Actions

Work Header

That Numb Feeling

Summary:

Elyan’s face was shiny with tears, and Percival thought that maybe his own would be too, had he a mirror to gaze at.

~

Series Summary: When Merlin tries to kill himself, his friends must finally realize what he has gone through and come to terms with Merlin's magic, the person he's become, and the ways they contributed to his plight.

Notes:

This is a long time coming, but here's Percival's reaction! To everyone still checking on this fic, thank you for being so patient! While this one is short, there is much more to come, I assure you! This chapter is gifted to @015wayward_winchester for their encouragement to continue this series! I hope you continue to enjoy it!

Triggers are in the tags, please read them first and tread with caution! (AND PLEASE READ THE PRECEDING PARTS OF THIS SERIES BEFORE READING THIS ONE!)

Disclaimer: While I have written about suicide, I do not condone or encourage suicide, nor do I wish anyone ever to take their own lives. Please, if you deal with suicidal thoughts or tendencies, talk to someone. If not a friend or family member, then call the suicide hotline where you live and get help, please. I've put a link below that has a list of numbers for various countries where you can talk to someone about the way you feel, without any repercussions or judgement. Please consider this and take the first step to feeling better.
Suicide Hotlines

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

     To say that the day’s turn of events had been shocking would be an understatement, for as Percival strode forward at Gaius’ behest to lift Merlin’s mutilated body off the ground, he felt nothing but a cold numbness taking over his body. He’d had the presence of mind to ensure Gwaine fetched the herbalist while two others rode for the midwives, but still, he felt almost as though he was moving through a fog. He watched as Elyan rushed into the courtyard with a medical litter, working with another knight to lay it flat next to Merlin. Elyan’s face was shiny with tears, and Percival thought that maybe his own would be too, had he a mirror to gaze at.

 

     He knelt by Merlin’s feet as Gaius calmly instructed Arthur and Elyan to help him move Merlin onto the stretcher, waiting for any orders for himself as he stared blankly down. Red rippled beneath his gaze, and as the surface of the bloody pool smoothed out, revealing his reflection, Percival realized with detachment that he was indeed crying. Another drop splashed down, then another, each a surprise in their own right as he felt nothing.

 

     His hands grasped the handles of the litter as Gaius directed him to, but even the wood beneath his hands felt like empty air as he carefully lifted the stretcher with Arthur and Elyan. Blood was already pooling in the leather sling, and Percival had a wild feeling of nausea rush through him before that, too, faded away. Before he knew it, he was sitting in the hallway outside Gaius’ door. Elyan was quiet beside him as they listened to Gaius and Arthur plead with Merlin to stay with them.

 

     Percival’s eyes closed as he leaned his head back against cool stone. Immediately, images of his family played before his eyes, their slaughtered bodies strewn across the square of their hometown, their empty eyes gazing at nothing as he screamed Cenred’s name in anger. With that thought, Percy finally felt the numbness snap, giving way to rage. He stood, hands balled at his sides. Cenred had paid for what he’d done, and so too would Merlin’s attacker.

 

     “I’m going to join Leon in his search.” He said, striding down the hallway. He barely got ten feet away before Elyan’s response had him freezing in place. He slowly turned back, eyes wide with horror as he stared at the other knight, who sat with his head bowed in grief. “What did you say?”

 

     Elyan inhaled shakily before repeating himself. “Merlin did it to himself. There’s no one to find.”

 

     Just like that, the rage drained from Percival, and the shock set in once more.

Notes:

Percival knows! And the others will know soon as well! The next installment will feature Gaius and his entourage attempting to fix Merlin, so stay tuned!

Also, anyone else think about the fact that Percy's backstory left so much room for his character development that the writers just never acknowledged? Like, his family was killed by Cenred. When? How? Why? What was Percy like before it happened? How did it change him? How did joining the knights help him heal? So many questions!!!

my tumblr

Series this work belongs to: