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Chapter Text

Karma stared at the very old building with serious doubts in his mind about its safety. It was two stories tall with dank wooden walls and a roof made of at least 6 different coloured tiles. Clearly it had been fixed cheaply and repeatedly. He decided it was probably best to not breath too hard once he got close. The day was grey and made darker by the tall trees surrounding the clearing. Several faces peered out him through the narrow windows. A man and two boys stood at the doorway. The man was tall, with thick black hair and a stern look on his face. It would be so fun to break him.

“Welcome to the classroom.” The man said. “My name is Karasuma. This is Isogai and Sugino.

“Whatever.” He rolled his eyes and stuck his hands in his pockets. “Where do I sit? I need a nap.”

“First, they’ll give you a tour of the premises. Good luck.” He turned to the boys. “Don’t traumatise him on his first day.”

The boy who was probably Sugino looked him up and down. “He’ll be fine. Look at him! I’m sure he can handle himself. Lets go.”

Karma approached as slowly as he could without making himself look stupid. He smirked at the annoyance on Sugino’s face for making him wait.

“I don’t think you need to worry Karasuma.” He snapped at a red sweatband on his wrist. “This guy looks like an easy target to be honest.”

Sugino kicked him in the shin. Hard. Karma stifled a wince.

“Aww, did I make you mad? Don’t be sulky. You’re supposed to give me a tour!”

Karasuma rolled is eyes and flapped his hands at them until they went into the building. Inside there was a very old, bare but spotless hallway.

“We could take your bags if you’d like.” Offred Isogai. “It must have been tiring carrying them up that mountain.”

Karma instinctively clutched his two duffel bags tighter. Did this guy take him for a fool? Like hell he’d just hand over his positions to some random person in the literal delinquents building.

“I’m not an idiot.” He said flatly. “Start walking.”

Isogai nodded and led him down the hallway to a dark closed off stairwell. The second he stepped inside the door swung shut behind him. Isogai and Sugino blocked the way upwards.

“What’s this? A robbery?” Karma laughed. “Do you think I couldn’t take the two of you?”

An icy cold hand touched his back and he turned so fast his head spun. He was met with wide glassy blue eyes set in a perfect dolls face. Long curls tumbled down past it’s shoulders. The small pink mouth curled into a smile.

“It’s nice to meet you Karma.” One small cold hand touched his face. It was gentle until the small fingers flexed, digging nails into his cheek. Thin drops of blood welled up and stained its fingernails. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t move. Something icy cold was leaking into his chest and holding him captive. Nagisa leaned closer. He almost forgot about the two behind him, blocking any escape route.

“I so look forward to getting to know you. You’ll let me, right? You’ll let me find out everything I want to know?”

“Nagisa.”

He smiled wider. “You know me? Already? Should I feel honoured?”

He’d been warned about Nagisa. Not in any official capacity. Just by the student assigned to lead him to the bottom of the mountain.

“Good luck.” The D-Student had sneered down his nose at him. Karma barley restrained himself from caving his face in.

“Just follow the path up. Look for a crumbly rat invested shack, and you’re there. If you somehow miss it just listen for the tortured screams. Easy.”

He’d turned to go but paused and turned back.

“Hey.” He shifted uncomfortably for a moment. “Just… there’s this kid up there. Nagisa. Be careful around him. Don’t touch his hair.”

“What?” Karma envisioned a 6 foot tall psychopath with a dodgy mullet ready to rip his head off his shoulders. It could be interesting to break him. Something to pass the time in this hell hole at least.

“He shouldn’t even be in this school but the principle took him on as a sort of charity case. He did all sorts of things before he came here. I heard he burned down a shop, one of those fancy boutiques. And he totally kills animals. We find the bones every so often, when we are on garden duty. Last year 4 guys went up there on Halloween to egg the place. He found us before we started.”

He swallowed.

“They had to call a helicopter to airlift them to the hospital. They were out of school for months.”

Karma had laughed in his face and started the climb.

“Just wait.” He called over his shoulder. “You haven’t seen anything yet.”

Karma has assumed the majority of that was exaggeration. Still, rumours generally had a bit of truth in them.

But this guy?

He had to fully look down. He had half a foot on him. He shook off whatever weird unease had trapped him. Karma shoved him hard in the chest. Nagisa dropped his hand but otherwise didn’t move. It was like pushing a wall. Karma slouched back to put some distance between them.

“I’ve heard of you, but I’m not worried. What’s a psychotic midget like you going to do? Give me another cat scratch?” He ignored the gentle tickle of drying blood on his face.

“I’m bored. Where are we going?”

Isogai beckoned him upwards.

“Don’t mind Nagisa.” Said Sugino. “He’s just not used to new people. Give him something sweet and he’ll leave you alone.”

Nagisa poked him in the back hard enough to make Sugino yelp. Isogai gave Nagisa a stern look. Nagisa smiled back sweetly, but agreeably kept a four step distance between himself and the group. He kept a distance once they reached the top of the stairs to another hallway.

“These are the bedrooms. Girls on the right boys on the left. You’ll be number 4. I’m in here too” Isogai led him through a door to a room with 2 sets of bunkbeds. At the head of each bunk were shelves built into the wall.

“You have the left bottom bunk. Your uniform and P.E gear are already there. You can get changed now; we’re supposed to wear it Monday to Friday. If you spend the weekends here, you can wear your own cloths.”

“Four to a room? What is this place.”

Sugino looked affronted. “We get it, you’re used to a big fancy house with maids to wait on you. We all heard about you.”

“No Sugino!” Nagisa leaned close and stared to loudly stage whisper. “He’s too scared to be surrounded by people all the time! He’s so used to being all by his lonesome since Mummy and Daddy don’t love him enough to stay!”

Karma dropped his bags and swung at his face. Nagisa ducked so his fist just hit the door frame. He flexed his sore knuckles and prepared to swing again. Isogai stood in front of Nagsia, holding his arms up.

“Let’s calm down. Ngaisa that was a horrible thing to say.”

“It’s true though. I read his file.”

Karma knocked Isoagi over and leapt at him. Nagisa vanished under a bed. The space was too small for Karma to reach far enough to grab him.

“How the fuck do you fit under there?” Nagisa’s laughter was the only answer.

“Sorry.” Said Isogai. “I’ll talk to him. He’s not supposed to be going through the files in the teachers’ lounge.” He fished Nagisa out from under the bed and lead him out, one hand holding his arm tightly. “You can get changed. When you are done we can finish the tour.”

Karma kicked his bunk bed a few times until he calmed down enough to get changed. The uniform blazer was hideous, so he kept on his soft black cardigan.

Only Sugino and Isoagi were waiting in the hall. They didn’t comment on the edits to his uniform.

“Where’s the midget?”

“Isogai is making him stay in his room and reflect on his actions.”

Karma didn’t get a chance to ask how Isogai made Nagisa do anything they were being whisked around to the bathrooms, showers and common room upstairs, as well as the classrooms and canteens downstairs. All were dilapidated but surprisingly clean. The canteen was bursting with students crowding around several long tables. They dragged him around introducing him to people. Karma didn’t put in an effort to remember anyone, but his brain retained some knowledge against his will. He was sat down beside Isogai as Sugino abandoned them, sitting at another table. Two students dragged out massive bowls of chicken soup and stared serving it. It smelled good enough for Karma to try it, despite his mistrust of the kitchen in this building.

Nagisa ran in just intime to claim a plate and sat at Sugino’s table. He ignored Karma completely and started speaking to a green haired girl called Kayano. He pushed the food around his plate and snuck most of it to Kayano and Sugino. Karma didn’t care why. He filtered out the talking around him and tried to picture himself back home with his comics and Tv and bed.

After the meal he was confronted with Isogai, flanked by two boys.

“Your other roommates; Maehara and Terasaka.

“I preferred when we had two spare beds. Just us.” Maehara wined good naturedly. “I liked our privacy. Terasaka doesn’t count as a roommate, he’s almost never there. He hangs out with Muramatsu’s room.”

 Terasaka was large. But he looked easy so Karma didn’t worry.

The room was less crowded now, but a few people were still talking. Nagisa, Sugino and Kayano hung back at their table and watched them curiously.

“You met Nagisa earlier?” asked Maehara. “What did you think? Is that what happened to your face?” Karma reached up to touch the shallow scratches. He’d almost forgotten.

“Well? First impressions? First thoughts?”

Terasaka laughed to himself. “I thought he was a girl when I met him. It’s the hair.”

Everyone stepped away from him sharply. Karma copied, confused until Nagisa came hurtling forward and threw himself on Terasaka. He knocked him over and punched him till his head flopped back. He wrapped his hands around Terasaka’s neck and squeezed so hard Terasaka’s face turned purple.

“Fuck! Isogai!” yelled Sugino as he, Maehara and Isogai ran and prised Nagisa off him. Isoagi and Sugino dragged Nagisa out. Kayano followed, screaming with laughter.

Marahara dragged Terasaka upright.

“Why do you always do this? We do not say those things when Nagisa can hear us. It’s a whole thing. It’s written on the teacher’s lounge wall and everything.”

Karma awkwardly inched around them as Maehara slapped Terasaka’s face to keep him conscious.

“I’m going to bed early.” He announced to the room in general. The room in general ignored him so he climbed the stairs alone.

In the upstairs hallway he met Karasuma.

“Still alive? Good. Don’t go into room 9, Nagisa’s sulking.”

“I can handle Nagisa.”

“Yes, well I can’t handle another night of being woken up by screaming. Just go to bed.”

The statement was just ominous enough to make Karma shut up and obey for once.

He changed and slid into his narrow bunkbed. He already hated this place.

Chapter Text

Nagisa’s feet don’t quite touch the floor. For some reason this makes him laugh. He swings his legs slightly, the sting of pins and needles shooting up his calves. Delicious. He leans his head back against the wall. It’s made of  cold cement, it feels good. His skin is warm and tacky with sweat. He’s been here for hours already. The usual sore hungry feeling is getting harder to push down. The metal table in front of him is uncomfortably hot. He would like to press his left hand against the wall to cool it down, but it was handcuffed tight to the table. His skin itches under the bandage.

 He can taste smoke in the back of his throat. Its so sour. He licks his lips, finding the remnants of ashes. It was so funny. They gave him bandages and antiseptic, but no water. Was that legal? They would probably bring some if he asked. Then again, he’s not exactly in a favourable position right now. That policeman he bit definitely didn’t like him, which was fair.

The door opened and a female detective came in. He’s heard of this tactic. People tend to implicitly trust females quicker than men in unfamiliar or threatening situations. He feels himself tense involuntarily when she sits opposite him. He was among the exceptions to that rule.

“Hello Nagisa. Is your hand alright?”

He nodded, clenching it protectively. The fresh burns sting.

“Do you understand what is happening?”

“I burnt down a shop, I resisted arrest, I’m going to jail. I can wait for any trial in a detention centre if there’s any confusion about that. I’ll burn something else if you consider letting me go or posting bail or whatever.”

He licked his lips again. Talking so much hurt his throat. He wasn’t used to it.

“About that. There’s someone here to talk to you. There may be an alternative to a juvenile hall.”

Nagisa frowns. Why? Why on earth would they have an alternative to jail? He’s done everything possible to make it the only option. Breaking and entering, arson, stealing, resisting arrest. He gave a written confession and everything! This really was not fair.

The door opened again and a tall man with a strained smiles sits next to the policewoman.

“Hello. My name is Asano Gakuho and I am here to talk to you about a program in my school…

Nagisa first heard about the new boy while he was going through people’s lockers on Friday night. It was a fun and calming thing to do. He only did it when he had a specific question, or when Okajima had a crush on some main campus girl. It was always interesting, the things people kept in there. Informative. It also gave him something to do instead of pretending to sleep.

He had been in the A-Class locker room when he heard Karasuma’s voice faintly through the vent. That particular vent was connected to the principal’s office, so naturally he climbed on a stack of chairs to eavesdrop.

“Akabane Karma. 15 years old, recently expelled from Minkou Middle School for assaulting a fellow student. He’s joining your class on Monday.”

It was an unusual name. The assault part was a bit worrying, so he decided to learn what he could before Monday. He had people he didn’t want assaulted after all.

Karasuma made it far to easy. The lock on his office was simple to pick and he was hardly ever in there because he was constantly breaking up fights. It was also helpful that he kept all his files alphabetically. Akabane was in the very first drawer he looked in. His parents were fancy diplomats who travelled all the time. It was one of the most generic sad backstories he had ever read. Not only that, but he was clearly a moody misunderstood genius edgelord if his school record was anything to go by. There wasn’t much else in there. His spy expedition had hardly been worth it.

He tucked everything back the way he found it and relocked the door after him. He could learn something more when Karma turned up in person. He wondered what he looked like.

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck oh shit.

“It’s nice to meet you, Karma.” He keeps his voice even, which is fairly impressive considering he is inches away from one of the prettiest people he had ever met. The widest red eyes over sharp cheekbones and a full red mouth. His teeth have the sweetest little points and that grin.

He feels hungry. There is something about Karma that makes him want to bite. Instead, he digs his fingers into his smooth skin and the sight of blood makes his mouth water.

“Nagisa.”

He knows his name? it sounds so good from his mouth. Why is his voice this deep? Isn’t he 15? Karma puts a hand on his chest and shoves him back. His skin burns where he touched. He’s not blushing, at least not on his face. He has a bizarre urge to check for marks under his shirt. Then Karma calls him a psychotic midget, which ruins the mood somewhat. Nagisa is irritated enough to obey Isogai’s silent command to stay back. He settled for teasing Karma about his family a little upstairs. His face goes red when he’s insecure. Beautiful.

He can feel his own face go red. Karma perfectly times a punch, giving him an excuse to hide. Under the bed he can’t see Karma’s face, which helps him calm down. He presses his check to the floor for a moment and by the time Isogai drags him out he is perfectly composed.

Isogai drags him to his room and sits him down on his bed. His hands are heavy on his shoulders, so he’s trapped. Nagisa hits his stomach hard, forcing him back. Once Isogai is a few steps away Nagisa brings his legs to his chest and rests his chin on his knees.

“It’s his first day.” Isogai has the slightest note of warning in his voice. Nagisa looks down at his bedspread. It’s school regulation blue. Boring but nice.

“I didn’t think he’d get that upset.”

“Don’t lie to me Nagisa. Leave him alone. If he settles in he might actually be happy. He might be our friend if you don’t freak him out. Not everyone is a threat.”

“I don’t think everyone is a threat.”

“Then why do you always do this? Why can’t you just stop? Why do you always have to test people.”

Isogai runs his fingers through his hair and turns to leave.

“Stay here for a while, OK? Let us get him settled. I swear, if we have another Maehara incident.”

“You liked the outcome of that one, don’t lie.”

Isogai smiles in spite of himself. He leaves, closing the door behind him. Nagisa flops down on his bed and presses a hand to the spot Karma touched. He imagines sinking his teeth into Karma’s neck, imagines eating him.

He really shouldn’t do that. Isogai would be mad. It was alright, he could get over this pretty quickly. Give him a few days.

He waited till the last minute before he ran down to dinner. That way he wouldn’t have time to do anything to upset Isogai.  He could be good. He completely ignored Karma and got Kayano talking about her newest pudding recipe. That was easy to focus on.

He was behaving. He really was. He planned to wait till Karma left, so he didn’t have to walk past him. If he didn’t get close, he wouldn’t get tempted.  Somethings he had such good ideas he deserved a medal. He forced his group to wait patiently while Karma met his roommates.

“I thought he was a girl when I met him. It’s the hair.”

His spine locked as fire coated his skin. His throat closed, trapping air in his lungs. He could feel his rib cage cracking as they expanded, pure panic pouring out of him. His legs jerked, forcing him to his feet. Kayano touched his arm. The pain was so bad he could have screamed. Instead his eyes focused on Terasaka’s mouth as it opened wider and wider, laughing and laughing and laughing.

He was going to die. He lurched forward, hands warped into painful approximations of claws. He wrapped his fingers around Terasaka’s neck and squeezed, as if he could force the words back in. How dare he? How dare he! He didn’t know anything, he was stupid. Stupid Stupid Stupid StupidStupidStupid

Hands pulled at his arms, and someone grabbed hold of his hair. Nails dug into his wrists as he was ripped away from Terasaka. He kicked out, not hitting anything except wood as he was dragged up the stairs.

He’s pressed down onto his bed and he screams, really screams, the faces over him warp into frowns and something is pressed over his mouth and they’re angry. He made them angry, that’s not allowed, never make people angry, never never never never never never….

“Ok, It’s ok. Hush. Hush Nagisa.”

He gasps and the hand moves away from his mouth. He takes a breath and it feels so good. He turns to see Sugino sitting on the bed beside him. His knees press into nagisa’s side. Nagisa turns away and buries his head in his pillow.

“Are you back?” Sugino’s squeezes his shoulder. He shakes his hands off but he’s too tired to push him off the bed.

He feels a pain in his left hand and he looks down at it. The worst burn, the one across the back of his hand, is oozing slightly. The liquid is clear so it’s not a big problem.

“The scabs ripped off when you tried to kill Terasaka.”

Nagisa nods and brings his knees to his chest. Sugino stands and walks to his own bed.

“Go to sleep. Karasuma wants to talk to you in the morning.”

Nagisa nods and blows lightly at his hand. He glances at the door.

“No one’s coming in.” Sugino says. “I promise.”

Nagisa turns away as Sugino changes into his pyjamas. He must have been upset for a long time. He wonders what time it is.

He hugs himself tight and closes his eyes. He wishes he could sleep.

Chapter Text

Karma woke up with a shock when a loud bell went off. He sat up fast and hit his head against the upper bunk.

Swearing he shook himself awake and tried to remember who the people in the room were.

“Morning!” Said Isogai happily. “Are you excited to learn?”

“Fuck you.”

“Not a morning person?” Asked Maehara.

“Fuck you too.”

Karma dragged himself upright and looked around. The others made little forts out of their duvets by tucking them against their bed frames to get dressed in relative privacy. Karma copied with a reasonable amount of success.

He left his bed unmade and wandered off in search of the bathroom. He had his own little shelf for his toothbrush. How quaint.

“Are you ready for your first lesson?” Isogai  appeared behind him. “This class is very different to what you’re used to.”

“School is school. A waste of time.”

“If you put in effort, score high and show good behaviour you can be accepted back to the main campus. It’s what we all strive for.” Said Isogai. “At least… most of us.”

“Sounds like a pipe dream to me.”

“Don’t be so negative.”

Karma rolled his eyes and brushed his teeth. His general aura of anger and danger kept people out of his way.

Breakfast was either toast and jam or yogurt and fruit. Both incredibly boring options. Karma mournfully ate his toast while dreaming of his favourite pancakes or waffles. Isogai dragged him from his self-pity and escorted him to class. Karasuma was already at the front of the room.

“Would you like to introduce yourself.?”

“No”. Karma grinned, waiting for his reaction.

“Fine, sit down next to Isogai.”

It was disappointing, but the day was young, plenty of time to be an annoying little shit.  He plopped next to Isogai and stretched. At the front of the room he saw Nagisa, Sugino and Kayano. Nagisa had his head down fast asleep.

“Someone wake him up without dying.” Instructed Karasuma.

Sugino sighed and poked him hard. He jolted upright, arm swing out to slam into Sugino’s throat. He leant over wheezing. Karma tried not to look shocked.

“Good morning Nagisa.”

“Good morning, Sir.”

Sugino straightened and they began their lesson. Really? Nobody was questioning the assault? He glanced at Isogai who was immersed in taking notes.

Whatever. Not his problem.

The class was painfully easy. Algebra. Who didn’t understand algebra? The majority of the class apparently. Karasuma spent so long answering boring questions Karma nearly beat his head on the desk.

Once they moved on to a painfully slow science lesson he gave up and took a nap. No one bothered to disturb him. Once he woke up naturally, they had moved onto history. It was a shame no one woke him up. Apparently people could get away with attacking people upon awaking here. That would have livened up his day. He settled for rocking in his chair and repeatedly dropping his book. The resulting noise caused several glares but no real repercussions.

So boring.

At lunch he sat alone. Today Karasuma was helping to serve the lunch. (Soup again.) Nagisa wandered over to stare at him. After an awkward few seconds he opened his mouth.

“Your repeated disruption of the class is a clear show of your desperation for validation. You feel ignored by your family, so you turned to poor behaviour as a ploy to get attention. It’s boring. Try something else.”

Karma stared at him. Then he punched him. Just because he could. He moved to do it again when Nagisa moved faster than he thought possible and pinned him backwards on the table. He pressed one arm against his throat and used the other to grab a chopstick. He held it over Karma’s eye. It was so close his eyelashes brushed against it when he blinked.

“I don’t like being hit.” Nagisa’s voice was cold. Expressionless. “Don’t do it again.”

A drop of sauce rolled off the stick and made his eye burn. He refused to flinch. The back of Nagisa’s hand brushed against Karma’s face. It was oddly rough, like his skin was coated in a coat of scales.

Suddenly Karasuma charged across the room and hooked one arm around Nagisa’s leg, the other around his chest and carried him kicking out of the room. He returned a moment later, sans Nagisa.

“Are you alright?”

“What the fuck? Is he just allowed to walk around? Shouldn’t he be locked up?”

Karasuma smiled slightly. “You did hit him first.”

“After he tried to phyco-analyse me.”

“He does that sometimes. Try not to react and he’ll lose interest.” Karasuma patted his shoulder and returned to serving the food. Everyone else returned to eating. Was this normal? Did this just happen? He marched out of the lunch hall and made his way through the forest. He hated this place, with its stupid meals and stupid students and stupid Nagisa. How could he repair his reputation after being pinned by a pint-sized lunatic? The embarrassment. The mortification.  He needed to hide out until they forgot about him. He knew it wouldn’t take long. Probably no one would care he had gone. He didn’t return until the sun set.

To his surprise he found Isogai waiting for him. He smiled and led him to the teachers’ lounge. Inside Nagisa was crouched in one corner, staring transfixed at a fish tank. He ghosted his fingers over the glass, the rainbow scales reflecting in his eyes.

“Maybe you should talk.” Said Isogai gently.

Karma scoffed and turned to leave. Isogai smiled disarmingly wide.

“Sorry, I guess I should rephrase. You have to talk it out. Fighting policy. Its only 10 minutes, you’ll survive. Won’t he Nagisa.”

The last part was more of an order than a question.

“Nagisa just finished talking it out with Terasaka, and he’s alive. That means your chances are pretty good. Anyway, you might have something in common!”

“I seriously doubt it.”

Nagisa used his left hand to wave at him without looking away from the fish. His hand looked… smudged? Was that the right word? Karma wasn’t sure. He was too far away to see properly, and he hated his life too much to care.  Isogai shrugged and closed the door. Karma heard the lock click.

“Did he seriously lock us in?”

“It’s post-fighting protocol. It gives us the opportunity to independently work through our negative emotions and bond. I’m in here a lot.”

Karma sat at the teacher’s desk and tried all the drawers. All locked. He moved on to a small shelf full of self-help books.

“So what are supposed to do?”

“We’re supposed to talk about stuff. I guess you aren’t used to that due to your lack of meaningful relationships.” He dodged the book Karma threw at him. “What movies do you like?”

“I guess I like Sonic Ninja.”

That got Nagisa’s attention.

Sonic Ninja kept them talking until Karasuma came to tell them their 10 minutes were up. They were sent upstairs, still talking. Nagisa waved goodbye and disappeared into a room on the girl’s side. Karma was momentarily thrown until Nagisa reappeared with Kayano. He then disappeared into another bedroom.  Seconds later he heard Sugino scream. He felt no desire to investigate, instead going to his own room. Isogai looked up from a book to give him a smug grin.

Karma did not dignify that with a response.

Chapter Text

Nagisa sulked as he waited in the large office. He was facing a mahogany desk with a comfortable leather chair. His own chair was made of wood and threatened to break if he took even one foot off the floor. He was handcuffed to said chair, but he felt confident a strong pull could break the wood. Maybe if he tried to escape they’d realise this was stupid and send him to jail?

 He wasn’t entirely sure what he was supposed to be doing. There was a form with his name on it on the desk, but he didn’t touch it. He had been driven here in the same police car that had arrested him and abandoned in the office. It was all a bit bewildering. He wondered if anyone had called his mother. He swallowed against the urge to be sick. The skin under his bandage was getting uncomfortably hot.

This was hardly fair. There were so many people who wanted second chances. And yet, the one person who actually wanted to be forgotten in jail was being offered free education at an elite middle school? The universe had a vile sense of humour.

A tall man came in, not the principle. Instead of sitting in the comfortable chair he was dragging a metal folding chair. He sat on it so carefully, with such a worrying screech Nagisa realised he might actually have the superior seating arrangements.

“Hello, my name is Karasuma. I’ll be your teacher if you accept the place here.”

“I won’t. Go away.” Nagisa tried to sound surly and mean. The fact no one had given him anything to drink in a few hours made his voice incredibly crackly, which sort of ruined the effect.

“We contacted your mother. She’s not happy about what you did this morning, but she’s enthusiastic about this school.”

Nagisa swallowed again. Karasuma watched his throat constrict.

“Is she the one who hurts you?”

Nagisa choked on his own spit. No one ever asked that so blatantly before! And he just met this man! Was this even allowed? Why would he say that?

He curled in on himself defensively.

“That’s stupid. She’s great, I love her. No one hurts me.”

“You burnt down a building.”

“That was fun.”

Karasuma gives him a look. It’s not accusatory or pitying. It makes Nagisa feel like Karasuma could know everything about him easily, he could read Nagisa like a children’s book. There was no point in lying, he would know. He would always know. He brought his knees up to his chest and rested his chin on them. The chair groaned in warning. His problems were not a lot bigger than a chair so he ignored it.

“I strongly encourage you to attend the school. Obviously there will be some limitations due to your criminal behaviour. You will not be able to leave the building unattended, and you will attend weekly assessments with the principle in this office.”

“Is that why you’re not sitting at the desk? Its his chair and you’re not allowed?”

“We’re not talking about me right now. But yes. I sat there once, and he threated to fire me. He’s a little possessive. Anyway. You’ll be boarding at the school and any trips home will be monitored.”

“It’s a boarding school?”

Karasuma nods. Nagisa is aware he’s proving him right by reacting this way, but he does not care.

“I’ll go. When do I start?”

“I can drive you to our building as soon as you sign. The program is separate to the main school for safety reasons.”

Before Karasuma left to tell everyone about Nagisa’s enrolment, he offered him a bottle of water. Nagisa took it and waited till he left to drink it. It was gone in seconds. He already showed him too much. He couldn’t let him see how desperate he was. Not again.

Karasuma walked him to the classroom. He was advised by the police to keep a hand on Nagisa’s shoulder to prevent him running off. Nagisa watched him warily, but Karasuma didn’t move to touch him. Nagisa obediently followed him up the mountain path.

The classroom was very empty as it was a Sunday. The majority of the students were weekending at home or were out in the nearby city. A small green haired girl was studding in the dining hall, but she ignored them. Karasuma gave him a tour, showed him his bed and left him to settle. He’d receive his uniform and supplies the next day.

Then he was left alone. He listened to Karasuma going down the stairs. As soon as he was sure he was gone he ran to the bathroom and vomited into the toilet. He imagined his mother, sitting at home and thinking about him. What he’d done. What she would do the next time they were together.

“What have I done?” He asked the silent bathroom. “I’m sorry, what have I done?”

Nagisa watched the bedroom wall turn from black to grey as the sun rose. For a moment, just one moment the dawn light made the whole room glow pink. He sighed and reached out to watch the sun dance on the skin of his hand. Things like this made be alive almost worth it. He was up and dressed by the time Sugino started moving.

Exhausted he fell into his usual routine of watching Sugino and Kayano eat breakfast. They took turns kicking him under the table so his head wouldn’t sink low enough to get in their cereal.

He dragged Kayano to the classroom so she could supervise his sleeping. This was pretty much the once place he could sleep. But it was unlocked and open, which meant he would be vulnerable. Kayano didn’t mind and he paid her back by giving up all his dessert. He didn’t like eating too much anyway.

He sunk into blissful nothingness as soon as he sat down.

He woke up to something touching him. Every muscle in his body tensed and pain rocketed up and down his side as he felt bodies all around him, hearing their breathing, he struck out as he sat up and made contact with a squishy thing. Which turned out to be Sugino’s throat.

Karasuma stared at him from the front of the room.

“Good morning Nagisa.”

“Good morning Sir.”

He patted Sugino’s hand under the table as an apology. He’d make him tea and honey later for the pain.

Maths and science went on for so long his head throbbed. It was just so boring. He’d never been any good at school. Even in his normal middle school he’d been below average. His mother had always hated that. He scratched on the skin on his hands under the desk. He needed to think about something else quick.

Why wont you try Nagisa? Don’t you love me? I’m only trying to help you! Remember, you are nothing without me.

He pushed her voice down and scrabbled for something, anything to distract him. His subconscious mind must have been feeling mean because the only thing he could think of was Karma. Not ideal.

He tried to focus on something else and almost went back to the night before he came to this school. This must not happen. Not ever.

So he was stuck with Karma.

He thought back to seeing Karma for the first time. Pressing so close in the stairwell. His skin was so smooth, what did his hair feel like? Soft? Course? What did he smell like? Why couldn’t he remember? He had smelled eatable, but what did that mean? He frowned slightly. This was important information. He promised Isogai to leave him alone, but one quick check wouldn’t hurt. He’d say something normal, casual and it would be fine, right? Right.

He got his chance during lunch. Isogai was distracted talking to Maehara so he made his approach. He leaned close and inhaled quickly. He smelt surprisingly sweet, like melted hard candy. Karma looked at him, so he said something quickly. He didn’t want to appear odd.

“Your repeated disruption of the class is a clear show of your desperation for validation. You feel ignored by your family, so you turned to poor behaviour as a ploy to get attention. It’s boring. Try something else.”

There. That was obvious to anyone, so it wasn’t weird to say.

Karma punched him. His blood sang and he felt himself blush. He fought the natural impulse to step back and drove Karma onto the table. His hand snatched up a chopstick from the table to add a touch of fear to Karma’s perfect features.

He was definitely blushing now. He couldn’t help it, pressed against Karma like this. He felt his mouth move but he didn’t pay attention to what he was saying. It likely didn’t matter. Instead he focused on Karma.

His smell, the feel of his skin against him. His lips were so close to the back of his hand Nagisa had to supress a shudder.

What would taste like? One bite couldn’t hurt. Just one. Just a small one…

Just as he opened his mouth thick arms wound around him and lifted him up. He felt uncomfortably weightless and thrashed around to see Karasuma. Karasuma carried him down the hall and dumped him unceremoniously on the teachers lounge floor and slammed the door behind him. Nagisa sulked for a little and drummed his heels on the floor. He considered breaking something but that felt a little too mean.  

He wandered over to the fish tank, which was the coolest thing in the school. Whenever he fought with someone he was sent in here. Sometimes he fought with people on purpose so he could see the fish. He could just ask to see them, but if Karasuma knew how much he liked him then he’d have something over him. Something to punish him with. He might get rid of them, or hide them, or take them out and rip them up….

He shook his head to push the thought away. He had the fish now and that’s all that matters.

He was left alone for hours. It didn’t matter. The floor was comfortable and the room warm. Plus he had the fish. No one brought him anything to eat or drink, but that was fine. The principle advised them to limit his eating if he got violent. In theory this would leave him with too little energy to hurt people.

Eventually Karasuma came back with Terasaka in tow.

“You know the drill. Apologise, talk it through and reach an understanding. Scream if you get attacked.”

He handed Terasaka a small box and left, locking the door. Terasaka slid the box across the floor to him.

“Peace offering.”

“I’m-sorry-I-attacked-you-I-won’t-do-it-again.” Nagisa gabbled through the expected platitude quickly so he could get to the interesting part. He loved boxes. They could have such interesting things inside. And he didn’t even have to steal this one! Nagisa opened it to find a small cartoon of juice and a bread roll. He ate quickly while Terasaka tried to open the confiscation drawer on Karasuma’s desk.

“Always locked.” He muttered mournfully.

Nagisa swallowed the last of his snack and joined him, pulling two thin needles from his hair. He stuck them into the lock and within 10 seconds it popped open.

“Since when are you allowed to have needles?”

“Kayano gave them to me. Don’t tell.”

Terasaka didn’t respond but he did dig out several of Okajimas confiscated porn magazines, so they were probably even. They spent the next few minutes sticky taping the magazines to Terasaka’s stomach to sneak them upstairs. Once they were secure Nagisa relocked the drawer and returned to his fish while Terasaka played drums with pencils and the desk.

Karasuma turned up to let Terasaka out. Nagisa made to follow but Karasuma blocked his way. Nagisa flinched hard and stepped back. What had he done? Usually this was it! Why wasn’t he letting him go? He was sorry! He was so so sorry!

“I…I …..I”

“It’s ok, you’re not in anymore trouble than you usually are. You just need to talk it through with Karma. Once Isogai finds him.

Oh right. That. He flopped back down on the floor by the fish tank to wait. 10 minutes with Karma? Alone? He buried his face in his hands so Karasuma wouldn’t see his blush. He heard him walk away, locking the door again.

Nagisa wondered why they bothered to lock it. Everyone knew Nagisa could get out if he felt like it. Maybe they hoped he’d respect the silent order, which in fairness, he usually did.

And then Karma. Pretty, sweet smelling Karma. Locked up with him.

“Did he seriously lock us in?”

Yes yes Karma, yes he did. That means you can’t run away. I could just eat you up.

“It’s post-fighting protocol. It gives us the opportunity to independently work through our negative emotions and bond. I’m in here a lot.”

He stares at the pulse on Karma’s neck. He imagines sinking his teeth into it, imagines feeling it beat against his tongue.

“So what are supposed to do?”

“We’re supposed to talk about stuff. I guess you aren’t used to that due to your lack of meaningful relationships.” He dodged the book Karma threw at him. “What movies do you like?”

“I guess I like Sonic Ninja.”

That got Nagisa’s attention. Could this boy get any more perfect?

They talked so much he forgot to think about eating him. Karasuma turning up to let them out was actually upsetting. He usually liked being set free, but this meant Karma had an excuse to leave him. Wondrously, they kept the conversation up as they climbed the stairs.

Once there he hurried to grab Kayano and pull her to his room. Her roommates were used to him randomly coming in, so they ignored him. Once Okajima complained they screamed if he ever went into a girls room, however, the majority of them decided Nagisa didn’t count as a proper boy. He broke Nakamura’s arm after that one, but she forgave him.

Sugino was taking a nap so he shook him awake.

“I want to eat people.”

Once Sugino stopped his scream Nagisa continued.

“Not you, just Karma specifically.”

“As long as it’s just him it’s fine” said Kayano, nodding solemnly.

“No it isn’t! Why would you want to eat him?” Sugino demanded.

“Because he’s really pretty and he smells like candy and his hair is really soft. Also he sounds really nice when he says my name. What should I do? If I engage in cannibalism I’ll be in so much trouble.”

He sat down on his bed and sighed. He looked up to see them staring at him.

“Oh Nagisa. Bless your oblivious little gay heart.” Said Kayano. Sugino started sniggering into his hands.

“What?”

“Ok. It looks like we need to have a talk about feelings.” Kayano came to sit next to him and took his unburned hand.

“Feeling like eating people?”

Sugino’s discreet sniggering turned into full body laughter.

“No Nagisa. Can you possibly think of another explanation for what you are feeling?”

Nagisa frowned hard as he considered, which for some reason made Sugino laugh so hard he fell off his bed.

“Nagisa. I think you’re in love with Karma”

Nagisa felt his heart sink. He was so dead.

Chapter Text

The school bell woke Karma up far too early for a Saturday. He groaned, rolling over to go back to sleep.

“No you don’t!” said Maehera, pulling the duvet off. Karma kicked him in the leg, which made him shriek, but didn’t dissuade him.

“You have to get up. Saturdays are no excuse for laziness. You get to choose a beneficial activity today.”

“Fuck. Off.”

Isogai grabbed him by his pyjama shirt and dragged him to the bathroom. Karma squirmed around until he got his feet under him and threw him off.

“I’m not doing an activity.”

“You don’t have a choice. You’re not going home for the weekend, so you get an extracurricular. Its mandatory.”

“How do you know I’m not going home?”

“Nagisa checked Karasuma’s computer and you have no travel arrangements. You’re stuck here!”  Karma groaned and went to brush his teeth.

Apparently, the majority of the class were going home. He went downstairs to find a flurry of bodies and bags running everywhere. He saw Kayano and Sugino sitting on the dining tables to stay out of the way. They waved him over.

After a moment of consideration he joined them on the table.

“I’m bringing you to the main campus for your activity.” Said Sugino. “I’m the only responsible non-criminally charged one staying for the weekend. Yay!”

Sugino patted his arm. He seemed desensitised to Karma’s glare, probably because of Nagisa.

“What about Kayano? Is she not responsible?”

Kayano laughed at him. “Idiot, people with criminal convictions don’t go to the main campus without adult supervision. Anyway, I already have an activity. I’m staying here to tend the garden with Nagisa.”

Karma stared at her for a moment. “You? Criminal conviction? What could you possibly have done?”

“A lady never tells.”

The rush had died down somewhat, so she hopped off the table and disappeared down the corridor. Sugino grabbed his arm and half led, half dragged him down the mountain.

“Let’s do this.” Said Sugino with a deep breath. “If anything tries to attack you, do not run. It excited them.”

“What?!”

An hour later they emerged from the bushes exhausted. Sugino was picking stingers from his arm with his teeth. Karma had trapped an angry snake in his blazer and didn’t really know what to do with it, so he carried it down the hill. He released it into some flowerbeds.

“Alright. That wasn’t so bad.”

“I wrestled a snake.”

“Well done.”

They stumbled into the main building. There were many students walking purposely through the halls. The students made sure to pause their busy schedules to mock them, pointing and whispering. Sugino looked quietly down at his feet, but cowering wasn’t Karma’s style.

He waited until Sugino led him down a hallway totally empty of adults and security camera’s. What it did have was four sneering boys.

They stopped laughing very quickly after Karma threw the first punch. They started screaming very quickly after he threw the second.

It was quite fun. Relaxing even. This is where he was supposed to be, where he fit. He kept going until two of them ran away, the other two crumpled on the ground. His knuckles stung so he switched to his legs. One kick sent a boy spinning.

Sugino intervened when he went to stomp on someone’s head.

“You’ll kill him.” Said Sugino. It wasn’t accusing or horrified like Karma was used to. It was… admiring? Proud?

“Nagisa was right. You do belong here.”

Something warm started to flicker, deep inside Karma’s chest.

“I guess I do.”

A heavy hand came down on his shoulder.

“Karma Akabane. What an interesting first impression.”

He turned and looked up, right into the violent purple eyes of Kunugigowka’s Principle.

The warm thing in his chest died.

Karma spent the next six hours scrubbing toilets. The smell was so bad he had to use two cloths. One to clean, one to cover his nose and mouth. Not only that, but the bathrooms had no windows. This meant he spent these six hours being gassed by the many cleaning chemicals he had been gifted with.

It was a grim situation.

Eventually he was done, and also slightly high. He stumbled through the campus to return the chemicals and found his way to the main door. He greedily inhaled air, trying to clear his nasal cavities.

While he was emotionally recovering from his ordeal, he saw Karasuma walk past. He was carrying a squirming Nagisa in his arms. Nagisa was trying to yell something, but Karasuma had his mouth firmly covered.

“How’s it going?” Called Karma.

“Good afternoon Karma.” Said Karasuma. He remained completely deadpan while Nagisa preformed a particularly impressive wiggle and almost broke free. Karasuma merely sighed and held him tighter. Karma realised Nagisa had blood dripping down his chin.

“Is he OK?”

“Yes. He’s been biting people again. I thought we were past this, but I guess not. See you at dinner.”

Nagisa seemed to slump for a second before fighting to get away even harder. Karma had to step back to avoid getting kicked in the face. Karasuma chose this moment to begin walking up the hill.

Karma watched him for a moment before heading towards the flower beds. If that snake was still there then he had several very interesting new places to put it.

He found Sugino half an hour later. He was scrubbing the school kitchen.

“I put a snake in the girls toilets we need to go.”

“What?”

“I said I put a…”

“I got that part. Whatever, lets move.”

Screaming started just as they were walking out the door. They started running.

Karma laughed out loud as they sprinted up the hill.

Sugino yelled something along the lines of “perfect for each other” but he didn’t dwell on it. The rush was too much to care about anything but moving forward. He was disappointed when they finally arrived at their school.

Sugino went upstairs to shower away the cleaning smell. Karma tried to do the same, but he was chased back down by Kayano.

“Some smells are so offensive to an individual they must be shunned until the odour is removed.”

“How am I supposed to clean without a shower?”

“There’s a shower in the gym.”

Karma considered pushing past her, but there was the lingering suspicion of her criminal conviction. As a sort of apology, she leant him her fancy conditioner, which smelt like icing sugar.

The gym showers were too horrifying to think about. He repressed the incident from his memory and went back inside. As he passed the teachers’ lounge he heard screaming. It had been several hours since he’d seen Nagisa, was he still having a tantrum? No wonder he was so skinny. That much thrashing probably constituted a workout.

Naturally he peaked into the lounge. The door was slightly open, so he could see as well as hear. This was definitely more interesting that his bed.

“You’re a liar! It isn’t fair! She’s going to be so angry, you said she wouldn’t know! She’s going to get me, she’s going to take me away!”

Nagisa was pacing up and down the lounge, hands tugging frantically at his soaking wet hair. It was wrapped through his fists so tightly Karma’s own scalp twinged in sympathy pain.

“Calm down.” Karasuma was standing by his desk, telephone in hand.

“It’s ok Nagisa. No ones taking you anywhere. The principle called her because you bit his son. You know he’s sensitive about that. She just wants to talk.”

“I can’t talk to her, you know I can’t! I can’t say no to her, I’ll agree to leave and I’ll go away forever and I’ll never see any of you again! I’ll die, you know I will! Please please don’t make me.”

Suddenly his entire body seemed to shiver and he stopped pacing. His face went from pale to deathly white. He let go of his hair so quickly he ripped a few stands right out.

“I’m sorry, please, I’m sorry.”

He wrapped his arms around himself and rocked slightly.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” He didn’t seem to be talking to Karasuma anymore. He crooned the phrase over and over to himself, almost like a lullaby.

Karasuma cautiously came closer and pressed the phone into his hand. He robotically brought the phone to his ear. He hit a button, presumably unmute, and hummed slightly. He winced at whatever was said on the other side of the line.

Karasuma backed away and stepped out. He didn’t look surprised to see Karma.

“How much did you hear?”

“The latter half of a mental breakdown. What happened?”

“That’s none of your concern. Some things are private. You have things you wouldn’t want Nagisa to know.”

“Yes, but he knows them anyway. That’s why I punched him the other day.” Karma tried to look sweet and innocently confused. It didn’t suit him.

“Just don’t tell anyone. And don’t ask him about it. He’s never bitten more than two people in one day and I don’t want today to break the record.”

“Who’s the second person?”

Karasuma rolled up his shirt sleeve to show shockingly deep toothmarks in his forearm. Karma felt a strange sensation in his stomach but he pushed it down.

“What would you do if I bit you?”

“Same thing I did to Nagisa. Take you to the kitchen and stick your head under the cold tap until you stop struggling.”

Karasuma checks his watch and sighs.

“I need to get to the main campus again. Another pointless meeting, apparently a snake was spotted inside. Try not to burn anything down when I’m gone.” He looks back at the teachers lounge for a moment, then shakes his head and leaves.

Obviously, Karma goes in the second he’s out of sight.

Nagisa is sitting curled up in a little ball by the fish. The phone lies abandoned on the floor beside him. Karma sits next to him and leans in close.

“Do you have a sense of shame? You know, like embarrassment? How do you scream the way you do, act the way you do. Why doesn’t anyone stop you?”

Nagisa tips his head to one sidand looks at him with an uncannily dead expression.

“What should I feel embarrassed? I scream when people give me a reason to. If I didn’t scream then I’d have to do something else.”

“You mean hit people? Because you usually do that too.”

“No.” Nagisa shook his head and picked at the weird skin on his left hand. He didn’t elaborate. His shirt was so wet around his shoulders it was almost translucent. Karma could see the faintest tinge of sink skin through the fabric. He looked away.

 After a moment Nagisa leaned close and took a deep breath. Karma braced himself for the usual insights about his parents.

“You smell wrong. Take it off.” He tugged lightly at Karma’s hair. “That’s Kayano’s smell. You can’t have it.”

When Karma tried to explain the shower situation Nagisa dragged him to his feet and pulled him up the stairs. He shoved Karma into a shower stall and ran to grab his shampoo and towel.

“Fix it.” He said firmly. “I need you to fix it.”

He wandered away tutting to himself. Karma showered for the second time in 30 minutes. Not only because the psychotic midget told him to, but because he felt like it. In fact, Nagisa was very far down on Karma’s list of authority. Still. He scrubbed at his head until the last traces of Kayano’s smell were gone.

Chapter Text

There was someone standing in his mirror. Nagisa stared at the someone, feeling a vague sense of confusion. How was this possible? The person smiled at him. He tried to reach out and touch them, but his hands felt trapped by his sides. The person in the mirror smiled wider. 

He looked down to see what had happened, what was wrong with him. But he was gone. He was nowhere. He was nothing. He couldn’t move his arms because he had no arms to move. Someone else’s body had taken his place.

He stared down at the expanse of skin and blue fabric. Far below were two small feet in small laced black boots. Were they truly tiny or just far away? His head felt like it was full of water, it pounded away at his eardrums.

Did he have eardrums? Did he have a head? He must, that was where the pain was coming from. He tried to scream. 

No use. No mouth. He felt a strange tightness where it should be, skin moulding over it like plasticine. 

He looked back at the person in the mirror. It was their fault. They had taken him away. His head pounded, like something was crushing it. Was this what had happened to his body? Had it been crushed so small he couldn’t see it? How soon until would he disappear completely? 

The pain worsened. Maybe if he disappeared it would stop. 

Suddenly the mirror was full of not one person, but two.

Mother? The word wouldn’t come out. But she would help him, she had to. She reached out to touch the person. Her touch looked gentle. Kind. She stroked the persons face so sweetly. What was she doing? Couldn’t she see this was a stranger? Who was it? Why was she being so sweet to him? A rustling noise flowed out of her mouth. The person was nodding, holding out their arm as she tied a bracelet around it. 

This imposter! She had replaced him? So soon? He’d only been gone for….. how long? Gone? Where was he?

Tears built behind his eyes but didn’t come out. They couldn’t. His eyes weren’t his anymore.

The pounding in his head receded and he felt the sting of pins and needles in his hands and feet.

The noise his mother was making slowly formed words. 

The weight of his body settled around him, so heavy he had to fight to stand upright. His throat was dry and sore, his eyes burning. 

Oh. He was back. 

She touched his shoulder and he felt himself floating away again. He dug his teeth into his tongue. The blood snapped him back. When she turned he crouched and tied his laces as tight as he could. The throbbing forced him to stay. Like little anchors the laces held him tight. 

He was trying on the new dresses his mother had bought for the Christmas holidays. two whole weeks. He thought longingly of school. His grades were terrible, his classmates thought he was weird, and his teachers hated him, but he was normally left alone. Once, a boy pulled his hair so hard he fell of his chair. He’d screamed and thrashed so much he’d broken two tables. Ever since then people usually ignored him. He could float along alone and unscathed, more or less happy.

Plus he was on the free lunch program. He missed lunch already.  

“Come Nagisa. We must make the Christmas cake! You want to help your mother don’t you? Don’t you?”

He forced his tongue to move, to form the appropriate agreements. It worked, she smiled and steered him to the kitchen. There he stirred the bowl of fruit, flour and brandy. It was strangely odourless. Even the brandy had no smell. His mother seemed to think otherwise, opening the window wide to air the room out. When she pressed a cherry to his mouth he felt nothing. He tried to chew though his mouth felt empty. He swallowed when she began to stare at him. 

He did it wrong. So stupid he couldn’t even eat. Wet slivers of cherry pulp dripped down his chin. She slapped him hard and his head spun so bad he had to grab the table.

“Disgusting.” She hissed. “How could I have raised something like you? How could you do this to me?”

He hugged himself tight. There was the faintest sensation running through his arms. He clung to it, though it soon faded away. 

She held his hair tight and pulled him down the hallway. She came to the small closet, right at the end.

“No.” He whispered. “I’m sorry.”

“Are disobeying me?” he flinches as her voice grows louder. “You dare to speak to me this way? I am your mother! You are alive because of me! I put food on your table and cloths on your back! How can you bare being so cruel? Do you not think of me? Do you not love your own mother? You monster, you soulless psychopath! Have you no shame? No empathy? How can you do this to me? And on Christmas Eve?”

Tears begin to pour down her cheeks and she turns away from him.

“You don’t love me! I can see it! Fine, leave me. Leave me alone to suffer! Why should you care? Why should anyone!”

Nagisa feels his throat close as she sobs. Tears prick at his own eyes.

“I love you.” He pleads, clutching at her sleeve.

“I love you so much, don’t cry! Please, please, I’m sorry. I’ll get in, I’ll get in if you don’t cry!”

She shoved him hard enough to send him sprawling forward into the dark. His leg jutted out into the hallway so she slammed the door on it, over and over until he pulled it inside with him. He could feel the pain, though not what it was attached to. His entire body floated away from him. 

He curled up, trying hard to sooth the pain away. The closet was too small and short to stretch his legs out or sit upright. He ended up lying on his side, with his arms tucked between his chest and his legs. 

And then he was nowhere. Just in the dark. Alone. All he had was the slowly numbing pain wrapped around him. 

Somewhere in the dark he closed his eyes. To wait. 

Time moves different in the dark. It stretches and shrinks around him. Its so quiet. So dark. He hums to fill the emptiness around him. The wooden walls and floors press down on him. He feels buried.

He lifts his head. So tired. So thirsty. He puts it back down. Up again. Down again. Up and down. Faster. Faster. Up and down. Up down up down up down until he sinks into a deeper kind of blackness.

When she opened the door the light burned his eyes. He threw up his arm to shield himself, and she grabbed it. It took a minute to uncurl his stiff joints. His back cracked slightly as he straightened.

“Are you sorry?”

He licked his dry cracked lips and nodded.

For a heart stopping moment her face stayed smooth. She was teetering between pushing him back and leaving him out. His heart stuck in his throat as her mouth fluttered into a smile.

“I knew you would be sorry! You’re my special darling, aren’t you?”

“Yes mother.”

“Do you know what day it is?”

Day? How long was he in there?

“It’s Christmas! Santa came!”

She clutches him close and kisses his forehead hard. She pokes at the dried blood on the side of his head, scratching at it for a moment. He holds very still.

Then she buries her nose in his hair and inhales deeply. Her eyes flutter close as she holds him, sighing contentedly. His left arm is trapped between them, bent the wrong way. His elbow starts to throb. The feeling only worsened his she holds him tighter. He tries to slowly inch it down. If he can get it out of the crush then he can stop the pain while not breaking the hug.

He feels her breathing change.

What happens is his fault. He should have just stayed still and taken it. He should have just sucked it up and smiled. He knows this. He tells her this. It doesn’t stop her.

Nothing does.

She rolls up his dress sleeves and ties his wrists to their kitchen table.

“I’m sorry.” He says. Its not begging. Not really. It’s just something to say. something to cling to as she pulls her lighter from the top drawer. He hears the shrap click as she closes it. She flicks the lighter on and off and strokes a single finger down his arm. He breaks out in goosebumps. He doesn’t move away. He’s well trained.

She presses the lighter to the soft inner flesh of his arm. It nestles deeper between older burns some still messy and pealing, others old and red. He hangs his head and closes his eyes tight.

“I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry…” he murmurs. He’s weak after his hoursdaysyears in the closet. Its only seconds until he starts screaming.

Its hours until he stops.

Chapter Text

The Saturday after Karma released a snake in the girl’s toilets was different than usual. No one went home. Even better, Sugino didn’t drag him down to the main campus for any demeaning cleaning duties.

He ran into Isogai in the crowded hallway.

“Karma, has anyone asked you to join their group?”

“Their group?”

Isogai ran a hand through his hair, which was already a static mess.

“I’ll take that as a no. Don’t worry, I’ll set you up with someone.”

Karma stared after him as he hurried away. He seemed stressed, and even more bossy than usual. Maybe he should stop sleeping in class. Then he’d know what was going on. He decided to go to the dining hall. Breakfast wouldn’t be pancakes. Breakfast would never be pancakes. But a man can dream. As he walked past the teachers’ lounge he heard voices. As per usual Nagisa was in there. When he peaked through the keyhole he saw Karasuma lecturing him and Kayano.

“Listen you two. Listen. I need you both to focus on me, this is important. On this trip absolutely zero people can come to physical or psychological harm.  There must be no arson, vandalism, breaking and entering, theft, assault, or crime of any kind. You need to have at least two non-criminally charged people with you at all times. I cannot stress this enough, Do. Not. Wander. Off. If I don’t know where you are, then the authorities don’t know where you are and you are legally on the run from the police. Understand? I need a verbal answer.”

“We understand Sir.” They chorused.

Karmasua didn’t look completely convinced but he waved them towards to door. Karma didn’t bother to move out of the way so Kayano almost walked right into him.

“Why are you a criminal?”

“I told you; a lady never tells. Do you want to be in our group?”

Nagisa snapped to attention, and he shook his head violently. Kayano deliberately turned away from him.

“Well? I know you aren’t in one yet. You slept through the announcement.”

“I’ll be in your group.” Karma grinned as Nagisa’s face turned complexly white. He grabbed Kayano and pulled her away, hissing furiously.

“See you on the bus!” She called over her shoulder. Nagisa sadly didn’t turn when Karma started laughing. He would have loved to see the mini psychopaths expression.

Karasuma poked his head out of the lounge to glare at him. 

“Are you deliberately looking for death? Why would you agree to that? I was going to send Isogai and Kataoka to watch them.”

“I think I can handle two midgets. How long are we going for?”

“Two nights. Go find Sugino, he’ll be in your group. Try not to die, that’s a lot of paperwork.” 

Karma found Sugino outside the bus along with the criminals, and two girls. Kanzaki and Okuda. Both of them stared at him mistrustfully. All was as it should be. 

Karasuma came over.

“Right. Final time. Nagisa, Kayano, stay near your group. Do not commit criminal activity. Do not hurt people emotionally or physically. Karma, Sugino, watch Nagisa. Okadu, Kanzaki watch Kayano. Don’t leave them unsupervised for a single moment. If they go missing call me immediately. If I have to sit through another meeting with the principle I’ll drown you all. Any questions?”

Silence. Nagisa and Kayano edged closer to each other and stared at the bus.

“What’s wrong?”

“We haven’t left the school grounds in… months.” Kayano said it lightly, through her eyes were serious.

“It’s not as nice out…there.”

Nagisa took her hand and rubbed her palm gently. She seemed to relax slightly. Karma forced himself to look away from where they touched. Such an easy gesture. Something they did before, would do again.

“Are you scared of a school trip?” Karasuma sounded confused. “You both remember what you did before coming here?”

They didn’t answer. Nagisa scowled and stared at the ground.

“Look, stay behind if you want. I’ll get a main campus teacher to supervise you for a few days.”

That got them moving. Karasuma smiled slightly to himself. 

“Sometimes it’s too easy.”

They heard Nagisa shriek from inside the bus, followed by the sound of a large body being thrown against a window.

“Never mind.”

They hurried on. 

The bus took them to the train station, where they would be riding in third class to Kyoto. Further down the tracks another group in their school uniform were boarding the train. They sneered down at them from first class boarding.

Karma considered following them. Even first-class facilities couldn’t be that nice when your head was stuck in a toilet. He was distracted from this thought when Karasuma called him over.

“Terasaka already has a nose bleed. No more fighting, got it Karma? I can put you on school arrest too.”

“Got it teach, you don’t need to worry.”

Karasuma handed him a long thin cord. The other end was tied around Nagisa’s wrist.

“Why is he on a leash?”

“Because he tried to kill Terasaka. He’s not being trustworthy. Sugino isn’t strong enough to hold him so you have to.”

Nagisa tossed his curls and started hissing to Kayano. She gave them both disapproving glances and whispered back.

“Just… hold it.”

Karma obviously didn’t pass up this opportunity to drag Nagisa full speed up the steps and along the train carriage. Nagisa shrieked again while Kayano sprinted after them, also yelling. 

Karasuma put another leash on Karma and tied them both to their seats.

“I hate you both. Shut up and sit still.”

Karma growled at the world at large and received no response other than laughter. Nagisa rhythmically slammed his head against his seat before Karasuma tied him to the head rest. He then started murmuring incoherently to himself.

This was going to be a long trip. 

Karasuma untied them when they got to the station. He clearly had severe misgivings about unleashing them on Kyoto, but he did eventually send them off.

Sugino and Kanzaki took the lead while Nagisa and Kayano clung together in the middle. Okuda and Karma took the rear.

Kayano wasn’t joking about not liking the outside world. She glared at anyone unfortunate enough to come close. She clutched Nagisa arm whenever she made eye contact with people or cats.

“Can you please calm down? You’re freaking Nagisa out.” Asked Sugino under his breath.

Karma watched with some amusement as Nagisa gradually became more and more skittish. He suddenly stopped dead in the middle of the street and sat down.

“What are you doing? Get up!” Sugino was absolutely scandalized. Nagisa hugged himself tight and shrugged. He stared right past Sugino to a shop window.

“Get up! People are looking at us!” 

“Right, you have 5 seconds before I pick you up.” Announced Karma. They all stared at him in horror, except Nagisa who absently picked at the skin on his hand.

“That’s really not a good idea…” began Kayano.

“5…4…”

“Let’s not cause a scene.” Begged Okada.

“3…2…”

“Kanzaki covered her ears to prepare.

“1.”

He hooked one arm under Nagisa’s knees and the other around his torso and hoisted him up into a princess carry. He braced himself in the moment of silence that followed. The extended calm made him naively think Nagisa might peacefully accept this turn of events.

Then, true to form, he started screaming. 

Karma carted him down a side street while the others trailed after them nervously.

“I want to go back to school.” Whined Kayano. She clutched Sugino’ arm tight.

“It’s not nice out here.”

Karma was too focused on not being kicked in the face to mock her. He threw Nagisa heavily on the ground and knelt on his back. Nagisa thrashed violently, almost flipping them over. His head snapped to the side and he sunk his teeth into Karma’s exposed wrist. The yelp he made was embarrassingly high pitched, but he didn’t have time to care. He ripped his arm away. A single thin line of blood ran down his palm. He pressed Nagisa’s face to the pavement so hard he couldn’t turn his head without scratching himself raw.

“Maybe let him up?” Asked Sugino. “Usually only Karasuma does this.” He fiddled with his arm bands and unconsciously tried to detach himself from Kayano.

Okuda made to help Nagisa up before a glare from Karma sent her hiding behind Kanzaki.

“This is ridiculous. You can’t just let him do whatever he wants! This is literally a tantrum. He’s not 2. If you just treat him right,” he lifted Nagisas head and slammed it back down, “he’ll calm down. See?”

Nagisa had stopped actively struggling and lay almost still. The only thing that betrayed his nerves were soft tremors coursing through him. He scratched half heartedly on the ground before giving up. Karma caught a glimpse of a small pink tongue run over his white white teeth.

“Well. What do you say?”

“I’m sorry.” Nagisas voice was rough and quiet. “I’m really sorry.”

“And?”

“And… I’ll do whatever you want? Please.”

“I was more looking for a promise to act like a normal fucking person for a few hours.”

“I will, I can, I can do that. Please, please don’t…”

Karma twisted his hair until Nagisa turned his head towards him. His eyes were completely empty, like a dolls. His check was scraped red, and he’d bitten his lip so hard blood trickled down his chin.

“I’m sorry, so sorry.” He murmured. He wasn’t talking to Karma.

Karma let go of his hair and Nagisa pressed his face back into the ground. Kayano muttered something most likely unimportant to Sugino.

“Do you want to get up?”

He didn’t answer.

“Just ask.”

Nagisa looked at him again, frowning.

“Please… please get off me.”

Karma stood up. Nagisa pulled himself to a sitting position and stared at him.

“You got up.”

“I did. See? That’s called using your words. It’s how humans communicate.”

“You spent many years of your childhood lacking meaningful communication with the adults in your life. This is what lead you do your violent temperament; it was previously the only way you knew how to express your emotions. You still have difficulty understanding the nuances of your own fears.”

Karma very nearly climbed back on top of him. 

“What are you doing?”

They looked up to see a crowd of the worst monsters on earth. High schoolers. 

“Don’t you know this place is ripe for a kidnapping? 

A second group closed in behind them. 

“Hand over the girls and we’ll leave you be. Sound fair?”

Karma slammed him into the ground. He wrapped a blanket grabbed from a bicycle around another’s head and shoved him against a wall. 

He turned to his group, prepared for their shock/horror/adoration.

Did they look... bored? How dare they?

He was so outraged by this he didn’t notice the guy who punched him in the back of the head. He went down hard and was surrounded by painful kicking feet.

This was not fun, he did not enjoy this. The feet moved away from him and he looked up to see… the main guy lying unconscious? 

Kayano crouched on another’s chest with Suginos tie wrapped around his neck like a garrotte. He was slowly turning purple. Meanwhile Kanzaki and Okadu where using the bicycle as a half barricade half battering ram, defending against anyone who came close. 

Some fool had made the mistake of grabbing Nagisa. There was a lot of screaming.

Sugino grabbed his wrist and yanked him upright.

“Move” he commanded, pulling him forward. The girls charged forward with their improvised battering ram, making the high schoolers jump out of the way. Karma shook Sugino off and ran with them. 

A few of the boys followed them for a second, giving up once they got to the busy Main Street. They kept running, just in case. 

A few streets away they stopped and leant against a wall. 

“That was intense.” Said Kanzaki.

“I like it out here, it’s fun.” They stared at Kayano. Karma once again tried to guess her criminal record. 

“Does that count as physical harm? Because they attacked first. Can Karasuma get angry for this?”

Sugino shrugged. “Probably not. You and Nagisa are fine. Fuck.”

“What? Oh no.” Said Kayano.

Karma pressed his fingers to his temples to dissuade the coming head acke. 

“Who wants to bet on whether he’s still alive?” 

“”I think I’m more worried about them being alive.” Said Sugino mournfully. “I can’t believe we messed up our one job!”

“How bad can it be? If we go back now he’ll be alone for like 30 minutes. Not even Nagisa can cause that much trouble in 30 minutes. 

Karma pictured Nagisa, the weird wiry strength in Nagisa’s thin body, how much screaming that one guy had been doing, Karasuma tying him up with way to much skill. He ran a finger over the deep tooth marks in his wrist.

“We… we should go get him. For everyone’s sake.”

Chapter Text

It was all Kayano’s fault. Nagisa would stand by that statement until the day he died. Inviting Karma into their group was one of the worst decisions in the history of the world. 

He sulked right up until they got on the bus. Kayano’s good mood had faded by this point, so he let her have the window seat. He let her hold his hand to calm down. Her sharp nails dug into the burned flesh of his wrist. He winced but didn’t pull away. She deserves this. She does, she deserves this because 

“I do so much for you Nagisa! How can you do this?” Her nails dig into his wrists. 

“Please?” He tries to get free but she only holds tighter. She pulls hard so he falls forward into his knees. Suddenly she lets go of his wrists only to wrap her hands around his throat.

“I ask for one thing from you Nagisa, one thing! Obedience.”

Her grip tightens till he spits out anything, everything to make her stop.

“I’m sorry, I swear I’m sorry, I’ll do it, I will, I’ll do it, I’ll…”

More hands reach out from the dark and wrap around his shoulders, his mouth his waist and legs until he’s trapped so tightly he feels his skin will burst. 

A voice by his ear whispers, too close too close,

“Excited Nagisa? I bet you’ll make this trip interesting.” 

He screamed, arms lashing out to make them go away.

Terasaka yells as he’s sent tumbling backwards into the window. 

Nagisa stared at his hands, they won’t stop shaking? Why won’t they stop shaking? Where is he?

He’s standing in the bus aisle? Kayano’s staring at him, fingers in her mouth. She bites her nails so badly they bleed, in needs to stop her…

He can’t move, his feet are stuck to the floor, he wails, hands whipping out. They hit soft flesh and Terasaka falls over. Again. 

He tries to apologise but only a thin shriek comes out. It’s not fair he was going to try! He was going to be normal! He was he was he was he

Karasuma sprints down the bus towards him, he’s so big, what should he do? He can’t get out of the way he can’t he can’t…

Karasuma scoops him up and carries him to the back of the bus. He lowers him onto the back seat and holds him down while he thrashes. He feels the bus start to move as his breathing evens out.

“Remember our conversation? The one we had 30 seconds ago?”

“I’m sorry.”

“I know.”

“But… I didn’t do criminal activity.”

His heart shoots up into his throat. Why would he say that? Why would he contradict the person holding him down? He feels himself start to shake again. Karasuma immediately gets up and pulls him to his feet.

“Calm down you’re not in trouble.”

Nagisa squints at him. He might be lying. Karasuma roots through his travel bag and pulls out a long cord. He tied it to his unburned wrist.

Nagisa smiled and sat down. Now he had to be good! This would make it easy! He couldn’t make a mistake like this!

He needs to stop underestimating just how much Karma likes chaos. He shrikes as Karma drags him down the full length of the train car. 

Karasuma grabbed him and hauled him to where Kayano and Sugino were sitting. He strapped him down to the chair so tight he couldn’t even fight.

No. Please. 

He swallowed. He couldn’t make Karasuma mad. He was already putting up with so much! He tried to hold still as Karasuma checked the bindings. His hand brushed against Nagisa’s face and he flinched so hard he bit his own tongue. His eyes watered as Karasuma’s fingers moved to his neck. Each of his muscles turned to ice but all Karasuma did was loosen a length of cord around his throat.

“We don’t want you to choke.” He said quietly.

Karma said quite a lot of words, none of them polite. He had no qualms fighting against his ropes.

“I hate you both. Shut up and sit still.”

Nagisa tried to settle. It was only a few hours. He could deal with that. 

He flexed his shoulders slightly. 

A cold had wrapped around the back of his neck.

“You know why this is happening, don’t you Nagisa?”

He shakes his head.

“Oh I think you do. Tell me.”

“I ripped the dress.”

“Almost.”

Her nails dig into his skin. He strains lightly against the belt tying him to the table but deep down he knows there is no point. He hears the click of the lighter.

“No.”

“Just admit what you did. It’s not hard.”

She presses it to the soft underside of his arm. He screams and tries to pull away. It follows him for the few inches of freedom his has with the belt.

“Please.”

She pulls it away for a second. The brief moment of relief makes it even worse when she pressed it back to the same spot.

He sobs, cringing away.

“I ripped the dress! I ripped it I’m sorry.”

“That’s not all. What else did you do?”

“I don’t know?” It hurts to talk, his throat is dry from crying.

“Please, please I’m sorry. I love you.”

“Then tell me what you did.”

She pulls the lighter away and he chokes in a breath. Then she slips her hand under his shirt to press the lighter to his waist.

“You ruined my evening Nagisa. You deliberately made me suffer because of your disobedience. And you enjoyed doing it. Understand?”

He nods. He can’t speak through the burning. 

She pulls away and stands, brushing off her shirt. He smiles hopefully as she unties him and drags him over the floor. Are they done?

The hope dies when she pulls him to the closet and shoved him inside. The dark swallows him as she closes the door and leaves him in the cramped small burning nothingness. It’s like he disappeared. He presses a hand to the new burn on his waist. The pain doesn’t help. He lifts his head. So tired. So thirsty. He puts it back down. Up again. Down again. Up and down. Faster. Faster. Up and down. Up down up down up down until he sinks into a deeper kind of blackness.

Karasuma ties him to the headrest to stop him hitting his head. He apologises though no one seems to hear him. It must have been annoying to listen to him move so much.

Karasuma untied them when they arrived at the station. He clearly had severe doubts about releasing them into the wild, but he did eventually let them go. 

It was very loud in the city. So many people he didn’t know. Sugino and Kanzaki formed a small barricade in front of him and Kayano, protecting them from the worst of the crowd. He was very aware of Karma walking behind him. Kayano didn’t think the protection was enough. 

She clung tight to his arm whenever anything so much as looked at her. He wanted to be there for her, he did. She was his favourite girl ever…

“Have you forgotten me already? How dare you?”

Kayano whines and digs her nails into his arm. One presses deep into a burn and he gasps, tugging away. She looks at him, wounded.

I’m sorry

He stops. This needs to be fixed, Kayano can’t be upset with him! If he hurts Kayano then what will he have? 

His eyes drift away from her face and fixed on a shop window behind her. The dress. 

He remembered how it felt, the soft silky fabric. The prettiest shade of blue that went so well with his hair. Do it Nagisa I know you want to touch touch touch it come on grow up just reach out you know you want this 

His legs give out. This is just a coincidence. Obviously a dress would be sold in different places. It doesn’t mean anything. It can’t.

Voices worm around him but they’re not important. How can they be? He wraps his arms around himself. He can feel the roughness of his skin, even through his shirt. He deserved them, all of them, but 

 It hurts. I’m sorry.

That never stopped them.

He was suddenly lifted right up in the air. What did he do this time? He squinted through the haze in his head. Who was this? Who was lifting him? Could it be

Karma? He was in Karmas’s arms? His ear was pressed against Karma’s chest. Deep inside he felt the gentle vibration of his heart. He half closed his eyes as he imagined the soft rush of blood being pumped around his body. He ran his tongue over his teeth and breathed deeply, that sweet, boiled sugar smell. 

And then he felt a hand brush against the worst burns on his left wrist.

So he screamed. What else could he do?

Karma slammed him down on the ground and pressed him against the rough pavement. Nagisa lashed out and buried his teeth into Karma’s wrist. The sweet shock of blood flooded his mouth and his entire body shook. Karma lifted his head up and slammed it back down. He didn’t care. Not with the most glorious taste that made every nerve hum. He lay as still as he could aside from that uncontrollable shaking. 

Slowly the shaking got worse. Karma pressed him down harder so the rough pavement cut up his face

“I’m sorry.” Nagisas voice was rough and quiet. “I’m really sorry.”

He couldn’t move, Karma could do anything. What would he want? What would he do to him to get it?

“And?”

“And… I’ll do whatever you want? Please.”

Please don’t kill me. I won’t fight. Please please please…

“I was more looking for a promise to act like a normal fucking person for a few hours.”

“I will, I can, I can do that. Please, please don’t…”

 Don’t what? Did it matter? His burns itched under his shirt. Hands clawed all over him, his arms and his face, his legs and his stomach. The crept under his cloths and trailed all over his skin, burning.  They wanted, they wanted and he gave in. He had to, it’s all he knew how to do.

And they knew it. That’s why they’d never let him go, why bother? It’s so ways to hold him down and just…

“Do you want to get up?”

He didn’t answer.

“Just ask.”

Nagisa looked at him again, frowning.

“Please… please get off me.”

Karma stood up. Nagisa pulled himself to a sitting position and stared at him.

“You got up.”

“I did. See? That’s called using your words. It’s how humans communicate.”

“You spent many years of your childhood lacking meaningful communication with the adults in your life. This is what lead you do your violent temperament; it was previously the only way you knew how to express your emotions. You still have difficulty understanding the nuances of your own fears.”

“What are you doing?”

A group of high schoolers? How unexpected.

A tall one crouched on the ground beside him.

“Let’s go.” He said and his hands crept towards him. “You’ll enjoy this.”

Nagisa smiled at him and leaned close. The boy leaned in to meet him.

“Yes.” Nagisa whispered against his cheek. “I’ll enjoy this.”

He bit down on his ear and ripped.

It feels good when you are not the one screaming. 

Someone wrapped their arms around him from behind to he slammed his head back. He heard the crunch as someone’s nose broke. He twisted around to grab his hair and dug his teeth into his face.

The blood filled his mouth. Not as good as Karma’s, but beggars can’t be choosers. 

He grinned and bit again.

When the two were completely unconscious he looked around for Sugino. Sugino loved watching people get hurt, he’d enjoy this!

“Sugino?”

Where had they gone? The ally was empty except for him and the bodies.

“I’m by myself.” He called. “It’s against the rules.”

He picked at the skin on his left hand.

“I’m all alone.” He tried. Nothing. No one. 

He sat down in the growing pool of blood around him and closed his eyes. If he tried really hard he could still feel Karma’s skin beneath his teeth.

Nagisa went through the pockets of the guy who’s ear he had bitten off. He regretted that. So much blood had gotten into his mouth, Karma’s taste had completely vanished. He paused and pressed a hand to his heart. It beat awfully fast under his fingertips. Karma. What had he felt? Anything? Nothing? He slowly moved his hand down his chest till it rested on his lower stomach.

He shook himself and went back to the pockets. He found a wallet with a sad crumple of money. In fairness, it was a fortune when compared to his current net worth of zero.

After a moment of consideration, he carefully pulled the jacket off the least blood soaked guy. Underneath he wore a large shirt that was mostly unstained. He pulled that off too and put it on over his own cloths. It more or less hid the blood stains. The guy started moving which Nagisa took a que to leave.

He walked back to the main street trying to figure out where to go. It had been so long since he had to make decisions like this. Even before the school arrest his mother had planned his days out almost to the minute. What did he like doing?

He ended up outside the shop with The Dress. It was given pride of place in the window. Of course it was. It was a beautiful dress. He had been beautiful in it.

He stepped inside the shop and wandered through the over lit aisles. Why was the music so loud? It seemed unnecessary. He found a whole rack of his dress. There was only one left in his size. Fate.

The fabric felt soft under his fingers. He pulled the hanger from the rack and held it in front of him. Like she had. Before  

“It suits you!” The shop assistant is overly friendly, sensing a possible sale. “Would you like to try it on?”

She takes his elbow and guides him towards the ladies dressing room. She pauses outside a cubicle. They are reflected in the wall sized mirror in the back. Nagisa stares at himself for the first time in a while. Behind him the assistant shuts the curtain. Alone he steps closer to the mirror and presses his hand to it.

His reflection smiles shyly. It reaches up to take its hair out of the ponytails Kayano taught him to do. It’s hair falls down, longer than it used to be. Its soft, a thick wave nearly reaching it’s waist. His reflection holds the dress up in front of him. So pretty. Mother would be happy if they wore it. She deserved to be happy, she did so much for them. He drops it on the floor as his reflection smiles wider.

“How dare you.” It whispered. “How could you do this to my mother?”

His reflection smooths down the wide skirts of the dress its wearing. The short sleeves show off its ugly arms while the skirt puts its messed up legs on show. Nagisa swallows’ bile as he stares at the warped expanse of skin.

He steps backward and half falls through the curtain.

“So did you like it?” The shop assistant looks so hopeful. “No?”

He turns and runs. He runs until his chest aches and his legs burn. Until he’s so dizzy he can’t see and so exhausted he can’t think of anything except...

Something smells good. He sees a long row of food stalls. Sharp spices and the tangy smell of roasted meet. He was never allowed buy food from places like these. It wasn't healthy, especially all that red meat.

He buys as much as he can carry. The stall owners smile at him, like he's sweet. They seem less amused when he rips into the food. A bite of this, a bit of that. So many flavours all at once. He has to sit down to cope with them all. He finds a quiet street corner and eats until he can't bare anymore. Being full is such a strange feeling. He sucks the juices off a kebab stick as he considers what to do next. 

A small cat wonders past him. It's mangy and ugly, definitely a stray. Nagisa tosses the last of his food at it. Once the cat has eaten he scoops it up to see better. One of it's eyes are cloudy and strange. Beautiful. How would you do that to a person?

“Shiota Nagisa?” Nagisa looks up to see Asano Gakashuu staring at him from a huddle of A-Class students. Nagisa flung the cat at his face and sprinted. Unfortunately he was already exhausted and Ren Sakakibara, the ever loyal henchman, easily caught him. Nagisa could have bitten him… but he’d already broken quite a lot of rules. He was breaking the don’t-be-alone rule just by existing. So… staying with this group and not attacking anybody was definitely good!

He smiled and allowed himself to be led back. Karasuma would be pleased! He liked when Nagisa didn’t attack people.

Gakashuu got the cat to unhook its claws from his nose and threw it away from him. It knew when to cut it's losses and run. He then inspected Nagisa closely.

“What are you wearing? That’s not school uniform.”

He flicked the collar of Nagisa’s stolen shirt. Nagisa pulled if off exposing the blood-soaked cloths underneath. The group took a half step back. Except Gakashuu. He simply leaned even closer to inspect Nagisa’s teeth.

“All that with a few bites? Impressive, even for a psychopath.”

Nagisa let his eyes flick to Gakashuu’s shoulder. He imagined the ring of scars he’d made last time they spoke. Gakashuu frowned and grabbed his chin, forcing him to look into his eyes.

“We can’t leave you unsupervised. You’ll have to come with us. After we buy you a new outfit.”

After Nagisa put his stolen shirt back on he obediently followed them to a store. Ren picked out jeans and a black T-shirt for him. Nagisa offered up the last of the money he’d liberated from the guys pockets but was waved away. After paying for the cloths Gakashuu sent him off to change.

Admittedly it was a weird situation.

When dressed he left the fitting room with his uniform folded under his arm. The group formed a half circle between him and any exits.

“Now” 

One boy lunged forward and snatched his cloths out of his hands. Two others grabbed his arms and held him while the first guy ran. He started shrieking as he was half pulled half carried out of the shop. Outside Gakashuu shoved a bottle of water against his mouth. Once he stopped choking, he realised he was actually really thirsty and calmed down long enough to drink properly.

“There. Much better.” Said Gakashuu approvingly.

“Your deep-rooted need for structure and control stems from a simultaneous sense of abandonment and suffocation towards your father. This confusing sensation manifests as a desire to be shown obedience. Also, you learned that water trick from your father. He does it too, during our meetings.”

He chews on the edge of the bottle while Gakashuu looks him up and down.

“You have a deep-rooted need for structure and rules because your strict upbringing left you with very little sense of self.”

“Obviously.”

They stare at each other for a long moment before Nagisa reaches out to touch Gakashuu’s stomach. 

“Here. Four days ago.” He says gently. “Because… History. A 92. How shameful. Your father told me.”

 Gakashuu slaps his hands away. He grabs Nagisa’s hand and digs his nails into the burn. 

“How did this happen?” He twists his wrist till it cracks. Nagisa just shrugs.

“Alright you win. What do we do now? Do you know how to get to the hotel?”

Gakashuu starts walking and his posse automatically follow. Ren took his arm to prevent him from running off. Nagisa grudgingly allowed the contact. They did arrive at the hotel, but Ren didn’t let him go. They went right upstairs to a bedroom. It was big for a hotel room, though it still felt cramped from all the people. Gakashuu seemed to agree as he sent everyone except the big 5 away.

“Do you want a drink?” Asked Gakashuu. “Anything you want, non-alcoholic. We don’t want to ruin our reputations.” He smiled. “At least, I don’t want to ruin my reputation. Do have something. You don't want me to tell my father you attacked me do you?" He taps the fresh cat scratches on his cheek and nose. 

Nagisa shrugged and Natsuhiko Koyama headed off to the mini fridge to get drinks. They all sat on the bed like it was a totally normal sleepover.

“Do you remember our little conversation Nagisa?”

“The one where I bit you?”

Gakashuu made a face like he was sucking a lemon. Koyama chose this moment to reappear with the drinks. He handed Nagisa a glass of something fizzy.

He brought it to his mouth as everyone drank. He felt theirs eyes on him, stolen glances. He flicked the tip of his tongue against the rim of the glass. So sweet.

He puts the glass on the bedside drawer.

“Just because I’m a criminal doesn’t mean I’m an idiot. Maybe don’t send your science mule to make the drinks? It gives things away so easily.”

Gakashuu rolls his eyes. “You aren’t accusing me of trying to drug you.” A command rather than a statement.

“Then let’s swap.”

He smiles when Gakashuu looks away 

“I’m going to find my class. Nice try though.” He gets up and starts to walk towards the door. He felt rather than heard Gakashuu follow him. He began to scream when Gakashuu grabbed his arm. Gakashuu has to use both hands to hold him as he started to thrash. 

Then something wet pressed against his mouth. His eyes blew wide and Gakashuu kissed him, forcing his tongue past his clenched teeth. The kiss was full of plastic and some sort of powder. It clung to the inside of his mouth and slipped painfully down his throat. His muscles clenched and unclenched uncontrollably, and his vision swam with colours. 

Gakashuu pulled away and took a ripped plastic bag out of his mouth.

“I can taste it.” He muttered. “Will this affect me?”

“You didn’t ingest much, definitely not as much as him.”

Koyama? He inspected Gakashuu’s eyes and then Nagisa’s.

“See his pupils? They’ll get even wider when it kicks in all the way.”

Nagisa whines as everybody suddenly seems so big. 

“Why?”

Gakashuu leads him back to the bed. He can’t resist, his body doesn’t know how. He floats above them all.

“How do you feel? Obedient?”

Nagisa nods. Tears prick in his eyes as his head pounds. What is he doing?

The voice keeps talking as someone’s hands touch his leg.

“I just have a few questions. Do you want to answer them?”

He can feel his heart beating in his palms. He stared at them. Are they his? Are they hands? The room twirls around him.

“Why does my father want you? What do you talk about in your meetings? Why do you talk about me? He told me you do. That's all he ever say's.” 

"You have...a ... deep... control... I...." 

A pretty pair of shiny eyes stare deep inside him.

“What happened to your hand?”

Nagisa scratches at the burned skin and smiles. The voice is so soft, the face so sweet. Why should he lie? It’s so much easier to tell the truth. 

He starts to speak.

Chapter Text

This was officially the first time Karma saw someone’s eye twitch. He heard the line in books and saw drawings of the action in comics, but this was different. And a tad scary if he’s being honest.

“Are you having a stoke Sir?”

Karasuma’s eye twitched even harder.

“You. Lost. Nagisa.”

“Yes, exactly.”

“Nagisa Shiota. The one who has absolutely no understanding of social norms. The one who habitually attacks people. The one who hasn’t been unsupervised in over 5 months. The one I expressly told you to watch. That Nagisa.”

“Do you know any other Nagisa’s?”

Karma stretched his arms while Karasuma searched for the will to live. The others in his group were crowded outside listening through the door. Karma didn’t know why he’d been elected to break this news to their teacher, but he felt just concerned enough for the Kyoto population at large to not fight it. They did need to find the maniac after all. Who knows how many people have been chewed so far?

“Should we call the police?”

“I’ll speak to the principle. He may want to avoid a scandal. Please tell me Kayano’s ok? Did you take her to any furniture suppliers?”

The question threw him. He heard an angry huff from behind the door so clearly a nerve was struck in some capacity. He disregarded it.

“I’m going to bed, see you in the morning.”

Karasuma raised his hand and Karma stepped back quickly. They stared at each other for a long moment.

“OK. I need you to walk with me to the principles room. It’s important you stay close. I won’t grab your arm, but I need you come with me. Do we understand each other? Verbal answer.”

“Whatever. Sir.”

Karasuma knew when to accept his win and go. He collected the rest of them outside the door and led them upstairs to the principles room. The principle was waiting in the doorway. Karma felt a pinprick of unease as he stepped into the room. It was a normal hotel room, immaculately clean. Kayano immediately sat on the bedside table which nearly sent Sugino into hysterics. The two adults ignored her.

Principle Asano began. “You lost your charge.”

“How… did you know?” Asks Karasuma.

“My son found him.” Beside Karma Sugino stiffened. The principle smiles.

“You’ll see him at breakfast.”

“He’s been assigned to sleep in a group dorm.” Said Karasuma cautiously.

“Yes, but you have proven unequipped to manage him. The A-Class are using this opportunity to learn control. They’ll take charge of him for the next few hours. There is no need to worry. I’ll make sure you check on him. Now, I recommend you take this evening to study. We know how much your group needs it.”

“He’s not an animal.” Says Karasuma. “He’s not something to control.”

“Let’s agree to disagree.”

 He politely ushers them out of the room. Kayano looks at him on the way out. The mutual disgust on their face’s piques Karma’s curiosity but Sugino is focused on their other issue.

“What are we going to do? He’s obviously been kidnapped!”

“Let’s all just calm down.” Reasoned Karasuma. “Gakashuu is a very… accomplished young man. I’m sure he knows how to take care of Nagisa.”

“Sure, lets let the insane Nagisa alone with the equally insane chairman’s son!” muttered Kayano. “When I see him, I’ll…”

“Who is Gakashuu?” This was such a stupid question on Karma’s part it silenced the entire group. Then they all started talking at once. Loudly.

To summarise, they didn’t like Gakashuu. At all. Partly because he was incredibly stuck up and annoying, partly because he frequently tried to attack Nagisa due to unknown but much speculated reasons. And now Nagisa was in his clutches.

Karma decided to go to bed. Things would take care of themselves by the time he woke up. It wasn’t like Nagisa couldn’t handle himself.

There was no need to worry. He should just forget about him.

Karma didn’t sleep well that night.

Nagisa didn’t turn up the next morning. Or the next afternoon. Kayano had a Nagisa scaled meltdown, giving Karma a bloody nose. Sugino and Kanzaki were forced to tie him to a chair to save Kayano’s life. He was only released when he swore not to retaliate. Karasuma wound tighter and tighter as the hours passed. He was so high-strung Karma seriously considered googling the nearest hospital in case of a heart attack.

How bad could it be? What had Gakashuu done previously to cause this much worry? Nagisa was fine, he had to be.

No one in his group felt like going out to explore Kyoto. They stayed inside playing cards and trying to stop Kayano from breaking furniture. Karasuma took it upon himself to stay with them and supervise. He kept a particularly close eye on Karma, which he found incredibly insulting.  What had he ever done? He was practically an angel considering the other people present.

In general, the day was relatively uneventful after the nose incident. No injuries, unless you counted the blow to his pride when Kanzaki completely annihilated him at every video game they tried. They were all in the common room when there was a small knock on the door.

Karasuma opened it. In in the corridor was Nagisa, soaking wet with a split lip and not in uniform. Karma had never actually seen him not in uniform. His legs looked very thin out of their usually baggy pants. He smiled mechanically and picked at his long sleeves.

“I’m sorry.”

“Get in.” the vein in Karasuma’s head pulsed. “Why did you spend the night with Asano Gakashuu of all people? What were you thinking?”

“That I was not allowed to be alone? He was the first person I found.”

“Why are you all wet? Where is your uniform? And what happened to your lip?”

“I showered in my cloths, Gakashuu has it and I can’t remember.”

“Care to explain further?”

“No. Sorry.”

Karasuma rubbed a hand across his face and composed himself.

“Go shower again. Not in your cloths. I’ll find you something to wear and I’ll get you a new uniform tomorrow when we get back. Try not to die until then, ok?”

Nagisa nodded. Karasuma waved him towards his friends who were practically vibrating in anticipation. They swarmed him, petting him all over and cooing over his lip. Nagisa put up with the touches with a thin smile. His eyes seemed very dead in his pale face.

Kayano put her head on his shoulder and kept it there. Sugino came up with an elaborate and rather concerning revenge plan for the A-Class. Kanzaki and Okuda hung back a little but still nodded along with Sugino. Okuda offered to make an acid so corrosive it would melt their bones which gave Karma emotional whiplash. She had been so sweet.

He stayed at the couch and ignored them. It wasn’t like Nagisa was his friend. He didn’t particularly care. Karma Akabane had a lot of strengths in his own opinion. But his one weakness was curiosity. The psychopath was injured, properly so. And he wasn’t screaming for once.

When Nagisa disentangled himself to have a shower Karma followed. He stays quiet until they are alone in the corridor.

“What happened?”

Nagisa smiles at him. It’s manic and cold, not reaching his eyes. He tugs at it with his unburned hand, nails digging into the skin around his lips.

“I can’t remember.”

Karma laughs. “You can’t remember. Sure, you can’t. Why do you always have to be the most dramatic person in the room? Why can’t you just relax and be normal for once? Do you know how upset everyone was? Did you see my face? My nose is fucking purple! You and Kayano, you just can’t let people relax. You don’t care do you? If you did, you’d tell your friends where you were.”

“I swear I don’t… I don’t know.” Nagisa smiles wider as his eyes turn wet and glassy. “I remember being by myself and finding Gakashuu, going with them, and then nothing. I woke up in Gakashuu’s bed and that’s it! I don’t know!”

They stare at each other in silence. It fills the space between them, thick and cold.

“I’m sorry. I don’t know why I am like this. I wish I wasn’t.” Nagisa swallows. “I’m going to try. I am.” His nails did deeper into his smile.

Karma grabs his wrist and peals it away from his face. He holds it by Nagisa’s side and he lets him. His bones feel very thin against his hand. Nagisa lifted his hand and touched Karma’s face very gently. His burned skin felt rough and dry.

“Does it hurt very much? Kayano’s stronger than she looks.”

“I noticed.”

Nagisa glanced over his shoulder and went red. He pulled away and hurried off to the shower. Karma didn’t see anything behind him, so he shrugged and returned to the others. When he stepped inside the room, they were all staring at him with the strangest smiles. Even Karasuma.

“What?”

“I earned myself 4 pudding cups.” Kayano told him smugly. Sugino muttered to himself and checked his wallet, clearly the one about to provide the pudding cups.

“How? What were you doing while I was talking to Nagisa?”

“You could have waited.” Said Sugino while counted change. “I was hoping for at least another two weeks.”

Karma decided they were acting in their normal bizarre way and should be ignored accordingly. He settled down beside Kanzaki and emotionally prepared himself to be obliterated at Mario Kart.

Chapter Text

Nagisa didn’t talk to anyone the evening after Karma let him touch him. After his shower he’d joined his friends and watched Kanzaki destroy Karma at everything. Even snap. Karma blushed red.

Nagisa pictured the blood rushing through his veins, staining his skin in that glorious red.

He pressed his fingers against the new marks on his shoulders. He wouldn’t bite Karma again. Never. It wasn’t… he doesn’t like it.

He didn’t speak to anyone the next morning either. Kayano respected his silence, partly because she was too focused on the pudding Sugino bought her, partly because she was still mildly upset at the outside world’s existence. The second they were back in school and he was ok to talk he knew she’d grill him about what she’d seen in the hallway. That was too embarrassing to even think about. Besides, what would he say? What had happened? Nothing? Something? Everything?

He closed his eyes and tried to forget about it.

By the time they arrived back at school the sun was setting. Kayano immediately ran around to all her favourite places, assuring herself they were still there. For her the trip would become just a distant memory. She was good at ignoring experiences she didn’t like. Usually.

Karma wondered off upstairs, probably to sleep. It was his favourite activity after all. He also wanted to hide under his blankets and forget about the trip, but Karasuma had other plans.

“My office.” He said quietly. Nagisa followed him at a distance, picking at his shoulders under his t-shirt. Flakes of skin peeled off under his nails. Disgusting

Karasuma rummaged around in the supply closet and picked him out a new uniform. Nagisa took it and tried to leave before Karasuma could stop him.

He failed.

Karasuma beckoned him over to his desk. He sat in his chair and Nagisa sat opposite him. He pulled at the fabric of his pants to separate them from his skin slightly. He stopped when Karasuma noticed and tried to focus on something else. The chair was better than the one in the principal’s office. Less likely to spontaneously collapse.

“Are you sure you don’t remember what happened? If you don’t, we might have to go to the police.”

Nagisa shot to his feet.

“I didn’t hurt them, I swear I didn’t! Please, I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok. Breath Nagisa. I know you didn’t. I’m just worried they may have hurt you.”

The new marks on his shoulders burned. Karasuma couldn’t know. He couldn’t.

“I’m going to say something and you’re not going to like it, but I don’t want you to panic, ok? Ready? I need you to take your shirt off.”

“No!”

“Hear me out. I noticed you’re bleeding.”

Nagisa’s head snapped down to his shoulder, but there was nothing. No blood, just his plain wrinkled shirt. He looked up for an explanation.

“Why did you assume I meant your shoulder?”

Nagisa looked away. Idiot.

“Exactly. You’re hurt. I am technically your state appointed guardian. I need to know how bad it is. I don’t want to upset you, but I have to see. Ok? I won’t touch you. I’ll stay on this side of the desk if you want. But I need you to work with me. Understand?”

Nagisa whined slightly, sitting back down. He brought his knees up to his chest and buried his face in them.

“I don’t want to.” He was so quiet anyone who wasn’t Karasuma wouldn’t have heard.

“Nagisa. Its me or a police officer. Your choice.”

He pressed his face against his knees so hard his head started to ring. Not the police, anything but them. It wouldn’t be just him in trouble this time, it would be…

It wasn’t her fault! She didn’t deserve to have people think badly of her. She loved him so much. She did! It was his fault, he was awful, he was disgusting, he was…

“Sorry.” He whispered. Karasuma sighed, assuming he was talking to him. Before he could get up Nagisa started to pull at his shirt. He slid it off quickly and uncurled from his protective ball. His shoulders hunched but he fought against every instinct screaming at him to hide. Karasumas eyes roamed over him clinically, taking it in. He swallowed. Twice now. He’d messed up twice.

He remembered.

“Take your shirt off.” commanded Gakashuu. “How far up do the burns go? Let me see.”

Nagisa smiled hazily. Why shouldn’t he show him? Such a nice boy. It will feel so nice to obey. To be good.

He clumsily pulls the t shirt over his head. Gakashuu’s eyes go wide as he stares.

So ugly. He knows he is. But he doesn’t try hide it. There’s no point. Nagisa shouldn’t have secrets, if people wanted them. He should just wait. Wait for instructions.

He feels Gakashuu’s gaze travel over his skin. The awful, scorched flesh traveling from his left hand up to his elbow. The little lighter burns all over his upper arms. The long deep scars over his stomach. The tiny almost invisible white nicks on his protruding rib cage. Nagisa smiles slowly. It seems to take hours for him to finish the action. Gakashuu moves to look at his back, the purple welts littering his shoulder blades. And the worst mark other than his hand, the thick triangular iron burn on the small of his back. Gakashuu’s fingers ghost over it, icy cold. Something in his head flashes, a small pain. Something’s wrong.

He moves away from Gakashuu’s touch.

“Don’t move.” He snaps, grabbing his arm. “I’m not done.”

Nagisa stands shakily, yanking himself free.

“I’m going,” he slurs. “You can’t keep me here.” He takes an unstable step towards the door. The faces around him flicker nervously, looking to Gakashuu for instructions.

“You’re going out like that? Don’t you want your cloths back?” he looks down at himself, registering his skin. With a low whine he crouches on the floor, wrapping his arms around himself. Hands grip his shoulders hard and he starts to scream.

Something is held over his mouth, and he starts to kick, hitting something soft. They grab his hair and rip his head back. His neck pops and he screams again at the pain. Someone hits his exposed throat hard enough to make him gag. He’s picked up and dragged back to his bed.

Gakashuu climes on top of him while the others try to pin his thrashing arms and legs.

“He’s got the body of a child, how is he this strong?” shrieked Araki just before being kicked in the face.

Gakashuu’s arm came stupidly lose to Nagisa’s mouth, so he bit down as hard as he could. He felt the skin spilt under his teeth and Gakasuu yelped, waving his arm around frantically. Nagisa lets go as his neck is wrenched so far to one side he actually thinks its broken. Gakashuu clutches his bleeding arm, shaking with anger.

“I am in control.” He snarls. “You are in my room! You are mine!”

Nagisa stares at him through the haze of drugs and pain as he opens his mouth wide and bites down on Nagisa’s shoulder. He writhes under him, this is not fun! No wonder people hate when he does this!

There’s a silence when Gakashuu stops, broken only by everyone’s heavy breathing.

“Was that… part of the plan?” whispers Araki.

“Shut up!” Ren hisses back. “He’s obviously working through something right now.”

Gakashuu glares at him before turning back to Nagisa. He runs a finger over the mark he made.

“You have serious phycological problems. And that’s coming from me.” Says Nagisa.

Gakashuu does not like that.

“Hold him.” He demands. Nagisa feels panic ripping its way through him and he thrashes harder than ever.

“No! No, no, no, no, no…” He begs as Gakashuu sinks his teeth into him again. And again. And again.

By the times he stops Nagisa isn’t begging anymore. Or crying. Or moving.

By the time he stops Nagisa isn’t Nagisa anymore. He’s just a body. Just a doll.

Gakashuu strokes his face gently as he pours more of the powder into his mouth. The others let go and step away from them, forming a small ring around the bed. They don’t meet his eyes.

His eyes close but he’s too empty to open them. Gakashuu is not done with him yet.

“Tell me,” He whispers. “Tell me what you do together, in his office. Tell me what you say.”

He does. Why shouldn’t he? It doesn’t matter. Nothing does. Gakashuu holds him as he speaks, holds him until he finally, finally sleeps.

Karasuma nods after a moment.

“You don’t need stitches. I’ll get you some plasters and antiseptic.”

Nagisa doesn’t answer.  

“Did you know human bites are actually very dangerous? We are just riddled with bacteria.”  As he speaks he reaches into his desk drawer and pulls out a first aid kit. He opens it and starts laying out antiseptic, clean cloths and plasters.

“Will I do it? Or do you want to do it yourself?”

Nagisa takes the bottle quickly and starts dripping the antiseptic onto a cloth. Karasuma watches him to make sure he does it right.

“You seem to have experience.” He says as Nagisa carefully cleans the marks. A few went so deep they are still sticky, they hadn’t had a chance to form scabs yet. They stung the worst. He keeps looking at his hands while he talks.

“Should I… should I clean all of them?” His voice comes out scratchy, almost failing to form the words. His throat shakes as he fights the urge to shut up, to keep it to himself. Karasuma stays quiet, leaving him room to continue. He knows that trick, it’s in all the therapy books. Let the other person speak, you’ll get more out of them. He doesn’t want to give Karasuma anything else. But he caused him so many problems, he owes him honesty. Of a sort.

“The… other ones?” bile rises in his throat. “On, my, legs?”

He tenses,  waiting for his response. Karasuma’s eyes flick down and back up again. Nagisa regrets saying it.

“Do I… need to show you?”

Karasuma takes a breath. “Are there many? Any deeper than the ones you already cleaned?”

He shakes his head.

“From what I’ve seen I think you can clean them yourself. Take the kit with you.”

Nagisa is so relived he could cry. But he doesn’t. It would just make Karasuma uncomfortable and he didn’t deserve that.,

“You are cleaning your burns, aren’t you? They can easily get infected too.”

He shrugs, which doesn’t make Karasuma mad. Yet. He didn’t exactly have many opportunities to go to a pharmacy. Not looking at him he finishes as quickly as possible and pulls his shirt back on. He wraps his arms around himself and holds tight. It’s not enough but it’s what he has.

Karasuma gestures for him to go.  He stands and prepares to run if needs to.

“I’m sorry” he says. “I know I say that a lot but I mean it. Ill never bite you again, I swear.  I didn’t think… I didn’t think it felt like this.”

Karasuma nods. He slowly repacks the first aid kit.

“Go find your friends Nagisa. I’ll find you something for the burns. I don’t want you catching an infection.”

Nagisa leaves before Karasuma can demand a form of payment for this. Just in case.

He stops off in his room to clean the bites on his legs. Afterwards he puts on all three of the jumpers he owns. After some consideration he pulls on an extra pair of loose P.E pants as well. He sweats under all the extra fabric.

It’s still not enough.

He finds Kayano in her room. Her roommates aren’t there so he can lie on her bed and watch her do her homework. Everything Kayano does is soothing. Almost everything.

The second she decided he wasn’t going to die she dives right in.

“So. You and Karma.” He buries his head in her pillow, but she snatches it away.

“Come on Nagisa! You literally tasted him the other day! Are you still going to eat him? What were you talking about? That was some serious eye contact back at the hotel! Oh my god, can I be your bridesmaid?”

“Kayano!”

“Please? I would look so good! But I swear I wouldn’t upstage you. On purpose.”

“You won’t upstage me because I’m not going to need a bridesmaid.”

“Fine, Sugino can be your best man instead. But I’m going to be your head caterer. I know exactly what your cake will look like!”

Nagisa groans and buries his face in her mattress. There was no point fighting. She had probably already picked out fabric samples for his tablecloths.

He smiled slightly while she prattled away. Now that he didn’t want to eat Karma, he didn’t, it would be so much easier to interact with him. They could be friends! Nagisa would see him and be totally normal. They could forget all about the trip and have fun.

Easy.

Kayano stops talking after a while and flops down beside him.  She’s close enough for her breath to ruffle his hair.

He woke up in Gakashuu’s arms. He’d still been asleep, he’d looked so soft. His breath brushed against his face. Nagisa’s shirt and jeans had been neatly folded on the bedside table.

He’d slipped out of his grip carefully. Was he allowed to leave? Would he be angry? The bites throbbed.  Fuck him.

He dressed and crept towards the door.

“Until next time Shiota.” He freezes, Gakashuu’s eyes burned into him. “I can’t wait.”

He holds Kayano’s hand tight. She whispers wedding plans until she almost drowns out the screaming in his head.

Chapter Text

Karma had more or less settled into a routine at school. Isogai would drag him out of bed every morning and he’d dress, eat breakfast, sleep in class and spend roughly 20 minutes on his homework. While everyone else studied he wandered around the mountain. It was a beautiful area, he could get lost for hours. He’d come back intime for dinner. Usually it was boring, healthy food with depressing desserts. (Fruit cups did not constitute a dessert, not in his world.) One day Nagisa noticed him moping over his rice. He’d wandered over and dumped the majority of his beef slices onto Karma’s plate.

“I don’t need your lunch.” He’d snapped.

“It’ll just get thrown away. Sugino gets my vegetables and Kayano gets my dessert. I only like rice.”

“That explains why you have the body of an underdeveloped pre-pubescent school girl.”

Nagisa had shrieked for a bit and been locked in the teachers lounge. Never the less, the next day he once again gave Karma his meat. Eventually Karma just started sitting with him, Sugino and Kayano. It was easier, and the food didn’t have a chance to get cold on the walk to his table.

The rest of the class would occasionally look up to make sure he was still alive. Isogai did a discreet wellness check on him at regular intervals. Terasaka flat out asked him if he had hit his head and sustained brain damage. They found it unfathomable that he would leave the safety of the main group to hang out with the only two people in the school with criminal records, and also Sugino. Karma’s defence was the free food. That’s all. It had nothing to do with the way Nagisa would forget his obvious issues and laugh. A real laugh, not the creepy one he used to mock people. A soft, happy, warm sound. Or that Kayano could tell the wildest stories. Or that Sugino could watch him beat a guy into the ground without batting an eye. That for once, he wasn’t the loose cannon. The danger. The bomb ready to blow.

He was just… him.

One day after 3 relatively uneventful weeks Karma was sitting on the school steps vaguely doing his homework. It was painfully easy, but so much effort. He’d have to actually pick up a pen…

Karasuma walked past carrying a squirming Nagisa. Sugino and Kayno followed along behind them.

“What happened this time?” he asked while dodging a kick to the face.

“No time to explain, I have to do damage control. Hold this.” He dropped Nagisa unceremoniously onto Karma. Both of them yelled and clawed at each other while Karasuma turned on his heel and marched away. Sugino grabbed Nagisa’s collar and pulled him to the grass. He sat on his back while Kayano sat on his legs.

Nagisa seemed to accept his fate as after a minute he stopped struggling and started humming to himself. Karma sat next to them.

“Well? Who did he try to murder.”

Nagisa made an indignant sound, muffled by the mouthful of grass he’d accidently consumed in the recent struggle.

“The captain of the baseball team. Shindo.” Sugino looked down. “I used to be the lead pitcher for the team, before I was sent here. He’s so pretentious. We walked by the court today and he was there, ready to lord over us E-Class nobodies. He thinks we do nothing but mess around up here, did you know that? He said I shouldn’t worry too much. Talent like mine wouldn’t have gotten me very far anyway.” He slammed his fist against the ground, narrowly missing Nagisa’s shoulder.

“I can’t stand him. He even wished me luck on tournament. He said he’d go easy on us in the first round!”

Sugino sighed dramatically and stared into the distance. While he went through his emo moment Kayano added,

“And then Nagisa climbed over the fence and jumped on him. They fell into the dug out and Nagisa screamed at him until the coach called Karasuma to drag him out.”

“Why didn’t you drag him out?”

“Because it was hilarious. Now Karasuma has to debate whether Nagisa can play in the baseball tournament next week.”

“We have a tournament?”

“Stop sleeping in class. I have to tell what’s going on.”

Kayano clearly signalled she was done with the conversation by lying across Nagisa’s legs and making grass whistles. For lack of anything better to do Karma lay down beside the pile of people and stared at the sky. It was almost peaceful.

The following Friday it was decided Nagisa could play in the tournament as long as he didn’t touch a baseball bat. Or a person. So he was assigned as the catcher, the position with the least potential for violence. The borrowed baseball equipment included a far too large helmet and chest protector. The chest protector was so old it was made of traditional wood and leather rather than Kevlar, so it had the added problem of being really heavy.  Karma laughed at him for a solid 10 minutes as he tried to walk around like a turtle in an oversized shell. The only reason Karma survived this mockery was Nagisa’s inability to attack him with much speed. Eventually Kayano and Karauma cut it up and haphazardly reassembled it into something that fit.

“Do not pull at the threads.” Commanded Karasuma. “You’ll be left with a pile of wood, which is no good to you. Understand?” Nagisa understood. The class gathered to discuss some sort of strategy.

“I want to win.” Said Sugino. There was an unusual amount of fire in his voice which piqued Karma’s interest.

“You’re the baseball expert. What do you suggest?”

The next day was the game. Karma stared around, unimpressed by the jeering school children. How could they care so much about a stupid game? A few came right up to the fence to sneer. Sugino looked almost ready to get violent, but as usual Nagisa got there first. He shrieked and threw himself against the wire, making the boys flinch back. His mouth stretched into a manic grin as he reached through the mesh towards them. Karasuma took a warning step towards him, so Nagisa threw up his hands in surrender. With a high pitched giggle, he backed away again. Karasuma tied his helmet on tight. 

With Nagisa tucked away safely in the dugout beside Karasuma the game began.

“I want to win.” Said Sugino. There was an unusual amount of fire in his voice which piqued Karma’s interest.

“You’re the baseball expert. What do you suggest?”

Somehow, miraculously, all three players reached a base. Sugino’s idea to just bunt the ball actually worked. Who would have guessed?

Sugino took his place. His grip on the bat was so tight Karma wondered if he’d snap it. Instead he hit the ball so far it gave the other three time to clear the bases. The coach looked ready to faint.

The teams swapped positions. Karasuma gave Nagisa a final warning to not kill anyone and sent him on his way. He crouched behind the obviously wary first batter. Karma saw his mouth moving through the face guard. Whatever he was saying was making the batters face go through 8 different shades of purple. He missed the first ball Sugino threw at him. Nagisa made his weird high-pitched laugh as the batter swore. Through Sugino and Nagisa’s combined efforts the everyone struck out on that round. Nagisa was sent back to the dugout, probably to discourage him from going near the baseball bats.

Karma tracked his movement to make sure he didn’t do anything interesting, before his stomach turned icy. The principle was speaking to Karasuma. Neither man was smiling. Karma felt a chill creep up and down his back. The principle stood and turned slightly. It felt like he was staring directly into Karma’s soul. He bent for a moment and whispered something to Nagisa. Whatever it was, it made him angry enough for Karasuma to grab hold of him to prevent an outburst. With a slight nod and then thin cruel smile the principle left them and headed towards the opposite team’s couch.

Karma gritted his teeth. Something was going to happen.

Maehara stepped up to the plate. Immediately he was surrounded by the opposite team. Was this allowed? Apparently. So much for the bunting strategy. No one would be going anywhere at this rate.  Shindo smiled a dazed smile. The principle had really messed him up. He drew his arm back and hurled his fast ball directly into Maehara’s face.

Blood spurted down his chin. He dropped the bat and pressed his hand to his face.

“Oh my god!” he muttered. “oh my god!”

The umpire signalled for them to continue. Maehara obviously couldn’t continue so was effectively out of the game. The rest of their batters continued to miss as they dodged Shindo’s violent throws. Karasuma tied Nagisa to the dugout bench with his tie to prevent him running onto the field and throttling anyone. He tied the knot too well and had to cut him loose when he was needed on the court.

Things went marginally better at the clubs turn to bat. Sugino made sure they struck out each time. It helped they were all slightly freaked out by Nagisa, hissing at their heels.

The teams switched again, and Karma was up to bat. Shindo hurled the ball directly at his face. He dodged. Barley. the ball hit the back wall with a dull thud.  Shindo let out a crazed laugh, eyes swivelling to the principle.

“You’re new here Akabane, so its understandable you haven’t learnt your place. We all know E-Class are slow learners.” The crowd jeered, stomping their feet. “Us chosen ones make allowances for your kind. We understand you’ll never go anywhere. Except perhaps the emergency room.” He flung another ball and Karma’s face.

A loud slam ripped everyone’s attention towards Nagisa in the dug out. He had pulled off his chest protector and smashed it against the ground. The wooden shards spread around his feet. He crouched like he was ready to spring. He held a long wooden spike loosely in one hand. He grinned at Shindo through the metal bars of his face guard. Karasuma rubbed a hand over his face.

Shindo was rattled enough to let Karma hit the ball, but the rest of the round was a shambles. Shindo didn’t dare throw so roughly with an armed Nagisa watching him, but the club came right up close rendering their bunting strategy useless. Sugino was red with fury and moral was seriously low.  Switching positions brought no relief. By the end all the bases were loaded and Shindo was the last up to bat. He and Sugino stared at each other across the grass.

“It’s a shame Sugino. You really had potential. I guess it’s going to waste away along with you. You’re a nobody and you always will b--!” He cut himself off with a scream as Nagisa charged at him. He was over a foot shorter than Shindo but his momentum sent them both crashing to the ground. Nagisa hit him across the face with his stick. He opened his mouth, but the metal cage of his face guard prevented him from biting down on Shindo’s face. He reached up to pull it off when the principle grabbed his wrist.

The principle grabbed hold of the metal front with his other hand and dragged Nagisa off the field. He moved so quickly Nagisa couldn’t keep up. He slipped, but the principle kept pulling, dragging his flailing body to the clubs dug out. Karasuma ran over to them.

“You said you weren’t going to bite anymore! We had a whole conversation!”

“I said I wouldn’t bite you anymore!” Nagisa yelled back while trying to pry the principle off him. "I don't care about biting people I don't like!"

The principle said something too quiet for anyone else to hear which effectively made Nagisa stop struggling. He went limp and allowed himself to be handed over to Karasuma, who picked him up and carried him to their dug out. He put him on the floor where he curled up and rocked himself gently. Karasuma sighed and went to talk with the principle again.

They returned to the matter at hand.

Shindo had recovered from the shock and stood ready. Sugino stared him down. Once again they locked eyes across the grass. Sugino took a breath and threw the ball as hard as he could. Shino hit it flying across the field.

E-class didn’t even bother to chase it.

The crowd cheered as they made their walk of shame back to the dugout. It was to be expected. They were only E-Class. The failures. Why bother to be anything else?

Sugino slumped on the ground next to Nagisa. Nagisa patted him gently and Sugino lent into the touch. The others left them alone. Karma sipped his water and observed their misery. Who cared? It was baseball. It couldn’t matter them that much.

A slow clap caught everyone’s attention. Asano Gakashuu and Ren Sakakibara stood in the opening of their dug out.

“A very interesting game. Well done. You were particularly impressive Sugino. Though Nagisa had a certain flair.” Nagisa was completely motionless, his eyes fixed on Gakashuu’s face. He beckoned him closer.

“A word Nagisa? None of you mind, do you? No need to wait for us. I’ll bring him back to your class later.” They stared at him in silence for a long moment. Nagisa looked around, waitng for someone to give him instructions. Eventually, when no orders came, he got to his feet and followed Gakashuu away. Karma quickly made a decision and went after them.

They stopped a short way away from the court, hidden by the changing rooms. Gakashuu glared at Karma.

“You weren’t invited.”

“You have a receding hairline.”

Gakashuu glared at him while Nagisa gave a small huff of laughter. He grabbed hold of Nagisa’s arm to shut him up. Karma’s eyes fixed on the touch. Gakashuu pulled the helmet off Nagisa's head.

“There's my favourite face. Go away Akabane. I have something to discuss with Nagisa.”

“Like that time you kidnapped him in Kyoto?” Nagisa gave the smallest flinch. “Look. Whatever happened back there, it was weird. Suspicious even. I feel there are grounds to go to the authorities there. So why don’t you just let him go and we’ll go our separate ways.”

Gakashuu dropped Nagisa’s arm and stepped closer to Karma instead. Ren quickly fell into step beside him. Nagisa was left forgotten on the background. Karma casually adjusted his posture in case he needed to punch someone. It might even be fun.

“There is a certain way we do things in this school Karma. I think it’s time you learn. What happens between Nagisa and I has nothing to do with you. Just like anything that happens between you and I has nothing to do with anyone else. It’s best if you don’t make anymore… accusations. Understand?”

He raised one hand and adjusted Karma’s collar.

“After all, who are people going to believe? The prestigious chairman’s son, or a beat up, unwanted, neglected delinquent?”

Gakashuu screamed as Nagisa jumped on his back. He pressed his mouth to Gakashuu’s neck, almost like a kiss. Karma could see a flash of teeth underneath his smiling lips. Ren reached up as if to grab him but flinched away when Nagisa glared at him.

“I want to bite you. I want to rip your throat out.”  He whispered. Gakashuu swallowed. “It’s strange, do you really think you have any right to be talking about Karma’s parents? It’s not like you have a good baseline to compare him to. Maybe you’re projecting. Its understandable considering your undesirable parental relationships.”

 Nagisa shifted around until he was clinging to Gakashuu’s front. His legs trapped Gakashuu’s arms by his sides. He wrapped his arm’s around him in a hug and buried his face in the crook of his neck. He teeth brushed against his pulse point. His voice went low, an angry purr.

“Run back to daddy. We have nothing to say to you.”

He yanked Gakashuu’s hair so hard he stumbled into Ren. Nagisa leapt down, using his stomach as a launch pad. While Gakashuu floundered he began to run, pulling Karma behind him. Once Gakashuu recovered he ran after them, yelling for Ren to follow.

Karma turned and punched him full in the face. Gakashuu fell backwards into Ren, blood dribbling from a newly split lip. Nagisa laughed out loud and then ran faster. They kept going until they reached their classroom.

They flopped down on the front porch. Nagisa reached out to touch Karma’s hand, tracing the drying spots of Gakashuu’s blood. He paused for a moment, then traced the outline of Karma’s fingers. Karma turned his hand over and Nagisa pressed his fingertips into his palm. They stay motionless for a moment.

“Where have you been?” Karasuma stared at them from the school’s entry way.

“Why are you always missing? And you too Karma? What did you do to Gakashuu? Sugino said you followed him off somewhere? Are you both insane?”

“Yes.” They both nodded solemnly. A weird look passed over Karasuma’s face.

“If this is going where I think it’s going then God help us all. Get inside, it’s time for dinner.”

They obediently headed inside.

The mood in the dining room was still pretty sombre. Sugino in particular was taking the loss pretty hard. He didn’t touch his own vegetables, let alone Nagisa’s. He and Kayano tried to coax him into eating with no great success. Eventually they just took him upstairs and put him to bed. Karma let them do the actual tucking in, but joined them on Nagisa’s bed to play a sad game of snap. Karma won (obviously), but Sugino’s silence made it seem hollow.

After a few hours Karma and Kayano slipped off to their own rooms. Karma lay in bed for a while, listening to the people around him breathing. Once he was sure they were all asleep he pressed his fingers into his palm, exactly where Nagisa touched.

Silently, in the dark, Karma smiled.

Chapter Text

The first thing Sugino did the morning after he lost the baseball came was replace his red wristbands with black ones. Nagisa was honestly impressed he had them on hand.

Clearly, Sugino was still in mourning. Nagisa and Kayano had been prepared to care for him in his time of need. However, grieving Sugino was far, far worse than average Sugino. A mere 30 minutes after he put on his black wristbands he tried to kill Karma.

Karma had been unproblematic for once and everything was peaceful. Nagisa had given him his portion of jam for breakfast to convince him to be sweet. Sugino had sat down with them in a dramatic huff.

“Pity about yesterday. You’ll get them next time!” It had taken 20 minutes to convince him to say it, but say it he did. He kicked Nagisa under the table, but it was worth it to make Sugino happy. The three of them smiled at him.

And then Sugino punched Karma in the face.

“How dare you! How dare you! You saw what happened! Why would you say that? What is wrong with you! My entire life is ruined and all you can give me is pity?” He pounded his fists against Karma’s chest.

Karma flung him against the wall. He caught him as he rebounded off the wall and pinned him to the floor. Sugino fruitlessly tried to knock him off.

Karma stared at him with a bemused expression.

“How are you easier to pin down than Nagisa? I’ve eaten chicken nuggets who weigh more than him.”

Usually, Nagisa would cause a scene at such an insult but he was distracted by how good Karma looked when he was on top of people. Kayano noticed his blush and laughed so hard she fell of her chair. Karma had just started to strangle Sugino when Karasuma grabbed him by his collar. He lifted him up into his arms, which looked much more uncomfortable than when he did it to Nagisa. He barked at Sugino to follow and swept off to the teachers’ lounge.

They came to class late. Karma still looked bemused and Sugino still looked murderous. He sat next to Nagisa and slammed his fist against the table. Nagisa flinched on instinct which seemed to make Sugino even angrier.

Things did not get better as the week progressed. Two nights later Sugino woke up in the middle of the night and stared destroying his baseball albums.

“It’s worthless, its all worthless! What’s the point? What have I wasted my life on? See this Nagisa? See what they reduced me to? What do you say? Nagisa?”

Nagisa had lain paralysed in bed. Every muscle in his body was tensed, ready for the blow. But.. Sugino wouldn’t do that. He wouldn’t. they were friends. He was just… upset. Cold sweat ran down the small of his back. He watched Sugino from half closed eyes, desperately hoping he’d calm down. Go to sleep. He’d kicked the blanket down around his waist but now he longed to hide under it. To block the sight of Sugino’s angry red face from his mind. He didn’t dare reach for it. He swallowed, and the sound seemed to echo around them.

Sugino stormed over to his bed.

“Are you listing to me?”

“I know you’re awake Nagisa, don’t ignore me. You know what happens when you ignore me.” A hand roughly digging into his hair, pulling him from bed.

Nagisa screamed, lashing out at the soft body beside him.

“What is happening in here?”

Karasuama stood in the doorway in his pyjamas. The sight was almost as weird as the one in front of him. Nagisa was curled in a ball on the floor, entire body shaking. Sugino stood hunched over beside him, with his hand around his stomach, his other hand clutching Nagisa’s long curls.

“He punched me in the stomach! I didn’t even do anything!”

Karasuma gave the hair situation a pointed look.

“I was checking if he was awake!”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Nagisa slammed his hand across his mouth but couldn’t shut up. His skin felt icy cold and burning hot all at the same time. Karasuma tried to touch him but he wailed, jolting out of the way.

“I didn’t mean to.” He begged. “I didn’t mean to.”

Vaguely he heard Sugino apologising. He ignored it, curling into a tighter ball. His sleeves hand rolled up so he scrambled to cover the scars. He pressed his check against the hard wood. He lifts his head. So tired. So sore. He puts it back down. Up again. Down again. Up and down. Faster. Faster. Up and down. Up down up down up down until…

It comes down on something soft. He nestles into it cautiously. It feels good against his damp face. A pillow? His pillow. He wraps his arms around it and murders to himself. All ok all ok all ok.

He almost sleeps.

The next night he starts crying the second Sugino starts yelling. It doesn’t make him stop.

Crying never makes her stop 

Karasuma moves him to the teachers lounge couch. Temporarily. He locks him in of course, but that’s just a formality. He likes the teachers lounge. Even alone at night with the fish he can’t sleep. Now he doesn’t dare nap before class anymore. Not with out Sugino to keep watch. His skin turns grey and patchy as the days pass.

Still. That’s nothing compared to what’s wrong with Sugino. He sulks, he complains, he marches up and down the school halls snapping at people. He gets so angry with Kayano he flings her pudding cup at the wall.

Now he has a broken nose to deal with as well as his depression. Not pretty.

The pudding incident singled an official rift in the friend group. Kayano refused to speak to Sugino and Nagisa sided with Kayano. Karma sided with Nagisa, not out of loyalty but for his lunch, so Sugino was left more or less alone. Isogai tried to intervene but even he couldn’t sooth him.

Sugino began to routinely attack people, rivalling Nagisa in terms of violence.

Nagisa had mixed feelings about this. On one hand was the intense guilt for not supporting his friend. On the other hand, he was convinced Sugino would try hurt him if they were alone together. He could feel Sugino’s eyes on him all day. Constant, the glares. Like a static hatred filling the air between them. He knew that look. He lived with it for 14 years.  

He didn’t want to be afraid of his friend. It was one of the worst things that could possibly happen, and yet here they were. He kept Kayano and Karma close, two living shields.

Karma refused to take it seriously. He deliberately riled Sugino up at every opportunity. He quoted their losing scores daily. He printed out photos of baseball players and slid them under his door. He threw baseballs at his head until Karasuma locked the gym closet. He tried bribing Nagisa to pick the lock but was firmly refused.

After about a week they came to a sort of equilibrium. Sugino started sulkily hanging around with Terasaka and his group. Nagisa and Kayano acted as they always had, with Karma casually following them around. Nagisa subtly freaked out every few hours but Kayano controlled him pretty well. It wasn’t ideal, but it was what they had. Of course, the world couldn’t let things stay calm for long.

They were waiting in the classroom for lessons to begin. Karasuma came in holding his phone.

“Nagisa? A word.” His heart plummeted down in his chest. Goosebumps sprung up all over his tacky ice-cold skin. What had he done? Had something happened? Who was on the phone? What would they do to him? Why? Why now when he didn’t even have Sugino?

He tried to seem nonchalant, but his voice came out high and shaky.

“Who is it?”

“Not here, can you come to the lounge please?”

“No!”

“Nagisa! Come here!” Karasuma’s face looked like thunder. Nagisa winced and stood. He took a hesitant step towards him, and another. The entire class stared at him with undisguised interest.

Karma perked up, sensing drama.

“Who is it? Is it Gakashuu? Can I say hi?” he tried to swipe the phone out of Karasuma’s hand but he held it out of his reach.

“Nagisa! Can you please just come here? I already have Sugino’s tantrums to deal with, I don’t want yours too.”

Nagisa came closer. Close enough to look obedient but far enough Karasuma couldn’t reach him. He’d have a second to run. All he needed was that one second.

Karma blocked the door.

“Who’s on the phone? Tell us! Is it interesting?”

Karasuma tosses the phone at his desk and turns to deal with Karma.  Nagisa grabs it and presses it to his ear.

“Hello?” That voice. The voice he’s been avoiding for weeks. The voice that haunts his dreams, that keeps him up at night. The voice that has wormed so deep in his blood he’ll never be able to escape it.

“Is someone there?”

“Mom.”

The class goes silent. Even Karma stops dodging Karasuma to stare.

Karasuma holds up his hands like he’s about to approach a wild animal.

“Let’s go to the teacher’s lounge. No need to talk in front of everyone.”

“Is that you darling? I’ve missed you so much!”

Nagisa hung up the phone. He stood still for a moment, staring at the cold glass of the screen. His reflection laughed at him.

He jumped when he rang again. He accepted the call.

“Hi mom.”

“Did you hang up on me? I can’t believe you! I am your mother! I gave you life! You owe me your existence and you hang up…”

“Bye bye.” He hung up again. What the fuck was he doing? What was this? His heart beat so hard he through his ribs would crack. Did he want to die? Was that what this was? Karasuma was staring at him like he’d just stabbed someone. Actually, he might be less surprised by Nagisa stabbing someone.  Kayano started to giggle nervously, fingers in her mouth. Her teeth ripped at her nail beds.

The phone rang again. He sat on the floor and answered.

“What are you doing?” the shock was obvious in her voice. She was so surprised she wasn’t even screaming. Yet.

“I’m studying, really busy, thanks for calling, bye-“

“If you hang up on me again, I swear to God you’re dead!”

He nods even though she can’t see him.

“Be sensible Nagisa. Now listen. I contacted your principle, I’m trying to arrange a visit. Would you like to come home for a few days? I’m sure it could be arranged”.

She keeps talking but he can’t hear her. There’s a pounding in his head which downs her out, drowns everything out. His skin lights up, he can feel  her hands on him. He shakes his head slightly and the motion makes him feel like he’s falling.

“Nagisa? Are you listening to me? You want to come home, don’t you? I love you.”

“Don’t!” he says. “Don’t say that!” his tongue feels heavy and he can’t control what he’s saying. “ I won’t! I won’t! stop it!”

“Nagisa.” Her voice was deadly calm. “You are coming home, and when you do I swear, I’ll make sure you never, never speak to me like that again. That is a promise. 

He flings the phone across the room. It hits the far wall and shatters. He stares at the broken pieces, he can’t breathe. He can’t breathe. 

“Nagisa.” Karasuma hesitantly comes forward.

“I need you to stay calm. Can you get up?”

He’s locked into place. Every muscle is tensed so tightly he’s about to snap. He’s trapped into his body, it’s too heavy, his skin is too tight he…

“Ok. I’m going to pick you up. I’ll take you to the teachers lounge. Would you like that? You can look at the fish. You like the fish don’t you?”

How does he know that? Was he that readable? That obvious? He looks around with just his eyes. They’re all staring at him. They all saw what he was, how disgusting he was. How could he do this? His mother didn’t deserve this! She loved him, she just wanted to see him. And now she would…

He opens his mouth but no sound comes out. His eyes water but no tears fall. He can’t do anything. He’s just… there.

Karasuma crouches beside him and touches his shoulder. Nagisa leans away from him and takes a breath. Then he slams his head down against the floor. He does it again, and again and again as people are yelling, Karasuma tries to grab his hair to stop him but he doesn’t care. He feels a handful get ripped out but he just brings his head down harder. His head splits and blood gets into his eyes but he doesn’t stop. He doesn’t stop until Karasuma climbs on top of him and presses his face to the floor.

He's so heavy. He can’t move, not one part of his body. Karasuma presses hard on the side of his neck. Immediately he starts to gag. What is this? Whatishappening. His lungs feel full of water as red dots start to dance in front of his eyes. He jerks his head  which brings a pain so intense, so all consuming the only thing he can to is

Sleep.

He wakes up with a bright light in his face.

He squinted at the wall until his eyes made out the shape of a clock. He gave up and went closer to check the time. 3am.

He was in the teachers lounge. Someone had tucked him into his makeshift bed. He shivered as he imagined the hands moving him around while he slept.

He didn’t need to wake up for school for another few hours but he couldn’t lie back down. His body buzzed with energy, adrenaline shooting through his veins.

The door was locked, but that didn’t matter. He crept up the stairs to Kayano’s room. She woke up quietly and they crept outside together. He didn’t think they woke anyone.

In the moonlight Kayano stared at him.

“You look terrible.”

“Thanks.”

“No seriously.” She went into great detail about the crusty looking cut on his head, the bruises around his forehead and neck, the dark purple under his eyes. Eventually he kicked her to shut her up. She stomped on his foot in retaliation. Not to be outdone he tried to do it back, barley missing. The next few minutes involved an intense game of stomping until they laughed so much they had to sit.

Kayano flopped across his legs and stared at the sky. Nagisa stroked her hair gently.

“Do you know anything about stars?” she asked.

“They are very big and faraway. That’s all really.”

“My sister didn’t know anything either, but she always wanted to. She bought a book on constellations the last time we went out together. I’m not sure if she ever read it.”

Nagisa nods. Its not the sort of thing that needs an answer. He reached down with his left hand to hold hers. She ran her fingers over the rough burns.

“What happened?” she asked quietly. He shook his head once and she didn’t push. They stayed quiet until the sun rose.

When they went back inside, they were met with pandemonium.

“We thought you were dead!” shrieked Kataoka. “We couldn’t find you!”

“You didn’t look very hard. We were outside.”

“We were getting to that!”

Okajima and Terasaka were scowling and giving money to Maehara and Sugino.

“We bet you’d run off on a suicide pact.” Explained Terasaka. “Couldn’t you at least have thrown yourselves of a cliff?”

“Next time.” They said solemnly.

Karasuma elbowed everyone out of the way.

“No! No suicide pacts. And havn’ t I told you all to stop betting on these idiots? Why were you two outside at night?”

“Stars.” They said solemnly. Karasuma threw his hands in the air. Nagisa heard him counting under his breath.

“We are going to the hospital. Get your cloths on.”

“No!” He couldn’t! the hospital would would…

“Your head is literally bleeding as we speak. I will drag you if I need to.” Karasuma’s voice rose and Nagisa felt himself shrink.

“Put your cloths on and shut up or I’ll make sure you never talk to Kayano again. MOVE.”

Nagisa moved. He kept his mouth clamped shut.

Later in the car he clutched his knees so hard he felt them start to bruise. He sat dead still, waiting for Karasuma to say something. Karasuma glances at him with a pained expression, though he doesn’t say anything.

Nagisa hangs his head as they pull up outside the hospital.

Chapter Text

There was a very awkward atmosphere after Nagisa was taken to the hospital. People were unsure whether to laugh, discuss the situation or ignore it. After all, it was Nagisa. Going crazy was kind of his thing.

Karma and Kayano sat together in a strained silence. Without Nagisa to act as a bridge they didn’t have much to say to each other. Across the classroom Sugino was rhythmically kicking his desk. So that was fun.

Karma spent the rest of the day in a kind of fog. He hadn’t realised how much of his time was spent following Nagisa around. Without him he felt uprooted. Listless. Bored. He spent the evening wandering around the forest. He returned in the dark to a tired Isogai sitting on the front steps.

“You don’t have to wait up for me.”

“I know. But I will.”

Silently they shuffled upstairs to bed. Karma listened to Isogai’s breathing soften as he fell asleep. Karma listened until the sun rose.

Karasuma and Nagisa returned the following afternoon.

Karasuma came in first, with Nagisa trailing at his heels. Karasuma guided him to his desk and tried to actually hold a lesson. He managed to keep everyone’s attention for two hours before gracefully admitting defeat.

Kayano tried to interest Nagisa in… anything. He sat motionless, staring at his desk. His hands were clenched around his knees so tight his knuckles were white. He had a heavy white bandage around his head and another wrapped around his left hand. It disappeared up his long sleeve.

Karasuma beckoned him towards the teachers lounge and squinted at Sugino. After a moment of deliberation, he called Karma and Kayano over instead.

He sat them all done and spread several bottle and bandages on his desk.

“So. It turns out Nagisa isn’t taking care of his burns properly. I’m not mad, just concerned. The doctors weren’t particularly pleased.”

“They recommended I get sent to a crazy hospital.” Nagisa’s voce was low and shaky. He he made a sound that was almost laughter.

“A brief stay at a psych ward.” Amended Karasuma. “But I convinced them we could make sure he cleaned and took care of himself. So.” He leaned back and folded his arms.

“Who’s up for learning some first aid?”

Kayano was very enthusiastic, Karma very indifferent and Nagisa sulky.

“Look, you’re the one not taking care of your literal wounds.” Said Karasuma. “Someone needs to clean them and you proved you won’t.”

Kayano grabbed a bottle of cream excitedly.

“Can I? Please?”

Nagisa looked like he was considering violence for a second before his eyes flicked to Karasuma’s face. Slowly he unwound the bandage and rolled his left sleeve up to the elbow. Karma looked at the burn with interest. This was the clearest he’d ever seen it. His hand was warped into a sort of claw. The wrinkled red and white skin twisted half way up his forearm. There were several bubbles under his skin that looked… wet.

Kayano enthusiastically slathered the cream over his hand and wrapped it clumsily in white. Under Karasuma’s directions she wrapped the long fabric over it and tied it in an unnecessary, but cute bow. Nagisa picked at the probably too thick bandage and thanked her mechanically.

“You need to apply the cream every three days. I don’t care who does it, but one of you has to. Karma, given your history I assume you know how to apply plasters.”

He kept talking before Karma could figure out if this was an insult or not. he turned back to Nagisa.

“You’ve been narrowly avoided infections for months. Stop picking at them or else they won’t heal. If I check and your arm is uncovered or dirty in any way you’re going to the ward. Understand me?”

Nagisa nodded, lips pressed shut. For an awful moment he looked like he’d cry. Luckily, he managed to compose himself.

“Karma.” Karasuma rubbed a hand over his forehead. “You’re swapping rooms with Sugino. Clearly the teachers lounge isn’t secure enough for Harry Houdini over here and Sugino is currently… not ideal. “

“Share with him?” Karma was indignant. “That’s…you...you're commiting reckless abandonment! He’ll start beating himself up again! What am I supposed to do?”

Kayano was giggling again and Nagisa had gone red. He was probably as outraged as Karma.

“My decision is final. If you don’t swap you won’t have any jam or fruit, or anything remotely sugar adjacent till you graduate. I will do it, don’t test me. Go upstairs and move your stuff.”

Karma did it. Really slowly and with much complaining. The other members of the class came to hold a solemn good luck ceremony. Nagisa stayed under Kayano’s bed for the hours this took. Kayano stood guard to ward off anyone who tried to talk to him. Even Isogai was chased away. Karasuma lay down on the floor beside him for a few minutes, whispering softly. Kayano still wouldn’t let anyone close enough to listen, which just added another element of confusion to the situation.

Eventually night-time could no longer be avoided and everyone was sent to bed. Karasuma looked so exhausted they didn’t even argue.

They sat on their beds and stared at each other. Nagisa rocked himself, murmuring.

“Bad idea bad idea bad idea”

“Thanks.” This was actually a bit insulting. Sure, he’d made a fuss but he had reasons! What was he supposed to do if Nagisa had a psychotic fit during the night?

In the end it wasn’t that dramatic. The sleepless night before had left him tired enough he dropped off around two. Nagisa was sitting in the same position when he woke up.

At breakfast he was swarmed by anxious (curious) classmates. The fact he had survived a night alone with Nagisa, especially a Nagisa who was clearly going through something emotionally, granted him hero status. Nagisa spent breakfast with his head on Kayano’s shoulder, dozing.

After class Karma, Kayano and Nagisa went to the kitchen. Nagisa hadn’t eaten since before he went to hospital. He didn’t trust hospital food, he’d been too spaced out to eat the day before, and had slept through breakfast. Kayano insisted no one would mind if he got a snack.

Karma was eager to ransack the kitchen. Sadly, like the rest of the school, it was old and crumbly. You need to light the stove with a match and some prayer. The food supplies were boring and healthy. He found some raisins which he was depressingly excited about. The lack of sugar was messing with his head. He shuddered at the memory of Karasuma’s ultimatum.

Nagisa found a bag of oranges and started nibbling on them half-heartedly. He lost himself in the action and started eating the skin of the second orange before Kayano prised it out of his mouth. Kayano herself found  a bread knife and started cutting very thin slices to dip in the butter dish.

It was going well. They were fed and more or less happy. Nagisa even joined in on an attempt to mix milk, sugar and strawberries into something resembling froyo.

And then Sugino came through the door.

“What happened at the hospital?” he asked bluntly. Nagisa immediately stopped smiling.

“Well? What did you tell them? Did you tell them about…”

Nagisa hissed to shut him up. His eyes went wide, his face grey. He looked ready to faint or fight. Hard to know. Karm and Kayano looked between them with blatant interest.

“Come on, you might as well tell them. The entire school knows you have issues. You don’t exactly have a right to secrets after your breakdown the other day. Really? In a classroom? Have you no dignity?”

Nagisa gave a low laugh.

“Dignity? Is this coming from the boy who cried over baseball? Forgive me if I’m wrong, but I seem to remember a few tantrums on your end? Up all night breaking your precious baseball albums. Its pathetic. If you want to be better, then practice! Sulking gets you nowhere!” He tipped his head to the side and laughed out loud.

“That’s right! You’ve given up. I guess you finally realised who you are, a pathetic E-Class nobody, just destined for failure! Shindo was right.”

It’s surprising how much noise a very small body makes when thrown against a fridge. Said fridge rattled precariously as Kayano and Karma rushed to stop it toppling over. Nagisa leapt up from the ground to attack Sugino, grabbing the breadknife on the way. He slashed at Sugino’s stomach, opening a long thin trail of red. He gasped, clutching at himself. Nagisa pressed the knife to his throat. He leaned in close till he was talking directly in Sugino’s ear.

“Never do that again, understand? You do not get to touch me. You are nothing and that’s all you’ll ever be. Nod. “

Sugino resisted for a moment before nodding. The motion caused the knife to jab into the soft flesh under his chin. A single red drop slowly trickled down the blade. Nagisa dropped it on the floor and backed up to where Karma and Kayano had managed to secure the fridge. Sugino skulked out.

“I’m not opening the fridge.” Karma announced. “Whatever has tipped over or moved around in there is not my concern.” Kayano nodded and quickly hurried from the room. She grabbed Nagisa by the sleeve to bring him with her. Karma followed, refusing to be blamed for whatever was happening inside the fridge.

Back in the classroom Kayano patted Nagisa’s head. “Well done. You didn’t bite him!” Nagisa smiled happily. Karma considered finding a new friend group.

Kataoka was not pleased about the fridge situation. Mostly because several pints of yogurt fell on her head when she opened it. She was even less pleased with the messy not-quite froyo someone had left in the kitchen. Karasuma was not pleased about the cut on Sugino’s stomach. After some light convincing he managed to make Nagisa show him the bruises on his back and side Sugino gave him when he got thrown against the fridge.

He made the very brave decision to shut them both in the teachers lounge to talk it out.

Karma and Kayano waited at the end of the corridor. Karasuma wouldn’t let them get closer than that.

“Why does Nagisa do that?” asked Karma.

“You need to be so much more specific.”

“He took his shirt off for Karasuma. He let you bandage him when he asked. He agreed to have me as a room mate… kind of… when he told him to. Why?”

Kayano considered for a bit.

“It’s not really my place to say, but… I think he respects him. Nagisa hates most people. I think he’s scared of most grownups. But Karasuma… he’s scared of him still. But he knows Karasuma could be worse. I think he knows Karasuma would never… Karasuma doesn’t like hurting him. He likes that. He respects that. He doesn’t want to lose that.”

“He obeys him out of fear?” Typical teachers.” Karma scoffed. They were all the same in the end.

“No.” says Kayano thoughtfully. “I think he genuinely wants to be good. For Karasuma. The fear is secondary too… something. But I don’t know exactly.” She shrugs. “I’m not Nagisa.”

Miraculously, both Sugino and Nagisa survived. That was nice. Upon exiting the room Sugino looked ready to hit someone. Karma discreetly stood behind Kayano. He wasn’t scared of Sugino’s aggression, but he still hadn’t received any blame for the Fridge/Froyo situation and wanted to keep attention off of himself.

Nagisa stayed in the teachers lounge. In lay on the floor staring at the ceiling.

“What are you doing?” asked Kararuma. He seemed more confused than angry.

“Not hitting my head on the floor.”

“What?”

“I’m not hitting my head on the floor.” Karma and Kayano exchanged a look from where they were eavesdropping in the corridor.

“…Why?”

“Do you want me to hit my head?”

“No?”

“Well then.” Nagisa gently drummed his heels on the floor and smiled to himself. “I’m practicing.”

He was happy and quiet, so they left him to it.

Nagisa stays on the floor until late in the night. Karasuma didn’t have the heart to start yet another argument so he was just left there. He came into his room late. Or early, depending on your point of view. Karma had stayed up waiting for him.

“Can I ask you  a personal question?”

“No.”

“Cool, why are you practicing not hitting your head? I feel like that’s a fairly basic life skill.”

Nagisa sat on his bed and picked at the bandages on his hand. He gave Karma a long considering look.

“The hospital said… I had problems.”

“They were correct.”

“Problems that…. They say I am prone to self-harm. I’m a danger to myself. And others. If I don’t change, they’ll lock me up. I don’t want to leave.” He took a shuddering breath. “If I’m locked up in some hospital, I'll never come back. The school barely tolerates me as it is! Even if it’s a temporary stay, where will I go after? I can’t go back…” he trailed off before his expression hardened.

“I won’t go back.”

He deflated again and flopped onto his side. “I can be normal. I will be normal. No matter what.”

Nagisa stroked the bandage on his arm again. “If… if I’m good… Karasuma will be happy.” He smiled to himself. “I’ll make him so happy.”

Karma lay back down. There wasn’t a whole lot to say after that. Nagisa turned away from him, curling up small. Karma let his eyes trail over him. His messy curls, along the gentle slope of his shoulder, down his arm, over the swell of his hip. He kept looking until Nagisa slowly pulled the blanket up to his chin. 

He closed his eyes. It would be a shame if Nagisa left. He was the most interesting person here.

Chapter Text

Nagisa didn’t want to go in the hospital. It was very quiet after Karasuma parked. They sat very still, not looking at each other. 

“Are you ready?” asked Karasuma.

“I’ll never be ready.” He answered,  and opened the door. 

The fact he looked young and sweet, and also had blood dripping down his face really helped speed up the emergency room process.
Within two hours he was beaconed into a cubicle.  The nurse walked in with a practised smile.

“What do we have here?”

Karasuma quickly brought her outside for a “quick word.” She wasn’t smiling as much when she came back in. A deep shame filled his entire body.

“Right, let’s take a look at your head.” She rubbed the blood off carefully with a damp cloth. After a bit of poking and prodding she determined a few stitches would suffice.  

Before she could do anything, they needed to give him painkillers. He was about to get upset about the injection, but Karasuma pressed a water bottle to his mouth. He was so focused on not choking, he forgot to tense. 

By the time he finished drinking, she had finished with the needles. A fuzzy numbness worked its way through him.

“Did the principle teach you the water thing?”
“Perhaps.”

He was enthralled by the shiny needle; he caught glances of it as she worked. 

The nurse bustled out and a man came in.

“Hello… Shiota?”

“Nagisa.” He said quietly. It had been a while since he talked to an adult who wasn’t Karasuma or the principle. He felt oddly shy. Karasuma sat a little closer to him, like a shield.

“Could I have a word with Nagisa? Privately?”

They both looked at Karasuma. He looked pained.

“I’ll be right outside. Call me if anything, and I mean anything, upsets you. Either of you.” They both nodded, the man a little bemused, and he stepped out. Nagisa was alone with the…doctor?

His heart started to beat hard.

“Now.” He sat on the chair Karasuma had just left. 

“Let’s talk about how you hurt yourself, hmm? I hear you were hitting your head against the floor? Can you tell me why?”

Nagisa kept his mouth shut. He couldn’t explain, it would sound so stupid. He was stupid.

“That’s ok. You don’t need to talk if you don’t want to. I have another question. Have you hurt yourself anywhere else? In any way?” 

He shook his head. He wanted Karasuma. He wanted Kayano. He wanted his bed. 

“Is it ok if we had a little check?” Nagisa shook his head again.

The doctor knocked on the cubical wall and another man came in. Karasuma tried to come in but was distracted by a nurse.

“Everything is ok, we just want to have a little check. I know it’s a little awkward, but it’s for the best. Ok?”

He brought his legs to his chest. If they got close he’d kick them, he’d bite, he’d…

“Don’t make a fuss. Now, I don’t want this to sound like a threat…”

Nagisa tensed, ready to run. He could get past them, if he got to the corridor then he could find Karasuma and… and what? Karasuma wanted him to be here. Where could he go? Nowhere.

“We are within our rights to restrain you if you become violent. We suspect you may be self-harming, and we need to provide a cursory check. You have a history.”

“I’m sorry.” He whispered.

“It’s fine. Just hold still, ok?”

Nagisa braced himself and closed his eyes tight. It wasn’t as bad if he couldn’t see. He peeled off his shirt, and his pants. He allowed himself to be twisted this way and that as the eyes left sticky trails over his skin.

Ugly. Ugly ugly ugly ugly…

The hands left and he cracked one eye open. The doctor was writing something on a clip bored.

Were they done? They were right?

He tentatively reached for his shirt. The tall man grabbed his wrist. 

Karasuma came running when he screamed. Running. 

For him.

“What are you doing?” Nagisa clamped his hands over his mouth, but he couldn’t stop the awful keening sound. The man prised his hands down and tried to get him to lie back. He screamed louder, thrashing.

The doctor was trying to usher Karasuma out of the room. “He’s just a little hysterical, we can sedate him, the restraints are just policy…” One of his hands had been strapped down, but he hadn’t made it easy. The man put his full weight down on him and he wailed, unable to breath.

Suddenly, the weight was gone. He writhed, sitting up and trying to curl up into a ball. Where were his cloths? He needed them, he needed to…

Water was shoved against his mouth, and he drank to prevent himself chocking. Again. Gently his hand was brought up to hold the plastic cup and Karasuma let go. Nagisa sipped docilly, not meeting anyone’s eyes.

“See?” said Karasuma. “No need for any… restraints.” 

There was a tense silence. 

“We can leave just the one strap on.” Offered the doctor when it became clear Karasuma wasn’t leaving. “The one he’s already wearing. Just while we talk.”

“That ok Nagisa?” asked Karasuma quietly. After a moment he nodded. It wasn’t so bad. 

“Fine. Sir if you could step outside…”

Nagisa immediately tensed.

“I’ll stay until Nagisa asks me to leave.” He folded his arms and stood by the door like a particularly tall body guard. Nagisa relaxed ever so slightly. The tall man stood beside him, staring into the distance. Something about his cold eyes made him shiver.

“Fine.” The doctor sat down again and pulled out his clip bored. “Right. We just need to get through a few questions.”

“Can I put my clothes on first?”

The tall man glared at him and he shrunk. “Sorry.”

“First question. Where did all those burns come from? You admitted to the police the one on your hand came from a fire, but the others?”

He swallowed, throat dry.

“A lighter.”

“How?” he curled up tighter. Mother… she didn’t deserve it. She loved him… but…

“I… it’s my fault.”

“You did it to yourself? Alright.”

He started writing.

“No, wait,”

“Next question, what do you usually eat every day?”

“Can we go back to the previous question?” 

He checked his watch and Nagisa shut his mouth quickly. 
“Answer the questions please, I have quite a few people to get through.”

The questions didn’t get better. 

He spent the night in hospital. He almost had to spend even more time there, but Karasuma saved him. Again. He had no pyjamas to change into, so he lay down in his cloths. The doctor eventually let him put them back on. After he redressed, he and Karasuma sat looking at each other in increasingly awkward silence. Neither felt like eating the undercooked hospital dinners.

Neither of them slept.

In the morning, a nurse comes to check his stitches, his eyes, and measure his weight and height. She gives him a sheet of stickers, which he is definitely too old for. He doesn’t want to lift his shirt up when she needs to put ointment on his worse burns. When he starts shaking, Karasuma prepares for an argument. 

“We discussed restraints last night and they are really unnecessary…”

“Oh I know that.” She says happily. “There’s no harm in this guy. Right?” She smiles at him and pats his cheek. He’s shocked into stillness.

“See? My nephews always full of energy too, he never sits still! And I suppose anyone would get sick of being prodded about, right honey? But this will be the last thing, from me anyway. 5 minutes and we are done.” He nods dumbly. Her smile is so bright, so genuinely friendly. Mesmerising.

“Pop your shirt off, and we’ll be finished in no time. Here, you can hold my mascot while I do it!” She pulls a little ceramic snake from her pocket and places it in his hands. Its smooth and green, with shiny black eyes. He stares between it and her face until she’s done. 

“There now!” she gently takes it back. “Come back for a check-up sometime, we’ll be happy to see you! But no more stitches, ok?”

“Ok.” He still can’t stop looking at her face. 

She turns to Karasuma. “He needs to keep those burns clean. With self-mutilation of this level we are obviously concerned. But the newest of them seem to be at least several weeks old. That puts him out of immediate risk. We are trusting your school is a safe environment right now. If this changes, we will have to contact his guardian to recommend admission.”

Nagisa starts shaking. They can’t call her. Karasuma evidently notices the danger signs.

“Right now, today, he’s coming back to school.” He says firmly. “I will personally make sure he gets all the medical attention he needs. Nagisa get your shoes on."

Nagisa moves quickly. His head hurts, and he feels scruffy after spending the night in his clothes. But that’s a hundred times better than all the questions.

“Try to eat more.” The nurse says gently. “Let’s see if you can gain a little weight why don’t we? Get some skin on your bones.” She pats his cheek, and Karasuma braces himself to grab him. But Nagisa doesn’t bite. She’s too sweet to hurt. Like Kayano. 

It’s not till she bustles out of the room he comes back to his senses.

Karasuma looks amused. “What was that about? Does someone like their nurse?”

He tosses his head ignores him. Dignity intact.
He slips the stickers into his pocket.
He’s exhausted but he can’t fall asleep in the car. By the time they arrive in school is almost ready to pass out.

He follows Karasuma to the classroom. At his desk he takes stock of his situation. He must be good. He has to be. He can’t leave here, not ever. At least, not till graduation. He’ll deal with graduation when he comes to it. He needed to be good. Calm. He could do that. He could be normal. 

There is no other option.

What happened in the teachers’ lounge that afternoon was not normal. A normal person wouldn’t need people to take care of their burns. A normal person wouldn’t have burns. 

But Kayano looked so happy. Making people happy was good. Normal. It’s ok. Baby steps. He held still while she slathered cream all over his arm and wrapped it up in a bandage. He didn’t even flinch.

But then, disaster.

Karma? He was sharing a room with Karma? He went red. Kayano started giggling, eyes bright. Was she enjoying this? Of course, she was. Traitor. 

He couldn’t stop blushing. What was this? Have some self control!

Out of desperation he hid under Kayano’s bed. He didn’t even have the privacy of his room! Because Karma Akabane was in the process of moving in!

He pressed his face against the floor.

Kayano poked her head under the bed.

“I think this is good.”

“How? How is this possibly good?”

“You can shoot your shot! You know. And if it goes well, then there are beds right there!”

“Kayano!” he went impossibly redder. “That is inappropriate!” 

A strange heat pooled in his stomach. Karma. In his room. In his bed.

Karasuma turned up at possibly the worst moment. He lay beside him and stared at him, carefully evaluating his face. Nagisa pressed his face against the ground to hide.

“Don’t kill each other.” Karasuma said finally. “Also. Be safe.”

“I won’t hurt him.” He mumbled against the floor.
 Karasuma shifted Awkwardly. “That not quite… look. I’m not really trained for this conversation. I’d usually tell you to speak with your parents, but…”

Nagisa flinched.

“Exactly. So, I’m just letting you know there are a few books in the teachers’ lounge I recommend you look at. Top shelf on the left.” He cleared his throat and left the room. 

Nagisa puzzled over his words until it was time to go to bed.

It was a little tense. Karma's right there. It was different being alone with him in the dark. He didn’t dare get changed, he just couldn’t. 

Karma was right there. Lying down, half asleep. He looked sweet when he was sleepy. Nagisa could tell him that he wanted to… what? What did he actually want?

He wanted to bite him again. Somewhere. Anywhere. Everywhere.

“Bad idea bad idea bad idea.” He murmured. Normal people didn’t do what he currently wanted to do. “Bad idea.” he said again, firmly. To remind himself. 

Karma slept. Nagisa watched him carefully all night. Nothing happened. He’s being normal.

The next morning Karma was hailed as a hero. He survived a night with Nagisa. 

Nagisa lay against Kayano and closed his eyes. He must be truly awful if that’s how surprising it is to survive around him. 

He missed breakfast. His stomach twisted, even worse than usual. The nurse did say to eat more…

“It will be fine.” Insisted Kayano. “Karasuma never said we couldn’t go in the kitchen. It’s not like we are in prison.”

“We technically are supposed to be.”

“Oh hush. You’ll make Karma curious.”

In the kitchen he ate some oranges. Were they allowed in here? What if they weren’t? What if they get in trouble, and Karasuma is angry, and he tells the hospital and they take him and they call his…

“No no, we don’t eat the peal.” Said Kayano, taking something hard out of his mouth. He stared at her blankly. Was he eating?”

Karma brought milk, sugar, and strawberries from the fridge. 

“I have the most amazing idea ever.”

They were really bad at making froyo. The weird goop did not look appetising. Kayano ate some anyway, which was a testament to her love of sweets more than anything else.  She had such a determined look on her face while she chewed, he just had to smile.

“What happened in the hospital?”

He stopped smiling. 

“Well, what did you tell them? Did you tell them about…”

“I swear I won’t tell. Why are you crying?”
Nagisa clutched his hand against his chest.
“It hurts.”
Sugino cautiously patted his back. No one touched him at this school, except Karasuma. Kayano hadn’t tried. Not yet. He held very still.”
“It looks pretty bad. I guess that’s why you don’t burn down buildings?”
He laughed awkwardly, trying to lighten the mood.
“I didn’t… I didn’t hurt it when I did that. It's not from the fire.”
“Then… how?”
“Promise you’ll never tell?”

He promised! He promised! Panic flooded through him, locking his body in a painful claw. 

“Come on, you might as well tell them. The entire school knows you have issues. You don’t exactly have a right to secrets after your breakdown the other day. Really? In a classroom? Have you no dignity?”
How dare he? That wasn’t fair! Why was he even angry? Nagisa did nothing! For once it wasn’t even his fault! He felt a weird, warped approximation of a laugh bubble out of him. 

“Dignity? Is this coming from the boy who cried over baseball? Forgive me if I’m wrong, but I seem to remember a few tantrums on your end? Up all night breaking your precious baseball albums. It’s pathetic. If you want to be better, then practice! Sulking gets you nowhere!” He tipped his head to the side and laughed out loud.
Hurt flashed across Sugino’s face. Good. Good. It was his fault he was staying with Karma, it was his fault Nagisa had been so upset. If he hadn’t been horrible Nagisa would never have reacted the way he did to his mother. Never! It was his fault he went to the hospital. He deserved to be upset. He deserved everything.

No he doesn’t. you know he doesn’t.
Shut up. 

“That’s right! You’ve given up. I guess you finally realised who you are, a pathetic E-Class nobody, just destined for failure! Shindo was right.”

Sugino ran at him. His heart seized as Sugino grabbed him and flung him backwards. Hitting the fridge knocked the wind out of him, his chest felt awful empty. Sugino’s fists were clenched, he was going to hit him he was going to hurt him that’s not fair that’s not fair that’s… 
 
He leapt up before Sugino could touch him again. Grabbing the knife he pressed him back, sharp edge under his throat he made his voice as steady as physically possible while his entire body burned. 

“Never do that again, understand? You do not get to touch me. You are nothing and that’s all you’ll ever be. Nod. “

A single drop of blood ran down the knife. He hurt him. His friend. Not anymore.
He deflates, letting him go. Sugino skulks out, anger rolling off him in waves. 

Back in the classroom Kayano patted Nagisa’s head. “Well done. You didn’t bite him!” 

Bite him? He would never bite Sugino. He smiled agreeably. If he made Kayano upset, he’d never forgive himself. She thought he’d bite Sugino?

A horrifying thought filled his head.

Did she think he’d ever bite her? 

He went to his room to hide for a while. He needed to stop this. He shouldn’t have done that to Sugino, he should have just… shut up. Stayed quiet. He used to be good at that. 

Karasuma came to find him.

“Did you threaten Sugino with a knife?”

“Are you going to call the hospital?”

“No, did he throw you against a wall? Kayano said he started the altercation.”

“Against a fridge actually.” He said solemnly.

Karasuma rubbed a hand over his face. “Are you hurt? Actually, don’t answer that, you’ll probably lie.”

Nagisa stayed quiet, because he wasn’t wrong.

“Can I see? Knowing your luck you probably broke a rib or something.”

Nagisa froze for a second. There wasn’t much point in modesty anymore. Only two days before Karasuma saved him from getting strapped to a bed in his underwear, so there really weren’t a lot of boundaries at this point. 

“I won’t touch you.” Added Karasuma. “I just don’t want to be accused of ignoring your injuries again.”

He pulled his shirt off and they both raised their eyebrows. His skin was covered in thick splotches of red, already on the way to turning purple. It was going to be impressive.

“Well Sugino is good at throwing things.” Said Nagisa to fill the awkward silence, “he plays baseball. Sort of.”

“I’ll buy more vitamin k cream. Head down to the teachers’ lounge.”

“Why?”

“You and Sugino are going to talk it out.”

Well. That’s not great.

Karasuma locked the door with a deafening click. They stared at each other across the room.

“Why are you so angry.” He asked eventually. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“Well you did, so fuck off.”

Nagisa crept past him to get to the fish tank. The fish seemed happy to see him. He might have been projecting though. 

“Why are you so special?” snapped Sugino. “Everyone always has to be so careful around you. You get away with everything!”

“I’m sorry.” 

“Shut up.” He was a ball of anger and frustration. Practically vibrating, he marched up and down, running his hands through his hair.

“I hate you. I hate you. We lost. Everyone was so focused on you they didn’t concentrate! We could have won; I could have shown them. I called my dad. I told him about the match, I told him we’d win! Do you know what it was like to tell him I failed? Baseball is the one thing I can do. I mean, look at me. I’m here. I’m never going to go anywhere with my brain. I’m not that great with people. And now I can’t even play a fucking sport. I give up. And who does everyone worry about? Crazy little Nagisa Shiota."

Nagisa leant against the fish tank. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t realise I was distracting people.”

“What? You are always the distraction! With your screaming and your biting and your… your… head smashing. Why? Why can’t you just be ok? I know, you told me a lot about your mom.”

A sweat breaks out all over him. He presses his fingers to his mouth to ward off the scream he can feel building inside.

“Are you going to tell?”

“No, I won’t bother.” He slumps down on the couch. “Do whatever you want, I don’t care.”

Nagisa wanted to cry. Or scream. Because that really wasn’t a promise. He could tell people, tell them how stupid he was, how stupid and cruel and horrible and… he lay down and pressed his forehead against the floor. He didn’t bring it up. He wouldn’t hurt himself. He couldn’t. He could be normal. He rolled over to stare at the fish. 

He could just lie here. His entire body shook, his neck tensed, ready to move. But he stayed still. 

He lifted his head and brought it down hard. Sugino swore, going to the door.

“It’s ok! I swear it is, that was… an accident.”

This was surprisingly hard. But he could practice.

He stayed still even when Sugino left. If he moved, he wouldn’t be able to stop. The shaking grew worse when Karasuma stood over him. It would be so easy, just to life his head, bring it down…
But he didn’t.
Nagisa told him… he’s not sure what he told him honestly. Whatever he said it made him go away. They left him alone, with the door open. Isogai popped his head in every so often to make sure he was still conscious.

Which he was.

It was dark before the urge went away. He lay still for a few more minutes, exhausted, before rolled on to his stomach and onto his hands and knees. With a heavy breath he got to his feet. 
He should shower. Sweat had dried on his skin, making him feel sticky. But every bone in his body felt like a liquid, so he dragged himself upstairs to bed.

Karma sat in bed reading a comic. He looked tired, but Nagisa felt too floppy to feel guilty. All he wanted to do was lie down.

“Can I ask you a personal question?” 

He rubbed his eyes and eased himself onto bed. This really wasn’t a good idea.
 
“No.”
 
“Cool, why are you practicing not hitting your head? I feel like that’s a fairly basic life skill.”
 
Nagisa picked at the bandages on his hand. He gave Karma a long, considering look. What could he tell him? Then again, who would he tell? Karma didn’t really talk to people. Except him. (A warm feeling somewhere deep inside.) And Kayano. Obviously.
 
“The hospital said… I had problems.”
 
“They were correct.”

Harsh. True, but harsh.
 
“Problems that…. They say I am prone to self-harm. I’m a danger to myself. And others. If I don’t change, they’ll lock me up. I don’t want to leave.” He took a shuddering breath. So tired. “If I’m locked up in some hospital, I'll never come back. The school barely tolerates me as it is! Even if it’s a temporary stay, where will I go after? I can’t go back…” he trailed off before his expression hardened.
 He pictures his front door. The clean blue paint. He imagined walking down his corridor, into his kitchen. Imagined her waiting, rope on the table, lighter hidden in the drawer. He thinks of the closet. The dark. All alone. 
“I won’t go back.”
 
He deflated again and flopped onto his side. “I can be normal. I will be normal. No matter what.”
 
Nagisa stroked the bandage on his arm again. “If… if I’m good… Karasuma will be happy.” He smiled to himself. “I’ll make him so happy.” If he was happy he wouldn’t send him away. Not ever. 

He lay down and turned away from Karma. He couldn’t answer any more questions.

After a moment, he felt a prickle in the back of his neck. Like someone watching him. He knew that feeling. 

Karma. He immediately felt incredibly conscious of every inch of himself. His bones poking out through his bruised, burned skin. So ugly. Though, Karma couldn’t see through his shirt? But, was his spine jutting out? Had his shirt ridden up? Could he see the marks around his waist? What did he think? Was he disgusted? He must be.

Slowly he pulled the blanket up to his chin. Hiding. 

But, when he closes his eyes he entertains the terrible, the stupid, the impossible idea. What if Karma didn’t hate what he saw? What he if wasn’t disgusted?  What if somehow, miraculously, he liked it?

Thinking of this, he sleeps. 

He wakes up warm and comfortable with the sun on his face. He stretches, luxuriating in the feeling of not being tired. It was glorious. A full night of sleep. He should do this more often.

“Comfy?” asks a voice.

“Mmhhh” he mumbles back, smiling. He opens his eyes slowly. Karma was sitting on the foot of his bed.

He shoots upright, face turning red.

“Why are you watching me sleep?”

“Because I’m bored. Karasuma let you sleep through class. You know he never lets me do that?”

“What time is it?”

“You’re missing dinner. I brought you a bread roll.”

“Where is it?”

“I ate it. You’ve been asleep for a while.”

Nagisa tried to figure out if he should feel indignant, embarrassed, or pleased. Afterall, he had the intention to bring him a snack. That was good!

“Why didn’t anyone wake me up?”

“They felt sorry for you.”

He tossed his pillow at him. Karma batted it back and reached into his pocket.

“I found these for you.”

He held out a pair of soft white gloves.

“I think they are for golfing, I found them in the sports shed. You kept picking at your arms in your sleep. Drove me crazy all night.”

Nagisa pulled them on. He tried to scratch his bandage, but the cloth was thick enough to render his nails harmless. Karma looked pleased.

“Now you can’t hurt yourself. Are you getting up? Kayano said she wanted to show you a dead butterfly in her bedroom. Is that an exciting euphemism or…?”

Nagisa tossed the pillow at him again.

Chapter Text

Karma hadn’t expected Nagisa to wear the little gloves all day, but he did appreciate it. Karasuma was grudgingly impressed. The gloves made sure Nagisa didn’t rip or remove the bandages, which prevented infections, and that was good enough for him.

He wore them all the time. While sleeping, in class, during meals, outside. Karma presumed he took them off to shower, but he was never sure. Nagisa always showered at random times, no one knew when. He’d disappear for 20 minutes and turn back up with wet hair.

Sugino was unnecessarily annoyed by the gloves. He kept trying to sneak up on him and wrestle them off, which never worked. After the third time Nagisa climbed into a tree to get away from him, Karasuma put him on a leash. He tied him to the long-suffering Isogai for a week’s trial.

Karma found this hilarious. He tossed scraps of his lunch at him constantly.

“Good boy Sugino? Does the puppy want a treat? Fetch!”

Karasuma tied him to Kataoka.

Nagisa found this hilarious.

Sugino spent the punishment week moping. Karma got to sit back and watch as he got crankier and Nagisa got guiltier. The day he and Sugino were released Nagisa forced him to come ambush his ex-friend.

Karma was sent to taunt Sugino into coming into the stairwell. Once he stepped in Nagisa caught him.

He backed Sugino against the wall and leaned in close.

“I miss being friends.” He whisperd. He touched Sugino’s face gently, almost a lover’s caress. Karma watched his cheek dent under Nagisa’s sharp nails.

“What’s it going to take? Hmm? Name your price.”

When Sugino tried to move away Nagisa hooked an arm around his throat. He chocked, stumbling. They both tumbled to the floor and Nagisa warped his legs around his hips from behind. Trapping them in what could be a bizarre yoga pose. “Talk to me. What do you want?”

“I want Shindo’s dignity to be destroyed like mine was! I want him ruined! I want this throwing arm presented to me on a platter! But mostly I want you to get the fuck off me!”

Nagisa neatly leapt up and ran out the door. Karma glared at Sugino until, cowed, he went up the stairs instead of following.

They met up with Kayano in the dining hall.

“We need to cut Shindo’s arm off.” Explained Nagisa.

Kayano nodded. “Cool, I’ll get a bread knife.”

“No!” said Karma, forced into the unusual role as the voice of reason. “I think that was more of a figure of speech.”

Nagisa deflated. “Oh. That would have been an easy thing to do.”

“We have a new breadknife and everything.” Added Kayano sadly. “I saw Karasuma lock it in the new safe he got.”

Karma ran his hands though his hair and took a calming breath.

“Look, I’m all for violence,” they perked up, “but we can’t cut his arm off.” They deflated again. “Anyway, aren’t you trying to be normal Nagisa? If you cut someone’s limbs off your definitely going to hospital.”

Nagisa scratched at his burns nervously, not that it did much. (Karma’s gloves to the rescue. Pat on the back there.)

“In that case…” said Nagisa carefully. “We’ll just have to destroy him in some other way.”

“How?”

He set his mouth in a thin determine line. “I have my meeting with the principal Friday. I’ll see what I can do.”

Karma frowned. Maybe cutting his arm off would have been less problematic.

On Saturday Karma was given the job of scrubbing the main school’s kitchen. It was a dismal task, but better than the bathrooms. He was still there when the principle walked it.

“Akabane.”

“Hi.”

The principle glared at him, nose turned up. Karma felt like a bug who had wandered into the principles shower. Very distasteful, but happy to bite. Maybe this is what Nagisa feels like.

Nagisa himself stuck his head out from behind the principle.

“Can you supervise me? Principle Asano doesn’t want to walk up the hill and Karasuma can’t come get me.”

“Nagisa still is under legal scrutiny.” The principle added. “Due to his… habits we can’t have him wandering around. Will you take on the responsibility?”

“Sure?”

Nagisa happily came over to his side.

“Don’t let him touch any chemicals. And Akabane.” He looked him up and down in a way that made his skin crawl. “Nagisa convinced me. Good luck.” He swept out of the room, bringing the dark atmosphere along with him. Nagisa looked at the chemicals for a long moment before shrugging and sitting on the counter.

“What was that?”

“My session. I was extra good today.” His eyes glazed over for a moment. “I convinced him.”

“Of what?”

“Oh! We are going to have a baseball rematch next month. Just wait till I tell Sugino! He’ll be so happy! Hurry up and finish cleaning so we can go back to school!”

“If you helped me I’d be done quicker.”

“Sorry, can’t touch the chemicals.”

Nagisa dodged the filthy rag Karma through at him with a laugh and flopped down on the counter.

“Better get cleaning!”

The things Karma said were not complimentary.

For some reason Karma had assumed Nagisa would bring him to speak to Sugino again. Instead Nagisa disappeared, literally mid-sentence. The second they were on school property, thus past the area where Nagisa needed supervision, he vanished. It was a shame as he was in the middle of telling Karma an interesting fact about Sonic Ninja.

The school was very empty. Almost everyone had gone home for the weekend. He aimlessly wandered around the building, trying to find someone. Anyone. It was like the whole place was deserted.

A strange feeling built in his throat. A lump he couldn’t swallow down. Alone? Had they really left him all alone? This was good. He needed peace and quiet. He was always alone at home. So much personal space.

He got to his room and flopped down on Nagisa’s bed. He made sure to rumple the blankets. That would definitely annoy him. He buried his face in Nagisa’s pillow for a nap. It smelled like him. He breathed in, feeling the lump grow less painful. Something tickled his nose, and he lifted his head to find a long blue hair. He ran in through his fingers lazily. Nagisa’s bed was way better than his. It smelled amazing. He closed his eyes and dozed for an hour or three. He was weightless.

“That’s mine.” He sits up quick. Nagisa stands in the doorway, shaking.

“Did you talk to the baseball lunatic?” Karma stretches lazily, head tipped back. Something cold touches his neck and he freezes. Nagisa would not hesitate to kill someone if pushed far enough. He was certain of that. Unarmed he has bad enough, but holding what could only be a weapon…

“That is my bed.” Nagisa’s voice shakes, from anger or fear or something else. “You aren’t supposed to use it! It’s mine.”

“Ok sorry.” Karma discreetly pulls away from whatever he is holding. “I’ll get up, chill.” Nagisa backs up enough for him to get off and then climbs on himself. He makes a big show of straightening the sheets.

Karma grumbles to himself. “Where did you get a knife? What happened to being normal?”

“Knife?” Nagisa looks at him likes he’s an idiot.

“The one you just threatened me with? You’re no match for me otherwise.” He teases.

“Oh. You mean my curly-wurly?”

“Your what?”

Nagisa help up his chocolate bar with a smile. “Was it cold? I just got it out of the freezer.”

Karma felt his dignity drip off him into a puddle on the floor. Threatened by a curly wurly? He’s not going to live this down.

“Want half? It’s too much for me to eat and I already gave Kayano my fruit cup.” Nagisa babbles on, twisting the frozen chocolate till it snaps. “Karma?”

“I’m stepping out for a moment.”

Outside he screamed and kicked a tree. After some calming breaths and also the destruction of a large shrub he returned and accepted the half curly wurly.

It was pretty nice.

They settled in well together after a few days. Karma figured out Nagisa literally never slept and accepted the fat he’d probably be stared at while unconscious. Nagisa accepted the fact Karma would definitely lie on his bed to annoy him at random times. After the first incident he suffered in dignified silence.  

Nagisa successfully managed to not have a major breakdown for several days. It was an impressive feat, considering how volatile he usually was. This threatened to come crashing down one night when they were invited to a super-special-top-secret-night-time-gathering.

Karma woke up while Isogai tried to convince Nagisa to attend. It was far too early for this sort of thing. Nagisa was clearly uninterested in moving, which was odd because it wasn’t like he was sleeping anyway. But Isogai wouldn’t take no for an answer. Eventually he resorted to throwing Nagisa over his shoulder and carrying him to the classroom. Luckily he found this funny as opposed to threatening. Karma followed them out of curiosity. They ended up in the classroom where all the boys were in a lazy circle, having pushed all the tables out of the way.

“I knew it!” Crowed Okajima when they arrived. “Pay up!” Muramatsu sulkily handed over some money.

“What stupid thing did you bet on now?” Asked Karma.

“I would tell you, but I value my life.” Answered Muramatsu. “Just, thank you for being predictable.”

This time it was Karma Isogai had to throw over his shoulder. He carried the flailing and utterly indignant Karma to the part of the circle furthest from Muramatsu. Admittedly it was not that far given the relatively small classroom.

“Sit still and be quiet! Karasuma will wake up!” He commanded and the tone of his voice convinced him it was best to obey. Nagisa happily wandered over and knelt beside him.

“It’s time to vote!” said Muramatsu, discretly hiding behind Terasaka when Karma glared at him.”

“Vote?”

“Who’s the hottest girl in class!” said Okajima hands in the air. “The hardest decision I will ever make! How can I chose!”

Kanzaki quickly came out on top with Kataoka as a near second.

“Well? Asked Maehara. “Who hasn’t voted?”

“Karma?” Asked Kimura.

“I don’t think we need to ask.” Said Muramatsu with an odd smile. He squawked when Karma pretended to get up. Satisfied, he sat back down and waited for something interesting to happen. As secret meetings went this one was pretty tame.

“Nagisa!” Said Okajima. “I’m literally dying to know.”

“Obviously Kayano.” Put in Terasaka.

“I think that’s more of a sister thing.” Said Maehara. “Isn’t it Nagisa?”

“Umm…” Karma felt something odd in his chest when he watched Nagisa blush. It would make sense that he’d like Kayano. The two were practically conjoined.

“He does like Kayano best out of the girls.” Said Sugino. A cruel little smile spread over his face.

“Oh, ok then.” Okajima looked a little disappointed. “I guess that’s fine.”

Nagisa stares daggers into Sugino, who just laughs.

“Of course, there’s another question which would be more appropriate here.”

They stared at him curiously. Nagisa tugs anxiously at his hair.

“Who is he obsessed with? Who is he just dying to get his hands on?”

There was a silence.

“Is that not… the same answer?”

“Nope.”

Karma could practically hear their brains ticking over. His own chimed suddenly as he realised.

“Are you into guys?” Nagisa looked mortified.

“He’s into once very particular guy.” Said Sugino. He makes eye contact with Karma. “Want  to know who?”

Nagisa leapt on him. The circle dissolved into a pile of shrieking boys.

Nagisa forced Sugino onto his pack and pummelled his chest with clenched fists.

”Don’t you dare! I’m being so nice to you! I got you another chance to play your stupid baseball! Shut up! Just shut up!” Sugino was so winded he couldn’t knock him off. Isogai tried desperately to pry them apart but got wacked by a rouge limb and fell back, clutching his chin.

“I bit my tongue!” he exclaimed. Maehara charged at Nagisa and knocked him backwards. He managed to drag him out into the hallway and toss him far enough to slam the door closed.  He held the door shut while Nagisa hammered on the other side.

And then there was a silence.

“Do you think he’s gone?” hissed Sugino.

There was a calm knock on the door. They sild it open to find Karasuma glaring at them in his pyjamas. In his arms was Nagisa, a thin trail of blood dripping down his forehead.

“Would anyone care to tell me why I just saw Nagisa knock himself unconscious?”

To say Karasuma was angry would be an understatement. Everyone was sent to bed and condemned to a desert-less week. Except Karma and Sugino. They were instructed to wait in the teacher slounge while Karasuma tucked Nagisa up in bed.

“Can’t you just leave each other alone?” asked Karasuma when he was done. “Just ignore each other! Is that so much to ask?”

“Have you met him?” demanded Suino. They yelled at each other for a really long time. Eventually he gave up and sent Sugino off to reflect on his actions.

“Any you’ll clean the bathrooms tomorrow!” he called after him. Sugino swore his way up the stairs.

Karma cleared his throat.

“So. Why am I here?”

“You’re always doing something, I figured you’d benefit from the lecture.” Karasuma ran a hand over his face. “Also, you may be moving back to your old room.”

“Why? Is Nagisa going to be alone?” he felt a pang at the thought, which he soon squashed.

“Not exactly.” Karasuma stared past him. “I am reconsidering…alternative living arrangements for him. For his own safety.”

“You’re sending him to hospital!” a white rage filled him. “You can’t! You wouldn’t dare!”

“Karma, it really might be for the best. We’ve seen him having severe difficulty adapting to his environment…”

“So you want to lock him up?”

“No! I don’t want that, but he needs help. We can all see that. I’m just not equipped for it.”

“Well, you’re also not equipped for me.”

Karma launched himself over Karasuma’s desk, sending them both crashing to the floor. He scrambled up and slammed his fist into the wall. Over and over until his knuckles split open and blood started to trickle down his wrist. Karsuma tried to pick him up like Nagisa, but Karma was much stronger than what he was used to.

He hit the wall again and felt a pop in his knuckles.

The shock of pain is what gave Karasuma the opening to knock him down and climb over him. He pressed Karma’s head to the floor and tried to reason with him. Karma was past language, kicking roughly.

“Karma please!” He pressed a spot on his neck and his body went limp. A flash of pain echoed in his skull but he fought the urge to pass out.

“See?” He hissed. “See what I’ll be like if Nagisa’s gone? Can you really stand it?”

Karasuma sounded very old when he answered.

“Fine. Just go to bed.”

they both got up and Karma turned to go.

|"By the way," said Karasuma. He paused to listen. "Did you really let Nagisa threaten you with a chocolate bar?"

The plant pot he destroyed was ugly anyway.

Karma wasn’t surprised to find Nagisa in the hallway. What was surprising was the almost reverent look on Nagisa’s face.

“You really don’t want me to go?” He clasped his gloved hands. “You want me here? With you?”

Karma flushed and looked away. “Don’t read into anything. I just want your share of lunch.”

Nagisa’s eyes were bright stars, focused entirely on him. Against his will, Karma smiled.

Chapter Text

Nagisa’s heart was about to beat out of his chest. Karma, Karma Akabane, defended him. He wanted him to stay. He hurt himself just so he could stay.

He followed Karma up the stairs to bed. Karma sat on Nagisa’s bed. For once it didn’t annoy him, rather it sent a hot surge through him. He looked at the blood slowly dripping down Karma’s fingers.

“Does it hurt?”

“As if I care about a little pain.”

He felt his cheeks flush, and he had to swallow quickly. “Can I…” he stopped. He couldn’t say it. He didn’t dare. He’d hate him. He’d…

“What?” Karma looked at him, eyebrows raised.

“I want… may I…” he looked at the blood again.

“Do you have some sort of obsession with blood or something?” He leaned back to stretch. “Do whatever you want, I guess. I’ll just drop kick you if I get annoye-“

Nagisa leapt at him, forcing him onto his back. Karma’s breath caught in his throat, making a high pitched gasp. He tensed for the bite which would usually come, and Nagisa desperately wanted to tear his throat out, but…

He hovered, motionless, their faces inches apart. He ran his tongue over his bottom lip. Karmas eyes fixed on the motion.

“Please.” Nagisa whispered. “Stop me if you want to, I’m so sorry.” Neither of them moved. Karma could stop him, easily. His feet hang off the end of the bed, he could simply stand up and throw him. If he felt like it. Slowly, Nagisa lowered his head until his lips brushed Karma’s. He closed his eyes and braced for a hit. Nothing happened. When he lifted his head and opened his eyes, he found Karma staring at him. He shakily traced his finger over his lips.

“You kissed me.”

He nodded. “Stop me.” It was more of a command than anything else. Karma didn’t move.

Nagisa gave in.

He kissed him again, hard. He nipped at Karma’s lip till it split and sucked at the blood hungrily. Karma opened his mouth at the sensation and Nagisa licked against the heat. He ran his tongue over the roof of Karma’s mouth, enthralled by the hard ridges. He broke away and went lower. He kissed his neck sucking hard at his pulse point. Karma keened, tipping his head. Nagisa froze at the sound, pulling back to look at him. He was flushed, lips parted slightly. He opened and closed his mouth though nothing but heavy breaths came out. Curiously Nagisa kissed the same spot again. Another whine. He kissed a trail down his throat, burying his teeth into the hollow below his edams able. Karma arched his back off the bed with a quiet scream. Nagisa slammed his hand over his mouth.

“Someone will hear you!” The wild look in Karma’s eyes told him that was the least of his worries.

Nagisa giggled and covered his own mouth. Did Karma have a neck fetish?”

He kissed him again to check, feather light. The full body shudder answered his question. He felt a heat pool in his stomach followed by a wave of guilt. Karma knocked his hand away from his mouth.

“I’m really sorry, I’ll stop…”

“Don’t you fucking dare.”

Karma chest heaved, thought that didn’t stop him laughing at Nagisa’s expression.

“Come on. You’re just going to give up?” he reared up, the muscles of his stomach tensing gloriously between Nagisa’s legs, until they were nose to nose.

“Touch me.”

The words set him on fire. He kissed him again, and this time Karma kissed him back. Every nerve in his body lit up as he tipped Karma’s chin back and sank his teeth into his throat. He could feel Karma breathing in his mouth which made them both shudder.

He pushed him till he was flat on his back and kissed a trail down to his collar. He fumbled with the buttons, practically tearing them open. As soon as his collar bones appeared he dragged his tongue over them to feel Karma jolt. He ripped more buttons open and followed the path down with his tongue. He pressed his lips to Karma’s stomach as he got the last of them open. He looked up to see Karma’s head tipped back. His chest rose and fell quickly, and the sight was beautiful.

“Beautiful.” He murmurs, kissing every inch of skin he can reach. “So perfect.” Karma moans in response, burying his hands in Nagisa’s hair.

For a spilt second his heart stops. He’s on the floor, cringing, begging as she tugs his hair and slams his head down again and again and

He grabbed Karma’s hands and wrenched them away from his head. He felt thin strands rip out in Karma’s fists. He pinned Karma’s wrists down by his sides.

“Hold still.” Karma goes red before a teasing smile slides across his face.

He crosses his wrists above his head. “Yes Sir.”

Nagisa cannot turn the feeling it gave him into words. He kissed him again, hard. Every inch of his skin burned with…with…

“Nagisa” he moans against his lips and he can feel himself falling. They break apart and rest their foreheads together.

“Not bad.” Says Karma shakily. Nagisa lets out a huff of laughter. He tries to get up, but Karma wraps his arms around him.

“You need to sleep.” Nagisa points out. “It’s pretty late.”

“I am sleeping.” He mumbles. And sure enough his breathing evens out within a minute. His grip doesn’t loosen. Nagisa lays his head on Karma’s bare chest and lets his eyes close. He doesn’t sleep. But he doesn’t move either.

The first thing Karma does when he wakes up is complain his feet have gone dead. In fairness, he did spend the night with half his legs hanging off the bed. The second thing he does is toss Nagisa away and take his cloths off. Nagisa shrikes and covers his eyes.

“Really? Is that necessary after last night? I thought you’d like morning sex.”

 Nagisa’s entire body tensed and he curled into a protective ball. “No!”

“Chill.” He peaks through his fingers to see Karma pulling on his uniform. He sticks his tongue out. “Joke.”

Nagisa sat up and tossed his hair. Not funny. But then he melted into a smiley puddle because he kissed Karma! And he bit Karma!

And Karma liked it.

The feeling is so all consuming he can’t even look at him.

Nagisa didn’t know how he made it down the stairs. He assumed he floated. Kayano was waiting by their usual table. Karma hurried over to the breakfast buffet where he spied healthy blueberry muffins. While he dealt with that Terasaka and his friends started laughing loudly at something probably unimportant.

“What’s up with you?” asked Kayano as he sat down. She laughed. “Finally get with your dream husband?” Nagisa didn’t meet her eyes.

“Oh my God!” she screamed. He hissed at her to keep quiet and she lowered her voice to a stage whisper. “Oh my God!! Last night?? Tell me! I need details? Did you actually…”

“Shut up!” he hissed, staring around. No one seemed to be lurking nearby, everyone was too focused on something funny he didn’t notice. But you never know. “I’ll tell you after class.”

She squealed and hugged him hard. “I am so proud of you.” She whispered as Karma made his way back over.

Then her draw dropped. “You did that to him?”

Confused Nagisa followed her gaze. When he saw what she was looking at his stomach dropped. Clearly visible on Karma’s neck were several very large, very dark hickeys. Hickeys which were currently drawing the eyes of every person in the dining room.

Karma was vaguely bewildered by their horrified expressions.

“What? Something on my face?”

They dragged him to the men’s bathrooms.

“Kayano! You’re not supposed to be in here. Should I file for harassment?” His smirk fell off when he saw himself in the mirror.

“What the fuck did you do?” he shrieked, poking at the marks. “I look like a leper! How could you let me out of the room like this? I feel betrayed!”

Nagisa flapped is hands nervously, desperately keeping his neck rigid. He had the terrible urge to smash his head against the mirror to apologise. But Karma probably wouldn’t apricate such a gesture.

“I didn’t notice! I was covering my eyes because you were trying to get naked!”

“You what!” shrieked Kayano gleefully.

“Shut up!” they both snapped back.

“This is the best day of my life!”

“Shut up!”

Behind them they heard someone clear their throat. Karasuma stood in the bathroom doorway, looking incredibly awkward.

“I had some people tell me about… Karma’s condition.”

Karma squawked in indignation.

“I’m not going to say anything. Except once again, I recommend the books in the teachers lounge. Top shelf on the left. Also, maybe find a scarf or something. We have assembly tomorrow.”

He backed away and closed the door behind him. When the echo of his footsteps disappeared, Kayano started to laugh. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she clutched her sides. If Nagisa wasn’t so outraged he’d worry she was having a fit.

Karma leant his head against the mirror with a groan. He poked at his lip, which was scabbing over from the bite Nagisa left the tight before.

“This will give everyone the wrong message.”

“I’m so sorry, ill never ever touch you again, please I’m sorry, don’t hate me.” Nagisa tugged at his hair as his will to not hit his head deteriorated.

“Oh no, that’s fine. But now everyone will think you’re the top and that’s totally going to ruin my image!”

Kayano collapsed.

Later in the teachers’ lounge Karma picked a the hideous lime green silk scarf Kayano had found for him.

“I look like a poof.” He whined.

“You're the one that discovered a submissive streak.” Said Kayano snippily. Nagisa was burying his face in a pillow to hide from the situation.

Karma yanked the pillow off him.

“We’re in this together now.” He snapped. “You can’t just hide from the issue.”

Nagisa went even redder. Together? Together.

Kayano dragged a chair over to the top shelf and rifled through the books. She stilled.

“I’m… going to head out for a bit.” She said staring at the wall. She tossed a book at them and ran.

They stuck their heads out the door, but she had already cleared the corridor. Nagisa wandered over to the floor where she had thrown the book. He picked it up and immediately dropped it again. Unfortunately, it landed face up. The title blared from the cover in thick black font.

“So you’ve realised your gay. What’s next?”

“Why does he have this?” he whispered.

Karma stood on his toes to look at the other books.

“He has a whole set! So you’re a lesbian, So you’re curious about your body, So you are interested in sex: lets discuss safety! , Gender identity and you.”

He came back and sat cross legged on the floor. Nagisa hesitantly crouched beside him.

“Well. Let’s see.” He flipped open the book to a very graphic diagram of a penis wearing a condom.

He slammed it closed.

“Maybe… the table of contents?” murmured Nagisa, not looking at him.

“Yah… let’s do that.”

It actually wasn’t that bad. A lot of it was the emotional side, not physical. They skimmed the first few pages. Nothing particularly stood out. It all focused on worrying what people would think of you. No cannibalism fantasies were mentioned so he couldn’t relate.

“Look!” said Karma. “It talks about biting! That’s your thing.”

Now that was more like it.

It was actually pretty tame. It was clinical but simplistic in its descriptions of “natural impulses” that could be given into after “careful discussion between you and your partner.” They skipped that step.

It suggested using a cold spoon to speed up the bruise healing process. Karma vowed to try it.

They slotted the book back on the shelf before it got too graphic. There is only so much you can take right after breakfast.

That night Karma brought 4 spoons and a bucket of ice to their room. He was watched by almost the entire student population, whom he then pelted with the ice.

In their room with the privacy of a closed door he stuck a spoon into the ice and pressed it against his neck.

“It’s cold!” he yelped.

“That’s cause it’s ice Karma.”

“Fuck off.”

Nagisa flopped on his bed and pulled the covers up.

“Are you just going to pretend sleep while I suffer? This is your fault.”

“I said sorry.”

“So? Come here and fix it.”

Nagisa poked his head out from his blanket. That seemed pretty fair actually.

He came over and grabbed a spoon. Goosebumps sprang up  when he pressed it to Karma’s skin. Karma shuddered slightly before relaxing.

“This better work.” They kept at it for a few minutes until the ice was mostly melted.

“I am really sorry.” Said Nagisa while tidying away the medical equipment.

“You could make it up to me.” Said Karma hopefully. Nagisa watched him out of the corner of his eye. He did owe him.

“Come lie down on the bed.” Instructed Karma. Nagisa did, his head on Karma’s pillow. He breathed in the burnt sugar smell and tried to relax.

Karma straddled him and his heart started to beat painfully hard. He kissed him lightly, and it wasn’t so bad. He could do this. It was fine. It was fair. Karma pulled open the top button of his pyjama shirt.

Nagisa’s head slammed back as

Hands pinned him down, a slap to the face making his head ring.

“Just wear it!” she screamed, hands tearing at his cloths. “I spent so much on it, on you! Do you hate me? Do you like watching me suffer?”

“Sorry.” He begged, trying to pry her hands off him. “I can’t, I can’t…”

The shirt ripped and she scrawled at his chest with her terribly sharp nails.

“You want me to hurt you.” She hisses. “You’re a freak. You’re asking for it.”

He starts to cry.

“What’s wrong.” Karma has frozen, one hand on his shirt, the other hovering in the air by his face.

“I’m so sorry.” He whispers through his tears. “You can, you can do whatever you want, I’m really sorry.”

Karma climbs off him and gets off the bed. He pulls the blanket from Nagisa’s bed and awkwardly drapes it over him.

“It’s ok.” He says mechanically, moving to pat his head but thinking better of it. “You’re ok.”

Nagisa pulls the blanket over his head, mortified. He’s ruined it, he’s ruined everything. He should have just taken it, it’s fair. Its what a normal person would do. A normal person would never think of a silly argument with their mother while doing that.

He buries his head in Karma’s pillow. Even the smell can’t comfort him.

He’s messed up. There is something deeply and fundamentally wrong with him. And he will never, ever be normal.

Chapter Text

Karma spent the night on Nagisa’s bed wrapped in a blanket. It was cold, but he could deal with that. Nagisa didn’t stick his head out of his blanket pile once during the night. He tried not to feel neglected. He didn't think about Nagisa's warm body pressed against him.

Early in the morning he gave up on sleep and crept down the stairs. Alone in the teachers’ lounge he pulled the book from the shelf and went over everything in more detail. He hadn’t dared to linger while Nagisa was watching him. That would be admitting weakness.

He pressed a hand to his chest. His heart beat hard. Was it possible? Did he like Nagisa?

He poked at the marks and his neck and winced. The evidence was pretty conclusive. He slotted the book back where it belonged and went back upstairs.

He found Nagisa sitting on his own bed. Karma’s was neatly made, as was his. He had his back flat against the headboard, one knee clutched to his chest. His entire body shook. He wouldn’t look at him.

“Nagisa.” He tried. “I really am not mad. Why are you upset?”

He shrugged. “I’m sort of always upset honestly. Haven’t you noticed?”

It was a fair point. Karma sat on his bed and discreetly tried to smell his pillow. There was the faintest trace of Nagisa.

They sat in companionable silence for a while. Gradually Nagisa stopped shaking and flopped against his head bored, exhausted.

“You should really consider unconsciousness from time to time.” Said Karma. “It’s good for your health.”

“You should consider concealer.”

He rearranged his scarf huffily. Dignity intact.

Isogai knocked on their door. “Hurry up! We need to leave in 20 minutes!”

They both pouted. Assembly.

The entire school was gathered in the main hall. The crush of people was seriously affecting Kayano. She clung to Nagisa’s arm, burying her face in his shoulder. He petted her, pleased with his role of caregiver. Karma poked her repeatedly until she kicked him. Isogai steered him away from them when it was time to line up.

It was a very boring forty minutes. Some teacher droned on about classes and exams till their ears rang. Nagisa got tired due to his extreme lack of sleep and sat on the floor. Kayano sat down too so she could keep her face in his shoulder. Isogai knew when to pick his battles, and he left them be.

When the assembly ended they were instructed to wait outside the building. Somehow the school board accidently printed out the wrong number of itineraries and they needed to wait for more. Shocker.

They sat out in the sun by the flower beds. It was actually nice. Isogai and a few volunteers were called away to collect their itineraries. Things were peaceful.

“Nagisa. How have you been?” Gakusuu smiled down at them, his posse in tow. Hurray, life was great. Nagisa ignored him.

“And Kayano. The crowd isn’t too much for you is it? I’d hate for you to be overwhelmed.” She buried her face deeper against Nagisa shoulder.

“Karma. Why the scarf? If you’re trying to start a craze I must say you are failing.”

“Actually, this is a dead snake I spun into thread. My cousin Tyrone wove the fibres into this garotte.”

“Really?” asked Ren looking surprised. Gakusuu looked like he was searching for his will to live.

“Very funny. I suppose you have to use humour to get through your current predicament. I just don’t know how you stand it. Up there amongst the criminals and the imbeciles.”

“I feel like there was a compliment in there.”

“You… are wrong?”

“No, I feel like you just called me a smart non-criminal. Thank you! I don’t have anything complimentary to say about you, but I apricate it anyway!”

Nagisa giggled uncertainly.

“Come Nagisa.” Said Gakusuu. “I must talk to you.”

“No.”

“Nagisa. I will have a few minutes of your time. It’s not as if you’re going to do anything productive with it. If anything, I’ll probably be stopping a crime. You seem tense. Are you planning to bite anyone?”

Karma shifted so he’d be able to spring up in less than a second. He didn’t like talking to them while sitting, but getting up would make them feel like they mattered.

Gakusuu slowly rolled back his sleeve. “I just want to talk to you. Is that so bad? I mean,” he runs a finger over his wrist, “you’ve done much worse in your time. Does anyone know yet? I could tell them if you like.”

Nagisa goes completely white. Kayano tugs at his sleeves nervously.

“Listen.” Say’s Karma. He lets the anger inside his drip out threw his voice. “If you don’t get away from us I will break your arm. Understand?”

Sugino made a sound like a scream which gave everyone in the vicinity a heart attack. They all turned to him, distracted. The baseball guy smirked at them with his team in tow.

“Sugino. Interesting you’re still in school. If I’d been humiliated like that I’d have dropped out!” he came up to Sugino, who was on his feet, fists clenched. Shindo poked his chest hard.

“Well? Tell me. How can you stand to be here? Isn’t you skin crawling? How can you even look your own classmates in the eye? They are partially the cause of your failure after all. Do you despise them? “

“Some of us.” Called Karma to rile them up. “He’s not very shy with his opinions.” Kayano let go of Nagisa to whack the back of his head. He shoved her away laughing.

Sugino hissed at him to fuck off and Shindo stared at him with obvious disgust.

“Ohh, you’re the little phsyco’s angry friend. I remember you from that shambles of a game.”

“And I remember you from the multiple times you got taken down by a four-foot gremlin.”

“He’s at least five foot!” he snapped back. “And I was taken by surprise.”

“You need to work on your perception, because we all saw the last one coming…”

Hit me, hit me. Hit me. Come on hit me. If he hit him he could hit back, come on it’s been so long, hit me hit me hit me…

Sadly Shindo had enough self-control to leave him alone. Instead, he gave Sugino one final contemptuous look and swept away.

Sugino screamed and kicked a flowerpot till it smashed. Kayano clung to Karma’s arm. He shrugged her off.

“Absolutely not, go hug Nagisa.”

“Nagisa isn’t here. He went away with Ren while you were annoying Sugino.”

For fuck’s sake.

Karma had to trapse around like a fool looking for the most problematic boy in the world. The look on his face encouraged the student body to keep any mocking remarks to themselves. Eventually he grabbed some shivering nobody and demanded he give up any information he knew.

“I I I  dontnn’t know!” he whined as Karma wrapped his hands around his neck.

“Come on kid, take a wild guess. Where would Gakasuu be?”

“Maybe the… the office? His office. It’s on the ground floor!”

“Lead the way.”

Karma let him go as soon as they arrived at the room. he sprinted away, clutching his neck. Coward.

Karma held his ear to the door. Silence.

It was locked, but Nagisa wasn’t the only one with lock skills. He kicked it down easily enough. The office was empty. Fuck.

He wandered around the small tidy room, looking for anything which might help. Behind Gakusuu’s desk was another door. This one wasn’t locked.

Karma cracked it open and pressed his eye to the gap. Through the door was a little garden, with gravel and a sad looking tree. Curled up below the tree was Nagisa. The look on his face made Karma’s stomach drop. Pure, undiluted, animal fear. Araki and Koyama were crouched beside him, pinning his arms to his sides. The top few buttons of his shirt were ripped open, exposing his bony ribs. He was staring up, eyes wide, at Gakusuu. Who was holding a lighter.

Karma threw the door open and tackled him. Gakusuu shrieked, dropping the lighter. Nagisa eyes were pinned on it, though the flame had gone out. He didn’t have time to figure out exactly why as Ren and Seo grabbed him, lifting him up by an arm and a leg, he thrashed, throwing them off but Gakusuu managed to get to his feet and leap on his back. Looks like he learned something from Nagisa. The three of them managed to pin him down long enough to tie his wrist and ankles up with their ties. Even like this Karma managed to bust up Seo’s nose with his knee. He fell back swearing and Gakusuu used his belt to tie Karma’s bound wrists to the door handle.

They stood back, breathing heavily. Karma thrashed and spat.

“Why do you make everything difficult?” demanded Gakusuu, running a hand through his sweaty hair. “Why can’t you just stay out of my way?”

“Fuck you pervert.”

“Excuse me?”

“What are you doing? What’s your obsession with Nagisa? You’re literally ripping his shirt off him! This isn’t even the first time this has happened. It’s really weird. You have serious phycological problems.”

“That is none of your business.” He yelled back.

“I mean, we do end up like this lot.” Pointed out Ren. “Just saying.  My cousin knows a good therapist. No shame in it.”

“Ren!” Gakusuu almost hit him. Karma bit his lip to keep from laughing.

“See? We are concerned about you Shuu-shuu! Need to talk about your daddy issues? Or are you just going to keep molesting people?”

Gakusuu kicked him in the stomach.

“Fuck!”

“Shut up! Just shut up! Ren, gag him.” Ren shrugged and looked around for something to use. His eyes fell on Karma’s stupid scarf.

Oh no.

He pulls it off, dodging Karma’s attempts to bite him -how did Nagisa make it look so easy- and laughed.

“Gakusuu? Come look at this.”

Everyone not holding Nagisa crowded around to stare.

“You let someone do that?” asked Seo. “I didn’t think you’d be the type. Who did it?”

A sick smile spread on Gakusuu’s face. “I can guess.”

Karma watched as it clicked on each of their faces. They slowly turned to Nagisa, who was still staring at the lighter. Gakusuu slowly wandered over and picked it up. He flicked it lazily, on and off. On and off.

“You know, you suit each other.” He purred. “You’re both so… unnatural. But that’s quite a mess. He crouched and leaned into Nagisa’s face. “When did you do it?”

“That is none of your business.” Karma yelled.

“Oh, I think he’ll tell me. He’s not that stupid. Are you Nagisa?”  Gakusuu held the lighter inches from Nagisa’s neck. His eyes went wide and he thrashed wildly.

“Please, I’m so sorry, I’ll be good, I’ll be good.” He begged. Araki and Koyama only tightened their grip.

Gakusuu held it closer, the flame barley an inch away from bare, burnable flesh. Nagisa went stock till except for his gasping breaths. A single tear rolled down his cheek.

“When.”

“Two, two night ago.” He whispered. Gakusuu laughed out loud.

“How?”

“I bit him. A lot.”

“Just on his neck?”

“Y-Yes.”

“Liar. I’ll check him. He can’t fight back like that. I’ll rip everything off him till I see every single touch.” Karma hunched in on himself, eyeing Ren and Seo. He almost felt their hands on him. Disgusting. He held the lighter even closer. Nagisa skin started to turn red. He pulled it away again as Nagisa sobbed.

“And his, his mouth. And his stomach and …um… and his shoulders? His chest and his waist. That’s it I swear! Please!”

He closed his eyes as Gakushuu  fiddled with the lighter. On and off. Karma dug his heels into the gravel and tried to rip free. Seo gave him a pitying look.

“That’s all? What a strange thing to say. I think that’s quite a lot, don’t you?” Nagisa nodded. Gakusuu grabbed his face with his free hand. He turned the flame off and pressed the light into the soft space under his chin. Nagisa whined from the hot metal.

“Did you do anything else?”

“No, I swear!”

“Interesting. Next time you should let us watch.”

“What?” everyone in the area gave the same question. Nagisa confused, Karma outraged and the others disgusted.

“I don’t want to see that.” Said Araki, wrinkling his nose.

“Again, the therapist…”

“Sut up Ren!” Gakusuu laughed manically. Brokenly. “Stop interrupting! Just stop.”

“Breath.” Nagisa whispered. All heads snapped to him. “His eyes were open again and fixed on Gakusuu’s face. He carefully lifts his unburned right hand until it rests on Gakusuuu’s chest. “Your heart is beating so fast. Why are you so upset?”

“I’m not upset.”

“Liar.” Says Nagisa, mimicking him gently. “Would you like, would you like to talk? Maybe that would help?”

“What, like you help my dad? Don’t forget you told me what you do together.”

“I wish you weren’t sad.” Nagisa croons gently. “You know, he told me what you do together too.”

Gakusuu flicks the lighter on.

Nagisa’s scream echos in Karma’s head. It drills into his brain until it’s all he can hear. He thrashes so hard the ties cut into his wrists and blood starts to drip down his plams. He’s vaguely aware he’s yelling, but he has no idea what. There’s no sound except for the scream.

Eventually Gakusuu pulls the lighter away. Karma can see something glistening and wet stick to it. He felt vomit simmering in his throat.

“Nagisa?” he croaked.

Nagisa took deep shuddering breaths, his enite body shaking. The two holding his arms where staring at him with a kind of horrified fascination.

“I’ve never heard someone scream like that.” Breathed Koyama.

Gakusuu stared at the lighter in his hand. He brought it to his nose and sniffed the blood and skin sticking to it.

“You freak.” Spat Karma. He was ignored. Gakusuu got down on his knees and pressed his nose to the fresh burn under Nagisa’s chin. He tried to twist his head away but Gakusuu caught him by the hair.

“Interesting.” He said again. He held the lighter against Nagisa’s cheek.

“She never burned you here. Is it cause you’re pretty? Or did she not want to get in trouble?” he tugged his hair again. “Answer me.”

“Both, both.” He choked out. “But mostly pretty, I think.

Karma can’t quite process what he’s hearing. A weird sense of panic was sending adrenaline shots through his brain and he could barley see straight. A thin trail of blood dripped from Nagisa’s chin to the gravel.

“I think you’d still be pretty, even if I messed up your face a little. Just a little.”

Nagisa wails and Gakusuu presses his thumb to the switch.

“That enough.” They whip around. Principle Asano stands in the doorway, arms folded. He has the cruellest smile Karma has ever seen.

“Don’t do anything you’ll regret. I won’t be here to dig you out of this mess, and you certainly don’t have the skills yourself.”

Gakusuu makes a sound like a balloon deflating and scrambles to his feet. “Principle, I can explain.”

The principle walks right past him like he doesn’t exist. Araki and Koyama quickly back away, cowering together behind the tree.

The principle crouches down and runs  a gentle finger over the burn. Nagisa stays silent. His eyes are unreadable.

“Can you stand?” Nagisa stays frozen. The principal nods to himself and carefully scoops him up in his arms. Nagisa keeps his hands pressed to his exposed chest and stares at nothing. The principle is as invisible to Nagisa as his son was to him. Karma watches as he disappeared back into the office.

“Untie him.” He calls over his shoulder. “And be careful. I’m sure he would kill you all, if he could.”

They agree on something for once.

Gakusuu unties him mechanically while the others pin him down. I’ll check him. He can’t fight back like that. I’ll rip everything off him till I see every single touch.  He cringes each time their hands brush against him. How can he be this helpless? They leave one hand tied to give them time to run while he unties himself. Once he’s free he swears at the sky and pounds his fists against the wall, the gravel, the tree. When his knuckles are bloody and a few definitely broken he stumbles back through the school. One of his ankle’s throbs and he barley keeps himself moving. He wants to go home. He wants his bed. Most of all he wants Nagisa. He’s terribly empty.

He stumbles out of the school to where the others are waiting. Kayano cries when she sees him, even harder after he explains. Karasuma wraps an arm around him and guides him up the mountain. He doesn’t brush his arm away. He feels he might die if Karasuma lets him go.

His touch is firm and unyielding, and he needs it more than anything he has ever needed. Karasuma gently sits him in the car and climbs into the driver’s seat. He lets Karma hold his sleeve as he drives to the hospital.

“What about Nagisa? Don’t you need to get him?”

“The principle has him, he won’t be hurt. Not like you are. Right now, you are my priority.”

“Really?”

“Yes.” He says gruffly. They don’t look at each other. After they get out of the car Karasuma wraps his arm around him again.

Later; in the waiting room, through the scans, through the doctor setting his broken bones, he pretends his eyes are watery from the pain. No one accuses him of lying.

Karasuma doesn’t let go of his hand for the next six hours.

Chapter Text

Nagisa stared at the ceiling and kept his expression empty. He was on his back on the couch in the principal’s office. Principle Asano claimed he was the only one allowed on it. Something especially his. A special treat, to someone who’s never owned much. He supposes it’s to make him more obedient, a form of gratitude.

He blinks and the ceiling blurs. No. He can’t cry. He mustn’t. It’s one of the worse things he can do.

He supresses the tears, but it’s too late. The principle misses nothing. How could he? He’s so close. He’s kneeling by his head, stroking his hair gently. He’s already bandaged the fresh burn on his chin, and “checked” all the others. He likes doing that.

“Tell me again.” He purrs. “What happened?”

Nagisa begins for the third time. “Gakushuu dragged me away while the others were distracted. I would have bit him, but he held the lighter against my face and I froze. Then he took me to the garden.”

He drifts away while he tells the rest. He remembers every detail, It’s strange. During it all he could think of was the fire. The burn. And…

Karma. He had looked so scared, all tied up like that. Vulnerable. It made his heart hurt to think of it. Nagisa was selfish for dragging him into this. Whatever this was. He should tell Karasuma to move Karma out, he should stop talking to him. Drive him off.

But Nagisa was incredibly selfish. Karma was his. He’d kill him before anyone else could have him.

I am a disgusting person. His throat closed over, and he pressed his lips together to stop them trembling.

“You haven’t finished.” Says the principle, nails scratching at his scalp. “Come along. What happens next? He held it to your face. And then I came.”

“And then you came.” He mumbles, closing his eyes. Principle Asano sighs happily runs a finger over Nagisa’s cheek.

“Good. Good, you remember things so well.” He doesn’t expect a response. “You remember other things too, don’t you?”

“Don’t make me.” He pleads. “I already told you a story.”

“Nagisa.” He flinches. His voice was cold, cruel. His nails dug into his cheek.

“Tell me something new.”

“Once,” he drifts away again. “She wanted me to wear something pretty, but I was too scared to smile…”

That one had hurt. The principle adored the ones that hurt. He buried his face in Nagisa’s hair and breathed in deep while Nagisa spoke.

The first time he did this, Nagisa thought he knew what to expect.

Karasuma led him down the mountain for his first meeting with the principle. Nagisa kept a distance large enough so he couldn’t grab him. Karasuma didn’t seem to mind, as long as he didn’t get too far. He came closer when they reached the main campus. So many people staring at him.

He bared his teeth at them so they squirmed.

“Let’s not antagonise anyone.” Said Karasuma quietly. Nagisa shrugged, but took a careful step away from him. He didn’t look angry. But you never know.

Karasuma didn’t come into the office with him. He waited just outside the door till the principle dismissed him.

Nagisa was alone.

“Good morning Nagisa.”

“Morning.” He picked at the bandaged on his hand. The fresh burn underneath itched awfully, all the time. It drove him mad at night. Long hours of warm hot silence. He didn’t sleep anymore.

“Come. Sit down.” Nagisa looked around for the unsafe rickety chairs from the last time he was here.

“I bought something new for you. Since you’ll be here so often.” Said the principle. He gestured to the far corner of his office. A small black couch. Discreet, partially hidden by a filing cabinet. Nagisa hesitantly backed away from him and sat down. Asano stood and came towards him. Nagisa heart shot up into his throat and he froze in place.

“Let’s just talk.”

People never just wanted to talk. Not to Nagisa.

“Relax.” Purred the principle. “Lie down.” Nagisa leapt up and tried to run.

He caught him easily and pinned him down on the couch. He only used his arms, one across his chest, the other over his thighs. Nagisa clawed at him, unable to get close enough to bite. The principle just knelt quietly beside him waiting until, inevitably, he exhausted himself.

He lay mostly still, aside from the shaking. Asano took the arm off his legs but kept the one on his chest.

“Just breath.” He said. “I really do just want to talk. Tell me about your apartment. Is it nice?”

He nods, half sobbing.

“Ok. How about your room. What does it look like? Answer me.”

“It’s nice.” The principle stayed silent until he continued. “The walls are white. I have a blue duvet, and a white one. I have a wardrobe and a lamp. Can I get up please? I’ll be good, I swear.”

“No. Let’s keep talking.” With his free hand he stroked Nagisa’s tangled hair. He didn’t brush it that often anymore.

“I met your mother. Interesting women. I learned so much about your… relationship. I’m quite observant you know.” He slips a finger under Nagisa’s shirt and presses on am old burn scar. Nagisa closes his eyes.

“Mother loves me very much.” He tries. He can’t know, he can’t!

“Oh Nagisa.” He says. “You don’t need to lie. Not to me. I want to hear all of it. You’ll tell me, won’t you? Because if you don’t I simply won’t have any use for you. I don’t need something boring. Do you want to go home?”

“Please.” He whispers. Asano holds his burned hand so hard he’s sure his bones will crack.

“Talk Nagisa.” He whispers. “Try not to bore me.”

Nagisa sits cross-legged on one side of the coach and the principle sits cross-legged on the other. It was weird to see such a tall man sit like that. The funny side still hadn’t worn off, which had the unfortunate effect making him very present. It was hard to zone out when you were trying not to laugh.

The principle looks at him expectedly. Nagisa does what he’s supposed to do.

“Tell me about him.”

The principles pride and joy, his darling. His favourite subject aside from human suffering. His boy.

“My Ikeda.” He says with a content little sigh. “He was perfect, such a perfect boy…”

Nagisa nods along to the old stories. He always starts out so happy. Then he gets to the bad part. The suicide.

“All I had left was him. The baby. His mother already left me. I had to raise him alone. And I did the best I could. He is so close, but he can’t get there. Why can’t he just… be good? Look at him. Assaulting people. Even if it’s only you. He’s not even doing it psychologically; he has to hurt you. Doesn’t he?”

Nagisa nods. This is the bad bit.

The principle strokes his cheek before winding his hair around his fist. He gently pulls him until his head rests on his chest. Nagisa mechanically wraps around him, feeling the familiar weight of the principles arms holding too tight. His ribs constrict painfully.

The hug. He manages to muffle his laughter against his chest. Still not used to it. After an awkward moment they let go of each other. Asano returns to his desk and Nagisa curls up on his side. He will have to lie here until dismissed. It rarely lasts long, but the principle seems particularly stressed. He likes looking at him while he works.

Nagisa watches him back, covertly, from under his lashes. He wonders what it would be like to bite him. Sour. Bitter probably. Maybe tough? Old skin. He’d probably like it. The principle was a desperately lonely man, though he didn’t know it. He gorged himself on the misery of others to avoid his own pathetic interior. He saw his son as competition to his own memory of Ikeda. Because Gakushuu was better than Ikeda could ever be. Better at studies, at socialising, at leading. Even better at basketball, and virtually any other sport. But to admit that would be to admit his darling wasn’t perfect. So, he held his standards ever higher.

Maybe Gakushuu would kill him one day. He had the motivation, and the means. The school had a very well-stocked chemistry closet, and he had a well-stocked mind. Or maybe Asano would kill him. Then Ikeda would be better, forever and always. Nagisa smiled to himself. Maybe they’d kill each other. How perfect that would be?

For the first time in his life Nagisa spent the night in the principal’s office. From how relaxed the principle looked sleeping in his chair he guessed it wasn’t his first time. It was one of the most awkward nights of Nagisa’s life. It just got later and later and he didn’t dare move. It wasn’t like he could sleep a few hours away. So he’d just been lying there. 

Asano opened his eyes and looked at him with almost a smile.

“Good morning. Shall I escort you back to your building?” As if either of them had a choice.

“Sir, about Gakushuu.” He swallowed. “What will happen, about yesterday?”

He stared at him with a blank smile. “Whatever do you mean? Nothing happened yesterday. Nothing needs to be done. Don’t stir up trouble, I don’t want to notify your mother.”

Nagisa looked at the ground and scratched at his new bandage. “Yes Sir.”

The walk up the mountain felt even longer than usual. His body felt like lead as he dragged himself onwards. The principle had an uncharacteristic spring in his step.

Finally they arrived at the building. Kayano and Isogai were sitting on the steps. Asano scowled. There was no love lost between him and Kayano. She stuck her tongue out at him and seized Nagisa’s arm, dragging him inside.

“Awful man.” She muttered, stroking Nagisa’s shoulder. Isogai hurried after them.

“I have a first aid kit; do you need me to get it?”

He shook his head, refraining from picking at his bandage. If one more person tried to patch him up he wouldn’t be able to not hurt them. He really didn’t want to get restrained today.

Kayano gave him a sly smile. “Want to see Karma?” She was rewarded with a blush.

Karma was in the teachers lounge. He lay sprawled the couch while Karasuma worked at his desk. Kayano suspected he was sleeping off the pain meds the doctors gave him.

“You know you people have a common room.” said Karasuma while getting up. “Just letting you know. This is not the only social area in the building.”

Kayano shushed him and shepherded him out of the room. She closed the door after them, giving Nagisa a thumbs up. His entire face was definitely scarlet.

He sat tentatively by Karma’s feet.

“How’s your hand?”

Karma gave him the middle finger, which would usually be threating. However, the hand he used to do it was strapped into a heavy black brace. Which meant he was also sort of giving the peace sign and a thumbs up. Or down. 

“Fair. I’m really sorry you got tied up a bunch. And that I told them things.” He picked at the bandage on his wrist. Asano had changed that one too.

“Are you mad at me?”

“No.” said Karma, voice muffled by a pillow. “I’m just planning a homicide.”

“Can I help? We could go to jail together.”

“I was thinking more about a life on the run. I know I’m flawlessly beautiful but red heads can’t wear orange.” He flopped onto his back and lazily stretched his arms out. Nagisa crawled on top of him and cuddled into his chest. He trailed his fingers over the still vivid marks on Karma’s neck and vowed to make new ones more discreet. For both of their safety. He felt weightless, comfortable. Karma wrapped his arms around him and dozed.

“Next time you get kidnapped scream. I’ll come save you much quicker. K?” His voice was muffled, sleepy. Adorable.

Mine, thought Nagisa deep inside. He was selfish, but right now he didn’t care. He nodded against Karma’s warm chest.

He didn’t sleep. But he didn’t move either.

Chapter Text

Karma woke up when Nagisa’s hair tickled his nose. He blew it away lazily and tried to go back to sleep. His hand throbbed under its brace, making him frown slightly. It was… not a great situation. Breaking his own knuckles wasn’t the best move, especially when the schools Queen Bee was fond of kidnapping his… Nagisa. His signature style of punching people repeatedly would have to be put on hold. Not that he was defenceless. Absolutely not. He could still defend himself. And Nagisa of course. Let Gakushuu try again, see what he’d do!

What would he do?

He wrapped his arms tighter around Nagisa. He felt him stiffen but couldn’t bring himself to let go. What could he do? Nagisa got burned and Gakushuu had no consequences! They were literally at this crazy school’s mercy. It wasn’t like Nagisa could transfer.

Nagisa suddenly tried to sit up but couldn’t get out of his arms.

“Wait…,” said Karma, before Nagisa sank his teeth into his neck. He shrieked and tossed him off. Nagisa fell on the floor in an angry heap, leaping up and running for the door. He stopped halfway there and turned around. They stared at each other across the room.

“I’m sorry.” Said Nagisa through gritted teeth. “I… I’m sorry.” His entire body shook with the effort of holding still. He took a tiny step backwards and froze again.

Karma stayed sitting down, feeling like he was soothing a deer, or rabbit, or other timid woodland animal. He cleared his throat and tried to sound like Karasuma.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Nagisa considers him for a moment, and slowly comes back over. He sits primly on the arm of the sofa. “It’s ok. Everything scares me really.”

Karma didn’t deny it, because. Well. It was more or less true. They sat in an awkward silence.

Nagisa looked at him after a moment and raised his eyebrows.

“You’re scared.”

Karma scoffed. Nagisa pressed on regardless.

“You feel helpless due to being tied down so violently. You think your injury makes you vulnerable, which may well be true. For the first time in a long time, you realise other people have as much or even more power than you. You’re horrified.”

Karma glared at him. “Stop analysing me.”

“Sorry. Habit. But you don’t have to be scared. I’m sure they won’t attack you, only if you don’t actively antagonise Gakushuu. You can just… avoid them.”

“And leave you to deal with them alone? No chance.” Karma couldn’t look away from the new plaster on his chin. “I can’t believe I took so long to follow you. If I’d noticed sooner, or if I fought harder, then this wouldn’t have happened.” He clenched his damaged hand into a pathetic approximation of a fist. Useless.

“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. It was literally three on one. Karasuma can’t fight three people at once. Probably.”

Karma shrugged. He felt a little better. “I could take Gakushuu in a fight though. And Ren.”

“Everyone can take Ren in a fight. One time I bit him, and he fainted.”

“What! When?”

Karma stretched his legs out in preparation for a long tale, claiming the whole couch. Nagisa promptly sat on his legs and launched into his story.

“It was three months ago, right after I was falsely accused of breaking a teacher’s arm. He actually broke it from falling after I chased him so, I’m innocent. Anyway.…”

They stayed like that, floppy and relaxed until Karasuma chased them out so he could use his desk.

In the corridor they ran into Sugino. Nagisa tensed beside him, and Karma considered whether he could pummel Sugino in his current state. He decided yes.

“Does it hurt?” asks Sugino stiffly.

“A bit.” Nagisa picks at his burned left hand. Sugino gently bats at his wrist, so he stops. Karma shifts his feet slightly, ready to lunge if Nagisa needs protection. Instead Nagisa smiles shyly and steps aside so Sugino can pass. Uninjured.

Boring.

Karma followed him do the dining hall. Kayano was at their usually table, using a nail scissors to systematically cut models out of a lingerie magazine. Okajima was hovering nearby, ogling at the illicit images. They sat beside her and the surprisingly tall pile of semi-nude women.

“Do I dare ask what your doing?” asked Karma.

“Culling the unworthy.” She answered darkly.

“Yay!” Nagisa cheered. 

“You can help if you want.” Said Kayano, handing them two tiny scissors. “I borrowed the scissors off the girls. We can’t use normal scissors. Cause, you know. Criminal record.”

“Your criminal record of…” pushed Karma encouragingly.

Kayano mined zipping her mouth shut and refocused all of her attention on her culling. Nagisa joined in with a similarly concerning amount of vigour.

Apparently, cutting out models was not one of Karma’s strong suits. After he accidently cut off three paper hands, he was sent to chase Okajima away from their activities. He was so good at this he chased him through the woods for the next three hours.

It felt amazing. He should do this more often.

After class the next day the majority of the students decide to study outside. The day was bright, sunlight streaming down on the P.E field. Karma streches out like a cat while Kayano and Nagisa use his legs as a low table. To annoy them he periodically kicks and sends their notebooks flying.

Kayano playfully screams at him after he does it for the eighth time, but he drowns her out easily enough. He’s in the delirious half-asleep half-awake place when he suddenly realises she’s stopped talking. He cracks one eye open to see her staring at something across the field.

He doesn’t bother investigating until Nagisa’s nails dig into his calf.

“Enough with the talons.” He muttered, sitting up to pry his grip away. Nagisa clutches his hand and clings on tighter, his entire body one tense coil. He twists to check what they’re looking at.

A man stands at the far end of the filed, beside the school’s entrance. He gives a quick, awkward wave. A low wail spills out of Nagisa’s mouth, and he buries his head in Kayano’s shoulder. She croons at him, glaring at the man.

Karma stands up and places himself between them and the stranger. He could be a nice guy, he could be depraved. Given Nagisa’s relationship with anyone ever, he’s not going to give the guy the benefit of the doubt. If he took one step closer Karma would rip his throat open, broken knuckles be dammed. Karasuma appeared at the school’s entrance and hurriedly ushered him inside.

 Lucky guy. Karma had just gotten tired of waiting.

A few minutes later he reappeared and made his way towards them.

“Who’s that?”

Karasuma ignored him in favour of crouching beside Nagisa.

“Ok. Let’s take a big deep breath. You can do this. How bad could it be?”

Nagisa screamed.

Kayano wrapped her arms around him, still murmuring softly.  He thrashed until she was forced to back away to save her bones. Alone on the grass he spasmed into a horrifying contortion of a human body. He slammed his head against the dirt so hard Karma could hear the impact. Undeterred he brought it down again and again until Karasuma had to use both hands to hold it still. He used one knee on Nagisa’s back to pin him down and used the other for leverage. Despite the size difference and their positions Nagisa still managed to put up enough of a fight Karasuma couldn’t let go long enough to pick him up.

“Will you please calm down?” He yelled over Nagisa’s wails. “I swear nothing will happen to you!”

Nagisa was beyond words.

The rest of the class was gathered in a rough semicircle to watch. Karma saw Sugino dithering a few feet away, looking like he’d either run or break down. Useless.

“Karma, can you hold him down? Try get him on his back so I can pick him up!”

Karma’s head felt fuzzy. It hurt to look away from the writing mass of limbs. Nagisa’s left sleeve had ridden up, exposing his burned hand and arm. The skin looked rough and sore in the harsh sun.

“Karma! I need you to hold him!” Karasuma looked at his wits end as Nagisa almost knocked him over. He kept his balance by pressing down even harder on his back.

“He’s going to get hurt if you don’t move!”

Karma’s body jerked forward of its own accord. He knelt on Nagisa’s lower back while Karasuma swung his leg off and readjusted his hold on his head.

“Here’s the plan. When you’re ready you’re going to roll his towards me so I can carry him in. Got it?”

He nodded vaguely. He couldn’t look away from Nagisa’s arm. Gently he tugged his sleeve down, so he was safe and covered again.

“Ready?”

“Ready.”

He rolls him hard, and Karasuma hooks his arms around his torso and thighs. He hoisted him up and almost ran inside. There are deep divots in the dirt where Nagisa had kicked and clawed. Karma crouches down to touch them.

Beside him Kayano sticks out her tongue and generally behaves wildly until the crowd disperses. Then she crouches beside him and pats his hand.

“It’s been a while.” She says conversationally. “He hasn’t done that in ages!”

“A lot has been going on.” Answered Karma vaguely. “What set him off?”

“His father.”

Karma stares at the building. Somewhere inside there was going to be a reunion. He pictured Nagisa’s destroyed arms. A sick feeling swelled in his stomach.  

Two hours later Karasuma, Nagisa and Nagisa’s dad are in the teachers lounge. Karasuma took the precaution of shoving a bookcase against the door so no one could peak in.

Kayano and Karma sat on Nagisa’s bed playing a morose game of snap. Karma strained his ears for any sound. The occasional crash he heard floating up the stairs was not comforting.

“So. I’ve heard somethings about Nagisa’s mom. What’s up with his dad?”

“That’s not really for me to tell. “

“Come on Kayano, at least tell me something? Is he… safe down there?”

She sighed. “I don’t actually know that much myself. But I’m pretty sure he doesn’t… Nagisa’s not scared of him. I know that.”

“And the tantrum was because?”

“Nagisa’s dad is a fairly passive guy. I think Nagisa’s worried his mom sent him here to talk him into something. But, again, he doesn’t tell me much. All I know for sure is he left long before Nagisa got arrested.”

Karma looked at her under his eyelashes. Would this be a good segue? Sure, he was concerned about Nagisa, but there was the lingering question…

“What did your parents say when you got arrested?”

Kayano rolled her eyes. “Are you that curious?”

He nods.

“Fine. I’ll tell you, but you’ll owe me a favour. I always collect my favours.” She put down her playing cards and smoothed out her skirt.

“I lived with my sister before I came here. She had this… boyfriend. Fiancée. He was, excuse my language, a bitch. He was probably a narcissist, but also a genius. He always had this stupid smug look on his face. Like he was a king, and we were just his subjects. His charity cases. They worked in the same lab doing some kind of experiment. I knew he talked down to her, criticised everything she did, but I thought that was all.

And then one day I came home and found her on the floor. Her nose was bleeding, she had a black eye and two broken fingers. You know what she said? ‘It was my fault. I should be more careful.’”

Kayano’s hands curled into tight fists in her lap.

“After I put her to bed, I used a screwdriver to take the legs off our dining room table. When he got home I smashed one into his smug little face.”

She laughed, a manic look in her eye.

“I just kept hitting him. He begged in the end. Screamed. He called for my sister, but she was too concussed to get up. To save him. I liked that. Poetic justice, don’t you think? Eventually he just stopped moving. I hit him till his face was just a messy red hole. Then I called the police. I said he came at me like he did my sister. That he kept trying to hurt me, so when he went to work, I got the table leg to try scare him. I told them he wouldn't stop fighting, and, well. I was 13 and cute. Of course the courts ruled self-defence.

But I still had to have some consequences. A 6 month stay at a psychiatric ward was recommended, but then the principle came. And now I’m here.”

She sighed and lent back against the headboard. “You’re the only person I’ve told, beside Nagisa.”

Karma tried to figure out what the correct response to that might be. Probably not congratulations, definitely not laughter. Maybe a small applause?

“So what did your sister think?”

“She’s never forgiven me. She backed me through the trial, told them all the things he did. But the day before I came here, she told me I killed the love of her life. I’ll never forget the way she looked at me. Like I was the monster. Not him. She told me his smashed bloody face is the only thing she can see when she thinks about me. I haven’t spoken to her since.”

Karma wasn’t good at this sort of thing. What would Nagisa say? He watched in horror as a single tear ran down Kayano’s cheek. Awkwardly, he reached over to hold her hand.

“There there. It’s alright.”

“Your face!” Kayano laughed shakily. “Never become a therapist. I think you’d be less terrified if I morphed into a dinosaur. You don’t need to worry. I won’t cry more, or kill anyone here. Probably.”

Karma threw the playing cards at her and vowed to never leave a tool kit unattended. Just in case.

They spent the next 2 hours trying and failing to play domino’s with playing cards.

Isogai came and found them just as the sun was setting.

“I’ve been sent as a sort of warning. Nagisa’s dad is about to leave.”

As one they all hurried down the stairs, just in time to see the man hurrying out the front door. Kayano almost followed him, but Isogai grabbed her arm.

“No violence.” He said firmly.

They turned to the teachers lounge just as Karasuma stepped out.

“I’m going outside.” He said shortly. “Scream if you need me.” He marched on.

 Karma’s heart short circuited as he felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. He whirled around to see Nagisa standing in the lounge doorway. A wide smile is plastered over his face.

“I’m going to bed!” his voice is too high, strained.

“Would you like to talk?” asks Isogai, cautiously moving towards him.

Nagisa’s hand shoots out and latches onto Isogai's arm. He grips so light his knuckles turn white.

“I’m going to bed.” He says again, a tinge of hysteria creeping into his voice. Isogai nods, stepping back the second he’s released. Nagisa stumbles up the stairs, laughing. They follow at a respectful difference.

Along the way other students peak out of their rooms to stare. Kayano glares at them, which doesn’t do much to scare them off.

In their room Nagisa kneels by his bed and buries his head in his duvet. He claws at his burned hand, flakes of dry, and then wet skin falling to his lap.

Isogai shakes his head and closes the door. Though the wood they hear him a vague buzz of mumbling.

Karma sleeps in the teachers’ lounge.

Chapter Text

Everything had been going so well! Karma wasn’t mad about the kidnapping, his burn barely hurt and Sugino seemed to ever so slightly not hate him.

Why couldn’t the world just stop doing things to him?

He’d been listening to Kayano yell at Karma when he’d seen him. His heart plunged down inside as every cell froze over. Ice swelled up his throat and he reached out blindly to grab something, anything. Vaguely he heard Karma talking, holding his hand. Nagisa clung to it like a lifeline.

His father waved at him.

 Kayano murmured something and he buried his face in her shoulder to hide. If he didn’t see him, he wasn’t real. If he just didn’t look then nothing would happen. He’d go away. He’d…

Karasuma crouches beside him.

“Ok. Let’s take a big deep breath. You can do this. How bad could it be?”

“How bad could it be? Just do what she says. Please? For me?”

Nagisa started to scream.

His head filled with images with smells with feelings and he slammed it down to get rid of them. The familiar throbbing helped chase the memories away, so he did it again and again and again and

Hands dug deep into his hair and crushed his face against the dirt. His mouth and throat were blocked up by grass, but he couldn’t turn his head enough to breath. He writhed, limbs flying as something heavy came down on his back. He clawed at the ground, feeling his nails crack. One burned as it completely ripped off.  His eyes blurred until he didn’t know what he was seeing anymore. He felt hot flashes that could only be fire. Please, please I’m so sorry… He screamed again as he thrashed, one sleeve riding up. That was bad, so bad it gave her such an easy place to touch, please please don’t…

A warm hand gently tugged his sleeve down. Something settled on his back while the hands in his hair loosened enough for him to choke in a breath. Hands shoved him hard and suddenly he was in the air. He wailed, thrashing against the strong arms.

He was dropped stomach down against something soft. His head was pressed down again, but this time he could turn and breath properly. Rather than being crushed, something strong just held him still. He gasped, exhausted. His hair was stroked gently and the ringing in his head receded until he could hear Karasuma.

“You’re ok.” He said quietly. “Everything’s ok. I promise.”

Nagisa nestled his head against the soft couch cushions and went limp. So tired. He could almost sleep.

His father cleared his throat. His entire body jerked, and Karasuma let him sit up. He kept one hand on his shoulder so he couldn’t stand.

“Let’s just listen for a bit.” He said quietly. “No one’s doing anything drastic today. We’re just talking.”

Nagisa went stiff but nodded.

Just talking.

His father cleared his throat again.

“Hi Nagisa. I missed you. How have you been?” Nagisa stared at his hands and stayed quiet.

“Well.” He cleared his throat. “Your mom asked me to come see you. You know she can’t come, since you were under her guardianship when you… you know. Got arrested. But I got special permission from the principle. Are you happy to see me?” He trailed off, not meeting his eye.

She was talking to the principle? And he never thought to mention it? All those hours listening to the man pour his heart out. All those hours telling him about her. And he gives her hope? He says she might take him away? How dare he!

“Can we talk alone?” he asked. Nagisa tensed but Karasuma shook his head.

“I am Nagisa’s legal supervisor. I must be present through all school visits.”

His dad laughed awkwardly.

“In-interesting. Then I guess you hear the message too. Your mom is trying at arrange a visit. It all depends on your behaviour. She was hoping you could, act, nicely? For a few weeks? She was talking to the people managing your case…”

His own heartbeat drowned him out. He couldn’t go home. He couldn’t! She would kill him for what he did. And his father knew it. How could he sit there and say that? He knew, he…

“How bad could it be? Just do what she says. Please? For me?”

Nagisa clung to his father’s arm.

“I can’t.” he sobbed out. His throat was raw, and tears dripped down his face.

“Please, I can’t, I can’t do it.” The words were fast and broken as he cried. “Please! Help me.”

“Na~gi~sa, where are you? Don’t keep me waiting.” called his mother in a sick sing song.

“Just be good and she won’t be angry.” Insisted his father, prying his hands off. “Go on. Don’t make a fuss.”

Nagisa dragged his hands over his face to clear some tears and crept towards the bedroom. His mother was rummaging around in the closet, cooing over whatever was inside.

She smiled at him over her shoulder. Her eyes ran over him, pausing for a moment on his blood-stained arms.

“You haven’t cleaned up yet? Are you getting lazy?”

He shook his head, heart in his throat.

“Too busy arguing with your father? Don’t worry. It’s natural for children your age to get sulky.” She comes towards him and digs her nails into the fresh burns. He clenches his teeth to stay quiet.

“As long as you don’t get sulky with me then everything’s ok. Understand?” Her nails dug deeper.

“Yes mother.”

Good. Now get on the bed. I have so many wonderful things for you…”

“Please.” He begs, unable to stop the tears. “I don’t, I don’t understand. Why are you mad? I did everything.”

She laughs. A cruel empty sound. She flicks the lighter on and off and presses it to the same spot for the 5^th time.

He screams, sure the fires burning into his bone.

She leans in close and whispers right into his ear. “It’s not you I’m punishing.”

His eyes flick over to the corner. His father sits on the floor with his head in his hands. Nagisa wails and his father buries his head deeper.

“Keep crying.” She instructs him. “Let your father hear you. Why don’t you beg for him to save you? That would really tip him over the edge.”

“I won’t I won’t I won’t.” He insists. He never learns.

She digs her finger into the deep bloody wound on his arm and hooks her nail right under the skin. The pain is so intense he screams as she digs her nails into whatever’s inside him.

“Please.” He sobs. “Please, I can’t…”

She considers him for a moment. She takes her blood coated finger out of his arm and rummages through the kitchen drawers. He breaths while he can. His arms are above his head, tied to the table so the blood drips down across his shoulder, pooling in the hollow of his collar bones and trickling down his chest. It’s not usually this bad.

She comes back. In her hand is a knife.

“No, no no no no no no.” He begs as she holds it against his other arm.

“I told you.” She says crisply. “It doesn’t matter what you say. It isn’t about you.”

With that she cuts a short deep slash into his arm. As he cries, she forces the lighter deep inside the gash. And flicks it on.

“Pleasepleasedadmakeherstopididn’tdoanythingthisisn’tfairpleasepleaseiloveyousomuchhelpmehelpmehelpmehelp.”

His father stands and runs from the room. Underneath his own babbling he hears the front door open and slam shut.

“He left? He actually left?” She withdraws the lighter and tosses it on the floor. “Can you believe it?”

He breaths raggedly, unable to answer threw the fog of pain. Every nerve in his body hums, alive and burning.

“I always knew I married a coward.” She unties him and he crumples into a ball. The tiles are cold against his hot face.

She pats his back and heads towards her bedroom.

“I’m having an early night. See you in the morning darling.” She blows him a kiss and closes the door.

Alone on the kitchen floor he is silent. Still. He may as well be dead.

He sits still on the sofa. He doesn’t think his dad knows what he is thinking. Should he scream? He feels so tired. Heavy. Karasuma keeps his hand on his shoulder. He is grateful, without it he would keel over. Collapse. Implode.

His father looks at him hopefully.

“Would you like that? I'd stay over too. The three of us together again? For a few nights? I’m sure, with your teachers help we could arrange it. Your mother tells me you miss her.”

He brings his knees to his chest and hides his face in them. He can feel Karasuma eyes on him.

“Are you crying?” his father frets, getting up from his chair.

“Are you overwhelmed? She said you would be. Should I, would you like a…?”

He awkwardly sits beside him and wraps an arm around his shoulders.

Nagisa’s never bitten his father before. He always thought he’d feel guilty about it.

He does not.

His father screams, clutched at his neck. There’s no blood, it wasn’t that deep. He screams like his entire throats been ripped out. He stumbles back into a filing cabinet, sending it crashing to the floor. Then he promptly trips over it, hitting his head off the door frame. Karasuma runs at him before he manages to destroy the whole room and himself. He sets him down in the office chair and tries to calm him.

“Nagisa’s a little over excited, its usually best to avoid touching him.” He sooths briskly. “Let’s keep a distance, ok? Let me see your neck. You should be ok; I don’t think he broke the skin.”

Nagisa lies down and hides his face in a pillow. He hears his dad’s breath hitch, like he might be about to cry. After a moment Karasuma crouches beside him.

“Everything is ok.” He doesn’t touch him.

“I know.” He whispers against the pillow.

They are lying.

He refuses to say another word. Not to him. Eventually Karasuma gently ordered his father to leave. Nagisa kept his head pressed to the pillow as they left. His father hovered in the doorway for a moment, but he didn’t turn back. He never did.

Once their footsteps faded her pealed himself off the couch. He was ok. He was! This didn’t matter. He could just… pretend it never happened. Right? Pretend his father was off in some far corner of the world and his mother was… just…

Waiting. Angry. Ready to kill him.

He pressed his fingers against his forehead hard. It stung, fresh bruises starting to form across the skin. He couldn’t hit his head again. That would be not normal. And he could be normal.

He smiled, face twinging, and walked out of the office.

Isogai was waiting for him. He kind face was warped into a terrible blur of pity and fear. Because he was facing Nagisa. The crazy one. The fuse ready to blow.

“I’m going to bed.”

Isogai moves towards him; his mouth moves but he can’t hear anything over the sound of his teeth grinding together. He latches onto Isogai’s arm so he can’t get too close.

“I’m going to bed.” He insists.

He stumbles up the stairs. All along the walk he’s surrounded by faces. Laughing, blurred faces that just won’t stop staring. Tears build in his eyes as he almost flings himself into his room.

People are behind him. Who, he’s not sure. They’re watching. He knows they are. He can’t lie down, can’t be so vulnerable. Not while they’re there.

“Get up! I know you can hear me.”

His legs give out and he lands hard on the floor. His head pounds and he hides his face in his duvet. His lovely soft duvet.

He wishes he could go to sleep. He’d do anything if he could only go to sleep. Anything if he could only become something that wasn’t this. This useless shell of a person. He scratches at his burned hand, digging his nails in deep. He feels the scars give under his hands as slivers of skin caught in his nails. Maybe if he dug deep enough he could peal it right off? Tear all his skin off, every inch and every burn until he was clean. Smooth. Safe.

Or.

He could peal his skin off until he was a mess of wet muscles and glistening bones. If he made himself a monster, something completely disgusting, horrific, then no one would dare hurt him. Not ever.

Or.

He could peal his skin off until he disappeared. Peal and peal until there was nothing left at all, not even a memory. If everyone forgot about him, if she forgot about him then maybe, maybe he could just

Sleep.

Chapter Text

Sleeping on the couch didn’t agree with Karma. He was too long for the couch for one thing, for another it was lonely. It was quite frankly insulting how quickly he got used to having a roommate. 

Luckily for him, Karasuma made other arrangements after the first night. Once they managed to wake Nagisa up, (a concerningly difficult task), Karasuma decided to keep him under watch. He slept in Karma’s bed while Karma was sent back to Isogai’s room.

Nagisa himself didn’t do anything at all. For days. He ate when told, went to class when told, and wrote perfunctory answers to his homework. But his eyes were empty. He didn’t even scratch at his arms, which was ironically more disturbing than his usual self-mutilation.

He didn’t sleep. Or speak. Or exist. Not in any way that mattered. The only time Karasuma let him out of his sight was for his weekly meeting with the principle.

Karma avoided him. His empty eyes were too unnerving. Cold. He spent his days wandering around the school. His boredom grew so all-encompassing he studied. He studied biology. Dark times.

It was two weeks before something interesting happened.

A school dance. How cliché. Obviously, no one expected Nagisa to go. Or Kayano for that matter. Until an official email was sent to all teachers declaring attendance mandatory for all students.

Even the criminal ones.

Which, naturally, filled many people with severe misgivings.

While people were freaking out, Karma was doing his math homework. Isogai came to find him.

“Karma. I need to ask you a huge favour.”

“No.”

“Thanks. Can you please tell Nagisa about the party? Convince him to come?”

“Why can’t you ask him?”

Isogai shook his head slowly, a dark look on his face. “I fear he may kill me. Violently.”

“And you’re fine with me dying?”

Isogai gave him such a tearful look Karma gave in to make him stop. All this studying was making him soft.

He found Nagisa sitting on his bed. He stared at the wall, face blank. Karasuma sat on a chair beside him, grading homework. He levelled his gaze at Karma for a moment. Karma had the unpleasant feeling Karasuma was staring directly into his brain. After a moment he nodded, gathered his things, and stepped out of the room.

For the first time in two weeks, Karma and Nagisa were alone together.

“Hi.”

“Isogai sent you to tell me about the party. He’s worried the stress of human interaction will send me into a violent spiral and lead to serious bodily harm. He’s also concerned I will suffer severe mental trauma. Despite all this he wants me to go.”

“I don’t know why anyone bothers trying to tell you anything.”

Nagisa flopped onto his side and buries his head in his pillow. Karma sat beside him.

“I’m not going.” Nagisa mumbled into his pillow. “I won’t.”

“But think of all the people.”

Nagisa turned his head and gave him a Look.

“Hear me out. Aren’t you bored of phsyco analysing all of us? Just think of the main campus as… fresh meat. And if you only analyse them and stay calm, Karasuma will let me move back in with you.”

Nagisa tipped his head, considering him.

“Plus…” he leans close enough to whisper directly into Nagisa’s ear. “Don’t you want to see me in a suit? Don’t you want to see me taking off the suit?”

Nagisa blushed pink and buried his head into the pillow. “I hate you.”

Karma kissed his back of his neck and he shuddered. He got up and moved back to the door. He paused just before stepping out.

“By the way. I can’t wait to see you in a suit too.”

He heard Nagisa muttering to himself as he made his way back down the hallway. Back downstairs Isogai ran to him. He checked him for bitemarks and then stared at him imploringly. There wasn’t much hope in his face.

“He said yes.”

“Seriously? How?”

Karma shrugged. Isoagi flung himself at him before he could dodge, wrapping him in a hug. Karma froze, horrified by this turn of events. Isogai pulled away, grinning from ear to ear.

“I’ll tell Karasuma! You’re a life saver.” He gave him another quick hug and hurried away. Karma hoped this physical affection was a one-off occurrence. If Isogai thought he was a touchy person his life would soon become incredibly uncomfortable.  This helping malarky may have been a mistake.

The day of the event was a flurry of activity. For once Isoagi wasn’t responsible for everybody. Instead, a group girls formed a strong task force who rigidly directed the remaining students. It was honestly terrifying. Once people were dressed they set upon them with combs to create the most elaborate hairstyles known to man. Once the looks were completed, they herded everyone into the classroom to wait.

The majority of the class either bought outfits on a weekend home or were sent cloths. Karma’s parents sent him a perfectly satisfactory suit with a bow tie. He was sure Nagisa would approve. Karasuma bought dresses and suits for anyone who didn’t have one. He bought Isogai a snappy black number, and Kayano a frankly ethereal green tulle thingy. Who knew the man had taste? Nagisa was sent a package from home, but Karasuma intersected it and bought him something else, for some reason.

Karma, dodging the girl’s best efforts, arranged himself into a perfectly gorgeous, dishevelled, God of a person and went to find Nagisa. He expected admiration and was confident he would find it.

He found him in his room. He had black suit pants that somehow disguised his painful thinness while still showing how delicate his limbs were. His black shirt made his hair seem especially vibrant, which Kayano had formed into an intricate knot at the base of his neck.  He had no jacket, showing off the graceful curve of his body. At his collar was a blue ribbon, drawing attention to his pale throat. Karma ran his tongue over his teeth. This must be what Nagisa felt.

Nagisa stared at him, eyes alive and bright for the first time in… too long.

Nagisa moved faster than should be possible, latching his arms around Karma’s neck.

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

Nagisa pressed his lips to Karma’s pulse. So softly.

“I’d like to bite you.” He murmurs, lips brushing against his skin. Karma has the horrible urge to whine. Nagisa’s tongue flicks out, and his knees almost shake.

“But I won’t.” he pulls back. “No more marks. Too dangerous.” He cracks a smile, which Karma doesn’t return. They head downstairs in silence.

Once everyone is assembled Karasuma leads them down the mountain. The party is held in the schools ginormous assembly hall. One portion was lined with long tables for dinner, the other free for mingling to music. Here they are supposed to practice business canvasing but will most likely be used as a dance floor.

Karasuma sits the majority of them at the table closest to the door. He brings Kayano and Nagisa with him to the teacher’s table. For supervision. Karma can see several teachers lose the will to live as the mini criminals come towards them. Isogai and Maehara sit Karma between them for safe keeping.

Just as things seemed to be going smoothly the universe played it's favourite game: Ruin Karma's evening.

Ren Sakakibara sat directly across from Karma. he was quickly flanked by the majority of the big 5. Gakushuu was notably absent. Beside Karma, Isogai tensed.

"Listen." he said quietly. "We just want to say sorry. I know things went a bit far. The whole burning thing. We shouldn't have done that." 

Karma felt his face curl into a manic grin as he wrapped his hand around the handle of his butter knife.

"Really? Why the sudden fit of conscience? Did you leader's clear derangement scare you? Hmmm?"

Ren gritted his teeth into a smile. The others shuffled awkwardly around him.

“Gakushuu is a bit… unsettled these days. For personal reasons. He normally wouldn’t… you know,”

“Tie up and mutilate other children?”

“Yes. Exactly.” He ran his hands through his hair. The normally perfect swoosh was messy, sticking up at odd angles. “It’s not my place to go into details, but he’s having some family troubles. It’s making him stressed.”

“He can join the club.”

“Look. All jokes aside, we are sorry. It won’t happen again.”

Karma grinned at them. He wouldn’t grant them the mercy of accepting such an apology. Anyway, he wasn’t the one who deserved it most.

“Make peace with Nagisa and I’ll consider the matter settled.” He said pompously.

“Do you promise you won’t do anything drastic until I can?”

“I don’t think I’ll have much time.”

“I feel you could do a lot in two weeks.”

His heart gave a strange flutter inside him. A glance at Isogai’s face showed similar concern. Ren looked between them, seeming confused.

“Didn’t you know? He’s going home for two weeks. His mother’s waiting in the reception.”

Karma stood so fast his chair fell back with a crash. Isogai was on his heels as they sprinted to the doorway. Karasuma was right outside, having a screaming match with the principle. Well, he was screaming, the principle was nodding silently with a terrible smug smile on his face.

Karma didn’t bother to stop, crashing right into the principle. Asano was a large man, but Karma was a large boy with velocity on his side. They both crashed onto the floor. Karma had had a second to brace, so he recovered first. His hands found their way into the principle’s hair, yanking it so hard a few strands came loose.

“Where is he? Where is Nagisa!”

Karasuma and Isogai dragged him off, horrified. Karasuma held him tight so he didn’t attack again. The principle recovered quickly, standing and straightening his cloths.

“You will face serious consequences for that.”

“Where is he?”

“He’s probably halfway out of Kunukigowka by now. Karasuma has given such glowing reports of his behaviour we decided he deserved it. Our school is keen on family values after all.

“You’re such a shit parent you’ve turned your son into a maniac!  You’re ruining everyone’s life! Do you get off on this? What the fuck is wrong with you? Why? Just why?”

The principle’s face contorted into a smile so patronising Karma wanted to scream. Asano turned and practically sauntered off, leaving him writhing in Karasuma’s arms. He fought harder, desperate. How dare he walk away? How dare he toss Nagisa away like that? Karasuma pressed on his neck hard until his head exploded in pain. He fought off unconsciousness as his legs buckled.

“It’s not fair.” He whispered, voice cracking. “He can’t do this.”

“Hush. It’s ok. Everything will be ok.” Karasuma’s voice ran through his head, soothing the pain until he went limp. He dimly felt himself being scooped up in gentle arms. Strange, he thought as sleep tugged at his mind, that was such a Nagisa thing for me to do.

He woke up in his room, alone. Squinting at his alarm clock he saw he’d only been out for about 2 hours. Or else 26 hours, depending. On stumbling down the stairs, he found people still in their suits, so he decided it was most likely the former.

Isoagi was in the classroom, trying to sooth Kayano. When he saw Karma, he leapt up and gripped his shoulders tight.

“Are you ok?” He murmured. “Would you need to call someone? Your parents?”

“Fuck off.” He mumbled, pulling away. What would his parents do? He’d be lucky if they even picked up. Sugino suddenly wrapped him in a hug, an action so horrifying Karma instinctively punched him in the gut. He crumpled to the floor, squawking. Isogai gasped and helped him up.

“Sit down.” He commanded firmly. “Let’s let Karma compose himself.”

Karma wanted to hit him too. They stared at him with something terribly like pity. He tensed, ready to crush Isogai’s sad little face to a bloody pulp. But then he deflated. Crumpled, just like Sugino. He sat down heavily in his chair and buried his head in his hands. What was the point? It wouldn’t bring Nagisa back.

Nothing would.

Chapter Text

Nagisa woke up to a terrible pounding in his head. He presses it against the soft pillow to try and knock himself out again. Maybe if he tried hard enough, he could smother himself? He felt firm fingers press against his chin and forcibly tilt it until he could breathe.

“If you die I will be severely disappointed.” Karasuma’s voice was calm and business-like.

Why was Karasuma in his room? He squinted at him through the blurring in his head. And then he remembered. His father’s visit, his message, his mother’s message.

He put his head down and went limp. Maybe if he tried hard enough, he could simply disappear.

He spent the next few days in a drowsy blur. Karasuma led him around like a little dog. He didn’t mind. It let him shut down. Drift. Nothing could touch him in his safe little bubble. Occasionally something tried. His meeting with the principle sent cold fingers digging through his walls, prying into his brain.

“Tell me about your father…”

He shoved down the feeling as soon as he stepped out of his office.

Karasuma slept in Karma’s bed. It was nice watching him sleep. Oddly, he seemed older while unconscious. A happy old man. He didn’t sleep, but the hours seemed shorter as he watched Karasuma’s chest rise and fall. He knew he’d wake up in a moment’s notice if Nagisa needed him.

He tried really hard not to need him.

It was two weeks before something was interesting enough to force its way through his safe little bubble. He heard the most awkward love confession of his life between Chiba and Hayami. And that includes his own confession. Still, after much stuttering and accidental tangents about clouds and frogs, Chiba and Hayami were officially going to the dance together. Cute. (He heard because he was sitting on the floor near them at the time, but they didn’t notice.)

Would Karma ask him to the dance?

That night he waited until Karasuma fell asleep before letting his imagination run wild. What would it be like? Having a date to a dance. Like a normal person. Like he was the same as everyone else. Would Karma dance with him? He pressed his burning face deeper against his pillow. Imagined Karma’s strong arms holding him tight as they twirled around the hall.

But even if Karma was his date, they would never do that. Not after what Gakushuu did. It was too dangerous. They could come for them, while they were distracted. No one would stop them, not even the principle. No, he’d be salivating at the thought of Nagisa telling him afterwards. He clutched his pillow tighter, gnawing at one corner. What if Gakushuu had the lighter? What if no one stopped him this time? What if it wasn’t just one burn, but ten, twenty, a hundred? What if he did it to his face? Even she never touched his face. Even Karma wouldn’t like him if he was completely ruined. Maybe even Kayano would turn away in disgust. No. It would be better not to go. He should just stay here, nice and safe. Nothing bad would happen here.

The following morning, he heard Isogai and Maehara discussing how to break the news about the dance to him. They didn’t know he had heard, mostly because he was lying on the floor of the ceiling above them, listing trough a crack in the floorboards. Karasuma watched him with amused indifference. Isogai seemed scared he’d seriously hurt him at the news, which he wouldn’t. Almost definitely. He should just ask. Then Nagisa could turn him down and things would be sorted.

Four days later he noticed something weird about Karasuma. He kept glancing at him while grading papers. He pointedly ignored him and focused on arranging the creases in his duvet into strange patterns.

 Eventually Karasuma gave him an amused little smile.

“Did you notice all the confessions lately? A lot of earnest declarations going about. Are you feeling anything in particular? Any romantic notions? Any thoughts of a night out?”

He tossed his curls, making it clear just how stupid the question was. Nothing would convince him to be so bold about his emotions, not on the main campus. And he certainly wouldn’t be going. No one could convince him of that.

He tensed as a familiar set of footsteps came down the hall. Karasuma raised his eyebrows at him and gathered his things. Nagisa should have strangled him. Traitor. Instead, he pretended indifference and stared at the wall.

Meer moments later Karma and Nagisa were alone together.

“Hi.”

Nagisa felt his heartbeat quicken. He squashed it down and tried to combat the feeling with polite small talk.

“Isogai sent you to tell me about the party. He’s worried the stress of human interaction will send me into a violent spiral and lead to serious bodily harm. He’s also concerned I will suffer severe mental trauma. Despite all this he wants me to go.”

“I don’t know why anyone bothers trying to tell you anything.”

Nagisa flopped onto his side and buried his head in his pillow. Karma sat beside him.

“I’m not going.” Nagisa mumbled into his pillow. “I won’t.”

“But think of all the people.”

He gave him a look. He must have realised that was primarily the reason he didn’t want to go? Or had a head injury rendered him stupid? He wouldn’t like to kiss an idiot.

“Hear me out. Aren’t you bored of phsyco analysing all of us? Just think of the main campus as… fresh meat. And if you only analyse them and stay calm, Karasuma will let me move back in with you.”

Nagisa tipped his head, considering him. That was an appetizing offer. He missed watching him sleep. Among other things.

“Plus…” he leans close enough to whisper directly into Nagisa’s ear. “Don’t you want to see me in a suit? Don’t you want to see me taking off the suit?”

 Nagisa was mortified at the full body shudder the sentence gave him. His voice. How had he done that? He’d pitched it ever so slightly deeper, the sound of it making him feel weak. He was thankful he hadn’t been standing up. Something like that could have sent him to his knees.

 “I hate you.”

Karma kissed his back of his neck and he shuddered again. How was it possible a human being could do this to him? Was it so awful he wanted him to do it again? And again? And…

 Karma got up and moved back to the door. He paused just before stepping out.

“By the way. I can’t wait to see you in a suit too.”

Nagisa was grateful Karasuma waited a few minutes before coming back in. Having him watch Nagisa fantasize about pealing Karma’s suit off would have been too embarrassing for words.

He couldn’t wait until the dance was over.

The night of the dance Nagisa allowed Kayano to do his hair. To prevent him from panicking each time he felt hands on his head Kayano was forced to feed him jelly babies. Though, considering she ate a good portion herself, he guessed she wasn’t too put out. The worst part of the experience was the entire bottle of spray in conditioner she needed to deal with the tangles.

He did not like brushing his hair.

Karasuma bought him a suit for the occasion. It fit and had pants, which pretty much covered his criteria for an outfit.

He sat in his room to keep out of the way of the preparation chaos downstairs. Everything was peaceful, until Karma came.

Karma in a suit. How could he feel like this just because Karma was in a suit? It was just an outfit. He didn’t even care about cloths! And yet…

“Nagisa moved faster than should be possible, latching his arms around Karma’s neck.

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

Nagisa pressed his lips to Karma’s pulse. So softly.

“I’d like to bite you.” He murmurs, lips brushing against his skin. Karma tastes sweet, like strawberry hard candy.

“But I won’t.” he pulls back. “No more marks. Too dangerous.” He cracks a smile, which Karma doesn’t return. His heart thuds heavily in his chest. They head downstairs in silence.

Nagisa and Kayano follow Karasuma down the mountain and into the school. They’ll stay with him throughout the dinner. He can smell cake, which almost tempts him. He’d give most of his dessert to Kayano of course, but he might actually eat some himself for once…

The principle was waiting by the neatly set table. Beside him Kayano bares her teeth.

“Shiota, a moment?”

He faltered for a second, moving closer to Kayano who clutched his arm. Karasuma gently pried her off. He met the principles gleeful gaze with a hard expression on his face. “I’ll be here when you get back.”

Nagisa followed the principle to his office.

“I’ve heard excellent things about your behaviour lately.” He said, almost conversationally. “I’ve noticed a good improvement myself. So, I have decided you deserve a little… reward. Of sorts.”

A reward? What could he possibly be giving him? Sweets? A new copybook?

“My darling!”

All the air in his body rushed out leaving a burning pain behind. Vomit surged in his throat as his eyes blurred. His pulse pounded in his ears, fast and cruel as gunshots.

No.

No.

No.

“I’ve missed you so much my baby.”

She smiles at him from the couch. The principles couch where he tells all his stories. He knows, the principle knows what he’s doing to him. He stares at him, feeling like a deer looking at the hunter’s knife.

The principal smiles and it’s all teeth. Beside his mother is Gakushuu. He looks like he’s been crying.

He opens his mouth to scream but only the slightest moan creeps out. The principals smile widens, mouth open. His red tongue runs over his teeth. Then his vision goes black as he’s wrapped in his mother’s arms. She presses his face to her chest, and he’s filled with the smell of her. Warm and clean, and deep down, the smell of burning skin.

She pulls away a little and takes hold of his chin.

“Well? Did you miss me? I missed you, dreadfully. I was so hurt when that policeman called me. What were you doing, burning down that store? You were always so scared of fire.”

Her free hand holds his burned one tight, sharp nails digging into the dry ruined skin. He doesn’t flinch. Weakness means death. Which might actually be better than this. Why can’t he scream? Maybe if he screamed Karasuma would come? Maybe if he screamed, she’d kill him? Maybe the principle would enjoy that.

Tears prick at his eyes but he doesn’t let them fall. He knows what he needs to do. It’s easy. He’s used to it, though it’s been a while.

“Yes mother.” He whispered, throat dry and raspy. “I missed you to.”

Her mouth opens in a smile so wide she could eat him whole. How could he be so stupid? How could he not know she’d get him back? Did he think he was safe? She owned him. He’d never be safe. Never never never…

“I knew you did my love. But don’t you worry. You’re coming home! Now you’re all mine.”

Somewhere behind him the principle is laughing.

Nagisa should have fought. He should have kicked and screamed and bit until she let go and he could flee back to the safety of Karasuma. Instead, he let himself be led like a whipped dog to the car. He strapped himself into the passenger seat. He tried to look out the window at the school but she seized his chin and twisted his face till he looked forward.

“No need to think of that place now.” She sniffed. “Not for two weeks. Aren’t you excited?”

“Two weeks?” he whispered. “I’m going back?”

“Obviously. You burned down a fucking building Nagisa, you can’t just waltz away from that.”

From the corner of his eye he sees her grip tighten on the steering wheel. He didn’t dare turn his head all the way.

“I’m sorry.” He murmurs. He pitches his voice up so he sounds younger. Sweeter. “It’s just… I’ve missed you so much. I want to stay with you for as long as I can?”  He can’t help the way his voice pitches up like a question. He holds his breath until her grip on the wheel loosens.

“Oh baby!” she croons. “Such a good liar. I almost believed you.” One hand lets go and snakes it’s way into his hair. Her hold tightens and he feels the pop of hairs being pulled right out. “You were delighted to get away from me, weren’t you?”

“No mother.” His voice cracks. He feels like a child again, a tiny child begging to be forgiven.

“You’ve run wild in that school, with those delinquents. Don’t you worry, I’ll train you up. I’ll fix all the things you’ve ruined. When I’m done with you, you’ll never, ever step out of line again. And you’ll thank me for it. Won’t you darling?” She twists her wrist so he’s forced to tip his head right back. His throat is dreadfully exposed. She lets out a high-pitched giggle, eyes still on the road.

“You’ll have to thank me. I’m the only one who bothers to care. You else could ever love you?”

He laughs along with her as the tears roll down his face.

The apartment is just like he remembers. The air inside is icy, sending harsh shivers down his back. She puts a hand on his shoulder to guide him in. As if he would run away. Once they are inside, she steers him directly to her room. For some odd reason this is when he registers the fact he doesn’t have any bags. They didn’t even let him bring anything from school. Though, to be fair, he didn’t own much.

They stopped in front of her mirror.

“I can’t believe what you’re wearing!” She mutters. He looks down at himself, registering the suit. Arguably one of the worst things he could be wearing.

She reaches up to his hair and lets it down, dragging her fingers through it. She strokes her hands over his shoulders, sides, before wrapping her arms around his waist.

“You’ve gotten thinner!” she says, delighted. “Oh Nagisa, you haven’t completely let yourself go! I do love you!” she nuzzles into his hair and he closes his eyes tight. This was ok. All he had to do was be really really good and she’d be like this. It was only two weeks, right? 336 hours. And she went to work. That’s 80 hours gone already. And they needed to sleep. Well, she did.

They could do this.

She pushes him down onto the bed and bustles over to the closet. The way she shoves cloths around is almost violent. She pulled out a soft cream dress and held it up.

“Perfect.”

Once he had the dress on, she sat him down to brush his hair. This was a long process. She adored brushing his hair. He tried to smile, but it was hard when she brushed so hard blood welled up behind his ears.

“Nagisa…” she said after a moment. “What was it like? That school?”

He swallowed, avoiding her gaze in the mirror. “It was fine. A little lonely. I missed you.”

“You sound like a broken record. I missed you mummy.” He gritted his teeth.

“I suppose you were alone all the time? You were always terrible at the basics of human interaction. Did anyone even talk to you?”

“Yes.” he muttered. “People talked to me.”

“Really?” her eyes glitter. “And you allowed it? You talked to the delinquents? Oh how could you? Are you stupid? Do you want to turn into a criminal?” She yanked his hair so his head tipped right back. She pressed two fingers against his tight throat, right on Gakashuu’s burn, making him gag. He couldn’t breathe. If he could breathe then he could think of an answer, he could fix this…

“What’s this then? Who gave you this? I know it wasn't me. Did you show people Nagisa? Did you show yourself off? All those awful things you did? You know, you’d be so terrible in prison.” She murmured sweetly. Her fingers pressed down harsher, and he chocked. “Do you want that? Or do you just want to stay away from me.”

Her face changed in-between two heart beats.

Not yet. Please not yet, I just got here.

She started walking, still clutching his hair. He stumbled after her, having to climb over the chair to save his neck.

“I’m really really sorry, I am, I swear I am, please please please…”

“Shut up.”

She dragged him to the table, the table that meant…

“No! You can’t, I didn’t do anything wrong, I swear, please, you can’t!”

She could. And she did. She tied his hands tight and pulled off the shirt that Karasuma bought him, the one Karma liked so much.

Karma.

Did he miss him? Was he sad? Or was he glad to be rid of him? No! he mustn’t think like that, he had to think of good things, nice things or else all he’d feel is…

She starts at his shoulder. He faints before she stops.

His bed at home is softer than his one at school. He’d never realised before. How sweet and cold his sheets are against his raw pink skin. He lies awake at night, breathing in and out, luxuriating in the feeling. In the almost absence of feeling. But then they get stained with blood or sweat or ugly smears of flaked off skin. So, he must wash them. He has time. He has nothing but time.

He puts them in the machine and leans against it. The soft warm rumbling sooths him. He almost sleeps.

She comes home to find him, flopping against the machine. He’s always done this. But now it’s a crime. Now it’s worthy of punishment.

He’s been home for 81 hours when she locks him in the closet. Just while she’s at work. It’s dark in there. It’s too small, he can’t stretch out. A part of him is always pressed against a hard wall. At first it’s not too bad, it’s cold. But as the hours click by the small space heats up. The rough carpet scrapes against his raw skin. Maybe he bleeds. He’s so tired.

Sometimes when she takes him out, she makes him clean. The blood turns the grey carpet black. So he scrubs. Bleach. No gloves. It’s his mess so he doesn’t deserve gloves. It peals his skin open, so he bleeds more. Hour’s pass. His body hurts.

Nagisa doesn’t think he is here. He’s somewhere else. Maybe nowhere.

One day she let’s him out and his father is standing there. He stares down at him stupidly, mouth a little polite grimace.

“Hi Nagisa. How’s it going?”

Nagisa’s not wearing a shirt. His back feels all sticky. There’s blood drying around his mouth.

“Fine.”

They eat dinner together. Mother dresses him in a green taffeta monstrosity. She washes his hair in the kitchen sink while his father stirs something on the stove. She’s being so gentle. He smiles at them, thanks them for the food. He’s been here for 135 hours. He can do this.

He eats too much. That’s his fault. He shouldn’t have been greedy, gluttonous, disgusting. She holds him down and pours salt water down his throat till he vomits onto the kitchen floor. His father crouches on a chair to avoid the mess. Later, while he’s scrubbing the floor his father kneels beside him. His mother is watching television in the lounge.

“Are you really ok?” he whispers. He presses a hand to his arm. They both flinch. They Do Not touch each other. Nagisa shakes his head slightly. 137 hours.

“I’m leaving. Do you want anything? A present for next time? I missed your birthday, right? Maybe a book? A toy?”

Nagisa doesn’t answer him. What he’d really like is a gun. Or a knife. Or a really high surface he could throw himself off. But somehow, he doesn’t think his father would get him something so useful.

He leans wrong and his cuff snags on a freshly damaged twist of skin. They both watch a trickle of yellowish smush trickle down his wrist. It lands on his clean floor with a dull plop.

Something is pressed into his hand. His father doesn’t meet his eye. “I thought, maybe… just to help a little.”

He stands and hurries off, calling out a goodbye as he goes.

A bottle of painkillers. The cheap, off-brand type that can knock you out for hours if you take more than two.

He swallows one quick. Maybe his father isn’t so useless after all.

He knows the pills work when she burns him and he feels cold.

So he takes more.

She has such wonderful presents for him. She never stopped buying them while he was away. He smiles and preens as she wraps him in dress after dress. His hair is always down, he doesn’t dare touch it. That’s her job. She washes it for him. Sweet fruit candy smelling conditioner. His mouth waters and he pictures Karma’s soft skin. Then he vomits while she holds his hair and strokes his back.

It’s ok darling I’m here I’m here I’m here

When she leaves he swallows another pill.

He’s thirsty. He’d like to drink something but he can’t get out. He presses his face against the closet door. When was mother coming home? Mother mother where are you? Here I am here I am how do you do? He laughs. Presses his head against the door harder. Till he feels the pressure. He leans back and then closer. Back and forth back and forth against the door until something crack. He thinks it might be his head. When the door opens and she stars yelling he learns it was the door. He can’t care too much. Later he vomits until he’s choking on bile.

Later he swallows another pill.

Isn’t it so pretty darling? You love it don’t you?

Yes yes yes yes

He swallows another pill.

The closet feels much bigger now. A drifting dark space. Infinity. Eternity. His hands and feet press against the walls, but it doesn’t register. Not really. He’s lost all feeling in his edges. Hands. Feet. Elbows. Knees. He giggles, softly in the quiet. Heads shoulder knees and toes knees and toes

“Are you listing to me?”

Yes mother.

“Well? Say something?”

Didn’t he? Why couldn’t he answer. He opened his mouth, tongue twisting like a pink slug. He might have said something. Or maybe not. She grabs his hair and slams his head down, over and over until the world is a beautiful mosaic of black and red dots.

It hurt though. So he took another pill. And then another. And then

What are you doing? Why aren’t you crying?

So whiney. Isn’t she ever happy? He buries his face in his arms. His wrists twinge as the belt rubs them raw. His unburned hand looks almost as messed up as his burned one. He’s going to be sick.

“m-soy-ry” he mumbles, trying to clear his head. Maybe he took too much? How many hours had it been?

“What is wrong with you?” she slaps his face and he feels that. Strange.

 He should take more.

Chapter Text

Nagisa opened his eyes to one of the worst stomachache he’d ever felt. Had he been asleep?

 He slumped forward and realised no; he’d just fainted. His mother knelt in front of him, stroking his face gently, an irritated expression on her face.

“Must you always be so dramatic? I barely touched you!”

“Hurts.” He mumbled, trying to curl up. “Gonna-“  with that he vomited onto the kitchen floor.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck please don’t have let it touch her, please I can’t have thrown up on her please let her have been far enough away oh my god please please please

“Nagisa!” she didn’t sound angry, she sounded…

He opened his eyes to look at the mess he’d made. The strange, so dark it was almost black stain seeping along the tiles. He glanced up a little to see disgusting clumpy blood seeping into his mother’s skirt.

He felt his face crumple.

“I’m really really sorry, am I dying? I don’t, I don’t want to I really didn’t mean it, please don’t be mad at me, please, I just,”

“Shut up.” She said quietly. He closed his mouth with a snap. She touched the puddle with the tips of her fingers, a horrified expression on her face.

“Did  I… how? Have you done something?”

“Just, just some medicine? Am I dying?”

She shoved her hands in his pocket and pulled out the almost empty bottle.

“You idiot Nagisa, how many did you take?”

“I don’t remember. I just wanted it to stop, just a little bit.” He gagged again, something hot trickling down his chin.

“These things mess your stomach up! Where did you get them? Are your stupid delinquent friends drug dealers? Is that what this is?” She grabbed his hair and yanked him close, nose scrunched up in disgust.

“No, I swear! I got them, dad got them for me. As a present.”

She stared at him incredulously. And then, horrifyingly, she started to laugh. She laughed so much she had to clutch the table to stay sitting upright.

“He actually took some initiative. I didn’t know he had it in him.” She wiped tears from her eyes and got up. He looked on as she dumped the bottle in the bin. His stomach sank, and then spasmed painfully. She picked up a cloth, wet it, and crouched in front of him again.

“Let’s get you cleaned up.”

He was so relived he couldn’t help the stupid smile spreading across his face. It made her laugh all over again.

Once he was clean and changed into pyjamas, she tucked him into bed. She laid a towel out under him in case he threw up again.

“Poor baby, you haven’t a bit of sense, do you?” she purred. “This is why you need me, hmm? What would you do if I wasn’t here?” He clutched her hand as she used the other to trace the dark circles under his eyes.

“You seem exhausted darling. Why don’t you sleep for a little bit? Would you like that?”

He nodded. He so badly wanted to sleep. If only for a few minutes. Anything to take away the awful pain in his stomach, and his arms, his chest and everywhere else. But he didn’t. He lay still, eyes shut as she drew countless little patterns over his closed eyelids.

Eventually she left.

Eventually she came back.

It’s bright outside, morning. But she’s not going to work. It must be a weekend. He tries to line up the days in his head. Is he going back to school soon? Should he be back already? Maybe they forgot about him. Maybe she would keep him forever.

Karma had probably gotten over him already. He was probably friends with Kayano now, without him. He hoped they were happy.

But what day is it?

She pulls him to her room and brushes his hair. It’s hard to stay still. His head pounds. Now he’s coming out of his safe, drug induced numbness he’s aware of how messed up his body has become. Aside the obvious problems, he’s messed his back up from lying in the small closet. He hasn’t eaten in ages, and he usually throws up what he has. He’s pretty sure there’s something wrong with his left eye, it keeps twitching.

He’s ruined.

No. He has to think of something happy. Something good. Warm. Sweet.

Karma.

He smiles, just a little, thinking back to the last time they’d touched. Wrapping his arms around Karma’s neck, pressing against his throat. He thinks back further. Making Karma writhe, moan. So sweet, that boiled sugar smell. He was so eatable.

Then he thought of Kayano. He imagined it was her brushing his hair, feeding him jellies. He remembered lying on the grass with her, staring at the sun. Such a perfect place. He’d go back there, he would, all he had to do was…

He flinched when she tugged his hair hard.

“What are you smiling about? You’re not on anymore pills, are you? Cause if you’re hiding any more, I swear to God I’ll kill you. You’re ruining the body I gave you, did you ever think of that?” Her nails dug into his scalp.

“Are you hiding something Nagisa?” Her mouth shifted into a cruel little smile. He shook his head, as much as he could while she still held his hair.

She frowned. “I think you’re lying.”

His heart dropped. His stomach twinged with pain. For a moment he felt the very real fear he may vomit again. But he didn’t beg. It never did anything.

“Tell me about the people you met. What are they like? Dreadful? Stupid? Idiotic?”

He shakes his head hard. He knows it’s stupid, he knows it will make things worse. Make it hurt. But Kayano brushes his hair without making him panic. Isogai is always kind. Karasuma helps and helps and wants nothing in return. And Karma, Karma makes him feel like he deserves all the good things the world can offer. He knows his mother will hurt him, but to lie about them will hurt worse. So.

“They are my friends.”

The room is very very quiet.

She clears her throat.

“Nagisa. Do you… like it there? Do you want to go back?”

He clamps his mouth shut. He might start screaming. Even worse, he might agree.

“I see.” She set her hands on his shoulders, fingers curled into angry claws. “I think you’ve damaged something. Something deep inside you.” She stroked a single finger down his cheek, so so lightly. “I think there is something really wrong with you. I’ve been blinded to it. I’ve been giving you the benefit of the doubt. But everyone else must know. Deep down, you are broken.”

I know, he mouths. He can’t force the words out. It hurts, it hurts because she is right. About everything. His class walk on tiptoe around him, forced to adapt to his tantrums and ridiculous boundaries. Katano must forgive and forgive and forgive each time he takes her for granted. She’s so kind she never even says a word. Karma, poor Karma, the things he’s done to him. And Karasuma. Long suffering Karasuma.

Tears drip down his cheeks.

“I wonder…” she says, leaning close to his ear. “if I could fix you? Would you like me to try?”

To agree is suicide. To go on as he is would be worse. He thinks he nods.

“Then let’s begin, shall we? Go to the kitchen.”

Nagisa sat at the table, staring at the things in front of him. On the left, beside his burned hand is a bowl of ice. On the right is his mother. Right in front of him is a mirror. He refuses to meet his reflections eyes.

“Look at yourself.” She says. “You need to take this seriously. We need to remind you of who you are.”

He nods, dragging his gaze up to see himself. She reaches into her pocket and pulls out her lighter. She presses it to his skin, and he flinches. But she doesn’t turn it on.

“You regret burning down the shop. You will never do something like that again. Say it.”

He repeats it in a monotone.

“You hate the school you’ve been sent to. You can’t wait to live with me. Permanently.”

He repeats it. He stutters, but she assumes it’s fear.

“You hate the people there. The students and the teachers. They are criminals, idiots. Scum of the earth.”

He opens his mouth. His reflection looks idiotic. Mouth wide and eyes glassy.

“Say it.”

“I don’t” she flicks the lighter on and holds it against him. He wails and she turns it off.

“Say it.”

He shakes his head and she turns it on again. This time she keeps it pressed against his arm until he’s sure it’s burning right to the bone.

“Say it.”

He claws at her hands and she lets go, just long enough to slap him so hard his head is knocked against the table. Then she burns him again, on the inside of this elbow.

“Say it.”

He does, eventually. They both knew he would. He says everything.

I hate them. I hate the school. I deserve what’s happing. I am disgusting. I am ruined. I am hideous. I deserve this. I hate them. I hate the school. I hate myself. I deserve what’s happing. I am disgusting. I am ruined. I am hideous. I deserve this. I hate them. I hate the school. I hate myself. I deserve what’s happing. I am disgusting. I am ruined. I am hideous. I deserve this my friends, they were my friends I hate them. I hate the school. I deserve what’s happing. I am disgusting. I am ruined. I am hideous. I deserve this my teacher, he’s good I swear he’s good I hate them. I hate the school. I deserve what’s happing. I am disgusting. I am ruined. I am hideous. I deserve this please, please stop I don’t understand, I said it why won’t you stop, why won’t you ever I hate them. I hate the school. I deserve what’s happing. I am disgusting. I am ruined. I am hideous. I deserve this please, please stop I can’t do this I need you I loved you why did you make me like this why did you I hate them. I hate the school. I deserve what’s happing. I am disgusting. I am ruined. I am hideous. I deserve this I hate them. I hate the school. I deserve what’s happing. I am disgusting. I am ruined. I am hideous. I deserve this I tried so hard you know I did for years and years I tried but you never ever just

His feet are bleeding. He looks down at them, vaguely confused. When had that happened? He was so tired. The door in front of him opened.

He stared up, shocked, into Karasuma’s face.

“What are you doing here?” They said at the same time. Nagisa giggled. Jinx! Karasuma grabbed his arms, crouching so he could look at him properly.

“What happened? How did you get here?”

He felt his face crumple. “I’m sorry. I’ll go away, I know I’m really,” disgusting, ruined, hideous, “really sorry.” He leaned away, waiting for Karasuma to let go. But he didn’t. Instead, he was crushed against Karasuma’s chest. It was so warm, and he was so so cold. How hadn’t he noticed? Then he was lifted up, clutched against that warmth.

He was carried, ever so gently into a car. The smooth rocking motion makes him sleepy. Then he was somewhere else, somewhere loud and bright. He reached up to cover his eyes. Hands pulled them down, lifting him roughly onto something hard. Sharp things pressed into his skin and everyone was yelling. He screams, lashing out at the blurry figures around him. They hold him own, more voices, all so angry. He’s sorry, he shouldn’t have come, he should have stayed, he should have…

When Nagisa opens his eye’s he is in a bed. He stretches slightly, wincing at the rotten feeling all over him. His limbs are uncomfortably heavy and his throat is dry, but he doesn’t mind. He’s slept better than he has in years.

He sits up, blinking hard. For some reason one half of his face feels odd, lopsided.

“I thought you’d never wake up.” Karasuma sits beside his bed, leafing through a magazine. He looks tired and his hair hasn’t been brushed in quite a while. But still he smiles.

Nagisa looks around what is obviously a hospital room. Then he looks at himself. He’s dressed in a short blue hospital gown. His arms are wrapped completely in thick white gauze. His legs, under the thin sheet, are similarly swaddled.

This was not ideal.

“Would you like to tell me how you walked more than 18 miles in your bare feet? Or why you’re spotted like a dalmatian?”

He shrugs, picking at the wrappings on his left hand. And then he registers why his face feels so weird. He clambers out of bed, stumbling to a small curtain that separates his room from a small bathroom.

Karasuma lunges for him, but there’s a bed in the way and Nagisa is fast when he needs to be.

In the bathroom he stares at himself in the mirror. The left side of his face is covered in a thick plaster. He pulls it off and screams.

Its’s destroyed. Four, five, six oozing, charred circles eating up his cheek, two on his temple, one pressed exactly below his bottom eyelid.   

There is no hiding this.

Karasuma grabs him and holds him tight as he screams and screams and

Chapter Text

Karma Akabane was dead. Karma Akabane was in hell. Karma Akabane was desolate. Karma Akabane was

soaking wet. He shrieked, wrenching the wet blankets off his head.

“Get up!” demanded Kayano, wielding a bucket. “Karasuma says you have to get out of bed, or he’ll give you a buzzcut!”

“Fuck off!” He tried to pull the covers back over his head, and nearly waterboarded himself.

“Up up up!” said Kayano. She punctuated each ‘up’ with a violent whack of the bucket on Karma’s legs.

“Fuck off Kayano.” He snarled, leaping up. She sprinted down the stairs, him in hot pursuit. Their chase ended in the dining hall where Isogai and Maehara tackled him. He was manhandled onto a chair and presented with a healthy bowl of oatmeal.

“You are going to sit there until you eat it.” Said Isogai firmly. “Nagisa wouldn’t want you to starve to death.”

Terasaka tossed a spoon at him and grinned. “He’s right! Plus, if you don’t eat, you’ll lose all your muscles. What if Nagisa comes back and you look like a string bean? He’d never want to hit that!”

Karma flipped the table.

“I was trying to be supportive! You told me to be encouraging!” whined Terasaka as he was led from the room. Karma would have punched him for that comment if he didn’t have three people sitting on him.

Isogai was muttering to himself from his perch on Karma’s shoulder. “Maybe we should get him a punching bag?”

Karma dragged himself through the twelve days Nagisa was gone. He and Kayano listlessly wandered around. They didn’t have much to say to each other. Every so often they’d find moments of genuine fun. Terasaka would make a fool of himself, or Maehara would drive Isogai crazy, and they’d laugh. But then they’d turn to see Nagisa’s reaction and the whole thing would be spoiled.

Karma stared at Nagisa’s empty bed at night. Eventually, as the nights wore on, a combination of the dark and exhaustion made his vision fuzzy enough to almost see a small body curled up under the sheets…

When he woke up he was always alone.

Until one day Karasuma disappeared. A surly stand in turned up from the main campus to supervise. Read: ignore them and call his clearly miserable wife. It was two days of this depressing company before Karasuma came back with an explanation.

He gathered everyone in the classroom.

“This may be difficult for some of you to hear. I had to leave, very suddenly, night before last. The fact is, Nagisa unexpectedly arrived at the door. I found it… prudent… to take him to hospital.”

The words pierced Karma’s brain like a dozen burning needles. Nagisa was here. So close, and yet Karasuma waited until now to tell them? Even worse, Nagisa was hurt, enough for a hospital? Nagisa, who had walked away from not one, but two attacks from the principles precious son? Who could throw Terasaka across the room? He was so destroyed he needed a hospital?

Terrible images swarmed through his mind. All this, the worry, the pain, the loneliness, all because Nagisa was forced to go home? All because Karma couldn’t save him. Because Karasuma let him be taken.

His body was moving before he consciously decided what to do. He flung himself across the room until he was close enough to punch Karasuma square in the face. Nagisa was hurt, because of him, him, him him him him him him him

He hit again and again and again. After the first strike Karasuma started to block him, hard. He didn’t care. Flesh was flesh and he hit whatever he could reach. Who cared if hitting Karasuma’s solid forearm ripped the already damaged skin on his knuckles? Who cared that crimson blood was trickling down his clenched fists? Who cared that he wasn’t hitting anything, just struggling in Karasuma’s solid warm arms? Who cared he was held so tight and so carefully, as if he was a precious thing no one wanted to let go? He fought and fought until nothing made sense, until his body went limp and all he could do was shake.

“It’s ok.” A soft voice whispered in his ear. “Everything will be ok.”

Karma woke up on the couch in the teachers lounge. Karasuma was sitting at his desk, tutting over the substitute’s terrible paperwork.

His knuckles were wrapped in thick gauze. They stung as he flexed them.

“I’m sorry.” He muttered. It was so quiet he almost hoped expected Karasuma not to hear. Of course he did, the dreadful man. He always did.

“It’s alright. I’m not mad.” Karasuma ran his hand over his forehead.

“This is probably a terrible decision, but would you like to visit him?”

He was on his feet in an instant, already heading for the door.

“Wait!” He called in a voice even Karma couldn’t ignore. “Sit down. I need to talk to you first. It’s important you don’t interrupt.”

Karma obliged, barely. He perched right at the edge of the couch, ready to spring up the second he was allowed.

“Nagisa isn’t well right now, and I don’t think you are either. I need you to prepare yourself. He is severely hurt. When we arrive, you can’t get upset about how he looks. He needs calm right now, but I’m sure he also needs his friends. If you make him panic you will have to leave, do you understand? I will not argue with you at the hospital. Is this clear.”

“Yes.” he forces himself to hold still and give the answer as seriously as Karasuma wants it. And he does mean it. He wouldn’t upset Nagisa for the world. Anyway, how bad could it be?

He, Kayano and Isogai crammed into Karasuma’s car. They had to battle each other and many many piles of folders for breathing space. Kayano, the monster, used both her small frame and pointy elbows to get a relatively spacious portion of seat. Isogai used his class leader status and a pair of metal toed boots to claim the front seat. Karma would be jealous of this position, but Isogai’s sitting/being sat on by at least 3 umbrellas, two boxes, 18 folders and a bag of Nagisa’s clean cloths. Karma is forced to fold his long legs up to his chest in the back seat due to the numerous bulky items on the dirty car floor.

Karasuma is perfectly comfortable in the drivers seat.

“Clean your fucking car.” Karma mutters. “If we get pulled over I’m accusing you of child endangerment.”

Karasuma responds by pushing his seat back all the way. Karma discovers how his pretzels feel when he shoves them in his mouth.

The hospital was bigger than he’d anticipated. It’s long corridors smelt cloyingly sweet, like thousands of air fresheners combating bleach. They follow Karasuma down endless hallways, up stairs and through doors until he’s sure they will never get get to the room. But they do. And suddenly, he wishes they could keep walking forever.

Karasuma paused with one hand on the doorhandle.

“Remember. Not a word about his face.”

They nod and he opens the door.

At first Karma can’t tell why it was such a big deal. Nagisa was sitting up in bed with a little blanket wrapped around his shoulders. He faced away from them, staring out the window. The only unusual thing about the scene is his hair is down. Then he turns, the blanket slipping off his shoulders.

Isogai sucks in a harsh breath between his teeth and Kayano clings to his arm tight. Karma can’t close his eyes. They are glued to the destroyed husk on the bed.

Nagisa has always been thin, but now his bones stick out sharply under paper thin skin. Even the bones of his neck stand out, so achingly delicate. The skin itself is shallow and translucent, spotted all over in rough angry marks. The skin on his wrists is raw, deep cuts and rope burn circling them completely. The thin hospital pyjamas hang off him, showing the damage extends over his shoulders and down his chest. There’s a clear drip hooked up to his right elbow.

And his face. His face. Karma can’t bear to think about it. The destroyed skin. His eyes are red and vacant. The very worst part of it is the small hopeful smile on his lips.

Karma looks down, unable to keep watching.

Karasuma acts normal, probably because he’d already had the opportunity to gawk at him.

“I brought your pyjamas and homework. You have a lot to catch up on.”

He nods solemnly, holding out his arms for the bag. He roots through it, pulling out a soft cardigan and tries to put it on. He gets one arm through before his face contorts in pain. He slips it off again. Karasuma drapes it around him in place of the blanket.

Kayano rallies as best she can and sits on a plastic chair by his bed. “I missed you! It’s so boring when you’re not there. Guess what! Chiba and Hayami are dating! They really are! And, the other day…” It’s a valiant effort, though her voice is high and shaky. She fiddles with her cardigan until she pulls a whole mound of wool string from the cuffs.

Isogai awkwardly hovers nearby while she catches Nagisa up on school gossip. Every so often he throws in an extra comment or remark. Karma hangs back in the doorway, practically out in the hallway. He can’t bring himself to look at them. After an hour Karasuma begins to usher them out.

“Nagisa needs a rest, don’t you?” Nagisa didn’t argue, but then he was a bit too spaced out to do much of anything.

Karma can though.

“5 minutes? Please? I’ll meet you in the car, I swear I will.”

“Karma!” says Kayano, outraged. “This is not the time to ravish each other!”

Karma would have thrown her out the window, but Isogai laughed so hard Karasuma’s attention was filled by keeping him upright.

“We’ll wait in the hall. 5 minutes.” He called while dragging Isogai out. Karma could hear a nurse’s frantic questions through the door.

“Is the poor thing having a fit? I’ll call Dr Parlen, he’s an expert at hysterical seizures…”

Karma blocked this out and stood by the foot of Nagisa’s bed. He was so close. If he moved his hand at all he could rest it on Nagisa’s leg. He was much more solid up close. Real and warm and right within reach. Up close his wounds were much more detailed. Obviously irreparable.

Karma didn’t touch him. He couldn’t bear to hurt him, not when he was like this. It seemed like one wrong breath would tear him open.

Nagisa stared at his hands, idly picking at new scar tissue. “I heard you tried to kill Karasuma.”

“What happened to your face?”

They both gasp. Karma at his own audacity and Nagisa at the reminder. He brings up a hand to cover the damaged skin.

“It’s from, from my house. Cause I was acting so bad.”

“Come on Nagisa! You look like Freddy Kruger! There is literally nothing you could have done to cause this. Just tell me and I’ll, I’ll…”

“You’ll what? What can you possibly do?” There was a cruel twist in Nagisa’s voice. “You couldn’t fight Gakashuu, and you think you could fix this? Just take the easy road and leave. We both know you want to.”

“That’s not fair, you know it’s not. I could have helped, there were so many of them! It’s not my fault they tied me up! Anyway, now I’d be ready for them. I could take anyone! Just tell me, was it your mom?”

Nagisa’s flinch was the only answer he needed.

“It was! Tell me where she lives. I could kill her! Would you like that? Would you? You would, look at you! Of course you hate her! Come on, tell me, tell me where to find her, come on come on come on!”

He was on his feet, bouncing on his toes. He could tear the world down, he could take anyone, he could even strip the ruined flesh from Nagisa’s bones if he wanted to!

Nagisa ducked his head. That didn’t stop Karma from seeing the single shining tear drip down his cheek.

“Don’t bother.” He snapped. “It’s fine. I get it. You want to get back at her, but it won’t help. I’m sorry.” He brings his knees to his chest. “I’m sorry you have to find a new person now. I’ll move my stuff out of your room, I won’t look at you or anything. You can just forget about my face. It’s probably best anyway.”

“What are you talking about?”

“The fact you’ve stayed back to tell me you didn’t like me anymore? That I disgust you? That we can’t be friends or or anything again?” His voice rises into a desperate sob. “I’m not mad. I understand. I mean, look at me. Of course you feel this way.” He hugged himself as tight as he could without hurting something. It wasn’t very tight.

“That’s not why I’m here! I wanted to talk, I just wanted to tell you that… I’m here. If you need me.”

“Then why won’t you touch me.”

Nagisa’s voice disappeared into a terrible scream. His shoulder shook as dry sobs racked his frame. Despite this no more tears formed, leaving his angry, hatful, desperate eyes perfectly clear.

“Why did you stand so far away? Why wouldn’t you talk to me? Why won’t you just come closer? I knew it would be like this, that everyone would see what I’m like. But I’m so stupid, I thought she was wrong, I thought maybe it wouldn’t matter, the things I did, but it does it does it does it does it does!

The words rose back into a shriek as he clawed at his own face. Karma felt tears well up in his eyes as his he held out his hands in terrible approximations of claws, desperate but unsure how to help.

Two nurses ran in, Karasuma on their heels.

“No no no no no no!” he shrieked as they tried to grab his thrashing limbs. He fought so hard he managed to rip the needle right out of his arm. Blood stained the sheets and one nurse swore violently.

“I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you!” he screamed, a terrible howl from the bottom of his lungs. Karasuma reached out to touch his face and Nagisa sank his teeth deep into his wrist. Karasuma yelped, shaking him viciously until he let go. Blood dripped down Nagisa’s chin.

“It’s you fault you said I wouldn’t have to see her you said I could stay you promised you didn’t help you knew I know you knew you don’t like my anymore I can tell I can I can I don’t care cause I hate you I hate you I hate you!

“Get the propofol shot!” Yelled the swearing nurse. “And some belts!”

Karma fled.

Chapter Text

Nagisa peeled off his pyjamas inch by excruciating inch. The fabric stuck to the rough skin of his arms. Each small movement pulled on his stitches and sent pulses of pain along his bruises.

The extremely weak water pressure in the hospital shower was still too strong to stand under for more than a few minutes. Still, he desperately needed to wash his hair. The days in bed had left it greasy, hanging around his face in tangled clumps. Karasuma brought him cheap shampoo and conditioner on one of his daily visits. They were a far cry from the expensive products his mom always got him. She’d be so disgusted by the way he looked. She’d be so angry, she’d probably…

He shoved the thoughts down. They’d only make him upset and heavy breathing hurt too much in his current state.

Once his hair was as clean as he could get it without pulling a stitch, which wasn’t very clean, he came out of the shower and spent 15 minutes redressing. He kept his back to the mirror throughout the procedure. If he didn’t look then it wasn’t that bad. It really wasn’t. He carefully stuck a new plaster to his face. It basically rendered one of his eyes useless, but it was better than baring his skin to the unsuspecting public.

When he finally came out of the small bathroom, Karasuma had already arrived. He was holding Nagisa’s coat.

“Ready?”

Nagisa shrugged and accepted his help in putting on the coat. He couldn’t avoid people for ever. With his body more or less taken care of the hospital had discharged him. It was either go to school or some sort of juvenile detention centre. He couldn’t exactly go home. Not now.

In the car Karasuma had draped soft blankets over the passenger seat. He even moved the millions of folders from the leg area so Nagisa could sit comfortably. It’s a small miracle really. This might actually be an ok journey.

“The police will be talking to you.”

Never mind.

“Don’t need to the police.” He murmurs, hoping Karasuma will believe him. The snort Karasuma makes informs him to the contrary. But thankfully, he doesn’t follow up on it. He has a little longer to pretend things are normal. To pretend he didn’t do anything wrong.

When they arrive at school he’s met by a welcoming party. Kayano stands proudly with a comically large cake held precariously above her head. Around her are Isogai and Maehara, with Sugino skulking behind them. The rest of his class are subtly hanging around, obviously hoping for a slice of cake.

“Nagisa!” she shrieked, cake wobbling dangerously.

“Come cut your cake! I made it myself!”

After a slight nod from Karasuma, he followed her to the dining hall. There she dished out generous slices of cake to everyone. Its sweet and moist with the perfect icing to cake ratio. He eats as much as he can without vomiting, a smile carefully pasted on his face.

He tried to discreetly scan the crowd for one face in particular. Karma hated him now, which is fair. He wouldn’t try upset him or anything. He just wanted to check where he was. But he couldn’t see him anywhere.

Once he finished his cake and helped clean up Karasuma beckoned him over.  He seemed a little apprehensive.

“I’m going to need you to stay calm.”

Immediately Nagisa became not calm.

“So. You need to have a meeting with Principal Asano. He’s in the teachers’ lounge. Please, please do not hurt him or yourself. Can you promise?”

His stomach turned to ice. Asano would want to hear everything. He couldn’t say it. He couldn’t say what happened while he hung over him lapping up his emotions like a starving dog. And he couldn’t listen to more stories of fucking Ikeda over and over again.

Mechanically he turned and made his way towards the teachers’ lounge. For some reason there wasn’t a door, just the empty space in the wall. He paused at the corner, just out of sight.

He’s waiting. He can feel his delight through the wall. Swallowing, he steps inside.

Principle Asano is sitting on the sofa. He’s practically salivating. He can’t wait for this. Disgust ripples through him so suddenly he has to clutch his stomach.

“Hello Nagisa.” He grins wider. “Come sit with me.” He pats the cushion next to him. Nagisa obeyed, trying to keep as much space between them as possible. Asano leans in, showing all his white teeth.

He looks like a fool, thinks Nagisa with a flutter of rage. What does this man want? Stories? How could he sit there in his stupid little suit, with his stupid little smile. Did he have no life? So obsessed with his boring education theory. Obsessed with that Ikeda, some kid who was already dead while he neglected his own, very much alive child.

Nagisa felt his face curl up into a grizzly mimic of Asano’s. How had he been scared of this guy? He had nothing going for him. If you took away his school, he was just a bad parent with a weird suffering fetish.

Nagisa relaxed, leaning even further away from him.

“Tell me.” whispered Asano, tongue practically hanging out. “How was your trip? I suppose you missed home very much.”

Nagisa smiled wider. The scabs on his face puckered, a few cracking open. Something wet trickled out from under the bandage and dropped onto the collar of his shirt.

Asano recoiled slightly. “Aren’t you listening? Perhaps you want to be sent back?”

Nagisa laughed. That wasn’t a threat anymore. Not now.

Asano reached out and shook his shoulder before snatching his hand back like it burned. “Shiota? Talk to me.” 

He reached over to shake him again. Nagisa grabbed his wrist, squeezing it tight. Asano’s eyes widened. People were always surprised by how strong he was. Maybe because he looked like he couldn’t hurt a fly? But he could. He could hurt much more.  He dug his fingers into Asano’s arm, sliding his nails under the tender skin by his veins. It was warm, blood trickling down over his fingers.

“Stop.” Hissed Asano, jerking his arm away. Nagisa’s nails cut deeper as he did it. The blood dripped onto the sofa cushions, turning a musty brown.

“How dare you?” he demanded, clutching his arm. “There will be consequences for this.”

Nagisa shrugged, still smiling. “You don’t matter.” He whispered, leaning in. Their faces were so close Nagisa could see the veins standing out around Asano’s eyelids. “You can’t do anything. You haven’t got the spine. You’re just a tired old man who longs for the past. You couldn’t save your precious little Ikeda, and you can’t save your precious little son. No one likes you. Without me, no one talks to you. You’re all alone. So do your worst. Nothing you do can hurt me. Not now.”

Asano stood up abruptly. “You will not speak about me or my son like this.” His voice was hard, but his eyes were wild, flicking over him erratically.

He turned and swept from the room with as much dignity as he could muster.

Nagisa laughed, deep inside him. He pressed his hand over his mouth to contain it, but it spilt out, stronger and stronger until his entire body shook with pure glee.

Karasuma stuck his head in for a few seconds before electing to let him have his moment. He came back as Nagisa was gasping from lack of breath.

“Everything ok?” Asked Karasuma, sitting beside him.

“I think so.”

“Excellent. I need you to stop a homicide.”

Nagisa followed him back outside to the scene of the crime. Karma was laying into Terasaka and Okajima. Above them Yoshida was clinging to a tree branch, desperately trying to avoid the occasional rock Karma threw up at him.

“Shouldn’t you break them up?” asked Nagisa.

“I did. Three minutes ago. I tied him to that tree. “

He pointed at a broken piece of rope attached to the tree, and a similar one around Karma’s waist.

“So here’s the plan. I’m going to try get Karma upstairs to his room. I want you to join us and try get him to calm down. It’s been three days of constant fighting and he’s already broken down four different doors I’ve tried to keep him behind.”

Without waiting for Nagisa to answer Karasuma ran across the grass and tackled Karma. Okajama got knocked down to due to proximity. Everyone started yelling, not helped by the fact Yoshida lost his grip on the branch and dopped down on top of the pile.

Nagisa respectfully kept his distance as Karasuma extricated himself from the pile, dragging Karma behind him by his ankles.

Eventually he took hold of Karmas belt, and then his arm and lugged him towards the school.

Karma fought him all the way up to the bedroom. Nagisa hurried along behind at a safe distance. This room was also the room was missing a door. There were a few pieces of wood still clinging to the doorframe, but it was definitely more open then when he’d last been here. He supposed that was Karma’s fault.

Karasuma managed to get Karma into the room and onto the floor by his bed. He was originally planning to put him on the bed, but Karma gave a particularly impressive wiggle and ended up falling off.

“Listen.” Commanded Karasuma, looking like he had aged several years.

“Talk for 10 minutes. I’ll be in the hall, trying to regain my will to live. Don’t kill each other, scream if you are being killed. Everyone on the same page? Yes? Good!”

He swept back through the doorway.

Nagisa sat cross-legged on the floor across from him.

“Karasuma says to stop killing people.”

Karma glared at him, rubbing at his knuckles. The skin was ripped and red, little splinters were sticking out at odd angles. He definitely didn’t get like that from one fight.

“How will I make you stop? You’re just hurting yourself.”

“And others. I’m definitely hurting others.”

“True. But I haven’t been briefed about others. Only you. “

He picked at the bandage on his face. For once in his life he was glad his hair was long, so he could pull it down to hide as much as possible.

“I’ll stop if you show me.” Said Karma quickly.

“What?”

“I’ll stop hitting things if you show me your scars. All of them. “

Nagisa stared at him. What kind of deal was that? Why would Karma want to see more? What was already visible was so dreadful! So sicking, so terrible…

“Please?”  

Karma saying please was so unexpected Nagisa shut up. Karma was alert, kneeling straight, hands on his knees. He looked so… hopeful? Eager? Whatever it was it certainly wasn’t appropriate for the situation.

“What if someone sees? The door, you broke it?” It came out too much like a question.

“Karasuma’s guarding the hall. Please? You don’t have to it you don’t want to. “

Nagisa considered it. Would it be so bad? He looked back at Karma’s hands. His burns were definitely worse than that, but he was used to being scared. He didn’t want Karma to get worse. Especially if Karma was upset because of him.

“OK.” He whispered softly.

“Really? You don’t have to. “

Nagisa nodded. “You can see.”

He reached up to his face and pulled off all the coverings. Then he awkwardly tucked his hair back. Karma’s eyes ran over them.

He felt himself flush, which probably made his face look even worse.

Karma crawled closer, leaning until his face was only a few inches away. His breath travelled over the fresh wet mess and Nagisa felt tears well in his eyes. He closed his eyes tight to force them back.

“Why are you sad?” Asked Karma.

The question was so stupid he opened his eyes again.

“Because my face could trigger someone with tropophobia? Because I look like I’m rotting? Because I could be a zombie prop in The Walking Dead? Because my mom.” His voice hitched up at the end and wavered dangerously.

“Because my mom, she doesn’t. She wanted to. She did it.” He eventually forced out. “Because she looked at me and wanted to do this. She’s my mom, and I love her so so much and she’s supposed to look after me and she didn’t, she wanted to hurt me. She does! She just loves it so much. And I don’t understand why.”

He couldn’t stop the tears at this point. His chest heaved and ugly choking wails poured out of his mouth. He slammed is hand over it.

“Now no one will like me.” He whispered through his fingers. “She said, she said she only liked me for how pretty I was, everyone did. But now.” His voice cracked. “Now I’m nothing.”

Karma put his hands on Nagisa’s face, cupping his cheeks. The burns twinged under his touch, but he didn’t pull away. Karma brought Nagisa’s face up until they were eye to eye.

“I don’t care.” He said. “You could have your entire face ripped off and I’d still like the bones underneath. You could be totally shrivelled all over, or blue, or just a disembodied voice and I’d still like you. So would Kayano, you know that. Isogai’s too much of a goody two shoes to judge you for your looks and half the class are Neanderthal’s. They can’t exactly pass judgment. And you’re Karasuma’s favourite charity case, everyone knows that. Right?

Gently he forced Nagisa to nod his head.  

“So this really doesn’t matter. The only thing that’s changed is you happen to look a little bit like a rotten potato. I personally find that irrelevant.”

Nagisa laughed through his tears and batted his hands away.

“I was feeling so motivated until that last bit.”

Karma shrugged. “What can I say? I’m honest.”

Nagisa started laughing again. Before Karma could join him Karasuma popped his head through the doorway.

“Come on Nagisa. The police are here.

Chapter Text

Karma watched all the emotion fall from Nagisa’s face. What remained was perfect, composed. A dolls face.

“Ok.” He whispered, standing up. He went towards Karasuma like walking to a suicide jump.

“Can I come?” asked Karma. It was a desperate thing to say, but he was desperate. “I won’t interrupt. Please? I can be like… an emotional support human?”

Karasuma rubbed his temples, looking from Karma to Nagisa’s face and back.

“We can try.” He said finally. “I’ll tell the officers you will help him stay calm and answer questions. As long as you stay absolutely silent.”

“Cross my heart and hope to die.” He said. “Scouts honour.” Karasuma rolled his eyes and beckoned him to follow.

The policemen were in the teachers’ lounge, along with some guy in a suit. Karasuma introduced him as Nagisa’s social worker.

“Is the lack of a door like a safeguarding measure?” asked one. “We know there are some… criminal wards here.”

“This is Nagisa.” Answered Karasuma, ignoring their question. “And this is Karma. For the sake of saving time I would recommend allowing him to set in. “

The police argued for several minutes but did eventually give in. Partly because Karasuma and Nagisa both sat in silence staring at them until they agreed. Karma sat at Karasuma’s desk and tried to resemble something discrete, like a table lamp.

Nagisa looked very small, sitting across from three large men. His uniform was too big, and the uncovered burns seemed to take up most of his face.

“So.” Said a policeman, taking out his recorder. “Let’s begin. What circumstances led up to the incident?”

Nagisa began.

“I came to this school because I burned down a shop. I burned down the shop because I was trying to kill myself…”

Nagisa crouched in the corner, arms up to protect his head. His mother ran around his room, shrieking.

 “How could you?” she screamed, dumping everything out of his drawers and cupboards. “What have you got to live for beside me? What else do you have to do?”

“I’m sorry.” He pleaded, pressing himself against the wall. “I just wanted a break, I just wanted to go to sleep. I didn’t mean it.”

“What? You didn’t mean to say no to me?” She stopped making a mess for a few seconds to level the most disgust filled look he’d ever seen. “So when I asked you to wear the dress and you said no. When you walked away and came into this room. When you slammed the door on me. You didn’t mean it?”

“No?” he knew it was a stupid thing ton say. But he really didn’t mean to upset her. He was just so tired. All day people had been pushing him, picking and picking to make him blow up. When the boy sitting behind him had snipped a bit out of his hair, how could he not react? He’d thrown his chair at him. It was fair! He’d be killed if his hair was ruined! He knew she wouldn’t like him if he wasn’t pretty. She said it often enough!  But the teacher didn’t understand. He’d just sent him to the office where they yelled AND YELLED AND YELLED AND 

“Are you listening to me?” she grabbed him by the hair and dragged him away from the wall.

“I’m sorry, please don’t please don’t use the lighter I’m sorry don’t make it hurt I’ll wear it I will I will I will.”

She let go, shoving him down hard enough he smacked his head off the floor. He scrambled up into a crouch, ready to run if he needed to. Though there wasn’t any point. She’d always catch him.  

“Stop grovelling.” She snapped. “I don’t want you to wear the dress. You’ve ruined the fun of that. I want to tell me what you were going to do in here. Without me.”

“Nothing.” He insisted. “I mean, my homework? I was going to study?”

She rolled her eyes and went back to digging through the stuff she’d piled on the floor. With a small shriek of glee, she snatched something up. An old Sonic Ninja comic.

“This? Is this what you’re spending all your time on?”

He was too scared to answer.

“You don’t need this Nagisa. You just need me.” She started piling his cloths in the centre of his room.

“Wait here.” She demanded, heading to the kitchen. He stayed in his tense crouch, every nerve in his body screaming at him to run run run run run

She came back a few seconds later with the lighter and a bucket of water for some reason. He focused on the first thing, scrabbling back.

“It’s not for you.” She snapped. “Well, not like that.” She held it out.

He stared at it, not breathing, not moving.

“Take it.” She said, a hint of a smile in her voice. Hesitantly he reached out and grabbed it. It felt wrong to touch it, like he was clutching a wasp. It was so light in his palm.

“Burn it.” She said, holding out the comic. “Show me you don’t need it anymore.”

His lungs almost collapsed with relief. That wouldn’t hurt! That wouldn’t hurt at all! He’d read it already anyway!”

He eagerly clicked it on and pressed it against the shiny paper. Quickly smoke and the smell of burning plastic filled his room. The flames caught quickly, licking along the paper. Hiromi slapped his wrist hard, making him drop the comic on to the pile of cloths she’d made earlier. The fire quickly grew, catching on the cheap polyester material. She didn’t waste too much money on ugly cloths.

“What are you doing?” he was too shocked to be scared. “You’ll burn the apartment down!”

“That’s what the bucket is for.” She said smugly, kicking it. “But not yet.”

She grabbed high up on his left arm.

“Mother?” his voice went high and shaky. “Mother!”

With a strange dreamy smile on her face she pushed him forward until he was kneeling only inches from that terrible fire. It started to scorch his jeans as sweat ran down his face.

“Please.” He screamed, kicking and clawing at her. But she was relentless. Without a word she tightened her grip.

And plunged his arm deep into the fire.

He woke up when she threw a bucket of water over him. The pain came back with such terrible force he screamed. His entire arm felt molten, like the skin would slide right off. Presumably he’d blacked out sometime after his skin started melting.

“Stop whining.” She said crossly. “I put the fire out. Alone I should say. You’ll have to get the floor clean in the morning.”

He slapped his unburned hand over his mouth to quiet the ugly choking sounds pouring from his throat.

“Don’t cry. You didn’t need those things anyway. They were so ugly. I’ll get you new, pretty things. Say thank you.”

He forced some grisly approximation of the words out.

“You know, sometimes I wish you were dead.” She said conversationally. As if it were just a passing thought. “Things would be so much easier.”

With that she left him alone with the smouldering ruins of his flesh.

Nagisa clutched his arm to his chest. The pain was so all encompassing he nearly blacked out again. He couldn’t stay here. The thick smell of burning plastic and meat soaked into his pores. Smoke still hung in the air, sour and thick. He got up, stumbling to his bedroom door. On the way he stepped on something sharp. Under his foot was the lighter. He put it in his pocket. Mother would need that. For the next time he deserved it.

He moved down the hall. Mother was singing to herself in her room. she seemed happy. Happy at the thought of him being dead. He moved on. Out the front door, along the hall and down the stairs. Into the world. It was dark out. Night. No people. No one to bother him. No one to stop him.

He walked, straight down the street. The air was cold against his burned arm. Almost soothing. Soon he couldn’t walk straight anymore. The was a curve in the street. Either he turned, or he walked right through the window of a shop.

He picked a rock off the street and hurled it through the window. The glass shattered easily. He smashed enough out to climb through. Inside were racks and racks of pretty dresses. On one was the very dress he’d refused to wear. How perfect. He held the lighter to its petticoated hem. The cotton burns quickly. He sets the next alight, and the next and the next. Soon the fire is strong enough to spread on its own. Rows and rows of dancing flames. It’s so hot he thinks he might faint again. This was how she’d like him to die, wasn’t it? Burning. He sat down and let the fire creep all around him. He hoped the smoke would knock him out first. He hoped he’d be nothing but a charred husk when they found him. It was either burn up all at once here or burn to death slowly at home. This was preferable.

At least, it was until the pain started. He tried to take it. He really did. But it was just so terrible. So terrible he had to cringe away, drag himself back out the broken window.

He stood outside, watching the roof crumble in. he was a coward. He couldn’t even die properly. He sat on the floor, waiting for the police to come find him. He deserved it.  

The police didn’t take him to jail. Instead, he was sent to school. Which was good, as good as anything could be. And he was happy. But then he was sent back.

And it hurt.

She’d made him say things, awful things over and over as she burned burned burned him. She got angrier and angrier, until she choked him so hard, he passed out. When he woke up he was in his room. She was piling things up on the same spot as last time. The floor was still warped and black.

“Matching.” She said when she saw he’d woken up. “let’s make your arms perfectly matching. Maybe your legs too. What do you think?”

He’d screamed and ran so she dragged him back. She’d held him down and pressed the lighter against his face.  Then she lit the fire.

It was just like last time, even with the metal bucket of water. But unlike last time, she’d tripped. She was laughing so much after she burned his face she hadn’t looked where she was going and tripped over the bucket. She’d hit her head on the way down. He’d tried to wake her up, to put out the fire. But it hurt so much he could barely move. He thinks he passed out again. When he woke up the fire was burning the whole room. He’d dragged himself and her out to the hall. But she had woken up.

She wouldn’t come. She just kept laughing and laughing, going back to the fire. Eventually it was too hot to think. And he ran.

“And that’s when I came to school. I didn’t know what else to do. I was going to tell Karasuma about the fire, but I think I fell asleep. I woke up in the hospital, and it was too late.”

He sat up a little straighter and gave a little smile.

Karma could hear the blood thumbing in his head. It almost drowned out the things Nagisa had said. But not quite. Nothing could stop that dreadful flow of words. Nagisa had described it all softly, gently, like he was reading a poem. Like it didn’t matter. When he stopped the room was silent for a long time.

Eventually the social worker cleared his throat. “For the time being I’m going to recommend guardianship stays with the school. I don’t want to… unsettle you at this stage.”

The officer with the recorder abruptly shut it off. “Thank you for your time.” He said briskly. “We will be in contact.”

“I suppose,” said the social worker “I suppose under the circumstances… you don’t want to set up a visitation?”

“A visitation?” repeated Nagisa.

“With your mother. She’s still in hospital. I have been informed she remains… unconscious.”

“No thank you. No visitation. For now.”

“Excellent. Anyway.” They pack up their things. Karasuma shows them to the front door, which is luckily still attached .

Nagisa and Karma stared at each other for a while.

“That was pretty fucked up.” Said Karma eventually. Nagisa bit his lip. Then he stood and came right up close to Karma.

“If I tell you a secret, do you promise not to tell?”

Karma nodded, mesmerised by the cold tingling sensation of Nagisa’s breath by his ear.

“I did it. It’s my fault.”

“What do you mean?”

“I did it. After she burned my face up. She was turned towards the fire, and she really was saying all those things. She was going to burn me up. But I couldn’t, I couldn’t take it anymore. I picked up the bucket and hit her over the head with it. And when she passed out I threw even more stuff on the fire until the entire place was ruined. Then I ran here. I thought she died. I guess not. I guess I can’t even murder people properly.”

Karma stared at him for a moment. His heart raced. That was so violent, even for Nagisa.

“Are you going to tell?” he asked. “It’s ok if you do. I deserve to go to jail. I’m a murder. At least, I tried to be. “

“I won’t.” he answered. Then he kissed him. Nagisa gasped in surprise. He wrapped his arms around Karma’s neck and relaxed against him. Karma put one hand on the back of his head, the other wrapped around his waist. Nagisa bit his lip and he opened his mouth. The bitter taste of blood flooded his mouth, sending a delicious fizz rush through him. He broke away from a moment, panting. Nagisa stayed close, their breath mingling together.

“You’re my favourite.” Whispers Nagisa. “I’m glad I burned down that building.”

Karma almost laughs. “I’m glad too. But maybe don’t make a habit of it.”

“We’ll see, “ he answered and leaned in to kiss him again.

Karma felt himself get pushed back until his waist was against the desk. He moaned against Nagisa’s mouth as he felt cold fingers trail across his sides and press against his waist.

There was a loud cough from the doorway. Karasuma stood arms folded, with a smug smile on his face.

They broke apart, flushing.

“I’d say close the door next time, but you made that impossible.” Karma felt himself get even reader as Karasuma knocked on the broken doorframe.

“I’m glad you were both so calm during all that. How’s everyone’s mental state?”

Nagisa gave a thumbs up, apparently too mortified to speak.

“Excellent. Why don’t you go unpack Nagisa’s things? And no funny business in the bedroom. I don’t want to scare any students who wander past.

Nagisa shrieked, burying his head in his hands. Karma laughed, grabbing his arm and dragging him up the stairs.

“I’m sure we’ll get a new door soon.” He soothed. Nagisa kicked his ankle but smiled.

They collapsed on Karma’s bed, laughing. Nagisa rolled on to his stomach, running his fingers over the exposed marks on his face.

“So. Do you want to see the rest now?”

.

Chapter Text

Karma wandered listlessly through the cold streets. They were empty, the crowds from the night before had disappeared off into their warm little homes. Karma looked in the windows of dark shops. He vaguely contemplated breaking a window, climbing in. Maybe stealing something. It seemed like a lot of effort.

He stopped for a while outside a closed sweetshop. God this town was boring. He thought the school break would be better than the daily slog of classl. Instead, he was equally bored in a different way. At least there were no idiots to bother him. Karma was completely alone.

He shivered, a cold breeze eating right threw him. It was either go home or freeze to death.

It took him a while to decide which was worse.

Nagisa kept his hands folded in his lap. He put most of his attention into making sure he didn’t mess up the soft fabric of his dress. The rest of his attention went to agreeing with whatever his mom was saying.

“You have no idea how much work I put into getting Christmas ready! See these presents? Smell that food? All for you too, and what thanks do I get?”

“Thank you, mother, you do so much. I love you.” he reels off quickly. Beside him on the couch his father is staring helplessly at the tree.

They’re in the living room where Hiromi has been getting steadily more irritated for about two hours. He doesn’t know why. He’s done everything! He’s worn the dress, he let her do his hair, he’s grovelled all morning, telling her how amazing of a woman she is.

And yet she’s still angry. It’s probably his father’s fault. If it isn’t Nagisa then it had to be his father. Though Nagisa’s the one who’d be punished.

He rocked himself a little, just a little. She’d get angry if he was too obvious. She found it weird. Her voice faded into a soft buzz; her hands move wildly as she starts screaming. The words don’t register. He’s safe in his little cocoon of peace.

Later she goes into the kitchen, leaving the two of them alone. His father crouches in front of him, grabbing hold of his hands. His mouth moves, but he can’t hear.

Gradually the strong grip starts hurting enough to drag him up from the cocoon. He whines, rocking faster to try and go back. He doesn’t want to feel it when she blows up.

“Please.” His father is saying. He reaches up to touch his face. “Please Nagisa, please say something. Can you hear me? You’re scaring me. You can’t keep doing this.”

He keeps his mouth shut, rocking and rocking. They won’t get him. Not today.

Karma skulks into his house. There are people everywhere. Random hired waiters rush around with trays, guests sway in overly frivolous outfits, the occasional cook hurries past swearing. Karma heads for the stairs. Halfway up he finds his mom. She takes him by the arm and pulls him to his room.

“I told you to stay put!” she snaps once they’re inside.

“Actually you told me to stay out of the way. Which I did. I was so out of the way I wasn’t even in the house.”

She presses her lips together.

“Just stay here. Try to not mess anything up for once.”

She firmly pushes Karma down till he’s sitting on the bed.

“Why can’t I come to your party? I have like a million suits. I’d be good.”

“You? Good? You can’t open your mouth without saying something idiotic. Do you think I’d let you around people who matter? Absolutely not. Sit here and shut up. If I see you again before the 27^th I swear I’m confiscating every game you have till you’re twenty!”

Karma glared at her, muttering under his breath. Like always, his mother did her best to ignore him. She swept out the door, leaving a trail of distain in her wake. Karma lay down on the bed and kicked his headboard for a few minutes. Once his ankles were sufficiently sore, he hobbled over to his door and tested the handle.

Locked. He slammed his fist into the wood. It splintered, wood chips digging into his knuckles. Through the door he heard the music get louder. Most likely to drown him out. Well, if they were going to play over him anyway…

He sat on the floor and screamed out every swear he knew, rhythmically slamming his fist onto the floor. He heard the music turn up even louder. He hit harder. Just wait. In a few years he’d move out. In a few years he’d be grown up. He’d do whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted. He’d find someone who thought he was Gods gift to earth, someone who’d adore him. Then they’d be sorry. They’d all be sorry.

Nagisa presses his forehead to the table, murmuring to himself. He can hear yelling over the humming sound in his head. A hand yanks at his hair roughly, forcing him to look up. He blinks hard, trying to clear the fuzz over his eyes.

“Well?” asks his mom, giving his hair a shake. He winces. His father is sitting across from them looking miserable.

She shakes his hair again. “Ask him!”

“Nagisa.” He starts, wringing his hands. “I just thought your mother should consider talking to someone. Maybe a therapist, or a councillor? What do you think?”

He looks so desperate. Nagisa tries to force a sound out of his throat.

“Answer him Nagisa. Tell your father you know I’m perfectly fine. In fact, I’m perfect point blank. Aren’t I? Aren’t I the most loving mother in the world?”

He wants to put his head back down. He wants them to shut up. Things were going so well!

She slams his head down on the table, then yanks him back up.

“Hiromi!” gasps his father. Nagisa whines again.

“Sorry baby.” She croons, stroking his hair gently. “I didn’t mean it. I just wanted you to answer. It’s rude to ignore your parents when they’re talking.”

“M’sorry.” He tries.

She pats his head again and goes to the kitchen drawer. He finds his tongue.

“No no no no, please I didn’t mean it, please don’t be mad at me, please please…”

She turns around with a fistful of decorative candles.

“What are you talking about? It’s just to set the atmosphere.”

She puts them on the table in front of him.

“Why are you apologising? What did you do? Why did you assume you needed punishment?” she smiles, a hint of cruelty in the curl of her mouth. “Do you agree with your father? Is that it?”

He starts rocking. No point in hiding it now. She drags him down the corridor and shoves him into the cupboard. He can hear his father’s plaintive voice babbling in the background. It’s not like he’s trying to help, he just doesn’t want to be alone with her.  

She shuts the cupboard door, leaving him in the dark. She didn’t even burn him this time. Must be a Christmas miracle.

He laughs to himself, quietly, in the dark. He wonders if he’ll be so lucky next Christmas? And the Christmas after that. And the one after that. Time stretches before him, endless and unchanging. It can’t be forever though, right? He can’t keep doing this forever. Eventually one of them has to die, him or her. Maybe he’ll go first? Most likely. One day she’ll kill him. Lock him up till he starves. Burn him till all his skin peals off.

But maybe, just maybe… He hardly dares to think it. Maybe he’ll outlast her. Somehow. Maybe one day he’ll wake up without listing for footsteps. Maybe one day he’ll go to sleep sure no one will come to get him at night. He’ll just exist. And maybe, impossibly, he might have someone who wants to exist alongside him. Really wants to. Someone who isn’t just making the best of a child she didn’t want. Maybe someone who isn’t just staying because he feels too guilty to leave.

His shoulder twinges, the freshest burns rubbed raw by the seams of his dress.

He closes his eyes and curls up in the dark. As if. This is it for him till the day he dies.

Nagisa smiles as Karma presses kisses to his face. He kisses everywhere, burns and smooth skin. Like it doesn’t matter.

“You don’t have to show me.” Karma says, pulling away a little.

“We made a deal. And I want to. I want you to see what you’re dealing with.”

Karma pokes his cheek. “So dramatic.”

“Not here though, not without a door.” They pause for a few seconds, thinking. Then Karma smiles.

“What about the showers?”

They both crammed into a single cubical, locking the door behind them. It was a little small, but not too small they couldn’t put a little distance between them.

Nagisa blushed for a second, fiddling with the hem of his shirt. Karma looks down at him, also fighting a blush. It gives him the confidence he needs to pull his shirt off. Layer by layer he pulls off the bandages until he’s entirely bare from the waist up. Karma’s eyes trail over his chest. Along his arms and across his waist.

For a spit second Nagisa feels revulsion spread over him. Karma will be disgusted, he’ll leave, he’ll tell him he hates him, he’ll…

Karma kisses him so fiercely his toes curl. He wraps his hands around Nagisa’s waist, fingers ghosting over some old bruises. The flash of pain only makes his heartbeat faster. He reaches up to tug at the buttons in Karma’s shirt. Karma quickly tries to yank it off without undoing the buttons properly. It gets caught in his hair so he’s stuck with his face covered, trying desperately to rip it off. Nagisa covers his mouth to stop his giggles.

“Wait!” hisses Karma through a laugh, “two seconds, just wait…”

“Wait?” asks a voice from outside. They bother freeze. Nagisa scales Karma like a tree so there’s only one set of feet visible under the cubical.

“Everything alright in there?” calls the voice, which he now realises is Terasaka. Karma manages to free his head enough to call back.

“All good, just taking a shower.” He quickly turns the shower on full blast. Nagisa muffles a shriek as he’s pelted in the face by icy cold water.

Theres a sudden intake of breath and a speedy shuffling outside the cubical.

“Just dropping off clean towels!” yells Terasaka as he leaves. “Gone now! I won’t be back!” the door to the bathroom slams.

“Well that was odd.” Said Karma, finally getting his shirt all the way off. Nagisa answers by kissing him again. He runs his hands over the firm muscles of Karma’s stomach, heart flipping inside him. Karma’s hands come up, not quite touching him.

“Want to…” Karma gets out between kisses. “Want to grab…”

“Just not my hair.” He answers. Karma’s nails immediately dig into his shoulder blades, clutching him closer. They are both drenched, but neither pauses to turn the water off. Nagisa kisses a trail down Karma’s face and neck until he can bite down onto his collar bone. His teeth scrape across the bone and Karma shudders. He throws his head back as Nagisa bites him again, then again on the other side. He runs his tongue over the bite, lapping up the water caught in the hollow at the base of his throat. He kisses down his chest, trailing his hands down to his waist.

He hooks one finger into Karma’s waistband.

“Can I take them off?”

“Please.” Answers Karma. his voice is more of a high whine. Nagisa stares up at him delighted. He’d never made him sound like that before.

“Please? Since when do you say please?”

Karma gives him such a glare he elects to get back to business. He unzips Karma’s school plants and pulls them down. Karma steps out of them, kicking the soggy pile away. Nagisa gets on his knees and kisses along the hem of Karma’s underwear.

“Wait.” Breaths out Karma.

He gets up quickly. “I’m sorry.”

“No! no, that’s not, this is perfect, I just, the rest of your scars? Before I forget?”

Nagisa quickly unbuttons his own pants and slides them off. Karma stares at his legs. They’re not as bad as the rest of them. Mostly unburned with the occasional bite scar courtesy of Gakushuu.

Karma kneels. “Can I?”

Nagisa nodded, curious. Karma reached out to run his hands along Nagisa’s legs. He crawls close enough to press his lips to the inside of Nagisa’s thigh. He waits for the bite. It never comes. Instead, Karma kisses up his thigh, along the outside of his hip and up his stomach.

“You’re so gentle.” Says Nagisa.

“I think you’re the only person who ever said that.” Says Karma against his ribs. He peppers more kisses along the sharp bones. He doesn’t pause at the burns, he just keeps going, kissing and kissing until Nagisa’s knees buckle. He slides down to sit on the floor beside Karma.

“Tell me to stop?” he asks. Karma stays quiet, breathing hard.

Nagisa tugs at Karma’s underwear, sliding them off. Karma chokes on his own spit and Nagisa wraps his lips around him.

It’s a lot easier than he thought it would be. Sure, he gags a little and he can’t fit it all in his mouth. But Karma writhes, hands scrabbling at the wet tiles. Not once, not one single time does he grab his hair.

Nagisa figures out how to use his tongue and Karma suddenly starts babbling something that could be his name, and he pulses and something warm and salty-sweet-sour goes into his mouth. He spits it out. They stare at each other for a second, breathing heavily. Karma reaches out and wipes something off Nagisa’s face.

Nagisa is honestly shocked he doesn’t explode from embarrassment.

Then Karma reaches out, so he climbs onto his lap, burying his head in Karma’s shoulder.

Karma wraps his arms around him. After a pause he says; “Thank you.”

“Did you just thank me?” he laughs against Karma’s skin.

“Fuck you, I’m being polite!” he laughs too, his chest heaving against him. Nagisa curls tighter against him. The water is warm now, comfortable.

“Want me to do you?” Karma asks, fingers playing with the hem of Nagisa’s underwear. He considers. After a moment he shakes his head. Maybe another time. Eventually.

He leans up to kiss him but pauses a few inches away. They both wrinkle their nose at the same time. That might be a bit disgusting. Karma politely kisses his forehead instead. After a moment they start spluttering with laughter.

They get up and grab the towels Terasaka left on the shelf outside. With an impressive level of espionage, they get back to their room and dressed without meeting anyone in their half-clad state.

About 15 minutes later, when they’re both dressed (and when Nagisa can talk with out his voice going raspy) they head downstairs for dinner. When they walk into the full dinning room the head of every single student in the class swivels to stare at them. They both paused. Nagisa sucked on a strand of his still wet hair. it was incredibly awkward, and that was coming from him. Social norms typically don’t affect him that strongly. Beside him Karma appears to be trying to stare down about 25 students at once. He is losing.

Kayano saves them by calling them over. They grab their dinner trays and join her.

Once he sits beside her she flings her arms around him.

“I’m so proud! My friend is all grown up!”

On his other side Karma starts eating his fruit cup.

He allows himself to be cuddled. He doesn’t ask what she’s talking about. Presumably she’s proud he didn’t freak out about talking to the police.

Why else would everyone be staring at them?

A few tables to the left Terasaka is staring into the distance, a look of confused horror on his face. Okajima is trying and failing to comfort him. Nagisa shrugs it off. Nothing to do with him.

Chapter Text

Nagisa’s spent the night in Karma’s arms.

He’d started in his own bed, nestling into the pillow. The action hurt his face, but he didn’t expect so sleep anyway. Being uncomfortable didn’t really matter.

Karma lay on his back, occasionally signing dramatically. After the tenth time Nagisa sat up.

“What?”

“I’m cold.” Said Karma. “I spent my morning sitting naked on a wet bathroom floor. That’s not good for my health.”

“Well then don’t do it again.” Said Nagisa, lying back down. He winced as his damaged face hit the pillow.

“Nagisa. I’m cold. All alone. In my bed.” Said Karma slowly.

“Do you want another blanket?”

“Nagisa! Come here and cuddle. Take a hint.”

Oh.

Nagisa got up and padded over to Karma. He slipped into bed beside him, lying on his back. They stared at each other for a moment.

Karma blinked at him, looking suddenly shy. “I won’t lie, I didn’t plan what to do once you got in here.”

Nagisa considered for a moment. Then he climbed on top of him, lying so they were stomach to stomach. He laid his head on Karma’s chest and Karma wrapped his arms around him.

“Not bad.” Said Karma.

Nagisa gently nipped his rib through his pyjama shirt to make him yelp.

“Go to sleep Karma.”

Nagisa woke up and stretched. For once he’d slept right through the night and felt delightfully floppy.

“Not yet.” Mumbled Karma, who he was still lying on.

Nagisa settled back down and allowed himself to be held. Karma woke up gradually, before  unexpectedly rolling over and tossing him out of the bed.

He shrieked for a second before shutting up. He was in too good a mood to scream. Karma dragged himself upright and they set about getting dressed.

Nagisa put on his uniform pants and considered the shirt options for a few minutes. His arms itched under his bandages, he really should let them air out. After a moment his pulled them off and buttoned himself into the short sleeve shirt he received upon arriving at the school and never wore since.

He regarded his messed-up arms with a vague feeling of distaste. Maybe this was a bad idea.

“You know you really do look like a mouldy potato.” Said Karma, putting on his shoes.

“Thanks.”

“You can’t hide your face, and everyone knows your mom is insane anyway. You might as well be comfy and exposed. Let everything hang free.”

“I’m wearing short sleeves, not becoming a nudist.” Said Nagisa, tossing a pillow at him.

He took a breath and stepped out of the room. He felt the slimy gaze of everyone in the dinning room when he walked in. For a moment he felt paralysed, trapped under their scrutiny. Then he remembered what it felt like to walk away from his burning apartment block, knowing his mother was trapped inside. He remembered Karma touching his face with his rough hands.

He rolled his shoulders back, feeling the soothing touch of the cool air against his bare skin. No going back now, might as well own it.

He grabbed his breakfast and sat next to Kayano.

“Look at you, all confident.” She said, stealing the strawberries from his fruit salad. “It suits you.”

“He’s the most beautiful potato of them all.” Says Karma, sitting on his other side.

Kayano nodded, as if that wasn’t a deranged thing to say. Nagisa kicked Karma under the table but didn’t bother stopping the smile stuck on his face.

They were half way through breakfast when Sugino awkwardly sidled over.

“Hey.”

“Hey”

“So, I don’t hate you.” says Sugino quickly. “Hope that’s cool.”

“You never really hated me. You used me as an outlet for your own feelings of inadequacy. The intense failure and humiliation of losing at your favourite sport led to such self-disgust you projected onto what you perceived as the easiest target of ridicule. In your defence, I do scream and throw myself around a lot, so I was an obvious target. I don’t hold it against you. Want some toast?”

Sugino took the offered bread and smiled.

“Is that a really long way of saying we’re cool?”

“Super cool.”

Kayano helped illustrate his point by doing enthusiastic jazz hands. Sugino smiled and sat at the table with them.

“This toast is awful.”

“Its whole-meal.” Said Karma mournfully. “This is cruelty to children. I’d trade you all for a pancake.”

The day continues perfectly normally. They do schoolwork, share lunch and spend the evening outside on the grass. Sugino digs his baseball out of the sports shed and practices throwing it. Nagisa and Kayano run after it and bring it back, each time guessing how far it went. Karma refuses to run after the ball like a dog and instead sunbathes on the grass. He only occasionally gets stepped on. Once everyone wears themselves out, they flop down beside him. Nagisa rests his head on his stomach and Kayano drapes herself across Nagisa’s legs. Sugino sits beside them, gently tossing the ball into the air and catching it.

Nighttime comes up slowly, and they drift off to their rooms. This time Nagisa goes straight to Karma’s bed, nestling into his chest again. It’s so perfect he almost thinks he must have died in that fire. It’s so perfect this could only be heaven.  Karma strokes his head, scratching gently at his scalp until he falls into a cosy, dreamless sleep.

He wakes to the sound of glass shattering and a thousand sharp things digging into his back. He shrikes, scrambling upright and accidently kneeing Karma in the crotch.

Karma swears, curling in on himself. He continues swearing as he rolls onto the slivers of glass that are all over his bed.

Nagisa shakes glass off himself, staring in absolute bewilderment at the scene. The window nearest to Karma’s bed is shattered, glass scattered all over the place. A rock comes sailing through the window, breaking what little glass is still sticking to the frame.

“Nagisa!” calls a voice from outside. “Nagisa! I’m going to kill you!”

In what is probably a really stupid move, Nagisa sticks his head out the window. On the ground below Gakushuu is standing in a severely dishevelled uniform, with a rock in his hand. He holds it up threateningly.

“Come down here!”

“No!”

“Why not?”

“Because you’re throwing rocks at me through a window you moron! What are you doing?”

Karma recovers from what may be the worst wake up call he’s ever had and hobbles over to join him at the window.

“You’re a weirdo!” He yells down at Gakushuu.

“Fuck off! Just come down so I can kill you! Both of you!”

“No! Come up here so I can kill you!” Karma yells back.

“All of you can shut up before I kill you!” yells Karasuma from somewhere downstairs. They see the door swing open as he rushes outside, grabs Gakushuu and manhandles him into the building.

Nagisa heads for the door.

“Are you seriously going down? He’s insane! He drugged you!”

“I want to make sure he’s ok.”

“Why? He’s a terrible person.”

“Very true. But I’m concerned this is because of what I said to his dad the other day.”

With that he headed for the stairs. After a moment of frustrated grumbling Karma followed him.

On the walk downstairs they pick up quite a crowd. The uproar has woken the entire building so their classmates peak at them from their bedroom doors. The sound of swearing and smashing Gakushuu starts making once he’s inside makes most of them decide to mind their own business and go back to bed.  A particularly loud smash followed by a yowl sends the rest away.

Nagisa winces when he sees Gakushuu. He’s in an awful state. His uniform is half torn off him. There’s a deep gash in his forehead that’s pumping blood down his face. One of his arms is bending at a severely unnatural angle while also being purple. His throat is covered in the red prints that Nagisa knows from experience will darken into purple and black within two days.

He’s throwing whatever items of furniture he can with one arm. To his credit, he’s doing a good job of it. Karasuma stands off to one side guarding the fish tank.

“Any idea why he wants to kill you?” he asks.

“I’ll tell you!” Gakushuu snaps. “He managed to fuck with my fathers head so badly he had a psychotic breakdown.”

“No I didn’t!” said Nagisa, feeling rather falsely accused. “I just told him he’s a tired old failure that no one likes!”

Karasuma rubbed his face with one hand.

“Well, whatever you did turned him crazy. He’s been raving mad since the last time he met with you! He’s marching up and down yelling and calling me Ikeda.”

“Did he also beat you up?” asks Karma, somewhat insensitively.

“No actually! I just played a particularly rough round of golf. Yes he beat me up you retard!” Screeched Gakushuu, looking around for something to throw at him. He grabbed a book from Karasuma’s top shelf. He reared his arm back to throw it, saw the title and froze.

“Why do you have a book called So you’ve realised you’re a lesbian? What is wrong with this place.”

“Homophobe.” Said Karma. Gakushuu threw the book at his head. It missed.

Karasuma cautiously left the safety of his corner. 

“I can help you.” he said gently. He reached one hand up to touch Gakushuu’s shoulder. Gakushuu smacked his hand away.

“I don’t need help.” he said, his voice halfway between a snarl and a sob. “I just need to kill them.”

“Karma. Nagisa. Go to bed.” Says Karasuma. His voice is cold.

“No.” sobs Gakushuu, clutching his broken arm to his chest. “I need, I have to...”

They back away as Karasuma wraps his arms around Gakushuu and holds him tight.

The sound of Gakushuu’s sobs follow them up the stairs. They hear it until they crawl into Nagisa’s bed and pull the covers over their heads. In the soft, dark little cave of the blankets, there’s no sound but their own breathing.

“That was a lot.” Said Karma eventually.

Nagisa picks at the burned skin of his left hand till it bleeds.

Chapter Text

By the time Karma crawled out of bed the following morning Gakushuu was gone. Nagisa was sweeping up the broken glass from Karma’s bed.

“Do you think we’ll ever have a whole week without someone having a mental breakdown?”

Nagisa shrugged and started pulling Karma’s sheets from his bed.

“It seems unlikely. Come help me, I’m damaged enough with getting glass in my eyes.”

They decided to just throw the sheets out rather than risking glass in the washing machine. Once that was sorted, they joined everyone for breakfast.

They set one foot in the room before being pounced upon by Maehara.

“Hi, want to make me some money?”

“No.” said Karma.

“Thanks! Theres a bet going on. So, what are you?”

“I’m a human.”

“And?”

“I’m a student. I’m a Japanese citizen. I’m a Capricorn. I’m a homosapien.”

“You’re a homosexual.” Called out Terasaka from his table. “We want to know if you’re a homosexual with a boyfriend or a situationship. Are you dating Nagisa?”

Much to his annoyance Karma felt himself blush. To his even greater annoyance he’s not really sure of the answer. They’d never discussed it. Were they dating? Did Nagisa want to date? Or did he want more of a friends with benefits thing? Was Nagisa seeing him as a partner or an extra special friend he could nibble? He didn’t mind either way, but he should have asked. The embarrassment! And he couldn’t ask now, the entire class was staring at him.

“We’re dating.” Said Nagisa, as if it was obvious.

Money was promptly exchanged.

Maehara slapped Karma on the back. “Well done! Good luck!”

Karma chased him out of the room and a good bit into the forest. He gave up when Maehara dived into a pond and refused to come out.

Nagisa was waiting for him on the school steps. They went back in together.

In the dining room Sugino and Kayano were sitting at a table having a heated discussion.

“They’ll both go to jail. “ Sugino was saying, “They’re both criminally insane!”

“I’m technically criminally insane.” Kayano answered, “and I’m not in jail. They’ll send his dad to jail, and he’ll be sent someplace like this.”

“Who?” asked Karma, sitting across from them.

“Gakushuu and his dad. Karasuma took him to the police station this morning, he wants him to file a police report.”

“I can’t imagine him doing that.” said Nagisa. “He’d feel humiliated.”

“Hey Nagisa!” called Isogai from across the room, phone in hand. “I got a call from Karasuma. Gakushuu is refusing to give a police report!”

Sugino, Karma and Kayano laughed all at once.

“That’s so sad. Hope it works out.” Said Nagisa, nibbling at granola.

“That’s the thing. Karasuma’s coming to get you. Gakushuu is refusing to give it until you come talk to him.”

Karma put his heads in his hands. There would never be a normal day in this stupid school.

When Karasuma came to collect him, Nagisa was waiting by the front door. Karasuma eyed him warily.

“Are you planning on screaming?” he enquired politely.

“No.”

“Is Karma?”

“Isogai and Maehara have him trapped upstairs. He didn’t want me to go.”

A loud crash from the stairs dissuaded Karasuma from asking anymore questions. He ushered Nagisa into the car.

“So fun fact.” Said Karasuma after an awkward moment. “Gakushuu is in the hospital.”

His tongue went dry and sticky. His throat spasmed and he felt his head start to buzz.

Karasuma cleared his throat and continued. “They moved him there because…”

“His dad beat him up?”

“Yes.”

Nagisa kept his eyes on the road. He scratched roughly at the skin of his hand. His fingers travelled up his bare arm, scraping at his burn scars.

“I like the short sleeves. Suits you.” said Karasuma, one eye on him, one on the road.

“Is it the same hospital?” he asked quietly. “Where they put mom?”

His voice cracked on the awful word, and he closed his eyes tight.

“You don’t have to see her.” Said Karasuma gently. “It’s totally different parts of the hospital. She’s in the burn unit and he’s in paediatrics. You don’t have to even think about her. I just wanted to warn you.”

Nagisa dug his nails in so deep he drew blood.  He lifted his glistening wet fingers and held them in the light.

“I don’t want to be scared of her.” He said, voice small and sore. A small trickle of blood snaked its way down his arm. “It’s not fair. I won’t be scared. I won’t.”

Karasuma said nothing as Nagisa lifted his fingers to his mouth and lapped his blood up with his small pink tongue.

Gakushuu was in bed, refusing to be propped up by a pillow. He threw the pillow directly at Nagisa’s head the second he saw him. Nagisa let it bounce off his face as pillows typically don’t hurt when thrown at you. This time was not an exception.

“Can you please be civil?” asked Karasuma.

“No.” said Gakushuu sulkily. “He ruined my life.”

“Your life wasn’t that great originally.” Pointed out Nagisa. “Your father sucks.”

No one contradicted him.  

“Fuck off” snapped Gakushuu eventually. “I hate you.”

“I hate you too.” Said Nagisa politely.

He turned to look at Karasuma. “Can you go outside so you can’t hear us talking but stay close enough you can hear screaming?”

“I suppose.” Said Karasuma. “Do you think there will be screaming?”

“Maybe. But only as a last resort.”

Karasuma shrugged, stepping outside. They were alone.

“So are you going to file a police report? It would be humiliating.”

“No, I just needed Karasuma to get you.” Gakushuu said while trying really hard to get out of bed. A combination of strong pain killers, a head wound and the fact some nurse had tucked him in really tightly made it difficult.

“Give me five seconds, I’m going to kill you. Wait right there.”

Nagisa waited politely as Gakushuu finally wiggled out of his sheet. He climbed to his feet and promptly fell on his face. Nagisa did not help him up.

“I hate you.” said Gakushuu again, getting to his knees. “My head hurts. It’s not fair.”

“What’s not fair?”

Gakushuu swung his fist at him. Considering he was several feet away and also on the floor Nagisa did not feel the need to duck.

“I’m trying.” Insisted Gakushuu. “I tried so hard. I did everything he wanted. I said all the right stuff, I did all the right things, and he still did it. He looked at me and I wasn’t right. Because my dad, he doesn’t. He wanted to. He did it.” He chocked in an awful shuddering breath.

“Because he looked at me and wanted to do this. He’s my dad, and I love him so so much and he’s supposed to look after me and he didn’t, he wanted to hurt me. He does! He just loves it so much. And I don’t understand why.”  His voice cracked on the last word and he clamped his eyes closed to try hide the tears.

Nagisa sat on the floor, keeping the distance between them.

“It’s not your fault.” He says eventually. “Your dad is a bad person.”

“He’s a genius.” Says Gakushuu, eyes still closed. “He’s making me perfect.”

“Your dad is a loser who can’t get over a random student dying ten years ago. He’s just a man with a suffering fetish. He doesn’t matter.”

“Stop it. Don’t say that. You don’t get to say that. Look at you! look at your arms. How can you walk around like that? You let her do that to you, you sat there and took it! I’m not like you! I fight back! I do, I, I stand up for myself. I do whatever I want. I’m better than you. I am.”

“Ok.” said Nagisa. He stroked a finder over his arm. Little flakes of skin caught under his nail, flaking off onto the floor.

“Ok? that’s it? You admit that you’re a a a coward? That you let her do anything? That you’re stupid and weak and “

He broke off, clutching his head.

“Yes.” said Nagisa. “I was too scared to do anything accept take it. Like you were too scared to run when your father smashed your head open and broke your arm. But I don’t think we are necessarily cowards. Through we are a bit pathetic.”

“I fought him.” Said Gakushuu, like he was pleading with him. “I did, I tried. I said.” He buried his head in his hands.

“You said sorry, didn’t you?” said Nagisa gently. “You always just said sorry.”

Gakushuu nods behind his hands. “He was so angry.” He whispered. “It’s not my fault.”

“I filed a report against my mom. Mostly against my will.” Said Nagisa. “You should probably also do that. “

Gakushuu looked up at him. “I can’t. He’ll be so angry. “

Nagisa shrugged. “He will also probably be locked up and not able to get you. And he’ll be so humiliated. Imagine it, his own perfect protégé ripping away his perfect veneer. Revealing he’s a sad old loser with a perfection complex.”

Nagisa could practically hear the cogs in Gakushuu’s brain whirling.

“He’d be humiliated?” he asked, just to check.

“Of course.”

Nagisa decided this was an opportune moment to leave. He discreetly backed out of the room as Gakushuu started laughing to himself.

He found Karasuma in the corridor, looking at a wall map of the hospital.

“I think he’s going to do a report.” Said Nagisa.

“Excellent. Do you want to wait in the waiting room while I get this sorted? There should be some lovely magazines.”

Nagisa obediently wandered down the corridor towards the waiting room. The second he was out of sight he veered off in search of the burn unit. There was something he needed to do.