Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

You can have a lot of people around and still have no one

- Rahul Gehlot

Is it weird to write fanfiction about yourself? Definitely!

Pathetic even because the hours alone in his house are oppressive and he wants nothing more than to experience a relationship exactly like the one he writes about? Oh, fuck yes.

And how fucked up is it to write yourself and your favourite singer and crush as a paring, whom he even met in person at a party of his management? Very much. 

Does Louis regret it? No.

Louis even loves it. He loves to let his creativity run free when he's not writing songs and to fill the lonely hours. He loves to dream himself into a world, into a life that is so different from his own. It's even very therapeutic here and there, processing things that he has experienced himself, even if he mostly dramatises them and can fully live out his penchant for the angst and drama.

The best thing about it is that none of his small fan base knows it's him.

Unfortunately, he only has a few hits on his latest story and yes, it depresses Louis. Because even if it is somewhat fraught with more serious topics, it still has his whole heart and soul in it. Especially in this deep connection between Story-Louis and Paolo Nutini, his favourite pairing that he writes about because he just has this huge crush on him.

He doesn't really know why he has so few readers and comments, but it's probably because he only has a small fake profile on Twitter where he promotes his stories with poorly made moodboards. Maybe it's his writing style, Louis knows that he's very good at songwriting, but self-doubt is spreading in him, especially with so little interest in his story.

And so he opens the first chapter again to read through from the beginning. To analyse exactly what he could have done wrong.

Twelve months. They've been together for a whole year now. Their anniversary and even better - on the first day of their school holidays. And only at the age of 16, Louis knows very well that Paolo, his first great love, will be his last. He is his yin to his yang, his umbrella in the rainy season, the roof over his head, the lid to his pot and the burn in his heart. Paolo is everything.

And the best part is - Paolo feels the same way.

It took a while for the close childhood friendship to become something more, until suddenly the innocent touches from back then suddenly caused goosebumps, looks that went from mischievous to longing ones, hugs that lasted a little too long. One day back then in one of those way too tight hugs, suddenly Paolo's lips were on his. Pink and soft, like a puffy pillow made just for him. When everything suddenly made sense, just from that one kiss. Paolo was shy and yet had the courage to take this step. And Louis, who was just grateful for that, caught between the two hands that held his face so tenderly and wished that this kiss would never end. For both of them it was the first at the age of 15, nobody knew what they were doing and yet it was perfect. The tingling that ran from his lips down to the tips of his toes. His whole body on fire, his heart pounding in his throat and he wanted to rip it out just to put it in Paolo's hands. Louis already knew from that moment that he was lost for everyone else. Paolo is his galaxy of a thousand colours and he is an astronaut who never wants to go back to earth.

From that moment on they were boyfriends. Far too hasty for their parents, but everything was crystal clear for the two of them. It had to be like this. Louis told him the first 'I love you' after a month, the first sex after three months and a year later Louis is still as sure about Paolo as he was since their first kiss.

Not only is he still his great love but also his best friend. Louis suspects it is destiny that he was meant to accompany Paolo from an early age. From a cute kid with chubby cheeks to a lanky boy with legs that are way too beautiful. Which wraps around him at that moment as they fall into bed together.

"Happy anniversary doll," Louis breathes softly on Paolo's lips, only to melt into a kiss the next moment. His head empty, only feelings that let his body guide him, trying to transfer them to Paolo's mouth, to shape him and yet doesn't come close to what he feels for the boy below. Hands still exploring each other even though they know every inch of the other body.

"I love you babe," Paolo chokes out between a brief pause in which both of them take a breath, only to disappear again the next moment, into a sea of their emotions, almost floating through the depths of their love, to keep each other upright so as not to be swallowed up.

Paolo‘s hands as always on his face, always his way of kissing and Louis wants it to stay that way. Feels so safe and held as he runs his own hands through the thick hair each time, not getting enough of how they feel beneath his fingertips.

But eventually he lets go of him, kissing Paolo’s dimples, which he just can't get enough of either.

"We shouldn't start something in the middle of the day, Paolo. You know your mother," he winks at him and Paolo starts to giggle. Both of them remember only too well the two times his mother unsuspectingly stormed into Paolo‘s room and both were so overcome with lust that they didn't think to lock the door. It shouldn't have happened to them a second time after the first incident, but both are often too passionate for their own good and get lost in each other every damn time. Since then, at least, they always lock up the room door or don't start anything at all in broad daylight. And his mother has also learned to knock, because her baby has now grown into a horny teenager any time of the day.

And as if it were her signal, her voice is booming up to them from below.

"Paolo! The mail was here, come down."

Sighing, they both steal another kiss and then Louis rolls off him to make room for Paolo to get up. As always when the two are together, neither of them goes off without taking the other by the hand. Be it at school, on the streets or even in their own four walls. Just like they sit side by side at every family gathering they attend each other. Once Paolo had pouted terribly when he wasn't fast enough and his sister just dropped into the chair next to Louis. It was literally an affront and while Louis smiled at his boyfriend who crossed his arms and gave his sister a murderous look, she stood up, clicking her tongue and mumbling something about Siamese twins growing together at the hips. Since then no one has dared to challenge Paolo for his place at Louis' side. In general, both are jealous of anyone who is too close to the other. Louis knows that Paolo loves him madly and vice versa, but maybe that's why. No one is even worth getting that close to their other half. They are both possessive and stand by it.

A quick look at his phone after the first paragraph reveals that he doesn't have much time left before he has to go to his meeting with his management and he decides to continue reading this evening.

He doesn't want to be late again like usual, too much depends on the conversation today, which is about pushing his career and getting him to number one after years as a small Indie artist. They want to discuss with him today exactly how his management plans to do this.

 ⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

One last time he lets the smoke from his cigarette escape between his lips into the fresh air, looks at the grey sky above him and the first drop already falls on his face. Not a good omen, Louis thinks. His gut feeling is already telling him that he won't like what his manager Pete is about to say, it's like a dark premonition wafting through him, leaving his stomach in a knot.

Louis is 28 years old, a singer and songwriter not just since yesterday, has been on several stages, albeit small ones, and knows how the big stars are shaped for the public until they sometimes no longer recognise themselves and lose themselves in drugs and alcohol to endure it. 

Sighing, he puts out the cigarette and although more and more raindrops get caught in his hair and wet the leather jacket he is wearing, he can hardly put one foot in front of the other to finally enter the building. Maybe these are his last seconds of freedom as Louis Tomlinson as the person he is. 

How will he go out afterwards? And yet he will never know if he doesn't take this step now and so he inhales another deep breath and exhales and then pulls the door open with a flourish.

More self-confident than he really feels, he walks towards the reception with firm steps, smiles kindly with a nod of the head at the woman who always sits there and goes straight to Pete's room. In his typical manner, he enters the room without knocking and receives an eye roll as a greeting when his manager looks up. 

They have a kind of love-hate relationship. In Pete's case, the love for Louis includes only his fans who are dedicated to the most, even if he is such a small artist, and the hate for Louis is for his more difficult and sassy kind. Louis himself feels the same love for his fans, a deep gratitude at that, but there is nothing like that attributed for Pete. He doesn't really feel hate because he simply doesn't care about the other man. It's more of a dislike that he rarely manages to cover up, but since Louis was raised with decency and respect, he even brings it up to this guy who has never really helped Louis become better known. Even though it's his fucking job. Which is exactly what he once threw at him.

“Louis, it would be nice if you knocked next time,” Pete groans but nods to the empty chair in front of his desk.

"Why should I? You knew I was coming now. Here I am, lay it on me, what have you planned for my career to finally take off," Louis smiles fakely and he knows he's showing too much teeth.

He sinks into the chair, legs wide apart, his hands clasped together and his arms leaning on the armrest of the chair. His head tilts to the side curiously and he really tries to be nicer to Pete, remembering that this is about his career. Almost everything in this industry is fake anyway, Louis hates it but if he wants to be one of the big ones he has to put aside his aversion and play along. Maybe he should write his next fanfiction about it and let out everything that bothers him. Insider knowledge, so to speak, packed into a world of fantasy that in reality is not one. Perfect!

“Louis? Are you listening to me?” Pete asks, annoyed with raised eyebrows.

“Sorry, I was thinking for a moment. Please start from the beginning, I’m all ears now,” Louis smiles sweetly, internally rolling his eyes.

Pete, on the other hand, is clearly rolling his. "You better be. So, again from the beginning. After discussions with the team, your next single will be ‘Out of my system’. A fast number, even suitable for radio although it has punk elements and your indie touch. I think you’re okay with that?”

Louis nods. "Yes, perfect. I really like the song and can't wait to see how it's received. I particularly like to imagine it live.”

“Live performance is secondary now, Louis. First of all we have to get you into the charts, ideally at number one. We have developed a strategy for this.”

“That would be?” Louis braces himself internally, knowing that he will pay his price for it.

“You've never had a public relationship with a man or a coming out, which is good, but it's an open secret among your fans that you're gay. That has to stop. Nobody wants a gay artist. At least not with a rising career.”

“Excuse me?” Louis calls out, but Pete immediately silences him by raising his hand.

“If you want to become better known, we have to take a different path. You're straight to the public. Point number one. We are considering giving you a PR relationship to start with. That would be point number two. At best with a well-known woman who is already fully involved in show business, we are currently still in discussions. Singer or actress? If so, who? But let that be our concern. The only thing I need from you is for you to be seen by her side for the next few months, looking in love. Clear so far?” Pete rattles off and looks at him expectantly.

“My fans will never believe this! I stood on stage with a fucking rainbow flag!” Louis hisses. “I don't want to pretend. I am who I am and I love who I love!”

“You’re welcome to do all of this in private, Louis. This is all about your public image. And either we go this way or not at all,” Pete says, unimpressed by Louis, who sits there with his heart pounding wildly and in complete despair. His gut feeling was probably right.

“And a shitty stunt like this ensures that I have more success?” Louis asks, scoffing.

“Almost certainly. Your current fans may be confused for a moment, but we can also spin it that you are an absolute supporter of same-sex love but totally straight. I'll tell you how it is. You are in your prime and look good. That's why we don't need this PR relationship for long. Because you sell yourself even better as a single. All the young girls will immediately hope for opportunities with you, your songs already contain lyrics in which you long for true love and how nice would it be if one of these girls could be that one for you? Do you understand what I mean? It's a game with the public and the fans, Louis. It's not about who you let into your bed at home, I just don't care as long as it stays private and nothing gets out.”

Louis is already clenching his jaw so tightly that his muscles and teeth are aching, but he actually understands what Pete means. Even if he doesn't like it one bit. So what does he want? This is a crucial point in his life, Louis feels it in every cell and it literally compresses his lungs, making it difficult for him to breathe.

And yet he has to keep a cool head, there's so much at stake here. Louis is ambitious and the last few years have already been fulfilling but he wants more. As Pete says, he's in his prime. Now. Now is the time to turn the sail again and hit the open sea with full force and not lie chained in the small harbour.

And that's why he nods. "Okay."

Pete smiles at him, Louis can see straight away how fake it is even though his next words are overly nice. “Perfect Louis, I know you’re a smart man. It's good that you trust me and the team. In addition to the stunt, there will also be more appearances on TV shows and radio. The next period will be intense, you probably won't have much free time if everything goes according to plan. Interact more with fans on social media in the meantime until we make your new relationship public. You need to remain in the public eye and I expect your full cooperation. Is that clear?"

“Yes, everything is perfectly clear,” Louis grins, knowing full well that it looks like a grimace. “Are we done?”

"Yes. I already have a contract for the PR relationship here, please sign it now so that I just have to give it to the other party to sign as soon as we have agreed on who it will be.”

“I don’t even have a say? And how long is the contract?”

“Six months at the most. As I said, we don’t want to scare off the female fans,” Pete winks at him. “And no, you don’t have a say. We decide what is best for your career. That's what we're here for, that's our job Louis. And you do yours. Sing, look good and act in love as soon as it’s public.”

Louis has to close his eyes for a moment to avoid completely freaking out and then signs his death warrant with a rigid expression. At least that's how it feels.

The real Louis Tomlinson is buried here. Gay. Dicks are the real deal. Period.

Instead, he now publicly leaves the building as a straight man, his heart heavy and he could not welcome the clouds more that let the rain pour down on him. This way no one sees his tears running down his cheeks.

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

It's already late. Hours have passed since the meeting and Louis still has doubts about whether it is all really worth it. To sell himself. Lying to his fans. To no longer be true to himself. Just to sell a few more records?

At first he thought about calling his mother and pouring out his heart to her, but he didn't do it for fear that she would be disappointed in him. The same thing happened to him with his friends. Here too he was afraid of the reactions. At some point he will have to confess it to them, he knows that, but at the moment it feels too fresh. Louis has to come to terms with it himself first and he just can't estimate how long it will take. At the moment it feels like he'll never come to terms with it.

Sighing, he steps out onto the balcony next to his bedroom, looks up at the dark sky, and contemplates the full moon as he lights a cigarette. The moonlight is a comforting beauty to the graphite night. As it is to the darkness in himself. 

If only he had a partner now. Not in public, no, because it would be sacrilegious to be gay, but here in private, sharing this sight with him, being held. Louis feels more alone than he ever has in his whole life. Is his person out there somewhere? Who is perhaps also staring at the sky at this very moment? Maybe feel just as alone? Do they already share this view and just don't know each other? What he wouldn't give to know if his romantic heart will find its match one day. What Louis usually covers up in front of others with wit and cheeky sayings becomes apparent in hours like these. 

Actually he only wants one thing. Friendship and love, ideally in one person.

With a heavy heart, he pulls his phone out of his pocket and opens his ao3 account where he posts all of his stories. While smoking, he wants to continue reading where he left off, to immerse himself in one of his worlds, away from this cruel reality that has opened up for him today.

But then he sees that he has a new comment and he quickly clicks on it, skims over it out of sheer excitement and then calmly reads it again. And again. Because this person wrote so much, put so much heart into it and Louis is so grateful for it. There's someone who loves his story as much as he does and it's the first real grin that crosses his face today.

InkHeartedDreamer:

I asked for a heartbreaking story - and I got one. Did I cry a lot? Maybe. Does it leave me with hope? Definitely. I read this in one go. I just couldn't put it down. I really loved how you described their friendship and the beginning of their love in the flashbacks. It helped to lighten the mood sometimes. But I also love how you didn't fear to write about this very difficult topic. It's so important and not talked about enough. So thank you. I really loved this fic. Even if it broke my heart over and over again. I still enjoyed the story and especially the outcome of the trial (even if I don't really think it's a realistic outcome. It's the one we're all hoping for but in reality, mostly they get away with it without or with not enough consequences). Thank you for writing this inspiring, heartbreaking, well written (I loved the smut btw), hopeful, amazing story <3

Louis bites his bottom lip, grinning, wondering how he can respond to this person who brightened one of his darkest days.

Chapter Text

Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.

-Harriet Tubman

Working out at 4 am isn't how he pictures his perfect day, but it seems to be his daily routine for at least the next few months now. 

“It's all about your looks. Your song is great, sure, but if we want to generate masses of fans quickly, then you have to be in even better shape and show it.”

Harry can't forget the words of his new manager Sam just after he signed the contract for the start of the career he always dreamed of. Being a singer and songwriter is all he wanted to be since he was a child and now at the age of 26 he finally made it. 

Or at least he, and everyone at his management and label, hopes so. Of course they don't know about it yet, given that his first single will only be released in a week. 

At least he already has some promotion appointments and on his release day he will even sing his song ‘Sign of the times’ on a TV show which is huge for a newcomer. He's already nervous about it and more motivated than ever to become perfect. Perfect voice, perfect looks, perfect attitude. 

His whole life, his mother told him to just be who he is and that people will love him when he does so, but he always cared too much about what people think and say about him. To avoid too many bad comments, Harry learned to be exactly as everyone wants him, but with it he put a lot of pressure on himself. 

Being perfect all the time is an exhausting balance act and mostly a mask. 

On the inside, he feels so many twisting emotions and often struggles to cope with them. 

His best working coping mechanism is reading fanfiction about his celebrity crush all day. On some days, when he found a really good fanfiction, Harry wouldn't put his phone down just to consume an angsty, heartbreaking story about Louis Tomlinson and some other guy, mostly Paolo Nutini. Just last night before he went to bed Harry found a promising story by 

BehindBlueEyes, an author he never heard of before but who already wrote several fanfictions about his favourite pairing. 

When he read the fanfiction’s summary it immediately caught his eye and he plans to read it today, which is a lofty goal given that it's about 130k long and Harry has some obligations today and shouldn't read all day. But it sounds just too good and by now Harry knows himself well enough to be realistic about it: If the story is as good as the summary promises, he will push everything aside just to read it. Sure, he can't cancel the phone call with his management today but aside from that everything else can wait until tomorrow. 

Everything but the obligatory work out which started ten minutes ago, even if Harry's head wasn't into it at all. 

His personal Trainer, Brad, already looks at him with raised eyebrows and Harry gets the feeling that he performed poorly during his warm up and even missed a few instructions. 

“Sorry, did you say something?” Harry asks in his apologetic voice, smiling and secretly checking Brad out, whose muscles are clearly visible beneath his tight clothes. His trainer is incredibly fit and good looking, of course Harry noticed that, but he’d still prefer the blue eyes, messy hair and cheeky smile of someone else. What if he even gets introduced to Louis Tomlinson sometime soon now that he's about to be a singer as well? Would he have a chance with him? 

Louis never confirmed his sexuality and has never been seen publicly with anyone, which Harry is incredibly thankful for, and he even waves around rainbow flags, so everyone assumes he's gay. 

What if he really is gay and then they meet at a red carpet or TV show or something like that and they just fall in love immediately? 

That would be a dream coming true. But would someone as beautiful as Louis even be interested in someone like Harry? Is he perfect enough for his attention? 

“You have to concentrate on your exercises, Harry,” Brad answers disappointed and shit, he lost his focus again. 

He just has to focus on exercising for one and a half hours and then he'll finally be free to go. He can do that. At least that's what he tells himself. 

“I know Brad. I'm really sorry. It's just so early and I think I wasn't really awake, but now I'll stay in the present and give you everything I have. Promise,” Harry answers and his words earn him a nod and a smile. 

And with that, Brad starts to torture him.

Harry grimaces as his personal trainer, a relentless force of motivation, pushes him through a gruelling series of exercises. 

Sweat drips down his face, muscles scream in protest, but he presses on, determined to conquer the pain. Each rep feels like a battle, and by the end, Harry's body begs for mercy, aching in protest of the intense workout.

The journey through the punishing workout with Brad is a symphony of sweat and strained muscles. The gym echoes with the rhythmic thud of weights hitting the floor and the muted hum of treadmills, creating a backdrop for the intense physical challenge that lies ahead.

The session began innocently enough with a warm-up, but as Harry's heart rate increased, he sensed the impending storm. 

Brad, a picture of unyielding determination, barks out commands that leave no room for negotiation. Each instruction is a call to action, a demand for Harry's body to defy its comfortable limits.

The first set of exercises targets his core, and as Harry engages his abdominal muscles, he can feel the burn intensify with every controlled crunch. Beads of sweat form on his forehead, a testament to the effort he is expanding. The trainer, relentless in his pursuit of excellence, adjusts the weights, pushing Harry to the brink.

Moving on to the weights section, Harry grapples with dumbbells that seem to have gained weight since his last visit. His personal trainer observes his struggle but offers no respite. 

"Just a few more reps," Brad insists, his encouragement both a source of motivation and a reminder of the ordeal ahead.

Cardio follows, a relentless assault on Harry's endurance. The treadmill's merciless pace matches the pounding of his heart, and with each step, he questions whether he can go on. Brad, however, remains steadfast, urging him to find strength in the discomfort.

By the time the cool-down arrives, Harry's body is a battleground of fatigue. Every muscle protests as he stretches and breathes through the last moments of the gruelling session. Brad, satisfied with the effort, compliments Harry on pushing through. At least he satisfied him. 

As Harry catches his breath and surveys the aftermath of his physical ordeal, a sense of accomplishment begins to emerge. Though his body may ache, he realises that each drop of sweat and every strained muscle was a testament to his dedication and will come handy with all the planned outfit where he will be half naked in public. 

With a nod of gratitude to his unwavering trainer, Harry limps away from the gym, knowing that he has conquered not only the weights but also the inner voice that whispered doubt throughout the challenging workout.

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

After having a long shower Harry goes directly to his kitchen to fetch himself some breakfast. Breakfast might not be the right term for it, given that he is currently on a diet and only has two options: Scrambled eggs with a green smoothie or a protein shake. 

After his long, exhausting workout Harry doesn't feel like either of that but there's nothing he can do about it. 

Involuntarily he thinks the words it is what it is which Louis Tomlinson wears inked on his chest. God, what would he give to see those letters with his own eyes. 

Shaking his head Harry decides for a protein shake. It's faster than his other option and Harry wants to finally start reading his new found story. 

Quickly Harry gathers his ingredients: protein powder and milk. He measures the protein powder, adds it to a blender, pours in the liquid, and blends until smooth. Finally, he pours the mixture into a glass and finally starts drinking his convenient and nutritious breakfast, searching for BehindBlueEyes’ story. 

He quickly searches the tags for anything that might put him off. Harry isn't triggered by many things, he even searches for difficult topics and angsty stories in particular but there are a few no go’s for him and he always needs to know that there will be a happy ending eventually. 

Without any problematic tags he reads the summary once again before he starts reading. 

Louis and Paolo have been best friends since childhood and lovers since they were 15. They can't imagine their lives without each other and yet that's exactly what they both have to cope with when Paolo is allowed to do a year's internship abroad. Both initially believe they can manage it but everything suddenly crumbles and neither of them knows how to hold on to the other.

While Paolo suddenly has a rising career ahead of him, Louis slips into an abusive relationship after their break up without realising it.

But what happens when Paolo comes back and stands in front of Louis again after years of separation? And how do you deal with it when you still love the other person as much as you did from the beginning?

Relieved he realises that the story still catches his interest and that he's still eager to read it. Harry is always really careful with the pre-reading process to make sure the story is something he finds interesting. 

Putting his now empty glass into the dishwasher Harry's eyes already start flying over the first words of the new fanfiction on his phone. 

He soon goes back to his couch and reads there, snuggled up in his favourite fluffy blanket. 

It doesn't take long for Harry to be completely involved in the storyline. 

Harry reads with intense focus, his eyes scanning each line as if unravelling a mystery. He absorbs the words with a keen curiosity, often immersing himself completely in the narrative, occasionally pausing to reflect on the nuances of the story.

After only three chapters he decides that the author must be a genius. Their way to describe everything and especially the emotions is just incredible and Harry has already decided to read every single fanfiction posted by BehindBlueEyes. 

As Harry delves into the fanfiction, minutes seem to stretch into hours, the outside world fading away. Time loses its grip as he immerses himself in the captivating chapters, each moment spent in the fictional realm expanding into a rich tapestry of experiences, making the hours slip by unnoticed.

He only notices how late it already is when his phone rings with a call from management, which means it must be 2 pm and he didn't do anything productive after his workout session this morning. 

It might sound crazy but Harry feels incredibly good about the fact that he spent the day in his own world. This way he's more relaxed than usual when he picks up the phone and connects the call. 

“Hello Sam, how are you?” Harry says as a greeting, still struggling to find back to reality. 

“Harry, save the hypocritical pleasantries. I'm not your friend and you're not mine. I don't care about things like that at all.”

Harry rolls his eyes. He was raised to be kind so for him personally those ‘ pleasantries’ are actually important. But fine, if Sam doesn't want it, he'll try to keep it to a minimum. 

“With me are Sandra and Thomas. We just had a meeting about you and our strategies to make a star out of you. As you know you're already booked for several radio and TV shows which is great, but not enough to put you in the spotlight,” Sam explains and when he takes a break Harry says, “Isn't that what my music is for?”

When he hears three different laughs on the other end of the line, Harry closes his eyes and shakes his head in disbelief. His music doesn't seem to count at all. 

“Oh Harry dear,” Sandra says, taking over for Sam, who's still laughing. “Your music is good and your voice is amazing but there are thousands of artists like you out there and they all have one thing in common: They don't make it in the business. You need more to become famous. The music is important, but not as important as looks and image. Fortunately, you already look exactly like the man everyone wants. I mean I wouldn't say no if you stood in front of me naked.”

He's sure that statement counts as sexual assault but he won't comment on it, deciding to just forget about the last part. 

“So we made a plan for the image part. We need you to be in every gossip magazine after your debut song is released. Even if the story is about something entirely different, they'll all point out that you're a newcomer and just released your first single. And just like that we create a huge audience,” Thomas explains enthusiastically. 

To be honest, it does make sense to Harry but he isn't keen about articles in gossip magazines and would prefer a slower growth instead. 

He knows there's no point arguing though so he asks, “And what's the plan?” 

It's Sam who takes over again as he answers, “It's easy, really. We called some of our contacts, all exclusive ones of course, and over the next few weeks you'll go to several celebrity parties. I don't care what exactly you do there but I want you to be seen with several different female celebrities. There will be pap-” 

“We talked about this,” Harry interrupts. “No closeting. We even included it in my contract.” 

“Harry, that's not what this is at all. Trust me,” Sam says and Harry needs to fight a contemptuous snort. It's exactly like that and when he rolls his eyes again he's thankful that they can't see him. 

“We don't say anything about your sexuality at all. Let them dream, men and women. But you often look feminine so you'll just stick to female celebrities for now.” 

“Okay. So you want me to get papped with them doing what exactly?” Harry asks, barely able to hold back his annoyance towards all of it. 

“I honestly don't give a shit,” Sam says. “Just be your charming self and lull them all in. We want you to become everyone's darling. The kind, sexy new pop star who everyone is interested in, even women who are in the business for ages. You'll always say you're single though even if there are speculations about you dating a couple of them. Just be lovable and available. It should be easy for you, since you already are everyone’s darling. Your looks and voice will do the rest when everyone's talking about you.”

Harry isn't able to hold back anymore and for the rest of the phone call his frustration is evident in the clipped tone of his voice as he converses with management, an undertone of annoyance colouring his every word. Of course, there's no point arguing. Management will get exactly what they want because ‘they know best what's good for his career’. 

“Alright. Then we've got that settled. My assistant will send you your updated calendar, Harry. Keep in mind that your stylist will come over one hour early for each party. And don't be complicated about it and just let her choose what you wear. She's the professional here,” Sam concludes and Harry is about to burst into tears of anger. 

His single is not even out yet and he already is reduced to looks and charm and becomes a doll for his management, someone to push around. 

At least nothing of this is included in his contract so he does still have a little control over his life. Harry knows he doesn't have to do it, knows they’d still release his music and would just drop him when he isn't successful enough but he still decides to go with their plan for now. Being nice to people and becoming friends with women always came easy to him, so it shouldn't be a problem at all. 

He can still be himself and that's the most important part. 

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

With the weariness of the management call lingering, Harry seeks solace in the pages of his new favourite fanfiction. As he settles into the cocoon of his preferred reading nook on his couch, the soft glow of his phone illuminates the room.

Thankfully, already the first sentence draws him in, and the troubles of the last hour gradually fades away.

The characters, especially Louis, in the fanfiction become his temporary companions, and the intricacies of their fictional lives envelop him. Each paragraph is a step away from the corporate world and a stride into a universe where creativity reigns supreme. 

Every now and then, he catches himself picturing himself with Louis instead of Paolo. What would he give to be Louis' first love and the one who saves him and make him happy again? 

In this literary escape, Harry discovers a sanctuary free from the demands of his professional life. The fanfiction weaves a tapestry of imagination, its words a balm for his frayed nerves. As he turns the virtual pages, the room transforms into a realm where image issues and business calls hold no sway.

The escape into fanfiction is a cherished interlude, a brief respite from the real-world demands. 

With each chapter, Harry finds himself rejuvenated, grateful for the power of storytelling to transport him to places where the only stress is wondering what will happen next in the captivating tales before him.

He doesn't put his phone down again. Instead of eating lunch or dinner, he just grabs a banana and cucumber and snacks on them while reading.

When he finishes the story it's already dark outside and Harry takes a moment to think about the masterpiece he just read. 

It always amazes him how someone can put something like that on paper. Writing a short story, a poem or a song seems to be easy compared to something like that. 

Stepping out on his balcony to get some fresh air, Harry looks up at the moon and thinks about who BehindBlueEyes might be and how much of this story actually portrays them.  

Looking down at his phone he decides to leave a comment. It's the least he can do to show how much the story means to him. 

At first he just types out a ‘I loved it’. It's simple and Harry often uses that line for comments. His finger hovers over the comment button but he can't bring himself to press down on it. 

A story as beautiful and heartbreaking as this one deserves better. In fact, a comment isn't even enough in his opinion but it's the only thing he can do. He should at least write a personal comment on a story that means so much to him that he already plans on reading it again. 

Harry settles into the chair on his balcony, bathed in the soft glow of moonlight. With a contented sigh, he concentrates on his phone, fingers poised above the keys. The glow of the screen illuminates his intent expression as he carefully crafts a comment, sharing his thoughts on his newfound favourite fanfiction. Each keystroke is deliberate, a testament to the impact the story has had on him. The distant hum of the city fades as he immerses himself in the act of expressing appreciation, the balcony becoming a haven for both reader and wordsmith.

When he finishes his comment Harry takes his time to read over it again before sending it, making sure it sounds how he intends it to be. 

InkHeartedDreamer:

I asked for a heartbreaking story - and I got one. Did I cry a lot? Maybe. Does it leave me with hope? Definitely. I read this in one go. I just couldn't put it down. I really loved how you described their friendship and the beginning of their love in the flashbacks. It helped to lighten the mood sometimes. But I also love how you didn't fear to write about this very difficult topic. It's so important and not talked about enough. So thank you. I really loved this fic. Even if it broke my heart over and over again. I still enjoyed the story and especially the outcome of the trial (even if I don't really think it's a realistic outcome. It's the one we're all hoping for but in reality, mostly they get away with it without or with not enough consequences). Thank you for writing this inspiring, heartbreaking, well written (I loved the smut btw), hopeful, amazing story <3

He finally hits send and takes his time to go through the other fics written by BehindBlueEyes, already deciding which one he'll read next. He won't start today though or he'll never go to bed. 

With a contemplative gaze, he tilts his head upward, eyes tracing the silvery orb in the night sky. The cool breeze carries a hint of nighttime freshness, tousling his hair as he finds solace in the silent companionship of the moon. It's a quiet interlude, a personal communion with the celestial, and Harry lingers, lost in the gentle dance between shadows and moonbeams.

Chapter Text

It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light.

-Aristotle

Cuddled up under his blanket, he reads InkHeartedDreamer's comment several more times, keeps smiling at his phone display, which serves as the only source of light in his dark bedroom, and he finally decides to respond to the lovely comment. Even though he has reread it so many times, it doesn't lose the impact of how it makes him feel, almost like a hug of words. A cocoon of letters in which he buries himself, feels valued and can't quite believe that they really mean his story. That Louis can really touch people with his fantasy, often something he can't quite grasp. He doesn't even know exactly why this comment stands out so much, but it's more than the usual "I loved your story, thank you!" ... even if that of course makes him happy too.

And so Louis starts writing.

BehindBlueEyes:

I had to smile just now because you said that the many years in prison were unrealistic. Please read this article: Click here. I l owered my years in prison for Jake because I thought no one would believe me 28 anyway 😅 Although, yes of course you are right and many get away without nothing or with less, but I wanted everything I could get for Louis AND for us 😊 Thank you so much for your kind words and for sharing how you felt, especially with such a heavy story/topic. I apologise for your heartbreak and your tears but I'm still glad you enjoyed it and left you with hope ♥️

A look at the clock reveals that it is almost midnight and Louis' eyes are actually heavy and he should finally sleep. Only then does he realise that today was the 28th. He snorts and lets out a bitter, short laugh. What was otherwise his lucky number and he made the number his entire personality was apparently the complete opposite today.

What actually happened today comes to the fore again. What he willingly signed. Louis feels the self-doubt taking over him again, suddenly loud in his head in the quiet of the night. He weighs his decision again and again. Was it right - was it wrong?

He burrows deeper into his blanket and, sighing, decides not to think about it anymore, pushing away any further thoughts that arise. Because in the end it will only become apparent in the future.

And yet his imagination runs wild, no matter how much he just wants to sleep. Just forget this nagging feeling inside him for a few hours. Maybe in a year he will be playing on bigger stages and pursuing his passion. How many fans will then shout his songs at him? How many albums will he have sold and how high will his streams be? Will he be happy? Or just a shell of himself, looking straight and hopefully just done one stunt that he's long since forgotten? How high will the price be that he has to pay with his hoped-for rising career? What other ideas does management come up with?

So many unanswered questions and Louis doesn't have a single answer to them.

September 28th is a date that will stay in his mind, that's for sure. Of course because of the contract he signed today and whose paper bears these numbers. On the other hand, also because of the comment on his story. Maybe he will remember this one in a year or the many others after that. His little piece of sunshine in a rain cloud of doubt.

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

Louis wakes up the next morning completely exhausted, the ringing of his phone that wakes him from his already restless sleep and groaning. He reaches for his phone with one hand while he rubs his eyes with the other, which are fighting against the bright light from outside and he has difficulty opening them.

“Yes?” he murmurs as he answers the call.

“Louis! I have news,” Pete calls out to him and suddenly Louis is wide awake.

He clears his throat quickly and braces himself for the news, which he already suspects is nothing he will like. “Okay and which one?”

“We reached an agreement today with Florence Pugh’s management. Your PR stunt starts literally now. We have no time to lose. You're meeting for dinner this evening. The paparazzi have been called and will be waiting in front of the entrance to the restaurant. I'll send you all the details by email right away, including when you and Florence will be picked up. You two appear in front of the restaurant in one car and make sure you look newly in love for the photos. There won't be any paparazzi in the restaurant itself, but they will still be there when you come out again. Same thing here – you’re absolutely in love.”

Pete’s voice sounds positively excited while Louis’ stomach churls. Yes, he had played Danny Zuko from Grease in a performance back in his school days, but at this moment he doesn't really know whether he can show off his acting skills here. Back then it was a simple performance, this one goes on for months. Louis will not only play a role but will fool his fans - as well as himself. And he urgently needs to talk to his family and friends, otherwise they will be caught completely by surprise. Louis had hoped to have a few more days to prepare himself mentally. But he doesn't seem to be able to do that and for the first time Pete seems to be really involved in pushing his career.

"For how long?" is the only thing he's able to ask, his voice croaky.

“First for three months. Florence's management wants to see how it affects her career. But otherwise both parties are willing to extend the contract,” Pete explains.

“Both parties? I do not belong to it. I already hate it. Is it really necessary?” Louis interjects, feeling close to tears. He should have at least thought about it for a day instead of signing it yesterday. He feels so stupid at this moment.

Pete sighs audibly. “Louis, stop being difficult. It's all for your career. A few weeks ago you literally begged for us to help you get bigger in the business. I find it more than ungrateful that you argue like a little boy in a fit of tantrum. The contracts have been signed and we will also benefit from it when you finally bring in more money.”

“I'm not a little stubborn boy! I'm a grown man that you're turning into a straight puppet," Louis exclaims angrily.

“And you agreed to it. You handled the pen yourself when you signed your signature yesterday. And if you're a grown man, finally act like one. Or maybe you should let off some steam and bring a man home. God, you’re really tiring.”

Not only does the fact that he hears his manager rolling his eyes make Louis open his mouth in outrage, but also that he basically advises him that he should have sex to be more balanced. The nerves!

Before Louis completely freaks out, he prefers to take a moment to close his eyes and struggles to compose himself.

“Send me the details,” he hisses only and hangs up without further ado.

“Fuck!” he screams and pulls his blanket over his head, wanting to stay buried under it forever. Or go back in time, shake yesterday's Louis hard by the shoulders and yell at him not to sign it.

After a while his breathing returns to normal and he tries to talk himself down. It is what it is. He signed it, he will hopefully reap the rewards of all this soon and it was a small hurdle that he had to overcome in hindsight. Everything is fucking peachy.

Annoyed by this whole situation, he jumps out of bed, quickly throws on a shirt and reaches for his pack of cigarettes on his bedside table. With bare feet and bare legs he steps onto the balcony and stretches his face towards the sun with his eyes closed, trying to recharge his batteries from the first early rays of sunshine, the last ones before autumn and winter bring with them the dark season. And if that doesn't symbolise perfectly how Louis will go in the next few months.

Before he loses himself in his anger again at himself and the management, he fishes a cigarette out of the pack and sits down on his lounger.

First he takes a few hasty puffs before he relaxes and then opens the emails on his phone. As expected, he already finds the announced email from Pete but also two emails from ao3 informing him that he has two new comments on his stories.

He ignores Pete's email without further ado and opens his account instead.

Both comments are again from the user who had already made him smile yesterday. Just like now again.

InkHeartedDreamer:

Thanks for the article. It was very interesting. 👍

Is the simple answer to his own message he sent them last night.

But the next comment is on his other story, a little oneshot that Louis wrote when he was live streaming a concert by Paolo Nutini and he was in a real gay panic when he entered the stage wearing a tank top. His wanking session afterwards wasn't enough and Louis simply had to write a little story about it.

InkHeartedDreamer :

Loved it <3 We are blessed with all those Tank Tops on tour this year. Oh my god

Oh does that mean that InkHeartedDreamer might even be a fan of Paolo themself? How wild would that be? Louis could perhaps write to this person about it and freak out together. But it would probably be strange to force himself on this person, and what's more, he has trouble revealing his true identity and in general - what is Louis actually thinking about? This is just someone reading his stories and leaving nice comments. Probably the last one anyway and he'll never hear from them again.

Louis shakes his mouth at himself, takes another drag of his cigarette and then his finger clicks quickly on the reply button and he writes an answer.

BehindBlueEyes:

Thank you and yes, we really are. Paolo spoils us 🔥

Then he clicks back to his emails, skims through Pete's and looks at the clock. He still has eight hours to go before he takes on the role of his life.

With the corners of his mouth turned downwards, he stubs out his cigarette, then, emotionally and physically tired, he trudges back in and throws himself back onto his bed. He stares at his ceiling for a moment before dialling his mother's number.

It doesn't take long until she answers and he immediately smiles at the sound of her voice.

“Hello my boy, how nice to hear from you,” she chirps happily.

“Hi mum,” Louis breathes and what he would give to sink into her arms now. No matter how old he is, a hug from his mother is always what cheers him up. Now a conversation with her will have to be enough.

"Oh - what's wrong?" she asks, suddenly sounding more serious.

And Louis laughs quietly. “How did you guess so quickly that something is wrong?”

“I have carried you under my heart, you are my son. I know you inside and out. Your voice gave you away immediately. So tell me, what happened?”

Louis sighs and can barely get the words out of his mouth. "I... I'm afraid that you're disappointed... Um... with my decision that I already regret."

“Louis, I could never be disappointed in you. Unless you commit a crime, of course. You haven't committed a crime, have you?" she asks and her voice sounds reprimanding towards the end, so that Louis laughs quietly again.

“No… I just sold my soul. To Pete and management. I signed a contract yesterday,” Louis sighs.

“What kind of contract?” his mother asks.

“About the fact that I am now straight for the public. Tonight I'm going out with Florence Pugh and pretending that I'm in love with her. It’s supposed to boost my career.”

Silence. Absolute silence and Louis' heart pounding wildly in his chest.

“Mum, say something,” Louis whispers.

But she just starts laughing and Louis is left amazed. “Oh God, are they serious? All your fans wave the rainbow flags with you. You have a song that's more than gay and is called Only the Brave. And they really want you to sell as straight?”

“That was my argument too. At least that with the flags. But yes, they think it's the perfect plan and after some time I can be single again. A straight single. Who attracts the hearts of many girls they all hope for a chance with me," Louis says ironically, which only causes his mother to burst into a fit of giggles.

“Don’t they know that most of your fan base is gay?” she says between laughs. “I've been to your concerts often enough. Do you actually know how many of the gay couples in the back kiss to your songs? It's very sweet every time. Your management is so stupid. And you a bit too, Louis. I don’t think that’s the right way.”

Louis also has to chuckle quietly. “Oh I’m definitely stupid mum. But in the end I have to do it now. It was just important to me that you know. Do you tell the rest of the family too? I'm assuming you'll receive NDAs from Pete, it can't come out that I'm gay. So don’t be surprised, right?”

"Oh, I haven't been surprised about anything since you got into the music business, Louis," Jay says and he hears the smile in her voice. “I’ll tell the rascals, don’t worry. Are you otherwise okay?”

“Yeah, other than that, I’m fine. And the stunt will be over at some point. As long as you’re not disappointed… that was important to me.”

“No sweetie, I’m still proud of you. And sometimes you have to take unconventional paths to achieve your dream. I hope that this really gives you more success because you don’t deserve anything else,” she answers lovingly.

“Thanks mum,” Louis whispers.

Afterwards they both chat a bit about news from their circle of friends and what new gossip there is from Doncaster until they hang up.

With his stomach growling, he gets up from his bed for the second time that day and pads into the kitchen. A quick bowl of Choco Pops and a cup of tea become his breakfast, with which he collapses onto his sofa.

A quick message in his friends' group chat telling them the news and then Louis does the only thing that feels right at that moment. Spending the next few hours writing.

Immerse himself in the latest story he is writing. In a world that only consists of love and romance. Exactly the refuge Louis needs now. His own character in there is so close to his own self only that Louis in the story is a lot happier when it comes to love and of course Paolo serves as another character again.

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

His hands knead nervously in his lap and he looks out the car window, almost numb. The driver of the car that picked him up has long since given up making small talk with him after Louis only gave monosyllabic answers.

At this moment everything just feels too much. Not only does he have to look in love for the paparazzi, but he also now realises that he has Florence Pugh next to him in a moment. He has seen a few of her films, knows how esteemed she is as an actress and yet he doesn't know her. Will she perhaps even hate him personally for having to take such a stunt? Or does she not understand Louis' problem at all because it is the easiest thing in the world for her? What should he say to her in the restaurant? Should he just hold her hand or is a kiss even necessary? It all just makes Louis uncomfortable and he feels downright sick. He certainly won't be able to eat a single bite in the restaurant.

Suddenly he remembers that Pete had requested that he get in touch with his fans. And because he needs an outlet for his raging feelings anyway, he takes his phone out of his pocket and opens Twitter. 

Louis Tomlinson

Calm before the storm

It's more for himself than for his fans and he knows they can't really do anything with it. But that's exactly what he feels at this moment.

This calm in the car is oppressive, as is the certainty of what is about to happen to him. Especially since the car slows down and then stops in front of a house and he immediately sees how rich the actress is.

The next moment the door opens and Florence slides into the back seat next to him.

Warm brown eyes smiling at him as well as a full mouth, red lipstick highlighting the elegance of the black tight dress she is wearing.

“Hi boyfriend,” she winks at him and then offers him her hand.

And Louis likes her straight away. With her open, cheeky nature she makes it possible for him to feel easier. With a wry grin, he shakes her hand as the car starts moving again to take them both to the restaurant.

“Hi girlfriend. I’m Louis,” he smiles. “And I'm sorry that you're trapped in such a stupid contract because of me. Please don’t hate me.”

Florence withdraws her hand and laughs quietly. "Nonsense. I don't hate you, if anyone knows how show business works it's me. Let's have a good time okay? May I ask why we are doing this? Do you need to cover up a scandal? Or just for more sales of your albums? By the way, I listened to your music and I like it. You are very talented."

“I'm gay,” Louis deadpans.

“Hah, of course,” she laughs bitterly, making Louis raise his eyebrows in surprise. “It’s always the same shit. By the way, I don't label myself, but I'm not straight. A thorn in the side of my management, which is why your management offer was a perfect fit for mine.”

“I hate them all for it. We don’t live in the fucking Middle Ages anymore!” Louis exclaims.

Florence nods and rolls her eyes. “Tell that to the fuckers.”

Louis starts giggling. “Oh my God, I think this can be better than expected. I like you."

“I really like you too. Okay, here's my plan. You get out first and hold the door open for me like a gentleman and lay an arm around my waist. I'll give you a kiss on the cheek as a thank you and then, my friend, comes the best part of the evening. We fill our stomachs at the expense of management. And believe me, I will order the most expensive wine the restaurant has!”

“And then we toast to how shitty everyone is. Except the two of us. We two are great,” Louis grins cheekily and they both clasp their hands together.

“A man after my pleasure. I couldn’t have had a better fake boyfriend,” Florence twitches her eyebrows.

And because Louis suddenly feels a lot lighter, the smile he gives her is radiant. "Ditto. World’s best fake girlfriend.”

And thus seals the beginning of their friendship. Just like the mischievous smile that they both exchange.

Chapter Text

Reading is essential for those who seek to rise above the ordinary.

- Jim Rohn

Allowing himself to fully immerse himself in fanfiction again, Harry soon feels obsessed with BehindBlueEyes’ next story and pushes everything else away once again. 

This time, he chose one of the popular ones, ‘Paparazzi’, not because it has many clicks and comments but because the tags make the story sound a little lighter than the first one and maybe he'll cry less. 

He already knows which story to read next and this one will be heavy again, really heavy he would guess. 

After waking up and reading the replies from BehindBlueEyes with a huge smile on his face, Harry went to his workout session again and this time decided to take his time to eat some eggs afterwards.

Today's story is a little shorter so he feels like he has enough time to at least eat some proper food today. 

Already dreading today's photo shoot, Harry opens the already downloaded story on his phone and dives into it. 

Just as last time it doesn't take long for Harry to fully lose himself in the story about Louis and Paolo, an entirely different one but just as good as the first one. It feels like he doesn't need anything else anymore. Just his phone and the words BehindBlueEyes has written down. 

Spending all morning in his own little world and forgetting about everything else again, Harry startles when his doorbell rings. A look at the time tells him that it's most likely his driver, it's almost time for his photo shoot. 

It's a photo shoot for the RollingStone magazine and when Harry first heard about it, Harry was amazed and instantly called his mum to celebrate with his family. The RollingStone is the only magazine Harry always buys, apart from Vogue , which he enjoys just as much but where he most likely never has a chance to do a photo shoot for, and starting his career with an article in the RollingStone magazine just feels surreal. His management didn't want to tell him how they got him into it even before the official release of his debut song, but Harry honestly doesn't care. 

Even if his single flops and he'll never make it, he will always have the article in his favourite magazine about him. 

Thinking about the day he heard the news for the first time, Harry gets excited again and storms to the door to find his driver on the other side, looking down at his watch impatiently. 

“Harry, there you are. Nice to see you man. I thought they told you to be ready and outside when I arrive, the fuckers probably forgot. The traffic is crazy today, so we have to hurry,” Christopher says, smiling but obviously stressed. 

Sam always sends the same driver since he's part of the team and Harry honestly likes him the most. 

Christopher is easy to be around, talking when he feels that Harry needs a distraction and being silent when he is lost in thought or just not in the mood for it. 

“Sorry. I think it's my fault this time. I simply lost track of time. I'll be with you in a second,” Harry answers and already puts on his shoes and jacket.

It doesn't really matter how he looks now since he gets his hair and make up done for his photo shoot anyway.

Today is a silent car ride. Christopher only asked Harry why he looks down at his phone smiling brightly and when he told him he's in the middle of a great book, Christopher smiles and keeps his mouth shut for the rest of the ride. 

Seated in the back of the car, Harry's gaze remains fixed on the glow of his phone screen. Oblivious to the city unfolding outside, he delves into the fanfiction, each word weaving a spell that transports him far from the confines of the car, his surroundings fading into insignificance.

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

Getting his hair and make up done Harry jokes around with everyone and just stops smiling when his manager Sam arrives and tells him to take this photo shoot more seriously. 

“It's important Harry, so grow up and let everyone do their job unbothered,” he says using a voice Harry only knows from teachers. The bad kind of teacher, not the nice, cool one. 

Sighing he keeps his mouth shut and just listens to the conversations around him until he's ready for the photo shoot. 

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

Amidst the buzz of the photo shoot, Harry finds himself in a wardrobe filled with fashion-forward choices. Opting for a bold statement, he slips into a tailored blue jeans onesie that seamlessly combines denim sophistication with casual flair and is open at the front so that he can show off his muscles and tattoos. The onesie's sleek lines accentuate his frame, and its deep shade contrasts against the vibrant background -a meadow and a lake- chosen for the shoot.

As the photographer's lens captures each moment, Harry effortlessly transitions between poses, embodying a fusion of laid-back charm and magnetic confidence. The onesie becomes a canvas, mirroring the dynamic energy emanating from the artist.

In another set of images, Harry takes a departure from the onesie, embracing a different aesthetic. Now adorned in just a small white short, Harry is thankful for all the training his management makes him do. 

The photographer skillfully captures these contrasting moments, weaving together a visual narrative that transcends fashion. The blue jeans onesie and the minimalistic white short become symbols in the visual tapestry of Harry's artistic expression, each click of the camera immortalising a facet of his multifaceted persona for the iconic pages of RollingStone.

“Well done Harry, you're a natural. If music doesn't work out, you should try to model in the fashion industry,” the photographer tells him with a wink when they finish the shoot and have a first look at the pictures together. 

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

Back home and finally free to do whatever he likes, Harry continues reading. 

Perched on his couch at home, Harry becomes absorbed in the captivating world of BehindBlueEyes' fanfiction on his phone. Again. With each scroll, the narrative unfolds like a spellbinding tapestry, and he finds himself entangled in the characters' lives. The cosy ambiance of his living room becomes a backdrop to the vivid imagery painted by the author's words.

Harry's focus intensifies, oblivious to the passing time, as the story's twists and turns draw him deeper. The hum of everyday life fades away, leaving only the glow of the screen and the allure of the digital tale. The phone becomes a portal, transporting him to a realm where imagination reigns supreme. Lost in the literary embrace, Harry's surroundings vanish, and the only reality that remains is the one woven within the lines of the fanfiction.

He only stops reading when he gets a notification that Louis Tomlinson tweeted something, which is always something Harry has to check out immediately. 

Clicking on the notification he directly opens the tweet and stops in confusion. 

Louis Tomlinson

Calm before the storm

What does that mean? It doesn't sound good and doesn't make sense at all. What is there to come? Is it new music or even a tour he'll announce soon? Or does he mean a storm as something bad, like bad news or something? 

Irritated, Harry reads the tweet over and over again and even dives into the replies where everyone tries to figure out what Louis wants to tell them. 

Sighing, he dives into the last few chapters of his fanfiction again while he snacks a banana because he forgot to eat again today. 

How is he even able to survive without a babysitter? Harry should really try to at least give his body the nutrition it needs to build muscle and keep him healthy. He'll do just that after finishing the story, he decides, feeling his stomach ache with hunger but sticking to his plan. 

Fanfiction is more important after all, especially when it's as well written and beautiful as the one he reads now. 

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

It's around 7 pm when Harry finishes the story with a huge smile on his face, feeling satisfied and already eager to write a comment for BehindBlueEyes. 

After a day immersed in the fanfiction's world, Harry, still seated on the couch, transitions from reader to participant. 

Fingers dancing on the phone's keyboard, he crafts a comment that echoes his emotional journey through the narrative. Each keystroke is deliberate, conveying his appreciation for the author's storytelling prowess and the impact the characters had on him. The soft glow of the phone illuminates his intent expression as he carefully chooses words to express gratitude, admiration, and perhaps a touch of lingering excitement. 

In this moment of connection, the boundaries between reader and creator blur, as Harry contributes his thoughts to the digital tapestry woven by the fanfiction community.

When he hits the comment button, Harry already looks forward to the answer of the author themselves. Getting in touch with an author and sometimes having a look inside their head is always the best part when writing a comment after finishing a fanfiction and this author in particular just makes Harry want to communicate. He doesn't know why but ever since their last reply, Harry is eager to talk to them. 

InkHeartedDreamer:

Awwww... <3

After "Calm after the storm" I really needed a little fluff. (Okay, at first I got some smut with "Tank Tops and a Phone call" but a one shot simply isn't the same, even if I enjoyed it very much).

So, this is the third of your fics I've read and I'm still amazed. I love your stories, the very different topics and especially your writing Style. It's just amazing.

So I think I'll read more of your stories (not all, I think, I really don't like the Alpha/Omega trope). But I'm really looking forward to more stories from you.

As to this one: I really love how Louis is protective over Paolo and fights for him. And the idea of him creating the update account... just perfect. I loved how some things felt like it's in real life. Like the hints and the fans being better than the FBI 😂

And of course the ending was gorgeous. ❤️

Did you realise you missed the opportunity to make this 28 chapters long? That was a close call here. Would have been great.

But, as I said, I really enjoyed this fic.

Thank you for writing it ❤️

Harry looks down at his comment, hoping for a quick reply. 

To kill some time he walks into his kitchen, trying to find something to eat. Something that's healthy but still tastes good. 

He soon decides on chicken breast and broccoli since it's easy to prepare and good for his body. 

With a deft hand, he seasons the chicken breast, infusing it with a medley of spices that dance together in harmony. The sizzle of the pan greets each piece of chicken as it meets the heat, golden hues emerging.

As the chicken cooks to succulent perfection, Harry turns his attention to the broccoli, a verdant counterpart in the culinary symphony. With precision, he trims and steams the broccoli, preserving its vibrant green and ensuring a crisp yet tender bite.

The kitchen becomes a stage where flavours mingle, and Harry orchestrates the final act. Plating the seared chicken beside the vibrant broccoli, he creates a balanced meal, which hopefully tastes as good as it smells. 

He eats in front of the TV, watching YouTube videos of Louis Tomlinson interviews. Of course he already knows every single one of them, but Louis' accent is captivating and Harry could spend every second of every day listening to his voice and looking at him. He's a person he just wants to admire all day even if it's just on a video. 

He isn't even sure if he wants to see him in person because Harry knows he would be staring and probably lose all his words over the sight of him. God, those blue eyes and cheekbones would drive him crazy and when he gets to see that ass he'll most likely never look away again. 

When it's just after 9 pm and he still hasn't got an answer, Harry decides to go to bed to get some sleep before his next work out session in the morning. 

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

His alarm wakes him up at 4 am and Harry would love to just turn around and sleep a couple of hours more, which is not possible because he has an unbearably motivated personal trainer waiting for him. 

A look at his phone reveals something entirely different, an explanation for Louis Tomlinson's latest post on twitter, something that leaves him in a foul mood instantly. 

All over the internet are pictures of Louis and a woman, looking madly in love in each picture. It's easy to find out who the woman is -Florence Pugh- and after reading some of the comments he's completely confused. 

Some people assume it could be a stunt but most of the fans see it as something real, as him telling them that he has a girlfriend now. 

For all Harry knew Louis was gay, or at least that's what he assumed when Louis raised pride flags at his concerts and when he gave some interviews where he never confirmed anything, of course, but talked like he's part of the LGBTQIA+ community. 

Harry really hopes it's not a stunt to make him look straight because they don't need another closeted singer in this world. On the other hand, he doesn't want Louis to have a girlfriend. A boyfriend, fine, he could live with that, as long as Louis is happy, but a girlfriend somehow doesn't fit and Harry refuses to believe that his favourite singer is straight. Maybe he's bisexual or pan? That could be an explanation for it that doesn't ruin everything Harry thought he knew about Louis. 

What if it's really a stunt, just like in ‘Paparazzi' and Louis doesn't even want this but was stupid enough to sign a contract and now has to act straight for cameras? 

It happens, Harry knows it for a fact since his management tried to make him do just that at the beginning. 

Frustrated, he glares at the pictures one last time before getting up and going to the gym. 

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

It's almost 7 am when Harry finally comes back home again. 

Today's workout session felt like hell. His muscles ache from the last training days and his lack of motivation made Brad turn into a slave driver who didn't show any mercy. 

On his way back Harry already started the next fanfiction he's already really hyped about. It's not an easy read and not as popular as ‘Paparazzi', but the topic of ‘Holding on to Heartache’ just speaks to him personally. 

Harry has had some really rough times in his past as well after being bullied in school and feeling like he's not worth anything and doesn't deserve to live. Fortunately, he's in a better headspace now, but reading the fanfiction he instantly feels a connection with Louis. 

With a protein shake in hand Harry sits down at his favourite reading spot again and stops reading for a second when he gets a new mail. 

When he sees a notification that BehindBlueEyes replied to his comment he becomes excited and without wasting another second, Harry opens it. 

BehindBlueEyes:  

Oh thank you for your comment. You don't know how much you make me smile every time. Thank you so much for the time you invest in words for me ♥️

I'm glad you enjoyed Paparazzi!

Out of curiosity, why don't you like abo? I couldn't do anything with it at first either because I didn't understand it but now I love it, alone this pure form of love 🥺

Otherwise you still have four of mine. My personal favourite is ‚I’m with you‘ btw (nobody asked, i know 😅) I'll have another one online on October 11th and I'm currently writing a Christmas fic.

Oh and yes, the 28 chapters... I only realised that when another reader mentioned it. Too bad 😅

Grinning down at his phone Harry sits down to type out a reply immediately, feeling eager to dive into a real conversation with the author he knows nothing of. 

Reading ‘I'm with you’ next wasn't his original plan but he'll have a look at it again before he starts a new story, that's for sure. If it's the author's favourite, ‘I’m with you’ must be really good, which doesn't mean anything because the author has to be a genius, writing one addictive story after another. 

Grinning, Harry types out his reply. 

InkHeartedDreamer:

You're welcome! I'm glad I can give back a little joy to you. See It as my weak attempt to thank you for all those stories ❤️

I can't really explain. Some time ago, I really liked it. But then, out of nowhere, I just didn't enjoy it anymore. So I stopped reading it. Maybe I will try it again because of you. But before that, I have a few left. 😜

I only started "Holding on to heartache" an hour ago, but I keep in mind that "I'm with you" is your personal favourite. Maybe I read that tomorrow 🙈

I can't wait for the Christmas fic. I'm a huge Christmas lover 🎄

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

Harry is already way too invested in ‘Holding on to Heartache' when he gets a new reply a few hours later. He stops to read it quickly and with a huge smile on his face but can't make himself reply to it because he doesn't want to waste any more time, having to know how the story he's currently reading develops. 

BehindBlueEyes:

Oh, that would honour me if you tried again because of me 🥺 But no pressure, reading should be fun and if it's no longer for you, then so be it.

Holding on to heartache is also dear to my heart. I hope you like it just as much.

As you can tell, I like to write angsty and (hopefully) realistic things. My Christmas fic is pure fluff and is a whole new experience. Can't wait to share it with you all.

He'll communicate further with BehindBlueEyes after finishing this story because he has a lot to say to it. It's definitely his favourite one yet. 

Why does this story have to be so short? Of course he knows that 71k isn't a short story but Harry is a quick reader and when he loves the characters he loves long fanfictions. 

While reading he already regrets that he didn't leave a comment on every single chapter. He'll have forgotten so many thoughts when he writes the comment on the last chapter and besides it feels like a missed opportunity to talk to BehindBlueEyes. 

He can't explain why, but somehow Harry feels a deep connection to the author and would love to talk more to them. 

It's not even noon when Harry finishes the fanfiction he's sure changed his life. He doesn't remember ever being this emotional and invested in a story and he already knows he'll read it again soon. 

Moving on to his favourite part, Harry types out a long comment, already hoping for a quick reply. 

InkHeartedDreamer:

Such a beautiful story! For me, this wasn't really a love story but a story about healing. And I loved it. Couldn't put it down really.

The beginning was hard, really hard. You wrote it so well, I could easily identify myself with Louis. Even If that's hard, it says a lot about how good your research was and about your writing skills.

I loved that Paolo didn't shy away from him. Even if Louis pushed as hard as he could. It's true that his life shouldn't depend on a relationship but at the beginning, you need something worth living for. And that's Paolo for Louis.

I also thought Liam was incredibly important and just amazing in this one. I enjoyed their friendship even If Louis overshared a little from time to time (not sure if Paolo would want Liam to know THAT much about his sex life) ...

Talking about it... I loved how you described their growing intimacy. From rough sex, through a BDSM agreement (more trust), through kissing and eventually tender sex. Great! It was really hot as well 🔥

I also loved how Sarah, Christine and Niall reacted to everything. Yeah, it's not what you hope for and if you look at it from Louis' perspective, it wasn't fair. But I think it was realistic. And it showed how much they all care for Paolo.

Wow. You see... I'm really invested in this story. Think I could Talk about it for hours (sorry for making you my own therapist rn😱🥺).

All in all, I loved the healing process and that you made it clear it's still a process. I loved the fight in the epilogue cause it just shows that you can't fight all demons and that healing is a process of a lifetime.

Oh, and I loved every single song lyric you smuggled in there... very clever ❤️

Another one of your stories I truly adore. Thank you again for all of that !!!

Chapter Text

The unexpected is usually what brings the unbelievable 

-unknown

The traffic through London is slow while his thoughts race in contrast. He's on his way to an impromptu photoshoot for his new single. Pete woke him up with a call this morning saying they're releasing his single sooner than expected. The reason is quite simple - the first pictures with Florence were such a complete success that since then the magazines have been full and everyone wants to know more. How did they meet each other? Are they really together? And if so, for how long?

Louis followed each article with eagle eyes, including from his burner account on Twitter, where he actually promotes his fanfics, and here he saw the other side far away from the general public. In return, most of his fans do not believe in the new supposed love with a woman. Most people guessed correctly that it is a stunt and that Louis is anything but straight. And that put a smile on his face. It's almost like his own story that he wrote, back then assuming that it would never affect him himself and that it was pure fantasy, albeit with a true background, because exactly what is happening to him now for the public image is common practice and Louis knows enough artists who feel the same way.

But that wasn't the only thing that made him smile. Another comment from InkHeartedDreamer also flew into his inbox and he felt more and more of a connection with this reader. He waits almost longingly for a new comment and checks his account more often than not to see if he can find anything new. It's just as if he's being understood on a whole new level, as if this reader already knows more about him and Louis simply can't describe the feeling he has and in the meantime he wonders if he's reading too much into it and is making it all up in his head.

He takes the phone out of his pocket; they won't arrive any time soon anyway, judging by the walking speed at which his driver is weaving the car through London. Maybe he already has a new comment and can use it to pass the time. Or he could simply read through all the old comments he received on his stories. Louis always loves flipping through everyone, no matter how old they are, that's his comfort on those days when he doesn't feel quite like himself anymore.

His stories are as much his works as his songs. But sometimes Louis doubts everything. Is his music only listened to because he looks good? Pete has already hinted more than once in the past that it's more about his looks than his voice, which according to him is not powerful like many of the other singers and it was always his reasoning that they didn't want to push his career but rather themselves focus on talented artists. And every time Louis was deeply hurt and unsettled. And always wonders why they signed him in the first place.

Things are different with his stories. Here Louis is only valued for what he writes, without his person behind it. No looks and no supposedly weak voice. Just Louis alone. Although with moderate success, it is nonetheless fulfilling for him.

In fact, he finds a new comment, this time on his personal favourite ‚I’m with you‘, in which he dealt with his bullying past, self-therapy so to speak and feels a little lighter since he wrote and published it.

InkHeartedDreamer:

Thoughtful, amazing, breathtaking, lovely, sexy, perfect... Those are the first words that come to my mind. I loved this story. (No surprise here because apparently I love all your stories). But this one. Oh my god. You said it was your favourite and I know why (although I'm still not sure about that one... Maybe I can decide on that after reading all your other fics). I am always amazed at how well thought through your characters are. It was so understandable why Paolo was the way he was. But there was a huge change in him and I loved it. So, the bullying. That was so well written and thoughtful. I loved how Louis helped not only Paolo but the kids at school and even made his career out of it. I suffered myself for years at school and it would have meant so much to me if only one person stood up for me like Louis did for Anna and Paolo. Sometimes, only one person fighting for you is enough. And it showed in that story. For both. Paolo needed Louis to become confident and who he truly was. And Louis just needed a chance to show the world how strong and clever he is. I also loved their little note game. It made me smile over and over again.

Thank you again for writing all those beautiful stories<3

The corners of Louis' mouth are already hurting from the grin that grew wider with every word and he can't help but press his phone against his heart for a moment, almost as if he was hugging InkHeartedDreamer. On the one hand for these really beautiful words, the understanding of his story and his own fate but on the other hand also because InkHeartedDreamer apparently went through something similar and for that reason alone he would like to wrap them in his arms and let them know that if he knew them back in school he would’ve been that person, no matter how he himself felt at the time.

Again there is this connection that he feels and Louis would like to get to know this person better, hear the story about their bullying and everything else that defines them. But Louis knows that he can't actually reveal who he is. If it gets out that Louis is behind BehindBlueEyes, who not only writes fan fiction, but also about himself, not to mention that he writes explicit gay smut... his management would probably have a heart attack and worse. He doesn't even want to think about what it would mean for him and his career.

Louis notices the car slowing down and looks up from his phone.

“We’re here,” his driver says and looks back at him, smiles kindly and Louis nods, smiling as well.

“Thank you, have a nice day, mate,” he says, hands him a note and then gets out.

An answer for InkHeartedDreamer has to wait until later, he wants to take his time and puts his phone back in his pocket before he gets out and enters the building where his photo shoot is about to take place.

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

Louis is in the middle of posing, dressed in black trousers and a black and red chequered sweat jacket, in keeping with the aesthetic of the upcoming album and the new single from it, when Pete suddenly enters the room.

“There’s my golden boy. Hello Louis!” he calls out happily and Louis hopes that the photographer won’t take a photo at this moment because he is sure that his expression will slip and he will be photographed rolling his eyes.

“What are you doing here, Pete?” Louis asks suspiciously and apologises to the photographer with a smile, who winks at him and lowers his camera.

"We're taking a short break," he says then quietly and Louis nods.

Almost reluctantly, he goes up to Pete, who grins broadly at him and Louis knows that his visit will probably bring something bad with it. At least for Louis. Pete, on the other hand, suddenly seems very fond of Louis and greets him when he arrives with a firm pat on his shoulder.

“I thought I would see how things are going here. And wanted to tell you in the same breath that the stunt with you and Miss Pugh is going perfectly. Your older song streams and album sales are already through the roof and we haven’t even confirmed the relationship yet,” Pete says.

“Okay, that's good I guess,” Louis smiles, albeit a little pained.

“It’s not just good, it’s phenomenal. That's why we now move on to the next step. You will meet with Miss Pugh after the photo shoot, everything has already been sorted out. A romantic walk through London. Including kisses, I want the full program. Articles will appear tomorrow confirming your relationship,” Pete claps his hands, still grinning broadly.

Louis, on the other hand, closes his eyes for a moment and tries to suppress the nausea that immediately floods him.

“I really don’t like it,” Louis says quietly, looking below him. He feels tears gathering in the corners of his eyes and it's the last thing he wants right now, under no circumstances will he cry here in front of all these people.

“I don’t care. I don't have to remind you of the contract again, do I? Besides, Miss Pugh is an actress, let her take the lead. It's just a kiss, Louis, I'm not asking you to have straight sex, my God," Pete says, but the smile has left his face and made way for eyes that are slitted and his voice reprimands Louis.

Louis just nods and takes a deep breath. "Okay."

What more can he say? He knew that he had sold his soul and somehow he will get through this time.

Pete seems satisfied that Louis doesn't talk back anymore and he nods at him again, smiling. “Okay, now finish your shooting and I’ll personally drive you to the meeting point.”

"You'd think you'd want to make sure I don't run off and actually do it," Louis murmurs.

Pete's only response is an artificial laugh that is too loud, which makes Louis shake himself and he doesn't know how to smile for the camera again as he takes his spot again and waits for the photographer to come to him, who has retreated to a corner of the room.

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

“Louis can you please look less pained? It can’t be that bad to walk through London holding hands with me,” Florence admonishes him with a grin and gently nudges him with her shoulder.

"I'm sorry," Louis murmurs, sighing. "I know we're going to have to kiss and... I just feel bad about it."

“Okay, I understand that. But think of it as a job, okay? Are you in a relationship or have a crush?” she asks more understandingly, resting her head on his shoulder as they walk down the streets of one of the most famous corners of London.

Florence already seems to be fully into her role as a love-struck girlfriend.

“No, I don’t have a partner but you could say a celebrity crush,” Louis answers.

"Okay, that's good. If we're about to kiss, just imagine that it's this person you're kissing. Imagine how good it would feel if you finally had the chance to get your lips on them," Florence smiles up at him, face still on his shoulder and Louis releases his hand from hers and puts an arm around her shoulder, hoping it looks even more tender when they are photographed like this.

“I can at least try,” Louis nods, mirroring Florence’s smile. Because he really could have gotten worse with his stunt.

“Thanks Flo. For your understanding and tips. You are really nice."

“Ah Lou-Lou, no problem. And look, we're even starting to have nicknames for each other. We’ll make the best of it okay?”

“Okay,” Louis smiles and playfully sticks out his tongue at her, which she returns immediately. They both giggle and walk a few metres before stopping and moving closer to a wall of a house to get a bit out of the way of the other people walking by.

“What should I do?” Louis whispers in her ear and hopes that it looks to the paparazzi, who is supposed to be somewhere nearby, as if Louis is not desperately asking for help but rather as if he is whispering something in love into Florence’s ear.

“Louis,” Florence laughs. “You’ve probably kissed people before. It’s no different. Do what feels natural for you. Or should I start?”

“I think I would prefer that, yes,” Louis nods in a thick voice, simply because his throat is tightening.

“Remember that you are imagining your crush. It's almost over. I even brushed my teeth again beforehand, so don’t worry,” Florence winks, making Louis laugh quietly despite the situation.

Her hands cup his cheeks and she steps closer to him. Louis looks down at her and has to swallow, a lump forms in his throat and he feels just as nervous as he did before his play at school.

They both nod slightly at each other, almost unnoticeable, before Louis closes his eyes and waits for Florence's lips to meet his. And he doesn't have to wait long for it. Shortly afterwards her lips are on his and Louis tries with all his might to imagine that he is kissing Paolo, just like in his stories. With passion. But even with the best will in the world, he doesn’t succeed. Florence's face has no stubble and her body is far too small compared to his.

It's not a bad kiss, but Louis once again feels that he's definitely gay and that heterosexuality was never an option. He exhales gratefully as Flo pulls away from him, her face still close to his and he can clearly see her acting skills. She smiles at him so lovingly that Louis, if he didn't know better, could even believe that she really means it.

"Smile back," she whispers, her lips inches from his.

And Louis smiles, he doesn't know whether it looks like he's in love. But he does what he can and management really can't ask for more from him.

Florence pecks him one last time before taking his hand again and nodding for Louis to move on. “It will be enough to fill the magazines,” Florence says quietly.

“Hopefully,” Louis replies.

“How bad was it for you?” Florence asks with a sideways glance.

“It just confirmed for me that I am absolutely and only into dicks,” Louis grins cheekily.

Florence cackles loudly. “Oh my god you’re hilarious.”

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

Louis sits on his sofa, emotionally completely exhausted from this day. The photo shoot, Pete and the kiss feel more like a whole week packed into one day. And it's not over yet.

Instead of being able to take refuge in writing his latest story to distract his mind from all this or finally answer InkHeartedDreamer, he has to briefly take care of the promotion of his single. And maybe that already helps, his fans are always what makes him happy and he is so proud of the bond he has with them. He decides to also take time for a few replies to his tweet that he is about to post.

Louis Tomlinson

Out Of My System. Out Friday. Pre Save Now.

It's the first thing he posts and he watches, grinning, as the fans go crazy in the replies already in the first few seconds.

He quickly adds a second one, can literally feel the energy of his fans through his phone and actually immediately feels a little better than he did a few minutes ago.

Louis Tomlinson

How's everyone doing? Excited for you all to hear Out of my system! Definitely one of my favourites on the album.

He waits a short moment until there are more answers to his tweet and then decides which one he wants to answer.

One fan writes that she is already so excited and asks why he wanted this song as a single. The fact that Louis didn't have much involvement in the decision remains his secret, because in the end he is actually very happy with the management's choice.

Louis Tomlinson

One of my favourites on the album and a good example of my growth musically

Then he scrolls further, answers two more replies from the fans until he suddenly gets stuck on a profile photo. Not only is it not a photo of himself like many of his fans have, but it's actually a man asking him a question, something like that always standing out where his fandom consists more of female fans. Louis is always happy when he reaches even a small number of men. And when he clicks on his profile, he sees an extraordinarily handsome man. Even if he’s a bit young for his liking, at least if you go by the picture.

Short curls that fall slightly in his perfect side profile, green eyes shining like two diamonds even visible although he is not looking directly into the camera and a broad smile on his lips that digs a deep dimple into his cheek. 

Louis just has to answer to this man. That would be exactly Louis type, gentle and masculine at the same time, only a few people wear this blend so perfectly.

Louis clicks back to this man's question.

Styles is the answer 

I can't wait to hear the song live!!!

Louis Tomlinson

Yeah I'm excited to perform it

Then he scrolls through the replies a bit but can't help but click on the profile again and maybe find out a little more about him. But there's not really much to find except that he seems to be a big fan of Louis. He has nothing private to find on it except his picture, which shows himself.

Louis thinks this man could easily be a model or something else like an actor with his looks. It's been a long time since Louis felt so physically attracted to someone. He's so effortlessly handsome and Louis would give anything to see more pictures of this man. But it would be creepy to beg a fan for more photos of themselves. This man is out of reach for Louis and he decides not to get lost in something that has no future anyway.

Instead, he would rather finally write InkHeartedDreamer and switches to his internet browser and his ao3 account.

BehindBlueEyes:

I can relate to everything you write about bullying. Send you a big hug! ♥️ 

To be honest, Paolo’s bullying story is mine. Except the law firm was a school and the kitchen scene was in the classroom. And I needed a Louis just like you did back then. Just a person to help you, to hold your hand, to get you through the time. And yet somehow we both survived it without a Louis or another person, right? But to write it all out was therapeutic and it feels validated after all these years. Maybe you know what I mean.

Louis sends it off and hopes for a quick response from InkHeartedDreamer. But nothing happens in the first few minutes and Louis decides to smoke a cigarette, hoping that he will find an answer afterwards.

But just as he is about to get up, a new message pops up on his burner tumblr account, because after all, Louis is always looking for the honest and unfiltered opinions of his fans. Be it from Twitter, tumblr or even Instagram. It's Louis' favourite pastime to be honest.

Curious as he is, he goes straight to tumblr and opens the message. And he is amazed when he quickly realises that this message is from InkHeartedDreamer.

Only that their username is a simple HES here.

HES:

Hey, I hope it's okay, I'll write to you here as well. I'm the one who constantly read fic after fic this week and used you as a therapist in your comment section.

I just read your answer and feel like I need a moment before I can form a real answer. Like a public answer.

I don't know why, but I kinda feel connected to you and I just wanted to thank you in person for those wonderful, healing stories.

I'm so so sorry for what you've been through and just want to tell you I'll be there for you if you ever need to talk to some stranger. Because it's easier talking to strangers.

So yeah, I really don't want to annoy you. And I think I'll reply to you in the comment section soon.

Send you 28 hugs 😜

And before Louis can answer, the next message arrives.

HES:

Omg I have to tell you something else. Have you seen Louis' new tweet yet? He's releasing a single AND he replied to me. ME!!! I'm totally freaking out here!!! I don't think I can breathe anymore and wow!!!!!

Louis giggles quietly and wonders which of the fans it is. Could it be this man? But that would be wishful thinking, he certainly wouldn't read any fanfiction. But what is much more important and valuable to him is the first message. Written so lovingly and alone the fact that someone wants to give him comfort when he needs someone to talk to. How sweet is that? His heart is literally so full that he doesn't know how best to answer, he feels this connection just like this person and yet Louis is not allowed to reveal too much, even if he would like to share all his worries that he currently has with the stunt with this person. Perhaps the words he would receive in return would be comforting. Maybe everything would be a little easier to bear with a stranger like that to whom he pours his heart out.

With a pout he stands up, his phone in his hand and finally decides to have a smoke and think about what he should answer.

As he steps through his living room onto the terrace and lights a cigarette, he keeps nervously chewing on his lower lip and keeps looking at his display only to let his gaze wander over his large garden again.

Okay, here's the thing. Louis can never say who he really is. But if he only continues to write under his pseudonym and it is limited to messages then he can have this contact, right? There is nothing to it and he ultimately wanted so much to have more contact with this person. He just has to be careful not to write anything that points to himself. But Louis feels that this is something he needs now, that this person didn't come into his life for nothing. And that's why Louis can't help but answer.

Chapter Text

"Lost in the rhythm of the party, yet yearning for the quiet notes of solitude.”

- anonymous

There's too much happening at once and Harry feels overwhelmed. Not able to manage his feelings he cries and laughs at the same time and it's so exhausting he would love to just lie down and read everything over and over again with a huge smile on his face. 

He can't though because he soon has to get ready for his first celebrity party ever and his nervousness about that just adds to his already overwhelming feelings. 

He can't believe what happened today. 

Thinking he would just read all day until it's time to get ready, Harry didn't expect anything exciting to happen. 

He did read -another story by BehindBlueEyes- when the first news rolled in: New stunt pictures and also a video of Louis and Florence, arm in arm in a crowded London and even kissing this time. 

Tomorrow there will be several articles confirming their relationship, he's sure about it. 

Harry rolled his eyes at the video of them, annoyed by how obvious it already is. 

Louis has always been very private about his love life, so why should he walk around the city of London now, showing off his new girlfriend all of a sudden? It just doesn't make sense at all. Besides, Harry thinks that his smile seems a little forced and not at all as charming as it usually is.

Not long after Harry had seen the picture, he got a notification that Louis posted on twitter, giving the fandom an explanation for the stupid stunt. 

Louis Tomlinson

Out of My System. Out Friday. Pre Save Now.

So that's the reason: Louis needs to promote his new single and apparently, his music isn't enough anymore so he has to make everyone talk about him with a straight relationship. 

Even if Harry didn’t like the thought of it he now knows how hard it is to refuse something like that if the management wants it and stay yourself in the business. 

Trying to forget about the stunt, Harry concentrated on the exciting news: there's new music coming and he can't wait to listen to it. 

Even if the song comes out the same day he releases his debut single he will definitely listen to it on repeat whenever he isn't busy promoting his own song. 

Out of my system, he repeated again and again trying to guess what the song might be about. 

He still looked at Louis' tweet when he posted the next one and a flood of happiness overcame him again. Somewhere in London Louis looked at his phone just like he did at the same moment.  

Louis Tomlinson

How's everyone doing? Excited for you all to hear Out of my system! Definitely one of my favourites on the album.

This time, Harry did squeak a little. One of his favourites. They're about to listen to one of Louis' favourite songs from the new album. He can't wait for Friday to come. 

Excited, he typed out a reply which he did almost every time Louis posted. 

He couldn’t help himself but being embarrassed about his twitter name -as always when he sees it now- but his management made him change it to separate his private account from the professional one they just started for him. 

Styles is the answer  

I can't wait to hear the song live!!!

Still grinning, he dived back into the fanfiction almost immediately afterwards holding his phone up in the air above his head. 

He still lied on his back when a new notification came in and he couldn't believe what he was seeing. In fact, he got so excited his phone slipped out of his hands and landed on his face, hurting his nose. 

Louis Tomlinson replied to his post. What the hell? How? He quickly picked up his phone again, rubbing his face, to open twitter with shaking hands. 

Louis Tomlinson

Yeah I'm excited to perform it

Harry read it at least ten times before he truly realised what that meant: Louis Tomlinson, the one and only Louis Tomlinson, knows he exists. 

He clicked on his post and actively decided to reply to him. 

Harry's face lit up with joy, a wide smile spreading across his face. In a burst of excitement, he jumped up from the sofa, his movements filled with an infectious energy. Without hesitation, he broke into a spontaneous dance, expressing his happiness through lively and carefree motions.

But then one realisation hit him and Harry stopped mid-dancing. 

When Louis replied to his post that means he saw his name and the over-a-year-old profile picture, oh God no. 

It's not likely that he even looked closely enough to see that, he tried to calm himself down. Presumably he didn't even look at all and just randomly replied to some fans. 

But either way Harry didn't let the thought ruin his happiness. This is something Harry will never forget. His idol replied to him. 

Harry's adrenaline surged, manifesting in quickened breaths and a subtle yet persistent flutter in his chest. His fingertips tingle with residual excitement, and a delighted smile involuntarily lingered on his face as he replayed the cherished reply in his mind over and over again. 

He still wasn't over the fact that Louis Tomlinson knows he exists -and he thinks he never will be- when the next exciting thing happened: His favourite author answered his comment. 

Smiling brightly, he opened the message and read it instantly, sensing a deep connection to BehindBlueEyes with every word. Even if they never talked or even know who they are, Harry sensed that this could be something special. 

Feeling the need to tell this person everything, every little detail of his past and present and future he made the decision to text them on Tumblr to hopefully talk more to them in private. 

Fearing a refusal he hesitated briefly when he found the profile but after a few minutes he started typing anyway. If the connection was as strong as Harry thought, they would answer. 

HES:

Hey, I hope it's okay, I'll write to you here as well. I'm the one who constantly read fic after fic this week and used you as a therapist in your comment section.

I just read your answer and feel like I need a moment before I can form a real answer. Like a public answer.

I don't know why, but I kinda feel connected to you and I just wanted to thank you in person for those wonderful, healing stories.

I'm so so sorry for what you've been through and just want to tell you I'll be there for you if you ever need to talk to some stranger. Because it's easier talking to strangers.

So yeah, I really don't want to annoy you. And I think I'll reply to you in the comment section soon.

Send you 28 hugs 😜

And then, because he just couldn't stop himself, Harry immediately wrote another message. 

HES:

Omg I have to tell you something else. Have you seen Louis' new tweet yet? He's releasing a single AND he replied to me. ME!!! I'm totally freaking out here!!! I don't think I can breathe anymore and wow!!!!!

And now Harry waits for a reply, hoping he doesn't sound like a weirdo with his excitement and his many messages. 

Harry is overwhelmed by positive emotions; he laughs and cries simultaneously, repeatedly looking at the reply on Twitter. Laughter bubbles up uncontrollably, and tears of joy stream down his cheeks with each glance at the cherished response, creating a poignant blend of emotions that mirrors the depth of his elation.

At the same time he refreshes Tumblr every minute, hoping for his mysterious author to answer.

BehindBlueEyesOfficial  

I feel that too, somehow we click right? Nice of you to write me here and maybe I shouldn't have revealed so much in the comments but hey... probably no one reads it anyway 😅 and if they do, that's me and part of my own story.

You are absolutely not annoying me! I like it so much to connect with readers and that maybe even some kind of friendship will come out of it. This fandom has been the greatest gift for me. The people I met through it -like you- or what I found out about myself. 

And of course I’m happy to be there for you! Thank you so much for your offer ♥️

Sending you 369 hugs back 😅

Harry breathes in and out deeply, smiling down at his phone again. His author is just as nice as he thought and he feels like this is an important moment. Maybe it's the start of a new friendship for life.

If the person isn't a fourteen year old girl, it happens often enough in this fandom and honestly, that would just be weird. Maybe Harry should ask about it.

He's already about to text back when he gets another message. 

BehindBlueEyesOfficial :

And yes, I've seen Louis' post. That's so cool he replied to you. Which message was it? I'm happy for you. 

And just to make sure… I hope I don't offend you with this question, but how old are you? 

Harry laughs at his phone. They had the same thoughts, a similar mind. Even in those little moments he feels a connection to them, feels the new friendship build with every word they exchange. 

HES

Hey! 

Today is just the best day ever. I can't wait to talk to you more (and of course read every single word you've ever written because I might be a little obsessed). 

I'll just send you the link to my twitter profile then you'll see which one it is. I'm a little embarrassed about my name there and my profile picture. I mean it's an old one and I just look too young and I don't know. Do you think he actually looked at that? Oh God, I hope not. 

Either way he now knows I'm existing and that's about the coolest thing ever. 

Oh and just to ease your mind: My name is Harry, I'm 26 years old and I currently live in Manchester. 

What about you? I want to know everything about the person behind my favourite stories. 

This time, the answer takes a little longer and Harry feels so insecure he analyses his last message to find out if he said something wrong or too intimate. 

He can't find anything and frowns down at his phone. BehindBlueEyesOfficial is online right now so why don't they text him back? 

Upon receiving a response, he exhales a breath he hadn't been aware of holding.

BehindBlueEyesOfficial

Hey, sorry I was busy stalking your twitter account for a second ;) 

I don't know if Louis had a look at your picture but even if I personally think you look stunning there. Don't be insecure about it. 

As to information about me: I am a 28 year old man who lives in London and loves to write. My daily schedule usually is chaotic and I can't keep my flat clean even if my life depends on it. You can just call me W.

Twenty eight and from London, just like Louis and God, Harry has to stop being obsessed with him. Why he only gets a letter instead of a name, he doesn't understand but maybe he'll find out the reason for that soon enough. Right now he just enjoys being in contact with another fan, someone who understands not only his fandom but his challenging past without needing explanations about it. 

They dive into a very personal chat where they talk about their bullying experiences that are, once again, surprisingly similar. 

They're both gay, the main reason why the bullying started, they never really fit in with their classmates and they didn't stand up for themselves. 

Whenever W. tells him something he sees himself in his words and even though it brings back many memories he'd rather forget about, it still feels good to talk about it to someone who gets it. Harry feels so understood with W., he doesn't feel any boundaries anymore and even tells him about the most horrifying thing that happened to him, which still affects his sex life to some extent.

W. tells him to write it all down, in a fanfic just like he does but he isn't a writer, is he? Sure, he writes songs but that's entirely different. He can't just write his fantasies or his past down and post it. When he tells W. exactly that he gets an answer that makes him think about it. 

BehindBlueEyesOfficial

You don't have to post it. Just write for yourself, get it out of your system, like Louis would say. You can always decide to post it or not but I feel like we're very similar and for me writing is like free therapy. It helps a lot. Trust me. 

Could he write his own story? Harry instantly feels the urge to start but he doesn't, too afraid of being not good enough and not being able to find the right words. 

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

They shoot message after message, their topics vary from bullying to relationships -they’re both single- to the fandom they're both in, until Harry's doorbell rings and his stylist comes in to get him ready for tonight's party. 

HES

W. I have to get ready for a party tonight now. I really don't feel like socialising today (apart from talking to you obviously) but I have to. I'll still reply, of course I will, but just don't be surprised if it takes a while. 

In preparation for his first celebrity party, Harry's stylist, Hannah, meticulously crafts a look that captures attention and reflects his unique style. Focusing on his long, tousled locks, she adds subtle waves for a touch of effortless glamour, enhancing Harry's natural charm as his hair cascades gracefully around his shoulders.

For the outfit, Hannah chooses a tailored black suit that accentuates his slender frame, adding a playful twist with a silk, deep burgundy shirt where the first four buttons are left open. The shirt's rich hue complements Harry's striking green eyes, creating a captivating contrast against the dark suit. Hannah selects a pair of polished black Chelsea boots to complete the ensemble, adding an edgy sophistication to the overall look.

To add a personal touch, Hannah suggests a few delicate silver accessories – a couple of rings and a minimalist necklace – subtly enhancing Harry's ensemble without overshadowing the outfit's sleek simplicity. As she works, Hannah shares styling tips and words of encouragement, ensuring Harry feels confident and comfortable in his chosen attire.

The final result is a blend of contemporary elegance and Harry's distinct flair, a look that effortlessly reflects his individuality. 

To his surprise, Harry really likes his look, and the quirky Hannah, and he even asks her to take a selfie together. They take one just when he has to leave for the party. 

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

As he steps into the spotlight of the celebrity party, ready to make a memorable entrance, Harry feels beautiful and self confident for once and even thinks he might have it in him to communicate with the other guests. 

His positivity lasts for about ten minutes before he realises that he doesn't really fit in there as well. 

Everyone knows everyone, even he knows everyone from movies or magazines, and they don't really seem interested in getting to know him. 

Harry stands in the midst of his first celebrity party in Manchester, an outsider to the glitz and glamour enveloping the room. The music pulses, lights dance, but his discomfort is palpable. Despite the laughter and animated conversations surrounding him, Harry remains on the fringes, his phone a refuge from the overwhelming atmosphere. Talking to W. will help him, he's sure about it. It's easier to get through the night like that. 

His anonymity is a shield, a contrast to the confident smiles and flashy poses of those around him. Swirling the ice in his drink, Harry's distant gaze suggests a mind preoccupied with contemplation, as if searching for an escape route from this surreal soirée.

Occasional attempts at conversation find him polite yet guarded, his unease evident. Amidst the laughter of A-listers sharing anecdotes, Harry remains detached, his thoughts a sanctuary against the social whirlwind. His phone, clutched like a lifeline, offers solace in the glow of the screen, a retreat into a virtual realm that feels more authentic than the star-studded event unfolding around him.

Messages from W. and his mother become a tether to the familiar, a reminder of a world untouched by the glittering allure of celebrity status. As the night progresses, Harry's reluctance morphs into a quiet resignation. He recognises the significance of this moment in his journey into the limelight, even as he yearns for the simplicity left behind.

Knowing he is on a mission he tries to find his charming personality inside of him as his management would put it. 

With a sigh and a lingering glance at his phone, Harry decides to immerse himself, if only momentarily, in the surreal world of flashing cameras and dazzling personas. 

Half an hour later he feels exhausted by all the smalltalk and repeating over and over again who he is and what he's doing here. He feels like he entered an exclusive club where he isn't a member yet and nobody really wants him to be one as well. 

It's just like in school, or just like everywhere when he tries to include himself. Everyone seems to like him to an extent but no one really wants him. Old wounds break open and Harry feels tears building in his eyes when suddenly a beautiful actress, just a few years older than him, stands in front of him, smiling warmly. 

Holding out her hand she says, “Hi, I'm Emma. Nice to meet you.”

Emma Watson, as in Hermione Granger, as in one of the most beautiful, nicest actresses in Britain. Holy shit, it's like a dream coming true. He always adored her and since she doesn't act that much anymore he even likes her more. Her speeches are genuine and always so kind and Harry really likes her fashion style. 

“Hey, yeah, I know who you are. It's a pleasure to meet you. I'm Harry Styles,” he replies way faster than he usually talks, his voice a tad higher. 

“Harry Styles. The name suits you. Now tell me, why do you look like you'd rather be somewhere else?” 

He gapes at her. 

“Shit. Is it that obvious? God, I should work on my acting skills.”

With that, the ice is broken and he tells Emma everything about his management wanting him to build an image through those parties and that he needs to find female celebrity friends to get some press before his single comes out. Surprisingly, she doesn't shy away from his words and instead asks more questions about the situation. 

When he explained everything to her, she concludes, “So you're gay and you need a stunt? Why don't you make a contract with a woman like everybody else?” 

“It's no stunt. I mean, yes I'm gay, but I made sure there won't be any stunts or hiding my sexuality. It's just their way to draw attention to me I guess,” he shrugs, suddenly unsure about his management's intentions. 

For the rest of the night Harry exclusively talks to Emma, laughing with her about the weird behaviour of some other guests and exchanging style tips. She's the sole reason Harry even enjoys his evening a bit and even if he messed up management’s orders. 

“So I think I'd like to go for a walk now,” Emma says, grinning. “Would you come with me to talk to me some more?” 

“But there will be paparazzi to take photos of us. I'm sure you don't want that,” Harry replies apologetically. 

“That's the point. You have to be seen with some female celebrity friends. I'm a woman. I'm a celebrity. I'm a friend. You said it's not about starting something huge, so we just go out there, keep on talking like we just did and then I'll tell everyone what a dear friend you are with a kind and captivating personality. I don't even have to lie about it.” 

He's beyond surprised that Emma would do such a thing for him. She never draws attention to her if it's not necessary and they just met. She doesn't even know if he's a good person or not. 

“Are you sure about that? Your image is so pure and I don't want to accidentally ruin everything for you,” he answers, biting his bottom lip. 

“Relax, Harry. You won't ruin everything. They'll believe me when I say you're a friend, especially because my image is so pure as you put it. Don't worry about it.” 

It doesn't feel right to use Emma for his own good, or even doing something like that at all but he's still thankful it all works out in the end. 

As Harry and Emma slip away from the vibrant celebrity party, they decide to take a quiet stroll, avoiding getting too close to the hidden lenses of the paparazzi. 

Despite the awareness of being observed, a genuine camaraderie forms, with Harry's laughter resonating through the night, revealing his charming dimples.

Amid the covert cameras, Harry and Emma share light-hearted moments, their connection evident in every smile and shared joke. As the temperature drops, Emma subtly shivers, prompting Harry to gallantly offer her his jacket. The exchange, though discreet, doesn't escape the sharp lenses of the concealed paparazzi and Harry can't suppress an eye roll when one paparazzi even comes out of his hiding space to get a photo from a better angle. 

Wrapped in shared laughter and warmth, Harry and Emma navigate the shadowy path away from the party. In this unguarded walk, the hidden paparazzi inadvertently chronicle a genuine connection, a snapshot of two friends finding solace and enjoyment in each other's company amidst the constant scrutiny of the media.

After walking around a while, making sure there are enough pictures of them together, Harry opens Emma's car door for her when they call it a night. 

She hugs him tightly, whispering, “You're too kind to become a doll for them, Harry Styles. Please take care of yourself and call me when you need a friend or when you just want to go shopping together.”

Harry feels so grateful for her, he could start crying again. This day was way too exciting for his taste and Harry can't wait to just be alone again. 

Smiling down at his phone, he writes the only person he still wants to talk to. 

HES

W.! My night wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. It was kind of nice actually. 

But it would have been even better with you here. I think about you. Harry

When he reads his message again, Harry starts to panic. What if W. thinks he's a weird stalker now or that he's needy and pathetic. Shit. He has to make it right somehow. 

HES

Oh my God. Just ignore my message if you feel like I'm too much. I'm so sorry. What I meant is that I really want to know more about you and that I want to become your friend. Sorry. I'm too much. Again. Shit. Sorry. 

Okay, I'll just stop now. Bye

After hitting send on the second message, a wave of humiliation crashes over Harry. Doubt gnaws at him, and he replays the words in his mind, realising the mess he created there. His cheeks flush with embarrassment as he contemplates the fallout from his poorly chosen words.

The weight of self-criticism settles in, and Harry berates himself for not carefully considering the impact of his message. The vulnerability of the situation adds to his discomfort, and he wishes he could retract the words that now linger in the digital realm. The fear of judgement and the realisation of his own misstep create a pit in his stomach.

As he waits for a response, every passing moment intensifies the knot of humiliation. Harry grapples with the urge to explain or apologise again, but the damage feels irreparable. The discomfort lingers, and he can't shake the sensation of being exposed and regretful, wishing he could turn back time and choose his words more wisely.

On his way home he tries to distract himself with reading but he can't shake the feeling that he maybe just ruined his chances of friendship with someone he feels a deep connection to.

Chapter Text

The most beautiful part is, I wasn't even looking when I found you.

- autumn

While he's lying in his bed and can't sleep because of the excitement of the drop of his new single the day after tomorrow, and is actually using the sleepless time to continue writing his story, despite the late hour, two notifications suddenly pop up on his phone and he immediately starts grinning when he sees it's Harry.

He jumps over to tumblr and the smile widens as he reads the first message. This man has already become so important to him, almost a fixed part of his life as well as the fact that it can't be a good day if he hasn't heard from him.

HES

W.! My night wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. It was kind of nice actually.

But it would have been even better with you here. I think about you. Harry

But when he scans the second text, the grin quickly disappears and instead he has a strong urge to drive to Manchester to hug the man immediately, drive through the whole city if necessary and ring every doorbell until he finds him, because of course he doesn't have an address of him.

HES

Oh my God. Just ignore my message if you feel like I'm too much. I'm so sorry. What I meant is that I really want to know more about you and that I want to become your friend. Sorry. I'm too much. Again. Shit. Sorry.

Okay, I'll just stop now. Bye

He knows exactly where Harry's insecurity comes from; years of bullying have made exactly that possible. Often enough, Louis finds himself in exactly such an emotional situation. And so his fingers just fly over the display to comfort the other man as quickly as possible and convince him that he could never be too much for him.

BehindBlueEyesOfficial

Oh no darling, please don't think like that. I understood it exactly how you wanted it and you can never be too much. I love every conversation we have and every message from you. I was so happy when I just received your message. And please never say you're too much again. You can always write to me, no matter what time of day or night. I'm always there for you, okay? And I'm very pleased that your evening went better than expected. Have you met someone nice? Maybe even your true love haha? But then you definitely wouldn't have wanted me there like you wrote. Believe me, if my stressful job allowed it, I would have loved to be with you. Feel tightly hugged by me.

W. x

As he sends it, he thinks about whether the small x at the end wasn't too much. Whether he isn't the one now who wants too much. Especially as he can't and shouldn't expect any more. Louis can't lose himself in this man. Not in Harry. Especially since he knows what he looks like and it was exactly the person whose profile picture he found so attractive.

That something like this has to happen to Louis of all people. He still remembers his shock when the link to his Twitter profile that Harry sent him popped up.

His hand clapped over his mouth and his eyes widened. He almost dropped his phone and his heart was beating fast. What kind of game was the universe playing with him here? Of all people, this man was closer to him than so many people before and read his stories? Of all people, this man that Louis answered with his official account? What kind of coincidence of fate was that? How should Louis play cool in the future? This man was to die for, inside and out, and Louis can never have him. His hands were shaking and he simply didn't know how to deal with it. It was difficult to write a text for Harry that did not reflect his actual emotional state and also to manage this balancing act between the public Louis and his pseudonym. Since they started writing to each other more, it's like walking a tightrope and Louis hopes that he can keep his balance.

But before he gets completely lost in his circling thoughts or ends up staring at Harry's profile picture again, which he secretly saved on his phone, Harry's reply to his message comes.

HES

Thank God you're not mad at me. I'm really glad you still write back to me, to be honest I even cry a little over it right now. Thank you for saying all of this, it means so much to me.

You know, I had several friends telling me I'm too much and need to calm down and let them breathe over the years and I can't just not think that now. Sorry. I'm trying to be better.

As to your question, I actually met someone nice. A girl who sensed my discomfort and came talking to me. So not the love of my life but potentially a friend to go shopping together. I don't know.

What have you done tonight that you're too busy to just drive up to Manchester to accompany a (almost) stranger to a party?

Oh shit. How is Louis supposed to answer this question now? He can literally feel the panic rising within him and doesn't know what lie to tell Harry about his job. In addition, he finds it terrible to lie to this man in general anyway, who seems so gentle and honest, he shouldn't be dishonest to someone so dear, actually it goes completely against Louis' nature and he has a strong urge to smoke three stressful cigarettes in a row. But his bed is too cosy and warm and Harry is waiting for an answer, so Louis now just has to improvise and answer with the first thing that comes to mind.

BehindBlueEyesOfficial

Oh my god why are you so sweet? You don't have to cry about it, now I'm getting all emotional here too. And if your friends say that to you then they're not real friends! You're perfect just the way you are, at least to me. I have the feeling that you couldn't do anything wrong in my eyes anyway. I hope I'm not being too much now? I'm sorry if I am but I'm just so grateful that we met and I would like to give you a big hug. Okay, I'm definitely emotional, fuck.

I hope the woman you met treats you well as a possible new friend. If not, she is in trouble. I stalk her social media and send her nasty texts. Nobody messes with my Harry.

I hope it's okay for me to say that? I'm a bit insecure right now and am thinking about deleting it and on the other hand I know I don't have to hold back with you.

About my job, I'm a pilot and fly short haul most of the time which doesn't make it any better as my schedule is very busy. But next weekend I finally have time to see Paolo's concert here in London. I'm really looking forward to it. 

W.x

Louis nervously bites his fingernails, unfortunately a habit he can't break no matter how hard he tries. Left behind from his days or years of bullying and the nervousness of being exposed to the meanness of others at school. Is his excuse believable? But probably because only Louis knows that he's lying and Harry doesn't think about whether it's true or not. The poor guy probably assumes that Louis is being completely honest with him. Does Louis hate himself for it? Definitely. And yet, unfortunately, it is necessary. And again Harry interrupts his racing thoughts.

HES

Oh, I'm your Harry now? I like it so don't worry about it ;)

I feel like we're both a little too much from time to time and that's why it fits so perfectly. I really like that you don't shy away from becoming emotional because I'm just like that and I feel like I found my missing piece in you. It's a crazy thing to say but it is what it is. Can't change my feelings when we're talking.

And, please, never hold back with me. Just tell me everything unfiltered because those words show how beautiful you really are. So yes, call me your Harry and say you'd stalk my friends to make sure they treat me well. I love that protective streak actually.

Oh cool, a pilot. Maybe we already flew together? That would actually be so cool... I bet I liked the sound of your voice when you talked to the passengers.

I AM. FREAKING. OUT!!! Oh my God, I will be in London next weekend to see Paolo. Holy shit. We'll be in the same room. Let's meet and just enjoy it together. Oh my God, please say yes.

Louis drops his phone in shock. Where his cheeks were blushing in the first few sentences, all colour drained from his face at the end and he thinks he is close to a heart attack. What the fuck? What should he answer now? And anyway - did Harry just flirt with him completely unbothered? Did Louis flirt first? Fuck, they're both flirting.

Louis picks up his phone and reads the message a total of three times and is no wiser than before. Again he decides to just start writing, just like Harry wants.

BehindBlueEyesOfficial

Yes, from now on you are my Harry. And if you like it possessive then I'll take it a step further. You are my Harry all alone ;)

You're far too pretty to be without a protector at your side anyway, I'll always make sure that everyone treats you well, not just your new friend. And oops, did I really say you are pretty?

Yes, maybe we've even flown together, who knows. Although I don't know if you like my voice, I've been told many times it's not dark enough for a man. I didn't even know there was a standard for male voices? Okay, I'm getting off topic…

About the concert... Harry please don't be mad at me but I don't know if this is a good idea. It could ruin everything between us. What if you're disappointed in me? And in general I have a problem with such meetings because of the bullying back then. It leaves me feeling very insecure at times :(

W.x

Okay Louis definitely needs a cigarette to calm his nerves. What are the two of them doing here under the cover of night? He knows he'll regret flirting so obviously tomorrow, how can he think this is a good idea? But Harry has put him under a magic spell and Louis is seemingly hopeless at his mercy. How could something like this arise from comments on his fanfic? And especially so quickly? He can only hope that Harry doesn't keep insisting on a meeting and accepts his excuse. Especially since it's not even an excuse, what he wrote there is partly true. Just because he's on stage and already playing his music in front of some fans doesn't mean that the insecurity of his youth isn’t still there. He quickly runs outside to his balcony and lights a cigarette only to find Harry's new message.

HES

:( please, W., please. Don't you feel the connection between us? Don't you feel that I'm different, that we are different? I'll never be disappointed in you and meeting you in person could never ruin anything. You're such a beautiful person and I just know we will work even better in person...

Think about it, okay. I will be in London Friday to Monday. So maybe, just maybe, when you change your mind, we could meet. It doesn't have to be at the concert if you're worried about me ruining your night there. I don't know.

I don't want to force or pressure you. I'll accept it either way. Just... Think about it, okay?

HES

Thank you for calling me pretty though. It's an old picture so you don't actually know if you would think I'm pretty now too. Maybe you don't like my long hair now.

You could find out, you know...

HES

Sorry. I'm doing it again. I want to stop now.

What should Louis do? How is he supposed to resist this man? He can literally imagine the full lips puckering into a begging pout. This idea alone is enough to make him weak. He takes too much of a drag on his cigarette, feels like he's in a free fall and starts coughing. Louis has to keep his nerve.

BehindBlueEyesOfficial

Okay, I'll think about it. But if, and the emphasis is on if, then I would have our first meeting at the concert. It's a full circle ... it all started with Paolo and Louis, so to speak.

But still, what if you're really disappointed? It could happen. You only know me from the messages, what if you really think what an idiot I am or something?

And I probably think you're even prettier with long hair. As if anything could make you ugly, someone as beautiful and radiant as you. Oh shit, I should really stop. Doesn't it really make you uncomfortable that I say that?

And again, you don't have to hold back with me. Say anything you want. Because yes, I feel our connection too. Way too much to be honest. Fuck Harry, what are you doing to me?

Louis keeps staring at his phone, partly afraid of the reaction and partly unable to wait for it. Out of sheer stress alone, he is already lighting his next cigarette by the time his first cigarette is finished.

HES

Yes, okay, yes. Think about it. After your last message I even want to meet you more, just so you know. Your words, they mean so much to me.

And I would never be disappointed, are you kidding? I know your stories and already felt a connection there and now that we're talking privately I just know you're special. And that our connection is special.

And if you're an idiot then you're my idiot and I will cherish it.

I really want to be your Harry and you to be my idiot. Can we do that please?

Even if it's just online. I don't want to lose what we already have.

Louis closes his eyes for a moment, listening to his beating heart and how the blood pulses quickly through his veins so that he can even hear the pulse rushing in his ears. All or nothing? And Louis knows it's absolutely stupid and he really should stop himself but he can't. Apparently he has lost his mind.

BehindBlueEyesOfficial 

Okay, fuck it. I want to be your idiot. Online, real life, just everywhere. Let's meet at the concert okay? But please, if you're disappointed, then let me down nicely. I would never be mad at you, okay?

My Harry, you really managed to convince me. I can't believe I actually agree with this.

Louis just shakes his head at himself and sighs as he looks into the dark night in front of him and he’s getting cold. He's almost hoping that the night's chill will bring some clarity to his brain, but Louis knows he doesn't have to hope for that anymore. He takes one last drag of his cigarette and quickly rushes back to bed. With the blanket pulled up to his nose, he is already reading Harry's answer.

HES

Yes! God, I can't wait. I'll meet my idiot in just over one and a half weeks. I can't wait.

I won't be disappointed but IF and that's a huge if I feel the need to put you down I'd always do it nicely. Treat people with kindness is my motto.

But I just know that we'll have the best night together.

BehindBlueEyesOfficial

Okay, that's good to know. I'm looking forward to the meeting and at the same time I'm very scared. I think I'd better go to bed now. We'll work out exactly where and when we'll meet, okay? Sleep well my Harry and sweet dreams.

Your idiot x

He doesn't have to wait long for the answer and again he can't help but smile.

HES

OK. Goodnight. Dream of me. Or not. I don't know. Sorry, too fast forward again. Shit. Why am I nervous now? God. Sorry. This is a mess.

I'll just stop now.

Good night xxx

Louis looks at Harry's photo one last time and then locks his phone and puts it aside. Tomorrow is an exciting day after all, even if Harry has almost made him forget all of it.

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

Today is the day. Louis single is out and to celebrate the day there is a small champagne reception in the morning at the building of his management.

Louis stands between his team while everyone toasts him and he has a fake smile on his face. To be honest, he doesn't like any of these people. He would love to have Harry with him now, he knows exactly he would give him comfort. How can you feel such longing for a person whose voice you don't even know or have ever seen in real life? It's completely crazy and yet since their nightly texts, Louis has been wondering whether you can only lose yourself in a character? Just over words exchanged? Would something like that be possible? Until a few weeks ago, Louis would have vehemently said no, you have to have a person in front of you, feel the aura and everything that defines them. But now he is unsure. Especially since he's still one step further in all of this since he at least knows Harry's side profile and knows he certainly looks beautiful in all his glory. And his character is also so beautiful. 

Fuck, Louis really needs to get some distance. Even though he actually knows that he has long since lost it. He will never really be able to keep his distance from Harry, especially not with the prospect of their meeting. Like every time, Louis feels sick at the thought of it because Harry will be blown away. And he doesn't know how he will react to his lies. But he's in too deep and doesn't want to resolve it through text, he wants to explain it in person. And shove an NDA under his nose willy-nilly. Louis already hates it and has even considered just using an excuse and telling Harry he got sick. But he can't bring himself to do that because... It's Harry. That's reason enough. Fuck.

Louis hardly notices the party around him, he just drinks from his glass of champagne, lost in thought, and would like to have a bottle of vodka instead to calm his head. And his heart. Once again - fuck.

He almost gratefully notices that little by little the small gathering is breaking up because everyone has to go back to their jobs and after saying goodbye to everyone, he exhales gratefully in front of the building.

His driver is already waiting for him in the car in front of the entrance and Louis just wants to go home.

While he's still driving, he sends a tweet to his fans and shares the posts from his official page on Instagram in his own story with the latest photos of him for the single release.

Louis Tomlinson

Out of my system. Out now!

While he is still reading the replies from his fans under his post, he suddenly sees a message from tumblr appear and Louis laughs out loud when he reads it.

HES

Oh my God, have you seen this??? I mean have you seen this? And listened to it? God, I'm dying over here. What a day.

Hello by the way.

HES

I just realised you probably don't know what I'm talking about. Or maybe you know. I don't know.

But have you seen the new pictures of Louis? I mean honestly how hot can a man be? Like he's my wet dream come true. Just look at his ass. Oh my god. And his hips and arms and tattoos and cheekbones and those eyes. I need to calm down or I'll pass out over it. He's just perfect.

Just imagine seeing him in real life one day, looking at you like he looks at the camera.

I would probably become hard just from one look. How can a man be this perfect?

HES

Sorry I put that all on you, but I'm really freaking out over here.

Now I'll listen to that perfect song on repeat, because I hope his voice will calm me down again. Have I told you that I really love his voice? From the beginning. It's so special. I don't know. But if I don't answer anymore I'm busy listening to out of my system while ogling Louis.

His driver gives him an amused look in the rearview mirror as Louis just can't stop himself from giggling.

BehindBlueEyesOfficial

Oh Harry, is that so? Tell me more, I'm all ears. But I also really like his arse, I think it's his best asset haha. I'm already listening to the song on a loop. And I really like his voice too, although I think Louis is sometimes insecure about it. He sometimes looks like that on stage, don't you think?

But I'm a little jealous of him. The way you talk about him, I probably have no chance of convincing you of me at the concert. Nobody can compete with Louis, huh?

Writing with Harry made the drive fly by and he gets out in front of his house with a big grin and a lighter heart.

If Harry reacts like this to his pictures and his song, he definitely won't be disappointed in him, right? Although of course he could be angry with him for never revealing his real identity. Louis would understand but still hopes that Harry will understand his unusual situation. It remains to be seen what will happen next for both of them.

But his happy bubble quickly bursts when a call comes in from Pete.

"Yes?"

“Louis! Your first place is in danger! The streams have been going so well so far, but there’s another newcomer who could ruin everything!” Pete shouts and Louis has to hold the phone away from his ear for a moment.

“Okay, then that’s just the way it is. What should I change about it now?” Louis asks and feels his stomach tighten.

“Tomorrow morning another pap walk with Florence. We also send out fake fans who then post pictures with you on Twitter and tell how cute you were and so on and so forth. We need more press. You could have tried harder with Miss Pugh in general. Starting tomorrow, no more half measures! We need more promo for the song!”

Louis sighs but admits defeat, he has no other choice anyway. "Okay. Who is the other one anyway?”

“Harry Styles. Perfect voice and looks and last seen with Emma Watson which has already earned him articles! We have to stop it!” Pete’s voice is completely excited and not in the best way. Louis can imagine him probably nervously pacing back and forth in his office.

“Never heard of the guy. But don't worry, Pete. Flo and I will give it our all tomorrow. Your cash register will ring. Send me the details again by email.”

And Louis has absolutely no guilt when he just hangs up and even lets Harry's message, which he is already seeing, wait for a moment longer.

Curious, he googles the man's name and doesn't find much about Harry Styles. Just the link to his single, which was also released today, a small Wikipedia article and the photos with Emma Watson. A handsome man, Louis has to admit that. He even reminds him of someone but Louis just can't think of who. Probably one of the many celebrities he has met at some point in his life. He decides to listen to the single later and now wants to read the message from Harry.

HES

Sorry, now that I read it again I feel so embarrassed about my fangirling.

You don't have to be envious, my stupid little idiot.

Yes, he's hot and yes I adore him, that's true. But he's not real. He's pictures and videos and my imagination. What we have is real and I think you might have a chance.

But maybe if you meet me in person you don't even want to have a chance with me. Maybe you think, no thanks, and just try to get rid of me like everyone else did.

Sorry I'm emotional today. I thought a lot about my past.

Let's not talk about it but about Louis. ;)

Sometimes he seems a bit insecure about his voice but I don't know where it comes from. His voice is so soft and angelic, special and a voice to always be recognised. It's really beautiful and everyone else can hear it. I don't know what happened that he becomes insecure about it from time to time.

I personally think it's perfect and he deserves so much more.

The tears swimming in his eyes will forever remain his secret, but Harry's message is so healing, it's like a balm over his soul and the many little craters in it that the reviews from others have left there. Sniffling, he quickly types out an answer.

BehindBlueEyesOfficial

You're so perfect Harry. I like you so much, you can't even imagine. And I never want to lose you, do you hear me? Never never never! You'll always be my Harry and I'm probably already too attached to you. Sorry I'm needy. For you. Help, I should really stop.

I just came across a newcomer by chance. His name is Harry Styles and he released a single today. Do you know him?

When he sent the message, he read through Harry's last message countless times. Bathes in the words, literally immerses himself in them while his poor little heart beats far too wildly.

Chapter Text

Writing is a form of therapy; sometimes I wonder how all those who do not write, compose, or paint can manage to escape the madness, melancholia, the panic and fear which is inherent in a human situation.

- Graham Greene

BehindBlueEyesOfficial

You're so perfect Harry. I like you so much, you can't even imagine. And I never want to lose you, do you hear me? Never never never! You'll always be my Harry and I'm probably already too attached to you. Sorry I'm needy. For you. Help, I should really stop.

I just came across a newcomer by chance. His name is Harry Styles and he released a single today. Do you know him?

Looking down at his words, Harry starts to cry. Never in his life has he felt so loved for just who he is. He always tried to hide the ugly parts of him, the parts that are too much, because he knew no one would accept him like that. 

And now W. just comes along and says everything his heart desperately needed to hear for years. He knows every part of him, every ugly detail of his past and W. still wants to be his idiot and doesn't want to lose him. It's too much for Harry and he doesn't care that his eyes will still be red from crying when he sings his song at a small, local TV show to promote it. His stylist just has to do a good job. 

It's been a crazy day with his song and Louis' being released today. Directly after his workout he was busy with phone calls, one radio interview, listening to Out of my system, looking at hot pictures of Louis, trying not to become too aroused by that, talking to W. and writing the first chapters of his very own fanfiction. 

When W. told him to just write for himself, he was still hesitant about it, but then he couldn't let go of the thought of writing his own story, anonymous and wrapped in fanfiction. 

So he started Thursday night when he was too nervous about his song being released. Writing almost all night, he now has a decent idea of how the story will go and he personally thinks it could become a good fanfic. He used Louis Tomlinson and Harry Styles for his story though, a new pairing without a fandom yet but if he only writes for himself it doesn't matter anyway. 

Due to all of that, his day was really exhausting and it's nowhere near over yet. 

Wiping away his tears he reads W.’s text again and only now realises that he asked about him. About Harry Styles, who he is and holy shit. What should he answer now? And what if W. doesn't like Harry's music and his looks and won't meet up with him when he knows the truth? 

It can't happen, Harry needs him. He needs this to work out. 

After all that flirting he even thinks that maybe they have a chance in a romantic way and he doesn't want to ruin it before it even starts. 

Suddenly insecure about everything again, he types out his reply. 

HES

Sorry, it took me a while to reply but I don't think you realised what those words would do to me. What they mean to me. 

You said I should just be myself and that I won't be too much. I hope this is still true because I feel the need to tell you this: All my life I wanted to find someone like you. Someone who knows every facet of my mind, every ugly part of me, and who still likes me and wants to spend time with me. 

I feel like you might be that person and with your last message you made me cry. Cry out of hope and because I'm so glad I found you. 

You won't lose me, I won't go anywhere as long as you let me stay. Please let me stay. 

Huh. I guess we're both too attached and needy then. Perfect. Match made in heaven! 

And to your question: Yes, I've listened to the song and saw some articles about Harry Styles and Emma Watson being friends. 

I think it's funny we have the same name ;) 

Have you already listened to his song? Do you like it?

He actually is needy. How desperate can he be, asking W. for his opinion on himself without telling him he's Harry Styles? God, what a mess. And he'll find out about it in just over a week anyway when they meet at the concert. That's so embarrassing. He doesn't get the chance to dive into his spiralling thoughts too much. Thankfully, a new message saves him. 

BehindBlueEyesOfficial  

No, I haven't listened to his song yet. That would give him one more stream and I want to give them to Louis alone haha. What's more, writing to you is much more important to me than any newcomer that has the same name as you :)

I actually shed a few tears too. It feels so real with you, so indescribable. I don't know what to do with this warm feeling you give me. It's almost like coming home with you. Thank you that you exist and for your friendship, that you take me just the way I am even though I'm (your) idiot.

I'll never let you go again. Of course I'll let you stay.

Fuck why are we so emotional? How good that nobody reads our messages, they would probably declare us crazy.

He didn't listen to his song. On one hand, it's good news but on the other hand he's really devastated by that. He's so proud of this song, his first single ever and he put so much love into every single word he wrote for it and something inside of Harry tells him that W. must listen to that song. He doesn't know why it's important for him but somehow it is. 

HES 

They definitely would do that. Even I think we're crazy and I'm part of this madness. 

I really love our friendship and can't even imagine a day without texting you by now. It's so surreal if you think about it. In my head I divide my life in before and after you now. After you, which means after I met you, is way better so far.

Breathing in and out deeply, Harry decides to try and ask W. to listen to his song just one more time, hoping he will actually like it and not destroy him by telling him his music is shit. He doesn't think he could handle it, not coming from a person he cares about so deeply. 

HES  

And I know Louis deserves all the streams and I listen to him on repeat as well but maybe you could listen to Sign of the times anyway? I really like that song.

The answer comes immediately and makes him smile a little. 

BehindBlueEyesOfficial

Okay, because I can’t deny you a wish, of course I'll listen to the song. Right now. I'll write you my opinion in a minute.

The minute goes by insanely slowly. It has to be more than a minute really, because his song isn't just a minute long and he knows it but Harry anticipates the answer as if his life depends on it. 

BehindBlueEyesOfficial

Okay first of all, an insanely good voice. I like the depth behind it and also when he sings the high parts. However, I don't know exactly how to take the lyrics. What is he trying to say? I have to say that Louis‘ songs are easier to understand and I can identify with them directly. Do you happen to know what Harry wants to express with the song? If I were to see it from my gay point of view, then I would say it definitely has that vibe. Maybe I should google if I can find anything about his sexuality. Oh man I can't lose myself in another fandom. Although he's new, he probably won't have a big fandom yet.

What do you think of the song? How would you analyse the lyrics? And do you think Harry Styles is as hot as Louis? You can't cheat on our King, remember that!

BehindBlueEyesOfficial

Oh and before I forget: I feel the same way about us. Everything you say applies to me as well. Many many many hugs from afar and a little smooch on your dimple. Because it's sweet

While reading his messages, Harry feels a subtle blush creeping across his cheeks. W. thinks his voice is good and that compliment alone means more than every other one he got over the last few months. He even thinks about joining -or more likely starting- his fandom and finding out about his sexuality. And he thinks his dimples are sweet. That's just insane. Maybe he'd just reveal who he is now. What if W. is angry with him when he finds out at the concert? 

But he can't do that, he can't lose him now without ever seeing him and telling him eye to eye why he wasn't completely honest. 

But how on earth should he answer the question whether he thinks Harry is hot or not?  He doesn't want to say no to that because he surely hopes W. thinks he's hot and he doesn't want to spoil his opinion. Saying he's hot when it's about himself doesn't feel right as well. Shit. 

Why did he ask about Harry Styles in the first place? That was just so stupid. 

Sighing, he tries to form a coherent answer to that. 

HES

Thank you for the compliment on my dimple. I think I would even let you kiss me there if you'd ask nicely… 

And now to Sign of the times. I know exactly what you mean but maybe it's just not as easy because we don't know anything about Harry Styles yet? With Louis we know the background, which explains the song to us in a way, but we don't know anything about Harry Styles (I already googled by the way and I can't find anything about his sexuality online). 

But for me the song is about escapism, facing difficult situations, and the need for hope in the face of adversity. I think he wants to tell us to live in the moment. 

No one is as hot as Louis! I would never say that, obviously. You know how I reacted earlier. But yes, I think Harry is good looking, but I don't really have time to look at pictures of him right now to actually say anything about his looks. 

I have to leave you for now, but I'll come back to you later, my idiot :) 

Love, Harry x

He actually has a little more time until he has to get ready for the TV show, but he panicked and didn't know how to handle the situation any better. Harry still waits for a reply before closing Tumblr, having to know how W. reacts. 

BehindBlueEyesOfficial  

Oh I'll ask you nicely when I see you...

I really like your take on the song. I've listened to it again now and there's a bit of melancholy in there too. A longing for more understanding for whatever. It's as if he's hinting at something that I can't grasp, but maybe that's exactly what it's supposed to be. Perhaps everyone should find their own interpretation in it.

I am reassured that Louis is still your number one. He deserves so much to finally be seen and I hope we get him to number one in the charts.

What are you up to today? Are you away for longer? I will definitely miss you, even though I have a flight later. But only to Germany and therefore not for long, so we can always write again later if you feel like it.

See you later my Harry, take care of yourself.

W. xxx

Harry smiles brightly at his phone, his features lighting up with warmth. His eyes crinkle at the corners, and a genuine, infectious happiness radiates from his expression. It's the kind of smile that reflects a moment of joy or connection from a meaningful interaction on the screen.

He can't believe they're actually flirting again, but the question doesn't leave room for any misinterpretation. It's blatant flirting and Harry really hopes W. means it like that. 

He wants him to kiss him there even if it sounds crazy as they never even spoke to each other in person. Harry doesn't even know what W. looks like but by now he doesn't even care. Their connection is more important than any physical attraction can be. He just hopes W. feels the same about him. 

HES

God, now I'm thinking of you kissing my dimple. You're gonna be the death of me someday. 

I have an appointment for work but it should only take a couple of hours. So maybe if I'm not too tired afterwards we have more time to talk tonight. 

Gotta go xxx

A look at his watch shows him he still has about forty minutes left until his driver will pick him up so he opens his laptop and dives back into his fanfiction about himself and Louis. He decided to write it out of Louis' point of view so that Louis is the one who suffers from his past. 

Harry is actually shocked how fast he wrote the first three chapters. It was easy given that many of Louis' thoughts are his own, even if he builds a different story around all of it and maybe writes everything a little more dramatic from time to time. 

Knowing well he won't manage to write a whole new chapter until he has to go, he decides to just read it from the beginning, looking for mistakes or formulations that aren't smooth. 

"I can't go there, mum." Louis whines with tears in his eyes. "I'm not strong enough yet." 

Jay takes a step closer to him and rests her hands lightly on both of Louis' upper arms. Louis looks down. He doesn't want to show his mum how weak he really is. She shouldn't witness that. Not again.

Throughout the past few years, she has been through a lot with him. Occasionally, Louis grapples with feelings of guilt over the situation. He knows his siblings didn’t get the attention they deserved, needed even. And all because he was and still is weak.

A broken boy who still at the age of 27 needs his mum to manage his day to day life. 

"Look at me, baby," Jay says firmly. She waits patiently until Louis finally looks into her warm, concerned eyes. 

"You can do it. You will go there and show everyone what you've become. You are so strong. Stronger than you think. I believe in you." 

Louis wants nothing more than to be able to believe in her words, but to this day, she doesn't know how broken he really is. 

How much pain he still holds inside himself, because he never told her what really happened in his school years. 

Louis doesn’t want to drag her down with him. He’s sure Jay couldn’t handle this burden. And what he despises the most is how she pities him. 

Slowly he breathes. 

In... and out. 

In... and out. 

Just as his therapist Laura showed him. 

He pushes away his tears and repeats his mother's sentence in his head again and again. Like a Mantra. 

You are so strong. You are so strong. You are so strong.

He knows he made progress those last years. He tries so hard. 

Every day is a fight and against all odds, he's still here. If you’d asked Louis 11 years ago, he would have sworn he wouldn’t be alive anymore. 

But somehow, here he is. Alive and about to make a huge mistake.

Why he agreed to go to his 10 year anniversary graduation school meeting, he still doesn't know. The decision to go felt correct initially, but now Louis is overwhelmed with sickness, anticipating an imminent panic attack.

It is a disaster… 

Harry edits his chapters until the very last possible second and even in the car he keeps on reading and editing a few things here and there on his phone. 

Maybe he should show W. what he wrote? He would really value his opinion, given he's the best writer in Harry's opinion but he isn't sure if he could handle him not liking his story. And what if he thinks he's a loser for writing fanfiction about himself? God, why did he choose to write it about himself? He could have just written it about Louis and Paolo but he just couldn't help himself. 

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Shocked by how much makeup they put on his face, Harry complains about it to his stylist for the evening who just laughs at him and tells him that she knows best what will look good on TV. She's probably right so he shuts up and doesn't say anything else. Instead he thinks about kissing W. and how their first meeting will go. Will they lock eyes and instantly feel the connection again or will his lie overshadow everything? 

It doesn't take long until a young man guides him to a door, telling him to go out there and directly onto the stage when he hears his name. 

He wasn't nervous before but now he feels like he's about to puke. 

Feeling numb, he opens the door when he hears his name. 

Harry steps onto the stage, the weight of anticipation heavy in the air. The small but eager crowd awaits the TV show debut of Sign of the Times. Nervous energy flutters beneath his cool exterior, but he channels it into a determined focus.

Dressed in a vintage-inspired suit that mirrors his distinctive style, he grips the microphone with a mix of anxiety and excitement. The stage lights illuminate his tousled hair as he takes a deep breath, centering himself before the haunting melody begins.

As the first notes fill the room, Harry's nerves give way to the pure passion of his performance. The vulnerability in his voice echoes the emotional depth of the song. With each lyric, he connects with the audience, pouring his heart into the music.

Despite the initial nervousness, Harry finds solace in the power of his singing. The small crowd becomes an intimate space where his raw talent and genuine emotion take center stage. As the final notes linger in the air, he feels a sense of accomplishment, having conquered the nerves to share his music in a truly authentic way.

The small audience, initially unsure of what to expect from Harry Styles, erupts into spontaneous applause as the last notes of Sign of the Times fade away. Their surprise is palpable, evident in the genuine smiles and exchanged glances. The applause starts as a ripple, gradually building into a hearty ovation that fills the room. 

Wide-eyed and perhaps a bit taken aback by the warmth of the reception, Harry stands on the stage, a modest smile playing on his lips. The audience, now fully captivated by his unexpected talent, continues to applaud, their applause echoing off the walls of the intimate venue.

The following interview is short and he doesn't even have the chance to talk about his song or his upcoming album. All the interviewer wants to talk about is how he looks and his love life and Harry tries hard to stay nice when he answers the few questions. 

On his way back Harry dives back into his fanfiction trying to calm his nerves with writing. 

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On Saturday, Harry immerses himself in his own world of creativity, hunched over his laptop, crafting a fanfiction narrative that reflects his vivid imagination. The day unfolds with a rhythm of keystrokes and pauses only when hunger calls or when W. texts him. W. must be really busy today but that's okay. He enjoys writing down his thoughts and with each word he feels more sure about it. 

He takes breaks to savour bites of his meal, the taste lingering on his palate as he contemplates the next twist in the story. The glow of the screen illuminates his focused expression, and as he types, the characters in his fanfiction come to life, each word a brushstroke on the canvas of his imagination.

In this solitary yet fulfilling pursuit, Harry finds solace and joy, seamlessly blending his love for storytelling with the simple pleasure of a well-deserved meal. The outside world fades away as he becomes lost in the world he's creating, each chapter a testament to his passion for writing.

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

On Sunday, he wakes up early, missing W. but still feeling refreshed and in a good mood. 

His song performs well, he now uses writing as an outlet to let go of negative emotions and he found a new friend that might even become more in the near future. Life can be really beautiful sometimes and today Harry feels blessed. 

Making a reckless decision he doesn't think too much about it and types out a message to the only person he thinks about nowadays. 

HES  

Good morning, my sunshine, my idiot, my soulmate. :) 

How are you today? 

I just woke up and I don't know why but I'm in an extremely good mood today. 

And I kind of feel bold. 

You know how we talked about Harry Styles, the newcomer? 

I don't know if you've seen anything about it but some people in our fandom think Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson would be cute together. They already gave them a ship name: Larry Stylinson. 

So, erm... I did a thing…

Feeling nervous again, he bites his fingernails and looks down at his phone, eagerly waiting for W.’s answer. 

It doesn't take long and Harry holds his breath while reading his reply. 

BehindBlueEyesOfficial  

Good morning my Harry. What a wonderful message to wake up to. Soulmate... Yes, I like that. That's exactly the right word to describe us. Fuck, you make me so happy.

And I'm glad you're doing so well. I can literally feel it in every word you write. I would love to see a whole smile from you and not just one from your side profile. But it would be strange to ask for a photo when you don't even know what I look like. We'll just let ourselves be surprised next weekend, won't we?

And now for the other part. My reaction: excuse me what?

Why are people shipping these two? Harry Styles and Louis? Although I imagine Louis could certainly take a liking to the man if he wasn't caught up in this extremely stupid stunt with Florence Pugh. The more I think about it, the more I like the idea!

And what exactly did you do? Is that what I reckon?

Glad for not having to find an excuse why he can't send a picture he decides to just agree to that plan, even if he really wants to know how W. looks like. He'll see soon enough and he doesn't need a picture to know he will look perfect in Harry's eyes.

HES

Yes, next weekend. I can't wait. Oh my god I hope you'll still like me when you know who I am. Please.

And oh my God, you're thinking they're a stunt too? I thought so from the beginning as everyone else did but after that pap walk with some fans yesterday, so many fans started to believe it. Why? His smile even looks forced whenever he is with her. I don't know how anyone can believe it. 

I don't know why they ship them but I don't know… I kind of thought the same. They would look cute together. Imagine how tiny Louis would look next to Harry. And I read more about what Emma Watson said about him and he seems to be really kind and funny. Maybe he's exactly what Louis needs? 

I actually don't know, but yeah, I got carried away over it and I started to write down my own fanfiction. About Louis and Harry, but first of all about things that happened to me. 

And I thought that maybe… I don't know. Are you interested in reading what I wrote so far? It's probably really bad and doesn't make sense at all but I don't know. Do you want to? Read it, I mean… 

Sighing looks down at his phone again. It is as if he doesn't do anything else lately. His whole world circles around W. and his fanfiction he started writing only because of W. Basically, Harry is just screwed and if their meeting next week will be a disaster his heart will break into pieces. Which is stupid because he doesn't really know W., but he can't help himself.

Harry just hopes W. actually feels the same for him. 

BehindBlueEyesOfficial

Darling, of course I like you. Always. Even if you weren't so beautiful but an old grandpa with white hair and dentures. First of all, I like your character. Soulmates, don't forget that.

And yes, it's absolutely a stunt. You can see that straight away. I always have to imagine how Louis must feel when he has to play this farce. I mean come on... have you seen how his hips move when he walks? Or the wrist? The man is gay! But I think most of his fans know it's fake and maybe Louis is even secretly reading along and it gives him strength to get through all this.

Don't let Louis know that you called him tiny. You know he doesn't like it when people call him that. But I won't tell on you haha ;) I don't even know how tall Harry Styles is, I haven't given him much thought. All my attention is currently focussed on one man ... but he has the same name, just as a hint.

And yes please let me read it! Nothing can be bad that comes from you. Give it to me, I can hardly wait (I mean the story obviously) Send it to me! And thank you for your trust that you let me read it ♥️

Harry's heart quickens its pace in sync with the glow of his phone screen. The message from his idiot lights up his face with an involuntary smile. As he reads the words, a warmth spreads through him, and the realisation of how fortunate he is to have found this connection sets in.

His fingertips dance over the screen in response, typing out a reply fueled by the elation coursing through him. In this digital exchange, every word becomes a heartbeat, each message a testament to the unique bond he shares with the person on the other end of the conversation.

As he reflects on their connection, Harry can't help but marvel at the serendipity that brought them together. The joy radiates from his expression, and for a moment, the world around him fades away as he immerses himself in the magic of feeling truly connected to someone as special as W. 

HES

Oh God, do you even realise how cute you are. I'm staring at my phone smiling like an idiot, when you should be the idiot out of the two of us. Oh and I'm blushing because you said I'm all you think about and now I get my hopes up about us and shit. Sorry. TMI. 

Oh, and I would never call Louis tiny. NEVER. I feel like he's even more insecure about that than about his voice. Did you notice how he always takes pictures on his tiptoes just to seem taller? That's so cute. 

And yeah, Louis just gives gay vibes with every movement but what I don't understand is why he would deny himself now? Sure, he wants to be more popular, but he's done alright without ever labelling himself, so why would he start selling his soul now? I would never do that. It's a huge step back for the community and himself. I mean, I don't want to judge him, obviously, because I love him and I get that it's not easy but at the same time I'm a little angry about him agreeing to a thing like that. Do you know what I mean? 

Okay, I'll send you the first four chapters now. But, W., please keep in mind that this is the first time I've ever done anything like that… I'm really nervous about anyone reading this. 

When he attaches a link to his fanfiction Harry feels like he's on a brick of a panic attack, feeling naked and vulnerable all of a sudden. Sure, W. already knows almost everything about his past but some thoughts he described there will be new to him. God, he just hopes that W. likes his story, his writing style and won't see him differently after reading his intimate thoughts. 

The next message startles him and he quickly reads it. 

BehindBlueEyesOfficial

Harry, my wonderful Harry. You don't even know what I look like. Maybe I'm the grandad with dentures and white hair and then? Do you really want to get your hopes up about that?

And you're not an idiot, the title is all mine. But you know what I sometimes call you in my head? Dimple heart. Now, who's the idiot? Sorry if I'm making you uncomfortable or something. I can never mention it again if you want.

Hmm, it's hard to say why Louis is doing it. I don't want to know what's going on in the background with management and so on that we can't even know or suspect. But I don't think Louis did it entirely voluntarily, at least judging by the miserable look on his face in the photos. Don't be angry with him, I totally get your point but you know that a closet often means protection. It's not always involuntary. And even if he has agreed to it then I know there is a good reason behind it. Maybe we'll know more in a few months. But my personal opinion is: he's doing it to draw more attention to his music. I just hope it will be his last PR stunt.

And please don't stress yourself out so much. I'll give you my honest opinion, okay? So if I say it's good, then it's good. And otherwise I'll tell you nicely if there's anything missing. But I'm sure it's perfect like you.

Love, W.

He didn't tell him when he plans on reading it. Is W. about to start right now or later? Harry doesn't want to ask though, he's already too nervous about the situation. Did he make a huge mistake by showing someone his story? 

Focusing on the first part he types out a reply, his hands shaking and barely able to concentrate anymore. 

HES

Dimple heart, dimple heart, dimple heart. 

Sounds strange but cute somehow. I like it. Maybe I should change my username to it? 

I don't care what you look like anymore, I just know I'll like everything about you. 

God, you reading my fanfiction makes me so nervous. I'm sweating over here. 

I wish you were here to calm my nerves and take me into your arms. x

W. isn’t here though so he has to calm himself down. 

Trying to occupy himself, he opens the chapter he currently works on and starts typing again. If he continues writing as much as he does this weekend the story will be finished in no time.

Chapter Text

You are the sun, and
I am the moon; what light
you see in me, is merely yours, reflected across the length of night.

-William C. Hannan

BehindBlueEyesOfficial

Oh my fucking god. I've already read the first three chapters and I'm already completely caught up in the story. I love how much you make it possible to sympathise with Louis, your writing style. Fuck dimple heart, you are something very special. I knew it could only be good. I have one quick question before I unfortunately start the last chapter: is there smut in here?

HES

You don't know how relieved I feel. Thank you for your kind words. I'm actually freaking out about YOU liking my writing style and story, because what the hell? You're such an amazing author and when you like it, it means so much. I hope you're honest here because your reaction alone gives me so much energy and a boost of self confidence.

And to your question:

Yeah, there will be smut for sure. I think you're about to read one scene, but it takes some time until Louis figures everything out and is ready to actually have sex. 

I'm already writing more so maybe you'll read it soon.

Louis takes a deep breath and exhales. It's one thing to write smut about yourself, but another to read it from someone else's point of view. Especially when it comes from Harry's imagination. Who doesn't even realise he's just sent smut to Louis himself. Oh god he's going to hate him so much next weekend. He already feels sorry for Harry when he thinks about how he must feel about it but they're soulmates and yeah... Louis just hopes that even something like this won't tear them apart.

Eventually his curiosity gets the better of him and he starts to read.

At 12 AM Louis gives up his hope for sleep and gets up to sit at his computer.

Louis opens facebook and finds the anniversary celebration group of his school. He isn’t sure if it’s a smart decision to have a look at the many pictures and texts posted there but he just can’t resist. 

At first, he just sees many pictures of the decoration. Apparently, there was a wall with old school pictures of all of them which he missed. He must have been even more nervous than he thought when he didn’t see a whole wall with pictures on it. In the safety of his own room Louis allows himself to have a close look at those pictures. 

There are group pictures and portraits. Pictures from school parties and sports events. He can’t find a picture of himself there but that’s probably for the best.

Even if Louis asks himself if they did that on purpose or simply forgot about his existence.

Okay so far so good, Louis lets go of the breath he was holding and tries to relax a little more because it's still just fantasy and not real. Only that his name will be there at some point. Easy peasy.

There are several pictures of Harry there. Harry alone, with his friends, with a girlfriend and even with his first boyfriend after he came out as bi.

Louis can’t resist picturing him in Harry’s arms instead of this boy. He is sure they would look good together. At least, Harry would always look good and nobody would look at Louis anyway.

"Excuse me?" Louis says indignantly in amusement and a small grin covers his face. It's almost as if teenage Louis is really talking and he feels a bit caught out in his insecurity. 

At this moment, Louis gets an idea how to calm himself and maybe even get tired. 

In a rush, he copies all pictures with Harry out of facebook and saves them on his computer. Quickly he prints them out so that he can have a look at them whenever he feels like it without using his computer.

"Yes, yes for sure. Pure wanking material. Louis you naughty bastard." Louis mumbles quietly as he reads the lines and can't help but giggle a little.

Then Louis hesitates, not sure if this really is a good idea. 

He sighs. Now that he had thought about it, his thoughts won’t stop without him acting on them.

Louis gets up to get some lube and tissues.

"Like I said," Louis smirks to himself and can't believe that his Harry really has written this and he's reading it. The whole situation is too absurd.

Sitting again in front of the pictures of Harry, Louis still hesitates. He hasn’t had a wank in over 3 months and rarely feels the urge to do so.

Louis' jaw drops in shock. "Girl what? Could never be me, fuck my balls would have already turned blue or fallen off."

Somehow, he feels bad about Harry turning him on this much but he tells himself, a bad conscience isn’t a solution either. 

He takes out his already half hard cock and begins to stroke himself lightly. 

Louis tries to turn off his thoughts and only focus on Harry and the feeling of his hand on his cock. 

He looks at the pictures, at Harry’s beautiful dimples and eyes. At his full, inviting lips with a natural curve. 

Louis wonders how it would feel to have those pink lips on his own or even around his cock.  

Okay wow, now Louis has to think about it himself. In order to visualise it exactly, he quickly jumps into his internet browser and googles images of Harry Styles again, having to take another close look at what he looks like. For science only, obviously. And yes damn, those full pink soft pillows he calls his lips would really look perfect around a cock. Louis blushes and doesn’t even know why and clicks quickly back to the story. 

At this thought, Louis’ cock grows even more. He is fully hard now and Louis needs a little more. He wets his cock with lube and closes his eyes. 

His mind wanders from Harry’s face down to his muscular body. In his fantasy Harry just wears tiny shorts and nothing else. 

He looks at his abs, his chest and especially Harry’s long, lean legs. 

Louis just wants to put his cock between his inner thighs and fuck between them. He imagines the warmth and pressure around his cock as he strokes himself even faster,  always picturing himself fucking Harry’s thighs in the same rhythm. 

Louis can't help but squeeze his cock briefly over his pants. He can't get hard now from smut about himself and Harry Styles. This is completely crazy. It's practically his rival in the battle for the first place in the charts and he also has his very own dimple heart. Nobody can compete with him anyway. But it only shows what a good writer Harry is when he puts these thoughts in his head which make him half hard. 

With his other hand Louis touches his hard nipples and twists them lightly. The piercing pain turns Louis on even more and he starts to breathe heavily. 

A soft moan escapes him when he pictures Harry’s hands on his back and his ass. He imagines Harry moaning Louis’ name in pleasure and pressing his thighs tightly together for more friction.

Louis twists his nipple a second time and feels that he is close. He strokes his full length with hard and fast strokes and already feels his groin tingle. 

He thinks about kissing Harry while still fucking his thighs. In his imagination Harry takes his bottom lip between his teeth and bites him lightly. 

The thought alone turns him on so much that Louis moans loudly and comes hard with this last image in his head. 

He feels his cum all over his stomach and hand. Louis takes his time to come down from his post orgasm high. He still breathes heavily and has his fingers around his cock when he feels himself finally calm down.

Louis feels his cock become soft again and waits until he breathes normal again before pushing himself up to take a shower in the middle of the night.

Okay everything is good. It was just a short wanking scene and Louis is not hard at all. Nope.

Damn, of course he's hard. But not because of Harry Styles, but because he imagined his Harry as he read it, even if he only knows his side profile, he’s still his dream man, inside and out. But Louis only breathes away his arousal because he knows that someone is sitting there behind a phone, eagerly awaiting his feedback. No wanking session for the real Louis. Instead, he will now end the chapter and be totally cool about the smut. And so he reads the whole chapter, his eyes literally flying over the remaining words and once again he marvels about Harry’s writing skills. 

BehindBlueEyesOfficial

Oh Harry, you sweetheart. You act like I'm who knows what kind of writer. I only write my little fan fiction and hope they’re not totally crap and I'm certainly no writing guru. But thank you for your compliment. Which I can only return. I love the way you play with words and again it was an excellent chapter. I immediately want more and to know what happens next!

The smut scene was also hot although it's weird to imagine Harry Styles with Louis when I only read about the pairing with Paolo so far. But I've actually got used to it and the idea of Larry isn't as weird as it was at the beginning haha.

Louis has completely forgotten to eat, too caught up in the story of Harry, his own fate interwoven with it and Louis can't believe that he already knows all this about Harry after such a short time. They already have such a strong bond and Louis' heart is beating a little faster just because of it. But he can’t live alone from reading a perfect story or messages with Harry and so he goes with his phone in his hand into the kitchen and makes himself a sandwich. Always with an eye on his phone which is laying on the kitchen counter so he doesn’t miss a single message from Harry. 

HES  

For me, you're a really special writer. Your stories talk to me like no others do so for me it's something special that you of all people like what I write. Especially when you're not a fan of the pairing. I usually stick to what I like and think it's really weird when the pairing is different. 

I mostly don't like stories when I'm not into the pairing.

But it sounds like maybe I have a chance to turn you into a Larry ;) 

I actually have already written more. Do you want to read it?

HES

Oh, and I have an official request: 

Would you do me the honour to become my beta for this story?

Louis skims Harry's message while simultaneously finishing his toast and hungrily taking his first bite. He actually needs his hands free to answer Harry directly and it almost stresses him out that his body demands food. The only thing that matters to him is his soulmate and to answer him directly. And so he does too many things at once - eating, writing, tidying up the kitchen. 

BehindBlueEyesOfficial

You don't like stories if you're not in them? Does that mean there are more stories out there with you? Are you trying to tell me something haha?

And yes I think I'm becoming a Larry-shipper just for you. Although I'd rather call myself a Warry... If you know what I mean. Erm okay... I have to go now, I have another flight today!

And of course I'll be your beta. Fuck Harry that makes me so happy. Every fucking day you manage to make me smile. I'm so so so so fond of you.

He stuffs the sandwich into himself far too quickly to be ready for the next message from Harry and almost chokes on the overly large bite which turns then into a hiccup. Shaking his head at himself, he goes back into the living room, still chewing, where he sits back down under his woollen blanket and waits for Harry's next message. Louis has officially lost it. All his thoughts alone are reserved for Harry. His new single and the placement in the charts? Secondary matter. Unread messages of family and friends? All the same. Louis is so gone for a man which he never saw. Fucking fantastic. 

HES  

There is my little idiot again 😂❤️ 

I think I never said that I want to be in a story, only that I can't be into a story if I don't like the pairing... 

Warry? Awww... I think I'll be the darkest Warry out there in the near future. I already wrote our story inside my head...  

For writing though, I'll stick with Larry for a while I think and I really hope to get you into the (still small) fandom. 

Thank you, thank you, thank you ! 

Now you have another name for me next to all the others: 

BehindBlueEyes, W., my idiot, sunshine, cutest person on earth, beta, soulmate... 

I love it. Maybe I should write a list with a thousand different names for you so that I can worship every single one of them. 

Have a safe flight x

Louis reads their last messages and has to laugh. He really misunderstood it completely but he’s happy to get a heart out of Harry from it. It’s just an emoji but Louis loves it nonetheless. 

BehindBlueEyesOfficial

Oh fuck now I feel really stupid, I got that completely wrong, oops 😬 but in my defence I have to say that I was doing three things at the same time.

And I love that you’ll be the darkest Warry. Makes me smile so big. 

Take care darling, my soulmate, my Harry all alone, my dimple heart, my everything…

W. x

Actually Louis has of course no flight. But he has a scheduled phone call with Pete who will tell him what his upcoming appointments for the next week will be. And so he sighs and says mentally goodbye to Harry again before he grabs his cigarette pack and his phone and steps outside to make the call and hear what they came up with. 

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

It's complete bullshit with what the management came up to secure his current number one, led closely by Harry Styles. He doesn't even know the man and doesn't really care about him, but his management and team obviously do. It's turned into a real competition only Harry's team isn't really participating because Louis feels like it's just Louis' team that's escalating.

Today he has another papwalk. This time it's supposed to be a bit more handsy and Louis is once again nauseous just thinking about it. Florence and he are supposed to look so freshly in love that they can't even keep their hands off each other in public, and the tabloids are literally clamouring for every new photo of the alleged lovers. This walk is followed by appearances on TV and radio every day until the end of the week, Louis doesn't even know if he has time to breathe, let alone write extensively with Harry.

And so he starts this new stunt walk in a bad mood. Once again through the centre of London. How boring that the management can't come up with anything new.

Florence is already getting out of the car in which they were driven to London together again. Louis was silent the whole journey and not prepared to make any small talk, and Florence kept giving him worried side glances.

"Smile Louis. Remember it's your job. You look more like you're about to puke," Florence whispers to him and looks tensely to the side as she has already been recognised by younger girls approaching her shyly on the very busy street in London.

Louis literally smiles through the pain and grabs her hand, grateful that they are only Florence's fans who pay him no further attention. He knows he wouldn't get much words out anyway and would probably blow the stunt because he's struggling to control himself at the moment.

With his brain wrapped in cotton wool, they both finally start their walk and Louis feels like he's on autopilot.

"What's going on today Lou-Lou?" Florence asks, smiling at him.

"I don't want to fiddle with you," Louis hisses.

"It's just a job. It's good for both our careers. You always making such a face about it doesn't help anyone Louis. You're putting me in a bad mood as well. Come on, let's go all the way to the park and then you can push me against the tree or something," Florence blabbers far too cheerfully, while Louis himself no longer feels understood by her. Maybe he's just too sentimental for this music industry.

Louis smiles, holding the corners of his mouth up convulsively as he gets closer and closer to his personal hell in the form of a park.

"Okay Louis, showtime, I already see a paparazzi back there," Florence says and without Louis really being able to resist, he has her lips on his and he gently leans her against one of the trees there, trying to leave enough space between their bodies not to make the woman he's holding on her hips uncomfortable. But Florence doesn't seem to be thinking that much about him. Her hands are suddenly on his bum, pulling his body closer to hers. Louis gasps startled into the kiss as she even squeezes his arse cheeks.

"Stop it now," Louis hisses against her lips.

"It's just a shitty job and management demands it, go on kiss me and work harder," Florence whispers back annoyedly and Louis hates it all.

From then on, he feels like he's dissociating. He doesn't even know how long they'll keep up the act, let alone how he'll get home.

It's only when he gets home to the safety of his own four walls that he breaks down and he knows he only wants one person now. Only he can't tell Harry what has happened and so he makes up an excuse.

BehindBlueEyesOfficial

Fuck it all. I had such a stressful flight, someone touched my bum in the airport and I hated it! Sometimes I really hate my job and the people I meet there. But on the other hand, it's my dream job and I don't want to give it up. It's not like it happens often, but right now I just feel bad. I wish you were with me. Actually, I just feel like crying.

HES  

Oh God, Babe, no! I'm so sorry this happened to you and you can't imagine what I want to do to every single person who ever touched you against your will. 

I wish I could just be with you right now, holding you while you cry. 

What can I do to make it better now? I'd do anything.

BehindBlueEyesOfficial

I'm probably just exaggerating. Nothing's happened and I'm a master at suppressing. I'm sure I'll be fine in a minute. It already helps that I was able to write to you and thank you for your lovely reply. Can you just hug me a little tighter when we meet? I think that's the only thing that will really help me but I have to wait a few more days for that to happen 😢

Louis just hopes that Harry will draw the right conclusions as soon as he knows who he is. That he understands that this is only about the pictures with Florence that will surely be all over the internet already tonight. He doesn't blame Florence, it was what the management asked for but never in his life has Louis felt so used and disgusting. It doesn't feel like acting to him and he can't sugarcoat it like Florence. For him, touching his bum is something intimate and only something he wants to do with the person he loves.

HES  

Of course I will hug you extra tight. And extra long. As long and tight as you want actually. Maybe even longer because it's possible that I can't let you go again when I finally get to hug you. 

I don't feel like you're exaggerating. No one should ever touch you without consent and you are allowed to be upset about something like that.

BehindBlueEyesOfficial

Thank you Harry. It's so good to hear that and that you understand me. I mean... if not you then who? Oh fuck did I trigger something in you? Why didn't I think about it before? I'm so sorry! Shit, I really am an idiot. And to be honest, I just want to lie in bed crying and not see or hear anything more. Once again, I'm so sorry.

And that's exactly what he does. He gets out of his clothes and throws himself into bed in nothing but his briefs. He is plagued by a guilty conscience towards Harry and still feels Florence's hands on his bum like a phantom. It's almost like it's burnt in his skin and even though Louis had got used to kissing her, he just can't live with that. He absolutely has to talk to the management, he can't go on like this and he knows it will destroy him in the long run. Especially as Louis doesn't want it to be his public image. Louis is not a person who would fumble around like that in public, is rather a possessive and jealous partner and he would never assault a man like that but would love him tenderly at home, protected and just for Louis' eyes alone.

HES

You didn't trigger anything. If you want to blame it on someone than the asshole who touched you. 

Please don't ever feel like you can't be open to me. You can tell me everything even if some things might trigger me a little. I'm okay now and I want to be there for you no matter what happened, okay? 

If you feel like lying in bed crying, then do it. But if you change your mind and you want to talk more, I'm always there for you ❤️

And then Louis really starts to cry at Harry's quick reply. On the one hand, he feels so caught up from him and, on the other, so terribly alone. He only has his Harry online and his bed is so empty that he pulls his blanket tighter around him and just wishes that arms would wrap themselves around him, that at best they would belong to Harry and that his touch would drown out Florence's. That Louis could finally breathe more freely again. And then other dark thoughts come to mind. Harry probably wants nothing more to do with him at the concert on Sunday anyway. Louis lied to him and was simply a terrible person to his precious dimple heart. The price he's paying for his career getting bigger and bigger, just like Louis' despair. He can't remember the last time he cried like this and has the feeling that he won't be able to stop any time soon. He decides to write one last message to Harry, to let him know how much he means to him and just wallow in his misery all alone. 

BehindBlueEyesOfficial

I’m so thankful that I have you. I'm so scared of Sunday again. Everything is so dark for me right now. I haven't felt this bad in a long time so I'm going to stop writing now, please don't be mad at me but I don't want to take your light away. Fuck I'm not making any sense am I? I just hope that when we meet you will still like me and not hate me. I don't want to lose you but I probably will. Because I'm a terrible person. But be assured, you are always in my heart. You were the best surprise in my life and I will never forget you.

And so he shuts out the world by switching off his phone. Louis simply can't take any more and has reached his breaking point.

Chapter Text

Whether you try too hard to fit in or you try too hard to stand out, it is of equal consequence: you exhaust your significance.

- Criss Jami

W.’s last message breaks his heart even more and Harry feels tears streaming down his own cheeks freely now. 

He doesn't want his idiot to feel like that and Harry's words were true: If he knew who hurt him like that he'd hunt this person down. 

His last message sounds so depressed, so hopeless that Harry starts to worry about him. Quickly, he tries to write something to make Louis feel better. 

HES

Your message sounds like a goodbye, as if you don't think we've got a chance. But that's not true okay. I like you, so much, too much even, and nothing will change that, okay? And if you're worried about the distance I have actually good news: I will be in London more for my job in the next couple of months so we actually are in the same city more often. Shit if it isn't enough I would even book every single flight you're doing just to be close to you. 

And stop saying mean things about yourself. You're a wonderful person and I could never be mad at you.

Staring down at his phone he waits for an answer, refreshing the app constantly. Only when after forty minutes there's still no reply Harry gives up hope and switches tabs to continue writing. 

There's no way he'll sleep anytime soon so he spends his time getting everything out, writing about his thoughts and even types out the words he feared from the beginning. 

Talking about his past has never been easy for Harry, but years full of therapy sessions helped a lot. There's still only a few people he told any details about his worst memory. Writing it down now feels strange. It's hard, he cries a lot and tries to push his memories away, but somehow it feels relieving at the same time. Still, after finishing that scene in his fanfiction he's a crying mess and his hands shake badly. 

Needing an outlet he goes into his bedroom to find his stuffed dog, the one he always has with him wherever he goes. 

Just pressing him close to his chest feels good at first but it's not enough. Harry knows it's a bad habit but he can't help himself. Needing some friction in between his fingers he turns the stuffed animal around and starts to rub its ears. Rubbing it always calms him down and lowers his heart rate even if his fingers often hurt from it after especially anxious days when he rubs the fabric between his fingers constantly. 

Even in public he sometimes has it with him, hidden inside his tote bag, always ready to give him comfort when he needs it. 

It's embarrassing really that he as an adult still needs his stuffed animal with him but it's the only thing that helped him through the years of bullying, anxiety, depression and nightmares. It's actually the second stuffed animal he used for this purpose, the first one was fully destroyed by his habit when he was 18 years old. 

Harry always tries to hide it, feeling humiliated whenever someone finds out about it. It's one of the few things he didn't even tell W. about, too scared about his reaction. What if W. thinks he's childish and needs to grow up? What if he finally realises what a weirdo Harry is and ends their friendship, relationship or whatever they have, for good? So he just keeps his eyes shut and hopes he'll be able to hide it as long as possible. 

With this his thoughts drift back to his poor friend who seems to suffer a lot right now. Harry would give everything to just lie next to him right now. Holding each other tight would surely help both of them. 

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

The next morning starts with a work out session again and being tired and grumpy Harry is just not in the mood today and hisses at Brad during every single exercise. 

This week will be a nightmare with parties and press events and radio appearances in between calls with his management. When Sam sent him this week's schedule he ignored it at first but now that he had a look at it, Harry already feels tired of the week. 

And it's only Monday, which leaves him with not much hope for the following days. 

In addition to his own stress he's seen a video of Louis with his stunt first thing this morning and Harry is just so angry and secretly a little jealous. He just doesn't like seeing someone touching Louis, even if he doesn't have the right to feel that way. But it was clearly visible that Louis didn't like it at all and that's what made his blood boil. It reminded him of how bad W. felt about someone touching his ass yesterday and what if Louis feels just like that? Life just isn't fair and Harry hates that he can't help either one of them. 

He suffers through his workout and is barely out of the shower when Sam calls him. 

“Hey Sam, did I miss an appointment?” Harry answers, irritated and already looking at today's appointments. There's nothing this early so he should be fine. 

“No no, Harry. You're all good. I just wanted to call you and give you a short briefing. You know about the photoshoot and interviews today, right? Tonight there's a small get together in a posh restaurant, as you have hopefully already seen. It's very special that a newcomer like you is invited and they only made an exception because of the huge amount of streams you're getting. Congrats by the way. This is huge. For your album we want you to become number one though so you have to up the game a bit. More press, but we’ve already taken care of it, as you can see, and more pictures with powerful friends. You have several parties this week. Today, Wednesday and Thursday in Manchester and Friday and Saturday in London. I don't care how you do it but I want lots of press from those parties. Remember, you're everyone's darling, a nice, good looking lad, everyone wants to be friends with.”

Harry's head spins from Sam's speech alone and he feels overwhelmed by the task. And how should he handle everything, his appointments and the parties with working out at 4.30 am every morning? He'll be dead by the end of the week. Telling Sam his thought is a mistake though, because he only gets a harsh answer, “I don't care about your sleeping schedule, Harry. Grow up. The following months are important for you. You can sleep when you're already successful.” 

And that's it. There's nothing more to say and Harry fights his tears again. Hanging up he sees a new message from W. and feels a little lighter instantly. 

BehindBlueEyesOfficial

Good morning Harry, I feel so bad for not replying to you yesterday. I was completely in my head and saw everything darkly and badly. I'm terribly sorry for the impression my last message must have made on you. Please forgive me.

I can't explain to myself what was wrong with me. Things are better today after my crying fit last night, especially as I'll be seeing you soon. If you still want to see me idiot at all?

Even if he feels sad and overwhelmed himself he doesn't want to risk dragging W. down again so he tries to just write normally, as if everything is alright. Inside of him though, Harry dreads everything that's about to come. 

HES

Of course I want to see you, I can't wait. And I get that you needed time for yourself last night. It's okay. 

I'm glad you texted me now because I worried about you a little and hated that I couldn't be there for you. 

Look, I'm extremely busy today, and I'm so sorry that I won't be able to talk to you a lot and I already miss you. I'll try to text you throughout the day, okay? 

I actually wrote a couple of chapters last night because I couldn't sleep. I'm not sure if you're up for reading it. The last chapter I wrote is pretty intense. I wrote down my worst memory and I don't want you to feel bad again. Maybe you just stop reading it? 

BehindBlueEyesOfficial

That relieves me so much. I thought I had lost my dimple heart over my behaviour yesterday. I'm so looking forward to Sunday and yet I'm totally nervous. It feels so strange to see you in real life, don't you think? I'll probably be a trembling mess on Sunday. And of course you can send me your new chapters. I'm doing well. It was just a touch on my bum and hopefully it won't happen again. 

Lots of hugs

W.

Harry does wait for an answer and scans it quickly but he doesn't have time to answer properly so he just sends him the next few chapters without commenting on anything else.

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

Harry suffers through a lot of interviews today, always repeating that Emma and him are just good friends and that he's actually single and doesn't really search for anyone but would be glad to find someone to spend his life with. 

Sometimes he even gets the chance to talk about his music and he's thankful for every question that allows him to talk about something else than his six pack and his love life. 

He's in the middle of his fourth interview when one question startles him and he doesn't know what to say to that. 

“Many fans speculate that you're into men and that's why Emma Watson is just your friend. I think everyone wants to know if it's true. Tell us, Harry Styles, is that beautiful body forever lost for us women or do we still have a chance with you?” 

Harry actually freezes at that, looking around for someone to help him. It's not only the question whether he's gay itself, he knew it would come sooner or later, but it's the way she asked him. 

Like he's nothing more than a nice body who either pleases women or men. Feeling his hands getting wet he shuffles around on his chair a bit before he tries to form an answer everyone is satisfied with. 

“Well, I personally think that labels aren't important. Love is love and I support every sexuality. That's why I won't label myself in public. Sorry to disappoint you.” 

Trying to act normal he laughs it off and smiles at the interviewer. 

“I'm really disappointed by not only that but also that you wear so much today. We all were hoping to see your tattoos. Maybe you can show them to me backstage.” 

She winks at him and Harry can't believe what he hears and sees. What kind of interview is this? It's so fucked up he barely manages to finish it, forcing himself to not just jump up and leave everything behind. 

As soon as he is alone though he starts to cry again, out of anger this time. Pulling at his hair he tries to find an outlet to handle it all but due to the fact that he has to leave in five minutes for his next appointment, he doesn't have time to do anything else than writing W. 

Hesitantly, he takes out his phone and completely ignores his last message and comes straight to the point. 

HES

Do you ever feel like people see nothing else in you than a beautiful body? God, I'm so angry right now. It probably doesn't even make sense to you. Sorry. I just don't know what to do with my frustration. 

It doesn't even take W. a minute to type out a response and Harry is so grateful for that connection once again. 

BehindBlueEyesOfficial

Oh who made my darling so mad? Who should I hit for you? But yes, I know the feeling. Sometimes people give me the feeling that I'm unable to fly because I look good. Oh and of course my voice is too high as you already know 😒. At least that's what a lot of people tell me, that I look good, I'm not conceited or anything.

I give you a big hug. And I hope I don't give you the same feeling when I say you're pretty. If I do, then I'm sorry!

HES

I just had a really shitty day in general (and it's far from over) and then I had an appointment where a woman just didn't see that there are boundaries. She practically told me that it doesn't matter if I'm good at what I'm doing but that she just wants to see me naked. 

I couldn't even do anything about it. 

I'm sorry you feel like that as well. I actually don't know what's wrong with our society. 

But don't worry, you could never make me feel like that because I know you care about my personality. We're soulmates after all. If we think we're attractive it's just the icing on the cake. x 

Talking to W. actually helps a little but Harry is still in a bad mood and doubts that it will change anytime soon. 

The rest of the day goes by in a blur and after his last interview he feels so tired, he could go to bed instantly. 

But no, that's not how his life looks right now. Instead of having a relaxed evening he has to go to this dinner party at the restaurant and pretend he's not a total outsider. 

He doesn't even try to actually find contact there. Pissed off he only talks to the man next to him, Tom Hiddleston, apparently an actor.

Harry doesn't even know him but he tells him he's famous for a role in the Marvel universe so he has to be popular. 

After eating Harry comes straight to the point, telling Tom what is expected of him and asking him to help him out. 

“Right. I would, but you noticed I'm not a woman?” Tom answers, grinning at him. 

“Yeah, I know but if it's really just to get attention for being a nice human being and friends with famous people it shouldn't be restricted to women. I just don't have the energy today to actually talk to someone,” Harry answers with a sigh. He's tired and still in a bad mood. All he wants to do is make this fare end quickly and return home. 

Tom does the pap walk with him and another Tom, apparently from Marvel as well, and they joke around for a while, making sure the paparazzi get pictures of them laughing together. 

Finally home again he only falls into his bed and only writes one quick message before falling asleep. 

HES

Babe, I'm home. Finally. My day was the worst. Thank you for being there for me earlier. 

I'm sorry I don't talk more to you right now, but I'm just so tired. 

Miss you though x

BehindBlueEyesOfficial

I'm always there for you. Then snuggle up in your bed now and imagine me giving you a goodnight kiss on your forehead. Sleep well ♥️

God, this boy is the only person he needs right now. Once again he feels incredibly thankful for W. and he already typed out I love you when he changed his mind and decided that it would be too soon, even if he's sure that's exactly what he's feeling. 

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

A shitty day turns into a shitty week and he only relaxes again when he's on his way to London. 

Being seen with Tom and Tom created positive press, but apparently the female part is very important for his management so on the other two parties he made sure to be seen with women to satisfy them. 

There is one video where a blonde model, Harry even forgot her name with everything going on, tried to make a move on him and he tried to turn her down nicely, which created articles about him being a womaniser. Harry doesn't understand how the press could make that up from just one almost-kiss but whatever. 

The other interviews were good and he was actually allowed to wear proper clothes for his photo shoot yesterday so that's a win. 

He talked to W. occasionally but his week was busy as well and so they didn't have much time to actually keep a conversation going. 

It's annoying. On top of that Louis had many radio and TV appearances and a few more stunt pictures coming out and Harry was barely able to keep up with everything that's going on. 

Thanks to his management, Harry doesn't have to search for news on Louis anymore because he now gets a daily report about his biggest competition to show him he has to step up the game. 

They even brought up a stunt this morning to become the centre of attention but Harry didn't want to hear it and just told them to think about something else. 

They ended the call with him behaving like a child having a tantrum and Sam telling him to at least post something on Twitter because the only thing he posted was one promotion for his song. 

Annoyed, he used his time on his way to London for a quick post. 

Harry Styles. 

Thank you for your amazing support on Sign of the Times. You're absolutely incredible and I love every single one of you. I can't wait for you to listen to my album. 

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

He's still angry and exhausted when he's about to go into the club where today's party is held. 

Harry pushes through the crowded entrance, feeling the bass thump in his chest. He scans the dimly lit room, searching for a corner away from the pulsating lights. A reluctant smile forms as he heads to the bar, determined to drown the discomfort in a glass of liquid courage.

One glass becomes two and then three and four and after only half an hour Harry already is completely drunk. 

Through the haze of alcohol, Harry stumbles onto the dance floor, losing himself in the rhythm. He clumsily sways with various partners, laughter and blurred faces merging into a chaotic dance of lights and sound. His movements become a blend of confidence and disarray, a temporary escape from the reservations that led him here.

As the music pulses, a beautiful man gracefully glides towards Harry, his eyes inviting. He attempts to dance intimately, touching his hips and lower back and pressing his body against his, but an unexpected pang of guilt strikes him. Without a word, he swiftly disengages, leaving him bewildered on the dance floor. Harry retreats, seeking solace in the shadows, haunted by the conflict between his desires and the lingering discomfort within.

Feeling sick he searches for the bathroom and splashes water on his face. What is he doing here? He hates this version of himself and just wants to be at home. 

No, that's not true. He wants to be with W., wants him to be the one dancing intimate with him and the one who holds him when everything becomes too much like this week. But now after what he's done, W. will surely hate him. 

Still, he has to tell him, and has to be honest. 

HES

I'm so sorry. Please don't hate me. Oh God you will hate me now. I even hate myself. But please don't, because I can't lose you. Not now when we're less than two days away from meeting each other. Forgive me, my idiot. I beg you. 

Harry slumps onto the cold toilet seat, a wave of nausea washing over him. The dim, flickering light casts shadows on his weary face as he confronts the consequences of his actions. Guilt weighs heavily on his mind, and he anxiously waits for a response, his turbulent emotions mirrored in the silence of the restroom.

He is about to doze off when his phone vibrates and a new message from W. demands his attention.

BehindBlueEyesOfficial

Darling, what are you talking about? It makes no sense to me. But believe me, you'll never lose me. I promise you. Are you okay? Is there anything I can do for you?

HES

Why are you so nice to me? You shouldn't be. I got really drunk tonight and then I cheated on you. I mean not really, we're not together and nothing really happened, but there was this man who wanted to dance with me. And he got really close but I swear when he pressed his body against mine I left. I left and now I'm sitting on a toilet seat in a club. I hate myself so much. I'm so sorry. Oh my God. Do you still want to meet me on Sunday? 

Hunched over, Harry feels a queasiness that sends shivers down his spine. In the dimly lit bathroom, he swears vehemently to himself, promising never to touch alcohol again as he confronts the regret and discomfort swirling within him.

There's no way he'll find someone to make an official appearance with tonight anymore and when W. is angry with him as well then he ruined everything over a few drinks. 

Disgusted by himself he stares down at his phone with tears in his eyes, waiting for his fate to be determined. 

BehindBlueEyesOfficial

Oh... I mean, of course I hate the thought that someone else touched you and was so close to you. But I'm not angry with you. Like you say, we're not together. You could theoretically even sleep with someone and I would have no right to be angry. Please don't stress about it, okay? Of course we'll meet on Sunday, and maybe you'll even regret not having done more with the other man because you'll be disappointed when you see me. Okay but back to what I wanted to say, please call a taxi and go home. I think you've had enough for today. And please text me when you're safely home. Oh, and drink enough water before you go to sleep. Too bad I can't take care of you myself.

Harry can't believe what he's reading there. He can't mean it. It doesn't make any sense. Harry himself would be furious and so jealous, he wouldn't be able to think straight. 

HES

How can you be so nice and perfect still? I would be so jealous and angry. Did you understand that it's my fault? I drank and I danced in the middle of the club, letting him come close. I just don't get it. 

But you know I'll never regret that I ran away because it's you I want close. Only you. Always you. I think about you all the time and I don't want anyone else. Shit, I would even turn down Louis if he stands in front of me naked, just because I want you more. I don't think that will change on Sunday. You're just perfect. My perfect little idiot. 

On my way outside now to go back to the hotel. 

Send you lots of love, Harry x

Stumbling outside he's met with several flash lights on his way to his driver. He's sure those pictures won't look good but there's nothing he can do about it now. 

He sways and stumbles more than actually walking and he feels relieved when he finally reaches his car and closes the door behind him.

BehindBlueEyesOfficial

Fuck you are an adorable drunk. I would love to be with you right now and take you in my arms and look deep into your eyes so that you believe me that I'm not angry. I understand why you think it's your fault but you really don't need to feel guilty. Even if we were together, it would have just been a dance. Of course I would be, or rather am, jealous. Shit, I hate the idea to be honest but just your words for me... that you would even reject a naked Louis... You are my perfect dimple heart. Perfect for me. My Harry.

Good that you're on your way out. Take care of yourself, okay? I don't want anything to happen to you. Sending you lots of love back.

Harry reads his message over and over again. W. told him he’s adorable and sent him love back. Love. The word with the four letters he thinks constantly right now, even if it sounds crazy and they don't know each other. Harry still feels it. 

Arriving at the hotel he throws his clothes to the ground carelessly, something he never does, and lets himself fall down on the bed. 

Just before falling asleep he types out one last message. 

HES

Shit, I think I'm in love with you.

Chapter Text

I wasn't ready for you
but there you were 
and there I was 
now here we are
and somewhere in-between
you became my favorite coincidence.

-E.V. Rogina-

HES

Shit, I think I'm in love with you.

Louis stares at his phone with wide eyes, his jaw drops and for a moment he feels like he can't breathe anymore. His stomach tingles and his heart suddenly races at a gallop that he even feels it beating as he puts his hand on his chest.

“Fuck,” he mutters, rereading those 8 words over and over again. But they always stay the same, nothing changes no matter how many times he stares at them.

Harry can't be serious, can he? He's totally drunk and will regret it tomorrow. Everything will be even more awkward on Sunday if Louis reacts to it now. There's already so much that Harry has to take in, Louis doesn't want to make him uncomfortable by continuing this conversation now.

He knows Harry will regret the words tomorrow. Yes, Louis is 100% sure that they are soulmates, but love? Someone like Harry is supposed to love him? Louis hasn't been loved for a long time and hasn't had a boyfriend since his first little success as a musician, simply because every man who could have been one to become turned out to be a failure. Everyone just wanted to get into his pants or dropped him when they realised that Louis wasn't as successful as they first thought.

What's more, Harry's text takes him back to his youth. At 16 when he thought he was already through the worst of bullying and slowly things were getting better after years of martyrdom lay behind him, first because he was always smaller and more delicate than the other boys and then at the age of 15 after his coming out. At this point he simply didn't care what anyone else would say, Louis had already heard all the insults. To this day he doesn't know how he even had the confidence to say with his head held high that he liked boys better than girls.

He's surprised that his old classmates haven't gone to the press with exactly this information. In any case, his management would certainly not be happy. But Louis almost wishes it were like this now with his number one, which he has held for days. Then the whole fiasco with Florence would finally be over.

His thoughts wander back to that evening when he was 16. Louis who was in love with a boy from a class below him. A house party where he was with his only two friends. Louis drunkenly confessed it to the other boy and he even gave him his very first kiss. Memories of how he later lay in his bed at home and thought about it over and over again. And then a text with almost the same words as Harry's.

I think I've fallen in love with you.

Only that Louis answered back then. He wrote back almost a romance novel and even today the thought of it makes Louis sick.

I've been in love with you for a long time. It felt so good to kiss you, I wouldn't have wanted to have my first kiss with anyone other than you. You are so pretty and I want everything with you. When I see you I have butterflies in my stomach. Do you want to be my boyfriend?

Louis still remembers today lying awake and excited in his bed, waiting for the answer that never came. At the time, Louis told himself that the other boy was maybe asleep by now.

But no, the reason was a completely different one. The next morning he knew why he never received an answer. Unbeknownst to Louis, this boy was friends with the bully gang who had already teased him in the schoolyard as he came to school this morning and they had even photographed the text messages and given them to every student who wanted to read them, showing how Louis had made an idiot of himself. He fell into a crying fit immediately and ran home crying. His mother was at work as were his siblings in school and so he locked himself in the bathroom all alone. That was the day Louis cut himself for the first time because he couldn't take it anymore, his emotional pain so intense it took away his breath.

Sighing, Louis looks back at the message from Harry. He's so sorry he can't answer him, but it's better this way. Firstly for Harry and his sober self, who will freak out about it tomorrow morning, Louis is sure, and secondly for himself too. The memories from back then are literally overwhelming him and he will never again make a declaration of love via a message, that's what Louis had sworn at that time to himself. Not even for Harry and to calm him down. The scars from back then can still be felt prominently on his heart and seen on his thighs.

Louis knows that it was only the alcohol that spoke to Harry this evening. But he himself actually feels exactly that way. It becomes completely clear to him at that moment and it's so scary. Damn scary. They've known each other for such a short time, just from writing, how can you fall in love like that? Is it just Louis wishful thinking for a partnership? Even with his soulmate? Do things like this really happen? And above all, to himself? Louis hardly dares to hope and yet his wildly beating heart is proof enough that something like that is possible.

Sighing, he reads Harry's text one last time and decides that it's really better not to answer.

Concerned, he puts the phone aside and then stares into the darkness of his bedroom. He was already in bed when Harry wrote. Louis knows he won't get any sleep. The memories of that time, a terrible film that now plays out in front of his eyes, the worry about Harry whether he will make it home safely and his own heart which is still fluttering wildly in his chest, just won't let him calm down. 

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

Louis wakes up on Saturday to three messages from Harry. He has slept not more than two hours and feels as if he has been hit by a bus. He almost doesn't dare read them, too afraid of what he will find after yesterday. But it is Harry. His Harry. And he has promised him that he will never let him go. Of course he opens the messages.

HES

W.? 

Are you mad at me after all? 

I can't blame you. I'm so sorry and feel so embarrassed by everything. I don't drink often and it just got out of hand after the week I had. I really hate myself right now. 

And I hope my last message didn't pressure you or anything. It was too soon. I know I shouldn't have written it. 

Please forgive me.  

Harry x

HES  

W.?

HES  

I'm sorry.

He feels so sorry for Harry and about what a guilty conscience he seems to have. And what particularly stands out is the 'I know I shouldn't have written it.‘

Enough to know that Louis was right in his assumption that the words were not meant seriously in his drunken state.

Louis closes the chat with Harry without replying. He doesn't feel able to write anything suitable right now, the lack of sleep and the still fresh memories of his school days leave him emotionally and physically drained.

Tired, he gropes to the bathroom. His management told him yesterday that he was to be seen with Florence again today. This time on the red carpet for the premiere of the film in which she plays the leading role.

As he looks at himself in the mirror, he doesn't know how the make-up artists will ever be able to cover up those dark circles under his eyes. He quickly averts his gaze from his reflection and steps into the shower without delay. He lets the warm water splash down on him and stares at the faded scars on his outer thighs. He gently strokes them with his fingers and wishes the images would finally disappear from his mind. It has been so long since he last put down the blade on his skin. To this day, he is proud to have gotten away from it all by himself, even if it took a good year. But he did it and the story he wrote about it helped him too to come to terms with what he did to himself back then. And yet there will always be memorials on his skin about one of the worst times in his life.

Louis remains standing under the jet of water for quite some time, even weeping a few silent tears because everything is too much for him right now. And he can't even write to Harry to seek comfort.

As he steps out of the shower and gets changed in the bedroom, his eyes keep glancing at his phone. Has Harry texted again? After buttoning the last buttons of his shirt, he can finally no longer resist his curiosity and reaches for his phone. And sure enough, four more messages have arrived.

HES  

Please don't be mad. I can't handle you hating me too. Not you. Everyone else, fine. I got screamed at all morning. But I can't handle this.

HES

Please. At least tell me that you hate me and that I'm a horrible person.

HES

Talk to me. Please.

HES

You can't imagine how much I hate myself right now.

Sighing, Louis puts his phone in his trouser pocket after glancing at the time on the display. He has to go and play the perfect straight boyfriend. Not enough time to answer Harry properly. He needs more time and peace and quiet, as well as a clear head. He wants to find the right words, his dimple heart deserves that.

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

“Louis! Louis! Here! Look here!“

„Hey Louis and Florence, look here into the camera please.“

„Florence, look at me!”

„A kiss for the camera?“

Louis has Florence's body pressed close to him, wearing a hopefully genuine smile on his lips while his eyes are already tearing up from the many flashes of the cameras in front of them and his ears are ringing from the shouts of the photographers.

The red carpet is wild and a new experience in this dimension for Louis. He doesn’t know where to look at first or if he’s doing enough in faking the perfect boyfriend for Florence. 

And so he exhales gratefully when he can finally leave the red carpet hand in hand with Florence and find refuge in the cinema hall, which is only accessible to invited guests.

“Fuck, that was intense,” Louis breathes and immediately grabs one of the champagne glasses on one of the trays that a young man has ready.

"You get used to it. And you should too. Your new song is a complete success,” Florence winks at him and they both toast each other with their glasses.

“Flo, before we go to the cinema, can we talk for a moment?” Louis asks and when Florence nods, they both go to a quiet corner and away from the many other people.

“What’s on your mind?” Florence asks and looks at him carefully.

"The other day in the park and when you grabbed my butt... that was too much for me and I felt misunderstood by you to be honest," Louis begins, looking below him. “I have already asked my management to stop asking me to do something like that and after long discussions they agreed. I know it’s all their fault but to be honest I think it was shitty the way you behaved.”

Then he looks up again and sees Florence nodding.

"I'm sorry. I was just annoyed that day. I also find it all irritating but we are both tied to contracts and I just don't have the nerve to constantly have discussions with my management. But you're right, I should have listened when you said to stop. Please forgive me,” she replies and looks at Louis apologetically.

“Thank you for your apology. I forgive you,” Louis smiles slightly and they both fall into a quick hug.

"Is everything okay between us?“ Florence asks to make sure as they let go of each other. 

"Yeah, everything is fine. Kissing you is bearable now but no more hands below the waist Miss Pugh,“ Louis grins but hopes she really understands how serious he is about it. 

"Of course Tomlinson,“ Florence nods and looks once again very apologetic. 

“Come on girlfriend, I finally want to see your new film,” Louis says and holds out his arm to Florence, which she hooks herself in with a grin.

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

Louis has already seen on his lock screen how often Harry has written to him, but there was simply no time to reply during the premiere and the film. But now that he's home, he doesn't want to keep Harry waiting. What's more, he longs for him so much, too many hours without contact with him. What seemed impossible this morning can't happen fast enough now.

But first Louis gets out of his suit and throws on a shirt instead, slipping into bed dressed only in it and his briefs.

First he reads through all of Harry's messages at peace and immediately feels guilty. He really could have at least sent him a short message and he will and must apologise for it.

HES

I'm really sorry. About everything. About getting drunk and about dancing with someone and about texting you how I feel.

HES  

I'm sorry for feeling like that, but I just do. Shit. I knew I would be too much.

HES

Can we still meet tomorrow? Please give me a chance to make it up to you.

HES  

I hope I didn't ruin everything.

HES  

W., my idiot, I beg you to just talk to me. Knowing I ruined everything hurts so much. It's my own fault I know but at least end it right if you don't want me anymore. 

Please, W., I won't argue if you don't want to talk to me ever again. 

I promise. 

Just one last message to say goodbye.

And here Louis realises that Harry really feels that way. He keeps saying it over and over again and Louis completely misunderstood the first text this morning. He really is an idiot, especially when it comes to Harry.

Sighing at his own stupidity and misbehaviour in not answering him sooner, he starts to write a reply.

BehindBlueEyesOfficial

Harry ... I'm so damn sorry that I'm just getting back to you now. It was completely wrong of me and I don't know how you'll ever forgive me. I left you hanging all day and that was completely wrong of me. Believe me, I have a reason for it but I don't want to write it to you, I want to tell you in person tomorrow when we meet. Just like I want to give you an answer in person tomorrow to your last text last night. It doesn't feel right to do this by message and I hope you understand.

I promised you that I would never let you go. Please never doubt that promise. Even if I have made it difficult for you to believe it today, I know. You mean everything to me. More than anyone ever has before. And if you can forgive me then nothing will stop me from holding you in my arms tomorrow.

With all my heart

W. xxx

Louis looks nervously at his phone, starts biting his fingernails and hopes that he will soon get an answer from Harry. That Louis hasn't ruined everything. At first he was so unsure about meeting up, but now he can't wait. A fan and reader of his stories has become one of the most important people in his life and Louis is more than willing to protect this special bond and fight for it if necessary. 

HES

W.! Thank God. 

I'm actually crying right now out of happiness. In public. Everyone looks at me as if I'm crazy but I don't care. As long as I have you back it doesn't matter what everyone else thinks about me. 

I can't wait to meet you tomorrow, to be hugged and maybe even kissed by you (I didn't forget your promise to ask nicely if you can kiss my dimple). 

I just hope that you won't be disappointed when you see me tomorrow. Promise me that we discuss everything before making any decisions so that I have a chance to explain everything to you that might shock you.

Sending you lots of kisses. 

Harry x

Okay, now Louis is crying too. Somehow the whole situation was very stressful and it's liberating to write about it with Harry now. To know that apparently nothing can really come between them and that they are dependent on each other. Louis is so happy and relieved about it and even starts to giggle quietly, simply unable to hold back the feelings that Harry evokes in him.

BehindBlueEyesOfficial

Darling, my wonderful Harry, you never lost me in the first place. So you can't get me back, so to speak 😉

I was and always will be your idiot!

And even if I'm sitting here crying myself, I want to tell you that you don't need to shed tears. It's all good from my side and I'm so glad that you're not angry with me.

I know with absolute certainty that I won't be disappointed. I'm already counting the hours until I see you. And you could give me permission to kiss your dimple beforehand? Then I can do it as soon as we see each other, before we even speak a word ... if you want? I hereby officially ask very nicely: Harry may I give you a kiss on your adorable dimple?

And thank you for the kisses you sent me. I have felt every single one. I won't tell you where 😇

Once again, Louis spends his time smoking while he waits for an answer. It feels like he hasn't really been doing much else the last few days apart from getting lost in texts with Harry and smoking when things get nerve-wracking. Okay, and in between promo and his stunt with Florence. This time it's a cigarette because he's starting to rethink whether he was too forward in the message. Louis knows he's flirting unashamedly. But so does Harry, although he seems more emotional than flirtatious. Fuck, he's really going to see him tomorrow. For that reason alone, he takes a long drag of his cigarette and then watches the cloud of smoke dissolve into the night sky. And also because he is thinking about what Harry might mean by that, which could shock him. But Louis doesn't even want to ask. Firstly because he is afraid that their conversation could suddenly become more serious again and secondly because he knows that nothing can shock him anyway. Harry is perfect.

Finally his phone beeps and almost falls out of his hand as quickly as he tries to unlock it.

HES

But it felt like that. You can't even imagine how happy I am that you're still there, still my idiot. 

If you want to kiss my dimple when you see me tomorrow, you can. I officially give you permission for that and many other kisses, but I doubt it will be the first thing you want to do. 

You say you can't be disappointed but I just don't believe it, no matter what you say. 

For now I still live in my fantasy world where everything will be fine and we will kiss each other all night and you hold me through Paolo's songs.

HES

Oh and now I imagine me kissing you everywhere. Thank you for planting pictures in my head.

BehindBlueEyesOfficial

Oh my God Harry! I'm blushing here and giggling quietly to myself. I've asked you before, but once again: what are you doing to me?

Thank you for your permission. I wonder if we'll even hear one song of Paolo or pay attention at the concert with your plans and wishes? Who knows if you'll even want to kiss me when you see me tomorrow. Theoretically, you might not even like me visually...

And if you say once again that I will be disappointed in you, then there will definitely be no kisses tomorrow. Maybe more like a slap on your bum. And oh- did I really write that? Sorry not sorry.

Louis is hot and cold. He should urgently stop writing things like that. He seems not only to put images in Harry's head but also in his own. Only they're not as innocent as the kisses Harry thinks about. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Now is not the time to get a boner.

Groaning, Louis goes back inside as the next text from Harry arrives.

HES

Does that mean when I want you to slap my bum I just have to repeat that you will be disappointed? 😜

Ha! Easiest game ever!

HES  

But seriously though, can you please promise me a conversation if something goes wrong? 

I kind of need that to calm down. 

And if we miss the whole concert, I won't mind. Being close to you is worth it. 

I'll just watch some reels on Monday about the concert then. 

Louis laughs out loud at his first message and shakes his head fondly at the man. He loves how they both seem to have the same energy and could go on like this for hours. But he's about to stop flirting and ask him about the really important things. And also to promise him what Harry wishes for. 

BehindBlueEyesOfficial

Oh fuck you're a cheeky one. Love it.

But let's leave the flirting for a moment. First of all, I promise you a chat. As if I would just leave you like that. Never again will I make the same mistake as today.

And then something very important. Where will we meet?

I was thinking of the back entrance of the venue where we hopefully won't miss each other? Or would you prefer us to meet a bit further away to make sure it's us? And um, what should I wear so that you recognise me? Do we want an identifying sign? At least for me, because I know I'll recognise you immediately among thousands, my handsome. Oh and we should set a time too.

While he waits until he receives a new message, he searches the Internet for the venue, even if he knows it very well. He keeps thinking about where a good meeting place would be if Harry has no idea himself. What's more, he actually has VIP tickets, but he can't tell Harry that. A whole vip box just for him, he had it organised by his management because Louis doesn't want to stand in the middle of the crowd and Pete had got it for him months ago. But all the better. Harry and he can both enjoy the concert undisturbed. And maybe Louis can even really kiss him there, hidden in the dark, hidden from the many other visitors.

HES

You realised that just now? 😳 Oh boy, you're in for a surprise. 

Thank you for promising me that. It actually helps a lot. 

And erm, I actually have a VIP ticket but I managed to get a second one for you if you're interested? 

So we could just meet in front of the VIP entrance fifteen minutes after they opened the doors? The early ones should be inside by then but we would still be early enough. I don't know. What do you think? 

And about a sign I think we should both have one. But I don't know what it could be. Do you have an idea?

And Louis laughs again. They really are soulmates, no doubt about it. As if he'd ever had one in the first place. 

BehindBlueEyesOfficial

Omg how did you get a vip ticket? I have one too by the way and wanted to surprise you with it. And convince you with it what a great catch I am haha. Okay, plan failed. Your plan, on the other hand, sounds good. So 15 minutes after admission at the VIP entrance. And to be on the safe side: 6:15 pm.

I'll be wearing a blue shirt. And probably fall right around your neck. I think that's enough of a sign?

The next messages between them are exchanged at a fast pace and Louis just loves it how they finally have both time for each other after this busy week. It’s like coming home. A home he found in a person. 

HES

I got it from work. One of our clients has contacts and helped me out. 

How did you get one? 

And I already know you're a great catch, you don't have to impress me, I already am impressed and seduced by you. 

Okay 6:15 pm. 

God, I hope no one else wears a blue shirt. 

I don't have a blue one with me but I could wear a green one. And I will smile like an idiot and probably look really nervous.

BehindBlueEyesOfficial

I got it from a passenger with whom I had a conversation about Paolo after one of my flights. He somehow works with his team. Lucky me.

And good to know that I already have you safe. Then nothing can go wrong tomorrow. Oh shit, my heart is beating so fast.

I keep looking for a green shirt, dimples and long hair. I know you'll pull the rug out from under my feet.

HES

Okay. I never talked to my pilot after a flight... 

How often do you talk to mysterious men afterwards? I'm just curious of course... Just to know what I'm getting myself into.

And here Louis has to grin smugly. He loves how Harry wasn’t even able to answer his message properly but let his jealousy speak. For the second time this evening Louis could get a boner. 

BehindBlueEyesOfficial

I smell your jealousy. And it's sexy. Omg. Do you go all possessive over me? 🔥

But to answer your question: it happens here and there. Most times the people say thank you or ask if they can see the cockpit. And to reassure you: not one of the men was as beautiful as you. And women don't give me anything anyway, as you know.

HES

1. I am not jealous. Not at all. Nope. I don't care. I, fine, okay. I don't like the thought of men giving you things to get something from you. You can't tell me it was without compensation. But I'm not possessive because I don't have you yet so I can't be. 
2. How often did it happen that you went home or to a hotel with one of them? (Yes, I like to torture myself)
3. You don't know if they were as beautiful as me, you only know my profile from an old picture. So maybe they were even more beautiful. 
4. I am back home now and I think we should go to bed soon to be fit for tomorrow.

Louis stares in amazement at this message and can't help but giggle. Harry really should chill, even if it is incredibly sweet. Louis would love to kiss him so hard right now that there is no doubt that he is the only one for him.

BehindBlueEyesOfficial  

1. You are SO jealous. And you're possessive. You don't even need to argue because they're facts. And by the way, I'm not a whore who gets paid for something. As sweet as you are, but stop insinuating that. I have class, Harry.
2. Not even once.
3. So that's it. No kisses for you. And no slap on the bum either because I reckon you'd like that. Time out for you mister!
4. The first point I fully agree with. I want to look as good as possible for you and I need my beauty sleep.
5. It's just you. You alone. Always you. Do you hear me?

HES  

What? How? I didn't say I'd disappoint you. I just said that maybe some of them were more beautiful, which is a fair point. You can't just refuse kisses AND slaps. No. Please don't do that. 

I even admit that I am jealous and possessive but just because I want you all for myself. 

And I'm sorry for making you feel like a whore, I didn't want to indicate that. God, I fucked up again and I am so sorry. 

It's you for me too.

Louis loves to tease Harry. Just as he loves the way Harry jumps right on it. He already knows that they are going to have a lot of fun with it in the future and can't wait for tomorrow to come.

BehindBlueEyesOfficial

You didn't literally say it, but you initiated it. So my punishment is only fair, don't you think?

But I could change my mind with a sweet goodnight text so that you at least get your kiss on your dimple... just saying.

And you haven't messed anything up. Just a little bit of banter between us 😉 don't worry.

And good to know …

HES

My soulmate, the man of my dreams, my little perfect idiot. 

I can't wait to see you in my dreams soon and tomorrow in person. I don't want to let you go now because every second without talking to you is a wasted one, but we both have to sleep now. 

Maybe we'll visit each other there. I can't wait for tomorrow because I just know it's a day that will change my life forever. 

It's the start of us. In reality. I can't wait. 

Wishing you a night as beautiful as the stars above. Dream sweetly! xxx

Louis' poor little heart just can't take it anymore. This man is the sweetest thing that has ever happened to him. His feelings for him completely overwhelm him again and his fingers tremble even as he writes the last message for today.

BehindBlueEyesOfficial

That was the best goodnight text I've ever received. I think a kiss on your dimple is too little for that and you deserve more.

I'll definitely meet you in your dreams. I'm the man with the blue eyes by the way, who knows how many others you dream about. No, only a joke. Not that this is going down the jealous route again.

I'm going to switch off my phone now because otherwise I'll never stop writing to you. Sleep well my dimple heart. I know you look beautiful even with your eyes closed and dreaming.

Always yours 

W.

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

Nervous is an understatement. Louis feels like he's going to burst with excitement at any moment. It's time. He's going to meet Harry any second and he looks around nervously, there are still a few people on the grounds outside the hall and Louis is standing pressed up against the wall of the venue, not wanting to draw attention to himself, after all, there could be fans of his own here at the concert.

He bites his lower lip again and again while his eyes do not stand still for a moment and he is almost dizzy from what is about to happen.

And then he finally sees a male figure round the corner a little further back. Long legs in jeans that are far too tight, curls falling over his shoulders and a green shirt. And he doesn't seem to have seen Louis yet. Better that way because he's probably standing there staring stupidly and looks like he has an aneurysm.

But the closer his soulmate gets, the more Louis sees his face. 

Wait, isn't that Harry Styles? What is he doing here? Louis is completely confused and then suddenly everything becomes clear and the realisation sets in. 

Harry Styles. Styles is the answer. HES. Harry. Old picture and now he has long hair…

His Harry is Harry Styles.

And that's why he looked so familiar.

"What the fuck," Louis breathes softly as he watches the other man who hasn't seen him yet.

Chapter Text

If grass can grow through cement, love can find you at every time in your life.

- Cher

In the quiet confines of his hotel room, Harry lies in bed, the passing hours marked by the gentle tick-tock of his bedside clock. The soft moonlight spills across the room, casting shadows that dance with the restlessness plaguing his thoughts. 

It has been hours, and still, sleep eludes him, held captive by the nervous energy that courses through his veins.

The sheets, once inviting, now seem like a tangled web of anticipation. Harry's mind, usually a haven for dreams, is now a battleground of scenarios and uncertainties. Each attempt to close his eyes and embrace the tranquillity of slumber is thwarted by the looming spectre of meeting his soulmate in just a few hours. 

As he lies there, the weight of the upcoming encounter presses upon him, the gravity of the unknown pulling at the edges of his consciousness. 

The room, once a sanctuary, feels like a chamber of anticipation, amplifying the rustling of his restless thoughts and the rhythmic beating of his heart, a steady reminder of the significance of the impending meeting.

At 3.30 am he gives up sleeping. Even if it's his free day he still has a mandatory work out session in the hotel gym in an hour so there's no point in sleeping anymore. 

Even if he falls asleep, and it's a big if, he would just be more tired when his alarm goes off in an hour. 

HES

So I can't sleep anymore because I'm so nervous about today. Please forgive me for the bags under my eyes. I really tried. 

You know what? Forget that. I actually blame them on you for making me feel that way. 

I just wanted to say good morning because apparently, I can't start my day without you anymore. Sorry. That's what you have to live with from now on. 

Prepare yourself. 

I actually don't want to talk too much today before we meet. Less chances to mess it up again… God, I'm a nervous wreck. What are you doing to me? 

I hope you're still asleep and that you're better at having a beauty-sleep than me. 

Can't wait to see you. 

Harry xxx

How will he survive the day until they finally meet? Harry already feels like his heart will burst out of his chest at any second and he feels a mix of fear and excitement. 

How can he already be in love without actually meeting a person. What if W. lied the whole time and is just a young girl as Harry expected at the beginning? Oh God, that can't be true, can it?

No, he won't make everything worse by imagining the worst possible things. Absolutely not. 

Everything is gonna be fine and W. will understand why Harry lied to him and then they'll just have the best evening ever. Yes, it has to be like that. 

After his workout, alone this time with Brad just on his earphones because he stayed in Manchester, Harry returns to his room and calls room service for his breakfast. 

They ask him at least ten times if he's sure that he just wants cucumber, banana and scrambled eggs without the egg yolk but he gets it at last. 

When he settles down on his bed again he already has a reply from W.

Smiling brightly, he opens the message, unable to wait even a second longer. 

BehindBlueEyesOfficial

Good morning Harry!

It's so nice to wake up to such a sweet message but also knowing that I'll see you today.

Did you find me in your dream? I certainly dreamt about you. If it goes half as well in reality as it did there, then it will be the perfect start for the real us.

And by the way, I'm happy to take the blame for your dark circles. In the future for a lot of other things too, but I won't go into that now 😏

Anygay, I'm also very excited and don't know how I'm going to get through the hours until tonight. Once it would have been Paolo I was looking forward to. But now it's you. For every question why, you’re my because. 

Always you!

W. xxx

Anygay? Harry giggles at the word, it's exactly his humour and he loves that they share that. 

But what does he mean by saying that he takes the blame for many other things in the future. Is it what Harry thinks it means? 

Involuntarily his mind wanders to a possible future where his idiot marks every corner of his body with bite marks and hickeys, wanting to show everyone that Harry belongs to him. 

Shaking his head and massaging his temples Harry tries desperately to let go of the images in his head. He already feels his cock twitching in his briefs and it's just not okay to have a wank over his soulmate before even meeting him. It wouldn't feel right. 

Taking deep breaths he types out an answer as innocent as possible. 

HES

Unfortunately not. To dream you have to sleep and I didn't do that. Like, at all. 

I really hope I can take a nap later. 

I love how you just quote one of my favourite songs to me, even if it's from the wrong artist. We're about to see Paolo. Unfortunately not Louis. We could go to a Louis concert together when he's on tour again. That would be so cool. 

Sorry, I got carried away. What I actually wanted to ask is what you have in mind. What can I blame on you? Are you possessive as well, marking me in every way possible? 

Fuck. I need to get my shit together now. 

I don't text you anymore. It's better if I don't. 

See you later. 

Can't wait to see you and find my home. xxx

Fine, maybe it wasn't as innocent as possible but way better than his thoughts and he's proud for holding back a little. 

BehindBlueEyesOfficial

Oh no darling, you really haven't slept at all? I'm really sorry about that, my poor nervous mess. Shall I bring you a Coke tonight? Or a red bull? Or you can snuggle up in my arms during the concert and get some rest. I could stroke your hair so that you purr like a little kitten. Oh, I think I'm drifting off now, sorry!

And yes, we can go to one of Louis' concerts together. But then I might get jealous when you start simping over him and stop paying attention to me 😢

Because yes, I can get very jealous too. When I've lost my heart to a person, I find it difficult to share them. I'll show you how I express this in real life... we're not going to get horny over messages now!

And it's a shame that you don't want to write to me anymore. The few hours until tonight will feel like an eternity without your texts.

Sending you a kiss

You can decide where it lands on you.

W.

How can a person be this cute and hot at the same time? He seems to care deeply for Harry and he loves getting that kind of attention but when he says something like what he said at the end, about Harry deciding where his kiss lands, it makes his whole body shiver in anticipation. 

When he starts imagining W.’s lips on his body, his cock starts to grow, demanding attention. Instead of touching himself though he types back his last message. For real this time. 

HES

What the hell, W.?!

You said we shouldn't get horny over messages and then you write a last sentence like that? Just for your information I am horny now. 

Another thing I can blame on you 😜

I don't need red bull or a coke. Only you. Snuggling sounds perfect actually. 

And now I'm turning off my phone. Because I'm as weak as you and I can't stop texting you otherwise. 

See you later (I still can't believe it. Today is THE day).

H. xxx

Looking down at himself he decides to take a quick, cold shower to regain control over his body again. 

He has to hurry because his food will be up soon and just when he's about to turn off his phone, a new message arrives and he quickly reads it. 

BehindBlueEyesOfficial

I don't know if you still read it but I meant it completely innocently. It's not my fault where YOUR mind wanders off to. Naughty, naughty boy.

Let's see if it shows in reality tonight too 😉.

See you soon my dimple heart.

Many hugs for you.

Innocent hugs!!!

Innocent. Sure. He means it innocently. Harry doesn't believe it one bit but he still decides to stop this madness now and stick to his plan to turn off his phone. 

The shower helps and after eating breakfast Harry even doses off for two hours. It's not nearly enough but he is thankful for every second he can get. 

With still hours to pass Harry starts the process of getting ready early, too early maybe, but he can't concentrate anyway to do something else. 

Harry stands in front of the mirror, the pale glow of the vanity lights reflecting the nervous excitement in his eyes. The air is thick with anticipation as he carefully selects a pair of tight, black jeans that cling to his form with a subtle confidence. His fingers fumble slightly as he buttons them, the weight of the impending meeting settling in.

Next comes the green shirt, a hue chosen to complement the depth of his eyes and his sign so that W. will recognise him. As he pulls it over his shoulders, the fabric seems to echo the rapid beats of his anxious heart. He adjusts the collar with meticulous precision, each movement a testament to the meticulous care he invests in his appearance for this momentous occasion.

His long hair, usually a cascade of untamed locks, becomes the focus of his attention. With an unsteady hand, he runs a comb through the strands, each stroke an attempt to tame the unruly waves. The mirror reflects a version of Harry that, while externally composed, betrays the inner turbulence beneath the surface.

As he glances at his reflection, the realisation of the significance of this encounter takes hold. His hands, betraying the nervous energy within, tremble slightly. Despite the careful selection of attire and the meticulous styling of his hair, it's the unease in his gaze that speaks volumes about the emotional whirlwind swirling within him.

A look at the time tells him that he still has two hours to kill until he can finally leave for the most important date of his life. 

Sighing, he decides to eat something light for lunch and after ordering it he uses the hotel’s TV to open Spotify. Louis' voice calms him down immediately and Harry sings with him through every song. 

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

With a final, steadying breath, Harry takes one last look in the mirror, his reflection a portrait of anticipation and vulnerability. He inhales deeply, gathering the strength to face the unknown, and steps out into the night, the glow of the concert hall ahead promising both excitement and the potential for a profound connection.

Harry strides toward the concert hall, excitement quickening his steps, yet a flicker of insecurity tinges his movements. The city lights guide him through the short distance, and his eyes reveal a mix of anticipation and self-doubt. A subtle smile graces his face, but his occasional hesitancy hints at the nervous energy beneath the surface. As he gets closer to the VIP entrance, the blend of thrill and uncertainty accompanies him, setting the stage for the meeting that awaits.

Coming closer to their meeting point Harry looks around, searching for a blue shirt but coming up empty. He's only five minutes early but maybe W. is one of those people who arrive at the last second or maybe even too late. 

Still not giving up he searches for his date, the person he longs for the most, but then he sees a person that makes him stop in shock. 

There at the far end Harry sees a person he didn't expect here and he even looks at him. His heart rate becomes even quicker than before and he's sure his doctor would be very concerned right now. 

What is Louis Tomlinson doing here? At Paolo's concert. 

His eyes widen in excitement when he realises that this probably means that the ship is real. Paolo and Louis might just be together in real life. 

God, where is W.? He can't miss this. It's a memorable moment and he wants to share it with him. 

Taking out his phone he quickly writes out a message to him. 

HES

WHERE ARE YOU?

Jhdmaikksmenjannam!!!  

Louis Tomlinson is here. Like, right in front of me. Hurry up or you'll miss him… 

I go and ask him for a picture now.

Putting his phone back in his jeans he takes the last few steps to his idol, still in disbelief about the situation. 

Does it actually happen? It must be the best day of his life if he meets Louis Tomlinson and his soulmate the same day. 

Oh God, he breathes the same air as Louis Tomlinson and he even already looks at him. Shit, his eyes are even more beautiful in real life. He looks so beautiful in his leather jacket and with his jeans and Harry has to fight hard against the urge to just scream out of joy. 

“Hi, Louis. I'm Harry. God, shit, fuck, shit, oh my God, fuck, I swear I am usually very good with my mouth.” Harry can barely breathe and when Louis just smirks at him he realises what he's just said. To Louis Tomlinson. “Shit, sorry, that's not what I meant. God, I'm just so nervous because you are you and I've been a fan since forever and I can't believe I'm actually meeting you today. It's a dream coming true. Your music means so much to me and helped me through hard times. God, sorry if I annoy you, you probably just want to enjoy the concert tonight but it's just so cool and I'm freaking out over here, if you can't already tell. Fuck. Sorry. Could we maybe take a picture together?” 

After finishing his speech he has to take a deep breath because he totally forgot to keep track of his vital functions since he's seen Louis. 

Looking around he still can't see W. anywhere, which disappoints him immensely. How cool would it have been if meeting Louis Tomlinson was their first shared memory? 

“If you must, but don't post it,” Louis answers with a frown on his face. 

And huh, what was that? It's not at all like the Louis he's seen online. Louis is known for his deep connection with his fans and now he treats Harry like that? Like he's a burden? Sometimes it's better to never meet your idol. For the first time Harry actually believes the words. 

“You know what, don't bother. I thought you were nicer. Have fun at the concert,” Harry says and when he's about to turn around and search for W. Louis opens his mouth and says words Harry is sure can't be meant for him. 

“Now who's disappointing who, dimple heart? I'm sure as fuck not disappointed, but surprised. You don't meet your soulmate every day and especially not a soulmate called Harry Styles.”

This can't be real, it's for a hidden camera or a joke like that. He can't be W., that's simply not possible. 

God, please don't let Louis be W. 

Scanning him again he sees a blue shirt beneath his leather jacket and Harry thinks he's about to puke. No no no. 

He's read what Harry wrote about him, about them both. How embarrassing is that? 

He quickly goes through his chapters, trying to find out just how much he humiliated himself. 

The wanking session in chapter 4, making out in chapter 5, kissing in chapter 8, jerking off together in chapter 10. That's it for now he thinks, thank God he was so busy this week, but that's already embarrassing enough. 

He wrote about them and Louis read it, Louis knows about his fantasies with him. 

And shit, he's about to pass out when he remembers how he freaked out about the new photos. 

With his face as hot as never before he asks, “This, this is a joke, right? Where is the hidden camera?” 

When Louis looks at him with irritation shown on his face Harry, who already feels his eyes fill with tears, says, “Did you catfish me? Because it's so funny to lead on a fan and your new competitor? Is that it?” 

He is about to turn around, to hide in his hotel room and cry in peace when Louis takes his hand to hold him back. 

“Fuck, Harry, no. How can you, why? Don't you trust me? Yes, I lied about my identity but so did you. But nothing else was a lie. Trust me, love. Everything I told you, every single word came straight out of my heart. I am still W., still your idiot. Believe me.” 

And there he is. With every word Harry recognises his idiot, his soulmate, the person he was desperate to meet. 

“W. as in William? As in Louis William Tomlinson?” He asks, taking a step closer and smiling at him. 

When Louis just nods and looks at him with pleading eyes, obviously unsure about everything Harry wants nothing more than to kiss away his fears. He can't, though, not in front of the venue where everyone could see them. Louis is closeted after all. And in a relationship with Florence. God, how he hates her and her wandering hands right now. Jealousy starts to creep up inside of him but Harry pushes it down with everything he has. Now it's not the time for that, they can talk about it later. 

Instead he says, “I can't believe you're him. I feel so humiliated. What I told you about Louis, about yourself, what I wrote about us. Shit. I'm sorry. It's just so embarrassing.” 

“It's okay. I wrote about myself and Paolo, that's barely any better. Don't be embarrassed, dimple heart. You're all I ever dreamed of, inside and out and I like that you like how I look. It's a huge compliment that you write about me,” Louis says, stroking small circles into his skin on his hand. 

Right. There is the fact that Louis obviously has a thing for Paolo if he wrote them together. Paolo whose concert they're about to attend together. The pang of jealousy is back and Harry almost loses his fight against it this time. 

“Let's go inside. Now. Because I demand the kiss you promised me and we can't do this here,” Harry whispers, already heading into the direction of the VIP entrance, Louis following him without hesitation. 

Since Louis has a VIP lounge all for himself and Harry has a shared one they chose to go for Louis' tickets and quickly close the door behind them as soon as they reach their lounge. 

For a moment they just stand there, close to each other, looking into their eyes and breathing in sync. 

Then Louis cups his face, finding his dimples with his thumbs and poking them lightly. He leans him, his eyes never leaving Harry's, and then he breathes a kiss right on his left dimple, making Harry hold his breath for a second. 

He continues with his right dimple and finally he presses his lips to Harry's in an innocent but magical first kiss. 

In the moment of their first kiss, Harry's world narrows to the warmth of their connection. Time seems to suspend as their lips meet, and an electric current courses through him. A kaleidoscope of emotions dances within – the thrill of discovery, the sweet surrender to vulnerability, and the resonance of a profound connection. It's a heartbeat in slow motion, a symphony of sensations that etches this moment into the tapestry of his soul, forever marking the beginning of a shared journey.

It's the perfect kiss and Harry feels the connection from their texts transmitted into real life and he's sure he just met the person he will spend the rest of his life with. 

“Wow,” he breathes when their kiss breaks, their faces still inches apart, “I can't believe that's happening to me. It's even better than expected.” 

Louis smiles at him. “I'm so glad you're not disappointed. I won't let you go again, just so you know.” 

Harry is more than on board with it, but instead of answering he leans down to get another kiss. 

Their second kiss still feels magical but it's much more passionate. Louis opens his mouth to welcome Harry's tongue and when their tongues meet in a hungry dance, Louis grabs his hips and pulls him closer. There's no room between them anymore and Harry feels dizzy from all the sensations. 

Tasting Louis is incredible, smelling him is amazing but touching him, being close to him, makes Harry's head spin and he loses track of everything that isn't Louis. 

Harry moves them so that Louis' back is pressed against the door, not stopping their kiss once. 

When Louis' hands wander down and he grabs his ass cheeks Harry moans into their kiss and presses his hard cock against Louis' hip. 

He's about to lose control, in his mind he already sees Louis pressing his cock inside of him right here, when Louis breaks their kiss and pushes Harry away. 

They both breathe heavily and Harry suddenly feels insecure again. Doesn't Louis want him? Did he do something wrong? Something that turned him off? 

He highly doubts it when he looks down at Louis' crotch and sees his huge erection there. 

“We should stop, dimple heart. As much as I want you, and trust me I can't wait to get naked with you, we should behave ourselves tonight. We have all the time in the world after all,” Louis explains and he's right, of course he is, but Harry still wants to be close to him again, already missing the warmth of his body against his own. 

With a pout on his face Harry replies, “Fine. I guess you're right. But can we still snuggle and kiss? I feel like I waited forever to finally be that close to you.” 

Louis' smile is bright and heartwarming and unlike any other he's seen on TV or Instagram. It's a tender smile and Harry likes to believe it's reserved just for him.

“You're not a pilot then,” Harry points out when Louis puts his arms around him, pulling him into a tight embrace. 

“No,” Louis laughs, “So you don't have to be jealous of any passengers anymore.” 

“True,” Harry answers, “Instead I can be jealous of thousands of fans, your security -we have to talk about boundaries by the way-, Florence fucking Pugh and lets not forget the person we'll look at in a bit: Paolo Nutini. The man who you pictured yourself with countless times, writing hot smut about you two.” 

Harry knows he sounds frustrated and jealous and he probably is too much already but Louis brought it up himself and he couldn't suppress his thoughts again. 

Jealousy grips Harry like a tightening knot in his chest, an unwelcome surge of insecurity and longing. It's a visceral mix of frustration and vulnerability, as he grapples with the unsettling emotions that arise at the mere thought of someone else capturing the attention he desires. The red-eyed beast whispers doubts in his mind, leaving him torn between rationality and the raw, irrational twinge of envy that colours his perspective.

Will he be enough for Louis, enough to defeat the competition for the rest of their lives? 

“Oh Harry, my love. I already told you it's only you. The statement still stands. You're the one that I want. The only one. My soulmate, my missing piece, my because, my dimple heart.”

Louis kisses him again and for a moment, when their tongues touch and Harry feels Louis' hands on his lower back, he forgets about everyone and everything and just lets himself guide into their own little world, where Harry and Louis are the only people that count.

Chapter Text

You are more than a soulmate 
You are a piece of my soul

-Marie Jo Schwarz-

The crowd has a life of its own and Louis feels the energy, loves the vibe as Paolo sings down on the stage. He quietly sings along to the songs, can hardly wait to be on stage again himself and is almost a little jealous of the singer. But he also wants to find a quiet spot to feel serenity and that he can find only in his person, only in Harry. Harry, who’s sitting in the chair next to him with Louis‘ arm around his shoulder. This man whose eyes literally bores into him while everyone around them is looking at the stage.

“Look down at the stage, Harry,” Louis grins before turning his gaze to Harry.

Louis could eat him up right now. The way he sits there, leaning his head on Louis' shoulder and looking up at him, an almost creepy love stare on his face and his red cheeks when Louis catches him doing just that.

"How can I look at Paolo when I have you sitting here next to me?" Harry pouts.

And Louis is so gone for this man. Harry has already wrapped him around his little finger with his messages, but now to see him live in person, how sweetly he scrunches his nose and the words he speaks coming out of his full lips, nothing and no one could have prepared Louis for that. Paolo is also forgotten for him and he turns his upper body more towards him, pulls Harry even closer to him and puts a hand on his cheek.

Only the lights on the stage sometimes flicker over Harry's face, otherwise it's dark around them. And yet he sees exactly the depth of those green eyes that look at him intensely or how Harry's mouth opens slightly and he takes a deep breath, waiting for what Louis is going to do next, his body muscular and yet soft at the same time as Harry ensures that there is not an inch too much between them.

Louis slowly brings his face closer to Harry's, gently rubbing the tips of their noses together, making Harry giggle slightly. And how could Louis not be grinning like a honey cake horse at this sound?

“You're so cute. Just like in your messages," Louis says quietly, hopes that Harry can hear him over the loud music but doesn't want to shout louder and destroy this atmosphere between them.

"Then kiss me," Harry breathes back.

“Love how eager you are. Absolutely no patience, huh?” Louis smiles and even goes so far as to tease Harry by pulling his head back a little.

But he already has Harry's hand on his neck and two hungry eyes holding his gaze. The next moment their lips crash together and for Louis it feels like he’s floating.

Somewhere far up in another sphere that is only filled by Harry.

He never felt this way in a kiss, no matter how much in love he was. He knew beforehand that Harry was something special but apparently feelings go deeper with a soulmate, this man is literally anchored in him with no chance of ever changing it. Harry will always be his, no matter what. He can only hope that they never lose each other, that whatever they are starting here he can have until he is old and wrinkled.

Louis loves how soft Harry's lips feel against his, how he dominates the kiss and Louis lets him, how it hasn't even felt weird to kiss him so quickly after their first meeting but right from the first moment. Harry's hand claws into his shirt above his chest and suddenly he has him sitting on his lap, both Harry's hands on his face and Louis is trapped under the most beautiful body and man who his eyes have ever rested on. His own hands slowly stroke up and down his back, feeling the body that he only knew from photos and didn't even know that was his Harry. Discover, absorb, touch. That's the only thing that matters to Louis at this moment. The music and the volume of the fans have long since become background noise, drowned out by his own loudly racing heart and the quiet sounds that escape Harry and vibrate against his lips.

Who is Paolo anyway? And in general, how has he lived without Harry all these years? This is real. This is love in its purest form. And Louis is the richest man in the world since he met Harry.

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

“Do you want to... um... come home with me so we can talk in peace?” Louis asks as they stand opposite each other in the hallway in front of the VIP box and look at each other, holding their hands between them. Louis keeps looking around, too afraid that someone might walk by and see both of them. Too much depends on this remaining a secret. But the hallway is empty, both had waited long enough until most of the fans had already left the venue. They spent the time with burning looks and soft kisses, sitting on the floor so that they certainly wouldn't be seen.

Harry nods so wildly and grins so broadly that Louis can't help but giggle softly again. But then in the next moment he stops and his look becomes serious. "Just talking?" Harry pouts.

“Who knows,” Louis winks at him, running his tongue over his bottom lip.

Harry's eyes get big and his breath catches. Is it conceited to say that Louis loves how much Harry responds to him? Maybe… and yet he loves it.

“When do you have to leave tomorrow? You're welcome to spend the whole night with me if you want," Louis offers, hoping that Harry doesn't want to part with him as much as he does.

"Around lunchtime, I have to go see some famous people again in the evening so I can get some of their glamour and shine," Harry rolls his eyes. “But of course I’ll stay with you. As if you would willingly make me spend the night in the hotel all by myself.”

“I already hate anyone who enjoys your presence tomorrow. It should be me,” Louis says, then adds a little more sadly. “I’m going to cry so much when you have to leave tomorrow.”

Harry immediately mirrors his expression. "Me too. But let’s not think about it just yet.”

And then he wants to kiss Louis, leaning his face down towards him, but Louis shakes his head sadly. “Not here, dimple heart.”

Harry looks almost hurt, a frown on his forehead and the corners of his mouth turning down.

“Sorry,” Louis whispers, squeezing his hand tighter for a brief moment. "Come on let us go."

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

Louis smiles over his shoulder back at Harry as he unlocks the front door of his house and pulls him in behind him.

“Wow, this is all so unreal. I never thought I would enter the house of the Louis Tomlinson,” Harry marvels and looks around in amazement.

Louis carelessly takes off his shoes and grins cheekily. “It's good that you only know who I really am since today. Otherwise I would think that you only like me because I am THE Louis Tomlinson.”

Harry's expression immediately becomes serious and he looks at him in shock. “Oh God Lou no. I hope you don't secretly think that of me. You know that I... Well, had feelings for you before. I don’t care about your success or anything.”

Louis smiles reassuringly at him and nods. "I know. Now take off your shoes and come with me to the living room.”

Harry nods again as wildly as an eager puppy and immediately obeys his request, only to grab his hand the next moment.

Every touch from Harry triggers a tingling sensation inside him. Holding his hand, Harry’s mouth on his or his body pressed against him. It's magical and Louis is completely under Harry's spell. Swinging his hands between them, Louis leads him to the living room and they both take a seat on the sofa.

“Do you want something to drink?” Louis asks, but in the next moment he has Harry sitting on his lap again.

"No. Living only on air and love. Don't need water or anything. Only you,” Harry replies, folding his arms behind Louis’ neck and straddling his legs. As if it had always been like this, as if this place is reserved just for Harry.

“Fuck, you’re so… incredible,” Louis whispers, their eyes locking into each other.

Sinking into this green, it is almost as if you were laying into a freshly bloomed meadow after a long winter to welcome spring.

Louis places his hands on Harry's cheeks and slowly runs his thumbs over his cheekbones, pulling Harry's face closer to his.

Their lips hover over each other while their breaths mingle and Louis simply enjoys how only that makes him feel. But then he can't help but lock their lips, kisses Harry slowly and gently, accompanied by a tingling sensation through every cell of his body. Until Louis starts giggling.

"What?" Harry breathes against his mouth, smiling.

Louis puts a little more space between their faces and grins at him. “I can't believe you're actually Harry Styles. My biggest opponent. That… that we both lied to each other like that and…—“

"And?" Harry asks, tilting his head to the side, looking wonderfully curious.

“And now I’m going to kiss you again. As often and as long as I want, simply because I can and am allowed to,” Louis whispers before pressing his mouth back on his.

It takes a long time for Louis to feel able to break away from Harry, every second he doesn't kiss the other man feels like a waste. But Louis knows that they have a lot to talk about.

“Let’s talk, huh? What do you think of that?” he asks gently, strokes mesmerised through Harry’s long curls and managing to bring out his favourite dimple again. Of course he has to give it another kiss, as if he had any other choice.

"Yes, I think we should really do that," Harry nods, still smiling.

“Do you mind if I have a quick smoke? You can come with me or look around here, whatever you like.”

“Hmm, a difficult decision. But I think I'll look around and I have to go to the bathroom anyway," Harry replies and Louis helps him get up from his lap.

“The bathroom is at the front in the hallway. Or you can go upstairs to my bathroom. Whatever you like,” Louis explains.

"Okay thanks. Don't smoke for too long, I want to make the most of every second," Harry says, letting Louis burn under one of his looks again before making his way to the bathroom in the hallway.

Louis, on the other hand, steps out onto the terrace and while he lights a cigarette he looks through the large window into the living room to watch Harry when he comes out of the bathroom while he leans against the wall of the house.

“Shit… it’s him. Harry is my person. Oh my god,” Louis murmurs quietly to himself and takes the second drag of the cigarette.

His emotions are on a roller coaster and despite the fact that he just kissed him and has already spent several hours with him, it still feels so unreal. Louis has found and met his soulmate. His dimple heart. Incomprehensible. Beautiful. So in fucking love.

Louis closes his eyes and leans his head against the wall of the house, reminiscing about their first meeting in these quiet minutes.

“Hi, Louis. I'm Harry. God, shit, fuck, shit, oh my God, fuck, I swear I am usually very good with my mouth.” Harry said so breathlessly and excitedly so that it dawned on Louis right there that he had absolutely no idea who Louis really was. That Harry was completely in fangirl mode. And so wonderfully sweet too. “Shit, sorry, that's not what I meant. God, I'm just so nervous because you are you and I've been a fan since forever and I can't believe I'm actually meeting you today. It's a dream coming true. Your music means so much to me and helped me through hard times. God, sorry if I tell you, you probably just want to enjoy the concert tonight but it's just so cool and I'm freaking out over here, if you can't already tell. Fuck. Sorry. Could we maybe take a picture together?”

Harry took a deep breath and his eyes looked wild and wide down at Louis. That was the moment he knew he was truly and irrevocably lost to this man. This dork who suddenly looked wild around him and Louis already hated at that moment that his eyes were no longer on him.

In order to draw attention back to himself and also a bit disappointed that Harry didn't recognise him immediately, after all they are fucking soulmates, he answered his question with a frown on his face.

“If you must, but don’t post it.”

Harry's gaze snapped back to him and was there disappointment behind it? Definitely an outrage and Louis would have liked to grab him at that moment and cover his face with lots of little kisses just to make him look different again.

“You know what, don't bother. I thought you were nicer. Have fun at the concert,” Harry said a bit too harshly and when he was about to turn around he knew that Louis finally had to make it clear to him that he wasn’t just looking at his idol but also his soulmate.

“Now who's disappointing who, dimple heart? I'm sure as fuck not disappointed, but surprised. You don’t meet your soulmate every day and especially not a soulmate called Harry Styles.”

Harry froze, his eyes widening and his cheeks reddening while Louis just stood there, unable to do anything but marvel at the disbelief on his face. His adorable dork.

“This, this is a joke, right? Where is the hidden camera?”

Louis couldn't believe that was his first reaction. He had imagined it all a little differently. And yet, he knew it would be a shock for Harry. But then his heart broke as he saw Harry's eyes fill with tears.

“Did you catfish me? Because it's so funny to lead on a fan and your new competitor? Is that it?”

Harry wanted to step away from him again, but Louis suspected that he was trying to escape and he couldn't allow that. Louis took his hand to hold him back.

“Fuck, Harry, no. How can you, why. Don't you trust me? Yes, I lied about my identity but so did you. But nothing else was a lie. Trust me, love. Everything I told you, every single word came straight out of my heart. I am still W., still your idiot. Believe me.”

And Harry's gaze softened, almost as if understanding was finally setting in, and Louis breathed a sigh of relief at that.

“W. as in William? As in Louis William Tomlinson?” Harry asked, took a step closer and smiled at him.

Louis nodded at that and looked at him pleadingly, hoping that Harry would open up to him more. That he would believe him that this isn't about the musician Louis Tomlinson but about Louis meeting his Harry for the first time. That he never had evil ulterior motives.

Harry's cheeks became a little redder with his next words, “I can't believe you're him. I feel so humiliated. What I told you about Louis, about yourself, what I wrote about us. Shit. I'm sorry. It’s just so embarrassing.”

"It's okay. I wrote about myself and Paolo, that's barely any better. Don't be embarrassed, dimple heart. You're all I ever dreamed of, inside and out and I like that you like how I look. It’s a huge compliment that you write about me,” Louis said, stroking small circles into Harry’s skin on his hand. He would have preferred never to let go of that hand, and even then he no longer knew how he would ever let this man go back to Manchester.

When he opens his eyes again, his gaze slides directly onto Harry, who is walking through his living room looking interested and then stops in front of the glass display case with all sorts of things inside. Among other things, photos with his family and friends and also his only and first award for Newcomer of the Year.

Louis smiles, just because it's Harry he can watch, letting his eyes wander over his body and his side profile. Even though he is now older than in his profile picture on Twitter, he can see the resemblance knowing that it is Harry Styles. The man was handsome back then, but now with the little touch of stubble on his cheeks and the long hair, he is otherworldly. Louis quickly takes one last drag of his cigarette, puts it out and then can't wait to go inside and just bathe in the presence of Harry.

"Hey," Louis says quietly as he comes back in and Harry immediately turns to him and beams.

“Who is that man in the photo?” Harry asks as he steps closer to him and points to the photo with his friend Luke.

"Oh, that's Luke," Louis says, putting a hand around Harry's waist.

„Uh-huh... he's hot, don't you think?" Harry asks, looking at Louis.

“Um, I guess? I never thought about it. We’ve known each other since we were kids and he’s one of my closest friends,” Louis shrugs.

Harry looks at him for a moment, curls his lips and then nods. Whatever that means. But Louis doesn't want to waste any more thought on this and would rather broach more important topics.

With Harry in his arms, he leads him back to the sofa and gently pushes him down there. When he sits down next to him, Harry immediately cuddles up to him and their hands naturally intertwine and rest on Louis' stomach.

“Is there something you want to start with? Is there something on your mind, darling?” Louis asks, placing a gentle kiss on Harry’s curly hair.

“Yeah… to be honest, it really bothers me that you have to do a shitty stunt with Florence Pugh. That you appear straight in public and I can't shout to the world that you're mine. Because you are mine, right Louis?” Harry answers bitterly and again there is that sweet pout on his lips.

“Of course I am. Not just since today,” Louis confirms.

"I don't want her to touch you," Harry hisses, seeming to really get into it.

“Believe me, I don’t want that either, but I can’t change anything about the contract at the moment. When I told you that someone touched me at the airport, it was actually Flo. We have since spoken about it and she has apologised. At least that won’t happen again, don’t worry,” Louis explains.

But Harry huffs. "Don’t worry? I don't want you to kiss her. And I hate her for touching your bum. You were completely upset by it.”

"Harry—" Louis wants to reassure him, but Harry's stern look immediately silences him.

"No. This woman has lost my respect,” he states and Louis sighs.

“I hope you never run into her, huh?”

"Better for her, yes," Harry nods, pressing himself even closer to him, hugging him around his stomach and pressing his face into Louis' collarbone.

“Calm down dimple heart. I don't care about Florence. You're the only one for me," he breathes, resting his chin on Harry's head.

“As it should be,” Harry murmurs, sounding so cute that Louis has to giggle again.

But then his head lifts and Harry looks at him thoughtfully.

"What are we?"

"Soulmates, darling," Louis smiles, running his finger along the bridge of Harry's nose and then bobbing the tip of his nose.

“But…” Harry begins, wanting to argue.

But Louis just shakes his head. “Shh Harry, just enjoy. We have each other. We don't have to keep going at this gallop and make a race out of it. We have time."

"But you know how I feel about you," Harry whispers. “I was serious… I'm in love with you. Don’t you feel the same?”

Louis just looks at Harry for a moment, taking in every little detail about Harry and giving him a quick kiss. “Yes, dimple heart. I feel the same. I wanted to tell you in person, it has to do with my past but that’s a story for another time. I’m in love with you too.”

Harry then begins to cry, quietly and without making a sound, tears running down his cheeks and his lower lip begins to wobble.

“Oh no, darling, don’t cry, otherwise I’ll start too. Did I say something wrong?” Louis asks and quickly wipes away the tears with his hand. Harry immediately places his hand over his so that he rests it on his cheek.

"No, you said exactly the right thing," Harry breathes, and then his favourite dimple grin finally appears on his face again.

“Good,” Louis whispers back and smiles at him. And of course they meet again in a kiss. As if it could be different. Louis was born to kiss Harry's full lips, so to speak.

When they separate again, Louis curls a lock of Harry's hair around his finger. “Actually, I was planning on making you sign an NDA. But you're not just a fan, you're in the music business yourself. You know that we can't go public about this. I would commit a penalty and freak out my management. I trust you darling.”

“You can trust me! I would never want to get you in trouble," Harry nods eagerly.

“Remember not to say anything to your family or friends either. Only the two of us know about this,” Louis makes sure again.

"Yes, okay. It will be difficult for me but I'll hold tight. Not a word comes out of my mouth," Harry says, pressing his lips together hard to prove it, so that Louis shakes his head at him in amusement.

“Thank you,” he smiles.

"Um, Lou?" Harry suddenly asks.

"Yes?"

"It would be... uhm, can we... Uhm," Harry stammers, blushing crimson red. Louis can't help but pinch Harry's cheeks.

“Oh I know what you want. Do you want me to say it for you?” Louis grins after Harry gently slaps his hand away from his cheeks.

A nod from Harry and Louis continues, "Shall we go to bed and cuddle? Maybe we can even get some sleep, you of all people need it.”

"Shit, you can really read my mind," Harry marvels, his pink lips parting in wonder.

“Soulmates,” Louis just shrugs with a grin.

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

Louis wakes up the next day with a face full of curls and a body flush against his. Harry has taken over him completely, his leg wrapped over his own, his arm holding him securely around Louis' middle and his face resting against his.

They both actually managed to just cuddle yesterday. And kissing, obviously. But even though Harry repeatedly emphasised that they could still talk and that he wasn't tired at all, he fell asleep in the middle of Louis' sentence faster than he thought.

Without question, Louis lay awake for a long time, stroking his hair and listening to the gentle breathing, trying once again to realise what had happened in the last few hours.

And he regrets falling asleep himself. Because it's already ten o'clock, which a glance at his alarm clock tells him, and Harry has to head home around noon. They've slept through most of the time and Louis isn't ready to say goodbye yet. How is he supposed to let this man go without his heart shattering? Harry will take it with him.

"Darling? Harry? Dimple heart?” Louis rasps and places lots of small kisses on Harry’s temple until he wrinkles his nose and slowly opens his eyes.

“Good morning, it’s already ten o’clock,” Louis says quietly.

Harry mumbles something incomprehensible and nuzzles into Louis‘ neck. Louis hugs the warm body on top of him a little tighter and continues kissing Harry's forehead until he finally extends his face so that they meet in a kiss on their mouths.

"I do not want to go. But actually I have to go immediately. I have to check out of my room. Actually, I'm already too late for that," Harry whines against his lips.

"Fuck... how am I supposed to let you go?" Louis asks, rolling Harry over onto his back and then on top of him.

His eyes wildly search those of his soulmate while he holds his face tightly between his hands. “We hardly had any time together. Can't you stay here? Please!"

But tears are already swimming in Harry's eyes and he shakes his head slightly. "No. Management is so strict with me especially after I made headlines with my drunk photos on Friday.”

Louis drops his forehead against Harry's and closes his eyes as Harry's arms hold him tight.

“Harry. About Friday... from now on it will definitely feel like cheating if you willingly let another man touch you again. You are mine all alone. Promise me I don't have to worry," Louis says and then looks back at Harry.

"Of course I promise you that. You're my idiot. And I'm your Harry," Harry nods and looks so honest and serious that Louis breathes a sigh of relief. And then loses himself in Harry in a passionate kiss full of emotions.

It almost physically hurts as he pulls away and rolls back, watching as Harry pulls his pants over his long legs. Or how he watches him in silence as he quickly freshens up in his bathroom only for them to rush downstairs and Harry slips into his shoes. The only thing that reassures him is that they now both have their mobile phone numbers and he can call Harry at any time.

But Louis wouldn't have expected how much it hurt in his heart when he had to say goodbye to his soulmate.

The tearful kisses tear his heart apart and it feels like he's being torn in half.

"Take care, Lou," Harry sobs into their final embrace, the taxi already waiting at the front door. “Let’s write and talk on the phone. And meet very soon again.”

“Of course, dimple heart. As quickly as possible. Take good care of my heart because you carry it in your hands now,” Louis sniffs and wipes the tears from his cheek. 

"And you mine too," Harry whispers, placing his hand on Louis' chest.

"Kiss me again and then leave, otherwise I'll never let you go," Louis begs desperately and Harry literally throws himself on him, almost making both of them lose their balance so that they giggle into their kiss despite the farewell.

When Harry steps out and Louis sees how he looks sadly at him from the window before the taxi with his soulmate disappears around the corner, Louis' world dissolves into a blur.

He literally collapses as soon as the door is closed and slides to the floor along the wall in the hallway, pulling his knees against his chest and burying his face in his hands. This is a pain he has never known before. Mentally and physically and Louis doesn't know how he'll ever stop crying again.

Chapter Text

So this is what you do when it all slows down and the minutes that tick by feels a little longer than before. You open your eyes a little wider, and look at everything. Take it all in. Rehash stories of old, remember people, times and occasions gone by. Allow everything you see to remind you of something. Talk about those things. Stop and take your time to notice things and make those things you notice matter. Find out the answers you didn't know to yesterday's crosswords. Slow down. Stop trying to do everything now, now, now.

-Cecelia Ahern

Alone back in his hotel room, Harry scrambles to pack, his actions driven by the impending departure to Manchester. The suitcase becomes a vessel for practicalities, but the weight of leaving London, the city that embodies their shared moments, even if it weren't many, hangs over him.

As he folds shirts and stows away essentials, a sense of dread settles in. The room serves as a stark contrast to the vibrant memories painted across the canvas of London. 

A hint of sadness creeps into his movements, and a tear escapes as he contemplates the miles that will soon separate him from the person he fell in love with so quickly and without having a chance to fight it. It's not just the physical distance, it's the emotional space between them which will hurt most. 

Sure, they will talk online again, now even more open after they finally know who they are, but Harry just knows it won't be enough.

Not being able to talk about all of it with friends and family makes it even worse, since Harry feels the need to let out his emotions. 

Closing the suitcase, Harry casts a lingering gaze around the room and out of the window. The weight of leaving London, the city that encapsulates their connection, accompanies him as he steps out, each footfall echoing the ache of parting from his soulmate. 

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

After checking out Harry settles down in the backseat of the car, his driver already a little impatient. Being sure it's about him fearing the management's reaction, Harry smiles apologetically at him and promises to be on time from now on. 

While driving through London Harry takes out his phone, hoping for a message from Louis. 

It still feels surreal that W. is Louis. Surreal and at the same time like a dream coming true. How often did he dream about meeting Louis Tomlinson and instantly falling in love with him, creating a love story between a fan and him inside his head? And now it became his reality. Different than imagined, yes, he would have never dreamed about a story like that, but he still feels like he lives in a romance novel right now, where his idol not only is interested in him, but already has deep feelings for him. 

But apparently his feelings aren't deep enough yet since Harry doesn't have a new message from Louis. Just one from his mum, wanting him to call her and one from Sam, reprimanding him for checking out late and reminding him to not fuck up again tonight. Rolling his eyes at the message, he quickly closes it and is about to text Louis when he stops and thinks back at what he's said. 

“Shh Harry, just enjoy. We have each other. We don't have to keep going at this gallop and make a race out of it. We have time.” 

Louis doesn't want to continue like that and already wants to slow down. He doesn't want a real relationship with him even if he says that he feels the same about Harry as he feels for him. Maybe he's already annoyed by Harry, who already showed him his jealous side several times. 

It's totally unsexy to be as jealous as he is, Harry is aware of that, but he can't help himself. His insecurities about his looks and character mixed with his fears of not being perfect enough makes an explosive combination which always ends in chaos and heartbreak when his red-eyed beast shows up and refuses to leave again. 

Sighing, he closes their chat and opens twitter instead. He needs an outlet, something to do to not think about his fears of losing Louis before it even started. 

Since he doesn't know if he's able to continue writing about him and Louis, writing his story is out of the question but he really needs something to do to stop himself from bothering Louis after leaving just an hour ago. 

Somehow he feels in the mood to post something and communicate with some fans. He doesn't have many yet but he loves every single one of them and they deserve his attention. 

At least it will kill time and occupy his thoughts for a while.

Quickly, he types out a tweet, not thinking about it too much before hitting send. 

Harry Styles.  

Reflecting on the incredible chapters of my musical journey. From the first chord to the release of my debut single, your support has been the heartbeat of it all. Here's to the rhythm of endless possibilities.

To kill time while waiting for an answer Harry tortures himself by looking at the pictures and videos of Louis and Florence again, feeling his anger rising inside him instantly. 

He hates this woman with all his heart, not for being Louis' fake girlfriend, he knows it's not her fault, but for touching him against his will and upsetting him like that. 

Shaking his head he closes the tabs and opens twitter again to have a look at some replies to his post. 

There are only a few, some fans who congratulate him and tell him that they are looking forward to his album and some questions about whether he plans to go on tour with his debut album. He huffs out, shaking his head in amusement. His debut album isn't even out yet, they don't even know if the other songs are good, and Harry can be thankful to fill a small pub with his almost non-existent level of prominence. 

Harry replies to ten posts, but then he gets a notification that makes him stop replying and eagerly clicking on it.

Louis Tomlinson replied to your post.

He has seen this notification before, on his private account and he still remembers how excited he was about Louis Tomlinson knowing who he is. Now he not only knows that, he’s even aware of Harry's thoughts, feelings and dark side. Louis Tomlinson is the person who knows him best and now he answered again to one of his posts. Officially even, which makes him frown. Should their fans know that they are in contact? Of course they can't know about the extent of their relationship but Harry assumed they should stay in the shadows completely. 

His heart rate rising again, he looks down at Louis' reply and huffs out a laugh. 

Louis Tomlinson

Yes, the possibility of being second. However, you are number one in something completely different haha

Number one in something completely different. Hoping he understands correctly that this is a compliment and a reference to their time together he clutches the phone and imagines being close to Louis again. 

He doesn't answer, doesn't know what to say to not be too obvious about everything and so he just likes it and closes the app again. 

Only ten minutes later, his phone rings and Harry grimaces down at it when he sees the caller ID: Sam. 

Rolling his eyes he picks up and doesn't even get a greeting again. Sam should really work on his manners. 

“Louis Tomlinson insults you openly and you don't do anything about it. What kind of loser are you?” 

Irritated, Harry frowns and when he asks him which insult he's talking about, Sam bursts out in rage, “On twitter, you idiot. He replied to your post with telling you you're only second best and then he says you're best at something else and he sure as fuck doesn't mean something positive with that.” 

“I don't think he wanted to insult me. He's not like that,” Harry argues, talking quietly and slowly. 

“You don't even know him. Just because you're obsessed with him doesn't mean he's a nice guy. Wake up, Harry. He hates you because you're too good. Soon you'll be bigger than him and he can't handle it. I want you to reply to his tweet. Make sure he knows that we aren't intimidated and that he has to keep an eye out for you.” 

It's clearly non-negotiable and even if Harry thinks it's stupid and childish, he agrees to do just that. 

They hang up and Harry looks down at Louis' reply again. Sighing, he types out something that will potentially satisfy his management but isn't insulting. 

Harry Styles.

@Louis_Tomlinson Just wait until our albums are out. We'll see who is second best then. 

The rest of the drive goes by fast. He calls his mother to give her an update on everything but Louis and then he still writes a little more, he doesn't want his new reality to ruin his fantasy, the world he can escape to whenever he needs it. He even sends Louis another chapter of his story. He's his beta after all and Harry doesn't want to stop just because they now know each other. 

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

He just arrived home when his phone rings and he sees Louis, saved as Soulmate<3, calling him. Maybe Louis doesn't want to take it slow after all. 

With a huge smile on his face he picks up the phone. 

“Hey babe, nice of you to call. What's up?” 

“Harry, I think we have a problem,” Louis says, out of breath as if he's running right now. 

Instantly on alert he asks him what happened and he's about to giggle when Louis explains everything to him. 

“My management called about our interactions on twitter. They think us hating each other and acting like competitors could be helpful for promoting my album, drawing even more attention to me, so they want me to keep this up. They want me to insult you and act as if I hate you.” 

“And what exactly is the problem with that?” Harry asks, not really understanding why it seems to bother Louis that much. 

“I can't act as if I don't have feelings for you, dimple heart. You mean so much to me and I don't want us to be enemies in public. Why don't you care about it?” Louis whines, sounding more than a little upset about everything. 

“We're not allowed to date publicly anyway and like that we can at least talk to and about each other,” Harry answers, looking at the clock worriedly. He has to get ready for his party soon even if he doesn't want it. 

“Yeah, talking shit about and insulting each other. What a great perspective.”

Louis sounds hurt and Harry wants to do nothing more than hugging him tightly and telling him that everything is gonna be fine. 

“What if we create code words that only we understand,” Harry thinks out loud and when Louis asks him what he means he explains, “Like for example the word incompetent could mean I miss you and we could find many different meanings for words and then we communicate masked and in our own language through those insults. Your management will be satisfied and shut up about it and we have our peace.” 

“Okay. I'll think about it. How was your drive? Why didn't you text me? I missed you and all I got was an extremely steamy chapter which made me miss you even more,” Louis says, changing the subject. 

Nibbling on his bottom lip Harry thinks about his answer. Should he be honest and tell him how insecure he is about Louis wanting to slow down things or is it smarter to just lie to him about it? 

He's never held back with Louis, that's part of why their relationship became special so quick and objectively he knows that it wouldn't be smart to start now. But what if he's too much after all? What if Louis feels like he can't breathe properly anymore when Harry is so demanding and clingy?

His answer takes him too long and he feels Louis becoming impatient and insecure at the other end of the line. When he starts to shuffle around, Harry finally starts talking without thinking about the consequences anymore. He just has to be honest to him. If he can't be honest to his soulmate it's doomed from the start. 

“I thought it would be too much. That I am too clingy and pressure you by galloping as you would say,” he whispers, feeling ashamed for being like that.  

Harry's voice trembles as he confesses even more to Louis, "I'm afraid I'll ruin everything by just being myself." 

Tears glisten in his eyes, and a heavy sense of shame hangs in the air as he exposes the vulnerability that he's kept hidden and never told anyone before. 

He doesn't have to wait long for an answer and Louis sounds so sure about his words that Harry almost believes them. 

“You won't ruin anything, love. I like who you are, every single part of you and I want you to always be yourself around me. You can be clingy, impatient, jealous and horny, I don't care. Please don't suppress it just because you think I'd like you better if you do. And I didn't tell you I want to slow down things because you're too much but because I want us to worship every single step of our journey together.” 

Harry grins happily, once again thankful for finding this person. He has to send AO3 a gift basket or something like that. Is there an address for things like that? He doesn't know but he plans on finding out soon. 

They talk for another fifteen minutes but it feels like they don't say anything other than how much they already miss each other and how much it sucks that they can't just go to the party together. 

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

After hanging up, he has to hurry to get ready for another party he isn't keen on going to. At least Emma will be there again which gives him the guarantee for new pictures that let him shine. 

Harry meticulously styles his tousled hair, adding just the right amount of product to achieve that effortlessly chic look. He selects a tailored suit that accentuates his features, the fabric hugging his frame perfectly. A subtle cologne envelops him as he fastens the buttons, completing the ensemble with confidence. The mirror reflects a version of Harry that exudes undeniable charm, ready to turn heads at the celebrity party.

He just wished Louis could see him like that, sure that he wouldn't be able to resist him looking like that.

Before leaving for the party, he feels the need to talk to Louis once again. 

Harry 

I already miss you so much. 

Going to the party now :(

I'll think about you all evening… 

The answer doesn't take long and makes Harry smile even brighter. 

Soulmate <3

I miss you too. So much it’s hurting. Wish I could be there with you. Can you write to me when you are back home?

Harry

Of course I'll text you then. xxx

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

Harry steps out of his sleek black car, the camera flashes capturing his entrance at the exclusive party.

Despite the flashing cameras and admiring glances, Harry can't shake the discomfort that comes with the attention. Each step feels like a forced march through the sea of onlookers. Inside, he navigates the lavish surroundings with a polite smile, his eyes occasionally betraying a desire for escape. The glitzy facade of the party contrasts with his inner reluctance, making the experience another challenging one for him. 

Asking himself if he'll ever get used to it he walks around, searching for Emma or some other person he already knows. Harry doesn't feel like small talk, he isn't in the mood for meeting new people today.

When he spots Emma she isn't alone but instead talks to Jennifer Lawrence. They both seem to have fun and Harry is about to turn around again when Jennifer spots him and calls out, “Harry Styles. Emma mentioned you might be here tonight and we would meet. You know, meeting me is basically winning the social lottery. Congratulations, you're today's lucky winner!” 

It's such a bad start to a conversation that Harry laughs out loud, already feeling more confident. Coming closer, he grins and replies, "Well, I must be on a winning streak then, because running into you is like finding a rare treasure at the end of the rainbow.”

“Oh I like that one,” Jennifer says in the direction of Emma. “I think we should keep him.”

“He isn't a pet, Jen,” Emma says laughing while hugging Harry as a greeting. 

“Are you sure? He definitely looks like one with those puppy eyes and his adorable curly hair,” Jennifer says, grinning. 

They have so much fun together that Harry almost forgets that he's supposed to get pictures with them, luckily Emma doesn't and makes sure to guide them to a large window where they can be seen perfectly from the outside. 

Knowing there will be lots of new photos tomorrow dampens his mood a little but it doesn't take him long to relax again in the presence of the girls. 

“You're shining today, Harry, what's going on?” Emma asks when Jennifer leaves them alone to get another drink. 

Harry stays with water today, the memory of Friday's debacle still too fresh. 

“I fell in love,” Harry says, blushing and smiling which causes Emma to let out a high pitched sound of excitement. 

“Tell me everything. Who is he and how do you know him? And most importantly, when can I meet him?” 

Harry's heart races with a mix of excitement and uneasiness as he longs to share the secret love that blossomed within him. The weight of the hidden truth creates a bittersweet tension, leaving him torn between the desire to confide in Emma and the necessity to safeguard their secret connection.

“I can't tell you anything,” he finally says, tears glistening in his eyes. “We can't be seen publicly, shit, even rumours aren't acceptable. It's complicated.”

“You don't look happy, Harry,” Emma states, pulling him into a tight embrace. And he's sure she is right. Being asked about Louis showed him exactly how complicated everything is. 

"Oh, I am happy. Whenever we talk or text and especially when he holds me in his arms. It's all so new and I fell in love fast and hard. I should be on cloud nine right now and I am mostly. It's just hard to not even tell my friends and family about it. And it's hard to not be with him all the time. All I want to do is scream out that I found my person, my missing piece, because I am so sure he is just that, but I can't do it. And it hurts, Emma, it hurts so much.” 

Harry knows he's being dramatic. He should be thankful he found his soulmate and that Louis returns his feelings but there's so much on his mind that leaves a bitter aftertaste. 

Forgetting about all of it when his centre of attention is on Louis is easy, but when he's alone the thoughts about never being able to be open about their feelings and the pictures of Louis out with someone else creep in and Harry feels helpless about all of it. 

“Then just tell me what you like about him,” Emma says, smiling. “I don't have to know any details, it's okay that you don't share them, but talking about him will make you happier again.” 

And Emma is right, so right. For the rest of the night he talks about Louis, tells Emma and Jennifer how beautiful and kind hearted he is and that he always encourages Harry to be himself. He always makes sure to not give any clues who his soulmate is.

“I've never felt so understood, so seen. He's all I ever dreamed of and more,” he concludes and the girls look back at him as if they just fell in love with Louis as well. 

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

Back home, Harry's dark thoughts are back again when he takes out his phone to text Louis. 

Harry

I'm home now. 

I missed you so much. 

Sighing, he decides to write another text to tell Louis what bothers him most. He doubts that he can change anything about it but maybe he can give Harry security and hope, something to hold on to when it gets hard for him. 

Harry

You wanted me to be honest with you. 

So here I am. 

I hate that I can't talk about you with my friends and family. 

I hate that I'll never really have you, that you'll always be out of reach for me publicly. 

I hate that we can't be together all the time.

And I hate that I have so many bad thoughts about us when I should just be in love and happy right now. 

But all of this hurts and I feel so helpless about all of it. 

Sorry for being complicated. 

The first answer comes immediately, too quick to actually be a reaction to his last words and Harry is right. 

Soulmate <3

Good to hear darling! Miss you more!

Anxiously, he looks down at his phone, watching Louis type an answer he already knows he doesn't like. 

Soulmate <3

First of all, thank you for being honest. Even if it might hurt.

Because I can feel your anger behind your words, I can literally see the look on your face.

And I'm being honest with you here too, I don't know what you expect from me? What should I do? I'm bound by the contracts, I can't circumvent them.

But I thought our connection and feelings were so strong that we could get through this difficult time together.

Believe me, I hate it as much as you do. It feels like I'm losing you right now. That it's all too high a price to pay that you're no longer willing to pay.

So Harry, be honest one more time:

Do you want to end it? I'd rather know now before I lose myself in you even more.

Reading those words hurt so much, Harry is about to break into pieces. 

Tears stream down Harry's face, mirroring the uncertainty that clouds his heart. In the solitude of his emotions, he grapples with the profound question of whether love alone can overcome the obstacles that stand before them, a poignant vulnerability etched into every tear that falls.

The only thing he knows for sure is that Louis and their connection is worth fighting for. Shit, it's even worth all the pain he's feeling and will feel in the future. 

Harry

I don't want to end it. Never. God, losing you would kill me. 

But I want you to know how I feel. Whenever I'm talking to you it's better and I forget about all of it. It's as if I get lost in you, but when we don't talk I have those thoughts and I can't do anything about them. 

And I know you can't change anything. I know that you're not able to just leave your contracts behind but I still need something. Anything.

I don't know. Hope, I guess. 

Will it ever be possible for me to at least share my happiness with my family? 

Holding his breath Harry once again watches the three dots indicating that Louis is writing something, willing his message to be something that eases his mind. 

Soulmate <3

I'm so relieved right now that I'm crying. Fuck. You're right, this really isn't how you should feel in the first stages of falling in love.

I could talk to my management, tell them we're... well, in love, and ask them to put NDAs on your family and closest friends. Would that help you?

And I'm sorry I wasn't there for you directly and got caught up in my own fears. I'm glad we're talking so openly, communication is so important to me.

And there it is again. Despite the fact that Louis can't do anything, he managed to give Harry something to hold on to, something he really needs to be able to enjoy being in love. 

Harry

You would do that for me? We're not even in a relationship and we only know each other for a short amount of time and you would really talk to your management about it? 

You can't believe how much that means to me. Yes, yes, I want that. 

And I want to know when we'll be able to see each other again because right now I feel the need to kiss you.

Oh and also, I'm lying in bed alone and I hate it. I want you next to me. 

Draped in blankets, Harry creates a makeshift cocoon, clutching a second blanked tightly, his mind weaving an intimate illusion. In the quietude of solitude, he embraces the fabric, pretending it's Louis—seeking comfort and a semblance of the connection he yearns for but can't have at the moment. 

Soulmate <3

Darling, there's nothing I wouldn't do for you. You are my soulmate, whether we use the word relationship or not... what we have, what I feel for you is so much stronger than words can describe anyway. But I think one day I'll try to put it in a song. Okay, I digress...

I'll talk to Pete and let you know as soon as I know more.

I hope I can prove with that to you how much you mean to me.

I'll forward you the email from my management with my schedule for the next few days, check it out and let me know when we can meet. Even if it's only for a few hours, I'll be happy to come and see you. Or you are always welcome here.

I'd love to be with you now too. Hold you in my arms again and watch you sleep. You were so cute. My heart will belong to you forever. I'm getting sentimental again.

PS: And a bit horny. Sorry. But you mentioned the word bed. And my head immediately paints the hottest pictures.

Harry smiles at his phone, feeling the urge to bring their conversation back to something less heavy.

Harry

And you made me believe I'm the horny one here… now only the word bed makes you horny? 

What if I tell you that I'm lying between my sheets completely naked? What would that do to you? 

Writing those words just to tease Louis, he feels how it backfires when arousal takes over him, his cock twitching in excitement and he quickly types out another message. 

Harry

God, now I'm horny too. Sorry for starting something I can't finish. 

I'm beyond tired and I really need to sleep now. In bed. Alone. Naked. ;) 

But honestly. Thank you for being there for me and helping me with my thoughts and insecurities. I'll compare our schedules tomorrow and let you know when we can steal some time for us. 

You're my everything. xxx

Louis' reply or more like multiple replies makes him laugh out loud. It was not what he intended to do but Harry enjoys the situation immensely. 

Soulmate <3

Oh, believe me, you'll get that back! You can't start making me even hotter and then drop me again in the next message!

Sorry I can't write long texts, which is your own fault. I have to take care of my boner!

Bye

Soulmate <3

Okay of course you are my everything too. Sleep tight. And naked. 

I hate you

Soulmate <3

I don’t hate you.

Deciding to tease Louis just a little bit more, Harry types out his last message before turning off his phone immediately. 

Harry

You could never hate me! At least I hope so. 

I'll switch off my phone now. 

Have fun with your boner. 

Next time it will be my hands or mouth taking care of it. Remember, I told you I'm good with my mouth.

Good night <3

Chapter Text

The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too.

- Ernest Hemingway

Dimple Heart 💚

You could never hate me! At least I hope so. 

I'll switch off my phone now. 

Have fun with your boner. 

Next time it will be my hands or mouth taking care of it. Remember, I told you I'm good with my mouth.

Good night <3

Outraged, Louis stares at his phone and can't believe Harry has the nerve to switch his own off now. Oh, he'll pay for that and Louis' fingers literally fly over his display.

Louis

Oh you horrible, horrible man. Yes, go to sleep. But you'll wake up tomorrow to the next words.

My cock is hard and I wrap my hand around it. Slowly I rub it up and down. You wonder who I'm thinking about. Hmm, who knows. Does it make you jealous? I hope so. I'm wearing a smirk on my face, knowing exactly how desperate you'd be if you’d be here, throwing yourself at me right now. Am I right? You would make sure that I only think about one person. But unfortunately you can't make sure of that because you've decided to turn off your phone. Poor you.

My cock feels so good in my hand, hard and long, pre-cum is already gathered on my head. I slowly run my finger over it, licking it and let my tongue dance around my finger. 

It's a shame you're missing out on all this. I wish you a wonderful day. You can think about how to make it up to me. You don't need to contact me before then 😉

And with these words, Louis switches off his phone too, but makes sure that what he has written to Harry continues. His imagination runs wild as does his hand on his throbbing dick.

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

Louis had already called Pete this morning and asked to speak to him in person. And that's why he strides through the building of his management and enters, of course without knocking.

“Louis! How many times do I have to tell you to knock?” Pete exclaims, throwing his hands in the air.

“Save your breath, you should know me by now,” Louis just grins and falls into the chair opposite him.

“You’re a menace,” Pete just grumbles, quickly types something on his laptop and then looks at him expectantly. “Shoot away, what do you want to talk about? If you want to cry about the stunt again you can leave straight away.”

Louis just rolls his eyes and doesn't even bother to hide it. “No, that’s not the point. It’s about me falling in love.”

"Congratulations. And now?” Pete asks, unimpressed.

"It's Harry Styles," Louis states, chewing nervously on his bottom lip. “And it's mutual. We’ve discussed it.”

Pete just looks at him blankly, perhaps with a hint of desperation and disbelief, before letting his head fall on his crossed arms on the desk. And so he remains there.

"Um, Pete... isn't your reaction a bit dramatic?" Louis asks, nervously squirming back and forth in his chair.

Pete finally looks up again and runs his hands over his face. “You’re telling me you’re in love with Harry Styles. Harry Styles as your biggest rival for first place? Newcomer Harry Styles who the stars and starlets love. And he loves them.”

“And me!” Louis waves his hand and points at himself, unable to defend himself against the stupid grin on his face.

“Oh my fucking god. That's a catastrophe. How could that happen? Or no, I don't even want to know. You realise that this shouldn't come out?" Pete asks, suddenly sounding tired.

Louis nods. "Yeah, I know that. And Harry too. He knows he can't say anything. At least as long as the contract with Florence lasts.”

“Even after that. You're just getting started. We can't use any gay rumours even after the stunt. There's no question that we would ruin all the success from now on," Pete says, looking at Louis.

Louis is close to tears. He thought after the stunt he could finally be who he is. Gay. And so in love with Harry.

“But.. My fandom is gay. At least most of them. And I don’t want the rest of the homophonic ones as fans anyway,” Louis argues quietly.

“But we want these fans. We need all fans. Otherwise, all our work wasn't worth it. I’m not going to discuss it anymore,” Pete replies harshly. “Now what did you want to discuss? I don’t have forever.”

Louis swallows and nods. What else could he do? He wanted a bigger audience and career and it's not that he's not happy about it, he's already seeing the success, being number one and the love of his fans means everything to him, but of course it all has a bitter aftertaste. And his heart hurts once again that Harry isn't with him and that he can throw himself into his arms afterwards to cry about the injustices of this world.

“As I said, Harry and I know that we can't love each other in public. But it is important to us that we are allowed to express and show ourselves privately to family and friends. I wanted to ask if you could set up NDA’s for Harry's family and closest friends. Like for mine as well,” Louis finally answers, pleading at his manager with his eyes.

"Okay. That’s no problem,” Pete nods.

“Oh wow, thank you. I thought you were going to discuss it with me and say no,” Louis marvels.

“No, I'm not an inhuman, even if you often portray me that way,” Pete sighs.

Louis doesn't know how to answer that and both men look at each other in silence for a moment. Until Louis brings up something else that's on his mind. “Can I ask you for something else?”

Pete sighs and gestures with his hand for Louis to speak.

He quickly clears his throat. “I… I ask you not to extend the stunt with Florence after the three months. It’s okay with me being straight for the public but I don't want to play her fake boyfriend anymore. And not for anyone else either. It hurts me. It hurts Harry. Please."

Pete remains silent and seems to be thinking, and every second longer only makes Louis more nervous and desperate.

“I have to discuss it with the team and I’ll let you know. Otherwise, I ask you and Harry to continue to be careful that you are perceived as enemies. I want you to tweet today and tell Styles that his response is appropriate to maintain the narrative. Because if we agree to your wish and you soon no longer have any stunt, we will have to make the most of the public dispute to get your album to number one. We are also already planning a tour for you with larger venues. We have to make sure they sell out.”

Louis nods. "Okay. Of course. Harry and I are happy to make the fight between us public if that's what's needed so I don't have to do any more stunts."

"Good. I'll get back to you. And now I have to get back to work,” Pete nods to him, nodding his head towards the door.

Louis stands up, nods to Pete and then quickly disappears from his office. He can't wait to tell Harry about it.

In his car, because he drove himself today, he quickly takes out his phone and hopes to have a message waiting from Harry, but he either doesn't seem to be awake yet or hasn't found a solution to make it up to him. He shakes his head in amusement and decides to send a tweet instead, which Harry can reply to later.

Louis Tomlinson

Being number one feels unreal. Thanks to the best fans in the world. And to Harry Styles, who, with his song whose meaning no one understands, ensures that I keep my place at the top of the charts. Haha.

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

Louis keeps an eye on his phone all the time while he makes himself something to eat at home so as not to miss any messages from Harry. And finally his phone announces the desperately awaited reply. Louis literally throws the knife he was holding away from him so that he has both hands free to read Harry's answer as quickly as possible. It was almost edging as long as it took him.

Dimple Heart 💚

Holy shit, what a message to wake up to. 

I really missed out on something but believe me, my dreams about you weren't innocent as well and I got a lot of inspiration for our next meeting... 

I'm so hard right now and I barely manage to hold back. 

I will wait though until we see each other again. I hope you're ready for me because I  have some plans for us then. And believe me, I will make it up to you more than once... 

Until then, I'll send you a little picture as a promise that you can do whatever you want to do with my body soon…

Louis can hardly believe what he sees. A nude photo of Harry but without revealing too much. A real tease and Louis doesn't know whether this is compensation or punishment. Because how is he supposed to think straight after such a photo until he sees Harry again? He would love to get into the car immediately and drive off, but he still has appointments today and it is simply not possible. His gaze glides over the photo again and again while the promising words of Harry's message repeat in the back of his mind. Naked skin, so delicate it can even be recognised in the photo, which has been edited with a black and white filter. Tattoos that only emphasise the beauty of this muscular and graceful body. Nipples that invite Louis to run his tongue over them and a large hand that covers the place he also wants to spoil with his tongue. Louis is in heaven and his cock in desperate need to see his dimple heart as soon as possible.

Louis

What the fuck?! I have no words for you. You look insanely beautiful, sexy, otherworldly ... and you're mine all alone. I want you right now! And if I could, I'd already be on my way to you. I don't know how I'm supposed to make sure I don't have a hard cock all the time for the rest of the day. Oh darling, what are you doing to me?

Louis

I've spoken to Pete, by the way. The NDA's are no problem and he's taking care of it. I'm so relieved that at least that worked out. That I can be gay and with you in the near future... Unfortunately that's not going to happen. I'm so sorry but I hope that you can talk to friends and family now will help you not to lose hope in us. I feel so strongly for you.

Many kisses!

L.

While he is still trying to divert his thoughts, because he really doesn't have time for a wanking session, the reply to his morning tweet arrives and Louis laughs quietly as he reads it.

Harry Styles. 

Are you afraid to lose against a newcomer, Tomlinson? Sounds like it. 

And it's not my fault you're not smart enough to understand metaphors. Maybe we should meet up? I could give you a lesson...

Louis Tomlinson

I couldn't be less interested in meeting you …

Louis hopes that the management is happy with this and prefers now to devote himself to the new private message from Harry. God, he misses him so much.

Dimple Heart 💚

You better get control over your cock. I've seen your schedule and I don't want anyone else to see your boner! 

I am yours alone and you are mine! Don't forget that.

Dimple Heart 💚

Thank you for doing that for me. I already suspected that more isn't possible. I don't like it but for you I do everything. 

I'm just relieved I don't have to lie to my family and friends. 

It gives me hope. 

I miss you.

Louis

As if I could forget that. I'm all yours, including my boner. Unfortunately, I have to go now and get back to you later.  

Feel kissed and hugged! ♥️

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

Louis and Florence are once again meeting up for dinner in one of the most visited districts of London, their bodyguards inconspicuously walking behind them while fans keep asking them for photos as they walk outside on the street. This time it is already more balanced than last time. Florence and he are addressed equally and both grin at countless cameras until they finally arrive at the restaurant holding hands, where Louis immediately notices how the other guests are secretly taking photos of them.

They both take a seat opposite each other at a table and Louis, ever the perfect fake boyfriend, takes her hand that lies on the table.

“Shall we give the people a kiss? Then at least management can’t complain,” Florence asks with a wink.

“Well, I have to be on good terms with them anyway so that our stunt won’t be extended. Come on, lean more over the table,” Louis agrees and also gets up from his chair and leans over the table to Florence.

Of course, Louis hates that it's not Harry's full lips that he feels on his and he's missing the long curls that tickle him while they do, and yet it's easier for him to play his role. It is what it is. They kiss long enough to be sure that enough secret photos have been taken and fall back into their chairs, smiling fake in love.

“Lou-Lou, you’re getting better and better in the fake kissing. I could almost believe it doesn’t completely disgust you,” Florence smiles.

Louis rolls his eyes in amusement. “Don’t let my soulmate hear that. He would burst with jealousy.”

“Oh, your soulmate? Tell me everything. What’s going on in your life,” Florence grins, tilting her head to the side, looking curious.

But at that moment a waiter comes to their table and they both order something to drink and are handed the menu.

But Louis couldn't care less about what he wants to eat and put the menu aside as soon as the waiter left. Instead, his heart beats wildly at the thought of gushing over Harry. Even if he knows that he is of course not allowed to say his name. Florence also seems to feel the same way because she is already smiling at him and is eagerly waiting to hear what Louis has to say.

“I fell head over heels in love. And he also fell in love with me. We were so close right away and quickly formed a strong bond. Nothing like this has ever happened to me before. We even think alike. He's everything to me Flo. He’s so perfect,” Louis sighs dreamily, grinning to himself. "And he hates that I have a PR relationship with you."

Florence nods understandingly. "I can understand that. I know how hard it is not to be able to show that you are newly in love. I’ve already done it.”

“Are you still together?” Louis asks.

“No, unfortunately not,” she murmurs, looking sadly below her. Louis immediately takes pity and reaches for her hand again, squeezing it gently and giving her a pitying smile when she looks up again.

“I hope you can withstand the pressure,” Florence smiles bravely again.

“He is famous himself and knows that it is difficult. I hope we can do it. I don't know how else I can continue living. It sounds dramatic but... fuck I've never felt that way. I can't lose him. He is really and truly my soulmate,” Louis says.

“Oh, do I know him? And I'm really happy that you found your person. I’m keeping my fingers crossed for you both,” Florence replies.

“I don’t know if you know him. I obviously can't give you a name either. But he’s breathtakingly beautiful,” Louis breathes.

Florence laughs quietly. "Hmm maybe I'll google all the male stars tonight and try to guess who he is."

“You’ll never figure it out,” Louis laughs.

“Well, I can rule one man out. This Harry Styles is more than publicly dissed by you. What do you have against the poor boy? Although I have to say your tweets made me laugh this morning,” Florence giggles.

Louis tries not to make a face and instead just shrugs his shoulders. “He's annoying. His song is confusing and I don’t like him.”

Florence just raises her eyebrows. “Well, I actually think he’s really cute. I think at the next opportunity I’ll talk to him and get to know him.”

"Hands off Flo," Louis growls, making her raise her eyebrows in surprise.

“Excuse me?” she laughs, irritated.

“We hate him okay? You’re my fake girlfriend and you can’t get along well with him,” Louis tries to cover up his brief jealousy. Only then does he realise that he had not yet fully understood what he and Harry are struggling with. People who throw themselves at both while the other has to watch. At that moment, Louis begins to hate everything. Except his Harry.

“Okay chill Louis. If I meet him I'll talk to him away from cameras, don't worry," Florence frowns.

And fuck, that wasn't what he was trying to achieve.

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

Louis sits huddled on his bed, the bedroom lit only by the small lamp on his bedside table. He feels so lost. His hands wrap around his knees just as they did when Harry left. And that's exactly how he feels again. Louis doesn't know what's going on, the conversation with Florence has triggered something in him and he's been sitting there crying ever since he got home, trying to calm down but not succeeding. He wants to call Harry his boyfriend. He doesn't just want to talk about his soulmate. Fuck, he'd even like to marry Harry, that's how sure he is. Again his past comes up just when he thinks of the word boyfriend and he feels so childish to make such a thing out of it. It's just a word, a label, and yes it hurt him in his youth but that's what he wants with Harry. So why is it so difficult to ask Harry? For a moment he even thinks about cutting himself like he used to, knowing that it would help him to breathe more easily again and he would finally be wonderfully numb, knowing that the physical pain would drown out the inner pain. But Louis doesn't want to fall back into his old patterns. Even if it is damn hard at this moment.

He needs Harry. Right now. But he doesn't want to call him, he knows his voice would only make his longing for him worse. And so he writes a far too long message that makes no sense at all. Neither do his thoughts.

Louis

I don't know what's going on right now but ... I'm spiralling. I realise once again how deep my feelings for you go, how good it feels to talk about you, even if I'm not allowed to mention your name. Because that's what I did today. I told Flo about you ... and I'm scared. The feelings for you scare me. I don't know anything like this. What if I ever lose you when you've had enough of playing hide and seek? What if the management extends the contract with Flo? What if your feelings for me aren't enough? I'm panicking, I'm sitting here and can hardly catch my breath. What's more, my past is catching up with me. I... Harry, I hurt myself back then. It all started with a boy I had feelings for and I became a victim of bullying again because of it. I'm just scared that... I don't even know what I'm scared of. I'm afraid to even use the word boyfriend. That's what started it all back then. I didn't even use the word for all my old relationships anymore. They were just my 'partners'. Oh God. What am I trying to tell you? Please help me to get out of my own head. And... When will we meet again? I need you. Harry, I think I'm losing my mind!

Crying, he looks at the three dots that show Harry is already answering him and he hopes it will help him calm down. He just wants to be held or for someone to switch off his thoughts. It takes longer until he finally gets Harry's answer, which is just as long as his first message. 

Dimple Heart 💚

Oh baby. I hate that I can't be there for you right now, that I can't just take you in my arms and hold you close, because that's what I want to do. I want to take care of you, to show you that I'll always be there for you. I want to show you how deep my feelings are and that I will always want you.

There will be many things threatening this... thing... between us but our feelings are beyond everything we can even imagine. I am sure we can make it through everything even if we have to suffer from time to time and fight for it. We are worth fighting for and if you ask me it'll be us in the end. You and me. 

And your past, God, I'm so sorry that happened to you. I wish I could go back in time, reach out for you and help you, but I can't. I can just thank you for trusting me with it and promise you that I'll take care of you. If you don't want us to be boyfriends, fine. We find a different term for it. I already call you my soulmate anyway. 

Please take deep breaths and imagine me hugging you until you feel better.

Louis whimpers through his tears as he reads this loving text and yet it does not have the desired effect as he hoped. Louis is far too deep in his head and is overwhelmed by feelings that he has not yet experienced in this strength. Everything in connection with Harry is so much stronger and apparently also when he panics.

Louis

Thank you, my dimple heart. You don't know how much your words mean to me. I'm sitting here and I can't calm down, it scares me that I feel like I don't know how to stop it. I hate this stunt, I hate not being with you in public, I hate how my past keeps coming up and even though I had myself so well under control. I hate not kissing you. I hate that instead of lovely words for you I burden you with my condition I’m in. I am sorry. 

Maybe it would be better for you if we had never met. I'm holding you back from publicly loving who you want and you're suffering because of me. In fact, I hate myself so much right now. How could I have been so stupid as to sign this contract?

I won't write to you again tonight. I want to numb the pain. I just don't know in which way yet. Once again. I'm sorry. You deserve better.

And with that, Louis switches off his phone and throws it carelessly onto the bed next to him. He slowly gets up from the bed, wipes his tears away again and again and sniffles as his sobs rack his body.

Without thinking, he stumbles into the bathroom and stands in front of the cabinet, opening it. His hand trembles as he pulls the door open and reaches for the fresh pack of razor blades. Just once. Just once and then never again.

He just needs to calm down. Needs to find his way back to himself. Wants to be perfect for Harry from now on. He knows Harry’s worried about him and he must be anxious. Nothing can be saved for today anyway, but in the future he wants to be the best version of himself for Harry. Because Louis can't stay away from him. He loves Harry. 

And as he already wrote to him, he deserves better.

That's why he wants to be weak for once. 

One last time.

Chapter Text

The norms were created by somebody, and each of us is somebody. We can make our own normal. -

Glennon Doyle

Soulmate <3

Thank you, my dimple heart. You don't know how much your words mean to me. I'm sitting here and I can't calm down, it scares me that I feel like I don't know how to stop it. I hate this stunt, I hate not being with you in public, I hate how my past keeps coming up and even though I had myself so well under control. I hate not kissing you. I hate that instead of lovely words for you I burden you with my condition I’m in. I am sorry. 

Maybe it would be better for you if we had never met. I'm holding you back from publicly loving who you want and you're suffering because of me. In fact, I hate myself so much right now. How could I have been so stupid as to sign this contract?

I won't write to you again tonight. I want to numb the pain. I just don't know in which way yet. Once again. I'm sorry. You deserve better.

Harry's hands shake violently as he clutches his phone, eyes scanning each word in Louis' message with a rising sense of dread. The atmosphere in the car thickens, and an icy shiver runs down his spine, leaving him on the edge of a paralysing fear. His mind races, grappling with the weight of Louis' distress, and an overwhelming coldness settles over him, as if the room itself has turned frigid in response to the gravity of the situation. The shock is palpable, and every heartbeat seems to echo the urgency of the situation, forcing Harry to act swiftly.

He can't believe what he reads there, he thought Louis was fine. After all Harry leaned on him when he struggled with everything. Maybe that was too much? Maybe Harry pushed him to his limits, his breaking point. What if it's his fault that Louis hurts so much right now. 

“Christopher, can you drive faster please?” Harry asks, not recognising his own voice. 

Christopher doesn't answer but looks back at him worriedly before speeding up without arguing. 

Sitting in the car with a bouquet of flowers and a bottle of wine, he imagined their night entirely different. When Harry planned everything, trying to make space for them in his schedule he thought this evening would become a huge surprise, where Louis falls into his arms and they talk and laugh and finally have the promised sex. 

Now he feels sick and just hopes that Louis opens the door for him when he arrives in just a few minutes. Just a couple of minutes and he'll be there to help Louis. Harry doesn't even know how to help him if he's honest to himself. What can you do if the person you fell in love with breaks into pieces in front of your eyes? 

Harry's trembling fingers fumble with his phone as he dials Louis' number, desperation tightening his chest. Each unanswered ring feels like an eternity, until the call is diverted to voicemail. The next call goes straight to voicemail.

A lump forms in Harry's throat, and the room spins as he battles the overwhelming fear that grips him, realising he might be running out of time to help him. 

Tears build in his eyes, caused by fear. What is Louis doing right now? Did he already hurt himself? Is Harry too late? Or did Harry misinterpret the situation and it's not that dramatic after all? Maybe he just needed time alone, but the part in his message about numbing the pain doesn't add up to this theory so it helps nothing to calm his nerves. 

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

When he finally stands in front of his house, Harry's frantic knocks echo through the walls of Louis' house, each rap carrying an urgency that conveys a sense of desperation and panic in the present moment.

It feels like hours to Harry and there's no reaction, no sign that someone moves in there, but he knows Louis is in that house, he just doesn't know the state he is in. 

Rounding the house in search for an open window or backdoor, Harry feels panic taking over his whole body. 

He almost breaks a window when he sees Louis moving inside. At least he thinks it's Louis, all he can see is a swaying shadow. 

He knocks and screams, trying to get his attention and after a while it seems to work, the shadow coming closer to the window. 

“Harry?” Louis says when he opens the window and shit, he reeks like a liquor store. 

“You bought me flowers?” He adds and a second later sinks to the ground, sobbing. 

Cursing, Harry climbs up to get inside, to be close to Louis and to care for him. 

As soon as he's inside Harry lets himself fall to the ground next to Louis.

Seated cross-legged on the floor, Harry watches as Louis, consumed by overwhelming emotions and the haze of alcohol, nearly crawls into him. The room pulsates with intensity, and Harry becomes a sturdy anchor as Louis clings to him, desperately seeking comfort. Their shared vulnerability creates a poignant tableau, a moment suspended in time where emotions collide and intertwine.

Harry gently tightens his embrace, offering a soothing presence. With a calm voice, he encourages Louis to sit back, attempting to ease the intense emotions. Harry's touch is reassuring as he softly talks to Louis, coaxing him to a more grounded state where they can engage in a meaningful conversation. 

The atmosphere shifts from tumultuous to one of understanding, creating a space for them to connect amidst the emotional storm.

When Louis' sobbs ebb out and his breaths come in a steady rhythm Harry builds up the courage to ask the question which answer he's dreading. 

“Did you hurt yourself?” His voice cracks in the middle and he could slap himself for not being stable enough to be the person Louis needs right now. 

Looking into Harry's eyes, Louis shakes his head, mumbling, “Only alcohol.” 

Relief washes over Harry as he learns that Louis, despite being deeply affected by alcohol, hasn't inflicted any other harm upon himself. A weight lifts from Harry's shoulders, and a grateful warmth fills him. The concern in his eyes transforms into reassurance, grateful for the knowledge that, in that vulnerable moment, Louis found solace in alcohol rather than resorting to self-harm. 

The air becomes lighter, and Harry can now focus on supporting Louis through the emotional aftermath.

“Thank God, babe. How are you feeling now?” He asks, already knowing that Louis is far from being good. 

Shrugging Louis answers, “I don't know. I'm feeling sick, and sad, and ashamed and so so sorry. I'm so sorry.” 

He starts to cry again and this time, Harry picks him up and carries him to his bedroom, putting him down carefully.

On the bed, Harry lies down next to Louis, who succumbs to another wave of tears. Seeking comfort, Louis instinctively turns towards Harry, who envelops him in a supportive cocoon. 

In the subdued light of the room, the atmosphere becomes an intimate sanctuary. As Louis' sobs echo, Harry once again whispers consoling words, creating a space where emotions can flow freely. 

The bed transforms into a refuge, and the protective embrace weaves a sense of security around Louis, offering solace in the midst of emotional turmoil.

Lying there Harry tries to focus on Louis and his emotions, but it's hard not to think about the reason for his breakdown. Which is their relationship. Being with Harry made him so upset, Louis almost had a relapse and hurt himself. It's all Harry's fault and he isn't sure how to solve this problem. 

He won't say anything, not right now. This is not about him, it's about Louis and his emotions. 

This time, Louis falls asleep in his arms and Harry lies there for a while, stroking his back, before he slowly stands up to go to the toilet. 

Entering Louis' bathroom, Harry is struck by shock at the sight of a razor blade and a bottle of vodka on the floor. 

Although there's no visible blood on the blade, there shouldn't be if Louis was honest with him, a wave of concern and pain washes over Harry. 

The gravity of the situation pierces through him, and a deep sense of hurt settles in as he grapples with the realisation of the extent of Louis' emotional struggle. It must have been a close call tonight, a fight Louis almost lost. 

In that poignant moment, Harry is confronted with the fragility of his soulmate's well-being, and a profound ache lingers in his heart.

After using the loo, Harry picks up the remains of Louis' breakdown, emptying the rest of the bottle in the sink and taking the blade to the kitchen to throw it away. 

Sighing, he lets himself fall down on a stool at the kitchen counter, rubbing his face and trying to calm down. Harry feels overwhelmed by the situation and he doesn't know what to do. 

His first instinct is to talk to Louis and end the thing between them, to eliminate the toxic feeling that pushed Louis over his breaking point, since Louis was doing alright before Harry stepped into his life. 

Sensing that this would make everything worse at first, he takes out his phone and types ‘How to help someone who hurts himself’ into Google search. 

There are numerous articles about self-harm and how to help and most of them just refer to professional help, which surely is great advice but won't help Harry to handle the situation when Louis wakes up and is sober enough to realise what happened. 

One website gets his interest and Harry clicks on the link and focuses on their advice. 

Finding out that someone you care about self-harms

Whether someone tells you directly, or you suspect that someone is hurting themselves, it can be difficult to know what to say and how best to approach the situation.

You might feel shocked, angry, helpless, responsible or any number of other difficult emotions.

Yes, Harry feels all of this, especially helpless. Maybe this side can actually help him navigate through this mess. 

Try not to panic or overreact. The way you respond to your friend or family member will have an impact on how much they open up to you and other people about their self-harm in the future.

Oh God, did he already ruin everything by panicking? Did Louis feel his panic? Harry really doesn't know and tries desperately to imagine himself in Louis' shoes when he knocked at the window and even climbed in there just to get to him. Was it an overreaction? 

Remember that self-harm is usually someone's way of managing very hard feelings or experiences, and that in the majority of cases it is different to suicidal feelings.

What helps?

There are lots of things you can do to make a difference to someone you know who self-harms. Your attitude and how you relate to them is one of the key things that can help them feel supported. Here are some things to keep in mind:

Try to be non-judgemental.

Harry doesn't know if his reaction came across judgmentally. Hopefully not. 

Let the person know that you are there for them.

He tried to do just that and he will repeat it over and over again if he must, until Louis gets it into his head. 

Relate to them as a whole person, not just their self-harm.

Shouldn't be a problem. Harry knows it's complex and always sees Louis as so much more than his problems. This almost-relapse shouldn't change that. 

Try to have empathy and understanding about what they are doing.

That's a hard one. Harry went through many tough times himself and never did something like that. He can't understand how someone could hurt themselves like that, but for Louis he will try to understand. 

Let them be in control of their decisions.

So his feeling was right: It's not smart to just end it to eliminate the reason. If that's the best way to prevent anything even worse from happening, Louis has to make that decision. 

Offer to help them find support (see useful contacts).

He can do that but somehow he has a feeling that Louis isn't open to start a therapy even if it would be useful. 

Remind them of their positive qualities and things they do well.

That's no problem, since he sees Louis as a wonderful person and already tells him what he likes about him every day. But he’ll make sure to emphasise it during their conversation.

Try to have honest communication, where you take responsibility for any fears you have.

Communication usually is the thing they're good at. More so while texting but Harry is sure they can talk just as open in person. 

He reads the information twice, trying to make a plan how to navigate them through it but coming up empty. He's sure those pieces of advice are helpful but he has no idea how to apply it to their situation. 

Picking up his phone he decides to buy them time first. He doesn't know how long Louis will be asleep and even if he wakes up on time he certainly can't do the radio show in the morning. Instead, they should use that time to figure something out. 

He doesn't have a private number of Louis' management, so he calls Sandra, the most patient one of his own team, to ask for help. 

“Styles, it's the middle of the night. I was about to go to sleep,” she greets him and Harry instantly feels like a naughty child. 

“I'm sorry Sandra. Really. But I need your help. It's about Louis Tomlinson and -” 

“I won't help with your rivalry, Harry. It works. For him better than for you I think because you are known to be a kind hearted person and it doesn't fit the narrative, but it still works because everyone talks about it,” Sandra interrupts annoyance clearly audible. 

“Actually, it's not about that. Not at all. We're, erm, kind of together I'd say and tonight we have a problem. To solve it, we both need tomorrow off. At least until the afternoon. Can you maybe help me clear my schedule and contact his manager Pete to sort out his?” 

Harry didn't plan on telling the news like that but he doesn't really have a different opportunity right now.

“Are you aware that I am not your babysitter? I won't help you skipping your appointments just because you had a fight with a boyfriend you shouldn't even have in the first place,” she answers without hesitation. 

“Please, Sandra,” Harry begs. “I wouldn't have called if it wasn't important. It's an emergency. Something happened, something I can't talk about with you, but it's serious. Please. Just this once.”

When she finally agrees Harry could kiss her. 

“Fine. I'll send you a message when it's done but you owe me something,” she says before hanging up on him. 

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

When Louis waddles into the kitchen the next morning Harry stands behind the kitchen aisle, preparing breakfast for them. 

It's almost done when he hears a quiet voice next to him. 

“Morning,” Louis says, looking at him insecure and fiddling with his hands. 

Harry gazes at Louis, who bears the aftermath of a night marked by drinking and tears. Louis' usually vibrant eyes are dulled, and the weight of the emotional turmoil is etched on his face. Dishevelled hair and weariness paint a picture of a restless night. 

Harry senses the lingering vulnerability as he observes him, a silent witness to the visible toll of the emotional storm that raged within. The lines of fatigue tell a story, and Harry's concern deepens as he contemplates the impact of the night on Louis' well-being.

Don't overreact and see him as a whole person , Harry reminds himself and attempts a weak smile. 

“Good morning babe, how are you feeling today?”

Louis just shrugs and avoids his gaze. The silence drives Harry crazy but he decides to not pressure Louis and just wait for him to be ready for a conversation. 

Just when he finishes preparing their breakfast he hears Louis' voice again. 

“What are you doing here?”

It's not what Harry was hoping for but he takes what he gets. 

“Initially I wanted to surprise you. I had the night and the morning off and drove here to stay the night and leave again when you’re at your first appointment,” Harry answers, hoping his honesty won't be misinterpreted as an accusation.

“Fuck, Harry, that's so thoughtful. I'm so sorry for being such a mess and ruining your surprise,” Louis answers and once again there are tears in his eyes. 

Reaching out Harry pulls Louis into a hug whispering, “Don't be. I'm so proud of you for fighting against the urge to hurt yourself. And I'm glad I already was so close. All I want is to be there for you.”

Louis holds him so tight it almost hurts but Harry doesn't complain about it. 

“Let's eat breakfast,” he mumbles and when Louis argues that he doesn't have time for that, Harry explains to him what he's done. 

“I'm sorry I didn't ask you beforehand but I thought you needed to rest and I really didn't know what's the best thing to do now and I kind of freaked out and I read a lot and one advice was to not overreact and now I feel like that's exactly what I'm doing and I'm sorry that I'm not what you need. I don't know what's best for you and how to handle it.” Harry knows he sounds panicked, talking way too fast but when he remembered that Louis is supposed to make his own decisions it suddenly felt wrong that he cleared his schedule for him. 

Instead of answering Louis looks up at him, his eyes wide and a loving smile on his face, and leans in to press a tender kiss to Harry's lips. 

Harry kisses him back, of course he does, but he's sure that this is not what they're supposed to do. When Louis opens his mouth and tries to deepen the kiss Harry gently cups his face and stops what they're doing. 

“Please don't think I don't want to kiss you, because I really want to be close to you. I really want that. But I think we should talk first and find a way to handle all of this better.” 

“But you're here, I'm fine now,” Louis argues weakly and Harry sees the lie on his face. 

“No, babe. We're like two fires crashing together. When we're apart we burn ourselves down, both of us really, you know I struggle with this situation too. And when we're together we're creating that huge flame and our feelings are out of control but we don't even notice because we just burn together and it feels right. We can't go on like that. It's self-destructive,” Harry explains, struggling to find the right words but hoping that Louis gets what he's trying to say. 

It seems to be wrong because Louis' eyes are filled with tears again. 

“Do you want to end this?” He asks, his voice shaking. 

“Of course not, no. You know how I feel about you, at least I hope so. You're the most wonderful person I know, you're my soulmate, but we're also very alike sometimes and our thoughts and own problems aren't helpful. I think we need to figure out how we want this to go and how to navigate through hard times,” Harry replies almost desperately, willing Louis to open up to it. 

“Okay,” Louis says. “Let's eat and then talk about it. You're probably right. Do you think we can make it?” 

“Of course, Lou. We're soulmates after all,” he answers, trying to sound hopeful to reassure Louis. 

While eating they avoid hard topics and instead just talk about their music and upcoming albums. They plan to show each other their music before it comes out and that's the moment when Harry confesses that he wrote a new song about Louis and already argued with his team to record it and put it on the album at the last minute. 

“They want to listen to Sweet Creature first before they decide anything but I'm pretty confident about it. I love this song,” Harry explains, blushing.

“No matter if it's gonna be on your album or not, I demand to hear it and get a record of it because no one has ever done something so sweet and personal for me,” Louis says, looking deep into his eyes causing Harry to feel their connection deep in his bones again. 

“Thank you, dimple heart. For everything.” 

They finish breakfast and clean up together or more like Harry cleans up because Louis just sits on a stool and watches him doing the dishes. It's okay though. Harry likes being the centre of Louis' attention. 

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

“What do you need to feel better?” Harry asks when everything is finished and they sit down at the couch together, looking at each other. 

“I don't know, Harry. I'm sorry. It's just, I can't believe that you really want this. I miss you all the time when you're not there. Besides I fear that it's not enough what I can give you,” Louis says, obviously nervous about all of it. 

“Okay first of all: I'll take what I can get. You're so special to me and even if we can't date publicly it's enough. Just having you is enough. Do you believe me?” 

Louis becomes even more nervous and can't sit still anymore. 

“I don't know. Honestly. Sorry, but I'm just really insecure about all of this. I mean, what even are we?” 

“Do you want a label?” Harry asks, insecure about it. Louis told him about his complicated past and that he usually doesn't label someone as his boyfriend. But maybe he needs it, even if he doesn't know it himself. 

“I don't know, Harry. I told you that I don't know what to do about it. It feels like we can't do anything. I feel like I have no control over my own life. I can't breathe,” Louis whispers so quietly, Harry barely understands him.

He sighs and desperately tries to find the right words. 

“Our thing might not be normal and you're right, there are parts we can't control, parts which we have no power over. But we still have power to some extent. We just have to find out what works for us and how we can implement it. Let's just make our own rules. And I think we should start with labelling what this is,” he states, watching Louis' reaction closely. 

“Yeah, maybe you're right. Our own rules sound good,” Louis agrees but still seems to be so unsure, almost childlike. 

“Okay. What do you want to call us?” Harry asks, always in mind that Louis is supposed to make his own decisions. 

But he just shrugs and looks down at his hands, obviously not able to say what he thinks about. 

Sighing, he decides to just say what he suspects is on Louis' mind. It could end badly because he told Harry that he never calls anyone that but maybe he feels different about Harry. 

“Do you want to be my boyfriend?” Harry asks, holding his breath until he gets an answer. 

“Do you really want that? To be in a relationship with me? To be my boyfriend?” 

It's so frustrating how insecure Louis is about all of this. Usually Harry is the one who needs someone to guide him in the right direction.

“Yes, Louis. I really want that. I would love that really.”

Harry sees the exact moment when something changes in Louis, when relief floods him. He begins to smile brightly, his eyes shining. Finally he has his Louis back. 

“Okay, yes, I want that. Boyfriend. Fuck, it sounds so unfamiliar, but nice. I think we should meet our friends and families, everyone with an NDA to make it official,” Louis answers. 

“And to feel like a real couple,” Harry adds, grinning, to which Louis nods enthusiastically. 

“Okay. And I thought about moving my base to London. Not to live with you, even I know it would be too soon, but just to be closer to you so that we can compare our schedules every week to find opportunities to meet. Because as much as I like our writing, I really want you close to me more often. Also, a lot of my appointments are in London anyway and this way I don't have to travel that much,” Harry says, his heart beating like he's running a marathon. He's nervous how Louis will react to that, fearing again that he could be too much and rush things. Of course, Louis is the main reason but he didn't lie: His schedule will be less hectic when he moves to London. 

Louis nods, thinks about it and after a few seconds he smiles at him. 

“I want to see you more often, so yes, I'd like that. But please don't do it just because of me. If you love Manchester you should stay there but if you really want to move to London you should search for something in my neighbourhood.” 

It's Louis' way of agreeing and telling him that he wants it without pressuring him, Harry realises and smiles back at him. 

“Perfect. Something else that might help you?” Harry asks, thinking that maybe just that could already be enough. That and time.

It won't help with his jealousy though, Harry knows that, but he thinks there's nothing other that can help than a lot of patience. Maybe his red-eyed beast will shut up when they're together for a while and he trusts Louis more. 

“Actually, yes. Do you know about long distance bracelets?” Louis says, taking out his phone and typing on it enthusiastically. 

“No. What are you talking about?” 

“Here, let me show you,” Louis says, showing him a picture of two simple but beautiful bracelets, one with the sun and one with the moon on it. “It's like two connected bracelets which vibrate if you want to send a signal to show that you're thinking about the person who wears the second one.” 

Louis obviously already put thoughts into it and really wants to do this and Harry himself thinks it's worth a shot. Maybe it will actually help and give them something to hold on to when they can't be together, which will still be a lot even if they're both based in London. 

“Let's try that. Can you order them for us?” Harry asks, seeing that Louis already puts them into his basket. 

When he types in the information Harry stops, irritated. 

“Why do you order them to Luke? Isn't Luke your hot friend?” Harry asks, knowing that his jealousy is once again misplaced, but he can't help himself. 

“He's the friend you've seen in the picture, if that's what you mean. And I always order in his name and to his address just in case the delivery person is a fan,” Louis says while he continues to fill everything in. 

“But, I mean, to get our bracelets you have to meet him, right?” 

He tries really hard to not make it too obvious but just one look at Louis' smug grin tells him he's failing miserably. 

“Yes. But he's my friend, I see him all the time,” Louis answers and when he sees Harry's grimace he adds, “Maybe you could come with me when the bracelets are there. Just to see that he is absolutely no threat and that you are way hotter than him.”

Harry is about to apologise and tell Louis that he'll work on it, when Louis leans in and makes him stop by pressing their lips together. 

“You're so hot when you're jealous,” Louis mumbles when they part again. “No more talking today. We can do that another time. Now I finally want to worship your body and show you how crazy I am for you. Just for you only.”

Chapter Text

I got lost in him, 
and it was the kind
of lost that's exactly like
being found.

-Claire LaZebnik

“Are you trying to distract me from hot Luke with sex?” Harry asks indignantly, looking adorable with his little nose scrunch and his forehead furrowed.

Louis rolls his eyes in amusement. "No, I want to show you how much I feel for you... that your pretty curly head will never have to worry about Luke or another man again."

"But—-" Harry wants to argue.

"Nothing but. If you say one more word about him, I'll make sure that that pretty mouth," Louis pulls Harry's lower lip down and holds him in a fiery gaze before letting his lip pop back up, "can't say anything more for the next while.”

Harry swallows audibly and nods, moving closer to him, practically crawling into his lap and wrapping his arms around his shoulders, locking his hands behind his neck. Louis pushes his groin towards him and lets his own hands wander down Harry's back, coming to a stop at his butt and gently squeezing his ass cheeks, wanting to take the lead, to make his dimple heart feel good. 

But then Harry leans in, his breath hot in his ear as he whispers. “Or I’ll show you how much you’re my idiot. Make you mine.”

Harry then looks up to Louis, has heard his gasp. They look deep into their eyes, their faces only a few centimetres apart, breathing together for the longest moment, staring at each other. There is a fatal attraction about the man that holds Louis in place with only his eyes.

A small nod from Louis is all Harry needs to pounce on him in a passionate kiss the next moment. Louis' eyes close as they blend into one, with the kiss deepening into something raw and passionate.

Harry’s hands find space on his cheeks, ensuring that Louis doesn’t have a single chance to really take a breath. As if he needed that - Harry's body rubbing against him and his tongue forcing entry between his lips is all Louis needs.

Kissing Harry is like magic. Like being enchanted over and over again. When his fingers dance across his skin under Louis' shirt, almost tickling how soft Harry's touch is, he wants nothing more than to pull Harry in even closer, makes Louis' crave him, makes him want Harry in all the ways imaginable. And to be wanted in return. With his kiss, all consuming, he puts Louis in a trance as if the space between their bodies no longer exists.

“Need you. Want more,” Louis pants against his lips and reaches into Harry’s long curls, pulling his head back ever so slightly to make room for himself. Kissing from his pink lips down his chin and further along his neck until he feels Harry's body shudder as he begins to suck on the skin over his pulse point.

"Upstairs," Harry whispers as the only answer and gets up from Louis, takes his hand and immediately pulls him quickly behind him. They manage to take exactly the last step but then Harry is all over him again.

Suddenly Louis is shoved hard against the wall of the upstairs hallway. One hand instantly slides beneath Louis' shirt to pinch at his peaked nipples, the other fondles his dick over his pants, now literally an aching hardness and Louis moans unashamedly. At this point it feels as if he had been hard for hours. He just needs Harry, his boyfriend, his soulmate, his lover.

Louis is almost manhandled from the hallway into the bathroom and if that isn't the hottest thing he has experienced in a long time.

And Harry doesn't seem to want to waste any time. He hastily tears off his own clothes without ever taking his eyes off Louis' burning gaze, who can only stand there to stare, barely manages to take off his own shirt and has to use all his willpower not to stand in front of this magnificent man and bare skin to sink to the ground and worship him.

"You... You're perfect, Lou," Harry whispers as he steps closer to him again, running his fingertips slowly and tenderly along his collarbone and then down both of his arms. This touch alone is enough to make every hair on his body stand, his body covered in goosebumps.

Louis lets his own hand run over the muscular skin, not yet fully realising that he really has Harry standing naked in front of him. This beautiful man who took his heart by storm without Louis even having a chance to defend himself against it. He belongs to Harry skin and hair, body and soul.

Both meet again in a kiss. This time slower and more tenderly as their hands find their way over each other's bare skin, exploring and Louis at least never wants to do anything else. He could be trapped in this moment between them forever and be happy.

But Harry suddenly turns away and Louis stands erect and confused as Harry turns on the shower. The predatory look is back in the dark green eyes as his boyfriend turns back to him.

"You're too excited, baby. Want to take the edge off. Strip!"

Louis blinks at the order and is surprised to find himself obeying. He eases the shirt over his head and begins to undo his pants, running his own gaze back over Harry's body and can't help but lick his lips when he sees the big, beautiful erect cock.

"Wait, Lou. Turn around and lower them to the floor slowly," Harry commands in a husky voice. "I want to see what you have to offer me."

Trembling, barely able to make his body obey, Louis turns and eases the pants down his legs. He never felt more exposed, never gave up the lead before, as he bends down but even that seems to add to the thick blend of lust and arousal.

"So pretty. Turn around to face me," Harry breathes.

Louis can't help himself from giving a whine of need as he gazes at the equally naked man in front of him. Harry is just as impressive as Louis had guessed he would be and he aches to have the long, thick cock buried inside him. And so he doesn't resist as he is forced into the shower. Large, tender hands caresses his body, teasing his nipples and then his balls as lips and teeth nip at his neck and shoulders. Without a touch to his straining dick he erupts as teeth bite his throat and fingers tug a throbbing bud. Louis moans and saggs against the broad chest of Harry, licks over his swallow tattoos. Because yeah, he just came from that and Harry literally took the edge off. Louis can hardly believe that only these few touches were necessary, nothing like this has ever happened to him before. And once again he realises how extreme everything is with Harry, no rules that applied before still apply to him.

He feels the water stop cascading over him and he is pushed against the shower wall. One of Harry's hands splayed across his chest, pinning him in place. Dark lustful eyes capture his glazed blue orbs as Harry works his own shaft quickly and efficiently. Louis moans as hot come splashes over his stomach and softened cock. Part of him thinks he should object to being marked so primitively, but most of him is carried away by the sheer eroticism as Harry rubs his cum literally into Louis' skin.

"I want you to smell of me when we go to bed," Harry husks.

“Fuck you’re so possessive dimple heart,” Louis marvels, his mouth hanging slightly open as Harry takes possession of him in another wild kiss. He gently pushes him out of the shower, holding Louis tightly without ever removing his mouth from his lips.

Only when Louis blindly reaches for towels on his shelf and puts one around Harry's shoulders does he let go of him.

They dry themselves, Louis avoids the area marked by Harry, earning himself a lust-laden smile. He is forced into the bedroom, Harry once again all over him.

“Wait a moment,” Harry says, giving him a quick kiss and a stroke over his dick before pulling away and disappearing.

Frowning, Louis listens to the receding footsteps across the hallway and down the stairs and wonders what he's up to.

But just a short time later he comes back with the bottle of wine he brought with him last night, as well as two glasses. Smiling, he sinks onto the bed next to Louis, hands him a glass and pours some wine into it, just like in his.

"Let's toast," Harry smiles, looking deep into his eyes before they gently clink their glasses together. “You’re everything.”

“You are everything for me too, dimple heart,” Louis replies in a thick voice and strokes his cheek before taking a sip. Louis has to admit the wine is very delicious and so does not object as his glass has yet more poured into it before Harry sits more closer to him. Louis takes another sip and sets down the glass on the bedside table as does Harry.

He moans as Harry moves in for the next kiss, lingers over Louis' eager lips, the kiss initially close-mouthed and gentle. A tongue traces the shape of Louis' mouth, varying pressure to keep him tingling and just off balance. Harry presses down firmly only to pull away again, to just barely brushing his lips against Louis, tantalising with flirting, fleeting little touches.

Louis feels himself slowly pressed back against the mattress. One of his legs is hitched over Harry's muscled thighs, opening him to more intimate touches as the kiss continues. A skilful hand cups his balls and squeezes them as his tongue darts out and flicks delicately along Louis' still closed lips. Acting more on instinct than intellectual thought, Louis' mouth opens and Harry's tongue thrust inside. There it instantly begins its ravishment, mapping every nuance. Louis is limp and breathless as they finally separate. He sighs as hot lips begin to nurse a sensitive nipple while a finger brushes over his entrance.

A loud whine of need escapes Louis' kiss-swollen lips. He writes, tries to entice Harry into pushing the finger deeper inside him. “No, pretty baby,” the aroused voice is a dark husk in Louis’ ear. "I will not take you dry. You will remember our first sex for the pleasure I will give you."

Gripping Louis' hips, Harry guides him into a more comfortable position along the bed, pushing him unresisting into the mattress. Harry gives a feral flash of white teeth and, spreading Louis' legs wide, kneels between them as if he was born to be there. He probably is born to be Louis' soulmate. Wide eyed and whimpering, Louis can only watch with anticipation as Harry leans down and licks a stripe from his balls to the crown of his dick, tasting the leaking pre-cum. 

"Oh, shit yeah," Louis moans. “Love your mouth darling.”

Part of him knows that he is being too easy. Louis still wonders how he can take the receiving part so easily. However, the wine had given him a slightly pleasant buzz and his arousal is already spiralling uncontrollably.

"So responsive, baby," Harry murmurs.

A cry spills from Louis' lip as Harry wraps his hand around Louis' dick and begins to stroke. More moans fall from his parted lips when Harry blows over his tip. He forces himself to watch as full lips surround the sensitive head of his shaft. Louis writhes as Harry suckles with abandon and then releases the head to run his tongue up and down the hard length. Lost in lust, Louis tosses his head back and forth, completely caught in the sensations as Harry begins to lick the underside and then moves lower again to tease his balls with the tip of his tongue. Louis needs more, so much more, but he can't string a coherent sentence so he simply spreads his legs again in wonton abandon, prays that Harry will understand.

He whines needily as Harry grins at the sight of him.

“Look at you baby. So needy and pretty all for me alone. Hair damp and in disarray on your pillow, soft skin flushed with arousal and need, legs spread as wide as you can, offering everything to me. Only me,” Harry murmurs, lets his hand travel over Louis’ upper body and leans over him to let his tongue lick over his belly.

"Please," Louis begs.

In a wordless reply to Louis' plea, Harry takes Louis' cock into his mouth. Louis moans as Harry draws him deeper into his throat, sucking hard while strong hands hold him down so Louis begins to thrash and buck, going wild with need. After a few moments he groans desperately as Harry pulls back, breathing harshly.

“Going to make you feel so good. You won’t want anyone else,” Harry says quietly.

“I don’t want anyone else anyway. Only want you. You alone. Forever you,” Louis brabbles and makes Harry with that beam over all his face. Louis doesn't hesitate as he is directed to lie on his stomach, a pillow under his hips to tilt his bum to the perfect angle for his boyfriend. He spreads his legs eagerly as strong, purposeful hands grasp his firm cheeks.

“God your ass is to die for,” Harry breathes.

Louis just pants eagerly in response as his ass cheeks are pulled apart gently, baring his hidden entrance to Harry’s gaze. He feels a kiss at the base of his spine, then a slow drag of wet tongue up the exposed crevice before Harry begins licking over tightly furled flesh. Louis loses himself in the erotic sensations, tries to spread himself again, pushes himself back and gives much needed friction for his cock under him. He cries out his encouragement as Harry's tongue presses with more force, pushes against his opening, demands it to let him in.

At this point Louis is certain that Harry is trying to drive him out of his mind as he pulls back and then leans down once more, placing his mouth on Louis' entrance. For long moments when Harry licks, nips and sucks, Louis writhes, shudders and pleads to be taken. However, it is clear that Harry is far from being finished. Louis can only whimper as his testicles are each mouthed slowly. Then the slick, agile tongue is back at its pulsating opening. Louis' barely coherent pleas are finally answered as the tongue breaks him, pushing in harder and faster and he thrusts his hips back, matching the rhythm.

But once again Harry surprises him when he abruptly lets go of him.

"Where's lube and condoms?" Harry asks as he places small kisses on his back.

“Drawer in the bed side table. Don't need a condom. I'm clean. Want to feel you. Please, need you,” Louis whispers far too quickly and out of his mind.

“I’m clean too. Okay baby, anything you want," Harry replies, biting his shoulder blade.

The next moment Harry's body is no longer above him but brings out the lube. And Louis hates every second that he isn't close to Harry. But he doesn't have to wait long, because just a few seconds later his larger body knees again between his spread legs. Louis gives a wordless sound of pleasure as Harry caresses his back, slides his large hands up and down. Louis sighs long as fingertips dips into his wet crevice, gently stroking his passage. Louis offers no resistance as he is finally, god fucking finally, rolled onto his back and Harry gives him his feral smile. His legs are spread and Harry once more takes what appears to be his rightful place. Louis watches entranced as Harry squeezes his dick between his splayed thighs, clearly too close to his own release.

“Need you in me. All of you,” Louis sighs and puts his arms around Harry’s neck.

"That's right, pretty baby," his soulmate husks, leans over Louis and demands a hard kiss. 

"When I come it's going to be when I'm inside you."

A soft moan falls from Louis' kiss-bruised lips when Harry's tongue slides over his chest, bites and sucks at his nipples once more. They are left taut and throbbing as Harry moves purposefully lower. Long wet stripes lavish across his abdomen and Louis' hard cock twitches with arousal as he watches the nostrils of Harry flare as he smells him. The air is already redolent with musk, sweat and arousal. Louis dick is lifted and Harry begins to tongue the slit at his head and he can’t resist to give a cry and bucks hard as his shaft is sucked inside a warm, wet mouth.

“Fuck Harry, please… I… I just want you,” Louis begs and he really is about to lose his mind.

But Harry just grins and Louis' eyes are locked with the lust-laden gaze of Harry as he draws his cock into his mouth, swallows, encouraging it to harden even more. Louis' hands pets restless at his long curls, across broad shoulders or fists in the bedding as his body is played by Harry.

While Harry sucks him with a delicacy Louis wouldn't have thought possible, one slicked finger penetrates him and he feels the digit probe for his sweet spot and brushes over it.

“Ahh Harry, darling, please…” Louis moans and begs but his words soon get stuck in his throat as Harry brushes over his prostate a second time. Louis moans and arches, forcing his dick deeper into the still sucking mouth. His muscles tense and relax around the erotic intruder. He feels the finger withdraw, but before he can protest he feels it pushing back inside him, a second alongside it. It is slow and easy, the fingers moving in and out and Louis' hips following the motion as a wicked tongue teases the head of his shaft.

"Please," Louis pleads once again in desperate need for more.

Louis pants wetly when Harry reaches between his legs, stroking his rock hard dick. He writhes as a talented thumb gathers the pooling pre-cum and works it from the slit and down the throbbing length. Harry leans over him and Louis opens his mouth eagerly to let his tongue enter and thrust to the same pace as the three fingers that crowd his narrow channel. Louis clenches and unclenches around the delving digits as Harry slowly and thoroughly prepares him. It's a bittersweet torture. Looking up at Harry, searching his gaze to tell him he can’t wait anymore he is kissed once again heatedly and Louis moans into his lover's mouth.

“Yeah baby, I’m giving it to you now,” Harry says lovingly.

With economy of movement, Louis is suddenly forced onto his hands and knees and he feels Harry's thick dick press insistently against his hole. He holds his hips with bruising intensity as he feels hard flesh slowly push inside him. Louis' body arches as Harry enters him and pants as he is filled, now grateful that so much time had been spent preparing and arousing him. He is able to take the impressive length without difficulty and groans as it effortlessly rubs his sweet spot without any need for adjustment.

“So good darling. I… fuck.. I’m emotional and hot at the same time,” Louis whispers and a lone tear steals his way over his cheek.

Harry’s hands stroke his back and a quick kiss is pressed to his neck. "I feel the same way. We are one baby. As it should be. You and me. Just the two of us."

The thrusting begins slowly, but quickly increases in tempo, Louis pushes back to meet every movement of Harry. He makes wordless, needy sounds of want and arousal as large hands pull at his nipples, stroke his dick, caress his flanks, urging him closer and closer to the release that shimmers just millimetres from his reach. He wails when Harry reaches under him, effortlessly pulls him back onto his lap. The movement ensures he is fully seated on the thick cock impaling him. Louis leans his head back on Harry's shoulder and with eyes closed, panting hard, his hands reaching back to clutch at broad shoulders. Louis cries out in pleasure as a strong grip encircles his cock, Harry stroking it at a fast and furious pace. It seems that his boyfriend is now solely intent on hurtling them to orgasm. Harry mouths at his exposed throat, the vulnerability of his position arousing Louis to impossible heights from which he suddenly plummets. His release detonates with a wail that heralds Louis' climax. He shudders and jerks in the strong embrace as his channel flexes and clenches around Harry’s solid dick. Louis' juice erupts from his shaft, pulses over the pumping hand of Harry and spurts across the bedding.

“So good baby, so fucking good,” Harry moans, kissing his cheek.

As Louis starts to spiral down from his climax, Harry suddenly moans. He bites down on Louis' defenceless neck as the cock buried inside him swells and jerks. Louis sighs softly as he feels his inner walls branded with Harry’s hot come. He is held tightly as Harry rides out his pleasure, suckles at the bite mark on his neck. Louis shudders as if in the throat of a second orgasm with every pulse of Harry’s seed that takes possession of his body. Slowly he is lowered to the bed, Harry quickly curls around him as they pant harshly, recovering from their orgasms.The sensation of Harry slipping from his body leaves Louis feeling empty and his boyfriend moving away from him has him both cold and bereft. He cries out a wordless denial, pulls this beautiful man right back to him. Soft lips press over his and he kisses hungrily, needily until it’s necessary to part to breathe.

"I love you," Louis pants. "I love you Harry."

Tears begin to gather in his eyes and he takes Harry's face in his hands, he would like to say so much more, describe what he feels in the most beautiful words, but he doesn't know anything that would come close to what he feels inside him.

"I love you, too. My idiot. My wonderful idiot who holds my whole heart in his hands," Harry replies, kissing Louis' tears away that are streaming down his cheeks while he looks more than emotional himself.

"I'll never let you go," Louis sniffs and buries his face in Harry's neck, loving the way the long hair tickles his nose.

“You have to baby, only for a little moment okay? I'll be right back with you," Harry smiles, and even though Louis pouts, he rolls away from him and pads into the hallway. 

Louis lies back on the bed, trying to calm his breathing. His eyes go eagerly to the door as he hears Harry's return with a towel draped over his arm. The smile he offers Louis is soft and loving and Louis returns it, lets everything he feels show in his eyes. When Harry is back in bed with him he straddles Louis' supine form. Tenderly Harry wipes over Louis' chest and groin with a warmed washcloth and then runs the towel over himself.

Louis gives a soft sigh of contentment and pulls Harry down to him. Their mouths always meet and this time the kiss is slow and loving, their tongues twining with gentle ease. Louis smiles when Harry pulls back to pour their glasses once again with wine, wriggles into a seated position and accepts a glass of the drink.

"To us, my love," Harry smiles. "That you are my boyfriend. That I can love you and be loved in return. Here's to many more years of us."

“Shit you’re just so perfect,” Louis replies and cuddles more into Harry’s side. He taps his glass against Harry's and both men take several sips.

Louis is a little drunk on wine. 

But definitely drunk and high on their love.

"Harry?" Louis says quietly and reaches for his hand, lacing their fingers together and bringing them to his mouth, placing a kiss on Harry's skin.

“Yes baby?” Harry smiles.

“I don’t think I can love you more than I do right now. And yet I know I will do it tomorrow,” Louis whispers.

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

Once again it is difficult to say goodbye to Harry. Especially after these more than emotional hours. First his heart was heavy and his thoughts were so black that he barely managed to pull away the hand with the blade on his skin, only to then get drunk, numb himself in some way so that he couldn't feel it anymore. And then the joy that Harry is there. Out of nowhere like his knight in shining armour lighting up his night. Harry is his sun. But at the same time there was also the shame that he found him like that and how much worry it must have caused him. Or the relief when Harry asked if he wanted to be his boyfriend, thus taking the pressure off Louis with the experiences in his past. He could never have imagined that this label could make him so happy after it had once been covered up by such a bitter experience. And then his reciprocated I love you. The three words that he never meant as seriously as he did with Harry.

Just as Louis doesn't know how to let him go straight away, he doesn't know how he spent his entire life without him.

As Harry puts on his shoes and Louis lets his gaze slide over his hunched over body, he still hasn't fully realised that until an hour ago they were lying naked and cuddling under the covers in his bedroom. And yet, even when dressed, this body is a real feast for the eyes.

"I feel you staring baby," Harry grins, albeit sadly, as he stands back up and steps straight towards him.

Louis doesn't waste a second and snuggles right into him, his head pressed against his chest where he can hear his heart beating.

"Sorry, you're just too pretty not to be stared at," Louis murmurs quietly and closes his eyes, really soaking up the last moments. 

"When will we meet again?"

“At the gala evening for the appeal for donations for children with cancer. According to your schedule, you're there too," Harry replies, pressing his lips into his hair while he feels him pressed close to him with both arms. “It’s next weekend in case you don’t remember.”

Louis just hums and sighs. Definitely too many days without Harry. But they both have a plan and he sticks to it.

“Can I leave you behind in good conscience? Please... if... if you have those dark thoughts again, don't shut me out. Let me be there for you, okay?" Harry asks quietly and when Louis looks up at him he immediately feels guilty because Harry looks so scared. And no, Louis doesn't want him to look like that, he wants him to look as happy as before. For the rest of his life.

"I promise you. It won't happen again," Louis says, standing on his tiptoes to kiss Harry gently.

"Thank you," Harry breathes against his lips.They both stay like that for a while until the horn honks several times from outside the house and they both let go of each other, giggling.

“Christopher doesn’t seem to want to wait any longer,” Harry grins wryly and a little pained.

“Then go dimple heart,” Louis replies quietly and steps past Harry to open the front door for him. He waves apologetically to Harry's driver and after one last kiss he watches his boyfriend get into the car. One last air kiss from both of them and he's gone.

Louis breathes in and out deeply and closes the front door behind him, sadly pulls out a cigarette and begins to smoke it.

Try not to notice the void left by Harry's departure. But he doesn't have to suffer for long because, laughing quietly, he pulls his ringing phone out of his pocket with Harry's name on the display. Apparently he's already missed just as much.

Chapter Text

I love being in love, but I also love other things, like not being jealous, overly sensitive, or needy.

- Dark Jar Tin Zoo

As Harry eases into the backseat of the car, a subtle heaviness settles in his chest, a tangible echo of the connection he's just left behind.

Fingers trembling with anticipation, Harry pulls out his phone as soon as the engine starts its rhythmic purr. Each second feels like an eternity as he dials Louis' number, already missing him, heart pounding in his chest. The familiar ringtone resonates, and with each passing tone, Harry's yearning intensifies.

Finally, Louis answers, his voice a lifeline breaking through the distance. The warmth in their conversation becomes a soothing melody, momentarily bridging the gap between them. As the car speeds forward, their shared laughter and exchanged words create a makeshift cocoon of connection, softening the blow of the physical separation.

The miles between them dissolve into the background as they share snippets of their past, weaving a delicate thread of intimacy over the phone lines. Harry clings to every syllable, as if each word is a precious drop of water in the desert of impending solitude.

In the confined space of the car, Harry's smile mirrors the glow of the dashboard lights. The call becomes a lifeline, a reminder that even in the absence of physical presence, their connection endures. 

With each passing minute with Louis still close to him, the distance feels less formidable. 

They only hang up when Louis gets a call from management and after what they pulled today, neither of them dares to be rebellious in any way. 

They say their goodbyes, aware that they most likely will text or talk again tonight.

The upcoming week, though still daunting, becomes a countdown to the next shared moment.

Maybe Harry can sleep over at Louis' after the Gala? He definitely can't come over before, thanks to his missed appointments today. 

Sam already sent an outrageous text about Harry being sneaky for avoiding him and asking Sandra for help instead. He also made it clear that Harry has to catch up on everything he missed and that he won't accept something like that again. 

That's why switching some of his appointments to see Louis earlier is out of question but he could stay there. Sure, he has his training with Brad on Sunday, but other than that, he's free all day and Louis could just sleep longer. When he'll be back after his workout, maybe Louis would be interested in helping him get clean again. 

When images of them both being naked in the shower again flood his mind, Louis taking care of him, Harry's cock in his mouth, Harry shakes his head violently to let go of the images. What is wrong with him? Just a few hours ago he had one of the most meaningful and marvellous sexual experiences of his life, he even came twice, and now he already feels his cock twitching by just thinking about Louis. 

He's never been this needy before and even if the overall intensity with Louis feels so right, it scares him a little. Never had anything felt so overwhelming and all consuming, in every possible way, positive and negative.

Yet, amid the fear, there's a profound acknowledgment that this connection with Louis is worth the emotional turbulence. It's a thrilling, frightening dance on the precipice of something extraordinary, and as Harry contemplates the depth of his feelings, he finds solace in the courage it takes to embrace the unknown.

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

Arriving in Manchester he doesn't even have time to go home, a furious Brad already waiting for him in the hallway, obviously not amused by the delay. 

“It's only a couple of hours, relax,” Harry says, rolling his eyes in annoyance. 

“Besides I could have worked out on my own today if you're too busy.”

Only thirty minutes into the workout Harry wants to just die. It would be better than suffering from Brad's anger. 

The weights clang loudly as Brad outlines a punishing regimen, each exercise feeling like a form of retribution for Harry's last-minute schedule change. 

Brad's gaze is unwavering, a silent expression of frustration that punctuates every set. The workout becomes an arduous test of endurance, each rep met with Brad's disapproving eyes. 

Beads of sweat stream down Harry's face as he battles through the demanding routine, the physical strain amplified by the weight of Brad's disappointment.

During breaks, Brad offers no words of encouragement, leaving only a heavy silence broken by the clatter of weights. It's a lesson not just in physical resilience but in accountability. Each exercise serves as a reminder that actions have consequences, and today's consequence is a gruelling workout under the unyielding gaze of a discontented trainer.

As the session nears its end, Harry's muscles ache, mirroring the emotional turmoil within, and when he finally is allowed to leave again, Harry doesn't know how to walk anymore. 

How he'll be able to present his new song to some people from the label in an hour, he doesn't know. Every cell of his body screams at him to just lie down and don't move again for days. At least. 

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

After showering Harry barely has time to type out a message to Louis. 

Harry 

My little idiot! 

Help!

Training was a nightmare today, I think Brad took the postponement personally and now I am barely able to work. 

I'm almost on my way to present Sweet Creature. Wish me luck! 

I just wanted to add that those hours together meant everything to me. I love you so much and I can't wait to take you in my arms again. 

Louis' reply comes instantly as if he's been sitting in front of his phone and only waited for a message from him. 

Soulmate<3

Tell Brad to watch out, if he overworks you like that again I'll have a very serious word with him. Nobody messes with my dimple heart. The fucker. I already hate him. And I don't care if I'm exaggerating.

And of course I wish you luck. Thanks again for the song, it means everything to me. Just like you. I can't wait to see you again and tell you between kisses that I love you just as much.

Harry

You haven't even listened to it yet. Maybe you don't even like the song. :)

And Brad is not that bad. Sure he's annoying sometimes, but he pushes me to my limits and that's why my body is as it is and I feel like you like my body… maybe you should send him a gift basket as a thank you instead of hating him :p

Gotta go now! Love you <3

Soulmate <3

Nope, that's not going to happen. I hate him, case closed. And I would love you even if you were fat and wrinkly. I love you for you dimple heart. Your body is just the cherry on top of the cake. The only thing Brad gets from me is a stinky finger.

Yeah right I haven't heard it yet but if you've written lyrics that are easier to understand this time then it can only be good. I love your voice. Love everything about you. Oh my god I LOVE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH

Laughing down at his phone he hurries to get out again and meet Christopher, his favourite guitar tucked under his arm. 

Instead of replying to his message, he quickly calls him from the car to tell him in a hopefully not too cheesy way how much he loves him and that Louis is more than he ever imagined for him. Oh and that he's a fucker for always emphasising that his debut single might be a tad too vague. They both laugh about that before once again saying goodbye to each other. 

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

In a dimly lit studio adorned with vintage furnishings, Harry stands before a hushed audience of label executives, his guitar cradled in his hands like a cherished relic. The air is pregnant with anticipation as he prepares to unveil his new creation, Sweet Creature , a song that bears the raw essence of his soul.

Nervously looking around the room he strums the first chords, the melody weaving through the room like a gentle current. Soon he forgets about everything else, as always when he's making music and the atmosphere becomes an intimate cocoon, shielding the vulnerability embedded in the lyrics.

Harry's voice, a velvet timbre that transcends mere sound, carries the weight of personal revelations.

As he sings, his eyes lock onto the sea of faces before him, navigating the emotional landscape of Sweet Creature. The lyrics, a poetic tapestry of love and longing, unfold like a carefully penned letter to the heart. Each word is an invitation into the labyrinth of his emotions, a journey only a select few are privileged to witness.

The room, usually abuzz with industry chatter, falls into a reverent silence. The simplicity of the acoustic guitar allows the authenticity of the song to shine, and Harry's vocals fill the space with an arresting sincerity. The executives, often stoic in their roles, are visibly moved by the magnetic pull of the performance.

As the last chord resonates, a heavy pause fills the room before erupting into a wave of applause. The label executives, momentarily suspended in the emotional undertow, now sit stirred and captivated.

“And, do you think we could record it at the last minute and put it on the album?” Harry asks with a grin, already sure that he knows the answer. 

“Yes. But if anyone asks, the song is about your sister,” Sam replies. He isn't even there, only listening in on the phone, but he still manages to annoy Harry. 

As if anyone would believe he wrote a song like that for his sister.

When he tells Louis about it, once again sitting in the car, he congratulates him for his song being released but at the same time Harry feels his sadness even if he tries to hide it. 

“Hey, you and me and all our friends will always know it's about you, my little idiot. And I promise you to always send you a virtual touch through our bracelets when I'm telling this lie, because this song belongs to you,” Harry says, hoping to ease Louis' mind a little. 

Even if Louis didn't actually hurt himself, it was so close that Harry fears every little setback could give the impetus of Louis hurting himself again.

“Thank you, Harry. I love you so much. And I can't wait to finally hear that song.” 

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

The next morning Harry decides to post a selfie on Instagram to which Louis can reply to publicly, just to please Louis' management. He even writes a strange, stupid caption to make it easy for Louis to write a snarky reply. 

@harrystyles

Trying out a new hairstyle today – bedhead chic. Embracing the 'I woke up like this' aesthetic.

Harry doesn't look at his phone again until after his workout and sees not only that his post already has thousands of likes and comments, but that Louis already wrote a comment. 

@louist91

Looks like you've been waking up like that for a while. Maybe invest in a mirror, mate.

Ouch. That stings. Even if Harry knows it's for his stupid management and most likely not meant to hurt him, it still does. Why does insulting Harry come easy to Louis? 

Feeling tears build in his eyes, he closes Instagram again, deciding against a reply.

As if Louis senses his hurt, a message comes through just at that moment. 

Soulmate <3

Darling, my dimple heart, I hope you know that I love your hair. No matter how messy it is. No actually, that's when I love it the most, after we had sex it looked like that. And that was the moment we were so close. So how could I not love it?

I hope I didn't hurt you with my words. You are beautiful. Always!

Harry has to read it multiple times, finding it hard to believe his words. It's so much easier to believe bad things being said than that. Deep down though, he knows that Louis means it like that. 

Harry

This comment was really worthy of an idiot. You're lucky you are my idiot and that I can't be angry with you. 

But honestly? Reading it hurt me. 

I think we need to find a way to figure out how to do that but still don't hurt each other. 

Let's talk about that after the Gala this weekend. 

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

The rest of the week goes by in a blur. 

Louis and Harry both have many appointments so that their communication is down to a minimum. 

They still find some time to talk on the phone and they even have phone sex once when Louis calls him after reading a new chapter of Harry's fanfiction that left Louis desperately horny. This time, Louis takes the lead and guides them both to a phenomenal orgasm just with his dirty mouth and the images Harry's story planted in their head. 

Harry never thought he could come as hard as that from just his own touch but with Louis' voice it was an incredible journey which left both of them panting for minutes afterwards. It gives him hope for all the time they'll spend apart as soon as Louis' tour starts. 

In addition to their phone calls they communicate through Instagram and Twitter posts, now more cautious about their choice of words but sometimes it's still hard not to hurt each other. 

Their rivalry draws more and more attention to them and they both watch the chaos that erupts. The media of course writes what Louis' management wants and buys the story about Harry and Louis being enemies and fighting about who's best. 

The fans on the other hand are totally invested in the concept of Larry Stylinson , they already created several fan websites for their ship, and even try to find out which code-words they might use in their messages. 

Harry watches in amusement and pays attention to their theories, already enthusiastic about the code-words and secretly writing down everything that might be useful. Maybe their fans can help them navigate through all of this. 

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

“I can't wait to see you tonight,” Harry sighs into the phone, once again on his way to London. He really should just move there to avoid dull hours in the car. 

“Me neither, dimple heart. It will be so hard to behave like I don't like you in front of everyone,” Louis answers, whispering because his team is already around him and doesn't have to hear everything. 

“Yes, but we will manage. We just don't talk at all,” Harry says, feeling optimistic about it. 

“Actually, I think I haven't had time to tell you this. But, I'm going there with Flo. Like, she's my date for tonight.” 

Louis talks quickly and Harry knows exactly why. He knows it will be hard for Harry to actually see them together and he also knows how much Harry despises her. 

He tries to calm himself before answering but it's really hard not to show his emotions about it. “Perfect. At least it won't be hard to look pissed when I look in your direction then.” 

“Flo really isn't a bad person. I told you I talked to her. It's fine. And I actually have a surprise for you tonight so maybe that will ease your mind,” Louis says and Harry decides to act like an adult and let the discussion about Florence Pugh slide. 

Instead he asks, “A surprise? What is it?”

“If I'd tell you it wouldn't be a surprise, dimple heart. Just you wait. You'll find out soon enough. Gotta go. I love you.” 

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

When Harry finally opens the door to his hotel room it's already buzzing inside with people waiting on him. 

Rolling his eyes he listens to Sam talking about how important the night is for Harry's image, while being guided to his stylist. 

He's already annoyed by the speech when Sam reminds him that he can't show any feelings for Louis and instead should stay close to some people he barely knows but will help with his everyone's-darling-image. 

With a shrug he tells him not to worry and that he has everything under control, which is true. Everything but his feelings and his hatred for Florence, but he won't share his thoughts on that topic with anyone in the room. 

In the bustling bedroom, now used as a dressing room, Harry stands surrounded by an array of high-end fabrics and accessories, his stylist meticulously curating a look that seamlessly merges trendiness with undeniable allure for the upcoming gala night.

The stylist, with an impeccable eye for fashion, selects a tailored black suit that accentuates Harry's silhouette. The jacket, adorned with subtle embellishments, exudes sophistication, while the tailored trousers elongate his frame. A crisp, open-collared shirt in a deep shade of blue complements the ensemble, revealing a hint of his collarbones for a touch of sensuality.

Footwear is a statement in itself as she puts it– polished, high-shine Chelsea boots that add an edge to the overall ensemble. Accessories are minimal but impactful, with a subtle mix of silver rings adorning Harry's fingers and a sleek watch gracing his wrist.

Harry, transformed into a vision of trendy and sexy sophistication, gazes into the mirror. The stylist's meticulous efforts have crafted an ensemble that captures not only the essence of the gala but also an enigmatic charm. 

Harry thanks her and is about to go next door to get his hair freshened up for the gala when she takes his hand and guides him to the back of the room. 

“A special someone,” she starts, winking barely noticeable, “Asked me to give you that.” 

She hands him a small little package wrapped in paper that reminds him of Louis' eyes with dimple heart written on it. 

Harry takes the package and beams at her. 

“Thank you,” he says before taking his surprise with him to the bathroom, the only room where he can find some privacy today. 

Seated on the bathroom floor, Harry cradles the small surprise package in his hands, fingers tracing the edges with a mix of curiosity and apprehension. The anticipation of a gift should bring joy, but as he peels away the layers, the long-distance bracelet is revealed, and a storm of emotions brews within him.

Harry eyes the bracelet in his hands with a mix of frustration and hurt. The delicate piece of jewellery, meant to symbolise a shared connection, now feels like a stark reminder of broken promises and fractured trust.

Anger courses through him as he recalls the initial plan – Louis and he were supposed to get their matching bracelets together. 

The fact that Louis went ahead and saw hot Luke without him stirs a tumult of emotions. The bathroom, usually a place of solitude, becomes a battleground for feelings he's struggling to articulate.

In his mind, he replays the scenario – Louis approaching Luke, the hot friend, to obtain the bracelet. He sees Luke and Louis hugging, looking good together, way better than Harry and Louis. His mind wanders even further as he imagines them cuddling and kissing and laughing at Harry's nativity. 

The image fuels the flames of jealousy and insecurity, as he grapples with the idea that someone else stepped into a space they had reserved for each other.

As he clenches the bracelet in his hand, Harry can't escape the weight of disappointment. The tangible object becomes a silent witness to the shifting dynamics, a fractured promise that echoes the strains in their relationship. The anger he feels is not just about the bracelet; it's about the breach of a shared intention, a plan that was meant to strengthen their connection.

The bathroom walls seem to close in as he wrestles with these emotions, and the bracelet, once a symbol of unity, now embodies the distance between them. In the midst of frustration, Harry can't help but wonder why Louis would intentionally hurt him like that. He knows about Harry's jealousy, Harry has been so open about his feelings towards Luke. 

Despite the storm of emotions swirling within him, Harry takes a deep breath and slowly slides the bracelet onto his wrist. The delicate piece of jewellery adorns him, a visible emblem of both connection and discord.

In the quiet act of fastening the bracelet, Harry makes a silent commitment to preserving the bond that exists between him and Louis. The metal against his skin serves as a reminder of shared history, laughter, and the intricate dance of their intertwined lives. It's a choice to rise above the hurt and not let a tangible object define the strength of their connection.

With the bracelet secure, Harry resolves to address the underlying issues. He knows that keeping silent about his feelings would only deepen his bad emotions and he fears to ruin everything if he keeps it bottled up. 

In the face of hurt, Harry clings to the hope that honest communication can bridge the gaps that have emerged.

As he steps out of the bathroom, the decision to talk to Louis about his concerns weighs heavy on his mind, but he knows that he has to keep it together for now. They'll talk about it later after they survived the gala. 

When he feels his bracelet vibrate for the first time he feels a warmth spreading through his body, imagining Louis to be close to him. To not hurt Louis he even sends back a signal. He loves and misses him after all, even if he's really angry with him at the moment. 

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

Harry emerges from the sleek car onto the vibrant red carpet, his entrance marked by a symphony of camera clicks and the enthusiastic hum of the crowd. He navigates the sea of flashing lights with an air of effortless charm, always listening to what everyone around him tells him to do. 

As the cameras capture his every move, Harry strikes a pose that radiates confidence and charisma. His best, perfect smile graces his face, a beacon of warmth that seems to light up the entire carpet. 

With each step, he exudes a magnetic energy, turning the mundane act of walking into a captivating performance. The tailored suit accentuates his every move, a canvas for his fashion-forward choices that seamlessly blend trendiness with his distinctive flair.

Harry effortlessly transforms the red carpet into his own personal runway, leaving a trail of admiration in his wake. The facade of the charming persona becomes a testament to his ability to navigate the spotlight with both style and grace.

As he pauses for the perfect photo opportunity, the cameras capturing his every angle, Harry sees Louis and Florence getting out of a car together. 

Their gazes meet instantly and Harry sees how Louis has to hide a smile. He doesn't have that problem though, his anger about Luke and the bracelets still burning inside of him.

It's even possible that he makes a grimace that will make everyone believe they hate each other. At least Louis seems to pick up on it instantly. He looks at him irritated and just a few seconds later Harry feels his bracelet vibrate again. This time though, it increases his anger as he watches Florence and Louis pose together for some pictures. 

When she puts her hands on his hips and smiles at him with heart-eyes, he almost screams at her to fuck off and get her hands off his boyfriend. 

He can't do that and instead he tries to focus on looking like a professional singer who is thankful for being here and wants to support the purpose of the gala. 

When he hears cheering he can't help but look back at Louis.

The vibrant energy of the red carpet suddenly turns surreal for Harry as he catches sight of Florence and Louis sharing a kiss, her hands way too close to Louis' ass for his liking and is this a tongue slipping into Louis’ mouth? 

Time seems to slow, and a tumult of emotions surges within him.

His composed facade shatters, replaced by a mixture of shock, hurt, and a lingering sense of betrayal and anger. In that fleeting moment, the world around him blurs as he grapples with the sight before him. The red carpet, once a symbol of glamour, transforms into an emotional battlefield where unexpected wounds are inflicted.

The cameras capture a different narrative now – the unravelling of a carefully crafted image. Harry, caught in the crossfire of emotions, struggles to regain his composure. The vibrant smile he wore a moment ago gives way to a furrowed brow, a reflection of the storm within.

As the kiss lingers in the air, the crowd's cheers become distant echoes. It's a scene frozen in time, a poignant tableau of love and heartbreak played out under the unforgiving gaze of the public eye, without them knowing it. 

Harry's stomach twists with a mix of anger and hurt as he watches Florence and Louis. Their kiss goes on for ages and Louis doesn't even seem to be uncomfortable. 

The sight fuels a surge of frustration, and he can't hold back. Screw the cameras and the crowd. He strides over, jaw clenched, ready to confront the scene that just unfolded in front of him.

“It's so disgusting the way you behave on a red carpet. You only think about your shitty press instead of keeping the focus on the children. You both disgust me,” Harry shouts, unable to hold back even a second longer. 

The sound of Harry's approach and angry words catch Louis and Florence off guard, and they abruptly break the kiss. Their lips part, and they turn towards him, eyes wide with shock and surprise. The air crackles with tension as the unexpected interruption hangs in the awkward silence between them.

Harry almost rips off his bracelet which keeps vibrating at his wrist. 

It takes Louis only a moment to get back his attitude and he swiftly steps in front of Florence while shouting back, “What's your fucking problem, Styles? Fuck off and stay out of my business.” 

He seems genuinely angry with Harry even if he doesn't have the right to be after everything he did today. 

Stepping a step closer Harry steps around Louis and grabs Florence's upper arm while hissing, “Hands off. Touch him again and we'll have a problem.” 

Irritated, she looks from Harry to Louis and her eyes widen when she seems to understand what happens. “It's him?” She whispers, but Louis only shakes his head and hisses, “Later.”

They all look at each other, angry and on Harry's side hurt. When Harry hears the camera clicking again, he snaps out of his haze and stalks away quickly, leaving the red carpet as fast as possible. 

“What the fuck, Harry,” he hears behind him but he refuses to stop and instead walks to the bathroom where he plans on crying and forgetting about the debacle and his thoughts. 

In the bathroom Louis corners him and with annoyance he notices that Florence is right behind him. Honestly? Why is she even here? Louis is none of her business and he's about to tell her exactly what she thinks about her when Louis talks again. 

“You can't freak out like that over a kiss. You know it's part of my job, for fucks sake!” 

“Just because of a kiss?” Harry screams, angry tears already streaming down his face. “First it's really disgusting how she touches you against your will. You hate it, you had a breakdown because of her fucking hands. Like, honestly? She oversteps again and again and you just keep on going and kiss her like you actually love her. That's so fucked up.” 

Louis rolls his eyes and is about to say something but Harry doesn't let him. 

“No. It's my time to talk now. You don't even know how much you hurt me. First you meet up with fucking hot Luke without telling me and do I don't know what with him and then you almost fuck her right in front of me.” 

“I'm gay, and you know that,” Louis answers looking annoyed and now angry himself. “And I didn't do shit with Luke, fuck. I told you he's just a friend and I just wanted to surprise you. Because I love you. But you just decide to be a fucking dickhead. I can't right now, I have a job to do here. You know, like a professional.” 

Louis' words cut deep and Harry doesn't even have a chance to react to that, since Louis storms out without looking back. 

Florence stays behind though, looking at him apologetically, but when he only stares at her angrily, she sighs and finally leaves him alone.

In the quiet confines of the bathroom, Harry's composure crumbles, and the weight of the heated argument with Louis bears down on him. The walls seem to close in as tears well up in his eyes, escaping in silent streams down his cheeks.

Jealousy and anger churn within him, creating a tumultuous storm of emotions. The mirror reflects a face contorted with frustration and despair, a stark contrast to the public persona he was meant to present. The pain of the fight lingers, intertwining with the jealousy that still courses through his veins.

Desperation claws at his chest as he grapples with the rawness of his feelings. He feels lost in a tempest of conflicting emotions, unable to escape the whirlwind of jealousy and remorse. Each sob becomes a cathartic release, echoing in the hushed sanctuary of the bathroom.

In the midst of the breakdown, Harry's thoughts echo with regret. He's sorry for the harsh words, the accusations hurled in the heat of the argument. The bathroom becomes a refuge for his vulnerability, a space where he confronts the tangled mess of emotions that threaten to consume him.

As he sits on the bathroom floor, the world outside momentarily forgotten, Harry is a portrait of inner turmoil. 

He hates himself for ruining everything once again but he still can't stop his red-eyed beast from telling him that Louis betrayed him several times and that he probably already kissed Florence again.

Reminding himself that he has a job to do here, Harry fights his tears and focuses on his breathing until he's able to push everything away and step out again. 

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

Harry can't concentrate on the speeches, his eyes wandering to Louis constantly, who ignores him and doesn't even look at him once.

He really must be angry at Harry because he doesn't react to Harry using their bracelet and Harry wants nothing more than to be alone with him to talk about everything and sort it out. 

What if Louis doesn't want to be his boyfriend anymore?

After the second speech he goes backstage to prepare for his performance and when he asks to change the song spontaneously, they tell him that it's too late for that. 

His hands shake and he has to fight his tears again when he hears the moderator telling the guests that the newcomer Harry Styles will now perform a song for them. 

As Harry steps onto the stage to sing his song, nervous energy courses through him. The recent fight with Louis lingers in his mind, casting a shadow over the anticipated moment. His hands tremble slightly as he grips the microphone, a mix of anxiety and determination evident in his eyes. The stage becomes both a sanctuary and a battleground, a place where he confronts not only the audience but also the echoes of the recent emotional turmoil.

“Hi, I'm Harry,” he starts, trying to focus on anyone but Louis.

“It's an honour to be here tonight and sing this song for you. It's a really personal song and the first time I sing it in front of an audience. Even if the person I wrote this song for is really angry with me right now, I hope they'll like it. Here is Sweet Creature. ”

After finishing the refrain for the first time, his bracelet doesn't stop vibrating anymore and when he finally dares to glance at Louis he sees tears glistening in his eyes.

Chapter Text

The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.

-Steve Maraboli

Sweet creature, sweet creature
Wherever I go, you bring me home
Sweet creature, sweet creature
When I run out of road, you bring me home
You'll bring me home

Oh Harry has clearly run out from road and Louis knows that he is his fucking soulmate, yes, but they are so newly in love, so young in their relationship and Louis no longer knows how to capture Harry in his jealousy. Yes, he sent him a vibration because of course he is touched by the song that was written just for him and about them, how could he not? But Harry, in his jealousy and complete exaggeration, made Louis doubt whether what they were both doing here was still right. Everything he has done for him so far has been out of love. Pure, deep love and yet it doesn't seem to be enough for this man standing up there on stage and singing his heart out. What else should Louis do? Everything that Harry shouted at him today in his anger is like a freshly sharpened blade being drawn through his heart and he is deeply hurt, downright wounded. His love for this man bleeds crimson red from the wounds of Harry's words.

How much truth is really there in this song that Harry wrote for him and whose last chords are just fading away? He watches with narrowed eyes as Harry leaves the stage with an awkward wave to the audience. And Louis' brain starts rattling.

Is Louis really bringing him home? A home in which not only Harry is blinded by jealousy or Louis who leaves him in a state of alarm with his fears and thoughts of self-harm? What kind of home is that? Silent doubts mix with his anger and disappointment, leaving Louis on the verge of tears. He quickly looks down at his lap when he notices how his eyes are already starting to burn and blinks, biting his lip. A hand places itself on his thigh and presses gently.

“Everything will be okay,” Florence whispers.

Louis snorts and gives her a quick sideways glance from under his eyelashes. “I’m not so sure anymore.”

“Lou, don’t,” Florence admonishes him and leans closer to him for her next words. “Your man sang his heart out up there and did you just see the look he gave you at the end? The words he chose at the beginning? He loves you."

Louis just rolls his eyes and crosses his arms over his chest. “I've seen and heard everything, yes. But I also heard his hurtful words clearly earlier. Those insinuations that I almost fucked you? No Flo, even though he is my soulmate, but that was a step too far.”

“You have to talk,” Florence tries to reassure him. 

Louis laughs quietly and bitterly. “Oh I'll talk to him, believe me. I just don't know how it'll turn out yet. Does he like what I have to say? I doubt it.”

Florence sighs loudly and deeply next to him and gives him one last look of pity but stays silent from there on. Louis is grateful for this and tries to distract himself from his inner turmoil, really tries to listen carefully to the next presenter on stage, but of course he immediately notices how the tall, slim figure of his boyfriend sinks back into his chair a few tables away.

He doesn't want to but can't help but stare at Harry and he knows exactly what his own face must look like. Lips pressed together and eyes narrowed into slits. And of course Harry looks right back, that's how they work. In a room full of people, it's always their eyes that find each other without anyone being able to defend themselves against it. Harry seems to be feeling the same way as Louis, namely on the verge of tears. And yet he can't feel any pity for him and quickly looks away again.

His fingers play nervously at the hem of his jacket and the murmurs of those present, the other artists playing their songs or Florence next to him who keeps throwing worried glances at him completely fade into the background. Louis loses himself in his thoughts and tries to calm himself down as best he can, because he too has the last performance of the evening today and will present his number one.

Pete, who was sitting at the next table, suddenly taps him on his shoulder while standing suddenly next to him and nods towards the stage. “It’s almost your turn, go backstage and get ready. And make sure you deliver perfectly, Harry's sentimental song was far too well received by the audience. Besides, we will have to have a serious conversation. But come on, that’s a topic for another time.”

Louis just nods and stands up. At this moment he doesn't even want to think about how the management took everything on the red carpet, otherwise Louis will really no longer be able to play his song because Harry could have completely destroyed what little freedom they have.

He is already welcomed backstage by his team, gives them a pained smile even if he doesn't feel like it at all and otherwise puts on his in-ears in silence and tries to concentrate on his upcoming performance. Deep breaths and all willpower do not allow the previous argument to be forgotten and he enters the stage with his band just as tensely as before.

Louis isn't even in a position to say anything because he knows that his voice would probably tremble with suppressed anger, because of course his eyes immediately fall on Harry and despite the darkness in the hall, he looks like a heap of misery, sitting there in his chair, puppy eyes and a sad expression. And it only fuels Louis' anger even more. That he now has the nerve to sit there so miserably when he just gave him hell and Louis now feels so miserable himself and questions everything.

“This is Out of my System. Thank you for having me,” is all he says between his clenched teeth, then closes his eyes and bobs his head to the beginning beat that his band begins to play.

Louis knows he's singing the song too aggressively, probably a completely new version, but he just can't help himself. He doesn't even look at Harry anymore, even though his bracelet feels like it's vibrating to the beat and no longer stands still. Even before his band has played the last note, he leaves the stage without further ado as he has sung his last words and storms backstage through the corridors out to the back exit.

And here he allows his angry tears to flow freely for the first time, leaning close to the wall of the house and under the cover of darkness he simply can't hold them back any longer. Everything is too much and he no longer knows whether his heart still beats in time with Harry. He smokes his cigarette far too quickly while tears stream down his cheeks and lights the second one as suddenly the door opens. Startled, Louis sucks in a breath and quickly wipes the tears from his cheek.

But it's only Florence who looks around and finally spots him.

“Louis, where are you? Pete is literally murdering me inside with his looks, not to mention Harry, after I left our table to look for you,” she shouts, stepping closer to him.

Her green eyes search his gaze worriedly and Louis just shrugs. “To be honest, I don’t really care what either one of them thinks. I needed a quick moment to myself.”

"You were crying," Florence states quietly, rubbing his upper arm sympathetically.

“Yes,” Louis answers quietly and takes another drag of his cigarette, which he now smokes more slowly.

“I can live with the fact that Harry obviously hates me. It must be hard for him. But I don't like seeing you like this. Do you have time to talk to him today?” Florence asks.

“It’s not okay for him to hate you either. He is exaggerating. And I don't know what the plan is anymore. He should actually come home with me but I’m not sure if he still wants to,” answers Louis. And adds quietly, “Or me.”

“Oh no, no, no, Lou-Lou. You don't know how much a breakup would hurt. Be mad at him, yell at him for all I care, he deserves it... But you're not ending something so valuable that you have. Do you actually know how your eyes lit up when you first told me about him? You looked like a lovesick puppy. You go in with me now, finish the last hour and then you go to your place and talk!”

Florence literally talked herself into a rage while Louis just listened with raised eyebrows.

“Bossy are we?” Louis snickers.

"No. I’m just trying to be a friend who speaks to your conscience,” Florence says, crossing her arms over her chest with a challenging look.

And Louis actually has to chuckle quietly and shake his head. He takes one last drag on his cigarette and then stomps it out with his shoes. "Okay. Come on girlfriend, don't let me cause any more trouble with Pete and my jealous boyfriend."

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

Dimple Heart 💚

Hey, I'm almost too afraid to ask but I just want to know if you still want me to go home with you? If I didn't already ruin everything beyond repair I mean...

Louis

Be outside in ten minutes at the back entrance...

The driver of the car that takes Harry and Louis home doesn't have an easy job tonight. His back seat accommodates two men who bring the atmosphere inside to pieces. One sniffling and with his head bowed, the other snorting angrily and looking out the window with a piercing look.

Even the music that comes quietly to them from the radio cannot drown out the heavy silence between them.

"Are you still angry? Please say something,” Harry whispers quietly, but Louis stubbornly continues to look out the window and remains silent.

Until Harry gently touches his leg and he jerks his hand away from him. “Leave me alone,” Louis hisses, giving him a withering look.

"But... but you made my band vibrate when I sang..." Harry argues in a whisper, his bottom lip already wobbling dangerously.

Louis just rolls his eyes and shrugs his shoulders. “I’m still angry and don’t want to say anything that I regret. Let’s talk at home.”

Then he looks away from Harry again so he doesn't have to see his sad face anymore. He simply has no pity for him right now. The silence in the car is uncomfortable for the rest of the drive and Louis feels close to tears again. Because it feels like Harry has ripped out his heart and hammered it. He would have expected Harry to have more trust in him, his soulmate. Louis has actually been feeling sick ever since the incident and he puts a protective hand on his stomach. He actually hates arguing and always makes sure everything is harmonious. But here even he can no longer find anything that he could consider positive.

They've finally arrived and Louis jumps out of the car without another word, taking deep breaths as he takes long steps down the driveway and can barely get the key into the hole because his hands are shaking so much from what's now in front of them.

He feels Harry's body behind him, silent and still sniffling, and finally manages to turn the key.

"Living room," is the only thing he says to Harry before he angrily kicks his shoes off his feet in a high arc before stomping down the hallway and plopping down on the sofa. But when Harry drops down next to him shortly afterwards, it's just too close for him and he jumps up agitated and starts pacing up and down the room.

"Lou please," Harry begs quietly, making Louis stop for the first time.

His head snaps around. "You," he growls and steps towards him, standing in front of him and towers over Harry who continues to sit on the sofa. His feet are pigeon-toed and his eyes are large, his mouth slightly open in shock.

And yes, even Louis doesn't know himself like that, but he has never loved anyone like Harry and it just hurts.

"You've hurt me so much! You made a fuss in front of the public and didn't even think about how it might be perceived, right? Not only did you literally rip my heart out with your allegations, no, maybe you even wasted what little freedom we had from management. I can't believe you even went so far as to accuse me of fucking Flo. You're an asshole Harry Styles!" Louis shouts and then angrily stomps away from Harry, who has started to cry quietly and has his head bowed.

Because he doesn't know what to do with his anger and is completely in a rage, he grabs one of his decorative figures on a shelf and throws it with full force onto the floor, watching satisfied as it shatters into many individual pieces, at least a small outlet of his feelings that drive him crazy.

"I'm sorry," Harry says quietly, making Louis look up from the broken pieces.

“As you should!” Louis yells and walks towards him again, no longer thinking about what this anger is doing to him. Instead, he pulls Harry harshly by his hand into a standing position and brings his face close to his.

“Tell me you really think I would fuck Flo. Tell me that I ever gave you a good reason to be so overly jealous. Come on, tell me Harry!” Louis continues to yell.

Harry shakes his head and the tears continue to stream down his cheeks. Even then, he's still beautiful and Louis hates how soft he makes him every damn time.

“It was wrong of me. I couldn't control it. I love you and I know that you wouldn't cheat on me. But... It came over me," Harry tries to explain, stammering.

“Oh it came over you,” Louis laughs bitterly. “You are a jealous possessive man Harry. And to some extent I find it sweet and hot. But that's not how it works. You were right. We are truly like two flames merging into one fire. And I burned myself on you tonight,” Louis says, quieter but with such a hard voice that he no longer recognises it.

“But it’s your fault too! You didn't keep our agreement and went to Luke. Without me!” Harry interjects, his voice suddenly louder and full of hatred like he has never heard from him before.

“Yeah damn it. Who knows when we would have seen each other again? I just picked it up there quickly so that we both have the chance to use the bracelets as soon as possible! Because I wanted to make you happy. Because I love you, you fucking idiot!” Louis exclaims. “What do you think I did to him? Fucked him over his kitchen table when he reached for the package?”

Harry blushes and shrugs. “Yes, something like that,” he breathes quietly.

“If you trust me so little then go Harry. There is the door. I can't do it like that. Do you understand? I love you more than anything, I made NDA’s possible and just wanted to make you happy with the bracelet. A little jealousy is all well and good but this is too much. Even if you're my soulmate, I don't want it like that," Louis says, his gaze sliding wildly over Harry's face

"I... I trust you, Lou," Harry cries, reaching for his shoulder but Louis quickly shakes his hand off, just like back then in the car. It's all too much right now and he can't bear it.

“Are you really? Doesn't seem like it. So make a damn decision!” Louis replies harshly, his voice cracking.

And Harry, on the other hand, just hangs his head again. The wild curls hang in front of his face like a curtain and yet he can see how the tears are falling, how his whole body is even shaking.

"I do not want to go. I want to be good for you," Harry says breathily and then looks up, a longing in his eyes and the love that speaks from it only allows one decision.

Louis has to kiss him. Must feel that what he says is meant seriously.

Without further ado, he pounces on him, so that they both stumble backwards and fall onto the sofa. Harry, underneath him, wonder in his eyes as he gasps in shock before Louis seals his lips again in a hard kiss. Definitely too much teeth and too hasty and yet exactly what feels right now.

The anger and love blend into a hot mix of feelings that throbs through his veins. And Louis has definitely lost his mind. His heart included.

“Take your clothes off,” Louis growls as he briefly lets go of Harry, only to return to planting fiery kisses on his full, salty-tasting lips.

"Shit, Lou, yeah, want you to fuck me," Harry groans as his hands begin to unbutton his shirt just like Louis asked.

"Be quiet. I don't want to hear a word from you, understand? You don't even deserve me to fuck you. But I'll show you how much I want you and if you freak out again like you did tonight then God have mercy on you Harry," Louis hisses before sitting up from Harry and quickly freeing himself of his own clothes.

Harry nods, bites his bottom lip with his teeth and looks far too erotic with his red cheeks and eager look. Louis hates it. And loves it.

"Lean over the back of the sofa," Louis demands when Harry is naked and reaches for the small packet of lube in his trouser pocket, because he had actually thought that this evening would turn out differently.

Louis wastes no time, driven by his lust and all the anger at Harry's behaviour, he squeezes the lube onto his fingers and immediately finds its target between Harry's ass cheeks, who is on his knees, his bum on full display. 

Satisfied, he hears Harry's gasps and moans as he hesitantly pushes his first finger into him, but otherwise he remains silent. Louis loves the sight of his fingers disappearing into Harry's hole and even though he would have imagined the first time he took him to be more loving and romantic, this feels right. Wild and passionate, full of roaring feelings that now find their way out in a slightly different way.

Louis quickly adds his second and third fingers, barely giving Harry time to get used to the stretch, but Harry’s moans confirm his belief that he actually likes it.

His own cock is already hard and ready and Louis has had enough. He quickly withdraws his fingers, squeezes the rest of the lube onto his cock and then without delay rams it into Harry, grabbing his hips hard and digging his fingernails into the soft flesh, can't believe how good Harry feels around his cock. 

Harry throws his head back as he buries his own hands in the back of the sofa and pushes his ass out further towards him. And so Louis quickly bottoms out, grabs his long hair and probably pulls it a little too hard, letting his boyfriend feel what's raging inside him.

“You like that, huh? If I fuck you hard and take out on you what you've done to me?" Louis grunts between quick thrusts and fuck, angry sex is damn hot. Even if he doesn't want any reason to have one more in the future.

His hand lets go of Harry's mane so that his head falls forward onto his chest and he just nods his head in agreement.

Louis hips fuck Harry so fast and hard that their bodies crash against each other where they join, the slapping of their skin can be heard loudly and Louis is in a frenzy. He can already feel his approaching orgasm. His hand becomes independent in their wild lovemaking and he delivers a loud slap to Harry's butt cheek that makes him shudder and groan loudly before Louis reaches around and grasps his leaking stiff cock.

“So wet for me. And so good. Finally you are quiet. You've said enough stupid things tonight, haven't you," Louis whispers, picking up the pace and hardness again, his hand tight around Harry's cock in a wild rhythm to his hips.

Harry still doesn't say anything but Louis sees the goosebumps on his body, sees how he shudders and feels the twitch of his cock in his hand. He knows exactly what that means and despite his hard thrusts he still manages to coordinate and control Harry’s orgasm.

Just before he's sure he's coming, he pulls his hand away, making Harry whimper and cast a pleading look over his shoulder before he comes himself with one last hard thrust he gives him. Harry cries out softly again and finally comes too, untouched and a ruined orgasm just as he deserves it. Louis closes his eyes, smirks and pumps his seed into him, enjoying the way he flies on his high from this kind of sex and the feeling that Harry's clenching hole sends through his sensitive cock.

When he comes to himself again, he pulls out his cock and slaps Harry's bottom again, who has literally collapsed over the backrest and is panting just as wildly as he is. One ass cheek slightly red and his pool of cum underneath him on the sofa.

“Make sure you clean that up. You are lucky it's a leather sofa. If you're quick enough you can meet me upstairs in the shower," Louis says, leaving Harry behind who looks up as he passes him. Green eyes that hold a tornado of emotions and a mouth that closes and opens without anything coming out.

“By the way, you can say something again,” Louis calls back over his shoulder before running up the stairs.

Breathing wildly, he enters the bathroom and steps into the shower. The initially cold water is perfect and brings him back to reality and the warmer it gets, it envelops him. Because Louis suddenly has a guilty conscience. He was too rough with Harry, maybe a touch too mean. And suddenly there are tears again, mixing with the water that rains down on him from the jet.

He barely notices the shower door open when sobs make his body convulse. But he definitely notices the arms that wrap around him and hold him tight. Crying, he slumps against Harry's body, which rocks him back and forth silently, placing small kisses on his wet hair as he just cries in the arms of his true love.

"I love you Louis," Harry breathes quietly. “And I will work on getting better. With therapy if necessary. This is an unbearable situation for me either. I'm so sorry and I swear it won't happen again. Please believe me."

Louis folds his arms around Harry's middle and rests his head on his chest, nodding and placing a kiss on his sternum.

"Okay. I love you too, Harry,” he finally sobs, looking up. “And I'm sorry for being so rough with you. You are my precious. Did I hurt you?"

Harry shakes his head, smiling slightly. "No, it was hot to be honest."

They both look at each other for a moment and then giggle, meeting in the first tender and slow kiss of the evening. Their hands slowly caress their wet naked bodies and it is as if they are putting lots of plasters over the small scratches in their hearts with their touches and kisses.

Just as lovingly and silently, they rub each other's bodies and wash their hair, exchanging small, gentle kisses in between.

"Let's go to bed, dimple heart," Louis says quietly, taking his hand after they dry themselves.

Without putting anything on, they crawl under the covers in the bedroom and into their bodies. Hold each other tight and let their gazes merge with each other.

“Where does this jealousy come from?” Louis asks quietly after a while, wanting to understand what caused Harry to lose his temper this evening.

Harry grimaces almost painfully, takes a deep breath and then begins to talk quietly.

“On the one hand, of course, my insecurity and the feeling of not being perfect enough. That comes from bullying, I think you can relate to that to some extent.”

Louis nods and strokes Harry's curls soothingly, giving him time to find his next words.

“Besides, it’s my first love’s fault. From my side, we had a three-year relationship and it was also a long-distance relationship like ours. We met on vacation back then,” Harry continues, and his gaze briefly wanders as if he feels transported back.

“At the beginning of the relationship, the distance between us made things easier because he was only marginally aware of the bullying and my resulting insecurity. When we met, I always went to his place, but he never visited me. It never really bothered me and I tried to be with him as often as possible. From a physical point of view, the relationship was just kissing and a little caressing and so on, I wasn't ready for anything more. You know why."

Louis nods again and gives him a quick kiss.

“In the beginning we met up with his friends every now and then. Then after about 2 years we had sex for the first time and I became a bit suspicious because he should have been a virgin but he seemed quite experienced. Well, anyway, it went on like that for a while and then I happened to meet a friend of his, who was very irritated that I was in town... according to him, we had been separated for a long time. I was cheated on by my first great love and he probably started dating others after about half a year of our relationship. Mostly one night stands. When I confronted him, he told me that he was just missing the physical aspect and that he could now stop fucking other people because I was finally sleeping with him. And I was stupid enough to believe that. A few months later I happened to see a message from someone else that sounded pretty clear and ended with I love you. I contacted the friend again and found out that he had been officially dating this man for a while and had actually repeatedly claimed to love him. That was the end of the relationship but I never really got over him for a long time and I gave myself to him every time we saw each other again.”

Harry sighs long and Louis's mouth falls open. Now everything makes so much more sense and he can understand Harry to some extent.

“I’m sorry, my darling. Of course I understand that this has influenced you. But I have to emphasise again that I would never do something like that. I love you so much. You're everything to me," Louis finally says quietly and takes Harry's cheek in his hand and strokes it gently.

"I know. Really. I wish I could undo tonight," Harry nods, his expression becoming apologetic again.

"I forgive you," Louis whispers, moving closer to Harry's face with his, putting all his feelings into this soft and tender kiss.

“You burned me tonight. But—" he says and then begins to sing quietly, "I come runnin' to you like a moth into a flame."

Chapter Text

When you choose an action, you choose the consequences of that action. When you desire a consequence you had damned well better take the action that would create it.

- Lois McMaster Bujold

While Louis seems to have no trouble falling asleep, Harry can't stop his thoughts from haunting him all night.

Lying in bed, Harry stares at the ceiling, a heavy weight of regret settling in his chest. The echoes of jealousy reverberate in his mind, and he can't shake the remorse that tinges his thoughts. Each pang of regret is a subtle ache, a realisation that his emotions may have fueled unnecessary turmoil. In the quietness of their room with Louis pressed to his side, he reflects on the choices made in the heat of the moment, grappling with the desire to rewind and undo the knots of jealousy that now bind him to the consequences of his actions. 

Consequences he doesn't even know about yet and Harry fears that Louis might be right: His impulsive, reckless behaviour could easily have ruined the little freedom they had and he isn't sure they'd survive that. 

Their relationship is still so new, so fragile and Harry feels like it's already about to break apart again, too many challenges blocking their way to become happy.

Right now, it's not a healthy relationship, Harry knows that, both of them bring a lot of baggage into it and they don't seem to be able to navigate through it all without being self-destructive. 

Still, Harry hasn't been so sure about wanting something his whole life and he silently promises himself to work hard on himself and their relationship to change the course they're currently taking. 

Thinking back to the events after Harry almost destroyed everything with his outburst in public makes him cry again. 

Seeing how hurt Louis was - and most likely still is even if he forgave him - and knowing that he was the reason for his pain broke his heart and Harry would have done everything to turn back time and stop himself from being an insensitive asshole. He couldn't though, so he took everything Louis needed to do to feel better without complaining about it.  

Having Louis scream at him, calling him out, was hard but fair and Harry knew it's what he deserved. 

Being used by him later, being taken so harshly, even if Louis asked for consent, ripped something open inside of him though that now needs to be taken care of. He has to take care of it alone, because he would never say anything about it to Louis. He didn't even do it when he asked about it. 

His answer wasn't a lie, not entirely. Sure, the sex was hot, everything about Louis is hot and Harry enjoyed the sensations, but for a second Harry was afraid that Louis would take too much from him and would make him go back to his darkest place. It was a close call when Louis was cold like ice to him after fucking into him and taking him so hard it hurt. 

The physical pain wasn't anything bad for him, Harry enjoyed that really, he sometimes likes it rough, and he would be up to a fuck like that under different circumstances without hesitation, but his emotional pain has almost unbearable und he fought hard with himself to get into the shower with him after everything that happened. 

Mostly because he felt ashamed of his feelings towards their sex. It was hot, Harry enjoyed it and still it triggered something and he couldn't change how he suddenly felt. Why does this always happen? Why can't he just enjoy sex without his past lingering in the back of his mind? 

Seeing Louis cry again when he followed him into the shower made Harry become soft and he pushed away his own drama to save what's still left of them but now that Louis sleeps and Harry once again is alone with his thoughts, he can't stop his thoughts creeping in and making him doubt everything. 

Of course he knows that everything that happened was his own fault, there's no one else to blame, but he still can't shake the feeling that he's been used even if he knows it's not true. Louis was angry, yes. He used sex as an outlet, yes. But he didn't want to hurt him and surely didn't think Harry would feel like that because of it.

Looking at his phone to distract himself from his thoughts he sees two messages and quickly reads them. 

Sam Management

Video Call. 2 pm. Bring Tomlinson. 

Harry swallows heavily, knowing that this call can't mean anything good. He sends an ok back to show that he's read the message. 

The other message is from his sister and makes him cry even harder. 

Gemma

Harry, what happened today? What I've seen online just isn't you. Please give me a call, I'm worried. 

And by the way the asshole of a manager contacted me and told me to be overly sentimental about you writing me a song. To. The. Press. Harry, I don't like what's going on… 

Please talk to me, Gems 

Shit, so Gemma is another person who has to suffer from Harry being an idiot. Great. Pouting down at his phone he decides to not answer her straight away and to wait for the information he'll most likely get during the phone call later. 

Sighing, he decides to stand up and get ready for his work out. He won't get any sleep anyway and the least he can do is show up on time for his training session when Brad already made his way down to London for him. 

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

“Good morning sunshine,” Brad greets him when Harry shows up at the gym. 

“I received instructions to punish you with an extra hard training session today, but it looks like you've already been punished, or am I wrong?” 

Harry just shrugs, running his hands through his hair. 

Sighing, Brad continues, “I'm surprised you showed up at all and you're even five minutes early, so I think we are just gonna ignore my orders and just go for something easy today. Some Yoga and pilates to reduce the tension.” 

“Thank you,” Harry mumbles, feeling like he’d deserve a hard workout but being grateful for Brad's mercy. He is tired, his body aches from the latest workouts and maybe even the rough sex just a few hours ago and he can still feel Louis inside of him with every movement he makes, so going easy might be exactly what he needs this morning. 

During the yoga and pilates session with Brad, Harry appreciates the toned-down approach even more because every movement seems to be too much for him and his aching muscles. 

As they move through the gentle poses, Harry feels the stretch and pull on his muscles, each movement a reminder of the need for balance and self-discipline to somehow make everything right again. 

Brad, though easing off on intensity, guides him through a sequence that demands focus and control. The burn in his muscles becomes a tangible consequence, a reminder of the interconnectedness between physical and emotional well-being.

Despite the physical discomfort, Harry embraces the session as a form of catharsis. The controlled breaths and deliberate movements serve as a balm, helping him find solace amid the echoes of regret. The pain becomes a release, a way to expel the residual tension from both body and mind, leaving room for healing and self-reflection.

His body shivers when Brad ends the training half an hour early. 

“Don't tell anyone I've done this,” he says, squeezing his shoulder. “But I think you've had enough for today. You should rest and if you want, we will take tomorrow off completely. I know I'm often harsh on you but we won't win anything if we destroy you. You should rest.” 

Harry nods in agreement, feeling his eyes water again. His trainer's kindness is unexpected but healing in a way. 

“Thank you, I really appreciate it.”

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

When he opens the door to Louis' house again, he's still asleep and Harry is thankful for that, wanting to start the day with something nice. 

The morning sun spills into the kitchen, casting a warm glow as Harry quietly sets about preparing a surprise breakfast for Louis. Determined to mend the rift created by his jealous outburst yesterday, he moves with a focused yet gentle energy. The aroma of fresh coffee and tea mingles with the enticing scent of sizzling bacon, creating a comforting ambiance.

Harry's hands move skillfully, cracking eggs into a bowl and whisking them with a touch of finesse. The clatter of pans and the rhythmic beat of a whisk against the bowl echo the determination to craft something special. He selects ripe berries and slices vibrant oranges, arranging them with care on a plate, a burst of colour against the backdrop of the kitchen.

As the coffee and tea brews, Harry arranges the breakfast on a tray, a visual symphony of apology and affection. The clinking of cutlery against porcelain punctuates the quiet morning, an unspoken promise of effort and reconciliation.

With everything ready, Harry takes a moment to breathe, glancing at the surprise he's prepared. The breakfast, a tangible expression of his remorse, awaits its recipient. The real surprise, though, lies in the intention behind it – a silent acknowledgment of yesterday's mistakes and a gesture of love meant to rebuild what was momentarily strained.

Harry carefully balances the tray upstairs to Louis' bedroom where his boyfriend still sleeps peacefully. Putting down the tray Harry sits down next to Louis and strokes his face tenderly to wake him up and to his relief he leans into the touch and hugs Harry's middle while slowly building up the motivation to open his eyes.

When he finally looks at Harry, Louis' eyes widen. “What time is it? Did you already work out today?”

He shuffles even closer to him and Harry leans down to give him a quick kiss on the head before telling him that he already met up with Brad for a surprisingly mild training session. 

“I don't care how nice he was today, I still don't like him,” Louis points out, scrunching his nose. He finally seems to pick up on the smell since he sits up abruptly, smelling the air and looking for the source of it. 

“You made me breakfast?” He asks, grinning at him. “Thank you, I'm starving.” 

They settle into the cosy nest of blankets, the tray positioned between them. Harry pours coffee into Louis' and tea into his own cup, the rich aroma wafting through the air.

Louis, catching Harry's eye, reciprocates the smile, a subtle bridge between them.

As they share the first bites, the atmosphere softens and Harry almost forgets about their huge fight. The crunch of toasted bread and the sweetness of fresh berries create a symphony of flavours that mirror the delicate dance of reconciliation. Their eyes meet between sips of coffee, unspoken apologies hanging in the air.

Conversation, initially hesitant, gains momentum with each bite. The tension of yesterday's disagreement dissipates in the comfort of shared breakfast. A lightness fills the room, accentuated by the laughter that punctuates their exchange. It almost feels like Harry has his soulmate back and he almost doesn't dare to tell Louis about the video call that still lies ahead of them.

Only when they finished their breakfast and Louis puts the now almost empty tray to the ground, he builds up the courage and says, “I've got a message from management. They insist on a video call. With both of us. Today.” 

Holding his breath Harry watches Louis closely, taking in his reaction to the news, afraid that the information and the upcoming call will ruin everything they try hard to rebuild. 

Louis seems to be lost in thoughts for a moment before he shakes it off and takes Harry into his arms. 

“Okay. Better to get it over with and see what the consequences are. We'll get through it. Together.” 

A soft smile is shared as Harry and Louis find themselves drawn together in a moment of quiet intimacy. The residue of yesterday's tension dissolves even more as they share a tender gaze, a silent understanding passing between them. Harry, feeling the warmth of the connection, leans in, closing the gap between their lips.

The kiss is soft, a gentle meeting that speaks volumes without words. Harry's hand finds its way to Louis's cheek, his touch tender and reassuring. The room is hushed, the only sound is the subtle symphony of their shared breaths.

Their lips move in a slow dance, a delicate exploration of comfort and forgiveness. It's a kiss that carries the weight of unspoken apologies and the promise of a fresh start. Harry feels a sense of vulnerability and acceptance in the connection, a silent affirmation that bridges the emotional gaps of yesterday.

As they part, the space between them seems to shimmer with newfound understanding. The morning sunlight, now an accomplice in their shared moment, bathes them in a warm glow. The tenderness of the kiss becomes a silent pact, a promise to navigate the complexities of love with a gentleness that transcends the transient struggles of yesterday.

Lying back down they cuddle while talking more about their relationship, acknowledging their struggles and trying to find a way to get over all of this. 

They're so open with each other, so truthful, but Harry still can't open up about the emotional struggle he experiences since last night, fearing too much to hurt Louis once again and pushing him away with his words. 

Instead, they decide to both go to therapy from now on, Harry for his jealousy and Louis for his history with self harm. 

When their words ebb out, everything talked through, the atmosphere shifts once again and Harry leans in once again to share more gentle kisses. 

In the quiet exchange of kisses, Louis deepens the connection with an unspoken intensity. His lips press more fervently against Harry's, seeking a depth of connection that transcends the surface. 

Harry, initially caught in the tender moment, begins to feel a shift in the atmosphere.

As the kiss lingers, Louis' passion intensifies, he can feel it in his changed movements, but for Harry, the comfort begins to wane. An undercurrent of discomfort sets in, a feeling of being overwhelmed by the sudden escalation. The tenderness that marked the initial connection is replaced by a sense of unease and Harry tries hard not to show Louis his inner turmoil. 

Harry, though appreciative of Louis' emotions, finds himself withdrawing inwardly. The room, once a sanctuary of shared intimacy, begins to feel stifling. The kiss, once a mutual exchange, becomes a mismatched rhythm, leaving Harry grappling with a mixture of confusion and a growing need for space.

The energy that once flowed seamlessly between them now carries a nuanced tension.

Louis, engrossed in the heightened emotion of the moment, may not immediately notice the subtle shift in Harry's demeanour, but it doesn't take him long to feel his tension. 

Without hesitation, in a swift yet gentle motion, Louis eases away from the kiss. His eyes, previously closed in the depth of the moment, open to meet Harry's gaze. The room, once charged with the intensity of the connection, now hangs in a suspended quiet.

Louis, attuned to the unspoken language between them, places a reassuring hand on Harry's shoulder. The acknowledgment is wordless but carries a profound understanding. 

As they sit in the aftermath of the interrupted kiss, there's a shared understanding that transcends words. Louis, attuned to Harry's signals, becomes a partner in navigating the complexities of their connection. The room, once filled with passion, now holds a different kind of intimacy – one that acknowledges boundaries and reinforces the importance of mutual comfort in their shared journey.

“Why didn't you tell me how much I hurt you?” Louis finally whispers, his voice thin and insecure. 

“I didn't want to scare you off and hurt you more. You... you didn't do anything wrong and you didn't want to hurt me. I know that. Shit, I even think the sex was hot, I really liked it, but, I don't know. It still hurts. I don't think I can do more than kissing today. I'm sorry,” Harry tries to explain, hating himself for feeling that way about the person he loves. 

“Emotionally or physically?” 

In an attempt of pure honesty, Harry answers, “Both.” 

Quickly, he adds, “But I liked the physical pain.”

“Okay, love. I'm sorry I made you feel that way. I'm really really sorry.” 

Louis starts to cry and that's exactly what Harry was so afraid of happening. Now Harry not only hurt him with his jealousy but also with making him feel that his reaction to it wasn't appropriate. 

“Baby. Don't cry. You have nothing to be sorry for. Really, I told you I want it. Also, I deserved it.” 

When Louis' face turns red and he opens his mouth in disbelief, Harry realises that his words only put more fuel into the fire. 

“What the hell? Harry, that's such a fucked up thing to say. I was angry, yes, and you definitely deserved my anger but you don't deserve any physical or emotional pain. Especially coming from me. I'm sorry, really. I won't ever touch you like that again,” Louis says, obviously angry with himself. 

“Shit, no, I don't want that either. Please don't treat me like I'm fragile now,” Harry hurries to say. “I didn't lie when I said it was hot. I like it rough sometimes and I don't have any problems with feeling you for hours afterwards. Maybe just not in a situation like that. I don't know. It probably doesn't make sense.”

“It doesn't have to. It's how you feel and that's valid. Always.” 

They cry and cuddle together for a while, knowing their conversation about it is far from over but both needing time to process everything, until Harry feels so exhausted that his eyes just don't open again and he falls asleep in Louis' arms. 

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

“I'm sorry to wake you up, dimple heart, but we have to get ready for the phone call,” Louis whispers, stroking his arm in a tender motion. 

They hurry to get presentable, in desperate need to get on management's good side again. 

“Shit, I'm so scared,” Harry confesses and Louis cups his face and breathes a kiss on his lips to give him some comfort. 

Harry leans in more but jumps at the sound of an incoming video call. 

Nervous, they sit down next to each other, sitting close to be in the frame, and connect the call. 

Several windows pop up and Harry winces when he realises that it's not only his team but also Louis'. Everyone looks very serious and neither Harry nor Louis dare to say a word. 

“Thank you for showing up, gents. This little proof of professionalism gives me hope that we can find a solution for the mess you created,” Sam says, shaking his head disapprovingly. 

“It's not on Louis. It was all me,” Harry hurries to say. He doesn't want Louis to suffer from his actions but he knows that it's most likely too late to think about that. 

“Your behaviour was unacceptable and triggered this meeting, but your relationship in general concerns us, so it's not only because of what happened at the gala,” Pete chirms in and it's obvious that their teams already made up their minds and know exactly where they want this to go.

“But I'd like to start at the gala,” Sam intervenes. “Not only did you ruin your hard work on your image - no one believes you're a sweetheart anymore - but with your speech to that song you let some rumours spread that we can't accept.” 

Both, Harry and Louis, nod. They know it's about Larry Stylinson, they've already seen the theories, most of them are even true to an extent. 

“So Louis you'll go out on another date with Florence tonight. Drink a little, kiss like you mean it, maybe grab her bum this time, I don't know. Just make it seem like you're in love,” Pete says and Harry feels Louis' reassuring squeeze on his thigh when he becomes rigid. 

“We are also thinking about extending your contract now, Louis. I know you asked us not to but we have to do something against the rumours now or it'll stick.” 

Harry feels a lump in his throat and watches as Louis' eyes fill with tears. He just nods, not arguing about it. 

“And you, Harry, need a relationship too or at least a couple of pretend one night stands. I know we can't make you have a beard due to your contract. And by now we don't even care if it's a man or woman, you can even be into both officially. But you need to be seen with someone other than Louis, do you understand?” Sandra asks, washing the dirt for Sam.

When Harry opens his mouth to argue, Sam speaks up again. 

“It's non negotiable, Harry. It's your own fault. We can sort out the details some other time, but you should keep in mind that this is the only way to stop those Larry rumours. That, and your rivalry has to become even more obvious. I expect you to practically be at each other's throats publicly.” 

Shit, those consequences will influence their relationship even more and Harry desperately thinks what he can do about it. They still need to figure out so many things and they're barely able to find time for it now. 

“Also, your sister will give an official statement that she feels honoured you wrote a song for her and that she regrets the fight you had before the gala,” Sandra says with a fake smile. 

That does make sense in a way, even if he still thinks it's hilarious to tell everyone this song is about his sister.

Still, he needs them to leave this meeting with something to hold on to, something that gives them hope. 

Drawing in a deep breath Harry decides to be bold today. 

“Okay, I'll try my best to convince everyone that I don't love Louis. But, I was wondering, if I could maybe move to London to have more time with him? This mess happened because I'm a complete idiot but also because we didn't have time to communicate properly. I think it would help. Besides, we have more opportunities for business here anyway.” 

It's a risk and Harry fears a negative answer but to his surprise Sam just says, “Alright. It should be easier to navigate your appointments anyway. But you two don't move in together. You need your own house, at least for the media.” 

That's good, Harry tells himself. 

Louis, who was silent until now, opens his mouth to finally join their negotiation. 

“Thank you for your understanding of everything. We know our love causes a lot of trouble. And to be fair, after yesterday's debacle I feel like Harry and I have to figure out some things to find a way to handle everything in public. Maybe we could get some days off to work through the issues in peace, after showing off my love for Flo of course.”

In that moment Harry sees for how long Louis lives with all of this. Trying to coax something out of them they really don't want to give by framing it with his approval of something he clearly dislikes is smart and it seems to actually work, much to Harry's disbelief. 

For the next thirty minutes they listen to their teams figuring something out and by the end of the call they do have to suffer through some new shit but they also have the prospect of Harry moving to London and two whole days together, starting tomorrow.

They end the call with Pete and Sam reminding them to be professional and stick to their plan like their lives depend on it.

After ending the video call with their management, Harry and Louis exchange a glance that speaks volumes. The air is thick with a mix of tension and hope, the residue of negotiations that carried both consequences and glimpses of optimism. Their eyes meet, holding a shared understanding of the challenges ahead.

Harry, feeling the weight of responsibility for his outburst, finds solace in the fact that they managed to negotiate some terms that offer a glimmer of hope. The room is steeped in a bittersweet atmosphere as they navigate the aftermath of the call.

Louis, his gaze a mirror of resilience and determination, locks eyes with Harry. The unspoken communication carries a silent reassurance – they're in this together, weathering the storm of consequences and embracing the potential for positive change.

As the echoes of the call linger in the room, Harry and Louis share a moment of mixed emotions. The path ahead may be challenging, but maybe they actually have a chance now. 

“I'm sorry for creating this mess and bringing this on us,” Harry still says, his eyes once again tear streaked. 

Unsure of how he'll react about Florence and Louis being even closer and his own upcoming stunts, he still fears their future despite everything. 

“It's okay love, you didn't do it on purpose. Just, don't pull something like that again, okay?” Louis answers while taking out his phone. 

“Let's start right away with hating each other,” he says, already typing a tweet on his phone. 

Harry, who reads his words over his shoulder, even manages to smile at the absurdity of his words. 

Louis Tomlinson

Can we all stop a moment and pity Harry Styles? He's so desperate that no one wants to kiss him, that he fits a tantrum whenever he sees a couple. 

How pathetic. 

Turning around, Louis kisses him as if he wants to show him that his words aren't true.

Chapter Text

Two damaged people, 
trying to heal each other 
is love.

-R. H

The shadows cast by the faint moonlight against the walls of the bedroom and the silhouettes of the furniture make Louis feel like he is hallucinating after lying awake for hours. Or almost as his own worries take shape and move before his actual tired eyes.

Sighing, he turns from his back to his side, his hand automatically finding the back of a stomach-sleeping Harry. Slowly and lightly, he lets his fingertips dance over the bare soft skin, wishing he had never treated his precious dimple heart any other way than as lovingly as he does now.

Louis didn’t realise that he hadn't thought for a second in his rage about what it might do to Harry. As if he didn't know Harry's past and how he was sexually assaulted, he had pounced on him like a wild animal. And even though Harry had always emphasised that he wanted it and even liked it to some extent, his self-hatred has grown immeasurably since that conversation. A loving boyfriend or soulmate would never behave like this and Louis knows he has failed all along the line. He has hurt the person he loves most in this world.

He doesn't even want to get involved with this urge that has been scratching the surface and whispering seductive things to him ever since. Each time, he immediately represses it, just like all the years he was clean before.

And now too. Instead, he prefers to concentrate on how Harry's chest rises and falls gently up and down under his fingers, deeply asleep, his breathing relaxed and sometimes interrupted by quiet mumbling that Louis never understands a single word of. Louis tries to concentrate only on this feeling that only the closeness to his boyfriend gives him. This gentle tingling in his stomach that intensifies and travels through his whole body as soon as he has Harry's full lips on his. Or the pride he feels simply because Harry is his. Louis loves him irrevocably and as quickly as they fell in love, as quickly they hit the ground hard for the first time from their free fall of deep feelings.

But both of them have somehow helped themselves up from their belly landing and Louis wants to do everything he can to ensure that they take their next steps hand in hand, seeing together what their future holds, albeit under new difficult circumstances.

But that's probably the price you have to pay if you've been lucky enough to get to know your person. Nothing in life is easy, and certainly not in the world of show business in which they both find themselves.

Louis is so lost in his thoughts and caresses that he doesn't even notice that Harry is suddenly breathing differently and has woken up.

And so he literally startles when he suddenly hears his voice whispering in the darkness.

"Why aren't you sleeping baby?" Harry asks.

"Go back to sleep, dimple heart. I didn't want to wake you up," Louis says gently, leaning forwards to kiss his shoulder.

"That doesn't answer my question," Harry mumbles back, moving his body closer to him until he's lying in his arms, making sure to bury Louis under him with all his limbs.

Louis is silent and doesn't answer, hoping that Harry will quickly find his way back to sleep in his new position and not ask any more questions. But of course it doesn't work that way. After all, Harry already knows him too well despite the short time.

"I hear you thinking," Harry says after a while, feeling for his face in the darkness until he finds his forehead and strokes it gently. As if he wanted to wipe away his worries and sadness with his hand. If only it were that simple.

"Everything is fine. Go back to sleep my darling," Louis tries again to convince him that he doesn't need to worry.

To be honest, Louis has had enough after the incident, he just wants to be happy with Harry, here in private. And yet he knows very well that being happy doesn't come naturally, it takes a bit of work. And communication.

Louis strokes Harry's hair, trying to lull him back to sleep, but no matter how hard he tries and listens intently to his breathing, Harry is definitely just as awake now. A few more minutes pass before Louis can't stand it any longer.

"No more sleep for us, eh?" he whispers and immediately feels Harry's head nod.

"What's on your mind Lou? Talk to me," Harry asks.

And yes, maybe he really should talk about what's on his mind again here in the cover of darkness with his great love in his arms.

"I'm scared," Louis admits.

"Of what baby?" Harry asks and gives him a kiss on his chest before nuzzling his face in his body again.

"Of a lot of things. Of myself and my own anger that I had. Of having sex with you. Of what I could unintentionally trigger in you. Of you seeing me differently now. From you waking up one morning and deciding to leave. To separate. Because the pressure on us with such a fragile relationship at the moment is too much,“ Louis sighs and can already feel his eyes burning with unshed tears.

"That's a lot. Wow. Thank you for sharing this with me. I just, I don't know how to make it better. I can just tell you that it won't happen. I've never felt anything close to what I feel for you and I know that I don't want to lose you. Never. I promise you that I will work on myself to not make you angry like that in the first place, I'll try, okay?“ Harry says and adds after a few seconds a bit more hushed. „And I don't want you to be afraid to have sex with me. I want us to be close and it's not your fault. It's just me."

Louis turns to the side in his whirlwind of rising emotions, takes Harry firmly around his waist and presses against him. "No darling, it's not just you. We're in a relationship and I've made mistakes too. Can... Can we please talk about sex in more detail? I... I need to know what I'm not allowed to do anymore. Otherwise I'll go crazy. I want to treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Lovingly and with respect, so that it feels good for you. So what are the do's and don'ts?"

Harry seems to think for a moment and the long sigh he lets out streaks through his hair. "You're right. We should have talked about sex sooner. It's just, I don't like talking about it and I already know that my answer will disappoint you."

“No, it doesn't work like that. You have to be honest with me. We're soulmates and I love you more than anything. It... Otherwise it will destroy me in the long run. What if you're unhappy during sex and I'm unhappy because I know that’s exactly how it is. That I hurt you. Mentally or physically. What we have is too precious darling and you have to trust me here that it will be a bigger disappointment if we are intimate and it goes back to the way it was last time than if we are honest now.“

Louis knows he sounds desperate. But it's exactly how he feels. Can't Harry see that the only way they can make their relationship work in the future is with honesty? How could Louis just let it go now that he knows Harry thinks his answer will disappoint him? As if Louis doesn’t know Harry is holding back for his sake. It almost drives him mad.

"You're right, I know you are. But it's not that easy. I wish I could just give you a map or directions but I can't. Sometimes I'm just more sensible and many things trigger me. Just one touch that's usually fine can set me off then and I can't change it. All I can do is tell you when it happens. With rough sex it's the same really. Sometimes I enjoy it initially and suddenly something changes and it doesn't feel good anymore. It always happens from time to time. It's not you, you're just the first one who cares about it."

Louis is so relieved that they are finally talking to each other openly that a tear escapes the corner of his eye. His heart is beating fast and he could just kiss Harry giddily, simply because he has the feeling that everything could be okay. He can't even describe why, but this gives him just enough to breathe more freely again.

"Okay... fuck... um I'd say we should have a safeword. And yeah... tell me when we start what you feel like. Everything is okay for me anyway, the main thing is that I can be close to you. And also in between. I... you... really, nothing is more important to me than that you're okay. But is there anything I'm not allowed to do under any circumstances?"

"I can't be tied up. And I don't want to be called ugly or a slut during sex. And whenever you're not sure, just ask me directly okay? Please don't avoid having sex with me now. I want you, like, all the time."

"As if I could call you ugly," Louis says indignantly. "You're the most beautiful person I've ever seen. And I won’t call you slut or tie you up. I promise. And okay... um... I don't know how quickly I'll feel comfortable topping you again. I think I'd feel better if I were the bottom again the next time we have sex. Is that okay with you?" Louis gnaws nervously on his lower lip while he waits for what Harry has to say. 

"Thank you. You're so patient and it feels like you actually care about that. That's not a given." 

“Of course I care,“ Louis says quickly and earns a misplaced kiss thanks to the darkness against the bridge of his nose. Both start giggling and then Harry adds, "And yeah, I can top if you want. I like both, but you like to top too so please let us try again soon, okay? Under different circumstances it should be fine.“

“Yeah we will try again soon. Just not the next time,“ Louis agrees. “What’s your safeword, dimple heart?“

“Pineapple,“ Harry says without further ado. 

“Okay, pineapple it is,“ Louis smiles and strokes over Harry’s arm which lies over his middle. 

“Do you feel safe now to have sex with me? Has the conversation helped?“ Harry asks and lets his hand wander over his back to his bum, pinching it lightly and makes Louis giggle again. 

“Yeah, it really helped. Hopefully for you too?“

“Absolutely. It was necessary. Thanks for making me talk about it and not holding back. Sometimes that’s what I like to do,“ Harry admits. 

“We’re in this together and we can work on our conversation. Just because we’re soulmates, not all is as easy as falling in love with each other, right?“ Louis thinks out loud. 

“You’re probably right,“ Harry replies and he hears the little smile in his voice. “But baby… I’m really tired. We should sleep. Especially you.“

Louis searches with his hand for his cheek, lifts his head and kisses him tenderly, slowly and nods into their kiss. 

“And here you’re the one who’s right. Good night, love of my life.“

Both cuddle more into each other, no space left between them. Louis feels the rise and fall of Harry’s chest with his eyes closed and feeling finally safe enough and reassured to calm down. The gentle rhythmic noise of Harry slows his own breathing and with Harry’s hand on his hair the soporific effect is irresistible, bringing sleep peacefully to him. 

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

"I've booked something romantic for us today," Louis says as they both put the plates in the dishwasher after their breakfast.

“Oh and what? And when did you book that? And what if someone sees us?” Harry immediately starts babbling and looks at Louis with big eyes, he's so wonderfully cute with his messy bun on his head.

“Tonight when I couldn’t sleep. And no one will see us,” Louis smiles and playfully pokes Harry in his stomach.

"But Lou... are you sure about that?" Harry asks, his concern clearly visible on his face.

"Certainly. It's a private spa here in London, just for the two of us. The only thing we have to pay attention to is getting into the building secretly. But I’ve already made sure that we can get in through the back entrance.”

“Oh my god… I…. I'm so happy. I can't believe it's actually the first time we’re doing something together in public," Harry stammers happily, his cheeks redden with joy and he pounces on Louis, hugging him tightly and placing lots of little kisses on his neck.

“It was long overdue,” Louis responds fondly about this man who is so happy about something really small. “Now up to the bathroom with you. Our booking is in an hour and you know the traffic through London.”

Harry lets go of him, gives him a quick kiss on the mouth and jumps up and down briefly, squealing and clapping his hands, before he runs out of the kitchen and his retreating footsteps can be heard upstairs.

Louis looks after him longingly and giggles quietly. This is exactly how he always wants to see Harry and he vows secretly to himself to make sure that his boyfriend will always be in this state. From his love for the man and the anticipation of their time together, a wave of creativity suddenly comes over him and as he continues to clean up the kitchen, he quietly hums a few words to himself, testing on how they feel when he sings them quietly aloud and tries out different melodies.

Together we're the greatest
We'll never be that cold again
No fallin' all to pieces
We're the greatest
It's you and me until the end
Life for us is never over

Louis knows he has to finish writing this song and quickly jots down this short bit in his notes on his phone. Now he has no more time to do it but it will keep his mind busy when Harry is back in Manchester and he has to fill the lonely hours. He even records a little video just so he doesn't forget the melody he found for it and then goes up to Harry.

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

Hand in hand and smiling broadly, the two enter their private spa, which Louis has rented for several hours, and Louis knows that he has done everything right when Harry gasps quietly at the first look around and then lets out a small, delighted laugh.

“Lou, it’s so great here! Can we move in here? Our own little love bubble without management. Just the two of us," he says then, releasing his hand and slowly walking across the room while Louis locks the door behind them.

But then Louis really looks around and takes in the booked package and the room. To describe it in three words - it is aesthetic, modern and romantic. Of course, Louis only booked the best of the best for his dimple heart

He approaches Harry, who is standing in front of a small table on which there is a heart-shaped cake with red icing, the table itself decorated with balloons and rose petals, as well as a platter of fruit and chocolate. There are also welcome drinks and lots of candles, even a scrub package.

The staff really did a great job and prepared everything lovingly.

"Wow," Louis breathes, wrapping an arm around Harry's waist and marvelling together with him. It's not that Louis is a stranger to luxury, but he still appreciates the details and doesn't take any of his money or fame for granted. He grew up far too destitute for that and so the man at his side and this experience here makes his heart warm and he’s literally buzzing with happiness. 

They both turn around in sync and let their gaze wander over the rest. There is nothing missing here for the next lonely and romantic hours. A small lounge pool and a hot tub lets Louis be sure he'll spend most of his time in there with Harry. At least if he has his way. They also have a sauna, a steam room and the small lounge area where the table with the treats is.

"It's perfect. Where do we start?” Harry smiles and throws his arms around Louis’ neck for the second time that day. Only this time he jumps up and down in front of Louis and thus infects him with his joy so that he jumps along too. And to outsiders, both of them would probably look like crazy people as they cackle loudly, simply because they are so in love and can enjoy this together.

"I don't know, with the little pool maybe?" Louis suggests breathlessly, finally answering Harry's question after they've calmed down.

"Lou, I don't have any swimming trunks with me," Harry says suddenly as his gaze falls on the small lounge pool, whose water looks inviting.

And Louis can't help but giggle. “You don’t need them either. We're all alone here darling. And as if I left them on your beautiful body for a long time anyway.”

Harry blushes like it's the first time he's received a compliment and Louis finds it so endearing.

“You’re right,” he murmurs.

“We will spend the next few hours naked, kissing and just being a normal couple. Not Harry Styles or Louis Tomlinson. Just your idiot and my dimple heart. Okay? Let's shut the world out," Louis smiles and takes his hand, quickly pulling him against his own body and kissing him like his life depends on it. Which is probably not even wrong. Louis' life is intertwined with Harry's, their love an invisible bond between them that in this kiss wraps around the two of them like a protective cocoon.

⏤ᦠ-❤︎︎-ᦟ⏤

Soaking in the heated water of the hot tub, feeling it hug every inch of his skin so gently, breathing into the wet curls of Harry who lays in his arm and has his head resting on his shoulders is Louis' personal heaven. Like a mini-vacation and a place to breathe deeply, to let his inner peace return.

"Harry?" Louis whispers with his eyes closed.

"Hm?" is Harry's only response, sounding almost sleepy again, and Louis opens one eye to peer down at his face.

"Hey dimple heart, are you sleepy? I actually wanted to talk about something with you and I need your full attention."

Harry's nose wrinkles and a small smile appears on his lips, but his eyes remain closed and he snuggles his naked body even closer so that a few of the bubbles splash onto his face.

"You have my attention. My eyes just need a rest," Harry replies with a little yawn that looks so cute Louis could eat him up.

"We were thinking about using our insults as codewords in public and they actually mean something else," Louis explains, pecking Harry's forehead but he suddenly perks up, opens his eyes and looks wide awake.

"Oh yes, let's think about it together," he exclaims happily. "Or rather, I've already got a few ideas!"

Louis nods with a smile. "Okay then, lay it on me."

Harry raises his hand and for every finger he lifts, he happily babbles out his ideas.

"You're the absolute worst - I love you.“

"Pathetic means beautiful."

"You're a pain in the ass - I miss you."

"You're a disaster or loser - you're amazing."

And when only his little finger is left to lift comes Harry's final suggestion.

"Second best - wonderful... although no, I don't like that. Maybe you'd prefer it to be true love or soulmate?"

Louis stares in wonder at this man who is so creative that he is momentarily lost for words. 

"Okay... wait a minute. When I hear this... what do the lyrics of Sign of the Times really mean, Mr Subtle?"

Harry laughs out loud and slaps his hand over his mouth before giving Louis a light pat on the chest. "You're mean. And by the way, I really mean it. No hidden message!"

"Can't really believe you," Louis grins and wags his eyebrows, splashing some water in Harry’s face with his hand so that they both find themselves in a brief water fight shortly afterwards and then meet up in a kiss, which they giggle into.

"Okay, back to the topic. I'm in favour that second best means soulmate," Louis grins as they find themselves back in their old positions. Harry safe and snuggled in Louis' arm as he strokes Harry's chest this time and starts to play with his nipple.

Harry nods. "Okay. I think it's perfect! And I've got another idea!"

"Keep it coming," Louis smiles.

"Couldn't care less - thinking about you ... what do you think of that?"

"I think it's great. But I also think that's enough now, we have our bracelets for everything else and we can write or call each other privately. I hope I can remember everything anyway," Louis says, grimacing so that Harry laughs quietly. "And I hope you know that I don't mean any of the insults seriously anyway."

Harry nods. "Yes, I know that. Even if my insecurities come out sometimes but... I know you love me baby. And I love you just as much."

"Aww dimple heart, come here and kiss me!" Louis coos.

And Harry does just that. He crawls onto his lap, sitting with his legs apart on him, and even though their bare cocks are touching in that position, there is nothing sexual about it. It's pure love that Harry puts into his kiss, security that he gives him as he gently holds Louis' face in his hands, making his stomach do somersaults once again.

That Louis is this amorous to Harry is like an intoxication, and yet he knows he is not only his soulmate and boyfriend but also ever his best friend and fierce protector too. Love should always feel like this, literally a bundle-package, and their bond and chemistry tells him that Harry's the one. Their infatuation has become Louis' safety ropes, as if he's a trapeze artist and Harry is all that keeps him from tumbling down.

And in his mind the snippet of his new unfinished song begins to play. As he detaches himself from Harry, he can't help but whisper against his lips, "Together we're the greatest."

Chapter Text

Little things seem like nothing, but they give peace, like those meadow flowers which individually seem odorless but all together perfume the air.

- Georges Bernanos

Harry doesn't want their shared time at their spa to end but as always it's over too soon. They spent the rest of their time kissing, joking around, massaging each other and they even used the sauna for a little while but Harry is once again reminded that he just can't enjoy sitting around in a small cabin that's hotter than hell. With Louis though, it was okay and he almost didn't care about the heat, too concentrated on his carefree laughter. 

Harry has never really seen him like that. Publicly he always holds back and doesn't show his beautiful, quirky personality and in their limited time too many things darkened his soul. When he is like that, carefree and so himself, Harry could just sit there and admire him for hours. 

Which he does, shamelessly even. Not only in the sauna, but also on their drive back to Louis’ house. 

From the outside he must look like a total weirdo, staring intently and even trying to avoid blinking to not miss a thing. 

Gazing deeply into the enchanting countenance of his beloved, he finds himself captivated by the ethereal beauty that graces Louis' features, as though beholding a wondrous being from realms touched by magic.

“Love? Are you with me?” Louis asks, squeezing his knee lightly. He looks concerned so Harry guesses that he missed a little more while just staring at him. 

“Sorry, baby. I zoned out. You're so beautiful and I just love to see you like this. We need more time for us,” Harry says, sighing heavily, his thoughts already drifting back to their upcoming challenges. 

Blushing, Louis looks deep into his eyes and replies, “Thank you. You're even more beautiful. Fuck, if you could see yourself glowing with happiness. It's the best sight I've ever had. Let's just enjoy every second we have, okay?” 

They need this, Harry reminds himself, pushing his thoughts away. They really need their allotted time together to find themselves as a pair, turning their fragile relationship into a strong bond. In this moment he decides to just enjoy the little things they have instead of looking at the greater picture and longing for more. 

“You're right. Let's do this. You know what? I want to spoil you tonight. I'll go buy all your favourite food and make us a really nice dinner. And then we build a fort in the living room with lots of cuddly blankets and fairy lights and a movie of your choice. How does that sound?” 

Louis' face lights up once again which makes Harry's heart pound faster and he knows he's staring again. 

“Perfect,” Louis breathes as he throws himself into Harry's waiting arms.

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤ 

After dropping Louis off, Harry heads out to grab a bunch of unhealthy snacks for himself and Louis. Not that any of this is usually on his meal plan but Louis just loves greasy fast food. Someday soon Harry has to cook for Louis to show him how delicious healthy food can be, but tonight he doesn't want to waste a second in the kitchen. 

On his way to a supermarket he strolls through the crowded streets, attracting attention. For the first time Harry notices people recognising him on the streets and some girls even want a picture with him. It’s new and at first he feels very insecure and shy but with each picture, it gets easier to smile more openly. 

Still, he tries to keep every interaction short, too focused on getting back to Louis who waits for him at his house. 

Harry picks out a mix of guilty pleasures from the store shelves, aiming to satisfy their cravings with a laid-back night of snacking and enjoyment. The bags he carries aren't just filled with junk food; they're packed with the simple pleasure of sharing a casual, tasty evening with Louis. 

Heading back he makes sure to cover his face and hair to not draw too much attention to where he's going. He really underestimated his new reality, where he's recognised too often to sneak through London in peace. 

Feeling his phone vibrate, he takes it out and smiles dumbly at the notification that Louis Tomlinson tweeted and tagged him. 

Louis Tomlinson

Harry Styles is such a loser. 

A pain in the ass. I couldn't care less about him and honestly don't understand why you're all so drawn to him. 

Harry laughs at how many codewords he tried to pack into one little tweet, but he gets the message: He better hurries the fuck up to get back to his soulmate who still seems to be desperate for closeness. 

Grinning, Harry types out a reply. 

Harry Styles. 

Since you're always tweeting about me like the pathetic loser you are, it seems that you're really desperate for my attention. 

You're the absolute worst. 

Pocketing his phone again Harry almost runs back to Louis, to the person who already feels like his home, not wanting to let him wait a second longer. 

When he rings on the door Louis opens it instantly, hauling him in and guiding him to the living room where Louis already built a pile of blankets and pillows for their fort. 

“What took you so long?” Louis asks impatiently, but smiling. He doesn't wait for an answer and instead grabs the bags from Harry's arms and looks inside as if it's Christmas and he opens something he wished for for ages. His eyes light up even more when he sees what Harry got them. 

“Oh, I love your way of thinking. It's just everything. Like in Gilmore Girls when they just eat everything available until they're sick.” 

Giggling, Harry plants a quick kiss on Louis' smiling lips, unable to resist his cuteness a second longer. 

“Come on baby, let's build the best fort ever,” Harry says, grinning. 

“Hell yeah, I haven't done this in ages but as a child I was a pro.”

And Harry wouldn't doubt it. 

He watches in awe as Louis skillfully arranges blankets and pillows, transforming the living room into a cosy haven. Louis, seemingly a fort-building maestro, drapes blankets strategically, securing them with expertly placed pillows to create a fort of comfort. The warm glow of fairy lights intertwines with the blankets, casting a soft and romantic ambiance within their makeshift haven.

Underneath the fort, they assemble the TV and the assortment of tempting snacks Harry had bought for them earlier. Laughter fills the room as they collaborate, their hands working in tandem to bring their imaginative shelter to life. Louis, with a precision that suggests fort-building prowess, effortlessly coordinates the elements.

Every now and then, Harry pauses to watch Louis with a gleam of admiration in his eyes. He marvels at the way Louis approaches each detail, his dedication evident in the meticulous arrangement of blankets and the careful placement of fairy lights. The air buzzes with a sense of shared joy and anticipation, as the fort becomes a testament to the simple pleasures of togetherness.

Once the fort is complete, they settle down amidst the softness of blankets and the warm glow of fairy lights. They lie side by side, cuddling into the comforting cocoon they've created and always touching somehow. The ambiance is a perfect backdrop for the intimacy of shared moments.

With snacks in hand, they indulge in the assortment of treats. The sound of crunching chips and occasional laughter fills the air as they savour the flavours, relishing the simple joy of each bite. Their conversation flows effortlessly, ranging from lighthearted banter to more profound topics.

As they talk, Harry steals glances at Louis, his heart warmed by the ease of their connection. The fear and pain momentarily forgotten, they both enjoy their time together. 

Louis' laughter is a melody that resonates in the fort, and Harry finds himself captivated by the nuances of their shared experience. In the dim light, their silhouettes intertwine, creating a scene of tranquillity and contentment.

The fort becomes a sanctuary for them, a space where the outside world fades away, leaving room for the intimacy of being together. They cherish the little things – the shared snacks, the gentle touches, and the unhurried conversations that weave the fabric of their connection. In this cosy haven, time seems to slow down, allowing them to revel in the beauty of the present moment.

In the soft glow of fairy lights within their fort, Harry and Louis find themselves caught in a moment of quiet intimacy. The hushed murmurs of conversation gradually fade, replaced by a subtle tension that lingers in the air. Harry turns to Louis, his gaze lingering on the warmth in those familiar eyes.

A gentle smile plays on Louis' lips as he leans in, closing the space between them. The atmosphere is charged with anticipation as their breaths mingle. Time seems to stand still for a heartbeat before their lips meet in a tender and romantic kiss.

The world outside their fort melts away as their connection deepens in that stolen moment. The taste of the shared snacks lingers on their lips, a sweet reminder of the simplicity and beauty found in the small, cherished moments. In the quiet cocoon of their fort, the kiss becomes a testament to the unspoken language of love that flourishes between them, echoing the warmth that surrounds them in the soft embrace of their makeshift haven.

In the cosy enclave of their fort, the dim glow of fairy lights casts a romantic haze over the scene. The world outside fades away as their kiss becomes a symphony of desire, a fusion of tender affection and fiery passion.

“I hate myself for ruining this moment, but I really need the loo,” Harry says as he breaks the kiss, feeling himself blush. It's not the romantic situation he aimed for but he really has to go now or it'll be too late. 

Harry hurries to the bathroom and on his way back he fetches a bottle of wine for them, just in case. 

Going back to their fort he sees his phone lighting up and quickly checks it. It's a notification that Louis Tomlinson replied to his tweet. 

Louis Tomlinson

Fuck you! 

While he reads it whils shaking his head a private message from Louis comes in and grinning, Harry quickly opens it. 

Soulmate <3

I hope you know what the message really means: Come back and fuck me :)

Such a cheeky little shit, Harry thinks as he glances down at the messages, his smile widening. 

Does that mean he really wants to try having sex again or did he just think it's funny? Harry doesn't know, both could be true, but he really hopes that it's the first one. 

When he enters the fort again Louis has a mischievous grin on his face. He looks at Harry while stroking his cock over the fabric of his sweats. 

“I missed you, dimple heart. You always leave me alone.”

Louis says it playfully and Harry knows it's not really an accusation but rather a show of affection. 

“Look at you, baby. You look gorgeous. My beautiful, perfect boyfriend.” 

When Harry rushes to be close to him again, lying down next to him, there's a palpable shift in the air. Their eyes meet, and an unspoken understanding passes between them. The initial contact of their lips is tender, a delicate exploration after the brief separation, like rediscovering the familiar in a momentary absence.

The softness of the kiss evolves gradually into something more intense. Grabbing Louis' hip he presses their bodies together as close as possible, enjoying the feeling of Louis' hard cock through their clothes. 

Their lips part and find each other again with a growing hunger, tongues playing in each other's mouths hungrily, a magnetic force pulling them closer. 

Their breaths synchronise, and the warmth of their connection deepens with every passing second.

What started in a gentle exchange of kisses transforms into a wild, unrestrained celebration of being close to each other. 

When Louis’ hand wanders down Harry's body and lets his fingers slide over his cock he moans out, pressing his hip forward to get more friction. 

Smiling against his lips Louis mumbles, “So needy.”

Playfully Harry breaks their kiss and moves away, breaking their contact, to prove a point and it doesn't take Louis long to follow him. When Louis grabs him and shuffles close Harry says, grinning, “Now who is the needy one?”

Groaning, Louis presses his lips against Harry's once again and when Harry doesn't stop giggling, he gives him a playful slap on his ass and says, “Fine. We're both needy. Now stop this and concentrate. I'm on a mission to get your dick inside of me. You should take it more seriously.” 

Although fighting it, the thought of having sex being a mission causes Harry to laugh even harder and this time Louis laughs with him.

“Sorry, baby. I ruined the mood. Let's go on this mission you mentioned,” Harry states when his laughter finally ebbs out. 

“I don't think you ruined anything,” Louis answers as he takes his hand and guides it to his still hard cock. 

His ability to change the atmosphere so fast and switch from joking around to seducing him amazes Harry and he feels his cock responding to it in excitement. 

Hungrily he pulls Louis in, pressing their lips together while grabbing his ass. 

The air is charged with a magnetic energy as their lips meet, the gentle dance evolving into a heated exchange of longing and desire.

They navigate the contours of each other's mouths with an intimate familiarity, tongues intertwining in a rhythmic exploration. The rustle of blankets beneath them echoes the fervour of their connection, each touch adding to the symphony of shared ardour.

They only part to take off their shirts, desperate for each other's body heat. 

Fingers trace along skin, and the boundary between them and any negative thoughts blur in the heat of the moment. Soft sighs and whispered endearments mingle with the passionate symphony, creating a scene where time seems to bend to the rhythm of their shared desire.

When Harry breaks their kiss to nibble at Louis' neck, he leans back to give better access and  moans out loud. “Fuck, I want you.” 

Harry grins against his neck but doesn't let Louis rush him, wanting this moment to be something special for them. 

He takes his time to bite and suck Louis' neck until the skin gets purple under his lips. 

“Beautiful. Now you're mine,” Harry says, satisfied when he looks at the hickey which shows prominently on his neck and won't get overlooked when they leave their little bubble again. 

“I've been yours all along,” Louis answers and bends his back when Harry kisses his way down, licking each nipple with a gentle flick of his tongue. 

When he reaches Louis' stomach, his hands fumble with his waistband to gain access to where his mouth belongs. In a swift movement he pulls down his joggers and briefs. Looking at Louis' cock, hard, twitching and his tip already glistening, Harry feels his mouth water. He sticks out his tongue to taste Louis' pre-cum and when he circles the head of his cock Louis begs him, “Just take me into your mouth. Please, Harry. I need this. Now.” 

He sounds so desperate that Harry obeys and slowly takes the tip of his cock into his mouth, sucking eagerly.  

When Louis fidgets around he gets the message and fully takes him into his mouth, beginning to suck up and down without wasting any more time. Using his hand to steady Louis' cock Harry sucks harder, enjoying the feeling of soft skin in his mouth. 

When Louis' hips thrust up, Harry gags around him, surprised by the sudden movement. 

“Fuck, sorry. I wasn't thinking. Is everything alright,” Louis says, his voice panicked. 

Letting go of his cock for a second Harry looks him deep into the eyes and gives him a reassuring smile. “Yes, everything's perfect.” 

Holding Louis' stare he licks his shaft while using one hand to massage his balls and the other to pump the base of his cock. 

“Fuck,” Louis cries out when Harry once again takes him into his mouth and begins to suck him in a fast rhythm. Harry continues to look up even when Louis throws his head back and he can't see his eyes anymore. 

While he changes rhythm he watches Louis closely, wanting to memorise every reaction to find out how to drive him crazy. 

When he finds a movement that makes Louis shiver and scream Harry continues like that for a while but when he feels Louis' cock throbbing and yearning for an orgasm Harry lets go of his cock completely and instead wanders further down. 

Instinctively, Louis opens his legs wide for him, creating a space for Harry who now spreads his cheeks and licks over his hole. 

“I can't believe you're all mine,” Harry mumbles before sucking around his hole lightly. He continues eating Louis out for what feels like hours, switching between small kisses, licking and sucking and only when Louis curses at him for not being inside of him half an hour ago he lets go and blindly searches for the lube Louis brought in earlier just in case.

He coaxes his fingers with lube and uses his wet hand to stroke Louis' cock for a moment before he lets his finger glide down and over Louis' tight hole Harry wants to possess with his cock. He's so hard it almost hurts and while Harry presses his knuckle in he moves his hip to get some friction for his own. 

Louis moans and presses down against his finger, obviously too impatient to wait for Harry's slow movements anymore. 

“I want you. Come on. Hurry up,” he moans out when Harry's finger is fully into him and he begins to move it in and out in a slow, steady rhythm. 

“So impatient. Don't worry. I will fill you up soon, God, I can't wait to feel your tight hole clenching around me,” Harry says, adding a second finger and reaching for the spot that drives Louis crazy. 

“Then what are you waiting for?” He presses out through clenched teeth after moaning out Harry's name so loud, he's sure it could be heard outside. 

To make Louis happy he hurries to open him up, pressing in a third finger inside quickly and fucking in and out of him with his fingers until he thinks Louis is ready for him. 

Louis gasps when he suddenly removes his fingers but when he looks into his eyes he sees nothing more than lust. 

While lubing his own cock, Louis stretches his legs and wraps them around Harry's back when he positions himself between him. 

Looking deep into Louis' eyes he slowly presses in and stops when he draws in a sharp breath. He feels Louis relaxing around him and presses in further, watching his reaction closely. When he bottoms out Louis closes his eyes and lets his head roll back. 

With his purple mark on his neck it's one of the most beautiful pictures Harry has ever seen and he wishes he could look at that sight forever. 

He can't though because after taking his time preparing without any friction for his throbbing dick, he is in desperate need of movement right now. 

Leaning down, Harry kisses his neck when he starts to slowly move in and out. With every thrust he feels his orgasm build inside of him and after just a few minutes of thrusting into Louis, their shared moans almost push him over the edge. In the last second he stops his movements and concentrates on his breathing to not come directly. 

With a knowing smile Louis reaches for his hair and pulls him into a wet, eager kiss. 

“Let me ride you,” he whispers against his lips and Harry knows the sight alone will most likely kill him.

They quickly switch positions and when Louis kneels over him and sinks down on his cock Harry lets out a noise that sounds more animal than human. 

Without giving him a break Louis starts to move up and down in a quick rhythm, taking all of Harry in. Harry watches how his cock moves along Louis' thrusts and can't move his gaze away from the glistening tip. 

When Louis' movements become less coordinated, Harry grabs his hips and thrusts up to meet his movements halfway. They find a rhythm of quick hard thrusts and Harry can't hold back anymore. 

When Louis moves down again, Harry holds him in place, screaming out and cumming hard. His cock twitches for a long time, filling Louis with cum. 

When Louis reaches for his cock to touch himself Harry slaps his hand away and says, “No. I want to taste you. Fuck my mouth.” 

Louis' eyes widen in surprise and he asks him if he's sure about that before moving up until his cock finds his way into Harry's mouth again. 

When Harry moans and begins to suck eagerly, Louis moves hesitantly at first but when Harry grabs his ass to encourage him, Louis finally lets go and fucks into him in a rhythm that soon takes him over the edge.

When Louis comes, Harry sucks everything out of him, swallowing every single drop of cum Louis gives him. 

“God, you're so hot. I've never been so horny for anyone or anything,” he says when Louis moves down into his arms again. His cock is still half hard and he can't believe he would actually be ready for a second round again so soon. 

“Not even the pictures of Louis Tomlinson you mentioned briefly in our chat?” Louis asks with a wink and Harry blushes at the memory of him losing his shit over the pictures not knowing that his W. actually is Louis. 

“I've always known you're mine,” is his only answer and Louis leans closer to kiss him lazily. They continue kissing for a few minutes but they're both really tired and even if they don't want to waste their time together with sleep they soon drift off, not an inch of their bodies not touching. 

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

Their next morning starts with an argument, but Harry isn't concerned about it and instead tries hard not to laugh at all of this. 

“Why would you do this, you're a monster,” Louis whines, blocking Harry's path and looking at Harry as if he plans something terrible. 

Holding up his hands he says, “Relax, baby. I just wanted to help you take down the fort.” 

“Nope. It's not going anywhere,” he states. 

Louis, with a mischievous glint in his eyes, decides to take a stand, quite literally, against Harry's plan to dismantle their fort. Seated cross-legged in the middle of their cosy haven, he declares a one-man blockade with an air of determined defiance.

Blankets draped around him like a makeshift fortress cape, Louis raises an eyebrow at Harry, challenging him to proceed with the fort takedown mission. It's a scene that teeters on the edge of absurdity, but Louis is dead serious about preserving the fort's sanctity.

As Harry contemplates the logistics of breaking down the fort, he's met with Louis' unyielding resistance. With a theatrical flourish, Louis dramatically declares, "Thou shall not pass!" in a voice that echoes through their blanket kingdom, leaving no room for negotiation.

Harry, caught between laughter and a genuine sense of admiration for Louis' commitment to the cause, realises that the fort isn't going down today. 

“And what do you do when someone visits you?” Harry sighs, sitting down in front of the fort's guardian. 

“I'll just buy a couch for the guestroom. Problem solved,” he exclaims and frowns at Harry who can't hold back a second longer and gently kisses the frown off his face. 

“Okay, my little idiot,” he says and pulls him into a hug.

Chapter Text

"Don't try to be what you're not. 
If you're nervous, be nervous. 
If you're shy, be shy. It's cute."

- Adriana Lima

After both of them have cuddled a little more in their nest on pillows and blankets and Louis really doesn't want to part from their little love cave - because he can already feel his boyfriend's approaching farewell beating really sorely in his heart and if he only stays long enough here in his delusion and burrows in here with him, then he doesn't have to let him go anytime soon, right? Right!

Completely logical. Louis smiles at himself and his thoughts, amused, and places a kiss on Harry's curls, who lies in his rightful place with his head on his chest.

“Mhm, the time alone with you feels so good,” Harry murmurs, pulling the woollen blanket over them even further up so that he can only just breathe through his nose.

"I know. Don't want to let you go. What do you think about just throwing everything away and getting fake IDs and going on a road trip through different countries where nobody knows us?" Louis asks, grinning and just a little bit serious. He loves his job, his music and the fans - no question about it, but that also sounds a bit tempting.

“Hmm no, I want to make music for a little longer,” Harry replies as if he had taken Louis’ suggestion completely seriously. And then he suddenly lifts his head and looks at Louis, grinning broadly. “But that’s a great idea for a story. I basically have the entire plot in front of me right now! Except Louis is a total badass and is running away from his old life and his family. And Harry is his charming self. Just like the real one.”

“What?” Louis laughs out loud. “Why do I have to suffer again in one of your fanfiction?”

“That's how it works. You can write your own Larry story and make me suffer,” Harry wiggles his eyebrows and places a kiss on the tip of his nose.

“Oh believe me I will. I will make you totally straight and make you live in denial. Until I come and turn your head," Louis grins and immediately grabs his phone, which is next to him, and writes his latest plot idea into his notes app while Harry chuckles quietly to himself.

“Just look at us, we find inspiration in the smallest things,” Harry finally smiles as Louis puts his phone away again.

“You are my biggest inspiration, baby. My muse, so to speak," Louis replies and meets Harry in a kiss, letting their tongues play with each other with pleasure when out of nowhere he gets a completely different idea.

"Darling... um, it's very spontaneous, I know, but I have an idea," he says quietly as he puts space between their faces but begins to gently stroke Harry's hair.

"Oh okay and what?" Harry asks curiously.

“How about I take you to Manchester and we could set off straight away. Then we could... well... um... I don't know, it's probably too early," Louis stammers and blushes, finds his idea stupid now and is afraid that he's rushed into it too much.

“First tell me what it’s about, baby,” Harry giggles and looks at him so lovingly that Louis immediately knows why he loves him. Harry always makes him feel like he can discuss anything with him, and can just be with him.

“We talked about wanting to get to know our families,” Louis begins to explain his idea and when Harry nods and his eyes already start to shine with joy, he feels confirmed to continue talking. “And we could combine that today? I could drive you to Manchester. If you want? And your family wants it as well?” he then adds a little more uncertainly.

“Oh yes please let’s do just that! This is such a great idea. I can’t wait to show you off to my family and introduce you as my boyfriend,” Harry squeaks, already jumping up, which makes Louis laugh. "Come lets go. Let’s go straight away!”

“But don’t you want to ask first if your family has time?” Louis asks, a little irritated, but also sits up.

“They have to have time to spare. I'll write to them immediately," Harry exclaims happily and is already rushing upstairs to probably pack up his things.

Louis laughs quietly to himself as he follows him more slowly and actually finds Harry in the bedroom again. At that very moment, he packs two of Louis' worn shirts into the small bag he had with him.

With his arms folded across his chest, Louis leans against the door frame and raises his eyebrows in mock seriousness.

“Harry Styles, you little thief!” he exclaims loudly, startling Harry, who had not noticed him, too occupied singing quietly to himself and engrossed in his theft.

“Heeeeey! What's yours is also mine!" he exclaims indignantly, so that Louis only curls his lips.

"We're not married yet, dimple heart," he finally grins with amusement and goes to his wardrobe, rummages for one of his largest and warmest hoodies and puts it in Harry's bag too.

"That's true, but sometimes we act like an old married couple," Harry grins and then pulls him close, putting his arms around his neck and rubbing the tips of their noses together.

"You think so? I think we behave like lovesick idiots with a penchant for drama,” Louis winks. “And that hoodie there, you put it on in the evenings and think about me, understood?”

Harry huffs. “Bossy are we? And as if I could think of anything but you.”

"That's the Louis Tomlinson effect, everyone falls for it at some point," Louis grins, slapping his own bottom as he twists out of Harry's embrace to dress up for his future mother-in-law and sister-in-law.

“Oh you cheeky little fucker,” Harry laughs loudly. “I’m curious to see if you have that effect on my family too. We’ll find out soon.”

And with that, the nervousness about the upcoming meeting begins to spread like a wildfire through his body. How could he make this suggestion himself? Louis isn't ready to get disappointed looks from them. What if they hate him? And then Harry doesn't want anything to do with him anymore? And then he dies, heartbroken and alone as an old man.

Louis throws a quick glance over his shoulder at Harry, who just stands there watching him with a wry smile. And he looks far too smug and good for his own good.

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

Louis
Help! I'm meeting Harry's family today. I think I'm going to throw up or faint.


Lottie
Oh god Louis, don't act like that! And when will we meet Harry? That's unfair! How can you choose his family over us? I feel let down. That's not nice of you, brother!
 

Lottie
Love you anyway. x


Louis
Lottie! Can you be less dramatic and calm me down instead of accusing me? You'll get to know him soon, I promise! Love you too x


Lottie
Oh we will. Faster than you think.


Louis
What are you up to?


Louis
Hello?


Louis
Lottie?


Louis
Fuck…

 

With a bad feeling, Louis puts his phone in his pocket and puts out his cigarette, which he smoked quickly before getting into the car with Harry to drive to Manchester. Harry is already sitting in the car and keeps looking excitedly outside or typing away on his own phone.

But as soon as he sits next to his boyfriend in the car and is immediately attacked by him with a wild kiss and clearly too many curls on his face and between their lips, all his stress and fear is forgotten. How could everything not be okay with this man by his side?

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

“Oh my God, I feel sick! I've never been as nervous to meet my boyfriend's family as I am to meet yours," Louis whispers as they park in front of Harry's mother's house. He can't even look up anymore but stares stubbornly at his legs, which are fidgeting nervously.

"Awww, that's because I'm the last boyfriend whose family you'll meet," Harry coos confidently and when Louis takes a quick sideways glance at him he sees him holding back his laughter.

Louis groans. “It's great that you're enjoying the situation! At least one of us. I feel like I won’t be able to breathe anymore!”

“Lou, calm down. You're already very pale. Everything will be fine. What are you afraid of?” Harry asks, still smiling, but puts a hand on his and gives it a reassuring squeeze.

“That they hate me. That they realise that I'm not good enough for you. Just alone because of the public diss. I mean okay, they probably know it's fake... oh god, they know that right? Please say you cleared this up with them,” Louis exclaims, looking at Harry with a wild expression.

Harry nods. “Of course they know that. Please don’t worry so much. You have no idea how much I raved about you to them. They know exactly how much I love you. And you me."

“Okay, wow… good. But still! I get weird and clumsy when I'm nervous. And I'm damn nervous!” Louis whines and buries his face in his hands.

"Oh my God, I don't even know you like that, baby, please take a deep breath in and out, I feel like you're going to collapse," Harry now says pitifully and leans over to him, takes his hands away from his face and looks into his eyes.

“They will like you. I promise you! Mum and Gemma have the same gene pool, they'll probably love you within the next hour."

Louis sighs deeply and long and is about to kiss Harry when he sees the front door open. "Oh my God. There's your mother! Do you see? The first bad impression is because we can't get in and I'd rather panic here in the car. Fuck!”

Harry just rolls his eyes in amusement and sits back in his seat, waves to his mother and then jumps out of the car the next second.

"Traitor. You can't leave me here alone," Louis grumbles quietly to himself and watches as Harry happily hugs his mother, who has already come towards the car.

Louis takes a deep breath and then gets out himself. He notices how wet from sweat his hands have become and quickly wipes them on his pants, but to no avail. Harry's mother will hate it if he extends his sweaty hand to her right away. He briefly thinks about how to avoid this by simply hugging her, but they are just getting to know each other. As he approaches the other two his thoughts are racing and when he finally reaches them he stands shyly next to Harry and no longer feels like the self-confident man who sings songs in front of thousands of people.

Harry immediately puts an arm around his waist. “Mum, this is Louis, my boyfriend. And Louis, that’s my mum.”

Louis gives her his hand but immediately pulls it back, which makes Harry’s mother's smile disappear from her face and an irritated look appears instead. Nevertheless, she answers politely while Harry looks at Louis in surprise.

"Hello, nice to meet you. I'm Anne. Is everything okay?”

Louis giggles nervously, which then turns into a cough because he choked on his own spit out of excitement. "Yes, everything is okay. Sorry I didn't mean to remove my hand. But I um... I didn't want to touch you with my sweat. Harry certainly doesn't mind, he loves everything about me and even that. Yes, um, exactly, but I thought my sweat would be too much for the first meeting. Not that I think I want to exchange in general sweat with you in the future," Louis mumbles nervously and finally lifts his head to the sky and closes his eyes. “Please can someone stop me?”

Harry and Anne both laugh at the same time and he gets a kiss pressed to his temple. “Baby you really need to stop. What nonsense are you talking about?”

And then directed to his mother. “Louis is very nervous but never really like that. I hope that his cheeky and charming nature will come to the fore soon.”

And with that he pinches his waist and Louis smiles apologetically at Anne, his cheeks aflame.

She just pats his cheek lovingly. “Come in, you two. Louis in the hallway is a guest toilet... If you want to wash your hands. Maybe it’ll make you feel better.”

She then turns around with a wink and Harry cackles quietly before pulling Louis into a kiss.

“You’re cute when you’re nervous. I love you,” he murmurs, smiling against his lips before deepening the kiss again.

Louis sighs. "I love you too. Let’s go in and don’t keep her waiting any longer.”

And so they both enter the house hand in hand and while Harry goes to look for his mother, Louis actually washes his hands first.

Because of his shame, he can't even look at himself in the mirror over the sink because of his first words to Harry's mother and instead scolds himself mentally while he cleans his hands extra thoroughly.

Just as he is about to reach for the doorknob he hears the doorbell ring and he stops. Just a few seconds later he hears Harry and a female voice.

“Gems! Shit, I’m so glad to see you again!” Harry shouts and Louis mentally braces himself for the next meeting.

“Hi Harry. Where is the man that sweet creature really was written about? I still can’t believe management let me write such nonsense.”

And that's probably Louis' cue to get out. He quickly opens the door and steps out. Harry and his sister's heads immediately snap to him and he breathes out the next words. “Hi, I’m sweet creature.”

"Oh God, Lou, you're so cute," Harry whispers, looking fondly at him.

Gemma, on the other hand, just rolls her eyes at Harry but smiles kindly at Louis. He quickly approaches her and of course his nervousness gets the better of him again.

"Nice to meet you. By the way, my hands are freshly washed and no longer sweaty after I just exchanged it with your mother. And fuck, you can really misunderstand that. And shit, I should stop swearing. Did I say shit again? Fuck. Oh my God."

Gemma just laughs while Harry continues to look at him shaking his head and his eyes shine very fondly. They can even hear Anne's distant laughter and Louis literally cringes, it makes him so uncomfortable.

“Is he always like this?” Gemma asks her brother.

“No, but I also think this version is really cute. Do you mind if I write another song about him and use you as an alibi again?” Harry asks, lacing his fingers with Louis’. He has decided to remain silent from now on. No more words will pass his lips.

Gemma grimaces, closes the door and pushes them both further into the house with one of her hands on their shoulders.

“Mum, your favourite child is here!” Gemma shouts loudly and immediately receives a little push from Harry.

Louis, who is happy that the attention isn't on him for a moment, watches with a grin as the siblings break out into a little fight. And at this moment he misses his own siblings very much. That's exactly how it is with them as well. Loving but always teasing.

“You two again,” Anne laughs as she steps out of the kitchen and opens her arms for Gemma.

Louis starts looking around the living room and sees some pictures on a large shelf. Curious, he approaches it and his eyes immediately fall on a picture of Harry as a little boy dressed in a Dalmatian costume.

“Oh God, you were so cute,” Louis marvels and looks at Harry who has already come next to him. “I want to make lots of little babies with you. Right now!"

Harry blushes and then Gemma's answer comes to them. “Please not right away, I really don’t need to see this. And Louis, I hope you know that Harry can't get pregnant. Although he’s always secretly wanted it for years, right baby brother?”

“Oh God Gemma no. Fuck. I didn't mean to say that I was taking Harry here and now," Louis exclaims in horror.

And while Anne just stands there smiling quietly and watching the three of them, Louis would like to sink into the ground.

“That reassures me, Louis,” Gemma winks at him and he quickly turns his back on her to put the picture back. But in his nervousness he somehow ends up hitting a beautiful glass vase with his elbow. Which wobbles dangerously. And before Louis or Harry can grab it, it hits the ground next to his feet and shatters into a thousand pieces.

“Oh my fucking god. I’m so sorry!” Louis whines, now really feeling close to tears.

The rest remain silent as he quickly crouches to the ground and begins to pick up the pieces. Of course, Louis cuts himself to one shard, it makes this disastrous first meeting even more perfect - irony off.

“Oh baby, stop, don’t! You're bleeding!" Harry shouts and suddenly Anne is there with him, taking his hand and inspecting it without seeming angry at him.

Meanwhile Gemma rushes into the kitchen and soon comes to them with a dustpan and a small broom.

"Come on, let's treat your wound, Louis," Anne says gently and pulls him up to the upper floor, closely followed by Harry.

"I am so sorry. I'll replace the vase of course. Please don't hate me. I would like to sink into the ground in shame,” Louis whispers quietly, hanging his head as Anne pushes him onto the edge of the bathtub in the bathroom.

“Louis, please stop driving yourself so crazy,” Anne smiles at him as she takes his hand again and checks to see if she can find any shards in it before taking a washcloth and cleaning it.

"Yes baby, you really need to relax," Harry agrees, falling next to him and looking worriedly at the cut in his hand.

While Anne is looking for plasters, she keeps glancing at him. “Gemma and I aren’t inhumans and we like you okay? Just the fact that you're nervous shows how much you care about Harry. You don’t have to prove anything and you can just be yourself.”

Louis smiles wryly and nods. "Thanks. I'll try it. And please tell me where I can buy the vase or how much it costs.”

“It was from my grandmother, it had more of a sentimental value,” Anne smiles and takes his hand again and puts the plaster over it.

“Oh god no,” Louis groans and looks to Harry for help.

“Please stay calm, Louis,” Anne says, patting his knee sympathetically. “I actually thought it was ugly anyway. It’s a good thing my grandmother can’t hear that.”

Harry giggles quietly and Anne joins in too.

"I'll make it up to you anyway," Louis says quietly, his voice shaking.

"Nonsense. You can make it up to me by not hurting yourself anymore and breathing deeply,” Anne waves off.

“Let's go downstairs, I baked a cake for us as soon as Harry texted me that you were coming. And a cup of tea will definitely do you good, Louis.”

When Louis gets up, it's not Harry who takes him around his middle this time, but his mother, and Louis could cry with emotion as she leads him down the stairs. Maybe he didn't ruin everything with his terrible demeanour after all.

Finally they enter the kitchen where Gemma has already set the table and is sitting on one of the chairs, holding a cup of tea in her hands. She looks over the edge of her cup with a smile.

“Are you okay, Louis?” she asks, patting the chair next to her. “Come to me and tell me embarrassing things about my brother. I assume he’s an even worse lovesick puppy with you than with us.”

“Gemma!” Harry exclaims indignantly and puts his hands on his hips.

Louis smiles and can really relax more and more with these two women who make it so easy to like them. He can clearly tell that they are related to Harry, inside and outside. And so he follows Gemma's request and takes a seat next to her while Harry moves into the chair on the other side of him.

“By the way, I have a surprise for you Louis,” Gemma says after they talked a while about this and that.

“For me?” Louis asks in surprise.

Gemma grins and pulls her phone out of her pocket and looks up again. “Yeah… shouldn’t be long now.”

“What are you talking about?” Harry asks, frowning, and Anne also looks confused.

But then the doorbell rings and while Gemma continues to smile, the remaining three all look at each other irritated.

“Did anyone else want to come today? Mum, you can't let anyone in! What if someone sees me with Lou?” Harry immediately shouts in panic.

“You can let the visitors in mum, don’t worry,” Gemma nods towards the front door and Anne hurries to open it.

"Gemma, I can't believe how incredibly stupid you are!" Harry hisses at his sister but she just snickers and waves him off with her hand. 

“Oh hello, who are you?” Anne’s voice can be heard coming to them.

And Louis' jaw drops and he alternates between staring from Gemma to Harry in shock as he hears the answer.

“I'm Louis' sister and this is our mother! Sorry for the surprise visit but Gemma knows.”

Lottie.

"What... what's happening here?" Louis asks breathlessly and Harry's eyes are also wide when their gazes meet.

“Lottie probably found my account today. Which wasn't difficult after the sweet creature incident. And she asked me for our address because she really wanted to get to know Harry.”

And before Louis can answer, Anne enters the kitchen with his mother and Lottie.

"Hi everyone," Lottie chirps, her eyes immediately falling on Harry after waving at Gemma like they've always been best friends.

Louis is definitely still too surprised to do anything but stare, noticing just how emotional he's getting. He simply didn't expect it and it's only now that he realises how much he really missed his family. And out of nowhere, two of them are suddenly standing in his boyfriend's mother's kitchen. It's too much at once and Louis does the only logical thing after that day - cry.

In tears, he gets up from his chair, pushes past Gemma's chair and straight into his mother's outstretched arms.

“Mummy,” he sobs and no longer feels like a 28-year-old man but like the little boy from back then. And just like then, he still loves his mother fiercely today. He cries a few quiet tears into her neck while she rubs his back soothingly. And then suddenly Lottie is in the hug as well and Louis forgets for a brief moment where they are or who is watching. Instead, he takes in the familiar smells of the two of them, of childhood and home, and Louis finally lifts his head, taking a deep breath, and smiles at both of them.

"It's so good to see you," he murmurs.

“I missed you too bubs,” Jay says lovingly, wiping the tears from his cheeks. “And now introduce me to the man who, in addition to your music, takes up the rest of your time.”

And so the three turn to the others, and Louis grabs his mother's hand and nods at Harry.

“May I introduce, this is the love of my life. And his lovely family.”

Chapter Text

I know for sure: Family should be the place where you can be your most complete self.

- Oprah Winfrey

Harry would have never guessed how nervous Louis would become in stressful situations. He doesn't know his boyfriend like that and feels really sorry for him, but at the same time it's just so endearing and cute, Harry loves to watch Louis even more than usual. 

As Harry observed Louis nervously preparing to meet his family, he couldn't help but find the way Louis fidgeted endearing. The way his eyes darted around, the subtle adjustments to his hair, and the hesitant smiles painted a picture of adorable vulnerability that melted Harry's heart. It was a glimpse into a softer side of Louis that made Harry appreciate him even more.

He first noticed Louis' discomfort in the car on their way to Harry's family. He became even more nervous the closer they got and to some extent Harry absolutely understands it. 

Of course he would be nervous as well when he would meet Louis' family, or he will be in the future, but Louis seemed like he's about to die from nerves. As soon as they arrived at his childhood home, Louis turned into a completely different person who's not able to behave like a normal human being. 

Without being able to stop himself Louis said one stupid thing after another which made him internally laugh and coo about it but at the same time Harry just wanted to help him out and made him more himself again. 

Maybe it's just the way it should go, Harry thought when his mum cleaned Louis' wound after Louis broke the ugliest vase that ever existed. It's such an intimate moment how Anne cared for him, it felt like Louis already belonged to the family and it was proof they already have a soft spot for him even if his behaviour was really strange. Strange but cute and just so adorable it's no wonder they already love him. Not as much as Harry does of course but still. Harry can't wait to see how they become close over the years and how they actually become a family. 

For now, they still have a lot of things to go through and getting to know their families and friends is an important step in their still so fresh relationship. 

Sitting in the kitchen they are now about to eat his mum's cake when the doorbell rings and his sister says Anne should let them in. 

"Gemma, I can't believe how incredibly stupid you are!" He hisses at his sister but she just snickers and waves him off with her hand. Does she honestly not understand how important their privacy is? How much it will cost them if someone finds out they're together?

While his mum stands up to open the door he throws daggers through his eyes at his sister for being so reckless about all of it. 

“Oh hello, who are you?” He hears his mother's voice and when Harry hears the answer, he snaps his head to Louis and looks at him in shock.

“I'm Louis' sister and this is our mother! Sorry for the surprise visit but Gemma knows.”

What the hell? How can they be here? Harry isn't prepared for a meeting with them now and feels his heart rate rising instantly. 

"What... what's happening here?" Louis asks breathlessly and with a cute redness on his cheeks which makes Harry want to grab his face and kiss him senseless. 

“Lottie probably found my account today. Which wasn't difficult after the sweet creature incident. And she asked me for our address because she really wanted to get to know Harry.” Gemma explains. And shit, that's a lot of pressure on him now. What if he doesn't look good enough today? He certainly didn't dress up and he just wants their first meeting to be perfect. Harry feels like he's about to cry, trying to find a way to quickly make himself more presentable. 

But before he has the chance to do anything at all, his mum enters the kitchen with Louis' mother and Lottie behind her. 

"Hi everyone," Lottie chirps, her eyes immediately falling on Harry after waving at Gemma like they've always been best friends. The sisters’ eyes sparkle when they look at each other and Harry already feels that Gemma and Lottie are a dangerous combination. 

Fumbling with his hair, Harry hopes to make a good impression, secretly cursing himself for becoming nervous when he told Louis there's no reason for it. Still, his family is important to Louis and he wants them to like him. 

Still unsure what to do now and how to somehow navigate through the situation, he feels Louis getting rigid and then starting to cry.

Harry's first instinct is to wrap himself around Louis to take care of him but Louis quickly gets up from his chair and walks straight into his mother's arms.

When Louis starts sobbing in earnest and doesn't stop hugging her, Lottie suddenly is in on it and they all create an adorable Tomlinson-ball. 

It's so cute and child-like Harry smiles and watches them with tears in his eyes. 

They quickly exchange some words Harry isn't able to pick up on and the first sentence he hears lets his heart beat faster again and he feels his face flush. 

“And now introduce me to the man who, in addition to your music, takes up the rest of your time.”

When they turn around Harry stands up and awkwardly looks between Jay and Lottie. 

“May I introduce, this is the love of my life. And his lovely family,” Louis says, a little more calm but still obviously nervous. 

“Hi, I'm Harry. Nice to meet you,” Harry says, shaking their hands. “I, erm, I didn't know we’d meet today or I would have, like prepared a cake for you and dressed a bit better. And shit, I think I'm a bit nervous now. I'll just stop now.” 

Anne and Gemma burst out laughing, probably reminded of Louis' greeting which was just as awkward. 

“God, little brother, you're such a dork,” Gemma smiles and Louis quickly takes his place next to Harry and murmurs, “You still did better than I did.” 

“Even if my Harry would have preferred to bake a cake himself I think mine is just fine. Come on, take a seat. Oh, and I'm Anne and this is Gemma,” his mum says, helping him through the situation. 

Even if Harry feels nervous he still feels a connection between their families instantly. It's like not only Louis and Harry are soulmates but also their families and this thought alone gives him confidence. 

They're meant to be, so this will be fine. 

He smiles warmly at everyone, holding Louis' sweating hand under the table, and he feels really comfortable until Lottie and Gemma seem to have a conversation through their eyes and a mischievous smile builds on her face. 

“Harry, your signature on Louis' neck makes quite a statement. It's almost like abstract art,” Lottie says, grinning at him widely. It's just banter, Harry knows it is, but inside, Harry wants to die. He wants to dig a hole under this chair and disappear, getting swallowed by the ground. He chooses to just laugh it off and shrug but it seems to make Louis even more nervous. 

Lottie's teasing remark about the hickey transforms Louis into a nervous wreck. His fingers become expert tap dancers on the table, and he starts playing with his hair like it holds the secrets of the universe. Harry can't help but find the whole spectacle endearing, thinking that Louis is the most adorable person ever, cuteness level over  the roof. 

Harry can't resist giving Louis a small peck on the cheek and when he turns his head to look at him Harry gets lost in Louis' beautiful eyes. For a moment, they return into their small bubble and forget about everything else around them. 

Only when he hears Gemma's voice Harry realises that they're still in the middle of their families. 

“God, Lottie, do you see what I have to endure here? They're disgustingly in love and Harry is just Louis here and Louis there. It's worse than his fangirl phase and believe me, he didn't shut up about Louis then as well.” 

He practically hears her eye roll and already opens his mouth to defend himself and somehow save the situation, his face feeling hot and flushed, when Lottie responds to her. 

“Yes! Louis has had this lovey-dovey aura since forever now. At the beginning it was just what if he doesn't want me once he knows who I am ? And now he doesn't have a different topic than your brother. It's really annoying.” 

“Heeey,” Harry intervenes, feeling a little offended by their banter. 

Louis next to him is extremely red and seems to have stopped breathing completely. 

“I wasn't that bad of a fangirl!” He exclaims to lighten the mood. And it works. Louis starts laughing and says, “Oh yes, you were. I have some messages as proof.” 

For the next five minutes everyone talks about Harry being a fangirl and to his horror Gemma even shows pictures of his old room with posters of Louis everywhere. And no, that wasn't long ago. 

Harry can't help but cringe at his fanboy days for Louis – the posters, the squealing, the whole fanatical ordeal. Now that Louis is his boyfriend, Harry's embarrassment is like discovering your teenage diary, realising he went from fanboy to fan-bae.

It seems to help Louis that the centre of attention isn't on him anymore because he relaxes more and more and although he smiles with their families, he squeezes Harry's knee under the table reassuringly. 

Just the fact that Louis feels better makes Harry smile at himself and stop caring about their banter. He would do everything to just make Louis comfortable and they don't even lie. Still, after a while he feels like Gemma goes into too much detail, Louis and especially his mother and sister don't have to know everything after all, and he feels the need to save what's left of his pride. 

Interrupting Gemma he says, “Anyway, Jay do you like my mum's cake?”

Of course it's obvious that he just does it to distract from himself but thankfully their mothers go with it and even tell Lottie and Gemma to keep the teasing to a minimum from now on. 

Harry watches with a heart full of joy as his family effortlessly blends with Louis' mother and sister. Their instant camaraderie gives him a warm, fuzzy feeling – like witnessing a perfect harmony that turns family gatherings into a symphony of comfort and laughter.

Just like Louis and him, their families seem to belong together and soon even Louis is relaxed enough to join the conversation without saying weird things and embarrass himself. 

As it gets later Harry clings to Louis more and more, the approaching separation already on his mind. Soon he finds himself on Louis' lap which earns him some cheeky remarks again, but he couldn't care less. All that counts is being close to the love of his life, the one person he has to let go again too soon. 

Seated between their families, Harry steals glances at Louis, their fingers intertwining in a sweet symphony of affection amid the familial chatter. As conversations flow around them, he can't resist planting a quick peck on Louis' mouth, eliciting a playful yet affectionate grin from his boyfriend.

Looking around he sees everyone looking fondly at them. Apparently, time for teasing really is over now and instead they just look at them like they're adorable puppies. 

The close proximity of their families doesn't dampen their exchanges anymore; instead, it amplifies the charm of their connection. The ease with which they navigate the familial setting, finishing each other's sentences and sharing knowing looks, speaks volumes about the depth of their bond.

In the midst of the familial gathering, a haven of love emerges between Harry and Louis. The impending departure hangs in the air, but their shared warmth and comfort create a sanctuary. Their relationship not only survives but thrives in the presence of those closest to them. 

It feels good that finally someone saw them as a couple, as if it just now became true and for the first time, Harry feels like he's in an established relationship and not in a dramatic love comedy. Just being seen by their loved ones gives him security and in that moment nothing feels too hard or challenging anymore. 

When they have to leave so that Louis can get back to London in time, Harry hugs Lottie and Jay and it feels so right. 

“You're a good man Harry. I can see why my Loubear loves you,” Jay whispers, which makes him smile brightly.

Lottie also has something to say to him privately and it's so cute, Harry hugs her even tighter. 

“I hope you know the teasing was just for Louis' sake. I think you're wonderful and I demand to be a flower girl at your wedding.”

“Heeey, I want to be a flower girl as well,” Gemma chirps in and they start a playful argument about it. 

“But I would be the perfect one. I want it more than anything!” Lottie calls out, pouting and in that moment she's already as cute as his brother. 

Laughing at the situation Gemma answers, "Fine, fine! I'll give up the flower girl dreams. But mark my words, I'm still catching the bouquet!"

"Deal! You catch it, and we'll let fate decide who's next in line for wedding bells,” Harry answers, grinning. 

Louis, seizing the opportunity, wraps an arm around Harry and grins, "Looks like we're in for some interesting family gatherings."

Anne chimes in with a wink, "I can already imagine the chaos. But you two make it a beautiful chaos."

As the laughter settles, the conversation takes a heartfelt turn. Amidst the playful banter, there's an underlying warmth – a shared acknowledgment of the love and connection that binds them. The talk of weddings and flower girls may be lighthearted, but the sentiment is genuine, a reflection of the joy they find in each other's company and Harry is sure that they'll marry one day. 

The room, now filled with affectionate smiles, continues to echo with the laughter of a family that has grown to include not just blood ties but the chosen bonds of love. In that moment, the prospect of the future, with all its uncertainties, is met with a sense of excitement and anticipation, grounded in the love that unites them.

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

As Harry and Louis drive to Harry's apartment, the air inside the car feels heavier than usual. The melancholy of Louis' impending departure to London hangs between them, casting a subdued mood over the journey. The hum of the engine is accompanied by a quiet introspection, a shared understanding that the moments ticking away in the car are precious.

The drive to Harry's apartment is way too short this time and Harry wishes to somehow avoid Louis' departure, knowing well that they can't stop the time no matter how hard they try. 

Louis' hand rests on the gear shift, occasionally finding its way to Harry's on the centre console, fingers intertwining as if holding onto time itself. Their fingers trace soft patterns, each touch a silent reassurance of the love that binds them. The streets pass by in a blur, a backdrop to the unspoken longing that colours the atmosphere.

In the soft glow of the dashboard lights, Louis steals glances at Harry, his eyes reflecting a mix of sadness and affection. Harry, in turn, meets those gazes with a bittersweet smile, a silent acknowledgment of the emotional storm brewing within.

Unable to stop his thoughts he already feels himself spiralling. What if Harry becomes jealous again as soon as he sees Louis with someone else in the media? What if their relationship still isn't strong enough to survive management's requirements? When will they finally have time together again? Will Louis see Luke and Florence more often than him? And would Louis still want to be with him if he knew his thoughts? 

He tries his best to keep his thoughts at bay but it's not as successful as he wished it to be. 

The radio plays a gentle melody, but it feels like a soundtrack to their shared sorrow. Their conversation, though laced with love, carries the weight of the impending separation. Promises of phone calls, video chats, and countdowns to the next visit hang in the air, a fragile attempt to bridge the physical gap that will soon exist.

As they pull up to Harry's apartment and the car engine silences, there's a lingering pause. In that moment, parked under the dim streetlight, they hold onto each other, trying to imprint the warmth of the present into their memories.

With a deep sigh, Louis leans in for a lingering kiss, as if trying to capture the essence of their connection in that stolen moment. They don't have time to put their goodbyes off longer, Louis still has a long ride ahead of him, so Harry tries to make it short by breaking the kiss after just a few seconds. 

Louis doesn't let him though, pulling him in by his hair to start another bittersweet kiss. 

Separating becomes harder with each second their lips touch but after staying like that for a while, they break apart and Harry is about to leave their bubble. 

The door opens, and reality rushes in – the unavoidable truth that London awaits, pulling them apart.

They part with whispered "I love yous" and promises, the echoes of their affection lingering in the quiet car.  

Without looking back and fighting hard his tears, Harry goes up to his apartment. 

As the door closes, the emptiness inside matches the heaviness of his heart, yearning for the next time they can bridge the gap and fill the spaces with the warmth of their shared love.

Feeling numb and lonely, Harry sinks into the couch, its cushions offering a familiar comfort that now seems insufficient without Louis by his side. As he settles into the soft embrace of the upholstery, he can't shake the lingering sensation of Louis' absence. 

The vacant space next to him feels like a void only Louis could fix. The solitude of the moment intensifies and Harry can almost hear the echo of Louis's laughter and the resonance of their conversations, making the quietness of the room all the more noticeable. Sitting there, surrounded by the remnants of their shared moments, he can't help but miss Louis, even if it's only a couple of minutes since they've seen each other. Harry fights hard not to cry and feels like he overreacts and is dramatic but he can't help it, he just feels like he's missing a piece without Louis by his side. 

Taking out his phone, he types a quick message to Louis, knowing well that he won't be able to read it for a while now.

Harry  

Turn around! 

Come back to me. I already miss you. How should I survive without you close to me? I'll not sleep until we see each other. 

Those two days were so perfect. I want that back. Right now. 

I love you

Sighing, Harry decides to leave the perfect world he lived in the last two days for good and opens an  email from management he received a few hours ago. 

Subject: Reminder: Fulfilment of Agreed Publicity Commitments

Dear Harry,

we hope this email finds you well. 

As we approach the next phase of your promotional strategy, we would like to remind you of the agreement we discussed regarding maintaining a certain level of visibility in the public eye.

To enhance your public image and keep the fans engaged, it was previously agreed upon that staged paparazzi encounters with different individuals, creating the appearance of casual encounters, would be beneficial. These moments should be crafted to give the impression of one-night stands, adding an element of intrigue and relatability and distract from certain activities. 

We understand the importance of balancing personal and professional life, and we appreciate your cooperation in contributing to the narrative we've outlined for your public persona. This strategic approach aligns with our overall marketing strategy and helps sustain the desired level of interest in your career.

Please coordinate with our media relations team to schedule these staged encounters at your earliest convenience. Feel free to reach out if you have any questions or concerns. Your cooperation is integral to the success of our promotional efforts.

Thank you for your understanding and commitment to this collaborative endeavour.

Best regards. 

Feeling his stomach tightening and his heart rate rising, Harry quickly closes the email and decides to just pretend everything is okay a moment longer, not feeling ready to face the consequences of his reckless behaviour yet.

Luckily, a new message coming in from Louis saves him from his darkening thoughts. 

Soulmate <3

I know dimple heart, I feel the same way. And before you rant, I stopped the car to answer you. I'd give anything to kiss you now and ... maybe my plan to run away wasn't so wrong after all? 😉 I wish we lived in a world where we could be free. I love you more than anything!

Smiling down at his phone he reads the message several times and decides not to write again for now. Louis needs to get home safely and in a decent amount of time and when he stops all the time to chat with Harry he'll never make it. 

Sighing, he opens social media and snoops around, losing himself in the newest Larry Stylinson theories. Seeing how the fandom grows makes his heart stutter and he once again asks himself why their management, and especially Louis', think it would ruin their careers to be out and proud. There obviously are people who would still support them and their love. His strategy to cheer him up with those accounts fails as everything on there is a reminder of their captivity. 

Harry, seeking an escape from the palpable void left by Louis' absence and the despair of his boyfriend being closeted, immerses himself in the world of his own creation. With his phone in hand, he delves into the universe of his fanfiction, tapping away at the keys for hours on end. The rhythmic sound of each keystroke becomes a comforting cadence, temporarily drowning out the silence that echoes in his apartment and the storm in his mind.

As he crafts the narrative, his imagination takes flight, and the characters come alive in the glow of his screen. The storyline unfolds like a refuge, a parallel reality where he can navigate emotions and experiences beyond the confines of his own. The vivid scenes and dialogues become a solace, a means to channel his thoughts and emotions into a fictional realm.

In the process, Harry finds a therapeutic escape, losing track of time as the characters he moulds provide a welcome distraction from the solitude around him. The act of writing becomes a form of self-expression, a creative endeavour that not only captivates his attention but also allows him to weave a tapestry of emotions and scenarios that temporarily transport him from the quietude of his apartment.

When Harry feels satisfied with his words and the way Louis' and Harry's fictional relationship develop, he sends the next two chapters to Louis and at the same time sends him love through their bracelet.

Chapter Text

One day you will tell your story of how you overcame what you went through and it will be someone else's survival guide.

- Brene Brown

It comes out of negative excitement and pure desperation, of thoughts that want to keep dancing and not surrender their stage to the longed-for dreamscape.

Louis wants nothing more than to finally be able to fall asleep, to escape into a world where he can kiss his Harry whenever he wants, where he proudly holds Harry by his hand for everyone to see. Wants to meet his true love in his dreams, just hold him close and imagine that he can really smell his scent when he presses his nose into the beloved curly mane.

But instead he lies awake after the latest articles appeared last night which featured Harry. And even if Louis is not as jealous as his boyfriend, it's not easy for him either. Even if he knows that it's all just lies there. Each of the platforms used different words but the essence is always the same: Harry loves curling up in bed with different people. His latest victim: Marc Mallory, a young, handsome influencer who has already increased the number of followers on his channels after these articles. Louis watched the numbers, shook his head angrily and was annoyed that the general public was really falling for all of this. If management's plans didn't work out every time, this would probably not be necessary or possible here.

And it's a man. A man of all things. Of course Louis knows that Harry's sexuality is fluid to the public, but it hurts a lot more to read the articles, to see the photos of Harry walking arm in arm down the streets with Marc. While he's lying alone in his bed in London, having to play straight for the public with his fake girlfriend and not even having the chance to shape this narrative for himself. 

Louis is simply angry at the whole world. That he himself simply can't be gay in these modern times, that it's natural for people who portray the stars publicly to act like that. Probably not even a single thought is wasted on how the queer person must feel when you are not allowed to be yourself. Louis knew it would be difficult when he signed the contract back then. He felt it in every cell and yet he wanted to take the path for his career. If he had only known how much he would fall in love just a short time later, he would never have done it. No career in the world is worth keeping this kind of love a secret - and yet that's what Louis has to do.

In these dark hours of the night it feels even more extreme, even considering that he has hardly seen Harry in the last month. Both were too busy. Louis with the finishing touches in the recording studio, public meetings with Florence and the planning of his tour. And for Harry to seem like a fuckboy, his management insists on making as many headlines as possible. Furthermore, his album is also coming out soon. In just a few hours, even. And both of them took this day off for themselves, fought and discussed so that they didn't have to be seen at a party but could cuddle up together in the protection of Harry's home and watch what the fans thought of their albums.

1am and again Louis picks up his phone and again he has to torture himself, the page on his internet browser is still open with the article about the last alleged one night stand.

Harry Styles and the Signs of another successful sexy time. 

Still a newcomer and yet already in more beds with the stars and starlets than anyone else before him. Loved and appreciated by everyone, it is easy for the singer to take the female and male celebrities by storm. Except for one, his biggest rival Louis Tomlinson for the battle of the album charts. Both men's albums are coming out soon and Harry Styles seems to be celebrating in a completely different way. This evening he was seen kissing Marc Mallory for a cosy stroll and according to sources close to Styles, he took him home afterwards. The influencer was seen hugging the singer all throughout the walk and it was actually the first time that Styles had been photographed with a man. Whether anything more will come of it is questionable, Harry seems to be a lover who fascinates everyone but doesn't want to commit. Does opponent Tomlinson have anything to say about the latest hanky-panky? We are already waiting eagerly for the next argument that the two have been delivering on Twitter for weeks. And also on which person will take Harry Styles home next.

And again Louis clicks through the gallery under the article, smiles gently when his first glance falls on Harry, how long his legs look in the tight black trousers and how they look even more stretched by the Chelsea boots, the shiny black blazer is flattering around his figure and yet his gaze slides to the other man, whose hand is around Harry’s waist. Huddled close to his boyfriend. How he stares at him with heart eyes. Or the pictures of the kiss. It hurts. Damn, does it hurt. And Louis begins to cry again, just like he did the last few times in the last hours when he tortured himself. Sobs wrack his body and his tears drip onto the phone display and yet Louis swipes through the gallery. The longing for Harry grows with every picture, he just wants to stroke every inch of Harry's bare skin with his hands and claim him back. Wants to kiss him in the places where only he is allowed to, away from the public eye. He wants these private hours with him, really needs them, they are vital to his survival from this moment on. 

Louis completely loses himself in his sadness, letting his soul express what hurts so much that he soon gasps for air because his throat tightens and his tears spill out uncontrollably and violently. Louis is a fucking mess. As always in these vulnerable and lonely hours, it's easy for his old habits to come over him in a wave and Louis no longer knows where to find the strength to defend himself against it. He needs his light in human form to illuminate this darkness in himself, just that this person is hours away.

Louis doesn't even notice how he's scratching his thighs, his old scars, and when he does, he feels like it's doing him absolutely nothing. His fingernails bitten too short doesn't bring the pain he hoped for and what he needs now.

"Gotta stay strong," Louis murmurs, trying to calm himself down, but his hand has taken on a life of its own, his fingers literally clawing at the skin to create some pain.

And the more he longs for greater pain, the more desperate he becomes. Because actually Louis doesn't want it, he doesn't want to give in to it and yet it's what his innermost longs for. Without thinking about it any further, he jumps up, runs into the bathroom and takes a desperate look at the cupboard where he knows his razor blades are, but shakes his head. Instead, he grabs a toothbrush, brushes his teeth and freshens up enough so that his boyfriend won't be shocked by his appearance when he surprises him with an early visit in a few hours. His eyes are red from having so many crying fits and the circles underneath clearly indicate the sleepless night, but he hopes that Harry won't notice in his joy of the surprising and spontaneous visit.

Back in the bedroom, he carelessly gets dressed, sniffles and tries to hold back more tears, and a look at his phone reveals that it's already 2am. He should make it to Manchester by car in 4 hours. He'll probably arrive right when Harry is in the middle of his training. Louis knows that he is in the gym with Brad every morning and it will be the same today. He also knows that they meet in a small exclusive gym. What he doesn't know is where it is and Louis briefly becomes desperate. Because he needs to see Harry as quickly as possible so as not to lose himself completely. Can’t wait tensely outside his house until he finally comes home, no, but has to fall straight into his arms. Maybe even cry against his strong chest, that's what Louis feels like at least at this moment.

And so he stands in the dim light of his small lamp in the bedroom and frantically thinks about how he can get the address without waking his probably sleeping boyfriend. But then an idea comes to him and he quickly opens Instagram and looks for the person he absolutely dislikes: Brad.

He has to scroll a bit but finds a post from the beginning of Harry's career with a picture of the two of them standing in front of a weight bench grinning. For a brief moment, Louis loses himself in the sight of Harry. How he smiles toothily and gives a thumbs up to the camera, his curls styled into a bun and a hair band that keeps the much-loved baby curls on his forehead and neck in check. Harry is just so beautiful, in every situation and again the longing for him breaks over him in a big wave. But then Louis remembers his actual plan and checks whether the gym is tagged. And hell yeah, it is. His heart beats faster because of relief, but also because nothing stands in his way anymore.

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

Overtired but with butterflies in his stomach, Louis finally arrives in Manchester and parks in front of the gym. In fact, light shines from one of the upper rooms onto the otherwise dark surroundings and Louis could actually cry again. Out of relief but also because his stress level is so high. Going against himself and his needs requires everything and Louis is simply emotionally exhausted.

He's already smoked way too many cigarettes on the car ride and actually has the urge for one again, but Harry is more important. He just wants to go to him now. And so he jumps out of the car, locks it hastily and goes up the stairs.The gym door is open, even though no one is at the reception so early in the morning. A bit reckless if you ask Louis, because anyone could just walk in here. Fans, reporters or a crazy boyfriend.

Louis goes up the stairs, following Brad's calls and the dim light under the door.

He stops briefly in front of the door, takes a breath in the dark hallway and hears Brad talking to his boyfriend in a sharp, aggressive tone. And Louis doesn't like it one bit.

"Harry, what's wrong? Are you a fucking wimp? A pussy? Or a man? Try harder for fucks sake!”

Instead of anticipation or despair, there is suddenly just blind anger at this man who doesn't seem to know how to treat his dimple heart properly.

Louis angrily grabs the door handle and slams the door open with full force so that both men look at him in shock. Harry, with a dumbbell in his hand and lying on a weight bench, even looks as if his eyeballs are about to pop out of surprise and his mouth opens like he's having a hallucination.

“You!” Louis hisses with every step he takes closer to the man standing next to his boyfriend.

Brad raises his eyebrows in surprise and points to himself. And Louis makes sure there is no doubt that he means exactly him when he arrives in front of him and he digs his index finger into his chest.

“Yes, exactly you! Never dare to speak to my boyfriend like that again. He's perfect, you hear me? He's neither a wimp nor a pussy! He is the man who will secure your salary and your job and believe me, if I were him I would have let you terminate long ago. There are enough trainers out there who treat my darling properly. You’re an asshole Brad!”

Brad, unimpressed, smashes Louis' index finger away, stands taller in front of him and folds his arms over his chest.

“It’s just that you don’t have to decide anything. How I motivate my clients to achieve top performance is entirely up to me. And by the way, you could do something for yourself too!” Brad replies, looking him up and down.

Louis steps closer to him, being shorter than Brad doesn't intimidate or interest him at this moment.

“Firstly, my man loves my body exactly the way it is. Secondly, you have no right to tell me what I should or shouldn't do. Thirdly, I will make sure that you stop taking out your toxic ways of working on Harry, even if it is the last thing I do. Oh and fourthly: fuck off. Get out! Or I’ll forget myself!”

Brad laughs quietly, making Louis even more aggressive. “What do you want to do to me? I have more muscles than you.”

“Your muscles are of no use to you. Trust me, I'm fast and a kick in your balls hurts just as much as it does for anyone else. Don’t tempt me, Brandy.”

“Brad,” he hisses, but Louis doesn’t even pay attention to him anymore. Instead, turning to Harry, he shows him the middle finger over his shoulder and then sits down on the weight bench next to Harry, grabs his chin and gently closes his still open mouth. Harry is now in a sitting position and the large dumbbell has been put down.

"Lou?" Harry breathes quietly and blinks quickly, still not seeming to have understood that he is really there despite the scene just now.

"Our training isn't over yet, Harry," Brad exclaims, annoyed and Harry's head snaps around.

“I think it’s over. Please go, Brad.” Harry says quietly and then looks back at Louis.

“God, I hate my job. You stars are all so difficult,” they hear him murmur and shortly afterwards the door slams shut.

Louis slides his legs apart on the bench even closer to Harry, swings his legs over Harry one after the other and hugs him around his middle. Their faces inches apart and eyes merging together.

"You're not feeling well," Harry states quietly, gently letting his fingertip stroke Louis' face. “Is that why you’re here?”

Louis nods and leans closer to him, kissing him tenderly and they both sigh. Louis feels like flying, high up in space and way past cloud nine. Harry takes his face in his hands, the way he always kisses him, holds Louis gently and securely, now leads the kiss and it's as if Louis suddenly grows wings. He no longer wants to come down from his high, just wants to stay above the clouds and defy gravity with him. Louis never wants to break away from the kiss again, just wants to kiss Harry until he forgets what the earth feels like under his feet and how terrible the last few hours were.

But when Harry lets go of him and they both gasp for air, Louis collapses against Harry's upper body.

"I need you," Louis whispers against Harry's shirt, which is slightly wet from his sweat. "I... I had these thoughts again... wanted to cut myself."

Harry's hand wraps around his head, holding it tight over his rapidly beating heart, and he places a gentle kiss on his hair. “I'm so proud of you baby... for not doing it. For you to be here with me and… I love you Lou.”

“I love you too Harry. More than anything,” Louis muffles against Harry and heart-rending he begins to cry again. But this time in the arms of his true love, held safe and knowing that he can let it all out without being judged and instead only being welcomed with deep feelings.

"What was the trigger, Lou?" Harry asks quietly and while he still holds his head protectively, his other hand runs soothingly up and down his back.

“The articles… that stupid Marc. The way he touched and kissed you. How we are portrayed as enemies and in the same breath how they write what kind of a fuckboy you are. I hate it. I hate everything. I hate that I'm not allowed to be gay and that I'm the one next to you in the pictures. I hate how it makes me feel. I just want to love you.”

Louis knows that his crying will probably make him difficult to understand. And yet he still has something to add. “And I hate Brad! Find a new trainer. Someone who treats you well!”

"It was a little hot the way you finished him off, I have to admit that," Harry chuckles quietly and Louis joins in his sobs. But then Harry becomes more serious again and he lifts Louis' face slightly with his hand on his cheek, looks seriously at him and his green eyes literally bore into him. “I hated being out with Marc yesterday. Not only did he stick to me like a limpet. No, he is also incredibly stupid. He actually thought that I was really going to sleep with him and that it wasn't just about photos to spin articles. I hate how I am portrayed in the media as much as you do. But... baby, it's a hard road we have to go now. But at some point we arrive at the end of this dark valley, climb together up the mountain that lies in front of us and stand at the top in the sunlight and enjoy the view.”

Louis can't help but kiss him. His heart is partly heavy for Harry himself who has to surround himself with such idiots and partly lighter because he encourages him with what he says.

“I can hardly wait for the day to come. I will introduce you as my partner as the proudest boyfriend ever in the world," Louis whispers against Harry's rosy, soft and tasteful lips. Then he continues kissing him, with every stroke of their tongues the kiss becomes more intense and more pleasurable.

And Louis finally wants to do what he's wanted all along since he saw the pictures. His hands slide down Harry's torso to his shirt and slide underneath, letting them strike over his bare skin, causing Harry to let out a quiet "Ahhh".

He grabs the hem of the shirt and quickly pulls it over Harry's head and arms so that he sits bare-chested. Harry looks at him in as much wonder as Louis probably lets his gaze roam over his muscular upper body. How the butterfly on his stomach rises and falls with every breath as if it were flying. How the four nipples are already erect in the air even though Louis hasn't even done anything with them yet, how each of Harry's many tattoos looks so beautiful on his bare skin, paintings on a body that is art itself.

"Lie down," Louis whispers, giving him a quick kiss before standing up and making room for Harry on the weight bench.

Harry nods, bites his lip seductively and slides down only to lie flat on his back.

"Beautiful," Louis breathes, bending down to pull Harry's too-short shorts off his legs, as well as the socks and shoes off his feet.

"What are you planning to do, baby?" Harry asks softly and Louis has to giggle, as if he doesn't know what he's planning to do.

“Getting back what’s mine,” Louis smiles and taps Harry’s legs. Of course, he immediately understands what he wants from him, opens it and spreads it out on one side of the weight bench to make some space for Louis at the bottom of it.

Without being able to wait any longer, Louis leans over Harry and begins to gently chew and suck on his earlobe, which already elicits the first soft moans from Harry. He slides his tongue down Harry's throat, loving the slightly salty taste of his dried sweat on his tongue.

He makes sure to cover every inch with little licks or kisses, even sucking a mark on Harry's hip bone while Harry is already a squirming mess under him.

"Lou," Harry pleads in a whimper.

“I know dimple heart,” Louis reassures him and finds his way down with more small kisses over naked, hot skin to the goal he had actually had in mind all along. His hands stroke his strong thighs and fine hair while his mouth is already watering at the thought of pampering Harry orally.

Harry lies so wonderfully exposed and available in front of him with a strong, incredible and throbbing cock, his hips lift towards him, let him know he’s ready to be taken and fuck, yes, he wants to take Harry now.

And Louis does so, slides the hard dick into his mouth so that Harry lets out a series of panting sighing sounds, "Ah-ah-ahh!"

It’s almost like Harry’s own tenseness of the last weeks is all pouring out of him with those noises, his body goes pliant under Louis and the entirety of Harry’s being is focused only on enjoying Louis’ mouth.

For Louis, there is the flavour of his cock, just as strong and potent as the smell of his body after the workout had promised it would be. And maybe it might be gross to some, but Louis loves everything about Harry. Now Louis has the undiluted essence on his tongue, and the raw maleness of it is literally intoxicating. And if there's one thing Louis loves, it's getting drunk on his boyfriend.

It’s a feeling Louis hasn’t experienced much before, only with Harry, the feeling of his senses being overpowered, displaced and cast aside to make room for the emotion of raw lust. He loves the control he has over Harry in moments like these, just like the little moans and whimpers he does. This is him claiming Harry back, desperate to drain Harry into himself and keep him inside at all times. 

Louis knows they can't go all the way out here, the risk of someone suddenly coming in is too great as the hour goes on. But he needs this right now, and Harry seems to feel the same way.

Harry's hand comes up and cups the back of Louis' head, not a compulsion but an encouragement.

“More Lou, yes, more, so good,” Harry breathes.

Louis slides his mouth down a bit deeper, feels the shudder race through Harry's body when he has no more room left to fill and his neatly trimmed pubic hairs just tickles the tip of Louis' nose.

Then Louis clutches tight and pulls up, the thick skin of Harry's shaft smooth and bulges on his tongue as Louis pulls the skin up with his lips, slips it over his glans and down again. With each slip Harry moans and meets him with gentle hip movements.

It's so easy to suck on Harry's cock, to make him feel good, Louis thinks, as he dives back down again. He’s in his element here, literally makes love to the thick, meaty shaft of Harry’s dick, it is like his cock fits Louis’ mouth perfectly, like it belongs inside him.

“Baby, you’re so fucking good. Love, ahh, love how you make me feel. Missed you, oh fuck, missed you so much,” Harry pants and Louis presses his finger into the hickey on his hipbone, a small confirmation that he feels the same way.

Louis loses himself completely in the task of giving Harry pleasure. The up and down and his slurps are only accompanied by Harry's moans.

But suddenly Harry whispers frantically, "Oh baby, I'm about to come. Faster now, Lou, faster, ah."

Louis does what he can, his lips ache already from the effort, but those moans make him sure he doesn’t have to keep it up much longer. He sucks Harry as hard and fast as he can and Harry groans rises in pitch and frequency, until they are a single, long, strained note. Louis can't help but moan himself, sending vibrations through Harry's cock so that his hand buries itself hard in Louis’ hair. Harry lets out almost a scream like he’s bursting apart into a million pieces and with that, his cock squirts into Louis’ mouth. Long, ropey strands of hot cum belts his tongue and tonsils, and the pure essence of Harry pours into him. Louis makes sure to swallow his juice, the nectar of existence, the ambrosia of life, and it fills and satisfies him in a way Louis hasn’t known he needed. Harry belongs to him now and forever, the same way Louis belongs to Harry.

Harry moans for some time even after his cock has stopped spurting, and Louis holds his softening dick in his mouth until he finally stops sounding off, just a bit of hard breathing left. 

He gently strokes his hand over Harry’s dick and then up to his torso, follows his hand with his body and gives Harry a long kiss, letting their tongues circle each other and letting his boyfriend taste himself.

“You’re mine Harry Styles. Always and forever,” Louis breathes against his lips and brushes his curls from his forehead and cheeks.

Harry pulls him closer to his naked body, using him as a human blanket and holding him close with both arms wrapped around his middle. His eyes slowly open, still lust-blown and hazy from his orgasm but beautiful as always.

“I have always been yours. Even when we didn’t know each other.”

Chapter Text

I don't think competition is good in music. What is good is the desire and the ambition to create your best work.

- Tom Odell

Leaving the gym kind of feels like a walk of shame since Brad still is at the desk waiting for them to leave and the looks he throws their way scream condemnation. 

Yep, he definitely knows they didn't just talk in there. And he hates Louis, that's a very obvious fact. 

Louis isn't impressed by Brad's attitude towards them and just fake-smiles at him sweetly and flicks him off once again. 

Harry already knows he will suffer from it but he just doesn't care. That version of Louis is especially hot, even hotter than all the other ones and if you'd ask Harry he would love to watch him doing this all day. And night. Maybe with some breaks for sexy time in between to get rid of his boner. 

Shaking his head at himself he waves Brad goodbye and tries to not look too cheeky about all of this. Brad won't appreciate it and he will definitely talk to management about it either way but he doesn't have to provoke him even more. 

Due to his short pause he now walks behind Louis and his eyes involuntarily travel down to his round, perfect ass Harry could stare at for hours on end. 

Louis seems to know exactly where Harry is looking at, because he starts to swing his hips expansively making his ass move invitingly. 

Groaning, Harry hurries to keep up with him and as soon as he's close enough places his hand on Louis' ass, squeezing a little. 

“What are you doing to me, baby?”

“I don't know, dimple heart,” Louis answers, smiling innocently. “What do you want me to do to you is the better question, I think.”

“Shit. Stop teasing me or we won't make it back home,” Harry murmurs, looking around stressed as they walk out of the gym together. They shouldn't do this either. It's reckless, he knows it is, but Harry honestly wouldn't even mind if they get caught because he's so desperate to just show their love to everyone. 

When they arrive back home he quickly takes a shower and when he comes out, he finds a small gift back with a piece of paper. 

Congrats on your first album drop, dimple heart! <3 

I'm beyond proud. 

Your music is just as amazing as you are. 

I love you! 

Inside of the bag are two things. 

One vinyl. When Harry has a closer look at it, he sees that it's a special edition vinyl pressing of both their albums with cute pictures of them on it. With tears in his eyes he hugs the gift. He's touched but also a bit irritated: Why did Louis put it in the bathroom for him? It doesn't make any sense. 

He quickly takes out the second gift, which makes a lot more sense to put in there: A blue lace pantie with matching suspenders and socks.

Looks like Louis wants him all dressed up for their special day. 

Fascinated, Harry touches the thin fabric and lets his fingers slide through it. It's beautiful and he can't wait to put it on and look extra sexy for the love of his life. He takes his time looking at himself in the mirror and painting his nails in a matching colour before coming out to find Louis lying in his bed, naked and touching himself lazily. Louis grins at him cheekily but his eyes widen when he looks him up and down and he stops at Harry's thighs, gulping visible and wetting his lips with his tongue. 

“Fuck, Harry. You look even hotter than I imagined when I bought it. Come here.” Louis' voice is raw and Harry sees how his cock grows to full size. 

“Thank you for your gifts. I love them. I’m sorry, I didn't buy you anything,” Harry says, making a show out of walking to the bed where Louis waits for him. 

“You are my greatest gift, dimple heart. I don't need anything else,” he whispers, sitting up and reaching out for him as soon as he's close enough. 

Their kiss is desperate from the beginning, Louis' cock pressed against the fabric of his panties and leaving a wet spot there. 

“You’re gonna be the death of me,” he whispers into his mouth, his hand coming up to cup the back of Harry’s neck, his thumb brushing just below Harry’s ear. The touch sends a jolt of warmth through Harry’s body.

Grabbing his hips, Harry pulls him in even closer, every inch of their bodies touching and it just feels so right as if their bodies are meant for each other. 

When Harry moves his hands to Louis' asscheeks and lets a finger slide in between them Louis moans in his mouth and presses his hip back to intensify the touch. 

In desperate need to finally tell Louis his thoughts, he breaks the kiss, takes a deep breath and whispers, “I want you to top me again, Louis. Please.”

They didn't try to do it since it totally went wrong after their fight and Harry didn't want to pressure him by bringing it up. 

But dressed like that, feeling sexy and desirable he wants nothing more than feeling his boyfriend inside of him and he just hopes Louis will be open for it.  

With a too high heartbeat and shaking hands he waits for his answer, watching Louis and hoping to find the answer on his face. 

Louis seems insecure all of a sudden, looking back at Harry with a frown on his face. 

“Are you sure you want this?” He finally asks and a smile creeps onto Harry's face. That wasn't a no. 

“Yes, I am sure. I've thought about it for ages now,” he answers honestly and strokes Louis' cheek. 

Biting his bottom lip, Louis nods. 

“Okay. But only if you promise me to use your safe word. And I don't mean when it's too late but as soon as one thing bothers you or a bad thought or memory crosses your mind. Deal?” 

He holds out his pinky finger in a questioning look and Harry has to fight real hard not to laugh at the absurdity of the situation. 

“Deal,” he says and locks his pinky finger with Louis'. When he still looks doubtful, Harry adds, “Baby, I swear I will use pineapple and tell you if something's up. You can trust me.” 

His words seem to finally ease his mind and Harry watches as Louis starts to smile and leans in again. Their lips touch, tender and less desperate this time and he has the feeling Louis holds back for his sake. 

He doesn't want that though, he wants Louis to take what he truly wants and so Harry deepens the kiss and makes sure to move his body against Louis' to drive him crazy. By now, he knows exactly how to touch Louis to do just that and it doesn't take long for Louis to become a moaning mess who hungrily presses against Harry. 

“Okay, fuck it,” Louis suddenly says and swiftly moves them around until he's on top of Harry. While Harry still giggles about it, Louis kisses his way down from his chin to his belly button. When he reaches his cock, Harry draws in a sharp breath, not in the mood for giggling anymore. 

He feels his mouth like a ghost touch on his cock, light as a feather and definitely just placed to tease him. He's right about the teasing, because instead of continuing there Louis moves on to his thighs, kissing and biting him there until Harry begs him for more. 

“So impatient,” Louis mumbles but adds, “I can't wait either. Move around, show me how your ass looks in those beautiful panties.” 

Eagerly, Harry obeys and puts a pillow under his hips when he lies on his stomach, presenting his ass to Louis. 

“Fuck, you're perfect. Look at those suspenders. And your ass in those panties,” Louis says, moving his hands up Harry's thighs. 

He then moves one hand in between to play with his balls through the thin fabric. The touch feels incredibly good and Harry can't stop a loud whimper from coming out of his mouth. 

“Lou, please. Come on. I want to feel you,” he moans when Louis' other hand moves along his ass cheeks without any pressure. 

Laughing, Louis leans forward and pushes the pantie aside with his teeth. The feeling of his breath on his skin makes Harry shiver and he feels goosebumps all over his body. 

Pushing back he tries to be closer to Louis' mouth or hands or just anything. He doesn't care. All he knows is that he can't wait to finally have Louis inside of him again. His impatience earns him a playful slap on his ass, followed by a tender kiss. 

Louis lets his fingers slide in between his cheeks and when he presses a little at his hole, he asks, “You still sure about it?” 

It's his fault Louis is that insecure about it, he knows and he feels so sorry for it, but right now he wants him to stop acting like he's fragile. 

Instead of an answer Harry stretches his arm out to grab the lube from his bedside drawer and hands it to him. 

“Yes, Louis, I really want this. Can't wait actually,” he says to please him because Harry knows that he needs to hear it again.

“Is it okay if you keep your pantie on, love?” He asks and Harry just nods. Of course it's okay, everything for his Louis. 

He opens him up with way too much patience for Harry's liking, every finger fucking in and out of him in a torturous rhythm and each stroke over his prostate a sweet torment with the cause to drive him crazy. 

When Louis finally adds the third finger Harry is more than ready and pushes back to show him just how good he can take it. 

“Come on baby,” he whimpers. “Want you.” 

Still, Louis takes his time moving his fingers inside of Harry as if to make sure Harry still feels comfortable about it. 

“I swear to God, if you don't fuck me within the next five seconds I'll throw you out and use my dildo instead,” he curses at him which causes Louis to chuckle. 

“Alright, alright,” he says, grabbing his hips and positioning him quickly. Harry hears the lube bottle open and close again and he doesn't have to wait long until he finally feels the tip of Louis' cock against his hole, pressing in slowly but steadily. 

Harry loves being filled entirely by his boyfriend and waits patiently for him to bottom out. When Louis is fully inside of him, he pulls him up, his hands finding his nipples while Harry turns his head to meet Louis' lips in a wild kiss. 

Their bodies pressed together Louis starts to move, fucking into him in quick, little thrusts. Harry leans back and moves along with him, meeting him with every thrust. 

Soon he moans and breathes heavily, their kiss becomes sloppy and when he isn't able to focus on their mouths anymore Louis caresses his shoulder instead, kissing and biting down. 

His hands move down Harry's front and soon he feels Louis' fist around his cock, jerking him off while fucking into him. 

It doesn't take him long to reach his climax like that and soon Harry cries out Louis' name and collapses onto the bed. Louis follows soon after, thrusting into him hard a few more times before crying out, his cock pulsating inside of him while he spurts his cum into Harry. 

Coming back down Louis places small kisses all over Harry's back and up his neck. 

“I love you,” he whispers in his ear before rolling off of him and lying on his back. Harry quickly moves his head onto his chest, cuddling into him to be as close as possible.

“I love you too, baby,” he says, stroking Louis' arm. 

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

Waking up from their nap Harry opens Spotify to finally stream Louis’ new album which should be played all day today. 

If Louis weren't with him, he's sure he would listen to it on repeat. Not only to support him, but because Harry just loves his lyrics and beautiful voice. 

In the middle of the first song Louis opens his eyes and smiles up at him. “What are you doing?”

“Listening to your album, of course,” he answers, kissing his nose. 

Louis groans and rolls himself into a ball pressed into him. “But why?” 

“Because your music deserves to be heard, baby. Don't forget I am not only your boyfriend but also your fan.” 

“Fine,” Louis sighs. “But only one time and then we'll listen to your album.”

“We don't have to. I know you don't like my music,” Harry says after kissing him tenderly. 

“What are you talking about? I love your music.” 

They argue about that for a while until Harry gives in but silently he still thinks that Louis wouldn't listen to his music when they weren't in a relationship. 

“Don't forget we're enemies,” Louis then says, “We should give the fans and media something to talk about on release day.” 

Giggling, Harry sits up. 

“Yes, I have so many ideas,” he says, already typing out some drafts. It takes him only 5 minutes to write down 6 different versions to start an online fight and when Louis reads everything over his shoulder his mouth hangs open. 

“Harry, I'm a little offended by how easy it is for you to be mean to me. Wow,” he says and Harry only laughs at him. 

“I don't know. I suddenly felt inspired, sorry. You know I don't mean it like that, right?” 

“Of course I know that, dimple heart. It still feels strange,” he says, taking Harry's phone and looking through the drafts, deciding which one to post. 

He copies the one he wants and opens the app to tweet it in Harry's name.

Harry Styles. 

Louis Tomlinson drops 'Change' like we're supposed to embrace it? Please, the only change needed here is in your sound. Maybe something people won't instantly skip. #StylesStaysUnimpressed

Giggling, they watch the fan's reactions and wait for about five minutes until typing out Louis' reply. 

Louis Tomlinson

Styles, maybe you should have less changes and skips in your love life, would be nice to read headlines about your music instead of your changing bed partners. #StylesStaysUnimpressed #ButTomlinsonStaysNumber1

This time, their fans totally freak out about their fight and they get one notification after another and Harry has trouble finding time to type his reaction. 

Harry Styles. 

Seems like someone's more interested in my love life than my music. Maybe you're just projecting your boredom onto me. Either way, I'll keep making headlines in both realms. Cheers to being busy on all fronts! #StylesStaysUnimpressed #BoredTomlinsonNeedsALife

This time, Louis already types out his reply when Harry hits the send button and now it's Harry's turn to be offended. 

Louis Tomlinson

If the success of your music ever comes close to the size of your ego, I might even applaud you. Until then, all I have left for you is a weary yawn. Probably just like the listeners of your album. Shallow pop like any other. #StylesWho #StreamChange

“My ego isn't big!” He calls out, letting the comment on his music slide.

“I know, love,” Louis replies and kisses him sweetly before grabbing Harry's phone and typing the next tweet for him. 

Harry Styles. 

Ah, Louis, always the comedian. If my ego matched the success of my music, I'd need a stadium just to contain it. Keep yawning; maybe it's the sound of your relevance fading away. Sweet dreams. #StylesLaughsLast

“Doing it together is actually fun,” Harry says and both giggle at their phones next to each other. 

Until suddenly a notification Harry didn't expect pop up and his smile falters. 

Florence Pugh replied to your tweet. 

“What the hell,” Harry whispers to himself and opens the app to read what she has to say. 

Florence Pugh 

Dear Harry, since you're so keen to roll through the beds of all our colleagues, a little tip on the side: your big dick energy is not sexy. All your slander about my boyfriend's album doesn't make yours any better. F. x

Harry's face contorts with anger as he reads the tweet, his jaw clenching. The mention of his personal life and the explicit comment about his behaviour fuels his frustration. 

That's it, just a few words change his mood completely and Harry throws his phone onto the bed in frustration. 

“That bitch!” Harry calls out, standing up and pacing up and down, still only wearing his lace panties and suspenders. “Who does she think she is? This thing is none of her business. Tell her to shut up. God, I hate her.” 

Harry paces back and forth with visible frustration, a scowl etched on his face. His resentment towards Florence is palpable, and in a moment of anger, he clenches his fists and tugs at his own hair, struggling to contain his emotions.

“Stop it, dimple heart,” Louis says, suddenly next to him. He gently takes his hands and explains. “I texted her privately. She said management wanted her to take my side. You know, as my girlfriend. She's sorry for not giving us a heads up.” He speaks in a calm, reassuring tone, attempting to diffuse the tension and ease Harry's anger. 

Harry looks at him and tries desperately to fight his jealousy and breathe his anger away. He still hates everything about Florence and her relationship with Louis even if it's just a pretended one and he has pretended dates now too. 

It bothers him so much, it was the first thing he talked through in his new online therapy. 

“I don't want her to talk to me, not even online. Never. I can't stand her and I hate that you're with her more than with me. If I had a say in it you wouldn't talk to her either,” he whispers, the first tears streaming down his face, knowing well that he's exaggerating and doesn't have any right to say something like that. 

Louis kisses his tears away, holding him as if he's a piece of paper. 

“I know you don't like her, but she's actually nice and after your outburst at the gala she told me to talk to you about it when I didn't know if I should. You should give her a chance.” 

“You wanted to end things?” He asks, crying even harder at the thought of losing his soulmate due to his jealousy. 

“I don't know, Harry. It was just a hard situation and I was confused. But that's not the point. The point is that she's actually nice and I think you should get to know her,” Louis says, kissing his head now and tightening his embrace. 

For a while longer he cries in his arms, mourning the freedom they can't have but trying to focus on everything they can have. 

“I can't wait to move to London in January,” Harry says when his tears finally stop falling down. 

“Me too, but my tour starts mid January so it doesn't change things for long,” Louis answers and when Harry looks up and his lip wobbles again he adds, “But we have my birthday, Christmas and New Year's this month and I can't wait to spend those days with you.” 

It's really smart that Louis doesn't point out how he has to do promo with Florence on New Year's Eve before they can see each other but Harry hasn't forgotten about it. 

Of course, he has to do some disgusting promo stuff as well and they both have lots of interviews and appearances at shows to promote their albums this month so they will be too busy to even realise they can't spend much time together. Or at least that's what Harry tells himself. 

Just when Harry relaxes again and they talk about their Christmas plans, how to manage both of their families and still have some alone time, Louis' phone doesn't stop vibrating again. 

Confused, he looks down to read something on his screen but only a second later, a wide smile spreads onto his face. 

“Fuck, Harry, you won't believe this,” Louis says, happiness radiating off of him. Unable to contain his own smile, Harry watches Louis' features and is about to kiss him again, when he holds out his phone and asks Harry to read. 

Paolo Nutini 

@louist91 Sick album, mate. Congratulations.  

Harry's dramatic reaction unfolds like a private comedy sketch, with only Louis as the unwitting spectator. As Paolo's tweet about Louis infiltrates their moment, Harry's eyes widen to the size of saucers, and his fingers tap the phone screen in a frantic bid to reverse the perceived calamity. The air becomes charged with an unspoken jealousy, creating a peculiar atmosphere that even the emojis on his phone can't escape. It's a scene straight out of a quirky indie film, where the humour lies in the exaggerated gasps and the impromptu interpretive dance of despair performed solely for Louis's bemused eyes. The duo inadvertently becomes the stars of their own unique, jealousy-fueled comedy show. 

Louis, with a mischievous glint in his eyes, quips to Harry, "Looks like Paolo's giving my album a publicity boost. Who knew my music had such magical effects on people's tweeting habits?" He smirks, turning the situation into a playful tease, as if Paolo's tweets were all part of an elaborate marketing strategy orchestrated by the universe itself.

Despite the storm of jealousy brewing within, Harry valiantly attempts to weather the emotional tempest with a playful facade. He musters a wry grin, suppressing the urge to take Paolo's tweet too seriously and seeing him as a potential threat. 

In a valiant effort to keep the atmosphere light, he jokes, "Well, Paolo must have mistaken my album for yours. It happens to the best of us." 

His words, laced with humour, serve as a shield against the jealousy, turning the situation into a comedy of errors rather than a serious showdown of emotions.

As Harry and Louis find themselves in the midst of a playful banter, a mischievous glint in their eyes sparks a lighthearted skirmish. Louis, with a sly grin, initiates a mock battle of tickles and gentle shoves.

Laughter echoes through the room as their antics escalate, creating an atmosphere where the line between jest and genuine affection blurs. In an unexpected turn, Harry seizes the moment to sneak in a tender kiss, catching Louis off guard. The playful fight morphs into a shared moment of joy, culminating in genuine laughter and exchanged kisses – a testament to the magnetic connection between them.

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

The rest of the day, they listen to their albums but otherwise don't use any technology, avoiding the outside world. 

Lounging in bed together, Louis and Harry share a serene moment, each immersed in their favourite books. The room is filled with the soft rustle of pages turning and the warmth of shared blankets. Louis, with his captivating voice, reads aloud snippets from his beloved book, painting vivid worlds with his words.

As Harry listens intently, he reciprocates by offering passages from his own cherished book. The air is charged with a quiet intimacy, punctuated by the occasional shared laughter or exchanged glances that speak volumes. In this literary cocoon, they find solace, their worlds merging through the magic of storytelling, creating a shared narrative that extends beyond the pages of their individual books.

It's the perfect afternoon, just spending time together and enjoying every second in each other's arms. 

They don't talk about serious topics any more but the thoughts continue to creep in again and again, no matter how hard Harry fights them. 

Harry is not sure if Louis knows about his thoughts but when he lets Harry fuck him later, he doesn't complain about all the marks Harry leaves on his skin in a desperate attempt to show everyone, and especially Florence and Louis, that he belongs to him.

Chapter Text

It's only awkward 
if you let it bе.

-Silvia Donahue

Louis wakes up to loud music coming from somewhere in his house and he opens his eyes in surprise, groping confusedly in the semi-darkness for Harry, who arrived late last night and actually fell asleep cuddled up to him. But the side of the bed is cold and empty but Joe Cocker’s 'You can leave your hat on' is booming to him and no matter how tired Louis is, he wants to know what that means. Especially on his birthday. His cock has already come to life and it seems to have already understood the first assumptions or rather hope for sexy time while Louis' brain is still trying to realise it and stumbles his way to the bedroom door.

Dressed only in his briefs, he feels a little cold and ruffles through his sleep-ravaged hair.

He runs down the stairs more than he walks and when he arrives in the living room, Harry is already sitting in the middle of the room, grinning and with his legs crossed on a chair from the kitchen. He lasciviously twirls a curly strand of hair around his finger, smiles at him with a wink and mouths the lyrics to the song 'Baby, take off your dress.'

Louis' mouth hangs open, his cock is stiff in his underwear and he's probably already drooling. Because Harry looks otherworldly. He's wearing red lace panties, red stockings on his long legs, he even has a small red bow in his hair and when he finally lounges sexily up from his chair and then turns around, Louis is about to faint. Because with his hands on the backrest, he bends down and stretches out his bum - and it's not just panties but a thong with a big red bow on top of his ass cheeks. He erotically wiggles his hips back and forth in this position and looks over his shoulders, licking his lips before slowly moving towards him, rocking his hips to the beat.

"Oh my fucking god," Louis breathes as Harry stands in front of him, closing his mouth with a finger on his chin and then sealing it with his soft lips. His kiss is just as sensual and sexy as the entire performance so far. Louis' hands place themselves on Harry's thighs and slowly move up the fine material, then back to his bottom, which he cups with both hands and grips tightly. In this breath he pulls Harry even closer to him but Harry lets go of him, grabs his hair a little tighter and pulls Louis' head back.

He immediately opens his eyes and a soft groan escapes him.

Harry grins and clicks his tongue, shaking his head in amusement at him. “You are not in control here today, birthday boy. You’re just enjoying the show… Love how sexy you look so sleepy by the way.”

"Fuck, Harry," Louis sighs and goosebumps spread all over his body as Harry still doesn't release his hold on him, grabbing him in his hair with one hand and licking a finger on his other only to move it over Louis' chest to let it streak down. 

“Mhm, afterwards baby, definitely. I just don't know who is fucking who yet... By the way, happy birthday, love of my life, I hope you like your surprise?" Harry whispers and finally lets go of Louis, gives him one last kiss before he slowly walks around Louis with his finger still on his chest, his hand following his steps until he arrives in front of him again and Louis has to hold on to himself so as not to immediately pounce on him.

Next, his hands lie on his chest and Louis can only breathe wildly as Harry, looking deep into his eyes, slides with his hips in circles down on him and, when he's crouched down, gives him a kiss on his cock above the briefs.

“I think you like it? Have you lost your language, Lou?” Harry grins up at him.

“You are amazing, dimple heart. I... yeah... can't speak anymore," Louis swallows, unable to believe that this miracle of a man is his boyfriend. What did he do to deserve this?

Harry remains crouched in front of him, placing many small kisses on his thighs while his hands caress the skin of Louis that they reach in the position. Groaning, Louis leans his head back and holds back from just coming on the spot or grabbing Harry's hair to indicate to him that kisses are no longer enough here.

"More darling," Louis whispers and looks back down at Harry who just shakes his head with a grin but teases him with a hand on his bulge despite everything while Joe Cocker is replaced by 'I see red' by Everybody loves an Outlaw.

“Get on the chair with you Lou, now the real show begins,” Harry says quietly and snakes his way up to him again, kisses him briefly and hard before pulling him behind him onto the chair where he pushes him down.

Harry, standing in front of him, moves to the music, letting his hands slide over his body, never taking his eyes off Louis' piercing gaze, but with enough distance so that he can't touch him. Oh and what he would do to pull him close even though Harry's dance is definitely worth holding back for a moment longer.

But Louis' strength is put to the test when Harry places one leg on the chair between his thighs, leans forward and slowly runs a hand from his foot up to his own bulge and if Louis is right he even sees a wet stain on the fine fabric, his cock hardened underneath. But nothing holds him back as the next moment Harry sits with his legs apart on his lap and he leans his upper body back, his abs so fully on display. Louis quickly grabs him around his middle, holding him securely so that Harry can straighten his back even more. And Louis really can't help but lean forward and take one of the nipples into his mouth, sucking gently and biting down on it.

The loud music, the sexual tension and the eyes closed with lust are probably to blame for the fact that neither of them notices the front door opening. When he hears a quiet scream and a gasp, both of their eyes open and what Louis sees immediately causes his dick to shrink and his heart to beat faster in shock.

His entire family stands in the large passage from the hallway to the living room, packed with helium balloons and presents. His mother drops one of them to cover the eyes of the smallest twins while his sisters turn around, giggling.

Louis, on the other hand, pushes a frozen Harry off his lap to quickly grab the blanket on the sofa and throw it spread out over him.

Harry's face is on fire just like his own and Louis doesn't know what to do, how to behave and just looks to Harry for help, who has turned away from everything and is rushing to the music box. The silence that follows seconds later is uncomfortable and Louis closes his eyes, just wanting to sink into the ground.

“What… What are you doing here? How did you get in? Like, what the fuck? Have you never heard of a doorbell ringing?” Louis finally whispers and then looks at his family while Harry says goodbye quietly and runs up the stairs wrapped in his blanket.

“We didn't ring the bell because we wanted to surprise you, Boo,” his mother says with an apologetic expression and seemingly just as uncomfortable as he is. “We couldn't have guessed... that... well... whatever, we got in with the spare key anyway that you once gave me in case of an emergency.”

"This isn't an emergency," Louis hisses between clenched teeth, then adds. “Although, now it is. My boyfriend will probably never step foot out of the bedroom again. I… I’ll check on him.”

And with that, Louis also runs up the stairs and finally finds Harry lying on his stomach on his bed, visibly crying and Louis throws himself next to him in one swift move, one arm over his back.

"Harry, darling... fuck I'm so sorry," Louis whimpers and when Harry's head turns to his side and he finds his eyes, which had just been clouded with lust, now bright green from his tears, he can't help but let a few tears in too shed.

“It's so embarrassing. Down right humiliating... I feel like I'm going to throw up at any moment," Harry whispers and rolls over to him, pressing himself close to him and Louis holds him tightly in his arms as Harry lets his shame out in a stream of tears.

“Shhh darling, I'm so sorry it ended like this. Your show was so sexy and you... words cannot describe you. It was still the most beautiful and erotic surprise I ever got for my birthday,” Louis tells him, but instead of calming him down, he just starts crying louder.

“How am I ever going to face them again?” Harry asks desperately and presses his face into his chest so that Louis is briefly afraid that he won't be able to breathe.

"Dimple heart...look at me," Louis asks gently, placing a hand on his cheek to lift his face. He looks deeply into his eyes. "It was embarrassing, yes. Fuck... I hope mum covered the little one's eyes quickly enough... but, my family is cool. And they have the decency not to say anything more about it. Or at least enough sensitivity that they can imagine how embarrassed we are, okay? I mean, it happened and the only way we can deal with it now is … I don’t even know. We can’t stay up here in the bedroom forever.”

Harry sniffles and sobs heartbreakingly. “They should learn to announce themselves in advance,” he says indignantly, making Louis laugh quietly despite the situation.

“Believe me, I will have a serious conversation with them about it. Come on, let's get dressed and go downstairs. We can do this together okay?" Louis asks and lovingly wipes the tears from Harry's eyes and cheek, giving him a gentle kiss on the tip of his nose.

"I do not want to. But yeah, you're right, we can't stay hidden here forever. And all I wanted was to seduce you,” he cries.

“How about you keep your sexy underwear on. Put a pair of wide jogging pants over it and later I’ll unpack my best present when everyone’s gone,” Louis suggests.

“Do you really think they’ll disappear today? They'll definitely stay here, after all, tomorrow is Christmas and they wanted to come here anyway," Harry sighs.

“Oh… yeah, you might be right,” Louis agrees, disappointed. “But we could have sex quietly?”

"You and I both know that's not possible," Harry rolls his eyes and rolls away from Louis with a groan and, sniffling and grumbling to himself, helps himself to things from Louis' wardrobe as a matter of course.

Since he likes to wear oversized clothes himself, Harry finds something that fits him very well every time he visits and he actually puts on a pair of his wider jogging pants over his sexy outfit and if that isn't a real tragedy.

Louis steps next to him with a sigh and takes his face in his hands before he can put on a hoodie.

“I love you Harry. Thanks again and I'm sorry I'm blessed with a crazy family," he says before pulling him in for a kiss.

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

It still took a whole half hour before Harry felt ready to go downstairs and no matter how much Louis encouraged him, despite everything he keeps his head bowed, his cheeks crimson red and his hand clenched tightly around his fingers.

They both follow his family's voices and find them in the kitchen.

All eyes immediately turn to them and Jay literally storms towards both of them and pulls them into her two arms.

"I am so sorry. Especially towards you, Harry. I can imagine how uncomfortable it must be for you. But don't forget that I was once young too and my many children didn't happen on their own," she murmurs.

Louis pulls back and exclaims, “Mum! Please! I... no... please, I don't want any images in my head of you and... no! It was disturbing enough for today.”

Harry, on the other hand, chuckles quietly and gives Jay a slight nod of gratitude before lowering his head again.

“You’re right Boo. We’ve already all decided not to talk about it again and have prepared breakfast,” Jay quickly relents and then pulls Louis into another single hug. “Happy birthday my boy, my firstborn. I’m so glad I have you.”

“Thanks, mum,” Louis smiles and gets another kiss on the cheek from her before his sisters and little brother also pounce on him and congratulate him.

And in fact the mood among his family is normal as always, they are loud and everyone talks over the others so Louis clears his throat briefly to get their attention.

"Um, Mum and Lottie already know Harry but I wanted to officially introduce him to the rest of you as my boyfriend."

Harry, who had been silently holding his arm, raises his hand, looking shy, and waves awkwardly to his siblings. While Lottie and Fizzy just grin and quickly hug Harry, the younger twins Phoebe and Daisy are now as red as two tomatoes themselves and almost reverently offer Harry their hand and murmur a quiet "Hi" almost in sync.

The little twins sit on the floor and play something that Jay brought with her and just wave up at Harry with a smile.

“What’s wrong with you girls? I don’t know you like that,” Louis asks, turning to Phoebe and Daisy.

Lottie cackles, "Didn't you know that those two are Harry's biggest fans?"

“Not from me?” Louis asks in horror and puts his hands on his hips while Harry just gives him a smile and raises an eyebrow.

"You're our brother Lou," Daisy rolls her eyes and then looks evil at Lottie, who just revealed her secret like that.

Louis scoffs. “You are all traitors.”

"Lou," Harry laughs quietly and Louis couldn't be happier to finally hear that again. “You already got Paolo’s attention. At least let me have your sisters.”

"Oh my god," Phoebe squeals, making the rest of the family giggle and the two smallest twins just look up in confusion. They don't seem to fully understand what's so special about their brother's new boyfriend and somehow Louis likes that.

“I would like to have breakfast now. Because it's my birthday. In case anyone has forgotten that,” Louis grumbles and meanders past the others to grumpily grab a pancake that is presented among many other delicacies on the kitchen table.

His chance for sex is gone and he is a horny man, a year older now, whose family caught him during foreplay, with a boyfriend who smiles shyly, speaks quietly to Phoebe and Daisy and doesn't pay any attention to him. A shame. From now on, Louis never wants to celebrate his birthday again - or just far away from his family and Harry naked among himself.

His mother, the smallest twins and his oldest sisters find themselves at the table while behind him Phoebe and Daisy squeal and giggle in delight and when he looks over his shoulders he sees how Harry is already autographing everything they are throwing at him - their phones, notepads and even on their sweatshirts.

While the women in his family grin in silence at the table, Louis of course can't resist making a comment.

"Hey Styles, you're lucky that you're so cute... and that I love you... but otherwise I'm extremely offended!"

Harry looks back with a frown and accidentally draws a line on Daisy's cheek with the marker, and even with that he gets heart eyes from his sister, while Harry frowns briefly, then grins and blows him an air kiss.

“He knows how to take you. I like him very much,” his mother whispers to him, patting his hand.

And as if Louis was really mad. A soft smile plays on his mouth as he looks up at his mother.

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

Harry exhales audibly as they enter the bedroom hand in hand late in the evening.

"Your family is funny and so nice... But also very tiring," Harry sighs and falls backwards on the bed. And Louis on top of him so that Harry gasps for air.

“God Louis are you smothering me?” Harry giggles, who had been quiet all day, acting more as a silent listener than an active member that day. Totally understandable for Louis after this morning incident.

"Yes with my love," he chirps back, peppering Harry's face with little kisses.

"You do, baby," Harry grins, rolling Louis off of him. “Can I just give you your gift quickly first, please?”

“The show again? Here in private?" Louis asks in surprise, but Harry quickly shakes his head.

“Nope, something else.”

“But please only hand it to me in your sexy outfit. Please. I need to see you in that again,” Louis begs, making puppy eyes and blinking his eyelashes quickly as Harry looks at him.

"Okay," Harry nods, but quickly goes to the bedroom door and locks it. The rest of the family has disappeared into their guest rooms, but Louis prefers to be on the safe side and gives Harry a thumbs up.

As Harry begins to pull his sweater over his head, Louis begins to quietly hum the song that woke him up this morning and Harry laughs quietly. His cheeks turn red once again, but otherwise he actually moves to Louis' hum and circles his hips like he did in the morning while he giggles to himself as his pants fall to the floor. And again Louis is speechless, the humming on his lips falls silent - he is just so wonderstruck.

"Close your mouth, baby," Harry winks at him, but Louis just gives him the middle finger and stares shamelessly as Harry goes to the bag he brought with him and bends down to rummage around in it.

Louis admires only art. Anyone would do that.

Finally, Harry comes to him with a lovingly wrapped present and sits down on the bed, huddled close to him.

“For you, Lou. I love you," he whispers and Louis can hardly pay attention to the package with Harry sitting next to him like this.

Harry also seems to notice it and is forcing the gift on him. “Stop staring and look inside… maybe if you’re really nice and quiet I could give you a blowjob… in this outfit.”

Louis nods immediately and looks away from Harry, quickly ripping open the paper and looking at a photo album. Green leather, almost exactly like Harry's eyes. Louis already loves it.

"Look inside baby," Harry nudges his side.

“I just admire this green. It's just like your eyes. Was that intentional?” Louis asks and compares the colours again by staring deep into his boyfriend’s eyes.

Harry makes a funny grimace, moving his face closer so that the tips of their noses touch, making Louis laugh softly as Harry opens his eyes extra wide.

"Naturally. I've considered everything that could bring you joy," Harry finally answers his question and Louis gives him a quick kiss before finally opening the photo album.

On the first page there is a small text in Harry's handwriting.

My wonderful Lou, my boyfriend, my soulmate…

You probably never noticed how I secretly took photos of you. Always in my favourite moments, when you were completely yourself. So beautiful. Then when I love you the most or no… always a little more.

You're everything to me.

Forever, your dimple heart

Louis already has tears in his eyes and puts an arm around Harry's shoulders, pulls him close and lovingly strokes his upper arm.

“Can you turn the page for me?” he asks quietly and Harry nods.

A page further is the first photo, Louis lying naked on his stomach and sleeping, his hair messed up, the duvet covers only his legs and half of his butt. Soft light filters into the bedroom through the curtains and it is black and white.

Just look how beautiful you look even in your sleep. My perfect idiot.

Louis loves that Harry added a little note here and hopes that it will be reflected in the next pages.

“You have a talent for photography,” Louis praises quietly.

“It’s just the model,” Harry replies gently, turning the page.

In this photo, Louis is in the shower, leaning his head back to rinse out the shampoo. It's in Harry's shower and Louis laughs quietly.

I love it when you sing in the shower. Or when the water runs over your body. You are the most beautiful temptation - and all mine!

“That has something of a stalker, dimple heart,” he grins at Harry.

“I'm your boyfriend Lou, I'm allowed to do that,” Harry just shrugs his shoulders and Louis agrees with him.

Harry turns the page again and this time Louis can be seen sitting at the table at his home. He remembers the morning, it was when Harry woke him up by making breakfast for him. But Louis sits there, with an imprint of the pillow on his face, looking sullenly out of the window, his head resting on his hand.

I love it when you sulk and are all grumpy. You look so cute and I could eat you up every time.

"Oh God Harry, I look terrible," Louis whines, burying his face in Harry's shoulder.

“No, beautiful. Always. Doesn’t matter when. God, I love you so much,” Harry says immediately and strokes his head, tickling the back of his neck lightly.

“No, I’m just ugly in this photo!”

“Oh, stop this nonsense right now,” Harry murmurs and suddenly the photo album hits the floor with a loud noise. Louis looks questioningly at Harry, but he has already pushed him backwards onto the bed, sits with his legs apart on him and in the next second has his hands pinned above his head.

“How about I show you how beautiful you are to me, hmm?” Harry whispers and cocky raises an eyebrow.

"That escalated quickly," Louis murmurs back but nods eagerly at Harry's answer.

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

The next morning brings out a more relaxed Harry, it's almost as if the night had put a veil over the events and the shame of yesterday and instead brought out a Christmas carol singing boyfriend.

He's been laughing and joking around with his siblings all morning while Louis and his mother sit silently next to each other on the sofa and just enjoy the hustle and bustle.

For Phoebe and Daisy he is completely forgotten anyway and both of them are literally stuck to Harry and no longer leave his side. Sitting on the floor, Harry plays with his youngest siblings with building blocks they were given while Phoebe and Daisy poke questions at him and Harry patiently answers all of them as best he can. Fizzy and Lottie, on the other hand, sit behind Harry and braid his hair with his permission only to undo it and start again.

How Louis would love to post a picture of them now and show the world how happy they are. But he's not allowed to do that, but he takes several photos on his phone for himself.

"What did you actually get from Harry for Christmas?" I didn't even notice in the chaos before," Jay suddenly whispers, leaning her head on Louis' shoulder.

“A spare key to his new apartment here in London. As soon as he officially moves in in January, I can and should come over at any time," he answers back just as quietly and then leans his head against his mother's.

“I love seeing you like this. So in love. And he loves you just as obviously. There's nothing better for a mother than to see that," she says and Louis nods.

“Nothing has ever felt more right,” Louis smiles.

“Then fight so that you don’t lose each other. I'm sorry for how hard it all is for you," Jay replies.

“Together we’re the greatest. We can do it."

And with that he remembers the song he recently finished writing. And if he can't post a photo, then at least a tweet with a snippet from it. He doesn't care whether the fans or people interpret it as a declaration of love for Florence.

But he can't wait for Harry to read it and see the look on his face when he realises that these are lyrics from his song that Louis wrote for Harry.

Louis Tomlinson

We're the greatest
It's you and me until the end
Merry Christmas to all of you! May your hearts be as full of love as mine.

Chapter Text

It's funny. No matter how hard you try, you can't close your heart forever. And the minute you open it up, you never know what's going to come in.

But when it does, you just have to go for it! Because if you don't, there's no point in being here.

- Kirstie Alley

“Lou, you're so embarrassing!” Phoebe suddenly calls out and Harry sees her looking down at her phone. 

She shows her phone around to everyone but Harry and the reactions vary from teasing Louis more to giggling and loud awww s.

Incredibly nervous he holds his hand out and signals Phoebe to give it to her, smiling sweetly because he knows she won't say no if he looks at her like that. A little manipulative, he knows, but well. He's desperate to see why Louis is “embarrassing” in her opinion. 

When he finally holds the phone in his hands he looks down to see a tweet. For a moment, he's disappointed -he was hoping for a cute picture or something like that- but when he reads his words Harry feels himself blushing and happiness flooding his whole body.

Louis Tomlinson

We're the greatest
It's you and me until the end
Merry Christmas to all of you! May your hearts be as full of love as mine.

Ignoring the already emotional discussion under the tweet whether Louis means Flo or someone else, he proudly notices his own name as the top suspect, he hands Phoebe her phone back just to jump into Louis' arms and give him small pecks all over his face.

“I love you, Lou. I love you so much,” he says and when he hears groans and cheers around them he blushes, suddenly reminded of yesterday's incident. Which was the worst thing that ever happened to him and he wants nothing more than to forget it ever happened. 

Not so keen on showing physical affection anymore he lets go of Louis and takes a step back. 

“Erm, I mean,” he says shyly, “thank you for the tweet. It's very cute. I appreciate it.” 

He notices he's being awkward again when Louis mocks him with a raised eyebrow, “You're very welcome. I appreciate your gratitude.”

He decides to just laugh it off and feels thankful when Louis' family, now his family too, joins him easily.

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

The next day, Gemma and his mum join them and it becomes even more chaotic and louder in Louis' house, but somehow Harry likes it. He loves to see how easy their families fit together and how close they all get within a few hours. 

It's like two families melting into one and it's the coolest thing ever to see how everyone loves everyone so effortlessly. 

Okay, there might be one exception, because Lottie and Gemma are the worst together. 

Of course, his sister knows about the incident he never wanted to talk about again after just half an hour with Lottie and to show him just that, Gemma asks him to tell her where he got his pantie from. With a hot and most likely glowing head he just hisses at her to shut up and quickly joins their mums for rescue. 

The rest of the day goes by without any incidents. It's almost suspicious how well everything works out but Harry won't question it. Instead, he just enjoys the time they have together, sings Christmas songs and laughs with everyone.

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

The week leading to New Year's is a busy one for Harry. 

In between packing for his move to London, his management sends him to a party again to be seen with some celebrities -no pretend one night stands this time, thank God- and they have a meeting to reschedule his small Britain tour. 

They originally only planned four concerts in front of around 1.500 people each but now he's more successful than expected and they add a few shows in venues up to 5.000 people and Harry has to do a promo video for it to post on social media.

harrystyles

Guess who couldn't resist giving you more? Excited to announce additional shows in Britain! Thank you for your support. See you there!

Of course, Louis has to react to that but they're on the phone, writing it together, so Harry doesn't mind at all. 

louist91

More shows, Styles? Trying to compete with my fan base, or just making up for lost time?  #TomlinsonDoesItBetter

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

On New Year's Eve Harry arrives early at Louis' house, where the party will be. Their closest friends will come over later and celebrate the new year together with them. 

Harry feels incredibly nervous, they didn't have time to get to know their friends yet and he wants to make a good impression on them. 

Which won't be easy, given that it's only 10 am and he's already in a sour mood and fighting his jealousy because Florence will arrive soon to pick up Louis and go out with him to show everyone that they're celebrating together. It's the full program with kissing, touching and cuddling in public this time and Harry feels sick just from thinking about it. 

Adding to that, Luke announced to arrive early tonight to connect the beer keg because apparently he's the only one who can do it. If Harry is especially unlucky, he'll even arrive before Louis returns from his date with Florence and only the thought of facing this good-looking asshole alone makes Harry sick. 

Of course, he can't show his jealousy today, Harry doesn't want to ruin another night with it, but it will be hard to contain himself and he already feels himself crumble. 

At least, it will be his lips Louis kisses at midnight because he belongs to him, he tells himself to ease his mind. 

“Don't look so grumpy, dimple heart,” Louis tells him and pulls him into a hug. “We'll have the best party tonight and I can't wait to start the next year with you at my side.” 

“I love you, baby,” Harry answers, but feeling his still prominent frown. He can't just switch it off. 

To cover up he cups Louis' face, leans in and presses their lips together in a tender but passionate kiss. Their tongues meet on instinct and Harry loves how Louis grips his hair to hold him close. 

He moves them backwards and soon presses Louis against a wall, still kissing his beautiful mouth, while he lets his hands wander under his shirt to feel his hot, soft skin under his hands. 

When he lets one hand slide further down he feels Louis' already hard cock through his trousers and a small moan escapes his lips. 

Louis bites his bottom lip and pulls him in even more when Harry starts to move against him, their bulges moving against each other.

Both start to pant inside their mouths and Harry is about to pick Louis up and carry him to his bedroom when Florence Pugh ruins everything once again by ringing the bell. 

Groaning, he takes a step back and watches as Louis fixes his pants so that his boner isn't too obvious anymore as he says, “Fuck. I forgot the time. Do you want to come with me and say hi to Flo?” 

“No, thank you. I think I'm good here. Have fun groping her,” Harry hisses, not able to keep the jealousy out of the conversation. 

Sighing, Louis answers, already on his way to the door, “I don't have time to discuss this with you now, Harry. I can only say that I love you and that you're the only one for me, okay? She doesn't mean anything and you know I just do this because of my contract, right?” 

“Yes babe, I know. It's just… nevermind,” Harry answers reluctantly. “I love you too.”

Harry should just go up to the bedroom or to the kitchen to prepare something for tonight but somehow he feels himself drawn to the pair in the entrance area.

He approaches them quietly and keeps himself hidden, only listening in. Why he does it, he can't explain. He trusts Louis, he really does. And he knows that he is gay, so his jealousy doesn't make any sense, but still, he just needs to see, or rather hear, for himself, that they're only this close in front of a camera and that it doesn't mean anything. They're not in a relationship and nothing happens between them when they don't have to pose for the media, right? At least Harry hopes it's like that, because he wouldn't survive if Louis just leads him on. Which he doesn't. Shit. Of course he doesn't. They talk all the time and even got to know their families. He really has to relax but Harry can't fight his inner beast who is about to take over him completely if he doesn't find out more about Louis and Florence. 

When he's close enough to hear them, Harry stops and listens in, holding his breath. 

“I really wanted to get to know him better,” he hears Florence's voice. 

“I know but he didn't want to come with me. It's his jealousy I think,” Louis answers and Harry hates the fact that he talks to her about that. He hates that Louis trusts her enough to talk about Harry, to talk about their problems.

“Still?” Florence asks in a way too soft, concerned voice. For a moment he doesn't hear anything and he feels relieved for a second, thinking that Louis at least doesn't tell her everything. But then he hears Florence's voice again, “Don't be sad, little bean. Come here.” 

He hears some movements and the sounds of fabric rubbing together and that's it. Harry has reached his breaking point.

All he sees is red. He hates Florence. He hates Louis for letting her in. He hates himself for being like that. He just hates everyone and everything. 

Furious and already with tears in his eyes Harry leaves his hiding spot and curses when he sees them in a tight embrace. 

“Shit, I knew it,” he mutters in a venomous voice, looking at them both with a hateful expression. 

Surprised, they almost jump away from each other, clearly uncomfortable for being caught in the act. 

“Harry, I thought you didn't want to say hello to Flo,” Louis says hypocritical, as if his hands weren't around her waist just seconds ago.

“Maybe I changed my mind,” Harry states, folding his arms in front of his chest. “But I obviously disturb you and ruin your intimate little moment.” 

Harry doesn't have to look at Louis to know he's furious now. His sounds and words are enough. 

“You can't be real, Harry. Not again. No. I am with you and I am still gay. I don't get why-” 

“Louis, I think Harry and I should talk,” Florence interrupts and when Louis doesn't react she adds, “In private. We'll call for you, okay? Now go and let me talk to him. You can trust me.” 

Louis nods and walks past him without another word and Harry can't believe how much power she has over him. That's not right. Why does he trust her? What kind of relationship do they really have? Is it a better relationship than theirs? 

“I don't want to talk to you,” Harry says, not looking at her and still with his arms crossed. 

“Harry please, I think a conversation would be important for both of us. But especially for you, I don't want you to feel so bad as a partner all the time,” Florence says, her voice kind, too kind. 

He doesn't want to talk to her of all people. If he had his way neither he nor Louis would talk to her ever again. Shaking his head, he answers, “If you want to talk, fine, I'll listen, but I have nothing to say to you.”

For a moment, Florence just looks at him, obviously trying to figure out what to say. When she finally speaks, her voice is quiet and she seems to be unsure. 

“Okay fine, then just listen. But I don't think you're behaving very maturely right now. I thought we were meeting at eye level.”

Harry just rolls his eyes at her. They obviously meet at eye level, given how much they have in common. They even kiss the same guy after all. 

“I don't give a shit about being mature about it. You're clearly close to my boyfriend. Too close and not just for the media as Louis tries to tell me.”

“So that's what bothers you most about it? Or what is it that makes you hate me so much? I just want to understand in order to find the right words.”

Suddenly this situation is too much for him and Harry feels the first tears slipping out of his eyes. He's angry and sad at the same time and he feels ashamed for feeling that way. Harry doesn't even know how to explain what's going on inside of him, he's too confused himself. 

“I don't know, okay?! You're with him all the time and I, I don't have anything. You're the one at his side, his partner, and I'm nothing. I feel like I'm nothing.”

“Harry,” Florence sighs and looks at him with a frown on her face. “Would you rather Louis be completely uncomfortable every time we have to play this? I can only speak for myself but it's not easy for me either... and I consider Louis a friend after this time together. You know better than I do how great Louis is, and I'm grateful not to have to do a stunt with someone who completely disgusts me. I think you seem to forget that I'm not doing this voluntarily? It's because I'm queer and my management insists on it just like Louis‘. What's more... I was once in the same situation as you... I...” 

Florence stops mid-sentence, looking down but Harry still sees the tears glistening in her eyes. Shit, he doesn't want to be mean or to make her feel bad. It's not even about her specifically, if he's honest to himself, it's about the whole situation. Of course he's glad that they get along well, he knows how bad a date with someone you can't stand is after all, and doing it repeatedly sounds like a nightmare. Still, it hurts so much and Florence might not be the reason for it but she's the person who’s just always there, touching and kissing his boyfriend. 

Trying to be more sensible, to seem as if he has at least a little control over himself he says, “No, I mean, I know that. And of course I don't want you to hate each other, but... I just can't help it. Can't you understand that the whole situation hurts me? You say you were in the same situation, so you should understand how it feels.”

Looking into her eyes, he sees her own sadness and somehow Harry sees her in a completely different light. Not as the monster who steals his boyfriend but as a complex person, who suffers herself. 

“I understand you better than anyone else. I was once you. She... she was... no, she is my great love. Even after all these years. She's a very successful singer herself and she took it upon herself to do this stunt back then to protect me. And I was so jealous. I was literally blinded by jealousy the longer the stunt went on. I destroyed everything with it. The pressure not to be seen together, to look straight and all the fights between us ... It was the worst break up and I've been empty ever since. I don't want that for you Harry, even if you think I'm a monster. I talked Louis into it back then at the gala and I'm doing the same for you. I want nothing more than for you to be happy. A happy ending that I couldn't have. Please don't hate me for a role I have to play. The only thing I feel for Louis is friendship. And maybe one day I can even be a friend to you. If not, that's okay too, but please... don't make the same mistakes I did.”

She radiates sadness now and Harry suffers with her. She already found her great love… and lost her due to jealousy. What if he loses Louis because of it as well? What if it's the same story they just repeat now?

No, he can't let that happen. He can't lose Louis, he's his soulmate after all. But he sees how problematic his jealousy is, how often he destroys something in their relationship and how much he hurts not only himself but also Louis with it. 

Flo still stands in front of him with tears in her eyes. 

“Flo, I'm so sorry to hear that. I'm sorry you couldn't become happy, really. I wish it would have been different for you,” he says, squeezing her arm to emphasise his words. 

“Thank you, Harry,” she whispers, her voice barely audible.

After thinking about his next words, Harry adds, “Thank you for trying to help Louis and me, I'm just not sure anyone can. I can't do anything against my jealousy. God, I even go to therapy, but my thoughts and feelings are just there and sometimes I can't do anything against it. I don't know how to change it. I don't know how to stop Louis from running away from me and my jealousy.” 

He full on cries now but somehow he isn't afraid to show her his true feelings anymore, now that he sees her in a different way. 

“I don't know how long you've been in therapy for this, but maybe it needs a little more time. Of course you can't help the way you feel, but I hope the conversation between us helps you a little? Or is there anything else I can do to help you? And please, if it's bad again with the jealousy then talk. Don't shout or reproach. Just talk about it.”

Thinking about it, this conversation might have just been what he needed. 

“I don't know if it'll help. I hope so, but I don't know. I mean, it's certainly good that I know you better and know about your past. Did you ever find a way to overcome your jealousy?”

Praying that she found a way and can give him some advice, he impatiently waits for her answer. Unfortunately, her words don't help him at all. 

“I certainly learnt from the break up, the hard way ... of course I couldn't help the feelings back then, just like you, but I should have handled it differently. It's too late now. I've never loved as much since then... I can't tell you if I would be as jealous again in a next relationship. You know, I think it would really be easier if you could be free in your love but... unfortunately people are stupid and a sweet couple like you has to suffer. Erm... if you ever need someone to talk to, you're welcome to contact me ok?”

It almost sounds like she could be a friend, but he doesn't want to think that far just now. Instead, he says, “Thank you, Flo. I actually think it might help if I could talk to you sometimes. If I'm not too much that is. Do you have time to wait a little longer before you start your circus? I think I have to apologise to Louis.” 

Smiling, but still with tears in her eyes, she answers, “You're not too much Harry, don't worry. And yes, we still have some time, but hurry up. I'm so relieved we could talk.”

“Thank you. And I'm so sorry for my bad behaviour towards you as well. I'll make it up to you. I don't know how, but I'll find a way.” 

Flo smiles and nods and Harry awkwardly hugs her before leaving in search of Louis. 

It doesn't take him long to find him, he's drinking a glass of water in the kitchen and stares into the distance. His body is tense and Harry knows it's his fault Louis is like that. Again. Shit. He's his boyfriend, he should make him happy and not upset. 

“Baby,” he whispers, insecure of himself and afraid of the reaction he'll get from Louis.

“What, Harry? Do you want to make some accusations again?” He snaps, still not looking at him and obviously pissed off. 

It's understandable, of course, but thinking about Flo's story he instantly starts to cry again, fearing to lose him. 

“No, baby, I'm so sorry. Believe me. I'm sorry I lost control like that again. I know it's not okay. And I know I can trust you. Sometimes it's just hard,” he explains in between sobs. 

“Yes, Harry, I noticed. But I just don't want it like that. The situation is hard for me as well and I want you to be there for me, to support me and to hold me when it gets hard. I don't want to worry about you freaking out all the time,” he says, finally looking at Harry, his eyes extremely blue and watery. 

Cautious, Harry takes a step forward and when Louis doesn't move away or flinch he takes him into his arms. 

“I will work on myself, I promise. I’ve already started. And talking to her helped. I see her differently now. I swear, I'll do my best. Please give me the chance to prove it to you.”

For a moment Harry thinks he already ruined everything and he holds his breath until Louis finally says, “Alright. I know it's not easy for you and I love you either way, but I don't want to hear things like have fun groping her again. And I swear to God if you give me a hard time over Luke today you can't just apologise and expect us to be fine again. Are we clear?” 

With the mention of Luke he bristles inwardly but he fights hard against himself to not show his feelings. Somehow he has to keep himself together tonight. 

“Yes, yes, okay, baby,” he says. Only when Louis kisses him, he relaxes and leans into his touch. 

“Flo is waiting for you, baby. Lets get it over with and come back to me as soon as possible,” Harry whispers when they part again. 

Louis smiles at him and nods before saying goodbye and leaving. 

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

Louis and Flo are out on their date for ages and Harry refuses to look online if some pictures are already posted. 

By now, he tries not to torture himself with that anymore. 

When the doorbell rings and Luke stands in front of it, Louis still isn't there and Harry has trouble keeping a neutral expression on his face. 

He's a nice guy, it turns out, and he tells Harry many stories about Louis and even tells him what Louis says about him and that he doesn't shut up about Harry since they've known each other. 

“It's only three months on the 28th. I think he's allowed to talk about me,” Harry says, grinning. 

“Of course you're saying that. You're just as bad, I bet,” Luke laughs and Harry laughs with him. 

It's the perfect moment for Louis to come back and when he sees them laughing together, his face lights up instantly. 

“Looks like you're in a good mood,” he states, shaking Luke's hand and giving Harry a peck on his cheek. 

“Missed you,” he whispers and presses himself into his side. 

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

In the dim glow of fairy lights strung across the living room, Harry feels the pulsating energy of the New Year's Eve party at Louis' house. Laughter, clinking glasses, and the distant beat of music create a symphony of celebration. He glances around at the familiar faces of his closest friends and the unfamiliar faces of Louis’ friends, all caught up in the revelry.

Louis, with his infectious grin, weaves through the crowd, effortlessly ensuring everyone's glass is topped up. The air is charged with anticipation as the clock inches toward midnight. Harry, feeling a mix of excitement and warmth, catches Louis' eye across the room. They share a knowing smile, the unspoken promise of the night's highlight lingering between them. God, he can't wait to kiss Louis again. In public this time, with so many people around them. Just that feels like freedom.

As the countdown begins, the room becomes a cacophony of voices, echoing the collective heartbeat of those gathered. "Ten, nine, eight..." The atmosphere tightens, and Harry's gaze never wavers from Louis. They inch closer, hands finding each other in the crowd.

"Three, two, one... Happy New Year!" The room erupts in cheers, confetti raining down as glasses clink in a harmonious toast. Amidst the jubilation, Harry and Louis share a moment that transcends the noise – a kiss that feels like the culmination of a thousand shared dreams and stolen glances.

Time seems to pause as their lips meet, and the world around them fades into a backdrop of blurry joy. The room, now a chorus of cheers and applause, elevates their shared celebration. Harry and Louis pull back, their smiles mirroring the collective happiness of their friends.

Their friends, ever supportive, shower them with congratulations and playful teasing. It warms Harry's heart how much they root for them even if they all know how complicated their relationship is. It's a scene of acceptance and love, a testament to the bonds forged in this tight-knit group. Harry, caught up in the euphoria, exchanges glances with Louis, their eyes conveying a shared acknowledgment of the beauty of this moment.

As the night unfolds, the party continues, fueled by the infectious spirit of the New Year. Harry and Louis move through the crowd, hand in hand, weaving through conversations and laughter. The air is thick with joy and the promise of new beginnings.

In the midst of the revelry, Harry steals quiet moments with Louis – stolen kisses and lingering glances that speak of a love that has weathered challenges. The New Year's Eve party becomes a memory etched in their hearts, a celebration of love, friendship, and the promise of countless more shared moments in the year ahead. Harry can't wait to see their love unfold.

Chapter Text

All I know is, once you get into it, there is an adrenaline, a stroke, and that high is so addictive that once you get a taste of it it's very difficult to not want more?

—Greg Noll, Riding Giants

Louis is nervous. The loud screaming of the fans outside, a sold-out hall of a size like never before and not touring or playing live for months leave him unsure. Louis has never been the most confident singer but this time the pressure is even higher. 

Harry will be waiting for him backstage - and where is he anyway?

He has been banned from his management from even interacting with rainbow colours in any way, let alone waving a pride flag like he did on his last tour.

Florence will be sitting in the illuminated VIP box for everyone to see and here too, another instruction from the management - look up to her when you sing your songs!

Louis hasn't felt connected to his public persona for a long time and today it's only becoming clear how deep the crater between them really is. What is he supposed to do with himself on stage? How exactly is he supposed to interact? What should he say? How to move? What could seem too gay?

To be precise - Louis is in the middle of a crisis and he just wants his boyfriend with him.

Already in his show outfit, he is literally running furrows into the floor of his dressing room and is barely aware of the chatter of his team around him, which sometimes comes to him from the hallways only to then quickly disappear again.

Louis, who usually always has a few drinks with his band to calm his nerves before a show, decided not to do so today. It is more important to welcome Harry alone, who will be watching the concert here alone on a monitor. All in the strictest secrecy. Only his bodyguards know about their secret relationship and have also signed NDA‘s. Management didn't want to tell any more people, the fear was too great that something would come out or someone would spill the beans.

Louis picks up his phone again when he arrives at the small table in front of the sofa and looks desperately at the time.

“Fuck where are you Harry? Need you," he murmurs when he doesn't find a new message on it, but he sees how time passes and it leaves him with less and less left to spend with Harry beforehand.

Sighing deeply, he goes to the mirror, nervously pulls individual strands of hair into his face, smooths down his tight black tank top and sees that everything is still neatly tucked into his red pants. He turns around, looks over his shoulder and nods to himself, because yes, the pants emphasise his butt just right. And he hopes to drive one man crazy with it. If only he finally ——

But then the door opens and Louis can't suppress his high-pitched and very unmanly scream of joy when he finally sees the only person he's been waiting for.

You could almost think Harry wanted to rob a bank dressed in black, with the hood pulled low over his face and the collar of his jacket over his mouth, but Louis would recognise his Harry among thousands and so there is no help. He runs across the room and Harry just manages to catch him at the last second after closing the door behind him.

Harry's hands hold him securely under his bum while Louis' legs hook together behind his back and in a matter of seconds he has pulled the collar of Harry’s jacket down to finally kiss him.

"Lou," Harry breathes, visibly surprised at the greeting before Louis makes sure that not another syllable comes out of those wonderfully soft lips for the next few minutes.

Harry turns with Louis in their passionate kiss so that he is trapped between the door and his body. While their tongues caress each other and dance wildly in their mouths, Harry locks the door and Louis pulls the hood off his head, buries his own fingers in there, finally feels the beloved soft curls in his hands again. It's as if Louis is finally coming home again, here in a strange backstage area with fans waiting for him, but nothing matters anymore, just Harry and losing himself in him.

"I love you so much," Louis whispers between their kisses and then picks up where he left off.

Time and space no longer have any meaning, Harry is just as eager to kiss his lips red as Louis is and only a loud knock on the door makes both of them pause and they blink quickly and look at each other, coming back to reality as if from a dream.

“Louis! You have to go on stage in five minutes. Come now!” calls a male voice.

Louis clears his throat and calls back. "Be right there!"

He slowly slides down on Harry to the floor and for the first time his boyfriend seems to notice his outfit. His nose scrunches and he licks his bottom lip, his eyes don't seem to know where to land so quickly they fly over his body.

“You look incredibly sexy,” Harry finally murmurs as a final verdict, making Louis chuckle quietly.

“Everything just for you baby. Are you wearing your bracelet?” Louis replies.

“Yeah I do. And I hope for you that everything is just for me. There are already enough pairs of eyes on you tonight. But you're mine, baby," Harry says, pulling him against his body with both of his hands on his hips.

"I'm yours, skin and hair," Louis confirms and puts his head on Harry's beating heart, trying to keep the resurgent nervousness at bay. But the more he becomes aware of what lies ahead of him, the more sick he becomes.

"Hey baby, you're really tense, is everything okay?" Harry suddenly says so gently that Louis whimpers softly. Harry soothingly strokes his back up to his neck, massages it lightly there and suddenly Louis has Harry's nose pressed against his cheek and a small kiss on it.

"I am nervous. I… how am I supposed to excite the audience? I don't feel like myself anymore? And my voice... I haven't sung for 1.5 hours in months. What if everyone is disappointed?” Louis stammers and is suddenly so desperate and lost in his head again.

“Louis, no! Stop it now! There are thousands of people out there who love you. Who love your music. And not one will be disappointed. You go out there now and enjoy your first show in a sold-out venue. And I'll cheer you on from here and drool over you until I can devour you. Got it?” Harry asks and lifts his head, backing up his words in his sexy bossy tone with a hard kiss before slapping his bum lightly and turning Louis towards the door.

“But—“ Louis wants to argue, but Harry just shakes his head with a grin.

“Nope. You are awesome. In every way and now show that to your fans. Chop, chop, out with you my Superstar.”

And with that he is pushed out the door, which immediately closes again and Louis stares at it indignantly.

“Rude!” he mumbles to himself but then breathes in and out deeply and after just a few steps he is immediately greeted by the men of his band, who are standing a little further away leaning against the wall in the hallway towards the stage.

Louis immediately feels the buzzing energy from them, and as every time before they played a show, they clasp their hands and take the last steps to the stage together.

Louis waits there while his band takes the stage, the applause and screaming already deafening. Louis swings his arms, smiles because even though he's nervous, he can't wait any longer. While he listens to the band and the first beats, he checks his in-ears again, runs his hands through his hair and then it's finally his turn to enter the stage. He quickly runs up the stairs and with one last deep breath and a big grin he enters it, can hardly believe how many people he sees in front of him and waves in awe to the crowd until he reaches the middle. In one quick motion, he pulls the microphone stand towards him in a sexy motion, only making the screaming grow louder and he begins to sing.

For the next hour and a half, Louis feels like he's in a frenzy, invigorated by the energy and love of his fans that he feels every second. His grin never leaves his face and even the heart eyes for Flo come easily to him but he makes sure to send a vibration to Harry in this moment. And even though it was forbidden and he otherwise adheres to it, he can't resist giving a thumbs up and a cheeky wink to a huge pride flag with his face on it and the words 'Guardian of the gays'.

They should just sell him as an ally again. Louis simply doesn't care at this point. For good measure he even sends a wave up to Flo to immediately put the management in a mild mood.

The time passes far too quickly and Louis is downright sad when he starts the last song. And for the last part he spontaneously decides to do something that will drive his security crazy, but Louis wants to give something back to his fans who made this first show so special and he can already feel an increase in his self-confidence.

Without warning, he jumps down the stage, runs past the stunned men who are there to protect him and the venue employees and throws himself into the crowd. That the fans are freaking out is an understatement. There are hands all over his torso, on his bare arms, on his chest, on his face and in his hair and fuck, Louis is definitely on a high of adrenaline.

But suddenly he is pulled away from behind from the small platform he was standing on, but Louis is nimble and hasn't had enough yet. Like a snake, he slithers out of the security's grasp and continues to run, singing, jumping again a little further away into the crowd. Louis is literally intoxicated by the love of and for his fans. And he knows that from now on this will become an integral part of the tour.

Once again, security is close to his feet, but now holds him by his back and removes hands from his face instead of pulling him away. They seem to have quickly understood not to act against his will. And so Louis uses his freedom to run again, this time in the opposite direction and throw himself into the crowd at the end of the barricade for his final notes.

Despite the in-ears, Louis can hardly hear himself so close to his fans who sing and scream with him and yet he couldn't be happier.

With a final smile and nod, he then disappears back up to the stage with the help of his security, shouts a thank you into the microphone and for the dramatic effect he then carelessly throws it behind him and can already hear the tirades about it from the sound technicians in his head, but he couldn't care less.

Even as his band finishes the last song outside and the fans don't stop screaming, he rushes through the corridors to his dressing room, pulling off his ears and the wiring from his body on the way and finally arrives in the room and Harry, breathless.

Who is already standing there with both hands on his hips and his eyes narrowed.

“Oh,” Louis exclaims, and instead of his broad grin, he probably looks pretty stupid now.

"Lock the door behind you," Harry growls, slowly stepping towards him.

“What?” Louis is about to ask but Harry silences him with just one look and fuck, that’s hot.

"Close the door," he says again, his voice deep and dark, and Louis' cock immediately throbs with interest.

Louis nods quickly and turns the key, making sure no one can disturb them. From whatever will happen. Either Louis will be murdered with the looks Harry gives him or his jealous and possessive boyfriend will fuck him hard. Louis hopes for the latter.

Harry is at him immediately, pressing himself close to his back, his mouth close to his ear.

“You think you can just let all these people touch you like that? I saw exactly how your eyes lit up, how you leaned more and more into their touch. In case you forgot, you are mine, baby. Maybe I should remind you of that, huh? What do you think?” he whispers in Louis’ ear and bites his earlobe.

“Fuck yes. Show me how mad it made you. And how much I'm yours," Louis moans, leaning his head against Harry's strong chest while Harry's hands reach around him and rub his stomach.

“Oh, you’re right. I'm pissed off. But also so damn horny,” Harry murmurs back, kissing down his neck, then biting gently into his shoulder before turning him around in his hold in one quick motion. Louis a puppet and Harry his sexy puppeteer.

He is immediately pulled close to Harry again and his hands reach around and behind Louis. He grabs his ass cheeks through the thick red material of the pants and pulls Louis closer until he can feel Harry’s cock, hard and hot, pressed against his own groin. Louis rubs his own hard cock against his soulmate, savours the contact after long days without him and hands that are finally on him, hands which are allowed to do more.

His mouth searches out Harry's, their lips meeting first, then tongues locking in a furious battle for control. Louis pulls his head back quickly, catches his breath, letting his bruised lips rest for a moment. But only for a moment. Because Harry's arms wrap around him tighter, arms which have no intention of letting him escape for the next hours.

For a moment, Louis resists, loves to play with fire, to tease Harry. But he's too impatient himself and so he relaxes into the heated embrace. His hands roam across the back and shoulders and arms which hold him tight. Steely muscles move under his touch as Harry's arms tighten once again their hold. Louis' fingers slip under his boyfriend's black hoodie. And Louis can’t want to figure out what Harry has in mind anymore.

His fingers make contact against hot skin. Slowly, he runs a single finger down Harry's spine. Louis chuckles, his laugh muffled against Harry’s chest, as he releases a single, quiet gasp at the teasing finger.

“You’re a minx,” Harry rasps, biting lightly on Louis‘ bottom lip.

“Your minx,” Louis agrees.

“That you are.”

Harry’s fingers tighten their bruising hold around Louis’ waist. Searing lips settle on his ears, nibbling, then biting each lobe in turn. The lips don't stop at his ears. Louis feels them nuzzling down his neck, pausing at the hollow at the base of his neck so that Louis arches his head and his throat back, offering himself to those teasing, tempting lips. The sensation of Harry's groan against his throat, the vibrations reverberating against his sensitive skin, almost make him come on the spot. Louis tries to move back, to escape the contact which has his nerves on fire but Harry's deep, low growl tells him he isn't going anywhere. Strong hands touch him, manipulate him, guide him. Within seconds his tank top is lying on the floor.

Bare chested, Louis suddenly finds himself standing in the middle of his wardrobe and under the scrutinising stare of his boyfriend and turns around, to face the opposite wall. He bends over, balancing on one foot to remove his shoe. Then he hops onto his other foot and removes his second shoe. Louis can feel Harry's eyes and also can imagine him calculating the curvature of his ass. He wiggles his ass slightly and hears the faintest hiss of an intake of breath. Languorously Louis straightens, reaches his arms upwards and stretches, arching his back. The soft act of a body sinking down, hitting an immovable object, breaks the silence in the room.

"Slowly baby," Harry whispers.

Louis obeys, moves his fingers to the waistband of his pants, deftly undoing the button and zipper, and then, slowly, ever so slowly, pulls them downwards, removes one leg at a time. His thumbs reach for the waistband of his briefs, toys with the hollows above his hip bones and then peels his briefs downwards. As they pile on the floor with a soft rustle, Louis stands still for a moment before he then turns around.

"I bet everyone would go crazy if they saw you like that, but —"

"I’m yours," Louis finishes Harry's sentence and winks at him.

Harry's eyes are fastened on him and Louis thinks he has never seen them darker. As his voice, as he says demandingly, “Touch yourself for me baby.”

Running his hands down his body, Louis' fingers play across his chest, gliding over his hip bones. One hand strays toward his balls, cupping the heavy sac, massaging them, while the other hand reaches the base of his cock, pauses for a moment and then moves upwards, in a slow, caressing movement. Closing his eyes, Louis' hand begins to move faster on his cock. Shaft, head, the throbbing vein on the underside - he strokes, teases and applies pressure. His head falls backwards, his breathing comes shallower. All under the burning gaze of his boyfriend. It's so hot that his hand moves faster and faster.

Suddenly, firm, immovable hands are on his body, removing his hands. A hot mouth engulfs his cock in one, long movement. Louis hips buck at the sensation of heat and tightness and pressure. While Harry sucks him like his life depends on it, Louis thrusts deeper and deeper, feels Harry's throat muscles constricting and then relaxes around his cock. Louis' hands are suddenly behind his back, held by the force of his soulmate's hand. All while he can feel the second hand exploring his ass cheeks, long fingers stretching and caressing. First one finger, then a second penetrates him. He gasps at the feel of the spit slicked fingers.

“Is this okay?” Harry asks as he pauses his onslaught on his dick.

“Yeah, I still want to feel you tomorrow,” Louis nods and Harry continues his sweet torture.

As Louis relaxes, the fingers probe further and further, searching, massaging, until Louis shudders as a wave of pleasure radiates upwards through his groin.

Cool air rushes across his cock as Harry abandons his tongue and mouth. Louis feels fingers withdrawing, emptiness replacing the welcome heat while Harry stands up, continuing to hold firmly onto Louis' wrists with one hand.

Standing straight, Louis squares off against the dark green eyes focused on him. The corners of Harry's mouth curve upwards and his lips parted. And then Louis feels himself moving, propelled by the pressure on his wrists to the sofa. He lands on the dark furniture face down, the coarse fabric scratchy against his chest. He opens his mouth, wants to ask Harry to lay something on it so they don't dirty it, when Harry suddenly lies on him, arms wrap around his chest, legs entwined with his, burning lips running across his shoulder blades. Sorrows forgotten, Louis arches his hips upwards, rubbing against the hard cock nestles between his ass cheeks.

“So needy for my touch and cock, hmm Lou?” Harry breathes.

"Fuck, yeah, I really am. Do something about it."

Hands lifts his hips higher and a tongue is travelling down his spine, brands him forever. Louis gasps as it reaches the crevice of his cheeks, as hands pull him apart, as warmth and moisture probes at his opening only to then penetrate the ring of muscle. His own cock is extremely hard and so Louis reaches down, his hand settling on the base of his shaft. He tightens his hand and strokes upwards. Just as he is about to reach the crown, he feels Harry's tongue withdraw. Louis feels a nip of teeth on his ass cheek and a hand reaches out, removing his hand from his cock.

"Mine." 

The word is whispered against his back. Shivers ripple up Louis' back at the possessive tone. Equally possessive hands suddenly flip him over. He finds his legs lifted across Harry's shoulders, his ass sitting on Harry's legs, and he spits in his hand, slides it over his cock, which nudges then against his opening. Louis looks upwards at his boyfriend, all darkness and angles, bathed in the golden glow of the wall lamps, reflected in the dark red of the wall hangings.

“Yours.” Louis whispers back and not only Harry, but he is also possessed. By this man.

Harry thrusts into him and Louis gasps at the sudden penetration. One long, hard, smooth thrust. One ragged groan. One deep moan. One fiery kiss. Two hearts beating wildly.

For a moment they lie still, then Harry begins to move. A subtle shift of the hips and Louis pushes forward, Harry pulls backwards. They find the primal rhythm of thrust and withdrawal. Harry’s hand reaches for Louis’ cock and begins to stroke parallel to his thrusts.

Literally dancing under the thrusts and strokes of his boyfriend's body and hands, Louis drives a steady rhythm with his calves and feet against Harry’s back, encouraging and demanding. With every movement, he arches forwards, impaling himself deeper. With every stroke on his cock, he feels himself burning. The heat grows more intense, the possession more complete and their bodies move faster. And Louis feels his own orgasm building, how his balls tingles.

“Come with me baby, I’m close,” Harry whispers beneath his breath.

Far too quickly but so perfect, Harry stiffens and a cry is wrenched from his throat. Alone the feeling of the pulsating cock of Harry is all it takes to throw Louis also over the edge. He joins Harry’s own cry as he feels himself being filled, spilling at the time his own cum over Harry’s hand.

Harry collapses onto his chest and his breathing is ragged. Disentangling his legs, Louis pulls Harry upwards, into the circle of his arms. Seeks closeness as he rubs his face against the long curls of his boyfriend's hair. Under the smell of raw sex and arousal which clinches to both of them, Harry's own scent, speaks to Louis in his very own way. Of bonds and loyalty. Of deep running love. Louis tightens his hold on his dimple heart as they drift off to a quick nap, entangled with each other.

His last thought is that every concert could end like this. And how nice it would be if Harry was always with him.

Chapter Text

All that matters is the truth as you know it, and as the ones who love you know it.

- Rachel Hawkins

Harry is sure he's gonna die. His nervousness drives him crazy and he hasn't slept or eaten in about 24 hours because of it. He's a wreck, maybe he's not meant to be a singer. Maybe he should just cancel everything and open a bakery. Or become a security guard for Louis because holy shit, they get close to him every single night and who wouldn't secretly dream of that? Or he could turn into a microphone because it's unholy what Louis does to it. A nervous chuckle escapes his mouth at the thought of all the memes online. Dozens of fans who want to be Louis' microphone just to be caressed by his mouth. 

Thank God Harry now understands that Louis is his. Of course he still is jealous all the time, he doubts it'll ever go away, but every time he sees someone touching his boyfriend or openly dreaming about doing the hottest things to him, he reminds himself that they're just that: Dreams. He's the only one who gets to be close to him. Well, Harry and Florence of course, but Flo now texts him before and after every fake date with Louis to ease his mind. 

A lot happened over the last few weeks: Harry moved to London, into a small house close to Louis and with Louis by his side. They used the few days they spent there to consecrate every corner of his new home. In every way possible so that Harry is sure he won't ever be able to look at some places there without blushing. Or getting hard. One of the two options. 

They celebrated Flo's birthday with her after she complained about the fact that her friends never want to party on January 3rd. Of course, she and Louis had to have dinner first, to be seen in public, but afterwards they went to Louis’ house where they celebrated and fell asleep on the couch together, too drunk to go to bed. 

Then Louis' tour started and Harry could be there for a few shows. Hidden, of course, but he still was there to support his boyfriend and to switch on the proud husband mood as Louis calls it. 

He also finished his first fanfiction, started posting it and already is in the process of writing another one. With the Larry fandom growing his fic gets more and more clicks and Harry feels immensely proud. 

And now he's finally where he wanted to be all along: At his first concert. 

In just a few minutes it will start and it's a moment he dreamed about all along. 

Now that it's there, he's terrified and frightened to death about it. It's a small concert with 1.568 sold tickets but for him, it's still huge. His mum and sister are there to support him but the one person he needs there can't be with him today due to his own concert. 

Shit, he misses Louis. He would make him feel better and doubt less about himself, that's for sure.

Sick to his stomach he takes out his phone, his hands shaking, trying to find an anchor in Louis even though he's not there. 

Harry

Baby, I'm so nervous. God, I wish you could be here with me. What if they hate me? 

The answer comes almost immediately and it's just as sweet as Harry predicted it to be. 

Soulmate <3

Nobody hates you darling. People bought the tickets because they love you and your music. And if there's only one person on this earth who hates you, I'll personally punch them. Because nobody hates my sweet dimple baby heart.

God, he loves this man. He exaggerates so much and Harry lets out a nervous laugh at the image of Louis fighting for people to love him. 

Harry

Okay well, you managed to make me laugh. If you'd really punch anyone who hates me you'd have a lot to do. But thank you anyway. Just for believing in me. 

I don't know, I always thought concerts were the best part of being a musician but now I'm not so sure anymore… Will I ever stop being so nervous? 

He's now about to go out to quickly meet with his band again. They already spend a lot of time after soundcheck together and they already found out that there is a special someone in his life so he doesn't feel bad about letting them wait a little longer. They'll get it. 

Soulmate <3

You're asking the wrong person, dimple heart 😕 as you know I struggle with my own insecurities too. But I have to say the fans give so much back. You should interact with them during the show, however you want to do it, I think it's good for you. And you know - I'm your biggest fan and you'll always have me for sure. Forever and ever and ever and ever ... a little emotional today. Miss you and love you!

Harry

I want you here with me. I want to get kissed by you before and after the show and I want to sing those songs to you. I just know it would help. I miss you so much, baby. So so much. 

He hears his name being called twice, his signal to finally put his phone down and join his band. The thought alone lets a wave of anxiety wash over his body and he feels how his hands begin to sweat. 

Harry

Shit. It starts in 5 minutes. What if I screw it up? God. Sorry. I probably exaggerate. 

I have to go now baby. 

He's already out the door when he remembers that Louis has a show too. How egoistic can he be? Quickly, he types out his last quick message. 

Harry

Sorry for making it all about me. You have a show yourself. Good luck and don't let the fans come too close this time! I love you

Luckily, Louis writes back immediately, because his message is the last push he needed. Louis always knows exactly what to say to him and this is not an exception. 

Soulmate <3

Dimple heart, you can still sing the songs to me. Close your eyes and imagine me grinning stupidly and looking enamoured.

And you won't mess anything up. I'm sure you'll wow everyone, just be yourself! My thoughts are with you! Good luck love of my life

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

Harry stands in the wings, his heart racing as the distant hum of the crowd becomes a deafening roar. Nervous energy courses through him, nearly pushing him to the brink of panic. The spotlight blinds him momentarily as he steps onto the stage, and the sea of faces intensifies his anxiety.

But then, as the first chords reverberate through the venue, a transformation takes hold. The nervous fluttering in his stomach gives way to an exhilarating surge of adrenaline. 

The stage becomes a playground, each second stretching into an eternity of pure, unbridled joy. 

Interacting with the fans and their signs -he can't believe some of them already made signs for his show- feels like second nature, as if he's tapped into an ancient rhythm that pulses through the very core of his being. 

The initial nerves are replaced by an electric connection, and Harry savours every moment, dancing with the crowd in a symphony of shared energy.

His first concert goes by in a blur and Harry has the time of his life. Being so doubtful just hours ago, he now is sure that he belongs to the stage and never wants to do something else in his life. 

Thankfully, the fans seem to be satisfied as well given the cheers they send his way. 

Leaving the stage he hugs his mum and Gemma, who wait for him backstage and quickly apologises himself to take a quick shower and of course text Louis. And watch the end of his show live, because even if Harry gets better at handling his jealousy, he still has to see every barricade at his concerts. Thank God Louis always starts late so that Harry will always be able to watch the end. 

Before starting the stream, he quickly texts him. 

Harry

I made it and I had so much fun. 

Wow. I want to never do anything else. I felt like I belonged there. On stage, singing my soul out and talking to fans. God. What is this feeling?!

You're the only thing that was missing tonight. Otherwise it was perfect. 

I hope you have a blast too. I'll watch the rest of your concert live now and then I'll go out with the band, my mum and Gemma to celebrate the night. 

I wish you could be with me! I love you. 

To Harry's relief there are no ripped shirts today at barricade and Louis looks quirky when he leaves the stage. 

After a refreshing shower and a change into a carefully chosen outfit, Harry, his mum, Gemma and the band venture out to celebrate the successful concert. They select a bustling restaurant with an inviting atmosphere, the lively chatter of diners creating a backdrop for their evening.

As the night progresses, toasts are raised, and the clinking of glasses resonates through the air. The atmosphere is electric with shared stories and laughter, the joy of the performance lingering in every conversation. However, as the night unfolds, Harry indulges a bit too much in the celebratory spirits. His cheeks flush with warmth, and a boisterous energy takes over as he becomes more animated in sharing tales of the concert.

His mum, ever-watchful, exchanges amused glances with the band members but otherwise celebrates as much as everyone else. 

The celebration continues, with Harry revelling in the euphoria of the moment, a little more carefree and uninhibited as the night unfolds.

When he arrives home way too late Harry is more than a little tipsy. He quickly brushes his teeth and throws his clothes to the ground before going to bed, his phone in his hands. 

Louis texted him back, of course he did, and Harry finds himself smiling stupidly at his words.

Soulmate <3

Oh darling I knew you would be perfect. I am so relieved that you are feeling better. I wasn't fully focused on stage today, was thinking a lot about you and how your first concert was going. I wish I could celebrate with you. You'll probably only read my messages when you fall drunk in bed. Have fun! I love you.

Louis is right. He's incredibly drunk but happy and he even has trouble reading his message properly and typing out an answer. 

Harry

You. Love. my life.
Baby, you re perfect. 
Miss you and your cock. Yeah, sound. Right. 
Dream of cock. Nighty night 

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

After his first concert Harry still is nervous before concerts but not as frightened anymore. Instead, he counts the hours until he can be on stage again and curses his management for not booking more dates for him. 

Of course he knows that he might not be big enough to fill enough venues but after his first night was such a success, every single concert got sold out quickly. 

On the other hand, he's thankful for not having a long tour ahead of him because he always misses Louis and can't wait to secretly join him on his tour in a few weeks. 

Tonight though, Louis finally is with him to watch Harry's concert for the first time. They're cuddled up in his dressing room where Louis already waited for him when Harry finished his soundcheck, hiding even if his band and every staff member knows that Harry's special someone is there tonight. They still don't know who he is, only that he is male and that Harry is disgustingly in love with him. And that's just because Harry won't shut up about Louis. 

“You'll be there in the VIP box and watch me, right?” Harry asks, lazily stroking his arm. 

“Of course, dimple heart. I can't wait to see you live. Your energy must be incredible. Just the snippets I saw online show me that you're born for this,” Louis answers while he plays with Harry's hair. 

They lie there, cuddled up into each other as long as possible but when there are only twenty minutes left, Harry sighs and whispers, “I need to get dressed and get my hair done baby. I'm already late.”

“Don't. Just stay with me,” Louis says before kissing his head. 

“So you want me to go on stage like that? Naked and looking freshly fucked?” Harry teases and laughs when Louis curses and reluctantly lets him go. 

As Harry takes the stage, the atmosphere is charged with anticipation. The crowd roars in excitement, completely unaware that Louis lurks in the VIP box, shrouded in shadows.

In the midst of the dazzling lights and thunderous applause, Harry's eyes are drawn to the mysterious figure in the distance. His heart rate quickens as he realises Louis is silently observing tonight, their connection transcending the sea of oblivious fans.

With every soulful note and captivating move, Harry's gaze instinctively seeks out the VIP box. There, in the concealed darkness, Louis remains a silent spectator, their silent exchange weaving an unseen thread of intimacy through the spectacle.

The fans revel in the brilliance of the performance, unaware of the private dance between two souls—one on stage, the other hidden in the shadows. The concert unfolds effortlessly, yet beneath the surface, a secret connection thrives, known only to Harry, who dances on, ensnared in the unspoken magic of the moment.

When he leaves the stage Louis already waits for him and practically jumps in Harry's arms when he enters the dressing room. 

“You were brilliant, dimple heart. I'm so proud,” he exclaims, pulling him into a light hearted kiss. 

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

Later that night, they lie in bed in a hotel room, legs tangled into each other. 

After Sam told him they weren't subtle enough, they now go through twitter, reading speculations of Larry Stan's to each other. 

“I like this one,” Harry says. “@LarryDanOfficial 🌈 Our Larry senses are tingling stronger than ever! 🌟 Harry couldn't keep his eyes off that VIP box shadow. And he looked so in love 😍 What do you think, Larry shippers? Secret rendezvous or just a fan who knows how to stay mysterious? 🤫 #LarryShippers #ShadowConspiracy”

They both giggle even if they know it's probably not a good sign that the fans picked up on it so fast. Shit, maybe Harry is even responsible for it for technically starting the Larry fandom.

“@LarryIsReal 🚨 Update: We've zoomed in, enhanced the footage, and we're leaning towards a Louis cameo! 👥 The shadow's aura just screams Tomlinson. 🌟 Who else is on this mysterious journey with us? 🕵️♀️ #LarrySherlocks #LouisInVIP,” Louis reads out before asking Harry how this shadow can scream Tomlinson. He only sees the shadow of a male person there, nothing more. 

“Oh baby, you're so cute. Every Louie will recognise your shadow everywhere. I certainly could have done it even before we started dating,” Harry explains, looking at the zoomed picture Louis shows him.

“Okay. We have to be even more cautious from now on,” Louis says and Harry rolls his eyes, still hating that they can't be open about their relationship. 

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

With every concert of each other they attend, the rumours become louder. Even if they try to be as subtle as possible and just watch snippets from the VIP boxes the fans just pick up on everything and the pressure of the management increases with every tweet. 

Harry has to go on countless dates, taking them to hotels to show the world he isn't in a relationship while Flo now accompanies Louis on tour and shows her face at every concert. 

Still, it doesn't keep the fans at bay. Harry attentively watches their activities, his concern growing with each concert. How long can they go on like that until their management will take drastic measures? 

@LarryStan

📸 Exhibit A: Harry's meaningful glances up to the VIP box. 💘 Exhibit B: The enigmatic shadow. 🌚 Coincidence? We think not! What's your take on this VIP rendezvous, Larry fam? 🤔 #LarryEvidence #HarrysVIPMystery

@LarryDanOfficial  

Let's investigate

🔍Clue #1: The shadow in question seemed to be watching Harry like no other fan. 👁️ Is it just us, or did the vibes scream Louis? 🤷♂️ Let the investigation begin! #LarryInvestigates #VIPMystery

@LouisHeartEyes  

🌈 Let's talk about the real show-stealer at the concert - Louis Tomlinson's heart eyes for @Harry_Styles, because we all know the shadow must be him, right? 😍💙 Did you catch the love in those glances? #LouisInLove #HeartEyesConcert

@TomlinsonForever

From the beginning I thought the relationship with Florence Pugh was just a stunt but now I think we got proof for it. 💚💙 Louis looking up at a shadow which is clearly Harry Styles instead of looking where his ‘girlfriend’ is? So obvious. 🌈 #LouisIsGay #LarryStylinson

@LarryIsReal

🕵️♀️ Anyone else noticed the sudden absence of online banter between Harry and Louis? 🤔 Maybe they're just busy, or maybe our lads are too busy being in love off-screen! 💖 #LarryLove #SilentTwitterWar

@LarryShippers 

💬 Did anyone else notice the virtual truce between Harry and Louis? Less Twitter drama, more love vibes? 🌈 Our hearts say yes! 💑 #HarryAndLouisLove #TwitterPeace #LarryIsReal

@LarryStan  

🚨 Panic mode: no Harry at Louis' gig, no Louis at Harry's concert. Is this a bump in the Larry road, or just a scheduling hiccup? 📆🤔 Share your theories, Larry fam! #LarryBreakupRumors #SchedulingBlues #LarryStylinson

Whenever they can't be together, Louis and Harry send each other the best tweets and laugh about it even if they know they're playing with fire. Still, it's fun to watch and keeps them occupied whenever they miss each other and the longing becomes unbearable. 

It's after Louis' concert in Rome when everything crashes down on them. They're pressed against each other the morning after his show, enjoying the time they have together, when they hear frantic knocking on Louis' door and the shouts of Pete. 

“Open the door or I'll come in,” he shouts. They look at each other questioningly, irritated by the early disturbance. 

Quickly putting on briefs and a shirt, Louis opens the door and Pete marches in angrily, his face red. 

“That's it, you're banned from each other’s shows. Styles, you'll leave today and I don't want you to attend another show of this tour,” he screams, not giving any explanation. 

“And you, Louis, you'll stay here and with Florence until it's all over. You two will get engaged today, in Rome, the full romantic package. I already talked to her management and her. You'll sign the new contract today.” 

Harry watches in horror as Pete walks up and down, explaining the new plan to them. When he notices that Louis started crying silently, Harry rushes to him and hugs him tightly. 

“But why?” Is all Louis manages to say to Pete and Harry doesn't recognise his boyfriend. Where is the man who fights every manager for a little freedom? Why has he given up on fighting for them now? 

“You can't do that,” Harry tries to argue, “There's no reason to take such a drastic turn. Our fans talk? So be it. All they have are speculations and a few pictures of shadows. Everyone could be it.” 

Furiously, Pete turns to them and answers in a cold voice, “It's already decided, so don't bother arguing. We watched this for weeks now and if it were only your fans, we would just let it go on, but since last night, the press has been writing about you two as well. There are numerous articles online on different websites, speculating about you. We have countless official requests for interviews to confirm or deny Larry Stylinson.” 

He spits out their ship name and turns around to leave. 

“Say goodbye to each other now. You have to leave in an hour,” he says over his shoulder before storming out and shutting the door behind him. 

“Fuck,” Louis says and burst out crying for real now. Harry himself feels helpless and desperate and so they spend their last hour together crying in a hotel room. 

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

On his way to the airport Harry searches for articles about them online, already feeling sick and lonely. 

How will he survive without their secret little rendezvous? Harry got used to Louis and his love only grew over the last weeks. Louis' tour is far from over and Harry feels his eyes fill with tears just at the thought of not seeing him for months. 

When he reads the articles, Harry gets why their management freaked out about it, but he still can't believe what they ask from them, what they make Louis do. 

"Louis Tomlinson Attends Harry Styles' Concert: Fans Fuel Speculation Beyond Rivalry"

In a twist that sent shockwaves through the fandom, Louis Tomlinson was recently spotted at a Harry Styles concert, setting the internet ablaze with speculation about the true nature of their relationship. The two solo artists, once depicted as enemies in the media, are now at the centre of a fervent rumour mill that suggests there may be more than what meets the eye.

The sighting of Louis, or more his shadow, in the audience at Harry's concert ignited a flurry of excitement among fans, who quickly took to social media to share their observations and theories. While it's not uncommon for celebrities to support each other's work, the significance of this moment didn't escape the eagle-eyed, enthusiastic fans. Whispers of a potential romantic connection between Louis and Harry began circulating, challenging the long-standing narrative of rivalry that had been perpetuated in the media.

The fanbase, affectionately known for its dedication and penchant for shipping, has embraced the idea of "Larry Stylinson" transcending the realm of fan fiction. Supporters are quick to point out moments of alleged chemistry and shared glances captured in photos and videos from the concert. However, it's crucial to approach these speculations with a level of caution, recognising that personal lives are inherently private.

Louis and Harry have yet to address the rumours directly, leaving fans to navigate the sea of speculation with a mix of excitement and curiosity. The shift from perceived enemies to potential lovers has sparked debates within the fandom, with some revelling in the idea of a romantic connection and others urging for respect for the artists' privacy.

While it's easy to get swept up in the fantasy of a romantic turn, it's important to remember that celebrities are entitled to keep their personal lives private. The dynamics between Louis Tomlinson and Harry Styles are complex and multifaceted, and assumptions should be made with care.

As the rumour mill continues to churn, fans remain on the edge of their seats, eagerly awaiting any official statements from Louis Tomlinson and Harry Styles. Until then, the speculation surrounding their relationship serves as a testament to the enduring fascination with celebrity connections and the ability of fans to craft narratives that transcend the confines of reality.

“Decoding the Speculation: Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson's Relationship”

The whispers surrounding the relationship between Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson have reached a fever pitch, leaving fans and enthusiasts in anticipation of any clues about the true nature of their relationship.

Recent observations have sparked new rounds of speculation. The absence of social media interactions and mutual appearances at events has prompted questions about the dynamics between the two.

As both artists pursue successful careers, with Harry being a newcomer and Louis an experienced singer, some speculate that their connection may be more nuanced than public appearances suggest. Fans are sure they’re in a secret relationship and find proof everywhere. Only time will unveil the true nature of their relationship. What do you think? Are Louis Tomlinson and Harry Styles secretly in love?

Behind the tinted windows of his car, Harry crumbles as he reads the articles detailing the rumours about his relationship with Louis. The weight of the truth presses heavily on his shoulders, and the privacy they cherished slips through their fingers with each word written.

As he reads the speculations, tears stream down Harry's face, tracing the contours of a vulnerability. The car becomes a sanctuary for his emotions, and the stifled sobs echo in the confined space, a poignant symphony of heartache and loss.

In that moment, the last remnants of a cherished privacy evaporate, leaving Harry raw and exposed. The articles, once a distant gossip, now transform into a harsh reality that has stripped away the freedom they held dear. The car bears witness to the unravelling of a part of himself, a quiet storm of emotions he must weather alone now that he lost everything.

Chapter Text

Storms make trees take deeper roots.

-Dolly Parton

Nothing feels right anymore. His career has taken off enormously, his ship sails merrily over a sea of phone lights from his ever-growing fan base at every show but he himself sits below deck, huddled together behind thick wooden barrels and would prefer to never step into the sunlight again. What does life have in store for him? A bank account and full halls, but also a heavy heart. Not only does he suffer from his decision to sign the contract with Flo, but so does Harry. He plunged his most loved person into deep sadness.

They no longer enjoy the Larries' theories and tweets; everything is overshadowed by the public engagement to Florence and Louis notices how Harry is withdrawing from him. It's not just the separation of the two and the fact that they are no longer allowed to visit each other, he notices that Harry is unhappy, perhaps even more than he is. Their conversations on the phone consist mostly of tears on both sides, half-hearted encouragement that doesn't really help either of them. Louis feels so helpless, so at the mercy of management and he doesn't know how he can endure this situation any longer.

And so, with a sad expression on his face and lonely, he takes Harry's call in a hotel room in France after one of his concerts.

"Hi dimple heart," he says quietly, pulling the blanket closer around himself, trying to imagine it's Harry's arms.

“Baby,” Harry just sighs and yes, he sounds so deeply sad again that it really hurts Louis.

“How are you?” Louis asks.

"It's going ok. I watched your live stream, it helped some of the longing,” he murmurs back.

"That's good."

Silence. Quiet sniffling and Louis joins in. It's the only thing he does at the moment in these quiet moments after the high after one of the concerts.

"Darling... I'm so sorry," Louis chokes out, the tightness in his throat and chest barely letting the words come out.

“No Lou, it’s not your fault, how many times do I have to tell you? It... It sucks, yeah. But… I have no idea.”

“But it’s my fault. I gave them the power back then just because I wanted more. I don't want you to pay the price... if... if you want to... fuck!" he shouts and feels like he has to give Harry a chance to be free from all this, he doesn't deserve it and yet he can't get it said. But Harry is his soulmate, of course he knows immediately what he is talking about, knows him better than anyone else.

“No Louis. Stop it now!” he hisses, suddenly sounding more angry than sad. His voice is literally cutting.

“But… Harry, you could be free, gay for the public. I'm holding you back. I'm not worth you tormenting yourself like this. I'm publicly straight and engaged. If... if you want to break up, then I won't be mad at you," Louis cries, no longer able to hold back the sobs between his words.

"You're a damn idiot and I'm so mad that you're suggesting something like that to me, alone that you're thinking about something like that!" Harry suddenly shouts, so that Louis has to hold his phone away from his ear.

“I only want the best for you,” Louis whines and cringes, just wanting him to understand. "I love you too much."

"I... I don't want to talk to you anymore right now... I'm hanging up now... You... wow Louis, that you even give a thought to the fact that I would want that..."

Harry's tone is more disappointed than Louis has ever heard before and he can't even apologise anymore when all that can be heard is the tooting.

"Fuck!" Louis screams into his pillow, buries his face in there and knows he's only made everything worse. Even though he had the best intentions. It hasn't been about him for a long time, he can handle it somehow, he doesn't really care if he comes out of this broken but... His dimple heart, this wonderful man, he shouldn't suffer and that's all he wanted for him… Give him a chance. As if he wanted to break up himself, no, but if it would help Harry… then he would accept the pain of a life without Harry. He would probably die of a broken heart anyway and Louis doesn't even think that's the worst solution at this moment. Then he wouldn't have to put up with this bullshit anymore. Would be free. His soul could swirl around in some spheres of rainbow colours and would wait for his great love until his time came. And fuck, his thoughts are black. Louis knows that this development is not good, that he is drifting away again and the worst thing about it is that he can't do anything about it.

Maybe he should go on Twitter, gather his courage until Harry has vented, and then call him again. To be honest, Louis doesn't even know what's right anymore.

He logs into his burner account and scrolls through his timeline and soon finds what he is looking for.

@LarryIsMyRomanEmpire

A thread why I think Louis is gay, Florence is a stunt and he’s in love with Harry. Please remember that this is just my opinion and don't send me hate! Antis stay away!

First of all - Louis used to wave a gay flag at every one of his concerts the years before and yes, that's not a sure sign, but in combination with his songs it's confirmation enough for me. Only the brave? Hello? Give me a straight explanation for this! And we all know how open and honest Louis is in his lyrics!

Secondly, suddenly the shadows in the VIP boxes stop, Harry and Louis seem more miserable than ever since then and as the rumours and articles became more and more, at the exact moment the bombshell was dropped that Louis and Florence are getting engaged? Just months into their ‚relationship‘? Who is supposed to believe that?

Apart from that, Florence is probably on the queer side of the spectrum herself; there have been rumours here too for years. These two are so obviously doing a stunt that it's almost ridiculous. The only advantage Florence has here is that she is an actress. She definitely has better control of her face than Louis did in their initial photos.

Let's get to the Twitter fight between Harry and Louis. Excuse me? At first I really thought they really hated each other. I thought the sexual tension behind the words was just something I was imagining. But I now believe that it was all fake and that they probably wrote these tweets while giggling and being naked together in bed.

It was a pure distraction for the crowd and even a topic of conversation, actually the perfect ploy. Or maybe Louis and Harry have even become closer because of that? Were the tweets the start of their love? I would love to know to what extent we fans are being ripped off by their management but I know one thing for sure. These two men love each other!

Louis gives the post a like, quickly checks again that it was really from his burner and not his official account and scrolls around a bit, looks at manipulated pictures of himself and Harry that the Larries made and likes a few posts here and there. It helps a little, but not really. None of these people have to go through this and yet Louis is more than grateful that at least a few believe in their love and not the lies in the media.

Which makes him think again about one of the articles for his fake engagement. Of course, the next moment he tortures himself when he opens it again.

She said yes! Florence Pugh and Louis Tomlinson are engaged!

It must have been great love when, after only months of dating, singer Louis asked his sweetheart Florence the question of all questions. And in the same breath, the loud rumours about a possible relationship with newcomer and singer Harry Styles are put to rest. Louis Tomlinson is definitely in love - but with the pretty blonde. Close sources report how romantic the proposal was and that Florence cried when Louis asked her for her hand. Apparently he had written her his own love song and sang it to her in an empty and decorated concert hall before one of his concerts. Who wouldn't say yes?

In any case, the entire editorial team congratulates the two of them with all their hearts and we can hardly wait to see how beautiful the two of them will celebrate their wedding soon. Given the speed between the two, their love will definitely be sealed quite quickly. Will there even be a little offspring of the two soon after the wedding? We will keep you up to date. While we're all waiting eagerly, click through the gallery with the most beautiful photos of Florence and Louis, the cutest couple in show business at the moment.

Louis is sick. Like every time he read this. Why does he keep doing this to himself? And what if the creator of the article is right and this is his future? A wedding and a child with Florence? What if that’s exactly management’s plan? Louis knows that even a big star like Elton John couldn't resist a wedding back then and how is Louis supposed to do it? He knows that management has its own ways, if necessary with threats, which they can certainly enforce through lawyers.

How is Louis supposed to get through something like this when all this is already taking his breath away? And again his thoughts wander to Harry. How disappointed he is in him. How he made a mistake again. Apparently Louis can't do anything right, makes the wrong decisions and chooses the wrong words. Once again the urge to self harm is so great that he has to push himself hard. The demons whisper sweet words in his ear, practically coaxing him to act on the urge to do it because it would soothe his inner pain and Louis knows that they are right. But for how long? He knows just as well how he felt every time afterwards. Full of shame about his own weakness and helpless about the new scars. No. He promised Harry and even if he is the worst boyfriend ever at this moment, he will not break the promise he made to the love of his life. He will be strong for Harry. At least until it breaks him. The bad thing is, Louis knows that this moment can and probably will come sooner than he would like.

Crying quietly to himself, he opens the chat with Harry and writes a desperate message.

Louis

I'm sorry, dimple heart. So sorry. I always have the best in mind for you, please don't think for a moment that I don't love you anymore or whatever is going on in that pretty head of yours. Please forgive me. I love you more than anything.

Chewing on his lower lip, Louis waits for an answer, hoping that three small dots appear there, showing him that Harry is answering. But nothing. Although his message was read, he knows how stubborn Harry can be and to be honest, he probably doesn't deserve it any other way.

Louis

I know you read the message. Please answer me. Or call me. Yell at me, whether via text or into your phone. I know I deserve it.

Again nothing. And Louis feels how much this is already tearing his heart into pieces; at this moment he doesn't know how he should cope with a separation. His stomach clenches painfully as does his heart and Louis knows he's screwed up.

Louis

I don't want a break up, dimple heart. The only thing I wanted was to tell you that if you wanted to live your sexuality freely without me, I would grant you this freedom and would never be angry with you. I don't know what else management has in store. I don't want to hurt you with my own bullshit for many more years. Please believe me that I never meant any harm.

Louis

May I call you?

And for the first time he sees three small dots and his heart finally starts to flutter a little in a long time before it quickly stops again when he reads the monosyllable answer from his hopefully still boyfriend.

Dimple Heart 💚

No.

Louis cries loudly and throws his phone away in pure desperation. It hits loud on the floor somewhere in the dark and he simply doesn't care. Louis hates himself. He hates himself for hurting Harry like that. He hates himself again for signing the contract. He hates himself for being gay, otherwise none of this would have happened. He hates how much it hurts all. 

That night he doesn't sleep for a second but cries until there are no more tears and he can only watch numbly as the darkness slowly gives way to a new day while his own thoughts remain black.

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

Louis has had another concert. His smile was fake on his face, which immediately falls off him as he comes backstage into his dressing room.

It will soon be 24 hours since he heard from Harry and his first grab is for his phone. But nothing. Harry seems like he might take advantage of his offer of a breakup after all, and Louis swallows quickly and blinks to keep from bursting into tears again.

He grabs one of the vodka bottles on the table, unscrews it and without further ado puts it against his mouth. He is empty and he simply doesn't care about anything. He just wants to numb himself, but his self-pity is interrupted by a knock on his dressing room door.

“Come in,” he calls, briefly allowing the hope that it might be Harry surprising him with a visit.

But the corners of his mouth immediately turn downwards again when he sees Florence come in. Sighing, he falls back onto the sofa and takes another big sip, welcoming the burning sensation down his throat.

She quietly sinks down on the sofa next to him and, without saying a word, takes the bottle from Louis' hand and puts it on as well. At least that makes Louis grin a little.

“Well, fiancé, are we drowning our problems in alcohol? I'm so into it," she finally says bitterly and hands him back the bottle.

"Seems so. Cheers,” he murmurs before taking another sip himself.

“You’re a bad actor. Even away in the VIP box I could see how fake your smile was. Plus, you were on the verge of crying during some of the songs. The fans have certainly noticed it too. What’s wrong Lou-Lou?” Flo asks and looks at him carefully.

“Have you heard from Harry?” Louis simply asks back. 

“He wrote to me earlier and told me to take good care of my fake fiancé. And here I am. What's wrong?" She answers and accepts the bottle that Louis holds out to her so that he can light a cigarette.

“At least he’s writing to you. Who would have thought that this transformation would happen?" Louis snorts bitterly and takes a deep drag, then slowly blows the smoke out between his lips.

“Does that mean he doesn’t write to you? Did you have a fight?” Florence asks, rubbing his forearm sympathetically.

"I'm an idiot. We're both dealing with the new development badly and I just wanted to let Harry know that... Well, if it's too much for him, because he could be publicly free... that I won't be mad at him if he wants to break up. It's enough if I, or rather we both, suffer from it. He doesn’t have to do it too,” Louis sighs. “He hung up and has been ignoring me ever since.”

"But apparently he's not mad enough not to worry when he asks me to look after you," Flo interjects encouragingly.

Louis laughs quietly. “It's crazy to think how jealous he was of you at first. He literally hated you.”

Florence also giggles. “He has a flair for drama. Just like you Lou-Lou.”

“I don’t want to deny that,” Louis nods, taking a thoughtful drag on his cigarette. “I don't know how to save our love anymore to be honest. You know... we love so strongly, were directly attracted to each other without really knowing the other and... since our first meeting, everything suddenly went downhill. It's as if the universe makes everything extra difficult for us, almost as a price for our strong bond and love. I don't know how I'm going to endure it all anymore. I don't want to be engaged with you for the public. I don't want Harry to suffer. I don't even want my career anymore to be honest. The price is too high and I'm empty Flo. I’m so empty that I’m afraid of myself.”

Louis looks beneath him and again he is too weak to hold back his tears. He bites his bottom lip hard, can already taste a little blood on his tongue, and yet sobs come out uncontrollably. The cigarette is gently taken from between his fingers and put out and then he is pulled into arms. Not the one he would most like to fall into, but Florence still turns out to be someone very easy to cry against. Louis doesn't know how long he cries leaning in her arms or how long she talks to him quietly without Louis ever really hearing a word what was said to him. He only knows one thing - he misses Harry more than ever.

“Louis! We have to move on, come on out and get on the tour bus!” his security suddenly calls out.

“I’m coming right away!” Louis shouts, frightened and breathless.

Sighing, he stands up, wipes his eyes and cheeks, and reaches for the vodka bottle for one last sip. “Are you coming?” he then asks Florence quietly and offers her his hand.

But she shakes her head. “I'm driving with a car to a hotel for tonight and coming by plane tomorrow. Management has arranged an appointment for me here tomorrow for my latest film. But just go. And write to me or call if you need me, okay?”

Louis just nods and opens his arms, which Florence quickly steps into. They hold each other close and he is so grateful that she has become a real friend.

"Thank you for listening and comforting me," he smiles wryly and then goes out with his head bowed, looking at his phone one last time in the hallway, which still doesn't announce a new message from Harry.

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

Florence POV

It hurts even her to see Louis like this. And if she was already upset when her and Louis' management announced they were planning an engagement, then that doesn't come close to what she's feeling now.

It is simply wrong how people play with such a love and three lives. With feelings that get hurt without their teams even caring for a moment.

And as she watches Louis leave the room like a beaten dog with his head bowed, she makes a decision. She doesn't care how drastic it is, what it means to each of them, but it's enough. Oh the storm will be fierce, especially for Louis and Harry, but Florence hopes that once it passes, these two people can be publicly happy.

Neither Florence nor Louis can get out of their contracts just like that. Not now, not tomorrow and not in the foreseeable future. She would be foolish to believe or hope otherwise. But what if something is made public that can no longer be talked down.

Florence overheard one of the sound engineers bragging about having made a video of Louis and Harry in a very explicit situation. Two weeks ago, when she found out about it, she had already shouted at him angrily that he should delete it, it would be an invasion of privacy and what's more, Louis management would behead him if it ever came out that he owned this video.

Florence knows that it's an open secret in Louis' team that he and Harry are together, and the video wasn't sent out but was shown to everyone who wanted to see it without Louis having any idea. And Florence kept it to herself, asking this sound engineer, his name is Danny, almost every day to delete it. But he always just waved her away and turned away, saying he was busy.

And that's exactly what's perfect for Florence‘s plan now. She hopes that he still hasn't complied with her request and, shortly after Louis leaves, she rushes down the hallways into the now empty concert hall and straight to Danny, who is still dismantling.

When Florence arrives in front of him, he just rolls his eyes. “I still don’t delete it.”

“That’s good!” Florence says. “Because you’re going to put it online. Now!"

Danny looks up in shock and his mouth falls open. "Have you lost your mind?"

"No! Or yes, maybe I have. If you don't want to post it, send it to me. I'll put it online. But it has to stay between the two of us. Nobody can find out that the two of us are behind it!”

“How is that supposed to work, Florence? Half the team knows that I have this video!” he exclaims in horror.

“Say your phone was hacked or that you lost it. I'll even buy you a new one. But I need your help now and immediately!”

"I don't understand..." Danny says and looks at her irritated.

Florence throws her hands up in the air in annoyance and leans closer to him. “You can probably guess that I’m not really engaged to Louis. You have proof on your phone that he's gay. That he loves a man. And management is destroying us all with these lies. I'm putting an end to this. It will be uncomfortable for Louis and Harry if everyone sees them having sex but... they are free. I am free. Come on, send it to me. You're obviously going to lose your phone for the team, right now! I’ll take care of the rest,” she whispers quickly. And seems to convince Danny, who nods with still wide eyes.

“Give me your number,” he finally says quietly and Florence soon has the video on her phone.

“Now play your part,” she smiles at him. And as she makes her way back through the hall to the backstage area, she hears Danny calling loudly to the others. “Shit, has anyone seen my phone?”

Florence giggles quietly to herself, her heart beating fast at the thought of what she's about to do.

Nervous, she can hardly stand the drive to her hotel and is grateful when she finally enters her room.

She throws herself on the bed, creates a fake account on Twitter and then watches the video for the first time.

It's explicit. Very explicit and Florence's cheeks redden as she watches Harry and Louis making passionate love in Louis' dressing room. She can't possibly post the whole video, so she just opts for a snippet in which their tattoos and faces can be seen perfectly, but not quite exactly how Louis fucks into Harry. God, Florence is going to hell, she's sure of that. But the best thing about this excerpt is that they both reassure each other again and again how much they love each other.

It's perfect. At least perfect because the management has no chance of denying it. These are unmistakably Harry and Louis.

And so she posts it with bated breath, hoping that the video will quickly go viral before anyone can intervene.

Chapter Text

The first requirement for winning a fight is to completely forget about the possibility of losing that fight, no matter how bad the conditions get!

- Mehmet Murat ildan

It's the middle of the night and Harry doesn't sleep because every time he closes his eyes he sees Louis' face, sad and broken, all hopes vanished into nothing but misery. 

Instead, he mindlessly scrolls through Twitter and Instagram, interacting with some fans here and there to at least do something productive that occupies his mind. Still, he can't stop thinking about Louis wanting to break up with him because he thinks it would be better. 

How could losing him entirely be better than having him only part time? Yes, he hates the current situation and it hurts so much he can't believe he's still alive, but losing him would actually kill him, that's for sure. Why doesn't Louis see that? Would Louis prefer them to separate? 

Sighing, he focuses back on his phone, trying to forget his thoughts. 

Harry leisurely swipes through his Twitter feed, absorbing a stream of photos and videos. Suddenly, a notification pops up – he's been tagged in a video. With a quick tap, he pauses to watch the content, intrigued by the unexpected mention that late at night and from an account he's never seen before. 

Even before starting the video, his heart seems to stop and he forgets to breathe when he sees the caption. 

@UndeniableLarryProof

@Harry_Styles and @Louis_Tomlinson are in a relationship. 👨❤️👨 They're in love and they fuck. We were right. Just look at the video. #LarryStylinsonIsReal #LouisandHarry #LarryPorn

Harry's eyes widen as he reads the caption accompanying the tagged video on Twitter again and again. A wave of panic washes over him, and a knot tightens in his stomach. Bracing himself, he hesitantly taps play, feeling an unsettling sickness creeping in as the video unfolds.

His fear was more than justified, he realises when he recognises where this video got recorded after just one second of looking at it. 

It's indeed Louis and him having sex in Louis' dressing room and there is just no denying. It's a good video and you can see everything. Their tattoos are on full display and you can clearly see their faces and the outlines of their bodies. Louis' movements aren't very subtle either and every child would see that they had sex. And if there were any doubts about the nature of their relationship the sound of the video would give it away. They're constantly talking, confessing their love to each other and moaning in between. 

A sinking sensation settles in Harry's chest as he watches the video featuring him and Louis. The content unfolds in a way that leaves him feeling humiliated, and a sense of sickness lingers, fueled by a mix of embarrassment and discomfort. The weight of public scrutiny adds an extra layer to the emotional turmoil he experiences.

It's hot soft porn and Harry would have enjoyed it if it wasn't him as one of the lead roles. Now, all he feels is humiliation and panic. Who on Louis' team would be pathetic enough to record them and not only that, even post this video? A video of Harry and Louis. 

Louis, who is supposed to be straight. 

Louis, who is alone in his tour bus right now, probably crying desperately. 

Louis, whose career is at stake now that the video came out. 

Louis, who he ignored for way too long now. 

Shit, Harry has to do something. He can't just keep on staring at the video and watching how more and more replies come in. The video gets reblogged again and again and he's sure that their names are trending everywhere by tomorrow morning. 

With shaking hands he dials Louis' number, hoping that he would pick up immediately. He doesn't though and instead his call goes to voicemail. 

Not knowing whether Louis just ignores him or actually isn't able to answer the phone right now, he calls again. And again. 

By his fourth try Harry is full on crying, his body filled with panic. 

In a desperate attempt to save his relationship or whatever is still intact after everything that happened lately he storms into his bedroom and quickly throws some clothes into a backpack. He needs to see Louis, needs to be there for him. 

They have to face the storm that's coming together or they both will go down with it. 

Already on his way to the door his phone rings and he's so relieved, Harry doesn't even look at the caller ID before picking up. 

“Baby, have you seen this? Shit. I'm already on my way to you,” he greets him, grabbing his keys. 

“You can't visit Louis now, Harry,” Sam sighs and Harry instantly cries more at the sound of the wrong man's voice. 

He sobs into the phone and Sam, who seems to be exceptionally empathic today, explains, “Look Harry, I'm sorry. I know this must be hard for you, but you can't see him. His management is in rage, they try to find a solution but I think they'll drop and sue him.” 

“You just gave me one more reason to immediately go there. He needs me,” Harry says in between sobs. 

“No Harry. Don't. You'll only make it worse for him. It's your own fault for recording yourself during that. How stupid can you be? Videos like that always find their way to the public,” Sam says, sounding disappointed and for the first time even a little bit angry. 

“We didn't record anything,” Harry exclaims, angry at the accusation. “I don't know who did this but it definitely wasn't us. Why should we take such a risk?” 

“I don't know. Maybe you did this on purpose to rebel against management, Harry? I don't know, but I do know that someone created the account just to post this and not many people could have recorded it.” 

“I would never do that. It'll hurt Louis and his career,” Harry now almost screams into the phone. 

Closing his door behind him he walks down to find a taxi to go to the airport immediately. Fuck management. He will be there for Louis now, no matter what they're saying. 

“Okay, I pretend I believe that. But if I find out you're behind it, you'll suffer, are we clear? You may be safe now because you technically didn't break any contracts but don't think there won't be consequences for you too. This disgusting video created a publicity nightmare and it will hurt your career as well. So stay home and keep your mouth shut. We’ll decide together with Pete how we handle that situation and until then you have to stay out of any media. I don't want to see your name or face anywhere,” Sam hisses, his patience already crumbling. 

“Fine,” Harry just answers before disconnecting the call a second later. He won't listen to what anyone tells him right now, no one knows what's best for them and after the bubble created by management burst, all that matters is Louis. 

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

He arrives at the airport in record time after bribing the driver to hurry up and break multiple traffic regulations. He runs inside and hopes to find a flight within the next few hours, unable to wait a second longer. 

Harry, fueled by determination, engages in a fervent argument with the airline staff at the airport, pleading for a flight to reunite with Louis. Despite being told that all seats are taken, he persists, passionately explaining the urgency. The tension in his voice mirrors his desperation. After a tense exchange, a sympathetic agent, who also is a fan of Harry which may have helped, manages to secure a last-minute ticket, allowing Harry a sigh of relief as he rushes towards the departure gate, eager to bridge the distance.

With a mix of anticipation and anxiety, Harry boards the airplane, finding his seat amidst the hum of passengers and the distant roar of engines. Before takeoff, he checks his phone one last time, disappointment creeping in as he notices no call or message from Louis. With a resigned sigh, he powers off his phone, disconnecting from the outside world as the plane prepares to soar into the sky, carrying him toward the uncertain reunion ahead.

What if Louis thinks it's his fault just like Sam does? What if he doesn't want to see him anymore and secretly already tries to somehow navigate his way out of this catastrophe? 

A feeling of hopelessness overcomes him and Harry once again starts to cry, ignoring the strange gazes from the other passengers. Once in his life he doesn't care about everyone else's thoughts. All he can think of is Louis and this stupid video that might have ruined everything for them. 

Halfway through the flight a man walks down the aisle, stopping in front of him and looking at Harry with a frown on his face. 

“Aren't you Harry Styles?” The man asks and Harry just hopes no one hears him or at least posts about it. 

“Yes?” He answers insecurely, looking up and directly into his eyes. 

Harry doesn't have a chance to react in any way, before the man spits into his face and calls out, “You faggot. What you're doing is disgusting. You should get arrested for it. Disgusting, absolutely disgusting!” 

The man doesn't wait for an answer and no other passenger cares enough to do anything and so Harry just watches him leave, his mouth hanging open in shock and his cheeks red from embarrassment. 

Seated within the confines of the airplane, Harry's mind is clouded with a tumultuous mix of emotions after the degrading incident. The residual warmth from the spiteful saliva on his skin intensifies the rawness of the moment. His chest tightens with the immediate shock and disbelief, the metallic taste of insult lingering in his mouth.

In the present, as the aircraft's engines hum around him, he grapples with the profound hurt etched into his being. The act of bigotry echoes in his thoughts, a cruel reminder of the challenges faced by simply being true to himself. The confined space of the airplane seems to magnify the weight of the experience, and he takes a moment to breathe, trying to find solace amidst the turbulence of emotions.

The view outside the window remains indifferent to his internal struggle. Amidst the sterile cabin atmosphere, Harry is determined to rise above this ugly encounter. The journey ahead symbolises not only a physical transit but also a quest for emotional distance from the hurtful incident, as he endeavours to find strength and resilience above the clouds.

It's not the first time he gets insulted for being different but it was a new level and Harry just hopes it's a one time incident. 

Still shaken by the events he leaves the airplane after landing, not caring about the cameras recording his arrival anymore. 

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

As Harry quickens his steps toward Louis' tour bus, a twinge of anxiety intertwines with his urgency. The thudding of his heart matches the beat of his hurried strides, fueled not only by anticipation but also a growing fear about Louis' well-being. 

The vibrant surroundings of the venue blur as worry gnaws at him, creating a bittersweet tension between the eagerness to reunite and the apprehension about the state in which he might find Louis.

Approaching the tour bus, Harry's senses are assaulted by a chorus of angry voices, screaming something Harry can't make out. 

The air is thick with tension, and a knot tightens in his stomach as he hears the hostile clamour. The thick atmosphere doesn't alleviate his discomfort; instead, it adds a layer of uncertainty, intensifying the feeling of sickness as he confronts the potentially volatile situation ahead.

Rounding the tour bus he sees a crying Louis sitting on the ground while several people in suits stand before him, shouting at him about the situation and that there will be consequences. 

His fear and insecurity is instantly replaced by a seething anger that floods through his body.

In the midst of the charged atmosphere, Harry strides purposefully towards Louis, ignoring the assholes who seem to think screaming is a solution. 

Seething with anger, he takes a seat beside Louis, who just now notices his presence, Harry's jaw clenched and eyes ablaze with indignation. The air crackles with tension as he positions himself, a silent yet forceful presence, ready to confront the source of Louis' distress and fiercely protect him from the unjust storm surrounding them.

He doesn't dare to touch Louis, not sure if he wants it but he sits down close enough to feel Louis' body heat. 

With anger in his eyes, he looks up at the men who temporarily stopped shouting and now look at Harry with big eyes. 

“What the fuck are you doing here? You have no business here,” one man shouts when he finds his voice again. 

“Oh shut up!” Harry yells back. “This is my business and you know it. But I have a suggestion for you: What if you just piss off to where you came from and stop being such a dickhead.” 

“Did anyone see you?” A different man answers in horror. “We planned on telling everyone that the video of you two is fake.” 

“Oh please, how stupid can you be? Most of them didn't even buy your story about the engagement and now you really believe they'll think this is fake? You can clearly see our tattoos, hear our voices and even see our faces. Forget it. It's done,” Harry says, now standing up again to stand directly in front of the men. 

When one man tries to step around Harry to address Louis again, Harry takes a step in front of him and hisses, “Don't you dare talk to him. It's over now. Piss off and instead of shouting without making sense try to find out who recorded us. That would be more helpful than the bullshit you're pulling right now.” 

When no one reacts and everyone just looks between Louis and him, he shouts, “Go! Leave us alone!” 

They're obviously angry, their faces red and their expressions clouded, but they seem to understand that they don't stand a chance against Harry right now. 

When they turn around one man says, “It's not the last you've heard of us. We'll sue you, Louis Tomlinson, and when we're done with you, you'll have nothing left but the little terrier you like to fuck.” 

Harry ignores them, already focusing on Louis, who still cries on the ground and doesn't even look up. 

Kneeling down in front of him, Harry asks, “Baby, are you okay? Can I hug you?” 

Still not looking up at him Louis just nods and lets himself fall forward into Harry's waiting arms. When Louis finally is close to him again, he starts to cry with him, a mix of relief, anger and desperation fighting for dominance inside of him. 

Harry and Louis find solace in each other's embrace. Tears stream down their faces, mirroring the shared weight of desperation. In the midst of vulnerability, they cling to each other, their intertwined arms forming a lifeline amid the emotional storm. The quiet strength of their embrace speaks volumes, a poignant moment of connection amid the chaos.

“I'm so sorry, baby,” Harry murmurs and hugs him even tighter. 

Louis stills in his arms, pushing him away a little to finally look him in the eyes while asking, “What are you sorry for? Is it true what they say? Did you record us? I, I told them you would never do that.” 

“God, baby, no, of course not,” Harry hurries to say, cupping Louis' face, “I didn't do it, I swear. I'm just sorry for what you're going through.” 

Nodding, Louis whispers, “We're in this together, aren't we?” 

It breaks Harry's heart how insecure he seems to be about everything and he feels guilty for it. It's his fault Louis isn't sure if they're still together. He regrets nothing so much as the fact that he withdrew from Louis and cut their communication completely. It wasn't right and a massive overreaction. 

“Of course we are, baby. I love you,” he whispers back and leans forward to kiss his forehead. 

“I do have a plan. What if we check into a hotel, take a nice bath and talk about everything? We can't change anything right now,” he says, wiping away Louis' tears. 

“I would like that,” Louis mumbles, “But I have a show tonight. Fuck, I don't want to go out there after everyone saw this. What if no one shows up anymore because they're too disgusted or something like that? Or what if they show up just to boo me out?” 

“I'll be there, baby. We face it together, whatever lies ahead of us, okay? But can we please go to a hotel now? I swear we'll be back in time for soundcheck,” Harry answers, already standing up and holding out his hand for Louis to take it. 

A surge of relief washes over Harry as Louis, in a gesture of trust, takes his already outstretched hand. The tension that gripped Harry begins to dissipate, replaced by a reassuring warmth. Together, they move towards the closest hotel, their entwined fingers signalling a shared understanding and a comforting step forward into a space where they can find respite from the turmoil.

Harry, still in the mood for fighting, throws daggers through his eyes at anyone looking at them and walks directly to the reception where he asks for a suite for them to move into without waiting. 

Of course it costs more to check in without notice and Harry rolls his eyes when he pays the overpriced room. 

Accompanied by a bellhop - and Harry really doesn't get why they need one - they use the elevator to get to the suite. When the bellhop starts to show them the rooms, he throws him out impatiently, stating that they're able to navigate through three rooms on their own.

Finally alone in the quiet privacy of their suite, they hug again, the weight of the worst news still heavy in the air. 

Seeking solace, they make a beeline for the bathtub, a sanctuary of warm water awaiting them. As they immerse themselves, the tension begins to dissolve, replaced by a shared moment of respite. The soothing embrace of the water becomes a balm for their weary souls, offering a temporary escape from the harsh reality they face.

No one says a word, both not ready to face the truth yet and instead they just cuddle and kiss for over an hour before getting out of the tub again and crawling into bed together. 

They look each other deep in the eye, the atmosphere thick again and after a while, Louis whispers, his voice cracking, “Do you still want to stay with me even if I lose everything now?” 

“How can you even ask such a question?” Harry asks. “Of course I want to be with you. Even if we both lose everything and become homeless. Just being with you is enough for me. You're my soulmate, the love of my life, the man I want to spend my life with.” 

Louis starts to cry again, pressing himself into Harry so that every inch of their bodies touch. 

“I love you. So so much,” he says, kissing Harry's collarbone. 

In the cocoon of their suite, pressed against each other, Harry and Louis lie in bed, the weight of recent events lingering in the air. They embark on a candid conversation, laying bare their fears and feelings. The room becomes a sanctuary for honesty as they share the depths of their experiences, finding solace in each other's words.

Despite persistent calls from management, the two choose to ignore them, prioritising this intimate exchange over external pressures. The connection deepens as they navigate the complexities of their emotions, the bed becoming a haven where vulnerability and understanding intertwine.

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

When they leave their hotel again, hand in hand, several paparazzi and dozens of fans await them in front of it, their presence here obviously not as secretive as they wished it would be. 

Instead of interacting with their fans as they would usually do, Harry and Louis just cling to each other, walking as fast as possible without starting to run in a desperate attempt to avoid the aftermath of the video posted against their will and without their knowledge. 

Harry and Louis reluctantly make their way to the venue for Louis' concert, a cloud of tension overshadowing the usual anticipation. The atmosphere is strained as they arrive, greeted not by the usual excitement but by the stern presence of their managers, Pete and Sam and by two of the men in suits from earlier. The weight of the leaked video hangs in the air, creating an uncomfortable backdrop for the meeting, and despite their reluctance, they find themselves unable to avoid confronting the situation at the venue.

“We'll face this together,” Harry says in a desperate attempt to soothe Louis, who tenses up next to him. “You and me, baby. We'll make it through. We're stronger than ever and who the fuck is gonna stop us now that we can be together?” 

Instead of an answer Louis squeezes his hand, holding onto him for dear life. 

“I told you not to go, Harry. Have you seen what you've done? The video is everywhere as are pictures and videos of you on your journey here and with you and Louis entering a hotel together. This is a catastrophe,” Sam says as soon as they're within reach. 

“I'm sorry, Sam, but I had to, okay. We just have to build a strategy to get through this together, we'll cooperate and are open to your suggestions,” Harry answers, opting for a peaceful solution. 

“Together?” Pete yells. “Oh no. You're on your own now. Louis, our lawyers already sorted out everything. You're not our client anymore and this concert will be your last. It's on you to explain to your fans why you let them down like that. I don't care, you're not my problem anymore. We will sue you, so you better say goodbye to your career tonight.” 

Desperation grips Harry as he listens to the consequences looming over Louis. The weight of the situation presses down on him, and a sense of helplessness washes over him. The words outlining the repercussions resonate deeply, stirring a mix of anxiety and sorrow. In that moment, Harry grapples with the overwhelming desire to shield Louis from the harsh aftermath, yet the reality of the situation leaves him feeling trapped and desperate.

Louis next to him seems to have found a new strength within him. He straightens his back and looks Pete directly in the eyes while saying, “I didn't expect anything else from you. Maybe this will cost me my career, we will see, but I also won something that's way more important: My freedom.” 

Only when Pete and the lawyers leave again, Louis' face crumbles and he looks at Harry, horrified and desperate. 

“Fuck, Harry. I can't do that. How can I go on stage today, singing and pretending to be fine just to announce at the end that this was my last concert?” 

When tears fill his eyes again, Harry pulls him into another embrace, trying to find the right thing to say. 

“If you want to, I'll come with you and help you. And even if you don't want me on stage with you, you're not alone. I'll be up there, proudly cheer you on during your concert and be your anchor when you tell them that the rest of your tour is cancelled. And when we get it over with, we'll fight together until you're truly free and find a better management and label for yourself. And at your first concert I will be there, for the whole world to see, and for the first time in your career you can be your true self. It will be the best feeling ever.” 

Even if the future he pictures is not realistic or at least lies far in the future, Harry smiles at the thought and his heart warms when Louis smiles back at him. 

In the vast landscape of uncertainty, Harry and Louis stand on the precipice, their journey akin to a turbulent sea. Despite the storm clouds overhead, a flicker of hope emerges, a resilient beacon in the night, whispering that the sunrise of the future might yet paint their skies with colours of renewal.

Chapter Text

If you only carry one thing throughout your entire life, let it be hope. Let it be hope that better things are always ahead. Let it be hope that you can get through even the toughest of times. Let it be hope that you are stronger than any challenge that comes your way.

Let it be hope that you are exactly where you are meant to be right now, and that you are on the path to where you are meant to be... Because during these times, hope will be the very thing that carries you through.

- Nikki Banas

Louis Tomlinson

After the incident, my management and I decided to go our separate ways. So this will be my last show today. I'm sorry for every single person affected by this decision and that I'm disappointing you with it. I will try to make it up to you in the future and come back to you on stage. All tickets can be returned and your money will be refunded. Again, I'm sorry. Louis x

Louis posts his tweet and, sighing, drops the phone onto the sofa next to him as he presses his face into Harry's chest who holds him in his arms. Louis actually feels like he has no more tears to cry and yet another one escapes into the fabric of Harry's sweater. Both of them have been sitting cuddled up together in the backstage area for hours, waiting for the last concert to start. But time passes slowly. There is a strange atmosphere in the air, the whole team only walks through the hallways whispering and Louis doesn't even dare to go out anymore. The fear of seeing disappointed faces, angry or contemptuous ones, is too great. Because of him, people have lost their jobs for the next few months. Louis doesn't know how he's ever going to make all of this up to them.

And yet an idea for this last concert comes to him and he sits up so that Harry looks at him in surprise.

“What are you planning to do, baby?” he asks quietly, running his fingers through Louis’ fringe.

“I'll be right back,” he murmurs and disappears from his wardrobe without further ado. 

It doesn't take long until he finds the people on his team as well as his band. With his head bowed, he tells everyone the same thing.

“Last song tonight Only the Brave. I`m sorry for everything."

And then he disappears quickly and without waiting for an answer, too afraid to read disappointment or something else unpleasant in their eyes. Louis is simply not strong enough. He already knew after Harry's ignorance that it wouldn't last much longer, he had already sunk so deep into an emotional hole and now he definitely feels buried there, with a huge layer of brown earth above him and the strength in his arms is not enough to free himself from it. Not even with Harry by his side. It's all just too much.

He quietly sneaks back into his dressing room and is immediately greeted by a worried-looking Harry and his open arms. He's still sitting on the sofa and Louis falls right next to him, snuggles in and enjoys for a moment how Harry's arms wrap around him.

“I... I quoted your tweet... Um, I hope that was okay. But I don't think we can get ourselves into much more trouble anyway," Harry stammers and without answering, Louis grabs his phone, which is still lying on the sofa, and opens Twitter.

Harry Styles

My boyfriend is not to blame and I will not tolerate anyone who says such a thing. It's entirely different people's fault that closeting and a stunt were necessary and that all of this came about. Love is love and I wish everyone would finally understand that. Louis, I love you!

Louis reads the tweet several times, blinking, trying to understand that this is now his new reality. Harry publicly declaring his love for him? Harry who stands up for him and roars like a lion, ready to fight anyone for him? It feels strange and Louis can only be a little happy about it because he is afraid of what consequences this will have. In general, he is more scared than he has ever been in his life. What will become of him now? Is he still able to make music? Will there be any of his assets left after management and their lawyers are done with him?

It feels like the hole he's sitting in is getting a little deeper and he can feel the ground crumbling beneath him.

“Louis? Say something, I'm a little nervous here now," Harry murmurs and Louis looks up at him. Stares for a long time into those green eyes that also contain some fear.

“Why didn't you answer me?” Louis just asks, which is something that has been bothering him all the time and he has the feeling that they haven't really had the chance to talk about it yet. “You write for everyone to read that you love me. I had little feeling in the last few hours before the video.”

Harry swallows and lowers his eyes, only for them to rest on him again the next moment. "It was wrong. I wasn't thinking clearly anymore. I actually didn't even really pay attention to your messages after the call. It was clear in my head that you wanted to break up.”

“And you’re just back here because of the video? When would you have contacted me, Harry?" Louis asks, hurt so deeply and only now feeling the weight of what happened between them. Just as he feels the first angry and desperate tears gathering in his eyes.

All while tears already run down Harry's cheeks.

“You know, I'm tired of crying all the time. I want to be in love, I want to see everything through rose-coloured glasses and I just want to be fucking happy,“ Louis adds before Harry can say anything.

And there is it - the anger at all the injustices in this world. The anger at Harry's behaviour. The anger over this stupid video and the fact that still no one knows who recorded it and posted it online.

“I want this too Louis, please believe me. I know it's little consolation, but we can soon live more normally, even if it's so damn hard for you right now. To an extent for me too but not so much as for you. But I'll do anything for you. And I promise you that when I get mad and hurt, I won't exclude you anymore," Harry babbles between his tears and takes Louis' face in his hands and then adds more quietly, "Please forgive me."

And as if Louis could only deny this man one wish or be angry for too long. So he nods and lets his forehead fall against Harry's, searching first his eyes and then his mouth. Like so many kisses before, this one tastes salty from their tears and Louis vows that no matter what drama surrounds his career, he will make sure that he doesn't exchange tearful kisses with Harry anymore. If only, then tears of joy.

When he lets go of Harry, he keeps his mouth hovering over his, his eyes closed and whispers softly against his lips. “We have to treat each other differently. After tonight I'll withdraw a little, sort out the chaos in my life and want us to find more together. We have to become a team, dimple heart… a real one. Not just a little like before.”

"Yes... That's exactly what I want," Harry breathes, sealing their lips in a kiss again.

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

There are only two hours until his show and Louis is on the verge of madness. He keeps walking up and down his dressing room, stopping and tearing his hair while Harry looks at him helplessly.

“Baby, you need to calm down. Would you like to read some tweets with me? Maybe positive feedback will help you... I've already had a few under mine. Would you like to see them?"

Harry's voice is so gentle and pleading that Louis pauses, sighs deeply and crawls into his lap. It feels like they hadn't left the sofa today.

"Aww baby, love it when you're so cuddly," Harry coos, burying his nose in his hair and pulling him close.

“Mhm,” Louis only grumbles, who feels unable to have a conversation or sing in a few hours.

“And I love it when you have that angry kitten look. My grumpy baby,” Harry whispers in his ear, earning an eye roll from Louis.

“Okay, okay, I can’t seem to be able to cheer you up with anything. That's okay. We live out our feelings openly here,” Harry winks and then positions Louis in his lap so that he can easily look at Harry’s phone.

And so they both read some of the tweets, which are actually all positive.

@SignOfTheTimes28

I just knew you were a couple. And such a cute one at that. You have my full support and I am sorry that your relationship was exposed in this way. Will there be a Larry duet soon? 💙💚

@LarryShipperTillDeath

I love you and your love so much, omg! However, I can imagine how difficult the situation is for you. But we have your back! If you're reading this, which I don't think you are haha, please tell Louis that we still love him more than anything!

@RainbowLarrie777

Louis has saved my life with his music more than once! He has my full support during this difficult time and I will wait for him to come back. Gay and stronger than ever. I wish you as a couple all the best! ❤️🌈

And Louis can actually smile a little, even if he is still silent, just too deeply sad to find words.

Harry shows him how both of their names are trending, just like #WeLoveYouLouis and unfortunately also the sex video keeps appearing on the timeline all the time. 

Louis closes his eyes in shame every time and Harry's body beneath him cringes and his breath catches. Louis doesn’t even want to think about it more or he'll start crying again. In any case, his nausea increases every time he sees it briefly before Harry quickly scrolls further.

“Did you actually see it? I mean the video?” Harry whispers.

“No, I couldn’t. It's enough that I heard about it," Louis replies quietly.

Harry doesn't elaborate and continues scrolling until he comes to a linked article, obviously about Harry and Louis.

“Shall we read it?” Harry asks.

“Okay, it’s probably just nonsense in there anyway,” Louis shrugs and then watches as Harry opens it.

Scandal! Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson have come out with a sex tape!

Who would have thought? Louis Tomlinson and Harry Styles are a couple and so many questions remain unanswered. The relationship with Florence Pugh and the marriage proposal were just a nasty hoax or did Louis even cheat on her with Harry? When asked about Louis Tomlinson's now ex-management, they only gave the following statement: "We will not comment on it, Louis Tomlinson was one of the biggest disappointments to work with and he can now face the consequences of his behaviour."

We also asked Harry Styles' team for a statement and only received the following information: “Harry Styles' sexuality and his relationships are not something we comment on. More attention should be paid to his newly released album.”

So it remains to be seen what more details the future will reveal. What's safe to say is that these new findings probably surprised everyone, and if you look at the follower numbers on Tomlinson and Styles' social media accounts, you can assume that some people don't agree with this relationship.

Louis closes his eyes again for a moment, holds a hand on his cramping stomach and only notices too late that Harry has scrolled further down to the comments under the article. When Louis opens his eyes again he clearly sees that they have nothing in common with what was on Twitter. No support, only hate can be read there.

-I always knew that Louis was a fag. Disgusting. Just like this Styles. I need bleach for my eyes after the video.

-Abnormal and a sin. They will both burn in hell!

-Both disgust me. I could puke after watching the video.

-Two fairies and so successful? I hope they both never sell just one record again.

“Get rid of it!” Louis shouts and can’t read another comment. That was the last bit his body needed to deal with the stress and fears of the last hours in a completely different way.

With a swing he jumps up, puts his hand over his mouth, stumbles to the trash can and manages to throw up in it at the last second.

Hot tears run down his cheeks as his body throws up what little food he managed to cram into himself today.

"Oh god Lou, no," Harry exclaims in shock and the next second he's sitting on the floor next to him, rubbing his back.

Louis no longer even feels able to feel shame about throwing up in front of Harry, but is just busy enduring his cramping stomach and the pain, waiting helplessly for his body to finally give in.

Finally the urge to vomit subsides and he weakly lowers the trash can he was just holding in front of his face and collapses but is immediately pulled against Harry's body.

"Don't... I smell like puke," Louis replies in a rough voice.

"I don't care," Harry says, wiping the tears from Louis' cheek with his hand and then helping him up.

Without arguing, he lets Harry lead him through the hallway to the toilets and, leaning against the cool wall next to the sinks, Harry cleans his face with a damp cloth.

“Thank you,” he breathes and slides to the floor on the cold tiles, pulls his legs into his body and lets his head sink onto his knees.

“Do you have a toothbrush somewhere?” Harry asks.

“Yes, somewhere in the dressing room,” Louis just shrugs his shoulders and is suddenly so tired that he could fall asleep right there.

He is numb and distantly aware of Harry's footsteps receding and tries to concentrate on his breathing. There isn't a lot of time left before he has to go on stage, his throat is irritated from vomiting and he has to keep his nerve at least for tonight. It helps a little the longer breaths he takes until he suddenly stops completely when he hears Harry's voice. Who is obviously talking to someone.

Yeah, wait a minute, I'll be with him in a moment,” he says and when Louis raises his head, Harry is already in the toilet and has his phone to his ear.

Smiling, he kneels on the floor next to Louis and hands it to him. "It's Flo."

Louis nods and presses the phone to his ear. "Hello?"

“Lou-Lou! How are you?” Florence asks immediately without any further greeting.

“Don’t ask,” Louis sighs. "But how are you? God, I didn't think about you for a second. Have you seen them in the media wondering if I cheated on you with Harry?”

Flo laughs quietly. "Yes, I saw that. But they just write nonsense anyway, we know that. I'm fine so far. My management is pretty cool because I get press, so to speak, but I haven't done anything bad myself. Well… how to take it…”

“What do you mean by that?” Louis asks, frowning.

“Is Harry still with you?” Flo asks.

"Yes."

“Then turn on the speaker. And make sure no one else can listen,” she asks.

“Wait a minute,” Louis says, gets up from the floor, grabs Harry’s hand and, visibly confused, drags him into the hallway and quickly into the dressing room. There he locks the door and then turns on the speaker.

"Okay Flo, we're safe," Louis says. Harry's hand immediately finds his and they both seem to have the same feeling, that this is something important that she has to say.

"It was me," Florence says quietly and Harry and Louis just look at each other confused. Until almost simultaneously their eyes widen and they both understand.

"You... you shot the video?" Louis asks in disbelief and Harry snuggles closer to him, his hand squeezes Louis' tighter and the other one covers his mouth in shock.

“No… that was someone else. But it was me who posted it. Louis, please let me explain before you say anything, okay?”

Louis doesn't feel like listening to her right now, because how fucked up is this? Flo, a person he trusted, betrayed him like that. Him and Harry. Never in a thousand years had he thought she would be behind it. The truth hurts like a knife cutting through his skin and Louis doesn't want anything to do with her anymore. 

Still, she deserves to be heard and honestly, Louis is just exhausted and doesn't have it in him to lose even more. 

So Louis swallows and nods, searching for words so Harry answers instead. “You better have a good explanation Florence.”

"I hope so. The video was recorded secretly by one of Louis' team members. However, the person had already shown it everywhere to the rest of your team, Louis. And I've been asking them to delete it the whole time, but after our last conversation it worked out for the better. I couldn't see you or Harry being this miserable any longer. What's more, like you, I didn't want to be exposed to management any longer. I always thought mine was bad but yours topped it all off. I had the feeling they were unstoppable and mine just agreed to everything. You would be broken by it just like me. And that's why I posted the video. I'm more than sorry for what you have to go through now, Louis, and if there's anything I can do... only in consultation with you, of course, then I'll do it! I stand by you! Just like you Harry but... you can be free now. You can love each other and... I really just wanted to achieve something good with it. Please forgive me for the path I have taken. It seemed to be the only solution. And… and I ask that this stays between the three of us.”

“Don't tell me you did this for us, Flo!” Louis yells, suddenly not able to stop himself. “Everyone saw us. In an intimate moment no one should be part of but us. And you just decided to post something like that online to help us? I have some news for you: You fucked up and your actions destroyed so much more than you can imagine.” 

Louis' hands are shaking out of anger and he doesn't know what to do, but look at Harry, searching for support. 

“Florence,” he croaks out. “I hated you in the beginning, but you made me open up to you. I trusted you, Louis trusted you. I… I don't understand how you could do this.” 

He sounds vulnerable, more hurt than angry. 

“I'm so sorry, I really am,” Florence answers, now crying herself. “I know that I didn't think it through and I understand if you can't forgive me, but I really hope this isn't the end of our friendship. I can help you sort everything out. I do anything you want. I still hope it turns out well in the end and that it'll help you in the long run.”

Sighing, Louis pulls at his hair, not sure what do do now. He doesn't want to hate Flo, even if he's not sure if he'll ever truly forgive and trust her again. But being angry with her doesn't make sense in the long run. 

Harry and Louis look at each other, a silent communication between their eyes, between this close bond that they have. Until they finally nod and Louis speaks up this time.

“We won't say anything. We don't need another scandal after all. And yes… it was a stupid action on your part, Flo, and I will never forget it. But I know that it was born out of friendship. I will try forgive you —-“

"Me too. Hating you for it wouldn't do us any good, but I hope you know how much you hurt us and how stupid it was," Harry adds.

“And it would be good if you could comment on it and make it clear that I didn’t cheat on you. It's enough that I'm already being called a fag and a fairy, but I don't want to be a cheater too," Louis finally ends. He pushes the phone into Harry's hand and looks for his cigarettes on the chaos of the small table.

Finally found, he lights one up, puts his head back and inhales the first puff with his eyes closed.

What else is Louis supposed to do? It was a drastic step and Louis feels more than embarrassed in front of the whole world but ... to be honest, he hadn't been happy under his management for a long time. What if they had gone through with a wedding or a fake child? He knows it's not unusual and how much would all that have broken him? There's no point in getting upset any more, Louis is far too empty for that and has no energy left. What's the point of arguing? What's done is done. And at the end of the day, Harry and he can now be in love in public. It's a high price, which they both have to pay, but he loves Harry so much that deep down he's actually okay with it.

“Thank you, you two… and of course I’ll do it Lou-Lou. Again, I’m really sorry.”

“Alright, Flo. I don't think there's more to say right now. Thank you for being honest, I guess,” he says, not sure how to behave towards her now. He wants to forgive her, because he knows she was just stupid and didn't want to hurt him, but she may have ruined his whole career with her actions and that's something he can't get over just like that. 

Disconnecting the call, he smokes his cigarette absentmindedly and loses himself again in the fear of the upcoming show.

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

Louis feels detached from his body as he enters the stage, his mind doesn't want to accept what's in front of him and yet his feet carry him onto the stage.

He doesn't even know if he's singing the right lyrics, if a sound comes out from between his lips or if his mouth is just moving.

It feels like a dream, intangible, and he keeps his eyes closed for a long time until he finally dares to open them about halfway through the first song.

And what he sees there is something he didn't expect and it's as if he's emerging from deep water and hearing clearly for the first time and really perceiving his surroundings.

The fans are louder than usual, a sea of small rainbow flags waves towards him, from the bottom right up to the last ranks. Lots of posters that Louis can't take in so quickly without completely forgetting how to sing.

‚We support Larry!‘ He can read in the front rows and Louis puts his hand on his heart with his lower lip wobbling.

A look up at Harry in the brightly lit VIP box where Florence sat many shows before for everyone to see is all he needs to play the rest of the show. Carried by his love for the man and the love that flows towards him from his fans. Louis never expected such a reception.

Although he was so afraid of the show before, time now flies and a deep sadness runs through him as the music to Only the Brave starts to play.

Louis sees how the first fans start to cry, how they sing along to every word and the tears run down their cheeks. Some hold each other in their arms and others keep their heads bowed alone. It's not just Louis who suffers from all this. He knows that many of his fans are also closeted, he knows how much freedom he gave them with the concerts, even if sometimes only for a few hours. All of that is destroyed and Louis almost dies of compassion and a guilty conscience.

When the last notes fade away, thunderous applause breaks out and instead of storming straight off the stage as usual, he stands there, clings to his microphone and leans his head on his hands, which are around it, supporting himself on the stand.

“We love you Louis!” It shouts from all directions and he can’t take it anymore. Of course he cries.

Vulnerable in the middle of the stage for everyone to see. Suddenly he has hands around his waist, hands on his shoulders and when he looks around it's his band smiling encouragingly at him and standing close around him.

“Thank you,” he breathes quietly to them before clearing his throat and then addressing his fans.

His voice is croaky and repeatedly interrupted by sniffles.

"That's me. Louis Tomlinson at his purest. I'm not embarrassed to share this with you. You're not just fans, you're like a big family to me," he says and has to stop because the fans are screaming so loudly, screaming their love at him.

"I am gay. And I love Harry Styles.”

This time a loud “Awwww” goes through the crowd or he hears many “so proud of you!” in between. And Harry also sends him a vibration through his bracelet.

“Unfortunately, my management didn’t think it was that great. I'm refraining from making any further comments and unfortunately I have to tell you that I don't know what happens next at this point. But I will come back. We will spend these beautiful hours together again at some point. We will sing my songs together in freedom, you will always have a safe space with me. I thank you for your loyalty and for your love. And I ask you for a little patience! Everyone get home safely!”

With a final nod and wave to the crowd, he finally leaves the stage with his band.

There he takes the men into a large group hug and here too he feels nothing but affection.

“Will you still be my band?” Louis asks without letting them go. 

Each of the boys agrees and promises to be there on Louis' next tour, whenever it is.

"Hey everyone... would it be okay if I could have my boyfriend now?"

Harry's voice suddenly comes to them. While Louis laughs quietly, the others roll their eyes in amusement and one of them whispers to him, “He's a needy one, right?”

Louis winks and nods and then storms towards Harry. Although Harry should know Louis' stormy nature by now, this time he has so much momentum that it tears both of them to the ground together.

And so they lie on top of each other and with aching bodies on the dirty floor behind the stage and laugh loudly even though it was one of the saddest evenings of his life.

And that's exactly what Harry is to him. 

A light in every darkness.

As it was from the beginning and as it always will be.

Chapter Text

Vanity and pride are different things, though the words are often used synonymously. A person may be proud without being vain. Pride relates more to our opinion of ourselves, vanity to what we would have others think of us

- Jane Austen

The first days after Louis' last concert are beyond chaotic and Harry just tries to navigate them both through every appointment and discussion, because Louis still isn't able to say or do much, the shock and fear sitting too deep and every negative comment just rips him open more. To be honest, Harry is beyond concerned about Louis and he tries to carry as much of it as possible for him to make it easier on Louis. 

By now, he's exhausted himself, the emotional strain pulling him down, and the only thing that keeps him going is the hope for a better future, a future together with Louis. And hopefully a future where Louis can laugh freely again. God, he misses his laugh. 

They still have a long way to go, an emergency plan made by Harry's management in agreement with Harry and Louis is already in implementation and will hopefully calm everyone down a bit. At least in the long run. 

The plan started with their friends and family supporting them publicly and with them posting some cute pictures of them as a couple from New Year's and Christmas. 

Of course, Harry's music must still be in focus despite everything, so Harry gave a surprise gig in the Theater Café in London where he not only sang Sweet Creature but also for the first time explained what inspired the song. Of course, videos of that moment can already be seen everywhere and Harry feels relieved every time this video comes up instead of the other one. 

It's good publicity and even though Harry lost some of his followers after their sex scandal, he already gained enough new followers to make up for it. 

And now they have to take the next step in their plan: An exclusive interview with Louis and Harry where they should talk about everything that happened and show everyone their love. 

The interview will be very intimate, just them, the camera man and the interviewer and they even got to choose between options who they want to talk to to be more comfortable in the situation. They chose Graham Norton. With him being openly gay, they hope he'll be more sensitive about their situation. 

Still, Harry is beyond nervous and Louis obviously feels worse.

In the dimly lit dressing room, the air crackles with nervous energy. Harry finds himself pacing in restless circles, his fingertips tapping an unsteady rhythm on the edge of the makeup table. The weight of anticipation hangs heavily, his nerves a tangled mess as they await the looming interview.

As Harry battles his own anxiety, he glances over at Louis, sensing an impending storm of panic. Louis, perched on a stool, grips the edges tightly, his knuckles turning white. The lines of worry etch deep on his face, mirroring the struggle within. Sensing his distress, Harry moves closer, a comforting hand finding its place on Louis' shoulder.

"Harry," Louis breathes, his voice edged with desperation, "I can't do this. I feel like I can't breathe."

In that moment, Harry once again shifts into a role of unwavering support. He lowers himself beside Louis, their shoulders touching, and speaks in soothing tones. His words, a mix of reassurance and encouragement, form a lifeline in the tempest of pre-interview jitters. With a gentle touch, Harry steadies Louis, offering a grounding presence amidst the tumult.

As the seconds tick down to the interview, Harry's nervous energy morphs into a determined resolve. He takes Louis' trembling hand in his, intertwining their fingers. In this delicate dance of shared anxiety, Harry silently pledges to be the anchor for Louis, a steadfast ally as they navigate the upcoming storm together.

As they're called to the interview, Harry senses Louis' heightened anxiety. Without hesitation, he steadies Louis with a reassuring touch, the warmth of his hand a silent promise of support. With a whispered encouragement and a shared glance that speaks volumes, Harry subtly communicates solidarity.

As they make their way to the interview room, Harry maintains a comforting proximity to Louis. His presence acts as a buffer against the outside world, a reminder that they're in this together. With a subtle squeeze of the hand or a brief, understanding smile, Harry provides a lifeline, acknowledging the shared vulnerability of the moment.

Upon reaching the interview space, Harry strategically positions himself in between Graham Norton and Louis, a subtle shield against the potential onslaught of questions and scrutiny. The unspoken communication between them becomes a source of strength, reinforcing their connection in the face of external pressures. 

In those silently connected moments, Harry's support becomes a quiet anchor, helping Louis navigate the challenges of the interview with a sense of unity and strength.

When the interview begins, they're both tense and Harry quietly thanks Sam for not making this a live interview or one with an audience.

Reassuringly, Graham smiles at them both, a warmth radiating off of him. 

“Harry, Louis, thank you for coming today. I know it's been a busy week for you and I feel honoured that you make time for me,” he starts the interview. 

Louis comes even closer, now pressed into Harry's side, when he just nods as a response, clearly not comfortable. 

Harry on the other side puts his arm around Louis and answers with his best media smile plastered on his face, “Thanks for having us, Graham.” 

“Okay, let's start. If you feel uncomfortable in any way during this interview, please tell me, same if you need a break and of course you don't have to answer anything you're not ready to. You should feel safe here.” 

Again, Louis just nods, still extremely tense next to Harry, while Harry thanks him for it. He only had a couple of interviews so far but he knows that it's not given that they want you to feel comfortable. Of course, with the topic they have to address he can't make them feel relaxed even if Graham gives his best. 

“We're here to talk about the leaked video I'm sure everyone has seen by now, but also about your surprising relationship. How has the public reaction been since the video surfaced, revealing your relationship?” Graham asks and Harry looks at Louis, unsure if he would answer the question. 

To his surprise, Louis doesn't even hesitate but answers, “Mixed. Disappointing when you consider how many homophonic comments we have to listen to in this modern age. Harry better take the floor, I think I'd better keep the rest of my thoughts to myself.”

“Well, yes there were some… disappointing encounters, but we also got a lot of support, especially from some fans,” he just adds, trying to end on a positive note. 

“I’ve seen some pretty nasty stuff online,” Graham nods, “And I'm sorry you have to go through this. Harry, you mentioned support from fans, but have you also received support from colleagues and friends within the industry since the video became public?”

“I still can't believe the love Louis' fans showed us at the concert after the video came out. It was a very special moment I'll never forget,” Harry says, seeing Louis nodding next to him in agreement. “We also got lots of support publicly and privately from other artists.”

Once again, Louis surprises him with adding something to his reply. 

“My family were great, as always they picked me up and supported me. Just like Harry's family. Friends too, of course. A special thanks goes out to our mutual friend Florence. I want to make it clear once again that we were friends from the start and I really appreciate her.”

Harry fights hard to keep his smile on his face at the mention of Flo's name. He's not even close to forgiving her even if he wants to try for Louis' sake. He can't handle more problems right now and even if Flo fucked up badly, she meant no harm. 

Also, he definitely wasn't friends with her from the start, Harry thinks, but he won't say anything about that. He doesn't want to talk about the gala-incident again and just hopes it never comes up again.

“That's great. I'm glad you have people in your life you can lean on after everything. This whole situation must have been hard and shocking for you. Can you share your initial thoughts and emotions when you learned about the leaked video?”

Louis leans forward a bit, biting his bottom lip and places his hand on Harry's inner thigh, before answering. 

“I was shocked. Scared. It was very difficult to deal with at first. Anyone who wanted to see could watch us having sex. Still can. The internet doesn't forget. I would therefore ask everyone not to share it for the sake of our already destroyed privacy, but instead to report it and not watch it.”

This time, Harry just nods along and then thinks for a while, before slowly forming words to describe his feelings. “I felt mixed emotions. Panic of losing Louis and what would happen to him because of it mostly and anger at the person who not only recorded us in a very intimate situation, but also posted the video for everyone to see. On the other end there was also a small flame of hope inside of me, because all I wanted was to be free in our relationship and no matter how horrible it came out, I knew there was no way to deny the love we feel for each other any further.”

Harry sighs and subtly looks at the clock, willing this interview to be over. He then leans in and kisses Louis on his temple which makes him smile up at Harry. 

Graham, who also smiles, looks down at his cards and asks with a frown, “Can you elaborate on the emotional toll the public scrutiny has taken on your mental well-being?”

“I don't want to say anything about it. You, darling?” Louis says hesitantly. 

"Well, while we're on the topic of emotions, did you know that penguins mate for life? It's fascinating how they navigate their relationships in the icy wilderness. Quite endearing I think,” is all Harry has to say to that and both, Louis and Graham, look at him with a smile on their faces, shaking their heads. 

“I actually knew that, yes. Very interesting. Let's move on to the next question. Have there been moments where you questioned the strength of your relationship in the face of public scrutiny?” Graham asks and Harry feels Louis tense up again next to him. Harry also feels the questions becoming harder, but they have to go through with this. 

“You know, I think,” Harry starts, realising he speaks way too slowly again, “I think with relationships it's always ups and downs, you know? And I think it's natural that you're not always sure about everything, especially in hard times, and just like everybody else we feel that too. But from the beginning we were very sure that we love and hold on to each other.” 

“That's good to hear. Let's move on to some different questions. In light of recent events, how do you plan to navigate your personal and professional lives moving forward?”

Harry, who feels exhausted by now and only wants to hide in their bed, looks at Louis, hoping that he will just answer for them.

“That remains to be seen. We have plans. If Harry wants to, he can tell you more,” Louis says and looks at Harry when he finishes. 

“You know, there are countless possibilities. I guess you just have to let yourself be surprised by it.”

“I think some people would disagree about the countless possibilities after everything that happened. Louis, you don't have a contract anymore. How do you plan to save your career?” Graham asks, now looking at the time himself. 

It's a very sensible topic for Louis, who still is afraid of the possibility of never making music again, but they talked about it for hours over the last days and Harry just hopes it gave him enough hope to move on after the trial with his management. 

Louis hesitates and thinks about his reply for a while, before explaining, “I already have ideas, including possibly setting up my own management, but definitely a label. I want to be my own boss and I've been under someone else's control for long enough.”

“Powerful words,” Graham says, smiling encouragingly at Louis. “I can't wait to see you rise above everything and come back stronger than ever.” 

Louis flashes him a warm smile and Harry could kiss Graham for making Louis feel better and give him hope. Choosing him was the right decision and Harry makes a mental note to thank Graham again later when the interview is over. 

“Last question guys, you're almost there,” Graham smiles before diving right into it. “What advice would you give to young LGBTQIA+ individuals who may be hesitant about embracing their identity in a public or professional setting?”

"Embracing your identity is a personal journey, and it's essential to honour your own timeline. My advice would be to surround yourself with a supportive community, both online and offline, and take small steps at your own pace. Your community can help you through hard times, because being queer is still something that isn't accepted by everyone and there will be rough times for sure,” Harry says, only looking at Louis, “Remember, authenticity is a strength, and there's a beautiful diversity within the LGBTQIA+ community. You're not alone, and your unique journey is worth celebrating.”

Louis smiles back at him and adds, “Also, love is love and hiding and lying will only make you miserable in the long run and might destroy your relationship. So, even if it's hard, be yourself and be proud about it. And just embrace your love because finding someone special is the best feeling you'll ever have.” 

They continue to stare into each other's eyes and that will be the last frame the viewers will see of this interview: Harry and Louis looking each other in the eyes, confessing their love without words. 

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

“I have a surprise for you, love,” Harry says when they're back at Louis' house again. 

“And what might that be?” Louis asks, looking him up and down with a mischievous smile on his lips. 

“It's not like that, my little idiot,” Harry smiles but still grabs Louis' hip and steals a kiss from him. “We'll go out on a date tonight. I planned it, you don't have to worry about anything.” 

Louis' smile vanishes, making Harry think what a stupid, bad boyfriend he is. 

“I'm sorry. Don't you want to go out with me? I wanted to make you happy,” Harry pouts, asking himself what he did wrong. 

“No, dimple heart, of course it's not like that,” Louis hurries to say, placing his hands on Harry's chest. “I would love to go out with you. It's just, what if they insult us or if something like on the airplane happens again?” 

Of course Louis would worry about that, how could he not? He's never been out with a man in public and the last few days haven't been helpful. 

“You really don't have to worry, baby, I promise,” Harry answers, sighing. “I reserved a table in a gay friendly restaurant and bar and outside we have a security guard with us. And it's really only a walk and then the restaurant and afterwards we come back home.” 

⏤ᦠ•❤︎︎•ᦟ⏤

In the heart of Soho, Harry and Louis embark on their first official date, nerves interwoven with the thrill of newfound freedom. As they approach the gay-friendly restaurant, the ambiance is a lively mix of laughter and clinking glasses. The neon lights cast a warm glow, accentuating the vibrant atmosphere that sets the stage for their evening.

Entering the restaurant, Harry can't help but notice the reassuring nods of acceptance from the diverse clientele. The scent of delicious cuisines wafts through the air, a tantalising promise of the culinary journey ahead. The hostess leads them to a cosy corner booth, the dim lighting adding an intimate touch.

Louis, initially uncertain, finds himself enveloped in the welcoming ambiance. The menu, an eclectic array of flavours, becomes a conversation starter as they explore the offerings. Harry's eyes light up with excitement, eager to share this experience with Louis.

They order a mix of dishes – a fusion of flavours that mirrors the variety of their newfound freedom. As the first bites are exchanged, laughter flows freely, punctuated by glances that speak volumes. The restaurant becomes a haven where their identities are celebrated, and the simple act of sharing a meal becomes a milestone in their journey.

Although it's clear that many people inside know who they are, no one interrupts them and they can enjoy their time together. 

Post-dinner, they decide to take a leisurely walk through the illuminated streets of Soho. A security guard accompanies them, an unobtrusive presence ensuring their evening remains undisturbed. The city buzzes around them, yet within their bubble, Harry and Louis revel in the liberty of being themselves, unburdened by external judgments.

Under the city lights, their laughter echoes, they walk a gentle segue into the comfort of shared vulnerability. Harry is sure that this is already the best evening of his life. Just being with Louis and holding his hand for everyone to see makes him proud and full of love. 

Arriving home, Harry hopes that Luke went there early to prepare everything Harry asked him to. 

And indeed, Louis' house welcomes them with an atmosphere drenched in romance, a deliberate and thoughtful extension of their shared feelings. 

Soft, ambient lighting casts a warm glow across the living room, creating an intimate ambiance. The air is scented with subtle hints of lavender and vanilla, invoking a sense of tranquillity.

Candles flicker in strategic corners, their gentle flames dancing to an unseen rhythm. A cosy blanket is draped over the sofa, inviting them to unwind in its soft embrace. The room is adorned with strategically placed flower arrangements, their delicate fragrance mingling with the warmth of the space.

As they step further into the house, Harry notices his carefully curated playlist already softly playing in the background, a selection of songs that hold significance in their journey together. 

Lukes' attention to detail is evident in every corner, with plush cushions and throw pillows adding an extra layer of comfort to the surroundings. A bottle of wine stands ready, accompanied by two glasses, awaiting their celebration of the night.

Harry really has to thank him again for that. It's perfect and when he sees tears in Louis' eyes, he even feels more thankful for his help. 

“Dimple heart,” Louis says, touched and with a shaking voice, “It's perfect. Thank you.” 

He leans in and pulls Harry into a tender kiss that transports their love for each other. 

Sitting down on the couch they first drink a glass of wine and try to keep a conversation going, but they both are distracted and soon they only look into each other's eyes, unable to say something but trying to enjoy every second of their date. 

After only a minute, Harry's willpower crumbles and instead of holding back like planned, he throws himself into Louis' arms, almost knocking over his wine glass, and kisses him passionately. Louis' lips part on instinct and Harry slips his tongue in between, tasting his boyfriend’s delicious taste. 

They're all over each other within seconds and when Harry breaks the kiss to breathe, Louis groans and pulls him back in. 

“I have one last surprise for you, baby,” Harry says against his lips, “Let's get you to the bedroom and I'll show it to you.”

In the bedroom, the bed is adorned with soft, luxurious linens, creating a sanctuary of comfort. Delicate fairy lights twinkle above, casting a gentle, star-like glow. The room exudes an air of serenity, inviting Harry and Louis to unwind in the embrace of their shared haven. It's beautiful and Harry can't wait to be completely undone with Louis here but first he makes him wait while Harry disappears into the bathroom.

Quickly, because Harry can't wait a second longer anymore, he puts on the same outfit he wore on Louis' birthday: The red thong with the bow, the ribbon in his hair and the red silk stockings. 

Exiting the bathroom, Harry feels a subtle flutter of nerves as Louis' eyes meet his. Louis, seated on the bed, gazes up with an appreciative smile, taking in the sight of Harry's chosen outfit. When he recognises it, the atmosphere changes quickly and Harry sees Louis gulping visibly. 

The warmth in Louis' eyes and the gentle curve of his lips ease any lingering uncertainty Harry still had.

Joining Louis on the bed, Harry senses an unspoken connection, a silent dialogue that transcends words. Louis reaches out, his fingers tracing the fabric of Harry's ribbon, a tender gesture that speaks volumes. A soft compliment escapes Louis's lips, the sincerity in his voice echoing the depth of his admiration.

Louis, with a loving touch, tucks a loose strand of Harry's hair behind his ear, his fingertips grazing the contours of his face. The affectionate glint in Louis' eyes mirrors the silent proclamation of adoration. In these moments, Harry feels the weight of Louis' love, an unfiltered and genuine expression that transcends the physical.

As Louis continues to express his affection, Harry is enveloped in a sea of emotions. Louis' hands navigate with a gentle familiarity, emphasising the beauty he sees in Harry. The room becomes a haven, a sacred space where love is not only spoken but felt in every touch and whispered sentiment.

Soon, Louis lies on top of Harry, both only in their underwear, their groin moving against each other. 

“Thank you, dimple heart,” Louis pants in his mouth, “I love our date.” 

Harry just smiles and as a response scratches Louis' back lightly, deepening their kiss. After days of sorrow he just wants to enjoy Louis' body heat and the closeness they have now. 

Throwing his head back, his eyes closed, Harry enjoys the feeling of their dicks rubbing against each other with only their underwear between them and Louis' lips on his body. 

Louis kisses his way down, finding Harry's weak spot on his neck easily and stays there for a while, kissing and biting until Harry is a moaning mess and grabs his ass to press them closer together. 

“More,” Harry begs and moans again when Louis' hands find his nipples and he starts playing with them while still kissing Harry's neck. 

Harry thinks he might come just from that when Louis licks down and covers his nipple with his mouth, caressing it with his tongue. 

Louis' hand now finds Harry's painfully hard cock and when he moves along his shaft over the thin fabric Harry cries out and begs Louis once again for more. 

“Baby, I want you. Come one… Please,” Harry moans out, not caring that he sounds needy.

Louis must be just as horny as Harry because he doesn't hesitate to take off his thong and his own underwear. 

Now fully naked Louis sits in between Harry's legs, takes his cock into his hand and slowly jerks him off.

Harry stretches his arm to grab the lube from the bedside table and when he hands it to Louis he says, “I want you to fuck me, baby.” 

Louis takes the bottle from him and covers his fingers in lube while Harry opens his legs wider to give Louis better access. 

Leaning forward to kiss him gently, Louis finds his hole and uses his index finger to press against it until he breaks through the ring of muscle and pushes in. 

When Harry grabs Louis' cock and moves his fist up and down, Louis moans and mirrors the rhythm with his finger. 

He soon adds a second and third one and when Louis fucks him with three fingers and again and again penetrates his sweet spot Harry cries out and already feels his orgasm build inside of him. 

At the last moment Louis removes his fingers and kisses Harry hungrily while putting some more lube on his own cock. 

He positions himself in between Harry's legs again and they look each other in the eyes when Louis presses his cock into Harry and slowly pushes in until he's fully inside of Harry. 

Louis stills and gives Harry's body time to adjust to him while he leans down and kisses him passionately. 

“I love you,” Louis says, when he breaks their kiss again and Harry's response turns into a loud moan when Louis begins to move and fuck into him with fast, rough movements.

They stay close to each other and despite the hard slams into him Harry feels how much Louis loves him with every thrust. 

It doesn't take them long to become a moaning mess, both lost in pleasure and with a desperate need to feel the other. 

Harry scratches Louis' butt and then grabs it to pull him closer, encouraging Louis to fuck him harder and deeper. 

When Louis changes his ankle a bit he finds his prostate again and presses down on it with each movement. 

“Fuck, baby,” Harry cries out, “I'm gonna come in no time if you keep this up.” 

His warning only encourages Louis to continue his movements, a proud smile on his face. 

“I'm close too,” he warns and Harry can feel it. He feels Louis' dick becoming even harder inside of him and he feels it pulsating just before Louis stiffles his loud moan with a kiss and pumps his cum into Harry. He keeps on moving and after only a couple more thrusts Harry cries out and comes untouched, white streaks of cum on his stomach. 

“God, I love you,” Harry mumbles when he can breathe normally again. 

“I love you too, dimple heart. So much,” Louis answers, smiling and kissing him again. 

After sharing the intimate moment, Harry and Louis find solace in each other's arms. They settle into a comfortable embrace on the bed, with Harry nestled against Louis, who becomes the big spoon. Louis' arms wrap protectively around Harry, creating a cocoon of warmth and intimacy.

The soft glow of ambient lighting casts a gentle ambiance in the room, highlighting the vulnerability and tenderness of the shared connection. Harry's head rests against Louis's chest, feeling the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. Louis plants gentle kisses on the top of Harry's head, a silent affirmation of love and reassurance.

As they cuddle, the weight of the world seems to fade away, leaving only the serenity of the present moment. Harry's fingers trace absentminded patterns on Louis's forearm, and the soothing sound of their shared breaths creates a comforting lullaby.

Louis whispers sweet nothings, his words a gentle caress against Harry's ear, creating a symphony of intimacy. In this quiet space, they find solace in the simplicity of being together, each touch and shared breath deepening the bond between them.