Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

May at some point turn this digital, but for now cope with my orange pencil to represent housing, biro for main buildings and sharpie for roads. I'll do my best to update this if any more information becomes relevant on the map.

Chapter Text

“You be owing,” Mopsy said menacingly to Dobby. “You be owing, and you be paying.”

“Not be owing,” Dobby scowled.

“You and baddest boy be owing,” Mopsy loomed over him. “You be paying before there be consequences.”

“Not be owing!” Dobby bared his teeth.

Mopsy bared hers, her hands becoming claws. “You be regretting if not be paying what is owed.”

“NOT BE OWING!”

Mopsy drifted into a Millicent smile, lazy, dangerous, promising of threats to come, and Dobby stiffened. “Not be owing.”

“You be waiting and seeing,” Mopsy expanded her presence until he flinched, laughing as he finally took a step back. “Maybe be hoping to find mercy.”

Dobby hissed, taking another step back. “Bad elf.”

“You be talking,” Mopsy laughed again, stalking forward. “Only one be owned, elf.”

“Dobby belong,” Dobby stopped moving backwards.

“Mopsy belongs, Dobby exists,” Mopsy sneered. “You be owing, you be paying soon enough. Else…”

She twitched as she heard her name be called. “You be thinking now.”

“Winky not be liking Hoggywarts,” Winky wailed into the arms of her bestest friend, Mopsy.

“Only bad elves likes it,” Mopsy agreed, patting Winky on back. “Mopsy be finding Mistress and leaving.”

“Mopsy be lucky,” Winky sobbed. “Mopsy be having nice things.”

“Mopsy be very lucky,” Mopsy agreed. “Mistress best Mistress.”

“I want best Mistress,” Winky collapsed.

“Mistress do be needing more elves,” Mopsy said with a thinking tone. “Mistress be having too much for one elf to be caring for.”

“Really?” Winky hiccuped. “Be needing more elves?”

“Mistress be trusting Mopsy in matters,” Mopsy preened. “Mopsy be head elf, but head elf of one.”

“Maybe Mopsy could be taking Winky?” Winky whispered.

“Mistress not be like Hogwarts,” Mopsy warned. “Mistress be… different.”

“Different in better way?” Winky whispered with wide swollen eyes.

“Mistress be best Mistress any elf ever have. Big estate, lots of magic, lots to be working on. Mistress trusts elves to be elves,” Mopsy said, checking to see if they were being observed. “Too much for Mopsy alone.”

“Mistress be trusting elves?” Winky gasped.

“Mopsy be trusted to run Mistress home,” Mopsy said proudly.

“Winky could be working with Mopsy?” Winky asked wonderingly.

“Mopsy be head elf,” Mopsy warned with a flash of her teeth.

“Mopsy be head elf,” Winky agreed instantly bobbing her head. “Mopsy be best head elf, better than head elf here.”

They both spat at the thought of Dinky the head elf of the kitchens. Worst head elf.

“Mopsy be thinking Winky be trying for summer?” Mopsy asked, chewing on her finger.

“Yes!” Winky started to bounce. “Winky be working for summer!”

Mopsy hummed. “Mopsy be courting, Winky not be interfering.”

“Winky be never interfering with courting matters,” Winky hissed. “Courting be serious matters.”

“Hmm, Mopsy be thinking yes?” Mopsy wrinkled her nose, before nodding. “Mopsy be taking Winky to Mistress home.”

“Winky be resigning from Hoggywarts,” Winky cheered, throwing off the uniform and jumping on it. “Winky be ready.”

Mopsy clasped her hand, spitting on the hated uniform before taking them home.

“Kreacher be bad elf,” Mopsy sniffed. “Kreacher be lazy elf.”

“Kreacher not be caring,” Kreacher sniffed. “Mopsy not be proper elf.”

“Mopsy be better elf than Kreacher,” Mopsy shrugged. “Mopsy be having better home, better magic, better Mistress.”

Kreacher stiffened, turning away from Mopsy, pretending to start to clean the kitchen.

“Mopsy be head elf,” Mopsy preened.

“Mopsy be head elf of one,” Kreacher mocked.

“Mopsy be head elf of two,” Mopsy smiled sweetly, showing only a little fang. “Mopsy be hiring.”

“Pah,” Kreacher spat. “Bad elves.”

“Kreacher be bad elf,” Mopsy trilled, sliding up to him, her cheeks coated in shiny powder, her lips stained with a blue paint. “Mopsy be needing mate.”

Kreacher sniffed, then sniffed again, twitching as Mopsy ran a claw down his arm. “Mopsy be needing strong mate. Mistress be needing strong, powerful elves. Dangerous elves for dangerous Mistress.”

“Mopsy’s Mistress be child,” Kreacher spat.

“Mistress be more than child,” Mopsy blinked slowly, her lashes thick and globby. “Mistress be becoming soon. Mopsy be needing help, Mistress be too much for one elf. Mopsy be needing mate to be sharing with.”

Kreacher sniffed again, this time leaning a little closer. “Mopsy be looking healthy.”

“Mopsy be very healthy,” Mopsy preened, some green powder dropping onto his arm from her eyes. “Mopsy be feeding like queen of elves. Mopsy be drowning in food.”

Kreacher stilled. “Why Mopsy be telling this?”

“Mopsy be needing strong, dangerous, loyal elf. Mopsy only be knowing two.”

Kreacher hissed, “Who be two?”

Mopsy pulled away, swinging her body like a pendulum, “Baddest boy’s elf, Kreacher’s Masters boys elf, and Kreacher.”

“Kreacher not be having Master,” Kreacher hissed, puffing up. “Kreacher only be having Mistress.”

“Painting not be a Mistress,” Mopsy turned to lean against a counter, eyes wide, fangs showing. “Kreacher only be having Master.”

He spat, stalking closer, “Kreacher be loyal to Mistress and Master Regulus only.”

“Kreacher be loyal to the dead,” Mopsy placed a claw on his chest. “Kreacher better than baddest boy’s elf. Kreacher be loyal, Kreacher be dangerous, but be Kreacher strong?”

“Kreacher strongest elf,” Kreacher snarled, spitting on floor.

“Mopsy be strongest elf,” Mopsy loomed. “Mopsy be strongest, Kreacher not be feeding to be strongest. Maybe Kreacher be strongest when fed.”

“Kreacher be strongest elf!” Kreacher shrieked, launching at Mopsy, who pinned him to the floor with a claw pressing into his chest.

“Mopsy’s Mistress feed Mopsy well,” Mopsy hissed, leaning down to close her teeth around his throat. “Mopsy be needing strong mate. Kreacher be coming with Mopsy and be feeding well. Mopsy and Kreacher be making many elflings to strengthen Mistresses estate.”

“Kreacher no elf’s mate,” he snarled.

“Mopsy not be sure,” Mopsy sniffed. “Smells interested to Mopsy.”

“Bad elf,” Kreacher turned his head away.

“Baddest elf, for baddest Mistress,” Mopsy purred, running her tongue over his neck. “Kreacher be interest, Mopsy can taste.”

He sniffed, stretching his neck as if by accident.

“Mopsy be taking lazy elf,” Mopsy stood up, pulling him to his feet. “Be removing dead uniform now.”

“Not be dead,” Kreacher hissed.

“Mopsy can be taking it off, is dead,” Mopsy shrugged. “Kreacher needs feeding.”

“Pretend Master be asking if Kreacher leaves,” Kreacher stalked to sink.

“Mopsy be telling baddest boy’s father,” Mopsy sniffed. “Kreacher be getting his things now.”

“Not be head elf of Kreacher,” Kreacher snarled, shrieking as Mopsy pinned him to the cupboard, lifting him off the floor with one hand.

“Mopsy be head elf,” Mopsy stated. “Be taking mate.”

“No,” Kreacher scowled.

“Mopsy be seeing,” she sniffed again, baring her fangs in amusement at the scent. “Mopsy be seeing soon.”

“Kreacher be leaving,” Mopsy perched on the edge of her seat, Bill having accepted the message she came to deliver.

“Hmm?” Bill made a noise as he scanned the note.

“Kreacher be leaving weak home, Kreacher be coming,” Mopsy smiled, twisting her hands in her lap, watching pretend Master drink in corner. Wolf Teacher be missing, Master Bill too occupied with secret note.

She waited patiently as Bill frowned, “Did Millicent say yes?”

“Mopsy be head elf, Mistress be trusting Mopsy,” Mopsy fluttered her lashes at Master Bill.

“What?” he asked, looking up from the letter. “Did she agree with Mum?”

“Mistress be agreeing,” Mopsy agreed. “Mistress never not be agreeing with Miss Molly.”

“Mopsy,” he sighed. “Stop trying to manipulate me.”

“Mopsy not be lying,” she let her lip tremble, he frowned at her. “Mistress be agreeing, Mistress be knowing is best.”

“She didn’t complain at all?” Bill frowned. “It’s only three days a week.”

“Mistress be needing to be doing school work, and other commitments,” Mopsy nodded. “Mopsy be helping with that.”

He relaxed, smiling softly. Mopsy liked Master Bill. He was strong mate, strong, loyal, dangerous. Good mate for Mopsy’s Mistress. “Was there anything else Mopsy can be helping with?”

“That’s all, I’ll be home later,” he smiled at her.

“Mopsy be feeding Master Bill?” Mopsy asked.

“Probably not,” he frowned. “Need to see Ollie, and then I promised I would go for a drink with Joe. I think Ginny’s staying tonight?”

“Miss Ginny’s not be staying yet,” Mopsy nodded. “Mistress be spending night being farmer.”

“In that case, I might crash at Percy’s,” he hummed. “If that’s alright?”

“Mopsy not be minding, Mopsy be spending time making estate better,” Mopsy purred. “Mistress be making Mopsy head elf. Mopsy be taking duties seriously.”

He smiled.

“Mopsy be leaving now,” Mopsy hopped down, hugging his knees. “If Master Bill be needing Mopsy, be calling?”

“I will call,” he promised.

Chapter Text

Charlie,

School is going passably. Haven’t hit anyone or gotten into actual trouble, so better than can be expected. Being able to go home at the weekends help, and you were right, Bill is messy! He pretends he isn’t, but I opened the door to my bedroom before he got home on Friday and there were clothes everywhere. Mopsy’s going to pop in a couple of times during the week and have a sort through. We even found a mouldy cup of tea!

How is the reserve? Are you still having trouble with freezing fog? I would’ve thought you could just rile the dragons up to breathe fire and clear it? Oh and did they manage to sort out the rotting tooth problem? Hope so, I did a full body wince when I read that. Talk about taking the thorn out of the lion’s paw!

Ginny’s alright, still got shocking taste in men. As her older brother you really should’ve had a chat with her about standards! Don’t worry, I’m stepping in, as Bill says it’s not for him to say.

Ron’s still a prat, he’s not even looking at me in classes anymore, not that I’m complaining. I still don’t know if I should curse or thank him. Guess I’ll let him know on his deathbed.

I’m choosing to believe the dubious stain on the last letter was a tear, not something else.

Lots of love,

Millicent
XOX

Mrs Weasley,

School is going well, I got top marks again on my Charms homework, I did appreciate your help with the other applications. Professor Flitwick seemed very pleased with it and even made a comment in class.

Professor Snape mentioned that he’d noticed I hadn’t caused any issues, which is practically gushing praise.

Ginny and Dean are still, sadly, dating. She can do so much better. You’ve set an excellent example for her, but you can lead a horse to water… I will continue to watch after her and make sure she doesn’t make terrible decisions, or to the best of my ability.

Did you have a nice time at the tea dance? I heard that the jam sponge was a giant hit at the whist night. I’m glad you are able to spend time with some of the best people in England. I haven’t met someone from the wizarding world (your family the exception) that are better than the village.

I will make sure to bring back my marked work again. I hope the weather stays mild so we can go on a walk at the weekend.

Lots of love,

Millicent
XOX

Dear Gran,

How are you? I hope you are feeling better now they have changed your medication. I’m glad you told the GP about the dizziness, and that you are talking to Mrs Weasley about how you are. GPs spend lots of years studying medicine, they have to know something about what they are talking about. I’m glad that you got to see the nice one you like, and not that young one who talks over you.

Did you and Mrs Smith have fun at the linedance? And how many times did Mr Stanley step on someone's foot going the wrong way? I hope he was put at the back and the last in a row so he could do the least amount of damage.

I’m home at the weekend, so we can finish off the Agatha Christie, I’ve been looking forward to it since Sunday.

Missing you,

Lots of love,

Millicent

XOX

Audrey,

I still hate you for leaving me here! You need to start a petition at Beaux’s to get Hogwarts shut down, it’s the only way!

I didn’t need to hear about your latest kissing practices, I haven’t managed any since you were my roomy. Glad you are still happy, even if it’s at my expense.

Please don’t tell me how wonderful classes are in comparison to Hogwarts, I know already. Instead, let me know when you are going to be back in the Summer so we can meet up. I’ll even let you get to meet Bill.

Missing you more than should be possible,

Lots and lots and lots of love

Your saddest and most unfortunate friend

Millicent

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

p.s. Blaise says hi, I know, creepy right. X

Percy,

I don’t think I should’ve been deducted points for the parchment tearing as you opened the envelope, that doesn’t seem fair. I know I should be more careful blotting, but your wretched brother started choking and distracted me as I was refilling my quill. Let me know if this tears though, I got George to put an impenetrable charm on it before sending this time, he said you should know the reverse for it, if not Bill definitely will.

Glad you had fun with Fleur, but honestly, let's be real. She is French. Where will she want her offspring to grow up? We both know where the most appropriate place would be, and it’s not around that much cheese and wine. Do I have to remind you that drinking wine can lead to alcoholic liver disease? It’s something to consider.

Can you thank Ollie for me? I don’t want to write in case he feels pressured, but I do appreciate him asking about work experience for me. I’ve not mentioned it to anyone else, in case, but I might have to owe him Ron’s firstborn if he can sort it.

Hope to see you for bowling on Saturday, Ollie and Fleur do round out the team I guess,

Lots of love

Millicent

XOX

Fleur,

It would be nice to see you at bowling, you help balance the teams.

Lots of love,

Millicent

XOX

Bill,

You were right, bleargh. Also, I would like fish for tea on Friday, I had to be selfless and it feels wrong, so fish will make up for it,

Lots of love

Millicent

XOX

Chapter Text

You are so beautiful
A stranger across a crowded room
Bewitching, enthralling
A feeling in my chest, my heart goes boom

You light the skies on fire
A darling stranger named Millicent
The object of my hearts desire
For one who is nothing but magnificent

You are so beautiful
A goddess amongst us in her youth
Bewitching, enthralling
I swear I speak nothing but the truth

An angel in disguise
A towering sculpture of perfection
To mine eyes
There can be nothing but affection

You are so beautiful
So very, very beautiful
To you I offer my love
Millicent the purest of the doves

Chapter Text

Millicent the Magnificent

Millicent, the magnificent,
Take pity on me please.
Behold me here, upon the floor,
I'm down here on my knees.

Millicent, I was sent,
To sing your daily praise.
Your eyes of brown, in them I'll drown,
Oh let me count the ways

Millicent, I will worship you,
Cover you with devotion.
One syllable from your ruby lips
Will set my plans in motion.

Millicent, the magnificent,
Take pity on me please.
Behold me here, upon the floor,
I'm down here on my knees.

Chapter Text

Eric knew he came from extreme privilege. His father on the other hand was a self-made man. Pulling himself up by his bootstraps as his Mother liked to tell him, even if his Mother came from wealth, something she didn’t acknowledge in any way.

Other truths Eric knew about himself, other children of his Father’s friends had much worse names than Eric Derickson. They liked to name children after places they were conceived or random ideas from bad trips. Eric, Eric was as normal as it could be. Still, he preferred not to introduce himself using his full name. Still, his Father was Derek, Derek Derickson, and his Father was Herrick.

Eric knew that he was fulfilling every held opinion his grandparents on his Mother’s side, by pursuing a career in acting. Even if he was supporting himself by running a coffee shop. That the coffee shop was inside a building his Family owned, well, he was doing the best he could with what he had.

It wasn’t as glamorous as his acting friends thought, or his model friends from when he’d dabbled in that. They seemed to think musicians were cool. Some of them were, but some of the coolest people he’d met had been at bowling. And while it was a record company, most of the people who used the coffee shop were actually the staff. Maybe five per cent of his clientèle were legit musicians, the rest were suits.

And because it was his business, he felt a duty to only hire the best, which meant not his friends. Starving artists were desperate to latch themselves onto those on the way up. And that was where the true crux of the matter came. Eric Derickson would never be a starving artist. If it all went belly-up, if he never got a single acting job ever again, if his business failed, he would always have his family to fall back on.

He was no poor little rich boy, starved of attention. He’d been encouraged, supported, introduced to a world that was vast, exotic and culturally rich. He’d seen the pitfalls of love at first sight, the dangers of substances, gambling, alcohol, fast cars, and fast lives. He knew how to spot a con artist within the first five minutes, how to read contracts, how not to sign away rights to things that at first seem inconsequential and then turn out to destroy your life in thirty years time.

Eric Derickson had never and would never record a sex tape. He didn’t take tasteful art house photos of himself or his lovers. He did his best, other than the devils lettuce, to stay away from anything harder than coffee. And so far, he had no scandals to his name, other than the brief mention every so often of being a kidnap victim, from when a crazy fan of his Father’s broke into their family home when he was ten. He’d only been gone half a day before being handed back when his Father met the demands to meet the fan, where they were promptly arrested. The fan had taken him to the zoo.

Eric Derickson loved his life. He loved the hustle and bustle of both acting and the coffee shop. He loved investing in characters, in projects, even if he didn’t get through the first round of interviews. He also loved seeing suppliers to get the best coffee beans this side of the Channel. He loved trying new things, and seeing people try them and make that noise. He loved sitting down with his parents as he would wander through a hallway on the screen in front of them, or even better when he’d spoken, on screen and it made it to the final product. He has no doubt he isn’t talented enough to make it big, but he has enough that he could make it as a bit actor. And that is enough.

He has an older sister, Frederica an award-winning Fashion Designer, already secured the family legacy with triplets following it up with two lots of twins. Also a marriage to one of the richest landowners in the country, who'll inherit a title before long. It's enough to keep his Mother happy for years, for all she claims that she isn’t old enough to have Grandchildren. He has a younger brother Carl, who took his father's car collection, and turned it into his own obsession, managing to land a job with a Formula One team as a trainee engineer, and refuses to spend any money on anything that isn’t car-related.

And now, Eric Derickson, singleton extraordinaire, a man who is able to fob off any potential interest with a single glance, has a soft spot. His name is Oliver. He’s a year younger than Eric, he has charmed the knickers off most of the PA’s, and even got a titter off his Mother without seemingly trying. His Mother who has met so many charismatic men that she barely bats an eyelid any more.

Oliver who chats to almost everyone, who has a best friend there have been wars over. Oliver who doesn’t seem to date anyone. Oliver who brings a powder keg into the building, and she doesn’t explode. Oliver who laughs when he tells him that Millicent, Eric’s only reliable customer with any sense of adventure for drinks, berated him for having shit weed and then supplied him with the details of someone who gave him the smoothest shit he’s ever smoked. Oliver who then gets him a selection of different varieties and smokes it with him in Oliver’s shared flat, while Percy, the most eligible bachelor in the country according to Diana, is out with his fiance.

Oliver who has a cheeky smile, an easy touch, and a voice that rasps against his soul. Oliver who has secrets hiding just beneath the surface, but Eric doesn’t think they are a wife and children, or gambling addiction or worse, journalism. Oliver who invites him out to go bowling on a Friday night, instead of clubbing like the rest of them do. Oliver who introduces him to his friends properly, an arm draped over his shoulder, “Eric, meet everyone, everyone meet my Eric.”

Chapter Text

He’d written to Charlie after Ron said he wasn’t going to talk about Milly again with him. He understood, a bit. They had a strained relationship. Ron hadn’t thought the Slytherin would fit into the family as well as she did. If he’d asked Harry he would’ve guessed maybe she would. Molly adopted any lost souls, something he was very grateful for. He wouldn’t say it to her face, because she’d smash it for him, but he recognised himself a little in Milly. She was just more physically violent.

He could talk to Bill, but he wasn’t sure how Bill would react, or if Bill would tell Milly. Percy was out, there was no way he’d talk to Percy about that. Even if it turned out Percy did know something about women if Fleur was anything to go by. How Percy had managed to gain Fleur’s attention, and then keep it, it seemed unreal. Ron had spent several hours discussing it with Seamus, Neville and Harry.

George was also out, he would definitely tell Milly, and everyone else. So would Fred, and then he was not talking to Ginny about it. Or Molly or Arthur. Which left Charlie. He could also talk to Remus and Sirius, but Sirius still wasn’t right. And he had a suspicion that Remus and Sirius used to be more than just good friends. And they might tell Snape, who would castrate him and probably leave Milly to finish him off.

Ever since Milly’s wanking technique suggestion, he’d mastered the art of blanking off his mind, at night at any rate. It seemed to be working too. Snape knew about it, and while he didn’t approve of the method, he seemed to appreciate the results.

Neville hadn’t helped either, he seemed to have a thing for the Slytherin who’d claimed half the school as hers, even claimed that she was friendly with him. Not that Harry saw it. Still, he had letters from Milly. So Neville kinda of got whereabouts he was coming from. Awkward to talk to him though, he would blush and stutter and Harry felt weird talking about it in the rare moments they were alone.

The one person he knew definitely would understand was Dennis, but Harry would never talk to Dennis about it.

He’d written to Charlie, he couldn’t quite remember what he’d put, but Charlie's response had been to offer to take him out for a few hours. Milly was with Oliver Wood at a recording studio, Bill was at work, and Mopsy, Dobby and the others were busy putting Milly’s village to rights.

“Want to go for a walk?” Charlie asked after filling up a flask with tea. Mopsy had left a pile of sandwiches wrapped in brown paper before leaving them with strict instructions not to leave a mess.

“Please,” Harry glanced nervously.

They walked for about a couple of hours, heading down a trek Milly suggested when Charlie asked. She’d claimed it was an easy one, and Harry was beginning to think that maybe all of the running she was doing had messed with her ability to tell. Charlie was barely out of breath and had shortened his stride so Harry could keep up. Ron had warned him Milly lived in a mountainous region. He wasn’t entirely wrong. The hills looked gentle at a distance until you got to the top of one and then there was another just above the crest. He was starting to doubt Charlie every time he said they were nearly there.

Eventually, they reached a shallow river with stepping stones, and a couple of benches, and Charlie pulled out the drinks and sandwiches, outright laughing as Harry flopped onto the floor.

“So what’s wrong?” Charlie eventually asked as Harry closed his eyes, soaking up the sun now he no longer had to walk in it.

“It’s a bit, uh,” Harry erred. “You can’t tell anyone, or not Snape anyway.”

“If it’s important and he needs to know,” Charlie said carefully.

“It’s not like that,” Harry promised. “Or I don’t think it’s important like that.”

“You can tell me.”

“It’s, so,” Harry rolled onto his stomach and stared at the ground. “You know the advice Milly gave me?”

Charlie was silent for a bit, and when Harry peeked he looked confused.

“Uh, so, when I wasn’t sleeping because of the visions… she told me I should, uh, sleep, and uh, do what other boys do in bed,” he could feel himself going red. Not helped by Charlie snorting in laughter. “It worked.”

“I imagine it did,” Charlie laughed.

“It worked really well,” Harry gave a reluctant grin. “Ron says I don’t owe her anything because anyone could’ve given me that advice.”

Charlie gave him a serious look. “The last thing she needs is you feeling obligated.”

“I know, I know, she threatened to take my balls if I went down that route,” Harry squirmed, and Charlie gave a sympathetic look. “The thing is…”

“The thing is?”

“She’s got a certain charm, you know,” Harry mumbled into the ground. “Like, she’s really big, and dangerous, and strong, and dark.”

Charlie stayed quiet.

“And I liked Cho last year, I did, I really did, but she’s not strong strong, not like Milly,” Harry addressed the ground.

“Have you said anything?” Charlie asked carefully.

“Oh she doesn’t like me at all, she’s only friends because it pisses off Malfoy and Snape,” Harry lifted his head up to give Charlie a rueful grin. “And like, I know she’d eat me and spit me out. And if it was real, then I’d run a mile. I know everyone thinks I’ve got a death wish, but I honestly don’t.”

“So it’s just a crush,” Charlie nodded.

“Except, when it comes to, you know, the thing… I use her.” Harry blushed.

“When you say use?” Charlie asked gently.

“Well…”

Charlie waited for Harry to work up the courage. “I was talking to Ron and we were talking about what would upset Him the most, and at first I was imagining Martian Babes with three breasts, blue ones. Except then,” he blanched. “I started imagining Milly when she was throttling me. But in a sexy way.”

Harry risked Charlie who had an odd expression on his face.

“Except, after I did it the first time, I just kept on doing it.” Harry squared his shoulders. “And now all I can think about while I do… that… is her. And when I occlude, when it’s not Snape, I just focus on Milly destroying me, over and over and over again, but dressed in like, things.”

Charlie hissed through his teeth. “In person, I don’t you know, get hard, but uh, in my head…”

“How accurate is this image?” Charlie asked slowly.

“Well, uh, I don’t think she owns leathers,” Harry blushed.

“Do you use her name?” Charlie asked after a minute. Harry squirmed. “It can’t be any more embarrassing than what you’ve already told me.”

“Uh, so, like, I know right, that uh in person, it wouldn’t work, but we’ve got some pretty racy stuff in the dorms,” Harry verbally squirmed. Charlie rested a hand on his shoulder. “So Seamus likes the really naughty stuff.”

“Do you use her name?” Charlie asked again patiently.

“Sort of,” Harry admitted. “With other "words". I wouldn’t in person, like I said, but-“

“And you think you’ve been sharing this?” Charlie asked with some delicacy.

“Not deliberately, not in the beginning. But after the blood thing with Malfoy, yeah,” Harry slumped. “It’s just that - look you don’t understand. She declared we were all hers, and she was going to take offence for us. And yeah, it’s because she just wants to fight, but it’s nice. Or not nice, its - there’s a couple of girls in our house who have a thing for Hagrid. And I didn’t get it. But now I get it. She could squish me without trying. Madame Maxim was a little old, but Milly isn’t. She’s young and -“

“You want her to sit on your face,” Charlie muttered.

“Yeah,” Harry shifted again. “And other things. But only in my head. Dennis wants to in real life. He’s smaller than me and he told George that he didn’t care that George was older, because Dennis was going to convince Milly to marry him,” Harry gabbled.

“Dennis?” Charlie asked.

“He’s two years below, but turns out he’s only a year younger what with Milly’s birthday being end of Aug and his being start of Sept. He’s serious too. She can defend herself, but he’s ready to pick a fight with anyone who tries to insult her behind her back. More than the rest of us,” Harry grinned a little. “Seamus brought in some Japanese comics of tiny people climbing giantesses, that’s Dennis.”

Charlie didn’t say anything.

“Alright, it’s both of us. It’s kinda nice to not be worried about death by Him, and focus on death by squishing.”

“She finds out and she’ll maim you,” Charlie sighed.

“I know,” Harry gave a cheeky grin.

“You need to tell Severus.”

“I can’t,” Harry paled.

“We have to.”

“And Bill?” Harry mumbled.

“He needs to know too,” Charlie rubbed a hand over his face. “You sure you didn’t make her more than? So she couldn’t be recognised?”

Harry blushed again.

“Just Milly?” Charlie checked.

“It was Pamela Anderson to begin with, but then Milly throttled me, and I felt something, you know, down there,” Harry mumbled.

“You aren’t the first to enjoy it,” Charlie offered some words of comfort. “She might find out regardless.”

“Is it wrong that if I get to choose how I die, I’d pick her killing me over Him?” Harry let out a slightly hysterical giggle.

“Severus might get there first,” Charlie warned. “And Mum won’t be happy.”

Chapter Text

RHS,

I want to win a competition. Please list how to win.

Lots of love,

M. 

Dear M,

Please find attached local gardening courses and groups that may help you. Also attached is this year's RHS Chelsea Flower Show requirements which you may find helpful.

Sincerely

RHS

Professor Sprout,

I want to win a competition. Please list how to win.

Lots of love,

M.

Professor Sprout,

I want to win a competition. Please list how to win. I did not receive a reply from my previous letter.

Lots of love,

M.

Professor Sprout,

I have hand delivered as owls are not being trusted. I want to win a competition. Please list how to win. 

Lots of love,

M.

Dear M,

I did receive all seven requests. Start by looking at the competition requirements. From there you can research the best way to achieve victory. 

Professor Sprout.

N. Longbottom,

I want to win a competition. Please list how to win.

Lots of love,

M.

Dear M,

I don’t know if I can help?

Sorry,

Neville Longbottom

Dear Neville Longbottom,

You are Professor Sprout’s student with the best practical results for Fifth Year. I want to win a competition. Please list how to win.

Lots of love,

M.

Dear M,

I am? I didn’t know that. How do you know that? If I can help I’ll do my best,

Respectfully,

Neville (you don’t need to use my full name)

Dear Neville,

I researched who was the best horticulturist in the year. I want to win a competition. Please list how to win. 

Lots of love,

M.

Dear M,

I’m not the best horticulturist, I’m sure there are better. Maybe you could tell me a little bit more about the competition? What is it for? 

Respectfully,

Neville

Dear Neville,

There are better, but they didn’t help. It is a competition in the village. The winner is crowned as best gardener in the village and I need to win. There are six categories. Best Roses. Best Sweetpeas. Best Fuschias. Best Gooseberries. Best Hedge. Best garden. 

I want to win a competition. Please list how to win. 

Lots of love,

M.

Dear M,

Do you want to win all six? When is the competition being judged? Have you grown any of the plants before? Have you got much experience in gardening?

Respectfully,

Neville

Dear Neville,

I need to win all six. The competition is being judged 31st July. I have started growing plants. I will win. You will help.

Lots of love,

M.

Dear M,

I don’t want to offend, but it sounds like you might not have a lot of experience gardening. Everyone has to start somewhere, and I will do my very best to help you. We still have plenty of time to get you in the best place to do your very best for the competition. Are there many other entries do you know?

It would help if you could describe what state the garden currently is in? What type of soil do you have, does it rain a lot? Is it windblown, does it get sun most of the day? Are you able to do a lot of work over the holidays? If you are growing plants at Hogwarts I could have a look at them for you?

Faithfully,

Neville

Dear Neville,

The suggestion to use eggshells on the plants has helped with the slug infestation. The soil is doing well, I have attached a sample for you. I have increased the canes for the sweetpeas to grow against, after your advice.

Lots of love, 

M.

Dear M,

The soil is looking and smelling fantastic, great work. I spoke to Professor Sprout, and we both agree that moving a Rosebush at this time isn’t wise. Wait until it’s all died back, and then move it. If you want a hand, I am sure I could come and help during the winter holidays when it’ll be safest to move? 

I think the idea of sculpting the hedge into a dragon is a fantastic one. You really wrote to Charlie Weasley for dragon dung? And he sent it? You are really determined to win aren’t you. 

I’m glad you took my advice about the sweetpeas, they do like to climb, maybe next year you can put up some trellising? I could maybe come and have a look over the summer and offer you ideas on what you could try next?

Yours,

Neville

Dear Neville,

Do you think my sweetpeas will win? I have been cutting them as you suggested. Everyone has said how nice they smell. Do you like the colour?

The gooseberry bush is almost ripe, it should be just right for the competition. I will send some for you to try. Do you like gooseberries? I have the best recipe for gooseberry fool.

I have stopped the child from popping the fuschias, they will be in the best condition. I have waged war with weeds and have won. 

Lots of love,

M.

Dear M,

The colour of the sweetpeas was beautiful, I showed them to my Gran and she smiled. Gran never smiles. The scent is delicate and not too overpowering, have you looked at maybe growing Wisteria? You can grow them in pots, or perhaps do a walkway? I still don’t know how big your garden is. I can make time to come visit whenever you want.

I don’t normally like gooseberries, but I am sure I would love your gooseberry fool especially if it’s the best.

I’m wishing you the very best for the competition, you’ve done the very best you can, and the rest is up to the judges. Even if you don’t win everything, you should be very proud of everything you achieved and we can work on everything else for next year. 

Eagerly waiting to hear how you’ve done,

Yours,

Neville.

Dear Neville,

I didn’t win.

Lots of love,

M.

Dear M,

There is no shame in that. We can’t win everything first time. Did they give you any feedback?

Keep smiling, you are a wonderful gardener, and it will only get better from now on.

Yours,

Neville.

Dear Neville,

They didn’t receive my application.

Lots of love,

M.

Dear M,

There is always next year! You should be proud of what you’ve achieved this year, and the rose bloom you sent was gorgeous, and the gooseberries were delicious. 

Chin up, 

Yours,

Neville

Bonus

Charlie,

I need dragon fertiliser for the competition,

Lots of love,

Mopsy.

Mopsy,

Do you have any idea how much this stuff goes for? Or how difficult it is to get? 

What competition?

Charlie

Charlie,

This is for Miss Millicent’s future. 

Lots of love,

Mopsy.

Bill,

Mopsy wants dragon dung, should I be worried? She claims it’s for Milly’s future,

Charlie

Charlie,

Dad told Mopsy about a gardening competition in the village, and Mopsy’s decided her honour as Milly’s house elf is in question if she doesn’t win. If it’s a problem, I’ll talk to Milly about getting Mopsy to drop it.

Did you hear from Percy?

Bill

Bill,

I spoke to my boss, as long as I collect it on my own time it shouldn’t be an issue. Just make sure she doesn’t tell anyone. 

And yes, a French Veela? Percy? That said, women love the smart ones, and he’s a Weasley, we are fine looking men,

Charlie.

Mopsy,

Don’t tell anyone that I’ve supplied you with this, and don’t ask for it too often,

Charlie.

Charlie,

I only told five people. 

Lots of love,

Mopsy.

Chapter Text

The ring did come from Cedrella, there was a discussion regarding the Prewett ring, with Molly offering it to both Bill and Percy. Instead both boys (men?) agreed with the other brothers that it should go to Ginny. As to Cedrella's ring, Bill did say that as the first Weasley son to get engaged, Percy should have first rights to it, however Percy had other ideas. He had a custom piece made for Fleur, having had an idea for a ring after their first date. Fred swore he was too young to get engaged, George almost died laughing when he was asked if he would like it, Ron thought they were all mad, and Charlie, well, Charlie broke it once again to Molly that his desires were to sample the delights of a continent first before even considering settling down.

Chapter Text

Charlie was no use, having disappeared off with George for the day instead of helping Bill take Milly, Audrey, Ginny, Blaise, Dean and Tomislav to the beach. Blaise’s partner Fiona, who he’d briefly met at the wedding, was meeting them at the isolated cove.

Winky provided food and drinks, and Kreacher had helped ship all the youngsters out after Mopsy refused to help her beloved Mistress after Millicent still refused to console her over the competition.

It started out relatively calmly, Bill liked all of them well enough. Blaise could’ve been another Weasley, given how well he fit in with the family. He could see why Dean struggled.

There was an easy teasing intimacy between Blaise, Milly, Ginny and to a lesser extent Audrey, which disappeared the moment he spotted Fiona and turned into a puppy. At which point Dean eased off the hostility, relaxing into an almost similar ease with Milly. He was just as much of a puppy with Ginny as Dean with Fiona.

All four girls chatted endlessly, lulling him into a false sense of security as he drifted in and out of conversation with the lads, enjoying the relative peace of the ocean. He almost didn’t hear Ginny, except for the sudden lull in the lads chatter.

“Dean doesn’t mind, and Milly said you were a great kisser,” Ginny chirped.

“I didn’t say she was a great kisser, just that’s how I learnt how to kiss.” Milly was scowling, arms crossed which didn’t do what she thought it did. Dean did a better job than Tomislav and Audrey at staring at her chest. Bill suddenly had visions of an orgy taking place, started by his own baby sister.

“Audrey is good,” Tomislav agreed, and Blaise tilted his head dangerously.

“I’ve gotten better,” Audrey purred, and Bill wondered if he could declare the day over instead of having an awkward conversation. “I’ve kissed a lot of people in my quest to become the world's best kisser.”

“Come off it,” Milly scowled at her best friend, and for a brief moment, Bill thought she’d stopped it.

“I can prove it,” Audrey purred, the small blonde stalking up to Milly looking every bit of a menace as the rest of them.

Milly gave him a brief look, and he had no idea what she saw but she gave a small shrug, sat back down and allowed herself to be snogged silly by Audrey for a good minute, the petite girl ending up straddling Milly’s lap, hands tangling in each others hair and Bill staring resolutely out to sea. It was bad enough Ginny staring intently.

“Well?” he heard Ginny ask insistently after the girls parted. Milly gave a soft hum, and Blaise snorted.

“Can’t be that good,” he teased as Milly gave a small shrug.

“Better than you,” Audrey winked.

“Prove it?” Fiona asked, and Bill groaned.

“Can we not?” he asked. “I don’t want to be party to this.”

“Bill!” Ginny glared at him. “Don’t ruin this for me. When are we next going to all be together?”

“Yeah, Bill,” Blaise snorted.

“I promised to be a responsible adult,” he reminded them.

“A bit of kissing never hurt anyone,” Dean added.

“It’s what happens after kissing I’m worried about,” Bill gave Ginny a pointed look.

“Eww, Bill!”

“Come off it Gin,” he warned. Ginny had been warned about inviting Dean over while everyone was out already after Charlie walked in on them half-undressed in the village. They’d not said anything to Milly or Mum, but Charlie read the pair of them the riot act first. Bill tried the disappointed look method.

“If we promise to stick to just kissing?” Fiona asked, and Bill barely bit back a groan. Milly didn’t seem bothered either way, but the others seemed invested, and he couldn’t entirely blame them. They were all of a similar enough age.

“I’m not getting involved,” he warned, not that he thought they would try with him, but it was better to set that boundary now.

“Ew!” he could always rely on Ginny. Milly shrugged which was a win from being called ancient.

“Kissing only, and only with permission from the partners involved,” he warned, not that any of them seemed bothered by their partners kissing others.

“So no kissing Mils?”

“I will throttle you if you call me that again,” Milly warned Blaise who ducked behind Bill as if he’d protect him.

“Sure thing, Mil Mil.” Bill was somewhat impressed by how quickly Blaise managed to sprint across the sand to get out of reach.

She took her revenge after Audrey held her hand out to Fiona and proceeded to snog the life out of her. Milly crowing that Audrey was obviously a better kisser than Blaise, didn’t seem to stop Blaise eagerly returning to watch.

He wasn’t sure if he was surprised or not when Milly declined kissing anyone else, even Audrey when she offered a second time.

“It just doesn’t do a lot for me,” she explained quietly after joining him in paddling along the wet sand, in range but not close enough to have to witness his sister kissing. Charlie owed him for bailing.

Chapter Text

It hadn’t come as a surprise when Milly’s exam results came in and she’d passed with top marks. The quiet smile on her face as she passed the envelope over to him to see, and the tiny squeeze as he gave her a celebratory hug, before allowing herself to get swept up into discussions with Percy about signing up for the next year's classes.

Julia hadn’t seemed shocked at all, or when the results came through from her OWLs. He’d known she was smart and worked hard, there was plenty of evidence of that. She’d done half of the History coursework already having spent three solid days with all the books laid out on the kitchen table, sending Percy everything the moment she was done.

He hadn’t realised until Severus announced it quietly whilst Sirius was crowing about Harry’s good marks, she’d managed to get the best marks in the year. Which Milly already knew about no doubt thanks to Mopsy. She’d grinned at him when he told her but hadn’t mentioned it to anyone, not even Blaise.

Percy hadn’t been surprised either.

“She has the right brain for it,” Percy reminded Bill after he’d questioned if she should be doing as many NEWTs as Percy seemed to think she should be. “She needs constant stimulation, otherwise she’ll get bored.”

True enough, she seemed to thrive off it, keeping quiet as everyone started celebrating excellent results all around. Not even commenting when Ron started bragging about Hermione’s almost straight O’s across the board.

Percy took them out for a celebratory tea, Milly and the Twins who’d been threatening to drop out before Christmas. Percy offered to take Ron but he had other plans.

“An apprenticeship?” Bill checked he’d heard right. The pair of them were planning on going back to Hogwarts come September. He knew from George that he’d been considering it, having taken responsibility for Milly’s welfare at school as Bill couldn’t. He hadn’t thought that Fred would as well. Out of the two, George had bonded with Milly more so.

“Snape’s going to help me with spell creation and potions,” George started.

“Maggy’s going to help with transfiguration,” Fred continued. “We’re saving to open our own shop, but”

“They need to make sure they won’t kill anyone with trial products,” Percy finished. “And with taking over some duties, they can earn enough to have six months rent for a shop.”

“Perce’s going to help with contracts too, already had a warning from Zonkos,” George rolled his eyes. “As if we’d copy old stuff.”

“I’m telling you, you need to get into Muggle stuff too,” Milly pointed out. “Like-“

“Yo Yo’s,” George said before she could finish.

“Imagine how cool it would be if they lit up, but without having to get batteries!” she leaned forward and smacked Percy when he tutted. She’d managed to buy better-fitting clothing but still, the summer dresses all seemed to be designed to show off the maximum of assets possible. “George doesn’t care about my cleavage.”

“It’s true,” he agreed. Bill bit back a smile. Out of all of them, George had adapted to a new sister the quickest.

“Spinners that never come down? Or gobstoppers that never lose their flavour - unpoppable chewing gum! It’d get banned immediately, which would only make it more in demand.”

“We’ve got your list of ideas,” Fred rolled his eyes. “Stop trying to get a share of our business.”

“I don’t want a share,” she blew a raspberry at him. “I’m just saying, don’t be like everyone else and ignore half the population because it’s not pure.”

Chapter Text

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