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“I won't let you go, Ben!”
Poe Dameron chased after his recently redeemed friend. It was raining outside, drops of water splashing his face and drenching them both. He mentally rewound the situation in his mind.
Ever since Kylo– No, Ben now, had killed Snoke when the creature had threatened Rey and Ben had finally taken enough and snapped. From what Poe heard, he and Rey killed all of the dark side individuals praetorian guards and they had managed to escape the first order as highly dangerous fugitives, mostly unscathed. While Poe didn't know how Rey felt, he knew that Ben was only physically fine.
Leia had been thrilled to introduce her son to Poe, and she was even more thrilled to have Ben back. Poe had been a bit suspicious at first, everyone was. But he still gave the man a second chance and he had been pleasantly surprised. Ben was nothing like how Poe had imagined him to be, and he wasn't like how Poe remembered Kylo to be like. He was a bit awkward and shy but he was funny, even if it was unintentional. He was trying, Poe could see it. He could feel it.
Their friendship was that…just a friendship. One that had been carefully constructed for a year now. But Poe being the hopeless romantic that his mother raised, had caught a bad case of feelings for the ex fallen Jedi… something like that. Even though it had only been a year, they had grown close, really close. There had been times when Poe had thought that Ben was actually going to kiss him but then his expression would become strange and he would pull away.
Ben had mental problems and he had been surprisingly open about them. Poe had been quite shocked about the fact Ben had talked about the issues he had and the feelings that still raged on inside him. Poe had never even considered the possibility that he was the only one that Ben told these things to. That he trusted him. Coming back to the light hadn't been easy and it wouldn't erase all of the mental problems that Ben had before, or the newly acquired trauma of being Kylo Ren and being the first order's poster boy, but Poe was more than happy to be there for Ben. Once he would've paled in fear at how similar they were. Such a comparison would've made him nauseous. But now he knows more. He knew Ben for who he was. Ben was ever changing now, always searching for a way to do better, be better. He was always looking for the chance to rectify his mistakes.
But it wasn't all light and sunshine with Ben either. He relapsed and his paranoia would take the reins. This left Poe feeling like he was dealing with Kylo Ren all over again. They had their fair share of spats and arguments. One time they had been in the middle of a fight and Jess just had to be with them because of the schedule, she commented that they quarrelled like an old married couple, to which Poe and Ben both objected profusely. Almost 𝘵𝘰𝘰 hard. Jess had then nodded knowingly and accused them of being "down bad" for each other, whatever the hell that meant. Whether Poe was “down bad” for Ben or not, they were still having a fight, and it was proving to be a really bad one. Right now they were arguing because the general was sending Ben and Rey on a mission. Poe, who was sick of being kept in the dark about everything important by his friends, the general and Ben, had decided to eavesdrop. He hadn’t caught much, only the general's resigned tone. Maybe Ben underestimated his mother, or maybe he just didn't remember how important to me was for her. But Poe knew her, and that time suggested that if Ben and Rey went on this mission, they would surely die. Well, if they went alone.
So that was the story, up until now, at least. A pretty short summary, but not every book is what it is on the cover.
“I'm no good here anyway! I'd be better off out there doing something. Something that would help make up for everything.” Ben snapped back at Poe and continued towards the hanger.
“I don't need you to boss me around, you're not my father. I killed him, remember? I think it will be good for me to take this risk and do something important.”
Poe picked up his pace. His legs were shorter than Ben's by quite a bit and when he began to walk in longer, faster strides, Ben began to speed walk away from him at an even faster pace.
“I don't like this. I don't like the way you are so eager to put yourself in danger, 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭 danger! I'm not an idiot. You and Rey were the only people who the general shared that information with. This was clearly 𝘣𝘢𝘥, I mean her tone of voice– You must think that I pay no attention to anything.”
Ben stopped in his tracks and paused, “No. It's classified and it's what's expected when you are in this resistance business. We just happen to be the only two who are safe to know this information.”
Poe panted a bit as he caught up with the dark haired man. He locked his warm brown eyes with Ben's troubled brown ones.
“I…This isn't the first time this has happened. You want to be involved in every single dangerous mission and I see a concerning risk taking pattern and lack of self preservation. We all see you take these crazy risks during missions.”
Poe took a step closer, “I know I may not be some fancy force destined soulmate dyad or whatever, but maybe I can do something for you.” Poe took another brave step towards Ben.
Ben furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “What does that have to do with anything? I don't know what you are talking about.” He took a step back.
Poe shook his head, he had no idea why he had even brought that up. It had been a colossal mistake. He didn't hate Rey, that wasn't it, far from it. He just…really envied what she had.
Even Poe knew that his pursuit was pointless, or at least it looked pretty bleak. Just one glance at Ben and Rey and everyone in the room agreed that they were meant to be soulmates. Poe was just his buddy and that was it. Poe didn't like to be a martyr, but it hurt. He felt like he was always just second best, the last resort. How could he even compare to a force dyad? Apparently they were extremely rare too, unseen for many, many generations.
“I don't know, I don't know. I shouldn't have said anything. I just- I want to resolve this, but I am 𝘯𝘰𝘵 letting you go on this mission. The general, 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 knows it's dangerous, I could hear the tone of her voice. Why won't you just let me know why you have to do this? Why are you mad at me and why won't you tell me what this mission entails? And most importantly, why have you been so distant lately?”
Poe was starting to feel frustrated. He worked so 𝘴𝘰 hard to earn their trust, their friendship. Yet it seemed that he was always out of the loop or left put in some way.
‘𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘵 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘤𝘦?’ He thought to himself. Honestly, that probably was the reason, but at this point, Poe didn't care, he would challenge Ben on this if he had to and he wouldn't just be doing this for Ben. This was partly for his own reasons.
Ben shot a reply back first, “That meeting was classified and private between mot– The general and everyone who was there! You weren't supposed to be there. Besides, every mission here is dangerous. We are always dangerously low on fighters, staff and pilots. Don't even get me started on resources. I don't know why this one is so different to you!” His dark eyes glittered menacingly.
Poe frowned, he didn't want Ben to catch onto anything, although the man was quite clueless when it came to many things.
“Well you're my friend, no one wants to lose a friend. And you are also a pretty great fighter to have on our team, if we lose you, we lose the war!” Poe formed the lie on the spot, it sounded ridiculous, he was well aware and he looked into Ben's brown eyes for any sign of doubt. It came almost immediately.
“What about Finn, Jess or Rey? They are your friends too, are they not?”
Poe sighed and put the palm of his hand on his forehead, “They are…I don't know…different? But they also aren't being reckless.”
Ben raised an eyebrow, “Poe Dameron, you are one of the most impulsive and reckless people I know. I cannot believe you are lecturing me on this.”
He began to walk away again.
Poe began to walk again, “I'm trying to be better, I really am. And it's because people checked up on me, but nobody has checked up on you, at least I don't think they have. Maker, that sounds rude– you know what I mean.” He shook his head, secretly wondering why Ben had this effect on him.
“So you don't even know if I've been checked up on? Anyway, you may be one of my closest friends, but you don't know everything about me. I have certain things that I must do, and you can't stand in my way.” Ben shook his head and took a left in his route. They were in a more secluded area.
“I hoped we were bes– good friends. I mean, I might have been cautious when you first came here but you can't really blame me for that, but I trust you now. I just wish you could tell me why you are trying to kill yourself?”
“That's presumptuous.” Ben chuckled darkly.
“I know that tone. Tell me, I've been there. I know what it's like to think that maybe there is nothing else left for you and just wishing that it would all end, putting yourself in harm's way.”
Ben didn't respond, “You seem so sure of my reasons, why don't you just write a diary in my name if you know me so much?”
Poe had enough of Ben's snide comments, “You know what? You're being a real prick, Ben. I'm trying to keep you out of harm's way and you are saying some really shitty stuff in return. This isn't the First Order and I'm not your minion. In case you haven't noticed, we try to be open about our struggles instead of holding it in all the time.”
Ben snorted a bit, “You could've had me fooled. Why am I not allowed to have secrets when you carry more than the entire resistance in your mind?”
Poe's expression became hard and fixed, “have you been looking through my mind?” His eyes flashed dangerously, “Ben fucking Solo, I swear, if you looked through my mind I will never speak to you again!”
Ben licked his lips nervously, but still kept firm eye contact with Poe. “You are stressed and I can't help but feel it. I can feel the burdens you are carrying. I'm not trying to see them, I don't see them. I just know that you are unhappy and you are hiding things. Anyway, it's fine. We are friends, but privacy is more professional anyway.”
“How can you…how do you know that’s what I’m feeling?”
“Maybe because I possess the force, Dameron.”
“Yeah, no shit, but I’m saying how can you tell that’s not just what everyone else is feeling?”
“I sensed it with them, but they all shared how they felt with me. You hide. You are different from them, though, I suspect that you fear you just are.” Ben stopped and let Poe catch up.
“Why would I be scared of that?” Poe chose to ignore the screaming in his mind.
“Because you are afraid you are no one, Poe Dameron. You want to be somebody, I can feel that desperate hunger, it's been tearing you apart for a while.” He turned to face Poe.
Poe sucked in a breath, “I know I’m someone, I don’t need you to tell me that.”
“Do you really think that? 𝘐 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 you have a personality, but do 𝘺𝘰𝘶 know?” His dark eyes bore deep into Poe's soul.
“That’s a silly question.” Poe crossed his arms.
Ben stared at Poe with such intensity that Poe could almost hear his ears ringing, and then…
“Let me make my own decisions then. Remember, you've made some…not well thought out choices. Don't be my moral judge when it comes to what I do to myself or my body.”
“But this is a bad decision, you could get killed!”
“The general assigned me the mission, yes, I could back out, but I don't want to. You aren't in my place, Poe. I've committed atrocious acts of genocide, there can never be enough times of atonement.”
“Please don’t do this. I can’t let you do this, at least not alone.” Poe reached for Ben’s hand.
“Your lack of concern for Rey is concerning, I am more than capable of taking care of myself and the other half of 𝘮𝘺 dyad.” Ben's voice rose a little.
“‘Your dyad’, is no one concerned how that happened?!”
“Why would we be? While I don't forgive my uncle, he knew what he was talking about when it came to Jedi history. This isn't a Sith thing, it's pretty damn real.”
“Whatever, I think it’s stupid and we shouldn’t trust it.” Poe shifted on his feet. He hated the whole force bullshit, especially the “dyad”.
Ben didn't respond, he went silent for a little while more and then nodded, “Mhm, I know what this is about. Everytime I mention Rey's and my destiny, you get annoyed, angry even. If you have an objection then just tell me.”
Poe scoffed, “no I don’t. I couldn’t care less.” However, his body language and facial expression said otherwise.
Ben sighed and walked away and entered the hanger. Poe followed him, he kept his silence but made it clear that he wasn't happy.
“This mission is between me and Rey for a reason. You'd be in danger. Just one wrong move could have you dead, I don't want this. You've been such a good friend to me. I can take it, I can take this. Just because Rey gave me this scar doesn't mean that I'm fragile or easily beat.”
“I’m not saying you’re weak, I just…” Poe ran a hand through his curls, “I don’t want you to go.” The last sentence was mumbled.
Whilst looking into Ben’s eyes, Poe realised that he would never listen to him. He would have to talk to Rey.
Ben continued to look at him with some bewilderment, but then something seemed to click in place inside his head because his expression became knowing, 𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 knowing. “Let's…talk, somewhere else though.” And Poe could almost swear that his voice was lower than usual.
“Fine.” Poe kept his arms tightly crossed as he followed Ben down a hallway.
“How much do you think you know about me?” Ben questioned Poe, keeping his eyes glued to the other man's, but letting them falter on his lips every so often
Poe leaned against a wall, “I like to think I know you pretty well. Why?”
“Then you must've known that I'd find out eventually, you can't repress everything, Poe.”
Poe’s eyes flicked quickly away from Ben’s, and averted to the ceiling. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He knew exactly what he was talking about.
Ben mirrored Poe's position, leaning in front of the man. “It feels like you are anxious whenever I'm nearby. Is there a reason your heart gets so fast and you start to sweat? I've noticed you get a bit…flushed.” He leaned in closer towards Poe.
“That…is probably your imagination.” Poe rested his head against the wall.
Suddenly Ben's strong hands were pinning Poe to the wall by his shoulders, “Poe Dameron, you doubt me. I'll prove that to be a mistake, you'll lose and I'll…” Ben's voice trailed off and he came even closer, lips almost brushing against Poe's ear and whispered, “Win,” He pulled away from Poe as fast as he had come, but his hands still had Poe against the wall.
Poe shivered, “you will, will you?” He made sure to keep that same sarcastic tone in his voice.
“Oh I'll win, but I think you knew that. You want to lose to me, to surrender…” Ben said in an even deeper voice and suddenly his thumbs were rubbing little circles into Poe's collarbone.
“Maybe I do, but what about your ‘girlfriend’?” Poe raised his eyebrows.
“Dyad in the force, not girlfriend. You weren't aware of that, which is why you've hidden it so poorly.” Ben said with a smirk, but it was said with no truly evil intention. Suddenly his fingers were massaging Poe's shoulders and his face was close, 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 close. His warm breath teasing the other man before him.
“I like to think I was pretty good at hiding it.” He smiled, “I mean, you didn’t catch on until now, so clearly it wasn’t that bad.”
“You're going to open up to me, I'm going to open you up.” And a knee was then shoved between Poe's legs. “I want your undivided attention, Poe.” He growled, dark eyes now glittering with anticipation.
Poe squeezed his legs against Ben’s knee and groaned, “you’ve definitely got it.”
Ben's smirk widened, “Good boy, you take well to orders.” He licked his lips and his mouth was back towards Poe's ear, nipping at his earlobe.
Poe moaned and moved his hands slightly hesitantly to the back of Ben’s neck, as if he were scared that it would all be a dream, “call me that again.”
“Goood Boy” Ben breathed into Poe's ear, enunciating the o's in the word. His hands began to trail down Poe's arms and met at his wrists. “How often do you fantasise about situations like this?”
Poe moved his arms into Ben’s touch, “a lot,” he breathed out. He closed his eyes, he couldn’t believe this was happening, he didn’t like to admit how long he had wanted this, but it had been a while.
Ben's mouth was then on Poe's neck in a warm splash sucking his skin and leaving a hickey behind, his tongue brushed against Poe's neck and he pulled away momentarily for air, his eyes were wild and his breath came out sharp. “How do you like that?”
Poe just nodded, “yes keep- keep doing that.” He moved his head back to give Ben access to his neck.
“I’ve thought about this, you know.” He whispered.
Ben responded by placing his mouth on a different part of Poe's neck and sucked, the warm feeling welcome on Poe's skin. “Did it ever escalate?” Ben said slyly, his tongue began to travel down Poe's neck and when it reached Poe's shirt he pulled back slightly, “Maybe we should find somewhere more private. And then…I'll show you who's the boss there.”
“Yeah- right.” Poe nodded again. His face felt hot, and he had a feeling if he looked in a mirror right now, it would be bright red too. He hadn’t felt this way before, he had had his fair share of past lovers, but none of them had gotten him this way, he had never really felt flustered with anyone other than Ben.
********
They had decided to retreat to Poe's quarters. There was still quite some time before Ben needed to leave for the mission. Things were still being prepped.
Ben had Poe against the door, “Did you ever think that maybe I've wanted you too?” His knee was between Poe's legs again and it began to bounce, stimulating a burning desire between Poe's legs.
“I didn’t think you wanted me at all.” Poe’s breath hitched in his throat. “I didn’t think I deserved you.”
“I'll show you what you deserve. When I'm done with you, Poe, you're going to know your worth. You shouldn't punish yourself with things that were caused by me and my First Order’s past. His leg was still causing amazing friction between Poe's legs.
“Can I kiss you, Ben?” Poe leaned closer to him, his arms still against the door. He was trying not to moan 𝘵𝘰𝘰 loudly which was proving difficult, Ben was right there, in such a dominating stance. It was clear who was giving the orders here and it wasn't Poe. His leg continued to bounce, digging into Poe's groin.
“Oh, 𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦.” It escaped Ben's lips far faster than he had expected.
Poe pressed his lips against Ben’s, Ben swallowed every noise that Poe made, he sighed against the tallers mouth, oh, how he had wondered what this would feel like. And it had been utterly worth the wait. Ben's lips melted against Poe's with a gentle firmness that Poe found intoxicating. Then Ben had Poe down on the bed, flat on his back, his hardness was only a few inches from Poe's.
“Let me do this for you,” Ben muttered, and he pulled away from Poe's lips and began to strip Poe of his jacket, then his shirt. He started to place kisses on Poe's chest. Be began slowly but then picked up his pace at the site of the man's rapidly rising and falling chest. Poe saw pure lust in Ben's brown eyes.
Poe nodded, “okay- yes,” he held his eyes shut for a moment, and then opened them, only to meet Ben’s. The fire in Ben’s eyes only seemed to turn him on more.
And then Ben's tongue was on his collarbone and oh, yes, it was going lower, licking lower and even lower. Then he pinched Poe's nipples between his fingers and continued to lick, relishing the way Poe writhed under his mouth.
Poe's nails scratched at Ben’s back, which was luckily still covered with his shirt.
“Ben,” his breath came out shaky and unsteady. A year ago, Poe never would have seen himself in a situation like this with Ben, or rather, Kylo Ren at the time.
Ben's tongue was now at his hips and exploring whether it could reach. Then his fingers fumbled at Poe's belt.
“I'm going to do this for you, and you're going to moan so loudly, I think the entire base will hear you.”
He helped Poe discard his cargo pants and sighed in appreciation at the sight of Poe's legs, those 𝘸𝘰𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘧𝘶𝘭 legs. He ran his fingers in little circles between Poe's legs, they slipped under the legs of Poe's boxers and began to massage tantalisingly close to Poe's cock, which Ben could see was rock hard, and let his breath tickle Poe's skin.
Ben could feel Poe’s body shudder under his touch, but this was clearly something that Poe had been wanting and waiting for for quite some time, and he had no trouble giving it to him.
Poe dug his nails into Ben’s back, and Ben could feel it through his shirt. Another hand ran through Ben’s hair.
Ben audibly hissed in satisfaction, Poe's fingers in his hair felt so needy, so good. They pulled him closer ever so slightly. “Good boy, I can see how hard you are.” A hand reached up to brush Poe's impressive yet clothed erection. His hand only touched the fabric of Poe's underwear, but Poe's dick still seemed to feel it.
Poe’s hand tightened in his hair, and he grinded his hips into Ben’s hands. “I didn’t think- I mean I never thought this would happen.”
Ben's mind reeled for a second, completely taken aback at how nice Poe's grip on his long hair felt and how the man so desperately thrust himself into his hands, leaving his scent there. It was beyond hot and beyond anything Ben had ever imagined, Poe 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 wanted him.
“So you had no plans for when I do this?” And then Poe's boxers were on the ground and Ben was breathing, his lips right above Poe's rock hardness.
“I want to take you right here and now, you're so ready for me.” He was beyond curious now, his eyes roamed Poe's unclothed waist and his lips brushed against Poe's erection, only brushed. He was intentionally trying to rile Poe up, but not taking him into his mouth, it was working.
“I always thought you wanted her,” Poe let out a breathless chuckle, “it kind of sounds stupid now.” He tried to ignore how badly he wanted Ben at this moment, but it was proving to be pretty difficult to do.
Ben nodded, “I can see how you would think that. But even back at the First Order, I thought you were quite a sexy thing, I thought about you quite often when I…touched myself.” His lips wrapped around Poe's dick just as he finished those words and he began to suck, fingers feather like against Poe's abdomen.
The idea that just the thought of Poe got Ben excited made Poe harder than he’d like to admit, and the feeling of Ben’s mouth around him only escalated it.
Poe bit down harshly on his lip, and if he didn’t know any better, he would’ve thought that he tasted blood.
Ben didn't seem to be bothered by being quiet or discreet, he made loud slurping and sucking sounds that were beyond the obscenity level of any porno Poe had ever seen. He took Poe's length deep into his throat and let its tip tickle the back of his throat. He continued to sloppily blow Poe, taking into account the way that the man shook beneath his ministrations.
Poe eventually gave in, letting out long breathy moans. He hadn’t thought that this was going to happen today, and he cursed himself for doing his hair extra nicely today, he could already tell that it was going to get messed up, but if Ben was the one messing it up, he didn’t mind at all.
Ben was on his knees on the bed, he let his tongue swirl along the length of it and then delicately licked the tip. He knew what he was doing, god damn it! Ben solo should not be so skilled in these areas, why was he? But Poe supposed that it didn't even matter anymore, the fact was that Ben's tongue was down there and it was fucking him, and it felt great.
Ben was getting Poe closer and closer to a climax with every lick, and everytime Poe's member hit the back of his throat. A rough moan made it past Ben's lips and Poe's dick. The vibration of it sent a soft sensation across Poe's sensitive erection. He continued to suck on Poe as if he were a lollipop, his fingernails dug into Poe's hips.
“Ben- you’re gonna make me cum so fast,” Poe’s eyes fluttered shut, the situation was so good it was almost overwhelming in the best way possible. He tried to hold still, but his body made uncontrollable motions at times.
Ben didn't seem to mind this, in fact, it seemed to please him further, his hands made their way to Poe's ass cheeks and began to knead and squeeze them as he sucked Poe off. The uninevitable climax approached and Ben squeezed his lips on Poe's cock.
Poe couldn't take it anymore, he felt the orgasm wash over him, somehow it felt real and unreal at the same time. He barely took notice when his cum shot into Ben's mouth and before he could say anything else. Ben pulled off, his dark eyes staring deep into Poe's pleasure filled ones, he couldn't say anything at the moment but he made up for it by putting on a show of swirling Poe's seed in his mouth for a few seconds, taking his sweet time and paying close attention to Poe's reaction, then he swallowed it and smiled. “You taste good,”
Poe’s face flushed as he attempted to catch his breath, “I- let me do something for you. You made me feel…good, the least I can do is the same for you.”
Ben's breath caught in his throat, “I– please,” It was as if he couldn't control his words anymore. Poe just plucked the ones he liked the most from his mouth.
Poe slowly lowered his head down, keeping eye contact with Ben. He ran his hand across Ben’s fly, feeling the consequences of his actions. “I really excite you this much?” His voice feigning innocence, he tilted his head at Ben, however, the smirk on his face was telling.
Ben wasn't even sure he knew how to communicate anymore, his voice seemed to have been stolen from him, only allowing him to let out soft gasps and moans. He threw his head back, a bright pink colour flooding his face. Poe's fingers were exploring his crotch intimately, he felt the need to grind and thrust himself into Poe, he needed this. Needed Poe's fingers on him.
Poe eventually undid Ben’s pants. Unlike Ben, Poe was in a rush to taste him, he didn’t want to wait, so he immediately put his mouth around Ben’s cock.
Deep guttural moans and sounds escaped Ben's throat, this time they weren't muffled by Poe's thrusts and dick. His sounds were even better than Poe had thought they would be, yes he had imagined Ben moaning, what? That wasn't a crime.
Ben sucked in a loud cry at Poe's skilled tongue, licking and taking him. He wished he had taken the man sooner. Poe's mouth and his shoulders being there and so close, so warm, “Poe, you're a really good friend…” He gasped as Poe's tongue flicked up Ben's shaft.
Poe’s mouth popped off of Ben’s dick, “just friends? Seriously? I’m sucking your dick, Ben.” His voice dripped of playful sarcasm.
“What are we? I don't know if I should make a decision like that. Not 𝘮𝘦.” His hips twitched against Poe's mouth.
“Just shut up and fuck my mouth.” Poe licked up Ben’s cock.
A phallic moan escaped Ben at the aggressive command. “Yes, yes I will.” He thrust himself into Poe's wanting mouth, “Please– Fuck!”
Poe found himself choking every now and then whenever Ben thrust himself into Poe’s throat, not that he minded that. It just proved that he wanted this as much as Poe did, and had waited possibly longer than Poe had.
And Ben was getting off on this 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥 too. He continued to mercilessly fuck Poe's mouth. He was left speechless at how good Poe looked underneath him.
Poe stayed silent, making sure that every minute of it felt good to Ben. He liked how fast Ben moved into his mouth, every bit of tension between the two of them from the past few months was piled into this moment.
Ben's fingers gripped against the sheets and Poe could see his lips parted. Poe was messing him up but in such a good way, “Keep– doing…that. Just that–”
Poe moved deep down on Ben’s cock, his eyes were heavy with lust, but he kept them staring up at Ben.
Ben's hands went to Poe's dark curls and tangled in his hair, then as Poe's mouth kept sucking and finding new ways to make Ben lose control of himself. Poe's mouth was attached to him and the man seemed focused on his goal. “Fuck– Poe, this is–” He found himself unable to finish his sentence. He was blowing Ben obediently and Ben needed more, seriously, he did. Something about the man being here like this, between his legs and not even wanting to escape, but still, Ben knew he had the upper hand and that whatever orders he gave, Poe would follow.
Poe took a break to breathe, “do you like it?” Even though he knew the answer to that, “do I need to slow down? Seems like you can’t keep up,” keeping up that competitive personality.
“No– Keep– Fuck!” Ben barely managed, “So– good” He panted, his hands were still deep in Poe's hair.
“You want me to keep doing what I’m doing?” Poe whispered, he purposely made sure that every breath went straight to Ben’s dick.
“Yes, keep doing it, I need you to–” Ben wanted very much to stop talking after those last words, but it was obvious that Poe had heard them loud and clear, and it was also obvious that it pleased him.
Poe grinned, “if that’s what you want,” and let Ben’s cock back into his mouth.
Ben began to grind his hips against Poe's mouth again, “You're taking my dick so well, captain.”
Poe moaned against Ben’s length, clearly enjoying the praise. The use of his rank while being down in such a vulnerable place was something that he liked quite a bit.
Ben pulled him deeper onto his dick, but he didn't forget to gently card his fingers through Poe's hair, the tender gesture stood out in starkness compared to everything else. He continued to stroke and pet Poe's hair, “Good boy…” He said, barely above a whisper. He was struggling to form any coherent sentences with Poe's…𝘴𝘬𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘴. Poe heard it all the same and it edged him on further.
These words only encouraged Poe, who began to go deeper and faster. He wanted Ben to enjoy every moment of this.
Ben cried out Poe's name one last time before he couldn't hold it any longer and his seed was released into Poe's mouth.
Poe released his mouth afterward, some of the aftermath still dripping down his chin, he wiped it with his hand, “I think I did pretty good,” he smiled up at Ben.
Ben panted, but after he caught his breath, he smiled a bit, “You were wonderful,” and his voice was full of adoration. “That was really, really good, but what does it mean for us?” His expression twisted into one of confusion. Ben always found something to get anxious over, even if it could wait. “Does it make us…I don't know.” His eyes faltered a little. Poe had never seen him nervous 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘢𝘺.
Poe didn’t even let him finish the sentence, “yes. I mean- if you want to, that is.”
“And that's what all of that was before? You've just been keeping these intimate feelings inside you?” His dark eyes were full of questions.
Poe flopped down on the bed next to Ben. “I guess? Most of the time I don’t even realize those feelings are there.”
Ben nodded, “I don't even know what a normal relationship is. Or normal feelings for that matter. I can't tell if I love you or if I want to control you. I don't trust myself to be involved with you.”
“But what do you want?” Poe rested his face in his hand, staring at Ben.
“I want to make the right decision,” But Poe could tell that his response was a load of shit. Ben was looking at him with hunger, he wanted Poe, but was afraid that loving the man would turn him into Kylo Ren.
It was funny, Ben thought he was an expert at hiding how he truly felt, but almost everyone could see through him, and Poe, who he had been friends with for about a year now, could see when Ben was being noble and ignoring his wants and desires.
“What if doing this…” His voice trailed off a bit, “What if this was a bad idea?”
“I don’t think it was. We both wanted each other, right? So how could it be bad?”
“And it felt nice, but I don't know. Not everything that feels good is good. I've learned that.” Poe could tell that Ben was referring to more than the sex that they had just engaged in. He nervously tapped his fingers on the headboard.
“I think I could be good for you, if we gave it a chance?”
“But it might not be. You don't want to be with me anyway, I'm Kylo Ren, or at least I was. You'd be happier off with Finn or maybe Jess, not me though.” Ben got off the bed and started to get dressed rather speedily.
“I had a small crush on Finn before, but nothing like this. And Jess is…like my sister. You’re the one I want.” Poe followed Ben’s lead, and got dressed as well.
Ben snorted with laughter, “No I'm not. Just because I left the first order doesn't mean I'm any more stable. In fact, I think I'm in an even worse state than I was there, my life is in ruins.”
“You want me too though. Otherwise we wouldn’t have done that.” Poe shrugged his shirt on, and glanced in the mirror. His hair was a disaster.
Ben bit his lip, “Sometimes a heart's desire isn't what's best for you, or should it be a signal for the future.”
“Ben Solo, if you keep doubting yourself, I’m going to suck you off again.” Poe laughed a bit.
A deep shade of magenta made its way to Ben's face, “Right errr…aren't you worried about what people would say if we were seen 𝘵𝘰𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳? Aren't you worried that I'll just snap one day and become what I was before?”
“You really think I care what people think?” Poe raised an eyebrow, “And I don’t think you will. You need to trust yourself. I know it’s hard, but you can do it.”
“I don't. I don't trust myself. I'm a Skywalker, so I've already got that against me, plus I'm obsessive. Really obsessive, I'm needy and I don't know what I would do if the love of my life was threatened.” Poe could see that his jaw was tight and his muscles were tight, he was anxious. “That's how Anakin Skywalker fell.”
“But I trust you. Anakin didn’t tell anyone his problems, you’re already so much farther than him, you’ve already come back to us.” Poe touched his hand. “Also, even if I did decide to date someone else, let’s be honest, neither of us would like that.”
Ben opened his mouth to respond, but suddenly his commlink beeped. He met eyes with Poe, it was time for him to leave.
“I’m coming with you.”