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It was a hot nearly summer day the week following Cruel World Fest 2022. The two nights in a row at Pasadena were a complete success despite Peter being bald and nearly face planting during Ziggy Stardust on night one of the festival. (At least he had his little sparkly crown to make him feel better). Bauhaus were getting ready to embark on a new and exciting North American tour following the success of Cruel World Fest and were currently on their way through Southern California. In the tour bus sat the four not so young men each in their own worlds occupying their time as the bus headed to their next tour destination. Peter was staring at himself in the tour bus mirror wearing his new favorite sparkly crown and singing “Fishcakes” to himself. He wanted to add the bizarre yet catchy song to the setlist but the rest of the band advised him not to. He disregarded their request and added Fishcakes to the setlist against their wills and better judgment.
Upon discovering the update to the set list Daniel Ash canceled the next show. It was just a show in Tempe Arizona, and since it is such a shithole Daniel figured no one would really mind. This only further enraged Peter who to comfort himself snuggled in to bed with his sparkly gold crown and favorite crack pipe. Kevin Haskins, being the youngest and most susceptible to conflict was visibly distraught by the sudden and unexpected cancellations. He couldn’t understand why his bandmates can’t seem to agree upon anything. He found comfort in asking his brother David J if he could play Candy Crush on his iPhone. David was reluctant to give his phone to Kevin at first but realized this is what will bring him the most comfort and agreed. Kevin spent the rest of the day playing games on David J’s iPhone.
Suddenly Kevin seemed completely transfixed on the screen. Something had hypnotized him, he darted to the door of the tour bus and ran into the Arizona desert.
“Great, now we will have to go find him!” Exclaimed David. So the band began the search including the still completely cracked out Peter.
Bauhaus being an English band were not used to the desert heat, and as they stepped off the tour bus to look for Kevin realized just how hot and shitty the desert was. The desert sun was the hardest on Peter as he is now bald and susceptible to sunburns on his head. It didn’t help that he didn’t bring any sunscreen with him on this tour. He decided to push through the mild discomfort of the imminent sunburn on his bald head and tried to tough it out, but being the diva he is, began complaining to the other members non stop. He continued to complain that his leg hurt from his fall a few weeks ago. He cursed the microphone stand that had tripped him up. He blamed Daniel for placing the stand in his way to trip him up. This idea made little sense since he had put that stand there himself.
In the midst of his complaining and still being under the influence of crack he suddenly realized he had become separated from his band mates. He stood their terrified as he saw a tumble weed roll on by. A sudden gust of wind caused the tumble weed to change directions and roll directly at Peter. He was unable to dodge it in enough time and tripped over the tumble weed in the same manner as his fall at Cruel World fest. (Peter can never catch a break :/ ) The fall knocked the crown off of his head and the crack pipe out of his hand. He was now upset about so many things: Kevin running off for no apparent reason, the shitty desert heat and sun, and now his crown and crack pipe getting all sandy.
“I’ve had enough of this fucking desert!” He yelled to particularly no one as he grumpily walked back to the tour bus. He sat down inside the bus and began to smoke more crack and look at himself in the mirror while practicing grabbing his tits. He decided his bandmates could fend for themselves.
Meanwhile, a few miles away from the tour bus, Daniel and David eventually caught up with Kevin. What the three of them knew was that Kevin’s trance was indeed fake. It was all a means to get the three of them to separate from Peter.
“See I knew he’d be too much of a diva crack addict on this tour! Exclaimed Daniel.
“Why did we even agree to this Bauhaus reunion? We should just bring back Love and Rockets.” Said David rather calmly.
“Are we still going through with our plan as intended?” Questioned Kevin.
“Ah yes, we’re gonna get Pete checked into rehab one way or another…” Daniel said grimly while rubbing his hands together manically.
The three of them made their way back to the tour bus. On the way back Daniel explained to David and Kevin the plan to capture Peter and bring him to rehab. The plan was to lure him into the bathroom of the tour bus by telling him that there’s extra crack waiting for him there. They would then proceed to lock him inside the bathroom and the tour bus would take him straight to rehab. The three felt like the plan would work perfectly without any possibility of failure. As they finally reached the tour bus, before opening the door Daniel asked,
“Is everyone ready?”
David and Kevin nodded in unison.
“Ok then… I’ll be the one to lure Pete into the bathroom, you two keep your wits about and act like everything’s normal.” Daniel said quietly.
Daniel then proceeded to open the tour bus door, to no one’s surprise the three found Peter in the back fondling his breasts wearing his favorite sparkly crown. Daniel quickly nodded at David and Kevin silently signaling to them that he was about to begin their plan. He slowly walked up to Peter and said, “Hey Peter, just wanted to let you know that there’s some fresh crack waiting for you in the bathroom. The rest of us don’t partake in such nefarious activities but we thought you’d appreciate it if we shared this information with you.”
Upon hearing this information Peter’s eyes lit up.
“Oh fuck yes! I was starting to run low on my stash, thanks Danny!” He said enthusiastically. Peter got up from his seat and began making his way to the tour bus bathroom but then suddenly stopped before opening the door. Kevin who was unable to hide his anxiety towards the possibility of the plan failing immediately looked at his brother in confusion. He would give the whole plan away if he didn’t keep his cool! Peter noticed Kevin’s odd behavior and turned to face his three bandmates.
“Hold on a minute… just what the fuck are you three up to…?” He questioned.
“Nothing!” Replied Kevin rather frantically.
David J rolled his eyes behind his sunglasses, his little brother had just fucked up their seemingly fool proof plan.
“You three are up to something, I just know it!” Said Peter in an angered tone of voice.
“I haven’t the slightest idea what you’re getting on about Peter! We just wanted to offer you some…” Daniel was cut off mid sentence by Peter charging at him full force. Peter pushed through Daniel, knocking him off his feet and made an attempt to run to the front of the tour bus. Kevin and David tried to hold back the lead singer but to no avail, were also pushed to the ground. Peter was in a blind rage, his bandmates were about to betray him again! (Just like when they were recording Burning from the Inside and the three of them finished the album without Peter when he got sick with pneumonia). Peter then proceeded to run to the front of the bus and sat down in the driver’s seat. For whatever reason their tour bus driver was nowhere to be found. He must have bailed on the band when Daniel canceled the Tempe show. Peter turned on the ignition and began to drive the bus, flooring the gas pedal. The sudden force of the vehicle accelerating caused the rest of the band to fall as they tried to stop him, which resulted in all three of them hitting their heads and passing out on the floor of the bus. Peter began to drive, but he was still very much under the influence of crack and ended up crashing the bus after driving only a couple of miles. The bus crash was very much like his hit and run DUI night, hopefully he wouldn’t get arrested and get another embarrassing mugshot photo taken. The combination of the crash, being completely wasted, and his blind rage made Peter pass out. The last thing he remembered before his vision went dark was Daniel crawling to him and calling his name…
He awoke in a dark room only slightly lit by candles form some strange geometric shape. He looked around to realize he was surrounded by six cloaked figures. They started singing a song that made Peter’s heart sink. It sounded of Gregorian chant, however despite Peter not being able to understand the words he could feel the foreboding dread of the lyrics. He tried to rise to his feet to run away however he realized he had no control over his body. He was helpless to the events around him. The cloaked men began to surround him in an evenly spaced circle. Peter felt his body go cold as sweat poured down his forehead into his eyes. Unable to move, his vision was blurred. He could only see the outlines of the figures as they continued their approach. His heart beat like a drum. He fought as hard as he could to move a limb, any limb. All his efforts were In vain, as the figures' chants escalated in volume and tempo, Peter’s dread only grew. The figure closest to Peter’s head pull an object from his cloak, which Peter was unable to make out. The figure began to bend over mere inches away and move the mysterious object towards his face.
As the object was moved closer to Peter’s face, he finally realized what it was. It was a single fishcake, breaded and fried golden brown. The cloaked figures chanting suddenly became clearer to him, it was the lyrics to fishcakes but all the words were in Latin. Peter was still under their paralysis spell and could only watch and anticipate in horror about what they would do to him. As the fishcake was brought closer and closer to his face he closed his eyes, he did not want to see what they’d do next. All of a sudden he heard a bang, a door was opened and light began to flood into the mysterious room. He opened his eyes when he heard a familiar voice call out,
“Hey you freaks! Get away from my mate!”
It was Daniel Ash! Daniel had come to help him! He couldn’t believe his eyes, he began to well up with tears at the thought of his bandmate risking his life to save him from the cloaked cultists. The cultists began charging at Daniel, but Daniel had come prepared. He had brought his saxophone with him to use as a weapon, as he did not bring any weapons with him on tour and had to resort to using his saxophone. One by one the cultists moved forward, armed with daggers and fishcakes. One of the cultists began throwing their fishcakes at Daniel but he was able to dodge the fried foods with ease. Daniel regularly did yoga which made him strong, flexible, and limber which was the perfect combo for dodging projectiles. He used his saxophone to knock out the cultist with a swift attack to their head. The cultist fell to the ground completely passed out. The remaining cultists realized that Daniel was truly a force to be reckoned with and fled without a second thought. As the cultists fled, their spell on Peter was lifted and he found that he could once again move. He sat up, his chest heaving with labored breaths.
“Danny… you came to help me? Why? You were about to betray me on the bus! You’re the reason why I even got into this mess!” Peter still remained his usual diva self even after a terrifying encounter with murderous cultists.
“Peter, please just calm down, let’s get you out of here, I’ll explain everything once we’ve left this godforsaken place.” Said Danny in a softer tone.
Peter was about to protest but decided against it, he nodded as Daniel helped him to his feet. The two of them left the mysterious room, which just turned out to be the basement of a shitty hotel.
Daniel led the way out of the basement and past the lobby, bringing Peter to his room. The Haskins brothers also had a room but they were out enjoying the nightlife and trying their best to forget the traumatic bus crash in the desert. Daniel closed the door to his room and gestured for Peter to have a seat. Peter chose to sit on the edge of the bed facing Daniel. He was still visibly upset about everything that had happened to them ever since they began the tour.
“You want a drink?” Daniel asked Peter calmly.
“Yeah I could really use one right now.” Peter replied.
Daniel walked to the mini bar in the room and opened the fridge. To his dismay the only alcohol available was green apple Four Lokos.
“Uh Pete, you fancy these Four Loko thingies?” Daniel asked, perplexed as he picked up a can analyzing the strange drink.
“I haven’t the slightest clue what that shit is but as long as it’s got alcohol I’ll drink it.” Peter said rather unenthusiastically.
Daniel grabbed a can for Peter and one for himself. He handed Peter his Four Loko and sat down on the bed next to him. They each opened their Four Lokos and curiously took a sip. It was the shittiest fucking thing they’ve ever drank. They both hated it but decided to push through the pain and drank it anyways.
Once they began to feel the effects of the Four Loko, Daniel began to speak.
“Hey Peter, I’m sorry for all the shit that’s happened on tour so far. And Especially for trying to trick you into going into rehab.”
“You really betrayed my trust Danny, I was ready to start touring as a band, as friends again! But everything’s fucked up now.” Peter replied, he took another sip of his Four Loko, his face cringing slightly as he swallowed.
“I know I did, and it was wrong of me to try and trick you. You see, I’m just concerned for you. I don’t want you getting into things that will fuck your life up.” Daniel paused and took a breath before quietly uttering, “I care about you so much, I just don’t want to lose you in any way...”
Peter was not expecting to hear the last part of Daniel’s statement. He turned, looking his friend directly in the eyes. As their eyes met they both began to well up with tears. It seems like the Four Lokos were helping at making them quite emotional. Daniel leaned his head against Peter’s shoulder and began to weep. Peter wrapped his arms around Daniel, allowing him his moment to vent and release all his pent up emotions. They sat for a few minutes in silence, Peter embracing Daniel as he cried until Peter began to speak.
“I really care about you too Danny, you’re my best mate.”
Hearing Peter’s words, Daniel sat back up, again making eye contact with his best friend and bandmate. Peter returned his gaze, they were sitting so close. Daniel craved to close the gap between them, so he leaned forward bringing his lips to meet Peter’s in a tentative kiss. At first this move took Peter by surprise and Daniel feared that he had made the wrong move and overstepped his boundaries, but within seconds of these negative thoughts, Peter returned the kiss, slipping his tongue into Daniel’s mouth. Daniel moaned into the kiss as Peter began to push the two of them down onto the bed, trapping Daniel underneath him. They broke their kiss, both men panting slightly.
“I can’t tell you how long I’ve wanted to do that Pete.” Daniel said, lust heavy in his voice.
“Oh so you’ve thought about this before, have you?” Peter asked seductively. “You naughty boy, what else have you fantasized about?”
Instead of replying, Daniel pulled Peter’s head down, bringing them back into another heated kiss. His hands wandered to Peter’s shirt, untucking it from his pants. They broke the kiss briefly in order for Daniel to pull Peter’s shirt over his head. Daniel had always admired Peter’s body, but now that Peter had tits, his lust for his bandmate had grown nearly out of control. He brought both hands to Peter’s chest and began fondling his tits gently.
“Fuck Pete, I love everything about you, but especially your breasts.” Daniel said as he groped and massaged Peter’s tits.
“Oh you’re such a sweetheart Danny.” Peter said, watching Daniel grope at his tits. Daniel could feel Peter’s arousal against his thigh as he laid under him playing with his tits. Feeling emboldened, Daniel made a move to sit up and push Peter down onto the bed. Peter was curious to see where this would lead and let Daniel take control for the moment. Daniel pushed Peter onto his back against the bed and straddled his lap. He leaned down and once again brought the two of them into another passionate kiss, grinding his hips against Peter’s, both men moaning at the intimacy of their actions. Peter broke the kiss,
“Danny would you quit teasing?” He demanded. Of course Peter would still be a diva even in their most shared intimate moment. But this time Daniel wouldn’t be complaining.
Daniel smirked and slid down kissing his way from Peter’s jaw and down to his neck.
“You asked what else I’ve fantasized about? Well here’s your answer Pete.” Daniel said as he moved his head even lower. He nipped at the open skin above Peter’s waistline before pulling off his belt and throwing it onto the ground. Peter watched with anticipation at the next move his friend would make. Next, Daniel popped the button of his pants, grasping at the waistline and pulling them down and off, discarding them like he did with the belt. Peter was left in nothing but his underwear (which was a thong), his cock straining against the fabric. Daniel was about to remove the underwear but Peter grabbed his hands stopping him.
“I think you’re a bit too overdressed for this occasion…” Peter said with lust in his eyes. Daniel was so focused on wanting to give pleasure to Peter that he forgot he was still completely dressed!
“Oh yes! Right then!” Daniel said, a bit flustered. He began to take off his clothes as Peter watched. Daniel decided to put on a little show for Peter, making sure to undress as slowly and sensually as possible. Daniel, now completely undressed, went back to the task at hand. He pulled down Peter’s underwear, exposing him to his greedy eyes. Of course he had seen his bandmate nude before in venue dressing rooms but this is completely different.
“You’re staring love.” Peter laughed slightly at his friend, his ego feeling completely boosted.
“Sorry Pete, I can’t help myself, like I said, I love everything about you.”
He furthered that statement by bringing himself further down, now eye level with Peter’s cock. He began with an experimental lick from base to tip, repeating the acting several times before taking the tip into his mouth and swirling his tongue around the head. Peter moaned at Daniel’s actions, he had no idea Daniel was this talented when it came to sucking cock. Daniel smirked to himself, he had Peter completely at his mercy. He took in more of the shaft until he had the entirety of Peter’s cock down his throat. He began to bob his head, breathing through his nose as he focused on bringing Peter as much pleasure as he could. Peter was a moaning mess as Daniel worked his cock, he brought his hand to the back of Daniel’s head, grasping his hair for leverage as he began to thrust his hips slightly. Daniel gagged slightly at Peter’s actions but found his rhythm once again, moaning around Peter as he thought about how much pleasure he was giving his best friend and bandmate. Peter’s breathing became ragged, he wouldn’t last much longer with Daniel’s talented mouth.
“Mmmph fuck Danny, I’m getting close…” Peter moaned out and he continued to shallowly thrust into Daniel’s mouth.
Hearing Peter admit he was close made Daniel bob his head faster, pulling back up on his shaft and focusing on the tip once again. Peter’s breathing went ragged as he focused on the feeling of Daniel’s warm and wet mouth around his cock. Without warning Peter came inside Daniel’s mouth with a low moan. Daniel swallowed Peter’s load, pulling his mouth off his cock once he had swallowed all the cum. Peter watched, trying to catch his breath. That was the best head he had received in years. He mentally kicked himself that he and Danny hadn’t done this sooner.
Peter was about to comment on how good at giving head his friend was but was cut off by another passionate kiss, this one the most intimate of all the kisses they had shared so far.
When they finally pulled back from each other, both men were breathless and in a haze of lust. Daniel’s rock hard cock was pressing against Peter’s thigh, reminding him that he had not yet found release for himself. He began to grind himself against Peter, signaling him that he craved release.
“Look at you acting like a whore Danny. Did sucking my cock really get you this hot and bothered?” Peter asked in a mocking tone. Before Daniel could answer Peter grasped his cock, making Daniel’s breath catch in his throat. He began stroking his bandmate’s cock, working the shaft in slow firm strokes. Daniel couldn’t even think of a witty remark to throw back at Peter, he was so overstimulated from being so touch starved the entire night all he could focus on was finding his own release. A high pitched moan fell from his lips as he thrusted in time with Peter’s strokes.
“Mmmhm fuck, Peter… I want you to fuck me…” He choked out.
Peter smirked, ceasing his hand movements causing Daniel to whine out.
“Danny, if you want me to fuck you, you’ll have to do a much better job at begging for it.” Said Peter coyly. He was getting enjoyment out of teasing Daniel, feeling his arousal returning.
Daniel sighed, frustrated and just wanting release, he gave into Peter’s demands.
“Peter, please I need you to fuck me, I need your cock inside me…” Daniel moaned.
“Hmmm that’s much better.” Peter said egotistically as he reached for a bottle of lube he saw on the nightstand. It seems like Daniel came prepared for the events they were partaking in tonight. He took the lube and squeezed a generous amount onto his hand as Daniel made himself comfortable on his back, spreading his legs slightly and waiting for Peter to make his next move. Seeing Daniel spread completely open for him made his brain cloud with even more lust if such a thing was possible. He took in the image of his bandmate before him while stroking himself back to full hardness. He positioned himself between Daniel’s thighs, placing the tip of his cock at Daniel’s entrance. He glanced down at Daniel making eye contact with him as he slowly pushed his cock inside Daniel, both men moaning in unison. Once Peter was fully inside Daniel, he leaned down and placed a quick kiss on Daniel’s lips.
“Fuck Danny… you’re so tight…” He moaned out as he began thrusting slowly, allowing Daniel time to adjust to the feeling of his cock inside him. Once Daniel began to moan, Peter picked up his pace, thrusting into Daniel roughly, greedily chasing his second orgasm.
The only things heard from the room were the sounds of the hotel bed creaking and the low moans of the two men enjoying each other’s bodies. From outside their room, the Haskins brothers were returning from their night of drinking. As they walked by Daniel’s room Kevin stopped and listened. He couldn’t believe it! It sounded like Peter and Daniel were having a great time jumping on the bed of the hotel room. He was immediately jealous and made an attempt to knock on the door and ask if he could join in with them. David knew exactly what was going on inside the hotel room and quickly stopped his brother from interfering. He then explained to Kevin that what they were doing was private and that they shouldn’t be interrupted. Kevin was unhappy about this decision and sulked back to their room. David J let him order room service pizza to help cheer him up.
Back in Daniel’s room, Peter continued thrusting roughly into his bandmate. Daniel, wanting to find his own release began stroking himself in time with Peter’s thrusts, feeling himself inch closer and closer to orgasm. Peter then took Daniel’s cock into his own hand, jerking him off with the same vigor as his thrusts. Daniel couldn’t even think coherently, between Peter thrusting against his prostate and stroking his cock, he wouldn’t last much longer.
“Ahhhh Peter… I-I’m gonna cum!” Daniel could barely speak from the immense pleasure his best friend was giving him.
“Mmmph fuck yeah Danny, gonna make you cum so hard.” Peter said and accentuated his statement by speeding up his thrusts. Soon Daniel was pushed over the edge, he felt his ass and lower abdomen contract and pleasure was racked through his body, he came hard calling out Peter’s name, spilling his seed onto himself. He could do nothing more than lay back and let pleasure overtake his body as the last spasms of his muscles ceased. He was panting hard, no one had made him cum that hard in his entire life. Peter moaned at the feeling of Daniel’s ass contracting around his cock, it would not take long for him to reach his second orgasm of the night.
As Peter was about to begin thrusting once again, he noticed something quite alarming. He glanced down at Daniel, who was still basking in the afterglow of his orgasm, and noticed his testicles seemed much larger than he remembered. Daniel always had the largest testicles in the band but something was definitely wrong, they had swelled up to twice their original size when just moments ago they were their usual standard size.
“Daniel, I don’t even know how to say this right now, but there’s something wrong with your testicles!” Peter attempted to pull out of Daniel’s ass but with no success. He was stuck inside his best friend and bandmate.
“Daniel I’m serious, something is wrong! I can’t even pull my cock out of you!” Peter began to panic. He couldn’t think of an explanation for either of the things going on at the moment.
“Don’t try and fight it Peter, just accept that this is how all things must be, how all things must end...” Daniel said in an almost dream-like state. He began clenching his inner ass muscles, holding Peter inside him, preventing him from pulling out or leaving.
“Daniel this isn’t funny! What the fuck has gotten into you?!” Peter said struggling to free himself from Daniel’s ass, but to no avail, his ass was basically vacuum tight and there would be no pulling out. To Peter’s horror, Daniel’s testicles began to swell and grow even larger, and they kept growing at an alarming rate, now the size of basketballs. Peter was so freaked out, he couldn’t move so he began to yell for help. Thankfully the Haskins brothers were in the room next to Daniel’s and immediately dropped their room service pizza to investigate the commotion. David j knocked on the door to Daniel’s room.
“Oi, I don’t wanna know what you two lovecats are up to right now but I hear a lot of screaming. I’m gonna call for help at the front desk!”
Kevin was quite perplexed and had no idea what was going on or what to do so he just followed his brother’s lead.
Daniel was still in some sort of trance laying on the bed clenching his ass, to which Peter could not escape. His eyes rolled to the back of his head as his testicles continued their unrelenting growth. They were now the size of bean bag chairs, their sheer size enveloping himself and Peter, who’s cries were now muffled from Daniel’s exponentially growing enormous testicles. They continued to grow, and moments later David J, Kevin Haskins, and the hotel manager burst into the room, wanting to help their bandmates with whatever predicament they had gotten into. Alas, this predicament was far too big for them to help with. David J said nothing and stared at the image in front of him. His sunglasses lens cracked, the shards of glass piercing his eyes. He did not complain, he didn’t want to see anymore after what he had just witnessed. Kevin grabbed his brother and bolted away. This is the last time he and his brother agree to go on a Bauhaus reunion tour. Daniel’s testicles continued growing, soon enveloping the room and crushing the hotel manager. Daniel’s testicles had claimed their first victim. As the testicles grew in size and weight, the feeble building was soon unable to support the great weight which was Daniel Ash’s testicles and the ground began to rumble as it caved in underneath Daniel and Peter. Kevin with his brother in hand ran as fast as he could through the fire alarm exit in just enough time, seconds later he turned and watched as the entire hotel began to crumble and disintegrate under the mass and force of Daniel’s testicles. Kevin took his brother and hopped into the first car he could find, which was an Uber waiting to pick someone up. Kevin who was now emboldened by seeing the depths of hell within Daniel’s testicles opened the car door and yanked the Uber driver out Grand Theft Auto style and drove himself and his brother as far away as possible. He only hoped Daniel’s testicles would stop growing after the destruction of the hotel.
Unfortunately, Daniel’s testicles did not stop growing. They were now the size of nuclear reactors, as they crushed and killed more people, the faster and larger they grew, causing massive amounts of damage and panic all throughout the city. Armed military personnel were called to put an end to Daniel’s testicles but their attacks proved futile against the strength and constitution of Daniel’s nuts. They grew and crushed the military personnel and all their equipment, which only fueled Daniel’s testicles to grow even more powerful and larger. No one could stop the testicles, not even Daniel himself. He had given up long ago trying to stop his own body from wreaking havoc upon the earth. Suddenly, a great chasm opened up deep within the earth right underneath Daniel’s nuts. They were so massive that the very ground underneath them was giving way. Daniel (and Peter who is still stuck inside him) plummeted into the great chasm. They fell just like that one scene in Lord of the Rings where Gandalf and the Balrog are falling deep into the depths of Khazad-Dum. Daniel’s celestial sized testicles followed suit, they would be crushed by Daniel’s testicles if they somehow survived the fall. The force of Daniel’s ungodly sized testicles reaping through the earth’s core was too much for the planet to bear, the core had begun to split open among many fronts, now tearing into the mantle of the earth. The molten hot magma would be the end for Daniel and Peter, and the rest of the world would be doomed to die in the fiery chasms that split the earth asunder. Daniel remained in a trance, he was no longer Daniel Ash, but just a sentient pair of ever growing testicles. Peter accepted his fate, at least he was able to admit feelings to his best friend and do a bunch of crack before the world ended. As the people of the world took their final breaths, they looked to the sky and saw Daniel’s testicles, like the horsemen of the apocalypse. His testicles grew once more, each one now the size of the moon, and the world was consumed in fire and darkness. Earth was no more, all traces of humanity wiped away thanks to Daniel’s testicles. If only the world knew this could have been avoided if Bauhaus hadn’t decided to reform.