Work Text:
(First fanfic yips :0)
Swansea took a deep whiff of the cold fresh air of the night, the silence drew the two men deeper into an intense atmosphere. The full night air became thin and sharp, continuing the hurtful silence.
Daisuke scratched his head as he stared off into the face of the sun, before breaking the barrier that was between the two as he asked,
“Where do you think we are right now?”
Swansea stayed silent for a moment or two, his eyebrows furrowing more with every passing moment, “Somewhere nice, Daisuke. Don't you worry about it. You wouldn’t get it anyways. You never do.”
“I think I do now Swansea. I think I understand. But I’m not sure if I’m right.”
Swansea lifted his head to look for the sun as well, but he couldn’t find it. He only saw the night sky. “ That’s great kid. That’s great.” He mumbled, not paying any mind to the statement made by Daisuke.
“We’re…dead…right? Am I right?”
Swansea turned to look at the kid with a blank stare, “How’d you know that, I never told you.” He monotonously asked.
The child shrugged, “I don’t know, it just suddenly came to me..we are both dead..but…”
“But what? Tell me!” Swansea yelled, his patience growing thin.
“I’m not the real me, I’m just the picture you created of me. I’m your dream, this is your dream.”
Swansea looked back down at his hands, speechless. Before finally sighing, “you’re right kid. This is not real, we’re dead, we’re gone forever, and I’m still stuck behind feeling guilty about what I didn’t do, what I could have done, what needed to be done…and what I wanted to do..”
“You sound oddly poetic Swansea, are you becoming a poet anytime soon? I’d die to hear your poetry!”
“Oh shut it kid, you know I’m just kidding around with you!” He laughed loudly and slapped his knee like a slapstick.
Daisuke chuckled awkwardly before pulling the serious atmosphere back in, “But really, I know you meant that. I could tell. I can tell when you’re lying ya know.”
Swansea heaved a heavy sigh, “Yeah yeah, I know. I just wanna feel like you’re still here with me. Ya know, the real Daisuke. It feels nice to see his face..” everyone was still and silent for a hot minute.
“DAMNIT!” Swansea yelled at the top of his lungs, as he smashed the tall grass with his fist as hard as he possibly could. “I’m fucking tired Daisuke. I’m tired of pretending that I didn’t have some grudge against you. You’re happy, you’re young, you’re a good person. You WERE. Why..why did you have to make that decision? Why did you have to trust him? Why are you so NAIVE and GOOD that you had to follow exactly! EXACTLY! As that disgusting piece of garbage said?! Why?! You threw away EVERYTHING you could have had in your amazing joyful life to work for a bunch of money hungry empty hearted monsters on a ship with a bunch of middle aged, sad, poor, LOW LIVES?!….” He stopped for a second to catch his breath.
“Why did you do it, Daisuke?..”
Daisuke smiled and shook his head, “You know I don’t-
“I know. I know…you don’t have to tell me. I know exactly what ya mean. You’re just a perfect picture version I created of you. Just so I don’t feel lonely in my own guilt. Just so you can watch me. Suffer. All…over…you.”
Swansea buried his face deep in his arms, “I just wanna be free. To hell, to heaven, or whatever lies beyond that moon. I don’t wanna be stuck here in a field with a bunch of stupid fucking grass, complaining about how my life was just one big joke. I just wanna go. Anywhere but here. Anywhere where you aren’t.”
Daisuke looked off into the distance, “there’s a sun there. There’s no moon.”
Swansea stood up, Daisuke continued sitting. “Your future was always bright. I’m glad even after death you still have that light inside of you. Don’t ever lose that kid. But me? I accept that I’ll never be anything other than the grumpy old man who can’t reach that height without forcing myself to believe I’m there. I’ll only be there. For a few hours, and then I’ll fall. Farther than I was before. A little more than last time. The cycle repeats. And repeats. But I’ll just pretend I was always there anyway.”
Daisuke laid down on his back, looking straight up at the ceiling of the universe. “If the real, alive and well Daisuke were here now, would you tell him the same stuff you’d tell me?”
Swansea furrowed his eyebrows, “Nope. I wouldn’t.”
“Why not? Wouldn’t he listen to you? He’d take everything straight to the heart. Remember every word.”
Swansea’s expression grew more intense and upset, he shook his head, “That’s the problem. He would believe every word I said. I don’t want that for him. Not for a kid like that. He’d just be too brave and selfless, and would end up dying slowly on the streets somewhere because some bum told him to.”
“What would you do then?”
Swansea said nothing.
“…I see..”
You would do nothing.
Daisuke saw as the sun set, preparing the sky for nighttime.
“I’m…tired. I..wanna go to sleep.”
Swansea didn’t see the moon move an inch. “It’s getting dark. You should go home.”
“I..just wanna take a nap here really quickly. I hope that isn’t too much of an issue.”
“Not at all. Knock yourself out kid.”
“Thanks Swansea, see you in the morning.” Daisuke closed his eyes, as he faded away slowly.
Swansea smiled, “You’ll be able to sleep. For as long as you want. Forever.”
Thus, the sun had set. The moon arised. And Daisuke disappeared entirely.
Swansea stood in that field. Watching the moon shine bright, watching the old man with all one thousand of eyes. Watching closely. Making sure he never leaves his prison. His very own hell. Of selfless wallowing.