Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Haechan yawns, pushing through the door into the lecture hall on a bright sunny morning. It was a decision he can only blame himself for that made him so sleepy. His face burns red at the reminder of what exactly had him staying up late last night. 

He shakes his head, he's in public, for fuck's sake.

It's the first day of his Korean Literature lecture, taught by a Professor Mark Lee that has scarily no stats or reviews of his classes. Luckily even with the late start to his day, he still isn't the latest to class, the auditorium still currently being filled with students. Haechan opts for the seat closest to the exit but still close enough to the professor's desk and podium. He only has a couple of minutes before class officially started so he used his time to scroll through his phone for the time being. 

His phone is still left on the screen he's been on last night, since he fell asleep and only got ready within four minutes before running out the door. The humiliation hits once he realizes and Haechan violently spams the volume down button before anyone around him can hear. Once the volume bar shows that he's absolutely on mute, he finally lets his guard down and relaxes. 

He's looking at one of LeoMH's most recent posts, a quick 3 minute video with a black screen and its title being 'a quick one'. It was shorter than his other posts, since he normally does live streams that last up to 20 minutes but Haechan is happy to get any crumbs for him right before the school year starts. LeoMH is the only person that Haechan's been subscribed to for the past year, his content never failing to get him hot and heavy in the comfort of his bed in the late hours of the night.

Haechan isn't usually the type to follow NSFW creators, it really isn't something that he necessarily wants to spend his money on. He doesn't look down on anyone who makes or consume that kind of content but it never seems to get him riled up, not ever enticing him. But LeoMH is entirely different. Since the day he saw LeoMH's promo tweet advertising his samples, he's been hooked . He doesn't do exclusively audios of his sensual low voice but also does live streams that features his unfairly well proportioned, lean, and toned body. 

He doesn't always do NSFW content but also does small Q&A sessions for his fans periodically, to thank them- his subscriber count amounting to just shy of 100k. It's through those videos that made Haechan not only attracted to him but also enamored; the voice that had him coming into his hands, also tiredly talking about his long work days and his family. 

Haechan's gallery is embarassingly full of this total stranger; screenshots of different body parts from his live streams, screen recordings of him grunting, and his most treasured moment; when LeoMH acknowledged in one of his Q&As.

"What do I like to do in my free time?" He chuckles, reading Haechan's question out loud. "That's a nice question." The camera only shows his upper chest where he's wearing a simple white dress shirt. Haechan doesn't have to look to see that he's sitting with his legs spread apart, his usual black belt peeking through out the bottom of the screen. He raises his hand out of frame, probably sliding his hair back while he thinks.

Haechan lays in his bed, his toes curling and rubbing together against one another at the rush of blood throughout his body. He's already been screen recording when LeoMH announced his sudden live stream but he's definitely going to clip this part and engrain it into his memory. 

"I like playing music," LeoMH answers. "You guys probably didn't see this coming since y'all thought I was like in my mid-30s and a graying CEO, but I've been into playing the guitar and things like that since I was a kid."

The young student's back stiffens at his answer. They have something in common.

The chat speeds up with a plethora of questions asking if he sings makes LeoMH laugh. "Nah, nah. I don't sing. I just like to do the playing and composing on the rare occasion. I don't know, it was always a part of my life but I don't think I'll go professional with it, just a passion of mine. Lately with work and school, I haven't had the chance to really go back into it but I might soon as soon as I get the time. Thanks, sunshine.hc, for asking me that question, it gave me some good memories." He leans down, just enough for the lower half his face to show in the frame and gives a boyish smile that sends tingles.

Haechan can feel his heart speed up and he has to pull himself away from his phone to burrow his face into his pillow to scream.

LeoMH's posted a community post a couple of weeks ago, warning them about his incoming inactivity since he's moving for work soon and he'll need some time to get situated before he can do the usual content and live streams again. Which is why Haechan was so surprised to see the video from last night, making the choice to stay up even though he had a morning class the next day.

Thank you, LeoMH, for this gem of a video before you have to go. Haechan mentally sends his love to him wherever he is and finally decides to shut off his phone, since it's finally time for class to start. 

He rocks back and forth in his chair and takes his time to look around, it seems like a lot of students signed up for this class even if the professor is pretty new. The doors pushed open for a young man, wearing black pants, a loose cotton dress shirt and silver framed glasses, to step in with a brief case. 

"Hey, everyone, I'm your professor for this Literature class, Mark Lee. You guys can call me Mark or Mr. Lee, whatever works, I'm not a stickler for names." The young man introduces himself, a goodnatured smile on his face. Haechan inches forward, not only was the professor noticably younger than he expected but shit, he's hot . 

He silently watches as the man continues talking, setting up the projector and making small talk with everyone in front of him. He smiles easily, being genuinely interested in what the students has to say and sharing about how he got there. 

"It's actually my first year teaching here as a tenured professor, I've been adjunct at the local university nearby." Mark explains, his gaze focused on the computer screen while he pulls up the syllabus. 

When it gets down to it, Mark is a competent professor. He gets more serious and his expertise clearly shows. He's getting more confident, the way he leans on the podium as he thoroughly explains the information of the slides making the content seem less daunting.

Haechan's trying his best to pay attention but his eyes are wandering each time Professor Lee pushes back his sleeves to his elbows or has to readjust his glasses. 30 minutes in, Haechan's busy appreciating his professor's arms and incredibly well sculpted face instead of the roots of how Korean Literature was derived with different styles. 

It doesn't hit that he spent a good part of class fawning over the man until Mark shuts off the projector and starts dismissing class. Haechan winces at the realization and he stands up to put his things into his bag. He really can't afford to be failing this class which is why he pushes himself to stand in the small line forming at the podium, who are all waiting to ask the young professor a question. 

The professor's smiling when Haechan reaches him. "Hi, how can I help you?"

Haechan's throat dries when he sees how closer he is to him and that the lack of distance only emphasizes how good he looks. He clears his throat. "I know this is soon but can I ask for your office hours, I feel like I'll need some help with digesting the material."

Mark's smile doesn't falter and he nods, shifting the briefcase's strap on his shoulder. "Well, it's going to be every Wedneday and Friday, from 12-3 pm. If you ever need help on any other days, you can email me at the contact information I left on the syllabus. I'll respond as soon as possible."

"Oh, okay, thank you," Haechan bows to him, internally promising himself that he won't fail even if the temptation of his incredibly hot professor is very much there.

A few weeks later, Haechan sits in Mark's office with the professor explaining the basics of hyangga and its frustrating integration of idu . Haechan is honestly going to lose it because it's confusing and he can't even begin to understand it.

Mark stifles his laugh as he looks at Haechan, waiting for a confirmation of his understanding, but all that's on his face is a confused frown.

Haechan sighs, his head falling down while he scratches his head. "I'm sorry, professor. I- it's just really confusing."

"I get it," Mark calms him down gently. "It was hard for me, too. It's important to remember that there isn't much structure or rules explaining why it is what it is. It's a matter of memorization." 

"I feel like I'm wasting your time," Haechan groans, glaring at the computer screen that's shining, almost mocking his frustration. 

Mark's wearing something more casual than the first day of class, wearing a blue shirt over a white t shirt and some dark jeans. His more modern fashion styles makes him look really young, probably the same age as Haechan. 

"You're not," Mark calms him down gently. "I'm here to help you, Haechan, you're not wasting my time at all."

Haechan's pupils slightly dilate at Mark's choice of words and his heart jumps up to his throat. He looks away and coughs. They've only met during class before today, when Haechan is at his wits end about the class and declares himself desperate enough to attend his office hours. Thankfully, Haechan managed to tame his ever growing attraction to take Mark's class seriously, wanting to really apply himself- for himself and…for the professor's twinkle in his eye whenever he engages and asks questions. 

LeoMH's been inactive ever since his small video drop which makes Haechan's heart tinge a bit but it does make studying for school a lot easier when he doesn't stay up all night fantasizing about him and his other nightly activities. It's actually a good development because as it turns out, he's having more trouble with this class than he thought.

"Sorry." Haechan meekly says, ducking his head down when Mark gives a playful warning glance. "Sorry for saying sorry."

Mark is really nice and kind, making Haechan warm up to him well in the first hour he's been there. He's patient and he listens to his struggles in understanding the ancient Korean alphabet. He explains things well and he gives him sample problems, going through the trouble of detailing the process of translating and intepreting the language rules extensively each time. So…it really isn't Haechan's fault that his internal authority kink that is supposed to be buried deep inside peeks out each time Mark gets even a little stern. 

Mark chuckles and pushes back his computer to stretch his arms out. "Do you wanna take a break?"

"A break?" Haechan is confused.

"Yeah, from the course work." Mark puts his elbows on the table and he nods at Haechan's computer. "Have a breather." Haechan's hesitant but he follows Mark in stretching as well, leaning to his right and left to extend his arms up. Mark reaches out an arm to rest it on the back of Haechan's chair, leaving it there.

"So are you a literature major?" Mark asks, his eyes intently glued on Haechan when he turns back around. "I know a lot of students take this class because they have an elective to fulfill."

"Um..no," Haechan shakes his head, now astutely aware of Mark's arm close to his back. "I'm just a dance major but I'm minoring in literature and I wanted to expand my horizons."

"A dance major with a minor in literature," Mark repeats, his eyes darkening. "Interesting."

Haechan laughs, now a little self conscious. "Yeah, I've always had an interest in modern literature but it's the historical part of it that's really tricky."

"What made you want to do dance?" Mark asks, his other hand leaving the table and resting on his leg, dangerously close to his crotch. Haechan's embarrassed for even noticing it but the way Mark is insisting on maintaining eye-contact is getting a bit intimidating, causing him to look away every couple of seconds. 

"I always enjoyed dance when I was younger, I did ballet and jazz for years and it was just a part of me. It just seems like the fine arts is my home." Haechan explains, comfortable now that he's just talking about himself. He leans forward, his hands curling into fists on his knees. Maybe an inkling inside of him knows that it's slowly treading into a territory that he's too scared to put a label on, with the way Mark's been looking at him and how the atmosphere got heavy right when he offered for them to take a break. "What about you, professor? Did you always want to do lit?"

Mark pulls his arm back, the brown watch glistening with the dim office lamps' lights. "Mm, I always liked writing so I majored with literature in the States but I got my Master's in Korean literature here in Korea."

"You went to university over seas?" Haechan's lips part at the new set of information. "And got your Master's here?" Mark looks at most 10 years older than him yet he's done enough like some of the older professors in their 50s and 60s in their university. "That's- how old are you, 24? " 

Mark freezes for a few seconds and laughs out loud, "I'm 28, Haechan." 

Only 28 , a voice in Haechan's brain whispers. 

"Still…that's really impressive, especially when they're both so different." Haechan mumbles. "I can't imagine doing it both in America and here. Not when this makes me wanna cry already."

"Thank you." Mark looks genuinely thankful for his praise, the familiar twinkle that Haechan's been chasing after appearing in his eyes. "It was tough but if you have a real passion for it, it becomes worth it."

Haechan wilts a bit, his trouble and difficulty seeming childish and embarrassing in front of Mark now that he knows how much he's accomplished. His shame seems to be written all over his face, Mark's smile fading when he sees it.

"Hey, I'm serious," he interrupts, making Haechan look up from the floor. "It was hard for me too. There were times when I borderline failed some of these classes, but if I can do it, I know you can too."

"Did you fail because they were hard or was it because the professors sucked?" Haechan asks, doubtful that his genius professor would fail.

Mark looks to the side and tilts his head with a smile. "Well, it was a mixture of both. I had my fair share of struggles with the content and the people I learned from."

"Unfortunately for me, I'm just struggling because I'm stupid, because my professor is actually good." Haechan retorts.

Mark's face turns faintly red and then shakes his head, making his glasses fall down his nose a bit. Makes Haechan wanna lean over and- "You're not stupid, Haechan. Just gotta keep working hard on it and I promise, it'll be come to fruition."

Haechan sighs, pouting slightly. "Yeah…I just have to hold on and bear it, no matter how hard it is."

Mark's glasses fogs up a bit for some reason and he coughs, and for the first time since Haechan's seen him, looks flustered.

A couple of hours later, Mark sends him home with a better understanding of the chapter, although he gave Haechan some more passages to strengthen his learnings, Haechan does feel more relaxed when he enters his home. 

He throws himself on the couch, mentally letting himself get this break after strenuously using up his brain for the past 3 hours of memorizing the rules of the old Korean alphabet. As Mark sadly informs him with a teasing smile, Korean literature requires some background knowledge of the intricate systems that made up the very language they're currently studying.

A ding! pierces his self relaxation bubble and when he does finally register what it could mean, he sits straight up to see a long awaited message on his phone.

[OnlyFans]: LeoMH has started a live stream: 'hi i'm back :) a small q&a and life updates'

Gasping for air, Haechan immediately leaps up off his couch and runs straight to his bedroom, drawing the curtains shut. He grabs his computer from his bag and goes to the website, his hands slightly shaking when he clicks on the only creator that ever graces his dashboard.

It's a livestream that's showing LeoMH's upper chest only, white being the only thing Haechan sees while the streamer is shuffling on his screen. 

"Hey everyone," the familiar voice prickles his computer's speakers as LeoMH adjusts the camera angle so it's straight and captures what he wants to show. He leans back in his chair and Haechan turns off the chat display button to get a better look at the set up. It's different from his older set up, where it seems like there's more space in the background. There are some bookshelves set up and even though the camera's too far away for Haechan to really discern what exactly is on it, there's alot. He gives them a guilty wave. "It's been a while, huh?"

"Too long," Haechan whispers, watching LeoMH laugh at the chat presumably blowing up, covering his mouth. He's honestly content with just watching the streamer, his body tired of the long two weeks and school draining him.

"I'm sorry about going MIA on you all but good news, it only took a little bit for me to get everything done and now I'm happy to announce I'm back." His usual voice filter masks his true pitch but it still lets his bass and intonation shine through, the dry chuckles and rare vocal fry making Haechan's stomach clench. "Thanks for being understanding about the small hiatus, it was a big step in my life and I just wanted to make sure everything was all good."

He leans forward. "You guys want me to talk about work? Well, I got a new work opportunity and between me and you guys, it pays a lot better and is entirely a lot more stable." 

LeoMH pauses and smiles, his full teeth showing. "Aw, thanks for the kind words, guys. The hours are the same so you guys can expect the same schedule you guys are used to before, the usual content drop every 10 days and a live stream here and there."

"You guys want more live streams?" He reads out loud. "Haha, if I do it too often, it kind of takes away the specialness of it, you know? Gotta keep it exclusive so you guys can enjoy it more for the times I do it." He raises his index finger to his lips, sending a fire down Haechan's spine. "Alright, that's honestly all I wanted to share about the move for now, here's your chance to get any juicy questions you may have answered."

This time Haechan turns the chat window back on, curious to see if anyone will ask things he's also been wanting to ask.

"Did anything rocky or bad happen when moving into my new workplace or home? Ah, not really. Thankfully, it was a smooth transition and everyone's cordial. Did I make any friends yet? Well, it's not really an environment where making friends is going to be that common," he looks off to the side, as if he remembers something. "There is someone I met that I'm taking a liking to though."

Haechan freezes.

It's not uncommon for streamers and OF creators to talk about their girlfriends or boyfriends but LeoMH doesn't ever talk about his personal relationships, even his friends or mutuals. He's created a space where parasocialness is rare thankfully but it's the first time he's ever spoken up about someone.

"Is it a crush?" A question that is now spamming the chat from everyone watching and LeoMH seems to have read it, chuckling. "I'm not sure yet. I just seem to appreciate their presence when they're around."

Haechan isn't that delusional, knowing full well his full-blown crush on a whole stranger on the internet isn't going to be successful in any capacity. He's just some guy, albeit extremely attractive and hot, who made Haechan orgasm countless times.

But while he absentmindedly watches LeoMH addresses the comments, Haechan lets a small, small part of his heart mourn the loss of the ability to fantasize about being with him. 

Just a little bit.

-

"Mm, that's much better, Haechan." Mark comments, his fingers scrolling up the mousepad from looking over the essay that he's been working on for the last week. "I like how you pointed out how Chinese literature at the time influenced the writings of the Joseon texts, the historical context provided a lot of needed background."

Haechan tries his best not to visibly melt at Mark's praise, instead flashing the professor a grateful smile. It's only been a month since he's been in class and despite his anxiety on his performance in the class, it's just been a minor pain the ass. Thankfully, Mark has been really helpful with his feedback and corrections, making passing his quiz on the Korean alphabet incredibly easy a few weeks ago. Now, Haechan's getting more confident in the lecture too, being able to fully understand the nuances and complexities of the text that Mark frequently references. 

It also helps that…he and Mark are getting more familiar with each other. Maybe it's their smaller age gap that makes connecting with the professor easier than he would with others but it doesn't hurt that Mark is genuinely nice to be around. Mark seems happy each time he sees Haechan show up to his office hours, inviting the student in with a cheerful welcome. 

It feels almost like they're becoming friends.. ?

"Thank you, professor. It's really thanks to you," Haechan sweeps his eyes over the tab that's displaying an ambitious 1384 worded essay. Mark, even though he's kind and a good teacher, doesn't shy away from handing out assignments that require enough typing to make Haechan's hands hurt. He doesn't hold it against the professor, knowing that the class is just going to be essays on intepretation. And to his credit, Mark makes it worthwhile, giving extensive comments on all of the essays and even holding seminars on what he's looking for in a A+ worthy piece of work.

"Why don't you send me the document itself, I can help you edit the draft on the days you can't make it to office hours, I've had some free time lately," Mark turns towards him. Haechan blinks at the sudden forwardness of the question. 

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, the essay has potential and I'm excited to see how else you can improve on it before Friday comes," Mark replies. He doesn't even wait for Haechan to give his approval, his fingers immediately finding the share button of the word processor.

Haechan sits still and lets him, still confused but not stopping him. It does sound nice, maybe it'll get even more and better feedback with Mark having nonstop access to his essay. He squints, watching Mark type in his email.

"Is that your email? I thought it was something different on the syllabus?"

Mark doesn't make move to stop typing. "It's my personal one, not the school one."

Mark's busy with his eyes glued on to the screen but Haechan's feels like they just popped out of his head. Even with his increasingly distracting crush on the professor, he knows with his incredibly horny heart that this is entering an alarming territory. 

Professors aren't supposed to give out their personal information, right?!

It felt wrong but Haechan still lets him, watching Mark finishing sending it off and checking his phone for the confirmation. He knows that they're settling into a friendship quickly but this…

Mark smiles, satisfied and shows it to Haechan. "Alright, just shoot me an email every time you need some feedback and I'll be able to help you as soon as I can."

Haechan gives a hesitant smile back. "Thank you."

Before he pulls his phone back, Haechan's eyes reflexively fly to the messages below it.

One sends his heart into full stop, making him feel the blood drain from his body. 

[OnlyFans]: LeoMH, you have 2,987 new subscribers this month! See the rest of your stats and earnings here!

Mark sees his face barely drop and he puts the phone down to take a look at him. "Haechan? Are you okay? It looks like you've seen a ghost." He leans in and raises a hand closer to his forehead. 

Haechan rips his body away and sputters, "No! I mean, no- I'm okay, I promise. I just, I feel under the weather right now." His head is spinning miles an hour and he doesn't even think he can trust his eyesight, much less his mind to behave properly.

Mark frowns, either at Haechan's sudden behavior or how abrupt the news of it is, and he leans back in his seat. "That isn't good, you should go home quickly and get some rest."

Haechan is about to vehemently agree and run home as fast as he could but a knock on the door causes them to stop. 

It was another student in Haechan's lecture, poking their head in to see who's in the office for now. Her name was Joohyun or something like that if Haechan could remember correctly. She can also get active in the lectures, sometimes taking part of the heated debates with the other students and being the main reason why their classes drags longer than they're supposed to.

"Professor?" She turns her head and she looks surprised to see Haechan. "And Haechan-ssi, nice to see you. I just wanted to ask you a question."

Mark fully stands up from his desk and pushes his chair into the open space under his desk. "Ah, Joohyun. Is this related to the email you sent me earlier?"

"Yes and I just wanted to make sure you received it." Joohyun steps closer but is still farther away from the both of them. She seems visibly aware that Haechan's still in the room, her eyes darting from him to Mark rapidly. 

"What is it?" Mark steps away and over to where Haechan sits, close to other side. "And you don't have to mind Haechan here-"

Haechan sees the opening to go home and he takes it. 

"Actually, I was right in the middle of leaving!" Both Mark and Joohyun looks a little taken aback at his exclamation, the slightly excessive volume probably startling him. Haechan smiles awkwardly at them two and packs away his computer as fast as he could. "Thank you for all your help, professor. I'll be taking my leave." He bows to them both and high tails it out of there, the last thing he saw being Mark's confused frown.

He slams the door to his home shut and throws his bag onto the floor.

There's no way. There's absolutely no way. Maybe it's the light, maybe it's the glare of the ceiling light hitting Mark's phone and distorting the letters on his phone. Maybe it was Haechan being delusional, manifesting any of LeoMH near him.

Each time he brings it up, a part of his brain jumps at the possibility, just the chance of it being real being enough to shock his brain into malfunctioning. 

What if it's just wishful thinking , Haechan thinks, resorting to pacing back and forth in his living room, what if his brain somehow consumed drugs without him knowing and now it's combining both his crushes on LeoMH and Mark?????

He stops and digs his hands into his eyes, feeling physically sick at the amount of confusion and gaslighting piling up inside of him. 

The image stays the same. His memory doesn't change nor fade. 

The email clearly says LeoMH .

Haechan shuts his eyes, too scared to acknowledge the conclusion that's flashing brightly in his mind. 

His professor is LeoMH.

His professor has been the person he's been fantasizing while he jerks himself off for the past year.

Chapter Text

Thankfully, Thursday's his free day, which means Haechan's able to take the chance to fully wallow in mortification. 

He tries to take his mind off it, distracting himself by playing some video games or diving into some homework. But every move he does, pulls him back to Mark..or LeoMH.

An attempt in doing his dance theory homework? Mark's voice whispering next to him how to improve his word choice.

Trying to drown out the brain worms by playing a loud video game? LeoMH's spoken about learning how to play it a while ago.

Going over some choreography? LeoMH's said he's dabbled in dancing when he was younger. 

Trying to catch up in some books he reads in his free time? Mark's recommended him some modern literature books in his syllabus.

Haechan flops on couch in his living room, fully giving up on his battle against himself. No matter what, it seems like his mind won't move on from the fact that his crush … is also his other crush.

"What's so wrong about having a crush on me?" The voice makes Haechan turn his head. 

Fuck. The hysteria is making him hallucinate. 

A figure similar to LeoMH's sits on the couch tilts his head mockingly. Funnily enough, Haechan's mind was too afraid to paste Mark's face on it, opting for a blank slate. 

"You were so into me, for a whole year even. What's wrong, baby?" 

"I was into you when I didn't associate you with my literature professor," Haechan argues. "And before you said you liked someone."

"Aw, at my work place? Why?" 

"Because it..felt wrong." Haechan shuts his eyes, refusing to look at the figment of his imagination directly. "Felt wrong liking you when I knew you liked someone else, it wouldn't be right."

He hears LeoMH chuckle. "Oh, darling. I think you and I both know you were upset because you just wanted me to yourself."

Haechan blushes and he wishes he can throw something at him. "Not true! I- That sounds crazy, you're literally on OnlyFans with countless people who know about you and will probably sell a hand to fuck you. I just think you're hot. It's insanity to think you'd ever be with me. And I'm not.. that."

"Even so, you felt free and comfortable enough to touch yourself to me." LeoMH points out. "But ever since that live stream, nothing…I've missed you, sunshine.hc."

Haechan's mind is truly torturing him. It's true he hasn't been feverously devouring LeoMH's content lately, but it's only because of school starting up and he needs all the time he has to fully devote himself. Right?

"Don't kid yourself." Haechan bites out. "I've only been busy with school."

"Ah and who do I have to thank for that?" LeoMH snaps his fingers. "A certain professor's got you wrapped around his finger, huh?"

"I'm- it's nothing! He's only helping me because it's a hard class, okay?" 

"Hm." LeoMH sounds unimpressed. "And who are you trying to fool saying that? Because you know fully well that you enjoy every bit of his attention and jump at the chance to be with him."

"I don't-"

"You don't enjoy my attention?" Mark's low voice comes in from the right and Haechan holds himself back from shivering. "I'm hurt, Haechan."

"No- I do! I just- ugh, why are you doing this?!" Haechan cries out pathetically, his eyes still stubbornly closed.

"Doing what?" Mark asks, amused. 

"This! Being annoyingly delusional, go away, literal figments of my imagination." 

"I say this is your mind trying to make you face the situation that's right in front of you." Mark explains in a soothing voice, almost as if he's trying to calm a toddler down.

Haechan makes a face, protesting everything fake-Mark's telling him right now. "..no way.."

"As much as you want to hide and bury it deep inside, it's going to come out eventually," Mark points out. 

"I think the only reason why you're having such a hard time taking all of this is in is because that means you're going to have to confront your crush on someone you thought was unattainable." LeoMH chimes in, sounding infuriatingly condescending. "Or people, I remember you."

Mark snorts at the unintentional dig. "Yeah. And you're also forgetting something incredibly important, Haechan ah."

"What?"

"You're hallucinating because of the possibility of us being the same people. What are you gonna do if we're actually the same person?" Mark whispers into his ear.

Haechan opens his eyes to see that he's now alone in his living room and he lets out a loud exhale, not believing what just happened. He bites his lips, knowing that it's better to be absolutely sure than waste his time so distressed about his uncertainty.

With a shaky heart, he searches up LeoMH's profile and goes through the videos and the rare photos in his community posts, remembering what it felt like to discover him.

Haechan scrolls on Twitter, his eyes flying at the speed of his fingers, boredly looking for something to entertain himself. He finishes sending a funny tweet to Renjun before he continues looking for something else.

His fingers slow down when he registers what he's seeing;

mh (@LeoMH): "hi everyone, doing my semi-annual promo tweet for OF; 

there's a sale happening right now for around $12 per month :)

Haechan's lips part and he sees a couple of pictures in the tweet and presses the first one he sees. 

A bulge covered by gray sweatpants appears on screen and there's a hand resting on it, the person's thumb hooked underneath the waistband as if the owner was teasing pulling the pants down. He also doesn't miss the veins in his forearm clearly visible, Haechan swallows roughly and swipes slowly.

A screenshot from what looks like Snapchat shows up and it's a man wearing a Spiderman costume, complete with the mask covering his face. He's taking a picture of himself in front of a mirror while sitting down, his red and black clad legs spread out wide. Haechan makes it not a point to think about why his brain wants to focus on the man's fingers looked holding his phone. The caption says; since this won the halloween poll, here's spiderman for yall'.

Another selfie but it was taken at an angle from behind, the man's body shown entirely on display except for his face strategically being covered by the angle and his arm. He's laying down on his bed this time, only wearing pajama pants that are barely pulled over his V-line. His other arm is pulled back behind his head, showing his toned arms. Haechan's eyes slowly trail down to his chest, and even though he isn't crazy ripped- he can see there's muscle definition all over the man's body.  Even if his face isn't shown, his long, wavy hair is and it does nothing to stop the horny alarms in Haechan's head. He was also wearing a couple of silver chains, one of them long enough for him to bite with his teeth, his lips quirking up in a smirk.

The last media was a video, but the screen was entirely black. He couldn't hear anything yet, making the video just looking like a picture if it weren't for the progress bar and volume icons. He has to increase his volume a bit more but his ears start to heat up once he finally hears it. Groans and grunts, filled with pleasure, rush into Haechan's headphones and the mortification was almost enough for him to throw his phone into the corner of his room.

Almost. 

Haechan continues staring into the black screen while the man in the video audibly continues pleasuring himself. This shouldn't be so attractive to him…has he gone crazy? This isn't his kind of thing.

Yet, judging by the definite hard on in his pants- it's something that he does find attractive.

The noises coming through weren't the man's real voice, layered with some pitching- possibly for security purposes. But the tingles and shocks running to Haechan's dick don't seem to care about that. 

The video only plays for 50 more seconds but it doesn't stop him from lowering his hand and undoing his belt. He unceremoniously pushes down his jeans and underwear, wrapping his hand around his cock. When he brings up his phone closer to his ear, he hears wet sounds and how the man is clearly enjoying himself, his voice getting louder and louder.

"Nn, yeah…" burns in Haechan's ears and he feels brave enough to spit in his hand and slowly starts rubbing his member back and forth. Closing his eyes, he imagines the voice's owner close to him, his thick fingers trailing over his skin and lightly teasing him. He sees foreign arms envelope him and hears a deep voice calling for him to let go. After a few moments, Haechan feels his climax coming and with an embarrassingly high sound, he finds drops of himself in his hand.

Haechan closes his eyes briefly and pauses. 

Without even thinking about it, he clicks bookmark on the promo tweet and immediately finds the man's OF subscription box to enter his credit card payment information.

Haechan frowns, really thinking about his options now. The reality of his predicament is settling in, where his fixation on LeoMH is making it significantly harder to let go now. He feels dirty, as if he's been perving on the professor for the past year and violating his boundaries. He still has to remind himself he's only known Mark for about a month only. He knows it'll make it more complicated, where his past crush on the streamer will definitely manifest in his interactions with the professor. 

In his right mind, he knows the best choice is to forget about them both- to delete his subscription to the man's service and to keep his head down in his Korean Literature class as best as he could. It should be so simple and easy, it really is technically.

But fuck , he whines as he hangs his head. Why did a part of him deep inside feel so happy that both his objects of affection are possibly the same person?

-

LeoMH makes a slight moan as he finishes, breathing hard and heavy. He licks his lips and raises his hand, showing how it's covered with his cum. 

"Fuck," he breathes out heavily, waving his fingers so some of it is beginning to drip off. Haechan's eyes zeroes in on how big the streamer's hand looks, the pale yellow liquid dripping off his thick fingers and out of frame.

The chat explodes in money donations and exclamations of his performance. The streamer leans to the side to grab a napkin to wipe the body fluids off his hand. He reaches up towards his face and laughs mildly, his voice brighter than the character he was putting on earlier.

"Shit, I forgot about these." 

Wears glasses.

"Do I recommend any books or movies right now?" This time, only his voice is displayed, the black screen barely lighting Haechan's face up. "I enjoy books more than movies."

"Don't know if you guys will have the same tastes as me but I would recommend 'The Square' by Choi In Hun. You'll have to know what you like to enjoy it and it is controversial but it is a book that makes you think and I will always like that in a piece. I also like reading short stories like anthologies when I don't have the energy to commit to a full novel, something like Waxen Wings: The ACTA Korean Anthology of Short Fiction from Korea."

A quiet hum and the streamer chuckles. "To the viewer who just said I have the book recommendations of an old man, thank you."

Haechan stifles a laugh too.

Reads books like an old man.

"The name of my watch brand?" LeoMH lifts his right hand up to take a closer look at the accessory adorning his wrist. "I'm actually not sure what it is since I got this a while ago from my family, as a congratulations present for graduating with my master's."

"Haechan?" 

He hears Mark call out his name with a tinge of concern in his voice and he looks back up at his worried eyes.

"Are you okay? I've been calling out your name for the past couple of minutes." Mark frowns, waving his hand in front of Haechan's face. 

"Sorry," Haechan stutters, his fingers reflexively tightening around the papers that he's been holding for the last couple of minutes. 

Mark sends him a worried but comforting look. "Are you feeling under the weather again?" 

"No! I'm okay, I'm okay- I promise!" Haechan instinctively backs away on the chair that Mark had placed for Haechan near his office desk so they can face the same way. He sees Mark's eyes narrow behind his glasses and he looks away, unsure of what to do. "I, um, I'm just having trouble with understanding this piece's theme…"

Mark's voice is still low when he reaches over even more, almost as if he was pointedly denying Haechan's silent request for space. "What do you think it is so far?"

Haechan clears his throat. "The piece, it's about a man who is longing for the affections of his lover who's left him but she treated him so terribly and has committed adultery using her job as an excuse. I don't understand what the author is trying to convey with the man's emotions. Is he that so affected by his lust?"

The professor nods in understanding, pointing at the story in Haechan's hands with his finger. "It does sound unreasonable from our perspectives but remember that the author isn't shy from exploring the absurdity of how the human mind can justify. His time in the West has also contributed to his writing and look on love and lust."

"So the theme is about how his experiences has shaped him into someone who prioritizes his relationship built on carnal ties and doesn't care about his self-dignity?" Haechan hesitantly summarizes. His heart skips a beat when Mark bursts out laughing, clapping lightly as he bends over- closer to him. 

"In his mind, the author's holding onto his self-dignity by preserving said relationship," Mark argues, an easy-going smile on his face as if Haechan's words didn't phase him."If this is so important to him, who are we to judge a man for it?"

Haechan lets out a hmph but concedes, reaching over the stack of paper to continue updating his draft essay. He paraphrases what Mark said, making a mental note to look up more information regarding the author's time in the West being a big factor in how he writes about the main character. 

He slows down his typing, becoming hyperaware of the distance between them getting smaller and smaller since office hours started. 

It's been a week since the horrifying discovery of Mark possibly being LeoMH.

Haechan also realized that he's a horrible person because despite said horror, he still finds himself somewhat even more attracted to the man.

Which is why Haechan's taking it upon himself to avoid any possibility for his crush to develop even harder. He's been making it a point to not talk to him as much as he can, leaving class as soon as it ends and barely participating.

It wasn't his fault Mark happily welcomed him when he arrived to office hours with a few thorny questions regarding a ridiculously annoying contemporary work.

"Ah…um, thank you for your help..I shoud get going now," Haechan lowly begins, getting up at a snail's pace. He braces himself to be stopped at any second but he doesn't hear a peep from the professor. Instead, he senses that Mark's gaze stayed glued on him and his movements and he feels so bare from the intensity in it.

He reaches the door and then, Mark speaks up. "Haechan-ah?"

Ah, shit. That wasn't fair. He can't be using that tone whenever he's addressing him. Not in that kind of tone and intonation. Haechan sucks in a breath but turns around with a nervous smile that hopefully Mark doesn't notice.

"Yes?"

"I'm just a bit curious since I'm pretty new to this campus so just humor me a little. You said you were a dance major right?"

Haechan's throat dries but he continues, wary from where this conversation can turn. He simply nods.

Mark tilts his head. "Is it a big department?"

Haechan grips the strap of his bag to readjust and offers a small smile. "It is but I learned to love it. There's a lot of unique talent and I learn a lot from everyone in it, it's really rewarding in the end. Especially when we all get together to perform?"

Mark leans forward at his desk and the glare in his glasses gets bigger. He opens his mouth, almost like a cute pout.  "Perform together?"

The tension in Haechan's filters out and he hums affirmatively. "Yeah! Well, we have a lot of students and we all perform at different times of the year to gain experience, dance for our friends and family, and even invite professionals in the industry to come watch." He's had to advertise them dozens of times already, having up to 6 performances in a semester because they had so much talent and students were fighting over slots to perform.

"Sounds nervewracking." Mark laments. 

"Not really, my friends come whenever they can so it helps having their support." Haechan shrugs. "I've been doing it for a while so I'm okay."

"How many have you been to?" 

"Like I was in around 3, 4? We also get to attend any ones we aren't actually in- to support them." Haechan reflexively covers his mouth. "Ah- I'm sorry, I'm rambling."

Mark gives a smile, bringing his arms up on to the table. He shrugs, "I'd say don't apologize but other than today, I don't think I've heard you talk all week in class."

His cheeks blush at being caught for his lack of participation. It's not like he'll ever explain the reasoning out loud to the professor but it's still embarrassing because he can't even come up with a half assed excuse. "Sorry."

Mark tsks, now pushing himself off the table so that he's standing. He slides a hand into his pocket. "It's..not your fault. Are you alright? Is there something happening with you?"

Haechan meekly nods. "I'm okay."

The professor stares at him and shakes his head. "I'm not mad or anything, Haechan. I was just a little confused when you weren't…acting like yourself. Normally, I wouldn't care but…" He pauses and looks away.

Haechan feels the equivalent of a waterfall slam into him and he chokes so hard, a hiccup escapes him. He loses his grip on his phone and it drops on the floor- shattering the atmosphere that's been dulling his senses for a while.

"I'm sorry, um, I have to go!" He cuts off Mark who looks like he wants to say something and rushes to give a bow. "Thank you for your help, professor!"

And with that, he slams the door to Mark's office shut.