Chapter Text
My everything ached, entire body throbbing with pain.
"Motherfucker…" I grunted, forcing my body up on hands and knees to assess my situation.
I hadn't seen the car, not noticing as it careened towards me in the icy parking lot. Someone had screamed a warning, but when I looked up, I froze. My legs wanted to move, urged me to flee, to run, I could make it if I tried really hard… Thank the gods, I don't have to try anymore. I'm so tired.
I hadn't been able to look away as a car slammed into me, pinning me against my own, parked, car. The pain had been blinding, but thankfully brief, as I heard and felt a few snaps, and then darkness enveloped me.
Being able to move shouldn't be possible. Much less this low of a level of pain after getting flattened by a truck.
I blinked my eyes open again, curiosity spurring me on. I was in an old wood forest, the trees so tall I wasn't sure I could see the tops of them. There was the sound of wildlife around, but strangely, I wasn't afraid. Ivy was beneath my fingertips, few shrubs growing with such huge trees shading everything so beautifully. I was certain Earth didn't have forests like this anymore.
Is this the afterlife? Am I… am I dead? I breathed in deeply, relishing the clean smell of the air, almost sweet in taste. Looking down at myself, I noticed I was still wearing the clothing I had put on this morning, including my favorite goth jacket that was currently way too hot for a summer forest. Stripping out of my jacket, leaving me in my tunic shirt, I peered around some more, not wanting to wander too far away, but already my throat was dry from the heat and beads of sweat gathering on my brow.
If this is the afterlife, why is it hot? Unease began to filter through me, and my ears twitched at the next twig snap, but no other sound was forthcoming. I strained my ears, holding my hands up to my ear to try and see if I could hear water running nearby.
Rotating back and forth slowly, I paused as the sound of moving water finally caught my attention. Sighing in relief, I gathered my jacket, carrying it with me to the source.
It was a small stream, the sound growing louder as I approached. It was only a couple of hand spans wide, but the water was clear and moving quickly through plenty of rocks.
If this is the afterlife, I won't get sick drinking river water, right? There were already many things pointing to wherever I was, not in fact, being the afterlife, but I wished to deny such a thing until I could truly confirm. And how will you do that, genius?
Frowning, I knelt down, wincing as the tight muscles of my back protested at me bending to get my drink. I don't think pain is supposed to be part of the afterlife. Fear and panic were trying to draw closer, only barely held off through my powers of fierce denial and avoidance.
Standing back up, I stepped over the stream, deciding to walk beside it for a while. My sneakers weren't necessary for the soft mossy bank, so I took off both them and my socks, smiling at the texture. I walked for a ways until the stream began to widen and deepen, a few other streams coming to join together to form a creek or river. Pausing at the converging sight, my eyes picked out several rocks in the shallows with holes all the way through them.
Gasping in delight, I bent down and scooped them up, admiring their size and shape. My hand went to the braided hemp cord I wore around my neck, relieved to find the rock still there. I stuffed my new finds into my pocket, setting down my jacket on the side and wading into the water, carefully inspecting the bed for more.
Soon enough I found several more rocks with holes all the way through them. My hands jittered with excitement at my finds, fingers flexing and curling in delight. The stones were smooth to the touch of course, having been thoroughly worked over by the water for who knows how long, at least six sat in my open hands.
A loud splash had my head snapping up, eyes blowing wide and body freezing.
Across the water from me… was a massive tiger. Like, I had never seen one in real life (thanks zoo for the cage always being changed or under construction or whatever the fuck when I would try to visit), but I was very sure that it was not supposed to be taller than me. It was staring at me, eyes intent.
Panic was making me stupid, as usual, and I scrambled to try and remember any safety tips I knew of large animals. Hopefully a tiger is close enough to a bear and a mountain lion for this to work. My shaky memory that failed me at the best of times, was not at all sure if this would work, or which fact was jumbled with what, but usually, making yourself look big was always a good bet.
I began to creep my foot back, preparing to draw myself up to my full, if pitiful, height of 5'2. I nearly fell over backwards however, when the tiger Stood Up And Turned Into A Hot Man. Instead, my mind raced with questions too fast to catch long enough to understand, much less make my tongue formulate. So instead my mouth hung open for a moment before an incredibly intelligent "Huh??" left.
The man had his head tilted and– oh gods he is naked.
My face flushed bright red, eyes straining to not stare. But it's just there for the staring! Why can't I?!
"Female? Are you out here alone?" The naked man that had previously been a tiger asked, stopping several feet away, well outside of my personal bubble. I couldn't help but study his face in an effort to force my eyes to behave. It was handsome, hair a deeper burgundy than the fur of his tiger form, and hung straight down his back. Oh fuck, those shoulders. His eyes were a piercing green, currently looking increasingly concerned as I continued to not answer his question. Strong jaw, no stubble though, that's interesting. I wonder what he thinks of my whole ass beard?
The question, which had sent immediate alarm bells ringing through my head, perked its head again in my mind. This mans was literally just a tiger. He is dangerous. I took a step back, looking away from his face, trying to sneak my hand into my pocket, where I kept my switchblade, without being noticed.
"Are you alright, female? Where are your mates?" The tiger man took a step closer, concern twisting his pretty face.
My eye twitched, lips pulling back in a warning snarl, no sound, just show for now. Motherfucker, what kind of backwards, sexist shit is this? Bitch better stop calling me 'female' before I do my best to eviscerate him. Damn I'm glad this bloodlust is good for something, nice distraction from the fear. Can I die again in the afterlife?
He abruptly halted, hands coming up in a placating gesture. "Please, I mean you no harm. It is not safe for a female to be out here alone." He was clearly trying to be soothing, but he kept creeping forward.
In a flash I had my switchblade in hand, handle flipped so the blade ran along my forearm from my grip. I brandished my weapon, my shoulders raised to try and make myself look bigger. I am a threat damnit!
It was now that I noticed that while most of him was human looking, he still had the tail and ears of a tiger. His ears had swiveled, pressing back in alarm at my sudden movement, tail flicking back and forth.
"Back the fuck up," I growled, trying to make my voice deeper. It never works as well as I would have hoped, the fear pitching me up. I grit my teeth, allowing an actual growl to hurl from my throat as he opened his mouth instead of backing up first.
Now thoroughly alarmed, the tiger backed up a step, hands still up. His pupils had dilated when I had growled, I wasn't sure what kind of sign that was, but since he complied I wasn't going to try to read into it. He could kill me easily as a tiger, it would stand to reason that he probably could kill me shaped like a man.
I stood there panting, the adrenaline spike beginning to wear off. I was trying to wrap my head around what I had just seen. Eyes narrowed, I addressed him. "Is this the afterlife?"
If I thought he looked concerned before, it was nothing to the distress he was showing now. "No? Female, if you are hurt, I can take you to the healer–"
I cut him off. "What the fuck was that, just then? You were a tiger, now you're a man." A small part of my brain was beginning to get concerned at his reactions. I tried to shove it away. Not right now, don't think about it right now. Get out of this situation and then you can freak out about this.
The tiger strode forward, apparently so concerned that he was willing to ignore my warning.
I snarled, slashing the blade through the air, inches from his skin, nearly the same shade of beige as me, causing him to flinch back.
"I said, back the fuck up!" My face is twisted in what I hope is an intimidating expression, teeth bared and nostrils flared, brow lowered and eyes narrowed. I felt my feet scramble back, my shoulders hunching in on myself as the adrenaline began to pump anew.
"Female, please– you are clearly ill, let me–" The tiger man was trying for pleading but I wouldn't have it.
"Explain!" I demanded, a memory trying to pull through the general debris in my mind. "If this isn't the afterlife, then where is this? How are you able to turn into a tiger? Or is turning into a human form the trick?" I snapped my mouth shut when I realized my fear was making me ramble. I felt bark at my back, and even though a part of me felt relieved to lean against the ancient wood, too big a part of me was aware of how I had cornered myself.
"We are outside of Dusk Garde, a small city on the edge of this ancient forest. I am a fully awakened, two striped beastman, all awakened beastmen can shift into their bestial forms at will." He was frowning as though clearly concerned for my mental health. Too late for that buddy, that ship sailed a long time ago.
The memory I had struggled to recall shot to the forefront of my mind as if summoned with magic. Beastmen? As in that genre of reverse harem I got into a few years back? …hmm I could still be in the afterlife if this is the case. I felt my cheeks heat up, eyes darting to where he was still standing, very naked.
"What is your name?" I demanded, blade still at the ready, but thankfully I wasn't as tense since he hadn't made a move towards me again.
"Jun, of the Eastern Tiger Clan." He replied, eyes warily regarding me. Good.
I nodded. "You can call me Eowyn, if you keep calling me female this blade is going through your balls." I warned, mind twitching in discomfort. Never give your real first name away! Gods, even though you phrased it correctly it's too dangerous with this many unknowns!
Jun brightened up considerably, despite my threat. Not a threat, a promise. His loss if he doesn't get it. His ears stood up straight, and his tail swished behind him lazily. I wanted to smile at the sight, but held myself back, the adrenaline was really fading now, and I could feel my legs and hands beginning to shake violently. Soon I wouldn't even be able to hold my blade. Get him out of here, or you can get out of here, either one really.
I was grateful for the tree I was braced against, otherwise I would've sunken to the ground.
"F– Eowyn, please, let me take you to the healer. You do not look well." Jun looked anxious, hands stuttering in their reach for me.
"Well, that's not very nice." I muttered, mind fogging with debris once more as questions refused to be caught. I sagged against the tree, hands shaking so badly that my blade fell from my hand. "Shit." I cursed, stuffing my hand into my bag and pulling out the fresh box of cigarettes, snapping my lighter out as well. It was slow going, my hands fumbling the wrapping of the box several times, pissing me off more and making me shake worse.
At last I got one of my cigarettes out, quickly putting the filter to my lips so I could light it and take in my first pull of relaxation. Ahh, the burn was bliss.
My eyes cut to the side, taking in the beastman that hadn't left. I took a drag of my cigarette, exhaling the smoke in a cloud that I aimed up. He hadn't moved closer so I wouldn’t be a dick and blow it at him. Unless that's what it took to get him to leave. His intense stare was starting to make me uncomfortable again.
"What?" I snapped, face pinching as I flicked ash away.
"You… you have the power of fire?" Jun asked in wonder, eyes wide, even as his nose crinkled in disgust at the smell of my smoke.
I raised an eyebrow, debating for a moment with myself on how honest I should be. Ha, like I've got a choice, I'm a shit liar even if he couldn't hear my heart rate. "Not technically. I have a device that has two very small striking stones, and a supply of fuel so that I can get a flame. Mostly useful for cigs like this," I raised my vice, taking a nice long drag before continuing, blowing the smoke up. "Or really anything you need a small flame for." I shrugged, ashing again. My shaking was better but hadn't stopped.
He watched the movement, face still scrunched. "Eowyn, what exactly are you doing with that small smoke thing? It smells awful."
"I'm inhaling the smoke produced from the burning of packed and dried herbs, the smoke gives a brief feeling of euphoria and rush of endorphins." I explained happily and sarcastically because I'm classy like that. "It also has the nice side effect of being incredibly addictive. Thank the gods I put these in my purse and not the shopping bag, or I would be freaking out even more. The bestest part though, is that it greatly increases my chances for cancer."
Jun seemed confused on several of my words. Makes sense, they probably don’t know much about those kinds of diseases. If they even have those diseases here. The longer the silence stretched on, however, the deeper his frown became.
"Eowyn… why does it sound as though you wish to die?" Jun's words were incredibly blunt, his green eyes drawing me in.
I blinked a few times, something inside of me easing that I didn't know had been tight before. "Well, that's sorta how I got here." I tried to shrug it off, a different tightness rising in my throat and lungs. I took another long drag, dismayed to see how little left I had already.
He jerked, entire body flinching back. I could practically see him putting my words together. Before I could turn away, not wanting to see his rejection at someone clearly so broken, I saw his face crumple. I froze. Oh gods, this is so much worse. Jun's mouth opened, and I wanted my knife again. I didn't want to hear his tearful pleadings that I 'shouldn't think that way' and that 'things could get better' I just had to be patient. As if he understood even a little bit what events lead to my mindset–
"That's… I can't imagine the pain you must have been in." Tears sprung to my eyes, and I inadvertently ducked my head to hide. "I… I can try to make this a good afterlife for you?" I bit my lip to try to avoid laughing. His words were so earnest and sweet; they had hit me harder than I liked, the tears now freely flowing, and small hiccups sounding. I put out my finished cigarette, clutching my face to wipe away the tears.
He doesn't understand how broken you are then, and by the time he does, you'll be too close to him and it will hurt all the more when he rejects you. Idiot, don't trust him just because this seems like that beastworld harem shit. You have no real idea. For all you know, you could be stuck in a coma right now, dreaming all of this. And you know what happens to you when you realize it’s a dream and try to have any kind of control right? I pressed my palm to my mouth, curling fully in on myself and trying to stop my racing thoughts, rocking back and forth. It all goes to shit, nothing works like it's supposed to, and it turns into a nightmare. If this is a coma, and it turns into a nightmare… how long will I have to endure it? I won't be able to wake up.
I was trying desperately to hold myself together, my breathing erratic. A part of my brain tried to scream above the cacophony that I cannot have this breakdown right now, right in front of a dangerous stranger! The thought had barely crossed my mind before I felt two hands press to my body. I couldn't even focus on where, my mind throwing itself into a volcano of terror.
Going rigid, I screamed with all I had, the sound so piercing I clapped my hands over my ears. Memories flashed of the few times I had had to use a scream like this, making everything worse. Yay.
The hands were immediately gone, but I couldn't relax even a little bit.
The scream tapered off because I ran out of air, and I resumed rocking and crying, my eyes squeezed shut. Stop it, stop it. Shut it down, shut it down, deal with it later. I heard a growl and the tears refused to stop.
"Female! What has happened? Has this male done something to you?" The new voice made exhaustion grip at me.
Gods, just go away! Please! I curled tighter, pressing my hands tighter over my ears, plugging them with my fingers even. Stop, just stop please it's too much– please just stop. My hands were already starting to hurt from how tightly I was holding my head. The sobbing made me light-headed, the tears making my nose snot grossly, plugging it up, so I only had my mouth to breathe from, which was busy hiccuping.
More words were said, but thankfully I could block out the meaning enough to not pay attention. Too many strains of thought whirred through my mind at once, concepts acknowledged before fully formed, arguments made back and forth pointlessly. Why didn't it end? I just wanted it to stop hurting! Why am I being punished for just wanting it to stop? What am I going to do now? Should I give up? What would I even try to do? What's the point if I just keep getting transported to some strange world? Do I know the rules here though? How different are they really from the works I would read? What if I am dreaming? What if I'm not? What if I'm stuck here for the rest of my life? What about books? And music? How will I not be bored out of my mind? Do they have books and music??? What if I get sick– wait. In the books, there were always more men than women. Oh gods no, I can't do this, I can't live surrounded only by men. No, please no, not after my life, not– please no– I'd rather be dead. Please gods I'd rather be dead.
The growls started back up again, but this time I was forced to pay attention, forcibly yanked from my thought process. A new set of hands had been laid on me, these gripping my biceps.
I froze again, rage swelling inside of me.
"Female, please cease, what is wrong?" The voice was so concerned that I almost shut down my anger, but my control was too fragile during a meltdown, my anger too overwhelming for me to reign in.
My bare foot found my knife, gripping it with my toes and bringing it up quick to my hand. I grabbed the handle and stabbed up, aiming for the forearm of the man holding me. The blade missed flesh by a hairsbreadth, as the man yanked himself away– or wait, no, Jun had yanked him away as he let go.
I studied the second male, just as I had Jun, wiping my face and forcing away the anger and confusing emotions. Later, you can break down later when you're safe. When will I be safe? Later. Later… later….
He was massive, even taller than Jun and much broader in the shoulders. I wanted to drool, as they were bare and were so very broad, but held onto my anger like a shield. Showing interest is dangerous here. It wasn't like I could help it with him being naked and standing there growling at Jun.
His skin was brown, chest, arms and legs pretty much as hairy as I was. His eyes were a little small and as black as his hair, which flowed loose down his back. His face was more square than Jun’s, nose a little snub shape that was honestly adorable. He also had a large four claw scar cutting across one shoulder and down his chest a little.
Finally, I noticed that he was speaking to me.
"–le has hurt you, I promise I'll–"
I cut him off with a motion of my hand, tilting my head to the side. "He didn't hurt me, both of you stop posturing." My voice almost sounded strong enough to not seem as though I had just been sobbing a moment ago. I was almost proud of myself.
Both Jun and the newcomer looked as if they didn't quite believe me, but backed down regardless.
"Sit." I demanded, watching them both warily as they obeyed without question. I approached slowly, but stopped far enough away that they couldn't reach out and grab me. I looked between the two of them, glaring, trying to decide what exactly to do.
"Tell me who you are." I directed my question to the newcomer.
He smiled uneasily under my scrutiny. "My name is Olan, of the Western Bear Clan. I am a fully awakened, three stripe beastman." Olan seemed to grow more confident, pushing out his chest slightly as he finished.
I raised an eyebrow. Oh wow, a bear? Hmm… if I could only enjoy myself, then man, I could really enjoy myself here. "What were you thinking putting your hands on me?"
Olan's face paled at my words, mouth hanging open.
Pursing my lips, I waited, eyes narrowing. "I'm waiting."
He grimaced, glancing to Jun who wouldn't meet his gaze, instead looking at me. I was uncomfortable being stared at, wanting to deflate so badly and just find a hole to crawl into so I can finish breaking down and hopefully accepting my new reality.
"You sounded so sad, and this male wasn't doing anything to help you! I heard your scream and thought maybe he had done something, but you weren't responding–" He was trying to explain, words just as earnest as Jun's had been. How are these men so good at setting my heart fluttering?
I cut him off with another look. "You do not touch without asking and receiving a positive answer. Fuck, do I have to teach you two what 'consent' means?" I grumbled, feeling a little bad about fussing them, but knowing it was necessary to avoid problems in the future. What kind of future are you planning? You've never had a future before, why should that change now?
They both looked ashamed, hanging their heads.
"I… thank you for being concerned, even though you didn't have to." My face turned hot; now I was the one that couldn't look at either of them. "I'm sorry either of you had to see that, that wasn't fair to you." I bowed my head, sighing.
"No!" "You don't have to apologize for anything!" "Please, do not be sad, female! Of course I had to!" Both Jun and Olan began shouting at once, their voices a physical wave of sound that made me flinch back, curling away from them. The two quieted, Jun even making a small mewling sound, similar to when my cat had noticed I was upset and tried to comfort me.
The two emotions were incredibly jarring, and it was exhausting trying to process it all. I wanted to cry again, longing for my cat so I could snuggle her.
"Gods, this is too much." I whimpered, trying in vain to wipe away my tears. I tried rocking again, hands clenched in my lap.
A new sensation, warm and rough on the back of my neck. I went rigid, glancing to the side to see a massive tiger trying to lick my neck to soothe me. Instead of trying to fight it, I melt into the touch, my hands reaching up and grasping at fur, turning myself so my face is pressed into russet fur. The licking gets more enthusiastic, going up to my cropped hair and dragging through the short strands.
The motion is soothing, the rasping sound sending tingles down my spine.
I sigh as I finally begin to relax, exhaustion slamming into me not unlike the car that sent me here. I crumple against Jun, eyes closed before I hit his side.