Archive of Our Own ^beta

In italian

“You came!”

He could not stop his emotions when he saw him on his typical walk and arrived at the bandstand. A place that had welcomed their laughter and observed their discussions-  what else would it seen today?

The angel hoped in one word: shelter.

When he saw him, the angel was not ashamed to think of a single word that seemed in vibes with the warmth he felt in his chest, as if he had been in the absence of something inside him in those years. And despite the tension and anxiety surrounding him, his shoulders relaxed and only one word was appropriate: Crowley was home.

It was first day of spring that still carried a trace of winter in the cool of the air and the bare trees, although some of the green leaves began to be seen between the branches. Small buds of flowers sprouted here and there in the grass, and one of them grazed Crowley’s shoes as he passed for the bandstand. When Aziraphale invited him to that meeting, he was not sure of anything, especially for the fact that years had passed. He had remained with his face turning to the sky and the sun before he could turn and saw if he would arrive.

“I was curious and then after how many years? Four, six? Yes, uhm, so I thought what does a supreme archangel want from a simple demon?”

Aziraphale expected that it would not be easy, he had imagined it and yet that tired tone struck him more than a scream he would have preferred to that indifference.

You still care for me, Crowley?

He threw back the lump in his throat and ignored any unpleasant feelings, clinging to the hope that was intrinsic to his ethereal nature.

“Crowley, you are much more and I’m sorry if...”

“You want my help, don’t you? It is so unbearable up there I suppose” he pointed his finger at the sky and disgust went into his face before he spoke again “Too many rules, too many stubborn angels who do not listen to them, already, nothing new under the sun. Something happened and you want a hand.”

“You were right and yes... you’re right now, but I’m working on it and I’m sorry that will take time but...”

Crowley snorted a laugh and interrupted him.

“Well, good luck.”

He didn’t look at him; his glasses reflected the sun and were pointed at him, but Aziraphale felt he wasn’t looking at him.

“I do not expect help, I just wanted to say that I am working on it because, among the angels who do not listen, some do and deserve my help. I cannot abandon them as I cannot abandon the earth.”

“I know you can’t.”

“And I cannot abandon you.”

He added it in a whisper but tried to look for his gaze which he couldn’t because Crowley shook his head and turned his attention away as he squeezed his lips.

He doesn’t believe me.

“Shut up, I don’t care. I don’t want to hear you...”

“You always have.”

The angel interrupted him with desperation and the demon turned his attention to him, but so cold and distant as he never was.

“Nothing lasts forever.”

Aziraphale stared at him without being able to speak, closing and opening his lips several times intent on letting out a word, a sign... anything to stop him, because Crowley was leaving again.

“I need you!”

But Crowley did not stop, the angel closed his eyes and sighed, took his strength and silencing the pride.

“It is not for heaven that I seek you. I am looking for you!”

Those words made the demon stop even if he didn't turn to him.

“This is why we are here today, to tell you that I am sorry for everything! What you felt, that I saw in your eyes that day I... I wish I could delete that day, but I can’t. The only thing I can do is apologize to you, tell you I’m sorry if you ever want to forgive me.”

He began to tremble and he watched the demon draw a long sigh and finally turn to him.

“What would change, Aziraphale?”

The angel blinked confused, wringing his hands for a few moments.

“I don’t understand...”

“Even if I told you that I forgive you, what would change between me and you, hmm? I will never be the perfect angel you want, I haven’t been for centuries and I don’t want to be anymore.”

He was speaking in such a weary tone that Aziraphale felt a pinch from the heart go up to his eyes and they filled with tears. He was prepared for his anger, for his impulsiveness- he knew his demon and how he underestimated himself, but he had never surrendered for them, not like this.

No arguing had taken them so far like that.

Do you still want me, Crowley, or I’m just a burden for you masquerading as an unwanted memory?

Now with a heavy heart, he compared the idea that perhaps it would not go as he had hoped, the flowers that had bloomed around them would not win on the grey of winter... but it didn't matter. What mattered to the angel was that the demon knew he was not hated by him and his love was still there for him whatever the demon decided to do.

“I don’t want perfection, I have never searched for it.”

He felt his face filled with feeling as he took a few steps toward him, showing himself vulnerable, making Crowley saw his soul through his eyes.

“I see you Crowley, you are always you no matter the side where you are, you are not part of any of them. This has not changed and will never change, my need for you.”

Crowley turned his head away.

“You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope.”

Aziraphale’s heart began to beat fast, recognizing the words of that book.

“Jane Austen, did you read her?”

The demon just nodded.

“Persuasion, my favourite...”

He whispered more to himself than to the demon in front of him, but he answered anyway.

“Mmh, I guess why, but too bad that your choice was different from the novel. You chose them, Aziraphale!”

It was visible a feeling from his old demon and the angel would have been pleased if it had been another occasion and it hadn’t hurt so much.

“I had chosen a place of peace where we could be! Where we shouldn't have to run away! Because we would have fixed it together but you were right... Heaven is lost and there is so much work to do, and I am so sorry but I don’t want it anymore,”

He stopped and swallowed the anxiety that was enveloping his being, sighing and closing his eyes- gathering the courage he needed before he could look at him again.

“I don’t want to sacrifice my happiness in this way and consequently yours. I am here if you...”

“Do you think you can return here after six years and expect everything to be the same, as if you had never left in the first place? Puts a fucking stone on what happened? Do you really believe it?”

The demon abruptly interrupted him, causing him to wince. Crowley had stretched his arms out, moving back and forth in front of him as he spoke.

“I’m sorry, I...”

“Stop saying it! I understand, you don’t have to apologize like that, you don’t owe me anything.”

“Yes, I do! And you deserve my apologies and to know I miss you so much.”

He was opening his heart more than he had ever done, hiding his pride for a much greater feeling that was in him and his thoughts, but would Crowley have seen him despite his anger? He could saw the flames of his eyes behind the sunglasses he was wearing, and now he could saw them so well because he had approached him in the middle of the discussion.

“Aziraphale, what is done, is done. You can’t go back and nothing can change if...”

“I love you!”

Aziraphale interrupted him in a desperate scream that came straight out from his heart, began to tremble again and wiped the tears that were wetting his face- as the demon looked at him with his lips still parted, stuck on the spot.

“If I tell you that I love you, do you believe me? I don’t want anything from you, and I don’t want to delete what happened, I’m just sorry that it happened and that I hurt you so much... you, the most beautiful creature I know!”

He approached the demon further, almost deleting their distance and smiling a bit, he borrowed Jane Austen’s words too and not tremble when he pronounced them: there was security in his voice, determination in his feelings and how much he wanted to be clear to Crowley.

“I offer myself to you again with a heart even more your own than when you almost broke it. Dare not say that love has an earlier death. I have loved none but you. Unjust I may have been, weak and resentful I have been, but never inconstant.”

You opened your heart to me, let me do the same, my love.

He saw him swallowing several times and looking around before crossing his gaze. Then something changed, he felt it even though he could not saw his eyes, he felt them burning.

“You have no idea how it was, you left me here alone and now you come back here with such beautiful words and you also think that I believe you?”

The demon was screaming at that point and had taken him by the collar aggressively, the angel blinked and the tears in his eyes went into his eyelashes.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean...”

“You cannot do it, not now, you can’t!”

The demon let him and looked down.

“Fuck.”

He moved away as if the angel were burning and did a loudly trembled laugh, a laugh of sadness. The angel was tempted to embrace him to erase the anxiety that devastated his being, but he couldn’t because he knew Crowley would reject him.

“I am honest when I tell you that. I love you, more than heaven, God forgive me, and more than everything else. Tell me you believe me, please.”

He waited impatiently until Crowley shrugged and sighed.

“Even if I did... it’s too late.”

Aziraphale felt his heart crack again, but he did not stop and decided to speak again despite everything.

“I just wanted you to know, that’s all.”

The angel looked down again, holding back the tears that came to his eyes and turned his back, ready to leave with that stupid red organ in his chest that was now completely broken- but it didn’t matter: Crowley did matter.

“Angel, wait.”

Suddenly a word, that nickname stopped him-  for how long had he not been called by Crowley like that? A different sound than anyone would ever say.

“Don’t you ask what I feel?”

He felt his heart beating and suddenly come alive and more tears pinch his blue eyes sliding down his cheeks.

“I don’t need to bother you...”

“Ask me.”

He interrupted him with a resolute tone but without any trace of the anger or tiredness of a little while ago. Aziraphale felt a sob coming out of his lips before he could stop him and slowly turned to him.

“D-do you still feel something for me?”

“This has never changed, and it will never change.”

Aziraphale smiled trembling as he heard him quote his words, and the hope came back to touch his being while he approached him. Their glance met and the angel pushed by his feeling, found himself reaching out his hand towards Crowley’s hand-  and slowly, as if it were something sacred, their fingers touched in a small caresses.

“Then is never too late for love.”

Crowley removed his hand after a few moments and shook his head several times-  but the angel now was reinvigorated with hope and love. He sought his gaze with caution and extended his hands towards him, towards the obstacle between them.

“May I?”

The demon did not answer but did not stop him either when Aziraphale took off his sunglasses for meeting his eyes again, and oh, he had missed them so much! Though again they were not full of the joy he would like to see but despair written in his restrained tears.

“But will this be enough...This time, will you stay?”

The demon was trembling so much that his voice was broken and his big yellow eyes lit up despair in a silent voice that he could not hide now- a tear fell in his cheek.

“Oh, Crowley.”

The angel then embraced him, gently at first as Crowley hesitated but it was a short moment before he relaxed in his arms.

“I am here.”

He felt the demon tremble and by it, was clear he was weeping, so the angel wrapped him even more gently but strongly and cradled him-  Crowley held on to him with the same intensity.

Aziraphale caressed his hair, embracing his tears, and not leaving him for a moment, and his cheeks got wet as well.

“Don’t you dare ever leave me again, do you understand, angel?”

Crowley spoke after a few moments when the sobs had stopped, and he rested his head under his neck.

“Never again my love, because I love you, I love you, I love you...”

He continued to whisper to him as he caressed his back and hugged him again. Crowley in response cuddled even better in his arms and caressed him as well because he didn’t need to answer in words. Aziraphale closed his eyes there in his arms, feeling them while a graceful wind had risen and sweeping away some traces of the cold of winter and leaving space for the flowers present there.

The sun was kissing their faces and soon the moon would find them while they were sitting on the edge of the bandstands-cuddling in each other, they had not dared to part even for a moment but on the other hand, they had more than six thousand years to retrieve.

They were wrapped around each other as if they were one, Crowley had rested his head on Aziraphale’s shoulder, and the angel was hugging him, while their interlaced hands rested on his legs.

“My dear?”

“Mmh.”

Aziraphale swallowed as he felt his cheeks suddenly turn red.

“So when you kissed me.”

Crowley looked up at him and the angel squeezed his lips and avoided his gaze.

“Yessss.”

“Very bad timing.”

“Yeah, yes. I’m sorry.”

Aziraphale fondly caressed his hip with the same hand that he held him.

“But I wondered if you will, well, i-if you’ll ever want to try again one day.”

Aziraphale glanced at him nervously and saw a slight smile covering the demon’s lips.

“Oh yes, I will.”

“Good.”

Aziraphale swallowed again and then rested his head on Crowley’s, closing his eyes and sighing. They began to caress the backs of their hands with their thumbs and enjoyed the landscape and the setting sun giving way to the quiet evening that would appear in front of their eyes.

-The last part is inspired by this fanart that is very cute!