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Since you and your parents were highly religious, you usually went to confession weekly to repent for your sins and receive God’s love. Today, you wanted to go by yourself, as you needed a moment alone with your thoughts and to examine your conscience. You tried to reflect on your sins and actions as best as possible while taking the 15-minute walk to the church, so when you entered the confessional booth, you had a straightforward story on what to tell Father James. This would be your first confessional with him, and you hoped he would be more kind and understanding than your previous priest, Father Jacob.
You knew you had to be honest with Father James about your sinful feelings, your sexual and unholy thoughts and desires, and what they led you to do a few nights ago. But you knew you could never mention his name, that these feelings were about him, despite knowing you had to be truthful and vulnerable in the confession. His name would not be mentioned. You would only say it’s an older man, which was technically the truth.
When you reach the white church, you stand outside to look at the building for a few minutes, trying to muster up the courage to go inside. Now that you’re standing in the front alone, peering up at the church, it feels much bigger and more intimidating than on Sundays when the whole town is present. You feel small and judged as the structure towers over you with its grand greatness and holiness.
Finally, once you feel comfortable, you step into the church. As you open the wooden door, the echo of the wood creaks throughout the vast and holy room. It’s the middle of the weekday, so the place is empty, except for Father James.
He mustn’t have heard you come in, despite the noise, since he was turned with his back to the door while seeming to tidy up the altar. You took some time to examine him from behind now that he didn’t have on his sacred vestment. He wore the same black shirt as he did on Sunday’s mass. The material clung to his muscular and broad back. It looked like he would rip out of it with each movement he made. The pants he wore were tight and showed off the curve of his behind. God, how much you wanted to feel his naked skin against yo…
No, stop it! You’re in the house of the Lord! You couldn’t bring these unholy thoughts back into your mind when you came here for the sole reason to repent for them.
You cleared your throat, “excuse me? Father James?” You called for him in your sweetest voice.
“Ah,” he turned around at being called upon, his face displaying a slight smirk when he saw that it was you. He started going towards you with his arms slightly open. “Welcome. I reckon you’re here to repent for your sins, young lady?”
You tried to calm your beating heart as he approached you with confidence and power in his steps; you had to stifle a whimper at how gorgeous he was. He stopped at a respectable distance from you. You wanted him closer.
“Uh, y-yes, Father.”
“Please,” he gestured to the booth by the wall, “be my guest.”
Father James entered the confessional on one side, while you entered the other, both of you taking your seats. The screen divider between the two spaces in the booth gave a sense of privacy, which always made it a little easier to confess.
You make the sign of the cross and say; “Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.”
“How long since your last confession…?”
“It’s been six days since my last confession, Father.”
“… and what have you come to confess, my child?”
You close your eyes as you take a deep breath in… and then a deep breath out before you start laying out the truth to him.
“Father, I’ve been having impure thoughts and impulses the last couple of days. There has been this,” you stop for a split second to try and get your story together before continuing, “older man that I’ve had unholy fantasies about late at night while I’ve been… touching myself,” the last bit you utter shamefully.
“Tell me, are you a virgin?”
His questions caught you off guard; not entirely sure what this had to do with the confession you had come to tell, but you answered truthfully anyway.
“Y-yes, Father.”
“But… have you ever done anything sexual that wasn’t sex with… other people?”
You had done a few things, yes, but you weren’t sure why he asked you this. In new confessions, you usually didn’t confess to something you’d already repented for.
“Forgive me, Father, but I-I’m not sure what this has to do with my current confession.”
“I’m just trying to understand you, trying to learn more about you, sweet thing. Go on, don’t be shy. Your secrets are safe with me.”
You might as well tell him what you’d told your old priest, Father Jacob, previously. You wanted Father James to have as much information as possible so he could help you to be forgiven.
“I-I’ve only done a few things, Father.”
“Tell me.”
“Well, I kissed a few guys and a girl at summer camp some years back….”
You could hear a low chuckle come from him as you mentioned kissing. Panic overcame you as you thought you had said something wrong and stupid.
“F-Father?”
“I’m sorry, sweet one. Go on.”
“O-ok, well, I-I’ve given handjobs to two different guys that same year at camp, and I’ve been fingered once.”
“And that’s all?”
“Y-yes, Father James.”
“Did you make any of the guys come when you touched them?”
“Ehm… n-no, no, I don’t think so.”
“Did you come while you were touched?”
“No.”
“Good, good… this is all good to know for later use.”
Later?
You were about to ask him what he meant by that, but he was already moving on from that conversation onto another.
“So tell me how you touch yourself at night and what you think about while doing so; spare no details, sweetheart.”
You swallowed hard as it was time to confess to your recent sins.
“W-well, it’s usually late at night when I know my parents are fast asleep. I can’t find the peace to sleep because the thoughts and urges are so strong that I can’t help but act upon them, Father, and I-”
You pause for a bit, but Father James encourages you to continue.
“Go on. It’s ok. You’re safe here. No one is judging you.”
“O-ok… well, I usually start by touching and palming my breasts through my shirt as I let my mind fill up with fantasies that it’s a strong and powerful man touching me all over, and I can feel myself get wet down there and I-”
You pause again when you notice through the holes in the screen divider that he’s palming his crotch through his black pants. An inaudible gasp leaves you at the sight of him.
“Please, continue.”
Any sane person would most likely get out of here as quickly as possible, but something is holding you back, a greater force, maybe? You don’t know, but what you do know is that you want to tell him more, and you want to see more of him as you go on with your sin.
“After… playing with my breasts for a while, I travel my hand, slowly, down my stomach, and I spread my legs so my hand can find a comfortable position where I need and crave attention. I-I don’t start touching myself immediately. I kind of tease the idea while toying with the little bow in front of my panties….”
A groggy groan could be heard on the other side of the screen, and when you look through the holes once more, you can see that he’s taken his penis out and holding it in his hand.
“Holy shi…,” you almost curse.
You’d seen some penises before, as you had just told Father James moments ago, but never something as large and… might you say beautiful as his one. It was mesmerising to look at, and you forgot entirely where you were for a second as you watched him circle his thumb on the tip, smearing some form of slickness on the head.
You moaned a quiet mewl as your bundle of pleasure pulsated in desperation, and your panties dampened with arousal. You closed your thighs tight to try and ease some of the excitement. A primal urge inside of you wants to take hold of him and caress his length. To take him in your mouth and taste hi…
No! This couldn’t happen; you couldn’t be getting these unholy thoughts, not again, not in the house of the Lord of all things. But somehow, the Devil had managed to penetrate itself into this holy church and take over Father James’ mind and yours… and you gladly let it consume you entirely, despite it being so wrong.
“Keep going, sweetheart; tell me more.” His voice was rougher and more demanding than usual, making you tingle all over.
“A-after battling between the good and evil in my mind, the Devil wins, and I snake my hand into the panties, and I’m so… wet down there as I start playing with myself. I-I know it’s wrong, but it feels so good, Father, that I can’t help myself.”
“Do you imagine that it’s someone else touching you?”
“Yes.”
Father James has now taken a tight grip around himself and is moving his hand up and down the length of him. Although it’s a little dark in the booth, you can still see his chest contract and expand with each deep breath he takes. Without realising it, you start to slowly rock back and forth in your seat to create some friction between your legs. You bite your bottom lip as you get some desired attention down there.
“How many fingers do you insert in yourself?”
“Only one, Father. I can’t do more than one, but I-I’ve never really enjoyed it; but I find circling the bundle of nerves to be the most enjoyable. That’s what makes me feel good.”
“Yeah? You like it when it feels good?”
“Y-yes, Father, s-so much.”
He’s now picked up the pace on his red and swollen penis. “Fuck, baby, keep going.” His voice is laced with a dark and sinister tone, like he was possessed by Satan himself. It terrified and exhilarated you at the same.
“W-well, it builds up, and it feels so good that I never want it to stop, but I can’t really hold it in for long until I need to have my release….”
“And?”
“It builds and builds and builds… until it gets to a point where this delicious and tingling feeling explodes inside of me, and the only way I can describe it is that this must be what heaven feels like, Father, pure and beautiful heaven, and I can’t stop touching myself until I’ve let it consume my whole body….”
A loud groan, followed by curse words, emits from him as a white substance shoots out from his tip, coating his entire hand. You gasp as you take in the sight. That never happened when you touched those guys some years ago. Your mouth starts to water as sudden thoughts and desires of having that in your mouth and all over your body cloud your mind. Father James continues pleasuring and touching himself until it seems he’s come down from heaven.
There is a long pause between you as you both process the event that just unfolded. Father James is the one to break the silence.
“Go in peace, my child.”
That’s it? Father Jacob usually assigns you an Act of Penance to do and makes you Pray the Act of Contrition and loads of other work so that God may forgive you.
“B-but am I forgiven, Father?”
“All is forgiven, sweet one. God loves you; now go in peace.”
You can’t be sure that you’ve cleared yourself of any sin. It only seems like you’ve created more of them. But if Father James says that all is forgiven, then you have to trust him… right?
With shaking legs, you stand up and leave the booth without saying anything else. What happened there leaves you confused and with more questions about Father James and his intentions for you. Hopefully, you’ll have all the answers soon…