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🦑♠️🌼
As he entered his house, Izzy was slightly alarmed to notice that the door was unlocked. But when he heard painful sounding sobs coming from the bedroom, his worries only worsened.
“Stede? Are you home?”
He pushed the door to their room, to find his boyfriend barely visible under a blanket nest.
“What’s wrong? Are you sick?”
Izzy carefully sat next to the bed, and Stede freed his face from the cover to look at him. His eyes were glossy and his lips wobbled.
“…Zee?”
…oh.
Stede only use this nickname when he was feeling small.
It happened pretty rarely, and despite his efforts he mostly seemed to let go went he wasn’t okay.
Izzy gently brushed his hand on Stede’s forehead, to find him burning up. He tried not to let the worry show on his face.
“Hey there, baby. You’re not feeling well, aren’t you?”
Stede whined and started to cry. Izzy took the poor boy in his arms, rocking him back and forth.
“It’s okay, it’s alright my little bird. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”
He seemed to calm down at Izzy’s words, and slowly his body went from tense to relaxed and his sobbed turned into quiet hums.
“There we go. I’m here now.”
“Zee…”
“Tell me, baby. What happened?”
Stede started to fidget nervously with Izzy’s collar.
“Went to the library. But was sick. My head hurts. Luce told me t’get you. But…”
He sniffed obnoxiously.
“But didn’t wanna bother. You’re busy. Went home ‘nd… ‘nd… ‘t was foggy. ‘nd I was scared.”
“You felt little when you went home? And you were scared because you were alone?”
Stede nodded.
“My poor boy. Lucius was right, you should have come to get me. I’m never too busy for you, you know that.”
“Sorry…”
“It’s okay, I’m here now. And I’m gonna take care of you.”
Izzy prepared him a warm mug of milk and honey, and gave him some Tylenol. Stede ended up napping, exhausted by his fever.
Worried, Izzy began to call Ed.
“Hey Iz.”
“Ed? Sorry, I know you’re working. But, when do you come home?”
“Izzy? Is everything okay?”
“I don’t know. Stede is really sick, he came home from work regressed and he’s burning up.”
“Okay, calm down love. I’ll try to be here early. In the meantime, let him rest okay?”
“Okay…”
“Love you, Iz.”
“Love you too.”
Izzy hang up with a sigh. He wasn’t cut up to take care of people, it made his anxiety act up way too much. But he could do it.
As he was preparing soup in the kitchen, he heard little footsteps hesitantly coming his way. He turned to see Stede pale as a ghost.
“Baby? What’s wrong?”
“Zee, I threw up…”
🦑♠️🌼
As promised, Ed came home earlier than usual.
“Oh thank god.”
“Hey Iz! So, where’s my baby boy?”
“In the living room, he vomited in the bed so I drew him a bath. He just got out.”
Ed kissed Izzy’s forehead.
“Thanks for taking care of him, love. I’ll take over now.”
Ed entered the living room, and saw Stede bundled up in pyjamas and a weighted blanket. His eyes were red and puffy, and his hair slightly damp from the bath.
At the sight of Ed, he lights up.
“Eddie!”
“Hello, baby boy.”
Stede raised his arms at Ed and made grabby motions with his hands, Ed took the cue to squeeze him into a tight hug. He loved how precious little Stede was.
“I’ve heard my little guy isn’t feeling well?”
He answered by whining into Ed’s chest.
“Oh, my poor baby. It’s not fun being sick, isn’t it? But Zee and I are gonna take good care of our baby, don’t worry.”
Stede hummed.
“Are you hungry, bug? I can smell that Zee made some yummy soup for your tummy.”
“Not hungry…”
“Let’s just try a little bit, okay baby? Can’t be good to have an empty stomach when your body is fighting a fever.”
Izzy entered with a bowl of soup, some applesauce and a pudding cup.
Stede managed to eat a bit of everything, but was too nauseous to finish.
🦑♠️🌼
“Okay baby” said Izzy, “Ed is just gonna check you up really quick.”
Stede whined, hiding his face in a pillow.
“Come on buddy, I promise you it won’t hurt. I just want you to be better, okay?”
“Don’t wanna!”
Izzy sighed. Stede already had bad medical anxiety when he was grown up, and his little headspace definitely wasn’t helping. He didn’t like to bribe, but he was getting tired.
“Baby, if you’re good and you let Ed give you a checkup, I’ll let you watch cartoon on my phone.”
“No! Don’t wanna!”
Ed sat next to Stede.
“Okay bud. Let’s calm ourselves down first, okay? Do you need Zee to give you a hug?”
Stede sniffed and nodded, throwing himself in Izzy’s arms.
“…Don’t wanna…”
“I know you don’t, but you’re really sick and we need to know what’s wrong so you can heal. Eddie is gonna be really quick. Besides, he has never hurt you, has he?”
Stede shook his head.
“That’s right. So, can you let him do a checkup?”
He shyly nodded.
“Thank you, baby.”
Ed brought his big medical purse, that Stede was eyeing anxiously.
“Do you need your Arthur, baby?”
He nodded, and Izzy handed him his stuffed horse. Stede held it close to his chest, and started putting his thumb in his mouth.
Luckily, Ed was really patient and gentle. He reassured Stede at every step, and explained everything he was doing.
Stede whined when Ed pressed lightly on his neck, checking for swollen lymph nodes.
“Sorry, bug. Does that hurt?”
“Little bit…”
Izzy watched the rest of the examination while biting his nail, cringing every time his baby was uncomfortable.
“Almost done, little guy. You were really good so far, I’m so proud of you. Now I just need to take your temperature. Say aaah…”
Stede obeyed, and Ed placed the thermometer under his tongue.
“Good job. Now close your mouth.”
After a minute, the screen indicated 104 degrees.
“That’s not good…” said Izzy, panicked.
“Okay baby, thank you for letting me check up on you. Now you need to rest, okay?”
“Okay…”
They kissed him goodnight, before heading downstairs.
“So?”
“It’s alright Izzy, calm down.”
“Don’t tell me to calm down Ed, what’s wrong with him??”
“Izzy, mate, I’m gonna need you to relax first, okay? Breathe, and sit down.”
Izzy stopped himself from growling in frustration and obeyed.
“It looks like a bacterial infection, but we’ll need a blood test to be certain. If he’s not doing better despite the medications tomorrow, I’ll need to do that.”
“Fuck.”
“And if I’m correct, we’ll put him on antibiotics and he’ll be fine.”
“Ed, you know he’s scared of needles. He can’t handle them when he’s grown, what are we going to do if he wakes up small again?”
“It’s gonna be scary for him but we’ll make sure he’s gonna be okay.”
“Fuck, Ed, I don’t think I can deal with him having a panic attack when he’s regressed, I- it’s already hard for him, I don’t want-“
“Okay Iz, right now I need you to take a big long breath and listen to me.”
Ed used the tone of voice that Izzy knew not to disagree with.
“I know you’re really stressed about it and it’s not your fault, but Stede’s gonna need us to be the strong ones. We need to take care of him, okay? And in order to do that, you need to take care of your anxiety. Go have a nice bath, take your meds if you need to, but please take care of yourself. If not for you, do it for Stede. If he’s small tomorrow, he’ll need to count on his Zee to hold his hand and reassure him.”
Izzy breathed deeply.
“…okay. I-I’ll try.”
Ed gently kissed Izzy, before cupping his cheek.
“That’s all I’m asking for.”
🦑♠️🌼
Stede woke up really confused. He was covered in sweat, and was shivering. His mind felt foggy and he had trouble focusing. But worst of all, he was alone in his bed.
Panicked, he started to cry.
“Baby? What’s wrong?”
The door opened, and Izzy entered.
“Zee…” he sobs.
“Oh, my poor little bird…”
Izzy sat next to the bed, and caressed Stede’s back.
“It’s alright, baby. You got scared when you woke up?”
He nodded.
“I’m sorry, baby. I’m here now. Do you want to try to eat breakfast, love?”
Stede’s stomach felt weird and he was scared to vomit again, but he nodded anyway and followed Izzy to the kitchen. He didn’t want to be alone in this big room.
He started to put his thumb in his mouth, and sat at the table where Ed had prepared his a bowl of yogurt and cereals.
“Oh, look who’s awake! Hello, little guy!”
Stede giggled at Ed.
“How’s my buddy doing this morning? Does your tummy still feels yucky?”
“A lil bit” tried to articulate Stede despite the finger in his mouth. “And head still hurts.”
“Aw, my poor poor baby. It’s not fun. Do you want to try to eat?”
Stede hesitated.
“If you want, I can feed you.”
Ed emphasized his point by grabbing a spoonful of yogurt.
Stede smiled and opened his mouth, letting his Eddie hand feed him.
After he managed to eat a little bit without feeling too nauseous, Izzy landed him his phone to watch cartoons while taking his temperature.
When it bipped, Stede handed them the thermometer.
“Stil 104.” Said Ed.
Stede looked up from the phone, worried.
“Bug, can you pause your video for a minute?”
He obeyed, and snuggled against Izzy.
“Eddie think you might have a bacterial infection. That’s what makes you feel all yucky. But before he can give you the right medicine, he needs to make sure by giving you a blood test.”
Stede’s heart started to beat faster. That didn’t sound good.
“I need to take some of your blood with a tiny needle.”
His eyes grew wide.
“No!”
“Stede, baby-“
“No no, don’t want a needle! ’m fine! Zee, please, tell him ’m fine-“
“No, Stede. I’m sorry, I know that’s really scary but you need to do it. I promise you you’ll be safe, and I’ll be with you the whole time.”
“Nooo!!”
Stede was now sobbing loudly in Izzy’s arms. Ed was patting his back, and both of them were humming to try to calm him down.
Eddie and Zee were safe, they were nice and always patients with Stede. Why would they betray him like that? Needles hurts, needles were bad, why would Eddie want to hurt him?
“I know it’s a lot to ask baby. But your health comes first. And I will need you to be really brave for just a minute, okay?”
“Zee… don’t wanna, is- is scary…”
“Yes it is, and it’s okay to be scared. But I’ll be with you the whole time, and Eddie is gonna be really gentle. It’s gonna be really fast. And when we’re done, I’ll get you some ice cream. How about that?”
“No… just- just ice cream- no needle…”
Ed and Izzy giggled fondly .
“But this ice cream is for brave boys only, little bird. First, you need to let Eddie take care of you. Okay?”
🦑♠️🌼
With Arthur in his arms and a pacifier in his mouth, Stede held on Izzy’s arm as he guided him to Ed’s home office.
Ed alternated between working at the hospital and working home, which Izzy was really grateful for right now. In this state, it would definitely be too overwhelming for Stede to go out in public.
“Zee…”
Even though Stede was in an adult body, he looked so small right now sitting on the big armchair. He looked at Izzy with pleading eyes, his lips wobbling.
“Oh my poor baby… I’m sorry, I know you’re scared. But remember. It’s gonna be really quick. Okay?”
“Is gonna hurt…?”
“Just a little bit. Like a pinch. And before you’ll know it, we’ll be all done.”
Stede kept on crushing Arthur and Izzy’s arm.
“…M not brave, Zee…”
“Sure you are, baby. You’re the bravest boy. It’s okay to be scared, it doesn’t make you any less brave.”
Ed entered the room, making Stede flinch. It broke Izzy’s heart to see such a reaction, but he knew his boy was just stressed.
“How are you, bug?”
“Hum… nervous.”
“It’s alright to be, baby. Do you have any questions?”
Stede hesitated.
“Zee said it hurts but only a little.”
“He’s right. Just a little prick, then it won’t hurt. Besides, I’m gonna use the itsy bitsy needle so you’ll barely feel it.”
Izzy gently kissed Stede’s temple.
“I’m gonna roll up your sleeve, little bird. Eddie is gonna put on a tourniquet, it’s gonna squeeze your arm so he can see your veins.”
He whined, clearly not happy to be getting started.
“It’s okay, bug. No needle right now, okay?”
Izzy rolled up Stede’s left sleeve above his elbow, and gently caressed his shoulder reassuringly. His feverish skin shivered at being exposed with the cold air.
“Okay bug, now I need you to make a really tight fist for me. Can you do that?”
Stede obeyed and made a shaky fist.
“Good job. I’m putting the tourniquet on, it’s gonna be a little tight.”
Izzy was hugging Stede, hiding his face in the crook of his neck and caressing his hair. He felt horrible to put the boy through so much stress when he was already sick.
“I’m gonna clean the area now. It’s gonna be cold.”
Izzy started to hum Stede’s favorites lullaby. He really hoped that anything he was doing was soothing his baby, at least a little bit…
“You’re such a good boy. Now, it’s gonna pinch a little bit, okay? Keep on holding to Zee, I’ll be really quick.”
When the needle pierced his vein, Stede was suddenly sobbing loudly.
“Oh, I know, my poor baby… you’re being so, so brave. I know, I’m sorry. I’m here, little bird. I’m here.”
Izzy anxiously watched as Ed filled little vials with blood, hoping it was almost over.
Finally, he pressed a cotton ball to the crook of Stede’s arm and took out the needle.
“All done. You did it, baby. It’s okay, it’s over.”
Izzy kissed Stede’s temple, and kept on repeating that he was a brave boy, that it was all done.
“Are you okay, Stede? Does your head feels funny?”
He sniffed.
“A… a little…”
Izzy handed him a hankersheef, and gently took Stede’s pacifier away. He whined at the loss.
“Blow, little one.”
He obeyed, then took the sippy cup full of juice that Ed handed him.
“Good job, baby. We’re so proud of you.”
“Didn’t like it…”
“I know, bug, it’s not fun at all, but you did it. And now, we can go eat ice cream and watch Bluey. Okay?”
Stede shook his head.
“No ice cream. Don’t wanna throw up.”
“Alright, just cartoons then.”
🦑♠️🌼
Izzy was folding laundry when his phone buzzed. These days, with Stede being sick, he washed so much clothes and bedsheets…
“Hello?”
“Hi Iz! How’s Stede?”
“He’s zoned out watching TV. Fever went down a little bit, his stomach still hurts and he’s really tired.”
“He ate a little bit?”
“Yeah but he threw up most of it.”
“Alright. Listen, I went to the lab and got his results. I was right, it’s a bacterial infection.”
“Oh, okay… you said he’ll just need antibiotics, right?”
“Yeah, I said that.”
“… Edward I fucking hate when you dance around the subject like that. What’s wrong.”
“Well, he’ll need antibiotics pills for sure.”
“But??”
“…but for now he needs something stronger. Iz, I need to give him a penicillin shot.”
Izzy stayed silent for a few seconds.
“…Iz-“
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me Ed.”
“I’m not, it doesn’t make me happy to put him through all of this trust me! But he’s been sick for days now, and he barely eats. We both know it’s for his own good.”
“I know but… fuck. The fucking blood test was already hard, after that he’ll never talk to us again.”
“I’m gonna go get the stuff when I get home. In the meantime, try to prepare him as best as you can.”
“I’ll- I’ll try.”
“Good. And don’t forget to take care of yourself too, remember?”
“Yeah, I’ll do that.”
“Thank you Iz. See you later.”
🦑♠️🌼
“Hey little bird. What are you watching?”
Stede turned his head to face Izzy. He looked pale and exhausted.
“Paw patrol.”
“Oh, the little dogs. I like that show.”
He sat next to Stede, eyeing the plate of untouched omelette on the coffee table.
“Zee? You okay?”
“Yes, I’m fine baby. Sorry.”
Stede looked at the food.
“…you sad because I don’t eat…?”
The guilty look on Stede’s face broke Izzy’s heart.
“No! No little bird. Well, I’m worried about you but I know it’s not your fault.”
“… sorry.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for, baby.”
He took a shaky breath, and paused the tv when the episode ended.
“Baby, you know you’ve been sick for a few days right?”
“Yeah. Feels yucky.”
“I know. But it will be all better soon, okay? Ed found out what’s wrong, and he’ll be home with medicine.”
He puts his hand on Stede’s knee.
“But you need to know, first he will need to give you a shot.”
The look on Stede’s face was of pure betrayal. Izzy couldn’t feel more guilty if he tried.
“I know baby, trust me if there was another way we wouldn’t-“
“No!!”
“Stede, I know you’re upset, but-“
“No no no!! Don’t want a shot!! Zee, I was good, I don’t want a shot!”
“You were good, baby. Of course you were. That’s not a punishment, we just want you to be better-“
But Izzy’s words went right over Stede’s head. He was throwing a tantrum, crying and pushing Izzy away when he tried to approach him. Suddenly, he ran into the bedroom.
“I hate you Zee!!” He said before slamming the door behind him.
Izzy felt himself starting to tear up. He wanted to follow him, but he felt too many emotions and he knew that right now, they both needed to calm down before they could talk to each other.
He took a deep breath, and started doing the dishes.
🦑♠️🌼
Izzy knocked on the door.
“Little bird? Can I come in?”
He heard a small noise that he interpreted as positive, and slowly opened the bedroom door.
Stede was curled up in his little blanket nest, surrounded by his stuffed animals.
Gently, Izzy sat next to him and puts his arms around his silhouette.
“…sorry Zee…”
Stede leaned into Izzy’s embrace.
“I said mean things…”
“It’s okay, baby. I know you didn’t mean it. You were feeling some really big emotions, isn’t that right?”
Stede nodded against Izzy’s chest.
“My poor little bird… it’s okay, Zee’s got you now. I’m not mad.”
They stayed like that, hugging in silence for a minute.
“Zee, ‘m really scared.”
“I know, baby. It’s okay to be scared.”
Izzy kissed the top on Stede’s head.
“Eddie and me just want to make you feel better. We never want to hurt you, baby. But sometimes, you need to do things that are uncomfortable in order to heal.”
They both heard the sound of the front door opening. Ed was home.
“Come on my little bird, let’s say hi to Eddie.”
🦑♠️🌼
To Izzy’s relief, Ed came really well prepared.
He gave Stede an anxiety pill, and even rubbed a numbing cream on the injection site.
Right now, Stede was laying on his stomach, his head on Izzy’s lap while he caressed his hair. His Arthur was tightly held in his arms, and they were both doing breathing exercises to get him to calm down as much as possible.
“You’re doing so great, bug.”
Ed slowly freed Stede’s butt cheek from his pyjama pants, to which he answered his discontentment by whining.
“I know, sorry baby. I’ll give you the shot where I put the cream on, so you’ll not feel it as much, okay?”
“M cold…”
“Yeah, I know baby. But it won’t hurt as much if I give you the shot here. Just like when I give Zee his T-shots.”
Stede looked up at Izzy.
“Then I’ll inject the medicine. This will be the least comfortable part, because I’ll need to do this slowly so it’s not too painful.”
“Is gonna hurt…?”
Izzy would never lie to his boy, but fuck this was hard…
“Yes baby, it’ll hurt a bit. But just for a moment, I promise you.”
Stede whined louder.
“Okay buddy, I’m gonna need you to relax you body as much as you can. You can squeeze Zee’s hand really hard, but the rest of you needs to be all nice and limp. It’ll hurt less that way. Understand?”
He held on Izzy’s hand really hard, shaking like a leaf.
“Good job baby.”
Izzy kept his free hand in Stede’s hair to reassure him, and watched Ed methodically preparing the injection. First, he warmed the vial in his hands. Then, he slowly puts the thick medicine inside the syringe. And finally, he checked for air bubbles.
Seeing that it was about to begin, Izzy started to hum a lullaby to Stede.
“Big breath, little bug. Just a little prick.”
Quickly, the needle was stabbed in Stede’s muscle. He started to cry, beginning to panic.
“Baby, it’s gonna be okay. You’re tensing up, I need you to relax so I can inject the medicine.”
“Poor little bird, I know, I’m sorry. Keep on squeezing my hand… here we go, there’s a good lad. It’s alright, I’m here. It’ll be over soon.”
Once he relaxed enough, Ed could slowly inject the penicillin. Izzy knew the product was really thick and more painful than his monthly T-shots.
Stede kept on sobbing in his lap, his voice shaking.
“Hurts, Zee…”
“I know, sorry baby, I’ll be all better soon.”
Edward didn’t let himself be distracted, and kept on slowly pushing the plunger.
Izzy’s lap was covered in snot and tears, but Izzy’s only thought about how Stede’s headache might worsen with all the crying.
“Such a brave little bird. It’ll be over in a little bit, baby. Don’t forget to breathe.”
“He’s such a trooper, isn’t he? Okay bug, just five more seconds okay?”
“Eddie…”
Both Izzy and Stede left out a sight of relief as the syringe was pulled out and replaced by a bandaid and an ice pack to soothe the sore injection spot.
“All done. You did it, little bug. You’re all done, no more needle.”
They both let Stede cry some more, get the big emotions out of his system. Izzy kissed his head and kept on calling him brave, while Ed kissed his back and told him he did a good job.
“Was so scary…”
“I know it was, sweetheart. You were such a good boy today, we’re so proud.”
“…really?”
“Yes little guy, really.”
Stede sniffed and wiped his teary face.
“No more yucky now?”
“You’ll feel better soon, yes. The yucky feeling will go away.”
“Good. Don’t like being sick…”
🦑♠️🌼
After a few days of antibiotics, Stede quickly started to feel better. Izzy couldn’t be more relieved, he didn’t think he could’ve handled more anxiety.
They never seen him regressing for so long, but it was to be expected with how much Stede was bottling up everyday.
To be honest, neither Ed nor Izzy minded. They loved to take care of little Stede, they just wished he could allow himself to do it more often than just when he was sick.
“99 degree. Congratulations, bug! You no longer have a fever.”
Stede looked worried.
“What’s wrong, sweetheart? It’s good news!”
He fidgeted nervously with his sleeves.
“I have to go work…?
“No baby, even if you’re feeling better, you’re still small. And little guy like you don’t need to go to work, do they?”
Ed’s words did nothing to ease the anxious look on Stede’s face. Izzy patted his shoulder gently.
“Lucius and the others know you need time, little bird. They got everything covered at the library, you don’t have to worry.”
“Is everything okay, baby? What’s wrong?”
Quietly, almost whispering and muffled by his pacifier, Stede admitted:
“Don’t feel yucky now. Zee ‘nd Eddie ‘re not gonna take care of me ‘nymore…”
…oh.
“What? Stede, baby, of course we will!”
“You don’t need to be sick, bug, we’re always happy to take care of you.”
Stede looked up, hopeful.
“…really?”
“Really! You’re our little guy, Stede.”
They both hugged him as tightly as they could.
Izzy never even thought about having kids, but caring for Stede was just natural. Even if he worried about everything, he still treasured every moments where Stede felt safe enough to regress.
Similarly, Ed was usually really awkward around kids. He liked them, but he just never knew what to say or how to act. But little Stede was still Stede, and Ed was never more at ease than with Stede.
“Come on bug, let’s finally eat that ice cream I promised you.”
As Izzy watched Ed trying to feed Stede ice cream without making a mess, he smiled fondly.
He was never cut out to be part of a family, but he wouldn’t trade this one for the world.
🦑♠️🌼