Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

He turned the vacuum cleaner off and surveyed his work. Looked over the newly cleaned house. He didn’t usually bother to decorate. Always alone for Christmas. His parents preferring to swan off to somewhere warm rather than stay in Hawkins. If he didn’t want to be alone he wound up somewhere else, usually Dustin’s. But he was happy to be here this year. 

It never made sense that his parents didn’t spend Hawkins at home. Of course, he’d been completely unaware of what he was missing out on when he was young and they took him with them. But once he was old enough to be left behind - at least by his parents standards, probably not by most people’s standards - he’d realised that Christmas wasn’t sunshine and sandy beaches and cocktails with breakfast. 

He’d always hated his house. The area of Hawkins they lived in. With homes far enough apart that you didn’t have to interact with your neighbours. It left him feeling more alone. That they didn’t even notice the fourteen year old boy fending for himself for weeks, sometimes months at a time. 

But this year, he’d been determined to see it differently. Uncovered long forgotten ladders in the garage and set to work in decorating the house from top to bottom. Sparkling lights wound round the tree and hung in the windows. Dripping from the roof like icicles and winding through the bushes by the drive. It had taken him a while to even find all the stuff. Was convinced for a second there that his parents didn’t even own Christmas decorations and he would have to go out and buy some. But he’d found them eventually, stuffed at the top back of the shelves in the basement, covered in a thick layer of dust. He realised that he’d probably been about ten the last time they’d seen the light of day and they were a little dated. A couple of sets of broken lights and some broken ornaments, but most of it was fine. It would do for what he needed them for. 

This year was different. His house went from cold to isolated to feeling like he was a kid in a christmas story. Looking like the front of a holiday card. And he felt sort of…proud. 

He put the vacuum cleaner in the closet and mentally checked it off the to-do list in his head. 

He’d taken his newfound Christmas spirit and decided to stretch it further. Decided to host a family dinner. Kids only. Not that he or any of the older members of their group were really kids anymore. But he wanted to do something. 

It was Christmas eve and nine months since they’d managed to kill Vecna and save Max and Eddie.

Just about. 

Both had been in their comas for a while. Almost three months. Both waking within days of each other. Eddie with his spleen and a portion of his large intestines removed and minus one nipple, which it turned out to be a weird point of pride for Eddie, showing it off whenever he could. And Max with the mammoth task of learning to walk ahead of her. That coupled with the fact that she was now partially blind meant that there had been a few accidents and setbacks as she’d pushed herself too hard, determined to regain her independence as quickly as possible and reluctant to accept any help for a while. 

Steve had been there when they’d woken up. Although he’d thought to himself every day that maybe he shouldn’t have been. Maybe things would be easier now if he hadn’t. 

They hadn’t quite reached the milestone of the longest time without incident, but they were getting close. And everyone was confident that it was finally over and done with. Everyone who had felt some connection to the Upside Down had long since felt that tether snap and Steve could breathe again for the first time in three years. And he was determined to celebrate that, even with the dark clouds that were still lingering. At least this time it seemed like pretty typical drama for a twenty-year old. A nice change from the constant threat of interdimensional monsters and death. 

He’d invited everyone other than the parents in the group. Hopper and Joyce had both told him it was fine that they weren’t included. That it gave them a chance to finish wrapping the presents and prepping for their enormous extended family Christmas dinner tomorrow and give them some long overdue alone time. Something they’d not been able to grab hold of since Joyce had bravely rescued him and they’d returned. It had been a long time coming for everyone that knew them, and given that the kids were already used to living together, and Hopper’s cabin had barely been big enough for him and El, it made sense for them to all find a place together. 

It fit. It really did. But Steve can’t imagine the whiplash they must have felt going from longing looks to one of them being dead, to rescue missions to instant family. Steve got a little dizzy just thinking about them. But if his family dinner could go a little ways to letting them catch up, then it was just another bonus really. 

Nancy and Robin had both returned from school for the holidays, having left in the fall as planned. Jonathan had stayed behind. Just in case. He and Jon had gotten closer in the past couple of months without the buffer of Nancy between them. The past well and true put back there. And Steve was glad of it. He wouldn’t have managed to get through the ret of the year without Jonathan’s friendship. 

Because he’d been so lonely when Robin left. Selfishly resented her a little for leaving whilst he was going through something, even though he knew she had to. It had taken a while to open up to Jonathan about everything but he was glad he did. Needed someone to talk to that wasn’t a fifteen year old. 

And, for reasons only obvious to those in the know, Eddie was out of the question. 

Eddie had stayed in Hawkins after his recovery, despite finally graduating high school. Not that they really know how given that he was absent for finals Steve suspected it probably had something to do with guilt over the fact that several of the teachers of Hawkins High had been calling for Eddie’s head on a platter back in March and felt pretty ashamed of themselves when the cover story Owen’s had provided hailed him a hero who almost single handedly defeated a serial killer and stopped him from killing four kids (Dustin had really hammed it up when people asked him for the story, emulating Eddie’s own theatricality). 

Anyway, the point was, Eddie was still around. The thing was that he didn’t spend time with Steve alone. Ever. Always needed the kids or Jonathan as a buffer. And they did little more than exchange pleasantries, much to Steve’s annoyance. 

Still, he supposed he only had himself to blame. 

Eddie was invited to dinner but Steve figured it would just be more of the same. If he even showed at all. Not after what he’d done.  

He looked at the clock and mentally cursed himself. People would be arriving soon and Steve wanted to make sure that the food was at least started before they did. 

He’d just managed to get the two chickens he’d prepped into the oven when the first knock sounded. Was only halfway there when Jonathan let himself in. Nancy, Mike and Lucas trailing behind him. 

Steve exchanged hugs with the older two and fist bumped Lucas. Mike just scowled like he was daring Steve to find out what would happen if he were to offer any greeting other than hello. 

Steve settled on a nod of his head and a “Wheeler.”

“Harrington,” Mike huffed in return. Steve rolled his eyes. The kid had a bigger attitude problem than Henderson. Both of them, far too full of arrogance. And coming from someone who used to bask in the status of being King Steve, that was probably saying a lot. 

“Can I help you with anything in the kitchen?” Nancy asked, smiling warmly and handing over a bottle of wine. 

“No. Not at all. Just relax. You’re a guest.” He smiled, gave her arm a gentle squeeze. 

“If you’re sure.” She smiled back and led the kids to the living room where they instantly started flicking through the channels to find something Christmassey to watch. 

It wasn’t long before the house was full. Steve opened the oven to check on the birds - both roasting nicely - before he checked over the rest. 

He smiled to himself as he listened to the noise filling the house. With his parents barely ever home, the place was too quiet too often. Steve hated the silence. He loved when his weird little makeshift family were filling the place. Even if his heart did ache a little at the fact that Eddie hadn’t shown. He still could, he supposed, but Steve didn’t think Eddie would be rude enough to show up just for the food and leave straight after, so he’d probably decided to avoid it all together. Never did turn up to anything held at Steve’s house if he could help it. Never gave a reason, even when Dustin hounded him and demanded an explanation. Eddie was just about stubborn enough to resist him. 

Still. He’d spent the last half hour watching the door, waiting for him to turn up in some Christmas miracle. Steve looked at his distorted reflection in the polished metal of the hood of the oven and told himself how pathetic he was. 

“Seriously. You need to move on,” he scolded his reflection, barely raising his voice above a whisper. 

“Steve?” He jumped. Could feel the flood of humiliation in his cheeks at being caught talking to himself. Turned to find Dustin leaning on the counter behind him. 

“Yeah?” He asked, sliding off the oven mitts and placing them on the counter next to the stove. Caught Dustin raising his eyebrow at the sight like he was amused, but he shook it off before Steve could comment. 

Beneath all of that he looked nervous, like maybe he’d done something. 

“What’s going on, Henderson? You break something?” He crossed his arms and waited for apologies to come over some lamp or vase he actually couldn’t give two shits about. And his parents were home so little they barely fucking noticed when something was missing or moved anyway. It had been four years since Tommy had spilled red wine on the sofa and his mom still hadn’t noticed. He’d just flipped the cushion and hoped for the best. Apparently the best in his mind being that his parents didn’t care. He knew better now though. 

“No! No, it’s not that, I promise.” He’d had some close calls over the years. They all had. Using Steve’s house like their own little nerd palace, running through still wet from the pool he never swam in anymore but couldn’t refuse the pleasure of to the kids. A few hip checks into tables and some rough housing that had nearly broken the coffee table but Steve had forgiven it all, even if he had lectured them immediately after. 

“What is it then?”

“I have your present but it’s kind of big, so I wondered if you would wait somewhere you won’t see us bring it in. Like your dad’s office maybe? I don’t want to ruin the surprise.”

Steve leaned his hip against the counter, crossing his arms over his chest with a sigh. 

“Dude, I’m going to see it anyway. What’s the big deal”

“Yeah, but we want to set it up for you. Please, Steve, don’t ruin this. We worked hard on it.”

Don’t ruin this . Dustin said it like Steve ruined everything. And if Dustin was being serious it was probably the meanest thing he could say. If he was playing it up to get Steve to agree…Then, what could Steve say. Kid knew him well. 

“Fine,” he huffed, eventually. Unfolding his arms and letting them drop to the side. His dad’s office was just across the hall from the living room. He usually avoided it at all costs, but couldn’t see this taking more than five or ten minutes so what the hell. He followed Dustin through the house. 

If he was smarter he would have questioned it more. If he was smarter he would have noticed the fact that everybody was watching as they walked through the living room. If he was smarter, he would have noticed that Dustin had pulled the key from his pocket and unlocked the door himself. 

But he wasn’t. He wasn’t smarter. He was still big, dumb, jock Steve Harrington. So he didn’t question anything. Stepped into the room and didn’t register that anything was unusual until he saw Eddie jump up from the floor in the corner, a furious scowl on his face. 

Steve turned to ask Dustin what was going on but he didn’t even have the chance to open his mouth before Dustin said, 

“Sorry, Steve. It’s for your own good.”

He slammed the door and locked it before Steve had his hand on the doorknob. 

“Welcome to the party, I guess.” 

He turned to look again. Eddie’s hair was more wild than usual, like he’d been running his fingers through it. It made unwelcome images flash in his mind. Not the time. 

His jaw ticked where he clenched it too tight and his nostrils flared. 

He looked wild.

Whatever was going on, Eddie Munson was not happy to be a part of it. 

81 days. 81 days Steve had flitted between one hospital room and another, barely leaving the hospital at all. Family video had sunk into the ground when the Upside Down had closed off forever, the severing of the two worlds resulting in an earthquake. His parents had left word that there was no way they were returning to “that hellhole of a town” until everything was repaired, taking off on a last minute cruise before stopping for an extended stay in Chicago to schmooze with his dad’s business acquaintances. 

So there wasn’t really anything to leave for. And there was everything to stay for. 

Max and Eddie were here. They needed him. 

Max less. When her mom couldn’t be here, Lucas was. Eddie didn’t have many people that could stay by his side. Wayne had no choice but to work. The government had made promises but they were yet to deliver and so Wayne was having to pay to stay in a motel whilst he waited for them to provide a new home, given that they’d hauled the last one away. 

So Steve stayed. Left only to shower and change every few days. Usually when someone pointed out that he desperately needed to. He stayed and watched Eddie. Waited for him to wake up. Read The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings out loud hoping the shock of it would be enough to rouse him. He thought of everything he wanted to say. Everything he should have said. Everything he was too scared to admit out loud. Even now. 

“Steve.” Robin rested her hand on his shoulder as she took up the seat next to him. The one he took when Wayne was here. “You need to go home. You need to sleep in a bed and not a plastic chair. You look and smell like shit.”

“Thanks, Robs. I love you too.” He didn’t bother to look at her. Knew by heart what the look on her face would be. Concern. Confusion. Nobody got it. Why he waited here. Why he was so adamant about staying. And it was his fault. He hadn’t told them. Any of them. Not even Robin. Which he felt guilty about sometimes. She’d confessed her deepest secret to him on that disgusting bathroom floor and he didn’t have the courage to tell her that it was okay and that he knew exactly how she felt because he liked boys. He liked girls too. Loved them. And it had taken him a long time to accept that it was okay to like both. That it had to be a thing because it’s what he was. Eventually, at a time he was feeling brave enough to research it outside the Hawkins city limits, he’d learned it had a name. Bisexual. That was Steve. Bisexual. But they didn’t know and so they didn’t understand. Didn’t get that Eddie had taken root in him the moment he’d held that glass bottle to his throat. That his whole flirtation with Nancy was Steve’s desperate and subconscious effort to try and take his mind off the wild haired metal head that had begun to consume his every thought. They didn’t know that Steve had spent every day of the last eighty-one days regretting the fact that he’d let it happen. 

Because Steve wasn’t stupid. Despite what everyone thought. Steve had done his research, remember. He knew enough to know that the bandana in Eddie’s back pocket was the way Eddie sought out people like him. People like Steve. People who knew what it meant and wanted the same thing. 

He hadn’t been brave enough to check out the colour code, but he knew enough to know when someone was flagging. Had developed enough of a gaydar living in fear in Buttfuck Nowhere, Indiana to keep himself safe. 

Not that he’d ever done anything beyond kiss a few guys in the dark shadows at the side of garages at high school parties. 

But Eddie had flirted. He’d gotten jealous of his flirting with Nancy. Or rather, of Nancy slipping up and flirting back. He’d thrown his jacket at Steve’s head. Leaned in and called him big boy. He’d brushed against him at every opportunity. And Steve could only hope that it meant what he really wished it meant. That Eddie liked him back. That Steve had just as much of an effect on him as he had on Steve. 

So he needed to be here. Needed to see it through. No matter what. Because if he let reality slip back in he might lose his nerve. And for once, he really didn’t want to. He wanted to know. He wanted something real. 

“You know what I mean. I’m telling you this because I love you. I’m worried about you.” Steve knew that. He did. But he couldn’t leave. And he couldn’t tell her why. He didn’t know what was keeping him from doing it. Why he couldn’t just tell her. It had been hard to accept and maybe he wasn’t all the way there yet. Whatever it was. He just couldn’t. “You barely knew the guy, Steve. Do you feel guilty? Is that it? Because you don’t have to. This isn’t your fault. It isn’t Eddie’s either. Every single one of us did what we thought was right.”

And that’s something that Steve can’t understand either. Dustin had told him his version of events. Told him about Eddie cutting the rope and running out into the swarm of bats to buy more time. But Steve had told him not to be a hero and Eddie had assured him he wasn’t. Told Steve to make him pay. Told Steve like he knew it was Steve’s job and not his to put himself in danger. So he couldn’t understand why he would sacrifice himself like that. Why he would take on those bats after seeing what they’d done to Steve and that was just a few minutes with three people fighting them off and far, far fewer bats. Eddie had taken on a swarm at least ten times the size, all by himself. And Steve needed to know why. 

“I know that, Rob. But he deserves someone here when he wakes up. So I’m staying.”

“But it could be any of us, Steve. Just, let someone else-”

“No.” He’d snapped. He didn’t mean to. Shook his head and pushed his fingers into his hair as he took a deep breath and let it out long and slow. “Sorry. I’m sorry, Robin. Just. Please. Trust me. I need to be here.”

“Okay. Okay.” She rubbed small circles on his back, squeezed his shoulder. “Then do you mind if I keep you company for a bit.”

He couldn’t respond. Was trying too hard to swallow the sob threatening to tear from his throat. Stop the tears stinging his eyes from rolling down his cheek. So he just nodded and grabbed her hand. Let himself feel her comfort as she squeezed it back. 

On day eighty-three Steve thought he’d seen Eddie’s eyes open. But it turned out to be a false alarm. Just a twitch the nurse had said. It didn’t mean anything. He would wake when he was ready. Like Steve wasn’t painfully aware of that fact. 

On day eighty-five, Steve had felt Eddie palm squeeze his own. 

“I don’t know,” the nurse had said when he still didn’t open his eyes. “Could be that he’s coming around. Could just be a reflex.”

Steve prayed to a god he wasn’t sure he believed in anymore for it to be the first thing. Because Steve wasn’t sure how much more ‘reflexes’ he could take before his heart gave out. 

On day eighty-seven Steve was dragged from the hospital by Hopper to go home and shower and get a proper night's sleep. Steve had argued that he couldn’t because Eddie might wake up any minute and Wayne was at work. Hopper had promised to stay but he didn’t get it. It had to be Steve. Steve had to be there. Had to have a second with Eddie alone once he woke up. Before the world came rushing in and he lost his chance and more importantly his nerve. 

But Hopper didn’t give him a choice. Forced him into Joyce’s car and had her drive him home. Threatened to lock him in his cabin if he didn’t follow his orders. 

So Steve left. He showered. He slept. 

Well. Slept was putting it strongly. He closed his eyes as he lay in bed and re-lived every nightmare moment of that week 3 months ago. 

But in the end, Steve was sort of grateful that Hopper had done it. Made him shower and put on clean clothes. 

Because then came day eighty-eight. 

Steve was sitting in his usual chair, pulled close to Eddie’s bedside so he could rest his elbows and watch for any sign of movement. So he could lean close and memories every inch of Eddie’s face. As weird as that may be. Steve didn’t think about it too hard. 

But he was leaning back. Reading aloud from The Return of the King. Had reached the Battle of Morannon, sort of stupidly impressed that he was on his forth book in three months. It was easier without pressure. Didn’t matter if he stumbled over words - and given that the books seemed to contain more words that Steve had never seen before than had, it amounted to quite a lot. And he found that without it being forced on him. Without anybody listening or expecting him to finish it within a certain time, he actually enjoyed reading. 

“Steve?” 

It was a croak. Barely a noise at all. But it sent Steve into action mode immediately. Book forgotten about and clattering to the floor, losing his page, and he was leaning over Eddie, watching as he peeled his eyes open slowly, blinking and scrunching them against the light. 

“Eddie? Eddie? Oh my god. Are you awake?”

“Yeah. Miss me.”

And fuck. He couldn’t help it. Wasn’t a freight train in the world that could have stopped Steve from pressing his lips, wet with tears, against Eddie’s in that moment. His hands pressed against the sides of his face, careful to avoid the still red and tender bite on his jaw. Let his fingers graze against the soft roots of Eddie’s hair. 

It took him a second. A full second to realise that Eddie wasn’t kissing him back. In fact he wasn’t moving at all. Hands still by his side. 

Steve leaned back slowly. Like snails pace slowly. Afraid that anything quicker might startle Eddie. Because, shit. He’d got this wrong. He’d got this so wrong. So full of blind fucking infatuation that he hadn’t thought about the fact that maybe Eddie’s bandana was just a bandana. That, maybe, his flirting was just part of Eddie’s eccentric nature and he wasn’t actually flirting at all. 

Steve had had three months to build this up in his head and in three seconds he’d ruined it all. 

Finally, he leaned back far enough to see Eddie’s face. Eyes wide and full of what Steve thought was probably fear. His stomach dropped through the floor at the sight of it. 

“Sorry,” Steve pushed himself back. Kept going until he hit the wall and didn’t stop moving as he edged himself around the room, “I’m sorry, Eddie. I didn’t mean- I didn’t think - I don’t know why - I’m sorry. Shit. I’m sorry. I’ll just-” 

He didn’t finish his sentence before he was pulling open the door and running down the hall. 

He didn’t go back. Skipped Eddie’s floor when he went to visit Max. 

Robin had asked him once and only once why the sudden change. He’d told her that if she loved him like she said she did, she’d leave it alone. And maybe it was cruel. Maybe it was manipulative and reminiscent of the Steve he thought he’d left behind. But it worked. 

Eddie had been discharged a week later. Steve didn’t visit. Eddie didn’t call. Dustin didn’t ask. 

Summer heat hit full force and Robin’s birthday had rolled around. She held a party and Eddie showed. Steve tried to summon the courage to talk to him. Apologise for completely misunderstanding the situation. Had given himself a pep-talk in Robin's bedroom mirror. But Eddie had avoided him. Always found someone to talk to when Steve moved closer. Always stepped away. Never let himself be alone with Steve. Probably scared Steve would try and kiss him again. 

A few weeks later, in Steve’s bed when neither of them could sleep, Robin told him she’d come out to Eddie. Steve had held his breath as she’d told him how it went down. That he’d figured it out. Asked what the deal with her and Vickie was. That he was cool with it. 

Steve had never been more confused. Figured maybe Eddie was just cool with girls. It was less of a threat when it was girls. Some guys even thought the idea of two girls together was hot. It was different when it was guys. He just hadn’t thought Eddie would be the kind of person to have an issue with it. Especially when a couple of months ago Steve thought Eddie had been into guys himself.

Eventually, he’d given up trying. Resigned himself to the fact that this crush was completely one-sided and that Eddie didn’t want anything to do with him. That they would be people who had mutual friends and nothing more. 

It didn’t make it go away though. He still saw how good Eddie was. How gentle and patient he was with the kids. How he made the others laugh. Used his silly, joking nature to cheer them up after nightmares and flashbacks. On days when Max struggled, he made her rehab fun. He heard no end of tales of late night walkie talkie pep talks when the kids were scared. Drove Robin and the kids when Steve was busy working his new job at the barbers. 

But those feelings were left without a home. Without a place to go. And so they just kept growing inside of him. 

It had hurt but he’d had to accept it. 

Steve had spent months wanting the opportunity to be alone with Eddie. And here they were. Locked in a room together. With no chance of escape apparently. But this wasn’t right. 

He had accepted it. Eddie didn’t want to talk. He didn’t want to be Steve’s anything. Friend or otherwise. He got it. Everyone else should get it too. 

It wasn’t right. It wasn’t fair. Not to Eddie. Fuck. He was finally in Steve’s house and this is how it had gone down. Steve wouldn’t be surprised if it was the last time he ever saw him. He had to fix it. Quickly. 

He banged on the door, ignoring the huffs coming from the other side of the room. 

“Dustin. Let me the fuck out, right now.”

“Woah, Harrington. Way to talk to your kid. You kiss your mother with that mouth?” 

Ignore him , he told himself. Jaw aching from the strength with which he gritted his teeth. He’s just mad. I don’t blame him. 

“Dustin, seriously. The food.”

“Nancy’s got it handled.” The voice was muffled but Steve would know his best friend’s voice anywhere. 

“Robin? What the fuck is going on?” 

“We’re sick of it. That’s what.” Dustin called through the door. 

“Exactly. And we all agreed. You two need to sort your shit out. And since you won’t take it upon yourselves to do it, we’ve had to step in. You can come out when you’ve sorted whatever the hell it is you two have to sort out. Okay?” 

He knew it was pointless arguing anymore. Could hear their footsteps retreating further and further away. 

He dropped his head to the door with a loud thud. 

“Guess we better settle in.” Steve spun round to find Eddie sitting at his dad’s desk, feet up and twirling a pen around his fingers. “I think we’re going to be here a while.”

“When did you even get here, Munson?”  Steve asked as he walked over to the long black leather sofa that rested against the far wall. 

“‘Bout a half hour ago, Stevie. I’m assuming Dustin pulled the same trick on you. Christmas present?”

Steve rolled his eyes and nodded, bristling a little at the nickname. Because in other circumstances, in the circumstances of Steve’s vivid fantasies, he would have preened to hear it said with affection. But it was said with anything but. Sarcasm, disdain. It hit like a fucking bullet. 

It hurt.

“I’m gonna kill him this time. Actually murder him.” He dropped his head to his hands, elbows rested on his knees and breathed deeply. 

“Yeah? Get in line.”

And that was it. No more talking. Would have been complete silence if it weren’t for the small but increasingly annoying squeak from the office chair as Eddie spun in circles. 

Steve rolled his neck. So full of fucking rage he felt like he was going to punch a whole in the wall. Why was this happening. Why couldn’t people just leave well enough alone. He and Eddie were fine. Just because they were both part of this weird little family forged and bonded in the depths of some deeply traumatic shit, it didn’t mean they had to be besties or anything. It clearly wasn’t what Eddie wanted and Steve had already fucked up any chance they had at it. 

It had just broached the border from awkward into normal. Why was he friends with such meddling little shits. 

It wasn’t going to achieve anything. Steve knew that. Eddie had made it perfectly clear how he felt about Steve when he’d avoided him like the plague after he woke up and Steve had done what he’d done. He cringed at the thought of it. So swept up in relief he had let his heart overtake his head, as he usually did. He’d spent months imagining this fantasy in his head of Eddie feeling the same. Had spent those months falling further and further into his feelings for the older boy that he’d forgotten that he didn’t actually know if Eddie liked him. Had just reached his own conclusion and enshrined it in his mind as reality when it apparently couldn’t have been further from the truth. 

Steve had spent the last twenty minutes watching the seconds hand on the clock above the door tick round and round, over and over, quickly growing bored of Eddie’s silence. Lay with his legs stretched across the couch, head rested on the arm and hands crossed on his stomach like he was stuck in some hellish therapy session where nobody talked. He sniffed the air discreetly, trying to check if anything was burning. He’d worked hard to pull this dinner together and this is how they repaid him. Some friends they were. 

Eddie had taken to scouring the shelves, fingers stroking over spines, pulling out random books and turning them over in his hands before putting them back. He’d almost made it the entire length of the bookcase that took up the entirety of the back wall. His hand paused and Steve heard his breath hitch as he slowly removed a book from the shelf, slowly and more carefully than he had with other books. Steve craned his head to see what it was that had caused the reaction. Let his head snap back to the ceiling as he saw the family copy of The Return Of The King clasped tightly in Eddie’s ringed fingers. 

“Why were you there?”

It was soft. Barely there at all. But he heard it. Sometimes he thought he’d hear Eddie no matter the volume and no matter where he was. Steve would hear. Had become so hyper aware of every movement, if only to not be hurt when Eddie suddenly moved away. Steve had learned to sense the smallest movement so he could tell what was coming next. 

He swallowed around the lump in his throat and squeezed his eyes shut, terrified his voice wasn’t going to work. 

“Where?” 

“The hospital. Why were you in my room? Why you ? When I woke up. Why was it you ?” 

At this point, Steve wasn’t even sure how he was still breathing. Every slight from Eddie had felt like a slice against his skin. But this time he was really driving the knife in deep, twisting the blade to ensure he would bleed out. 

He sat up, tucked his feet as close to his thighs as he could as he crossed them and hugged his knees close. Still faced away. Didn’t think he could have this conversation face to face. 

“So sorry, Eddie. I didn’t think my presence there would have offended you so much or I wouldn’t have been.”

He turned his head enough to see Eddie slide down the wall, hands still wrapped around the book. Gripping it tight enough to turn his knuckles white and crease the cover. 

“That’s not what I meant, Steve.” He waited. Waited for Eddie to elaborate but the guy just hung his head. Let the curtain of crazy curls cover his face. 

“Yeah? Then what did you mean?” He turned. Dropped his feet to the floor and rested his elbows on his spread knees. Leant forward, eager to hear the answer. 

“You were reading this.” He held up the book. It wasn’t a question. He already knew it was the truth. But Steve answered anyway. 

“I was.”

“I don’t understand, Steve. I’ve spent the last six months trying to figure it out. Because everyone said you barely left. And Max, you know, I get it. But what the hell was Steve Harrington doing sitting vigil by the bedside of little ol’ me, huh? Sorry, Stevie, but that defies everything I know about this world.”

“Yeah, your Munson doctrine or whatever. I remember.” His foot bounced. He was getting antsy. 

So, true, maybe his friends thought he was stupid or whatever. He wasn’t. Sure he wasn’t booksmart but one thing he was good at was knowing where a conversation was going and it had been so long. He’d built this up so much in his head that there were a million possible outcomes. But Eddie was finally giving him the space to explain what had happened in that hospital room and Steve would be damned if he wasn’t going to grab it with both hands. 

“Steve. Seriously. Max I get. Not me. I know we went through some shit down there. I saved your life, you saved mine. You don’t owe me anything.”

Steve’s eyes narrowed at the same moment his leg stilled. 

“You think I kissed you because I was under the impression I owed you something?”

Eddie’s head snapped towards him, brown eyes locking on to him. Wide like he was so completely shocked by the fact that Steve was even acknowledging the kiss. He took a couple of deep breaths and Steve let him because he really, really wanted to hear his answer. 

“Not exactly.”

“Then what, Eddie? What explanation have you managed to come up with without actually talking to me about it, huh? Without asking me? Please, share, I’d love to know.”

And yeah, maybe he shouldn’t have been so angry about it, maybe he shouldn’t have raised his voice but he couldn’t help it because he was so tired of people deciding things for him. He’d dealt with it his entire life and this was one choice he didn’t want in anybody else’s hands. 

But Eddie looked like he might cry. 

“I don’t know, Steve. I don’t know why you did it. I figured you just thought I was going to die and you weren’t really thinking at all. I thought it was just, you know, um, I’m happy you didn’t die.”

“Oh fuck you.” Shit. He’d snapped. Was on his feet in seconds and making his way across the room as Eddie scrambled to his feet, still pressed against the wall. Looked scared, like he thought Steve was going to punch him, and given the emotions coursing through him and the fists clenched at his sides, he sort of didn’t blame him. But his fists were balled to keep them still. To keep them from grabbing Eddie, kissing him again and asking “And what about that one, Munson?”

No. He didn’t do anything. Just got a little too close and continued his rant. 

“Of course that’s why I kissed you.” Eddie lifted his arms like he’d been vindicated somehow but Steve didn’t give him a chance to comment. “That doesn’t mean I didn’t mean it. Because I did. I do. I like you, Eddie. Although right now I’m having a hard time remembering why exactly. But I do. Have done since we met and you held that goddamn bottle to my neck.”

“But - but you’re. You’re not gay.” Eddie stammered. And there it was. Another person telling him what he was. What he should be. 

Eddie pressed himself against the wall, like he could sink into it if he pushed hard enough, flushed from his neck up as Steve hovered in his personal space. He couldn’t help but laugh in his head at how the tables had turned. He took a step back. The fiery anger seeping out of him at the bewildered look on his face. 

“I know I'm not. I’m bisexual. I like girls and I like guys.”

He couldn’t help but revel in the flash of shock in Eddie’s eyes. It was that kind of thing that had him on the verge of telling his parents. Just to see the look on their face. Often thought it would be sort of worth getting kicked out and cut off. To just march in front of the sofa on one of the rare occasions they were around and just tell them. Just to get something - anything - from them. 

“But Robin said you were straight. She told me about her and I asked about you and she said you were straight as they come”

He mentally added Robin to his kill list. Because she hadn’t told him that she and Eddie had talked about him. It might have been useful to know Eddie actually cared enough to discuss him. Might have made Steve feel like he should have carried on trying to get through to him. Maybe they could have had this conversation months ago and they’d both know where they stood already. Because why would Eddie hear about Robin’s sexuality and immediately wonder about Steve?

“Yeah, Eds, that’s because she doesn’t know. I don’t owe my sexuality to anyone. Just because she came out to me, doesn’t mean I was ready to come out to her. But I’ve known I liked guys since I was fifteen years old and I watched Harrison Ford wield a whip and my first thought was fuck me that’s hot .” Eddie’s lips quirked as his eyes continued to scan Steve’s face and he couldn’t help the tiny bit of pride he felt at making Eddie laugh. Even a little. “So don’t. Okay? Don’t try to tell me or decide who I do and do not like. Because I like you. That’s why I kissed you. And it’s fine if you don’t feel the same. I get i-”

He was cut off by Eddie’s hands grabbing his face and pulling him in, quickly switching their positions until Steve was against the wall and Eddie’s lips were crashing down on his. 

It was nothing like before. Nothing gentle or soft about it and Eddie was kissing him. 

Steve didn’t let himself think about it too much. Had waited and wanted for so long, he wasn’t going to be stupid and question anything. He just responded with the same fervent desperation Eddie gave him. His tongue breaching Steve’s lips and licking behind his teeth. It was rough and dirty and the stuff of Steve’s late night fantasies. Eddie’s long fingers pushed back into Steve’s hair and it was all the permission Steve needed to touch. Raised his hands from where they’d been pressed against the wall bracing himself. Moved them to Eddie’s hips, sliding them around until his palms were full of Eddie’s shirt. 

Eddie pressed his hips against Steve’s, knee sliding between his legs and Steve couldn’t hold back the moan on his lips. 

Eddie’s lips left his, his chest heaving with panting breaths as he placed one hand on the wall and leaned over him. Steve doesn’t know when he’d started sliding down the wall but having Eddie loom over him like this was doing it for him. Eddie’s head hung low, eyes scrunched and Steve tried his hardest to keep his thoughts on the inside. To stop his mouth from running and ruining the moment. 

Turns out he didn’t need to worry, Less than a second later and Eddie was giggling into his neck. 

“Seriously? Is something funny?” Steve asked, still catching his breath and taking his hands off Eddie to throw them into the air, but that only served to make Eddie laugh harder, his fingers clutching Steve’s shirt and stretching the fabric. 

“Are you shitting me?” He lifted his head, eyes still scrunched in amusement, a single tear slipping out of the edge of one of them. “I just made out with Steve Harrington. Steve Harrington. Who just told me he likes me? And isn’t freaking out about that fact? I’m starting to think I’m still in a coma and this is all just some crazy fever dream.” 

Somewhere in his little speech he’d stopped laughing. Now he was just staring. Eyes wide with confusion and disbelief, palms resting flat on the planes of Steve’s chest. 

“Eds.” It was barely more than a whisper as Steve lifted his hand to rest on Eddie’s faces, thumb stroking against the sharp just of his cheekbone, little finger tucked slightly beneath his jaw. 

It was one word. A single word. Not even a full one. But Steve squeezed every ounce of what he’d been feeling into it, caked it in honesty and fed it to Eddie as sincerely as he could. And it was enough.

Eddie was pulling Steve from the wall and leading him away, walking backwards and eyes never leaving Steve’s. He knew instantly where they were going. Followed Eddie like a desperate puppy. Would follow him anywhere. It was seconds - just a few - until the back of Eddie’s legs were hitting the couch and he was dropping down pulling Steve with him until he was straddling his hips. 

Eddie’s fingers stroked up Steve into his hair, tugged a little, making Steve’s jaw drop on a groan. 

“Tell me this is real.” Eddie’s other hand gripped Steve’s hip hard enough to bruise. Marks that Steve would treasure - already wanted to ink them over, make them permanent, add the words Eddie Munson was here and wouldn’t care who saw. 

“It’s real.”

“You like me.” He used that solid grip to pull Steve’s hips forward to meet his own thrust, grinding Steve down on the solid length beneath Eddie’s jeans. 

“Fuck. Yes. So much.” Steve would have dropped his head back with a moan as Eddie pushed up against his ass again but it was quickly cut off by Eddie flipping them until Steve was lay beneath him, pushed deep into the well preserved leather and he’d be lying if the idea of Eddie fucking him on his dad’s couch didn’t turn him on a little more. 

He should probably take a closer look at that but he was far too distracted by Eddie’s mouth, tongue fucking deep into Steve’s, teeth grazing at his lips. Too distracted by the noises Eddie made as he devoured him. Too distracted by the way it feel to bracket Eddie’s hips with his thighs after months of fantasising about it. Far too distracted by Eddie’s long and slender fingers working hard to pull apart the buttons on Steve’s jeans. 

Distracted enough that neither of them heard footsteps approaching, or smelt the definitely cooked chicken wafting through the house. Neither of them noticed the click of the lock or the door opening. 

“Well, this went better than expected.” Their heads snapped in unison to the sound of Robin’s voice. Head floating in the crack between the door and its frame. 

Eddie leapt off Steve in a second and Steve scrambled to sit and fasten the two buttons Eddie had managed to undo so far. 

“Seriously guys, we told you to make friends, not babies.” She cackled at her own joke, “Get yourselves decent. Dinner’s ready.”

She winked at them both and shut the door behind her. 

Steve swallowed around the lump forming in his throat. A ball of stress and fear that Eddie was freaking out about what had just happened. It took him a second to find the courage to look at him. As his head turned he caught sight of Eddie doing the same, meeting wide and panicked eyes and he was ready to sprint. 

Until Eddie’s shoulders dropped and a laugh burst out of him. All sense of dread melted away instantly as Eddie stood, holding his hand out to Steve. 

“Come on, sweetheart. Food’s calling.”

Steve took his hand and let himself be pulled up. Let Eddie keep hold as they walked to the door and forgave them both the pause they took to kiss once more before they walked back out into the fray. 

Into the chaos of family passing food around the table as Steve took the seat at the head and Eddie took the vacant seat to his right opposite Robin on his left. Robin kicked his ankle and shot him a look of we are definitely talking about this later . Felt Eddie’s hand squeeze his knee under the table and saw him shoot a look of we’re definitely picking up where we left off later . Steve - in the middle - was looking forward to both laters. Was eager and excited to find out what was coming. Felt like…

Like he finally understood what Christmas eve was supposed to feel like.