Work Text:
“Ah Ashoka glad to see you have made a safe return.”
Master Obi wan lays a gentle hand on her shoulder and falls into step beside her. He’s got that trademark gentle teasing grin on his face.
She had just finished debriefing and giving her report on the whole situation of being kidnapped to be hunted to the council and then was dismissed, but master Obi wan must have followed her out. His force energy is quite soothing to her own as he walks beside her, calming any remaining anxiety from the whole situation.
Luckily the 2 living padawans that she had fought beside had been returned to the temple and were recovering well. they had been reunited with Their masters as well. Granted things would never be the same. Even so, Everything was looking up. But she still was unable to forget anything that had happened. It was hard not to take some of the blame onto herself at the loss of one of them. So much that could have or did go wrong. It HAD to have been some of her fault.
“Ashoka, there is No reason for you to feel responsible. You helped those padawans return home. You did good” he made sure to put emphasis on the praise.
“But master, I’m part of the reason that they got hurt, if i wasn’t so pushy about escaping so quickly then maybe they wouldn’t have gotten so impatient”
The master stops walking with a sigh and Ashoka stops to look at him - worried about how he’s going to react. “It’s Not your fault” he seems to realize that she still has doubts and doesn’t completely believe that “You know kiddo, I was once in a position similar to yours when I was still studying under master Qui-Gon.” She looks up at him as he stares into the distance in contemplation “really master?” He chuckles “oh yes, it was a disaster that you would expect from Anakin. in fact if my memory serves me right I was a tad younger then you are now. 13 at the time if I’m not mistaken- still early into my padawanship. A time before I learned about the importance of listening” She’s a bit shocked “Oh. I had no idea. you don’t normally talk about stuff like this” he hums “i don’t deny it.“ he gives her an easy grin yet she can see a bit of unmentioned pain in his eyes “would you tell me about it?” “I suppose I can’t fault you for wanting to know more, especially sense I brought it up. I really do think it would be beneficial for you to be able to come to terms with your own feelings. Yet It is Not something i like to speak of, especially here at the temple. I’m still quite ashamed of the whole thing. May I suggest we go to dex’s?” There is a haunted twinkle in his eyes and her fascination doesn’t even let her consider denying. She loves any moments that she can she can share with her grandmaster anyway, a change in pace to her own master. He is refreshing to be around.
——————
“Oh! There’s my favorite lil Jedi! It’s been far too long my friend!” The boisterous voice of dex fills the whole dinner as they enter and he’s quick to rush from behind the counter to meet them at the door and drawl Master Kenobi into a hug. “Good to see you too dex. I would have come sooner but unfortunately I’m afraid the war has stolen much of my attention.” The basilisk just responds by laughing good naturdly “ah don’t sweat it lil Jedi, any time you come is a delight. It matters not the frequency. I trust you are well old friend?” Master Obi wan nods and then goes on to order food for them both. They exchange a few more words with the promise of catching up later then the large man leaves them be as he goes to tend to other costumers.
After they sit down the older man sits for a moment collecting his thoughts “I suppose then I’ll just begin at the start. Young padawan, in any of your lessons have you heard of the civil war Melida/Daan?” She shakes her head in hesitation as she thinks back. “I don’t remember much but I do think I have heard of it once or twice. Something about tribes not agreeing but that’s really the extent of it. I’ll be honest any time it was talked about I might have dozed off” she internally cringed at the admission. He chuckles “I see anakins teachings are more extensive than just your Jedi training. It seems he also passed on his affinity to not pay attention”
Food arrives at the table as she gives an incredulous look at master Kenobi
He sighs heavily, as if preparing himself. Suddenly the tone of the meeting shifts into something more dreary and it has her worried “are you sure you want to do this master?” “What? I…. Like I said, I believe it would be beneficial for you to understand your own feelings on being a leader among younglings that leads to loss and regret. But I admit I am not the most thrilled talking about such events. Forgive me” she nods slowly giving him a moment to collect himself so he’s ready to continue.
“Mater Qui-Gon and I were sent to a planet ravenged by war and blood shed. We are there to rescue fellow Jedi Tahl who had been taken captive. A double agent had sold her out and eventually had betrayed us. Causing us to go find the headquarters of a gang of peace keepers. The situation on the planet was dreadful. The adults fighting together caused the children of the 2 tribes to rally together and fight to end the aggression. Soon the tribes banded together in outrage eventually leading the cause to be the elders fight against the young. Children of all ages fighting a war against their own families.
There were Plans to Stage an attack to recover weapons from the elders and the 2 main leaders had agreed that the attack would be a decent enough diversion for us to sneak by to save Tahl. Unfortunately I was young and unwilling to leave the others to fight by themselves. I had made good friends with the young my age. Cerasi mostly. She was a loved leader amount the small army they had made of themselves.
And they did need help- had even asked for it. But I knew master Qui-gon would oppose. He was too focused on saving master Tahl. In Fact we had direct orders from Master Yoda himself to retreat the next morning. I knew what choice I made Next would Hold grave consequences… but I couldn’t just not help. So instead I went behind his back. I broke the rules of my apprenticeship and the Jedi code by not asking his permission to help as he was my guardian. I chose to help these children fight a war. To END the mindless bloodshed. I helped Cerasi and the Young with their plan and participated in the early stages of one of the attacks with plans of providing air support in our fighter.
It was a declaration of war or peace
When Master jinn had learned of my disobedience during the planning stages, I got severely reprimanded.
When the attack was underway, the elders got the drop on us with star fighters that had been hidden away. It was complete carnage. Tahl was severely injured and My master was making preparations to leave and return to the temple. I was helping in the streets when Nield and Cerasi asked for my aid with air support. I couldn’t beat my master to our ship to use it.
He wouldn’t let me help. He gave me a choice: to leave the planet with him or stay with the Young. but if I chose to stay, I would no longer be recognized as one of the Jedi order. And… I couldn’t leave these kids to die. I think in that moment he hated me a little. He quickly left me there, leaving me behind as his ex- padawan, helping to lead child soldiers in a pointless war.”
Ashoka had been listening intensely. Master Obi wan had looked so pained telling this story. She had to fight off a spike of fury at Master jinns treatment of his student. To leave him there to die? Revoking him of the very order he had lived for? He was 13 for force sake! She takes a sip of her drink and attempts to release the more potent feelings of negativity into the force. “Master if that’s true how did you come back to the order?” She nearly didn’t ask, he was already struggling to get through this much and she didn’t know if she wanted him to continue hurting.
For a moment it was quiet. Even though the rowdy background noise of the dinner was quite noticeable, it’s was almost as if the force was blocking it all out. It all faded away as the force was vibrating between them. Just her and Obi wan, both filled with pain.
He picked up and took a bite of his food, his hand visibly shaking but she didn’t point it out.
After a few minutes he had managed to collect himself back together enough to continue.
“We fought for a long time. Many died. Many children I was responsible for who died under my command.” His eyes were haunted as he relived memories and faces seared into his mind. “I will spare you the gory details. I struggled with those loses for a long time- still do. Had made those personal failures of mine. I don’t wish to see you make the same mistake.
This is the reason I’m sharing this experience.
After weeks of senseless battle and strike attacks we happened across a fragile standstill. The young made demands and the start of a new government was brought forth. I was part of the advising council as many of them sought my guidance. My Jedi training had lead me to have a steady presence that the children latched onto.
Nield made demands to tear down some structures that the elders favored. I implored him to reconsider as this could upset the elders and cause them to lash out yet again and that those halls held historical records that would be a shame to be lost. He did not agree. Honestly, my recommendation against destroying those buildings nearly caused war to erupt yet again. MY fault. Sometimes I think it would have been better if I had died rather than some of the young souls on the planet, then maybe the fighting wouldn’t have escalated more then it did”
Ashoka’s heart had dropped at the admission.
“Gun fire rained down and in the flurry of confusion and chaos, cerasi was shot and killed. That loss drove everything back down again. Neild wouldn’t listen- no one would listen to reason. I ended up getting desperate enough to contact the temple asking for aid and Master Qui-Gon returned to help with negotiations. But everyone was too deep in their war. Cerasi had recorded a message that morning with wise words. Qui-Gon had managed to publicly play it and her words managed to calm the people and to discover the instigators.
Seeing my old master again after he abandoned me… was difficult. My position in the jedi was questionable to begin with even before he took me on. His own past leaving us to be distant to eachother. He never really forgave me for leaving but He agreed to take me back as his padawan learner. I was so scared for a long time what that would mean. I tried from then on to be the perfect student. Eventually we came to an understanding and our bond had grown stronger but me and him had much we disagreed on for many years after.” His voice Fades as he finishes. Not knowing what else to add
After a moment to ensure he was done She sat there taking it all in. He retreated into himself almost as if he was ready for judgment. It was very sad to see her usually strong willed grand master practically deflated. She looked him over before staring at her plate then speaking “you Know the worst thing about what happened? It Was going back to the camp and telling those 2 hopeless boys that their friend had died.” She draws her arms around herself in a self comforting hug “but I think deep down I know that because I was there I gave them hope and my skills were able to lead others to survive. You know you did that too right master?” She looks up through her lashes to watch Master Obi wans face crumble for a split second and her heart brakes. “Young one, you need not concern yourself with my undoing. It was a long time ago and I have since come to peace with what happened”
she gets the feeling he’s just saying that and vows to keep a closer eye on her weary grandmaster. She also promises herself to do more research on this war he spoke on in order to better understand what master Obi wan had to live through
If she EVER meets jinns ghost she’s going to tear him a new one for his treatment of master Obi wan.