Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Xiang?”

. . .

“Xiang! Are you in there?”

I spoke in a booming voice as I tried to call out to him from the opposite side of the door connected to his room, and despite the yelling there was no answer. I tried knocking, and I received nothing. My patience was starting to become thin, so I curled my hand into a fist and banged on the door. Determined to get an answer.

It was an early morning, I would say it was 8:36 A.M ? None of us carry watches unfortunately, and our phones have died a long time ago. The only way I can tell is by how the sun appeared to be.. approximately 80.10° above the horizon from what I have seen outside. If only we could make electricity, that would really be useful. I understand how some people would not be up this early, or not used to it; the majority of individuals like sleeping in, but it’s a new day. We have to make the most of it.

Who knows what we can accomplish in a day, our efforts and progress is important no matter what we do. Hell, as long as we are all alive; I’d consider that a win.

“.. Whaat?”

The sound of his groggy voice managed to surprise me, for I had expected my efforts to be prolonged further due to his deep sleep. I smiled underneath my mask with satisfaction and relief, but if I don’t respond quickly; Xiang will just return back to sleep. Steadfast, I recollect myself.

“Come on! Wake up, meet us all outside when you’re ready. Don’t fall back asleep.”

With a lighthearted threat, I decided to leave Xiang alone with my slight condescending tone. I don’t mean to come off as snobby, I don’t want to be viewed wrongly by everyone. I am only showing my concerns for everyone. Even if I don’t know them all that well, it doesn’t matter - we are all in this together, we are a group for a reason. Besides, a friend of Ren is considered cool in my book.

.

. 

.

“.. Hhm ..”

RECON’s footsteps have faded out, and the sounds of birds chirping and the trees rustling from the wind filled the silence; where it managed to wake me up enough to bring me back down to reality, I rub my eyes and open a bit of my curtains; revealing the bright light and flowing grass, there were barely any clouds too. Even the bells we all hung up around our house coincided with the breeze. Today appeared to be a nice morning, though.. What could be awaiting this day.?

I removed the blanket off my body and quickly sat up, but as I was sitting I just had to hit my head with the hanging leaves attached to the ceiling. I wondered why the previous person who inhabited the room decided to ever add that as some pathetic way of decoration– What am I thinking.?! I’m getting mad over the dumbest things..

Whatever, it won’t matter because we are all traveling to another rural area. We’ll be out of here soon enough. As my eyes were slowly adjusting to my surroundings, the beautiful view managed to distract me for a while from what happened to our normal lives for a moment. If only there was a way to revert this. However, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to just fall back down onto bed and continue sleeping; the state of our world had me on edge lately.

I have already lost two friends before this shit, and I am not planning to add another to the counter.

“.. Am I really the only one that was still asleep?”

I questioned myself while getting up from bed, it was progressively becoming harder to wake myself up each day; I mean, who would want to wake up to an apocalyptic world? My hidden forlorn desires of being free, being ridden from this insufferable nightmare, yet I have responsibilities to do. I have friends to take care of, and I must force myself to arise every tomorrow. Until the day I die. That’s how Jay would want me to go, I’m sure of it. She’d want me to live my life doing everything I possibly can. She’d be proud of me, right?

With a sigh, I got myself ready for the day; putting on my headphones and grabbing the only saved memoir of her: a photo, and I placed it inside my pocket. Making sure it securely stays there. I had to also make sure to not trip over anything, because admittedly the room was messy; there were dusty piles of clothes covering the side of the walls, which was probably from the last person who used to be here. There were letters, and even those newspapers that contained those weird conspiracy theories on how the world is ending.

Those fuckers may have jinxed it.

I managed to make it to the exit, evading the rubbish on the ground, and the moment I swung open my door, I was greeted with more light seeping from the many windows at the front of the house; my eyes had to be covered by the abrupt brightness attacking my vision. Give me a break, I just woke up. This inconvenience irritated me — every little thing did — but I knew I had to brush it off. Things will get better sooner or later, I was only lethargic. I focused my gaze onto the cool blue color of the walls, and the wooden flooring. My body twisted from side to side as I stretched my limbs and cracked my bones, I might as well meet everyone that was.. Outside? Right?

RECON told me to meet everyone outside.. Or that’s what I think he said.

Well, the inside of the house is empty and eerily quiet, so of course everyone is outside. Otherwise I would be hearing conversations right up to both my ears. Technically speaking.. I’m actually glad most of us have the morale to enlighten and entertain everyone else in the group, our happiness is equally important as protecting each other and food. I wish that I could share that same positivity with everyone else, but what is there to be positive in this mess?

While I was making my way to the entrance of the house, I suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder. My heart felt like it stopped, and my senses had sharpened in that exact moment. I was confused on why they placed a hand on me, but if they were about to shove me or drag me down to the ground; I was not going to take any chances. Instinctively, I twisted my body around and was about to do whatever it took to defend myself from potential danger.

“Woah, woah?! Hey!”

.. False alarm.

“Oh– Leandra. I’m.. sorry.”

I scratched the back of my head awkwardly as Leandra looked at me with an unamused expression on her face, she seemed disappointed in me. Nonetheless, she played it off with a smile and flicked her wrist. It was a relief knowing that she wasn’t mad at me for what I was about to do, I looked away and my hand trailed down to the back of my neck regardless because I felt.. Guilty . This morning isn’t up to my standards.

“You okay? What made you almost elbow me in the face?”

She opened her eyes and she was sending me daggers through her vision, it legitimately made me feel like I dodged a bullet. She had her hands clasped with each other and acted so innocent, as if she wasn’t about to whoop my ass if I hadn’t realized so early; she is one of the reasons why I have to be on my toes. I brought my arm back down to my side and gathered my thoughts.

“I.. just woke up, and I thought that I was about to get attacked.. I.. am on edge.”

“Aren’t we all?”

Leandra tilted her head to the side and smiled, her optimism felt like it was leaking through that grin of hers; that’s what it felt for me at least. This whole charade she makes out gives off the sense it’s forced, maybe I am having a rough morning. My thoughts are not helping..

“Come now, breakfast is almost ready!”

She grabbed my arm as she opened the door and dragged me outside, I was taken aback by the abrupt change of action. My eyes scanned what was now in front of me: Max.. and Ren seemed to be serving everyone pasta, and the rest were already sitting at the picnic table. They all looked happy and talkative with each other, which made me feel content. Leandra let go of my arm and walked towards Cassie with a kick in her step, and I curiously watched before joining them.

“Cass!”

Cassie swiveled her body around in her seat, and her eyebrows rose in surprise before her expression shifted to gaiety. Upon noticing Leandra’s arms outstretched for a hug, she reciprocated the gesture, and Leandra fell into her arms in delight. They returned each other’s embrace with genuine happiness, in spite of seeing the other every day.

“Leah!”

The sight of Cassie and Leandra’s happiness together, with Leandra leaning next to Cassie and resting her head on her shoulder, made me wonder if they may have feelings for each other. However, I quickly reminded myself that it isn’t my place to speculate about other people’s relationships. Instead, I snapped out of my thoughts and made my way towards the table; where I was happily welcomed by Cassie and RECON, I sat at the opposite end of Leandra. I lean back and look towards Ren and Max inquisitively while they, too, served me a plate of pasta.

“.. Thanks.”

As soon as Max and Ren sat down at the table, all the chatter ceased, and the only sound left was the sounds of the group eating. I found it to be an interesting occurrence, yet not out of the ordinary. It was quite common now for these kinds of conversations to end when people began to enjoy their meal. Food was scarce, so it was understandable that everyone was hungry and focused on eating. I occasionally glanced up from my plate of food, — I was almost done anyway, it’s not like I had a big portion — everyone was gaining energy it appears, That was good. Which brought me to a question.

I swallowed the food in my mouth, and spoke clearly enough that everyone could hear me well.

“Hey, guys? Isn’t it time we traverse to another rural area?”

As I asked the question, everyone else lowered their heads to their plates and remained silent. It seemed that they were all waiting and wanted someone else to answer for them; they’re just too occupied to answer a simple question? Thanks guys. I was left hanging and feeling ignored, although I understood everyone’s situation; it would be nice if I got a yes or no answer. Luckily, I noticed Max was going to chime in with her two cents. It’s better than no one answering.

“Uh, yeaah? It’s been like, three days or so..”

Max was playing with their fork; moving it around in a circular motion as the pasta attached to it was swinging with the movement. She was gesticulating. Meanwhile I was disquieted that she might hit anyone nearby with her oscillating food.

“Right.”

I got up from my seat and grabbed my dirty plate. I was the first one to surprisingly be finished with my food, and the portions everyone had were pretty small. I guess I am the only one that scarfs food down, I can’t be wasting time and enjoying the taste and texture of my food when I could be doing something more time-efficient..

As I was putting my dish away, I looked back at the picnic table and recounted the people who were dining. Three.. Four..-- Five.

Five?

“.. Hey, Max?”

Max’s ears perked up to the sound of their name being called, and her eyes looked up towards me. I recount everyone sitting at the table just if I’m possibly mistaking things, and was about to make a total fool of myself. No, there were still five people at the table.

“Where’s your.. uh, sister? I thought we were also going to go out and scavenge for supplies before hitting the road?”

I questioned and pointed at her and to the right, as if they are conjoined judging by how I don’t usually see one of the twins without the other. It’s sort of weird how this is the second time I have seen Max without Kira by her side, hopefully nothing bad has happened to her.

“Kira’s fixing some defenses around the area, she learned it from reading the books here in the master's bedroom." Max answered. "I know we're all planning to leave today, but she thought it'd be nice to keep this place defended incase a breach happens.."

I was.. galvanized to hear how Kira was able to set up more defense mechanisms around the perimeter, despite us moving soon. It makes me realize more how those twins can be a massive unit with their combined strengths, I’m glad we have them in our group. Despite.. my abhorrence for that colored freak — we’re in the apocalypse, not a damn birthday party — she manages to still kick ass regardless, so I guess it’s not my place to discriminate...

Max finished their meal and rose from the table, plate in hand. She looked into the distance, taking a deep breath, before carrying their plate and stacking it on top of mine.

“I better go help her though, I can’t leave her alone. I’m responsible after–”

“Are you serious?”

Max and I were astounded to hear a new voice joining our conversation, so I oddly turned my head towards the source of the voice. Upon realizing the intrusion, I crossed my arms in a stance of defense and protection; in case things go south and start up a heated fight judging from the tone I heard out of them.

.. Ren?

“What? What’s wrong with me helping my sister?”

Ren’s gaze shifted toward Max, with his head tilted over his shoulder and his arm resting on the table’s surface, clutching the utensil he had been using to eat his pasta. He resembled someone in a state of agitation, and RECON — his friend — sitting next to him and appearing concerned and stern about what Ren might try. He has been a bit more on edge than all of us lately.. which is surprisingly odd.

“Nothing’s wrong with that, it’s just.. I don’t know– What if something bad happens to us?”

I think and reflect about his words carefully, and to be honest: he has a point. Anything could happen outside of our base’s walls. Max is a valuable asset to the group, everyone is, but in this case we need all the support we can get out there. We need all hands on deck.

“We can really use your strength and defense prowesses out there, you know? And bringing Kira along won’t be a hassle, we know you are going to be protecting her already in the case of infecteds, and we can look after her too. We just..”

Ren had to take a deep breath because of how fast he was attempting to explain himself properly, he was getting panicked, worried. I noticed. Everyone noticed. He was trying to choose his words extra carefully in case it might set Max off about her twin. RECON saw how his best friend was struggling so hard on communicating, and he slowly rose his arm and placed a hand on his shoulder; showing his care.

Ren pushed RECON’s hand off of him. To which the masked man realized he might have disturbed him for the moment.

“We usually do these supply hunts with everyone, don’t we? It’s been so long since that.. I guess I kinda miss it?-- I..-"

“Jesus, Ren. Nostalgic much? Besides, we already see each other enough. We might as well tie ourselves altogether in a bind since you don’t want us going off somewhere and doing our own thing.”

I was getting more staggered when I saw RECON chime in with his two cents, I was even amused by this? I couldn’t help it, these stupid lighthearted banters is the only thing I consider entertainment at this point. As long as no one takes it too far, it’s okay.

Ren’s smile wavered for a moment as he locked his gaze with RECON, looking slightly perturbed by his friend’s teasing. He shrugged his shoulders and tilted his hat down a bit, seeming to brush off the jest. His body rotated and faced forward at the table.

“I’m just saying…”

In an attempt to ward off the mocking, Ren waved his hands defensively and rolled his head to one side. RECON kept his attention on his best friend, nudging him playfully in an attempt to rile him up. However, Ren simply flicked his mask with an unamused expression, indicating that he was unmoved by the playful jab.

“Ah!-- Hey!”

RECON smacked his friend’s hat down onto his nose, causing Ren to snap his head toward him and engage in a playful headlock. He ruffled his white hair, his cat-eared beanie was slowly sliding because of how much he kept colliding with his accessory. They continued horsing around; roughhousing with each other. Until I decided it was time to get a move on, I cleared my throat. The two boys stopped and looked towards me; possibly embarrassed, while I noticed Leandra rolling her eyes and Cassie quietly chuckling. RECON was happy to see how he managed to make Ren feel a bit better, although it was hard to tell due to his mask, his body language expressed it well enough.

“Well, Max.. Do what you need to do, I’m sure we all can handle ourselves out there.”

“Thank you, Xiang.”

From that simple conclusion, Max started to walk away from the table, waving at us goodbye, and the others did so in return as I simply nodded. Then, I returned my attention to the people seated; Ren was keeping to himself again, while RECON and Leandra started to initiate conversation. I can’t tell whether they’re going to argue over something stupid, or probably gossiping. Those two would probably get along with that. Cassie..

Cassie looks exhausted, but she manages to smile out of something from their talk. Well, I think it’s because of Leandra.

Definitely.

“Alright!” I exclaimed. “Let’s get a move on, guys.”

RECON and Cassie got up from their seats, while Leandra was hurriedly finishing her plate; she was too caught up in admiring Cassie in general, which makes me worry if she’ll be too entranced in Cassie’s presence to be distracted in the simplest things.. Let alone eating. We need her out there, she’s a good hitter, and perhaps even better than me. Ren groaned and stretched his limbs in peculiar ways to the point it caught my attention. I was concerned if that was normal of him to do, but this is Ren I’m talking about; he is an enigma.

“Is there a certain area we are scavenging? Or are we just exploring mindlessly and hope we find something."

Cassie had asked me a good question, but luckily I did get a glance at a house in the middle of the forest. The placement was odd, considering it was all alone with no other neighboring estates, but perhaps the owners who used to live in that building wanted to be alone and disconnect from society. I nod, with my bat now in my hand.

"Yeah, just follow my lead and stick close."

It always scares me everytime we go out and scavenge for supplies, whether it is all of us or just a few. Never once have we tried going alone, we didn't want to risk it. Well, I didn't want to risk it. RECON suggested to me a while back on how he would be willing to go solo for a trip when Kira and Max were injured during an infected horde because we were running low on medical supplies, I remember turning it down -- despite RECON's concern and insistence -- we had to keep a close eye on them and their behaviors. We tended to their wounds the best we could with bandages, yet later on we had gauze and painkillers right at our door. RECON didn't listen.

 I was mad at him, but he did the right thing at a close time.

I just hope we don't end up in another situation like that again, he was lucky. We are all lucky enough to be here, alive and still.

Yet how much more time left until our luck runs out.?

. . .

I snapped out of my thoughts, noticing how everyone was idly waiting for me to make a move. Flustered, I clear my throat and spun around; my grip tightened on my bat as I tried to distract the embarrassment of their eyes lingering on me.

".. Let's go."

Chapter Text

[My English here is completely messed up, and you may see repeating words from here on out. I apologize, and I am sorry - again - for this chapter releasing so late. I hope you enjoy it.]

The forest was alive with the sounds of birds chirping and squirrels rustling about. An old dirt path weaved through the forest, with tall, dark, trees on either side. The path was uneven and the grass on both sides of it long, showing that not many survivors were present in this part of the woods. The trees had long, hanging branches that stretched far out, giving glimpses of sunlight through them, letting the leaves dance with the wind..

Even though humanity is ending with this virus, the world remains oh so beautiful. I personally feel that this apocalypse has given me more reason to appreciate the things around me. My surroundings, my experiences, my friends.. Leandra, this walk can even be my last moment on seeing them. Well, I already had a familiar experience with Marco.

Marco .

That name hasn’t been uttered out or thought of ever since the last time we saw him. I feel like we all became emotionally numb after he had passed, and his death was terribly unfortunate.. I can't even forget the way he looked: the black type of sludge pouring out of his rotting and deteriorating body, the revolting smell, the discoloration.. I can't get myself to say anymore. Yet at the start of this apocalypse, we decided to either never mention him at all for the time being or just move on. For our sakes and to reserve our morales.

....

Move on?

How the fuck could I move on?!

Whose idea was that in the first place?! It’s been so long.. I can barely remember, there have been so many fucked up shit we have all endured the past months, we all probably consensually agreed without thinking it over due to the mass panic that came to be. Nevertheless, I don’t understand how everyone else could have moved on, especially Leandra! Me and her knew Marco the longest yet how is she not affected? Did she even care about him.? No, she had to, but then how has she turned a blind eye so fast.? I can’t move on that easily..!?

.. Am I falling behind.?

Perhaps I’m just not built for this dreadful world. All of us aren’t actually; well, uh.. that’s up for debate. I definitely know that I am not capable of surviving, it's because of my emotions.. Especially with my anxiety. It keeps getting me and everyone else in dangers that would have been avoided! Like.. Max and Kira's...

Stop.

I can't, stop.

Honestly, I think I would have killed myself immediately if I did not have my friends, or Leandra. I can't grasp the fact on how they have pardoned me from all the bullshit I've got them into. Telling me it's okay when it's obviously not! I'm practically dependent on them, and I can't help but feel genuinely horrible. They don't deserve that, they don't deserve someone pathetic like me who isn't that helpful or important to the group. Anyhow, I like to think that in an alternate universe I am actually useful to them, in that case if alternate universes are a thing.

Maybe there is a universe where this virus never happens and we get to live our lives finishing high school, graduating, and hopefully living to our 80’s. Maybe there is a universe where nothing bad ever happens to us.

Maybe there is a universe where Marco lives.

Maybe he lives in each and every one of them, but not here. It’s unfair.

He didn’t deserve—

“Cassie!” 

Leandra yelled out from behind me, she grabbed my hand as I snapped back into reality; my vision fixed on the steep hill and what was downward: rocks and a stream. She pulled me back with no effort and gave me a quick embrace. My senses and shoulders relax when I find myself enveloped in her warmth, I wrapped my arms around her; returning back this nice action.

“Please, watch where you’re going... You gave me a heart attack, and I'm too young and pretty for all of that-”

“Leandra.!”

I heard RECON sharply whisper in front of us, he swiveled around and held his index finger right in front of his frowning mouth on his circular mask. Gesturing her to be quiet. 

“Do you want to let scabs know we’re here..?”

“Sorry that I was a bit loud..!” Leandra had a sarcastic tone and she rolled her eyes. She didn't let go from our hug. “I was making sure one of us didn't die by a tragic fall.”

“Keep it down next time then.”

RECON turned back around and shook his head; displaying disappointment, slinging his bag over his shoulder and clenching his fist. He was weirdly taking it too serious over something that shouldn't have been his top focus at this moment. I could have died, but for some reason his top concern is bringing attention to other walkers because he just.. doesn’t want to get eaten? Or he doesn't want to use up any energy on fighting right now. I think it's the latter.

“Do you seriously not care how Cassie could have killed hers—?!“

“Both of you!” Xiang interrupted Leandra and RECON’s bickering. “Please, Shut the fuck up!— Can you both not argue at a time like this? Can we have a quiet and nice walk?”

Ren looked at Xiang with an awkward smile on his face, I can easily tell his expressions by now — despite almost every smile he possesses being difficult to read — due to his grin looking strained. He placed his hand on Xiang’s shoulder and patted it. 

“Now’s not the time to be acting like babies,” Xiang huffed, he cleared his throat. “.. Please. Get along, or else you both might cost us our lives.”

He finished his sentences off in a passive aggressive manner, despite his words clearly displaying that said aggression. I couldn’t hear - or understand - what he was muttering afterwards, but I can only assume he was potentially cursing under his breath in his native tongue. I’m not sure if Xiang’s day will get any better since he did look pretty wrecked when he came outside of the house when he woke up. Here’s hoping. 

Safe to say that RECON and Leandra were both quiet, as the atmosphere grew even more tense. I have to admit that I felt hurt hearing how RECON was only concerned about Leandra’s volume rather than me possibly dying, but it was my fault for not paying attention anyway. I guess he reacted that way because of stress, for which I don’t blame him for not wanting that to happen; we’re out in the open, although we know how to fight, we don’t exactly know how to deal with massive hordes under pressure if that does happen to us again today. 

We’re just teenagers who can still do reckless things, and Max and Kira could have probably been okay if we had everything under control.

.. They would have been okay in general if I wasn't so stupid.

I glance back at Leandra, seeing how she carries an irritated expression on her rather than one filled with contentment. That small cheeky smile I love is replaced with a frown, and a negative expression never suited her. I wanted to help her, in some way, somehow. That was when I realized my finger was grazing against hers, as if it longed to hold her hand.

I didn't expect my small gesture to be reciprocated.

It was safe to say that Leandra was not intending to let go, and a part of that assumption was to also make sure I don’t possibly walk off a ledge.. It was only one time, and I was just zoning out.. I’m not clumsy or something.

When I dragged my eyes away from the lovely gesture me and Leah are sharing, I noticed Xiang talking to RECON. I couldn’t exactly pinpoint what the topic was, but at least he wasn’t getting scolded? Or maybe he already did and I didn’t hear because I was too immersed in holding Leandra’s hand. Well, RECON’s behavior back there didn’t matter to me; not like I wanted more tension in the atmosphere, and since he was that pissy over Leandra being loud when I COULD HAVE DIED. Then I’m glad Xiang didn’t decide to make him fall over the edge.

.. Huh, it’s a bit off putting to me.

I’m not sure if it’s just my intuition; my gut feeling, but Ren and RECON haven’t been that buddy-buddy lately. I mean, like, they weren’t talking to each other as much despite them messing around with each other — roughly — an hour ago.

An hour ago? No, it hasn’t been-.. Well, it does feel like..

… Euh.

“Xiang?” 

“What is it?”

I see him turn his head over his shoulder to look at me, that.. tone of his whenever he speaks to me, and it’s not just me he only speaks like this. It’s like he’s more, well, gentle? More sweeter than anyone else in the group. He’s pretty neutral toward RECON, Kira, Leandra.. I think he forces himself to be neutral with Max, actually. I can’t tell his expressions, but hearing his voice; the strain and snide words in order to not make it seem like he doesn’t have a problem with her..

“Do you have a guess on how long we’ve been walking?” I cocked my head to the side curiously, my eyebrow raised whilst I heard the pretty girl beside me giggle by my gesture.

If it wasn’t obvious, Xiang doesn’t like Max. Why? The answer is unknown. Is it their bubbly personality? The bright colors? Max is a good friend, sure she may come off a bit hyper.. but she didn’t do anything wrong… This was a problem even before this zombie apocalypse, all she did was exist and he was mad at her. Or — maybe — there is some secret argument they had, or a rivalry?— No, that’s even dumber.

“I’d say eleven minutes,” Xiang turned his head back around. “don’t worry.. we’re almost there.”

“Eleven..??”

.. I could have sworn it was way longer than that, how was I so off.

Ugh, anyway. Hopefully Xiang gets to warm up and gain a liking for Max, he didn’t really talk to her that much.. and now that the world is ending it uncomfortably feels like he’s doing all of that just for the sake of our safety, our team. Max has some fantastic combat skills, I’m sure everyone acknowledges that; those fencing skills really paid off in the end! The two would be a unit together…

“Now now, Cass..” I felt Leandra’s hand squeeze mine. “Don’t tell me you’re getting impatient?”

“Of course not! I was just curious, that's all.”

“Don’t get red, I’m only joking. No need to get so defensive...”

I shake my head to distract the blush on my face, I feel like I'm an easy target for her to pick on and get myself taken aback. Well, after a few moments of calming myself down from her quips, I raised my head and my eyes were now fixating on someone else: Ren. He seems sad; his shoulders were tensed up, his head was looking down, his arms were uncomfortably close together and were not moving with his walk, and his jaw was clenched with that usual smile of his. I don't know if his smiles are forced or not, but I'm hoping they're genuine. Otherwise that'd certainly be concerning, and sad.

I shake Leandra’s hand and her head immediately looks down upon the oscillations, she shakes back.

“What?”

“Let’s go to Ren!”

“The quiet one?” Leandra looked up from our hands and viewed Ren from afar, he was holding his spear tightly now. “He looks tense, are you sure? Maybe he wants to be alone, like he always does..."

“It’ll be fine~..” I flicked my wrist dismissively then followed with a smile. “Come on, I know him all too well about what he’d be feeling behind that smiling expression.”

“… How can you tell just by a smile—??“

“I’ve learned.”  Throwing a witty remark, distracting my inner thoughts that are doubting my skills and knowledge of Ren. I gently dragged Leandra with me. Not letting go of her hand. “Now let’s go.”

We trekked over to Ren with our subtle increased speed and I tapped his shoulder, he turned his head over to the side; his eyes - seemingly - looking to their right since he removed his tense posture and he widened his smile faintly. He lowered his spear and slowed down his walking pace to walk beside me.

“Hey, Ren!” With a gentle wave, I realized I was smiling back. Perhaps his smile was just contagious whenever I'm around him, or maybe I'm just relieved to see him managing to have a smile in dire situations like this. “How are you feeling right now?”

. . .

He opened his palm with his free hand and slowly rotated it, flipping over to his palm then to the back of it. I took that as him telling me he was feeling alright right now. I softly chuckled and nodded in understanding, meanwhile Leandra was sort of confused. This made me remember that this was one of her rare interactions with Ren, how many times did they interrelate? Like, four times?.. Including this one.

“.. Oh, well it’s better than it being bad. Right?”

Ren nodded.

Leandra stared at the both of us with an added sense of perplexity, but she knew it wasn’t really her business to pry. However, I decided to let her know about Ren’s selective mutism; this was her first time witnessing it anyway, which is.. odd to me.? Oh, hell. They barely have gotten used to each other this whole time, but it's not like any of them intended to get along with each other that closely. Leandra probably tried one time, but Ren most likely stayed silent. Urk, whatever, I'm here now and I am intending to change that. I think Leandra would like him!

“Ren has selective mutism, meaning he’s unable to speak in certain social situations.”

“.. Isn’t that an anxiety disorder?” Leandra inspected Ren, and the Japanese boy looked away.

“Mhm!” I nodded, proud of her for knowing such a thing. I squeezed my hand against hers, my thumb rubbing against the skin on the back of her hand. My girl grinned somewhat lovingly. “He’s not comfortable talking in public spaces, but he’s able to when he is comfortable.. Like when we’re at base or with people he is comfortable having around.”

“So then why isn’t he talking now? We’re not really in a public space .” Leandra hummed. “Is it me?”

Ren snapped back to face Leandra, but he looked down. Being unable to remain in eye contact. He shook his head and his shoulders drooped; giving a defeated posture. I gently patted his shoulder, trying to tell him to take it easy and that it was not his fault. Guess my suspicions were thrown out of the window, me and Leandra were in bewilderment by that revelation; in spite of that, I did not want Leandra to know that I didn't.. know- It's not like she can read my mind? My previous thoughts? I... am okay.

“Of course not, don't say that!..” I squeezed her hand once more, as if I haven't been holding her that tightly originally. I shrugged my shoulders as I looked up at my Leandra. "Ren's probably..."

.. Huh.

“Uh, I don’t really know why Ren isn’t talking. T-Though I’m sure he has his reasons!” I innocently peeped at Ren. “Am I right?”

Ren nodded.

I should stop trying to answer for Ren, to not be his words when he can't spew them. I don't know what I'm doing, don't know what he's feeling, his thoughts. I speak about and for him with confidence as if I was his mind. Ren doesn't even-...

He's.

He nudged me.

Did he notice me spiralling? Did I make it that obvious?.. It does not matter anymore, anyway. It unexpectedly made me snap into my senses again, so I thank him for his silent reassurance with a bob of my head, and I stared back at Leandra with regained confidence.

“See, it’s fine. I know what I’m doing, Leah.”

“I didn’t doubt you..” She assured me with a lighthearted tone and smirk, also my hand was now swaying with hers in a back and forth motion. Leah always likes seeing me in a poised and assertive manner in contrast to my anxiety..

“Good.”

I knew she’d never.

“Alright, everyone.” The sound of Xiang’s voice caused us to point our focus on him, as we stopped behind waiting for him to continue. He pointed in front of us. “We’re here, look alive.”

What was laying there was a spacious factory, the brick walls had faded and deteriorated which had vines and overgrown plants growing on it. Some windows were still intact while others were boarded up, also the entrance was bent and torn off; which should set some alarms off if the broken windows weren’t enough. There’s also factory equipment littered across the inside of the building and around, the only things alive are the grass around us and birds chirping inside the factory.

… Not that I don’t trust Xiang’s lead and what he’s doing, but I don’t think there’s going to be anything valuable in there just by appearances alone, and I just know that everyone else is thinking the same thing I am.

“.. Xiang.” Leandra’s body pivoted toward him. “Are you sure there’s anything that’s worth looting?”

“You’ll never know if there’s some hidden resources that the previous survivors might have missed, and the place is huuge!” Xiang flicked his wrist twice, trying to be jocose. “There could also be some parts people may have missed.”

“.. If there’s nothing that could have been found, I’m hitting you over the head.” Leandra was always a woman that found her time important, she is not fond of them being wasted over something stupid. She crossed her arms and contracted her eyes.

“Can we just go?” RECON interrupted, which caused a glare from Leandra. “I don’t think it’s that serious, I agree with Xiang; there is a possibility.”

“I’ll have you know that it’s not just us that’s surviving. If the obvious must be stated for dunces.” Leandra poked the top of RECON’s mask with mockery in her sign. “Everyone’s desperate enough to search every corner, just for something— Even a grain of bread would be taken by these savages.”

“Do not-” RECON waved Leandra’s finger away. Where she let out a small laugh in amusement. “Touch me. I think you’re overthinking this a bit too much, don’t you recall our previous scavenges with this type of scenario? Or do you need a refresher with those negative thoughts clouding your insignificant brain.”

“Don’t need one, I can call back to those moments just fine. My memory is top notch, you know.” Leandra smiled with a hint of assertiveness as she flaunted her memory. I can tell she wasn't trying to start a fight. “I’m not overthinking at all, I’m being realistic. In this reality, we aren't always going to have good things coming our way.”

“Well, it felt like you needed it considering how you’re thinking so pessimistically over us not possibly finding something.” RECON waved his hands dismissively. He shrugs. “Also, being realistic? Really. Are you like this all the time? You must have been fun at parties, if you ever went to one with that personality. I doubt anyone could have dealt with that, and I don't even know how Cassie can stand it.”

Do not ask me, please do not involve me in this.

“Guys—“

“If you can't handle me being grounded then you need to honestly grow the fuck up. What are you, ten?” Xiang had been interrupted by Leandra, she scoffed with her gradual irritation. “You’re always taking risks, thinking you’re some immortal being; how impractical and arrogant with your abilities. I’m genuinely confused— How reckless can you be? Do you want to die or something? You're a stupid little boy.”

Ren and I stared at the two, feeling the agitation slowly creeping up. However.. Xiang appeared to not have the patience of them any longer, he let out a deep sigh and cracked his knuckles.

“Both of you!” Xiang snapped his fingers as his hand shook briefly in frustration, the bickering two peered at him. “That is enough! What can be done to make you two get along.?!”

.. I could say the same for him and Max.

“... You know what? Let’s just go scavenge already.” The tip of Xiang’s bat was tapping against the flowing grass. “Yet the area is prodigious, and we need to cover some area; splitting up the field should do it. So!..—“

Ren abruptly spoke up with a quiet attitude, abnormally moving past that recent argument that broke out.

“Are you saying you’re putting us in te—“

“I’m putting you guys in teams!”

With a collective yet comical sigh, Xiang shook his head and placed his hands on his hips. It was like he was parenting us.

“Ren and Cassie will be together, you both will be covering the areas on the left.”

I immediately looked over to Ren, who had his usual smile. He spotted my eyes because of the thumbs ups and a nod, I'm happy to see him grateful for getting paired up with me; my mouth curves into a smile filled with appreciation. I'm glad me and him get along just fine, I can't say the same for Leandra and RECON. Speaking of...

“Leandra and RECON will be together, you both are taking the right areas.” Xiang slowly viewed Leandra and RECON, who were looking away and sulking like stubborn kids.

“I’ll be clearing the middle as well as the second floor, and I will eventually check up on the four of you when I’m done.”

“.. I feel like you paired us both up on purpose, Xiang.” RECON sighed with an annoyed style, which Leandra's eyebrow twitched with annoyance; she picked it up like bait.

“This is an opportunity for you both to get along and conceivably become better allies.” Xiang affirmed in a serious mood. “I’ll keep pairing you two up until you guys finally drop these immature arguments with one another.”

Xiang can definitely be stern when it is needed, but I can’t help but make out this situation with him and Max. It’s still picking at me, which is starting to get on my nerves.

“So, get used to it.” Xiang whirled 180° and began to trod inside the factory. “Stay on guard, and please don’t.. die.”

Xiang turned his head quickly over to RECON. Pausing his steps.

“That also means you and Leandra especially, don’t fucking kill each other.”

He had turned away again and went his said direction, leaving us four alone at the entrance for a brief moment.

“.. Xiang, you already set them up to kill each other... It's only a matter of time..”

I heard Ren’s mumble, and I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to hear that.. but I couldn’t help and stifle an amused giggle that hid my worries. We all eventually split up into our teams as Xiang went solo, knowing him? He’ll be just fine, hopefully.

We'll be fine.

Chapter Text

“So, Ren..”

I tried to start some small talk. I know we both can handle the silence that roams amidst each other.. but I feel like I'm in a talking mood today? Which was something I would have never expected from myself, I think I’m possessed?

“How.. are you.? After all of that.”

Ren shrugged his shoulders, he must have felt indifferent or something according to how many times we have seen those two get into such heated banter. At this point, we’re used to it. We shouldn't be, no one really knows how and why they don't like each other in the first place anyway. It's so confusing, did something happen between them? Was it before or during the end of the world? It's a mystery none of us have yet to solve.

“Ah, I get it.” I gently smiled. “You know, I don’t get why they can’t get along.”

. . .

“I don’t get it either.”

Ren finally spoke up, breaking the silence that had hung between us. I was a bit surprised, but glad to see that he was able to talk more comfortably now. I know I shouldn't ask why he was unable to before when me and Leandra came up to him previously. The curiosity was gnawing at me, but I held back; knowing some things were best left unsaid.

.. It makes me think that it really was Leandra then, was he just trying to be polite?

“I’m glad I’m not the only one, like, it’s so strange..— I just feel like they’re always trying to get the other mad or something..” I gesticulated while the bag slung over my shoulder started to slide down from my movements, my hand stopped to hold the strap when I raised my shoulder to slide the band back down to its original position. “What’s the point in that, really? We're supposed to be a team. Group of friends..”

“.. I don’t know.”

Ren’s straightforward and short answers will always get me. I pivot my foot to the side and began to search the clutter of factory equipment and.. metal file drawers, is there some office around here? I pulled onto the handles and inspected whatever was held in them: documents and update logs.

Update logs?

“This place is foul.”

I turned my attention to Ren inquisitively after hearing his two cents and a new topic to discuss about, hearing how it’s correlated to the factory’s smell. Honestly, I didn’t smell it at first before he pointed it out, and I think we should be used to horrendous smells by now. Except.. This is oddly different, it's more stronger. More potent. It's uncomfortably filling my nostrils, and I instinctively clogged my nose because of it.

“Despite you being loquacious, your directness makes up for it.”  I cringed and tried to waft the pungent odor away from my nose. I heard him respond with a nod as thanks whilst walking past me in my stop, my eyes locked and watching him enter room to room by the left part of the hall. Sometimes, I can’t tell whether or not he’s joking around or he’s indulging in me to shut me up. No, he's joking- Can I stop?

Can't stop, I can't help it. Why? Why do I do this to myself, why do I keep thinking this way?.. I don't know, I can't stop thinking about negative things that are about me since I don't ever deserve anything good for me. I don't deserve the luxury of my friends and their support. I don't deserve them. What have I ever done besides cause unwanted trouble? Nothing, I was never good for them nor good enough. I knew that from the start, and this apocalypse has worsened that fact. I'm not good at being cautious of my surroundings, of looking out for my friends, I can't focus; my mind just can't stop thinking back to when things were actually normal, and especially when Marco was still with us.

I can't let go.

They're too good for me, I'm just in their way. I'm slowing them down, I know of it. They probably talk shit about me behind my back, and Ren's probably staring at me like I'm some weirdo for behaving this way. Maybe if I was normal, then..

..........

What the fuck is that smell.

I came back down from my own world and found myself in another room attached to the hallway me and Ren were walking in, I'm assuming that Ren is still searching his own rooms on his side of the hall still. Though, judging by how vigorous that stench had gotten, I believe I've found the source. Well, where it's coming from at least. Was Ren avoiding this room in hopes of me to search it, orrr...

...

No, wait. How did I even get here?? I don't remember how I got in here.!

Was I that absorbed into my mind dwelling thoughts where I spaced out or something.?! I can't believe I was so distracted where such an abhorrent stench had to snap me out of it. It smells absolutely horrid.! My sense of smell is practically decaying! No, no. Keep it together, Cassie. It's most likely another dead body, but what if they're reanimated? If it's a scab? You can never be safe, even when you believe you are..

I quickly yet intensely grabbed hold of my stop sign, its ridged edges reminds me of how many dangerous events I have gone through. It's a reminder that I'm still alive, and how I have also killed a bountiful amount of des morts-vivants with my sign in hand. I'm strong, I can do this, I'm not as useless as I think I am.. I've survived for this long.! I can handle a measly zombie.

My legs traverse onward inside the room; however, I'm sacrificing more of my nose to kill this thing. It's - seriously - way worse than all of the other scabs we have encountered. My grasp subconsciously hardened, and my suspicions make me believe that this scab is all the way at the back of the room.. It's so dark all the way over there.! Is it actually that worth it to go way deeper inside of this dimly lit office just to kill one scab? What if this is a trap? I..

No. Focus, Cassie.

I took a few steps further, but my walk came to an abrupt halt.

Halt.

Oh

Oh my God. No.

NO

Am I seeing things, is this real? This can't be. That shouldn't BE POSSIBLE.

My grip was violently shaking: causing my weapon to drop onto the wooden floor, but the sound was muffled and overheard by the ringing now running through my ears. My heart is beating oh so loudly too; matching along with the high pitched sound. My breathing had become labored as my inhales were sharper than the last; coming in short quick bursts as I heaved. There was a bead of sweat forming atop of my forehead with my widened eyes staring at the sight ahead of me. I didn't want to move

move move move move

move

move move

move

I couldn't move.

How could  I move?

When he can't.

Why is he here?

How?

Out of all places, a factory?

Oh.. He looks even worse than before..

How'd he end up here from an-..

. . .

I can't just leave him like this.

I need to help him.

They'll understand.

.. I think I lost Cassie?

I did split up with her to cover more rooms and waste less time scavenging our side, but when I finished my rooms.. She's not anywhere in her rooms. This is concerning. I left her for, like, ten or so minutes? How did this happen..

I guess it's my fault for leaving her, or she just left to try and find me or the others? Well, I'll see her soon. Guess I'll keep looking in the meantime then.

So far, I've found a.. Semi-automatic pistol, and a pack of bullets: 9mm with a 115 full metal jacket, but I don't think it'd be that good with killing zombies due to its penetration capabilities. Perhaps I can keep these for Kira, and I can ask Xiang to teach her how to use a gun. I want her to at least be prepared to defend herself when the time comes when Max isn't able to be there. There's supposed to be fifty rounds in this thing, but I presume thirteen of them had been used from the dead guy I stole this from. Poor thing tried to defend himself with these flimsy bullets. Are - most - store bought bullets this bad? Or did he just suck at defending himself?

Doesn't matter, I'm not an expert in that area, and I don't care about what happened to him. He's dead in the end.

My scavenge was shit, and I'm hoping Cassie and the others are having better luck than me. Meanwhile I'm standing still and looking around idly like a damn fool, I need to find someone. Preferably Xiang.. I... I don't want to interrupt whatever Leandra and RECON have going on at the moment, it's weird. I genuinely think their pitiful arguments are immature and really unnecessary, yet thanks to Leandra's "ego", and RECON not learning how to shut up, they go back and forth with their irritable fights. Yet they haven't thrown hands? Shocking. I'm soo surprised.

I wrapped the strap of my bag around my palm and held it like I received a gift bag from a kid's birthday party, and began walking the opposite direction of my left. Oddly enough, I haven't encountered any undead so far, and it's not like I want to jinx myself and have an army of them surround me at this moment; just.. Feeling that my expectations have been wiped, it's really no problem though. It doesn't make me have to fight for my life, so I'm not complaining. I had to step over objects, disgusting corpses, climb over assets that have collapsed to get to my destination... This weirdly feels like a game.

Nonetheless, I made it back to where we all first entered due to the light coming through the opened doors at the front of the factory. We should probably block it off just in case?..- Actually, it's not like I can do that alone. Those doors are tall, and I'm just one 5'9 boy. I'm also not that strong to push and or lift anything here for all of that. I spun on my heel and paced north from the doors; that's where Xiang is, right? Unless he moved, like Cassie, and I'm still left alone.

.. When have I ever worried about me being alone? I know that I'm good on my own.

The further I walk toward the very back of the factory, the more I don't see or hear Xiang, I think he's upstairs now. Problem is I can't find the stairs... They're here somewhere, I just gotta keep looking.

I now turn to my right and stride over there, hoping that the stairs are located in that area. It'd be great if this run-down factory had signs pointing out what direction it has, maybe that's how Cassie - potentially - got lost. I wouldn't blame her.

. . .

My saunter had slowed down once I heard loud chatter. At first I thought it was a bunch of nobodies, but on further eavesdropping it was only Leandra and RECON.

Great. I don't want to be near them at all still, so I have to be stealthy about this. I need to see if the stairs are that way, and if they are then why the hell hasn't Xiang interceded?- Okay, he probably doesn't want to mediate on them like the other twenty times or so. I don't blame him, he's grown weary from them and not just the scabs. I'll have to do the same.. and hope they don't catch me. Otherwise they might bring me into their stupid debate.

I look at my surroundings, still trying my best not to overhear whatever they're saying. Luckily, there were revealed structural beams for the ceiling; I think I can walk past them if I'm able to balance or just hang over them like they're monkey bars. Problem is.. How the hell do I get up there? I kept searching.. searching for something that will be able to boost me up from here to there and... Huh, maybe the storage shelves will do the trick? Then I can place my footing and hope to "stick" onto the slightly wide ridges of the wall and then use the overgrown moss to somewhat support me and climb. It's.. This is a stupid plan, but I'd rather go through all of this struggle than having to interact with them right now.

I reluctantly tied the sling on my bag around my back; intentionally pressing my spear more against my tail end even more, and secured my hat.

.. The things I do to avoid social conflict.

Crash!

"God damn! There's seriously nothing here. Why are we still here?.." RECON questioned, he was clearly exasperated and bored as well. He kicked broken down pieces of factory equipment, the metal hitting the ground and creating an echo throughout the large factory area; putting out its sonority. Leandra winced and shivered at the high pitched clanging noise where she had to cover her ears and grumble, she mumbled - and possibly cursed - under her breath. She turned her head over to her side and her narrowed eyes snapped to the masked Korean boy, glaring at him.

"We haven't found anything useful on our side, and really you were right. There seriously is nothing here!" RECON exclaimed and groaned shortly after, he struck a leg of a chair with his foot, the metal beam sliding and scraping the cold dirty polyaspartic flooring. 

"What the hell's actually your problem? Seriously," Leandra probed, "Can you stop whining? You're going to alert us to something!"

"Oh, like what? Have you seen anything life threatening here so far? Huh? Have you?"

"No, but you seriously have to be careful otherwise..- Stop kicking that-!

"Ugh, this is what I meant earlier! You are so reckless. You don't care about the fact your behavior may bring danger upon you or others. What is wrong with you?!" Leandra hissed with her finger aggressively pointed at RECON, "Why do you not care about the fact that someday your stupid attitude might just get us all dead?"

"Because there's literally nothing to be worrying about! There's no one here in this stupid forest and building, and the fucking scabs we encounter are seriously NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL," RECON clarified, "They're so easy to take care of! Just kill them through they head. To make it even EAASIER just break their legs! Those damn walkers already have their legs deteriorating every passing second."

The stench of rotting flesh filled the entire hallway, and the blood that was splattered and had stained the floor and walls around them were.. dripping, not dry.

These were fresh.

"They're still a serious threat! Your arrogance is so annoying, it hurts my head." Leandra rolled her eyes. "Just because you are pretty quick on your feet and shit, doesn't mean you should take this general state as a joke. It'd be pretty ironic and funny if you died by the thing you thought of as nothing important..."

Creak.

"As if, you actually think I'm that stupid where I'd die to a dead guy?... You're not joking?" RECON tilted his head to the side, he let out a small laugh of disbelief. He couldn't take this seriously. "You must be underestimating me, dude. I'm way more capable than you think, you shouldn't doubt my talents! I'm a reliable teammate. Someone you should keep around, wouldn't you admit?"

Creak.

"I'd agree with you if you weren't such a fucking asshole."

"AND I'M NOT?"

"You're not? Okay, then explain that shitty behavior you had back when we were walking to the factory and had dismissed Cassie nearly falling that time." Leandra stopped her trod and rotated to face RECON, she lowered her head and scowled. "I would like to know what that was, why you really did it. You looked like you had no problem with her back at base, so I wanna know what the fuck happened and why you acted like a stick was shoved far up your ass."

"I...
"I just think she should have been more careful, okay. We can't risk anyone dying all due to someone not looking at where they are going." RECON shook his head and crossed his arms, he had a tense posture now. Does he acknowledge that what he did before was wrong? "Surely you know that, right?"

"I get it, but to not take Cassie's near death so seriously really is inconsiderate of you." Leandra clenched her fists. "We're a team, we're supposed to look out for each other and make sure that we're all doing okay. Not ignoring the fact someone could have died and arguing with someone that is an ally.

"Like, me."

Leandra took a couple more steps closer to RECON, she leaned down slightly to poke his mask mockingly. RECON was startled by this gesture, but that scare was speedily replaced with annoyance. He rolled his head back as he took a subtle step back.

"I agree with Xiang, and I do realize his frustration. Why do we have to constantly argue- Does it look like I enjoy it too?" Leandra inquired, "I doubt you appreciate our fights too, so why don't you just do us both a favor and accept the fact that you need to shut up sometimes."

"Who are you to tell me to shut up, you?!-"
Clang!

RECON and Leandra's conversation came to an abrupt stop, and that sound wasn't coming from RECON's annoying kicking. Their heads whipped around to the direction the unexpected noise came from. They readied their weapons respectively; Leandra aiming her AMT AutoMag III, that has... several Hello Kitty stickers applied around it: near the muzzle, grip panel, back strap, and so on. Then there's RECON gripping his knife that was dangerously strapped around his shoulder with no sheath, it's admittedly astonishing how he hadn't injured himself from it. They cautiously wandered over there, making sure not to trip on anything during their path, however.. All of that was only to be met with a spear.

. . .

"Isn't this.. Ren's?" RECON suspected, he bent down to pick it up. His hand wrapped around the long black shaft. He stood back up and thrusted it into the air in front of him. "Wonder how he makes this thing look good when he uses it.."

"Watch where you're swinging that, you look like a savage caveman.!" Leandra immediately dashed back, her heart thumping from the possibility of getting unintentionally hurt from RECON's impulsive swings. "Also.. Is that your first question? Other than wondering how it ended up here."

"Oh, that too."

"Did you see him passing us by any chance?"

".. No," RECON denied with his shoulders drooped, displaying.. disappointment.

"Well, he was clearly here then! Just.." Leandra trailed off, she was trying to think about how the hell Ren's weapon got here. "What.. Happened?- His spear seemingly dropped down, right, but when we looked over there.. He wasn't there."

"You think he's hiding from us?"
"Why the fuck would he hide from us, we're not his enemies."

"You know how Ren is! He's.. like.. He's pretty avoidant when it comes to socializing." RECON shrugged nonchalantly, his black cat beanie sagging a bit on his head once he looked down. "Maybe he dropped it by accident and ran to hide behind a wall or room, or something."

.  .  .

. .

.

WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED.

I

I WAS DOING SO WELL... AND MY SPEAR HAD TO SLIP BENEATH MY BACK AND FALL..?

I can't believe this, now I'm STUCK.

I need to get my weapon back, but RECON now has it in his possession. They're suspecting me of being here, and if they look up then I'm doomed. The last thing I want now is to NOT GET CAUGHT. However, life doesn't want to go my way and instead drag me around like a ragdoll.

I can feel my legs trembling as I kept my eyes looking down to ensure I plant my feet properly. If I fall - roughly - twenty feet from up here I'm literally dead!.. I'll be a dead boy walking! I.. I have to stomach down my nervousness, it's making my hands sweat and my breath grow heavy. I raise my head and have decided to just.. get it back once we're all regrouped. The explanation on how it got there? I'll work on that once I find Xiang, he'll relate to what I've done and why I did it, even if it was drastic.

My feet step from side to side, I'm almost there thankfully. I can just hang off the beam at the end, then swing onto the pipes; climb down and boom! I made it.. Totally not a rough and made up plan I just thought of right now. Way to go Ren Katou!..

. . .

I need to calm down.

No, I know the limits of my capabilities thanks to.. parkour. I'm not just going to misjudge my skills right now, focus!..

. . .

. .

.

"Well we checked the area where the polearm was dropped, and nothing! He's gone," I announced, I brought up my hand to pinch my nose bridge. RECON is really testing my patience, and I hate it. I haven't felt this way in forever.

"Why would he not return without getting his weapon?" RECON scratched the back of his neck, his head now turned facing me. "That's kinda.. Dumb."

"We'll just give his weapon back when we see him, but going back to the topic I want proper answers of.."

"Here we go."

"I think you should give Cassie an apology, for that bullshittery you pulled." My eyebrows creased, the fact he has the nerve to continue this child-like conduct is extremely frustrating. "It'll be good for you to do so, and if you halfass it so help me God-"

"Oh, get off me. I will, okay?" RECON put his hands up defensively with his shoulders tensed up. "Jeez.. Don't have to be bitching up in-"

Smack!

.  .  .

What did I do?

It was deserved.

My hand

It moved on its own.

Why did

What

What happened.?

You know what you've done.

It all just happened so fast.

Did it really?

He's staring at me silently, taking my figure in as if I'm a deranged psycho. I'm not used to him being this quiet, and although he is immensely annoying, this is uncomfortably alien to me. I didn't mean to, I didn't intend on hitting him. I just

I

His mask was pushed against and drifted to the side, and his hands were hurriedly fixing it to return to its original position. The air in between us was agonizingly thick, and the tension had awkwardly risen. He was.. Trembling, he was nervous. Afraid of me. I was just so mad. So mad at him, I couldn't stop myself. His head was drooping, wristing his hand, and his shoulders were hunched; despite the fact my method of getting him silenced was unorthodox, I'm hoping he understands that I..

He

"RECON."

He took her situation as a joke, I couldn't just

..

"How about you grow up and learn to stop bitching for once."

Things were eerily silent.

The argument - in spite of it being muffled and nearly quiet due to how far I was from them now - had presumably stopped. I'm hoping the both of them reconcile, but I can't doubt the fact they might be looking for me still. I have to find Xiang right now.

"Xiang?"

I called out, but as expected: no response. Who knew these stairs would be located so far that it'd be at the corner of the factory? Nevertheless, my trip was finally finished when I glanced at the stairs in front of me, my smile grew slightly wider with relief. I sighed contently, but my contentment was replaced with irritation once I looked up and noticed the flight of stairs I had to take just to reach the second floor. Did Xiang have enough stamina to climb all of this?..

My feet rise and land on each passing step upon these stairs, my hand sliding against the railing just in case I trip and fall; my legs can't slow down now, I need to move fast and get away from them as far as possible at the moment. Thank God I have enough endurance for this.. Yet I don't want to trip, I can't imagine how it'd be like if I fell like that. I survived falling off twenty feet, and then I trip on stairs after? That's sad... and laughable.

. .

Each step I take, the more my gaze finds more glimpses of a new area above, a new ground; my foot takes one more tramp, and I have made it upstairs. I noticed the amount of crates and limited passageways, I should have known this place would have kept most of their stuff in this makeshift attic. I pace away from the entrance of the floor, as I lift my hand up to the side of my face, my mouth is agape when my words suddenly are lodged in my throat. I subconsciously rushed to the side to hide behind the pile of boxes stacked neatly together, being held tight due to the shelves. I peak my head over to the side...

. . .

Oh

Xiang is compromised.

By another group.

Chapter Text

.  .  .

..

This may have been a waste of time, but personally I believe it's best to be prepared, even if we are leaving today. Thanks to Max's help; we were able to repair some of the thick wooden fences around the house, set up traps near the front, and forge a lookout tower. It's.. over the top, but having finished this makes me feel accomplished that I can actually do something useful.. even.. even if it's for me to stay here. I really wish I could go out with everyone though, that'd be nice...

I glance around one more time to ensure that everything is in order and is stable, my mouth curves slightly upwards, feeling satisfaction and joy. We don't have to worry about anything barging in here unexpectedly, that's for sure.

"I think that's everything."

I declared, wiping the bead of sweat on my forehead. I lightly chuckled when I heard my sister let out a huge sigh of relief, I curiously turned my head over to take in their exhaustion. I'm relieved that Max stayed back with me at base again, but I can't help feeling like I'm weighing her and everyone down. I'm the only one here that doesn't engage in combat, or at least handling the undead, but it's not like I don't want to, it's just... It's just more preferable for me to remain on the sidelines and overall check up on how the base is doing. Occasionally attending to anyone's illnesses with the medicine I provide from plants, despite there already being two medics in the group that can also fight.

.. So really,

What's the point of me being here?

"Max?" I spoke to her with a peculiar tone, she glanced at me. "I.. I have a question."

"Sure! What's up?" Max gave me approval to continue, her smile widening despite her tiredness.

"So, you know how RECON and Leandra are, like, healers and stuff."

"Yes?"

"They can fight, they can actually be useful.. Then there's me." I held my fossa and looked down timidly. "I'm just a herbalist and someone who's always repairing our defenses. I don't even know how to defend myself properly. I'm always held back here, and that also causes you to be held back too. I don't want to be a burden, or anything... You should be out there with your friends-"

"I need you to stop right there."

Max brought a hand up to silence my words, I don't mean to come off insecure or what-not. It's a reasonable problem for me to feel, isn't it?

"Kira, you're an extremely important asset to this group. Whether you can see it or not, not every team is labelled useful when all that consists of it are fighters." Max gestured for me to come closer to them, and so I did. She placed a hand on my head. "We all value what you do for us, whenever you treat us thanks to your effective herbal medicine that's always a lot more resourceful, defensive repairs that makes sure no zombies would suddenly trespass into our base, and the most obvious factor...

"You're my sister, of course I'd choose you over my friends."

How uncharacteristically blunt of her.

"No, I think that's biased..." I trailed off, my eyes half-lid.

"What? I have to take care of you! You're family, and I'm sure the others understand that." Max ruffled my hair. "If I have to stay back with you, I don't mind! I'm going to protect you. You hear me?"

".. Yes, yes.. I do."

"Good!"

.  .  .

".. Thank you." I bowed my head, but that made them embrace me.

"No need to thank me! It's just what sisters are for." Max beamed, I'm utterly grateful that she's able to provide relief and joy despite these times. "Come on, we should probably wait for them at the gate. The sun's going down and they'll be here any minute!"

"Okay.." I nodded and began to follow her from behind by a few steps.

It feels like a weight has been thrown off my shoulders once again thanks to Max, I don't know who I'd be without her. Her words have really helped me throughout my life, and we really do make a good pair. I guess it'd be nice if I can also look after her back in a fighting setting instead of her mainly protecting me all of the time, however in the future.. Maybe that can change? I hope so- No, it will. I'll be an even more practical teammate than I am currently-..

..

There's shuffling beyond the walls.

I ran past Max and quickly held the ladder, to which my sister grunted after the unexpected shove. I didn't mean to shove, but I need to see if that rustling is either them or a zombie. I pushed myself up with my feet, grabbing the ladder rungs firmly with my hands and hoisted myself higher and higher. The sound of the ladder creaking beneath my steps as I looked up to check the distance left to reach the top, turns out I already was up. I crawled and stood up, brushing myself off while my eyes scanned the area.

"Kira, what's the hurry?.." Max asked, she was steadily climbing up the ladder after recovering. "Did somethin' happen?"

My eyebrows furrowed and I slowly turned back.

".. There's something coming, I don't think it's them."

. . .

Oh what even..?? Xiang?

How did this happen.?! All we know of is that he found the spot, but I guess finding out that a group was here first was a total shocker. From what I've seen so far, four people surrounded Xiang as if he was the president. There's a guy in a black sleeveless puffer jacket wearing loads of brown with a cap, has freckles, and curly black hair. Then there's a woman on his right with white hair which is in some messy half-up ponytail, and possesses beige-like clothes; there's a scar that goes up vertically on the left side of her face, then there's black circular shades she's wearing to... Shield her eyes from the sun, even though she's wearing it indoors. Is she trying to just... Look cool, or is she stupid?

There's also these two other boys standing off in the back, completing this imaginary box-in for Xiang. The one on the right which has brown hair looks really rough at the back of his head, it's like a dead brown skunk died on him, and judging by how annoyed he looks alone makes me believe that he cut it off himself. Preferably so that he wouldn't be easily grabbed or something, I guess it's smart but could you have at least gotten someone else to do it so it wouldn't look so bad?- Hell, why am I focused on that, it's not my hair. What I should be focusing on is the fact he is carrying a rifle; judging by it having a strap, a camo-type color scheme, and a flash suppressor?.. I'm going to assume it's a Bushmaster M4 carbine thing. They're semi-automatic rifles.. Something like that.

Then there's the one on Xiang's left whose hair is black and also has matching rectangle-framed glasses with no lenses apparently? Did they break and were removed before, or were they not there in the first place.. He's wearing all black actually, and his weapon seems to be a bow and arrow. Practical, silent, and pretty effective; not as lethal as a gun, but still has its pros.

This is bad, obviously, I don't know what to do here. If I tried confronting them on my own, then I'd definitely be dead. If I tried going back to get RECON and Leandra, then one of them would most likely catch me going back by my footsteps or just in their plain sight. The best thing I could maybe do is lurk for now and wait for some opening, I just have to be extremely stealthy. Should be a piece of cake.

My senses have come back to me, and I began to tread stealthily around the shelves of boxes; casually peaking around the corner to guarantee it's safe for me to dash to the other group of crates. So far, they've had their backs turned to me like a bunch of morons, and to my - somewhat - surprise I realized that Xiang's bat was extremely far from his grasp. From what I've seen, my guess is that he was ambushed by these guys and Xiang tried to protect himself, buuut evidently he got his ass beat and his weapon kicked away from him; now he's being held hostage or something. This is fantastic.

".. Tell me, at least. Who the fuck are you people," Xiang jeered, his head was pushed up by the tip of a knife from the man with curly hair. "I swear to God.. You people are so-"

"Pipe down, buddy." He glared at Xiang with the pure intention of killing him right now, but for some reason he couldn't. It's like they needed him, but for what?

"Caleb, stop. Let him go." The white haired woman turned her head to her right, she was staring at him coldly. "We can't hurt him, yet."

"For what purpose??"

"I mean, look at him. We can use him for more firepower against our adversaries."

Xiang is getting recruited?

"He doesn't want to cooperate with us, so what's the point?" Caleb inquired, he rolled his eyes and hesitantly retracted his knife from Xiang's throat. "I say we just kill him right here, right now."

"Caleb, calm down." Another voice spoke up, which was the boy with the dead skunk hair.

"Jesus Christ!.. Everyone's on my fucking ass for what? I didn't need your input on this either, Bryce."

"Me and Mara only told you to stop, why are you being so pissy?" Bryce's eyebrow twitched, it felt like his originally annoyed face had worsened.

"Pissy?!"

My head turns away from the increased volume of their voices. They're beginning to argue, which is uncomfortably reminding me of RECON and Leandra's situation... Despite that, I can use this to my advantage, while those two keep their focus on each other and the other ones are trying to diffuse the situation; I can quickly sprint for Xiang's bat and use it to knock out the group, and judging by how Caleb and Bryce is seemingly hotheaded people, they're the ones that are most dysfunctional and are making the group hard to work together. Although they have Xiang stuck.

I hastily ran for it, my steps blocked out by the shouting from Bryce and Caleb with the occasional sentences from Mara cutting through both of them. I approached the bat and crouched down, with my hand reaching and snatching the bat's handle. However

However,

"Stop."

I felt a sharp point touch the back of my head, my eyes widened and I felt my heart sink deeper. My journey was exposed, even if I can hear the other two fighting and Mara trying to break it up, that other boy must have been keeping an eye out for anything out of the ordinary; his ears must have strained a lot to just pick out my steps, which is annoyingly impressive considering the yells filling the area. I froze, my grip not letting go of the bat. The more we stood still, the more tense this moment was becoming with anticipation and wonder: wondering who will make the first move, or no one will at all, orr maybe one or all of them will notice this tough spot occurring at this very moment.

".. Hey, I'm just a traveller. I don't mean to interrupt whatever you and your team has got going on.." I assured with a hushed tone and approaching with caution, I slowly stood up with his sharp point following my movement against the back of my head.

"I'm not buying it." He denied my lie, and the sound of string retracting. He's going to shoot an arrow through my brain.

"I'm looking for food, please... I'm so hungry, I haven't eaten in days." I had my arm quiver as it rose to clutch my stomach, I winced. "I don't want trouble, please.. Don't make me defend myself.."

"... That's.. That's not my problem, sir.. Drop your weapon-"

"Please, let me go. I'm just trying to survive..."

".. I..."

I felt the point begin to gently shake.

He was hesitating, his guard down.

My grip on the handle intensified the moment I revolved my body and aimed to swing the bat against the side of his face. I felt the pressure come in contact with him and could visibly see the violent jolt of his body. My smile widened a bit, satisfied with the way I managed to handle that. He yelped, and his hand let go of the retracted string, causing the arrow that was pulled back to fire. I managed to turn my body to the side, but the point nicked my arm, sure it was sharp but it was manageable. Nothing to whine about.

.. Unfortunately, his scream alerted his group by the fact their previous fight was no longer creating sound. I heard their footsteps rush toward us for I immediately rushed out of there, my heart thumping and my breaths coming out short and shallow. I then heard a gun go off behind me, and that hot metal burning inside of my skin brought out a grunt from my larynx. My side was hit.

"Liam!?" Caleb shouted, amidst the uprising fight going down. From the sound of it, I think he's looking after him right now. "Holy shit.! Are you okay?! Liam!?"

I dove over and took cover behind the pile of crates, panting and trying to apply pressure onto the wound so I wouldn't lose a lot of blood so fast. I peaked my head over to where Xiang was and noticed he was in a current fight with Mara, meanwhile on my right I can make out footsteps increasingly become more audible. I prepared to swing Xiang's bat again, my feet finding stabilization. I was winding up as he approached me; waiting no longer, I stepped out and instantly swung down at Bryce.

.. He reacted quickly, with him throwing me against the back of the shelves from the rifle's bottom plate.

It was pressing against my larynx, I couldn't utter a single word or let alone a noise without it sounding choked. He took my swing like it was nothing? This was unfair.

My leg rose to thrust my foot against his shins, which was able to stun him momentarily.

I redirected all my weight onto a leg as I spun on it, my torso bending down with my leg kicking itself off the ground when I spun and aimed to deliver a hit onto his torso.

It managed to land due to him stumbling back and looking like he got the wind knocked out of him, yet he locked his hand around my ankle and pulled me.

He smashed the side of my head.

I couldn't think right, my muscles had a short spasm which made me drop the bat.

My thoughts were incoherent.

I was hoping Xiang was having better luck than me right now.

I fell to the ground on my side, my arm cushioning my fall. I went on my back and noticed him aiming his rifle at me, but I propped myself up and directly punted his weapon out of his hands; Bryce was caught off guard where he tried to run in order to attempt shooting me down.

I rose to my feet and tackled him down.

My hand was locked around his throat, I was strangling him. His words coming out loud and croaking.

My other hand was currently occupied with slamming my knuckles into his nose, my gaze fixed onto the gradual bloody mess; his nose bridge was slanted and pushed to the side, and it awfully looked flat.

Despite him attacking my sides and trying to kick me from behind, I quickly positioned myself and trapped his legs by grabbing onto them. Sure, I wasn't choking him anymore, but I'd rather make him feel stuck and rendered useless instead.

His nose is crushed, yes, and while one of his main ways of breathing is now ruined.. I'm aiming to make it even worse. It'll balance the playing field somehow.

I will deprive him of oxygen, even if I start to weaken and will eventually pass out from blood loss. ..       .

"RECON, slow down! Hold on!"

She cried out to me, not in a sad way but rather in a tone that's just wanting me to stop. I refuse, I don't even want to talk to her right now, but she's insisting on not leaving me at the moment. It's not like we can part from each other right now since we both heard loud yells and a gun going off from the far right. Though I don't want to talk to her right now, she hit me and practically insulted me, but..

Ugh, I hate to admit, but she was in the right for that.

"RECON, please." Leandra's words were coming out more clipped than normal, and the inflection of her voice betrays a growing irritation. "I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean to hit you! But you did deserve it, do you get me?"

"You don't have to rub it in my face, Leandra. I get it. Thanks." I grimaced underneath my hard plastic mask, the words spat out of my mouth like unwanted venom. "That really did wonders for me, I'm so grateful for you finally knocking some sense into me. I realize the errors of my ways."

"Okay, you don't have to be sarcastic."

.. I don't even want to be here anymore, I just want to go back to my own room and stay there. Isolated.. away... Yet, here I am, I'm always getting into arguments and now having been hit across the face like that? As if that actually solved anything?.. Are you fucking serious. No. No it did not. Again, I did provoke her.. but that slipped out, it was in the heat of the moment; sure it was extremely uncalled for, but I swear I didn't mean to. Yet, why is she taking responsibility first for apologizing when it should be me? Am I that pitiful where I just run away from my problems instead of confronting them? Ah, great, now I get to see a clearer glimpse of cowardice in me.

"Can you just not, right now." I muttered under my breath with my shoulders sagged, I shook my head violently. "We have to keep going, no time to chat."
"We can multitask!.."
"Can you multitask whilst we climb up these stairs?"

"... Oh, what the fuck!?" Leandra threw her hands up in the air with her head rolled up, her eyes scanning the flight of staircases that travelled up.

She was.. uncomfortably strong, strong where it had forced me to recognize that same pressure against my face. My, face. Oh.. the time where they came up to me and started to assault me? I never thought my mind would have that buried deep in my brain, but now it's burying me in the same dread I have felt since that day. Those weeks. They ruined me, and now... Now I've repeated the same scenario again. I thought I had escaped but no! I...

Why do I do this to myself? I can't move on from the past if I'm always going to be moving along with it. It's like I'm eternally bounded around it, like it has me in a chokehold.

Suffocating me until I can't withstand it.

"Come on, we gotta go." My foot finds the first step and my legs begin to push myself more up off the ground, I can hear Leandra following right behind me, which makes me feel the unwanted need to exert myself to move faster.

I can't escape.

"Slow down, at least! You'll waste up your energy if you force yourself to go faster."

"That's not my main priority right now, Xiang could be in trouble! Ever thought of that?"

Someone, please see me.

Rescue me.

"RECON, Xiang's tough; he can handle whatever problem is going on by himself. You know?" Leandra tried to assure me, but I wasn't going to have it. I'm not going to waste anymore time.

There could be a horde with him up there and he didn't expect it, or the roof caved in- No, there were gunshots and people yelling, and those yells did not sound like Xiang. He's encountering another group, that's it. My mind's everywhere, my thoughts are everywhere; I hate it, it's so scattered. I can't

I can't think properly, but what I do know is to reach the top and help Xiang. Get away, just- I need something to take my mind off from this, from everything. I need a release, I need a distraction. I don't want these memories again..! Their hands on me, their sinister expressions, no remorse behind their eyes... I don't hate you, Leandra. I never did. It's not you. I just need to be away for a moment, I need to help him.

Help him.

Help him

Help him-

"RECON!"

Oh.

Whoops, silly me. I tripped, but.. But Leandra managed to catch me by the sling of my bag around me. How fucking embarrassing, she just slapped the shit out of me yet she's still trying to act kind to me; all I've ever done is be a complete asshole to her and nearly everyone else in the team, but she still sees me through that. It's like she's expecting and or wanting me to be better, or something, and it's not like I was like this originally.

I wasn't like this

I promise I wasn't, please believe me I beg you.

".. Uh, my bad," I apologized.

It's just how I am now.

"I told you to slow down!" Leandra reprimanded me, she pulled me back up and I instinctively held the railing.

Even before this apocalypse, I

"I know, I know. I'm just..

I was always trying to watch out for myself. To try and be tough, yet

"I'm..."

I'm weak in the end.

So, I won't show it for you to not pick on me. So you won't get bored of me too.

"I'm worried about Xiang, okay? What if he's dying, did you ever think about that?"

I brushed myself off and started to climb up the steps once again, I can feel a burning sensation in my chest as well; was it anger? Or was it guilt.

"Yes, that is a possibility and we shouldn't discard that as a small chance, I get it." Leandra's pace quickened, and now she was climbing beside me. Her head was turned to face the side of my face; in my peripheral I can take in her concern from her narrowed eyebrows with a downward bend, her slightly downturned mouth, and slightly raised yet widened eyes. It's alien to me how she can still look after my feelings despite our fights, I would have expected her to hate my guts and want me gone.. but she's acting like we never had any negative interactions before.

"But take it easy, conserve your stamina for whatever threat lingers once we get there. Okay?... We'll make it, and once we do.. we'll figure out what's going on."

"... Okay." I calmly nod, my shoulders have finally relaxed and our pace gradually slows enough to be considered like a light jog.

The silence between us was a bit awkward, but at least it felt like I could breathe better than before. After taking a few deep breaths to myself, calming my senses and making myself grounded. I rotated my head to face Leandra.

"Hey, Leandra?" I spoke up, interrupting the stillness. She looked at me.

"Yes?" She replied, her eyebrow raising.

"Thank you."

.   .   .

Mara has me pinned with a damn hatchet, how the hell am I supposed to maneuver and combat that when my weapon is who knows where because of Ren..?! Ugh.. well... Last time I checked, Ren dropped my bat behind the crates behind her. I think I'd be able to retrieve it if he wasn't so focused on choking the life out of that poor guy. Never knew Ren had this side of him, it's quite unusual.. and concerning. I'll have to talk with him later when this whole ordeal flies.

Despite the high risk in getting my head split open, I remember that they need me to join their little group of theirs, so I'm letting that reminder linger in the back of my head so I can perform my strikes efficiently and confidently. Throwing jabs and palm strikes as if they were nothing, poor girl's getting her ass whooped! I knew training and those martial art lessons would be handy.

I speedily disarmed her weapon by holding her weapon and spinning her around, she stumbled and I immediately threw it away. I was going to make this fair, and plus from the looks of it.. we're going to be fine.

".. Look, I don't really mean to hurt you.!" Mara huffed, standing up again from the ground and dusted herself off. "But you're really making this difficult for us."


"Hurt me? Barely," I cockily responded, which gained a scoff from my opponent. "Also, you and your buddies disarmed and hurt me. I don't trust any of you."

"Please- We need firepower, okay. This is for our own good, and it'll be better if you comply."

"Is that a warning?"

"That's a threat."

Mara shot towards me like a bullet, which threw me off guard by our small conversation. My arms were brought up together to block her barrage against my forearms, but the rapid punches eventually got them to be pulled away due to the increasing soreness. This was a clear change from how she was with a weapon, and I'm just starting to think she had no weapon mastery. My foot fell back, managing to save myself from the incoming kick to my head.

.. She abruptly lunged at me, my head hitting the smooth hard floor. I physically cringed and shivered at the impact as the sensation continued to tingle, I feel like I've earned myself a concussion due to how hard I hit the ground. I feel dazed, completely out of it; I feel too tired to try and move properly, I've exerted too much energy trying to dodge her attacks, which had granted my opponent the upper hand. No, I don't care if I'm at my limits. I'll push through them, break them. My legs pushing my waist up and throwing her off me, I lethargically get back on my feet and ready myself.

Rushing over at her, my right arm lowers and wraps around the handle of her hatchet. I rose and prepared to swing down.

Yet she didn't try to stand up or defend herself, instead, she was pointing to her left with a blank expression.

Confused, and cautious, I turn my head over and

"... Ren?! REN!"

His head was lowered with his black cap no longer covering his head. Instead, there was blood soaking out in the middle of his messy pushed back hair; there's strands sticking onto the wet and sticky red substance, his hands around him and presumably held by Bryce's hand. He was on his knees, and wasn't responding to me. I was dreading the fact that he might be dead. No nono-

No. He can't be dead.

He's stronger than that.

"We have gauze, painkillers, bandages.. all that you can imagine back at our base. We'll get you two patched up, as long as you two cooperate with us and join our group." Mara stood up in my peripheral, she remained beside me and held her hand out for me. "You have no other option here but to say yes, you are now stuck with us.

"No one is coming for you. You are worth nothing here."

.. And if I refuse...

"We'll kill your friend first, then you, if you don't comply or try attacking us. You have five seconds, be smart about this," Mara warned me, her gaze hardened. "Five."

"Ren, Ren! Wake up!" My words came out as a shout, I felt the tears forming in my eyes and my grip on the hatchet tightening. "Ren! Come on!"

I wanted to fight back.

"Four."
I wanted to get Ren and everyone else out of here.

"Ren! Please! You can't..!"

Cassie, Leandra, RECON, Kira, Max... They need to be safe too.

"Three."

What if they find them.? What if they find our home? WIll they go after them just for more firepower?

"God, no.. No! Stop! Let him go!" I pleaded, my eyes locked onto my bat ascending in Bryce's other hand, aiming to bash his brain in.

I can't let that happen.

"Two."

I felt devastatingly sick when I felt something wanting to come up my throat. I wanted to throw up. Just the thought of having to witness another close friend of mine dead? I don't want to go through that again. There's a pressure on my chest and I felt a sudden chill run down my neck, I needed to lie down and go away from all of this. But

I have to push my needs away, before Bryce finally brings down my weapon onto him.

"Okay! Okay! We'll join, just.. please!..." I felt my words sputter out of me in a mumbled mess, my heart was thumping madly and my palms were sweating. Sweating enough where the hatchet slipped out of my hold. I couldn't hold back my tears anymore, it was a whole show for them to see, and they were taking it all in like vultures. "Please.. stop. Don't hurt him anymore."

. . .

"Good choice." Mara looked at Bryce. "At ease, Bryce."

"Why the fuck.?- Did you not see what this dick did? He bashed my nose in!" Bryce hissed, his chest rising heavily and exhaling out his mouth.

"I don't care, spare him. We'll patch you up when we get back."

"This is bullshit!"

"Where's Liam and Caleb?" Mara asked, holding her hatchet once more and holding me hostage.

".. I'm here," Caleb spoke, his footsteps nearing me and Mara. "Liam.. isn't responding."

"Are you serious?" Bryce questioned, his face scrunched up in frustration. "What the fuck do you mean he's not responding?!"

"I-I don't know.! I did everything I could, man. Don't blame this on me."

"... Doesn't matter, we have to go. Now. We're wasting time, and if he's dead, then he's dead." Mara turned over to the staircase. "Come on."

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" Bryce snapped, I saw his grip on Ren's wrists tighten. It looked uncomfortably painful. "We're going back to check on him! We're bringing him with us! Mara, don't you dare."

As we both were propped next to each other, forcibly having to wait and endure for whatever they'll do to us in the future, and their argument, I couldn't rip my focus off my unconscious bleeding friend. I was absolutely petrified. My tears couldn't stop flowing as well, I was hyperventilating under my breath with my heart rate still spiked, I don't know what I'd do if Ren was actually dead and gone. Free from this hell. It might be selfish of me to pray for this, but please..

"Don't go..." I whispered to myself, hoping that Ren would hear my pleas somehow.

"... Please. Don't go."

Marco, you'll be okay.

You're safe here.

You won't be away from us any longer, we're back together again. I'll protect you to certify that.

We've missed you so much, I missed you.

You may not look like how you used to, but.. that's okay.

Max and Kira almost caught me though, that was close. I had to wait in that bush until their eyes left the area... Imagine what they'd do if they saw me with you?

They'd kill you on the spot.

. . .

I know you're already dead, me and Ren both saw you lying there.

But you're here with us again, physically at least.

I'll take that then nothing.

Just because I had to try and learn how to live without you, it never meant that I wanted to.

But you don't have to worry about that.

I'll keep your image alive.

Chapter Text

"I..."

So, that's what the gunshots and shouting were about.

It sucks, but we had no choice. We had to stay hidden and watch, take in as much information on what was happening the moment we got up there. When we noticed that Xiang and Ren were now taken from those.. three, and how their condition appeared on the outside, those three seriously do pack a punch. I doubt we would have done anything powerful to help, and if we were to do so, we'd get beat up and have to join them.! I doubt Xiang would have tried to help since he was extremely shaky and technically frozen too... When they were out of our sight, his head was always turned to Ren, as if he'd move or something.

Ren would have not helped at all.

".. I can't.. believe you," RECON mumbled, grumbling to himself with his hands clenched at his sides. "Why didn't you let me go? I could have saved them."

"RECON, are you seriously this arrogant? Or stupid. Did you see what they did to Xiang? Especially Ren!" I exclaimed, gesticulating like crazy. "The poor guy was bleeding from his head! I wouldn't doubt that he'd be dea-...."

... What. Am I saying?

"Okay, okay- They would overpower the two of us, and Ren and Xiang wouldn't have been able to help us at all."

"Leandra, those two?- The one with white hair and the other with curly hair. I know them! They were my friends back in my school! You!-" RECON had pointed at me, his hand shaking as he looked at me. "You, just had to stop me..! I could have done something to change this!"

"... I'm sorry. I didn't know that they were your friends, I admit, that was my bad." I awkwardly scratched the back of my neck. "However... If you did come out of hiding, wouldn't you think they would have forced you to come with them to where they're even going? I'm sorry, but I do not trust them one bit. Even if they are your friends."

"Leandra.?!"

"RECON, they attacked them."

"I know that!" RECON stomped his foot, his frustration on the brink. "I'm not blind or anything! Maybe... Maybe they had good intentions."

"Ren looked like he was on his last breath. Exactly what good intentions were there?" I questioned, unamused, about his "coping".

"Maybe he provoked them first!? Okay??- Just!.."

RECON trailed off, the poor masked man was feeling stressed. I think it's his personal way of viewing them.. conflicting with the truth of what we have seen. His head lowering and looking at the ground. He slowly but shakily took a deep breath, in and out, now refusing to look back at me. He spun on his heel and peaked over the corner of the shelves of crates we hid behind, his side leaned against the corner.

"... I know them, they're good people.!- They're usually not the types to resort to violence, I promise you, but.. urk.. I can't say the same for Caleb."

"Caleb? Why? What is he like?"

"He's.. kind of a jerk, to be honest." RECON shrugged his shoulders, his head rolling as he was unsure on how to describe his friend. "I don't know why? He wasn't like this before, but the more we progressed in highschool, he became more of an ass."

"He was already an asshole?" I followed behind RECON as he walked to the center, meanwhile I was wondering why we were still up here..

... Wondering why...

"Well, he was an asshole where it was tolerable and all in good fun! Now he's a mean-butt."

"Mean.. butt," I repeated, raising an eyebrow to his wording. I must admit, I was slightly amused.

RECON was now standing there, probably contemplating and wondering where to go from here. All that I could do at this moment was just remain in his vicinity, offering silent comfort as I began to walk around. Checking behind the crates, leading me to curiously open some; empty, was there originally shit in here and the people working here took it for themselves to survive? Maybe. But the more I check around the attic, she's not here.

She could be downstairs still, but there's no way in hell she couldn't have heard the gunshots from where she was.

Wasn't she with Ren? Why the hell was Ren alone and beat up?

Why didn't she come with him?

They weren’t supposed to be apart.

Why

What.

Where is Cassie? Did I miss anything?

".. RECON." I turned back around to check if he was still standing in the centre of the second floor. "Cassie isn’t here."

"That’s strange, but you think she got lost or something?" RECON suggested.

"I doubt it, besides… They were supposed to be together. It’s off that we only saw Ren there and not Cassie, hm?" I can feel my worries rise, and a hidden frustration beneath it. If something bad happened to her and I didn’t know?…

Then I finally lost everything.

"She’s not hiding anywhere here too," I added on, my hands had subconsciously held onto my arms in a tight grip.

"What if something bad happened to her? Like she got stuck somewhere, got bitten.?- Or..!— Or those three had already dealt with her.?!"

"Leandra.. Cassie’s capable of handling herself." RECON grew closer to me and placed a hand on my shoulder, I can feel the tables turning. "I get where you’re coming from, where your worry lies in the people you care about.

"Your protection is visible, which is probably causing your distress and blindness when you are unable to be there for her."

… What is he getting at?

"Spill it, what does Cassie mean to you?"

OH

"Wh.. What.?— What sort of q…?"

My words faded into silence, I was so confused.. where when RECON pulled that fastball on me, I was instantly thrown off! My hand had jerked following my heart rate increasing; thudding out my chest for all the scabs to hear.

What does Cassie mean to me.

"She…"

No? Why the hell am I hesitating in front of him. Why am I HESITATING IN GENERAL.
Just spit it out.

"She's everything, of course." I flaunt nonchalantly, smiling proudly and pumping my fist up like I was a cartoon character. I can hear RECON letting out a small chuckle due to my gesture, but I don't care at the moment. "She's actually my girl, you know? So... Of course I'd be worrying a lot about her.

"After all we went through, even before shit hit the fan. I need to look after her, take care of her. Love her."

"... I see, that's.. cute," RECON muttered, his head bobbing. "I’m happy for you two."

"You sound so unsure, so uncomfy."

"What?—"

"What? You disgusted? Icked?" I questioned, my index was aimed right at him. The poor boy was shaking his head vigorously. "You got a problem?"

"O-Of course not?! I’m seriously happy for you two!" RECON yelped, he shook his hands defensively and stepped back. "Why would I be?—"

"I’m kidding… But yeah, gay boy. Watch it—"

"Okay, I’m not entirely gay, you’re just?!—"

Groan.

Groaning.

Scab?

Our jest was finished from an unexpected howling, we instantaneously shut up and started to gently march to the sound of noise. My cute powerful awesome pistol now held in my hand, and then RECON holding Ren’s spear with both of his hands. His shoulders are weirdly tense too.

As the moaning progressed, we stood still at the corner to peak. I softly nudged RECON’s shoulder to give a countdown with my hand, three fingers pulled up.

3..

RECON’s grip tightened.

2..

Our breaths were held.

1.

We both peeked, bolting to the side as I aimed my pistol and shot. Ren’s spear was pushed and pointed toward the presumed scab’s throat.

……

Why the FUCK did I do that.

Whatever, it’s not Cassie thankfully, but…

"RECON, wait." My hand jerked up and tapped his torso, signalling him to not push the tip of the spear further. Me and him both took this time to process what we were staring at.

.. There was this guy, a barely alive guy. Black hair, clothes, his glasses; crushed and broken on a side, with its lenses shattered into bits. He was holding the side of his bloody face with trembling hands and bloodshot teary eyes. I can’t tell if he’s tired from waking up earlier since we were so loud with our bickering.. or he’s crying because of the obvious injuries. He was curled up into a ball and was lying on its side, his previous position was him sitting upright.

Where my bullet had gone.

I’m impressed he managed to dodge that, or conveniently slip away, I’m surprised he isn’t dead.

Yet, at least.

But who is that man? Was he attacked by those three we saw with Xiang and Ren?

Why is he here? What happened?.. Was he here for the whole thing?

"Shit, that’s pretty sad. I kinda feel bad for almost killing him." RECON’s shoulders lowered, like his guard. His head turned to me. "Soo… What’re we doing with him?"

".. Patch him up enough where the pain’s not so severe, and then we’ll bring him to base to give him some water," I whispered, my weapon descended and rested near the side of my thigh. "He seems fine enough to be considered as.. not a threat, at the moment anyway. We’ll tie him up."

"Do you think he’ll trust us? Why are we even bringing him back there? What if he’s one of them..?!"

"He’ll be dealt with, but for now…" I stared down at the traumatized man, RECON following my gaze. "We’re going to solve this."

THE GATES OF HELL ARE BROKEN, NO USE FIXING THEM NOW

ARC 1: FIND ME

The sounds of our gates opening and his short weak breaths interrupt my train of thoughts, I can see Max and Kira looking at us worriedly and confused. Most likely wondering where Ren, Leandra, Cassie, and Xiang are. I wish I could explain the whole exact ordeal to them, but I have limited information. Very limited.

The two sisters quickly ushered me and our new "friend" into the base as they closed the gates back up, Max’s gaze hardened at the newcomer, yet it didn’t hold so much spite. Kira did not want anything to do with him, so she just left us alone…

"RECON??— What happened..?! Where’s everyone?! Who is he?" Max questioned, "Was this not a quick in and out scavenge?"

".. Apparently not, Xiang didn’t know that there was apparently a group that was already in the building we thought was unoccupied." I lessened my grip, feeling the man’s body weakening. "Can you get me rope for this man? I’ll tell you what happened after."

"Uh… Sure."

Max skipped off, the hesitance in their voice did not go unnoticed. Again, I can understand both of their reactions.

Silence…

…

"Hey, bud. You still with me?"

………

"I’m not gonna hurt you dude, I just have a small question." I brought a hand up to straighten his posture from his shoulder. "What’s your name, guy?"

…

"Liam."

"Great." I smiled underneath my mask, I was happy to know he isn’t so afraid to give me his name at most. We continued to wait there, standing there, before noticing Max’s familiar figure grow bigger each step she takes toward us.

"Okay, here." Max offered me the rope, to which I accepted. I gently pushed Liam onto his knees and made him bend down a bit to wrap his body and arms around. "Can you tell me what happened now?"

"Ummm, I don’t know what happened to Cassie— Ren and Xiang were actually fighting with another group? Leandra also couldn’t find where Cassie was when we remained at the area of the fight, and that’s also where we found this guy.. Liam." I lowered my head and lifted him with the pull of my hand on his forehead. "Say hi, buddy.. She won’t bite."

…

"Aha, he’s shy right now." I pulled Liam up to his feet, as I began to make him walk in front of me, leading him inside the house. "Anyway, umm, Leandra stayed back at the building to try and find if Cassie was somehow lost. I wouldn’t blame her, place is huge."

"Oh.. I hope she and everyone will be okay?.." Max curled her fist, rubbing her palm with her fingers anxiously. "Do you remember what the group looked like?"

"Yeah, uhhh.. One female: White hair, circular black shades, a scar somewhere on her face, a white fanny pack?.. Uhhh.. Beige clothes I think too." Max went ahead and opened the door for me, which I nodded as thanks. "Then there were two men. One had curly hair, a black and white cap, brown clothes, freckles, and a nose piercing. The other had short brown messy hair, camo-like clothing?.. That’s all I got."

"Right.. okay. What’s your plan with him then?"

"I just have some questions, I’m assuming he was also involved in that whole fight. I’ll try not to overwhelm him so much, poor guy’s probably struggling right now…"

"Alright, be safe okay? Yell if he’s trying to kill you."

With that, Max trodden away. Leaving me and my new friend alone as we both entered the room. It was kind of empty, ignoring the scattered sheets of paper and wrappers on the ground. Tilted shelves, knocked over tables and chairs, and overgrown moss. We left this room alone, and now I can fully see why. I lowered myself to pick up a chair, it was slightly rocking due to the poor build, but it was tolerable. I set Liam down, and surprisingly he was obedient. Perhaps he was scared that I could kill him or something, it’s okay because it makes everything easy. The problem is him possibly being reluctant and refusing to cooperate on answering questions. He’s being smart right now, I’m hoping he’s continuing to stay like that.

"Alright, try and get up from the chair and I’m breaking your legs!" I tilted my head to the side, my arms folded over my chest as I looked down at his frail self flinch at my half-joking threat. "Talk, Liam. What do you know."

"I—.." Liam trailed off, his head reluctantly rising. "W-Why would I?..—"

"Oh, come on bro. I wanna know the deets of what really went down! Like, I know you didn’t win the fight, but at least you weren’t taken by-"

.. If I told him I were their friends, well, besides that brown haired guy. Would it cause some questions? Probably. I’ll play it safe for now.

"By those meanies. Sorry, I got distracted. Thought I heard something. Anyway! Don’t make this hard for the both of us, Liam," I warned, I unzipped a pouch in my bag and pulled out gauze and bandages. "You seem like a really chill guy, y’know? I think it’d be cool to get to know you."

………

"They hurt you, didn’t they? Wouldn’t you want to get your revenge? You looked like you were on the brink of death when we found you. Also stay still, this is going to hurt a bit." I applied direct pressure onto the brunt of the attack with gauze, the material already getting soaked. I had to put more gauze on, which amplified more winces from Liam. "I said stop moving."

"… Trying." Liam fluttered his eyes shut, his ragged and short gasps audible. I held the other side of his head to stabilize him. "Ow!— You’re pushing this too hard against my side.."

"No I’m not, this is to stop the bleeding. You’ll be okay," I assured, "Now, we could maybe team up if you’re willing to comply… We can get your revenge together on them. What do you think?"

…

"Okay… Just think about it."

The bleeding eventually ceased, I threw the gauze away and reached inside my bag to pull out my bottle of water. I rinsed my hands clean and soaked a cloth, gently rubbing the injury to prevent irritation. The silence was still, a bit uncomfortably still. I was kind of hoping for this questionnaire to go swell, but I think I’m not as good at this as I thought.

I wrung the cloth clean, water dripping and splattering onto the vinyl plank floor. I let it dry over the back of the chair Liam’s sitting on, and brought out the bandages. Wrapping it around the area of his head. I don’t have much medical supplies unfortunately, Cassie definitely has a lot more. I should ask her for a refill when she’s found.

… Please find her, Leandra.

"Alright! All patched up~… To the best of my abilities and stuff!" I clasped my hands together and swayed side to side. "How did I do?~.. Good? I know."

… He just stared at me, blankly, like he was judging me. Was he cringed? Maybe.

"… Um. Great— Well, I’ll check on you later? Need water or a snack while I’m gone?"

…

… This is the worst thing ever.

"Coool… Cool, cool. I’ll just.. go."

Without a word further, I awkwardly walked backward and reached the door. Locking it. Liam.. is hard to crack, or he just doesn’t like me. Either way, I’ll get those answers soon. Leandra, everyone’s technically relying on me too. At the moment. I guess I’ll go fill in what happened with Kira and Max.

Not here.

Not here

I can’t find her.

I’ve explored every nook and cranny in this damned place, and she’s NOT HERE. She’s gone, and no one knows where. This desolate factory is holding no one but me. Did they already get to her? Is she dead?

Dead?

Dead.

No way?

No fucking WAY.

There is nothing that runs through me but unanswered rage and dread.

Nothing.

This room I’m in is way messier than what it originally appeared, everything’s just broken and shattered in pieces. Nothing will cool me. Where is she.

It’s my fault for t

No?

No it ISN’T.

I, wasn’t partnered with her— It was Ren. What is up with that boy to just not even look after your own person?.. Does he even realize what he DID?

No loyalty, NONE. THAT CAME FROM HIM.

WHERE IS CASSIE.

WHERE…

Where.

just please

please be okay, Cass.

I can't lose you.

Chapter Text

Oh… How long has it been?

Seven weeks?

Nine months?

I don’t know, time is not a concept for us to read anymore. But I know one thing.

You’re here with us at last, with me.

It’s just like old times.. I doubt you’d remember that, you’re dead.   you’re not really here.

You aren’t in the right headspace right now, and you may never be. I won’t be too greedy though, because you’re here. The search is no more, my dreams are reality.

I won’t let you go.

I can’t, let you go.

We’re going to be together again, in one way or another.

"… So that’s what happened."

RECON held his shoulder, his index was pressing down against his clothing and under the clavicle. From what he told us with what happened with Liam, and what Max said about the problem with Ren and Xiang being captured including Cassie’s abrupt disappearance, this was looking to go more downhill. My sister was not handling this well, her hands were clammy and their teeth were grinding against each other. Obviously, something like this was never to be expected in such a landslide.

"He’ll come around, he has to." Max roughened their eyebrows, her lips curving downward. "Otherwise, I think we’ll have to take drastic measures—"

"Drastic, measures?" RECON interjected, "Hey— We’re not going to hurt him! He was already beaten up enough."

"I didn’t say that we’d hurt him! RECON, he could be a threat to us, we don’t know who he is or what intentions he has once he’s no longer stuck, he’s just some guy that is a witness. We need to get answers in one way or another, and I'm sorry if that's too harsh for you." Max shook her head, their eyes were half-lid. "Why are you being so.. what’s it…… Why are you trying to look out for him? Be merciful or something. Are you affiliated with him or?"

"Obviously I’m not, but he’s still human, Max.! We all are, no matter whatever shit they’ve done."

"Debatable."
... Debatable indeed.

Bickering, bickering. They’ve been quarrelling a bit more than normal, and I can’t tell if it’s because of that strange man. I remember earlier.. well… Way before we got so deep in this world, at the start of it all, they were actually pretty cool with each other. Kind of.. hectic.. but they were happy. We all were kinda. They were sorta like our moral support, or entertainment, yet they're not really getting along. I hope it won't get us into more trouble than what we are going through right now, and I'm hoping I'm just overthinking things.

I've been mainly observing what's been going on with Max's friends considering I don't chat with them on a daily basis, although their interaction can probably help a lot during the zombie apocalypse outside of my sister's communication. I rely on her too much, is that wrong of me? Selfish? I still feel bad because of it, and I wish they could hear my sorries and thank yous a thousand times over. I'd probably be with our mother if I didn't have her with me... Ahaha.

"I-I don’t mean all people, of course. There’s, um, an obvious list of people who shouldn’t be treated as human…" RECON’s shoulders were originally tightened, but the slow decrease of them slumping with the addition of a gradual increase of his fingers fidgeting.

"Then your earlier statement is false, not everyone can be morally human when they’ve done monstrous things." Max’s eyelids lifted, her feet arose one by one as she stood close in front of the masked individual. "I can see how you can be quite friendly, but we can’t treat every random person we meet as a friend! That man, we can’t trust him."

"I know we can’t, but can we at least give him some mercy..?? He’s gone through enough with that bash in the side of his head and probably the scene he had seen with Xiang and Ren!" RECON tilted his head down, his chest rising heavy. "You, need to open up a bit more. He even looks around our age! You really gonna act like some sixteen or seventeen year old kid is a mass murderer?"

Observations can tell you a lot without knowing the person closely, for instance: Cassie's been growing stressed each passing day, Ren's been... watching me? RECON tends to sneak away from everyone by going behind the house for whatever reason, Xiang has been in his room for most of the time, and Leandra's way more frustrated lately. Everyone's going through something and that's something I can't pick out from watching alone.

"He could be? Who knows what he may have done before he went with you!" Max scoffed, "What if there were more people there before Xiang and Ren got there and fought with them?"

"There were obviously not anyone else other than those five, how do I know? Because WE were there! Me and Leandra saw everything! We’re sure that Liam was attacked by those three!" RECON tapped his sternum, pointing at himself.

"You can’t speak for Leandra, she’s not here! I’m not believing your words for her."

I'm sure I would be in their business, but I'm more concerned about what'll happen to the group as a whole if their problems persist. I'm not aiming to be everyone's therapist , I'm aiming to try and get them to find an outlet for their issues so that there won't be any potential troubles anymore in the future, for now anyway. 

"Fair, fair, but it’s true! Do you think we’d be lying…?" RECON slouched.

"I'm not saying that, RECON, I'm trying to think about what wrongdoings he may have done before we met him," Max clarified herself, their arms spread out sharply and her fingers were clenching and unclenching. "What if he's a raider? Or?-"

"Max," RECON interrupted my sister, his arms wrapped around himself.

"... Okay, okay. Fine, I'll stop talking about Liam. What about Leandra?" Max asked, changing the topic. "She's still out there at that factory or whatever right?.. The sun's setting and I'm worried that she's got herself in some trouble just like Xiang and Ren."

"Leandra can handle herself, believe me," RECON replied, he sounded so sure of himself... "She'll make it back, you ain't got nothing to worry about. Making sure that she'll find Cassie... Leandra's.. quite a reliable one."
His tone was shifting into melancholy?
"She's a good person, that's for sure."

"... Are you just realizing that?" Max smiled, maybe out of disbelief. "Does this mean you guys won't be at each other's necks anymore? Congrats, RECON!"

“… Um. Thanks..."

Glad that’s settled with? Though the more this discussion goes on, the more the sun sets! The warm orange hue in the sky has now transitioned into a cool purple, white dots in the sky. Well, no, they don’t look entirely like dots. At least you can see them more with light pollution gone. I wish we had a telescope… That way I can show Max and the others the stars and tell them about it. That would be a fun serene moment with everyone, I think they would like it.

For now, we remain under simplistic stars in the dark scenery. We’ll see them in more detail soon, together, I’m sure.

"Should I get started on prepping food for us? Or do we want to stay here and wait for Leandra to return a bit longer," Max proposed.

"Let’s just eat, I don’t know about you two? But I’m staarving…" RECON whined, "We can save some for her when she does come back— Oh! Yeah, we need to feed Liam too."

"… Are you kidding?"

"Huh? Hey! We’re not going to let him starve..?!"

… Here we go again.

You probably can't acknowledge me, or even remember me. I wonder if you're looking down at us from up there though, I wonder if you can see what I'm doing with your physical form right now, I wonder if you can see how Xiang and Ren are doing. How everyone is doing.

Is this wrong of me to have you like this? To keep you to myself and isolated from everyone else?
I'm sorry if you disapprove of my actions, of what has led me to this... This state I'm in. I feel like I'm losing myself the more I grow closer to you, to make up for lost time. I don't want all of this to go to waste.

Will you forgive my choices?

Will you forgive my insecurities?

Will you forgive my fears?

Will you forgive my doubts?
Will you forgive my failures?
Will you forgive my anger?
Will you forgive my lies?
Will you forgive my greed?
Will you forgive my desires?
Will you forgive my anger?
Will you forgive my attachment?
Will you forgive me?
Will you forgive me?
Will you forgive me?
Will you forgive me?
Will you forgive me?
Will you forgive me?
Will you forgive me?
Will you forgive me?
Will you forgive me?
Will you forgive me?

Will you forgive me?

You will. You always understood me.

I’m so conflicted? Like… What? Why am I here? It felt like it all happened so fast, I blinked and suddenly the side of my head was violently smacked and my body was tied to keep me still. The masked guy didn’t at least make me bound to this chair though, otherwise I would have genuinely lost it. I don’t exactly like staying still in one spot for so long. Speaking of, I never liked when I had to keep watch for intruders or scabs. I would be paired up with Bryce for most of the time, which was.. okay, and sometimes we would switch it up. It didn’t change the fact I didn’t like it though.

Every time I try to pace around, I would get called back to stand still, like I am walking off from my post. If I disobeyed her orders? I likely wouldn’t hear the end of it, or I wouldn’t be able to hear anything at all when I’m 6ft under. I don’t know actually, I didn’t try to rebel, because from Caleb’s insights: Those who defied her would be killed, that’s the most likely reason. I find it a bit vague, but we never really see the individual again, and Caleb wouldn’t elaborate. I’m assuming it was so bad where no one must bat an eye, but can you blame curiosity?

This room has nothing good in here, obviously, I expected there would be something that would be useful in my spot or entertaining? I guess that masked one was amusing to watch. Seeing how awkward he can be and his social confidence crumbling at my cringed silence, it’s kinda funny, even though I’m being an asshole; I should try to talk to him perhaps, he means well I think… He’s a nice change from the people I’m used to back home.

Mara’s reserved and stern, she’s intimidating but I think it’s because I’m just not that close with her? It’s not like she shows her warmth with Caleb, well from what I see: She’s being a casual leader with a smothering stoicism, I guess Caleb doesn’t try to defy her too. Why would he? He’s in a powerful position, what would he gain from it? Also he’s just sucking up, definitely. It’s not that discrete, everyone can see it.

Am I a suck up? We’re all suck ups yeah but… Caleb does too much, even if it’s due to his job.

Mara can be lenient though, very understanding when she has the patience for it. Sometimes she tends to those who are in unfortunate circumstances, to our captives as well who may even be offered to join us. It explains most of our army’s reasoning on being here, she can be persuasive at times too… It’s somewhat unsettling? Like, what if she persuades me to do something bad, something I’ll regret.

. . .
Regret.

It’s already too late for me to go back on the things I do regret, what more can I regret at this point. I already have blood on my hands beforehand, it’s just been piling up on these palms. How much longer can I hold until my arms give out? How much longer can I live with myself from these actions I have done, accidental or not, they’re still choices filled with regret. I regret tagging along with Bryce, I regret having to join him with Mara and Caleb.

I regret having to shoot him in the first place.

It’s not my fault, yet the look on his face, the distress he held in his eyes.

The panic.
The fear.
The horror.
The exhaustion.

Upon each reflection, I lean more forward to thinking it was a mercy kill at this point, but maybe that’s what I want to be right. That it’d relieve my stress, that I can run away from the horrid truth facing me. That I didn’t just make it worse for him. I didn’t want to, I never wanted this. It was an accident, an accident! I keep telling myself that, but each time I do… My conscience won’t believe me. It knows I am wrong.

… Being with him just makes that pain even worse, but…
Back there… Did he really care about me? That he wanted them to check up on me and bring them back home?
.  .  .

No. Why would he actually care for me? He just wants me around so that I can do his bidding, like for Marco.

……. Marco……
.. M… ..!

“Hk-! Ghk!...”
It’s as if the pure thought of my brain repeating his name in my head automatically makes me nauseous, that I am not allowed to utter his name. I don’t deserve it, after stripping his years of living… I don't even deserve to live. What purpose do I serve in this nightmare...?! I've been reduced to a captive, my group had left me! The ones I'm supposed to count on! Here I am, left alone in another group's shelter to... What? Grovel in my sorrows? Succumb to the realization I'm just a weak useless idiot?!

I.

Marco.
When I die, will you smile? Smile knowing your shooter had finally died, will it serve you justice and grant you peace?
... Or will you look at my pitiful self with the same look I had given you.

"... Liam?— What the hell? Are you okay?!" RECON jumped, he quickly made his way over to me and leaned down, lifting my head up. "Are you sick? Hurt?"

.. Am I okay?
I have tears, drool, and snot running down while I kept my head looking at the ground. What does he think.

.    .    .

"W-Well... Here, I brought you food," RECON spoke in a hushed tone, bringing the bowl up to my face. "I hope you like chicken soup..! Maybe this'll make ya feel better, I'll feed you bro."

RECON crouched down, holding the handle of the spoon and scooping up the golden broth. He slowly rose it to my lips as I hesitantly drank the liquid.

"Ah! What am I doing? I should probably clean your tears first! Who knows how annoying it must be for you having to deal with tears in your eyes while you're trying to eat!" RECON chuckled, checking his pouches before finally pulling out a tissue. "Here! Lemme just..."
The soft texture of the white handkerchief dabbed my skin and then my closed eyes, I felt the tissue being placed on my thigh afterward.

"There you go! You're gonna be okay, bud," RECON assured, "Now, I'm gonna keep feeding ya. Also... You don't have to tell me what happened with you crying when I entered, I won't make you. Everyone needs a time to cry, especially during these times! Just keep eating.. or is it drinking? Hey, what would you call it when you eat - or drink - soup? Is it-..."

. . .
He talks a lot, but... He means well.

".. What's your name again?" I asked.

"RECON!" The masked chatterbox answered.

.. RECON isn't that bad.

... I've cleaned the most I can from your body, the overgrown moss, plants, chains and dirt. You've been through so much, and I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you. I never wanted you to turn out this way, if I had the chance to go back in time and prevent this from ever happening to you, I'd do it in a blink of an eye. Once I find Leandra, maybe.. maybe I'll tell her about you? If I build up the courage to do so, we'll all be back together again! Like the good old times before she had to move...

. . .

Why did she have to move from us? Did she not like what we had?

That had to be it... It was so much fun back then, there is no other way...

..

Your jacket... It's already being tainted by your new body already? You missed your jacket, haven't you? The maggots and leftover fungi I couldn't reach seemed to have already made their home on some parts of it. Don't worry, I kept it safe and clean just for you, I know you wouldn't like it as much if it was dirtied I'd assume! I'm sorry I can't give you your hat though, perhaps I'll find it later?

.   .   .

Don't look so sad! I'll get your hat back, Marco.
You will look like yourself again.

.. Just... Be patient.

SHE'S NOT EVEN HERE. AT ALL.

They had to do something to her, did they take her too? How did we not notice that sooner if that was the case?! I didn't know we were just a bunch of blind idiots! This was supposed to be an easy in-and-out scavenge, how the hell did we manage to fuck up so badly?!... Wait, we? No, I mean Ren! There's no doubt about it?! He was the only one with her, and then apparently when I found him again getting his ass served to him, she just isn't there! It can't just be me that I find it a bit odd that Ren would just leave her considering their relationship.

I'm not being told something, and it fills me with sheer hatred.

That.. entire search.. costed me the whole afternoon. I can barely see, and it did take us a while to get here. I'm hoping I don't get ambushed by a horde of scabs, but with a flashlight and a raging fire inside of my soul, I don't think hordes would be able to diminish my being.

I just want her to be safe, she's all I have close to me. Personally, close. I can't have her gone...! What am I going to do without her..?!

. . .

Please...
.. I... No.. I have to focus.....

Now's not the time to cry, I have to get back, and if I dare stay in that shitty building; zombies might stagger in and that'd cause a whole other issue for me which I DO NOT NEED RIGHT NOW. I need to go back home, and then I can let it out. However.. despite my tiredness.. I need to make sure I seriously don't die.
With my grip on my cute pistol strengthened, and my flashlight lowly pointing my way back, I took a deep breath and began to try and find my way back to base.

. . .
I still can't help but feel anxious in my heart.

Please, Cassie. Please be okay, we'll keep looking for you. I, will keep searching for you.
I won't let you leave us.

... It's an alternative, a temporary one, but I hope you like beanies? I think mine looks nice on you, like a reminder that I'm here for you.

Don't look at me like that, I'm going to come back, Marco...

What? What do you mean I won't see you again?

I said I'm coming back, don't worry! It'll be quick, you won't even realize it.

... I'll come back.. I promise.

Just stay here, don't make a sound!

I don't want them knowing you're here yet.