Actions

Work Header

Rating:
Archive Warnings:
Category:
Fandom:
Relationships:
Characters:
Additional Tags:
Language:
English
Stats:
Published:
2024-07-26
Updated:
2024-12-28
Words:
70,844
Chapters:
20/?
Comments:
286
Kudos:
681
Bookmarks:
141
Hits:
16,562

And I'll Try To Make My Menace Into Someone You'd Adore

Summary:

Katsuki is sick of being seen only as rough and abrasive for his attitude, and his friends don’t make it any easier, so he decides to change it by starting to volunteer at a hospital in the city, in hopes to bring out a gentler part of himself.

There, he meets Rei Himura, not realizing who she is right away. Katsuki quickly becomes close with her, not only with Rei, but with her other children too. Yet, he's still clueless about her being his classmate Shouto Todoroki's mother.

Meanwhile, Shouto is dealing with his own demons. On top of feeling broken and scarred from his past, his life starts falling apart and he sees himself falling back into old bad habits as his father resurfaces, trying to take him away from his siblings.

For some odd reason, or perhaps because the volunteering is making Katsuki see the world differently, he starts noticing Shouto's odd behavior and gradually starts to approach him. As they grow closer, feelings start to bloom.

This is going to be a story about how broken things can be fixed, and even if you can see the cracks in them, they still look beautiful regardless.

Notes:

Hello!! I've had two chapter fics in the works for a while now, and this /wasn't/ one of them, but then Gold told me about this fic that's been living in her brain for years and I said thank you, I will take that. Please, please mind the tags, because this will get dark. I hope it is loved as much by others as it is by us <3 You can check us out on twitter if you'd like!
Me
Gold

Chapter 1: Thank You, Stranger, For Your Therapeutic Smile

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

“So I sat with him a while 
and then I asked him how he felt
He said, ‘I think I'm cured
No, in fact, I'm sure of it
Thank you, stranger
for your therapeutic smile’
So that is how I learned the lesson 
that everyone is alone.”

Bowl of Oranges - Bright Eyes

 

Katsuki stares at the piece of paper he's been given. The words ‘Rei Himura room 4910’ stares back at him. He wonders if he really wants to do this as he stands outside the hospital. He swallows nervously before approaching the sliding doors and walking inside. A tan woman with long white hair sits behind the front desk, appraising him like he's here to cause trouble. He rolls his eyes and walks up to the desk. 

“It's my first day of volunteer hours. Do I need to sign in or anything?” He questions and she raises an eyebrow. 

“You here for community service hours?” His lip curls up in agitation at the question. 

“No! I'm just trying to be a good fucking person!” he spits before reigning in his temper. 

“Does it make a difference anyways?” he asks slightly calmer. 

“It does, you'll sign this clipboard then.” She says, sliding it across the desk to him. Katsuki snatches it up before scribbling his name across the next open box. He slams it back down as the lady smirks at him and takes it back behind the desk. 

“Where's room 4910?” He asks quieter this time. 

“Elevators are behind you. Go to the 4th floor and follow the signs when you get there.” He nods his understanding and walks away.

The elevator comes quickly and he steps inside, pressing the button for the 4th floor. He repeats the name in his head along with the room number, not wanting to mix them up. He knows the 4th floor is mainly for patients who are recovering from, essentially, a mental collapse, and he'd hate to make anything worse, and confuse someone by going to the wrong room, or getting the woman's name wrong.

The doors open to a sterile white hallway that reeks of disinfectant. He thinks this may be the most depressing place he's ever been. He sighs and turns left like the signs indicate and quickly finds Rei’s room at the end of the hallway. He knocks, and it seems like forever until the doorknob turns and nervous gray eyes peek at him. 

“Oh, you must be a new volunteer?” she says before opening the door further and offering a gentle smile. He nods before introducing himself. 

“Bakugou Katsuki.” He says with a small bow. She smiles wider and giggles quietly. It's a lovely quiet sound, but it also sounds like she doesn't laugh often. 

“Himura Rei.” She responds, bowing back. He's not exactly known for gentleness, but he offers her a soft smile, as she gestures for him to come into the room. He looks around the small, clean room and doesn't see much in the way of personal belongings. No family pictures, no knick-knacks, just four empty walls, a bed and some cabinets. 

He doesn't know what to say and suddenly it feels awkward. He can't help but wonder why he's even here. He's not a comforting person. He's just some annoying brat, and here he is in some traumatized woman's room, probably going to end up making her time here worse. A gentle voice drags him out of his self-deprecating tangent. 

“Do you know how to play Hanafuda?” Rei asks, almost startling Katsuki. 

“I've heard of it. Never really played, but I've seen my parents play it.” Katsuki answers with a shrug. She pulls a box out of a drawer, weathered and well-loved. She starts laying out the pieces as she explains the set-up to him. He watches silently, listening to her instructions. He doesn't tell her that he does know how the game works, well enough that he probably could play without instructions after years of watching his parents play. He just listens. 

When she finishes explaining, he takes the seat across from her and they start playing. He loses himself in the game, his competitive nature coming out as he moves cards where they need to go, but eventually he comes out of his focused state and realizes Rei had already won. He looks up at her and meets her eyes. There's something familiar in them, but he brushes it off. 

“Rematch. I only lost because I've never played before.” He challenges and the woman smiles, wider than he'd seen since he's been here. Her eyes crinkle in the corners and it reminds him of his own mom. She begins collecting the cards and redistributes them again. 

The next few hours pass the same. Rei sets up a new match and Katsuki loses until finally, he slams his cards down victoriously. 

“HA! Take that!” He says, louder than necessary, but losing doesn't come easy to him, and technically his volunteer hours ended over an hour ago. He should be home by now, helping his mom make dinner. It was worth it though, and she can't be too mad at him, right? Spending extra free time with a woman who probably spends the majority of her time alone. 

Rei seems amused when he looks at her, like his outburst was funny to her. It makes him smile, probably the most natural he has since he's been here. It's too wide and probably a little feral looking, but it's him. 

“Thank you for spending the afternoon with me. I'm glad you enjoyed the game, Bakugou.” She says, and Katsuki nods. 

“It really was nice. I do have to get going though, I technically should've left a while ago.” He says, a hand on the back of his neck. She nods in understanding though, like she expected that. 

“Oh I know. Most volunteers don't stay for more than an hour. I hope to see you again soon, though.”

“I'll be here once a week.” He answers and she nods. 

“That's great! They'll probably have you with a new person next week though.” Rei explains and Katsuki's eyebrows furrow. He doesn't like that, he doesn't want to have to meet a new person in this facility every week, that sounds exhausting. 

“You'll probably be back visiting with me next month. They seem to rotate the volunteers through the same 4 or 5 people.” 

Katsuki just nods, and gives a grunt of acknowledgement. He's still not happy about that, but 4 or 5 people won't be bad, just may take some getting used to. They exchange goodbyes after this and Katsuki makes his way to the entrance of the building. He stops at the desk to sign himself out. 

“I stayed past my hours, is that a problem?” He asks, raising an eyebrow. 

“Course you did. Overachiever.” She says with a smirk. “Not a problem at all. Always glad to have people that like the work.”

He grins to himself as he scribbles his name along with his time of departure in the box next to where he signed in. 

“Kay see ya next week.” Katsuki says, sliding the clipboard back at the lady and waving as he walks away. 

He calls his mom as he leaves the building and she answers on the first ring. 

“An hour, Katsuki Bakugou? Where the hell are you?” Katsuki rolls his eyes, but he's grateful his mom can't see him as he grins at her greeting. 

“We were playing Hanafuda, alright?! And she kept winning and I couldn't fucking leave till I won at least a round!” He argues, and his mom laughs on the other end. 

“I should've known you got competitive. Fine brat, dinner’s on you tomorrow.” He scoffs. 

“Whatever, hag! I'm walking back now, be home soon.” He says, pulling his phone away from his ear, disconnecting the call. 

-

The next week is relatively the same. He goes in and is heckled by the woman at the front desk, and he goes to a patient's room and spends at least an hour with them. This woman is older than Rei, and when he comes to her room, he finds her lying in bed knitting. She offers to teach him and he wonders how hard can it really be. 

The answer is very hard. The yarn keeps getting twisted around itself, and falling off the needles, and every time he thinks he's getting somewhere it falls apart. He considers bringing the pair of needles to school with him and melting them. That'd make him feel better. 

“That's alright, it's not for everyone, dear.” She says sweetly, and he feels his face scrunch up in agitation. 

“No, s’fine, I'll get it.” He mutters and she laughs next to him as she continues working. He gives up for now and watches her work, whatever she's making is on the small side, it's about as wide as her lap as she continues in adding rows.

“What are you making anyways?” He asks, genuinely curious.

“I make baby blankets, and they donate them to maternity wards in the area.” His eyebrows go up, slightly surprised. 

“Oh.” Is all he says, as the room is plunged into silence. He undoes the yarn that he'd mangled and starts from the beginning. 

By the time his hour is up, he leaves with a small ball of yarn and two knitting needles. She was impressed by his determination and insisted he take some, so he could ‘show her what he made next time he visits’.

The week after that he ends up in a Veteran’s room. The man seems incredibly excited to see a new face as he launches into some old war stories. Katsuki listens intently, as the man rattles on extensively. He tells him about how he lost the man he loved when he bled out on the beach from a gunshot wound. Katsuki thinks he feels his own heart break as he soaks up his words. He can't imagine. 

By the time he leaves that day he feels different, a little older, and a little smarter in a way he'd never thought about before. He feels lucky to be trusted and confided in. 

The week after is much more brief and ends up making up for the extra time he's spent with some of his visits. 

They threw shit at him. He shudders at the thought and is grateful the administration immediately removed him from his volunteer list. He ends up stopping by Rei’s room with the free time. He's not sure why exactly, but he's incredibly fascinated by her. 

When he knocks, he hears shuffling on the other side of the door before a younger woman opens it. He's slightly taken aback by the woman with similar white hair to Rei’s with red highlights throughout.

“Oh, sorry, I'm a volunteer with the hospital-” Katsuki starts to explain before Rei steps behind the girl in the doorway. 

“Oh Bakugou! Fuyumi, this is the boy I was telling you about.” The girl smiles at that, and widens the door. 

“Oh hello! I'm Fuyumi, nice to meet you.” She says, introducing herself. He nods.

“Bakugou Katsuki.”

“They didn't tell me you'd be visiting today?” Rei says, confused. 

“I know, I'm sorry. There was a mishap with the patient I was supposed to visit and they've been taken off my list.” Katsuki explains, a hand on the back of his neck, as he looks away.

“It wasn't Chisaki, was it?” Rei asks and Katsuki blinks a few times. 

“Is this a regular occurrence?!” He snaps as Fuyumi stands behind her mom giggling. 

“It seems to be some kind of initiation, or maybe they just think he'll warm up to someone eventually.” Rei says calmly and Katsuki sighs wearily. 

“No one was gonna warn me?!”

“To be fair, you didn't ask.” Katsuki nearly balks before he recognizes a twinkle in her eye. She's picking on him right now. 

“Listen here, next time I'm using you as a human shield.” Katsuki grumbles, before throwing himself against the wall. 

“I can go since you have a visitor.” He offers pointing over his shoulder towards the door. 

“Fuyumi, do you mind if Bakugou stays to visit? He can be rather entertaining.” Katsuki's jaw drops.

“Okay, listen here, I'll be a lot worse than entertaining-” Katsuki starts before the two women giggle at his outburst. He blinks as his cheeks heat up. 

“Fine, laugh at me, see if I care! Let me beat you in Hanafuda now.” He mutters sitting down at the table they played at a few weeks ago. She smiles and nods, pulling out the box. He's been spending some time at home playing with his parents to practice. He can't lose 12 times in a row again. She sets the cards up while Fuyumi talks to her mother about her life. He figures out that she's got at least a couple of brothers and that she's a teacher. 

“Bakugou, where do you go to school?” He's caught off guard by the question as he tries to focus on the game. 

“Don't think you can distract me right now. Ask me when I win.” He answers, never taking his eyes off the cards. Suddenly though, Rei’s hands are empty, and she's won the third round in a row. He groans in frustration and glares at the woman across from him. 

“You're cheating, there's no way you're this good at this game.” He says, annoyed. She smiles as she begins putting the cards away. 

“I've had a lot of time to practice.” She explains quietly and he can see some sadness in Fuyumi's eyes. Katsuki internally curses himself. ‘Great fucking job, moron.’

“I'm sorry, I didn't mean-” She shakes her head with a kind smile. 

“Please, don't feel bad, that was not my intention. I hope you'll play more with me until I won't have to let you win anymore.” His jaw drops again and he can hear Fuyumi giggling behind her hand.

“Whatever! Enjoy your gigglefest, I'm going home!” Katsuki says, waving behind him as he heads for the door. There's more giggles behind him before he gets a goodbye. 

“Thank you for stopping by Bakugou, I'll see you in a couple weeks!”

He waves again, before making his way towards the elevator. He stops in the lobby and stomps up to the receptionist. 

“You couldn't have warned me that someone was gonna throw shit at me?!” He snaps. The woman looks up at him and laughs loudly at his question. 

“Hoo buddy, you got Chisaki today? Man, I can't believe they still assign people to him.” 

“How long has this been a problem?!” He asks, throwing his hands in the air in frustration.

“Longer than you can imagine. Oh boy that's hilarious.”

“Glad everyone thinks my suffering is comedy gold. Guess I'll see you next week, but if someone else throws shit at me, we're gonna have problems.” Katsuki mutters, walking out the front door. 

The next week he's sent to the children's ward, which is… Weird. Shimura Tenko is his name. After he's led to the children's area, he finds the kid in a room for arts and crafts. He's hunched over a table furiously scribbling… Hands? Katsuki watches from over his shoulder, not wanting to interrupt in case he makes the kid mess up. 

The hands are really well drawn, especially for someone so young. He notices that his free hand is scratching at several bandaged areas of his body. It makes him feel a little sick, wondering what the hell this kid went through. Suddenly he hears the sound of him dropping his pencil, which gives Katsuki a chance to speak up. 

“Those are, uh, pretty good kid.” His head whips around to meet Katsuki and his eyes are hauntingly empty. 

“Th-thanks.” He mutters quietly as Katsuki goes to the other side of the table to sit across from him. 

“I'm a new volunteer, Bakugou Katsuki.” He says, introducing himself. The kid doesn't respond as he begins to furiously sketch another hand. 

“Mind if I knit while you draw?” He asks and with a barely seen shake of his head Katsuki starts practicing his knitting. He gets lost in the activity when he hears a quiet voice. 

“Can you take me to get ice cream?” Katsuki's head flies up in surprise before he looks back down at the mangled yarn in his hands. He sighs, shoving it in his bag. 

“Kid, I definitely can not take you out of this hospital. I'm not even an adult.” Katsuki explains and the kid looks up from the table. 

“Alright, can you get me some ice cream then?” Katsuki laughs and nods his head.

“I'll see what I can do next time I visit, alright?”

Tenko hums softly, but doesn't respond otherwise before he takes the paper he'd been sketching on and crumples it up, throwing it in a trash can that's overflowing with similar pages. 

“Hey, why’d you do that?!” Katsuki asks, shocked. The drawings were incredibly impressive. Deku would probably like to have seen them. 

“Not good enough. They're never right.” He mutters and Katsuki watches him dig at his bandages, nails scratching under the tightly wound fabric. 

“Hey, take it easy, you're gonna hurt yourself.” Katsuki says but commenting on it only seems to make it worse. He tightens his lips and looks around for hospital staff, this doesn't seem like something he should be handling himself. There's no one around though and Katsuki starts panicking internally before he opens up his phone. 

“Hey, you wanna see my friends' drawings?” Katsuki asks, and Tenko’s fingers slow down. 

“Hm?” He says leaning forward as Katsuki opens up his phone gallery. 

“Here, it's just a short comic, you can swipe right 3 times for the rest of it.” The kid is quickly enamored and Katsuki's chest burns with a strange sense of relief and pride. Everything's okay. 

The hour is up before he knows it and the kid asks him an endless number of questions about Deku’s work. He'll have to get more photos for next time. He stops at the front desk again, talking to the receptionist after signing himself out. He took a moment to peek at her name; Usagiyama Rumi.

“Hey, you can't tell me about the patients, can you?” She looks at him curiously, but shakes her head.

“Nah kid. Even if I know something, it's confidential. Someone caught your interest?”

“Shimura Tenko.” Katsuki says, and he can see sadness in the woman's eyes. 

“He’s got a sad story. Sorry kid, good luck.” Katsuki nods, feeling disappointed as he makes his way to the exit. He stops as the doors open and he turns back.

“Hey, am I allowed to bring in food for any of the patients?” She looks at him with a raised eyebrow.

“Who and what?”

“Tenko. He wants ice cream.” She laughs, a fond look on her face.

“All I can tell you is that you’d have to check with his doctor.”

Katsuki just nods, as he turns around and walks out.

Notes:

Thanks for reading!

We also have an ongoing playlist for it!

Chapter 2: You Got Hope, I Got Respect

Notes:

Hello!! Thank you for all the love in the previous chapter! Here's an update to introduce the other half of BKTD 😋❤️

Hayz
Gold

Chapter Text

“This whole thing feels like a fraud
Got sick of all the danger
Had to put it down
I got good at biting strangers
You got hope
Tattooed on your throat
And I got respect
The side of my neck
And we're both trying.”

Emotional - The Front Bottoms

Shouto flies through the door of his family's little apartment. 

“Did she leave?!” He asks, hair a mess from the way he rushed home. Dried clay stuck underneath his fingernails from the project he'd lost himself in at the end of the school day. Natsuo looks in from the kitchen disappointed. 

“Yeah, sorry man. She wouldn't have made it in time to take mom to dinner if she'd waited any longer.” His older brother explains. Shouto kicks his shoes off in annoyance and stomps off to his room. He understands, but it still sucks. He doesn't get to see his mom often as it is, and he had important things to tell her, and photos of his work he wanted to show her, but instead he got too entranced in his work and now he's missed his chance till at least next week. 

He grabs his headphones from his bag and turns up his music, to start working on some homework. He opens up his sketchbook and turns to a page with ideas for his next project. He's supposed to make something using the sculptor's wheel. He's thinking about using inspiration from traditional pieces, but he isn't completely sure. He sketches another pot using his phone for a reference when he sees his door open from the corner of his eye. The headphones are pulled from his head as Touya ruffles his hair. 

“Hey, broody teenager. Turn the fucking music down so you can hear people talking to you.” He says, dropping the headphones into Shoutos lap. He rolls his eyes, letting out a quiet apology despite being annoyed at the interruption. 

“How was school?” Touya asks, dropping into his desk chair and Shouto raises an eyebrow. Touya only makes small talk when something’s going on. 

“Fine. What do you need to tell me?” Shouto asks, with a raised eyebrow. Touya sighs, looking away, he seems like he's struggling with what he needs to say.

“Dad's trying to get custody of you again.” Shouto immediately feels all the color drain from his face. 

“He what?” Shouto asks, jaw clenched. 

“Hey, hey it's fine. You live in a house with three adults now, all employed and in college. It'll go better this time.” Shouto takes a shaky breath and nods. 

“Okay, alright. You're sure?” He asks and Touya nods. 

“Have I ever let you down??” His older brother asks and Shouto raises an eyebrow.

“Don't answer that. Yumi’s bringing home soba to say sorry for seeing mom without you, so be out in a half hour for dinner, m’kay?” Shouto laughs and nods. 

“Yeah fine.” He says burrowing his nose in his sketchbook. 

Before he knows it, the half hour has passed, and he finds his family in the kitchen with open boxes of take out. 

“Hey honey, I'm sorry I couldn't wait for you.” Fuyumi says and Shouto can hear the guilt in her voice. He nods solemnly as he sits down. 

“It's alright. I'm sorry I got lost in my school work and missed seeing mom.” 

“Don't worry about it, Shou, you'll see her next week. I'm glad you're enjoying your classes though, it's good!” She says with an encouraging smile. 

“You should see the sketches he was working on when I had to barge into our room earlier.” Touya says, a fond smile on his face. Shouto looks at his older brother and sticks his tongue out. 

“What?!” Touya asks with a laugh. “They were good!”

Shouto rolls his eyes. 

“Drawing is not where my talent lies.” He says, and the table erupts with laughter. 

“You're certainly a better sculptor, but that's not because you're bad at drawing, you're just incredibly skilled with ceramics.” Natsuo says with a chuckle. Shouto’s face burns at the attention, as he just shrugs. 

“Mom is so proud and excited that you're at UA for the arts. She was worried that father might have worn you down.”

The mention of their father leaves a bad taste in his mouth, as he shovels in another bite. 

“I've got no interest in business or politics, or doing anything he wants me to do.” He mutters, and Touya snickers, bumping Shouto’s shoulder with his. 

“Hey, me either, buddy.” Shouto smirks letting out a nervous laugh. He'll go see his mom right after school next week and it'll be fine. 

-

Shouto leans over the pottery wheel, elbows dug into his knees to hold the vase he's working on steady. He wraps fingers around the rim and gently pinches it, widening the opening. He reaches inside and drags up the walls, pulling the clay out to continue widening the top. His hands grip the base of the vase and he grabs a damp sponge, pressing it against the outer walls to smooth out the surface. He supports one side with his free hand, while pressing the sponge to the opposite side as it spins under his touch. Suddenly, a loud voice interrupts his work, startling him as his hands involuntarily clench around the pot. He watches in devastation as the clay collapses beneath his hands, turning into a gray lump on the wheel. 

“Todoroki! Did you not hear-” Midoriya's voice catches in his throat. 

“Oh my God, oh no, I'm so sorry-” Shouto sighs as he grabs the clay cutter and runs it underneath the clump that's stuck to the wheel, to put it back with the block. 

“It's fine. Everything's fine. I needed lunch anyways.” He says with a huff. His eye twitches as he slams the chunk of clay in with the block he'd gotten it from. 

“Is everything alright otherwise…?” Midoriya asks, and Shouto feels his shoulders slump. He'd slept like shit the night before, worrying about his whole custody battle, and now he was going to have to start this project from scratch. 

“My father's trying to get custody of me.” Shouto says bluntly and Midoriya's eyes widen dramatically. 

“Oh no. Does Touya need any character witnesses or anything? I'm sure my mom could vouch for him, if you'd like!” He offers and it feels nice to have a friend that cares so deeply for him. He smiles and shakes his head. 

“I don't think there will be a problem this time. Touya and I spoke last night and he explained that because he and Yumi and Natsu are all employed adults, especially with Yumi having a degree and Natsu being in school, there shouldn't be any issues.” He explains to his friend as they enter the line inside the cafeteria. Midoriya nods, listening intently.

“I’m glad you’re all in a good place right now. I know last time didn’t go as well.” Midoriya says, grabbing a piece of cake and placing it on his tray. Shouto’s mouth waters at the sight, and he wishes he could get a piece, wishes he had money for more than the bare minimum most days. He grabs the same thing he gets every day and follows Midoriya to the table they sit at. He smiles at their friends as they sit down together. 

“Here.” Midoriya says putting the piece of cake down in front of Shouto. He blinks at it and turns to his friend.

“What? I’m not taking your cake, Midoriya.” Shouto says, pushing the plate back towards his friend.

“Oh, yes you are. I ruined your project, and your father’s trying to ruin your life more than he has. Take the cake before I feed it to you.” Shouto rolls his eyes at the ‘threat’ as he takes the plate.

“Well, thank you.” He says, bumping his friend, Midoriya smiles with a mouth full of food, and it makes Shouto laugh at the ridiculous face.

“What’s going on with your father?” Momo asks from across the table, genuine concern in her eyes.

“He’s just trying to get custody of me.” Shouto explains quickly. Her eyes widen in surprise, and the table grows quiet at the subject.

“Well, my father takes several pro-bono cases a year, please don’t hesitate to let me know if you guys need any legal help.” She says, and the support of his friends is overwhelming. Growing up Shouto never thought he’d be surrounded by so many people who were so selfless and kind. He's always had his siblings, but for a long time he thought they might be it. 

“Thank you Momo, that's very kind.” He says with a smile.

Shouto doesn't talk much after that, as he focuses on eating his lunch. He’s got a free period afterwards and he really needs to work on this project now that he’s lost all his progress. A tray dropping down across from him makes him jump as he looks up to see Bakugou joining them. 

“Halfie.” The blond says with a nod.

“Bakugou.” He returns, before turning his attention back to his food.

“Deku, you got any more panels you’ve drawn?” Bakugou asks, and Midoriya nearly starts vibrating in his seat. 

“Yes! Would you like to see them?” He asks, and Shouto doesn’t hear a response, but the other boy pulls his sketchbook out. Shouto turns his attention to his friend's work, and smiles at the detailed drawings of heroes and villains. It appears to be the middle of a battle, and Midoriya is animatedly pointing to different panels, and explaining what’s happening in each scene, as Bakugou pulls out his phone, to take some pictures. This isn’t abnormal for them and Shouto enjoys his friends' passion.

“Yo, Kacchan, why do you have giant needles in your bag?” Kaminari asks, dropping down in the seat next to Bakugou. Shouto looks up, interest piqued as the blonds face goes about 3 different shades of red.

“Mind your own fucking business, spark plug!” Katsuki says, yanking his bag out of Kaminari’s hands and zipping it shut. He meets Shouto’s eyes, and they hold the contact for a moment, before Katsuki scowls at him.

“Got a problem?” He snarls, and Shouto just shrugs. 

“Do you knit?” He asks, and Katsuki looks like he might pop a blood vessel.

“Don’t fucking worry about it, bastard!” Katsuki barks, throwing his bag at his own feet.

He shrugs, finishing the last bite of his meal, before excusing himself from the table, and returning to the pottery room.

-

Katsuki walks into class and slumps into the seat at his lab table. Hatsume is across from him, furiously scribbling notes in her book. He watches her with a raised eyebrow, before she slams the notebook down, and looks at him with a wild expression.

“Ah perfect, you're here! I was thinking that for our next lab project we could do something with thermodynamics.” Katsuki grins.

“Now you’re speaking my language. What’d you have in mind?”

“I was thinking of using explosions to-”

“Alright class has begun, conversations over for now.” Aizawa says, starting their lecture. Hatsume turns her body slightly to face their teacher. He gives them the briefing for criteria for their next project, and tells them the rest of their class time should be spent brainstorming.

“As I was saying.” The pink haired girl says as she turns around. “I wanted to see if we can harness the energy from an explosion to power a robot.” Katsuki grins.

“You know Aizawa’s gonna kill us, right?” 

“Not if we're successful, and no one gets hurt.” Hatsume offers a wild grin on her face.

“See, this is why we’re lab partners.”

They get to work planning what they’ll use for their explosion, and how they plan to harness it. Katsuki starts sketching robot ideas while Hatsume does research. The planning makes their class fly by, and before he knows it, their classmates are clearing out for the day.

“Did you want to stay and work any longer?” She asks, and Katsuki knows he can't, his moms been on his ass about coming right home if he's not volunteering. 

“I can't, my mom needs me home right after school.” He explains stuffing his materials into his bag. He can feel her looming over his shoulder as he shoves his notebook inside, trying to cover it with his body, but she sees anyways. 

“Why do you have knitting needles?” She asks, and Katsuki groans.

“I wish you and everyone else would stop prying into my life!” He barks, but Hatsume is smiling. It makes him wonder when people stopped being afraid of his aggressive mannerisms, and started finding them to be funny. 

“And quit fucking laughing!” He shouts. 

She puts her hands up in surrender.

“Sorry, sorry. You’re cute when you get all flustered like this. Why are you so worried about people knowing you knit?” She asks, and he rolls his eyes.

“Because-” He sighs. “Because people think they know who I am, and what I’m like and everytime I’m kind, or gentle, or quiet everyone gets all shocked. ‘Oh my god Bakugou, I didn’t know you were capable of speaking so quietly, I didn’t know you could be so gentle,’ Or other shit like that, and it’s fucking annoying. So I’d rather hide the gentler stuff and not have to hear it.” Katsuki explains with a shrug.

“Well, I think it’s nice. It’s good to have something to do to quiet your brain.” He freezes for a moment, surprised by the comment, before he finishes packing his bag.

“Thanks, goggles.” He says, throwing his bag over his shoulder.

“Anytime, blasty. See you tomorrow!” She says with a salute, and Katsuki chuckles, heading out of their classroom, and making his way to the entrance of the school.

-

Monday comes around again, and he’s almost surprised when he realizes it’s time for him to visit Rei again. Working with the other patients wasn't as bad as he thought it'd be, except for the one who flung shit at him. That one sucked, but now he's down from 5 patients to 4 so it's not all bad. He walks into the lobby of the hospital and walks over to the desk. Rumi slides the clipboard to him without a word, and Katsuki signs himself in.

“You visiting Himura today?”

“Hm, yeah.” He answers, passing the board back over. She nods and Katsuki can tell she wants to say something. “Is something wrong?”

“She’s just having a bad day, so be prepared.” Katsuki nods, feeling perplexed. He’s only met the woman twice, so he’s not exactly sure what to expect by ‘having a bad day’. However it definitely wasn’t to hear her shouting from the other side of the door, arguing with someone. He gently pushes the door open, and pops his head inside.

“I don't want anything from him! Just throw them out!”

“Ma’am, I’m not allowed to do that. I have to leave them with you.” Katsuki can see the fire in her eyes as she argues with the aid. She must’ve noticed Katsuki though as her head turns to him for a moment before she sighs, sounding defeated.

“Just leave them on the table, I don’t care.” She says, wiping her eyes as she turns to look out the window. The woman sets the flowers down, and then quickly leaves the room, nodding at Katsuki on her way out. He walks up to Rei, and stands next to her, staring out the window.

“What’s with the flowers?”

“My husband sends them a few times a year. It’s a press thing for him, makes him look like a caring husband even after he sent me away from my family.” She explains quietly, before sighing.

“I’m not- I’m not innocent, but neither is he.” Rei says, and Katsuki nods. It’s not his business, he’s just here to be supportive.

“Would it help if I got rid of the flowers?” Her eyes widen, and she seems like a weight slides off her shoulders.

“My son usually does. Would you mind?”

“Quite the opposite, I’d be glad to.” He grabs the vase, and walks out the door. There's a trash can at the end of the hallway where he drops the flowers, and listens to the pleasant sound of the glass cracking. He smiles a self-satisfied smile, and returns to Rei’s room.

“Mission accomplished.” Katsuki says, shutting the door behind him.

“You’re wonderful. Thank you.” She says quietly. She’s sitting in the middle of her bed, looking through a book in her lap.

“These are letters from my son. He visits as often as he can, but he’s pretty busy with school.” She says, looking up with a sad smile.

“Do your kids see you often?” Katsuki asks, pulling up a chair, and leaning over it to listen.

“As often as they can. I do see one of them probably once a week, they try to switch off, or they’ll come as a group if they can, but it’s usually only for special occasions.” Katsuki nods in understanding. It’s a pretty depressing way to live, he thinks, and he wonders what she may have done that would be so terrible she’s stuck here, or how powerful her husband is that he’s able to keep her locked up. A chill goes down his spine at the thought as he looks up at Rei. She's back to looking through the letters, and he sighs and starts digging through his backpack.

“You care if I try to knit?” 

“Oh, please do. I’m sorry I’m not feeling myself tonight.” Katsuki shakes his head. 

“Don’t be sorry. I’m not here for you to entertain me.” He says with an eye roll as he grabs the knitting needles and yarn from his bag. He starts making his loops, and begins his work. He loops, and slides, does everything he thinks he’s supposed to, but somehow, once again he ends up with a mangled, disjointed pile of knots in his lap. He sighs, dragging his hands down his face.

“Can you knit?” He asks, and Rei looks up from her letters. She smiles, and nods her confirmation.

“Why can’t I fucking get it?!” He asks, attempting to detangle his knots.

“Well show me what you’re doing, maybe I can help.” Katsuki nods, as he starts over with his yarn detangled. She watches him for a moment, before speaking up.

“Oh, here, you need to grab your yarn before you wrap it.” Katsuki blinks at the needles, then looks up.

“I thought I was.” He mutters, and she smiles.

“Like this.” She places her hands over his and directs his movements, and suddenly he gets a stitch. He looks up quickly, jaw dropping in surprise.

“Wait. I did it.” He says, eyes wide in amazement. 

“You did! Keep going!” Katsuki nods, and makes more stitches just like Rei had shown him, and suddenly he has a row of stitches across his lap.

“Would you believe I’ve been trying to do this for 4 weeks?” He asks, hands hiding his face. Rei laughs, and he’s glad that he’s doing something right while he’s here.

“You didn’t seem like you’d be getting that by yourself, so yes.” She's covering her mouth, but Katsuki can see the joy in her eyes. Even though it’s at his expense, he doesn't really care. The silence encapsulates the room again as they return to their own activities. He runs out of yarn and ends up with something too small to be of any use for anything really. Maybe a shitty ass pot holder. He looks up, and Rei is also knitting now. He smiles watching her work.

“What are you making?” He asks, and she looks up from her yarn.

“Oh, a sweater for my son.” She says with a smile, and Katsuki nods.

“And what did you make?” She asks, gesturing to the square in his hands. He snorts as he looks it over.

“I don’t know, a potholder?” He asks with a chuckle, and she laughs too.

“The stitches are good at least.” He smiles, checking the time, and he sees that he really does have to get going.

“Thanks for your help. I’d probably have to go see her next week and admit failure if you hadn’t.” She laughs, and pulls him in for a hug. It catches him off guard, but she seems like she needs it, so he leans into it, and hugs back.

“No problem. I’ll see you next month then?” She asks, and he nods.

“See you then.” He says with a smile.

Chapter 3: There's Rotten Things Left In Me

Notes:

Happy Thursday/ update day!!! I want anyone who is concerned about this fic being abandoned to know that there are currently 56k words written for it, and 16 chapters lmao it isn't going anywhere!! Comments and kudos are always appreciated ofc!!
You can check us out on twitter!
Me
Gold

Chapter Text

“Like a priest behind confession walls, I judge myself
Kneelin' on a metal grater
Bloody, like a body that has died, and it's myself
Tangled in my own intestines
I gotta escape the void, there’s no other choice
So strange, I'm tryin' to find the doorway
My eyes are starin' at me
And they seem so damn unhappy.”

VOID - Melanie Martinez

 

Shouto shoots up from his bed in a cold sweat, gasping for air. He hasn’t had a nightmare that bad in years. 

“You good?” He hears Touya’s voice cut through the darkness. It makes him jump as he takes a shaky breath, but he nods. The silence permeates the room as Shouto realizes his brother probably can’t see him nodding in the darkness.

“Fine.” He says quietly, and he can tell just by hearing his own voice how unbelievable that was.

“Nightmare?” Is all Touya asks, and Shouto feels his throat tighten up, as he goes to respond.

“Y-yeah.” Is all he gets out, strained, and tight.

“You wanna come sleep in my bed?” Shouto is appalled by the idea at first, hasn’t slept in his bed since-

Since the last time he came back from dad’s. At least the entire first month he was back with them, he slept in someone's bed. He swallows, and slowly climbs out of his bed, crossing the room to his brother's bed.

“If you’re sure you don’t mind.” Shouto mumbles.

“You wanna talk about it?” Touya asks, sliding over. 

“I can’t- not right now.” He says, shaking his head as he lays down next to his brother. He stares at the ceiling for a long time as his mind plays back the scenes from his dreams. A hand in his hair, desperately fighting for air as he choked, scratching, and hitting as he tried desperately to breathe, to live. 

“You know I won’t let him take you back right? Ever.” Touya says, and Shouto swallows nervously.

“I believe you. I’m just scared.” He whispers. Neither of them speak after that, and Shouto doesn’t know how long it takes, but at some point sleep takes him.

-

Shouto stands in front of UA swaying from side to side as he waits for his sister to pick him up. Rain pours down on him as he stands out on the sidewalk, however he didn’t even entertain the idea of working on anything after school, too worried about missing the chance to see his mom again. He brings a hand up to cover his mouth as a yawn overtakes him.

“Whatcha doin’, half’n’half?” Shouto jumps at the voice behind him, and turns around to see Bakugou leaving the school. He pulls a hood up over his blond spikes to shield himself from the rain.

“Oh, just waiting for my sister to pick me up. We’re going to see my mom.” Bakugou just nods, he looks like he wants to ask him something, but then changes his mind. 

“See ya round, halfie.” Shouto blinks, watching Bakugou walk away, feeling more confused than anything. His sister pulls up a moment later, pushing the thought from his head as he climbs into the car. He takes off his jacket, attempting not to soak his sister's car.

“Shouto you’re going to make yourself sick, why didn’t you wait inside?” She asks, he shrugs with a grin.

“Didn’t wanna risk missing you.” 

“I wouldn’t have left the school without you, Shouto.” She says with a gentle smile. He laughs to himself.

“I know, but I might’ve accidentally made you wait, and that would’ve meant mom was waiting.” Fuyumi laughs at his logic, but he can see worry in her eyes.

“What’s wrong?” He asks, and she takes her eyes off the road for a moment to look at him before bringing her attention back.

“Just this stuff with dad. I know it’s been weighing on you, and Touya’s strung out about it.” Shouto nods as she speaks.

“I have a friend, her dad’s a lawyer in the area, and she said she’d talk to him if we need someone?” She nods.

“Who?” She asks

“The Yaoyorozu family.” Fuyumi’s eyes get huge.

“Shouto, we could never afford them.” She says, seeming almost afraid by just the mention of the family name.

“Well, no, I know that. She said he takes on pro bono cases.” Fuyumi looks thoughtfully at the road, nodding solemnly.

“I'll mention that to Touya. Couldn't hurt.” Shouto nods and the rest of the car ride is silent. 

When they pull up to the hospital, Fuyumi lets Shouto out at the door, and he runs into the building. 

“Hey Mirko.”

“Hey Sho, how's it going?” She asks, handing over the visitor sign in sheet. 

“Been better. Dad's rearing his ugly head again.” Shouto mutters, signing in himself and his sister. 

“Oh, again? I'm sorry to hear that kid.” Shouto shrugs as he passes the clipboard back, turning to see his sister coming inside. 

“Alright, see you on the way out.” He says, nodding to Mirko, who smiles, lifting a hand to wave. 

“See ya, kid, have fun seeing your mom.” Shouto smiles to himself. Something about seeing his mom brings him back to being a kid again. It takes a weight off his shoulders and lets him forget about all the struggles that have come with being him. They step up to the door to their mom's room, and Shouto lets himself in. Everyone typically knocks, but Shouto has never bothered. 

“Mom!” Shouto nearly shouts before running up to her, and wrapping his arms around her. She lets out a quiet oof, and hugs him back. 

“I missed you.” He whispers, holding her close. He feels her smile into his shoulder.

“I missed you too, sweetheart. Why are your clothes soaking wet?” He pulls away instantly, realizing he's probably drenched her as well. 

“Oh. I'm sorry, mom.” He says, feeling guilty, but she laughs and it makes any fear or guilt in his body dissipate. 

“You're fine, honey. Just don't want you to be uncomfortable.” He smiles as she holds his face in her hands. 

“How's school? Do you like your classes? I hope you're not just doing ceramics because it's what I'm passionate about.” Shouto laughs as he tries to keep up with her questions. 

“School is good. I've made some really great friends, I am really enjoying my classes. It's nice to focus on what I enjoy. I am not just doing it because you love it, but that is a bonus for sure.” He wracks his mind for anything he may have forgotten, but comes up short. 

“Can I show you pictures of some of my sculptures?” He asks, and her smile brightens. 

“I'd be upset if you didn't, honey.” She says and he smiles brightly as he unlocks his phone, opening up photos of various creations. His mother marvels as she scrolls through them. He looks up to see his sister staring fondly at them, and Shouto feels a warmth spread over his cheeks. 

“You are so talented, Shouto! This is breathtaking.” The blush spreads up his ears and down his neck as he looks away. His work has always been fine. He sees the flaws in every detail, cracks, and splinters, spots that didn't fire correctly, using too much or too little glaze. It really wasn't worth this much fuss. 

“Thank you.” He says, finally. “I did work hard.” He'll give himself that, he has given his all in every project. 

“It shows. You should be very proud of yourself.” 

“It's true, Shou. There's a reason you got into UA off recommendations alone.” He smiles at that, because it's one thing he's proud of. If Shouto had gone the easy way, followed his father's plan, he wouldn't have had to lift a finger to get into UA. His father would've written a check, said ‘put him in business’ and Shouto would be miserable, but instead he spent every minute of middle school working himself to death on project after project, and asking every teacher he knew for letters for UA. In the end, it worked out. He had plenty of work that showed his skill, lots of practice, and professionals who thought highly of him. He's never been prouder of himself. 

“Fuyumi, would you go check what the cafeteria is serving tonight, and I'll order us some take out if it's gross?” Fuyumi laughs and nods her head. 

“Yeah, mom, I'm on it.” She answers, walking out the door. His mom turns to look at him as the two of them are suddenly alone. 

“I heard your father's trying again.” His mother says, firm hands on his shoulders. Shouto shudders at the mention of him and nods. He'd rather talk about anything else. Hell, even his (non-existent) love life would be better. 

“How are you feeling?” She asks quietly and Shouto sighs. 

“I'm scared, mom…” He says quietly, tears welling up. 

“Touya says he won't get me this time, that he'll lose, but I keep having awful nightmares, and he's hurting me, and I can't do anything but take it. It's awful mom." The words come out faster than he can stop them as she wraps gentle arms around him.

“Sweetheart, you're safe with your brother, and he's right this isn't like last time. Are you seeing your therapist soon?” She asks, and Shouto nods his head. 

“Yeah. End of the month.” He says wiping his eyes. She nods, handing him a tissue. Fuyumi returns a few minutes later and they discuss dinner options. None of them are very impressed, so Rei ends up ordering take out for the three of them. Shouto tells her more about school while Fuyumi talks about her job. 

They talk about Natsuo and Touya as well, how their respective jobs and school are going. Natsuo’s hardly ever home; between working, going to school, and seeing his girlfriend, he's probably only home once a week. Touya jokes about kicking him out and making Shouto take his room, but none of them believe he'll go through with it. 

The night ends with ice cream that their mom had hidden in the back of the freezer and Shouto devours his portion. Smiling at his mom, feeling more at ease than he has in over a week. This is why he needs to see her, she just settles something inside of him. 

“Has Fuyumi told you about the new volunteer?” Shouto shakes his head looking at his sister as he shoves another bite in his mouth.

“Oh my God, Shouto, this kid is just like Touya.” Fuyumi says, covering her mouth as she laughs. Shouto’s face contorts to something between amusement and concern. 

“Is this really the best place for him to volunteer?” Shouto asks with a laugh and his mom waves him off. 

“He really is a sweet kid. I think you'd like him.” Shouto smiles as he takes the last bite of his ice cream, and he and Fuyumi get ready to leave. He hugs his mom tight and hopes they'll see each other again soon. 

-

“Why the hell did you only give me enough yarn to make a fucking potholder?!” Katsuki asks the older woman as he throws the square of yarn into her lap. The woman is momentarily taken aback before she starts laughing. 

“Oh honey, I really didn't think you'd get this far.” His jaw drops in disbelief as he stammers. 

“You didn't think- but you- and-” Silence fills the room before Katsuki's shouts.

“Are you evil?!” The lady snickers at him as she continues knitting.

“Oh, let an old woman have some fun, would you?” She asks, and Katsuki rolls his eyes before snatching up extra yarn and joining her. It's slow going, but by the time his time is up he's got about a quarter of a baby blanket. She sends him away with more yarn this time and tells him to keep working. 

He checks his phone on his way to the receptionist desk and sees a number of videos from Hatsume. A few different setups to attempt to harness the energy of a small explosion. The slew of messages ends with a photo of her giving the camera a thumbs up with what he can only assume is residue from the explosives on her face. He smirks, shaking his head as he walks up to the desk. 

“Ooo look at that smile, you must be talking to someone special. A girlfriend maybe?” She says, wiggling her eyebrows as she hands him the clipboard. Katsuki snorts at the mention of a girlfriend, before making a gagging sound. 

“Lab partner. I'm good thanks, not really my type.” He mutters, scribbling this name. 

“Oh what's your type then?” She asks, distracted as she types away at her computer. 

“Oh ya know,” Katsuki starts, handing the clipboard back as Rumi takes a sip of water. “Men.”

The woman at the desk nearly chokes on her drink, coughing violently into her elbow. 

“Jesus, okay, wasn't expecting you to say that. Hm, that's good to know though. Himura’s got a son your age, ya know.” She says with a smirk and Katsuki laughs. 

“You trying to set me up with a patient’s kid?” He asks with a smirk and she puts her hands up in surrender. 

“Nu uh, I'm not playing matchmaker for a couple of kids, just seemed like… important information.” Katsuki rolls his eyes with a cocky smirk. 

“Yeah whatever. See ya next week, Rumi.” He says with a backwards wave. 

“Kid, call me Mirko, alright?” She says, and Katsuki turns back with a raised brow. 

“Sure, quit calling me kid.” He says, and she quickly sticks her tongue out. 

“We'll see, brat.” He grimaces before responding. 

“Maybe kid’s better. Who are you, my mom?” She laughs, and Katsuki walks out into the evening air before she can respond. 

-

Katsuki stumbles in the doors of UA, slipping on the muddy floors, tracked in from yesterday's rain. He groans in frustration, wishing he could restart the day. He gets to his feet and holds his hands out in front of him, not wanting to get it on his uniform, lest he get written up for it, on top of the tardy slip he's already going to get. He walks into the bathrooms to wash his hands, when he's greeted by the sound of someone throwing up.

He groans internally, about 3 seconds from just turning around and going home, when the bathroom stall opens. Katsuki freezes as Todoroki walks out, stopping in his tracks at the sight of him. They stare at each other for a moment before Todoroki ends the silence. 

“Please tell me you didn't hear that.” He mumbles, paler than normal, and still as a statue. Katsuki doesn't respond at first, but his posture loosens at the realization that Todoroki must be having a day as bad as his. 

“You good?” He asks quietly, and Shouto doesn't answer at first, until he lets out a quiet sigh followed by a nod as he walks over to the sink and starts washing his hands. The action reminds Katsuki that he also came here to do that as he takes the open sink and washes the mud from his hands. 

“What happened?” Shouto asks and Katsuki shrugs. 

“Woke up late, and slipped on the muddy ass floors at the entrance.” Todoroki grimaces. 

“Sounds like your day’s going just as well as mine.” He comments, and Katsuki laughs. 

“You sick?” He asks the taller boy, and Shouto lets out a weary breath. 

“No, it's just nerves.” He admits, walking around Katsuki to get a paper towel, and dry his hands. He walks out the door without another word. 

-

Shouto stares at the lump of clay on the potter's wheel, blinking heavy eyes. Throwing up didn't help, he still feels like a wreck. Hands too shaky to work, as he reaches up and pulls at the too tight collar of his button up. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, hoping to center himself. When he opens his eyes, the chunk of clay stares back at him, and all he feels is hopeless. 

Shouto jumps when the bell signaling class change rings, and it takes every ounce of restraint in his body not to scream, and throw the wet clay at the wall. He grabs the clay off the wheel, and smashes it back into the block it came from. He can feel Mr. Yamada’s eyes on him, but the last thing Shouto wants to do is talk about this. He exits the classroom and moves towards the locker rooms to change for gym class. 

Because of the way UA allows students to individualize their education, some kids, like him, only have gym once a week depending on what their focus is. He gets changed into his gym clothes and quickly makes his way to the gymnasium. Bakugou is the closest person he has to a friend in this class, so he takes a seat in the bleachers next to the blond while they wait for class to start. 

“What's up, arts’n’crafts, still puking?”

“I don't know, explosion man, you still eating dirt in the entryway?” Shouto responds, and Bakugou barks out a laugh. 

“Hey, that's explosion God to you.” He responds and Shouto makes a gagging noise. 

“As if I'd ever refer to you as a God. Try again.” Bakugou shoves him as Mr. Yagi walks in. 

“Hello class! We'll be running the track today in a relay race. I went ahead and split you up into teams ahead of time.” He starts calling names as Shouto’s stomach growls, and Bakugou looks at him with a raised eyebrow.

“You gonna be able to do this?” He asks and Shouto nods. 

“I'm fine. Just a little hungry.” He admits. He'd skipped breakfast this morning, it wasn't really intentional , he just needed to work on his project. 

That's non-existent. He sighs at the thought as Bakugou nudges him again. 

“C’mon it's me, you and Kirishima.” Shouto nods as he and Bakugou follow their class out to the track. 

Shouto follows behind his classmates, as the sun beats down on them. He really wishes they’d kept class inside today, he's not sure he has the energy right now to run the track. 

“Okay I need someone from each team to come collect your baton, remember everyone is going to run the track one and a half times. Someone will start at the starting point while one of you waits at the halfway point, and your third person will be back at the starting point to get the baton. You'll run this three times.”

Shouto’s heart jumps into his throat as Kirishima jogs up to Mr. Yagi to retrieve their baton. Bakugou turns back to look at him, obvious concern in his eyes. 

“You really don't look good, why don't you just go to the nurse?” Bakugou suggests and Shouto shakes his head, barely giving it a thought. He's fine, he's just a little hungry. He'll run the race and then it'll be lunch time. He's fine. 

“No, I'm fine. Just a little tired.” He says, and Katsuki looks at him, disbelief written across his face, but he doesn't argue. Kirishima returns and takes the spot for starting, Katsuki goes to the middle, and Shouto stands at the starting line with Kirishima to wait.

When the race starts, Shouto just tries to focus on breathing. It's hard though when his stomach has itself twisted in knots. He shivers as a bead of sweat drips down his back. He presses his shirt against his damp skin, and takes note of the fact that no one else seems to be sweating this much. 

He doesn't think about it long when he realizes Bakugou has the baton, and is about to pass it to him. Shouto reaches out to take it and starts running. 

He breathes through the burning in his throat, and pushes himself as hard as he can. He focuses on keeping one foot in front of the other as he gets closer to Kirishima. The redhead reaches back as Shouto gets closer and snatches the baton from him, taking off. 

Shouto takes gasping breaths, tuning out the classmates around him waiting for their teammates. He looks up to see Kirishima gaining on Bakugou as the two trade off the baton and all of a sudden it's almost his turn again.

His legs shake, as he returns to his position. Bakugou's fingers brush his as he grabs a hold of the baton and takes off running. He blinks sweat from his eyes, as the ache returns to his throat. The closer he gets to Kirishima, the closer he is to relief, to stopping. He pushes himself harder, to run faster, reaching out towards Kirishima who reaches back for the baton. 

Shouto stumbles, trying to stop, as his vision swims. He squeezes his eyes shut, trying to clear his sight. He gags as he leans over, pressing his hands into his knees. He feels his stomach twist as he sucks in a deep breath. Just one more. He reminds himself, spitting into the grass.

“Halfie, let's go!”

-

Todoroki turns around just in time to snatch the baton from Katsuki, but something seems wrong. His movements are jerky and uncoordinated, he doesn't take his eyes off his classmates the entire time, until he's just about to cross his finishing point when he stumbles. His feet slip out from under him, and suddenly he hits the ground. 

No one seems overly concerned at first besides him. They think he just tripped, but Katsuki's sprinting to him, without hesitation, and when Shouto makes no move to get up, it confirms exactly what he was afraid of. 

“Mr. Yagi! He's unconscious!” Katsuki shouts, reaching his classmates. He rolls him off the asphalt, and immediately starts checking for signs of a pulse, and he's filled with relief by the sight of his chest rising and falling, and the feeling of a pulse beneath his fingers. 

-

Shouto opens his eyes, and his head throbs. He sees Bakugou and Mr. Yagi standing over him as it all comes back. 

“Oh, thank goodness you're awake, young Todoroki!” Yagi shouts and the volume makes his head spin. 

“Could someone escort him to the nurse’s office?” Before Shouto could speak up, and tell him that he's fine, someone else does. 

“Yeah I got him.” Bakugou says, and he starts helping Shouto to his feet. 

“Bakugou, I'm fine.” He tries to argue, and the blond rolls his eyes, and starts dragging Shouto towards the school building. They walk in silence and Shouto can't help but feel this is unnecessary. 

“I'm seriously fine, I just need to get some lunch.” He explains and Katsuki grabs him, and makes Shouto look at him. 

“Are you stupid?! Have you even eaten today?” He snaps, and Shouto swallows nervously. 

“Well yeah I ate something before I left the house this morning.” Shouto says, lying through his teeth. Bakugou stares at him, doubt obvious in his face. 

“Can we just get to the nurse's office?” Shouto asks, and Bakugou sneers. 

“Yeah fine, fucking go.”

Chapter 4: Hey Brother, Do You Still Believe In Love?

Summary:

Hello! Here's a brand new chapter for ya'll to enjoy! Comments and kudos are so, so appreciated!
You can check us out on twitter!
Me
Gold

Chapter Text

“Hey brother, do you still believe in one another?
Hey sister, do you still believe in love, I wonder?
Oh, and if the sky comes falling down, for you
There's nothing in this world I wouldn't do
What if I'm far from home?
Oh, brother, I will hear you call
What if I lose it all?
Oh, sister, I will help you out.”

Hey Brother - The Mayries & Dan Berk

 

The hospital doors open, and Katsuki walks inside. Mirko looks like she's got something important to tell him as he gets closer to the desk. 

“Hey kid, bad news. Today's patient was admitted to the ICU.” Katsuki jaw drops, and this is just icing on the cake after the day he's had. 

“Is he gonna be alright?” Katsuki asks, eyebrows furrowing in concern. 

“He should be. Hopefully he'll be back in a couple weeks.” Katsuki sighs and nods. 

“Well, I guess I'll find someone else to harass.” Mirko chuckles as he walks away towards the elevator. He goes to the 4th floor without thinking about it, and makes his way towards the end of the hall. He knocks, and the door opens almost immediately. A man with white hair and gray eyes like Rei’s looks back at him. 

“Can I help you?” he asks and Katsuki thinks he should stop visiting unannounced. 

“Oh sorry, volunteer hours. The patient I usually see today is sick, so I thought I'd come visit-” a voice interrupts from inside the room before Katsuki can finish. 

“Natsuo, is that Bakugou? Blond kid with red eyes.”

“Oh! Yeah, it's him. Want me to let him in?” Rei steps around the corner a moment later and encourages Katsuki to come inside.

“It's so good to see you! How's your knitting?” A part of Katsuki is embarrassed for her to mention that around a stranger, whoever the fuck Natsuo is, doesn't need to know he knits.

“S’fine. ” He says with a shrug, and there's a chuckle behind him. Rei smiles fondly at the other man in the room. 

“Bakugou, this is one of my sons, Natsuo. He doesn't visit often, but he's incredibly busy, he's in school to be a doctor.” Katsuki nods, and turns to introduce himself. 

“So did you come here to challenge me to more Hanafuda?” Rei asks, as the room grows quiet. It makes Katsuki laugh, before he responds. 

“Well, if you don't get to visit often, I can go. I don't mean to show up every time your kids are here.” Rei just waves him off though. 

“Natsuo is competitive too. I'm sure he'd love to play you as well.” Katsuki feels a grin spread across his face, before he can even think about it.

“Alright let's go then!” Katsuki says turning to Natsuo. 

“I'm almost as good as my mom, so I hope you've been practicing. Heard you only win when she lets you.” Katsuki's eyes narrow at the challenge as he takes the cards from Rei and quickly sets up a game.

Katsuki loses till the third round, and Natsuo tries to say he let him win that one, but he knows that's a lie. He's smug as he packs up the cards. He may not have won the majority, but he won the final game. Rei smiles fondly as they pack up the game, seeming to have enjoyed their bantering throughout. 

It's almost enough to make him forget about Todoroki for a bit. To forget how bad he's looked this week. Sunken eyes, irritable, exhausted. He's fallen asleep in every class they have together, and more often than not he's missing at lunch. 

The worst of it is he wasn't even at school today, and no one seemed to know why. It's been nagging at him all day, but he doesn't know what to do. Texting seems like overstepping, until recently he hadn't even considered him a friend. 

“Can I ask you a question?” Katsuki asks, looking at Rei. 

“More knitting advice?” She asks with a teasing smirk. Katsuki laughs, but shakes his head. 

“No, there's just this… Guy. I hadn't really considered him more than an acquaintance until recently, and he hasn't been himself recently, and then today he wasn't at school. I guess I don't know if I should reach out or not, and if I ask my mom, she'll never let me hear the end of it.” Rei laughs, an endearing smile on her lips. 

“I have to say, as a mom, I understand. You care about him though, so try reaching out. I'm sure he'll appreciate knowing you thought of him.” Katsuki smiles as he looks down at the half finished blanket in his lap. 

“Thanks. That helps.”

-

Shouto follows Touya into the courtroom. They decided no one needed to be there besides the two of them. Given the circumstances, Touya is confident this will be an open and shut case. Shouto hides behind his brother at the sight of their father on the other end of the courtroom. He feels the bile rising in his throat as he clenches his fists. 

Touya has a folder on the table with pay stubs, and other financial information that he intends to use as evidence that everyone is stable at this time, as well as transcripts proving the success of all his siblings. Shouto swallows nervously as the hearing begins. 

“The plaintiff calls Todoroki Touya to the stand.” His older brother gives him a reassuring smirk as he gets to his feet, walking towards the stand. 

“Mister Todoroki, do you feel that in the last 8 years you've devoted your full time and attention to the children you've kept in your care?” Their father's attorney questions. 

“Yes, they've always been my main priority.” Touya answers confidently. 

“Hm, I see. So you've never put anyone else above them, especially not yourself?” Shouto can see confusion on Touya’s face, and he's fairly certain he's making the same face. 

“No, I've always put them first.”

“So you've never, say, stayed out late after work to go have drinks? While you have a minor at home?” Touya blinks once, twice. Shouto can see the color drain from his face. 

“I'm sorry?” He asks, clearing his throat. 

“Have you ever left your job for the evening, and instead of going home to your family, you went out to a bar instead? Oftentimes leaving your baby brother at home?”

“I- I don't recall.” Touya says, and the lawyer smiles. It sends a chill down Shouto’s spine, as he digs fingernails into his pant legs, pressing into the flesh below. 

Touya, you promised. Shouto thinks as tears gather in his eyes. 

“Maybe these photos will jog your memory.” And within a fraction of a second, photos of Touya at a bar with a blond man with amber eyes are thrown up on the screen. Shouto’s eyes go wide as he catches a glimpse of Touya’s face. He's never seen his brother look so scared, so small. Shouto jumps to his feet without a second thought. 

“Take it down! Turn that off!” Shouto shouts. 

“Todoroki Shouto, please have a seat before I have you removed!” The judge lectures. Shouto’s eye flick to Touya’s. There's still so much fear in his eyes, but his expression is otherwise neutral. He nods his head, and Shouto deflates. He sits back down, and waits. 

“Yes, that's my boyfriend and I out to dinner. Yes, I had a drink or two.”

“While you had a child at home?” They asked and Shouto wanted to scream. Those pictures can't be more than a year old.

“Shouto was 15, and has been very involved with school. It has never affected our relationship, or my skills as his guardian.”

More questions are asked, as tempers flare, until the judge bangs her gavel. 

“We’re taking a recess, mister Todoroki Touya, you may not represent yourself any longer. Find a lawyer, or this time next month, you will automatically forfeit your rights as guardian over your brother.”

Shouto is on his feet as the final words come out of the judge's mouth, and he runs from the courtroom. He can taste the stomach acid rising in the back of his throat as he throws open the first bathroom door he finds. His knees hit the hard tile of the restroom as he kneels in front of the toilet. Less than a minute passes as the door flies open, and he vaguely hears footsteps as he retches in the toilet. 

He spits the acrid taste from his mouth, gasping for air, as another wave hits him. There's a soft knock on the stall door, and Shouto spits once more before responding. 

“What?” he asks, voice hoarse, and scratchy. 

“You good?” Touya asks. He sounds hollow, and it makes Shouto want to throw up again. His brother isn't supposed to sound like that. Shouto quickly rises to his feet, and flushes the toilet. He flies out of the stall, without any further warning and wraps his arms around his brother. 

“I'm so sorry.” Shouto gets out, as he tries to hold back a sob. He feels Touya let out a shaky breath. 

“Don't be sorry, Sho. I'm sorry I've let you down. I should've been more careful.” He whispers

“You don't need to be sorry either.” Shouto says quietly. 

-

The drive home is quiet, and Shouto finds himself drawn to his bed when they get home. Touya apparently has the same idea as he follows Shouto to their bedroom, and immediately burrows beneath his covers. Shouto stares at his brother's form hidden beneath the blanket as he peaks from behind his own. He always knew his brother gave up a lot for them, but he never realized quite how much. It was becoming glaringly obvious though. 

If Touya had gone to college like he'd wanted to, he'd be an engineer by now. He'd have gotten his degree in mechanical engineering and have the job of his dreams, instead he works at a local shop as a mechanic. He does make decent money, and says that he's happy, but Shouto’s always known how much he gave up. How much they've all given up, just for him. 

Apparently there's more though, a love life. How could he have never thought of that? That Touya may want to date. A rage he hasn't felt before surges through his body at the thought of what their father did today, and without thinking, Shouto climbs out of his bed and crosses the room. 

“Touya.” He whispers and his brother grunts. 

“Can I lay with you?” He asks, and without a response, Touya scoots over. He climbs into his brother's bed and they lay together in silence as Shouto stares at the ceiling until his eyes sting. 

“So are you gay, or just bi, or something else?” Shouto finally asks, and it comes out so quietly he doesn't think Touya could've possibly heard him. 

“‘M gay.” He answers, almost sounding scared, and Shouto has never been angrier at their father than he is right now. 

“H-how long have you known?” Shouto asks, his voice cracking at the start of the question. Touya lowers the blanket to look at him. 

“Why, are you unsure?” He asks, and he seems to be glad the focus is shifting off of him. 

“I don't… I don't think I liked anyone. Ever.” Shouto says, and it's the first time he's admitted it. That he likes people, they're all fine, but no one's ever made him feel how people describe when they date someone. 

“Oh.” Is all Touya says, and Shouto lays there silently. 

“I'm sorry dad outed you.” Shouto whispers and Touya shakes his head.

“S’fine. I wanted you guys to meet him anyways.” And for some reason that's really exciting to Shouto. 

“What's his name?” He asks and Touya smiles. 

“Takami Keigo.” His brother answers. 

“Is he nice?” Shouto asks, and Touya laughs, ruffling Shouto’s hair. 

“Why, you gonna scare him off if he's mean to me?” Shouto chuckles at the idea, especially in his current state. The room is quiet, and Shouto starts to relax as Touya asks the question he's been dreading.

“Are you eating?” His eyes fly open.

“What do you mean?” He asks, and Touya rolls his eyes. 

“You're losing weight, Shou. Are you eating?” He shrugs. 

“When I'm hungry.” He answers. Touya nods slowly. 

“And you're throwing up again.” He notes. 

“Only when I'm nervous.” Shouto argues. 

“We're upping your therapy appointments.” Touya says, and Shouto shoots up. 

“Touya, I'm fine.” He tries to argue. 

“Shouto, I can see what this is doing to you. We're switching you from monthly to bi-weekly. We can wait till after your next appointment if you'd like, but you're falling apart, dude. I haven't seen you this bad since you were 11, and I can't do that again, Shou!” He can hear the desperation in Touya's voice, and he swallows, feeling the urge to throw up all over again. His brother sounds so scared, and all Shouto can think about is how broken he sounded in the courtroom.

“Fine.” He whispers. 

-

Neither of them talk much after that, and at some point Shouto drifts off to sleep, exhausted from the afternoon. Touya stares at the ceiling as his mind runs into overdrive. How the hell is he going to fix this? How did his father even know about Keigo? He looks at his brother, sleeping peacefully next to him, and he can't help but be overwhelmed with guilt. He's failed him too many times. Maybe he doesn't even deserve custody. He remembers how broken Shouto was last time he came back to them though, and he's sure that Shouto would be better off living on the streets than with Todoroki Enji. 

The door opens and a woman in professional attire ushers Shouto into the apartment. Touya, Fuyumi and Natsuo were all sitting around the living room in anticipation. Touya tries not to cry when he sees how thin Shouto is, he looks like he’s been starved. Natsuo and Fuyumi take Shouto to the kitchen so Touya can have a minute to speak with his social worker. 

“What the hell happened to him?!” Touya hisses, not wanting to yell and risk Shouto hearing. 

“Mister Todoroki just believes at this time, Shouto isn't a good fit for the household.”

Touya’s vision goes red, as he stutters through a response, before asking the woman to leave as politely as he can manage. 

He joins them in the kitchen, and Fuyumi looks at him with terror in her eyes. She walks up to Touya and grabs his arm to drag him back towards the living room. 

“He's covered in bruises.” She whispers and Touya blinks, looking between her and Shouto. 

“Where?” He asks as quietly as possible. 

“Arms, legs, stomach, I haven't checked anywhere below his waist band and I'm afraid to.” Touya sighs.

“We'll deal with that later. I think the first step is dinner.” Touya says before walking towards Shouto. 

“Hey bud, what can I make you for dinner?” Touya asks, and Shouto just looks at him. Big, haunting blue and gray eyes stare through him. Shouto never answers, nor does he eat that night. 

Moving to a bigger apartment definitely helped with getting Shouto back, and that’s when the two of them started to share a room. Touya tucks Shouto in that night, and points to his own bed across the room. 

“I'm right there if you need anything. If you wake up and you're hungry, thirsty, anything just wake me up and I'll get it for you.” Touya assures him as Shouto stares through him. He doesn't respond. He hasn't said a word since he's been home, and Touya is so, so sacred. Shouto never used to shut up, he'd talk your ear off about his favorite TV show, what he's learning at school, why he likes the fucking color purple. Literally anything. 

It's been 6 hours though and he hasn't so much as nodded his head. Touya stands up and turns off the light, before crossing the room to his own bed. He doesn't lay down for more than 5 minutes when he becomes acutely aware of the sounds of sniffling. 

“Shou? You okay?” The noises stop at once, and Touya turns on his flashlight to cross the room to Shouto. He crouches in front of his bed, seeing terrified eyes. 

“Hey buddy, what's wrong?” Shouto is alarmingly quiet now, almost like he's holding his breath, so Touya moves to turn on the light.

The room is flooded with soft light, and suddenly Shouto is shouting. His arms are raised over his head, as he presses his body fully to the wall, and the first words he's heard since his brother was taken away are apologies. 

“I'm sorry, I'm sorry, please don't hurt me, I'm sorry!” Shouto screams and begs. Touya feels his stomach drop, and he has no clue what to do. This is the scariest thing he's ever witnessed. He's never been big on revenge, but for the first time in his life, he thinks killing his father might actually make something better. Touya drops to his knees, making himself as small and non-threatening as possible. 

“I will never, ever hurt you, Shouto, especially not for crying. I can't imagine how scared you are right now. Was it too dark, was that the problem?”

Once again, he doesn't get an answer. Which is fine, he can use fucking context clues. 

“I have a nightlight. I'm going to go get it, okay?”

Shouto blinks at him and Touya leaves the room for a moment, before returning, and plugging the nightlight into the wall. 

“I'm gonna turn off the lights, but it shouldn't be as dark, okay?”

Shouto continues to stare and Touya lays down, exhausted from that day they’ve had. It's quiet after that, he doesn't hear Shouto cry again, which doesn't mean much. His eyes get heavy, and he's suddenly pulled into a restless sleep. 

He's not sure what time it is when he wakes up, but Touya nearly jumps out of his bed when he realizes Shouto is standing inches from his face, just staring at him. 

“You good, bud?” He doesn't answer, of course, but he lifts a hand from his side and just points at Touya’s bed. He looks where he's pointing and doesn't see anything, before he looks back up at Shouto. 

“What's up, Shou, what do you need?” Shouto stomps his foot and points again, before trying to push Touya further into his own bed, and oh it all clicks. 

“You want to be in bed with me?” Touya asks, and Shouto stares at him for a moment before finally, finally responding. He nods, and Touya doesn't waste a moment, sliding over to make room. 

-

It's a week before Shouto talks again. 

“Shouto, what do you want to eat?” is a common question in their household now. He never answers, but Touya asks him what he wants at least three times a day, because he hasn't seen him do much more than eat 1 or 2 small snacks a day. 

“Soba.” Shouto answers and Touya’s jaw drops, and he rips his phone out of his pocket. He doesn't waste a moment ordering out for all of them to celebrate. It was the closest to normal anything has been for the four of them for a while, but Touya hasn't missed how on edge Natsuo has been all day. 

Ever since Shouto came back, if he goes to sleep alone, he inevitably wakes with nightmares. His screams never fail to stir the entire apartment, and the lack of sleep has their brother at the end of his rope. He really didn't mean to take it out on Shouto but the words slipped out anyways. 

“Quit being a baby, dad hurt all of us!” He’d shouted. 

Shouto stood stock still as Natsuo glared at him. Touya could see the almost immediate regret on his face though when Shouto, instead of responding, or shouting back, simply turned and walked away. Touya tried to follow him, as the bathroom door slammed in his face, and then he heard the unforgettable sound of Shouto making himself sick. Touya froze as it happened. The locked door knob in his hand leaving him with no choice but to wait. 

He tries talking to Shouto, letting him know Natsuo didn't mean it. At one point the other boy came to the door himself in hysterics begging Shouto to come out, and apologizing over and over. When the door did finally unlock, Touya changed the knob the same evening. When they asked why he made himself sick, all he'd do is shrug. Shouto would avoid Natsuo for a bit after that, but otherwise not much changed, other than Touya keeping a close eye on him during stressful moments. 

Shouto started therapy shortly after that, Touya’s new job came with good insurance so they all started therapy, which did wonders for everyone. At least he was doing something right .

Chapter 5: I Think I'm Falling Apart

Notes:

Sorry for the late update, the last week has been pretty hectic for my family, but were back baby! Updates may be a little scattered going forward, but I'll do my best to maintain consistency! Comments and kudos are always appreciated!
You can check us out on twitter!
Me
Gold

Chapter Text

“If I were alive, wonder if I'd feel it
I'd do anything just to keep you for a minute
You hate when it gets dark
You're just afraid of dying
I'm so scared of living but I never stop trying,
It's complicated, so complicated
But I wanna say
Oh my god, think I'm falling apart
Is this a breakdown baby?”

Is This A Breakdown Baby? - Boyish

 

Katsuki stares at the mop of red and white hair in front of him. They're supposed to be reading quietly, but he's really not sure how the hell he's supposed to do that, when Todoroki looks the way he does. Katsuki knew he was losing weight, but it was really showing today. The bags under his eyes were dark, and it made him wonder if the younger boy has even slept since he's last seen him, which he still doesn't know why he missed school yesterday. 

His train of thought is cut short when the bell rings, dismissing them for lunch. Todoroki gets to his feet sluggishly, and Katsuki is bent on following him wherever the hell it is he goes at lunchtime. He slowly packs his things up as the other boy does the same, and he follows a short distance behind him as he leaves the classroom. He figures he shouldn't be surprised when after a couple hallway turns, he watches Todoroki walk into the ceramics studio. 

He scrubs at his face, exhausted as he peeks in the doorway of the classroom. He watches Todoroki sling a chunk of clay against the sculptor's wheel. His shoulders are hunched and his hands shake as he tries to form the lump into something. He looks like he’s getting somewhere when a ridge forms on one side of it, and the whole thing collapses on itself. 

His body is still as he stares at the wheel, so Katsuki doesn't miss the way his shoulders start to shake. He hears the sobs next as Todoroki forces air into his lungs, trying to breathe through the cries. It makes Katsuki's stomach turn to see him in so much pain. 

He sighs, and forces his feet forward, walking into the classroom. He gently touches Todoroki’s shoulder, causing him to jump before he whips around. When they make eye contact, Shouto freezes. They both stare at each other for a long time before Katsuki breaks the silence. 

“What happened?” He asks quietly, and apparently that was all he needed to say. The tears start again as Todoroki’s wet, clay covered hands hang at his side. 

“I can't fucking do this. I hate it. I'm so scared.” He sobs and Katsuki stands there frozen, completely clueless. He's never seen Todoroki like this, and it's scaring him. 

“Todoroki, look at me. What the hell is going on?” Katsuki asks as he takes a shaky breath. 

“My life's fucking falling apart. My father's trying to take me from my siblings, and it's not even because he wants anything to do with me, he just wants to hurt my brother! I'm nothing but a pawn to him, so my suffering means nothing !” He exclaims, as he takes ragged breaths. His hands raise like he wants to wipe his face, before they drop helplessly at his sides again. 

“C’mere, Halfie.” Katsuki mutters, as he rolls his eyes, pulling the taller teen to his feet. Todoroki seems stunned as Katsuki pulls him toward himself, wrapping his arms around his waist. He feels him do the same, his wet, sticky hands pressing into his uniform, and it makes Katsuki's stomach flip unpleasantly. He breathes deeply, ignoring the awful feeling of it soaking through his clothes, as Todoroki’s tears soak into his shoulder. 

He's not sure how much time passes by the time the younger boy seems to have control over his emotions, but Katsuki doesn't miss the way his blazer sticks to Todorokis hands. He drops them back down against Katsuki’s back as his forehead hits Katsuki's shoulder. 

“Jesus, I'm so sorry. Do you want my blazer, and I can take this one?” 

Katsuki scoffs at the idea, and resolutely ignores the way something in his chest tightens at the offer. 

“No, I don't want your fucking blazer. It's fine, if I cared I wouldn't have hugged you.” He snaps, and it's not totally true. He hates the damp feeling on his back now, and he's gonna have to scrub it tonight to get the clay out, lest his mom see and screech at him for it, but it’s whatever. Todoroki gently peels his hands off of Katsuki's back after that, and makes his way to the classroom sink to scrub the half dried clay from his hands. Katsuki watches from across the room as he turns around with a washcloth. 

“Let me clean it up at least.” Todoroki mumbles, and he looks half dead. 

“You need to go home.” Katsuki suggests quietly, and he rolls his eyes. 

“I'm fine, Bakugou, just let me clean up my mess. I'm already unbelievably behind on this project.” He mutters, and it takes every ounce of restraint in Katsuki's body not to snap at the dense bastard. 

“You can go home, or you can eat lunch. You're not spending another minute in this classroom till you've got something in your body.”

“Bakugou, that's not your choice to make! Please just turn around.”

“Ya know what, Halfie. You can clean the fucking clay off my jacket if you eat some damn lunch afterwards.” Katsuki barks, with a sneer. Shouto stands, eyes narrowed as they stare each other down. 

“Fine.” He spits bitterly. 

Katsuki makes a face, before he slides the blazer off his body, and lays it across a table. 

“There, have fun.” He mutters, leaning against the wall, as Todoroki gently dabs and wipes at the clumps of clay across the back of his blazer. 

“There.” He says, handing it over. Katsuki throws it on and grabs Todoroki’s hand, dragging him down the hallway. 

“Would you let go, I'm coming.” Todoroki says, yanking his hand out of Katsuki's. 

He hadn't even realized he was still holding it, and suddenly he can't shake this ridiculous feeling that his hand feels oddly empty. He shakes his head slightly, attempting to remove that thought. 

-

Shouto opens and closes his hand, the unfamiliar feeling that ran through him like electricity when Bakugou had grabbed it leaves him on edge. He follows the older boy to the cafeteria, the lines are short with them being so late, so they get their food quickly. When they sit down, Shouto feels eyes all over him. 

“What?” Shouto says to no one in particular, the table oddly silent. 

“We’re glad you're here.” Midoriya says, and Shouto can practically hear him smiling. He leans over and bumps his shoulder with his own. 

“Yeah, you can thank me for that.” Bakugou grumbles, taking a bite of tofu. Shouto can't help but let a small smile spread across his lips. He lifts his head, glancing across the table, to look at Momo, only to realize she was already looking at him. 

“Do you remember what you offered a couple weeks ago at lunch?” Shouto asks, and Momo nods. 

“Yeah, about my dad?” She clarifies, and it's Shouto’s turn to nod. 

“Can you text me his information? Touya’s gonna need representation.” Momo gives him a remorseful look, but confirms she will. The meal is mostly quiet from then on, but Shouto can't help but steal a few quick glances at Bakugou. 

-

Katsuki drags a hand down his face as he leans across the receptionist’s desk and scribbles his name on the sign in sheet. 

“You look like shit.” Katsuki looks up and sneers at Mirko. 

“Gee. Thanks.” He mutters, sliding the clipboard back to her. 

“You're extra grouchy, too. What bit you in the ass?” She asks, resting her chin in her hand, manicured fingers tapping at her chin. Katsuki rolls his eyes, before blowing out a deep breath. 

“Just someone from school. He's got some family shit going on and-” Katsuki pauses, hiding his face in his hands. “And I think he's not eating.”

She looks at him, grimacing, before she sighs as well. 

“Oh man. Be careful, okay? Because that's not something you can just fix.” Katsuki nods, before he walks away. ‘Not gonna stop me from trying.’ He thinks to himself as he heads towards the children's ward.

He finds Tenko in the same spot as always. A little table with a small handful of pencils and a stack of blank papers. The trash can is, as always, overflowing with crumpled paper balls. The sight makes something in his chest ache. He watches Tenko from a distance, before turning to go see about finding his doctor. 

He finds the circulation desk in the children's ward, and the people working there seem far less interested in talking to him than Mirko does. He spends a solid minute being ignored before he says something.

“Hey, do you know how I'd go about talking to a patient's doctor?” The girl looks up from her computer, appearing generally disinterested. 

“Why?” She asks, and Katsuki rolls his eyes. 

“I'm a volunteer. Tenko asked me to bring him ice cream and I want to make sure I'm allowed.” The woman looks at him like he's stupid, before rolling her eyes. 

“Who?” Katsuki bites his tongue in an attempt not to shout at this woman. 

“Shimura Tenko. He's a patient, I volunteer to hang out with him once a month, and he asked me to bring him ice cream. I just want to know if I'm allowed to do that?” Katsuki says again, no patience left in his body. The woman shrugs, getting ready to respond, as another woman with purple hair walks up behind her.

“You said Shimura Tenko? He's on my service.” The woman says with a bright smile. Katsuki sighs, shoulders deflating in relief. 

“Thank God. Can I talk to you?” Katsuki asks, and the woman nods, coming out from behind the desk. He takes a glance at her name badge, Tsutsumi Kaina. He takes a breath, and begins his explanation.

“So the first day I visited Tenko asked me if I could get him ice cream, I literally just wanted to know if I'm allowed to do that.” The doctor makes a face, and nods slowly. 

“Unfortunately I have to say no to that. Tenko has a myriad of allergies, and ice cream would definitely cause a flare.” Katsuki nods and purses his lips. 

“Well, is there anything similar he can have? He seems like he's dealing with a lot of shit, and I'd like to bring him something. ” She smiles, and it makes Katsuki feel a little more at ease. 

“How long will you be here?” She asks. 

“I haven't even visited with him yet, so like another hour, an hour and fifteen maybe” Her smile widens. 

“Perfect. I'll come find you with a list of snacks, okay?” He's flooded with relief as he nods his head. 

“Thank you so much.” He says, and when she seems like she's about to end the conversation, he speaks up. 

“Can I ask you one more question?” Her eyebrows go up in surprise. 

“Oh? Sure, what do you need?” He sighs, swallowing nervously. 

“I have a friend… I think he's not eating. How can I help him?” She grimaces, and sets her lips in a tight line. 

“It's really, really great that you want to help your friend, but he has to want to get better, you can't force this. The best thing you can do is just offer opportunities. If he's in therapy, that's the best thing for him right now. Just check in with him, but don't be overbearing about it.” Katsuki nods, he was worried she might say something like that. 

“What if he's… Throwing up too?” She sighs. 

“Just try to support him. That's really all you can do, kid.” Katsuki huffs, but nods his head. 

“Kay, thanks.” He says, slightly frustrated. 

“I'll find you with Tenko, alright?” He nods again, walking back towards the art room. 

He finds Tenko drawing still, which he's never seen him doing anything but drawing, so it's to be expected. 

“Hey.” Katsuki says, nudging Tenko’s shoulder as he walks to the other side of the table. He looks up for a moment before returning to drawing. Katsuki sits down, and waits, but Tenko doesn't seem to want to talk today. 

“Mind if I draw too?” He asks, and Tenko looks up, and shrugs. 

“Whatever.” It makes him laugh, like he's some miniature teenager. He reaches over and grabs a piece of paper, and starts doodling. It's quiet for a bit, and then Tenko’s pencil stops. Katsuki can feel him staring at him, so he stops and looks up. 

“You got a dog?” He asks, and Katsuki shakes his head. 

“Nope. Do you? At home?” He asks, and Tenko looks away, back to his paper. 

“Nah, he died in the fire.” Katsuki's eyebrows shoot up to his hairline. 

“The fire?” He asks.

“Yeah, my family died, too. That's where I saw the hands.” He adds, tapping his paper. Katsuki blinks and nods slowly.

“Oh.”

Tenko grabs the paper he'd been working on and balls it up in his hands. Katsuki sighs quietly, and returns to his drawings. He looks up, then back down when he has an idea. He starts drawing hands. 

He takes his time and adds details to the knuckles and nails, putting genuine effort into it. By the time he's done they kinda look like shit. Katsuki turns the paper around to show Tenko. 

“See, these look like shit. If your hands looked like this, I'd understand why you threw them away.” Tenko looks up and stares at the paper silently. Katsuki looks back, but no one says anything, until the kid turns his attention back to his drawing. 

“When are you bringing me ice cream?” Katsuki barks out a laugh, caught off guard. 

“Man, I was hoping you forgot about that. Listen, I'm gonna bring you something. I can't promise it'll be ice cream, but I'll do what I can.” Tenko rolls his eyes. 

“What, did you talk to my doctor? That's what everyone says. ‘You can't have ice cream, the itching will get worse.’” He says in a mocking tone. 

“I don't really see why it fucking matters, the itching never stops anyways.” Tenko mutters, absentmindedly digging at his bandages. 

“Tenko, your doctors are gonna bring me a list of safe options. I'll even show it to you and you can pick whatever you want, hell I'll buy you the whole list if you want.” Katsuki tries to reassure him, but it does nothing to help. Suddenly the stack of papers are being thrown across the table, along with the pencils. 

“I hate this fucking place, and I hate you!” Tenko shouts, stomping his feet, and before Katsuki has a chance to react, aids are surrounding them, as Tenko kicks and screams. 

“Let me go! Let me fucking go!” He screams, thrashing in their hands. Katsuki freezes for a moment, stunned at the outburst, and the way the people reacted to it. 

“Wait, stop! He didn't do anything!” Katsuki tries to argue, following after the hospital employees. 

“You haven't seen him like this, kid, let us handle it.” Katsuki feels his stomach turn in disgust, as Tenko is dragged away to a room screaming. He stands frozen in the hallway, stunned, and disturbed by the reaction. He's just a kid… 

Katsuki checks the time and sees it's only been a half hour. After the day he's had, he really just wants to go home, but he needs that list. He needs to get Tenko what he wants, needs to show him that he cares and wants to be here for him. He wanders back to the circulation desk, and finds Tenko’s doctor at a computer. 

“I gotta go do something. Can I come back for that paper in a half hour?” He asks, and she looks up at him, confused. 

“Done visiting with Tenko already?” She asks and Katsuki looks away, scratching at the back of his head. 

“I don't know. He freaked out, and some nurses came and dragged him away.” He says with a shrug. 

“Oh. I'm sorry that happened. Are you alright?” The question annoys him more than anything, as he rolls his eyes. 

I’m fine, Tenko though seems like he really just needed someone to listen to him. Not restrain him and drag him back to his room like an animal.” Katsuki says, agitation in his voice. The doctor nods, seeming displeased. 

“You didn't catch any names of the staff that restrained him, did you?” Katsuki shakes his head. 

“No, it happened too quickly.” She nods again, looking thoughtful. 

“I'm going to finish this list for you. You go do what you need to do, and I'll see you back here soon?” 

“Sounds good.” Katsuki says, turning around. He makes his way towards the lobby and his body unconsciously goes to the receptionist’s desk. Mirko looks up, surprised. 

“Hey, how's Tenko?” She asks, handing over the clipboard. 

“Oh, he's great. He had a bad moment and threw some papers and pencils, and a handful of nurses restrained him and forced him to his room.” Katsuki mutters, as Mirko’s eyes go wide, and she leans back in her chair rubbing her temples. 

“Jesus Christ.” She mutters. 

“Yeah.” He grumbles, signing out. “Hey if Tenko told me some information, can you just… confirm and maybe give more details? If you have them, of course.” Mirko hums, before responding. 

“Maybe, what do you know?”

“He told me his family and dog died in a fire.” He tells her, and she nods slightly. 

“Yeah, that's how it all started for him, unfortunately. He was the only one the firefighters were able to save.” She explains and Katsuki swallows. 

“That's fucked up.” He mutters and Mirko nods.

“I know. He tell you anything else?”

“Yeah. Whose hands does he draw? He said he saw them in the fire?” She nods. 

“Yeah. The firefighters found him in his mother's arms. I don't know if it's her hands, or the firefighters, or someone else's. They found most of his family together, so it could be anyone.” She explains as Katsuki soaks up the information. 

“Interesting, thanks.”

“No problem, kid.” 

They say their goodbyes after that, and Katsuki heads back to the children's ward. He can still hear Tenko screaming in his room. It makes his stomach twist, as he hurries back to the desk. 

He finds his doctor relatively quickly, and she's got the list ready. He takes it gratefully, and thanks her. Katsuki makes his way to the exit, waving a final goodbye to Mirko, as he walks out the sliding doors. 

‘Dole whip’ is the first ice cream alternative on the list and he bounces on the balls of his feet. This is the only thing that's gone right for him today, and he can't wait to see Tenko smile when he brings him ice cream next month.

Chapter 6: I’ll Be Fine If I Can Breathe

Notes:

Hello! Sorry for another delayed update, I'm moving into a new classroom at work so I've been so busy making sure my old kiddos and co-teacher will be set, but also getting my new room ready. Anyways, comments and kudos are so appreciated, we hope you enjoy the chapter!

 

Hayz
Gold

Chapter Text

"And I've been trying to hide it
But lately, every time I think I'm better
Pickin' my head up, getting nowhere
Take me back to the basics and the simple life
Tell me all of the things that make you feel at ease
Your touch, my comfort, and my lullaby
Holdin' on tight and sleepin' at night
I've been lyin' to them all
I don't need it anymore
Don't you worry about me.”

EASE - Troye Sivan & BROODS

 

Shouto blinks his eyes open as he hears rustling in his bedroom. He watches Touya dig through his dresser drawer, before grabbing some clothes and slipping out. He's tired, he doesn't know the last time he got more than a few hours of sleep. His eyes start to fall shut, but before he lets it happen, he checks the time. 

‘11:07 am’. He groans, knowing this means he’ll have to get out of bed. Midoriya's party starts at 12:30, so he's barely going to have any time to shower at this point. He closes his eyes, and they sting beneath his eyelids. He's so tired, he feels himself drifting again, and it's so tempting-

The sound of Touya reentering the room jolts him from the sleep he almost gave in too. 

“Hey, you got plans today?” Touya asks, and Shouto nods.

“Yeah. Midoriya's birthday party.” His brother nods back. 

“I've got some errands to run today, you want me to drop you off?” The offer of a ride and not having to walk or take the train floods his body with relief. 

“Yes, that'd be amazing. I just need to shower first.” Shouto mutters, dragging a hand down his face as he forces his body upright. He's dizzy for a moment as he blinks his eyes. The room spins for a moment, and his head throbs. 

“You good, Shou?” Touya asks, and when he opens his eyes, his brother is kneeled right in front of him. 

“‘M’fine. Sorry.” He mutters, before standing up and side stepping around Touya. The guilt gnaws at him, both for lying, and brushing him off. They've barely talked since what their father did, but he doesn't know what to say, and Touya doesn't seem to want to talk. He sighs, and steps into the shower, hoping the hot water will ease some of his stress. 

-

When Shouto arrives at Midoriya's party, he cringes internally. He can hear the voices from where he stands in the hallway, and it just sounds like a lot right now. He sighs and knocks on the apartment door. It swings open a moment later, and Midoriya greets him with a big smile. 

“Todoroki! I'm so glad you made it!” Shouto puts on the most convincing smile he can and steps inside. He looks around and sees about half of the second years are here. There's a group of four on the couch playing a video game, people in the kitchen getting food and drinks, and some card games are happening too. 

He takes a moment to collect himself before going to the least crowded room, which at this time appears to be the kitchen. He looks at the food, and reluctantly grabs a piece of pizza. He hasn't had much of an appetite lately, but maybe food will make him feel more normal. He takes a small bite as he leans against the counter, and starts people watching. 

His eyes land on Kirishima and Sero, standing by the drinks. His heart does a little flip in his chest as Sero leans in to whisper something to the redhead. Shouto looks away, feeling like he's intruding on something, as he takes another small bite of his pizza and tries to find something else to focus on. He tries not to think about if he's missing out on something, if he's broken in some way, because part of him wants that, but he can't think of a time he's ever felt the desire to be close to any specific person like that. 

The thought is pushed from his mind when he hears cheering from the living room. He abandons his pizza on a napkin and walks back in to see what the commotion is about, and Bakugou is standing on the couch, celebrating his victory in the video game. It makes Shouto smile as something swells in his chest. It's unfamiliar and almost uncomfortable. He takes a deep breath, and ignores it, before settling himself in a seat near the TV, and attempting to enjoy himself. 

He watches his classmates talk, and play games together for a little while, as he feels himself getting more, and more overstimulated. The multitude of voices that all meld into a muffled humming with loud video game music in the background sets him on edge. He absentmindedly picks at his skin, too focused to notice when someone walks up to him. 

“You good?” Shouto jumps at the voice that's much closer than any other voice has been for a bit. He looks up to see Bakugou standing next to him. 

“Oh, sorry. I'm fine.” Shouto says, and Bakugou nods to his arm. 

“You're bleeding.” Shouto looks down where he'd been picking, and sure enough he was. 

“Shit.” He mutters, getting to his feet. Bakugou grabs his arm without warning and pulls him through the apartment. 

“I know where the bathroom is, I'll fix up your little boo-boo.” He says, with just enough teasing, that it actually makes him feel somehow normal. 

They reach the small bathroom, and Bakugou grabs a cotton ball, and dabs at the scratch with clean soapy water. Shouto feels his cheeks flush as he finishes cleaning it. Something about this feels… Incredibly intimate. When he's done, he places a band-aid across the scratch. 

“There, all patched up. Now why the fuck did you do that?” Shouto can't help, but smile at the bluntness. 

“It wasn't intentional. I got overstimulated, I don't know, maybe I should just go home.” Shouto says, and he sees something shift in the blond’s eyes. 

“You're fine, Halfie. Just didn't like seeing you hurt yourself. You need some air? They've got a balcony.” Shouto’s eyes widen at the offer. 

“That sounds amazing.”

He follows Bakugou to a sliding door, closing the blinds behind them so no one knows they're out there. Shouto drops into one of the chairs and drags his hands down his face. The exhaustion hits him again as the sun warms him. 

“I'm sorry I've been such a wreck lately.” Shouto says, and Bakugou shrugs. 

“You shouldn't be sorry for that. You've got a lot of shit going on.” He says, and Shouto sighs. 

“That doesn't mean I should make it everyone's problem.” He says, and Bakugou rolls his eyes. 

“We're friends, dumbass. You support your friends.” The admission catches him off guard, Bakugou has always vehemently denied most people's friendship. It makes him feel a little special. He must look smug, because Bakugou starts to blush. 

“Don't get a big fucking head about it!” He barks, and it makes him smile. He thinks he wouldn't mind being Bakugou's friend. They both get quiet as the sounds from the party filters out towards them. 

“So are your parents split?” Bakugou asks, and Shouto’s surprised by the question. 

“Um, it's complicated. They're still married, but if my mom had any say, they wouldn't be.” He admits, nervously. He doesn't like talking about his parents. People always act weird about it. 

“That sounds really fucking awful. Is she, like, stuck with him?” Shouto huffs. 

“Well, no, it's more than that. In an ideal world, I'd be able to live with my mom, but it's not that simple. Not that I'm unhappy living with my siblings, they've just given up a lot for me.” He says feeling anxious. Bakugou nods though, and seems to be done asking about his parents, which is a huge relief. 

“What are your parents like?” Shouto asks, and Bakugou laughs. 

“I don't know. They're good.” He says with a shrug. 

“My mom's a hard ass, but I know she means well, and my dad's chill.” Shouto just nods. He tries to imagine having normal parents, but he literally can't, he doesn't have the faintest clue what it'd be like. 

“So even when you were little, shit was bad at home?” Shouto nods.

“Yeah. My dad's always been an abusive, power hungry asshole, and my mom's family essentially sold her to him. She says she went with him willingly, but they still took the money. Then my brother got stuck raising us, while my dad acts like an overgrown child, and my mom's stuck-”

The sound of the sliding door opening interrupts his sentence, and Midoriya peaks out. 

“Should've known you were out here.” He says, smiling at Bakugou. “Come get some cake, guys!”

And oddly enough, for the first time in a few days, Shouto feels like he could eat something. 

-

Katsuki doesn't know why he kept asking questions, or where they even came from. He hadn't intended to coax Halfie's life story out of him, but the more he revealed, the more curious Katsuki was. He watches the dumb bastard stuff his face with a slice of chocolate cake, and he can barely fucking hold in his excitement. It's embarrassing really. He stuffs a bite of his own cake in his mouth and tries to ignore it. 

He makes his way back to the living room, and finds Deku getting a video game set up on the TV. 

“So, uh, what were you and Todoroki doing on the balcony?” Deku asks with a smirk, and Katsuki narrows his eyes in confusion, before his jaw drops. 

“Fucking- nothing, Deku! Bastard had a panic attack, and needed some fresh air. Bite me.” Deku laughs as he finishes setting up the game. 

“Alright, wanna go see if anyone else wants in on a Smash tournament?” 

“Yeah, me.” Katsuki says, snatching a controller, and setting up a character. Deku laughs again and steps out, probably to go do exactly what he'd asked Katsuki to do. He continues looking through the characters, and tries to pretend that there isn't a part of him that might like getting to know Todoroki better. 

-

As the party starts to wind down, Shouto finds a convenient chance to leave, with his social battery being depleted. He starts to say his goodbyes when he hears Bakugou holler at him. 

“Halfie, you got a ride?” He looks at the blond and shakes his head. 

“No, I was just going to walk.”

“If you can wait a little bit, my mom's coming for me anyways. We can drop you off.”

Shouto considers it for a moment, before agreeing. He really doesn't have it in him to walk home, he just didn't think he had a choice. The blond finishes up his goodbyes, and meets him at the door. 

“C’mon, let's go. She'll be here soon and if I'm not down there, she's gonna lecture me the whole drive to your place.” Shouto just nods, and follows Bakugou to the elevator. The ride down is quiet and Shouto enjoys the silence, until he hears Bakugou take a breath, before he speaks. 

“I hope I didn't make you uncomfortable earlier, asking about your family. If I-” He sighs, before finishing. 

“If I did, I'm fucking sorry, okay?” Shouto can't help but laugh. Bakugou really reminds him of Touya sometimes. 

“You're okay. It was nice in a way. Most people get all awkward and quiet when I talk about my family. It was… Nice to just be able to talk about it without a weird subject change, or people looking at me like I'm broken.” Bakugou scoffs. 

“That's… That's really fucking shitty.” He says, and Shouto doesn't know the last time he laughed this much. 

“Yeah, it kinda is.” He agrees, and they step outside into the warm evening air. A car pulls up seconds later, and Shouto slides into the backseat with Bakugou next to him. The car is silent for a moment as Bakugou narrows his eyes towards the rearview mirror. 

“What?!” He shouts and his mom smirks. 

“Oh nothing.” She says, turning her attention to Shouto. “You must be Todoroki. It's nice to meet you.”

“It's nice to meet you as well.” Shouto says with a polite nod. The drive is quiet after that, and Shouto can't find a reason to complain. They get to his apartment building, and say their goodbyes. 

“Thank you for the ride, I'll see you at school, Bakugou.”

“Yeah, see ya, Halfie.” He responds, and Shouto goes home, feeling more at peace than he has in a while. 

-

“He seems nice.” His mom says, smirking, and Katsuki gives her a look. 

“Yeah? I guess.” He says, and she laughs.

“You don't usually sit in the backseat.” She notes, and he feels his cheeks heat up. 

“I just didn't want him to be uncomfortable, you're the one always lecturing me about being fucking considerate, so what's your point?!” He shouts, and she laughs at him. 

“Fucking relax back there, you're going to hurt yourself, brat.” Katsuki sneers, and slumps back in his seat as he crosses his arms over his chest. 

“So is he Todoroki Enji’s son?” She asks after a moment of silence, and Katsuki scoffs. 

“Yeah, that's his deadbeat dad.” Her lips are drawn into a tight line as they pull into their driveway. 

“I'm glad you're his friend. He needs good friends.” Katsuki raises an eyebrow. 

“What, do you know something about them?” She sighs, and looks at Katsuki as they both climb out of the car. 

“Being an adult, I know a lot about their family, unfortunately. I'm sure he'll tell you more when he’s ready, I just know his father has hurt them, very badly.”

Katsuki nods at his mom's quieter, more gentle tone. It always catches him off guard when she's like this, but at least he knows when something is truly important, she reigns herself in. Still, it's nagging at him now, and if she knows something… 

“What'd he do? To his family?” He asks, following her into the house. 

“Katsuki, it's really not my place to say.” She answers, moving into the kitchen to unload the dishwasher. It's one of his least favorite chores, so she's probably doing this to get him to go away. He grabs some clean dishes and keeps talking. 

“You know it won't get back to him, or anyone. So what happened?” He asks again, and she sighs. 

“You're insufferable.” She groans. “Fine, but keep it to yourself.” He nods, and continues helping her clean. 

“His mother was sent away for burning him. She had an entire smear campaign against her while Enji was revered as a hero for ‘Saving his children’. It all went downhill for him though when his oldest child fought for custody. Told anyone who would listen how he drove their mom to her breaking point, where she burned Shouto. He's still trying to fix his image. It probably lost him his chance at being a minister years ago, and he hasn't been able to recover since.”

Katsuki listens, as rage courses through his veins. He knew from the little information he had that his father was bad, but this is just absurd.

“He thought getting custody of Shouto back would help, but because of how things ended, he basically shot himself in the foot. It was deserved in the end, but that poor kid has suffered at his father’s hands. Is it true that they're in another custody battle?” Katsuki sighs, and nods. 

“Yeah.” He whispers, and it sounds so heavy, it all feels so heavy. 

“How… How can I help him?” He asks hesitantly and she turns around and smiles. 

“Just keep doing what you're doing.” She advises, and Katsuki nods. The advice frustrates him, and he wishes people would just tell him what he needs to do. 

 

Chapter 7: Why Is My Heart Inside My Throat?

Notes:

Hiiii! Sorry for the super late post, I hope everyone enjoys this update! Comments and kudos are always appreciated!

Hayz
Gold

Chapter Text

“Ask me why my heart's inside my throat
I've never been in love, I've been alone
Feel like I've been living life asleep
Love so strong it makes me feel so weak
Are you lonely? (Are you lonely?)
Our fingers dancing when they meet
You seem so lonely (are you lonely?)
I'll be the only dream you seek.”

This Side Of Paradise - Coyote Theory

 

Katsuki doesn't know how he keeps accidentally ending up on the arts side of UA, but aside from Hatsume, a handful of his friends are in the arts department, so at least he’s got an excuse. He peaks inside the ceramics room, when he hears voices, and finds Todoroki and Deku working at a table. He’s carving details into a clay pot in his hands. He must've finally gotten himself together enough to sculpt something. Katsuki's not close enough to hear their conversation, but a pang of… Something hits him in the middle of the chest when Deku makes Todoroki laugh. His eyes widen and he backs away quickly when he makes a connection in his head. 

He's not jealous, there's no reason to be. Nope, Deku wouldn't do that to him. No, that's not right either. Deku’s not doing anything to him, because he doesn't have feelings for Todoroki. Nope. 

He trudges across the building and finds Hatsume in the chemistry classroom, sketching something. He sits down across from her, and she looks up excitedly. 

“I've got it all planned out!” She says, laying her notebook out in front of him with a doodle of their robot. 

“This is where the robot will collect and reserve the energy from the explosions. It'll move with a conveyor belt system that will rotate a belt, and it should be able to pick up objects that weigh 20 pounds or less with a pulley system!” Katsuki blinks as he tries to keep up with Hatsume’s ramblings before she turns her head and stops talking. 

“You seem off.” She says, tapping a finger on her chin, and his eyes widen slightly. 

“I seem like I'm trying to process the ramblings of a psychopath.” He says nonchalantly as Hatsume narrows her eyes and leans in. She studies him a moment longer before gasping. 

“You like someone!” She says, slamming her hand down on the notebook. 

“Wow, you're crazier than I thought.” He says with an eye roll. 

“Who is it? Kirishima? Midoriya?” She gasps again. “Kaminari?!”

“Are you on crack?!” Katsuki snaps. “Out of all the people, you think it'd be Spark plug ?”

“Well, tell me then!” She says, grabbing his shoulder and shaking him. 

“It's no one, damn it!” He says, knocking her arm away. “Can we just focus on this damn robot? Does the belt around the wheels help with the pulley system?” He asks, and he can see the way she refocuses. Relief floods his body, grateful the interrogation has stopped. He's gotta figure this shit out. 

“Alright! I need everyone's attention up here, please.”

Katsuki's head snaps up from his own notes as he looks at Aizawa. 

“As you know, the school festival is next month. If your submissions aren't ready, now's the time to buckle down. Your department needs bots for the bot battles turned in within 3 weeks. The arts department also asks that if you want to display something in their gallery, you turn it in in 3 weeks as well. Athletics department is still taking input on their obstacle course, and lastly the business department is still taking donations for their raffle baskets. That's all, return to your work.”

Katsuki looks at Hatsume. 

“You bring in an old bot?” She nods. 

“Mhm, sure did! I can't wait to watch my baby destroy everyone else's!” Katsuki laughs. 

“Yeah, we'll see. I've got old bots in there as well.” Hatsume gets a mischievous glint in her eye. 

“Well, may the best man win then.” She says sticking out her hand, but as Katsuki goes to shake she pulls it back. 

And if I win, you have to tell me who your crush is.” She says, with a smug grin. 

“There's no crush, moron!” He hisses, snatching her hand and shaking it. 

-

When he goes to see Rei that night, she seems distracted. Neither of them talk much, sitting in silence and knitting together. He's almost finished the small blanket he's been working on for a couple weeks now. Classes have been intense with preparing for the festival and regular projects, add in between volunteering, and checking in on Shouto he's barely had time to breathe. 

He looks up from his stitches as he hears a knock on the door, he turns to look at Rei and finds her looking confused. 

“You want me to get it?” He asks, and she smiles with a small nod. He climbs to his feet, and opens the door to find a taller man with bright blue eyes and white hair standing in front of him. He's carrying a box of what appears to be baked goods. He raises an eyebrow when he sees Katsuki. 

“You the volunteer Fuyumi and Natsuo have been telling me about?” He asks, and Katsuki raises an eyebrow. 

“Uh, I guess?” He says confused, and the guy looks unimpressed. 

“I see. Touya.” He says, introducing himself before walking into the room without another word. He sets the box down on a table, as Katsuki closes the door, feeling confused and a little uncomfortable. It hits him this is the first time he hasn't immediately hit it off with one of her kids, and for some reason that bothers him. 

He turns around to see them embracing. 

“Sorry I haven't been around much.” Touya says quietly, and Katsuki suddenly feels like he really shouldn't be here. 

“Sorry, I can go if you'd like.” Katsuki says, as he starts collecting his stuff. 

“You don't gotta fucking go, whole family loves you, so you may as well stay.” Touya says, rolling his eyes, and Katsuki's about to give the man a taste of his own medicine when Rei laughs. The sound catches him off guard and he looks at her like she's crazy. 

“Don't take him seriously, Katsuki. He's just mad because we keep telling him how much you remind us of him.”

“Be quiet!” Touya says, sticking his tongue out. “Don't listen to her, she's crazy. That's why she's here.” Touya says with a pout, and the comment shocks him, but when he looks at Rei, she's laughing even harder. He can see amusement behind Touya's brooding look, and it makes him feel a little better. A little less nervous. He watches him search the room with his eyes, before they land on the knitting needles sticking out of his bag. He smirks a little and shakes his head. 

“You knit?” He asks, and Katsuki hates the fact that he cares what this guy thinks. 

“Yeah, sometimes.” He mutters, shrugging. Touya smiles before speaking again. 

“Natsuo says you're not bad at Hanafuda.” Katsuki can't help but grin, he has gotten better. 

“I guess, your mom's a hell of a lot better.” Katsuki says, and Touya chuckles. 

“Yeah, haven't ever met anyone better than her, honestly.” He says, stroking his chin. 

“Oh quit that, I'm far from the best.” She says, smiling at her son. 

“Well, you're the best I know so I think that's all that matters.” He says, smug, she smiles fondly, and turns her attention to the box on the counter. 

“So what'd you bring me?” She asks and Touya's mood seems to shift. 

“Ah! Yes. Just stopped at the bakery by our apartment. There's cookies, donuts and muffins.” He says, grabbing the box, and placing it in front of his mom. She opens it and looks at Touya. 

“I sure hope you're taking this home, I certainly can't eat all this myself.” Touya chuckles. 

“Yeah, I went a little overboard. I can leave it here for you to share, or take it with me. Whatever you want.” Rei looks through the box, before looking up again. 

“I think your baby brother would have your head if you didn't bring some of this home to him.” 

Katsuki watches as the two go back and forth, before he decides to pull the needles out of his backpack and start knitting again. He focuses on his stitches as the voices get quiet, and he looks up to see them whispering to each other. His insecurities creep up, and for a moment he's about to snap at them, until he bites his tongue at the looks on their faces. 

Touya’s definitely crying and Rei doesn't look far off. He strains his ears, and tries not to feel guilty for listening in. They told him to stay, right? Should've told him to fuck off if they didn't want him to overhear. He pretends to be focused on his knitting, and absorbs their conversation. 

“I just feel like I'm failing them, mom. I've let him down so much.” Touya says as his voice cracks. 

“You're doing your best. This isn't even something that should be your responsibility. You've done more than most people would've done in your position.” Rei assures him as Touya takes a shaky breath. 

“I hate him so much, mom.” He says with a quiet, desperate sob. Rei looks heartbroken as she tries to comfort her son, and it's at that moment Katsuki decides he's heard enough. He tunes out the whispering, until the room gets silent. 

“Hey, blondie.” Katsuki looks up at the nickname, sneering, and Touya looks amused.

“Yeah, whaddaya want, old man?!” He snaps and it makes Touya laugh. This family really pisses him off. 

“You played with Natsuo, and my sister watched you play against my mom, it's time you play against me.” Touya says gesturing to the game of Hanafuda he must've set up after Katsuki tuned them out. He smirks, and shoves the needles and yarn in his bag. 

“Yeah, fine, why not.” He says with a shrug, moving over to the table. 

He loses. He loses every game, and Touya’s got that same smug look Natsuo had each time he won. It pisses Katsuki off, but as always he's stayed way later than he should, and he's gonna hear about it from his mom. 

“You're all a bunch of cheaters.” Katsuki mutters, packing his bag, and Touya’s tipped back in one of the chairs, cackling at him. 

“And you're the worst!” Katsuki says, kicking one of the chair legs, sending Touya tumbling out of the seat. Rei’s laughing now, and Katsuki has to look away so they don't see him grinning as Touya shouts various threats at him before he slips out the door. 

He makes his way to the exit and Mirko hands him the sign out sheet wordlessly. He takes it and quickly scribbles his name across the sheet. 

“See ya next week, Mirko.” He says with a wave. 

“Have a good week, kid.” She responds, tapping away at her computer. 

-

Shouto groans as his phone rings, interrupting his music as he wipes a single finger clean on the wash cloth next to him.

“Yeah?” Shouto asks, when he answers Touya's call. 

“Hey, you gonna be home soon? I'm going to see mom.” Shouto silently curses himself as he looks at the time, and the project he's working on. 

“I can't.” He says with a sigh. “Gotta get this project finished for the school festival next month, and I'm still catching up on class work. I'm sorry, Touya.”

“Don't worry about it, Shou, just be easy on yourself, okay? Make sure you pick up some dinner, alright?” Shouto nods to himself. 

“Yeah, I will.” He agrees, as the door opens behind him, he turns to see Midoriya who had also been prepping some manga pages for his display. He and Touya finish their call as Midoriya plops down in a seat across from him. 

“Who was that?” He asks, sticking his tongue out as he works on some shading. 

“Just Touya.” He mumbles, dragging a wet sponge up the side of the coil vase he's making. He looks at the reference photo on his phone. It's a flower vase, made of smoothed out clay coils, painted to look like a cat. It has two points on top resembling ears and a raised coil wrapped around the base to imitate a tail. He studies his own in comparison, and sighs. It's fine, he thinks, dejectedly. 

“What are you going to display for the school festival?” Midoriya asks, and Shouto looks up quickly.

“Oh.” He says, quietly, before turning his phone towards Midoriya. 

“My mom introduced me to ceramics when I was young. This was the last project she made, before her mental health took a turn for the worse.” Shouto says, showing Midoriya the reference photo of a coil vase. 

“I'm going to recreate it and display them both.”

“Wow, your base is great! I can't wait to see it painted and glazed!” Shouto smiles softly at the compliment and thanks his friend before laying his phone down, and returning to smoothing out the coils. He's finally getting back on track with his school work, and the pot he had thrown on the wheel is currently sitting in a cabinet covered in damp paper towels to help keep it in a firm, but workable state. 

He turns the vase, and smiles at the sight of the smooth surface. He'll let it dry tonight, and start painting it tomorrow. Midoriya yawns, and rubs at his eyes, leaving a graphite shadow that resembles a black eye. 

“Oh, Midoriya-” Shouto says, as he starts laughing. 

“What?” He asks, touching his face, and looking around him. “What'd I do?!” He asks, smiling, as Shouto calms himself down. 

“Here, look.” He says, pulling up his phone camera, and pointing it towards his friend. Midoriya starts laughing so hard he almost falls out of his seat when he sees his own face, and Shouto joins him, laid out across the table with a deep belly laugh. It's more than he's laughed in a while, he's not sure how long actually. It feels good though, makes the feeling in his chest a little lighter as the laughter settles. 

“Okay, I think we've officially been here long enough. Do you wanna grab dinner before we head home?” Midoriya asks, and Shouto remembers his promise to his brother as he nods. 

“Yeah. That'd be good.”

-

They get to a little diner downtown about a half hour later, they sit down at a booth and Shouto looks outside at a familiar building. 

“Did you know that's where my mom is?” Shouto asks, pointing to the hospital across the street. 

“Oh, I had no idea. Did you want to go see her when we're done here?” Shouto shakes his head. He doesn't usually visit her alone, not that he doesn't want to, but it's hard for him. He loves her, but a part of him is still afraid of her. He resents himself for it, but the last time he tried to go see her without his siblings, he sent himself into a panic attack, and he doesn't want to do that to her again. 

“No, I'll go see her with Fuyumi soon.” He says with a shrug, Midoriya just nods before turning his attention to the menu. Shouto looks over his options when he hears the door to the diner open up, and when he looks up, he sees Bakugou walk in. As if the blond sensed him looking, he turns and their eyes meet. He seems surprised, but starts walking towards their table. 

“What're you fuckers doing here?” He asks, reaching their table, and throwing himself in the booth next to Midoriya. It catches him off guard as he drops his menu. 

“Oh! Hi Kacchan.” He says, straightening himself out. 

“Hi, nerd. What sounds good?” He asks, taking the menu from him. Shouto smiles, he's always enjoyed watching the two of them bicker. 

“Well, if you'd give me my menu back, I could decide.” Bakugou ignores the comment and looks at Shouto. 

“What the hell are you two up to anyways?” He asks. 

“We were working on our projects for the school festival.” He answers and Bakugou nods. 

“What’re you gonna display?” He asks, as he and Midoriya silently fight over the menu before their waiter comes over, and awkwardly gives them a third, which Bakugou quickly snatches up, sticking his tongue out at Midoriya. Shouto chuckles to himself, as he unlocks his phone. 

“This is something my mom made a long time ago. I'm recreating it, and going to display them together in the gallery.” Bakugou smiles at the photo of the vase and nods. 

“That's pretty cool.” 

“What about you, have enough people entered bots for your battle?” Shouto asks, as he turns his attention back to his menu. 

“Oh yeah, a lot of us had to make one in middle school, so quite a few people just reused them. Hatsume entered like 5 though because she's psychotic.” Shouto laughs at that, the thought of having 5 tiny robots just sitting around amused him. 

“That's… a lot of robots.” He comments with a smirk, and Katsuki laughs. 

“Yeah, she calls them her babies.” Something about that is endearing to Shouto, he's familiar with holding your work so close to your heart. 

“That's sweet though, that it means so much to her.” Bakugou looks up, and they accidentally make eye contact again for a moment. 

“Yeah.” Bakugou agrees. “I guess it is.” 

They order their dinner not long after that, the conversation dissipating. It's a comfortable silence though, and Shouto is grateful to have friends he doesn't have to force conversation with, who don't seem to think the quiet is a bad thing. 

When they leave after paying for their meal, they end up splitting up outside the restaurant, Bakugou and Shouto turning away from Midoriya who lives the other way. They walk mostly in silence till Bakugou speaks up. 

“How's shit at home?” Bakugou asks him, and Shouto nods as he thinks. 

“I mean, fine. My brother and I haven't been talking as much, which sucks, but I think it's just due to all the stress we're both under. With his court stuff, and the projects I'm catching up on, and then I'll also be in court this Friday, I feel like I'm just trying to stay sane at this point.” Bakugou nods as he listens. 

“I get that. Been feeling the same way myself.” Shouto looks at him, head cocked to the side.

“Is everything alright?” And the blond nods. 

“Oh yeah, everything's fine. I've just recently taken on some extra obligations outside school, and it's gotten a little overwhelming.” He says with a shrug, and Shouto nods, he gets it more than most people if he's being honest. It makes him worry though, he doesn't want to be the reason Bakugou is having a hard time.

Chapter 8: Brother, I’m Counting On You To Be My Wings

Summary:

Hello! Saturday update instead of Sunday so I've got that going for me! This chapter is a little intense, so if you're worried about the more sensitive topics there will be warnings in the notes at the end of the chapter, if you want to check that out before you read. As always take care of yourself!
Me
Gold

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

“As I breathe into our silence
There's a voice that comforts me
It's a voice of understanding
It's the voice of empathy
Wings of feathers, tails, and fin tips
We feel each rock so differently
You gave me more than I could ask for
Indistinguishability
So carry me from these walls
Brother of mine.”

Rule #4 Fish In a Birdcage - Fish in a Birdcage

 

Shouto swore that he blinked and then suddenly it was Friday. Touya woke him up at 7, so they could make it to the courthouse by 8. They drive in an uncomfortable silence as Shouto bounces nervously in his seat. 

“Yaoyorozu is representing us then?” Shouto asks, chewing on his bottom lip. His brother nods, eyes glued to the road, with a white-knuckle grip on the steering wheel. 

“Yeah. They're really nice people, and he's a good lawyer too.” Shouto nods. Momo is one of the kindest people he knows, so it's not a surprise. Touya sighs and glances at Shouto as they pull into a parking spot. 

“You know this probably won't be an open and shut thing, right? This is probably dad's last attempt at custody, and he's gonna play dirty.” Shouto nods, as his face twists in disgust. 

“Yeah, after what he pulled a few weeks ago, that was my assumption.” Shouto says, a hint of contempt in his voice. 

“He won't win though, and you know the plan if he does, right?” He nods to answer his brother. Emancipation was never something he considered, it wasn't something he needed to consider, but if by some act of misfortune the court favors their father that's the next route. They climb out of the car in sync, and walk into the building. 

-

Shouto sits in the uncomfortable chair and rests his chin in his hand at the defense table while their father's lawyer tries to pick Touya apart. 

“So you admit that you put your own pleasure over a child's well-being?” He says, as Touya sighs, dragging a hand down his face. 

“I admit that I went out with my boyfriend after work while being the guardian of a 15 year old.” He says, staring at their lawyer, who nods at him. 

“No further questions.” He says to the judge, before returning to Enji’s side. The man looks smug, and it makes Shouto nauseated. 

“Are you ready for this? It might be hard to see.” Yaoyorozu explains as he climbs to his feet. Shouto just nods, preparing himself for what they're about to show the jury. 

“Touya, could you please tell us about the state Shouto was in when he was returned to you.” His brother nods, swallowing nervously as he looks at him. 

“He was emaciated. Like he hadn't eaten since I'd last seen him. Beneath his clothes, he was covered in bruises, like nothing I'd ever seen before. He didn't sleep through the night for almost a year after he came back.” Touya says, and his voice is quiet. 

“The defense has photographic evidence from when he came home they'd like to share with the court.” Yaoyorozu says, and the judge nods, before the photos are projected onto a screen. Shouto knew this was coming, but he winces, clenching his teeth when he sees the photos. He vividly remembers the beatings those came from. 

He catches his brother’s eye, as he mouths ‘I'm sorry’ to him. Shouto shakes his head though, wishing he could share his thoughts with him. ‘It's not your fault.’ He thinks desperately. 

“And these nightmares were new?” Their lawyer asks, and Touya nods. 

“Shouto had them occasionally when he was younger, but they mostly stopped for a couple years. These ones were different though, worse. He'd wake up screaming, typically scared someone was going to hurt him.” Touya explains, fingers tapping nervously on the stand. 

“What else was different about Shouto?”

“Everything. He stopped talking, barely ate, he'd make himself sick when he was scared, or frustrated. It was horrifying to see.”

“And what is your biggest concern with your father getting custody of Shouto?”

“I think Shouto would either kill himself, or our father would kill him.” Touya answers bluntly. It sends a shiver down his spine, because Shouto knows it's true. 

“No further questions.” 

Touya steps down from the stand, and joins Shouto back at the defense table, lawyer right behind. He puts a hand on Shouto’s shoulder. 

“Are you ready? They're gonna call you up next.” Shouto takes a shaky breath and nods, as his name is called by the judge to take the stand. He climbs to his feet, and crosses the room to take his position. 

“Shouto, how long were you with your father last he had custody of you?” He questioned. 

“A month.” He answers bluntly. 

“So after a month, your brother implies that you came home holding onto your sanity by a string?” Shouto nods, he remembers how he felt getting back to Touya, and how scared he was. 

“Yes, that's correct.”

“You're all certain that was your father's fault, and not just passed down by your mother, who is currently being held in a hospital for her own mental instability?” Shouto’s nails dig into the wood of the stand, as he holds himself back from shouting. 

“Yes, I'm sure. The only time my mother has hurt me was when Enji pushed her to her breaking point, and she burned me. He is the cause of suffering in our family.” Shouto answers, fists now balled at his sides. 

“Did you harm yourself and blame your father for it, so your social worker would send you back to live with Touya?”

Shouto turns his head to look at his brother and their lawyer as he feels his throat start to burn. Touya looks angry, but he just nods. Shouto turns back to the lawyer as his nails dig into his thigh. 

“No, the only way I ever hurt myself was forcing myself to throw up. Every bruise on my body when I came home was his doing, and that social worker didn't give a shit about me! She didn't take me home till he sent me away! He shouldn't even be getting-” Shouto loses his hold on his anger part way through his response, but gets interrupted by the judge. 

“Todoroki Shouto, I need you to calm down, or you will be removed from the witness stand.” His mouth snaps shut, and he glares at his father. 

“Touya is right. If I am sent back to live with him, I will die by his hands or my own.” 

“No further questions.”

Their lawyer stands up to begin his questions, and Shouto feels himself start to disassociate. A cloud falls over his mind, as he mindlessly answers the lawyer's questions. By the time he comes down from the stand, he feels like a shell. He sits next to Touya with his knees to his chest as more people are questioned. 

He doesn't listen because he can't bear to listen to anyone speak highly of his father. The people he's either paid off, or just don't know the real him. The number of times the words ‘He's an upstanding man’ or ‘I wouldn't question trusting him with my child’ filters into his mind disgusts him. Every part of his body aches from the way he tenses up his muscles. He jumps when someone nudges his shoulder, before he looks up to see Touya. 

“It's over for today.” He explains, and Shouto nods as he stumbles to his feet. Touya wraps an arm around him, and leads him out to their car. He sits in the passenger's seat with his head resting against the window, as Touya turns the car on. 

“Can we go visit mom?” He asks, barely audible, but his brother hears him. 

“Yeah, that sounds good.” He agrees, backing out of the parking spot. 

-

“You heard from Todoroki?” Katsuki asks Deku, dropping into an open seat at their lunch table. He just shakes his head. 

“Nothing yet.” He answers and Bakugou looks at Momo. 

“What about you, Ponytail, you know anything?” She just shrugs, before responding. 

“All my father would tell me was that it went well overall.” Katsuki nods as he digests the information, itching to text Todoroki, but not wanting to bug him. 

He's fine, he's with his brother. It's gonna be alright. He tries to reassure himself as he digs into his lunch. 

-

Shouto sits on his mom's bed, as she and Touya talk about the case. 

“His lawyer tried to say Shouto was hurting himself, that the bruises covering his body were self-inflicted.”

Shouto can feel them looking at him, but he just stares at his feet, exhausted. The bed dips next to him as an arm wraps around him. 

“I'm so sorry.” His mom whispers, leaning her head against his. Shouto feels the tears sitting at the edge of his waterline, as he blinks and they fall, soaking into her sheets. He shakes his head because she shouldn't be sorry. She's not the cause of any of this. 

“‘s not your fault.” He mumbles, wiping his nose. He leans into her touch, and lets his eyes fall shut as she runs gentle fingers through his hair. For a moment, he feels little again. He's 7 years old, laying in his mom's lap as she plays with his hair. It's comforting and he loses himself in it. 

He's not sure how long they stay like that while she and Touya talk, but eventually it ends. The fingers retreat from his hair, and he peels himself away from her comforting touch, as he and Touya say bye to their mom, and go back to the apartment. 

He doesn't feel right even once they get home, and he knows why. He knows what’s sitting just below the surface. He watches his brother move around the kitchen preparing dinner, and he wonders if he should tell him. He opens his mouth, as Touya starts chopping an onion, but nothing comes out. 

“You wanna help me with this?” Touya asks, but when he looks at him, his face drops. Shouto reaches up and touches his face, feeling tears track down his cheeks. Touya gently sets the knife down as he steps closer to his brother. 

“What's wrong? Is it about today? Listen, that lawyer is a pig-” Shouto shakes his head, mouth still wide open as he tries to speak. 

“I need to tell you something. Just- just in case we need it as- as a- a last resort or somethin’.” He whispers, forcing the words out. There's concern etched into every crease and wrinkle on his face, and Shouto can feel the panic setting in. 

“Okay, yeah, anything Shouto.” Touya responds as his own breathing picks up, and he starts to shake. 

“Never mind, never mind, I can't. Never mind.” Shouto says, shaking his head. He starts to back up, he wants to go to their room, to hide. Touya grabs his shoulders though, and leads him to their couch. 

“Breathe with me, buddy, it's alright.” Touya says, squeezing his shoulders to try to ground him, as a sob slips out. Suddenly, before he can even consider it, the words start to spill like water from his lips. 

“Th-the throwing up thing. It started a-as something else.” He admits between sobs. He can see so much concern in his brother's eyes, and it makes him want to shut up, he doesn't want him to know, he doesn't want him to think any worse of him. 

“There's something dad did that I never told you, that I-I've never told anyone.” He gags, with a hand pressed over his mouth. 

“Shouto, please whatever it is, I just want to help.” Touya says, and it comes out so gentle it makes Shouto sick. 

“Dad would- he used to make me-” He stops, swallowing as spit collects in his mouth. It makes him feel even more disgusting. 

“He'd make me give him blow jobs- and, and, and, he'd only s-stop when he got too rough, and I-I'd get sick.” 

Touya's body goes completely still as Shouto sobs into his chest. His arms are tight around his body as he holds him close. 

“It just got worse. It started with that, b-but then I'd just start throwing up anytime he got near me, and then he started restricting food, and-” Shouto sobs, hiccuping as he leans in closer to Touya. His brother gently hushes him, whispering reassuring words against his head. He can feel him shaking though, the rage beneath the surface is obvious. They stay like that for a while, when the tears start to slow and Touya gets up from the couch. 

“Where are you going?” Shouto asks quietly, but Touya doesn't respond, grabbing his keys off the hook by the door. 

“Touya?!” Shouto yells as he shuts the apartment door behind him. 

Fuck

-

Touya flies down the road, breaking every speed limit in every area he speeds through without thought. Every bone in his body is screaming at him to go to his father’s house, but he can't, he knows he can't do that. He pulls into the parking lot of a set of apartments across town. He flings the doors open, and runs up a flight of stairs, taking them two at a time before stopping at a door, and pounding as hard as he can. 

It only takes a moment before the door flies open, a man with blond hair, and bright yellow eyes staring back. 

“Jesus Touya, what the fuck?!” Keigo asks, as Touya shoves passed him into the apartment. He paces back and forth frantically as his boyfriend stares at him. 

“Okay, you're starting to freak me out, what happened?”

“I'm gonna kill my dad. I have to.” Touya mutters, and Keigo just nods. 

“Okay, did something happen at today's hearing?” He asks, and Touya shakes his head frantically, his tongue darting out to wet his lips. 

“Nah, nothing- that's not it. Shouto and I talked after and-” He stops, swallowing loudly. “I have to kill him, there's no other answer.”

“Okay so, I'm gonna play the part of a logical partner real quick. If you kill your father, you can't be Shouto’s guardian.” He advises.

“Fuyumi would be better at it anyways, and then my dad's not an option.” Touya argues, without even pausing to think. 

“Okay, but how much more traumatizing would it be for Shouto if you went to jail. Especially if you went to jail because of something he told you. He'd never forgive himself.” Touya stops in his tracks to glare at Keigo. 

“I hate you.” He spits and Keigo nods. 

“I know, I know. That's exactly why you're here, because of how much you hate me.” The blond says, lazily. 

“Besides killing your father, what can I do to help you, Touya?” He asks, walking up to the taller man, and placing a hand to each cheek. He feels the tension slip from his body as he leans down towards Keigo. Suddenly his eyes are flooded with tears, as he goes limp in his hold. 

“I'm so fucking scared, Kei. Things are so much worse than I knew.” He sobs, wrapping his arms around him. Keigo pulls him closer without a word, supporting him in any way he can. 

“I'm here. It's gonna be alright. Whatever happened, you'll all get through it.” Keigo whispers, holding Touya close. 

The two men end up slumped against the couch, as Touya lays against him, listening to the sound of his heart beat flooding his ears. It's the most comforting sound he could hear right now as he just lies there, and bathes in the comfort from Keigo's presence. Eventually he sits up, and looks at his boyfriend. 

“I'm sorry I scared you.” He whispers and Keigo smiles. 

“You're fine. You were scared. I'm glad you came to me.” He says, pressing their foreheads together. Touya sighs and presses back. 

“You busy this week?” He whispers, and Keigo shakes his head. 

“Nope. Free as a bird.” He says, making Touya smirk before pulling back so he can look at him. 

“You wanna meet my siblings?” He asks, and Keigo smiles, nodding quickly. 

“Yeah, I'd really like that.” Touya smiles before leaning in and pressing their mouths together. This moment was exactly what he needed, to pull himself back together. The press of his lips grounds him like nothing else, settling something that burns unbearably hot inside of him. He pulls away reluctantly though as he thinks about Shouto. He does need to go home and talk to him. 

“Kei, I'm so sorry, I have to get back to Shouto.” Touya says, getting to his feet, and the blond nods. 

“Nah, I totally understand. I love you though, let me know more about meeting your family.”

“I love you, and I will.” He says, pressing his lips to Keigo’s once more before running out the door. 

When Touya gets home, the apartment is dark. He sighs, dragging his hands down his face. He walks into the kitchen, and finds the mess he'd made to start dinner was cleaned up, which is a relief. He walks into his and Shouto’s room, and can immediately tell his brother isn't in bed. He doesn't spend any time wondering though, just looks across the room to his own bed, where he can see a body beneath the blankets. He crosses the room, and sits on the edge of the bed, nudging Shouto. 

“You awake?” He asks quietly, and Shouto nods. 

“I'm sorry for the way I left.” He rolls over and Touya doesn't miss his tear soaked face. 

“Where'd you go?” Shouto asks quietly, and he looks terrified. 

“Just to see Keigo. I needed to calm down, because I was ready to kill dad.” Shouto nods silently, and he looks exhausted. 

“I'm sorry if I scared you.”

“It's alright. I'm just glad you didn't actually kill him.” Shouto whispers and Touya can't help but laugh as tears collect in his own eyes. 

“Sorry, kid, you're stuck with me.” He says, brushing Shouto’s hair from his face. He says nothing, blinking up at Touya. The silence is heavy between them as the question sits heavy in his mind, until the words eventually come out.

“Did it… Did he do more?” Touya asks, and he feels Shouto shudder. 

“He tried. Like I said, he didn't like it when I got sick.” Shouto mumbles, and Touya bites his tongue so he doesn't scream. They don't speak after that, Shouto just scoots over in Touya’s bed, and they both lay down. Touya doesn't know how long he lies and stares at the ceiling before sleep eventually comes for him. 

-

Shouto doesn't leave the bedroom very much that weekend, he just sleeps. He can hear Fuyumi and Natsuo trying to figure out what's going on, and Touya just keeps telling them that court was rough on Friday, and-

It's not a lie. It's just not the whole truth.

It feels like Touya is constantly bringing him food, and Shouto picks at it when he feels able. Truth be told, he hasn't stopped feeling sick since he told his brother everything. He thought it'd feel better if he talked about it, and stopped repressing it, but he just feels gross. 

He can hear the terrible things his father would say to him, the awful feeling of him whispering in his ear. Fingers curled in his hair, using him like a puppet. 

The bile rises in his throat before he even realizes it, as he throws the blanket off his body and runs to the bathroom. He hears the sounds of someone else scrambling through the apartment, probably Touya, who undoubtedly heard the way Shouto fled from their room. He hits the ground in front of the toilet as vomit comes up. He retches, leaning his forehead against the seat as he hears a knock on the door. He grunts to acknowledge it, and the door cracks open. 

“You good?” Touya asks quietly, and Shouto nods.

“Yeah. ‘M fine.” He mumbles, lifting his head up to close the toilet lid, before he flushes. He gets to his feet, and grabs a bottle of mouthwash, pouring some into his mouth to get rid of the awful taste. Touya stands there for a moment, before speaking again. 

“So, how would you feel about meeting Keigo tomorrow?” He asks, and Shouto’s eyes widen slightly as he meets his brother's gaze in the mirror, before turning around. 

“That sounds good. I'd like to meet him.” Shouto says, as a thought sits in the back of his mind. 

“You didn't… Tell him, right?” Shouto asks, voice quiet as he stares at the tiled floor of the bathroom. He sees Touya shake his head from the corner of his eye. 

“Oh no, absolutely not. That's your information to give. If you never tell another soul, that's fine, or if you want to tell the world, I fully support that as well. Whatever you need.” Shouto nods as he feels tears gather in his eyes, maybe it's not so bad if someone knows.

Notes:

Warnings: Talks of CSA, and graphic depictions of vomiting.

Chapter 9: There’s Something Tragic About You (Something So Wholesome About You)

Notes:

Hi, happy Sunday!! Hope everyone's had a good week, and you enjoy this happier chapter!
Me
Gold

Chapter Text

“There's something lonesome about you
Something so wholesome about you
Get closer to me
No tired sighs, no rolling eyes, no irony
No 'who cares', no vacant stares, no time for me
Honey, you're familiar like my mirror years ago
Idealism sits in prison, chivalry fell on its sword
Innocence died screaming, honey, ask me I should know
I slithered here from Eden just to sit outside your door.”

From Eden - Hozier

 

Katsuki walks into school early Monday morning, after not hearing from Todoroki all weekend. Which, it's not abnormal, they still don't talk much outside of school, but he'd really hoped he would text him about how court went. He walks down the art wing, and finds Deku in the ceramics studio’s without Todoroki. 

“Hey, where is he?” Deku looks up, seeming surprised to see Katsuki. 

“Todoroki? I'm not sure, we haven't spoken since Thursday. I tried texting him this weekend, but he never responded.” Katsuki nods with his hands shoved in his pockets. He doesn't like how stressed he is about this. 

“You've been pretty… Interested in Todoroki recently.” Midoriya observes, a cheeky grin in his face as he rests his chin in his hand. Katsuki narrows his eyes. 

“Well- yeah! I mean, hasn't everyone?!” Katsuki stutters, yelling at the younger boy. Deku hums.

“Yes, I suppose, but…” Deku trails off, as he hums thoughtfully. 

“But what, fucker?!” Katsuki snaps, making his friend laugh. 

“Oh nothing, Kacchan, nevermind.” Deku says, sliding down from the stool he was seated on. “I'll see you at lunch.”

-

The day drags. All Katsuki finds himself thinking about is if Shouto is okay. The fact he wouldn't even talk to Deku makes him even more nervous. He finds himself unable to focus on any of his classes, getting berated by Hatsume every time she asks him a question and he's spaced out. 

“Hello, Bakugou? Where are you today?” She asks, almost sounding concerned, and he groans, dropping his head into his arms. 

“It's fucking ridiculous.” He says, face still hidden. 

“Well, though that's probably true, tell me anyway!” She says excitedly, and Katsuki can't stop the amused snort that slips out. 

“I'm just worried about Todoroki. He had to go to court for shit with his dad on Friday and no one's heard from him since.” He says, peeking up from his arms. Hatsume nods, concerned before responding. 

“I can definitely understand why you're not all here today then. I didn't know you were close to him.” Hatsume notes and Katsuki pushes himself upright. 

“We’re not fucking close, he's just going through a lot, and I'm trying to be supportive!” Katsuki snaps, glaring at a spot on the floor. Hatsume drops her notebook, and the sound makes Katsuki jump, looking back up at her. He doesn't miss the twinkle in her eyes. 

“I knew it!” She says, grinning wildly. Katsuki is taken aback by the reaction, but the dots connect quickly.

“No, no, no, no. You've got it all wrong, crazy.” Her grin widens and she starts giggling. 

“Oh man. Don't worry, blasty, your secret’s safe with me!”

“Fuck off already! There's no secret!” He shouts, getting a glare from Aizawa, as his outburst makes the room turn silent. He snaps his jaw shut, and turns his attention back to the robot model on his computer. 

-

Shouto stands in front of the sink, washing the last of the dishes as Natsuo walks into the kitchen. 

“What are you doin’ home?” He asks, eyebrow raised. Shouto glances at him over his shoulder. 

“Just wasn't up for school today. Touya said I could stay home, and we're meeting Keigo tonight, so I'm just cleaning up a little.” Natsuo nods, as he opens the fridge to look for some lunch. 

“Are you… Doing alright?” He asks, and Shouto sighs. 

“I'm fine. It was just hard seeing dad Friday, and listening to people praise him like he hasn't single-handedly ruined our lives.” Natsuo nods solemnly, as he steps away from the fridge empty-handed. 

“You gonna be okay here alone? I gotta get to class.” Natsuo says, and Shouto nods. 

“I'm alright.” He says, and the boys exchange their goodbyes as Natsuo heads out the door. 

When the dishes are done, Shouto leans back against the counters, digging the heels of his hands into his eyes. He crosses the apartment, once he makes the decision to go lay down, and enters his bedroom. 

-

Katsuki stares at the tray of food in front of him, as his leg shakes beneath the table. It's quiet today, which just puts him more on edge. Todoroki still isn't texting anyone, and Katsuki's about to reach his breaking point. 

He stands up without a word, and takes his tray with him. 

“Kacchan, where are you going?” Deku asks, a confused expression on his face. Katsuki ignores him, dumping his lunch in the garbage, and leaving the tray behind. He looks around, and doesn't see any teachers watching him at the moment, as he slips out a door to some picnic tables for students to eat outside, and trudges off in the direction of Todoroki’s apartment. 

He knows it's dumb, he shouldn't be skipping classes, and he doesn't even know which apartment is Todoroki’s, but that's a problem for him to deal with later. The walk is longer than he'd like, but it gives him time to think at least. He'll call when he gets there, and make Shouto come downstairs, he can only ignore him for so long. 

He's not sure what they'll do after that, maybe just go to a park. He knows Todoroki will absolutely refuse to do anything that costs money, but Katsuki will offer nonetheless. Maybe he'll accept ice cream. 

The apartments come into view, as Katsuki walks faster. He just wants to know Todoroki is okay. When he steps into the lobby, he pulls out his phone and dials his friend's number. It rings twice before being sent to voicemail, and Katsuki sneers at his phone before redialing. 

This time it rings until it goes to voicemail on its own, so he calls again, and again, and again. Katsuki paces back and forth, stomping his feet after calling for the 6th time, when he finally gets a soft click.

“What do you want, Bakugou?” Todoroki asks, and Katsuki could strangle him. 

“Come downstairs, fucker.” He instructs, before Todoroki makes a confused noise. 

“I'm sorry, what?” He asks, and Katsuki rolls his eyes, despite the fact that the bastard can't see him. 

“Come downstairs. We're going to the park.” Katsuki repeats. “I'm in your lobby, and I'm not leaving till you get down here.” The line goes silent, and if it wasn’t for the soft hum sound of static, he'd think that Todoroki had hung up. 

“Fine, give me a minute.” The younger boy mutters, and Katsuki feels relief flood his body. 

“Be quick, I'm sick of waiting.” Todoroki doesn't respond as Katsuki hears the soft click of him hanging up. 

“Bastard.” Katsuki mutters, pocketing his phone as he waits. 

A few minutes later, he hears the sound of someone running down the stairwell, before stepping out into the lobby. He turns to see Todoroki walking towards him. 

“What the hell are you doing here?” He asks, and Katsuki glares at him. 

“I'm sorry, what's with the fucking radio silence? You disappear for 3 fucking days, after seeing your father when you were finally making some progress towards normalcy, and you expect us to just, what? Let you rot? You're funny.” Katsuki says, sneering at him. He doesn't miss the clear exhaustion in the younger boy's face, and he can just tell that Shouto needs to get out of the house. 

“C’mon. Let's go to the park, or something.”

Katsuki says, quieting his voice, and grabbing Shouto’s wrist to drag him along with him. 

The walk is quiet, Shouto stares at the ground, kicking a rock as he follows right behind Katsuki. 

“So what happened at the hearing?” He asks, glancing behind him. Todoroki doesn't respond for a little bit, before he shrugs. 

“Nothing. My dad's lawyer tried to paint me as a manipulative liar when I was 11 years old, he paid off some people to talk about how great he is, and then I went to see my mom.”

“What do you mean by that?” Katsuki asks, feeling disgusted. Todoroki stops and looks up with anger across his face. 

“Can we talk about anything else? If I wanted to think about this, I would've stayed in bed rotting!” He practically growls, it takes Katsuki by surprise, but he smiles a little. 

“Yeah. Anything you like.” He answers, satisfied with the real, emotional reaction he got. Todoroki seems to be caught off guard, but he starts walking again, as the silence continues between them. 

“You should've stayed at school.” Todoroki says as they reach the park. The younger boy moves towards a swing set, and settles into it, before he starts pumping his legs. Katsuki follows his lead and sits in the swing next to him. 

“Hm and why's that?” He asks, pumping his legs to get the swing going. 

“Because I'm miserable right now.” 

“Hm. Well, it's a good thing I didn't come see you expecting you to be fucking happy.” Katsuki responds. Todoroki keeps swinging in silence after his response, going higher and higher. Katsuki hates that he can't see his face right, hates that he doesn't have a clue how he's feeling.

“I'm meeting my brother's boyfriend tonight.” Todoroki says, as he slows his swing. His shoes drag across the dirt as Katsuki glances at him. 

“Oh, is that… a good thing?” He asks, and he shrugs. 

“I don't know, I hope so.” He says with a shrug, as he comes to a stop. It's quiet again before Todoroki asks him a question. 

“Have you ever liked anyone?” He asks, and Katsuki nearly chokes on his spit. 

“What?!” He asks, halting his swing. Todoroki just shrugs again. 

“I've never-” he starts, but pauses in thought. “I don't know what it feels like to like someone. More than a friend anyways. How do you know?” He asks, and Katsuki can feel a blush spreading across his face. 

“H-how the fuck would I know, you stupid bastard?!” Katsuki spits, jumping off his swing. He stomps away in a huff, before turning back to look at Todoroki. 

“C’mon, I'm done with the fucking park.” Katsuki grumbles, and Todoroki slides off the swing, following behind him. 

Katsuki ends up dragging him to an ice cream shop down the road, while Todoroki has a fit the entire way there. 

“Bakugou, I don't have money for this. I spent everything I had on dinner the other night.” He argues and Katsuki rolls his eyes, before pulling some money out of his pocket and dropping it on the ground. 

“Oh wow, where'd that come from?” He asks, picking it up, and forcibly placing it in Todoroki’s hand. 

“Look, now you've got money for ice cream.” Katsuki's almost surprised to see Todoroki, one of the most expressionless people he knows, blush. It spreads across his cheeks, up to the tips of his ears. The word ‘ cute ’ pops into his head, and he has to turn away before he says something fucking ridiculous. He's surprised when Todoroki doesn't argue, but he doesn't comment on it. 

They get to the ice cream shop, and the predictable bastard ends up with strawberry ice cream. Katsuki ends up getting a milkshake, before the two of them sit down together. Todoroki pulls a handful of money out of his pocket and passes it across the table. 

“You really didn't have to pay for my ice cream.” He says quietly, and Katsuki shrugs. 

“I didn't. You found that on the ground.” The younger boy narrows his eyes, pushing the money closer to him. 

“Fuck off.” He says, and Katsuki grins, grabbing the money off the table and pocketing it. He checks the time and realizes he's going to have to go soon. He's probably got time to walk Todoroki home before he heads to the hospital. 

“I gotta get home, I should help get ready for Keigo.” The other boy says, getting to the end of his ice cream cone. Katsuki nods, as he takes a sip of his shake. 

“Yeah, I gotta go too. I'll walk back to your place with you.” He offers, not missing the small smile as he nods. 

“Okay.”

-

Shouto gets home feeling… Weird. A good weird, but weird nonetheless. He shuts the apartment door behind him as he hears someone run into the living room. He turns to see Touya in the doorway between the living room, and kitchen, and he looks mad. It suddenly occurs to Shouto that he'd never told him he was going anywhere. He expects Touya to say something , but the anger seems to melt away suddenly. 

“You left your fucking phone here, dude. Don't let it happen again.” He says, as it's being thrown to him. Shouto’s eyes widen, as he reaches out to catch it. 

“Oh. I'm sorry.” He says, as Touya turns away. 

“You're fine, just remember it next time. And come help with dinner.” He mutters. 

Shouto smiles, following behind Touya as he finds Fuyumi already in the kitchen. 

“Oh, good, you're home! We were worried.” She says with a smile. Shouto pulls his hair up off his neck, tying it up as he walks over to where Fuyumi is. 

“I'm sorry, I didn't mean to forget my phone.” He says, taking over stirring the vegetables so Fuyumi can work on the beef. She presses a kiss to his forehead, before walking away. He smiles to himself, feeling incredibly content. 

“When's Keigo coming?” Shouto asks, and Touya looks up from the dishes he's washing to check the time. 

“About a half hour. Natsuo will be home around then too. He picked up a short shift at the hospital.” Shouto nods at the answer, turning down the heat on the vegetables, before Fuyumi takes over back at the stove. 

He quickly joins Touya with the dishes, drying and putting them away as he finishes washing and rinsing them. 

“Are you nervous?” He asks his brother, and Touya laughs. 

“Am I nervous that you and Natsuo are gonna be a couple of pains in my ass? Yeah, absolutely.” Shouto feigns offense, placing a hand to his chest. 

Me? Now whatever do you mean?” Shouto asks, before a soapy dish rag is lobbed at his head. 

“Set the fucking table when you're done, you menace.” Touya says, walking away. Shouto grins as he finishes up the dishes, and does what Touya asked. 

There's a knock at the door about 15 minutes later, and Shouto hates the way his anxiety spikes. He's always been incredibly weary of adults, especially men, and even though he knows Touya would have dumped Keigo a long time ago if he seemed dangerous, it does nothing to soothe his nerves. 

He peeks into the living room, and sees Touya open the door to let Keigo in. Even from across the apartment, he sees the way his brother lights up, and that is enough to calm some of his fears. 

“Everyone's in the kitchen, well, except Natsuo. He'll be home soon.” Touya says, and then he turns and catches Shouto peeking before he ducks away. 

“That's my nosy baby brother, Shouto.” He hears Touya say as his voice gets closer to the kitchen. 

“Shouto.” Touya says as they reach the kitchen, and he looks up from the dinner he was pretending to be interested to see Touya, and the shorter man who must be Keigo. He swallows nervously as his brother continues. 

“This is Keigo.” He says as the blond nods in his direction. 

“It's nice to meet you, Touya’s told me a lot.” The phrase makes him nervous, but he doesn't stop there. 

“I'd like to see your art sometime. He said the school festival is coming up, and you'll be displaying something?” The topic eases something inside him as he nods. 

“Oh, yeah. I'm recreating something my mom made when I was young.” He answers, as Fuyumi starts praising his work. He looks down as his blush darkens, uncomfortable with all the attention on him. 

“Alright, before Shouto dies of embarrassment, let's eat some dinner.” Touya says, clearly entertained. 

They all sit down at the table as the front door opens and shuts. 

“Sorry I'm late!” Natsuo says, before joining them at the table. He looks at the blond across the table from him and smiles with a polite nod. 

“Natsuo. Nice to meet you.”

“Keigo.” He says, nodding back politely. 

The meal gets quieter after that as they all enjoy their food. Shouto feels content, the silence doesn't feel awkward to him, just comfortable. 

“So, Keigo, where do you work?” Fuyumi asks. 

“I work at the garage with Touya. I trained him when he started.” He says, and Natsuo seems to find something funny about his answer. 

“This is the guy you said for like the first month wouldn't get off your ass?” Natsuo asks, with a shit eating grin. Shouto covers his mouth so he doesn't spit out his food, laughing at the horrified look on Touya's face. 

“Hey! I didn't say… That… Exactly.” Touya says sheepishly as Keigo grins. 

“Oh, well tell us, honey, what did you say exactly?”

“I may or may not have said you were a hard ass, who doesn't trust me.” Touya admits shyly and Keigo laughs. 

“Back then, you asked me like every other car you worked on what socket wrench you should use!” Touya sticks his tongue out before responding. 

“Listen here, you conceited little demon. You just think you're the smartest man on earth, don't you?” 

A mischievous feeling worms its way through Shouto as he remembers the conversation they'd had about Keigo a few weeks ago. 

“I mean, Touya, from everything you've told me, it sounds like he has every reason to feel that way.” His brother's grin drops as he turns to Shouto. 

“Shut up, Shouto.” He says, pressing a hand over his brother's mouth, grinning at Keigo. “He's delirious, don't listen to him.”

“Ya know, I'd really like to hear him out. Let the kid talk.” At that moment, Shouto bites into Touya's hand. Not hard, but enough to be uncomfortable. 

“Ouch! Jesus Shouto! Sorry, Keigo, looks like you'll have to go. Seems like my baby brother is due for his fucking rabies booster.” Touya says, rubbing at his palm. Keigo looks at Shouto, grinning. 

“Anyways you were about to say something.”

“Oh, Touya just told me how kind, and selfless you are. That you're one of the smartest people he knows, but you're not a jerk about it. It was honestly kind of disgusting.” Keigo's grin grows wider as Touya hides his face. 

“Congrats, Shouto, you've made his ego so large NASA’s gonna declare it the 10th planet.”

“As long as I get credit for discovering it.” Shouto says with a shrug, biting into his food. 

“Touya, honey,” Keigo says. “You know there are only 8 planets, right?”

“Fuck you, in this household we count Pluto.”

-

“I told you I could fucking do it, you old hag!” Katsuki says, tossing the baby blanket he'd finished at the old woman. She laughs, before lifting it and looking it over. 

“Not bad. How long did it take you though?” She asks with a knowing smile. He narrows his eyes. 

“I've got a lot more to do than spend my whole day knitting!” 

“All month?” She asks, and he crosses his arms. 

“Maybe.” He answers and she laughs again. 

“That's great! You did well, and now another baby gets a blanket!” He smiles to himself. 

“Yeah, whatever.” He says with a shrug. The room is silent for a bit as she returns to her knitting, and Katsuki looks around the room. He doesn't really feel like knitting again at this point. It was fine , and in the end he felt accomplished from creating something, but he didn't find the reward to be worth the work.

“Were you ever married?” Katsuki asks, and the woman sets down her needles, and peers over her glasses at him. 

“Now why do you wanna know that?” She asks with a grin. He chuckles and shrugs. 

“Curious.” He answers and she nods. 

“I was never married, but I've had many partners over the years. I never met anyone I wanted to settle down with, if that makes sense. Forever is a long time, ya know?” Katsuki smiles, and nods. 

“Do you get lonely?” He asks, and she shrugs. 

“Well, that's why you're here, isn't it?” She points out smugly and Katsuki rolls his eyes. 

“Yeah sure, but wouldn't you be less lonely with, like, a husband, or wife, children maybe?” He asks with a smirk and she laughs. 

“Well, you didn't ask if I have kids!” She points out. 

“Okay, fine, so you've got kids?”

“Two of ‘em! They've moved though, so I do miss them. They come around a few times a year though.”

“So you're lonely.” He says and she swats at him. 

“And you're a brat!” He grins, leaning back to avoid being hit. 

She goes back to knitting after that, and Katsuki watches quietly. He ends up pulling out some homework that he occupies himself with as they talk. The evening seems to drag tonight, but that may just be that he wants to get home. Eventually though, his time is up. When he heads out, he finds the first thing in his mind is Todoroki. He tries fighting the urge, but suddenly his phone is in his hand, with their text history opened up. 

Me: How was meeting the boyfriend? 

He sends the message before he can even reconsider it. 

-

By the time Keigo leaves that evening, Shouto’s fairly certain Touya will never let any of them speak to him again, especially not after Fuyumi brought out the baby pictures. 

“Touya was screaming in this picture because mom had just told him we were getting sushi for dinner.”

“A valid reason to cry.” Touya grumbled from behind his hands. 

He's getting ready for bed that evening when he feels his phone vibrate in his pocket. He pulls it out to see a text from Bakugou, he feels his heart jump at the sight of his name, as he opens the message. 

Bakugou: How was meeting the boyfriend?

Shouto stares at the message for a minute, before deciding to respond. 

Me: It was good, but I don't think he'll be letting us meet him again. My sister pulled out baby pictures. 

He settles into bed, plugging his phone in as it goes off again. 

Bakugou: Damn you guys pulled out all the stops. Didn't scare him off though? 

Shouto smiles at the message as he feels his stomach flip in excitement. The unfamiliar feeling leaves him frozen for a moment. 

Me: They've been together for a bit so I don't think it'd be that easy

He responds, before taking a moment to think. The feeling happens again when Bakugou texts him back, and he tries to ignore it. He tries to ignore how happy it makes him each time the older boy texts back, and how he wants to keep the conversation going. He lies down in bed as he texts Bakugou back with a dumb, satisfied smile on his face. 

This is what it feels like to have a friend, right? 

Right? 

Chapter 10: Bite Back With All Your Might

Notes:

Hi, happy Sunday!! Have a cute little chapter of Katsuki being hopelessly in love with a clueless pretty boy! TWs in end notes <3
Me
Gold

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

“We can talk here on the floor
On the phone, if you prefer
I'll be here until you're okay
Let your words release your pain
You and I will share the weight
Growing stronger day by day
It's so dark outside tonight
Build a fire warm and bright
And the wind, it howls and bites
Bite it back with all your might.”

Talk To Me - Cavetown

 

Katsuki wakes up Saturday morning with a dumb grin on his face. He and Todoroki have been talking almost constantly this week, and he doesn't know how to feel about it. What he does know though is that he's enjoying it. Not just a little either, he's to the point he knows he's gotta keep it to himself, but he doesn't know how

His phone vibrates a moment later and he opens it to see that Todoroki sent him a photo. He opens the message and sees a picture of an orange tabby, who was clearly hissing at him. 

Todoroki: It's U

Is all the message says, and Katsuki chuckles, before opening up his camera and scowling as he holds his middle finger up. 

Me: Fuck you

He hits send, and lets his phone drop across his chest, as he tries to think of an excuse to see Todoroki today. He's not sure exactly what's going on, but he must've gotten more bad news of some sort, because he's been even more reserved than normal; only making it to lunch every other day or so, and when he’s there he only picks at his food, staring off into space.

The self-destructive tendencies are the hardest thing to watch. It's obvious that he needs an outlet, some way to handle whatever is hurting him, without hurting himself worse. Katsuki sits up in bed as an idea comes to his mind, and he doesn't hesitate to call up Todoroki to make sure he's free for the afternoon. 

-

Bakugou drags him through the doors of some business he doesn't catch the name of. Once they're inside, Bakugou leads the way up to a counter. 

“Hey, can we go in a room together?” He asks the attendant who nods. 

“Yeah, you both just need to fill out these forms first.” The guy behind the counter says, sliding them across the desk. Bakugou takes them and hands one to Shouto. He reads the name at the top of the form: ‘Frustration Station.’

“Bakugou, what is this?” He asks, snapping at the older boy. 

“It's called a rage room. You've repressed yourself into a hollow fucking shell, and it's time you really deal with your fucking feelings.” Bakugou mutters as he begins filling out his sheet. Shouto looks over the paper, and then looks at Bakugou. 

“I don't have the money for this Bakugou, and I don't even think this is something I'd want to do.” He says, looking through the form. 

“It's a good thing I've got the money for both of us. Listen, just try it, and if you hate it, we can leave anytime.”

“But the money-”

Fuck the money, Halfie. Ya know what, if it'll make you feel better, come help me build a robot for class, and you can ‘work it off’ or whatever.” Shouto takes a moment to consider. Worst case scenario he hates it, they leave, and he gets to spend more time with Bakugou has to help Bakugou with some classwork. He sighs, before nodding his head. 

“Fine. I'll give it a shot.” He concedes, and begins filling out the paperwork. 

Fifteen minutes later they're turning in their filled out forms, and being given protective gear. Shouto blinks a couple of times as he stares at the goggles and helmet he's been given. 

“Put it on, Halfie, let's get going.” Bakugou says, bringing Shouto back to the moment. He does as the older boy says, following him through the door. The sight of a western style living room takes him by surprise, a cabinet with decorative ceramic dishes, a large, mostly likely broken television, a computer area, and more. He's not sure what exactly he was expecting, but the sight of sledge hammers and baseball bats on the wall was even stranger. 

“What am I even supposed to do?” He asks, turning to Bakugou. 

“Whatever you want. Look.” The blond says, grabbing an old teacup off a coffee table, and throwing it on the ground. It shatters into a few large pieces, but doesn't really evoke anything from Shouto. He looks at Bakugou who seems like he's waiting for a reaction from him. 

“Go on, try it. Throw something.” He says, gesturing around them. He looks around, and walks over to the cabinet, staring at the ceramic pieces. He picks up a bowl, not really thinking, before he throws it at a wall, watching it shatter. He feels the corner of his mouth tick up, ever so slightly, and the sound of Bakugou's laugh is like music.

“There you go, that ' s more like it.” He smiles and when he turns around, Bakugou is holding a bat out to him.

“Okay, this is the best part though. Go smash something.” He looks around him, the handle of the bat held in one hand. He sees an old computer monitor sitting on a desk, and decides he'll start there. 

The bat comes down, and the screen crumples. It's a satisfying sight as he brings the bat back above his head and swings again. The splintering of plastic graces his ears, and his mouth splits in a feral grin as he pulls back to swing again. He loses himself in the action, until the monitor is nothing but bits of plastic, metal shrapnel, and glass. 

“Halfie!”

Shouto turns around just in time to see Bakugou pull his hand back, and throw a plate at him. It stuns him, and for a moment Shouto is frozen as the plate flies at him. He's 11 years old again. His father is shouting, and throwing things when he grabs a ceramic plate and flings it at his head. He remembers recognizing it as something his mom made. In his mind, he ducks, the plate misses his head as it shatters against the wall. A shard catches his ear after it explodes above him, making blood drip down the side of his head. 

However, present day the words “Swing dumbass!” bring him back to the moment, as he swings the bat through the air, and obliterates the plate. Ceramic shards fall around them, as Shouto drops the bat. He meets Bakugou eyes, who's grinning at him like Shouto’s something beautiful. 

A multitude of feelings swirl inside him. Pride, fear, anger, joy. He doesn't know what to do with all of it, and suddenly tears are sliding down his face. Bakugou crosses the room in the blink of an eye. 

“Too much?” He asks, and Shouto takes a shaky breath as he shakes his head. 

“N-no, yes? I just remembered something my father did. That was a lot, but I think I'm okay.” And suddenly he's laughing. He falls on the ground laughing and crying as his heart squeezes in his chest. 

Bakugou's on the ground with him a second later. When Shouto looks up and meets his eyes, he can see the confusion on his face. It makes Shouto laugh harder as the tears drip down his cheeks. 

“You're scarin’ me, Halfie.” Bakugou says, with a nervous smirk, and Shouto snorts at that, trying to wipe the tears that won't stop falling. 

“I'm fine, I think. I don't know what that was.” He mumbles, scrubbing his face. 

Rough, calloused fingertips wipe a tear from his jaw, making Shouto gasp at the touch. He looks up and Bakugou is closer than he was just a moment ago. The proximity makes him nauseous as something in his brain tells him he should lean in, and get even closer. Some stupid part of him almost does it too, before Bakugou pulls back, looking the other direction. 

Which, thank God he did. What the hell was he thinking? Shouto swallows as he turns the other way as well, attempting to clear his mind. 

Just as he gets his breathing under control, the most god awful noise fills the room. Shouto’s head flies up to look around, heart racing in his chest as Katsuki stands up next to him. 

“Relax, it's just the alarm letting us know our time is up.” He says, reaching a hand out to help him up. Shouto nods, as he takes the offered hand, and gets to his feet. 

-

They step out of the building after turning in their gear, and Katsuki can't shake the absolute mortification at the fact that he almost tried to kiss Todoroki. Thankfully the clueless bastard doesn't seem to have figured it out, as they start making their way back to town. 

“So, uh do you wanna grab lunch or something?” Katsuki asks, and Todoroki hums thoughtfully. 

“I think I'd actually like to show you something, if that's alright?” He asks, and Katsuki looks at him suspiciously. 

“Hey, I trusted you! Now it's your turn to trust me.” The younger boy says, and he rolls his eyes. 

“Yeah, and look how well that ended.” He mutters, rolling his eyes. Todoroki laughs though, and it makes him feel a little less shitty. 

“Listen, if you come with me, when we get where we're going, I'll tell you why I freaked out, if you want to know.” He offers, and Katsuki hates how tempting an offer that is. When did he get so whipped for him? 

“Yeah, fine, let's fucking go then.” Katsuki mutters, gesturing for Todoroki to lead.

The walk is peaceful, and the closer they get to Todoroki’s apartment building the more confused he is, until he makes a turn taking them behind the apartment, leading them towards a woodsy area. There's a little path carved out between the trees that Todoroki doesn't even have to look for. Katsuki follows closely behind him, as he weaves through the path like he's been down it a hundred times. Eventually they come to a creek, following along it for a bit before they find a spot where they can sit down at the edge of the flowing water. It's pretty, and Katsuki can't find a single reason to complain.

“How long have you known about this place?” Katsuki asks, looking around. Todoroki shrugs, watching the water. 

“I found it shortly after the social worker brought me back from my dad's. I'd run away a lot, well not really run away, but leave the apartment. I was dealing with a lot, and needed space from my siblings often.” 

Todoroki explains, chin resting on his knees, a melancholic expression on his face. Katsuki nods, as they're surrounded by the sounds of the forest. He wants to find out what got Todoroki so worked up earlier, but he seems to have enough on his mind right now that Katsuki really doesn't want to bring up more unpleasant memories. Like a mind reader though, the younger boy brings it up himself. 

“When I stayed with my dad for a while, he hurt me… A lot.” Todoroki says, staring at the water. 

“I don't remember what he was mad at me for that day, but there was always something. He was shouting at me, terrible things, and throwing things at me. I have this slow motion image in my mind of him grabbing this plate my mom made, and throwing at me. It hit the wall, and shattered. I've actually got a scar on my ear from it.” He adds, brushing over the spot with his fingertips. Katsuki nods, listening as he continues. 

“That was why I panicked back there. When I turned around and saw that plate flying at me, it was like I was back there all over again. You made it different though. Like smashing that plate was a way of taking some of my power back. I don't know, but thank you for taking me there.” 

Katsuki scowls at the water as he listens to Todoroki speak, thinking before he responds. 

“I'm sorry you had to go through that. I wish the people that were supposed to protect you would have.” He can see Todoroki nodding in his peripherals, and that seems to be the end of the conversation. He stares at the water as it flows endlessly, only partially aware of Todoroki next to him. He looks up when he notices the other boy standing up, and is suddenly aware that he's taken his shoes off, before he steps into the water. 

“The fuck are you doing?” Katsuki asks, attempting to hold back a smile. Todoroki just shrugs, before turning around. 

“It feels nice.” He says, walking through the water that goes up mid-calf on him. 

“You should join me.” He adds and Katsuki rolls is his eyes.

“Like hell I'm getting in that nasty water, fuck off.” He says, laying back in the grass. It's quiet for a moment, before Katsuki is suddenly soaked. He sits up, furious to see Shouto with a self-satisfied smirk. 

“You think you're so fucking funny, don't you, Halfie? I'm gonna drown your ass.” He mutters, untying his sneakers, as he's splashed again .

“Fucking quit it, you bastard!” Katsuki shouts, as he frantically removes his shoes and socks. He chases Todoroki through the water, as he pulls both hands back, dragging them through the water, and soaking him. The younger boy screams, followed by excited giggles as the water drips from his hair down his back and shoulders. 

Katsuki feels his heart slam against his ribs, as Todoroki turns around, smiling brightly at him. As he looks at that smile, the same urge from earlier creeps up, and he suddenly wants nothing more than to be as close to Todoroki as possible. It's uncomfortable, and overwhelming, but also exciting, and fills him with a happiness he's never known before. 

Katsuki sputters as water hits him in the face. 

“Ah, there you are.” Todoroki says, a shit eating grin on his face. Katsuki's not sure what face he was making, but he quickly returns to his signature scowl. 

“Bite me, Todoroki!” He says, shaking his arms in an attempt to dry off. “I'm starving, can we go get some lunch now?” He asks, raising an eyebrow. He doesn't miss the way that his face falls, before he shrugs. 

“I guess I can text my brother and see if he can send me some money, but if he can't, you're not paying for me again.” Katsuki rolls his eyes. 

“Fine, whatever.” He says, stepping out of the water, and sneering at his wet feet, before stuffing his socks into his dry shoes. He'd rather walk barefoot through the woods than put dry socks on his wet feet. A moment later, Todoroki steps out of the water and does the same thing. 

“You're an asshole, ya know that?” Katsuki asks, and Todoroki smirks, as he picks up his shoes. 

“I've been told.” He says, checking his phone. “Alright, I've got money for lunch. Where are we going?” He asks, with a soft smile. Katsuki just shrugs.

“I don't know, lead the way out of here and I'll decide when we get back into town.” Todoroki nods as he leads the way out of the woods, where they both stop to wipe their feet in the grass, before sitting down to put their shoes back on. It gets quiet again as they walk, and Katsuki finds he doesn't mind the quiet with him. 

“What do you feel like, Halfie?” Katsuki asks, now that they're downtown with a handful of options. He just responds with a shrug. 

“I'm not that hungry, I ate before we hung out, so whatever you want is good.” Katsuki rolls his eyes. 

“You don't make anything easy, do you?” He smirks, and shakes his head. 

“I've been told it's part of my charm.” Katsuki snorts at that. 

“Fine, I'll fucking pick. Pain in my ass.” He grumbles, leading them into a random fast food place. They get inside, and find the place fairly empty, so they are able to go up and order. The food takes just a few minutes before the two of them grab it, and sit down in a booth. 

They sit across from each other, and Katsuki is starving at this point as he digs into the food in front of him. He looks up to see Todoroki slowly chewing a bite of his food, as he moves the rest around on the tray. 

“You good?” Katsuki asks, raising an eyebrow. The younger boy looks up from his food, seemingly surprised. 

“Oh, yeah. Like I said, not very hungry.” He says with a shrug. Katsuki just nods, as doubt twists inside him. It's not like it doesn't make sense, money's tight for them, of course he'd eat before he goes out. It still doesn't sit right with him though. 

He decides to slow down his own eating to try to watch, and the entire time they're there, over twenty minutes, Todoroki only takes 3 bites. Katsuki can see in his eyes that part of him does want more but he's not letting himself. At one point, Katsuki offers his own food. 

“Wanna try a bite? It's pretty good.” He turns him down though, shaking his head and insisting he's not hungry. 

Eventually he's done eating, and he watches as Todoroki throws the rest of his food in the garbage. It makes him nervous, but he doesn't say anything as they leave to make their way back towards his apartment. 

When Katsuki gets home that evening, a part of him feels like a failure. Shouto’s been such a mess recently, and watching him close in on himself after lunch was almost devastating after the way he'd opened up after the rage room.

-

Shouto feels his stomach growl under his hands. It's a satisfying feeling for him to go to bed hungry. He was glad that his excuses worked today, when Fuyumi stopped him before he went to hang out with Bakugou, trying to tell him to eat lunch. 

“He'll probably want to go out to eat anyway. I'll just eat this granola bar.” And he was right, Bakugou did want to get something to eat, but that didn't mean he had to eat. He felt a little guilty, wasting Touya's money, but it wasn't much. He'll make it up to him by doing some extra chores, and all will be well. He's pulled from his thoughts by his stomach growling again, as he reaches for the cup next to him, drinking some water to try to trick his body. 

Notes:

TW: Memories, and discussion of past abuse, disordered eating habits

Chapter 11: So, I’ve Got This Friend…

Notes:

Hello!! Early update because of votes on twt, just a heads up we probably won't have another chapter till next weekend. This chapter may be a little harder to read, there will be warnings in the end notes if you want them. Also here are some little details about the todo siblings with some background info if anyone's interested!
Shouto - 16 8 when burned, 11 when custody was given to his father, returned to Touya after a month. Goes to UA for their arts program, focusing on sculpting/ceramics.
Natsuo - 19 in college to be a doctor, working since 16 to help with bills and other needs.
Fuyumi - 22 started babysitting at 15 to help Touya with bills. Currently a school teacher, pursuing her masters.
Touya - 26 mechanic, got two jobs right out of his third year of school to support his siblings after their moms mental breakdown. Ended up “Between jobs” for a very short period, causing him to lose custody of Shouto. Older kids left with him because they were considered more independent due to their ages.
Check us out on twitter!
Me
Gold

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

“I've got this friend, I don't think you know him
He's not much for words, he's hidden his heart away
Oh, I've got this friend, a loveless romantic
All that he really wants is someone to want him back
Oh, if the right one came
If the right one came along
I've got this friend, I don't think you know her
She sings a simple song that sounds a lot like his
I've got this friend holding onto her heart
Like it's a little secret, like it's all she's got to give
It'd be such a shame if they never meet.”

I’ve Got This Friend - The Civil Wars

 

Shouto smiles as he walks in line with Bakugou to get their lunch. He fills his tray, eyeing up a pudding cup, but ignoring it in the end. They pay, and find their seats at their usual lunch table. 

Each bite he takes settles heavily in his stomach, as he tries to ignore it. He's been good, he can eat lunch today. He tries to reason with himself. He tries to get out of his head as he tunes into the conversation. 

“-My bot’s gonna kick your ass ponytail, just you wait!” Bakugou snarls at Momo. Shouto can't help but smile at the cocky grin she returns. 

“Hm, we'll see about that. My bot’s never lost.” She responds with a shrug, as Bakugou narrows his eyes. 

“Yeah, well there's a first time for everything.” He says as he bites into his lunch. Shouto laughs quietly to himself, and looks down for a bite of food, when he realizes at some point he'd finished his meal. He stares at the empty plate for a moment before sighing. He looks to his left and sees Midoriya has a half-eaten slice of cake on his tray, and it sounds like the most delicious thing right now. He waits, and his friend doesn't seem to be eating anymore. 

“Were you gonna finish that?” Shouto asks, and Midoriya looks up slightly in surprise. 

“Oh no, did you want the rest?” He offers, and Shouto could jump and shout right now. 

“Only if you're not going to eat it.” He says with a shrug, as Midoriya places the small plate in front of him. Shouto thanks his friend, and digs into the cake, delighted. Despite his excitement, he can’t help but feel like something’s off, as he looks up to find Bakugou watching him. He looks back with a raised eyebrow as he stuffs the last bite in his mouth. 

“You good?” Bakugou asks, and Shouto nods, feeling slightly confused. Isn't this what he wants? Me to eat? He thinks, slightly annoyed. 

“Yes, why?” He asks and Bakugou just shrugs. 

Shouto cleans up his tray after that, leaving lunch a little bit early; since he finished eating, he should get back to his work. He waves bye to his friends, and makes his ways towards the ceramics room. He stops in his tracks as he stares at the snack machines, right outside the lunch room though. The money Touya had given him sits heavy in his pocket, as he pulls it out and buys a snack. 

And then two. 

And then more.

Suddenly his pockets are full of various treats, as he tries to rationalize with himself. It's fine, I'll need something to eat while I'm working. Now I've got snacks for the week. I won't eat these all today. He tells himself. 

He enters the ceramics room and tosses his bag down, as he empties his pockets, throwing all the snacks inside. Except the Pocky. He's just gonna eat the Pocky for now. 

-

Shouto stares intently at his cat vase, as he leans in close to work on the details. He holds a Pocky stick between his teeth, as he tries to get the eyes just right. He leans back with a satisfied smile, feeling surprisingly proud of himself. He can't wait to show his mom, he really hopes she'll be excited. 

“How's it going?” Shouto jumps when a voice comes from behind him. He turns around to see Bakugou standing in the doorway. The stick of Pocky breaks, falling in his lap. 

“Oh, fine.” He mumbles, turning back to the table. He brings his attention back to his vase, as he feels Bakugou come up behind him. 

“It's looking good.” He says, and Shouto nods. 

“Thank you. I'm actually feeling pretty confident with it.” He mumbles, seeing Bakugou nod out of the corner of his eye.

“You sure you're alright though?” He asks, and Shouto sits up straight and looks around him. He takes note of the copious number of snack wrappers littering the table as he swallows anxiously. 

“Yeah. I'm good.” He whispers. 

“If you're sure. I'll see ya later, Halfie.” Bakugou says, bumping his shoulder with his own. The touch makes Shouto smile despite the fluttering in his belly. 

“See ya.”

-

Katsuki shows up to the hospital that afternoon just to find out the gentleman that he only visited once is still in the ICU, and potentially being moved to hospice. He stands in the lobby talking with Mirko for a bit, while he decides what he wants to do. 

“Himura’s been a little lonely recently, I'm sure she'd enjoy some company.” Mirko suggests, as Katsuki nods while he thinks about their last visit, and her oldest son showing up. He shrugs. 

“Yeah, I wouldn't mind seeing her. Alright, see ya later, Mirko.” Katsuki says, waving over his shoulder as he heads to the elevator. 

He finds Rei in her room, with the door open ajar. He knocks gently as he sees her staring out the window. She turns around, seeming surprised, before smiling slightly. 

“Oh, I wasn't expecting you today?” She says curiously and he smiles. 

“Yeah, the man I usually visit with isn't doing great. Mirko said I could visit with you if I'd like.” Katsuki explains with a shrug, and she smiles, looking a little tired, welcoming him in. 

“We haven't played in a while, would you like to play Hanafuda?” She asks, a mischievous smile. He laughs, nodding his head in agreement as she gets the box out, and starts setting it up. 

They sit across from each other, and somehow this feels like the first time all over again, except, part of him just isn't as invested. Todoroki’s been the only thing on his mind since Saturday, and Rei must've taken notice after he loses two games in a row and can't be bothered to care. 

“Is something bothering you, Bakugou? You're not acting like yourself.” He looks up from the finished game and nods. 

“Oh, yeah, I'm fine. Just… I've got a friend that's been on my mind recently.” Katsuki says, and she seems interested. 

“Hm, and why's that?” She asks with a smile. Katsuki sighs. 

“I don't know! He's got a lot of shit going. His dad's forced him and his brother into a custody battle, and he just seems like he's not taking care of himself, and it's hard to watch.” He says, shrugging. 

“We got a chance to hang out this weekend though, and I just had a really good time with him. He's smart, and funny, and probably one of the nicest people I know. Not to mention how fucking pretty he is.” Katsuki sighs, slumping back in his chair. 

“I just don't even know how to tell him any of this, or if he'd even like me like that.” 

Rei’s smiling at him now, and there's a look in her eyes that he can't quite place. 

“Do you have a picture of him by chance?” She asks, and he grabs his phone. 

“Uuuh yeah, one second.” He mutters, finding a selfie they had taken on Saturday. She smiles at the photo and nods. 

“Hm, you're right, he is very cute. I think the best thing you can do is just be there for him. It sounds like he really needs any support he can get right now.” Katsuki nods as he looks out the window. 

“Yeah, that's what everyone keeps telling me.” He says absentmindedly. 

Katsuki doesn't stay long after that, they play another round of Hanafuda, and then he heads out for the evening. 

-

The moment Katsuki leaves, Rei calls Fuyumi. 

“Hi mom, is everything alright?” She asks and Rei laughs. 

“Everything's great. Did you know Shouto has been hanging out with Bakugou?” 

“Oh, really?” Fuyumi asks. 

“Yes, and he has no idea that Shouto is my son, or your brother, or anything. Sweet boy.” Her daughter laughs at the information as she keeps speaking. 

“It's really so sweet, he just told me all about the pretty boy from school who's dealing with a custody battle between his father and brother. I think you should bring Shouto here to visit not next Monday, but the Monday after.” Fuyumi laughs louder this time. 

“Oh, that poor boy. Are you trying to kill him?” She asks, and Rei can't help but join in her laughter. 

“They'll both thank me later. Bakugou is a sweet kid.”

“Yeah. He seems like it.”

-

The apartment is quiet as Shouto scours the fridge for leftovers. There's a bag of shredded cheese on the counter that he'd eaten half of, as well as a box of crackers. He pulls out chicken fried rice, and digs into the cold mess of food, shoveling spoonfuls into his mouth as he leans back against the counter.

His brain is screaming at him, and his stomach hurts, but he really doesn't care as he drops the leftovers on the counter and opens the freezer. He moves a few things around till he finds a box of mochi ice-cream in the back. He pulls that out and tears the box open as he wastes no time biting into them, a mochi in each hand. 

He presses a hand to his stomach as a loud burp slips past his lips. He gags at the feeling of food creeping up, as he swallows in disgust, taking another bite of his mochi. He’s about to return to scavenging for something else when he freezes, hearing the sound of the front door opening, and shutting quickly. He looks at the time, and instantly knows it's Touya coming home. He swallows, and silently prays his brother will just go to their room, but luck would not be on his side this time. 

Shouto hears his footsteps get closer as he looks around the dark kitchen, and suddenly the room is bathed in light. He watches the smile fall from his brother's face as he takes in the sight before him, and suddenly his stomach convulses. He drops the mochi in his hands, it makes a sickening splat off the tile as he tries to run past Touya, who catches him in the doorway. 

“Hey, you're alright. Breathe buddy.” Touya says, trying to bring his voice to a soothing tempo, but all Shouto hears is disgust. Shouto fights, kicking and pushing, trying to get out of brother’s grip. He can't believe he caught him like this. 

“Let go! I'm going to be sick!” Shouto shouts, pushing and shoving at his brother as his arms wrap tighter. They fall to the kitchen floor together as Shouto sobs, fighting weakly in his hold now. Touya grabs a small trash can from the corner, and keeps it in reach. 

Shouto is now glaringly aware of just how full he is as he stares at all the food spread across the counter. It nauseates him as he leaps for the trash can, and retches. The disgusting mixture sitting in his stomach. He gags and spits as more food than he can even picture eating forces itself past his lips. 

It's disgusting, he's disgusting. 

Through it all though, Touya keeps him close. He's gentle and reassuring the whole time, but it does nothing. He sobs, spitting into the trashcan as the vomit coats his mouth. 

“Please go.” Shouto whispers, as a sob comes out. 

“Why don't you go brush your teeth, and go rest, kid?” Touya asks, brushing Shouto’s hair out of his face. He sneers before responding. 

“Because I've got no fucking self-control, and I've made a fucking mess of the kitchen.” Shouto spits, as he weakly shoves at his brother. Touya doesn't move though, and as much as he hates it, the consistency is reassuring, and it grounds him. 

“Listen, I want you to go brush your teeth. Then if you feel like you need to, you can come help me clean up, but if you need to, just go to bed. It's not a big deal.” Touya assures. Shouto makes no attempt to move, laying silently in his brother's lap as he runs gentle hands up and down his back. 

“It won't be like this forever, Shou.” Touya whispers into his hair as Shouto sniffles. He lets out a shaky breath before climbing to his feet, and wordlessly walking away to brush his teeth. 

He looks at his reflection, as empty eyes stare back at him. His cheeks are sunken, with dark bags under his eyes, and he doesn't know the last time he looked so awful. He averts his eyes and stares at the sink as he brushes his teeth. He can't help but think about how disgusting he feels, as he scrubs the awful taste from his mouth. 

Once his mouth feels some semblance of clean, and the god awful taste is gone, he walks back to the kitchen. He finds Touya on the ground with some paper towels wiping up melted ice cream. 

“I'm sorry.” Shouto mumbles from the doorway. He feels so much shame, and all he wants to do is hide. Touya looks up at him with an understanding smile. 

“Don't worry about it.” Touya says as he finishes wiping up the mess off the floor. 

“Can you tell me what happened though?” His brother asks, and Shouto sighs. 

“I don't know.” He says, chewing on a fingernail. “It's like I can't eat anything without losing all control, and suddenly it doesn't matter, and I want to eat everything.” He answers, as he crosses the room, and leans over the counter to put the lid back on the rice he was eating. Touya grabs the cheese, and takes the container from him to put away in the fridge while Shouto cleans up crackers crumbs, and puts the box away. 

He curls up in his bed after that, feeling shame and disappointment twist inside him. He jumps when his phone vibrates underneath him, and he realizes he hasn't even looked at it since he got home from school this afternoon. He turns the screen on, squinting at the bright light. He sees a text from Midoriya, Bakugou, and Momo. 

Midoriya had just sent him a meme, the corner of his mouth lifts, but not much more. Momo’s text was about their court case. 

Momo: Can you have Touya reach out to my father? He says he hasn't been able to get a hold of him. 

Shouto purses his lips, but takes a screenshot of the message and forwards it to Touya. 

Lastly, he opens the text from Bakugou and it's a photo of a red and white flower. 

Bakugou: Its U. 

Shouto actually smiles at the message as he looks closely at the flowers. They resemble ones he sees outside the hospital his mother is at. 

Me: where are you? 

He waits, and Bakugou starts typing almost immediately. 

Bakugou: My house? 

Me: No when you took that photo. 

Bakugou: Idk some place in town

Before he can respond, the bedroom door opens. 

“Hey, I talked to Yaoyorozu today. We'll be back in court in a few weeks.” Shouto nods slowly. 

“Do you know when, exactly?” He asks, and Touya sighs. 

“Yeah, the Monday after your school festival.” Shouto laughs weakly, dragging a hand down his face. 

“A-alright. Okay. Great.” He mumbles, rolling over as tears slip down his cheeks. He feels Touya sit down on the edge of his bed, as Shouto stares at the wall, wiping at his nose. 

“I'm sorry.” Touya whispers and Shouto nods. He knows his brother can't see him, but he's tired, and it's so hard to care about anything right now. He's not mad at Touya, and he doesn't want apologies from him. The only person that he wants to hear apologize would be his father, but in the end it wouldn't matter, and he knows he'll never get it anyways. 

“Did I ever tell you how envious I was of you when you were a baby?” Touya asks, and Shouto rolls over to look at his brother. 

“What?” He asks, raising an eyebrow. 

“Well, truth be told, mom and dad thought they'd be done after Natsuo. Then mom came home one day and said she was pregnant, and I didn't handle it well. I don't know why, I just thought everyone would forget about me if mom had another kid. Dad was barely present as it was, and mom had enough going on between the three of us. I actually resented you for a long time, but for whatever reason you loved me. You'd seek me out over mom most days. It really pissed me off at first, but you grew on me, and before I knew it I had this little sidekick who went everywhere with me. It's silly, but I can't even imagine my life without you in it.”

Shouto can tell his brother is crying now, and he is feeling emotional too. He sits up and wraps his arms around Touya, as they both cry in the dark bedroom.

Notes:

Disordered eating, vomiting
The eating disorder has a little less focus after this chapter <3

Chapter 12: Did Your Heartstrings Swell?

Notes:

Hello!! I made it just in time 😂😂 it's still Sunday for another 50 minutes. Anyways please enjoy!! Of any formatting it weird I apologize Ai posted this from my phone 🥴
Me
Gold

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

“You're a soothing ice pack
Did it hurt when you fell down my wishin' well?
Did you find medicine?
Did your heartstrings swell?
Do you see me in your dreams?
Convince yourself that this is happening
Or did you forget everything?”

Wishing Well - Cavetown

 

The days blur together the closer they get to the school festival. Katsuki's days have become occupied with the touch ups to his robot and Todoroki Shouto. 

“What's this for anyway?” Shouto asks, holding up a switch board. 

“Oh, just to control the robot. Each switch sends different instructions essentially. Here, give it to me, I'll show you.”

When Katsuki told Shouto he could come help him get his robot ready, he hadn't actually intended for the asshole to follow through, but here they are. He hooks up the robot to the switch board, and flicks different switches. 

“This won't be what I use for the battle, obviously. I need a wireless controller for that.” He mutters. Shouto watches, seemingly invested in how the robot reacts to each switch. Katsuki loses focus on the robot for a moment, enamored with the pretty boy in front of him, and suddenly the robot is just walking straight into a wall. It hits the wall, bouncing backwards, and repeats the action again, before Katsuki is able to snap back into focus and unplug it. 

“Ah, shit!” He mutters, picking it, and looking it over. 

“Is it okay?” Shouto asks, and he nods, turning the piece of machinery in his hands. 

“Yeah, I think it's fine. Just gotta pay attention to what I'm doing, can't have any weak spots before the battle.” He mumbles, setting it back in the cupboard it'll stay in until the school festival. 

“Is there anything else I can help you with?” Shouto asks, and Katsuki shakes his head. 

“Nah, I shouldn't have stayed late today anyways. I gotta go, but I'll see you later, okay?” He says, and Shouto nods. 

“Oh, I'm sorry if I kept you.” He says, a little pout on his lips and Katsuki grits his teeth, hating the way he wants to kiss that look away. He doesn't know when it got this bad, when he started thinking of him as Shouto, or when the nicknames that he wanted to say became more intimate, or endearing. 

“You didn't keep me. Needed to do some work anyways, but thanks for your help.” He says, and he smiles. It feels wrong on his face somehow, but also like what Shouto deserves. He smiles back and nods. 

“Of course. I'm glad I could help.” Katsuki nods in response and they walk out together, before Shouto turns towards the art department with a final goodbye. Katsuki hates the way his heart aches. How he wants to reach out so badly just to kiss Shouto goodbye. 

-

When he gets to the hospital, he's half an hour late, but he's certain no one will care. He signs in at the desk and Mirko raises an eyebrow at him. 

“Not your usual early self today.” She comments and he chuckles. 

“Nah, I was working on a school project, and then I had to stop at my house, to grab the ice cream I got Tenko, so I'm sure he won't be too upset with me.” Mirko smiles. 

“That's exciting. The doctor told you something he can have?” 

“Yup. Dole whip.” He says, pulling the pint out of his bag.

“Hell yeah, kid!” Mirko says, lifting her hand for a high five, and Katsuki returns it without hesitation, feeling somewhat smug. He quickly leaves the lobby, and heads towards the children's ward. Tenko’s in his same spot, sketching furiously as usual. 

“Hey, kid.” Katsuki says, plopping in the chair across from him. Tenko drops his pencil and looks up. His eyes are wide, appearing stunned. 

“You… Came back?”

“Yeah?! Should I not have?” Katsuki questions raising an eyebrow. Tenko blinks at him silently as he picks up his pencil and starts tapping it anxiously off the table. 

“People don't usually come back after they see me like that. People tell me it’s scary.” He mumbles, shrugging, and Katsuki feels his own shoulders droop. 

“Takes a lot more than that to scare me away. Now I brought you something.” He says, as he opens up his bag. Tenko watches him with doubt in his eyes, but when he sees what Katsuki pulls out, he seems interested. He turns the container in his hands, before reading the label. 

He reads the packaging, turning the container in his hands. 

“It's not quite ice cream, but apparently dairy causes you to have bad flares.” He explains, as Tenko nods, looking it over, before his eyes flick up to look at Katsuki. 

“Can you get me a spoon?” He asks, and he grins, nodding his head. 

“Yeah, I'll be right back.” Katsuki's only gone a minute and when he comes back Tenko has the lid off the ice cream and is still looking at the packaging. 

“Here.” He says, offering the spoon. Tenko smiles, as he quickly digs in. Katsuki feels his heart squeeze inside his chest as he watches Tenko seem so content. He's glad he could make this happen. 

Suddenly the kid slips out of his chair, and runs around the table, to hug Katsuki. 

“Thank you.” He whispers, his head buried in his chest. “A lot of people have promised and never actually done it.” Katsuki’s arms slowly wrap around Tenko’s small frame, he feels a blush spread across his cheeks, surprised by the affection, and appreciation.

“Y-yeah. No problem kid.” Katsuki says, as Tenko pulls away and returns to his seat. He continues eating his ice cream, and it gets quiet again. Which prompts Katsuki to pull out his phone.

“You got anymore manga panels for me to look at?” Tenko asks, and Katsuki looks up surprised. 

“Eh? Sorry, kid, I don't.” Katsuki says, and Tenko nods before taking another bite. 

“I drew something. Can I show you?” Katsuki's eyebrows raise in surprise as he nods. He drew something he didn't throw away? Is all Katsuki could think as he leaned forward. 

“Yeah, of course. I’d love to see whatever you drew.” He says, as the boy unfolds a piece of paper.

“It's you.” Tenko explains, and it's not as good as his hands, but that is clearly Katsuki on the paper. 

“Kid, that's really good. Can I take a picture?” Katsuki asks, and Tenko thinks for a moment before nodding slightly. He pulls his phone out and takes a quick photo of the drawing. 

The silence returns after that, as Tenko devours the ice cream, eventually stopping when it's half empty. 

“You said you have… A list of approved snacks?” He asks, almost sounding shy. Katsuki grins and nods his head. 

“Yeah, kid, you wanna see it?” Tenko nods as Katsuki searches his backpack, passing it to him. The boy looks over the list, and turns it around so Katsuki can read it. 

“This. Please.” Tenko says, pointing at one of the items on the list. Katsuki chuckles and nods. 

“Yeah, I can do that.” Katsuki checks the time, and knows he needs to get going. 

“Hey, kid, I'll see you in a month with another snack, okay?” Tenko nods, and when Katsuki stands up he gets another hug. He sighs, and hugs Tenko back. He's doing something right at least. 

-

“You and Kacchan have been spending a lot of time together.” Midoriya says, erasing a dialog box, and muttering to himself. Something about needing more charcoal. 

“Hm, yeah, I suppose.” Shouto responds, carving out some details for the pot he made. He's nearly finished and ready to start painting it now. 

“Is there... Something going on between you two?” Midoriya asks, a curious glint in his eye. Shouto stares at him in confusion. 

“No? What do you mean?” He asks and Midoriya's mouth opens and shuts a few times before he buries himself in his manga. 

“Nothing! Nevermind!” He says, voice cracking, almost sounding nervous, and Shouto blinks a few times before returning to his work. He can't help but wonder, though, what his friend means by his question… Is there something going on between them? 

-

Katsuki isn't quite sure how he's ended up at the mall on some random ass Wednesday with Deku and Shouto, but here they fucking are. Katsuki looks around as Deku leads them to some  dumbass art supply store as the three of them look around. Shouto wanders off as Katsuki follows Deku to his manga supply corner. 

“What the fuck are you doing?” He whispers, half cornering the younger boy who won't take his eyes off the art supplies. 

“Hmmm, I've got no idea what you're talking about, Kacchan.” Deku says with a smile. 

“Yeah, I'm sure you don't, you dumb bastard. Listen, there's nothing going on between me and Halfie, so quit it with your scheming.” He growls, shoving his friend. 

“Mm, yes, this is a very normal reaction to me inviting my friends out to do something together. I'll keep what you said in mind.” Deku responds, a smug ass grin in his face. 

“Fuck you, I'm going to find Halfie.” Katsuki mutters, stomping away. 

“Have fun!” Deku responds far too cheery for someone who was one smart comment away from getting his lights knocked out. He finds Shouto in another part of the store staring at some paint brushes. They look really nice, and say they're specifically for ceramics. 

“Whatcha lookin at, Halfie?” The younger boy jumps, seemingly surprised by his voice. 

“Oh, just some brushes. Nothing important.” He says, and Katsuki looks at them for a moment. He wants to suggest that Shouto get them, but he stops himself. They're professional quality brushes, and certainly aren't cheap, if Shouto could get them he would. 

“Where's Midoriya?” Shouto asks, changing the subject. 

“Oh, hm, he was looking at charcoal last I knew.” Shouto nods as he moves down the aisle, looking at different glazes. Everytime Shouto stops to study something, Katsuki has the overwhelming urge to snatch it up and buy it for him. He knows that’s crazy, the other boy wouldn't even let him if he tried, and it'd probably embarrass him as well. Thankfully, eventually, Deku finds them once he's got what he wants. 

“Todoroki, did you need anything?” Deku asks, and of course Shouto shakes his head. 

“No, I'm good, thank you.”

“Okay! I'm hungry, do either of you care if we head to the food court?” Katsuki doesn't miss the expression on Shouto's face as he anticipates his response. 

“I'm out of money.” He says with a shrug and Katsuki doesn't miss a beat. 

“I'm buying, Halfie. Don't worry about it.” Shouto looks annoyed as his head whips in Katsuki's direction. 

“You can't just keep buying me food, Bakugou.” He says, clearly annoyed and Deku speaks up to try to dissolve the tension. 

“Okay, it's on me then!” Shouto groans, dragging a hand down his face. 

“Guys, I eat before I leave the house to avoid these situations. Please stop spending your money on me.” Katsuki raises an eyebrow, and is about to argue when Deku speaks up. 

“Even if I buy you a soft pretzel?” He asks with a grin. Shouto narrows his eyes as the silence fills the space between them. 

“Fine, a soft pretzel with cheese and nothing else.” Shouto concedes and Deku grins victoriously. 

“Perfect, let's go!” He says, leading the way to the food court.

They sit down so he and Deku figure out what they're going to eat, when the latter pulls out his phone, seeming distracted. He looks up quickly, cheeks bright red. 

“Hey guys, I lost track of time, and I actually need to go. Rody’s coming to visit and we've gotta go pick him up at the airport.” Katsuki narrows his eyes. 

“You bastard, you know exactly what you're doing!” He snarls, grabbing his friend by his shirt collar. 

“Sorry, Kacchan, I've got no idea what you're talking about, but I need to go!” He says prying the blond’s hand off his shirt. 

“Whatever.” He says, shoving Deku slightly. “You gonna finally tell him about your massive crush?” Katsuki asks, a cocky smirk on his face as Deku stutters, tripping over his words, before quickly composing himself and grinning back. 

“I don't know, are you planning on doing that anytime soon?” He asks, before turning and running towards the mall entrance. 

-

Shouto watches back and forth as the two boys argue, and somewhere in the back of his mind, all he accounts for is that fact that he hasn't gotten the pretzel he was promised. Bakugou slumps back in his chair before looking up at Shouto once Midoriya is gone. 

“Well, you want that fucking pretzel then?” He asks and Shouto shakes his head, feeling guilty over all the money Katsuki's spent on him already. 

“I'm alright.” He answers and the blond rolls his eyes. 

“That's too bad, ‘cause you're getting a pretzel.” He says, getting to his feet and walking to the pretzel stand. He's gone before Shouto even has a chance to argue. He pouts as he sits alone, annoyed that his friends insist on constantly spending money on him, every time they go somewhere. Katsuki returns a minute later with two soft pretzels and some cheese, and Shouto feels his stomach growl. He did eat before he left, it's just when they got to the mall he may have slipped off the bathroom and thrown up. He ends up taking the pretzel gratefully, as Katsuki eats his own. 

“Is your display ready for the school festival?” He asks as Shouto looks up. 

“Oh yeah. It should be getting fired tonight, I glazed it on Monday.” Shouto says between bites. 

“I'm excited to see it.” He says, and it makes Shouto smile. 

“Yeah. I am too. I'm excited to show my mom, she doesn't know what I'm doing for the festival, and I really hope she likes it.” Katsuki nods, with a soft smile. It makes something flutter in his stomach. 

“Do you think she'll come to the festival?” He asks, and Shouto sighs. 

“I don't know if she could.” He admits with a shrug as a sour look spreads over the blond's face. 

“Your old man's got her on a tight fucking leash.” Katsuki says with a sneer, and Shouto just nods. 

“Well, whether or not she makes it, I'm sure she's gonna love your re-creation.” He offers, and Shouto feels himself flush at the compliment.

“Well, thank you. I hope you're right.” He says, staring at his half eaten pretzel, appetite gone after their conversation as Katsuki finishes the last bite of his own. 

“You not hungry?” Katsuki asks, and Shouto just shakes his head. 

“Sorry if it's hard for you to talk about your mom. I can stop asking about her if it makes you uncomfortable.” Katsuki offers, and Shouto just shrugs. 

“I don't know. It is hard talking about her, but… It's easier with you than it is with other people, if that makes sense?” Katsuki nods, and there's an endearing look in his eye. For whatever reason it makes heat creep up Shouto’s face, all the way to the tips of his ears as he looks away, taking a sip from his water bottle nervously. 

“Alright,” Katsuki says, grabbing their garbage. “I've got no other reason to be here. You ready to go home? I'll walk you back.” Shouto’s heart beats faster at the offer as he nods, maybe a little too enthusiastically. 

“Yeah, if you're sure you don't mind.” Katsuki walks past him to throw out the garbage in his hands. 

“Wouldn't offer if I did, Halfie.”

-

The walk is quiet as Shouto’s hands hang loosely at his sides. Occasionally Katsuki's knuckles brush against his, and each time it makes him suck in a surprised breath. His body is screaming at him to reach out and hold his hand. 

Suddenly they're outside his apartment, and he's never been so simultaneously disappointed and relieved. Shouto turns to look at Katsuki, smiling softly at the older boy. 

“Thank you, for the pretzel and walking me home.” Shouto says, and whatever demon is possessing him takes over suddenly as he leans down slightly to kiss Katsuki on the cheek. It only gets worse when the blond turns his head, probably surprised by the gesture, as Shouto’s lips land on the corner of his mouth. 

Suddenly all the oxygen surrounding them is sucked out of the atmosphere, as the two boys stare at each other in stunned silence before Shouto whips around, and runs inside the apartment building.

-

Katsuki stares at the entrance of Shouto’s apartment building for what feels like hours. The corner of his mouth feels like it's on fire from where Shouto’s lips had brushed against his, and he'd probably be jumping up and down screaming if Shouto hadn't run away like a scared kitten. He sighs, as he reluctantly starts his walk home. 

He gets home about 15 minutes later to see multiple texts from Shouto.

Todoroki: I'm so sorry. 

I don't know why I did that. 

It won't happen ever again I swear. 

I'm so so sorry. 

He scrubs his face, wanting to scream. It's fine, Shouto doesn't even know how fine it is. That he could kiss Katsuki fully on the mouth and he'd probably fucking thank him. 

Me: Relax, it's fine. I'm not mad. 

Todoroki: You're not? Are you sure? 

Me: Halfie we've talked about this 100 times. I don't say shit I don't mean. 

Katsuki chuckles at the other boy’s panic. He rests his head in his hands, dragging them down his face in exhaustion. 

How did he get caught up in this shit?

Notes:

We have a Pinterest board now for vibes

And here's a little reminder that we also have a little Playlist

Thank you guys so much for reading and commenting!

Chapter 13: Hell Is Right Around The Corner (But It’s Heaven Next To You)

Notes:

This chapter is beast, both in length, and content, TW's in the endnotes, but please enjoy!! <3 comments and kudos are my life blood. You can check us out on twt btw!!
Me
Gold

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

“I can ignore all the sounds
The static, hold me
Don't you let the monsters in
I know you'll keep me steady
When the ceiling starts to spin
Hell is right around the corner
But it's heaven next to you
Let's pretend we won't get older
If we never leave this room
Just close the windows, forget all our troubles
Lеt 'em go like we don't know
Hеll is right around the corner
But I'll forgive the world as long as it has you.”

forgive the world - Nessa Barrett

 

The buzz of the lunch room is overwhelming to Shouto as everyone talks animatedly about the upcoming school festival. He is excited, but also incredibly stressed, and trying to deal with his growing disappointment that his mom won't be there. A part of him doesn't even feel like seeing her tonight, because it'll just make it hurt worse, but he knows he can't do that. Not to himself, and not to her. A tray slams down on the other side of the table and Shouto jumps, and looks up to see Bakugou sitting down across from him. 

“All good, Halfie?” And he nods. 

“Mhm. ‘M fine.” Katsuki snorts and rolls his eyes. 

“Sure y’are.” Shouto sticks his tongue out, before returning his attention to pushing his food around his tray. 

“Todoroki, do you think you could help me set up my display for the festival tonight?” Momo asks, head cocked to the side. Shouto shakes his head, before responding. 

“Sorry, Momo, I would, but I'm going to see my mom this evening.” She nods with a small smile. 

“Oh, that'll be nice! I hope you enjoy seeing her then.” He smiles back as best as he can muster. He looks down at his tray and he can't find a reason to eat, as he cleans up, and takes his tray to toss out his food. 

-

Katsuki leans over the receptionist desk as he signs his name on the volunteer sheet. 

“You're seeing Himura today?” Mirko asks and Katsuki nods. 

“I am.” He confirms, handing over the clipboard. 

“Her youngest is here this evening, you met him yet?” She asks with a smirk and Katsuki laughs. 

“I've uh, kinda already got my eye on someone, but thanks for the heads up.” He says with a chuckle. 

“Oooooh well, good luck kid!” She says with a smirk, and Katsuki snorts. 

“Yeah, thanks.” He says, making his way to the elevator. When he reaches Rei’s room, he knocks and waits for an answer. He hears voices on the other side, and it sounds like there's a few people here. The door opens before he has another moment to think about it, and Katsuki's heart leaps into his throat as gray and blue eyes look back at him. 

He blinks once, twice, and rubs his eyes to confirm he's not insane. 

“Oh my God, you're Rei’s youngest son!” Katsuki says, placing a hand over his own mouth. 

“And you're the volunteer everyone compares to Touya! Oh my God!”

“Shouto, honey, let poor Bakugou into the room.” Shouto shakes his head, most likely recovering from his confusion. 

“Oh, yeah. Sorry.” He mumbles, stepping outside of the doorway. Katsuki narrows his eyes at Rei who looks incredibly amused. 

“You double-crossing-” Katsuki bites his tongue before he actually insults Rei. He knows how much Shouto’s mom means to him and-

“Come on, what the fuck is this about?! How long have you known?” Katsuki shouts, throwing himself into a chair to pout. 

“Only since what you told me two weeks ago, Bakugou.” She says, an amused smile on her face, and that's when Katsuki notices Fuyumi is here too. 

“I can't believe you would do this to me.” He mutters, before looking at Shouto. 

“And you couldn't have mentioned this is where your mom lives?!” Shouto’s eyebrows knit in confusion. 

“I'm sorry, you've kept your Monday afternoon adventures a secret from everyone, how was I supposed to know?” Shouto asks, grinning, clearly amused, and Katsuki can't help but smile back. 

“Yeah fine, fuck you too, Halfie.” He responds with an eye roll. “Okay, so are you any good at Hanafuda? Your siblings kicked my ass.” Shouto blinks in surprise. 

“Sorry, you've met my entire family?” Shouto asks, before he starts laughing. 

“Yeah, why's that so funny?!” He barks and Shouto’s doubled over at this point. 

“Sorry, sorry.” He says between giggles. “We just all literally look the same.” Shouto explains, and Katsuki briefly considers kissing that stupid smile off his face. 

“Answer the damn question, Shouto.” Katsuki barks, and he seems taken back by the use of his given name before he shrugs. 

“Pretty bad at it, to be honest. Never had much interest in learning.” He admits, and Katsuki grins. 

“Perfect, let's play, and you're next!” He says, pointing at Fuyumi. 

That's how the next few hours go. Katsuki makes Shouto play him three rounds, and wins each one, followed by three losses to Fuyumi. He accepts it with as much grace as he typically does, which means he accuses Fuyumi of cheating, and pouts for a minute. 

They talk about the school festival, and their plans for it. Shouto doesn't mention his recreation of his mom's vase, so Katsuki doesn't either, just in case it's a surprise. He internally facepalms every time they smile because it's the exact same expression. How did he miss it? 

Eventually it's time for them all to leave. Katsuki stayed far longer than he meant too, but Shouto’s an entirely different person around his family, and he wanted to take in every minute of it. After they say their goodbyes, Fuyumi offers him a ride home, which he's in no position to turn down at this point. 

“Fuyumi, do you think I could talk to Bakugou alone for a minute?” Shouto asks, surprising both his sister and Katsuki. 

“Oh, yeah. I'll head down to the car!” She says with a small wave. Shouto turns to him, and Katsuki can see tears sitting on the edge of his water line. 

“Thank you.” He whispers, and Katsuki furrows his eyebrows in confusion. 

“What’re you thanking me for? I didn't do anything.” Katsuki says with a shrug, and Shouto shakes his head, as he lifts a hand to wipe at his eyes. 

“I get worried about my mom being here. I don't see her as often as I'd like to, because it's hard to come alone, and my siblings can't always make it. You've really made things better for her, she told me that you got rid of those flowers my father got her. So yes, you did a lot. Thank you.” Suddenly Shouto’s long, lanky arms are wrapping around him, and Katsuki barely thinks before he hugs him back. 

“You don't gotta thank me, Halfie.” He whispers, as they embrace in the middle of the hallway. He knows there's people muddling and working around them, but somehow it feels like it's just them, and if he closes his eyes he can pretend that’s the truth. 

-

School lets out early on Friday for students to prepare for the festival that evening. Shouto can smell snacks being prepared for the evening as he makes his way towards the pop up gallery he's been assisting in creating for the last month. 

He stops to see Midoriya's manga spread behind a clear plastic case. It's just a couple of pages, but the details never fail to amaze him. He stops at Momo’s statue next. An abstract human figure made from sheets of metal. She told him it's the Amaterasu, the Japanese sun goddess. He smiles at the figure, knowing just how hard she worked on it. 

He walks up to the empty display case, and opens it up to place his and his mother's vase in together. He smiles feeling satisfied as he places the information card in front of it. 

Artists: student Todoroki Shouto and mother Himura Rei

He checks the other displays and verifies names and projects before feeling satisfied with the gallery, and leaving to go see how preparation for the bot battles is going. His heart flips in his chest when he thinks about seeing Katsuki. He's done a lot of thinking this week, especially after finding out that Katsuki's been visiting with their mother. He already figured out that he's manifested some sort of feelings towards the blond, but now that he knows just how much Katsuki's done for his family, just how kind, and compassionate he really is, it's kinda over for him. 

He reaches the arena for the bot battles, and finds Momo tightening up some bolts on her robot. 

“How's it going? Your statue looks amazing by the way!” Shouto says, and Momo smiles brightly. 

“Thank you! It's going alright. I think my bot’s ready to crush our opponents.” She says confidently, patting the top of it. Shouto smiles. 

“I'm sure it is.” He responds, before he notices Katsuki across the arena, working on his bot. He can see a smudge of oil on his cheek from where he's standing, and Shouto can't help but think it's just a little hot. He mentally shakes the idea away, all these thoughts and feelings are so new, and weird.

“I'll catch up with you in a bit, okay?” He says, and Momo follows his gaze, before her eyes land on Bakugou. 

“Ooooh I see what's going on. Yeah, go get him.” Momo says with a smirk. He scrunches his nose up at her teasing, before crossing the arena to Bakugou. 

“Hi.” He says when he reaches Katsuki. The blond looks up with a crazy grin on his face. 

“Hey, check this out.” Katsuki says, and he presses a button on his controller, as a spinning blade comes out of the bot. 

“Jesus Christ!” Shouto says, stepping back with a laugh. “You're a maniac.” He adds, and Katsuki laughs.

“Just know how to win.” Katsuki says grinning. 

“You've uh, got something on your face.” Shouto says, pointing to his own cheek, and Katsuki raises his hand up, wiping at the back smudge. 

“Ah shit. Thanks, Halfie.” He mutters, wiping his face with a cloth. Shouto swallows nervously, because all he wants to do is press his mouth to Katsuki's. It's gotten so much worse than that day after they left the mall. 

“Alright, I gotta get back to the gallery, I'll uh, see you later.” Shouto says, before he ends up saying something stupid, and convincing Bakugou to never speak to him again. 

When Shouto gets back to the gallery, he finds Midoriya with a taller boy with brown hair. He's pointing out his manga pages to him, as he mumbles incessantly about each page. 

Shouto doesn't miss how their hands both hang loosely at their sides, reaching out slightly towards the other, pinkies intertwined. It's cute. 

“Hi, Midoriya.” Shouto says, getting his friend's attention and startling him. 

“Oh! Todoroki, I didn't know you were here.” He smiles. 

“Yeah, I was just saying hi to Bakugou and Momo, seeing if they needed anything.” Midoriya smiles at that, looking at Shouto like he knows something. 

“Oh, that makes sense. Todoroki this my…” Midoriya pauses as he looks at Rody, who just smiles at him. 

“Boyfriend.” He confirms. 

“Boyfriend, right.” Midoriya agrees, looking completely smitten with the other boy. 

“This is my boyfriend, Rody.” Shouto smiles, and bows slightly. 

“Todoroki Shouto, nice to officially meet you.” He says. The boys talk a little longer about the displays, as other students filter in to make finishing touches. Shouto notices how Midoriya and Rody slip between English and Japanese as they talk to each other, and he thinks it’s cute how he’s trying to pick up the foreign language for him.

Before they know it, families, and teachers are filing in, and it’s time for the festival to start. Students take their places by their art displays, as people begin observing the gallery. 

Midoriya's mom makes her way through and stops to talk with Shouto about his piece and his mother's. She's always been so supportive of him, and it makes him emotional to think about sometimes. He watches her walk away to go talk to her son, and look at his panels. He had kept his work from her so she wouldn't see it until it was on display, so she was very excited for tonight. He looks at his own pieces solemnly, wishing, once again, that his mom was here. 

“Looks good, kid.” Shouto looks up at the sounds of his brother's voice. Touya had said he'd make it but he'd be a little late. He smiles as he looks at his brother, and thanks him. 

“What do you think, mom?” Touya asks, stepping to the side. Shouto’s face drops, when his eyes land on his mother. He sees tears in her eyes, as he feels them gather in his own eyes. 

“Oh my God, you're here.” Shouto says, voice barely above a whisper. She nods, and reaches out to hug him. He leans down to wrap his arms around her, as the tears drip down his face. 

“Shouto, this is beautiful. You should be so proud of yourself.” She whispers, and he pulls her closer, as he tries not to break down sobbing in the middle of the display. 

“Thank you. Thank you so much.” He whispers as they hold each other. He pulls away, with a steadying breath, and his mom smiles up at him. His family sticks around a bit after that, Touya explains how he pulled some strings to get her released for the evening, and Shouto tries not to cry again, as he hugs his brother, profusely thanking him. 

After about a half hour, students are permitted to leave their displays and explore the festival with their families. He finds his mom and Fuyumi at the obstacle course set up by the athletic department as Touya and Natsuo fumble their way through. Shouto laughs as they run through some tires and Touya’s foot gets stuck, causing him to fall on his face. In the end, that's what loses it for him. 

“Oh, Bakugou's here, if you want to see what he's doing?” Shouto says to his mom, who smiles with a little nod. He leads the way to the arena, and they sit in the bleachers. Katsuki's bot is currently up against a first year’s, and he's getting pretty into it. The other bot seems like it has a fighting chance, when its arm swings down in an attempt to crush it. Katsuki laughs though when his blade comes out, tears up the other bot, leaving it mangled, and immobile. 

“Ha! Loser!” Katsuki shouts, jumping up on the table in front of him, throwing his arms in the air in success. Two more bots will battle next, so Katsuki has time to make any minor repairs on his, and then he'll battle the winner of the next round. He watches as Katsuki's parents come up and congratulate him, but not before he gets a swat on the back of the head for his attitude. It makes Shouto feel a little emotional, the normalcy of it.

Katsuki looks into the bleachers, and he and Shouto make eye contact. He can't help the smile that spreads across his lips as Katsuki smiles up at him with a small wave. He waves back, and the blond turns around as his cheeks turn pink. He's probably hoping Shouto didn't see it, but he does. 

“You like Bakugou, don't you?” His mom asks, catching Shouto off guard. 

“Ah-what do you mean? No, I don't like anyone.” Very convincing, idiot. He thinks to himself, as his mom smiles. 

“No, no, of course not, sweetie.” She says patting his thigh. Suddenly Touya joins them with a cone of cotton candy bigger than his head followed by Natsuo with a balloon animal hat, and Shouto considers abandoning his family at the bot battles and sneaking away immediately. He doesn’t but only because Fuyumi distracts him, asking him about his recreation of their mom’s vase. 

More battles happen, and Katsuki wins each one until they get to the finale, and no one is surprised when it comes down to Momo and Bakugou. They're both busy patching their robots up when the final buzzer is called for them to put their bots in the ring. 

They both return to their tables when the bell sounds for them to begin. Katsuki's robot moves towards Momo’s, in an attempt to corner her. Suddenly though, her robot opens up in the front, like a mouth with jagged teeth. Katsuki looks alarmed as he back tracks, trying to avoid being caught in her jaws. He brings out his blade in defense, as he tries to swing around behind her robot, but it moves too quickly. Her movement system is incredibly efficient, and fast. 

Suddenly Katsuki is backed into a corner, as he turns up the speed of his blade. Momo’s robot has him, as he's scooped up in the mouth of her robot. It appears that he's lost, until her robot halts all movement. 

Or, well, they both do. 

His blade cut wires inside Momo’s robot, at the same moment that the teeth in her robot drove through the control panel inside of Katsuki's. Shouto watches his jaw drop in disbelief as the two opponents stare at each other in shock.

“Sorry, folks, looks like we've got a tie!” The announcer says over the speaker as Katsuki throws his controller down in rage. He shouts at Momo across the ring. 

“That's not a win, ponytail!” She smiles, looking cocky as she responds. 

“It's not a loss either.”

He grumbles to himself as they enter the rings and untangle their robots. Shouto smiles fondly as his mom nudges him. He turns to look at her. 

“I do have to get going. I'm so glad I could make it though.” Rei says, squeezing his hands. He smiles back at her as he nods. 

“I understand. Thank you for coming at all.” He says, before Touya interjects.

“I’m gonna drive mom back, and drop off Fuyumi and Natsuo, but I'll be back for you in a bit alright?” Shouto nods again, saying bye to his family. Shouto turns his attention back to the arena, and sees Bakugou at his table examining his robot. He quickly gets to his feet to go check in with him. 

“Is it alright?” Shouto asks and Katsuki sighs, and shakes his head. 

“I'll have to replace a bunch of parts. The control board is destroyed but I also fucked up ponytail's bot pretty good, so, it is what it is.” He says, turning it in his hands. 

“I've gotta go clean up my display, I'll see you before you leave though?” He asks, and Katsuki glances up, appearing surprised before he nods. 

“Y-yeah, for sure, Halfie.” Shouto can't help but smile a little before he waves, and walks back to the gallery. He sees Midoriya collecting his manga panels as he starts to dismantle the display case. Shouto smiles to himself as he unlocks his display, and pulls out the card, placing it in his pocket, before he grabs his vase and his mom's.

He places them next to the case, as he starts to dismantle it. Once the plastic pieces are stacked in an orderly manner, he picks up his vase, and puts it in the transportation box so it can travel safely in the car. He’s grabbing his mother's vase next, as he hears a voice that haunts his dreams. 

He looks up, and sees his father standing across the gallery from him. His signature smug grin slapped on his face. Shouto doesn’t think, as his shoulders tense, and his mouth feels like it’s stuffed full of cotton. The sound of ceramic shattering startles him back into the moment. He stares at the broken vase in horror, before he looks up at his father with the same expression.

He's only a few feet away now, as the nausea twists in his stomach. He thinks he hears Midoriya talking, maybe Bakugou, too. He can't process any of it, as his father’s mouth moves too. Without thought or hesitation, he shoves passed the man in front of him, and runs out of the area. He runs without thought and finds himself in the music room, where he drops onto the piano bench. He licks his lips, as a broken gasp is ripped from inside him.

-

Katsuki and Deku stare at each other, glancing between Shouto and the man towering over him. The fear in his eyes tells Katsuki exactly who he is, as Shouto shoves passed him, running faster than he's ever seen. 

“Get the vase, I'll get him.” Katsuki says to Deku before he takes off. 

His mind races as he tries to anticipate where Shouto may have gone. His first stop is the ceramics studio, but it's locked. He's just hoping Shouto hasn't locked himself in there. He stays in the arts department, and makes his way down the hallway, when he hears piano notes floating out from the music room. 

He stares at the door, and slowly walks closer, peeking inside to see Shouto at the bench, dragging his fingers lazily across the keys. He watches him silently as he plays purposefully, but too slowly for Katsuki to name the tune. Eventually his fingers go still, as he lifts a hand to wipe tear tracks from his face. 

“I didn't know you played.” Katsuki says, before he can even consider it. Shouto jumps, shoulders hunched by his ears as he hides behind his hands, before he reflexively pulls them back down, embarrassed. 

“Don't fucking sneak up on me like that!” Shouto shouts, pounding his fist against the keys, it’s jarring compared to the sounds he’d heard only a moment ago. Katsuki's slightly taken aback by his tone, but he can tell the other boy is scared, so he reigns himself in, before snapping back. 

“Sorry. I didn't mean to.” Is all he says, and Shouto sighs, shoulders slumping in something akin to defeat.

“Was that your dad?” Katsuki asks, and Shouto just nods slowly. 

“Yeah… Yeah, it was.” He whispers, dragging his hands down his face. Katsuki moves without thought, sitting with his legs straddling the bench to face Shouto. 

“I'm sorry he showed up. You seemed scared.” Shouto just nods again, as he stares at the piano keys, before lifting his fingers and playing again. 

“My mom taught me.” Shouto explains quietly, responding to his statement from just a moment ago. “I was pretty young, but I remember it so vividly. It's only these few notes, but it's stuck with me for probably 10 years now.” He whispers, while Katsuki watches enamored with the younger boy. Shouto’s fingers stop moving, sliding off the keys as his hands land in his lap. Katsuki doesn't know what possesses him to do this, but before he can think about, his hands move to cup Shouto’s face. 

His eyes widen at the touch, and small space between them. 

“Can I kiss you?” Katsuki asks, forcing the words out before he can reconsider them. Shouto swallows, he feels it beneath his fingers. 

“Y-you want to?” He asks, barely audible, Katsuki nods though. 

“Yeah, I do.” And then Shouto nods too, which is all Katsuki needs to pull him in, and press their lips together. 

Katsuki feels something break inside his mind, as their lips touch. He leans into the kiss even though he knows they couldn't get closer if they tried. He feels Shouto’s fingers curl around the hair at the nape of his neck, as he melts into the touch. 

Suddenly, before he's ready, Shouto pulls away, pressing their foreheads together and breathing deeply. They don't talk for a moment, Shouto just breathes and stares down at the bench, as Katsuki’s fingers ghost across his cheek bone, tucking his hair behind his ear. 

“I've wanted to do that for a while.” Katsuki finally says, and Shouto smiles. It's small, but he sees it. 

“Yeah, me too.”

-

Shouto sighs as the situation comes rushing back to him. 

“I've gotta go get my vase. And clean up my mom's.” He mumbles, as everything starts to sink in. 

“Deku got your mom's vase cleaned up, so don't worry about that.” Shouto nods, wiping at his eyes. 

“I've gotta call Touya.” He says, pulling out his phone. He holds the phone to his ear, as it starts ringing. 

“Hey, where are you?” Touya asks, and Shouto feels the words die on his tongue. He doesn't know what to say anymore, what to tell him even happened. He hears Touya speaking, but the words still won't come. Suddenly his phone is gently taken from his hand as Katsuki puts it on speaker. 

“Hey, it's Bakugou. We're in the music room right now. Your uh, dad showed up.” He can hear Touya sigh through the phone. 

“Fuck, of course he did. Is Shouto alright?” Touya asks, and he can hear the panic in his brother's voice, but for whatever reason the words just won't come out. Katsuki looks at him, and he can see the worry in his eyes. 

“Your dad didn't do anything, if that's what you mean. Shouto's just sitting here with me right now.” Katsuki explains, as Shouto stares. 

“Can he hear me?” Touya asks. 

“Yeah, you're on speaker.”

“Shou, he's gone, can you come find me where the gallery was set up? Midoriya’s here with your vase.” He nods slightly, which Katsuki communicates before ending the call. 

He hands Shouto back his phone, and he slips it back into his pocket silently.

“Are you alright?” Katsuki asks and Shouto wants to answer, but the words just won't come out. The silence is heavy, as Katsuki offers him a hand, and helps him to his feet. 

It only takes a minute to return to where the gallery had been. Shouto hadn't realized how long they'd been gone, but somehow in that time everything had been torn down. 

Midoriya comes up to him, and gives him his vase in the carrier he'd brought it in. It's exceptionally lighter without the weight of his mom's inside. It makes him emotional, as he holds the carrier to his chest, and starts crying again. It’s silent this time, just large tears trailing down his cheeks. He’s back with Touya again, and Touya’s talking to him, but everything is just a dull static inside his head. He just wants to go home. 

How has his father managed to taint everything he loves? 

-

The car ride home is silent between Shouto and his brother. Touya had tried to ask about their dad, but all Shouto could say was: ‘I want to go home.’ So after a few minutes of Katsuki, Midoriya, and Touya talking while Shouto stood silently between them, they did just that. 

When they get home, Fuyumi’s waiting up for them in the living room, looking confused. 

“What took you guys so long?” She asks, and Touya sighs. 

“Dad showed up.” Is all he says as Fuyumi’s eyes go wide. 

“He what?” She questions, voice full of concern. 

“Dad showed up after we left. I don't think he got a chance to try anything, there were too many people around, but Shouto’s gone non-verbal, so I don't know exactly what happened.” Touya explains as Shouto sets his things down. They keep talking as he silently excuses himself to his bedroom. 

The more he thinks, the more he realizes he's angry. He's not scared, at least not now, but his father’s taken so much from him already, and now he's ruined his mother's vase, and for the rest of his life when he looks back on his first real kiss, he'll remember his father. He curls in on himself as memories gnaw at him. 

Large calloused hands exploring his body without permission when suddenly one of them moves up, up, up, and they twist in his hair. He tenses, waiting for the pain, when he feels his father’s lips pressed against his. He remembers gagging, and nearly throwing up inside his father’s mouth. He sobs at the memory, but he knows one thing for sure, and it's that kissing Katsuki had felt nothing like that.

Notes:

TW's: Panic attack, brief flashbacks of abuse

Chapter 14: When He Calls Me Pretty I Feel Like Somebody

Notes:

Hello!! Sorry for the late post, but we made it!! If anything looks weird it's because I am once again posting from my phone. Gold or I will fix it tomorrow 😂 enjoy this chapter, no TWs this time ❤️
You can check us out on twitter if you'd like!
Me
Gold

Chapter Text

“Lately all I feel is bad and bruised
Tired of tripping on my shoes
But when he loves me I feel like I'm floating
When he calls me pretty I feel like somebody
Even when we fade eventually to nothing
You will always be my favorite form of loving
When I start to tumble from the sky
You remind me how to fly
Lately, I've been feeling not alive
But you bring me back to life.”

Cloud 9 - Beach Bunny

 

Shouto wakes up Saturday morning to a text from Katsuki. It immediately sends his anxiety skyrocketing when memories from the night before flood his mind. 

Bakugou: You free today? I'd like to see you if you are. 

He sighs, slightly relieved, before quickly responding. 

Me: Sorry I just woke up. I'm free, no lunch though please, I'm broke and don't want you spending more money on me. 

He jumps out of bed, and starts digging through his dresser drawer. He doesn't know the last time he ever cared about what he wore, but right now he doesn't want to end up wearing something stupid. It takes a few minutes, but he finally finds an outfit that he deems acceptable, and checks his phone to see Katsuki texted him back. 

Bakugou: I'm gonna be blunt right now, if everything goes how I want it to, you're going to be my boyfriend and you're gonna have to get real comfortable real quick with the idea of me spending money on you. I won't push the issue today though

The message makes Shouto's heart jump into his throat at the confession, somewhat stunned. He really wants to be my boyfriend? runs through his mind, he can hardly wrap his head around the idea, especially after last night. If he instead told Shouto that he was too much of a basket case and he never wanted to be anywhere near him again, that'd make a lot more sense. 

Me: Would you want to meet at the creek? 

Shouto responds before he can think any further on the message, throws on the clothes he picked out, and runs out into the apartment. He stumbles backwards before nearly knocking Touya over. 

“You, uh, seem like you’re feeling better?” His brother asks, raising an eyebrow, and Shouto nods. 

“Yeah, sleep helped. I'm sorry.” He responds feeling guilty for everything that happened, but his brother shakes his head. 

“You do not need to be sorry for being traumatized. I'm sure it was scary.” Touya says with a shrug. 

“I'm just glad nothing actually happened.” He adds as Shouto sighs. 

“Yeah, except I ruined mom's vase.” He says, dejectedly.

“No one's worried about that. Accidents happen, and that wasn't your fault either.” Touya explains, but Shouto just shrugs. 

“I'm going to see Bakugou. I'll be back later.” He says, but as he goes to walk past Touya, he loops an arm through Shouto’s. 

“Not so fast there, buddy, I heard you and Bakugou have been getting pretty close.” Shouto stops, turning to stare at his brother and narrowing his eyes at him. 

“What do you mean?” He asks, and Touya smirks. 

“Mom talks, that's all. Just be good, alright?” Shouto feels his cheeks heat up as he stammers through a response. 

“I-I told you anyway that I d-don't like people that way.” Shouto mutters, stomping away towards the door, and Touya laughs. 

“Oh, but things can change, baby brother.” He hollers down after him, as Shouto shuts the front door harder than necessary. He grabs his phone, and sees a couple texts from Katsuki. 

Bakugou: I'll meet you at your apartment. 

Bakugou: Be there soon. 

Shouto runs down the stairs, skipping multiple steps as he runs out into the lobby, to see Bakugou walking up the pathway. He smiles at the sight of the other boy, and pushes through the double doors. 

Katsuki grins when they make eye contact, and it makes his heart flip inside his chest. 

“You seem better.” Katsuki says after they greet each other. Shouto nods slowly. 

“I'm alright, it was nice to wake up to your message.” He responds without thinking as he feels his cheeks flush. Katsuki smirks, and reaches out to grab Shouto’s hand. 

“C'mon, I can't find the creek without you.” He says, and Shouto’s heart skips in his chest as they walk hand in hand towards the woods behind the apartment building. 

-

Katsuki sits down next to Shouto as they stare at the water that trickles by. Neither of them talk for a minute, until Katsuki takes a breath and breaks the silence. 

“I really liked kissing you last night.” Shouto looks up in surprise and it makes him smile. 

“I know I made my feelings pretty clear, but I like you, a lot. Like a stupid fucking amount, you can ask your mom about the speech I unknowingly gave her about you. So would you like to be my boyfriend?” Katsuki asks, staring at the water. His heart is racing faster the longer he talks, and his face feels like it’s burning. Shouto nods, but he's quiet. The silence makes his heart race even worse, and after what feels like an eternity, Shouto breaks the silence with a sigh. 

“It's not that I don't want that, the opposite really, but… I'm pretty fucked up. There are a lot of things that you don’t know about, that no one really knows about me, and I don't want to drag you down into this mess.” He responds, and Katsuki almost wants to laugh, he's so relieved. 

“Look, I don't care what baggage you come with. I like you, so unless you just don't like me, and you're trying to find some round about way of telling me to fuck off, I'd like to try. I'd like to be your boyfriend.” Shouto smiles at that, nodding his head. 

“Yeah, alright. I’d like that, a lot. I'd also really like to kiss you again.”

He responds and Katsuki thinks that if those were the last words he ever heard he’d die happy. He nods as he brings a hand up to cup Shouto’s face. The kiss is so different than the one they shared last night, and Katsuki feels every fear, and nagging thought that he'd taken advantage of Shouto drift away. 

The morning slips away from them, as they sit together, and enjoy the sounds of the woods around them. Katsuki can't help but be curious though, about Shouto’s reaction to seeing his dad last night. He knows he doesn't like him, knows he's hurt him even, but the fear he saw in Shouto’s eyes made something twist inside his guts. He wants to ask, but all he knows is that right now isn't the time. 

“So, have you kissed anyone before me?” Shouto asks, and Katsuki shakes his head, willing away his other thoughts as he cringes internally. He has kissed someone before but no one he could ever like. It was just an experiment, one he wishes he'd never tried because it was so awkward. 

He'd kissed Hatsume, out of sheer confusion. He was 13 and had no idea what he liked, and he thought maybe, just maybe, kissing her might help, and to be fair it did. In that moment, he became absolutely sure that he has no attraction to women. 

“Yes, but I'm not saying who.” He grumbles, and Shouto smiles, with a quiet laugh. 

“Alright, as long as you don't mind me saying the same.” It makes Katsuki laugh, knowing he's got some awkward history like him. It's quiet for just a moment before Shouto changes the subject. 

“I won't be in school Monday. Maybe not Tuesday either.” Shouto says, eyes focused on the creek. 

“Oh, why not?” Katsuki mumbles, leaning his head against Shouto’s. 

“Gotta go back to court. Supposed to be the final hearing.” Shouto says, biting on his lip. Katsuki hums thoughtfully. 

“Could I see you after, if that's not too much?”

It's quiet for a moment before Shouto responds. 

“Maybe? Can I let you know?” 

“Yeah, of course.” Katsuki says with a shrug, before placing a kiss to the top of his head. 

-

The foreboding doors of the courtroom loom over him and Touya as Shouto follows his brother to their seats. Their father and his lawyer are already there, and Shouto’s just glad he won't be caught off guard by the sight of him entering. 

He can feel his father’s eyes on him, and he wants to scream. He wants to stand up and shout at him to leave him alone, but he doesn't. He sits in his seat and waits to be told what to do, picking nervously at his dry lips and the edges of his fingernails. His father is called to the stand not much later, and Shouto watches as he smugly walks up to the witness stand. 

“Mister Todoroki, you claim your son is unfit to be Shouto’s guardian because of his personal life. While Shouto was in your care, did you give up your personal life?” Yaoyorozu questions, and his fathers shakes his head. 

“Well, of course not, but I certainly wasn't dating anyone, and the places I did go, Shouto came with me.”

He explains, and it's not a lie, but Shouto remembers all those press conferences and the “Smile for the camera, or you'll regret it” , “Hide your bruises, you look like a mess” . He shudders as the familiar feeling of nausea twists inside him. 

“And none of this has anything to do with the fact that Touya is gay?” The lawyer confirms, and that question seems to get under his father’s skin, but he almost visibly brushes it off. 

“I haven't considered Touya to be my son for years, I couldn't care less if he's gay.”

The last word comes out with a thinly veiled tone of disgust. Shouto glances at his brother out of the corner of his eye, and he can see that despite years of not speaking, let alone associating with him, the words still hurt. 

“What is your reason for going through this custody hearing after you had Shouto removed from your home five years ago?” Their lawyer questions. Shouto glances at his father, and sees the forced tears well up in his father’s eyes, as he fights with the rage he feels inside him. 

“I just want one more chance to get to know my youngest son. We didn't get much time together because of how busy I was when he was young, and then his mother scarred him. I deserve the time that was robbed from me.” Shouto shakes at his father’s lies. He smiles at him, as Shouto hides his face in humiliation. 

“And why was he removed from your home? It sounds like you chose to miss out on his life.”

“Well, that's simply not true. Shouto was angry, and behaved in a hostile manner. I honestly think that if it wasn't for the therapy sessions I encouraged his brother to take him to, he'd be in a very similar state as his mother.” Shouto can't listen to lies any longer, he almost jumps to his feet, knocking his chair backwards.

“You're a dirty liar!” Shouto shouts, slamming his fist against the desk in front of them. 

“Todoroki Shouto.” The judge says, addressing him directly. He grits his teeth, glaring back.

“I'm sure this is hard for you, but I have to ask you to please have a seat.” He glares at his father for a moment, hearing Touya fixing his seat, before drops into it. The cross-examination begins after this, where his father is questioned by his own lawyer. Once again, Shouto finds himself somewhere else mentally. Listening to this man try to paint his father as some upstanding, honest man will push him to his breaking point. Eventually, after what felt like hours, his father is asked to step down. 

His leg shakes anxiously, knowing Fuyumi, or Natsuo will be called to the witness stand next. His sister is called up, and Shouto watches her slowly make her way up to the front of the courtroom. 

“Miss Todoroki, can you tell us about your relationship with your father?” Their lawyer asks, and she nods. 

“Growing up, I always wanted to see the best in our father, and tried to understand the choices he made, but when Shouto came home, that all changed. I'm truly afraid of what he is capable of.”

Yaoyorozu nods, before asking another question. 

“So, do you feel that it would be detrimental to your brother’s well-being to place him in your father's house?”

“Absolutely.”

“No further questions, your honor.” Their lawyer says to the judge before returning to sit with Shouto and Touya. Their father's lawyer gets to his feet to begin the cross-examination. 

It's brutal, as his lawyer uses every trick to try to discredit his sister. It's exhausting to listen too, and it feels like every question and accusation is taking time off his life. Eventually, Fuyumi is dismissed, and Natsuo is called up. 

It goes relatively the same. Natsuo explains how the time spent with their father hurt not only Shouto but the rest of them, the strain it put on their relationships, and how they're still struggling to overcome that brief time in their lives. This is of course followed by a brutal, and unforgiving cross-examination. When Natsuo is dismissed, Shouto’s fingers involuntarily dig into his thighs at the realization that he's going to be called up next, to give his final say in where he wants to stay. However, the name that's called next surprises not only him, but Touya as well. 

“The defense would like to call Takami Keigo to the stand.” He watches Touya's head whip around as his boyfriend makes his way to the front of the room, before being sworn in at the witness stand. 

“Mister Takami, can you tell me about your relationship with Todoroki Touya?” The blond smiles. 

“Yeah, we've been seeing each other for about a year. I'd been trying to take him out for four, though. When he first started at the garage, he was so strung out about his younger siblings. Always told me he couldn't afford to focus on anything but them. Flat out refused to even hang out and talk once his shift was over, which I get, of course. He loves his siblings more than anything, and I've always admired that about him.” Shouto looks at his brother, whose jaw is clenched shut as he glances up towards the ceiling, trying not to cry. 

“So despite your advances, your partner blatantly avoided starting anything with you until a year ago, at which point he only had one minor living with him, who was 15 at the time?”

“Yes, that's correct.” The lawyer nods, before asking another question. 

“Do you think Touya would ever choose you over Shouto, or his other siblings?” Keigo smiles. 

“Never, not a chance. He's canceled plans with me just cause one of them had a bad day, or was sick. He'd do anything for any of them, hell, he already has. This whole custody battle is a cruel mockery of everything he's done for his siblings.” He says, as their father’s lawyer stands up. 

“Objection! Relevance.”

“Sustained. Mr. Takami, please answer the question without your opinion on the custody battle.” Keigo rolls his eyes, before answering. 

“Touya would never ever choose me before his siblings. He loves them more than anything else.”

-

Touya stands over the bathroom sink after the judge called for a recess. He hadn't expected Keigo to be here, let alone to be called as a witness. Tears roll down his cheeks, splashing off the marble countertops, as he tries to control his sobs. His head tips forward as he tries to slow his breathing to avoid a panic attack. He hears the sound of the door opening, and he looks up quickly to see Keigo walking in. 

“Oh my God, I've looked all over for you.” He says as he walks up to Touya, pressing a hand to each side of his face. 

“I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I didn't want you to try to talk me out of it. If anyone knows how much you've done for them, it's me.” Keigo says, speaking faster than Touya can almost keep up with, as he smiles tearfully at the shorter man. 

“You're fine, you're fine. I understand.” He says, leaning down, and pressing his forehead to Keigo’s.

“I love you. I love you so much.” He whispers, pressing his lips to Keigo’s. It's clumsy, and wet, and a little gross, but it's good, and tender. He wishes they could both just stay far away from this whole mess, but he pulls away when he remembers Shouto’s waiting for him. 

“Thank you for everything you said. Will you be out there watching then?” Touya asks, as Keigo nods. 

“Absolutely. What's left?” He questions. 

“They're gonna question Shouto about where he wants to live, and then the jury will deliberate.” Touya explains, as he and Keigo step out hand in hand to reenter the courtroom. Touya gives his boyfriend’s hand one final squeeze before returning to the defense with Shouto. 

“You good?” Shouto asks, and Touya nods. 

“Are you?” His brother nods as well, before sighing. 

“Nervous.” He answers, and Touya reaches out to give his hand a reassuring squeeze. 

“You've got this, just tell the truth.” 

“Todoroki Shouto to the witness stand.”

Touya watches him stand on shaking legs, as he walks up to the front of the room. 

“Shouto, can you tell us why you prefer to live with your brother, over your father?” The lawyer questions. 

“Touya has never put anyone or anything above me or our siblings’ well being. He's always gone above and beyond to make sure that we were taken care of, which is something that I cannot say for my father. Todoroki Enji has done nothing, but hurt and manipulate me, and as I said a month ago, I would not make it out alive if I was placed back in his custody.” 

-

Shouto steps down from the witness stand as the jury is dismissed to deliberate. 

“See, easy peasy.” Touya says, squeezing his shoulder. Shouto smiles, and pulls his phone from his pocket. 

“I'm gonna go call Katsuki.” Shouto says as Touya smirks. 

“Yeah, alright, don't go far, they're gonna need you back here to make their final say.” Shouto nods, as he steps out of the courtroom, to try to find some place for a private call. He feels so sick, and he really needs a distraction right now. He presses his phone to his ear, and it rings, and rings, until he hears the soft hum of Katsuki answering the call. 

“Hey, are you done?” Katsuki asks, and Shouto feels some of the tension in his body slip away at the sound of his voice. 

“Not yet, the jury is deliberating right now. We've gotta just hang out till they're done, and decide my fate.”

“That sounds unpleasant.” Katsuki responds, and Shouto laughs. 

“Tell me about it. Did I miss much at school?” Katsuki hums as he thinks. 

“Kaminari had to go to the school nurse to have a jelly bean removed from his nose, oh and Deku’s moping because Rody had to go home.” Shouto takes a moment to comprehend this information, both entertained by Kaminari, and sad for Midoriya. 

“How did he even manage that?”

“Said it was an experiment to see how far your nostrils could shoot things. Didn't account for it melting and gumming up his sinuses.” Katsuki explains, as Shouto covers his mouth, giggling. 

“That's very unfortunate, but also incredibly funny.” Shouto says, as his father slips to the back of his mind. 

“The bright green boogers were the most unfortunate part.” Katsuki says, catching Shouto off guard and making him laugh harder. When he calms down and catches his breath, Katsuki speaks again. 

“If you're feeling up to it, depending on what the jury decides, would you want to see a movie tonight?” Shouto’s eyes widened at the question, both excited and nervous. 

“Um, yes. Probably. Touya gave me some money today so I can pay for myself too.” He hears Katsuki scoff on the other end of the line. 

“I've got snacks, Halfie. If you wanna cover your ticket, I won't stop you.” He grumbles and it makes him laugh. 

“Well, thank you. I won't fight it this time. Thanks for talking with me, I should probably get back”

“Yeah, I just got to the hospital, so good timing. I'll hopefully see you tonight then?”

“Yeah, either way I'll probably want to see you- if you want to see me, of course. Just maybe not a movie.” Katsuki laughs. 

“Baby, we can lay in a parking lot and stare at the clouds for all I care.” He says, and it makes Shouto’s heart flip inside his chest. 

“Yeah, I couldn't agree more.”

The call ends moments later, before Shouto steps into the lobby of the courthouse to find Touya. 

“All better now that you talked to your boyfriend?” He teases, as Shouto elbows him in the ribs. 

“Do you think this'll be over soon?” He asks, leaning against Touya, who sighs. 

“Hopefully. I'd like to go home.” His brother says wearily, and Shouto nods in agreement. 

“Is it alright if I go see Katsuki tonight?” Touya raises an eyebrow, and Shouto can hear him thinking. ‘Are you sure you'll be okay if things don't go our way?’ He doesn't say it though, which is a relief. 

“Yeah, whatever you need to do.” Touya says, nodding. 

The silence is heavy as they wait. Natsuo, and Fuyumi end up leaving after waiting a half hour, which leaves them and Keigo waiting around. 

“What's taking so long?” Shouto groans, throwing his head back. 

“Gotta take their time to make the 'right choice’.” Keigo mutters, making air quotes, Shouto smirks despite himself. 

“It's really not that difficult.” He mutters, and it's at that moment they're called back into the courtroom. 

Shouto’s heart jumps into his throat as he follows his brother back into the courtroom. He stands opposite his father and his team, like they had been throughout the hearing. Shouto looks up at the jury, where someone stands at the front of the crowd with a paper in their hands. 

“Has the jury come to a decision?” The judge asks. 

“We have your honor. After much deliberation, mostly based on Todoroki Shouto’s own desires, we have decided it would be best that he continue living with his siblings.” 

Shouto feels tears prick at his eyes, and he presses his palm over his mouth. He really never thought that he'd be taken from Touya again, but part of him was still scared. He feels his brother's hands on his shoulders, as he turns around and hugs him, tear soaking into his shoulder. The bang of a gavel brings Shouto’s attention back to the room. 

“Todoroki Shouto shall continue living with Todoroki Touya at this time. Todoroki Enji may reach out for visits, or outings.” 

Shouto involuntarily digs his nails into his brother's back at the judge's words. He glances across the room and sees his father smirking at him. The look sucks the air from his lungs, making him feel helpless. He hides in Touya's neck, avoiding the way his father’s eyes make him burn.

-

Katsuki sits in his living room, and scrolls through the movie options on his phone, when he gets a text from Shouto.

Shouto: What movie did you want to see again? I don’t remember if we agreed on something.

Me: Horror movie good with you? 

Katsuki responds quickly, looking at show times. 

Shouto: Sure, sounds good. When should I be ready? 

He can’t help but smile, getting excited by his messages. Shouto lives closer to town, so Katsuki will walk to meet him at his apartment before they walk down to the movie theater together.

Me: There's a showing in an hour. I can be at your place in about 20 minutes if that's enough time?

Shouto: See you then. 😊

The stupid little smiley face makes butterflies erupt inside him, as he thinks about the movie he chose, and Shouto holding onto him during the scary parts. He grins as he gets off the couch, and goes to let his parents know he’s leaving. 

“Hey, I’m heading out, I’ll be home in a few hours.” He says, peeking his head in the kitchen at his parents.

“Be safe, don’t go getting yourself in trouble.” His mom says, a knowing look in her eye. He sneers at her before walking away, and out the front door.

-

Shouto looks at himself in the mirror, clothes hanging off his lithe frame. He makes a face at his reflection, becoming uncomfortable with the obvious weight loss. He sighs, scrubbing at his face before checking the time, and seeing he has about five minutes until Katsuki will be here. He steps out of the bedroom, and finds Fuyumi and Natsuo playing a board game in the living room.

“Hey, I’m going out, I’ll be back in a few hours.” He explains, and his brother lets out a whistle.

“Where’re you going all fancy?” He asks, teasingly. Shouto feels his cheeks redden, as Fuyumi opens her mouth.

“He’s got a date with Bakugou. You know the volunteer from the hospital.” She explains teasingly, and Natsuo starts to comment, before Shouto interrupts.

“Never mind, Touya was right to hide Keigo from us. Goodbye!” He says, stepping out into the hallway, and quickly shutting the door behind him. When he gets to the lobby, he finds Katsuki with his phone pulled out, most likely ready to text him.

“Hi.” Shouto says, and Katsuki's head flies up from his phone, as he smiles at him.

“Hi. You look good.” He says, and Shouto doesn’t miss the way his throat visibly tightens as he swallows.

“Thank you. So do you.” Shouto says, leaning in and kissing him on the cheek. He hears the older boy suck in a breath as he giggles to himself.`

“Ready?” Shouto asks, and Katsuki nods.

“Absolutely.” He says, taking Shouto’s hand as they step out into the evening air.

The walk is quiet between them, hand in hand. The summer air is beginning to cool down for the start of Autumn, giving Shouto an excuse to be closer to Katsuki. 

“So did the rest of the hearing go okay?” Katsuki asks, and that’s when Shouto realizes he’d never told him anything else. He shrugs before answering.

“Yes and no. I get to stay with Touya, but my dad’s allowed to try to reach out and make plans.” Shouto explains as Katsuki nods.

“Have you even seen each other outside of court, and him showing up at the festival in the last five years?” He asks, and Shouto shakes his head.

“Nope.”

“Well, he probably won’t even bother then, right?”

Shouto gets quiet, thinking on the question for a moment, before shrugging.

“I never thought he’d try to get custody again either.” He admits, and Katsuki sighs, as they walk up to the theater, opening the door for Shouto.

“Well, fair enough.” He mutters, as Shouto hands him some cash.

“Here, this should cover my ticket.” He says, and Katsuki takes it begrudgingly. They walk up together as Katsuki buys their tickets, some popcorn, and candy. Shouto doesn’t comment on the food as Katsuki hands him a ticket, and they make their way towards their movie. They end up taking up a corner near the back, Katsuki against the wall, with Shouto right next to him. The theater stays fairly empty with it being a Monday night, only a few other people scattered throughout.

The lights go down for the previews to start, and Shouto snuggles up against Katsuki. He takes a deep breath, feeling comfortable as he listens to Katsuki snack on the popcorn. From the corner of his eye, he sees the bag being tipped towards him, and he just shakes his head. After today, the thought of eating anything sounds miserable. Despite the way he felt just a little while ago, looking at himself in the mirror doesn't ease the nausea.

The movie starts, and Shouto watches while he can, but his mind doesn’t stop replaying moments from court. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he can see the way his father smiled at him. Like even though it didn’t even end in his favor, he still looked like he’d won. He glances at Katsuki, who’s got his full attention on the movie. He nudges him a little, and gets a quiet hum in return.

“I wanna kiss you.” Katsuki turns to look at him, eyebrows raised, slightly surprised, before he leans in and presses his lips to Shouto’s. He can feel some of his anxiety literally melt away as he kisses his boyfriend, tasting the saltiness from the popcorn on his lips. 

The word boyfriend swirls inside his mind . It’s funny, because if you had told Shouto about two months ago that he’d be dating Bakugou Katsuki, he probably would’ve laughed at you. He never thought they’d even really be friends, let alone dating. Suddenly, before he's ready, Katsuki pulls away and turns his attention back to the movie. Shouto huffs to himself, as he leans his head against Katsuki’s shoulder and tries to watch the movie.

He’d missed a lot, getting lost in his own thoughts, and Katsuki’s mouth. He watched as the characters in the movie were tormented by some unseen force, as he sat unfazed by the chaos. He taps his fingers against his own thigh, as his mind wanders back to today, bringing up thoughts of his dad again. 

He really hopes that Katsuki’s right, because he can’t handle doing this for the rest of his life, or even just the next two years. His father rearing his ugly head whenever and wherever he wants. He looks at Katsuki again, as he tosses more popcorn in his mouth. Shouto pouts, as he presses a single hand to Katsuki’s left cheek, and turns his head to make him face him. His cheeks puff out slightly, and Shouto has to try not to laugh at the sight.

“I want to kiss you.” He says again, as Katsuki’s cheeks get pinker. It’s cute. Shouto doesn’t waste any time, and leans in, pressing their lips together. He sighs, feeling more free and in control than he has in a while. It’s nice to be this close, and feel this safe with someone. Before he can think about it, Shouto opens his mouth. He feels, and hears Katsuki gasp, as his mouth opens as well. Tongues slide across tongues, as their teeth clack together. He feels Katsuki smile against his mouth, and it makes him smile as well. 

The other boy brings a hand up to caress his cheek, thumb brushing against his hair, pushing it back behind his ear. Shouto melts into the touch, as their lips separate again. He’s never felt like this before, never wanted to be close to someone like this. Their eyes meet, and Katsuki’s pupils are dark, a sliver of red surrounding them.

“You’re so fucking pretty.” He mumbles, dragging a thumb down Shouto’s cheek. He smiles as he glances down between them. Katsuki brings a hand below his chin, and tilts his head back up as he kisses Shouto again. The action takes his breath away, as he leans back into the kiss. It’s soft, and warm, and perfect. He loses himself in the gentle touches, and the warm lips pressed against his, before he’s suddenly aware that the movie has ended. He pulls away quickly to see credit scrolling across the screen, as the lights come on.

With the lights on, Shouto can see just how red faced Katsuki is after their little session. He smiles, feeling heat in his own cheeks as well.

“Sorry you missed most of the movie.” He whispers, and Katsuki grins with a soft chuckle.

“S’fine. I had more fun not watching.” They leave the theater, and end up sitting down in the lobby together. Katsuki still has the candy he bought, which he is continuing to try to convince Shouto to eat. Despite feeling more at ease, he can’t shake the discomfort sitting inside him, and the thought of eating makes it worse.

Suddenly, Katsuki is shaking the small box of candy at him.

“C’mon, I got these because I know they’re your favorite.” Shouto feels his eye twitch in annoyance, as he sighs at the pushiness.

“Can we talk about something?” Shouto asks, looking around. Katsuki’s eyes go wide as he nods, the teasing smile slipping from his face. The lobby is fairly empty, so Shouto takes a deep breath before speaking.

“When I was sent to live with my father, I developed an eating disorder. It manifests during times of high stress, and I end up throwing up- a lot. I know I look… bad. I’m trying to deal with it, but unfortunately now is and has been a very stressful time. I was in recovery for a while, at least a couple years, but then this whole court thing happened, and the school festival, there was really no hope for me to not relapse. Pushing me to eat only makes it worse, my brain can barely tell the difference between anxiety, and nausea. I know it’s probably hard to watch, but please know that I am trying.”

Shouto watches as various emotions are cast over Katsuki’s face, before he nods slowly.

“I knew-” Katsuki pauses and takes a breath. “I knew something was wrong, I- I’ll try not to push. I’m sorry.” He says, and Shouto can see the guilt in his eyes, as he shakes his head.

“It’s okay, I understand.” Shouto says, reaching across the table, and squeezing Katsuki’s hand. “I know you’re just worried. You can give them to me, and I’ll have them when I’m feeling like it, alright? Does that sound good?”

“You sure?” Katsuki asks, still looking at him with concern. “You don’t have to do that.”

“Yeah, I’m sure.” Shouto nods with a soft smile. “You weren’t wrong, they are my favorite. I just don’t want to eat them right now.”

He feels like he can at least do this for him, just a small compromise.

“Yeah, alright, we’ll do it like this, then.”

“Okay, good.”

Chapter 15: And Spikes Grow From Your Skin

Summary:

Hello!! Not much to say about this chapter, but please enjoy!! Comments and kudos are always appreciated <3
You can check us out on twitter if you'd like!
Me
Gold

Chapter Text

“Tell me again about how it hurts
Being awfully loud for an introvert
Get out of my room, smile wiped clean
Isn't it weird to be so mean?
I'm guessing that I've grown horns
I guess I'm human no more
I can tell I've rotted in your brain
Oh, how easily passion twists
You think I'm a crazy bitch
I craft my words to fit your head
'Cause no one listens to the dead
So maybe I will talk to you
The only way I know how to.”

Monster - dodie

 

Katsuki packs up his bag to head out after putting some final touches on his and Hatsume’s work.

“So I was right after all?” She says with a wide grin, and Katsuki rolls his eyes.

“Fuck off, goggles.” He says, his lips spreading in a small smile, as he thinks about Shouto.

“In love with the sculptor boy!” She says, a teasing lilt to her voice.

“I said fuck off!” Katsuki barks, attempting to glare at her, but he knows it doesn’t have its usual anger behind it. She just giggles, as she throws her backpack over her shoulder, and walks towards the door. He does the same, adjusting his bag before he turns around to see Shouto waiting at the door like he did all last week. They greet each other with a kiss before walking towards the exit of the school.

“Did you want to come to the hospital with me, and visit your mom?” Katsuki asks, as they walk hand in hand. He can feel the way Shouto tenses up.

“Uh, so, not that I don’t want to, but I don’t really visit my mom alone. It’s still really hard for me to see her without anyone else around. We’ve only been alone together once since…” Shouto trails off, as he gestures to the left side of his face. “And I had a panic attack, so I usually just go with my siblings. I’d go with you though when you visit her, if you like.” Katsuki nods.

“I’m sorry, but yeah, that sounds good. I’ll just walk you home then?” He asks, and Shouto smiles, nodding as well. It’s quiet for a little bit, and Katsuki is busy trying not to work himself into a nervous fit thinking about inviting Shouto to an upcoming festival.

“So, uh, have you ever been to the Atami fireworks festival?” Katsuki asks, and Shouto glances at him curiously.

“Not since I was little, why?” He answers.

“Well, I was just thinking that if you’d like to, we could go together.” He offers, kicking a rock down the sidewalk as Shouto nods thoughtfully.

“I don’t really have anything to wear.” He says, sounding embarrassed. “I haven’t had a need for traditional clothes since I was a kid, I think the last time I wore any was when my dad got me a couple of pieces to drag me around for publicity.” Katsuki rolls his eyes.

“Is your father just evil?” Shouto snorts as that.

“Yes, you’ve got no idea.” He answers, shaking his head.

“Well, if you’d like to go with me, I know I’ve got a few traditional outfits, and you can definitely borrow one.” Katsuki says, as he watches Shouto’s face darken, as he nods.

“Oh, yeah, if you're sure?” He says, sounding almost nervous, and Katsuki squeezes his hand.

“Course I’m sure. Hell, my mom might even make you something when I tell her.” He mutters.

“Oh my God, no, we just started dating, she can’t do that.” Shouto says, stopping in his tracks, looking almost afraid.

“Calm down. Unfortunately no one, especially not me, can stop her from doing whatever she wants. She’s a pain in my ass, to be perfectly honest. I will let her know you’re comfortable wearing something of mine, but I can’t promise she’ll listen.” Shouto just sighs, nodding his head as they continue walking, getting close to his apartment.

-

Shouto gets home, and lets the door slam behind him as he leans against it, distressed. He closes his eyes, taking a deep breath as he hears someone else walking through the apartment. When he opens his eyes, he sees Touya looking at him, a popsicle hanging out of his mouth.

“Thought I heard you come home. What’re you slamming doors for?” He asks, with a raised eyebrow. Shouto smiles at his brother, as he shakes his head.

“Katsuki invited me to the fireworks festival.” He says, feeling a warmth spread across his chest. Touya grins, and shakes his head.

“Hmm, maybe we’ll all have to go.” He says, walking past Shouto into the kitchen as his face drops.

“Oh, no, I don’t think that’ll be necessary.” He says. “None of you have traditional wear.” He points out.

“That’s okay, we can get some. I’m sure Keigo would like to go as well.”

No, he’d probably hate it, actually.” Shouto says, as Touya turns around with a shit eating grin.

“Can’t let my baby brother run around unsupervised!” He says, patting his head, and Shouto thinks he might spontaneously combust.

-

“How's it goin’, Mirko?” Katsuki asks, taking the clipboard from her hand. She hums as she taps away at her computer. 

“Same old, same old.” She says with a shrug. “Hey, do you know anything about Himura’s daughter?” She asks, looking up. Katsuki grins as he hands the clipboard back. 

“Hm, why?” He asks with a smirk, and she rolls her eyes at his tone. 

“Don't be a brat, just go visit Tenko, you little shit.” Katsuki barks out a laugh, as he waves bye and makes his way to the children's ward. 

He walks into the art room, and finds Tenko drawing, but it's different this time, he peers over his shoulder and sees him drawing… A dog? 

“How's it going, kid?” Katsuki asks, making Tenko jump. 

“Do you have to be so loud?” He snaps, flipping his paper over. Katsuki snorts, before opening his backpack and throwing a new snack at him. 

“Here, got you these. Sorry for scaring you.” Katsuki says, and Tenko sticks his tongue out. 

“Whatever, you didn't scare me, just annoyed me.” He says, opening the bag of crackers, as he starts sketching a hand. Katsuki raises an eyebrow curiously as he watches. 

“I saw you drawing that dog, you didn't have to stop.” 

“Mind your own business.” Tenko grumbles and Katsuki smirks at the attitude. He grabs a piece of paper from the stack, and starts doodling as well when he hears a familiar voice. He looks up, and sees a man with long black hair, walking a young girl with silver hair and bright red eyes towards them. He doesn't recognize him immediately, in casual clothes, but he does recognize Eri. 

“Mr. Aizawa?!” Katsuki says, caught off guard. 

“Hello, Bakugou, what are you doing here?” Katsuki blinks a couple of times, before responding. 

“Uh, I volunteer and visit Tenko about once a month.” He explains, and his teacher nods. He watches as Tenko gets out of the chair he'd been in and he and Eri walk out of the art room. He's slightly taken aback by the way Tenko just walked away from his art, something he has never seen him do. 

“Why uh, why are you guys here?” Katsuki asks, still processing the last few minutes. 

“Well, Eri and Tenko were in a group home together for a bit. It was a-” Aizawa pauses before sighing. 

“It wasn't a very good place. Eri probably would've ended up here as well if we hadn't started fostering her.” Katsuki eyebrows raise in surprise. 

“Seriously? He's not just here because of the fire?” He asks, and Aizawa nods. 

“Ah, you know about the fire. No, if he had been placed with the right people, he wouldn't be here at all.” Katsuki just nods as he watches Tenko and Eri play together. It's the most he's ever seen Tenko smile, and it hurts. 

“How the hell can people hurt kids?” Katsuki asks, words coming out before he can even think about it. Watching them play makes him think about Shouto, and his stomach twists in some combination of disgust and rage. His teacher shakes his head, and sighs. 

“That's a good question. I wish I had an answer.” They watch the kids in silence before Aizawa looks at him. 

“Hey, are you the volunteer that brought him ice cream?” He asks, eyes narrowed. Katsuki can't help but smile as he nods his confirmation. 

“Yeah, that was me.” Aizawa nods, scratching his chin. 

“He's been different since then, you know? A little less obsessive maybe, except he's completely enamored with you now. Just been talking about the nice volunteer who came back even after he had a meltdown in front of you.” Katsuki opens his mouth to respond as the words stick like syrup in his throat. 

“Oh.” He says, and it comes out a little weak, as tears sit at the edge of his water line. He's not sure where the sudden wave of emotion came from, maybe the fact that Tenko thought he'd just stop coming back, that he's obviously been abandoned enough times that he just knows reacting like that will push people away. He remembers feeling that way when he was little. 

“You good, kid?” Aizawa asks, a comforting hand on his shoulder, and Katsuki nods, bringing a sleeve up to wipe his eyes. 

“‘M fuckin fine, old man. Fuck off.” He mutters, shrugging his hand off his shoulder, and Aizawa laughs. 

“Well, I can at least see why he likes you.”

When Katsuki leaves the hospital that night, the first thing he does is call Shouto. 

“Hello?” He hears the other boy answer. He can hear other voices in the background along with what sounds like running water. 

“Hey.” He responds. “Sorry, you busy?” Shouto hums. 

“No, just washing dishes. Is everything okay?” He asks, and Katsuki sniffles, still feeling emotional from the afternoon. 

“Yeah. M’alright, just kinda had a weird day, and I missed you.” Katsuki says, and he can almost hear Shouto smiling on the other end of their call. 

“I missed you too. You're not going to believe what Touya said to me today.” Shouto mutters, and Katsuki can't help but laugh. 

“Mmm, surprise me.” He says, as his boyfriend launches into a story of Touya harassing him after Katsuki had dropped him off at home, and his threats to chaperone their date. 

“Ya know what, let him come, bring his silly boyfriend and I'll show them how great I am.” He can hear Shouto laugh and it's a delightful sound that fills him with joy. 

“Babe, as much as I wholeheartedly agree with how great you are, this is more about me avoiding the mortification of going on a date with my family .”

Katsuki can't help but laugh at the explanation, feeling more at ease listening to his boyfriend's voice. They don't stay on the call much longer, and he manages to end the call before he gets home, not wanting to be heckled by his mom. 

He steps inside the house, and he can hear her in the kitchen. 

“‘M home!”

His mom walks into the living room, and ruffles his hair.

“Hey, brat, how are you?” She asks, as he slaps her hand away.

“Would you quit that?!” He shouts, grinning despite the annoying action. She just laughs as she pulls her hands back.

“Yeah, yeah. How was volunteering?” She questions, and he shrugs.

“S’fine. A little weird.” He says, before going on to tell his mom more about Tenko. It’s hard to talk, or think about, but hopefully if he talks about it’ll stop sitting so heavily in the center of his chest.

When he looks up at his mom’s face, she looks like she might cry, and that makes him roll his eyes.

“Moooooom, it’s fine.” He says, and she smiles as she wipes her eyes, surprising him as she pulls him in for a hug.

“I’m just glad we did something right.” She whispers, and his mouth drops open in surprise. Neither of them speak for a little bit until Katsuki removes himself from the hug, remembering what he asked Shouto this afternoon.

“Oh, I’m taking Shouto to the fireworks festival next month. He’s gonna borrow a yukata from me.” She looks at him curiously.

“He doesn’t have his own?” She asks, and for a moment Katsuki goes to snap at her, but he realizes the question isn’t coming from a place of judgment, she’s just genuinely surprised.

“Money’s pretty tight for them, and his siblings work all the time, so he hasn’t really needed one since he lived with his dad.”

She nods, and he sees a shift in her eyes, and immediately knows what that means.

“He already told me he doesn’t want you to make him his own!” Katsuki snaps, and she laughs.

“Hm, well that’s unfortunate, because he deserves his own, not just some hand me down.”

“What?! One of the ones you made me isn’t good enough?!” He argues.

“Good enough for you, and good enough for him are two different things, honey. Your father and I will start working on it tomorrow.” Katsuki sneers at her.

“Fine, but when he cries about it, you get to handle it!” He shouts before stomping off to his room.

-

Monday wasn’t bad, but Katsuki didn’t expect the entire week to go downhill from there. Here he is, Friday morning trying to fix his and Hatsume’s robot, after he ended up blowing half of it up on Tuesday. He throws down the soldering iron to the ground after 10 minutes of fighting with his materials to just stay where he needs them to.

“Maybe you should take a break.” Hatsume suggests.

“Maybe you should bite me, you fucking freak.” He barks, before standing up from his chair, and stomping off towards the cafeteria. He's already fifteen minutes late to lunch, but he’s hoping that means most of their table will either be gone, or at least leaving soon. He chances a glance in that direction when he enters the cafeteria, and ends up making eye contact with Shouto. 

His boyfriend smiles at him, and it somehow makes Katsuki angrier. Not with Shouto, of course not, just at himself for being such a miserable piece of shit. He takes a deep breath as he steps into line, and starts to get his lunch. He just goes through the motions, but just as he gets to the end of the line to pay, he trips, and loses half of his tray across the floor. He stares at the ground, and the pile of food, before he gently sets his tray down. He can feel the anger right below the surface, as he squats down to start cleaning up his mess. Suddenly he sees a pair of shoes, and he looks up to see Shouto standing over him.

“You need some help?” He asks, and the offer makes him want to scream.

“‘M fine, go away.” He says, short and bitter, hoping it gets the message across. Shouto doesn’t say anything else, before turning, and doing what Katsuki had said. It doesn’t make him feel any better, quite the opposite, actually, as he finishes cleaning up the last of the mess. He goes back through, and fills his tray again, before quickly paying. He finds his seat at the lunch table, relieved that it is in fact, emptier than usual.

Things quiet down as he sits down, and it puts him on edge, but he doesn't comment, just eats his food. 

“Did you get your robot fixed, Kacchan?” His eye twitches at the question.

“No, Deku.” He mutters, as he takes a bite of his food. It gets quiet again, and he’s relieved because he really can’t listen to any incessant mumbling. The questions start back up though, and Katsuki tries to breathe, and just ignore him, not fully listening to the questions.

“But Kacchan, have you tried…”

“Or maybe this could work-” 

He tightens the grip on his chopsticks as he takes another bite, but the questions don’t stop, and the buzz of voices around the cafeteria are too much .

“Oh my God, shut up!” Katsuki shouts, slamming his hand on the table. “Have you tried just minding your own fucking business, shitty useless Deku?!” Suddenly the weight of what he’d said crashes against him, and without considering anything he gets to his feet, and dumps his lunch. He doesn’t waste a second leaving the cafeteria. He doesn't even know where he should go, but he just knows he can’t be here right now.

-

Shouto stares with his jaw dropped as he watches Katsuki run out of the cafeteria, before he turns back to Izuku. His friend seems surprised, but not too affected otherwise.

“Are you okay?” He asks, and Midoriya nods.

“Yeah, he didn’t mean that. I should’ve realized he was having a bad day.” He says with a shrug. “He hasn’t snapped like that in a long time.”

“Should I go after him?” Shouto asks, and Midoriya nods.

“I would if I were you. He might actually talk to you.” Shouto nods, as he gets to his feet. He takes care of his tray, and sets off to find Katsuki. He unfortunately isn’t exactly sure where to look, but luckily backtracking through the science wing led him to him pretty quickly. He finds him alone in his lab, working on his robot.

“Hey.” He says, as Katsuki’s head flies up.

“What do you want?” He snaps, and it takes Shouto back a little bit, this isn’t the typical anger he sees.

“I just want to be here for you. You seem like you’re having a hard time.” He doesn’t miss the way Katsuki rolls his eyes as he puts his bot away.

“Yeah, I am so just fuck off alright? If I wanted to fucking talk to you, I would’ve.”

Shouto’s surprise must show on his face, because Katsuki just seems to get angrier.

“This is just the way I am, alright?! I’m angry, and mean, and you better just get used to it.” He says, before he shoves passed him, and disappears around the corner. Shouto stands in the doorway frozen, blinking as he processes. After a moment the bell rings, ending lunch, so Shouto sighs, and heads back to the art wing.

The school day is over before he knows it. He doesn’t hear from Katsuki, but he waits around for a bit just wondering if he’ll want to walk home together. After 15 minutes by the entrance though he assumes the answer, and for the first time in a while, he walks home alone. He wracks his mind for any way he can help, anything he could possibly do to help Katsuki understand that he sees him as far more than his reactions.

About five minutes from his apartment it hits him, and he runs up the walkway, followed by him taking the stairs two at a time. He reaches their apartment, and flies through the door.

“Touya, can I please borrow ¥ 400?” He asks as he runs to their room. His brother's eyes widen slightly.

“The hell do you need ¥400 for?” He asks, amusement and confusion on his face.

“Katsuki had a bad day, and I wanted to take him out to do something! Please?” He asks with a pout.

“Oh my God, get that kicked puppy look off your face. Yeah, I’ll send you the money, chill.”

“Thank you!” Shouto says, running to his dresser to find a change of clothes.

Once he gets himself dressed, he calls Katsuki. The other boy picks up on the first ring.

“Hey, Shou, about today-”

“Are you busy?” Shouto asks, interrupting him. The boy sputters on the other end before responding.

“What do you mean?” Katsuki spits, and Shouto smiles softly to himself.

“I wanna see you.” He says, and he can almost picture Katsuki’s dumbfounded face.

“Whatever, what are we doing?” He asks.

“Don’t worry about that. I’m walking to your place now.” Shouto says, and when Katsuki starts to argue, he hangs up.

“I’ll be back!” Shouto hollers into the apartment as he walks out the door.

-

Katsuki glares at his phone, as he jumps out of bed, and puts on some clothes. He steps out of his room, and finds his parents in the living room.

“Hey, I’m going out.” He mutters.

“With who?” His mom asks, and he rolls his eyes.

“Shouto. I’ll be back!” He barks, as he slips his shoes on.

“You’re grumpy today. Make sure you’re being nice to him.” She says, gentler than she normally would. He sighs, and scrubs at his face.

“Yeah. I fucking know, alright?” He mumbles to himself, quiet enough they probably don’t hear. “See ya!” He shouts before stepping out the door.

He doesn’t walk long before he sees Shouto, the guilt gnawing at him. He seems happy to see him, and that almost makes it worse. He deserves for Shouto to be mad at him, maybe break up with him even.

“Hi.” Shouto says, before leaning down slightly to kiss him. The height difference pisses him off too, but he can’t really do anything about that one. 

“Hi. What the hell did you drag me out of my house for?” Shouto shrugs.

“C’mon, you’ll see.” He says, taking Katsuki’s hand. He wants to snatch it away, and snap at Shouto that he’s not in the mood for secret games right now. He follows silently though, and the quiet stays with them into town. They pass Shouto’s apartment again, which gives Katsuki an excuse to complain.

“Why the hell did you start walking to my place when you’d be back tracking anyways?!” He questions.

“Because if I told you, you had to come meet me, you might’ve backed out.” Shouto explains plainly.

“Fuck off.”

Within ten minutes, they’re in front of a familiar building, and Katsuki looks at Shouto with a raised brow.

“The hell are we doing back here? Didn’t you hate it?!” Shouto turns and looks at him like he grew another head.

“Because I cried, you thought I hated it?” He questions, and Katsuki returns the look.

“Yes?!”

“Well. You were wrong.” Shouto says, dragging him through the door. He gets a sense of déjà vu as he watches his boyfriend go to the desk, and gets the forms for them to fill out.

“Here.” Shouto says, passing him one, as Katsuki snatches it up. He looks up right after he starts.

“Shouto, I didn’t bring any money.” He says, as his heart drops, but Shouto just smiles.

“Touya gave me some extra money. I probably won’t have anything for a bit, but I wanted to do this for you.” He answers, and Katsuki feels tears well up in his eyes, as he rubs at them as inconspicuously as possible.

“I was such an asshole today, why are you being so nice to me?!” Katsuki asks, annoyed. Shouto shrugs without looking up.

“You seem like you’re dealing with a lot, and even if you don’t want to talk about what’s actually going on, I want to be here for you.” Katsuki stays quiet after that, and finishes filling out his form, passing it off to Shouto who takes it with him to pay. Shouto comes back a few minutes later with their protective gear. Katsuki quickly throws his gear on, and they make their way towards the room.

He looks around, and the first thing he does is grab a sledgehammer. He pauses, taking a moment to observe the room, before he’s possessed with the urge to just swing wildly. He stops though, and breathes, lifting the hammer above his head, and brings it down to smash the screen of a flat screen TV. The glass shatters, and scatters across the floor. The sound makes him grin, as he lifts the hammer again, as it goes through the TV this time. 

He pulls the hammer back, letting it rest over his shoulder, as he hears the sound of Shouto smashing dishes behind him. He looks back, and can’t help but smile at his boyfriend, before he turns around himself, and starts smashing again. The hammer comes down, landing in the middle of an old mason jar as it shatters into pieces. He loses himself in the destruction, as all the awful feelings that have been sitting inside him melt out. He leans his weight on the hammer, breathing deeply, when the alarms go off. Shouto drops the bat against the wall, and Katsuki does the same with his hammer. They leave the room together, returning their gear, and walking out to start their walk home.

Katsuki sighs as he chews on his bottom lip. The anger faded some, but the guilt was still there.

“I’m really sorry about how I spoke to you today.” He says, fists clenched at his side.

“I know. It’s alright.” Shouto responds, reaching out to grab his hand.

“Yeah, but it’s not. There are some things you don’t know about me.” He says, swallowing nervously. “I’ve treated people terribly, at the end of middle school I told Deku to kill himself, like, I was just an awful person, and I don’t want to be like that anymore.” He says, as he feels the tears gathering in his eyes again.

“And then I can’t even begin to imagine all the shit you’re going through with your dad, and it makes me feel ever worse, because I’ve got everything. There's nothing for me to be so angry about, and it just makes it all feel so much worse . I’ve been trying so hard not to be so awful, but it just keeps coming back, and I don’t know how I’m ever going to be any better.” 

He finally pauses to take a breath, as they continue their walk in silence for a bit.

“I think you should try to see Midoriya this weekend, and apologize. It’ll mean more if you do it in person. He also didn’t seem bothered, I know that doesn’t make it okay, but you’re beating yourself up worse than he would. He also said himself that you hadn’t snapped like that in a while, which he’s right. I haven't seen you like that since sometime last year, so obviously you're doing something right.” Shouto says, but he doesn’t stop there.

“Also if I’ve learned one thing in therapy, it’s that nothing I’m going through negates what you’re going through. We’re both allowed to struggle, at the same time even, and holding it in makes it so much worse. It will eat at you until you let it out.”

“What’re you, a fucking psychologist?” Katsuki mutters, and Shouto laughs. The sound loosens something inside of him, and he sighs as he leans into Shouto.

“Just incredibly traumatized.” He responds, as Katsuki turns to give him a look.

“You and your fucking dark humor.” 

“It’s a therapist approved coping mechanism, thank you.” Katsuki huffs, shaking his head, as they arrive at Shouto’s apartment.

“Well, I’ll see you soon then?” Katsuki asks, and he squeezes his hand.

“Absolutely.” Shouto says, before they lean in to share a quick kiss.

Chapter 16: He’s Got Bones All Through The Backyard - Part I

Notes:

Hello, sorry for disappearing last weekend, last week was the worst week I've in a while, but we're back! As you probably noticed from the title this chapter has two parts. Part one is of course more of our plot, but part 2 is strictly flashbacks to time Shouto spent living with his father. It is completely optional and does not need to be read to understand the story, but could still be interesting, or enjoyable for some. Part one had trigger warning in the end notes, part two will not have trigger warnings because of the nature of the chapter. Take care of yourself, and enjoy! <3

The song the chapter is named after isn't on spotify, but you can find it Here!
Check us out on Twitter!
Me
Gold

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

“He's a dog
But he's dressed up like a sheep
He's got bones all through the backyard
But he likes to fool me
And I travel through the doorway
I thought I'd be fine
But it's not the way it's gonna go this time
Daddy, why don't you protect me?
Someone's gonna hurt me
There's nothing I can do.”

Winter On The Weekend - Julia Stone

 

The next couple of weeks after that day are… boring. Which isn't a bad thing after the way the last couple months have been, but this should've been a sign that things were going to take a turn for the worse. 

The school day’s almost over, and people are talking amongst themselves. They finished their first quarter project, and Aizawa gave them a free period. The crackle of the overhead speaker gets everyone's attention and the room goes quiet. 

“Todoroki Shouto to the office please.” Hatsume turns to Katsuki appearing confused, and he just shrugs, before glancing up to see their teacher busy looking over papers, so he pulls out his phone and texts Shouto. 

Me: Everything okay?

He watches the message quickly go from delivered to read with no response, which just makes him more apprehensive. He chews on his lip as he looks around the room anxiously. It's not like Shouto to not respond, even if he's busy with something, he doesn't just open a message and ignore it. His leg shakes nervously as his seat creaks with it, the sound is obnoxious, but he's too worried to really pay any attention to it. 

“Are you good?” Hatsume whispers and he sighs, before shaking his head. 

“I know it probably sounds stupid, but I texted Shouto and he opened and didn't respond, which just isn't like him.” Katsuki explains, but just as he says that, his phone buzzes in his hand. 

Shouto: No. Out front

Katsuki looks at the time, as he stuffs his bag, and within 30 seconds they're dismissed. He doesn't waste a moment sprinting through the building. He doesn't know the last time he ran like this, and when he reaches the front door of the school, his heart jumps into his throat.

Out in front of the building is Shouto, and his father. 

“Fuck!” He mutters, taking off running again. 

-

Shouto steps into the office, and his body freezes up at the sight of his father. 

“Shouto! It's so good to see you, look how handsome you are in your uniform!” His father boasts. It takes every ounce of strength in him to not run right there. 

“W-what are you doing here?” Shouto mumbles, unable to hide the fear in his voice. He can tell just by the look in his eye that his father is unimpressed, he’s never reacted kindly to him being afraid in his presence. 

“Come, let's talk outside, Shouto.” His father says, gesturing towards the door. He shakes his head, so minutely no one could probably even notice it, his father does though, as he steps closer to Shouto, which is enough to convince him to follow. They end up about 10 feet from the building when Shouto digs his heels in and refuses to move another step. 

“Why the fuck are you here?” He asks through gritted teeth, watching as disdain flashes across his father's eyes. 

“You're going to come have lunch with me, alright? I've already made reservations.” He says, not like he's confirming plans, but expecting obedience. Shouto shakes his head. 

“No, no, absolutely not. I'm not going anywhere with you.” He says, as he feels nausea sitting in the middle of his stomach. His father is about to respond, when Shouto hears the most beautiful sound.

“Hey! Shou!” He feels tears of relief flood his eyes, as he turns around to see Katsuki running towards him. He doesn't even stop to think before he wraps his arms around the older boy. 

“I'm so glad you're here.” He whispers, as Katsuki holds him close. His father clears his throat, making Shouto jump, pulling away from his boyfriend. 

“If you want me to go to lunch with you, I want Katsuki to come.” He says. He's not sure where the confidence comes from, but he's just hoping that his father will decide it's too much hassle. 

“The reservation is only for two, Shouto, just come get lunch with me, we haven't seen each other properly since you were eleven!” His father argues, and Shouto can see the thinly veiled frustration. 

“Well, enjoy your lunch with your driver, then. I'm going home.” Shouto says, and as he turns away, he hears his father speak. 

“Fine, bring your friend, I don't care.” He says with a nasty sneer. Shouto’s heart drops, shocked that he agreed. He turns to Katsuki, who just looks incredibly confused, but before Shouto can try to stammer out another argument, Katsuki grabs his arm, and follows his father towards the car. Shouto is ushered inside it first, and he's relieved when Katsuki sticks too closely to his side for his father to try to sit next to him.

The drive is tense and no one speaks. He can feel Katsuki thinking, next to him and trying to figure out what the hell is going on, meanwhile Shouto’s just trying not to get sick. Eventually they stop in front of a nicer restaurant, Shouto stares up at it in some combination of disbelief and discomfort. The driver parks and the three of them step out in front of the restaurant, following Shouto’s father inside. 

“Table for Todoroki.” He mutters to the host, who quickly grabs menus and takes them to their table. No one comments on the number of guests, but people don't usually question his father, so it's not exactly surprising. Shouto picks up a menu as his hands shake. He can feel his father's eyes boring holes in him, and he just wants to go home. 

“So you're in your second year now, huh? Never changed to focus on business then?” He asks, as Shouto’s hand tightens around the menu, Katsuki responds before he can though. 

“His art is really impressive actually. It's a shame you won't embrace that part of him.” Katsuki says, as Shouto’s heart squeezes in his chest. The boys bump knees under the table and it makes him feel more at ease than he has since being called to the office. 

“Hmm, his talent doesn't mean much if he ends up homeless with no job like his mother would have, so I don't see why anyone should be embracing it.” He mutters, an edge of disgust in his voice, as he speaks one of Katsuki’s hands slips off the table, squeezing Shouto’s knee reassuringly. Silence envelops the table as they look over the menus, every option makes Shouto’s stomach turn, he's certain he'd be unable to eat if he tried. 

“You're looking good, Shouto, I'm glad you've been able to stay in shape, despite being busy with school.” His father says, and Shouto doesn't miss the look in his eye. It makes his blood run cold, as he fights with himself not to throw up. He can feel Katsuki looking at him, probably confused, maybe even disgusted, as Shouto stares at the table cloth. 

“I think you look more like your mother everytime I see you. How is she by the way?” As those words leave his mouth, Shouto feels a very familiar, large hand grab his thigh from beneath the table. He jumps, body shaking the table as he gets to his feet. 

“I'll be right back.” He mumbles, before he takes off running to the bathroom. 

-

Nothing feels right about this, is all Katsuki can think as he slips into the backseat of Todoroki Enji’s car. He could tell that weirdo was going to try riding next to Shouto, and frankly he had no intention of letting that happen. Katsuki is very aware of just how much Shouto doesn't care for his father, which is fine, but the genuine fear he sees in Shouto’s eyes every time he's around him scares him. On top of that, being in this small, cramped space with him is even worse. It's almost like he can feel the evil radiating off of him. 

Before he knows it, the car is stopping in front of one of the nicer restaurants in town, something you’d see a lot of Japan's wealthier at. Katsuki can't help, but nervously check his phone, as a thought crosses his mind. He's not sure where it comes from, or why this seems like it'd be helpful, but he opens up his microphone on his phone and starts recording. He sets it on the table facedown, not wanting his clothes or anything to interfere. 

They haven't even ordered their food yet, and Katsuki already wants to leave. All this man has done is criticize, or berate Shouto, and he thinks he might snap. Shouto beats him to it though, when he jumps up from his seat, and Katsuki can tell from one look he's about to be sick. He barely heard him mumble about the bathroom, before he's gone in a blink. Katsuki quickly gets to his feet, sneering at the man across the table, before grabbing his phone and taking off after Shouto.

When he reaches the bathroom, he’s greeted by the sounds of Shouto gagging, and sobbing. It only takes a moment for him to find the stall, where he knocks, and leans against it. Shouto doesn't respond, instead going completely silent. 

“Hey.” He says gently, hearing Shouto sniffle. “S’just me.” 

He hears the sound of the lock being undone, and when he pushes the door open, Shouto is sitting, arms wrapped around his knees as he shakes in front of him. 

“Hey, it's gonna be alright.” Katsuki whispers while kneeling down with Shouto. The younger boy shakes his head, terrified. 

“He's gonna hurt me, already hurt me so much, I can't Katsuki. There's so much- there's so much he's done that no one knows and-” a hiccuping sob interrupts him as he presses his face into his knees. 

“Okay, whatever he did, I'm here right now. He can't hurt you when other people are around, even he's not that fucking bold.” Katsuki says, and Shouto nods slowly. 

“Can we just… Will you switch seats with me when we go back out?” He asks quietly, and he can't say the request doesn't surprise him, but he agrees quickly. 

“Yeah, whatever you need.”

-

He can't stop shaking as he stands over the sink, cupping water in his hands to try to get the awful taste out of his mouth, before they go rejoin his father for the remainder of lunch. He spits into the sink, and takes a deep breath before turning to Katsuki. 

“You ready?” He asks, and Shouto sighs. 

“As ready as I can be.” He mutters as they step out of the bathroom. Shouto can feel his father's eyes on him immediately, as he clenches his jaw tightly. They reach the table and the air is tense as they sit down, Katsuki across from his father while Shouto takes the seat next to Katsuki. He can already tell his father is angry, and a very small part of him enjoys that. 

“That was embarrassing, Shouto, I take you out somewhere nice for lunch, and you and this boy run off to hide in the bathroom? Do you have any sense of shame?” He grits his teeth, choosing not to respond as he looks over the menu. He's fairly certain he knows what he's going to order — even though he knows he won't eat — but pretending to read it at least gives him an excuse to ignore his father. 

The waitress comes by shortly after, and they all order as Katsuki mutters about how expensive the food is. It makes Shouto chuckle, because he goes out of his way to ignore prices when his father is concerned. At the very least, he can go broke as a form of retribution. 

“That reminds me, Shouto. Is there anything you need? I know with Touya being a mechanic, you probably have to go without.” His father says, opening his wallet. Shouto grits his teeth at the display. 

“We're fine, thank you. I don't want your money.” Shouto says firmly.

“Oh no, Shouto, I insist.” He says, pulling out a wad of cash, and holding it out towards him. He shakes his head, silently. These things always come with a catch, his father is never just kind or generous just to be so. 

Take it.” He says, and the tone alone makes his stomach turn as he takes the yen, wads it up in his hand, and throws it on the table. 

“I. Don't. Want. Your. Money.” He hisses as his father stares back, looking almost amused. 

“Quit being such a brat. Fine, be poor for all I care.” He says, snatching it off the table. 

They don’t talk after that, and Shouto can feel himself shaking as Katsuki reaches out for him. His touch is grounding, leaving Shouto somewhat at ease despite the awful circumstances. Their food comes, and Katsuki eats somewhat disdainfully. Shouto sits quietly as he pushes his around, no appetite to speak of, as his father greedily devours his own lunch. 

“You're really not going to touch any of that food I'm paying for?” His father barks, and Shouto’s fist tightens reflexively around his chopsticks. 

“I'm not hungry. You would've known that if you had listened to anything I said.” Shouto explains. 

“You're never hungry, Shouto, don't think I don't know why you ran out of here earlier.” 

“Hey!” Katsuki says, surprising Shouto, as he realizes the other boy is getting their waitress’ attention. 

“Sorry, can we get a couple of boxes please?” The woman nods, walking behind a counter and returning with containers. 

“Thank you.” Shouto says quietly, nudging Katsuki. He just smiles, and reaches to give Shouto’s hand a quick squeeze before they both pack up their leftovers. No one speaks after that, as his father pays the bill. The closer they get to leaving, the more worried Shouto gets as the realization sets in that eventually he'll end up alone with him, or at least him and his driver.

They climb in the car, where Katsuki inserts himself in the middle again, before giving the driver his address. It makes Shouto even more fidgety and on edge than he has been, knowing that soon Katsuki won't be between them anymore.

-

Katsuki balls up his fists as his home comes into view. He doesn't feel good about leaving Shouto right now, but he really doesn't think he has a choice. Suddenly the car is slowing down in front of the walkway up to his house. He looks at Shouto who opens his door, and steps out to let Katsuki out. 

“Text me the second you get home.” He whispers, pressing a hand to his cheek. Shouto nods, and leans in, pressing a quick peck to his lips before sliding back into the car. Katsuki watches them drive away for a moment before he walks up the pathway towards his front door, when it suddenly flies open. 

“Where the hell have you been, was that Todoroki Enji?!” His mom shouts, grabbing him, and yanking his body against hers. He coughs, and sputters, surprised by being yanked around, and her yelling. 

“Fuck I'm sorry! It's a long story, can we just get inside?!” Katsuki barks, trying to pull away from his mom. She steps back, giving him some space, but rushes them inside wordlessly. 

“Why were you with him? I told you how dangerous he is!” His mom explains, and he just nods. 

“Yeah… Yeah, I noticed. He was trying to make Shouto go to lunch with him, and I don't know, he panicked, and said he'd only go if I could come. I couldn't let him do that alone, mom, you didn't see how scared he was!” Katsuki’s speaking too fast to keep up with even himself, as he recounts the events of the afternoon, overwhelmed and confused by everything that happened. Firm hands are suddenly placed on shoulders, squeezing and grounding him. 

“Hey. You're safe, I'm sorry I yelled, I was scared.” His mom says, trying to soothe him.

“Katsuki, please, next time something like this happens, just call me and we'll figure something out, for both you and Shouto. Don't ever put yourself in a position like that again.” She says, and he nods, as he allows his mom to comfort him.

-

“Oh, so you're like your brother then.” His father says as Shouto closes the rear driver's side door. He looks at him with wide, nervous eyes, as it clicks that he'd just kissed Katsuki in front of him. The phrasing enrages him though, as his lips straighten into a firm line. 

“Why do you care? Is it only okay when it's your son?” Shouto asks, as his throat tightens up, and his father looks at him in disgust. 

“What are you talking about?” He asks, and Shouto wants to scream. 

“You know what I'm talking about, you hypocritical pervert!” Shouto says, as the tears prick at his eyes. He sees amusement in his father's eyes, and it makes him feel sick. 

“Oh my God, you're just like your mother.” He says, and Shouto is suddenly seeing red. “Is that why you've been acting so crazy all day?! What do you think your friend’s going to think, Shouto? Are you really that confused?” 

It's at that moment that Shouto has never been so grateful for his apartment being only a few minutes drive from Katsuki’s house. He feels the car slow down in front of the walkway to their apartment. He looks up, and as he steps out, he hears Touya. 

“Shouto! What's going on?!” Touya says, running towards him from the parking lot. He looks terrified, and Shouto just wants to break right there. 

“Why were you with him? What the hell did he do?” His brother shouts as the car starts to pull away. Shouto stammers and shakes his head, as his brother runs past him, but it’s only a moment later that the car is gone. 

“You're a fucking spineless coward!” Touya shouts after the car, as Shouto stands on the sidewalk, arms wrapped around himself. His brother turns back to him, looking defeated. 

“What happened?” He asks, and Shouto just shakes his head. 

“I j-just wanna go inside and take a shower. Please.” Touya looks like he wants to say something, but just sighs, nodding his head. He wraps an arm around Shouto, keeping him close, as they walk inside. 

Shouto slams the bathroom door behind him, trying to disperse some of this nervous energy that's eating at him. He doesn't waste any time removing his uniform, and throwing the pieces in a pile in the corner. He grimaces as he swears he can feel hands all over his body, and his father's words burned into his brain. 

Oh my God, you're just like your mother.”

The implications disgust him, as well as his intentions to make him doubt himself. Like he made up the abuse. He knows that’s exactly what he wants, but it doesn't make any of this pain lessen. He sobs, as he turns the water on, holding his wrist to his mouth, as snot drips down his face. He hates it, he hates all of this. 

His throat tightens up as he gags. He presses his hand over his mouth, because he doesn't want to throw up anymore. There's nothing left but stomach acid. His body wretches again, as he ends up on his knees in front of the toilet. The tears fall fast, as he sobs, sucking in breaths between gags, as he throws up his empty stomach. He feels disgusting, and wretched as he spits into the toilet. He slowly pushes himself up from the floor to his feet, and steps into the shower.

The water is hot, he hadn't realized quite how hot it was until he was under it. The steam is difficult to breathe around, as the water beats down on him painfully. He grabs his soap, and starts scrubbing. He just wants to stop feeling his father's hand on him, to not feel him grazing, and dragging his fingertips over his entire body. 

He gags again, as he squeezes his eyes shut, trying to force his mind somewhere else. Red eyes pop into his head, as he thinks about Katsuki, and he suddenly remembers he never texted him. He quickly rinses his body, before jumping out of the shower. 

Me: Sorry I never texted you. Been home for a bit. 

He turns off the shower, and dries himself off, wincing at the rough towel on his slightly raw skin. He hadn't realized quite how rough he'd been. His stomach turns as he looks at the pile of clothes on the floor, before walking out of the bathroom, and running to his bedroom for clean clothes. His phone buzzes in his hand as he digs around for something comfortable. He pulls out some sweatpants and an oversized shirt, before looking at his phone. 

Katsuki: Good to know can we talk soon?

The question makes him nervous, as he responds. 

Me: Yeah soon I'm sorry

He turns his phone off after that, and lays in his bed. He stares blankly at the wall, as static fills his ears. He burrows deeper under the blankets, as the exhaustion settles into his bones. His eyes fall shut, and he starts to give in, when the sound of the bedroom door opening stirs him from the stupor. He glances up, and watches Touya come in before sitting on the floor in front of him. 

“Can you tell me what happened?” He asks, back against the bed, staring across the room like Shouto. 

“Dad showed up at school. Bullied me into getting lunch with him.” Shouto says, almost sounding robotic to his own ears. 

“What the fuck.” Touya mutters. 

“Katsuki came.” He adds, and Touya looks back at him. 

“To lunch?” He whispers, and Shouto nods. 

“Yeah.” Shouto says, and the room goes quiet before Shouto lets out a quiet sob. 

“I think he's gonna dump me.” He whispers and Touya turns himself around fully. 

“Why would you think that?” He asks, and Shouto sniffles. 

“Because dad was such a fucking creep, and I accidentally tricked him into going, and he's probably so fucking mad at me, Touya.” Shouto blurts out, sobbing. Tears stream down his cheeks, as he loses control yet again. His brother turns around, sitting on his knees before wrapping him in a hug, and letting him cry. Shouto starts crying harder because he just doesn't know how to let Touya know how grateful he is for this comfort, and support

“You should talk to Bakugou.” Touya says, once the tears have slowed. Shouto takes in a shuddering breath as he nods. 

“Y-yeah, you're probably right.” Touya pats his head affectionately, before stepping out of their room, and giving Shouto some space. He grabs his phone, and sees that Katsuki never texted him back. He sighs, and opens up the text history, hitting the call button near the top of the screen. It feels like it rings forever before he hears a quiet answer. 

“Hey, are you alright?” The concern takes him by surprise. 

“I'm… Fine. Are you?” He asks. 

“Shouto, I'm fine, but you seemed terrified today. Everytime you see him, you're worse than the last time, and I'm just worried.” Shouto lets out a sigh of relief. 

“Oh my God, I thought you were going to break up with me.” He says with a weak laugh. 

“Break up with you?! No, of course not! Why would you think that?” Katsuki asks. 

“Because my father was fucking humiliating, and condescending, and I forced you to come to lunch with us. I would hate me if I were you.” Shouto mutters, Katsuki lets out a quiet chuckle. 

“Well, yeah, if I forced you to go to lunch with your father, you should hate me, but the only one who forced us to do anything was him. I'm sorry though, and I’m not mad at you, at all. I'm just glad I was able to be there for you.”

Shouto feels tears filling his eyes for what is probably the hundredth time, as his chest swells with so much affection for his boyfriend. They talk for a while after this, before the weight of the day brings a thick cloud over Shouto’s mind, and he drifts off to the sound of Katsuki voice in his ear.

Notes:

TW: abusive parent, homophobia, allusions to child sexual assault, descriptive vomiting, gaslighting

Chapter 17: He’s Got Bones All Through The Backyard - Part II

Notes:

Just a reminder that this chapter is strictly flashbacks, and not necessary to the story. There will be no trigger warnings, just know it's graphic. Once again please take care of yourself, but please enjoy!!
The song the chapter is named after isn't on spotify, but you can find it Here!
Check us out on Twitter!
Me
Gold

Chapter Text

“He's a dog
But he's dressed up like a sheep
He’s got bones all through the backyard
But he likes to drink tea
We play scrabble on the weekend
And he talks about the weather most of the time
I thought my sacred body
With him, it would be fine
And I walked into the doorway
He slid across the room
My heart, it started racing
I just didn't know what to do
And he laid me on the floor
And my screams they go unheard.”

Winter On The Weekend - Julia Stone



The first days at his father's house were bad, but it only got worse. Shouto just hid in his bedroom, and they didn't talk. He'd come out and eat occasionally, but every time his father would just stare at him. It was unsettling at best. 

He remembers the first time it happened though. He could smell the alcohol on him when he came to Shouto’s room. 

“What do you want?” Shouto asked with a sneer, he wasn't so scared then. The sight of his father didn't petrify him. 

“I just wanted to see my son.” He'd said, and he only got closer. Shouto backed himself against the wall as he felt his stomach jump. His breath reeked of vodka, as he leaned down into Shouto’s space. 

“Get away from me!” Shouto said, shoving his father. He didn't budge though, as he continued pushing, and shouting. Suddenly a large hand cupped his chin, tilting his face up. He realized at once what he was doing as he began to scream, and flail his limbs. 

“Stop! Stop it! You're disgusting! I'm calling Touya!” He'd screamed, but his father just laughed, and moved his hand to grip his hair before he pressed his mouth to Shouto’s. 

He felt himself gag at the action, disgusted, before his father pulled back. His face was unreadable, as Shouto shoved passed him, running to the bathroom where he fell to his knees, gagging and sputtering. 

He didn't see his father the rest of that night, as he hid in his room. He's disgusted, and he only tastes bile the rest of the evening. Unfortunately everything only got worse from there. 

Nothing like that happens again for a week. He still gets hit, and pushed around, but he's fighting back less. It's just better if he lets it happen, and does what he’s told. His father's eyes still follow him anytime they're together though, and that alone makes him sick. 

About a week later though, it happens again. It's late, and Shouto is getting ready to sleep, when his bedroom door is thrown open. He doesn't feel so bold anymore, talking back and fighting only makes it worse. His father comes in and sits on the edge of his bed, as Shouto curls in on himself in the corner. 

“Come see me, Shouto.” He'd said softly, as Shouto shook his head. A large hand wrapped around his ankle as he was yanked towards him. 

“I said, come see me .” His father barks, lips stretched into a sneer. Suddenly, Shouto is being manhandled into his lap, as he tries to shove, and push himself away, trying with all his strength to get out of his hold. 

“Let go of me! I hate this, I hate you !” Shouto screamed, as long, wide fingers were shoved in his mouth. He gags at the intrusion as his father retracts his hands and slaps him. It's disorienting as Shouto blinks, trying to see clearly as his ears ring as well. 

Cracked, rough lips are suddenly pressed to his, as his father shoves his tongue into his mouth. In a moment of desperation and panic, Shouto bites, and his father pulls back with a shout. His hand wraps around Shouto’s throat, as he shouts. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you, you brat?!” He squeezes harder, Shouto starts seeing spots as he blinks, and claws at his father's hand. Just as Shouto nearly passes out, the grip on his throat relents, and Shouto falls to his side. He lays there, sobbing, and gasping for air, before he pushes himself to the ground, and attempts to run from the room when his father catches him by the ankle. 

“You're not going anywhere. We aren't finished here.” He growls, and it sends fear flooding through his veins. 

“Please,” Shouto says, through his sobs. “Stop, why the fuck are you doing this?!” He pleads as his face gets covered in tears and snot. 

“If you'd be good, this would only take a minute!” His father barks, curling fingers into his hair. 

“Come here.” He says, pulling Shouto off the ground by the strands, as his free hand reaches for his zipper. Ice shoots through his veins, as his father frees his cock from his pants. Shouto stared at it in horror, as his father wrenched his mouth open and forced himself inside. 

“If you even think about biting, I'll end your life right here.” His father hisses, trying to enter Shouto’s throat, as he screams. When his cock hits his gag reflex, there's no stopping the reaction. His body forces up the little food he's had that day, flooding his father's lap and his own bed. His father makes a noise of disgust as he shoves Shouto off of him. 

He lays back on the floor, face covered in his own tears, snot, and vomit. He sobs loudly, as his father stands over him, sneering in disgust. 

“God, why did I even fight to have you here.” He mutters, before walking out of the bedroom. Shouto doesn't move for a long time after that, shaking, and nauseated. He feels disgusting, the kind of disgusting that spending hours in the shower couldn't fix. 

It happens daily after that. Where his father either makes him suck him off, or tries to do more. Shouto will often make himself sick multiple times a day because it seems to be the only thing that deters him. The worst one haunts him constantly though. The night his father held him in his lap, playing with his hair, a special focus on the right side. 

“You look so much like your mother sometimes. You sound almost as pretty as she did when I'd use her like this.” He'd said, and the words made his stomach turn at the thought. He doesn't say anything though, just lies with his head against his father’s shoulder as he ruts against him. The movements fill him with panic, because he knows his father will be hard soon. Knows that he'll take Shouto’s hand, and make him touch it.

Something different happens that night though, as his father's hand dips inside his pants, pulling out Shouto’s half hard dick. He lines it up with his own, and begins stroking them both in tandem. Tears fill his eyes as the unfamiliar pleasure coils up in his lower belly. He wants it to stop, he wants his father to never, ever touch him again. He sobs, tears soaking into his father's shoulder, which only seems to spur him on. 

“Oh, I love it when you're like this. Quiet and pliant. Such a good little slut.” The words make him sob harder, he can't help it at this point. Disgusted with the situation and himself. He feels his father shake under his body, and suddenly his own cock is covered in his father's cum. It ends up being the final straw, and he gags. Suddenly he's being shoved to the ground. He stares up at his father with tears in his eyes, as vomit drips down his chin. He feels his boxers stick to his waist, wet with his father's cum. 

“You're disgusting, go clean yourself up.” He hisses, walking out of the bedroom. Shouto doesn't know how long he laid there, contemplating how long he could live like this. Death would be far better than spending any more time here. 

Then one night, it happened. His father had his hand inside Shouto’s pants, groping him. It was nothing new at this point, until he began to prod at his hole. With nothing but spit, he attempted to insert a single finger, as Shouto sobbed, and begged quietly for him to stop. He didn't care about what Shouto had to say though, and at this point he did the only thing he could think to make it stop. He pressed two fingers into his mouth, as he leaned back, and made himself sick over his father's face. 

Shouto remembers the way his father threw him to the floor after that. He'd screamed, and beat him so badly that night. He hurt for weeks after that, he remembers when his siblings found the bruises the day he was returned home, and in the end it was what ended up saving him. He overheard the call with the social worker the next day. 

“I don't want him. He's a selfish brat, and I want him out of here by tomorrow. Touya can have him if he wants him so badly.”

He doesn't remember the last time he was as happy as he was to overhear that phone call. He was going home. 

Chapter 18: Now We’re A Little Bigger (Still We Have To Cry)

Notes:

Hello!! Sorry there was no update last weekend, things are a little busy right now with the holidays. I think for the foreseeable future we will be down to biweekly. or monthly updates, we'll see what I have time for. I hope you all enjoy the update, comments and kudos are always appreciated <3

 

Me
Gold

Chapter Text

“Dressed up with my sister
I was a bat and she was a fly
Now we're a little bigger
Still we have to cry
Pine by the sea my namesake
Soon will rot away
Watch the beetles eat bark
On another day.”

Tree Bones - Port O’Brien

 

Katsuki runs down the stairs at the sound of their doorbell ringing, sliding past his mom, who was halfway through the living room to get it. 

“Why the hell are you running in my house?” She hollers at him, but the amused smile on her face tells him she's not really upset. 

“Sorry, it's Deku.” He explains as he opens the door for his friend. 

“It's me.” He adds walking in the door. Katsuki rolls his eyes, as he shuts the door behind him. 

“It's good to see you, Izuku, what are you two getting up to today?” She asks, and Deku basically starts vibrating in excitement. 

“We're fixing Todoroki’s mother’s vase!” He says, holding out the box with ceramic shards in it. She smiles at the boys, before nodding, and looking specifically at Katsuki. 

“That's very kind. I'm sure he'll be thrilled by that.” Once again, he rolls his eyes, feeling his cheeks flush. 

“It's fucking nothing. Just gluing some shit back together.” He mutters, as Deku chuckles. 

“You gotta learn to accept a compliment.” He says, elbowing Katsuki, who sticks his tongue out at him before yanking him out to the garage. 

“You got the gold then?” Deku asks, and he nods. 

“Yeah, I got it.” The other boy nods in acknowledgement as he starts pulling out pieces of the vase, and piecing together the base, while Katsuki mixes the gold powder with lacquer. The room is quiet as they work, until Deku interrupts it. 

“So, why was Todoroki called to the office yesterday?” Katsuki freezes, remembering the entire ordeal before sighing. 

“It's a long story. His, uh, dad showed up.”

Deku looks up with wide, concerned eyes. 

“Oh my God, is he alright?” Katsuki looks down at the mixture of gold powder and lacquer, before he starts painting the cracks.

“I don't know. I guess?” Katsuki says with a shrug. He's frustrated, or enraged might be a better descriptor, but he shoves it down for now. Deku's not the person to take it out on.

“He came to the school to force Shouto to get lunch with him, and that's when I showed up, and I got wrangled into going with them.” He explains, telling Deku every awkward detail of the lunch, while leaving out certain personal details. The younger boy listens as he continues adding more pieces to the vase as Katsuki applies the lacquer along the broken sides. 

“We haven't talked since last night though. I've texted him, but heard nothing back, I'm sure he's just decompressing, but it kinda sucks.” He says with a shrug. Deku just nods as they continue working together. They’re plunged into a focused silence until they’re nearly finished. 

“Do you know what happened while he was with his dad? I'm not asking you to tell me or anything, he just kinda shuts down when it gets brought up.” Deku asks, and Katsuki just shakes his head. 

“He just kept telling me yesterday that he was going to hurt him. He was so fucking scared. Then when I got home, my mom chewed me out. Just went on and on about how dangerous that man is.”

Katsuki explains, but he can’t help but smile though, as he turns the vase in his hands. The lacquer just needs to dry now, and then he can sand it down smooth. 

“Thanks for saving the pieces, and helping me put it back together. He's going to be so happy.” Katsuki says, admiring the vase in his hands. 

“I'm so glad I could help! When are you giving it to him?” Deku asks. 

“I was thinking about next weekend after the festival.” Katsuki says quietly and Deku’s eyes are fucking sparkling now. 

“Rody’s coming to visit to come to go to the festival with me! We can go together!” Deku says, bouncing up and down. 

“I'm already gonna be stuck with the entirety of Shouto’s family, so sure. Why the fuck not.” Katsuki quips, rolling his eyes. 

“His siblings are coming?! That's so exciting!” Katsuki snorts at that. 

“Yeah, tell him that, he does not think so.” 

-

Shouto lies in his sister's bed staring at the ceiling. The idea of getting up sounds like more than he can handle right now. He should at least move to his own bed, so Touya doesn't worry when he gets home. He sighs as he gets to his feet, and wraps the blanket he'd brought with him around his shoulders as he shuffles his way back to his and Touya’s room. 

He lays down in his own bed, exhausted from the lack of sleep. Nightmares plagued his mind the entire night, and Touya had gone to Keigo’s, which Shouto had told him to. He came to check on Shouto after he'd fallen asleep on the phone with Katsuki, and they talked for a bit when Touya said he'd canceled his plans with Keigo. 

The guilt ate at him immediately. He'd made those plans because their lives had finally returned to normal. Their father was supposed to be backing off, and Touya was supposed to be free to live his life. So Shouto sucked it up. He smiled, shrugged off the whole incident and swore up and down to Touya he was fine. 

Which he was. 

Until night came, and he laid in that dark bedroom by himself, waking up throughout the night feeling large hands on his body, or dreaming he was choking. Everything hurt, and hurt, and hurt, until he stumbled out of bed, with tears streaming down his face. He slowly fumbled down the hallway, ending up outside Fuyumi’s door, knocking gently. He listened, and listened before softly calling out his sister's name. 

“Yumi?” He said, voice cracking, and suddenly he heard the sound of her climbing out of bed, before the door quickly opened up. He sees the concern in her eyes as he sniffles. 

“Here, come in. What's wrong?” She asked quietly, placing a gentle hand on his back. The words came out before he could even think about them. He told her about the awful lunch, and how the nightmares just won't stop. He left out some details, of course. And he cried as they laid in her bed, one of her arms wrapped around him as she ran gentle fingers through his hair. 

“I'm s-sorry for waking you.” He whispered, but she just shook her head.

“You're fine. I'm glad you didn't just try to deal with it alone.” She said, as he buried his face in her shoulder. 

His anxiety eased as she began to hum a song, something their mother would sing for them when they were little, and something Fuyumi picked up after she was taken away. He cried quietly until he eventually fell asleep in his sister's bed. 

He gets pulled from his thoughts when he hears the front door open. It makes him nervous, because Touya will come in and be worried, maybe even beat himself up for leaving in the first place. Shouto sighs, dragging a hand down his face as the door opens. He looks up and meets his brother's eyes. 

“Hey. Rough night?” Touya asks, crossing the room, before sitting on the floor in front of his bed. Shouto shrugs. 

“It was fine.” He lies, and Touya chuckles. 

“Yumi already told me you came to her room last night, you don't gotta lie.” He says, giving Shouto a shove.

“Sorry.” He mumbles, and Touya shakes his head. 

“You're fine, I get it… Can you tell me what happened yesterday?” He asks, and it brings tears to Shouto's eyes, as he shakes.

“He just kept saying the most awful shit, Touya, and he touched me. He reached his fucking hand under the table and touched my knee, with Katsuki right there.” He says, as his voice shakes. He can see veins popping in Touya’s neck from where he's sitting, and it makes him feel so guilty for stressing him out. He knows this is hard for Touya to hear, but the words keep coming as Shouto unloads every detail on him. From the suggestive comments, to the remarks about their financial situation, and finally the awful car ride home. Touya nods as he listens, fidgeting nervously. The room is quiet for a minute once Shouto finishes recounting his time with his father before his brother sighs. 

“I'm so sorry.” Touya says, sounding exhausted. “I don't know how to keep him away from you. I  thought about looking into a restraining order, but that requires evidence and he's so fucking powerful he can just brush off every accusation.” 

Shouto can see his brother crying, and part of him wants to cry too, but he's just so numb at this point. They sit together in silence after that, both of them at a loss for words. At least until Shouto has an idea. 

“Is your printer hooked up?” Shouto asks, as he starts searching for something on his phone. 

“Yeah, why?” Touya questions. 

“No reason.” Shouto mumbles, and the room goes quiet again, until the printer whirs to life. Shouto gets out of bed with a groan, and looks at Touya. 

“I'm gonna get dressed, and then I think we should go somewhere.” He says to his brother. Touya raises an eyebrow, but doesn't question him, until he walks up to the printer and sees a small stack of papers with photos of their father. 

“Shouto, why the fuck did you print a bunch of pictures of him?” Touya asks, confusion across his face. Shouto shrugs, with a mischievous smile. 

“You'll understand soon.”

-

Touya sits at a table across from his little brother as they fill out some forms. 

“A rage room?” Touya asks, and Shouto nods, face split with a wide grin. 

“It's awesome. ” He declares, and Touya smiles himself, nodding. 

“I'll take your word for it then.” He says, as they finish filling out their forms, and go turn them in.

Touya watches Shouto walk around the room, taping the photos of their father’s face to various objects, a television, a computer monitor, a CPU, a coffee table and a large picture frame. He turns around, with an excited glint in his eye.

“I want the baseball bat, you go ahead and use whatever.” Shouto says, gesturing to a wall with different tools of destruction on it. He finds himself drawn to the sledgehammer, as he watches his brother reel the bat back, and swing it right into the picture frame with their father’s photo taped to it. The bat lands in the center of his face, as shards of glass tear through the paper, and the frame falls off the wall. Shouto doesn’t hold back as he raises the bat above his head, swinging erratically at the picture frame.

Watching Shouto has him itching to try it himself. He looks at the computer table with their father’s face taped to a monitor as he walks over to it, lifting the tool high above his head, before he brings it down in the center of the monitor. It crumples under the force of the swing, and Touya can’t help but smile at the sight of the photo, smashed, and torn. He swings again, hearing the cracking of hard plastic, and the tinkling of the screen shards bouncing off the floor. 

He turns around to see Shouto with an axe now, swinging it into the center of the coffee table and through their father's face. It sticks for a moment, before he wrenches it back out, ripping the paper, and leaving half of it stuck on the axe. He smiles as he shakes the axe, and the paper slips off, gently floating down to the table. They make eye contact as they both giggle at the ridiculousness of it all. It feels good though, incredibly cathartic. 

They each continue the destruction, Touya smashes in the TV, while Shouto obliterates the CPU. By the time the alarm goes off, the photos of their father are nothing more than scraps of paper. They return their tools to where they’d hung, and bring their safety equipment to the attendants. Neither of them talk till they reach the car, and Touya breaks the silence himself.

“So how’d you learn about this place?” He asks, starting the car. Shouto laughs softly.

“Katsuki brought me here a while ago, and then I brought him here like two weeks ago. You remember when I asked you for ¥400?” He clarifies, and Touya nods.

“Ah, makes sense. Seems like a good outlet for him.” He says with a smirk, and Shouto rolls his eyes.

“Like you weren’t prancing around in there like a kid in a candy store.” He jabs back, making Touya laugh.

“Yeah, maybe I needed it.” He admits, feeling more at ease than he has in a while.

-

Monday comes around again, and Shouto doesn't feel like such a wreck anymore. He's going to join Katsuki for his volunteer hours this afternoon to visit with his mom. He's excited to see her with Katsuki, and none of the awkwardness there was the first time. He finishes shaping the tea cup for the set he's making for his next project when the bell rings. He sighs, packing up, and layering his creation with damp paper towels so it won't dry out yet. 

He makes his way towards the science wing, and he can't help the large grin that spreads across his face when he sees Katsuki. 

“Hey princess, you ready?” His boyfriend asks with a smirk as they meet in the hallway, hands intertwining. Shouto leans in for a quick kiss before humming in response. 

They walk together as they each take time to talk about their day. They have a handful of core classes and lunch together, but half of their day is still spent in their focus areas, a few hours in the morning, and the last couple hours of the school day. Before they know it, they've made it to the hospital, and Shouto is surprised by his own excitement. 

“Well, it's about damn time I see you two together!” Mirko says as the two walk in, hand in hand. Shouto smiles as Katsuki tells her to fuck off, scribbling his name on the volunteer sheet, while Shouto signs the visitors sheet. 

“Tell your mom I said hi.” Mirko says with a wave. 

“Will do.” Shouto says, as they turn towards the elevators. Katsuki presses the button to call the elevator, as Shouto wraps himself around his arm. The action makes him shorter, closer to Katsuki’s height, so he takes the chance to press a kiss to the side of his face. It makes him smile, chuckling as the elevator doors slide open, and they step inside.

Katsuki presses the button for the fourth floor, as Shouto loosens his grip on his arm. Suddenly Katsuki’s hands are pressed to each side of his face. It surprises him, but he doesn’t even think about pulling away. He leans in, as Katsuki’s lips press against his. Shouto’s eyes fall shut as he leans into the kiss, enraptured by his boyfriend. His scent, the feeling of his lips, the gentleness of his touch. It’s everything.

The elevator dings, as they pull apart, both a little out of breath. Katsuki’s cheeks are dusted pink, and Shouto wonders if he looks the same.

“C’mon, I’m sure your mom’s waiting.” Katsuki mumbles, taking him by the hand. Shouto follows wordlessly, he can feel himself smiling like an idiot. It only takes a minute to reach her room at the end of the hall, and Katsuki seems stunned by Shouto just walking inside. She looks up from the table she’s seated at, and smiles brightly at them.

“Shouto! I’m so glad you came.” She says, reaching out to hug him, before turning to Katsuki, and pulling him in for a hug.

“It’s so good to see you too. How are you two doing?” She asks, sipping at a cup of tea.

“Pretty good. We’re going to the fireworks festival this weekend!” Shouto says, as his mother’s eyes sparkle.

“Oh my goodness, you’ll have so much fun!” She says with a big smile, before turning to Katsuki. 

“Are you still knitting, Bakguou?” She asks, and Shouto turns to him with a grin.

“So you do knit?” He asks, making Katsuki roll his eyes.

“Yeah, screw you, your mom actually taught me.” He says with a small smirk. “Sometimes. I mostly just do it with one of the patients I visit with.” He says with a shrug.

“She taught me to knit too.” Shouto says, and Katsuki narrows his eyes.

“You couldn’t just tell me you knit?” He asks, and Shouto laughs.

“I asked you first!” He counters, before Katsuki shoves him. 

The next hour they banter back and forth, and talk with his mom. It’s nice to have a lighthearted visit, and for things to feel like they're finally returning to some semblance of normalcy. 

Chapter 19: Tired Of Me And All The Things I Don’t Talk About

Notes:

HIIII GUYS, it's Gold here today! Hope y'all have a good weekend and here's our little gift, a fresh and juicy update just for you! It's the Atami festival time! Warnings in the end notes as usual, be safe!!

Kudos and comments are always very appreciated, they feed our souls!

LOVE YOU ALL, BYE!!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

“Sorry, I don't want your touch
It's not that I don't want you
Sorry, I can't take your touch
There's a hole that you fill, you fill, you fill
But it's just that I fell in love with a war
And nobody told me it ended
And it left a pearl in my head
And I roll it around every night
Just to watch it glow
Every night, baby, that's where I go.”

A Pearl - Mitski

 

Shouto stares at his reflection as he pulls his hair up into a low bun at the back of his head. Once it’s secure, he grabs his bag off the floor, and gets ready to leave for Katsuki’s house. His boyfriend had invited him to spend the night after the festival, and Shouto had a lot of feelings about that. He was mostly excited, but also nervous, and there was even a very small part of him that was afraid. The logical part of his brain knew Katsuki would never make him do anything he didn’t want to, but at the same time, the logical part of his brain thought his father would never sexually abuse him, so unfortunately talking himself down doesn’t always work. He sighs, pushing the worries from his mind, as he steps out of his room.

“I’m leaving for Katsuki’s, I’ll see you guys there?” Shouto says, throwing his bag over his shoulder.

“Yeah, don’t worry, we’ll have signs and everything.” Touya says with a smirk, and Shouto rolls his eyes.

“I will burn them if you even try. I’ll make Katsuki bring a lighter.” He threatens, before saying goodbye to his siblings, and heading out of their apartment. He’s excited to see Katsuki, and secretly excited about wearing traditional attire. He thinks it will be fun, and he also wants to see Katsuki in it. 

The walk goes by fairly quickly, and he can’t help but walk a little bit faster as Katsuki’s house comes into view. He takes a deep breath as he makes his way up the walkway, and nervously knocks on the door. The door opens a moment later, and Katsuki’s mom stands on the other side, as his boyfriend nearly flies down the stairs. He seems unhappy that he couldn’t beat her to the door.

“Shouto, we’re so glad you’re here! Come in.” She says, stepping to the side. He smiles, and steps inside, saying a quiet hello.

“Alright, c’mon, my stuff’s upstairs.” Katsuki says, grabbing his hand. Shouto starts to follow him when his mom speaks up.

“Hey, not so fast, brat! Remember what I told you.” She says, smiling, she seems excited even. Shouto stops, looking between the two as Katsuki rolls his eyes, and looks at him.

“I told her not to.” He says, looking some like he's annoyed, but also like he'd expected this. He looks at Mitsuki, confused, as the two of them stand in the living room.

“Masaru, Shouto’s here!” She yells, and Shouto has a feeling he knows what’s about to happen, and when Katsuki’s father comes downstairs with a bag in his hand, he feels the tears well up in his eyes.

“Mitsuki, you two really didn’t-” Shouto starts before he’s interrupted. 

“We wanted to, you deserve to have your own traditional pieces to wear.” She says, smiling softly as Masaru hands him the bag. He opens it with a small, teary smile as he pulls out the yukata. It’s nothing special, just dark blue with star embellishments. It’s pretty, and he feels emotional holding it in his hands, as he wipes the tears from his cheeks.

“Thank you. I don’t know what else to say. This was very kind of you.” Shouto says, as Mitsuki suddenly pulls him into a hug.

“If you’re important to Katsuki, you’re important to us. We're so glad you like it though!” She says, ending the hug, and squeezing his shoulders.

“Alright, stop making him cry, and let us go get ready!” Katsuki barks, and it makes Shouto laugh, surprised by his reaction. He wipes at his eyes as his boyfriend takes a hold of his free hand. 

“Oh, quit with the attitude, brat. Fine, go get ready for your little date, we’ve got to get going anyways.” Mitsuki says, as she ruffles Katsuki’s hair. 

“Fucking quit that!” He shouts, batting her hand away, before dragging Shouto upstairs.

“Thank you again!” Shouto says from the stairs, stumbling after Katsuki, while waving at his parents.

“Your parents are so nice.” He says, once Katsuki shuts his bedroom door.

“Yeah to you ! She's a pain in my ass.” Katsuki mutters, but he doesn't miss the fond smile his boyfriend tries to hide, as he moves towards his closet. 

“Alright, you can get changed in my bathroom if you want, or in here. I don’t care.” Katsuki says, and Shouto smiles to himself at the pink dusting his boyfriend’s cheeks.

“I’ll just change in here if that’s alright.” He says, and Katsuki nods, as he pulls his own yukata from the closet. He begins to undress, and Shouto can’t help but watch for a moment, before quickly looking away, and undressing as well. The room grows quiet as the two boys get changed. 

“Here, lemme tie your obi, and then you can do mine, yeah?” Katsuki asks, and Shouto nods.

-

Katsuki can’t help, but take the quickest glimpse of Shouto as he changes in front of the mirror. Not that he hasn’t seen him undressing before, before and after gym, or at the pool, but this feels different. The two of them alone in his room. His eyes briefly drift over the curves of his body, before he turns away, and finishes pulling his yukata on. When he turns around, he finds Shouto dressed as he walks up to him, and wraps the obi around his waist, before tying it in the back.

“Good?” He asks, a hand pressed to his waist. Shouto nods, before turning around. Katsuki watches him get his obi before stepping behind him, and doing the same thing. It’s incredibly intimate, Katsuki is intensely aware of Shouto’s breath on the back of his neck, before he leans over his shoulder and kisses his cheek. He smiles despite himself, turning around to face Shouto as he looks him up and down in his yukata. He looks gorgeous in it, and Katsuki finds his mind wandering to new places. He swallows, before pressing a hand to either side of Shouto’s face. He looks pretty. So fucking pretty.

“I like your hair up. Looks pretty.” He mutters, before pulling Shouto in, and pressing their lips together. He can feel his boyfriend melting into the touch, and it makes him want to forget about the whole festival thing, and stay here and figure out what else makes Shouto melt. However, the taller boy pulls away suddenly, and it brings Katsuki back to his senses.

“We should, uh, get going. My family’s waiting for us.” He says softly, flushed from the tips of his ears, and down his neck. Katsuki smirks at that, feeling pretty smug that he caused him to become so flustered.

“Yeah, Deku and his boyfriend will be there waiting for us too.” He says, taking Shouto's hand, and leading them out of the house. His parents are gone now, left for some modeling shoot while the two of them got ready. He’s so stupidly excited to be going to this festival with Shouto, to be spending the evening with him, and a little excited to show his family just how much he cares about Shouto. The walk to the train station is short, as well as the train ride to the festival. When they arrive at the stop, they step off the train hand in hand. The air smells like food, and Katsuki feels his stomach growl.

“I’m fucking starving.” Katsuki mutters, and Shouto laughs, nodding in agreement.

“Yeah. Me too.” The words make him let out a relieved breath, which feels silly, but it means that in some capacity, Shouto is doing better.

“Well, let's go find your family and Deku, and get some damn food then.” Katsuki says, dragging Shouto towards the festival. The younger boy laughs as he’s almost pulled off his feet, stumbling after Katsuki with a wide smile on his face.

-

It doesn’t take them long to find his family, the three heads of silvery white hair give them away fairly quickly. Conveniently enough, Midoriya and Rody are already with them as well.

“It’s about time you got here! Look at you in your traditional outfit.” Touya says, pinching his cheek. Shouto slaps his hand away, before sticking out his tongue.

“Katsuki’s parents made it for me.” He admits, as he feels warmth spread across his cheeks.

“Aw, that’s so sweet! It looks really good.” Fuyumi says, and Shouto desires an immediate topic change, which Katsuki so kindly provides.

“Alright, well, I don’t know about you assholes, but we're starving.” Touya seems slightly taken aback by the collective use of ‘assholes’, but Keigo cackles, and Shouto covers his mouth, amused.

“Alright, yeah, fine, go find your food. We can all meet up after, shithead.” Shouto snorts in surprise, as Katsuki grins.

“Sounds good, fuckface, see ya later.” He says, snatching Shouto’s hand and dragging him towards the food stalls.

“Oh my God, you’re ridiculous.” Shouto says, laughing as they approach a vendor.

“Yeah, well, he started it. Now what do you want?” Shouto laughs, knowing that that isn't necessarily true, but he decides to humor his boyfriend. He instead looks at the food options, humming thoughtfully.

-

“I think okonomiyaki sounds good.” Shouto says, and just hearing the name makes his stomach growl.

“Fuck yeah.” Katsuki says, studying the menu while they wait. He’s probably going to get the same thing, but may as well contemplate while they wait. His heart jumps when Shouto wraps his arms around his waist, and rests his chin on his shoulder.

“You’re so fucking cheesy.” He mutters, and Shouto laughs in his ear. It’s beautiful, and it makes Katsuki want to kiss him more than he already did. The line moves, and he shrugs Shouto off of him.

“Alright, c’mon, pretty boy, we're almost up.” He says, moving them forward in line. He feels warmth on the tips of his ears and knows he's blushing. 

-

A moment later, and it’s their turn to order, which Katsuki handles for both of them, much to Shouto’s relief. Once they get their food, they go find his family again, where they all sit down to eat together. The meal is mostly quiet besides Rody and Midoriya talking. When their conversation slows, Fuyumi speaks up.

“Rody, where are you from?” She asks.

“Oh, Otheon, it’s in Portugal!” He answers excitedly.

“Is it nice there?” She asks, as the rest of them listen.

“It’s alright, I just spend a lot of time with my brother and sister.” Rody says with a smile. 

“They're really cute kids! I miss them.” Midoriya adds, making Rody laugh. 

“Yeah, they miss you too.”

The conversation dwindles from there as they return their focus to their food. Shouto feels good, eating without feeling like his stomach could turn at any moment, or feeling the insatiable urge to eat everything in sight. It's nice, and he's going to enjoy it. 

-

Katsuki hopes his excitement isn't too obvious to the group as he watches Shouto eat freely. It makes something in his heart ache to see his boyfriend doing something so normal with such ease, and not only that he didn't argue with Katsuki about buying it for him. It makes him happy to take care of Shouto, and to see him so happy and relaxed. 

They finish eating not much later and the group splits off, Shouto's siblings and Keigo go explore the festival, while the four of them end up at some game tents. Katsuki doesn't miss the way Shouto eyes up the Kuromi plush at the ring toss tent, as he nudges him. 

“C’mon, let's go win you a prize.” Shouto turns to him, surprised, but shakes his head. 

“Oh no, please don't do that. I don't need a toy.” Katsuki rolls his eyes. 

“No one needs a toy, halfie, but this is our first festival together, and I want to win you something. Are you gonna make me go alone?” He asks, as Shouto huffs, sticking his tongue out. 

“Fine. Let's go” He agrees begrudgingly as Katsuki takes his hand, and leads the way to the ring toss. 

Katsuki pulls the yen out of his pocket, and pays for 5 rings, the number he'll have to get on the ring for the Kuromi plush. He stares intently, sticking his tongue out in concentration as he tosses the ring, and it lands right where it should. He grins as he picks up the second ring, it flies from his hands and catches on the same stacker. He feels confident when he throws the third ring, and it lands on a ledge right above the stacker he needed it to land on. He silently curses, as he throws the fourth ring, trying to nudge the prior ring off. He missed his shot, but the ring does end up on the right stacker. He holds the final ring in his hand as he stares dead ahead at the stacker. In the grand scheme of things it doesn't really matter, he can always pay for more, but it's the principal. He pulls back, and throws the ring. He watches intently as it sails right for the ring sitting in the ledge, hitting it so it flips and both fall onto the stacker. 

“Fuck yeah!” Katsuki gloats, louder than necessary as the attendant picks up the rings, and questions which prize he wants. He turns to look at Shouto. 

“Kuromi?” He asks, and the younger boy smiles and nods. The attendant unclips the large black stuffie from where it hangs, and hands it to Katsuki, who turns to give it to Shouto. 

“Thank you.” He says, leaning down to kiss him on the cheek. He feels himself blush, as he smirks. 

“Yeah, fucking whatever.” He mutters, as he takes Shouto's hand and they continue to explore the festival. 

Time passes quickly, as they make their way through the games, and try different foods. He's heard Shouto laugh more today than ever before and it makes him feel fulfilled. As the evening goes on, the sun starts to set, leaving the sky dark. The fireworks will probably be starting soon, so the four of them make their way towards the show area to meet up with Shouto's family. 

Touya eyes the plush in his brother's arms with a raised eyebrow. 

“Whatcha got there?” He asks with a smirk. Shouto grins. 

“Katsuki won it for me!” He says excitedly, and his brother rolls his eyes. 

“Hm, maybe he's not such a punk after all.” He says, as they make their way towards the viewing area for the fireworks. 

“Yeah, fuck you, old man.” Katsuki mutters, making Shouto laugh. 

They settle into the grass as the fireworks show begins. Katsuki leans into Shouto as the fireworks light up the sky. Their fingers mingle together, splaying over each others, as his head tips against Shouto's. It's comfortable, and intimate. He can feel Shouto smiling next to him, as he pulls his phone out. 

“Smile halfie.”

Shouto seems taken aback for a moment, before he smiles wide for the picture. Katsuki doesn't miss the way his eyes crinkle up in the corners, and it's the most genuine smile he's ever seen. Blue and orange reflect on their faces in the photo from the fireworks, and something about it suits them.

When the show ends, they slowly make their way to the entrance. Shouto says goodnight to his family, as Touya heckles him about their sleepover. When Deku and Rody get picked up, his mom offers them a ride as well, which they accept happily. The train is going to be full of drunk people, and it sounds like more trouble than it's worth. 

The house is dark when they get back, and they end up snuggling up on the couch, still in their yukatas. Katsuki leans back with one leg on the couch, the other extended over the floor, while Shouto lies back against him as Katsuki runs his fingers through his hair. It's peaceful, and he wishes they could stay this way forever, at least until he remembers the vase. 

“Oh, I've got something for you.” Katsuki says, and Shouto sits up quickly, turning to look at him, a look of suffering across his face. 

“Katsuki, you spent so much money on me today. What do you mean you have something for me?” He can't help but laugh at that. 

“Relax, I didn't spend money on it.” Katsuki says, placing a hand on his cheek. Shouto huffs, but seems accepting at least. 

“Okay... I'm listening.” He says with a small pout, it makes Katsuki breathe out a quiet laugh. 

“Alright, stand up, and close your eyes.” Shouto looks at him suspiciously before following the directions. Katsuki grabs Shouto's hands, and leads him out to the garage, stopping in front of the work bench where the vase sits. 

“Alright, open your eyes.”

-

He's not sure what he was expecting to see when he opened his eyes, but it definitely wasn't his mother's vase. His own hands come up over his mouth, as tears well up in his eyes. 

“Katsuki… How…?”

“Deku helped me. Do you like it?” He asks, almost sounding nervous. Shouto nods wordlessly, as his jaw shakes. He thought it was ruined, that it'd never be more than shards. His shoulders shake with sobs, as he turns to Katsuki, and wraps his arms around the older boy. They hold each other close as he cries into his boyfriend's shoulder. He can't help but feel entirely undeserving of this much love. 

“Thank you, thank you so much.” He whispers, pulling away, and grabbing Katsuki's face. He presses their lips together, doing everything he can think of to show Katsuki how inexplicably grateful he is for this. When Katsuki pulls away, his eyes are slightly lidded, as he smiles up at Shouto. 

“I'm glad you like it. It was pretty easy to fix, so don't worry about it.” Shouto sniffles as he wipes at his nose. 

“Not worried. Appreciative.” He says, with a gentle laugh. They stand in the garage, holding each other, as Shouto calms down.

“I think we should change.” He mumbles into Katsuki's neck as he laughs, nodding his head. 

“Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.”

They slip back into the house, and stumble up the stairs together. Shouto covers his mouth as a yawn slips out, it's been a long day, with a lot of emotions. He digs through his bag in Katsuki's room before pulling out some sleep clothes. He turns around to see Katsuki's yukata slipping off his body and pooling on the floor. He turns back quickly, feeling a little bad for staring. 

He gets to his feet, and follows Katsuki's lead, untying his obi, and letting his yukata slip off his shoulders. He pulls on the night pants he brought before throwing the old t-shirt over his head. He turns around to see Katsuki in his bed now, hair a little messy from the outfit change as he looks at his phone. He doesn't waste another moment, before joining his boyfriend in bed. 

He wraps his arms around Katsuki as he lies next to him, head resting in his chest as he listens to his heart. Warm lips press to his forehead, before he looks up at him. They smile at each other and Shouto scoots up to kiss him. They're so close, Shouto can smell the air from the festival on him. He smells sweet, and a little bit smokey from the fireworks.

His breathing picks up as Katsuki's hand slides into his hair, fingers gently scratching at his scalp. His mouth opens, letting the quietest moan slip, as Katsuki follows his lead, slipping his tongue into his mouth. 

His free hand slips beneath his shirt, and it's warm. He leans into the touch gladly, as Katsuki pulls him closer. It all feels so good, Shouto finds himself pulling him impossibly closer, as the hand in his hair gently wraps itself in the strands, tugging gently. It makes Shouto freeze up, as he suddenly becomes incredibly aware of himself, and what they're doing. He tries to shove the feeling away, as he doubles down on their activities. Katsuki's hand slips out of his hair, and rests on his back with his other hand, easing some of his anxiety. He whines as gentle fingertips drag across his skin, sending sparks down his spine and raising goose bumps across his flesh. 

A hand wraps around his, and it makes his stomach jump at the tender touch. It doesn't stop there though, as his hand is moved lower, and lower. His breath catches in his throat, as his teeth clamp down on Katsuki's lip when he presses his hand to his crotch. He doesn't have a moment to think as the stomach acid rises in his throat. He scrambles out of Katsuki's bed, and runs to the bathroom. 

-

Katsuki shouts as his boyfriend bites down on his lip, hard. It was jarring to say the least, as the younger boy jumps from his bed, and runs to the bathroom. He sits in stunned silence for a moment as the last 10 seconds replays in his mind, with the sounds of Shouto throwing up in the background. 

‘Oh shit’ runs through his head as he trips out of his own bed, and runs for the bathroom. 

“Shouto, I'm so sorry!” He shouts, nearly running into the bathroom door. He gets his footing and rests his head gently against the door. It's quiet on the other side, as he waits for any response. 

-

Silent tears stream down Shouto cheeks as he tries to process everything that just happened. He hears Katsuki on the other side of the door, and he feels like shit for freaking out. It's not like he didn't like it, it's not like he doesn't like Katsuki, but he feels so disgusting. The ache between his legs makes it worse, as he suppresses a gag.

He's not sure how long he sits on the bathroom floor, ashamed, and disgusted with himself. He hears Katsuki talking, but can't make sense of most of it as he quietly cries into his knees. Eventually though, he gets to his feet, and unlocks the door. He opens it to Katsuki on the other side with red, teary eyes. 

“I'm so sorry.” He whispers as Shouto embraces him, shaking his head. Katsuki hugs back almost hesitantly. 

“Please. Hugging is fine.” Shouto whispers with a shaky voice, as arms tighten around his waist. 

“I'm sorry I freaked out.” Shouto whispers, feeling Katsuki shake his head. 

“I'm sorry I made you feel unsafe.” He responds, and Shouto sighs. 

“You remember what I told you at lunch with my dad?” He asks, and Katsuki nods. 

“There are a lot of things people don't know?” He clarifies and Shouto nods. 

“I promise, I'll tell you soon. I'm just… very traumatized. I'm sorry.” He says, rubbing at his nose before he hooks his chin over Katsuki’s shoulder. 

“I wish you'd stop apologizing. It's not your fucking fault.” He whispers, pulling Shouto closer. He takes a stuttering breath as more tears fall down his cheeks.

“Sometimes I think it is.” He whispers, and he feels Katsuki take a deep breath, body rising and falling with it. 

“Why don't we get some sleep? It's late.” Katsuki suggests, and Shouto nods silently. They get back to his room, and Shouto sits in the edge of the bed while Katsuki starts gathering a pillow and a blanket. 

“What are you doing?” He asks, eyebrows furrowed. 

“Oh, I was just gonna sleep on the couch, give you some space.” He says, and the consideration makes his heart ache. 

“Please stay. I don't like being alone.” He says, chewing on his lip. Katsuki doesn't hesitate to make himself comfortable in bed again. 

“You're sure? The couch is comfortable. I'd sleep fine down there.” He says, and Shouto shakes his head. 

“No, please stay.” He whispers, and Katsuki nods, a small smile on his face. 

They lay down, cozy under the comforter, and Shouto presses his hands to Katsuki’s face, pulling him in for a kiss. They hold each other close for a few minutes, before they end up falling asleep with Shouto's back pressed firmly to Katsuki’s chest. He feels safe.

Notes:

TW: panic attack, trauma response, mentions of vomiting and Shouto's ED

Chapter 20: My Past Grew Mold Around My Heart (Baby, Cleanse Me)

Notes:

HAPPY FRIDAY I hope everyone is had/is having/has a lovely holiday! Trigger warnings in the end notes, but it's nothing big. Please enjoy the update!
Me
Gold

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

“You are the light I've been searchin' for forever
Feels like, man, I've really never felt the rain
Buried in the desert, didn't think I'd push through the dirt
You just cleansed me like a waterfall, you came
I'm screamin' like a kettle on a stove
You cranked the heat up, I was cold
My past grew mold around my heart
And all my anger, sadness, regret disappeared
It's madness, I'm not used to all this water, love, it's true.”

LIGHT SHOWER - Melanie Martinez

 

Shouto wakes up to light streaming in from the windows across his face. The bed is noticeably empty, and he can smell food cooking as his stomach growls. The night before comes back to him like a slap to the face as he thinks about seeing Katsuki. Anxiety thrums through his veins at the memory. What if Katsuki’s mad now? He thought about it and decided Shouto was just being ridiculous. What if he dumps him? He lays in bed, as his heart pounds inside his chest at the idea of facing Katsuki. 

Eventually he gets to his feet, and goes downstairs. He knows that Katsuki must be in the kitchen making breakfast. He sighs before walking into the room, where he finds the blond at the stove with no shirt on and headphones over his ears. His mouth goes dry at the sight as he takes a moment to process. He feels his brain shut down from the overwhelming mix of emotions he's felt in the half hour he's been awake, when suddenly Katsuki turns around, with a pan of food in hand, and almost throws it in surprise. 

“Jesus!” He exclaims, pushing one of the headphones away from his ear, and pressing a hand to his chest. “Warn me next time!”

“Sorry.” Shouto mumbles, and Katsuki splits the food between two plates, before setting the pan down to cool on the stove. 

“How are you feeling this morning?” He asks, pushing one of the plates towards Shouto. He takes it with a small nod, as he shrugs. 

“I'm fine. I feel really bad about last night.” He mumbles, pushing his food around on his plate. Suddenly his plate is taken from his hands, as Katsuki sets them both on the counter. 

“Look at me.” He demands, catching Shouto off guard as he does what he says. 

“I am not upset with you for whatever happened last night. I like you a lot, Shouto, the only thing I'm upset about is that something I did made you that upset, and I am so sorry for that.” Katsuki says, and Shouto lets out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding. He nods, as he takes a moment to think. 

“Thank you.” He whispers, and Katsuki presses his hands to his face, before pulling him in for a kiss. 

“Don't thank me. Just tell me what you need from me.” Katsuki says before he leads him to sit down at the table with him. Shouto nods again, before he takes a bite of his breakfast. 

“I will.” He promises with a small smile, which Katsuki returns. They enjoy a quiet morning together after that, they cuddle together on the couch and watch a movie. Shouto doesn't miss the way Katsuki’s touches never stray from his face, or his back. 

Shouto turns to look at Katsuki as the movie ends. 

“I should get home, I told Touya I'd be back by noon.” He says reluctantly. Katsuki nods, his chin bumping Shouto's shoulder. 

“That's fine, my parents would never let me hear the end of it if you were still here when they got home.” Shouto laughs, nodding his head. 

“Alright, well, I'll see you at school tomorrow.” He says, turning to face Katsuki. The blond leans down to kiss him before responding. 

“Sure will, Shortcake.” He says as Shouto climbs to his feet, and grabs his bag. Katsuki walks him to the door, and they kiss once more, before Shouto makes his way home. 

-

Shouto gets home, shoulders deflating with a deep breath as he stands in the living room. 

“‘M home!” He announces his presence to the apartment. Suddenly Touya enters the hallway. 

“Hey, did you have fun?” He asks, and Shouto swallows nervously. 

“Yeah, kinda.” He says, before he sighs. “I had a panic attack.” He admits, dejectedly, looking up to see concern across his brother's face. 

“What happened?” He asks, and Shouto starts to speak, before the words stick in his throat. A frustrated groan comes out, and he rolls his eyes at his own reactions. 

“Is anyone else home?” He asks quietly, and Touya shakes his head. 

“Nah, Fuyumi’s getting lunch with someone, she wouldn't tell me who though, and Natsuo’s visiting mom.”

Shouto nods as he stares at a spot on the wall. 

“How do I tell Katsuki what dad did?” Shouto asks weakly. Touya’s mouth drops open, before closing again, as he processes the question. 

“Did things get, uh, exciting between you guys last night?” His brother asks, and Shouto feels his face flush, and he nods slightly. 

“Yeah. Started to. Then I freaked out.” He mutters.

“Okay, alright. Um. Do we need to talk about, like, safe sex-”

“Oh my god, Touya, no! I just need to know how to tell him that my reactions to these things aren't his fault, and that my father's a fucking pervert.” Shouto exclaims, hiding his face in his hands. 

“Okay, I hear ya, kid. Listen, I don't think I can tell you how to do that. You've got to figure that out for yourself. How much you want to tell him, and when you're ready. I don't know how to make it easier, or more pleasant of a conversation. It's going to suck, probably a lot, but if you guys are going to take your relationship further, then you probably need to.” Shouto nods, as he wipes at his eyes. 

“Are you wanting to tell him, like, everything?” Touya asks, and Shouto nods again. 

“I just- I need him to know it's not his fault. That me panicking, isn't because of him. He shouldn't feel guilty for that.” Shouto says, voice shaking. Touya’s nodding now, and suddenly his arms wrap around Shouto. He holds his brother close as he melts into the hug, and it feels as safe as it always has. 

Shouto doesn't do much the rest of the day. He spends some time with his siblings, helps Fuyumi with dinner, and texts Katsuki throughout the day. Touya slips out of the house later in the evening to go spend the night at Keigo’s, which means Shouto’s got their room to himself. 

He lays in bed texting with Katsuki that night. He'd slept in this morning, and after they say goodnight, Shouto finds himself staring at the ceiling, unable to sleep. He knows he needs to, knows that he has school in the morning, and if he doesn't fall asleep soon he'll be dead tomorrow. 

An ache between his legs gets his attention as he drags a weary hand down his face. The feeling sends an unpleasant shiver down his spine when he thinks about the fact that the only way he knows to handle this is ignoring it, or taking a cold shower. He almost concedes, he almost gets out of bed to take a shower when he remembers the night before. 

The thought of Katsuki’s mouth on his, his warm hands on Shouto's lower back makes him ache again. He licks his lips, swallowing nervously as he thinks about touching himself. He never has, the last and only person to ever touch him like that was his father. He swallows the bile down at the thought, as he flops back on his bed. He squeezes his eye shut tight, and takes a deep breath as he reaches into his pants, and wraps a hand around himself. 

The touch makes him gag, as he shoots out of his bed, diving across the room for a trashcan. The tears prick at his eyes, and he spits the small amount of throw up into the trash can, shaking. He takes another breath, as he tries to ground himself. He's angry, he just wants to touch himself, he just wants to let Katsuki touch him, but here he is, on his bedroom floor, gagging over the simple act of touching his own dick. He shoves the trashcan back where it goes, before slumping back into his bed. He bites his cheek as he tries to decide what the fuck he's going to do. 

He sighs, as he lets his hand rest right below his belly button. He closes his eyes, and thinks about Katsuki. He thinks about his mouth, gently kissing down his jaw, and his hands resting on his waist. His own hand slips back down his pants, and he squeezes himself again, as he pictures Katsuki kissing him. He’s barely aware of the feelings, as he focuses so intently on the thought of his boyfriend. He knows that if his father slips in for even a moment, it'll fuck it all up again. 

Blond hair, red eyes, gentle calloused hands. His mind focuses on Katsuki, and all the things that make him him. He strokes himself, slowly, and gently, as one hand touches over his body. He brushes over a nipple, as he bites his lip, surprised by the feeling. He thinks about Katsuki touching him like that, and his cock jumps in his hand. He can't help it as a moan slips out, and he presses his free hand to his mouth as he finishes, cum dripping across his hand. 

He sucks in a deep breath, as the emotions hit him the hardest. The tears come quickly, as he wipes his hand on his pants. He can't help the little voice in the back of his head that seeps in its little comments. 

This is disgusting, you're disgusting. You should be ashamed. 

It turns his stomach, as he swallows, breathing slowly to try to avoid getting sick. The experience leaves him entirely exhausted, as he pulls his blanket up to his chin, blinking away the tears. He settles into his bed, and tries to force all the painful thoughts away. 

-

Shouto jumps out of bed as his alarm blares next to him. He sighs as he turns it off, and starts getting ready for school. Memories of the night before fill his mind, and he feels… Weird. He brushes it off for now though, as he starts getting ready for the day. 

When he gets to school, the first thing he does is find Katsuki. He misses him, even though he saw him less than 24 hours ago, but that's besides the point. It doesn't take him long to find his boyfriend at his locker, taking books from his backpack and placing them inside. Shouto smiles as he walks up to him, as Katsuki looks up from his bag, and smiles when their eyes meet. 

“Hey, Shortcake.” Katsuki says, closing his locker, and leaning in to kiss him. Shouto hums as they pull away from the kiss. 

“Hi there.” He says, as they start walking towards the ceramics studio. Katsuki will often hang out there with him for a bit until the school day starts. They sit next to each other, as Shouto looks through his planner for the day. He closes it, and leans against Katsuki as a strand of hair falls in his face. He looks up, and blows it out of his face, as Katsuki laughs at him. 

“You want me to braid it?” He offers, and Shouto looks at him, confused. 

“You know how to braid?” Katsuki sticks his tongue out. 

“Don't look at me like that. Yeah, I fucking know how to braid, sit up, stupid.” Shouto laughs, as Katsuki jumps up on the table, and Shouto turns his back to him as his boyfriend starts braiding his hair from the top. His bangs fall out, unsurprisingly, as he gets further down his head. Shouto closes his eyes, and enjoys the feeling of Katsuki’s nails against his scalp, and his fingers sliding through his hair. 

“Hair tie, princess.” Shouto jumps slightly, surprised by his voice as he pulls the hair tie off his wrist, and hands it to his boyfriend wordlessly. 

“There.” He says, letting the braid drop gently against his neck. Shouto smiles, and gets his phone from his pocket. He opens up the camera and examines his hair. He smiles at himself, as Katsuki presses a finger into his ribs. 

“Hey!” Shouto shouts, jumping in his seat. 

“Hey! I gotta get to class, they're gonna be taking attendance soon.” Shouto hums, looking at the time. 

“Yes, fine, I suppose.” He says, looking at Katsuki and pursing his lips. The blond grins from where he's standing before, leaning down and pressing his lips to Shouto’s. 

“See ya in study hall, pretty boy.” Katsuki says as he pulls away. Shouto just nods as he leaves the classroom. 

-

The morning drags by, and Katsuki finds his eyes stuck watching the clock. He's not sure exactly when Shouto started occupying every inch of his mind, but he is, and he can't find it in himself to be upset about it. He's been thinking about Saturday night a lot, jumping between guilt, concern, and anger for whatever hell Shouto was put through to make him have such a strong reaction. The bell rings, and makes him jump, before he starts collecting his things to head to study hall. 

He meets Shouto on the way there, and they walk to the library hand in hand. 

“How's your day so far?” He asks, and Shouto takes a moment to think. 

“Good. Just finishing up my next project. You?” He responds. 

“Fine.” He says with a shrug. “Hatsume and I are just trying to agree on what we'll do for our next project.”

“Is that hard?” Shouto asks, and Katsuki laughs. 

“Sometimes, but not usually. We always end up on the same path in the end, so it's not a big deal when we disagree.” Shouto nods, as their conversation ends when they enter the library. 

They sit across from each other as Katsuki pulls out some homework to start on. He can feel Shouto looking at him, as he tries to work on the math problems on the page. It's only a minute before his boyfriend pulls out his own homework to start on. 

Katsuki can tell without even looking that Shouto is distracted by something. His pencil taps against the edge of the table, he's playing with the hair around his face, he keeps looking up at Katsuki. He looks up at some point, and Shouto’s cheeks go pink. It makes Katsuki’s lips twitch up slightly, he's cute when he's embarrassed. 

“You need somethin’, sweetheart?” He asks, resting his chin in his hand. Shouto swallows as he nods. 

“Can you, uh, help me find a book?” He asks, and Katsuki raises an eyebrow. 

“Uh, yeah, sure?” He says, and Shouto nods again, standing up, as Katsuki follows his lead. 

“What book are you looking for?” He asks, as they turn down a row of shelves, heading towards the back. Shouto doesn't answer his question until they're nearly at the back of the shelves, and he turns to look at him. Katsuki thinks he's about to answer him, when his arms wrap around his neck, and he starts kissing him. His eyes go wide for a moment before he lets them slip shut, hands resting on Shouto’s waist. 

A silly small voice in the back of his mind is wondering what book Shouto is looking for, while the majority of his mind is busy thinking about the drag of Shouto’s lips on his. He feels Shouto’s fingers brush against the shorter hairs on the back of his neck, as he unconsciously pulls him closer. The fact that they’re in the school library keeps nagging at him though, before he pulls back reluctantly, seeing the clear disappointment in Shouto’s eyes.

“Listen, as much as I'm enjoying this, we're in the school library. I really don't wanna get caught sucking face behind the bookshelves.” Shouto pouts, but nods. 

“Yeah, fine, I guess.” He mumbles, before leaning in and kissing him one more time. Katsuki rolls his eyes when Shouto pulls away, and starts leading them back out of the maze of bookshelves. 

“You weren't even looking for a book, were you?” Katsuki asks with a smirk. Shouto glances back with a guilty smile as he shrugs. 

“I can't seem to remember what it was.” Katsuki snorts, but doesn't respond as they both return to their seats. 

The school day goes on very similarly to that, Shouto drags him to various secluded corners to make out, and the classes without him seem to drag as he and Hatsume try to find some common ground. The bell rings to signal the end of the day, and he jumps to his feet, before slinging his bag over his shoulder. 

He slips in between other students as he makes his way towards the art section of the school, and it doesn't take long for him to find his boyfriend. Shouto smiles at him, and he returns it, as the younger boy reaches out, and grabs Katsuki’s hand. 

“Missed you.” Shouto says, after kissing his cheek. It makes him smile, as he feels his cheeks heat up. 

“Missed you too, baby.” He whispers, squeezing Shouto’s hand. 

They get to the front of the school, and walk out the double doors together. A cool fall breeze blows in their faces, as Shouto pulls his jacket tighter. 

“Do you have volunteer hours today?” He asks, and Katsuki nods. 

“Yeah, you gonna be good if we can't suck face for the rest of the day?” He asks with a smirk, as Shouto laughs and gently shoves him. 

“Don't be mean.” He says, eyes twinkling with mischief. They continue their walk, hand in hand, until they find themselves outside Shouto’s apartment. Katsuki leans in for a kiss goodbye, as Shouto’s hands come up and hold his face. He can't help, but let his mouth slip open just a little, as Shouto does the same. 

A moment passes, and reluctantly, Katsuki pulls away. They smile at each other, before exchanging one final quick peck, and a quiet goodbye, their fingers remain intertwined until the very last moment where they slip from each other's grasp.

Katsuki walks as his mind wanders, and before he knows it, the hospital doors are opening in front of him. He walks inside, and makes his way to the desk. 

“Hey, kid, you have a good weekend?” Mirko asks, handing him the clipboard. Katsuki thinks back to Saturday and grimaces. 

“Yikes, okay, no then?” He laughs and shrugs. 

“It was good overall, actually just some… Uncomfortable moments, but good. I went to the fireworks festival with Shouto.” Mirko smiles. 

“Hey, that sounds fun!” He nods thoughtfully in response as he hands back the clipboard. 

“Yeah, it was. Alright, see ya later.” 

He enters the children's ward and goes to the art room, where he finds Tenko drawing as usual. 

“Hey.” Katsuki says, nudging Tenko as he walks around him. “Miss me?” 

“No.” He says bluntly, making Katsuki laugh. 

“Yeah, yeah. Here's those chips.” Katsuki says, sliding a bag across the table. Tenko smiles, as he tears the bag open, quickly pulling out a chip. He takes a bite, and immediately his nose scrunches up in disgust as he jumps up from his chair and spits the food out in the garbage. 

“That's disgusting. Never bring me those again.” He says, lips curled in revulsion. 

“So sorry, your majesty.” Katsuki says, smirking as he holds his hands up defensively. Tenko sneers before sticking his tongue out and sitting back down across from Katsuki. He's drawing something, and it's very obvious he's trying to hide it. Katsuki pretends not to be interested, as he takes occasional peeks. It only takes a minute for him to figure out it's a drawing of Aizawa, and Eri, and… Tenko too. 

“You seen Eri recently?” Katsuki asks, as Tenko quickly looks up from his drawing, blushing. He huffs, and rolls his eyes as he flips the paper over so he can’t see it anymore. 

“I don't know. Yeah. They come see me pretty often. Might be once a week, but it's hard to tell, everyday’s kinda the same.” He says with a shrug, Katsuki nods. 

“Sounds depressing.” He comments, and Tenko snorts.

“Yeah, not anymore than the rest of my life.” Katsuki can't help but laugh, caught off guard by the blunt response. 

“How do you know Eri and her dad?” Tenko asks. 

“He's my teacher, actually.” Katsuki answers. The kid nods, as he picks up the bag of chips Katsuki brought in for him. 

“Here, you have to try one.” Tenko says, shoving the bag towards him. Katsuki laughs, and pushes it back. 

“Yeah, despite how enticing you made them seem, I'm gonna pass, kid.” Katsuki says with a laugh. 

“Try one, or I'll cry.” Tenko threatens, and it makes him laugh harder. 

“When did you turn into such a brat?” Katsuki asks, taking a chip from the bag, deciding to humor him. He takes a bite, and promptly spits it into his hand, following Tenko’s lead from earlier. 

“Wow, you were right. I'm shocked.” Katsuki says sarcastically, before taking a drink from his water bottle. Tenko’s smiling, and at that moment he notices just how much better he looks. The bandages that used to cover his body are fewer, and his exposed skin appears to actually be healing, and not just one bad flare from being rewrapped. 

It makes sense, and he knows that. Tenko should get better, but he's the only one really. Rei won't really ‘get better’ if Enji has anything to say about it, and the other woman he visits with will probably be here till the end of her life, so it's a little strange to see him improving. He's grateful though, that he gets to see someone get better, and maybe even get out of here some day.

Notes:

TW's: Mentions of csa