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Chapter Text

All that promise gone in an instant. 

Linadrin’s guttural scream could’ve cut the very stone of the White Tower. She dropped to her knees and desperately tried to fix the mess she’d made.

“No, no, no, no, no-“ She pleaded, cursing her lack of aptitude for healing. She couldn’t heal more than a bruise on a good day, let alone damage like this. 

Her fingers burnt as she tried to touch the girl’s sizzling cheeks. “No, no, no, no, no, noooooo!” 

She clutched the limp girl to her chest and gently rocked back and forth, as if to soothe her.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry-“ Liandrin continuously muttered, brushing her lips against the girl’s singed hairline. 

She held the girl’s head between her hands, a girl who minutes ago was pleading Liandrin for mercy. 

“I won’t allow you to give up” She had scolded her. “Keep channelling. You can do this!”
“Liandrin Sedai, please.” The Novice cried. “I can’t hold on!”

Liandrin continued linking her power through the girl’s, amplifying her. She gave her more and more until the whole room lit up with her light. 

“Yes! Well done!” Liandrin exclaimed as the Novice’s power began to affect the gravity in the space, her feet lifting off the stones.

The girl beamed, looking to her mentor with an expression of excitement and overwhelming pride. 

Liandrin’s smile vanished when the Novice’s face contorted in pain, veins of white hot Power surging across her skin, cracking her open.

Liandrin cut off the link instantly, but it was too late. With a blinding flash of light, the Novice had burnt-out. Falling crumpled to the floor, her eyes black pits in the middle of her soot-stained face. 

That's when Liandrin began to wail, her throat like sandpaper ripping raw. 

With the sounds of splintering wood, someone burst through the cellar door. The wards Liandrin put in place had decayed as soon as her focus broke, but the lock had held.  

Moiraine Sedai rushed into the room, hands raised, ready to channel. Her Warder, Lan, close at her heels. 

“Liandrin?” Moiraine approached as she would a wild beast. Liandrin’s sobs paused as her head whipped around in defence. 

Moiraine recognised the agony in the Red’s bloodshot eyes. 

“Will you let me look at her?” Moiraine said softly, crouching nearby. 

Liandrin shook her head, pulling the girl’s corpse tighter to her chest. 

“No!” She hissed, pressing her eyes closed. As if by immersing herself in darkness Moiraine and her Warder would disappear. 

“Liandrin.” Moiraine’s hand clutched her sleeve, trying to pull her arm free of the girl.
“No, stop!” Liandrin cried out, trying to pull the girl away. 

With a nod from Moiraine, Lan lurched forward and hooked his arms around Liandrin. The Novice fell from her grasp and into Moiraine’s as Lan pinned Liandrin’s back to his chest. 

“Get your hands off me!” Liandrin jerked. “Moiraine, call off your dog!” 

Lan grunted as he disabled Liandrin’s use of her arms. He was kneeling and had hold of her wrists where they crossed across her torso. She kicked her legs wildly, but her efforts failed to weaken Lan’s grip.

Moiraine had laid the girl flat and was hovering her hands up and down her body, a heavy crease on her brow. 

“Can you fix her? Moiraine please tell me you can fix her!” Lan held Liandrin through another wave of desperate sobs. 

”Can you tell what happened?” Lan asked, concern and fury building in his voice. The thought of Liandrin hurting this child made him want to snap her like a twig. 

“Easy, Lan.” Moiraine said. “This girl has burnt-out. Exactly how, I cannot say.” She sat back on her heels in defeat. “Oh, Liandrin… what have you done?” 

“I didn’t mean this-“ Liandrin pleaded not to be turned over to the Amylrin. “Moiraine, I didn’t think- Moiraine- Please help me! If you have ever cared for me, Moiraine, please!” 

The name was like a chant. Liandrin clung to Moiraine’s name as if it had the power to absolve her. 

“Moiraine?” Liandrin tried to recoil as the other woman extended her hand. Lan easily held the Red still as Moiraine’s fingertips touched Liandrin’s temple. “Moira…” She slurred as her tongue went limp and she was rendered unconscious. 

“Liandrin is volatile, but I do not think she would do this knowingly.” Moiraine argued under her breath.
“There was nothing left of the girl. She was a burnt husk, Moiraine.” Lan’s eyes stung. He knew Moiraine was feeling this injustice as deeply as he was, but she was doing a far better job at masking it.
“I know.” She hissed, finding his eyes. Her hand rested on his arm. “I know.” 

“Excuse me, Moiraine Sedai.” A young Yellow Sister emerged from the door they were guarding. “She’s awake.” 

With Lan keeping watch outside, Moiraine entered the cell.

Liandrin was propped up on a bed, her limbs restrained with enchanted cuffs, preventing her from using the One Power. She had been changed out of her soot covered garments and into a simple white chemise while she slept. 

“Moiraine, please, take these off me.” The Red begged frantically, pulling on the cuffs.
“I can’t do that, Liandrin.” Moiraine replied.
“Please, I beg you. I can’t breathe.”
“You can, Sister. It just feels that way because of the shielding.” Moiraine tried to sternly reassure her.

Liandrin’s face crippled and she threw her head back against the pillows. 

“Calm down, or you’ll damage yourself.” Moiraine rested a gentle hand on Liandrin’s shin, a weave of calming washing over her. ”Shhhh…” 

”She’s dead, isn’t she?” Liandrin’s eyes were pressed closed.
“I’m afraid so.” Moiraine shifted her hand so she held one of Liandrin’s. The woman squeezed it as she restrained an anguished cry. 

Moiraine stepped closer, using her other hand to stroke Liandrin’s forehead. 

“Shhhh… breathe.” Moiraine continued to calm her with words and with her weaves. 

“What’s to be done with me?” Liandrin sniffled. “Will I be stilled ?”
“I’m not certain.” Moiraine said. “You’re to be brought before the Amyrlin Seat on the morrow.” 

“Moiraine.” Liandrin suddenly gripped Moiraine’s fingers painfully, her tone sharp. Moiraine resisted her instinct to pull away. “I won’t let them still me. If it comes to that, I’d rather be dead.” 

“I won’t aid your suicide, Sister.” Moiraine hissed, yanking her hand away in disgust. “That child, barely eighteen, is dead. Her spark extinguished forever and you had a hand in it, accident or no.”
“No, I didn’t mean for this to happen. Believe me. Moiraine, please.”
“I cared for you once. I still do, begrudgingly.” Moiraine said. “Tomorrow, I will do what I can for you, but once judgement has passed… that you must face alone.” 

Chapter Text

At dawn, three Green Ajah funnelled into the cell and prepared Liandrin for trial. Under usual circumstances, an Aei Sedai would be led to the Hall by the Red Ajah. But to prevent conflict of interest, as Liandrin herself is Red, the Green were sent to carry out the task. 

The cuffs were disconnected from the bed, but remained heavy around her wrists and ankles. Although no longer tethered to anything, Liandrin’s movements were still sluggish.

A change of formal clothes had been brought for her. Likely retrieved by Moiraine. With assistance from one of the Green Sisters they navigated her dress around the cuffs and buttoned her in. Another Sister held her up while her shoes were laced for her, her face red with embarrassment. 

Finally, they let Liandrin stand before a handheld mirror, where she attempted to smooth out her hair as best as she could manage without wasting time rebraiding it all. 

It was believed that every sister who must face the Amyrlin’s judgement must do so with her personal dignity intact. 

Liandrin was led to the Hall, flanked by her Green Ajah escorts. One in front, two on her sides. She made no attempt at struggle but the women still held her firmly by the arms. She thanked the Light that they didn’t encounter another soul between her cell and the Hall. She felt enough shame without being paraded around in front of her peers more than necessary. She braced for how the women in the Hall would look at her. Sitters from each Ajah would be present. An offence like this, that would be guaranteed. 

A Green Sister rapped her knuckles on the large door, signalling their arrival. Now they waited for Siuan Sanchen to summon the accused. 

The wait was painful. Liandrin cursed her body as it began to tremble. Her lower lip quivering even when she bit down on it. She received no pity from the women holding her and she  thought back to how many times these roles had been reversed. When she was the one holding a Sister before trial, she showed them no sympathy then. She deserved none now.

Liandrin was pulled from her reverie as the doors opened and she was reluctantly drawn into the Hall. 

As she expected, the gallery was full. Twenty-one Ajah Sitters, the Keeper and the Amyrlin in her Seat. Glistening in her gold regalia. Moiraine Sedai and Lan were also present, waiting off to the side until they were called upon. 

Liandrin was placed in the centre of the Hall to stand alone. She hung her head in shame as the Amyrlin’s gaze locked onto her.

“Liandrin, look at me, daughter.” Siuan’s voice echoed more kindness than Liandrin had braced for. She cast her eyes upward, looking at her Mother with her head still bowed. Being under her scrutinous gaze was enough to make Liandrin want to claw out of her own skin.

Siuan Sanche waved her right hand and the cuffs that shackled Liandin’s wrists and ankles clanged to the floor. Liandrin felt the warmth of the Source race back to her and she bowed deeply, finally feeling as though she could catch her breath.

“Thank you, Mother.” She said graciously. Liandrin flexed her fingers, the ache caused by the cuffs already receding. 

“Commence the hearing of Liandrin Guirale Sedai.” The Keeper announced. “To answer for the death of the Novice Eyva.” 

Eyva . What a shiny thing she was. A kind smile. Rosy cheeks, chestnut hair that fell in ringlets around her face. So much potential in such a small girl. Now all Liandrin could picture was her burnt-out eye sockets and her cracked open flesh. 

The Keeper’s staff loudly hitting the stones brought Liandrin back to her body. 

“You will pay attention when the Amyrlin Seat addresses you.” The Keeper boomed. 

“Thank you, Leane.” Siuan called off her right-hand woman. “I ask again, Liandrin Sedai. Do you consent to testify before your Sisters today?” 
“I do, Mother.” Not that she has much of a choice. Refusal would mean being sent back to the cell until she consented.
“Very well.” Siuan nodded.

Liandrin tried to repress all emotion. Locking herself behind a face of porcelain. If she was going to make it through this without total humiliation, she must be able to answer questions coherently. 

“How long did you mentor Novice Eyva?” Siuan asked first.
“For six months, Mother.” Liandrin said.
“You tutored her privately, yes?”
“Yes. As you know, it is not uncommon for full Sisters to aid Novices.” She added defensively.
“She showed promise, didn’t she?”
“She did, Mother.” Liandrin agreed. “One of the brightest sparks I’ve ever seen.” 

“Liandrin, what happened last night?” Siuan reached the point, curating her words carefully.
“She… Eyva… her confidence had diminished these last few weeks.” Liandrin wrung her hands together anxiously. “I had been tutoring her in the cellars. It’s quiet down there and you’re unlikely to be disturbed.” 

The Amyrlin looked like she wanted to interrupt, but she let Liandrin continue. 

“I wanted to show her how powerful she could be. Show her the spark that was so obvious to the rest of us. She… she just needed a little push.”
“A push?” Siuan’s head tilted slightly.
“Yes. I linked with her.” Liandrin confessed. A wave of gasps echoed around the Hall. ”I was aware of the risks. Eyva consented.”
“Did you pressure her, daughter?” Siuan’s face turned harsh.
“Pressure her? I…” Liandrin gawked.
“A power imbalance existed between the two of you. You, an Aei Sedai, and she, a mere Novice. The girl may have only agreed in order to please you. Did you consider this?”
“Mother… are you accusing me of coercion?” Liandrin clutched a hand to her chest in offence. 

“What happened next?” Siuan moved on, having received her answer indirectly. 

“She began to channel. I linked with her, amplifying her. She was glorious!” Liandrin recounted. “It happened so quickly. I cut off the link as soon as I could, but she had already burnt-out.” Liandrin felt the tug of guilt in her gut, having omitted the part where Eyva begged her to stop. Her eyes stung and she attempted to blink back her tears before anyone saw them. 

“Moiraine Sedai, approach.” Siuan ordered. 

Moiraine stepped up beside Liandrin. 

“Please give your account.” 

“Lan and I were nearby. I heard screams coming from the cellars. We moved to investigate. The door was locked. Hearing someone in distress, we broke through. Liandrin Sedai was cradling the Novice on the floor.” Moiraine explained. “She objected to me examining the girl’s body, so I ordered Lan to restrain her.” She looked pityingly at Liandrin. “I tried to heal the child, but there was nothing to be done.”

“Do you believe Liandrin knowingly burnt-out Novice Eyva?” Siuan asked.
“No, Mother. I do not.” Moraine answered. “She has expressed great remorse for what occurred. It is my belief that although reckless, she only wished to aid her pupil.”
“Thank you, Moraine.” Siuan nodded and Moiraine retreated back to Lan’s side. 

“I now call on any Sitter who wishes to testify for or against Liandrin Sedai.” 

Liandrin clenched her fists as she waited for the insults. A Yellow Sitter rose. 

“Liandrin Sedai had the Novice’s best interests at heart. This act was not out of malice. The Yellows request mercy.” 

 A Red Sitter rose.

“Liandrin Sedai has always lacked restraint and has no mind for caution. This misuse of the One Power caused harm to the weakest among us. The Red’s request retribution. She should be stilled .” 

Sisters began speaking loudly over each other, arguing about what Liandrin’s fate should be. Liandrin tucked her head down and clenched her fists, overwhelmed. 

“I’m sorry.” She whimpered, seeing Eyva’s burnt face.

“Thank you, daughters. Be seated.” Siuan calmed the room. “I have heard your cases, and I am ready to cast judgement. Liandrin Sedai, approach.” 

Liandrin moved up until she stood at the base of the throne’s marble steps. 

“On your knees.” Siuan ordered.

Liandrin kelt, bracing for her fate. 

“You will prove to me that you deserve redemption. You will beg your Mother for mercy.” 

Liandrin, always so stubborn and prideful, found herself bowing and resting her forehead on the cool marble. Siuan took pleasure in drawing this moment out, ensuring the Red felt the eyes of all burning into her back. 

“By the Light, I beg your forgiveness and your grace, Mother.” Liandrin’s lips brushed the marble. 

“Up.” The Amyrlin tutted. She extended her left hand to display her golden serpent ring.

Liandrin knew what was expected of her. She leant forward and kissed the ring. Swearing swearing fealty to the Seat and her judgement. 

Kneeling demurely, hands hanging limp at her sides, Liandrin waited.

“Liandrin Guirule Sedai. A Novice died in your care.” The Amyrlin Seat began. “As penance, you are restricted to White Tower grounds for six months. The same length of time in which Novice Eyva was under your care. You may not leave this Tower without express permission from myself or your Highest Red Sitter. If you are granted leave it will be under supervision.
“Furthermore you are forbidden from teaching Novices from this day onwards, indefinitely. This is my judgement.” 

A hush fell over the Hall. 

“Should you break these terms but once, you will leave me no choice but to make you swear irrevocable fealty on the Sacred Oath Rod. Do you understand, daughter?”
“I understand and accept your judgement, Mother.” Liandrin muttered, her ears ringing. 

Siuan held out a closed fist to Liandrin and the Red cupped her hands beneath the Amyrlin’s. Suian released a great serpent ring into Liandrin’s hand. Although its setting was empty, the ring weighed heavily in her palm.

“This ring represents Eyva’s extinguished potential. The life she could have lived had she become Accepted.” Liandrin saw tears in the corner of the Amyrlin’s eyes. “In your own time, you must face your grief. Return her ring to the flame. This shall be your final act of penance.” 

The sentence hit Liandrin like a tsunami crashing to shore. Her strength gave out and she collapsed forward onto her hands. Silently, she wept. 

She felt a hand rest on the crown of her head. Siuan’s hand. 

“Go now in grace and Light, daughter.” The Amyriln blessed her.

The clang of the Keeper’s staff signalled the end of the trial. Liandrin dragged herself to her feet, her eyes glazed over. She bowed to Siuan, murmurs of gratitude passing her lips. 

Moiraine watched as her Sister appeared to sleepwalk from the Hall, head hung low. She felt a reassuring touch from Lan on her arm.
“Shall we follow?” He asked.
“Give her time. Right now, what Liandrin needs is to be alone.” Moiraine whispered back. She looked to Siuan, who gave a knowing nod, their earlier conversation present in her mind. 

“Watch her closely.” Siuan had said, holding one of Moiraine’s hands in both of her own. “She's at her most dangerous when she’s hurting.”
“I know, love.” Moiraine replied. “She will grieve, but I won’t allow her to be consumed by the darkness inside her.”
“You know her better than most.” Siuan said. “She still admires you.” 
“I know.” Moiraine sighed and then chuckled. “I still carry a scar from breaking her heart.”
“Metaphorically, I hope?” Siuan raised her eyebrows. Moiraine leant in and kissed her. Suian chuckled against her lips, knowing this was Moiraine’s way of changing the subject.

Chapter Text

Liandrin returned to her chamber in turmoil. While she may have openly wept in the hall, she had been holding back a greater beast. 

Her spine slammed her bedroom door closed and she blindly bolted the lock. In a fit of self-hatred she threw the great serpent ring as far as she could. It hit the far wall with an audible clink before disappearing. 

“Agggghhhhh!” An anguished cry clawed from her chest as she fell to her hands and knees. She hugged her head, rocking back and forth on the stones, attempting to block out the world that was collapsing in on her. 

Liandrin pressed her cheek to the cold floor, tears falling sideways off her face as she rolled into the foetal position. 

Dawn turned to noon. Noon turned to dusk. Sobs wracked her body for hours, until exhaustion prevented even that. She lay on her side, puffy eyes staring at the golden ring that had fallen down behind her bed. Glinting in the golden hour light. 

The glint of her own ring caught her eye, the snake’s head staring back at her. 

Although the sobs had ceased, tears still littered her cheeks without relent as she crawled towards the bed. She cared little for the ripping noises her dress made as her boots tore the fabric at the knee. Laying on her side, she extended her arm and reached under the low bed frame, trying for Eyva’s ring. Her fingers clawed at it from half an inch away. It seemed to taunt her. 

Liandrin groaned and kicked the bed with frustration. It shifted just enough to allow her fingers to close around her prize.

She awoke the next morning, having fallen asleep with her arm still outstretched beneath the bed. Eyva’s ring clutched safely in her fist.

Slowly, she sat up and used the bed to get to her feet. Noticing her torn dress, she ripped the skirt the rest of the way so that it hung just below her knees, frayed red thread dripping like blood against her shins.

She ran her index finger over the ring in her palm, already at peace with what she must do.

She didn’t pass a single soul on her way to the flame. Padding the halls on bare feet, Liandrin felt numb. She climbed the stairs that led to the open air chamber, the great flame of Tar Valon burning bright as ever. 

Her heart beat steadily as she held the ring over the bowl of molten gold. Where rings were forged and rings returned. 

“Forgive me.” Liandrin breathed, fresh tears hot on her cheeks. She turned over her palm and the ring dropped into the molten stream, floating on the surface for a brief moment before being swallowed. Absorbed into the liquefied serpents of the countless women that came before. 

Liandrin pulled her eyes from the flame and walked herself to the edge of the balcony. The closer she stepped, the wilder the wind became. Whipping her hair across her back. She did not stop until her toes hung off the edge of the stone, open to the sky. 

She closed her eyes, her breath trembling, her heart aching.

“Liandrin.” A voice cut above the wind. 

“Leave me to my grief, Moiraine!” Liandrin yelled without turning back.
“Not like this.” Moiraine said simply, already a few feet from the edge. “Liandrin… not like this.”
“Did you bring your lapdog to hold me back this time?” Liandrin sulked.
“It’s just you and I out here, Sister.” Moiraine said, controlling her tone very carefully. “May I join you?” She made towards the edge.

“No!” Liandrin cast a weave of air, pushing Moiraine backwards. 

Moiraine fought Liandrin’s gust, careful not to blow any air back and risk upsetting her precarious footing. She managed to redirect the flow of air enough to make it to Liandrin’s side. The blonde woman sobbed and dissolved her weave. 

She tapped Liandrin on the arm. Her touch light as a feather. 

“Moiraine...” Liandrin’s head finally turned and she took in the sight of the woman standing on the edge of the world with her. 

Moiraine’s long brown hair lashed in the wind, but she seemed unbothered. In fact, her face showed little concern. Liandrin cursed the Blue, who was almost as stubborn as the Red herself.

“I know it hurts.” Is what Moiraine said next. “I know you feel hopeless.You are angry. You are overcome by guilt and what you desire more than anything right now is for this to be over.” 

Liandrin looked at her with the expression of a beaten animal. Eyes wide and full of terror.

“This is not the ending you deserve, Sister.” Moraine carefully interlinked her fingers with Liandrin’s. “But, if you are set on this fate, you must take me with you.” 

“You wouldn’t do that to Lan.” Liandrin was quick to say. “Your precious Lan. It would destroy him.”
“You may not care for my Warder but I know you care for me. Losing you… would wound me greatly, Liandrin. Knowing that I could have prevented all this if I just could have loved you more when we were young.”
“Must you always make things about you?” Liandrin chortled.
“Perhaps, I follow you down and the Wheel claims another. You’re right, Lan wouldn’t survive long after that. And then this vicious cycle of grief would continue and Eyva’s death would have been in vain.” 

Moiraine squeezed her hand tighter when she felt Liandrin begin to shift her weight.

“Liandrin… don’t do this.” A hint of desperation cracked into Moiraine’s voice. “I don’t want you to do this.” 

Moiraine knew it was within her ability to overpower Liandrin and bring her back from the edge, but she hoped she could convince her to stand down of her own mind. 

“Not like this.” Moiraine gently tugged Liandrin towards her. “Stay.” She turned sideways, wrapping her other arm around the front of Liandrin’s waist. 

Liandrin’s face curled in and rested on Moiraine’s shoulder, taking in the familiar scent of her.

“Please help me.” Liandrin breathed, feeling paralysed. 

Hugging their bodies together, Moiraine gently urged Liandrin’s weight backwards until she was forced to take a step away from the edge. 

Liandrin’s legs suddenly gave way. Moiraine managed to catch and lower her safely. 

She cradled her Sister against her chest, making soothing sounds as she stroked her hair. 

“You’re safe.” Moiraine whispered. “You’re safe.” She pressed a kiss to Liandrin’s temple and she felt the other woman keen into the touch. 

They rested for a long time before Liandrin made the move to stand. Moiraine assisted her without prompting, maintaining hold on her arm once they were both on their feet. 

They didn’t say a word as Liandrin reached up and traced Moiraine’s jawbone. Tucking a strand of hair behind her ear with a vulnerable smile. 

Liandrin propped herself up on her toes and tenderly kissed Moiraine on the lips. A quick peck was all it was. She didn’t linger. She didn’t ask for more. 

She pulled away and bowed her head in respect, a look of subtle resolve on her face.

“May I ask what that was?” Moiraine smiled warmly, her cheeks flushing.
“A goodbye.” Liandrin rocked back on her heels, biting her lip. “You’re always coming and going from this Tower, and now that I’m under house-arrest, who knows when I’ll next see my favourite Blue.”

Liandrin straightened, wiped her eyes and turned to go, bare feet padding on the smooth stone.

“Liandrin.” Moiraine called as the Red reached the door. Liandrin stopped, waiting for Moiraine to continue, but no more words came. 

“Perhaps in our next life.” Liandrin said what Moiraine could not. Echoes of a promise made long ago. Of a love that could not last.