Chapter Text
A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away…
STAR WARS:
THESIS OF THE GRAY
Four years have passed since Order 66. The galaxy is in disarray after the fall of the Republic and the Jedi. The forces of the Empire act quickly to new order under Emperor Palpatine, all the while the Inquisitors hunt down the last remnants of the Jedi.
In the shadows of the Empire lurked conspiracy and lies endlessly, but the shadows haven't fully settled yet. The father of a sullen Jedi survivor enacts his schemes.
And although the life of a Jedi survivor is nothing pleasant, pretending you are nobody, embracing that role, and cutting yourself off from your identity wasn't the hardest part.
Living without the force, that was the hardest part. Such things proved difficult for the survivors, as few as they were.
Shinji Ikari is one of them, this is his story.
It ALL began on a planet named Nal-hutta, inside a small mutualist encampment hidden in the swamps far from the scrying eye of the Empire...
The planet is large and yellow, covered in a thick blanket of gasses just barely breathable for most races the higher in the sky you are, that meant mountain climbing for one man, for the Survivor.
Shinji Ikari.
"Huh, the snow doesn't look so stable…"
It was easy to forget pain when you had the force, the ability to manipulate the world around you without touching it, without risking pain. Shinji Ikari knew this well.
Greasy and thick droplets of rain pattered down against his cloak, the uneven formation of rocks and ridges beneath his feet served him well as he traversed high above the bogs of the swamps beneath him. The thick warm winds washed over him and had his black cloak flourishing. Wearing a visor with a single white line running horizontally; he scanned the terrain for any faulty formations or crags, a fall into the swamps below wouldn't be fatal, but the creatures that lurked in the wilds of Nal Hutta would certainly kill him without…
Without the Force.
Jumping over a small ridge in the ground, he fished through a compartment on his chest and took out a wrappered protein block. Scarfing it down as he ascended higher and higher up the mountain, the criminal wondered how things had come to this. How could this be so wrong that he had to slave himself away on a planet like this just to get by, to exist in this world. Not that I did much 'existing' before this… A sigh, he shouldn't dwell on the past, Shinji Ikari was never a fan of discomfort. Which might seem odd to say considering the planet he was on. This world was run through by the huts from top to bottom. And not just any world ran by the huts, but THEIR own world. Their home planet, it was infested with criminals and general lowlifes all around… But that made it perfect to hide in, a perfect place to blend into. Even if he did have to become a 'criminal', he already was one due to his former status.
The Empire would imprison or kill him either way.
Shaking his head soberly, Shinji fingered the side of his visor and brought up the display on his left forearm. "Hm. No signal yet, have to keep going." He said as he read the information hologrammed from his arm. Checking around him for any danger, Shinji nodded and minimized the display before continuing his trek over the mountain range. A single wrong move and he'd be plummeting down, that was the danger of being the retrieval specialist he supposed.
Even after I severed my connection to the force, I still feel like I can sense things more aptly… He thought, and as if to prove his point; he stopped and watched the cavern above seconds before a ton of stalagmites fell onto his projected path.
Call it a sixth sense, or call it the force, it saved his life more than a few times down here. It definitely didn't hurt with how deadly this planet was, he wasn't sure he'd be capable of surviving here without it. Just on the cusp of adulthood, he was still learning his way through the galaxy by himself. Although maybe, he always was by himself.
Suddenly a vision of clashing red and blue covered his sight, but not the lightsaber type, another kind entirely.
Shaking his head, Shinji doubled his pace and fingered the side of his visor again. "Alright. Where are you, little one?" He checked his surroundings through the visor scanner again, he was about to scowl and call it quits again when a small beeping sound began ruminating from his wrist projector. Eyes widening behind his visor, Shinji took a look at the projected map and saw his target.
And then he saw another, and another, and another dot begin to enclose on his target.
"... Crap."
He needed to move, his legs exploded into action and the terrain around him melted away. The wind beat against his body as he descended towards the location of his target with haste and a little lack of caution, thankfully due to his training and due to his lifestyle, tackling the steep ridges and rocky terrain above the swamps gave him the endurance and agility to traverse them.
That however, would not help him in the swamps.
Shinji cursed his luck, of course the kid would be hiding in the swamps… Just his luck, just his damn luck.
Landing inside a marshy pool, Shinji wanted to groan as he felt the greasy swamp water fill his boots and stop at his knees. "I really put myself through a lot, huh?" He shook his head, checking his map again and quickly sifting through the murkiness, it smelled rank enough that his nostrils itched. Hoping nothing would try to bite at his legs, Shinji closed in on the signal.
Moving swamp foliage out of the way, Shinji bulldozed into the open of the bog and stared down at his map. His target was supposedly right here, and several other dots were quickly on route to his position. He'd need to be quick, only issue; where was the kid? Rubbing his forehead, Shinji groaned. "Damn. Always gotta make it hard for me, don't you…?" He then surveyed the area, the foliage was densely packed and made scanning with his visor essentially pointless.
Clenching his fist, Shinji repeated the same mantra. There is no death, there is the force. There is no death, there is the force… shutting his eyes, Shinji tore off the visor and shoved it into a compartment on his hip. Concentrating even with the ambience of the swamp chirping in his ears, Shinji breathed in and out until his consciousness melted into pure focus.
…
There!
Eyes snapping to the trees, Shinji noticed a small child hiding behind one using a branch to stand on. He sighed, "Hey… Alina." He said, sifting through the marsh to get closer. He did his best to smile for the young child, "Your sister told me to come get you, would you like to come down with me?" The girl gave him a blank look, she looked to be a Twi-lek with her muddled green skin and the tails on his head… no wonder she blended in so well.
After a few seconds of silence and the stare down between the two, Shinji groaned and scratched behind his ear. "Oh, I forgot, you're completely deaf." No response, definitely deaf. The kid made no noise whatsoever, she tried to appear as still as possible with her tiny hands gripping the bark of the tree. With only half his body visible, the Twi-lek girl retreated even further back.
Tilting his head, Shinji raised a brow only to hear a shift behind him. A metric ton of weight dropped on his shoulders and he immediately went to grab his blaster, a common DL-44. Popular amongst smugglers and thieves for being exemplary in close quarters, perfect for this.
Or it would've been.
Rising out of the swamp, a single eye blinked back at him. This action detailed a much more hopeless identity of the creature beneath the water. A single bulbous tentacle with… an eye??
Shinji felt his blood run cold, "A D-Dianoga?" The water shifted beneath him, he had no time–
Pulling him underneath the water, a tentacle wrapped around his ankle and dragged him into the grasp of the Dianoga. The pressure against his chest increased. With one eye open, Shinji coughed out bubbles as the creature compressed its grip. 'Crap! It's going to suffocate me down here!' With his vision impaired, he could just barely see the gnashing maw of the Dianoga greedily preparing to consume him.
Think!
Think!
Think…
Every second his thoughts grew weaker, and his vision blurred as the tentacles completely engulfed him. Is this how he was going to die? Not from a rock, or blaster fire, or hell, maybe Darth Vader himself? Every drill, every second spent to survive in this cruel world after everything was taken from him in a single night. Just to die here. For all he gave to live, for all he left behind?
No.
Eyes widening, a rumble emitted from his skin and a thousand bubbles spewed from his mouth as he roared and propelled the force out of him. A pocket of air expanded around him before the water parted and like a tsunami, washed throughout the swamp in all directions leaving the marsh beneath bare. Keeled over, Shinji breathed heavily. His drenched black hair draped over his eyes and covered them from sight, memories danced in his mind.
"15 thousand midis… He's no Anakin Skywalker, but he is an impressive find." One of the robed figures crossed his arms as he spoke to the human female.
Looking between them, "Um, d-does that mean I passed?"
Stunned out of her thoughts, the woman kneeled down and ruffled his hair. "Hm… We still have to see if the council will accept you, little guy." Purple hair, a friendly smile. The streets of coursant weren't kind to an orphan, but her smile?
… Those days were much kinder.
Standing at the center of the swamp, Shinji stood to his full height and stared at his open palm. "Even now… The force runs through me, it's still so strong. It doesn't matter how long I sever it from my life, does it?" He frowned, dull blue eyes glancing back towards the small child sitting in the tree and staring at him with awe. The tentacle beast had long since escaped with the water, they were safe for now. Shinji sighed, looking around for his blaster. "It's only been a year… I already ruined my cover." Then again, the girl was deaf. Surely she could keep a secret? He looked at the small Twi-lek and raised a finger to his lips, it seemed she understood.
Still, the way her face lit up after seeing Shinji use the force… He almost remembered the academy.
He almost remembered her.
The child was quiet, obviously. She sat on Shinji's shoulders and played with his hair, probably because she'd never met a human before him. Humans preferred warm and airy climates to the dreary murky ones, you wouldn't find many in the Hut region. She wasn't mean like most children were either, when it came to hair at least. Brushing him with her fingers, the twi'lek child liked to put his hair in a dozen different styles if you could call them that. Although it did make him feel good that he saved her, again- using the force was not something he planned on ever doing again. It was fate it seemed. Maybe Shinji would feel better once he got paid and a 'nice meal.'
Yeah…
Coming this close to dying, Shinji wondered what the point of any of this was. Just living another day while mindlessly surviving, at least the Jedi gave him purpose… Now he was just a wanderer hiding away inside swamps, so far from the dignity and belonging he felt… with an echo of scalding words and haughty reprimands, Shinji shut his eyes.
The trail to the village was pretty straight forward, nestled on the side of a mountain ride above the swamps, the village was far from the Hut's control and was more of a commune than anything. Too small to be a village, it was mostly filled with criminals and stragglers missing from where they should be. Just like him. But everyone was pretty tight knit.
Everyone except for him.
"So, if it isn't Mr. Nobody."
Looking up, Shinji covered his face because a flashlight beamed down on him. A soft squelch and standing in front of him was a familiar face, a tall Zabrak with horns way too unkempt. "You found her? Good, Alyssa will be happy." Falling into step beside him, the Zabrak whistled and looked off into the distance.
Immediately, Shinji knew he wanted to say something. "Spit it out, Scratch." He knew the Zabrak would spend all day trying to get it out if someone didn't force it. Fortunately, Shinji was in a sour mood and he didn't want to beat around the bush.
He'd come a long way since he was a fourteen year old padawan.
"Get a backbone already, idiot!"
… Yeah, a long way.
The Zabrak gave him a sly grin, "You think Alyssa is going to 'reward' you or what? Hey, don't give me that look. You know humans and Twi'leks are one of the few compatibl– Hey! " Rolling his eyes, Shinji sped up with Alina giggling and wrapping her pudgy arms around his forehead. Scratch was the type of guy to, well, scratch at places he shouldn't. He was an annoying guy who always tried to be coy about it, he just loved teasing people.
'Just like–' He stopped himself, shaking his head and turning back to the Zabrak.
He was also the one who watched around the encampment for any newcomers, Scratch was the first person Shinji met out here, not that it meant anything now.
The scent of firewood filled his senses, they were getting close. The sound of a running river, rare as they were here, was comforting. Settled just between the swamps and the tallest mountain on Nal Hutta, the encampment was nestled in the perfect spot in one of the only regions where snow could form. Which meant less diluted water, which meant a quicker purification process. The sight of a dozen or so tents and a few cottages elicited a cry of relief from the child sitting on top of his shoulders, but between them ran a decently wide river rushing down the mountain-side. Pacing on the other side of the river as Shinji and Alina crossed over the small bridge, a Twi'lek woman turned towards them with shock written all across her face. Her head-tails flared up in surprise. She wore a hunting jacket with no sleeves and shorts that barely came down to her thighs, Twi'leks were more familiar with humid and murky environments.
Tears in her eyes, she began running towards them like her life depended on it, Shinji sighed and looked towards the top of the mountain as Alina crawled down from his shoulders mewling and sniffling as she did. At least that's over with… The temperature had cooled significantly while he was gone, and being higher up made the air pressure lessen significantly. This was the goldilocks zone, and with a constant supply of water from the icy caps of the mountain above them, it was a manageable environment to live in while being just inhospitable enough to be out of the scrying eye of the Empire. Mostly everyone was on the run from them in some shape or another.
It was a hard living, but it was life. And moments like these–
"Alina!" The two twi'leks finally embraced, the smaller of the two babbling incoherent nonsense while the older kept repeating her name over and over again. Shinji couldn't tear his eyes away from them, silent and unmoving as a statue. The familiar ping of feeling in his heart hurt, he watched them reunite. 'Even now, even in this place… The love between family can't be severed so easily.' The concept was foreign to him.
Family.
Turning his gaze towards the heavens, Shinji frowned. The stars were hidden by the planet's natural gaseous atmosphere. Luckily, it was far enough from the sun that it didn't cook them alive from the inside. But it also meant they couldn't see the outside, couldn't see the stars from here… Was living here really worth it? Shinji closed his eyes. Swallowing lightly and beginning his trek into the village at large, he flinched when he felt a small yet incredibly smooth almost rubbery hand touch his own. Turning to meet Alyssa's gaze, Shinji didn't make a sound.
"Thanks, Mr. Nobody. Come on, have tea with us!" She chirped, Alyssa liked to be friendly to everyone, a little too friendly.
Pursing his lips and looking around awkwardly, "Um, I'm not sure—" She just squeezed his hand tighter, and in the other arm she held Alina.
Alyssa gave him a wink, her perfect blue skin practically shining. "— It's not a bother, promise! C'mon, you've been out of the encampment every day for the last month, just relax." Her eyes blue, almost crystalline eyes shined just like–
Stopping that train of thought, he sighed and relented. "I guess I could." His stomach rumbled, eliciting a small giggle from Alyssa and another sigh from him.
Alyssa was one of the first people who was nice to him here, although she was nice to everyone. She was his age and an orphan too, her and her sister both. All Shinji knew about their parents is that their dad was dead, and their mom was a slave. Twi'leks weren't treated the best in the galaxy with their exotic looks and preference for non-violence. They worked well in civilized societies, but out here?
They were easy pickings, nobody expected anything from them but a target.
Out of anyone in the village, they were the ones he wanted to protect the most. From afar, of course. It was dangerous, being close to a Jedi. Well, a Padawan. Either way. Being in the young man's heart was a death sentence, hell, being near him was a death sentence. But if the Huts were good for one thing, if not ethical business practices, it was keeping the Empire away from people like him.
Ducking underneath the entrance to their tent, Shinji scanned the small dwelling for a remote place to set his stuff down. He glanced back at Alyssa to get the okay from, she gave a thumbs up. Now in just a tank top and his leggings, the rest of the gear Shinji had sat off to the side. Sighing, he took his seat across from Alyssa on a mat over a small table, she quickly curated tea for the three of them with her mobile stove. There wasn't enough room for a dining area, but this would do. Pinching at the stubble on his chin, Shinji froze when he heard a giggle across the small table as he reached for his tea.
"What?" He asked.
Alyssa placed a hand over her mouth, "It's just…" Looking around, she reached for a bag and pulled out a… a mirror, facing it towards him and waiting for his reaction.
…
Well, Scratch always said he could be roguish if he tried. Shinji almost didn't recognize himself through the mirror, no longer was his face covered in baby fat and soft from the years of steady living at the Jedi temple. A steady, light, but dark stubble covered his chin and cheeks, and his raven hair fell to his shoulders… He almost looked like–
Like… someone, he couldn't name. Just another ghost of the past.
Eyes falling beneath shadow, Shinji sighed again, he found himself doing that a lot. "At least I'm not so scrawny anymore." He lamented not expecting Alyssa to hear, clearly she did, if her trademark 'giggle with hand over mouth like a fangirl' was anything to go by.
"Hey, you're pretty far from scrawny now! You're a real man, I mean, a year ago you were just barely taller than me!" Now he was half a head taller, although you could probably blame it on his poor posture and inability to meet people in the eye.
Hell, he still couldn't. He just stared at his cup of tea this entire time. "Thank you, Alyssa." He said before taking a drink of the tea, it was warm and soothing but a little strong too. The Twi'lek just smiled at him, like she smiled at everyone.
"Hope the tea is good, I learned from Io. The old man is the best! But hey, I hope since it's from me it will be a little better." She winked.
Shinji just smiled softly, "It's good."
A tug, Shinji glanced at Alina. She made a few motions with her hands before pointing at him and recreating an explosion, vocalizations and all. Instinctively, Shinji pressed a hand to his finger. Thankful that she couldn't speak, he went back to his tea. Alyssa frowned, "What did he show you?"
"N-nothing." Shinji stuttered, "Just had to kill a Dianoga." He said like it was nothing, continuing to sip his tea.
…
A gasp, "Wait, you saved her from that? I thought she was just lost, oh Alina!" Alyssa went into her motherly mode, they weren't actually related but Alyssa found her during her escape from the Nal-Hutta capital and swore to never let her go. And now it seemed her instincts went into full effect, Alyssa glomped the smaller girl who babbled on incoherently but clearly agitated as Alyssa nuzzled her.
You'd think she was her mother… "I can't believe you, Mr. Nobody!" Suddenly she was pouting at Shinji, reminding him of something. "You had me thinking you just found her, but you saved her life!" Leaning over, she grabbed his hands with her remarkably soft ones. Her big blue eyes stared up into his dull blue ones, he pursed his lips before looking away.
"It was nothing…" He whispered.
Alyssa shook her head, "It wasn't nothing, why can't you accept you're a good person?"
If only she knew.
"Good people don't exist out here, Alyssa." He replied soberly, just above a whisper.
Pouting, the Twi-lek crossed her arms and tapped her repeatedly. "You keep saying that, so why don't I believe you?" She smirked when he averted his eyes, crossing her arms.
The small Twi'lek girl looked between them, without the ability to understand words, she had to learn how to read body language. The little girl's eyes widened, and she shook her head before blanching and running off outside. Shinji reached out and called her name only to be tugged back by Alyssa, her gaze on him was twice as intense now. Looking up at him with her twin tails almost vibrating, he swore the blue of her cheeks grew deeper. "Tell me, why do you keep everyone at arm's length?" Stepping closer to him, so close that he could smell her intoxicating scent, Shinji remembered something.
"Hey Shinji, I know the Masters tell us stuff like this is forbidden but I'm bored, so… let's kiss."
The height difference was much more apparent now, Shinji looked down and met Alyssa eye to eye. "You s-shouldn't worry about me so much. Just worry about surviving, Alyssa." He managed to get out in a rasp, more huskily than he intended.
She made a satisfied hum and placed her hands behind her back, "Surviving isn't living, Mr. Nobody." His breath hitched, his cheeks were red now, the tension in his stomach grew.
"What? Are you scared? Or do you think mommy is watching from the force?"
Reaching up to touch his cheeks, lightning danced beneath his skin as she ran her thumbs up and down. "You don't have to be alone." She spoke much lower now.
"I deserve to be." Was all Shinji could say, his eyes looking to the floor, his breathing quickened.
Giggling softly, Alyssa leaned up on her tiptoes. "Your breath is tickling me." And with his breath taken by his words, she leaned up to capture the rest. Her soft lips calmly moved against his, curiously, inexperienced. But they were warm, Shinji stared into her closed eyes and went stiff just like them. Fingers running down his body until she reached his hands, she guided them to her waist.
"Your breath tickles."
There is no emotion, there is peace. There is no emotion, there is peace. There is no emotion, there is peace. There is no emotion! There is peace! THERE IS NO EMOTION, THERE IS PEACE!
Blood.
THERE IS NO EMOTION, THERE IS PEACE
…
He could still smell the charred corpses of the other Padawans laying at his feet.
Tearing his lips away, he threw up over her shoulders, repeating the same sentence with haggard breaths while he shook against Alyssa and coughed. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" He couldn't stop himself, the tears ran freely and years of repressed emotion came out like a flood from his damaged heart.
The tightness in his chest, he held onto Alyssa like a lifeline and repeated the same phrase again and again. All the Twi'lek could do was sigh and rub his back, a small smile gracing her lips. "I guess you've been holding that in for a while, it's okay now." She whispered, comforting him with her voice and presence as much as she could.
They spent a few minutes standing like that, rocking back and forth. Shinji's low sounding sobs wracked his body with gentle movements, harsh and sharp breaths come and go. Alyssa ran circles in his back, "Hey, I told you I'd get me and Alina out of here no matter what… You'll come with me, right?" He wanted to say yes, he wanted to cling to the woman in his arms if anything to keep the pain from coming back.
But he knew that he'd only be putting her in danger.
Pulling back from her, Shinji wipes his mouth and eyes rapidly. "I-I… I can't, it's not that I don't want to… But—" Alyssa pressed a finger to his lips.
"— But you don't want to put us in danger, right?" Somehow, she knew.
Pausing, Shinji swallowed and sniffed. "Yeah." He looked away, rubbing the back of his head. "Sorry about your clothes." He said lamley.
Alyssa shrugged, "It's cool, really."
Standing there in the tent without saying a word more, Shinji nodded. He couldn't read her expression, "I need to go. Yeah, fresh air." The words spilled out of his mouth and Alyssa laughed, punching him in the shoulder.
"Don't be a stranger, 'kay?"
The former Padawan could only nod.
"You don't do anything, you'll leave me too, just like everyone else."
… I feel sick.
Fresh air? Stupid excuse, there was nothing fresh about this planet, but he had to get away from Alyssa. He really thought about it, he could, if he so wished, find a way to afford a shuttle or a ship to a remote planet far away from the Empire's domain. But he was a coward, he feared the inevitability of him leaving his guard down and waiting to be slaughtered along with the rest of his family because of it. He'd already done enough. Happiness, family, living. Those things weren't for someone like him. Redressed, Shinji tried his best to pace himself and appear calm, but every uneven step bled Into an eye watching for him to slip up. Not everyone living here was kind like Alyssa, not everyone here could be a shoulder to cry on, he couldn't slip up for even a moment or maybe one of these guys would press a blaster to his head. He came to terms with that world, with being distant from others.
So why did he keep messing it up?
"Mr. Nobody, my friend! Come here, wouldn't you?" He heard the voice of Old Io, a short and stout Mustafarian with a friendly alien smile to him. He and his nephew were sitting by the small ionic fire they were using to cook stew over, it smelled good. The Mustafarians knew how to cook, he knew that much about the reclusive species from the Jedi Temple.
These two were peculiar even for them however, the taller of the two was the younger, Zhulo, a northern Mustafarian. His 'uncle' was the shorter one, a southern Mustafarian who likely was a part of the lower branch of whichever house they came from. Zhulo always held an air of brooding to him and hardly spoke unless agitated, his uncle was a lot kinder. The two were exiled from their home planet for being verbally against the Empire's plans to nationalize everything there.
Just another pair of lost souls.
But Io was a happy one, he played a stringed instrument by the fire and sang songs related to fire and rock mostly. They were inoffensive for the most part, Zhulo only reacted if provoked. Softly strumming his instrument and humming, Io looked up from the stew and chortled at him. "I saw you coming out of Miss Alyssa's tent, I wonder, is it safe to say our resident mystery has finally let his walls down?" Silent, Shinji pulled his knees up and hugged his legs
"Don't patronize the man, uncle. Clearly, he's not in the mood to talk." Grumbled the younger of the two.
"Ahh my apologies, I was just trying to strike up friendly conversation!"
"You'd sooner strike up a conversation with a wall."
"Are you describing yourself, my nephew?"
Zhulo scowled, turning away and proving his point unknowingly. Io merely chuckled and turned back to his stew, "You're free to have some if you like, it's homemade." Which meant it was probably too hot for a human to eat, but Shinji wouldn't deny that he missed a home cooked meal. Well, missed the ones he made, it'd been a long time since he was allowed into the kitchen. Running around the temple as a youngling, he would often find himself inside the kitchens with the civilian workers. And eventually, he learned how to cook with a lightsaber.
"A Jedi should never willingly part with his lightsaber, for the lightsaber is your life. Remember that, Shin."
…
Shinji hugged himself tighter.
He heard someone walking behind him only for a figure to set down a chair and swing himself over it, it was Scratch again. "Evening gentleman." He said, unable to say anything more than that.
Io nodded at him, "Evening my friend, would you consider tasting my stew?" Io brought up a spoon that was burning red, almost liquid.
Raising his hands, the Zabrak leaned back in his seat. "Sorry, I'd like to keep my mouth intact, thank you."
Io shrugged and licked his lips, sipping from the spoon and releasing a sigh of contentment. "Ahh, this is why I love cooking!" Zhulo rolled his eyes.
"Keep it down, uncle." He said, propping his head up with his hand.
A few minutes passed while Io and Zhulo ate their stew, it'd be a little while before it was cold enough to be enjoyed by Shinji or Scratch so they were both content to wait. Io on the other hand, was interested in something. "So, Scratch, did you find anything in the city while you were gone?" The old insectoid sipped his cup of tea after the question, his gaze turning more serious.
The Zabrak leaned forward, smiling wryly. "Actually, I did learn something new. The Empire is trying to get permission from the Huts to search the planet. Again." Shaking his head, the Zabrak shot back in his chair and crossed his arms. "When are they going to learn? The Huts are never going to let it happen unless they send Darth Vader himself, or maybe a few thousand Twi'lek slave—" Bile rose up on his throat, a spike of anger shot through Shinji's system. You…
Io stroked his chin, as if sensing sudden anger. "— Mm, don't be so sure. The Sith have a way of getting what they want."
"You keep calling the Empire "The Sith." Isn't that just what the Jedi called other Jedi who disbanded from the order?" The Zabrak grunted with a roll of his eyes.
"No." Io firmly replied, sighing "At least from what I know, the Sith were a separate order. Not much is known about them, but I know that they use the dark side of the force, whereas the Jedi used the light side. Those inquisitors, for example, are Sith." He spoke seriously.
"They aren't." Shinji blurted without thinking, all three men looked at him.
Scratch smirked, raising a brow. "And you would know?"
Face stiffening, Shinji swallowed and tried to remain calm. Making a pyramid out of his arms, he covered the lower half of his face expertly. "I k-know they aren't, I r-read somewhere that the Sith followed a rule of two. Only two Sith could exist at any given time, a master and apprentice." The words flooded out of his mouth with no end, he couldn't stop himself, too late to stop himself.
Scratch smiled widely, Shinji mentally kicked himself. 'Gossip is all he cares about, what did I think was going to happen?' The alien was brimming with excitement.
Scratch leaned over and knelt by his side, clasping his hands together inquisitively, "You know a lot about them, huh? Say, which Inquisitor is the most dangerous? I heard the second is by far the strongest, but that ninth sister… what a creature she is—"
"I… I just read a bit before I came to this planet, I don't know all that." Shinji held up his hands.
The Zabrak nodded, seemingly convinced but overtly disappointed, Io seemed less interested. "I see. I wouldn't worry about either Jedi or Sith though, one must take wisdom from all sources to be truly balanced." With a finger raised, the elder Mustafarian nodded solemnly and diligently
"Spare them your sophistry, uncle."
Shinji couldn't help but agree with Zhulo, the Sith and all who worked with the Sith were evil by nature. They gave into desire and hatred, that was what it meant to be a Sith. Taking wisdom from a Sith would just make you a Sith, after all. And look what they did to the Galaxy? Shinji knew it was them, Darth Vader was a Sith and so was his master… Wherever he was. All the inquisitors were evil Jedi, former Jedi who lost their ways… There was no coming back, or so the old masters told him. The two true Sith were on another level entirely however from the inquisitors.
If he ever met either of them, he would be dead on the spot.
Io shook his head like an old sage, "Sometimes, I think my nephew misses home far too much. He is always much too grumpy!"
Zhulo just looked away, clearly homesick indeed.
Shinji felt the same.
As the day progressed, a few more of the more livelier locals joined them around the fire. It was mostly Io singing songs and playing music that kept them settled here, Shinji felt comforted by the man's presence. Even Alyssa and Alina joined them, taking a seat by Shinji, Alyssa began singing with Io and the once reserved Alina climbed into his lap and nestled against his body, shutting her eyes and yawning against him before getting comfortable. Shinji swallowed, closing his eyes and trying to fall asleep too. If he stayed awake much longer, he might decide to stay with them. And he wasn't so cruel. To protect the small child in his arms, he would embrace his exile. The punishment he faced for being weak.
"I hope you can forgive yourself, Mr. Nobody." Alyssa said underneath the crackle of the fire
"You won't even hold me."
His grip tightened around the small girl in his arms.
Fire. The word never meant something so malicious to him until now, everything was fire. Everything burned, his skin, his lungs, his heart, his eyes. He had to use the force to keep the smoke from filling his lungs, although the scent of dead children and burnt corpses around him was already fully cemented. Throwing up, the young teen Padawan instinctively reached for his lightsaber, but instead reached for the head of a clone that laid severed, horror written on the clone's face, Shinji wondered if he saw a flash of red hair before he died.
Covering his mouth again, the boy threw up a second time and pushed away the severed head. Coughing, the young boy trembled in the corner of the inflamed hallway. His breathing picked up when he heard footsteps rapidly coming towards him, reaching for his lightsaber, he prepared to attack–
"Shinji! Oh force, you're in bad shape." Her voice. Shinji felt like crying, he wanted to cry, he wanted to cry until nothing more would come.
Instead, Master Misato wiped his tears and gave him a big smile. A funny black and white droid perched on her shoulder, "It's going to be alright Shin, I promise. You're going to be strong for me, 'kay?" The teen Padawan could only nod as Misato pulled him up only for her to hiss in pain, it was the Shinji realized that she had a blaster wound in her left tricep. Raising two fingers, she gave him a strained smile with one eye open. "I'm fine, didn't hit any major arteries and blaster wounds cauterize, thank the force." Nodding dumbly, Shinji let himself be dragged away by his Jedi Knight Master.
"M-Misato, w-w-what is happening?" He managed to get out, his throat burning from the acid of his stomach.
Face unchanging, Misato didn't answer for a second until they both passed into a less dangerous line of sight. "The Sith are happening, Shinji." And that's all she would say, about the matter.
Running over bodies and narrowly evading the sight of the clones, Shinji wondered where Misato was taking him. Sensing his confusion through their bond, Misato brought him out onto a landing pad before stopping him and kneeling down so she was at eye level. "Listen, Shin, I'm going to have to go back and find Asuka, okay?" He felt like crying at the mention of her name, but he held it back. Like always, Misato frowned and looked away until biting her lips and bringing him into a bone crushing hug.
"I love you, okay? Code be damned, you and Asuka have been like children to me and if that means I've betrayed the Jedi, so be it!" She blurted out, sniffling and kissing the top of his head. "I just wanted you to know that, no matter what happens; I'll always love you both, alright?"
Shinji swallowed as she held onto him. "M-Misato?" His voice quivered with strained emotion.
Smiling as a cruiser pulled into port, Misato never let her eyes off of him. "You're going to go with Kaji, he's a friend of the Organa's and he'll keep you safe until I can come find you." Pausing, "With Asuka." She added. Rubbing his shoulders, she kissed his forehead one last time.
Looking at the lightsaber in his hands, Misato smiled and handed him her own. Shinji stared at her quizzically until Misato took his green one, "Keep that safe for me? This is a new beginning for you, and it's a promise that we'll meet again, okay?" She activated the saber and it blazed a royal purple, Shinji stared up at it in awe like always. He heard Kaji yell something, but he was too enamored with what Misato was saying to him. With as much intensity as she could muster, "Remember what it means to wield a purple lightsaber; like my master before me– both light and dark flows through my soul, but I act as a force for light while channeling that force with dark." She deactivated the lightsaber and pushed it against his chest.
Standing to her full height, she lit the green lightsaber and took the stance of form VII. "Never be afraid of the dark, only be afraid of what you'll find in the absence of light." Shinji began calling her name as a new pair of arms pulled him away into a cruiser, "Goodbye, Shinji. I will find you!" She shouted after him, waving with a smile on her face.
With a new face talking next to him, Shinji couldn't hear him. Trying to keep his emotions in check with the familiar code he knew all too well, the code he beat into his head, the mantra.
'I love you, Shinji.'
That was the first time anyone said that to him, he realized with the emotion flooding through his smoke and ash covered face.
But…
That was the last he ever saw of Misato.
He never got to say 'I love you' back.