Chapter Text
Moments like these are the ones that make me believe in some sort of karmic justice guiding the universe. And that somewhere along the line, I must have angered some vengeful god, otherwise I have no explanation for how things always turn for the worse.
As I wordlessly raise my cup, the bartender gets the message and pours another shot from an already almost empty bottle of liquor, despite sighing when doing so. Not the taste matters after I don't know how many cups, or the sensation it brings, or everything that comes after exaggerating on this stuff. It's just that it's still better than the alternative, Despite the loud and obnoxious music, and flickering lights that only enrage even more the throbbing in my head, I still rather indulge in all of this than return once again to my apartment, alone once again.
For once, I thought this could end up different, the fool I am. She seemed understanding at first when I told her how much my work can keep me away from everything. I fought hard, harder than everyone else to reach my current position, and I don't plan to let it go so easily. Gone were the nights spent with a pen, paper, and a calculator, trying to squeeze as much as possible from every single cent, sometimes researching what debts could be postponed with the least amount of issues. No, after all the effort, all the blood and tears, I can finally sit comfortably without worrying if I'll have enough until the next paycheck. I don't like to boast or show off, but I won't deny my pride for finally being able to live where I want, buy whatever I want, and eat whatever I desire.
Your job is more important than everything else for you. If you like your job so much why don't you just marry it? Yes, yes, I heard the first time. Did they all go together to a camp to learn all these phrases together? I told her very clearly that my job takes priority for now, at least until I feel stable enough. It's not that I didn't like her, shit! I did! A lot! Would she like me if I couldn't take us to dinner at all those expensive places? If the reason we couldn't meet was because I wasn't able to afford even the goddamn transportation?
Yet, it was the same, after all. Left to search for someone who "truly" cares for her. Good luck with that, she... she probably deserves it.
I really thought this time it would be different.
"Hey, ma'am! You better take it easy there. Someone as beautiful as you shouldn't be sulking so much."
Maybe it was because of the flashing lights. Or maybe it was just too much alcohol already, but I couldn't discern the features of who spoke these words. She... yes, it was a she, seemed to be sitting on the stool next to me. I'm pretty sure she just arrived because I am certain I made sure no one was around me before... indulging in my drink... drinks.
"Damn, lady. Did you empty this bottle all by yourself? This thing is pretty strong, do you need any help?"
My mind seemed to be dragged from that introspective world back to the outside. Horrible experience, by the way. My headache is unbearable and it feels like I'm about to throw up. Thanks for that, random stranger. The way her voice sounded was cheerful and carried a hint of a laugh, but it didn't seem to be from contempt, at least.
"I don't think my actions warranted any type of solidarity." I spout back, a bit more aggressive than intended. "I'll be fine if I'm left alone."
"Wow..." Her voice seemed to lose a bit of its cheerfulness. "You seem about to pass out. Are you feeling like throwing up? Here, lean on my shoulder, I'll help you to the bathroom."
I quickly rose to my feet, but before I could refuse whatever nonsense she was going about, like a switch flipping where everything turned upside down, I knew the next attempt of a word out of my mouth would result in me throwing up right here. My body involuntarily leaned forward and it only didn't end up meeting the ground because she caught me, sliding one arm around my waist.
"There, let's go, lady." She pulled us both up. "Hey, Siobhan, we'll be right back. Close her tab, okay?"
There was no way I could turn around to see what the bartender answered, every drop of effort focused on not falling or making a mess in the middle of so many people. This... girl. We seemed to be around the same height. At most, I am a centimeter or two taller, but in our current position with me half-falling down, she stood higher. She also felt strangely experienced in this. Was she used to picking up random drunkards around and walking them to the bathroom?
"Oh, you are laughing, ma'am? Good, because tomorrow you will feel your body very angry at you." She said while giggling. I did not notice I had laughed too.
Thankfully, the death march to the bathroom didn't take long, and maybe my karma wasn't that ruined, because at least the bathroom seemed empty aside from both of us and pretty clean, too. Of course, the moment where we stopped, everything went to hell and I threw up everything I ate in the last decade. And maybe some more.
"There, let it all out. Don't worry, I'm holding back your hair."
Frankly, this is a seriously pathetic display. Throwing up in a bathroom while a stranger helps me wasn't on my "to-do list" when I woke up today, but still, despite everything, I don't want to return home. At least, those years before, I could cross through my apartment in less than ten steps. When I bought my current one, I planned for it to be spacious enough for at least two people, but it's funny how disproportionately huge it feels when you are alone in it.
Hah... I shouldn't be postponing a decision that can't be changed. When I am finally able to catch my breath after emptying my stomach, and the world starts spinning a bit slower, I turn my face towards the girl still holding my hair back.
Her face is a mix of amusement and concern, which is an interesting mix. She has her beige hair pulled into low twintails, both fastened with black hair ties. She wears light makeup that seems almost professionally made, giving her skin a fair aspect without looking overbearing. Light eyeliner helps move your attention to her eyes, green irises like emeralds full of life. Her clothes are relatively simple and don't seem to be on the expensive side, but are put in a way that accentuates her figure while looking more cute than sexy. Young, full of vigor, and definitely an extrovert based on their recent interactions, the total opposite of what I usually look for in a partner. Still, she is indeed very cute.
She gives a light chuckle "Hehe, you are staring, ma'am."
"Oh, I'm sorry. I must still be... Forget that." I sigh, taking a deep breath. The least I can do is show my appreciation for her help. "Thank you for helping me despite us never meeting before. I apologize for the... state I'm currently in."
Even just a few words represented an enormous effort, my mind is still a mess due to way too many things, alcohol being just one of them.
"Don't worry, miss! Not even on the top ten of worst introductions I've seen." She laughs again. It's not as annoying as the first time. "If you are finished here, let's go back to Siobhan and clear your tab. You should probably head home after that, to be honest. Should I call a cab?"
Based on context, I'd say she's talking about that tomboy bartender outside. If she knows her name, that means she's probably a regular here. Honestly, I just entered the first decent-looking place I've found after wandering aimlessly with my car for an hour. I'm still in the same city, but I don't usually come around these parts. Shit, I forgot I came with my car. There's no way I can drive now. Hah... I'll request my secretary to ask someone to get my car back tomorrow. Perks of being a higher-up, I suppose.
Still, that's an awful lot of solidarity for someone who you just met. And despite acting like a regular, knowing the bartender and where the bathroom is without having to look around, she looks completely sober, and I'd bet heavily against her being anything other than a lightweight. What a strange girl.
"No need to make me feel better, I'm aware of how sorry I look." I finally manage to stand without lurching over. To say I'm better would be an overstatement, but I should probably be able to walk on my own. "You already helped more than you should, but I'm afraid there's little I can do to pay you back for your efforts. Oh, except paying you, literally, of course."
"Nono, let the money thing to my clients. I didn't help you because I wanted something back, I did because it looked like you needed it!" She replies to me. While I'm washing my face in the sink, I can see she's smiling. Wish I could be as carefree as that. Still, the headache pulsing in my forehead like a hammer makes thinking any more deeply about her words an impossibility.
As we leave the bathroom, she still walks close to me. I don't know if she's doing that because she doesn't trust in me not falling on the way back or because she finds it hard to grasp the concept of personal space, but after everything she has done, I'm not one in the position to complain about such a thing.
In any case, I still manage to walk back without tripping on air. After getting my tab closed and paying for the bottle I drank, my only way of going back home is to call a cab with my phone. The silver lining is that it isn't too late, after all, only a bit past eleven, still a fine time to get home. Ugh, I need a shower... And I still need to wake up early tomorrow for work. That's going to be tough, but I'm not one to let personal issues harm my work.
"I guess this is where we part ways." I turn to the girl still at my side. "Uhm, are you going home too?"
Don't ask me why I said that. Maybe I was just trying to make some small talk before leaving.
"Ah, no..." She taps a finger on her chin. "I still need to get to work for today. Gotta earn money so I can keep helping cuties in the bar."
If this was supposed to make me embarrassed, it only managed to make me roll my eyes. But she looks like she's only saying this as half a joke, which ends up cracking a small smile from me.
"Sure, sure... Are you sure you don't want any money?" I still feel bad for the trouble.
"One hundred percent! Oh, I know!" Her face lightens up. "How about you tell me your name as payment, miss?"
"My... name?"
She nods her head up and down. This girl has something wrong in her head, I swear.
"Well, it's not like I'm hiding it. My name is Fu Xuan."
She immediately grabs my hand and shakes it with way too much vigor for my state. "Nice to meet you, Lady Fu Xuan! I'm Qingque!"
"You don't need to call me lad-" My words are interrupted by the horn of my cab arriving. "Oh, well. Goodbye then, Qingque. Have a good night."
"You too! See you later and take it easy on the alcohol!"
She jumps on her feet and before I can react gives me a peck on my cheek, running off like some misbehaving child, giggling all the way. If my head wasn't trying to kill me, maybe I could muster some reaction. For now, I only want to get home, so I enter the cab and close the door, mercifully muffling all the loud noise from the outside.
The clock on the bedside table indicates that it's just short of five in the morning. Earlier than I usually wake up, but not by much. Unsurprisingly, I feel like garbage. My mouth feels like I spent the last two hours chewing on sand, and my forehead thumps like a church bell on a Sunday morning. Still, I force myself up on my feet, swallow some painkillers, and take off my clothes to take a shower. The outside world is in that state just before the end of the night, where it's not as dark but you can't really see the sun yet. Most people outside would be the ones coming back from a night of parties and clubbing, while the responsible people are about to wake up for another day of work.
A cold shower would probably be preferable but I can't bring myself to not turn on the hot water. While my body throwing a revolution in protest of my last drinking night keeps me distracted, each passing moment makes this grief, this feeling of loss more present. I wholeheartedly miss her. We were together for... it should be two years next week, would be, I guess. We had been living together for more than three months already, and I was just getting used to it. Why did it have to end in such a way? Was it because I didn't give her enough attention? Sure, one of the reasons for us moving together was exactly that, trying to squeeze as much time as possible from my very busy routine. It looked like it worked at the beginning... Having dinner together, sleeping in the same bed.
However, she still couldn't understand when I needed to stay at work. She would demand for me to come back, but I couldn't. She knew that I couldn't. We talked about that so many times.
"... Damn it."
It's twenty minutes by car to the company building. Right, I don't have a car now, so I will need to ask for a taxi again. I enter at seven, and I'm not feeling like eating breakfast, maybe just a simple bread will suffice. That gives me enough time to get my head in place before starting the day.
God, at least I had enough brain to not get into a relationship with someone from work, that would be a disaster. Not that it would be possible, of course. I have an image I need to keep, and letting people know that their boss is a lesbian doesn't help. I have enough already to deal with the accusations of being heartless, cold, and a workaholic.
Oh, it's fine, we accept you, they all say at the beginning, only to start looking at you like you suddenly turned into a predator ready to pounce on every breathing woman nearby. I've seen it happening enough times. I still remember back in high school, when I made the mistake of falling in love with an upperclassman, the eyes of every other girl when we would go to the changing room. Disgusting.
After the heavy sigh that escapes me, maybe in hindsight, I should have taken a cold shower.
"Ms. Fu Xuan, here's the paper you requested from the marketing department. I will also be letting them know about the new schedule."
I blink my eyes multiple times before the flyer on my table can be focused on. Another task was added to my calendar. My secretary turns to leave but stops before crossing the door.
"Ms. Fu Xuan, are you... having lunch today? It's past three already, the kitchen is probably already closed, but I can order something if you want."
Past three? I want to say that time flew by but at the same time, it feels like my body aches with every passing second.
"No, it's fine, Mingyue. I'm not feeling like eating today."
She seems like she wants to say something, but ultimately decides against it and leaves, closing the door behind her. I'm grateful for that, one thing I don't need is to explain myself today, I have enough on my plate.
Somehow my mind drifted back to the girl in the bar yesterday, I believe she said her name was Qingque. Strange girl, but I couldn't deny she had a good heart. I can't see myself doing any of that for a stranger. She didn't even accept any money when I offered.
Wait... She did say something along the lines of only accepting money from clients. I wonder what her job is- Oh, of course. Alone in a bar at night during a weekday, completely sober despite being a regular, accepting money from clients and saying that she needed to work after I left. I must have been more out of myself than I thought if I couldn't connect the dots that were so clearly in front of me.
Two feelings come to life inside of me. The first one is something between curiosity and pity, wondering how someone who looked cheerful and carefree as she ended up there. Was it by option or maybe something else? She looked younger than me, too...
The other sentiment I quickly stuff back inside of me again, as it's a dumb and irrational one, probably a result of how strange our encounter was and how bad I'm feeling. Did she really kiss my cheek before leaving? God...
I wonder if I would find her there again if I returned.
"Hope you take it easy today, ma'am." That same bartender, the one Qingque called Siobhan, says before placing my order in front of me, and I immediately have to hold back the urge to roll my eyes, despite knowing the truth in those words.
"I have no plans of repeating that display, you can rest at ease." And it's true. Despite having a free day tomorrow, I have no plans of spending my Sunday with a hangover. One time is already enough for a whole week, so I just sit on a stool next to the counter while I wait.
Honestly, I'm not sure why I'm here. I debated these last few days against it, but couldn't throw the idea out of my head. Maybe I just didn't want that to be my last and only image here. However, despite already being three hours since I entered here, a time I spent checking my phone and eating a few bits here and there, I can't find that girl anywhere. Perhaps she's... at work... I shudder at the implications of that. Or perhaps she just doesn't come here every day, that would be logical. Or perhaps even she just doesn't want anything with m-
"Oh, it's you, Lady Fu! Hi!"
The voice reaches my ears before she enters my vision. I have never seen someone able to address me with a title and still be as informal as she does. When I realize, she's already sitting next to me. She looks exactly the same. Same twintails, maybe not the exact same clothes, but the style didn't change. Now that my mind is clearer, I see that one of her twintails has a small brown bird in her hairpin. And, sure enough, she continues to carry that carefree smile from last time. It's almost contagious as it makes my lips twitch and also curls into a little smile.
"Good evening, Qingque."
Good, she's here. Maybe if I express my gratitude for the last time, I can put this whole thing behind me and not bother anymore.
"Aah, you are not drunk again, are you?" Before I can even answer, she jumps in my direction and is suddenly way too close to my face. I noticed it last time but she really has no concept of personal space. The annoying thing is that for some reason her proximity bothers me less than it should. Perhaps it's because she already saw me at my lowest before.
"N-no, I didn't drink much today. And I've been eating too."
While that's the truth, I can only think that it must be the alcohol's fault for causing me to stutter like this. She stares at me with her eyes full of disbelief, only to go back to her cheerful smile a second later, sitting back on her stool.
"Great! It's not good for your health if you end up drunk every night." She grins, swinging free her legs that, despite the stool not being that high, still don't touch the floor.
Focus back. First, show gratitude, second, apologize, and then offer some recompensation. Then never return to this place, go back to work like usual, and try to find a partner that won't dump me.
"Ms. Qingque," I clear my throat, "I want to thank you for your assistance last time. I am not usually one to present myself like that, but you helped me nonetheless, and for that, I'm grateful. Once again, I ask if truly you don't want any compensation for your troubles. I feel indebted to you."
"Wah, so formal!" She instantly replies. "Don't worry, don't worry! It was no bother at all. And don't call me Ms., please. Makes me feel old, ehe."
Sustaining a conversation with this girl is harder than it seems. "Still," I hold back a sigh, "Won't you accept anything for the time you wasted on me?"
"That was no waste at all, no problem. We girls have to help each other, right? Oh, I know! If you want to repay me, why don't you tell me why you were sulking like that? Oh, it's love troubles, isn't it?" Her face opens up in a smirk.
"It's none of your business." is what I almost say as a reflex, but... It should be fine, right? I won't deny that I'm not past grief and talking with someone who's almost a stranger, without any connections to people that I know... Maybe it helps.
"You are correct..." I let myself take a long breath. "My partner of almost two years left me and I felt a bit... lost."
"Ouch, that sucks. I can see why you ended up drinking a bit too much, then. Why would they leave a cutie like you, though? Were they blind?"
Despite the ease with which her words seem to come out, I feel my cheeks heating a bit. "It's... my fault, I guess. Even after moving together, we still didn't have much time together, maybe not as much as they wanted. What can I do? I'm at an important step at my job and I won't let it escape me. not a chance!" Grabbing the still half-full cup at my side, I take a long sip, the burning liquid helping me deal with the feeling of opening up to a stranger.
"You do seem the type to dedicate too much time to your job." She giggles. "Still, if it was me, I wouldn't let a beauty like you escape that easily, hmpf." Crossing her arms, she puts up an almost proud expression.
Despite the uncalled flirting, the next thing I hear is the sound of my own laughs. I didn't notice they coming, but I guess... it did make me feel better.
"What? Think I'm joking?" She exclaims, and it only makes me laugh harder.
It takes a minute or two before I stop laughing. I can feel my cheeks flush and had to wipe some tears from my eyes. Despite my initial conclusion, talking with her feels almost natural. I don't remember opening up to someone in a long time.
"You were pretty cute already, but even more when you're laughing." She looks back at me, with her head atop her arm, resting on the counter.
The flush from my face darkens. Am I being hit on? She's probably just doing that in a way to help my spirits up, or maybe for teasing, but still makes me feel embarrassed, hearing it so plainly like that. I turn back to my drink, which unfortunately is already empty.
"Well," I clear my throat... again. "Anyway, thank you for hearing me out. It helped a bit."
"People say that I'm good at that, and it happens pretty often in my job. Although, I usually charge for it."
After her last tease, I moved my eyes out of her direction, so I didn't see her expression as she said this. Even then, it needed a second or two for me to grasp the meaning of it. For a moment, all I can say is "Oh!"
Thinking about it makes sense. I bet lots of people who end up looking for these types of services are the ones who have no one else, which makes them also pretty lonely. The fact that I fit in that description helps in absolutely nothing to lessen my very red cheeks. Worst of all, she seems to be expecting some answer from me.
"I see... Then, will you accept my payment as I previously offered?"
"Aaand we are back at being formal." Once again, she laughs at her own words. "I told you I'm doing this not as a job, people can be supportive without second intentions, you know?"
She looks a bit hurt, but before I can say anything, she displays the biggest smirk she has shown yet.
"Unless, of course, you want to hire my services?"
Should have seen that coming. With services, she can only mean one thing, right? I'm pretty sure what her "job" is, but doubt creeps in. What if I'm just assuming things? That would be a hell of awkwardness. Maybe she's just a coach or psychiatrist, after all.... Who am I kidding? It's infinitely obvious what it is.
"Y-your services, you mean as a s-se..."
"Sex worker, prostitute, bitch, whore, escort, hooker, you choose."
My hand holding the counter is the only thing preventing me from falling on my back after hearing this. She doesn't seem even a bit bothered for saying those things but I still can't tell if her offer was serious or just a way to tease me again.
Wait, why does it even matter? It's not like I would even consider hiring someone to have sex, in the first place. I'm not that desperate. Sure, it's been some time since I last had someone. I was in a relationship but for at least the last two months we hadn't talked much, sex was completely out of the picture. Even though we were living together...
Shit. That's one thing I only realized now. So much I was involved at my job that time passed one day at a time, and suddenly it turned into months. The guilt that I feel must be enough to show on my face because Qingque's expression suddenly changes after looking at me.
"Lady Fu? Sorry, was that too much?" She looks truly concerned. "It was mostly a joke, I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable-"
"It's not it." My words cut through hers a bit harsher than I intended. "Sorry, I meant to say that it's not something you said. It's just... I realized another mistake that I hadn't noticed until now about my last relationship."
"I think I know what you mean." Her voice is softer now. "Happens a bunch, sometimes it's no one's fault, but you can't help but feel dejected or even insecure. Sometimes you can start to feel unappealing and start wondering if it's your fault. If I had to make a guess, it's probably what your partner felt."
The words cut deeply, because I know that they strike true. I feel my jaw rigid as I unconsciously clench my teeth.
"... I am a piece of shit."
There's no other way of saying that. All this time... I had way more time than I should have been allowed to. She gave me so much time, and I couldn't understand until it ended. No, even as it ended I didn't realize completely the reasons. Qingque joked about my partner being blind, but it turned out that I was the blind one. I deserved to be left alone. It was me who killed any love remaining in her for me.
"No, Lady Fu." I feel a sudden warmth and notice she has grabbed my hand. "A shitty person would never admit being wrong. You made a mistake, and it sucks feeling like that, but it's fine! What you need is to raise your head again and keep going. Admitting one's mistakes is the first step to never committing them again!"
Her hand feels warm. It's a bit smaller than mine, not by much, though. My eyes blink a couple of times as a solitary tear runs next to my dry mouth.
"Is the offer for your services still up?"
She looks almost stunned for a moment, before opening back into an almost too smug smile.
"Definitely!"
No matter how many times I try to understand, I can't come up with a reason for what was going on in my mind to ask that. Maybe I'm just that lonely, or really... pent up. It's been months, after all. Immediately after I said that and before reason would make me retract those words, Qingque helped me close my tab at the bar and grabbed my hand, pulling me towards a corner at the bar where a door revealed a set of stairs leading to an upper floor.
Saying like that is a disservice because the place didn't look shady in the least. The new floor we arrived in had a long corridor with lots of doors on both sides, almost identical to what you would find in a hotel. It also seemed pretty clean and new, thankfully.
"So, what kinda room you want?" She suddenly stopped and turned back, asking me.
"Huh? What... what do you mean?"
"There's three types of rooms here." For some reason, she's still holding my hand. "There's the basic one, with just a bed, TV, fridge, and a bathroom, but it's very decent, I mean, it's the most common and requested one. Then, there are the suites, which have a larger bathroom with a tub and are just more spacious in general. Finally, there's the deluxe room, self-explanatory."
Wait a moment, I thought this was just a normal bar but it's actually a brothel? It looked normal from the outside, almost fancy, and there were plenty of people eating and drinking like you would expect from a bar. Then, again, I guess not every brothel needs to look like a haunted alley in the corner of the city. It also meant that a lot of the women I saw back in the bar were probably... God, thankfully I didn't speak about being here with anyone else. My carefully crafted image would instantly crumble.
"Hello, Earth to Lady Fu!"
Seems like I got lost in thought for a second too long. Guess I'm doing this.
"Is the suite fine with you?" I ask.
She opens up a smile too carefree for what we are talking about. "Anywhere is fine, don't worry! Suite it is, then, follow me!"
Pulling me by my hand, she guides us to a door next to the end of the corridor. There's a keypad on the wall and she quickly types some numbers before the door is unlocked and she pulls us both into the room, the door automatically closing behind her with a single beep.
"Ah, that music was getting on my nerves." Qingque stretches her arms, and I still think she's way too calm for this. Or maybe she's just used to it, or maybe it's me that's too nervous. "Gonna take a shower first, wanna go together?"
"What?!" My body takes a step back instinctively. "N-no, I'll go after you."
"Alright. I'll take just a minute." Before she disappears into the bathroom, she looks back at me. "Don't run away, Lady Fu!"
"I'm not running away!"
Ignoring how much I'm stuttering through words and how I feel my whole body burning up, Qingque closes the door to the bathroom, laughing all the way. After some seconds have passed, standing around proves too much effort, so I just sit on the bed. The mattress is very soft and it smells like clean soap. It's big enough for two people, and there are also two pillows, but I reckon not much actual sleep is done around here.
Running away... I'm not that pathetic. Despite not knowing what truly motivated me to ask her, I know that turning back and running would only make my nights even more troublesome to sleep. And I guess it's not all that bad... Qingque is very cute, after all. But I can't help but be nervous, I never did something like this with a stranger. All my previous relationships took one step at a time, in the proper order. Meet someone, learn more about them, become friends, go out on some dates, ask for a more serious relationship, then move to kisses, and only after that would come...
"I'm done, Lady Fu. Are you going to take a shower too?"
"Yes, that's what I-..."
My words are snapped out of me before I can conclude my thoughts, as my eyes land on one very daring choice of clothes for my partner for the night. It's not exactly what I expected for an escort, as it's not exactly full-on sexy like a lingerie would be, for example. It almost looks like, no, it's a nightgown, definitely, but the fabric is so thin that it's borderline transparent. I can clearly see the lacy underwear beneath it, both bra and panties colored in a soft blue. My already burning face feels even hotter, and other parts of my body heat up as well.
"Like what you see?" She giggles.
"Uhm... I... I'm going to take a shower now."
Running past her, I make my way to the bathroom and close the door, hearing her giggling behind me.
"Don't take too much of a cold shower, Lady Fu." I hear her saying from behind the door. "It's not the appropriate weather for it."
Of course, she read through my intentions. A cold shower would help me get my head in place but maybe... Yes, I think it's better to not think too deeply about this, after all. It should be fine, right? Nobody will know about this and it's just a one-night thing. At worst, things will stay the same as they are. Perhaps by doing this, my mood can improve a little and I can look again to get into a relationship.
As the warm water falls through the shower onto my body, it helps me relax, just a bit.
"It will be fine."
"Here, Lady Fu. Sit down next to me!" Qingque calls me as soon as I leave the bathroom. "Let me dry your hair!"
She waves her hand, excitedly, in a way that you could think this is just a girls-night instead of... What it actually is. I guess, since we're going to do this, we might as well start with something along these lines. She probably is trying to make me more used to her touch and proximity.
She grabs another towel on the bedside table as I sit on the bed. She quickly positions herself behind me and starts using the towel through my hair. "Uwah, your hair is so beautiful, Lady Fu. It's so long and soft... I'm so jealous!"
Her movements are each taken very slow, and despite my initial fears, it doesn't take long before I let myself lean into her as she moves the towel through my damp hair. I'm not immune to compliments, either, so her saying these things does make me happy. Still, some thoughts can't help but come to the surface as time goes on.
"... You don't need to keep calling me 'Lady Fu'. Just Fu Xuan is fine."
"Eh? But Lady Fu sounds so cool, can't I?" Her head appears in my peripheral vision.
Why is she looking at me with puppy eyes for such a thing? Honestly...
"Suit yourself, then." I sigh.
"Yey!"
Another moment of silence comes up. It's awkward, yet I don't feel too pressured to make conversation. Perhaps it's for the best to just stay like this for the night? Do we need to...
"Can I massage you, Lady Fu? I'm pretty good at that."
Nevermind.
"F-fine... Don't go too hard, please."
"Leave it to me!"
Her fingers press down on my shoulders, so soft that they almost feel like a small breeze, slowly building more pressure. I can't deny, she's very good at this.
"... Qingque, can I ask you something?"
"Of course, Lady Fu." She quickly replies. "Ask away."
"... How did you know that I was... lesbian? Did I mention that my previous partner was a woman?"
"Hmm..." She hums behind me. "I don't think you did. I just had a guess, people say I'm pretty good at guessing others. That and I found you very cute, too."
My face blushes. "I... I see. Thank you..."
"No need to thank me for stating the truth."
...
"... Are most of your clients women, too?"
"Haa..." She lets out a heavy sigh. "I wish that was the case. No, it's very rare for a woman to look for these types of services, and most of the time they go for specialized places. Unfortunately, I have no choice in that matter."
Something about the way she said irked me in the wrong way, but I'm in no position to ask such personal questions to her. In any case, I notice her hands have moved away from my shoulders and are now gently pressing against my sides, and even though I can't help but feel my anxiety rising, my breath feels almost relaxed. Almost.
"Can I take off your shirt, Lady Fu?"
"Yes." I gulp down as if trying to swallow my anxiety down my throat. "You... can."
A shiver runs through me as her fingers reach for the hem of my shirt and start pulling it up. I raise my hands to help her in the task and just like that, one piece of clothing goes away, revealing my underwear which, while I very much did not intend for it to be seen by another person, it's thankfully still not a fully boring one, while still being comfortable to wear. A simple light pink set, not much to say about them.
Her fingers feel more daring now that they come in full contact with my skin. They slide from my sides towards my stomach, and because she's still sitting behind me it almost feels like she's embracing me, pulling me closer to her. Her fingers feel cold on my burning skin. They feel like hot iron, searing as they travel through exposed flesh.
"Ah..."
My voice doesn't betray my feelings as what appeared just an attempt to breathe again resulted in a soft whimper, but maybe because of how close she feels, how directly I sense her breath against me, it is less embarrassing than I imagined it would be. More than anything, I can't deny the growing arousal pooling inside of me and beginning to overflow, as after so much time, I'm finally being touched so tenderly again.
"Say, Lady Fu..." Her voice sounds almost like another person speaking. The cheerful, smug girl I've met clashing against how downright erotic she sounds right now. "What would you like to do? Do you want to touch me? Or do you want... to be touched?"
"Hmgh... I... would like to be on the receiving end."
She giggles again, a low sound, distinct from the playful laughs I've heard. "Alright, as you wish. Is there anything you particularly like? Or something you don't want? Please, tell me. You don't need to worry, my purpose here is for you to enjoy yourself tonight."
Her arms now have turned into a full embrace from behind me. I can feel the softness of her chest against my back, and her mouth is so close to my ear that every sound it produces makes me shudder.
"I... don't know..."
Her movements suddenly halt. "You... don't know?" She sounds genuinely confused. "Are you... a virgin, Lady Fu? No problems if that's the case, it's just..."
"No, I'm not." God, my voice sounds almost alien to me. "I just never paid too much attention to these things."
There's almost an annoyance in her voice when she talks again. "Lady Fu..."
I hear shuffling behind me and she moves her arms away from me, instantly making me miss their warmth. Please, don't tell me that I ruined this again.
Before I can sulk into my feelings, she moves around and kneels in front of me with a determined look on her face.
"Don't worry, Lady Fu." She smiles, grabbing both of my hands. This is so much worse now looking eye to eye. "Let's do it like this. If I do something you don't like, tell me immediately and I will stop. Same for the other way around. If you like what I'm doing, tell me so I can do more, okay?"
My heart is divided between beating faster from... Well, from the obvious situation I'm in, but at the same time feeling relieved from not having messed up this time... yet.
"Yes, understood." I nod my head. It's not like I'm completely new to sex or something like that, just... I never paid too much attention to this stuff. After all, isn't the connection between two people who love each other the most important thing in the first place? If you are doing it with someone you like, it will be good...
All of that is to say that I never focused on pleasure as an end. Everything just happened when it needed to.
"Please, don't be shy to speak what's on your mind, Lady Fu. You will only offend me if you let me do something that you don't enjoy, okay?" Qingque said while still holding my hands, her touch the same feather-light gentleness when she massaged me. "So, to begin. May I kiss you?"
"K-kiss?" Already throwing me completely off-guard, and once again I need to bite down the immediate answer that threatens to come out of my mouth before I had any time to think. Sometimes, it truly feels like some sort of defense mechanism. Nonetheless, my initial impression was that most sex workers had a no-kissing policy, but maybe it's something particular to each one of them. Still, even knowing I risk sounding like an innocent damsel, kissing is something that should be done only with your loved one.
Although... Qingque is undeniably very cute when she's smiling like that and her hands also feel very warm. Even if the reason is that it's her work, she has been nothing but gentle and accepting, even now waiting patiently for my answer.
"... Yes. Y-you... you may kiss me." Not a surprise when I hear myself saying this. "But no deep kisses, please."
Her smile brightens up even more. "No need to say 'please', Lady Fu! Remember? This is all for you, don't hesitate to speak your mind."
Heavens, this is beginning to affect me more than I expected. Before I can attempt any type of response, my words fly away from reach when she presses her lips on the back of my hands. It's almost too soft to even be classified as a kiss.
She raises herself from the ground and I feel myself being lightly pushed down onto the mattress. I let it happen. Qingque keeps hold of my hands, her fingers interlocking with mine as she pins my arms on the bed, one on each side of my body, and she slowly starts to press light kisses on my skin, starting from my stomach and making her way up. Each time her lips come in contact with me, it feels like they leave a mark behind and I can pinpoint every single place they traveled through. Her thumbs caress my palms and even if all she has done is kiss my upper body and hold my hands, a heat begins to pool inside me, like a knot that starts to entangle itself more and more. And I know that she knows because my voice and breathing that escapes unimpeded let me hide nothing.
"Is this good, Lady Fu?" She looks at me and I almost can't stand how her eyes make me feel.
"Y-yes, yes it is. Please, keep going."
She smiles and goes back to kissing my body, now coming dangerously close to my chest, and it's like I never want her to reach that point while desperately needing her to go faster and tear any clothes that get in the way.
Finally, she releases my hands and I feel the tip of her fingers slide just barely below my bra. Her eyes look up with a silent plea and there's no need to say any words for me to know what she's asking. As soon as I nod once again, permitting her to continue, her hand masterfully unclasps the hook on my back and my breasts are exposed to her eyes when she pulls the fabric away.
At first, her motions stay the same, those lip presses that could barely be classified as a kiss now dancing on the edge of my naked chest. Even during my relationships, for a while, I've been... conscious about their size. I'm not ashamed or anything about it, I like to think myself above such notions. But I discovered that it quickly changes when you present yourself in such a vulnerable sense.
Not with Qingque. There was no mockery, no pity, nothing of the sort in her eyes. Instead, as I lay there completely naked from the waist up, I could only find... it's difficult to tell, honestly. Admiration, desire, and somehow... relief? It was almost like a puzzle hiding in those green irises.
One of her hands made her way through my skin, from my leg to my waist, my stomach, crawling bit by bit towards its destination, slow enough to both fan my already flaming desire, and to also give me plenty of time to stop her if I wanted. Except for small gasps and whimpers that made their way through clenched teeth, I stay silent.
As her hand finally stopped to cup my breast, she lowers her head onto the other, and no amount of embarrassment could hold back the nothing short of erotic sound that my voice let echo in the room. This was different from before, those gentle kisses were still there, but there was more tongue, more teeth, more hunger. And I let her. I let her mouth lick, bite, nip. I let her hand squeeze, fondle, pinch. While silent was the complete opposite of my voice now, I did not attempt to halt this.
"Mmh, Lady Fu..." Qingque released her mouth from my breast with a loud "pop", her eyes looking up towards me while her hand was occupied having my nipple pinched around her thumb and index finger, rolling the bud between them. It was almost painful how hard they were. "Please, tell me what you want me to do."
My whole body felt on fire, even the dim light from the room felt too bright on my eyes, forcing me to cover them with my arm, or perhaps it was just the embarrassment from everything claiming its toll on me.
"Q-Qingque..." Was her question genuine or an attempt to further tease me? I would bet on a mix of both. "Please, I can't... No more. Please, t-touch me."
She slowly blinks her eyes, a simple smile acknowledging my wish. Moving her body further up on the bed, so that our eyes were on the same level, she let her hand repose atop my thigh, caressing and making me question how such a tender touch could cause sparks that shook my entire body. It wasn't long before that hand went up pressing against my stomach, before lowering itself again, this time under the clothes to find the place where all the heat I'd been feeling since I'd been pushed down seemed to come from.
"You can let yourself go, Lady Fu." Her voice seemed to come from all directions and echo directly inside my head. "Let me hold you."
The moment where her fingers went inside me, it was almost like the entire world was turned off, the only things remaining were the bed on which my body was lying, and her two fingers slipping in and out of me, our two bodies mixed like a single entity.
"Ah! Qingque! This is-..."
My words were cut off when her lips found mine. Despite the heat, the desire, the sex, even now her kiss was no more than a soft press of lips on top of mine. Even though I wasn't certain that I didn't want her to devour me, clench my hair between her fingers, and use my mouth as much as she desires... She remembered my earlier request.
The knot inside me kept tangling itself more and more until it finally... snapped. Never before had I let myself go such a distance, even after staying with someone for years, I kept holding back. In just two brief encounters, this girl had completely snapped me clean.
Stars exploded in my vision, my whole body clenched around her fingers and the wave that washed through me felt endless. Tears fell like waterfalls, my voice breaking into a mix of moans and sobs as each second of my release went on until my body finally relaxed, boneless and exhausted on the bed. For I don't know how much time I could only gasp for air and try to regain my lost senses. A warmth atop my hand anchored me back to reality.
Any thoughts were interrupted once what felt way too loud alarm rings, coming from the bedside table.
"Hah... I was hoping we had more time left." Qingque sighs, and I could swear a shadow of something akin to regret flashed for a second on her face. "Time's over, unfortunately, Lady Fu. Rules state that I must leave now, but you can still stay here for half an hour before you are charged again."
I can hear and see her laughing, but something tells me it feels wrong, maybe it's the way it doesn't reach her eyes. She leans down to press a final kiss against my cheek before getting on her feet and walking towards the exit but stops right before her hand reaches the doorknob.
"Oh, right. As you don't have a member card, you will need to pay at the counter before leaving." She lets out a deep breath, strangely similar to what one would take before a dive. "See you around, Lady Fu. I guess this is the only way that I know, but I hope I at least helped a bit."
There was not enough time for me to come up with an answer before she left the room, closing the door behind her.
I stare at my own hand against the light of the room. That hand that she held in the end, still feels warm.