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"Goodnight Itadori." Fushiguro said, hand on the door knob to his room. He looked at Yuuji with a small smile, which Yuuji returned.
"Night Fushiguro!" he replied, then both of them opened their doors and stepped into their rooms.
Once the door was shut Yuuji slid down it until he hit the floor, hand covering his mouth to muffle the sobs threatening to spill from his throat. The battle was over, they were all home now, Kugisaki and Fushiguro were alive, it should have been okay now. So why was it so hard for him to breath, why were tears pricking the corner of his eyes, why was his heart racing? Everything was fine now, wasn't it? Kenjaku's dead, Sukuna's dead, it should be okay.
"Why are you crying brother?" Yuuji looked up, eyes wide as he met the
source of the voice. In front of him stood his older brother, Choso, he looked different from the last time Yuuji saw him. There wasn't a single injury on him, save for the line of blood that was always on his nose.
"Choso?" Yuuji mumbled, memories flashed through his mind, but they were too fast for him to see anything. He remembered something happening to Choso, something bad, so why couldn't he remember what it was?
Maybe it didn't matter, after all Choso was here standing in front of him now. That meant he was fine, right?
Choso smiled softly, "Yes it's me. What's wrong Yuuji?" Choso knelt down, making their faces level. Yuuji couldn't say anything, what was wrong? Something was wrong, but he couldn't put his finger on what it was.
"I- I don't know." Yuuji muttered, scrunching his eyes shut as he tried to remember. It had happened so recently, he knows that, so why was it so hard for him to remember?
Choso's eyes held a quiet sadness as he watched Yuuji. He didn’t say anything for a moment, just knelt there, close enough that Yuuji could feel the warmth of his presence. He reached a hand out and rested it gently on Yuuji’s shoulder, grounding him, as if the simple act of being near was enough to anchor Yuuji's spiraling thoughts.
Yuuji took a deep breath, focusing on the touch, the feeling of his brother. It was almost non existent he noticed distantly, but he ignored it, instead relishing in the fact that his brother was here with him. He felt like for some reason he shouldn't be.
"Something feels wrong Choso.. Like.. Like you shouldn't be here." he muttered, staring into Choso's brown eyes.
Choso tilted his head, confused, he must not remember either Yuuji decided. The thought pained him, why couldn't they remember this thing that seemed to be so important? Why was it so hard?
"I don't know what you mean. I'm here for you Yuuji." he comforted, squeezing the hand on his younger brothers shoulder. The hand was cold, it was unusual as Choso was a naturally warm person. Yuuji chose not to dwell on it.
Neither spoke, a comforting silence overtook the room as Yuuji took in his brothers features, he wasn't sure why but he felt like he needed to remember as much as he possibly could about him.
Yuuji smiled, a soft kind of sad smile, "I'm really glad your here. I was.. I was so scared, but I couldn't tell them. I'm supposed to be the strong one, you know? The happy one, but with you.. With you I can be weak. I can be your younger brother and rely on you. So I really needed you." he rambled, his thoughts continuing to pile up as he really thought about everything that had happened to him. Since the start of the Shibuya incident life had just been one big rollercoaster of emotions and experiences, he hadn't had the time to focus on anything or really allow himself to grieve over the people he lost.
Now that everything was over, now that his big brother was here to shield him from anyone else that might try to take away the peace from him, he could actually allow himself to feel, and actually process what happened, because his big brother would protect him and comfort him and that was all he needed. For once he was allowed to be sad, he was allowed to be the one to rely on others rather than have them rely on him.
Choso returned his smiled and reached his other hand up, pulling Yuuji into a hug, it should have been warm, Yuuji wanted to be able to bury himself in the warmth, but instead it was just cold. It was freezing cold and Yuuji almost pulled away in shock at how cold it was. Choso held onto him tight, curling one hand in his hair and rubbing the other along his back.
"I'm always here for you Yuuji. I'm your big brother, let me be the strong one." Yuuji’s eyes welled up with fresh tears, and he couldn’t hold them back any longer. He let out a shaky breath as the tears fell, but this time, they felt different. They didn’t feel like grief, not exactly. They felt like release. Like he could finally let go of some of the weight he’d been carrying, even if just for a little while.
Choso held onto him tighter as he cried, and Yuuji was so thankful for him. He couldn't have asked for a better older brother. Even if he couldn't remember some things, even if some memories were fuzzy, he knew it would all be okay because his big brother was here, he held him in his arms and made him feel like nothing else in the world mattered except for him.
"Thank you. Big brother." he whispered, and the words brought a wave of nostalgia to him, he couldn't understand why. Words flowed through his mind but he couldn't hear any of them, except for two phrases, a conversation seemingly between him and his brother, but he just couldn't remember when or why it happened. "Thank you, Yuuji. Thank you for being my little brother." "Thank you. Big brother."
Yuuji's head hurt as he tried to think about what he was forgetting, but he just couldn't. It was too hard. Nothing was clear, it was all fuzzy.
"Don't think too hard brother. Just enjoy the moment." Choso broke him out of his own head, as if he could read his thoughts. Maybe he could? What all did his connection to his brothers include? Yuuji wasn't sure.
Yuuji listened, choosing not to think about the blurry mess of memories in his brain, instead thinking about this moment with his brother, his brothers comforting presence and the way he was able to actually be himself around him.
After a while Yuuji's tears dried up and Choso pulled away, they smiled at eachother, and Yuuji decided to strike up a conversation. Talking about whatever came to his mind as his brother just nodded along, occasionally adding in his own thoughts where he found necessary.
A knock on the door interrupted their pleasant conversation, Yuuji groaned and stood up, opening the door to reveal Fushiguro. He looked troubled, and glanced around the room, as if looking for something. "Hey um, I heard you talking in here. I was just wondering who you were talking to."
Yuuji tilted his head in confusion and pointed behind him, "I was talking to Choso." he answered simply, and Fushiguro's face scrunched up in concern.
"Who?" he asked, leaning his body to look around the room.
Yuuji turned around, and to his shock there was no one there. He looked around, trying to find out where his brother could have gone.
"I uh- He was just here. Where did he go?" he said to more himself than Fushiguro, the other boy narrowed his eyes.
"Who is this Choso?"
"My brother! I guess I haven't got the chance to tell you guys about him huh?" he turned back to Fushiguro, confusion still filled his body. Why would he leave just because his friend was here? Was he afraid of him seeing him? Why though?
Fushiguro raised an eyebrow, "You have a brother?" he questioned, and Yuuji nodded enthusiastically.
"Yeah! I just recently found out myself honestly." there was a smile on his face as he thought about his brother. Choso had been there for him during his worst moments after Shibuya. He meant a lot to him. He wished he could introduce him to Fushiguro and Kugisaki. Why did he leave?
Fushiguro nodded, "I see. Where is he?" the concern hadn't left his face, and Yuuji turned around again, hoping that maybe he'd have come back. The space behind him was still empty.
"I don't know." he whispered, smile fading as memories once again ran through his mind. This time they were clearer.
Then it hit him. Choso wasn't here. He never was.
Yuuji turned his body back to Fushiguro, but kept his eyes glued to the floor. "Actually, we were just talking on the phone. Sorry to bother you Fushiguro." he muttered, swallowing down the lump that formed in his throat.
Fushiguro looked him up and down, worry filling his whole body at the change in Yuuji's demeanor. "Are you okay?"
Yuuji smiled again, "Yeah! Don't worry. I think I'm gonna get some sleep though." he gestured to his bed, and waited for Fushiguro to leave. He hoped he'd just leave and not worry about him, the last thing he wanted was to break down in front of his friends. He had to be the strong one. He had to be.
Fushiguro was silent for a moment, "Okay. Goodnight Itadori." he resigned, stepping back from the door.
"Goodnight!'
Fushiguro walked back to his room with one final glance towards Yuuji, who continued to smile at him.
Once Fushiguro disappeared into his room Yuuji shut the door and moved to his bed, sitting down on the edge.
He looked up, Choso was there again. A sad smile coating his features.
"You're not really here, are you?" he asked, though he knew the answer to that already. Tears filled his eyes as Choso sat down next to him.
"I'm not." he confirmed, his tone quiet in a way he'd never heard. The way he phrased it reminded Yuuji of when Choso first claimed he was his brother.
Choso and Yuuji slid next to eachother, both breathing heavily from fighting. "Are you our ally?!' Yuuji had asked, confused on why the guy who had just tried to kill him was suddenly helping them, and claiming he was his brother.
"I'm not!" Choso had declared, and Yuuji was even more confused than before. "Huh?"
"I am your older brother."
Yuuji groaned, angry about everything that had happened, Gojo being sealed, Sukuna's rampage, Nanami and Kugisaki's death, Todo losing his hand, the fact that he wasn't able to kill Mahito, it all boiled to the surface. He stared at the guy, "Could you please take this seriously?!" he begged, he didn't want to deal with this right now.
Choso didn't seemed phased by his anger, he raised a finger to point at Yuuji "Let me hear you say it out loud Yuuji, call me brother."
Yuuji didn't say anything in reply, instead turning his focus to Nishimiya who was flying down towards them.
Yuuji smiled at the memory, before it was tainted by another one. A more painful one.
"Choso?! What are you doing?" he shouted, shocked by the older boy as he blocked the attack aimed for him.
Choso smiled, he smiled in the face of death, and Yuuji wanted to cry right then, but he didn't. "You can't do this!" he begged, internally he begged him to run away, to just let him die because at least his death would be a good thing for the world. Choso's wouldn't. Choso hadn't done anything wrong. Choso lived to protect his family, Yuuji was a murderer.
"I'm sorry I was useless during training. Your big brother tends to do things instinctively."
Yuuji didn't care about that, he never saw his brother as useless, and even if he was he didn't care. He cared about his life, about keeping him safe, so why was he doing this? "Cho-!!" Yuuji didn't finish his sentence, a thought struck him. "Instinctively huh? You really hit the nail on the head."
Then they were in a place Yuuji hadn't seen before, sitting at a table in a forest, two empty seats beside them, probably reserved for their other brothers. The brothers that Yuuji had taken away from them. The brothers that Yuuji had killed.
"Yuuji, you got a grasp on reverse cursed technique much fast than I did." Choso said, a fond smile on his face.
"Not thanks to me. Sukuna just happened to use it alot in my body." Yuuji had argued, he didn't want to be praised or seen as better than his brother. He was such a good person compared to him.
"Don't be so modest. It's only natural for a little brother to surpass his big brother." and Yuuji felt tears building up again, he didn't want to surpass him. He didn't deserve it. He didn't deserve his praise.
"That isn't any reason for you to leave." Yuuji couldn't lose him, he couldn't lose another person. Another person who didn't deserve to die would, because of him.
"Well I need to apologize to Tsukumo too." Choso looked up with a smile. Then it fell and he refused to meet Yuuji's gaze. "Yuuji.. I'm sorry. I'm leaving you on your own again."
Yuuji's eyes widened, he couldn't understand why he'd be thinking about that at a time like this. "That's what you're worried about? You were there for me when I needed someone the most. That's more than enough." he did his best to muster up one last smile for Choso.
Choso looked shocked, "Is that so?" thoughts of their other brothers filled Choso's mind. He thought about them and how they never got to be freed. Then he thought about his time with Yuuji, and how it was so much shorter than he'd hoped it'd be.
They were back in the domain, and Yuuji soon realized they had never really left. It was all in his head. "Thank you, Yuuji. Thank you for being my little brother." Choso was completely burnt at this point, his voice ragged as he pushed out his last words.
Yuuji shut his eyes, unable to watch as yet another person died in front of him, for him. Yuuji was quiet for a moment, "Thank you. Big brother." that was the first time he'd called him that, and Yuuji was sure if he could Choso would have smiled.
Then Choso was gone, and the domain broke apart. He sat on his knees, all alone once again. His brother was dead. The only person who had been there for him after Shibuya was dead. Had he not been in the middle of a battle, Yuuji thinks he would have cried.
Now, Yuuji was able to cry. Tears fell from his eyes and he buried his face in his hands. Unable to look at the hallucination of his brother that his mind had formed, because that was all he was, a hallucination. He wasn't really there, and he never would be again. He'd never be able to see his brother again, hear his voice, hear his laugh, or see his smile. He was gone.
A cold hand rested against his back and Yuuji sobbed even harder once it disappeared. He finally looked up and was met with nothing, there was no one there. There never was.