Archive of Our Own ^beta

(1) Donkatsu

Mihyun was a quiet woman.

She wasn't quiet as a girl, no, she just learned to be quiet and observant as a grown up.

She learned the hard way, no one wanted to be friends with someone who could hear every whispered secret and witness every clandestine meeting with utmost detail.

No one wanted to be friends with her, they just wanted to use her. She knew then that she would only find a sense of belongingness in intelligence agencies like the ANSP.

However, life was never so simple for even in the ANSP, people didn't like it when someone had the potential to be privy to their secrets.

Thus, Mihyun had been alone as a teenager, as an ANSP trainee, agent, and even when she got stuck with a desk job.

Funnily enough, the first time she felt the sense of belonging was with Kim Doosik, the only person who didn't mind that she could hear the unique shuffle of his feet as he walked, the obvious jingle of coins in his pockets, and the fast-paced beat of his heart when he was alone with her.

During one of their donkatsu dates, Mihyun asked if he didn't mind her sharp senses and the fact that he could never keep anything a secret from her. Doosik responded with a warm smile and a sincere confession. "I've lived my whole life in the shadows, working and doing things in secret. You, Lee Mihyun, are a breath of fresh air, so I don't mind being open and honest with you."

Mihyun took the last bite of her donkatsu, feeling the sweet hint of apples burst through her taste buds. Nothing reminded her more of Doosik than the donkatsu served in the restaurant he introduced her to.

She looked out the large window to her right, hoping she could see him perched somewhere high, but he was nowhere to be found. Doosik did tell her that he was being sent away on another covert mission.

She missed him, that much she could admit, it's what made her visit the restaurant. Kim Doosik managed to worm his way into her heart after such a short amount of time.

Mihyun stood up, preparing to pay the bill, but the wind chimes attached to the door of the restaurant entrance rang.

The distinct shuffle of his feet from the heels of the leather shoes he liked combined with the soft rustle of the light material of his jacket.

Mihyun smiled, just when she was about to miss him terribly, he came back.

Doosik was home.

(2) Vending Machine Coffee

Following the ANSP's dissolution and Doosik's defection, Mihyun found herself completely alone again.

The dark fabrics of her hanbok, the bleak atmosphere of the funeral hall, and the biting cold from the lack of people by her side on the day of her father's demise all contributed to the dreaded feeling of isolation.

She never really had friends in the agency except for Mr. Min's secretary. Doosik was, understandably, nowhere to be found. The incident of his defection was still too recent and Mihyun understood that the risk remained high.

There was nothing Mihyun could do except to gently cradle the small paper cup of cheap vending machine coffee between her fingertips.

"I miss you." She mumbled as softly as she could and yet it echoed through the empty halls of the area.

She relished in the warmth the cup of coffee gave her, hoping she could hear his awkward footsteps approach her.

"I miss you." Mihyun repeated, wishing her father could hear, wishing Doosik could somehow feel her yearning from miles away.

Just when she was about to return to her father's hall, Mihyun felt a familiar tingle on the back of her neck. She snapped her gaze sharply to the dark end of the hallway, hoping that she was right.

Hoping that he was there.

But there was no one.

Of course there was no one, she scratched her nape absentmindedly.

It was foolish to hope.

(3) Snow

Looking up at the sky was something Mihyun liked to do way before she met Doosik.

She could neither overhear secrets nor see people gaze at her with distrust whenever she looked up at the sky.

Really, meeting Doosik was just an added bonus to her love for the sky.

Mihyun loved it especially when it snowed. Just the drops of snow falling from up above was nothing short of magical to her.

Which was only fitting because the second time Doosik proved to her that he would come back no matter what was when he wrapped his arms around her waist and showed her the view of snowfall from up above.

Doosik came home to her on the first rainfall after a long drought and on the first snowfall of the year.

So Mihyun would stay outside on her purple rooftop whenever the radio would announce the first snowfall, the first rainfall, or even the first leaf to turn orange in preparation for autumn.

Hope dwindled with every year that passed, but Mihyun continued to stand there regardless.

It was silly, but she hoped that Doosik would come and wrap his arms around her as he did before.

"I miss you, Kim Doosik." Mihyun whispered as the first snowflake of the year fell on her palm. "Come find us as soon as you can."

(4) Purple

and

(5) Looking Up

"Do you want to become like your father?!"

Doosik never told her the entire tale of his life with the ANSP, but Mihyun knew it was bad enough for him to warn her not to let Bongseok's abilities known to them.

It was one of the last sentences he ever uttered to her.

Mihyun bit her lip and looked up at the night sky. There weren't a lot of stars tonight, there were only two bright ones she could count. 

She was pacing around aimlessly on her rooftop, the one she'd long since painted purple in hopes that Doosik would finally come home to her and Bongseok.

"You said you'd find us!" She yelled to no one in particular, but she was looking up at the sky. She was always looking up at the sky. "You promised, Kim Doosik!"

There was no point, but she was terrified. Her son was recklessly flying around and, yesterday, they were almost brutally murdered by an assassin in their own home.

"You said you'd clean and do the dishes! I can't do flying donkatsu deliveries because you're not here!" Mihyun continued yelling. She knew Bongseok could hear her with how loud she was being, but she didn't care.  "I can't teach our son how to control his abilities, I can't fly. Only you can make him understand just how exhilarating and dangerous and liberating it is, I can't do that."

Her heart ached and her chest felt like it was about to explode. All those years of not uttering a peep about the love of her life was weighing down on her.

"I can only stop him from flying and he's hurting because of that, because of me."

She was so tired.

"I miss you, Kim Doosik." She whispered, tears threatening to spill from her eyes for the nth time tonight. "I don't know what to do. I'm trying to protect our Bongseokie as much as I can, but… I love you and I need you."

"I love you." Mihyun sighed, dropping to the ground bonelessly. "I don't know if I can paint this rooftop any more purple without getting all my clothes irreversibly stained. My neck is also starting to consistently cramp from looking up so much, Kim Doosik."

"Your son already gave me pain relief patches for my neck, I expect some compensation for the purple paint on most of my jeans." Mihyun jokes, then she whispers softly, like a prayer, hoping some god or deity or even Doosik himself would hear. "Please, Doosik-ah, come home to us soon."

———

(1) Fly

As a child, Doosik boasted of his ability to fly.

Who wouldn't? Foolish kids his age would give just about anything to have what he could do.

When you grow up reading comic books of Superman and watching cartoons with superheroes swooping in to save the day, you're easily convinced that you could do the same.

He honestly thought that way until he made the mistake of signing with the ANSP.  Mr. Min wasn't as ruthless back when Doosik first started because he was given a choice, the agents that came after him didn't have the privilege to do so.

It's just that he chose wrong.

The longer he stayed with the ANSP, the more disillusioned he became.

People didn't cheer for him when he descended from the skies. All Doosik hears are screams of terror because Moonsan has arrived and that was pretty much a death sentence for the ANSP's enemies.

No amount of praise from the higher ups would ever wipe away the blood staining his hands.

He loses sleep because when he closes his eyes all he can see are flashbacks of the crimson stain and the metallic scent of blood along with the brain matter splattered on otherwise pristine walls.

The lives he took haunted him no matter how much he convinced himself that he did it for the sake of the greater good.

The moment he signed that contract, he was bound forever. There was no escape.

So Doosik learned to numb himself.

It was self-preservation, if anything. You learn to live with it or you don't, he chose the former.

Once again, Doosik made a choice.

He completed mission after mission. Killed person after person, the optics didn't matter. He was a monster, he was recruited to be one so he might as well embody it.

Flying never made him sick, but now it did. After a long day of completing a mission, he would heave out the contents of his stomach.

So Doosik wouldn't eat before a mission. The problem was that he was always assigned one mission after the other. So he opted to rest instead of eating a full meal.

He learned to despise his missions and, by extension, his abilities because he wouldn't be handpicked by Mr. Min had it not been for his extraordinary ability to fly.

Still, Doosik stayed silent throughout his inner turmoil. The ANSP wouldn't bother him unless his performance was directly affected.

He had never failed a mission. Ever.

Until today.

Something about that long-haired woman in a light blue hanbok.

She was beautiful, he could admit being enraptured by her looks and the performance she put on, but her beauty wasn't what snapped Doosik out of the self-preservatory trance he'd forcefully put himself in for years now.

There was an abundance of beautiful men and women he'd met every time he was out on a mission, but he never faltered.

No, it wasn't her beauty that made him waver.

It was her mercy.

Doosik knew about her. His superiors did tell him about a new agent joining them on this mission, top of her class and practically an ace. He didn't bother learning her name, but he knew a new face when he saw one.

She wasn't stupid. She knew what she was doing when she picked the wrong bomb.

What she did was a display of mercy, something Doosik had long since forgotten about.

A foreign feeling of warmth spread through his chest and he paused.

For the first time in his life as a black ops agent, he took a breath and paused on the field.

Next thing he knew, Moonsan had a 99% success rate.

He never forgot that woman despite not knowing her name. He didn't know what happened to her, but he wouldn't be surprised if she was slapped with a sanction so terrible it would ban her from field missions for quite some time.

Ever since he saw that woman's display of mercy, something awoke in him, it was like he'd been doused in cold water and the human part of himself that he kept locked away resurfaced.

It happened gradually, but it was noticeable, especially by ANSP standards.

Doosik started questioning Mr. Min's orders. He began to go against what was commanded of him. The last straw was when he tried to stop a passenger plane from being blown to bits even at the risk of exposing himself to civilians.

It was only because of his otherwise untainted record that he was cleared for missions again. Although he didn't get out completely unscathed because Mr. Min gave him Jang Juwon as a partner to accompany him in future missions.

Doosik learned of the woman's name: Lee Mihyun. Judging by the sheer number of their coincidental interactions, Doosik knew that Min was behind it.

He didn't know what Min promised Lee Mihyun in exchange for gaining his trust, but Doosik couldn't care less. He just couldn't wait to get to know the woman who had woken him from his long trance.

He stopped throwing up and started to find flavor in his meals again, it was hard not to when Mihyun would describe the ingredients with such detail.

Flying felt like being free especially if he was flying to where Mihyun was.

All Doosik felt was that time passed by swiftly when he was with Lee Mihyun, as if he couldn't get enough moments with her. When they were apart, it's like time slows down in the most painstaking way possible.

However, he had to be away from her, Doosik was being hunted by the agency. His defection put the ANSP in a precarious situation so he knew he couldn't see her without placing her in jeopardy. 

Doosik was aware that the agency remained as powerful as ever despite its so-called "dissolution", but he couldn't help himself. How could he when it felt as if time had stopped for him and the only way to keep it moving was to fly to wherever Lee Mihyun was.

He continued to visit her from a safe distance, the nearest possible place he could see her without alerting her senses.

The only time he got caught was when he wanted to get caught: the first rainfall after a long heat wave and the first snowfall of the year.

Although Doosik almost slipped once during her father's funeral. He couldn't help himself when all he wanted was to wrap his arms around her and assure her that she wasn't alone.

Mihyun almost made him, had he not caught himself.

"I miss you, Lee Mihyun." Doosik sighed, tugging on the chains wrapped around his ankles. He tried yanking on the heavy and rusted chains around his wrists to no avail. "I miss you, Kim Bongseok."

He tried and it's been years, but he hasn't been able to fly to Mihyun or Bongseok. He hasn't been able to do the one thing he does whenever he longed for Mihyun.

For the first time in his life, Doosik was tethered and it wasn't by choice.

He allowed himself to remain rooted on the ground for his family's sake. He knew he had to keep a low profile so the family he and Mihyun built would be preserved, but the agency was now under a whole new identity, it had rebuilt itself from the ashes, and it remained as powerful as ever.

His cell was dark but he was granted a small opening where Doosik could take a peek of the sky. The sky was clear and there weren't a lot of stars tonight, there were only two bright ones that he could count.

He knew Mihyun was looking up at the same sky, she always was. "I'll come home, Mihyun-ah. Soon, I promise."