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Language:
English
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Published:
2024-08-25
Updated:
2024-08-25
Words:
2,466
Chapters:
2/30
Comments:
11
Kudos:
13
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503

My Many Loves and How We All Died

Summary:

My time at this college has been the closest I have ever been to achieving happiness. The lessons, laying in Julian’s office, the scent of herbal tea in the air and the feel of oriental carpet against my palm; the bacchanals, pure animal ecstasy I traded in for the very morals I once held dear; my many loves — my dear Richard with whom I spent days driving down Californian roads with, Bunny when he kissed me until the sun set low on a frigid winter’s landscape, Henry’s senseless promises of a life far away in a nameless European country, playing the piano for Camilla until she beckoned me over with the prettiest eyes I had ever seen, clinking glasses with Francis until our drunken stupor sent us both into a senseless haze, and when I saved Charles life, which in turn saved mine. It was a cruel fate that these moments where I had felt the most bliss and joy soon compiled into the disaster that was my greatest regret.

Perhaps true happiness does not exist at all.

Notes:

Before we begin, I want to say a few things:

1) Disclaimer: "The Secret History" does not belong to me and belongs to Donna Tartt, rightfully. This is only fanfiction and this is just for fun. I also don’t know anything about Greek and Latin and the other languages mentioned, nor the writings of ancient philosophers and such, so don’t take any of this seriously. This is just a fun little story.

2) Warnings: mature content, sexually explicit content, explicit gore/murder/violence, toxic relationships/mentality, incestuous relationships, substance abuse, abusive relationships, abuse in general, etc. At the beginning of every chapter, there will be a warning for anything I think might be triggering (feel free to let me know if I missed anything). The gist of it is - everyone, including you, sucks.

3) I want to dedicate this story to "troubledsoul". It was that silly (but amazing, and beautifully written) Bunny x reader story that convinced me to publish a little something on here. So thank you!

4) Reader is meant to represent everyone, but I do write her with the slight implication that she is colored. That’s only because I am. Don’t worry, it doesn’t affect the story too much. Just throwing that out there.

and 5) I probably won't finish this lol. Sorry in advance!

12/20/24 - This story is discontinued.

Chapter 1: A Summary of Afterthoughts

Summary:

reader mulls over the past

Chapter Text

I liked to imagine Bunny as follows: him in the snow, lying in the cold with his eyes wide open, rigor mortis setting in, his soft blond hair frozen in near perfect waves, and a crack of blood streaming from down his forehead to under his chin. The true image was probably more bloody and gruesome than I dared think of, and more often than not I felt bad for romanticizing his murder, but who would want to think of their lover so crudely after death? It was my way of coping, I suppose. Picture him like he was in one of those Greek paintings we studied in Julian’s class, trying to live with the fact that I never brought him the justice he deserved. Nature had its own way of tying up loose ends, and when all the dust settled, I came to think of everything that had happened as a poor man's fable.

Maybe things could have been different. But they weren’t, and I could do nothing about it now.