Chapter Text
Late nights were always Changbin's favourite time of the day, especially in the city. The bright colourful lights of downtown Seoul sparkling and dazzling fighting for dominance over one another, muffled bass of the club music behind the doors to various nightclubs and bars that were no doubt jam packed especially on a weekend, and most of all the socially acceptable norm to be taking shot after shot, drink after drink endlessly while sitting alone at a secluded end of the bar.
Changbin was no doubt taking advantage of that last perk, throwing back another shot of Soju or was it Tequila? Doesn't matter as long as it get's him wasted. Though as much as he appreciated being able to get wasted without the looks of judgement and concern he would usually get if it was 3pm on a Thursday, he would much rather be drinking with someone and not like some loser with no friends, drinking all by his lonesome pitifully.
Well technically he wasn't alone, or at least he didn't arrive at the club alone. He arrived with his best friend Felix, who ditched him to go after some cute guy he saw from across the room, and for some reason, Changbin didn't like that and that's what bothered him the most.
He wasn't supposed to feel jealousy because his best friend is flirting and fucking some other guy
He wasn't supposed to get mad at his best friend for ditching him in a bar for the sole reason they even came, for cute guys.
And he definitely was not supposed to harbour these feelings for his best friend since college while throwing back shots and glaring at his interaction with the guy across the room.
God, I need to get out of here
Changbin sighed as he set his now empty glass down, glancing in the direction Felix was last seen just in time to catch him and the guy rush off in a frenzied haze in the direction of the club exit. And that made Changbin's heart twist, because he knew what this meant, he knew this was just another sign from the universe that Felix will never consider him as an option.
All the guys Felix brought home were dainty, cutesy, and to say the very least, feminine. Changbin was quite honestly the exact opposite, he was muscular, not cutesy and most certainly not feminine. And that made Changbin livid, not at Felix but at himself for even allowing himself to catch these godforsaken feelings for his best friend.
Felix and his one-night stand are long gone when Changbin hears a ding come from his phone, probably a text from Felix letting him know where he went off too and it makes Changbin want to cry. He wasn't supposed to want to cry over his best friend, not in this way. All these feelings of hurt, confusion and jealousy all mixing into one mega cocktail of just radioactive waste was not ideal for Changbin, especially considering the fact that Felix was his best friend, and will always just be his best friend despite how much Changbin wanted it to be more.
Changbin threw a wad of cash he deemed enough for the drinks he had and stumbled towards the exit of the club, pushing open to door to be hit with finally some fresh air, or as fresh as it could get at 3am in downtown Seoul on a busy night on a weekend. He stepped out of the club, taking a few steps to the curb and flagging down the first taxi that came by.
The ravenette climbed into the back of the car, head starting to spin as a consequence of the sheer amount of alcohol he consumed in one sitting. He manages to slur out his address, probably somewhat correctly since the taxi driver managed to understand and started to drive off, away from the bright lights of Hongdae and towards whatever direction Changbin's apartment was that he no longer could bother to recall.
It was probably a really stupid idea to get wasted over his feelings instead of talking them out, but Changbin didn't want to bother Minho, his other close friend, more than he already has about the whole Felix situation. Minho is a good listener, only ever piping in with his advice when Changbin explicitly asks. And Minho's advice is to talk to Felix, which in Changbin's opinion, he might as well have told him to lay on the train tracks and get run over by a freight train, because quite honestly Changbin would rather die than confront Felix with his concoction of emotions. It's probably better that way. Changbin will admire and pin from afar, and Felix will stay oblivious. Changbin is quite alright with this arrangement, even if it does hurt him more than he'd like to admit, even to Minho.
Changbin groans softly as the car pulls to a halt, jolting slightly when it does, effectively worsening his forming migraine. He thanks the driver and give him probably the appropriate amount of cash, though he's not certain since the numbers were blurring together but he assumes it was fine since the driver made no comment. Changbin stumbles into the lobby of his apartment complex, giving the concerned receptionist he's come to sort of befriend a half-assed smile before basically falling into the lift, barely catching himself on the walls as he fumbled through his pockets to find his access key card to take him to the correct floor.
It's quite honestly a miracle Changbin even made it back home alive in one piece, practically tripping over his own feet and stumbling into his apartment. In hindsight, he's quite grateful Wooyoung managed to convince him to get a finger print lock. As he walks further into his loft apartment, leaving his sneakers at the door, he tosses his keys and wallet onto the coffee table and collapses on top of the L-shaped couch in his living room.
In his living room, was a ceiling high window that revealed the city of Seoul from a nearly birds-eye-view, overlooking the Han river and decorated with the night-lights of the city Changbin has grew to love. But thinking about the reasoning behind the majority of his apartment layout made Changbin want to scream into a pillow and ugly sob, so that's exactly what he did.
He grabbed a nearby pillow and screamed at the top of his lungs, the pillow muffling his guttural cries. The ceiling window was because Felix liked the view of the city, the creme and gold monochromatic theme of the majority of his house was because Felix thought it was gorgeous, the huge ass kitchen with utilities Changbin didn't even know how to use because Felix liked to cook and bake. Everything in his apartment, along with Felix, was never his and it will never be. And this damned apartment only serves as a reminder of Changbin's hopeless pinning, so he just cries. Cries until he couldn't breathe, until he physically ran out of tears, until the alcohol crashed and made his eyelids heavy, and even in his last conscious moment before he passed out, a singular tear carrying the weight of the world slid down his cheek and staining the creamy off-white pillow.
Everything will be alright in the morning, right..?