Work Text:
Waking up feels like a chore for Hyungwon. If he has one wish, it would be to stay in his bed forever. He doesn’t want to be apart from his soft mattress, but Jooheon is at his door yapping about his schedule for the day. Maybe it was a mistake making his best friend as his manager.
“Don’t you have a fitting for Dior early in the morning? Why is your head still glued to the pillow? Didn’t I send you your schedule last week? Not to mention I reminded you last night so that you won’t forget.” Jooheon says incredulously in one breath. He could be a rapper if he wants to. Hyungwon thinks it might be a much more fitting career for him.
Hyungwon just rolls over the bed, his back facing Jooheon, and pulls his blanket above his head to drown out the noise.
“You insolent brat, your manager is talking!”
Jooheon slaps Hyungwon on the butt like a mother would when their child is being difficult.
“ Ow! ”
Hyungwon’s blanket gets thrown away next to his strewn clothes on the floor. If Jooheon is being like this, then that means they’re running late. Yeah, he’s fucked.
“Come on. Get up! We can’t make the staff wait.” Jooheon claps to pressure Hyungwon to get up on the bed. “I prepared coffee and bread for you. You can have them in the van later.”
With the mention of coffee, Hyungwon finally gets up on the bed, eyes barely open, and long hair sticking up. It should be the most unflattering moment of any normal person, but not for Hyungwon. He somehow manages to look like he’s in a photoshoot no matter what he does and state he’s in.
Jooheon secretly snaps a photo to post later; thinks Hyungwon’s fans might like it.
“If I ask them to bring the fitting here, they would do it for me.” Well, he’s not entirely wrong. The biggest brands in the fashion industry had to court him for months for this. He’s the most sought-after model right now, after all.
He ended up choosing Dior.
“We’re not doing that. We’ve already troubled them enough by moving the date last week.”
“Fair enough.”
Waking Hyungwon up may be the most excruciating part of Jooheon’s job, but his best friend prepares quickly so it’s not so bad. He’s in the van in less than ten minutes looking like he went on a full-body spa and salon. God has favorites it seems.
Despite looking moisturized and fresh, Hyungwon’s slightly puffy eyes don’t go unnoticed by Jooheon. He’s known him since they were in high school. He knows when his best friend cried.
“Did you cry?”
Hyungwon sips his coffee quietly, ignoring the question.
“So you did cry.” Jooheon steps on the gas and drives them to their destination. “Why?” He asks, voice laced with concern, not as a manager but as a best friend.
It’s a little complicated and Hyungwon doesn’t have the energy to explain everything so early in the morning. Let him finish his coffee first at least. Telling Jooheon might give him some little relief, though.
In the end, he decides to hell his best friend. Might as well spend the whole boring ride pouring his feelings out.
Hyungwon just broke up with his boyfriend. No, he’s not sad about it. He was the one who ended things between them, realizing that he didn’t feel anything romantic about him at all. Doesn’t mean it feels good. He feels bad both for him and the guy.
Poor guy was so in love with him, he even planned to propose to him in their three-month relationship. His heart was shattered into pieces when Hyungwon told him the truth; cried like a baby and it almost broke Hyungwon’s heart, too.
He was a great guy. Probably the best boyfriend Hyungwon had in a while. He didn’t want to end things like this, too, but what can he do when he feels nothing for him? Pretending would only cause them bigger problems in the future. It was for the best —to save them from a much more painful heartbreak.
“That’s your third breakup in a year,” Jooheon states a very concerning matter.
“I know.” Hyungwon sips on his coffee, but nothing comes out, straw beaten to a pulp with his teeth. He doesn’t finish it and puts them in the cup holder. “I enter relationships as fast as I leave them. It’s just—I just thought that if they’re nice, I could fall in love with them later on.”
“But that’s not the case.”
“It’s not the case.” Hyungwon parrots.
“So that’s why you cried?”
“No. Why would I grieve about a three-month relationship with a person I don’t even love?”
“I don’t know, you tell me!”
A sigh escapes Hyungwon’s lips. Does he really have to say it? He looks at Jooheon’s furrowed brows that say he’s not gonna let him leave this car until he tells him everything.
Hyungwon gets a little teary-eyed as he thinks about it, blinking the tears away that threaten to fall. “There’s this void inside me that I can’t fathom.” He gulps a lump in his throat that he didn’t notice has started to form. “No matter what I do, nothing can fill the emptiness. It’s like I’m missing something. It doesn’t make sense, but I don’t feel whole, Jooheon.”
“How long have you been feeling like this?”
“I don’t know. Feels like years ago, but it just started to manifest lately.” Hyungwon shrugs.
Jooheon only hums in acknowledgment. He has speculation about this “hollow feeling”, but he knows better than to say it. If he ever mentions his name, Hyungwon would be pissed and might clear his schedule for the day. He can’t afford that to happen, so he shuts his mouth even if he’s itching to yap about it.
“Maybe you miss me as your roommate?” Trying to lighten up the mood, he jokes. It successfully makes Hyungwon laugh.
“What are you talking about? You make the worst roommate.” That’s a lie. Jooheon is a good roommate because he makes the best ramen and will make it anytime for him.
Engines stop rumbling as they finally reach their destination. “Get down. I won’t open the door for you.” Jooheon says to get back on his best friend who labeled him as the worst roommate.
Hyungwon is here for a fitting for next week’s Paris Fashion Week. He’s already seen the design of the clothes he’s going to wear and now he just needs to check the fit. Hopefully, it goes smoothly because they don’t have much time for alteration anymore.
As he tries on every piece of clothing they make him wear, the more it sinks into Hyungwon that Paris Fashion Week is real. It’s not his first time attending such a prestigious event, but it’s been years since he attended one, always making excuses to avoid it, only attending Milan or New York or London.
Paris is a place Hyungwon doesn’t want to revisit. Too many bittersweet memories were made in that place.
____
A week passed by in a flash. Hyungwon finds himself lying on an even softer mattress with the Eiffel Tower just outside his window. He’s really in Paris now.
Today is supposed to be his free day, but his agency wants him to film a vlog or something for his fans. He’s not opposed to the idea, but is it really necessary for him to go outside? Can’t he just film himself inside the hotel?
“So we’re going to an amusement park,” Jooheon tells him.
Hyungwon just groans in disappointment but gets up from the bed to get ready, anyway. After a quick shower and getting dressed, he lets his manager take him to the amusement park. He was given a GoPro to film himself. Usually, Jooheon would come along to film him, but he has urgent matters to attend to. Something about meeting his boyfriend who’s also in Paris.
“We’re here.”
Shit. Hyungwon should’ve known. This is why he doesn’t want to go outside. In case he comes across places filled with bittersweet memories. He doesn’t complain, doesn’t say a word, or show his despair. The last thing he wants is to talk about it.
Hyungwon closes his eyes to condition himself, turns his professional mode on, gets out of the car, and bids his manager goodbye.
“Tell Changkyun I said hi.”
“No need. You’ll see him later.”
And off Hyungwon goes. He will try his best not to choke up and cry.
It was hard not to think of him and their memories together, but a lot of things in the park have changed over the years—some attractions were no longer there, and some were rebuilt—it made him think of him less and focus on providing service for his fans.
He did not choke up and cry, but to the trained eyes, it would be obvious how desolate he looked. He can only hope that the editors would edit it well.
When he feels like he’s filmed enough content, he turns the camera off and shoves it in his bag carelessly. His free day finally starts now.
He hasn’t seen the entire park yet and decides that maybe he should make new memories to forget the old ones. It wouldn’t be hard for him to have fun alone. He’s always been a hermit, a lone wolf, always preferring to be on his own.
It feels refreshing to be able to wander without eyes following him. In Korea, he can’t go to public places with comfort. He may not be an idol, only acted once after deeming he wasn’t cut for it, but he’s still a celebrity. There’s always someone who recognizes him and it bothers him.
Here, no one knows him and he can just be himself without being judged.
The park is enormous, and Hyungwon feels the soles of his feet hurt after walking for hours. A lot of things may have changed, but the Ferris wheel stayed the same. It makes him smile a little. Then a small pang makes its way to his heart, but he ignores it. This would be his last itinerary.
He was the last in the line, so he thought he’d have the capsule by himself until the operator ushered another person to join him.
Hyungwon’s world stops moving, frozen in time. It’s not outside the realm of possibility, but it’s still hard to believe that his ex—his first love and inarguably his greatest—is just a few feet away and about to ride the same capsule as him.
Time only flows again when Wonho speaks. “I’ll just take the other one.” Hearing his voice for the first again in years brings back all the memories Hyungwon had tried to bury so hard.
After a short observation, he sees a couple waiting for their turn to be ushered to the last available capsule. If Wonho takes it, the couple will have to wait another eight minutes. Feeling bad, Hyungwon sighed and let his ex ride the capsule with him. “Just get in here.”
With careful steps, Wonho rides the capsule, face unreadable, but Hyungwon looks away as soon as the door closes. In such a small space with his ex, the air gets sucked out of his lungs, leaving him suffocated. His throat is closing up and he claws it to gasp for air.
“Hyungwon, breathe.” Wonho is kneeling in front of him, eyes filled with worry and so much sadness.
It’s been seven years since they broke up and the same eyes are looking at him right now when they called it off. Buried memories start to play in his head like an old favorite cartoon.
Everyone thought they were forever and so did Hyungwon. They were the perfect pair. Inseparable, always gravitating towards each other. Soulmates, cut from the same cloth. And they loved each other so much, the world couldn’t even handle it.
No, they didn’t fall out of love. Hyungwon just got tired.
A problem that started as a small hole in his shirt until it expanded to the point Hyungwon couldn’t simply just ignore it. All he ever wanted was for Wonho to introduce him to his parents as his boyfriend. He knows that they won’t accept him, at least not immediately. They were a typical wealthy family who expected their son to bore them a grandchild who would inherit their company after him.
Hyungwon was scared that someone would take him away from Wonho and it wasn’t helping that the older wasn’t doing anything to ease his worries. Was he just going to be his secret lover forever? Or worse, was he going to end up as his dirty little secret? Those thoughts ate Hyungwon up and kept him awake at night.
Then only one thread was left to keep the cloth together.
It was their seventh anniversary, but Wonho was too busy to surrender his entire day for their special day. He said he had plans for the morning, but no details were shared except for the hotel Wonho booked for the night they could finally spend their anniversary together.
For some reason, Hyungwon felt restless, like something was odd. Wonho sounded different on the phone and it’s not like him to keep Hyungwon out of the loop about his whereabouts. So he went to the hotel earlier than what was promised. He didn’t care if he could ruin the surprise his boyfriend might be preparing for him if it was what eased his heart.
The thread finally snapped, breaking the hole into separate pieces.
If he hadn’t decided to grab a coffee in the hotel cafe instead of going straight to the room that day, then he wouldn’t have known. He wouldn’t have known that Wonho came to meet up with a woman his parents arranged for him.
Wonho looked uncomfortable, carrying a forced smile. Hyungwon was fully aware that Wonho wasn’t cheating on him and only did it to appease his demanding parents, but it still hurt. How could he meet up with a woman for a date on their seventh anniversary? He could’ve declined his parents, or told him at least.
Hyungwon felt betrayed.
“Hyungwon, it’s not what it looks like,” Wonho told him, pulling him by the wrist after he followed him when their eyes met.
“Then what does it look like?!” Hyungwon shouted that he never knew he was capable of doing, big eyes swelled with tears, glassy like it was going to break anytime soon. “Because to me, it looks like you’re choosing your parents over me. Whole seven years Wonho! You’ve never dared to introduce me. Then you go on meeting another woman just to placate your parents? If you’re choosing their happiness over mine or yours, then so be it. Let’s just end things here.”
Wonho did try to make him change his mind, but apologies and empty promises weren’t enough anymore. Hyungwon was tired, so he broke the string that was connecting them.
“Hyungwon!”
Air flows back into Hyungwon’s lungs again, mind back to the present time. Once he realizes Wonho’s hand is on his, he slaps it away, seething in anger, “Don’t touch me!” Wonho looks like a kicked puppy while retreating away from him. He didn’t mean to be harsh. It was just the fog of painful memories that made him remember the anger he felt back then.
They spend the remaining minutes of the ride in a completely deafening silence. Hyungwon wants to dash out as soon as the Ferris wheel comes to a stop and the doors open, but his heart is weighing him down, stopping him from walking fast.
Wonho catches up to him easily and blocks his way. “Can we talk? Please?” He begs.
Talking to his ex is a bad idea, right? Hyungwon should be going back now if he doesn’t want to be scolded by Jooheon later. But he feels an invisible string pulling him towards Wonho.
Maybe the string hasn't been cut off all this time. Hyungwon laughs bitterly, following his ex to the parking lot.
They're back to an enclosed space, but it's not as suffocating as it was when they were in the Ferris wheel. Silence fills them once again, but the sound of his beating heart is loud in Hyungwon's ears. Maybe his heart is acting up being this close to Wonho again after so many years.
“Why are you in Paris?” Hyungwon takes the courage to initiate the conversation even if it was Wonho’s idea for them to talk, looking straight ahead.
Wonho feels a little embarrassed upon realizing that he's still in his business attire. His outfit does not match the vibe of an amusement park. “I'm on a business trip. You?” That should be enough to explain his outfit. Hyungwon didn't question him about it, doesn't look like he cared, but he wanted him to know that it wasn't a choice.
“Fashion week.”
It should've been obvious, but Wonho isn't aware of these things. He only hums in acknowledgment. Now what?
“Why are you in the amusement park if you're on a business trip? Was that part of your work?” Hyungwon continues to ask.
“No. I-” Wonho contemplates for a while before telling himself he should just say whatever is on his mind. “I just missed it, missed us . Thought it would be nice to visit while I had the time. You?”
Hyungwon tries his best to ignore the “missed us” but fails miserably. Still, he answers Wonho's question. “Work. Had to film a vlog.”
Paris holds one of their most precious memories together. It was the first time they went out of the country, just the two of them, for their first anniversary. The amusement park was memorable to them. They rode all the rides available, played all the open booths, tried every food the place could offer, and kissed on the Ferris wheel to end their date.
They were so young back then, so madly in love and reckless.
“Hyungwon, I'm sorry,” Wonho says in a broken voice. Hyungwon hates hearing him apologize. It doesn't solve anything, just an implication that he did something wrong. “Listen to me first, please? I know I lacked a lot and only said sorry to fix things. I regret that. I should've treated you better when you were still mine. For the past seven years, guilt has been eating me up. Things haven't been the same since you left me. I was broken and I still am. But it was my fault, so all I was left with was regrets.”
The words that left his mouth made Wonho choke up with broken sobs. Sometimes, you'll only realize someone's worth once you've lost them and that was the case for him.
“Then why didn't you contact me?” Hyungwon's voice is equally broken and wet.
“I wanted to, but I don't know. You looked happy and I didn't want to ruin it for you.”
Hyungwon snickers. “I don't even know if I've ever been genuinely happy for the past seven years.”
And that's the truth. They were both heartbroken. None of them wanted to be apart from each other, but Hyungwon got tired and Wonho thought he could never make him truly happy.
Wonho pulls Hyungwon for a bone-crushing hug. Letting go of the little self-restraint he has, he buries his face in his hair. “I missed you so much, Hyungwon. There wasn't a day when I wished you were still mine.”
Now, Hyungwon knows why he's been feeling empty. The man who has him in an embrace took his heart with him and never intended to give it back.
“I missed you too. Sometimes I regret breaking up with you.” Hyungwon lets go of the indifferent ex-boyfriend character he’s been playing and cries on Wonho's chest, wetting his expensive suit.
“No, no,” Wonho says as he shakes his head. “You did the right thing. I was an asshole and I deserved it. It was necessary. It was my wake-up call.”
Hyungwon clutches tightly into Wonho’s shirt like his life depended on it. Maybe they needed to hurt and break to see things clearly and mature from then on.
“Will you let me take you back to my hotel?”
He nods at the offer. Wonho might just be the one he needs to fill the void in his heart.
This is exactly what Hyungwon was expecting when he took up the offer—Wonho’s lips against his, hands stroking every inch of his skin.
Seven years have passed, but his lips still taste the same, and his pair of hands still know which part of his body drives him over the edge. Not everything about them changed. They were still the same Hyungwon and Wonho they knew.
“I never thought I’d be able to taste you again like this.” Wonho breathes in between their kiss. Hyungwon pulls him in to deepen their kiss, hand at the back of his head.
Without pulling apart, afraid to do so, they walk to the bed.
When Hyungwon’s back hits the mattress, Wonho takes off his suit in a hurry and goes back to kissing him. He works on his tie and then his buttons and does it skillfully. His hand burns against the skin of Wonho’s toned chest. He’s gotten so much bigger and he can’t deny how hot it is, moaning at the feeling of hard muscles.
“Take it off please,” Hyungwon wants to feel Wonho’s bare arms, too.
They both take off their clothes for the sake of time. It was no surprise that Wonho has gotten more buff. He’s always been obsessed with working out, putting in even more effort during his roughest times after their breakup. What caught Wonho off guard was Hyungwon’s body. He used to be skin and bones, feeble and frail. Now, he’s gained some muscles, just perfect for his build.
“You look healthy.” Not that he wasn’t before, but it made Wonho worry sometimes because he might not be eating well when he wasn’t looking. He tried to persuade him to work out with him back then, but Hyungwon hated it so badly.
Working out was one of the things Hyungwon focused on getting better. Healthy living doesn’t just affect your physical body, but your mind, too. Hyungwon feels lighter after a morning jog, a workout session, or when he eats something that doesn't leave him feeling guilty afterward. He’s proud of himself for coming this far. “Thank you.”
They don’t have the time in the world, meetings and paperwork are waiting for Wonho while Hyungwon should be doing some beauty rest right now for tomorrow’s event, but they still make the most out of it, worshipping each other’s bodies with gentle yet bruising touches.
Hyungwon’s upper thighs are littered with reddish-purple spots, the only place he allowed Wonho to mark him. Wonho’s back got mauled by Hyungwon when he opened him up with his thick fingers. His back will sting later, but it will be worth it.
When Wonho pushes his cock inside him, Hyungwon feels a different kind of pleasure he’s never felt with his past boyfriends. It’s so intense, leaving him into a moaning mess, thrashing on the bed when Wonho starts to move. Is it even possible that his dick has gotten bigger, too? He doesn’t remember taking such a big cock when they were still together.
“Fuck, baby, you’re so tight. Did no one fuck you for seven years?” Wonho is highly aware of Hyungwon’s relationships after him. While it did break his heart, it was satisfying to see them not last for more than three months.
“... wasn’t good.”
“Figured.” Wonho smirks. “Only I can fuck you this good. Is that right, baby?”
Hyungwon whimpers, feeling close. “Yes, only you!” It sends a boost to Wonho’s ego.
“You’re the only one who can make me feel good, too.” Wonho didn’t have any other relationships, unlike Hyungwon. He vowed to himself that he’d never love anyone else aside from him. There’s nothing to compare with, but he knows Hyungwon is the only one for him.
“Baby, I’m close.” Wonho groans, fucking Hyungwon at an animalistic pace.
“In me please.”
Hyungwon comes first when Wonho reaches him deeply, pressing his bundle of nerves. Wonho follows shortly, painting the younger’s walls white, and falls on top of him, but not to the point of crushing him. Hyungwon hugs him and pulls him closer, basking in the afterglow.
No words have been shared, but their hearts speak for themselves.
The emptiness is gone. Now that Wonho is back in his arms, Hyungwon feels complete again. He was what he was missing in his life all this time. It just makes so much sense to him.
____
Hyungwon wakes up in the middle of the night. Wonho’s strong arms are wrapped around his naked body, face buried in his neck, spooning him. As much as he wants to stay like this forever, he has to go back to the hotel before Jooheon calls the cops on him.
He leaves a note though and presses a kiss on Wonho’s forehead before he leaves the hotel.
I’m sorry for leaving without a word. You might not let me go if I woke you up before leaving. I still have to attend the fashion week and I don’t want my manager to kill me
010-XXXX-XXX
Sure enough, Jooheon was waiting for him in his hotel room, arms crossed in his chest, foot tapping in annoyance. “Where the fuck were you?”
“I’ll tell you everything later. Just don’t kill me, please.”
The bathroom door opens, revealing Changkyun. “Don’t worry hyung, I already talked to him!” He winks at him cutely.
Hyungwon runs to hug him. “This is why I like you!”
An hour before the event, Hyungwon receives a message from an unknown number. He smiles to himself, already knowing who it’s from.
Hi Hyungwon
I panicked when I didn’t see you by my side :(
I still have so many things to tell you
I want you back, baby. I still love you so much
Let me make it up to you. I’ll do better
Just give me a chance, please.
If you want to try again, then come back to my hotel and don’t leave Paris yet
Go back to Seoul with me
“Jooheon, cancel my flight to Seoul tomorrow, please? I’m staying for a while.”
Love that doesn’t change—that’s what Hyungwon found in Wonho.