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Wilhelm would return to Hillerska on Thursday.

After what his doctor declared a pretty successful almost two months of treatment, Wilhelm was ready to be discharged from the clinic on Monday morning and continue his treatment as an outpatient. He’d return to Stockholm to spend a few days with his parents, and then it was up to him when he was ready to go back to school. Almost immediately he decided that he didn’t want to wait an entire week to return to class, otherwise he would fall behind. He wanted to adjust to being back at Hillerska before the end of term.  

As Wilhelm told all of this to Simon during their nightly video call, he explained that he chose Thursday to give himself a chance to adapt. There was a big chance that he would feel overwhelmed, so if things became too much for him, he would only have to spend one night in the Forest Ridge house dorm, then leave the next day. If he wasn’t doing too bad, he could stay in his dorm but skip class on Friday if he felt like it and only miss one day. If he felt okay, he could stay the weekend. Whatever happened, he had a way out.

“But if you didn’t stay, would you… go back home?” Simon asked tentatively. 

“Home? Oh, you mean… Stockholm.” Wilhelm sighed and shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess.”

Simon bit his lip. It occurred to him that Wilhelm did not think of the palace in Stockholm as home. He had once made it quite apparent that Drottningholm Palace had never quite felt like home, but especially not since Erik was gone. Hillerska was not exactly home either. 

Basically, Simon realized with a pang, Wilhelm had no home. 

Simon knew what it was like to live in a house that didn’t feel like a home; that was what growing up with Micke had been like. The house where they lived now, the one that Linda had worked so hard for by herself, that was home; it was small and worn down and it got cold in the winter, but it was theirs. He dreaded to imagine not feeling at home in his tiny room, in his tiny house. 

“Where else would you go?”

There was a beat. Wilhelm shook his head slowly. “I don’t know.” 

Simon sighed. If it were up to him, if he had the means, he would whisk Wilhelm far away from everything and everyone. “Maybe we can steal a car and drive off into the woods. Become one with nature.” Wilhelm chuckled. 

“That sounds great and totally realistic. Who’s driving?”

“We can ask Malin to drive us.”

“Yes, I’ll ask my bodyguard to drive us to the middle of the wilderness and leave us there, she’ll be thrilled.”

“Hmm, maybe we should ask her to come with us. She has survival skills. We’d be dead within minutes without her.”

Wilhelm laughed but his face was suddenly sad. “I guess I can’t go back to Stockholm. I have therapy twice a week, on Wednesdays and Saturdays, so the best thing for me is to stay at Hillerska. I’ll just have to get used to it.”

“It’ll be okay. You just need to take it easy, remember that you’re probably not going to get used to it right away, and that’s okay,” Simon said. “It’ll take some time, but I’ll be there too.”

“That would be even more comforting if you were also a boarder,” Wilhelm replied. “What if you applied to a grant, like Sara did?”

Simon rolled his eyes. There were many reasons why he wouldn’t do what Sara did; boarding with elite boys (with the exception of Wilhelm) wasn’t exactly something he wanted; leaving his mum alone was another. The reason Sara fit in so well, besides wanting to be with the elite, was because her friends were there, and she got to ride horses, and her whole life was becoming Hillerska. But Simon had Rosh and Ayub, he had a life outside of Hillerska. He wasn’t sure if he would ever give that up. 

Maybe for Wilhelm. 

The thought scared him, though.

“I’ll think about it, maybe for next term,” Simon said. He didn’t want to list all the reasons right then, but he would eventually. 

Wilhelm made a face. “But next term is so far away… They already assigned me a double dorm again, and again no one is rooming with me. Wouldn’t you want to be my roommate?”

“Hah! Yeah, sure, the school will totally allow it, whatever could go wrong with that?” Simon said sarcastically. 

On the screen of his phone, Wilhelm was pouting. “Fine, I guess I’ll just have to be there all by myself.”

“You’ll be fine, I know you will,” Simon smiled. “And you’ll have Kurt and Malin with you, so you won’t be all by yourself.”

“I’ll have Malin teach me survival skills in the meantime, for when we decide to escape into the wilderness,” Wilhelm joked. 

—

The next time they spoke, Wilhelm was in his room in Drottningholm. He flew from Norrköping to Stockholm, and he had been so excited about being discharged that he hadn’t slept at all the previous night, so as soon as he got to his room he flopped into bed and slept for hours. He video called Simon as soon as he woke up, hair still messy and a steaming cup of coffee in his hand; his parents were arriving that night from an official trip, so he called Simon right after classes ended.  

Simon had never seen the inside of a palace, so Wilhelm gave him a virtual tour of the most random things in his room.

“And this is the shelf in the wardrobe where I would hide from the nanny,” he said, pointing to a shelf that was so high that he couldn’t even reach it. “I used to climb up there a lot to get away from her, because she was conveniently very short.”

Chuckling, Simon nodded and hummed with feigned intense interest. Wilhelm had called him just as he was getting off the bus from school; he plugged his earphones into his phone and made his way home as fast as he could to catch the rest of the call in his room.

“And this is the corner of the dresser where I nearly cracked my head open when I was ten,” Wilhelm continued, showing him an ornate dresser. 

“How did you nearly crack your head?” Simon asked, walking into his house and kicking off his shoes. Linda wasn’t home yet, so he went straight into his room. 

“Please hold your questions for the end of the tour,” Wilhelm announced, walking around his room. He dropped to the floor and pointed the camera to the underside of his bed. “This was also an excellent hiding place, until I was seven, then I couldn’t fit. Still, it’s a classic, nothing beats hiding under the bed, especially since it’s wide enough that the nanny couldn’t reach me even if she found me. I would laugh and watch as she tried to claw at me with her tiny arms. Ah, those were the days.”

“And why were you hiding from the nanny so much?” Simon inquired with a curious smile, plopping down on his bed. 

“If you met nanny Kaja, you would hide from her all the time too. May I continue?”

“Do you have any pets you can introduce me to?”

“No, unfortunately our parents only let us have one dog, when I was eight,” Wilhelm explained with a pout. “His name was Loki because he was a bit insane, but he ate something that made him sick and he died, and I cried for so long that my parents decided no more dogs. Let me see if I find a picture.” And he started rummaging thought something offscreen. 

“My mum also didn’t want us to have a dog. We fostered one for a bit, Roxy, but Sara and I would not take her on walks regularly and Sara refused to pick up the poop, and my mum was too busy, so she decided we were not adopting her. I cried, but she was right. I was an irresponsible dog-dad.”

“Do you have a picture of Roxy? Here’s Loki,” Wilhelm said, successfully pulling out a picture from a drawer. It was Erik and Wilhelm from at least seven years ago, kneeling next to a adorably tiny Finnish Lapphund. “He truly was a nutcase. I miss you, Loki.” He kissed the picture and put it away again.

“I don’t have any pictures of Roxy. We didn’t have her for long enough,” Simon said, making a pout. 

“We can adopt a wolf when we live in the woods.” Wilhelm continued the tour, pointing the phone camera at Simon’s hoodie, hanging neatly over the back of a chair. “And over here is a purple hoodie that someone kindly left in my care and might never get back, because it looks better on me.” He smirked.

“Hey, I will want that back, eventually. Don’t think I have forgotten,” Simon replied.

“But I love it so much, and I have taken such good care of it. It is literally the only thing I have unpacked, look,” Wilhelm said, pointing the camera at a suitcase sitting on a bench the foot of the bed, still full of clothes and shoes. “I didn’t even pack it in the suitcase, because I didn’t want it to catch the smell of my clothes. It still smells like you.”

“Unlikely, it totally smells like you now. You really haven’t washed that at all, have you? Gross,” Simon shook his head, but he was thinking about his hoodie now smelling like Wilhelm, and he really wanted it back now. 

“Relax, I’ll wash it and give it back to you on Thursday,” Wilhelm said.

Simon glanced over at his bedside table. The frog prince snow globe sat next to his lava lamp since the day that Wilhelm left it in his care. His eyes lingered on it. 

 “Are you all set for Thursday?” He asked. Wilhelm shook his head.

“Not remotely. I mean packing is easy enough, but everything else…” he ran a hand through his hair. “At least I have my first appointment with my doctor as an outpatient on the day before, so I can talk to her about that. I’ll probably be really nervous.”

Simon had met Wilhelm’s doctor, Emma, during one of his visits to the clinic, and he could see why Wilhelm liked her, why he trusted her so much; she exuded such a calming energy, surely she would be able to put Wilhelm at ease.

“But I don’t know, I fear that the school’s preparing some elaborate thing to welcome me back, and I don’t look forward to that at all,” Wilhelm sighed. “I don’t want to be rude, but I also don’t want to be paraded around in front of everyone. It’s so awkward every time, and I really don’t think I can deal with that this time.”

Simon nodded in understanding. “Maybe I can talk to headmistress Lilja about that, to ask them not to.”

“Or at least to get a heads up. That would be great,” Wilhelm said. Simon watched him lay down on his bed, holding the phone overhead, one arm behind his head, and sigh lazily. “I just want to go back to normal… whatever that is.”

Simon curled up in his bed on his side, staring sideways at the screen. “Me too.”

—

The two days prior to Wilhelm’s return to Hillerska were a lot of anticipation from the school staff. As promised, Simon talked to headmistress Anette Lilja about tuning down the welcome back displays.

“It’s tradition, we can’t skip it. But I can promise it will be brief and understated. The choir won’t even perform, so you can be by the Crown Prince’s side,” she reassured him.

Simon was surprised at that remark. They expected him to be by Wilhelm’s side. That was… odd. Of course he would be there to support Wilhelm, but to walk with him as he was paraded down the hall in front of all the students? Wilhelm didn’t even want to do that, and Simon definitely didn’t either. He’d already had his share of being scrutinized to last him a lifetime. And Wilhelm… well, he deserved a break, at least this time… didn’t he?

“Perhaps we can have the Crown Prince come into the hall and the students will be sitting down, instead,” headmistress Lilja offered. “We just want to assemble everyone to welcome the Crown Prince back, after his extended and unfortunate absence, and so that he can offer a few words. He has been dearly missed.”

A few words… the thought alone made Simon nauseated, he couldn’t even imagine what the prospect of giving a speech would make Wilhelm feel. Simon almost remarked on Lilja’s use of the phrase ‘unfortunate absence’, but as negotiations were going well, he would let her off on that one, and merely focused on the fact that she expected Wilhelm to give a speech within minutes of returning. 

“Well, if he’s up for it. If not, I will do the talking and just welcome him back,” Lilja said, dialing back a bit more. 

Simon sighed. At least that was something. Still, he chose to not tell Wilhelm, that there would be a ‘brief and understated’ reception, at least until the last possible moment, so Wilhelm wouldn’t get worked up about it.

She just didn’t get it. None of them seemed to get it. They forced Wilhelm to give a speech for his brother’s memorial, and now they wanted him to give another as he returned to the place that had been the scene of so much of his trauma. Simon feared it could all be too triggering for Wilhelm. 

The only thing that comforted him was the fact that Wilhelm wouldn’t have to encounter August again. 

August was gone.

Simon hadn’t seen August since the Queen sent him home from the hospital, and then he had been on indefinite leave from school. But now Simon knew that he wouldn’t come back to Hillerska at all.

Simon had been waiting to tell Wilhelm about it, although he suspected that Wilhelm might already know, and they just hadn’t talked about it. But in the off chance that the Queen hadn’t in fact told him anything about it (or rather Wilhelm hadn’t managed to pry the information out of her), Simon would wait until Wilhelm asked him about it. 

Because it was Simon who was involved in August being expelled from Hillerska. Him and the Queen herself. 

She called him, the Queen called him personally, on his mobile phone, on the same week that Wilhelm had been interned in the clinic in Norrköping. It was the middle of the afternoon, after he was heading home after school; for a moment he had thought it was Wilhelm calling earlier, and he had momentarily panicked, thinking something bad had happened. Then he heard the Queen’s voice over the phone, and he panicked even more, because why would the Queen of Sweden herself call him? It could only mean something bad.

To his surprise, she talked to him about the possibility of him filing a report against August with the school. Whilst he was on the bus, on his way home. Rosh and Ayub sat next to him, puzzled at his tense face, as he listened to her.

“I will call you again with more details, we can have our legal advisor speak with you and your mother about the process. We can help you, to ensure that the report is filed properly, but also to ensure that the police doesn’t have to become involved, for both your sakes,” she explained. Simon rolled his eyes.

“For ours?” He asked, skeptical. He heard her exasperation through the line. 

“Simon, I want to do right by you and Wilhelm, I know this is important to you both, and I understand why. But I really don’t want it to become a bigger issue than necessary. Because if this gets out, and these things unfortunately do have a way of getting out, that video will start making the rounds on the news again, and I don’t want that for either of you.”

Simon bit his lip and nodded to himself. “Okay,” he responded. She paused for a moment. 

“I would advise you not to tell Wilhelm about this, at least until the process is finalized and a decision has been reached,” she said. “But I’m sure you’ll do whatever you think is best.”

He smirked. At least they were getting to know each other.

He still wanted to go to the police, he wanted to do things properly. But the Queen was unfortunately right, it would make the case more public, and bring too much unwanted attention. People would know that Wille lied, that he was forced to lie, that he was indeed the other boy in the video, and he would be outed again, they would both be in the public eye again, and then they would never hear the end of it. He talked to his mother about it, and cried a little about it, feeling helpless again, he screamed into a pillow, but in the end he decided that it would be enough, it had to be enough. If he never had to see August again in his life, if he could rid Wilhelm of seeing his cousin at school ever again, then it would be worth it. 

The next few days were all about talking to the Queen’s legal advisor and his team about how to file a harassment report with the school, and he was glad to have them, he would never have been able to do it without them. 

His only hesitation was providing evidence, something to prove that it had been August; the only evidence that they had (other than the library computer, which contained the IP address of the person who posted the video online, and which was currently in custody of the Royal Court, and would probably remain that way) was the video and photo evidence that Felice had gathered. Which meant naming Felice as a witness, and he didn’t like the idea of involving someone else in this. Also, the video evidence was the video itself; it meant having to encourage people to watch it. 

Felice, however, was more than willing to help; she had worked hard to find the culprit, and she would have done anything to help Wilhelm. So when Simon approached her about it, she said yes immediately. 

And it worked; only a week later, headmistress Lilja called him and Linda into her office, and they met with the Hillerska legal team to let him know about the decision to expel August from the school for sexual harassment and defamation. 

“We are very sorry that this happened, Simon, Mrs. Eriksson,” Lilja said. “We have a zero tolerance policy in this school, we are committed to a safe and welcoming environment for all the students and staff, and we will work hard to make sure this does not happen again.”

Simon wanted to cry. It still freaked him out that it had happened, that they had to go through all that, that a twenty second video had basically ruined their lives, and it wasn’t until months later that he was able to get some justice for it. For himself and for Wille. But he had done it. 

Unfortunately, it also freaked him out that August would know that Simon had filed a report against him, that he had gotten him expelled from the most prestigious boarding school in Sweden, and especially just before he was about to graduate. It freaked him out that August, with all of his influence, could retaliate in some way. 

But the Queen called him that night to ask him about the decision, and when Simon voiced his concerns, she stopped him.

“He will do nothing of the sort,” she said candidly. He believed her. 

As soon as August was gone, Nils was elected as the new Forest Ridge prefect and Vincent took over as the leader of the rowing team. No one at school spoke about it. At least nothing reached his ears. It was like August had never even been there.

Simon would never feel bad for August. 

—

When Thursday arrived, the students donned their uniforms and assembled in the hall instead of the entrance, as agreed. Lilja ushered Simon to the entrance to welcome Wilhelm. 

“I’m sure he’d like to see a friendly face when he arrives, to make everything less intimidating,” she said. 

Simon rolled his eyes when she wasn’t looking. Wouldn’t everything be even less intimidating if they simply carried on like normal instead of rolling out the red carpet for him?

Nils, as the new prefect, was there too, as well as some members of the school staff. Simon felt awfully awkward. 

His phone trilled in his pocket as soon as he stood outside. Wilhelm’s name and face flashed on his screen; it was a voice call.

“Wille?”

“Hi,” Wilhelm said. Simon immediately picked up on the tension in his voice.

“Hi. Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, um… we’re nearly there.” 

Simon nodded. “It’s okay, I’m here. I’m waiting for you outside.”

“You are?”

“Yeah,” he lowered his voice and turned away from the staff. “They’re doing the thing where they gather in the hall. I told them not to, but it’s okay, I’ll be with you. You don’t have to parade.”

“Okay,” Wilhelm sounded nervous. 

“You should wear a funny hat if you have one, or I can pretend to toss rose petals on the floor as you walk in.”

He heard Wilhelm laugh, a breathy, nervous laugh, but a laugh nonetheless, and he smiled at the sound. 

“It’ll be okay, I’ll be right there with you.”

Simon saw the cars appear in the distance, two of them. 

“I see the cars. I can’t wait to see you,” he said, his smile getting bigger. There was a pause on the line. 

“Thank you,” Wilhelm said. 

“Don’t worry about it.”

”I can’t wait to see you either,” Wilhelm said before hanging up. The cars rolled to a stop in front of the building. Malin and Kurt got out of the first car, and out of the other came four burly men, two of them whom Simon recognized from being posted at the hospital outside Wilhelm’s room. They dispersed around the building.

Minou came out of the passenger seat, and Kurt opened the back door. Wilhelm stepped out. He looked a little peaky and he stood up slowly in his Hillerska uniform. Simon nearly gasped; Wilhelm had cut his hair, his long blond bangs no longer falling into his eyes, but cropped shorter and parted to the side to sweep over his forehead. He looked taller, dashing. He looked like a freaking Disney prince. Simon was gawking.

Wilhelm’s face broke into a timid smile when he spotted Simon. 

“Welcome back, your Royal Highness,” Lilja said, extending a hand toward him. Wilhelm shook it, and then moved to shake Nils’, who gave him a reassuring squeeze with both hands. Wilhelm turned to Simon and went straight for a hug. Simon wrapped his arms around him comfortingly.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m so happy you’re here. But I think I’m gonna throw up,” Wilhelm said, his voice choked and his breath hitched. Simon quickly pulled out a small bag from his pocket.

“Here, have one. It’ll help if you have nausea and it’ll make you happy,” he said, showing him the bag of lollipops of assorted flavors. Wilhelm laughed nervously and took an orange one. 

“You’re a wizard,” he responded, popping the lollipop in his mouth. 

“You cut your hair,” Simon said, stating the obvious. Wilhelm rolled his eyes.

“It was the Queen’s suggestion, but I guess it’s fine. I did need a change,” Wilhelm responded flatly. Simon now knew that when Wilhelm called his mother ‘the Queen’, something had transpired.

”I think you look… it looks good,” he said, stammering a bit like an idiot. Wilhelm’s cheeks turned pink, and Simon was sure his were too. 

Lilja gestured for them to go inside. Simon stayed a step behind Wilhelm as they entered. He waved at Malin and Kurt over his shoulder, and they smiled at him, following behind Minou, headmistress Lilja and Nils. Wilhelm hid the lollipop behind his back as he walked.

Inside the hall, the students were whispering wildly, but as soon as the doors opened, the whispering stopped. Wilhelm visibly tensed. He stopped beside Felice, who stood up briefly, and they hugged. She whispered something in his ear and he hugged her tighter. 

Simon took his seat, between Sara and Madison, whilst headmistress Lilja led Wilhelm to the front and started talking about how happy they were to have the Crown Prince back in Hillerska, safe and sound, and how Hillerska was committed to building a safe environment for all students. Wilhelm’s expression reminded Simon of an adult trying very hard not to swear in front of a child. She then asked if he could make a brief speech. 

“Just a few words, Crown Prince,” she said. Simon rolled his eyes. Despite knowing what Wilhelm had gone through, they still wanted him to perform. 

Wilhelm bit his lip, visibly paler. From his seat, Simon popped a red lollipop into his mouth and made a funny face at Wilhelm, that hopefully no one else could see. Wilhelm tried to conceal his smile and cleared his throat.

“I just wanted to thank everyone for their support, and also for your letters, I read all of them and I really appreciate them. I’m glad to be back, and I’m thankful for your warm welcome.”

He stopped talking. Simon gave him a thumbs up. Nobody moved or said anything, so Wilhelm added “that is all,” and popped the lollipop back in his mouth. Felice began clapping and everyone else followed suit. 

Lilja extended a hesitant arm toward him. “Thank you, Crown Prince,” she said.

All the students were dismissed, and everyone headed to class, as normal. Housemaster Göran gestured for Wilhelm to follow him to Forest Ridge, so they could show him his new dorm room. Wilhelm asked Lilja if it was okay if Simon accompanied them. 

“I’ll let Miss Ramirez know that you’ll both be late for class,” she replied. 

“That was a nice speech,” Simon said, as they followed Göran, Lilja and Minou. Malin and Kurt followed behind.

“That was barely a speech, but thanks,” Wilhelm responded, talking through the lollipop in his mouth. “Despite not wanting the whole reception to happen in the first place, I’m a little sad that I didn’t at least get to hear you sing. It was all for nothing.”

Simon shrugged. “I can sing now, if you want.”

“Go ahead then.”

Simon pulled out his lollipop from his mouth and started on a whispered rendition of the Hillerska song, and Wilhelm shook his head vigorously. “No, anything but the Hillerska song…” He whispered, making a face. Simon kept singing, and Wilhelm laughed and tried to cover Simon’s mouth with his hand. Minou glanced sternly back at them as they went up the stairs, and they ignored her.

Wilhelm’s new dorm room was exactly the same as the old one, but located on the second floor. Wilhelm hesitated before walking in. His two suitcases had already been placed in the spare bed. Lilja and Göran said some words, about their doors always being open to talk, to voice any concerns, anything at all. Minou reminded Wilhelm that she would accompany him to his therapy appointment on Saturday. Then they all left. Malin and Kurt announced they would be outside, and closed the door. 

Simon was alone with Wilhelm, for the first time since the day they said goodbye at the hospital. He watched Wilhelm carefully, as the taller boy glanced around the room. It was the exact same room, only one story higher. It was the same room…

Wilhelm turned sharply toward the window and looked out the open curtains. A long deep shuddering exhale escaped him.

“He’s gone, isn’t he?” 

Simon knew exactly who he meant. “Yes.”

“And he’s not coming back?”

“Nope.”

“Did you…”

“I did,” Simon replied. “Would you like me to tell you all about it?”

There was a pause, then Wilhelm turned to him again and nodded. “Yes, please.”

They sat down on the bed side by side, and Simon told him the whole story. He hadn’t been able to tell the story to anyone, not even Sara, because he was forbidden from sharing details whilst the school’s investigation was ongoing. And even after it had finalized and they told him the decision, he still hadn’t told anyone; he couldn’t, not until he saw it with his own eyes, not until he was sure. But there was really nothing to see, August had already been gone; it wasn’t like he showed up to pack his bags and say goodbye, he had simply continued to be absent. Somebody else had vacated his room and his locker for him, and that was it. 

It wasn’t until now, until Wilhelm was back, that the other boy’s absence was even more noticeable, and that’s when it finally dawned on Simon that he was gone for good, that he wouldn’t be around to bully Simon anymore, that he wouldn’t interfere with Wilhelm again. 

He finished retelling the story. Wilhelm was quiet for a moment, like he was processing. 

“I can’t believe he’s really gone,” he breathed. “I can’t believe you managed that. I can’t believe my mother…”

Simon reached for Wilhelm’s hand and squeezed it.

“He hasn’t tried to contact you, has he?” He asked. Wilhelm shook his head. 

“No. And he better not even try.”

“Good. We can try to leave this behind us now.”

“Gladly.”

Simon stood up, offering a hand to Wilhelm. The other boy took it and stood up. They smiled at each other and Simon hugged him first this time. Wilhelm melted a little into his embrace, both feeling the tension leaving their bodies simultaneously. 

He pulled back and looked at Wilhelm’s face. “Come on. Grab your things, we have to go to class,” he said. Wilhelm groaned a little, but reached for his books and notebooks. They both popped their lollipops back into their mouths, smirking at each other as they did, and headed out.

—

“So you received my letter but you didn’t do the energy cleansing that I sent you?” 

“Um, no…”

“Why not?”

“I, uh, didn’t think I would be able to do it properly…”

Madison rolled her eyes at Wilhelm, sat up and started rummaging through her bag. Wilhelm shot a look of helplessness at Simon, who tried and failed to keep a straight face. 

They were having a sort of picnic outside for lunch; spring was beginning, and the day was nice and sunny. Wilhelm had already  established not wanting to go to the dining hall, too nervous about the prospect of making conversation with anyone, so he and Simon planned to take their food to the grassy hill in the back. Wilhelm invited Felice, and Sara and Madison naturally tagged along. Felice even went back to her dorm before lunch to grab a blanket they could use to sit on the grass. 

To Simon’s chagrin, they were promptly joined by Felice’s other friends, Stella and Fredrika, and a little bit later by Henry and Walter. 

Felice and Sara joining them was obviously not a problem; Madison didn’t give a shit about Wilhelm being a prince or about Simon being a non-boarder, and she was in general pretty uninterested in any gossip or drama, so she was also cool. But they hadn’t expected this many people to join them. 

At least they were outside, instead of an echoing dining hall full of people. And at least Fredrika and Stella kept mostly to themselves, picking wild flowers and making flower crowns whilst talking quietly with each other and feeding each other fruit. Walter and Henry were off to the side as well, conversing with each other and glancing often at Stella and Fredrika, whilst the girls pretended not to notice.

Simon kept a close eye on Wilhelm, though, in case his face betrayed discomfort or anxiety. 

“Well, lucky for you, I have everything we need, we can do it right now if you’d like,” Madison announced, producing a half-melted white candle, a lighter, a bag that contained a bundle of dried leaves that looked like sage, and a little bag full of shiny rocks. 

“Do you… always carry all that stuff around?” Simon asked curiously. 

“I’m always prepared for any occasion,” she replied matter-of-factly, lighting the candle and placing it in front of her. 

“Maddie, don’t you dare burn a hole in my blanket. Wille, you should have lied and said you did it already. Now she won’t leave you alone until you do the spell,” Felice warned, adjusting her sunglasses and laying her head down onto Sara’s lap. Sara started playing with her curls. 

“It’s not a spell,” Madison retorted, rolling her eyes.

“I don’t mind, I’ll do it. Maybe it will help me,” Wilhelm said, sitting up as well and watching Maddie lay out the rocks around the candle. 

“That’s the spirit. You’ve been through a lot, and you could use a little aural upkeep. Here, hold this,” she said, lighting the bundle of sage on the candle and handing it to Wilhelm. The look of panic on his face as he took the bunch of burning leaves made Simon have to turn away and pretend to cough to hide his sniggering. 

“Um, okay, but what- what to I do with this?” Wilhelm asked, staring at the flaming leaves. 

“You wave it around, to clear the air around you to make the optimal space for your energy,” Maddie explained. She grabbed his hand and blew out the flaming sage bundle, blowing a cloud of smoke into his face. Wilhelm shut his eyes and started coughing. Sara giggled. 

“Sorry about that, but it’s okay, you can breathe in a bit of it as well, it’s not harmful,” Madison said, doing a deep inhale herself. She pulled out another object from her bag, a metal plate, and took the sage from Wilhelm, waved it around a bit and placed it on the plate. Felice looked annoyed, fanning away the smoke and the smell with her hand. Simon watched on amused.

“Okay, now, give me your hands, we are going to form an energy circle,” Madison said, reaching out for Wilhelm’s hands.

“You’re not going to make me chant or sing or hum something, will you?” Wilhelm asked, already regretting everything, as he held hands with Maddie. She shook her head.

“No, this isn’t that kind of thing. But you do have to repeat a mantra, for focus.”

Simon’s cheeks hurt from smiling so much, and his stomach ached from trying to contain his laughter. Wilhelm shot him another look, which suddenly turned into a mischievous smile. “Can Simon join us?” He asked slyly. Simon’s face fell. 

“Yeah, sure,” Madison said. “That’s even better, to help balance the energy even more.”

“I’m fine, thanks, I’ll pass,” Simon said, glaring at Wilhelm. 

“Please, Simon,” Wilhelm said softly, pouting a little and batting his eyelashes like a cartoon character.

“You know, Simon, you could really benefit from this too, you’ve been through a lot as well,” Maddie pointed out, and reached out a hand toward him. “Come on, it’ll be quick and painless.”

Simon sighed, making a face at a smug Wilhelm. He shifted his position so he was sitting closer to Wilhelm and Madison, and held hands with them. Madison guided them through a series of deep breaths and closing their eyes and picturing a light inside of them, and she told them what to say, and feeling a bit embarrassed, Simon followed Wilhelm’s lead as they repeated everything Maddie told them. 

All Simon could think at that moment was that it was strange to be back in Hillerska with Wilhelm, it was strange to be in the gardens with this group, it was strange to go back to some kind of normalcy, but he wouldn’t change it for the world. He opened one eye carefully to sneak a peek at Wilhelm, and saw him with his eyes closed, his face relaxed, his lips betraying a tiny smile. Simon felt a smile tugging at his own lips and closed both eyes again. 

He felt Maddie let go of his hand, then he heard a rustling, and felt something moving in front of his face. 

“What the- what are you doing?” He asked as his eyes flew open. Maddie was moving her hands in front of their faces. Wilhelm’s eyes widened in confusion and surprise. 

“These crystals are now charged, and I’m using them to absorb any negative energy that might still be around you,” she said, showing them the rocks she was holding. “Don’t lose focus, we’re almost done.”

“Oh Maddie, just get it over with,” Felice said. 

“You want this done quick or you want it done right?” Maddie retorted. 

Simon recoiled as he felt something fall on his head. Fredrika had walked behind him and placed a flimsy flower crown on his hair. “One for you, and one for you,” she said as she placed one on Wilhelm’s head as well. She had already done the same to Sara and Felice, although Felice’s was crooked. Stella knelt beside Maddie and tried putting one on her, but Maddie’s buns made it difficult. 

“It suits you,” Wilhelm whispered, beaming at Simon. Simon blushed.

“You too,” he said. He realized that they were still holding hands. 

“Hey, don’t I get one?” Henry asked, smiling at Stella. Stella rolled her eyes and desisted from fitting one on Maddie and tossed it at Henry. The flower crown came undone in his lap. “Wow, thanks,” he said sarcastically. Fredrika grabbed a couple of flowers and placed one in each of Maddie’s buns. Walter grabbed one of the flowers from the unmade crown and stuck it behind his ear, then tickled Henry’s nose with another.

“Okay, fine, I guess we can leave the cleansing there,” Maddie said, pulling the flowers out of her hair. 

“Thank you, Maddie, that was nice,” Wilhelm said. 

“Do you feel better?” She asked.

“Yeah… I feel good,” he answered, smiling. 

“How about you, Simon?”

Simon gave her an honest smile. “Terrific.”

Maddie smiled back, pleased, and started putting her trinkets away. “Good. Now you know how to do it properly, and if you ever want to do this again, you can borrow any of my things whenever you need…”

Simon felt Wilhelm squeeze his hand gently, and Simon smiled and squeezed back. 

—

People were extremely nice toward Wilhelm all day, more than usual. They were also still being uncharacteristically friendly toward Simon. Even Vincent was a little nice to him, calling him Eriksson and asking him when he planned to return to rowing practice, and if he thought there was a chance that Wilhelm would return as well.

He almost preferred it when most of his classmates treated him like a nobody. At least he could tell they were authentic. 

But most people also were keeping their distance from him and Wilhelm. That familiar feeling of being intensely watched after the video leaked was back. There were furtive glances in their direction and whispering about them, about Wilhelm in particular, but at least it was slightly more subtle this time. Whenever either of them entered a classroom, the whispering would stop. 

During free period, Wilhelm and Simon managed to sit with Felice, Sara and Madison, spreading themselves around the table so that no one else could try to budge in, and started working on maths problems. Stella and Fredrika walked past and sat with another group of girls, and Walter and Henry were forced to sit at the next table. 

Simon glanced at the two boys; they still followed Wilhelm around, though not like lost puppies as they used to when Wilhelm first arrived at Hillerska last year. Most first year boys liked the idea of being at least somewhat connected to the Crown Prince, because as first years they didn’t have many connections yet. The girls too, because most girls, high society or not, would never miss the chance at shooting their shot with any handsome prince, especially not one that was within their reach. It was all for the clout.

But right now, Simon couldn’t help but think that anyone who attempted to hang out with them now, besides Sara, Felice and Madison, were doing it out of pure morbid interest. They were probably curious for any scandalous details, any evidence. Get in the inner circle, get the tea, be in the know. 

It put him on edge.

He was worried about something else too; him and Sara had barely spoken in the past months. They used to talk about everything. And now more than ever he wanted to be able to talk to her. But whenever she went home to visit, she seemed to avoid him. He was starting to think that she was avoiding being alone with him at all. 

Wilhelm had gone off for a moment to talk with Mr. Englund about a test he had to make up for. So when Sara stood up to go to the toilet, Simon was alone at the table Felice and Madison. 

“Hey, do you guys know if there’s something going on with Sara?” Simon asked in a low voice. Felice and Madison looked at each other, confused, and Felice slowly shook her head.

“I don’t think so,” she said. “I mean, I don’t think there’s anything going on. Why?” 

Simon sighed. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to share details with them. “It’s just, she’s been acting a bit strange, with me at least. Like even if we’re hanging out, she barely talks to me, and it feels like she’s trying to avoid me.” 

“Is she still angry with you because of the situation with your dad?” Felice asked, and immediately blushed. “Sorry, she told us about it.”

Simon bit his lip. “It’s okay. Well, we haven’t really talked about that again, but… I don’t think that’s it anyway. She’d still talk to me, even if she was mad, and she would just throw that in my face every chance she would get. But this feels different. Like she’s hiding something.”

Felice and Madison looked at each other again. Madison shrugged. 

“I don’t really know, Simon. I haven’t noticed,” Felice sighed. “Would you like us to ask her about it?”

Simon looked defeated. “No, I guess I’ll talk to her. I just wanted to know if you guys knew anything beforehand.”

“Maybe she feels bad that she doesn’t live at home anymore, and you’ve been going through a lot and she hasn’t been there for you,” Felice offered.

“Yeah, maybe.”

“Maybe she’s a little jealous,” Madison said. Simon frowned, confused.

“What?”

“She’s been asking a lot of things, like how you know if you like someone, and how to tell if someone likes you back, that sort of thing,” Madison explained. Simon sat forward.

“Wait, she likes someone?”

Madison shook her head. “She didn’t say. I just thought maybe she kind of wants something like what you have and she’s a little jealous of you.”

“Wait, of me?” Simon asked. 

“Of you and Wilhelm. What you guys have.”

Simon’s cheeks became warm. “We don’t… we’re not a couple. Not anymore.”

“For now,” Madison said, cocking an eyebrow knowingly.

“Maddie…” Felice muttered, throwing her a look. Simon felt the heat go down his neck. 

“That’s complicated. Even if… even if we both wanted to… the monarchy would never allow it. They don’t-” He stopped. He wasn’t sure if he was more flustered over thinking about all of this again, or over him actually using the phrase ‘the monarchy would never allow it’. It sounded so dramatic, so foreign and outdated, like something out of a Shakespeare play or a fairytale. But it was, unfortunately, not completely removed from reality. 

Madison shrugged again. “So? You don’t have to be a couple to be soulmates, you just are.”

Simon stared at her, blushing harder. She just said that so casually.

“You think we’re soulmates?” He asked, his voice soft, breathy. 

“I don’t think it, I know it,” Madison replied, nonchalantly jotting down numbers on her notebook.

Felice grinned. “Maddie, I didn’t know you could be so sappy.”

Madison rolled her eyes. “I’m not sappy, I’m perceptive. Soulmates doesn’t only mean a romantic relationship, it’s a powerful connection that can transcend time, lifetimes, planes of existence, dimensions, you name it. It’s two people that are linked together, literally forever, and they will find each other over and over again,” she explained very confidently. “It’s like you and Wilhelm are two halves of a whole and you will always be attracted toward each other, like a magnetic force. And once you find each other, you can’t be separated.”

“Maddie, that is so beautiful,” Felice said, her voice suddenly high-pitched. 

Simon’s mouth was slightly open, but no sound came out. Madison was looking at him, like she was explaining something very obvious.

“You don’t think you’re soulmates?” She asked. “I’m pretty sure about it, and I don’t even know you guys that well. But think about it; once you found each other, the moment they tried to split you apart, you guys started… malfunctioning. Look at what happened to Wilhelm. Think about how you felt when you were apart. You knew something essential was missing, like you were missing a part of yourself. You can’t be separated,” she emphasized, pointing her pencil at him. “That’s also why you have to clean your aura every so often, to get rid of all the negative energy from the people around you who don’t understand this, who don’t get that, one way or another, you belong together.”

“Who belongs together?” Wilhelm asked, reappearing beside the table. He took his seat beside Simon, oblivious, and Simon felt his face grow so hot, he knew he looked bright red. 

“You and Simon,” Madison answered matter-of-factly. 

“Maddie…” Felice said through gritted teeth. 

Wilhelm nodded. “Yeah, we’re best friends,” he said, smiling, but there was a slight blush on his cheeks. 

“Yeah, but not just best friends, I was pointing out to Simon that you guys are actually soulmates,” Madison added, like it was no big deal, and Simon wished he could blink out of existence in that instant. Felice hid her face behind her hands.

“Maddie, for fuck’s sake, stop…” she growled.

Wilhelm nodded again. “That too, yeah.” 

Simon felt like his heart skipped a beat.

“So you agree with me,” Madison said.

“Maddie, I sweat to God…” Felice gave a tired sigh.

“I can’t help it if I just know these things,” Madison responded.

Simon kept his eyes on the two arguing friends, willing his face to cool off, willing himself not to look at Wilhelm. But he could feel Wilhelm’s eyes on him, so he momentarily chanced a glance at him, and their eyes met; they smiled knowingly at each other, and Simon felt his cheeks burning again and he had to look away, down at his notebook, begging his mind to focus on the maths problem in front of him.

Two halves of a whole…

Missing a part of yourself…

Cannot be separated…

The monarchy would never allow it…

—

Malin stood by the door to the school building. Classes were over for the day, and the Crown Prince accompanied Simon to the entrance. 

(She wished they would stand further away, so that she couldn’t pick up any of their conversation. She always felt so intrusive. They were hard to tune out.)

“…feel like I am way behind, more than I thought,” Wilhelm was saying. Simon patted him on the shoulder.

“You’ll catch up. We’ll help you, don’t worry.”

“At least the teachers are being nice about it, although I don’t know if that makes me feel better or worse.”

“It’s not your fault that you had to be away for so long.”

“Yeah, well… it still sucks.”

“How do you feel? Now that this part of the day is over?”

Wilhelm thought long and hard about it. “I think I’m okay. I think it’s probably downhill from here. Or at least I hope so.”

“I’m glad. One step at a time, remember?” 

“Yeah, I know.”

“It’ll be alright. You’ll be alright.”

“Yeah.”

They stood there, in silence, for a moment. A lot like the first time Simon visited Wilhelm at the clinic, when it was time to say goodbye. (Neither of them wanted to, like they were afraid to, like they thought they might never see each other again.)

“Wait, I almost forgot to give you this,” Simon said suddenly, taking a small package from his backpack. Malin knew what it was right away.

“You didn’t have to worry about it, I didn’t need it back immediately.”

“I think you do.”

“Yeah, I do. Hold on, did you keep it wrapped this whole time?”

“Of course not, I kept it on my bedside table.”

“Thanks for taking care of it. But wait! I haven’t given you your hoodie back…”

“That’s okay, you can keep it a bit longer.”

There was another long silence. Then Simon stepped closer to Wilhelm and they hugged for a long time. They reluctantly let go of each other. There was no one around, no one that they could see, except for Malin and Kurt, who were always there; still, they hesitated to do what they had been doing for the past months. So Simon bit his lip and just squeezed Wilhelm’s hands. 

“I have to go or I’ll miss the bus. Video call later?”

“Yes, please,” Wilhelm nodded. 

“Ok. See you later.” 

Simon walked away, waving at Malin and Kurt, then waving goodbye to Wilhelm, glancing over his shoulder before walking down the steps. Wilhelm stared down at the package in his hands and dejectedly turned on his heel and headed to Forest Ridge, bodyguards in tow.

—

The Crown Prince stayed in his room all evening.

He was understandably wary about going into the common room, where the rest of the boys were playing chess and lounging around. He also decided to skip on going down to the dining hall for dinner. It wasn’t that Wilhelm wasn’t hungry, he was just too nervous and self-conscious still. It was only his first day back.

(Malin had been nervous all night too. It was her first night back as well. The last time she had been in Forest Ridge at night was unpleasantly embedded in her mind forever, and she could only imagine what it felt like for Wilhelm.) 

So Malin alerted a member of the staff to send dinner up to the Crown Prince’s dorm room. 

She had been expecting one of the younger boys, especially those two that seemed to follow Wilhelm everywhere, Henry or Walter,  to come upstairs. But instead it was Nils, the new prefect, who showed up bearing a tray of food. He sheepishly asked to come in.

(Malin was hesitant to let him through; she knew that Nils had been friends with August. Now that she knew August had been responsible for the leaked video, she was extra wary about anything and anyone having to do with August, even if he was gone.) 

She knocked on the door and poked her head in, to let Wilhelm know about the visitor. She would let him decide if Nils was welcome or not. 

Nils stepped hesitantly into the room. He greeted Wilhelm, brought the tray of food to the desk, and stood awkwardly beside the bed, where Wilhelm had been reading. Malin left the door open, waiting for him to come back out. There was a reason Wilhelm didn’t go down to the dining hall tonight, he didn’t want to be around people, any people. 

“It’s too bad you can’t join us tonight. But we understand. It must be a bit strange for you to be back, but we’re glad that you are,” Nils began, sounding a bit too polite, too formal and fake. 

Wilhelm nodded. 

“I just want to say that, whatever you need, just ask. We’re here for you. I’m here for you,” Nils added, sounding a bit more relaxed. Wilhelm nodded again.

“Thank you, Nils.”

“Just take it easy, okay?”

“Okay.”

Nils headed for the door, but stopped. He looked at Malin for a second, slightly nervous, before turning around slowly. 

“It was him, wasn’t it?” He asked. 

Wilhelm looked up at him. 

“August,” Nils clarified. “He leaked the video of you and Simon, didn’t he? That’s why he’s gone.”

Wilhelm exchanged a glance with Malin. Then looked at Nils for a long time, before he nodded. “Yeah,” he said in a low voice.

Nils’s face was blank, but then he started shaking his head, his jaw tense. “Fucking asshole,” he seethed. 

(Malin felt herself relax a bit. Maybe this kid wasn’t so much like August at all.)

She watched Wilhelm. 

“Wilhelm, I swear to you that I didn’t know anything,” Nils continued, earnestly. “If I had known, I would have told him what a fucking creep he is. I would have told you about it.”

“Would you?” Wilhelm asked, eyes narrowed. 

“Yes. I would rather snitch on him than be an accomplice of this bullshit,” Nils said, emphatic. “Look, I know you probably think I’m just one of August’s lackeys, toadying to that pompous dickhead all the time. And I know I did, because I had to, he was in control of everything. But if I had known he was capable of something like this, I… I would have done something. He really thought he can get away with anything, he really thought he can walk all over people. And if he would do something like this to you, to his own family, then… who knows what he’s capable of doing.”

Malin raised an eyebrow. 

(She wondered if any of the other boys felt exactly like Nils.)

Nils’ shoulders slumped, defeated. “I’m so sorry. You didn’t deserve that. Simon didn’t deserve that. I’m sorry.”

Wilhelm was quiet for a moment. “Thank you.”

“I wish I had known… I wish I had done something…”

“It’s okay, Nils.”

“No, it’s not. Things got way out of hand, and you… you tried to-”

“Thanks for the food, Nils,” Wilhelm interrupted him, his voice tense. 

Nils stopped. Malin stepped toward him, to make sure he understood it was time to go. The boy sighed.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“I know.”

“I meant it. Anything you need,” Nils added, then walked out. 

Malin watched him as he disappeared around the corner and down the stairs. She turned to watch Wilhelm through the open door for a moment. The Crown Prince stood up from the bed and sat on the desk chair, and started picking at the food with the fork. 

“Are you okay, Wilhelm?” She asked, dropping the formalities. They were unnecessary right now. 

Wilhelm glanced at her. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?”

He put the fork down. “I’m not hungry anymore.”

“You need to eat something,” she said, trying not to sound too motherly. 

“I will, I promise, just… give me a moment,” he said, transferring back to the bed. 

“I shouldn’t have let him in,” Malin said. 

“No, it’s okay… at least now I know what people are talking about when I’m not around,” he said. 

“Wilhelm,” she said, her voice serious so that he would look at her. “It’s okay to feel anxious about it. But you have to talk about it, remember?”

Wilhelm gave her a faint smile. “I know. I’m calling Simon in a little while, I’ll talk to him about it.”

“I’ll be right here if you need anything,” she said, stepping back to close the door.

“Thanks, Malin,” he said before it shut. 

—

Simon had just finished doing the dishes and he was drying his hands when his phone trilled. 

“Mamá, tengo video llamada con Wille. I’ll be in my room, okay?” He called, grabbing his phone and rushing to his room.

“Mándale un abrazo de mi parte,” Linda called back before Simon closed the door.

“Hi,” he said as soon as Wilhelm’s face appeared on the screen.

“Hey, I’m not interrupting, am I?”

“Nope, I did the dishes already. Mum and I are watching a movie in a bit, she sends you a hug by the way. And then bedtime. I’m pretty tired. Why am I so tired?”

“I’m really tired too. I was pretty tense all day, I feel like I’ve been lifting weights,” Wilhelm replied. He was lying in bed. 

“Are you… are you wearing my hoodie?” Simon asked, spying the purple fabric. Wilhelm chuckled.

“Yeah, I needed it. I felt a little… overwhelmed.”

“Why? What happened? Was it at dinner? Was it awkward?”

“I… I didn’t go to the dining hall this time either. I was too anxious about being around people, especially without you or Felice.” He bit his lip. “Nils brought me dinner instead.”

“Okay.”

“He… asked me if it had been August.”

Simon tensed. Wilhelm didn’t wait for him to say anything, and just told him the whole story.

“They know, don’t they? Everyone knows,” Wilhelm said. He sounded sad, crestfallen. 

Simon took a deep breath. “I guess it’s not surprising. I mean, the reporting system is completely confidential, or at least that’s what they assured me, but people can just put two and two together-”

“No, I mean they know everything. It just dawned on me that everyone knows everything about me… They know it’s me on the video, even when I was forced to deny it, they know that I tried to kill myself, they know that August was expelled because of the video… they just know everything… I have no secrets, no privacy.”

Simon let out a deep sigh. “Wille, I don’t think we can control that, and I don’t think it’s worth worrying about it. I don’t care if everyone knows that I reported August and got him expelled, I don’t care what anyone thinks of me because of that, because trust that I did the right thing, it had to be done. And I know that it sucks that people are talking about you or about me or us behind our backs, but whatever they say, whatever they think they know, whatever assumptions they might draw out of any of it, it doesn’t matter.”

Wilhelm was nodding. “You’re right.”

“Did you at least eat your dinner?”

Wilhelm moved the camera to show Simon his plate. “I did feel a bit nauseated, but I managed to eat most of it.”

“Have some herbal tea or some ginger ale. It will help you.”

“Yes, doctor Eriksson.”

Simon laughed. They talked a bit longer, Simon asked him if he was up for hanging out with Rosh and Ayub at his house one of these days, and Wilhelm vehemently said yes; then Linda poked her head in, asking if they were going to watch the movie after all.

“Sí, sí, dame un segundo,” he said to her, before looking at the screen again. “I’ve gotta go. Text you later before bed, okay?”

“Okay. Bye Linda!” Wilhelm called. 

“Bye Wilhelm!” Linda replied. 

Simon had already watched Knives Out with Rosh and Ayub, but Linda hadn’t, so she was engrossed in it. Simon, meanwhile, was genuinely so mentally exhausted that he fell asleep several times during the movie, waking up only when Linda gasped at each plot twist. When the movie ended, it was only past ten and yet he barely managed to make it to his room and change into his pajamas.   

He texted ‘good night’ to Wilhelm whilst brushing his teeth. After a couple of minutes came Wilhelm’s text back. ‘Good night’ and a zzz emoji. Simon smiled, before shutting off the light and turning to sleep. 

—

He woke up from a weird dream.  

As soon as Simon opened his eyes, the weirdness of the dream vanished, but his heart was thumping a bit harder in his chest. It was a heavy dream, it made him tense, but he could no longer remember what it had been about.

He realized that the buzzing of his vibrating phone woke him up. He picked it up immediately. With bleary eyes, he read Wilhelm’s name appear on the screen. It was a voice call.

“Wille?” He said immediately, his voice still sleepy. His heart still thumped faster. “Is everything okay?”

The line was silent. Then he heard a low breath.

“Wille? Hello?” He sat up in bed. 

Wilhelm’s ragged breathing was interrupted by his nervous voice. “Uh, sorry, sorry, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have called. I’m- it’s nothing-”

“What? Wille, what’s going on?” 

“Nothing, nothing, it’s fine, I’m fine. I’m sorry I called, I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

Simon reached for the lava lamp and turned it on, at least the deep red and purple light wouldn’t blind him. He could hear Wilhelm’s shuddering breaths. “Wille, please tell me what’s going on,” he said urgently.

“It’s nothing, I just-” There was a loud noise, and then a tone.

“Wille?” Simon looked at his phone. The call had been disconnected. He called him back immediately. Wilhelm didn’t pick up. He tried again. He tried three more times, he sent a text message. -Wilhelm, please answer. Call me back. Nothing.

He didn’t know how many text messages he sent, he just kept sending them and trying to call back, as he stood up and got dressed. Sleep-addled and panicking, he grabbed his keys and put on his shoes and didn’t even notice that it was raining quietly as he left the house. He climbed on his bike and set off toward Hillerska, pedaling as fast as he could. 

Simon dropped his bike once inside the Hillerska gate. He ran the rest of the way to Forest Ridge house. He ran up to the entrance and stopped, his lungs hurting from both the cold and the exertion. 

How the hell was he supposed to get in? The doors would be locked. Wilhelm’s room was now on the second floor. 

He wiped the rainwater off his face and pulled out his phone and started walking quickly around the building. He dialed Wilhelm again. Still no answer. He would have to check to see if he could find any open window to climb through. As he ran around the corner, he smacked right into Kurt.

Wilhelm’s burly bodyguard dropped the umbrella he was holding and grabbed him by the shoulder of his jacket roughly, and Simon instinctively tried to pull himself free.

“Simon!” Kurt exclaimed, realizing who it was and letting him go. “What are you doing here?”

Simon stood up straight and tried to calm down. He was still out of breath from running up the hill, from cycling all the way there. 

“Uh…” he began. “I… Wille called me. He sounded… well, not great… I’ve been trying to call him back, but he won’t answer.”

Kurt looked thoroughly confused. He picked up the umbrella and covered both with it. “He called you? When?”

Simon glanced at his phone, at the call from Wilhelm. “About… twenty minutes ago,” he said.

“How did you get here?”

“I rode my bike. Look, is Wille okay? I don’t like the way he sounded.”

“How did you get past security?”

“What security?”

Kurt groaned. “Oh great. We have a major gap if you managed to get by undetected. We’re gonna have to sort that out-”

“Kurt! Is Wille okay?!” Simon almost shouted.

Kurt seemed to think for a long time, trying to figure out what to do.

“Calm down. Wilhelm is okay. He did have a panic attack earlier, as you said about twenty minutes ago. We stayed with him as he recovered, and he’s fine now,” he explained. “He must have called you before he called us. But he didn’t mention that he called you. Does your mother know that you’re here? It’s one thirty in the morning.”

Simon felt a cold sweat. His mother... What if he woke her up with all his racket and she didn’t find him?

“Um, I’ll text her in a moment,” he said. 

“Jesus Christ,” Kurt rubbed the bridge of his nose. 

“So he’s okay now?”

Kurt nodded. “Yes, he’s fine. I’m sorry that you were worried. If we had known he called you we would have let you know that he’s okay.”

Simon looked around, still out of breath, soaked and freezing and unsure of what to do. He had literally left his house in the middle of the night again, without alerting his mother again, to come to Wilhelm’s rescue again. And now he wasn’t going to even see Wilhelm. 

Kurt scratched the back of his head. “You can come in and see for yourself.”

“Uh,” Simon started, unable to process anything. He was so tired, and why would Wilhelm not answer his calls, why didn’t he reply to any of his texts, what time was it… “No, no, that’s okay. I’m sorry. I don’t want you to get in trouble, and I’d get in trouble too.”

“It’s no trouble. You’ve come all this way. You just rode here like a madman, at least you could have a rest and see that Wilhelm is okay. And nobody needs to know how or when you got here, and how you got past security…” Kurt muttered the last part, shaking his head. “Please text your mother right now.”

It didn’t take much more persuading. Simon was tired and now that the adrenaline was wearing off he felt like he might collapse. He also doubted that he would be able to rest well without seeing Wilhelm first.

Kurt led Simon around the building and unlocked the main entrance door, holding it open for Simon before locking it again. He led the way up the stairs to the second floor. As they walked down the hallway toward Wilhelm’s dorm room, Simon became very aware that he was wet and sweaty and his hair was a damp mess and he had put on mismatched socks. Hopefully his breath was not terrible. 

Malin was outside the door, looking at her phone, when she saw them coming out of the corner of her eye. When she spotted them, she looked thoroughly unsurprised.

”He called you, didn’t he?” She said to Simon. 

“Twenty-something minutes ago,” Kurt explained. “Poor Simon rode his bike all the way here, under the rain.”

“Figures. When I walked in, he was saying that he couldn’t reach his phone,” Malin explained. “I should have known he had been texting with you or something.”

She knocked on the door. “Crown Prince?” She called gently. “I don’t think he’s asleep yet, I only just checked on him, and he had his headphones on,” she said to Simon, opening the opened the door. 

The desk lamp was on, a scarf draped over it to dim the light. Wilhelm was lying on the bed, facing the wall, arms wrapped around himself. He was wearing Simon’s hoodie and his noise-cancelling headphones. 

Simon was suddenly struck by the significance of Wilhelm wearing his favorite hoodie, which he had found two years ago at a thrift shop, and which was old and worn and not even remotely fancy and far from all the brand and designer and perfectly-tailored clothes that the Crown Prince wore daily, throwing it on like it was his security blanket.

Malin gestured for Simon to follow her as she quietly walked in. She tapped him on the arm gently, and almost immediately Wilhelm turned to look, pushing the headphones off.

“Wilhelm, Simon is here,” Malin said. Wilhelm sat up confused, but then he spotted Simon, standing just behind Malin, and his eyes widened. He sprung to his feet, standing there frozen for a second, before he wrapped Simon into a hug.

Simon wrapped his own arms around Wilhelm’s waist and breathed a sigh of relief. He was okay, Wilhelm was okay. 

“I’m so sorry,” Wilhelm whispered. “I can’t believe… you came all this way. Why did you come all this way?”

“You… you wouldn’t answer the phone, I panicked…”

“My fucking phone!” Wilhelm gasped. “I’m so sorry. You’re all wet and cold. Are you cold?”

Malin cleared her throat. “Simon, please text your mother and let her know where you are and that you are fine. We’ll find your bike and keep it safe. Crown Prince, please make sure that Simon changes into dry clothes. Kurt or I will pick up a change of clothes and your school bag at your house in the morning.”

“He’s staying? You’re staying?” Wilhelm asked, looking at her and Simon in turn.

“I’m staying?” Simon added.

“What choice do we have? To drive Simon home would mean alerting everyone that he arrived here in the first place, past midnight, and got in undetected. Simon would also get in trouble for trespassing on the school grounds. We’re covering our asses here as well as your own. Well, except that I suppose you’ll be in deep trouble with Linda once you go home.”

Simon bit his lip. He started texting his mother right away. She was going to be so pissed. 

Malin pulled out her phone and started tapping away at it. “Simon, I’m going to give you my number and Kurt’s number. Next time, if the Crown Prince doesn’t answer, please call us before losing your mind. We should have done this long ago,” she mumbled that last part to herself, shaking her head. Simon’s phone vibrated with the two incoming shared contacts from Malin. Did that mean that Malin had his number this whole time and he didn’t know?

“Now I suggest you both get some sleep. We’ll sort it out in the morning,” Malin finished, but she wasn’t annoyed anymore. In fact, she offered them both a small, reassuring smile. “I’ll be out here if you need anything.”

She closed the door. Wilhelm and Simon looked at each other for a long moment, until Simon started shivering. Wilhelm cursed under his breath and took off the scarf from the lamp to have more light, and he scrambled around his wardrobe to find clothes for Simon to wear. 

“Here,” he said, handing him grey joggers, a long-sleeved grey t-shirt, and a pair of socks. He grabbed a fresh towel. “That’s for your hair. What else do you need? Oh!” He took off the purple hoodie, revealing a white t-shirt underneath, and handed it to him. “I haven’t washed it, sorry. But you should have it back now before I just pretend to forget to give it back forever,” he chuckled.

”Thanks,” said Simon, and started peeling off his clothes. 

Wilhelm turned his back to give him privacy. That gesture made Simon blush. They had already seen each other naked before, why did Wilhelm have to be so chivalrous right now? He started at Wilhelm’s back, his sleep-addled brain suddenly fixated on the back of his neck. The new haircut made his neck look longer, his back seemed broader, or maybe he had gotten broader…

He shook his head and glanced around the room quickly. It felt like the same room, the layout was the same, and it already looked lived in by Wilhelm; his clothes, his books, his things populated this place once again. The frog prince snow globe was back in its place on the desk, but now it was accompanied by a frog prince stuffed animal sitting beside it. 

But the first thing he had noticed was that the curtains were closed. Simon himself compulsively closed the curtains at night too. 

“Why didn’t you answer your phone?” Simon asked as he pulled on the dry clothes. His skin was prickly all over, hairs standing on end even as he put on his hoodie. He rubbed his arms. His muscles ached, from the exhaustion, from the cold, from the stress. 

“Shit, my phone. I forgot it. I’m so sorry.” Wilhelm started tugging at his bed, trying to separate it from the wall. 

“What happened?” Simon asked, watching him. Wilhelm managed to move the bed enough that he could reach his hand down between the bed and the wall, feeling around on the floor under the bed. 

“I had a panic attack,” Wilhelm said. In the dim light, Simon could still see him reddening.

“I know, Kurt told me. But why? What exactly happened?”

Wilhelm stopped for a moment and looked dejected. 

“I felt sick. After we talked, I felt nauseated still, I went to the lavatory and threw up my dinner. I just kept thinking about what Nils said-”

“You threw up?” 

“I’m better now. I just… I know Nils meant well,  I know he was trying to be nice, and I believe him and I appreciate what he said. But it just got me thinking about… well, about everything, and then I couldn’t stop thinking… And I started feeling anxious, thinking about how this is my life now, this is always going to be what comes to people’s minds when they think of me. The suicide attempt, the video… I started thinking about August as well, for some reason…” he was shaking his head, like he was trying to shake the thought of his cousin out of his head. “I’m worried that he might try to get back at you for it… I’m worried that I’m going to have to face him again at some point… And I guess I started spiraling.”

Simon nodded. He too worried about the same thing, despite the Queen’s reassurances that he shouldn’t. After everything that had happened, it was hard not to think that.

Wilhelm closed his eyes and took a deep breath, like he was beginning to spiral again. “I tried everything that my doctor has taught me, and it didn’t quite work. I started having a full-on panic attack. And my first impulse was to call… you,” he shrugged. “I don’t know, I guess I just wanted to hear your voice, I hoped it would help. You’re like my lifeline. But you obviously had been sleeping. I hadn’t checked the time, I had no idea how late it was, how long I had been spiraling, and I felt terrible for waking you up, for worrying you. And then I accidentally dropped my phone in the gap between the bed and the wall, and I couldn’t reach it, and I started to feel worse, I felt like I couldn’t breathe. Malin heard me trying to move the bed to reach for my phone, and came in and saw the state I was in, she called Kurt and they helped me work through it. And once I calmed down… I forgot all about my phone. To make matters worse, it’s only on vibrate.”

He started rummaging again and finally pulled out his phone victoriously. Wilhelm flipped it open and his eyes widened. 

“You called me eleven times?” He asked. “AND you sent me seventeen text messages?”

“Okay, yeah, I was worried,” Simon shrugged, sounding angrier than he meant. “I mean, wouldn’t you be? If your bo- if your friend, who just recovered from a suicide attempt, calls you in the middle of the night and then hangs up on you and then they don’t answer your calls or your texts and you have no idea what’s going on with them… you’d be worried, wouldn’t you?”

Wilhelm looked embarrassed. “I didn’t mean to hang up. I dropped my phone by accident.” He sighed. “I’m sorry.”

Simon shook his head slowly, and then his eyes filled with tears, and he tried to look away before they spilled, but his face betrayed that he was about to start crying. He was so tired and stressed and he had been so scared, and his legs felt like they would give out from underneath him any second now. 

Wilhelm was in front of him suddenly, pulling him close and wrapping him up in his arms again. Simon melted into the embrace, relishing the warmth. 

“Simon, no, please. I’m so sorry,” Wilhelm said, his voice watery. 

“I did worry. I will always worry now,” Simon sniffled. 

“I’m sorry that you always have to be worried about me.”

“Don’t be. Everything sucks, but it’s not your fault,” he mumbled into Wilhelm’s shoulder. They stayed like that for a moment, before Simon felt himself literally falling asleep standing up. He stood up straight when he realized he had been supporting his whole weight against Wilhelm’s body. He wiped the tears away.

“You’re so tired and freezing. Come on, get under the covers,” Wilhelm said.

Without hesitation, Simon climbed into Wilhelm’s bed and pulled the covers up to his nose. His hair was still somewhat damp, it was going to dampen the pillowcase. Wilhelm sat beside him on the edge of the bed. 

“Is that better?” He asked, smiling down at Simon.

“Not yet, but hopefully soon,” Simon said, his teeth beginning to chatter. “Ugh, I wish I had looked outside before I left the house, my raincoat was right there.” He looked up at Wilhelm. “How are you feeling?”

Wilhelm smiled bigger. “Better, definitely, now that you’re here,” he said, looking wistfully down at him. “I can’t believe you came. You’re always coming to my rescue. You’re my knight in shining armor.”

“That’s so cheesy,” Simon said, chuckling lightly. His eyelids felt heavy.

“Okay, I’m going to let you sleep, I’ll take the other bed,” Wilhelm announced, patting the mattress beside Simon and standing up. That woke Simon up. 

“What? Why?” He blurted out, eyes suddenly wide. Wilhelm stopped, looking at him confused. 

“Um, because… oh… I… I don’t know,” he stammered. “I thought…”

“Don’t be ridiculous, please just get in here. I need heat.”

Wilhelm obeyed, although he was a bit hesitant as he slid into the bed and under the covers beside Simon. Simon did not hesitate at all as he curled up into Wilhelm’s side, pushing his frozen hands underneath his body to warm them up, and wishing he could do the same with his feet. Wilhelm, in turn, put his arms around Simon gently, like he was afraid to break him. 

“Is… is this okay?”

“Why are you being so awkward?” Simon mumbled against his t-shirt. 

“Because… we haven’t done this in a while… I wasn’t sure if…”

“What?”

“If you were… okay with this.”

Simon ignored the question, ignored that he had a point, and instead nuzzled Wilhelm’s t-shirt with his nose. They had cuddled in the hospital, more than once. But maybe Wilhelm was right, maybe this was different. They were back in Hillerska now. 

But they were alone, they were safe. The room was on the second floor, and August was gone. 

That didn’t erase all the hurt, all the trauma. But he didn’t want to think about that now, couldn’t think about that, he was too tired, and he just wanted to sleep. 

Their breaths slowed down, and Simon thought for a moment he had fallen asleep without realizing it. He also thought Wilhelm had drifted off to sleep too, but then he felt Wilhelm’s thumb caressing his shoulder. He focused on that feeling, on the knowledge that he was in the arms of this beautiful boy again, on the fact that he could hear his heart beating in his chest, and he felt so warm and comfortable and so content that he felt himself on the verge of true peaceful slumber.

Then he heard a sniffle. 

Very quiet, but loud enough to wake him up again. He opened his eyes and lifted his head minimally from Wilhelm’s chest. Wilhelm’s face was relaxed, his eyes closed, and for a moment Simon thought back to that horrible day that Wilhelm had been in a coma, but this time he was just sleeping. But there were tears in his eyes, he could see them clumping his eyelashes together. 

“What’s wrong?” Simon whispered. 

Wilhelm’s eyes opened slowly, eyelashes wet, and shook his head. 

“Tell me, please,” Simon said, lifting his head more so that he could look at Wilhelm in the eye. The other boy took a moment to answer, hesitant, his voice tired and breathy. 

“It’s just… I feel like I’m this mess, this problem in your life that you constantly have to worry about, that you shouldn’t need to worry about, and yet you keep turning up for me. And even though I’m grateful that you came all this way to check on me, I-”

“Wille, come on,” Simon said with a sigh. “You’re not a mess or a problem. You’re someone that I really care about, so I’m going to be there for you when you need me. I want to be there for you. We agreed to be there for each other, no matter what, didn’t we?”

“But you were there for me today, all day. And all I had to do was get through the fucking night on my own, and I couldn’t even do that without needing help, without needing… you. And it’s not fair, I don’t deserve you dropping everything for me, you have your own shit to deal with, which by the way is also my fault. And please just let me finish so that I can get this off my chest,” he stopped only because Simon propped himself up onto his elbow and opened his mouth, ready to interrupt his rant. “Please.”

Simon closed his lips and nodded gently. 

“I know what you’re going to say, that it’s not my fault that things got so messed up,” Wilhelm continued. “I know this, I know that I shouldn’t get stuck on how different things would have been for both of us if… ugh, if I had done so many things differently, or not done some things. I know it, my doctor has told me, and I understand. But that’s just where my mind goes, I can’t help it. I can’t help going back again and again over everything… But I understand that I can’t change anything that’s happened, and that I have to learn to move past that, and forgive myself, so I can heal. And I don’t mind the physical scars so much. I just want to feel… whole again, but I hate not knowing how long that is going to take, if it ever even happens… I’m just so fucking tired of feeling broken.”

Simon listened, and he grabbed one of Wilhelm’s hands, turning it so that the palm and wrist were facing upward, and he very gently touched the scar down his arm with his thumb. 

He hadn’t wanted to look at them after Wilhelm was finally able to remove the bandages, not because he was repulsed by them, but because he didn’t want Wilhelm to be self-conscious about them. They were a reminder of what he had done to himself in such a desperate moment, and they would probably never go away completely. But as he caressed the reddish line of the scar on his pale skin, he couldn’t help but think they were beautiful, simply because they were a part of him. 

“I understand, and I wish you didn’t feel broken, because you’re not,” he said, “I get that it must be exhausting, but you’re doing great. And if you need help, well then you get help. You deserve help.”

Wilhelm nodded, fixated on the spot on his arm that Simon’s thumb was gently running over. “I know… but particularly today... why does it feel like I’m back to square one?” 

“You’re not, Wille. You are absolutely not. The old Wille would never have called me to tell me that he’s having a panic attack.”

Wilhelm pouted. “I didn’t actually even manage to tell you.”

“But you called. You tried to tell me. Before, you would have just tried to deal with that shit on your own and you would have felt horrible. Old Wille would never have spoken up about not feeling like he can do a speech, you would have just done it regardless of your mental health state. But you’re speaking up, you’re paying attention to your own feelings, you’re asking for help; that takes courage, and you are doing it, even if you’re scared, even if you feel embarrassed. You are braver than you think.”

“Okay, I know you’re right. I’m still embarrassed.”

“Look at me,” Simon said, his voice serious. Wilhelm met his eyes. “You have nothing to be embarrassed about. You have been through things that none of us could ever comprehend. You have every right to feel however you feel, and work through those feelings, and be treated with kindness.”

Wilhelm smiled. “Thanks,” he said, rather bashful. “You know, you sound so much like Emma. Have you considered becoming a psychologist? I think you would be the absolute best.”

“Hardly. I’m too messed up myself,” Simon said. He had been to therapy before, and he liked to read about mental health, especially after Wilhelm’s attempt, so he had learned a lot, but he doubted he had what it took to be a professional at it. How was Emma able to be sympathetic without her own feelings coming into the discussion? Simon hadn’t even been able to bring himself to deal with his own trauma of the past months. He should really go see Boris soon.

“That doesn’t mean you don’t know what you’re talking about,” Wilhelm pointed out. “You seem to have a knack for it.”

Simon chuckled. “I’ll consider it, if my signing career doesn’t take off.”

“Well, in that case, forget it. You are absolutely going to be the world’s biggest star,” Wilhelm said. 

Simon narrowed his eyes at him. “I feel like you’re making fun of me.” 

Wilhelm feigned indignation. “Excuse me? I would never make fun of you. Why would you think that of your number one fan?”

Simon laughed and lay back down onto his side, his head on the pillow, looking at Wilhelm. Wilhelm turned over onto his side too, to look back at Simon. They stared at each other, and Simon started humming a song that was stuck in his head. It was a song from the movie he and Linda had been watching earlier. As he hummed it, it sounded almost like a lullaby. He unconsciously reached out a hand toward Wilhelm’s face and pushed a strand of hair out of his eyes, tucking it behind his ear. He then proceeded to gently caress his cheek, much like he had done the night that Wilhelm had been in a coma. Much like Wilhelm had done to him the morning after their first time, making him wish he could be woken up like that every single morning. 

Wilhelm’s eyes fluttered close, as Simon continued to hum and tenderly brush his thumb over his cheek. Wilhelm’s hand came up to Simon’s wrist, to caress it in return. They stayed like that for minutes, teetering between wakefulness and sleeping. 

“I had a dream like this the other day,” Wilhelm said in a soft whisper. Simon looked at him through his eyelashes; Wilhelm’s eyes were still closed.

“You did?” 

Wilhelm nodded gently. “You were kissing me,” he said, his cheeks faintly pink. “I could have died right there and then, I was so happy. We kissed, that’s all, it was perfect. There was no one else in the world, it was just us.”

Simon watched his face, watched his closed eyes and the way his eyelashes grazed his cheeks, watched his soft, pink lips. 

“And then?” He asked. There was a pause, and again Simon thought that Wilhelm had fallen asleep this time, but then his eyes opened slightly, his gaze avoiding Simon’s. He looked sad.

“And then I woke up…”

Simon didn’t say anything. Dreaming about kissing sounded incredible. He would give anything for a dream as pure and satisfying as that one, even if it meant having to wake up from it eventually.

He’d had many dreams about Wilhelm since they had been apart; dreams about being together, kissing, having sex, just holding each other. Despite the hurt and the anger, he had yearned for all of that, yearned for it so much that he thought he was going insane. But then, after Wilhelm’s suicide attempt, the dreams got darker; they weren’t exactly nightmares, but so often he woke up with a heavy feeling in his heart, and he’d have to remind himself that Wilhelm was okay, that they were okay. Much like the dream he’d had earlier that night, which he couldn’t remember any details of, he had almost been comforted by the fact that Wilhelm had called him at that precise moment, like he had known somehow that Simon needed to know about him, know that he was okay.

It was like that most nights, and he knew that he was not going to make it go away just like that. Another reason to go talk to Boris soon. 

“I’ve been wondering…” Wilhelm said suddenly, still speaking in the softest whisper.

“What?” Simon asked, opening his eyes.

“Do you…” Wilhelm trailed off, looking into Simon’s eyes, like he was searching for something. An answer.

“Nothing, never mind,” he said suddenly, looking away, like he had been spooked. Simon perked up. His hand stopped on Wilhelm’s cheek. 

“Wait, no, what is it?”

Wilhelm was shaking his head minutely. “Sorry, no, forget it,” he said, much like he had over the phone when he called Simon. 

“Forget it? I thought we promised to tell each other everything,” Simon pointed out. There was a pause again, and Wilhelm looked sad. 

“I’m… afraid of what the answer might be,” he said, closing his eyes again. Simon lifted himself up onto his elbow, to force Wilhelm to look at him. His hand drifted from Wilhelm’s cheek to his chest. 

“Now you really have to tell me. Because now I’m afraid too,” he said. Wilhelm looked up at him and took a deep breath and started rambling.

“I was just wondering… because I was just happy that I got to be with you, that you were in my life again, and then that first time you came to visit me at the clinic, you kissed me and told me that you loved me, and after that every time we said goodbye back there, we said ‘I love you’ and we kissed, and that just… it made my day every time, it kept me going. You being there, and getting to kiss you again each time, and getting to tell you that I love you, and hearing you say those words to me… it made me so happy and hopeful,” he explained, looking down at his hands, picking at the cuticles of his nails. “But we haven’t talked about that, and I don’t know where we stand, what we are now. Especially now when it feels like I have rejoined the real world… I wonder, what it means for us… And that’s why I’m afraid… of the answer,” he finished with a shuddering exhale.

Simon bit his lip. If he was honest, he had been wondering the same thing, but didn’t know how to talk about it. Each time they talked when he visited Wilhelm at the clinic, he thought about bringing it up, but every single time he hesitated, feeling that he wasn’t ready to talk about that. He was just happy to be with Wilhelm in those moments, to get to hold him again and kiss him. It was like being in their little bubble. He didn’t want anything to burst it. 

“I’m sorry,” Wilhelm shook his head. “I shouldn’t have brought this up now, you’re tired, I’m tired. This is probably not the best moment to discuss this. I’m sorr-”

“Stop apologizing, you apologize too much,” Simon interrupted him, not unkindly. “Don’t be sorry. You’re right, we should talk about it, and… I think the best time to talk about it is right now, right here,” he added. However, he didn’t know how to begin. After it was clear that Simon was hesitating, Wilhelm took a deep breath.

“I just want to say that, if you want to be with me again, if you want to start again, I’m already there. I’ve been here the whole time,” he said. Then he licked his lips and breathed deeply again, like he was bracing himself for something. “But… if you don’t want to be with me again, I would understand. I’d just really like for you to tell me know, so that I can start getting over you… someday, somehow…” he said with a small, clearly forced reassuring smile.  

Simon watched Wilhelm nervously picking at his nails, and he had to chuckle and shake his head. “Between kissing you every time and telling you that I love you, which one exactly made you think that I wouldn’t want to be with you?”

Wilhelm took a deep breath. “It’s just that, you… you have no reason to. I hurt you, I messed up. I don’t… I don’t deserve you. So whatever happens now, whatever you decide, I’ll just have to deal with it. But I would appreciate if you make it quick, just rip the bandaid off.”

“Well now you’re just implying that I would be so cruel to kiss you and tell you that I love you to play with your feelings, instead of just actually being inexplicably and… hopelessly in love with you…” Simon said with a long sigh. He hadn’t meant for it to sound so dramatic, so over-the-top, but it was all that came to mind. 

Wilhelm still looked scared and resigned. Simon lifted himself up onto both elbows and closed his eyes for a moment.

“I’m sorry. We should have talked about it sooner. I… I was afraid too. I was afraid of what could come up that I wasn’t ready to deal with. Because… because nearly losing you was too much. The first time I kissed you and told you that I loved you at the clinic, I was afraid that I would never get another chance. Because the last time we kissed before that, I hadn’t known it might have been the last time I got to kiss you. And when you told me you loved for the first time, just before Christmas break, I knew that I loved you too, but I didn’t say it back because I was still too hurt, still too angry. I had no idea at the time that that might have been the only chance I got to tell you.”

He hadn’t realized he had started crying again. Wilhelm’s eyes filled with tears too. 

“I didn’t want to let those chances pass, I couldn’t let another moment pass without telling you that I loved you, without kissing you again,” Simon continued. “So I did. That was when I knew, that I wanted a second chance for us. But I wasn’t ready to talk about it yet, because talking about what it meant, talking about us, meant realizing that I had already forgiven you, and I was afraid that I was being naïve and setting myself up for heartbreak… again.”

He sighed again, wiping his tears. “I know that I’m too guarded with my feelings sometimes… it’s a self-preservation thing that I have. But I… I can’t help the way I feel, I can’t do anything about it,” he said. “I also can’t just forget everything that’s happened, what you did, what I did. But you gave me space, and I appreciated that. And yet I couldn’t stop thinking about you. And I still loved you. And then… and then I nearly lost you and it… it fucking hurt.” He wiped more tears, and Wilhelm grabbed the corner of the sheets to dry them too, even though his own face was wet as well. Simon sighed against Wilhelm’s touch. 

“I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you any of this before, but… I’m just scared every single day that something else is going to happen and fuck everything up again. And I’ll always be afraid of getting hurt again, especially by you. I don’t think I could take it. I’m not strong enough,” Simon said, shaking his head. Wilhelm swallowed hard. 

“Yes you are. Not that I plan on hurting you again, no way, but… you’re stronger than you think,” he said, his voice husky and thick. “I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you.”

Simon took another deep breath. It felt like a weight was really being lifted, he felt any remaining tension in his body ebbing away. “Maybe all this pain was just a test, to show us that perhaps it’s still worth it. It’s still worth fighting for each other.” He started nodding slowly. “So yeah… despite the fear, I’m willing to take that chance.”

Wilhelm grabbed one of Simon’s hands and held it to his chest, caressing his fingers. “Simon, I never meant to hurt you, I could never hurt you willingly, and I would never do anything to hurt you again. You’re the most important person in my life,” he said, and Simon thought that somehow it didn’t sound as dramatic when Wilhelm said things like that. It sounded like the most romantic thing ever. 

“I can’t lose you again. I won’t. The last time I did, I missed you so much that I wanted to die. And I nearly did,” Wilhelm added with a sad smile. “Whatever it takes, I’m making this work.”

Simon gave a faint smile too, but it quickly disappeared. “But that’s the thing… can this work? I sometimes feel like the world is against us. And I never imagined how complicated it could be… for you… for us… I actually said the words ‘the monarchy would never allow it’,” he chuckled, but it was a mirthless chuckle, “and it felt so ridiculous, but it’s true. And that’s why I’m so afraid.” He shook his head in self-derision. “I guess I should have known that’s what you get when you fall in love with the future king of Sweden.” 

Wilhelm propped himself up onto his elbow too, to be face to face with Simon, but he still held onto Simon’s hand. Like he couldn’t let go. 

“Simon, listen to me. I know that in the past I’ve said one thing and done another. But I promise, I swear, that I won’t do that anymore, even if they try to force me,” he said, so impassioned that Simon’s heart almost skipped a beat. “I’m done caring what the monarchy wants. I want you, and they can try whatever they want, but they can’t take me away from you again.” He took a deep breath. “Because… and this is the only time I ever hope to have to say this, and do not ever tell her that I said this, but… Madison is right.”

Simon had to laugh, momentarily confused, until he remembered. He remembered the conversation during free period, he remembered Madison’s words, and remembered how they had echoed in his mind, especially when he met Wilhelm’s eyes, when he realized that Wilhelm agreed. And now Wilhelm was looking at him so earnestly and Simon had to blush again, like he had back at the library. 

“You are it for me, call it what you want you want, my soulmate…” Wilhelm continued. “I just know it. And I know I’ve never been in love before, but I just know that I will never feel this way about anyone else for as long as I live. It’s not just that I’m in love with you, it’s… it just feels right. You and I belong together. One way or another.”

Simon’s face became even more red and hot. “That’s a bit over the top, isn’t it?” He said, his voice becoming hoarse.

Wilhelm smiled and shrugged. “Well, when you know, you know.”

Simon nodded. “I know,” he said, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips, because he met Wilhelm’s eyes and he felt like they could read each other perfectly. Maybe it had always been like that, but it took getting to know each other, falling in love with each other, going through so many things together, for them to finally understand each other without speaking. 

Was this real? How does anyone at the mere age of sixteen know for sure that they’ve found their soulmate? The Queen’s words about being young and feeling that love is monumental had been resonating in Simon’s mind ever since. But he agreed with Wilhelm; when you know, you just know.

“I didn’t take you for someone who believes in soulmates,” he said not unkindly. Wilhelm smiled.

“I didn’t take you for someone who doesn’t,” he replied. Simon bit his lip to try to stop himself from smiling.

“I didn’t say I don’t… I guess I just had to see it with my own eyes.”

Wilhelm smiled bigger, resting his head on his free hand, whilst the other continued to brush Simon’s with his thumb. “Although I didn’t need Maddie to tell us that. I’ve known all along. I’ve known since the day I first saw you.”

Simon laughed again. “Stop,” he groaned bashfully. Wilhelm made a face and fell back against the pillow, looking up at the ceiling like he was reminiscing. 

“I’m not even exaggerating. I was so upset that day, over having to start at Hillerska, and then I heard you sing, and I saw you, and I smiled for the first time that entire week, smiled for real in I don’t know how long. And you smiled back, and I swear to God that I felt like my brain was rewired.”

“Stooooop,” Simon chuckled, blushing furiously.

Wilhelm pretended to pout. “Oh okay, I guess that didn’t happen to you, then…”

Simon tried to keep a straight face. He wouldn’t admit yet that he felt something similar that day. After a month of being the new kid, the non-res, the working class kid, the gay kid, the target of some very elite and passive-aggressive bullying, he was singing with the choir to the new student, and that student was none of other than the freaking prince of Sweden, looking sour at the front of the chapel, with a bruised face and a bitter expression. And then their eyes met, and this sour prince smiled, a beaming smile, and Simon felt something strange in his chest, something that made him feel a bit more confident and stand taller and sing louder.

“It did,” he said in a soft voice. “I’ll tell you all about it later.”

“Why not right now?” Wilhelm asked. Simon scooted closer to him.

“Because I thought maybe, right now, we could recreate that dream of yours,” he said, trying to sound sultry, even when his cheeks were still pink and his heart was beating so fast he could barely hear anything else.  

Wilhelm’s half-lidded eyes suddenly sparkled, and his lips slowly curved into a smile, as Simon leaned down and gently placed his lips on Wilhelm’s for a long, deep kiss. He had never before put so much love and yearning into a single kiss, and as they breathed each other in, as he felt Wilhelm’s hands pulling him in by the waist, he never wanted it to end. 

He only stopped to look at Wilhelm’s face for a second, to take in his expression. Wilhelm opened his eyes and smiled again.

“I thought you were tired,” he whispered. Simon shrugged.

“Well… I guess I still have a tiny little bit of energy left,” he answered, rubbing his nose against Wilhelm’s. Their foreheads touched. 

“I love you,” Wilhelm whispered even quieter now, “I’m so happy that you’re here.”

“I love you too,” Simon echoed against Wilhelm’s lips. “I’m not going anywhere.” 

Simon reveled in the way this kiss felt like the start of something new, like a lot had changed between them and they were getting to know each other again, discovering new things as they breathed each other in, held each other, tasted each other. And yet it felt exactly like every other time they kissed; like in that moment in space and time, where they had found each other again and again, against all odds, they were the only two people who existed. 

“Simon.”

Simon jolted awake and turned red. He had fallen asleep at the table in the Forest Ridge dining hall. His head had lolled onto Wille’s shoulder and he dozed off until someone called his name and woke him up.

“What?” He asked. It was Henry who talked to him, sitting across from him at the table. 

“Hey, hi, what are you doing here?” Henry asked. Simon groaned inside, wishing to go back to sleep, even if it was on Wilhelm’s shoulder.

“What do you mean?” He asked, faking nonchalance.  

“Did you spend the night here?” Henry asked, not so innocent. 

Yes, he had spent the night there, how much more obvious could that be? He was never at Hillerska so early, not since quitting the rowing team, and he was not exactly known for his punctuality. He also looked like he hadn’t slept a wink at all, and he was wearing Wilhelm’s clothes because Kurt was not back from his house yet with his clothes and schoolbag. So he knew what the other boys were probably thinking, but he didn’t care. And neither did Wilhelm.

Last night, despite the sleep-deprivation, was the best night of his life. 

In the morning he woke up with one arm wrapped around Wilhelm’s body, his chest pressed to Wilhelm’s back and his nose and lips to the nape of his neck, and he had liked that a lot. Then Wilhelm rolled onto his back and pulled Simon close, and he had liked that too. This was only the second time they had woken up together (third if he counted their brief nap at the hospital), and he just really liked waking up with Wilhelm. They could have stayed like that forever.

They were jolted back to reality by Simon’s phone ringing, and Linda greeting him by saying all his names, punctuating between each, before very calmly and seriously and in full Spanish asking him what the hell he had been thinking (nothing chills the blood of a child of a Latina mother like being called by all their names and scolded in their native language in an extremely calm voice and being asked rhetorical questions, it would have been less scary if Linda had just yelled at him, she probably only restrained herself because she sensed that Wilhelm was listening in, even if he couldn’t understand a word, so Simon would likely get another louder earful when he got home), and all Simon could do was apologize profusely and promise to never do that again, before telling her that Kurt was on his way to fetch his things. 

Malin then knocked on the door and told them that they had fifteen minutes before they would have to go hungry. And they were really hungry. So after getting dressed (for Simon, that meant whatever Wilhelm could find that more or less fit him) and brushing their teeth (Wilhelm had a spare toothbrush that was now Simon’s) and making the bed together, they headed to the dining hall, hand in hand. 

Simon barely had a chance to revel in the comforting domesticity of it all, waking up together and standing at the sink shoulder to shoulder to brush their teeth, smiling at each other in the mirror, and sharing clothes and making the bed, before they had to exit their little bubble and rejoin the real world outside of Wilhelm’s dorm room. He wondered what they would say if people asked about his presence at breakfast, when Wilhelm grabbed his hand, interlacing their fingers, and pulled him along down the hallway to head downstairs, and Simon momentarily forgot about anything else. 

Simon never would have dreamed of walking through Hillerska holding hands with a boy. As proud and comfortable as he was of his sexuality and social status, Hillerska was not a place in which Simon felt completely comfortable, able to be wholly himself. He preferred laying low, being minimally involved, working hard and succeeding without attracting too much attention. It was part of his self-preservation method. Of course that failed spectacularly the moment he fell for the fucking prince of Sweden, but he had tried. 

As they entered the dining hall, he expected glances, whispering, maybe some comments; nothing came their way. Everyone just said hi to them, being particularly effusive and energetic toward Wilhelm. They asked if he felt better, and Nils asked if there was anything they could do to make him feel more comfortable in the dining hall. Simon did notice people glancing at their joined hands, but no one made a bigger deal of it. 

(Or maybe they were glancing at Wilhelm’s scars. Wilhelm had either purposely or accidentally worn short sleeves that day, and the reddish scars on his arms were completely visible. Maybe he just wasn’t self-conscious about them at all, which came as a massive relief to Simon.)

They fetched plates of food and Wilhelm got coffee and Simon got juice and they sat next to each other at the table. They didn’t talk, tired as they were; Simon looked blearily at Wilhelm, who munched his crispbread happily and gave him a very sleepy smile. The dining hall was so uncharacteristically quiet, everyone around them talking in very low voices amongst themselves, that Simon found himself drifting off on Wilhelm’s shoulder. Until Henry talked to him, that is. 

“Actually, I woke up extra early just so that I could have breakfast here and be interrogated by you,” Simon responded to Henry with a blank face and a huge yawn.

“What? Really?” Henry asked.

Simon rolled his eyes. “No. I slept here.” Henry still looked confused. 

“But you left yesterday.”

“I came back.”

“When?”

“At night. Sorry I didn’t stop by to tuck you in and read you a bedtime story,” Simon said, annoyed; beside him, Wilhelm snorted into his cup of coffee. Henry rolled his eyes.

“Just asking, man.” 

“You are asking an awful lot of questions, Henry,” Walter said, nudging him. “It’s begging for sarcasm.”

“I was just surprised, I’m pretty sure I saw him leaving yesterday.”

“He just said he left and then came back.”

“Yeah, but we didn’t see him. And then Wille didn’t come down for dinner last night. Is this why?” 

“Henry,” Wilhelm said suddenly, unexpectedly. “Take the hint. It’s none of your fucking business.”

Henry made a face and looked back down at his breakfast. Simon glanced up at Wilhelm, who was trying to keep a straight face. Simon didn’t try, and he smiled and closed his eyes and lay his head gently back onto Wilhelm’s shoulder. They stayed like that for a bit, Wilhelm sipping his coffee, and Simon chewing his food half-asleep. Maybe this would be their new normal for a while. 

He really liked that Wilhelm had called him last night and they had that conversation. He really liked that he had said everything that he wanted to say. He really liked that they were on the same page now.

But most importantly, he really, really liked that he got to be in love again. 

It still surprised him a bit when Wilhelm spontaneously planted a kiss on top of his head. Simon’s eyes opened for a moment,  landing on Henry, who had been pretending to mind his own business.

“So this is how it’s gonna be it now? You sneaking into Forest Ridge at night, and you two being cute at breakfast?”

“Henry, for fuck’s sake, save your absurd amount of questions for class, where you’re supposed to make them,” Walter groaned. “If only you were this fucking curious during History, you’d be top of the class.”

Henry frowned at him and they started a dumb argument, and Simon was able to tune them out and go back to leaning against Wilhelm. As if perfectly in sync, they coiled an arm around each other’s backs at the same time. Simon watched Wilhelm smile to himself, and he knew that they both felt at home here, in each other’s arms.