Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

gonna go and rewrite most of it bc im never happy w myself or my work

heres this as well, lmk if the link doesnt work? ig (70+ saves woohoo):

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0bIU04o3FCryMtOr5WwFzT?si=eWdouTS5Sia17iaVLbk81g&pi=u-xwioxKQ2Q8WC

now, i understand that half of the views r me going and rereading bc i don't like it and find shit to fix, but to the few ppl that have decided to click on flaming hot garbage, that was for the most part written when i was at peak exhausting, thanks <3

and since i havent put much thought into how i want this to play out, i need to go and figure that out

but here is a sneek peak on a later chapter that ive been working on instead of the next chapter:

I hum as I finally stand up, walking down the steps and towards the trio to join them. "I'm confused," I mutter as I poke the kid's cheek, studying his features. "Why does this kid look like and almost exact copy of ya, Miles? He's Cute." He shrugs with a frown. "Y're literally no fuckin help, ever."

"Tch, s'not my fault that ion know why either." He sighs as he pulls off the gauntlet, tossing it to Aaron. "Don't call him cute."

"You have the same face, like the exact same face. Y're ten times hotter than him anyway,"

"Still."

Chapter Text

↪Drugs N Hella Melodies (feat. Kali Uchis) || Don Toliver is now playing...

Here's how this shit is gonna go, I'm only gonna do it the one time...

I'm Delirium Rose and I was bit by some radioactive spider, and I'm Brooklyn's one and only 'Spider-Man,' but that's not really my name, dumbass jerkoffs, it's Arachne. I absolutely love Spider-man, but I am not him, no. Now, I hang around the Prowler, we help each other, work together (He didn't like me when we first met.) And that's not how this whole thing started either. I obviously had a life before everything changed and kinda went to shit because I have no clue what I'm doing.

I live with my mama, my adoptive dad, and my younger sister in the apartment below Miles's, the prettiest boy I've ever seen, Uncle's place in Brooklyn. Brooklyn is kinda wild, there's a lot of crime and violence, people seem to really like fire, (same bro,) and the cops fucking suck at their job, (and I end up doing a lot of it for them,) but we had a nice place with nice neighbors and nowhere else to go. It's still pretty, kinda, it's raining all the time like where I used to live, and I love the rain. I'm happy here, even if everywhere was chaos I found myself with an okay life where I was, mostly.

I had just started school at Brooklyn Visions Academy in the fall, no clue how I got in, and my sister started middle school around the time that I had gotten bit. Turned 15 about three weeks after the school year started. School makes me fucking miserable (overstatement) all the time, my mama wants me to go to college, so I have more opportunities to pursue an art career, just thinking about having to go to even more school after I graduate makes me sick. Too many people, too many noises, too many dick heads that pretended to like me when they didn't from middle school.

I don't make very good friends other than my best friends and my brother, it's that 'same vibe different DNA?' type shit, God, that sounds fucking stupid, never mind, our moms are best friends, we've known each other our whole lives. My best friends at the time, Nefeli and Aj, they've been dating since middle school. Her girlfriend goes to a different school, so we didn't see her that much and that's shitty, and her mom's bein a little bitch about them dating so they don't see each other that much anyway, but I missed my best friend, ya know. And my other best friend and her girlfriend, my ex, we're still good friends at the time though too, they hung with us.

I hate being in or around big groups of people, it stresses me out, so I didn't really hang with my 'friend group,' 'cause it's a lot, and they don't seem to care if I'm there not, which also kinda sucks. The thing is, Nefeli was the one who got everyone together and introduced me to everyone and they're chill and didn't hate me or anything, but I feel hella left out whenever we're all together 'cause they're always making plans to hang out and shit and it's kinda like I'm not actually present and there, so they never try to include me in the plans. Nefeli really likes them, I liked them too, they're cool, like I really to liked them, but it's just a lot.

Nefeli was one of the most divine and genuine people I ever met. Her faded half bleached half black hair is usually an afro, in braids, in twists or pulled back. She's curvy and taller than me, basically everyone is I'm only 5'0, and she was one of the only people I liked lookin up at. When she would do her makeup, she would do lashes with different vibrant colors on the outer corners and vivid, bright eyeshadow and it contrasts so, so beautifully on her dark skin. I loved my best friend.

That all went to shit, of course, because why wouldn't it, but out of all of them, besides Aj, I talk to two of the people in that group. I resent them to some extent, but I don't hate them or anything, probably.

When I look at myself, I don't like what I see. My lips are chapped and bruised all the time because I bite the skin off of them outta nervous habit. My face turns pink all the way to my ears when I'm embarrassed out of my mind, (or horny-Fuck, never mind.) I'm short and my hair is a mess because I always chop it in that bathroom in the middle of the night after a freakout, or box dye it the second I get paid. I have a nice body, or so people say I just don't see it that way. I'm self-conscious when I'm not wearing the right clothes and it's so annoying and the lovely urge to chop off my tits half the time isn't the most welcomed feeling either. I'm pale and covered in freckles and I just wish I could tan more so people would stop using my white side as an insult, it bothers me too, no need to point out how fucking pale I am and tell me I'm not what races are in my blood. Which is also so weird to me, but whatever.

I don't think I'm good looking or 'pretty' so it's not surprising that no one wants me.

Nefeli once told me that she thought it was weird that I'm not dating anyone, but all my experiences have been shitty so 'I cling to people who I know will never want me back, and that I don't know, so I don't have to worry about being hurt again.' She said, my therapist at the time agreed. I mean it's true, but honestly, I don't appreciate being called out like that by another person who left after they promised they'd stay.

I tend to catch feeling for people who're nice to me, it's kinda annoying at this point. When we moved to our current place, it was the summer after the 3rd grade, my sister and I would go to this daycare center club thing ion know it was lame, anyway, there was this one boy who would talk to me sometimes when I sat by myself 'cause none of my friends were there at the time and I liked him till 8th grade, it was bad, we didn't even go to the same elementary school, same middle school though.

I liked other people in middle school too, I liked Nefeli for like a week, I had a girlfriend at one point, that ended badly, I broke up with her 'cause I was bein eaten alive by guilt for liking other people while dating her, I really liked her though. I had a weirdly toxic and mentally/emotionally almost abusive(That's what I was told??) situationship goin for me for a few months. I only left him 'cause he got with an old best friend of mine that I will never talk to again, if he didn't I woulda stayed and that's no good. I liked my guy best friend for a while, but it was never the right time, and then there's Miles.

I don't know him, like I gave him a piece of paper in 4th grade one time, and I've liked him since. I can't help it! He's so fucking pretty! I used to wish I could try to talk to him but I'm too much of a little bitch too even ask him for shit like a pen, AND HE SITS RIGHT NEXT TO ME! in like two class. In my defense I have bad anxiety, like I literally feel sick to my stomach whenever I have to do anything that makes me nervous or gives me anxiety, and I overthink literally everything. Apparently, I need to 'branch out more' but the idea of having to talk and interact with people scares the shit outta me. BUT I WANTED TO TALK TO HIM! I had no fuckin clue how to go about it though. Now I hang out with him all the time.

I draw, everywhere, on everything, a lot of it is him. I always have a sketchbook and my headphones on me, I can't function right without 'em. When, no, if I become an adult, I wanna make comic books, that's my passion. I wanted to get an apartment with Nefeli and her girlfriend and help out at my sisters' bakery and make comics. That sounded like the perfect life to me, but things change and that's not the priority anymore, that's not how I picture it anymore.

I watch Miles draw in all the time and I kinda just stopped whatever I was doing and watched him, that sounds hella creepy but it's what I do. He's good, and it's always been relaxing to me to just watch people make art, the fact that its him makes it 1000 times better.

Well, I watch him all the time, holy shit I sound creepy, but it's not like that I swear, he just catches my attention all the time, but I like watching him draw the most out of everything. I sound like some lovesick idiot, no wait I probably just am one. It's not my fault he one of the prettiest guys I've ever set eyes on. Look I know this is gonna sound hella weird, and it's embarrassing to even say, but just being near him feels right, like, no wait that's stupid and not it. What am I tryna say? I dunno, but the point is I like him, and I used to not know how to talk to him. Thank Satan I fixed that instead of waiting for him to talk to me like a fucking fool.

Miles's dad Jeff Morales died the day he was made captain of the police force, I was in the first semester of 8th grade. Jeff was, in my and many other citizens of Brooklyn's opinion the best cop there was. Of course, I didn't really know him personally, I has introduced myself to him once when I was introducing myself to his whole family when we had first moved here, my mom had been befriended Miles's mother Rio, and we went over for dinner one night. He seemed like a great guy. The funeral parlor his funeral had been held in was packed to the brim with his family, friends, and people he had helped or saved. Miles looked so incredibly empty as he gave a speech about him. If I was in his place I would have too, he wasn't the same after that, none of us were, but especially him, no wonder, his dad had died, no shit.

Then there was the Prowler. He started showing up a few months after Jeff Morales's death. Now yes, he did murder people, but, holy shit why am I tryna justify murder?? It only seemed to be like super fucked up people like criminals who've killed other people, gross ass mother fuckers, gang, mafia and cartel members that would mess with innocent civilians. Even then it wasn't always just kill them and leave, he'd usually just beat the shit outta them and turn them in. Anyway, even though he was a murderer, he was still doing better than the police. He would save people before the cops even arrived at the scene. Now we work together to do all that shit together, god, I suck don't I?

He saved me once, it was during the winter around the time he first showed up, some dude was following me when I was walking home from work. The Prowler saw him or something and beat the shit outta the guy. I didn't feel bad for the man, he got what he deserved, preying on a kid. I was afraid I would never get to thank the Prowler that day, I was too stunned from what happened to speak, I got my chance though, 'cause I'm the greatest.

Anyways, let's go back to before the spider bite happened, before everything went to shit, shall we?

Chapter Text

↪If Only You Were Mine || Thybxlle is now playing...

"Shit shit shit SHITT!" I throw my hands over my face as I groan loudly and lean on Nefeli's shoulder, my face buried in the soft fabric of her hoodie, a hand moving to tug on her white collar with my index finger and thumb. "Fuuuuuckkkk, Eliii he's so prettyyyyyy!" Half the time of my days were spent grumbling about the (in)famous Miles Morales, I felt bad, but I continued to do it anyway, it was out of habit at this point.

"Cálmete! You never shut up about him." She rests her head on mine and sighs, checking her phone as she gets a notification, shooing my hands away. I tilt my head to look at her screen, my face lighting up when I see it's her girlfriend before pausing to crack my abused knuckles with a sigh.

"You say that like y're not always talkin about how, 'ohh~ I miss my wife so muchh~' Like, shut the fuck up, I knew them first." I playfully side-eye her with a grin that goes from ear to ear.

"I'on' give a shit if you knew 'em first, she's still my girlfriend," I hooked my arm through hers as we walk to our next classes. I always begrudgingly leave her side to go to my next classes, too annoyed and bored without her presence to keep me company when I don't have any other friends to talk with. "Still, I'on't get why you 'on't jus say somethin to 'im, this is the same thing as when you liked the one guy for like seven whole years-"

"No! It was four years. And you and all the others when we were all still friends fuckin told 'im when you knew he had a girlfriend!" I interrupt loudly as we stop next to classroom I need to walk into, unfortunately, Nefeli doesn't know that I've like Miles since I moved here. I whined, I wanted to stomp my feet like a little kid, but even if I don't get social cues all that much, and do shit that apparently, I shouldn't do, like point at people, That's bad? I do it all the time and get scolded, I don't understand why, I'm not gonna be that person. I was exhausted, I didn't want to listen to whatever the teacher would be talking about today, just thinking about it made me want to ball up on the floor and cry. I was thinking about just sleeping through the class. "That shit was hella embarrassing- shit! Oh, fuck me."

"Huh, what?" I ducked behind her whispering 'Miles' as I watched him walk into the classroom I was about to go into from over her shoulder, like a fucking creep, she looked side to side and sighed while taking her air pod out of my ear, putting it back into its rightful place in the case. "You hiding makes you look hella suspicious, ya know? Why d'you always do this shit, it's fuckin weird."

"I knoooww," I cover my eyes with my arm, leaning down, practically hunching over. Whenever I'm embarrassed, I try to make myself as small as possible, laughing it off like nothing's wrong when really my ears burn, and I feel like crying and throwing up. "But seein him makes me feel all hot inside and shit, it's gross." I pull my headphones over my ears and pull out my phone from my pocket, almost dropping it in front of me as I spin it around in my hand, she turns towards me and hugs me with one arm, muttering a goodbye as she smiles. "I love youu, see you during lunch." I return the hug and press play on my 'HES SO HOT I WANT HIM SO BADD' playlist, I tried justifying naming it that by saying 'I'd get fucked to this playlist.' with a shrug and sounding dumb, didn't justify a thing. I eye my friend as she turns away from me, walking to her classroom just down the hall.

My bag is uncomfortably slung on my shoulder, and I try to shift it into a better position but to no avail as I walk into my English class and sit in my seat next to Miles G. fucking Morales. I turn up the volume of my music as I pull my sketchbook out of my backpack and my pencil, eraser, and blending stick from my pocket. I skip to an empty page, I was trying not to open it on one with drawings out of fear of what could be on it, tapping my pencil against the paper as I try to figure out what to draw. My music is loud, like you can hear it blaring through my headphones and I mouth the lyrics to the songs that come and go as I try to pass the time and sketch out random characters. Opting to sleep instead due to growing boredom, I cross my arms and lay my head against them as I close my eyes.

"Hey?" a pen taps on my desk, and I'm snapped out of whatever I was daydreaming about, eyes blinking open as take one of the ear cups off of my ear and turn my head to see Miles extending his pen towards me. I stare at him wide eyed, "Lemme ged' a highlighter." Words refuse to form, I can't talk so I just nod and pull out my untouched pencil pouch from my bag. I crack my knuckles and then hand him a bright purple highlighter and go back to laying against my forearms. Cherry Hill by Russ started playing and I quickly skip the song while still softly humming the melody to myself after another song starts. I grin to myself as I nuzzle into my arms, crossing my legs, squirming to get into a comfortable position. Miles tosses the highlighter onto my desk with a loud thump, and I flinch and open my eyes again to look over at him.

"The fuck was that for? That shit was loud." I glare at him as I whisper in a clearly extremely annoyed and startled tone, putting it back in the pouch and hap hazardously tossing the pouch into my bag. I'm gonna kill myself, this is it, this is my thirteenth reason.

"I was done wit' it." he retorted and shrugged as I roll my eyes, quickly turning away from him as burying my face in my arms as I huff. You're lucky you're beautiful, cabrón.

"He threw my highlighter at me!"

"I mean that almost counts as talking to him," Nefeli flicks her eyes from her cup of noodles to me and back before taking a bite before continuing. "And you actually said real words at 'im instead'a stuttering 'n blankin out without actually sayin anything."

"I just stared at him like a fuckin dumbass," I cried out as I drank my Capri Sun in one go, squeezing the contents into my mouth then throwing the trash into my lap, biting the skin of my lower lip. "'nd when I did talk to him, I seemed pissed! I was pissed!"

"I don shee" Slurp "sorry, I'on see why you like him anyway. He looks so emo. Eh, no he doesn't never mind." she scrunches her nose and I hand her my lunch so she can take a bite. I stifle a small laugh, "He literally looks like every other teenage boy."

"Besides, if anything, I emo, but I'm not." I motion towards my face and phone "Well, I mean I'm prob'ly more alt, but I do listen ta alt and metal music, but not jus' that stuff, I still have my whore playlist and Taylor Swift, and indie shit, Ion't think I even listen to any emo music. And you barely ever think the guys I like are cute. It's cause you're fuckin gay." I mumble and she hisses back 'I'm pan and so are you!' and I start rambling then zone out as Miles walks past where we're sitting in the library. I grab onto Nefeli's sleeve and softly tug at it repeatedly, "Loooook therrre he isssss." I whisper.

"You're bein fucking creepy."

"Oh, you can't get rid of mee~ You loooove me~ I can be creepy all I want, and you'll never leave me~" I blow her a kiss as I snatch my container of food back from her and sneak a look at him.

"Of course I do." She grins at me and takes the container right out of my hands. "You love me too" Obviously.

"Mierda, he's goin be the actual death of me," I breath out, lean back and close my eyes, leaning into my dear friend. "ughhh Why can't I jus' fuckin talk to him?!" He sat down across the room from us, my eyes following his movement. He was man spread in one of the uncomfortable padded chairs, his elbows resting on the arm rests as he stares at his phone, chair pushed out from the table as his bag rests on it. I was practically drooling as I continued to stare like a complete creep. "Okay this is gonna be hella stupid but imma jus' give 'im the purple highlighter,"

I pull out the highlighter and a piece of paper then I pulled the cap off of it and ripped a square off the paper and I wrote 'keep it' with a thumbs up and some little stars drawn next to it. I folded up the paper and stuck in that clip thing on the cap that keeps it in place when you stick it on shit. You know what it is. "I know I say it a lot, but thinking about him makes me feel all gross and hot, like I'll spontaneously combust."

"Don' say that, it sounds wrong." I shoot her I confused glance, my eyebrows scrunching up as I frown,

"What? 'Spontaneously combust'?"

"Yeah,"

"Oh, kill yourself! Get y'r mind outta the fucking gutter." I grumble, ripping the dry skin off of my bottom lip with my teeth as I anxiously stand up.

"Ay, dios mio," I hear my friend whisper as I slowly, cautiously walk over to the boy, tossing the highlighter next to his bag then without a second glance turn away and cower as I inch back over to Nefeli.

"Hey," Miles comes up from behind me and places his hand on my shoulder causing them to tense up. I fucking hate when people I don't know touch me. I jump out of my own skin in surprise then let out an anxious laugh, torn between trying to move away from his hand out of complete fear and melting into his touch. Torn between the thoughts of 'Keep touching me or I'll cry, maybe die, don't take your hand off me,' and 'Keep your fucking hands off me, never touch me again.'

"The fuck was that for?" I choke out, trying to not let the nervous laughs bubble out from where they're caught in my throat. "That scared the shit outta me."

"Ya know you shouldn' throw shit a' people?" He stares at me blankly, completely unfazed by my idiotic behavior and pulls the highlighter out of his pocket, his hand finally leaving my shoulder, my shoulders sagging in relief, and holds it in front of me then puts it back.

"Uhh-" I look at the ground awkwardly, "Sorry, I felt too embarrassed to go up'n give it to you." You can hear a dry uncomfortable chuckle come from my tiny form as I tried to make myself even smaller than I already was without becoming a ball on the sidewalk. I felt hot, my whole body was on fire, maybe I actually will spontaneously combust.

"It's whaeva'." I watched him as he pulls his headphones over his ears and walks away, leaving me cringing over my complete and utter stupidity. I wonder how he always manages to look bored without fail though.

"Hola." I waved at my family as I pull my black Nikes, that I desperately need to clean, off at the shoe rack by the door, and off run to my room so I can finally take off my clothes and sit in my underwear and an old t-shirt.

I threw off my socks, skirt and button-up then unclipped my bra and threw on the ancient dark green snoopy shirt my dad had given be ages ago. I loved that shirt; it was light and airy and was so big on me it was like I was drowning in the smooth fabric. I click my speaker on and hit play on whatever song had been paused, Pink Cigarette by Mr. Bungle, and climb onto my desk to open the window that leads to the fire escape, crawling out to sit out there.

I could hear lots of talking, Miles's uncle from upstairs, my family from the open living room windows, the people on the streets below me and my music flowing out from my room through the open window where I was sitting and mumbling the lyrics. It was peaceful. The metal bars were cold as I leaned back against them and closed my eyes to just listen to everything that was surrounding me. I would do this all the time, it was like my escape from everything, If I could stay here forever, away from everyone and everything else, I would in a heartbeat.

"... Shot right through my heart, why let these hoes tear what we had right apart? ... I was so mad." I whispered random words to Beware by Big Sean, Lil Wayne, and Jhené Aiko as it drifts out to where I was situated. "Fuck you, I miss you or I hate you so much..."

I wince as the window above me is thrown open, having not expected the noise, I watched as Miles crawled out and look down at me with a bored expression on his face. He waves a peace sign at me, and I repeat the motion with a confused expression.

"Can see y'r underwear from up 'ere."

"Pinche pendejo, since when d'you act all fucking friendly like we actually know each other?" I grumbled out as I covered my burning hot face with my hands after flipping him off as I tug my shirt down to cover myself more. I hastily move to scramble back in my room, taking one last look at him as I close my window and the curtains and blinds to put on some pajamas so I can find something to eat. "Dios, te quiero."

God, I suck.

Same as always, I wake up extremely fucking exhausted, even if I get over six hours of sleep, dreading life and the fact that I have to exist. I find myself wondering all the time why my mind seems to hate everything, especially me. Hell, half the time I woke and wanted to go walk in front of my bus, and for what?

"God, this is fucking boring." I mutter under my breath as I crack my knuckles, disappointed when I don't hear a series of satisfying cracks due to overly repeating the motion. My voice cracks as I continue to whisper nonsense to myself. It was the week before Thanksgiving, I just wanted it to be over so I could make mashed potatoes like always. I lay my head against my desk, frowning, trying to get into a more comfortable position without taking my headphones off, considering just bursting into tears as I lay there. I shift so my arms are blocking the light from my face as I huff, wanting to just walk out.

 I'm alone, I'm all alone again, people keep leaving and I'm stuck all alone, by myself, it makes me feel so sick. What did I do? Why do people feel the need to just pretend that I'm not really there, that I haven't been there, like I'm a fucking ghost and not a person.

I am constantly surrounded by people and yet it's like I don't even exist to anyone half the time. That doesn't hurt at all. I could sit silently in a room with people I don't know, people I'm barely acquainted with, even with friends and it would be like I'm not there. That's why I always try to be as loud as I can, repeat myself constantly when I'm talked over. If it's like I'm not really there to people to begin with, what the point in staying? There's really no point in me being anywhere anymore. I don't want to be anywhere anymore.

I'm startled out of my daze, my eyes opening frantically as I shift to find whatever noise heard above my blaring music. "Y're crying...?"

"Excuse me?" My eyebrows scrunch up, expression warping into a scowl as I stare up at the one and only Miles, shuddering as I realize that yes, he is correct, I'm crying. One of my hands comes up to brush against my cheeks feeling the very evident, still flowing tears. It's hard to breath, I feel hot. "Oh, sorry."

"What? Don'- huhff, never mind, whatever." I watch him, watch all the odd emotion I can't place swirl around in his eyes, barely reflecting on his feature besides a plainly bored expression. When he finally turns away from me and sits at his desk on my left, it's like I can breathe again, flopping back down against my desk, my arms encasing my face to once again block out the bothersome light.

"Fuck," I choke out, further burying my face in my arms as a pitiful attempt to suppress my pathetic, stinging tears from flowing, to no avail. I suck, God, I fucking suck. I go on and on about how I don't like being around people and how everyone's the worst yet the second I'm sat somewhere by myself it's like in fucking dying that's how much (emotional) pain I'm in.

I'm asleep before the lesson even starts, ignorant to the world around me and about the fact that a twin spider was scurrying about above me, searching for its kin, following the scent of it here, where the traces vanish. The small arachnid lowers itself from a web towards me, gently resting itself on the back of my neck to stable itself before deciding to move. Scurrying down the expanses of my neck, the spider settled on the junction between my neck and right shoulder. Its sharp fangs biting down harshly enough to wake me from my uncomfortable slumber, venom spilling into my disgusting bloodstream as I harshly shudder. A hushed pained groan tumbles from my cracked lips. I shudder again, feeling the poison pour its way into me, morphing with my blood cells, creating something disgusting and new to this dimension.

Another pained hiss is drawn from me as the small arachnid draws its fangs from my skin, small drops of blood falling from them, staining my skin in warm red. Luckily, the process was swift, not lasting more than a few seconds, quick little thing. My mind finally deciding, once it was over, to smack the small creature who had attached itself to me, killing the poor thing.

My face morphs into one of disgust as I dart up from my desk, ignoring the confused scowls thrown my way as I scurry from the classroom, neck dripping with two small trails of thin blood. "Fuckin gross." I mutter groggily as I wipe the decapitated body onto a shitty paper towel and toss it into the trash after I ball it up. Glancing in the mirror, I turn the sink on, wetting my hands before covering my palms in foamy soap only for it to be washed down the drain seconds later. My attention is now on my neck, disgusting, as I gather up paper towels, wetting them to dab on the spot, ridding it of the quickly drying blood. Disgusting.

"Great," I mutter, my voice dripping with sarcasm. "Of course, this shit happens to me, not even fucking surprised at this point."

Music continues to blast through my ears as I walk back to the classroom I just ran out of, I'm not in a rush, I'll just fall back asleep when I'm at my desk so what's the point in sprinting back? After I've made my way back to my shitty ass plastic seat, resting my head against my desk, I'm asleep again, thank fuck. How come the chairs in lots of school are not designed for sitting in for an extended period of time, so obnoxious. I could be sitting in one for twenty minutes and my ass starts aching. God, I suck.

I have dreams where I'm in love. More often than not I know that they're not real, and I find myself not wanting to wake up, wanting to stay in a made-up realm where someone loves me back. There are, unfortunately, times where I can't tell that they are dreams, I get sucked in, consumed with the euphoria that someone wants me, and when I wake up it's like my entire world just shattered before my eyes. Though, in a way a world did shatter, if you think about it, I guess. Everything about my mind loves to torment me. I hate that it'll convince me of false truths even in my sleep.

I wonder why my thoughts do that, convince me of something beautiful only to violently shake me awake into a world where I'm alone. That's pretty fucked, isn't it? Well, whatever.

I wake up dazed, my eyes foggy and welling up again as they search the room for a dream, God I suck. "I'm all alone again." A hushed whisper spill from my throat as blink slowly, God, I suck. "Oh fuck." Could I be any worse, mumbling bullshit to myself in my sleep, in the middle of class at that.

Wait, wait, now I have 'Crank That' stuck in my head. Never mind, crisis averted, we all good. What was I thinking about just now, other than the usual?

"Godfuckingdammit." I swear under my breath as I stare down at the phone in my lap, flinging my leg off of my dear friend.

"Hm?"

"Nothing," I wave her off, shaking my head as I pace back and forth then walk off to the bathroom as I tear the headphones off my head. "Stings, unholy shit." I hiss, yanking paper towels from their holder and getting them damp to hold them against the bite on my neck. "Oh, fuck me." Tears build up in, threatening to spill from my water line as I bite the skin of my cracked lips, disgusting force of habit. "Stings, stings, stings, stings, stingsstingsstings." A bell rings and I swear at myself before going back to Nefeli and grab my things to go to my next class. Just get through the rest of the day, Delirium.

"I'll be okay." I breath out as I poke my throbbing forehead, scrunching my eyebrows together as I do, which definitely doesn't help the headache. For the split-est of seconds, the tip of my index finger feels stuck to my forehead, I ignore it. It's probably just my mind playing tricks on me to make me feel stupid like always.

"Whatever," I mutter as I toss out the paper towels and leave the bathroom to go back to my friend. The bell had unfortunately rung on my way back, students flocking out into the hallways to get to their next classes, most on their phones. I mockingly mouth the various popular social media audios pouring through the speakers of phones as I make my way to my things and friend. "But chu didn' haveta cut me off!" Humming as I wander in that direction.

After the school day is over, I hang out with Nefeli for an hour or two, then slowly make my way back to my humble abode, late. God, I suck.

My head tilted down, eyes trailing the wrinkles in the fabric of my mother's side of the bed as tears fall onto them next to my uncomfortably positioned knee. Don't get me wrong, my parents are in no way mean or controlling people. I was just their, not problem child exactly, I just brought out all of their anxiety and fears because of how I am. I mean, what parent wants a kid that is the way that I am. When I'm late they get worried, lecture me, and my brain over-catastrophizes it and it feels like the world is ending anytime anyone is upset with me, especially them.

They'll say things in a way that my brain processes in a way that vastly over-dramatizes the intensity of their words, causing me to panic. And it's like I hear them talking, but I can't understand what they're saying, all I can hear is that they're upset, then all I can think is 'They don't want me,' or 'Why am I even here, I just make everything worse,' 'I keep causing trouble, I'm making people sad, I'm making people upset, I do it enough already' or 'Fucking god, I need to fine a pencil sharpener,' 'Die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die,' 'Kill yourself, Delirium.' God, how I want to.

Now, you may think that my thought process is extreme, or that I'm being dramatic, but I'm being one thousand percent honest when I say that it's so much worse than this, I don't even know how to put into words how I feel in times like this.

"Can, you answer, look at me, you can't just shut down." My mom spoke, it was just her right now, my dad was at the office today. I blink, tears falling from my soaked lashes as I barely tilt my head up, refusing to make eye contact. My brain felt fuzzy. "You need to say something, please talk."

"I- I don't..." I could barely hear myself speak, shoulders slumping further down as the backs of my hands come up to harshly rub against my stained cheeks. "I-"

"Speak up so I can hear you, and you can just stare at your feet you need to look at me."

"I don't know," Volume hardly raised as I spoke again. "I don't know, mama, I don't know."

"'I don't know' isn't an answer, you can't just keep saying you don't know, Delirium."

"But I don't! I really don't know, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." My breathing became shallow, I could feel my heartbeat in my chest and ears, but my ears were heating up at the same time. "I- I don't know, I'm sorry. I'm sorry!"

Rummaging through my underwear drawer where I hide all my secrets to find my stash of shit that was supposedly all locked and hidden away. I smile a disgusting broken grin as I shake them, carefully ripping the wrappings to free the small wonders. Metal glimmering in the shine of the light coming from my ceiling from where it's resting on my knee as I lick the blood off my fingers after catching where it rolled down my wrists and hips. Crumpling the opened foil trash as I wipe the water leaking from the corners of my lips, staring down at the unopened.

A strangled gasps bubbles in my throat as I put the metal back in its respective containment, tossing it away from me as I gather up the trash and its unopened friends. Gnawing at my lip as tears once again well up and spill out and breath speeds up.

"Help, please," I whisper as I dump the contents of my hands onto my parent's bed, hyperventilating as I did so before going to hunch over my mama's toilet.

Next, I'm in the hospital, watching my mom as my sister in a daze, high out of my fucking mind as I repeatedly tell my sister to smile. It felts like years that we were sitting in that waiting room full of disgusting ass sick people, there was the man in handcuff that caught my attention, cop on either side of him, I seemed to have caught his attention too. The woman who spoke to me before they had taken me to my, not even a room, it was just a curtain had asked me my I was there, I look at my sister and hesitated before dragging my sleeve up my arm and telling her in a shaking voice that I tried to...

When she asked me why, I didn't have a real answer.

I was hooked up to all the fancy shit, struggling, whining and crying as much as I could with what little energy I had to fight off the people coming at me to stick an IV needle in me. I was still high as a fucking kite, not fully understanding anything that was happening around me, confused as to why my sister was throwing such a fit when my dad came to take her home. I was still high as a fucking kite when I agreed to let them take me away, just nodding as they tell me I'll be leaving tomorrow and that I won't be back for a week.

My mom stayed with me the whole night, sleeping next to me in a shitty plastic chair, trying to make sure I was eating and drinking water even though I had no energy to. 'I'm sorry,' I would whisper to her repeatedly and she would tell me that I shouldn't be every time. She would tell me that it was an accident, and that I didn't mean to do it when I did, I couldn't have really meant it when I did it.

I don't know why that night was a breaking point, but it wasn't an accident, I think she knows it too.

Chapter Text

↪...Fuck || Johnny Rain is now playing...

I hate Thanksgiving. I fucking hate Thanksgiving.

When I first got out of the hospital, I would barely speak a word to anyone.

I sat on a Shirly Temple red spinning bar stool in the bathroom that I took from the island in the kitchen, sitting in front of the sink while I stirred my hair dye mixture together with the hot pink applicator brush. When it's smooth and shiny and there aren't any big-ish clumps, I start sectioning out my hair with hair ties and clips then skip a song I didn't want to listen to. I slip on the shitty plastic disposable gloves that came with one of the dye containers, already spotting holes in the flimsy plastic, and begin coating my head in cherry red dye.

The process was a mess, red was staining the marble countertop of the poor bathroom sink, my skin, somehow it got on the walls, the floor under me. Who knows how I managed that. When I'm finally done, I pull back all of my hair into a short, minuscule ponytail and clean off all the stains to the best of my very poor ability then set a timer on my phone as I walk to my room to crawl out into the fire escape. "It'll be Christmas soon, huh?" I whisper as I peer down at the street to see lights twinkling in the 'dark'.

I scroll through my phone as music spills out of its speaker, quietly murmuring the words of songs as they come and go, glaring at my refection of gleaming tears spilling down my cold cheeks on the screen for a spit second before sighing. I turn off my phone and rest my chin on my arm as I watch the cars zoom past, harshly running through half frozen puddles, the people interacting with each other as they walk, it all looks small, well, smaller than usual. Being all the way up here made me feel bigger than everything and everyone else. It was extremely intoxicating, but also terrifying. I like that word: intoxicating.

"Y're up 'ere a lot, huh? Well, usually, haven' seen ya ina while." What? Were you looking for me or something? Miles had snapped me out of my trance when he spoke from the open window above me, head peeking through to look down at me, arms dangling, and a branch covered in half-dead leaves hanging from his hands. It was baffling to me that he was talking to me at all. "'cept this time y'r ass isn' out, tha's too bad I liked the view." I stared at him with a burning hot, red face, quick to wipe away stray tears with my palms.

"Cállate, I was... out." Out, ha, yeah fuckin' right. I'm at group therapy every weekday from 3 till 8 and when I get home, I'm fucking exhausted, my bad for not sitting outside in the freezing and hanging out in a cloud of my crippling depression. I bury my face in my palms as I watch him walk down the stairs of the fire escape and sit next to me, his legs dangling down the stairwell opening as he tosses the branch after taking some of the leaves, crushing them in his hands. "You didn' even see my ass anyway... Do you need somethin?"

"Didn' we go ta the same middle school?" And elementary. I shift so I'm crossing my legs facing him, resting my chin on my palm. "I think I remember you wit that green hair. Weren't you at my house one time when we were younger too?" How the fuck did he remember that? I barely remember that.        

"Yeh, we moved here summer after 3rd grade year and then I stared 4th here, y'r mom had us over about a year after we first showed up." I shrug and look at some guy drinking a plastic bottle of water under us then at a dog running from a little girl, acting like it was racing her. "I think I dyed it green 'cause of the name on the box, sea witch or some shit.

"Whasit gonna be this time?" I suddenly felt self-conscious and awkward because parts of my forehead, ears and neck were stained pink, cheeks and ears burning as I take a short breath to ease the ache in my stomach.

"Uhh it's a lot," I skip another song, it was always so hard for me to find the words to talk to him, "'S gonna be dark red and magenta on top, then underneath it's gonna be really dark purplish blue."

"Pretty," I heard him mumble under his breath then turn to look at me, "Come out when 's done, I wanna see." My alarm started blaring and I jump, my eyes widening at the loud sound, then turn it off.

"I should go wash this shit out, I'll see ya." He nods then stands up, I follow and crawl back into my room then turn around to wave at him and watch him walk up the narrow stairs, he looks down at me one last time before going back into his uncle's place through the window. I smile to myself as I stumble out of my room with a stained towel and make an unintelligible noise at my sister who's watching Futurama as I close the bathroom door.

After I've dyed the bathtub a pastel pink, I throw open the shower curtain and wrap my towel around my shivering figure, not wanting to glare at it in the fogged mirror. I pull off the towel and bend over to dry my hair. When I'm dry, I put back on my 'dye' clothes and dig through the cupboard under the sink to find the old, blue hair dryer. It was buried under a mountain of soap among other things, and I pull it out and plug it into the wall. It was loud and hot, even when I clicked the cool button, but it was better than letting my hair air dry, I was too impatient for that, I wanted to finish dying my hair now.

My head is once again covered in dye, it's sectioned off by color and I set another timer. I sit next to my sister who is playing on her Switch, and I change the show to The Simpsons. I zone out while watching and don't realize that the episode ended until my sister exclaims 'Click the button!' I do what she said then stand up to get fresh ice water from the kitchen. As I'm walking back to the couch I almost trip over one my cats as she runs past me, some of my water spilling from the mason jar. Halfway through the 3rd episode my alarm goes off and I pause the show and hand the PlayStation controller to my sister so she can watch something else.

To my surprise, my hair didn't turn out that bad. It'll look better after it's dry, but it looks good on my shitty self-cut, choppy short hair, I still needed to get my mom to re-shave my undercut, but I don't remember what she's doing right now, I think she's out with her friend at some craft store. I quickly shoot her a text saying 'shave me when u come home?' and she messages back 'I will tomorrow' I leave the bathroom after reading her response to show my sister. She does her little 'ooo, aaa' thing and claps as I spin around and shoot her a massive grin. I go back to where I was on the couch earlier and jump slightly as the house alarm goes off and my mom walks through the door with a bag of yarn.

After I'm done watching tv with my sister because our parents sent us to bed, I go back to my safe haven on the fire escape and call Nefeli on Instagram so we can facetime, and so she can see my hair. "Ay, dios mios this shit took forever." It turned out to be red fading into a dark red wine color on top and black but navy blue in the light on the bottom after it was dry.

"Yeah, but it looks good though," She was playing some game on her tablet.

"Wait, so I know I've asked this multiple time bu' I fer real don' remember, when are you gonna rebleach your hair?" Nefeli has had half black half bleached hair since middle school. I set my phone down on my thigh so I could put my hair up.

"I've told you this shit before," she giggles and side eyes me, "I'm not gonna fer a while, I've jus' been leavin' it alone." I nod even though she's looking at her tablet and can't see me.

"How's your novia?"

"Bien, I'on' get why you on't jus' ask 'er yourself."

"Because I know you like talking about them." I whisper and smile to myself. We sat there for a while just enjoying each other's presence even though we weren't sitting next to each other. "It's snowing, Eli." After hearing lots of rummaging, she hums and responds back "Y're right, i's pretty." then Miles bursts through the window above me for the second time today resulting in my soul leaving my body out of surprise, a screeching yelp leaving me.

"Uhhhh Eli I'll call you back-" Before she could respond I hung up and looked up at him, honestly, I wasn't sure if he was kidding earlier when he said he would come see me again. "Quit scaring the shit out of me, asshole."

"Te ves bonita." My brain short-circuits and I can't form an intelligible sentence, so I just trail his body walking down the stairs with my eyes and lick my bone-dry lips.

"I- uh thanks?" I somehow manage to studder out despite my brain being goo for nearly a month now.

"Wanna get outta 'ere?" He holds up a backpack with spray paint stains splattered all over it and towers over my shrunken figure as I stare up at him like a star stuck fan, awe written all over my face. If he can't tell how I feel, then he must be blind.

"Uh, I mean, um, WAIT! What?"

"D'you wanna come paint wi'me?"

Without thinking, I nod, climbing into my room to grab my sisters slides and another old-ass oversized hoodie. I throw my phone onto my desk chair as I crawl out and close my window from the outside. I zip up my hoodies as I look up at him as I follow him down the many flights of steps then around the city until we're in the subway station. He motioned for me to follow as he walked down tracks, the lights were dim, and I stared at my feet as we walked so I wouldn't trip and fall on my face like a dumbass.

I soaked and shivering as we walk to an abandoned area with metal and wire everywhere and a fence that blocked off the place and a locked door made of fence as well. "You gonna kill me or some shit?" I muttered and he let out a small chuckle. That isn't a 'no'. On the door was a sign that read 'Restricted Area, Authorized Personal Only', Miles climbed the fence, and I followed behind him, I had been around this place with Nefeli before but never inside it, so I was curious but cautious of my surroundings and Miles. If this bitch tries anything, I'll tug on his fucking braids.

I had followed the endless corridors full of various garbage, especially spray paint cans and booze bottles, to an area full of graffiti. By that point Miles had flipped on some lights and pulled a speaker out of his bag pocket then turned on some music. He unzipped his bag and pulled out a shit ton of spray paint bottles as I was looking around admiring the art.

"You do any a' this?" I traced some of the lettering with my fingers then pulling them off the wall to look down at them.

"Yeah," I could hear him pulling the cap of a one of the cans and start painting. "Most'a the stuff over 'ere"

I look over at where he's standing and audibly gasp, only slightly dramatically, my eyes widening slightly "Mierda that's good." He turns and looks at me with a smirk then goes back to the painting he was currently working on. I admire his work and my eyes continuously trail the words 'Too many expectations' beautifully spray-painted onto the wall, the piece was colorful and had an outline of him in the middle, I assume, it made me want to be as good as he, better than he is. Then it felt like my neck had this overbearing throbbing stinging sensation, but I shook it off thinking my mind was playing tricks on me like usual.

"Tch- Fuck!" I wince and smack the space right between my neck and shoulder, I can feel a spot pulsing under my hand and quickly go to rub my thumb with a disgusted and pained expression on my face. "Fucking gross, it's still there, it's been weeks." Stupid ass mother fucking spider bite.

"Ya good?"

"Yeah, just a random cramp or some shit." Evading the question poorly, I walk over to sit on some debris next to him and his speaker, watching him work.

Should I have sneaked out with a boy I barely know, in the middle of the night on a Sunday as a 15-year-old freshman with school the next morning, during winter no less? No, but I don't regret it and I didn't get caught. I've been so down and bored as shit since I got out of the hospital that I didn't think any of it through. Should I have taken a closer look at the spider that bit me a few weeks ago? Yes, definitely, because why the fuck do my hands keep sticking to shit, I keep ripping important papers.

I shake my phone twice to turn on the flash and examine my hands and sure enough, there are teeny tiny barely visible in the light hairs on my fingertips. I shimmy out of my hoodie and oversized tee-shirt and go sit in front of my vanity with my flash still on and find the spot where that spider bit me in the mirror. There was a very prominent bite mark and my veins surrounding it were turning a blueish purple.

"What the shit." I poked the bite mark, instantly regret it because it hurt like a bitch and stood up to clean it. I try to be as quiet as possible as I search the bathroom for a wound cleaning solution, Neosporin and a Band-Aid. After I'm doing what my mom taught me on cleaning cat scratches. I tiptoe back to my room trying not to trip over any cats following me and running under my feet, as they're meowing their little hearts out, trying to get my attention. I climb up my ladder to my bed and flop onto my pillows.

I groan loudly as move again, my chest and arms hang off the side of the bed and my hands swipe for the water bottle on my desk under my bed even though I know I can't reach. I keep doing this, not wanting to get up until something transparent shoots out of my wrist? hand? and grabs one of the glass paperweights I made in middle school that was next to the bottle. My arm is pulled down slightly by the weight of the glass and I just stare in utter shock and complete terror.

"What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck? What the FUCK?!" I pull whatever is connected to my wrist up to me and try to untangle it from the paperweight. "Why did this shit have to happen to me?" My eyes begin to water, and fat hot tears spill down my cheeks and onto my bed sheets. "First that, now this. Hasn't enough happened to me already?" I aggressively rub my tear-stained cheeks with my blanket and go back to untangling my glass art.

After I finish untangling and put the paperweight back and the thing that came from my wrist in a plastic bag then into my underwear drawer with all the other things I want to hide. I climb back onto my bed and go straight to sleep, hoping that this whole thing was a dream and I'll be fine in the morning.

I was not fine in the morning when my mom woke me and my sister up for school. The bag was still there in the drawer and the blueish purple had spread and is now peeking out from under the Band-Aid. My breathing became shallow as I sunk onto my rug with my hands on my head. My mom called my name again and I quickly replied, I was up trying my hardest to make it sound like I hadn't been crying for the last 15 minutes as I yell that I'm awake.

For once I was happy that we had uniforms so I could cover up the mark with the collar of my shirt. While I was on the bus, I scrolled through Google trying to find answers to what was happening to me and all I could find were comic books in different variations of the lovely 'Spiderman'. I've loved Spiderman since I was a little kid, but there is no way in fucking hell that stuff like that is real, right? Since that was all I could find I clicked on one of the links and I took me to the first volume. I opened it thinking it would distract me from whatever was happening with my body, but really the same thing happened to me that happened to Spiderman, mostly. I mean we both got bit by a spider and started sticking to stuff and had WEBS??? shooting from our wrists. I'm not no fuck ass spider. I kept rereading the same sentence over and over even though I knew prior to reading that was how he got his powers. It never once crossed my mind that this was what was happening to me.

I am not a fucking comic book character, why is the same thing that happened to Peter in some old ass comic book happening to me? All I know is I'm not gonna go jump off a fucking 20 story building.

"Sorry I hung up on you last night," I looped my arm through Nefeli's as we walk the rest of the way to the school's campus from my bus stop. "Ok, so, ya know how Miles's uncle lives above me? Well, the other night I was out on the fire escape like usual, 'nd Miles comes out and tells me he can see my fuckin underwear, so I run away." She laughs her ass off as I'm trying to explain, "Cállete cabróna, anyway, so, I was out there yesterday when I was waiting to wash the red outta my 'air and he comes out again and walks down the fuckin stairs and sits next to me saying he remembers me from middle school and asks what my hairs gonna be when 's done," I pause to breath then continue, "So I tell 'im, then he tells me I shou'come back out when i's done and by that point 'm jus' staring at 'im like a love-struck dumbass. Then my alarm goes off and I leave. When 'm back outside on call with you he comes back out and that's why I hung up, then we go hang out in the old, abandoned parts a the subway station and I watch him spray paint, which looking back was prob'ly not'a good idea because I barely know him, but I wasn' thinking straight." I don't tell her about the spider or anything because I've read more than enough to know this is something you keep to yourself. "You're still comin over tomorrow, right?" I haven't talked that much in a while, Jesus Christ.

"Yeah, also WHY THE FUCK DIDN' YOU TELL ME SOONER?!" She screeches out and I giggle nervously. "You should have at least told me that he saw your underwear."

"To be fair, a lotta people 've seen my underwear." I try to justify why I didn't tell her, when really, I was still embarrassed about it. "See, the thing is, I was gonna but then I forgot."

"Y're fuckin lyin," she pouts and turns her head away from me, "I bet you thought 'bout that shit a billion times after it happened and still didn' tell me." That was true.

"I'm sorryyyy," I whine and nuzzle my cheek against her shoulder before moving to zip up my hoodie more. "I'll tell you the second anything else happens, I promise." We talk about nonsense until were at the entrance of the school where we part ways. "Te amo!" I shout at her as she walks down the hall and I turn and walk the opposite direction.

I was waiting in the library where me and Nefeli always eat on an uncomfortable padded chair while scrolling through my phone with a Capri Sun in my hand. Miles walks past where I'm sitting and sits in a chair a few yards away from me and I smile to myself. Nefeli loudly announces her presence, I do the same to her all the time, and sits next to me with a Tupperware full of her nana's Panamanian food. I rest my legs on top of hers and snatch her phone out of her pocket to read online comics.

"'m coming next time nana makes a big meal," She holds a spoon full of curry in front of me and I take it into my mouth.

"Yeah, I know." She takes a sip of my Capri Sun. "Nana almost beat my ass last night when we were practicin' Spanish." I cackle and point at her, "You act like she won' do it to you too."

"Oh, I know she will, I love nana but she's scary when she helps us with Spanish class." I take another bite of Nefeli's curry, "I'm fuckin ass at pronunciation, I sound so awkward."

"Not when you're cussing me out in spanglish for doing stupid shit."

"Well, that's different because we're not standing in a circle in class talkin in Spanish at each other." I try to toss the emptied Capri Sun in the trash bin but miss, "Ohh, so close- I just feel hella awkward having a bad accent. Then having to listen to all the fully white kids with even worse accents try to pronounce shit makes me wanna end my life right then and there, cause c'mon even I'm better than that, ya know?" I walk over and put my trash in the bin that was on the floor.

Nefeli puts the lid back on the now empty container and puts it along with her spoon in her bag. I grab my bag from off the ground next to the couch as Nefeli stands up and slings her bag over her shoulder. We had our next class period together because it was Monday, we would always leave earlier so we aren't pushing past people when the halls were filled to the brim with students trying to get to their next period after lunch ended.

I whine into my sleeve as I slam my bag onto the ground and pull out my desk chair. "I wanna go homeee, I don't wanna have to go to fuckin geometry after this! Might as well kill myself." I sigh dramatically

"Ya think I wanna be here?" Nefeli grumbles as she pulls out her chair and sits next to me. "At least I'm comin over to y'r place tomorrow, so hush."

"No puedo Eli I wanna be in my room or the fire escape." I sigh loudly and accidentally bang my forehead on the edge of the desk. "Ah, fuck-" I wince and rub at where it hurt most. "Let's just get this shit over with."

I have to leave 30 minutes before school is done for therapy, so I get there on time, so I'm wait at the entrance for my mom to come get me. I'm staring at my phone when Miles walks past me and brush my shoulder with his fingertips. This startled me, my face quickly lighting on fire, I'm absolutely sure it was beet red. I quickly looked up to see him barely 2 feet ahead of me, walking away, acting like nothing happened. My fingertips were stuck to my phone, so I just shove my hand in my pocket hoping they'll unstick themselves, not wanting to think about what was happening. STOP FUCKING WITH ME MOTHERFUCKER!

When my mom texts me that she's going to be a few minutes late, I sigh, frowning, itching to scratch at the old red, open them up again. Then my thoughts drift to Miles. Why does he keep talking to me anyway? I've only ever seen him willingly talk to that one kid, Ganke, I think. Maybe he likes me? Haha, no better quit while you're ahead, not need to sound conceited. Why would anyone ever want you?

"There's no fuckin way that he likes me." I shake my head and squat with my arms hanging over my knees, face perking up slightly from my gloomy expression as I spot my mom, she's not even late.

I sat through another technically 4 and a half hours of group therapy, I usually got there around 3:20-30 then they'd send us to the back at 30 after to eat before we start 'activities'. We sit around doing bullshit that none of us want to do, just counting the hours till we can go home. I made a few friends there, hung out with all of the girls. I was relatively chill with everyone except this one guy that no one like, not even my parents when they would come to the once-a-week family nights. He was gross towards all the girls and would throw a fit at the slightest inconvenience.

I remember, a few days before the one good looking guy my age left, I'd say we were friends, I sure liked him; we were playing acting charades or some shit in the lobby, and me and him had sat out to be 'judges' just because we didn't want to play, we didn't wanna be there. But anyway, we sat together on one of the couches to watch, judge, making snarky comments about the one guy no one liked that only the two of us could hear, that was my favorite moment of that place. He was always nice to me, they all were for the most part, but I liked him and one other girl the most, I just wish I got his number before he left without saying goodbye to anyone, I still miss him, I miss a lot of people I met in those kinds of places.

I ran down to get Nefeli as soon as she got to my place, I slam open the door and pant from walking up and down all those flights of steps. I kick off my slippers and jog to the kitchen for food with Nefeli trailing behind me after greeting my mom and sister. After I grab a bowl of cereal and Nefeli a pack of gummies, we end up on the carpet in my room.

"Bro I wanna take a nap," I huff, making sure my bowl is mostly safe and secure I my lap, hoping that it won't spill on my rug. "Let's watch Euphoria, I've never seen it." We scrolled through her phone trying to find it only to end up getting distracted and never actually putting it on, oh well. Mama calls us out for food later, I didn't even realize that much time had passed until we walk out, and I peak to look out the window behind our TV. I slowly ate half of a ground beef stuffed bell pepper, not having any real energy to consume vast amounts of food.

After we made our way back to my room, we settled back on the floor, laughing and talking over whatever show we had put on. By that time, I had already put on my pajamas, well, a shirt that I deemed suitable to sleep in, I've never liked sleeping in pants for whatever reason. I had been picking up a little, throwing clothes into my laundry basket and other random shit on my floor onto my dresser or vanity. Nefeli just talks to me as I clean, it helps keep me focused, looking up at me every so often from her game to see what I'm doing.

I would wince when the junction of my neck would throb and sting, desperately trying to not make it obvious that I was in any pain. She can't know, no one can know, I won't let anyone find out. That's when my hands suctioned to the stuffed cow I was holding, taking a deep breath so I could un-stick and toss him up onto my bed. After feeling that I had done enough, it wasn't much at all, I was in no way done, I go back to my seat next to Nefeli, giggling with her as we go on to talk about what ever topic we had left off on.

The smell of my sister's toaster waffles wafted through the air throughout our home and in through the crack of the almost closed door of my room as Nefeli stared at the screen, eyes full of confusion and fear she looked baffled. I give her a wide nervous smile as she turns to me then back to the screen again, I almost regret putting this show on for her, almost.

"Wait, the fuck is up with your teeth?" She pulls up my upper lip and I open my mouth further, "Wait, wait, wait, you gotta see this shit! Y'r teeth look sharper, not freaky vampire but they're different than before, I guess, jus don' move," She pulls out her phone to take a quick picture then turns it to show me.

"Gross, your whole ass phone was basically jus in my mouth." I scowled at her before looking down at the picture, "Huh, they do look kinda different," Nefeli moved her head to follow me with her eyes as I walked over to my vanity and poke my now sharp teeth. "This is fuckin weird." My friend just gives me an awkward shrug. "Alrighty then I'm done poking my fuckin teeth because it's weird and gross. Y'r not jus tryna change the subject 'cause that girl jus' accidently hung herself right?"

"Girl, that was defiantly not a accident, but no, I like it, that shi' jus' startled me."

"Startles me every time I watch it bro," I love horror, Mama's been scared of me watching it lately though, she doesn't want me to get any bright ideas, but why would I ever listen to my dear mother? "'M serious though, 's one'a my favorite shows, Eli."

"Tha's not surprising," She huffs with a smile. "y're always telling me about all the horror shit y'r into."

Nefeli's breath slowed and evened out as she slept next to me on my spare mattress on the floor next to my desk and music flooded the air. My loft bed couldn't support both of our weight so when she comes over, we sleep together on the ground. I sat under the blankets in some underwear set as I scrolled through some app on her phone as the sound of tapping against glass comes from outside, I flinch and turn towards my window to see Miles with a black hoodie on standing in my fire escape in the pouring snow. I tilt my head to the side offering a questioning sigh to the void before struggling to escape the confines of warmth and safety of the blankets Nefeli and I had been tangled together under. I practically trip over my own feet while stumbling to open the window and question the beautiful boy waiting for me in the rain.

"Soy yo." He murmured softly. "Y're in y'r underwear again." I quickly grab my skull robe and throw it loosely on.

"Whatever it's not like you haven't seen it before... Whadya want?" I push the window open and shiver as goose bumps prick my skin and cold-snowflakes fall onto my hot cheeks.

"Ion know, I'm hella bored'n can't sleep." He looked at me with exhausted eyes and I studied his face, there were dried tear streaks on his umber cheeks, and he looked like he just woke up. I decided not to question him about it.

"Whydya come here?"

"Felt like lookin at somthin pretty." He stated with a shrug and blood rushed to my cheeks as I rolled my eyes.

"Well, you can come in but shoes off and I have someone over so don't wake her up, she'll be pissed." I push the window open wider and motion for him to crawl in. I watched him as he sat down in my desk chair. I sunk onto my knees next to him before shifting to cross my legs and look up at him.

"You two dating?"

"Why do you care?" I side eye him, sighing before opening my mouth to speak. "No, she loves her girlfriend with all of her heart and she's like family but more to me, if that makes any sense," I grip my left wrist, redredredredred. "She saved me, if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be anywhere anymore. I love her, she's my best friend in the whole world." My nails scratch and dig into my wrist until I come to my senses and look over at him with a wide grin. "Besides I prefer guys, I'll date literally anyone though."

"Oh, well y're always all up on her so I thought."

"Yeah, no I'm just like that with people I'm closest with, especially her though."

"Hmm."

"I tend to get hella clingy with the people I love, I guess. Eli once told me she got in a argument with some girl 'cause the girl kept askin her why I was always all over her, even though I'm her best friend, I kinda tried to not touch anyone after that, but obviously I still cling to her." I stare up into his eyes.

"Stop lookin a' me like that."

"Like what?" I cocked my head to the side and shot him a soft glare.

"Like ya could fuckin, uh, take a bite outta me?" I am? When he spoke, it felt like my whole body had been set on fire in the best way possible, I had to hold back a full body shudder, I felt dirty.

"Haah? You soun' stupid."

"You heard me."

"Well, obviously but i'on know what y're talkin about." I give him a feign scorning look. "I'm not lookin at you in any sorta way."

"Oh, c'mon ma, ya are." His eyes twinkled as his seemingly stuck bored expression morphed into a smirk as he looked down at me and my brows furrow at 'Ma', but I ignore it.

"I'm not..." I basically let out a whine pathetically as I turn away from him and bring my gaze to my sleeping goddess of a best friend and bite my inner bottom lip. "I'm not."

"Sure, whatever ya say."

I try to quickly change the subject and current song playing as I scramble over to Nefeli and grab her phone, which is currently connected to my Bluetooth speaker, and skip the next few songs. I sigh heavily as if I had just done something worth a metal as I collapse onto my carpet and turn my head to smile up at him.

"You're pretty." I grin and begin fidgeting with my hands that are resting on the rug. Why the fuck did I say that? He looked at me with wide eyes and slightly parted lips.

"What? All I said was 'You're pretty' has no one ever told you that or sum'?"

"Nah, i's not that, it was jus random." He shifted in my chair as if to try to not seem oddly affected by very simple words.

"Well, if you're gonna be weird about it then sorry." I yet again try to change the subject and turn over on my side to grab Nefeli's tablet then roll over and sit up and pat the floor next to me. "Wanna watch somthin?"

"Sure." I had quickly decided on continuing The Haunting of Hill House I then pause it as soon as the episode that's currently playing starts and pause the music playing in the background and grab pillows and a blanket that were scattered around my room. I toss a pillow to Miles, who is now sitting with his legs crossed next to the tablet that is resting on the floor. I get situated next to him, laying on my stomach with a pillow under my chest and a blanket over my back and un-pause the show.

I've seen this show before, it's one of my favorites, but I was only half paying attention. My eyes kept drifting to Miles. It was wild to me that he was even in my room in the first place. I still didn't know him very well. I felt disgusting and ashamed that I wanted him so bad, every single part of him. I wanted him to want me. I wanted to surround him with myself, flood his mind with everything me, like he had unintentionally done to me.

"Hey, y're the one who put this shit on, pay attention." This quickly quieted any dirty or selfish thought that flooded my mind as I gaze up at him, cheeks burning. "What? Like what you see, mamí?" I shudder and suddenly all the dirty thoughts were back. I wanted to hear him call me that again, it made my whole body burn with horrible disgustingly delicious, twisted desire.

"I- yeah." I tried to focus on literally anything else but my whole body felt like it was on fire in the absolute best way possible. "Actually, I'ma get some water, you want any?" I need to cool down before my hands start sticking to shit again.

"Yah, sure, thanks." I nod then move to get up to quietly walk to my kitchen. I chugged a glass of water and splashed my face in the sink before grabbing a clean glass from the cabinet for Miles. I walked back to my room and cracked the door before slowly wandering back over to Miles, holding the glass in front of his face. He quickly grabbed it and set in on the rug next to him, with his empty hand he tugged my down by the wrist, and I practically collapsed on top of him.

"Uhh- What's up?" I muttered while trying to escape his grasp, so I don't melt into it.

"This shit is so fuckin' sad."

"Isn't most horror?" I breath out and accept my fate and stop struggling. I basically sprawled out in his lap, my arms hanging over his right leg and chest pressed against his thighs, his hand still latched onto my wrist. "Satán, te quiero." I murmur into my free hand as I stare at the tablet screen.

I hear him hum softly before shifting and leaning down so his face is hovering over mine. I turn my head to look up at him, the angle is awkward and I'm not even facing him all the way. "What? Now you're lookin at me weird." He leaned down even further, his lips ghosting mine as he spoke lowly.

"¿Me deseas, mamí?" I swallow what little spit was in my mouth and tremble in his lap, waiting for him to actually kiss me. The sensation of his lips just barely brushing against mine made me weak. He was taking too long, so I pulled him down by the collar of his hoodie and pressed my lips against his.

Chapter Text

↪What's Up Danger || Blackway, Black Caviar is now playing...

I was standing at the edge of one of the tallest buildings I could find, I felt disgustingly dizzy as I watched the chaos of this city play out in front of me. In a sick, twisted way it was kind of beautiful. It was dark and the lights reflected off all the glass buildings and when my eyes when out of focus it was like everything was made of stars. I told myself some odd days prior that I wasn't going to jump off of any buildings like Peter Parker did in the comics, but here I am taking a 'leap of faith'. When you think about it, this was kind of inevitable, wasn't it? I mean, of course I'm going to see what my body can do other than stick to things and fling webs from my fucking wrists. From my 'vast' knowledge of a fucking comic series, he had superhuman strength and all of the things I have, now, I haven't really tested the strength thing, but without realizing before, everything felt a bit lighter than it did before, I guess.

My hood was pulled as far over my face as it could get, and a black disposable mask was over my nose and mouth. I pulled down the mask to get a breath of fresh air then pull it back up. "Oh hohohoho, you dumb bitch," I laugh, well I guess, if such a self-deprecating noise could almost be classified as a laugh.

I had imagined scenarios similar to this under different circumstances, though before it wasn't to survive. I'd often romanticize and fantasize about death, (obviously) it's intrusive and I get stuck in it, but it seems like it would be so lovely to just die. That's not why I'm here today though, but if anyone saw me, they would think different. Actually, I had a fear of heights, but there was something so enticing about being up so high, I felt superior to everyone and everything on this sickening planet. I liked looking down at the world as if I'm better than it even when I felt like I'm the scum of the earth.

I braced myself to jump, part of me wanting to not try to catch myself with my webbing and just fall. I sat down on the edge to take a breath. I stood back up and turned around so my back way facing the open air, I spread my arms out wide, and tears pricked my eyes as a wide grin etched itself onto my pale freckled face under my mask. I took a step back then I was falling. My mind was screaming 'Save yourself you dumb bitch,' and 'Keep falling, smash into the fucking ground like you deserve.' Suddenly there was a weird tingling sensation in my brain that shook me out of my trance.

Then I was suddenly slammed into someone, incased in their arms and throw back onto the building as we collied into the roof, the person still wrapped around me. Well shit. That's not what was supposed to happen. I became consumed my panic and disappointment as I tried to sit up and untangle myself from the person who had grabbed me. Then I realized that it was the Prowler who had snatched me. Of-fucking-course, wish this was something I could talk about in group therapy, whatever.

"I- Uh- It's not what it looks like, probably," I mumble, my voice muffled by the mask as I tug on some hair spilling from my hood as I stand up and brush off my hands. I look down at him as he was still sprawled out beneath me. I wonder what's under that mask. "Sorry and thank you, I guess, even though I didn't need any saving." I grumbled that last part into my hand. "And thanks, fer the other time too, I think like around a year ago ya'saved me from a guy who was followin me, 'nd I never said thank you, so I am now."

"Well, it looked like you were tryna kill yourself." He huffed out in a gruff voice with a Spanish accent, a gorgeous voice that'd make a weak little boy shake in his boots. I had one of those whole-body shivers, my eyes widening for a split second, going out of focus before they focus back on his neon purple mask. That was the first time I've ever heard him speak, even when he saved me, he didn't say a word. He kinda reminds me of Miles. "Don't do shit like that, live a happy and full life."

I wasn't gonna argue because what I had to say didn't make any sense, and besides, that's not exactly how shit mental health works, but whatever. If words as simple as 'live a happy and full life' worked in such mysterious ways, I would have been 'cured' years ago.

"Okay."

"Get outta'ere." I nod and move to go climb down this building.

Well, that was a fucking bust.

Okay time to find a different building, I'm doing this now or I'll never be able to do it. I found another building roughly the same height as the previous one that was quite a bit further away. I wanted to try climbing up this one too but there was this voice in the back of my head once again, 'What if you fall this time?' and 'I hope you do fall.' I pushed the voices down as best as I could and press my hands against the cool glass.

I slowly pressed one foot against the wall as well, testing what would happen, nothing, okay it's going good, like last time, then the other, NOTHING! I'M UP AND I'M OKAY, FUCK YEAH! I steadily crawled up the wall, still nervous that I might fall. I get up to the top and my hands are firmly griping the edge of the roof then my foot slips, eyes widening in shock, a sharp gasp bubbling up from my throat forcing its way through my cracked lips. My hands grip the edge even harder, the glass chipping and cracking underneath my grip. Damn, I guess I did get extra strength. I let out a panting breath of relief as I pull myself up and collapse onto the roof. I wanted to just melt into the cement beneath me and stay there until my bones dissolved into nothingness, but I knew I had to take the leap. That's all this really is, just a leap of faith.

As soon as my breathing evened out, I was sitting at the very edge of the building, my shoes pressed against the glass. My fingertips pressed against the glass next to my feet as I push myself off the roof and into the air and grin as the glass shatters beneath my fingertips and feet.

I was falling, I was falling, and it was the best thing I ever experienced in my whole life. I was being consumed by the cool air as I fell closer to the ground with a wide grin spread across my face and tears spilling from my eyes. My hood fell from my head and my poorly dyed hair swayed in the wind. That same tingling sensation shook me out of my deliriously heavenly trance, and I quickly launch webs from both of my wrist that connect to the where I was on the building.

I pull my hood back on as I swung from the web and my free fingers traced the glass of a building next to me. I ran across the side of another building and jumped to the roof of the next. I paused for a minute as my eyes trailed the cars beneath me and I swung away again. The whole experience was thrilling, intoxicating, I had that excited bubbly feeling in my stomach and I never wanted to stop, but I was also exhausted. I was tired so I went home, no longer having the desire to stare at the blaring lights as I zoomed past them.

I swung to the neighboring building of my home then jumped from it onto my fire escape and opened my window to crawl in and slump onto my rug next to my desk. I wanted my whole body to melt. I sighed heavily as I stand up and click on my speaker and crawl up my ladder to sprawl out on my bed. My eyes quickly became heavy, and I drifted to sleep.

I grin down at him as Miles pulls me down into his lap, so my thighs are on either side of his, caging him in. One of his hands is gripping my hip and his other is holding onto my jaw and my arms are draped over his shoulders. I lean down and press my lips against his. His tongue trails my bottom lip and his hand digs into my hip as I gasp. I stare up at the ceiling with a huge smile as his lips trail down my neck. He pauses to look up at me and eyes my take in his beautiful, disheveled appearance.

"You're so pretty, Miles."

I bolt awake at the sound of my alarm panting, one clutching my bedding, fingers and palm stuck, and the other on my bite mark. "Unholy shit, I'm even more dirty-fucking-minded in my sleep."

I jump at the sound of knocking on my window and clamber down my ladder, trying not to fall off and on to my bookshelf. Of course, it's him, I'm gonna kill myself. I sigh as I open my window and take in miles standing on my fire escape in his school uniform with his headphones around his neck, the neck I so desperately want to bite. Pause.

"What's up?" I pull what little hair I have up into a ponytail, half of it just falling back down again, waiting for me to fix it.

"Wanna walk to school wit' me?" His eyes scan my face, pausing at my lips before staring me in the eyes. There was this look about him, like he was worried or something, I wonder what it was about.

"Yeah, but ya coulda just went to my front door like a normal person." I smile. "My parents'll think 's fuckin' weird if you come outta my room with me so you can wait at the entrance of the building I guess, 'cause I'm not in the mood to get in trouble," He nods. "I'll be down in like seven?-ish minutes. Gimme a sec." I turn my head away from him, embarrassment painting my features as I crack my knuckles before harshly gripping the dark green fabric of my shirt, bunching it around my hips. "PUT A WAFFLE IN THE TOASTER FOR ME!" I turn back to him. "I have to change so unless you feel like watching me, I'll see you in a minute."

"What if I do?" He cracks a small goading smile.

"I- Just- Go downstairs!" My face feels hot as I watch his walk up the stairs and climb through his uncle's window. "Fucking embarrassing." My mind flashes to my dream, and I throw my hands over my eyes and groan. "How am I supposed to act around him now?"

"Hey Miles?" I flick my eyes toward the gorgeous boy walking with me to school. "Do you know how to fight?"

"Sí, ¿por qué?"

"A couple months ago, well, a year ago probably, a dude was following me and I'm fucking terrified it'll happen again," His eyes light up in recognition, buuuuuut I wasn't paying attention and didn't see it. I wasn't about to mention the Prowler or that I was also asking because of my stupid ass 'pOwErS', "Or that it'll happen to my sister, if I'm with her or not. I wanna be able to defend myself and my family, I guess."

"That makes sense, I can help ya out if ya want, ma."

"Thanks." I mumble out before glancing to my phone, I flinch as it starts vibrating in my hand and Nefeli's name pops up on the screen. "Hola hermosa, ¿qué pasa?"

"Deli! Y're comin to school, right?" Her voice was muffled from this side of the phone, and I lit up as I listened to her voice.

"Ye, I texted you earlier," I made a 'tch' noise with a cat like grin on my face. "This is why you should check your phone."

"Mkayy, I'll see you in a minute then, te amo."

"Te amo más. Bye bye." I shoved my phone in my pocket and look at Miles with a smile then someone catches my eye across the street. "TAE!" I toss my backpack on the ground next to my feet and look for cars before sprinting across the street into my best friend's arms. "I missed you." My arms are hooked around his neck as he spins me around.

"You look like ya got shorter." I know he's smiling even though I can't see his face in this position.

"Fuck off!" I giggle as he puts me down. "You just got taller," He was at least a foot taller than me, at least that's what it felt like. "Fuckin giant."

"You ever thought that maybe you're just a gnome?" I give him a feign offended gasp and link his fingers with mine. "Kidding, kidding."

"I'on't believe that for a fucking second!" I squeeze his hand and grin. "You never answer my texts anymore."

"I forget to," He snickers. "You text me at the most random ass times and I'm usually doing stuff." I flinch as Miles walks over to us with my bag slung over his shoulder.

"Oh Miles, sorry you didn't have to grab my shit." I let go of my friend's hand and quickly take my belongings from Miles. I felt my face burn with embarrassment that I just left Miles with my things without a second thought. Embarrassing, embarrassingembarrassingembarrassingembarrasingembarrassing. I looked over at him and he was watching me with a weird expression that I can't describe. "What's with the face?"

"What face?" I frown slightly before looking at the cracked pavement under our feet. Weird.

"Never mind!" I fake a grin and poke Tae's shoulder. "We have school, but you should come over to see me some time, I miss you ya'know?." I stand on the tip of my toes and wrap my arms around his neck and peck his cheek. He wraps his arms around my waist and buries his face in my neck. "You have school too, be a good kid!" I giggle.

"I know, I know. I love you." Warmth blooms in my cheeks and give him a quick squeeze before letting go.

"I love you too," I turn away from him and pull my bag over my shoulders. "I'll see ya."

"Who was he?"

"One of my best friends." I pull my phone out of my pocket to check the notification I just got. "Sorry again that I just dropped my shit and ran away," I chuckle, embarrassed. "I get overly excited when I see him."

"You like him?" I could hear a slight scoff in his voice.

"I used too, I dunno if I still do," I glance at the fence a few feet ahead of us then at my shoes. "But it was never the right time, and he didn't ever seem ta want me like that. I could wait for him for my entire life, and he wouldn't give me a second glance. A while ago I had called 'im and at one point, he told me he like some girl and I cried my eyes out, on the call. Him and my sister kept asking what was wrong, but I was too embarrassed to say anything. I was probably in love with him."

"Hm."

"I act like I've been over him though."

"He looks at you como él te quiere," I choke on my own spit and wave my hands in front of my chest. He has a frown on his face as he turns his head to make sure I'm not dying.

"NO! He does not. He very much so has some new girl he's been talking to, and he's been a dick ever since we started high school." I laugh and wipe my mouth with the back of my sleeve. I step in front of him and spin around so I'm facing him and walking backwards. He speeds up so I do too. We keep going like that until I'm backed up against a fence and his right hand is gripping my waist his left clinging to the fence next to my head. "Uhh? What's up?" I wanted to melt.

Then he kissed me. He leaned down and pressed his lips against mine and kissed me, as if it was a normal occurring thing that we did all the time. His grip on my waist became tighter as he moved his other hand to cup my cheek. I gasped as his tongue trailed my bottom lip, suddenly I could breathe again, and my knees buckled.

"Mierda" I breathed out as I buried my face in my hands. "The fuck was that for?"

"Sorry I shouldnta." He huffs out with an embarrassed look before letting go of me. Please don't let go.

"Y're good, it just surprised the fuck outta me." I wanna him to kiss me again. "Do it again?" I didn't care about the consequences or anything, I just wanted him, but that was only for like a spilt second, then I felt dumb and shook the whole thing off. "You don't have to." I laugh stupidly and push his chest away so we can continue walking to school. He grabs my wrist and yanks me back towards him and his lips are back on mine. It was short this time, but it still had the same effect. I felt elatedly dizzy as he pulled away and looked down at me.

"Let's go, mamí."

I don't say anything, just nod and follow him.

"You guys WHAT?!" Nefeli shrieked as she shook my arm.

"He started it," I pout and cross my arms. "It's not like it was the first time, you know this."

...

"But still."

"No 'but still'!" She whines. "You've liked this idiot since the fuckin beginning of 8th grade and now y're makin out in public and not saying anything about it to each other afterwards." Actually, since I moved here.

"It wasn't making out," I reply meekly. "And I don't wanna talk about it, we're not that close and what if it fucks up what little friendship if we do talk about it? BESIDES you and AJ make out in public without a care in the fuckin world."

"Eso es diferente, we're together. We been together." She scoffs then smirks down at me. "Y'all aren't, but this is just further provin my point that he likes you."

"He doesn't," I cry out and fidget with my jacket sleave.

"Mhm." She looks at me with her judging but loving eyes and snatches my water bottle from my side of the table. "Ok but think about it, he's always tryna hang out with you when he's at his uncle's, he calls you 'ma' and 'mamí', he's fucking kissed you MORE THAN ONCE,"

"That doesn't mean that he likes me or anything." I laugh and stare at my biology paper we both should be filling out. I'm not gonna talk to him about it.

"Girlie, he probably does."

Talking about him, even just thinking about him send me into a spiral into sick, twisted, deliciously dirty thoughts. How would he look on top of me, how would he look when I'm on my knees in front of him, how would he look under me. Would he call me mamí. I need him to. Would he be loud? I hope he is. How would he sound? Would he make lots of noise. I want him to. Would he praise me and say my name? I want him to moan and beg and whine and groan. I want to see him blissed out as I please him. I don't even care if he takes care of me, all I want is that he feels good. I want him to touch me, I want to be all over him. And holy shit I should not being thinking about this shit I'm almost 16 and in class. GET YOUR LIFE TOGETHER DUMBASS! Nope, nope, nope, nope, NOPE.

Nefeli pokes me with the eraser on their mechanical pencil and scares me out of my trance. Heat blooms in my cheeks and I cover my face with my hands before slamming my head onto the desk.

"Y're blushing," Nefeli comments.

"Imma go to the bathroom and splash my fuckin face with water or something, I need to cool down." I shake my hands at my chest as I stand up and turn away from my desk. "I'll be back in a sec," She hums and 'mhm' as I open the classroom door to walk to the bathrooms.

When I arrived at the bathroom, I dove for the closest sink and turn the water to cold before cupping my hands leaning down and dousing my face in the cold liquid. I sigh heavily as I slump onto the crisp marble counter. My cheeks cooled as I pressed them on the counter before pushing myself up so I could go back to class.

I pull open the door to the bathroom and step out when I'm practically scared out of my skin when I spot Miles. Why is he everywhere? Instantly all my hard work to cool off is in the trash as my breath gets caught in my throat and I'm practically drooling over this beautiful boy as he walks up to me with a small smirk.

"Hey," He placed his hand on my shoulder and smirks down at me. I grab onto his collar, yank him down and smash my lips against his for the third time today.

I tried to press myself against Miles as much as humanly possible as he groans softly into my mouth as I shudder, he runs his hands through my messy hair as my hands move to grip either side of his face. I pull away from him while murmuring a soft 'shit'.

"Mierda ma, thas a helluva 'hi'" He's smiling at me, he's smiling at me and it's beautiful.

What the fuck is wrong with me?????

I look up at him with a panicked expression as I pull at the sleeve of my sweater. My cheeks and ears burned with embarrassment as I stared up at his face, his chest rose and fell as his breathing level out and his forehead was slightly moist. I mumble out a soft 'sorry' then shift to glare at my feet. I didn't want to look back up at him. I didn't want to face the consequences of my foolish actions, not the first time. I hear him sigh as he wraps his arms around me, enveloping me in his warmth. I wanted to melt into him. I didn't move to wrap my arms around him in return, I just stood there standing in his warmth. I don't wanna see his face. I don't do shit like this, ever, why am I acting like a-bitch-in-fucking-heat?!

"'M not mad or anything, y'should greet me like that all the time," I made a 'tch' noise, but it was muffled, I rolled my eyes at him too, he couldn't see but I'm sure he knew. "Joking."

"Vete a la mierda." I chuckle softly, I still haven't looked at him, I don't want to see his expression, half the time I can't stomach looking at anyone's faces.

"Whas y'r class, I'll walk ya?" He hasn't let go yet, good. Only then did I move and wrap my arms around him, pushing my face further into his chest. I didn't want to move from that spot.

"Milesss," My whine is muffled by his clothes as I shift and tuck my forehead between his neck and shoulder. I move out of his grip and look up at him at last. I frown then give him a fake smile before speaking. "Got Biology, ya don' haveta walk me or anything."

"I wanna though," He turns towards the direction of my class and looks back at me. I begrudgingly walk closer to him, not wanting to go back. "Les go mamí."

Miles is too nice, to me at least.

I walk over to him, and we make brief eye contact before turning away and walking to my class. Disappointment pooled in my chest as our short time together ended, I wanted to be with him longer. I open the door to my classroom and give him a short wave without looking back at him. This is all going on way to quickly, what the actual fuck is happening?

WOOHOO! I'm on top of another building.

It was so intoxicating being so high up, I mean I could fall and not catch myself at any second just because. I licked my chapped lips underneath my black disposable mask before sighing heavily. I zip up my hoodie and pull the drawstrings on my hood and tie a bow, so it doesn't fall off. I completely regret coming out here in the cold in my oversized sweat shorts, but I didn't feel like changing before I left.

Before I climbed up this beautiful building, seemingly made of nothing but glass. I am wearing my generic ass black Nikes, they're hella creased. I have a total of 4 pairs of shoes, and they're either worn out or rare, I don't want my family and friends or random people from school or work realizing it's me or something. Ok, I know that sounds dumb, but my dia de los muertos Vans are kind of an obvious sign it's me, they've got spray paint splattered on them from when I was out with Miles a few weeks ago and I've never seen another person wear them. Apparently, they're limited edition, I don't know, but I bought them for 30 bucks at the start of the school year.

I don't really have a point, but basically, what I'm saying is what if something happens and I'm on the news or swinging around in the view of people and they recognize my shoes and question me. Or I end up on the news for dying from falling and my parents or friends notice, and I still have webbing stuck to me and my body gets tested on by crazy scientists.

I shake that fear out of my head and move rummage through this basic black backpack I had found lying around, grabbing a small red and black rectangular speaker. I click on my portable speaker and turn one of my various playlists before turning the speaker all the way up and sticking it in my bag with the rest of my things. I make sure the zipper is secure, so I don't lose my speaker, phone and wallet, and other random shit, then pull the straps over my shoulders and tighten them as much as possible before tying the straps around my waist, so it doesn't fling off me.

As soon as I one thousand percent certain all of my things are in place, I walk towards the edge of the building walk down a bit of the windows before turning around and spreading my arms out wide. I jump off and grin under my stuffy mask as I feel glass shattering beneath my feet. I love that feeling.

♪ You jus wanna party, you jus wanna lap dance ♪

I throw my arms up and connect to where I was standing on the building then fling to another.

♪ Call him Ed Sheeran, he in love wit my body ♪

When I get to a place with more people I rest on an establishment's sign, my fingers trail the red brick. I look down on the people who give me weird looks and pointing fingers. I sigh before standing up on the poor metal sign, wow my balance is incredible now.

♪ Call y're mama and y'r papa like I'm finna take y'r daughter ♪

I shoot more webbing from my wrist and throw myself off of the sign and into the air.

♪ If she aint gotta butt, fuck it, get into it yuh ♪

I was smiling ear to ear until I was in my bed later that night.

For some reason it only just clicked in my brain that I didn't have Miles's number or socials or anything.

I want it.

Today my mission was getting his number, God that sounds so fucking stupid. I have class with him after this period, so I guess I'll ask him then? This is fucking dumb. why do I do this shit to myself? I smile brightly at my gorgeous best friend as I link our arms together. We walk together until we're in front of her next class. I wave goodbye and walk down the hall to my classroom.

I shivered as I feel two fingers trail my shoulder, stop in my tracks in surprise and I look up to see Miles looking down at me. Why does he always do that? The fuck does this man have, a shoulder fetish?

"¿Qué tal mamí?" I swallow nothing as I stared at him. Holy shit, he's beautiful.

"Mm, before I get lemme get y'r number," I felt fucking embarrassed and stupid asking. "I mean if you want too." Don't that shit, guys don't like it when you try to take back what you said right after you say it apparently.

"Oh, word." My face and ears are hot with embarrassment as I watch him click around on the screen of his phone before handing it to me. "Put y'rs in 'nd I'll text ya." I nod and type in my number then hand the phone back to him. He looks like he's typing and then my phone vibrates against my hip. I flinch slightly, my shoulders tensing then quickly relaxing at the noise, even though I knew it was coming.

XXX-XXX-XXXX

hola mamíta

I smile softly to myself and save his contact as 'Miles' until I can find something dumber. We walk into class together, making our way to our seats as I pull my phone out to respond.

Delirium

Typing...

hey

I look over at him as I put my phone in my pocket and wait for class to start. I huff then lay my head on my arms on the desk and turn my head to look at him before closing my eyes. When I open my eyes, Miles is resting his chin on his palm and looking over at me, same bored expression as always, eyes gleaming teasingly. My cheeks begin to feel hot, and he quickly turns away.

My eyes trail his body as he pulled out his phone under the desk and began typing, he was still facing away from me. My phone vibrated against my thigh a few seconds later and I quickly pull it out of my pocket and rest my forehead against the edge of my desk. My poor eyes squinting as I open the notification, screen quickly switching to my messages app.

Miles

te ves hermosa

My face set on fire, I was absolutely sure my face was bright red, and I'm sure he saw because I could hear him chuckle softly and then the sound of clothes rustling as he puts his phone in his pocket.

Delirium

cállate bello

Chapter Text

↪Moonlight || Kali Uchis is now playing...

Miles's father died the day he became captain during the beginning 9th grade, when the leave of the trees started turning orange and red, falling to the ground only to brown and rot in the rainwater. Miles has never been the same after that instance. He grew cold and easily irritable; he slept all day and night or as much as he could so he wouldn't have to look at all the face of pity people would give him. His mother Rio, worried about him, she knew he was hurting, she was too.

One day he went to his uncle Aarons place asking how to help and protect what little he had left and quickly fell into the double life of Miles G. Morales and The Prowler.

Of course, the poor boy became a vigilante, and he was basically doing the police's job for them, beating the shit out of fucking garbage and people who harass women and kids, dropping them off in front of the station. But he also did more extreme things, things he maybe didn't like doing and knew that it wasn't right but when he did it there was this feeling he had, it was addicting, intoxicated, but right after he felt it, he felt dirty. Miles will never be able to wash the blood off of his hands. What he was doing only made him feel worse, but he couldn't stop he was in too deep now. He'd never be the same again after this, and he'll always hate that it feels so good to kill those people.

Obviously, he feels guilty for taking people's lives but it's only people who deserve it, people who were involved in the murder of his father and many other innocent people, the people who go out and hurt women and children, that shit is unforgivable. As long as these people still roam the earth, he will hunt down every single one of them. He wanted to make his world even the tiniest bit better by removing a small percent of the scum of the world.

Then he saw Delirium below his uncle's fire escape one day. He would check every day, multiple times a day just to get a glimpse of them. Somedays he'll open the window and listen to them hum to themself with a sketchbook in their lap, completely enthralled by what they were working on. Eventually, he'd start to bring his various sketchbooks and art supplies with him when he'd sit by his uncle's window, drawing them as they sat there under him. He'd picked up on some of their habits; the constant knuckle cracking, covering their mouth randomly when they laugh even when no one is looking at them, repeating back different Japanese phrase that had just played in anime they watched by their self. He also quickly realized that they went to the same school, they had met before that too, when was that again? He would always try to catch a glimpse of Delirium in the hall and would end up laying his head on his desk and shielding his face with his arms to watch them draw instead of doing their work when they had class together.

Soon after he began watching them, he would follow them in the shadows when they would go out late at night when he wasn't 'working' in case something happened to them. Not creepy at all. One day something did happen, and he almost wasn't there to help. Someone had been following them from when they had gotten off their bus, it was dark, the middle of winter, and they had their headphones over both ears and hadn't realized that a man was following them.

Miles had just finished a job and the clouds were crying cold tears of snow. He was on his way back to Aaron's place when he spotted Delirium and the man behind them. He jumped down from the building he had been on and on top of the man, slamming him into the pavement. He wanted to crush the man's skull under his Jordans, but as much as he hated them, he didn't usually kill creeps, though, they usually deserved it, but whatever. So, he did the next best thing and beat him to a pulp. By the time Miles was done with the man, he has a broken nose, arm and foot, his body covered in bruises, deep scratches and his face covered in his own blood, and in Miles's eyes, he deserved every minute of it, deserved more than what he had already done.

When he looked over at Delirium, they were stunned, their eyes were filled with a mixture of fear, admiration and appreciation. Miles hopped onto the nearest building, with the beat-up man in tow, and delivered him to the station before Delirium could even get in a word. About a year after Delirium was being followed, and beat the shit out of the man, Miles asked them for a highlighter. Now they've been talking for weeks. Well, they hadn't talked for a while in the beginning, around three weeks, it was like they fell off the face of the fucking earth, a few days before Thanksgiving and a week and a half after? About fifteen days, but it's not like he was counting. But they're back now.

My Mickey D's Chicken Nugget

ma

Mamí

que

??

My Mickey D's Chicken Nugget

r u home

Mamí

yuh

My Mickey D's Chicken Nugget

open ur window

Mamí

mk????

It was one of those days where they boy felt pathetically helpless, not having any energy to do anything, so why not go wallow in his sorrows with someone pretty instead of on his uncle's cold empty couch.

Miles stood on Delirium's fire escape, in the freezing snow, waiting for them to open up their window. He watches their curtains fly open and the window slam up. Music spills from the open window as his eyes trail their body and take in their appearance, their fuzz red and black plaid robe sliding down their shoulders and tied loosely around their waist. A lacey white bra barely supporting their chest, they wore it when they wanted to feel better about themself. He paused, arm covered in white, his mind flashed to that night on the rooftop when he had caught them when they tried to jump off. He defiantly misunderstood that situation. His eyes stopped again at an odd mark on right under their neck. It looked like the veins surrounding it were a purplish blue and two small red marks sat in the middle of the confusing discolored veins. That spider bite was still there? Hair a mess and eye makeup smeared all around their eyes and down their cheeks. Their hair is a different color again, like they just threw blue over the faded, old dye and called it a day. Their eyes and cheeks slightly red and eyelashes wet, they look as beautiful as they did melancholic. A puff of air left their mouth and into the cold world as they move aside to let Miles in.

Shitt. Miles's mouth went dry as he climbed into their room. Delirium shoots him a questioning look before sprawling out in their desk chair, one leg over the arm rest and an arm resting on the other which their chin was propped up on. Miles felt like he was going to go insane as he sat down on their floor and look up at them so alluringly sprawled out without a care in the world that he saw them like that.

As they lazily stare down at him, he felt like a stupid thirteen-year-old boy who just had his first wet dream, it was annoying and extremely fucking embarrassing.

"So, what's up?" They ask in a tired voice, their head throbbing with a raging migraine.

"Didn' feel like hangin' wit' my uncle 'nd didn' wanna go home. Y'r right below him." He shrugs as he tries to avert his eyes form the scene in front of him but fails, miserably. "Nice hair."

"Mm, it looks like shit, it's way too long, I hate it." They take in a deep breath and shut their eyes, pinching the bridge of their nose for a second the threading their fingers through their damaged before going back to their original position and looking down at him. As beautiful as they look, they look even more exhausted, the smudged make up only adding to the depressing affect.

"Ya look tired," He watched their barely relaxed face contort and turn to a deep frown. 'M fucking tired too.

"I'm fine." Their tone was short, like they felt stressed to even begin to talk about how they were feeling. They tug on some strands of their hair before huffing and flinging it from their hand, eyes welling up as they throw a hand over their eyes.

"Cm're" Miles sighs as he gently pulls the hand resting on their thigh down towards him. They slink out of their chair and onto the floor next to him. "y'r parents home?"

"Excuse me?!" Shock and pathetic panic quickly painted their features, and they turn a light pink color.

"I mean if I fall asleep here ion wantcha ta get inta trouble."

"They're out till tomorrow afternoon, they're cute goin out on dates and shit, they seem so happy. I want that." Delirium smiles until frowning once again and it deepens as they speak. "If you get caught, I'll beat chur ass."

Miles chuckles as they shoot a soft glare in his direction. He moves to cup their left cheek in his hand and gently stroke the streaks of mascara trailing down their face. Delirium leans into his hand as their eyes flutter closed. His other hand yanked them by the waist to collapse on top of him. Delirium lets out a surprised gasp as they both fall backwards onto their rug and their head rests firmly on his chest. They lift themself up slightly by pushing their hands against his chest and his grip on their waist tightens.

"The fuck are you doing?"

"Tryna get you to go ta sleep." He leans ups and gently bites a spot on their shoulder next to their bra strap then licks the spot and smiles as he feels them shudder and let out a shaky breath. Goofy ass weirdo, they thought themself, tempted to smile big and wide only to ignore the silly urge.

"Fuck you." Their voice came out breathy and Miles chuckled softly as he rested his forehead on their shoulder. Delirium then tilts their head down and bites down in the space where his shoulder and neck connected. Miles groaned, practically whimpered into their ear as they lick and suck at the spot they bit. When they were done, they shifted to look down at him to take in his expression.

"Shit ma," He grunts out, his uneven breathing, his half-lidded eyes and lazy smile would forever be burned into their memory. There was an emotion in his eyes that no one had ever looked at them with, but they didn't know what it was. Shit, everything about this fucking kid drives me insane.

"Bedtime~" they laugh an unconvincing laugh with a clearly fake cheeky smile and go back to resting their head on his chest. Their head was spinning with a mix of negative or dirty thoughts, the negative dominated the dirty and it spiraled just as it did after they sent their younger sister to bed and went to their own room to be alone. The sting of tears pricks their eyes, and they try to blink and keep them from falling onto Miles's hoodie.

Miles shifts a little and wraps his arms around them. Delirium reciprocates, bodies tangling together as they bury their face in his neck. They pepper his neck with small light kisses as they choke back tears that seem to have appeared for 'no reason', yeah right. Miles knows the whole time that they're trying to not cry. He doesn't say anything because it doesn't seem like they like talking about themself or their feelings. Instead, he just clings to them, one arms tightly around their waist the other buried in their hair, their legs tangled together. As tears fall against his neck, he doesn't question them, he just pulls them closer and leans his head against theirs.

Only when they begin to lose their breath and his neck is absolutely soaked in their tears does he speak. "You don' haveta be okay and ya don' tell me anythin, pero estoy aquí, besides, y're not fuckin sneaky about how you feel," His mind flashes back to when he grabs them after they jumped off that building a few weeks ago, again, stop thinking about that. When he spoke next it was barely a whisper. "S'okay ta jus let everythin go n'cry like the world's endin."

Miles had wished someone had said that to him when his dad died. Obviously, he has no clue what Delirium is going through, they didn't know as much about each other as they both wanted too, and that made the whole situation even more strange.

Delirium moves so they can face him again, they lightly wipe the wetness off of his neck. Miles stares up at their makeup-stained face with a smile and the quickly try to wipe it off, but it just moves and makes more of a mess.

His name spill from their slips as their hands grip the fabric of his hoodie. Delirium untangles their legs from Miles's and moves to straddle his hips and grip his shirt once more. Their robe was practically falling off, loosely tied on and pooling around them slipping onto the floor on either side of Miles, their white underwear on full display. Miles grips their lower hips, and desperately tried to keep his eyes on their face.

Their eyes well up again and they bend down and press their forehead against Miles's chest.

"Miles," Delirium croaks out, "Miles." He hummed softly in response as he ran one hand up and down their thigh to try and soothe them and the other still firmly on their waist. "Holy shit, what is wrong with me?"

Miles had no clue how to help and it made him feel like shit. Yeah, sure he could do jobs his uncle has him do but there's this beautiful person and they're in pain in his arms and he can't do anything.

".... I-" he gets cut off.

"Ya know, for someone who seems so pissed at anything and everything, y'don seem ta be pissed at me." They let out a dry chuckle with a small, sad smile on their face, they were glad Miles couldn't see it.

"Mira m'not gonna say y'r different from erybody else 'cause thas stupid as shit," He huffs before he continues. "But ion know, i wanna be around you, and y're not my only friend or anything, I got Ganke'n shit." I'on't wanna jus be y'r friend though.

Delirium giggles softly at his short rant and sits up to wipe their face.

"Fuuuuuuck," They whine as the roughly rub their eyes. "I fuckin hate these annoying ass mood swings, they're supposed to be gettin better."

"Ay mamí, jus wait it out."

"I know, m' workin on it, but sometimes it feels like it would jus be better ta give up, on everything, ya know?" They smile down at him, stop lookin at me like y're empty.

"Yeah, I know, but m'still here," He grabs one of their hands and lightly pecks the knuckle of their ring finger, "So I haven't givin up yet either, even if I wanna, we're both still here, maybe there's hope f'us."

"Hmm maybe," they hum and bend down to kiss his forehead then lips. Miles's tongue slips into their mouth, and he basks in the quiet sigh they made. He hooks his arms around their waist and pushes himself up off the ground, moving Delirium as if they weighed nothing so they were sitting in his lap. They break away from each other and pant harshly and Delirium rest their forehead against Miles's.

Delirium then tilts their head to the side to press a kiss right under Miles's ear, they let out a small chuckle as his breath hitches. His hands trail their back, their waist, their thighs. Delirium bites down on his neck as he harshly grabs their upper thighs, white here too? and they felt like they were going to lose their mind. What's happening? It's too fuckin hot in here.

As Delirium moves to untie their robe Miles tries to catch his breath, but it was quickly hitched in his throat once again as his eyes trails their body. Miles lets out a heavy exhale as Delirium goes back to kissing his neck.

"Delirium y're so pretty, look a'you how'r people not linin up f'you?" Miles's laugh was shaky as his thumbs lightly trace over the white scars on their thighs. Jumbled praise continues to flood out of his mouth, his eyes glued to them, chest quickly rising and falling with every panting breath he took. "Te deseo, te necesito, fuck ma."

Delirium keeps thinking How did we end up like this? It wasn't like this before, how did we get here again? The thoughts quickly vanish as Mile's voice, his touch, his scent overwhelms their senses. They want him. As he slowly lowers their burning figure, their breath caught in their throat as they stared up at him, taking in his face from a different angle.

"How'd we even get like this, Miles?"

I woke up panicked a few hours later, I was wrapped in an unknown warmth, it startled me. It's Miles, of course it's fucking Miles. What happened it's still the middle of the fucking night? I shift, frantically patting down my chest and tugging at the strap of my underwear, desperately trying to unstick my hands from the cloth when then get stuck. Sighing with relief when my undergarments are all there, my eyes flick to him. He's in the clothes he showed up in too, a black hoodie and sweats. I slowly melt into Miles's arms once again, my eyes glued to the ceiling as I lay on the floor with him wrapped around me.

This is all going by way too fast, my eyes flick to Miles's face then back to the ceiling as I bite off the dry skin on my bottom lip. It's defiantly not supposed to be like this, I was perfectly content just watching him at school like a complete creep. Why do I do these things to myself? I shouldn't have ever thrown that highlighter, I shouldn't have gone with him to the subway tracks all those weeks ago, I shouldn't have kissed him, I shouldn't have asked for his number.

As much as I think I like him, it's definitely just infatuation, right? There's no way he feels anything for me either.

My eye flick to his sleeping face again, one of my hands come up to his face, the tip of my index finger lightly brushing against a small scar under his right eye. I didn't notice that before. I sigh heavily, exhaling a breath I didn't know I was holding as I struggle to release myself from his hold.

When I'm up, I quickly grab one of the blankets hanging from my messy bed, throwing it onto Miles's sleeping form from where he was on my floor. As I unhook my bra, I bend down and grab my oversized snoopy shirt my dad gave me. Tossing the bra under my desk, I slip the shirt on and quietly walk over to my door, opening it, stepping out of the comforting safe haven of my room, closing the door behind me.

"My baby!" My face lights up as one of our cats comes running up to me. I scoop her up off the ground and walk towards the kitchen.

I acquire a bowl of cereal and a glass of water before slowly making my way back to my room. I close my door behind me and sit next to the beautiful sleeping Miles on the ground, bowl in my lap as I stare down at him.

After finishing my food, begrudgingly, I stand up to take the bowl back to the kitchen. Returning to my safe haven, I sigh as I go back to my spot on the floor. My knees are at my chest, my arms hanging off of them before I lean back and check the time on my hello kitty alarm clock. It's almost 4 in the morning. Groaning quietly, I lay back on my rug and turn my head to peak at Miles once again. My face quickly contorts into a small frown as I brush the pads of my fingers across his cheek and clothed shoulder. This is moving way too fucking fast.

I groan again, shutting my eyes tight, my hand flinching away from him. I wanted to just go back to sleep and forget every single thing, not just him, everything. I know it won't happen but I sure as hell can wish. After a while, I drifted back into the content realm of blissful, oblivious sleep.

I woke up disoriented once again, bolting up with harsh inhales, barely filling my lungs with crisp air, my chest rising and falling quickly as I pinch the bridge of my nose. The blanket I had draped over Miles a while ago was now cascading down my shoulders as my free hand clutches the thin cloth of the shirt at my chest. Can't breathe, can't breathe, can't breathe. The in through the nose out through the mouth bullshit was very ineffective when I tried to do it, so I always just wait, and it eventually passes. Still, I've never woken up like this, I get panic attacks and I can never breath, this is entirely different though.

All that's happening is that I can't breathe. My ears aren't burning, I don't have a raging headache, I'm not pathetically crying my eyes out and babbling unintelligibly, I don't feel like the world is ending. If I don't start breathing soon, I will spiral into a fucking panic attack.

The hand at my chest moved to the base of my neck as I pull my knees up to rest my elbow on them, practically jumping out of my skin when my door opens behind me. A startled, shaky gasp leaves me as I quickly turn my whole body around, practically falling backwards as I do, my back harshly pressed up against my dresser. I'm stuck again, my hand won't let go of the rug.

"Holy shit" I take a deep breath in, my eyes squeezing shut as I claw at one of my rugs. "I can breathe, I can breathe, I can breathe," I open my eyes, looking up to see a very confused Miles staring down at me. "Hola"

"Y'r sister scared the shit outta me, why's a kid gettin up so fuckin early?" He squints down at me, not asking why I was in such a strange position on the floor, but like he knows something was up, thank Satan, I don't even know how I would explain, I don't even know what happened myself.

"She's a weirdo" I mutter, my breath still shaky as I look away from him. "You and I're jus lucky she's good at keepin secrets, mostly..."

"Mostly?"

"Mostly."

He sighs as he inches closer to me, staring down at me, then crouching down in front of me. Picking up the blanket that was awkwardly splayed around me, he balls it up and throws it at my head. I scramble to throw it off of me, unaware that he's moving closer to me, choking back a stupid laugh.

"The fuck was that for, ¿¡que te pasa, pendejo!?"

"You fuckin dumbass," He grin at me, chuckling as I throw the blanket to the side and glare up at him. One of his hands is above my head, gripping the edge of my dresser as he squats, a shit eating grin quickly wiped off his face as I kick his knee. I laugh as he loses his footing, almost falling backwards before catching himself.

"Who's the 'fuckin dumbass' now?"

"C'mon ma, ya didn' haveta kick me," And the stupid grin is back, I roll my eyes with a smile and a shrug.

"You threw shit a' me, of course I'm gonna retaliate." I hum, tilting my head back as a wide grin never leaves my feature. Mockingly laughing at him, I stand up, checking the time before opening my door, turning back to look at him as he cranes his neck to watch me. "Be right back hm?"

"Yeah..." He nods, his eyes on me as I close the door behind me.

After explaining to my sister to keep quiet so I don't get my ass beat, in a figurative sense, I slip back into my room. "The fuck are you doing now?" I stare down at Miles, a confused expression painted on my face.

"I didn' know you were a nerd" He shrugs, the pads of his fingers lightly brushing over my various books.

"I'm not a nerd," I scoff, crossing my arms at my chest. "I jus collect things I like, some of those things jus happen to be books."

"Like a hoarder, or somethin?"

"NO! I'm not fuckin-" Crazy, don't fucking kid yourself, you are crazy. "I know when ta get rid of shit, besides, mosta that stuff I bought with my own money, it all means a lot to me." His eyes narrow for a split second when I cut myself off in the beginning, but he doesn't say anything about it. "And, unfortunately, I'm kicking you out." A wide grin has etched its way back onto my face.

"Lame ass," He grumbles as he stands up, pushing himself up off the grounds with his hands.

"Don' be like that, my parents 're comin back soon," I laugh as he walks closer to me, his warm hands finding themselves on either side of my waist. "See ya."

"Tch, c'mon mamí," As he leans down to my neck, his lips brush against my burning skin, goosebumps rising as I shiver slightly.

"See ya later." I mutter in a teasing tone, my knuckles sliding against his cheek as he lightly pecks my neck.

"Yeah, yeah." Letting go of me, he turns towards my window, looking back at me before opening it. Now he's gone.

Chapter Text

↪Juicy || Doja Cat is now playing...

Today, it's pink and it's short. Well, it's pink and blue, but it's short. Finally, it's short, even shoulder length is too long for them, they hated it before. Delirium was going to chop it off themself, make a huge fucking mess of it if they didn't get it professionally done and later than they did. Nefeli's is different too, she bleached it again, still only the one half. Half is bleached the other is a pitch black, when Delirium found out, they were ecstatic, going on about how pretty it would look, not that it wasn't pretty before, they made sure to specify out of anxiety. They had blurted it out one at one point that they were happy the two would almost be matching, right after Nefeli had told some of her friends that the rosette was acquainted with. The people had looked at Delirium like they were crazy for being happy about something so simple, they shut up after that.

They're almost done with group therapy, fucking finally it's only been three months. Then in three more months was spring break, which they were very much looking forward to.

Fucking shit, shitshitshitshitshit. The temporarily rosette's blood ran cold, mouth drying, just dying to lick their lips to dampen them as the Prowler stares at them, they think, well his attention is on them. He had caught them in an interesting predicament, of course why was he there in the first place, who knows. Delirium had been staring up at him like a deer in headlights, completely frozen, webbing tangled around them and their hoodie as they sat on a random roof top. WHY IS HE EVERYWHERE?! They sighed, expression contorting to one of confusing, panic, a tinge of fear sprinkling itself in there. "Of course, of fucking course this shit happens to me, why am I even surprised anymore..." They went on to mutter under their breath, the tips of their ears and eyes stinging as they continue to gawk.

It was another late night, it's always a late fucking night when the go out and fling themself through the city, suspended from a web coming from their goddamn wrist. 

"Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck," Delirium swore, scrambling to untangle themself, yanking the still connected webbing from their wrist to easier get out of it as their eyes started to well up as they scooted back only for the Prowler to slowly inch closer to their still disappointingly tangled body. They're free, but not really, hand was busy rubbing at their eyes. God, I feel fucking weak. "I-I I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, please," What am I even apologizing for? "Please don't hurt me, please?" It wouldn't really be so bad if something happened to you, maybe if you ask real nice so you don't have to worry about trying it again yourself.

"The fuck're you apologizing for? Cut that shit out." The Prowler spoke, his distorted voice glitching slightly every few words. If his accent wasn't so thick and his voice not obviously faking a deeper tone, he'd seriously sound just like Miles, the type of shit that would make me swoon if the circumstances were different, still the nerve of this fucking guy. "If've saved ya multiple times, d'you really think I'd hurt'cha now?" Saved is not the word I would use for our second interaction.

"S-" Their mouth opened to stutter out another apology only for them to catch themself, biting the tip of their tongue to shut themself up. They shrunk down onto themself more, words and breath caught in their throat as the almighty Prowler stepped towards them again resulting in their eyes abruptly shutting. A loud warped huff left him as his clawed gauntlet came down to their arm to rip some of the webbing from my arm. He paused for a second after he did it, his other gauntlet clad hand coming up to hover over Delirium's cheek only for him to quickly flinch as take a step back, shoving the webbing he had gather into his pocket. The fuck was I thinking, don't touch them, their already freaked out enough.

Earlier that night they were with Miles's in his uncle's place because he had agreed to teach them some semblance of self-defense, they had been doing this for a few weeks now. They'd like to go back to that.

The Prowler had taken another step back when Delirium had opened their eyes just to stare at the mucky cement under them, quick to get the rest of the webbing off of themself. When they had looked up again, he was gone.

"What am I gonna do, how could I be so stupid?" Delirium whined into their pillow, kicking their blankets around as they melted into the wet, tear-stained fabric of the pillowcase. Music had been loudly blaring throughout the room, their younger sister had often told them that she could hear it through the walls at night. Delirium used it as a way to get away from the quiet, doesn't matter if they were bawling their eyes out and the music made it worse, it was a constant. "I shouldn'ta been fuckin' around anyway, even when I do fuck around, I never get that stuck." They were so close to just ripping up any evidence that they even knew what the 'Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man' was, completely done with every part of this god-awful situation that they had somehow landed themself in. "But I love Spider-Maaannn," They continued to mutter things along that line, completely conflicted and terrified about what was going to happen. "It's not like I can even talk about it in group therapy either... or to Nefeli, not like she'd wanna hear it anyway. And- and I defiantly couldn't ever tell Miles! But- But! Oh fuck, oh fuck!"

After they were done exhausting themself by continuously slamming their shins and feet on their mattress, like a little kid throwing a tantrum, they flipped over to count the dozens of stars plastered to their ceiling, silently wishing that this night had just been stupid dream and that they would wake up and nothing happened. They did that a lot; too bad it was never true.

"I'll just pretend it never happened," They called out to no one, blowing the unruly bangs out of their eyes. "Not like that'll do shit, the more I pretend it didn' happen, the more I'll think about it."

Miles Morales, Brooklyn's very own Prowler was currently sitting on his uncle's couch after patrol, stressing about the dumbass motherfucker he likes, whom seemingly is Spider-Man, kind of. From the looks of it, they stressed themself out doing whatever the fuck they were doing, stuck in the sticky webbing and struggling to break free and teary eyed when he found them. But shit do they always look good staring up at me with tearful eyes.

Stop. 

He had the webbing in his hand, tangled around his fingers as he fiddled with it, waiting for his uncle to come and take it from him for inspections. A big part of him wanted to run down the rusting metal fire escape to their window at the dead of night, like how he had been doing often lately. It was always late when he would go see them. He would regularly scold himself mentally for becoming close with someone who could easily end up getting hurt and that it would be his fault if it would ever happen. Though, no he was almost second guessing himself, if Delirium was able to figure out what ever they were, maybe they wouldn't as easily get hurt. Or maybe they would prove to be dangerous rather than in danger. Yeah, let's not think about that. 

This wasn't good for him, he would tell himself, over thinking over a fucking 'crush', such a stupid fucking thing to worry about. Not like he could really help it though. They were always there, small in a corner in the back of his mind. It pissed him off. The more he would tell himself to just stop, stop thinking about them, like it's that simple, the more his thoughts would go tell him to fuck himself and supply more and more of them and only them. Whether it be mundane and domestic or absolutely fucking filthy it's always themthemthemthemthem. 

The stupid teenage boy is snapped out of his thoughts when his uncle is finally standing before him, eyes on his with his arms crossed at his chest.

"Uncle, what I was tellin' you'bout earlier," Untangling the silky white web from his hand he balls it up and holds it up for Aaron to grab from his open palm.

They did exactly what they had said when they woke up the next morning for school. Delirium pretended that they didn't run into the Prowler for another time. Of course, that didn't at all minimize the number of ridiculous thoughts that would force their way into the poor spider-bitten student's head, but pretending made everything feel less real. It helped when they were talking to people or had to interact with things, quieted the mess in their head, but being ditched by Nefeli, again, did not help.

Slowly, they had grown slightly resentful towards their best friend since they had left the hospital and were no longer able to do as much after school due to the hours of therapy they attended or during the weeks ends when they would be doing other things. Sure, they had hung out a few times since that instance outside of classes and during the lunches that the two did spend together when Nefeli wasn't off doing who knows what. It felt like their dynamic had shifted, it wasn't the same as before and bother the absolute fuck out of Delirium. But when they did have the time, they were rejected or cancelled on last minute, it was like Nefeli was no longer making any effort to be there, Delirium the only one trying to reach out anymore.

And it's not even like they didn't have people who would hang out with them anyway, but there was always that little anxious voice buzzing in retaliation when they would even consider asking if someone else wanted to hang out in fear of rejection. Hell, their longest friend, the boy they've known their entire life, no before they were even born, still devolving in the womb would offer all the time for Delirium to just come join him and his friends or if they wanted, he would ditch his friends for them. And yet they avoid the topic like the plague, afraid that maybe he just feels bad for them or maybe his friends won't like them. It's not like they didn't know that he would never do that kind of thing out of pity, but fear stopped them from doing a lot of things and talking to someone they considered to be their brother was one of them.

So, in resent light of being left alone, again, that's what they did, sat by themself, on a sort of sorry excuse for a cushioned, navy blue love seat, things on the small circular coffee table Infront of them, where on the opposite side of them sat two cushioned seats of the same color. Music blaring in the headphones covering their ears, ignoring the fact that they had a lunch sitting in their bag despite feeling the rumbling in their empty stomach, waiting for the lunch period to be over so they could go to a class where they weren't alone. There were times where they felt sick to their stomach at the thought of being seen by others, and then, like now, there were times where they desperately crave attention and connection because it was so, so warm and they felt pathetically cold, borderline hypothermic. It was disgusting.

Therefore, when Miles fucking Morales came and sat next to them not saying a word, just sitting there, his knee bumping against theirs, both of their thighs pressed together as he gets situated and hands in the hoodie pocket underneath his uniform jacket, Delirium felt incredibly warm. Being around Miles always made them feel ridiculously warm. Their eyes quickly dart to Ganke Lee, a boy they were acquainted with, though they wouldn't go as far as to call him a friend, smiling politely as he sat down across from the two, the smile widening when he returns it.

Delirium leans towards the boy who they could very easily admit fills their thoughts, bumping his shoulder with theirs as some sort of half-assed greeting then going bakc to leaning their back against the blue cushion behind them. Maybe if they had the guts, they would have kissed him like that had been doing in the comfort of his presence when they were alone together, out of sight from other people. But alas, they never did think of themself as brave, so they defiantly wouldn't be doing any of that.

Mamí

Typing...

thankyou

They didn't exactly know what they were thanking him for, it was as much of a habit as when they would apologize over every little thing. They turn off their phone, setting it face down in their lap as their shoulders droop when they relax, eyes flicking to Miles's pretty hands, blank expression, then phone, which he shoves back in his pocket as Delirium's vibrates.

My Mickey D's Chicken Nugget

what? lol

They were quick to side eye him with a scowl, not seeing a single hint of amusement anywhere on his face but his eyes. His ass is not laughing, I can't say shit though, I do the same thing, he's adorable. Stifling a chuckle, they reach for their phone again, rolling their eyes with a small grin as the phone unlocks.

Mamí

nothingggg 

nvm!!

Delirium's body tenses up, phone falling hap hazardously back into their lap as they shudder, the current bane of their existence making itself know, seemingly not happy that even for just a moment that it was forgotten, toxic blood pulsing under the sting bit that has long since healed but refused to let up its painful reminders. A hand reached up to lightly brush against the spot, stomach twisting in disgust when they could feel it beating under their sweaty fingers. The throbbing was soon accompanied by a horrid headache and ring in their ears.

Miles attempts to shake them from their disturbing trance, thinking back yet again to the feeling of webbing wrapped and tangled around his cold calloused fingers, the back of his hand lightly rubbing up and down against the side of their thigh. His eyes were glued to their almost uncanny valley esqe expression, wide unfocused eyes, furrowed brows and parted nude pink stained lips. Delirium blinks, finally, eyes stinging as they do so, humming in acknowledgement and looking back at Miles, the corners of their eyes still looking a little smudged and frosted. 

"I- Sorry, I jus' thought I felt something on me, ya'know that feeling? When your mind's fuckin with you by makin you think shit's crawling under your skin?" Yikes, embarrassing as fuck. Delirium tried to laugh it off, standing up slowly and brushing off their skirt as a way to smooth it out a bit as they did so. "I'm gonna go to the bathroom,"

After walking out of the bathroom, grimacing at the feeling of their hands still being slightly damp despite trying to try them with paper towels, Delirium spots her 'brother' and his group of friends, perking up when one of them calls out to them. He was probably the only other person in that group that they didn't feel completely awkward around because they had first period together in 8th grade and developed some semblance of a friendship. They had waved back timidly in response smiling as their brother made his way over to them to say 'hi' before going back to his group.

"Hey Kai," They grinned as his held his hand out to them.

"What's good, bro? We should hang out sometime, Deli." They just laughed dodging both the question and statement as he snapped when they released each other's hands and started to turn away back to his friends.

"Hm, I'll see you later,"

They walked closed to the walls so as they made their way back, they would run the pads of their fingers across the cool, shiny paint, marveling at how smooth yet slightly bumpy it felt. Walking along the back of the seat as so not knock anything over on the table in it their fingers glided against the fabric covering the structural wood. When they sat down, they made it so they were close enough so that their and Miles's knees were together, but not close enough that they were completely in his bubble, always anxious about that sort of thing even though when he sat down, he made sure he was much closer to them than that.

"Tch" Delirium grunts as they throw a punch at Miles. Trying to sweep their left foot under his, they stumble, stomping their other down to catch themself. "Fuck this, I prefer the bag, it doesn' fuckin move." They were kind of pissed today, simmering in the frustration over the fact that Nefeli never tried to put in any effort anymore, confused as to why they gradually stopped getting responses for the majority of texts that they sent their dear friend, over all sick of the fact that it's becoming more and more of an occurring thing.

"Wow ma," Miles throws a small, stupid smug grin their way. "You barely done anythin, I jus' said to try it out."

"Well, I did, now I'm done." They huff, brows furrowed practically glaring at their feet. God, you're fucking worthless, can't finish a simple fucking task, giving up after a few minutes, this is why no one fucking cared that you we gone, no fucking wonder. "I'm done for now."

"If you want?" The boy shrugs and sighs, accepting their answer despite being slightly annoyed. He moves to sit on the hardwood flooring of his uncle's living room, head leaning against a shelf as his eyelids fall shut. His dear friend, acquaintance, silly crush? How would he even begin to describe how he feels about them. Neither of them knew. Meanwhile, Delirium, the poor ball of anxiety and unfiltered depression is ready to burst into tears because of how worthless the feel all the time. They were so pissed at themself constantly because they felt so fucking unstable that at the slightest inconvenience, they would have a full-blown panic attack. It wasn't like this before.

It wasn't like this before. It wasn't like this before. It wasn't like this before. Itwasn'tlikethisbefore. YOU'RE FUCKING CRAZY!

"Miles," They croaked, their ears burned, throat dry and hands shaking. "I'm sorry, I-I asked for your help and- And Nefeli never tried to talk to me when I was gone, and I know she's not like-" BUT NO ONE CARED! There was no fucking point in coming back, no fucking point in going and getting help because no one wants me, NO ONE WANTS ME! What am I supposed to do? I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I'm going fucking crazy. Their voice died in their throat, not able to get the rest of their thoughts out as burning tears spilled from their eyes and down their flushed cheeks. "S-sorry. Anyways, thank you, for all this." They were quick to wipe the tears away, embarrassed as fuck that they were having random meltdowns like this almost every day; embarrassed that Miles had to see it happen at all.

It wasn't fair to Miles that this kind of thing had become a semi-regular occurrence, they would tell themself, just glad that the feelings had died down a bit this time and had not escalated to a full-blown panic attack. They didn't understand why this was always fucking happening, what the fuck was triggering them constantly, but it got on their nerves. 

Miles never knew what to do in these situations, unsure of how to help or at least on how to not make it worse. On one hand, he was worried that it was his fault when they got like this around him, on the other he just wanted it to not happen again as it stressed him, and them, out. They were no good for anything when they got like this, unable to form basic sentences, eyes glued to their feet and hands clenching the end of their shirt. The rosette hated that their vocal cords refused to respond to the signals their brain sent to just speak, all the thoughts in their racing head getting jumbled and bottled up.

"I'm sorry,"

"It was the fucking mood stabilizers that were fucking me up!" Mama insisted that that's what it was, so when were went to the doctors last, she had them take me off it, it's been a while since then and what would you know, only two big panic attacks. Woah, the wonders of drugs.

When Delirium had been pulled from group therapy, their parents had quickly found them a psychologist and therapist after they had gone to see their pediatrician to get them off their mood stabilizers, their mom sticking to her theory that that was the cause off the violent mood swings and multiple times a week panic attacks. She was right. And when Delirium had told their psyche that, a few weeks after being diagnosed with yet another fucking thing that they would have to live with for the rest of their pointless goddamn life, ADHD, she responded with something along the lines of; 'Oh, yeah, that one typically causes negative side effects for people because it's supplying you with brain chemicals you already have and don't need more of and not giving you the chemicals you actually need, and often time's it's people with ADHD who are affected by it negatively.' Or something like that, they didn't really remember, all they did know was that the mood stabilizers were making them feel fucking crazy. It felt nice to not have a panic attack almost daily

It's been a few months since then.

"Collecting mental disorders like Pokémon cards."

"I needa belt," Ah, yes, one of the rare days that Nefeli felt that Delirium was worth her time, and it made them positively ecstatic. The shorter friend hummed as they tug at the belt loop of their oversized pants. Being 5'0 and shopping for men's pants was aways a struggle. The having to find a pair that actually fit over their hips, due to women's sizes being different from men's and them not knowing the difference, thus resulting in a longer search, only for them to be too long. Baggy is preferred, fortunately, great for androgyny. Androgynous clothes keep them sane when they don't know how they feel in the moment.

"Ya probably do," Nefeli hummed as she nods.

"Eli," Delirium perks up once their ears are filled with the heavenly voice that is Selena. "You seriously haveta listen ta Selena, or a'least watch the movie and show wit me."

"I hate Thanksgiving, why's it even there, 's fucking March." The rosette grumbles as they walk with their beautiful friend through the mall, knowing that it was far too high up to get and toss out but complaining anyway. They were staring at the ceiling, a Thanksgiving turkey ballon abandoned and slowly dying. I feel like I'm going insane, triggered by the simplest of shit.

"Sé" Slightly sad that their friend hasn't seemed to care that they were gone so long for such a reason, Delirium tries not to bring up the topic or things that remind them of the topic, in fear that they were being bothersome, but failed a lot of the time at keeping their thoughts in their head when they were around Nefeli. They just wished that their friend pretended that she cared a little more than she had shown. It stressed them out when they felt unwanted, this situation stressed them the fuck out, especially with the reminders of what they don't want to bring up, afraid of even more rejection.

Delirium had tried to, you know- never mind. Anyways, they hate Thanksgiving. That was months ago though, but they hate anything to do with the holiday, not fond that they had to spend it in a weird with a bunch of fucking weirdos. At least they made some friends? 

Slowly but surely, Nefeli and Delirium had become more and more estranged. Delirium blamed themself, though there was a small voice in the back of their mind that blamed Nefeli completely. First it started with the soul crushing realization that Nefeli only texted them when she was letting them know that she wouldn't be coming to school, no asking if they were okay or how their break was. Then it was the response time becoming longer and longer, until it turned into the missed calls. What was so wrong with wanting to spend lunch break with their best friend and all of her friends. All Delirium wanted was to be friends with everyone, even if they didn't like the group when they were all together. Why couldn't Nefeli take two seconds to tell the poor rosette where they were all gathered so they could meet up with everyone? They began to feel less and less important by the week, disappointed that they were getting ditched all the time when Nefeli knew they couldn't leave campus during lunch. It drove them off the fucking wall when they would be standing right in front of their best friend, having taken most of their break period to find them only to be told that their friend was off to do something else with other people. It was like Nefeli only remembered they existed when they were standing in front of them with an irritated expression plastered on their freckled face. 

Their friend wasn't like this before, it used to always be just the two of them, this whole thing stressed them out.

Perhaps they were just being clingy and paranoid; that's how everyone else saw them. Maybe it wasn't fair to Nefeli that Delirium was always seeking her attention and love without worrying about how she felt about the whole thing.

Spring break officially started the following Monday, it was currently Friday. Delirium was going on a cruise, so they would be coming back a week after the break was over. It was one of the days where Nefeli decided that they were worth her time, sort of, and graced them with her presence, really only to make them feel like shit, whether she meant to or not.

"This isn't me telling you I don't want to be your friend," And with that, their whole reality shattered around them. Of fucking course that's what this was about. Their mind went foggy, only half processing what was being said to them. "I don't really get why you always seem so mad when I do other things," Because you don't tell me before hand and I spend all my time looking for you, you don't respect my time. I'm never mad that you have other friends, I'm really happy for you, I just wish that you tell me that you're doing other shit, so I don't wander around like a lost puppy everyday looking for you. "I think you need to find more friends so when I'm doing stuff without you, you're not mad the whole time." I think you need to find friends that don't make you act like a complete bitch when you're around them. "I just feel like you're always so negative and that I have to keep the mood up." I'm still not over the fact that I went to the fucking hospital, I'm sorry that it takes me longer than five minutes to feel better about something that deeply affected me. "I think your home life makes you extremely depressed," I don't know where the fuck you got that from, what are you doing? Fucking projecting?

 They were mad and confused and distraught and heartbroken. Why was this happening now, why did you have to do it the day before break, why can't you just tell me you don't want to be around me anymore instead of whatever the fuck that was. Please don't leave me by myself.

Chapter Text

↪Start a Riot || Duckworth, Shaboozey is now playing...

I push open Aaron's window, mask hiked up my forehead in an uncomfortable position, my head peaking in before I climb through, closing it behind me. I walk over to Aaron's record player, peering down at his collection as I flick the paw of the lucky cat sitting next to it. "Miles, Aaron, he veulto." I grumble as I toss the mask off, leaving it on the floor to pick up later. Red and blue illuminates the room from the windows and lights of the kitchen and TV. There's a light on in another room, spilling out from under the door, I'll just wait. "It's fuckin quiet in 'ere." My eyes dart around the room, landing on the punching bag, well, the person tied to the bag. Of course they brought him back here, I completely forgot about him for a second. I roll my eyes and bite at my bottom lip.

"I'm not gettin involved 'til one of 'em explains what the fuck is goin on." I mutter with a sigh. The person is very much so passed out, so I sit on the floor under the windowsill and lean against the wall, my eyes closed, waiting for someone to show up. Absentmindedly I tug on the various earrings I had, trying to find a comfortable position.

I think back to earlier, I'm at Miles's place, helping Rio with random chores around the house as we talk about meaningless nonsense to fill the silence.

And then it's like I blink and suddenly Miles is there, and the look on my face when I caught a glimpse of him must have been the most lovesick I've ever made. I'm not looking at Rio for two seconds and there he is. I'm quick to stand up and inch towards him, half tuning out whatever him and Rio are saying out of pure giddiness over his overwhelmingly warm presence. I pause when he mentions his father, my face instantly drops to one of immediate discomfort. I follow Rio to the kitchen, small frown plastered on my face as I grab myself a glass for some water to hand to her, refusing to butt into this conversation. Once I set down the glass, I can hear Aarons footsteps from the stairs and I'm quick to rush to the door and open it for him once he's standing in front of it, Miles seems confused by this. Weird. I turn back to smile at Miles as I open the door revealing his uncle, but his heartbeat speeds up instead of the usually cocky smirk and attitude. 

He backs away as we walk closer, shrinking down, looking scared shitless. Aaron holds his hand up in front of him and he just stands there, baffled as he grips Aaron's hand before practically throwing himself at him after talking nonsense, I was to out of it to process what he said. I stifle a laugh as he lets go of Aaron, turning back towards me, confusion painting his face.

" Woah, you took y'r braids out?"

"Uhmm,"

"On purpose?"

"Yeah, I'm... still getting used to it...?"

"You look cute," I smile softly at the boy after laughing about the fact that Aaron had questioned it in such a tone. Making my way over to him, I lightly peck the corner of his mouth before walking back over to the kitchen, currently harboring Rio and now Aaron as she's profusely apologizing for taking his money.

"Stop, stop, we're family." I turn back towards Miles, shrugging before turning back to Rio, who calls out to him.

"Oh, Miles, I have to work an overnight tonight, here's a grocery list." She tells him, holding up a small piece of paper.

"I'll make sure he gets these done." Aaron reaches to take the paper from her hand.

"I'll jus get 'em Rio," I hold out my hand to Aaron as he hands me the paper.

"Alright we gotta roll," Aaron says as he walks towards Miles again, myself in tow. We make our way out of their place and towards the stairs that lead to the roof. "Security switch is out at 6th, that's the window, right?" I nod to myself.

"Right, yeah," Miles pauses, if I was paying any less attention, I would have run right into him. "I'm- I'm following you and what you are saying..." He trails off as we, well he jogs up the stairs, I'll slowly and painstakingly walk up them. I flinch, watching as Miles basically glitches in front of me, almost falling backwards down the stairs before catching himself, both hands gripping the railing as he pants. Not Miles, not Miles, not Miles, not Miles. Fortunately, I'm good at keeping quiet. Aaron turns back, briefly making eye contact with me, seemingly knowing what I'm thinking, before asking the boy; "You alright?"

"I have a cold." My eyebrows scrunch together as I hold back a scoff.

"C'mon then, are you sure you got the plan?" Aaron pushes the door to the roof open and Miles rushes up the stairs to follow after him, a hand clutching his chest, I however take my sweet, sweet time, not really wanting to hear the plan again.

"Yeah, but, but," Miles pushes the door open, through as I push against it again to also walk through. "Maybe we should go over it one more time, jus to make sure there's no... problems..."

Unfazed, I watch as Miles, my Miles out and knocks out whoever this kid is.

My eyes are open in a flash when the kid wakes up, struggling, clearly confused out of his mind. Slowly and quietly, I stand up, slipping further into his blind spot when the light on the other side of the door is flicked off. My eyes light up as I sense the beautiful boy, my beautiful boy, sitting up on one of the ceiling beams. I don't move, just silently stand where I am, curiously watching to see what will happen as I continue to stare up at him. "Aaron." Voice barely audible as I shift. My attention is on him now, leaning against the island in the kitchen. Our eyes meet for a brief moment before I silently walk over to his stairs, sitting on one of the higher steps, watching.

"Uncle Aaron...?" The person mutters, he then stutters, my eyes widening, flashing lights surrounding him almost like a glitch, looked painful, the punching bag swaying slightly after the glitching stops. I've seen this before.

Aaron's hand moves to the hanging switch, causing the bag and kid to be raised slightly. The kid leans up to glance at the chain before back at Aaron. "Uhm, Listen, ok?" The bag stops moving up, Aaron letting go of the switch and walking closer to the boy. "Y-you don't understand, I'm not from here. Listen, ok? This machine sent me here by mistake. Wait, wait, wait, please, please, Uncle Aaron. Wait, w-wait, wait, wait, Uncle Aaron!" Aaron spins the bag, thus spinning the kid, his head trailing Aaron, walking over to his record player and putting on his music and turning up the volume. "Please, Uncle Aaron, jus hear me out." The kid sighs.

"I was bit by a spider that gave me powers, but it wasn't supposed ta bite me, it was supposed ta bite someone else... someone from here." From here. "I don't belong here. I need to go home, ok?" The bag keeps spinning. "I have an Uncle Aaron too, I-I had one. He was a bad guy called the Prowler," My face scrunches up as I fight a grin. "He looked out for me. He did a lot of bad things, but I knew he wanted to be good, he jus didn't know he had a choice, but you do. You could be a good guy." Aaron chuckles, I'm almost tempted to laugh along with him, but I keep quiet.

"A good guy?" He chuckles rhetorically, slipping on a clawed metal gauntlet.

"Please, trust me, I know you don't wanna be the Prowler." Aaron swiftly turns around, metal pounding into the punching bag next to the kid's head making a 'wack' sound. The bag swinging around quickly as the kid pants. Aaron stops the bag, his hand stopping, once again, next to the kid's head.

"I'm not." He tells the kid before spinning him around again. He really does look just like Miles.

His eyes trail up to where Miles is on the beam, widening as he watches his mask light up, swinging down from the beam with one arm, landing firmly on his feet in front of the TV. I smile to myself as I watch him walk over to the kid. Aaron tosses him the gauntlet and he slips it on, my eyes sparkling as I watch it light up briefly.

"Your dad is still alive?" His voice is distorted, modulated, the kid's eyes widening further.

"What?" I stifle a laugh, biting the skin of my lip as the boy's expression contorts into one of confusion.

"Your father, you said he's still alive."

"Yeah."

"Oh,"

"Who are you?" Miles's mask collapses and I grin, my teeth digging harshly into my bottom lip, on the brink of painful. My hands harshly gripping the edge of the step I was sitting on as I watch the kid's eyes widen once again.

"I'm Miles Morales," He begins, my knees brushing against each other as I try not to squirm in my seat with excitement. "But you, you can call me the Prowler."

"If I don't get home, our dad is gonna die-"

"Your dad." He interrupts.

"Please, you have to let me go." Miles steps closer to him.

"Why would I do that?" The gauntlet lighting up as he raises it to the kid's head, pressing a fist against the bag. My eyes flick to the kid's hand, his index finger poking the chain, tearing the glove slightly before sparks fall from the same finger. My eyes are the ones to widen this time, but the moment it's short lived, the sparks spreading as Miles's gauntlet goes off, knocking the boy out once again. It made me shudder, my vision was loopy for a second and it felt like I stood up to fast and my balance was all out of sorts, but I stayed sitting as I watched the whole thing.

I hum as I finally stand up, walking down the steps and towards the trio to join them. "I'm confused," I mutter as I poke the kid's cheek, studying his features. "Why does this kid look like and almost exact copy of ya, Miles? He's Cute." He shrugs with a frown. "Y're literally no fuckin help, ever."

"Tch, s'not my fault that ion know why either." He sighs as he pulls off the gauntlet, metallic clicks and a hiss leave it as it's removed, Miles tossing it to Aaron and grumbling. "Don't call him cute."

"You have the same face, like the exact same face. Y're ten times hotter than him anyway,"

"Still."

"You know anythin Uncle?" I turn to look at the man and shrug. "He kept sayin shit about how he wasn' from here, esta mierda es confusa. He's like me too."

I flinch as the kid wakes up a few moments later, stumbling backwards as Miles catches me from falling, hands gripping my shoulders. "Holy shit that was quick!"

"M-milo?"

"Who the fuck is Milo?" I shoot the kid a confused look, this whole thing is making me dizzy. Then it clicked, my mom thought about naming me Milo. I cross an arm under my chest and snap. "Ah, no, I don't get it."

"You're not him?"

"Obviamente! You literally saw me earlier. Eh, you looked confused there too."

"You look exactly like him though, 'cept he's a guy?" If it is me, then probably not all the time. "And you're a spider person too?" The boy seems confused, overwhelmed as he looks me up and down.

"Who said I wasn't?" I grumble, stuck on the 'guy' part. "I'm whatever the fuck I want." Eyes roll as I cross my other arm under my chest. "Wait, spider person?"

"Ma," Miles utters.

"'Ma?' Is'at why... earlier?" The kid repeats with furrowed brows in a questioning tone.

"Earlier?" Miles hums. Oh, I pretty much kissed the boy, well, he misunderstood our relationship anyway.

"Nothing! Aaron, Ima go hide behind your island," I mutter before walking over there, pinching the bridge of my nose. What the fuck is happening?

"Tch, mamí," Miles huffs as he trails after me. "Espera un segundo." He grabs my wrist, tugging me closer to him as my eyes flick to his hand. His other hand comes up to cup the side of my neck, gloved thumb lightly stroking under my jaw.

"This whole fucking thing is confusing, ion like bein confused, it makes me feel stupid." I frown as I whisper to the boy, head down, leaning into his hand as I stare at my feet. "Beside what are you even gonna do with him?! You can't really jus keep him tied up like that either. Anyways, I may have almost, kinda... kissed him?"

"You what?"

"HEY! I'm not kidding, man. I didn't know, I'm fucking tired and pissed off because I feel fucking stupid!"

I've calmed down a bit now, having talked to Miles and Aaron about the boy. I am sitting on the back of Aaron's couch next to Miles who is leaning against it, staring at the kid who had been lowered back down, with scrunched eyebrows. He stared back, just as confused and scared as when he first woke up and Miles and Aaron startled the shit out of him.

"Oi," I start, undoing my shoelaces, watching as the boy's brows twitch. "Who are you?"

"Spiderman, same as you." My face morphs into a scowl as I set my shoes under me. "You've gotta be good, please you gotta let me go!"

"I'm not no 'spiderman', that's not my name, and I'm not all that good either. Your name, your real name! What is it?"

"Miles Morales." My eyes flick to Miles, my Miles, who is already looking back at me from the corner of his eye.

"Huh, same pretty face and ya even have the same name, not weird or overwhelming at all."

"Don' call 'im that,"

"Ay, cállate, ¿que te pasa? Now's not the time to be jealous over stupid bullshit." I'm tempted to lightly hit his shoulder with the back of my hand as I huff. "Aaron, get y'r kid."

"Talk ta Rio bout that." He mutters from across the room, eyes also glued to this second 'Miles'.

"Ughh,"Falling backwards onto the seat of the couch, my head dangles off of it, calves hanging off the top, where I was previously, as I throw an arm over my face. "I'm fucking exhausted." Miles turns to look down at me, crossing his arms as he sighs. "Hey Spiderman, how are you even here?"

"A machine sent me here instead of my home, and I need to get back there."

"Mhm, yeah, yeah you keep saying that." I hum as I nod to myself, brushing some of my hair back, looking back at it as it hangs ungracefully above the ground. "Y'r dad's gonna die or somthin, right?"

"Yes! I gotta go stop it."

"Hmm, that's not really my problem though." A quick pause to yawn, throwing my arms up to stretch. "That machine, what is it."

"I'm not really supposed to say..."

"Maybe if ya wanna fucking leave, you should talk!" I bolt up, stumbling a little as I grip the back of the couch. "What's the machine, Spiderman?"

The boy winces before answering, very hesitant to open his mouth, it was irritating. "I- huuhh, they called it the 'Go Home Machine,'"

"They?" Miles mutters.

"Some exclusive spider society they wouldn't let me be part of, they're fucked up anyway." His face morphs into a grimace and voice turns bitter as he barks out the last few words of his sentence. I'm not gonna question that right this second.

"Sounds lame, why would you wanna be part of something like that? I wouldn'." I hum, biting the skin of my bottom lip to keep from laughing at him. "Eh, I don't think they'd wan' me either anyway, hm? Bein a 'wanted criminal' and all." I shoot Miles a stupid look as I grin, smile widening further as I watch him shrug. "Anyways... earlier, you said it sent you here by mistake, why?"

"I think it's 'cause the spider that bit me was from here."

"How did it get ta where y'r from?"

"Alchemax,"

"Oh," I snap my fingers, eyes lighting up in recognition, then another pause to yawn. "That trash. Anyways, thank you Uncle, for letting me talk," I smile at the man as he nods. "We're still going to continue this conversation later, boy," Brows furrowing as my attention switches back to him. "But since I'm kind, no, since he," I snap again and point to my boy leaning against the couch and staring down at me. "Doesn't seem to mind goin along with my ideas, and Aaron too apparently, I get to untie you! But, we still gotta make sure you don't go causin trouble, so I also have the pleasure of hand cuffin you to the weight racks behind you. You get ta hang out there." I hold my hand out so Miles can take it and pull me up. Dusting my hands off in a slightly dramatic manner, I walk closer to the bag which the boy is currently tied too. "So, behave, I don't wanna have ta hurt you more than we already have."

"Well, that was easy, thanks for the cooperation." I smile as I lean down to look at the boy, who is now leaning uncomfortably against exercise equipment racks, right wrist cuffed to a bar as he sits on the hardwood floor. "You really are pretty."

"Uh, ok, t-thanks?" It's so hard to try and not laugh in his face, cute. I quickly stand back up and turn away from him.

"Good night, Spiderman." I hum as I walk back over to Aaron's couch, leaning over the back to rest my chin on the sprawled-out Mile's shoulder for a second, watching whatever he's doing on his phone, before walking off to find some of his spare clothes. After getting out of my suit, I wander back over to the couch, laying down next to Miles, laying my head on the top of his thighs. Peering down at me, Miles smiles faintly, taking a hand off of his phone and brushing loose hair off of my forehead before resting it against it.

"This is stressful," I whisper to him. "Prob'ly a billion times worse for 'im though, hm? So, I have no right to complain, we're selfish."

"I guess," His thumb lightly runs up and down the bridge of my nose. Miles leans down, lightly kissing me, I could feel him smiling. When he tries to pull back I tug him back towards me by the back of his neck, my other hand on his cheek as I shift to be pressed further against him.

"We really are selfish," I whisper against his lips.