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Still Halfway Human, Just Going Through It

Summary:

Stark Industries was still an incredible place to work. Everyone seemed so dedicated and smart and ambitious, it truly reminded him of Howard and his vision for the future. Steve had even seen Tony Stark a few times in passing or when he made his rounds and talked to Steve’s superior in the office, but he hadn’t talked to him more than a greeting in passing. He wasn’t even sure Tony, who insisted on being called by his first name, had actually noticed him during these times.

Steve had noticed him all the more.

Notes:

For soliloquent! <3
Look, it's me again! :D After the Holiday Exchange, I got assigned to you again, because apparently your wishes match my writing preferences pretty well. :3
I hope you like this one, too! <3

Prompt:
Stark Industries Employee Steve AU

Thanks to GinBenci for the beta! <3

Title is from "I'd Rather Die" by Lost Stars & Caroline Romano!

Work Text:

Feeling out of place was not exactly new for Steve. When he had first joined the Army, it was very clear he didn’t belong. But he’d fought and over time won people’s respect. And then he agreed to get the serum injected and had to do it all over again.

Now, sitting in front of a man who had introduced himself as Fury, Steve wasn’t sure he had it in him to go through the whole procedure again. He was tired of fighting for people’s respect. He was tired of fighting. And just tired.

Fury had told him about an organization called S.H.I.E.L.D. and his plan of assembling a group of people who could protect others and were willing to risk their lives. Fury had told Steve he needed him, needed Captain America on his side and on his team. He even promised to give him his shield back.

Steve listened, because his mother had taught him good manners and to not interrupt people when they talked. But then Fury finally stopped talking and looked at Steve expectantly.

Steve looked at his eye, took a deep breath, and said, “I appreciate your offer, but I’ll pass. I’m not Captain America anymore and I don’t think I want to fight your battles for you.” He gestured through the room. “It seems like you’re well-equipped and have a team of people who are more than willing to do that. But I can’t be your man. And if you have nothing else to add, I’d like to leave now.”

Fury stared at him like he’d never heard a person declining an offer he made. “You’re serious?” Fury asked and Steve nodded.

“I served and fulfilled my duty to the best of my ability. Whatever battles are currently being fought, they’re not mine.”

“And what are you planning to do now?”

“I don’t owe you an explanation, Fury,” Steve said flatly.

“Fine. You’re not a prisoner, you can of course leave at any time. If you happen to change your mind–”

“I won’t,” Steve interrupted, determined. “I’m sorry if I wasted your time.”

Then Steve got up and left Fury’s office.

 


 

“You think that’s it? That you can just walk out of here?”

Steve turned to look at a red-haired woman leaning on the wall next to the office.

“I’m a free man, so yes, I can.”

“And then straight to a shelter, because you have no money and no ID?”

“I’ll be fine,” Steve said, although a part of him knew she had a point.

“Honestly, I don’t doubt that. But wouldn’t you agree that a little help could be nice? Especially from someone who grew up in this century?”

Steve hesitated. “Why would you want to help me?”

“Because I have a thing for lost puppies,” she said with a wink, then held her hand out to Steve. “My name’s Natasha. And if you let me be your guide through the 21st century, you will realize how helpful I can really be.”

Steve shook her hand. “And then you’ll tell Fury everything you helped me with?”

“Nah. If he needs info about you, he’ll find a way of getting it. No need to ask me to disclose anything,” Natasha shrugged.

“Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me yet, I haven’t done anything. But we’ve got work to do!” She clapped her hands once. “We should start with getting you an official ID. If you wanna rent an apartment or get a job, they’ll want to see that. You can pick whatever name you like, it doesn’t have to be your real one. But if you decide on a new name, make sure to actually use it.”

“I’ll think about it.”

“Great. Let me know when you’ve made your decision,” Natasha said and held out her hand.

Steve stared at it, not knowing what she wanted him to do.

“Your phone, Steve. You need my number to be able to call or message me.”

Steve handed her his phone and she gave it back what seemed like only a second later. Steve had no idea how Natasha could navigate his phone so quickly and type in her number. He wondered if he would ever be this quick with a modern technical device. He could only hope, really.

 


 

In the end, Steve decided against changing his name. It wasn’t super generic—not like the poor fella’s name he knew in Basic whose name was John Smith—but not unique either. And maybe people in the current generation wouldn’t even remember Captain America’s real name. Depending on the situation, he was either Steve or Mr. Rogers anyway. His full name was hardly relevant. He’d be fine.

Natasha turned out to be a true blessing for Steve. She organized him a Social Security number and a bank account in a ridiculously short amount of time. How? Steve had no idea and he wasn’t sure he wanted to know. She also introduced him to a renting agent while letting him stay at her place temporarily.

“I could’ve organized you an apartment, you know,” Natasha said after the agent left with a bunch of notes on Steve’s wishes and requirements for his new home.

“I know, Nat, but this is my first time looking for an apartment. I think it’s an experience and could be fun.”

Natasha snorted. “You’re probably the only person in New York who thinks looking for an affordable apartment here is fun. But you do you. Just don’t forget to invite me to your house warming party.”

Steve laughed. “Sure, you’ll be the only one there anyway.”

“Oh c’mon, I’m certain you will find friends in no time. Bet you’re the chillest neighbour, too.”

“First, I need an apartment,” Steve said. “Then I’ll think about what kind of neighbour I want to be.”

 


 

As it turned out, apartment hunting was quite the experience. And Steve actually ended up enjoying it. He took Nat’s advice on how to fill in the papers and information (which meant putting in S.H.I.E.L.D. for pretty much everything) and immediately fell in love with a small apartment in Brooklyn. Nat complained because it wasn’t close to hers, but nodded approvingly the first time she set foot into his new place.

Natasha went shopping with him for furniture, technology, and even decorations. It became a proper home surprisingly quickly. And when Steve officially invited Nat over for pizza and tea as a house warming party, she showed up with what she called ‘the finishing touch’ – a drawing tablet.  

“What is this?” Steve asked curiously, turning the tablet in his hands.

“A new way to make art. The paper and all utensils are purely digital. You only need one pen for everything and it’s already included. As I said, purely digital. Might take some time to get used to it, but I’ve been told it’s very fun for artists. You can try a lot of brushes and colours without paying for anything. Even if you simply try it as an addition for your traditional art, I’m sure you can find some use for it.”

Steve’s eyes widened more and more with every sentence Nat spoke about the tablet. All of this sounded awesome and he told her as much. Then he drew her into a hug with an honest “Thank you so much”.

Natasha laughed. “No problem, Steve. No problem.”

“Are you gonna help me set it up?” Steve asked after their dinner.

“Sure. Shouldn’t be too difficult.”

It wasn’t. But hardly anything technical that Natasha touched was difficult for her to use or set up. It was pretty fascinating to Steve.

“I’m thinking about applying for college,” Steve said, drawing lines with all kinds of brushes on his tablet with childlike wonder. He didn’t look up, suddenly self-conscious. He’d been toying with the college idea for a while now, but telling Nat about it made it a lot more serious, real even.

“That’s a good idea,” she said and Steve looked up to try to read in her face whether or not she meant it. The way Natasha smiled at him seemed so genuine, it warmed Steve’s heart.

“Yeah?” he asked anyway.

“Yeah. You’re interested in studying? Do it. They ask why you didn’t start earlier? You were in the Army. Simple as that. And they’re gonna love that you’re volunteering at the animal shelter.”

“Really? I just walk dogs,” Steve said and furrowed his brows.

“You walk dogs for free and you have no obligation to do it since they’re not yours. Maybe it’s not a big deal for you, but for the people at the shelter and especially the dogs you’re helping so much. The rounds or playtime wouldn’t be half as long if it wasn’t for you, don’t forget that.”

“They’re good company,” Steve said with a smile. “Hopefully I can adopt one after college, when I feel more settled and have a proper daily schedule to follow.”

“I bet you’re gonna be the best dog dad anyone could wish for.”

 


 

Steve applied to several colleges for an art degree and got accepted into two. Natasha had been right again. Explaining his age with his Army time was a piece of cake and they did love his volunteer work as well.

He was even offered a scholarship if he agreed to play for the football team, but he politely declined. He didn’t want to deal with hard trainings and football games. He wanted to create art and he needed time for a job. With his age and his Army background, he had the feeling they would want him to be responsible for the youngsters and probably put him on a pedestal for his fitness. He would’ve hated everything about this considering how much he already hated the idea of it.

When his first semester started and he got his schedule for his classes, Steve started applying for jobs. He didn’t have qualifications for a lot of jobs, but he didn’t want to rule out everything just because he thought he wasn’t qualified. Steve was a fast learner after all. He could probably do most entry-level jobs; the question was if he wanted to.

There was a tall building he always saw on his way to college – an office building towering over most others. It was the headquarters of Stark Industries, the so called Stark Tower. Steve had googled it the first time he saw the name and already knew that the company was now run by Howard’s son Tony. Steve had to admit he was intrigued. It felt like a connection to his past, even when his research told him Howard had died a long time ago.

Stark Industries was always looking for new employees and they offered a lot of different kind of jobs, apprenticeships, and internships. Steve was hesitant to apply to any of those positions. This was a billion-dollar-company focused on scientific research. What was a first semester art student like Steve supposed to do there? What did he have to offer? Not much, he had to admit. But he also didn’t have anything to lose, so Steve applied.

 


 

He got accepted for a paid design internship.

Steve honestly had no idea how. He had been so nervous during the interview, he was convinced all of his answers were stuttered or generic. He had never been naturally charming and all the people there intimidated him. There had also been a group task and even though Steve knew he could shine by taking the lead and show his strategical thinking, he had decided against it. He didn’t want to give the literal kids the feeling of being bossed around only because he was the oldest one of them. He had stayed mostly quiet and listened, only gave his input when directly asked, and merely offered to present their group’s solution. But one teenager said they would do it and Steve nodded and let them do the task without arguing.

On the day he had his appointment to sign the contract he couldn’t help but ask why he got accepted when he recognized one of the interviewers.

She smiled at him, not the least bit surprised, and said, “These group tasks are not only meant to tell us what input you give in a bigger project, you know? It’s also about how you work with others, how you react to their suggestions, which role you take in a group, and so on. We had people in the room who only focused on your body language and facial expression, actually.”

“They did?” Steve asked, surprised.

“Of course. This can show us a lot. You held back on purpose, everyone noticed it. It’s not like you couldn’t have made your voice heard against half a dozen teenagers, you actively decided not to. Your mandatory input at the end was enough to figure out that you’d been listening carefully the whole time.”

“Least I could do,” Steve said.

“We know about your military background and your general curriculum vita, Mr. Rogers. It’s probably a weird situation, to be applying for a position high schoolers are also interested in. But you took it in stride, put yourself out there and tried to blend in. It also helped us to see how the kids react to an adult in the group and how they stand up against you. We got so much important information and we really have to thank you for that.”

With a moment of hesitation, Steve said, “You’re welcome, I guess?”

The woman laughed a little. “If it helps, I had already decided to give you one of the internships before the group task started. The interview was only a formality to see if your personality fits the company.”

“You decided… because I’m a veteran?”

“Yes, but please don’t think it was the only reason we offered you a position. You see, if someone who has spent quite a few years of their life in the Army then decides to go to college and pursue art as a profession, that’s pretty admirable. And Stark Industries supports the unconventional. You will fit in here perfectly fine, I’m sure.”

Steve was stunned. He hadn’t expected any of that, but he was glad he’d gotten answers.

“Thank you so much. I won’t disappoint you and your trust in me,” he said and couldn’t wait to finally start working here.  

 


 

A couple months passed.

Steve went to college and to work and to the animal shelter and even to a community centre for veterans. He couldn’t tell them World War II stories, they wouldn’t believe him anyway considering his age, but he could sit between people who kind of understood him and listen. It was therapeutic for him even when he never said anything. And Sam, the guy who led these sessions, was a veteran himself and a really good guy. He was not much older than Steve and they started hanging out sometimes.

Stark Industries was still an incredible place to work. Everyone seemed so dedicated and smart and ambitious, it truly reminded him of Howard and his vision for the future. Steve had even seen Tony Stark a few times in passing or when he made his rounds and talked to Steve’s superior in the office, but he hadn’t talked to him more than a greeting in passing. He wasn’t even sure Tony, who insisted on being called by his first name, had actually noticed him during these times.

Steve had noticed him all the more.   

Of course Steve had heard about Tony’s playboy image and there were also tons of pictures of him on the internet and in newspapers. But the first time he laid eyes on him in person, Steve had a new understanding of people’s obsession with Tony Stark as a person, not only the genius business man that he was.

He was incredibly handsome in his tailored suit and with his beard and hair perfectly styled. He radiated authority and classiness. Steve had a hard time imagining the same guy in a workshop with dirt under his nails and oil on his hands while connecting cables for new technical devices. Steve knew this was part of Tony’s work, but it felt very far away from him. Had anyone ever seen him work in the workshop?

Steve always tried not to stare at Tony, tried not to imagine how his hands would feel on his naked skin or how his beard scratched his face when they kissed… but he was just a man and he had eyes. He couldn’t ignore what was right in front of him, yet so far away. A fantasy that many people had in this company, Steve was sure.

And if he sometimes thought about Tony when he pleasured himself at night, that was nobody’s business but his own.

One time on his way to the office, Steve spotted Tony accompanied by a teenage boy, chatting with him animatedly. Tony even clapped his shoulder and laughed. It seemed familiar, close. The boy had a backpack on his back as if he had decided to stop by after school. Steve was fascinated by the scene, even slowed his steps to watch them for a moment longer. He made a mental note to google if Tony had children.

According to Google, he did not.

Steve couldn’t help but wonder whose kid it was then. Would Natasha know something? She usually had more information about pretty much anyone than the public did. But the longer Steve thought about it, the worse he felt. What on Earth was he doing? He was trying to figure out something about the private life of his boss. Curiosity was fine, but this was the kind of gossip he personally had despised back in the day. The public had always wanted to know too much about him or his relationship to certain people. It had always been tiring, because Steve valued his privacy. The least he could do was value Tony’s as well.

Steve focused more on his work and being a professional and tried to quell his curiosity as best as he could. He had also decided not to tell Nat or Sam about his obsession with Tony. They would probably both tell him he was a foolish dreamer anyway. And of course they would be right.

His superior had chosen Steve to be a part of a bigger project and a lot of his time and focus went into that. A part of him was giddy about the opportunity. He knew he had been getting better with the drawing tablet and the various programs they used at work, but he hadn’t expected to get roped into an important design project already.

It was also his task to prepare the presentation for the people in higher positions. Suddenly Steve wondered if Tony would be there for the presentation. It made no sense for Steve to think about this eventuality since he wasn’t gonna be the one giving the presentation. He wouldn’t even be in the room when it happened. But the simple idea that Tony could see part of his work was enough to make him feel things he didn’t want to feel.

The day of the presentation came and when Steve stepped into the office, someone unfamiliar to him seemed to be waiting for him.

“Mr. Rogers?” the red-haired woman asked with a serious expression.

“That’s me, yes,” Steve confirmed, briefly wondering if the presentation had been so terrible he would get fired for it.

“Wonderful. I’m Pepper Potts. Mr. Tanner had to leave due to a family emergency, but he told me that you would be able to give the presentation instead. Follow me, please.”

Steve’s eyes widened as she simply turned around, expecting him to follow. Steve did, but his mind was racing.

“Miss Potts, there is something you should know,” he started. “I made the presentation for Mr. Tanner, but…”

“But what?” she asked, not unkindly and not stopping on their way.

“I’m an intern. And a college student. Maybe I shouldn’t be the one to give an important presentation?”

That made her pause for a moment.

“You’ve given presentations before, right? At college?”

“Of course,” Steve confirmed.

She nodded, then started walking again.

“That’s good enough for me. Also, Mr. Tanner specifically recommended you. I trust his judgement and so should you.”

“I do appreciate it,” Steve said, having no problems with following Miss Potts through the hallways, but also staying a step behind her.

She led him to a big conference room and gestured to the lectern in front. Everything was already set up. Mr. Tanner must have gotten the call pretty much right before he could start.

Miss Potts stood in front of them and said, “Thank you all for waiting. I hope you all enjoyed your coffee in the meantime. Mr. Rogers will now take Mr. Tanner’s place for today’s presentation. I expect none of you to judge the work differently due to the delay or another presenter, but I would like to remind you that our design department has been working tirelessly over the last weeks to implement all your wishes. Thank you again. The stage is yours, Mr. Rogers.”

She smiled encouragingly at him and left the room.

Steve felt not prepared at all when he looked from the door to the laptop with his presentation in front of him. He cleared his throat and looked up with what was hopefully a charming smile only to have it almost slip from his face when he spotted Tony at the end of the table.

Shit.

Not only was this the first time Tony would actually notice his work, but also it was the first time Tony was seeing him. He should be excited about it, but the way Tony was looking at him made Steve’s stomach turn, and not in a good way. Tony’s face was carefully blank, not conveying any emotions – and it looked like it was on purpose. It didn’t even look like his usual business face, because Steve had seen that. He knew how Tony usually talked to people about business and how he looked when doing so. Something was off and Steve had no idea what it was.

But it had to wait, because Steve had a job to do and he couldn’t disappoint Mr. Tanner’s trust. He took a steadying breath and cleared his throat again, then started.

 


 

Steve hadn’t naively expected applause for his presentation, but the eerie silence afterwards was the worst. He didn’t know what to say or do anymore and waited for any kind of reaction, even an instant dismissal. Anything would be better than a bunch of people staring at him in silence.

It was Tony who saved him with a stern, “Thank you, Mr. Rogers, and everyone else for taking the time to come here. You’re free to leave now; I’m sure you all have other important tasks to fulfil.”

People murmured and nodded and Steve hurried to pack up his notes. He felt completely out of place once again and didn’t want to spend any longer in this conference room than absolute necessary.

“Please wait a minute, Mr. Rogers, I would like to talk to you,” Tony said when Steve was ready to bolt and hide in his office for the rest of the day.

Steve suppressed a sigh and planted his feet, watching the door longingly as the last people left. 

Tony closed the door behind the last person and to Steve’s horror and surprise, locked it.

Then he turned around to Steve, arms crossed, his face no longer blank, but openly annoyed, angry even. Steve had no idea what was going on, but his instincts were running wild. He would fight if he had to. He was not Captain America anymore, but he still had his strength. He could fight. And Tony was shorter than him and hopefully not wearing an Iron Man suit underneath his business suit.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing, Rogers?” Tony asked and Steve’s blood ran cold. No niceties anymore, just anger.

“Tony… Sir. I apologize if the presentation was not to your satisfaction, but please keep in mind that I wasn’t supposed to give it, Mr. Tanner was. I’m just an intern working in the design–“

“Cut the crap,” Tony interrupted and Steve stopped talking.

“I’m afraid I don’t understand,” Steve said, helpless.             

“Did Fury send you?”

How did Tony even know that he had met Fury?

“I don’t follow. Yes, I’ve met Nick Fury once, but that was months ago. I’m a college student who works at Stark Industries part-time.”

Tony didn’t look convinced. He was studying Steve’s face like he was trying to figure out if he was being lied to. Steve was a terrible liar anyway and his face was an open book. He hoped Tony could see that as well.

“What do you do when you’re not working or studying?” Tony demanded.

“I hang out with my friends, I read a lot, I walk the dogs from the animal shelter down the street…? I really don’t know what you want to hear from me.”

“I want to hear the reason why Captain America of all people suddenly gives presentations at my company!”

Oh.

So that was the issue. Tony had recognized him. But was it really such a big deal? For a moment Steve considered denying it, but there was probably no use the way Tony looked at him and had most likely figured out everything.

Steve sighed and said, “Yes, that’s what people used to call me a long, long time ago. But I frankly don’t understand your problem. Everyone knows Captain America’s been dead for decades. Rogers isn’t an uncommon name. I swear on my beloved mother I won’t cause you or your company any trouble. I haven’t since I started working here and I’m gonna keep it that way.”

Steve knew he sounded a little too desperate at the end, but he needed Tony to understand. This was too important. He loved this job and he also needed the money for his college tuition.

Tony pinched the bridge of his nose for a moment before pushing his glasses all the way up again, then he sighed. “You’re not working for Fury?”  

“Never have and never will.”

“So you, what, simply told him you don’t wanna be Captain America anymore and he let you go without complain?”

“Well,” Steve said. “He did complain, but what’s he gonna do? Force me? I’m an adult after all.”

“What if America needs a hero again?”

Steve scoffed. “Aren’t you one?”

“Touché. I mean, can you stand there and watch when terrible things happen? When you could actually help?”

“I can. I’ve served my time in the Army, Tony. I’m not responsible for every single life around me.”

“That sounds like something a therapist would say,” he mused.

“I’ve been talking to veterans and I have a friend who is one as well. It’s hard to shake that feeling when you leave, but it’s not impossible. You serve your time and then you try to leave it behind and start something new. It’s not an easy journey, but it’s worth it. I’m not the superhero anymore that people worshipped. As I told you, I’m a college student with a part-time job.”

“Does it make you happy?” Tony asked and Steve smiled.

“It does, yes. This is my second chance and I’m not gonna throw it away carelessly.”

“Alright,” Tony said and seemed to have made a decision. “I have one final question before I let you off the hook.”

“Yes?”

“Would you have dinner with me sometime to continue this conversation? I actually have tons more questions, but if I don’t get back to work soon, Pepper will have my head.”

“You won’t fire me?”

“Not if you don’t cause trouble,” Tony said with a shrug.

“Thank you. And sure, dinner sounds nice.”

“Perfect. I need to check my schedule and send you an email then.”

Steve nodded with a relieved smile and Tony unlocked the door he had blocked the whole time and took a step aside.

Before Steve left, he turned to Tony once more.

“Was my presentation actually that terrible or was that normal behaviour from the other people in the room?”

Tony laughed at that. Actually laughed, and Steve’s heart fluttered a little.

“Don’t worry, Steve, you did really well. They’re just stuck-up business people who think showing a positive reaction or their appreciation for other people’s work would stab them in the back at some point. Tell Mr. Tanner he made the right decision by letting you substitute for him.”

“Thanks, I appreciate it,” Steve said and then finally left the conference room.

 


 

Steve could hardly focus on work after that. A lot of things were on his mind. The presentation. Tony’s confrontation. The dinner invitation. It was a lot, and all of it unexpected. How was he supposed to work when Tony was interested in another conversation with him? If Steve didn’t know better, he’d say Tony asked him for a date. It wasn’t, of course. But the idea was nice nonetheless.

Waiting on the promised email by Tony was probably the worst. What if Tony hadn’t been serious about dinner? Or had changed his mind? What if he simply didn’t have time for Steve? Steve could hardly believe he was very high up on Tony’s priority list.

An hour passed.

Then another.

By the third hour Steve was almost certain Tony had forgotten about him.

Then his PC informed him about a high-priority email. 

Tony.

‘Sorry it took so long, but Pepper held me hostage with paperwork.

Here’s the location of the restaurant and my number in case you can’t find it or something.

See you at 7.

– TS’  

Below the signature was a little map with a marked spot and the name of an Italian restaurant. And Tony’s number. Steve stared at it. Was this really his number? And if it was, was it his work phone or private? Steve tried not to freak out if the latter was the case, but he couldn’t not freak out either. Everything about the situation seemed surreal. What he knew though, was that he would have dinner with Tony today. He would figure out the rest.

 


 

When Steve entered the restaurant, only three minutes before seven to not appear desperate (nobody had to know that he had been in the street for almost an hour and had been at a café drinking coffee), he immediately noticed two things: one, the restaurant was not as fancy as he’d feared and he was glad that he didn’t have to feel underdressed; and two, Tony was not there yet.    

A waiter approached him with a smile and said, “Mr. Stark is expecting you. Please follow me to your table, sir.”

Surprised, Steve followed the waiter and surely, around a corner, in a little nook he hadn’t been able to see from the entry, Tony was already sitting, a half-empty bottle of water in front of him. For how long had he been here?

Steve sat down opposite Tony. Tony smiled at him, then at the waiter and said, “Thank you, Charlie. We’d like the menu now. And a bottle of… wait, Steve, do you drink?”

“I don’t, no.”

Drinking had lost its appeal to Steve when the serum caused him to not get drunk anymore. For some it would be a bigger advantage, but not for him. If he couldn’t drink to forget or to stop thinking for a little while, what was the point? 

“Then nevermind. Only the menu,” Tony said and Charlie scurried away with a nod.

They got the menu and while Steve was still wondering for how long Tony had waited on him, he had to remind himself there was no reason for him to be nervous. This was not a dinner date. Only dinner, no date. Simple. It was just his boss inviting him to dinner to talk non-business.

“Anything you can recommend?” Steve asked after a bit. “I have the feeling you’ve been here before.”

“That’s true. It’s cozy here, and private. And they make great pizza. Also, even the pasta is homemade if that’s important to you.”

It wasn’t. He lived through the Great Depression and pasta had always been cheap. He couldn’t care less whether or not it was homemade.

“I don’t think I would be able to appreciate the difference,” Steve said instead and turned another page on the menu.

In the end, they both picked pizzas and cocktails without alcohol. Steve had told Tony he didn’t mind if he drank, but Tony had waved it away saying drinking alone was boring.

They ate and they talked and time flew quickly. Steve had fun. Tony was easy to talk to when there weren’t hundreds of other people around him who also wanted to talk to him. Steve had expected Tony to at least check his phone once in a while, but he didn’t. It made Steve feel special in a way, having Tony’s undivided attention for himself, even it was only for a few hours.

Tony had also not been lying when he said he had tons of questions about how Steve’s situation even started, but Steve didn’t mind. He didn’t have many people he could openly and honestly talk to about his past. And Tony understood him. Steve even learned that Tony knew Natasha.

“Yeah, pretty redhead, worked briefly for me, only to almost kill me and tell me she works for Fury.”

Steve’s eyes widened. “She tried to kill you?”

“Well, I was already dying at that time, so she didn’t really make it worse. But I thought she would.”

“I… am not sure I get what you’re saying, but Nat is a very good friend of mine. She’s helped me a lot while I settled in.”

Tony smiled. “That’s okay. It’s a long and complicated story. But hey, maybe I’ll tell you eventually. I’m glad she could help you. Bet not all of it was legal.”

Steve laughed. “No, definitely not. But to be fair, it’d be kinda complicated to walk around with an ID that says I was born in 1918. Not that any office would believe that anyway if I’m sitting in front of them.”

“Oh yeah, for sure. Not saying it’s a bad thing not everything’s legal. Natasha is competent.”

“She really is,” Steve said with a smile. He was so lucky to have met Nat and that she had been willing to help him despite her working for Fury.

After Tony insisted this place had the best tiramisu Steve would ever eat, they even had dessert. Not shared, of course, since this wasn’t a date. And Steve had to admit, after only two spoonfuls, Tony was right. The tiramisu was delicious.

When Tony excused himself to use the bathroom, Steve watched him for a moment, then turned to the window and took a deep breath. How was he supposed to sleep tonight after this day? Everything came unexpected and he rushed from one stressful event to the next. And yet, the dinner with Tony made everything worth it.

He wasn’t naïve though. He knew everyone always wanted something from Tony and he was a busy man. Steve wasn’t special. Tony had simply wanted answers after recognizing him at the meeting, which was fine. They would part ways soon and tomorrow they wouldn’t even speak to each other again. Back to status quo.

“Ready to leave?” Tony asked when he returned and Steve frowned.

“We still need to pay.”

“Already did,” Tony said with a wink.

Steve rolled his eyes and huffed. “I work at Stark Industries, I can pay for my own food.”

“I know, but you’re also a student and they’re always broke, because college fees are eating them alive. It’s too late now anyway.”

Steve wanted to continue arguing, but Tony was right. There was no point in doing so when the bill was already paid.

“Fine. Thank you,” Steve said and followed Tony outside where his driver was already waiting for him.

“Hop in,” Tony said. “Happy will drive you home, too. And no back talk, you have to get up early tomorrow.”

“Alright, alright,” Steve laughed and got in the car.

It wasn’t a long ride, but he enjoyed being around Tony for a bit longer. It was more than Steve could have ever asked for, really. A part of Steve reminded him that Tony seemed to enjoy his presence as well. He had had the chance to part with him already, but he didn’t. Steve couldn’t believe he offered everyone he had dinner with a ride home.

They didn’t even separate when they arrived at Steve’s place. Tony got out of the car with him and then followed him all the way up to his floor until they stood in front of Steve’s door.

“Thank you for the dinner, Tony. And for the ride home,” Steve said, then added with a grin, “And thanks for not firing me for, you know, my past.”

Tony laughed. “If it’s not relevant to you anymore, it isn’t for me either. Thank you for patiently answering all my annoying questions.”

“They weren’t annoying at all. It’s just been a while since I could talk openly about all of this to someone. I had a nice evening.”

Steve smiled at Tony and then stretched his hand out to him to say goodbye. Tony looked at it for a moment and then took it. Steve liked the strong grip and how calloused Tony’s hand felt in his.

But when Steve wanted to draw his hand back, Tony held on. Steve shot him a confused look, but before he could say anything, Tony had already pulled him forward and into a kiss. Steve was surprised, shocked even, then melted into it. The sensation was incredible; every part of Steve suddenly felt warm.

Unfortunately, Steve’s brain couldn’t shut up for long. And he was suddenly reminded that he was kissing his boss. Everything about this was a terrible idea if he wanted to keep his job. It was wrong and Steve should’ve never allowed it in the first place.

He stopped the kiss and also drew his hand back. The warmth Steve had felt disappeared with the loss of contact.

“Tony, I’m… flattered, truly,” he started and knew he was going to hate himself for his next words, but said them anyway, “But this isn’t right. You’re my boss and this is inappropriate.”

Tony took a step back at Steve’s words and Steve could see how he schooled his features before saying, “Of course, you’re right. My apologies for making you uncomfortable. Thanks again for dinner, Steve.”

Then Steve watched Tony hurry downstairs without another word.

Steve wanted to scream. He wanted to bash his head against the door, punch a wall, anything. He knew he had made the right decision, but why did it not feel like it?

 


 

After a sleepless night, Steve felt even worse than the moment he rejected Tony. He considered staying in bed and skipping his morning lecture, but then reason won and he got up to take a shower.

He messaged Nat on his way to class, asking her if she would walk the dogs from the shelter with him in the afternoon. She responded almost instantly, as if she had already waited for a message from him. Maybe she had a sixth sense for being needed. Maybe she had simply waited on any message to escape Fury today. Who knew.

They met at the shelter and while walking through the park, Steve told Nat everything – from his crush on Tony he had developed very early on, over the presentation and Tony’s reaction, all the way to the dinner and the kiss that Tony had initiated.

Natasha listened and nodded along and when Steve was finished, she straight up told him he was an idiot.

“What do you mean I’m an idiot? He’s my boss, Nat! What else was I supposed to do?”

“Ask him inside for example? Live a little? You’re the one who has been talking about a second chance at life for months. And now that an opportunity is right in front of you, you push it away. Real smart of you.”

“You can’t be serious,” Steve deadpanned.

“Sure am. It’s not like you’re working together. You hardly see each other at SI. He didn’t know you existed until yesterday. Also, in case you didn’t know: Tony’s ex Pepper Potts works for him as well, as his personal assistant. Their relationship was never an issue.”

Steve was quiet for a bit after that and Nat playfully bumped her shoulder into his.

“I know you’re afraid, Steve. But taking risks is necessary sometimes. And I know you know that.”

Steve sighed and let his head drop to her shoulder, then mumbled, “I was never good at these kinds of relationships. And… I don’t know. I thought if I met someone it would be at a college party or something. Easy and fun.”

Natasha carded her fingers through his hair soothingly. “In an ideal scenario, that would have happened. But we can adjust. Have to, even.”

“I think I’ve successfully ruined my already tiny chance with Tony,” Steve said, and he knew he sounded whiny.

“I’m sure you’ll get a chance to talk to him again soon. And then you can work it out from there. It’s gonna be fine.”

Nat said it like she meant it and Steve nodded. He believed Natasha and he trusted her. She gave him a feeling of comfort and safety and Steve once again felt very grateful for having a friend like her.

 


 

Steve didn’t see Tony again for what felt like forever, but was actually about two weeks. Then Tony showed up with Mr. Tanner in his office, but he didn’t even look at Steve when he greeted the people in the room. They were back at square one and Steve wished he’d never rejected Tony.

A few times Steve considered messaging the phone number Tony had given him, but Steve told himself he wasn’t that desperate. He also didn’t want to make Tony uncomfortable by using his number when it was clear it wouldn’t be welcome.

He knew he needed to focus on his job and studies. It was just… difficult. Steve had a really good memory and the dinner with Tony was on his mind a lot. And the way Tony’s hand felt in his, and Tony’s lips on Steve’s… Now that he knew how that felt, it was impossible for Steve to forget. It was no longer a fantasy of his, it had actually happened. But he wasn’t sure if it was actually better considering the situation he had found himself in.

He got good news when Mr. Tanner told the whole office that their project—the one Steve had presented—was finally approved. Mr. Tanner clapped Steve’s shoulder and told him how proud he was of him, and Steve could have sworn he started blushing even if he couldn’t see himself. The way he felt his cheeks warm up was probably a good enough indication.

Shortly before the end of their workday, Tony suddenly showed up in the office and told the group he had organized celebratory pizza for all. Everyone cheered, but Steve could only stare as Tony loaded a bunch of pizza boxes on a table.

“I’ll leave you folks to it, then. Enjoy your pizza and your evening!” Tony said and then turned around to leave the office.

Steve started to panic. This was his chance. He couldn’t let Tony leave without talking to him. He couldn’t. Steve stood up, with a single focus, and almost sprinted to the door Tony had just closed behind him.

He spotted Tony on his way to the next elevator and hurried. “Tony, wait a second. Please.”

Tony made another step or two, then stopped and turned around to Steve, his face neutral like the last time they had seen each other eye to eye. “What’s the matter, Steve?”

Steve wanted to apologize. He wanted to tell Tony he had made a mistake, that he never wanted them to go back to boss–employee relationship. He wanted to tell him he thought about him, the kiss, his number in his phone, still unused, because he didn’t want to risk making the situation worse.

What Steve actually said was, “Go on a date with me.”

Steve wanted to facepalm himself for that. Tony stared at him like he had lost his mind, but didn’t say anything at first.

Then, he took a few deep breaths and said, “After our dinner the other day, you made it very clear that it’s not a good idea. You even called it ‘inappropriate’.”

“I was an idiot,” Steve said. “Still am. And my mind got in the way. But believe me, I did enjoy the kiss. And the dinner. The whole evening. And I would like to repeat it, if you’re up for it.”

“Why didn’t you call? Or message me?” Tony asked and Steve could hear the accusation in his voice. “I would’ve understood that you panicked that night, but I thought a day or two later, you had enough time to think about it and make up your mind or something. It was on you to contact me again, not me you, after your rejection.”

Steve winced. “I know. I thought you wouldn’t want me to bother you and I didn’t want to make things worse. Guess I made things worse by not doing anything.”

“Yup,” Tony said, snapping off the ‘p’.

“I’m very sorry, Tony. I understand if you don’t want to go out with me or would rather forget about that night, but if there is just the tiniest hope of you giving me a proper chance, I’ll gladly take it. And I’m happy to wait.”

Steve could see Tony think and he could sense the hesitation even before Tony asked, “And you’re sure you want to give this a proper try?”

“I am,” Steve confirmed without having to think about it.

“Okay. Let’s try this again, then. Dinner on Friday evening?”

“Sounds great.”

Tony gave him a small smile, the first one since that dreadful moment he had left Steve standing in his hallway, and Steve almost melted.

“Am I allowed to message you before then?” Steve asked and Tony’s smile widened a fraction.

“Of course. I’d be happy to hear from you. But now you should get back to your colleagues before you don’t get a single slice of pizza to celebrate with.”

“I will,” Steve promised and was certain Tony understood he wasn’t only talking about the pizza.  

 


 

Steve was a man of his word, so he kept his promise and messaged Tony, mostly at very random times, until Friday. Basically, whenever Tony crossed his mind, though Tony didn’t have to know about that. Not now, at least. Steve messaged him when his lectures bored him or when he couldn’t sleep. Sometimes he sent him cute pictures of the shelter dogs. And Tony always responded, so Steve wasn’t worried about getting on his nerves.

They had agreed on a restaurant and a quarter to seven Steve was standing in front of the building, shooting Tony a message that he was waiting outside and that he was happy that their official dinner date was happening.

The clock struck seven.

Then a quarter past.

Then half past.

Steve had messaged Tony a few times, but had not received a response. His messages went through—Tony hadn’t suddenly decided to block him—but Steve couldn’t help but wonder if Tony was actually playing a cruel game. Maybe this was his revenge. Maybe he had only agreed to the date to get back at Steve for the rejection. Maybe he had never been serious about today.

Steve’s vision blurred and he tried to pretend it was from the wind and nothing else. He waited until eight o’clock, even though he had no hope left and their reservation was long gone by now. A stubborn part of him refused to believe he’d been stood up.

But he was. Steve let Tony know that he was going home, but then he didn’t actually go home. He went to Stark Industries instead. Maybe he could do some work to distract himself or something. Steve wasn’t sure what else to do. He only knew he didn’t want to go home and wallow in his self-pity.

He went to his office, which was unsurprisingly empty on a Friday evening, and started a fruitless attempt to work. Steve let out a frustrated breath, then got up and walked to one of the elevators. Tony had told him he could talk to J.A.R.V.I.S. in the elevator, but he didn’t have any reason to. Until now.

“J.A.R.V.I.S.?” he asked and looked up at the ceiling of the elevator.

“Yes, Mr. Rogers?”

Steve took a deep breath. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know the answer, but asked anyway, “Is Tony Stark in the building?”   

“He is,” J.A.R.V.I.S. confirmed dutifully.

Steve swallowed. Fuck.

“Can you… bring me to the floor where he is?”

“Of course.”

The elevator started moving upwards and Steve wasn’t sure he would be ready to face Tony. He couldn’t believe he did that to him, wasting his time, giving him hope, playing him like a goddamn fiddle with his messages. None of that was okay. Maybe Steve really needed to look for a new job soon.

The doors opened with a soft ‘ding’ and Steve found himself in front of a glass door – the entrance to Tony’s workshop, he assumed.

Without another word, the door in front of him opened as well, silently, and Steve could actually look inside the workshop. He spotted Tony almost immediately. But he wasn’t alone. Tony stood next to a table that was full of what looked like medical supplies. And on a chair in front of him sat a teenage boy that Steve recognized as the kid he had thought was Tony’s and then never figured out whose kid he actually was. He hadn’t asked Tony about him either.

The boy looked worse for wear, bloodied and bruised, and half-naked with his chest bare, letting Tony treat his injuries, as it seemed. He had his eyes closed while Tony took care of him and Steve stared at the scene until he finally found his voice again.

“What the fuck,” he said and both Tony and the boy looked at him in shock.

Tony looked at his watch and his eyes widened in realization. “Oh shit. Shit. I’m so sorry, Steve. I didn’t forget, I swear. Well, kinda did, but I was busy with the kid and–“

“Mr. Stark, I think you’re making it worse,” the boy said and Steve couldn’t agree more.

His head spun and he wasn’t sure if he was going to be sick. Steve grabbed the nearest chair and sat down. He closed his eyes for a moment and breathed. All of this could be explained, he told himself. Over and over, until he could think clearly again.

“You okay?” Tony asked him, worry clear in his voice.

“Think so. What about the kid?” Steve nodded toward the boy.

Tony rubbed a hand over his own forehead, then said, “Peter’s tougher than he looks. Gets in trouble often, though.”

“Hey!” Peter protested and then winced because of his injuries. He didn’t look good. And now Steve noticed that Peter was wearing some kind of… onesie?

“What are those clothes?” Steve asked.

Peter coughed. “Well, you see. I’m… uhm,” he stuttered.

“He’s a superhero, too,” Tony clarified and Peter’s eyes widened.

“You can’t just tell him that?!”

Tony looked at Steve expectantly and Steve knew he was giving him a chance to say as little or as much as he wanted to.

“We’re not that different then,” Steve said. “I used to be a hero as well, a long time ago. My name’s Steve Rogers, but most people called me Captain America.”

Steve smiled at Peter and Peter’s mouth dropped open.

“Holy cow! You’re Captain America?! That’s awesome, dude!”

“I was,” Steve corrected gently. “Now I’m just a college student.”

“For real?”

“For real.”

“Can I ask you some questions?” Peter asked and Steve could feel the excitement radiating off of him.

“Sure.”

“Perfect,” Tony said. “Keep the kid distracted while I finish treating his injuries. Do you think you can do that?”

“I guess?” Steve said, but one look at Peter told him that shouldn’t be a big issue.

 


 

Steve didn’t have to do much to keep Peter distracted, as it turned out. Peter asked him a lot of questions and when Steve wasn’t talking, Peter did. Steve was pretty sure he hardly noticed Tony dressing his wounds. He wondered if they hurt, but Peter didn’t look like he was in pain. And Steve didn’t want to ask and risk that being the moment when Peter’s body suddenly remembered, yes, that hurts.

When Tony seemed satisfied, he stood up and stretched for a moment.

“Is your aunt home tonight?” Tony asked Peter.

Peter shook his head. “Nope, nightshift.”

“Alright,” Tony sighed. “Let’s go upstairs. You need food to let your healing powers kick in and honestly–” He looked at Steve apologetically for a moment before continuing, “I could eat, too.”

“Can we order Thai?” Peter asked when he got up and pulled his suit back up over his chest.

“Do you like Thai food, Steve?” Tony asked and Steve couldn’t hide his surprise.

“Me?”

“Yeah. I still owe you a dinner tonight. And ordering in is the next best thing to eating at a restaurant. And I would like you to stay.”

Steve wanted to kiss Tony again just for that, but he held back. It was still the most wonderful thing to hear.

“Thai food is great,” he said. “And if you’d like me to stay, I’d love to do so.”

J.A.R.V.I.S. brought all of them upstairs to the penthouse and they ordered their food before Tony told Steve to get comfortable on one of the couches, and told Peter to go change. When he scurried away, Tony sighed.

“I’m sorry for the mess,” he said.

“He’s got clothes here?” Steve asked, completely ignoring the apology.

“Oh, yeah, his own room actually. Sometimes he works with me in the lab, sometimes his aunt is at work and he just stays over to get free food and a quiet place to study, and sometimes he does stupid things and gets hurt and needs someone to stitch him up – like today.”

“He’s lucky to know you,” Steve said with a smile.

“He’d probably be dead by now if he didn’t know me. I made the suit for him.”

“You did what?”

Tony carded a hand through his hair before answering, “It was the safest option. I found out about him because he was already Spider-Man, swinging around in his self-made onesie, getting in trouble while helping people. I knew I wouldn’t be able to stop him, so the least I could do was make his job safer.”

Steve thought about that for a moment, then said, “He’s so… young, Tony.”

“And incredibly stubborn.”

“But even with a suit from you, he gets hurt.”

“So do I, and my suit is completely made out of metal,” Tony reminded him. “Peter does have accelerated healing though, just like you. It helps keeping me sane thinking about him chasing criminals after school.”

“I bet you still worry about him all the time. You mentioned his aunt; does she know?”

“She does. She doesn’t approve, but she can’t stop him either. Trust me, I’ve talked to her about this a dozen times. No use. So we can only help him as best as we can. Or as best as he lets us. He’s a teenager after all.”

Steve laughed. “I bet that’s the biggest problem.”

“Definitely.”

Then Peter showed up again in the living room, not wearing his suit anymore. The oversized hoodie made him look even younger than he was. He also looked content when he flopped down on the couch and started typing on his phone. A moment later his grumbling stomach could be heard.

Steve chuckled and Tony shook his head with what Steve could tell was pure fondness.

“Food should be here soon,” Tony promised and Peter gave him a thumbs-up without looking up from his phone.

The food arrived not much later and they all stayed on the couch, watching a sitcom. Peter had suggested showing Steve Star Wars, but Tony had rolled his eyes and told him tonight was simply not a good night for that. Everything felt really warm and domestic. Steve liked that a lot.

Eventually Tony shooed Peter to his room and told him to at least lie in bed and rest even if he didn’t sleep. He also reminded him to message his aunt to let her know he slept at Tony’s place and to pick him up after her shift in the morning. Steve watched the scenario and smiled.

“I saw you with Peter once,” Steve said after Peter had disappeared with a wave.

“You did?”

“Yeah, in the hallway of SI. You two looked close. I thought he was your son and then spent a bunch of time trying to figure out whether or not you have kids.”

Tony laughed. “No biological kids, no. Just the bots in the workshop and Peter. They’re a big enough responsibility already, if you ask me. Especially Peter.”

“Of course. Well, Tony, I can’t say the evening passed as I expected, but I can’t complain either. But I think it’s time for me to leave now.”

“Orrrr,” Tony said, “you could stay the night as well?”

“After our non-date?” Steve smiled.

“We can still make up for it another time, if you still want to after I stood you up,” Tony said.

“Turned out, you had a very good reason to not show up. Of course Peter was more important than our dinner. I get that.”

“So you’d be up for another dinner?” Tony asked.

“Sure. Or lunch.” Then Steve took a step closer to Tony until he was in his personal space. “Or we could start with breakfast. Tomorrow morning, after Peter’s left. It’s Saturday, after all.”

Tony grabbed Steve’s hand with a grin and said, “I love how that sounds. May I kiss you without you pushing me away?”

“You may.”

This time, Steve willed his brain to shut up as Tony kissed him. It was soft, warm, and unhurried, and they weren’t even in a hallway where people could see them at any given moment. It was just them and this.

The kiss deepened and Steve let Tony’s tongue slip into his mouth and take whatever he wanted. It wasn’t like Steve didn’t get anything from it as well. He could feel his heart hammering in his chest and his cheeks heat up.

Only when Tony’s free hand slipped under his shirt, Steve murmured something unintelligible and Tony drew away.

“What?” he gasped.

“Nothing, just… Don’t you have a nicer place for us than the middle of the living room?” Steve smirked.

“Oooh, I do, my dear Steve. C’mon then, let me introduce you to the world of king size beds and satin sheets.”

And then Steve let Tony pull him by the hand he was still holding, to a room that was most definitely not a guest room, to keep his promise about luxury.