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I Don't Think I Can Stand To Be Where You Don't See Me

Summary:

What really went through Dally's mind after Johnny died?

Notes:

worked in this during class
NOT FINISHED I JUST DIDN'T WANNA LOSE MY PROGRESS

Chapter 1: The Things You Kept Under the Covers

Chapter Text

So much time spent suffering, for nothing. He couldn’t save him, the one person who made him feel something other than anger, emptiness, pain. Johnny was gone, so what was the point? There was no longer a reason for Dally to keep going without him. All the effort he put into keeping Johnny safe, all the time he spent trying to save him, only to fail. He loved so much, just to lose it all. Nobody ever knew how Dally truly felt about Johnny, not even Johnny himself. That’s not the kind of thing you tell anybody, anyway. You’d be shunned and outcasted. It’s basically putting a giant target on your back, and Dally just couldn’t risk that with his reputation. He was the toughest, scariest around, everyone feared him and he’d lose it all just because of who he loved.

Johnny was dead, there was no reason for living anymore, so why should he? He snapped, he couldn’t do this, not without Johnny. He can’t live without him, he felt as if he was going crazy, insane even. All he could hear was the screaming in his head, the longing to be with Johnny again. What was happening to him!? It wouldn’t stop, not the screaming, not the longing, not.. the urge. Nothing mattered anymore, anyway, why shouldn’t he do it? Wait- who’s stopping him? Right. Nobody.

This was the end.

Somehow he found himself in front of a small convenience store. It was nothing much, just a hole in the wall building. The heater. The heater was still in Buck’s convertible. But where was it? Last he saw it, he left it at Jay Mountain when the church…. -Never mind! Don’t you dare, Dally. Right, Tim brought it to the hospital for him.

Dally ran all the way back, finding Buck’s car parked down the road from the hospital, with the keys in the back seat. Good ol’ Tim Shepherd, huh? They definitely didn't get along all the time, but they were still good pals. He didn’t feel bad for leaving Tim though. He felt nothing but grief. Johnny.. He couldn’t let himself get distracted. ‘Quit stalling, Dallas.’ he thought to himself, punching his leg as he broke the window on the passenger’s side of the car and grabbed the heater out of the glove box. Once he had it, he began to get impatient. He shoved it into the waistband of his jeans and ran back to the convenience store.

The numbness was catching up to him. He stood in the store, feeling nothing but grief. The five stages (excluding acceptance, that was something Dally would never get the chance to do) cycling through his head rapidly and constantly. He flipped aimlessly through boring magazines and comics, unsure if he wanted to go through all this just to be with Johnny again, pondering if he should find a quicker way, but it didn’t really matter in the end, did it? As long as he could be with Johnny again. He wasn’t alone in the building. The owner, a middle aged man wearing a red sweater and glasses, was watching him. He says something, but he’s deafened by the screaming in his head to do it already.

In a fit of reckless carelessness (not like there was anything left for him to care about anymore, not with Johnny gone.), he tears a magazine in half, making sure the owner sees. “You tear those up, you gotta pay for ‘em. Don’t do that.”
As if he was gonna listen. Following through with the plan, he dropped both halves of the magazine back with the rest of them.
The heater, he could feel the metal against his skin, the end of the handle touching his bare skin. Pulling it out not-so-discreetly, he walked up to the cash register. Immediately, he pointed the gun right against the man’s nose, pressing into his skin.
“Oh, God. Don’t shoot..”
How pathetic, practically begging for his life under his breath.
“Give me the money..”
“Give me the money!”
He demands through his clenched teeth, trying to strike fear and panic in the man’s mind. “I’m so sick of you punks.. Take it and get out of here!”
Yes! It worked! Once he got the money he ran off.

BANG! BANG! BANG!

He’s been shot, he can feel the warm blood leaking from his flesh. It’s too early, he’s gotta power through. The dumb owner called the fuzz, exactly like he wanted. He ran and ran until he found a payphone, hidden in the dark. He used some of the money he just took and called the one number he knew by heart

“Yeah?”
“Hello? Darrel?”
“No, it’s Steve. Dally?”
“Steve, I want to talk to Darry”
“Yeah, sure”
“Hello?”
“All right, Darry, listen.”
“Yeah?”
“I robbed a bank. The cops are looking for me. Can you meet me in the park?’
“Sure thing, Dal. Are you alright?”
“Yeah. Johnny’s dead.”
“We know”
“Johnny..”
“Meet me in the park, will you?”
“Hang on. We’ll be right there.”

Once Darry hung up, he ran once again, trying so hard not to pass out and die now. He had to keep moving, the fuzz found him. It felt like he had been running his whole life, and he really had been. Under his cold, tough exterior, he was still that 10 year old boy, scared and alone in a jail cell. Originally he never wanted to hurt anybody, he only wanted to fit in, but that all changed when he stabbed a man to protect himself. He was trying to touch him. What else was he supposed to do!? Maybe he had been young, but he knew too much. After that he started to harden. Eventually he made it to New York City. Fun, right? Not for him. He spent three years living on the streets of the rough side of town after running away. No food, no water, no shelter. He stole to survive, and at some point it started getting fun for him, so he did it just to do it. After getting into a murder wrap with his gang back in the city, he hopped on a freight train back to Tulsa, where he met the sun in his solar system; Johnny cade. His world went dark without him.

It didn’t help that Johnny looked at him like he was heaven on earth, like he was good enough. He’d never see Johnny smile at him again, never see him secretly holding onto his leather jacket.

Finally, he made it to the park. He could see the rest of the gang in the distance, and the cops coming from the other side of him.