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When Niall announced that he was getting married, Harry knew that he had to swallow his pride and go back to England. His mum begged him for the past six years, after all, but while he managed to fly her and Gemma out to New York to see him, he couldn’t exactly do the same with his best friend’ wedding; but it was only when Niall forwarded him the email with his flight details that it hit him that the inevitable couldn’t be delayed anymore and before he knows it Niall is picking him up from the airport and driving over to Holmes Chapel.

“He lives three streets down from your mum,” Niall says, as soon as the car stops in front of his mother’s house, “and yes, he is coming to the wedding,” he explains, “but he is so different from the boy you knew and I don’t want you to be upset. You’re my best friend, but so is he.”

“I know, but I haven’t seen him or talked to him at all and I don’t want it to be awkward.”

“It will be awkward, mate.”

Harry runs a hand over his tired face, and nods, “I’ll text you, mum is probably going to be a mess and Gemma is going to roast me to death.”

Niall laughs, “I’ll speak to Louis. Don’t be scared of leaving the house until the wedding, please? The guys want to see you, and Ames says that she wants you over for dinner tomorrow to catch up.”

“I’ll be fine, Nì.”

He will be fine, he knows he will. It’s just that the love of his life, his biggest regret and the only person he ever loved in his life and that he left without saying a word lives three streets down from the house he grew up in. No big deal, clearly.

He says bye to Niall and gets out of the car, grabbing his bags from the booth, and when he enters his house, the smell of cookies and tea hits him like he has never left, and his mum hugs him for so long that he can hardly breathe and he feels at home for the first time in years. He loves New York, and he loves his job, but it’s not home: he works, and goes to the gym, and repeats. No social life, no love life, and his therapist keeps telling him that he is punishing himself but he can’t bring himself to care.

They catch up for a long time, until Gemma comes through the door with his nephew and then it’s cuddles and the most delicious dinner he has had in ages and before he knows it he is asleep in his childhood bed, well knowing that the last time he slept in the very same bed, Louis was cuddled against his naked chest and they fell asleep listening to the other breathing.

—

If he thought that coming back was going to be the hard part, the reality check he receives the day after was a promise that the worst was yet to come.

“I am just trying to find a decent bottle of wine, I am in the Tesco down the road from yours, so I shouldn’t be long,” he says down the phone to Niall, walking around the alcohol aisle, “I’ll text you when I am done, I should be 20 minutes.”

“You know what? Buy two, we are not working tomorrow.”

“Will do,” Harry says, “see you soon!”

He grabs two different bottles of wine that he has been studying for the past twenty minutes and he makes his way to the tills, but then…

“I feel like chicken nuggets, tonight, papa” he hears a little girl say, and the laugh of the person she’s with knocks the air out of his lungs, and the confirmation that she is actually with Louis comes a second after, “well, miss Joanne, I feel like you should eat some sort of vegetable today, because we had chicken nuggets last night."

“But we can eat potatoes! Potatoes are vegetables.”

“Yes, they are but…” Louis looks up, almost as he can feel someone’s eyes on them, and when his blue eyes meet Harry’s green ones, he stops talking and walking at the same time, looking down to the brunette little girl he is with, “I’ll tell you what, why don’t you go get whatever you want for dinner and I will wait here?”

“Really?”

“Really,” he says, and the little girl runs past Harry, smiling at him with dimples popping out when she does. Harry looks back at her, and then Louis and before he knows it the shorter boy is in front of him, “welcome back,” he says, “long time no see. How are you?”

“You’re a dad?” Harry blurts out, and Louis nods, smiling, “have been for the past six years, not that you care,” he says, “you look like you’ve seen a ghost, when you are the ghost around here,” Louis jokes, but Harry is not having it, “six years?” he asks, and Louis nods, “well, that’s what you miss when you fuck off on the other side of the Atlantic,” he snarls, “I take it you’re only here for the wedding?”

“I am, yes. How are you, Louis?”

He looks the same, just grown up. He’s not the 18 years old he left behind, he has a beard and his hair is longer, but his eyes are just the same. Louis goes to answer, but then the little girl comes back and interrupts them.

“I was so, so quick papa,” she says, “I got chicken nuggets and cauliflower cheese,” she seems very proud of herself when she puts the stuff in their trolley, but then she notices Harry and smiles, “hello, you’re very tall.”

“Joanne, this is Harry. He used to come to school with me.”

Harry feels lowkey offended, because both of them know that he was so, so much more. First kiss, first time, first love, first everything. Harry was the first person Louis told about his dad, Louis was the first person to ever actually care about what Harry had to say. They were attached to the hip from the moment they met to the moment Harry decided to go look for something else, somewhere else. And it looks like Louis hasn't forgiven him for it.

“Hello, my name is Joanne Tomlinson. I am six,” she says, and when Harry properly looks at her, he understands it all too quickly.

She is six, has curly hair and dimples, and her lips are very different from Louis'. He can still see the man in her, the eyes are just the same shade of blue, and the skin tone is exactly the same as Louis. But he somehow can also see himself in her: the nose, the hair, the dimples. He's not even sure if he is supposed to say something or not.

He looks up at Louis, trying to find something to say, but Louis is faster, “well, it was a pleasure seeing you again but our chicken nuggets are calling us. We’ll see you at the wedding?”

“Uhm, yes. Sure. It was lovely to see you, and to meet you, Joanne.”

She waves and they start walking, not sparing another glance to Harry who stands there for a good five minutes before his legs start walking again.

—

“So… How’s New York?” Amelia asks, pouring him a glass of wine. Harry shrugs, “same old, same old,” he says, “we have a new client and they are very… Extravagant, let’s say, so there’s a lot to do. But it’s nice, it keeps me busy.”

Niall smiles, “and are we expecting a plus one, on Saturday?”

Harry rolls his eyes, “you know I am done with relationships, guys,” he says, taking a sip of his wine, “I had one and that went crash down so massively that I never recovered,” he half-jokes, and Amelia pats his back, “about that… Are you ready to see him?”

Harry decides that is a great time to ask.

“I saw him in Tesco tonight,” he says, “he has a, uhm. He has a daughter.”

Niall and Amelia share a look, and she nods, “that he does. My little angel baby girl.”

“She looks awfully like me, doesn’t she?” he says, voice trembling, “I mean.. Curly hair, dimples. She is six, she said,” he continues, “I met her, yes. She was with him.”

“Harry…”

Harry nods, “is she…” he doesn’t exactly know how to word it, “is she… Was he…”

Amelia downs the glass of wine in front of her and before Niall can stop her, she starts talking, “don’t be upset.”

“That I have a daughter I didn’t even know existed up until three hours ago? Fat chance,” he says, bitter, and then turns to Niall, “I am not mad because I know Louis, but Jesus, Niall. I have a whole child that everyone, including my family, knew about and nobody cared enough to tell me?”

Niall sighs, and nods, “we can only explain our side of the story, H, and all I can say is that we begged him for months to call you,” he explains, “we said to him that you’d want to know, but then you came over the first Christmas after you moved and told him you didn’t want to see him because it would change your mind, and he was already 7 months pregnant at the time and we just decided to let Louis be Louis.”

“But if you had told me…”

Amelia shakes her head, “it wasn’t our place,” she says, putting her head on Harry’s shoulder, “we supported him, and supported you, but this was beyond us.”

Harry nods and sips more from his glass, not sure what to say, and they stay in comfortable silence for a while, TV as a background noise, until he decides to speak again.

“She is gorgeous,” he says, “and she seems so funny. She was begging him to buy her…”

“Chicken nuggets,” Amelia and Niall say at the same time, making Harry laugh, “yeah. And Louis gave up so easily.”

Niall smiles, “that’s Louis and Jo, for you,” he says, “he tries to be strict but then she hugs him and he just gives her everything she wants.”

Harry smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. He wonders how much of their lives he missed: the whole pregnancy, making him wonder what disgusting food combination Louis must have craved, her birth, her first steps, the first tooth that came out, her first day of school. He finds himself missing things that he didn’t even know he wanted, but he decides to change the topic because if he wants to know about her, Louis is the only person he should talk to.

—

Four days, seven hours and a handful of minutes pass in the blink of an eye and Harry finds himself standing next to Niall in their local church, with his new suit on and without really understanding how he got there. He can't explain how it's possible that he still hasn't crossed paths with Louis again, even if just by accident, but maybe that's why the ceremony slips by quietly, against all odds. He tries to look for him in the audience, certain that he is sitting somewhere in that church with Joanne, and this makes him feel unsettled but he tries to push every thought back, because it’s only fair that he concentrates on his best friend’s wedding. The ceremony proceeds smoothly, and there is not a dry pair of eyes in the whole church by the time they kiss.

Amelia looks stunning in her wedding gown, probably the most beautiful bride he has ever seen and it is no wonder that Niall cannot take his eyes off her since they officially became husband and wife a few hours earlier. The tight corset is studded with small gems and precious stones, while from the waist down a wonderful silk skirt fades into a not too long train. She has left her hair loose in a cascade of waves that almost entirely covers her shoulders, only a small tiara illuminating her face, and while the DJ plays a song that Harry hasn’t heard in years, she walks to him with a glass that most likely contains hard liquor and passes to him. “Right,” she says, “as a married woman I just gained a lot of wisdom, and I have to tell you that in a song time the DJ is going to play your absolute favourite song, and that Louis is sitting at the far back with Jo,” she says, “but I also promised Jo that she could try on my veil, so it would be very unfortunate if Louis were sitting by himself.”

“Ames..”

“What?” she says, “I can’t fix the past but I can fix the future.”

Harry snorts, but for some reason his legs take him towards Louis’ table, and before he knows it he is in front of him and he looks amazing.

“Hey,” Harry says, “Do you, uhm, would you like to dance? I think we should talk and that is the only neutral place I can think of.”

Louis nods, and gets up, and by the time they are on the dance floor, the first notes of “Make You Feel My Love” by Adele start ringing in the room and they both think that it’s a bit of a joke.

“So…” Harry starts swinging, hands on Louis’ hips, “Joanne seems very, uhm, lovely.”

“She is,” Louis says, building up the courage to put his arms around Harry’s shoulders, “she is lovely and has too much energy,” he confirms, making Harry smile, “she also awfully looks like me.”

“I…” Louis says, “Niall told me they told you, there is not need to tiptoe around it,” he says, “if you want a whole sob story about how I found out that I was pregnant when you left, that would be a load of bullshit,” he admits, “I wanted to tell you after our last day of school, but you fucked off to New York and I didn’t have the chance.”

“But you had the chance to tell everyone else?”

“It takes a village to raise a child,” Louis jokes, but Harry doesn’t smile, “you kept her from me for six years.”

“No, I didn’t,” Louis whispers, “I protected her and protected myself,” he says, “that’s because I am her father and if you think you can come back and take her away from me…”

“What? No, no, Louis,” Harry says frantically, “I don’t want… I just want to meet her properly,” he tries, “even if… Even if I don’t get to be in her life.”

Louis looks taken aback for a second, but the song finishes and before he can say anything, Joanne comes running towards them.

“Papa look!” she says, excited, “auntie made me try her crown and I look like a princess!”

Louis smiles at her and takes her hand to make her twirl, “that you do, baby girl,” he says, “in fact, my friend Harry was just telling me that he wants to come to dinner at ours tomorrow, so you can show him our castle. What do you think?”

Joanne looks up at Harry and smiles at him, nodding, “do you like cats?” she says, “we have one, he’s black and he doesn’t have an eye. His name is Baloo.”

Harry looks at Louis, who puts his hands on his daughter’ shoulders, “he is a bit of a character, and he got in a fight with other cats,” he tries to explain, “8, tomorrow? I’ll have Niall send you our address.”

“I’ll be there.”

—

The best thing about leaving New York for a month, if you ask Harry, is waking up and seeing it’s 11:30 in the morning and that he doesn’t have any responsibilities for the day. He lays down in bed for about 15 minutes, thinking about Louis and Joanne and everything that went down in the past week since he came back, and it still feels surreal.

He gets up, has a shower and then he decides to look for the only other person that could have answers for him: his mum. He finds her in the garden, sipping on a glass of orange juice, and she smiles at him.

“Morning, baby,” she says, “slept well?” he asks, and when he nods, she pats on the chair next to him to make him sit down, “lovely wedding, wasn’t it?”

“Amelia was gorgeous,” he says, unsure, “I, uhm… I saw you dance with Louis.”

“Very likely,” she confirms, “I love you, Harry, you know that, yeah?” she asks, and Harry nods, so she continues, “I love you, but I love Louis as well,” and it stings Harry more than he’d like to admit, “and I love my granddaughter.”

Harry takes a deep breath before he asks his mum why she didn’t say anything, why she decided to keep it a secret.

“You have every right to be mad at me, but you worked so, so hard to move away and Louis loved you so much he decided to let you go.”

“But it wasn’t up to any of you,” he fires back, “a week ago I was on the other side of the Atlantic, sick to my stomach because I didn’t want to face him, and when I was finally coming to terms that I was going to see him… Joanne shows up.”

Anne nods, “and like I said, you can be mad at me… But never at Louis.”

“Why? If there is one person that I should be mad at, it should be him.”

His mum shakes his head, “you want my side of the story?” she asks, “I had an 18 year old coming through that door looking for you, and I had to explain to him that Gemma was driving you to London to get on a flight that would’ve taken you away from him, and all he said to me was that there was something you needed to know and then he just blurted out that he was expecting Jo,” she says, “so I was going to call you, and tell you to drive back. A flight can be moved, and that couldn’t have waited.”

Harry knows that packing up most his life in Holmes Chapel and leaving without a word was wrong. He couldn't stand the idea of looking at Louis, telling him he was leaving him behind to chase a life where there was no space for him. He was so, so wrong. He realised that when Gemma parked at the airport many years ago, when he boarded the plane, when he walked around New York the first time. Every single little thing he ever did while away from home, from Louis, reminded that the decision he took was the wrong one, but this. This is so much worse. 

“But you didn’t.”

“I didn’t, you’re right. Louis has been through so much with his dad, darling, and he said that if he wasn’t enough for you to stay, he wouldn’t have wanted to change your mind just because he was pregnant.”

“But… You knew why I decided not to say goodbye.”

She sips on her orange juice, “but I also saw Louis grow up, and Jay was like a sister to me.”

“Was?”

Anne turns around, “she… She passed away a few years ago.”

Harry's breath stops in his throat, and for a second he doesn’t even know what to say. Louis was the person he had loved most in the world, and he had missed so much of his life, that now that he is finding everything out he understands a little bit too well why Louis called him a ghost when they met in the shop.

“We are fine, Harry,” Anne explains, “we all had time to prepare.”

“Was she sick?”

“For a long time,” his mum answers, “but she got to meet Jo and she was so, so proud of you… She was bragging about your big life in New York to everyone that cared to listen.”

“I am so, so sorry,” Harry sobs, all of a sudden, “mum, if you had told me I would’ve come back. I would’ve been here. I could’ve said goodbye.”

Anne smiles, “oh, baby,” she tries to comfort him, “she was the same person you left: taking care of everyone, making sure everything was in place. She knew you loved her… But Louis was a wreck afterwards.”

Harry looks at his mum for a second, and he cannot even begin to think about how he would feel if he lost her, and he can’t imagine what Louis must’ve gone through, especially with how close he was to his mum. There is so much that he wants to explain and say to him, but his mum starts talking again.

“But he is a strong boy, and he wanted to make sure that Jo was happy, so he kept his head high and kept going for her.”

“Is he… Has he, uhm-”

“No, Harry, he doesn’t have anyone else. Never,” she confirms, smiling, “have you met that girl? She doesn’t let us breathe, we are exhausted by the time she is done with us!” she jokes, making Harry laugh, but then he wonders, “you are in her life, I take it?”

“I am, and so is Gemma. Your dad knows about her but has only met her once or twice,” she says, “I don’t want to tell you the specifics, that is up to Louis, but she calls me grandma and Gem is auntie.”

“Okay,” Harry says, unsure of what to say, but then Anne’s phone rings and she answers, starting a conversation with one of her friends, and Harry just sits there, looking around their garden, trying to soak in all of the information he just had.

He feels like he is a stranger to all of the people that he grew up with: everyone kept a lot of big things from him. To protect him? To not make him come back? To protect Louis? He is unsure, but nothing changes the fact that he came home after so long and he feels like he is not part of their lives anymore, and as much as he wants to keep an open mind, he knows that he can make a final decision if he speaks to Louis.

So he waits patiently: when Anne hangs up the phone he says bye to her and borrows her car to go shopping; he buys an entirely new outfit (he doesn’t even care that Louis and Joanne are the only ones that are going to see it), some flowers (daffodils, because he knows that they are still, probably, Louis’ favourites and a small bouquet of tulips for Joanne), and a toy for… His daughter. He then goes back home, has another shower that he hopes will calm his nerves (spoiler: it doesn’t), and by the time 7:40 rolls, he starts walking towards their house, after Niall gave him the address.

It is crazy to think that Louis lives down the road from their favourite places, where they spent too much time during their school years: the bakery where Harry used to work, the Costa they had their proper first date at, their secondary school. It’s like time never passed since Harry moved away, when in reality everything has changed and nothing stayed the same.

He looks around and he can’t help to notice that from outside, the house is very well kept: it has a wooden door that is surrounded by red brick, and the small garden next to it has a small bonsai tree planted in the middle. The house is white, and from outside Harry can see white windows through which white curtains could be seen.

He decides not to think too much about anything, and he knocks on the door with shaking hands, and when Louis answers, he actually smiles at him, probably because the comfort of his own house makes him feel much more at ease than Harry could ever be.

“Hey,” Louis says, “listen, I know that I said Jo was going to have dinner with us, but she was exhausted because she went swimming with her friends this afternoon and she fell asleep,” he explains, “I cooked and you can still have dinner here, if you want, but I understand if you want to come back another time.”

Harry shakes his head, “I’m here and you cooked, I don’t see why not,” he smiles back, and Louis moves from the door letting Harry in. Harry looks around for a minute and he can’t help but smile again: the house is a home. For some reason, it reminds him of Louis’ childhood home in the best way. When he enters the living room, he cannot help but notice that there are a lot of drawings hanging on the walls, and the big beige sofa in the middle of the room has a small cat sitting on one of the arms. On the sofa, Harry notices some red cushions and a blanket with the solar system on it, and behind it is a table already set for two.

“I made pasta, nothing too fancy,” Louis says, “I hoped fatherhood would turn me into Gordon Ramsey but man, it really didn’t,” he jokes, making Harry laugh, “I hope you don’t mind if I keep the camera on the table? She is upstairs in her room but she moves around so much when she sleeps and she wakes herself up.”

“It’s your home, Louis, you don’t have to ask for permission,” Harry smiles, thinking that although he never spent any time with Joanne, she is so similar to him in some way.

Louis gestures to Harry to sit down, and disappears behind the dark brown door that’s on the opposite side of the table, coming back a few seconds after with two plates in hand, “there’s cheese on the table. Please, don’t be a Niall and don’t eat it if you don’t like it. I actually gave him food poisoning, once.”

Harry laughs but digs in, and for a few minutes they eat in silence, until Louis decides he had enough and speaks first.

“So, how’s New York?” he asks, “I mean, on Instagram it looks amazing, but surely there must be more.”

Harry nods, “I mean, I like it” he says, “I don’t see myself living there forever, but I have a good job and get along with my colleagues. And I like my flat, so it could be worse” he explains, “but yeah, it’s very busy all the time and there are a lot of weird people on the tube.”

“Tube, flat… Can take the brit out of Britain, but not Britain out of the brit” Louis jokes, and Harry laughs, “well, I am very British. Tea over coffee, still love a bit of beans on toast… I also found a pub that does Sunday roast, thank you very much” he says, making the boy in front of him smile, but then Harry asks, “how are you, Lou?”

“I am okay,” Louis says, “tired, all the time. She has so much energy, I actually feel bad for my mum because she always used to say that I never stopped when I was her age,” he says, “but I am okay” he repeats and at that, Harry decides to address the first elephant in the room of the evening, “my mum told me about Jay,” he can feel Louis’ blue eyes on him, “I am very sorry, Louis, more than words can say.”

“I appreciated it, Harry,” Louis says, sincere, “and I guess you have a lot of questions? I mean, you didn’t come over to eat my fantastic chicken pasta.”

“It's actually really good,” Harry confirms, going for another mouthful, and when he is done he does in fact confirm that he has a lot of questions.

“How… How did you find out?”

“I was sick for a few days in a row, and mum insisted I went to the doctor,” he explains, “like, I was perfectly fine after being sick and they couldn’t explain it so our family doctor did a blood test and the rest is history.”

“And, uhm, did everything go well with the pregnancy and everything else?”

“Pretty smooth. Best 9 months of my life, all of my cravings were fruit so it was pretty easy,” he said, “she was born on the 7 of December at 2 in the morning,” he plays with his fork on his plate, “c-section, everything went pretty smoothly I must say.”

“I am glad,” Harry is not really sure what to ask next, but Louis can feel the anxiety radiating from his body so he speaks.

“I called her Joanne because I wanted her to have both of our mums' names. She is allergic to strawberries, and the day we found out was pretty much the scariest day of my life. We went to the beach, she ate one and she came up with a terrible rash” he says, “she wanted to be vegetarian by the time she was four, but then Niall took her to McDonald’s and she found out about chicken nuggets. They are her favourite food, she would eat them every day for every meal if I gave her the chance,” Harry smiles, and Louis keeps talking, “she was a very good baby. She always slept in her own bed in her own room, and she was very good with people. She started walking when she was 11 months, I have about 30 years of footage of that day,” he jokes, making Harry laugh, “she went to nursery when she was 13 months, because I had to work and she used to cry when I went to pick her up because she loved it. Not so much with school right now, she hates wearing her uniform and it takes me ages to convince her in the morning,” he explains, “she loves football, but sadly she decided her team is West Ham. Do not ask me why, it’s beyond me.”

“Don’t sound so heartbroken, you can still fix her.”

“Your brother in law doesn’t help: him and Gemma take her down to London to watch games all the time,” Louis says, sounding much more amused than he should, “she has two best friends, they are pretty inseparable: Arthur and Mia. They met when they were in nursery and are in the same class now.”

“That’s cute.”

“It is, except for when I have to clean up after they’ve been over” Louis says, “it has been hard to do it by myself, but Niall and Amelia help all the time,” he explains, “and so do your mum and Gem.”

“Louis, if I had known…”

“I feel like I should apologise, but I don’t think I can,” Louis says, honest and Harry looks at him, “she is healthy, and loved, and she does know that she has another dad somewhere but I gave her everything she ever needed.”

“I don’t want to intrude in your life,” Harry says, “I just want to know why.”

“Because you left me, Harry, that’s why.”

“But it was still my right to know,” Harry fires back, suddenly upset, “she is six, and I was on the other side of the world this whole time when I could have been here,” he says, “I left, yes. But do you seriously think I wouldn’t have come back, had I known?”

“I didn't want you to come back for her. You should’ve stayed because you loved me, not because I was carrying your child,” Louis shoots back, “I don’t remember you telling me about you applying for a college in the US, I don’t remember you telling me you were going to leave… Fuck it, I don’t remember you even saying goodbye,” he says, bitter, “you quite literally fucked me and then fucked off.”

“And I would have never made that mistake if you had told me.”

“You not knowing her and me doing all of this by myself was easier than thinking you’d resent me for the rest of your life because I held you back.”

Harry snorts at that, “I can’t believe you,” he says, “I had every right to know she is my daughter.”

“Have you looked at her?” Louis asks, “she is your copy! She looks so much like you, and she has so much of your personality… She is an everyday reminder of what we had so forgive me if I didn’t want you to hate us,” he says, "if you want to call me selfish, that's fine. I just wanted to... To save the parts of you I loved so dearly."

Harry decides to take a break, unsure of what to say: he is not really getting the answers he wanted, and it frustrates him a little bit too much.

“She hates having cold and hot food in the same plate, and she hates getting dirty,” Louis says, “her room is the cleanest part of the house, and she cries every time we watch The Lion King,” he continues, “and she also refuses to get on a skateboard or anything that has wheels that is not a car or a bike… She is so much like you although she doesn’t know you, and I wanted to protect those parts of you that I still had,” he admits, and then looks at Harry, “I am not asking for forgiveness, I am asking you to understand.”

“I want to be in her life,” Harry blurts out, “I don’t care if you tell her that I’m her dad, your long lost cousin, or an alien. I am staying for a whole month and I can work from home after that” he looks down, “but I deserve to know her and be a part of her life. She deserves to know her dad.”

“Excuse me?” Louis gets up, “you don’t get to come into my house and act like you’re not at fault. You’re the one that left, you’re the one that thought he was too good for any of us. Don’t think for a second that I don’t know you never came back because of me” he explodes, but tries to keep his voice low, “you can meet her properly, sure, and can spend time with her, but you don’t get to decide anything. Everything we do is going to be done at her own pace, if I decide it’s the right thing for her,” he says, “she is more important than anything else will ever be in my life.”

“I deserve it.”

Louis snorts, “this was a mistake, I think you should leave” he says, angry, “it’s your favourite thing to do, after all. Should be easy, for you.”

“No, we’re talking,” Harry says, “and if you think for a second I am gonna give up, you have another thing coming.”

“Why can’t you just let it go?”

“Jesus Christ, Louis! Are you even listening to yourself?” Harry says, “this is ridiculous, why can’t you not let me in her life and see where it goes?”

“Because she is a baby, Harry,” Louis says, “and when you get tired of our little town and decide it's time to fuck off again, I am going to be left here to pick up the pieces,” he whispers, tired of the conversation they’re having. Harry shakes his head, “I am not the 18 year old that left you anymore” he gets up, “I have built myself a life that completely changed when I looked at her in that shop last week, whether you like it or not.”

“I’ll think about it,” Louis says, defeated, “give me a few days. She is leaving for a camping trip with school tomorrow, she is staying away for three days… That should be enough time.”

Harry leaves a few minutes after, heart as heavy as the day he left all those years ago.

—

Gemma has been dragging herself around the garden for about an hour trying to help her mum out with her flowers before she collapses on the chair and drags Harry with her, deciding that it’s time they address the terrible mood her brother is in.

“Something crawled up your ass and died there, and let me tell you, I don’t need this energy.”

Harry rolls his eyes, “I had a terrible evening with Louis, last night, and I just wish I never went into that Tesco, last week.”

His sister gathers her hair into a high ponytail and snorts, “no, you don’t,” she says, “you can fool everyone else but you can’t fool me.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You’re pissed off because of everything that came down, surely, and I am pretty sure mum and I are not your favourite people at the moment, but I know for a fact that as much as everything has changed for you, you’re secretly happy.”

Harry looks at her, and when his sister realises he’s not really sure of what to say, she talks again, “I mean… You’re the same Harry that used to play with my dolls pretending they were your children when you were 7, when our cousin had her twins you were practically screeching with joy and now you’re telling me you wish you never knew you had her?”

“But I don’t, do I?” Harry groans, “I missed every single important milestone and I am never gonna get that back.”

“Not with this attitude, that’s true,” she rubs her eyes, “what happened with Lou?”

Harry decides to let go for a minute, and he tells Gemma basically everything that happened the night before. He doesn’t hold back, and when his sister looks at him, expecting something more, he just whispers, “I just wish I was here for him. And he took that away from me, and I don’t know what to do.”

“Harry, you’re still leaving in four weeks, ever thought about that?”

“I could stay, if only he gave me a chance.”

She shakes her head, “I think you’re still thinking about the same Louis you knew all those years ago, but things have changed for him,” she says, “don’t get me wrong, I am not saying you’re wrong and he’s right, but… Having a child changes you. And he’s done it basically all by himself while dealing with his mum's sickness and everything else. Think about that.”

“He had you, guys.”

Gemma nods, “he did, yeah. But do you think that changed anything, for him?” she asks, “he loved you so much, he was a wreck when you left,” she explains, and before Harry can interrupt her she continues, “and I am not saying this to make you feel bad or something, but he really was. He stayed here for like a week before he went back to his mum, and we talked so much about everything, and he even thought about interrupting the pregnancy but when he decided to keep her he told me that he couldn’t do that to you.”

“What?”

“He was just waiting for you to come back,” Gemma admits, “he knew you would, eventually,” she explains, “you just need to give him time. Everything changed for you, but it did for him as well. The idea of not having to do it by himself anymore must be terrifying.”

“I don’t want to intrude in their lives, I just want to spend some time with her. Is it too much to ask, do you think?”

Gemma genuinely laughs, “Harry, if you think you’re gonna be able to board on a plane again after spending time with your daughter, you truly must’ve been adopted because I cannot accept I have a brother as stupid as you.”

“He’d never let me help.”

“He struggles, you know?” she confesses, “like, with bills and stuff. And he never wants help. Mum has them over for dinner at least three times a week and it helps him, but if you think for a second that Louis Tomlinson is not a proud piece of shit just because he can be, you must rethink your relationship.”

“But their house is so well kept and it was so homey,” Harry notes, and Gemma nods, “if it meant that Joanne had the best life possible, he would literally work 24/7.”

“He’s a great dad, isn’t he?”

“The best,” Gemma confirms, “can you please give him time?” she asks, “he was so nervous about you coming back. When we told him you were actually showing up for the wedding, he almost passed out on the sofa. He wants you here, he just doesn’t know how to.”

Harry looks around in the garden, his mum’s cat just roaming around and nods, “he’s still so gorgeous, Gem.”

“He is,” Gemma confirms, “and if you think for a second we don’t know you still got feelings for him, you’re silly.”

Harry looks at her and doesn’t say anything: he knows it’s silly, leaving someone you love so much and never getting over them, but he always felt like Louis was it, for him. Every kiss they shared, every touch, everything made him feel whole, complete, and then he decided to move to New York, leaving that behind and so convinced he could get over it, find someone else because only having a relationship with your school sweetheart always felt a bit silly to him. But then he left, and everything reminded him of Louis: wherever he went to, whatever he did, he was always with him and Harry learnt to live with it. Louis was a part of him, and always was going to be.

“So… How do I help him?”

—

The first delivery comes on the day after Joanne left for her camping trip, and Louis is a bit confused as the delivery driver leaves the bags at his front door, insisting that the post code and the name are right so he can’t get the groceries back.

He texts Gemma, Anne, his sisters and even Niall and Amelia, and they all say that they know nothing about it, so he just convinces himself that he must’ve ordered a full grocery shop while half asleep.

Joanne comes back from her camping trip and doesn’t stop talking about it for at least two hours: she tells him about the lake she went for a swim in, the tent she slept in and the fact that she had a shower with a giant bucket. Louis leaves her to soak in the bathtub for 30 minutes after that, and he decides to approach the Harry topic while he does her hair.

“Jo, can we have a big girl chat?”

“Ready, papa.”

He smiles, and starts braiding her hair, “so… You know how auntie Gemma and grandma know your other dad?”

“Yes?”

“And you know how I told you that your other dad lives far away, and is not always able to come back?”

Louis is not stupid, and when he decided that Anne and Gemma should be in her lives, he wanted to make sure that she knew who they were: so he just said a very, big, white lie, about how her other dad loves her, but he lives very far away and he sent Gemma and Anne to look after her for him.

“Yes, papa. He lives where we have to be on a plane for a lot of hours! I’m big now, I remember.”

Louis smiles and kisses the top of her head and takes a deep breath, “well, your other dad wants to see you. Would you, uhm, would you want to?” he asks, “you don’t have to. You can totally say no and we can go visit Auntie Lottie and she can take you to the zoo or something instead.”

He doesn’t really know what to expect, but he certainly didn’t think that she would literally jump on the bed, “papa please! I want to see him!” she says, “I can show him my room and he can meet Baloo and he can braid my hair like you! Please papa, I will be the bestest girl.”

Louis smiles, and she starts chatting about things he wants to do with her dad: going to the park, showing him how she rides her little scooter, watching Frozen and getting him to make brownies with her. It’s cute, and Louis’ heart makes a leap in his chest, thinking about the three of them doing all of those things together.

Jo falls asleep talking about meeting her dad, and before he can talk himself out of it, he calls Anne's phone and asks her to pass it to Harry.

“Uhm, hi” he says as soon as Harry answers, “it’s Louis.”

All he can hear on the other side of the phone is the noise of a tv that gets quiet suddenly, and Harry’s voice that asks him if he’s okay.

“I am, thanks,” Louis answers, “I just… I thought about the other night, and I realised that she deserves to know you.”

“What?”

Louis secretly hopes his bed would swallow him, but before he can chicken out he speaks again, “Joanne, uhm, obviously she knows she has another dad, and I told her he wants to meet her, and she was so, so happy .”

“Oh.”

“She doesn’t know it’s you, obviously,” he says, “but she is really excited so I was thinking, if you don’t have plans for tomorrow, we could spend the day together?” he asks, “I am not very comfortable with leaving her with you, but I can tag along and it’s going to be like I am not even there.”

“But, uhm, I want you to be there. With us. Like, I know we’re never going to be a proper family, Lou.. Louis,” Harry says, “but we can try and be normal for a day.”

“We can, yes.”

They talk for a minute about nothing, and Louis feels pathetic when he makes a comment about the weather, but then Harry yawns and they just decide a time they could meet the day after. Harry promises he will be there.

“Uhm, Harry?”

“Yeah?”

“Please tell me you know how to bake brownies, still?”

Harry laughs, and Louis really needs to get a grip.

—

As promised, the morning after, Louis wakes up and finds Joanne putting away every single toy that’s in her room and he is surprised to see she even put the duvet properly on the bed. He smiles, and when she hugs him and says good morning he asks if she’s excited, and she nods, dragging him into the kitchen.

“Can I keep my hair down today?” she asks, “and wear my nice top that grandma got me the last time we went to the mall?”

“You can. Crunchy Nuts or Coco Pops?” he asks, holding the two boxes of cereal, and when she points at the Coco Pops he smiles, “did you sleep well, bub?”

“Yes,” she says, sitting at the table with her favourite spoon in hand, “what time is he coming? I am super duper excited.”

“At 10, so you can have your breakfast and we can get ready.”

“Okay, papa,” she says, digging into the bowl after Louis puts it in front of her, “I am going to be soooo good” she sounds so excited, although her mouth is full of cereals.

They eat their breakfast together, and while Joanne tells him about the dream she had the night before, Louis cannot help but be a bundle of nerves. He loves that his daughter is excited, but he doesn’t exactly know what to expect from the day. And he is terrified of Jo becoming attached to Harry just for him to leave again.

When 10 rolls on, their doorbell rings and Joanne is literally shaking with excitement on the sofa. Louis has to drag himself to the door and when he opens it, Harry doesn’t seem any less nervous than him.

“Morning,” he says, “I know I left her a toy the other night, but I got her a teddy? I used to love lions when I was her age, so I thought she’d like it? She doesn’t have to keep it, obviously, but I just didn’t want to come empty handed. I also got your favourite chocolates?” he smiles, “I mean… I don’t know if they’re still your favourite? You might absolutely hate them and…”

“You’re rambling. Are you nervous?”

The man in front of him nods, “I am shitting myself.”

Louis smiles, and he lets Harry in, “don’t be nervous, she is genuinely excited. She can’t wait to meet you,” he reassures him, “and she loves lions. And I still love that chocolate.”

Harry smiles, and he lets Louis drag him into the sitting room where Joanne is staring at the door from the sofa. When she sees Harry, she smiles at him and waves, and his nerves magically disappear.

“Hi, Joanne” he says, “it’s lovely to meet you. Properly."

“Papa, he’s your friend from school!” she looks at both of them and then “are you my daddy?” she asks.

Harry looks at Louis, who nods gently, so he redirects his attention to the little girl and smiles at her, “I am, Joanne, and I am so, so happy to meet you,” he sits down on the sofa next to her, and holds the teddy in his hand, “this is for you, your papa told me you like lions?”

“I love lions” she says excitedly, “auntie Lottie takes me to the zoo every time we go to her house because it’s my favourite place to go with her! We eat our sandwich in front of the lions to see if they come out every time!”

“That sounds amazing,” he says, “maybe one day we can go there together?”

Louis looks at the exchange from the door, and he decides to quietly stay back and enjoy the view of Harry with their daughter. Because she is: she is a part of them, of their love, and that can never be erased. She asks Harry one million questions at the minute: what job does he do, if he has pets, even his favourite colour and she looks so, so happy that Louis’ heart might explode on the spot.

The view is magical, and also bittersweet and Louis cannot help but think of how different his life would be if that day he’d let Anne call Harry and he came back and they raised her together.

“So,” Harry says at some point, “what are our plans for the day?”

“Can we make brownies?” Joanne asks, “papa tries to make them with me but we always burn them because he gets distracted!"

“You can,” Louis says, “I am going to feed Baloo, why don’t you show Harry the kitchen?” he asks, and Joanne takes his hand and before Harry can object they disappear, leaving Louis to look for the cat.

He finds him on his bed, and he sits down next to him and scratches his ears, “what am I gonna do, cat?” he asks, “I can’t even look at them together.”

The cat purrs under his hand, and Louis sighs, “I am hiding with you because I can’t get over anything. I mean, it takes me three days to get over a movie, how can I ever get over him?”

The thing is, Louis really tries: he works, and takes care of Jo, and he spends as much time as possible with their family, but Harry is always at the back of his mind, and Louis hates it. He hates watching a movie or listening to a song and thinking that he would love it or hate it, he hates that he can’t bear the thought of Harry having anyone else, and he hates that after all these years, he still loves him as if not a day had passed.

He goes downstairs, now holding the cat, and he stops at the kitchen door looking at what possibly is the most adorable view he has ever seen. Joanne is sitting on the kitchen’s counter, Harry in front of her holding a bowl, and she is whisking the brownie mix smiling so wide that Louis is afraid her face is going to split in half.

“Having fun?” he asks, and Harry turns around, smiling, “we are. You didn’t tell me Jo was a chef.”

“Yep,” Louis smiles, “graduated from the famous chicken nuggets culinary school and everything.”

Harry laughs, “well, I do happen to love chicken nuggets.”

Joanne gasps, “do you really?” she asks, “I love chicken nuggets so much. They are my favourite! I wish they made chicken nuggets ice cream, cause I love ice cream as well.”

“That sounds a bit gross,” Harry says, making Jo giggle, and when she is done mixing he helps her down the counter, helping her pour it in the baking tray.

“I am putting it in the oven, sorry Jo,” Harry then says, “remember? It’s too hot for your little hands.”

Joanne nods, “be super duper careful!”

Harry nods, and pushes the baking tray in the oven and Louis curses under his breath because it’s definitely not fair that Harry is moving around in his kitchen like he belongs there. He really needs to work on this.

“And now we wait, miss Jo. What’s next on your list?”

Joanne doesn’t need to be asked twice, and she decides that next on her list is a visit to her room: again, Louis gives them the space he thinks they need again, and as soon as he’s by himself, his phone buzzes in his pocket.

From: Lottie

How is it going?

Louis types back a “I want to die” and his sister’s reply comes one second after in the form of a question mark.

To: Lottie

I thought I could do it, but I don’t think I can. She is so, so happy, and they made brownies and now they are in her room playing and I can’t do it.

Lottie calls one second after.

“You can do it,” she says down the phone, “actually, you both can. Gemma said he was pretty upset.”

“Well, wouldn’t you be?” Louis asks, “I don’t blame him. But seeing him here…”

“Ever thought that maybe this is a sign that things can be fixed?”

Louis snorts, “there’s nothing to fix. He lives in New York, if you can’t remember,” he reminds her, “he has a shiny life I know nothing about, a million hours away from us.”

Lottie huffs, “just talk to him. Trust me for once in your life” she says, “you’re not the same people you were six years ago, talking could be good.”

“I will try,” Louis promises, “I am just so worried about Jo. She was so excited.”

Lottie sighs down the phone, “she is a clever little bubba. She will be fine, no matter what happens. Call me later?”

The man ends the call promising his sister that he will call her back, and then convinces himself to walk upstairs to check on them, but then he hears Harry’s voice asking Jo about her life and he stops next to the door frame, listening to them.

“I.. I work in a big office with a lot of people.”

“My classroom has a lot of people too, Harry” she says, “my favourite friends are Mia and Arthur, but I also love everyone” gosh, she is so adorable.

“My favourite friends are your uncle Niall and my housemate, his name is Drew.”

“It’s a funny name, like mine! My papa calls me Jo all the time. He only says Joanne when I am in trouble,” Louis can hear her say, “is New York very far? Papa always tells me you live there when we watch a movie and they talk about it.”

“Not very far, Jo,” Harry answers, “but I do love being here.”

“Papa has been to New York once, when I was a baby.”

SHIT.

Louis should really interrupt the conversation, but he can’t do it without letting Harry know that he has been eavesdropping, so he takes a deep breath and decides to let them be.

“Oh, really?” Harry asks, surprised, and Jo hums, “yeah! He said it was very cold and there were a lot of big lights,” she says, making Harry laugh, “there are a lot of big lights.”

“Harry, do you want to meet my little baby cat?”

It’s then that Louis decides to make himself known and enters the room with a big smile, “why don’t you go get him, Jo?” he asks, and Joanne jumps at the opportunity running out of the room to look for their cat.

“Lou, I… I adore her,” Harry says, and Louis tries to ignore the nickname, smiling at the man in front of him, honestly for the first time since he has been back, “I am glad. She really likes you,” he says.

“So… You’ve been to New York?” Harry asks, “Joanne said you did. When she was small.”

“I did,” Louis confirms, nervous, “but I don’t think we should talk about it now,” he adds, and Harry takes the chance to ask a question he has wanted to ask for the past week and a half, “would you like to have dinner with me?”

“Oh, uhm.. See…” Louis tries, but then he remembers that he promised Lottie he would try, so he nods “we can.. There is the place, around the corner from your mum’s. Quiet. Food is really nice. Maybe your mum can take Jo for the evening?”

“Sure. She’ll be happy to.”

“Great.”

So they spend the rest of the day walking on eggshells around each other, and Joanne seems to enjoy the company of both of their dads, and if she feels any tension, Louis is glad she is still little and doesn’t comment on it. By the time it’s 5, she is exhausted and the amount of sugar she has in her body is taking her out, so they walk to Anne’s house, Louis holding on to her hand, trying to pretend like Harry is not walking next to their daughter towards his mum’s house like he belongs there.

Joanne is happy to see Anne, and she says her goodbyes kissing them both on the cheek, and then it’s just them again and Louis wants to be run over by a car.

“Had fun, today?” he asks, starting to walk towards the restaurant, and Harry nods, walking way too close to him, in fact they are so close that their hands almost touch. Harry launches into talking about how great Joanne is, and asks a few questions about her school and their lives, and Louis responds almost happily, sure that Harry is keeping the conversation on her to focus on the whole situation once they sit down. Louis is very happy that the serious conversation that must inevitably take place between them will be take place in a neutral field such as a restaurant, because he's not sure that anywhere else, such as his home, he would be able to talk about heavier things.

When they sit down, Harry does not waste time.

“You came to New York?” he asks, and Louis nods, “you should get the pan fried cod, it’s amazing,” he suggests, “I did come to New York, when she was about 3.”

“Why?” Harry scans the menu, “and please don’t give me half an answer. I want to know.”

“I went to uni,” Louis explains, “and when I graduated Gemma bought me a plane ticket as a gift, because she was coming to see you for your birthday.”

“You came on my birthday?”

Louis takes a deep breath, “I wanted to come tell you about Jo,” he confesses, “but then… I saw you in that restaurant, sitting down with Gems, and I chickened out, and I ended up spending four days there. I went full on tourist while Gemma was with you."

Harry doesn’t answer for a good minute, “my life in New York is not exactly how you think it is,” he confesses, “I mean. I have a great job, and it's rewarding but being away from here... And I don’t expect anything from you, or Jo. But if you showed up telling me I had a daughter, it would’ve made it more bearable.”

“But… You have a job, a very fancy house or at least that’s what Ni and Ames told me and-”

“And my whole family and most of my friends are here, and I was so scared to come back for a long time…”

Louis nods, not quite sure what to say, and is thankful that the waitress approaches their table to take their order. Harry orders for both of them, and then resumes speaking, “I was afraid because I didn’t want to face the fact that you’re angry with me.”

“I am not angry anymore, it was a long time ago.”

“But I don’t want you to think that I left because I didn’t care,” Harry admits, “Lou, you’re terrifying in the best way. And I knew that if I told you, if I said goodbye, I would’ve come back crying after two weeks,” Harry explains, “and I wish I had a better explanation, but everything I have ever said to you was true. I loved you, and you were the most important person in my life and I never, ever wanted to let you down.”

“But you left me.”

Harry nods, “and you hid the fact that I had a child for six years, involving my own mother and sister, and my best friend and... I still can't be mad at you.”

“But you left me,” Louis repeats, “I was a baby about to have a baby and I was heartbroken,” he confesses, “and then before I knew it my mum was sick, I had a baby and you were gone and then mum passed away and I just… I wanted to protect her. And I am sorry, because I know that you’re never gonna get your time with her back.”

Harry nods, “we’re both sorry,” he confirms, “and we are so different,” he comments, “but we can… if you want, of course? Try. To be better people, to be there for each other and to be there for Jo.”

“And what about New York?”

“You don’t need to worry about New York. Pretend it doesn’t exist,” Harry reassures him, “please?”

“And what about Drew?” Louis asks, bitter, and Harry smirks, not able to hide his smugness, “Drew is so straight it makes me sick sometimes, so he’ll live,” he jokes, “and if you want to know, there is no one else. Never.”

“Oh.”

“I also want to say thank you,” Harry says, going back to his serious self, “I really do appreciate that you told Jo about me, not everyone would’ve done that.”

The waitress comes back with their plates, and they both thank her, and then they look at each other for a minute. They are both so different, yet the same, and Louis decides it’s time to stop hurting.

“Harry?”

“Yeah?”

“If you leave again without saying goodbye, I am going to contact a lawyer and make sure you can never get close to Jo again,” he says, seriously, and Harry’s face falls, but then Louis smiles, “but for now you’re here. She finishes school at 3:15 every day, Amelia normally walks her home but Anne is on grandma duty until her and Niall come back from their honeymoon. I am going to speak to her teachers, just in case you want to pick her up sometime this week. I finish work at 4.”

“How can you look like a demon and a puppy in the span of 10 seconds?”

Louis laughs, “shut up and eat.”

They will be fine, or at least they will try.

—

If Louis thought that having groceries delivered was weird, when he finds himself in front of a man called John who states he is a plumber coming to fix his leaking bathroom’s sink and checking that everything else is fine he thinks he must be losing it. To be honest, Louis wants to cry a little because that sink has been leaking for at least 4 months, so it doesn’t take long for Louis to let him in, especially when his new friend John says that he has been paid already.

To: Gemma

Did you say anything to Harry?

It’s not like money are really a struggle, it’s just that raising a child and only working part time while she is in school it’s a bit hard, so Louis decides very carefully what is worth spending money on, just in case she needs new shoes. Also, why are school’s uniforms so expensive?

Gemma replies with a question mark, and Louis is quick to type “I received a big delivery of groceries last week and now my new friend John is fixing my sink”.

The woman just replies with a laughing emoji, but Louis is suspicious. Everyone knows better than to overstep, so the next logical thing is to ask for his number. Gemma replies with a “fucking finally” and Harry’s phone number, that he text straight away.

To: Harry

Does your mum know a plumber?

Harry replies with a “I can’t believe you never changed your phone number,” that makes Louis smile, but then another text message follows up that says “Do you remember Rose from the community centre? Her son John is a plumber.”

Louis calls Harry instantly.

“Did you send John over to fix my sink?” he asks straight away, and Harry coughs down the phone, “I noticed the sink was leaking when I came over the other day.”

“Harry…”

“What? What if Jo goes to the toilet and the sink has flooded the bathroom and she slips and cracks her head open?”

Louis tries not to get defensive, but the “I know how to take care of my daughter, I don’t need you to do that. You can be the fun dad. Leave the serious stuff to me” leaves his mouth before he can think of something better to say. Harry sighs, “I am just trying to help.”

“I don’t need your help.”

“Well, you will get it anyways. I am going to get her from school, and I am going to the shop with her to buy you guys dinner,” the man on the other end of the phone says, “you can either decide what you want or I will let Jo buy a gazillion chicken nuggets and you’re going to have to eat that for the rest of your lives.”

Louis smiles, glad Harry can’t see him, “surprise me and stop doing whatever you think you’re doing,” he says, “you can’t be all nice and expect me to be normal about it.”

Harry laughs, “you’ve never been normal about anything ever, surely you won’t start now.”

Louis literally hangs up the phone on him, and 20 minutes after he waves goodbye to his-new-friend-John and goes to the bathroom, turning the tap on and off just to enjoy the fact that it’s not leaking.

Louis wishes Harry could fix his heart and brain the same way he made sure the sink was fixed.

— 

Three days later, when Louis opens the front door, he’s hit by music blasting from the kitchen and Jo’s laughter rings through the house.

“Hello?” he shouts, and he hears Harry and Joanne shout back “in the kitchen” that makes him walk over immediately. When he enters the room, Joanne is sitting at the table with her colouring book and Harry is stirring something on a saucepan. He turns around, smiling at Louis, and Louis curses himself because the first thing he thinks about it’s not the fact that somehow Harry managed to get into the house, but that he wants to come home to this everyday for the rest of his life.

“I know,” Harry says, “but we were walking home from school and she was dying to go to the toilet so mum had to come get us and she took us here,” he explains, “I did not pick your lock or something.”

“Thanks,” Louis answers, sarcastic, “what are you doing?”

“Making spaghetti bolognese for your dinner.”

Louis doesn’t say anything, he walks over to Jo and kisses the top of her had, “did you have a good day, bug?”

“Yes, papa” she says, “we did a lot of reading at school today and we also went out to the big farm and then Harry was at the gate and Ms. Robson told him that I ate all of my lunch and then we saw grandma on the way back, I really needed a wee I was so excited at school I forgot to go to the toilet.”

Louis laughs, “how are you my daughter?” he asks, making Harry snort. She goes back to her colouring book, and Louis walks over to the counter, “it smells good. Are you staying?”

“If you want,” Harry says, “also… Are those Doris and Ernest?” He points to the fridge, where a picture of the Tomlinson’s siblings is held on by a magnet. Harry can't help but smile when he recognises Daisy and Phoebe, sitting between Lottie and Louis. They had all grown so much.

Louis nods, “well yes. Dan took it for us when we went to London for my mum’s birthday.”

“They're now... Nine, ten years old?’”

“They are 10.”

Harry can't help himself, and though a little embarrassed asks “how is everyone?” and Louis smiles at the question, “they are good. Dan is getting married again in March next year. Everyone is really busy.”

Harry nods, quite unsure of what to say, so Louis speaks again, “everyone's fine, Daisy and Phoebe are in uni, now, in Manchester. Ernest is apparently a piano prodigy and Doris plays football.”

“Football?"

“Yeah, when she was five she started kicking everything, so Dan and I put a ball in front of her as a joke and the passion grew with her.”

Harry smiles, imagining Doris running around the garden he himself had been in a thousand times.

“And Charlotte?” Louis laughs.

“You never called her that once in your life, Harry! If she heard you they'd probably tell you off,” he says, then opens the drawer under the cooker to take a spoon out, only to dig into the saucepan where the sauce is cooking and smiles, “she lives with her partner in London! His name is Jack and he's a doctor, and Lottie has changed about twenty hair colours and owns a business. Make up stuff that I don't understand, but she has a gazillion instagram followers and they sell her stuff everywhere” he says, and Harry thinks he should apologise to his family as well, and then his thoughts travel to Louis’ mum: Jay was a second mum to him, she had been the first person he had come out to, even before his own mother, and had helped him manage his feelings for Louis before they could explode in his face. She had always been understanding and always had a comforting word for him, and his brain still hadn't adjusted to the idea that she was gone.

Before Harry can say anything, though he’s not even sure what, Joanne jumps on Louis and kisses his cheek, “papa, can I have a bath now?” she asks, and Louis nods, “it’s going to be quick, dinner is almost ready.”

“Ok, papa” she says, “can I wear my blue nighty today?”

“Of course, baby” Harry hears Louis say as they walk down the corridor to their bathroom. Louis lets her go choose her outfit while he fills up the bathtub, and as soon as she climbs in she looks at Louis with an expression he knows all too well.

“What’s up, bug?”

"How did you and daddy meet?" she asks, and Louis sighs, "in school," he answers, "I moved with nanny Jay and your aunties when I was 13 and daddy was in the class next to mine," he explains, "we became friends, and then daddy became very important to me and that's how I got you."

“Papa, I love you very much,” Jo smiles, “Harry is very nice. Can my daddy stay now?”

Louis is not entirely sure of what to say, “what do you mean?” he asks, so Jo just talks instead of playing with her bathtub toys, “he is very nice,” she repeats, “he is making us dinner and he cleaned the sitting room and he even fed my little baby cat,” she says, “he is taking care of us now. So... Can he stay?”

Joanne’s words hit him like a ton of bricks, but she doesn’t stop there.

“I think if I asked him very nicely he would stay,” she says, splashing her hands gently above the water, “I think you should ask him because he is always talking about you so he would stay if you asked him, papa” she promises.

“Jo, it’s… Adult stuff that you can’t understand yet.”

“But he talks about you all the time, papa. He asks about you to uncle Niall when he calls and with grandma and auntie Gemma. Did you know auntie Gemma is daddy’s sister? He thought I couldn’t hear him but he told auntie Gemma that you’re beautiful,” she then confesses, “can I have a sister? Or a brother. It doesn’t really matter, if daddy stayed I could have a sibling.”

Louis laughs, “you cannot have a sister,” he says, “listen, bug,” he puts shampoo on her hair and rinses his hands in the sink, “you are my baby girl and you don’t need to worry about daddy. Ok?” he says, getting ready to rinse her down. Before he turns the tap on, he looks at her and smiles, “Jo?”

“Yes, papa.”

“If… If daddy doesn’t stay,” he says, not quite sure how to word it, “if he doesn’t stay, he will love you just the same. Always has and always will. Ok?”

“Ok papa,” she smiles, “can you braid my hair so tomorrow morning we don’t have to do it?”

“Alright” Louis says, and he rinses her hair and body off, making sure she is wrapped in her fluffy pink towel before she runs to her room in her hair braiding position on her chair.

When he gets out of the bathroom, Harry is leaning on the wall and before Louis can say anything, Harry takes a step and his hands are on his cheeks and then they’re kissing and Louis' back is pushed against the wall and Harry’s lips are on his and it feels like coming home. It feels like Louis can let go of a breath he didn’t know he was holding, it feels like the stars and planets aligned, and he feels safe, safer than he felt in a long time.

“You’re right,” Harry says, putting distance between them, but so close that their foreheads touch, “no matter what, I will always, always love her” he confirms, “also, dinner is almost ready, if you want to go do her hair. I’ll dish out.”

He kisses his lips quickly again, just a peck that leaves Louis longing for more, but then he disappears downstairs and before he knows it, Louis is standing behind Jo babbling about asking Santa about a doll house despite the fact that Christmas is ages away, and that she very much knows that Santa is in fact her papa.

When they get downstairs, food is on their plates and Jo sits on her chair smiling at Harry.

“Thank you,” Louis says smiling awkwardly at Harry, who winks at him, “I made enough for you to take to work tomorrow, if you want.”

“Oh,” Louis says, but before he can thank him again, Jo speaks, “we have Miss Townsed that makes our food in my school, Harry” she says, “maybe you should come work in my school.”

Harry laughs, “let’s eat, Jo. It’s gonna be your bed time soon, you don’t want to miss it.”

“Yes, I would love to miss it” she replies, but then digs in and they eat in silence for a bit until Harry speaks again, “do you guys have any plans this weekend?”

“No,” Louis says, “we normally just hang around with Gemma or your mum, and we do sometimes just stay home and watch movies.”

Harry smiles, “well, I have to drive to Manchester to grab something for work, if you want to come.”

“Yes, please. Papa, please?” she asks, and Louis doesn’t want to let her down so he nods, “permission granted, Miss Jo.”

She smiles and thanks him, and before they know it dinner is finished and Jo is asleep in her bed, and when Louis comes down he finds Harry cleaning up his kitchen.

“You shouldn’t be cleaning,” he says, “in fact, you should be going home? You have done much more than you should have.”

Harry shakes his hand, “I hid a bottle of wine somewhere in my shopping. Want some?”

Louis nods, but decides to help Harry sort everything out before opening a bottle of wine that could change the course the evening is taking. When they finish, Louis turns on the dishwasher and then opens the cupboard above it to take out two glasses. They don't say much, sit on the sofa and drink in silence until Harry decides he's had enough and speaks up.

“So… We kissed.”

“You kissed me, really” Louis says, and Harry smiles, “I’m staying, by the way” he says, “my company has an office in Manchester, they shipped my stuff.”

“What?”

“I don’t want to miss anything about her life,” Harry says, “it took me three weeks to be completely smitten with her, and I was supposed to leave next Friday. But I don’t want to.”

“But your life is in New York.”

“I don’t give a damn about New York, Louis” Harry shoots back, “I want to help with her. Not that you need help, because she is amazing. She is so, so clever, and so loved and she doesn’t need another dad. But I want to be here and see her grow up.”

“Harry… I don’t want you to resent her. To resent me. You need to go back and keep living your life. She will be fine, I promise.”

Harry shakes his head, and slides closer to Louis, taking his hand, “there was not a day, since the day I left, that I didn’t think about you,” he says, “when I saw you in Tesco that evening, and I heard her call you papa, I thought that… That we could never go back. But I think we can. If you want.”

“Harry…”

"I am tired of pretending that leaving you wasn't the worst mistake of my life," Harry says, "and I know people would think I am crazy, because we got together when we were 15 and we definitely knew nothing about life, but I loved you. And I never stopped," he confesses, "I know it’s crazy. But it’s been so long and I am a different person, and so are you. And you are an amazing dad, I know you don’t need me. But I want you to lean on me,” he says, “tonight was… It was home. And I don’t want to go back to New York to a childless house, thinking about the fact that I could be here, making dinner for us while you’re giving her a bath or helping her do her homework,” he almost sounds like he’s begging Louis, but before he can say anything Harry speaks again, “I had my mind made up about having to bottle up the feelings that I have for you for the rest of my life, but I don’t want to. I will never, never leave again if you give me another chance.”

“I don’t want to lose her,” Louis whispers, “she adores you, and it’s going to be a matter of months before she realises that you can give her a much better life.”

“Are you out of your mind?” Harry says, “she adores you. She never shuts up about you, never. It’s always “I did this with Papa” or “Papa loves this”. I can’t compete. Never. You gave her a home and raised her and I am so, so proud of you,” he kisses Louis’ hand, “but I don’t want you to do this by yourself anymore. You don’t have to.”

“You know, my mum always said that you’d come back for us,” Louis says, leaning into Harry, a sign of intimacy that he won’t ever take for granted ever again, “she is the one that convinced me that Jo should know about you, even if you weren’t here.”

“To be fair, your mum would’ve let us get married when we were 16.”

“She would have, yeah” Louis says, smiling, “I don't know how to do this,” he confesses, "your family has been my rock, but it's mostly been just me and her and... I don't want you to look back in a year time and say "fuck it" and leave. I know living here is not the most exciting thing one could do with their life, and you have been in a big city for so long and you're gonna get bored," he says, "and she has been an angel for you because she definitely wants to impress you, but you haven't seen her throw a tantrum or be the little miss sassy pants that she can be."

"She is your daughter, I wouldn't expect her not to throw a tantrum. She definitely got the sassy pants from someone."

"What is that supposed to mean, Harry Styles?"

Harry smiles, "I don't want to live another day of my life away from you both," he says, "I know I hurt you."

"I forgave you ages ago, Haz. We are fine."

They both smile at the nickname, and Louis just rests his head on the other man's chest, and they stay in silence for a while, until Louis speaks up again, "there is something else you should know."

Harry looks down at him, expecting something awful, and Louis take a deep breath, “if… Gosh, this is embarrassing but if we try, you need to know that after you I’ve never… I have never…” he sighs, “I’ve never slept with anyone else, so if you’re expecting a crazy sex life…”

“Never?” Harry asks, and can’t help but be smug when Louis confirms it, but Louis doesn’t have the time to feel embarrassed because then Harry leans down slowly, the world around them fades, almost as if nothing else mattered. Louis’ breath hitches, a nervous intake of air as the space between them disappeared. Harry’s lips brushed his, gently at first, as if he was afraid that Louis would change his mind, not understanding that he is it for Louis. The kiss felt like a question, soft and warm touches and they both enjoy the sweet closeness, making the time feel endless and when they part, their foreheads rest together, kiss still lingering on their lips.

“Stay the night?” Louis asks, and to Harry, it sounds more like “we’ll be fine” than he’d like to admit.

They walk up the stairs quickly, and Louis locks the door behind them before he’s crashing into Harry again, feeling his lips on his neck as he undresses him and Jesus, seeing Harry half naked in front of him makes Louis feel a bit self-conscious. He is very different from the boy he had when they were 18: he is a bit taller, his body broader, his abs looks sculpted.

They land on Louis’ bed in their boxes and Louis is afraid he’s gonna come on the spot when Harry gets on top of him, kissing every inch of his body he can possibly reach, and when he gets to just above his waistline, he looks up to Louis.

“Can I?” he asks, and when Louis nods he mouths his cock through his boxers making Louis squirm under him, then proceeds to remove them to give himself complete access to Louis’ cock. He gives a few licks on his length before swallowing him down, letting Louis’ touch the back of his throat and it takes an embarrassingly short time before Louis is coming down his throat, trying to keep himself from shouting for the sake of everyone in the house.

Harry smiles triumphant, but then Louis is looking at him and before he can talk himself out of it he speaks.

“Fuck me,” he demands, “there is stuff in the bottom drawer,” he says, “I waited for so long.”

The thing is… Six years is a long time. He is basically a virgin again, and although he is very much capable of taking care of himself, by the time Harry has three fingers buried into him, he’s on the verge of bursting again and he has to really focus on literally every inch of his room not to come again, because that would be very embarrassing.

“You ready?” Harry asks, and when Louis nods, biting his bottom lip, Harry rolls one of the condoms he has found in the drawer before pushing into Louis slowly.

“Fuck, you’re so tight,” Harry moans, looking down at Louis who has his eyes closed and is biting his lips so hard Harry is scared he’s gonna start bleeding. When he bottoms out, Louis groans and touches him gently, as to reassure him that he’s fine, not really able to speak. It takes Harry a good minute to start moving, and when he does he starts moving slowly into him, and for a while the only noises that can be heard in the room are their pants and moans. Harry moves inside of him with slow thrusts, lowering himself to kiss his lips softly from time to time, not entirely sure of what this means for them or if they’re ever gonna do this again, so he decides that he has to make it good for him.

Louis reaches out for his cock, forgotten between them, but then Harry removes his hand and starts wanking him quickly, while his thrusts get slower and slower, and he makes sure that Louis comes between them before he decides he can let go, emptying himself in the condom and collapsing on top of Louis, staying inside for a minute just to devour the moment.

Louis kisses his forehead, and smiles at the ceiling.

“Thanks for coming back for us.”

And Harry is sure, they will be fine.

Some time later…

July turns into August, and before Louis knows it Joanne is off school for the summer and he’s working from home. Harry’s things are now everywhere in their house, and Louis eats actual food every dinner because Harry is taking his role as a dad very seriously. Joanne walks all over him, because what Jo wants is what Jo gets from both of her dads. She doesn’t question once the fact that Harry is with them all the time now, on the contrary she absolutely loves it and when Mia and Arthur come over for a play date, she introduces him as her other dad to their mums, something that makes Harry shed a few tears in the kitchen while he fetches them drinks.

Joanne gets her wish to go to New York as Harry has to get some of his stuff from his old flat and from his office, and doesn’t trust anyone enough to ship them. He has to beg Louis to go with him, but they have a great time and Louis is so happy just because Jo is. When Louis enters Harry's old bedroom, he sees a picture of a very young version of himself on Harry’s bedside table and smiles, kissing Harry sweetly before Joanne makes a fake gag noise behind them. Louis also meets Drew, who is indeed the straightest man who ever lived and he feels silly for ever being jealous of him. They have the best time in New York, and they do every single little touristy thing there is to do: they go on top of the Empire State Building, visit the Statue of Liberty and also go to Coney Island and Jo decides that she loves New York but apparently England is so much better because "we don't talk funny like that, papa."

It would be silly to think they never argue, because they do, and it’s mostly about money: Louis doesn’t receive his bills in the mail anymore, and when he contacts his providers, the nice lady on the phone tells him that they have set up a direct debit to a card, and it’s useless to say that the card is connected to Harry’s bank account. They argue for ages, Louis still unable to let go of the fact that he is not alone in this anymore, but that fight results in Harry moving into Louis and Jo’s house, so Harry thinks it’s a win. Louis secretly thinks it's too soon for a few weeks, before he realises that he's getting the best sleeps he has had in years.

There are endless dates when Jo doesn’t tag along and even more when she’s there, and Louis has a hard time remembering their lives before Harry showed up again: Jo loves him, and Harry looks at her like she hung the moon and when he comes home to her giggles, he knows all the hurt and misunderstandings were worth it.

Joanne calls Harry “daddy” for the first time when they come back from New York. They are putting her to bed, and she just says "goodnight, daddy" and she is a bit embarrassed at the slip up, but Harry kisses her cheeks so much that she bursts into giggles and the name sticks around. Louis looks at them and he’s afraid his heart is gonna explode with the amount of love he feels, and he has to physically stop himself from crying every time he hears Jo calling Harry dad. Harry will tell anyone that cared to listen that that was the best moment in his whole life.

There is also so much talking, and so much healing done, and it’s crazy to think they ever thought they’d never be in each others’ lives ever again: Harry apologises a million times, and so does Louis. Harry is very aware that he’s never going to get to live certain things with Joanne ever again, but he is also very much aware of how difficult it must’ve been for Louis. They learn to live with it and let go, doing everything they can to make up for the lost time. One night, when they are in bed, Louis grabs a box from his side of their wardrobe and shows Harry every memory he kept of the first years of Jo's lives. Her first onesie, her first bib, her first pair of baby shoes; then he gets his phone out, and proceed on showing Harry every single picture he has ever taken of Jo, telling him little stories about them. By the time he's done, Harry knows everything about them, and is so, so happy because Louis was able to let go.

There is also so much sex, or as Harry loves to call it, love making. Louis thought that there was no way they could make up for the lost time, but clearly Harry has a mission and Louis is not proud of the fact that he still comes embarrassingly fast when Harry is inside of him, and even faster when Harry is eating him out. They just fit, and it only takes Harry about three months into them trying again to stop being smug about the fact he’s the man Louis has ever been with (and the only one he will ever be with, if you ask him).

They just fall back into each other so quickly and easily, and Harry really thought their lives couldn’t get any better, but boy, was he wrong.

“I am leaving for a week, Lou,” he says one night, hand running up and down Louis’ arm, “I have to go to New York to meet some clients, and I squeezed all of my meetings into that week so I won’t have to go again for a long time. I am leav… Are you okay?” he says, looking down at Louis whose eyes are full of tears, “what’s wrong, babe?”

“You can’t leave us,” Louis whispers, “you really cannot leave us.”

Harry pouts, and kisses Louis’ face, “only for a week, I already have my return flight booked and…”

“You can’t go, that’s final” Louis says, sliding under the covers to hide his face. Harry slides down, facing him, “what’s the matter? I thought about you and Joanne coming with me, but her headteacher would never say yes and I don’t want you to stress about flying, I know you hate it.”

“I shouldn’t be flying right now, anyways” Louis says, closing his eyes and refusing to look at Harry, who is more confused than he was a minute ago, “why?” he asks and Louis slides his pillow under the cover and covers his face, quite literally screaming into it.

“My doctor told me that it might be dangerous to fly in the first trimester,” he blurts out, and it takes Harry a good minute to register, before he jumps out of the bed, taking their duvet with him, and stares at Louis.

“What? Louis, what?” he basically shouts, “Louis, what are you saying?”

“I am 9 weeks pregnant, Harry” Louis says, sitting up and looking at Harry who is jumping up and down around the room, “what the fuck, Louis?” he exclaims excitedly, “we’re having a baby?”

“We are,” Louis smiles, “Jo doesn’t know, I want to wait until I’m at least 12 weeks and… Are you crying? ” he says, looking at him, and Harry nods, climbing on top of the bed to kiss Louis’ face, “I am so, so happy” he whispers before kisses, “I am not going, we can have our stupid meetings on Zoom. When can we go for a scan? Do you want me to massage your feet?” Harry asks, “oh my God, what if it’s a boy ? Do you want a drink or anything? Are you hungry?” 

Louis laughs, and lays down on the bed, dragging Harry down with him, “slow down, H,” he says, “I will probably need a massage in about 6 months time and I have my first scan next week Monday.”

“I am coming,” Harry says, “I am coming to all of them, doesn’t matter if I have to drive us to the moon.”

“Slow down,” Louis repeats, “are you happy? I was a bit scared of telling you.”

“I am so happy,” Harry kisses him quickly, “you make me so, so happy… Thank you. You’re amazing. In fact…” he turns around to reach for the drawer in his bedside table, “I was going to wait until Lottie came down but…” he clears his voice, “I love you, and you gave me Jo and you’re carrying our other baby and I never thought I would ever, ever get to kiss you again. But you were the love of my life when I had the most awkward coming out in the universe when I was 15, and you were the love of my life when I was 17 and 21 and you will always be,” he says, and before he knows it Louis has a ring in front of him.

"I just cannot imagine my life without you," Harry continues, "I want to look back in 50 years time and be happy I never had to spend a day away from you," he says, "Will you marry me?"

Louis nods, unable to contain the tears coming down from his eyes, and Harry slides the ring down his finger and they kiss quietly, under the dim lights of their bedside lamps.

Joanne gets to be the prettiest flower girl in the world, and stands next to Harry and Louis as they get married in the back garden of Anne's house, surrounded by the people they love the most. Louis has a picture of his mum in his front pocket, and he knows that she would've said "I told you so" about a hundred times. 

Their baby boy comes into the world just three weeks after their wedding, and Harry gets to live every single little thing, every little milestone and he learns to never look back.

And he is so, so grateful for this life they have.