Chapter Text
BOOK ONE: OUT
Nick doesn’t know what he was expecting when he decided to follow Charlie into the music block after rugby practice, but it wasn’t that he was going to walk in on Ben sexually assaulting Charlie. For one thing, Nick had no idea that Charlie, at least, was anything less than straight. For another, it doesn’t sound from what he overhears that Ben’s advances on Charlie are a surprise. If anything, it sounds like Charlie and Ben were together for quite some time before Charlie broke things off, before Ben—
Later, he’ll wish that he didn’t wait as long as he did to go up and pull Ben off of Charlie. In the moment, he’s more stunned than anything, and there’s a part of him that wants to believe that Ben’s intentions aren’t as bad as they look—that he’ll stop of his own accord once he figures out that Charlie really doesn’t want what Ben’s doing to him. But Ben doesn’t stop, and Nick’s seen enough to realize that he’s going to have to interfere if he wants to protect Charlie, if he wants to ever be able to look at himself in the mirror again.
“You okay?” Nick asks after Ben does as he’s told and pisses off.
Charlie doesn’t answer, at least not directly. “Did you hear all of that?”
“Most of it. You seemed like something was up, so I…” Nick breaks off. Finally, he can’t help but add, “I didn’t know you were gay.”
“Yeah, well, neither did anyone but Ben before… before now.”
He takes a second to just… recalibrate. It’s not like Charlie’s sexuality should be such a big deal to Nick. He’s still the same Charlie, isn’t he?
“I’m sorry. I know this must not have been how you would have wanted anyone to find out, if you ever did want to come out.”
Charlie wipes his eyes again, and Nick’s heart just—breaks for him. Charlie asks, “Can we get out of here? I just want to go home.”
So they go home, and Charlie texts Nick briefly to thank him, and Nick thinks the worst of it is over—until the next day.
Nick can tell something is wrong the instant Charlie walks into form. Normally, Charlie greets Nick each morning with a broad smile and small talk, but today, he mumbles out his hello and keeps his eyes downcast. His clothes look rumpled, like he might have slept in them, and there’s stubble lining his face.
“Charlie?”
“What?” he mumbles. He still won’t look at Nick, and all Nick can think is that Charlie looks like a shell of the person he was even when Nick was pulling Ben off of him in that corridor yesterday.
“Are you still upset about… about yesterday?”
Looking alarmed, Charlie’s gaze flies up to meet Nick’s. “What about yesterday?”
“The…” Nick lowers his voice, mindful of the students surrounding them. “The Ben thing. It’s okay if you’re not okay. You don’t have anything to prove to anyone.”
“Oh. Right. That.” Charlie sounds surprised by this, as if he’d entirely forgotten it had happened.
“Okay, so not the Ben thing. If…” Nick breathes a sigh. “I know we haven’t known each other long, but if there’s something going on and you want to talk about it, you can talk to me, okay? I’ll keep all your secrets. I promise.”
And Charlie—Charlie looks like he’s about to burst into tears. “Thanks,” he mutters, and Nick can’t get anything more out of him for the rest of the period.
He’ll feel ashamed of this later, but he kind of forgets about Charlie’s odd behavior as the day goes on, to be honest. Nick’s got exams in chemistry and Spanish, and he’s thoroughly distracted during lunch by Harry and the others’ usual idiocy. At rugby, however, he knows he’ll see Charlie again, and it all comes flooding back as Nick’s walking to the locker room.
The only thing he can think of is that Charlie’s feeling embarrassed about Nick knowing now that Charlie’s gay—but that doesn’t explain the way Charlie was dressed this morning, and it doesn’t make sense with Charlie’s obvious confusion when Nick brought up Ben. It seems pretty clear to Nick that something else happened after they parted ways at the end of the day yesterday; he’s just got to figure out what.
He hopes that Charlie tells Nick himself—that Nick doesn’t have to piece it together on his own. There’s something about Charlie, something about the way he makes Nick feel, that makes Nick desperately want to have Charlie’s confidence. He doesn’t care if Charlie’s gay. If anything, for reasons Nick doesn’t quite understand, knowing now that Charlie is gay almost makes Nick feel—grateful.
But Charlie doesn’t show up to practice, rendering useless the half a dozen ways Nick brainstorms in the locker room of how to encourage him to open up. Coupled with Charlie’s obvious distress this morning, Nick’s in a right worried state by the time he’s ready to go back home.
The first thing he does after he changes is text Charlie. Missed you at rugby today. Everything okay?
Fine thanks :) Charlie responds a few excruciating hours later.
And maybe that would have been the end of it—maybe Nick would have accepted that Charlie doesn’t want to talk about whatever it is he’s going through this week—except Charlie looks equally miserable in form the following morning, and Nick’s starting to get really, properly worried. So he decides to follow Charlie after rugby lets out that afternoon. This time, Charlie actually does show up, but he’s just as subdued there as he has been in form the last two mornings, and Nick decides, well—if Charlie’s not going to be direct with him, then maybe Nick can figure out with a little deception what’s going on.
It’s just—Charlie lingers in the locker room long after all the other boys have left, almost as if he doesn’t want any of them to see where he’s going, and that more than anything convinces Nick that he’s got to do something to find out what’s wrong. So when Nick leaves the locker room, he turns a corner and then hovers there, waiting to see which direction Charlie goes.
He’s not sure what he’s expecting—maybe that Charlie’s sneaking off to see Ben again? But Charlie doesn’t meet up with Ben. He doesn’t meet up with anyone. Instead, he ducks into a broom cupboard and emerges five minutes later in pajamas with a rucksack slung over his shoulders and what looks like a sleeping bag tucked under his arm.
Nick comes out from around the corner. “Charlie? What are you doing?”
Caught, Charlie widens his eyes and stammers, “Nick, I… I… you’re not supposed to be here. I told you, everything’s fine.”
Wary of scaring Charlie off, Nick inches forward. “Have you been—sleeping at school?”
“Just leave it alone. Please.”
But Nick can’t leave it alone. “I can’t do that,” he says. “I can tell a teacher in the morning, or you can talk to me now about what’s going on. Your choice.”
And Charlie—everything about him just suddenly crumples. His face droops; his shoulders slump; his voice drops. “You can’t tell anyone. You can’t tell anyone, Nick. If people were to find out…”
“Find out what?” Nick asks simply.
“Why my…” Charlie sucks in a breath and tries again. “Why I’m not allowed to go home anymore.”
It’s not like this is new information, not now that Nick realizes Charlie’s been sleeping at Truham for the last couple of nights, but Nick’s stomach still sinks right down to the floor. He creeps closer. “You’re not allowed to go home?”
“I kind of… I was in a really bad place on Tuesday, you know, because of what happened with Ben, and my mum was asking me what was wrong, and I just… I told her. I came out. And she kicked me out. My dad didn’t want me to go—they got in a huge fight about it—my sister tried sticking up for me, too, but when my family fights, Mum always wins. It was too late that night to get back into the building, so I slept on a park bench, but I crashed here last night. That’s the plan for now while I figure out what… what I’m going to do.”
Tears are streaming down Charlie’s face by the end of this speech. Nick pushes down the sudden urge to get right up inside Charlie’s personal space and thumb the wetness away.
Two days ago, Charlie was just a sweet, nerdy kid who sat next to Nick in form and kept him company during rugby practice. Now, he’s been outed to Nick and disowned by his mum for it, and Nick can’t bear the thought of Charlie spending even one more night at Truham, alone.
“Come home with me,” spouts Nick before he can help himself.
Charlie’s face contorts again. “Nick, I couldn’t possibly ask—”
“You’re not asking. I’m offering. You can spend the night at my place, just until—until you figure things out. Don’t you see? What kind of friend would I be if I just left you here?”
Charlie wavers. “You see me as a friend?”
The incredulity in Charlie’s voice makes Nick want to join Charlie right then and there in crying. “Of course I do. We established that on Tuesday, didn’t we? I’m here for you, and I’m not letting you spend tonight alone here. I’m just going to text my mum so she’s not shocked when you come out to the car to meet her, okay?”
“You can’t tell her,” Charlie whispers. “I can’t… I don’t…”
Nick’s pretty sure there’s no way he can avoid telling Mum what’s going on if he wants to be able to live with himself after this, but Charlie doesn’t need to know that, not yet. One step at a time. “We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. For now, I’ll just tell her I asked you to spend one night. Okay?”
There’s a pause, and then Charlie acquiesces, “Okay.”
This time, Nick doesn’t resist the urge at all: he comes right up to Charlie and winds his arms around him tightly. After a moment’s hesitation, Charlie hugs back—pretty much just collapses there in Nick’s arms and allows Nick to hold him up.