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marriage certificate

Summary:

In which Will mentions a drunk Kym almost burning their marriage certificate to prevent Will from 'returning her without a receipt', and Kieran considers Kym's drunk shenanigans too seriously.

(based on a meme)

Notes:

Pure crack. Based on a meme by @theforbiddenmelon on Instagram.

side note: kym still uses her last name in work setting. lies in bold.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

The 11th precinct office has been quiet lately. In particular, the patrol unit.

It all started when Sinclair was posted back to the investigation unit as a detective. After the fall of Phantom Scythe, Hawkes was promoted to Captain – replacing Hermann’s position as he rose into Major – and left the patrol unit into Ladell’s hands as she became the Lieutenant. With the new rank, three new recruits, and without Sinclair and Hawkes, Ladell hasn’t been able to act out as much as she had been. 

Aside from the occasional chaos and questionable teaching Ladell imposes on the new recruits, the patrol unit is as peaceful as it can be. For the past week, the patrol unit has officially undergone its calmest week with her clocking out of the office for her honeymoon, much to Randall’s delight. 

“Goooooood morning, my fellow partners in justice!” Kym shouts, skipping her way into the patrol unit’s office. “Your beloved Lieutenant is back! I know you all must’ve missed me so terribly.”

Lukas glances up from his coffee and sends Kym a look that could kill. “I miss my quiet days without you already, Ladell.”

“It’s certainly quite lonely without you here, Lieutenant,” Lila says, beaming her hundred-watt smile to Kym. “The office will be lively again with you back.”

Kym throws an arm across her face and a hand on her chest. “Ah, Lila, the only sunshine in this gloomy place. You warm me so.”

“Welcome back, Lieutenant.” Simon – the new officer – greets. “How was your honeymoon?”

“The trip itself was good, but Willame never fails to prove himself as the lamest man in this world.” Kym shrugs, throwing herself on her chair. “He didn’t allow me to drink on our first night there even though the place we're staying at offered an unlimited refill deal! The real stick-in-the-mud, if you ask me.”

“You’re welcome, Lieutenant, for making sure that we won’t be kicked out of the premises on the first day.” Will walks into the office, smacking a handful of paperwork to Kym’s head. “If even Randall’s collection of blackmailing materials can’t stop you, I don’t know what will.”

“Ugh, what are you doing in the patrol unit?” Kym moves away as she narrows her eyes. “This area is under my domain, and I demand that the Captain get out of my office!”

A slam to the table gathers every attention in the room to meet Lukas’ glowering. “How about you both get out of here and take your marital quarrels outside? I'm not awake enough to deal with this.”

A pregnant pause follows before Will breaks off the silence.

“Right, I need to get going anyway.” Will places the paperwork on Kym’s desk. “These are the papers you need to review today.”

Again with the paperworks? Even though this poor Lieutenant has just returned?”

“I expect it to be done by lunchtime, Ladell.”

With that, William exits the room, leaving an enraged Kym behind the door. After another moment of her mini work tantrum, Kym drags herself back to her desk.

“Uh, Lieutenant, glaring at the papers won’t finish it.”

“I know, Robert. Mind your own business.” Snatching a pen and the first sheet of paper from the stack, Kym begins to work on the report. “Thanks for the reminder.”

The stack is going to take her hours. Kym makes sure that she’ll pester Will about it later.

 


 

When the clock strikes ten minutes past twelve, Will puts away his pen and leaves his office. He meets Lauren at the door, and they walk together to their usual lunchtime diner, where Kym and Kieran have been waiting. They’ve ordered meals for four of them, and by the time William and Lauren arrive, the food is waiting on the table.

They take in their fill as they engage in light topics until Lauren decides to pry.

“How was the honeymoon, Will?”

Will groans, burying his face inside his hands. “You won’t believe this, I tell you. Kym got drunk and tried to burn our marriage certificate saying ‘try to return me without a receipt! ’ People were looking at us, Lauren. I swear that this woman will be the death of me.”

“In my defence, I’m not wrong,” Kym mentions, shrugging nonchalantly, as she sips on her watermelon juice. “He won’t be able to divorce me that way, right?”

“We just got married and you’re thinking of divorce?”

“You can’t blame me for preparing for the worst!”

“Kym, why would I marry you only to have a divorce?” Will pinches the bridge of his nose before kissing Kym’s cheek lightly. “As ridiculous as it sounds, I’m quite fond of having you with me for a long time.”

The gesture renders Kym’s tongue frozen as she raises a hand to her cheek. A hint of red blossoms on her face as Kym pouts.

“You’re not playing fair, Will.”

Will smiles. “I’m just telling the truth.”

Lauren watches the newlyweds’ interaction in front of her as she munches on her food. “I don’t think our presence exists anymore.”

“Agreed,” Kieran replies, taking a bite of Lauren’s meal. “Should we get out of here?”

“Not yet. I want to know how long it would take until they realise that we’re still watching.”

A small smirk forms on Lauren’s lips. Kieran grins in return.

“Three minutes tops, I’ll bet.”

“Five minutes for ten cents.”

"And the time starts... now!"

 


 

Lauren and Kieran are staying in the Sinclair mansion for the night after their weekly dinner with Tristan and Dakan. After the eventful meal with Lucy’s delightful cooking and some quality time with her godparents, Lauren retires for the night. 

Kieran has been missing since dinner was over. He wasn’t in the kitchen charming Lucy for another plate of dessert. He wasn’t in her – their – room nor the gardens too, as far as Lauren could look from over her balcony. Neither Tristan nor Dakan had seen him and neither did the other maids.

Just where on earth Kieran has run off to?

Lauren is walking along the second floor's hallway when she hears a faint ‘thump’ coming from the door she has just passed. Turning back, her office door is slightly ajar – she’s sure she locked the door after she exited the room a few hours ago. Peeking through the gap, she finds the man she’s been looking for all night, and he’s crouching suspiciously near her chair.

“Kieran? What are you doing?”

He must have been too engrossed in whatever he’s been snooping on Lauren’s desk to notice her presence upon the door as he flinches and scrambles his hands in a hurry. Narrowing her eyes, Lauren strides towards Kieran, attempting to take a look at whatever he has in his hands. 

“Nothing you should be concerning yourself with, love. I swear I’m not into anything terrible.”

The smile on his lips lacks its usual confidence as he avoids her advances, keeping his hands behind his back, dodging adeptly from her every move.

Damn him and his assassin reflexes.

“I think I have the right to know if someone is messing around my desk, subordinate.”

“Didn’t you say that whatever yours is also mine?” Kieran retorts, with a boyish grin on his face. “So technically, it’s our desk now.”

“How dare you use my words against me-” Lauren jumps towards him. As expected, her sudden movement catches Kieran off guard, and right before he can escape, Lauren uses both of her arms to dangle herself into Kieran’s shoulders and both of her legs around his waist. “-and by ours, you’re also clarifying that I have the right to know.”

A strangled gasp escapes Kieran’s lips as he wraps his arms around her waist. He clicks his tongue. “Why is this wife of mine so reckless? You could’ve fallen down, even with you grappling on me like this.”

Ignoring his lecture, Lauren focuses her sight on the items he dropped on the floor – a box of matches and a suspiciously familiar-looking paper – and an involuntary snort breaks out of her throat. 

“Kieran. Are you… seriously considering what a drunk Kym attempted to do?”

Kieran stiffens against her. “Uh, no?

“I cannot believe this is happening.” Lauren closes her eyes as he rubs her nose. The corner of her lips curves upward, and a soundful giggle finally erupts from her chest. “Kieran, I promise I won’t return you anywhere.”

Lauren releases her grip on Kieran as he slowly lowers her down. A rare, bright shade of red decorates his cheeks. “I’m just taking a precaution!”

“Mhm, of course you are,” Lauren teases, holding his hand into hers. “There’s no need for such a thing with your innate talent in making me stay, husband.”

She intertwines their fingers together and kisses the back of his hand. 

“My, my, aren’t you being overly charming tonight, Detective?” Kieran replies, returning to his usual ploy despite the still obvious reddish hue. “I’m afraid I’m falling for it.”

“That’s the plan, actually.”

“Alright, you got me. No burning our marriage certificate-” Kieran smiles sheepishly, picking up the paper. “-for tonight.”

Lauren glares at him. “Not ever.”

“Not ever. Got it.

“Not ever, unless you want our future child to be illegitimate in the name of law.”

“Right, of-” 

Lauren walks out of the room, leaving Kieran alone to process his thoughts.

“Wait- Lauren, what do you mean by that? Hey, don’t leave me-!”

 


 

Omake:

“No, Kieran, I’m not pregnant.”

“You need to stop giving me a heart attack, Lauren. You’ve given me twice just in the span of an hour.”

“Well. Not yet.”

“Oh, this little vixen. We’re having a long talk about that in the bed tonight, wife.”

Notes:

more often than not, kiki shares the same braincell with kym. no one can convince me otherwise, lol.

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