Chapter 1: Even After Death. You're Still My Brother.
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‘’Goodbye Sam.’’ Slowly losing conscious, maybe even choking on his on his own blood. He slumbered against his little brother’s body. Still conscious but who knows for how long.
‘’Goodbye Dean’’ The younger one sobbed out, feeling the weight of his own brother’s body pressing more and more against him.
Sam wished that it took longer but in a way his brother wasn’t suffering anymore. As soon as he felt Deans full weight pressing against him, he didn’t dare to look down. He knew if he did he wouldn’t like what he would see, it would be all to real. The younger Winchester didn’t have a choice in that matter. He needed to look.
The hunter looked down seeing his brother lifelessly pressed against him, no heartbeat, no nothing. Reality hit, his own brother dead in his arms after everything. After everything Dean did for him, all the sacrifices, all the pain and promises. Looking at his dead brother, holding him closer to himself, violently sobbing against his head, he promised him he wouldn’t look for a way to save him, but god he wanted to. He was angry with Dean, with himself, how could he leave like this. Why didn’t he save Dean like he saved him so many times.
After a while maybe what felt like ages, he needed to move his older brother he couldn’t let him stay there, he deserved a proper hunters funeral, hell he deserved so much more. Sam carefully placed his hand on Deans back where the bar stuck through his back, even when he was dead the Winchester was extremely careful with him. Carefully pulling his brother off of the blooded bar, pushing him against him as his hand touched the open wound, dripping blood over his hand.
Eventually Dean was fully off the bar his lifeless body falling against the taller hunter. Sam fully embraced his Dead brother’s body, he couldn’t care less about the blood that would be covering his clothing, the only thing that mattered. All he wanted was his brother back. Crying and almost choking on his spit as he cried against Deans head.
An amount of time later he picked Deans corpse up in his arms, holding him as close as possible to himself. He promised his brother he wouldn’t look for another option to bring him back, and he wouldn’t look for another option even when his heart ached for his brother but in his mind he knew he couldn’t bring him back.
Sam walked towards the Impala, Deans baby. Gently easing his brother into the back seat of his baby, the younger hunter walked around already seeing the blood stains getting into the car seats as he sat down on the drivers seat, starting the car. And driving away from the place that killed his brother, though Sam was driving the tears didn’t slow down, emotionally unstable trying his best not to crash the car. The younger one looked through the rear view mirror, seeing Dean sleeping like laying there, almost looking peaceful after such a long time.
Eventually Sam arrived at the bunker, he stopped the car on the side of the road in front of the bunker door. He stepped out of the car, leaving Dean in the backseat. Looking for an axe in the trunk. Chopping as much trees as he needed and could reach letting all his anger and tears out. When Sam was done with the last one he broke down on his knees screaming at the sky, mostly at chuck, he would never blame Jack. The younger one needed to regain himself again to give Dean the funeral he deserved.
With the little energy he had left he composed himself, placing all the wood on a big pile then looking for a cloth to wrap his brother in. A bit of searching he found a big enough cloth/ bed sheet from inside the bunker to wrap him in it, and thick enough rope from inside Deans baby. Sam displayed the cloth on the ground in front of the backseat of the impala, he wouldn’t have to carry his brother to far away, he didn’t think he could do that again.
He opened the car door again his brother with his head near the door, the seats already wet with blood, a problem that he needed to deal with for later. He picked up Dean again and placing it on the big cloth, crouching down next to him.
‘’You did good’’ Sam said looking down at Deans pale face brushing his hand for the last time against his head as he wrapped him up in the big cloth and knotted the rope around it, carrying his brother for the last time towards the pile, placing him down there. Waiting for himself to calm down a little, to be ready to let his brother go. Some time later he took the lighter out of his pocked and slowly reached towards the pile, looking at the clothed corpse before turning it on and stepping back as he looked how the world was burning in front of him.
It maybe took hours before the whole pile was burned down with his brother, Sam didn’t move a second away from the burning pile. When it was over he stared at the ground at the ashes. Not knowing what to do anymore, the whole reason why he was there in the first place, everything for nothing. Just how it began.
Walking towards the bunker again he noticed the impala with the doors open, with broken eyes and a dead feeling he walked towards it. He wanted to close the door before realizing there was still blood inside the impala, he couldn’t leave it like that. Dean would never forgive him for leaving his baby dirty.
Sam went inside again and took a smaller cloth with a bucket and hot water, placing it near to the backseat door. He started to clean, rubbing hard on the rubber seat, clenching the blooded cloth next to him on the ground as he kept rubbing harder and harder, even getting the blooded water on his clothing and body, he just couldn’t take it anymore as another splatter of water fell on his clothing.
‘’I’m sorry, I couldn’t save you’’ The younger hunter sobbed out, though he didn’t stop cleaning he physically couldn’t before it was clean. He kept trying to get the blood out of the car, thinking about how to life on without his brother. They saved the world but his world just collapsed on him.
Chapter 2: All to late
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On the ground. Cold, and death, there he laid. Dean couldn’t make sense of it. One second he made it through the portal and the next he got killed, it happened all to fast. His mother gone, and now his best friend or even more, Dean never admitted it to himself but he grew quite font of the angel. In more ways than just friends, sadly he noticed it to late, now he's gone and he is still here. Without his angel. Ever without telling him how he really felt, either he would never had the courage to tell him how he really felt, though now he never get to. The angel still laying there on the cold ground, in the middle of the night. The hunter couldn't leave him there. After everything. He deserved to have a proper hunters funeral.
He’d rather just bring him back, knowing he can’t. Still kneeling next to Cas, placing his left hand under his neck and the other one brushing against his legs, before placing it under his knees. Mentally preparing himself to pick the lifeless body up from the ground. Reeling from what happened but composing himself enough to get the angel inside and the inevitable, wrapping him up and burning him. Having Castiel in his arms in bridle style. Something he always wanted, but not like this, never like this. The hunter stood up, the angel was much lighter then he'd thought, holding him close as he walked towards the house. Where it all happened, where Lucifer’s son was born. Damn that kid, he persuaded his angel into trusting him, it was all his fault that he is dead, that’s what Dean only could think about blaming everyone who just has so little to do with it, than on someone who is really the blame, or it's just easier to get through the pain if you can blame someone. Right now it didn't matter anymore, or it did. The hunter couldn't think anymore with Cas in his arms as he walked through the front door.
He knew Sam was upstairs, he’d never talked about his feelings. Hell he never talks about anything, though a part of him thinks that Sam knows about it. He brought the angel into the kitchen, placing him carefully on the kitchen table. When Cas was placed down he immediately walked away from him, he couldn't stand the thoughts anymore, the more he thought about him, the more he drowned, the more he eventually went into a breakdown. That's what happened when Dean walked towards the window. The tears couldn't be stopped anymore. Honestly he didn't care right now if his little brother walked in on him crying. He bit his under lip to keep himself from fully breaking down, not without harm, his under lip now swollen and bleeding.
"Shit man, how could you do this to me, we would've made it out, you didn't need to go in, you stupid son of a bitch"
Dean said looking from the window towards Cas his lifeless body. He really should've admitted his feelings sooner, but his inner homophobia wouldn't let him. And now it's all to late, at least for the angel to confess back. Dean hoped he could still hear him. The hunter walked back towards the table and crouched next to his angel, their heads both on the same level, it's to late to have the happy live he wanted with him, nonetheless he could talk about his feelings without anyone hearing them.
The hunter hoped Sam wouldn’t come downstairs right now, but did he really care about that? His best friend is dead, no he couldn’t really care. Dean gently brushed his hand on Cas’s cheek. Even though Cas was an angel, his vessel felt cold and empty, he didnt felt like he used to. Dean sat there looking at his dead friend, with tears.
“Damnit Cas, i should’ve told you sooner, now i never get to.”
Of course he knew if Cas was still alive he never would’ve told him, that’s how he is, that’s how he was raised, no chick flick moments.
The hunter stopped brushing his hand and kept it in place on his angels cheek. With a few chocked sobs and a shaking breath he mustered out.
“I should’ve told you, how i felt about you. How much you really meant to me”
Dean kept quiet for a little bit before having the courage to talk further
“Instead i keep getting so angry, taking it out on you, you didn’t deserve that. Hell you deserved so much more than this, than me”
Dean choked out, difficult to find the right words he wanted to say to the angel. One thing he knew, something that he should’ve admitted. A long time ago.
“Damnit, Cas, i.....”
The hunter recomposed himself.
“I love you man”
He knew it was way to late to tell him and he knew The angel couldn’t hear him. But did that really matter he could at least admit his feelings, he just wished his angel was able to hear it to.
Without really any thoughts he stood up and and pressed his lips against Castiel's forehead. Little did he know Sam already made his way downstairs and watched the whole scene.
"Goodbye Cas"
Dean said softly against his angels forehead. At the end of the day Cas is still dead, no words could bring him back.