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This was so stupid. Everytime he did it, he felt stupid. Yet, here he was, holding the blade in his shaky grip.
It was an x-Acto knife blade, a new one from one of the packs Bro bought recently. Dave's pretty sure he knows that he's been taking them. Not like he'd care, he's too cool to care.
Dave frowns at the fact he cant bring himself to cut very deep, that he can't do anything deeper than the Dermis. He wants to throw this damn blade in the trash, but knowing him, his ass would dig it out later. Must it come to that. Which it usually does. How pathetic.
He doesnt even know why he does it, its almost like its something he's always known. He wishes it wasnt something his brain would jump to any second he was bored, it made him feel gross. Dave hates himself, hates everything about him and his room and his stupid hair he can never get to sit right, everything down to his bone.
Dave slides the blade across his skin in a violent attack, it makes him more and more upset the more he does it. Eventually, he gives up at trying to cease the need to go deeper, and puts the blade in his bathroom drawer. He decides to go to his room.
His computer is practically yelling at him, and the brightness that emits from it bores into his soul. It's like it knows. He sits down in his chair and rolls it up to his desk so that his stomach touches the side. Dave taps his mouse to wake the monitor up and opens pesterchum. It was John.
ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]
EB: dave, my dad bought a keychain with some CD on it.
EB: i took it off his bag.
EB: thought you should have it.
EB: you know, since they're totally your thing.
Dave wants to smile, but he can't. And it hurts.
TG: yo
TG: that is so sweet
TG: thanks for thinking of me
He cringes at himself, he doesnt even know what to say and its driving him up the wall. His arms sting and its about all he can focus on right now. He rubs his forearm subconsciously while waiting for John to respond.
EB: yeah, of course!
EB: so...
EB: whats up with you?
EB: like.. whats a-crackalackin?
EB:... or something.
EB: how are you, is what I'm asking.
TG: haha
TG: no i like crackalackin use that
TG: nothing much though
TG: just been laying around you know
TG: being cool and stuff dude
TG: as i tend to do
EB: i see, i see..
EB: makes sense..
TG: yeah
EB: oh, you wanna ask about me?
EB: thank you, kind sir, i will answer.
Oh, fuck, right. He was supposed to ask hos John was doing. How did he forget?
TG: oh right
TG: sorry dude
TG: how are things holding up with you
EB: thats more like it.
EB: you gotta learn to mind your manners, young man..
EB: okay, well, anyways.
EB: I just got a copy of a movie.
EB: its called snake eyes, you mightve heard of it..
TG: is it another nicolas cage film
TG: my god dude
TG: when are you gonna get over that freaky obsession with him
TG: its causing detrimental pains to my plump heart
TG: very plump
EB: yes, it is.
EB: you shouldnt be surprised..
EB: but!
EB: i bring it up, because i was wondering, if you wanted to watch it with me?
Oh god. Dave feels a sharp pang in his previously-mentioned plump heart. Very plump.
He doesnt know why he's getting so nervous, he white knuckles his sleeve and thinks of a response.
EB: its okay if not.
EB: just an idea, you know?
EB: i feel like it's been a while since we've seen eachother..
Goddammit. Another deep stab to his heart, he feels nauseous.
TG: no yeah
TG: thatd be cool
TG: did you have any date in mind
TG: or time
TG: stuff like that
EB: of course I do..
EB: what kind of plan maker would I be if I didnt?
EB: keep asking yourself these questions, Dave..
EB: i am great. keep that in mind.
EB: i'm not joking.
EB: anyways.
EB: does tonight work for you?
EB: maybe in an hour, or two.
Is that enough time for Dave to plan? He doesnt think he'd be able to put on his usual fascade, but he's sure John wouldnt mind. Or notice. Dude would be too focused on Nicolas cage. This'll be fine.
TG: yeah ok i'll be there
TG: see ya
EB: cya!!
ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG]
Dave ends up at Johns house an hour later, knocking on his door weakly before fidgeting with his hoodie strings.
John swings open the door, "Dave!" He moves aside to let the other man in, "Welcome, welcome.." The latter walks inside, hands stuffed in his pockets while he watches John shut the door. "Okay, come on, we'll go to my room."
John rushes to his room and Dave follows shortly after, trudging along. Oh god, he was so damn nervous.
They eventually make it to Johns room, and while he's setting up the movie, Dave takes in his surroundings. He's been in this room a million times, he's looked at these posters a million times, he's looked at John a million times. Everything is the same, so why does he feel so different?
John uses a projecter to project the movie on his ceiling, Jumping on the bed and moving over to leave room for Dave. "This way, we can lay down while watching.." He snickers to himself. "I am so smart, thank you, thank you."
Dave cracks a smile, finally, and sits down. "Yeah, good idea, man." He lays down and looks up at the ceiling where the movie's being projected, and watches as John fidgets with the remote to try to get it to play.
Dave hears John's AC shut off, oh fuck. It's gonna get hot, he's gonna have to take off his hoodie, and, and John will see, and , and- "Oh crap," John interupts Dave's spiraling, thankfully. "My AC just shut off, it wont turn on for a while. You might wanna take off that hoodie." He suggests, and Dave wants to listen. But he cant, his arms are rubbing against his sleeves, and its already hot, and he feels a little sweat forming, and he just. Cant.
Dave shrugs. "I'll be fine, I'll take it off if it gets too hot."
John eyes him suspiciously before nodding, "Alright, whatever you want, man."
The lights are already off and John closed his blinds so that it would be truly dark.
The movie starts playing.
Dave cant even watch it. He wants to leave, this was such a bad idea. He can't be here right now. Everything hurts and his head is pounding, and oh my fucking god will someone fix that goddamn AC??
John starts talking, he points to the ceiling at a specific part of the projection. "You know, thats actually a reference to one of his other movies," John drones on, and Dave kind of tunes him out. He feels bad, but he almost cant help it right now.
Soon, John notices Dave isnt giving little head nods like he usually does, so he nudges him. This earns a small flinch from the other.
John asks him, "Did you listen to anything I just said?" Dave just shrugs, he feels his lips quiver and oh my god he was about to cry. The other boy notices this, sits up, looks at Dave with concern, and asks him, "Are you okay? Its fine if you didnt hear what I said, honest." He rests his head on his hand and watches Dave.
Oh god. Oh fuck. Oh hell no. He was about to cry, and now John is prying at him, and he knows if he looks up he'll get smacked with his sadness he's been attempting to bury this entire time.
He can't even speak, his lips squish into a thin line to try and conceal the cry that was bound to break through. Dave curses himself internally as he feels a hot tear fall down his cheek, and then another, and another, and now he's choking on his own spit while sobbing. Not very cool of you, Strider.
John pushes the projector aside, places a hand underneath Daves back, and gently pushes him to sit up. Dave does, as if he was some ragdoll, he hates himself so bad. Of course he's crying now, out of all times. He was such a pussy. The movie was too loud, the room was too hot, his arms hurt, everything was too much.
This was so fucking bad, oh my god, there is not a singular time he wanted to die more than he did now.
John watches Dave sob, he probably thought he was such a dick. God, what kind of a friend was he to start sobbing in the middle of a movie? Speaking of, the room suddenly goes quiet, it seems like the movie was paused. Theres a loud thunk on the floor, and when Dave cracks open his eyes to see what it was, he see's the projector.
Oh god, he didnt knock that over, did he? He lets out a loud cry, now burying his face in his hands. "It's okay." John comes closer, and rubs circles onto Dave's back in a soothing motion. The black-haired boy lets Dave cry for a minute, before he speaks up again. "Hey, why don't you take your hoodie off?" He ticks his head to the side, speaking as if Dave was a frightened animal. "I can't imagine the heat is helping anything."
Dave hears this, letting out another cough n sniffle. He mulls it over in his jumbled head for a minute.
He cant respond, so he just hesitantly nods. When he moves to grab the hem of his hoodie, John removes his hand off of his back, and Dave finds himself missing it. The hoodie comes off in one clean motion, tossing it infront of him.
"Oh, Dave.." John says in a mix of tones, seemingly seeing Dave's wrists. All this does is makes Dave cry more, he wants to curl up under the blankets and never be seen again, but we all know its too damn hot for that anyway.
"Come here." Dave wipes his eyes, and looks up at John, who now has his arms open wide for a hug. His tears start up again and he takes the invitation, shooting into Johns arms and sending them both falling down onto the bed.
John lets out an amused chuff while Dave wraps his arms around him, still crying but not as much. Dave feels a little better. John rubs his back again, a feeling Dave missed. "Do you want to talk about anything?" John asks, and it makes Dave think. He doesnt even know what he'd say. He clears his throat, "I don't really know what to say." John stays silent, and waits till Dave continues before saying anything. "Do you think you could talk about something? Like, I dont know, ghost busters? Just, anything."
John obliges happily and starts ranting along, waving around his free hand as he talks, even know he knows Dave's eyes are closed. He's stopped crying, and is now just sniffling periodically. Maybe he'd be fine. This was fine.
Soon enough, Dave's breathing evens out and Johns voice slowly quiets. The latter smiles down at Dave before gently taking off the others sunglasses, closing them, and putting them on the other side of his bed. He turns so that Dave was now in his chest, and John's chin was atop his head.
John falls asleep as well.
yay!