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‘’I am a dreamer and when I wake
You can't break my spirit, it's my dreams you take
And as you move on, remember me
Remember us and all we used to be.’’
-- Goodbye My Lover - James Blunt
Jack and Rose drifted under the blazing stars. The water was glassy, with only the faintest undulating swell. Rose could actually see the stars reflecting on the black mirror of the sea. Jack squeezed the water out of her long coat, tucking it in tightly around her legs. He rubbed her arms. His face was chalk within the darkness. A low moaning sounded the darkness around them.
‘’It is getting quiet.’’
‘’Just a few more minutes. It'll take them a while to get the boats organised…’’
Rose was unmoving, just staring into space. She knew the truth. There won't be any boats. Behind Jack, Officer Wilde has stopped moving. He was slumped in his lifejacket, looking almost asleep. He had died of exposure already. How long had he been in the water before them? Several minutes.
Jack felt the tremor in Rose's hand. He could see the despair in her eyes, which even now amazed him with their beauty and their depth. Those eyes had said more to him in the last few days than most people said in a year. In a complete lifetime.
He couldn't rest, though, not while Rose was forlorn. He knew that if she gave up, she would certainly die. He had to get her to try, to care. He managed to stammer, "I don't know about you but I intend to write a very strong worded letter to the White Star Line about all of this.'' It was a good effort, but even before she spoke, he could see that it wasn't enough. She smiled at the joke, and even tried to chuckle a little, but the inner fire he loved so much was dangerously close to being snuffed out by the penetrating cold. It was that which broke his heart…
Her words only confirmed what he already knew. She was giving up. "I love you, Jack." She looked ready to hear his response and die right there and then, with him. Perhaps the fire had burnt out. Perhaps it was too late.
Jack would not let that happen. "NO!" he said with as much vehemence as he could muster. Rose glanced at him in surprise. This was not at all what she had expected. "D-don't say your goodbyes, do not give up, not yet. Don't do it!" Jack looked hopefully to see if the words had the desired effect.
It was not to be. Rose's next words were laced with fear and consignment to her fate. "I'm so cold." Her eyes were pleading with him to let her die. He simply could not allow himself to let her accept death so easily.
He had to give her an image to look forward to, some way to see past the present plight and into a finer future. His only hope was to give her hope. "You're going to get out of this...you're going to go on and you're going to make babies and watch them grow and you're going to die an old lady, warm in your bed. Not here. Not tonight. Do you understand me?" Jack noticed with surprise that he was no longer shivering. Speaking was becoming an even greater chore, though. He felt like he couldn't get enough breath into his lungs to make the words. But the thought of Rose, at the beach, warm with the sun causing her face to glow was enough to thaw him out just a little.
The significant thing, though, was that Rose was looking at him intently again, trying to see where Jack was leading. He had never felt like a saviour, never wanted to be one. He just was himself, but that night he desperately needed to save Rose. An honest survey of his body told him that even if a boat appeared that very second, he would very likely die anyway. He had been in the water for too long. His entire focus was on saving the woman he loved.
Her next words showed him the faintest spark of her inner fire. She was no longer hopeless. She had started analysing the situation-looking for a way out, but she didn't see one. "I can't feel my body."
Jack used what little breath he could still draw into his frosty body to puff that spark into a flame. "Rose, listen to me. Listen." Her eyes found his in the darkness. Somewhere in the deep blue, they found what they were searching for. His eyes found the answers he was seeking in the deep greens of hers. She was listening to him now and would listen to him always.
"Winning that ticket was the best thing that ever happened to me. It brought me to you." His brain took over for a bit, while he tried to get more air. He thought to her, and you were the best thing that ever happened to me. You showed me that I could love. I couldn't have been complete without you. She had saved him every bit as much as he had saved her. "And I'm thankful, Rose. I'm thankful." More than words could ever say, he was thankful. More than anything he loved her. He damned well loved her so much.
Jack could feel the last reserves of his body giving way. He remembered his promise and knew that Rose would do whatever he asked of her. It went against a lot of what they had meant to each other, but it was absolutely critical that he do everything he could for her survival. He had promised.
With Jack's eyes grasping hers as tightly as their hands clenched each other, he made his last big speech. "You must do me this honour...promise me you will survive...that you will never give up...no matter what happens...no matter how hopeless...promise me now, and never let go of that promise."
Rose's words sounded faint and distorted. The cold was affecting every part of him now. But the words, spoken from the heart, were as clear to his heart as if he and Rose were still warm and comfortable in her suite. Just as warm as they had been in the backseat of the car, making love and wrapped up in each other's arms. That was the image, the feeling and contentment which he would carry with him. Into whatever other life came after this.
‘’T-talk to me, Jack.’’ Rose stammered through her own pain, seemingly discarding everything else. Feeling just how the cold was slowly eating away at her. It was excruciatingly painful. But it would have been more so for Jack. ‘’Take me somewhere else but here. T-tell me about how we would go to Paris. Or California. Talk to me.’’
Rose had gripped his hand harder, a fine sheet of ice forming about them, completely numb in their entirety. It had been his talk of promises, that had propelled her to move about then. To keep moving. Left in the water longer, Jack would die. His breathing came in hitches. How great a sacrifice would his life be for her? But she would never live without him. He had told her to not say goodbye, yet , there was hope. There was life still. A chance...
''Keep moving, Jack. Do you remember what you said to me? Keep moving.''
He was moving. Involuntary shivering. His eyes opened, reflecting the pain evident in his body. ''I...I can't.''
The water lay calm and still, the blackness hovering over the ocean. The only sound was the water gently splashing up against the debris, then becoming calm once more. It was like glass; clear and crystal and yet, above them, the sky was a beautiful haven of stars all twinkling a dance about the sky. As far as she could see, bodies bobbled about, clinging to something, anything. Bodies of women, of children and of the men who would never see their surviving family again. This would be the memory forever ingrained into her mind, bearing witness to a watery graveyard of the beautiful people, most of whom were just steerage passengers wishing to experience a better and more fulfilling life. Rose hitched a sob, and a wave of life seemed to come to her. Jack closed his eyes, growing still as though some part of him was giving up.
''Don't you do that,'' she shook his hand, blowing a warm breath upon it to break their contact. ''Don't you dare slip away from me.''
A fire started in the pit of her stomach. Jack wrinkled his eyes, and she knew of the pain he was feeling. Oh, how she wished to get his body out of the water. Once she had parted their hands, his weakness was evident as he started to sink beneath the water as though he was already about to sink to a watery grave; to join the rest of them. Another flare of determination flared. She was his anchor. The movement caused her to catch his arms, and his eyes were suddenly wide, locked with hers.
''Fight for me, Jack. Fight with me.''
He must have found the strength to kick his legs because in a small manoeuvre she rolled off the side of the debris and encountered the water enveloping her entire body. A long and large gasp came to her and she ignored the stabbing of a thousand knives. Barely able to breathe, she fought harder, for Jack. For him. Always.
''R-rose, no.'' He struggled, unable to make large movements and she came to him, holding the bobbling debris steady.
''Get on it, get on top.''
''No.''
Rose heard his breathing stall and then when he managed to open his eyes for a moment, saw the absolute, sheer agony ravaging him.
''For God's sake, Jack, I don't want to live without you. I don't want to go on because my heart is here with you.'' With clattering teeth, she placed a hand upon his hunched back and tried to accommodate a movement, anything slight to aid him. Unable to speak further, Jack murmured and with stiff, jerky limbs he found the sudden urge to move, somewhat freely. The blackened waters seemed unable to claim him just yet. He puffed out the pain, his breath there as a reminder that he was still alive.
"Come on, get on top."
Rose's voice was filled with a steely determination and seemed to ignite a flare within him, too. In a move which seemed to knock down the walls of immortality; Jack grasped onto the edges of the wood, ignoring any splinters, and when he slipped, Rose was a strength to push him upwards just as he had when she had been unable to move properly. There, he lay, atop the floating debris and with dying eyes, exhaustion finally coming to claim him. His eyes floated closed.
''There are no goodbyes,'' he whispered, and she heard his shaking murmur. ''I-I lo-''
''Shh,'' she pressed her icy finger to his lip, and stopped him from speaking his own goodbyes. ''Tell me tomorrow.''
She saw the fear, felt it gripping her own bones and the depths of her soul. Glancing out, to the soulless laying within the icy waters with her, she looked back to Jack. Her own body was jerky, clattering and she was unable to make such smooth movements as she once had. Turning about to Chief Officer Wilde who lay, now with the angels, a whistle within his mouth. She wanted to sob, to scream for help but it would be useless; who would there be to listen? Sanity had been chased away and replaced by a desperation to survive this Hell and hope that time could come to erase some of the pain. Rose wilted as she propelled all of her strength into trying to save him. She was captivated by him, seeing him laid so lifeless when he had so boldly saved her life and she would do so in return. Even if this was the last night on earth with him, she would die in his arms. She kept Jack in sight. His fading eyes, his body covered in ice and he managed to smile. He was like a ghost there in the blackened, eerie night. Jack was alive. Barely. There were no more gasps of fear, just the feel of his cold cheek against her chest, pulling and twisting and shivering but she never let go of him. She would never. There was a light in the darkness, like a beam. A beacon. It was almost peaceful.
The moonlight above had provided a beautiful illumination across the stillness. The stars shone for her...for them both. It was beautifully wicked; to gaze at such wonder above her, to bear witness to a gorgeous still night, one which claimed so much. Claimed lives. Claimed innocence. Claimed everything. Was God watching or did the heavens not exist anymore?
There was so much death. So much stillness. How were they alive just mere hours before? Now, they rested in the arms of the ocean. Lulled to sleep forever by the gentleness. Death had taken a gentle hand to their mouths and silenced their cries. Answering their prayers to take their souls now, before the pain grew too great. Breathing was painful; once expanding lungs were gripped by that clutching fist which wouldn't let go until their soul left them. Numbness. It was as though a body was disappearing along with all feelings, draining away before their life would be taken. Children in their mothers' arms, cradled forever in their watery grave but now safe away from the cruelness of this world. Officers who had died during their duty. Immigrants who wanted that much better life for themselves, for their families. It was a sea of stillness now, replacing the hysteria of hyperthermia which had claimed most of them. How had each of them screamed, and shouted? How had they moaned with such shock, utter grief and terror? Children cried for their father, for their warm bed. Mothers for their children's safety. For the boats to return. Would they return? Why didn't they return?
Why did this happen?
Blinking through painful eyes, she saw the sea of bodies. Tranquillity fell over the world. The screams were long gone and replaced with the slow, steady rhythmic rocking of the water carrying them endlessly into their eternal life; wherever that may be. The bodies which bobbled about, now frozen beyond almost recognition, were a graveyard of the ones who were once full of hope. Hope of a new life; of adventures. Of love. Of happiness. She had joined them. Though boarding the great ship had felt as though she had been led off her execution, eventually her melancholy had been chipped away. Jack Dawson had entered her life. He had sucked her into a vessel of freedom. She had sinned; given herself to a man who she barely knew. Barely had known. But loved him. Endlessly. Her voice crackled, shattering across the eternal sweetness of the empty world. The world had lost its glory.
With a jerky movement, she tried to board the debris, just as he had done when she had first laid upon it, but the weight of him had pushed it under. Now though, with him easily balanced across it, she found a way to lay beside him. It submerged the board, exposing them both slightly to the frightful coldness of the water, but it was better than their bodies fully submerged, and this way, she could lie with him. See his handsome face so close to hers. She positioned herself to rest just right beside him.
Dry lips parted. And then, his lips sealed over hers. Stealing her breath from her lungs, causing her eyes to spring open. His tongue was caressing her own, his fingers threaded within her hair. Acting on impulse, she reached to his shoulders beneath the coat which she had wrapped about him to attempt to shield him somehow and dug her nails into the flesh to gain some hold of reality. Green eyes focused, finding his blue in the dim light of the moon. They flashed, warm; they were her safe place. Her home. Reacting to him, she pulled at his shoulders, clasping across his back; any way to become closer to him. The water which had gathered in the rim of her eyes spewed as soon as she closed them again, and he tasted the salt of them, kissing away the tears. His own gathered within.
''It is all right,'' his lips came down against her forehead, swatting away the iced hair. His breathing felt better then, calmer, but still it was accelerated in parts as though there was still the most profound of struggles as he continued to intake the foggy air.
Within his eyes, the fear matched her own. He was just as broken as she. Yet, he was strong; for her. When the shadows descended for him, invading his dreams and cruelly taking away any sense which they had come to; then she held onto him and refused to let go. Jack's own hot tear trickled, landing upon her cheek and with a trembling hand, she reached to swipe it away. Pinned beneath his intense blue gaze, his terror matched her own. His trembling tortured him, also. His hand lifted to his chest and rubbed, as if to soothe a pain there.
God she felt so willing. Willing to be his. Willing to die for him, and also, to live for him so they could go beyond this. Even if it was to a higher place. She tried to be soothing then…
‘’I will te-tell you about Paris.’’ Rose decided, her eyes not leaving his. ‘’B-but you have to listen to me, Jack. Don’t you dare close your eyes, do you hear me?’’
His breathing came out in pants, as though it was the greatest struggle. ‘’N-not P-Paris. Santa M-Monica.’’
Rose smiled, through her own shivers and excruciating pain, she smiled. Her imagination, it seemed, was still fully able to work, as she quickly took a glance at the beautifully endless night before she looked back to Jack, and his eyes never wavered.
‘’The w-waves would lap right up against us, Jack, as we laid there wrapped about each other in the surf.’’ Her voice transported them both. ‘’It is so, so warm. The sand feels incredible…’’ She paused to take a second to gather her own breath, and saw just how alive Jack’s eyes had become. With their fingers entwined like lovers, she rested her head right beside his so that neither would be able to move. Her coat draped across part of his body. Her legs slung across his own. Together, they would become fused that way, possibly for eternity. ‘’When we rode those horses, right there, it felt as though we had taken the greatest journey. The greatest flight.’’
‘’You--You could soar, Rose.’’
‘’We both will.’’ She smiled. ‘’The r-rollercoaster is just as fast as you told me that it would be. My stomach was in knots but no more than it was the moment that you kissed me, Jack.’’
‘’Rose…’’
‘’That was the moment that my stomach faltered the most.’’
‘’A-and mine.’’
‘’So when we go to the top of the highest Ferris wheel, I tease you about it. And you laugh. And you would touch me, and kiss me, just the way that you did in the car.’’ She paused to see how his pale blue eyes dilated. ‘’Nothing else would matter to us, Jack. Everything else would disappear. Because only you and I would exist in the world.’’
‘’L-like right now?’’
A single tear finally escaped. It was hot against her skin, trailing down her cheek and then onto Jack's nose. She wiped it away, clearing his pale face and pressed a small kiss there.
‘’Yes. Hold on tight,'' she whispered against his face, feeling just how little warmth was left there. ''hold on tight for me.''
She could only gather him closer to her, using her own body as a shield but now, there was no feeling left within her.
Jack’s eyes grew heavy, but she clasped onto his hand tighter.
‘’There will be sun again, Jack. We will feel it’s warm rays.’’
‘’I c-can’t think.’’ His words came out in a whoosh. It was painful for him to even speak. He was reduced to a stutter. It was known, then; the boats weren’t coming back to them. There would be nothing more than this for them. It was painful, out in the endless abyss of bodies, of a blackened night which had faded into an early morning. Time had felt shorter as the navy blue of the sky faded into an abyss of blackness with the silver dots of stars. The last time that Titanic had ever seen daylight, Rose had stood at the bow with Jack, him showing her just how to soar so beautifully across the ocean. The ocean then had felt like her freedom and now, it had claimed so much from her, but from a great liner sinking she had found another life. Wounded, broken and battered as she was, there would be another life for her and Jack beyond this. Wherever that could be…
‘’T-talk to me, Rose.’’ His eyes, although the only thing able to move, went to the sky. ‘’I--I was watching the stars the night we met.’’
She wished to squeeze her eyes closed. Wished to close them forever at parts. But these could have been the last moments in which they both spent alive.
‘’And now, we watch them together as we say goodbye.’’
‘’No, Jack, there is no goodbye.’’ Rose crushed her lips against his, the best that she could, blowing against them. Her mouth created a rising flow of warm air which then turned to ice the moment it reached the freezing temperatures.
‘’You-you touched my heart, you’ve taken my soul and you are everything to me, Jack. Everything.’’
''We-we are-,'' Jack struggled, his body trembling and in a second, she was taken back just hours before when she had laid within his arms having just discovered what it felt like to truly make love for the very first time. Her arms had been his sanctuary then, and she had trembled for him in return after exchanging the most beautiful and intimate moments.
''Don't try to speak, not now.'' Rose soothed him but another tear came, then another and her own couldn't be stopped then as the watery lines escaped and joined with his own. His cold, frigid fingers reached out from the coat to touch her cheeks and she should have gasped at the frozen cold connection but she closed her eyes instead just to relish the fact that he had enough strength to just raise his hand.
‘’We would have married.’’ Jack smiled, through the pain, as she tucked her hand back into the coat and squeezed it so tightly, to gain some tiny feeling, she rested it against his rigid chest.
‘’And made lots of babies. And watched them grow.’’
‘’I’d have spent a lifetime with you.’’
‘’We still can. We still can…’’
His once beating hard, which had pounded against her own just hours ago as he had lovingly taken her virginity in the backseat of a car, was now reduced to barely even a fraction. How much longer could they live?
‘’F--forever.’’
The words were barely a whoosh and he panted as though the breath was leaving him faster than he could catch it.
‘’Always.’’ She kissed his cheek. Their noses in contact. Their blue lips barely parted.
‘’I love you, Jack.’’ She repeated and this time, she saw the remnants of a smile upon his face.
‘’I loved you from the first time I saw you.’’ It came out. In whooshs. In sounds. Choppy But he said it, nevertheless. ‘’I love you.’’
The sounds of the water, lapping up against their debris seemed to become the only sound then. Their eyes never wavered. Their hands clenched together at his heart. The heart which seemed to fade away with each passing second.
‘’Goodbye, my lover, goodbye, my friend…’’ Rose seemed to whisper, in a tune as a shooting star chased its way across the sky. A smile of awareness captured her and she closed her eyes then. ‘’You have been the one for me.’’
A second star chased the first; then in unison, they flew off together and rewrote the stars…
When the dawn finally broke, Officer Harold Lowe stared out into the abyss of bodies. Once humanity had thrived. Once they had lived. They had been mothers, fathers, sons, daughters, friends, families…
Some were babies. Children. Clutching their mothers in fear, but in death, they appeared to be peaceful and free from trouble. Free of pain. Free of the cold. Perhaps there was something else beyond this world which would keep them free of ever experiencing anything quite like this again.
Gut-wrenching is a word used often enough, but it would never scrape the surface of what it was like to glance across the sea of people who didn’t survive the senseless sinking of the Titanic.
‘’We waited too long,’’ he choked, speaking to no one but himself.
The two oarsmen carefully rowed through the scene. Carefully and respectfully to not hit them.
At the centre, Chief Officer Wilde lay, in his watery grave with a ship's whistle frozen between his lips, and Officer Lowe’s eyes filled with tears. With a quick salute, he removed his eyes from the man who he had once worked beside but nothing prepared him for the sight of the lovers…
‘’Oh Lord have mercy…’’
They floated, as though on a cloud, across the still and glassy sea. A man about twenty and a girl about the same. Even in death, she was beautiful and he, handsome. Her shocking red hair, the bright contrast against the sea of horror. The bleaky blacks and greys were no more, as he could only say a silent prayer.
They clutched their hands. Their lips together. Their eyes closed. Their heads tilted towards the other.
The only comfort one could take from this was, at least they died together.
With one last look, Officer Lowe left the scene and left the deceased to rest within the arms of the ocean. And taking with him the sights which would dwell for an eternity.