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Things got awkward after Shuri rejected you.
Maybe ‘rejected’ is too harsh of a word.
You misconstrued her intentions as romantic and she nicely told you she didn’t share your feelings.
Months ago, Shuri invited you alone to a beach only she knew about. The two of you sat around a bonfire after you swam a bit. It was Shuri’s spontaneous decision to jump in the ocean, so no extra clothes were brought.
After swimming, you and Shuri sat in your underwear and warmed your hands by the fire as you waited for your clothes to dry, your arms constantly touching because of how close you were.
You preferred the warmth of her body than the flames in front of you, and you couldn’t help but get lost gazing at her. You loved when she smiled, laughed, or simply breathed.
You were mesmerized.
How could anyone not instantly fall in love with her charm, her humor, or her brilliance?
Clearly too lost in her presence, you blurted out how you felt. When it was too late to take it back, you pressed on with your confession.
However, the look on Shuri’s face made you wish you didn’t.
“I’m sorry,” Shuri gently shook her head. “I’m sorry if you thought…I’m sorry if you mistook my intentions for something else.”
It was apparent she was trying her best not to hurt you, but the damage was already done merely by the look of disappointment in her brown eyes. Was she disappointed in you for falling in love with her, or was she disappointed in herself for not feeling the same as you?
Truthfully, the answer didn't matter.
In the end, you wanted to disappear. You sought to run away—hide your face from the queen—yank your hands out of hers. You wanted to run back to the water and drown yourself right there and then while simultaneously chastising yourself for your impulsive behavior.
Why would you do that?
You forced a smile on your face as you nodded, hoping to hide your embarrassment. You squeezed her hands to assure her it was okay; that you weren’t mad.
And it was okay, and you weren’t mad.
She didn’t laugh in your face or cringe at the thought of a romantic relationship between you two. This was the best case scenario in regards to letting you down.
After that the beach, you spent some time away from her to spare yourself from post-rejection awkwardness.
As Shuri’s sidekick, you were in her lab monitoring her missions through a screen while she was out doing the fighting. Out of embarrassment, you asked to skip out on a few missions where your help wasn’t necessary. You even avoided her lab whenever you could. Shuri understood, but made sure you couldn’t avoid her for too long. Seeing her again was inevitable considering you resided in the citadel while you stayed in Wakanda.
Two weeks in of your absence, Shuri called you before the sun rose. You moaned when you heard your Kimoyo bead bracelet ringing on the nightstand right next to your bed. Your hand clumsily found its way to the device and you answered, knowing who was on the other side of the line.
“Shuri,” you yawned at the projection of her. “What do you want? It’s early.” You couldn’t recall a mission taking place today.
She chuckled at the sight of you in bed. “Oh, so you know it’s me?”
You rubbed your bleary eyes as you sat up. “You’re the only one in Wakanda who talks to me here.”
Shuri looked away for a second, licking her lips. “Then you must have been really lonely ignoring me.”
Despite her words, one corner of her lips poked up and her tone lacked venom, but you still tried to muster up an excuse.
“I was—”
“Get ready and come to the top floor,” she told you before hanging up.
You wondered what she could have possibly wanted. It certainly wasn’t help on a mission. When you made it to the top of the citadel, she had a traditional Wakandan breakfast set up.
“Come,” she waved you over, inviting you to sit next to her. “The sun will be rising soon.”
You sighed. Butterflies were practically bouncing against the insides of your stomach. You wanted to pinch your nose in annoyance, yet you were flattered. And flustered. And just straight up confused.
How the hell were you supposed to move on when Shuri pulled shit like this?
Five months pass and you decide you need to go back home. You hit a point where you couldn’t see yourself falling out of love if you were constantly around Shuri. The little trips she would take you on only pushed your feelings further; the meals she would surprise you with; the seemingly flirtatious comments she sometimes made. Enough is enough.
In the middle of packing, Shuri unexpectedly shows up at your room.
“Where are you going?” She plops on your bed.
You drop your open suitcase on the bed beside her.
“Home,” you answer as you fold your pants. She tilts her head. “Not now, obviously. Just doin’ some light packing before I leave.”
She nods slowly. “And when is that?”
“Next week,” you shrug. “If the queen allows it.” You joke, putting your pants inside the case.
She doesn’t really react to your attempt at joking. In fact, it’s hard to decipher the look on her face when she watches you grab your clothes from the closet.
She sucks her teeth and looks down at her hand as she picks at your messy bed sheets. “You didn’t tell me you were leaving so soon.”
You find that it's hard to ignore the despondency in her voice. There's another tone in there that you can't make out. Is it frustration?
"Yeah, it was kind of a last minute decision," you scratch the back of your head.
It takes her a few seconds to speak, and yeah, you feel a little worse now. You wish she hadn't walked in when she did.
“Can I ask why?” She continues to look down.
You fold the rest of your clothes when you lie to her. “I’ve been feeling homesick—miss my family.”
Technically it isn’t a lie, but you refuse to tell her the whole reason because you know it’s unfair to her. You know she’ll miss you. You're aware she loves you—just not in the way you desire. You want more. So badly, you want more. But you have spent the last five months failing terribly to get over her, and now you feel it’s best to act in your own interest; spare your own heart for a change, even if it means crushing it for a brief moment–even if it means crushing hers for a brief moment. You hate this.
Before any of you can say more, Shuri’s bracelet alerts her. She immediately stands up and answers the call. It’s Okoye informing Shuri about a suspect they’re after.
Shuri ends up leaving, but not before asking something of you.
“Can I come back later?”
Despite wishing she wouldn't, you nod.
When Shuri comes back, she’s hurt badly. She took into account that the men she was after acquired vibranium—stole vibranium to be exact. They took advantage of the Wakandan metal and used it against her.
The Black Panther felt she was more than capable of taking care of these guys. And she was, although they put up a good fight.
Luckily, most of the opposing team were captured. Their leader ran free, but not without Ayo attaching a tracking device on him before his escape. The Dora Milaje was on his ass now while Shuri was stuck in sickbay.
Worried, you run to see Shuri. Her suit remains on the rest of her body apart from her head. She lays on a gurney set in a 45 degree angle as Griot runs scans on her body.
You feel your heart break as you look at the slight bruising around her left eye. She usually left missions without a scratch. Today she overestimated herself.
A lazy smile appears on Shuri’s face when you enter the room. She says your name, glad to see you.
You quickly make your way to her side. “Will she be okay?” You ask Griot.
“Queen Shuri has a 99.6% chance of recovery,” Griot answers.
“And what about the 0.4% that’s left?” You counter in a frantic manner.
“I’m fine,” Shuri softly laughs, grabbing your wrist to pull you closer to her. “The Americans on the other hand…” She trails off, tilting her head.
You pressed on her necklace to remove her suit. When the nanobots disappear, you see a tear on her spandex clothing and a wound on the side of her stomach. Your finger hovers over it. “Are you taking anything for the pain?”
She waves her hand dismissively. “That’s what the heart-shaped herb is for.”
You sigh. “Shuri, what if your wounds heal incorrectly? Griot! I need an anti-bacterial spray—”
“I’m okay!” She chuckles at your concern, sliding her hand up to your forearm. “Seriously. I installed a bacterial disinfectant in all of my suits a long time ago.”
Shuri looks away for a moment in thought and her smile fades away. You notice the dark circles around her eyes and you can’t help but feel bad for not monitoring this mission. You feel even worse for not wanting to see her a few hours ago.
“You know what,” She looks back at you, rubbing her thumb on your forearm, “I think there is one thing that’ll make me feel better.”
You notice the specific glint in her eyes and the grin on her lips.
You narrow your eyes. “What?”
“How about,” she shifts her eyes toward the soft grip she has on you, “you stay just a little longer in Wakanda, hm?”
Good god. What is this girl doing to you?
You stare at her, unsure what to say for a moment. Not only has she asked you to stay, but she looks good while doing it. That mischievous look on her face and the very way she touches you clouds your brain. There’s no way she doesn’t know what she’s doing.
You look down, shaking your head as a way to deny her and clear the effect she has on you. “Shuri, I have to go home.”
Shuri stops rubbing your forearm. As expected, the grin on her face loses its prominence, and you don't enjoy that you're the reason why.
“I thought this was your home.”
Fuck.
In a way, Shuri was right. You found yourself to be quite comfortable in the citadel and the lab, despite the slight complications that occurred after you confessed your feelings. She did everything she could to make you feel welcome. Nevertheless, she's the reason you wanted to leave. She's starting to see that. Or did she see it already?
You take her hand off your arm and hold it.
“It’s not like I won’t come back. I like it here.” You say. She takes her hand out of yours. “I do. But it’s been over a year. I can’t stay here forever, you know.”
Shuri mutters, “I know.”
Reluctantly, you sit on the bed. The two of you haven’t looked at each other yet and the silence is almost unbearable until Shuri opens her mouth again, fidgeting with her hands on her lap.
“Is it because of me?” She asks quietly.
You can’t bring yourself to answer, even with a lie. Regardless of what you say, you know she knows. And you hate that she continues.
“Because you think I don’t love you?”
You breathe deeply. All you can say is, “That’s not something you need to worry about.”
Shuri starts to sit up properly, but you turn to her to stop her, afraid she’ll hurt herself. She pushes against your attempts to keep her still then removes your hands from her arms. Instead of pushing your hands back to you, she holds them down by her sides, forcing your body to lean toward her.
“If you’re choosing to leave Wakanda because of me, then yes, that is something I should worry about.” She tells you sternly. “And if loving you is what I need to do–”
“Oh, my god, please stop talking.” You close your eyes. But of course part of you wants her to continue, in need of her reciprocation.
She does try to continue. “If loving you is what I need to do to make you stay, then–”
Yet you still can’t believe what you’re hearing right now. “Shuri, stop.” You raise your voice.
Shuri stops.
Her adamance confuses you. You wonder why she wants you to stay. The obvious answer was how much she valued your friendship. The tone in her voice makes you hope it’s something different, but you remind yourself not to be stupid. You mixed up her signals all those months ago. You’re not about to humiliate yourself again.
“Don’t do that,” you yank your hands away from hers. “Don’t force yourself to do that.”
Shuri doesn’t let you distance yourself. She pulls you even closer to her body with the hands you tried to take back. With her face directly in front of yours, she cups your jaw.
Now there’s that smile on her face again; that beautiful smile. “I was going to say that if loving you is what I need to do to make you stay, then consider it done.”
Your brow twitches. In denial, you stupidly think this is just another platonic gesture, so you slowly take hold of her wrist, ready to remove her hand from your face, even when you want it to remain. “Shuri...”
Your heart is beating so hard you can almost hear it.
Shuri murmurs something in Xhosa before pressing her lips against yours, deeply inhaling as if she were trying to breathe you in. Her other hand holds your face as she kisses you, tilting her head. Your hands grab both of her wrists with no intention to remove them this time. Her lips drive you to a dream-like state. Oddly enough, it also awakens something in you.
You let out a guttural noise as you hungrily push back against her lips, desperate for more. You're starving; you don't think you'll ever get full. You waited for this for so long you end up thanking Bast and every other deity for such a miracle. Shuri softly laughs into the kiss, processing your craving in a more palpable sense. She must know of the hold she has on you now, she would be ridiculous not to.
She moves one hand to the back of your neck before pulling away, but your lips chase after hers as if they won't ever collide again. This makes Shuri chuckle before leaning her forehead on yours. “I’m sorry for making you wait so long.” She apologizes, caressing her finger against the back of your neck. “I didn’t think you felt that way anymore.”
You lean away from her to get a better look of her face. “Well, you were right about one thing: I don’t feel the same. I feel more.” You peck her lips. “Worse, even.”
“Yeah?” Shuri laughs. She eyes your lips again, ready to sink back in. “Good.”