Archive of Our Own ^beta

1.

The first time Tim and Lucy almost kiss is a few weeks after the breakup. They still aren’t talking but they have gotten to the point where they mutter hi to each other. Tim hates it, he hates how awkward this has become and he hates that he caused this. 

Tim makes his way down the hallway, and he sees Lucy coming his way. Before seeing her would have made him smile and he would have waited for her to catch up with him. Now, he freezes as she gets closer and his heart pounds as her eyes meet his. She stops in front of him, and shuffles her feet a little bit. 

“Hi.” She says. He bites the inside of his cheek as he looks at her. He misses her, misses everything about her. 

“Hi.” He replies back. There’s a long silence and Tim’s eyes dart from her eyes to her lips wishing he could just—

“Um how are you?” She asks and then her cheeks flush red as if she’s embarrassed for asking that. 

“I’m—” He trails off. “Okay. And you?” 

Lucy shrugs her shoulders looking down at her feet. “Same.” She says. Right. 

She steps closer to him and looks up at him. Her eyes go to his lips and he’s really not sure what is happening here. He feels the spark with her, he always has. And even when they are in this weird space he still feels it. 

Lucy steps closer and he can feel her, smell her. She looks at him her face conflicted and he looks back at her. 

“Lucy—” He mutters realizing neither of them had spoken for awhile. “What are you—” Lucy leans in and then steps back.

“I gotta go.” She says her voice shaky. “I um—” She trails off turns on her heels and leaves him behind. 

Tim is still frozen to his spot several minutes later, and it’s only when someone passes him that he unfreezes.

What the hell just happened? They were about to kiss and then—

He starts walking away, his legs shaky for a few seconds before he gains his composure. He looks around for Lucy but she’s no where in sight. He sighs deeply his head pounding and his heart hurting.

If only he could make this right.

(He goes to his first therapy session the next day). 

***

2.

The next time Tim and Lucy almost kiss is at the bar. Tim has no idea Lucy is going to be there and after their almost kiss she had been avoiding him even more. Tim sits down at the bar and orders a beer. He doesn’t even know why he’s here, Angela told him him it would do him some good to get out and meet people. Meet someone. But the thing is he doesn’t want to meet someone else.

He wants Lucy. 

He will always want Lucy. 

He takes a sip of his beer when someone sits down next to him. He turns to look at them hoping he doesn’t have to move or strike up a conversation with them. But when he sees who it is, he wants the ground to open up and swallow him whole.

Lucy. 

He takes another drink and shifts on his stool. It makes a sound and Lucy turns to look at him her eyes wide.

“Oh.” She says. The bartender slides her a shot glass. “Um.” 

“What are you doing here?” Tim asks quickly before the silence takes over. Lucy shrugs her shoulders and takes her shot.

“I don’t like being home alone.” She answers and then avoids his eyes. 

“Where’s Tamara?” He asks. Lucy’s shoulders fall a bit and she worries her bottom lip.

“She moved out.” She answers. “About a month ago.” Tim looks at her surprised and she looks away again. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He asks. Lucy turns back to face him, a fire in her eyes. 

“It’s none of your business now.” She answers. “She moved out around the same we—”

Tim’s heart sinks to floor. “Oh.” Lucy is silent and she stares down at the counter. Tim moves his stool closer to her. She startles when he does but doesn’t move back. He studies her for a minute before she’s leaning in too.

“Luce.” He breathes his heart pounding and he’s not sure what propels him to do this but—

He leans in more and she doesn’t move and then she jumps up. She chews on her lip looking at him.

“No. We can’t—You walked away. I’m not just going to…” She trails off and then backs away before she’s turning towards the exit and running towards it.

“Hey she didn’t pay.” Says the bartender. Tim waves him off, a heavy weight on his chest. 

“I got it.” He says. He throws some bills on the counter and then walks towards the exit. He gets outside but Lucy is gone. Again. 

You walked away. 

Tim didn’t really have any hope they could repair what they had because she was right. He walked away from her. He broke her heart in the process and also broke his own heart. Because walking away from Lucy was the hardest thing he had ever done. 

But he thought he was doing the right thing, he thought he was protecting her from him. He thought—

He sighs loudly. It’s not like he wasn’t trying to better himself because he was but he’s not sure it would be enough and that thought makes him sick to his stomach. 

He just wants to make this right with Lucy.

(He doesn’t tell his therapist about this almost kiss).

***

3.

The next time Tim and Lucy almost kiss is at Angela’s house. It had been two months since the breakup and even after their last almost kiss nothing had really changed. Tim tried to go out of his way to say hi to her when they passed each other. 

He was trying and as his therapist told him, right now that had to be enough. He couldn’t force Lucy to talk to him and he certainly couldn’t force her to take him back. 

Tim wonders around Angela’s backyard watching as Jack runs in circles around Wesley. Angela is getting something ready. His eyes wonder the yard and he sees Lucy step out into the yard holding a container. Angela sees her and hurries over to grab the container. Lucy laughs and Tim’s heart swells. 

He loves when she laughs.

He loves her.

He watches as Angela and Lucy talk for a few more minutes and then Lucy turns around and sees him. 

She walks towards him and he prepares himself, for what he’s not totally sure but for something he knows is going to hurt.

He meets her halfway and she looks him up and down, red spreading across her cheeks when she realizes he was watching her. 

“Hi.” She says. He swallows down all the words he actually wants to say.

“Hi.” He says and the silence is still heavy and stilted but it’s better. “What did you bring?” 

“Cheesecake.” She says a small smile on her face. “Angela asked me to. What did you bring?” 

“Nothing.” He says looking away from her. 

“Are you going to say the cheesecake is from you too?” She asks her voice teasing. He looks at her again, and even through her smile is strained he sees a bit of sunshine Lucy shining through.

“Maybe.” He answers playing along. And to his delight Lucy laughs, a real laugh. One that he misses. 

There’s another silence but it’s more comfortable than the last. “I’m going to go get a beer.” He says after awhile. “D-do you want anything?” Lucy doesn’t say anything for a moment. 

“I will come with you.” She says. He nods and they walk towards the coolers that Wesley had put out. Lucy walks a little ahead of Tim and gets there first. She opens the cooler and pulls out a beer and hands it to him. 

“Thanks.” He says. She nods and grabs her own beer. He opens his bottle and take a sip of it, Lucy does the same. And once again they are left in heavy silence. 

“I um I will see you later.” Lucy says and walks off before he can say anything. He feels eyes on him, and when he looks over it’s Angela looking at him knowingly. He rolls his eyes and wonders around the yard once more.

Later Tim finds himself in Angela and Wesley’s bathroom, and when he walks out Lucy is outside the door. Her cheeks are flushed like when she has too much alcohol and she’s liking at him in a way she hadn’t done in months. 

“Hi.” She giggles and grabs onto his arm to steady herself. He helps her steady herself and he keeps his hand on her arm. 

She pushes him against the wall and he grunts in surprise but then her lips are inches away from his. He smells her and feels her like he did the first time. And it’s absolutely amazing at how close they are even if this is fueled by alcohol.  

They stay like that for a few minutes and then just as she’s about to press her lips to his. He pushes her away gently. He can’t kiss her like this, not when she has had a little too much to drink. He doesn’t want her to regret it later. And he certainly would never take advantage of her like that.

Lucy pouts a little and he reaches out to squeeze her arm. “Tim—”

But he shakes his head, “No not like this Luce.” He says gently as he can. She bites her lip and nods. And as much as it hurts him, he knows he did that right thing. 

“How have you been?” She asks him suddenly. He looks down at the ground and shuffles his feet.

“I’m doing better. I’ve been going to therapy.” He says. Lucy’s eyes light up a little. 

“Yeah?” 

“I’m trying Lucy. I am.” He says. “I’m working through all my issues.” Lucy doesn’t reply right away, her eyes are on his face and she seems a little more sober.

“I’m proud of you Tim.” She says. She starts to walk away before she turns back to look over her shoulder.

“I mean it. I am.” She says. Tim smiles a little and watches her go. This time though his heart isn’t breaking as much. In fact, her words put some of the pieces back in place. 

And for the first time in a long time he feels…hopeful.

(He has a lot to talk about in therapy).

***

4.

The next time they almost kiss is in the parking lot, it’s a few weeks after they had almost kissed at Angela’s. And even though things aren’t where they were they are better. The hope Tim was feeling at Angela’s was growing everyday. 

They walk out together and Lucy is telling Tim something that had happened to her on patrol. He smiles and he feels like his heart could leap outside of his chest. This was the dynamic that he had been craving all these months. 

Easy. 

And just them. 

And god he loves her. 

They reach his truck and Lucy turns to Tim. She still has a smile on her face but she looks hesitant. Nervous. 

“What’s wrong?” He asks and he wants to reach out for her but he doesn’t. He still doesn’t have that right. 

“I missed this.” She says gesturing between them. “Us. Not just being with you but our friendship.”

Tim nods because he misses that too. He wants to be with Lucy, but if it’s only friendship she wants then he will take it as long as she’s in his life. 

“I miss it too Luce. I miss you.” He says and takes a step closer to her. She steps closer too and looks up at him. She has a vulnerable look on her face and he sighs softly. 

“Luce.” He breathes and she blinks up at him. And like at Angela’s their lips are inches apart and he feels the electricity. He wants this but— 

He doesn’t want their first second kiss to be in the parking lot where he ended their relationship. He steps back and she looks disappointed. But he reaches out to cup her face. “Not here. Not like this Lucy.” He says. She looks around and then back at him a smile on her face. 

“You are right.” She says. “Not here.” He reaches down for her hand and gives it a squeeze. She squeezes it back and then walks off towards her car.

Soon. Soon. He would make this right. 

***

+1 

The next time they almost kiss is at her apartment. Tim had gathered some of her stuff at his house that he thought she might want back. And as hard as it was he knew it had to be done. After their last almost kiss in the parking lot, they were talking more and it was less  awkward than it was before. It felt like them, it felt like they were repairing their relationship a little at time. He’s glad that he stopped the kiss because he didn’t want good memories tainted with bad ones. 

Tim knocks on Lucy’s door and she opens it right away. Her smile falls a bit when she sees the box he’s holding but then she looks back at him and smiles.

“I thought you might want these things back.” He says holding the box out for her. She takes it and then they stand their awkwardly. 

“Do you want to come in?” She asks. He thinks back to the first time she asked that after they had gotten back from Vegas. He hesitates now like he did then. 

“I…” He starts. “Okay.” Lucy steps aside and he steps inside the apartment he called home for almost a year.

He stands near the door and Lucy puts the box down. “Do you want a beer?” She asks. He did. And if he accepted this would almost feel like old times. 

“Sure.” He says before he can stop himself. Lucy nods and heads to the refrigerator. “Wait.” 

Lucy turns to look at him, a curious look on her face. 

“I don’t think this is a good idea.” He says. Lucy face falls again and her hand falls away from the refrigerator.

“Okay.” She says. He closes his eyes and wishes he could tell her how much this is hurting him. He hears her footsteps and then a hand on his arm. 

“Tim..what’s wrong?” Lucy asks. Tim opens his eyes and sees her looking at him in concern. 

“I don’t know what I’m doing.” He says. Lucy furrows her brows. 

“What do you—”

“I am so sorry.” He says. Lucy eyes widen a little and he realizes he has to be more clear. He thinks of what his therapist said at his last session. 

Try and apologize to her Tim. You both have been making progress in trying to repair your relationship now it’s time to take the next step. 

“I’m sorry for walking away that night. I’m sorry for not letting you in. I’m sorry for everything that transpired these last few months.” 

“Tim—”

“No, please let me get this out.” He says almost desperately. He had no idea he would be confessing this to Lucy. He thought he was going to come and give her the box and leave. But apparently his brain and heart had other plans.

Lucy nods and doesn’t say anything. “I regret walking away from you and not letting you in. And these past few months I know it’s been hard but I’m trying to get better. And we—”

He trails off thinking of all the times they almost kissed. “We have been so close to coming back together but none of those times were the right times. I don’t know if this is it either but—”

“Tim.” Lucy steps closer and closer to him. She looks up at him with love and adoration in her eyes. 

“Yeah?” 

“Please kiss me.” She says and he does. He pulls her in by the waist and kisses her like his life depends on it. She kisses him back with just as much passion and then she pulls back. He growls a little not wanting her to go far. She doesn’t. 

She reaches up to touch his cheek, “I love you.” She whispers and I know we have a lot to work on but—”

“I love you too.” He whispers back. She grins at him and then kisses him again this time slower and sweeter. 

He wants this and he wants her again. “Lucy, I really am trying to be better for you.” He says. “I’m not going to make the same mistake again.” 

“I know.” She says. “I appreciate that.” He nods and kisses her again. He feels like he’s floating on a cloud. 

She pulls him over to the couch and they flop down on it. He pulls her into his side and he sighs happily. 

Home. He’s finally home.