Archive of Our Own ^beta

“The cyclops you made blind? He’s mine.”

“No.” Odysseus breathes, shocked. How could he be so forgetful? 

“Yes. And now I will take from your son what you took from mine.”

It feels like something cold rushes over Odysseus. Shame is usually a feeling of heat, of embarrassment. But for Odysseus, this is freezing. He can’t move, can’t breathe. It’s like he’s drowning on land. Telemachus is unsafe. Odysseus can’t do anything to save him. He’s the worst father, the worst husband, the worst captain. 

There’s a loud wail, something deeply paternal in Odysseus unfreezes him. Astyanax is bleeding, clutching his face. Posiedon’s trident is bloodied and Odysseus feels his stomach drop. Poseidon wasn’t talking about Telemachus. He was talking about the baby, the small child that Odysseus rescued.

He scoops up the small boy but the motion must jostle his head too much, because Astyanax wails in pain. The god is gone, his vengeance played out and now for Odysseus to deal with. 

“Eurylochus! Grab some bandages!” He yells, setting down Astyanax on a the ground. 

“Sir, I–”

“Not now! Come on!”

The sailors start charting a course home, Eurylochus helps Odysseus to bind the wounds on Astyanax’s face. 

Odysseus thinks he’s going to throw up. 

Astyanax has stopped whimpering by the time they reach the shores of Ithaca. A crowd has gathered on the beaches, cheering and making music. Odysseus can see Penelope at the front of the crowd, her hair blowing this way and that in the breeze. Tucked on her side, probably too big to really be carried anymore but this occasion is special, is Telemachus, who stares at the ship with a gap-tooth smile. 

Despite everything, Odysseus feels his whole body relax at the familiar feeling of the ship scraping the sand beneath it. Some of the crew leap on the decks and run into the arms of their wives and children. 

Penelope's eyes meet his and then trail down to the small child in his arms. He realizes how this must look. Him returning from far-off lands, a clearly Trojan baby in hand. Her eyes hold no obvious betrayal but he knows his wife is excellent at hiding her emotions so he's unsure. He hasn’t seen her in so long, but has remained loyal to her. 

"Pappa!" 

Telemachus has wriggled out of Penelope's grasp and runs toward Odysseus at full speed. Odysseus lets out a laugh and catches the boy as he collides with his legs. 

"Telemachus. My son." 

People around them coo at the sweet reunion but many are not keen to stay. His crew is exhausted, their families are eager to have them home to dote on. All too quickly, Odysseus finds that it's just his family on the shores. 

"Why do you have a baby, pappa?" Telemachus asks. He's been clinging to Odysseus's tunic and seems to have just noticed the toddler in his father's arms. Astyanax is a little overwhelmed the noise of a group has dissipated but unfamiliar people are still here.

"Not now, Telemachus. Your father has had quite a journey." Penelope chides. Telemachus grumbles but obeys. "Let's go home." She suggests.

Home. He remembers being sick with fever in the war camps, dreaming of Ithacan sands and the trees of the forest. 

Telemachus leads the way. He chatters about everything and nothing all at the same time. He reports that Argos, the dog that Odysseus had to leave behind, is the best watchdog.

"Dog?" Astyanax speaks up for the first time. He was contentedly resting his head on Odysseus's shoulder but at the mention of a pet he is interested.

"Yeah! Argos is such a good dog." Telemachus continues. "When he was a puppy he was just brown, now he is brown and black and white." Telemachus jumps over a puddle. A stab of guilt that Astyanax will never know the colors Telemachus is stating. "I've taught him to sit and to shake hands." 

"You'll have to show me this evening." Odysseus suggests. Telemachus looked thrilled at the idea.

Penelope is silent, although at some point in their short walk, she slips her hand in his free one. He squeezes it, sorry that he hasn't had a moment to explain anything or even properly greet her. 

"How many lambs were born this spring?" He asks Telemachus. 

"A lot." 

"Nearly ninety, I believe." Penelope says. Odysseus smiles. He's glad to see the numbers are still strong.

"One died. It was very sad." Telemachus stops in his tracks. Odysseus realizes his son wears his heart on his sleeve. It's a skill neither he nor Penelope have.  He's glad to know there's a world where his son is able to be fully kind hearted.

"Sometimes that happens. But ninety is very good. Do you help Eumaeus?" 

"Yes. Every afternoon. He always tells me stories." 

"Telemachus loves stories." Penelope tells him fondly. "He's learning to be quite the storyteller himself." 

Telemachus looks at his feet. "I'm not a warrior like you." He looks ashamed. 

Odysseus places a hand on Telemachus's shoulder. "This world needs as many storytellers as it has warriors. The two don't exist without each other." 

Telemachus brightens.

The Palace is the same as the day he left it. It feels like home. Penelope shoos Telemachus to help Eumaeus, promising him that Odysseus will still be here when he returns. 

Once Telemachus is out of earshot, she calls for a servant girl to run a warm bath for the toddler.

"This kind woman is going to take you for a bath." Odysseus murmurs. Astyanax whines at being placed in a stranger's arms but doesn't cry. “Be good. She won’t hurt you.”

To the girl, he gives her a strict look. "Be careful. He's blind." Odysseus warns her. The servant nods and whispers encouraging words to the small child. Astyanax, a little shy, sticks to shaking his head yes and no. 

Penelope is looking him over with an inscrutable look. "That child isn't yours." 

"No." 

Her shoulders slump in relief and Odysseus feels incredibly guilty. "I'm sorry. I should have explained sooner. You're the only woman I would ever want." 

She runs a hand through her curls and cups his cheek before kissing him. 

He's missed her. He clings to her neck. She's a little taller than him so he buries his face into her clavicle. She smells like cinnamon and mint, the perfumes she enjoys. 

"I missed you." A sob escapes his throat. "I missed you both so much." 

She shushes him, runs a gentle hand through his tangled hair. "We missed you too. Ithaca is a lonelier place without you here" 

"I'm sorry it took so long." He sniffles. She shakes her head. 

"None of that. You did what you had to."

He clings to her for a long time. She eventually drags him to the baths and coaxes him into the freshwater. Sitting on the side of the water, she lathers his hair with soap and works on getting the knots and salt out.

"Tell me about the boy." She says firmly.

"He's the son of Hector." 

She obviously wasn't expecting this. Her hands slow. "Oh?" 

"I was supposed to kill him but I looked at him and all I could see was Telemachus. I couldn't." 

"And his blindness?" 

Odysseus sighs. "After we left Troy, we ran out of food. We ended up on an island roaming with sheep. We didn't know the sheep belonged to a cyclops. He killed Polites." Odysseus squeezes his eyes shut, trying to get the picture of Polites's bashed in head out of his mind. "I blinded him, but in vengeance, Poseidon blinded Astyanax, those scars are from his triton." 

Penelope is silent for a long moment. "He's so young." 

"The gods don't care about his age. It's my fault he'll never live a normal life." 

"Don't say that." She uses the same tone she had used with Telemachus earlier. "He will be loved here." 

"I thought about letting Eumaeus take him, since–." 

Penelope’s scoff interrupts him. "You will do no such thing. He will grow up within these walls as a prince. Telemachus has always wanted a sibling, he won't mind. Claim him as your own and I will raise him like I would raise one of mine." 

"You don't need to." He knows what this will look like, like he was unfaithful. No one would care, it would be expected. But he loved Penelope, the thought of even lying about his unfaithfulness is like a dagger in his stomach.

"I want to. Please." She says firmly. She leaves no room to argue and he doesn't. 

"Thank you." He grasps her hand in his, feels the familiar softness on the back of her hands but the rough calluses from weaving on her palm and fingertips.

She hums. An Ithacan song. Odysseus feels himself truly at peace for the first time in over a decade. 

Odysseus is brought a clean tunic and he slips it on. The servant girl is waiting outside their chambers, Astyanax in arms. "I didn't know what to do with him." She offers an explanation.

"It's alright." Odysseus soothes. "I'll take him."

"Pappa!" Astyanax throws himself in the direction of Odysseus's voice. Odysseus catches him, pressing a kiss into the boy's hair. 

"Did you have a nice bath?" 

"Dog." 

The servant girl smiles. "Argos made an appearance. Astyanax enjoys animals." 

"Prince Astyanax." Penelope corrects. The poor girl's eyes widen and she bows to the boy, even though he cannot see the gesture. 

"I'm sorry, your majesty. I didn't know." 

"It's alright." Penelope soothes. "Let the others know." 

The girl runs off without another word.

They're alone. Odysseus is running a soothing hand through Astyanax's curls. 

"Hello, Astyanax." Penelope greets the boy gently. He leans his head on Odysseus's shoulder and clings to his shirt. 

"Shh. It's okay. It's Penelope. She's your mamma." Odysseus guides her closer until she’s almost in the boy’s face.

The small boy's hands wave in the air until it gently connects with her face. He feels the skin, traces around her eyes and nose. "Mamma." His little brow furrows in concentration.

He doesn't make a move to be held and she doesn't force it. "You're safe here, Astyanax." His hand rests on her cheek, she remembers when Telemachus was this small, he was a wild child, always chattering with anyone who would listen. Astyanax is different, quiet and shy. His pupils move endlessly though they see nothing. She reaches up her own hand and rests it on his cheek. "No one will hurt you here." 

The boy looks somber. He yawns widely. 

"It's about time for a nap." Odysseus explains to Penelope. She gives him a small smile. 

"I fear I have matters to deal with, as a hostess for our many guests that will be sure to come around in the upcoming days. Rest, husband. Goodnight, Astyanax." 

She leaves, trying to control the anger borrowing under her skin. How dare the gods hurt such a small boy. She remembers when Telemachus was small like that, how even a skinned knee made her stomach twist with guilt. Guilt over not keeping him safe. 

She orders a hearty soup to be made, something that can be kept on and added to depending on guests. 

She then finds Telemachus, playing with a few other children. 

"Telemachus, come walk and talk with me." She says firmly. He pouts but doesn't argue. She straightens his tunic, doesn't chide him for dirtying his clothes, he's still young after all. 

"Where's pappa?" 

"He's resting. They've been at sea for a long time." 

"Oh. Is it tiring? Being at sea?"

"It is." She confirms. The days of newly wedded life were not as fun as some may remember fondly. She and Odysseus had to make the journey from Sparta to Ithaca. She had been seasick for part of the journey and, as much as Athena has blessed him, Odysseus had been convinced it was his sailing that set her off. 

Telemachus seems to think. "Who is that baby?" 

"His name is Astyanax. He is your new brother." 

Her son's eyes widened with excitement. "Really?!" 

"Yes, but Telemachus, we need to talk before you meet him." 

He gets serious. The two end up on a balcony and she sits against the wall. He joins her, fidgeting. 

"Your brother is blind." She decides to not beat around the bush. "He is very little and very frightened. Losing his vision was painful, it probably still hurts now and then." 

Telemachus frowns. "Why would someone hurt him?" 

Penelope sighs. "People are cruel. Luckily, your father is a good, kind man and saved him." 

Telemachus grins widely. "Yeah! Pappa is a warrior and kind! I want to be just like him when I grow up."

She smiles and ruffles his hair. "I'm glad. Now, you need to be very, very gentle with your new brother, you wouldn't want to hurt him any more than he already is. Don't touch him or pick him up without asking." 

He nods, listening intently. 

Penelope suddenly gets an idea. "Maybe you should train Argos to take care of Astyanax." 

As she expected, Telemachus looks delighted . "I can show Argos how to keep him away from the water and fires and from falling." 

She's very proud of her kind, considerate son. "He will love that, Tel."

Telemachus can't sit still for too long, he stands quickly and rushes off, likely to find his beloved dog. 

She checks in on Odysseus and Astyanax. Odysseus is fast asleep, sprawled out and snoring softly. She never thought she would miss the sound until he was gone and she laid in the lonely chambers by herself. 

Astyanax is awake though, a small wooden toy in his hand that he traces over and over again.

"Hello, little one." She says softly, as to not startle him. He turns his face to her, waving slightly in her direction. 

She has just the necklace for him. It's from a Phoenician trader, made from loops of carved cedar. It smells lovely. 

"Here, I have something for you." She puts the necklace into his waiting hand. "It smells good and it's fun to play with." 

Astyanax smiles. "Thank you." He says dutifully. She lets out a soft laugh of relief that he seems to like it. 

"Would you like to go on a walk outside? So we don’t wake up pappa?”

His attention is fully on her now. "In the sand?" 

"We can go in the sand." She confirms. He pulls himself to standing, reaching to be carried. She picks him up, he clings to her sleeve with his free hand, in the other hand he tries to balance the wooden toy she can now see is a lamb and his necklace. To make things a little easier for him, she places the necklace over his head, so he's wearing it. 

"There. Now you don't need to hold it." 

He looks pleased. 

She carries him outside, the beach is beautiful right now, waves rushing onto the shore softly. Astyanax wiggles out of her grasp and gasps at the feeling of sand. He takes a few tentative steps and squeals when water touches his toes. "Mamma!" 

"Is it chilly?" She asks, a smile on her face. He nods.

The waves retreat and he looks disappointed, squishing his toes into the wet sand. She waits, an anticipatory grin on her face as the water gets closer and closer to him until... 

"Mamma! Mamma!" He claps, delighted, when the water’s foam reaches him again. She grins, dipping her fingers in the water and splashing his face. His eyes widen and he laughs loudly. 

He eventually gains enough comfortability to let go of her hand, this escalates and soon he's running around her, never really beyond arm's reach but he's laughing and confident and–

"Penelope?" 

She startles when Odysseus calls her name, Astyanax's face lights up. "Pappa!" He runs full speed at Odysseus, who picks him up and spins him around. "Mamma splashed me." 

"Did she? Did you splash her?" 

"No. I runned from the water." 

"Ran." 

"Runned." Astyanax insists. Odysseus shakes his head and sighs.

Odysseus gives up and when he's closer to Penelope, he sets the boy back down. Penelope gently guides Astyanax back to where he had felt comfortable playing and he continues to run around. 

"Where is our son?" 

"Our eldest." She corrects. They have two sons now. "Is trying to train Argos into being a guide for Astyanax." 

Odysseus's face twists and she would think he's disappointed if there wasn't a light glaze of tears in his eyes. "That boy is the kindest, most brilliant boy. How could he ever be mine?" 

She puts his hand into hers. "I believe a little bit of that heart comes from you, Ody. Most men wouldn't raise their enemy's son." 

Odysseus smiles at the nickname.

"Mamma!" 

Speaking of the devil, Telemachus runs across the beach. Argos is not in tow but Penelope isn't surprised. The poor creature can only take so much of Telemachus before he retreats and finds an older, less rowdy companion.

Astyanax is suddenly shy. He tucks himself into Penelope's side. 

"It's alright, Astyanax. This is your brother, Telemachus." 

"Telem'cus. Tem." He lands on.

"That's right!" Telemachus grins, he seems to remember what Penelope had told him earlier and sits. "I'm really excited to have a brother. Do you like building sand castles?" 

Astyanax looks lost and Odysseus chuckles. 

"You'll have to teach him how to, Telemachus. Would you like to play in the sand with Telemachus, Astyanax?" 

Astyanax hesitates but nods. "With Tem?" 

"Yeah, you can go with him."

Astyanax reaches up, grabbing Telemachus's hand firmly. "Let's go!" He says. Telemachus leads him a little bit away, to where the sand is perfect for building. He builds a quick tower, allowing Astyanax to trace with his hand. He's a little too rough and accidently knocks it over. His lip wobbles and Penelope worries he's going to cry, but before she can jump in to soothe him, Telemachus takes Astyanax's hand in his.

"It's okay, I'll build a better one!" 

Crisis avoided. 

Their boys play until the sun starts to set and their bellies start to rumble. They sit into the courtyard, eating bread and meat. Odysseus has hardly let go of her hand, choosing to eat one-handed. She would be fine with that if it meant that she also didn't have to eat with only her hand. She tucks herself into his side, Telemachus chatters on and Astyanax listens and occasionally chimes in.

Astyanax sleeps in their bed, Telemachus wants to until he realizes that he can’t hear the waves from this part of the castle and goes back to his own bed. 

Astyanax doesn’t sleep through the night, he wakes up crying several times. He clings to Odysseus’s arm. 

The fourth time he wakes up, Odysseus doesn’t. Her husband is exhausted and Penelope feels bad. She picks up Astyanax and soothes him. “You’re safe, Astyanax. I’m here. Pappa is asleep but I’m here.” 

The crying turns into sniffles, Penelope cards her fingers through the boy’s hair. He sleeps, she doesn’t but she doesn’t regret it. Odysseus cries silently in his sleep, she realizes. Her boys are hurting. She doesn’t really know what to do about it so she relinquishes herself and Telemachus to being their solid ground. They need it after so long at sea.