. I suppose that's important.

I more than made up for it in the sky race though. Lía and I flew through the obstacles, ringing in one of the fastest times of the lot, coming in third and I have no doubt people are wondering how we did it. Only Violet and Xaden probably know we cheated and I assume they're not going to say anything. It's not like it's helped us out that much anyway. The loss of Liam has really hindered our squad, much to Ronan's dismay, and partnered with my slower time on the Gauntlet, I don't think there's any chance of us making it up the ladder.

When Sage and I enter the gym, we approach Professor Emetterio where we're each given a mat number and an opponent. Ronan follows Sage to her mat along with Penley, while Morgan and Ciaran follow me to mine. Sage and I are the only two who weren't knocked out the day before, by chance in my opinion.

When I reach the mat there's a woman waiting who I recognise as being from Third Wing. She's tall, but not particularly muscular and I crack my neck and roll my shoulders, getting ready. "Sorrengail." She nods. At least she's courteous, hopefully that extends to on-mat behaviour. I have a fine needle sitting between the fingers of my glove, ready to weaken her if need be. I'm aware that some others may consider this cheating, but I don't intend to ever fight without my toxins, even in the real world, so I don't really care.

I startle as a hand lands on my back and when I turn, Bodhi's voice is by my ear. "Good luck, Rem."

I smile genuinely, leaning into his side. "Thanks, Bodh." I haven't seen enough of him lately. We still train together often, but we don't have a lot of time to talk outside of that.

I glance around the gym, seeing who's still in this and who's not. Liam obviously is and so is Rhiannon so far, but Violet isn't, having had the misfortune to draw a particularly burly guy from Second Wing yesterday. Taking a deep breath, I step onto the mat, wishing I wasn't so unsettled by everything at the moment. It doesn't make focusing on the fight any easier.

There's no room for hesitation when the match begins, my opponent charging at me immediately. She attempts to sweep my legs out from underneath me but it's a move Xaden's done countless times and I easily jump into the air, out of the way of her foot. It's incredible, the difference in my combat skills now compared to even a month ago, I feel so much more capable, enough so that when my feet hit the ground, I go on the offensive, landing a direct blow to her chest.

She stumbles back, winded and I don't leave her even for a second, compounding her pain by kicking out at the back of her knee, forcing her to the mat. I wrap my arm around her throat, attempting to choke her out but she reaches behind her and grabs my arms, wrenching them away and then lands an elbow to my chest that has me falling to the mat.

"Fuck," I mumble, struggling to get enough air into my lungs. The room is spinning and I roll to the side, out the way of the foot she aims at my throat. I force myself to my feet, my vision darkening at the edges and spin to the side as her fist comes flying at my face. I'm on the defensive for the next few minutes until finally I see an opening and launch myself toward her, slamming into her with my shoulder.

Is it graceful? No. Does it work? Yes. I can tell she's struggling with the micro-dose of neurotoxin my first hit delivered into her system and when I get her on her back I waste no time in throwing my forearm into her throat, pushing down as hard as I can. "Yield." I say, panting hard.

She resists for a moment, trying to buck me off and for a minute I think she'll be successful, her strength still far too much for my lower body weight, but then she folds, collapsing back into the mat with a wheeze. Her hand slaps the mat three times and I pull back, rolling off her as I try to shake the stars from my eyes.

"Good job, Rem." I grasp the hand in front of my face, allowing Bodhi to pull me to my feet. He claps me on the shoulder as Morgan and Ciaran join him, offering their own taps to my back.

"Hey, Sorrengail!" I turn my head, finding the girl from before standing in front of me. "Good match." She holds out a hand and I eye it unsurely for a moment before reaching out and taking it, a small smile coming to my lips.

"You too." I offer, leaning into Bodhi's side as I sip my water.

When she's disappeared into the crowd, he pinches my waist, causing me to squirm away from him. "Look at you, making friends!"

I scowl, shaking my bottle so water flies into his face. "Shut up."

"Only Remi would make friends with someone by almost suffocating them." Morgan laughs, a grin on her face as she shoves me. We make our way back to the front of the gym where the rest of our squad is waiting, Sage wincing as she stretches her arm out.

"Did you win?" I ask her, a frown on my face and she shakes her head.

"You?" I nod, feeling kind of bad about it. It feels a little different to use my toxins when it's a competition and not just a fight for survival. Then again, it is just levelling the playing field—making their muscles as weak as mine—and there's technically no rule against it...that anyone's voiced to me anyway.

Matches continue to finish around us and the other squads in Fourth Wing slowly filter back to the front, awaiting the next round of challenges. Those who won, will be paired up again with each other and so on, until there's only two left. That should be two matches after this.

"We're in fourth." Ronan says softly and I spit out my water, coughing a little.

"Sorry, what?" My eyes are wide.

"You almost won the sky race and Morgan wasn't far behind. With the addition of the points you and Sage have won us so far...we're in fourth." I cough, still trying to clear the water from my throat.

"What about the Gauntlet?"

Ronan laughs. "You weren't that slow up the Gauntlet. You were penalised for the rope, but Ciaran's time more than made up for that."

"So...what now?"

"Now, you keep winning." Bodhi says, brushing a hand down my side. "I have to go, but if you need a little motivation—"

"No!" I cut him off immediately, my eyes blowing wide. "Things are rocky but not that rocky, gods."

His eyebrows hit his hairline. "Things are rocky?" He asks, confused. "I thought things were fine?" Before I can answer he continues, "and that's absolutely not where I was going with that, though thank you for eviscerating my ego as per usual, Rem." He says dryly, before lowering his voice. "I was going to tell you that I heard a rumour that the trip to the front lines the winning squad is going on, is to Montserrat."

My eyes widen and my heart starts to pound as I begin thinking through the possibilities. "Really?" My eyes fly over to my sister's squad and my chest tightens. I don't even know if Mira is there, given what Colonel Aetos said the other day, but if she is, shouldn't I give Violet the best chance to go? I've already seen Mira once since we started at Basgiath.

"No." Lía's voice rings in my mind. "It's not just your chance you'd be throwing away." My dragon says. "Is it fair to the rest of your squad that you put your sister's above them? Especially after they got Liam?" I suppose she's right, but I'll still feel awful about it if I end up getting to see my sister again and Vi doesn't.

"Remi?" Bodhi shakes my shoulder a little.

"Sorry." I apologise and try to smile at him. "Lía." I hug him one last time before sending him on his way. "I'll see you after." I tell him, still a little crestfallen that he can't stay. And for that matter, that Xaden isn't here.

As if hearing my thoughts, Bodhi leans in, whispering in my ear, "he's not allowed to be here. None of us are." And with that he takes off, leaving the hall.

"I have to go now too." Ronan says, drawing the rest of the squad's attention. "That's what I was about to say." He claps me on the shoulder once more. "Good luck, Rem. I'll see you all tonight." As he leaves the gym, I turn to the rest of my squad who are all eyeing the cadets left with suspicion.

"Everyone else's squad leaders are leaving too...and there's been no higher up leadership here this whole time." Ciaran says, confirming my suspicions.

"You think it's to do with the battle?" Penley asks, his voice low.

"Has to be." I frown, watching as Emetterio begins scribbling on his clipboard once more, the final matches just having finished.

"They do decide the final task, right?" Sage leans in. "Maybe it's to stop them from giving us any clues?"

The entire group turns to look at me as one.

"...what are you looking at me for?" I make a face.

"Oh I don't know," Morgan rolls her eyes. "The fact that our wingleader had a hand in deciding the task and he sleeps in your bed most nights." She says sarcastically. "We want to know if he's let anything slip, idiot!" She slaps me in the arm.

"No!" My cheeks heat up. "Of course not!" I shake my head. Honestly, if he were here he'd probably make me fight without toxins just to teach me humility. "And it's hardly going to matter if I can't score enough points here to keep us ahead!" I remind them fiercely, where we're still huddled together.

"How many more matches will there be?" Sage asks and it's Ciaran who answers.

"Three."

"That's not so bad," Sage says, but as she looks around the room at who's left, I can see the disappointment in her eyes. There are no easy opponents at this point.

"It's terrible." I tell her, deadpan. "How many points do you think the final challenge is worth if I don't make up any more here?" I start doing the math, looking to Ciaran when he closes his eyes, counting too.

"Not enough." He says tightly.

"Forget about that." Morgan cuts in. "Just focus on one fight at a time."

I shake my arms out as Emetterio begins to call the matches, trying to prepare myself. I can do this. I just need to beat whoever he calls as fast as possible so I can save my energy for the next two fights. I only need to beat three more people and then we stand a real chance of winning this thing. Then my squad can meet Mira.

"I just need to get a lucky draw and then—"

"Mat 6—" Emetterio calls, "—Remi Sorrengail and Liam Mairi!"

"Fuck!"

Chapter Text

💫      🐉      ⚔️      🔥     🖤

I turn towards my sister’s squad with dread, shaking my head at the shit-eating grin she has on her face. This is so unfair.

“Unbelievable.” Morgan mutters and I know the rest of my squad is thinking it too—he’s supposed to be ours. We’re already at such a disadvantage, Ronan and Penley the only non-first-years on our squad’s roll to begin with—we’re lucky we haven’t been subsumed into a larger squad as it is—but in a competition like the squad battle…

“Well…we had a good run.” Sage mutters and I elbow her in the gut.

“The least you can do is make it hurt.” Ciaran grumbles, tapping me on the shoulder and I sigh, readjusting my gloves.

“Fine.”

I follow my sister’s squad over to the mat, kicking my foot out at Imogen as I pass her for the stupid grin on her face. “Aw, Sorrengail, don’t be like that!”

I huff, crossing my arms over my chest. “This is bullshit.”

“Are you forfeiting?” Violet raises an eyebrow.

“You wish.” I turn to where Liam is waiting at the edge of the mat, holding his arms open with a laugh.

“Come here.”

I roll my eyes, letting him fold me into a hug. “Fucking backstabber.” I mumble and he barks out a laugh. “Don’t think I’m going to take it easy on you.” I tell him, stepping back.

He grins. “The way I remember it, I never had any trouble kicking your ass.”

I drop my pack beside Sage. “Yeah, well.” I roll my shoulders, carefully palming the needle in my hand. “The guy who taught you, teaches me now.” My lips quirk up a little.

“Aw, how cute.” He retorts and my cheeks flame.

“Shut up, before I make you.” I glare, pulling blades from my body to dump them at Sage’s feet.

“Uh, Remi…don’t you think you should keep those?” Morgan asks, looking pointedly from me, to Liam’s massive form where he’s already waiting on the mat. Our two squads watch—mine with amusement, his with shock—as I pull blade after blade from my person, leaving most of them aside.

“I can’t.” I huff, shaking my head. “It’s Liam.” I remind her petulantly. “I don’t want to melt the flesh off his bones or destroy his entire nervous system.” Presumably he’s going to have to fight again after this when he beats me, so it isn’t worth the chance of damaging him permanently.

Ridoc glances from me, down to the blades at my feet and back up again. “Sweet Malek.”

I leave the barbs in my hair—he knows better than to grab my braid by now. He knows everything—that’s what’s going to make this so damn impossible. He’s twice my size and knows all my tricks. I have to fight him like he’s Xaden…and I’ve never beaten him either.

I step onto the mat and I’d like to think about it like a training session, calm my nerves by imagining we’re just sparring, but that’s impossible—our idiot squadmates are already calling out things from the sidelines. “Kick his ass, Rem!” Morgan yells, “goddamn betrayer!” Yeah…this is a grudge match.

“I don’t know whether to be hurt by that.” Liam mutters, falling into a stance across from me.

“Well it certainly hurt when you abandoned us,” I joke thinly and before he can respond I’m flying across the mat, spinning to the side of him so I can slam my foot into the back of his knee. The same knee hits the mat and before he can get up, I scrape the needle across his nape.

He spins around, rising to his feet effortlessly, a hand slapping down on the back of his neck. “Did you just…?”

I smile innocently.

“Remi!” He groans, like he isn’t double my body weight.

“What?” I raise both eyebrows, “I have to have some fun.”

He darts toward me, well aware that he’s now on a time crunch and it’s all I can do to avoid his fist flying at my face. I duck underneath it, stumbling back away from his knee as he brings it up sharply toward me.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” I chant in my mind, dancing around him as he presses his advantage. Lía’s laughter echoes in my head and I beg her, “Tell Deigh to distract him!” I don’t care if it’s playing dirty.

A few seconds later, Liam frowns, faltering a little and I flat out laugh, catching him in the gut with my elbow as I slip around him to the other side of the mat where there’s more space. “Are you kidding me?!” He yells, much to everyone’s confusion and I shake with silent laughter, watching warily as he steps toward me again, clearly still distracted.

“Use whatever you have to your advantage.” I call, aiming a sweeping kick at his ankles. “That was the first thing you taught me.” I have to practically bend over backwards as his forearm nearly contacts my neck.

“Deigh’s meant to be on my side.” He protests, enlightening our audience and I hear Sage begin laughing loudly.

“Well you’re meant to be on my side, so I guess we’re even!” I say petulantly, avoiding a kick to the gut. I throw myself to the right, using my smaller frame to my advantage and jump; wrapping my arm around his neck from behind. The bastard isn’t even slowing down.

My forearm is at his throat, squeezing with all the strength I possess, and I feel just as useless as the day I tried to pull this on Xaden under the oak tree. I have a split second to think with dismay, he’d kill me for making this mistake again, before Liam’s reaching back and tossing me over his head, slamming me into the mat.

“Gods,” I groan in pain, trying to get air into my lungs. Of all the moves Xaden drilled into me for taking out larger opponents, that wasn’t one of them. I haven’t even reached for my blades, yet.

“Fuck, Remi are you—” My fist flies up into his cheek with a sharp crack and he groans, falling back.

“Does that count as having hurt him enough?” I turn my head to the side, panting.

“No!” Morgan roars. “Get up!”

I groan, hauling myself to my feet. When I look up at Liam he’s glaring mutinously, a bruise already beginning to form on his cheekbone. I hope it’s not broken.

“Remi,” he shakes his head, “I say this with love—tap out.”

I squirm, looking from him to my squad. “I can’t.” I complain.

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” He presses forward, his fist flying toward my face as he forces me back across the mat further and further. He’s learnt from his previous mistake and is planting himself firmly in the centre, not allowing any room for me to slip past and to his back.

I’m not really left with any choice but to try and go on the offence. I reach out, grasping the fist he throws towards me and pull, tugging with all my strength to try and get him off balance. I slip my leg around his, jerking it back as I push him to the side, forcing him to the floor in a move I’ve perfected on Xaden.

Of course, it becomes a little awkward immediately after when I’m sitting astride my best friend’s hips, because it’s a move I perfected on Xaden. My hand has already drawn a dagger free from my corset and I move it to his throat, struggling a little as he catches my wrist in his hand.

He bucks against me once, twice and just as I hiss at him, “I’m not Violet!” He forces the roll, slamming me onto my back again. I groan, dropping the knife as my shoulders throb.

“I’m very aware of that, thank you.” He rubs at his cheek, keeping a respectful distance between our bodies given that his hips are between my legs.

“Are you done?” He asks, his free hand hovering over my throat, like he doesn’t want to touch, given my history, but the threat is there, all the same.

“I’m done.” I sigh, letting my head drop back to the mat. “You suck.”

“Great.” He rolls to the side too, collapsing on his back. “What did you dose me with? Because everything’s getting a little hazy in here.”

I laugh, covering my face with my arm. “I’ll get you an antidote.” I force myself to my feet, stumbling over to my squad who meet me with pats on the back.

“It was an impossible task.” Ciaran says, as I dig through my pack. “Don’t worry about it.”

I find the vial I need to reverse the mild toxin I’d dosed Liam with and make my way back toward him, where he’s being congratulated by his own squad. He takes it gratefully and I pull him into a hug. “You have to win this thing now.” I tell him quietly, going onto my toes so I can whisper in his ear. “I don’t want to say anything and get her hopes up, but I heard the outpost the winning squad is visiting might be Mira’s.” I drop back onto my feet, giving him a meaningful look.

He nods, a smile spreading across his face as he looks at my sister briefly. “Does that mean you’re out completely?”

“I think so.” I nod. “I don’t think the final challenge will be worth enough points to get us up there.”

“I’m sorry.” He looks a little chagrined.

“It’s ok.” I shrug. “Who knows, I might find a way to go on the trip anyway.” I wink at him, because my mind has been plotting ever since Bodhi mentioned Montserrat. He laughs tiredly, shaking his head and I’m pulled aside by my sister who hugs me tight.

“Sorry, Rem.” She apologises, still smiling brightly.

“It’s ok.” I hug her back, closing my eyes. “I got lucky up until now anyway.” And it’s true, I had a lucky draw until Liam.

“You’ve worked really hard.” Violet refutes, squeezing me tighter.

We fall back as Emetterio begins calling matches once more and Imogen knocks me with her hip. “Good match.” The second-year’s lips curl up. “Don’t feel too bad, I don’t think even I could beat Liam without using my powers.”

“Well we know that.” I snip playfully, “you can’t even beat me!” I shove her back with my own hip, shaking my head. We have a…strange relationship now. It’s almost like forced proximity has made us friends of a sort. A weird, reluctant friendship, based on insults that is.

“Asshole.” She chirps.

“Bitch.”

Our two squads merge for the final bouts, watching Liam beat a woman from First Wing and lastly, a man named Mikael who he gets in an incredibly painful looking leg lock. I shudder, looking away with a wince. “Suddenly glad he was taking it easy on me.” I mutter, grimacing.

“Yeah…he’s not walking for a while.” Ridoc comments next to me, cringing as the man’s spine is forced into an untenable position.

“For Dunne’s sake, tap out already.” I murmur, glancing back and quickly looking away again. We’re pushed forward by a surge in the crowd behind us as he does just as I’d hoped, slapping his palm on the mat three times. “Finally.” My words are lost in the roar of celebration as Vi’s squad swarm the mat.

I’m somehow caught up in the middle of them, laughing awkwardly as Sawyer pulls me into a hug like I’m actually in their squad. I meet Sage’s eyes over his shoulder where she’s arm in arm with Rhiannon and we shake our heads. I don’t think Basgiath is meant to be like this. Like…I think you’re supposed to have less friends.

My heart clenches a little as I watch my sister lean up to kiss her boyfriend, smack dab in the middle of the gym in front of everyone. When she pulls away, I can’t help but smile at the adoration on her face and the way Liam pulls her close, looking down at her with the same expression on his. And Bodhi calls me a lovesick idiot.

“Your winner!” Professor Emetterio shouts, his voice ringing through the gym, quieting the celebration. “Liam Mairi from Second Squad, Flame Section, Fourth Wing!” I roll my eyes fondly as Liam puts up both hands in victory and turns in a small circle, cheering ringing out around us.

Commandant Panchek steps onto the mat, and Liam steps back to join the rest of his squad—and mine—sweat pouring off his skin. “I know you were all expecting the last portion of the Squad Battle to happen tomorrow, but the cadre and I have a surprise.” He has every single rider’s attention now. “Instead of telling you what the final, unknown task will be and giving you tonight to plan for it, your final task will begin this hour!” He grins, throwing out his hands and turning just like Liam had.

“Tonight?” Ridoc whispers.

“Did you not notice that leadership have been gone for ages?” I ask and his squad turn to look at me. “They left three matches ago.”

“Oh shit,” Imogen whispers, looking over the crowd herself.

“As you may have noticed, your squad leaders and their executive officers have been…shall we say, sequestered with your section leaders and wingleaders, and no, before someone asks, your task is not to find them.” He continues to walk in a small circle, addressing each side of the mat.

“You are to break into your squads and accomplish a unique mission this evening without the leadership and instruction of your squad leaders.” Damn, I think it would have been easier to find them. I would have just asked Lía to bug Sgaeyl. I can feel her amusement filter down the bond at the thought.

“Doesn’t that defeat the purpose of having squad leaders?” someone asks across the mat, as if there’s always going to be someone around to tell them what to do. There are so many stupid people here, I swear.

“The purpose of a squad leader is to form a tightly knit unit that can carry on with a mission after their demise. Consider your leaders…demised.” Panchek shrugs with a gleeful smile. Man, the guy is weird.

“You’re on your own, riders. Your mission is simple: find and acquire, by any means necessary, the one thing that would be most advantageous to our enemies regarding the war effort. Leadership will serve as unbiased judges, and the winning squad will be awarded sixty points.”

“That’s enough to put us into first!” Rhiannon whispers. “We could win the glory of going to the front!” And a lot more than that, if Bodhi’s right.

“What are the boundaries?” someone to the right asks.

“Anything within the walls of Basgiath,” Panchek answers. “And don’t you dare let me see you trying to haul a dragon back here. They’ll incinerate you out of sheer annoyance.”

“Lía would totally come.” I grumble into Sage’s ear and she laughs.

“Want to try it?”

“You have”—Panchek pulls out his pocket watch—“three hours, at which time we’ll expect you to present your stolen treasures in the Battle Brief room.” I turn, pulling on Sage’s arm.

“Let’s go.” I grab Morgan too as everyone stares at Panchek in silence.

“What are you waiting for?” Panchek he shoos his hands at the gathered crowd like its a flock of birds. “Go!”

Pandemonium ensues.

“Second Squad!” Imogen yells, putting her hands up. “Follow me!”

I don’t even look back as I drag my friends away, toward where Ciaran and Penley wait. “Let’s get out of here.” I tell them and before long we’re sequestered in my room, door firmly shut. “I know we can’t win this whole thing,” I start.

“But you’re a sore loser?” Sage cocks an eyebrow.

“Maybe.” I grumble, collapsing back on the bed. “But it’s more than that. My…” I take a deep breath, “my brother told me once that the squad battle is about more than just bragging rights. That the commandant, the professors, the commanding officers, they’re all watching, waiting to see who’ll rise to the top.”

“You mean…this could affect our future postings.” Penley surmises, looking nonplussed.

“That’s exactly what I mean.”

Ciaran sighs, shaking his head. “Ok then. What do we have in Basgiath that’s valuable?” He moves to sit down at the end of my bed, arching a brow as he picks up a leather jacket to remove it, revealing a wingleader patch.

“Um…” I stutter, snatching it from his hands to put it behind me, under my pillow. Everyone looks at me expectantly.

“What?” I sigh, exasperated. “You all already knew—”

“We’re waiting for you to come up with a plan.” Morgan cuts in, rolling her eyes. “Not for you to finally admit you’re in a relationship with Riorson.”

“Why am I the one who’s supposed to come up with a plan?” I look at her, affronted.

“We’ve heard you speak in Battle Brief.” Penley contributes, nodding his head.

“You’ve lived here your whole life.” Sage chips in.

“Hardly.” I mutter, shaking my head as I close my eyes, trying to think. “Start throwing ideas around.”

There’s silence for a moment before Sage says, “do you think there’s a way to secure the wardstone in Basgiath? Or any Talladium?” Talladium is the material we use to help extend them, so we’ve discovered in our recent excursions.

I think about it for a second. “No to the first. Aren’t they massive? And as for the second…would that really be so valuable?” I ask, “it’s not like they need to study it, they already know how to take the wards down.”

Morgan snorts, sliding to the floor beside the bed. “Not according to Devera.”

“Ugh, don’t remind me.” I mutter. They still haven’t admitted that the wards aren’t faltering on their own and it bothers me to no end. They’re six hundred years old, they’re not going to mysteriously falter on their own. “No we need something else,” I murmur.

“Something from the Archives?” Sage suggests and my mind goes right back to Markham’s office, the one Xaden told me never to break into again.

“But what?” I groan, tipping my head back.

“How would you even get in?” Morgan asks. “Isn’t everything locked and warded at night?”

I wave my hand at her. “What’s a little ward between friends?” She’s clearly unsure whether to take me seriously or not.

“It’s past seven.” She notes and I frown, looking at the clock.

“Oh.” Yeah, that’s out then. It had been close to that time when Sage and I had broken in, but not past. I’m more scared of falling, but I have no inclination to suffocate either.

“What about a scribe?” Sage suggests and Morgan and I look at each other with the same expression of confusion.

“What, like…a whole scribe?” Ciaran asks, laughter in his voice. “Just kidnap them?”

“It’s the best idea we’ve had so far,” I throw out, blasé. “If we can’t think of anything better…” I trail off.

“What is it?” Sage asks, looking at me expectantly.

“I don’t know if it counts as one thing.” I tell her, biting my lip unsurely. “But what if instead of one thing in Basgiath, we give them everything in Basgiath.”

“Remi…” Sage laughs, “you’re not making any sense.”

“A set.” I murmur, plans spinning to life in my head. “A set of uniforms—one from each quadrant, fully intact with ranks or name tags.”

Ciaran sucks in a sharp breath. “That would grant any enemy access to Basgiath, maybe even our outposts too.” He says. “No one knows everyone’s faces to check for infiltration.”

“So what do we do first?” Morgan asks, “how are we getting them?”

“The Healers first of course.” I decide, “then we’ll hit the Scribe Quadrant, Infantry and finally…here.” I throw myself from the bed. “Come on, let’s get down to the infirmary, we can discuss the rest on the way.” I shrug on my own jacket, looking wistfully down at Xaden’s before I shake myself, heading for the door and slinging my rucksack over my shoulder.

“Winifred will just hand me hers.” I say quietly, “that’s the easy part.” Sage nods, falling into step with me. “I assume I’ll be helpful for the others?” I smile, knowing the two of us could probably pull this off on our own.

“Morgan, how good are you at controlling your signet?” I ask, looking over my shoulder and she tilts her hand from side to side. Morgan has power over water. A relatively common signet, but one that can be useful.

“What about you, Ciaran?” I’ve never asked what his is.

He shrugs. “I’m fast.” I make a face. That’s it? I turn to look at Penley expectantly.

“Ice.” He shrugs. Great, so it basically is Sage and I on our own.

“Ok.” I sigh, rubbing my temples and we move as quickly as possible across the rotunda and into the tunnel to the infirmary. I’m not concerned with people seeing us yet, not until we’re out into the rest of the college.

I lead them all straight back to Winifred’s office, forcing them all into the tight space. “Remi…” She trails off, looking at me expectantly. “What are you up to?”

“I need one of your uniforms, with the name tag attached.” I smile sweetly at her.

“Why?” Her eyes narrow, but she immediately reaches for her pale blue outer robe, shrugging it off. Her rank is stitched into the outside shoulder.

“Squad battle.” I tell her. “We’re collecting useful things from each quadrant.” I say.

“Where are you heading next?” She raises an eyebrow. “Infantry?” I nod. “They’re all out camping, but I can point you towards Professor Conway’s quarters.”

I grin. “Love you, Win.”

“Love you too.” She rolls her eyes. “Come on.” I trot after her, leading the squad like a line of ducklings behind me.

By the time Winifred has helped secure us both her full uniform and that of the Infantry professor, a third of the time limit is gone. We creep down the tunnel into the Scribe Quadrant, the same way Sage and I had that night we infiltrated the Archives, but on a lot higher alert.

We already had to duck away from one other squad as we entered their dormitories, and as we hover behind Sage as she works on someone’s wards, I get more and more anxious, shifting from foot to foot. I wonder who laid them for them, considering they’re not capable of weaving wards themselves. Seems a little unfair that they must be standard issue, given they aren’t for us—and no one’s trying to kill them.

It’s so strange to think that I could have been sneaking in here this year to visit Violet. We’d not been on the best of terms, but I had made sure I knew the way from the Healers Quadrant to here years ago, assuming Violet would be living in these halls.

“Ok.” Sage murmurs and I turn toward the rest of our squad, handing off the two uniforms. “I think you guys should go and wait in Winifred’s office.”

Morgan looks like she’s about to protest so I roll my eyes, shoving the uniforms at Ciaran and Penley. “At least the two of you, we’re harder to hide as a larger group. Someone could walk down here any minute, you know.”

“Neither of you have signet powers.” Ciaran points out, looking between Sage and I. “Shouldn’t one of us stay?”

“Sage is good with wards.” I shrug, “and our stop after this is my mother’s office.” I give them a sharp smile. “So I’ll be needed. Besides, what’s a scribe going to do to us?” They look reluctant but after a few moments they nod in agreement, heading back down the tunnel.

Once they’re gone, I turn to Sage. “Think you can do three?”

“Yes.” She says definitively, reaching out to grasp Morgan’s wrist.

“Voila!” I grin as we all disappear from the naked eye, camouflaged into the dark shadows of the hallway, only dimly lit by mage lights.

“Wait, you’ve got a signet?!” Morgan cries and we both shush her, dragging her into some poor cadet’s room. Most of the first-years are down in the commons, so the hallway has remained empty, but that doesn’t mean we need to take any unnecessary risks.

“Don’t tell anyone.” Sage mutters. “It’s more useful when no one knows.” It’s come in handy numerous times already. We pause for a moment, making extra sure no one’s inside.

“You’ve gotten better at that.” I tell her. She’s been learning this all on her own, with no instruction from anyone and I’m so proud of her for it.

She moves straight for the scribe’s wardrobe, pulling out a cream coloured robe, and I rattle through the desk drawers, looking for the golden thread I know is there. Each patch that we’ve won so far this year, Violet has sewn into my uniform. She learnt how to sew years ago after asking our father about his robes and the little golden symbols sewn into them. Scribes don’t get patches, they’re required to stitch their status in themselves.

I hold it up victoriously, quickly trying to thread the needle in the low light. “I’m so sorry, but this is going to take some time.” I’ve watched my sister do it before, but I’m by no means an expert with embroidery.

“It’s just like stitching someone up, right?” Sage asks, handing me the cream robe.

“The basics, yeah.” I pull the thread tight. Given the seriousness of Xaden’s warning I’d decided against trying Markham’s second office in the Riders Quadrant and had convinced the rest of the squad we could make do with a forgery.

It takes me another half an hour, rushing through the motions to make this scribe cadet’s robes appear as Markham’s, his rank embroidered on the shoulder, but in the end I think I’ve done a pretty good job. It wouldn’t hold up to close, close scrutiny, but from a professional distance, it’s fine.

“Ok.” I drop the needle back into the desk drawer, trying to still my hands—they’re cramping from all that needlework. “Let’s go.” Sage reaches out for us both, camouflaging us as we head out into the hall, closing the door behind us.

When we make it out of their dorms and up the rise of the tunnel away from their quadrant we pause, panting for breath. “How much time do we have?” I ask and Morgan pulls out a pocket watch.

“Forty-five minutes.”

I grimace. It’s not exactly long. “Ok.” I stop for a moment to think. “I don’t know if my mother leaves her jacket in her office.” I tell them, feeling a bit lost. “She used to sometimes, but not every night.”

Sage shrugs. “We’ve got three. If we can’t get the fourth, that’s ok.” But my competitive nature flares.

“We should at least try, I guess.” Morgan says, leading the way, but as we get to the stone staircase that leads up to my mother’s office, I stop, swallowing hard.

“I haven’t been up here since she sent me off to die.” I whisper, gripping Sage’s arm tight as Morgan turns to look over her shoulder, alarmed. “It’s so weird now.” I tell them. “I don’t feel like the same person I was when Mira dragged me down here in July.”

Sage laughs. “That’s because you’re not.” She shakes her head, tugging me up the staircase. “You’re better.”

She utilises her signet before poking her head around the corner, leaning back to whisper, “one guard, no movement from the office.”

“Ok.” I grip her hand again. “We move as slowly as possible and once we’re close enough, Morgan you’re up.” We slowly inch our way down the hallway, stopping every few moments to make sure the guard can’t see us. We’re shuffling in single file, hands linked, along the wall as Sage concentrates between us.

The dimly lit hall helps camouflage the slight blur that’s usually still visible when Sage’s signet is in use and when we’re beside him at my mother’s office door, Sage unweaving the wards, I tap Morgan on the shoulder. Water spills from her hands, running down the centre of the hallway and we still, holding our breath as the guard frowns and then slowly strolls past us to investigate.

Quietly, I open the door, slipping into her office quickly and waiting for Sage and Morgan before I close it behind us with a soft click. We watch hesitantly as the guard’s shadow moves back in front of the door, but he doesn’t open it or seem to notice anything amiss so Sage sighs in relief, dropping the camouflage. “Gods, that was harder than Markham’s.” She mouths to me and a tiny blue flame flickers in her palm, just enough so we can see but not enough to alert the guard.

I move quickly to the back of my mother’s chair, shoulders sagging in relief as I find her jacket there, medals attached. Thank you Zihnal! My attention is quickly drawn down to her desk as Sage tugs on my arm, hovering the mage light closer. She’s reading letters I note with interest, glancing down at them.

General Sorrengail,

Protests regarding conscription laws are growing within the province of Tyrrendor. Knowing that due to Tyrrendor’s size, it provides the majority of our conscripts to replenish our front lines, we cannot afford to lose the support of the people again. Perhaps an influx of defensive spending on outposts here would not only bolster the province’s economy and remind the Tyrrish how needed they are to the defense of our kingdom, but also ease the unrest. Please consider this solution as an alternative to suppressing the unrest with force.

Sincerely, Lieutenant Colonel Alyssa Travonte

I tense at the implication that suppressing the unrest with force has already been discussed. “You don’t think…” Sage whispers in my ear, trailing off as she pulls back to look at me. I know what she’s thinking, that what happened six years ago, might be about to happen again. I don’t blame them, particularly—like Lieutenant Colonel Travonte points out, they do provide the largest portion of conscripts which means they’re impacted by the most deaths. I push the piece of paper aside, looking at the one underneath.

“Remi.” Sage breathes, picking up a dagger that was hiding beneath the papers. The same Tyrrish rune-encrusted dagger that I found in Markham’s office, that Xaden told me was important. I inhale sharply, jaw tense as she studies it.

“Put it back.” I murmur, Xaden’s warning ringing in my mind. It’s important enough that she’ll know it’s missing and she’s definitely about to find out we’ve been in here. She gives me a look that says I’ll be explaining later, but does as I ask, pushing it back underneath the papers as I pick up the second missive.

General Sorrengail,

The raids around Athebyne have spread the wing too thin. Being posted beyond the safety of the wards comes with considerable hazards, and though I am loath to request reinforcements, I must. If we do not reinforce the post, we may be forced to abandon it. We are protecting Navarrian citizens with life, limb, and wing, but I cannot adequately relay how dire the situation is here. I know you receive the dailies from our scribe attachment, but I would be remiss in my duties as executive officer of the Southern Wing if I did not write to you personally. Please find us reinforcements.

Sincerely, Major Kallista Neema

“This hasn’t been in Battle Brief.” Morgan whispers, reading over my shoulder. It certainly hasn’t, which is strange if the situation is as dire as Major Neema’s making it out to be. I wonder if that’s where Mira was pulled to—Colonel Aetos had said she was with the Southern Wing only weeks ago. Is she still there?

“That’s right by Resson.” Sage whispers in my ear pointedly and my eyes widen. So the area is being raided and so often that the outpost can’t hold them off adequately. We were right—whatever they want, maybe it can be found there, same as it could be six hundred years ago when Resson was the target.

Before I can look any further at the missives beneath it, there’s a shout from outside. “Get back here! You can’t be here!” We look at each other in alarm. I throw the general’s jacket over my elbow just as the door bursts open and my sister stumbles in, half of her squad following behind.

They haven’t even noticed us yet. “Bit noisy for an infiltration, don’t you think?” I hold my hand out, letting a larger mage light flare to life. Ridoc jumps ten feet in the air, clutching at his chest.

“Damn.” He mutters. “Did you beat us to the good stuff?” I laugh, shaking my head.

“Maybe.” I smile. “But since you’ve cleared the way, we’ll leave you to it.” Sage, Morgan and I head for the door, slipping out into the hall. “Good luck.” I pat Liam on the shoulder as we pass, smirking over my own like a shark. We wait until we’re on the stairs to take Sage’s hands again, not wanting to reveal her signet.

“Time?” Sage murmurs and Morgan pulls out her watch again.

“Twenty minutes.” Morgan says tensely.

“Run.” I order, moving as fast as I can, knowing I’m the weakest link, the slow one in our chain. It takes us another ten to get to the infirmary where Ciaran and Penley wait, the former tapping his foot in agitation.

“Did you get them?” He asks, jumping to his feet.

“Who do you think you’re talking to?” I pant, hands on my knees. I take the extra two uniforms and shove them into my rucksack I’d left in Winifred’s office, throwing it over my shoulders.

“Let’s go.” They walk almost too fast for me to keep up and I groan, stumbling after them across the rotunda and down the hallway to the Battle Brief room.

“None of you had to fight Liam today,” I complain, stumbling in after them.

“He went easy on you.” Ciaran shoots back, climbing the fucking stairs until we’re halfway up. We couldn’t just sit at the bottom? My eyes find Ronan’s in the back row and I give him a tired salute, collapsing into my chair.

“We didn’t even get dinner.” I huff, dropping my head onto the desk in front of me. I should have stolen something from Winifred on my way through.

“Winifred fed us.” Ciaran says cheerfully, as though reading my thoughts.

“Fuck you.”

Something tugs on my hand under the table and I jump, lifting my head to find shadows slinking between my fingers, running along my palm. My heart softens and I turn, looking around the back of the room until I spot the wingleaders in the corner. I smile slightly when I meet Xaden’s eyes but only for a moment—the room is full after all.

I begin to worry Violet’s squad have been caught or something, but they skid into the room just under the time limit, no doubt giving Dain a conniption. Kaori, Devera and Markham are at the front of the room with Panchek and they inform us that presentations are going to begin in order of squad, so I relax back in my chair, knowing just like the gauntlet, we’ll be almost last.

I watch as one by one the squads present their best findings, feeling better and better about our offering as time goes on. Even if we don’t win, we’ve made a better showing than some of these people and they have a lot more members and skill on their roster.

Sage and I burst out laughing as a squad in Third Wing drags a stunned, wide-eyed scribe, stolen straight from his bed and silenced up to the stage. The poor thing looks positively traumatised and I almost feel bad for him. I glad we didn’t also abduct a scribe, though I would have gone for Markham, myself.

Finally, they move onto Fourth Wing and it’s Violet’s turn. I push myself up in my seat, watching with rapt attention. I know whatever they have, it came from our mother’s office, but I have no idea what it might be.

Sawyer and Liam hold the top corners of a tapestry and as it unrolls I curse. “We should have thought of that.” I mutter, whacking Sage in the leg.

“I never saw it!” She protests and I laugh a little. We were too distracted by our own little mystery.

“What is it?” Morgan asks.

“It’s our troop strength, battlements, current movements…” I trail off. “It’s everything.”

“Damn.” She curses, dropping her chin into her hand.

Imogen nudges Violet forward and I have to laugh at the way Markham’s eyes flare wide as saucers as he forces himself to stand, followed quickly by Devera, whose mouth hangs so far open it’s comical. I wonder if there’s information on there that they’re covering up in Battle Brief.

Violet clears her throat and gestures to the map. “We have brought the ultimate weapon for our enemies. An up-to-date map of all current outposts of Navarrian wings, to include troop strength of infantry battlements.” She points to the forts along the Cygnisen border. “As well as the locations of all current skirmishes in the last thirty days. Including last night.” A murmur rips through the quadrant and I lean forward in my seat, looking to the bottom of the map where Resson should be—nothing.

“And how do we know this map is, in fact, current?” Professor Kaori asks with interest.

A large smile spreads across Vi’s face and she glances up at me. “Because we stole it from General Sorrengail’s office.” Absolute mayhem breaks out, some of the riders rushing the stage. My sister is definitely going to Montserrat.

“You’d better have a very convincing presentation planned.” Morgan whispers in my ear and I groan.

“Why me?” I just want to go to bed.

“You’re the leader.” She shrugs. “It was your idea.” I sort of want to complain that means I did the most work and therefore shouldn’t have to present, but I know in reality Sage did all the heavy lifting.

“It looks like it might be a while anyway.” I mutter. There’s only two squads that haven’t presented, including ours. “Do you think maybe we can just…go?” I ask a little miserably, slumping back in my chair.

The professors battle their way toward Violet and her squad and it’s another five minutes before the room calms enough for Tail Section’s first squad to present. When it’s finally our turn, I rise from my chair with a weary sigh, traipsing down the stairs after them. Vi gives me an encouraging smile on the way past and I take a deep breath, facing the room.

“We’ve brought a set of uniforms.” I say, to complete silence. The cadets in the first few rows look completely underwhelmed and a smirk touches my lips. They don’t get it. “This is the key to crippling Basgiath and therefore an essential part of Navarrian command.” I try again, getting a little more attention this time.

“This set represents the top levels of leadership in every quadrant at Basgiath.” I start pulling them out one by one, first Winifreds, then Professor Conway's, then Markham’s. “Oh, here, professor.” I toss it to him, “I may as well give it back now, I suppose.”

I think that almost might have shocked him more than Vi’s map reveal if the look on his face is anything to go by and laughter sounds throughout the room. A moment passes, then his eyes narrow. “This isn’t mine.”

“Hmm.” I smile, arching a brow. “It’s a good forgery though, right?”

He nods, begrudgingly and the glare he levels on me has me thinking about how glad I am I’d heeded Xaden’s warning and not gone anywhere near his office again. I shake it off, turning away from him.

“And finally…” I pull out my mother’s uniform jacket, shrugging it on in a flagrant violation of the rules. “I’ve promoted myself.” Sage and I high-five, laughing at the expression on Devera’s face. Ciaran shakes his head and I contemplate whether if I ask nicely, Xaden will trade him for Ridoc—he would have appreciated that.

I look up and meet Violet’s eyes, smirking a little. “With all due respect baby sis—”

“Two fucking minutes!” She calls, losing her cool.

“Yes, I beat you into the world and into mother’s office. Anyway, everything on that map can be changed.” I wave my hand. “All of that is useful right now, but what we have is the key to a large scale infiltration that can reap the benefits continually both here and at our outposts, without command ever realising where the enemy is getting their information from.”

As annoyed as she seems at the sight of my mother’s jacket on my body, Devera also looks captivated, like her mind is ticking over and she’s realising I’m right.

“Given that we can also infiltrate the scribes, we can control the flow of information Basgiath and command receive as well, from battlefield reports, to aid requests.” I shrug my shoulders. “Consider yourselves destabilised.”

“Does it count as one thing?” Markham questions, turning to Panchek where he’s watching avidly.

“A set is a thing.” I comment, annoyed. “But if you want it to be one item, I’ll take those robes back from you.” I shrug off the general’s jacket, feeling Sage shake with laughter next to me. It hardly matters what they think regarding the minute details anyway—it’s not as if we can win the whole thing—we’ve made an impression, that’s what counts.

They debate with each other under their breaths for a while before waving us away to sit down, leaving the stage free for the final squad to present. It’s very clear after that, that it’s going to come down to our squad and Vi’s and I’m at least a little proud that it’s going to be a Fourth Wing victory, either way.

Leadership deliberates for longer than is strictly necessary when it’s so late at night and when they finally return to address us all, they announce Violet’s squad as the winner. “While Fourth Wing, Flame Section, Second Squad and Fourth Wing, Tail Section, Second Squad, both presented compelling arguments, Flame Section’s squad provided an item that has both definite and immediate use. Therefore,” she continues, “they are awarded sixty points, putting them in first place.” They break out in cheers, excited for the prize they know is coming.

“Feeling a little under appreciated here.” I whisper mutinously, plastering on a false smile.

“They really don’t understand our brilliance.” Sage murmurs, shaking her head.

“Small minds.” I agree. “But hey,” I raise my eyebrows, “you wanna go on the trip anyway?”

She laughs, putting her head in her hand. “Of course you’ve got a plan to go anyway.” She rises from her seat. “How are you going to pull that one off?”

“I’m being dragon-napped.” I grin, following after her tiredly until we’re at the door.

“Make sure you pack for a week.” Devera is telling Violet’s squad. “We leave directly after formation.” She looks up as she notices me passing, waving me over with her hand. “I just wanted to say again, even if you didn’t win, how much you remind me of Brennan.” She looks at me and I wonder if it’s malicious or if she doesn’t know how much it hurts, being reminded of him.

“Thanks.” I answer anyway, smiling falsely as Violet squeezes my hand.

“We’re leaving tomorrow.” My sister informs me, “to a forward outpost.” It makes sense that it would be Montserrat—most of the others are too far for a bunch of first-years to fly to.

“Congratulations.” I hug her tight. “I’m proud of you.” She rolls her eyes, but I can see she’s chuffed. “I can’t wait to hear all about it.” A wicked grin slips onto my face and she eyes me with caution.

“What’s that look?” She asks quietly as we begin walking toward the doors.

“I don’t have a look.” I deny, trying to keep a straight face.

“You did!” Her eyes narrow. “What are you up to?” I grin as we reach the steps to our dormitory, taking them two at a time.

“You’ll see.” Is all I offer and when we reach our rooms, we immediately grab our things, heading for the bathing chambers. The hot water is heavenly on my aching muscles and when I finally get back to my bedroom I’m already feeling relaxed.

I walk in expecting to go straight to sleep, only to find Xaden sitting against my headboard for the first time in days. “Hi.” I say softly, tossing my things on the armoire, stripping back out of my armour. If he’s here I won’t need it and I can actually get comfortable. I kick my pants off, stumbling into bed in my underwear and a shirt.

This is the first time he’s let himself in. A couple of times he’s knocked and I haven’t answered, pretending I’m already asleep—I’m sure his shadows told him the truth of that, but he’s stayed away anyway…until now.

“Hey,” he says quietly, brushing a hand over my cheek. I close my eyes, leaning into him as I make myself comfortable, laying my head down on his chest. “I heard you got matched up with Liam.” I smile a little as he slides us down, placing his head on my pillow.

“Did you see the bruise on his face?” I murmur quietly, smiling into his skin.

“I did.” He chuckles. “Maybe he needs to brush up on his training.”

“Hey!” I protest, shoving him with my hand. “Don’t be mean.” I blink my eyes open. “I’ll have you know he won the whole thing, so technically I came equal second.” When I shift my head to look up at him, he’s smiling.

“I don’t think that’s how it works, but at least you came second in the other challenge.”

“Which we should have won.” I grumble, unable to help myself. “I honestly wonder about the collective IQ around here sometimes—they can’t even understand the benefits of long-term infiltration.”

He laughs again. “Don’t worry angel, I appreciated the idea.” His fingertip slips beneath my chin, tugging it up so he can press our lips together, kissing me softly.

“I’m sure you appreciated all of them,” I say when we part, raising an eyebrow.

He looks surprised for a moment before his expression turns guarded. “What do you mean by that?” He asks carefully.

I snort, dropping my head back onto his chest. “I heard the wingleaders come up with the final task each year—you’re trying to tell me you didn’t have a hand in this one?” I don’t bother looking up, he’s already given himself away. “It’s clever, I’ll give you that. I just hope you know what you’re doing.” And that no one else in this place is smart enough to figure it out.

I might not know what he and the others are up to, but I know they’re working against Basgiath in some way and he just used his position to have the entire quadrant brainstorm up the best weapons he can get his hands on before he graduates.

“It’s ok.” I pat his arm when he remains silent. “We can just go to sleep and pretend I’m oblivious.” I wrap my arms around him, intending to do just that. I nudge my leg between his, shuffling around until I can tuck my face into his neck. I kiss the skin there, closing my eyes in contentment. When his hand comes up to stroke over my hair and he holds me against him like I matter, I try to sear it into my memory, to savour the feeling.

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When I wake in the morning, dawn hasn’t broken yet—thankfully, because I still have to pack—and Xaden is still here, holding me close in the same position we’d gone to sleep in. He shifts, his arm falling to the bed as he wakes and I sigh, desperately trying to hold onto the feeling of being protected, cradled against him like I’m worth something.

A few minutes pass and I know we’re both awake, my shoulders tensing as I wait for him to slip out of bed—as I anticipate him leaving. “I’ve missed you.” I whisper quietly, savouring the heat of his skin on my cheek.

His voice is gruff with sleep. “We trained together two days ago.” We had, right before the squad battle started, for whatever that’s worth.

I go even quieter as I speak again. “I’ve missed being close to you.” I correct myself.

He shifts beneath me and when I look up there’s a frown on his face. “You haven’t answered the door.” He says, confused, like the two things are correspondent, like it’s unfathomable that we be close outside these four walls.

“Yeah, that’s…that tracks.” I swallow hard, pulling myself up and out of bed. I pad over to my armoire, quickly gathering my flight leathers while I try not to cry.

“What does that mean?” He asks and I have to take a second to steady myself, to push back the lump in my throat.

“It means you were right.” I say bitterly. “I should have listened to you and backed off when you said you couldn’t give me what I needed.” Because I’m fine with not being first choice, but I’m not ok with being nothing.

“What are you saying?” I still can’t look at him.

“I’m saying I don’t want to be your dirty little secret.” I snap, as I swipe up my corset and leave the room so fast I’m almost running, striding down the hall toward the bathing chambers before he can see me cry.

Chapter Text

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I stride across the flight field, heavy pack over my shoulders as I watch Lía swoop down to land next to Professor Devera’s Brown Clubtail. The moment my sister sees her coming she turns from where she stands at Tairn’s foreleg, a confused expression on her face.

“Good morning professor,” I smile brightly at Devera as she walks across the grass to greet me.

“Cadet Sorrengail.” She says unimpressed, folding her arms across her chest like she’s waiting for the headache she knows is coming.

“As it turns out, I’m coming with you on this little expedition.” I try to tone down my grin.

“No you’re not.” She says firmly, shaking her head. “You might have shared a womb with your sister but it’s time to detach.” She tells me. “You weren’t on the winning squad. You’re staying here.”

I laugh a little. “Well you see, I’d like to, really I would, but it’s not up to me.” She blinks, staring at me with frustration. “Did you know dragons gossip as much as humans?” I ask her, smiling, still. “They like to talk and as it turns out, my Lía heard that your little expedition was to the outpost her sibling is stationed at and she wants to go and visit. Since our bond is so new we can’t be parted, I’m just…along for the ride.” I shrug, plastering an innocent expression on my face.

She goes to respond and I interrupt her, saying, “It’s such an inconvenience, right? But well, who are we to come between their family?” I raise my eyebrows.

“No.” Devera flat out refuses. “Not happening.”

I remain silent, looking at her expectantly.

“That’s my final answer Cadet Sorrengail.” She shakes her head. “You’re dismissed.”

I pull my pack up higher, remaining in place. “Oh no, I got that.” I smile politely. “I’m just not sure why you’re telling me.” I let my eyes drift past her. Slowly, she turns, her eyes widening a little as she comes face-to-face with Lía’s maw, teeth bared.

“I’m sorry Lía,” I say out loud, trying not to let any trace of humour enter my voice. “She said no.” My dragon huffs, steam billowing out of her nostrils, blowing Devera’s hair back. Lía opens her mouth, curling her tongue and the professor backs up a step.

“She disagrees.” I translate helpfully, walking around Devera to pat Lía’s maw. She snaps her teeth together and I lean my hip against her mouth, eyeing Devera expectantly.

“To be clear, I don’t believe a word.” The woman says through grit teeth and I smile, shrugging my shoulders.

“Dragons, right? What can you do?” I pat Lía on the nose, making my way over to my sister’s squad, laughing internally at the expression on Dain’s face—I bet he’s contemplating how he can toss me over the border and leave me there.

“What are you doing?” Violet asks, exasperated.

I give her a shit-eating grin. “Have roommates already been assigned or can I make my case?” Liam shakes with laughter behind her back.

“You did not bully your way onto this trip.” She says, looking at me with dismay.

I pout, innocently. “Of course not.” Her eyes narrow. “Lía bullied our way onto this trip.”

“Remi!”

“So…” I ignore my twin’s outrage. “Roommates?”

She shakes her head. “We’ve shared a bedroom our entire life—I’m sharing with Rhiannon.” The dark-skinned woman herself merely looks amused by the entire situation, grinning as she glances between the two of us.

“That’s ok. Liam and I will share.” I wink at him, ignoring Violet’s outraged snarl. “Come on, sis.” I throw my arm over her shoulders, laughing at her indignation. “We’re going to have the best time, you’ll see.” Liam grins and I know he’s kept the secret so far. I really hope Mira was only moved temporarily and we’ll find her back at Montserrat.

“I can’t believe you won’t leave me in Liam’s care alone for a week.” She shakes her head and I snort at the equally offended look that crosses Dain’s face.

“Oh Vi, trust me, this time it actually isn’t about you at all.” I grin.

“Does Xaden know you’re coming?” She asks and the grin drops away.

I swallow harshly, turning my head to the side. “Does it matter?” I say evasively and before she can answer I turn and head back to my dragon, dashing up her foreleg and onto her back.

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“I’m pretty sure I’m dying.” One of Violet’s squadmates bends over, bracing her hands on her knees.

“I feel that.” Vi says, stretching her arms above her head. Personally, I feel much better this time than I had months ago, stumbling into the courtyard in the middle of the night, half-frozen. Even still, the base of my spine throbs, aching dully in tandem with my heartbeat.

I look around with curiosity, not having actually been close enough to see the fortress last time. Even the terrain looks different than the wooded mountain range by the border Lía had brought us down in then. I watch with interest as Dain and Professor Devera greet a tall man in rider black, who I assume is the outpost commander. “Welcome, cadets,” the commander says with a professional smile, folding his arms across the chest of his lightweight leathers. His face is gaunt and I can’t help but wonder if he’s been stationed here long—how much action is Montserrat truly seeing?

“I’m sure you’d all like to get settled and into something a little more appropriate to the climate. Then we’ll show you around Montserrat.” Rhiannon inhales sharply, her gaze sweeping over the mountains and Vi—Violet turns to me, mouth dropping open.

“Montserrat?” She asks. “Is that why you’re here? Is—”

“I don’t know.” I grip her shoulder. “But maybe.”

My sister thrums with excitement, a grin spreading across her face. She’s practically bouncing by the time we’re shown to our double-occupancy barracks rooms. There’d been a token protest from Dain about propriety when I’d made it clear I actually was going to be sharing with Liam, but I wouldn’t relent. I need to be comfortable enough to actually sleep with someone else in the room, after all.

“Thanks for agreeing to share with me.” I tell him, pulling a change of clothes out and stowing my pack underneath the bed. “I don’t know if I could have shared with anyone else.”

“That’s ok.” He says kindly, throwing an arm over my shoulders. “We can have some best friend bonding time.” He’s making fun of me and I know it, but I lean in to hug him anyway.

“I have missed our best friend time since you, you know, abandoned us and all that.” He raises an eyebrow and I chuckle at the bruise still marring his cheekbone. “I’m sorry.”

“I love how I keep taking the blame for that one while the real perpetrator gets away scot-free.” He says, shaking his head good-naturedly.

“Well I don’t know if it makes you feel any better, but I kicked him in the shin for it.”

A bark of laughter escapes him. “Somehow I’m sad that I missed that.” He shakes his head. “So uh…when you asked if it mattered whether Xaden knew you were coming, that was rhetorical…right?”

The lingering smile on my face drops away and I shift uncomfortably. “I mean…no?”

Liam freezes. “Remi!” He groans, closing his eyes as his face twists into a grimace.

“We had a fight ok?” I don’t even know if I can even call it that. There wasn’t really any fighting, just me trying not to break.

Liam looks horrified. “You had a fight and then you practically fled the province without a word?” That’s a bit dramatic. We’re still in Morraine province. Even if it’s at the edges.

“I think we might be over.” I admit quietly, pausing for a moment as I gather my things to close my eyes tightly.

“Rem…” He doesn’t know what to say. I don’t either, really.

“It’s stupid.” My throat tightens. “I’m stupid. I can’t believe I—I knew what it would be like, that it wouldn’t—that we wouldn’t have a normal relationship. I mean, obviously, it’s fucking Basgiath.” I shake my head bitterly. “I guess I just didn’t anticipate how it would make me feel.”

“How what makes you feel?” He whispers, wrapping his arms around me.

“Being a secret.” My voice shakes as it comes out in a whisper. Because keeping secrets is one thing, but keeping me a secret, that’s entirely another and somehow I didn’t anticipate it at all.

He crushes me to him, then. He tucks my head underneath his chin, holding me tightly as if the harder he squeezes, the less I’ll fall apart—like he can hold me together with his arms.

“It’s not his fault.” I say suddenly, into Liam’s neck. “I’m not—it’s my fault. It’s my fault.” He has so much on his plate already, I’m not going to ask for more. Even if that means it’s over. I just have to deal with that. Some people are incompatible and I—I need to be able to be myself, whoever that might be now.

“I’m sorry.” Liam whispers, like there’s anything to apologise for. I shake my head and take a few deep breaths, trying to steady myself.

“It’s ok.” I nod, forcing the tears back as I pull myself from his arms. “It’s ok.” I repeat it once more, as if saying it will make it true. I can’t remain in his embrace any longer or I really will fall apart. I take my summer weight clothes and try to smile as I head out the door to find the bathing chamber. “I’ll see you later.”

💫      🐉      ⚔️      🔥     🖤

After we all make our way through the bathing chamber to wash off the ride, I follow Rhiannon and Violet back to their room, lounging on my sister’s bed in my summer leathers and corset, armed to the teeth. “So I know why she’s nervous.” I jab my thumb at Violet, “but what’s up with you?” I raise an eyebrow at the other woman, waiting for her to fill us in.

Rhiannon’s hands tremble with what looks like nervous energy as she straps her sword to her back. “Do you know where we are?”

“Montserrat?” I answer promptly and Violet rolls her eyes.

“We’re about two hundred miles from the coast—”

“My village is less than an hour away on foot.” Rhiannon cuts in, a desperate look in her eyes. Her expression is pleading as she looks between us and Violet takes her hands, nodding.

Without her even having to speak the words we know what she’s asking. “That’s only a five minute flight, give or take.” I point out, before smiling sharply. “What’s a little illegal jaunt to visit family?” She probably thinks I’m talking about joining them on this expedition. Little does she know.

“Don’t tell anyone,” Violet says, her voice a whisper, even though we’re alone in the tiny room. “We have six days to figure it out and we will.” It’s a promise.

I’m startled off the bed by a pounding on the door, reaching instantly for my blades. “Let’s go, Second Squad!” Dain’s voice calls and I groan, re-sheathing them.

We join the others and Major Quade gives us the grand tour of the outpost. The fortress is basically four massive walls, filled with barracks and various chambers with turrets on each corner and a large, arched entrance that boasts a spiked portcullis that looks ready to drop at any second. On one end of the courtyard, there’s a stable with a blacksmith and armory for the company of infantry stationed here, and on the other is the dining hall.

I can’t help but think it all appears rather boring, for somewhere you have to spend nearly all of your time. I wonder then if this is where Xaden will end up if he and Violet can’t be separated too long. It’s the closest border post to Basgiath after all. My heart clenches in my chest and I shake off the thought of him.

“As you can see,” Major Quade tells us as we stand in the middle of the muddy courtyard, “we’re built for siege. In the event of attack, we can feed and house everyone within for an adequate amount of time.”

“Adequate?” Ridoc mouths, lifting his brows.

“A day.” I mouth back, pressing my lips together to keep from laughing. Dain gives us both a sour look and honestly, it’s that, that nearly sends me over the edge.

“As one of the eastern outposts, we have a full twelve riders stationed here. Three are out on patrol now, three wait, standing by in case they’re needed and the other six are in various stages of rest,” Quade continues and I look at Violet meaningfully, holding up two fingers crossed together.

The distinct roar of a dragon echoes off the stone walls and I can feel Lía’s joy radiate down the bond. “It’s her.” I tell Violet, a grin splitting my face as I squeeze her hand tight.

“That should be one of our patrols returning now,” Quade says, smiling like he wants to mean it but can’t quite find the energy. “So we’ll get you riders fed and put to bed, and then we’ll work on who you’ll be shadowing while you’re here,” Quade continues.

“Will we get to participate in any active scenarios?” One of the cadets asks, practically vibrating with as much excitement as Violet and I are.

“Absolutely not!” Devera snaps.

“If you see combat, then I’ve failed as this being the safest place on the border to send you,” Quade answers. “But you get bonus points for enthusiasm. Let me guess. Third-year?” He nods.

Quade turns slightly and smiles at three indistinct figures in rider black as they walk under the portcullis. “There they are now. Why don’t you three come and meet—”

“Violet? Remi?” Mira breaks into a run and Violet stumbles toward her, falling into her open arms. Mira sweeps her up, yanking Violet against her chest the way she had me, all those months ago and I let them have a moment, approaching slowly.

“Mira.” Violet buries her face in our older sister’s shoulder, closing her eyes as Mira smooths her hand over the very braid she taught us how to do. She pulls back for a second, her eyes running over Violet, looking for damage and I know she’s remembering the state I’d been in when I’d come to her after our attack.

“You’re alright.” Our older sister breathes. “You’re alright, aren’t you?” Vi nods and I can see her eyes filling with tears. Mira tucks her back into her chest and then she’s holding an arm out to me, her hand waving me forward and I fold my arms around them both gratefully, sinking into them. “Look at you two,” Mira grins, “you didn’t die!”

“You’re not an only child!” Violet yells back, descending into giddy laughter. Rhiannon snorts behind us, having been witness to that particular sentiment on Conscription Day.

“Sorrengails are weird,” I hear Imogen state and I roll my eyes.

“You have no idea,” Dain answers.

“Shut up, Aetos,” Mira barks and I tip my head back and laugh.

💫      🐉      ⚔️      🔥      🖤

Two days later I’m cringing as the door to our barrack room squeaks when I close it behind me, hoping it doesn’t wake Liam as I sneak out and down the hall, into my sister and Rhiannon’s room. They’re already dressed and ready when I get there, riding leathers and all my weaponry in place, prepared for battle.

I double check Violet’s daggers are all on her person as she and Rhiannon lead the way, climbing out the first story window. We’ve waited two days for Mira to be rostered an evening patrol shift so she’s not around to catch us sneaking out. Personally, I’m more worried about anyone else catching us, not our older sister.

“Are you ready and waiting, Lía?” I ask my dragon, tensing up as we sneak along the battlement wall, Violet at the front and Rhiannon in the middle while I take up the rear.

“Of course.”

I won’t breathe easily until I’m on her back and we’re out of here, past the edges of the outpost. I don’t know exactly what the punishment would be if we get caught, but I don’t want to know. Violet turns the corner of the battlement wall to head toward the field and suddenly stumbles backward into Rhiannon, practically bouncing off her. “Shit!” The dark-haired girl exclaims, steadying Violet in her arms.

“Don’t you at least check the corners?” My hand slips back away from my daggers as my older sister rounds the fortress, crossing her arms over her chest. She’s not exactly wrong, gods, Vi.

“In my defense, I didn’t think you’d be there,” My twin says slowly. “Because you’re supposed to be on patrol.”

“You were acting super weird at dinner.” Mira tilts her head to the side and looks from Violet, down to me, studying us for any tells the way she always used to when I got up to mischief as a kid. “So I switched shifts. Do you want to tell me what you’re doing outside the walls?”

We all remain silent and I bite my lip, trying to look innocent.

“None of you? Really?” She sighs and rubs the bridge of her nose.

“We were going for a walk?” I try, widening my eyes.

“No you weren’t.” Mira rolls her eyes. “Tell me why you three are trying to sneak out of a heavily fortified defensive position. Now.”

Violet looks to Rhiannon. “She’s going to figure it out anyway. She’s a bloodhound with stuff like this. Trust me.”

Rhiannon tilts her chin. “We’re flying to my family’s house.”

Mira blanches. “You think you’re what?”

“We’re flying to her village. It’s like a five-minute flight, according to Tairn, and—” Violet starts.

“Absolutely not.” Mira shakes her head. “Nope. You cannot fly off like you’re on vacation. What if something happens to you?” She looks between us. “This is the kind of shit I expect from Remi, but you Vi?” She throws her arms up and I grin proudly.

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“It’s not.”

“You think something’s going to happen to us at her parents’ house?” Violet challenges in that slow and careful way she approaches everything. “Because there’s some major ambush planned on the off chance that we might just be dropping in?”

Mira’s eyes narrow.

“We’d be in less danger visiting her parents than we are at Basgiath?” I offer cheerfully, raising my eyebrows.

Mira’s lips purse. “Fair point.”

“Come with us,” Violet pleads. “Seriously. Come with us, Mira. She just wants to see her sister.” Mira’s shoulders dip. She’s softening, and Vi mercilessly goes in for the kill. “Raegan was pregnant when Rhiannon left. Can you imagine not being there with me if I had a kid or if Remi did? Wouldn’t you do anything, including escape a heavily fortified defensive position, if that meant holding your niece or nephew?”

I shudder at just the thought. Me? With a child? A picture appears in my mind then, of a toddler with my eyes and tawny skin, dark hair falling—nope. No. Not even thinking about it. I don’t like children at any age, it’s a definite no from me. And that? That would never happen.

“Besides,” Violet continues her argument as I push the thought to the side, “with the hero of Strythmore at our side, what could possibly go wrong?”

“Don’t even start with that.” She looks at me, then Rhiannon, then back at Violet before groaning. “Oh, fucking fine.” Her finger comes out swinging when we all grin like children. “But if you even think about telling anyone, I’ll make you regret it for the rest of your natural life.”

“She means it,” Violet whispers and I snort.

“I believe it,” Rhiannon answers.

“You’re here two days and already breaking the rules,” Mira mutters. “Come on, it’s quicker to cut down this path.”

An hour later, Mira, Violet and I are stretched out on the cushioned benches that flank both sides of the dining table at Raegan’s house, watching Rhiannon rock her nephew by the fireplace, lost in conversation with her sister as her parents and brother in-law look on from the nearby couch. Watching them reunite was worth the risk.

“Thank you for helping us.” Violet glances over the table at Mira.

“You would have done it with or without me.” Her smile is soft as she watches the family, curling her hand around the pewter mug of wine Rhiannon’s mom was kind enough to bring earlier. “Figured at least this way I’d know you’re safe. What other rules have you broken, sis?” She sips her drink and cuts a look our way.

“Not as many as Remi.” Violet throws me to the wolves and I shrug, Mira already knows about most of them.

“Don’t sell yourself short, sis.” I rib her. “You’ve gotten pretty good at poisoning your opponents before challenges.”

“As if you’re any better!” Violet cries. “You poisoned Liam just three days ago instead of fighting fair!”

“Oh please.” I roll my eyes. “Poisoning him didn’t even level the playing field—he’s still twice my damn size and built like a bull. He wiped the floor with me.”

“Yes, about that,” Mira begins, a predatory look in her eyes. “I’ve heard some things about him.” She raises an eyebrow at Violet and my sister shoots a glare my way.

“Oh come on,” I tease her. “You don’t want to tell Mira all about him?” Mira’s met him already of course, having come to investigate when she found out I was sharing a room with a man and not one of the other female cadets. I’m pretty sure if I hadn’t told her all about him before when I came to visit—and if he wasn’t dating Vi—she would have flat out refused and made me move rooms. Thankfully though, even my older sister isn’t immune to the blond’s charming personality.

“He’s—he’s perfect.” Violet says, her face settling into a glare. “I’m not going to sit here and gush about him.” She settles back into the unaffected mask she’s been wearing less and less over the last few months. “And in any case, I’m sure Mira would rather hear about your boyfriend.”

I suck my lower lip into my mouth, biting down hard. “I don’t have a boyfriend.” I tell her honestly, picking at Reagan’s dining room table. Violet frowns, looking at me in confusion. “I don’t know.” I shrug. “I’m not—it wasn’t…”

“Did you break up with Xaden?” She interrupts and Mira tenses beside me.

“I don’t think there was anything to break up.” I tell her, shrugging my shoulders again. It’s not like we ever talked about what we were or what we were going to be.

“You were dating Riorson?” Mira asks softly, her hand coming to rest on my forearm.

“For months now.” Violet tells her, frowning.

“I mean…maybe?” I don’t really know what to say. “When we’re alone.” My tone is self-deprecating.

“Remi…” Violet rounds the table, squatting down so she can put her hands on my knees.

“I just—I know it’s dangerous. I know that.” I struggle to get the words out, to make sense of my thoughts. “And whenever we’re together he’s perfect. He’s always perfect. But I um—” My throat closes over and I take a deep breath, trying not to cry. “I’ve realised I don’t think I can be the girl whose partner doesn’t touch them in public, won’t kiss them in front of anyone.” I steady myself as my eyes water.

“And I feel so stupid, right? Because I’m the one who’s been pushing him. Who’s told him all along that I know what I need. But now I’m so…so insecure, that I don’t think I can survive like that—always feeling like I’m not enough. Like I’m not worth someone going all-in.” I can’t give him all of me and only get a fraction of him in return.

“There’s no shame in admitting you were wrong, Remi.” Mira says quietly. “It’s ok to change your mind.” I look up at my older sister desperately. Of course there’s not, but that would mean letting him go and I don’t know if I can do that either. And it’s my failing, not his. I’m the one who can’t just accept that someone likes them without showing it off to everyone else. The one who needs constant reassurance.

“Have you asked him about it?” Violet says quietly, squeezing my knee gently. “He’s still a man, you know. Sometimes they need things laid out for them.” I snort, a tiny burst of laughter escaping me. I wonder what she thinks she’s seen that I haven’t. Xaden isn’t the kind of person for reassurances, he’d sooner see it—me—as a weakness.

“I don’t know that he’s ever cared about me as much as I care about him.” I finally voice the thought out loud. I’ve always known it, deep down, I just thought I could live with it. But my stupid, selfish, traitorous heart wants more—I can’t ever just be happy with what I have. I guess it’s true what they say—love makes people stupid.

“That’s not true.” Violet argues. “Maybe he doesn’t show it the way Liam does, but he does care. Look at the blades he had made for you. Look at the ring on your finger.” My eyes drop to the talon resting over my glove. I know that he cares, I don’t doubt that. I just don’t think he cares in the way I do—it consumes me, what I feel for him.

“He had that made for you?” Mira asks, reaching out for my hand. I nod my head, curling my hand into a fist to show her how it moves. “It’s beautiful.” She says softly, running her finger over the blade.

“Anyway, it doesn’t matter.” I wipe my eyes. “It’s not anyone’s fault.” I tell them. “What’s best for me and what’s best for him just might not be the same thing at the moment and that’s…that’s life.” I repeat Sage’s words, attempting to make myself feel better. “Can we talk about something else?”

“Sure.” My twin says softly, rising to take the place beside me, wrapping her arm around my waist. “I want to know how that happened.” She motions to the vicious scar on our older sister’s neck, changing the subject completely.

“A gryphon,” Mira answers, still watching me worriedly. “Near the village of Cranston about seven months ago. Thing came out of nowhere in the middle of a village raid. The wards went down, and usually my signet gives me a little immunity from the enemy wielders, but not their fucking birds. Took the healers hours to stitch me up. But it gave me a pretty cool scar.” She tilts her chin to show it off. It’s a story I’ve already heard, but it’s new to Violet.

“Cranston?” My twin asks. “We never learned about that one. I…”

“You what?” Mira takes another drink, sharing a glance with me.

“I think there’s way more going on along the borders than what we’re told,” Violet admits quietly, almost as if she’s afraid of getting in trouble for even uttering the words.

Mira lifts her brows. “Well, of course there is. You don’t expect Battle Brief to relay classified information, do you? You know better than that. And honestly, at the rate our borders are being attacked, they’d have to devote all day to Battle Brief in order to dissect each assault.”

“That makes sense. Do you guys get all the information?” Violet asks and I listen carefully, curious about the answer.

“Only what we need. Like, I could have sworn I saw a riot of dragons across the border during this attack.” She shrugs. “But questions about secret operations are above my pay grade. Think of it this way—if you’d become a healer Rem, would you need to know the details about everyone else’s patients?”

I shake my head. “No.”

“Exactly.”

My mind spins over the implications. Could Sage and I have been right? What if there is another enemy coming for us and that enemy has their own dragons? “Were you moved to the Southern Wing last month?” I ask suddenly, unable to keep it in anymore. “Athebyne?”

Mira looks at me sharply. “Now where would you have heard that?”

I meet her stare evenly. “Dain’s father said he’d seen you when he was touring the Southern Wing and I know the outpost at Athebyne has been getting hit hard—that they’re beyond the wards now.”

Her eyebrows raise. “They tell you that in Battle Brief?”

“No.” I don’t explain.

Mira sighs, tucking a leg underneath her. “Yes, I was briefly stationed at Athebyne for a month or so before they moved me back here. Honestly, they are getting hit hard, but they needed me here, so I was moved back. I’ve been getting moved around a lot actually, you’re lucky to have caught me here twice.”

“Where were the attacks centred?” I ask. “Resson?”

“Some.” She answers warily. “Why?”

“Remi…” Violet’s brow furrows. “What’s this about?”

I bite my lip. “I think whatever they’re after, we’d find it at Resson.”

“Why?” Mira frowns. “It’s a small town.” She says, “not much there besides the trading post and the mine.”

“The mine?” My eyes sharpen.

“Yeah, there’s a mine running beneath the entire town.” Mira explains.

“What do they mine there? Talladium?” My heartbeat quickens.

My older sister leans back, a line appearing between her brows as she says slowly, “I don’t know…gemstones maybe? I never asked.” I slump back in my seat, wanting to scream.

“Why do you think whatever they’re after is there?” Violet asks. “And for that matter, what makes you think they’re after something other than just more of the resources we already give them. Maybe they just don’t want to trade fairly anymore.”

“Come on, Vi.” I shake her arm. “You were there that first week in Battle Brief.” I tell her. “You’ve been there every week since!” I sigh. “They’re after something in particular, I know it.” I tap the table with my fingers. “And figuring out what they’re after, could be the key to stopping them.” I explain. “As for Resson, it’s where the first known gryphon attack occurred after our wards went up one year after unification.” I tell her.

“So you think whatever’s in those mines is what they’re after?” Mira asks and I shake my head.

“I don’t even know anymore. I just know I don’t want to be deployed to fight for or against something I don’t understand.”

“That’s just how it works, baby sis.” Mira says sympathetically, knowing neither of us chose this.

Our conversation stalls for a minute as we watch Rhiannon kiss her nephew’s perfect chubby cheeks. “I’ve never seen a family this happy,” Violet admits. “Even when Brennan and Dad were alive, we weren’t like…that.”

“No, we weren’t.” A sad smile curves Mira’s mouth. “But I can remember plenty of nights we spent curled around the fire with dad and that book you love.”

“Yeah.” Violet smiles a little. “Thank you so much for saving it for me. I was so excited when Remi brought it back.”

“I mean, whatever would you do if you forgot a minute detail of how the gallant riders took out the army of wyvern and the venin who sucked the land dry of magic?” Mira teases.

My brow furrows. “What’s a wyvern again?”

Violet sighs like I’m the worst person in the world. “Like a dragon, but bigger and with two legs.” She explains. “Remember? They eat people?”

“Oh yeah.” It suddenly comes back to me. To be fair, I hated half of those stories, so I never paid too much attention to them when dad was reading.

“I know they’re just stories,” Mira says, “but I never used to get why the villains would choose to corrupt their souls and become venin, and now…” She frowns.

“Now you empathize with the villain?” Violet teases.

“No.” Mira shakes her head. “But we have the kind of power people would kill for. Dragons and gryphons are the gatekeepers, and I’m sure that to someone jealous enough, ambitious enough, risking a soul would be a fair price for the ability to wield.” Her shoulders rise as she shrugs. “Just makes me glad our dragons are so discerning and our wards keep the gryphon riders at bay. Who the hell knows what kind of people those furry creatures choose?”

“To be fair, we’re risking our lives to wield.” I remind her. “Violet and I could go ‘poof’ any time now.”

My twin looks at me with disdain. “Yes, thank you so much Remi, for the reminder.”

“You’re welcome.” I shrug.

We stay another hour, until we know we’re risking exposure if we stay a minute longer. Then Mira, Violet and I give Rhiannon some privacy to say goodbye to her family and head out of the house into the humid night.

“Have you been stationed with any riders of mated pairs?” Violet asks Mira as I close the door behind us.

“One,” she answers, her eyes narrowing on the darkened path in front of the house. “Why?” I tense up as she does, closing my fist so the blade on my ring extends out like a talon.

“I’m just wondering how long they can be separated.” Vi responds.

“Turns out, about three days is their max.” Xaden steps out of the shadows and I freeze, all the air leaving my lungs. He’s wearing his riding leathers, his hair windswept, and his eyes skip over Violet and Mira, narrowing as they land on me. “Hello angel. Nice to see you’re alive and well.”

I swallow hard. “Bit dramatic don’t you think?”

His jaw tenses. “You’re kidding, right?” He steps toward me. “You don’t think maybe you could have mentioned you were planning on flying six hours to a forward outpost?” He grits his teeth and it’s almost like old times, the way he’s looking at me with fury and frustration in his eyes.

“It was a last minute decision.” I tell him, shrugging my shoulders.

“Who’s lying now?” He shakes his head, crossing the distance between us in three long strides. Mira lurches as if to get between us but before she can, he’s pulling me into his arms, tucking my head beneath his chin as his hand comes up to cup the back of my hair, holding me tight.

Despite everything, I melt into his arms, sinking into the safe, protected feeling I can only ever find with him. “Don’t do that to me again.” He orders. “You can’t just disappear—” He cuts himself off, a quiet noise escaping his throat.

“I’m sorry.” I whisper, wrapping my arms around him. “I was upset.”

“I got that part.” He says dryly. “It’s everything else I don’t understand.”

“What’s there to understand?” I ask bitterly. “I want to be able to touch my—my partner in public and not have him tense up beneath my hands.” I step back, bringing my arms around my waist to hug myself. “I don’t want to feel like I’m not good enough.”

The hard, frustrated expression on his face never wavers and there’s a tick in his jaw as he looks down at me. “It doesn’t have anything to do with you not being enough.” He says. “You know why—” He stops again, glancing to the side where I know Mira is standing. “You know what, we’re not doing this here.” He shakes his head.

What? Like we can’t even talk in front of people now? He must read it on my face because he sighs frustratedly and then his hands are on my jaw and he’s kissing me. My eyes flutter shut as his fingers thread up into my hair and his lips drag over mine, his teeth just barely tugging at my lower lip as he pulls away.

“We can talk about it when we’re back at Basgiath. We’re not arguing in potentially hostile territory.” I don’t know if he’s referring to our position near the border or Mira’s presence, but I agree anyway, winding my fingers through his at my side, holding tight. I wait tensely for a moment for him to pull away but he doesn’t, leaving our hands tangled together as he turns, looking at my sisters expectantly. It feels almost like an apology.

Rhiannon walks out the door then, blinking in surprise at Xaden’s presence outside her sister’s house. “Hi…” She says cautiously, looking between us all.

“We’d better get going.” Violet says, striding past us towards the copse of trees where our dragons wait. Mira looks Xaden up and down just once, her eyes narrowing on the rebellion relic climbing up his neck before she follows my twin, not saying a word.

“Tough crowd.” Rhiannon mumbles as she walks past us too, gently clapping me on the shoulder as she goes.

Before I can move to follow her, Xaden pulls me back, his hand still tangled with mine. Ever-so-gently he brings his free hand up to caress my cheek, his fingertips smoothing over my skin. “Angel, I just want you to be safe.” He whispers imploringly. “I have so many enemies already.”

“I know.” I lift my chin, keeping my lip from trembling. “But I’m the strongest I’ve ever been Xaden.” I tell him gently. “And hiding this makes me feel small.” He sucks in a sharp breath, looking down. I watch his eyelashes flutter as he blinks rapidly, wrestling with some kind of emotion. When he finally meets my eyes again, I can see the hurt I feel in my chest, reflected in his gaze.

“I can wait until we’re back.” I tell him softly. “It’ll keep.” He nods and I can visibly see him pulling his walls back up, making sure no hint of turmoil shows on his face to anyone else.

“Come on,” I murmur, leading him slowly to the clearing where Violet’s already mounted Tairn. Despite the way the air between us is filled with lingering tension, I’m steadied by his presence at my side. “Now that you’re here, my roommate might not kill me when he inevitably catches me sneaking back inside in the middle of the night.” I have no doubt Liam’s woken at some point tonight and realised I’m not there. He’ll almost certainly have deduced that Violet’s snuck out too and he won’t be impressed.

“He?” Xaden glances down at me tersely and I snort.

“Liam.” I roll my eyes. “Who else?”

His expression softens slightly. “I’ll leave you to his mercy.” He says, reaching out a hand to stroke Lía’s maw where she’s placed her nose in our path. “You shouldn’t have snuck out.”

“Because you’ve never snuck out and gone somewhere you’re not supposed to before.” I murmur lowly, my lips quirking up as his eyes narrow. “Let’s go.” I finally pull away from him, backing up so I have enough of a run-up to get past Lía’s foreleg and onto her back. “I want to at least get some sleep tonight.”

He waits until I’m in the seat before mounting Sgaeyl effortlessly, in that powerful, easy way that I envy. Our issues are far from resolved, but there’s a tiny spark of hope unfurling in my chest, flaring to life as I wonder if maybe, maybe he cares enough to bend, just a little.

Chapter Text

💫      🐉      ⚔️      🔥      🖤

“So all we do is wait for something to happen?” Ridoc asks the next afternoon, kicking his feet up at the end of the wooden table that runs the length of the briefing room.

“Yes,” Mira says from the head of the table, then flicks her wrist and sends Ridoc flying backward. “And keep your feet off the table.”

He clambers back into a seated position shaking his head. “And I thought she was the short-tempered one.” He waves a hand at me and I bark out a laugh.

“Oh she definitely is.” Violet says from beside Liam. One of the Montserrat riders laughs, changing the markers on the large map taking up the stone wall in the curved, windowed room we’re seated in. It’s the highest turret in the outpost, offering unmatched views of the Esben mountain range around us.

We’ve been split into two groups for the day. Rhiannon, Sawyer, Cianna, Nadine, and Heaton spent the morning with Devera here, studying previous battles at the outpost, and are now out on patrol.

Dain, Ridoc, Liam, Emery, Quinn, Violet and I spent the morning on a two-hour flight around the surrounding area, with one more tagalong—Xaden. The addition of another extra rider made the groups uneven enough that I probably should have gone with Devera, but honestly I think she was just glad to be rid of me for a while.

Not going to lie though, I kind of wish I could just go and curl up in mine and Liam’s room now and avoid this whole experience altogether. Dain’s been glaring at Xaden and making snide remarks all day and it’s getting on my nerves. Mira’s also been keeping a watchful eye on him at all times and I can’t for the life of me tell if she’s angry he upset me or if she thinks he’s up to something. He’s taken the seat next to me, halfway down the long table in the centre and his shadows have been brushing against my legs ever since we sat down.

“Consider this your Battle Brief,” Mira continues and I snort. I hope it’s more interesting than our usual classes. Dain sends me a glare and I lean back in my chair, miming a zip closing over my lips. Ridoc giggles.

“This morning was about a quarter of the patrol we’d regularly fly, so normally we’d just be getting back about now and reporting our findings to the commander. But for the sake of killing time, since we’re in this room as the reaction flight for this afternoon, let’s pretend we’d come across a newly fortified enemy outpost crossing our border”—she turns to the map and sticks a pin with a small crimson flag near one of the peaks about two miles from the Cygnisen borderline—“here.”

“We’re supposed to pretend it just popped up overnight?” Emery asks, openly skeptical and my shoulders shake as I laugh silently. Mira’s going to fucking hate this, they’ll drive her insane. She’s never had the patience to teach, that was all Brennan.

“For the sake of argument, third-year.” Mira narrows her eyes on him, and he sits up a little straighter.

“I like this game,” another one of the Montserrat riders says from the end of the table, lacing his fingers behind his neck.

“What would our objective be?” Mira glances around the table, noticeably skipping Xaden. She still hasn’t said a word to him and I’m annoyed she’s making such a bad first impression.

“Aetos?” Dain startles from where he was glowering across the table at Xaden and turns to face the map.

“What type of fortifications are there? Are we talking a haphazard wooden structure? Or something more substantial?” At least it’s a decent question.

“Like they had time to build a fortress overnight,” Ridoc mutters. “It has to be wooden, right?” I can’t help it, I laugh aloud.

“You are all so fucking literal.” Mira sighs and rubs her thumb over her forehead. “Fine, let’s say they occupied a keep that’s already established. Stone and all.”

“But the civilians didn’t call for help?” Quinn asks, scratching her pointed chin and I shake, sliding down in my chair as I try and contain myself. “Protocol calls for a distress signal this far into the mountains. They should have lit their distress beacon, alerting patrolling riders, at which time the dragons on patrol would have told all available dragons in the area. The very riders in this room would have mounted first as the reaction force and the others would have been woken from their rests, allowing the riders to prevent the loss of the keep in the first place.”

Mira scoffs and braces her hands on the end of the table, staring us all down. “Everything you’re taught at Basgiath is theory. You analyze past attacks and learn those very… theoretical combat maneuvers. But things out here don’t always go according to plan. So why don’t we talk about all the ways things can go sideways, so you’ll know what to do when they do, as opposed to arguing that the keep shouldn’t have fallen?” The girl shifts her weight uncomfortably under Mira’s attention and I feel a lick of sympathy for her. If either of my siblings is as acerbic as me in cutting people down—it’s Mira.

“How many of you have been called out as third-years?” Mira stands straight, folding her arms over her black leathers and the strap that holds her sword to her back. Emery and Xaden raise their hands, though Xaden’s is barely a gesture.

Dain looks like his head is about to explode. “That’s not correct. We’re never called into service until graduation.”

Xaden presses his lips in a tight line and nods, giving him a sarcastic thumbs-up. “Yeah, all right.” That sets me off again and I end up covering my face with my hands, dropping my head onto his shoulder as I laugh silently.

Emery laughs. “Just wait until next year. I can’t count how many times we’ve been the ones sitting in these very rooms in the midland forts because their riders have been called to the front for an emergency.” The color drains from Dain’s face.

“Now that’s settled.” Mira reaches under the table and pulls out a set of models, putting a six-inch stone keep in the center of the table. “Catch.” One by one, she tosses painted wooden models of dragons at us, keeping one for herself. “Pretend Messina and Exal don’t exist back there, and we’re the only squad available to take back that keep. Think of the power in this room. Think of what each individual rider brings to the table and how you’d use those powers in unison to conquer your objective.”

“But they don’t teach that to first-years,” Liam says slowly from next to my sister.

Mira glances at the whirls of magic on his wrist, but to Liam’s credit, he doesn’t tug his sleeve down. She was cordial with him when they met—she’d even liked him, unlike Xaden—but I can tell she still feels that ingrained prejudice against the marked ones. It’s hard to remember sometimes that the third-years are the first riders who will serve with them. Everyone in this room has become accustomed to Liam, Imogen…even Xaden. But those in active service have never flown with anyone marked by a rebellion relic.

The Tyrrish riders who remained loyal to Navarre during the uprising were promoted, not punished, and the riders who turned against king and country were killed or executed. And just like Vi’s grief at Brennan’s loss was directed at Xaden that first day at the parapet, there will be more than one rider who misdirects their own anger at marked riders. Not everyone’s pragmatic enough to treat them as their own persons.

Violet clears her throat. Mira’s gaze shifts to hers, and she lifts an eyebrow at her in clear warning.

Be nice.

Her eyes widen ever so slightly, and she directs her attention back to Liam. “They might not teach you this battle strategy as first-years because you’re all busy trying to stay on your dragons. You had your first taste of strategy during the Squad Battle, and it’s almost May, which means final War Games should be beginning, right?”

“Two weeks,” Dain answers.

“Good timing, then. Not all of you will survive the games if you’re not prepared.” She holds my gaze for a beat.

“Don’t remind me.” I mutter, letting my head loll back.

“This kind of thinking will give your squad—your entire wing—an advantage, since I guarantee your wingleader is already assessing every rider for their own abilities.” Xaden flips his dragon model over his knuckles but doesn’t reply. He hasn’t spoken a word to Mira since arriving either.

“So let’s do this.” Mira stands back. “Who is in command?” She glances toward Quinn. “And let’s pretend that I don’t have three years of seniority on even the highest-ranked of you.”

“Then I’m in command.” Dain sits up straight, his chin rising a good inch.

“Our wingleader is here,” Liam argues, pointing at Xaden. “I would say that puts him in command.”

“We can pretend I’m not here, just for the sake of the exercise.” Xaden sets his dragon on the table and leans back in his chair, draping his arm across the back of mine. “Give Aetos here the position we all know he craves.” A smile tugs at my lips.

“If it’s about strategy then I’d put Remi in charge.” Emery says from down the table, much to my surprise. We’ve known each other for all of a few days. “From what I’ve seen in Battle Brief and during the squad battle, she’s the best choice to make a plan.”

I almost want to say yes, just to see if Dain’s face will actually turn purple, but instead I just laugh. “Technically I’m not here either.” I smile. “I wouldn’t want to intrude on your squad.” Liam grins—that’s absolutely untrue and everyone knows it.

“Ok so mum and dad are out.” Ridoc says, rocking his chair back on two legs as he looks to Dain expectantly. “Squad leader?” ‘Mum and dad?’ I mouth to Violet opposite me, eyes wide. I tense a little, glancing anxiously up at Xaden, but there’s a smirk tugging at the edge of his lips and I relax as his hand brushes my shoulder.

“You’re. The. Wingleader.” Every word Dain speaks comes out through clenched teeth as he looks across the table.

“I’m not even supposed to be here.” Xaden shrugs. “But if it makes you feel better, for the purpose of War Games, you’d be getting your orders from your section leader, Garrick Tavis, which he’d get from me. You’ll be carrying out your manoeuvres as a squad for the good of the wing. Just pretend I’m another member of your squad and use me as you wish, Aetos.” Xaden folds his arms across his chest.

I glance at Mira, who’s watching the play-by-play with raised brows. “Why are you even here?” Dain challenges. “No offense, sir, but we weren’t exactly expecting senior leadership on this trip.” Even with sarcasm added, it never fails to amuse me when Dain calls him ‘sir’. He’s such a stickler for rules and the chain of command. We all know he loathes Xaden—showing him even a modicum of respect must kill him.

“You’re more than aware that Sgaeyl and Tairn are mated.” Xaden raises an eyebrow, refusing to engage.

“Three days?” Dain fires back, leaning in. “You couldn’t make it three days?”

“Like it has anything to do with him?” I interrupt skeptically, lips twitching. “That’s up to Tairn and Sgaeyl.”

“Of course you would rush to defend him.” Dain rolls his eyes, a look of disgust on his face. “How you can forget that this guy wanted to kill you and your sister six months ago is beyond me.”

I blink at him. I’m not certain Xaden ever wanted to kill us to be honest, not seriously anyway. “Well he certainly doesn’t want to kill me now.” I grin salaciously, dropping it in favour of an innocent look when Xaden looks down at me sternly.

“Good job remaining professional, Aetos.” Xaden flips the tiny dragon over his hand again. “Really shows those leadership qualities to their best advantage.”

One of the riders down the table whistles low. “Do you boys just want to whip it out and measure? It would be faster.”

“Oh trust me,” I meet his eyes. “That’s not necessary.” I grin. Liam smothers a laugh, but his shoulders shake.

“Enough!” Mira slams her hands on the table and I fall silent, knowing when not to push her.

“Oh, come on, Sorrengail,” the rider down the table whines with a wide smile. Both Mira and I look his way. “I mean…the older…oldest Sorrengail. This is the best entertainment we’ve had in ages.”

I sigh and look around the table impatiently. “Mira has the ability to extend the shield if the wards are down, so the first thing I would do is send her to scout the area with Teine. We need to know if we’re dealing with infantry or gryphon riders.”

“Good.” Mira moves her dragon closer to the castle. “Now let’s assume there are gryphons.”

“You want to do your job?” I ask Dain, smiling sweetly. “Or should mum and dad take over for you?” I wink at Ridoc as a laugh escapes him. I don’t dare look up at Xaden.

Dain’s hand clenches around his own dragon as he rips his gaze from mine. “Quinn, can you astral project from the back of your dragon?”

“Yes,” she answers.

“Then I would have you project into the fortress to check for signs of weakness,” Dain orders. “And have you report back. Same with Liam. We’d use your farsight to see if you can locate where the gryphon riders are and if there are any traps.” Not a bad plan, all things considered.

“Good. The weaknesses are the wooden gate,” Mira notes as Quinn and Liam move their dragons into position, “and the Navarrian citizens they have captive in the dungeons.”

“So much for blasting the whole place,” Ridoc says.

“You’re an air wielder, right?” Dain asks Emery. “So you can shape your dragon’s flames, lead them through the occupied parts of the keep without killing civilians.”

“Yes,” Emery answers. “But I’d have to be in the keep.”

“Then you’ll have to get into the keep,” Mira says with a shrug.

Emery’s eyes widen. “You want me to leave my dragon and go on foot?”

A bark of laughter escapes me and I stare at him in confusion. “You’re not serious?” I ask. “You didn’t honestly think you’d never have to dismount?” Not every mission is all-out warfare with mounted gryphon riders.

“Why do you think we get all that hand-to-hand training? Or are you going to leave all those innocent people to die?” Mira flicks her wrist and Emery’s dragon goes flying out of his hand and into hers. She puts it in the center of the keep. “The real question is, how do we get you close enough without getting you killed?” She glances around the table. “Since I’m guessing the others will be busy fighting off the gryphons that launch once the fireworks start.”

“What’s your signet, Aetos?” Quinn asks.

“Above your pay grade,” Dain answers, glancing around the table and skipping over Xaden, then making the rounds again, finally sighing. “Any ideas?”

“You can’t be serious?” I say again. Mira sends me a warning look. “No. Nope. I’m a hundred percent done.” I rip Xaden’s dragon from his hand and toss it at Dain where it smacks into his chest, tumbling down onto the table.

“You stop ignoring that you have an incredibly powerful shadow wielder at your disposal and ask him to black out the area so no one sees you land. It’s really not that hard—you know, if you’d rather your squad survive than keep holding grudges.”

“She’s not wrong,” Mira agrees, but her words are clipped and I know I’m getting a talking to later.

“You can do that?” Dain begrudgingly looks at Xaden.

“Are you seriously asking?” Xaden retorts.

“Just wasn’t sure you could cover an area that—” Xaden lifts a hand a few inches above the table and shadows pour from underneath our seats, filling the room and turning it dark as midnight in a blink. My heart jumps as my sight goes black, but then a ghost of a touch skims my cheek and I relax, melting into his side.

“Fuck me,” someone says.

“No thanks.” I call back.

“I can surround this entire outpost, but I think that might freak some people out,” Xaden says and the shadows disappear, racing back under the table, all except for one that remains atop my thigh.

Everyone at the table besides Emery (who has obviously been in the field with Xaden before), Violet and Liam, looks slightly greenish—even Mira, who’s staring at Xaden like he’s a threat she needs to assess. I wonder if he’s never advertised the true depths of his power before or if they just hadn’t believed it until they experienced it for themselves. Obviously Violet, Liam and I have firsthand experience with the shadows, though not to that extent, but I’d like to think I would have assumed him to be that powerful anyway, given Sgaeyl and his overall…him.

“I hope you didn’t get any ideas while we were in the dark there.” He whispers in my ear and I jam my elbow into his ribs, trying to ignore the fire pooling in my gut at his suggestive tone and the brush of his lips on my skin.

We finish the hypothetical operation, Violet and I sharing a commiserative look across the table at our lack of signet powers. At least she’s of some use—when it’s time to take the gryphons out in the air, Tairn overpowers every other dragon in the room. I’m just a useless bystander. I’ve been running the scenario over in my head this whole time with my squad and I’m forced to admit (only in the quiet of my mind) that we would fail. My squad doesn’t have the necessary powers or skill level to accomplish this task.

“Good job,” Mira says to everyone, glancing at her pocket watch. “Aetos, Riorson and Sorrengails, I want to see you in the hallway. The rest of you are dismissed.”

I groan, hauling myself out of my chair. “This should be good.” We follow her out to the spiral staircase and she shuts the door behind us, throwing up a line of blue energy that covers the entrance.

“Sound shield,” Dain says with a smile. “Nice.” I can only hope I get a signet even half as useful.

“Shut up.” Mira spins on the top step, putting her finger in Dain’s face. “I don’t know what bug has crawled up your ass, Dain Aetos, but have you forgotten that you’re a squad leader? That you have a very real chance of becoming a wingleader next year?”

Oh wow, she really is pissed, and that’s not anything I want a part of. Violet glances at me over her shoulder and we share an understanding grimace. She retreats onto my step and I fall back one into Xaden, wondering if we should make a break for it. It’s not like we can avoid her for the rest of the week though, so I resign myself to staying put and wait for the chewing out I know is coming. At least I’ll get to see her eviscerate Dain first.

“Mira—” Dain starts.

“Lieutenant Sorrengail.” Mira responds and my lips quirk up. “You’re blowing it, Dain. I know how badly you want his job next year.” She points a finger at Xaden. “Don’t forget that we’ve grown up about ten feet apart. And you are blowing it, because what? You’re pissed that Violet bonded his dragon’s mate?”

“He is the worst possible thing for her!” Dain counters and I jolt, because it’s exactly what Xaden had said to me about himself.

“Oh, I’m not arguing that.” Mira leans into his space and I glare, my lip curling up.

“Well I am.” As usual, I go completely ignored.

“But there’s nothing anyone can do about the choices of dragons.” My older sister continues. “They don’t bother with the opinions of mere humans, do they? But whatever is going on between the two of you”—that finger swings between Dain and Violet—“is fucking up your squad. If I can see it after four days with you, then they sure as hell can tell. And if I’d known that you were going to be such a hard-ass with zero flexibility for the things she can’t control, I never would have told her to find you after crossing the parapet.”

She glances at Violet, then back at him. “You two have been best friends since you were five years old. Figure your shit out.” Dain is so tense, he looks like he might crack in half, but he glances at Violet and nods. “Good, now get back in there.” She motions toward the door with her head, and Dain leaves, walking through the shield.

“Honestly, I think he’s probably more pissed about Liam—”

“No.” Mira holds her hand up. “I’ll get to you in a minute.” I blink, taken aback.

“As for you.” She walks down two steps and pins Xaden with a glare over my shoulder, because I’m sure as hell not moving aside for whatever this is. “Is this what she can expect next year?”

“Aetos being an asshole?” Xaden asks, leaving his hands loose at his sides. “Probably.”

It’s the first words they’ve spoken to each other and I let out a tense sigh. Mira’s eyes narrow. “Mated dragons typically bond riders in the same year for a reason. You cannot expect your assigned wing or her instructors to let you both fly off every three days.”

“Wasn’t my choice.” He shrugs.

“What are we supposed to do? Tell the giant, flamethrowing dragons how it’s going to be?” Violet asks her, making a face.

“Yes!” she exclaims, turning toward her. “Because you can’t live this way, Violet. You’ll be the one who ends up missing the training you need, because he’s the more powerful of the two of you right now. But if you don’t get to focus on your training, then that’s how it will always be. You won’t ever become who Tairn can push you to be. Is that what you want, Riorson?”

“Mira,” I say warningly. “That’s uncalled for. We’ve talked about this.”

Her eyes narrow again. “Well what you’ve said and what I’ve seen don’t match up Remi.” She looks over my shoulder. "Killing someone isn’t the only way to destroy them and from what I can see when I look at you, he’s well on his way to the retribution he swore against our mother.” She says and I suck in a sharp breath. “How well do you even really know him?”

“Enough.” My hands are clenched into fists at my sides and I’m shaking with anger, furious. The worst part is she’s not yelling, she’s not angry—she’s just looking at me with pity.

“Do you even know why he hates our mother so much? Why the kids like him are put on the para—”

“I’m right here,” Xaden interrupts, rising to the same step to stand at my side. “In case you didn’t notice.”

“You’re kind of hard to miss,” she retorts.

“You’re not listening.” His voice lowers. “I. Am. Here. Tairn didn’t drag Violet back to Basgiath. He didn’t break through her shields and pour his emotions into her. He didn’t demand she fly across the fucking kingdom. Your sister is still right here. I’m the one who left my post, my position, and my executive officer in charge of my wing. She’s not missing out on shit. And as for Remi—”

“No.” I shake my head, cutting him off. “You don’t need to justify yourself to her. I’ve given her all the justification she needs. If she doesn’t want to see things the way they are, then that’s her problem.”

“You were in tears last night!” Mira throws her arms up. “If he—”

“Mira!” I snap, glaring at her. “I appreciate that you care about me—that you care about both of us—but you’re getting angry instead of starting a conversation, instead of asking questions and that’s not fair on any of us.” I shake my head. “If he didn’t have that relic on his arm and his last name wasn’t Riorson, you would have just asked what his plans were for next year, how he was going to deal with Tairn and Sgaeyl’s bond.”

Violet looks at me appreciatively, her shoulders slumping a little as she reaches out to squeeze my hand and my older sister closes her eyes, taking a few deep breaths. “You’re right.” She says quietly. “I’m sorry.”

“Mira,” Violet tries. “He’s taken every spare minute he has to train us on the mat for challenges or take us flying in hopes we’ll finally figure out how to keep our damned seats without our dragons holding us in place. He’s—”

She flinches. “You still can’t keep your seat?” She looks between us. “Either of you?”

“No.” It’s barely a whisper and red covers Violet’s cheeks.

“But…by now?” Her mouth hangs open.

“I’m not you!” Violet shouts and Mira rears back like she’s slapped her.

“But you…you look so much stronger now. Both of you.”

“I’m not.” I mutter bitterly. “We weren’t magically fixed because a dragon bonded with us.”

Mira blanches. “No. I didn’t mean it like that. You’re not anything that needs to be fixed.” She looks between us regretfully. A long, uncomfortable silence stretches between us.

“They’re getting better,” Xaden offers, his voice calm and even. “The first few weeks were…disastrous.”

“Hey, he caught me before I hit the ground,” Violet argues and I shudder, closing my eyes.

“Barely,” Xaden grumbles before turning back to Mira. “And Remi…” He brushes my braid off my shoulder, running his hand over my hair tenderly and I lean into his touch. “She’s scared, but she’s trying.” Mira’s eyes widen almost imperceptibly, almost like she’s surprised I divulged my fear at all.

“You don’t have to trust me—”

“Good, because I don’t,” she says. “If you ever hurt—” She goes completely still, her eyes unfocusing.

“Incoming.” Lía’s voice is tight.

“Fuck! The wards are down,” Mira mutters, apparently receiving the same alarm from Teine. She clutches Violet’s shoulders and yanks her into a hug, her free arm reaching for me. “You have to go.”

“I love you, Mira. Be safe.” I press my face into her shoulder. “I forgive you for being an overprotective brat.” She snorts, gripping me tighter.

“We can help!” Vi argues.

“You can’t. And if Tairn is using his power to keep you seated, then he’s diminished as well. You have to go. Get out of here. If you love me, Violet, you’ll go so I don’t have to worry about you, too.” She releases us, looking to Xaden as our squad pours out of the door above, thundering by as they run down the steps. “Get them out of here.”

“Let’s go!” Dain shouts. “Now!”

“Even if you don’t trust me, I’m the best weapon you have,” Xaden snarls at Mira and my heart aches at the fact that he’s willing to fight with her, despite the accusatory way she just spoke to him.

“If what you say is true, then you’re the best weapon they have. The other half of the squad will be here in moments and Teine thinks we have about twenty minutes until the gryphons arrive.” She pauses a beat and then goes in for the kill. “You want to leave Remi unprotected knowing they’re out there?”

“Oh now you trust him with me.” I roll my eyes, but a small smile tilts my lips anyway.

Mira laughs before turning to my twin. “You have to get to safety, Violet.” Her tone brokers no argument as she starts speaking faster. “I love you both. Don’t die. I’d hate to be an only child.” Mira turns to run up the remaining stairs toward the roof and I have half a second to react before Violet moves, my hand snapping out to ensnare her wrist.

“No!” Violet yells and as she wrenches herself from my grip, I’m relieved to see Liam shoot up the stairs beside me, grabbing Violet around the middle. “Mira! What if you get hurt? Tairn’s speed could be the only thing that saves you. At least let us stay.”

Mira looks over her shoulder at the doorway, but there’s steel in her expression. “You want me to trust you guys?” Her eyes briefly move from Liam, back to Xaden. “Get them the fuck out of here.”

“Mira!” Violet screams, clawing at Liam’s arms, but he’s already half carrying her down the stairs as if she weighs less than a sack of potatoes. “I love you!” She calls up the turret, but our older sister is already gone.

“Can I trust you to get your own pack?” Xaden asks me where I’m frozen in the stairwell and I have to physically shake myself to get my legs moving. “Or am I going to have to carry you out of here too?” My feet clap against the stairs as we hurtle down after Liam and Violet, his arm hovering behind me, presumably ready to grab me if I fall.

“No need.” Liam says where he waits tensely at the bottom, my pack by his feet.

“Thanks.” I mutter, swinging it over my shoulders as Xaden darts past me down the hall. He returns only seconds later, his own pack slung over his shoulder, looking considerably emptier than when he arrived the night before. My eyes narrow for a moment, even in the chaos, drifting from his pack, to his face. He gives nothing away.

Violet appears in the hall behind him, both her rucksack and Rhiannon’s in her hands. She starts marching for the door but Xaden stops her, throwing his arm out.

“It’s too dangerous to leave the fortress walls.” He says. “We’re going up. Climb.”

“This is bullshit!” Violet yells, uncaring that every other member of her squad who’s climbing the same turret as us can hear. “Tairn could help them!”

“Mira’s right. You have to make it out, so we’re leaving. Now fucking climb.” Liam’s hand is firm on her back as he pushes her in front of him and I reach around his hip to grab her hand for a second. She squeezes it tight.

“Dain,” She tries and I realise he’s on the step in front of them. He turns around and takes Rhiannon’s pack from her, slinging it over his own shoulder.

“No. Mairi and I agree. It’s not just you we have to get out, Violet. Think of every other first-year.” He tells her, a plea in his eyes and I throw him a thumbs-up behind her back. I might not like the guy, but at least he’s on our side this time and he knows as well as I do how to appeal to her sympathies.

“Are you going to sentence an entire untrained squad to death? Because I’ll make it. Cianna, Emery and Heaton will too. And we all fucking know Riorson will. But what about Rhiannon? Ridoc? Sawyer? You want their deaths on your hands? Your sister’s?” he asks, his words choppy as we race upward toward the open door.

We burst onto the roof as Emery mounts his dragon, who is precariously perched on the thinner-than-quadrant wall and I freeze, my heart sinking. I’m not going to be able to mount. Am I going to have to jump? I’ll fall.

“I’ve got you.” Xaden murmurs in my ear and I have to centre myself, realising my shields have dropped in the chaos.

Cath and Deigh are hovering, their wings beating the air. “You’re next!” Xaden shouts at Liam, and Dain nods. The blond looks torn for a moment but trusts Xaden enough to go, leaning down to kiss Violet quickly as Deigh crumbles the masonry with the force of his landing. He takes off down the narrow walkway toward the large Red Daggertail and Xaden barks, “you next, Aetos!”

“Vi—” Dain starts to argue.

“That’s an order.” There’s no room for argument in that tone, and we all know it, especially when Cath takes Deigh’s place on the wall. “I’ve got her. Go.”

“He never cares about me.” I grumble in Xaden’s ear, despite the seriousness of the situation, and he cracks a small smile.

Dain follows orders, racing up Cath’s foreleg.

“Where the fuck are our dragons?” I mutter, my anxiety heightening as I look up at the open sky.

“Almost there.” Lía responds.

“Make sure Tairn comes in first.” I tell her, “Fall back if you have to, I’m not leaving until she’s in the air—she’s being stubborn.” I can tell by the irritation that rushes back at me Lía thinks I’m being stubborn, but she doesn’t refuse.

“I can’t do this,” Violet turns to us. “The others are gone. We can stay. I can’t just leave her here. It’s wrong, and it’s something she’d never do to us. We have to stay for her. We just have to.”

“Violet.” I lean forward and grab her shoulders. “We’ll only be a distraction for her. If you want to give her the very best chance of survival, we need to leave.” I tell her seriously. “I know it’s hard—you think I don’t?” I take a deep breath. “But Mira’s an exceptional rider, she knows what she’s doing. We’re only putting her and ourselves in danger if we stay.”

“Remi, I can’t.” She looks pained.

I steel myself, taking a deep breath. “Tairn will be getting here next and you will be getting on his back, or I will knock you out and Xaden can carry you.” Her mouth falls open and she looks at me in a way she hasn’t in months. It’s a look I’d foolishly almost forgotten.

“I’ll hate you for this.”

“Yeah.” I nod, feeling my throat tighten. “What else is new.”

Xaden’s shadows encircle me, dragging me backward and to the ground as he darts forward, lifting Violet’s arms up so she’s shaped like a T. “Arms up. Hold tight.”

“Fuck. You.” The enormous shape of Tairn appears behind him, and Xaden drops to the stone floor just as Tairn flies directly above, his shadow falling over us a second before his foreclaw scoops Violet up like he’s done countless times mid-flight.

I watch with wide eyes as Lía approaches after him, flying toward us at speed, and I’m shaking as Xaden pulls my arms into the same position. “You’re ok.” He says, hard expression on his face never changing, even as his lips press to my temple. “If you fall, my shadows will catch you.” I relax a little, trying to breathe deeply as Lía swoops in, snatching me up.

We climb higher and higher—much higher than I’ve ever been without her holding me in place—and terror blares through me as I contemplate the manoeuvre we have to attempt. She hovers for a moment, pausing just barely and I look down to see a mass of navy-blue scales below, Xaden looking up at me from Sgaeyl’s back, half-crouched, with only a hand on her pommel. Waiting to catch me I realise—in case I fall.

Past them, hundreds of feet below, a dozen gryphons envelop the keep and I know it’s now or never. “Ok.” I tell Lía, trying to force myself to breathe, and she tosses me up, my stomach rolling as I fly through the air and then drop even faster, slamming onto her back. I scramble for purchase for a moment, my eyes widening in fear, and darkness rises up all around us, thick black walls towering on every side.

I slide to a stop and pull myself forward on my stomach until I’m in the seat, tightening my legs around her. “Ok.” My heart is still racing. “I’m good.” The darkness falls away and Sgaeyl ascends beside us, her wing just grazing Lía’s. My heartbeat doesn’t slow for a good, long while.

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We left Montserrat two days ago. The first day we spent in the air and the second I spent on the sparring mats with Xaden. Currently I’m on the floor opposite my sister outside Markham’s office, waiting for news. I’d much rather be elsewhere being productive, but I feel a sense of obligation to try and support her, regardless of how illogical I think it is to waste time sitting here.

Liam has his arm wrapped around her and she’s leaning into his side, staring into space. The sun is barely up and I sigh, closing my eyes as I let my head hit the wall behind me. “Still hate me then?”

Violet slumps, her face crumpling as she turns toward me. “I shouldn’t have said that.” She whispers. I only shrug, flipping a dagger over in my hand. “I’m so sorry, Rem. I didn’t mean it.” She sighs. “I just…I’m supposed to have one of the most powerful dragons on the continent and I couldn’t do a damn thing.”

I bite my lip. “We haven’t even been riders for six months, Vi.” I tell her gently. “One day you’ll be ready, just not yet.”

I hear footsteps on the circular staircase to my right and watch as Violet’s head shoots up, looking towards the doorway for any sign of Professor Markham. Instead, Xaden walks into the hallway, holding two steaming pewter mugs. He approaches Violet, holding out one of the mugs like an offering. “It’s coffee. Sgaeyl says you haven’t slept.”

“It’s none of Sgaeyl’s business if I’m sleeping,” Violet snips. “But thanks. I bet you’re sleeping like a baby.” Even if she doesn’t hate me, she still hasn’t forgiven him for his role in getting her onto Tairn’s back.

Xaden slides down the wall to sit next to me, draping his arm over my shoulders as he takes a sip from the remaining mug before passing it over to me. I look down in surprise, my heart softening at the lighter liquid in the cup. Tea. He knows I hate coffee.

“Maybe. But I know what it’s like. It’s only since February I’ve been able to sleep through the night again—before that I hadn’t slept well since my father left Aretia to declare the secession.”

“That was more than six years ago.” Violet says, but my brain is stuck on February. That’s when…when we got together. When we started whatever this is and he began sleeping in my room, curled around me.

“You were—” Vi pauses. “I don’t even know how old you are now.”

“Twenty-three,” he answers. “My birthday was in March.”

I jolt beside him. “Wait, what?” I gasp, turning my head. “No!” What the fuck? How did I not know? Why didn’t he say anything?

“It’s not a big deal.” He says and I shake my head stubbornly.

“It is! I would have gotten you something—we could have celebrated.” A frown crosses my face.

He raises an eyebrow, his lips twitching. “We did celebrate.” He chuckles as my cheeks begin to burn, a red flush covering my face and neck.

“Ew.” Violet teases, a small smile ticking up the edge of her lips. “Ours is in—”

“July,” he answers with a ghost of a smile. “I know. I made it my business to know everything there was to know about you both the second I saw you on the parapet.” Now I feel even worse.

He and Violet stare at each other for a moment, their faces twitching as though they’re having some kind of staring contest or something—like they’re arguing without saying a thing. Before I can ask what’s going on, I hear footsteps on the stairs again and turn to find Dain approaching.

“Guess you all had the same idea,” He says when he sees us, coming to stand along the wall beside Violet and Liam. “How long have you been waiting?”

“Not long,” Liam answers.

“Hours,” Violet says simultaneously.

“Damn, Violet.” Dain runs a hand through his damp hair. “Are you hungry? Do you want to get breakfast?”

“No thank you.”

Another set of footsteps sounds from the staircase and I pray that it’s Markham, just so we can get out of here either way. Thankfully my prayers are answered and the professor turns the corner, pausing when he sees the five of us outside his office. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“I think that’s pretty obvious.” I mutter, standing up.

“Just tell me if she’s dead.” Violet moves into the centre of the hall.

Markham looks at us with more than his fair share of disapproval. “You know I can’t give out classified information. If there’s anything to be discussed, we’ll do it in Battle Brief.” It’s such a bullshit answer that my hand curls into a fist at my side.

“We were there. If it’s classified, then we already know about it,” Vi counters and Liam reaches out to take her mug from her as her hands tremble.

“It’s hardly appropriate for me to—”

“She’s our sister,” I say harshly, glaring at him. “We deserve to know if we’ve lost another sibling in Navarre’s service, and we deserve not to hear about it in a room full of riders.” My words are sharper than the daggers sheathed at my ribs and his jaw tightens.

“There was considerable damage to the outpost, but we lost no riders at Montserrat.”

I slump a little in relief, the fight draining out of me as I lean back against the wall, closing my eyes for a brief moment. Violet’s legs have given out and Liam has caught her around the waist, dragging her into his arms as he comforts her.

I leave them be, deciding to head up to breakfast myself now that I know everything is alright. Xaden and I walk side by side to the gathering hall and his hand barely brushes my arm as we reach my table and I stop next to Bodhi, watching as he continues on his way to sit with leadership.

“So.” Bodhi begins, drawing my attention down to him. “You look like you had a restful vacation.”

That startles a laugh out of me and I groan, collapsing onto the seat next to him. “I don’t even know where to start.”

“Probably explaining what you did to my cousin that unsettled him so much he beat the crap out of us in the gym for two days.”

I meet Sage’s eyes across the table with a grimace. She knows what happened, but I don’t plan on explaining my feelings to anyone else, not with how stupid they make me feel and the less-than-mature way I expressed them.

“Nothing.” I tell Bodhi. “We’re fine.”

He raises an eyebrow, unconvinced, but lets me get away with it anyway. “Come on. Get your breakfast so we can go to the gym. We’re going to spar so I can make up for all the pain you indirectly caused me.” I laugh, tipping my head back as I stand to head for the line.

“You’re on.”

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The rest of the week passes in a blur of classes and training. I’m back working with Imogen in the weight room full force to try and get ready for the War Games, as well as trying to unravel the mystery around us with Sage. I told her what little my sister had relayed about Resson and about the dragons she thought she’d seen over the border near Cranston, but we’re still missing a piece of the puzzle.

I’d intended to use one of the days we were at Montserrat to head towards the border and investigate, but Lía had flat out refused to take me on my own and once Mira had caught us, there wasn’t any opportunity to ask Violet and Rhiannon to make a little detour.

Xaden’s been around to train Violet and I as usual and a few nights he’s snuck into my room to sleep, but apart from that, we’ve been studiously walking around the elephant in the room. I’ve been avoiding bringing it up with him and he was kind enough not to push at first, given the situation with Mira, but it seems like that brief reprieve might be over.

“Ok. Are we doing this?” He crosses his arms over his chest, looking at me seriously from the other side of my room where he stands by the window. It’s obvious what ‘this’ is. “I’ve given you a week but we’re not going to get anywhere if you don’t talk to me.”

It’s hilarious coming from him and I bark out a laugh, shaking my head. “Wow.” I turn away from him, biting my tongue lest I say something uncalled for. “Can you maybe try not being angry with me?” I ask. “You’re not making this any easier.”

“You basically told me you changed your mind about us and then flew halfway across the kingdom before I could say anything. I think I’m allowed to be a little annoyed.” It’s still the same no-bullshit tone he uses on the mat and when I glance over my shoulder, the hard expression on his face hasn’t changed either.

I don’t want to do this—to have this conversation—but there’s no way to keep going otherwise, we can’t remain in the in-between.

“What ‘us’ is there to change my mind about?” I ask him, finally turning back around, just in time to see the barest hint of a flinch before he covers it, his face becoming a cold mask. “No,” I shake my head, stepping forward with a frown. “Don’t do that. I’m asking you seriously, was there actually an ‘us’? Are we together? Or are we just messing around? Taking comfort from one another?”

“You’re joking, right?” His voice is harsh and it’s my turn to rear back as it cuts me open, my heart clenching in my chest. “You think I’d be here if we weren’t?” He shakes his head. “You’re the one who wanted—”

“Yes.” I cut him off. “Exactly. I’m the one who wanted to be with you.” I tell him. “And I’m terrified that you don’t want me.” It feels like I’m flaying myself open, laying everything bare.

“I’ve told you, I always want you—”

“No.” I interrupt him again, exasperated. “Not my body, not—not some physical reaction when I walk into a room. Not sex. Me.” I try to make him understand. “You said you were tired of fighting it,” I explain. “Why wouldn’t I think that referred to sex?” My throat tightens. “You never said that you actually wanted…”

He huffs, crossing the room in two long strides. “I thought it was obvious.” He says, stopping a foot away from me. “Of course I want you, I want all of you, I just didn’t realise you needed so much reassurance.” It feels like a slap and I take a few steps back, stumbling away from him. “Remi…” He sighs, closing his eyes.

“I give so much for you.” I whisper, tightening my hands into fists.

“I know you do.” His face finally softens and he takes a step toward me. “I just thought—” He sighs, raking a hand through his hair. “I thought I was showing it.” He finally says. “I didn’t realise you needed to hear it too. Sometimes I forget you’re not as tough as you pretend to be.”

“You’re digging yourself an even deeper hole.” I tell him quietly, warning in my tone.

A slight smirk tilts his lips. “Well at least we’ll be down it together.” He steps forward to pull me in, his hand splaying over the back of my head as he tilts it back, leaning down to kiss me soundly. His tongue brushes against mine in that dominant, all-consuming way of his, his lips soft between my own and a good minute must pass before he finally pulls away, his hands sliding around to my jawline as we catch our breaths.

“I can’t stop thinking about you—I’m always thinking about you—and I’m not just talking about sex.” His hands are gentle on my face. “I thought about it for a long while, you know—sex with you.” My lips quirk up a little. “You were so damn persistent—how could I not?” He closes his eyes, “but Threshing, that was when I really knew that I needed more. That it could never be just sex, that I wanted to keep you.”

I look at him in surprise, blinking slowly. “Threshing?” Our eyes meet.

“You slit that asshole’s throat and looked up through the blood spray to cuss at me.” He says and his eyes darken. “I wanted to take you to the ground then and there and—” A desperate noise escapes my throat and I pull his lips down to mine, kissing him fiercely as I wrap my arms around him. His hands tangle in my hair and I moan as he tugs, tilting my head back again to provide himself a better angle.

We barely even get started before he’s pulling back, giving me a stern look as he rests his hands on my hips. “Now that we’ve established that we care about each other past the—honestly, mind-blowing—sex, do you care to elaborate on the part where you told me you’d changed your mind about us and fled the citadel?”

I squirm a little. “I didn’t change my mind about us.” I close my eyes in defeat. “I just…” It feels so much harder now that I have verbal confirmation he actually cares, that he wants me in the same way I want him. “I have self-esteem issues.” I admit, looking away from him. “You know I struggle with that and I’m trying so hard to just go with the flow and not be bothered by anything, because I know how lucky I am that you even gave me a chance.” I whisper. “But it’s hard and sometimes I’m not going to be able to hide how much it bothers me that I’m your dirty little secret—that us only exists in the quiet of my room.”

He’s silent for a moment and tears prick my eyes as I suck my lower lip between my teeth, biting down hard. “Nothing about us changes when we walk out that door.” He says quietly. “There’s no part of me that feels any differently about you when I’m in the gathering hall or the gym, compared to here.”

“But it doesn’t feel like that.” I whisper. “Not when you tense beneath my hand if I touch you, not when I have to walk past you with barely a glance, not when you can’t spare me a word because someone might see.” My voice gains strength with every word. “We touched each other a lot more out there before we got together.” I tell him. “How does that make sense?”

“It’s not the same anymore.” He tells me, his face settling back into those same hard lines. “I’m trying to keep you safe.”

“And I’m asking you not to.” I plead. “I’m asking you to listen to what I want, to prioritise my feelings.”

“I can’t do that.” He disagrees and my heart sinks. “You’re asking me to do something that we both know puts you in danger. Do you know how many enemies you’d be making? If you get hurt because of me…I can’t live with that.”

“I could get hurt at any time.” I argue. “You said you wanted me at Threshing. That girl—the girl who looked up and cussed you out, covered in blood—she’s still in here somewhere, but I haven’t been her for months because I’ve been walking around on eggshells, trying not to do anything that will jeopardise this.” I tell him. “Can’t you see that?”

“That girl, would have strolled right up to you and kissed you in the middle of the gathering hall for everyone to see. I want to be that girl again and I’m sorry that I’m asking it of you, I’m sorry, ok?” I take his hands, squeezing tight as I look up and meet his eyes, my lip shaking. “But I need you to ask yourself if you want her, because that’s who I am.”

“Is…is this an ultimatum?” He asks and I swallow hard.

“I don’t know.” I whisper. I think it is, even if it kills me that it has to be. “You can…you can think about it.” I tell him. “I’ll wait.” He nods, silently and as his hands slip from mine and he steps back, my heart breaks a little. He doesn’t say anything, just makes his way to the door and I watch the tense set of his shoulders until he’s gone, out the door and down the hall.

I breathe in and out for a few moments, staring blankly at my window as I try and grapple with the fact that that actually just happened. It feels like we got together properly and then broke up all in the space of fifteen minutes and I have no idea how to process that.

“He’ll come back.” Lía reassures me, her gentle presence radiating down our bond. “Be patient.” I’m not a patient person at all and everyone knows it, but I try to take her words to heart, hoping she’s right.

“You’re special, little one.” She says softly. “I understand there are extenuating circumstances, but he needs to bend a little too.” There’s a pause for a moment. “You shouldn’t hide any part of yourself. For anyone.”

“And if he doesn’t come back?” I ask quietly.

“I’ll skewer him on my tail.”

I snort, slapping my hand over my mouth. “Lía! No!” I shake my head. “You know you can’t do that.” Amusement filters through into my mind and I roll my eyes. “Thank you, though.” I tell her softly. “I love you.”

All I can do now, is wait. 

Chapter Text

💫      🐉      ⚔️      🔥      🖤

Winning the War Games isn’t about strength. It’s about cunning. To know how to strike, you have to understand where your enemies—your friends—are most vulnerable. No one stays friends forever, Mira. Eventually those closest to us become our enemies in some way, even if it’s through well-intentioned love or apathy, or if we live long enough to become their villains.

I close the journal with a sigh, rubbing my eyes tiredly as I slide it into the drawer of my armoire. Brennan was cunning, it’s a trait we shared, but I find the longer I spend in Basgiath, the more distasteful I find the way my brain works. I keep a running list in my head of everyone’s weaknesses, of course I do, but I just wish…I wish I didn’t have to. I wish the future wasn’t so frightening. I wish that I wasn’t filled with a crushing certainty that somehow, I’m going to end up on the opposite side of a battlefield to some of my friends.

But there’s no point in pretending. I’m all but certain that there’s another rebellion brewing in Tyrrendor and I’m just as certain that Xaden will become involved if he’s not already. The same goes for Bodhi and Liam, Imogen probably too, and Soleil. My mind’s been spinning over the possibility for weeks, ever since I read the missive in my mother’s office and I know with little hesitation where that puts me.

I already know what it’s like to be Violet’s enemy and I hope between Liam and I, that when the time comes we might be able to convince her to our side, but everyone else…there’s no guarantees. Even Mira, as much as I hate to think about it, might not be willing to put the love of family above honour and duty, and it kills me.

“You ready?” Sage asks me, standing from my bed, Morgan at her side.

“Definitely.” I nod, joining them to walk out of the dormitory, already strapped up and armed to the teeth. A week has passed since my conversation with Xaden and he’s been distant for almost all of that time, even cancelling our training twice without so much as a flimsy excuse. It has me a little on edge—the wait—but I’m taking each day as it comes, hoping against hope—against the odds—that he’ll fold.

The sun is shining as we head outside to formation, taking our place with Penley and Ciaran beside Violet’s squad. Today marks the beginning of the War Games and I’m a little anxious given that I still can’t hold my seat through a lot of manoeuvres and I’m still yet to manifest a signet. Honestly, Professor Carr has me thinking I could explode at any time, so I should probably just appreciate the sunshine in case that happens.

The relic on my arm itches like nothing else and refuses to be calmed with my wielding lesser magics anymore, so honestly…he could be right. Gods, if I die waiting on Xaden’s decision, I’m so coming back to haunt him.

“What do you think our assignment is going to be?” I hear Liam ask from my right where he stands next to Violet. “Deigh thinks we’re on offence. He won’t stop going on about getting to kick Gleann’s ass—” He pauses, as if listening to his dragon. “Guess dragons hold grudges,” he finally whispers.

“Fuck yes.” I tell him, “Gleann’s an asshole, he deserves it!” I’ve never forgotten that first flight lesson with Lía where terror had flooded my veins and Gleann had let his rider fall, dropping them into the craggy terrain below without a care. Amusement from Lía filters through to me and I assume she’s with Deigh now, as has become usual for her.

Leadership is gathered ahead of us, getting their assignments from Xaden—Ronan included—and normally I would have already asked him what we were doing, but we haven’t been speaking, so…

“We’re definitely on offence,” Rhiannon chips in. “Otherwise, we’d already be in the field. I haven’t seen a single rider from First Wing since lunch.”

“Fuck.” I groan, tipping my head back. “First Wing—really?” Violet meets my eyes, the same dismay shining in hers. Figures they’d be our first opponent. I’ve only glimpsed Vaughan twice since that day in the courtyard, but I’d be happy to avoid him forever if the gods would let me. I guess Zihnal isn’t on my side today.

Anything goes during the War Games and though I’m semi-confident in my ability to take on the burly First Wing rider on the mat, on dragonback, where I struggle to hold my seat and he can channel a signet? It makes me anxious. He’s definitely going to be gunning for me.

“I think she’s right,” Vi tells Liam and I notice her eyes narrow, focusing on Xaden and the rest of the leadership team. A tiny smile curves her mouth and I frown, looking between them as my sister presses her lips together, clearly trying to keep from laughing. What the hell am I missing?

“Did you guys hear from Mira?” Rhiannon whispers, clearly trying to make conversation. I shake my head, a scowl on my lips. “That’s just…inhumane.”

“Like they’d break the no-correspondence rule.” I scoff. "Even if they tried, our mother would have shut that down with a quickness.” She’d probably have stopped Markham from even telling us our sister was alive if she could.

The leadership meeting breaks up and Dain heads over with their squad’s executive officer and Ronan trailing after them. Our squad doesn’t even have an executive officer anymore it’s so small. After the last one died, they’d never been replaced—none of us have the experience anyway. If Ronan’s ever unavailable, we just govern ourselves.

Dain is practically beaming, jittering with nervous energy and I frown, my eyes darting to Ronan. “Offence?” I ask.

“Both.” He answers and tilts his head toward Dain.

“First Wing has taken a defensive position in one of the practice forts in the mountains and they’re guarding a crystal egg,” Dain tells his squad and I snort as I realise Ronan just couldn’t be bothered explaining, so he’s letting Dain do all the talking.

“What are we missing?” Ridoc asks. “Because you guys seemed thrilled about an egg.”

“From past years, we know that eggs are worth more points,” Their executive officer—I really should know her name by now—grins enthusiastically. “Flags have statistically been the lowest, and captured professors rank somewhere in the middle.” A smile lifts my lips. I wonder if Markham’s a captured professor today and the image that conjures up of him being thrown over someone’s shoulder like a sack of potatoes, brings me so much joy.

“But they like to switch it up,” Dain adds. “The same way we could be going for a real objective on the line only to discover it’s not as valuable as we thought.”

“So how is this both offence and defence?” Rhiannon asks. “If they have the egg, then clearly we should go get the egg.”

“Because we’ve also been given a flag to defend and no outpost to do it in.” He grins. “And our squad has been assigned to carry it.”

“And who is going to carry this flag?” Imogen asks. Dain somehow manages to smile even wider. “That’s going to be the fun part.”

My mind is in two places at once, ticking over what I can hear from the group gathered next to us, along with what Ronan is telling me. My squad is merging with another group to go after the egg—we’re too small to be given a job of our own I assume, though I’m not sure why we’ve been picked for this rather than protecting the flag.

We make our way up to the flight field where there are dozens upon dozens of dragons filling the muddy ground, all positioned as though they had formation in their squads, too. It’s easy to spot ours, because Tairn's head rises above all others and I know instinctively that Lía and Deigh will be beside him. There’s a palpable air of anticipation as we walk by the other squads, all mounting as the squad and section leaders give out last-minute orders.

“I feel sick.” I mutter to Sage, leaning into her side as we approach our section of the field.

“You’ll be fine.” She reassures me.

“We’re going to win,” Rhiannon says, whirling around from where she’s walking with confidence beside my sister. “We have Vi and Tairn, Riorson and Sgaeyl. And obviously, me.” She grins. “There’s no way we’re losing this.”

“Thank you so much for that vote of confidence Flame Section,” I say dryly. “We feel so valued over here.” Sage snorts, shaking her head as her sort-of girlfriend grins, continuing on toward our dragons.

“Well, think of it this way—” Violet’s words die in her throat and I raise my eyebrows before turning and following her gaze.

“What the fuck?” I blink, my mouth falling open as I look up at Lía and Tairn, standing side by side with saddles strapped to their backs. Lía chuffs, dropping her head to nudge me with her nose, nearly knocking me over as I stare in shock. Black metal bands, intricately linked together, loop around each foreleg and come together at the front of her chest, rising up over her shoulders to a saddle with strapped, secure stirrups.

“That’s…that’s a saddle.” My sister says and I glance over to where she is standing, staring at Tairn who has a similar (but not entirely the same) design on him.

“That’s cool, is what that is.” Rhiannon thumps her on the back. “And it looks way more comfortable than Feirge’s bony spine, I’ll tell you that. See you up there.” She walks past Tairn toward her Green.

“But…what?” I ask Lía aloud, open mouthed. “How? When?” I splutter. I turn to look at Violet but she’s shaking her head, and by the way Tairn lowers his, blasting her with a puff of steam, I know they must be having a disagreement about it.

“He’s right, you know,” Xaden’s voice rings out behind us and I turn so quickly Lía has to catch me on her nose, lest I topple over backwards. He looks…distracting. I swallow hard, running my eyes over the way his summer flight leathers show off every muscled line of his body.

“No one asked you.” Violet snaps.

“If you don’t use it, I’ll take personal offence.” He folds his arms across his chest and studies the rigging. “Considering I had them made for you two and just about got myself burned alive in the process of trying to get it on him.” He lifts a brow at Tairn. “Even though he helped design it, I might add.”

A small sound of surprise escapes my mouth and when he finally, finally meets my eyes, I feel my heart swell with emotion. I go to open my mouth but I don’t even know what to say. Before I can find the words, his attention snaps to the side again and he glares at Tairn. “How was I to know the leather from the prototype would burn so easily? And it’s not like there are a lot of manuals on fitting a saddle to a dragon,” Xaden drawls.

“It doesn’t matter because I can’t use it.” Violet speaks up and I look from her, to Tairn, and back again. What is she talking about? “It’s beautiful, a marvel of engineering…”

“And?” Xaden asks, that tick in his jaw I’m so fond of appearing as he stares down my sister.

“And everyone here will know I can’t keep my seat without it.” Violet flushes.

“Hate to break it to you Violet, but everyone already knows that.” He gestures to the saddle. “That right there is the most practical way for you to ride. It has straps across your thighs to buckle yourself in once you’re up and theoretically, you should be able to change positions on long flights without unbuckling, since we built in a lap belt, too.”

“Theoretically?”

“He wasn’t amenable to me giving it a test flight. Luckily for you, Lía had no such compunctions or we might not have gotten anywhere at all with it.”

I turn, meeting a single golden eye. “You let Xaden fly with you?”

“Why wouldn’t I?” She returns. “He’s yours.”

My eyes water and I reach out to grip her maw, pulling her tight to my chest. “I’m sorry you have to make this concession for me. I wish you didn’t.”

“Nonsense.” She huffs, blowing steam at me. “I’ve told you before I don’t care for appearances. Why should I let this bother me if it keeps you safe?”

“Look, there’s no rule against it. I checked.” Xaden is telling Violet. “And if anything, you’ll be doing Tairn a favor by freeing up all his power and taking the weight of worry off his mind—and Remi’s.” Xaden’s too presumably, given that if Violet plummets to her death, he dies along with her.

I turn around, my throat tightening as I move over to grab my sister’s shoulders. “I know you don’t want to appear different to everyone else, Vi.” My voice shakes, “believe me, I do. But we already are different. You’ve worked so hard at it, so much harder than everyone else.” Me included. “There’s no shame in needing a little help sometimes. It’s not your fault.”

“It’s not yours either.” She says, her voice thick with emotion. “We didn’t ask for this.” I don’t know if she’s talking about our illness or the fact that we have to force our weaker bodies to stay on a dragon, but the sentiment is the same, either way.

“Please.” I beg her quietly and she relents, a small sigh escaping her mouth as she nods.

“Thank you.” She says over my shoulder and I take a deep breath, turning around to meet gold-flecked onyx once more.

“Is this why you skipped out on my training this week?” I ask him quietly, moving back towards Lía.

“Yes. I wanted them ready in time for this.” He follows me over, stopping a couple of feet away.

“It’s beautiful.” I say, running my hand over the part I can reach on her foreleg.

He steps closer. “I know you’re still struggling.” He says. “I know how much it scares you—falling.” His face hasn’t changed, but his eyes—his eyes are soft. “I don’t want you to be afraid.”

I blink rapidly, trying to force back the tears that threaten to fall. I love him. I love him so much it fucking hurts.

He takes another step forward and I hold my hand up. “Don’t.” I choke out, swallowing back my emotions. “Unless you’ve made up your mind, don’t come any closer, because if you take another step towards me, I’m going to kiss you.” Right here, in front of all these people.

His gaze drops to my lips for a moment and then back up. He looks at me seriously and my breath catches as he takes one step forward and then one more, stopping an inch from my chest. “I’m glad that girl from Threshing is still here.” His hand rises to my face, just barely brushing my cheek. “I don’t deserve her, but if she’ll have me, I’m going to keep her all the same.” My heart stops beating for a moment and everything goes still…then my world realigns and I’m tugging him down, sealing our lips together—kissing him fiercely in the middle of the flight field, in front of everyone.

His arms snake around my waist, pulling me close, and one of my hands threads through his hair, holding him to me as I run my tongue along his. His hands stroke over the small of my back and our kiss gentles as I stumble, Lía’s nose nudging me back into Xaden, keeping us upright.

He chuckles as we part, a small, but genuine smile on his face as he looks down at me. “I hope you’re ready for the backlash that’s coming.”

“Born ready.” I lean up to kiss him again quickly, just because I can.

“Mount up, angel. We have a battle to win.”

I step back from him, a grin on my face as I bite my lip. “About that…” I turn my head to the side until my eyes find Sage. She’s got her hip cocked, leaning against Fionn’s foreleg, watching us with a grin on her face. I raise an eyebrow in question and she laughs, nodding.

“It’s so weird when you do that with someone who’s not your twin.” Xaden murmurs beside me.

A flash of yellow catches my attention in my peripheral vision and I turn to find Dain standing there with a giant yellow flag, the most disconcerted expression on his face I’ve ever seen—and I’ve put a few there. “Oh good.” I clap my hands together, “you’re here.” He looks even more troubled at that, frowning as if he’s not sure whether to run or hit me with the flagpole.

“Not to be presumptuous,” I look back up at Xaden. “But I think we should do a little reshuffle.” Xaden stares at me, amused, the corner of his mouth lifting up.

“Go on.”

“Sage is going with Dain. She’s better served protecting the flag.” We’ve kept her secret as long as we possibly can.

“…why?” To his credit, he doesn’t outright refuse. Liam, Violet, Ridoc and Rhiannon approach us along with the rest of my squad. Rhiannon grins, meeting my eyes and I can’t help it, a laugh escapes me.

“Sage, come here and take this flag.” Dain looks like wants to protest, but is too curious to say no and Morgan starts laughing, knowing what’s about to happen.

“Yes, mum.” Sage chirps and I roll my eyes. Dain warily hands the flag over and I shake with silent laughter. She meets my eyes and we grin for a moment before she disappears, flag and all.

“What the fuck?” Ridoc yelps, looking around. “Did she just fucking teleport?” Morgan and I are laughing aloud now as everyone else looks around, trying to figure out where she went. It goes on for another thirty seconds, Dain looking progressively more stressed the more time that passes with the flag out of his sight. When she shimmers back into existence in the same spot, passing the flag back over, Penley gapes.

“Your signet is invisibility?”

“Camouflage.” I correct.

“That’s how you got in and out of all those places undetected.” Ciaran realises, his eyes narrowing. “How long have you been able to do that?”

“Oh, come on.” I meet Sage’s eyes, laughing aloud. “You all honestly heard I slammed a door into her face hard enough to break her nose and thought nothing of it?” Should I be offended?

Ronan looks unimpressed. “That was months ago.”

“Mmhm.” I agree, rearranging my face into an innocent pout.

“And I don’t suppose you’ve made much use of it at all.” Xaden drawls in my ear, leaning down to flick me in the side.

I grin up at him proudly, stretching up to murmur, “rare abilities, when kept secret, are the most valuable form of currency we possess.” A smile tilts his lips up. See? I listen to you.

“Ok.” He says, turning back to the group. “Aetos, I trust you have no objections?”

“None.” Dain says almost robotically, like his brain is still stuck on the revelation that Sage could be anywhere at any time and he wouldn’t know.

“Good. Keep our flag out of First Wing’s hands.” He says and Violet’s squad, along with Sage, begin to mount their dragons. “All of you…” Xaden’s eyes trail over what’s left of mine. “Let’s go steal an egg.”

My eyes light up. “Wait, we’re with you?” I grin excitedly.

“For now.” He says. “You’re reconnaissance. You’ll peel off when it comes to actually retrieving it.” I’ll take it. I’m just excited I get to fly with him. He and Sgaeyl practice manoeuvres with Violet and Tairn all the time, but he’s rarely ever flown with me.

“Come on,” Lía says and I grin, backing up for the sprint up her lowered foreleg, clambering into the saddle. It’s made from a sumptuous black leather and I marvel at the softness beneath my fingertips. It fits perfectly, or I should say, I fit perfectly in it. There’s two raised pommels for my hands and the stirrups can be adjusted with a buckle system on the straps. I buckle my thighs in and pull my flight goggles down, breathing steadily for a moment.

“Ok.” I tell Lía. “I’m ready.” She launches into the air, following gleefully after Sgaeyl, not holding back even an inch of her speed. “Woah.” I say nervously, gripping the pommels tight. “How sure are we this thing won’t come off?”

“Positive.” She answers, her tone chiding. “I took the wingleader up, remember?” There’s amusement in her tone when she speaks again. “We did barrel rolls.”

“Lía!” I laugh a little.

“He made you cry.” She answers. “A few manoeuvres is the least I’m owed.” My heart warms.

“He did go out of his way to make this for me.” I point out. “And one for Vi, too.”

“I know.” Lía replies. “That’s why I didn’t skewer him on my tail.” I laugh out loud, leaning down to run my hand over her scales, even though I know she can’t feel it.

“Ok then.” I breathe. “Can you still—”

“Warn you if we’re going to dive?” She says. “Of course.”

“Thanks.”

She beats her wings harder, rising faster through the air until her underbelly is level with Sgaeyl’s and then I’m forced to grip the pommels tight, my heart racing as she spins around the Blue, just like she did with Fionn all those months ago. I half expect Sgaeyl to punt us out of the sky, so it’s a testament to their friendship that the Blue only huffs, swinging her tail around to slap against Lía’s side.

I meet Xaden’s eyes as we rise above them, a grin plastered on my face as Lía rolls us over the top of them. I feel myself lift out of the saddle for a single, heart-stopping moment, wide straps over my thighs keeping me in place and then we’re levelling out again, dropping back into formation behind them.

“Want to try a dive?” Lía asks and I shake my head immediately.

“I’m sure we’ll have to eventually.” I say evasively, though a touch of a smile remains on my face. The way my stomach had lurched a minute ago was more than enough of a concession for now. She shoots upward instead and I can feel the glee resonating down our bond, raw unadulterated joy at being able to fly together without her holding back and I feel a little sad once more. I’m grateful for the accomodations she’s made for me since Threshing, I just wish she didn’t have to make them.

Suddenly Xaden and Sgaeyl drop low into the mountain range and I can feel the anticipation thrum between our minds. “Ok.” I breathe begrudgingly, almost certain pushing my boundaries is the only reason our formation is headed down there in the first place.

Lía swoops, not quite vertical at first, and I feel my stomach leap into my throat as usual, my heart pounding as she picks up speed and then finally tips her nose forward, rocketing toward the ground at a speed and trajectory she’d never have dared before now. I’m still scared and I still hate the feeling—like all of my organs have been left behind in the air behind me—but when we level out alongside Xaden and Sgaeyl, I find it hasn’t turned into the same nausea-inducing terror I usually experience.

For the first time ever, I’m in the air without constantly worrying I’m going to fall. It’s almost…freeing. My nose burns a little and I force back the tears that well in my eyes. It would be impractical to cry beneath my flight goggles after all. I turn in the saddle as we begin to climb once more, taking in the other twelve riders following behind, my squad and another.

We soar through the central mountain range and after about ten minutes, Sgaeyl banks left, Lía following after her. When I look back I recognise one of the dragons following us as belonging to Morgan. The other six dragons and their riders, including Ronan, Penley and Ciaran, all bank right, splitting off from our group. I suppose it’s easier to search for the egg this way, covering twice as much ground.

“It’s crystal, right? The egg?” I ask Lía absentmindedly. I hadn’t been paying enough attention when Dain was explaining things. “Kind of feel like Liam’s farsight would have come in handy here, we should have asked for him back.” I grumble.

“And leave Violet unprotected?” There’s humour in her voice. We both know Liam is no longer sticking by her side simply to protect her. I snicker.

“Ok, well—” I’m forced to abandon my train of thought as Lía throws us sideways, rolling through the air with enough speed to give me whiplash. The straps around my thighs dig in hard enough that I’ll probably have bruises tomorrow and it’s another moment before the world rights itself and I’m not just staring at a transient blur of sky-ground-sky-ground.

“What was…” The words die on my lips as I come face to face with a column of fire, Lía flipping us over again to take the hit to her scales, rather than it consuming me. Heat still roars around her sides and I cover my face instinctually.

“Hold on.” Her voice is tight. She tucks her wings in, dropping into a steep dive and I squeeze my eyes shut, gripping the pommels again. She pulls out of the manoeuvre at the last second, gliding along a rocky outcrop before climbing once more, allowing me a view of the battle taking place above us. Five dragons, presumably belonging to First Wing riders, are attacking our formation. Two of them are taking on Xaden alone and I watch as his shadows unfurl, inky blackness submerging him and Sgaeyl as the Red and Brown Clubtails take turns snapping at her.

I’d like to help but I have my own problems right now, the Brown Scorpiontail that just tried to roast me alive, descending through the air towards us. Lía meets him with her teeth, snapping out at the Brown’s legs as she tries to avoid its venomous tail. She rolls around him, fire expelling from her maw and I hold on tight as she pivots, swinging her daggertail down.

The other dragon lets out a roar of fury and when I lean out of the saddle, looking down, I can see she’s caught it in the eye, almost eviscerating the golden eyeball entirely. It peels off to the side and I wonder if that will be it, if the Brown will cut its losses and go, but then I make eye contact with its rider and I know that’s never going to happen.

“It’s fucking Vaughan.” I curse and just as I expected, the Brown does an about-face, rising back through the air. A quick glance tells me the other riders in our group are all engaged in their own squabbles, so I’m on my own and I’ve never felt quite so useless before. I have no signet. There’s literally nothing I can do at this range and I mentally promise myself that the first thing I’m going to do tomorrow is begin learning how to use a crossbow.

I pull a dagger free from my corset, gripping it tightly as I ground one foot inside my mind, power simmering in my veins. I avoid reaching toward the deeper well and just ready a small amount, pulling my hand back. “Drop us beneath them.” I call to Lía and she banks to the side, tucking her wings in. I narrow my eyes in focus, my head tilted back and when we’re beneath the Brown’s extended wings, I let my dagger fly.

My power follows the blade, wrapping around it like a rope and when the sharp weapon pierces the sensitive membranes on the underside of the dragon’s wing, I pull back on it, wrenching the dagger to the side and then down; back into my hand. It screeches—a high, agonised noise—and Lía is forced to take evasive action as the other dragon tilts, only one wing left at full strength.

A blast of fire comes from the left and I startle a little as Morgan’s Orange appears beside us, joining the fight. She nods to me as she holds her hands out, a blast of water flying out at Vaughan, buffeting him. Lía takes the opportunity to bring her tail up and slam it down toward him, sending him careening out of the seat.

I watch in satisfaction as he stumbles on his feet. “Get me closer.” I tell Lía. “I’m going to kill him.” I hold one of my daggers ready as she beats her wings, soaring above him. Just as I ready my blade however, Vaughan tilts his head, looking up at me with a smirk.

I have only a second to wonder what the fuck he’s so pleased about before he’s jumping through the air, falling a few feet before his boots smack onto dusty orange scales. “Fuck!” I curse, watching Morgan turn to face him. My squadmate attempts to hold him back with her signet, but he pushes forward, meeting her with some kind of invisible force.

The Brown Scorpiontail is all over Morgan’s Orange, leaving her little choice but to fight hand-to-hand. There’s nothing Lía can do from here—she can’t risk catching Morgan with her flames—and likewise, I don’t trust myself not to hit her with one of my blades at the speed they’re exchanging blows. Morgan is just as good in combat as the rest of our squad, but Vaughan…he’s a man possessed. He’s also my responsibility.

“Get closer.” I command Lía, re-sheathing my dagger. “I want to be directly above them.” She does her best, but the two squabbling dragons below don’t make it easy. When we’re finally in position, I take a deep breath and reach for the buckles at my thighs.

“No.” Lía argues immediately, her voice terse in my mind.

“I have to help her.” I say, continuing to unbuckle the straps. “He’s only trying to kill her because she’s my squadmate.”

“Remi.” Lía pleads.

“As soon as I’m down there, get underneath them and be ready to catch me.” I tell her, taking another deep breath. I pull myself free, holding onto the pommel with one hand as I shakily lever myself to my feet. “Closer, Lía.” I demand, crouching down.

I raise one hand to the neck of my corset, pressing down harshly over the pendant that rests there. This is less of a distance than any of my jumps from the oak tree had been. I’ve got this. I let my eyes rest on the patch of orange scales behind Vaughan and without thinking, I jump.

It’s not a smooth landing. I stumble on my feet as Morgan’s dragon jerks beneath me, still locked in its own battle with the Brown Scorpiontail. I’m forced into a crouch, my hands slapping onto the scales for balance as I steady myself, my eyes never leaving the back of Vaughan’s neck. When I feel confident enough to stand, I rise, drawing two blades from my corset.

His head turns even as he continues defending against Morgan and I lunge forward, aiming for his spine. He throws out a hand, shoving Morgan back with whatever signet power he possesses and turns, swiping a dagger at my midsection. “I’ve been dreaming about this for months.”

My lip curls up in a snarl and I squeeze my daggers tight in my fists. “I haven’t spared you a single thought.”

His leg lashes out toward me and I’m forced back a step to avoid a kick in the guts. I duck forward, lashing out with my daggers as Morgan rejoins the fight, landing a solid punch to the back of his head. He turns to the side, trying to keep both of us in his sight and I ground one foot inside the box, breathing out slowly.

The next time he lunges towards Morgan, I reach out with my power, looping it around him and pull back, dragging him towards me. Taken off-guard he’s unable to fight it as I reel him in, my other hand lurching up, burying my dagger in his chest cavity. I hold tight for a second, imagining my rope of power pulling, yanking him down further, and the Tyrrish blade Xaden had gifted me cuts through him like a knife in butter.

I look him in the eye, baring my teeth. “I learn from my mistakes.” I let my power fizzle out, curling my hand into a fist. Between one second and the next, his throat is torn open, blood gushing from a gaping wound, ripped apart by the ring on my finger.

My dagger is still buried in his gut and I hear his dragon cry out in fury, but my eyes are glued to his, waiting for the life to leave them. I wrench it up further before tearing it free, sliding it back into place at my ribs. His blood is everywhere, seeping from his abdomen, his throat, even his mouth as he coughs, his lips tilting up in a smirk.

“Fu-ck y-ou, Sorr-engail.” He breathes. The hair on the back of my neck lifts and before I can so much as tense, I’m thrown backward, whatever power he possesses slamming into me. There’s nothing I can do as my body flips and rolls, tumbling down the dragons spine and into the open air. It feels like my brain sloshes around inside my skull and my eyes widen as stomach rises into my throat.

I slam into green scales and my body moves on instinct, my hands scrambling for purchase, a feeling of relief flickering inside me for a split second, as if my heart recognises Lía before my brain can catch up. The relief is short lived. The momentum generated by whatever force Vaughan has hit me with is too much and I slip, tumbling off her side, smacking into her wing before I’m falling through open air once more.

“REMI!”

A terrified scream escapes my mouth and I meet Lía’s eye as she dives after me, her wings tucked in as she races forward, tipping her nose down to try and catch me. I’m looking at open sky, my body tossed about like a leaf on the wind as I fall. “Lía!” It leaves me in almost a sob and it’s like the world around me slows down as I come to the realisation that she’s not going to be fast enough. She’s not going to catch me.

Her maw is open, like she’s hoping to snatch me up in her teeth and I curl in the air, wrapping my arms around my head even though I know there’s no point. Hopefully I won’t even feel it. Something almost like acceptance rushes over me in a wave and I close my eyes.

“I love you.”

I’m expecting it to be over in an instant. I don’t expect the pain.

Sharp waves of agony rattle through my bones as my body slams to a stop, my neck jolting, and I’m forced to let go of my head as it whips forward again. Pain rockets through me, searing every muscle and I cry out as my body jerks before lifting, careening back through the air. Nausea roils in my gut and tears fill my eyes as I grit my teeth, unable to comprehend what’s happening, why I’m still conscious.

A second passes and then another before I slam into something else, a whimper leaving my lips as everything finally, finally goes still. “Amari.” I hear him murmur, almost like a prayer and my eyes fly open, a choked sob leaving my mouth as I take in the inky black shadows surrounding me, cradling me as I shake.

“Breathe.” Xaden says, his arms wrapped around me tight. “Just breathe.” I don’t know if he’s reminding me or himself as he tugs my face to his neck, his hand coming up to cup the back of my head. His chest rises and falls rapidly beneath my own like his heart is racing just as fast as mine is.

“Fuck,” I choke out, pulse still fluttering as I curl my arms around him, clutching him to me. I take another moment, breathing him in while I wait for my heartbeat to slow. The waves of pain wracking through me start to recede a little and I press my lips to the uncovered skin at his neck twice before I pull back, still trembling. I shove my flight goggles up and off my head, staring at him in shock, unable to process what just happened.

“You’re in so much fucking trouble.” He says dryly, tugging my chin up so he can seal his lips to mine. He kisses me deeply, like he’s reassuring himself I’m still there and my heart aches. I meet him with ferocity, desperation flooding my chest as I pour all my love into it.

“I’m sorry.” I whisper when we part, dragging my lips back over his, gently.

“You should be.” His expression darkens. “I didn’t make you that saddle so you could leave it.”

“Morgan needed help.” I protest weakly. “I had to—is he dead?” My head swings around and he grips me tighter as I search frantically for a mass of orange scales.

“He is.” Xaden says evenly and I sag a little in relief, turning in his arms as my vision fills with green.

“Remi,” Lía sounds shaken.

“I’m ok.” I reassure her quickly. “It’s ok. I’m fine.” I’m sore and I definitely have whiplash from what I now realise was Xaden’s shadows catching me before I hit the ground, but I’m alive and I can’t ask for more than that.

“You scared me.” Her voice is smaller than I’ve ever heard it.

“I’m sorry.” I apologise again. “I just wanted to help Morgan.” Between the fear in her voice and what I saw in Xaden’s eyes, I feel so guilty I almost promise to never do anything like it again, but being untruthful won’t help anyone. “I’m sorry.” I repeat.

“We still have a battle to win.” Xaden’s voice is tight and I know this discussion isn’t over. There’s anger warring with relief in his gaze and he allows himself a single moment to run a thumb over my cheekbone before he’s shifting back, rising from the seat as he pulls me to my feet.

He draws in a breath and his hand tightens on my forearm almost imperceptibly as he steadies himself. “Lía’s going to drop below us and you’re going to jump.” He tells me, wrapping his arm around my waist. “Violet’s found the egg and Liam’s in trouble.” I jolt a little at that, looking up at him with wide eyes. “Are you—”

“Yes.” I cut him off, straightening my spine. “I’m good. I’ve got this.” I breathe out slowly, stepping along Sgaeyl’s wider bulk carefully for a moment, peering down to Lía hovering below. Black shadows rise around her, just like that day at Montserrat two weeks ago and my heart softens a little. “Let’s go.” I squeeze his hand for only a moment before turning, leaping into the air.

I land in a crouch, one hand already reaching for the leather pommels and I quickly move into the saddle, glancing up quickly to nod at him as I pull the straps tight around my thighs, fumbling a little in my haste. “Go Lía.” I tell her, “Get to Liam, now.” Sgaeyl’s already shot forward along the ridgeline and she lurches after her, powerful wingbeats rocking my aching body in the saddle as she tears after the Blue.

I turn slightly to find Morgan following close behind, her orange matching Lía for speed. She pulls alongside us and even at a distance I can see the sharp nod she sends me in thanks. I count the rest of our mismatched squad and find we’re missing a rider. I can only hope they’ve been sent to link up with the others, rather than having been killed in the fight.

“How far are we?” I ask Lía anxiously.

“A few minutes at most.” It’s better than I’d hoped for. “When we get there, we’re to peel off and help your sister’s squad with Morgan and Roan, the others will go after the egg.” I suppose that depends on what we find once we get there. If Liam’s in serious trouble, I doubt Xaden’s going to give a damn about the egg, no matter what his orders are.

Morgan and I have picked up enough speed that we’re now flying nose-to-tail with Sgaeyl, the rest of the squad having fallen behind a little as Lía and the Orange—Roan, I know now—push themselves to their limits. I can see a riot of dragons on the horizon and I pull my blades free, readying myself for battle.

“You will not unseat yourself again.” Lía’s tone brokers no argument and I swallow hard, trying to send her a feeling of reassurance. We’re almost there when lightning splits the sky with a terrifying clap of thunder and my heart leaps into my throat. Panic sears through my veins as it slams into the mountainside, sending rock and debris flying into the air.

“No.” I whisper, remembering that day on the parapet. “No, no, no.” Because all I can think is that my mother has used the war games as a cover to take out my sister, the way she failed to on Conscription Day. All doubts of her guilt have fled my mind and I’m paralysed by overwhelming fear. There’s an unmistakable roar that can only belong to Tairn and my heart sinks.

“Please tell me it’s not her.” I beg Lía. “Please.” She only pushes herself faster.

When we draw close, she dips beneath the still-warring dragons, banking away from Sgaeyl and Xaden. I stare at what’s left of the mountainside, my mouth falling open a little at the pure destruction one bolt of lightning has left behind.

As we approach Tairn, my frantic eyes find my twin atop his spine and I sag in relief, exhaling sharply. Thank you Zihnal. Lía pulls us alongside them and I assess my sister’s tear-streaked face, the way she’s staring at her hands almost listlessly. “Violet!” I call, drawing her attention. “Are you ok?” She stares at me, almost uncomprehending.

“Yeah.” I can barely hear her over the wind.

“Where’s Liam?”

She physically shakes herself, almost like she’s attempting to restart her brain. “He’s…Rhiannon took him.” She calls. “He’s hurt.”

“The lightning was her.” Lía says, her tone surprised. “She wielded it.” A lightning wielder? That’s…rare. Really rare.

“Ok.” I look up as Fionn flickers into existence above us, red scales shining in the afternoon light. The other dragons Lía and I had ducked beneath begin to falter, separating midair, back into their squads.

“Xaden has the egg.” Sage calls down to us. “Let’s get back.” I nod, still trying to process the fact that Liam is hurt, hurt enough to abandon the games—and Violet clearly manifested her signet in response, annihilating half a mountain.

We wait for Tairn to turn before we follow and I glance behind me only once to catch sight of Sgaeyl’s navy-blue scales, feeling exhausted all of a sudden. It’s only a few minutes from there to the flight field and when we touch down amongst all the other dragons, I slip the buckles free from my thighs, sliding out of the saddle and down to the ground.

Was it really only an hour or so ago we left here? It doesn’t feel like it. I feel like I’ve aged a year since then. I guess what’s what almost dying does to you. I move around to meet Lía’s gentle nudge, kissing her scales softly.

“I’m sorry I scared you today.” I tell her.

“I know.” It’s quiet for a moment. “Deigh says Liam was stabbed, but he’s alive.”

Today had too many close calls. I wonder if this is what it’s always going to be like, being a rider. The continuous threat of losing someone you care about, unceasing anxiety every time they go into battle. This is probably why Mira said not to make friends almost a year ago today, before we climbed that turret.

I hear boots hit the ground beside me and I turn to see Violet fall to her knees in front of Andarna, between Tairn’s forelegs. I stroke Lía’s nose one last time before darting over and drawing her into my arms.

“I killed him.” She whispers, staring at the ground in front of her. “He stabbed Liam and I—I killed him.”

“It’s ok.” I let my palm draw circles over her back. “You’re ok.” I hear footsteps approaching and shoot a glare over my shoulder, halting Sawyer in his tracks. I shake my head and he nods, pulling back and turning around. My heart leaps for a moment as Tairn moves above us, but it’s only his wing curling down, shutting us away from the rest of the flight field.

Violet retches then, losing the contents of her stomach into the mud and I rub her back, stroking a gentle hand over her hair. “You’re ok.” I murmur again.

“I didn’t want to be a killer.” She shakes a little, her fingers gripping my forearms at her waist.

“I know.” I swallow hard. “I know.” She rises to her feet and as Tairn’s wing folds back, I know she wants to appear strong, but I can’t bring myself to let her go yet, one arm remaining wrapped around her, tucking her into my side.

“You need to get some rest.” She says quietly to Andarna and I notice the little feathertail’s eyes drooping.

“You had to…?” I trail off, looking between them.

“Liam was falling. We wouldn’t have caught him if…”

I look up at the little dragon in gratitude. “Thank you.” I tell her softly, my own tumble replaying in my mind. The thought of losing Liam is almost incomprehensible to me, let alone like that.

“Violet?” Another voice calls, one that I know won’t be as easily warned off as Sawyer. “That was you with the lightning strike? The one that took down the tower? I’ve never seen anything like it. I don’t think there’s been a lightning wielder in more than a century—”

I level Dain with a glare, shaking my head minutely. He stops then, taking in her uneasy gait, the blank expression. She chokes again and I rub her back, sheltering her as she whispers, “I killed him. I killed him.”

“It’s ok.” He says hesitantly, eyeing me. “If you don’t want to use that kind of power again, you don’t have to—”

“No.” I shake my head, gritting my teeth and grasp Violet’s face, forcing her to meet my eyes. “Dain means well,” the words taste like ash in my mouth, “but we’re not doing that. We’re not reducing your power to destruction.” I tell her gently. “Every time I’ve taken a life it’s because they’ve tried to kill one of us and I’ve known, given the chance, they’d just get up and try again.” I look at her seriously. “You saved Liam. You saved yourself. You saved whoever they would have gone after next.” I pull her back in, holding her tight.

“I know how much you hate it, because you’re a good person Vi, but this is what it means to be a rider. Sometimes we have to do things we don’t like in defence of those who are innocent, those who cannot defend themselves.” I stroke her hair.

“I don’t want this,” she says. “Rhiannon can move objects through space, Sage can camouflage and Dain has retrocognition,” I watch him tense, “Kaori can bring his imagination to life, and Sawyer can bend metal. Mira can extend the wards. Everyone has a signet that isn’t just useful for battle. They’re tools for good in the world. And I’m just a fucking weapon.”

I draw in a sharp breath. “No.” I tell her firmly. “You’re not a weapon, you possess a weapon, one no different than the daggers at your ribs.” I grip her hands forcefully. “You don’t see it right now, but that signet is a gift.” I let emotion bleed into my voice.

“She’s right.” I turn to find Xaden approaching, Sage and Rhiannon at his heels. He glances sharply at Dain for a moment before continuing forward, coming to a stop in front of us.

“This isn’t primary school. This is war—and you heard me say it once before, but the ugly truth those not on the front lines choose to forget is that there are always body bags in war.” Violet looks up at him desperately. “You might not like it, might even loathe it, but it’s power like yours that saves lives.”

“By killing people?” She says quietly.

“By defeating invading armies before they get the chance to hurt civilians. You want to keep Rhiannon’s nephew alive in that little border village? This is how. You want to keep Mira alive when she’s behind enemy lines? This. Is. How. You train this ability, own it, and you’ll have the power to defend an entire kingdom.”

The fight drains out of her and she closes her eyes. “The saddle—”

“They can get them off on their own.” Xaden says. “It was one of Tairn’s many design stipulations.” My lips quirk up at that. “Go to the infirmary and check on Liam,” he practically orders and I huff, rolling my neck. Does he honestly think we’re headed anywhere else?

I step forward, intending to kiss him goodbye—because I can do that now—but he folds his arms over his chest, glaring at me. “You’re still in trouble.” He says and I gape as he turns to walk away without another word. Ass.

Violet snorts, her lips actually twitching up for the first time all afternoon. “What did you do?” She asks quietly, turning to farewell her dragons. Lía’s already returned to the Vale and I wait patiently for Tairn and Andarna to take off too.

“I unbuckled myself and jumped down to Morgan’s dragon to fight Vaughan.”

“You what?!” It’s Sage’s voice that responds as she and Rhiannon fall into step beside us. I give Dain a brief nod as we pass, the only concession I’m willing to offer, and bite my lip. “And then I fell.” I wince at their matching expressions.

“I killed him!” I protest defensively, “but he managed to throw me off. Lía tried to catch me, but she wasn’t fast enough. If Xaden hadn’t been there…”

“He saved you?” Violet asks, a soft smile on her lips.

“He caught me with his shadows.” I confirm, reaching up to rub the back of my neck where it throbs. The pain is worsening as the adrenaline drains out of me. “If he’d been even a second later…”

“You and Liam,” she shakes her head, “honestly.” A small grin tilts my lips as we head through the tunnel and out into the courtyard.

“Hey, at least we won.” Rhiannon comments with a grin, her arm tossed over Sage’s shoulders.

“Oh yeah.” I brighten a little at that. “What do we get for winning? A day off classes or something?”

Sage snorts. “Uh…no.” She shakes her head. “Just glory.”

My eye twitches. “I hope you’re joking.” I can tell by the way she laughs that she isn’t. Seriously, people died for this and our prize is glory? Fuck this place, honestly.

Our paths diverge at the rotunda as Violet and I head towards to the infirmary, not wanting to inundate them with too many people who didn’t need to be there. When we walk in it’s only slightly chaotic and I head straight for my regular bay, knowing instinctively that Winifred and Nolon would have put him there. He’s sleeping—or unconscious—when I pull the curtain back and I make my way around to the trolley, reaching into the third drawer for a pain reliever.

“Remi!” Violet laughs, shaking her head as I down it in one go.

“What?” I snort. “Slamming into shadows only hurts marginally less than slamming into a mountainside,” I inform her, looking up when she doesn’t reply. Her gaze is fixed on Nolon across the room where he’s mending a girl with what looks like a skull fracture. Gnarly. The longer she stares though, I realise it’s not about the injury at all. “Vi,” I call quietly, reaching out to touch her arm.

“It’s stupid.” She tells me, her voice low. “But I just…” She takes a deep breath. “All this time, I had this tiny, driving hope that I would be like Brennan, and that would be the twist in my little fable. That my signet would be mending, and I could put all the broken things back together. But instead, I’m made to split them apart.”

I let my hand slip down to grasp hers. “I said something similar to you once. That all I’m good for is hurting people.” I tell her quietly. “Do you remember what you told me?” She shakes her head. “You told me I think I’m only destructive, but if I wield that destruction correctly, it can be a strength.”

She smiles, just a little. “That night in the courtyard.” She looks up at me, a tiny grin growing on her face. “I guess Xaden was right that night too…he really does know what you like.” A laugh leaves her mouth as I shove her, bumping her to the side with my hip as I groan.

She laughs a little more, rounding the bed to take the seat by Liam’s side. “Hey Vi…” I walk forward, coming to a stop in front of her. “It’s going to be ok, you know?” I reach out to hold her to me, one last time, clutching her head to my abdomen. “I’m really glad you’re here.”

She wraps her arms around my waist. “I’m glad you’re here too, Rem.”

“Try and get some sleep tonight.” I murmur. “And a shower. Win won’t mind if you use her quarters, it’s not far.” And I don’t think Liam’s waking anytime soon. I know a drug-induced sleep when I see one.

“I’ll see you in the morning.” She says, reaching out for her boyfriend’s hand.

I smile a little, before turning on my heel, searching the bays for Winifred. I find her stitching a brunette cadet’s hand up three bays down and subconsciously pass her the correct dressing and tincture as she finishes it off. “I miss having you as my assistant.”

I laugh a little. “I miss not risking my life everyday.”

She snorts at that. “You seem in one piece today?” She steps back out of the bay, looking me up and down.

“Only because my boyfriend saved me from going splat.” I reply dryly, shaking my head.

“Boyfriend, hmm?” We walk towards the next bay.

My lips twitch. “You definitely already knew.” She shrugs and I take it as confirmation and approval in one. It’s almost a relief—the approval of her and Nolon means a lot to me, given they’re essentially my chosen parental figures.

“How’s Liam?” I change the subject.

“He’s fine.” Winifred smiles. “It was through and through, just in the side. Hardly anything compared to the injuries you come in here with.” She says pointedly. “Unlike you, however, I dosed him with a sleeping draught. He won’t be waking until morning—”

“And he’ll be sore for a few days.” I finish. I breathe out slowly. If Liam had died today, I don’t know what I would have done. And Violet…I don’t know how she would have survived it either, she loves him so much already.

“I’d better go.” I say tiredly, leaning in to hug her. “Can you say hello to Nolon for me?”

“Do it yourself.” His voice rings out behind me and I spin, a smile on my face as he wraps his arms around me. “You’re not injured?”

“Just whiplash.” I tell him quietly, elaborating at his enquiring look. “I fell from Lía. Xaden caught me with his shadows.” His eyebrows raise and he places a hand on the back of my neck, humming softly. There’s nothing to be mended, so there’s not much he can do, but the ache does soothe a little.

“You tore the ligament a little.” He says chidingly and I blink in surprise.

“The anterior longitudinal?”

He shakes his head. “Transverse. Does anywhere else hurt?” He asks sternly and I shake my own in return. I have a full-body ache actually, that the tonic I drank a few minutes ago is slowly soothing away, but that’s to be expected.

“I’m good, I promise.”

“Come back down if your range of motion feels strained.” He tells me and I smile.

“I will.” I tell him honestly. “Can you guys check on Violet later for me?” I bite my lip, a little worried still, as I lower my voice. “Her signet manifested…she’s a lightning wielder.” They look at me in surprise. “She’s a little upset about it.”

“It’s a great signet.” Winifred points out.

“But not much use for anything other than battle.” I say quietly.

“Well battle is where she’s going, bonded to that boy of yours.” My lips twitch. She’s not wrong. He’s definitely not getting a midland post next year.

“I’d better go,” I tell them softly. I’m still half-covered in Vaughan’s blood and I’d really like a bath. “I’ll see you soon.”

A few minutes later I’m up the stairs and crossing the rotunda when I run into Dain again.

“Is she…?”

I sigh, praying for patience. “She’s ok.” I study him for a moment in silence, taking in the hard lines on his face, the scowl on his lips. “Look Dain,” I exhale heavily, “You and I might hate each other but we have one thing in common, so I’m going to give you a little advice. You missed your chance with Violet—” He opens his mouth to speak and I hold my hand up with a glare. “No, seriously, you missed your chance and if you don’t want to lose her as a friend you need to accept that and move on.”

Because regardless of how he’s acted lately, the way he’s pissed her off by treating her like fragile porcelain, my sister once loved this man. They’ve been side by side since they could walk and I know the loss of his friendship hurts her. “She’s an incredibly capable woman now. She can handle herself.” I look at him seriously.

“I know that.”

“Great.” My voice is stern. “And Liam makes her happy. He’s a good guy, regardless of the mark on his arm. I know you hate Xaden and honestly, I don’t care,” I grin a little, “but Liam isn’t Xaden and if you want to remain friends with Violet, you’re going to have to accept that he’s not going anywhere.”

He almost looks…lost. “A mark on their arm—a reminder of what their parents did—doesn’t define them.” He remains silent, like he’s lost in thought, so I consider it a good deed done and turn to leave.

“Can I give you some advice?”

I look over my shoulder. “If you must.”

“It’s not the mark on Xaden’s arm that worries me.” He says quietly. “Be careful, Remi.”

“I always am.” We both know that’s a lie.

I continue through the rotunda, winding my way up the stairs to my room. Whatever he thinks of Xaden doesn’t concern me. He doesn’t know him like I do. 

Chapter Text

💫      🐉      ⚔️      🔥      🖤

After I’ve washed away the blood and grime from my skin and I’m clad in my cotton sleeping clothes, I come back to an empty room and sigh, closing my eyes. He’s probably still busy, but an anxious, insecure part of me is worried.

I hang my freshly washed corset from the door handle to dry and organise my weapons, laying them all out atop my desk. I even repack my bag for the next day and reorganise my art supplies before I huff, rolling my shoulders in agitation.

I groan aloud, shoving a dagger into one of my boots and head for the door. This is ridiculous. Sometimes I really hate the way my brain works. I quickly make my way up to Bodhi’s room, knocking on the door impatiently. It’s not that late, but when he opens it, he looks disgruntled.

“Rem?” He asks, confused, as he looks me up and down. “What are you doing here?”

“I’ve never been to Xaden’s room.” I blurt. He’s always come to mine and I’d assumed that was because he could sneak out whenever he wanted with no one the wiser. If he let me come to his room, he’d have to ask me to leave in the morning and that would just be uncomfortable for everyone. Now though…

Bodhi raises an eyebrow. “Putting aside how weird that is, when you’ve been dating for months…and?”

“And I need you to tell me where it is.” I huff, because it should be obvious.

Bodhi’s eyes narrow and he crosses his arms over his chest, leaning against the doorframe. “And why hasn’t he come to you?” He asks, easily deducing that I’ve managed to piss his cousin off somehow. “I heard you two made a bit of a statement this morning.”

I roll my eyes. “Did you also hear that I fell from my dragon and almost splattered my brains across the mountain range?”

His eyes widen. “Are—”

“I’m fine.” I cut him off, “Xaden caught me.” I bite my lip. “But now he’s pissed.”

“You’re not telling me the whole story.” Bodhi says immediately.

I shift uncomfortably. “Fine.” I huff. “I fell after I unbuckled myself from the saddle he specifically made to keep me safe, so I could jump down to Morgan’s dragon and fight Vaughan hand-to-hand.”

“Remi!” Bodhi groans.

“I know!” I grit my teeth. “I know, ok!” A well of emotion rises up in my chest. I hate it when people are mad at me. I know they all just worry about me, but I did the right thing, I know I did. “I just—just tell me where it is.” I beg him. “Please?”

His face softens. “Come here.” He reaches out, drawing me close and tucking my face into his neck. When his arms tighten around me, I might shake, just a little. Bodhi gives the best hugs. We stay like that for a moment before he pulls back, his hand squeezing my bicep. “I’m glad you’re ok, Rem.” He says softly. “Go up a floor and all the way to the end of the hall. It’s the last room on the left.”

“Thank you.” I smile slightly, slipping from his grip to turn on my heel, making for the staircase. I wind my way up and through the arched door that leads to the third-year floor, taking in the high vaulted ceilings. The hallway is long and I quickly make my way down it and to the end, reaching out to knock on the farthest door.

Before my fist can even make contact, it’s swinging open, and my eyes meet gold-flecked onyx. He’s only wearing a pair of lightweight cotton pants, a towel slung over his shoulder and as he steps back, I take in the expanse of tawny skin on display and the way his hair is slightly damp.

I move past him, stepping into his room so he can shut the door again. It’s twice as big as mine and so is the bed. It’s ridiculous that we’ve been squeezing into mine for months when we could have been in here. There’s a table and chairs in the corner and a dark grey rug beneath my feet—it’s soft, I find when I kick my boots off, sinking my toes into it.

He clears his throat, dropping the towel over the chair at his desk and before he can say anything, I’m reasoning, “I know you’re mad, but—”

“I was just about to come down to your room.” He interrupts, running his hand through his damp hair pointedly.

“Oh.” I flush, red overtaking my cheeks.

“I am mad. Furious. But if you think I’m spending the night without you in my arms after I almost lost you today, you’re delusional.”

My mouth falls open and I blink in disbelief. “Wow.” I draw out the word. “You say such nice things about me, I can definitely see why I fell in love with you.”

He freezes, his eyes widening and my heart squeezes in my chest at the disbelief reflected in them.

“Don’t look at me like that,” I say softly, stepping in close so I can reach my hand up to his cheek. “You can’t honestly tell me you didn’t know?” My voice is gentle. “You built a saddle for me, just so I wouldn’t be afraid. You caught me when I fell—”

“Probably not the time to remind me.” He cuts in reflexively, his voice distant as he continues to stare in disbelief.

I smile softly.

“I love you, Xaden Riorson.” My hand slips down to rest over his heart. “And there’s nothing you can say or do that will change that.” I hold his gaze.

“Angel…” He makes a strangled sound in his throat. “You make it so hard to be mad at you.” And then he’s tugging me close and kissing me furiously, his hands tangling in my hair. He tilts my head back, his palm sliding down to the back of my neck, and I melt into him, parting my lips so he can run his tongue along mine.

He kisses me fiercely, with almost the same desperation he had hours ago, after I’d fallen. It’s almost like he’s trying to reassure himself again—that I’m still here, that this is happening—and I meet him with equal ferocity, determined to make him believe me, to feel how much I mean it. How much I love him.

His fingers grip my hair tighter as he kisses his way down my throat, sucking marks into my skin and I gasp, arching into him. “Say it again.” He demands, scraping his teeth over my neck. I laugh softly, shaking my head as he trails his mouth back up to mine. “I love you.” I pull him inexplicably closer and press our foreheads together. I don’t mind that he hasn’t said it back. He doesn’t need to voice it. I know.

He claims my lips again, his hands falling down to my hips and I let my palms slide up to his ribs, thumbs stroking gently over the soft skin there. When we part for air, I pull my shirt off, dropping it to the ground. I hadn’t bothered with underwear beneath my sleeping clothes and his breath hitches as he takes in my bare breasts.

Slowly, I step back, sliding my pants down my legs. “Don’t be mad.” I say, my lips ticking up into a smirk. “Let me make it up to you.”

His eyes darken. “Oh don’t worry angel, you’re going to.” His voice drops an octave and I shiver, the hair on my arms rising. I wait for him to take his pants off but he remains still, running his eyes over my body. When I step forward, my hands reaching for his waistband, he shakes his head. “No.”

Shadows race away from the walls, filling the room with streaks of darkness and I shudder as they slide over my skin, pressing against me. “On the bed.” My gut tightens instantly at the command in his tone. I’m still for a moment, my brain processing, and his shadows start to herd me, pushing me backward until my knees hit the mattress.

I fall back into his sheets, sprawled out on the mattress with my head on his pillow, and my skin heats at the feel of his shadows on my skin, creeping up my thighs. I’m surrounded by his scent—mint and citrus filling my senses as I gaze up at him with hooded eyes.

He still hasn’t moved, remaining motionless by the door and I shiver beneath his stare, waiting. His shadows are creeping up over my skin, caressing me like phantom hands, and as they skirt up over my breasts, towards my throat, I shudder, tipping my head back.

All of a sudden I’m thrown back to that day by the lake where his shadows had restrained me, keeping me utterly still. They press down on me now, keeping my hands firmly in place, tangled in the sheets. I gasp as two of them grasp my legs, pulling firmly until they’re spread apart, my knees held in place on the bed.

“Xaden?” I ask anxiously, half-protesting. I try to meet his eyes, but the shadows around my neck tilt my head back, pressing it into the pillow.

“Relax, angel.” His voice gentles and I feel a hand trail up my side—skin or shadow, I can’t tell. It must be his power I assume, as the slow touches continue over my legs and torso, far too many of them for it to be really him.

I squirm, shuddering as the shadows tease me, stroking up my inner thigh and over my hip. My heart is beating a staccato in my chest and I whimper as I feel the softest of touches over my clit. My hips jerk, rolling upward, but there’s nothing there for me to move against and it’s then that I realise what game we’re playing.

Xaden has two favourites in the bedroom. One is to make me come as many times as possible, trying to beat his own personal record of how many times he can bring me to completion in one night before I’m too exhausted to continue. The second is where he brings me to the edge as many times as he possibly can, but never over—not until I’m writhing and crying, begging him to let me come. Tonight it seems he’s more interested in the latter.

I feel so exposed, so vulnerable spread out like this, in a way I’ve never been with anyone before—restrained, unable to even see him while he can see all of me. Blood thrums in my ears and my muscles start to tense. It’s a testament to how much I trust him, that I know instinctively that I’m safe and I can close my eyes, allowing myself to simply feel.

Light hands cup my breasts, thumbs flicking over my nipples and I moan, my head jerking to the side as I press myself up into his shadows. There’s another hand between my legs, stroking gentle circles over my clit and I roll my hips, gut tightening.

I feel power thrum beneath my skin and I’m hot all over, flushed and covered in a light sheen of sweat already. The shadows skate over me in a caress, stroking through my arousal as one continues to circle my clit. I can feel his eyes on me like a brand, and it only heightens the desperate feeling crawling under my skin.

The phantom hand moves faster now, the sensation almost overwhelming as it works my clit in quick, tight movements, another stroking just inside me, parting my lips. I thrash in the grip of his power, feeling my gut tighten and let out a choked-off moan as suddenly all that sensation disappears.

“Xaden!” I gasp, furious.

“Don’t be upset, angel.” His voice is closer now. “You brought this on yourself.”

I pant, closing my eyes. I know better than to argue when we’re playing this game.

Fingers trail up my leg, warmer this time—skin—and I can feel him hovering over me. “I’m going to make you regret being so reckless.” A finger dips inside me and I arch upward, rolling into his touch. He moves slowly, gently; slipping it in and out as I pant. He trails the wetness up over my stomach and to my breasts, circling my nipples playfully. “When I’m through with you, you’ll think twice before ever doing something like that again.” I moan, rolling my neck as I try again to pick my head up, to look down.

His finger returns to my heat, working inside me once more and when he presses a second in alongside it I keen, arching into him. He holds them there, unmoving, as his mouth presses gentle kisses to my hips. He takes his time, laving his tongue over my skin as he works his way up to my breasts, sucking a nipple into his mouth. I moan breathily, straining against the dark restraints, trying to get my hands free.

“You’re rather quiet, angel.” He tugs on the other nipple with his teeth, drawing another loud moan from my lips. “Nothing to say?”

I glare up at the headboard, wishing I could focus all my frustration on him. When I speak, it’s through grit teeth. “What do you want to hear?”

He laughs, curling his fingers up and my breath catches in my throat. “How sorry you are. How much you love me. How you’ll never do it again.” His thumb swipes over my clit and I whimper, my nerves lighting up.

“I-I already told you I was sorry,” I gasp, arching my spine as he presses his fingers deeper. “And how much I love you.” My eyes screw shut and I moan wantonly as he presses against my sweet spot with his fingers, my gut tightening. He swirls his thumb again and my arousal coils tighter and tighter as I roll my hips against the restraints keeping me in place.

When he works a third finger in, I’m panting, my heart racing in my chest as his mouth presses against my neck, sucking gently. He works bruises into my throat with tongue and teeth and I tighten around his fingers as he kisses the skin behind my ear. “Are you going to do it again?” He murmurs, his breath warm against the shell of my ear.

I’m so close, my heart rate skyrocketing as his thumb presses down firmly and then curls his fingers. “N-no.” I answer, stuttering, and just like that he stops, pulling away.

“Liar.”

I whimper, thrashing against the sheets as his touch disappears. I was so fucking close. The whine I let out is almost embarrassing as I tip my head back further, closing my eyes. “Xaden,” I beg, taking a shuddering breath.

He waits silently for a moment, long enough that I’ve come down from my high, so I won’t climax as soon as he touches me—how long he has to wait, he knows from experience. “Please.” His hands return to my sides, palming my ribcage gently as he presses kisses to my torso.

Slowly, he drags his fingers through my wet arousal, stroking lightly over my flesh. I make an annoyed noise in my throat, huffing as he rolls his fingers softly over my clit again. “Don’t be like that, angel.” He croons. “I thought you were going to make it up to me. That is what you said, isn’t it?”

I rock my hips into his hand. “I can’t—make it up to you—if I’m stuck like this,” I pant, pulling frustratedly at the restraints.

“Oh you definitely can.” He says wickedly and I tense, goosebumps breaking out all over my skin. His fingers pull away and suddenly his hand is pressing against my chest, holding me in place as he hovers over me, shadows retreating.

My head tips forward, my eyes finally meeting his. They’re smouldering, his pupils dilated as he looks down at me. He’s naked now and immediately I lift my hands to touch, but think better of it, freezing in place. I know him far too well. His eyes practically glitter as I drop them back to the mattress and I know I’ve made the right choice.

“Good girl.” A desperate noise catches in my throat and I force it down as I stare up at him, lips slightly parted, waiting. He brings a hand up to cup my chin, his thumb catching on my lower lip. He presses it into my mouth just slightly and I wait, knowing he’s about to tell me what he wants.

His voice is low when he speaks, a rasp to it that has sparks of desire shooting straight to my core. “You’re going to lay there with your legs spread and hold still.” He commands. “You’re not going to touch, you’re not going to roll your hips—you’re going to take whatever I give you and maybe, if you’re good, I’ll let you come.”

I suck in a sharp breath, staring at him in disbelief, his thumb still pressed between my lips. My tongue runs over it as I speak. “I’ll do what you want. I’ll even beg you,” my eyes narrow, “but you will be letting me come after this because if you don’t, I swear to god your cock will not be coming anywhere near me ever—” He cuts me off with a kiss and I can feel him smiling against my lips as he tangles his hand in my hair.

“Don’t worry, angel.” He says against my lips as we part. “I plan on getting you to at least four.”

I scoff. “Well you’d better get a move on then, because by my count, you’re already at minus-two.”

He smiles bemusedly, his lips twitching, and I’m not imagining the appreciation in his eyes as he runs them over my body, settling himself back on his heels between my legs. “There you are, my little spitfire.” He chuckles. “I was getting worried.”

I roll my eyes. “Xaden.” It comes out through grit teeth. “If you don’t touch me in the next ten seconds, I’m going to go for that sword rack and—oh!” A loud keen escapes my lips as he drops onto his stomach, dragging his tongue over my clit.

“Fuck.” I curse, my eyes rolling back in my head as he seals his mouth around it, sucking gently. “Oh,” I shudder, my mind going blank as he dips his tongue inside me. “Please,” I quiver, warring with the instinct to rock my hips, to tighten my thighs around him. Obediently, I remain still, digging my fingers into the sheets.

His fingers stroke up over the delicate flesh at the top of my thighs and I spread my legs wider in encouragement, pleasure building along my nerves, buzzing steadily beneath my skin. “Xaden,” I moan, twisting a little against the mattress as I beg.

He pulls back, pausing for a moment to smirk up at me. His lips are wet and swollen, and I moan again, feeling my skin heat. “It’s a good thing we’re not keeping this a secret anymore.” It takes a moment for his words to register and when they do, I flush bright red.

He chuckles at my embarrassment, dropping a gentle kiss to the inside of my thigh before moving his mouth back to my clit, grazing his tongue over it as he presses two fingers back inside me. I whimper, screwing my eyes shut and he draws back again. “You taste—so—fucking—good.” He punctuates each word with a swirl of his tongue and I can’t hold my moans back this time, keening loudly into his pillow.

“Fuck,” I sob, tears filling my eyes as strokes his fingers in time with his tongue and the effort to remain still becomes almost painful. “Please, Xaden.” I beg, my chest heaving as my heart races.

“Please what, angel?”

“I want to come.” I gasp. “Please, I want to come on your cock.”

His eyes darken. “Have you learnt your lesson?”

“Yes.” I whine and in an instant, he’s above me, his cock pressing into me slowly as he picks up my legs, wrapping them around his hips.

“You’re so fucking beautiful, Remi.” He strokes over my ribs gently as he sucks my lower lip into his mouth, dragging his teeth across it. He rolls his hips, driving his cock into me inch by inch and my answering moan is swallowed up by his mouth.

“So perfect.” He compliments and I pull my knees up higher, settling him deeper between my thighs. I’m still fisting the sheets, my hips still as he rolls his own, and he chuckles softly. “You can move.” He kisses me again.

I don’t waste a second, reaching up to tangle my fingers in his hair as I rock my hips, encouraging him to thrust. I clench around him tightly, drawing a ragged moan from his lips, and adjust our angle so he’s hitting that spot that makes my legs shake every time.

His hips snap forward at a frantic pace and I pant, chasing my climax as heat spreads under my skin. The tension coils tighter and tighter in my gut as he gasps and then groans, “Remi.”

My thighs tremble and as his teeth scrape against my throat, I fall over the edge, my back arching as I come with his name on my lips. He moans as I shake apart, my walls spasming around his cock, squeezing him tight.

My nails rake over his back as I clutch him to me, a choked sob escaping as he presses me down into the mattress, hips snapping as he buries himself inside me, still hitting that perfect spot that makes me shudder. I moan, my head tipping back as his shadows materialise, reaching down to stimulate my clit.

“Fuck, fuck, Xaden.” I gasp. “I love you,” the words leave my lips as an exaltation, a glorification of the man above me and I cry out as I topple over the edge again, gripping his shoulders tight as waves of fire roll through me; a second, even stronger orgasm lighting up every nerve ending in my body.

A startled moan escapes his mouth and then he’s burying his teeth in my shoulder, biting down as his hips jerk and he comes inside me, groaning into my skin. I shudder against him, raking a hand through his hair as we come down, collapsing onto the bed together on our sides.

I can barely think straight as I press my body to his, wanting to be as close as possible. I’m oversensitive and it feels like I’m vibrating from the inside out, shaking apart. We’re still joined, one of my thighs thrown over his as I press our foreheads together, breathing in his air. “I love you.” I murmur again, just in case he doesn’t believe it yet. “Even if you—” I pause, brow furrowing as my brain stalls. My hands have slid back down over his shoulders, pulling him to me in a tight embrace, but it’s what lies beneath my fingertips that concerns me—or rather, what doesn’t.

We’ve been together long enough for me to know intimately what his skin feels like beneath my touch, the location of every single one of the hundred and seven scars adorning his back. The scars that are now simply gone, smooth skin all that remains beneath my grip. “Amari,” I breathe, scrambling away from him, a hand coming up to cover my mouth.

“Rem?” He asks sharply, concerned.

I blink furiously, a low whimper escaping my mouth. “I-I think I…” I swallow harshly, my heart sinking as I meet his eyes. “I think I did something.”

He sits up, looking at me seriously, though his brow is furrowed. He reaches out towards me and I shake my head. “I—your back.” I force out. He frowns, reaching behind himself. His eyes widen and then he’s slipping from the bed, stepping quickly over to the mirror by his armoire. He cranes his head, snapping his fingers to bring a mage light to life when the light of the moon isn’t enough.

I flinch, closing my eyes against tears as he turns back toward me. “Remi,” he says gently. “Look at me.” I shake my head, keeping my eyes firmly shut as the tears spill over, running down my cheeks.

He laughs softly and I shake as I feel his hands on my face, pulling me close. “Angel,” he says quietly, “why are you crying?”

“I don’t know,” I whimper as he holds me to him, wrapping his arms around my shoulders. “I altered your body without permission.” I sniffle, “You said they were a reminder like it was something important to you, and I took that away.” Silent tears stream down my cheeks and he chuckles, running a hand through my hair.

“Look at me.” He says firmly, tilting my chin up. He waits until I’ve opened my eyes, blinking up at him where he stands in front of me. “Don’t cry,” he chides, wiping my tears. “You didn’t take anything.” He laughs gently. “You mended it.”

I frown, uncomprehending. “I…”

“I felt it zip through me when you came,” I flush a little at that, swallowing. “I just didn’t realise what it was at first.”