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Chapter Text

Regulus’ day had started off just as it had every day for the last two and a half years. 

James had woken up first, he always did as Quidditch training started early in the morning and lasted till mid afternoon. So James would roll out of bed a good thirty minutes before Regulus would even begin thinking of such a thing (though his alarm clock was their two and a half year old toddler down the hall who instigated the start of Regulus’ day). And while James got ready, Regulus would nuzzle into his husband’s side of the bed for the extra warmth and attempt to go back to sleep, but without James beside him it was hardly possible most days. 

They had made the decision when Harry was born that Regulus would stay home with him til he was old enough for the wizarding primary school Lily and Mary had founded. They had plenty of money from both James’ and Regulus’ inheritance, as well as the professional Quidditch salary James was bringing in. 

The family of three neither needed or wanted for anything, and this was certainly something that Regulus knew they were rather grateful for. And it was even better to have the ability to stay home with Harry every day. 

“I’ll be home later my love, and I think Remus is coming over later yeah? Since Sirius is going to the Pitch with me today.” James always spoke quietly to Regulus in the mornings as he finished preparing to leave and made his final stop to kiss Regulus goodbye. 

“Mhm,” The younger found himself nodding as he shifted to peek up to his husband when the bed sank slightly as James sat on the edge of the mattress where he could see him perfectly. “Yeah but he’s not coming til noon.” Regulus confirmed, knowing Remus was always happy to come and visit with him and Harry, even if it was one of his few days off from the bookshop he opened last spring. 

“Okay, well I should be back around two or three today I think. Maybe tonight we can all go to dinner? Can invite the others too, I think Caroline is feeling better so Lily and Mary should be able to make it out this time– it’s been a while.” One thing about James is he hated not seeing everyone for any extended period of time. And while it had only been a month since everyone else had all gotten together, for Caroline’s birthday last month actually- a month was far too long in the measure of time James had. 

But Regulus nodded anyway, he wouldn’t mind seeing everyone, and Harry always did love being around Caroline; regardless of their nearly year and a half age gap. “Yeah, talk to Marlene at practice and I’ll handle the others.” James grinned at this, leaning down to press a kiss to Regulus’ lips, brief– the same way he did every morning but still oh so sweet. 

“I’ll see you when I get home.” James spoke softly, placing one more kiss to Regulus’ lips before standing up. “I love you, give Harry a kiss for me.” 

“I love you, be safe.” 

“Always am.” 

The same as every morning. James wakes up, gets ready, kisses Regulus goodbye and tells him he loves him. 

Regulus stays in bed, accepts the kiss from his husband and tells him he loves him back and to be safe. 

And every morning, James gives his signature James Potter smile and tells Regulus ‘always am’. 

And Regulus’ morning continued as it always did.

Harry woke up a little over an hour after James left, soft shouts from his room alerting Regulus that their son had awoken. 

“Papa?” Harry’s small voice echoed through the house, Regulus, who was now already up and ready for the day himself since like usual he couldn’t fall asleep after James had gone off to the Pitch. 

Regulus made his way to Harry’s door, opening it to see the toddler sitting up on his new ‘big boy bed’ that they had upgraded to just two months prior and it thankfully went rather well considering how young Harry was, but he seemed to catch on rather quickly he didn’t need to do much more than call and one of his dad’s would be with him in moments. 

“Bonjour Mon Amour,” Regulus smiled at the young boy, who grinned at his papa with bright green eyes and hair that was sticking up in several different directions the same as James’ would. Neither would let Regulus do anything to tame the mess atop their heads.

“Bonjour Papa,” Harry mumbled back, lifting one of his arms up, while his favourite stuffed animal was stuffed beneath his other, clinging tightly to his body as it usually was. 

Regulus went to pick up Harry from his bed, despite the fact the young boy was more than capable of walking and usually had Regulus chasing him around most of the day. So when Harry wanted, Regulus had a rather difficult time saying no. Especially in moments like these where the first thing the young boy does is nuzzle his head into Regulus’ chest and cuddle against him. 

Regulus stroked some of Harry’s hair down, though it hardly did any good as he rocked Harry back and forth in his arms slightly on instinct. “Avez-vous bien dormi?” Regulus hummed to the boy, as he began walking them out of Harry’s room and down the hallway to the kitchen. It was easier to have breakfast before changing him from his pyjamas. 

Harry lifted his head, looking at Regulus and around to see where he was being taken to; as if it wasn’t his usual routine, before he let out a small hum in thought to his fathers question. 

“Oui, j'ai regardé des films dans mon sommeil! Avec oncle Pads.” Harry cheered slightly in Regulus’ arms, bouncing slightly at the mere thought of his Uncle Pads. But it was rather adorable, especially as Harry referred to his dreams as ‘watching a film in his sleep’. 

“Oh vraiment? Tellement cool Harry.” Regulus grinned, as he sat the young boy down on the counter for a moment. Harry stood up on the marbled surface but his arms reached out to wrap around Regulus’ neck, his small frame still pushed up against his fathers chest, giving Regulus’ a mouth full of hair till he turned his own head. “Que voudriez-vous pour le petit-déjeuner?” 

“Pancakes!”

“Crêpes.” Regulus gave a small correction, though he knew it hardly mattered. 

“Oui Papa, Crêpes!” Harry echoed his understanding, so Regulus moved the small boy off the counter and down to the ground so he could begin preparing the ingredients for pancakes for their breakfast- the muggle way. Once Effie had taught Regulus how to cook, well he grew rather fond of doing it all himself without the help of magic. Something small he could do for James every night when it was just the two of them, and now something for his family. 

Harry’s little feet toddled away into the living room, sitting on the carpet with his stuffed frog and his favourite new addition to the wide assortment of toys he had, a bright red fire truck that Marlene had seen and insisted he had to have. And Regulus could vaguely hear Harry speaking as himself, and as his frog- switching between languages perhaps subconsciously. 

James and Regulus had decided to raise Harry using one parent one language rather quickly.  Regulus and Sirius being fluent in French made it rather easy, and Harry rarely ever stumbled over either language depending on the parent he was speaking with. Even James' parents, Monty and Effie spoke to Harry in Hindi quite a bit so he was picking up on a third language as well. While James kept English with the young boy, seeing as he wouldn’t call himself fluent in Hindi and didn’t want to confuse Harry. And thus far had worked just as they intended. Though there were certainly times Regulus would just use English when it was more fitting, in large crowds or if he was addressing something to both James and Harry– but overall he was pleased with Harry’s progress in French. 

Regulus found himself mindlessly cooking his and Harry’s breakfast, glancing at the clock above the stove and seeing as it was only just a few minutes past eight in the morning, he didn’t rush. They didn’t have much to do that day, he would ask the others about dinner later in the day since not everyone was up with a toddler at this time, and he also knew Dorcas would just be getting in from her overnight shift at St.Mungos. And other than that, he and Harry had a rather uneventful day planned aside from Remus coming at noon. 

Regulus found himself considering going to the Park or asking Pandora if Luna fancied a playdate, the young girl was only a few months younger than Harry and they got on rather well. There was also the option of the Weasley’s, Harry got along well with Ron–though he was rather nervous simply due to the sheer size of the family, and with their most recent addition, young Ginny- well Regulus counted that option off the table for today at least. 

“Harry, viens ici s'il te plait!” Regulus called to the child as he finished cutting the last of the fruits he had added along to the crêpes so Harry at least had a bit of nutrition along with his breakfast. 

“À venir!” Harry’s voice carried through the distance as the paddle of his small feet echoed across the floor as the young boy came running into the kitchen, immediately going to Regulus, who just motioned with his hand to the table for Harry to go and sit. 

And as Harry climbed into his seat at the kitchen table, insisting he could do it himself ever since they transitioned him from the highchair to a booster at the actual table, Regulus brought the small boy’s plate with his cut into bite sized pieces of food on it. 

“Merci papa!” Harry cheered happily as he immediately grabbed his fork (in a way that made Regulus cringe regardless of how many times he had seen it) and began eating messily. Regulus brings his own plate over next and sits across from his toddler and eats breakfast as well. 

They eat and chat, Harry rambling nonsense about things he has done recently, or thought of doing (as if Regulus hadn’t spent nearly every single day with the child and knew this all always) but his father nodded along anyways. 

Their day brushed by smoothly, finishing breakfast and getting things cleaned up before doing the same with getting Harry ready for the day before Regulus found himself back in their living room on the carpeted floor playing building blocks with Harry. 

And it was quiet, just the subtle sounds of Harry moving around the carpet to grab certain blocks he wanted and proudly showing them to Regulus, who always met the enthusiasm his son showed. That was, until the floo network sounded. 

Regulus looked to the clock above the mantle, it was only a quarter past eleven and Remus had said he wouldn’t be around until noon, though he supposed he could be early. That was until a rather frantic looking Sirius tumbled through. 

“Sirius what are you–” Regulus glanced up to his brother from his spot on the ground, though was cut off by Harry. “Pads!” the young boy squealed, bouncing up from his spot and running to his uncle's side and immediately wrapping his small arms around Sirius’ leg. 

But Sirius didn’t meet Harry with the same enthusiasm he usually did. Sirius was always the first to cut off any conversation he was in to give his full attention to his godson. And Regulus found his mind lagging behind his body as he stood up. 

Sirius was here. 

It’s a quarter past eleven and Sirius is here. 

Why would Sirius be here? 

What was Sirius doing today? 

Sirius.. 

Sirius.. 

James. 

“What happened?” Regulus hardly trusted his own voice as he met Sirius’ wide and frantic grey eyes. His brother hardly looked like he processed his words as Harry whined at Sirius’ feet only to be ignored. The young boy’s head tilted in misunderstanding. 

“Sirius,”

“They were doing a scrimmage for practice. And–and– fuck–” Sirius’ words all flowed together, and Regulus felt as if he couldn’t breathe, the room felt smaller and as if he was being suffocated. 

“Sirius, where is my husband?” Though it was a question, it was more so demanded. Regulus’ voice is shockingly clear, loud, and commanding. 

“St.Mungos.” The hospital name fell from his lips quickly, swiftly. 

Regulus was making his way to the floo before his mind even realised, until Sirius’ arm reached out and grabbed ahold of Regulus before he could. 

“Let go of me.” The younger sibling felt himself pulling out of his brother's tightening grip with steady eyes but Sirius’ grip only tightened. 

“He’s alive Reggie, he’s just unconscious and–” 

“I don’t care Sirius let go of me! He’s my husband and I’ll be damned if he wakes up and I’m not there!” Regulus felt as though that was obvious. He needed to be with James, he needed to be. Now. He needed to see for himself that James was alright, to know he was alright. Otherwise it was just words given to him, and he couldn’t take it just being words. Regulus needed James. 

“Da?” It was Harry’s small voice that seemed to remind Regulus he couldn’t just go. Both Black brothers find themselves looking down to the small boy who had migrated closer to Regulus rather than Sirius in the mere moments it had been. 

Oh Gods.

“Harry, come here.” Regulus shakily leaned down, pulling his arm out of Sirius’ grip to open his arms for his son to scurry into. 

“Papa? Où est Da?” Harry’s voice was curious, but not in its usual childlike way. Regulus knew that Harry had picked up on the fact something was wrong. And he had no idea how to answer the small boy. 

“Oh Harry.” Regulus breathed out, just pulling him closer into his arms and breathing in a deep breath as Harry seemed to understand his fathers uncertainty of how to answer and sank himself deeper into Regulus’ arms. 

“He can’t go to the hospital, Reggie.” Sirius swallowed thickly at his words as he met his brother's eyes. A silent understanding passing between them. 

James was in no condition for Harry to see. James was hurt. James was hurt enough that his two year old son couldn’t see him. James. James. Why is Regulus still here again?

“I know that Sirius. Fuck–” Regulus snapped unintentionally but the tone caused Harry to whine in his arms. “Who’s with him? You didn’t leave him alone did you?”

“No, Merlin no. Marlene is up there now. She was calling Dorcas to get her to come back in when I left to come get you. But he’s unconscious still–”

“What am I supposed to do right now? I need to go.” Regulus’ eyes flickered down to Harry as if Sirius needed the reminder of their current situation, but at the mention of Regulus needing to go- he felt Harry’s small grip tighten on his shirt. 

“I could pop home and get Remus? I’m sure he could take Harry?” Sirius suggested, but they both knew Remus could and would take Harry, but would have no idea how to truly keep him calm now. Remus would be worried sick as soon as he heard the news and while Harry’s favourite uncle, wasn’t exactly trained in the art of hiding emotions from a two year old. 

“No no.” Regulus shook his head, a moment of silence passing between them. “Can you take him to Effie and Monty?” Regulus rushed the words out the second the idea sparked in his mind. 

“Effie and Monty? Wouldn’t they want to come to the hospital as well?” But Regulus was already shaking his head as he shifted Harry in preparation to hand him over to Sirius. 

“They can prioritise Harry right now. I’ll go and get him as soon as I can figure something out. But you know he won’t go to just anyone and they can keep him distracted long enough for me to get there and find out what the hell is going on with my husband and not have to worry about Harry.” Regulus knew it was perhaps not the perfect option, but he knew his in-laws would understand Regulus’ position right now and keep an eye on Harry better than any one of their friends could right now. 

“Yeah yeah okay.” Sirius wasn’t going to waste time arguing with his brother, which Regulus was thankful for and opened his arms up to take Harry. 

“Non!” The young boy screamed as the second Sirius’ hands touched him and clung closer to Regulus. 

“Harry please,” Regulus’ mind had ditched any efforts of speaking to the boy in French, despite the fact he knew Harry was expecting him too. He needed to be sure Harry understood him clearly, and without any room for question. “Uncle Pads is gonna take you to Nan’s while I go see Da okay? And I’ll come get you very soon, I need you to be a big boy for me and go with uncle Pads though.” Regulus spoke calmly but quickly as he ran a hand over the back of Harry’s head- still trying to loosen the boy's grip on him. 

“Da! Want Da!” Harry was clearly crying now, even if he was shielding his face in Regulus’ shoulder. It was obvious to the brothers that Harry had picked up on the fact something was wrong with James, enough to warrant his other fathers attention. 

“Harry, I have to go okay. You’re going to Nan and Pops until I come get you later.” Regulus hated telling Harry he had to go somewhere, he usually let him make that call– never wanting Harry to feel uncomfortable. But Regulus knew he would be fine with Effie and Monty. 

Sirius seemed to understand just how long this was going to take, and took the initiative to place his hands between Regulus’s on his Godson and take Harry from Regulus. Which the brother was thankful for, helping him gently move Harry further into Sirius’ grip rather than his own. 

“No Papa!” Harry’s eyes were tear stained, green eyes shining brightly as he thrashed around once Sirius had a stable hold on him. 

“I’m sorry mon amour, I have to go.” Regulus hated seeing Harry like this, but he needed to go- he had to go. “Je t'aime Harry. Je viendrai te chercher bientôt promis.” 

“He’ll be fine Reg don’t worry, I got him– I’ll be at the hospital as soon as I drop him at Effie and Monty’s. Go.” Sirius seemed to know Regulus was having a hard time stepping away from Harry who remained a sobbing and incoherent mess. 

“Go,” Sirius encouraged lightly, though Regulus could have been just as worried as he was. 

“Thank you, Thank you. I’m sorry– oh I’m sorry.” Regulus’ fumbled through his words as he slipped the first pair of his shoes on that he saw and was stepping through the floo with a handful of floo powder and calling out St.Mungos. The sound of his sobbing toddler being hushed by his brother fading away as he came through the floo network at St.Mungos. 

Regulus wasted no time, rushing to the nearest receptionist desk, ignoring the crowd of people in the waiting rooms. “James Potter? Where is he?” Regulus didn’t care for formalities as he usually would, the words spilling from his lips all rushed together. The woman working the reception looked slightly startled before regaining her composure. 

“Relation to the patient?” Oh for fucks sake. 

“I’m his husband, where is he?” Regulus tapped his hand frantically on the marbled countertop, the witch looking rather unconvinced as she took in Regulus’ dishevelled appearance. “Yes hello, me. I’m his husband. Regulus Black-Potter. Where the fuck is James Potter or so help me–” Regulus felt his fuse lit to its end as the words began spilling fom his lips.

“Regulus?” His head shot to the side, seeing Marlene just a few feet away. 

“Thank fuck.” Regulus breathed out, pushing off of the reception desk as he quickly made the short distance to Marlene. Taking in the blonde's appearance, still in her quidditch gear from practice, her hair sticking in a whirlwind of different directions from her ponytail. But that wasn’t what stuck with Regulus, no. It was the blood staining her Chudley Cannons practice uniform and gloves. 

“Marlene tell me that isn’t his blood all over you.” Regulus knew it was useless, who else would it be from? And from the slight quiver in the girls lip- Regulus felt himself breath in a breath that felt like a branding iron burning down his throat. 

“What did Sirius tell you?” Marlene, in her defence, didn't tell him either way whose blood it was as she began walking, Regulus following alongside as she clearly knew where James was and he was quite frankly willing to follow anyone with the slightest promise to seeing him again. 

“Nothing. I had Harry– there wasn’t time. What the fuck happened?” Regulus couldn’t stop looking at the blood all over her. Why was there so much blood? James is a good flyer, his broom is up to date on maintenance, and the weather was clear. So what the fuck happened?

“I don’t–” Marlene paused in her wording, shaking her head as if ridding herself of a thought. “We were playing a scrimmage match with the Falcons. It was normal, like it always is.” She paused, a crease between her eyebrows as she recalled the events with distaste. “We all heard a crash, I looked over and he was just falling Reg. I don’t– a bludger hit him in the head apparently when he was going for a quaffle which ended up splitting his broom. And he just- he fell.” The end of her words were just simply breathed into the air. They sounded unbelievable. 

James Potter doesn’t just fall. 

“Where the fuck were the beaters? He’s a chaser, a bludger shouldn’t have had the chance to hit him.” Regulus forced out as they came to a stop in front of a room. And Regulus could tell from the amount of healers standing nearby this was where James was. And just from the vast amount of healers in the surrounding area, Regulus felt as if he was going to be sick any minute. 

“The trainers casted charms to try and break the fall, but it all happened so fast.” Marlene knew she didn’t need to answer Regulus’ question, there was no reasonable explanation as to why a bludger could have hit a chaser, could have hit James. 

But Regulus found whatever Marlene was saying didn’t quite matter as much as the sight before him. 

The glass wall that separated James and Regulus right now gave the younger boy a perfect view of his husband. The amount of healers outside of his room seemed to have been from the influx when they first arrived. Now only a mediwitch remained, who appeared to be writing down something. Regulus hardly paid her any mind, his eyes having found James. 

And he looked awful. 

James’ usual brown skin was far too pale to be the same man who had kissed Regulus bye just hours before. His head was wrapped, though a deep red stain had already formed on the white bandaging. Blood. More than what was already coating Marlene. His leg was elevated, though not casted which Regulus could count as a win– at least the break was able to be fixed with a potion over the next day. He was still unconscious from what Regulus could tell. But he still just looked so different. Regulus secretly had just hoped he would pop up with a goofy grin shouting ‘You should have seen your face!’, but it never came. 

“Mr.Potter?” Regulus had no idea how long he had stood there just staring from the other side of the glass til a Healer approached him.

“Black-Potter.” Regulus breathed out in correction, uselessly really, as he didn’t even bring his eyes away from James’ body. There was no reason for it, other than the fact it had become second nature to correct whoever didn’t refer to him as both. 

“My apologies Mr.Black-Potter, would you like to go in now and see your husband while we discuss his condition?” The healer's voice was nice, calm- which was good right? 

There was no need to panic. James would be fine. James had to be fine. 

Regulus still felt like he couldn’t breathe, his eyes glued to the rise and fall of James’ chest. He was breathing- that could be enough for the both of them for now. 

And he gave a sharp nod to the healer, following him into James room– though found himself flinching at the sound of the door closing. He knew Marlene was still standing on the other side, and Sirius should be arriving any minute now. But Regulus was James’ next of kin– he was who the information of his care had to be delivered too. 

Regulus absentmindedly made his way to James’ side without even thinking about the fact he was moving towards him. Though his hand seemed to hoover for a moment over James’ lifeless one, scared to touch him and not feel the usual warmth that James produced. 

“Now Mr.Black-Potter, I am Healer Davis, have you been made aware of exactly how your husband ended up here today?” 

“Quidditch injury.” 

“Yes, that is correct.” Healer Davis paused, causing Regulus to finally lift his eyes off of his husband as his hand settled over James’ own. 

It was still warm. 

“Your husband took quite a fall today, from the report I’d say a good ten to fifteen metre drop. As well as a blow to the head from a bludger and to the leg when his broom snapped.” Healer Davis met Regulus' eye, not faltering over his words. “We were able to administer a potion for his leg, which should healed up rather well by the end of the day. Though we would still recommend him taking it easy on moving around too much for at least the next week. That is if we are able to discharge him.” 

If we are able to. 

Regulus nodded, swallowing thickly at the information he was given thus far. “What else?” He knew there was more, something they were building up to acknowledging. 

“With the bludger to the head, as well as the rather drastic fall. We have no way of knowing just how extensive the brain damage he may have is. There is, of course, always the chance there is none, from the diagnostic spells and scans we can tell he has no bleeding in the brain– it could very well only be a concussion. But there is no way to know until he wakes up. And due to the nature of his injury, and that uncertainty– there is no way we can currently give him any potion to keep him asleep while his body naturally begins the healing process. We need him to wake up, and soon.” 

From the healer's tone, Regulus knew they didn’t believe it was only a concussion. Healer Davis only added that in for a comforting element, to attempt to lessen the weight of his words. 

“He will wake up though, right?” Regulus truthfully wasn’t entirely sure he wanted an answer to this- in his mind James could just be sleeping. 

He needed James to just be sleeping. James was– well James is his best friend. Sure he says it’s Evan or Barty, some days Pandora. But everyone knows it really is James. 

They weren’t just married, and co-existing in pure comfort. They are raising a toddler together, and sneaking kisses over cooking dinner when Harry wasn’t looking, arguing over paint colours and who got to pick the record for the night. They couldn’t even properly sleep without the other (full moons had certainly proved this). 

James has to wake up.

 He has to wake up because they have a toddler at home who needs him. 

He has to wake up because Sirius needs him, as well as Remus, Peter, Marlene, Lily, Mary, all of their friends really. 

He has to wake up because his parents need him. 

He has to wake up because Regulus needs him. 

Regulus knows that there is no world in which he can do this alone, he needs James. 

“His vitals are strong, we have no reason to believe he won’t wake up. And with no potions subduing him– it is only a matter of time now. We will be able to assess more when your husband wakes up.” Healer Davis stated rather convincingly. James will wake up, he has to. 

Regulus nodded rapidly, soaking in the information though he sort of felt like everything was happening so quickly. His vision felt fuzzy and his head was pounding, but none of that compared to the dull ache in his stomach, feeling as if his heart had plummeted into it and was being ripped apart. 

“Once he’s awake we’ll know more?” Regulus knew the answer, but he felt he needed confirmation. But the healer didn’t seem to mind as he nodded in confirmation again, “Once he’s awake we will know more Mr.Black-Potter, I assure you. Your husband is in the best possible care.” 

Swallowing a thick breath Regulus felt himself nod again. “Okay, Okay.” His eyes falling back down to James. 

Healer Davis excused himself, leaving Regulus alone with James– which Regulus was grateful for, even if he didn’t really acknowledge the healer past that. He knew it was rude, not speaking more with the staff that was caring for his husband. But he truly couldn’t bring himself to care that much right now.

“Oh you bloody idiot.” Regulus whispered as he sat down in a chair pulled up to James’ bedside. His voice cracked and truthfully just an echo of life in himself as his eyes took in every single detail of James’ face. 

“You bloody fucking idiot James Potter, I’m going to kill you for this–” Regulus felt the tears gathering in his eyes as he tilted his head back in attempts to stop them. Not caring how ridiculous it was, talking to James like this. Talking to someone who couldn’t even hear him. “We have a baby at home James, we have Harry. Merlin you want–” Regulus paused, choking on a broken sob that forced its way out of his throat without warning. 

“You’re never playing quidditch again, never.” Regulus brought James’ hand to his lips, kissing it softly as tears just fell silently from his eyes that he couldn’t tear away. 

“I’m never letting you out of my sight again.” A whisper was all it was, breathed into James’ hand that Regulus was holding onto like his lifeline. And he didn’t care how ridiculous it sounded, how unimaginable the statement was, how unreasonable. 

Because his heart was being ripped apart, and the only thing Regulus knew could put it back together again was lying lifelessly in a hospital bed.

___

Bonjour Mon Amour - Good Morning my love.

Bonjour Papa - Good Morning Papa

Avez-vous bien dormi - Did you sleep well?

Oui, j'ai regardé des films dans mon sommeil! Avec oncle Pads. - Yes, i watched films in my sleep! With uncle Pads!

Oh vraiment? Tellement cool Harry. - Oh really? Very cool Harry.

Que voudriez-vous pour le petit-déjeuner? - What would you like for breakfast?

Crêpes - Pancakes

Oui Papa, Crêpes! - Yes Papa, Pancakes!

Harry, viens ici s'il te plait! - Harry come here please!

À venir! - Coming!

Merci papa! - Thank you papa!

Papa? Où est Da? - Papa? Where is Da?

Non! - No!

Je t'aime Harry. Je viendrai te chercher bientôt promis. - I love you Harry. I'll pick you up soon I promise.

Chapter Text

Hours had passed. 

James had not woken up. 

And Regulus could not bring himself to move from his seat at his husband's bedside. He remained there, hand still holding James’ tightly, his fingers rested against the thudding beat in James’ wrist– just assuring himself it was still there. 

Alive. 

Sirius had shown up not long after Healer Davis left Regulus alone with James. He could hear his brother questioning healers outside the door, demanding answers, while Remus shushed Sirius and tried to get the information in a more calm and respectful way. 

Regulus could feel their eyes on him, on James, through the glass. He could hear the greeting of other members of James’ friends– well he supposed they were also his friends. Dorcas was also a healer, though not working and he could faintly hear her soothing Marlene. He could hear them, feel their eyes, and he was thankful everyone wasn’t rushing in and out of the room. 

The silence was daunting. The lack of movement from James only made Regulus more anxious, he should have woken up by now. Healer Davis said he had no potions keeping him unconscious- and James is an active mover in his sleep. 

So why isn’t he moving? 

Regulus has complained since the first night they spent together of James’ obnoxious movements when he was sleeping. The first few times he was even convinced James was doing it just to be an arsehole. But it continued even now, living together for four years– and James always moved. 

But right now, Regulus would give anything for him to just move. 

He had no idea of how much time had passed, not truly. It all felt blurred together. Like it had been both just a second and also a lifetime. It all happened so quickly that Regulus almost didn’t hear Sirius step inside the room- closing the door behind him quietly, neither brother speaking for a moment– just both simply existing in a shared feeling of misery. 

“How was Harry?” Regulus eventually asked, his voice hoarse but steady as he turned to look at Sirius, who was standing at the foot of the hospital bed with his hands on the frame. 

“A mess honestly.” Sirius sighed out, giving a small shrug of the shoulders but Regulus frowned. 

“He calmed down though? Once he was with Effie and Monty?” Regulus knew Harry was still so young, his emotions bounced around quicker than anyone could keep up with. 

“Yeah he did, it took a bit though. He kept switching to French when any of us tried to speak to him for the first little bit. I think he forgot I also spoke French and thought if none of us could understand him you would have to come and get him. Once he realised, he tried switching to Hindi- and with Effie and Monty right there,” Sirius shook his head, “He was frustrated really and language hopping proved to be ineffective and made it worse for a few minutes.” 

Regulus couldn’t help but offer a small smile at the thought of Harry switching languages in attempts to get what he wanted. A Slytherin in the making. But he also felt awful that he was unable to give Harry what he wanted. He and James were always there when Harry wanted them and Regulus felt sick at the idea of that being denied to Harry. 

“Did you stay til he calmed down?” Regulus knew it was slightly an unfair ask, Harry was not Sirius’ responsibility and in Effie and Monty’s care, he knew Harry was perfectly safe. 

“Of course Reggie.” Sirius immediately assured, “I wasn’t going to leave him and make it worse. Monty eventually got him to calm down– you know how good they are with him.” Regulus did know. Monty and Effie were phenomenal with Harry. Granted they were amazing people in general, taking Sirius in the night he ran away at sixteen, and doing the same thing for Regulus in the middle of his seventh year at Hogwarts when he followed in his brother's footsteps– sort of, Regulus was kicked out. 

“Thank you.” Regulus knew he didn’t have to thank Sirius, he certainly wasn’t expecting it. But it felt necessary anyway. “Are Monty and Effie alright? I know springing a toddler on them when their son is in the hospital isn’t ideal but–” 

“They are fine Regulus really. They understood as soon as I explained it to them, they’ll come whenever James is awake and Harry can go off to one of us. You needed to be here, and Harry needed to be with someone you both trust.” Sirius was clearly in big brother mode, usually not being this soft with Regulus, but Sirius was always there when he needed him to be. “And you don’t have to thank me for helping with my Godson, ever.” 

Regulus forced a smile, meeting Sirius’ eyes but the moment he did– seeing his brother look at him with such sympathy.. Regulus felt his lip quiver slightly as he tilted his head back and sunk back into the chair he was sitting in, his hand gripping James’. 

“Awe Reggie.” Sirius whispered out, rounding the hospital bed til he was at Regulus’ side. Though Regulus just closed his eyes, unable to look at Sirius because then he would just cry, and cry, and if he was truly honest he didn’t think he would ever stop if he truly started. 

“Regulus hey, James is gonna be fine. The healers expect he’ll wake up soon alright. He’ll be okay, he has to be.” Sirius was speaking to Regulus, but he suspected his brother needed to remind himself of that fact as well. 

James and Sirius– Merlin, they were quite literally born to exist with the other. Never one without the other. Best friends since the first time they laid eyes on one another. Regulus hated it at first, feeling second to someone in Sirius’ life, but at eleven years old even Regulus was made to understand the first time he saw them together. He wanted to hate James, truly he did. But how could he hate someone who made his favourite person in the world so happy? 

“We have a family.” Regulus choked on the word, “I can’t do this without him Sirius, I can’t live without him. Harry can’t. And– and– the healers don’t even know how bad it is yet, because he hadn’t woken up. Why hasn’t he woken up Sirius?” Regulus’ voice was hardly above a whisper, and he felt his older brother's arms wrap around him in a hug, and for the first time since entering the room- Regulus’ hand slipped from James’ to cling to Sirius. 

“It’s James, he’s not going to be taken out by a bloody bludger Reggie. He’s too stubborn. He’s fine. He’ll be fine.” Regulus felt like he was five years old again, hiding behind his big brother from the pain of reality– blindly trusting whatever Sirius told him because his brother wouldn’t lie to him. Sirius would always protect him.

Regulus didn’t reply past a slight nod of his head against Sirius’ shoulder. Neither pulling away for a few moments, both needing this, needing someone who understands the weight of James Potter on their hearts. 

“Why don’t you get some rest, yeah? I’ll sit up with him– wake you if anything changes.” Sirius mumbled once they finally pulled apart, but Regulus immediately shook his head. 

“No no, I need to see him.” 

“Reg it’s late, you haven’t gotten any rest– just, you can stay in here and rest a bit, you’ll hardly be of any use to anyone if you’re falling over from exhaustion.” Sirius’ hand motioned over to the uncomfortable hospital soft on the other side of the room. Regulus silently glanced over towards the clock for the first time since he arrived to see it was already nearing one in the morning. 

Regulus had no idea how he didn’t notice the day turned to night– though he did know time hadn’t really felt existent. 

“Sirius,” Regulus made a face of uncertainty at his brother, before looking back down to where James remained soundly asleep. His hand reaching back down to his husbands, relieved at the pulsating he could feel as his fingers pressed against James’ wrist– it felt real, more real than the rise and fall of his chest at least. 

“I’ll be right here the entire time, I promise. You need some sleep Reggie, you think he would be happy to see you like this? Take care of you,” Sirius stressed, “and you can do that from literally a whole two metres away on the sofa.” 

“I can’t sleep without him.” It was whispered, and Regulus felt pathetic even saying it out loud. Regardless of how true it was, it felt childish. Unable to sleep without James the same way their two year old can’t sleep without his stuffed frog. For Merlin's sake he was twenty two years old. 

Sirius seemed to sympathise with this however, perhaps because he too knew the difficulty of sleeping without your partner. And briefly Regulus’ mind crossed over where their friends were– he couldn’t see them standing outside the door any longer, and with the hour he was sure at least a few went home for some rest. But a part of him was betting on the fact Remus Lupin was in the waiting room. But he didn’t dwell long on that thought. 

“He’s still here, you’ll be right here too. Just try yeah?” 

Reluctantly, Regulus crossed the room to the sofa that sat just a few feet from the hospital bed where James was still visible to him, watching as his brother occupied the seat where he once sat right at James’ side. 

He laid down hesitantly, feeling Sirius’ eyes when he would glance up– as if to ensure Regulus was doing as he was told. And he did, mostly. Lying down on the terribly uncomfortable sofa, though he didn’t quite have it in him to even cast a cushioning charm. He doubted he would get much rest anyways. 

The room fell silent again, and Regulus simply watched James’ chest rise and fall with every breath, finding himself sinking his own breathing up to when James was inhaling and exhaling. And after another indistinguishable amount of time, Regulus felt his eyes grow heavy, slowly closing despite his best efforts to keep watching the rise and fall. Eventually the tug taking over, and with one small last glance to Sirius, who true to his word was watching James just as he promised. 

Regulus felt himself falling asleep, to the echo of Sirius’ quiet voice. 

“You gotta wake up Prongs, I need you.”A nearly silent sob cutting him off, “he needs you.” 

And then nothing. 

–

Pounding.

One. 

Two.

Pressure. 

Pounding. 

James could hear voices around him, but none sounded clear. Fogged together as if they were one incoherent mess. And he couldn't move. 

He tried, or at least he thought he did– though he was only met with a sharp pain tingling down his left leg that almost made him forget about the pounding of his head. Almost. 

And then nothing. 

He must have fallen asleep again, because the next time he could remember hearing voices– they were at least distinshuable to be at least three different people, but identifying them felt rather impossible. 

And then nothing. 

The third time, well this time James felt quite a bit stronger than the previous two. There was no pain shooting down his leg when he attempted to move it. And the voices– was that Sirius? 

“It’s been two days! Why is he not awake yet? You said he would wake up, there was no reason as to why he wouldn’t. What is wrong with him?” Sirius seemed stressed, his tone loud, loud enough James was quite sure it was Sirius. 

Two days? 

“Mr Black– we have kept a watchful eye on Mr.Potter’s condition, nothing has worsened. We would even say his leg is back to optimal health with such a short recovery time. These things just take time.” An unknown voice echoed back to Sirius, attempting to sooth him. James wanted to warn the unlucky individual, there was no soothing an impatient Sirius Black, well.. Remus could but that certainly wasn’t Remus. 

“How much more time do we have to wait? If he’s not waking up on his own. Wake. Him. Up.” The words sounded as if they were spoken through gritted teeth. 

“Sirius please.” Oh that voice sounded familiar, though James’ couldn’t quite place it. Familiar but not close, not like Sirius’. “Don’t harass Healer Davis. It’s not his fault James hasn’t woken up yet.” The voice sounded… sad. It may have been familiar, but it was painful to listen too. Lifeless, as if they were in pain too. 

But the way his name fell from the familiar voice felt proper. As if it whispered it a million times in a thousand different ways, it was intimate. James liked that. Who was that? 

“Don’t act like this isn’t killing you. If they have a way to force him awake– do it.” Sirius was pleading now, with both of the others in the room. 

“Of course it’s killing me Sirius– He’s my–” What? Why did the voice stop, a painful stop. James wanted to plead with whoever it was to keep speaking, he liked the sound of their voice. “I want him awake. More than anyone– but he has to, fuck he has to do it on his own. We don’t know what damage was done from the bludger, giving him something could do more harm. And we will not be doing anything that could do more harm.” Oh, this person had an edge to them, leaving no room to be questioned. 

Though that hardly seemed fair, why should they be making choices on James’ condition? Sirius wouldn’t ever let anything happen to him. James knew this with certainty. 

Wait- bludger? It’s April, why would James have been playing Quidditch? Let alone be hit by a bludger? 

I’m a chaser.

“Reg please–” 

“Did he just try and talk?” Mystery voice cut Sirius off. Wait. Did Sirius say Reg? 

Regulus?

What is Regulus Black doing here? Why would Regulus Black get to make any choice for James? That should be Sirius’ call if it’s between those two. 

“James? Hey- James? Can you hear me?” Myst- Regulus voice had significantly shifted as James heard it with far more clarity– so soft, so pretty. Why did Regulus Black sound concerned about James’ condition? He hadn’t so much as looked in his direction since the start of term. 

James felt people closing in, footsteps closer, voices hushed and vaguely felt the warmth of human life radiating around him as he was surrounded. 

His head still hurt, though with all the strength he could gather attempted to turn his head towards the sound of voices. 

“Mr Potter? Mr Potter, if you can hear me, I am Healer Davis, you are safe and currently at St.Mungos, could you open your eyes for me?” Healer Davis, James now concluded, was at his side as well. 

Open his eyes? Oh that seemed easy enough. James could certainly do that. Or so he thought. 

It should have been easy, simple– and the room fell rather quiet, though James could feel the warmth of a hand on his own. And the simple idea of opening his eyes, as he did every morning, suddenly was far harder than he anticipated. Though after a moment, James felt the brightness of the room he was in pouring into his eyes, causing him to squint at the harsh contrast from the darkness he felt so used to. 

“Oh thank fuck,” Sirius breathed, James went to turn his head to find Sirius but Healer Davis stopped him, bringing a light to James’ eye level. 

“Follow the light for me Mr Potter.” So James did, following the light, before blinking rapidly still attempting to get used to light, suddenly becoming rather aware of the stiffness in all of his body. 

“Don’t suppose a lad could get a glass of water around here huh?” James hardly recognized his own voice, it was hoarse and raddled slightly, but by the slight grin on Healer Davis’ face that he was slowly beginning to make out– hoarse and raddled was fine. 

“Mr Black, could you step out and ask a mediwitch to bring some water in here please?” Healer Davis glanced to the other side of what James had realised in a hospital bed. 

“Yes, oh thank fuck yes.” James could practically hear the grin on Sirius’ face even if he couldn’t see it, even as Sirius bolted out the door practically with a skip in his step. He would no doubt be back within moments. 

Though when Sirius left, the warm and soft grip on his hand didn’t disappear, striking confusion as his thoughts hadn’t fully kept up or really been all to understandable. 

Turning his head to the side, away from Healer Davis, who didn’t object to losing James’ focus. James was met with a foggy vision of soft dark curls, pale skin and green eyes. 

Regulus. 

Why is Regulus here?

“Hi,” James found himself mumbling to the boy anyways, a soft murmur as he took in the details of Regulus Black before him. 

He looked different, in a way James almost couldn’t pinpoint. His hair was longer than he remembered– though he hadn’t seen him in the halls much, fifth years were taking their OWLS soon so James was sure Regulus was held up like the others studying at odd hours of the day. But that wasn't it. 

Sure Regulus’ hair was longer, but he also looked more defined, more… grown up? 

“Hi,” Regulus grinned back at him, a soft voice that was full of something James didn’t quite understand. “You gave everyone quite the scare you know,” James raised an eyebrow in slight confusion. 

“Including you?” 

Regulus lightly scuffed, rolling his eyes. “No definitely not me, I hardly even noticed you were out,” affection. That’s what is in his voice, affection. Regulus Black is being soft with him, affectionate. But James didn’t understand why. 

“Why? You hate me.” James’ voice was laced with confusion as he watched Regulus, who at his words matched James’ confused expression. 

“Hate you? What are you–” Something flashed across Regulus’ eyes that James didn’t quite catch, though it appeared to hurt, whatever it was. 

James tilted his head slightly, still looking curiously up at Regulus, soon feeling Regulus’ hand slowly lift up from his own. James found himself frowning at this, Regulus had felt warm against his skin– and even if he didn’t know why, didn’t like the absence of the younger boy’s hand.

Regulus’ lips parted ever so slightly, his head snapping towards Healer Davis who seemed to pick up on whatever Regulus had. “We won’t know the damage til he wakes up?” Regulus’ voice was shaking, as he looked directly through Healer Davis it seemed. 

The healer met Regulus’ eyes with a soft frown, head dropping in what looked to be silent confirmation. “We’ll have to run some tests, it is not unusual for patients with head trauma to experience–” 

“I got water!” Sirius cheered walking back through the hospital room door, a grin plastered on his lips as Remus followed closely behind. 

“Sirius,” James moved slightly, propping himself up on his elbows to look at his best friends who were entering the room, both with wide smiles though stopped in their tracks once their eyes settled on Regulus. James found himself turning to follow, to try and understand. But Regulus’ back was turned towards him. 

“What’s wrong?” Sirius' voice went from cheering to shattered so quickly, looking between the three on the other side of the room. 

“I don’t- I don’t know.” James mumbled truthfully, causing Regulus to quickly turn back to face him, frantic eyes meeting within a moment's notice– as if they were always searching for one another. 

“Mr Potter,” Healer Davis spoke clearly, James’ head snapping to turn and look at the healer. If anyone had answers as to what the actual fuck was going on it would be him. “Hmm?” James hummed in soft confusion. 

“I’m going to ask you a few questions and I need you to answer them for me alright?” 

“Alright.”

The room fell silent, uncomfortably so. 

“What’s your full legal name?” 

“James Fleamont Potter.” 

“And do you know what day it is today?” 

James paused, frowning- “Uh, I don’t know, April 16th?” Uncertainty clear in his voice, he vaguely remembered someone mentioning it had been some amount of days since he wound himself up in St.Mungos, though he wasn’t entire sure of how long they had said.

“The year as well Mr Potter, if you would.” 

James felt himself perk up just a bit, that one was easy at least-

“2015.”

“And one last question, who is the current Minister of Magic?” 

“Archer Evermonde.” 

Healer Davis nodded, giving off no expression as he turned to write something down in a rather large case. 

The room was silent, and James frowned slightly at that. Shouldn’t they be proud? He answered everything just fine. Though turning to look at the other again proved to be rather devastating. 

Sirius looked beaten down, lips agape as Remus seemed to be the most composed. No surprise there really, Moony always maintained himself better. And the longer James looked at them, the more confused he seemed to get. 

Sirius’ hair was longer, his face sharper. James could see the peaking out of several tattoos beneath his best friend's long sleeved shirt that he was certain were not there last time he saw him. And Remus, well Moony looked good if James was honest. Far more alive than usual, still wrapped up in a sweater though from what James could tell was accompanied with a few new scars. Completely healed scars. 

And Regulus– oh James may not have particularly known the boy but he looked sick. Like he quite literally would be bolting out of the room at any moment all the while also looking as if he felt nothing. Numb. Regulus looked numb, no hint of the soft grin James had been met with before. 

And James just felt confused, glancing between all of them waiting for someone to say something. But the silence was loud, it was so loud. 

“What’s wrong?” James eventually managed to force out, unable to ignore the sight out of the corner of his eye of Regulus flinching at the sound of his voice. 

“Pads? What’s wrong?” But Sirius just opened his lips, though no words slipped through before he closed them again. “Why is your brother here Pads? Why are you looking at me like that? Why are you all looking at me like something is wrong?” James couldn’t help the small whine at the end of his words. 

This all felt so- overwhelming. Why was no one talking to him?

“Mr Potter, you only answered one of the three questions I asked you correctly.” Healer Davis broke the silence no one else had been willing to. 

“What? No that's impossible– I mean obviously I know my own name. And Even if I’m a day or two off on the date doesn’t mean I should be entirely wrong Healer Davis. And I know Evermonde is the Minister, my dad went to Hogwarts with him you know.” James rambled, stumbling only slightly on his words. 

“While you are correct, Evermonde is still Minister of Magic. I’m afraid your other two answers aren’t.” 

“My name is James Potter.” Oh they had to be fucking with him now– “Where’s Wormtail? What kind of bullshit prank is this really? Not funny.” Looking at Sirius who still seemed frozen in his spot, Remus just silently shook his head.

“Not a prank Prongs.” 

Healer Davis cleared his throat, causing James to turn back to him rather quickly. “As for your name. You are James Potter, yes. But two years ago you hyphenated, to James–”

“James Fleamont Black-Potter.” Regulus finished Healer Davis’ words. 

“Black-Potter?” James gave a small frown, eyes dropping to his lap as he shook his head. “That’s not possible. I mean Moony and Pads are clearly together.” James raised his head to Regulus, his arm lifting to point to Remus and Sirius, “And no offence mate, you’re not really my type.” James gave a mock smile to Sirius, who didn’t return it. 

“You didn’t marry me prongs.” 

“But that doesn’t,” James huffed, his head pounding, none of this made sense. If his last name was now Black-Potter, and he didn’t marry Sirius (which he could have told you himself, unless they got plastered one night and tied the knot), well then that made no sense. 

The only other Black was–

Oh. 

Oh.

Regulus.

The affectionate grin and playful tone. The concern. 

“Me and,” James paused, meeting Regulus’ eye gave him all the confirmation he needed. “But– that's– what? Wait– No! You said two years ago? What.. What year is it?” Back to Healer Davis, who somehow still looked calm while James felt as if he was drowning in information.

“It’s January 28th 2022.” 

F u c k. 

Chapter Text

Regulus felt sick. 

It was all ringing freshly in his head, over and over again. James didn’t remember him, didn’t remember any of it. 

Not their relationship at Hogwarts. 

Not when Regulus was kicked out and ended up living with the Potters. 

Not when they moved in together. 

Or the night he brought up starting a family (quite literally a week after Regulus graduated from Hogwarts).

Not the fact he somehow got Regulus to agree and they now had a two year old son. 

James remembered none of it. Nothing. 

Seven years vanished from his memory. 

Regulus felt sick.

It had been a few hours since James woke up and the discovery of his memory loss had been made. Since, Healers had flooded in and out of the room, a series of tests were being conducted in attempts to assess exactly how much damage may have been done. And Regulus, along with Sirius and Remus had been removed from the room in the meantime. 

Regulus was sort of thankful for that if he was honest. While he wanted to be near James, see him and relish in the fact that he’s awake, he truly did. But he couldn’t handle the way James was looking straight through him– not even the slightest hint of how James had looked at him just two mornings ago, full of love and light. No this James, James who existed seven years ago, didn’t care about Regulus Black. 

“Reggie?” Sirius eventually broke the silence the three had established. Remus hadn’t dared even mumble a single word to Sirius since they found themselves sitting in the waiting room of St.Mungos. It was nearing night time now, and thankfully most visitors were gone since technically visiting hours were over. 

“Reg?” Sirius tried again, but Regulus couldn’t bring himself to form any sort of response. His eyes were fixed on a copy of Witch Weekly sitting on a table in the middle of the room– though if he was honest he hadn’t even read a single word printed on it. 

Regulus felt sick. 

“Regulus–”

“Sirius.” Remus ended up speaking up, and Regulus could almost hear the shake of his head even as Remus spoke gently to Sirius. “Not now.” And it must have worked– the sound of Sirius slumping back in his own seat was heard, no doubt leaning himself on Remus now. 

The three fell into silence once more. 

Regulus didn’t know what to make of the situation, it was unreal. He had been preparing himself for challenges when James woke up– issues with speaking, hand eye coordination, perhaps even issues hearing seeing where the bludger had hit him. He had even prepared for worse, James’ becoming mostly or entirely dependent on someone there to help him with daily tasks. But he hadn’t been prepared for this.  

When James opened his eyes, and the first words that rolled from his lips were some halfwitted remark about getting a glass of water, Regulus had felt hopeful with a surge of excitement at the mere sound of his husband's voice. Even when James had turned to him, brown eyes shining, Regulus had felt like he was breathing again. 

But it didn’t take long after that, to realise what damage was done. Regulus felt stupid for not seeing it immediately, for hoping and letting his guard down. He had just been so happy, to hear the thick accent of James’ voice, to see the warmth in his eyes and the life restored to his face. 

Regulus may have been prepared for the challenges, but he had not prepared for the reality, for being forgotten. 

It was unfair for James to feel set in April of 2015, when just months later, on October 11th 2015, James had asked Regulus to be his boyfriend. It felt as if Regulus had just missed him, that the world was playing some sick and twisted joke on him. 

How could James have forgotten so much?

They have a life together, they are married, parents–

Harry.

The thought sent a chill down Regulus’ spine, and within seconds he was standing, gathering his coat that had been set in the seat beside his own. 

“Regulus?” Sirius sat straighter, pushing off Remus as concern took over his face as he looked over his younger brother. 

“I have to go.” Regulus forced out, shaking his head at himself. How could he have missed this? 

“What? No you can’t just leave him? What are you–”

“Harry! Sirius, I need to see my son.” Regulus paused in his frantic movements to look at his brother, who had stood up from his seat and watched as realisation set in. 

“Reggie, are you sure that’s a good idea right now? You’re upset and he’s going to realise that, and it’s already getting late and–” Sirius spoke quickly, but with caution, as if he knew just how fragile he needed to be in order for Regulus not to snap.

“I need to see him. I need to talk to Effie and Monty about everything– Harry already has one parent whose forgotten him, I won’t make him feel like a second has.” Regulus didn’t even care enough to wait around for Sirius’ response, even as his brother called after him as he walked away. 

Regulus knew it wasn’t fair, it wasn’t as if it were James’ fault he didn’t remember, but Harry wouldn’t understand that. Merlin, Harry wouldn’t understand any of this. 

It killed Regulus, to leave his husband as he grabbed a handful of Floo powder. But Regulus was a parent first, he had to be. 

Arriving at the Potter’s lakeside home always made Regulus feel nostalgic, it was the first place that truly felt like home– so warm and full of love. Between the walls were filled with memories of being loved by James Potter, of experiencing what a mother and father’s love was supposed to be, and rekindling the relationship with his brother. The Potter’s felt warm and cosy. 

Regulus had hoped coming here now could fill him with the same feeling that he so desperately craved to have. But once he stepped out of the Floo, all he could hear was the absolutely piercing sound of his son screaming from down the hall. 

“Harry,” Regulus could hear Effie cooing to the small boy as he stepped further into the home, but even the soothing sound of his Nan didn’t seem to calm Harry’s cries. 

“Papa! Da! Papa! Da!” The names repeated in a sequence of broken cries came out in a screeching cry. And Regulus felt a tug in his heart at the sound of his son’s distress. 

Regulus entered the room that Effie and Monty had transformed into a room for whenever Harry was over, filled with an abundance of toy’s– the same way Harry’s at home was as well. Effie saw him first, looking at him with a mixture of relief, shock, and surprise. 

Harry was in Effie’s arms, thrashing around only slightly as his cries echoed between the walls. “Regulus dear, what are you doing here?” Effie spoke gently, always able to maintain a certain grace in everything she did– even with a hysterical toddler in his arms. 

Regulus gave his mother-in-law a weak smile as he stepped further into the bedroom, a wordless exchange from parent to parent. Harry’s head snapped to the door at the sound of his fathers name, and immediately the thrashing in Effie’s arms increased. 

“Papa! Papa! Papa!” Harry screamed, hands reaching out to Regulus as his little body wiggled in attempts to get closer. 

“Bonjour mon amour,” Regulus breathed out, making his way to Harry and happily taking him into his arms once he was within reach. The toddler immediately gathered fistfuls of Regulus’ shirt and clinging to him harshly, still crying as he nuzzled his head into the crook of Regulus’ neck. 

And for a moment Regulus was happy just to exist with his son in his arms. For a moment that was enough to lift the weight from his shoulders. 

“My sweet boy, what are you doing here? Is everything alright?” Effie stepped closer to Regulus, her hand reaching out to brush against his cheek lovingly as a mother does, giving him a small smile. Regulus attempted to offer a smile back, though it quickly fell into a frown as he shook his head slightly. His hand moved to the back of Harry’s head, brushing the hair slightly with his fingers.

“He woke up.” Regulus mumbled quietly, and he hated seeing relief flush over Effie’s face at the news. Though he knew it was a relief, especially to his mother. 

“Oh that’s great dear!” Effie offered a much brighter smile than the first she had given him, her hand pushing some of Regulus’ hair from his face as it had fallen to cover his eyes. “You could have just sent a patronus Regulus, we could have brought Harry to you. You didn’t need to come all the way here.” She spoke so softly, and Regulus appreciated it truly he did– but he knew she had the wrong impression. Effie believed Regulus was overwhelmed by emotions of joy, joy that his husband was awake. 

“He uh–” Regulus’ voice cracked slightly, before he released a shaky breath and allowed himself to truly meet Effie’s eyes for the first time, automatically feeling tears begin to form in his own. “He doesn’t remember the last seven years.” Regulus couldn’t have stopped the tears that spilled down his cheeks as he said the words out loud, though he hastily moved to wipe them away.

He watched the realisation set in, the exact moment Effie made the connection– and the way her once bright smile turned into a sad one. Her head tilted to the side as she took in the words. “Oh Regulus,” Effie whispered.

“They’ve been running tests, but I’m sure he’d love to see you and Monty. I got Harry for now and–” Regulus rushed the words out, feeling guilty for taking so long to inform them of James’ current state, but the older woman was having none of it. 

“Regulus,” Effie’s tone was warning, the same one she had used on him anytime he attempted to hide what he was feeling. “I assume Sirius is still at the hospital?” Regulus nodded quickly, of course Sirius was still there, Regulus would have never left James entirely alone. 

“Then I’m sure James will be fine for a bit longer, yeah? Why don’t you come sit with me in the sitting room?” Regulus knew Effie wasn’t exactly asking, there was no way she would be leaving him in such a state. 

So Regulus nodded, sniffling slightly as he did. And as Effie went to lead the way to the sitting room, Regulus attempted to readjust Harry in his arms– resulting in the toddler letting out a cry and tightening his grip on Regulus’ shirt once more. 

“Non Papa, non.” Harry whined, head lifting to actually look at Regulus with his big green eyes still full of tears. 

“Shhh, je suis là, Harry, je suis là.” Regulus whispered, “Tu veux te coucher?” Regulus asked, but Harry immediately was shaking his head. 

“Non! Je te veux toi, Papa.” Harry’s voice was quiet and basically begging– and regardless of the fact it was certainly around the time Harry should be going to bed, Regulus couldn’t bring himself to deny the young boy.

“Okay, okay.” Regulus assured, his thumb brushing away a few of the stray tears that had fallen down his cheeks. Harry seemed pleased enough by this, and moved to rest his cheek against his Regulus’ shoulder as he sniffled from all the crying he had done and still clung tightly to his father. 

Regulus moved to the toddler bed Effie and Monty had set up for Harry, reaching down and grabbing Harry’s blanket to bring with them to the sitting room– even if the small boy was now claiming not to want to be put to bed, Regulus had a feeling once truly settled down in the comfort of his arms Harry would be asleep rather quickly. 

“Froggy.” Harry hiccuped out when Regulus stood straight and moved to step away from the bed and follow out the door where he was sure Effie was already waiting for them to join her. 

“Ahhh Froggy, oui.” Regulus echoed, moving back to collect the stuffed frog Harry adored from the bed as well. And when offering the animal to Harry, the young boy eyed it suspiciously for a moment, then with a glance to Regulus quickly released his grip on his father to grab Froggy from his grasp before his small hands tucked froggy under his arm and his hand moved to cling to Regulus once more. 

Regulus tried not to think of the way Harry feared him putting him down, not wanting to even think about the fact he had offered uncertainty to his son. Though with Harry nuzzling closer, it was rather easy to push the thoughts to the side and just enjoy holding him for the first time since he left him with Sirius to bring here. 

Making his way to the sitting room, Regulus was met with Effie setting out two mugs onto the centre table, no doubt full of tea– one of Effie’s many claims to life is that ‘almost anything can be cured with a warm cup of tea and a listening ear.’ 

“Come sit dear.” Effie offered a smile as she took her own seat in the recliner, her hand motioning to the sofa across from her. Regulus attempted to smile back, rounding the couch to have a seat at the far end closest to Effie, and worked to readjust Harry when he did. The young boy seemed to understand the switch in positions and released his grip on Regulus allowing himself to be moved around. Soon enough Harry was laid in Regulus’ arms, his blanket wrapped around him as Froggy was tucked in between both of their bodies and Harry’s head was rested against his father’s chest as Regulus gently rubbed his back in hopes to coax him to sleep sooner rather than later. 

“Has he been clingy like this since Sirius dropped him off?” Regulus dared to ask, finally meeting Effie’s eye now that Harry was situated and comfortable. 

“For the most part, mainly during the morning and night when he doesn’t have much to do. I think it’s when he realises you and James aren’t here the most and it’s not just a fun day with Nan and Pops.” Effie didn’t seem fussed with the nature of Harry’s outbursts, but Regulus frowned at the news. 

“I’m sorry– I know I just sprung him on you with no notice and with James in St.Mungos–” Regulus was prepared to apologise profusely, the words just flooding out of his mouth. 

“No no, none of that Regulus.” Effie cut him off, shaking her head immediately. “Harry could not be brought up there with James in that state. We are always happy to take Harry whenever you need us to, you know that.” She offered such a sweet smile of assurance. “And besides, you’re his husband dear– if anyone needed to be with him it was you.” 

“He doesn’t even remember I’m his husband.” Regulus frowned, eyes dropping from where they had met Effie’s to look down to Harry, who was still awake but his eyes were shut and Regulus knew it wouldn’t be too long now. 

“At all? The last seven years are just completely gone?” Effie asked gently, clearly not wanting to upset Regulus more but also needing to understand the situation. 

Regulus just nodded at first, pausing for a moment before he was able to drag his eyes away from Harry. “He thought it was April of 2015. And we didn’t even acknowledge each other's existence til he started seventh year that September Effie– he knows nothing.” Regulus let out in an exhausted tone, as if it were painful to even speak it out loud, and it was. 

“He has no idea the two of you are married?”

“No no, he knows that now. We told him when he was asking Sirius why I was even there.” Regulus bit down on his bottom lip for a moment, willing himself not to cry. “He immediately thought it was a joke when we told him he hyphenated his name two years ago, Effie. He went on about how Sirius wasn’t his type, like I wasn’t right fucking there.” 

“Oh Regulus.” The sadness in her voice outweighed every other part of it, her eyes conveying the same emotion. “He had a rather rough hit to the head, it may very well just be a temporary symptom from the fall. What have the healers said?” 

Regulus managed a small shrug, “They said we wouldn’t know the damage until he woke up– but even Healer Davis looked surprised that his memory was affected. They ended up kicking us all out of the room to run some more tests and see just how extensive it all is. I left before they came and told us anything.” Regulus felt slightly ashamed as he spoke the last sentence. Merlin, he left his husband with absolutely no idea what the healers would have to say. 

“That’s alright, you are allowed a break. Sirius can always send for you if you’re needed. No shame in stepping away.” Effie assured, no hint of disappointment anywhere to be found in her voice. 

“I needed to see Harry.” Regulus confessed, “I just needed to see him.” His eyes dropping back down to the boy– who just as Regulus previously predicted was fast asleep with even breaths and a relaxed complexion. Harry fit perfectly in Regulus’ arms, and Regulus couldn’t help but feel absolutely relieved the two year old had no idea what was going with his parents. 

“Of course you did love, he’s your son. Seeing him makes the world feel a little more stable, nothing quite like the love for a child from their parents.” Regulus could hear the soft smile in Effie’s voice even before he looked back to her, seeing her look at him and Harry with pure adoration. 

“I’ve kept you from your son for two days and handed mine off to you.” 

“And that’s alright, because I know my son, and his top priority is you and Harry always. I have been exactly where James needed me to be. And being with my grandson is one of the many joys of my life. One I’m most grateful for.” Effie had a way of saying things that just made one believe every word that came from her lips, so genuine and full of love. “Besides, you’re my child too dear. Even before you and James were married. This has been your home since the day you arrived, and you needed me to take Harry. The same way you would do anything for Harry, Regulus I’d do anything for you.” 

It had been years since Regulus arrived on the doorstep of the Potter’s lakeside home. During his seventh year- a bit over a year after he and James started dating, and the Daily Prophet’s new writer Rita Skeeter had caught a glimpse of the pair on a Hogsmeade weekend where James met Regulus. 

Their relationship was going well, though it wasn't exactly public knowledge. Sure their close friends knew, but they had planned to be more public once Regulus had graduated and no longer had to return home to Grimmauld Place, when he could move in with James– who at the time was doing some flat hunting for when Regulus was to graduate. 

Though, on the second day of Christmas Hols the Daily Prophets front page was a picture of Regulus and James snogging each other in what they believed was an abandoned alleyway– well, Walburga was far less than pleased.

She screamed, demanding an explanation while Regulus couldn’t even tear his eyes off of the picture. There was no denying what it was, no saying he had been ambushed (though he could have never said such a thing about James regardless). The looped photograph very clearly showed Regulus responding to the kiss with the same feverish intent James had kissed him with. Regulus’ hands tightly gripped onto James’ coat pulling him in closer, while James’ hands steadied himself on the brick building he had Regulus pushed up against. 

All in all, it was a rather cute photograph if Regulus was honest– would have been far cuter if it wasn’t for the fact it was plastered across the front of the most widely known wizarding news outlet. It was a moment far too intimate to have been shared that way. 

Regulus could still hear the sound of his mother screaming, “You will break up with him, he is a good for nothing blood traitor Regulus. You will end it and marry a lovely pureblood woman. Do you understand me? You’ll be wed by the end of the summer.” Her voice has been piercing, demanding– she hadn’t expected him to disagree. He had always been the good son, the one who kept his head down and did what he was told. “James Potter has taken enough from this family.” The disgust in her voice had been evident. 

It didn’t take long after that for chaos to unfold– within the hour he had been blasted off the family tapestry and was knocking on the front door of the Potter’s. Effie had opened the door, clearly unexpecting of the sight she was seeing outside her door. But by the lack of personal items with him, and the rather large cut across his cheek that he had yet to get to stop bleeding, she dragged him inside the warm home to get him cleaned up. 

He remembered the feeling of being cared for by a mother for the first time that night. The way Effie cleaned the cut on his cheek, healing it after with a simple healing spell– leaving no trace of the mark. And before he knew it, he was sitting on the sofa– much like he is now, with Effie drinking tea and telling her everything until James, Sirius, and Monty arrived back from some trip they had taken to find the newest inhabitant of the Potter household. 

“Where’s Monty?” Regulus found himself asking after a moment, his hand still silently rubbing circles on Harry’s back as he slept. 

“He had a friend who needed some help a little bit ago, he’ll be around shortly. Not to worry dear, I’ll talk with him when he gets here.” Effie was quick to pick up on the slight distress that set over Regulus at the idea of needing to explain this all again to Monty. But as a mother does, she took the burden onto herself to have that conversation with her husband, and Regulus was grateful even if that was slightly selfish. 

“Effie?” After a moment of gentle silence had settled between them, Regulus found himself mumbling the woman’s name. 

“Oh Regulus,” Without needing to be asked, the older woman stood from her chair and moved to sit carefully on the other side of Regulus, mindful of not touching Harry who remained blissfully asleep. “Meri jaan,” Her soft hand came to cup his cheek, getting him to look at her as he had hung his head down, her thumb slowly wiping the tears away that started to fall from his eyes– unable to stop them now. 

Regulus half wondered if she could hear the steady shattering of his heart in his chest. 

“It’s alright, you can cry. You don’t have to bear this alone Regulus. I’m here.” She didn’t force him to open up, he supposed that’s why it was always so easy to do. The pressure wasn’t there, Effie would hold you even if you didn’t mumble a detail of whatever was troubling you without a second thought. 

“He doesn’t remember me,” Regulus’ voice cracked slightly, shattered at the edge as he attempted to squeeze his eyes shut to stop the flow of tears– though it was no use. “He doesn’t– and he doesn’t remember Harry. What am I supposed to do? We have this whole life together, we’re married and he doesn’t–” 

“Shhhh, I know Regulus, I know.” 

Regulus tried to calm his breathing, not wanting to wake Harry due to the rapid movements of his chest. Eventually moving the toddler effortlessly in his arms to be positioned a bit better as Regulus rested his head on Effie’s shoulder, her hand moving through his hair– the same way James would do when he was overwhelmed. 

“Let it out meri jaan– and when you’re ready I’ll tell you what we do next alright?” Regulus wanted to demand she tell him now, tell him what he is supposed to do in the absolute disaster that is his life now. But he just let the tears free fall and nodded slightly as he shut his eyes, hoping the darkness could bring comfort. 

Harry thankfully remained asleep, Regulus figured it was exhaustion from the stress even the two year old had felt the past few days. While Harry was far too young to truly understand anything that had happened– he would certainly have caught onto the fact something was wrong. And without his parents there, well Regulus knew the stress of being young and wanting to feel the love only a parent can give you. 

Minutes had passed, and Effie just let him lean on her and cry as her hair still stroked his hair soothingly. Neither of them uttered a word, letting the silence settle in the air. 

Regulus felt overwhelmed, exhausted, and he had no idea what he was supposed to do next. His heart felt hallowed out, as if someone had ripped it from his chest and bled it dry while he just simply had to watch. And when he let his mind wander past himself, to the sleeping boy in his lap– it was earth shattering. 

Regulus was twenty two years old, he was young but he was old enough to understand what was happening with James– at least in a technical sense, his heart didn’t seem to understand it at all. But Harry? Oh Harry was far too young to even understand why his Da wasn’t around, let alone be able to grasp the fact James couldn’t remember him. Not that Regulus would be telling Harry that even in the slightest. Merlin if he had any say in it– and as a matter of fact he does seeing he is Harry’s father, Harry will not know even for a second that James doesn’t remember him. 

“What am I supposed to do Effie?” Regulus eventually forced out, though made no move to change his position, not that Effie minded, his mother-in-law just letting out a soft sigh as she leaned her head against his own. 

“You hold that little boy in your arms for as long as you need to. You hold him, and love him and let him love you because the love Harry has for you is the most pure thing in the world, the love from a child to their parent. So you soak that up while you can. And whenever you’re ready, whether it’s tonight, or tomorrow, or even the next day, however long it takes– you go back to the hospital and you talk to James.” 

“What am I even supposed to say to him? He doesn’t trust me, he– this James doesn’t even know me. He thinks I’m some blood supremacist arsehole who hurt his best friend. He’ll never listen to me.” Regulus felt himself frowning even just thinking about the way James must be thinking of him right now, of who Regulus used to be. 

“He’ll listen, he may be missing some of the story–”

Regulus snorted, “some of the story? More like every single part of it.” 

“He’s still James, who he is, at his core– that’s still there. It was there in 1998 when he was born, and in 2009 when he first went to Hogwarts, and it was there in 2015 too. He’ll listen.” She quietly assured. 

“And if he doesn’t? If his hatred for me is too much?” Regulus dared to ask, even if the idea of what his husband could be thinking of him right now was nauseating. 

“He never hated you Regulus, not even for a second. The very second he got to know even the smallest thing about you, from you– he was hooked. You know that, you made him fall in love with you without even trying. If he hated you, that wouldn’t even be possible.” Silence encased them for a moment, both taking in her words for just a moment. 

“And if he doesn’t remember? Ever?” Regulus knew that was a vast assumption, he hadn’t even spoken to the healers since they began their series of tests. And logically he knew that James never remembering was rather unlikely, with magic and his youth on his side, James had a chance. But the small echo in the back of Regulus’ mind, screaming what if only seemed to be getting louder and louder. 

“Well,” Effie cleared her throat, and Regulus felt her give a slight shrug of the shoulders. “You made him fall in love with you once, no doubt you could do it again.” 

That, well that made Regulus smile just slightly to himself– yeah. Yeah he had made James Potter fall in love with him once, without even trying to. He had done it once, and he would do it again, he would do anything to feel the love of James Potter again. It had only been two days without it, and Merlin it felt as if it had been a lifetime. 

“And Harry?” Regulus asked after, because no matter how he thought of it, Harry was the most complex factor. And by the sigh that Effie let out, he would say she agreed. 

“Monty and I got him for now, but he’s already asking for you and James all the time. Eventually someone has to tell him something.”

“I don’t know what to tell him. I don’t want him to know James doesn’t remember him. He doesn’t need that, and he wouldn’t understand anyways it just– it wouldn’t work. I can’t do that.” 

“You don’t have to tell him specifics dear, but he does need to know that his Da got hurt and that’s why he isn’t here. At least until you tell James and he can see him again.” Effie reasoned, though Regulus could tell she understood why he felt so conflicted. 

“Do you think James will take that well? ‘Oh hey, not only are you married to your best friend's little brother who you don’t even like– you also have a two year old son with him.’ I mean it just– sounds so ridiculous.” He felt Effie chuckle slightly, shaking her head at his wording. 

“I’m sure he’ll be shocked, but who wouldn’t be? James has always wanted to be a dad, he used to beg for baby dolls every time he saw one at the shops, even though he had plenty at home. He’ll be surprised, but you can bet on the fact he’ll be asking to see Harry almost immediately. You’ll just have to work with him on how to interact with Harry so he doesn’t pick up on James’ lack of knowledge about him.” Effie answered with a slight hint of fondness regarding James’ childhood, but Regulus knew she was most likely right. 

James had been the one to suggest having a baby as young as they did– and Regulus knew it was rather ridiculous how young they were. It was just barely a week after Regulus turned twenty when Harry was born, and James was only twenty-one. But James had just been so sure when he asked Regulus about them starting a family, so certain that Regulus truthfully never stood a chance against it. 

And despite how young they were, Harry was so loved– so happy. And there wasn’t even a second in which Regulus regretted that they hadn’t waited longer. Harry fit into their lives perfectly, at the perfect time– societal standards be damned. 

“Euphemia! My darling, did you get Harry down already? I’m sorry it took me so long but–” Monty’s loud voice had carried from the front door, it slamming behind him carelessly before the man realised Effie right there, along with Regulus and a once sleeping Harry, who began crying at the loudness of his Pops voice having woke him up. 

“Oh Fleamont,” Effie sent a frown her husband's way with an exasperated but still loving sigh, moving to stand up once Regulus sat up straighter to adjust the crying boy in his arms. 

“Shh, Harry, Tout va bien.” Regulus quietly cooed, but Harry was simply fussy, bringing his small hands to his eyes and rubbing roughly as his feet kicked in discomfort slightly. 

“Oh Merlin- I’m so sorry Regulus! I had no idea you were here and I just thought Harry would be in his room- Oh I’m sorry.” Monty’s voice carried an apology in it itself even without the flush of words spilling from it. 

“It’s fine, I got him–” Regulus went to assure his father-in-law, just shaking his head in assurance as Effie rounded the sofa  to make her way to her husband– a scolding look on her face that was almost comical.

“Are you sure son? I can take him, it's really no problem–” Monty went to offer after he placed a quick kiss on Effie’s cheek before coming up to the back of the sofa as if preparing to take Harry from Regulus. 

“Non! Papa! Non!” Harry screeched, clearly having heard and understood the intentions of his grandfather to take him away from Regulus. The young boy was now much more frantic as he worked to shift himself around to cling onto Regulus once more. Monty paused in his quest to approach and made a face as he breathed through his teeth. 

“Oui Harry, je suis là.” Regulus sighed, hand moving to cup the back of Harry’s head as the young boy sobbed into the cotton of the t-shirt Regulus had been wearing. 

“Do you want us to leave you with him for a moment, Regulus?” Effie spoke with a knowing tone. She was asking if he was alright for her to go and explain what has happened to Monty in another room– away from a much more awake Harry, and to give Regulus a few moments without having to think of what his life has recently resulted to. 

“Yeah, yeah I got him.” Regulus assured, nodding his head rapidly as he gave Effie an assuring tight lipped smile, “I’ll take him to his room to get him back asleep, I’ll come find you after?” He wasn’t really asking, but his in-laws nodded anyway. 

“Just call if you need us alright? We’ll be in the dining room.” Effie gave one last smile, before offering her hand out to Monty– who was certainly catching on to the fact something was being left unsaid and followed after his wife, but shot Regulus one last apologetic look before they disappeared into the dining room. 

Regulus, who was relieved by the pressure taken off of him in having to explain what was going on with James to one more person– was instead left with a sobbing toddler. 

“Harry, mon amour.” Regulus sighed, trying to get the young boy's attention, though it was as if Harry hadn’t even heard him through his hiccuped sobs into his fathers shirt. “Oh Harry,” Regulus mumbled again, though this time mainly to himself as he moved to stand up from the sofa, gathering his sons blanket and Froggy from where they had fallen in Harry’s rapid movements just moments ago. 

Walking down the hall to Harry’s bedroom, lightly rocking the young boy in his arms as they entered, leaving the door open behind him. Regulus knew from experience that leaving a room with Harry asleep was far easier if he didn’t have to open and close the door when leaving. 

“Harry, hey. Harry- Ici, Regarde-moi.” Regulus attempted to coax the young boy from hiding his face, and with a few soft mumbles, and his hand moving to gently stroke the side of the young boy’s face– Harry eventually gave in. 

Pulling back from where his face had previously been hidden, Harry met his father’s eyes with bright green ones, glossy with tears and a red nose to match from his rather extravagant fit he was exiting. 

“Bonjour mon amour,” Regulus mumbled gently with the best smile he could attempt at the young boy, and with a quivering lip, and small, almost inaudible, “bonjour Papa,” escaped the two year old's lips. 

“Es-tu prêt à aller te coucher maintenant?” Regulus asked, matching the quiet tone Harry was using in attempts to show calmness. 

“Avec toi?” Harry asked, tilting his head to the side as he sniffled slightly and Regulus glanced down to the toddler bed meant for Harry to sleep in– alone. 

“Harry…” Regulus trailed off slightly, eyeing the bed before looking back to his son who managed to give him a grumpy expression as he nodded for Regulus. 

“Avec toi.” Harry’s once questioning small voice was now demanding, and Regulus couldn’t help but notice just how much like James he was in that moment. Harry already shared a striking resemblance with his father, and the way he spoke or made expressions sometimes was like looking at a carbon copy– aside from the green eyes the boy had inherited from Lily. 

“Okay okay,” Regulus felt himself giving in, he could lay with Harry til he fell asleep and then sneak out of the room. The toddler bed wasn’t exactly small, a twin sized mattress– though built with a railing to prevent Harry from rolling off in his sleep, much like the bed he had back at their home. 

Harry seemed pleased with his fathers agreement, enough to not scream the second Regulus’ hands left him as he set Harry on his bed before rounding to the other side, kicking his shoes off and leaving them on the floor outside of the bed before getting in with Harry. 

“Oh Merlin,” Regulus mumbled under his breath, shaking his head as attempted to lay down with Harry, who watched him with large green eyes. Regulus may not have been the tallest, only 177 cm, but he was certainly not a proper size to be squeezing into bed with his toddler. 

Once he did get situated, moving to lay down on his side and Harry pushed himself up to scoot closer to Regulus, he moved to pull his wand from where it had been safely stored in his pocket to turn out the light. 

“Papa?” Harry whispered after a moment of silence, the young boy pushed against Regulus as close as he possibly could be with Froggy tight in his grip. 

“Oui Harry?” Regulus asked in the same whispered tone, his hand lifting to rest on Harry’s back and rub in small circles. 

“Tu peux chanter?” Harry asked in such a soft and innocent voice, that Regulus felt himself smile into the darkness at the small request– usually it was James who would sing to Harry when they put him to bed, always managing to get those final giggles of the day out of the toddler before falling asleep. 

With a deep breath, “In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight…” The words of Harry’s favourite nighttime lullaby fell from his lips in a quiet sing-song voice, certainly not as entertaining as James was with it, but it pleased Harry all the same. 

Silence settled over the pair once Regulus finished the lullaby, and Regulus closed his own eyes to just enjoy the moment with his son, expecting Harry to be asleep already when the small voice spoke up, “Papa,” 

“Harry,” 

“Je t'aime.” 

Regulus smiled, letting himself tug Harry just a tad bit closer to him, leaning to place a kiss atop the boy’s head. “I love you too.” 

Regulus stayed there, til Harry’s breathing evened and the room fell silent. And he told himself he was just going to close his eyes for a moment, and then he would get up and go find Monty and Effie and discuss what comes next– tell them to go to the hospital for a while and that he would stay there with Harry through the night. 

But those few moments turned into more, and without even realising it, Regulus fell asleep as well– cuddled up with his son and cramped in on a toddler bed that he would surely regret in the morning. 

It’s Effie who finds them, nearly two hours later when curiosity got the best of her and she wandered down the hall to see what the two were up to as the house had gone silent long before. And stopping in the doorway, the mother is able to make out the silhouette of the two sleeping soundly. Euphemia lets herself stand for a moment, a smile falling over her lips that doesn’t quite meet her eyes but fills her heart regardless before she reaches for the door handle to quietly shut it and let the two sleep for as long as they needed too. 

And she makes her way up the stairs of her home for the last thirty-five years, with two forgotten cups of tea still warm under a stasis charm left on the centre table in the sitting room– she’ll get them tomorrow. 

Chapter Text

“But mum-” 

“Do not mum me right now James Potter– you will listen when Regulus comes to talk to you. Do you understand me?” Twenty minutes ago, when Euphemia had entered his hospital room alongside his father, James had immediately felt relieved. Finally, someone who was familiar no matter how much time he had lost (which according to his healers was seven bloody years). It was his parents, not much could have changed there, right? 

Wrong. 

It didn’t take long for James to slip into a ramble of confusion about the things he had been told from both healers and a minor bit from Sirius since it had been late whenever he was finally allowed visitors and he had fallen asleep shortly after from a few potions given to help him rest. And when James had brushed over the subject of Regulus– his mother was quick to step in. 

“You can’t seriously expect me to talk to him? Listen, maybe James from the future fell and hit his head first because I would never date Regulus Black, let alone marry – Hey!” James humphed, cut off by his father quite literally slapping him upside the head. “Head injury dad! Like quite literally the whole reason we are in the hospital right now.” James looked at Fleamont with a shocked expression. 

“You sure? Maybe if I hit you upside the head enough you’ll go back to normal.” Monty rolled his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest as he looked at his son– and James felt as if he were nine and was being scolded for pushing Marlene into the lake behind their house again. Though in his defence he had no idea she couldn’t swim at the time. 

“And what normal is that?” James huffed, tossing his arms up in an exaggerated motion. “The one where I’m married? Married to Regulus Black, my best friend’s little brother who quite literally hates me? I mean how did that even happen? How did you let that happen?” James knew it was unfair, criticising well– his future self’s choices. But he truly didn’t understand. 

He had married Regulus Black two years ago, and that didn’t– it wasn’t— he wasn’t… 

“James,” This mother warned, in a soft but stern tone as she tilted her head as if to silently ask what the hell he was thinking. “We didn’t let anything happen, you made the choice to marry him all on your own. And once you talk to him you might very well understand that for yourself.” 

“Okay well where is he then? If I’m his husband why isn’t he here huh? He just left me.” James crossed his arms, similarly to how his father previously had. 

“He’s at our house getting some much needed rest James. Don’t be like that. I know I raised you better than to act this way. Regulus is just as overwhelmed as you are right now. It is not only your life that got flipped upside down son. He has to deal with this all too. He didn’t leave your side even once when you were unconscious, he gets to take a minute and adjust to this.” James could see just how fiercely protective his mother seemed to be of Regulus, and it sent an unsettling shock down his body. 

It just didn’t make sense to him, how much time had changed his life— and he missed it all. 

James wasn’t blind, sure Regulus was attractive, though that’s just simply an objective fact— he didn’t have to be married to the man to recognise that. 

“I just don’t understand.” James mumbled quietly under his breath, loud enough to be heard but not enough to truly showcase just what he was feeling— which was everything. 

“Son, we're not telling you to immediately understand everything, but you have to talk to Regulus and listen to what he has to tell you. If anyone has answers as to how your relationship formed, it’s him. He’s the one married to you, who you live with, the person you’ve vowed to spend the rest of your life with. You just have to hear him out, he’ll answer whatever questions you have.” Monty, while trying to be comforting, only made James’ blood run cold. 

He had vowed to spend his life tied to Regulus Black. 

The weight of that had yet to really catch up to him. For him, he was just at Hogwarts, preparing for the end of his sixth year, and now? Now he was apparently twenty-three, almost twenty-four, and had been married for two years. 

“Am I happy? With him I mean? Like really and truly?” James dared to ask, his crossed arms dropping to rest in his lap as he looked between his parents, both of whose expressions shifted to a softer, more understanding look. 

“You’re very happy with him. You’re in love meri jaan. You’ll see.” Euphemia assured her son as she approached his side, a loving hand on his cheek as she pressed a kiss atop his head gently. James let himself fall into the warmth of his mother for a moment, taking in her words silently. 

In love. 

Oh. 

James, despite his usual distaste for it, was rather comforted by the few moments of gentle silence between the family. His mother’s warm and inviting embrace, and his father’s watchful eye made James feel as if truly some things never change. 

“Oi Prongsie– Is Regulus here?” Sirius, still as loud as James remembered (he supposed there is no amount of time that would change that), came waltzing into the hospital room before halting at the sight before him. “I’m sensing Regulus is not here?” Sirius mumbled, coming a bit flushed at the cheeks, no doubt feeling a tad bit odd to have walked in on the Potter family existing together in silence. But quickly recovered when Monty let out a loud laugh, because truly– if it was going to be anyone, of course it would be Sirius. 

“No, no son, he’s been at ours since last night, he’ll be around once we go home though– was making breakfast this morning when we left.” Monty assured, but before Sirius could get another word in, James was butting in. 

“You’re leaving? Why can’t he come here with you guys? You can’t just leave me here alone, that’s not fair.” James frantically looked between his parents, who looked puzzled at the outburst and a bit unsure of how to react.

“James,” Effie was the one to speak up, “you and Regulus need to have a few conversations alone alright? We’ll all sit and talk after if you still want, but some things have to be just between the two of you.” 

James, now looking between his mother, father, and best friend– quickly came to realise they all knew something he didn’t. Oh he didn’t like this. It was unfair, they had seven years of his own life on him, and now they wanted to leave him alone with someone he didn’t even know? 

“Can Sirius at least stay then?” James asked, but Sirius was shaking his head before Effie even got around to scolding her son once more. 

“No can do Prongs, I try to avoid as many details about your marriage to my brother as possible.” 

“You don’t approve?” James practically shouts, eyes wide as he looks at Sirius. That’s it, they have got to be playing some sort of massive joke on him– he would never marry someone Sirius doesn’t approve of, nope he wouldn’t do it. 

“What? No!” Sirius quickly replied, wide eyes matching James as they looked at each other from the short distance of the room. “I approve, yes, me and Reggie are fine! We have been for years. I just don’t really enjoy hearing about the fact my best friend is shagging my little brother.” 

“Alright– that’s our cue. We will see you guys later.” Monty was quick to cut in before the conversation progressed further than that. No doubt avoiding hearing anything about their son’s shagging habits– knowing it happened was one thing (they are a married couple themselves, and certainly not blind to what happens behind closed doors), but acknowledging it wasn’t particularly something they stuck around for. 

“Wait what? Now? You’re leaving now?” James gaped, watching as his mother seemed to agree with his father that it was getting to be about the time for them to leave anyways. 

“Oh James, we’ll be back, don’t worry. You’ll have Sirius’ company til Regulus gets here alright? You’re fine.” Effie assured, grabbing her bag from the chair she had placed it in when she came into the room earlier that morning. Before she made her way closer to her son’s side, giving him a loving glance as her hands moved to cup his cheeks gently. “I would never leave you with more than you can handle meri jaan. We all want you to get better, we want you to remember the last seven years of your life– but until you do, let us show you just how loved you are, yeah? All of us.” Effie spoke gently, and James felt himself nodding before he even realised it, letting his mother lean down to place a kiss on his cheek. 

“I love you James,” 

“Love you mum.” 

Monty came and gave James a quick hug with the reassurance they would be back soon before bidding his farewell– both of his parent’s disappearing out the door, but dragging Sirius out with them for a moment. No doubt to discuss something James’ was still on the outs of knowing. 

Merlin, he hated this. 

When left alone he let his mind catch up with everything that had just happened, retracing every part of the conversation between his parents, between Sirius til it registered. 

James Potter was married to Regulus Black. 

Marriage. 

M a r r i a g e. 

Oh for fucks sake James has shagged Regulus Black. 

But that didn’t– 

Sirius walked into the room, looking happily at James. “So Prongs–”

“I’ve shagged your brother?” James couldn’t stop himself before the question fumbled out of his lips, causing Sirius’ once happy expression to shift to a slight grimace at the reminder the words seemed to give him. 

“Uh-” Sirius mumbled, “Yes? You are married to him mate. But don’t ask me for details!” Sirius quickly added the ending sentiment. “I walked in the room one time and we’ve agreed to never discuss it again, nor your sex life– at all.” 

“But,” James paused with a frown, “Pads, I’m straight?” 

James hadn’t really taken the time to fully process what his marriage to Regulus meant with everything else happening. Seven years is a long time to lose and with his mind reeling from the information that never seemed to stop coming. The healers had even said there was no notable reason for the memory loss, and that all of his memories should return– though they had no idea when. But when James thought about it, truly thought about it– the more confused he got. 

He was straight.

James had only ever dated girls, only ever kissed girls (excluding Sirius, Remus, and Pete that is), or slept with girls. He was straight. Right?

Sirius’ eyes grew wide at James’ comment, mouth slightly agape as he took in what was said and seemed to make the connection, a connection that James had no memory of. 

“Mate– I hate to be the one to break it to you, but you are not straight.” Sirius mumbled, moving to sit at the end of James’ bed so they were comfortably facing one another. “In June of 2015, us and the others all went to some muggle pub– some bloke hit on you when you were getting drinks. I don’t know exactly what happened but you thought he was hot, ended up making out with him and meeting up a few times after. Nothing serious but he was the first. I think you hooked up with two more guys that summer before coming to the declaration that you’re bisexual mate.” Sirius seemed– uncomfortable telling James this to say the least. As if waiting for some rash outrage of denial that never came. 

James listened to what his best friend was saying and pondered his words. “Bisexual?” James inquired, and Sirius nodded in confirmation. “Bisexual and married to a man prongsie– trust me, you’re far too pleased with your–” Sirius paused to make a face, “relations to be straight.” he finished before shaking his head as if to push the thought of James’ ‘relations’ out of his mind, or rather Regulus’ but James supposed if they’re married it was one in the same.

“Hmm,” James thought for a moment, before a small realisation set in. “You think that’s why I looked up to Frank so much? I mean– that’s a nice looking bloke.” 

Sirius immediately set into a fit of laughter, so much so he was clutching his stomach and James couldn’t help but join in. And for a moment it was nice, refreshing even to get to have a laugh with Sirius. But James supposed time couldn’t change the bond the two of them had. Sirius was his best friend, his lifeline. He was quite sure he couldn’t survive without the other. 

“You said–” Sirius attempted between small fits of laughter, “You said that exact same thing the day you came out to me for the first time.” The laughter slowly died, and a fond, but sad smile took over Sirius’ face that James attempted to return in much brighter spirits. 

“Fuck Prongs– you really gave us all a scare there for a minute. Thought I’d lost you.” 

“Oh Padfoot, you couldn’t lose me. Never one without the other you and I.” James attempted to reassure, but even Sirius’ forced attempts of a smile didn’t meet his eye. 

“I saw you fall, James. One second you were fine and playing how you always do and the next second you were just falling. And I was just sitting in the stands you know? Your coach barely had time to soften your landing, you just–” Sirius seemed frustrated as he tried to recall the events of what happened, not that James could blame him. “You fell and then you were bleeding so much and you weren’t waking up, I mean it took you two bloody days to open your eyes again. And obviously I’m happy you’re awake and mostly fine– but you can’t even remember the last seven years and let me tell you, a lot has happened in seven years.” Sirius was rambling, but James just let him. He needed this, to get it out. When Sirius Black held something in too long it was grounds for disaster. 

“But you know– at least you didn’t miss me and Moony getting married. Wanna know why? Because that miserable sod hasn’t even fucking asked me to marry him. Which is fine, totally fine. Not like I would want to get married to his stupid blanket hogging arse or anything–” James couldn’t stop himself from laughing, even as Sirius tried to give James a stern expression– which just resulted in laughter of his own. 

“Oh– oh gods.” James managed between breaths of laughter, because there was always something inherently funny about Sirius. “You know, you could always propose to him.” James noted, but Sirius looked offended even by the suggestion. 

“Absolutely not. Remus Lupin is going to get down on one knee and ask me– I don’t care if it takes til we’re fifty. He’s proposing.” Sirius seemed very adamant on such a thing, and James hardly could blame him. He doubted Remus would be fussed in the end of who proposed to whom, James’ wouldn’t be surprised if he was just waiting for Sirius to ask him directly about it. 

“Alright mate, whatever you say.” James couldn’t help but feel better with Sirius right there. He wanted to see everyone, he wanted his friends around– though he knew the healers were recommending him to only be in small groups right now so he is not ‘overwhelmed’. Little did they know, being alone was far more overwhelming for him. 

James and Sirius both looked up when a knock appeared on the open hospital room door– both finding a rather unsettled looking Regulus standing in the doorway, holding what appeared to be photo albums of some kind. 

“Reggie!” Sirius was obviously rather pleased to see the boy, but all James was able to manage was a small smile as he took in the appearance of the younger boy. 

Regulus looked exhausted, his hair was tussled, and his shirt wrinkled as if someone had clung tightly to it. The dark circles under his eyes were rather notable on his pale skin and contrasted his green eyes rather intensely. But something about him still looked beautiful? Maybe James was in fact bisexual…

“Hey,” Regulus offered his brother a small smile, before his eyes settled on James for a moment. It was clear that if James felt overwhelmed, that Regulus was in the exact same boat as him. Both boys seemingly have a hard time knowing how to interact with one another. 

“Comment va le petit?” Sirius spoke calmly to his brother, but it caused James to frown. Why was he speaking in French right now? 

“Il est déboussolé, il m'a supplié de rester chez Effie et Monty avec lui.” Regulus spoke the language softly James noticed, with the same ease Sirius did but he looked displeased with whatever he was telling Sirius– and James hated being on the outs of a conversation happening right in front of him. All James picked up on was the mention of his parents.

“Je suis désolé Reggie. Tu parles de lui à James maintenant?” Sirius asked with a small frown, and James found his eyes bouncing from brother to brother to try and clue himself in on whatever was being said with the mention of his own name, though with no luck.

“Oui.” Regulus nodded. 

“Alright then,” Sirius switched back to English, much to James’ preference but slapped his hands on his thighs as he sat before turning to look at James. “I’ll be back around later yeah? I can bring Moons with me? Pete’s touring America right now but we can call him later yeah?” 

“Wait? You’re leaving?” James asked as Sirius stood up from the bed, his heart racing at the thought of being left alone with Regulus. He knew what his parents said to do was the right thing, but it didn’t stop the anxiety from filling his body. 

“Just for a little Prongs, give you and Reggie here a little time to talk yeah?” Sirius gave a reassuring smile, and from the corner of his eye James could see Regulus shifting on his feet and clenching the photo albums to his chest tightly. 

Oh.

Oh.

James was hurting him, he was hurting Regulus. 

So, despite the pit in his stomach, James felt himself force a smile and nod to Sirius anyways. James may not know Regulus, this Regulus at least– but he didn’t like the feeling that came over him at the idea of Regulus being hurt. It was as if his body knew the younger boy but his mind didn’t. 

“Yeah okay, I’ll see you later, Pads.” James forced the smile and was pleased when Sirius seemed in better spirits because of it. At least one of them felt relieved. 

“Bye Prongs, Reggie.” Sirius nodded to both, letting his eyes linger on his brother for a moment before disappearing out of the room, and pulling the door closed behind him as both James and Regulus echoed a quiet goodbye to him.

And then it was silent. 

Regulus remained on the other side of the room, still clutching the albums to his chest as he rocked on his heels. Neither knew what to say to the other, and it scared James. He wanted it to be effortless, speaking with Regulus. He wanted something inside of him to tell him that who he married was the right choice. He needed a sign. 

“I’m uh- sorry about that. I know you don’t like it when we use French to keep you out of a conversation. It’s just– there are some things we need to talk about first.” Regulus sounded genuinely sorry, and James was rather thankful for it. Even if it was unsettling that there was so much of his own life James was a complete stranger to himself.

“And what stuff is it we need to talk about?”

“Like the fact the healers want to send you home tomorrow.” Regulus slowly began approaching James' bedside where he just sat with one leg dangling off the side as he watched Regulus set three photo albums on the mattress. “And it’s obviously your choice as to which home you go home to, whether it be with me to our house, or to your parents. But Healer Davis said it would be best for you to be around things that are familiar to see if they help restore your memory, so I brought photo albums.” 

“They want to send me home?” James asked quietly, he hadn’t really thought about what comes next. Truly he was sort of just waiting for all of his memories to hit him at once and give him back all the missing pieces of his life. “What about my memory, did they say anything about that?” 

Regulus shook his head with a sad smile, “No, they said you’re otherwise fine to come back home besides your memories– you would still be coming in at least twice a week for check-in’s and tests. But you can go home.” 

“And they think it would be best for me to be somewhere familiar, which is– it’s home with you?” 

“Mhm.” 

“Oh.” James whispered quietly, looking down to his hands that rested in his lap for a moment, just taking it all in. Regulus seemed to understand this, and didn’t push for some kind of answer right away. 

If he was to go home, home with Regulus that is– what was he to expect? He didn’t know the other as his husband, he hardly knew him as Sirius’ brother really. His knowledge of Regulus Black all things considered, was rather limited. 

“And what do you think?” James found himself asking, lifting his head to look at Regulus.

“I think it’s up to you. Obviously I want you to come home James but this is a rather impossible situation so I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted to go to your parent’s for a bit.” Despite the sincerity in his words, James could tell it hurt Regulus to say.

“Maybe,” James paused before lifting his hand to point to the photo albums, “Maybe we can talk and look at some pictures and then decide?” James asked, feeling as if maybe it were the safest option. That he could see some portion of his life, see for himself this happiness others claimed he had before making the choice as to which home he would be going back to. 

And Regulus seemed both shocked and pleased with his answer, nodding his head with a small smile on his lips. “Yeah, yeah we can do that.” 

Regulus leaned forward, grabbing one of the photo albums before pushing the other two off to the side, from what James was sure would come later. “Can I sit?” Regulus asked quietly, motioning to where Sirius had been just moments ago and James immediately felt himself nod before he knew what he was doing. “Yeah, of course.” 

And so Regulus did, filling the space on the bed directly across from James and crossing his legs before moving to turn the photo album to where they both would be able to see it once opened. 

“I know you must have so many questions, and I promise I’ll answer all of them. But I thought maybe seeing it would be a bit easier.” Regulus offered, “it’s just– I know this must be overwhelming and I can tell you all day how happy we are or why we got together, but without the memories of it, it’s really just meaningless words. And if you see it, maybe it’ll just be easier to believe.” Regulus spoke so calm and gently to him, yet rather shy when trying to explain why he made this call. But James liked it, he thought that Regulus was right and it would be easier to see this love if he couldn’t feel it. 

“Okay, yeah– that makes sense.” James nodded, briefly looking at Regulus before down at the album. 

“We don’t really have pictures from when we first started dating. Our friends knew but I wasn’t really out yet– I lived with my parents and so there wasn’t much of a chance to take pictures but– there are a few.” Regulus prefaced as he opened the album to the first page, which instead of having a magical photograph inside– was a muggle photo set from a– oh Merlin what are they called?

“Are these from a…” James trailed off, his finger touching the photos that were safely stored in the album sleeve. 

“A photobooth?” Regulus finished, and James nodded almost immediately. Yes, a photobooth, that's what he had meant. 

“Yeah, from our first actual date in December of 2015. You took me to muggle London and we stumbled across one of these and Lily had told you about them so we took a few.” Even while James wasn’t looking at Regulus, he could hear the smile in his voice, the kind you get when remembering a fond memory. 

Except James couldn’t recall the memory. 

He looked at the photos with curiosity. And he hated to admit it but he believed his parents were right. He did look rather– in love. One of the photos was simply of him grinning at Regulus, who was smiling happily at the camera while James was looking directly at him. Another, one where it seemed Regulus had discovered James’ lack of participation in the last photograph and was scolding him– James still held the same dopey eyed love sick grin. The next one it seemed James had surged forward and kissed Regulus, who’s hand rested on James wrist as James cupped his cheeks. And the final photo was just simply the two boys laughing. 

James could see it. He could see the love, the happiness, it was right in front of his eyes. He could see it. 

So why couldn’t he feel it? 

“In December of 2015?” James felt himself ask quietly, not even– not even a full year from where his memory cuts out, he’s in love? “When did we start dating?” 

“You asked me to be your boyfriend on October 11th of 2015– but this, we– us, that started almost immediately after the start of term that September.” Regulus confirmed, and James frowned. 

He had known he must have been with Regulus for a little while before getting married two years ago– but he hadn’t imagined that he had quite literally spent almost the entire seven years he was missing with him. 

“We’ve been together that long?” He found himself whispering, mainly to himself as he moved to flip the page, met with what seemed to be a clipping from the Daily Prophet of what seemed to be quite a heated kiss between the two. James had Regulus pinned against a building while the younger boy’s hands clung to his coat. It was frantic, it was raw– appearing as if they were just two teenagers in love. 

James supposed they had been once. 

“What’s this from?” 

“Daily Prophet. About a year after those first were taken during my seventh year, you had met me in Hogsmeade one weekend and we ended up sneaking off down some alleyway, thought it was abandoned but clearly not.” James could hear in Regulus’ tone it wasn’t a rather present article. “Two days into the Christmas holidays this was released, my parents– oh they freaked out. Demanded I end things with you, that you had taken so much from our family already with Sirius and you couldn’t have me too. It was a whole thing– by the end of that day I was with Effie. You, Sirius, and Monty had been out, it was quite a surprise to you to come home to find your boyfriend sat with your mother. Think it scared you more than anything.” Regulus explained, speaking rather quickly as if to get through the story without dwelling on the details as much. “But the picture, well it was cute in its own way. So you cut it out and insisted it go in here.”

James was pleased with the transparency Regulus was giving him– not hiding details or pushing a story for another time. Turning his head from the album to look at Regulus, only to realise for the first time just how close they sat. “You lived with us from then on?” James mumbled quietly, trying not to flinch away when Regulus turned to look at him as well. 

Oh he was pretty. 

Have his eyes always been that green?

“Yeah, you were already looking for flats for when I graduated anyways. The plan was always to move in together. We just ended up doing so a bit earlier than planned, and at your parents.” 

“And we moved out when you graduated? We live in that flat now?” 

“Yes we moved out into a small flat in magical London when I graduated. But no, we don’t live there now, we upgraded uh– in January of 2019 to a proper flat actually, so just over three years ago.” Regulus confirmed, and James nodded in understanding. 

For the next few minutes, as James flipped through the album, Regulus would answer any questions he had– the story behind a certain photograph, where they had been, anything James wanted to know, Regulus told him. 

He saw several pictures, and in every single one he looked so happy James couldn’t even deny it if he wanted. He was always smiling, always reaching for Regulus or pulling him closer, even in group photos, just before the loop ended you could always catch James looking for Regulus. 

But Regulus was always looking back. 

“What’s the story of this?” James asked as they started the beginning of the second photo album. A loop of James, standing on a table with a television remote in his hand appearing to be screaming some song to Sirius who looked mildly put off, perhaps for karaoke. Everyone was in the photo– each one laughing and smiling as if it were the funniest thing in the world, aside from Regulus who you could watch sink into his seat with his hands covering his face in embarrassment. Off to the side it appeared Remus was recording the entire thing on a muggle video camera. 

Regulus’ eyes followed James' hand to the picture in question and immediately began laughing. 

Genuinely laughing. 

The first time James’ had heard such a sound, at least to his memory. And Regulus laughed, bringing his hands to his face and dropping his head into them as he shook his head with laughter. And James was smiling before he caught himself. 

Oh, he liked that.

“Oh Gods–” Regulus sputtered between laughs as he tried to slow them, his fingertips moving beneath his eyes to wipe tears that had formed from the happy act. “You– oh fuck.” Regulus dropped his hands to his side, leaning onto them as he shifted his weight around, eventually turning to meet James' eye with an almost cheerful expression– James returned it. 

He liked seeing Regulus happy it turns out. 

“Lily showed you this song from this muggle television show and you now perform it every single time someone suggests karaoke, directly to Sirius.” Regulus smiled fondly at the memory, or memories he was recalling. 

“What's the song? Why would I specifically sing it to Sirius?” 

“It’s called Best Friend’s Brother.” Regulus’ words answered everything James could possibly want to know. 

“Remus has it on tape somewhere, I could show you if you wanted– it's rather,” Regulus trailed off, dipping his head back, as he searched for the right word, “an enthusiastic performance.” A grin still plastered on his lips. 

“And I do it, because you’re my best friend’s brother.” James stated in realisation, not actually needing Regulus to confirm it out loud but just simply solidifying it in his mind.  

They were nearing the end of the second photo album now when James stumbled across a picture of himself, Regulus, and a very pregnant Lily Evans. 

“Lily had a baby?” James asked, curious as to why such a picture was in a photo album that was certainly more focused on his and Regulus’ relationship and a few group photos. But the words printed beneath the photo made it seem very intentional to be there, ‘Pregnant with Harry.’

James felt Regulus fall stiff at his side, and then as the younger man reached his hand over James’ to pull the photo album from between them and shut it before setting it to the side. 

“What are you doing?” James frowned, he had actually been enjoying talking about these pictures, seeing little glimpses into his life. It had helped with the anxiety of being around Regulus in the first place. 

“Let’s talk for a second, yeah?” Regulus seemed unsure, with a shaken tone as he shifted in his place to fully turn to face James. 

James gave him a confused look, but bobbed his head in agreement regardless, looking up to meet Regulus’ eye as he waited for the dark haired boy to say something, anything, but he just looked terrified. 

Inhaling a deep breath, Regulus slumped his shoulders forward a bit. “Alright, so we moved out of your parents the week I graduated right? You had bought the flat over Easter Holidays that year, got it all ready for us to move into when I graduated.” James listened and Regulus clearly was building up to dropping some kind of bomb on him. 

“Yeah alright, and then?” 

“You– I– Fuck–” Regulus stumbled, tilting his head back for a moment, but his broken responses only made James want to know even more what he was hiding. “Regulus, come on, just tell me. It can’t be that bad.” 

“No no, that’s the thing James, it’s not bad. It’s just– fuck.” If it weren’t for the clear frustration, James may have found the little huff Regulus let out to be rather adorable (who was he kidding, even with the frustration he found it adorable). 

“Okay so that first week we were living together– one night you just, you went on this whole ramble you know? Said you saw a future with me, that we were meant to be together, that it was me who you wanted to spend the rest of your life with.” Regulus tried to explain, clearly stressing the importance of how James was evidently feeling about their relationship at the time. And as if a little light bulb went off in his head, James felt it all click together. 

“So I proposed to you? The first week we lived together? Wow I wasted no time huh?” James tried to show Regulus he didn’t have to be nervous telling him such a thing. James had already figured out that he would have had to have proposed to Regulus at some point. 

“No no it’s not that.” Regulus shook his head, waving a slight hand in dismissal, “and I proposed to you actually– technically you had a ring too but I beat you to it. But that’s not the point of this– not yet anyways.” 

Regulus proposed to him? Oh, that’s rather— oh James liked that. 

Well now James was just confused. If it wasn’t his proposal to Regulus (or evidently lack thereof), that the boy was so nervous about being mentioned, what was it? 

“Okay well– just tell me.” James encouraged, as if it were just that simple, because to him it was.

“It’s not that easy James,” Regulus whined, tilting his head to the side to meet his eyes. And James took in the look of the other boy again, his leg was bouncing slightly and his hands shaking. Regulus wasn’t just nervous about telling him whatever he needed to tell him– he was terrified. 

“Regardless of who you go home to tomorrow, whether it’s me or your parents– there is something you need to know. And I know it’s going to sound crazy at first and completely insane and unreasonable and well– it kind of is so I guess I can’t blame you for that. But I need you to listen and at least try to understand alright? Yes we were young, but we were both so sure. We both are so sure.” Regulus was rambling, and it made a pit form in James’ stomach that he didn’t like, he felt sick. He had no idea what Regulus was about to tell him. He thought he already knew all the big things– what was bigger than the fact he had been married the last two years? 

“Reg please, you’re scaring me.” James sheepishly admitted, watching Regulus’ eyes soften at the admission. 

“You were so set on this future, and you went on and on about the fact it took your parents so long, that they had even begun to mourn what their life would be like without a child– how they had even started to accept it. And you didn’t want to wait–” Regulus’ words faded out as James finally, finally seemed to understand. 

The reason his parent’s and Regulus weren’t here at the same time. 

The conversation in French between Sirius and Regulus.

Why they would have moved into a house instead of remaining in an apartment so young.

Why Regulus stopped him from flipping to the next picture at the end of the photo album and why a third sat unopened still at the end of the bed. 

Lily had been pregnant, but it was a part of their story. 

Harry. 

Harry.

“–And one day we were talking to Lily about wanting to start a family, and she just offered to be a surrogate–”

“No no stop.” James was rapidly shaking his head as he pushed up and off of the hospital room, taking a few steps away as he just shook his head. 

No.

No. 

No. 

“James please–” Regulus’ voice cracked but James couldn’t bring himself to look over as he began pacing up and down the short length of the room, his hand coming up to his mouth as he bit harshly down on one of his fingers to stop himself from doing something stupid. 

“James?” Regulus sounded so broken, so scared– and a surge inside of James wanted to rush to the boy's side and offer comfort, offer love and adoration and make him feel better. But he couldn’t bring himself to do such a thing. 

“Tell me it’s not what I think it is, Regulus.” James forced out, still pacing, still shaking his head. “Tell me I’m wrong and this hasn’t been kept from me since yesterday bloody morning.” But Regulus was silent and James felt sick. 

“Please, James please come sit and we can talk okay? Please come talk to me.” Regulus was pleading, standing up from the hospital bed as well but James couldn’t bring himself to walk the short distance over to him. 

“Where were you this morning Regulus?” James croaked out, feeling tears gather in his eyes, and he wasn’t sure what they were from, sadness, hurt, being overwhelmed, scared. He felt them all, but also happiness, deep down. 

“I was at your parents house James.” 

“With who?”

“Harry. I was there with Harry.” Regulus breathed, and James finally stopped pacing, only a metre away from Regulus as he brought his eyes to the shorter boys. A mirrored look he was sure, of the same look in his own eyes– scared, hurt, overwhelmed, sad, Regulus was feeling all the same things he was too. 

“And–” James paused, breathing deeply in, “And Harry is–” James needed Regulus to say it, he needed to hear it out loud.

Regulus swallowed thickly, his eyes not leaving James as he spoke. “He’s ours. Harry is our son.” 

Son. 

James had a son. 

James was a father. 

James had a son with Regulus.

Harry. 

Harry. 

“We have a son?” James couldn’t help the crack in his voice, and he felt a rush of everything the moment Regulus’ head bobbed up and down.

“We have a son James. We have a beautiful and perfect son. He’s with your parents right now.” Regulus let out a small sound of relief with his words, as if saying them out loud lifted a weight off of his chest. Before hesitantly working to take a step closer to James, and another when he didn’t back away until Regulus was directly in front of him. 

“He’s so good James, he’s perfect. And he’s so much like you. And he’s ours.” Regulus spoke so lovingly in regards to his son, their son. 

“Ours?” 

“All ours.” 

Oh. Oh well that’s nice. But James felt a few tears fall down his cheeks anyways. 

It wasn’t as if it were bad news that Regulus had just delivered. James didn’t think that. No James felt overwhelmed and absolutely terrified of the fact he didn’t remember. 

He had a son and he didn’t even remember him. What does that say about him? What kind of parent would he be if he didn’t even remember his own child? 

“James,” He felt Regulus’ hands before he heard him if he was honest. Regulus’ soft hands moving to wipe the tears that fell from his cheeks. “Hey it's okay, I know it’s a lot but it’s okay–”

“Can I see him?” James hardly needed to think before he knew he wanted to see Harry. He wanted to see and meet his son– no he needed too. 

“James,” Regulus dropped his hands from his cheeks, and James’ frowned slightly at the loss of contact as he looked down at the younger who was looking back up at him. “Tomorrow yes but–”

“No please, Regulus, can I see him now please? I just– please.” James was practically pleading. 

“James he’s only two, he doesn’t– he won’t understand why you don’t remember him okay? And I can’t tell him alright? I can’t look him in the eyes and tell him his father doesn’t remember him because he won’t understand. I have to be the one to make this call alright? And Harry? Harry comes first, between the three of us, he always comes first. So I need you to just– please understand. I’m not saying not now because I want to hurt you or him. I’m saying not now because none of us can handle it right now and I can’t let this hurt him okay?” Regulus was rambling, pleading with James to understand why he was saying no. 

And on some level he understood, but on another he just wanted to see his son. This massive bomb was dropped on him and he wanted to see it with his own eyes. To see Harry with his own eyes. 

“Regulus,” 

“James please.” The younger boy whined, begging him to understand, “please please understand. I promise you can see him tomorrow, if I bring him here now he’ll never calm down tonight for bed if your parents try to take him. So please, just please. Tomorrow.” 

James searched Regulus’ eyes for something he didn’t quite know, he looked for a tell, for a sign. He searched and searched til he caught a glimpse of something he didn’t understand, but it calmed him anyways. He supposed if he wanted a sign, the sign that he made the right choice in who he married— this was it. He wasn’t just Regulus’ husband, he was Harry’s father. 

“Tomorrow?” 

“Tomorrow. I swear.” 

“Can I at least see the photo album then? That’s what the last one is right? Of us with Harry?” James asked hopefully. 

“Of course,” Regulus breathed out, “Of course you can see.” 

And so James moved back onto the bed with Regulus to open the third photo album and see their son. He could wait until tomorrow, he could understand why Regulus was making this call– that Regulus had to be Harry’s protector first. 

But James couldn’t wait to go home. 

Tomorrow. 

Tomorrow James will see his son.

Chapter Text

Regulus had spent most of the previous evening with James, and he missed him. 

There were moments, small glimpses of time where he almost could forget that James wasn’t his James right now. When the taller boy would have a certain look in his eye, or lean in a bit closer as they flipped through photo albums and Regulus told stories. It was only for moments, but those moments made him feel just a bit more whole. 

And James now officially knew about Harry. And that in itself was a relief. Not having to hide such a big detail from James, even if it had only been for a day, Regulus had hated hiding it. And he hated keeping Harry from James, especially when the young boy was asking and asking about where his Da was. 

“Tu verras Da demain Harry. Promis.” Regulus assured the small boy at bedtime, after he had left the hospital with the promise to James that he would be there in the morning to bring him home. 

Yes home, their home. 

James, after the news of Harry and the fact they had a son settled in, had almost immediately declared he wanted to go back home with Regulus. 

Regulus knew it was out of obligation to Harry that James made this call– and had even assured him that if he felt more comfortable with his parents that Regulus would still bring Harry by every day to see him. But James had insisted, declaring that if he was ever going to get his memories back he needed to go back to his life and that life was with Regulus and Harry. And that even if he didn’t remember their life now, didn’t mean he didn’t want to.

So, their home it was.

Regulus, regardless of how thrilled he was, also was absolutely petrified. He knew James was good, he knew his husband– and regardless of the growth he had certainly done in the last seven years, he was always good at his core. He was kind, loving– James Potter was quite literally the best man Regulus had ever encountered. 

But as good as James was, that didn’t take away the complete absence in his mind of what his life was. James had been thrilled to ask about Regulus, about Harry–  the life they had formed together. And to anyone else James would seem fine, more than fine given the circumstance. But Regulus wasn’t anyone else. He had spent the last seven years with James, learning him, loving him, understanding him, so Regulus knew that James was in fact not fine. 

That wasn’t to say he wouldn’t be, or that this was necessarily too much for James to handle. Regulus wouldn’t have let him make the call to come back home with him if he knew James wouldn’t be able to handle it. He knew his husband, and he knew he could, but Merlin– Regulus was terrified anyway. 

“Harry, hey Harry come here.” Regulus bent down to be eye level with his toddler as they approached the front door of the Black-Potter household. 

That morning, Regulus had met James at the hospital– alongside Remus and Sirius, and collectively made the agreement that Regulus would go and get Harry from Effie and Monty’s while Remus and Sirius brought James to their home. 

James was visibly shaking with the excitement of seeing Harry– he had basically begged Regulus not to change his mind the very second he walked into the hospital room. And with the reassurance that Regulus would not be taking it back (even if he wanted to, he already told Harry he could see his Da and there was certainly no going back on that), James was beaming, thriving, the embodiment of excitement. 

And Regulus knew it was genuine, despite the nerves that James was no doubt feeling, and has even expressed to Regulus last night, wondering how his relationship with Harry was, if Harry was upset with him for not being around the past few days, if he was truly a good dad. All of which Regulus assured him of. 

Merlin, if James had just seen how much Harry had been asking for him– all his worries would be washed away. If there was one thing Regulus was sure of, it’s that James Potter has been, and always will be the best father. 

“Oui Papa ?” Harry, who was rushing to the door in excitement with the knowledge that James was just inside with his Uncle Pads and Moony– all that they were having over right now. They didn’t want to overwhelm James or Harry, and the less people around for this first ‘meeting’ the better. 

“Come here,” Regulus didn’t even bother attempting to speak French with the young boy right now– knowing while Harry would no doubt understand what he said, he needed to be extra sure before walking in that door with him, regardless of the fact Regulus had already spoken to his toddler about James. 

Harry, who looked distraught being called away from the door– no doubt in fear of not actually being able to see his Da. The young boy, who clenched Froggy tightly to his chest, looked between Regulus and the door several times, feet planted firmly where he stood, not making a move in either direction. 

“It’s alright, we’ll go inside in a second okay? Just come here for a second.” Regulus assured with a soft tone, his arms opening in a welcoming notion– and Harry, only being two and a half, took it as a good sign and ran straight into Regulus’ arms, his little body colliding with his chest. 

“Oi,” Regulus huffed a small laugh as Harry pulled away to look at his father with a happy grin. “Bonjour Papa.” Harry cheekily smiled, green eyes shining. 

“Bonjour mon amour,” Regulus smiled, his hand moving to push some of Harry’s hair from his forehead– just like James, their son’s hair had a whole mind of its own. “Do you remember what we talked about with Da?” Regulus asked Harry gently, watching as the young boy's head bobbled in a nod. 

“Oui Papa.”

“Okay, so I need you to be careful, okay? Da is very excited to see you, but you need to be easy. We don’t want to hurt Da, and he’s going to be home with us a whole bunch now so it’s okay if we take breaks from playing.” Regulus attempted to use more toddler friendly words, knowing while Harry was rather smart for being so young– he was still only a toddler and no matter how many reminders he was given, he'd still forget certain things in excitement. 

“No quid–” Harry paused, frowning as his head tilted to the side, “No broom for Da?” The small boy inquired curiously, used to James leaving in the mornings for Quidditch practice and then coming home to spend the afternoon and evening with his family. Though he still hadn’t quite figured out how to say Quidditch. 

“No broom for Da, that's right.” Regulus nodded, knowing there certainly wouldn’t be anymore flying for James anytime soon– or ever if he had anything to say about it. 

Harry seemed to pounder what Regulus had told him, before nodding again. “Maintenant, Papa, on va voir Da ?” Harry, ever the impatient, practically beamed at Regulus, fully preparing to bolt towards the front door before Regulus quickly closed his arms around the young boy and lifted him up as he stood up himself. 

“Oui, on y va maintenant.”  Regulus confirmed for the young boy, but set out on placing a series of kisses against Harry’s cheeks and face as he walked them up the porch steps. Harry immediately giggling and thrashing in Regulus’ arms, letting out small squeals of happiness. 

“Papa! Papa!” Harry giggled, and moments like this– Regulus swore nothing could ever bring down. When Harry was happy and in his arms, well Regulus’ whole world was right there. 

“Okay, okay.” Regulus smiled, placing one final kiss to Harry’s cheek, which the young boy then returned the gesture and placed a sloppy kiss against his fathers cheek. 

“Souviens-toi, vas-y tranquillement d’accord ?” Regulus reminded one last time, shifting Harry in his arms to be set down once again, earning a hard nod in return. 

“Tranquillement.” Harry confirmed, slipping out of Regulus’ arms to have his feet firmly placed on the ground as Regulus then moved to open the door. 

He was half tempted to turn around and take Harry back to Effie and Monty’s and just protect the young boy with everything he can– but he knew that wasn’t fair. Not to Harry, not to James, not even to himself. This was his family, and he had every intention of ensuring it stayed together, and pulling Harry away from his father was never going to be a successful solution. 

So instead of running, regardless of how tempting it is– Regulus pushed open the front door, and before it was even all the way open Harry was rushing in the door. 

“Da!” The young boy’s voice was loud, as he ran straight into the sitting room, dropping Froggy on the way, and basically crashed into James’ legs full speed before James even had a moment of time to realise. 

“Harry, doucement !” Regulus immediately found himself reminding the boy, who clearly had forgotten about it in the two seconds it took Regulus to even open the front door. James however, despite the initial shock of Harry racing straight at him, seemed to have recovered rather quickly and bent down when he realised Harry’s little arms were reaching up, the two year old bouncing on his feet eagerly wanting to be picked up. 

And like he had done it a thousand times (he had, but this James didn’t know that), James lifted Harry up and into his arms as the young boy immediately was wrapping his arms around his father’s neck. 

“Désolé Papa !” Harry sheepishly mumbled, but didn’t even give Regulus the time to look back at him– he was completely and entirely focused on James. And Regulus couldn’t even find it in himself to care, not when Harry was so entranced with James. 

And James, despite the slight fear in his eyes, seemed oddly at ease holding the toddler he didn’t even truly know. Harry snuggled in closer to James, who looked to Regulus for guidance. He may have been a natural with Harry, but this wasn’t ever going to be easy– being thrust into fatherhood with no memory of a child who knew so much about you. 

“It’s okay,” Regulus mouthed quietly to James, everyone already having agreed that they would all do their best not to give any indication to Harry that James had lost his memory, and when James felt overwhelmed or was backed into a corner with Harry– he would ask for help. It shouldn’t be quite so hard, seeing Harry is only two and distracting him was rather easy. 

“Da, Papa say you have no quidd-uh-itch and stay home!” Harry pulled back slightly to look up to James while he still was happily beaming in his arms, and Regulus could see the moment James truly took it in. 

It was one thing to see a child in photographs, to hear a few stories, to know they are half of you. But it is an entirely other prospect to hold that child in your arms and see their face and hear their voice.

And James’ eyes softened, as he actually got a good look at Harry for the first time and not just a flash of the young boy running into his arms. Harry was practically a carbon copy of James, sure he had Lily’s green eyes and his skin was just a few shades lighter than his fathers (though in the summer months one could hardly tell), but he still looked just like James. 

And for Regulus, for the first time in days, his life felt a little more glued back together as he had his family in his sight. 

“Yeah, no Quidditch huh?” James breathed out, just looking at Harry in awe, the young child unnoticing of the look– perhaps because James always looked at Harry that way. 

“Quidd-uh-itch with me?” Harry asked hopefully. 

But before James could answer– and no doubt the idiot would say yes, Regulus was cutting in. “Absolutely not, no. No Quidditch for you, not Quidditch for your Da– this household officially is never playing Quidditch again.” Regulus mentioned, causing Harry to turn his head back to look at him, while Remus and Sirius, who were happy bystanders in this entire re-meeting, began laughing at Regulus’ insistence. 

“Papa,” Harry attempted to give Regulus the same look James usually would when Regulus said no about something, his little eyebrows raised, but Regulus adamantly shook his head. 

“Non Harry.” 

“Mais Papa, jouer ici ! Voler avec Da !” Harry’s excitement was adorable, but certainly not enough for Regulus to give in. 

“Non, tu resteras sur le sol ferme Haz.” James was watching curiously at the interaction, that was until Harry turned back to him. 

“Da, you fly with me?” Harry, ever the schemer, took it upon himself to try and switch the question around. 

“Harry James Black-Potter!” Regulus scolded, but the little boy just looked to James with hope of a different answer. And Regulus was prepared to have to butt in, James surely wasn’t prepared to deal with a meddling toddler– but as he always had been, James Potter was full of surprises. 

“Harry, your Papa said no flying or Quidditch, so what does that mean?” James spoke gently to the young boy– who no doubt was frowning where Regulus couldn’t see. 

“Means no Da,” Harry’s little voice seemed defeated, as if he had ever gotten away with that little trick before. 

“So what should you say to Papa?” Oh Regulus would marry this man all over again right now– how was he so perfect? James was effortless when it came to Harry it seemed, and Regulus could have sworn his heart was swelling out of his chest. How could he remember nothing of their last seven years together and still be so effortlessly wonderful.

“Je suis désolé Papa,” Harry mumbled sweetly, turning to his father with large green eyes and an adorable (yet still apologetic) smile. 

“Merci mon amour.” Regulus assured, walking up to James who still had Harry, to place a small kiss on their son’s cheek, which Harry grinned upon receiving. “Do you want something to eat? Drink?” Regulus looked up the short distance, only to find James already looking back at him. 

Regulus didn’t quite know how to put it into words, the way time seemed to stop, the way for a moment, just a moment– it was as if his husband was truly looking at him again. James’ warm brown eyes were soft, looking at Regulus with pure genuine curiosity, which the younger felt was rather confused by. Regulus hadn’t done anything, no it was James who was already so perfect with Harry, James who was a stranger in his own life and still attempting to live it. Regulus hadn’t done anything, and here he was, being looked at like that by James Potter. 

“Uh-” James spoke up, just a small sputtering sound escaping his lips for a moment, before Harry inevitability moved and tore James’ eyes from Regulus back to him. “Maybe a drink uh-” James shook his head, as if trying to return to reality, to the young boy beaming in his arms. 

“I’ll make you a cuppa.” Regulus nodded, knowing James loved when he made him tea, before he was turning to Harry. 

“Et toi ? Tu as faim ? Soif ?”

“Crisps Papa!” 

“Un sandwich avec les chips ?”  Regulus countered the young boy, as it was certainly getting closer to time for Harry to have lunch before his nap– which Regulus truly doubted he would be taking anyway but the hope was still there.

“Oui Papa.” Harry didn’t have any objections, or perhaps was far too entranced with James to voice them, regardless Regulus was pleased enough with the answer. 

“Do you guys want anything?” Regulus then turned to Sirius and Remus, who turned to look at them from their private whispered conversation. 

“Ahh no I’m alright– I think me and Moons will head out soon anyways–” Sirius went to answer, Remus nodding his head along, when seemingly Harry noticed his uncles there for the first time. 

“Moons!” Harry squealed in excitement the moment his eyes officially landed on Remus, going to surge forward to get out of James’ arms and into Remus’, though quickly moved back when he realised what that meant. 

“Da,” Harry frowned, clinging back to James, but was eyeing Remus hopefully, clearly in distress as to what he was supposed to do. 

“You can go to Moony if you want Harry.” James told the boy, clearly not quite grasping the reason for Harry’s hesitation. 

“Or Uncle Pads, you know– your favourite uncle Haz.” Sirius added in, but Harry was already rapidly shaking his head. 

“Méchant Padfoot, m’amené chez Nan and Pops alors que j’ai dit non.”  Harry made a face at Sirius, and Regulus couldn’t help but laugh as he watched the whole interaction. 

“Oi! Your Papa told me to take you to Nan and Pops, and you aren’t mad at him.” Sirius pointed out, though young Harry just rapidly shook his head. 

“Méchant Pads, Da, tell Pads!” Harry looked up to James, who seemingly was just as amused as Regulus and Remus who just watched Harry scold Sirius, shaking his small pointed finger at his uncle. 

“Oh well, Padfoot–” James’ tone trailed off, a grin on his lips as Harry cheered at the fact James was on his side. 

“Prongs!” Sirius mocked the offence, both clearly going on to carry on the happy laughs that came from the young boy. 

Regulus decided now was his time to make his way into the kitchen, turning on the kettle to prepare a cuppa for James (he preferred tea the muggle way), and gathered anything necessary for a sandwich for Harry– half tempted to make one for James as well, but also not wanting to overwhelm him with too much too soon. 

“He’s curious you know,” Regulus jumped at the voice that came from behind him, whipping his head around to see Remus standing in the doorway with a small smile on his lips. 

“Merlin fuck– warn a man would you?” Regulus breathed out, shaking his head as he turned fully to face the other. “Who’s curious? Harry? Do you think he can tell? Oh I knew I shouldn’t of rushed this–” 

“No no, Reg not Harry.” Remus immediately cut in, stepping into the kitchen to stand on the other side of the island bar, hands resting on the granite countertop. “James.”

Regulus felt his head dip to the side slightly, confusion clear on his face as he carried over a few ingredients to make Harry’s sandwich and a mug over to finish James’ tea once the kettle was ready, standing on the other side of the island bar facing Remus.

“What do you mean, he’s curious?” Regulus found himself asking, but he was truthfully rather unsure of if he even wanted an answer. James certainly trusted Sirius and Remus far more than he trusted him right now– he could have told them something that Regulus would not be ready to hear. 

Truthfully there were many things Regulus knew he would never be ready to hear regarding how this James regarded him. 

“He’s curious. About you mainly– I think he doesn’t understand why he feels the way he does, but he feels something.” Remus shrugged, “Also about Harry but in a different way. Harry is easy, he’s so small, so simple– it’s effortless to love him. And James, well we know James was always meant to be a father. That will come naturally to him– you– you won't.” 

Regulus didn’t quite know how to take Remus’ words– he knew Remus didn’t mean them negatively. But Regulus didn’t quite understand how they were good either. 

How was curiosity supposed to get him his husband back? 

“Did he say anything?” 

“Not really– he’s asked questions. I think he’s still trying to wrap his head around this all. You and him. But it’s James you know? The moment he saw you in our seventh year it was as if he was hooked– so much changed from April to September of 2015 and now– I think his mind needs to catch up.” Remus attempted to explain, though seemed to be trying to find the proper wording himself. 

“Obviously his mind needs to catch up, it’s missing seven bloody years.” Regulus sighed, shaking his head as the kettle cut off, turning to grab it and pour it into the mug he had set aside for James, with a teaspoon of honey and a packet of Earl Grey. 

Remus snorted, and Regulus could practically hear him roll his eyes even without lifting his head to look at the other. “Clearly Reg– but you, ugh.” Remus huffed, sounding frustrated, though Regulus knew he really wasn’t. 

“Listen– James, it’s James alright? It’s not like if it was you– Merlin imagine us telling 2015 you that you grew up to marry James Potter and have a family with him? You would quite literally hex us all and insist we are lying.” Well, obviously. Regulus knew his younger self would have never accepted the idea that he would end up with James Potter. “But it’s James. He isn’t thinking about the logistics of it all– he’s trying to feel it. And he feels something, for Harry, for you. Gods, Reg if you could see the way he’s looking at you already…” Remus’ voice trailed off with a breathless end. “You’re a mystery to him, the puzzle piece that shouldn’t fit but it just does. ”

Regulus didn’t quite know how to take the words, as he finished up making Harry’s very simple sandwich (just ham and cheese, as it was all the two year old would eat). He knew James, at least he knew his James. But he didn’t know what Remus meant, because he didn’t feel like it was his James in the other room. 

But maybe, maybe this James wanted to be. 

“I don’t know Remus– all I know is the only reason he’s even here is because of Harry.” 

“I think you’re wrong, Regulus. I think he’d be here if it was just you and–” 

“No no, Remus don’t.” The younger boy felt himself shaking his head rapidly, looking down to pull the steeped tea bag from James’ mug and drop it into the bin, blinking back tears that began threatening to spill. “I can’t take it right now alright. Any false hope will quite literally kill me. I’m sure he feels something for me, yeah, but he has no idea what it is and it’s not how he felt about me even last week. He doesn’t remember any of it, and all I can do right now, is smile and pretend it doesn’t absolutely kill me inside that my husband doesn’t only not remember me, but our son as well. We just have to wait until he gets his memories back and then it’ll be fine. But until then, I have no room in me for false hope. So please– please just– don’t.” 

Remus frowned, but nodded his head anyway. “Yeah of course Reg, whatever you need.” That's what Regulus particularly liked about Remus, the way he didn’t push, how he knew when to let things rest. Regulus got along well with Remus– perhaps the best out of all of James’ friends.

“Moony!” The sound of little feet paddling their way into the kitchen, followed by Harry rushing straight to his uncle broke up whatever remnants of the conversation that lingered. 

“Oh well, hello there Harry.” Remus grinned, leaning over to pick up the toddler who was beaming at his feet, who surged forward and wrapped his arms around Remus’ neck in a hug. 

“Missed Moony!” 

“I missed you too Haz.” Remus smiled, sending a look to Regulus from across the countertop.

Harry, for whatever reason, had always taken to Remus. Despite the fact the lot of his other uncles would argue on who Harry’s favourite was– they all knew it was Remus. The first sound Harry could even make was the ‘m’ and for months Regulus was mama and James was ma– but Remus all along had been at least Moo (which Sirius had a field day with). 

“You come play with me and Da?” Harry asked once he pulled back from his hug around Remus’ neck. 

“I can for a little Haz– but then me and uncle Padfoot gotta go to our home okay?” 

“No no Moons no. Uncle Pads is in trouble with Da– you stay here.” Harry insisted, shaking his head with an almost concerned voice, as if Remus should have known the entire time that he would be staying. 

“Oh, alright Harry. But won’t uncle Pads be sad you aren’t playing with him? We don’t want him to be sad, do we?” Remus tried to sway Harry’s decision while Regulus moved to plate the toddler's lunch– pouring some crisps beside the sandwich on the plate. And usually such a thing would have worked, Harry hated making anyone sad, though apparently today he didn’t care. 

“Pads made me sad Moony, so Pads can’t play with me today.”

It took all of two seconds before both Remus and Regulus were laughing– because of course today of all days Harry decided to learn how to hold a grudge. And while Regulus certainly knew it was unfair, and Sirius hadn’t done anything wrong, well– it was just too funny. 

“Mark one down for Slytherin on the Tally for me.” Remus chuckled, nodding his head over to the fridge– where an ongoing Slytherin vs Gryffindor tally was being conducted on which house Harry was more likely to be sorted into when he attended Hogwarts. And thus far in the young boy’s life, Slytherin was winning. 

“Oh I will.” Regulus assured with a grin. 

“Okay okay little one, let’s get you sat down for lunch yeah?” Regulus smiled through the words after a moment, still with a slight chuckle in his voice as he rounded the kitchen island, opening his hands to take Harry from Remus. The young boy didn’t put up any sort of fight, just happily leaning into his Papa’s arms. 

“Can I have my lunch in the sitting room Papa?” Harry asked hopefully, batting his big green eyes as Regulus. Harry knew he usually needed to eat at the kitchen table, it was cleaner and more of a routine, but Regulus knew it was just to be able to stay closer to James– who was still in the sitting room with Sirius. 

“Il faut faire attention et rester à table là d'accord ?” Regulus bargained with the boy, who seemed pleased enough and rapidly nodded in agreement. 

“Je vais Papa! Je vais.” 

So Regulus put Harry down, and Remus followed the young boy back out to the sitting room as Regulus grabbed Harry’s plate and James’ cuppa before following the two. 

Entering the room he was met with Sirius and James sitting on the couch, and Harry standing in front of James’ with his hands on his fathers knees and bouncing on his feet happily. 

And for a moment Regulus could pretend this was normal. James and Sirius talking while Harry bounced around from person to person because just like his father the young boy loved being around people and having all the focus on himself.  Just for a moment, the scene before him didn’t have to bear a heavy weight on his chest. 

For a moment his husband was just his husband, and the reality of their life didn’t matter. Because James was right there, right there with Harry. 

For a moment, just a moment– Regulus could breathe. 

“Harry,” Regulus called the boy’s name, motioning to where he sat down the plate with his sandwich and crisps, and with no struggle the young boy happily moved to the table and picked up a crisp and began eating. 

“For you,” Regulus then offered the cuppa to James, who beamed a smile and accepted the warm mug with a quiet thank you.

Time seemed to pass rather quickly after that. 

Remus and Sirius eventually left– staying longer than they had originally planned once Harry decided he could forgive his Uncle Pads, though only if he got to play with Padfoot, resulting in an abnormally large black dog running around the sitting room with a squealing Harry chasing after him. But before too long they did have to go home– with a promise to return the next day, or if they needed them too. Though James assured Sirius mainly, that he would be fine and see him tomorrow. 

And things were fine. 

Regulus and James hardly spoke, both walking on eggshells around one another, but Harry was happy to keep the conversation up for the both of them. The young boy happily bounced between his fathers, one second climbing up into the chair Regulus sat in and the next jumping onto James with a happy fit of laughter. 

And for now that was certainly enough– Harry’s oblivious nature to the tension between his parents was a relief for Regulus. He didn’t want to stress or worry the young boy even more, and Harry was none the wiser as long as he had equal access to both Regulus and James. 

This did however, lead to the boy refusing his midday nap– insisting rather persistently that he was a ‘big boy now’ and ‘big boys don’t take naps Papa’. And now, at just a quarter past eight, Harry was quite literally falling over as he walked down the hallway to his bathroom after they finished dinner. 

“Allez Haz, allons te brosser les dents et ensuite on pourra t'habiller pour aller au lit, ouais ?” Regulus cooed quietly to his small son, James following in tote but was more of a quiet bystander, just simply taking in the routine. 

“Non Papa. Je n'ai pas sommeil.” Harry insisted, right before nearly running into the bathroom door due to his half closed eyes. 

“Bien sûr pas mon amour, bien sûr que non.”

Regulus did get Harry into the bathroom, and helped the young boy get his toothbrush ready, and let Harry brush his own teeth– a recent development but one the young boy preferred to the alternative of one of his fathers doing it for him. And Regulus brushed Harry’s hair back with his fingers, getting at least most of it out of his face, and cleaned up around his mouth once he finished brushing his teeth.

“Come here,” Regulus whispered quietly to the boy, opening his arms up to the young boy– though Harry stubbornly crossed his arms, “Non,”. Regulus sighed, raising an eyebrow at the young boy, motioning a hand for Harry to walk himself if he didn’t want to be carried. But Harry remained with his feet planted firmly on the ground, a small frown on the boy's lips that Regulus didn’t even know what was caused by. 

“Harry–”

“I got it Reg,” James spoke up from where he was leaning in the doorway, pushing off to walk into the bathroom, opening his arms up in the exact same way Regulus just had, only this time Harry walked straight into them. 

With a huff Regulus accepted such a fate, being second choice to his son that night. It wasn’t a particular surprise, as Harry had been begging for James since that very first day, and Regulus had at least been there the past two nights to put him to bed. 

So Regulus just made his way into Harry’s bedroom that was across the hall, “Can you get him changed then? His pyjamas are in the bottom drawer of his dresser.” Regulus motioned to the dresser in question once James entered the room, with a very sleepy Harry in his arms– his head rested against James’ shoulder. 

“Yeah of course.” 

And while James worked to get Harry changed into his pyjamas, Regulus moved to prepare the boys bed for the night, pulling his blanket out and straightening out his pillow, eventually reaching for his wand to turn on the dull lights of Harry’s nightlight that would cue off in thirty minutes once the young boy was fast asleep. 

“Papa?” Harry’s small voice caused Regulus to turn, though almost bumping straight into James who had apparently made his way over to where Regulus stood once Harry was dressed in one of his favourite pyjama sets with dinosaurs all over them. 

“Oh shit sorry–” James flushed, taking a sheepish step away from Regulus, who just shook his head in assurance it was fine.

“Sleep?” Harry– who now seemed to be over his insistence that he was not tired, questioned with half closed green eyes as his small hands bundled in fists rubbed roughly at them. 

“Yeah it’s time for bed Haz.” Regulus confirmed, and it seemed to be enough for the boy. Harry allowed James to set him on his bed, the small boy kicking his feet in an attempt to get comfortable as James lifted his blanket over his small boy. 

“Can you–” Harry paused mid question, suddenly sitting up and frantically looking around with wide eyes. “Froggy! Papa! Papa! Où est Froggy ?” 

Regulus matched the boy's wide eyes, not entirely sure where Froggy was, but he was sure Harry grabbed Froggy before they left Effie and Monty’s– though it was apparent the toddler didn’t as tears almost immediately began gathering in his eyes. 

“Non non, Harry, mon amour. It’s okay, I’ll go get Froggy now, yeah? It’s okay.” Regulus quickly assured, hand reaching out to stroke Harry’s cheek gently. 

“Okay Papa.” His small voice still quivering slightly, quickly blinking so his tears wouldn’t fall. 

“Just a second yeah?” Regulus turned to James, who– much like he had been the entire day, was watching Regulus with Harry with a look the younger boy couldn’t quite decipher. 

“Yeah yeah, I’m good here.” James gave a small smile with a nod. 

Regulus stepped out of the toddlers bedroom and headed straight for the sitting room, checking on the couch and chairs for any glint of the green stuffed frog with no avail. Pausing to think back to the last time he saw Harry with the stuffed animal, all the while mentally cursing himself and James for letting Harry get so attached to Froggy that he couldn’t sleep without him. 

He was sure Harry grabbed Froggy when Regulus picked him up, remembering the green flush against his son’s skin, tucked under his arm as it usually was. And he remembered seeing it when he spoke to Harry before coming inside to see James. Did they leave it outside? 

With a sigh, Regulus set out towards the front door– but thankfully didn’t have to get that far, finding Froggy dropped to the ground in the entryway, certainly dropped due to Harry’s excitement to see his Da again. But that hardly mattered, as long as it was here Regulus was happy. 

Making his way back to Harry’s bedroom, though found himself halting to a stop just before the doorway. The quiet sound of James’ voice carrying through the room, “Near the village, the peaceful village, the lion sleeps tonight…” 

Regulus leaned up against the wall outside the room, head resting as he listened quietly, closing his eyes and just taking a moment. A moment for James to sing to Harry, who let out sputtered giggles when James sang in a fun voice. Regulus didn’t have it in himself to walk into the room and break up whatever was ensuing between the father and son, no– for now he just listened, and pretended it could mask the sound of his heart pounding in his chest. 

Once he recognised the ending verse, Regulus pushed up off the wall and made his way into the room, seeing James bent down to eye level with Harry was was laying down with a happy grin on his lips as he watched his father, though when he noticed Regulus, or rather Froggy– the young boy immediately was reaching his hands out. 

“Froggy Froggy! Merci Papa, Merci !” Harry grinned, accepting the stuffed frog from Regulus and quickly snuggled it in close to his chest. 

“De rein mon amour.” Regulus whispered quietly, leaning down to place a kiss to Harry’s head as James stood up from his squatted position. 

“Goodnight Harry,” Regulus mumbled, followed by James telling the boy the same. And Harry, who was finally allowing himself to give into the sleep dragging him down completely, mumbled a quiet, “goodnight papa, da.”

Regulus silently motioned for James to follow him out of the room, who took a moment longer than necessary to look over the nearly asleep toddler before following behind. 

“How’d you know that was his bedtime song?” Regulus couldn’t help the question as it stumbled from his lips the second Harry’s door was shut. And the question seemed to catch James off guard, as he looked at Regulus with almost curious eyes. 

“Uh– I– I don’t know– it’s the song my dad used to sing to me as a kid, so when Harry asked me to sing to him, it was the first I thought of. Just came naturally I guess.” James stumbled over his words. “Why do you speak to him in French?” 

“Oh uh– We decided to raise him bilingual before he was born. I almost exclusively speak to him in French. You can talk to him in Hindi or Urdu as well– your parents usually do, but he won’t always answer you back to them– even if he understands.” Regulus was a bit taken back by the question, feeling as if that were rather obvious. Though he supposed James was taking in new information by the second, some things were bound to slip through the cracks. 

“I don’t speak Hindi or Urdu with him?” James frowned slightly. 

“No– I mean you do some. But you thought it was important that someone at home was speaking English with him, and you said your Hindi and Urdu isn’t as fluent as your parents so you only use it with him sometimes.” Regulus attempted to explain, and James slowly nodded, accepting of the answer at the very least. 

“Are you okay? With–” After a moment of silence, Regulus spoke up, his hands motioning in circles to indicate everything around them. “With all of this? If it’s too much you can still go to your parents. I can tell Harry something, it would be fine.” 

“No no. I don’t want to go to my parents, I want to be here, with Harry.” James confirmed with a sharp nod, as if he were certain, and Regulus hoped he was. 

“Okay– okay. Just– I don’t know, tell me if it gets too much. I can take Harry off somewhere and give you space.”

“Regulus– Regulus no.” James cut the other off, “I can handle this, I want to handle this.” James stressed, brown eyes meeting green with a pleading gleam behind them. James wanted Regulus to trust his words, and as much as Regulus wanted too, he was terrified. His body filled with so much worry for how this could all affect Harry that he didn’t even have room inside of him to worry about how it would affect him. 

Everything in Regulus wanted to trust James, mostly because he usually did. He was married to the man for fucksake. Regulus had told James, his James– every single hidden secret of his life. He knew everything there was to know about Regulus, his James could read him like an open book without so much as needing to reread. 

But his James, well it wasn’t this James. 

This James was just sixteen with the biggest worry of his life thus far being what prank would gather the most attention. This James was in detention at least once a week, and spent more time skiving off class with his mates than anything else. This James wasn’t in a long term committed relationship– let alone marriage. This James wasn’t a father to a two and a half year old. No, this James wasn’t his James. Not yet anyways. 

“I want to believe you James I do,” Regulus tried to ignore the way the other seemed to perk up at those words, “but–” James’ expression dropped slightly, but was still listening nonetheless. “I have to worry about Harry first, you’ve seen how he is. He’s attached, he wants you. And Merlin James if you want to be here– please be here. But if it does get too much I need you to come and tell me so I can protect that little boy from feeling like something is his fault when we both know it’s not.” Regulus wished James could understand things the way he did, the way a father did. 

But even if he couldn’t, James nodded slowly, processing Regulus’ words with care. “Alright, I’ll come to you if I need to.” He confirmed, and Regulus forced a smile because truthfully that’s all he needed.

“Thank you–”

“But I won’t need to.” 

Regulus let out a small sigh, looking up the short distance to the taller from where he stood. And James looked serious about his words, sure of them. And Regulus wanted to trust them, but he couldn’t– not yet. But maybe someday soon. 

“Okay James.” The curly haired boy accepted, and before James could say much more past the clear grin that rose across lips, Regulus was cutting in again. 

“Do you want me to show you our room so you can get ready for bed?” It may not have been so late– but the day they had was emotionally exhausting, for the both of them at the very least. 

“Our room? As in–”

“No– I mean yes, it’s our room. But I won’t be.” Regulus shook his head, “I’m sleeping in the guest room for now.” 

James frowned, tilting his head to the side slightly, “Are you sure? I can sleep in the guest room Reg. I don’t– I don’t want to kick you out of your own bedroom. That hardly seemed fair.” 

“I’m sure James really.” Regulus assured, “It’s better for you to be somewhere familiar, Healer Davis thinks it’ll help. Besides, the guest room is closer to Harry so I can hear him a bit easier in the morning when he wakes up. It’s not a problem.” Regulus had gone through this all in his head already, and he found it best to be closer to Harry incase of the toddler needing someone and James not knowing how to help in the best way. James may have been a natural at being a father, but there were just some things that are better done with extensive experience, and currently James was missing all of the experience relating to their son. And besides– if familiarity was what the healers thought would bring his husband's memories back. Well, what’s more familiar than one's bedroom? 

“Well– if you’re sure.” Still a bit sceptical, but in agreement regardless. “Lead the way.” 

“Follow me,” Regulus grinned, beginning to walk towards their bedroom, head motioning for him to follow the same way his words had expressed. 

And James did. 

A few moments later, after a gentle goodnight, just as Regulus went to turn away– James’ hand reached out to grab his wrist. 

“And you.” James mumbled quietly, brown eyes meeting confused green ones as Regulus looked at him, head falling to the side with a slight shake. 

“And me what?” 

“Earlier– when I said I wanted to be here with Harry, and you , Regulus. I want to be here with you too.” 

Oh. 

You can’t just say that James Potter that– oh. 

“Anyway,  I just– I thought you should know that.” 

For what? So I can look like an idiot standing here completely in love with you? 

Regulus did stand rather still, his lips parted ever so slightly looked at James. And James, with the faintest hint of flushed cheeks just looked back, as if waiting for Regulus to say something, do something. 

But instead, the younger boy stood quiet for a moment, before shaking his head to clear all the thoughts that just told him to lean up and place a kiss to the other boy's lips– because truly how could James get away with saying that to him? 

“Goodnight James,” Regulus whispered between them, feeling James’ hand slowly drop his wrist from where he had pulled him back. Regulus immediately missed the warmth. 

“Goodnight Regulus.” 

And that night, laying in bed– for the first time, Regulus let himself hope. 

Chapter Text

Regulus had given James permission on the second night to go through anything in their bedroom he had wanted. 

James wanted. 

He had spent the first night tossing and turning, completely unable to sleep– regardless of the comfortable mattress. No, his mind had been racing, thinking every detail of the day over and over again. 

Harry. 

Oh James thought Harry was absolutely perfect. 

The young boy had been everything his mind had imagined, and so so so much more. He was full of light and laughter, demanding attention from everyone in a room without even trying, and James wanted to give it to him. He wanted to give Harry everything. 

But while learning Harry, James couldn’t stop looking at Regulus. 

And Regulus? Oh Merlin he was confusing. 

James had told himself to be open to the idea of Regulus, clearly his future self had been– enough so to marry the bloke. The least he could do is try and understand that, right? 

Well easier said than done. 

While this Regulus had certainly grown from the boy James remembered seeing around the corridors of Hogwarts– this Regulus was pure magic. He was soft, with curls that bounced with his every move, and big green eyes that felt almost like coming home in a way James did not understand. Regulus’ skin was pale, and anytime he even got the slightest bit flustered it showed across his cheeks beautifully.

But more than that, Regulus was bloody brilliant with Harry. 

James hadn’t known exactly what he was expecting from that dynamic. He had seen a few of the photos in the albums that Regulus brought but that didn’t prepare him for actually seeing the two together. Regulus was phenomenal with Harry, effortlessly so– and the young boy looked at Regulus with such adoration that James’ couldn’t help but do the same. 

It had been four days now since James first came home. Four days of living with Regulus and Harry. And four days with absolutely no returning memories. 

On day two, things were rather like the first. Sirius returned at midday and stayed until Moony would have been getting off work (Remus owned a book shop and James was not at all surprised). Harry was less clingy on day two, at least mostly– he spent more time clashing his toy trucks together on the floor than jumping in James’ lap. 

Regulus built a train track with Harry that day– James watched blissfully at the two smiling boys who never even once looked up to notice.

On night two however, once James was given the permission to look through everything in the room– “It’s your room too James, nothing to hide, look around, I’m not going to stop you.” Regulus had told him. And James spent most of the night searching through everything in the room. 

There wasn’t much that James found that truly gave him insight to his life with Regulus– well aside from a bottle of muggle lube which quite frankly was a bit confusing, wasn’t there a spell for that?

James had also found a planner in his bedside table, though apparently he was as awful at twenty-three at using them as he was at sixteen. Only two weeks filled out before it went blank, so it was rather useless in giving him any insight into what his life had been. 

A few small toys were thrown in the bedside table as well, from what James assumed was left by Harry at one point or another and he just hadn’t brought them back to the young boy’s room. 

Everything else felt useless. 

He had been tempted to shuffle through Regulus’ side (okay he opened the drawer and it was far too neat and only held a planner– so he gave up). And aside from that, all that there was on his side was a copy of The Giver by Lois Lowry and James highly doubted that would give him much insight. 

All in all– his search for answers went rather unsuccessfully, though he supposed that perhaps the fact he didn’t even know what answers he was looking for contributed to that. 

On the third day, Marlene and Dorcas came over. 

James thought it was nice to see them, though he didn’t quite recall Dorcas much– he had seen her around, and heard about her from Marlene but he didn’t have a connection with her seven years ago. And he wondered what sort of one he did have with her now still, as the dark skinned girl said a pleasant hello and checked in on him, but she disappeared with Regulus rather shortly after, they had been friends before. 

Harry had clung to Marlene, so he stayed with her and James when Dorcas and Regulus went off to the kitchen. And Marlene cried– and hugged him, which all in all was rather odd since Marlene had never been his most affectionate friend. But when he connected that she had witnessed his fall, well who was he to deny her affection now? 

Also on the third day, James learned that Regulus in fact did not have a job. 

He had asked if Regulus was being missed at work in attempts to fire up some kind of conversation with the boy since he hadn’t heard anyone mention what Regulus did for work nor had the other mentioned when he would be going back. 

And when Regulus blushed a bright red, and stated he did not work, and actually was Harry’s full time caregiver– things made much more sense. 

“And you like that? Staying home with Harry?” James asked curiously. 

“I do. Once he starts primary school I might go to work with Monty– but nothing has been decided now obviously, Harry’s not even three yet so it’s still a few years out. There was just never any reason for me to work when we would need childcare for Harry anyways. And well– we don’t struggle for money. Between both of our inheritances plus your Quidditch salary…” Regulus’ voice trailed off in a way James knew indicated they were well off, though it wasn’t exactly a secret. 

“Both of our inheritances? Weren’t you disinherited as well, like Sirius?” James knew they would have been able to survive on his alone as well– but Regulus had strictly mentioned both of theirs, and Regulus didn't have their Uncle Alphard's vaults like Sirius did.

“I was– kind of. Father died shortly after I left, and Mother followed not long after. I was never legally disinherited. So when they were dead, well– the Black vaults were released to me. I think maybe they hoped I would change my mind and come crawling back. Sure I was gay, but at least my boyfriend was a Pureblood so they could of played it off if they truly wanted. I never did go back, or even want to.” Regulus explained, not really showing much emotion in his words– James supposed he had a lot of time to accept it over the years. 

On night three, James just slept. 

The bed felt empty, and he couldn’t help but wonder if the occupant of their guest bedroom would make it feel whole. 

Today, today was day four. 

James had woken up by the sound of Harry squealing from down the hall– followed by the sound of Regulus attempting to shush the young boy but there was only a string of more giggles that followed. And when he got up to investigate, because well, while he was sure he’s had many mornings in the past two and a half years being woken up to the delightful sound of his son’s laughter– he couldn’t recall any. James had found Regulus and Harry in Harry’s bedroom, dressing the young boy into layers of warmer clothes, as on that early February morning, snow fell in London, and well– Harry certainly wasn’t going to miss it. 

Which led James to now. 

After a long (but fun) morning of playing with Harry outside in the snow, even as it barely coated the ground– the young boy was laid down for his midday nap after the small family of three had a simple soup for lunch that Regulus had come in and made for them. 

“Hey James?” Regulus’ voice carried into the sitting room, where James was flipping aimlessly through the pages of a book– unable to concentrate on the words but also not wanting to busy himself with much else.

“Yes?” James found himself turning to look at the other as he entered the room. 

“Are you alright if I go out for an hour? Harry should still be asleep the whole time– he usually will take about a two hour nap and I’ll be back before then.” The younger boy asked as James’ took in his appearance. Regulus didn’t look bad– he never looked bad though James had come to realise. But he did look a bit unsettled perhaps? 

“Uh yeah sure of course, where– uh where are you going?” James found himself sheepishly asking, knowing Regulus didn’t owe him an explanation as to where he goes but he was curious anyway. 

“I’m going to go to your parents. I just need to talk to Effie about a few things.” Regulus spoke swiftly, “I’ll be back before Harry is up though, and if he does wake up early you can firecall and I’ll come straight back–” 

“Regulus, I can handle it if Harry wakes up early.” James cut in, assurance clear in his voice, that hadn’t been his reason for questioning where Regulus was going. James felt rather confident in his ability to take care of Harry alone, at least for short periods of time. “Is everything okay?” He found himself asking almost immediately after. 

James knew Regulus must have had a recent relationship with his parents, they were married and from what he had been told Regulus had lived with them during the end of his seventh year. But he hadn’t truly anticipated Regulus being close with them, not close in a way that he was going to his mum while feeling unsettled at least.

“Yeah yeah, everything’s fine. I just need to talk to her about a few things, no big deal.” Regulus forced a smile as he spoke– James didn’t know how he knew that, but he did. “You’re sure it’s alright? I don’t want to overwhelm you with Harry.” 

James had known that without Regulus telling him. Regulus had taken care of any issues that came up with Harry– never letting James get overwhelmed with caring for him. And James knew it came from a good place, but he would like a bit more responsibility and trust when it came to caring for the boy, to caring for his son. 

Their son. 

“It’s fine Reg, really. You can go, I got things covered here.” James flashed a smile in assurance, watching Regulus accept the answer with a small nod. Harry was blissfully easy to care for really, sure he had his moments as any child would, but James knew Harry was very well behaved for his age. 

“Okay, okay.” Regulus nodded in agreement, “I’ll be back. Don’t hesitate to firecall if you need anything. I’ll be back.” Regulus assured again before he was gone. 

So on day four, when left alone in a quiet house– that didn’t quite feel like home. While his toddler slept and his mystery of a husband left, James Potter tried to piece together the missing fragments of his life. 

And failed. 

– 

“The second he gets his memories back, I’m telling him I want a divorce.” Regulus grumbled and clenched the pillow to his chest tighter as he laid in Effie and Monty’s bed while Effie stroked his hair gently with a listening hum. 

Regulus had interrupted her cleaning when he arrived just minutes ago. 

“Will you now, dear?” Effie asked attentively, and not at all like she believed him. 

“I will. And I’m keeping the house. He can come live with you again.” Regulus added with certainty, turning his head to peak up at the woman who wore a fond smile on her lips as she just nodded to his words. 

“I suppose I could prepare his room if you’d like.”

“You don’t believe me.” Regulus pointed out, huffing as he turned back to stare at the ceiling and hold onto the pillow in his grip like a lifeline. 

Why didn’t Effie believe him? 

He meant it. 

He did. 

“I believe you’re angry right now and maybe it’s all just a bit too frustrating to handle.” Effie spoke calmly, still quietly running her fingers through Regulus’ hair as he still remained leaned against the woman. 

“I’m telling you I’m going to divorce your son and you’re not even going to try and stop me?” Regulus asked pointedly. 

“Well you are an adult yourself Regulus, if you wanted to divorce him that would be your own choice. Though I think we both know that is not what you want.” 

“It could be.”

“Alright yes, it could be.” 

Regulus fell silent for a few moments, he sometimes hated how calm Effie was about things– and the way she never played favourites. Of course James was her son, she loved and raised him from the very second he was born. Her miracle child, and she did raise him to be a good man. 

But Effie thought of Sirius and Regulus as her own as well. And she never hesitated to call any of them out on their shit. Nor did she hesitate to hold them when they needed her, or offer advice if they wanted it. 

Euphemia Potter was perhaps the greatest woman to ever walk the Earth– and Regulus adored her. 

Even if she didn’t believe him. 

He meant it. 

“I’m keeping Harry as well.” He added, and he felt the shake of the woman’s chest as she let out a soft laugh. 

“And what will you be telling Harry about all of this?” She inquired. 

“No, we won't tell him. James will have to come over every morning before Harry wakes up and be there til he goes to bed. Then he can leave. We’ll tell Harry when he’s older, maybe when he starts Hogwarts, then it won’t be so bad.” Regulus concluded, because that made sense, to him it did anyways. 

“Oh oh, alright. And is there a reason you’re waiting until after James to get his memories back or?” Effie asked, amusement clear in her voice– she still didn’t believe him. 

“So it hurts him and he can beg for me back.” Regulus stated in a matter-of-a-fact tone. 

“And would you want him to beg for you back?” 

“Yes.” 

“Oh Regulus,” Effie hummed, placing a kiss on top of his head. “Alright, I believe you alright.” – She didn’t. 

“It’s not fair.” Regulus mumbled after a few moments of silence, squeezing the pillow tighter and hiding his face in the fabric. 

He didn’t mean it.

“I know it's not fair. You’re right, it isn’t fair at all.” Effie whispered back.

“I miss him so much–” Regulus was crying now, not much but a few tears fell down his cheeks before he could even think of stopping them. “I miss him and he’s right there Effie, every day he’s there but he’s not there. And it’s not fair, it’s not fair that he doesn’t remember and can be fine but I have to remember everything and drown in it all alone.”

“You’re not alone, oh love you aren’t. It’s not fair, not even in the slightest but Regulus you don’t have to go it alone. We’re all here. Me and Monty, Sirius, Remus, Peter should be back soon yeah? What about Evan and Barty? Have you spoken with them?” Effie spoke so softly to him, in assurance in her voice that only a mother could give. 

“We’ve talked a bit– they aren’t due back for another month though. It’s their honeymoon– they spent months talking about all the travelling they were going to do, I can’t just call and ask them to come back because I’m sad my husband doesn’t remember me.” Regulus mumbled with a slight sniffle– because his friends had offered. Evan and Barty were more than willing to drop the rest of their trip and come back for Regulus. 

“You still have the rest of us dear– all of us. You aren’t alone.” Effie assured again. “And Regulus, I’m sure you have James too. He may not remember, but he wouldn’t ever want you to bear this alone. You can talk to him, he’d help, or at least try his best to.” 

“What would I even say to him? It’s not as if telling him that him looking at me is driving me absolutely crazy. Because it is– he just, ugh.” He huffed, groaning through the tears. “He just looks at me sometimes like he knows me Effie. And he doesn’t– not really he doesn’t know me. But sometimes I think he might. Times where it’s like he sees me, like he used to, like I’m his husband. Just times where I’m so sure that he’s back, and he never bloody is. And he’s good with Harry– and truly how is that fair? He can’t look like my husband, act like my husband, and not be!” 

“But he is Regulus, he is your husband. Memories or not. He’s your husband and you love him.” 

“Of course I love him, that’s the problem. Effie it hurts– it hurts so much. I love him and I love him so much it’s like it’s going to kill me. What if it kills me? What if I can’t survive this? I don’t– I don’t know how to live without him.” Regulus was crying more steadily now, heavy breaths as his hands moved from the pillow he once held tightly to fiercely wipe the tears off his cheeks as they fell, but it was no use. They kept falling anyway. 

“You won’t have to live without him Regulus– oh love, you won’t.” Effie wrapped her arms tighter around him, and he let his head fall onto her shoulder with a small broken sob. 

Regulus could vaguely hear her assuring him over and over and over again that he won’t have to live without James, but all he did was cry. 

He felt as if he already had to live without him. 

They had barely spoken, not really, nothing of substance or true importance. The most Regulus had gotten was the fact James wanted to be there for Harry and him. And he was clinging to that for dear life, hoping James still meant it, hoping it would be enough. 

And he had to just be okay, he had to smile and engage as much as James allowed, he had to pretend he was fine. Regulus had to be okay, because Harry couldn’t know he wasn’t. 

Harry had to be clueless, he needed to believe his parents were the same as they always had been– he needed normalcy. And Regulus had to give it to him. 

That’s what a parent does isn’t it? 

“I–” Regulus tried to speak, but a hiccup cut him off– a truly horrible quality, anytime he cried too much he became a stuttering, hiccuping mess. “I just–” hiccup, “miss him–” hiccup, “and we aren’t even–” hiccup, “talking.” hiccup. 

“Well darling, don’t you think that’s where you should start?” Effie questioned gently, a soft hand pushing some of his hair back as he hiccuped though his tears. 

Yeah, maybe that’s where he should start. 

–

Regulus had planned to talk to James. 

He had. 

He had planned it all in his head. They would put Harry to bed, and then he would ask James to come have a cuppa with him. And then he would talk. 

He would talk and tell James the truth, tell James what he had been feeling. And then he could ask James about how he was feeling, ask about how they should navigate this all going forward. Because Regulus needed to know, he needed to know what came next– because simply coexisting together wasn’t working for him. 

Regulus had planned to do it. 

But then Harry was fussy, and it took over an hour to get him to even lay in his bed for bedtime– and almost another just for Regulus to be able to coax him to sleep with soft whispers and assurances, while James had to rub his back.

An odd occurrence for the toddler, but he was still just two and a half years old, not every night could go smoothly. 

Though in the chaos of it all, Regulus and James somehow ended up in their respective rooms before Regulus even remembered he wanted to talk, truly talk. And he cursed himself for letting it slip his mind and having to sleep another night in uncertainty– which had been hell for days. 

Regulus had tossed and turned in the lonely guest bedroom for what felt like hours before he finally fell asleep. Though he never slept well without James there with him. So when there was the tiny patter of feet in the hallway, before creeping into the open door of the guest room– Regulus had kept the door open so he could ensure hearing Harry in mornings before the toddler could wonder out of his bedroom in hopes of his son never finding out he and James weren’t in their shared room together, Regulus was half awake as Harry made his way to the bedside. 

“Papa?” Harry’s small voice was unsure in the darkness of the bedroom. 

“What is it Harry? What’s wrong?” Regulus spoke quietly into the air, sitting up slightly as his eyes adjusted to better make out the toddler. 

Harry stood there, Froggy tucked under his arm with tear stained cheeks, bright green eyes, a tousled mess of hair, and a quivering bottom lip– threatening sobs. 

“Oh mon amour–” Regulus sighed when Harry didn’t answer but just simply looked to Regulus for comfort, the father sitting up completely to reach the short distance and pick Harry up. The young boy clinging to Regulus’ body as soft cries escaped his lips. 

“Harry– hey, qu’est qui ne va pas ?” Regulus whispered quietly to his son, holding him tightly to his chest and rocking him ever so slightly as Harry cried into his arms. 

And for a few moments Regulus just let him, not quite understanding but not forcing an answer when Harry was so clearly distressed. So Regulus just offered comfort, placing kisses to the top of his head, and mumbling quiet assurances. 

“I had–” Harry sniffled through his cries, “I had a bad film in my sleep Papa.” The young boy spoke in english, as he often would in distress, and Regulus felt a pang in his chest at the words. 

“Oh Harry–” He whispered to his son, kissing atop his head again before moving to wipe some of the tears off of his son's red cheeks. “It’s alright, I’m here now. It was just a dream. You’re okay.” Regulus assured quietly, but let Harry cling to him as much as he needed to. 

“Can I sleep with you Papa?” Harry asked after a few moments, sniffling as he looked up to Regulus– who nodded because how was he to deny him such a thing? 

“Yeah come on, let's get you back to sleep.” Regulus mumbled, patting the spot on the inside of the bed for Harry to go to as Regulus adjusted the blankets and they both laid down together. Harry shuffled as close as he could to his Papa’s chest, Froggy tucked between them. 

“Papa?” Harry asked quietly after a few moments of silence. 

“Oui?” Regulus mumbled with closed eyes, his hand on Harry’s back and rubbing slow circles in attempts to calm the boy enough to sleep again. 

“Pourquoi tu ne dors pas avec Da ?”  Harry whispered quietly, and Regulus sucked in a breath– having hoped Harry just wouldn’t have noticed the absence of James, though he supposed that was wishful thinking. Harry had surely been on his way to their shared bedroom when he noticed the open door of the guest room and discovered Regulus.

“Depuis son accident, c’est plus facile pour lui de dormir tout seul.” Regulus whispered to his son after a moment of consideration as to what he was supposed to say. It wasn't technically a lie.

"Es-tu en colère contre Da ?" 

“Non Harry, Je ne suis pas en colère avec Da. Ne t’inquiète pas tout va bien.”

“Je pense que tu devrais dormir avec Da maintenant Papa- Parce qu’il est peut-être triste ou il se sent seul.” Harry mumbled, his voice growing more tired. And his words simply shattered any piece of Regulus’ heart that may have been surviving. 

Regulus didn’t answer, and Harry didn’t inquire again on the topic. A silence settled between the two as Regulus just tried to find it in him to fall asleep again, but his mind was facing now. 

“Je t'aime Papa.” Harry whispered moments later, followed almost immediately by the sound of even breathing, the young boy had fallen asleep again. 

“Je t'aime aussi Harry.” Regulus whispered back anyways, squeezing his eyes tight to prevent the tears that threatened to spill out. 

And Regulus knew then, that he had to talk to James the next morning– he couldn’t put it off any longer, not knowing Harry’s curiosity would have peaked due to his fathers sleeping in separate rooms. 

Regulus had to talk to James. 

Really talk to James. 

And he had absolutely no idea what he was going to do. 

Chapter Text

“Regulus, hey Reg?” 

Regulus found himself letting out a groan and attempting to nuzzle his head back into the warmth pressed up against his chest, fighting the sensation of waking up. 

“Reg–” 

“James Potter if you don’t shut up–” 

“You told me you wanted to go to my healers appointment with me.” The voice of his husband sounded a bit defeated and breathlessly flowing from his lips. 

Healers appointment? Why would they be going to the healers–

Oh. 

Realisation set over Regulus rapidly, the warmth against his chest wasn’t James– it was Harry from where he came and climbed into bed with Regulus after a night terror. Regulus hadn’t fallen asleep with James last night. 

Because James didn’t remember him. 

A crushing reality that he wasn’t ready to wake up to, even as he brought his hand that had rested over Harry to his face, rubbing his eyes as he turned slightly onto his back to get a look at James who stood sheepishly at his bedside. 

“What time is it?” Regulus asked quietly, sleep thick in his voice as his eyes focused on James through the bright morning light. 

“Almost half past nine now, we have to be at St.Mungos at ten thirty and when you weren’t up I thought I’d come find you.” James was flushed in the cheeks as he struggled to meet Regulus’ eye, who let out a sigh as he nodded along. 

“Yes yes– fuck yeah. Sorry I don’t usually sleep in much, I’m still going with you. Thanks for waking me,” Regulus mumbled sleepily, half tempted to lay back down and snuggle Harry til the toddler demanded they get up. But instead he sat up, careful not to move Harry too much as he was still sleeping soundly with Froggy clenched to his chest, mouth agape in a way Regulus would find absolutely disgusting had it not been his son. 

Regulus brought his knees to his chest as his hands rubbed over his face, still trying to fully wake up before he dropped his head to look at James, who still stood just a metre away curiously watching Regulus. 

“Everything okay?” Regulus questioned quietly, recognising the look on James’ face for when he wanted to ask something but didn’t quite know how. 

It’s the same look he gave Regulus the day he asked him about starting a family. 

“Yes– I– Uh– Yes.” James stumbled, before his eyebrows furrowed and he shook his head slightly, “is Harry alright?” James asked after a second, his hand loosely motioning over to their sleeping son at Regulus’ other side. 

Regulus, despite knowing exactly where Harry was, found himself turning to look at the young boy again as if on instinct.

“Yeah, he’s alright.” Regulus confirmed at first with a soft nod looking back to James and gave a slight shrug of his shoulders. “He had a night terror last night, I think he planned to go to our room but noticed the door here was open and came in instead. Probably why we slept so late– he took a little bit to calm down and go to sleep.” Regulus explained, still in a quiet voice as he watched James process his words. 

“Oh, okay.” James stated with a nod, but still didn’t make any motion to leave the room, leaving Regulus a bit confused but he just watched him anyway. 

Regulus didn’t have it in him to send James away, how could he? He wanted nothing more than to always be around his husband. He wanted, no, needed to be close. It was etched into him, to crave James Potter in close proximity. 

“Are you alright James?” Regulus asked after a few moments of silence passed between them, breaking James' trance as he had simply been looking at Regulus and Harry– perhaps mainly Harry, he couldn’t really tell. 

“Oh me? Yeah yeah I’m alright, fine, dandy–” 

“James.” Regulus couldn’t help but slightly grin as he looked at his husband who blushed so fiercely his brown cheeks were a crisp red. “I know something is bothering you, what is it?” Regulus questioned. 

“How do you know?” James questioned with a raised eyebrow– as if Regulus knowing should have been impossible, though James’ wore all of his emotions on his face. 

“Uh well– for starters I’ve been married to you for two years and lived with you even longer than that so I have gotten quite good at being able to tell when something is wrong. And you’ve also been standing here for the last five minutes not saying anything.” Regulus pointed out, causing the blush on James' cheeks to increase. 

“I guess those are pretty good reasons, yeah.” James admitted with a nod before scrunching his nose slightly and shaking his head before finally letting himself meet Regulus’ eye, and visibly released a breath as if it brought his world back into focus. 

“So–” Regulus prompted James to continue, a soft smile as if showing him it was alright to continue. 

“I’m really nervous about the appointment today.” James’ voice was quiet, and almost embarrassed as he slightly rocked back and forth on the heels of his feet.

Regulus understood this. He was nervous too, though in perhaps a more selfish way. Regulus wanted the healers to just rattle off a solution and help them get on with their lives. He wanted James back as his, to love and hold– he wanted Harry to have his father back and for their lives to be as it was. 

Regulus wanted James to be James again, whole and not of missing parts. 

Not that he didn’t love James now, he was quite certain he would love James Potter regardless of anything. Even James without his memories, even as he didn’t truly get to know any of the real details of their life together– Regulus loved him. 

“I know you are but it’ll be fine. They said that these things can take time and you’re otherwise healthy.” Regulus knew that was the most important thing, James was healthy– his leg had healed, the bruising had almost completely faded with the help of potions and creams. His husband was otherwise perfectly fine. 

“You’ll be there the whole time right? You won’t– you won’t leave will you? I don’t think I can go in alone.” James admitted sheepishly as he looked at Regulus with hopeful eyes. 

“I’ll be there the whole time James, I promise.” Regulus assured gently, offering a small smile to hopefully show the sincerity in his words. And even through the simplicity of his answer, Regulus could see James visibly relax. 

“Okay, okay good.” James nodded, offering a smile in return to Regulus’. “I’ll just–” James began walking backwards, stumbling slightly as he pointed to the door, “see you in a bit.” 

Regulus didn’t know if it was juvenile, to watch James the entire time he stumbled out of the door with a smile on his lips. He felt as if it may be, juvenile that is. But there was something about seeing James like that, nervous and wanting him that made Regulus feel seventeen again. 

He had been so in love at seventeen. 

He was still so in love now at twenty-two. 

“Gods.” Regulus breathed out to himself, bringing his hands to his warm cheeks and breathed in a deep breath. And for a few moments, he felt warm and fuzzy inside thinking about his husband, just letting himself before finally rolling out of bed. 

He was quiet as he decided to get dressed, trying to ensure that Harry stayed asleep until he was finished and Regulus could take him to his own room to get dressed for the day. 

It didn’t take Regulus long, just putting on a pair of black trousers and a random navy t-shirt that was lying around. He didn’t need to look for a particular way to go to St. Mungos for James’ appointment. Simple but comfortable was sort of Regulus’ thing now-a-days anyway, it had to be when he spent most of his time chasing a toddler around. 

“Harry,” Regulus found himself whispering as he leaned over the edge of the bed, a hand coming to stroke his son’s cheek lightly as his elbows rested on the mattress. 

And Harry, who had been sleeping soundly, scrunched up before his eyes ever opened. His small legs curled up closer to his body as his eyebrows furrowed and his lips came back together from where they had parted in his sleep. “Non Papa.” The young boy mumbled, almost inaudibly as he clung to Froggy tighter. 

“C’est l’heure de se lever, mon amour.”  Regulus whispered quietly to the young boy, hand still gently rubbing across his cheek in a soothing manner. And after a few moments as silence passed between them, Harry slowly opened his eyes, blinking rapidly a few times before squinted green eyes finally settled on his father. 

“Bonjour mon amour,” Regulus spoke to the boy with a smile, always finding Harry to be absolutely precious first thing in the morning when he was waking up. 

“Bonjour Papa.” Harry mumbled back, now taking the time to stretch his limbs from sleep and looking around the room as he did– clearly not remembering immediately that he had fallen asleep with Regulus last night. 

“Qu’est-ce que tu penses d’aller t’habiller pour déjeuner ?”  Regulus told the boy, placing a kiss to his cheek before standing up straighter and opening his arms up for Harry, who reached into them and let Regulus pull him up and into his arms to be carried to his bedroom. 

Regulus silently wondered when the day would come that Harry didn’t want to be carried around anymore. 

It didn’t take Regulus long to get Harry’s clothes out for the day and get him changed after going to the bathroom. It wasn’t as if Harry was arguing much over his choice of clothing– happily stepping into his pants and nearly sticking his arm through the head hole of his t-shirt. 

“Où est Da ?”  Harry eventually asked curiously as Regulus attempted to brush some of his son’s hair out of his face from its bedhead state. 

“Dans la cuisine ou peut-être le salon.” Regulus told him simply, since he didn’t quite know where James was but knew he was around– it was ten o’clock now and they only had a bit of time left to get Harry fed and dropped off at Effie and Monty’s (a detail the young boy had yet to discover about his day). 

And Harry was thankfully rather satisfied with Regulus’ answer and bobbed his head in a nod before they made their way out of Harry’s bedroom and to the kitchen– Harry walking himself now, tiny sock covered feet paddling down the hallway. 

“Da!” Harry cheered, running straight to James who was drinking a glass of water and standing at the kitchen island. 

“Harry!” James matched the same enthusiasm as the toddler before setting his glass down and picking up the beaming toddler. “Did you sleep well?” James asked Harry with a smile as Regulus rounded his way around the island and to the cabinets to pull out a bowl for Harry, deciding that porridge would be a good and quick breakfast for the toddler. 

“I slept with Papa!” Harry beamed, body surging up a bit in his enthusiasm as his small fingers began to pick at the fabric of James’ t-shirt. “Why you no sleep with Papa Da?” 

Regulus found himself pausing as he poured the instant porridge into the bowl for his son, turning his head back to see James frozen in his place, head turning to look at Regulus. 

Ahh yes. The push of the reminder. Regulus needed to talk to James today, no more allowance for ignoring it and living around one another. 

“Harry, why don’t you go get your shoes and bring them to Da to help you put them on?” Regulus, knowing he couldn’t very well explain this all to James now, decided the best option would just be to distract the toddler and hope he accepts. 

And being only two and a half, Harry did– wiggling his way down from James’ arms and running off to the entryway to retrieve his shoes.

“I’m sorry! I didn’t know what to say, I know we haven’t told him–” James immediately began pouring out an apology as Harry disappeared from ear shot, turning to get a better look at Regulus who just shook his head in dismissal. 

“It’s not–” He sighed, “It’s not your fault. We’ll talk about this later alright? For how we just got to get him breakfast and dropped off at your parents.” Regulus settled on as he placed the bowl into the microwave for Harry just in time for him to come back to the room– waving his shoes at James as he went to the table to climb up into his seat. 

“Help Da!” Harry cheered, waving the shoes at James again– who finally let himself look away from Regulus and turned to do just that. 

“Coming Haz.” 

Breakfast didn’t take long, Harry ate happily and hardly looked up from his bowl as Regulus decided on just having a banana for breakfast, not sure he could stomach much else with the nerves of James’ impending appointment and the talk they would need to have afterwards. 

And at ten twenty, Regulus was closing the dishwasher from where he just placed Harry’s empty bowl inside, with ten minutes to spare until they needed to be at St.Mungos (thank Merlin for floo travel). 

“Alright Haz, time to go play at Nan and Pops for a little while so me and Da can go to his healer appointment okay?” Regulus told his son as he and James moved to put on their own shoes and help Harry into his coat.

“Non!” Harry screeched, running to cling to James’ leg at the prospect. 

“Harry,” Regulus sighed, tilting his head back for a moment before looking at the toddler. “You have to go to Nan and Pops, just for a little bit, okay?” 

“No! Da no!” Harry was on the verge of tears now, looking up to James who Regulus could see was struggling with this. 

“Harry…” James' voice trailed off quietly and full of sympathy. 

“No!” 

“Okay Harry no hey,” Regulus sighed, crossing the short distance between them to kneel down onto Harry’s level, looking at his son with soft eyes. “Stop, come here.” Regulus told the young boy quietly, who moved to hide behind James’ leg. 

“Non Papa! Non Merci non!” Harry shook his head rapidly, tears welling in his eyes that made Regulus feel immensely guilty for allowing this to become such a reaction. 

“Harry, s’il te plaît– viens ici.” Regulus tried again, though was only met with sobs. 

“Hey now, it’s alright, come on let’s talk to Papa.” James, who despite the guilty expression on his face that Regulus was sure matched his own, guided the young boy in front of him before kneeling down to the same level. Harry now stood between his fathers with flushed red cheeks as tears fell down his eyes and his arms crossed over himself. 

“Mon amour,” Regulus tried gently, but only received a shake of the head back from the toddler who had a pout clear on his lips. 

“Non Papa, Anglais.” 

“Tu veux parler en anglais ?”  Regulus asked for confirmation, and watched as Harry bobbed his head up and down. “Okay we can talk in English baby, but we have to take you to Nan and Pops now so can you please tell me and Da what’s wrong?” Regulus proceeded, even if he could already mostly tell what was wrong. 

“No! No Nan and Pops! Please, don’t want to sleep there more Papa please!” Harry’s voice whined loudly as he bounced his small body with every word.

“Harry, you don’t have to sleep at Nan and Pops. Just go play for a little bit and then me and Papa will come get you and bring you back home.” James stepped in to offer the assurance the toddler needed, but still didn’t accept. 

“I come with you Da!” Harry insisted, leaning his small frame onto James– and if they weren’t so crunched for time Regulus would have just simply allowed himself to enjoy the sight. 

“Harry, you can’t come–” Regulus paused when Harry started crying even more, “Hey baby no, none of that. Listen to me, it’s okay.” Regulus tried to sooth the boy as James rubbed circles onto his back. 

“It’s only for a little bit Haz, just to play with Nan and Pops and then me and Da will come and get you, maybe we can all have dinner with Nan and Pops before bed? Would you like that?” Regulus watched the confusion on his son’s face with a heavy heart. 

Harry was clearly stressed, and Regulus couldn’t blame him. He heard that he had to go to Effie and Monty’s and James back to a Healer’s appointment. And even at only two and a half– Harry knew he didn’t like staying away from his parents, and he knew that last time he was taken there and James was at St. Mungos he didn’t see his parents for days. It wasn’t as if his reaction was unwarranted. 

“You come with Da?” Harry asked quietly, looking at Regulus through wet eyelashes. 

“Yes Harry, we’ll both come together.” James took it upon himself to assure, which Regulus was grateful for. 

“Okay,” Harry nodded, sniffling slightly as he brought his hands to rub his eyes, “I go play with Nan and Pops.” He nodded in confirmation. 

James placed a kiss onto Harry’s temple, before allowing the boy to turn in his arms and pick him up before heading to the floo network. And Regulus followed closely behind, just simply wondering how the hell he is ever meant to survive this day. 

– 

James stopped listening to Healer Davis about fifteen minutes ago. 

After the initial, “we don’t know how to restore your memories,” James zoned out. 

He thought this meeting was rather useless past that, if they couldn’t help him why was he here? And if they were such good healers, why couldn’t they help him? 

James wanted to remember, he wanted to understand his life. And they are his healers, they should help him. What is the use otherwise? 

He heard bits and pieces here and there, but Regulus was doing most of the talking. There was damage to his hippocampus from taking the bludger to the head, and they had expected him to have already regained his memories within the first forty-eight hours of waking up. 

He hadn’t. 

They also had suspected being back home and in a familiar place would have helped, with his family. James wished this had worked, a part of him had been hoping that seeing Harry would have just been enough to make his memories rush back. 

But regardless of his hopes, that wasn’t the case. He had seen Harry and he had felt something. It was clear to him that he loved Harry, he knew that for certain. James couldn’t pinpoint exactly when he had first felt love for Harry, though he imagined it was rather immediate upon seeing him the first time, perhaps even before he was born. But for James now, it just sort of felt like it was always there, always deep inside of him. 

It wasn’t quite like what he felt for Regulus, that was something entirely different. Perhaps because James could pinpoint moments with Regulus before his memories were gone. 

It was a tug inside of him, like an invisible string pulling James directly to Regulus. He didn’t quite realise at first, what it was, why it was. But it didn’t take long for him to discover that he was always searching for Regulus in every room he entered, and that he ached to be closer when they were apart. 

Sometimes he thinks maybe it would be okay if he didn’t remember, that he could learn to accept his life as it is even with the missing blanks. But then he looks at Regulus and finds those thoughts slipping– maybe he would be okay, but he wouldn’t– no couldn’t, be whole without them. 

James doubts that he could ever find peace again in life without knowing what it was to fall in love with Regulus Black. 

“James,” The sound of his name broke his thoughts, tipping his head up in his seat to see Regulus standing, head nodding towards the door, “let's go home.” 

James followed Regulus wordlessly out of the room after a weak smile and waved to Healer Davis who forced once back. But his main focus was on Regulus, who was clearly upset and annoyed by whatever bits of the conversation that James had missed out on listening to. 

“Wait– what about Harry?” James asked as Regulus had begun to speak their home address into the floo network once he stepped inside instead of his parents. 

“We’ll go get him in a bit, we need to talk at home for a bit yeah?” Regulus didn’t leave James much room to question him before disappearing into the flames. 

Talk? 

Oh James didn’t like that– Regulus can’t just drop that on him and then disappear. 

What were they to talk about? Is Regulus mad at him? He didn’t mean to zone out the whole appointment, he just couldn’t help it. Surely Regulus knew that, they were married after all, and James was certain no amount of time could make him better at listening to things he finds pointless. 

“Oh Merlin.” James mumbled to himself before stepping through the floo network himself with a handful of floo powder and calling out the address to get home to whatever conversation Regulus had planned. 

James stepped into their home not long after Regulus had, which was notable by the way Regulus was still standing in the entryway kicking off his shoes. 

“Hey,” Regulus breathed out, standing up straight on now only sock covered feet to look at James. 

James liked when Regulus looked at him. 

“Hi,” 

Hi? 

Seriously James? You’re bloody ridiculous for that. 

“Cuppa?” Regulus asked, and James could only let himself nod in response as the younger boy turned to make his way into the kitchen. 

James was nervous, extraordinary so as he moved to take his own shoes off and shrug his own coat off to place on the rack next to Regulus’, right where it belonged. 

“Come on James, no need to overthink this.” He whispered mainly to himself with a shake of his head, as if the action could clear his mind from all overbearing thoughts before turning on his heels to make his way into the kitchen where Regulus stood with two mugs preparing tea. 

“You need to eat something you know,” James felt himself point out before he could stop himself, causing Regulus to glance up to him with a confused look across his face. 

“I ate when I gave Harry breakfast.” The dark haired boy shrugged his shoulders, eyes falling back down to his task at hand. 

“A singular banana isn’t a meal Reg, you need to eat something.” James didn’t quite know why he had noticed so closely that Regulus hadn’t eaten much– but he knew he didn’t like it. It was nearing midday now, Regulus needed something proper to eat. 

“I’m not hungry–” 

“Regulus.” 

“James really– I don’t think I could eat right now, after we talk alright? I promise, I’ll make us both something for lunch before we go get Harry and have dinner tonight at your parents.” Regulus seemed nervous, which caused James to frown. 

“I’m not saying anything so you’ll cook for us both– I just want you to eat.” James tried to explain as he took a seat at the kitchen island, elbows resting on the countertops. 

And James watched Regulus closely as he let out a sigh, and looked back up towards James with gentle green eyes, dark green. Not quite like Harry’s which were the same vibrant soft green of summer grass like Lily’s, no. Regulus’ eyes were a dark green, yet somehow soft– like looking to the bottom of the sea on a gloomy day, they dared to pull you in, make you get lost in the waves and drown for eternity just hoping to get another glance.

James would happily drown for another glance. 

“I know James,” Regulus assured quietly before turning to grab the kettle that was going off to pour into the mugs and let the tea steep. “We just need to talk first.” 

“And uh– what– what do we uh– what do we need to talk about?” James sat up straighter as he forced his way through the words, hand coming to push his glasses further up on his face and breathe through his nerves. 

“Uh well–” Regulus started as he began to round the island, sliding James’ cup of tea as he took a seat at one of the bar stools on the other side of James, both of them turning their bodies to face one another. “Harry and uh, well– us. We need to talk about us.” 

“Us?” James said the small two letter word with curiosity really, testing it out, seeing how it sounded– how it made sense. “What about us?” He questioned. 

He supposed it made sense, to talk about it, about them together. They hadn’t really properly done that yet, they’ve only been dancing around the topic. But James truly didn’t know what to say about it, about them together.

“Uh– fuck.” Regulus sputtered, bringing his hands to his face in almost a childlike attempt to hide behind them. 

He was uncomfortable, even James could work that out for himself. And he knew he didn’t like it, seeing Regulus this way, not because of him. 

“We’ve been together for years James.” Regulus started, dropping his hands down to his lap and allowed himself to actually look at James, which was more calming for the older boy than Regulus looking away had been. “I mean we live together, we’re married– we have a baby. So there was no–” Regulus' hands motioned to the air around them as if it would clue James in on what he meant, “no this.” 

“And this is?” James asked quietly, because he understood only in part– how things were so different now, from being married and raising a child together to what they are doing now, existing as not strangers both in different phases of life. Each existing in a time where the other was someone else to them. 

“Not talking and doing things together, sleeping in separate rooms or just any of it– and I know okay, I know things are different now. I mean for you, I’m this whole other version of myself, and trust me, I know at fifteen I was a prick, but I’m not fifteen anymore you know? And I don’t– Gods James, Harry may be young but he’s picking up on things now, I mean he got into bed with me last night and basically scolded me for not sleeping with you because ‘what if Da is lonely?’ – I mean come on, he's two. And–” Regulus was rushing through his words now, his hands moving in gestures (something James has noticed that Regulus does when nervous). 

“Regulus– hey, breathe hey.” James found himself soothing the younger boy without even knowing how, hands reaching out to take Regulus’ hands in his own, as if slowing the motion of them could perhaps slow his mind. Wild green eyes looking to meet brown, as a blush took over his pale cheeks. 

“Sorry.” 

“No no, just– Regulus I don’t think about you like you’re fifteen still, I know you’re different, I know things have changed. Merlin Reg, I see it every day. I know.” James didn’t quite know what to say, but he wanted Regulus to know that much. 

Because it was true. 

While yes, occasionally he would find himself thinking of the young boy he saw in the corridors and avoided avidly for his best friend's sake, more often than not James saw this Regulus. The Regulus that James often saw was a gentle father, a caregiver– someone soft, who builds train tracks on the floor and makes soup because “it makes me feel warm inside”, someone who wears patterned socks (right now they were pink with little hearts all over them), or has a favourite couch blanket.

James didn’t see what Regulus thought he did, not even in the slightest. 

“I don’t know how to do this James.” Regulus whispered quietly, letting their hands– still held together rest in James lap as their knees brushed against each other. 

“I don’t either, but I’m still right here. I meant it when I said I want to be here for you too Regulus. I know you think it’s just for Harry but it’s not. I want to remember, I want to remember you– and until I do I want to be around you.” James was assuring gently, because he did– oh Merlin he did. 

“But you don’t know me James–” Regulus went to stress his words, body leaning forward slightly as he did, his hands twitching in James’ from where he would surely be talking with his elaborate gestures again had James let go. 

“Then let me know you Regulus.” James breathed before the other could continue, and he watched the words die on Regulus’ parted lips. 

They looked soft.

James wondered what kissing them would be like. 

“Let me know you, let me understand. I want to understand Regulus. I married you for a reason didn’t I? Clearly I like who you are, all of it. So let me know you again, if I can’t remember– let me learn again.” James pleaded quietly, watching Regulus’ eyes bounce around his face, searching for a sign of hesitation, a sign that he didn’t mean it. 

James meant it. 

“I want you to remember.” Regulus confessed quietly into the air between them, his words trapped between them. 

“I want to remember too,” James spoke with a small frown, didn’t Regulus know that? It wasn’t as if he was just okay with all the missing parts of his life– he wanted to remember it all, seven years of his life. 

He wanted to remember causing trouble with Sirius, Remus, and Peter. 

He wanted to remember falling for Regulus Black. 

He wanted to remember the moment they decided to have a family. 

And when Regulus proposed to him (he was still in awe of that detail). 

And Harry being born. 

Their wedding. 

His son’s first word, his first steps, the first time he told them he loved them. 

He wanted to remember his life and all that it was, because from what he could already tell– he did a pretty good job in choosing who to spend it with. 

“Oh Merlin. I’m sorry.” Regulus croaked an unconvincing laugh, shaking his head as he leaned back in his seat, pulling his hands from James and bringing them to his face– rubbing rather harshly at his eyes. “I went and made this about me and you’re the one who lost everything. I’m sorry–” 

“Hey what, no.” James was immediately dismissing that idea that Regulus had wrongfully expressed himself. Sure, James had lost his memories– but Regulus lost something too. “You’re allowed to be upset about all of this– for fucksake I’d be rather concerned if you weren’t.” James tried to assure, reaching out gently to pull Regulus’ hands from his face, only to be met with green eyes swimming in a pool of tears. 

“I’m sorry.” The young boy whispered, tilting his head up to the ceiling and blinking rapidly. 

“Regulus you’re allowed to cry.” James whispered gently, recognising the behaviour from how Sirius used to be. James knew they weren’t allowed to cry in Grimmauld Place. 

“No– I, fuck.” Regulus forced a breathless laugh, sniffling slightly before dropping his head back down to look at James, tears still on the brink of falling. “I’ve cried a ridiculous amount the past few days– I can’t.” 

“You can, if you need to. I don’t mind. You can cry whenever you need to.” James told him genuinely, because while he certainly didn’t like the idea of seeing Regulus cry– he hated seeing him force back his emotions even more. 

“I know you don’t James, I know.” Regulus told him with a nod, pulling one of his hands that James still had a hold of, to his face to wipe under his eyes and collect the moisture before it had a chance to fall. “I know I can cry with you.”

It felt personal, those few little words. 

The fact that Regulus knew, because future him– or well, he supposed current him? Oh he didn’t quite know– but Regulus’ James–

Oh wait. 

I like that. 

Regulus’ James. 

Regulus’ James had already told him before that he could cry with him. And at least that version of himself taking care of the much more fragile and handle with care Regulus before him now. 

“I didn’t want to make this about me. I just– we need to figure something out because Harry is picking up on more than I hoped and I really really do not want to have to explain to him that his Da doesn’t remember anything.” Regulus sniffled and gave a nod at his own words in a way that James found oddly adorable. 

“Oh well– if the problem is how we are with one another right now, let's change it.” James suggested it easily, because that was the only solution wasn’t it?

“Change it? James– and how do you suggest we do that?” Regulus tilted his head with a raised eyebrow. 

“We get to know each other.” James shrugged, “or well I guess I get to know you since you already know me. We can like, I don’t know– date or something?” He suggested, yeah that made sense didn’t it? If they were awkwardly co-existing, they should cut out the tension. 

“I’m sorry– date?” Regulus basically choked on the word, wide eyes staring back at James, and he felt his cheeks heat up under the gaze. 

Was he not supposed to say that? 

“I mean…” James’ voice trailed off slightly as he gave another shrug of his shoulders, “we’ve done it before haven’t we? We could date. It would cut out the tension, Harry would see his dads together again. I don’t know, it seems like a pretty obvious solution to me.” 

Regulus was just looking at him now, lips slightly agape in shock as if waiting for James to take it back (he would not be thank you very much). And his glance felt rather intimidating, even if James knew it was mostly curiosity. 

“You want– you want to date me?” Regulus mumbled out, pronouncing each word with a proper English accent, not like his usual mixed French one. 

“I already married you, what could hurt about dating you?” James asked truthfully, it was the only logical thing that made sense in his head. 

“You want to?” 

James was smiling now. Regulus’ shocked expression and the way he subconsciously gripped James’ hand tighter in anticipation of an answer. 

“I want to, yes.” James assured, watching the light take over behind Regulus’ eyes– as if his words had sent a wave of relief to the younger boy. 

James' only regret was not being able to give it to him sooner. 

Things fell rather simply after that. 

The tension, at least part of it, faded away as Regulus moved to take them lunch, and they talked the whole way through it. Mainly about Harry, he was still a safe topic between them, but when James did inquire a bit more about Regulus, the younger boy answered without hesitation. 

And so they ate and talked and laughed. All the way up until it was growing later into the day, and like they promised, went back to James’ parents for Harry and for dinner. The toddler squealed in delight at the sight of his parents, and the smell of his mothers cooking filled the home. 

James knew things weren’t perfect, and he still stumbled over conversations at times while watching curiously at the interaction between his parents and Regulus (this was the first time he had truly seen them all interact and James loved it). But in some ways, a tension was relieved between the young married couple who didn’t quite know exactly what the other needed. They could talk without looking away every five seconds, and they comfortably found their seats next to one another at dinner. 

Yeah, things weren’t perfect. 

But James was willing to bet they could be. 

Chapter Text

“James it does not take twenty minutes to pick out a sodding outfit, let's go,” Regulus echoed down the hallway where the one and only James Potter had quite literally been taking far too long to get ready for them to go out to dinner with– well everyone. 

“I go get Da!” Harry declared, tiny feet paddling past Regulus to the bedroom that James was still held up in. 

It had been a week since they had their conversation in the kitchen and decided to ‘date’. Regulus still had yet to fully wrap his head around the concept of dating his husband, but he certainly wasn’t complaining. 

Things hadn’t drastically changed overnight, but they had gotten better. There was no more immediately going to their respective rooms once Harry was in bed, or forced conversation out of obligation. In fact, Regulus and James found themselves sitting on opposite sides of the sofa talking for hours almost every single night, sharing the same blanket that covered their intertwined legs. 

They didn’t talk about everything, and oftentimes Regulus tried his best not to bring up their relationship and what it was– he felt the expectation may be too much for James to handle. To be forced to hear all about how he was and not be allowed to understand who he is now. Though when James had a question, Regulus was happy to answer– wanting to be as transparent as possible. 

But truly James was mainly curious about Regulus as a person, and a lot of the time just wanted to learn about him– talk to him. Regulus told him everything, even if it was information his husband had previously known (obviously they had been together for years). And James was just happy to learn it at all, no matter how big or small the information was. 

They talked about Harry a lot, obviously. He was a safe topic, one that was easier to navigate. And he was quite literally the biggest part of their lives, no matter what could happen between them– they would always both have Harry. And truly Regulus and James both could talk about their son all day. Harry was fun, playful, and loving. Harry was the light of both of their lives, and even losing his memories– that didn’t change for James. 

“Come Da come! I want Uncle Moony!” Harry shrieked, running out of the room he had entered to get James, who finally was following behind Harry and officially dressed. 

And you see, Regulus wanted to be annoyed that James had taken so long. 

He did, because they were bloody late over an outfit for dinner with their friends. 

But James looked divine. 

How could Regulus be annoyed when all he now wanted to do was drag his husband back to their bedroom for the first time in a long time? 

Perhaps it was because Regulus was completely and utterly touch starved. 

It wasn’t that Regulus wanted to just get into anything physical with James– in fact, he didn’t. He didn’t want to complicate things yet, he didn’t want expectations to rule over them (either of them), and he didn’t want James to want him out of some societal obligation to be physically close with your partner in numerous ways. 

But he and James had been very physical. They were always touching, holding hands under a table, laying on one another on the sofa, cuddling in bed, sneaking kisses whenever they could, and well yeah– they shagged, a lot. 

And Regulus was used to such touches, he was used to James being another part attached to him half the time. And as selfish as it was– he missed it. Being close to James was nice, and their late night talks had become a substitute of some kind, but it wasn’t the same. How could it be? 

Regulus Black was married to James Potter, he knew what it was to be loved by him.  

And he knew right now he wasn’t. 

Loved, that is. Not really.

But when James looked like this– so effortlessly simple with a red, green, and navy block sweater, a pair of light washed denim jeans, and paired with his favourite red converse. Well, how was Regulus ever meant to think straight? 

“Of course you want Moony, I’m coming Haz.” James breathed as he stepped into the living room, and finally looked over at Regulus with and let a smile take over his lips. 

“Hi,” James smiled– he was always smiling at Regulus lately, and Regulus enjoyed seeing it. 

“We’re late,” Regulus mused, having no real care of that reality– he was sure mostly everyone else would also be a few minutes late, not one of them have ever been good with making it anywhere on time. 

“I’m sure they’ll survive a few minutes without us.” James beamed, moving to grab his own coat as they moved to the entryway of the home, Harry standing between them as he attempted to put his own coat on by himself (and was failing). 

And Regulus, who was apparently the only one of the family to be ready on time– leaned down to help Harry, who soon was engulfed in the blue material but would certainly be warm since it was nighttime in February. 

“Go now!” Harry cheered, as he was perhaps the happiest about this little gathering. 

It wasn’t much, just a dinner that everyone had found the time to make. The first in over a month now– and it would be James’ first official trip out since his accident. The first time everyone would be in one singular place, and Regulus was both excited and nervous. 

He had certainly missed everyone (even if he wouldn’t admit such a thing out loud). They were his friends too, since the first time James introduced Regulus as his boyfriend. Their lives had been entangled for years now and each and everyone of them had grown on Regulus, even if he couldn’t handle them all in large quantities often. 

James was the extrovert between them. He was the one rushing off at any given moment, who basically had to be surrounded by people to feel whole. James was just simply social, he would talk to anyone who would listen to him (and even a few who wouldn’t). Merlin, James finds mums and dads to chat with if he’s just taking Harry to play at the park. 

Regulus on the other hand… Regulus’ best friend was quite literally his two and a half year old son. He spent a majority of his time with Harry and Harry alone– and he preferred it this way. Regulus can’t handle being around people constantly, he even has days where he can’t handle being too close to James (though currently his only craving is to be closer). Regulus was a lone person, someone who preferred to stay home most days and would rather spend an entire day in silence than an entire day in noise. 

Regulus’ friends understood this more than James’ did. Dorcas would sit in silence with Regulus and both be content in life, while Marlene quite literally can’t stay silent more than two minutes without almost combusting unless she’s angry. Evan and Barty knew their limits and boundaries without the single utterance of a word, while Sirius couldn’t recognise a boundary if you spelled it out in flashing neon letters. 

Pandora? Well Pandora was different. They were quiet and lovely, yet could engage in just about any conversation presented fluidly. Pandora was perhaps Regulus’ best friend, even more so than Evan, Barty, or Dorcas– but not quite like James. Though did that count? James was also his husband– while Pandora was different. 

James didn’t quite understand that, not when they arrived at the restaurant to meet everyone and Regulus immediately went to Pandora Lovegood without much of a greeting to anyone else. 

James could recall Pandora from school, an odd Ravenclaw with long blonde hair and blue eyes– always wandering the castle aimlessly but somehow had a purpose within it nonetheless. He supposed it made sense, Pandora and Regulus that is. 

James had come to know Regulus as rather witty, quiet but also fierce– it was like an unspoken understanding between Regulus and everyone really, that he was somehow always in control. Even when he gave up parts of it, Regulus never relinquished it all. He didn’t know how. 

James knew what happened in Grimmauld Place. He had seen the bruises and scars littered across Sirius’ body– and he remembered the Christmas his best friend turned up barely conscious and blood dripping. James knew. He supposed everyone did, that Walburga and Orion Black were abusive. That they would have killed Sirius having had the chance, and while younger James– who he was at sixteen at least, had thought Regulus wasn’t included in that. 

Regulus, James had thought, was one of them. A pureblood supremacist. Regulus had fit so perfectly into the family on the outside– and barely lifted a head in acknowledgment to Sirius in the halls. But the more James sees of him, the more James knows he was wrong. 

Regulus Black would never be one of them, not really. He had been a kid, with no control, being told how to sit and speak, how to present himself as a part of the Noble House of Black. But Regulus was nothing more than a shell of who he was formed to be when he was younger. James remembered following blindly every instruction his parents ever gave him, not questioning it even once. Why should he have expected Regulus to have done any different? 

Sirius hadn’t. 

Sirius followed his parents orders his entire childhood (maybe not perfectly– but he still did). He was raised to be the heir. He was terrified when he got sorted into Gryffindor, he had told young James that his parents would kill him, and James had thought he was kidding. 

Regulus had once been a child with no control, following blindly and without question because he saw what happened when his brother didn’t. James didn’t understand before– but he did now. 

And as a parent this made him sick.

And Pandora? Well they make sense for Regulus. Pandora never cared about control, never forced it– no, they just simply lived. James remembers finding it odd in school, how Pandora navigated their life, how simple it seemed. He remembers envying the way Pandora simply accepted things in life, never dwelling on why it happened, just accepting it did and moving on. 

Regulus needed that, the balance Pandora brought to his life. 

James could see it clearly when they both recognised one another as they walked into the restaurant. Harry, who James had carried in quickly huffed and wiggled himself out of James’ arms, small feet paddling over to Remus who was presently speaking with Sirius and leaned back in his seat. 

“Moon Moon Moon!” Harry cheered, shamelessly crawling his way into Remus’ lap– who turned to the young boy and immediately gave him his attention, as if it was something that happened often. 

James supposed it may have, even if he doesn’t recall it. 

Regulus went to Pandora first, not bothering to sit at a seat before he was at their side, and immediately scoping a young girl into his arms (who couldn’t have been too much younger than Harry) and James connected that must be Luna. Regulus had mentioned her in one of their recent late night talks. 

And the sight of Regulus Black holding a little girl was–-

“James Potter!” 

He recognised the voice before he saw the face, not that he got much of a glimpse before he was nearly knocked backwards by the impact of a shorter ginger into his chest. 

“Oh–” James had released the breath, his arms wrapping around Lily as she quite literally clung to him. “Hi Lils.” James found himself mumbling into the air. 

Lily Evans was always someone quite extraordinary. James knew that at eleven (when he embarrassingly developed a crush on the girl), and he knew it at seventeen (when he had gotten over the crush and accepted her friendship happily), and he knew it now at twenty-three, even if he didn’t quite remember the inbetween. 

“I missed you, oh Merlin.” Lily mumbled into James’ chest, still a tight grip around him as she made no move yet to break away, though he didn’t either. 

“I missed you too.” James assured her quietly.

He had been home for almost two weeks now, and this was the first time he was seeing Lily since his accident. And by no fault of hers, life was rather hectic for the both of them– from what he had heard, Lily was running a new wizarding primary school. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t come and see you sooner, I just– I didn’t even know what to say and everything was happening so quickly and  I was caught up at home and work and—”

“Lily— hey Lily it’s fine, really no big deal. I’ve mainly been spending time with Regulus and Harry anyway.” James assured with a soft smile as they pulled apart from their hug but still remained within arms length of one another, Lily looking up towards James.

She looked older, though James supposed she was. They weren’t in their sixth year at Hogwarts together anymore, they were adults with jobs and families. But she still looked like Lily. 

James always found her remarkably beautiful, and even now he would say she was the most beautiful woman he had ever laid his eyes on. Her hair was still a bright fiery red, and her eyes the softest shade of green that shined against her pale freckled skin. 

Lily Evans was the most beautiful woman James had ever seen. 

Though she wasn’t Regulus. 

The part of him that used to love her bright red hair, now preferred the softness of black curls that fell shamelessly. The part of him that melted in the softness of her green eyes, wished for the darkness of his. 

He didn’t quite understand his feelings for Regulus, and he was half sure he never would— or that older James, Regulus’ James had understood them completely either. Something about Regulus Black defied all reason, there was no understanding what he felt for him, only feeling it. 

“I’m so glad you’re okay,” Lily was hugging him again, and he didn’t mind. “I know you don’t remember everything but when Marlene had told us what happened— I’m just so glad you’re okay James.” Lily whispered quietly, her voice full of emotion and a part of James was terrified she would start crying, because then he would start crying and he did not want to cry tonight. 

“I’m alright Lils, don’t worry.” 

“Alright Evans, move it over. You’re not the only one who has missed him.” Another familiar and comforting voice of Mary McDonald sounded and James was grinning before he even laid eyes on her. 

Mary was someone else James was rather fond of during his time at school, and he was pleased when Regulus said she was still around even now (as well as married to Lily). He and Mary had gotten along rather well, and were herbology partners since the beginning of second year, drinking partners at the beginning of fourth when they weren’t being immediately booted out of the Gryffindor common room parties. 

“Mary!” James grinned as Lily soon enough moved to his side instead, letting Mary come into full view— but not alone. No, in her arms was a small girl (who James knew couldn’t have been much more than a year old). 

“Potter,” Mary smiled, giving James a careful and mindful hug with the young girl in her arms. “I’m glad you’re okay, we’ve missed you.” Mary beamed at him as they pulled away. 

“I missed you too,” James assured her as well, but he found his eyes settling on the young girl again– Regulus hadn’t mentioned that Mary and Lily had a daughter. “And who’s this?” James asked the young girl quietly, who only gave a (mostly) toothless grin– clearly not completely understanding him, but recognising him enough not to shy away from him. 

“He didn’t tell you?” Mary gaped, turning her head immediately in the direction of Regulus who was babbling away at Luna. “Baby Black!” 

Regulus turned his head at the mention of the nickname, green eyes settling on Mary with momentary confusion. But that’s when James noticed. 

The small girl looked almost identical to Mary, her skin a few shades lighter but her hair had the same tight curls Mary’s did– just pinned up into two small ponytails out of her face. But it wasn’t that that caught James’ attention, no it was the deep green of her eyes, not like Lily’s and not like Harry’s– no. 

James found himself looking back and forth, from Regulus to the girl, over and over, as if trying to give his brain time to catch up to what he was seeing. 

“You didn’t tell him?” Mary questioned Regulus, who at first tilted his head to the side slightly as if not understanding, until his eyes settled on James, and then to the girl before realisation struck. 

“Oh my Gods–” Regulus gaped, his cheeks flushing bright red as he brought one of his hands to cover his eyes momentarily as he dropped his head. Eventually moving to pass Luna back to Pandora and making his way over to the others. 

Lily was laughing, and Mary was playfully giving Regulus a scolding as he came and took the little girl from Mary’s arms– who certainly seemed to beam at the sight of him. 

“Reg!” Her voice sounded, bouncing in his arms as he gave her the same enthusiastic smile. 

“Caroline!” Regulus matched her tone as she settled into his arms, before turning to James for a moment and offering a sheepish smile. “Lina, wanna say hi to Uncle James?” 

And when they both turned to look at him at the same time, that’s when it was the most obvious. It wasn’t just in her eyes, though that was certainly the biggest clue in– but their lips were the same shape and the grin they were giving him was just identical. 

“Hi Jam!” Caroline smiled brightly at James, and he couldn’t help but smile back. 

“Hi,” James gave a small wave, and felt Lily nudge at his side, looking over to her as she held a small smile. 

“So he–” 

“Yes.” 

“Like you–”

“Exactly.” 

“Makes sense.” James nodded, before looking back to Regulus and Caroline– who were talking about the unicorn on her shirt as she pointed to it happily to show him. It wasn’t as if James was mad Regulus hadn’t told him about being the donor for Caroline– it wasn’t as if he was her parent. And Lily had done the same for them, if anything in far more of an extreme seeing she quite literally carried Harry for nine months and gave birth to him. 

“Papa!” Harry appeared at Regulus’ feet, clearly having scrambled his way out of Remus’ lap to make his way back to his parents. 

“Harry,” Regulus let out a sigh, looking down at their son who James could see was pulling a face at Regulus that showed he was clearly displeased. 

“Up Papa.” Harry insisted, raising his arms to Regulus. 

“Go to Da.” Regulus nodded his head to James, but Harry was shaking his head and narrowing his eyes. 

“No Papa. You! Up!” Harry huffed, his hands making a grabbing motion at Regulus, who shook his head at Harry before looking up at James. 

“He’s jealous.” Regulus informed him, clearly having sensed James’ confusion as to why Harry was insisting to be picked up by Regulus and Regulus alone right now. 

“Ahhh,” James nodded in understanding, before letting out a small laugh. Of course Harry was jealous– he was an old child who was used to both of his parents' attention solely on him and now Regulus was holding Caroline (even though Harry hadn’t even been over here at the time). 

“Haz,” James attempted to sway the child's attention, but Harry didn’t budge from his spot next to Regulus. 

“Papa!” Harry whined, and James truthfully found it rather adorable– the way Harry was insistent on being the centre of his parents' focus at any given moment. But he could tell from Regulus’ facial expression this was a common occurrence and while it was adorable now for James, had certainly gotten old over time. 

“Oh the joys of parenting.” Lily chuckled from James’ side, shaking her head with a soft smile. “Alright sweet girl, let’s get you settled, yeah? Let Uncle Reggie deal with Harry huh?” Lily interfered, coming up to take Caroline from Regulus– the small girl not seeming too fussed about being passed around and happily leaned into her mothers arms. 

“Papa!” Harry was now growing far more frustrated as he bounced up and down on the balls of his feet trying to get Regulus’ attention– and once Caroline was securely in Lily’s arms and moving to have a seat at the rather large table, Regulus leaned down to pick up Harry. 

“You’re ridiculous, do you know that?” Regulus asked their toddler as he moved to pull out a seat that had a booster in it for Harry, though the young boy didn’t seem to care– only clinging to Regulus and giving a careless shrug of his shoulders. 

“ My Papa.” Harry insisted, and despite attempting to be annoyed, James could spot the smile on Regulus’ lips threatening to show. 

“You’re lucky you’re cute.” Regulus mumbled, placing a kiss to their son’s cheek before placing him in his booster seat and pushing him up closer to the table so he had no room to fall out if he attempted to move around too much before turning to James. 

“Hi,” 

“Hi,” James beamed, taking a step closer to Regulus who tilted his head up to look at him a bit better. 

“Come sit down,” Regulus was blushing slightly, motioning to the seat beside the chair he was leaning back against that was at Harry’s side, putting James between Regulus and Sirius. 

And so James did, taking a seat where Regulus instructed– because truly he couldn’t imagine being anywhere but with him. The situation, while also feeling normal, felt intimidating. 

James was used to being the odd one out about his life at home. Regulus knew everything– okay well it felt like everything at least, about James’ current life. And James could accept that. Regulus was different, he’s his husband. They live together, they have a baby together, it makes sense that Regulus knows so much more given their current circumstances. 

But this wasn’t just Regulus and the occasional one off of someone else. James was surrounded by people who knew more details about his life than he did. Sirius, Remus, Lily, Mary, Pandora, and two open seats that were meant to be occupied by Marlene and Dorcas (who James was told are known for being late to everything ), as well the three little ones but they didn’t quite count in James’ worries. 

Peter was still touring America– though is set to return in the middle of next week. And Evan Rosier and Barty Crouch (James does not recall a single good thing about either from Hogwarts but apparently they got on well now) were apparently on their honeymoon and still a few weeks out from returning back. 

And James knew no one here was expecting anything from him, but there was still an unspoken standard he had to meet. He had to be someone– someone who he didn’t know yet. They had no reason to be as patient with him as Regulus had been, they wouldn’t sit and explain anything and everything he asked without complaint. 

Who was this James? 

He knew things may never change with Sirius or Remus– because well, it’s Sirius and Remus. 

But with the others? James hardly knew Pandora– he knew of them and he knew they interacted a few times at school, but what was their relationship now? Pandora was certainly Regulus’ friend, but were they also James’? Did they have a connection? 

And Lily? James and Lily had certainly been friends back to what he remembers– how aren’t things different now? Lily had his and Regulus’ son. Was their friendship more now? That would certainly bring two people closer together wouldn’t it? James could see her now, across the table chatting away with Harry actually. 

A part of him had wondered how that would be, if it would have been awkward or some sort of ignored tension– but it wasn’t. Lily interacted with Harry with such normalcy– no material connection, just that of a close friend, an aunt. And Harry seemed to be enjoying telling Lily all about what he had done today (which was paint a bird feeder with Regulus who proved to be quite the artist). 

Or Mary, who was married to Lily. James had admittedly not seen that one coming. He had known Mary was bisexual in school– but Lily? Perhaps it had been all the pining but he had never even stepped back long enough to consider she was anything other than straight. 

To be fair though, he had never considered the fact he wasn’t straight either. But here he was, married to a bloke. 

A hot one at that. 

“Hey,” James jumped slightly at the whispered sound, turning his head to the side to see Regulus already looking back at him with slight confusion in his eyes but a soft reassuring smile nonetheless. “Are you okay?” 

“Yeah– yeah sorry. I just got lost in thought I guess.” James mumbled back, feeling secure in being this close to Regulus. 

“I ordered you water, you were zoned out when the waiter came for drinks. I hope that’s okay, it’s just what you usually get.” Regulus still spoke quietly, but from his words James found himself looking around the table again to see everyone speaking amongst themselves at the moment. Marlene and Dorcas must have shown up while James had been distracted and Harry was currently babbling to Marlene enthusiastically. 

“Waters fine– thank you.” James whispered as he turned back to look at Regulus, brown eyes meeting green. 

Merlin. He was so pretty. 

“We can go home if you aren’t ready for all of this yet. It’s only been two weeks James, no one expects anything from you.” Regulus offered, his voice genuine and James knew he meant it. 

Regulus would get him out if he wanted. Regulus would make sure he was comfortable and secure wherever he was. Regulus was on his side, and at his side– that was enough, more than enough really. 

“No no– it’s okay. I want to do this.” Because he did, he wanted to be here, he wanted to be around something normal. He needed to feel whole again, and this was the way to do it. 

His healers, who still insisted on seeing him twice a week despite having absolutely no clue how to help him– had strongly emphasised how important it was for him to resume his normal routine. 

Healer Davis has told him and Regulus that for now, until they can (hopefully) find a solution– that living their lives as normal as possible was their main hope at James’ memories coming back. That one day, something could happen to trigger some sort of response and unblock the memories trapped somewhere in his mind. 

So if normal was dinner with his friends– he would have dinner with his friends. 

And they did. 

Things went rather smoothly after that. 

James paid more attention to those around him, ordering his own food when the waiter returned and engaging in conversation with all those around him. 

They didn’t broach any heavy topics– and James was grateful for that. 

They did however, talk about the fact Regulus had apparently gotten pissed on New Year’s Eve this past year and just how much of a mess he made of himself– to which the younger boy sank back in his seat with a blush and simply shook his head. 

James found himself slipping his hand into Regulus’ at this point beneath the table– even as he laughed along at the stories his friends shared about his husband's actions that night. Apparently Regulus was very clingy after a few too many drinks and cried when James left him to go to the bathroom. 

James liked holding Regulus’ hand. 

“They’re lying.” Regulus mumbled looking at James with flushed cheeks that told James they in fact were not lying– and Regulus’ denial only made him grin even more. 

“Are they now?” Amusement was clear in his voice as he met Regulus’ eye. 

“Mhm,” Regulus nodded in a way that just made James want to lean in and kiss him. 

James is quite sure he’s never wanted to kiss someone as bad as he’s wanted to kiss Regulus these past two weeks. 

“It’s our wedding anniversary, you know.” Regulus pipped in a few moments later as the conversation turned from Regulus’ drunken adventures to some client Sirius had at work, the younger boy leaned over slightly closer to James. 

“Wait what? Today?” James asked frantically– eyes wide as he turned in his seat slightly to look at Regulus more clearly. 

Why was Regulus just telling him this now? It’s their wedding anniversary and James didn’t even know? Why are they out with friends– he should of had time to plan something–

“No no not today.” Oh. 

“When?” James asked, not quite understanding then. 

“New Year's Eve.” Regulus added, and suddenly it made sense as to why Regulus was telling him this after the story just told about him. 

“We got married on New Year’s Eve?” James asked curiously, even if he knew the answer as Regulus quite literally just told him such a thing. “Why then?” 

“You picked the date actually.” 

“Why did I pick New Year’s Eve?” James truly had no idea why he would choose that day to get married, but Regulus just grinned at him, giving a small shake of his head to indicate he would not be telling James the reasoning as to why now. 

“I’ll tell you another time.” Regulus whispered, the assurance trapped between the space of their bodies as if it were just for them. 

Maybe it was. 

Dinner continued on, until everyone was finished with their food and conversation flowed. Actually James was sure they would have stayed for a bit longer if it hadn’t been for the fact Harry, Caroline, and Luna were all falling asleep in their seats. 

“Papa,” Harry mumbled in a whispered voice, breaking both James’ and Regulus’ attention from the group as their toddler spoke for the first time in at least the past fifteen minutes (and for Harry– this was practically a lifetime). The toddler turned in his booster seat to reach out for Regulus, who got the message and helped Harry from his seat and into his lap. Harry basically slumped into Regulus’ arms, his head resting on Regulus’ chest as his small arms wrapped around his neck. 

James loved this sight, when Harry melted into Regulus– seeing the two of them together. It was certainly magical, more so than the magic that little ran through his veins. Seeing this. James didn’t know a word for it besides love. 

It had to be love, what he felt deep inside when he saw them together. It was different from what he felt for Harry alone or Regulus alone. James knew he loved Harry, he knew from the second he laid eyes on him. But that was instinct, the love from a parent to a child wasn’t one built or grown over time– it was freely given, it was natural. Loving Harry had been the most natural thing James had ever done. 

James didn’t love Regulus. Or at least, he didn’t know if he did. He felt something, but it was simply too much to explain, too much to even feel at times. Maybe it was love, maybe it was something else entirely. He didn’t understand it, and at times he didn’t even want to– feeling it was enough. And perhaps that was selfish, to not even want to try and understand his feelings for his husband, but he didn’t. James didn’t want to have to understand it, he just wanted to feel it. It was addictive, warm and inviting, yet somehow felt so dangerous that it should be locked away. Because James would die for it. 

But seeing Regulus with his son, with their son– that was love. It had to be. 

“What is it, my love?” Regulus asked Harry quietly, looking down as best he could with Harry’s arms around his neck at the toddler, a hand moving to rub small circles on the boy's back. 

“Sleepy.” Harry mumbled, eyes closed as he nuzzled himself closer into Regulus’ arms. James watched closely as Regulus let out a soft breathless chuckle and leaned down to place a kiss on top of Harry’s head. 

“You two can go ahead and take him home– I’ll go up front and take care of the bill.” Sirius suggested from James’ other side, causing James to look over to his best friend with a slight scold. 

“Pads–” 

“Oh I don’t want to hear it, Prongs– I got dinner tonight.” Sirius rolled his eyes as he went to push out from his seat. “You lot can gather up your tiny sleeping humans and go home.” Sirius looked around the table, finger pointing at everyone as he spoke. 

“What if you don’t have a tiny sleeping human?” Dorcas asked with an amused grin, arms crossing over her chest and raised an eyebrow at Sirius. 

“You have one– Marlene is right there.” 

“Fuck off.” Marlene rolled her eyes as Dorcas let out a laugh, leaning over to kiss her girlfriend's cheek. 

“Alright alright, fine– if you cannot bring your tiny sleeping human home, go home anyways and shag to your heart’s content. That’s what I’m going to do.” Sirius grinned, and Regulus groaned at James’ other side. 

“Don’t say that.” Regulus made a face, scrunching up his nose as he shook his head lightly at his brother– though the motion caused Harry to whine and his small arms wrapping tighter around Regulus. 

“Aww poor baby brother,” Sirius taunted as he backed up from the table, “Saying it or not– doesn’t make it any less true.” Sirius grinned in a sing-song voice. 

“If you don’t hurry up it will in fact become less true– Sirius, go.” Remus added in, causing Sirius to turn on his heels and do just that– the entire table chuckling at just how quickly Remus could turn the situation. 

“Here, can you take him for a second? I need to go to the bathroom real quick.” Regulus asked James as everyone had begun standing up and gathering everything to leave. 

“Yeah,” James nodded, stepping closer to Regulus to try and get Harry without disturbing him too much. “Come here little one, I’ve got ya.” James mumbled quietly to the toddler as Harry let out a small whine when being moved, but once in James’ arms settled in rather quickly and just nuzzled in closer. 

“I’ll be right back.” Regulus assured, dropping his hand from Harry’s back before turning to go and find the bathroom. 

James watched Regulus disappear further into the restaurant while rocking Harry slightly in his arms while everyone finished preparing to leave and began saying their goodbyes. 

“Hey James?” It was Pandora who broke the cycle of quiet goodbyes and careful hugs to not disturb Harry with assurances to all meet up again very very soon. 

“Pandora,” James acknowledged, admittedly a bit sceptical still. While he had exchanged a few words with Pandora during the dinner– it wasn’t enough to quite understand their dynamic yet. They all seemed to fit together somehow, and James knew the puzzle pieces fit, he just didn’t know exactly how.

“Oh don’t be intimidated– you and I are good friends.” The blonde nodded, as if reading his mind as they stood together, Luna asleep in Pandora’s arms the same way that Harry was in his. 

“We are?” James didn’t mean to sound rude by asking, and he only realised after he said it that it may have been. But Pandora, if they noticed, didn’t say anything. 

“We are.” They confirmed with a nod and slight smile, “but Regulus? Well Regulus is my best friend, and while he would never tell you this– I don’t have quite the same problem you see?” Pandora asked, their tone still gentle, unassuming and giving absolutely nothing away as to what they were going to say before saying it. 

“Uhm,” James flushed, looking around slightly but there was no one coming to his rescue (not that he actually needed it anyways). “Yes?” 

“Good, because you’ve got to give him something to work with James.” Pandora shrugged, but James was still confused– something to work with? 

What? 

“I don’t– I’m not following.” James sheepishly found himself admitting, head tipping to the side in confusion. 

“He’s not going to ask you for anything James, he’ll sit idly by and wait. But he’ll go crazy doing it– you want him, he wants you. Do something about it.” Pandora, instead of beating around the bush, just simply stated. 

“Do something about–” James found himself repeating before cutting himself off when Regulus approached again, a smile on his lips as he looked between James and Pandora. 

“Everything okay?” He asked, grabbing his coat off the back of his chair and putting it on in preparation to leave. 

“Everything’s great, just saying goodnight. We’ll have to set up a time for Harry and Luna to play soon, yeah?” Pandora smiled as if their words hadn’t just sent James’ brain into overdrive, earning only an eager nod from Regulus in agreement about the prospect of a future playdate between the two young children. 

And with quiet goodbyes between all those left, within the next twenty minutes James and Regulus were back home and putting Harry to bed. 

The toddler went through the motions of getting ready to bed almost completely silent– but to be fair it was almost half eleven and he hadn’t taken his full nap that day. Harry let Regulus help him brush his teeth as James got out his pyjamas for bed and used his wand to turn on the dim nightlight the boy couldn’t fall asleep without. 

“Goodnight Papa, goodnight Da.” Harry mumbled quietly as Regulus pulled his blanket over his small body, Harry clenching Froggy to his chest and he was asleep before his head even fully hit the pillow. 

And as James and Regulus left Harry’s room, where they would usually find themselves sat upon the sofa together for at least a few hours– they were both irely silent. 

Nothing had changed that night. Logically James knew that, truly he did. 

If anything he would call the night a rather high success. After the initial nerves had worn off, everything was great. No one forced a conversation on James’ memory loss, or made him feel bad for not understanding certain things. And it had been nice to be around his friends again, with familiar faces from before, from where he does remember. 

Plus Regulus had been there the whole time. 

James didn’t know why he felt more secure when Regulus was there, but he did. In his mind it just made sense. Maybe it was his body's default setting now, so strong that not even his mind's missing memories could take it away. James didn’t care to question it much, he just knew he was safe with Regulus. 

“Are you alright?” Regulus asked quietly as he leaned against the wall outside of the guest bedroom, breaking the short silence that they had settled into as James came to a stop in front of him.

“I’m alright.” James nodded as he turned to face Regulus, who he could just barely make out in the dim moonlight that lit the hallway– neither of them having bothered turning on many lights when they got home. “Are you alright?” James found himself asking, thinking back to what Pandora said. 

Would Regulus just sit idly by waiting for him? 

Regulus, instead of verbally speaking– nodded in response as he rocked slightly on the heels of his feet, back still pressed to the wall as he did a small little nose scrunch. Thinking. Regulus was thinking. 

James was moving before he even realised it, a step closer to the younger boy as he hesitantly brought a hand up to his face. Watching as Regulus’ eyes shot up from where they had dropped to the floor, sucking in a breath as his frantic green eyes began searching James’ brown ones. 

He didn’t know why he was moving closer, or why there wasn’t a single thought in his mind telling him to stop and think about this. He didn’t know why he suddenly felt calmer than he had since the day he woke up in that hospital bed as he got closer and closer to Regulus, feeling the warmth of his cheek in his hand. 

“James,” Regulus whispered, standing straighter now as he released a shaken breath. 

“Regulus,” James matched his tone, both of their eyes half closed as their noses brushed against one another. 

And he was right there. James could taste his breath on his lips– so close. 

So close. 

Not close enough. 

James was sure he had to have been the one who leaned in first, otherwise why would Regulus turn his face in the last second– James’ lips coming in contact with his cheek instead of his lips. 

Oh. 

“James,” Regulus whispered, and James didn’t know what to do. 

He had just– he was going to– and Regulus stopped—

Fuck. 

“I’m sorry–” James went to force himself back and away from Regulus, to run away because what else could be more embarrassing than this? His husband just rejected him. His husband.

“No, don’t.” Regulus immediately reached for James the second James went to step back, his hands gripping the sweatshirt that James was wearing and pulling him back in, causing James to stumble slightly and his hands to plant themselves flat against the wall behind Regulus. “Don’t– fuck.” Regulus breathed nervously, his head tilting forward, face nuzzling into the crook of James’ neck where the older could feel the warmth of his breath. 

“Regulus–” 

“No, please don’t leave. Just– fuck.” Regulus shakily spoke, his hands tightening on James’ sweatshirt as if it would keep him right there for the rest of time if Regulus demanded it so. 

Funny thing is, James would stay even if Regulus didn’t. 

“I’m not leaving, I’m still right here.” James forced himself to speak after a moment, despite the way his heart was pounding– from the embarrassment but also from the proximity of Regulus to him right now. 

He could feel the warmth of Regulus’ body entirely against his own, trembling slightly as he clung tightly to James. And Regulus fit against him perfectly, like he was made to be there, like it was his spot to claim. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry– Gods it’s not that I don’t want to. I want to James, I really really want to. I just–” 

“No no it’s okay, you don’t have to explain. I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry.” James cut in, truly to assure Regulus but the younger boy just pulled back slightly, tilting his head up to look at James with shining and glossy green eyes that were illuminated in the moonlight. 

“No you should have– just– Merlin, James.” Regulus let out a breathless sigh, his hands moving up to James’ cheeks, the feeling enough to send shivers down his spine as he forced himself to keep his eyes on Regulus without absolutely melting into him. 

“If you kiss me, I’ll never be able to stop–” 

“You wouldn’t have to stop Reg.” James immediately assured, finding himself leaning in again slightly as if on instinct. They wouldn’t have to stop– they were already married, they had clearly done far more than snog before– James didn’t want to stop, he just wanted Regulus.

“No, no we would have to stop because you– you’re– you don’t remember yet James. It’s only been a few weeks, for you we were both just kids–” Regulus tried to explain, his hands soft on James’ cheeks. 

“I don’t care Regulus– I want this, I want you. ” James countered quickly, because he did. 

He did. 

Every fibre of his being wanted Regulus right now. 

“Now. You want me now James, and if you wake up tomorrow and regret it…” Regulus’ voice trailed off, leaving the weight of his words unsaid. They both knew what he meant. 

“I wouldn’t–” 

“Okay then you can kiss me tomorrow– if you’re sure you won’t regret it, wait til tomorrow and you can kiss me. Once you’re rested and not running on the high of seeing your friends again. If you want to kiss me tomorrow, for Merlin's sake James you can do it all you want. Tomorrow.” 

Tomorrow? 

He could wait one more day, just a few hours. He could do that. Easy. Fine. 

If Regulus wants me to wait til tomorrow– I’ll show him. 

“Tomorrow?” 

“Yes.” 

“You won’t stop me if I kiss you tomorrow?” 

“I’ll never stop you again if that’s what you want.” 

James searched his green eyes for a hint of uncertainty, but there was none. Regulus was telling the truth, James only had to wait. 

Thing is, he hates waiting. 

And that night, after he had to force himself away from Regulus– he dreamt of green eyes and soft lips that were so close…

Just not close enough. 

Chapter Text

James had not kissed Regulus that next day. 

Regulus waited for it, truly he did– and he realises now just how stupid that is. He had been prepared for that, the regret, the realisation. And a part of him was thankful that he had stopped James before he did because he knew he couldn’t have fully handled the force of knowing James would regret kissing him. 

Another part of him was cursing himself for missing out on the opportunity to just have James again, for however long it could have been– anything would be better than nothing, right? Just a moment of having James could have been enough, it could have held him over, it would have been enough. 

Regulus felt stupid, thinking that maybe something had changed. That maybe, even without his memories James could want him and be happy with Regulus and who he is now. But Regulus knew this was a hard ask– how could he ever expect that? 

Sure, they were married. 

And sure, James had said he wanted to date him. 

And yes, James had tried to kiss him. Not the other way around, James leaned in first– Regulus was sure of that, he had replayed the scene enough in his mind to know. 

But Regulus knew he shouldn’t have let himself hope. It was a dangerous game, one of waiting and hope. Regulus knew that, but he had let himself anyway. 

In his defence, things had been going particularly well between the two of them, and logically– when dating your own husband– a kiss wouldn’t be far-fetched. It should be easy, they had done it a million times before even if James didn’t remember, hell– James had kissed Regulus the first time before they were even officially dating. Regulus couldn’t help but want it. 

And he had not gotten it. 

The day had gone by as if the little moment in the hallway the night before had not happened at all– for a moment Regulus had even considered the possibility he made it all up. 

James didn’t treat him any differently. They still acknowledged one another when entering a room, or both played with Harry who was none the wiser as to what had occurred between his parents. Things were fine. 

But Regulus was going mad with anticipation the entire day. Any time he and James were alone for more than a few minutes he was anticipating a kiss, foolishly perhaps but he had. And he for most of the day Regulus had allowed himself to brush it off– surely James would kiss him that night after they put Harry to bed right? 

Wrong. 

James had excused himself to their room alone after they exited Harry’s bedroom, leaving Regulus standing in the hallway like an idiot mumbling a quiet goodnight after him as the door closed. 

And that night, Regulus had tossed and turned in the guest bedroom, wondering what had gone wrong and questioning just how much his life had changed in such a short period of time. It took him hours to fall asleep– longer than he’d like to admit, and he dreaded morning and having to face his husband again with the weight of the embarrassment he felt. 

But unlike most mornings, Regulus didn’t find himself waking up on his own or from the sound of Harry calling out for him to start their day together, but from the sound of the floo network in the living room sounding. 

The sun was bright as it came into the bedroom from the windows as Regulus sat up in bed, looking around the room as if it were unfamiliar in the post sleep haze he was in, perhaps from falling asleep so late. And against the wants of his body, which tempted him to fall back into the sheets and not emerge until Harry was calling for him– he got up anyway, curious as to who would be coming through their floo when they certainly weren’t expecting anyone. 

Sliding out of bed, he found himself grabbing a deep blue jumper off the desk in the corner of his room and shrugging it on, recognising it as one of James’ but he didn’t really care about that– they were close enough in size to where the material had a nice oversized look. 

James was just a few centimetres taller and while he certainly had more build than Regulus (in his defence, he was not the professional Quidditch player.) So his husband's clothes fit rather comfortably, and well– they brought a sense of comfort to him now, a way to feel close to James without actually getting to be. 

“Hello?” Regulus called out before clearing his throat as he walked out of the guest bedroom and towards the living room where the only open floo network in the house was, looking around and at first not noticing anyone, til James’ head popped out of the entryway from where he seemed to be shrugging off his coat and shoes. 

“Hey, good morning!” James smiled brightly at Regulus, disappearing for a moment to put his coat on the rack before walking into the living room completely. 

“Did you–” Regulus paused, a hand motioning over to the floo as he didn’t take his eyes off of James, “When did you leave? Where did you go?” Regulus couldn’t help his mind from running wild, a fear deep inside of him. 

James never just left without saying something, ever. Even now he had always told Regulus where he was going if he left– granted it had only ever been to Sirius and Remus’ flat and his parents when he did go somewhere alone. But James hadn’t told him, and James had bailed on their nightly routine last night. 

Regulus knew James wouldn’t ever cheat on him– that wasn’t the fear that plagued him. It was the one of being left, of James leaving without a word, of realising he doesn’t want this, doesn’t want Regulus. 

“My parents– I was only gone for maybe fifteen minutes, just dropping Harry off and talking for a second with mum.” James, who clearly didn’t recognize the fear in Regulus’ tone, answered quickly and without hesitation– steadily making his way closer to Regulus. 

“Wait– what?” Regulus’ head dropped to the side in confusion, before the words completely caught up with him– and almost subconsciously he began looking around for Harry. “Why’d you– what? You took Harry to your parents? Why would you–” Regulus found himself fumbling for words, because it just simply didn’t make sense. 

Regulus knew James had every right to take Harry where he pleased– Harry was his son too, both of theirs. But some part of him still detested the idea of Harry not being near, at least without preparation for such a thing. Regulus and James both barely ever truly been away from their son– Harry preferring to be with them and they preferred to have him around as well. 

James had attempted to ease him of the distaste several times, though Regulus doubted it would ever entirely go away. Sirius seemed to be the only one who understood really, even if his brother had yet to have children– Sirius knew what it was to be a child and search for your parents in need of comfort and never be met with it. 

Regulus knew logically that Harry didn’t know that feeling, not really. They never passed him over to a governess to handle, or left him unattended for hours (yes, even at two Regulus knew he and his brother had been left in a room alone– their mother not wanting to deal with them). And Regulus trusted Effie and Monty with Harry wholeheartedly– there was a reason he was there when James was in the hospital and not somewhere else. He wanted Harry to be raised like James, in a home full of boundless love and excitement, which extended towards his grandparents as well. 

But some part of Regulus, perhaps the unhealed child deep down– wanted Harry with him, wanted to have him close, where he could see his son was taken care of. In part he knew it was due to just being a parent, James had told him he experienced similar emotions the first few times they left Harry anywhere– a need to wrap him up and keep him close. But for him, it wasn’t just the first few times. 

Regulus Black became a parent, and for the first time in his life truly understood the wrongs of his parents. For years, in the back of his mind– he simply just believed it wasn’t that bad. That more often than not a child would grow up in less than ideal conditions. It wasn’t as if he and Sirius were starved and beaten every day, and really they hardly ever saw their parents until they were seven and eight. Surely it wasn’t that bad, at least that’s what he convinced himself, and especially as he spent more time away from them, and the memories slipped deeper into his mind, he had convinced himself it hadn’t been that bad. 

And then he held Harry for the first time, and he was ready to end the world in a moment's notice if someone so much as breathed an ounce of pain or neglect in his direction. There was a notable shift inside of him as he became a father, like the world turned upside down and everything he thought he knew about love and family– he suddenly didn’t know anymore. Harry was Regulus’ life altering event, at twenty years old, the weight of loving a child, of loving his child was the most beautiful and painful weight to bear. 

It wasn’t until then, until he looked into soft green eyes and a small hand that couldn’t even fully wrap around his finger held it anyway– that Regulus knew his parents were that bad, that he actually understood the monstrous act of the abuse he and Sirius experienced. And that realisation made him cling desperately to keeping his son in proximity– even if he knew he would be safe elsewhere, unless necessary, Regulus wanted Harry with him and James.

“Uh well, today is Valentine's day. And I forgot until two nights ago and I wanted to plan something but that’s sort of hard with a toddler running around, so I asked my parents if they would be okay with taking him for today and tonight and they agreed.” James began to explain with a slight flush of the cheeks as he came up to the back of the sofa, his hands resting on the soft velvet like material as he leaned to the side slightly. “I hope that’s okay– we can obviously go back and get him if you prefer but–” 

“Is it Valentine's Day?” Regulus found himself asking, mind slipping from the thought of his son, trying to think back as to what day it was– and sure enough it was in fact the middle of February and Valentine's day– and he had completely forgotten. “Oh Merlin, I forgot Valentine’s day.” He mumbled, bringing one of his hands to rake through his presently mess of hair, but to be fair he had just woken up less than ten minutes ago. 

“I forgot too, because everything has been crazy lately Reg– we both forgot, it’s fine–” James went to assure but truthfully Regulus still felt guilty about forgetting. Valentine’s day was James’ favourite holiday, and he had forgotten. 

James had always loved the idea of spending a day just to celebrate being in love, and no amount of remarks from anyone could take that away from him (Remus has given him the entire speech on the Saint Valentine’s Day Massacre several times). It was just a day that was so inherently James that Regulus couldn’t stand the idea of not giving it to him. James loved to celebrate love, being in love, he loved the grand gestures and dates– he thrived in it. 

And Regulus had forgotten. 

“But I forgot– and you love Valentine’s day James.” Regulus huffed, his hand falling dramatically at his side and he watched as James failed to hide a small smile as he watched him. “And you’ve gone ahead and planned something. You’re the one with memory loss right now, how is that fair?” 

“Well, technically I didn’t fully plan anything,” James piped in with an attempt to sooth Regulus’ worries. “I actually need your help with that.” James added hopefully, and Regulus found himself looking to his husband with slight curiosity. 

“My help?” He asked, green eyes searching the honey brown of James’ for answers that were yet to be spoken aloud. 

“Yes well– okay, so I was trying to plan something last night for the two of us to do today, that’s why I went to the room after we put Harry down.” James began explaining, “but then I realised I quite literally have no idea what we’ve already done, for Valentine’s day or any other holiday or date. And I don’t–” James paused with a slight huff, as if his words frustrated him. 

“I don’t want to do something we’ve already done. Ever. I want to do something new.” 

Regulus felt stupid for a moment, that he had ever even felt upset or wary of James opting out of time with him the night before now. Regulus had gone to bed frustrated and needy, while James was trying to plan something for them. A looming feeling of guilt for ever doubting James casting over him before confusion hit. 

“What do you mean? We’ve done a lot of things together James…” Regulus allowed his voice to trail off slightly, hoping to pull more insight as to exactly what James meant and wanted or needed from Regulus. 

“Well, okay yeah I get that. But I want today to be new, for the both of us.” James told him quietly, “you always have this sort of advantage over me with our life together right now, and I know you don’t use it against me or make me feel bad for not being caught up to this, to us. But I want something that we can experience together for the first time, you know? An equal playing field. No redos of old dates, or going to a restaurant we’ve been to before together. It doesn’t have to be something big, I don’t care about that. I just, I want something that’s only ours. Something I can experience for the first time with you. Something we can have together, now.”

Oh. 

Oh Regulus is in love with this man. 

There was something so raw, so– personal about James’ words that no amount of memories or history could break through. He wasn’t asking Regulus for much, in fact Regulus could tell he meant what he said, that it didn’t have to be something big. James just wanted something they could have together now– something that was theirs and only theirs, who they are now, not who they used to be. 

It’s sort of ironic – if he really thought about it. The way James is the one who lost so much, who lost seven years, but still Regulus was changed too. They aren’t who they used to be, and he supposed they never would be again. Too much had changed now, a shift has been made in the foundation of what their relationship was. James could remember everything right now but it still wouldn’t change that undeniable fact. 

But now, in this moment– looking into the hopeful eyes of his husband, Regulus dared to think maybe that doesn’t matter. That memories or not, James was here, James was trying. And that was enough, even if it hurt, it was enough. 

James Potter was enough. 

“Something new?” Regulus’ quiet voice echoed as they stood in close proximity, the words filling the air between them as they both worked to understand one another silently. 

“Please.” James nodded, with a twinge of hopefulness in his voice, as if a part of him feared Regulus’ denial. 

“Okay,” Regulus agreed quickly, a nod of certainty as he tilted his head up slightly, offering a more full view of James.

“Okay? You’ll help me?” James was smiling now– beaming like the brightest star in the sky as he looked at Regulus. And he was, in some way at least, the sun was the brightest star in this galaxy. 

“Yes James,” Regulus breathlessly laughed, shaking his head slightly in adoration. “Of course I’ll help you.” 

And he did. 

–

They wasted half the day pitching ideas of how to actually spend it. 

“Paddle boating?” 

“James, it's February, do you want to get pneumonia?” 

Or, 

“Ice Skating?” 

“We do that every Christmas Eve– Harry even did it with us this year with the trainer skates.” 

Or, 

“We could go do a wine tasting?” 

“James, you don’t even like wine?” 

“Do you like wine?” 

“We’re not going wine tasting, you don’t like it and even if you did– it’s already Valentine’s day, all of them would be booked.” 

Needless to say, it was not working. 

It wasn’t for lack of trying, but most things they would have the option to do were either a no go because of the time of year, lack of preparation, or neither truly wanted to do. 

“We can just get dressed and go out to muggle London for dinner? Walk until we find somewhere we want to eat, no plans, just find it together?” Regulus found himself suggesting, looking at James who has currently gotten so frustrated he’s laying upside down on the sofa, legs dangling off the back of the deep blue velvet material and his hair brushing against the floor as his head was dipped off of the cushion. 

“But it’s Valentine’s day Reg,” James whined, as he looked over towards Regulus, who was sitting at the other side of the sofa, chin resting on his knees as he pulled his legs up to his best. 

“We can plan something bigger for another day if you’d like? But Valentine’s day doesn’t last forever Potter, we have to pick something eventually.” Regulus reminded, his tone playful, trying to lighten the clear frustration that James was feeling– even if his words were true. 

“Why did I have to be such a good husband and already take you on the best dates?” James grumbled, though Regulus could see the slight grin on his lips. Sure it was frustrating to him that they didn’t have an abundance of idea’s right now– but Regulus could see how pleased he was with himself for having lived out various date ideas he’s been collecting in his mind since he was a child. 

Regulus knew that James always dreamed of being married, of having children and his own personal little family. James had told him that that, that this– well it was always his true dream. Sure, playing professional Quidditch was something spectacular to James, he had a permanent grin on his lips for weeks when he actually got an official contract. But Quidditch, at least for James– was never meant to be forever (and Regulus had already mentally decided it was done for now). 

James' true dream was Regulus and Harry. They made up all fragments of what it was. It was rather sweet really, all the times James had held Regulus and confessed the deepest depths of his desire, always being sure to tell him that he was it. James was a romantic, no one could even deny that irrefutable fact. 

“I’ve taken you on dates too you know– you’re not the only good husband here.” Regulus mumbled with a smile, one of his legs slipping straighter to nudge James’ slightly– a playful notion that only sparked a grin on the older boy’s lips. 

“Oh yeah? What dates have you taken me on?” James asked, matching the same tone Regulus had used, and he attempted to sit up a bit, bracing his elbows on the sofa cushion beneath him and propping himself up– only to struggle with the positioning and dropping back to his hanging position with a small ‘hmph’. 

“I took you to a pottery class one time.” Regulus didn’t know why that was the first thing that popped into his mind when James asked about dates, but the loud and immediate laugh it earned from his husband was well worth the lack of explanation. 

“A pottery class?” James managed through his laughs, grinning widely, “why did you take me to a pottery class Regulus?” 

Regulus knew he was blushing, mumbling an answer under his breath, inaudible as he looked off towards the back wall, embarrassed that he had even willingly brought up this particular date. 

“No no, don’t mumble– now I have to know Reggie, come on!” James gasped with excitement at the prospect of Regulus’ embarrassment. 

“Ahh…” Regulus hissed between his teeth, rounding his head til his eyes fell upon James again, knowing he was impossibly red in the face right now– but it was James, he didn’t feel the need to hide away from it, from him. “Okay let me preface this by saying I had no idea what pottery was okay?” Regulus started, breaking in half a laugh as he shifted in his seat. 

“Okay… You’re not making me want to know any less– if anything it’s more now. Why did you plan a date without even knowing what pottery is?” James asked, clearly amused and Regulus was half tempted to lean forward and kiss the stupid, beautiful grin off of his lips. 

“Well, so you were way more emerged in muggle culture then I was, obviously– mother never let me or Sirius out into the muggle world, I knew next to nothing before Hogwarts and there is only so much a muggle studies classroom can teach you.” Regulus prefaced, watching James as he nodded to indicate understanding. “And you had already taken me on so many dates by the time I had graduated and it was always you planning these things and for once I wanted to do it too, to give back to you for always making those sort of things special.” 

“Regulus, as cute as your rambling is– it’s not distracting enough for you to just get away with not telling me.”

“Oh bludger off,” Regulus rolled his eyes playfully, though mentally he was swooning over the fact James had called him cute. Isn’t that something? Feeling impeccably, helplessly in love with the person you’ve been married to for years– like it’s falling for the first time, every time. 

“I wanted to take you out, and I had no idea what to do because I didn’t want to repeat something we’ve already done that you had planned. I wanted it to be special for you, you were always out planning things for me, so the least I could do was plan something for you. And one day, you and Sirius were off doing– Merlin knows what really. And Remus and I went out into London to look at a few bookshops and one of them was across from this art studio that held pottery classes and they were advertising a group class for beginners for that weekend and I just immediately decided that was perfect.” Regulus explained, trying to properly lead up to how this little date had came to be.

“So when I came home– we had just moved in together at this point, less than a week even, and I told you that I had a date idea for the weekend and it was a surprise. And you were just ecstatic that we were going out, you didn’t even really care about where we were going as long as it was together.” 

“I mean, I doubt pottery would be my first pick at an ideal date, but I wouldn’t have been opposed to it with you.” James adds in, which Regulus already knew. 

“No I know, you were always happy– no matter what we did. But that night, we got to the art studio, and keep in mind I still have no fucking clue what pottery is. I didn’t even think to ask someone, I was just so happy I got to plan something for us– I didn’t even stop to consider what I had planned. Because somewhere, mentally I guess, I connected pottery to Potter.” Regulus mumbled, scrunching his nose at the reminder. 

This mention was enough for a light of realisation to flash behind James’ eyes, his lips parting in a silent gasp as he frantically sat up– nearly rolling off the sofa as he brought his legs back over to sit up right. 

“You took me to a pottery class because my last name is Potter?” James gaped, amusement clear on his face as he faced Regulus, so much so his dimples were popping on his cheeks. 

“Yeah.” Regulus admitted, breathless as he laughed and nodded his head up and down, biting down onto his bottom lip as he brought his shoulders in with a shrug. 

“Did we make something? Was it awful? Do we have it? Can I see it? This is the best thing I’ve ever heard–” James beamed, clearly delighted by this, and for some reason it made Regulus want to promptly burst into tears. 

It shouldn’t be the best thing James had ever heard, it should be one of the best things he remembers. 

But he doesn’t remember, and Regulus doesn’t fault him for that– no matter how much it hurts. But he wished that James did, that he could remember how much he laughed when the initial realisation had set over the pair as they stood inside the art studio. That James could remember the way he kissed Regulus right there, in front of everyone. Or that he told all of their friends the second he saw them next, beaming at every retelling. 

Regulus wished that James remembered, because that was the night he asked Regulus about starting a family together– once they were home and freshly showered, curling up on the couch together when James blurted out the question. 

It was embarrassing to remember the beginning, to think of Regulus’ lack of muggle knowledge. But in the end– well, it was perhaps one of the best nights of his life. 

“We made matching mugs– they are in the kitchen.” Regulus informed, despite the ache in his heart, the bright smile on James’ lips made it better anyway… at least a bit anyway. 

Before Regulus could say a word more, James was running from the sofa to the kitchen without any explanation (not that it wasn’t bluntly obvious why he was going). 

“Which ones?” James called from the room over cheerfully, and Regulus could hear him opening and closing cabinets as he began his search. 

“You tell me.” Regulus called back, but was moving to stand himself and make his way into the kitchen as well. Quickly finding James who had located the mug cabinet and was looking thoughtfully through it (Regulus likes mugs okay– he has a lot). 

Regulus leaned himself upon the kitchen island, elbows tucked underneath his chest as he watched his husband with a fond smile. And even with James’ back to him as he searched, Regulus could see the exact moment that James located the mugs by the way he stood straighter, more cheerful. 

The two mugs sat where they always did, towards the back and together. They actually had to attend two more classes to complete them (but James didn’t need to know that), one to glaze and fire them and another to pick up their finished products. They were simple– neither of them had ever made one before then, and both were a little uncentered but simple nonetheless. 

Regulus’ (made by James), was a soft lilac colour, with the Leo constellation etched into it, and Regulus– the star that is– was the biggest and brightest. 

James’ (made by Regulus), was a deep navy blue that bordered on the edge of black, with only one star etched in, a contrast from the deep background, was the bright mass of the sun in a golden yellow. 

“Which one did you make?” James asked curiously, turning around with the mugs in hand as he looked to Regulus and moved to the island himself, standing on the other side across from Regulus as he placed the mugs before them and leaned against the cool granite the same way, mimicking one another. 

“This one.” Regulus’ hand slid forward, nudging the navy mug in James’ direction. “It’s yours though. I made this one for you.” Regulus nodded to the one he just nudged over. “And you made this one for me.” He added, gripping the lilac mug in his hands and running his thumb over the constellation etching inside of it. 

James watched him, curiously– eyes on the mug, and then onto his own, and back to Regulus again. 

“Stargazing.” James spoke clearly after a moment of welcomed and warm silence. Regulus looked at him, slightly confused, head falling to the left. 

“Stargazing?” 

“That’s what I want to do, for Valentine’s day. I want to go stargazing.” 

“Oh,” Regulus dropped his shoulders slightly, “James, we’ve been stargazing together before. Plenty of times actually.” He informed gently, prepared for a frustrated sigh to come out of his husband’s lips, but it never came. 

“Then we go somewhere we haven’t before, a new location. It’s basically the same as picking a new restaurant. I want to go stargazing with you.” James insisted with a soft determination. “Please?” 

And with a heart full of love, of admiration, of unconditional longing– Regulus nodded, “okay we can go stargazing.” He assured with a soft smile, not missing the way the corner of James’ lips turned up. 

“Okay.” 

“Okay.”

–

It actually wasn’t very hard to decide on a location to go stargazing at, in fact– it was relatively easy. 

They had done this same thing dozens of times, in the astronomy tower, at the Potter’s lakeside home, their first flat, their house now, and various hotel roofs when they would go away for a weekend. It wasn’t new– Regulus liked the stars and James liked Regulus, so plenty of times they had found themselves out at night looking at the night sky. 

Regulus didn’t quite know why James had wanted to do this particular activity– it had never been his favourite thing to do, but he was adamant, certain with his request, and Regulus wasn’t going to deny him that. 

It wasn’t a particularly eventful Valentine’s day. In fact they let most of their day waste away into the void of time with no real purpose. Harry wasn’t home– so there was no running around with the toddler, no paddling feet or shrieks of excitement at every corner. No, today it was just them– James and Regulus, existing within the confines of one another. 

Regulus couldn’t recall the last time he had James all to himself for an entire day– it wasn’t heard of really. Sure Effie and Monty had no problems taking Harry whenever asked, and hell– even Remus and Sirius would take him with little to no notice if asked and able (though Regulus knew this was true to all of their friends). But they rarely used that to their advantage. Sometimes they would send Harry off for the afternoon to have some time together, maybe for a dinner date– though very very rarely did their son ever spend the night away from them. 

They usually always had him at some point during the day or night– but today, today it was just them. And he was thankful for that, even if he missed Harry, he needed this time with James, and just James. And he wasn’t a bad father for taking a night for his husband, they needed to nurture their relationship and the uncertainty it was now not only for their sakes, but for Harry’s as well.

Their time passed quickly, as they settled back onto the sofa, and sat as they did most nights now and just enjoyed each other's company. Regulus had offered for them to go and do something now, before nightfall because it was Valentine’s day and they didn’t have to spend it wasting away together at home. But James refused– he wanted this, and Regulus didn’t quite know why but he didn’t press for answers. If his husband wants to sit on the sofa with him, his husband will get to sit on the sofa and talk to him. 

They talked about everything and nothing all at once. James prodded for more details on dates they had previously been on, and insisted at least four times they should go to another pottery class if for no other reason than he deserves to experience it again. Regulus denied the request, mostly out of safeguard for his pride– but he knew he would go again, if James truly asked him, well Regulus would do absolutely anything his husband wanted. 

And once the sky began to dim, they shuffled from their spots on the sofa and away from the warmth of cosy quiet words to get ready to go out into the night– deciding to pick up some take out on the way and have a thrown together makeshift picnic. James disappeared into their shared room while Regulus went into the guest bedroom. 

And for a moment, just a moment– Regulus stood in the safe borders of the room and just grinned like an idiot, hands coming to his face where he could feel the warmth from flushed cheeks. He wanted to scream, and he briefly considered casting a muffling charm just to do so. But he didn’t really want to waste the time to do that, the sooner he was dressed and ready– the sooner he could be with James again. 

And Regulus really really wanted to be with James again. 

He stood in front of the closet for a moment, staring at the clothes hanging inside of it– briefly cursing himself for the fact a majority (okay, almost all) of his nicer clothes were still in their bedroom. It wasn’t as if he had considered dating and Valentine’s day when he initially moved some of his stuff into the guest room. It was meant to be a temporary arrangement, it wasn’t as if he planned to stay here forever. But now, he had absolutely no idea what to wear, and it would feel overwhelmingly embarrassing to go and ask James to let him into their room. 

What does one even wear stargazing? 

Yes, they had done this activity several times– but for most of them Regulus wore pyjamas onto whatever rooftop James dragged him up onto, and the same when he did the dragging. 

It wasn’t a particularly fancy date, take out and looking up at the night sky. But it was their first date, at least this time around. Well actually, one could argue their first date ever was stargazing up in the astronomy tower at Hogwarts, though neither of them had ever declared it as such. 

“Oh Merlin, what have I gotten myself into?” Regulus mumbled to himself as he finally reached out to shuffle through the clothing, looking for the warmest possible option while still staying casual and comfortable. 

He went through the options in the closet, and decided swiftly he hated every single one of them. He should just burn his entire closet because nothing was suitable, nothing would be suitable– because he hated all of it. 

He hadn’t been this nervous… uh well literally ever for a date with James. They were already comfortable with one another before they started dating, it all had happened so quickly then that Regulus hadn’t even had the opportunity to process the nerves of it before he was wrapped up in love. Falling for James Potter had been effortless and happened within the blink of an eye that he almost didn’t even catch it. 

And now, now that he was actually married to the man, raising a child with him– he was nervous for a date. A simple date at that. 

But it wasn’t the date that scared him so much. It was the expectation. The fear of not amounting to whatever idea of him that James had. 

James, or rather James before losing his memories– well he knew Regulus. He knew how he showed affection, how he let the love slip between them. James had known all the ways Regulus was saying ‘I love you’ without actually having to speak the words, because sometimes he didn’t. He wouldn’t say it, he didn’t quite know why– it wasn’t as if he ever didn’t feel it. In fact, Regulus always felt overwhelmingly in love with James, but sometimes the words would catch in his throat, and all he had in him was to show it. 

But James now hadn’t learned these things, he didn’t stumble through the first few months of their relationship with Regulus as they gained their footing. And it’s not as if Regulus blamed him– Merlin knows James is handling this far better than he ever could have. 

Truly just the thought sent chills down his spine. Young Regulus… oh Merlin, he would have never accepted James as he is now. If Regulus had woken up nearly a month ago in the hospital being told he was married to James Potter and had a son with him– he would have laughed in the healer's face. Regulus would have been distraught, and he knew his sixteen year old self, well he wouldn’t have been able to face the reality of being married, and Harry? Well, Regulus doubts he would have been eager to see the life he was responsible for with no memories of him. 

But James? James was resilient. And while Regulus knew that James had certainly been sceptical in the beginning– he was still willing to trust his olderself and the decision he made to marry Regulus and to start a family together. James let himself feel whatever it was inside of him, not fighting against it due to the lack of memories no.. he just accepted it all. 

James truly was phenomenal. 

And Regulus couldn’t figure out what to wear on a date with him. 

It seemed so juvenile, to worry about such a thing. James, even this James– has seen him when he puts in absolutely no effort. Most days Regulus just rolls out of bed and changes into the first thing he sets eyes on. He had no one to impress, most of his time was spent with a two year old who truthfully would rather them stay in pyjamas all day every day rather than get dressed, and he was already married. He didn’t have to impress James with how he looked– he already had a ring on his finger, the hard part was over. 

But he wanted to look nice, it was their first date this time around, and James, as lovely as he is– didn’t even truly like stargazing so the least Regulus could do is put in effort before his husband came to that realisation and make the night better by looking presentable and making sure they got some of the best takeaway (James was always happy when it came to good food). 

Regulus didn’t really know if James realised he wasn’t the biggest fan of the activity. He had been several times of course, and it wasn’t as if he truly ever complained about going– but he only ever went for Regulus. There was nothing fascinating about the night sky to James aside from trying to point out the few stars and constellations he knew (trying being the key word here– he often failed). But he didn’t like the activity, not particularly anyway. 

But something about the hopeful eyes of his husband made Regulus not even mention that little detail. For whatever reason, and truly it was one the younger didn’t yet know– James wanted to go stargazing. And the whole world would be damned if Regulus didn’t give James absolutely anything and everything he wants. 

So Regulus eventually did get ready, which was actually pretty easy once he stopped overthinking every single choice he made. It was a simple date, just the two of them– and James didn’t care about Regulus’ clothes. He knew that. So he ended up wearing a pair of comfortably fitting dark denim jeans and a long sleeve plain black shirt before adding back on James’ navy jumper and a jean jacket overtop that was a bit too big so he had to roll the sleeves up slightly. Comfortable, casual– and warm, seeing it was February in England. 

Regulus did find himself spending a bit of extra time on getting his hair to sit right– and eventually was successful (he didn’t have the same struggle his husband and son did in that department). And before he knew it really, they were out the door– with a blanket in hand as they apparated to an apparition point near a good thai takeout place Regulus remembered James particularly enjoyed. 

From there, it was only a matter of minutes before they were set up on a dark hillside, a blanket set down on the ground beneath them and take out containers set out between them. 

It was dark, the only lights coming from the city below the hilltops but that’s what made it so perfect for this, the sky clearer without all the intruding lights that took away from them all. They were alone, which Regulus had both expected and was thankful for. And James looked magical. 

James perhaps always did though if Regulus was honest, but something about him right now was a special flavour of divine. He had on his favourite light washed jeans, and Regulus could see a red shirt peeking out from the collar of a grey sweatshirt. James’ hair was as wild as ever, though he liked it that way– the brown loose curls falling in every direction, and his glasses sat perfectly on his nose. And even in the darkness of night, James seemed to glow– his features luminated in a way that made him just seem completely and utterly golden. 

And they stayed like that for a while, sat across from one another in timeless conversation that truly didn’t mean anything– but everything at the same time. Words shared between their take out dinner, flowing effortlessly, naturally. 

“Okay so, how do we do this?” James asked after a while as he took a bite from his food, leaning back on one hand as he looked to Regulus for guidance. 

“How do we– James.” Regulus deadpanned, unable to hide the chuckle that came out as he turned his head to the side and away from his husbands eyes to mask the stupidly wide grin on his lips. “James, you wanted to come stargazing– this is it. We are outside, we have takeout– and we look at the stars.” 

“Oh.” James hummed, tilting his head up to the sky to look out around them. “Where are you at?” He asked, dropping his head back to look at Regulus. 

“Umm,” Regulus hummed, shifting from where he was sitting facing James to rest at his side, head tilted up as he made quick work of finding Regulus– it was rather easy for him now, second nature really. He had always loved astronomy, it was the one thing he didn’t hate that his family gave him, his name. 

Sure, he would never shine as bright as Sirius, but he was the heart of the lion. And well… when the universe works in mysterious ways and he found himself married to none other than James Potter– well he supposed he was okay with being the heart of a lion. 

“There.” Regulus pointed out, feeling James shift slightly beside him and his eyes follow Regulus’ outstretched arm that pointed up to the Leo constellation where Regulus resided. 

“Where?” 

“There.” 

“ There has a lot of stars in one area.” 

“It’s the brightest one, in that little cluster right there James.” 

“How can you even tell which one is brightest? They are all so far away.” 

“I–” Regulus gaped, head turning to come face to face with James who was much closer than he originally anticipated. “It’s obviously brighter than the rest.” He pointed out quietly, his words dying in his throat due to sheer proximity. 

“I know.” James gave him a grin, eyes flickering back in the direction of the sky– but Regulus’ couldn’t take his eyes off of him. “Beautiful isn’t it?” 

“Yes.” But Regulus wasn’t even looking at the stars, because none were as beautiful as the sun– and the sun sat right beside him radiating warmth and light and beauty. 

“You’re not even looking–” James huffed, clearly prepared to scold Regulus but his words faded into nothingness as he turned to look at Regulus. 

Their proximity suddenly became more daunting, the inches between them nothing more than a breath away. Regulus could feel James’ breath against his skin, so close– so… 

“Oh,” Regulus breathed a chuckle, shaking his head as he turned in his position, his elbows connecting with the ground as his eyes dropped to the blanket below them as his eyes fixated on the ground. 

“Regulus,” James huffed from beside him, “look at me?” He questioned, almost inaudible as Regulus felt him sink down slightly to a more reclined position at his side. 

“You don’t even like stargazing, you know.” Regulus pointed out, completely avoiding the question and kept his eyes fixated on the blanket as his fingers began picking numbly at the material. 

“I know.” James confirmed, “well- it’s not that I don’t like it, I just don’t fully get the appeal.”

“Then why suggest it?” Regulus questioned, still not finding the strength in himself to look at his husband without doing something incredibly stupid. 

It was stupid wasn’t it? To forget all logic, all reason, and just cave into every burning desire deep inside of him? 

“One of the only things I remember about you from before, is that you liked to look at the stars. The only thing that was tangible, real– that wasn’t about your family or being Sirius’ little brother, and well Quidditch but that’s different. This is different.” James spoke with a care in his voice, as if not knowing how Regulus would react. 

And to be fair, Regulus wasn’t prepared to hear that response. His head turned to look to James, who was looking up to the stars, as if he knew meeting Regulus’ eye would be too much for him to handle right now. 

“You never told me that before.” Regulus mumbled, because he hadn’t. His and James’ relationship started so quickly, without warning– there hadn’t been much time for discussing before. They both had just simply accepted the fact they didn’t know each other, not really at least. And spent their time learning anything and everything there was to know about one another then. 

“Really?” James questioned, looking over for a moment with the softest grin on his lips before giving a slight shrug on his shoulders and tilting his head back up. “Strange.” James had a clear amusement in his tone, a thrill to having a piece of information between them that Regulus hadn’t previously been a part of. 

“Quel crâneur.”  Regulus mumbled with a slight roll of his eyes and shook his head as he looked back down to his fingers. 

“I like when you speak French, it sounds nice. Even though I have absolutely no idea what you’re saying.” 

“Oh mais je le sais.”

“I wanted to come stargazing with you to see if I would like it more than I remember, getting to do it with you.” James spoke as he shifted back to their original topic of conversation.

“And?” 

“I think you’re wrong, about me not liking it.” 

“Oh?”

“You see, I may not particularly care about all the stars in the sky– they are all the same to me, they exist and they burn up in space but they aren’t anything but ordinary.” Regulus wanted to argue with James’ words, insist that they are special, that the stories written within the stars are the most beautiful things they could have– and to see them displayed across the night sky was simply art. But James… well James kept talking. 

“But I’m stargazing every time I look at you, and you aren’t ordinary. You’re extraordinary Regulus.” 

Regulus couldn’t help himself, reason disintegrated inside of him– it didn’t matter, nothing else mattered. Regulus pushed himself up off his elbows and cut the short distance over to James, who had just barely turned his head by the time Regulus reached him, and he never got the chance to fully, not before Regulus’ lips were covering James’ in a kiss. 

Because he had to kiss him for that. He had to.

James let out the softest ‘hmph’ in response at first, though almost immediately met Regulus’ kiss with equal fever, even as his glasses were nearly knocked off his face as Regulus basically hovered over him for a moment, drinking him in– letting the familiarity wash over him in a desperate attempt to forget. 

Regulus just wanted to forget– no. He needed to forget all of this, the world– it could be in flames behind them and it wouldn’t matter, but his world was right here, quenching his thirst and putting out the flames around them. He didn’t want to remember anymore, not right now. Right now, Regulus wanted to kiss his husband. 

And he did, taking everything James gave him and presenting him with more. All the way up until not remembering wasn’t an option anymore. 

“I’m sorry–” Regulus pulled his lips from James’, prepared to apologise for taking advantage of the situation, for kissing him without warning. James, while his– wasn’t, not like he used to be. And Regulus had a plan. To let James come to him, it was only fair, to take things at his pace as he was the one missing all of the pieces to the puzzle they created when fitting together. 

“Shut up.” James breathed a laugh, not even letting Regulus finish with his rushed apology before he was closing the distance between them again, a hand on Regulus’ cheek dragging him in for more. And Regulus let him. 

Because really, how could he not?

Chapter Text

Kissing Regulus Black was magical, and James couldn’t get enough. 

It had been weeks since Valentine’s day, and he’d be lying if he said he didn’t kiss Regulus at every single available opportunity (and they lived together so he had quite a few). And Regulus certainly never complained. 

It was different then James had originally imagined, kissing him. 

In his mind, James thought kissing Regulus would be no different than any other kiss he had shared in his life prior. That kissing a girl and a boy couldn’t be much different (he only recalled kissing three boys ever and it was Sirius, Remus, and Peter– and that hadn’t felt any different). He had imagined it would be the same– but it wasn’t. 

Regulus was soft yes, but not in the same way girls he had kissed in the past had been. Regulus was different in perhaps every way. 

For starters, he was certain in the way he kissed James. Regulus didn’t hesitate– though James supposed he didn’t need to. They were married, they had surely kissed thousands of times before. Still, it did seem like an unfair advantage over him. 

However, James was learning, and it wasn’t very hard if he was honest. It was second nature– because some part of him knew everything even if his mind didn’t. 

Like the fact Regulus is a ‘one more kiss’ type person. 

And he almost always has to have a grip on James somehow (mainly gripping his t-shirt). 

And he loves being caught off guard in a kiss, so much so it can be difficult to even kiss him through his smiling. 

And Regulus loves having James’ hands in his hair. 

And he makes delightful little noises when James kisses down his neck. 

Which has made life rather difficult for James.

Because Regulus Sodding Black and his delightful little noises will not shag James, and he has tried, several times. 

At first James had just thought it was nerves from the fact this element of their relationship had picked up again. Which he understood– because well, it was overwhelming for him too and surely Regulus was feeling the same way. And that was fine. 

And then there was the issue of their toddler quite literally having the worst timing and getting sick a week after Valentine’s day. Not that it was Harry’s fault, he’s two and no matter how much they attempt to avoid it, he will get sick sometimes. It happens. But that was three full days of Harry bouncing between the two of them at every waking (and sleeping) moment. Which James sort of loved in some odd way, he had missed so much of Harry’s life that something as mundane as a cold and being able to care for his son made him feel useful. 

Now however, James is considering the possibility that perhaps Regulus just doesn’t want him. And he supposed that was fair enough. It’s not as if he can make Regulus want to sleep with him. Nor was it particularly important. 

James was happy to have Regulus in any way the younger boy let him. And that met no bounds. As long as Regulus was still around, James would take all he could get. 

Like right now, where Regulus is making those particularly delightful sounds under him and James is quite sure his head is going to explode. 

They had put Harry to bed a little over an hour ago– the toddler long recovered as his small cold was nearing three weeks ago now. And he wasn’t entirely sure who started it, though he was betting on Regulus. 

James was settled between the dark haired boy's legs on their sofa, trying to find some way to focus properly– though it felt rather impossible when Regulus was really quite a needy little thing. 

“James,” Regulus whined as James was pampering soft kisses down his neck, particularly just beneath his ear where he had very quickly learned made Regulus squirm. And Regulus’ hands that were once gathering fist fulls of James’ shirt loosening their grip as one travelled up, Regulus’ fingers running up the nape of James’ neck into his hair before tugging slightly– just enough to demand James’ attention to shift. 

And James let out a groan as he lifted his head up, completely prepared for Regulus to stop them, this from going any further like he had done before. “Reg–” James went to whine, offering a weak attempt of protest– but before he could Regulus’ lips were back on his and any coherent thought in his mind completely and utterly disappeared. 

Because kissing Regulus Black was bloody magical and James couldn’t get enough. He needed more– Merlin. 

But if there was one more thing about Regulus, it was that he was bold. He seemed to be fully and utterly aware of the fact that James wanted him, and he knew he was quite possibly the most attractive person on the planet (James may be a tad bit biassed in thinking so, but he did).  

And right now, Regulus was certainly in that mindset as his hands slid down to James’ chest and pushed backwards, and the action that would have created distance between them simply didn’t because while Regulus was pushing James back, he was moving forward. 

The movement wasn’t exactly fluid– mostly because James didn’t quite get what Regulus was intending to do, the push and pull confusing him and by the way Regulus was grinning– he clearly noticed such a thing. 

“Merlin Potter, work with me here.” Regulus mumbled once he finally got what he wanted, which was James laying back on the sofa and Regulus the over over him– the younger boy now straddling James’ hips as his hands gently cupped his cheeks. 

“Mhm, tell me what you want next time Black.” James echoed back, his nose nudging against Regulus’ as he brought their lips together again and for a moment Regulus let him, a sweet hum leaving his lips that James just wanted to drink in and let it fuel everything inside of him for the rest of his life.

“Potter.”

“Hmm?”

“No,” Regulus parted their lips for a moment, lips hovering over one anothers with just inches of distance. “Potter, my last name is Potter.” Regulus said the words so gently, like a beautiful etched reminder of the truth, before he placed one kiss to James’ lips and began slowly pampering a trail down his jaw and neck.

See the thing is, James knew that. 

He had been acutely aware of the fact he and Regulus were married since just moments after he had woken up without his memories. He knew. In fact, he knew that their last names were entirely the same, Black-Potter. James had even taken a part of Regulus for himself. 

But his mind still referred to Regulus as Regulus Black– it felt more natural, more familiar. And he had used Regulus’ last name several times since waking up and the green eyed boy never corrected him until now. Perhaps because it truly wasn’t a big deal, he could tell even now that Regulus was simply offering the reminder because he could. 

And James had known. 

But Merlin– hearing it? Regulus Potter. 

Okay– Black-Potter, but still. 

Just because James had known, didn’t mean he had actually sat back and let himself enjoy it. And he was certainly enjoying it now. Regulus Black wasn’t just Regulus Black, he was James’ husband, the father of his son, the absolute love of his life (James, despite not having memories knew this to be true), and he wasn’t Regulus Black– he was Regulus Black- Potter. 

He shared James’ name. 

James shared his. 

Oh this was positively delightful. 

So delightful in fact, James almost missed it, the way Regulus’ lips trailed down his neck– nipping slightly in what James knew wouldn’t leave any lasting marks but a soft tenderness come morning. And Regulus, the lovely little thing he is, had also taken to sliding his hands beneath James’ shirt and pushing the fabric up. 

“Regulus.” James whispered his husband's name, feeling it needed to be spoken into the world, it needed to be cherished. The beauty of such a name could only be held by the boy in his lap, it was his and his alone, James would curse the star for ever trying to take it from him. 

“You’re so–” Regulus let out a soft groan in what was almost frustration, tilting his head up to place a kiss on James’ lips as his hands moved down to the waistband of the track pants James had been wearing that day, fingers ever so slightly tugging at the material. 

James attempted to stifle the moan in the back of his throat as his hips subconsciously bucked into Regulus’ hands– it was instinctive, like something his body knew before his mind did. Though when it came to Regulus that was sort of always how it was. All instinct. 

“You drive me absolutely mad, James Potter.” Regulus whispered as his lips moved from James to his neck, planting soft almost undetectable kisses down his neck as his hands tightened on the material of James’ track pants and pulled down. 

“What– fuck–” James was hardly able to think, because Regulus’ hands were on him, Regulus was kissing down and down and down. 

“Come on baby, even at seventeen you could figure this one out.” James didn’t have to be looking at Regulus to hear the very prominent smirk in his voice, his voice was enough, full of amusement, almost taunting. “Unless you want me to stop?” Regulus’ hands had stilled, head lifting to meet James’ eyes– looking for assurance to continue. 

“Please don’t.” James half breathed, half chuckled the small plea. Regulus had been the one to stop them up until now, and James was aching for whatever the other was willing to give him– no matter how much it was. 

And with James’ confirmation– Regulus did continue, lips trailing down as hands pulled him free from his clothing as it all unfolded.

Natural, instinctive, real. 

–

“Good morning James,” Regulus spoke from his place in front of the stove, seemingly making breakfast for Harry who was currently scribbling on a paper at the table and didn’t even take notice of James entering the room. 

Regulus had not gone to bed with James the night before, he tried– truly he did. But the younger boy wasn’t budging and went back to the guest bedroom he had been inhabiting since James came home. He hadn’t even let James reciprocate despite his offer and desire to do so. 

James supposed Regulus may not be ready for that just yet– which was fine. He wouldn’t push such matters. They were still learning and exploring this new dynamic since James lost his memories, and he was sure they would get there with time, and he hoped they would have plenty of it. 

“Good morning Regulus.” James couldn’t help but smile at the sight of his husband in the early morning– hair still a mess and not having got himself or Harry dressed for the day. He looked divine, and James couldn’t not kiss him for it. 

Just in passing as he made his way to get a glass of water, pressing a kiss into his cheek that Regulus happily leaned into with a pleasant hum, so sweet sounding just like it was every morning when James did the exact same action. 

“Do you want some pancakes as well?” Regulus asked, turning to look at James as he made his morning glass of water (some Quidditch routines just couldn’t be broken), earning a nod from James. “Please.” He requested, though Regulus was already on adding more batter to the bowl at his side. 

Regulus liked cooking, it turns out. James had assumed as much within his first few days here– Regulus was always the one in the kitchen cooking lunch and dinner (mind you James did the dishes afterwards), but he hadn’t been sure if Regulus did it out of necessity or want. 

Effie had made sure James knew how to cook throughout his entire childhood– she always claimed that no one should ever be sent out into the world without knowing how to fully care for yours. So James was in the kitchen with his mother often, and while cooking wasn’t his favourite thing, he didn’t mind it. 

James had learned that Effie had also taught Regulus when he moved in, and unlike James– the younger boy had taken to enjoying it quite a bit. He hadn’t been allowed to learn when he was at Grimmauld Place, and it was calming. Regulus had told him it was even what helped with his comfort around Effie in the beginning– cooking together. It had given them something to talk about, something to cling to together. 

“Da, can you take me to park today?” Harry piped in from his spot at the table, looking up from his brightly coloured paper as James crossed the room and took a seat in front of the joyful toddler. 

“To the park?” James softly corrected his son’s words with a confirmation of what he was asking, to which Harry feverishly nodded. 

“To the park Da, with uncle Pads!” he added in with a blissful gleam in his eyes that James couldn’t resist smiling in response to. He loved seeing Harry happy, smiling, joyful– granted this was most of the time but it still never got old, not to James. 

“We can ask uncle Pads, sure.” James agreed rather quickly to his son’s request, he often did. Harry never asked for much, just his father’s attention which they both happily gave him. And going to the park with Harry that day was hardly a hassle, he had done it a few times over the past few weeks. They had a park close by– often leaving Regulus home for a bit of time alone. 

James liked to think it was nice for all of them, Regulus getting time to himself (usually found on the couch with a book in his lap when they returned) and time for James and Harry to be together. While Harry still hadn’t known the exact nature of James’ accident– he knew something was different in their family dynamic, and though slowly getting better, it was important for him to have one on one time with both of his parents and time with both of them together. 

“What are you colouring there Haz?” James asked the toddler, leaning over the table as the young boy began pointing out details on the paper (none necessarily distinguishable but he was only two and a half alright– he was trying). 

“Alright my little artist, time to eat.” Regulus approached the table with Harry’s plate, freshly cooled down and already cut up into bite sized pieces he could eat easier. 

“Merci Papa!” Harry squealed happily as James moved over the paper and crayons out of Harry’s way. 

“De rien mon amour.” Regulus breathed as he turned to grab two more plates for himself and James, taking his usual seat at James’ side. 

“Thank you Reg.” James smiled, placing another kiss to his cheek as Regulus settled in his seat. 

“De rien mon coeur.” Regulus hummed in response, which stunned James slightly. 

Regulus almost exclusively spoke French with Harry– it was normal, so much so James had almost gotten used to the sound. He had picked up on a few things, he knew Harry had said thank you and Regulus had told him you’re welcome my love. That’s what Regulus always called Harry, my love– even in English. 

James had also learned that frog was grenouille– only because last week it was quite literally all Harry would say instead of Froggy (who presently was placed in a chair beside Harry). But Regulus actually never used French with James– perhaps because he knew it was an added confusion to their already overly complicated life. 

And James had known Regulus said ‘You’re Welcome’, that much was easy enough. But mon.. merlin what was it cou.. Fuck. He had already forgotten exactly how it was pronounced, the accent slipped so effortlessly from both his husband and son’s lips– making James’ recollection a bit off.

“What’s that mean?” He questioned a moment later, as the family had begun eating their breakfast, earning a soft side smirk from Regulus who just shrugged simply.

‘Wouldn’t you like to know.” Regulus beamed, clearly having no intention to fill James in on the name, whatever it had meant. 

My.. 

My.. 

My something. 

Well, James supposed what he did know was enough. He was Regulus’, and exactly what didn’t quite matter. 

He would be anything his star wanted him to be. 

–

“How did we tell you?” James wandered out loud from his spot on top of a park bench, hands stuffed in his coat pockets as he looked to Sirius who sat with him at present (he had just finished running around as Padfoot with Harry). Both looking out onto the playground as Harry had made a new friend, a young girl with wild curls of hair (and that’s coming from James), and spoke far too clearly for a three year old, who’s name they had learned was Hermione Granger. 

She was a part of the program Lily had founded actually, for muggleborn children to be integrated earlier into wizarding society– usually starting at the first sign of magic, which for most was right in time to start at her Wizarding Primary School. But Hermione, well she was evidently rather exceptional for having magical spurts at only three years old (Harry had only just had small lingering signs of magic beginning). 

Her parents were also rather nice, confused about this world– but trying, with small steps, such as a playground in the wizarding world. They had briefly spoken with James and Sirius, now just a few tables down caught up in their own conversation while also watching the kids run around and play much like James and Sirius were. 

James liked to think this was good for them, to see how things weren’t wildly different– that kids still played and families were the same. That had been Lily's purpose with the program anyway, to build a bridge for these children early on and show just how similar they already were.

“Tell me what?” Sirius asked, looking over to James from where they sat side by side. 

“Me and Regulus. Last I remember before you two weren’t even speaking– how did we tell you when we started dating?” James asked, knowing he could have asked Regulus this at any point, but somethings in life were best shared between best friends he supposed. And this story in particular, he wanted from Sirius. 

“Oh Merlin– uh. You just sort of told me. Slughorn had moved him up to seventh year potions, bloody genius he is. And for seventh year you know– it’s NEWT’s so he paired us all up for the year, and you ended up with Regulus so I sort of already knew you two were spending a lot of time together. I had just assumed it was all for the project, and I was wrong.” James had known part of this story already, the way it all happened between himself and Regulus that year. But it was different hearing it from Sirius’ perspective, from someone who wasn’t directly in it. 

“And so one day, when you showed up with Regulus and sat me down– I think I knew what was coming, but I didn’t even let you explain before I left. I was really really properly pissed Prongs.” Sirius almost laughed at the words he spoke, as James furrowed his eyebrows in confusion– Sirius had left? 

“You didn’t approve?” 

“Not in the slightest, mate. I didn’t want either of you to have one another. You were both mine in some way. And me and Reg… that’s always been sort of rocky and here he was, taking my best friend away from me yaknow?” 

“Pads–” James went to assure Sirius that no one could ever take him from the other. That they were forever, never to be one without the other. 

“I know Prongs I know.” Sirius smiled at the assurance, sending James into the reminder this had already happened. This wasn’t now, this had been years ago. This had been before, seven years before. They had already lived this. 

James just didn’t remember. 

“I got over it. You didn’t stop seeing him, clearly.” Sirius’ hand motioned to Harry– who was currently looking through the telescope atop of the playset while Hermione was steering the wheel right beside it. “And it took about a week before I saw you two together, after dinner– you were talking to him in some corridor and he just laughed Prongs. Like truly, really laughed. He laughed and he was smiling and you were so happy and I just couldn’t be mad. I mean how could I? The two people I love the most in this world were falling in love with each other. I knew what that was like, to love someone. And I couldn’t imagine someone telling me I couldn’t love Moony just because of some insecurity. So I couldn’t do that to you, either of you.” 

James had known from the first day he met Sirius Black that he was going to be the most extraordinary person he would ever encounter. He had known at eleven he had found his best friend for life, the person who would always be a part of him. He had known Sirius was a good man, the best really. 

And he knew that again now. That at eleven he made the best decision he ever could. 

“Well I married him, guess you made the right call huh?” James smiled, leaning over to nudge him slightly with his shoulder, watching a bright smile spread over Sirius’ lips as he nodded before he spoke. 

“Yeah, I think I made the right call Prongs.” 

They settled into a comfortable silence, easy to be with one another, leaning on each other really as they watched Harry run around delightfully. 

James didn’t remember anything, his healers were still as clueless as they were in the beginning (they didn’t say as much but James could read between the times). But despite that, despite the fact his life prior to these last few weeks (nearly two months now), James knew whatever it had been was beautiful.

His life was the most beautiful thing. 

He had his friends, his family, his son, and a husband that made even the darkest of nights shine a bit brighter. 

“Oi Pads!” James turned to his friend as he remembered. “What does mon co.. cou.. Mon something with a c mean?” James asked, and he saw the exact moment realisation set over Sirius’ features. 

“Mon coeur?” 

“Yes!” James brightened in relief that his best friend knew what he had meant, but Sirius was just smiling– shaking his head in a knowing way. 

“Oi Sprongs!” Sirius called, catching the attention of Harry who was climbing up one of the small rock climbing steps to a slide, the young boy turning to look at Sirius with wide eyes and flushed cheeks. 

“Yes!” He called back as he got to the top, standing on the platform before the slide facing his father and uncle. 

“What does coeur mean?” Sirius asked the boy. 

And James watched as Harry processed the question, clearly not understanding where it was coming from but he wasn’t fussed either way. The boy brought his right hand up to his chest and pointed at it. 

“Heart!” Harry called back, deeming now that he had answered Sirius’ question he could go back to playing now and turned to go down the slide. 

And James tore his eyes from his son, to look at his best friend who was nodding. 

“Heart. ‘Mon coeur’ means my heart.” 

Oh. 

James liked that.

– 

“... Hush my darling, don't fear my darling… the lion sleeps tonight… u yimbube, uyimbube, uyimbube …” Regulus sang softly to the young boy whose eyes were dropping shut at the sound of his fathers voice, Froggy clenched tightly to his chest in the dimly lit room at bed time. 

“ Bonsoir mon amour.” Regulus mumbled right after he finished singing, leaning down to place a kiss atop of his son’s head, James following after with a sweet goodnight before both of them made their way quietly out of the bedroom. 

Once Harry’s door was closed, Regulus had turned and basically walked straight into James’ arms, the older boy pleasantly surprised by the closeness in the middle of their hallway. 

“Well hello you,” James smiled brightly at Regulus, letting the younger boy take ahold of his hands and basically bring them around his own waist before his hands were travelling up James’ arms till they settled around his neck. 

“Hello,” Regulus faintly smiled as he tilted his head up, James’ eyes settling on the deep green colour that had grown to be his favourite. And moments later, James was smiling into a kiss the younger had leaned up to give it. 

It was simple and sweet– a kiss just to have one. A coming together after a long day that they both needed really. 

“Cuppa?” Regulus had whispered quietly when he pulled away, their lips still mere inches from one another, breaths ghosting each other’s lips as James shook his head no once. 

“Come to bed with me?” James asked instead, not elaborating as to why he denied the cuppa that had almost become nightly routine at this point to have. But he didn’t want to sit and drink tea, he wanted to just be with Regulus. 

“You’re tired?” The younger asked, seemingly missing part of what James was asking. 

He didn’t want to just go to bed, he wanted Regulus to come with him. 

“No,” He shook his head, tightening his grip around Regulus’ waist, leaning down to peck a small kiss to his lips as he pulled the boy in closer. “Come to bed with me, in our room. No more living in the guest bedroom– come be with me.” James requested, barely above a whisper, as if he was afraid of Regulus up and disappearing at the question (and a part of him was half convinced it may just happen). 

“James…” Regulus’ voice trailed off with a sigh, and James felt him tighten his grip slightly around his neck– pulling James into him more, which he happily let him do. “And if you regret it? I mean it’s still so soon and you don’t remember and it could be too much for you right now? I mean we are together all the time anyways, and if you feel trapped in your room because of me–” Regulus was rambling, worried and rambling. 

“Our.” James cut in, watching as Regulus stopped speaking and furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “You said my room, but it’s not mine. It’s ours. Both of us.” James whispered gently, sweetly, and he could physically feel Regulus melt into him– his head dropping forward onto James’ shoulder. 

And for a moment they just simply existed there, existed in time with just one another. And it was exactly what James needed, even if he didn’t know it. To forget about life, about the world raging on outside, and just have each other. 

James didn’t quite know what life before with Regulus was like, not fully at least. He was learning now, they were settling into something together, something beautiful, but it was new. It wasn’t what it was before, and some part of him feared it never would be again. 

“I don’t want you to regret it. I don’t think I can handle it if you do.” Regulus whispered, not lifting his head up but his words went straight through James, making him want to wrap Regulus up and protect him from what has happened to them. It was unfair. Not just to James, but to his family. 

“I won’t.” James mumbled, turning his head to place a kiss onto Regulus’ head. “I want you, I want to have this life with you properly. I want it to be ours again.” 

Because James truly did. He was tired of their life not being their own. Of course he knew why it wasn’t– things were so different now. Even if he didn’t remember how it was before, he could still feel the pieces that had been broken into fragments of their past, of who they used to be. 

And James hated that his accident had taken this away from Regulus, that his loss wasn’t just his own. He could handle it if it had just unstabilized his life, but his life wasn’t just his own. He was so connected in the lives of those around him they had all been rattled from the fall, but no one more than Regulus. 

James had thought in the beginning it was Harry who had suffered the most. He was so young and couldn’t understand why things were different, why his happy life had been disrupted. And he truly knew it was hard on his son, it was no secret. But the only lucky part of it all, was the fact Harry was so young, young enough to just be happy when he got to be around his parents. So young that really, he may have known something was off– but not enough to understand it. 

Though now, after time had passed and things began to settle– he knew it was actually Regulus who suffered the most. Regulus, unlike James, was trapped with all the memories from how things were, stuck unable to forget and move on from what it was. Regulus had to bear a weight no one else did, he had to handle it in a way that was truthfully just unfair. Because while James didn’t have the memories, Regulus was trapped in them and still had to force a smile and pretend everything was okay for the sake of their son. He had to be strong for Harry, ensuring their son was okay through it all. 

Regulus, beautiful, wonderful, loving, and sweet Regulus had suffered so much in his pursuit to be strong for his family– that all James wanted to do was give him a piece of their life back. And while he couldn’t magically make himself remember (he had asked his healers), he could be good to him. He could try, offer back up some normalcy even if their lives would never truly be the same again. 

“It’s a big step James…” Regulus’ voice was muffled from his position, but James heard him clearly. 

“It is.” He agreed, knowing it was but that didn’t stop him from knowing it was the right step. “But every step is going to be a big step, and eventually we will have to take them all, Regulus, you know that. So if you want to of course, I’m saying let’s take this one. Now. Together.” James encouraged, because while he wanted it– he wanted Regulus to be comfortable in the choice as well. It was theirs to make, theirs to make together as a team. 

And Regulus slowly lifted his head from where it had rested on James’ shoulder– his dark green eyes searching out for James’ own. And for a moment neither of them spoke, Regulus was searching for something, though what James wasn’t sure. 

Perhaps for assurance, to know he was being truthful, that this was what he wanted. 

It took a moment, a moment of searching before a breath fell out of Regulus’ lips and his shoulders relaxed in acceptance and he slowly began bobbing his head up and down in a nod. 

“Yes?” James couldn’t help the smile that spread across his lips as he looked for clarity, for assurance– a bubbling excitement building inside of him. 

“Yes.”

And James kissed him for that– he just had to kiss him for that really. How could he not? His hands rising to cup Regulus’ cheeks as he surged forward, Regulus stumbling back a foot but with a happy smile on his lips that almost disrupted their kiss, but only almost. 

Settling into their room together was natural. Regulus didn’t need to actually bring anything from the guest room with him tonight– most of his stuff had remained within their bedroom to begin with besides clothes (and some of those had remained as well). 

It was actually almost a wordless exchange. A silence building around them, not awkward or from a place of unwanting, no. It settled around them as the tension set in. 

You see, every night since Valentine’s day, James would kiss Regulus goodnight at his door and they would both part with a quiet whisper of goodnight. Many nights they had both been reluctant at times, but it was a routine for them now. Something known, something that they both knew. 

But this was different– but not in a bad way, at least James didn’t think so. 

It was full of wordless exchanges, as they moved around one another– Regulus changed into his pyjamas in the bathroom while James did in the bedroom, and eventually joined Regulus once they had both finished to brush their teeth together (which James thought was rather romantic– he liked simple domesticity okay?). 

It felt familiar, once they finally slipped into bed together– the cold empty spot that James often fell asleep looking at was occupied once more. And while he had no memory of how it was, what it was to sleep next to Regulus– it felt familiar, natural. 

But the tension had still built up, still strangling between them, as if a cord was wrapping around them over and over and over again as it forced them together. And James didn’t quite know what to do with it all. 

Should he leave Regulus alone for tonight? Let him make the first move? 

That would be fair right? It was what he was supposed to do. Perhaps he was even making it all up in his head, the tension that is. Maybe it was just simply his own selfish desires. 

He hadn’t asked Regulus back into their room to shag him. That was not his endgame, not even in the slightest. All he wanted was to be close– it was as if his soul craved to be close to Regulus’.

He remembered being young, thinking about how he would find love one day and it would be so big and all consuming. It would be big and great, something straight out of a muggle film. And he liked to think his younger self would be rather proud of him now. That he had found someone great and all consuming, that he had found Regulus Black (and made him a Potter). 

He felt the touch before he saw it, a gentle graze against his hand– his eyes falling down to where Regulus’ own was gentle against his, fingertips dancing across in swept motions. It was silent, but the action spoke loudly, a ‘look at me’, ‘ pay attention to me’, ‘I’m right here’. And James, the weak man he is, slowly lifted his eyes to Regulus’ face, and it was slow after that. 

As Regulus leaned over the short distance between them and connected their lips in the comfort of their moon lit room. A soft kiss, one that took your breath away– and James instantly melted into it, his hand that had just been touched by Regulus’ moving to tug the smaller frame in closer. And Regulus, who was clearly familiar with the touch, wasted no time coming closer, so close in fact before James even knew it he was flat on his back with Regulus in his lap. 

Nothing about this was urgent, it didn’t need to be. It was slow as their hands discovered one another again– more than the touches from nights before as the sound of clothing hitting the floor with soft thuds danced around them. No words spoken– there didn’t need to be. The beauty of soft moans and whimpers were music the walls had nearly forgotten, but it settled in between them the way James supposed it always would have before.

Hands touched, and clothes fell– and two lovers connected completely for the first time in memory. 

And James Potter– no. 

And James Black-Potter knew it then, as they laid together afterwards, limbs tangled in the warmth of one another– that it was real. 

More than real in fact. 

He was in love. 

Chapter Text

“James,” Regulus couldn’t help but whimper in the dim morning light from the moon still hanging in the sky seeping through the window into their bedroom, a cast of blue illuminating the duvet that had now sunk to the end of the bed. Another layer the couple had deemed unnecessary. 

“Shhh baby, you’re okay, I’ve got you.” James’ voice was soft and breathless– and if anything it made it all worse because he was just so fucking attractive. What was Regulus supposed to do with that? How was he supposed to stay quiet and not fall victim to the heavenly touch of James Potter? 

It was so early that the sun had yet to even think of rising - neither of them needed to be up for hours even with their son sleeping just down the hall. And to be fair, they had slept. Regulus actually couldn’t completely recall exactly how they had gotten here. 

Who had woken up first? 

Who had leaned in first? 

Whose  hands had shed the first layer?

Oh well, he supposed it didn’t matter– because currently he was completely and utterly lost in his husband and he certainly wasn’t going to let his mind wander to the logistics of it all. 

It had been just a few days (three days to be exact) since Regulus moved back into their bedroom, days since they first connected like this since the accident– and it was truthfully as if neither of them could get enough. 

James had taken time to relearn all the things he once knew of Regulus’ body, things forgotten but not taken away. And James had been eager to learn them all again–  it seemed to be coming rather naturally, though perhaps his body could never quite forget just how perfectly they fit together. 

Regulus, while he didn’t have to relearn James,  did have to back track to the early stages of their relationship, before they had both figured one another out; before they knew each other’s bodies as well as their own. Mostly because this James still didn’t know all of those things about himself yet, and Regulus figured it best to take it slow, introduce new things gradually instead of all at once (and selfishly he hoped he never would have to and James would just remember it all himself). 

But right now he didn’t need to introduce anything because James was here, and everywhere– and Regulus possibly couldn’t remember his own name if someone asked him. 

Now he was simply lost in his husband’s touch– unable to tell where he ended and James began, and, for them, that was all they needed. 

And some time later, after soft moans and finishes,– when cleansing charms had been cast and clothes lazily thrown back on, they curled up together to sleep for a few more hours. 

Regulus supposed that even if his life was much different now, it was okay. This was perfect. 

–

“Papa!” 

“Papa!”

The little voice of Harry called out rather softly, and less than seconds apart– clearly impatient this morning. Regulus, who certainly could have rolled back over and slept for a few more hours, found himself turning out of his husband's arms to stretch for a moment before moving to get out of bed and travel down the hall to get his son. 

“No no,” James mumbled beside him when he sat up, rolling onto his back as he shook his head up at Regulus, who turned to look down at him with a lazy look of amusement. 

“Harry’s up–” Regulus went to explain, but James quickly leaned up and kissed him in one fluid motion that sent Regulus rocking backwards from the force alone. Cutting off any chance of explanation he was able to give to his husband. 

“I got him, stay here.” James spoke as soon as he pulled away, before placing a quick peck to his lips again before he was up and out of bed– leaving Regulus in the same spot watching him in confusion. 

It wasn’t as if James had never gotten Harry up -  he had several times even just within the time he’s been home full time since his accident. But it was primarily Regulus’ thing– he liked getting Harry up and out of bed. He liked having time with his son that was routined within their day, and before, when James was playing Quidditch, Regulus got Harry up himself every day alone because they couldn’t risk him seeing James in the morning. 

They learned after the first few times when James wanted to see Harry in the morning before he left that Harry was not having it. If he saw James, he wanted James. And he would spend most of the morning after James inevitably had to leave screaming and crying for him to come back– only soothed once he napped and woke up again, this time to only Regulus. 

Thus the routine was born. 

But Harry certainly never minded them breaking it, even now as James left their bedroom, leaving the door open just as another soft ‘Papa!’ came through. Regulus immediately heard the excitement in their toddler's voice when James opened the door. 

“Da!” Harry’s squeal echoed all the way down the hall and Regulus couldn’t help but smile at it. 

As long as Harry was happy– so was he. 

So Regulus waited, because James told him to stay here. Sitting up in bed with his elbows on his knees looking towards the open door, just grateful to be living this life. To have this all to himself. 

A life his younger self never could have even dreamt of having. He wouldn’t have believed the possibility of ever getting to live such a simple life but here he was. And this was simple. He had practically begged James for a simple life (not that he needed to). He didn’t want to live in the city centre anymore. He didn’t want to make appearances in Pureblood society. He didn’t want to be a family name. 

Regulus had just wanted to live.

And so, James made it happen. He bought them a house outside of the city, made sure no one bothered them with societal events that weren’t their friends or Quidditch related. James painted walls and built furniture by hand with Regulus so they could feel as though their home was of their own making. James gave Regulus a son, the brightest part of their lives. And instead of making Regulus be another family name, he created a new one together that was just theirs. Always theirs. 

And now, when James entered their bedroom just moments later, this time with Harry in his arms (not yet changed out of his pyjamas but that could be resolved later), Regulus just felt complete. 

“Papa! Regarde ce que Da m’a donné!” Harry happily told Regulus as James set him down on their bed– the toddler quickly crossed the distance to climb into Regulus’ lap (with Froggy clenched tightly under his arm). 

“Je vois bien ça. Bonjour, mon loulou.” Regulus smiled, looking at his son with a smile as he moved his hands to brush some of his messy hair out of his face as the bed dipped beside him as James took his spot at their side.

“Bonjour!” Harry chanted as he leaned himself up against Regulus’ chest, completely comfortable laying whichever way at any given moment on either of his parents (oh the joys of being so little). 

“Did you sleep well?” Regulus ended up speaking in English to the boy so James could be a bit more included in the conversation. James had picked up on a few things in French, less than he used to have.  While his husband was never  fluent by any means, between hearing Regulus and Harry speak it every day - and occasionally Sirius - he had picked up on a few things over the years. 

Though Regulus never actually wanted James to learn French, even if he preferred the language, he liked speaking normally in English with James. He’s obviously not against it if James wanted to learn, but he would never push the idea onto him. In the same way James had never expected Regulus to learn Hindi or Urdu, though Regulus had also picked up on a few things over the years. 

“Yeah! Froggy too.” Harry informed, bringing the stuffed frog to sit in his own lap. 

“Oh Froggy slept well too?” James asked in amusement, looking at Harry as he brought a hand to Regulus’ back gently. 

“Yes, Da, that’s what I say.” The young boy confirmed with a firm nod, sending Regulus into a slight fit of laughter as he shook his head and wrapped his arms around the toddler holding him close. 

He knew it wasn’t necessarily funny, some would even view it as disrespectful– but Harry was only two and a half, he hadn’t meant it in any sort of disrespectful manner. He was just quite frankly telling James that was what he said. And it was rather hilarious if you asked Regulus so, he would laugh. Plus it made Harry squirm in his arms in a happy delight. 

“Yeah, Da. That’s what he say.” Regulus mocked his son's words and how he spoke, finding it rather adorable, and for being so young, Harry spoke very well. It only made sense that a few words slipped through the cracks and weren’t perfect. 

“Oh ha ha.” James playfully rolled his eyes as Regulus looked over to him with a happy grin, pleased with how their morning was already turning out. 

It was the simple moments that brought the most joy anyhow. 

“Can we go to the Park, Da? With Mione and Ron? ” Harry asked, looking up to James from his spot still securely in Regulus’ arms where he was more than happy to keep him for as long as he could. 

“Not today, my love,” Regulus intervened before James could even answer, watching a small frown take over Harry’s lips as he worked to turn in Regulus’ arms to face him instead. 

“Pourquoi?” Harry asked with a soft pout, not arguing but just curious, his head tipping to the side as he did so.

“Because we are going to see Uncle Evan and Barty today, don’t you want to see them?” Regulus asked the toddler, with a smile on his lips at the thought alone. Always happy to give Harry an explanation for why they couldn’t always do some things.

His best friends were finally back in the country since their wedding and Regulus was practically itching to see them. They had only arrived late two days ago, and spent most of yesterday sleeping off all the travels as one does after a long trip. And that meant that today, Regulus was going to see them with both James and Harry– as well as several of the others he was pretty sure. But he didn’t care about anyone else, as long as he got to see them. 

So much had happened since they left, primarily James’ accident and while Regulus knew they would have travelled home if he asked– he didn’t want to disrupt their honeymoon when he had plenty of amazing friends here that were a big help. 

And besides, things were going pretty well with James as is. He handled it all rather well and only with an abundance of meltdowns, it was fine. 

“Barty!” Harry squealed, practically launching himself full force against Regulus’ chest with wide and curious eyes. Though due to lack of being prepared for such a force, Regulus fell back into the bed with Harry on top of him, still squirming in curiosity, not at all focused on the slight change in position. 

“Yeah Barty, and Evan too. I think Uncle Peter may be there too.” Regulus mused to the two year old, who seemed very, very pleased with this information. 

“Barty!” Harry always loved to spend time with Evan and Barty, but Barty had very quickly fallen victim to Harry’s antics and gave the toddler quite literally anything he wanted. 

And despite the fact his uncles had been gone for the past few months, Harry certainly remembered that detail as he basically bounced in excitement on Regulus’ chest. His hair falling wild across his face (Regulus had tried to talk him into a haircut but he insisted that his hair needed to be long like Sirius’). 

“Barty! Barty! Barty!” Harry echoed, and Regulus could feel the rumble of James’ chest in laughter from beside him in bed– clearly amused from their son’s behaviour as well. 

“Hey Haz,” James added in, causing the toddler to look over to his father, though still firmly sat on top of Regulus. “I think Uncle Moony may be coming too.” James added in soft amusement– and Harry was beaming with excitement. 

“Moon! Moon and Barty! Let’s go, we go now.” Harry beamed, turning his little body to scurry off of Regulus, ever the impatient child. 

“Hé- attend, mon loulou.” Regulus reached over, grabbing ahold of the boy and pulling him back in. Harry, still as happy as ever, squealing and rolling around in Regulus’ grip as Regulus rolled over onto his other side and facing James– their son now in between them. 

 
“Papa–” Harry giggled, looking at Regulus with furrowed eyebrows that only amused his parents. 

“We have to have some breakfast first Harry,” Regulus reminded, James nodding along as the young boy suddenly stopped his squirming– as if remembering breakfast existed for the first time that morning. 

“Can we have crisps for breakfast?” Harry asked a moment later, causing Regulus to roll his eyes and raise an eyebrow at his son. 

“Crisps aren’t a breakfast food.” 

“They are if you have them for breakfast.” Harry insisted without missing a beat, leaving Regulus momentarily shocked and James bursting into an immediate fit of laughter. The sound echoed around the room, and for a moment Regulus found himself drawn to the sound of it. 

There had always been something magical in James’ laugh. It was warm and bright, inviting you to listen to the sound in a way that was irresistible. A sound that could lure you to your death if given the chance. But it never would, because it’s James’, and James is good. And the delightful sound only grew when Harry joined in, a smaller fit of laughter from the toddler who looked to James in complete and utter admiration. 

“That’s all you.” Regulus grumbled, narrowing his eyes at James though he too couldn’t resist a grin. 

Harry was truly all James. The young boy not only looked strikingly like his father; but he also picked up many of James’ mannerisms. He admired his father, always rushing to James when he got home or bouncing in excitement at his Quidditch matches. And while logically Regulus knew Harry was very much like him as well, his heart saw the similarities between James and Harry much more. 

Perhaps because they were the two people he loved the most in this world. 

“What do you say Haz?” James laughed through his words, reaching over to wrap his arms around Harry who wiggled around happily, “Are you like Da or Papa?” James mused to the toddler. 

And as if in deep thought, Harry let out a loud hum as he wiggled himself onto James’ chest, bringing one of his hands to rub his chin in a thoughtful motion that was rather adorable– enough to make both of his fathers glance to one another in amusement. “I’m like Harry!” He decided on, in a way that made Regulus’ heart fill with happiness. 

Harry was like Harry. That was exactly what he needed to be, and he was so very perfectly Harry. He would never have to be anything other than that. 

Regulus remembers what it’s like to try and be someone else, to conform for the sake of your family– he did it for seventeen years. And he swore that Harry would never have to do such a thing. 

He was just a toddler now, but carefree and happy. Harry didn’t have to worry about appearances or fitting a family image. He wasn’t shoved into widely uncomfortable outfits and made to sit for hours to have a portrait done (Regulus vividly remembered the hassle of doing such a thing around Harry’s age and Sirius begging him to just sit still). 

“Yeah buddy,” James seemed to feel just as much love due to the toddler's response, bringing a hand to brush across Harry’s cheek, “you’re our Harry huh?” 

“Da and Papa’s Harry!” Harry cheered, leaning his face into James’ hand happily, squishing his cheek into his fathers hand. “And Harry’s Da.” Harry pointed to James, and then to Regulus, “And Harry’s Papa.” 

Regulus knew it was simple, a child’s love for their parents. It was unconditional, it didn’t matter to Harry that his parents weren’t perfect, in his mind as long as they were there– it was more than enough. Because they were his, the two faces he’s seen the most in his life, the two people he crawls into bed with after a night terror and played with all of his toys with him. 

But just because it was simple didn’t mean it didn’t absolutely make Regulus’ heart feel as though it would explode out of his chest when Harry rambled about the smallest things. Because he and James are Harry’s. They would always be. 

The only person in the world Regulus ever felt like was his for a long time, was Sirius. His parents weren’t his, they weren’t there, not really— they would go days at a time without seeing mother, even longer without seeing father. Left in the care of governesses and nanny’s. 

And while that was something, having his brother— he always wanted more for Harry, for the young boy to never be touched by the horrors of the world. Though he may not be able to protect him forever, he can certainly protect him now. 

So, the family eventually made their way out of bed, after a few more minutes of laying in bed together and snuggling– headed into the kitchen where they enjoyed a breakfast together (not crisps, despite Harry’s attempts to sway that decision). And for the last time that day, everything was perfect  as it should be. 

– 

“Have they always been like this?” Regulus whispered leaning over the arm of the sofa he was currently sitting in, eyes glued to the scene before him with furrowed eyebrows. 

“I mean… they got on fine before but this? It’s like seventh year all over again.” Barty whispered back, leaning over the arm of the chair he was in, and Regulus could tell he was watching in the same way he was. Confused. 

“Should we intervene?” 

“Do you want to go and break that up?” 

“Well no…” 

“It’s your husband!” 

“It’s yours too!” 

“Da! Papa and Barty are fighting again!” It was Harry, who had been practically using Barty as a jungle gym from the moment they came through the floo, who ultimately broke up the situation the two had been simultaneously observing together. 

Though the sound of the toddler's voice seemed to be perhaps the only thing that would have broken up the very long interaction James has been having with Evan for the last forty-five minutes. Both of them turned their heads to look at Regulus and Barty who immediately looked anywhere but. 

“Regulus,” Came James’ taunting voice, earning a small barely audible gasp to leave his lips as he then snapped his head to look at his husband in sheer disbelief.

“I didn’t do anything!” Regulus quickly insisted, because he didn’t. 

It wasn’t his fault that James and Evan got so wrapped up in one another that they seemingly forgot about their husbands. It should have been expected, Evan had always sort of fallen weak to the charm of James Potter. From the first time that Regulus properly introduced James as his boyfriend, Evan Rosier was befriending him. 

It wasn’t as if Evan wasn’t inherently friendly, he truly was. He was easy to talk to, a great conversationalist (because he knew at least one thing about everything it seemed), and rather extroverted. But Evan made friends with everyone, but not the way he did with James. 

It seemed as though the two of them just connected on a different level, they understood one anothers need to never live in a moment of silence (James more than Evan but still). And it seemed as though they never ran out of things to say to one another. 

Much like now. 

Regulus, James, and Harry had arrived at the Rosier household (that’s right, Barty happily tossed away his surname in the light of marriage) just short of two hours ago, and James and Evan had been attached ever since it seems. 

Harry had bounced between Evan and Barty for the first fifteen minutes, before settling on staying with Barty (Regulus thinks this has to do with the minimal mental age gap between the two of them sometimes but James says he isn’t supposed to say that out loud anymore). And James, who seemingly had been a bit nervous before they arrived, settled in fairly quickly into easy conversation with Evan and eventually left his spot at Regulus’ side. 

While Regulus had wanted to be with both of his best friends, he soon only found Barty was focusing on him in between spurts of Harry (which Regulus was very content just watching), And it had all been fine, because Regulus had assumed eventually James and Evan would run out of things to talk about.

He was wrong.

Since they had arrived, so had Peter Pettigrew (along with his new girlfriend Sybill Trelawney), Marlene and Dorcas, Pandora, Luna, and Xenophilius. Lily and Mary plan to make an appearance later on today, as did Remus and Sirius. So logically, Regulus had assumed he would get his husband and friend back from one another at some point (wrong again). 

It had happened rather quickly, the way their respective friend groups somehow merged into one. Regulus knew most of the credit had to go to Marlene and Dorcas— both of whom had insisted on everyone going out together on multiple different occasions. But then there was the matter of Sirius, who likely wouldn’t have followed if James hadn’t been there, and James followed because Regulus did. Truly it was a circle, unsuspecting individuals becoming one single group all together. 

And Regulus wouldn’t have it any other way. 

Well, aside from the fact that he would love for his husband to not just focus on Evan, but. 

“Barty,” Evan came next, matching the same tone that James had used on Regulus. 

“I–” Barty gaped, looking between Evan, James, and Regulus, lips parted and eyebrows furrowed. “Harry, why would you tell them that?” Barty looked down to Harry, who was now climbing over Barty’s lap and the arm of the chair he was in, and over the arm of the sofa Regulus was in, straight into his fathers lap. 

“Cause is true.” Harry shrugged, plopping himself right down onto Regulus’ lap as if he had not just ratted him out to James. 

“Yeah Crouch, is true.” Dorcas piped in from the other side of the room, the open floor plan of Evan and Barty’s apartment giving everyone plenty of room to spread out, though still all be in one room. 

“Fuck you Meadows, and it’s Rosier.” Barty snapped with no real bite, actually seemingly rather smug about being able to make the correction (Regulus knew the feeling, he loved tacking on the Potter to his name). 

“Fuc-” Harry went to repeat, because he’s a toddler and that’s what he does– but Regulus’ eyes widened and he brought a finger to his son’s lips, shushing him gently. 

“Barty!” Regulus, James, Evan, and Peter all scolded at the same time, while Dorcas and Marlene were all covering their mouths to hold in a laugh. 

It wasn’t as if Harry hadn’t repeated curse words before, Regulus and James were admittedly not the best at ridding them from their vocabulary– and Regulus knows for a fact Sirius had spent an entire afternoon teaching Harry an assortment of them before. 

But they weren’t trying to have them become common words or phrases their son used. They got enough odd looks as is for being such young parents when they were out, least of all did they need people judging them even more for the fact their nearly three year old us running around singing curses like a show tune. 

“It’s just a word,” Pandora echoed, their voice soft and wispy from their place on the other end of the sofa with Luna asleep sounding in her mothers arms. Xeno sat on the floor in front of Pandora, leaned back against his partner's legs. 

“Thank you! Just a word,” Barty took the opportunity for his innocence, arms crossed with a firm nod of insistence. 

“Sure, give me Luna and I can teach her a lot of words than Dora.” Regulus sarcastically mumbled, to which he knew Pandora actually wouldn’t care. They were very carefree, lightweight and relaxed when it came to trivial things such as words or appearances– actually, Regulus was sure Pandora had been the first person to come out as non-binary during their time at Hogwarts. Never worried about social norms (which thankfully have been adjusting drastically over the past few years), and were so unapologetically themself that no one could truly question or break down who they were. 

“Here,” Pandora went to lean over, Luna not minding the rock in her mothers arms– as Pandora happily went to pass her on. 

And Regulus would have taken her, even leaned forward to do just that, not for the sarcastic purpose of this conversation of course, but because he loved any time with his goddaughter. Though his son had other ideals, huffing and almost roughly pushing himself against Regulus’ chest to prevent the movement. “Non.” 

“Harry.” Regulus sighed, tilting his head down to look at the visibly pouting toddler, “Tu peux me laisser prendre Luna, s’il te plaît?” 

“Non.” Harry firmly stated, arms crossed as he leaned all of his body weight on Regulus. 

“Why don’t you go to Da?” Regulus decided to suggest, looking up to James who was closely watching the interaction, and automatically nodded at the suggestion. 

“Yeah, why don’t you come sit with me and Uncle Evan Haz?” James attempted, but Harry was stubborn– and jealous, and shook his head firmly. Regulus could hear Barty snort a laugh beside him and resisted the urge to roll his eyes. 

James and Regulus had been trying to get Harry not to be so jealous when it came to other children having their attention for almost a year now really, though Harry had yet to let up. It was only with the two of them, he never minded when anyone else focused on the other kids in the group– never bat an eye when Sirius played with Caroline, or when Peter had Luna. But the second either of his parents attempted such a task, it seemed to fuel a fit of jealousy. 

“Non, j’en veux pas de Da.” Harry huffed. 

“Okay, James– could you take Luna for me then?” Pandora, who was familiar with the fact they had been attempting to break this pattern, stepped in. And James, with a small nod from Regulus, moved to do just that. 

“Of course–” 

“No!” Harry disregarded Regulus now, nearly throwing himself off the sofa face first in attempts to get to James. 

“Hey no no,” Regulus caught the young boy (because the last thing they needed was Harry hurting himself), hands gentle around his front as he steadied the toddler back in his lap. “You said you don’t want Da right now, so he is going to hold Luna for Pandora okay?” Regulus attempted to explain, but Harry wiggled around in his arms as tears gathered in his eyes as James did in fact take Luna from Pandora. 

“Non!” 

“Haz,” 

“Da!” 

“Hey hey, come here mein Schatz.” It was Marlene who intervened, standing up from the table she was sitting around in previous conversation, making her way across the room and opening her arms up to Harry. 

“Nein.” Harry, who seemed to know the word no in every language any of them spoke, shook his head as he recoiled back into Regulus but still attempted to get to James by leaning in his direction with open hands. 

“Beta–” 

“Nahi Da!” 

James sighed, still gently rocking the sleeping Luna in his arms. Which if it weren’t for the toddler in his arms, would have had Regulus a swooning mess. James always looked so relaxed with children, as if it were the most natural thing in the world– and for him it was. 

“Oi, nein. Komm her.” Marlene, shaking her head– somehow got Harry, who now had a few tears streaming down his cheeks from frustration, to lift his arms and allow her to pick him up. 

Marlene was good with Harry, always had been. Even if she didn’t particularly care for the maternal role in life, she was great at it. Regulus assumes it's because she doesn't take the time to think, she just does. She’s simple and caring, and it’s almost subconscious to put your faith into Marlene Mckinnon– like your soul automatically just knows that she is a safe place. 

“Someone has got to stop teaching that kid all these languages.” Barty mumbled, earning a laugh from Xenophilius, Evan, and Peter as Marlene carried the fussy toddler (who probably was more easily agitated due to his lack of an afternoon nap so far), back to the table where Dorcas, Sybill, and Peter were still sat. 

“He doesn’t know German, he’s only picked up on a few things Marlene has said around him.” Regulus, for no real reason other than force of habit, argued back with Barty. “He only knows French and English fluently, and a mix of Hindi and Urdu.” 

“He’s three–” 

“Two and a half.” James cut in, moving to sit in the middle of Regulus and Pandora on the sofa and carefully placing Luna in his lap where she still fit rather comfortably– she was only a few months younger than Harry but was still rather small. 

“Same thing–” 

“Not the same mate,” Xeno added in, shaking his head in a knowing way. “That would be like us saying Luna and Harry are the same age, every month at this point in their lives are full of major developments. And while Harry does extraordinarily well in some things, he shouldn’t be progressed quicker just for the sake of conversational comfort when he doesn’t yet possess some of the developments of a three year old.” Xenophilius studied muggle psychology, finding it much more fascinating than any wizarding job– and even if Regulus didn’t quite understand what he meant all the time, he had an appreciation for the study. 

“I–” James gaped, clearly a bit confused (perhaps because he had only intended to argue the point of Harry’s age due to the parental denial of a child growing up), though he hadn’t actually interacted much with Xenophilius prior to his marriage to Pandora. 

None of them had actually, the previous Malfoy was rather quiet and kept to himself until along came the blazing force that is Pandora Lovegood– and they rattled Xeno’s life in all of the best ways it seems. They understood one another, fit together like two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. And they completed each other in all the ways two people in love should, effortlessly. 

Besides, Xenophilius Lovegood sounded far better than Xenophilius Malfoy. 

“Pandora, get your husband. He’s confusing me again.” Barty crossed his arms, sinking into his seat as Pandora just shrugged with a content hum, running their fingers through Xeno’s hair from where he remained in front of them. 

“I think it’s hot.” Pandora shrugged. 

“Children– my child included – are in this room. No.” Regulus leaned past James slightly to point his finger at his blonde best friend, only to earn a cheeky smile and shrug in return. 

“As if you aren’t worse.” Pandora snickered.

“My husband is holding your child right now! I haven’t done anything!” 

“Have to.” 

“Have not!” 

“Merlin fuck– we are never having kids.” Evan mumbled, walking over and plopping himself down onto Barty’s lap, “dealing with those two is enough.” 

“Hey!” Regulus and Pandora echoed at the same time, both clearly off put by the insinuation. 

“He’s not wrong.” Barty pointed a finger between the both of them. “We’ve raised you two and all you do is fight and be ungrateful,” Barty tsked at them, as Evan nodded in agreement silently. 

“That’s weird.” Dorcas, who had gotten up in the midst of the chaos, leaving the table where it seemed Marlene was playing hot wheels with Harry while he sat in her lap (much calmer) while Peter pointed and asked questions about the cars Harry had chosen to play with, cut into the conversation. 

“What is?” Evan questioned as Dorcas sat in her most true and comfortable form– laying down on the carpet. 

“Barty raising Regulus– seeing he used to fuck him.” 

“Dorcas!” Regulus hissed, not having anticipated such a blunt response, especially not about that. 

“It’s true–”

“Wait? I’m sorry? What? ” James cut in, shaking his head and holding a hand out as if pausing the conversation. “ What? ” 

And Regulus sort of felt his heart sink, dropping to the pit of his stomach in a way that made him instantly want to vomit. It wasn’t as if he had purposely kept this from James, because James knew. 

Barty had been Regulus’ first boyfriend, most of his fifth year where they stumbled over what it meant to be in a real relationship. And yes, they had slept together– Barty had been the first and only other person Regulus had ever been with other than James. It was common knowledge amongst their friends, and James had known. 

Except for the fact Regulus had informed James of this particular relationship seven years ago. 

Seven years in which James didn’t remember a single thing. 

“Er–” Regulus made a small sound of discontentment, because now was certainly not the place to be having this conversation. 

“You didn’t tell him?” Barty jerked to sit forward, the chair he was in rocking forward causing Evan to yelp as he almost fell straight out of it. 

“You didn’t tell me?” James echoed the question, and Regulus groaned– bringing his hands to his face and surging forward til his forehead rested against his knees. 

“I forgot!” He mumbled, which was true. 

Sure, the relationship happened– but Regulus didn’t often think about it. Barty was just his friend. He had been just his friend for years now, years in which they had both gotten married during. Happily married. 

“Forgot?” James questioned, his voice loose and almost breathless. 

“Yes,” Regulus confessed, turning his head to the side to look up to James to see the echo of hurt and confusion lingering in the honey brown of his eyes. “You knew before! I mean obviously you knew before and it just wasn’t something we ever talked about? We don’t talk about how you slept with that Hufflepuff most of your fifth year even if we both know it happened!” Regulus whined in defence, because he didn’t want to be defending himself. 

And to be fair, he could tell James wasn’t mad at him. He was just confused and hurt, caught off guard with new information presented so bluntly because everyone knew. 

Everyone had known. 

“Tracy Abbott?” James, for some unknown reason, questioned as if they both didn’t know the answer. 

“Tracy Abbott–” Regulus couldn’t help but mockingly say the name, even if he knew the girl had absolutely nothing to do with him (and he was the one who got James so it didn’t quite matter). “Yes, unless there is another Hufflepuff that you have failed to mention to me for the last seven years in which case we will need to be having an entirely different discussion right now.” Regulus didn’t mean to be sarcastic, though sometimes it just came out mockingly. 

“Tracy Abbott isn’t around our son all the time.” 

“Yeah exactly, our son.” 

“You didn’t tell me about your past with Barty.” 

“Because it doesn’t matter anymore–” 

“It matters to me.” 

“It was like, almost nine years ago James.” 

“Oi! Okay– reminder that Barty is right here!” Barty chimed in, causing both of them to turn to look at him as he waved his hands around. “As lovely as it is to be a topic of conversation, can I just say, James–” Barty paused, tilting his head with a small shrug. “You did know mate. And it’s really not something any of us think about often. Thanks for that Dorcas.” Barty directed, to which Dorcas gave an awkward smile and thumbs up to. “But you knew, and you still decided to be our friends anyway. Seeing you came to my wedding. Because I’m married. And so are you. So a relationship from when we were fifteen doesn’t really bring in much focus any more– seeing you know. We’re all married. And you two have a child. ” 

Barty wasn’t harsh as he spoke, truly he was rather gentle with his tone and just how he presented the blunt words, but he was right. And it wasn’t often that Barty pulled himself out of his normal joking and carefree behaviour to offer a simple explanation. But this situation wasn’t normal, it was far from it. 

In no universe should someone forget their family, their life, the way it’s all intertwined. 

But James did. 

“I didn’t mean to keep it from you,” Regulus mumbled, turning his head from Barty to look back at James, eyes soft because he knew this situation was hard enough on James– he didn’t need Regulus making it worse. 

“I know–” James cut himself off, shoulders dropping as he looked at Regulus– “I know. I do. It's just,” he paused with a sigh, looking for words he didn’t quite understand. “It caught me off guard.” 

“If it helps, you’re reacting now far better than you did the first time. I think you glared at Barty every time he breathed for the first three months after you found out.” Dorcas pointed out, a light hearted comment that earned a groan from Barty and a laugh from Evan and Pandora. 

“That’s true– you were bloody awful. I swear you spent every moment of the first week just asking Regulus to switch dorms.” Evan laughed, amusement clear in his tone (he had found it hilarious when it happened– and seems the thought of it also sparked a similar response). 

“I did?” James furrowed his eyebrows, confusion written all over his face. 

“No.” Regulus went to assure, at the same moment everyone else echoed a “Yes.” 

James had asked Regulus to switch dorms once, when he first found out about the nature of his and Barty’s previous relationship and realised that they were still in fact dormmates and not just friends. But it had only happened once, and as soon as Regulus told him no– James dropped it. 

Though he did grow tense every time he saw Barty there after for the first few months just on the principal– the two of them taking longer to get to a place of friendship. But they have been long past that, seeing as they were both happily married and nothing more came of it. 

James’ confusion only seemed to grow, his wide eyes bouncing around the room– and in that moment Regulus could see exactly where Harry got it from. The look so familiar, so real. 

“They’re exaggerating,” Regulus assured, hand reaching out to grab ahold of James’ hand that wasn’t helping support Luna. “You asked maybe once and pouted a bit– it wasn’t anything major, they’re fucking with you.” 

James, though still looking rather unconvinced, did loosen up a bit, his shoulders relaxing as he laced their fingers together and clung rather tightly to Regulus’ hand. Which Regulus just squeezed back in response, a silent reminder that everything was alright. 

It should have been expected really, James being overwhelmed by too much information at one time– Regulus had known group meetings were far more difficult for James to keep up during, but his mind didn’t really seem to fully grasp it all through the excitement of it all. 

“Hey,” Regulus whispered as the others slipped into easy conversation, nudging James slightly as he looked to meet his eyes, and James didn’t require any convincing to turn his attention towards Regulus. “Calm down,” Regulus spoke softly, so only James could really hear him, leaning forward a bit to rest his chin on James’ shoulder– their faces close but not touching. 

“I am calm.” James matched his tone, though with a wavering uncertainty. 

“James,” Regulus breathed the same with a soft smile before giving a slight shake of the head. “I can tell when you’re getting overwhelmed, but you’re okay here. No one is judging you.” He offered to his husband gently, a reassurance of the truth. 

Everyone knew that James didn’t remember (aside from Harry but that was a completely different story). No one was judging him, no one would. 

“I didn’t even know you had–” James mumbled the half phrase in defeat, which Regulus immediately hated. 

“Non mon coeur, hey, look at me..” Regulus breathed, leaning in the short distance between their faces and placing one simple kiss onto his lips as if it would fix it all. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you again, I didn’t think about it. I never do. Only ever think of you.” Regulus mumbled the assurance, because for him– there was just James. 

For him, it feels as though it has always only been James. 

“I’m not mad Reg.” James echoed back, leaning his forehead against Regulus’ in the warmth of proximity. “It really just caught me off guard, and just the idea of you and someone else–” James shook his head as Regulus let out a soft breath. 

“Never anyone else but you, James Potter. Always you.” Regulus assured, three words lingering on the tip of his tongue but unable to be spoken. Not yet. 

Regulus has felt the weight of the words, of the simple phrase. I love you. How stupidly simple and small, only to be so real and big. He had been feeling the weight of them every day, the urge to just say it— because it was true. 

Regulus loved James. And his soul ached to tell him, as if the reminder would somehow be enough, as if it would in some way soothe the wounds left from the accident if James just knew. 

Perhaps he did know, it wasn’t necessarily a secret. Regulus loved James, the fact James had loved Regulus. They were married and had a baby together. But Regulus hadn’t been able to bring himself to actually say it. It was one thing to have James as he does now, to be able to kiss him and sleep next to him— but James had yet to properly have a moment of truly feeling what happened to him. The last thing Regulus wanted to do was send him spiralling down into it. 

“Always me?” James asked with a quiet hopefulness, a hope for reassurance which Regulus was happy to give him. 

“Always,” Regulus confirmed, feeling a soft breath escape James’ lips before he was tilting his head up and capturing Regulus’ lips in a soft kiss. 

It wasn’t much of anything. Regulus, regardless of how much he loved kissing his husband, never would allow for a major display of affection in front of all their friends. He preferred when things were just theirs— and this would have been, if not for the force suddenly colliding into Regulus’ legs. 

“Papa! Papa! Look!” Harry, in much brighter spirits, bound his way directly to Regulus, running straight into his legs as he scurried himself up into his lap on the sofa with absolutely no care of anything else. 

“Haz,” Regulus slightly warned, not because he was upset with his son for coming over, but because Harry was still rather small, and had absolutely no care for his own safety that came with climbing up onto a sofa. Regulus’ hands coming up under Harry’s arms to help him up without the risk of a downward fall. “Careful little one.”

“Syb made my truck purple Papa! Look, look!” Harry, with absolutely no concern for his safety, held out one of the trucks he had been playing with at the table for Regulus to see, which was in fact purple. 

“Oh did she? That’s so nice, did you tell her thank you?” Regulus asked, raising an eyebrow at his son, knowing it was a simple colour changing spell but for a toddler it was everything. 

Though by the way Harry’s expression dropped, his mouth forming a soft little ‘o’ shape and his eyes growing wide– it was apparent that he had not told Sybill thank you for changing his toy truck for him. And Harry wouldn’t get in trouble for forgetting such a thing (he was two and a half, he wouldn’t do things perfectly every time). But they did want to raise their son with manners and knowing when to be polite to someone, just not in the way the Black family had instilled into Regulus and Sirius as children. So, instead of verbally correcting Harry, Regulus simply tilted his head as if reiterating his question and, within seconds, Harry was scurrying down from his lap to run back to the table to tell Sybill  thank you. 

But, in the quick movement of him slipping down from Regulus’ lap, he did end up bumping into James’ leg right beside him, which– despite being a slight movement– did end ended up disturbing Luna enough that the young girl let out a soft whine, bringing her hands up to her face and fiercely rubbing her eyes as a few cries began slipping through her lips. 

“Oh no, it’s alright Luna.” James cooed gently, lifting the young girl up and letting her fall forward into his chest as she fussed, clearly still tired as she squirmed in James’ arms. 

“I’ve got her mate, don’t worry.” Xenophilius moved to stand up from his place, opening his hands up to James to take his daughter from him, and Regulus watched as James gently passed the girl over to her father– Luna turning to hide her head in Xeno’s chest the same way she had James’. Still squirming around to try and get comfortable to sleep, though in the familiar embrace settled in quite nicely and eventually let out a soft content sigh as she settled into her fathers arms. 

“Sorry about that,” James sheepishly apologised, his cheeks a light glaze of pink that Regulus could quickly recognize after years of seeing the colouration. It wasn’t as if James were embarrassed per say, but their son and his endless bounds of energy had just woken up a peacefully sleeping toddler so. 

“Don’t be, kids will be kids.” Xeno shrugged it off, rocking Luna softly as he moved a few paces back and forth in the room, a pleased and peaceful look on Pandora’s face as they watched the two, not that Regulus could blame them.

As he’s said before, seeing the love of your life as a parent… life changing, something that never grew old– something magical. If you asked Regulus, he’d even say it’s more magical than the actual magic that courses through each of them. 

“Said thanks!” Harry bombarded himself back over to James and Regulus, wiggling his way back up into Regulus’ lap, before noticing James’ was free now and decided to lay himself across both of their laps as if ensuring his father wouldn’t hold Luna again (jealous little shit). His hands opened back up to show them the purple truck as if it were the most fascinating thing he had ever seen, and Regulus supposed for his age, it very well may be (at least of today). 

“Look Da! Purple!” Harry exclaimed, green eyes shining as he looked up to James, who perfectly matched the expression back, amused eyes meeting his son’s. 

Merlin, Regulus would never tire of just how much Harry looked like his father in just about every way. 

“I see Haz, I love it. Do you like the colour purple?” James mused, matching his son’s excited tone as he brought a hand up to point to the colour on the truck that Harry had been so excited to tell them about. 

“Yes! Purple is Marls favourite so is mine too!” Harry declared, leaning against James’ chest as his feet kicked around slightly in Regulus’. 

“Oh because Marls likes it means you have to?” James asked, his hand that once pointed at the coloured truck moving to brush some of Harry’s hair off of his forehead, before his arm instead moved back behind Regulus’ shoulders, fingers brushing at the skin on the back of his neck in a way that sent shivers down the youngers spine causing him to lean a bit closer into James, head dropping to his shoulder as Harry was running his truck up and down his own legs and making it crash against his feet.

“Oi Potter! Don’t discourage this! Harry likes everything his auntie Marls likes.” Marlene called from across the room, hand pointing out to James with narrowed eyes, “Not my fault I’m his favourite.” Marlene added, which of course gathered a surplus of responses. 

“Hey!” 

“Absolutely not Mckinnon.” 

“I made his truck purple!” 

“He was excited to come see me today!” 

“Can we all stop fighting over who my son’s favourite is?” Regulus cut in, rolling his eyes at the entire conversation to begin with. “We all know it’s Remus so,” He added at the end, just because he could– which ended with a chorus of groans of acceptance because if there was one truth, it was the fact Harry adored Remus Lupin. 

“Moons!” Harry, who hadn’t been properly paying attention to any of the adults' conversation (his truck far more entertaining), immediately looked up at the mention of Remus’ name (further proving Regulus’ point). “Here? Moons here?” He looked to James for an answer, only to earn a laugh from his father. 

“Not yet Haz, he’ll be here in a little yeah?” James told the young boy, whose eyebrows furrowed slightly. 

“Why no Moons now?” 

“Because he’s at home with uncle Pads right now.” 

“But why?” Harry very clearly wasn’t exactly pleased with his fathers answer, but more so confused. Which for his age did make quite a bit of sense, he didn’t quite understand why people couldn’t always be there the moment he wanted them, especially with the fact he did see everyone often enough to truly miss them in their absence. Something he had in common with his father was always wanting his people around, a social butterfly if you will. Unlike Regulus who was more than content to go days without seeing anyone that wasn’t James or Harry. 

“Because, he wanted us to have time with you.” Barty, who in the midst of the conversation– had stood up from his seat and moved to pick Harry up and out of James and Regulus’ laps, wrapping his arms around the toddler and swaying them both back and forth. “Didn’t you want time with me?” He asked Harry with a coo, earning a series of giggles out of the toddler who nodded his head with a toothy grin as he looked at Barty. 

“Yeah you like spending time with your uncle Barty huh? You missed me– did you miss me Harry?” Barty teased the young boy, only earning more giggles at the tone he was using from Harry who wiggled around in Barty’s arms to get comfortable. 

“Okay, I changed my mind– Evan, I want one.” Barty looked from Harry to his husband as he rocked Harry back and forth in his arms still, “Just one, I need my own Harry.” Barty insisted, causing Harry to hit against his chest to demand his focus back. 

“No, I am your Harry.” The toddler grumbled with narrowed eyes once Barty looked down to him. “Me,” pointing to himself, “Harry.” he huffed, and Regulus couldn't help but laugh from his spot on the sofa watching the entire thing unfold, turning his head into James’ neck to try and muddle the sound– finding comfort in the way his husbands chest raddled along as well. 

“One day, maybe.” Evan had declared, a museful grin on his lips as he watched his husband with Harry (who truly was adored by everyone), “No circling dates in red on calendars for us just yet.” Evan teased, causing Regulus to lift one of his hands and flipping Evan off. 

“Fuck off.” 

“It’s okay Reggie, not everyone is nineteen planning their first child with calendar marked healer appointments– we love you anyways.” Evan half laughed through his words, clearly finding himself amusing. 

Regulus however, did not. 

Had he and James circle dates on a calendar for the appointments with Lily? Yes. But they’d been excited. There was nothing wrong with that– they wanted their family, and now they’ve got it. 

“I hope you choke.” Regulus grumbled, turning his head out of the crook of James’ neck to glare at his friend. 

“He doesn’t-” 

“Barty, shut the fuck up.” Regulus groaned, shaking his head slightly as he felt James’ fingers that had once been running across the exposed skin of Regulus’ neck freeze, as well as a sharp inhale of his chest, as if something were wrong– as if something had happened. And Regulus couldn’t help himself from quickly shifting to get a better look at his husband, as if ensuring there was nothing wrong. 

“Are you alright?” Regulus asked quietly with furrowed eyebrows as no one else could have been able to notice the physical indicators of James’ mood– Evan and Barty still playfully bickering over the idea of children and Harry– though everyone knew the two of them, at this present point in time, had no intention of expanding their family. Though Regulus did suppose one day, when the time was right, they would. 

But despite the fact that James had just previously been paying attention, now he certainly wasn’t. His expression complex, as if going over something in his mind, his body stiff as he just stared forward. And Regulus couldn’t help the sinking feeling in his stomach that something was wrong. 

“James?” Regulus mumbled, hand reaching out to tap against his thigh as if getting his attention, but for a moment, nothing. “James–” Regulus spoke again, this time a bit more firm and actually warranting a response, a slight shake of the head as he turned to look at Regulus with unfocused eyes– as if shoving something down. 

“Hmm?” James hummed in brief acknowledgement, though it was half hearted– as if James were somewhere else. And not in the way he had been for the past few weeks because in some ways yes, James had been somewhere else. 

But this was different. This was distant, a far cry from how they had been the past few days. And Regulus didn’t understand, he didn’t know what had happened to cause this shift so abruptly, what had changed. 

“Hey, what's wrong?” Regulus whispered, eyebrows furrowed, turning his body slightly to bring his hand to the nape of James’ neck, soft fingers tracing over the skin as he faced his husband– though, instead of being met with the warmth of James melting into his touch, he was met with the cold shiver of James’ shoulders, leaning forward as if to get away from Regulus’ touch, a peak of anxiety settling in his stomach. 

“Nothing.” James’ tone was cold and shut off, confusing Regulus even more because nothing had happened, had it? So why was James acting so–

“Hey Marls, what was it you were saying earlier about practice being boring without me?” James, without another word, or even giving Regulus the chance to question him– was pushing off the sofa from his spot at Regulus’ side without so much as a glance in his direction, as if he couldn’t get away from him quick enough. 

Little did Regulus know, that would be the last time he felt the warmth of James Potter for weeks to come. 

—

“Bonne nuit mon amour fais un doux rêve.” Regulus whispered softly as he placed a kiss to Harry’s head later that night, hours after they had left Evan and Barty’s and had just now gotten the toddler in bed after the excitement of the day finally caught up to him, and his breathes were evened out before his head even hit the pillow. 

The rest of the day had been rather uneventful, nothing of substance happening– well that is, unless you count the fact James had barely muttered a singular word in Regulus’ direction, keeping a distance from him, talking to anyone and everyone to avoid having to speak to him. Even now, James had kissed Harry goodnight and left the room before Regulus even had time to approach the toddlers bed. 

Something was wrong, but Regulus had no idea what it was, he had replayed the events of the day over and over in his mind, attempting to pinpoint what had changed, to connect it all. But no matter what his mind sorted through, nothing added up. 

James wasn’t a naturally cold person, and it took a lot to upset him most of the time– he was infuriatingly understanding at almost all times; it had driven Regulus mad on several occasions throughout the course of their relationship. 

But this was different, it was unsettling– and part of Regulus just wanted to stay in Harry’s room to hide from it all, succumb to the anxiety and avoid facing it for as long as possible. 

However, James is his husband and avoiding him doesn’t settle well inside of Regulus either, he just wanted things to be alright, to go back to blissful calm they had been safe in just that morning.

So he left Harry’s room, quietly closing the door behind him before letting out a sigh and resting his forehead on the wooden door for a moment, intaking a deep breath as his eyes shut and he prepared himself for whatever conversation he was about to walk into blindly with nothing to go off of. 

He could hear James down the hall, inside their bedroom– the light creeping into the dimly lit house as James’ shadow could be seen pacing in the cracks of the slightly opened door. The movement confirmed what Regulus had already known, that something had shifted earlier, that something was wrong– despite his lack of knowledge of just what it had been. 

He pushed himself off of Harry’s door after a moment, shrugging his shoulders back to try and rid himself of the stiffness between them. He hated this, the not knowing– he and James rarely fought, rarely did they have something they genuinely were upset over, and at least when they did, they were both aware of what the argument entitled, whereas right now, Regulus was walking in blind. 

But, it’s James. At least that’s what he reminds himself of as he puts one foot in front of the other and closes the distance between himself and their bedroom. 

It’s just James. 

Still James, memories or not– nothing that bad could have happened. Nothing that they can’t just talk about and move on from, they were still James and Regulus, still two halves of one whole. They would talk, and sort this all out, whatever it is, it would be fine. 

Regulus was sure. 

Or well, at least at the time he had been. 

“James?” Regulus called out quietly as he pushed their cracked bedroom door open, hearing his husband before he saw him, the sound of his feet halting on the carpet as Regulus stepped into the room, closing the door behind him and silently casting a silenco at the click of the door because the last thing he needed was Harry waking up in the middle of whatever this was to become. 

“What’s this?” James’ voice was snappy, cold– yet stuttered, as if unsure of what he was even asking, of what answer he was searching for. The tone only confusing Regulus even more, because what was– 

“Our planners?” Regulus asked in confusion as his eyes followed the line that James’ hand made when pointing to the two opened planners on the foot of the bed, stepping forward to look down at the paper to ensure that James was in fact asking him about the planners they had bought at the beginning of every new year (despite the fact James’ only lasted a matter of weeks each time). 

“What about them? I don’t understand?” Regulus voiced, looking from the pages up to James, eyes tracing across his husband's face, taking in every wrinkle of anger and the darkness in his brown eyes. 

“You don’t understand?” James almost scuffed on the words, his shoulders stiff as he looked at Regulus in disbelief. 

“No I don’t understand? You’ve been distant for hours over a fucking notebook you hardly even use? I mean,” Regulus shrugged his shoulders with furrowed eyebrows and an unsettled pit in his stomach. 

Was he meant to understand? He didn’t quite see how he was supposed to when James wasn’t clearly communicating anything with him, he was just expecting Regulus to already know what was so deeply bothering him. 

“You do things the exact same way every day Regulus, did you know that? Almost everything even. You put both of your socks on before you’ll even touch one of your shoes. You cook in the same order, you wrap the blanket under your feet first, you have to brush your teeth and then wash your face. Every day, the exact same fucking way.” There was a cut in James’ tone that caused the tension in Regulus’ shoulders to tighten in a way he didn’t quite yet understand. 

Under normal circumstances, Regulus think’s he would have actually melted at James’ words, at the knowledge that his husband, who had memory loss, had already noticed so many things that Regulus did in particular orders. It was just who he was, he was always particular about the way he had done things, for as long as he could remember really. And knowing that James was paying such close attention to him after his accident should have sent a surge of warmth through Regulus. 

It should have made him feel so stupidly in love all over again. 

But it didn’t. 

“Okay? I’m particular then?” Regulus almost found himself questioning his own actions and what about them could have upset James to this level, searching his face for an answer, for something. 

“You’re very particular, and the very first night I was here– I looked through this planner.” James harshly pointed to the open pages of his own planner. “And I found it rather comforting then, that some things obviously hadn’t changed and I was still terrible at keeping up with them. But the first month and a half was already filled out.” James looked down at the open monthly page, fingers ghosting over blue writing. 

“Quidditch practice, Quidditch practice, Lunch with mum and dad, Harry and Ron play date– it’s all written in, by you, in blue. ” James had pointed to each of the dates and their little words beneath the numbers, clearly in Regulus’ handwriting, and yes, in blue ink. 

“Okay but–” 

“Everything is in blue Regulus!” Regulus felt himself flinch at the snap in James’ voice, not used to the volume, not used to James being angry. 

“James?” Regulus went to plead for more of an explanation– for something, anything to go off of. 

“Everything, practices, plans, all of it. Except for this.” James’ hand moved to turn to the planner's page, revealing the monthly calendar for February of that year, which Regulus had already filled out at the new year with what he could, but it only took a moment for Regulus to understand. 

Just one. 

“No circling dates in red on calendars for us just yet.” 

Evan had just been teasing, his words weren’t meant to have cut into their lives this deep. It was a joke really, it hadn’t been anything. 

Until it was everything. 

“James,” Regulus’ voice was hardly above a whisper, eyes glued to page where James’ fingers traced over dates, dates circled in red in the sea of blue. 

“You do everything the exact same way Regulus, every day. So tell me this isn’t what I think it is. Tell me this is some kind of break in tha pattern.” James’ voice was cold, already set– already knowing that Regulus couldn’t tell him that. 

“Because I had convinced myself it was. I had told myself that I had just seen it all wrong– that they weren’t circled in red, that it was pink, purple, fuck– orange, doesn’t matter. Because it wouldn’t have been red. You wouldn’t have kept something that big from me, what was it that you are always saying, huh?” Regulus just wanted to shrink further into himself, eyes still glued to the pages, to the red swirls of pen. “That we didn’t keep things from one another, that we were honest?” 

“James, you have to understand–” Regulus wanted to rush an explanation, words flying out of his mouth as he looked up from the pages and to his husbands face that usually held so much joy, laughter, and ease– though now only tinged with the heat of anger. 

“Understand? I have to understand?” James let out a hollow laugh in his words, “No, see that’s the thing– I thought I did. I mean, mine only has circles on it, it didn’t have to mean what Evan mentioned, did it?” He rolled his lips in, before breathing out a scuff as his head tilted and his burning brown eyes met Regulus’ green. “So I opened yours when we got back, you’re a lot more descriptive in your own planner than mine, did you know that Regulus?” 

He did. 

“I mean, ‘consultation appointment for ivf’, ‘Lily’s lab testing’, ‘My lab testing’, ‘first round of injections’ – So glad you kept such a good track of all the appointments, Regulus, truly.” James’ hand had moved over from his own planner to Regulus’, reading word for word off the pages the writing only in red pen, the only writing that mattered. 

“You were hurt, James– all of this was thrown on the back burner of our lives– we didn’t even get to complete the initial process before your fall, and you didn’t remember any of this. Of us. Of Harry– Merlin James, we have a son who is here and we had to focus on. Not having another baby.” Regulus wanted to scream, he wanted to make James understand his thought process, to understand why Regulus hadn’t told him they had been planning on having another baby. 

It wasn’t as if it were still an option, James was hurt. James didn’t remember the child they already had, let alone the possibility of a second– Regulus didn’t see the need in throwing that but of information in to further confuse James in piecing together the puzzle of their life. 

“You kept it from me.” James didn’t seem to find Regulus’ logic all too comforting, not that Regulus could be that surprised. 

For James, he had just been a teenager, reckless with his feelings and then thrown into a life he didn’t even remember. 

For Regulus, it was all different. 

“Because it didn’t matter anymore! It wasn’t as if we were still going to try for a second baby immediately after your accident regardless of your memories or not!” 

“And why bloody not?” 

“We have a family, James! You, me and Harry. That is the family I prioritise, that is the family that I have to look out for. We have plenty of time to expand, but the three of us, we are here now–” 

Regulus knew it sounded a bit selfish, but it was true. 

Of course he had been excited about them beginning the process of having a second baby, hell– it had been his idea in the first place. 

But that plan, that future– well it tumbled to the background the second that James fell off that broom and Regulus didn’t regret that even in the slightest. 

If a life with just James and Harry was all Regulus ever had, he would have had plenty. 

“But you still should have told me! Regulus you kept this from me! This involved me too and you just kept it from me! You said that we were honest with one another, that we truly knew each other– yet here you are, keeping secret after secret from me!” James was frustrated, Regulus could see that, the tension between them ran thick, it was all consuming– making the air harder to breathe and his clothes feel as though they clung too tight to his skin. 

“Secret after secret? James, I haven’t been–” Regulus went to argue, shaking his head and daring to step a step closer to his frustrated lover. 

If he could just get James to breathe, to calm down, to talk him off this edge– he could make him understand. He could help him see why he had made the choices he did. He could fix this. 

Could. 

Couldn’t. 

Same thing really. 

“Barty. You kept that from me.” James threw at him, causing a groan to slip past Regulus’ lips as he threw his head back. 

“No I didn’t– James, just listen to me, alright? I didn’t keep that from you on purpose, why would I think about my ex boyfriend when I’m married to you, when I love–” 

“When you love what huh? Like how you loved Barty? Or you love me? Oh what about how you’ll love your next pureblood boyfriend when you keep the fact you were trying for a baby from him too!” 

Quiet. 

Silent. 

Nothing. 

Neither spoke, neither really breathed– neither did anything but stand in place, eyes locked on one another's as the emotions of rage shifted. 

When anger took over the other, and guilt and regret took over the other. 

“Regulus, I didn’t mean that–” 

“Get out.” 

They spoke at the same time, words passing in the same breath. And then silence again, nothing again. 

Pain. 

That was perhaps the only thing they both felt, pain. 

“Get out.” Regulus spoke again first, his words sharp, meant to cut like a knife– and he hoped they did. 

“No, Regulus– I didn’t mean that– I wouldn’t have said– I didn’t– Oh fuck– I didn’t–” James was reaching for words that he couldn’t find, for apologies he couldn’t form, for something that Regulus couldn’t give him. 

“Out.” 

“Regulus–” James stepped forward, and Regulus stepped back in the same motion, face cold, empty and hollow of expression. 

“Get out of my house. Go to your parents, go to Sirius, go wherever the fuck you want. Just get away from me.” 

Regulus was a Potter. It was the last time he took it happily, eagerly, proudly. Regulus clung to his husband's last name, to what it meant as tightly as he could. Potter– now that was something to be proud of, something to hang on to. 

But before he was a Potter, he was a Black. Born to be cold, to be firm, the villain of someone's story– born to be above societal norms, above feelings like this. Born to be above pain, to not feel it, but inflict it. 

And while he felt it, trust in that– he did the one thing he knew best, pushed away, and hid from his feelings in the mask of anger, because it was easier. Because he needed to. 

“I didn’t mean it– Regulus, baby please–” James was pleading, having switched his tune rather quickly– perhaps finally realising the weight of the words he threw around, of the things he implied. 

“But you did. I told you. I fucking–” Regulus laughed, actually laughed– not because it was funny, but because it was painful. Because if he didn’t laugh, he would cry. “I told you that you still saw me that way. That you still thought of me like my parents.” 

“I don’t–” 

“You do. You took the first chance to lash out at me and use it against me. I told you and told you, and you denied and denied and denied. But the truth always comes out James, always. ” His words echoed around them, James staring back at him with regret– but regret wasn’t enough. 

“Get out.” 

Regulus didn’t have to repeat himself again. 

James left, quietly– as if he knew better than to fight back again. That another push back would have Regulus crumbling at the seams.

But it didn’t matter in the end, because Regulus was crumbling regardless. Alone in a room where just that morning he had found solace in James’ arms– now to only feel the weight of his absence. 

Regulus was crumbling, and James was breaking– not because they don’t love one another, see the issue is that they do.

They love one another at different stages of their lives, where James is falling for the first time, and Regulus has been for years. And miscommunications seep through the cracks of glue they rushed trying to stick down to force the pieces of their missing puzzle together, rather than search just under the table where they had fallen.

Chapter Text

James hadn’t meant it. 

Of course he didn’t mean it. 

He had just been angry, confused– he had been drowning in this feeling he had yet to understand and he just… spoke. He said the wrong thing. He said what he didn’t mean. 

But how do you take something like that back? Truly take it back? 

It was out there now, he had said it– and despite the fact he didn’t mean it, he didn’t have an excuse for it. An explanation: yes, he could explain what had been rushing through his mind, could explain what thoughts led him to saying such a thing, but there was no excuse for it. There is no way for James to ever erase what he had done, and that made him sick. 

Regulus was, no, Regulus is the best thing that James Potter has ever encountered, memories or not, Regulus was everything. 

Regulus Black was a lot of things, James knew that now. He was an excellent cook, a great seeker, and caring brother and doting husband, he was an extraordinary father. He’s kind, and he listens, pays attention and saves every detail in the back of his mind because to him, they all matter. 

Regulus is quiet, or at least people would think he is. He certainly is a people watcher, he observes, James finds it quite fascinating the way Regulus watches, the way he notices. But James has come to know that Regulus can talk, and talk, and he has the most magnificent things to say. When it’s just the two of them, Regulus speaks so freely, so openly, he tells James things, he makes James the listener. 

And James loves him for it. He needs him for it. 

Regulus Black is so many things. 

Regulus Black-Potter, that is, is so much more. 

And a blood supremacist isn’t one of them. 

James hadn’t meant it, he doesn’t know why he said it– he doesn’t really know how he could have said it, or well, imply it he supposes. 

James, despite the gaping holes in his memory, didn’t think the way his seventeen year old self did— and if he was truly honest with himself, he doesn’t think that he ever really thought such a thing about Regulus back then. Sure he had disagreed with the younger boy's actions, with the submission to his parents that Regulus played so well. But in truth, Regulus had always meant something to Sirius, and that alone by extension made him mean something to James.

But now? Now James is a father, and regardless of having forgotten the past seven years, James understands Regulus now far more than he could have ever before. He sees it now in a different light— before it was easy to think that Regulus leaving the same way Sirius did would be the simplest of things. That he had no true reason to stay, that he must have believed, at least partially, some of the ideals his parents fed into him. 

Though, James understood much better now. He understood in a way only a parent could. Because Harry followed Regulus and James blindly with full trust in adoration for everything, Harry relied on them, he fed into their love, even now at such a young age James had seen Harry act a certain way just to get the moment of praise and love from his parents— and Harry had no short supply of it at any point. 

Sirius and Regulus? The only love for years of their lives was one another, that was it. a child craves that affection, that love only a parent can give, so despite the monstrosity of their parents, how could James truly blame Regulus for wanting them to love him? 

James wanted his parents' love, and it’s not as if he was ever denied it. Effie and Monty showered him in the deepest rays of affection, made sure James always knew he was adored, they didn’t hold their love over his head as a bargaining chip for him to follow blindly in their beliefs. 

Walburga and Orion Black, however, did. And Regulus was just a child, a boy who wanted his parents to love him— how could James ever hold that against him now that he knew the power that came with that? 

But he did. He dangled it over Regulus’ head in a moment of insecurity, of frustration and betrayal— he used the one thing he could think of to hurt Regulus, so what did that make him? Who had that one moment, that singular moment, turn James into? 

Because now, as he stood in his old bathroom at his parents home, staring in the mirror with red rimmed eyes and tousled hair— he couldn’t quite recognise himself. Though he supposed he hadn’t really recognized himself for a while now, since the day he woke up in that hospital bed. 

He looked older, certainly not seventeen anymore— and he looked harder, more aged by circumstances of life, though at the same time softer, the sort of softness that comes with being happy. James hadn’t believed it all at first, the story of him and Regulus, it seemed so far-fetched, as if there was no way it could be real. But it was, the effects were etched into James’ body, Regulus was carved into him. 

And James had made them bleed, had torn them open in a moment of anger. James had ruined them, and he had no one else to blame but himself, no one else to blame for the downfall of his life. He was the master of his own fate. 

James wanted a chance to explain, though he wasn’t even quite sure what he could say to make Regulus forgive him, if he was honest, he wasn’t sure he even deserved forgiving in the first place. But he wanted it. 

How selfish is that? After all he had done, after the damage only he could be responsible for. After it all, James wanted forgiveness. Regulus certainly didn’t owe him such a thing– he wasn’t required to give it, and perhaps he never would. But that didn’t change the fact that James wanted it. James wanted it so bad he could feel it bubbling up inside of him threatening to spill out if he dared to open his mouth. 

But he wasn’t deserving of forgiveness, not right now. He had to prove to Regulus he didn’t mean it, prove that he was truly sorry and that he hadn’t meant any of it. James had to prove himself worthy of Regulus, and he would. At least that’s what he told himself as he peeled his clothes off and stepped into the shower, water scalding hot as it ran over his body, adding a tinge of red to his brown skin, but James gave no effort to turn it down, somehow comforted by the heat. 

His thoughts were plagued with one subject, just Regulus. Everything Regulus, playing back every single moment since he woke up in that dreaded hospital room. He shuffled through them all, sifting through the smiles and patience his husband had given him, never letting his own emotions show, always holding a strong face for James’ sake (and Harry’s of course). 

Regulus had truly been the centre of James’ thoughts since he arrived at his parents the night before, silent and shut down as his parents questioned why he was there, what had happened– raising concern for himself, as well as Regulus and Harry. 

James hadn’t been able to tell them what happened, he was hardly able to do anything if he were honest– for the first time in his life, James couldn’t speak. Perhaps part of it was the shame he had felt knowing what he’d done, but more than that, the feeling that was right there on the surface, was just simply pain. He was in pain, for himself yes, but ultimately for the boy he loved. James was pained by the pain he caused, knowing he was responsible for that look on Regulus’ face, knowing that he had been the one to hurt him. 

There were no words to truly describe the way that felt, how it sat with you and nuzzled its way into your skin, where you could feel it in your fingertips in a dull ache that was just spreading. James didn’t know how to vocalise any of it, so he had said nothing. 

His mother had attempted to contact Regulus, though was met with nothing, the floo network was closed– and it seemed as though everyone knew that if Regulus didn’t want to be messed with, that it was best to just leave him be til he was ready. Personally James was not a fan of this, but truly he didn’t have the heart to argue. He had hurt Regulus enough, least of all should he go pushing his boundaries and making the entire thing worse. 

This hadn’t entirely stopped the questions from being directed at James, even as his mother sat with him and stroked his hair through the tears– she attempted to get him to open up. She was only trying to help, of this James had no doubt. She wasn’t pushy with her words, only soft and inviting. She was his mother, she cared. James could hardly fault her for such a thing, not when he now knew what it was like to love your own child and want nothing more than to make everything that could upset them go away. 

But this was beyond a parents control, this was beyond even that of love– this was in James’ control, and he owed it to his family to make this right. For Regulus and Harry, James would make this right. 

Though in those moments, James had to just let himself feel it. Feel the pain of what he had done. And while he felt as though it didn’t deserve that, he needed it. He needed to understand his feelings in order to fix things, going in blind to what was being felt was just the recipe for a disaster, and it was already too much of one for James to be willing to risk making it worse. 

He had basically cried himself to sleep last night, only moving when his mother gently woke him to have him go to his bedroom to sleep rather than the couch he had been sitting on. Not that he got much sleep in general– realising rather quickly how much he missed the familiar warmth of Regulus beside him, pressed against his side and listening to his even breaths. 

He had grown accustomed to being in their home in the time since his accident, so much so that his parents home didn’t quite feel like home anymore. The outskirts of London became his home, with a large yard for Harry to run around, the sound of his son's laughter and padding of his feet became white noise that only made James feel more at peace. The sight of Regulus in the kitchen, laying on the couch with a book, on the floor playing trains with their son– quickly became the most breathtaking comfort that James had ever known. 

And he had no one to blame but himself for the fact it had been ripped away from him. It had been stripped away in a way that only self destruction knows. Self destruction truly wasn’t a feeling James knew with familiarity, it was something he had only grazed upon in moments of his life, flashes really. But as he stood in the shower as the bathroom filled with steam from the burn of the water pelting his skin, he’d like to think that it was becoming all too familiar. 

James wasn’t actually sure how long he stood there under the stream of water, time wasn’t passing normally in his mind, he made no effort to do more than just stand there. Somehow it felt wrong to clean himself, like it was wrong to wash away the pain he caused despite the fact that wasn’t logical. He knew it wasn’t, he knew that with a shower or not– what was done is done, and nothing could change that. 

Except for maybe a time turner, and part of him was fairly tempted to meddle with the fates of time just to fix the mess he created. Though he had enough lectures from Lily Evans at Hogwarts to know that messing with time could very well make the entire thing far worse on him. But that didn’t fully extinguish the desire to completely scratch the idea if he were honest for just the off chance he could fix it. 

But his mind didn’t linger on it much further, not when he heard the sound of the Floo network in the other room and a small shriek that James immediately knew was Harry. Harry. Regulus. And from that, well James couldn’t get out of the shower fast enough. 

He knew Regulus wouldn’t be here long, if at all— and if he was going to get the chance to say anything, he had to be quick. And despite having absolutely no idea what he was going to say, found himself tumbling out of the bathroom, body still mostly wet from his shower, clothes clinging to him as he was essentially running down the hallway to the main living area with his shirt half on as he tried to pull it over his head before nearly bumping into one of the bookshelves in the room. 

“Oh for Merlin’s sake—“ Euphemia Potter went to scold her son, James could tell from her tone and the way her eyes glanced over to him as he had raced into the room, but she was cut off rather quickly. 

“Da! Da! Da!” Harry’s voice carried over loudly as the paddle of small feet hit the hardwood floors and within seconds was clinging to James leg, reaching for him desperately. And despite the fact James had just seen his son the previous night and there truly was no time lost between them– James wasted no time scooping up Harry and clinging to him with the same sense of desperation. 

The thing was, James was eager to be near Regulus, but the world did not spin unless Harry was near now. It was almost unreal, just how quickly James’ life shifted to revolve around Harry upon meeting him. He knew this was normal for parents, and he was sure it happened immediately when Harry was born as well– but still his mind couldn’t fully wrap around the shift, just how life changing it was. 

“Hi Hazza,” James cooed, coddling his son close, holding him close as the young boy wrapped his arms around his fathers neck, immediately just melting into him. 

“Papa, on rentre à la maison maintenant?” Harry grumbled, almost inaudibly, his head turning in James arms, still melted into his father, but green eyes shining while looking at Regulus. 

“Non.” Regulus spoke softly, his voice raspy as he shook his head. And while James didn’t know what Harry had asked, he could quickly sense the displeasure radiating off of his son. 

“Pourquoi?” Harry asked, small eyebrows furrowing as he looked to Regulus, not yet fighting to get out of James’ arms to race to his papa, but James knew the possibility was high. Harry would often bounce between each of his parents, especially within conversation. 

“I have a few things to do today Harry, you’re just going to spend some time here with your father and Nan and Pops yes?”  Regulus’ voice was far from his usual calm tone, ditching the initial language the two were speaking in, as if it were a way to subtly let James’ know the story Harry would be led to believe. He still spoke softly to Harry, but the horse rasp in his throat was evident– and James’ couldn’t help but feel himself grow nauseous knowing that he was the cause. 

And it was as he officially noted the tone that James allowed himself to actually take Regulus in before him. He was far from his typical put together self, his curly hair a mess atop his head, his eyes having a red rim etched around them and a redness gloss that encompassed the green orbs. He wasn’t dressed to actually have a few things to do today, though James knew it wasn’t the case the moment he said it. No, Regulus was dressed in a plain pair of sweatpants and one of James’ shirts actually– the fabric loose on the smaller boy, as if he could hide away in the cotton and not be seen. 

But James saw him… for Merlin’s sake, James always saw him. He could see the way the night hadn’t been any easier on Regulus as it had been on James. That this pain wasn’t one sided, but James had already known that. But it was different, seeing it himself and knowing the look on Regulus’ face was because of his actions. Because of the things that he had done. 

“No Papa, me and Da come!” Harry countered his fathers words, leaning forward in James’ arms in an attempt to get to Regulus, but James knew better than to let the boy down just yet, knowing Regulus would have a much harder time leaving if Harry had a melt down. 

“Oh mon amour, I’ll be back in just a little to see you.” Regulus already began faltering, stepping forward and closing the distance between himself and James and Harry. He made a point of not looking at James, at least not really– his eyes fixated on their son, a hand rising up to brush across Harry’s cheek and offered a smile so small, so forced that James felt his heart crack in his chest– just because Harry couldn’t tell the difference, didn’t mean James couldn’t. “And besides, Nan and Pops really miss you, we wouldn’t want to make them sad by leaving now would we?” Regulus asked the young boy, attempting to ensure that Harry didn’t think of it as Regulus leaving for a lack of wanting to be around him. 

It took James some time to get used to the dynamic of Harry and Regulus, though it made more sense to him once he found out that Regulus was Harry’s primary caregiver. Harry often defaulted to Regulus in times of need, used to having him there and around with the ability to help with whatever Harry may need. And that isn’t to say that James hadn’t had his own fair share of times that Harry would race off to him as well– but the dynamic was different. 

And Regulus never seemed to mind, he had patiences that James hadn’t expected when waking up in that hospital bed. In school, Regulus always seemed so annoyed by even the smallest of inconveniences, he seemed to exist in his own world, without the worries or cares of literally anyone else. And there were still times that James saw that side of him now. Times that Regulus existed only  in his own mind, times that the softness that had seemed to grow around him shrivelled back and he was just… Regulus. 

Though not with Harry, never with Harry. When it came to Harry, Regulus was always soft and gentle, he never snapped or got annoyed with the toddler, or if he did he hid it so well that James couldn’t pick up on it. Regulus looked at Harry like he changed the entire world, as if he were the one chosen thing in this world that would erase all the darkness that lingered. Though, in many ways– that was exactly what Harry was. While James couldn’t remember all of the details of the childhood Regulus alone experienced, though he was sure that had been taken from him in the accident– James did remember what Sirius went through. The harsh reality that the Black brothers never got a childhood. All the things Harry had, toys and games, friends to play with, family to see, and parents who loved him– Regulus never had. All of the things that James had growing up, Regulus didn’t. And he saw that Regulus worked each day to ensure that Harry had it all. 

“Da?” Harry’s voice broke the trance that James had quickly found himself engulfed in when looking at Regulus, eyes flashing to Harry’s bright green eyes that stared up at him. 

“Yes Harry?” James asked quietly, worried that at any raise of his voice that Regulus would go away, that he would disappear before James even had a moment to explain, to say… fuck to say something. 

“You stay with me?” the young boy asked, his head tilting to the side and James felt his breath hitch. 

“Yes Haz, Da will be staying with you.” Regulus cut in, seeming to notice the hesitancy on James’ face, “I just have a few things to do, I won’t be long.” Regulus gave the same forced smile to the toddler, who at the reassurance seemed to accept the information.

“Okay Papa!” Harry beamed, leaning nearly out of James’ arms with a tilted face at Regulus, and at the expective gesture, Regulus seemed to let out a real breathless laugh and leaned in, placing a kiss to Harry’s cheek. 

“Je t'aime Harry.” Regulus told the toddler, who was already wiggling to be let down, his feet hitting the floor and within moments dashing off towards the direction of the breakfast nook where his parents had retreated to once James entered the room a few minutes prior. No doubt attempting to give them space. 

“Je t'aime Papa!” Harry’s voice was a shout as he ran, not looking back even once at his parents, clearly deciding that Regulus’ assurance to be back and the fact James was at least there enough to dismiss them entirely (honestly, it made James laugh each time it happened). 

And before James could even let his eyes wander back to Regulus from where they had been trailing Harry, the shorter man was already backing up, placing distance between them as if it were the only thing that mattered. 

“Regulus–” 

“Don’t.” His voice was no longer the soft and kind tone that he used with Harry, replaced by cold calculated anger that made James’ heart plummet. 

“Regulus please.” James attempted, stepping forward which in turn caused Regulus to take two more steps back and shake his head rapidly. “Just let me explain, let me–” James was already pleading, knowing he had mere seconds– minutes if he were lucky before Regulus would disappear again. 

“No. There is no explaining. There is no– no nothing James. I– fuck.” Regulus was shaking his head almost rapidly, swallowing thickly as he finally, finally, raised his eyes to actually look at James for what felt like the first time in forever, even if James knew it had just been a short time. “I can’t do this with you right now. I can’t and I won’t. Go spend time with your son, he is the only reason I am anywhere near you right now.” His voice was venom, it cut between them, and James just wanted to stop it, to explain and apologize and make it up to Regulus. He just wanted to fix this. 

“Please– Regulus..” James pleaded, watching the dark haired boy step into the floo network, ready to rush away. “I’m sorry.” James hoped his words could just make Regulus slow down, to give him more time. 

But instead, he was met with a cold laugh, and as his eyes met the deep green of Regulus’, James knew. “I am too.” Regulus’ words echoed, even as he vanished, even as James was left standing alone in the sitting room, suddenly feeling as if the room dropped in temperature to match the void that was left behind. 

James knew he wasn’t lucky, in fact– he wondered if he ever would be again. 

— 

Regulus threw up. 

He hadn’t been able to help it, the way his body seemed to reject the feeling inside of him that felt like a plague. It started as a slow, gnawing discomfort in his stomach, a tight coil that wound tighter with each passing moment until it had grown into a relentless, gnashing ache, until he had seen the look in James’ eyes.  His chest felt heavy, a weight pressing down on him that seemed to suffocate the air from the bathroom he had just barely made it to before spilling the contents of his stomach. 

The taste in his mouth was sharp, bitter, like the very essence of everything he had hated about himself, everything he had learned to forget in the years of loving James Potter, of being loved by James Potter. As if he were reliving the feeling he had once grown so used to, the feeling of being raised in that house, of becoming someone he hadn’t ever wanted to be. 

He wiped his mouth, the coldness of the tile floor beneath his hand offering no comfort as he steadied himself to stand. His vision blurred for a moment, but Regulus managed to push past the nausea, at least enough to rinse out his mouth and rid it of the bitter taste inside. 

But it hasn’t changed anything. Emptying his stomach wasn’t a substitution for the feeling that lingered inside of him, from the pain of James’ words echoing in his mind. 

“When you love what huh? Like how you loved Barty? Or you love me? Oh what about how you’ll love your next pureblood boyfriend when you keep the fact you were trying for a baby from him too!” 

It had been ringing in his mind since the moment he heard them slip from James’ lips. It played over and over and over and with each replay, Regulus felt as if he were right there again, experiencing it for the first time. 

A part of him knew that James hadn’t meant it, that his James would have never said those words to him. A part of him knew it was said in a moment of anger, that the words tumbled out before his mind had caught up to his mouth. 

But he could know that all day. He could know that James hadn’t meant it, not really– but it didn't take away the ache that the words left behind. It didn’t change the fact that they tore Regulus’ heart out and left it there, on their bedroom floor– for merlin's sake, Regulus hadn’t even been able to go back into the room since last night, as if the scene were still frozen in place in a room that had once meant love. 

It was different now, the shift between them. One formed after the accident, when James lost his memories, a shift that separated them from the life they once lived into the now. It was hard, that Regulus would never deny. It had been so, so hard. Watching James look at him in a different light, in one Regulus hadn’t seen in years– it was difficult to place into words. But at least then James had been willing to try, willing to make this work, make the world make sense. 

Though this shift was of a far different nature, it was a complete disconnect. James hadn’t looked at Regulus as if he were trying to figure him out, he looked at him as if he were a complete stranger, as if Regulus were nothing besides the Black name. 

And he was, in some ways. Regulus could never erase the reality of the family he was born into. He was a Black, raised with evil surrounding every corner of the house, neglected and left alone, befriending house elves and clinging to Sirius as a lifeline (a habit that Regulus still had to fight the urge against at times). It was still a part of him, engraved into the foundation of who he was. But it no longer defined him. 

No, for Regulus, the Black name was the thing he aimed to define him the least. In fact, he also didn’t aim for the Potter name to define him either. Regulus detested being confined into any sort of box, into any narrative that others tried to fit him into. He wanted to be defined by the things he had done, what he had accomplished within his life. 

He could be defined as Harry’s father, in that it would be enough. Regulus would thrive in the shadow of who his son could become in fact, he would be happy to stand still in life for Harry to always have a place to look back to. 

And in Regulus’ mind he would have always been standing with James. James would never leave him behind, James wanted the same goals and aspirations for their son. They would always be together, Regulus would be happy being defined as that, loyal at his husbands side. 

But now he wasn’t so sure if he would always be standing with James. If they would make it past what had happened, if he would ever be able to erase it from his memory. Sure, they had fought before– they weren’t perfect by any means. And all couples fight, like… literally all of them. Regulus can handle some snarky comments and attitude, he can handle disagreeing. But this hadn’t just been a fight, it was disrespectful. That truly was the only way to put it. 

Regulus just wanted James to remember, remember their life together, remember the ins and outs of being a unit, of being married and parents. He wanted James to remember what it was like to truly love him. He wanted to feel loved again. He thought he could have it, that even if James didn’t remember, that they could grow to love one another again. Regulus had believed it was possible. The past few weeks… merlin they had been magical, not in the way that Hogwarts was or the rush of being eleven and getting your first wand. But magical in the sense of the rush between them, the spark of life and love, the electric touch that only came with being in love, with the feeling of complete and total surrender of your heart to another. 

Regulus’ heart had long been surrendered to James. It was his, and no matter what, Regulus knew there was no way he could just take it back, no way it would ever be fully his again. But he wanted James’ back, he had never wanted to let it go to begin with. It had been his too, a piece of James belonged to Regulus. They had taken vows, they had sworn their love and loyalty to one another, through everything– they were supposed to be together. 

But that didn’t quite constitute if the other half of the vows couldn’t even remember taking them could it? 

Regulus' mind was a whirlwind, thoughts spiraling faster than he could ground himself. James' memory loss was a cruel, unrelenting tide that kept pulling him under, no matter how hard he fought to keep his head above water. He had wanted this — to have James back, even if the man didn’t remember them, didn’t remember him. He had held on to the belief that they could rebuild, that the love they once shared was something that could be reignited. But now, it felt like a fantasy. 

Every touch between them, every laugh, every small spark of affection that had come in the weeks since James’ return home, it all felt too fragile, too fleeting. Regulus had told himself, If we can just relive it, if we can just reconnect, I can bring him back to me. I can bring him back to us. Harry needs him too, it has to work. 

But what if it wasn’t enough? What if that spark was just a shadow of what they once had? And worse, what if James never could remember? What if, even with all the affection and effort Regulus poured into their time together, it still wasn’t the same — because James wasn’t the same? What if there was no changing James’ mind about him? About who he had grown to be in the last seven years? Who they had become together? 

The uncertainty was a constant ache, a gnawing sensation in the pit of Regulus’ stomach. He wanted to believe, wanted to believe in the possibility of love being reborn, and he had, he had believed it. Isn’t that something? Regulus believed that James would be his again, because he had to be. The past week had been perfect, it had started to feel like they were again one, again a partnership. 

The hardest part wasn’t the lack of memories, though. It wasn’t even the fear that they wouldn’t be able to rebuild their lives, their love. It was the crushing realization that, no matter how much he wanted it, Regulus couldn’t make James remember. He couldn’t force James’ heart to love him the way it used to, couldn’t force James to remember the promises they’d made. The only blessing that came from that fear was that it didn’t extend to Harry. That no matter what James may or may not feel for Regulus– James was unfaltering in the adoration for their son, had been since Harry came barreling into the room and taken him by storm. 

In the quiet moments, when James was asleep or lost in his own thoughts, Regulus would stare at him, haunted by the absence of that recognition in his eyes. The absence of the love that had once been a given. A piece of him knew that James’ memory might never return, that he might never be able to fully remember the depth of their bond. 

And yet, Regulus couldn’t bring himself to let go. Because even without the memories, even without the promises, he still loved James. And somewhere inside him, he believed that James could still love him too. Maybe not in the same way, maybe not in the same depths, but something — something real, something worth fighting for.

But what was he supposed to do when he felt as if he were fighting alone?

It wasn’t just the vows that had tied them together. It was the trust, the partnership, the way they had moved as one, a unit. But in this strange new reality where James had no recollection of those things, where he looked at Regulus with a kind of sweetness that felt foreign, Regulus didn’t know what to cling to. 

What was left when all you had was hope and no proof that the love would ever return in full?

Regulus’ mind didn’t stop turning, didn’t stop aching with the memories and panic that flooded each thought. Not after he had thrown up, not after he rinsed his mouth, and not even now, as he made the walk from the bathroom he barely made it to when flooing home, haunted by the look in James’ eyes, eyes that would have loved him for a lifetime. 

And when Regulus, weak and feeling broken, finally made it onto the couch in the living room, still not daring to go into their bedroom, and with the quiet now that Harry was with James. Regulus let himself cry. And he was glad that the sobs couldn’t be heard, as his body rattled with the pain of them, and he slowly disappeared into himself, only left with one ringing thought. 

What was he supposed to do now?