Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

As I am brought to the asylum I will be staying for the foreseeable future, I try to calm myself down from the outburst I had at that blasted mechanical island. Trying to take those fools hostage was an embarrassing mistake; I realise now how I was duped in such a humiliating fashion.

I quietly grumble to myself in my restraints as they continue to profusely dig into my legs and chest, they’ll likely give myself contusions if they aren’t taken off soon.

“BE QUIET BACK THERE!”

I recoil in surprise as one of the men in the anterior of the truck shouts at an admittedly impressive volume. Despite how much I want to tell them how ignorant they are for daring to oppose me, I begrudgingly comply.

Basic survival instinct, mostly. I’d rather not be harmed or injured, so I don’t reply in case they threaten physical punishment.

The journey to the asylum is a painful one, not just because of the incessant restraints rubbing against my body, but also because of the utter silence other than the truck on the road.

Usually, I wouldn’t mind this, I despise small-talk, but the seriousness is akin to night compared to the day that was my time on Pahkitew Island, with a freak-show array of adolescents and legitimately insane challenges.

Don’t get me wrong, I am extremely grateful to be off of that infernal mechanism of a landmass, but the reason I’m not there right now in the first place? This is not how I wanted my parting from the island to take place.

As I contemplate my time back on Pahkitew Island in silence, my mind keeps on returning to him. That little shitstain of a homo sapiens, that pathetic villain wannabe.

Max.

He singlehandedly made me loathe that name. Just thinking about those three letters makes my blood boil hotter than the centre of the sun, which is approximately 15,000,000°C.

He made my time there a living hell with his constant demeaning of my abilities, and stole all of the credit for the inventions and schemes I MADE. He constantly trampled on my ego as if it was an organism in the family blattidae.

As I continuously wallow in my hatred of Max, a new, very different thought crosses my educated mind.

Do I miss him?

HA! That’s preposterous! How on earth could I miss that plum-folliculated parasite? He’s pretty much the bane of my existence. Despite that, the inane thought keeps on returning to my head like a boomerang made of brain matter.

(Mental note: remember that, could potentially be useful.)

Now that I really think about it, the gnome wasn’t SO bad for the first few days after we met. Before he kept on belittling me on national television, I didn’t mind being around him, as I thought he might be smarter and more devious than he actually is.

At that time, he might have been the closest thing to a friend I’ve ever had in my life. I’ve never really wanted to make social bonds of that variety before, as I always prioritised academic achievements over companionship.

However, now that I have experienced some variety of friendship (even if out of necessity), I feel much lonelier than I ever have before. An emptiness that is certainly not helped by the predicament I am in right now.

Speaking of, I have arrived at the place I will be staying against my will. Thinking really made the journey a lot more manageable.

Chapter Text

HOW DARE THEY! These dastardly nincompoops have a lot of gall imprisoning their future master!

No matter, I know I can use my superior intellect to escape sooner rather than later.

A few minutes ago, I tried to scold the big, scary men as they tied me up and threw me like a sack of EVIL potatoes into the back of their truck, but they just ignored my threats.

I repeat, HOW DARE THEY!

My mouth was also fitted with some sort of mask, which makes me unable to speak. I have no idea why anyone would want that, my voice is irresistible.

Right now, I can’t do anything. Attempts at escape are futile, mostly because all of my EVIL inventions have been confiscated from me, and my arms are too short to be of much use.

These fools have no idea how big of a mistake they have made for evoking my wrath, they shall suffer impending doom once I rule the world!

I would usually cackle forth one of my patented EVIL laughs after a sentence like that, but the mask makes me not even consider trying.

I sit in silence for quite a while, thinking very EVIL thoughts, until I start thinking about Pahki-whatever Island.

I should’ve been the one to win the competition, I needed the money to fund my goal of world conquest, fifth place is horrendous! The only ones there now are the zombie guy, his Australian girlfriend, the gymnast chick, and that country cow.

I am the only one who deserves to still be in the game, I worked extremely hard to get to the point I was at. Then my sidekick ruined everything by betraying me.

What was her name? Ah yes, Scarlett.

She is the reason I am here right now, tied up in the back of a truck, heading to who-knows-where.

I never knew how EVIL she actually was, I thought she was just infatuated with my devilishly good looks and just went along with everything I said, not that I would blame her.

I have to say, I am certainly impressed with how villainous Scarlett was back then, even though she did betray and terrify me.. (Never tell ANYONE I just admitted that!)

I have never met anyone with even half the EVILocity of me, but that red-headed villainess certainly comes close to passing that threshold.

Hold on, I’m complimenting the person who betrayed me! What is going on?!

No, there’s no way it’s that. EVIL does not form personal attachments to its underlings!

It would be insane to consider Scarlett a friend after everything she did to me. Betrayal is a low form of EVIL after all.

However, I did also apply to Total Drama to get out of the house and meet new people, and she was the only one who really talked to me outside of challenges. Is that enough to be considered a friend? I don’t really know, I don’t have the experience to tell.

What I am certain of though is that I feel positively NO romantic attraction to Scarlett. Afterall, EVIL does not date, I said it on the show.

Wait, why am I even thinking about that? There should be no doubts in my diabolical mind when it comes to that.

Arghh, that backstabbing sidekick is really messing with my EVIL choo-choo train of thought! Come on Max, think EVIL thoughts!

Sigh… It feels strange not having a sidekick by my side, assisting me with my despicable deeds. I am certain that I don’t actually need a sidekick, but having one for company (and to do less flattering deeds) was a nice change of pace.

I suddenly jolt sideways as the truck I am in violently brakes. I want to tell the imbecilic driver to keep their precious cargo safe, but the mask prevents all efforts.

This rude awakening interrupts my thoughts about Scarlett. Only now do I actually begin to wonder where I am being taken. I don’t believe I was told when I was forced in here, unless they informed me when I was going off about disrespecting the EVIL genius that is me. I wasn’t really listening back then.

My question about my destination is answered soon enough, as the truck pulls up to a gigantic, grey box of a building. There are very few windows, but the few that are present are barred up. It almost looks like a prison, but I didn’t commit any crimes, even if it is in society’s best interest to put me here.

My assumption is proven wrong, however, when I see a large, grey sign on a dark green metal fence surrounding the building. In yellow letters, the sign reads:

VAILLANCOURT JUVENILE ASYLUM

Chapter Text

The truck starts pulling into a building of considerable size largely devoid of colour. Entering the indoor parking lot, I see the name of this establishment for the first time.

Its name is Vaillancourt Juvenile Asylum. The word Vaillancourt is a French surname with a topographical origin, meaning low-lying farm. This must have originated from the founder of the asylum.

The driver of the truck parks at an empty space on the far side from the entrance. He gets out with another man who was in the other front seat, and said man opens one of the back doors and reaches for me.

“Don’t touch me, peon!”

“I have to get you out of here and into the asylum, and we can’t have you running off, can we?” Truth be told, I wasn’t expecting a response as casual as that; that somewhat helped with my nerves.

“Maybe we can. I’d prefer that from being locked up against my will in there.” I point to the building. The man begins to laugh. He actually laughs, like I told the most amusing wisecrack ever heard by human ears. He doesn’t even sound like he’s faking it.

“Are you finished with your immature, poorly-timed bout of cachinnation yet?”

“Huh? Ah, sorry about that, I got a bit carried away.” I rolled my eyes at that, something I do way too often because of people being morons.

“Anyway, I need to take you inside, ma’am, and I don’t want to use physical force.” So he does take his job seriously after all. I let out a long sigh of succumbing and decide to cave in. I am still in my restraints after all, so if I did try to escape I probably wouldn’t make it far.

“Ok, I relent.” Saying that destroys my ego, but I really see no other option. Maybe I could figure something out when I get in.

“Great! I’ll just lead you to the sign-in desk so we can find you a cell.” This is reminding me more of a hotel than an asylum, something seems off about this place. Perhaps it’s simply employing some psychological trick to let my guard down. It could be possible I’m overthinking everything like I usually do, but I’ll remain on the qui vive for now.

The man leads me into the achromatic building. I am immediately greeted with the sight of a long, burgundy hallway lined with dim fluorescent lights. Strangely, there are no doors that fork off of the hallway, the only way is forward.

After we walk for approximately 39 seconds, the end of the hallway comes into sight. It’s the first door I’ve seen since the entrance. The man opens the door for me since I can’t use my arms in the restraints. My body feels like it’s being compressed by a boa constrictor; I wouldn’t be surprised if half of it was mauve and sore by the time they’re removed.

As we traipse into the room behind the door, I immediately catch sight of several people. Most of these people I presume to be fellow inmates of this asylum, as the majority of them don’t appear to be in a right state of mind. All of them are wearing strange, blue and green striped outfits, which I deduce to be some sort of uniform. While I am definitely not as into fashion as most women my age, even I can tell that these uniforms would be considered a “Fashion Disaster” by a professional.

The only person not wearing these poor excuses for clothes is a middle-age woman, most likely in her early forties. She is sitting behind a mahogany desk, with papers and other usual office supplies scattered untidily atop it. This clutter makes me physically sick, I tolerate no less than a spotless work environment so that no distractions are present.

The man walks towards the woman’s desk with me in tow and starts talking to her.

“Hey Rachael, I got Scarlett Cyr here, that girl who tried to blow up an island on Total Drama.”

“I already have files on Scarlett, you don’t have to tell me who she is, Davon.” She turns towards me, seemingly gripping onto something I can’t quite see.

“Ok, Davon here will shortly be taking you to your cell, where you will live with four other members of Vaillancourt Juvenile Asylum.” Ugh, I’ll have to live with people with psychological trauma and questionable mental states, this could prove quite unsafe. I guess my time on Pahkitew Island turned out to not be a complete waste of time after all, half of the imbeciles there would fit right in here.

“We’ll provide a uniform in your size sometime tomorrow, and you will be given a schedule for activities that you can participate in here. Some are mandatory though.” Activities? What does she mean by that? I have a very strong feeling I should be wary of this place.

“Ok, that’s everything I need to tell you right now. Davon, lead Scarlett to room 3CJ.” Davon tells me to follow him, and I comply, because I still see no convenient methods of escape. We start walking towards a door on the north - or right - side of the room, when I hear Rachael call out to me again.

“Wait! I almost forgot to tell you, but your room will have something familiar to you in it. It’s to help with settling in.” Like that wasn’t obvious. I do wonder what this familiar thing could be though. Perhaps my chemistry set? No, they wouldn’t let me get my hands on that. Some of my furniture? That would most certainly be familiar to me, but I doubt they would make the effort to do something like that. I’ll know for certain when I get there, and that shan’t be too long.

After that interruption, Davon turns back around and starts leading me to my predetermined living quarters. The walk is awkward and silent, but I don’t want it any other way. We reach a tall stairwell, with tall, blue gates preventing anyone from jumping off of them. On the climb up, I notice a couple inmates loitering; they both turn to see me with starstruck expressions. Do they recognise me from Total Drama? I hope not, that would be a catastrophe.

Once we reach the fourth floor, Davon takes me to a wide hallway marked with a large capital C. This is probably the most variegated part of the asylum I’ve been to so far, although that isn’t exactly an accomplishment. The walls of the hall are a vivid orange, with multiple lavender lines in a sine wave pattern. The corridor is situated with doors facing opposite from each other every fifteen metres or so. Several more seconds of silent sauntering go by until Devon suddenly stops.

“Ok Scarlett, we’re here, this is your room. Your roommates are Susan Lee, Maximillian Goodwin, Graham Oleszczak, and Paula Hernandez.” Maximilian? No, the chances of it being him are ridiculously small. I could probably calculate the probability if I was in almost any other situation. Other than that, none of the names stick out to me too much. I try to scratch my arm, when I remember that I am trapped in restraints. These need to come off as soon as possible.

“When am I getting out of these restraints? I don’t think my legs are receiving enough oxygen.”

“Oh, right! I’ll take that off, then head straight into your room, no doing anything out of line.” Devon reaches towards my back and fiddles with the restraints. After a few seconds, they fall off of my body. The amount of release I feel is like I’m in heaven. I usually wouldn’t make a comparison like that, but I feel like it’s the only way I can get across how amazing the feeling truly is.

Devon takes a keyring out of his pocket and fiddles with it for a couple seconds, probably trying to find the key to my room. He swiftly does and unlocks the door. I mentally prepare myself for this new life inside of an asylum I shouldn’t even qualify for, and to greet my new roommates. I pray to Isaac Newton that they don’t turn out to be insufferable.

I open the door to my room, and am met with a tiny hallway with five doors in it, one for each person. I knock on the first one on my left to ask whomever is inside about my living conditions.

“What do you want?” That sounds like him. That actually sounds like Max. There’s still no way that’s him, though, that would just be too improbable.

“I just arrived here, I want to know which room is unoccupied.”

“Scarlett?! Is that you?”

No. No no no no please tell me I’m having some sadistic nightmare. This can not be happening! I can not live with this dolt any longer, I need to get out! Damn you, Isaac Newton!

Chapter Text

“Scarlett?! Is that you?”’

I can’t believe it. I’m here with my sidekick! Former sidekick? Doesn’t matter, there’s already someone I know here, which means my message of EVIL is already present in the minds of one of these fools. I still don’t think my other roommates quite understand what a menace I truly am quite yet, but I’ll show them soon enough!

“Max? Are you behind this? Did you want to torment me so desperately that you somehow managed to get us locked up in the same asylum?” She thinks I’m behind this! While I’m flattered, I have nothing to do with this. It must be fate, EVIL fate!

“Absolutely not, sideki-”

“DON’T YOU DARE CALL ME SIDEKICK!!!” I back towards the wall furthest from the door in fear. That voice, it’s so terrifying, yet so…

Diabolical. How did I miss the pure EVIL inside of Scarlett for so long?

I hear one of the doors open up, followed by hulking footsteps. The only one of my roommates who can make steps that loud is Paula.

She was the first one of them I met when I arrived here a couple hours ago. She has very short, black hair, and towers over me. She also has incredibly defined muscles. Paula would make an excellent henchwoman, if not for the fact that she scares me. I don’t know why she’s in here, but she’s probably done some very messed up stuff, which I respect.

“What’s the big idea? Who are you?” She must be talking to Scarlett. She probably can’t defend herself from Paula though, I must assist my sidekick! I open the door to my room and walk out into the hallway where Scarlett and Paula are.

“This is Scarlett, my si- uh, friend!”

“I. Am. Not. Your. Friend.” Oh. I was sort of hoping that Scarlett would be willing to work with me again, even without being a sidekick. I can’t let her escape my grasp though, someone as EVIL as her doesn’t appear often. Also, that was harsh!

“Wait, do you two know each other?” I was about to say a whole speech with exposition of our backstory until Scarlett interrupted me.

“Unfortunately, we do. We met on a reality show and pretty much stuck together in an alliance of sorts. HE drove me insane though because of his perpetual insistence that he’s an evil mastermind. He’s about as evil as a labrador retriever.” HOW DARE SHE!

“Hey, I’ll have you know that I am the most despicable person you will ever meet! I WILL be your master one day!” I hear Scarlett mumble something, probably apologising for her nonsensical claim that I am not EVIL. I am certainly EVIL!

“I accept your apology si- Scarlett.” It’s going to be very hard to get used to calling Scarlett by her actual name. I don’t want her to shout at me again, that was very scary.

“And what’s your name?”

“Paula. As long as you don’t mess with me or my Susan, I’ll leave you alone.”

I don’t know much about Susan, she’s only come out of her room once since I arrived. She’s this super skinny asian girl, only a little taller than me. Apparently she’s Paula’s girlfriend or something, even though they seem like complete opposites. Love, what a complete waste of time.

“And where’s Graham?” That’s actually a good question, I haven’t seen him at all.

“He’s at one of those activities. He doesn’t tell me what he’s doing though, he usually tells me that he ‘doesn’t want to be followed by some cameraman.’ Don’t know what’s up with him.”

“What’s up with you?” Paula glares at me like I stuck gum in her hair or performed some other EVIL act instead of asking a reasonable question.

“None of your fucking business, pipsqueak.”

“Yes, ma’am!” See how terrifying she is? Scarlett suddenly clears her throat.

“Anyway, I WAS going to ask which of these accommodations is not yet occupied before I met Max.”

“The only empty room is the one next to mine. We can be neighbours of EVIL, mwa ha ha ha ha!” Scarlett groaned for some reason, even though living next to me is one of the biggest honours imaginable.

“Well, I’m going to go into my room. Do NOT bother me. Looking at you, Max.” For such an EVIL individual, Scarlett has quite the attitude. I can’t entirely blame her though, I was quite upset when I first arrived too.

Since I’m still brand new, there isn’t much I can do right now. None of the so-called activities are available for me to do right now, I have to be ‘settled in’ before I can actually do anything. I lay on my mattress on the floor, as there are no proper beds. EVIL deserves better than this, but EVIL has no means of improving its sleeping arrangements. At least the bed I slept in in the treehouse got me used to poor mattresses.

The rest of my room isn’t much better, just concrete walls painted a light brown, with a small walled off area containing a toilet. Surprisingly enough, they’re proper toilets, not just holes in the floor. I guess this place could be worse.

I’m SO bored though. There’s nothing to do at all since I can’t leave. I could talk to one of my roommates, but none of them want to be bothered at the moment. I guess I can just think about things for now.

I really can’t believe Scarlett is here, my sidekick! Is she my sidekick now? She clearly doesn’t want to be for some reason, even though it’s the highest possible honour I can bestow. Why could this be? I thought we worked together so well, electrocuting that fairy girl was such an EVIL move I admittedly couldn’t pull off on my own.

When did it go wrong? Maybe I should ask her, because I really want to work with her again. I’ve had a few other sidekicks in the past, but none of them were willing to help me with my schemes. It’s like they were just working with me for the title of being my sidekick! But Scarlett, she helped me, she gave me ideas. I refused to admit it to her face because I wanted the credit for those ploys. I’ve always had trouble complimenting people.

Aside from that, why am I here? I do NOT belong in an asylum, I am completely sane! Being EVIL does not make you crazy. They must have recognised me as a threat to society, but since they couldn’t arrest me, they put me in the looney bin instead. What an insult to my superior mind!

I look out through the singular barred window in my room, and I see that the sky is almost pitch black. How on earth did it get dark so quickly? I am feeling pretty tired, so I should be going night-nights about now. Hopefully I’ll be able to ask Scarlett tomorrow about what happened.

Time to go to sleep, EVIL will prevail tomorrow…

Chapter Text

Uggh, I did not sleep well.

My first night here was not exactly pleasant, the lone mattress I slept on is probably worse than the ones back at Pahkitew Island, and they weren’t exactly the pinnacle of comfort.

Luckily, none of my roommates bothered me, including Max. I’m surprised he didn’t want to invade my privacy and come up with some immature ‘evil scheme’ to break out of here. I should be glad that he didn’t pester me, but a part of me wishes that I could talk to someone. I don’t want to be the one to make the first move, since I don’t want to admit weakness to Max or the others.

I’ve really sunk, haven’t I? Just a couple days ago I was so sure I was going to win that million, until I took an opportunity that seemed irresistible. Why should I risk any mistakes in the competition when I could just take them hostage and bargain for the money in return?

If I didn’t take my glasses off in a display of arrogance, I probably wouldn’t be here. Because of my subpar eyesight, the Chris-Bot those morons used to fool me resembled the real Mclean, and I underestimated their abilities to think of such a ploy. Luckily I kept my glasses and didn’t just throw them away, so I have them on right now.

Knock knock knock

That better not be Max, I don’t want to deal with him just after I woke up.

“S-s-Scarlett? Are y-you awake yet?” I don’t recognise that voice. It’s feminine in nature and it’s not Paula’s, so it most likely pertains to Susan.

“Yes, I just reawoke from a deep slumber, although I am not yet fully revitalised.”

“W-w-well, your new uniform was j-just dropped off, a-and you have to w-w-wear it as soon as p-possible.” I forgot about the uniforms, I was too focused on my own thoughts to remember everything. Interestingly, Susan seems to have some sort of alalia literalis.

“I’ll be out momentarily.” I rub the sleep out of my eyes and put my glasses on. I open the door and see Susan in front of me for the first time.

The first thing I notice about her is her diminutive stature. She appears to be barely taller than Max. She also seems to be dangerously svelte, almost anorexic in nature. As expected, Susan appears to be of East Asian heritage, with messy black hair. Of course, she is wearing the hideous uniform, and is holding mine too.

“S-s-sorry to bother y-you Scarlett, but your u-uniform was delivered here a c-c-couple hours ago.” She hands me the grotesque pile of clothing in her hands. I’d really rather not wear this.

“Much obliged. One question, though. Why are we required to wear these garments as opposed to clothing we’d usually don?”

“I d-don’t really know why, I j-j-just assume that they’re l-like some p-prison uniform.” That question was of no use then.

“I r-really need to g-go now, the voices are m-m-making me go back the my room.” Susan quickly darts off into her room, the one at the end of the hall. Her comments about voices are mildly troubling, but I assume it’s just a case of schizophrenia. That alone wouldn’t usually put someone into an asylum though, there’s possibly more going on with Susan. Best not to confront someone about why they’re here, although Max seems to disagree going off of what he said to Paula yesterday.

I go back into my room to reluctantly change into the clownesque costume Susan gave me. I swiftly take off my regular clothing, a trick I learnt to quickly change into disguises, and put the uniform on. Shockingly, it’s actually quite comfortable. I don’t know how they know what size clothes I wear, but it all fits. Unfortunately, the pants do not have any pockets to speak of, likely so a weapon can’t be concealed so easily.

After my outfit change, there isn’t much to do. I can’t do any of those ‘activities’ yet, I don’t even think I’m allowed to leave this room for the time being. My mind needs to be distracted by something, to be stimulated. The monotony of the situation I’m in is overwhelming as I refuse to reflect on past experiences any longer.

In simple terms, I’m bored.

KNOCK KNOCK

Another visitor?

“Sidekick! Let me in at once!” Oh joy. Just because I’m so bored, I’ll humour him, no other reason.

“Come in, Max.” He enters my room. I immediately see that Max is also wearing the same uniform that I am. If it wasn’t for his purple hair, I’d tell him he looks like a leprechaun. I barely hold back a snicker.

“What’s so funny, sidekick?” That immediately makes me stop laughing.

“I thought I told you to stop calling me sidekick.” I make sure to add as much venom in my voice as I can muster.

“Oh yeah, sorry Scarlett…” It’s astounding how quickly Max can turn from an egomaniac to a surprisingly polite person with some discipline.

“Why are you here, Max? If it’s about partnering up again, I am NOT making that mistake twice.” I notice Max’s face fall slightly after saying that. I know I shouldn't be sympathetic towards him at all, but a tiny part of me feels a little bad for him. He sighs deeply.

“Why don’t you want to be my sidekick? We worked so well together!”

“You never gave me any credit for the schemes I came up with or assisted you with. Also, the title of sidekick is demeaning towards me.” I just want this conversation to be over, I shouldn't have given him a chance.

“You could’ve just asked me to not call you sidekick.” He starts to pout like a toddler, surprisingly fitting with Max’s stature.

“I knew you wouldn’t have listened, you almost never did.”

“That’s not true at all! I listened to you when you came up with those brilliant ideas! I was willing to change your title if you asked.”

What. Did he just call MY ideas brilliant?

“Since when did you give out accolades to anyone but yourself?” I smirk since I knew I caught Max in a trap. He also seems to realise that. He sighs again, and displays a type of weakness I have never seen before on his porcine face.

“I knew you were the one to come up with those schemes. I’ve always had a hard time giving credit to people. I was pretty much jealous of you for being the one to concoct such EVIL ploys.” By the time he was done talking, he was sitting on the floor, avoiding eye-contact with me.

Truthfully, I have no idea what to say to that. I never thought I would see Max of all people admitting he was wrong. Maybe he’s not the vile creature I thought he was.

“Look, Max… Since I am feeling rather merciful, I will give you one chance to work with me, JUST ONE. We will either be equals, or YOU will be MY sidekick. I’m sure you are more inclined to the former, though. If you mess up, you will not want to deal with the consequences.” Max looks back up at me. His eyes are glistening, almost like he’s about to burst into tears. He runs over to me and envelops me in an unwanted hug.

“Thank you, Scarlett! You have no idea how much that means to me!”

“Max. Get off. Don’t make me regret this already.” He hastily lets go of me.

“Oops… Sorry Si-Scarlett.” He awkwardly laughs.

I hope I haven’t made the wrong decision.

Chapter Text

This is excellent news!

I have finally managed to get Scarlett back onto the side of EVIL alongside me. Unfortunately, she refuses to be my sidekick, so now we have to work as ‘equals’. BLEGH! I am willing to make some sacrifices to appease Scarlett however, so equals we are.

I don’t know what draws me towards Scarlett so much. Ok, that’s a lie, it's her EVILocity! Picturing the moment she revealed her true colours still gives me the tummy wonkies, but not only in fear for some reason. I can’t quite pin down what else I’m feeling though, it’s a very new experience to me.

Right now, I still have nothing to do. None of my roommates want to be graced by my EVIL presence right now, and those blasted ‘activities’ still aren’t available to me. I’m starting to question if they even exist!

Knock knock knock

A visitor? How delightful! I open the door and am greeted by a tall balding man wearing a guard’s uniform.

“Have you finally realised your mistake in trapping your EVIL overlord inside this dirty place?” The guard sighs for some reason, even though I forced my EVIL onto him. He should be cowering in fear!

“No, I’m here to tell you that activities are available for you to attend as of this moment. To introduce you to them, the first one is mandatory.” He looks at a piece of paper he’s holding. “I just need to fetch Scarlett Cyr, then follow me down to one of the activity rooms.”

Finally, a cure for my boredom! And Scarlett’s coming too! We can experience our first activity together.

The guard knocks on Scarlett’s door, and tells her the same thing he told me.

“Ok you two, follow me.” The guard walks down the hallway towards a staircase with us following him.

“What do you think this so-called ‘activity’ will be?” I don’t have a clue what we’ll be doing.

“It will presumably be an ill-disguised attempt at rehabilitating us into being less ‘evil’ individuals.” Was that English? I give Scarlett a confused look, which she sighs in response to.

“They’re probably going to make us do therapy so we’re less ‘evil’.” Oh no they do NOT!

“HOW DARE THEY!!!” The guard turns around holding a small device.

“Cram it or I’ll tase you!” I immediately settle down.

“Yes sir!” I can’t believe this! They better not attempt to make me less EVIL! Hopefully Scarlett is wrong about her prediction.

After a couple minutes of walking, we finally reach the staircase. The guard tells us that the room we are supposed to go in is at the very bottom of the stairs. More uneventful walking later, we are around half way down to where we are going until a male inmate approaches us.

“Oh wow! Are you Max and Scarlett from Total Drama?” I knew my charisma would gain me fans! It even appears that some of it rubbed off onto Scarlett.

“The very same! We are the most diabolical minds to ever be on that infernal show!”

“I would prefer we do not dwell on the trainwreck that was Pahkitew Island. Let’s just go to the activity room before we are hounded by any more desperate fans.” Scarlett is sometimes such a spoil-sport, but I do want to go to the activity room.

“Very well then Scarlett. We must continue on our way!”

Another couple minutes go by, and we are nearing the bottom. It has gotten quite dark now and I’m kind of scared.

“It’s quite spooky down here isn’t it, Scarlett? EVIL is not a fan of the dark!” She moans and comes closer to me.

“Good idea, Scarlett! You can scare any monsters down here off with your EVIL while guarding mine! You have my gratitude.” She giggles in response, which I find very strange. I don’t think I’ve ever heard her laugh like that, but I prefer it from her usual attitude.

“Scarlett, Max, this is the activity room. You go through the door, and I’ll collect you two once you’re finished. It should take about half an hour.” The door the guard mentioned is quite tall, and made of old wood, very different from everything else I’ve seen so far. It almost looks like something you’d find in a haunted house. Scarlett opens the door and lets me in after her.

“Oh, wow.” We both say at the same time in response to the room we are seeing. The walls are very tall and made of stone, with a high ceiling. Most of the room is pitch black, except for a small area in the middle. There are three people there dressed in maroon robes, surrounding a stone table with something on it. This place is terrifying!

“I don’t like this place very much, Scarlett. It gives me the heeby-jeebies!” Scarlett seems to nod in agreement.

“Despite your infantile language, I actually have to agree somewhat. This auditorium is rather uncanny.” I can hear some shakiness in her usually firm voice.

Both of us approach the centre of the room and I begin to smell something foul. How dare such an awful scent grace my EVIL nostrils! I plug my nose, but Scarlett just pulls a face from the stench. As we come close to the table, one of the people surrounding it begins to say something in a feminine, yet spine-chilling voice.

“Welcome Max, welcome Scarlett. This is your first activity of hopefully many more to come. There is no need to be afraid, we aren’t going to hurt you.” That just makes me more worried! “Come closer and we will explain your task.”

As we get a bit closer, I can finally see what is on the table. A dead llama. What in the world is wrong with this place!? It must have been the source of the foul smell. I can see Scarlett is also surprised, but she also seems to have a small smile. Does she enjoy this? I hope not!

We finally stop walking when the llama corpse is right in front of us. One of the other people starts talking to us in a slightly less creepy feminine voice.

“Your job is to set this offering on fire to appease Kruphtlaff, so that we may live without the threat of impending disease concerning us for another day.” I have nothing to say. In my sixteen years of EVIL rule, I have never heard anything as utterly bonkers as that! Scarlett raises her hand.

“Yes, Scarlett?”

“May I ask about this supposed ‘Kruphtlaff’ entity?” I also want to know. Are they EVIL too? It seems like it from what they said. I may have a rival!

“Of course. Kruphtlaff is our protector. He keeps us safe from harm outside our wonderful facilities. All we have to do is set ablaze to an offering so that he gets the energy to protect us. We make our inmates perform the offerings so that they can learn of Kruphtlaff and his words of wisdom up close and personal.” That is a lot to take in. It seems that Kruphtlaff is not EVIL, which I’m not sure is a good or bad thing.

I can see one of Scarlett’s eyes twitching, she must be stressed from the information dump. She tries to keep a smile on her face, but she just looks like she’s about to snap. For some reason, she looks… really good like this.

“A-a-affirmative.” I wish I could comfort Scarlett in some way, but now is definitely not the time.

“Alright, which one of you wants to have the honours of starting the ritual?” I don’t think Scarlett in the state she’s in right now and fire would mix well, so I should probably do it.

“I will! EVIL is a fan of setting things on fire! Maybe not animals so much, but there’s no harm trying something new.” The only person who hasn’t spoken yet sets a torch on fire and passes it to me. I take a deep breath through my mouth to prepare myself, and bring the fire towards the corpse.

The flames spread onto the body and begin to attach to it. The bad smell already in the room is replaced by a somehow worse stench, probably from the burning flesh. I desperately want to turn away from the gory sight, but I can’t help but stare at it. The scene in front of me screams EVIL, but I don’t feel the usual satisfaction that performing EVIL actions bring.

Me and Scarlett continue to stare in silence at the burning llama, now about half turned to ash. I can see its organs and bones now, but I still cannot look away, even though I’m starting to feel sick from the sight. I’ve always been a bit squeamish. Scarlett has barely moved at all, although her eye has now stopped twitching.

After who-knows-how-long, the flames have finally died out, leaving ash and bones behind. The robed person who gave me the torch speaks for the first time in a deep voice.

“The offering has ended. You can now return to your rooms. We hope to see you attend more activities.” Fat chance of that! I think I’ve been scarred for life from that… experience.

I start to walk towards the entrance of the room, but Scarlett does not follow.

“Scarlett?” She doesn’t respond. “Scarlett?!” Still nothing. “Ok, I’m going to take you back to our room myself.” I grab her hand and start pulling her to the door. She finally starts walking.

As we exit the room, the same guard from earlier immediately spots us holding hands.

“Protecting your girlfriend from the scary stuff in there?” Scarlett? Girlfriend?

“She is NOT my girlfriend! Scarlett is just refusing to walk without me, I think she’s broken.” I wave in front of her face. “Hello? Anyone in there?” Scarlett shakes her head to refocus herself.

“We’re in a cult.” I can barely hear her whisper. Now that I think about it, this does sound like a cult. I don’t know what to think of this right now, although I probably should be worried.

“You gonna be okay? I’m here for you if you need me.” Being sincere does not come naturally to me, but I try my best to comfort Scarlett. I may be EVIL, but I do have a heart. She slightly nods.

“Let’s go back.”

“Agreed.”

Chapter Text

Ohmygodohmygodohmygod

This cannot be reality! I must be in some sort of fever induced dream, or in a very vivid nightmarish hallucination. It shouldn’t be possible for a cult to be recognised as an official institution for mental health! What the FUCK is happening?!

Calm down, Scarlett, calm down. Inhale. Exhale. Inha-

Cough cough

I can’t regain composure. Not after such a disturbing revelation. I think my mental wellbeing is worse than when I was forced into here! What an asylum this is.

I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I am so thankful for Max right now. I don’t have the faculties to walk or talk right now, so he’s gently dragging me back to our room. His palm is surprisingly smooth and comforting. I’ve heard him talking to me a few times so far, but I haven’t been able to process his words. However, I can tell from his tone of voice that he’s trying to be reassuring. Probably failing, but trying nonetheless.

Max takes me into what is probably our room, and gently sets me down onto a mattress. He says something again, although I still haven’t achieved equanimity quite yet so I can’t understand him. Why doesn’t he hate me? I’m sure everyone else from Pahkitew Island hates me now, but Max is different for some reason. I can’t believe that such a cockroach would be able to comprehend the concept of sympathy. I still don’t like him, but I could perhaps be a little more lenient.

I still can’t get that dreadful experience out of my cranium. I refuse to be part of a cult.

NOT AGAIN.

The memories of my pitiful past come back to me like a tsunami. Flashbacks of traumatic rituals I only half-remember, the cause of the trident shaped scar on my upper dorsum, and my parents’ sadistic endorsement of it all. It’s too much. I need to let it all out.

I burst into a pitiful display of tears and envelop Max in a tight embrace. I don’t care if I still don’t like the fiend, I need someone who might have any chance of caring about me. I feel Max give a softer embrace back, confirming my hopes to be true. Max might be the very first person in my life to genuinely care about me, even if only a little. That’s pathetic.

I can feel myself swiftly calming down, my breathing is becoming more stable, and my thoughts aren’t drowning me quite as much. For the first time in what feels like hours, I can hear Max’s nasally voice.

“Scarlett? Have you finally unbroken yourself? Just speak, please.” His voice is full of desperation, he’s probably been trying to vie for my attention for some time now. It contrasts greatly with his otherwise arrogant and whiny voice.

“Why did you console me?” I want to know why Max of all people would be willing to bring solace to me when no one else in my life has.

“Why on earth wouldn’t I? Sure, I am EVIL, but you are my friend, and you were very, uh… sad.” My feelings are very mixed on Max’s claim that I am his ‘friend', but I still have gratitude for him.

“Well, thank you Max.”

“You are welcome, Scarlett. Knock on my door if you want to talk to me again, I’ll be-”

Knock knock

Who could that be? I’m not entirely sure if I want visitors right now, but I’ll let them in anyway. Max grabs the door as if he telepathically read my thoughts.

The person I see is a rather tall, skinny caucasian man with dirty blond hair in the inmate’s uniform. He must be Graham, the only roommate I haven’t met until now. He’s fidgeting with his hands a lot, and is wearing an incredibly nervous expression on his face. He almost resembles Shawn from the Island in demeanour. Max seems confused at Graham’s presence, so he’s probably never crossed paths with him either.

“Can we help you?” Max speaks first with obvious discomfort in his voice.

“The cameras will catch your tears, just like they capture our every other move! I warn you to never look into them. You will be better off that way!” That was… highly outlandish.

“What on earth are you talking about?! We’re not being recorded.” Max is even more uncomfortable to the point of looking like a Tolkien-esque creature.

“Aha, that’s what they WANT you to think! The five of us are always being watched by cameras for a reality show, all of our actions are being observed by the judging public!” I think I could make an amateur diagnosis of Graham’s psyche. Truman Show Disorder. While not an officially recognised mental disorder, Truman Show Disorder is characterised by the sufferer having delusions of their life being part of a reality show. Quite a fascinating topic.

“We’re not in a reality show, you nincompoop! I think you need a reality check!” That was actually quite witty of Max. I giggle at his admittedly humourous wisecrack and quickly think of my own addition.

“Perhaps he’s actually right, Max. I wouldn’t put it past Mclean to record us in here as some sort of sadistic spin-off show.” Max practically explodes in laughter, but abruptly stops as suddenly as he began.

“Wait… Could that genuinely be possible? Is this just Chris’ punishment for YOUR crime? If this is, he will PAY!” That is actually a fair point. Especially the part about Chris paying.

“Listen, I don’t know who this ‘Chris’ person is, but you have to take me seriously! We are being-”

“OUT!!!” Max practically shoves Graham out of the room and slams the door in his face. He looks highly exasperated and a bit creeped out.

“Thank all that is EVIL that that buffoon is out, I couldn’t handle his general sweatiness any longer!” How repugnant.

“That’s gross, Max. Just like you.” I smirk at that half-joking quip in his general direction.

“Hey! I always make sure to keep my hygiene in perfect condition, thank you very much!” Sure he does. I bet he bathes with rubber ducks.

“Why did you suddenly kick Graham out of here? He wasn’t exactly insulting your evilness.”

“He was just… giving me the willies with his crazy talk. Do you think that this has been set up by Chris and we’re on camera?” Hmm.

“I wouldn’t put it past that conniving egomaniac. I could check for hidden cameras, I know a few things about setting spying equipment up. Uh, don’t ask.” I put hidden cameras and other tracking equipment in the homes of people who have wronged me. I know Chris, and possibly Max is certainly going to receive that treatment once I’m out of here.

“Alright then, I’m gonna go back to my room to leave you to do that. EVIL needs time to think about what happened today. Eugghh…” Fair enough. Max leaves me to my devices. Now I need to search my room for any hidden cameras. This should be easy since the room is so sparse. Not many hiding places.

First I check the mattress, scrutinising every minute detail for tiny lenses, but I do not find any of the sort. Next, I check the walls, although they wouldn’t usually be a good place to hide a camera. I might as well be thorough. I still find nothing.

The only place there could be a camera is the lavatory. There better be nothing in there otherwise the pervert who set it up will regret it for the coming decade. I enter the small walled-off area and conduct a final search and thankfully find nothing. I believe that there are no cameras recording us, thank god. I’ll tell Max and possibly Graham whenever I run into them next. I doubt the latter will believe me since he’s so caught up in his delusions.

Sigh

I still can’t get over it. The sheer unlikelihood of this occurring again in my life. I need to sleep it off, I don’t care if the sun is still out.

I need to get out of this cult.

Chapter Text

I’ve been feeling very strange recently.

The only people I am supposed to care about are myself, my parents, and the children I babysit, but I think that this list has grown. I have recently been viewing Scarlett in a different light, one that is alien to me. I can’t help but feel like my EVIL was blocking something from my view until now.

I pace around my cramped room trying to clear my brilliant head, to make sense of these new thoughts, but my EVIL mind can’t make sense of anything! This is unacceptable! Scarlett is some sort of enigma to me, one that I feel like I need to protect. I’m still concerned about her, she was acting so strange earlier, so unScarlett-like.

I glance at the tear stains on my outfit she left. What could upset a mind as EVIL as hers in the way it did? I’m sure I could destroy whatever, or whoever it may be. Would I really do that for Scarlett? Am I that desperate for her affection for a reason beyond my own knowledge? I don’t really know. That’s the honest answer.

I need to talk to someone about this. I obviously can’t tell Scarlett, and Paula and Graham scare me, so I think I’m gonna ask if Susan might know what’s wrong with me. I hope she will actually be willing to help me. If she isn’t, I will evoke my EVIL wrath onto her until she complies!

I exit my room and knock on what I am pretty sure is her door, the one at the end of the hallway. A few seconds later, she hesitantly opens it up. She seemingly has a hopeful expression but it falls when she sees me. How could one be disappointed to see me of all people?

“M-max? What do y-y-you want?” Oh yeah, she has an obnoxious stutter. I forgot. This is not going to be fun.

“I need your assistance with figuring out thoughts I am having about my partner. Despite my EVIL and brilliant mind, I can’t wrap my head around her.” Ugh, I don’t like admitting weakness to people, it topples my EVIL persona, but I have to if I want to resolve this mystery.

“Scarlett?” Who else would it be, you nincompoop! That’s what I want to say, but I decide not to in case it hurts her fragile ego and she refuses to help me.

“Exactly! She’s been acting very strange since we went to our first activity.” Her eyes go as wide as open umbrellas as I say that, and she practically pulls me inside her room. It appears to be mostly the same as mine and Scarlett’s, except for a few scribbles in what I hope is not blood on the walls.

“D-d-did you see it? The a-activity room?”

“The big hall with the dead llama?”

“It was a l-llama this time? Y-yes, that one. I should probably t-t-tell you a c-couple things about this p-place.” This isn’t what I came here for, but this could be useful information for when I concoct a brilliant scheme to escape this horrid place! I sit on the hard ground to prepare for whatever Susan is going to tell me. She looks like she’s about to start, but her mouth just hangs open like a trapdoor over a pool filled with sharks.

“Well? Go on then! I don’t have all day!” She still doesn’t speak. I’m starting to get fed up. What is taking her-

“This p-place is a cult.” Well that was an anticlimactic reveal.

“I already know that! Tell me something that isn’t obvious!” Susan looks at me with some sort of perplexed and annoyed face. Did she really expect me not to realise that this is a cult?

“How d-d-did you figure it out s-so quickly?” Is everyone in here a giant idiot? How could they not immediately realise it?

“Because this place is creepy? I don’t know, it was quite obvious!” I don’t want to admit that Scarlett was the one to point it out to me. Susan is still staring at me with confusion. I’d rather get back to the topic of Scarlett instead of this.

“Anyway… This is not what I came here for, EVIL does not have its time wasted discussing trivial matters! I came here to discuss Scarlett’s strange behaviour!” Susan seems quite relieved to move on too, as she stops shaking so much.

“F-f-fine. What is she d-doing that is so s-strange? And why did you c-c-come to me?”

“Paula and Graham kind of freak me out a little…” Her face transforms into a large scowl, and her voice becomes more threatening.

“Do NOT t-talk about Paulie like that.” I can see her fists visibly clench very hard. I made her mad by telling her that her girlfriend is scary? That’s just sad. Also Paulie? What sort of name is that?

“Ok, jeez… Let’s get back to Scarlett! After we did our first activity together, she broke down crying right in front of me. In case you didn’t know, she is EVIL! Not as EVIL as me of course, but still EVIL nonetheless. What could make her freak out like she did?” I’ll be honest, I’m not expecting much to come from this. Susan puts on a deep frown as she’s thinking about what I said.

“I have n-n-no idea why sh-she would do that. I d-don’t know her well enough t-t-to know why she d-did that.” Sigh… Just as I expected. These morons are useless! I know what she said makes sense, but I just want an answer so badly!

“Of course you wouldn’t know, why did I even come to you in the first place? I’m leaving.” With that, I exit Susan’s room and am about to enter my own, when I hear the familiar sound of the lunch bell.

In this horrid place, we get two meals a day, usually of something like gruel or some other unknown paste. They are absolutely rancid! If food could be EVIL, this would be it. Nothing important usually happens at these meals to me. I just sit with Scarlett and we usually eat in silence, sometimes talking about the disgusting food.

Following the sound of the bell, a voice from an intercom this place apparently has appears.

“Everyone from Sector C must report to this meal. We have a special presentation to show you.” Sector C is the part of the building our room is at. According to Paula, only people with some sort of self-awareness about their condition are put here. I’d say that doesn’t describe Graham very well, but I’ve only met him once.

I see many people quickly exit out of the different rooms in the hallway, including our own room. I see Scarlett and approach her, whilst trying to avoid Paula and Susan.

“Hello, Scarlett. Did you find any hidden cameras in your room? If you did, Chris will suffer my wrath!”

“No Max, I did not find anything of the sort.” That’s good to know.

“That is excellent.”

We keep on walking towards the dining hall, when a smell hits my nose. Usually you cannot smell anything from outside the hall, but not only is an odour present, but it smells great! The food has always smelled quite gross, so this is very different from usual. EVIL has not had good food since it first landed on the Island! My tummy is making very loud noises in response to the amazing smell. I look at Scarlett and can tell she smells it too, her eyes are clearly wide with hunger.

“What on earth is that amazing smell?” I’m drooling now.

“I can’t fathom what it may be, but that delectable aroma is making my famished self go absolutely crayyyyzy…” Scarlett must be even hungrier than I am! I swear I can hear some sort of foul beast come from inside her. I am quite impressed.

As we get to the doors of the dining hall, which are being watched by guards, I see it.

Plates upon plates upon PLATES of some of the best looking turkey I have EVER seen! Food that is worthy of EVIL! I can feel the giant hole in my stomach pleading for food even more now. Scarlett seems equally shocked and delighted at the glorious sight as I am, her jaw is practically on the floor.

I really should be asking why the food is suddenly so great, but I don’t care one bit. I have needed actual food for about two weeks now.

Me and Scarlett approach the seats we usually sit in, near the back of the hall. As we sit down, I am about to dig in, when Scarlett suddenly beats me to the punch, pretty much tearing her food apart like a wild animal. I admit that I do like my food a lot, but I am much more civilised than that! Being EVIL means that I have an image to maintain.

“Scarlett, maybe you should slow down, people are staring.” She doesn’t even look up. “Scarlett! Stop eating like a pig and show some common decency!” She finally stops gorging herself and looks at me with an EVIL glare once again. Wow…

“...Fine.” The stare stops and she goes back to eating, this time at a more normal pace. Wait. I have my own food! How could I forget?

I begin to eat the delicious feast in front of me. I simply cannot describe how amazing it is. My compliments go out to the chef!

As we finish up, I hear the intercom turn back on.

“All inmates from Sector C must stay in the dining hall for a few more minutes for a special announcement. It has to do with your… improved provisions.” The loud chatter in the hall quietens down as a very muscular, tall black man wearing a chef’s outfit walks out with a microphone in hand.

Is that… Chef Hatchet?!

“Max?”

“Yes?”

“Are you seeing what I’m seeing?”

“I think I do, Scarlett. I think I do.”

The room is silent once again for a few seconds. I don’t think Chef has seen us yet. Then he begins to give some sort of speech.

“Alright, listen up, since I’m only gonna say this once! I am the new chef of this here joint! You can call me Chef Hatchet, or just Chef for short. I am only a temporary replacement, as the previous chef before me, Chef Richards, was caught-” His face turns into a grimace as he reads his notes.

“Ahem, he was caught groping several of the female inmates.” How vile. Not EVIL, just vile. Scarlett obviously agrees, as her face is also grimacing like a bulldog having an allergic reaction.

“Anyway, I will NOT be making food like this again, as it goes way over budget, plus y’all lunatics don’t deserve it. That is all.” Low blow much? Since me and Scarlett have both finished our amazing meals, we decide to leave and go back to our rooms.

Once we get closer to the door leading to our room, I see that Chef Hatchet is standing next to it. We’ll have to walk past him to get back, and I’m still not sure if he’s seen us. I keep on staring at him as we get closer, and eventually he looks in our direction and we make eye contact. His eyes go wide as he sees me and Scarlett for the first time. Did he even know we were here before?

Eventually we are about to pass him, who is still staring at us, until he pulls us out into a nearby corridor.

“Evil girl? Purple hair? What the hell are you two doin’ at my new workplace?” How could he call Scarlett EVIL but not me?! I’m about to lecture Chef on this silly error, but Scarlett speaks first.

“First of all, we have been at this asylum for almost a week at this point, I would’ve expected that you know. Second of all, what are YOU doing here?”

“Since the season ended, I need a way to earn some dough, so I took up this job as a temporary thing. Didn’t think I’d have to face any of you brats while I’m here.” I think I have an idea!

“Will you be giving us special treatment since you already know us? Don’t forget, we are EVIL!” Scarlett rolls her eyes for some reason, while Chef seems like he’s ready to blow. How could he not be cowering in fear?

“NO, I will NOT be giving anyone special treatment! Now get out of my sight!” He walks back into the dining hall as I process what just happened. Scarlett also seems very taken aback.

“Well, this has been one hell of a day.” Scarlett just slumps onto the floor, clearly exhausted. I sit down next to her.

“Yep… EVIL has had enough drama for today.” Scarlett does another one of her strangely enticing giggles.

“Enough Total Drama!”

“Too obvious, Scarlett. I thought you out of anyone would’ve known that.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“I think you’re-” Why is complimenting people so difficult?

“Go on.”

“You’re smart, okay? I think you’ve got a very EVIL and clever mind. Not as much as mine, of course.” Scarlett just rolls her eyes again.

“Come on, we should probably go back.”

“Fair enough.”

Chapter Text

This predicament is rather awkward.

Me and Max are sitting alone in an empty hallway, actually having a somewhat normal exchange. Seeing Max as an actual person to have a conversation with instead of an annoyance is usually very difficult, but right now, it just seems natural.

We get up from the cold tile floor as we leave the hallway, and make our way back to our room. The option of running off and escaping tempts me like a lure would tempt a fish but I resist, knowing how little I know about this accursed establishment.

I think back to the announcement in the dining hall. What are the chances that we meet Chef Hatchet of all people in here? It’s better than reuniting with any of the former contestants though, so I guess it could be worse.

“So… Chef is here. Do you think he’s EVIL?” Of course that’s the first thing Max has to say.

“I somehow doubt it, Max. He’s just very authoritative. He’s probably not malicious.” He gives me a confused look. “Bossy.” He stops.

“Do you think we can manipulate him to do what we want? He already knows how diabolical we are!”

“Probably not. Not every predicament can be solved by being evil.” Max’s face contorts into one of horror.

“How dare you! EVIL can solve every challenge that is in EVIL’s path! Thinking otherwise would be very silly!”

“Max, listen to me. You can’t just manipulate whoever you desire. Chef will probably tear you limb from limb. Just, don’t try.” He grumpily crosses his arms.

“Hrmph, fine! I trust that you know what you are saying.” He… complied? What?! He’s such a stubborn wretch, I usually have to manipulate him to get him to do what I want. He actually listened to me though! This is quite the breakthrough.

We continue to walk back in silence to our room. With nothing notable happening on the rest of the way.

As I open the door to the small hallway in our shared room, I hear a pair of hushed voices in the room at the end of the hallway. It must be Paula and Susan together. I believe they are in some sort of relationship, so I assume they’re just spending time together. Love, what a mystery.

I am about to enter my own room, when Max suddenly stops me.

“Scarlett! I have something EVIL to tell you! Come with me.” He enters his room and leaves the door ajar, beckoning me to join him. You know what, why the hell not? I have nothing better to do anyway.

“Alright. It better not be a waste of my time.” I enter his abode, still pretty much identical to mine. Max is sitting on his mattress, staring off into the distance, until he snaps out of it and looks up at me.

“What do you want?”

“I have been brainstorming an EVIL plan these past couple days, and I think I’m ready to share it with you. We recruit as many of these buffoons as we can, and storm the guards! They can’t stop us all!” That’s a terrible plan for a multitude of reasons.

“Max, enlisting the job of the mentally unsound to swarm this place would be an incredibly unwise idea, not to mention practically impossible. That’s not going to work.” Max seems rather vexed at my calm rejection of his awful idea.

“Why do you always oppose the EVIL plans my wicked mind comes up with? You’re no fun!” He stands up and stomps away towards the farthest corner from me like he’s having a tantrum. “If my ideas are so ‘horrible’, why don’t YOU come up with one?” Why does Max seem so bothered by what I said? Why do I seem so bothered that Max is bothered?

Come on, get it together Scarlett!

“Max, NO. Listen, I want to get out of here too, this place is abhorrent, but a well thought-through plan is needed to get us out of here. Something like that would either get us injured by one of the inmates or overrun by the guards. It just wouldn’t work.” I’m exasperated at this point having to explain this. Max seems uncharacteristically glum, almost looking like he’s actually regretting some of his actions.

“You- you’re… right. I guess it wouldn’t work. I just don’t have any ideas for a great escape! I always have EVIL ideas for any situation, but I’m stuck. I can’t think of anything.” Wow. I sometimes need a reminder that Max is indeed human, and this is certainly one of them.

“I’ll think of something eventually, Max. We still don’t know much about this place at the moment.” At this point, Max is no longer facing towards the corner of the room, and is sort of facing me now.

“I guess… Just, make sure whatever you plan you come up with is EVIL.” Hmm…

“Max, why exactly are you evil?”

“Excuse me?”

“What makes you call yourself evil?”

“Aha, such a brilliant question! It is in my nature! I feel compelled to commit acts of EVIL, and to make sure others are aware of my EVIL presence! Why do you ask?”

“Just curious.” Not the full truth, but I won’t tell Max that.

“Say, why are you EVIL, Scarlett?” My body goes stiff, and a shiver goes up my vertebral column. I was hoping he wouldn’t ask this asinine question. I do not want to reveal my less than stellar upbringing.

“Uh, same reason as you, Max. It’s just, an impulse to be cruel.” That’s not even remotely true. Well, it shouldn’t be.

“We really are alike! Lacking some outlandish backstory, just born to be EVIL!” I really wish that was the case. Max unknowingly bringing this up is not pleasant for me in the slightest. I really need to get him to sto-

And then the cacophony began. I should probably clarify something real quick.

The walls between our individual rooms are quite thin. I can often hear Max rambling about being evil from my own room, as well as Susan talking to ‘voices’ she claims to hear.

Now me and Max can hear her and Paula partaking in actions of the sexual variety. Clamorously.

This. Is. Awkward.

“What on earth is-”

“Max, shush! We don’t want them to know that we are eavesdropping!”

“Eavesdropping on what? All I hear are moans of what I assume is anguish.” He doesn’t know. Of course he doesn’t. I am not about to give the talk to a sixteen year old, but I need to correct him for the sake of my own sanity.

“Those are not moans of anguish, they are moans of sexual pleasure.” The colour in Max’s already deathly pale face drains more than should be physically possible. It seems like he does in fact know about the ‘birds and the bees’.

“Ewwww! How gross!” Incredible levels of maturity on display here.

“It’s not ‘gross’, just way too loud. We can’t just tell them to lower the amplitude of their overly aggressive coitus though.”

“Well then, what should we do? EVIL does not want to listen to… those sounds!” He can’t even say it. I need to stop commenting on his immaturity, it’s getting repetitive.

“Since we can’t approach them, the only thing we can do is wait for them to stop. Hopefully they don’t have too much stamina.”

We sit in silence as we continue to listen to the noises of intercourse coming from Susan’s room. I could go back into my room, but then I’d be closer to them. They’re already loud enough from Max’s room. At this point, about ten minutes have passed.

“Why won’t they stoooop? EVIL is incredibly uncomfortable!” Me too, Max. Me too.

I’ll skip forward a while because nothing too noteworthy happens.

FORTY MINUTES.

They finally stopped. After forty minutes. What sort of deal did they make with the devil to give them that much stamina?

At this point, Max is lying down on his mattress with a pillow covering his ears, shaking violently. As the noises stop, he ceases shaking. He appears apprehensive, like it could begin again at any moment. Sure, the sounds of sex are quite uncomfortable, but Max’s reaction to it makes it seem like a form of torture. It’s not THAT bad.

“I-is it over? Has i-i-it stopped?”

“You can stop overreacting now. I’m pretty sure they’re done. Finally.” Max looks particularly offended at what I said.

“I am NOT overreacting! Those noises were uncomfortable and disturbing!” Uncomfortable? Absolutely. Disturbing? Absolutely not.

“Okay, sure. I’m pretty sure they’re gone now anyway.”

“Thank goodness! EVIL has experienced sounds that should never be heard by EVIL. Yeurghh…”

What were we talking about earlier? Oh…

“Max, I am going to return to my sleeping quarters now. Try not to die of second-hand embarrassment.” With that, I quickly scurry out of the room so that I can avoid the conversation we had earlier. Max probably wouldn’t have remembered what we were talking about, but better safe than sorry.

I peek out of the door in the small hallway in our room out towards the larger hallway and see that it is empty. I quickly brainstorm an idea in my head for an idea, when suddenly one comes to me.

Scout the building for a way out when it gets dark. It’s very simple, and probably something I should’ve thought of earlier, but it should be apt for now. Right now, it’s still afternoon, so I can not act out that plan now.

I’m going out tonight.

Chapter Text

Bored.

Bored bored bored bored bored.

Uuggghhh, EVIL has nothing to do! Why must I be thrown into this place?! I’ve been in here for a few days and it still is just mind-numbingly BORING. I want to come up with EVIL schemes, but this isolation from the world is messing with my head. I couldn’t even come up with a plan to escape! That’s pathetic!

All of these lack of EVIL thoughts is keeping me up. It’s been pitch black for hours, way past my usual bedtime. I’m trying to sleep, but I need a soothing lullaby of MALICE to play inside my head, and nothing is happening! Where’s my internal villain bedtime song?

I wish there was a clock in here so I could see what time it is. It could be anywhere from 11PM to 4AM for all I know, yet I’m just not tired. Why is this happening to me?!

“Psst.” What in the devil was that?

“Psst, Max!” That mysterious voice said my name! Do I respond?

“Max, open the door!” It’s louder this time a- Wait, is that Scarlett? I’m pretty sure that’s Scarlett! Why does that make me feel so giddy?

“One second, Scarlett! EVIL must stretch!” My legs are stiff from trying to fall asleep for so long, I need to wake them up.

Come on legs, don’t keep EVIL waiting! Scarlett is not a patient lady.

CRACK

Oooohhh, that felt GOOD. I open up the door to find Scarlett with a grimace plastered on her face.

“Please don’t tell me that noise was your knee joints begging for sweet release.”

“Don’t be silly, Scarlett! My knees love life!” Her grimace turns into a look of confusion like what I said was strange in any way. Of course my knees love life! They are EVIL knees. “Anyway, what are you doing here at this hour?”

“Be quiet Max, the others are sleeping. As for your question, I have an idea to escape this forsaken place.”

“Why on earth would you come here at night?” She smacks her forehead. Must have been a mosquito I didn’t notice.

“Because there are less guards at night, that should be obvious.”

“Oh, of course! I was just testing you, keeping you sharp in case we get caught!” I hope she buys that.

“Ok, sure. Anyway, I scouted out parts of the building earlier, and I may have found a potential exit.” I knew I could count on Scarlett! But there’s a very obvious flaw.

“Well, what about the door to the hall? It’s locked! EVIL is not able to traverse through closed doors. YET.” One day, though!

“I already thought of that scenario. I found something that I can pick the lock with.” Scarlett then brings her hand closer to my face, revealing two thin metal bars.

“And what exactly is that you are holding? Looks like junk!” Scarlett groans for some unknown reason.

“Max, it’s a pair of stretched out paperclips. I can put them in the lock to try and pick it, I didn’t think I’d have to tell you what I was planning on doing.”

“Ok then, less talking and more lock picking! Make the door feel as much pain as possible to really show it how EVIL we are!” Scarlett lets out another one of her strange chuckles. What is with those? It’s kind of creepy, but also satisfying? Nevermind, not important!

Scarlett inserts the paperclips into the keyhole of the lock and jiggles them around a bit. I can hear a couple of clicks from the lock, but nothing is happening.

“How long is this supposed to take?”

“Just be patient. It takes a couple minutes to find where the pins in the lock are.” It sounds like she’s done this before. How interesting…

“Just out of curiosity, have you done this before?” Scarlett raises an eyebrow in response to my question.

“Indeed. I’ve done this many times before when my parents lo-” Scarlett suddenly stops picking the lock and a look of panic appears on her face. Very different from her normal apathetic glare of EVIL. “Uh, grounded me. Heh…” She almost looks like she’s hiding something. What could Scarlett be hiding about her parents? Are they not EVIL like her? Wait a second…

“They locked your door when they grounded you? Wait, that means that they have a lock on the outside of your door! That’s not normal!” Scarlett's eyes widen like bear traps and she seems to mouth something I can’t understand.

“Uhh, nevermind that for now, I need to focus. This isn’t the time.” She returns to picking the lock like nothing happened. What could Scarlett be hiding? It better not be a cool villain backstory, I want to hear that! She does have a point though, this isn’t a very good time to discuss this. I’ll make sure to press for details another time.

Scarlett continues to pick the lock, with more noises coming from it. Suddenly, I hear one of the doors open behind us. Drat, one of those buffoons of roommates heard us! Out of all of them, I hope it isn’t-

Paula. I can see her poking her head around her door. Her intimidating stare at us gives me heebie-jeebies rivalled only by the llama sacrifice a few days ago. I look at Scarlett, who has also turned around to look at Paula, although she still keeps a neutral face. I commend such bravery!

“Alright, what the fuck are you two doing? You woke me up!” She’s clearly angry. Oops. Maybe I should tell her the truth? Show her how EVIL we are! Perfect.

“Good question, brute! Me and my loyal companion are trying to escape th-”

“MAX, SHUSH!” How dare Scarlett interrupt me!

“No, I think I’ve got enough info from the gnome to know what you’re doing. You’re trying to escape.” The way she says that makes it hard to tell what she thinks about us escaping.

“Wow. I never thought you would’ve guessed. Well done.” I see Scarlett also has low expectations for Paula’s intelligence. She does slightly resemble a gorilla in appearance.

“Don’t play smart with me, bookworm. I’m fed up with you two arguing like an old married couple, so shut the hell up!” Married couple? Me and Scarlett? How preposterous!

“And you aren’t gonna do anything about us? Beg us to let you come? Or do you think you’re too good for us EVIL folk?”

“I really don’t give a shit about you two, and I’m too damn tired to do anything. Maybe if you continue to be loud assholes I’ll report you or something, just, shut up.” With that, Paula goes back into her room. Me and Scarlett look at each other.

“That’s what you get when you don’t be quiet when I tell you.” Hmph!

“Fine, I’ll shut up.”

“Good.”

Scarlett returns to picking the lock, and I just sit in silence waiting. I don’t like being so quiet, but it’s necessary right now. Suddenly, I hear a louder click from the lock, and Scarlett turns to me.

“It’s done.”

“Excellent job, Scarlett!” I open the door out into the hallway, which is very dark from the lack of light sources during the day. It’s quite spooky here, EVIL doesn’t like it.

“Um, do we have to step out into the creepy corridor? It’s too dark for my taste!”

“Yes, just deal with the low light levels, it’s not that tenebrous here.” I don’t know what that word means, but I don’t like Scarlett’s tone!

“Hey, don-”

“Be quiet, Max! We could be heard by anyone now. You need to just keep your mouth shut unless I tell you.” Scarlett starts to loom over me with her height advantage. She’s being even more disrespectful, but she’s too intimidating to deal with. To hell with my small stature, it goes against everything that is EVIL!

“Uh, yes Scarlett! I won’t get us caught.” I lower the volume of my voice to prove it to Scarlett.

“You better not. Now follow me, I remember where the potential way out is.” I close the door as quietly as I can behind us as Scarlett walks off towards the main staircase. I follow behind her.

Neither of us say a word as she leads me to wherever this escape route is. We go from the fourth floor down to the first floor. Surely this plan isn’t just to walk out the main entrance, that would be ridiculous! Scarlett turns into a hallway I haven’t been in before, so I was probably wrong about that. I’m surprised there is no security, that seems quite odd.

“Wouldn’t there be cameras or something like that to avoid? Or guards. Anything, really. This feels strange.” Scarlett looks annoyed at me not being quiet for a moment but seems to quickly realise what I mean.

“That… is a fair observation. I did notice the lack of cameras earlier, but I’m rather confused about a total lack of security.”

“Maybe they underestimated how EVIL we are, so they assumed we couldn’t escape. What fools!” Scarlett shakes her head at my great idea.

“No, this just seems too simple. Even just escaping our room barely took any effort, and the plan after also seems underwhelming. I was expecting some sort of security but this… this is nothing. It feels wrong.”

“Maybe some victories are just handed out to us, we do deserve it! After all, we are E-” As we turn the corner in the hall, we see someone standing there.

Chef Hatchet.

“-vil?”

“Gotcha.”

He quickly grabs some sort of gun an- OW!!! He shot me! And Scarlett too! What did he even shoot? I look down at my leg where he shot and see a long cylinder in my leg. It hurts like crazy!

“What did you do to us?! And why do I feel so sleepy all of a sudden?”

“They’re tranquiliser darts.” I can’t even tell who that came from, I’m so, so…

Tired…

Chapter Text

…….

………Ughhh…

W-where… am I?

Urgh, my head. It’s POUNDING. I’ve never had cephalalgia this extreme before, even when Max frustrated me more so than usual. What happened?

Oh yes. The plan failed miserably. Surprisingly not because of Max. I was foolish in thinking escape would come so easily. Instead, Chef Hatchet shot us with tranquiliser darts, and now I’m here, in this… oh god.

This room I’m in. It’s like nothing else I’ve seen in this awful place, even the so-called Activity Room. It’s rather diminutive in size, being even smaller than my cell. The walls seem to be made of some sort of aged wood, almost resembling a stereotypical haunted house. The room is being lit by candles alone, further resembling said description.

But the murals.

They’re EVERYWHERE.

They cover up most parts of the walls, and even the ceiling. They seem to depict a mythical being known as the Ophanim, one of the varieties of angels from the Christian mythos. The Ophanim’s appearance has always triggered feelings of uneasiness in me, as the only thing I’m afraid of is an overabundance of eyes on something that is not supposed to be so ocularly gifted.

Why are these blasted murals here, and why do they depict what they do? Are these here specifically to elicit a reaction of fear from me? If that’s the case, how could they know what I’m most afraid of? Or maybe I’m being paranoid.

I haven’t mentioned it until now, but I’m sitting on some sort of wooden chair which has been bolted to the floor, with my wrists handcuffed to the chair. Trapped, in this freaky room. Talk about a cruel and unusual punishment.

I wonder what happened to Max. Is he in a room like this of his own? Usually that would humour me, but for some foreign reason I just feel… bad. He’s a pest, sure, but I was the one to get us caught with my awful plan.. I actually feel some sort of guilt. FOR HIM. Am I even sane anymore? Or have I just grown as a person? No, get it together Scarlett, this isn’t some sort of novel where I get a character arc! I’m not going to suddenly start caring for someone I hated barely over a week ago. Am I?

No, of course not. That’s just plain unrealistic. Is it?.

I continue to sit in this chair, trapped in a room filled with uncanny murals, trying not to think about anything. Maybe I could elicit some kind of numbness into myself by staying still, not using my brain in any way, shape, or form. What am I thinking?! That’s just some pseudoscience sounding bullshit! I refuse to believe in that drivel.

“Hello? What are you doing with me?” I try to keep a calm tone of voice while calling out to anyone that may be able to hear me, but my shouting wavers a bit from the anxiety caused by the watchful eyes of the Ophanim murals. Soon after my cry for help, I hear footsteps outside the lone door in the room, the only part of the space not covered by judging eyes.

The door opens, revealing a cloaked figure, similar to the ones in the Activity Room. Unlike them, this person is wearing green robes, unlike the burgundy ones they donned. I can vaguely see the face of the cloaked person in front of me, and they appear quite nondescript, apart from a pair of likely tattooed black rings around their eyes. They appear to be male.

“Hello Scarlett, it’s SO great to see you awake!” His tone of voice is sickeningly sweet, almost comparable to Ella’s voice from the Island. Unlike her though, this voice seems like some sort of act, clearly hiding something. It would disturb me more if I also didn’t disguise my voice a lot.

“That implies you’ve seen me asleep. And as I am a minor, that could spell trouble for you.” That’s mostly a blank threat to try and dissuade him from any potential incidents.

“Ah, nonsense! I’m here to tell you what happens when you break the rules of Vaillancourt Juvenile Asylum.” His voice turns significantly lower and less cheery as he says the word ‘break’.

“Is trapping me in a room filled with unsettling depictions of the Ophanim part of the consequences of breaking said rules?”

“Ophanim? Don’t be silly! That is Kruphtlaff, our protector!” THIS is what this ‘Kruphtlaff’ entity is supposed to look like? I was expecting something idiotic, not THIS of all possible things.

“Um, no. These pictures are of the Ophanim, one of the varieties of angels from the Christian religion. Don’t tell me you plagiarised the design of your foolish object of worship from the most widely believed religion in the world?” As it turns out, my tormentor does not like what I just said. His face contorts into one of an almost comical display of anger.

“We do not disrespect Kruphtlaff in this establishment, young lady. I suggest you take back what you said so that he doesn’t hurt you.” An old fashioned smiting. How riveting.

“How exactly would he do that? I doubt he has an actual physical form.”

“Kruphtlaff can make his mark on this land through chosen people. I am one of those people. You have ten seconds to retract your blasphemy before he hurts you through me.” So in simple terms, I’m being threatened with physical punishment if I don’t obey a made up deity. This is… depressingly familiar. I have to deal with these sorts of scenarios almost daily back home, and the best solution is always to give in.

“Fine, I apologise to you, Kruphtlaff. I should not have uttered such hurtful words unto you.”

“There we go, Scarlett! You’re a natural!” I simply repeated what I usually say when this sequence of events occurs.

“Anyway, we’ve gotten way off topic. We need to have a discussion about the consequences of trying to escape! Since you are a first time offender, your punishment will be milder than usual.” While that should be a good sign, I have a feeling that this will still be quite the abhorrent experience.

“Most facilities like ours use what is known as a padded cell room. I assume you already know what that is, Scarlett, you’re a smart girl, afterall.” The way he utters that compliment makes me squirm from discomfort, I’ve had similar encounters with creeps before.

“Well, we find that said rooms don’t make for very effective punishment. So instead, we use a room like this! You are surrounded with depictions of Kruphtlaff to remind you what the one true path is.” Still with the cultist language. I wish I didn’t know this from first-hand experience, but I can’t change the past.

“How long will I be here? This chair is rather uncomfortable.”

“You’ve already been here unconscious for about five hours, so you have seven more to go. Think about Kruphtlaff and his teachings, and keep in mind that the consequences will be worse if you try to escape again. Goodbye for now, Scarlett!” With that abrupt farewell, he leaves the room, locking the door behind him. Ignoring the fact that I don’t think I’ve been told about these ‘teachings’ of Kruphtlaff, I have nothing to do. Time to wait seven more hours in a comfortless chair until I’m let out of here.

…

…

…

…

Okay, no. I need to try and do something. I try to pull at the chains of the handcuffs as hard as I can, but I don’t come close to breaking them. I’ve never been particularly brawny, so this doesn’t come as a surprise to me. I try again, yielding the same result. And again. By now, my wrists are aching like mad, and I’m feeling rather exhausted. This is not going to work.

I can sort of stand up, but I can barely get anywhere with my hands attached to the chair. Then an idea comes to me. What if I kick at the legs of the chair to try and break it? It will certainly be quite painful, but the chair does look somewhat feeble, so I may be able to destroy the legs and break free. I back my right leg up, envision Chris McLean’s crotch in place of the chair and send my foot forward as fast as I ca-

OUCH!!!

“Aargh! Oh damn it, aah…” I seethe in pain at my incredibly idiotic and painful blunder, wanting to caress my foot but unable to because of the handcuffs. I can’t believe I just did something so stupid. That’s a plan Max would come up with. Is he rubbing off onto me? If that’s the case, please end my life immediately.

I hear footsteps come towards the door and expect to see the cloaked person from earlier, but Chef Hatchet appears instead.

“Alright, what on earth are-” His eyes suddenly widen as he looks around the room, his mouth ajar. Is he seeing this room for the first time?

“What in the world sort of decoration is this? It’s like a… a, I dunno even!” It’s highly unusual seeing a monster of a man like Chef at a loss for words.

“Aren’t you supposed to know what these pictures depict? You work here, so you’re presumably a member of this cult.” He looks confused at what I said. Surely he must know? Again, he works here.

“What the hell you talkin’ about, this place ain’t no cult! If it was, I’d have never got a job here!” Wow. He really doesn’t know, does he?

“Do you really think an asylum that tries to convince its inmates to worship a deity called ‘Kruphtlaff’ isn’t a cult? Or at least a huge red flag.”

“I ain’t heard of no Kruph-whatever, is that what those weird things on the walls are supposed to be?”

“Exactly. Although technically they actually depict a-”

“I don’t care ‘bout no semantics girl, I wanna know how I didn’t know about this!” Lack of forethought? Or general intellect? I’m not going to say that out loud since Chef could probably seriously injure me with a single attack, and there might be another explanation for it anyway.

“I believe you said that you were a temporary hire, is that correct?”

“Yes.”

“Then maybe they wanted to keep this a secret from you, to not rouse suspicion. Although if that was the case, I don’t know why they would make you come in here to supervise us, given the… less than subtle imagery.” There are obvious flaws in that hypothesis, but hopefully Chef thinks it makes sense. It’s not like I’m lying about this place being a cult to get out.

“I dunno, maybe. This place is clearly weird, those pictures are real strange, man. How did you figure out this was a cult?”

“It became somewhat obvious after me and Max had to burn the corpse of a llama to ‘appease Kruphtlaff’. Their words, not mine.” Chef’s eyes widen after I tell him that unsettling anecdote.

“I-I-I, NO! You’re pulling my leg, right?” I honestly don’t blame him for not believing me, it sounds insane.

“I can promise you that I am telling the truth. Max will say the same thing, he was the one to set the llama ablaze.”

“Woah… This, this is insane! I need to leave this damn place, it’s fucked up, man.” A great idea spontaneously appeared in my head.

“Take me with you. I want to get out of this horrific place too.” Chef glares at me more intently.

“Why the hell would I do that? You’re a dangerous person, letting you escape with me would make no sense.” As expected, he’s rejecting my proposal, as he has no incentive. But I can give him one.

“If you don’t break me out, I’ll eventually be let out of here. Once that happens, I can anonymously inform the higher ups at Fresh TV that one of your former workplaces was the front for a cult. After some investigation, your career would be in shambles, no one would dare hire you ever again. If you break me out, I’ll keep this a secret, I could even pull some strings to get this job removed from your record.” Chef’s eye begins to twitch.

“...Fine. Fine, I accept. You’re one evil bitch, you know that?” I only smirk in response. I finally get the recognition I deserve.

“Would you want your purple-haired friend outta here too?” That’s a good question, actually. While the prospect of abandoning Max here sounds great in theory, I have to admit, it feels wrong. Again with the guilt. And even from a more logical perspective, if I leave Max here to rot, he’ll eventually get out and seek revenge. While probably harmless, it could still lead to some unpredictable consequences, especially if he ends up going mad. Heh, Mad Max.

“Indeed. But he is not my friend, more of an… acquaintance born out of desperation.” There’s definitely no more to it.

“Then why would you want to bust him out too?”

“I have my reasons.”

Chapter Text

…

…

…

Sigh…

What did I do to deserve this? Sure, I am the master of being EVIL, and locking me up would benefit society as a whole, but I did nothing to deserve being trapped in this horrid room! It’s so small and creepy, and those weird eyeball wheel things on the walls and ceiling are really creeping me out.

I’m in here because of her. Her plan failed spectacularly. I really got my hopes up that we could escape, and hopefully enact EVIL on the world toge-

Urgh, what the heck am I even saying? I sound like I have some sort of childish crush on Scarlett! That cannot be the case, EVIL doesn’t feel love.

Right?

Bah, that doesn’t matter right now. What does matter is finding a way out of here. I’ve been handcuffed to a chair and my rear is starting to get all ouchie. How long have I even been here? It’s felt like hours n-

Ah. Speak of the devil and she follows soon after.

Scarlett has come into this room! With… Chef? What on earth is going on here? I guess they’re here to let me out of here, back into my normal, less creepy cell. Chef comes towards me with a key in hand and unlocks my handcuffs, finally releasing me from my painful posterior prison. I get up from the chair and stretch.

“Phew, that feels good! I could feel my derrière about to shrivel up any second now! Not a good thing that, let me tell you.” Scarlett looked at me in what is probably some sort of admiration at my profound words. Either that or confusion.

“Anyway… We’ve come to get out of here, finally leave this terrible excuse of an asylum for good.” Wait, does Scarlett have another plan? Why is Chef okay with this? Is he secretly on the side of EVIL too?

“Wasn’t that what we were trying to do before your plan failed and Chef caught us? And speaking of him, why is he here?”

“She blackmailed me into doin’ this, and I don’t want any more questions! Got it?” Chef starts glaring at me so intensely I’m now fully convinced he is indeed EVIL. Only villains could look so scary.

“Yes sir!” He nods and lets out a grunt in response.

“So… What exactly is the plan? Let me remind you that your previous plan failed, Scarlett.” I can see her face turning slightly red, she must be embarrassed!

“I know how it went last time, but I now have more information about this establishment and its security measures as I have got to see them for myself.” She pushes her glasses up her nose. “Most importantly, I now know the severe lack of security this wretched place has. At least, it WOULD be severe, but not for us. Our job is easier than expected.”

“Well then, how did that brutish cook find us if there’s no cameras? No offence to you, Chef.” He just rolls his eyes.

“I was made to patrol this place for maggots like you because of my background, and I happened to stumble into you two out of anyone. I just can’t seem to escape that damn show…”

“Why were you carrying a tranquiliser gun? That doesn’t seem like something that should be approved by an asylum, although I’m probably giving this place too much credit.” Scarlett brings up a good point, knocking us out seems like an extreme solution for a guard to use. It seems too EVIL, and it being used against me is a tragedy!

“Oh, I always carry around tranq darts wherever I go, just in case. Hehehe…” That chuckle Chef does always sends shivers up my spine. Eugh…

“...Fascinating. Let’s get back to the topic at hand, one of those robed creeps might appear at any moment. While I do have a plan to escape that should be simple in theory, it’s always best to be prepared for worst-case scenarios. Chef, Max, do you have any ideas?” S-Scarlett’s actually… asking me for ideas? That’s unheard of! But I can’t think of anything. Stupid brain, failing me now of all times! I want to impr- assist Scarlett! Yes, that.

“I got nothing. Just tell me what weird scheme you’re cookin’ up.” Chef appears to be somewhat uninterested despite getting to listen to Scarlett’s voice. So EVIL and perf- oh, getting sidetracked!

“Before you captured us, we were on our way towards an entrance to this building’s ventilation system, which should be able to take us outside.” Did she say what I think she said?

“Ventilation system? You never said we were going to go through any vents! How could Chef even fit through a vent, he’s way too big!”

“I guess I did forget to mention to you the method of escape earlier, so my apologies. And as for Chef, he’s just an employee here, he isn’t trapped. He can just quit his job.” Fair enough I guess. I can’t believe something so obvious slipped past me.

“Well, why don’t you lead us to the vent you found? Then we can finally conclude your plan of EVIL!” She just chuckles again. I still don’t get that.

“Of course. Chef, accompany us to the vent so that you can deal with any possible threats. Don’t be afraid to knock them out.”

“Ohoho, I’m never afraid of doin’ that…” Chef can be so dang creepy sometimes.

Scarlett walks off towards a hallway on our right, while me and Chef follow her. A few seconds later, she stops.

“I only now realised that I don’t know where we are. I have no idea how far we were taken from where we were before this whole fiasco. Chef, do you remember where you found us and knocked us out?” He nods. “Brilliant. Take us there and lead the way. Once you get there, I should be able to remember how to get to the vent.” Chef starts walking quite quickly in the complete opposite direction, and I see Scarlett frown.

“How could I have been so mistaken?” She’s muttering, clearly trying not to be heard, but that doesn’t stop my trained ears! EVIL needs to know when threats are approaching.

“Eh, not your fault. We don’t know what part of this insipid building we’re in.” Scarlett slightly smiles.

“Thanks.”

We continue following Chef for a few minutes, walking past several rooms and through many hallways I don’t recognise. Just how big is this place? Suddenly, he stops.

“This is where I found you two.” I look around, and I do recognise this part of the hall. There’s a couple doors to the left.

“Much appreciated Chef. I’ll take it from here, I know where the vent is now.” Scarlett takes the lead, taking us down some more halls. As we approach a door at the end of a hall, it opens, and one of those robed weirdos comes out of it. Drat.

“Drat.” Scarlett seems to agree. The person spots us.

“Mr. Hatchet, what are you doing with those inmates? This isn’t where their cells are.”

FWOOSH

They fall to the floor with a dart sticking out of their chest.

“Excellent job, Chef! You really showed them how EVIL we are!” He just grunts.

“While one situation has been dealt with, we now have another. Where are we going to conceal the body?” Instead of answering like a normal person, Chef just picks up the body and walks into the room in front of us. He comes back out with empty hands.

“Closet.” Scarlett looks at me and I just shrug. It does the job.

We all walk into the room, and I see what looks like a normal office space. A desk, chairs, papers, nothing that stands out. That is, except for a large vent near the floor at the back of the room. Escape!

“Here we are. If I am correct, and I don’t doubt that I am, that vent over there should lead straight outside, as cold air can be felt coming from it. Taking the grate off would be somewhat of a challenge, but we have a secret weapon. Chef?” He walks up to the vent, grips it with one hand, and rips the whole thing off of the wall. That… is VERY impressive. I could do with strength like that, I’d be much more threatening as a villain.

“Not what I expected you to do, but that works. Come on Max, let’s go.” Scarlett gets on her hands and knees and crawls into the vent. It seems fairly spacious, I was expecting a tighter squeeze. I don’t have the most slender frame. I crawl into the vent right behind her and am met with quite the sight.
Scarlett’s butt.

I quickly look down so I don’t act like a creep, but wow. I never noticed until now, since I’m not a pervert who stares at girls’ assets, but Scarlett’s behind is quite… how would I describe it? Shapely? It feels very weird talking about her body like this. The skirt she wore back at the Island really covered it up, and the baggy uniform also does, but in this position it’s more exposed.

I feel myself blushing hard, so I look back down. Meanwhile, we’ve been crawling around in these vents, taking seemingly random turns.

“Do you know where we are going? EVIL isn’t a fan of tight spaces.”

“I am trying to go in directions where it seems like there is light, but other than that we just have to use trial and error.” I guess that makes sense.

We continue to crawl for several minutes, taking random turns and getting glimpses of light. Suddenly, a chill surrounds us.

“What on earth was that?!”

“That could be wind from outside getting in,we might be close!” With that, Scarlett starts crawling faster, and I try to keep up. Eventually, I make it back to where she is, but she has stopped moving. She’s just staring ahead.

At a grate that leads outside.

Chapter Text

Sunlight.

Sunlight!

I squint my eyes in retaliation to the harsh glare of the sun, trying to readjust from the darkness of the vents.

This is it. This loathsome journey is coming to a close. Shorter than expected to be honest, but I’m not complaining.

I push against the grate obstructing us from freedom, but it doesn’t budge. Crap. The very last obstacle. Of course. I continue trying to push, and the grate shifts slightly, but at this rate I’ll tire myself out before I can actually get anywhere.

“What’s taking so long? EVIL can smell freedom!” I have an idea, but… it won’t be pleasant.

“Max, can you do me a favour?”

“Depends on what it is.”

“Well, I don’t have the body strength to get this grate open, and I doubt you do either, so I’ve come up with a plan. Can you back up a few metres?”

“Umm, okay. What exactly is this plan?” I hear Max crawling back a bit, and I follow suit. Then, I scamper as fast as I can in this cramped ventilation system towards the grate.

CRASH

That was incredibly idiotic. I am in a lot of pain right now. What did I do exactly? I charged at the grate like an angered bull in order to bust it open. Did it work? Surprisingly, it did, because right now I’m a crumpled mess lying on a bed of dirt. How dignifying.

But I’m free. That’s all that matters.

I get up from the slightly damp ground, shaking the pain off of my limbs. Max is already out of the vent, and is just staring at me with a look of utter discombobulation on his round face. A fair reaction, I’m just as surprised that I not only did that, but successfully did it too.

“Not. A. Word.” Max only nods in response.

“Well… We’re out! What do we do now?” Max brings up a very good point. But before we plan anything too far in advance, there is one thing that must come before any of that.

“Let’s get away from this place.”

I begin to walk towards the nearest chain link fence, hoping to find a hole in it, or at least a way to create one. Max trails behind me like a lost puppy, but I can’t really blame him. We’re in a completely unfamiliar place. As I’m strolling along the perimeter, Max speaks up.

“What are you doing now?”

“I’m looking for an opening in the fence, or perhaps a way to make one. There’s no way we’d be able to climb it with our lack of physical prowess, and even if we could, there’s barbed wire atop the fence.” Max looks around, and then suddenly stops and stares in another direction. I follow his line of sight, but see nothing of note.

“There! I see a way out!” I still don’t see anything.

“What are you looking at?”

“I can see the fence is wonky, and some of it is hanging off of the supports.” Uh, what the heck? Since when did Max have such amazing eyesight?

“How on earth can you see that from all the way over here? We must be approximately 50 to 60 metres away from that part of the fence.”

“Oh, I’m very familiar with chain link fences. My EVIL lair is surrounded by them, and I am the one who repairs them!” Assuming he’s talking about a house he lives in, and not some actual lair, it’s pretty odd that it’s surrounded by a chain link fence, but that very convenient fact has somehow managed to come in handy.

“Well then, we should go and check if your observations are correct. Let’s go.”

“Of course they are!”

We begin to power walk over to the part of the fence that Max claims might serve as a way out. After several seconds, we reach our destination. Max begins to fiddle with a section of the fence that does indeed look a bit unstable now that I’m much closer to it. I’m surprised that Max was actually right.

CRASH

Max managed to… push the fence over? That’s kind of pathetic how weak it is. Honestly, the security of this place in general is minimal at best. I can’t complain though.

“Aha! I told you I knew what I was talking about! I used my immense strength to push it over!” Doubt it.

We walk over the now toppled fence. I take a deep breath. I’m off the premises of this asylum. It feels good to be free.

But, there is a question I have.

“Well, what do we do now?” Max perfectly voiced my concerns.

“I… don’t know. I am unaware of our location, so I have no idea how to get back to my home.”

“Mhm, same. I don’t know how to track down my EVIL lair.” Hmm. Well, this is certainly a situation. Max speaks up again.

“Should we just… walk in a direction until we find something?”

“Chances are we would be travelling through forests and not encounter any civilization for a very long time. I don’t think we’re wilderness survivors like Jasmine or Shawn.” Max nods and makes a weird sort of face. Maybe he’s thinking? If that’s the case, I’m not expecting anything to come of it. I also continue pondering solutions to this conundrum.

“Well, I think the best course of action is to find out what part of Canada we’re in. Once we’ve discerned our location, we can figure out where we can go from then.” Max nods, but still seems confused.

“That is a good idea, but how exactly would we do that? We don’t have a map or GPS on hand.”

“That is the true dilemma in this situation. I think, just for now, we should follow the road that leads away from here. Maybe we can hitchhike, or just ask where we are.”

“Yes, that could work! Well then, what are we waiting for? Let us trek away from this EVIL place!”

And so the journey ends, and another begins.