Archive of Our Own ^beta

Yuuji feels like there is no one in the world guiltier than he is. Despite having Sukuna in his head and Choso by his side, he still feels… alone.  

It has been every night since then. Vivid nightmares of bodies he doesn’t want to see, screams he doesn’t want to hear, blood he doesn’t want to taste.  

Sukuna finds such great joy in it though, seeing Yuuji all tormented and broken.   

If only Yuuji could shut him up.  

Instead, he needs to lay here, in an almost crushed building Choso decided to call shelter for the night.   

Yuuji lays on his side, curled up in a ball and stares ahead of him. Choso is lying on his back, eyes closed, but he knew he wasn’t asleep. Choso hardly sleeps.  

The teen shuts his eyes tight as Sukuna taunts him with more and more memories, curses, nightmares. He can’t take any more of this. Any minute now he might yell his mind off.  

But he doesn’t. He doesn’t want to worry Choso.  

Yuuji was hesitant at first to accept the half curse claiming to be his brother. But after wandering around the ruins of Shibuya for 2 weeks in hiding, he’s grown to appreciate Choso’s company. He knows Choso cares about him. Too much sometimes. It’s like being an older brother is his only personality trait.  

Yuuji cares for Choso too, but something about him still refuses to confide in him completely, to be honest with how he feels about his life. Himself.  

Too much for you, isn’t it? Sukuna chides. Why don’t you go get some fresh air? You’re not needed here.  

Shut up, Yuuji commands, and Sukuna smirks What, you afraid I’ll wreak havoc?  

I said: Shut. Up.   

Sukuna remains quiet, but Yuuji can tell his suggestion is ghosting in the back of his mind. It feels tempting.  

Maybe I’m overthinking. So, I will go outside. But not because you suggested it.  

Yuuji knows he’s lying. He wishes he could be smarter.  

He quietly gets up from his spot on the floor and much to his expectation, Choso opens his eyes and sits up immediately.  

“Yuuji?” he asks. “Where are you going?”  

“Just to pee. I’ll be back.” The teen answers with a dry smile.   

Choso seems hesitant, but he nods after consideration. “Don’t stray so far.”  

“I won’t.” I will.  

Yuuji doesn’t know where he’s going, but he knows he needs to get far from Choso. He can’t be around him. Not when Sukuna could go crazy at any time and hurt him.  

The teen gets out of the building and wanders around the streets. It’s almost dawn. The black sky is starting to get whitish on the horizon. It helps a little to see the path in front of him.  

Yuuji feels numb as he walks through the rubble. Every stone he kicks and breath he takes, there’s a Sukuna memory paired with it, as if to show what exactly happened in the very area he was walking in.  

Stop. Please stop showing me this.  

Blood. People. Death. Screaming. Blood. Blood. Blood.  

Stop it.  

Dust flying. People crushed. Red stained the walls.  

Please just stop.  

No, Yuuji. You must feel the pain. Feel the grief and utter madness of me.  

Never!  

Yuuji is aware he’s crying now. He runs up, up, up, to the highest building he sees, stepping over rubble and rocks to get to the top.  

He peers over the edge and gulps at how small everything is below him.  

You know you want to do it.  

Stop. Stop. Stop. Yuuji thinks.  

But what about your friends? And Choso? Don’t you want to protect them.  

And Yuuji really wants to protect them. He’s desperate for any chance to keep them safe.  

But what if Sukuna somehow gets out because of this? Would he be able to find a new host? Or will he die with Yuuji? The fact Sukuna is chiding him to makes Yuuji settle on the former.  

You can. Do it.  

No. I won’t listen to you again.   

I won’t, I won’t, I won-  

“YUUJI!”  

The boy is immediately tugged away from the edge of the building that he is aware he was teetering over a second ago.  

“Yuuji!” Choso’s voice is filled with concern and worry. He turns the boy around to face him. “Are you okay? Are you hurt?” he asks, gently scanning him for any injuries.  

Yuuji doesn’t answer, instead staring wide-eyed ahead of him, not even looking at Choso.  

Damn it! You could’ve done it, brat!  

Shut up. 

“Yuuji…”  

Choso squeezes his shoulders, gently encouraging him to say something. Yuuji finally looks up with teary, sad, defeated eyes.  

“I don’t… I don’t know what to do anymore...”  

His voice comes out so tired and pathetic. Yuuji loathes it.  

Weakling.  

Choso’s eyes soften with an expression of empathy and concern. They tell Yuuji he’s listening.  

The boy’s voice and body start to shake. “I can’t do this… anymore… Choso... everything is my fault. W-What am I going to do?!”  

Yuuji can’t hold it any longer and starts to sob harshly. A wail threatens to climb out of his throat before Choso pulls him into a tight embrace.  

“Oh, Yuuji…”   

The teen clings onto Choso like a lifeline, realizing the weight of what he might have done a minute ago.  

“Choso, no … I’ll hurt you…”  

“Ssh, it’s okay. You won’t. You’re safe now.” He whispers softly, running a hand through Yuuji’s hair.  

Yuuji hates all this. He hates being pathetic. He hates crying. He hates this loneliness, guilt, and regret. He feels like he hates everything in the world right now.   

“It’s all because of me that all those people are dead...” Yuuji wails into Choso’s shoulder. “And Kugisaki and Nanamin and Gojo-sensei , and everyone ....”  

Yuuji keeps on crying and Choso keeps holding on to him. He lowers them both down and gathers Yuuji in his lap, rocking him side to side like he’s a baby.  

Yuuji feels like he doesn’t deserve to be treated with such tenderness and love. He doesn’t deserve Choso. He doesn’t deserve anything.  

Yet here he is, being cradled like a broken child.  

He looks up at Choso with red-rimmed eyes. “I’m so sorry, Choso... I-I wasn’t t-thinking...”  

“It’s okay, Yuuji.” Choso gives a small smile and kisses Yuuji’s forehead, and it feels so familiar, so warm, like his grandfather used to before he grew up and his grandfather became hospitalized.  

“I know you’re going through alot right now. It’s hard. But I’m here to help you. Even if you just need to talk. I’m here, Yuuji.” Choso lays his head against the teen’s.  

“I may not be able to solve all your problems, but I don’t want you to be alone. Please don’t isolate yourself, okay? I’m here.”  

Yuuji nods and sobs tearfully, burying his face in Choso’s shoulder and letting his brother hold him like he’s a child again.  

They sit there until the sun rises above the horizon.  

Perhaps Yuuji doesn’t need to feel alone anymore.  

The End