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Bring me out of the dark

Summary:

As an aspiring ballet dancer Natasha Romanov didn't get to have many friends growing up, now, aged twenty-two, her flatmate Maria wants to solve it by introducing her to "the family", also known as the dorks of her friends, however childhood scars are still tearing her apart.

Bucky Barnes is not doing so well since coming back from Afghanistan, now disabled and with severe PTSD he doesn't even bother to hang out with Steve or Maria anymore, until he does.

When both meet they start a cat and mouse game that slowly tores away at their walls, but, can two damaged people bring each other out of the dark or are they destined to spiral into darkness?

Notes:

This is my first fanwork in the marvel universe so I hope you enjoy it.
English isn't my first language so if you spot any mistakes please let me know (politely).

TW: implied eating disorder.

Chapter 1: Starring role

Chapter Text

Maria was waiting for me when I got home, she called from the bathroom as soon as I closed the door - Get changed! We’re going out with the boys!

I leaned on the doorway watching her apply soft makeup on her eyelids. Unlike me, she looked stunning: chocolate curls and happy eyes.

- I’m not feeling it. I’m really tired.

She turned back to look at me, eyeing me with all her intensity - You are not staying home training until midnight, again.

- It’s a solid friday night plan - I retorted without heat.

She grabbed my hands and pulled me in an embrace - Bad day at work, wasn’t it?

- I got the role - I whispered - I used to practise it with him.

- Nat...

- Yeah - I almost recoiled from the warm touch - I’m just going to order something and watch a dumb movie, maybe Disney.

She nodded a clear no - You are not staying home wallowing, come on.

In my room she helped me get out of my shoes, my sore feet were flushed red, the bunions and blisters specially.

- Change into something casual, and I’ll lend you my black boots.

I smiled, how had I gotten so lucky with a flatmate as Maria?

It wasn’t that cold in New York in early september but I chose to wear gray tights underneath the green sweater dress and a leather jacket over top. I was freaking cold.

- Here you go - She placed the warm, counterfeit, and a size too big ugg boots on the floor - Want me to fix your hair?

- The braid is fine. Just, call an uber please, I don’t think I can walk much today.

Already in the car I applied some mascara and a barely coloured cherry lip balm - Where are we going?

- A bar near campus, Tony swears by it, says it has drinks at a reasonable price and live music.

- Not sure we can trust him when he says “reasonable price”.

She laughed, so carefree, dimples forming by her lit eyes.

But Tony might not have been wrong about the bar, it definitely had charm and it wasn’t full of college students trying to get wasted, in fact, people were more on “the family” age range (twenty somethings to early thirties) despite being close to campus.

- Ladies! - Tony threw his arms around our shoulders, a glass of whiskey in one hand, water on the other.

- What should I get you? I’m paying tonight - He was already tipsy, a wide grin blurring his usual focused expression.

- There’s no need...

He cut me off - I’m celebrating! Let me have it, Red!

I rolled my eyes, sitting at an empty table by the back - Don’t make this a habit.

- Deal.

He went on to order food and drinks as I scanned the place from my spot, my back laid against the wall for security: clean hardwood floors, brick walls, rounded metal tables and chairs, a slightly elevated platform and cork frames filled with photos and university sport’s team’s banners. The place had life.

- Guys! - Maria called over the buzz of conversations and soft music - Over here!

Steve and T’Challa entered my vision, even though he was a new addition he fitted well with us, he was ambitious and witty, and, despite my best efforts to ignore it, quite handsome.

- Sam texted, he’s running late - Golden boy informed, placing his backpack besides me - You look tired.

- What every girl dreams of hearing.

- Isn’t Peggy coming? - Maria asked.

- She’s prepping for a case - T’Challa answered - I brought her some dinner before coming. And coffee.

- Stop giving her coffee! - Steve said - She comes jittering home after five cups and can’t fall asleep!

- She asks so kindly - T’Challa answered in a childlike voice, making me laugh for the first time, the knot in my stomach loosening a bit.

- We’re going to order. Sam asked for the usual over text.

- Put it on my acount - Tony said. Placing my ham and cheese sandwich with an egg on top in front of me and a vodka with lime, then setting Maria’s and his food and drink on the table as well.

- Is Bruce coming? - I asked, missing his calming presence.

- Has to prep for a lecture.

- Nerd - Maria mocked.

- So, what are we celebrating?

- Wait for the boys, Red - He chastised me.

- Use that tone again and you’ll find yourself missing a fucking finger.

- Language! - Steve chided me.

- Not you too! I’m not a child you know?

- C’mon. I won’t make you put a dollar in the fine jar.

I gave him the finger, frustration bubbling up, why did everyone insist on babying me that night?

He rested his huge burger beside my plate, eyeing it with suspicion, he opened his mouth but stopped himself on time, Maria mouthing “don’t push it” from the other side of the table might have helped.

- Hey guys!

- Sam!

He gave Maria a quick peck on the lips before sitting next to her - Sorry for the time, that child is going to drive me crazy.

- What was the matter now? - Unlike expected Maria didn’t sound exasperated, but worried.

- She pushed her foster brother down the stairs, she didn’t mean it, he startled her, but they don’t want her around anymore. She’s staying with my mum tonight, God bless her.

- Indeed.

- Don’t let me sour the mood with work stuff - He wanted a light evening, and honestly, same - Tony, spill man!

- The prosthesis works, finally! Iteration 69, great number if you ask me...

- Tony! - We protested in unison, but he couldn’t hide the smug grin - Rhodey was ecstatic, it’s going to change so many lives for the men in his last unit, Barnes included - He elbowed Steve - No need to thank me.

- How did you manage?! He was deemed unfit for the project.

- Pepper, my research assistant, moved some strings with the health department.

- Thanks mate, really, I...

- No thanks needed - He dismissed golden boy with a flick of his hand.

- When am I going to meet him? You talk about him all the time - I asked.

- You aren’t missing much - Sam teased - He’s like a grumpy old man.

- He wasn’t always like that - Steve chimed in - Just the effect of going on seven tours in Afghanistan.

- And being partially blown to smithereens - Maria pipped in, trying to explain while keeping the mood light.

- You’ll meet him eventually - The golden boy promised, not sounding that sure himself.

A duo climbed to the stage and the lights softened around the place as they began to play their music. She had a captivating voice, and the lyrics truly spoke to me in some way. I found myself swaying in my seat, transfixed.

- You’re gonna eat that? - It seemed that Sam hadn’t gotten the memo about not pushing me that night - It’s getting cold.

- I’ll do.

- Then eat - He turned back to the performers, as if he hadn’t said anything, and I wondered if having been adopted by Maria’s friend group had been a good idea. When alone I at least didn’t have to listen to orders other than my own, well... theirs really.

I dissected my meal into tiny pieces and separated a quarter of it before eating the rest bit by small bit.

He used to call me a good girl before scraping the leftovers into the bin. Hunger makes you stronger. And he’d kiss my forehead before leading me to bed.

I shook my body, getting rid of the slivers of him that tried to cling to me anywhere. I was going to have fun. Steve gave me heat earlier, this was just payback - What are you working on now? Pictures of half-naked models for skims?

- Artistic pictures of half-naked models, thank you very much - Sassy Steve was a joy to behold.

Maria burst out laughing, attracting side eyes from the tables around us.

- What are you working on though? - Sam pressed.

Steve stirred in his seat - Not much right now. I’m not good at this freelancing stuff. I’m going to NYCB on monday though.

He turned to me - Congratulations by the way! You get to dance Giselle this season!

- How...? How do you know?

He looked at me worried, he probably expected a different reaction - They gave me a list of shots. They want you for the banner of the season.

- That explains why I have a fitting appointment monday morning. I knew it was weird so early on.

- You didn’t know? - T’Challa asked carefully.

- Not about the banner!

- Maybe they wanted it to be a surprise? The creative team loves you - Maria encouraged me.

- Either way, congratulations, Red. Another one off the bucket list - He drowned some whiskey followed by a gulp of water - How many classic principal roles are left? You’ve done Sugarplum, Juliet, Titania... Am I missing any?

- I keep being surprised that he knows so much about ballet - Sam whispered to his girlfriend, loud enough for Tony to hear.

- My parents are patrons of the arts, I’ve been watching ballet since before you could read. Although, that wasn’t that long ago.

- Ouch.

But the banter that ensued barely registered on my radar. Was I really good enough for the banner? Pretty enough for the banner? Would Steve spend hours just trying to capture something passable?

- Don’t do that - He whispered, stopping me from picking at my nails by taking my hands in his - I got you.