Chapter 1: HANdsome
Chapter Text
HANdsome
NOTES: just a minsung moment happened irl at a quite old fansign (one of my fav ever actually) but I let my imagination wander. Tbh I’ve never liked using rl moments in ff but this one is just too cute that I had to.
“MINHO-YA YOU’RE SO HANDSOME!” “SO HANDSOME!” “BEAUTIFUL!”
He couldn’t care less about what the fans were shouting. Since that morning there was only one thought roaming in his head, strangely empty for once: today Hannie is too cute…
“Tell Jisung he is handsome too”
“HANNIE IS HANDSOME TOO!”
“No-no-no stays, tell Han he is handsome many times…”
“SO HANDSOME… HANDSOME” “HANDSOME”
Shit! I’m staring… I can’t be too obvious…
“VERY HANDSOME!” “SO HANDSOME”
Minho was chanting along with stays. No, to tell the whole truth, he was the one leading the chant while teasing the poor flustered Jisung from time to time. He couldn’t deny the obvious. Han Jisung was way too handsome, especially that day: such a perfect combination of hotness and cuteness with that childish headband on his hair. As always, he struggled to take his eyes off him. The sight of a really flustered Jisung acting all cute trying to hide himself behind a plushie bigger than his face, but not as cute as him, was too much for Minho to be able to focus on anything else. And he knew he had to be discreet. Thousands of fans were watching them always overanalysing every single movement and interaction and he couldn’t bear the idea of someone finding out about his little big secret. Obviously, he could play it off as fanservice but still… he didn’t want Jisung to find out either. That was his biggest fear. Their friendship, the perfect comfort created over the years between each other would be at risk and that was exactly what he cherished the most. He couldn’t afford to ruin everything, not just his relationship with Jisung but also the one with his bandmates, just for a stupid egoistic desire. Better to leave everything like this hoping that those feelings would go away as quickly as possible. To be honest he didn’t even remember exactly when he started to develop those unwanted, burdensome emotions. Was it the first time he saw all the members in that meeting room but a particular one, that kept glaring at him, caught his attention a little more? Definitely, he thought Jisung was handsome even back then but pretty much everyone agreed on that; actually that boy was even too full of himself when it came to his appearance. Or later? The more he knew him the more he grew interested in that squirrel-looking boy; that was pretty undeniable too. For sure those weird feelings, he hoped were just a mere joke played by his own mind for the lack of romance in his life as an idol, because otherwise why would you think like that of your own best friend?, on the contrary, only grew stronger and stronger and he was really starting to lose his mind.
This was what was going on in his head while he was sitting at that long table, again beside Jisung, while signing books, posing for photos, smiling to his fans, wearing weird shit on his head and so on, just hoping no one had the ability to read his mind.
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“Hyung, why did you do that?” Han whined while playfully slapping Minho’s shoulder while on the way back to their dorm. “It wasn’t necessary, and you didn’t stop even when I asked you to… multiple times!”
“Yah! Why are you slapping me?” Minho yelled faking he got hurt “I did nothing wrong I was just asking them to tell the truth. Was I wrong? Aren’t you handsome?”
“That’s not the point, hyung, oBvIoUsLy I’m handsome” and even if it was quite dark in the car anyone could have bet, and won easily by the way, on Han rolling his eyes in the meanwhile “But… STILL IT WASN’T NECESSARY IN FRONT OF EVERYONE”
“Flustered Jisung - happy Minho, you should know that by now…” Changbin said with teasing tone, tired of such a pointless conversation being dragged for far too long. He just wanted some rest after a very stressful day.
“Shut up Changbin hyung! This conversation doesn’t interest you, clearly”
Minho was enjoying a little too much the sight of Jisung all worked up on this matter again that he didn’t realize Jeongin was staring at them with a questing look.
“So, where were we? Ah… yeah, another thing… Stop winking at me randomly all the time you know there’s no need to do fanservice when it’s just us in our dorm right?!” Jisung added meanwhile Jeongin really started to question his whole life choices made till now. These hyungs are weird…
“But you like it though…” Minho said while a sly smile creeped between his lips. Today he was determined to tease Jisung a little more than usual apparently.
“Who said that?”
“You”
“When?”
“Do I have to make you remember about that day when- mmh…” Minho froze suddenly unable to speak properly. Jisung had just jumped from his seat as fast as possible to shut Minho’s mouth with one hand and head locking him with the other, apparently really afraid he would spill some weird shit he didn’t want the others to know. Cause Minho could, he was shameless and unpredictable most of the time. And like this, suddenly, they found each other only a few inches apart. Inches apart. Each other warm breath on their faces. Frozen. Or to say it better, only Minho froze. Minho feared his heart was really going to explode this time. His whole body was burning like it was set on fire. He prayed Jisung didn’t catch the sudden stiffness in Minho’s movements or the sound of his hammering heart in his chest or that red color, that tinted his burning face up to his ears. He hoped the car was dark enough to hide it. He had to break Jisung’s strong hold as soon as possible, setting again a safe distance among them before it was too late.
“Ok-ok I remember- I admit it. Now, pls STOP teasing me! I’m tired too, not only Changbin hyung…” Luckily Jisung backed up right away plopping down on his seat, lifeless, freeing the really startled Minho. That was so close, Minho thought while regaining the ability to breathe and trying to look as unfazed as possible as if he wasn’t in a state of literal combust inside. He laughed trying to send away the awkwardness but he was genuinely happy to have got the reaction he wanted out of Jisung, even better actually, and both calmed down finally letting all the others get some rest too.
Silence filled the car, only broken by some few louder snores from time to time but nothing compared to the usual too loud yells. Only Minho couldn’t sleep. His heart was still pounding in his chest. Wide-awake and processing that Jisung’s hand was pressed on his lips just a few minutes ago. What he’d give away just to be the one to be able to kiss it, only god knew. Not that this was totally new. They had always used to flirt a lot, joke around a lot, they both never despised physical contact, hugged often, even cuddled… of course in a brotherly way but, since Minho started to realize those feelings were growing deeper and deeper, he tried to draw more and more lines in their relationship, distancing himself, wanting to avoid being fooled by Jisung clingy behavior and think, mistakenly, that those feelings could have been mutual. But today he did the exact opposite and, there he was, in a confusional state replaying in his head all the moments spent with Jisung that day. And they were definitely too many.
No. NO. Jisung just has that flirty behavior by default. Don’t be fooled, you stupid heart of mine.
Somehow, he finally fell asleep. He really needed some break from those consuming thoughts.
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“Hyung… are you asleep already?” Jisung whispered while gently opening the door of Minho’s room as soon as they came back to their dorm.
“Not yet… Why? Do you need something?”
“Just- I missed your cuddles… It has been quite a lot of time since… -you know-…” the last words where almost inaudible. Minho had probably never seen Jisung looking so small, so shy and so embarrassed in his whole life and it was simply too much to handle for his poor heart. He hardly suppressed the urge to jump out of bed, where he was laying trying to fall asleep again, just to hug him as tightly as possible, pinch his chubby cheeks and shower him with kisses all over his pretty face… his forehead, eyes, nose, cheeks, ears, neck… lips. His pretty heart-shaped plumped lips. Every inch of his well-built body...
Get a grip of yourself Minho!
“Hyung?? S-sorry I didn’t want to-”
Minho snapped out of trance, realizing he had been staring at Jisung leaning on the doorframe, not saying a word in the meantime, and tried to form a coherent sentence before it was too late. He needed to grasp this golden opportunity at all costs because, gosh… how much he missed Jisung cuddles, even too much. Definitely, the idea of trying to distance himself from Han turned out to be the worst one ever. The only consequence was desiring to have Jisung in his arms all for himself even more.
“N-no sorry. Please stay” Minho patted the empty half of the bed beside him “You are right. I’ve been too busy that I didn’t realize I neglected you” Not the entire truth but not a lie either.
“Don’t say that, I’ve been busy too. We’ve all been busy” Jisung replied while snuggling under the warmth of the blankets, tightly wrapped in Minho’s arms, his head rested on Minho’s chest, finally comfortable with the position.
Minutes passed. Neither of the two moved an inch, apart from Minho running his fingers through Jisung’s soft hair, subconsciously, inebriated by the sweet vanilla scent he loved so much. Only comfortable silence grew around them, but their minds had never been louder than in that moment. Both wanted to bring back the old times: when awkwardness had never been between them, never; when asking for an innocent cuddle wasn’t a big deal; when every unintentional physical contact didn’t put Minho in an uncomfortable state… yes, Jisung understood that something was off and started getting paranoid. Does he not want me anymore? Why? Did I do something wrong? Did I overstep his boundaries? And on top of all, why isn’t he sharing with me his worries? Minho used to trust me. Both wanted to talk about all those unfinished, mumbled sentences cut midway, probably out of cowardness, ending up just overthinking and making everything more awkward; those words that from time to time slipped away carelessly from the deepest of their heart that seemed to hold a whole new deeper meaning confusing them even more. But, both of them had always refused till now to acknowledge that their relationship was already changing and not for the best, at least for how things were going during the last months, hiding behind the lie of wanting to live peacefully as they always did. All of this bothered them so much, but for the sake of preserving this rare moment of apparent serenity, they were avoiding that serious talk. Until Jisung broke the silence.
“Minho hyung, why are you avoiding me nowadays? Did I do something wrong?” He lifted his head up a little in search of Minho’s eyes and, as soon as they made eye contact, Minho’s mind went blank. Completely. Apart from Jisung how can I explain it’s because the problem is literally YOU? You did nothing wrong… but… “You are just too handsome that I’m going craz-”
…Did I say this out loud? SHIT- I fucked up. Well now let’s just continue being bold as if I’m not dying inside.
“…w” “…w-wha…?” Jisung opened and closed his mouth a few times without being able to articulate a single coherent word. Being that close to Minho, basically wrapped around him, definitely, didn’t help at all. Was Minho-hyung being serious or was just his flirty behavior showing up? This train of thoughts stopped as soon as Jisung felt a hand cupping his chin and lifting his face up while Minho’s gaze was fixed on him, shamelessly roaming over his features, in a completely different way, hungry, full of lust and adoration, until they were inches apart. The tension was so thick that have could been cut into pieces. No one backed up. Minho didn’t know where he found that courage, probability out of being literally desperate, while Jisung was completely frozen. He had never really thought of his best friend in that way but somehow this idea didn’t seem that bad either, so he played along… I mean Minho was attractive, really, no argue on that.
Their eyes met. A thousand words were spoken just in that moment, way more meaningful than the ones they could have used if they had actually talked.
Minho couldn’t wait anymore. Eyes fixed on the tempting plump lips in front of him, he moved gently his fingers up to Jisung’s bottom lips tracing its prefect heart shape, processing that wasn’t a dream but he was, in fact, touching them for real. The poor boy had dreamt of this moment for too long, but it wasn’t how he expected it to be at all. The setting, how it happened, the way Jisung was reacting, everything was so different from the “perfect” confession he had planned in his head multiple times. But despite that the way this unfolded was actually the best he could have ever imagined. So unexpected yet so natural and intimate, without any beautiful landscape, or sun setting down in the sky like in the movies… no. Just them, in his simple and quite empty room of their dorm on a random, even tiring, day after work. The gap slowly shortened until their lips touched. So soft. More like a peak than a kiss. Minho suddenly backed up, as if the courage he had mustered up a little while ago, had vanished, suddenly realizing what he just did, fearing his world, the one with Jisung in it, had come to an end for his reckless action. Minho didn’t have the time to apologize nor run away nor hiding, playing it cool saying it was just nothing serious, that he feel Jisung grabbing the back of his head pulling him closer and smashing his lips on his again. Jisung wanted this too, Ji- Jisung wants this too! he repeated in his head not believing it was happening. And the consuming fire they kept inside each other finally broke out. Free. Not anymore the destructive force of a few hours before but a building passion growing more and more stronger at each movement of their linked lips.
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Chan entered the kitchen as a walking corpse. As usual he had pulled an all nigher hoping for an inspiration for the next hit. He desperately needed some coffee. Opened the door of the sideboard to take a cup, turned towards the coffee machine and there he stopped mid-air cause he didn’t realize the presence of the other two people in the room. Quite an amusing presence actually. Both looking so startled as if they had been caught doing something illegal. “Go get a room, jeez. I don’t want to deal with your shit even at 8 in the morning” he muttered while shaking his head continuing to prepare his quick breakfast. And then he realized it wasn’t the usual cute clingy friendly behaviour those two used to have. The air surrounding them was really different. The room was even filled with the pleasing scent of fresh pancakes, almost ready on the pan. Chan studied the two boys, that in the meantime had put some distance between them, very innocently. No. This is really weird... Why is Han even up at this early hour in the morning literally glowing?
Changbin peaked through the door “Chan! Finally, you are back from the studio how many times I told you not to pull an all nightery? Anyway, this is not the point. Have you seen they are finally together? It took them long enough to realize”
“I’ve seen. Sickening fr. They had always been sickening, imagine now. Help-” but despite the harsh words Chan was looking warmly at the two which were obviously embarrassed. They had been caught red handed kissing passionately not even after 24 hours since when they had promised to keep this relationship secret at least for a little while, fearing the others would react badly. “Hyung I told you it was risky in here” Han whispered “You’re too handsome in this pretty apron, I had to” Minho pulled him closer, slightly brushing his fingers on the bare skin of Jisung's waist, that had been exposed a little for the heating kissing session of some minutes before, and kissed him again, gently this time, when no one paid attention to them.
At least they thought.
“So finally no one backed up” Hyunjin said smirking at the sight. The news had reached everyone in the dorm in the span of a few minutes. No one was particularly surprised, a thing that left Minho and Jisung really surprised instead. Apart from Jeongin. Maybe still too young. He was the only one genuinely shocked, but everything made sense now even for him.
“Good! Now, you two, just behave in front of the fans” Chan added suddenly in leader mode “That’s all. And let’s prepare quickly cause today we have to shoot some content and we are already late”
Chapter 2: FORGET ME NOT
Notes:
This is sad and random so skip it if you don’t want to cry. Sorry but I love writing sad shit :) There is not much context I just wanted to write a sad letter...
Chapter Text
FORGET-ME-NOT
Han Jisung picked up from the floor the broken picture frame. That photo was the only thing that was left of the love of his life. He still wished it was all just a bad dream and he would wake up soon, wrapped in the comfortable and strong arms of his boyfriend. But it was all real. And he knew that. He just decided to ignore the heartbreaking reality. He couldn’t bear the idea of a world without his Minho beside him and with these thoughts roaming in his head he sat down on the cold floor in a crying mess. His gaze lingered on the two smiling boys interlocking their arms. They both looked so happy, unaware of what would have happened a few months later. A lonely tear ran down his puffy cheeks while he caressed the face of his love now forever trapped in 2D picture as if he wanted to bring him back to life.
“Min, why…? You promised you wouldn’t leave me…” he murmured while sobbing.
With trembling hands, he took out a little piece of paper he didn’t notice before, hidden behind the photo. What is this? …A letter…? He opened it as fast as his trembling hands allowed him to while being careful to not tear it apart for how tight it was folded. As soon as he recognized his lover’s handwriting, he froze. Was he strong enough to read it? Was he ready to face the truth he was trying to ignore so desperately? But curiosity had the best of him, he let out a deep sign to calm his poor racing heart down and started reading.
Dear Sungie,
I’m writing this in the hospital room, that’s where I am every time I disappear from time to time. Idk how to start this… Definitely I’m not good as you with words but I really want to let you know how much you mean to me before I say goodbye to this world. See? This is not even close to the thousands beautiful words you used to describe me in your songs but it’s the thought that counts right?
I’m sorry, I’m terribly sorry for lying to you from the deepest of my heart. I know I should have probably told you about my health conditions, but I wanted our last moments to be as joyful and cheerful as possible. The doctors said I didn’t have any possibility to recover with the cures available right now so the only reasonable thing I thought I could do was to just live as happily as possible our last days together. I was determined to use my last few glimpses of energy to love you with all myself. I wanted to experience a last small taste of happiness in this ungrateful world that wants us to be apart. Thinking of this right now I feel like I was extremely egoistic keeping you in the dark when we promised to share each other deepest secrets to overcome everything together but I didn’t want to see you cry over me, in front of me. Us, our dates, the time we spent together, the songs we sang to each other screamed at the karaoke… It was too wonderful, too dream-like. How is it even possible that such a lovely, amazing, handsome person like you fell in love with me?!… It couldn’t last long, I knew it… It was too perfect to become my daily life.
You must make a last promise to me… the last pinky-promise. You have to… for my sake… Please be happy, live happily… Live a happy life on my behalf… Don’t stop dancing nor singing since we used to do that together, I loved how you glowed while doing those things and I don’t want to see you wasting that talent of yours just cause you are sad thinking about me… Search for a life companion, get married, I won’t get mad, actually totally the opposite, I want you to move on from me, I’ll be dead in a few weeks probably, at least according to the doctors, and I won’t be able bear the sadness of seeing you spending your best years crying over a dead corpse.
I want you to know I don’t regret anything I’ve done, or not, in my little life. I may have lived only 23 years, but it was worth it all and I’ll be forever grateful to you for letting me experience what real love is. I actually consider myself as a lucky person to have found it even at such a young age… I want to reassure you I’m living my last days in peace with myself and the world. Remember how I loved walking in silence just listening to the sweet chants of the birds while surrounded by the nice scent of the flowers embracing all the beauty of nature around us? I’ve gone on long walks, since when I found out about my disease, and it helped me a lot sorting out my thoughts and emotions trying to accept this situation and finally at finding my inner peace again. Do that too, trust me… You’ll start to appreciate the beauty of the world again as I’m doing nowadays. There’s no point of being mad… that’s what the fate had in store for us.
Probably we simply weren’t meant to live happily together in this life so see you again in our next one, Jisungie.
…Actually I wonder if we will still look the same… Or maybe I’ll be reincarnated in a cat… well in this case pls adopt me I want to be cuddled and patted all the time, u know how clingy I am and how much I crave your hugs… Or maybe it will be the other way around, me as a human and you as a little cute squirrel… I will keep in mind to search for the most adorable, smallest one stuffing the food in his chubby cheeks in the cutest way possible filling them so much that the urge to pinch them will be too strong, that’s how I’m gonna recognize it’s you… Who knows… But I’m sure we are gonna meet again.
Just… Don’t forget me, Han Jisung, cause there’s no way I’m gonna forget about you.
With Love,
Your Min.
And a really small blue flower, a forget-me-not, that apparently was left inside the letter, fell down on Jisung’s lap.
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Now every time Jisung took a walk in the park he would remember of his first love while looking at those little blue flowers, so pretty and precious but that at the lightest touch would break and disappear carried away by the wind… like his Minho did that beautiful sunny day.