Chapter 1: 𝔬𝔫𝔢
Notes:
ON CHAPTERS WITH REGULAR SMUT, THERE WILL BE A STAR(*) BY THE TITLE.
ON CHAPTERS THAT DEPICT DOMESTIC ABUSE, THERE WILL BE TWO STARS(**) BY THE TITLE.
ON CHAPTERS THAT DEPICT NONCON/DUBCON SCENES, THERE WILL BE THREE STARS(***) BY THE TITLE
This fanfiction deals with domestic abuse later on. Here are some resources you can use to educate yourself or help prevent domestic violence. Some are support resources you can use if you are a victim of DV. The last link is a Crisis Hotline you can use if you are currently in a situation like that.
1. https://ncadv.org/about-us
2. https://www.safehorizon.org/#
3. https://padv.org/padvs-charity-rating/
4. https://www.futureswithoutviolence.org/
5. https://urinyc.org/history/
6. https://www.ywca.org/history
7. https://www.doorwaysva.org/about-us/
8. https://houseofruth.org/about-us/history-of-house-of-ruth/
9. https://www.lifewire.org/about/
Chapter Text
Important Information: I'm adding another OC, Astraea, into this story. Her whole story is called Dark Paradise, also on my account. If you don't want to read it, it's not a big deal. It takes place after this, and Evelina is in it, as well.
Her name pronunciation:
Evelina: (Ev-uh-leen-uh)
Eve: (Eve)
Eva: (Eve-uh)
Evie: (Eve-ie)
‧‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙
‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙
age: 7
"You're so lucky to have wings," Mor pouted as we stepped along in the library, a fake tiara on her head to match mine. "I wish I did."
"No, you don't," I denied, rolling my violet eyes as I tucked my little wings in. "You're a female. They'd just get clipped."
"Will yours be clipped?" my cousin wondered, tossing a book on the floor when she was done leafing through it.
"Daddy says he won't let them clip my wings," I boasted, holding my head high. "He'll save my wings just like he saved Mother's."
The disappointed pout on her lips made me feel bad for discouraging her. We were both adorning large, fancy dresses that were supposed to only be for special occasions, such as balls.
Her golden hair had been curled by my mother this morning, and my dark locks had been braided.
We had gotten into my mother's makeup, and now our eyelids were covered in sparkles, our lips smeared with messy, red lipstick. The mascara on our lashes had been smudged, but neither of us cared.
I felt a talon at the edge of my mind, and I rolled my eyes before letting it in. My brother and I shared the skills of the Daemeti, which only ever got us into trouble.
Meet me at the top of the stairs.
The sound of my brother's voice echoed in my mind, sparking a surge of excitement. With a radiant smile, I seized Mor's hand and joyfully dragged her up the stairs.
I reveled in the thrill of disrupting the stillness that wrapped around quiet spaces. The library's hush was an irresistible challenge; the only whispers came from the flutter of turning pages.
As we ascended to the top floor, my brother's violet gaze caught mine from across the the library. A playful grin spread across my face, and I dashed toward him.
However, in my haste, I slipped on a spill of oil on the shiny floors, and both Mor and I tumbled to the ground. Rhys' laughter swelled in the air as he approached us.
Struggling to regain our composure, my cousin and I clung to the railing for balance. A quick glance revealed a scholar who had also fallen victim to the slippery floor, landing with a thud.
I pressed my lips together, fighting back a burst of laughter at the unexpected commotion we had caused.
"What did you do?" Mor giggled.
With a mere flick of his fingers, the spiral path before us shimmered to life, bathed in a sheen of glowing oil. It seemed that a shared strategy had formed simultaneously in our minds.
Linking hands, Mor, Rhys, and I approached the brink of the glistening path. Rhys gently seated Mor and me before propelling us forward, leaping in right behind. Our shrieks and laughter echoed as we glided effortlessly down the spital path, Rhys's grip firm on our arms.
My dark hair danced in the breeze, and my smile stretched. As we whizzed past the second floor, the sight of scholars slipping on the slick trail sent me into fits of laughter.
Unexpectedly, a firm grasp on the collar of my dress halted my descent. I let out a grunt, looking up to find my mother, who also firmly held Rhys, halting his slide. My halted momentum prevented Mor from slipping any further.
With a snap of our mother's fingers, the oil vanished as if it had never been, and within moments, she winnowed us back to the safety of the House of Wind.
Her hazel eyes set in a severe gaze, arched eyebrow, and crossed arms instantly wiped the smiles from our faces. We scrambled to our feet, too intimidated to meet her stern eyes.
"What were you three thinking?" she scolded.
"It was Rhys's idea," Mor snitched, pointing at him. He slapped her arm away.
"Stop it," Mother warned, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Evelina, you've ruined two perfectly good dresses."
"I only ruined one; Mor ruined the other!" I defended myself, glancing down at the now ripped gown, coated in oil.
"Yes, but they were both your dresses, and you are responsible for them," Mother lectured. "I worked very hard on them, and you know they are not play clothes."
I rolled my eyes at the words I had heard a million times before.
"Go to your rooms."
"But it's only 5:00!" Rhys argued.
"What about supper?" I demanded with a pout as Mor crossed her arms.
"No supper tonight," she decided with a shake of her head. I groaned along with the other two. "Bed. Now."
I stomped my foot once before turning on my heel and dragging my feet down the hall.
"You're always getting us into trouble," I hissed at my brother.
"We have to stop hanging out with you," Mor agreed, taking my hand.
"I didn't force either of you to slide down the path."
I sneered at him as Mor and I paced down the corridor and into my bedroom. She huffed and plopped down on my bed.
My bedroom in the House of Wind was my little sanctuary. The sheets were deep violet, made of silk. There was a lavender canopy that made me feel like the princess that I was. The windows gave me a perfect view of the stars, and the walls were a deep blue, with stars painted on them. My mother had done that. They were enchanted to glow in the dark.
"I'm hungry!" she complained dramatically, stretching out on the mattress. I giggled and jumped up beside her.
"If we go to sleep, breakfast will be here soon."
"Well, I'm not tired," she scoffed.
"I can get us both to sleep," I assured her.
Her eyebrow arched as I extended my hand towards her. Remembering the teachings of an ancient Fae I had encountered in the hushed aisles of the library, I focused my intent.
From my palm, a delicate spiral of violet magic unfurled, weaving through the air like a gentle breeze. It danced around the room, casting a serene glow.
Mor's eyelids fluttered heavily, a sign of the enchantment taking hold, and a wave of weariness washed over me as well. The air was soon filled with the tranquil aroma of lavender, further deepening the spell's calming embrace.
As the magic's pull grew stronger, I succumbed to its lulling caress, collapsing onto the soft embrace of my bed. Mor, too, yielded to the spell's tender grasp, drifting into a peaceful slumber alongside me.
‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙
age: 7
The view from the bridge was nothing short of breathtaking. I flew, just high enough to peer over the railing. Rhys's firm grasp on my hand anchored me, a gentle reminder to not ascend too far into the beckoning sky.
Below, the water was a canvas of shimmering hues, reflecting the vibrant life of the city that sparkled like a scattering of precious gems. The night sky, a tapestry of twinkling stars, mirrored itself on the water's surface, creating an ethereal pool of celestial light.
The city's aroma was a vivid tapestry of existence, with the richness of its food so tantalizing that it made the fare back home seem utterly tasteless by comparison.
I allowed my eyes to flutter shut, inhaling deeply, the fragrance intermingling with the lively symphony of voices that rose from the bustling streets below.
"I want to live in Rainbow one day," I announced. My mother laughed.
"So you shall, my dear," she promised, taking in the view for herself.
"Rhysie, are you going to live here too?" I wondered. He shrugged and put his free hand in his pocket. "I want to bring Mor next time."
"She'll be visiting soon," Mother assured me. "And you can bring her here as much as you want."
A firm grip clutched my arms and tugged me to the ground. I turned to pout at my father, who stood tall, his face solemn, his violet eyes quite serious as he stared down at me.
"Not yet," I pleaded, sticking out my lower lip. "Just ten more minutes."
"We all have to get up early, little Eva," he reminded me, stroking my cheek.
I felt tears well up in my eyes, which made him sigh. He lifted me over his shoulder as my usual tantrum began. It didn't matter if I kicked and screamed, it never worked in my favor.
Chapter 2: 𝔱𝔴𝔬
Chapter Text
‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙
‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙
age: 8
The birds of Velaris were incredibly elegant. My mother had me tucked in her arms as we sat on the balcony outside my bedroom, staring at the flying creatures.
"They're called starlings," she told me, planting a kiss on the side of my head.
"That's what you call me," I remembered, turning my head to look at her beautiful face.
I had been her 'little starling' for as long as I could remember. I loved it, even though I had no idea what it meant. I always assumed it was because the word 'star' was in it and I was the Princess of the Night Court.
"Yes," she smiled, turning me around in her lap so that I was fully facing her. "My little starling."
I grinned, resting my head on her shoulder. She hugged me tight, brushing my hair back. I loved these peaceful mornings when Father was training and Rhys was still asleep. When it was just me and her.
The air was crisp this time of year, but it was a nice and quiet morning, except for the chirping of the birds. My mother always smelled of vanilla. To me, it was the most comforting scent in the world.
"Good morning," I heard in my head.
"Don't ruin this morning for me," I warned my brother, the peace I felt coming to a halt as quickly as glass could shatter.
"What makes you think I'd ruin it?"
"You always get us into trouble."
"You're never completely innocent when that happens."
"Shut up and leave me alone."
His voice faded from my mind and I sighed, snuggling closer to my mother. My mother chuckled at something and I glanced up at her curiously.
"Your brother just informed me that you're being mean to him," she teased. I rolled my eyes and put my head back down.
"He should know better than to bother me in the morning," I grumbled.
I closed my eyes again and tried my best to replicate that feeling of tranquility that I had felt just moments before.
The door to the balcony slammed open and I groaned, lifting my head to look at Rhys. He had an irritating grin on his face.
"Go away!" I snapped.
"Evelina Lily Estrella, be nice to your brother," Mother scolded. "And Rhysand, do not irritate her on purpose."
"Sorry," we both mumbled at the same time.
"There's plenty of room for both on you on my lap," she assured us.
Rhys beamed, rushing over to us and jumping onto her lap. I shoved him backwards, but Mother's arm kept him from falling. She shot me a warning glance, and I begrudgingly decided to share her with my brother for the morning.
‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙
My nerves were getting the best of me. Our parents had called us in for a meeting before breakfast, which was never good.
Last time, it meant we had to accompany them to a High Lord meeting. It was been utterly boring, and I had jumped into the Dawn Court fountain in the middle of it. My father had been utterly furious.
Rhys was gripping my hand tight enough to worry me as we stepped down the corridor, entering the sitting room.
"What are they going to tell us?" I asked into Rhys's head.
"I think I might know."
He did not elaborate on that, which would've infuriated me if my anxiety hadn't been eating me alive.
Our parents both stood, waiting for us in the sitting room. Mother immediately strode over to us, her arms held out and a comforting smile on her lips.
"Good morning, my dears," Mother greeted us, kissing us both on the head. She had never greeted us with such nervousness in her eyes.
"What's going on?" I asked, glancing around the room. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary
"You have a decision to make, Eve," Father announced, his violet eyes boring into mine. My head tilted to the side as my eyebrows furrowed.
"What?"
"Rhysand is going to train in Windhaven," he explained. "And your mother is going with him." Fear tugged at my heart.
"Why?" I demanded, turning to my mother with wide eyes.
"So he can continue his education," she said softly, brushing my hair back as she knelt before me. "Now, you can stay here with your father, or come with us. We will live there for a long while, though. About ten years."
"Ten years?" I replied, my voice breaking as tears stung my eyes.
"Yes," she nodded softly, cupping my face in her hands
I had absolutely no desire to live in those cold mountains, but I didn't want to be away from Mother and Rhys either.
I loved my father very much, but I could bare to be away from him. I wasn't as close to him as I was to Rhys and Mother. And he had never really paid much attention to me, anyway. Attention was something I very much needed.
"What about Mor?" I asked, my lower lip quivering.
"She'll visit us just as often," Mother promised, wiping the tears that had fallen from my eyes.
"I'll go with you," I decided, though my voice was barely above a whisper.
"Then you should pack tonight," Father announced, very nonchalant about his wife and children leaving him for a decade.
"Tonight?" I snapped, my voice squeaking with outrage.
I turned to Rhys, who wouldn't meet my gaze. How long had he known about this without telling me? We never kept anything from each other. I stomped my foot and stormed off, running into my bedroom.
‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙
Tears silently streamed down my face as I stood in the doorway with my packed bag. Rhys was holding my hand again. He seemed nervous, but I was sure he was trying to hide it for my sake.
"Are you two ready?" Mother asked. We both nodded, although I wasn't so sure. "Don't worry, dears. You're both going to make lots of friends."
I doubted that. There weren't many girls there, and from what I'd heard, Illyria didn't look kindly on females.
Mother took both of our hands, squeezed them gently to reassure us, and then we were gone.
As soon as we arrived, the bitter cold hit me. We were on a snowy mountain, in front of a small cottage. The wind was relentless, and I suddenly understood why my mother had made us bundle up.
"Is this where we're staying?" I asked with a pout.
I had never known anything but the House of Wind, which was very spacious. I enjoyed the luxury of it, and the servants who made my food and cleaned up after me.
"Yes," she confirmed and opened the door. "Maybe you'll learn not to be so spoiled."
The cottage was just as cold inside as it was outside. I shuddered, gazing around the space. The small room had a fireplace with a bookcase over it. There was a beige couch across from the fireplace, and two large chairs on either side.
Behind the couch was a staircase that I assumed led to the bedrooms. A door behind me must've led to a bathroom, and on the wall beside the couch, there was a doorway that led to a kitchen.
"How far do I have to walk to get to where I train?" Rhys asked. "It's cold."
"Five minutes," she replied. "And you'll get used to it. I bought you both some nice leathers to keep you warm."
I plopped down on the couch in front of the fireplace. Mother started to put some wood in it.
There were times when I wished I was from the Autumn Court, just so I could start a fire whenever I wanted. But then I'd fly through the night sky and realize that I was lucky with my heritage.
Chapter 3: 𝔱𝔥𝔯𝔢𝔢
Chapter Text
‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙
‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙
age 8
"Rhysie!" I shouted as I ran to my brother's side.
I hadn't seen him all day, ever since he left for lessons this morning. My mother had gone to work, and I had been left alone to do my lessons.
Rhys was sitting on the windowsill, my mother having pulled up a chair behind him as she patched up his bleeding back, I froze, my eyes widening.
"What happened?" I demanded, staring at my mother.
"Rhysand got into a fight and received three lashings," Mother replied, irritation very evident in her voice.
I just knew he had gotten quite the scolding for it. I would've teased him were it not for the lashes on his back.
"Are you okay?" I wondered, turning my attention back to Rhys.
"I'm fine, Eve," he promised, reaching out to pat me on the head. I scoffed and ducked away from his hand.
He chuckled and continued to toy with me until something caught his attention. His eyebrows knit together, his eyes narrowing as he stared out the window.
I hopped up on the windowsill, pressing my face against the glass to see what he was so intently staring at.
All I could see was a little boy limping toward the tents, shivering and all alone. He couldn't have been much older than us.
"Where is he going, Mama?" Rhys wondered, glancing back at her.
"He's a bastard," she replied. "Bastards get nothing. They are to find their own food and shelter. If they survive and are picked to be in a war band, they'll be bottom rank forever, but they will receive their own tents and supplies. Until then, they stay out in the cold."
"But he's just a kid," I pointed out, eyes wide with concern.
"I know," she sighed. "It's terrible." She finished up with Rhys's wounds and stood up, brushing her hands off on her skirt. "I'm going to bed. I want you both asleep in an hour."
"Yes, ma'am," we both said in unison.
She went up the stairs, and when I heard the door to her room shut, I pressed my face against the window again. I could barely see him now, he was so far away.
"We have to help him," I told Rhys, the words a hushed whisper.
"I know," Rhys nodded. He pulled his shirt back on, wincing a bit as he did so. "Get your coat."
We both put on our coats, gloves, and hats before stalking out into the snow. I jumped onto Rhys's back, wrapping my arms around his neck as he held under my knees.
I pressed my face against his back, protecting it from the bitter cold as he walked towards the tents.
It took us a while to find the one the boy was in, but when we did, Rhys lowered me to the ground.
We both stared at the dilapidated tent before we crawled inside. He was already asleep on his side, soft snores filling the tent.
Rhys shook him awake. He groaned and turned to face us. His brows knit together as he took us in.
"What the--"
"Just shut up and come with us," Rhys cut him off.
The boy stared at the both of us for a few seconds before carefully sitting up. His shoulder-length hair was a tangled, dirty mess. His face was smeared with dirt and dried blood. Though, he was wearing Rhys's new training clothes, which looked fine.
Rhys let me jump on his back again as we walked the path to the house. The boy trailed behind, but still kept up with us.
He followed us without saying a word. Rhys and I exchanged a few words in our heads, but we didn't speak to him or give him an explanation.
Rhys carefully opened the front door as quietly as he could. He entered silently and I followed. Just when I thought we had gotten away with it, Rhys froze.
Our mother was standing in the living room with her arms crossed. Her hazel eyes were lit with fury.
"What do you two think you're doing?" she scolded. "I was worried . . . "
She trailed off when the boy entered the house. Mother's face fell, a depth in her eyes I couldn't read. She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose.
"You two are going to be the death of me," she muttered. She turned to the boy. "There's a bathtub with hot, running water. Jump in or go back to the cold."
The boy nodded. I nudged his arm and pointed to the bathroom so he knew where to go. He went, and our mother turned back to us.
"Get in bed, both of you," she snapped, her nostrils flaring.
"We haven't bathed yet--“
"No baths for either of you tonight," she decided, pointing to the staircase. "Straight to bed. Now."
‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙
Mother made pancakes for us every Monday morning, so Rhys and I were always in the kitchen early that day.
We were digging into our food when our mother stopped us. "Wait until everyone's at the table."
"I'm hungry," Rhys complained. I nodded in agreement, unable to speak with my mouth full of syrupy pancakes. But she didn't give in.
Fortunately, the boy came down a few moments after the complaint. His hair had been washed and brushed, and his face was no longer covered in dirt and blood. Rhys said they had shared a bed the night before, and the two had argued for an hour before they fell asleep.
"Good morning," Mother greeted him with a warm smile. "Pancakes?"
He stared at us for a second before nodding. He neared the table and sat down next to me.
Mother served him a plate and he didn't hesitate before inhaling it. Rhys grumbled about manners, but I didn't say anything. He looked like he hadn't eaten in a long time.
"Sorry for waking you last night," I said. "I'm Evelina."
"Cassian," he introduced himself with a full mouth.
"Nice to meet you," I smiled.
Rhys rolled his eyes at me and I stuck my tongue out at him. Our mother gave us both a scolding look.
"You're welcome to stay here, Cassian," Mother assured him. "I'm Iridessa."
"I know," he nodded. "You're the Lady of the Night Court." A friendly smile spread across her features.
"For now, you'll have to share a bed with Rhysand," she said. "But I can go into town and fetch another one. I'll also get you some more clothes and essentials. Until then, Rhysand will share his with you."
"I don't want to share," Rhys complained.
"It will only be for today," she promised. "I can get into town this evening."
Cassian nodded his thanks before serving himself more pancakes. He took the last one, and while I had wanted it, I didn't say anything.
"Well, you two should get going if you don't want to be late," she confirmed. The two got up and went to put on their shoes.
"Do I have to do my lessons today?" I demanded.
"You already know the answer to that, Eve," she sighed, brushing my hair back. I pouted and crossed my arms. I wondered if she'd let me skip them if I threw a big enough fit.
"She won't. Don't bother," Rhys said in my head.
‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙
age: 9
A year went by, and while Cassian and Rhys did nothing but fight, I had grown fond on the boy. He was kind to me, and Mother absolutely adored him.
He had gained weight, and no longer looked so gaunt. Mother gave him regular haircuts, despite his grumblings about liking it long.
Rhys, Cassian and I did our lessons together that afternoon, the three of us in my bedroom with our books. Cassian was a little behind, but Rhys and I were helping him catch up.
"What's this word?" I asked, pointing to a word in my book. Rhys glanced over my shoulder.
"Obnoxious," he read to me. "It means annoying. Like 'Cassian is obnoxious.'"
"Shut up, I am not," Cassian retorted, hitting my brother's shoulder.
"Both of you shut up," I warned, tired of their constant bickering. "I want supper tonight, and if you two fight, she'll send us to bed without it."
"Cassian! Rhysand! Evelina!" Mother's voice called from downstairs.
"I hate you both," I sneered as I stood up.
We clambered down the stairs, the three of us fighting and pushing each other until we reached the bottom.
"Stop fighting." We all froze and stopped our arguing.
"Sorry," the three of us grumbled in unison.
"I want you all to meet someone," she said very quietly.
A boy cautiously stepped out from behind her. He was staring at the ground, his black hair falling in his face. He was so small and malnourished, like Cassian had been. But this boy was a bit thinner--scrawnier.
Dark shadows cloaked him. I watched them with wide eyes as they moved around him.
His wings dragged on the ground, which seemed painful. I couldn't imagine dragging my own wings like that. Mine stretched up at the sight.
"This is Azriel," she introduced, her hand on his back. "Azriel, this is Cassian, Rhysand and Evelina."
"Nice to meet you," I smiled, stepping forward and holding out my hand.
His hazel eyes studied my hand, but he didn't reach for it. My mother shook her head at me, so I withdrew my arm with a frown.
"What are those things?" Cassian demanded, pointing to the shadows.
"Cassian," Mother scolded. "Don't be rude."
"But what are they?" Cassian insisted.
“He's a shadowsinger," Mother explained. I perked up.
"That's so cool!" I grinned, thinking of everything I had read about shadowsingers. "I've heard about them, but I've never met one." Azriel just stared without saying anything.
"Can't he talk?" Rhysand wondered, a hint of malice in his voice.
"I can speak," Azriel said quietly. His voice was soft and beautiful, like music.
"So you're just shy," Cassian observed, raising a brow.
"Leave him alone," I defended. I turned to the boy. "I can show you around. I promise I'm not as mean as they are."
"I already set up an extra bed in the boys' room," Mother told Azriel. "I'm going to town today to get you more clothes and some basic necessities." Azriel nodded, but didn't reply.
"Come on, I'll show you your room," I insisted, taking his hand.
He flinched and yanked his hand out of my grasp. I gazed down at it, stopping myself from gasping. There were awful scars twisting up and down his hands.
"Sorry," I said softly. "I won't touch you again if you don't want me to. Just follow me."
He followed me up the stairs and I glared at the other boys, telling them not to join us. This boy seemed much more delicate than Cassian had been. And I didn't want them teasing him.
I entered the boys' room, despite how much I hated having to go in there. It was a disgusting mess, clothes thrown everywhere. Azriel's new bed was the only one that was made, and it smelled like sweat.
"This is your room. Sorry it's such a mess. The boys are pigs," I told him. He sat down on the bed. "Sorry about Cassian and Rhys. They're assholes. And sorry for grabbing your hand."
"It's okay," he said quietly.
"Do they hurt?" I wondered. He gazed up at me, his dark eyebrows furrowed. "Your hands."
"Sometimes."
I pursed my lips, thinking. I stared at his hands again, at the scars on them. I wondered what could have left such awful marks.
"Come with me," I offered.
He stared, but got up and followed me to my bedroom. I went to my nightstand and took out my special healing lotion.
"Give me your hands," I instructed. He shook his head. "I'm not going to hurt you, Azriel."
I must've sounded sincere, because he carefully placed one of his trembling hands in my own. I smiled and put lotion on it. He gasped at the cold, but didn't protest as I massaged his hand.
"I had a teacher who used to whip my hands when I talked during lessons," I told him. "When I got home, my mother would put this special lotion on them and they always felt better. I keep it with me now because I like to skate and I hurt myself a lot."
He watched me with a curious expression, but said nothing as I worked the lotion into his hands.
"Is this okay?" I asked. He nodded and took a shuddering breath. "Rhys and Cassian are annoying, but they're not cruel."
I took his other hand and began to massage it as well. He stared down at his lap, and it felt almost like trust.
I felt something grab onto one of my braids and pull it into the air. My head shot to the side, only to see one of his shadows playing with my hair.
"I'm so sorry, I can't control them," Azriel gushed, his eyes wide with what seemed like worry and fear.
"It's okay," I giggled. "I don't mind. Do they have names?" He cocked his head to the side.
"Nobody's ever asked me that before," he said. "Yes. They do."
He introduce me to every single one of the shadows. Isra, Wynn, Nisha, Raven, Esther, and Ciaran.
‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙
Azriel and I grew quite close over the next month. I was the only one he'd really talk to. He would shut down whenever anyone else was around.
But that evening, when the boys got home and I finished my lessons, Mother sat us all down with a grave expression.
"Azriel, I've tracked down your sister," she announced.
The boy's head snapped up, his wide hazel eyes meeting my mothers'. He fidgeted with his hands.
"Is she okay?" he blurted out.
"She's upstairs," she sighed. "She's not feeling very well. Eve, you'll have to share a room with her. For now, a bed, as well. Until I can get her another."
"Okay," I replied, not minding that at all. It'd be like having a sister of my own.
Azriel hadn't told me much about her. He said she was five years older than him, which made her seven years older than me. She'd been left behind, and he'd been sent here.
"May I see her?" Azriel asked.
"Yes, but be gentle with her," she instructed. "I expect all of you to be kind to Astraea. She's been through a lot."
I knew that she was mostly speaking to the boys, because Rhys and Cassian had made a game out of tormenting Azriel.
Azriel went up to the bedroom that Astraea was staying in. I fidgeted with my hands, waiting for him to come back.
After a while, I got nervous. I got to my feet and began creeping up the stairs. I didn't like being away from Azriel for too long. It made me worry for him.
I knocked on the door before letting myself in. Azriel was sitting on the bed that I was to share with her. The two were speaking to each other in hushed voices as she held his hands in her own.
Astraea flinched when the door opened. I muttered an apology. She didn't look well at all. Her skin was marred with cuts and bruises.
She was just as thin as Azriel had been when he arrived, though he had gained some weight over the last month. If my math was right, she was about 16. But she looked a few years older than that.
Despite everything, she was very beautiful. Her curly brown hair had been washed, likely by my mother. She had blue eyes that had been dulled by whatever horrors she'd experienced.
I glanced down and saw that her hands were covered in scars, just like Azriel's. I hadn't asked him what happened yet. It felt rude. Even Cassian and Rhys hadn't brought it up. It seemed they knew there was a line that even they shouldn't cross.
"Raea, this is Evelina," Azriel introduced me. I smiled, approaching her. "This is my sister, Astraea."
"Nice to meet you," I said quietly. "I'm sorry for barging in. I was just making sure Azriel was okay."
"You worry too much," Azriel rolled his hazel eyes.
Astraea smiled softly at us, seemingly amused by our banter. She squeezed Azriel's scarred hands in her own.
"Thank you for looking out for him," Astraea said to me. "I appreciate it."
"Well, someone has to," I grinned. Azriel grumbled something about overprotective females. Astraea scolded him teasingly.
‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙
Chapter 4: 𝔣𝔬𝔲𝔯
Chapter Text
‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙
‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙
age: 10
Azriel's shadows flew around to entertain me at breakfast. I giggled at them, letting one wind around my finger. They'd grown to love me over the past month, truly doting on me.
"They've never taken to anyone like this before," Azriel said to me as he ate his eggs.
I grinned. Though we had only known each other for two months, I had never felt so connected with somebody before.
Astraea strolled into the kitchen to join the rest of us, filling her plate up with eggs. My brows knit together at the scent of her. Something was different. It was her scent, the one I'd come to know over the past month, but beneath it--something else. Something sweet.
I gazed over to my mother, whose face had grown solemn. She stood up and went to Astraea's side, placing her hands on her shoulders very delicately.
"What's wrong?" Astraea questioned, confusion stretched across her features as she took in our expressions.
"Astraea," Mother whispered, her voice breaking.
"What is it?" Astraea repeated, more urgent this time as something akin to fear sparked in her eyes.
"You're with child," Mother informed her.
My eyes widened as I exchanged a glance with my twin. She was only sixteen. Most Fae didn't bare children until their 200s. Sixteen was unheard of.
Astraea's face fell. The plate of eggs, slipped from her grasp and shattered on the floor. She shook her head, a hand going to her mouth, her blue eyes wide.
"I'm sorry, baby," Mother said to her, tears in her eyes.
Astraea tore herself from Mother's grip, rushing out of the room. Mother sighed, wiping the tears from her eyes.
"I'm going to talk to her," she informed us. "Please, please, be kind to her through this."
We were all well aware that was mostly speaking to Rhys, who had been quite rude to her in the past month. And of course, when Mother left, Rhys snickered.
"Rhys, don't be mean," I insisted.
"She's sixteen and with child," he pointed out through a mouthful of eggs.
"Exactly, so be nice to her," I snapped. I turned to Azriel, who was staring at his lap. "Az, you okay?" He nodded.
"She's not even married," Rhys mumbled.
"My mother wasn't married, either," Cassian snapped. I glanced at him, surprised to see him standing up for Astraea. "But that didn't make her a bad mother."
Cassian never spoke of his family. He hadn't told any of us what happened to his parents. He likely confided in my mother, but she had kept it from us, as well.
Cassian got to his feet, knocking his chair over as he stormed out of the kitchen.
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Since Astraea had been given the news that she was with child, she spent most of the day hidden away in our room. At night, I could hear her quietly crying, but I never said anything.
I only used my room to sleep now, deciding that giving her space was the best option. So I'd started doing my lessons on the couch.
The boys should have been back from training by now, but they'd been coming home late everyday this week. I hadn't called them on it, yet, but my suspicions were growing.
The door opened and the three came in. Cassian and Rhys were laughing about something, but Azriel was silent.
"Where have you guys been sneaking off to?" I demanded, pouting from feeling left out.
"Az can't fly," Cassian snickered.
Azriel stared at the floor in shame, his cheeks stained pink. I furrowed my brow, my heart wrenching at the sight. He'd told me very little about his upbringing, but I imagined there was a terrible story behind why he'd never learned.
"So?" I asked, crossing my arms.
"Cass is just giving him shit," Rhys assured me, sitting down next to me on the couch. "We're teaching him."
"Azzy, if they're too mean, I'll teach you," I said to the boy. He glanced up and met my eyes.
"They're good teachers," he admitted quietly.
I closed my book and stood up, stepping over to where Cassian and Azriel were still standing in the doorway. I studied his wings, being careful not to touch them.
There was some strength in the tendons of the silky black wings now. They sat higher than before.
"They seem to be getting stronger," I observed. "They don't drag as much as they used to."
"See?" Cassian said smugly. "We're amazing."
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I sat up straight in my bed, shaking and sweating, awakened by the loud thunder outside my window. I took a deep breath and wiped my brow.
Another bolt of lightning made me jump as the entire house shook. I gazed around my dark room, wishing I hadn't blown out the candle by my bed before I went to sleep.
"Astraea?" I whispered to the bed beside mine.
"Hmm?" she replied, obviously half asleep.
"Astraea, it's storming," I said in a hushed tone.
"I know," she grumbled, rolling over and falling back asleep.
Shivering, I climbed out of bed. I stumbled to the door, tripping over my boots. Once I was in the hallway, I placed my palm on the wall as I walked along.
I made it to the room the boys shared. Opening the door, I peered through. All three boys were sitting on Rhysand's bed, playing a game of cards.
"Oh, don't tell me you're scared too," Rhys teased when he noticed me. I glared, not answering as I rushed into his room and jumped onto the bed.
"Too?" I repeated, glancing at Cassian and Azriel. "You guys are scared?"
"Cassian got into my bed at the first sign of thunder," Rhys teased. Cassian glared at him. "Azriel only woke up a few minutes ago."
"I don't like when it makes the house shake," Azriel explained to me, his scarred fists clenching.
"Neither do I," I assured him with a soft smile.
The door creaked open and we all turned. Mother sighed when she saw us and crossed her arms.
"What's going on here?"
"They got scared," Rhys chattered.
"Shut up!" Cassian snapped, punching him in the shoulder.
Our mother smiled and made her way over to us. She put a comforting hand on Cassian's back, and he melted into her touch.
"Why don't I make you all some hot chocolate and then you can try to get some sleep, okay?" she decided. We nodded enthusiastically. Even Azriel seemed happy with this solution. "Come then."
Rhys didn't have his wings out, so I hopped on his back. The four of us followed Mother down the stairs and into the kitchen.
Rhys set me down and I sat at the table while Mother started to boil the milk. Another bolt of thunder made Azriel jump. I put a hand on his arm.
"It's all right," I promised the boy.
"I don't know why you're all so freaked out," Rhys muttered. "It's just thunder." I shrugged, unable to find any reason for my fear.
I wondered how Astraea could sleep through it so soundly. Part of me had hoped she would let me crawl into bed with her, but she was cranky lately. She couldn't even sleep with blankets because she got overheated so easily. She told me that she hated being pregnant.
My eyes grew heavy as my mother placed a mug of hot chocolate in front of me.
I gave her a sleepy, grateful smile and began to gulp it down. The warmth of the drink relaxed me.
"I think she's going to fall asleep right here," Cassian said to Rhys.
Cassian snapped his fingers in my face, and my eyes shot open. I sneered, slapping his hand away. My mother smiled and kissed the top of my head.
"Finish your hot chocolate, then I'll carry you to bed, little starling," my mother said to me.
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My heart pounded in my chest. I peered through the slit behind the stairs and quickly ducked down.
Someone was in my head. I tried to raise the shields like my father had taught me, but they were too weak.
I squeezed my eyes shut and made myself as small as possible. Footsteps neared me and I drew in a sharp breath.
"Found you!"
A pair of hands yanked me out of my hiding place and I groaned. Rhys grinned at me and I shoved him away.
"You cheated!" I insisted. "You were in my head!"
"If you had better mental shields--"
"Shut up!" I snapped. He sounded like our father.
Father hadn't trained my powers nearly as much as he had trained Rhys's, but he was always scolding me about my mental shields.
"You still won," he assured me, taking my hand and dragging me down the hall to where the other two were standing. "I found them first."
"That's not fair," Cassian complained. "You two can put away your wings. We can't. It's harder for us to hide." Azriel nodded in agreement.
"We can play a fairer game," I offered. "One where Rhys can't cheat."
"You can cheat too," Rhys pointed out. "We have the same powers."
"Yes, but I don't," I said smugly. "Azriel could use his shadows to cheat if he wanted to, but he doesn't."
"That we know of," Cassian muttered. Azriel's shadows seemed to wrap around him tighter than before.
"Your mother will be home soon," Azriel spoke up. "If she finds out we didn't do our lessons, she'll send us to bed without supper."
"That's true," I agreed. "We should probably start."
"You two are no fun," Cassian accused. Still, he walked with us as we went to get our books.
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"No, Eve, you can't go skating alone," Mother was sighing.
"Why can't you go with me?" I demanded, a familiar pout on my little lips.
"I'm working," she reminded me.
I turned to Astraea who was sitting in one of the chairs, a hand on her large stomach. The fact that she had left our room at all was shocking.
"Astraea, will you go with me?" I asked.
"Oh, Eve," she sighed, shaking her head. "I would if I wasn't nine months pregnant."
Rhys was on the floor with a book, one he was reading for fun, not for our lessons. I sat down next to him.
"Rhysie," I cajoled, sticking out my lower lip.
"Nope," he replied.
"Cassie?"
"No way," Cassian said from the couch.
I huffed, then turned to Azriel, who was sitting beside Cassian on the couch, his shadows close to him.
"Azriel, you're going with me," I decided, gripping his hand and yanking him to his feet.
"I don't have skates," he protested, wrenching his scarred hand from mine.
"You can borrow Rhysand's," I offered with a smile.
Rhys didn't object. I put on my jacket, a pair of gloves, a scarf and a hat to cover my pointed ears. Azriel started to put on his winter clothes as well. I took both pairs of skates and dragged him out the door and into the cold.
"I've never skated before," he admitted.
"I can teach you," I promised. "If you can learn to fly, you can learn to skate."
"I wanted to learn to fly. I'm not interested in skating," he mused.
"Too bad," I shrugged, squeezing his gloved hand.
I was the only one allowed to touch his hands. He didn't even let his sister touch them. I wondered why I was so special.
The lake I skated on was right behind our cabin. It was one of my favorite pastimes when I was done with my lessons for the day. Rhys had joined me a few times. I'd tried to teach Cassian, but he'd fallen all over himself.
We got to the lake and I started lacing up my skates. I helped Azriel with his and then took his hand again.
"We're going out on the ice," I told him. "And it's going to be slippery, so keep your knees slightly bent."
He nodded and stepped onto the ice with his hand in mine. He started to lose his balance, but I kept a good grip on him. His shadows seemed to help keep him upright.
"This is supposed to be fun?" he managed through his struggles.
"Once you learn, yes," I chuckled. The shadow named Wynn wrapped around my torso, as if tying me to Az so he wouldn't fall.
I gave him instructions, and as he began following them, he became better. He began to relax, skating alongside me.
”See?" I grinned. "It can be fun."
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I sat outside of my bedroom door with the boys, listening to the pained screams on the other side. Astraea had gone into labor hours ago, and Mother was delivering the babe all by herself.
We hadn't been allowed inside, so we had been sitting in the hallway for four hours, now. We played hand games and guessed the gender of the baby to pass the time. We even went back and forth on baby names.
When a babes cries finally filled the air, we all perked up, getting to our feet.
Cassian pushed the door open without even knocking, and I went bursting in with Cassian and Azriel.
"Careful! Careful!" Mother warned us.
Astraea smiled at us, her skin drenched with sweat, blood covering the sheets. But that didn't seem to matter to her. Because she was holding a beautiful baby girl.
The girl had blonde wisps of hair and blue eyes. She had tiny silky wings, too. She had not gotten the blonde hair from Astraea, but none of us dared to ask who the father was. Mother had been very strict about that, telling us to never mention it to the girl.
"Can I hold her?" Cassian questioned.
"Give her at least a full minute with her child," Mother scolded.
Azriel was studying Astraea's face very carefully. She looked back at him, her brows knitting together.
"What is it, Az?" she asked the boy.
"I haven't seen you smile like that in a really long time," he confessed. Her smile broke wider. She mussed the boys hair, holding the babe with one arm.
She turned to the doorway, seeing one more figure lurking there. Rhysand. My brother had done nothing but taunt her for the last eight months.
"Come here, Rhys," she chuckled. He smiled slightly, entering the room. She let him get a look at the baby.
"She's beautiful," Rhys told her. "What are you naming her?"
"Luna," she said with a smile.
Chapter Text
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‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙
age: 11
I was stumbling through the path back home, my skates in hand. The cold was nipping at my nose. I wished I'd brought a scarf.
A group of young girls around my age were walking towards the pond I had been skating on. There weren't many girls here. Most of them were the sisters of boys that were training, just as I was. I tried to avoid them.
One of them started whispering to the other when she saw me. The girl giggled, whispering back. I stared at the ground as I got closer to them.
"Where are your wings?" one of them called out to me in Illyrian. I had put my wings away to skate. It was harder to balance when they were out.
"She's a half breed," another sneered. I felt my lower lip quiver, but I bit it.
"Didn't you have to get your wings clipped last year, Reyna?" one of them asked the eldest of the girls.
"Yes, I did," Reyna said, her gaze never leaving me. "And all of you will get yours clipped. But not Evelina. The lucky bitch will be able to fly forever."
I didn't know how to respond to that. I wasn't going to apologize for not having my wings clipped.
"Spoiled little princess," she spat, shoving me down.
I put my arms out to catch me, wincing as I sliced my arm on the edge of my skate. She kicked me in the stomach and I groaned, doubling over.
I laid there, waiting for them to be far away before I stood up. When I knew they couldn't hear me anymore, I ran to the bushes and threw up. When I was done heaving, I adjusted my sleeves to cover the bleeding cut on my arm.
I wiped the tears from my eyes, sniffling as I walked home. I was used to the insults, but none of them had ever gotten physical with me before.
I entered the house and stomped my foot in frustration. Before I could start crying again, a shadow, the one I’d named Charlie, was at my side.
I sighed, letting him nuzzle against my cheek in comfort. I followed him to the kitchen where Azriel was sitting at the table alone, reading his school books.
"What's wrong, Evie?" Az asked me, concern tracing his features.
"Nothing," I lied. "I'm okay."
Had it been anyone else, it would've been convincing. But I could never lie to Azriel. The shadow I called Ash gripped my sleeve and pulled it up, revealing the cut to Azriel.
"Tattletale," I grumbled at Ash.
Az was immediately on his feet, rushing to me and fussing over the cut.
"Sit down," he told me sternly.
I obliged, sitting at the kitchen table. He went off to the bathroom, coming back with some bandages.
"What happened?" he asked me.
"Some girls are really mean," I sniffled. His face softened.
He finished cleaning me up and wrapping the wound, then pressed a kiss to the top of my head. I blushed, then hid my face in my hands to hide it.
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The crisp winter air filled my lungs as I crouched behind a snow-covered barricade, a snowball in my gloved hand. The three boys stood across from me, grinning mischievously.
I gripped the snowball tightly, my fingers stinging from the cold, and looked at them.
Rhys fired the first shot, sending a snowball flying through the air. I ducked just in time and felt the icy ball graze my hood.
I retaliated by throwing a well-aimed snowball at Azriel. It hit him right in the chest, and he stumbled backwards with a surprised yelp.
Cassian tried to flank me from the side. I spun around, barely dodging his incoming snowball, and sent one right back at him. He squealed and tumbled into a snowbank.
Snowballs flew in every direction, some hitting their targets and others flying wide. The snowy landscape bore the scars of our battle, with mounds of snowballs scattered like artillery.
Eventually we all grew tired, our energy drained by the relentless exchange of snowballs. Cassian claimed victory at the end of the battle.
When we came clambering into the house, Mother was immediately scolding us for dripping snow everywhere.
But we didn't listen to her, as we saw the freshly baked cookies and hot cocoa she had waiting for us.
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I woke up, sitting up straight in my bed, breathing shallowly. The nightmare was ridiculous. It was full of monsters I knew didn't exist. But I still woke up with a pounding heart and a fear of the darkness around me. I wiped tears from my eyes.
I glanced around, deciding I would climb into Astraea's bed. But she wasn't there. Sometimes she and Luna slept in Mother's room when Luna was being fussy, so I could sleep.
The door creaked open and I jumped. My mother must have heard me scream. Had I screamed?
But it wasn't my mother. It was Azriel. He closed the door behind him and came over to me.
"I'm sorry if I woke you," I said softly. "Did I scream?"
"No," he replied. "My shadows told me you were afraid."
I sighed and shook my head at him. He came over and crawled into bed with me. I leaned against him and he wrapped his arms around me.
"It was just a nightmare," I promised him. "But will you stay with me tonight?"
"Yes," he whispered.
I lay back and snuggled against him, resting my head on his shoulder. He held me close, and I was grateful that it was too dark for him to see the blush on my cheeks.
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"Rhysand!" Astraea yelled as she came down the stairs, her hairbrush in hand.
"What?" he demanded, turning to her from where he was eating his breakfast.
"How many times do I have to tell you not to use my hairbrush?" she snapped. "I don't want your greasy hair in it!"
"My hair isn't greasy," he debated. "If there's greasy hair in it, it's Cassian's."
"Shut up!" Cassian sneered at him. "It's probably Azriel's."
"Why am I getting pulled into this?" Azriel demanded.
The two started bickering, which I ignored until Cassian's fist hit Azriel's face. I gasped, smacking Cassian's arm as hard as I could.
"Hey!" Astraea exclaimed, storming over and pulling Cassian away from Azriel. "Do not hit him!"
"Are you okay?" I asked Azriel as Astraea continued scolding our brother.
"I'm fine," he promised me, shrugging.
Rhys seemed to take the distraction as an opportunity. He yanked the hairbrush from Astraea's hand and hit the back of her head with it.
She flipped around to face him and shoved him backward. He started smacking at her with lazy, untrained, flails of his arms. She smacked right back. Cassian and I continued to quarrel over him hitting Azriel.
A throat clearing made us all freeze.
We all turned to our mother, who was standing hand in hand with Morrigan.
"If you all could stop bickering for one second," she began, narrowing her eyes at us. "You're setting a bad example for Morrigan."
"Oh please, she's worse behaved than me!" Rhys accused. Morrigan proved his point by sticking her tongue out at him.
"Morrigan, this is Cassian, Azriel, and Astraea," she introduced us. "They're usually much better behaved than this."
Cassian snorted and I giggled. That wasn't true, and she knew it.
"I hope not," Morrigan spoke up. "I don't get along with well behaved people."
"Mother help me," our mom mumbled, pinching the bridge of her nose. She glanced up at Astraea. "Rae, I'm going to need your help taking care of them. Which means no fighting with Rhys."
"Yeah," Rhys mumbled.
"And no provoking her, Rhysand," she snapped at him. "You two will get along."
Footsteps interrupted our conversation. I turned to see Luna waddling down the stairs. Astraea rushed over to her, picking her up.
"How did you get out of your crib?" she cooed, bouncing her. The baby giggled, placing her hand on her mother's cheek.
"Is that your baby?" Morrigan wondered, bolting over to them.
"Yes, this is Luna," she introduced.
Morrigan held her arms out expectingly, and Astraea handed Luna to her.
Chapter Text
‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙
‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙
age: 12
My blissful sleep was ruined when my bedroom door slammed open.
“Wake up! We’re opening presents!” Cassian yelled, rushing to my bed and shaking me.
I groaned, shaking my head and rolling over in my sheets.
“All I want for Solstice is to sleep in,” I grumbled.
Cassian climbed onto my bed and tore the blanket off of me. I shrieked as he started tickling my sides, making me sit up. I shoved him off of the bed, and he fell to the ground with a thud.
“Ow!” he complained, getting to his feet. Rhys snorted.
“I told you tickling her was a bad idea,” Rhys said to him.
“Well, she’s awake now, isn’t she?” Cassian pointed out.
“And now I’m going back to sleep,” I glared.
“Wait, we need you to wake Azriel,” Cassian insisted.
“Why?” I demanded. The boys faces both went pink as they glanced at each other.
“We’re scared of his shadows,” Rhys mumbled. I almost laughed.
“His shadows are harmless,” I promised.
“But what if they lash out because we woke them?” Cassian demanded.
“His shadows don’t sleep,” I explained. “They keep watch while he does. And why can’t Astraea do it?”
“She’s getting Luna dressed,” Rhys told me.
“Come on,” Cassian insisted, shaking me by my shoulder. “He’s never gotten presents before. Astraea hasn’t either.”
I knew he was intentionally guilting me, but it worked. The year before was Cassian’s first Solstice, and he had never gotten a gift before either. Both him and my mother had been blinking back tears when he opened his presents.
I rolled my eyes, but got out of bed. I grumbled some insults under my breath as I walked into the boy's room.
He looked like an angel when we was asleep. His dark hair just a bit messy, his eyes closed, his chest rising and falling slowly. His shadows wrapped around him.
When I approached, the shadows began to greet me. Some wrapped around my wrist, others played with my hair. I smiled.
I tapped Azriel’s shoulder, nudging him slightly. His hazel eyes slowly blinked open, staring up at me.
“Wake up, Azzy. It’s Solstice,” I said quietly. “We’re opening presents.”
He rubbed his eyes as he sat up, glancing around. The other two boys were watching from the doorway.
I took his hand in mine when he got out of the bed. A blush stained his cheeks, which only made me grin.
“Come on,” Cassian groaned impatiently. I rolled my eyes, running after the two boys, dragging Azriel behind me.
“About time,” Mother joked as we came down the stairs.
She was sitting on the couch, her arm around Astraea. Astraea was resting her head on my mother’s shoulder, Luna in her arms.
Astraea had grown attached to my mother. She only left her side when she had no choice. I wasn’t sure anyone had ever taken care of her the way a mother should.
I climbed into my mother’s arms, resting my head on the opposite shoulder of Astraea. Mother kissed my head, wrapping her other arm around me so she was holding us both.
“Don’t let her fall asleep here, she snores,” Rhys grumbled.
“I do not!” I objected.
“Yes, you do,” Rhys insisted. I looked to my mother for confirmation.
“You have since you were a toddler,” Mother chuckled, ruffling my hair. “Don’t worry, it’s not loud. You snore very softly. I only hear it when you sleep in my bed.”
“Yeah, it’s not as bad as Cassian,” Rhys promised me.
“Hey!” Cassian snapped, hitting Rhys’s arm.
“Enough fighting,” Mother said to all of us. “Open your presents, loves.”
Cassian, Rhys, and I didn't need to be told twice. But Astraea and Azriel held back, not seeming to know what to do. I watched as Mother gathered their presents for them.
When Astraea opened hers, I could see the tears swimming in her eyes. But she blinked them back and buried her face in my Mother's neck, holding her so tightly.
Azriel didn't cry when he opened his, but I could feel how grateful he was. He kissed Mother's cheek and thanked her. His shadows seemed excited, as well.
When I was done opened my presents, I got back on the couch and cuddled up with Mother and Astraea, who was still holding Luna.
"It's lovely that Luna and I get to experience our first Solstice together," Astraea said quietly.
‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙
Astraea was fussing about the mess I had left in the living room, my paper dolls scattered across the floor.
"You never fuss about the boy's, and they're messier than I am!" I complained to her as I laid upside down on the couch.
"Yes, but they're boys," she drawled, pinching my cheek. "You're a lady."
"I don't want to be a lady," I snapped at her.
Luna whined from where she was sitting on the floor, and Astraea went to her side, picking her up.
"I'm going to make her some lunch," Astraea decided. "Does that sound good, mija?"
"Yes, mamá," the two year old babbled, giggling as Astraea nuzzled their noses together.
"Do you want anything?" Astraea asked me.
"I'm not hungry," I replied with a shrug.
"You're always hungry," Azriel joked as he came down the stairs. "Raea, could you make me some toast?"
"Of course," she said as she carried her daughter to the kitchen.
He sat next to me on the couch when she was gone. I had my legs draped over the back of the couch as my head dangled off the edge.
My shirt slid up as I stretched, leaving a small bit of my stomach exposed. Azriel poked my stomach and I shrieked, jolting up and grabbing his hand.
His pulled his hand away from me, the smile slipping from his face. The smile dropped from mine, too, at his insecurity.
"Az," I said very quietly. "What happened?"
"I don't like to talk about it," he replied.
"Then show me," I offered, reaching my hand out to him. He stared at me, his eyes swimming with uncertainty. He glanced around, then took my hand.
I was in a dark cell, seeing the world through his eyes. He was much younger, and I could feel the ache of hunger in his stomach. He was shivering from the chill of the cell.
The door was thrown open, and two older males entered. One of them was dragging a young teenage Astraea in by her hair. He shoved her to the ground.
"Please, I'm sorry," she was sobbing, getting to her knees as she begged. "Please don't hurt him, I'm sorry. I won't do it again."
"I'm afraid it's too late for that, my dear," the male she was kneeling before smirked, stroking her cheek mockingly.
Azriel cried out, struggling as the other male grabbed hold on him, forcing his arms in front of him and holding his wrists together.
"Don't," Astraea pleaded, trying to get to her brother. The male held her back, taking a tube from his pocket.
Azriel's confusion was clear as he met his sister's tear filled gaze. She was trying to push past the male, but he took one hand, gripping her hair to keep her from going to him.
He poured the contents of the tube onto Azriel's hands.
Then, he lit a match.
Azriel's panic overtook him, his fear making me want to vomit. He tried to get away, but the male holding him was too strong.
"Stop!" Astraea shrieked, pounding her fists against the male's side. But he wasn't deterred. "It's not his fault, he didn't do anything, please. It was my fault! Please!"
"Don't worry, you'll be next," he told her.
Just before the fire hit his hands, he stopped showing me the memory. I was a bit grateful for that, because I didn't want to feel the pain.
I realized as I came out of his mind that my cheeks were stained with tears. His face grew heavy with concern.
"It's okay, it was a long time ago," he assured me, placing a hand on my shoulder. "Don't cry."
"How could they do that to you?" I wept, taking one of his hands in mine and studying the scars. "You didn't deserve it."
I lifted his hand, then leaned down to press a kiss to it. He stared at me, blinking back the tears that had welled in his eyes, as well.
I wrapped his arms around him and brought him close to me, letting him rest his head on my shoulder. He finally let his tears fall, his shoulders shaking with sobs as I held him.
I cried with him, trying not to think about how terrified he had been. Tried not to think of Astraea's young face as she begged them not to hurt her brother.
"Az, you're toast is re--"
Astraea trailed off when she saw us. Az pulled away from me, wiping his eyes as Astraea knelt by our side.
"What's wrong, loves?" she asked us.
"It's nothing," he assured her, sniffling.
"Have you ever been able to lie to me, Az?" she challenged. He shook his head.
"He showed me how you guys got your scars," I admitted, knowing Az didn't want to talk about it. Her face fell.
"Oh," she said quietly.
Her thoughts were loud, proclaiming how it was all her fault. Her fault that his hands were burned. She just should've listened and obeyed, and they never would've hurt him.
"It's not your fault," I assured her mind to mind. She flinched, her mental shields going up and shutting me out.
"Let's eat," she said to us.
Chapter Text
‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙
‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙
age: 13
I woke up and found myself in a pool of blood. I cursed myself, jumped out of bed and looked down to see blood running down my legs and soaking my nightgown.
Astraea and Luna were gone, so I must've slept in, too. I hoped my mother hadn't left for work already.
"Mamá!" I tapped into my mother's mental shield. "I need you right now."
I blinked back tears until I heard her footsteps coming down the hall. The door opened and she entered.
"What is it, mija?" she trailed off as she saw the sight before her.
"What do I do?" I demanded, almost having to sit down from the pain ripping at my stomach.
"I'll run you a bath and get you some supplies," she sighed. "Strip the sheets."
She went into the bathroom and I groaned, clutching my stomach as I pulled the sheets off the bed.
When I got to the bathroom, the tub was filled with hot water. I began to remove my blood soaked nightgown.
"My stomach hurts," I complained to my mother.
"I'll go into town and get you a tonic," she decided, helping me into the tub. The hot water eased the pain a little. "Do you want some soup?"
"Yes, please," I grumbled, sinking deeper into the water.
‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾
Later that day, I lay in bed with a bag of hot rice on my stomach, a tonic by my side, and a book in my hands.
Mother had gone to work, but Astraea kept coming in to check on me. She was so nurturing for her age.
I had never felt such intense pain in my entire life. It felt like my insides were being ripped open. My lower back burned.
There was a soft knock on the door. I turned my head and managed to make a small noise to let them know they could come in.
The three boys stepped into my room very quietly as though I were a baby that would start crying at any sudden noise.
"Are you okay?" Rhys asked me.
"I'm in pain," I complained, pouting as I put down my book.
"You smell disgusting," Cassian cringed. I glared at him.
"It's the blood," Azriel defended me. I gave him a grateful look. He smiled at me slightly. "We brought you sweets."
I sat up immediately. Azriel handed me a bag and when I opened it, the smell of chocolate candy hit me.
"Thank you," I grinned.
My twin planted a kiss on my forehead and Cassian patted me on the head. They both left the room, leaving me alone with Az.
"Aren't you going with them?" I wondered.
"I don't think you should be alone," he advised. "You don't look well." I let out a humorless laugh as he sat in the rocking chair next to my bed.
"It's just my cycle," I insisted. "I'll be fine." Even as I said it, a sharp cramp made me squeeze my eyes shut.
"I have a book," he told me. "So do you. We can read together."
"Fine," I said with a sigh.
I laid on my side, folding my legs up to take the pressure off my stomach. I opened my book again and began to read quietly.
‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾
I must have dozed off while reading. When I woke up, Az was still reading in his chair. I sat up to drink some more tonic.
"You're still here?"
"I told you, I didn't want to leave you alone," he reminded me. I rolled my eyes.
"Mother hen," I teased.
The older boy just shrugged. The shadow, Wynn, slid over and caressed my cheek. I nestled against her and smiled.
"They fussed over you a lot more than I did," he admitted.
I chuckled as River came beside me and rubbed against my aching stomach. Charlie brushed my hair out of my face, and Blake swirled around in circles, trying to entertain me. Ash perched on my shoulder.
The only shadow not participating was Jamie, who stayed by Azriel’s side. Jamie seldom communicated with anyone other than Az. She could be kind of mean.
"Thank you," I told them. Some of them stayed with me, others went back to Azriel.
The door opened and Astraea entered with a bowl in one hand, and Luna in her other arm.
"Mamá made dinner," she explained to me. "She said you could eat in here."
"Thanks," I said as I took the bowl of chili from her.
"Come on, Az, dinner," the three year old insisted, bouncing in her mother’s arms. Astraea grabbed Azriel's wrist and pulled him to his feet.
Az gave me an exasperated look before following his sister.
‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙
Luna was asleep in Astraea's arms while we waited for the boys to be done training. She cringed as we watched the boys pummeling each other into the dirt.
When it was over, Rhys and Azriel went to get their things. Cassian started rushing towards us. He went to grab Luna, but Raea moved her away from his grip.
"She's sleeping," she warned. The girl was only three. Getting her to sleep was a difficult task.
Sharp laughter pulled me away from my conversation. I glanced over to see two boys speaking to each other, staring at my older sister.
"My father says she was a whore," one of them said to the other. "That's why she had a baby so young."
Astraea flinched at the words, her face going a bit red. I pretended I didn't hear them. Cassian on the other hand, started storming towards them.
"Cass, don't--" Rae began.
"What'd you just say?" Cassian challenged.
"Nothing, I was just—"
"Don't you fucking talk about my sister like that!" Cassian warned.
He punched the boy right in the face. He hit the ground. Astraea groaned, shaking her head. Azriel and Rhys came running over to us.
Luna woke up in the altercation, beginning to cry. Devlon was yanking Cassian off of the boy he was beating viciously.
Devlon shoved Cassian at Astraea with a rude comment about learning to control her brothers, but she didn't reply.
"Let's get out of here," she mumbled, yanking the boys and me towards the pathway home.
Cassian was grumbling to himself, still obviously upset. I thought what he did for her was very kind.
She sighed, wrapping her free arm around Azriel, holding a still crying Luna with her other arm. Azriel groaned, ducking out of the way.
"What, are you too old to hug your big sister?" she teased him.
"I'm fifteen," he grumbled. She chuckled, ruffling his hair.
Luna suddenly started screaming louder, twisting and turning in her mother's arms. Rae tried to get a good grip on her but she leapt out of her arms.
Astraea shrieked, trying to catch her as she fell. But her wings began flapping, and she landed on the snow smoothly. Astraea was immediately on her knees, grabbing Luna's face and fussing all ove r her.
"Are you okay, mija?" she asked her. "Did you get hurt?"
She sniffled, shaking her head.
"Luna, you just flew for the first time!" Rhys announced, leaning down to her.
"Good job, Luna!" I praised the girl.
She wiped her eyes, and smiled, giggling a bit. He picked her up and spun her around as she laughed.
"Careful," Astraea pleaded, reaching for her.
"It's okay, Raea," Azriel promised his sister.
Chapter Text
͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙
͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙
age: 14
Cassian was cutting through the branches of the woods, both of us trying to find a sturdy tree for a treehouse.
"It can't be too high up," I said with a sigh.
"Why not?" he wondered. "We can fly."
"Yes, but Az still isn't entirely comfortable with heights," I recalled, crossing my arms.
"He's nearly seventeen," Cassian countered. "He'll need to get used to it eventually."
"Well, he isn't," I glared. "He has had a very hard upbringing, and you and Rhys are much too rough on him."
"I had a hard upbringing as well," he reminded me.
"Yes, but you still learned to fly as a toddler," I pointed out. "Azzy couldn't fly well until he was thirteen. He still won't go as high as--"
"That tree is perfect," Cassian cut me off, clearly not listening to a word I was saying.
I glanced over, not able to deny that he was right. There was a beautiful, large oak tree with long, reaching branches in the middle of the terrain.
"I'll stay here," he decided. "You can winnow back to the house to get the wood. Rhys and Azriel will help bring it over."
"Fine," I sighed. "But don't make fun of Az if he--"
"You are much too overbearing with him," Cassian snorted.
"I just care for him," I defended myself.
"Maybe a bit too much," Cass teased me, ruffling my hair. I huffed, pushing his arm off of me. "You worry more than Astraea does.”
"Pendejo," I grumbled.
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Azriel had an unfair advantage when it came to tag.
One shadow, Jamie, reached out and wrapped around me, holding me still as he caught up and slammed his hand on my shoulder.
"That's cheating!" I exclaimed.
He grinned, running the other way. I scoffed, taking off to go after Mor, who was hiding behind the beautiful fountain in the garden.
I loved going back to visit the House of Wind where I had grown up. I got to show the two boys all the little rooms and memories of my childhood.
"Tag!" I exclaimed when I caught up to Mor and tapped her shoulder.
She went for Cassian, and I relaxed for a second because there were no tag backs when we played. I crossed my arms and leaned against the water fountain.
Cassian took off into the House. I giggled as Rhys, Az, and Mor followed him. I sighed, taking off into the run.
The halls stretched on for what felt like miles, and we all sprinted with laughter, taking sharp turns, and just enjoying the freedom and space.
We didn't have much space in Windhaven. Azriel and Cassian had both commented that they'd never seen such luxury before.
Rhys and I took the lead since we knew the house best. That is until we took a sharp turn and ran directly into our father.
He gripped each of us by the shoulder, holding us still.
"You two know very well not to be running in the House," he scolded us. "Morrigan, you should know better, too."
"Sorry," the three of us said in unison.
"Must I tell your mother?"
"No!" I insisted, shaking my head. "No, we'll stop."
"You three are mopping up the dirty footprints you left in the halls," he decided. "No magic."
"What about Azriel and Cassian?" Morrigan demanded, outrage on her face.
"They were not aware of the House rules," he defended them. "You three are." Cassian sent us a smug expression that made me narrow my eyes at him. "You better get started if you want to be done before supper."
͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙
I watched the male Illyrians on the field, playing a sport I didn't quite understand. I could barely hear the coaches whistling over the deafening chatter.
I took a sip from a bottle of wine I had hidden in a paper bag. I savored the bitter taste and then passed it to my brother.
"You're rubbing your scar," Rhys told me.
I sighed and clasped my hands together to stop myself from rubbing the scar on my arm from when those girls pushed me a few years ago.
"I'm on edge," I told him, downing another sip of wine.
I noticed Azriel on the other side of the field, seemingly overwhelmed. His shadows mostly obscured him, which told me he was uncomfortable.
"Hey, what's wrong?" I asked into his head. I noticed that he relaxed a bit.
"Don't be so overprotective, I'm fine," he replied.
"Come over here," I insisted.
"No."
"Don't make me throw a fit," I warned.
"Make a scene, then," he goaded.
I chuckled and rolled my eyes. He was right. I wouldn't throw a fit with so many people around. Instead, I just wrapped my wings around myself to keep warm.
"Are you talking to Az?" Rhys asked me.
"How did you know?"
"Your face only lights up like that when you talk to him," he hinted with a grin. I rolled my eyes and blushed slightly. "You love him."
"Am I really that obvious?" I asked. He nodded.
"Terribly obvious," he replied with a nod. "It's embarrassing."
"Shut up," I groaned, nudging his shoulder as my face turned red.
"If it makes you feel any better, his pining is just as obvious as yours," he chuckled.
"You think he likes me?" I wondered. He rolled his eyes.
"You two are blind," he sighed.
I huffed at that, glancing at the boy again. He was terribly beautiful. I'd thought so since I'd first met him. I wondered if he thought I was beautiful, too.
Chapter Text
‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙
‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙
age: 15
There was a smug smile stretched upon my features when the three boys got to the top of the 10,000 steps of the House of Wind.
My father wouldn't tell me what exactly they'd done, but it'd been bad enough to warrant this punishment. Even I'd never been forced to climb these stairs.
They were covered in sweat when they collapsed on the floor of the hallway. I wrinkled my nose at the smell of them.
I could scent vomit from somewhere on the steps, and I knew Father would make them clean it.
Azriel's shadows were wrapped around him as he leaned against the wall, gasping for air. Cassian was face down on the floor, and I wasn't entirely sure that he was conscious. Rhys was on his side, trying to brush his hair out of his face.
"Supper is in ten minutes," I informed them. "And Mother won't let you attend unless you've all showered."
"Let us catch our breath," Rhys said into my head.
"Okay, but it's not my fault if you miss supper," I grinned.
"When I can breathe again, I'm socking you in the face," Cassian managed between breaths. Good, then he was conscious.
"You boys are pathetic," I teased.
In response, Jamie weaved through the air, over to me. She wrapped around a chunk of my hair, and yanked.
"Ow!" I exclaimed, the smile completely wiped from my face. "Az, that hurt."
"Don't whine, you know I can't control them," he spat back.
"Whining is all she knows how to do," Rhys told them.
"You guys are assholes," I complained, rubbing my head. "I'm going to eat supper while you lot waste away here."
I turned on my heel to walk away. Rhys tried to slip into my mind, but I put up my shields firmly enough to hurt his head.
‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙
I'd never been one to fight with my mother, but when she'd found out that Morrigan and I had snuck out to meet older Illyrian males in a tavern, she was more furious than I'd ever seen her.
We hadn't done anything with them. We'd just had some drinks, and danced. Nevertheless, she was outraged.
After the two of us had been screamed at for nearly an hour, she'd winnowed us to the cabin in the mountains and left us alone.
She'd made every single book disappear so we had no form of entertainment. We weren't sure how long she was going to keep us there. There was enough food and water to last months, but she wouldn't be that cruel. Hopefully.
We'd gone to the birchin, but we'd only been able to last a half hour before we felt as though we were going to pass out.
So now, we were sitting in the living room, already sick of each other.
I jumped at the sound of a knock at the door. Morrigan got to her feet and nearly ran to the door. I followed her hesitantly.
When she opened it, Rhys was on the other side, holding some books and bottles of wine.
"Mor told me that you two were bored," he explained, handing the stuff to our cousin.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you," Morrigan gushed, handing me a bottle. I opened it immediately.
"Drink with us," I said to my brother.
"I can't stay," he sighed. "Mother will grow suspicious."
"Let her," I insisted, pouting. He shook his head, and I groaned. "You're the worst."
"Come on, you know I'm your favorite," Rhys cajoled.
"Actually, Azriel is my favorite. All of the time," I corrected. "You and Cassian switch between second and third place depending on the day."
He winked at us, then winnowed away.
Morrigan and I went back to the couch and opened the bottles. There were four of them, so we rationed. Two bottles each.
"I want to blackout the entire time I'm here," I decided.
"Well, don't drink them both now," Mor scolded. "We don't know when she's coming back for us. It could be a month."
"Then Rhys will bring us more," I shrugged.
She'd never made us stay here for more than week before. And she always checked in to make sure nothing bad had happened to us.
"I hate her sometimes," I complained.
"I don't," Mor admitted. "It could've been worse. She could've told my father. But she didn't."
I suddenly felt guilty for complaining. My family was perfect compared to hers. Sometimes she would show up with an overnight bag and just start sobbing as soon as we opened the door.
There were so many nights that she stayed in my room and cried to me about her parents. I would just hold her and offer as much comfort as I could.
I poured myself a glass, deciding that I would make it last longer if I didn't drink directly from the bottle like I usually did.
‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙
Azriel didn't join the other two boys when they went out that night. I was cross stitching a pillow, something my mother had taught me a long time ago.
Azriel was reading a novel next to me on the couch. My mother was working another late night, and Astraea was putting Luna ti sleep, leaving the two of us alone.
I felt a wave of sleepiness and against my better judgment, I rested my head on Azriel's shoulder. He tensed at the motion, but after a few seconds, I felt his body relax.
He very carefully wrapped an arm around me, acting as though I would run away if he was too sudden in his movements.
Instead, I nestled in close to him, closing my eyes as Wynn, Charlie, and Blake wrapped around me, keeping me warm.
His wing wrapped tight around my side. I felt him plant a soft kiss on the top of my head. I could hear his heart beating a million miles a minute.
I glanced up at the boy and saw that his face was pink. I grinned a bit at the anxiousness. He went to look away, but I grabbed his chin and tilted his face back towards mine.
He stared at me with wide eyes as I leaned in and kissed him.
It was a small peck that shocked even me. When I pulled back, my face was just as red as his was. We stared at each other for a few seconds, neither of us sure what to do or say.
But then, he was holding my face in his palms and kissing me back. I gasped, but then a smile formed against his lips.
That was it. It didn't lead to anything more, and both of us seemed satisfied with that.
"I'm going to bed," I said, a hysterical giggle in the back of my throat. I was smiling from ear-to-ear.
He was staring at me as though he'd never seen me before. He was studying my every feature. There was something different in his eyes.
"Goodnight," he said quietly.
‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙
It had been over a year and a half since we'd built the tree house. But only Azriel and I still used it. It was a late night, our favorite time to be up there. We had chosen the highest tree, so we could see the stars out of the windows.
Azriel passed the bottle of wine we were sharing to me, and I sipped at it, though I was already a bit drunk.
It'd been a month since the kiss, and neither of us had spoken about it. And we certainly hadn't kissed again. No matter how much I wanted to.
But the morning after, he seemed to be pretending it hadn't happened. So I played along. Though, I was pining for him desperately.
"I hate my life," I admitted. He let out an irritated scoff.
"How could you possibly hate your life?" he demanded. "You have everything."
"Then why doesn't it feel like enough?" I wondered.
"Because you're a spoiled princess," he spat. My eyes snapped to his.
"I'm not a--"
"You throw a tantrum when you don't get your way. You've had everything handed to you," he pointed out.
"I have not," I pouted.
"The worst thing that has happened to you is that you have to live in these mountains," he went on. "And your days here consist of eating breakfast, doing your lessons, having lunch, ice skating, and then eating dinner. You grew up in a castle--"
"It's not a castle," I argued.
"It's huge," he retorted. "You've never gone a day without three meals. You've never had a night where you weren't comfortable in a bed. Your mother loves you more than anything--"
"Okay, I get it," I seethed. "I don't have a right to be dissatisfied with my life."
"You have no idea how easy you have it," he realized with a scoff. "It's insane to me. You have never suffered."
"Isn't that a good thing?" I snapped.
"It's an incredible thing," he replied. "I'm happy that you didn't have the upbringings Cassian and I did. It's just irritating to hear you complain."
"Just because I wasn't locked away in a cell for eleven years doesn't mean I can't be upset," I glared. "The other girls here hate me because I didn't have my wings clipped."
"Would you rather that they did clip your wings?" he demanded. "Would you rather the life my sister has had?"
"Of course not," I denied, shaking my head. "But it isn't my fault they weren't clipped. So why are the girls so mean?"
"Because their lives have been terrible," he snapped. "You don't realize how the other females are treated here. They don't have high status parents to shield them from abuse."
"So they're jealous," I shrugged.
"Of course they are," he said. "They've been tortured their entire lives, and you're this privileged little princess--"
"But I don't deserve the way they treat me," I insisted, tears stinging my eyes.
"I never said that," he said softly. "I just mean--"
"I don't care what you mean," I grumbled, pulling my knees to my chest.
River came over to me and stroked my cheek, as though attempting an apology for Azriel's harsh words.
But he was right. I didn't know what it was like to truly suffer. I'd spent my life in comfortable bliss, throwing a tantrum at the slightest of inconveniences.
I just took a long sip of the wine, refusing to pass it back to Azriel.
Chapter Text
‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙
‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙
age 16
I studied myself in the small mirror in the living room. I was wearing the skimpiest outfit I owned. Strings made up the fabric that clung to my frame. I decided to put my wings away to save space in the small bar I was going to.
As I prepared to leave, a door burst open. I cursed myself as Rhys came barreling down the stairs.
"Could you be any louder?" I sneered.
"Where are you going dressed like that?" Rhys shot, crossing his arms. I scoffed at him.
"The less you know the better," I said.
"You're not going out like that," he objected, shaking his head. I escaped towards the door. "What do you think you're doing? I said no."
"Whatever," I scoffed. "I don't have to listen to you."
"Trust me, no one wants to see that much of you," he informed me. "Go change."
"Actually, I think Azriel will like it," I grinned and crossed my arms.
"You're insufferable," he groaned.
"Relax, he's already at the bar, I'll meet him there," I explained.
"Which bar?"
"The one about two miles down the mountain," I remembered. "He flew down there while I was getting dressed to order our drinks. I'll be down there in a minute."
"That nasty, run-down place?" he grumbled. "Why didn't you invite Cass or me?"
"Because we needed a break from you two," I scoffed.
"If you don't let us come, I'll tell Mother," he warned.
"You wouldn't."
"I would."
I let loose a sigh and crossed my arms, narrowing my eyes at him. She just wore a smug smile.
"Fine," I gave in. "You and Cass can come."
"And Mor," he added.
"Great," I grumbled. "And Mor."
‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾
The music played so loud as I gulped down cup after cup of random drinks I'd picked up. I didn't even know what each one was, and at this point, I didn't care.
"You've had too much to drink," Azriel shouted over the music.
"No, I haven't!" I replied, downing the rest of her drink before leaving the dance floor in search of more.
I stumbled into the kitchen and bumped into Mor. She'd been watching me all night. I pushed her aside, but she gripped my waist and yanked me back.
"Come on, Eve, I think you've had enough for one night," she pressed, trying to pull me away from the tray of shots.
"Stop it!" I grumbled, ripping my wrist from her grip.
"Eve, I'm serious," she insisted.
"Please?" I begged, pouting. Mor sighed and threw her head back.
"Fine, one more," Mor gave in.
"You just can't say no to her," Cassian chuckled as he approached us, wrapping his arm around my cousin.
"Not when she sulks like that," Mor admitted.
I smirked and took another drink. Ash wrapped the cup and brought it to Az. He tossed it in the trash.
"You told Ash to do that!" I accused, glaring at him.
He could tell his shadows what to do, but they could also act without his consent. I knew he'd told them to do that.
"I swear, I didn't," he lied, shaking his head. Morrigan giggled, leaning her head against Cassian's shoulder.
Rhys finally came back over from where he had been flirting with a few females. He smiled, shaking his head at me.
"I have a feeling we'll have to carry her home again," he joked. I sneered.
‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾
The next morning was absolute torture. We'd all woken up with pounding heads and sick stomachs. I didn't remember much of the night before.
I sat with the boys and Morrigan at the kitchen table, a blanket wrapped around my body. I could only sip water.
Cassian and Morrigan, on the other hand, were shoveling eggs into their mouths. Azriel and Rhys were eating normally, though they looked awful.
Our mother was eyeing us suspiciously from where she stood at the kitchen island. Azriel was hiccupping relentlessly, which did not help our case.
Astraea seemed amused at the situation. Luna was blissfully unaware as she ate her breakfast.
"Next time you sneak out, you might want to be more quiet coming in," she told us. We all froze, exchanging panicked glances. "I would send you all to the cabin, but I don't trust you five alone."
"We would've been quiet if Evie hadn't passed out on the way home," Azriel grumbled. Astraea raised an eyebrow at me.
"Oh please, you guys are training to be Illyrian warriors and you can't carry me?" I snapped with a glare.
"You're heavy," Rhys informed me.
"I didn't even have my wings out!"
"You're still heavy," he shot. "It took me, Az, and Mor to get you through the window."
"Cassian could've carried her by himself if he hadn't been puking his guts up," Morrigan said with a mouthful of eggs.
“Gross, I’m eating,” Luna grumbled from her seat. The six year old had begun to develop an attitude, and Astraea had no idea how to deal with it.
Mother sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose between her fingers.
"I don't need to be hearing any of this," she said sharply. "I think having to do training and lessons hungover is enough punishment, though."
"Wait, that's not fair," Rhys spoke up. "We have to go to training, but all the girls have to do is read?"
"I'll make them clean, too," Mother decided with a shrug.
I groaned, resting my forehead on the table. Az patted me on the head mockingly.
Chapter Text
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‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙
age: 17
I heard them that night. In the room next to mine. I had ignored the anxiety in the pit of my stomach and just tried to block it out.
But I knew what it meant.
Morrigan had told me about the plan her father set in motion. That she was going to be married off to Eris Vanserra.
She had sobbed all night while Astraea and I held her. Neither of us had gotten any sleep. And now she was fucking Cassian in the bedroom beside me.
The next morning was awkward. We ate breakfast, waiting for the others to return. Astraea was cooking pancakes for her seven year old. Both Astraea and I acted like we couldn’t scent them all over each other.
The door opened. Rhys and Az were laughing, shoving each other around as my mother filed in behind them, rolling her eyes.
And then, everyone froze. As soon as the scent hit them. Rhys carefully looked from one to the other.
"Are you two insane?" he asked too quietly. Morrigan tensed at the venom in his voice.
"Morrigan, dear," Mother sighed, shaking her head.
I realized then that this was much worse than I thought it was.
"What were you thinking?" Rhys suddenly exploded. Both of them flinched. "Are you fucking kidding me? They'll kill her for this!"
"They won't kill me--" Morrigan began.
"Yes, Mor, they will!" he snapped. "Do you even realize how bad this is?"
"I wanted to choose who I gave myself too," she explained, tears springing in her eyes. "That's all I wanted, Rhys."
"Your father . . ." he trailed off. "Cassian, how could you do this?"
"It's not his fault," Mor insisted. "I asked him."
But Rhys was already storming over to our brother, dragging him out of his seat. I jumped up, trying to get Rhys off of our brother as he punched Cassian in the face.
Luna began sobbing, and Astraea was at her side immediately, scooping her up and stroking her hair.
"Rhys--" Cassian tried to reason, but was cut off by a blow to his lip.
"Rhys stop it!" I yelled, trying to pry them apart. Azriel appeared behind me, dragging me away from them. "Azriel, let go of me!"
"You'll just get yourself hurt," he said. His voice was calm, but there was violent anger laced in his words.
Morrigan was in tears as she watched them fight. Mother stormed over, grabbing my brother by the collar and yanking him away.
There was fire in Rhys's eyes, but he knew better than to fight against our mother. Cassian groaned, wiping blood from his face.
"Morrigan, you can stay here as long as possible," she said quietly. "But when your father expects you back, there is nothing we can do."
She sniffled, nodding as she wiped her eyes. Maybe the scent of Cassian would disappear before then.
"Cassian, Rhys, go to your rooms," she decided.
"You can't send us to our rooms--" Rhys began to argue.
"Go!" she yelled. They quickly obeyed at the rage and stress in her voice.
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Rhys told both me and my mother that something awful had happened. We were in the sitting room of the House of Wind, waiting for my father, brother, and Azriel to return.
Cassian was in tears. My mother was doing her best to comfort him, but it didn't seem to be working.
When they brought Morrigan in, I nearly emptied the contents of my stomach all over the floor. Madja was immediately by her side.
Her skin was coated in blood and bruises. There were cuts, burns, ugly marks covering her. She hadn't been wearing clothes, but my father had covered her in a cloak.
The scent of several males clung to her. I wanted to throw up. It was enough to make the scent of Cassian disappear completely.
Cassian tried to rush to her side, but Mother grabbed his shoulders, holding him still.
"Nobody sees her until Madja is done," Father spoke up as Madja brought her to a bedroom. "When Madja decides she is well enough, you can visit."
Tears stung my eyes.
"Will she be okay?" I asked quietly.
"She will live," Father promised me. "But Night has lost our alliance with Autumn. Eris Vanserra wants nothing to do with her."
"Good," I commented.
"This isn't good," Father warned me. "That alliance could prove vital."
"I don't care," I argued. "I only care that she's alive and she isn't being forced into marriage with that monster."
Azriel stepped over to me and shook his head slowly. I sighed, shutting myself down. He was right. I shouldn't have been arguing with my father in a time like this.
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Three days later, we were finally allowed to see her. I sat by her bedside, reading her favorite book out loud to her.
"Eve," she said, her voice hoarse. I set the book down, glancing up at the broken girl. "Will you hold my hand?"
"Of course," I sighed, pulling my chair over to the side of her bed. I took her hand in mine and squeezed it gently.
"When we were kids, I used to be so jealous of your wings," she admitted. "And you told me if I had any, they'd be clipped. You said the only reason yours weren't was because your father saved them. And I always thought my father would save mine too, if I had any."
I stared at her sad, brown eyes. She blinked back tears and shook her head.
"But if I had wings, he would have ripped them off completely."
When she broke down into tears again, I got into the bed, murmuring comforts as I brought her close to me, holding her gently.
We stayed like that for about twenty minutes until my mother came in with Morrigan's lunch.
"Eve, maybe give her some space to eat, okay?" Mother told me.
"No, I don't want her to leave," Morrigan sniffled, sitting up.
Mother sighed, placing the tray of food on the bed. Morrigan carefully reached for it, wincing in pain.
"I have to go to work," Mother said. "Eve, keep an eye on her. Reach out to me if you need anything. When the boys get back from training, they'll come in to check on you."
"Thanks, Mamá," I said quietly, blowing her a kiss as she went to the door.
"I love you girls," she sighed, blowing a kiss back to us.
"We love you, too," I assured as Morrigan took a bite from the sandwich.
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The boys came to check on her after lessons. Rhys took her vitals and gave her a tonic and some water. Cassian joked around with her, trying to lift her spirits
When they left, Azriel was the only one to stay behind. He got into the bed with both of us.
His shadow, the one I had named Wynn, was trying to entertain my cousin.
"Knock it off, Ash," I warned as the shadow started messing with my hair.
"Ash?" Morrigan asked, raising an amused eyebrow.
"I named all of them a few years ago," I explained.
"How can you tell them apart?" she wondered.
"They all have different personalities," I told her. "Wynn is overprotective, Ash is a tattletale, Blake is funny, Jamie can be mean, River is very outgoing, and Charlie is kind."
"Jamie isn't mean, she just doesn't dote on you like the others," Azriel retorted.
"She really should," I replied.
Chapter Text
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age: 17
I stood in the sitting room with my brother, Morrigan resting her head on my shoulder as I wrapped my arms around her. My parents sat before the three of us.
Morrigan was still recovering. She'd been staying with us since she wasn't welcome at home. My mother was happy to have her here. She'd slept in my bedroom every night, not being able to stand the nightmares she had alone.
"We still need the alliance with the Autumn Court," my father explained. "Beron needs one of his sons to marry. Since Morrigan is out of the question now..."
He trailed off, and I realized with a start that he was looking at me with regret in his eyes. I glanced around the room.
"No," I said firmly. I turned to my mother. "Mamá, tell him no."
"You can't be serious," Mother insisted as she walked toward him. "She's seventeen years old."
"His youngest son Elio is 35," Father explained.
"No," I repeated. "I'm not marrying him."
I'd met Elio before. He did not seem as cruel as his brothers or his father, but I had no interest in him.
"I have no wish to do this, Evelina," he promised, pacing over to me. I glared at him as he stroked my cheek. "We have no choice. With war looming, we need this alliance."
"You can't just whore her out," Rhys said through gritted teeth.
"Rhysand--"
"She doesn't want to marry him," he insisted. "You can't force her to!"
"I don't want to, son, believe me," he pressed.
"Then don't!"
"You don't understand," he said. "If a war comes, we cannot afford..."
"But you can afford to sell your daughter--"
"That's enough, Rhysand!" he snapped.
Rhys glared at him and turned to my mother, who had silent tears streaming down her face. I had to look away. I hated to see her cry.
"Please just try to negotiate with him," Mother begged, wiping tears from her eyes. "Try to find another way."
"I have tried," he insisted. "I have tried every other way. I've tried to bargain and negotiate. This is all he'll accept."
"Why do they even want me?" I huffed. "I'm half Illyrian." My mother flinched at the words, and a pang of guilt ate at me.
"You're the princess of the Night Court, my dear," he reminded me. "Though, they will likely want you to put your wings away most of the time."
"Great, so you saved my wings from being clipped, and now I can't even use them," I sneered. He sighed.
"I'm very sorry," he said quietly, leaning down and planting a kiss on my forehead. "You have a week until the wedding."
"A week?" I exclaimed, tears stinging my violet eyes. My mother broke down, sobbing into her hands as she sat on the couch.
"If you do this, you could be saving our Court," he said to me.
"If?" I asked, glancing up. "I have a choice?" He sighed, but there was a slight shake of his head.
"You do not have a choice," he admitted. "And I'm so sorry. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do."
"How do you think she feels?" Rhys yelled, tears now welling in his eyes as well.
"Rhys," I whispered, wiping my eyes. "Don't yell. It won't make a difference." My brother turned to me, his eyes wide with outrage.
"But--"
"Just stop," I said, shaking my head. "I need to get some air."
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I'd spent the last 30 hours sitting in that godsdamn treehouse. I knew they'd been looking for me. Rhys had been relentlessly trying to get into my head. I'd blocked him out.
I found comfort in the bottles of wine and snacks that Az and I had stashed up here. I'd slept, cried, drank, stuffed my face with sugary snacks, and just been alone with my thoughts.
Maybe nobody would ever find me, and I could live up here forever. It'd be better than the Autumn Court.
A knock at the door on the floor of the treehouse made me jump. It opened up, and Azriel climbed in.
Of course he'd known where to find me. I wiped my eyes and leaned against the wall. He closed the door behind him and slumped by my side.
"Everyone's worried about you," he said to me, concern flashing in his hazel eyes.
"They'll survive," I grumbled.
"Will you?"
"I'm not sure."
I rested my head on his shoulder as he wrapped an arm and a wing around me.
Before I could think of what I was doing, I climbed onto his lap and grabbed his face, pressing his lips to mine.
Instead of kissing back like before, he pushed me off of him, his brows knitted together. I stared at him, my face going a bit red.
"Are you serious?" he demanded, deep frustration in his voice. "After what happened with Mor--"
"My father would never do that to me," I pointed out, shaking my head desperately. "It's my only way of getting out of this."
"No, Evie," he declined firmly. "I won't risk it after what happened to her."
I broke down in tears again, and he didn't hesitate to wrap his arms around me, holding me close to him.
"I don't want to marry him, Az," I sobbed. He stroked my hair back, whispering comforts into my ear. "Why don't I get a choice?"
He pulled away, holding my face in his hands. I studied him. The way his brow was furrowed in concern, his beautiful hazel eyes filled with sorrow. His full lips that had felt so incredible against mine.
"I'm sorry, Evie," he expressed quitely.
He pressed a kiss on my forehead. His shadows stroked my cheek and wrapped around me. Even Jamie participated in comforting me.
"You know I need to take you home, don't you?"
"Yes, I know," I nodded, sniffling.
"I love you," he said quietly. "And I'll miss you dearly."
"Az," I breathed, glancing up at him. "I am glad my first kiss was with you."
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Astraea came to my room the night before I was to be sent off to Autumn.
I wiped the tears from my eyes and sniffled as she sat on my bed with me. She sighed, immediately pulling me into her arms lovingly.
“I’m so sorry, dulzura,” she whispered. I buried my face in the crook of her neck.
“I never thought he would so something like this to me,” I confessed. Part of me had been wondering if I ever knew my father at all.
“It’s a cruel and cowardly decision he’s made,” she seethed, pulling back to look at me. “You don’t deserve it, Eve.”
“I’ll never be able to forgive him,” I said quietly, hating myself for the confession.
“He doesn’t deserve your forgiveness,” she insisted. “He’ll never understand just how horrible what he did was. He’s a male who’s never been in this position.”
“But you have,” I realized, seeing the anger in her eyes. She sighed, but nodded.
“Yes, I have,” she confessed. “When I was ten years old, I got stuck in a bargain with a cruel male that ended with me becoming his property. It wasn’t until I was 16, and your mother saved me that I had freedom.”
“But you were just a child,” I pointed out.
“Some particularly evil males prefer it that way,” she said quietly. My stomach turned.
“I’m sorry,” I said to her.
“Just know that I understand what you’re going through,” she promised, stroking my hair back. “I have felt that fear a million times.”
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Saying goodbye was death by a thousand cuts.
Tears streamed down my face the entire time. The only one crying more than me was my mother.
Cassian was crying too. So was Morrigan. Both of them blamed themselves for me having to do this.
"It's not your fault," I promised, my hand on Mor's shoulder.
"I should've just married him!" she sobbed, shaking her head. "I'm so sorry, Eve."
"It's okay," I said quietly, tugging her into a hug.
When we pulled back, Cassian embraced me. He held me to tight, I thought I would suffocate.
Astraea’s embrace was comforting. Her tears weren’t.
“I’ll write to you,” she assured me. “I love you. I’m so sorry. Write to me about anything, I’ll be there for you, okay?”
I nodded, kissing her cheek. I then knelt by her daughter, who was sniffling, tear stains on her cheek.
“Oh, don’t cry, Luna,” I cooed, wiping the tears from the little girl’s face.
“I’m gonna miss you,” she complained.
“I’ll miss you, too,” I sighed. I planted a kiss on her cheek and stood up.
Azriel was next.
I rarely saw him cry. But now, there were tears welling in his hazel eyes.
"Don't cry, Azzy," I whispered, my lower lip trembling.
"I'm sorry," he said quitely, wiping his eyes.
Wynn and Charlie both began swirling around my arm while the other shadows rested at my shoulder.
“I’ll miss you guys,” I admitted to the shadows, letting Wynn wrap around my hand. “Don’t tell the others, Wynnie, but you’re my favorite.”
Jamie returned to Azriel when she heard that, but the others didn’t seem to mind. I chuckled as Wynn stroked my cheek, something she’d been fond of doing since I was a child.
I wrapped my arms around Azriel, hiding my face in the crook of his neck. He stroked my hair and planted kisses on the top of my head. His shadows hugged me, too, wrapping around my body in comfort.
I didn't ever want to let go, but I knew that wasn't a choice. I pulled away and kissed his cheek. He wiped the tears from my eyes and nodded.
Saying goodbye to my brother would be the most difficult. I'd never been away from him. Ever. Not even for a night. We'd been together from the womb, and now we were going to be separated.
He nearly tackled me with a hug, sobs wracking his body. That only made me cry harder. We stood there together, weeping as we held each other.
"I don't want you to go," he managed through his tears.
"I wish I didn't have to, Rhysie," I replied through shaky sobs.
"Mother and I will visit all the time," he promised, pulling back to look at me.
His violet eyes, the eyes we shared, were red from crying.
"I love you," he whispered.
"I love you, too," I replied, sniffling.
He kissed my cheek, and once he pulled back. I turned to my mother. When I approached, she stroked my cheek, her eyes filled with tears.
"My beautiful starling," she said quietly.
No longer her "little" starling. No, I was all grown up know.
"Mamá, I don't want to leave you," I cried.
"You are so brave, Evelina," she told me, her thumb stroking my cheek as she held my face in her hands.
"I'm not brave," I denied. "I don't have a choice."
"Starling, I'm so sorry," he expressed. "I will come see you, I promise."
"I'm gonna miss you so much," I wept.
She hugged me to her, shushing me as she stroked my hair. Her arms made me feel so safe. Nothing could hurt me. But I would be ripped from them too soon.
"I'm not ready to be married, Mamá," I said to her.
"I know," she replied, her voice breaking. "I love you, mija."
"Evelina," my father spoke up. "It's time to go."
My mother let out a sob, holding me closer. I didn't want to leave her arms. I couldn't leave her. She'd been with me my entire life.
"Eve, now," he said more firmly.
My mother kissed my cheek as she pulled away. I shook my head, forcing her to close to me, and holding onto her.
My father grabbed my arm and yanked me away from her. I cried out, fighting against him, trying to get out of his grip and back to my mother.
He was stronger than me. He winnowed us away before I could rip away from him.
Chapter Text
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‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙
age: 17
Elio wasn't unattractive. In fact, he was quite handsome. He gave me a shy smile as I approached him, my father leading me forward.
My dress was a maroon velvet with long flared sleeves. I had to hold up the extra fabric so I didn't trip. There were golden designs embroidered across my waist.
"Goodbye, my sweet Eve," my father said to me. I blinked back tears as he pressed a kiss to my cheek.
"Goodbye, Father," I said quietly, unable to bring myself to anger as I realized it would be a long time before I saw him again.
He winnowed away, and I was left with this new family. Beron, his wife Marzia, his daughter, and his three sons. The middle son was watching me nervously.
"Welcome to the family, Evelina," Marzia said sweetly, approaching me.
She pressed a kiss to my cheek and hugged me in welcome. I hugged her back. Maybe I would at least have one person to trust here.
"The wedding is in two days," she announced, holding my hand in hers. "Elio?" Elio stepped forward. I forced myself to smile at the older male.
He had brown hair that was kept short, unlike his brothers who grew their red hair out. His amber eyes were flitting around the room nervously.
After a deep breath, he presented me with a ring. A silver band with a small diamond on top. I let him slide it onto my left ring finger.
"Thank you," I said quietly, though I couldn't meet his eyes as I curtsied before him.
"You are the put the wings away," Beron announced to me. Marzia put a hand on my shoulder as her husband's attention was turned to me. "Always."
"Always?" I demanded. They all turned to me as though no one had ever questioned the male before.
"Always," he repeated. "The people of my court cannot know you're a lesser fae."
"I'm not a lesser fae. I'm only half Illyrian," I insisted.
Cassian always told me not to be ashamed of my heritage. Though, Azriel bore enough shame for all of us.
"Do not talk back," he warned. "I also expect you to refrain from using your powers. In our court, it is not acceptable for females to use magic.”
“That’s ridi—“
“Marzia, show her to her room,” he cut me off tonighy. “I don't want to deal with this tonight."
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Marzia brushed my hair as I stared at myself in the mirror. I fidgeted with the diamond necklace Elio had given me.
"It'll be okay, darling," she promised me.
"I wish my mother were here," I said quietly.
My family was not allowed at the wedding. My father was too busy and he believed my mother, brother, and friends would die trying to stop the wedding.
"I know, my dear," she cooed, stroking my hair. "Elio is not like his father. He's gentle and kind. I know you do not love him, but he won't be cruel to you."
"Can I have some time to myself?" I wondered.
She nodded her pretty head, kissing my cheek before leaving the room.
I sighed, closing my eyes and reaching out. I found my brother's mind and called to him. Because of the distance, he was the only one I could still speak to. Since we shared the same skills, distance and time did not matter. I brushed the claws of my power against his shield, and it opened.
"Rhys."
"Are you okay?"
"I'm fine. I'm about to get married."
"I wish I was there, Eve."
"Me too."
"Show me your dress."
I smiled slightly, sending him a picture of me in my wedding dress.
"You look beautiful, Eve."
"Thank you."
"I'm so proud of you. So is Mother. And we are so sorry."
“Rhysie, I won’t be able to talk to you that often,” I realized. “Beron doesn’t believe it proper for females to use magic. We’ll have to communicate sparingly so he doesn’t sense it.”
“If Father wasn’t the High Lord and couldn’t command me otherwise, I would kill Beron and anyone else who was forcing you to be married.”
“I know.”
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Walking down the aisle was strange and awkward. I knew nobody in attendance other than Elio's family. Speaking of Elio, he seemed just as uncomfortable as I felt.
I couldn't lie, the wedding itself was beautiful. We were in the front of the manor, the aisle and seating between rows of trees. The trees were gorgeous, filled with leaves of red, orange, yellow, and gold.
The Priestess at the end of the aisle was smiling at me. I just wished my parents were here. Or at least my brother.
I finally made it to the end of the aisle and stood next to Elio. He smiled at me awkwardly. He looked handsome in his golden suit.
The night went by in a blur.
The Priestess said some words that I blocked out, then Elio was sliding a ring onto my finger. I did the same for him.
He kissed me when we were told to, and I kissed back. We signed a marriage certificate. We danced for the guests.
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I sat on the large bed, still in my gorgeous, golden wedding gown. Elio let out a deep sigh as he sat beside me.
The sheets of the bed were an evergreen with gold leaves embroidered into them. There were large windows stretching up and down the whole wall, giving an excellent view of the forest. The leaves of the trees were all orange, red, and yellow. There was a velvet maroon loveseat in the corner of the room.
I didn't want to admit it, but I was scared. I'd never been with a male before. Though, if I had been, I wouldn't have been married off.
"We don't have to do anything," he promised. "I know it's strange. We barely know each other. And I’m a lot older than you."
"I don't think I'm ready," I said quietly, staring at my lap.
"That's okay," he assured, placing a hand on my shoulder. "I will never force you, Evelina."
A wave of relief washed over me. I nodded, blinking back tears.
"Thank you," I said with a soft smile.
I knew it would have to happen eventually. We would need to have children. But I wasn't ready.
"There are clothes for you in the closet," he informed me. I nodded, standing up and smoothing down my dress.
When I reached the closet, I realized that an entire side was dedicated to me. There were gorgeous gowns, along with some night clothes. I opened a drawer to find underthings, tights, and corsets. There were shoes on a shelf.
I began stripping out of my wedding gown and the corset and tights beneath it. I grabbed a pretty orange nightgown and slipped it on. It wasn't too revealing.
When I got back to the bedroom, I got beneath the sheets, and Elio went to change. I turned to face the other way, trying to find sleep quickly.
Chapter Text
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I got dressed the next morning, slipping into a nice golden gown I found in my closet.
Elio led me to the dining hall where his family had gathered for breakfast. I smiled at them in greeting, sitting down next to his sister, Eden, as he sat on the other side of me.
There were many plates of breakfast foods in front of us. I put some eggs on my plate along with some fruits. I filled my glass with water.
"Father, I think I'll take Eden hunting with mme today," Eris spoke up. Eden perked up beside me at the idea.
"Oh, please, Father, I've been wanting to go with him for ages," Eden pleaded. Beron sighed, thinking it over.
"Very well, just have her back in time to help her mother prepare supper," Beron decided. Eris nodded, going back to his food. Eden beamed as she filled her glass with orange juice.
"Do you like to hunt?" I asked Elio, taking the opportunity to get to know my husband.
"Yes," he replied, not bothering to expand on it.
"Have you been hunting before?" Eden asked me. I was grateful at her attempt to speak with me.
"My father took me along a few times, but I didn't enjoy it very much," I admitted. "I'm not quite patient enough."
"I don't think Eden will be either," the third born, Callum, joked. Eden rolled her amber eyes.
"Did you prepare breakfast?" I asked Marzia.
Her head shot up, and she stared at me for a second as though she was surprised to be addressed.
"Yes," she confirmed. "Eden and I prepare all the meals except lunch. Perhaps you can join us tonight in preparing supper." I smiled gratefully.
"I'd love that."
The rest of breakfast was eaten in silence. When I finished my meal, I placed my silverware on my plate. Marzia stood up and began collecting the dishes to bring to the kitchen.
"Come, my dear," Elio spoke, offering a hand to me as he stood.
"Where are we going?" I asked, glancing around.
"Don't question your husband, girl," Beron scolded me.
"It's alright, Father," Elio defended me. "I thought I'd take you on a carriage ride so you could see the court."
I smiled gratefully, taking his hand and getting to my feet.
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People were staring at the carriage as it went by. I waved to them through the window, smiling in awe at the beautiful view.
The autumn foliage was a breathtaking sight. The path we were riding down was lined with trees. The trees had leaves of gold, red, and orange.
The brown mares that pulled the carriage were gorgeous. Elio smiled as he watched me taking in everything we passed.
"It's such a beautiful court," I announced, sighing deeply. He nodded his agreement.
A fox ran past the carriage and I gasped, my eyes going wide. I'd never seen a fox before. I'd only seen illustrations and read about them in stories.
"Was that a fox?"
"Yes," he answered, grinning. "We have many of them here."
"That's incredible," I beamed.
"What's in like in your court?"
"Beautiful," I replied with a smile. "The nights are breathtaking. The days are pretty, too. I mostly grew up in the Illyrian mountains. It was cold and brutal. But I had my family there."
"You're close with your family?" he asked me, seeming surprised.
"Yes," I admitted with a nod. "Aren't you?"
"I love my mother and sister dearly," he said with a shrug. "My brothers and I tolerate each other."
"And your father?"
He didn't respond. I glanced out the window, pretending as though I had never asked.
"I'm sure my mother is looking forward to cooking dinner with you tonight," he said, changing the subject.
"I'm looking forward to it as well," I confessed.
I was so afraid I would be lonely and mistreated here. But Elio seemed kind enough. Beron was rude, but he hadn't harmed me. Marzia seemed like she could be a friend. Maybe even Eden as well.
‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙
I couldn't help but laugh as Eden spilled batter all over her dress, even as she shrieked and desperately wiped at it with a towel.
Marzia glanced around to make sure no one was near before flicking her fingers. The batter disappeared from the girl's dress, and she relaxed.
"Thank you," she said to her mother. I chuckled, continuing to prepare the salad.
Eden studied me as I worked on the salad, and I felt a bit uncomfortable from her stare. I turned to her, raising an eyebrow.
"Are you a prude, Evelina?" she wondered. My eyes widened, the words shocking me.
"Excuse me?"
"Eden, don't ask such rude questions," Marzia warned her daughter.
"It's just that my room is right next to yours, and I'm pretty sure nothing happened last night," she teased. I pursed my lips.
"I am not a prude," I lied. “It’s just difficult. I just met him. And our age difference is a year greater than my age.”
“Prude,” Eden mused, a teasing smile on her lips.
"How old are you, anyway?" I demanded. She straightened up.
"I'm sixteen," she replied.
"Ah," I nodded. "So next year, when your father marries you off to an older male you don't know, come back to me and tell me how easy it is for you to sleep with him."
That shut her up. She went back to making brownies. Marzi sighed, her hand suddenly on my shoulder.
"I know this isn't easy for you, dear," she smiled sadly. "I was in the same position when I was just a few years older than you are now."
"How did you come to terms with it?" I wondered.
"I had no choice," she replied. "But you should know that it is important for you and Elio to have children. You don't have to now, but eventually, it will have to happen."
"I know," I admitted, staring at the ground. She lifted my chin so I was looking into her amber eyes.
"Once you have children, things stop being so bad," she promised me. "You stop feeling so alone. You will finally have someone to love who loves you back. Someone familiar."
"I don't want to have children until I'm at least 200," I confessed. She sighed.
"I'm afraid as females in this court, we don't have much of a choice. You know how it is."
"I'm only 17," I retorted. "I don't know anything."
"You'll learn," she sighed, stroking my cheek. "Elio is a kind male. He'll treat you and your offspring well."
"And your husband?" I dared to ask. "How will he treat me and my offspring?"
"Stay out of his way," she advised. "Follow his instructions. Do not anger him, and you shall be fine."
Chapter Text
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age: 18
Four months had passed. I had yet to consummate my marriage, but Elio was still kind to me. I'd grown close with his sister and mother.
I walked down the hallway, arm in arm with Eden, who was telling me all about the male she'd been sneaking around with.
"Are you sure he truly cares for you?" I wondered. "It sounds like he's using you."
"If he can get me away from here, I don't care," she grimaced. I chuckled.
I couldn't blame her. Her father treated her and her brothers terribly. Almost as bad as he treated their mother.
We turned the corner, both of us bumping into someone. Eris immediately began scolding us about watching where we were going, but I tuned it out, glowering at him.
"You're the one who should watch where you're going," Eden snapped at him. Not her greatest comeback.
"You really shouldn't speak to me that way," he warned her. "Not when I saw you climbing through your window at 4:00 this morning." She went red.
"Don't you dare tell anybody," she glared, hitting his arm.
He smiled the smug smile of a male who knew he had power over somebody. I'd seen it many times in my brother when he caught me doing something I wasn't supposed to.
"Come on, Eden," I pleaded, clutching her arm.
She sent one more glare to her smirking brother as we made our way down the hall.
"I will murder him if he tells our father," she grumbled. I giggled, shaking my head.
"If he tells, he won't have any power over you anymore."
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"I fear nobody here likes me," I admitted to Eden as we sat in the sitting room, sharing a bottle of wine.
Elio was playing a game of cards with his brothers and father. Marzia was cleaning out the fireplace. Eden and I offered to help, but she turned us down, so we started drinking.
"My mother likes you," she promised. "Elio likes you. I'm not sure of my father or brothers."
"And what about the people of the court?" I wondered, my words slurring a bit.
"They don't like any of us," she promised. "It's my father's fault, really. He's so cruel."
"Shh," I warned, as the male was in the same room as us.
She giggled, glancing over to make sure the male didn't hear us. She sighed, resting her head on my shoulder.
Callum cried out in joy, which meant he likely won the game. His other brother groaned, Elio even slammed his fist against the table, which made me flinch.
"So dramatic," Eden mused. I chuckled, nodding my agreement.
Marzia sighed as she finally stood up, ashes covering her lovely dress. I didn't understand the way the males treated her.
Back home, my mother was never treated as less than, and neither was I. We weren't forced to do housework, nor did we have to cook. We certainly didn't get scolded for speaking our minds, and we weren't expected to have children if we didn't want them.
"Shall we retire to the bedroom, my dear?" Elio asked as he approached me.
I smiled, taking the hand he was offering me. He helped me to my feet, though I stumbled a bit, the wine going to my head.
"That'd be lovely."
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It was four months into my marriage. I'd woken up in shattering pain, blood coating my inner thighs.
I groaned, sitting up and clutching my stomach. I nudged my husband awake next to me.
"What is it?" he asked, sitting up.
"My cycle," I explained, squeezing my eyes shut. "I got blood on the sheets. I'm so sorry."
He got out of the bed and made his way over to my side. He picked me up like a bride and carried me to the bathroom.
With a wave of his hand, it was filled with water. He carefully set me on the ground.
"Take a bath," he instructed. "I'll clean the sheets. When you get out, you can go back to bed. I'll bring supplies and breakfast."
"What of my chores?" I asked, my voice straining from the pain.
"Don't worry about them," he insisted. "I'll bring you anything you'd like, my dear."
"You're too kind to me," I said, my face blushing.
He chuckled, leaning down a pressing a kiss to my forehead. I watched as he left the bathroom and closed the door behind him. I stripped out of my nightgown and lowered myself into the tub.
‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾
Eden came clambering into my bedroom, waking me a from a much needed nap. I groaned, chucking a pillow at her. She giggled, catching it and climbing into bed with me.
"I brought you chocolates," she announced, handing me a bag. "These are the ones Eris always brings me when I'm on my cycle."
I raised an eyebrow at that. Eris didn't seem decent enough to do that. Though, I hadn't spoken a word to him in my four months here. I was still furious about what happened to my cousin.
"Thank you," I sighed, sitting up and indulging in one. I moaned at the taste, nodding my approval. "Delicious."
"I also brought some novels," she grinned.
"I don't like reading," I complained.
"Oh, you'll like this," she smirked. "I can even read it out loud to you."
I nodded my agreement, resting my head on her shoulder as she opened it up and began reading out loud to me.
Chapter Text
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age: 19
"Is this too dramatic?" I joked, holding out a black gown that was far too fancy for the ball we were attending.
"Put that away, and be serious," Eden laughed, shoving my shoulder.
She had already picked her dress out, but now she needed shoes. I picked up a pair of silver heels.
"These would go well with your green dress," I informed her. She took them from me and studied the shoes, then wrinkled her nose.
"No," she decided. "Not quite."
"Oooh, what about this?" I questioned, finding a gold dress in the back of my wardrobe. "Too much?"
"No, it's perfect," she informed me, beaming at it. "It'll show off your assets very well."
I giggled as I began stripping off the dress I was wearing. I kept my underthings on as I stepped into the golden gown.
Eden helped me tie up the back, then she tied the sash for me. I grinned as I stared at myself in the mirror. I looked gorgeous.
"Now for your hair," she said, leading me to my vanity. "I think we'll braid it."
"I trust your vision," I informed her, closing my eyes. "Do what you must."
‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾
We arrived at the ball a few hours later. I entered with Elio on my arm, my hair braided in a crown over my head.
I had a gold mask on my face to match my dress. Elio wore a green mask with his black suit.
"Let's get some wine, my dear," he offered. I nodded with a smile, following him to the refreshments.
He filled a glass for me and I took it, drinking it down. He grinned, taking a glass for himself.
Suddenly, a look of exasperation fell over his face as his eyes focused on someone from across the room.
"What is it, Elio?" I asked.
"Willem," he said, shaking his head. I glanced over at a blonde male who was making his way towards us. "He's from the Spring Court. We've known each other since we were boys. He's an asshole. He has always objectified my mother and sister. He says disgusting things about them, and treats them like--"
"He's coming this way," I noticed.
"Yes," he replied.
"Elio!" Willem greeted, pulling my husband into a hug. Elio was tense holding his wine carefully so he didn't spill it. Willem glanced over at me. "This must be your lovely wife."
"Yes, and I'd appreciate it if you left her alone," Elio said.
"I'm Willem," he introduced himself, holding his hand out.
I warily shook it, but he grabbed my hand tightly, flipping it over and leaning down to plant a wet kiss on it. I cringed, pulling my hand back.
"Evelina, isn't it?" he recalled. "Princess of the Night Court?"
"Princess of the Autumn Court, now," Elio corrected.
"You're gorgeous," he informed me, his eyes flitting over my body. I grabbed my husband's hand, feeling self conscious.
"Willem," we heard. Eris approached, seeming annoyed. "Are you bothering my brother and his wife?"
"We're just talking," Willem said.
"Leave them alone," Eris told him. "Go dance."
"Is your lovely sister here tonight?" Willem questioned with a smirk.
"If you so much as look at Eden, I will carve your eyes out," Eris threatened. I bit my lip to keep from smiling.
Eris went off to dance with a female, and Elio and I stood with our glasses of wine. Once we had both finished our glasses, he offered me his hand.
"Shall we dance?" he asked.
"We shall," I beamed.
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I found myself having a wonderful time. I came back from the ball, laughing and drunk, holding hands with my husband as we stumbled into the room.
"Mother above, I can't remember that last time I had fun like that," I confessed, grinning.
"Me neither," he agreed with a soft smile.
I began stripping from my dress, not even caring that Elio was there. His eyebrows raised in surprise. I took off even my underthings and threw myself onto the bed.
"Are you . . ." he began.
I nodded, smirking at him. He beamed, immediately beginning to strip from his suit. Though he had shared a bed for the last year and a half, we had still not slept together.
When he got on the bed, I tried to climb on top of him, but he flipped me over, pinning my wrists to the bed. I squeaked in surprise.
"Will you be gentle?" I asked. "I've never--"
"Of course," he promised, chuckling darkly.
I bit my lip in anticipation, staring up at him. I gasped as I felt his cock rub against me. I whimpered as he slid in slowly. It was painful, yes, but beneath the pain was pleasure.
"Are you okay?" he asked me.
I nodded, and he let go of my wrists. I entangled my hands in his hair as he thrust in and out of me.
I moaned, wrapping my legs around his body. The angle made his cock go deeper. He grunted, his hand wrapping around my throat and squeezing slightly.
I gasped, surprised by the action. His thrusts became rougher, and I realized that I liked that. Although, I didn't like how tightly he was squeezing on my neck.
I hit his hand with mine, telling him to loosen his grip. He obliged, but pinned my wrists down to the bed again.
"Sorry," he said. "I can't get off without being a bit rough."
"Oh," I replied.
I guessed that I didn't mind much. I just shut my eyes and let the pleasure take over me. He came quickly, spilling inside of me, then rolled off of me.
"Did you cum?" he asked me.
"No," I replied.
"Oh, sorry," he said. "Can you get yourself off? I'm tired."
"Oh... okay," I nodded.
Chapter Text
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‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙
age: 19
I loved the sheets of my bed. They were silky and poofy, the perfect shade of evergreen. Being tangled in them with a book in my hands was the perfect afternoon.
One of the full length windows was open, and the crisp autumn air was creeping in and tickling my nose. I sighed contently.
I read peacefully until the door opened. I sat up, watching as my husband entered and fixed his shirt in our full body mirror.
I squinted, noticing a red mark on his eye. I stood up and rushed over to him, turning him to face me.
"Eve--"
"Gods, Elio," I sighed as I took in this sight. He had a bruise on his cheekbone and a cut on his lip as well. "Sit down."
He was sensible enough not to argue. I sat him down and began dabbing at his lip with a handkerchief.
"What happened?" I questioned. "Did you get in a fight with one of your siblings?"
Rhys and I had roughed each other up on several occasions growing up. I had even gotten into it with Cassian once.
"My father," he admitted. I raised a brow. "I expressed concern for my mother. I said she shouldn't be doing all that housework while pregnant."
"So he hit you?"
"You know how it is with fathers," he pointed out. I shook my head.
"I don't, actually," I admitted. "Mine never hit us."
"Never?"
"Not once."
"The High Lord of the Night Court never hit you?" He seemed very skeptical.
"I know he gets a bad reputation," I acknowledged. "But he never raised a hand to us. He yelled, and our mother would send us to bed without supper. But that was all."
"I'm sorry, I'm just surprised," he confessed. "He sold you."
"Yes," I recalled, putting pressure on his wound. "And I know he had his reasons, but I'm not sure I'll ever forgive him for that. No offense."
"None taken," he grinned.
"I always thought I knew him," I opened up, glancing down at my lap. "But when he sold me, I realized I didn't know him at all. My mother will likely never forgive him."
"So you think she'll stay with him?" he wondered.
"Yes," I confirmed with a deep sigh. "Illyrian females get their wings clipped when they come of age. Just as she was about to get hers clipped, my father saved her. She'll always consider herself in debt to him. I also think she fears that if she leaves him, he'll clip her wings."
"Were yours clipped?"
"No," I denied. "I was living with my mother when I came of age. She ordered the camp lords to leave my wings alone. She was Lady of Night, so they obeyed. If they had disobeyed her, they would've had to face my father."
He grimaced at that.
"But you know it's not normal," I informed him. "The way your father treats you, your mother, your siblings. How your mother, Eden, and I are expected to do the housework and cooking. None of that is normal."
"It's all I've ever known," he said quietly. I sighed, pressing a kiss to his forehead.
"I'll start taking over most of the housework so your mother can do the less physically demanding things," I promised. "I'll talk to Eden. I'm sure she'd help." Relief washed over his face.
"That would mean the world to me," he informed me. "To us." I furrowed my brows. "My brothers and me. We may not get along, but the one thing we all agree on is our concern for our mother and sister."
"I've also been worried," I said. "Watching her do all that work when she can barely walk. Why doesn't your father hire servants?"
"We have servants to do the yardwork, cook lunch, and clean the farther parts of the manor," he pointed out.
"That still leaves a lot of work," I said.
"He says he shouldn't have to waste money on servants when he has a wife and daughter," he explained. I grimaced.
"So your mother was doing all that work alone before Eden was born?" I questioned. He nodded.
"Eden was expected to begin doing her share when she turned seven," he said.
"Did she ever get schooling?"
"She learned to read, write, and speak properly," he sighed. "She can do basic math. She learned proper etiquitte."
"Poor girl," I murmured, sighing.
"Thank you for cleaning me up, Eve," he said with a smile, getting to his feet and kissing my cheek.
‧⁺˚*・༓☾ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙
Eden and I had bonded over going out at night, finding new bars to frequent. We both snuck out after her father and my husband were asleep.
She let me borrow dresses, since mine were all too proper for a bar. She had some she'd made herself, that she hid in the back of her closet and only wore when she was sneaking out.
We tried to hush our giggles as we snuck out her window, climbing down as carefully as we could. I was tempted to take my wings out.
When we reached the bar, we both sat and ordered our drinks. I slumped, resting my head in my arms, and she rubbed my back soothingly.
"My brothers and I used to sneak out to go drinking," I recalled, glancing up at her. "Gods, I miss them."
"Did you ever get in trouble?" she wondered.
"Yes," I snickered, sitting up. "My mother reprimanded us so many times. I miss her, too."
"I can't imagine being separated from my mother," Eden said quietly.
"Being away from her has left a hole in my heart," I admitted. "And we write to each other, but it's not the same as being with her."
The bartender brought us both our drinks. I downed mine, immediately asking for a refill. I got another drink, downing that pretty quickly as well.
Eden was drinking almost as much as me, though she kept shooting me concerned glances. She stood and reached her hand out to me.
"Dance with me," she offered. I nodded, getting to my feet and going to dance floor with her.
We spent the night drinking, dancing, and being loud enough for the bartender to threaten kicking us out.
We stumbled home around four in the morning, laughing loud, shrieking laughs, singing, and stumbling over each other.
We both snuck back into our rooms, and I managed to get in bed before Elio woke up.
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Both Eden and I were positive we'd gotten away with our little escapade, both of us getting dressed and going to breakfast as though nothing happened.
The first thing we noticed when we entered the dining hall was that Beron was absent. We exchanged a nervous glance, but sat at our seats.
"Good morning," I said quietly as I piled down eggs onto my plate.
"Good morning, darlings," Marzia smiled at us.
"Where's Father?" Eden dared to ask.
"I'm not sure, dear," Marzia frowned. "He was gone when I woke up."
"I'm not complaining," Elio mumbled, earning him a warning glance from Eris.
"Is the babe doing alright?" Callum asked his mother.
"He's wonderful," Marzia smiled, placing a hand on her swollen stomach. "The healers say he's due in a few weeks."
"What are you naming him?" Eris wondered.
It was nice when Beron was gone. Everyone spoke with each other freely, and no one was walking on egg shells. The three boys who were usually at each other’s throats managed to get along. Despite the brother’s differences, I could tell they did love each other.
"Foster," she replied.
Before anyone could say anything, the door to the dining room was slammed open. All six of us flinched. Beron entered, his face twisted with fury.
When his gaze settled on Eden and me, we both froze, knowing we'd been caught.
"Do you girls want to explain why the entire court is speaking of your drunken escapade last night?" he demanded.
Eden and I exchanged a glance, then looked back to the male. Eden was truly trembling, but I wasn't sure what to expect. Eden looked so terrified, and I realized I was the one who would need to speak up.
"What are you talking about?" I asked him, playing clueless.
"Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about," he snarled. "I have confirmation that both of you were out last night, drinking and causing mayhem around the court."
"We were not causing mayhem," I declined, nearly laughing at the thought. "We had a few drinks, danced, and went home."
"The whole court is calling you two the 'Plastered Princesses,'" he informed us.
Callum snorted at that, but covered it with a cough when his father shot him a scathing glance.
"Eden, I expect you in my office after breakfast," he told his daughter. "Elio, I'll let you deal with your wife."
Eden glanced at her shaking hands, tears welling up in her eyes. Her mother rested a hand on the girl's back.
"Beron, please, just let it go," Marzia begged her husband. "Eden won't do it again."
"Do not get involved, Marzia," he snapped at her. She flinched. "Eden, you will be in my office in thirty minutes. No excuses."
‧⁺˚*・༓☾
"Will Eden be okay?" I quietly asked Elio as we sat in our bedroom.
"She'll be fine," he promised. "She's been in worse trouble with him."
"Are you going to deal with me?" I chuckled, leaning against my headboard. He rolled his eyes, sighing.
"I don't know what he expects me to do about it," Elio admitted. "I guess, technically, he can't discipline you because you're my property, not his."
"Property?" I demanded, sitting up.
"In this court, that's what you are," he explained to me. "It's what all married females are."
"Well, I'd prefer if you didn't call me that," I mumbled, staring at my lap.
"Okay, I'm sorry, then," he shrugged.
Was that all he saw me as? Property? I played with my hands, glancing up at the male who had said the word 'property' so casually, as if it wasn't completely dehumanizing.
Chapter Text
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‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙
age: 20
Elio, Eden, and I went into town together, Eden and I laughing as we went to each stand, buying food for the grand meal we were preparing for the Solstice.
I held my new brother-in-law in my arms. Foster was the cutest thing I'd ever seen. He was three months old with red hair, brown eyes, and the most adorable little face.
Eden leaned down and cooed at her little brother, poking his nose. He pulled away from her, resting his little head on my shoulder. I pressed a kiss to the top of his head.
As we went back to meet with Elio, I noticed a female speaking with him. She was gorgeous. Red hair, green eyes, an evergreen gown. A beautiful, white-toothed smile.
"Goodness, is this your wife?" she asked, grinning at me. "Oh, she's much prettier than you described, Elio."
Eden didn't hide the disdain on her face as she faced the female. I forced a smile onto my face. She reminded me so much of the girls who used to pick on me when I was a child.
"Evelina," I introduced myself, shifting Foster on my hip.
"I'm Katina," she said with a curtsy.
"We grew up together," Elio explained with a genuine smile. "She's a very good friend of mine."
"Nice to meet you," I said to her, though it was a lie.
"You're much younger than I thought you’d be," she grinned, wrinkling her nose as she studied me. "I can't believe I'm meeting the other half of the Plastered Princesses."
"Shut up, Katina," Eden snapped at the girl, a sneer on my friend's face.
"Hey, I'm kidding," Katina chuckled. "I promise. I'd never disrespect my best friend's wife like that."
I didn't miss the disdain in her voice when she called me his wife. Eden didn't miss is either, because she openly glared at the female.
"We need to go, Elio," Eden said, tugging her brother away from the female. "It's almost Foster's naptime."
‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙
I was truly moaning.
Elio had me on my hands and knees as he brutally fucked into me, rougher than he ever had before. His hand landed a smack on my ass that made me whimper.
His other hand was yanking my hair back. And I loved it. I loved when he was brutal and rough with me. It was such a contrast from how he was in our everyday life.
"Gods, fuck, Elio!" I cried out as my release found me.
He smacked my ass again as I went over to edge, shrieking my pleasure. I didn't care who heard me. It was too good to care.
He spilled into me a moment later, then forced my body down, lifting my hips to keep any of it from spilling out.
"I told you to pull out," I snapped, yanking away from him.
"And I told you that we need to provide my father an heir," he reminded me. "You're so good with Foster. You'll be an excellent mother."
"I'm not ready," I repeated for the millionth time. He sighed, irritated.
"Fine, Eve," he scoffed, getting out of bed and pulling his clothes back on. "But when my father is complaining, don't come crying to me."
"Where are you going?" I demanded.
"Out," he replied simply, going to the mirror to fix his hair.
"El, please don't leave me alone tonight," I pleaded, pulling my knees to my chest and resting my head on them as I watched him.
"You'll be fine," he mumbled as he put a shirt on.
"You know I don't sleep well without you to cuddle," I reminded him with a pout.
I didn't sleep well alone, in general. I hadn't had my own room since before Astraea moved in with us. I liked having someone else in the room with me. It made me feel safe. When Luna came along, it was the three of us in a room. And I loved it so much.
"Why should I cuddle you if you don't want my children?" he wondered, finally turning to glance at me.
"It's not that I don't want your children, it's that I don't want children yet," I explained. "I already have so much to do. Your father has me cleaning half the manor, I wouldn't have time to raise children."
"You'll find time, just like my mother has," he shrugged.
"Your mother is miserable," I pointed out to him.
"Because my father is a piece of shit," he retorted with a glare. "Not because of her children."
"I didn't mean that," I sighed, my face softening. "It would be nice if you helped with some of the chores I'm expected to do."
"My father would beat me to a pulp if he found out I was helping you with chores," he scoffed.
"It would just be nice to have some help," I said quietly. "Even with Marzia and Eden, it's a lot of work."
"Take that up with the High Lord," he said. "I'm going now. Get some sleep, Eve."
He came over to me, kissing me quickly before leaving. I groaned, flopping down on the bed and staring at the ceiling as I blinked back tears.
I hated being lonely. Though, I was always surrounded by people, I missed being with people who loved me.
Yes, I'd grown to love Marzia, Eden, Elio, and his new baby brother. And I knew they loved me back. But it wasn't the same as the love my mother held for me. It wasn't the same as how fiercely my twin and I loved each other. And Morrigan, Astraea, and Cassian. And of course, Azriel. The love I held for him was so different than anyone else.
Sometimes I questioned if Elio really did care for me. There were times where it felt like he did, but then he would say something that sounded so much like his father. Like calling me his property. Or leaving me to go out. Or not pulling out when I asked him to.
I sighed, crawling out of bed. I wouldn't be able to sleep without him. I knew that Marzia had a bedroom separate from the one she shared with Beron. I just hoped she was there tonight.
I put my nightgown back on and made my way down the hall to the room where she would hopefully be.
I carefully knocked on the door. Her lilting voice told me to come in. I stepped into the room to see her in bed, her long red hair pulled back as she read a book.
The tears I'd been blinking back began to fall as I closed the door behind me. Her face fell, and she was immediately on her feet, coming to my side.
"What's wrong, sweetheart?" she asked me, her arms wrapping around me, holding me steady.
"I feel so lonely, Marzia," I sobbed, clutching onto her, hiding my face in her shoulder.
"Oh, I know, love," she replied, stroking my hair. "I felt the same way." I couldn't imagine what she had felt.
"He's pressuring me about having a baby," I explained, pulling back to look at her.
She sighed, wiping my tears away and leading me to the bed. We both got in, and I rested my head on her shoulder, letting her hold me like my own mother used to.
"You'd be a wonderful mother, Evelina," she promised me. "I don't think I would've survived Beron this long without my children."
"There was someone else I wanted to marry," I said quietly. "I really cared for him. And my whole life, since I was a kid, I thought we'd end up together. And then my father just took all my free will away from me."
"I know," she said again. I wondered if there was someone she had wanted to be with.
"Can I sleep in here tonight?" I asked her. "Elio went out, and I don't like being alone at night."
"Of course, love," she said, pressing a kiss to my forehead.
A sigh of relief left my lips, and I nuzzled close to her, our arms wrapping around each other.
Chapter Text
if you didn't get the memo, I combined Dark Paradise and Stargirl, meaning Eve is now a character in Dark Paradise, and Astraea is a character in Stargirl. If you haven't read Dark Paradise, Astraea is Azriel's older sister. She has a daughter named Luna.
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age: 22
I loved when Astraea wrote to me. I always read my family's letters in the library, where there was stationary to write back with.
Today, I grinned as I opened the letter from her, settling on the couch in the middle of the library.
Evelina,
I lost Luna.
The words sent shock through my body, my smile fading. I sat up, reading over the rest of it as tears welled in my eyes.
I held her while she took her last breath. She was just twelve years old. I don't think I'll ever recover from this. Your mother told me that it gets better, but I don't think it does. She was my life. I'm sorry you had to find out from a letter, but none of us are allowed in the Autumn Court without your father's permission. And he won't give us permission to visit you. I love you always.
-Astraea
Tears streamed down my face as I choked back a sob. Little Luna who'd I'd held so many times. I'd watched her grow up. She was only seven when I left.
I couldn't imagine how much pain Astraea was in. She loved Luna so dearly. I wiped my tears and went to the desk to write back to her.
Astraea,
I'm so, so sorry. I can't even imagine what you're experiencing right now. I wish I could come visit you, but I'm not allowed to leave Autumn. Luna loved you so much. She couldn't have had a better mother. She died knowing how much you cared. My mother is right. It will get better. But it will take time. I love you.
-Eve
When I finished writing, I settled onto the couch, leaning back and wiping the tears from my eyes. Astraea had already suffered more than anyone deserved. For her daughter to be taken from her was just cruel.
I wondered how everyone else in my family was handling it. All of us loved Luna dearly. She had been such a sweet little child. I remembered when she was born, how excited we'd all been.
I missed her just as much as I missed the rest of them. It was so unfair that I'd never see her again.
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When Elio finally came to bed, he reeked of perfume and sex. I sat up, staring at him. His hair was disheveled, his shirt only half buttoned. He smelled of another female.
"Elio . . ." I trailed off, trying not to let the heaviness of my chest show on my face.
"I'm sorry, Eve," he said to me as he crawled into bed. "I didn't think you'd care."
"You're my husband," I reminded him, my voice very quiet.
"Neither of us married for love," he pointed out. "And sex with you is great, Eve, but sometimes I need someone new. Someone older, more experienced."
I didn't bother asking if I would be allowed to seek out someone new. I doubted that rule applied to us both.
"If I really hurt you, it won't happen again," he decided, reaching out to stroke my cheek.
"Really?"
"Of course," he insisted.
"I just don't want to be seen as the pathetic wife who doesn't satisfy her husband," I explained.
"Oh, nobody thinks that," he promised, an amused expression on his face. "I'm sorry, Evelina."
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Getting letters from my family was my favorite part of the week. But this week, there was only one. I accepted that and brought it to the library with me. I opened it up, a smile spreading across my face when I read Azriel's name at the bottom.
My dearest Evie,
I miss you more than words can say. Life is so bland without you. Rhys is even more miserable to be around when you're gone. He would never admit it to you, since you wouldn't let him live it down, but he feels like he's lost a part of himself without you. Cassian actually cries when he's missing you particularly badly. I'll admit, I've shed tears over your leaving as well. My shadows whisper to me about you. You were the only thing keeping them in line.
Astraea has thrown herself into a habit of drinking nearly every night since she lost Luna. We never see her sober anymore. Your mother is worried sick about her. And you. She hasn't been the same since you left. Your father is still a prick. No surprise there. Most of us try our best to ignore him. Even your mother only speaks to him when she has to.
But I hope you are doing well. I hope your being treated fairly. I wish I could come visit and decide for myself if they're treating you well enough. You know I'd tear the world apart for you. I love you dearly, Evie.
-Az
I wiped tears from my eyes, reading the letter over and over again, until someone snatched it from my hands.
"What's this?" Eris teased me.
"Give it back, Eris," I insisted, trying to get to him. He put up a shield so I couldn't grab it from him.
"My dearest Evie," he read aloud. "I miss you more than words can say. Life is so bland without you."
"Eris, shut up!" I snapped, banging my fist on the shield.
"Rhys is even more miserable to be around when you're gone," he went on. "He would never admit it to you, since you wouldn't let him live it down, but he feels like he's lost a part of himself without you. Cassian actually cries when he's missing you particularly badly. I'll admit, I've shed tears over your leaving as well. My shadows whisper to me about you. You were the only thing keeping them in line."
The amusement faded from his face as he read the rest of the letter to himself, not out loud. He put the shield down, and handed the letter to me. I smacked his arm for good measure.
"The Shadowsinger, really?" he teased me. I glared.
"Don't tell anyone."
"What is it with you Night Court females falling for Illyrian bastards," he mused.
At the mention of my cousin, I tapped into my power for the first time since I'd gotten married, trying to throw a book at him with my mind.
But nothing happened.
I tried again.
Nothing.
"Your wedding ring is made of faebane," he explained. "All females wedding rings are made of faebane in Autumn. Except my mother's, but that's only because of her status."
I tried to pry my wedding ring off, but it didn't budge. I glanced up at him desperately, and he just raised an eyebrow at me.
"How do I take it off?" I demanded, tears burning in my eyes again.
"It's impossible to take off," he shrugged. "Even widowed females are unable to get the rings off."
"Did Elio know about this?" I snapped. He nodded. I sank down onto the couch, wiping the tears from my eyes again.
"You cry a lot," he observed.
That had been true since I was a child. My father was the first to shame me for it. Even Rhys, Mor, and Cassian had teased me for how easily I burst into tears. The only ones who understood were my mother, Astraea, and Azriel.
"Why did you leave Mor to die?" I asked quietly.
I'd been wanting an answer for a few years. When I saw the way he was with his younger siblings and mother, I questioned if there was something I didn't know about the story.
"I didn't," he replied harshly. "I made sure word got out so the Shadowsinger would know where to find her. If I had touched her, she would've been Autumn Court property. And she would be in the same position you're in now."
I stared up at him, debating whether or not I believed him. He seemed genuine. If it weren't for my wedding ring, I would've gone into his head and seen for myself.
"Okay," I said quietly. "Can I be left alone now?" He nodded, and left the library.
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Chapter Text
Hey, everyone. So I am currently in the process of reading Crescent City, but I don't have a lot of time because of work. So I probably won't get to the new book for a few weeks.
If I write something that contradicts any new information we get in CC3, ignore it. I will fix it after I read the book.
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age: 25
I knew Elio was seeing other females again. This time I decided not to say anything. He'd been on edge lately. I'd stopped expecting too much from him.
I especially didn't say anything when we were fucking. He was still as rough as always, but something had changed. It seemed he was being rough because he needed to get his anger out now, not because I enjoyed it.
"Elio, are you okay?" I managed as I lay on my back, him thrusting into me brutally.
"Shut up," he replied, pinning my wrists above my head. I struggled to get my arms back down, but his grip was too tight.
It wasn't unusual for him to be mean to me in bed. I had told him that I liked it. At least, I used to like it. So, I nodded, going quiet.
His father had been so hard on him lately. He kept coming to our chambers at night with bruises. If he needed quiet, I would give it to him. The war was nearing, so everyone was on edge.
When he finished, he rolled off of me, not caring if I came or not. That never changed. I stared at the ceiling, not letting myself cry. Not in front of him.
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age: 26
Foster sat on my lap as I wrote back to my family. It was my 26th birthday, and all of them had sent me individual letters. Except for my father.
Father hadn't written to me at all since he'd married me off. Not that I wanted to hear from him, nor would I respond, but it felt like it was the least he could do.
But I sent back thank you notes, along with updates to my life. I wrote six of them, one for Mother, Rhys, Azriel, Cassian, Mor, and Astraea.
"What does 'temperamental' mean?" Foster asked as he read what I was writing, butchering the pronunciation of the word. The six year old was such a good little reader for his age. Eden had been teaching him.
"Nothing, sweetheart," I lied, since the male I had been using that word to describe was in the same room as us. Elio didn't seem to be listening, though.
"Don't treat me like a baby," Foster complained. I only rolled my violet eyes and mussed his red hair.
"We need to dress soon," I said to Elio.
"Dress for what?" he questioned, not even glancing at me.
A frustrated sigh left my lips. I stared at the male who didn't seem to be paying attention at all. I nudged Foster.
"Foster, go find your mother so she can get you dressed," I said to the boy.
"Okay," he agreed, jumping off of my lap and leaving the room, closing the door behind him.
"Get dressed for what?" Elio repeated, the words clipped.
"My birthday party," I reminded him, the words coming out less confident than I meant them to. "The one your mother's throwing for me."
"Shit, that's today?" he groaned, turning to face me. "I have plans."
"Yes, today is my birthday," I said quietly. "Did you really forget my birthday?" He hadn't mentioned it all day.
"I'm sorry, I've just had a lot going on lately," he explained, rubbing his face. "I'll be there, I'll just be late."
"Fine," I huffed.
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Once the party started, I almost forgot my husbands absence. Eden and I started drinking, I danced with little Foster, and Marzia made a wonderful cake.
And I had to admit, I looked so beautiful. I had on a deep red velvet gown with a white lace draped over my forearms.
My hair was curled, hanging loose. Eden did my makeup, kohl lining my eyes, red stain on my lips and cheeks.
But the smile faded from my face when my husband entered the party, Katina following close behind, her face flushed. When they finally approached me, I realized.
Their scents were all over each other.
Eden and Marzia both seemed to notice the same time I did. Pity washed over their faces, which only upset me more.
I just clenched my jaw, pushing past my husband as he tried to speak to me. I stormed out of the party, holding my dress up so I didn't trip on it.
I found myself in the first empty room I could, slamming the door behind me. I burst into violent sobs, my entire body shaking with them. I didn't even care that the kohl from my eyes was running.
After a while, the door crept open. Elio stepped in, his face marked with feigned confusion. I almost threw the nearest candlestick at him. Almost.
"What's wrong now?" he demanded as he stepped over to me. I wiped my tears, getting to my feet.
"You're fucking her," I accused, storming towards him.
"I've known her my entire life," he said. "I've been fucking her since before you were even born. You think our marriage was gonna stop that?"
"You had to fuck her right before the party," I sobbed. "You two had to walk into the party together, where everyone could scent you on each other."
"Males aren't expected to stay faithful in this court," he explained.
"I expect you to stay faithful!" I yelled. "You knew everyone would be able to tell. You knew I would. And you didn't care."
"You're overreacting. Nobody cares as much as you do."
When the door opened, we both turned. Eden came storming in, a glare set on her brother. She came to my side, wiping the tears from my eyes and helping me to my feet.
"You're an asshole," she sneered at her brother. "I always thought you were different, but I guess you're just like Father—"
She barely got the words out when his hand struck her face. She whimpered, hand flying to her cheek, then looked up at him with big, shock filled eyes. I flinched, staring at my husband in disbelief.
"Let's go, Eve," she said, her voice breaking. I took her arm and led her away from him.
Chapter Text
age: 27
Elio and I never really celebrated our anniversary. The fact that we weren't exactly in love sort of ruined the occasion. But Marzia always made us a nice dinner that the whole family attended.
"Happy anniversary, my dears," Marzia smiled at us. I smiled back as my husband squeezed my hand and thanked her.
"I must say, I am disappointed," Beron expressed. "It's been 10 years, and still no heir."
The smile was wiped from my face as I exchanged a nervous glance with Elio. His brothers and Eden suddenly found their meals very interesting.
"Have you even fucked her yet, Elio?" Beron questioned. My face grew red as Elio's jaw clenched.
"Beron," Lydia chastised, covering the ears of seven-year-old Foster.
"That's an incredibly invasive and inappropriate question," I argued, narrowing my eyes. "Might I remind you, I was forced into this marriage when I was 17. I have never intended on carrying a child I do not want."
"Do you think I bargained for you so that my son could simply have a wife?" he demanded. "I bought you for him because you're quite pretty, and the family you come from makes you very valuable. You will make incredible heirs."
"You speak of me as if I am an object and not a living being," I sneered.
"Well, I preferred Morrigan," he mused, leaning back in his seat. "She was much prettier than you and far more powerful. If only she hadn't ruined herself." Eris shifted uncomfortably in his seat as I sent him a glare.
"My cousin made her own decision because she didn't want her entire life controlled," I retorted. "Maybe I should've taken a page from her book."
"Elio, you must learn to control your whore," he told his son, ignoring me completely.
I slammed my hand down on the table and rose to my feet, fury spilling from me as I nearly seethed.
"Do not speak of me like that!" I snapped.
I turned on my heel and stormed down the hallway, ignoring him as he yelled insults after me.
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I treated my frustrations with a bottle of wine while I cried in my bed. I longed to see my family again. I missed my life back in Night, where I wasn't treated this way.
The door to my bedroom opened, and I stood up, wiping a tear from my eye. Elio stormed in with an expression I could not read. He didn't say a word as he approached me.
Before I could process anything, he struck me across the face, hard. My head whipped to the side, and I whimpered more from surprise than pain, stumbling as my hand flying to my cheek. I stared at him in disbelief as he glared at me.
"What was that?" Elio demanded.
"I was simply standing up for myself," I defended, rubbing my cheek soothingly. "He can't speak to me like that." Elio let out a humorless laugh.
"I know you come from an untraditional family, but in the Autumn Court, females have a place," he reminded me.
"Excuse me?" I snapped, narrowing my eyes as I crossed my arms.
"If you do as your told, you will be treated with respect," he stated, the words coming out almost as if he was reciting lines his father had fed him.
"You should always treat me with respect, I'm your wife," I replied.
"Good wives keep the home running and bear children," he said. "They do not go throwing temper tantrums at dinner."
"You don't believe that," I insisted, studying his blank expression. "I know you don't."
"It doesn't matter what I believe," he explained. "That is what my father believes. When you misbehave, you aren't the only one facing the consequences. My father is an awful, evil man, and he will take this out on me."
My features softened when I realized behind his stern voice, there were laces of fear.
"I'm sorry," I apologized, lowering my voice. "I don't want you to get hurt."
"We need to get serious about trying for a baby," he decided.
"I've told you, I'm not ready for a baby," I reminded him, staring at the floor, my voice coming out meeker than I meant it to.
"It doesn't matter anymore, Eve," he said quietly. "If you don't provide an heir soon, he won't be happy."
"It takes most couples decades to have a child," I pointed out.
"We haven't exactly been trying often," he sneered.
"Well, we certainly won't be trying tonight," I snapped at him. "I don't want to bring a baby into this fucked up family."
Another smack across the face. I took it without a sound. "Don't hit me."
"Don't tell me what to do," he warned, shoving me backwards. My body hit the dresser, and I winced at the impact.
His fist reared back, but I jumped out of the way before it could make contact with me. I yelled out as he snatched my arm and yanked me backwards, holding me steady as his fist hit my mouth. I let out a muffled cry, the metallic taste of blood in my mouth.
Elio shoved me to the ground. I gasped, blood flowing from my lips as I stared up at my husband, who was glaring down at me.
"From now on, when you attend family meals, you eat your food and don't speak unless you're spoken to," he gritted out. "And when you're spoken to, you answer briefly and respectfully. Understood?"
I glared up at him and spit blood out at his boots. His response was a prompt kick to my stomach. I winced, doubling over as I collapsed back onto the ground.
"You certainly are your father's son," I managed, the words coming out strained and weak.
The last thing I saw before I blacked out was his boot hitting my face.
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When I awoke, I as in my bed. He must've moved me after I blacked out. My face ached, but when I reached up to feel it, the blood was gone.
I could hear Elio in our closet, getting dressed. I climbed out of our bed, going to my vanity. I opened my bag of cosmetics.
My lip was swollen, a cut and bruise formed on it. Both my cheekbones were bruised and sensitive. My back ached from hitting the dresser so hard. I began working with my cosmetics, trying to hide the wounds.
"Don't cover them," Elio decided as he emerged from our closet. I stared at him, eyes wide. Then the realization hit me.
"You want your father to know you dealt with me," I said, my voice barely a whisper. "So he won't punish you for my behavior."
"You don't understand, Eve," he insisted, sighing deeply as he leaned down behind me, resting his chin on my shoulder, his hands on the vanity to support himself.
"Oh, he'll be very proud of you," I promised. "But what will your mother think?" He flinched at the words.
"I am sorry for hitting you," he admitted, standing up as he stared at us in the mirror. "I feel awful about it."
"Don't do it again, and I won't talk back to your father," I decided. He nodded, placing a kiss on the top of my head. "And we can try for a baby tonight." He smiled with a nod.
"That'd be wonderful, my dear."
"After your father sees me, I'm going to see Kirsten for a healing ointment, though," I sighed, studying the bruises in the mirror.
"That's fine," he said, gripping my chin in his hands and bringing my lips to meet his.
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Reading romances in the library used to be calming, but now it just made me sad. I only envied the happy couples that weren't forced together. I was jealous of the females in these books whose husbands would never lay a violent hand on them.
Breakfast had been awful. Marzia had gasped when she saw me. She'd spent all of breakfast staring at her plate, blinking back tears. I could tell Elio was ashamed of himself.
Beron hadn't said anything, but there was pride in his eyes when he greeted his son. That had made me sick to my stomach.
Eris and Callum hadn't reacted at all, their expressions always neutral masked when their father was around. Foster had been staring at me all through our meal, but he hadn't dared ask what happened to me.
"Eve?"
I turned, seeing Eden walking towards me. She had glared daggers at her brother, not eating a bite of her breakfast. There was no one else in the library. Just us.
"Eden."
"Are you okay?" she asked me, sitting by my side. I shook my head.
"No, I'm not," I admitted, tears welling up in my eyes.
I remembered what Azriel once said to me. That I was a spoiled princess, and the worst thing that happened to me was having to live in a small cabin. I wished that were still true.
"I'm sorry," she said quietly.
"I never thought he would hit me, Eden," I confessed, wiping my eyes as I rested my head on her shoulder.
"Me neither," she admitted, kissing the top of my head. "He's better than this."
"He apologized," I told her, sniffling. "He was only did it so Beron didn't punish him for the way I spoke to him."
"Still," she insisted. "Our mother's taken many beatings for us. He can't take one for his wife?"
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Though I had told Elio we could try for a baby that night, I couldn't bring myself to go back to our room.
I went to Marzia's private room, hoping she'd be there. I figured she was the only one I could really talk to.
I wasn't going to write my family about it. It would only make them worry, and I knew my father wouldn't let me come home.
When I opened the door, I found her sobbing into her hands. I carefully closed the door behind me, approaching the fragile female.
"Mar?"
She looked up at me, gasping as though I had scared her. Her face fell deeper into despair as she took in my face. It was a bit better, now. I'd gone to the healer, Kirsten, and gotten some ointments.
"I'm so sorry," she whispered, taking my hands in hers. "I thought I raised him better than this."
"It's not your fault," I assured her.
"I tried so hard," she managed, shaking her head. "So hard to raise them right. It was difficult with their father being who he is. Eris, he's a good male. But he's forced himself to keep this cruel mask on to protect himself from his father. And Callum, he was a sweet, sensitive child. But Beron beat that out of him early on. But Elio . . . I really thought he'd been raised without any influence from Beron. I thought he was different. I thought I did a good job with him."
"Marzia, you can't blame yourself," I insisted. "He only did it so Beron wouldn't punish him for my actions. He didn't mean it, and he won't do it again."
"You're too soft for this court," she observed. "Just like I was."
Chapter Text
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age: 28
I used to love going out. But that was when it was me and Eden. When Elio dragged me out to a bar, I usually spent the night watching him flirting with other females while I drank until I blacked out.
"I'm going to the restroom," I declared, getting to my feet. "Will you order for me, babe?"
"What do you want?" he asked, not even glancing up from the menu.
"Seriously?" I demanded. "We've been here hundreds of times, and you don't remember my order?"
"You can't expect me--"
"Fine!" I cut him off, a sigh of frustration leaving my lips. "Whiskey mixed with sweet vermouth and cherry garnish."
"Was that so hard?" he grumbled. "What do you want to eat?"
"I'll just get a burger," I mumbled, crossing my arms. He raised a brow at me.
"I'll get you a salad," he decided.
I scoffed, not answering. I went to the restroom, staring at myself in the mirror. I turned on the sink, splashing my face with some cold water.
I had been wary around Elio for the last year. He hadn't hit me again, but he had been meaner than usual. And he'd stopped trying to hide his affair, which hurt.
I turned to the side, staring at my waist in the mirror. He'd been making lots of small comments about my body lately. It looked fine to me. But Katina was smaller than me. He couldn't compare me to her.
I made my way back to our seat. My drink was already there, and I could've cried from relief. I began drinking it immediately.
"How many of those are you gonna drink tonight?" he murmured, the question a rhetorical way to hurt me.
"Why did you invite me out if you're just going to insult me?" I demanded. "You can do that at home for free."
"I thought maybe we could have a nice night, like old times," he snapped, slamming the menu down. I flinched.
"You're the one who started with the insults," I pointed out.
"No, you started by getting snippy just because I didn't remember your order," he snarled.
"Because you're my husband, and I remember everything you like!" I argued. "If you want to be a good father, you have to start paying attention to details."
"Lower your voice, we're in public," he chastised. I shut myself down, my face tinged red.
"Fine," I said quietly. "Can we just start tonight over again?"
"Yes, we can," he decided.
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I was mending one of Elio's shirts while I sat in my bed that night. He hadn't come home yet. I knew where he was, but I'd stopped caring.
He had thrown the shirt at me and said, "That needs mending. I'm going out."
When I'd asked him where he was going, he simply said, "Eve, I can either lie to you, or hurt your feelings. I think you know where I'm going."
I flinched as the door slammed open, poking myself with the needle. I let out a harsh breath, sucking the blood from my finger.
The stench of alcohol and perfume covered Elio. I wrinkled my nose as he closed the door and collapsed on the bed.
"You reek of that slut Katina," I informed him, placing the fabric, needle, and thread on the nightstand.
"Get over yourself, Eve," he said simply, getting on top of me. "We don't love each other. I can fuck whoever I want."
"And could I fuck whoever I want?" I challenged, raising an eyebrow
"Calm down," he said, rolling his eyes. He began unbuttoning the front of my dress, but I clutched his hand, stopping him.
"I don't want some whores leftovers," I scoffed, pushing him off of me.
"Don't be like that, Eve," he groaned, his words slurring. "Come on, we haven't tried in a few weeks."
"What if I can't get pregnant?" I demanded, my fists clenching.
"That won't be acceptable to my father," he said to me, shaking his head.
"He could send me home," I insisted, hope gleaming in my eyes. "You could marry someone else."
"He'll replace you, but he won't let you go home," he sighed. "He'd likely kill you."
The words killed any hope I ever had of going home. I threw the covers off of myself and got out of bed.
"Where are you going?" he demanded.
I didn't answer him. I went next door to Eden's room, letting myself in. She jumped, putting her book down.
Her red hair was twisted into a bun on the top of her head and she wore an elegant, maroon nightgown made of silk.
"Eve, are you okay?" she asked, her eyes filling with worry when she saw me.
I shook my head, going to the bed and crawling in. She sighed, wrapping her arms around me as I began to cry.
"I don't want to have a baby," I sobbed, hiding my face in her shoulder. "I'm not ready."
"It'll be okay," she insisted.
"What if he hits the children like he hit me?" I whispered, having been too scared to utter the words aloud yet.
"He hasn't hit you in a year," she reminded me, pulling back to glance at me. "And I don't think he'd do that."
"I know that if I have kids, I'm going to love them more than anything," I explained. "And I don't think I could handle seeing them hurt."
"He knows what it's like to be abused by a father," she pointed out. "He won't hit the kids, Eve."
"I wish my mother was here," I admitted. "She would know what to do."
I started sobbing harder at the thought of my mother. Eden sighed again, stroking my cheek.
She held my face in her hands as I cried. She leaned in and before I knew what was happening, she kissed me.
I pulled back, my eyes wide, my sobs ceasing. I stared at her, unsure of what to say or do. She looked at me like she couldn't believe what she had just done.
But then I dove back in, grabbing her pretty, pale face and kissing her passionately.
Chapter Text
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‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙
age: 29
I had a terrible feeling in my gut when Elio told me we needed to gather in the throne room. I was chewing on my lower lip as we waited for the rest of his siblings to arrive. Elio kept a hand on my lower back.
Eris and Callum entered the room, Eris holding Foster's hand and guiding him into the room. Foster was nine, now, but Eris was a mother hen with him.
Eden was standing near me, our eyes catching each others every few seconds. We'd spent the last year sneaking around.
No one had caught us, and since we were both female, we didn't have to worry about each other's scents being on the other.
Beron took his place on the throne, his wife on the smaller throne beside him. He sighed, eyes flitting over all of us.
"There is a war coming that we must prepare for," he announced. Silence settled over us as we took the words in.
"Are we sure?" Eris dared to ask, concern on his features as his arm protectively wrapped around his little brother.
"Yes, there is no avoiding it now," Beron sighed. "We will fight against Hybern."
"What are we to do?" I spoke up.
Elio pinched my side, and I winced. But I shut myself up, realizing it wasn't proper for a female to speak up during a discussion of war.
"Marzia, I'm sending you away to stay with your sisters," Beron decided. "Eris, Callum, Elio, and Eden will stay here. All of them except Eden will fight. I am sending Foster to stay with my brother. Evelina, your husband will decide what to do with you."
"What to do with me?" I repeated, ignoring Elio clearing his throat to get me to shut up.
"Yes," Beron comfirmed. "If he wants to send you away, or have you stay here."
"She'll stay here," Elio said. "I want to be able to protect her myself."
I grimaced, but didn't argue. I didn't feel comfortable being sent away. I had just adjusted to living here, I couldn't start all over again.
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Elio entered the sitting room, where I had been dusting the mantel. I smiled in greeting, turning to face him.
"Hello, my dear," I greeted. "How was your day?"
"You don't want to know," he glared, the words nearly a growl.
"Oh, I'm sorry," I frowned, approaching him. I went to wrap my arms around him, but he pushed me back.
"You're so beautiful," he praised me, stroking my cheek. "But also very foolish." The words stung, but I ignored it.
"What's wrong, darling?" I asked, my head tilting to the side as I studied his features. "What can I do?"
"Mother above, just leave me alone!" he snapped, grabbing a vase from the table and chucking it towards the wall. I jumped, my eyes going wide.
"Elio!" I pleaded. "Please, stop, just tell me what's wrong."
"It's nothing, Eve," he sighed, shaking his head. "It's nothing you did, baby. I'm just stressed with the upcoming war."
"Speaking of," I said, trying to ignore the nerves biting at my stomach. "I don't think we should be trying for a baby right now. Not with the war."
"What?" he demanded, his brows furrowing as he looked at me.
"Bringing a child into the world while you're off fighting in a war isn't a good idea," I insisted. "We need to stop trying until the war is over."
"We need to?" he repeated. "You're telling me what to do?"
"I don't want to be pregnant during a war, Elio," I snapped, desperation making the words more forceful and loud than I intended.
He struck me across the face. I couldn't stop the tears that flooded my eyes as I stumbled to the side.
"You said you'd stop hitting me," I recalled.
"You should be happy to get any attention at all with everything that's going on," he scoffed.
"I won't put up with this behavior," I informed him, crossing my arms and trying with everything I had to look confident in my words. "I mean it."
"What are you going to do about it?" he challenged, raising his voice. I did my best not to cower away from him. "There's nothing you can do, Eve."
"It's just, you said you'd stop," I said quietly. "And you lied."
He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, calming himself down again. After a few seconds, he glanced up at me.
"You're right, baby, I'm sorry," he apologized. "I'm sorry."
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Eden insisted that we needed to get away from the house. I wholeheartedly agreed. Marzia and Foster had both been sent away, so we were alone with her older brothers and father. Things hadn't been easy for us.
I laughed as we approached the serene lake she had led me to, our toes sinking into the soft mud at the water's edge as we took our shoes off. The autumn sun danced on the water's surface.
"I used to play in this pond all the time when I was a kid," she smiled. "My brothers and I would splash around for hours."
"Sounds like quite a lot of fun," I acknowledged.
She smirked knowingly at me before she launched herself into the lake. Water splashed in every direction as she hit the surface with a splash.
"You're still in your dress!" I called out.
"Join me," she pleaded, swimming up to the edge.
"Eden, I'm wearing a dress!" I rephrased, not able to keep from giggling at her antics.
"Come on, we deserve to have fun every now and then," she insisted, reaching her hand out to me.
I sighed, smiling at her. It would be fun. Fun like I hadn't had in years. I climbed in very carefully, squealing at the cold water.
She pulled me the rest of the way in, ignoring my shriek. I giggled, trying to push her head under the water. She fought her way back up to the service, spitting the water in my face.
"Gross!" I exclaimed, wiping my face.
Her sweet smile was the last thing I saw before she took my face in her hands, and leaned in, kissing me. My hands tangled with her hair as I kissed back, my tongue slipping into the mouth.
"You're so beautiful," she murmured against my lips.
Her hand slipped beneath the skirt of my dress, then beneath my underthings. I gasped as she rubbed my clit with her thumb.
"Eden," I moaned, resting my forehead on her shoulder as we both tried to stay afloat.
Two of her fingers slid inside of me, and I couldn't hold back my cry. I gasped, moaning as she fucked me with her fingers.
She chuckled lowly at my mewling as I gripped onto her desperately. Elio never brought me pleasure like this. He never cared enough to try.
Eden's thumb continued rubbing my clit, and there was a coil beginning to tighten in my stomach.
"Eden, Gods," I managed, grinding my hips. "Harder, please?"
"Of course, love," she murmured sweetly, her pace picking up, getting rougher.
I whined, throwing my head back as my grip on her tightened. Her fingers slammed in and out of me, her thumb keeping it's pace.
I fell over the edge, that coil snapping. For once, I didn't have to worry about my cries of pleasure being heard.
She fucked me through my orgasm, a cocky smile on her pretty features as I came down from my high.
"Ready to return to favor?" she challenged.
"Give me a second," I gasped, resting my head on her shoulder again. She stroked back my hair.
Chapter Text
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‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙
age: 30
Everyone was staring at me during breakfast. I wondered if it had to do with the bruise on my cheek. My hand flew to my face self consciously. Or maybe they'd found out about me and Eden.
"What is it?" I demanded impatiently. Elio cleared his throat, and I turned to him.
"You're pregnant, my dear."
My heart fell to my stomach. I glanced around at everyone else, who must've been able to sense it. I placed a hand on my stomach.
"Are you sure?" I demanded. He nodded, as did the others at the table.
"Congratulations," Eden said to me.
I didn't feel very happy about the matter. I knew I should've been relieved. Now Beron couldn't berate me anymore. But I was terrified.
I went through breakfast in silence, flinching away from Elio's touch when he tried to rub my shoulder.
When I was excused to do my chores, I locked myself in my bedroom and began writing to my brother.
Rhysie,
I've been informed that I'm pregnant. I'm absolutely terrified. In this court, I have no choice but to go through with it. I have been tormented by Beron for not getting pregnant, and now I am. He can't torment me anymore, but that doesn't make it any less scary. I'm not ready to be a mother. And I especially don't want to have a child during the war. But nobody listens to my concerns, or what I want. I'm scared for my baby. If it's a boy, he'll be trained brutally and raised to be as cruel as his father. But if it's a girl, she'll be berated for every mistake she makes and married off at seventeen, just as I was. I don't want either of those fates for my child. I miss you guys. I wish I could send this baby to live with you. Mother would know what to do. She'd raise this baby in a wonderful environment.
Love,
Eve
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I could've murdered Elio.
I thought that when he invited me out for the night, it would just be us at a nice restaurant. But of course not. He brought me to a bar out in the city.
And when we got there, Katina was waiting for us at a table.
"Eve," she greeted, getting to her feet and kissing my cheek. It took all my willpower not to smack her.
"Hello," I sighed, sending a dirty look to my husband as I sat next to her. He sat across from us with a smile.
"Should we order drinks?" Katina asked us.
"Oh, I'll just have a water," I said.
"What?" Katina laughed, shoving my shoulder. "Come on, you usually out drink all of us. You're the Plastered Princess."
"She's with child," Elio explained.
Katina's face dropped. She turned to look at me, then him. She opened her mouth to respond, then closed it.
"No, she's not," Katina insisted, a smile creeping on her face again. "You're joking."
"I'm afraid not," I mumbled. Elio shot me a look.
She blinked back tears, got to her feet and stormed off to the bathroom. I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose.
"I'll go check on her," Elio decided, standing slowly.
"Don't you dare," I snapped at him. "You are not going to leave your pregnant wife alone so you can go comfort your jealous mistress."
"Eve, she isn't jealous," he insisted. "She's upset because she's infertile."
"So, she is jealous," I scoffed.
"When we were young, before you were even born, we planned on marrying each other," he explained. "But when Father found out she was infertile, he forbid it."
I stared, biting my lower lip to keep it from trembling at the words. I'd never realized that they truly cared for each other. I thought it was just sex.
"You love her," I realized. He nodded. "I'm having your baby, a baby I don't even want to have, and you love her."
"If I had it my way, I would've married her when I was seventeen and had babies with her," he insisted. "Don't put this on me."
"You think I wanted any of this?" I snapped. "If I had it my way, I'd be home in the Night Court with my mother, my brothers, my older sister, and my cousin. I'd be married to someone else, and he wouldn't have made me have babies until I was ready."
Katina came back with red rimmed eyes. I would've felt guilty if she hadn't been so awful to me over the years.
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"You are such a dork," Eden giggled as we gushed over a new romance novel in the library.
"I am not!" I insisted, a smile spreading across my face. "I just happen to love romance."
"You mean you love smut," she corrected, rolling her amber eyes.
"That has nothing to do with it," I insisted, blushing.
"Dork," she repeated.
"Whatever," I smiled, shoving her slim shoulder.
"How's the baby?" she asked, crossing her arms. "Can I feel?"
"Yeah," I chuckled, sitting up.
She put her hand on my stomach. I was three months, now. I'd started to care for the baby in my womb. I could feel it move around, sometimes lightly kick me.
I hated how much I was falling in love. That meant it would only hurt worse when this court took it's toll on the poor child.
"When's it due?" she wondered.
"October," I answered. I was praying the times would move slowly.
"Hopefully, a Libra and not a Scorpio," Eden cringed. "Elio is a Scorpio."
"I really only believe in the parts of astrology that make me feel good about myself," I informed her.
"That's such a Capricorn thing to say," she chuckled, shaking her head. "Do you know the gender?"
"Well, not for sure," I shrugged, rubbing my belly. "I think it's a girl."
"She's going to be as beautiful as her mother," she promised me. I smiled. Nobody said those things to me anymore. It felt nice.
We scooted away from each other when we heard footsteps. Eris approached, throwing a envelope at me.
"Letter from the Night Court," he said to me.
"Thanks, Er," I said, smiling gratefully as I opened it. When I read the name, I glanced up at them. "Can I have privacy to read this?"
They both agreed and excused themselves. I stared down at the letter, blinking back tears. I'd gotten letters from everyone except for him since I had informed my family of my pregnancy.
My dearest, Evie,
I'm so sorry to hear that you're frightened and unhappy with your situation. If it's any comfort, I know you'll be the best mother any child could ask for. I noticed that in your letter to Rhys, you described your husband as cruel. I don't want to pry, but if you need me to kill him, just say the word. In all seriousness, I'm sorry you're not being treated the way you deserve. Everyday I wish I had the ability to disobey the High Lord and come retrieve you. I miss you. Just know that one day, we will find a way to bring you home. And we will all welcome you and your child with open arms. I love you.
Yours, always,
Az
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Elio was writing to his mother while I laid in our bed, knitting a blanket for our baby. I was six months, now.
To his credit, Elio was excited. He went to all of my check ups with Kirsten, our healer, and he got so excited the first time he felt it kick.
A kick in my stomach made me smile. I placed a hand where the baby was kicking. What surprised me was a simultaneous kick on the other side.
I placed my other hand there, feeling two sets of little feet kicking me.
"Elio," I whispered. He glanced at me. "Feel where my hand is."
He furrowed his eyebrows, putting the stationary down to feel my stomach.
"I've felt it kick before," he reminded me.
"Put your other hand here," I instructed. He did so. He focused, seeming confused as he felt the kicking on both sides. "I think there's two babies." His eyes went wide.
"Twins?" he asked, his voice breaking.
"Yeah," I nodded. "It would make sense. I'm a twin."
He laughed, tears in his eyes as he embraced me. And while I was excited, I couldn't help the dread that crept up my stomach. Two babies. Two babies I needed to protect from Beron. Two babies that could be hurt and manipulated and sold off and . . .
I stopped myself from the awful thoughts, and focused on the fact that I had two babies growing inside me. I sighed, feeling the kicks and letting them ground me.
Chapter Text
‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙
‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙
age: 30
With the war going on, Elio would disappear on the battlefield for a few weeks, then come home to check on me for a day or so.
Just my luck that I went into labor while he was gone, fighting in the war. All I had was Eden and Kirsten.
The two of them were both by my side as I sobbed, blood soaking the sheets. Eden placed a towel on my forehead.
"Almost there, Eve," Kirsten promised me. "You're so close."
I laid there, screaming as I clutched my stomach, as I had done for the last four hours. I rolled over, tears streaming from my eyes as I pushed as hard as I could.
"Stay still," Eden warned, flipping me onto my back again.
My body ached. I let out a yell of pain as I tensed my muscles up again, squeezing my eyes shut as I did so.
I didn't know how the time was flying so fast, yet my baby wasn't getting here any quicker. I got a horrible contraction, worse than all the others.
I shrieked, hitting the bed repeatedly with my hand. It was absolutely unbearable. Eden brushed my hair away from my sweat soaked forehead.
"I can't do this," I sobbed, glancing up at her concern face.
"It's okay, you're almost there," Eden insisted, kneeling by my side.
"No, I can't be a mother," I cried, shaking my head. "I'm not ready, I'm so scared, Eden."
"Hey, you can do this," she promised, taking my face in her hands. "You are going to be a great mother. Just one more push, Eve, I know you can do it."
There was a final release as I pushed one last time. I flopped down on the bed, utterly exhausted. I could hear my baby's cries, but I was just too weak to sit up.
"Oh, my," Kirsten smiled, picking it up. "It's a girl."
Just as she was about to hand her to me, another pain hit me. I gasped, collapsing onto the bed again.
"The other baby's coming," Kirsten announced.
I let out a sob, not wanting to do it again. Kirsten handed my baby girl to Eden and helped me deliver the next one. This one it only took me around ten minutes, and the pain was less extreme. Something I thanked the Mother for.
"A boy," she informed me as she picked him up.
I finally sat up as they both placed the children into my arms. My eyes widened as I looked down at them.
"I can't be their mother," I whispered, shaking my head.
"Eve, what are you talking about?" Eden asked me.
"Look at them," I said through my tears. "They're so perfect and pure and they deserve a better mother than me."
"They're going to love you so much," Eve promised me, pressing a comforting kiss to the top of my head.
"They're crying," I pointed out to her.
"Then comfort them," she insisted, rubbing circles on my back.
I sighed, nodding as I glanced down at the babies in my arms. Though they were red as tomatoes and covered in blood and gunk, I knew they would be beautiful.
I held my daughter's tiny hand in mine. From her small button nose to her perfect little ears, she was just so tiny. She was a little brunette angel with violet eyes like mine. My son didn't have hair yet, but he had his father's eyes.
"My sweet little children, don't cry," I cooed.
"See? You're doing great already," Eden grinned. I laughed, letting her wipe the tears from my eyes.
"Shh, shh, shh," I comforted. "You're okay, darlings. Hey, no, no, no. Please don't cry. You're going to make me start crying again."
"Can I hold one of them?" Eden asked me.
"Yes, just be careful," I cautioned, handing my son to her. She smiled, rocking the boy in her arms.
"Have you named them?" Eden wondered.
"Gideon and Diana," I said quietly. "That's what Elio and I decided if it was a boy and a girl."
"That's beautiful," Eden said with a slight smile, looking down at her niece.
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Beron was allowing Elio to come home for a few days once news of our babies being born reached them.
I had gotten dressed up for the first time in a while, curling my hair and letting Eden smear cosmetics onto my face.
I smiled as I watched little Diana in her crib. She was laying on her tummy, gurgling. Gideon had already fallen asleep.
As Diana squirmed around, she somehow rolled onto her back. Her little face scrunched up and she started screaming.
I chuckled, placing my hands into the crib to flip her over onto her stomach again. She stopped crying and cooed, closing her eyes. I smiled, placing a hand on her back.
I grinned as my husband entered the room, rushing over to him and jumping into his arms. He hugged me, pressing a kiss to the top of my head.
"Where are they?" he asked me.
"In their cribs," I said, tears in my eyes.
Eris had painted their nursery during a week he had been home. It was canary yellow. Callum had built two brown cribs.
He beamed, tears flooding his eyes as he saw them both asleep in their cribs. He sat down on the rocking chair, and I handed him his son.
"This is Gideon" I introduced him.
"Beautiful name for a beautiful baby," he smiled, kissing Gideon's forehead.
He rocked Gideon in his arms, smiling down at the boy. I knelt by his side, wiping a tear from his eye.
"Shall we switch?" he offered. "I'd like to meet my daughter."
I nodded, going to Diana's crib and picking her up. She shrieked, wailing and struggling in my arms. I gave Diana to him as he gave Gideon back to me.
"Diana is very fussy," I explained, putting Gideon back in his crib.
"She looks like you," he observed, stroking back our daughter's raven hair.
"She cries as much as me, too," I joked. He chuckled, glancing up at me. "I missed you."
While we had our fights before, the pregnancy had brought us closer together. He hadn't hit me at all since he found out I was pregnant. Granted, he had been gone for a lot of the pregnancy, but it still meant a lot that he was trying.
‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙
age: 31
The first three months of their lives were hard, but nothing compared to when Diana got sick during her fourth month of life.
Elio, Callum, and Eris were all home for a month, yet I had been the only one taking care of my babies.
Elio had been very helpful for the first week, then he'd gone back to the battlefield. When he came back, he wasn't as helpful as he had been before.
I stood in the doorway of the nursery, rocking a screaming Diana. I couldn't leave Gideon alone, but I couldn't have him near his sister, either. So I stood in the doorway, keeping an eye on him in his crib as I tended to my sick daughter.
"You look like shit," Eris informed me as he passed by.
"Do you have any idea how hard it is so take care of two children when they cant even be in the same room together?" I snapped, tears welling in my eyes. "It's fucking impossible. And he's always off because of this godsdamn war. But when he is home, he doesn't help. Marzia is gone, Eden is visiting her. I can't do this. I knew I wasn't ready to be a mother—"
"Okay, stop complaining," Eris stopped me. "I'll take care of Gideon. You focus on Diana."
I froze, glancing up at him.
"Really?" I asked, my voice breaking.
"If it'll stop your tantrum, yes," he said.
"You don't have to say something mean everytime you do a good deed, you know," I informed him.
He rolled his eyes, passing by me and going into the nursery. He picked up Gideon and began to leave.
"Where are you taking him?" I demanded.
"I have responsibilities. Paperwork to fill out," he explained. "I'll bring him into my office with me. Sit him on my lap."
"He can't sit up yet," I argued.
"He can if he's sitting in my lap," he insisted. "Don't worry about it. You seem to forget I have four younger siblings. I helped take care of all of them as infants." I sighed.
"Fine, just be careful with him."
‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾
I rocked Diana in my arms as she screamed that night, her little face scrunched up and red. I had tried nearly everything to calm her down.
Elio entered our room, smelling of Katina, and threw himself onto the bed.
"Really?" I snapped. "I've been home with our children all day, and you were fucking Katina?"
"Maybe if you put effort into your appearance, I wouldn't have to," he grumbled.
My cheeks stained red at the words. I hadn't had time to bathe in two days, my hair was a tangled mess, I hadn't been able to put any cosmetics on my face. If that wasn't enough, I hadn't lost all of the baby weight yet, something Elio was sure to remind me of often.
"I've been busy with her," I explained. "She hasn't stopped crying in days."
"Take her to her nursery or shut her up," Elio demanded from our bed.
"She's sick, she can't be near Gideon right now," I explained.
"Then bring Gideon here with me, and take her away," he instructed.
"He's already asleep, he'll wake if I try to move him," I told him. "And it takes forever for him to go back to sleep."
"Gods, you have excuses for everything," he mumbled.
"Hush, Diana, please," I cooed, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "Elio, could you try to calm her?"
"Me?" he demanded.
"She likes you best," I pointed out. "Gideon prefers me, Diana prefers you. It's always been that way."
"Eve, I wouldn't know how to calm her," he insisted.
"I don't know how to calm her either," I said desperately. Her sobs grew louder, messier.
"If you don't get her the fuck out of here in the next ten seconds, I swear, Eve--"
"Fine, I'm sorry," I mumbled.
I left the room, closing the door behind me. I burst into tears, crying along with my daughter. I wiped the tears with my free hand and kept rocking my little girl.
"Please, Di," I sobbed as I tried to find an empty room to go to. "Please be quiet."
She didn't let up. I'd already brought her to Kirsten three times in the past two days. She had all the medications she needed.
"Baby, please. Please," I begged, sniffling.
I stepped into an empty guest room, closing the door behind me and sitting on the bed with Diana. I held her to me and cooed at her.
‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙
It had been over a year since he hit me. I knew it wouldn't last. But part of me had hoped.
He had hit me this morning, simply because I had asked him if he would go to the nursery to check on our babies. I knew he was under a lot of stress, but I had thought he was changing.
When Eden came home from visiting her mother, she insisted she could take care of the twins. She told me to take some time for myself.
I went to the library, getting myself some stationary.
High Lord,
For a long time, it hurt me deeply that you never bothered to write to me. After what you did to me, it felt like the least you could do to write, or at least see how I was adjusting.
Even after you tore me from the arms of my mother, I gave you a heartfelt goodbye. Because you were my father, and I loved you. I thought I understood your decision.
But now I have children of my own. And I would not do to them what you did to me for anything in the world.
I think I truly despise you sometimes. You made a cowardly decision. You've sold me to a male who's turned out to be just as awful as his cruel father.
I hope you know that I think of you every time he hits me. I hope you know that you no longer have a daughter. I no longer consider you my father. Don't write back. I never wish to hear from or speak to you again.
I didn't sign my name. He'd know who it was from. When I sent the letter, it was true I didn't want him to write back.
But a small part of me wished he would let me come home. That he would be horrified of the abuse I was facing and tell me how sorry he was.
But that wasn't realistic. The war had just began. His Court came before me. I had known since the day he married me off.
Chapter Text
tw: sort of a dubcon situation at the end.
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age: 31
Having twins was exhausting. Truly exhausting. I hadn't slept in two days straight. Now, I had finally gotten almost four hours of sleep.
Until I was abruptly woken.
I grumbled, my eyes fluttering open to someone shoving my shoulder to wake me. I turned my head to meet the eyes of my still half asleep husband.
"The babies are crying," he mumbled.
"If they woke you first, why didn't you take care of it?" I grumbled, trying to get comfortable again.
"I have training early tomorrow," he snapped at me. "Then, I'm gone for two weeks. There's a war going on, if you forgot."
"I didn't forget," I insisted. "But I haven't slept in two days."
"You just slept for four hours," he pointed out.
I realized that while we argued, our children's cries had grown louder. There was no use arguing with him, so I got out of bed and went to the nursery.
I hated when both of them cried. It was nearly impossible to calm them. I sighed, picking Diana up with one arm, then Gideon in the other.
"Good morning, loves," I muttered, not feeling particularly affectionate.
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I'd had less time to meet with Eden lately, our rendezvous becoming brief and rare since I'd had kids.
But I appreciated every single one of them. It was nice to feel loved and to be with someone who cared about your pleasure.
I put my hand over my mouth to not make too much noise as Eden ate me out from under my covers.
"Eden," I whispered, my eyes closing as I climaxed.
I gasped, my hips bucking as she sucked the bundle of nerves. I came down with a sigh. She glanced up at me, grinning.
"Good?" she questioned.
"Very good," I mumbled, sitting up. She crawled up to the top of the bed and rested her head on my shoulder.
"Elio doesn't make you happy," she observed. I scoffed, the words being more than true. "You should leave him. Be with me, instead."
"You know I would love to," I sighed, shaking my head. "But you also know we cant do that."
"I hate being a secret," she grumbled.
"You're not just a secret," I said. "You're my secret."
"I don't want to be your secret," she admitted. "I just want to be yours." Mine. I liked how that sounded. "What I truly want is to leave here forever."
"Why don't you?" I wondered.
"My father wouldn't allow it," she explained, shrugging. "And I could never leave my mother behind."
I understood that. Marzia was too good for this court. Despite how horrible the war was, I was grateful that it gave her time away from this house that had become more of a prison for her. A prison for us both. Possibly a prison for my children one day, as well.
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My fingers had been rubbed raw from the washboard I was using to do the laundry. I was knelt over it in the backyard, washing the clothes that belonged to me, my husband, and my children.
Gideon was sitting up, playing with a stuffed fox that I had given to him and his sister.
Diana was laying on her belly, holding herself up with her little arms. Their father couldn't be bothered to take care of them while I did the housework. I wasn't sure he'd even changed a nappy yet.
Gideon got to his feet and waddled over to me, tapping my shoulder. I sighed, putting down the clothes I was washing and wiping the sweat from my forehead. I turned to my son and placed a smile on my face.
"Mama," he babbled, handing me the fox.
"Thank you, baby," I sighed, taking it from him. I placed a kiss to his cheek and he babbled, grabbing at my hair. "I have to keep working. Go give this to your sister."
I handed the fox back to him, and he stumbled on over to Diana, who had rolled over on her back and was now trying to sit up. I groaned, rushing over to her and helping her up.
Diana started to cry, so I picked her up and cradled her to my chest, shushing her as I rocked her in my arms. Gideon sat himself by our side and rested his head on me. I wrapped my free arm around him.
Gideon didn't cry often. Diana was the fusser of the twins. Gideon was a quiet and sweet child. Though Diana kept me up most nights while Gideon slept soundly, I loved her just as much as Gideon.
Rhys and I had been similar, my mother had told me. I fussed all the time, while Rhys kept quiet. My mother never chose a favorite between us. And I could never even consider choosing one either.
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age: 32
The children had finally gone to sleep. I'd had to sit in the nursery for hours now. Elio never helped with this sort of thing.
I yawned as I went back to my room. I felt arms wrapping around me from behind, then a pair of lips on my neck.
I tilted my head back to give Elio access as his hands groped my breasts. I moaned, letting him palm my breasts as he kissed my neck.
He suddenly grabbed me and tossed me towards the bed, before climbing on top of me and unbuttoning the front of my dress.
"Elio," I managed. He looked at me, though his fingers didn't stop their movement. "Elio, please, can you be gentle tonight?"
"You know I don't get off as much being gentle," he reminded me.
"I know, but I don't feel well," I insisted.
"Okay, I'll be gentle if you go down on me," he decided. I groaned.
"I've told you a thousand times, I don't like doing that," I reminded him. "It makes me uncomfortable."
"It's always something with you," he said to me. "Always an excuse."
"I want to feel loved again," I admitted quietly. "When you slap me around and take your anger out of me, I don't feel loved."
"I care for you," he explained. "I provide for you. You're never satisfied. You always have something to complain about. I miss when you were loving and sweet."
"I'm still loving and sweet."
"Really?" he snapped. "Then why are you always bitching about something? Why do I have to go to other women to feel loved?"
"Then go fuck see one of them tonight," I sneered.
He backhanded me, which I did see coming and had prepared myself for, though my jaw ached from it.
"You didn't treat me like this when we were first married," I whispered.
"You were seventeen, I was 35," he recalled. "You were a child. Now we're both adults, and I can treat you like one."
"If I was a child, why would you agree to marry me?" I questioned.
"I didn't have a choice," he sneered. "You think I wanted you?"
"What is it with you and your sick need to give love, then take it away?" I demanded.
"Are you asking to get hit again?" he challenged. I shut myself up at that.
He finished unbuttoning my dress and helped me take it off. He began taking his own clothes off as I shed my underthings.
"Please just try to be gentle," I repeated. He didn't respond.
He just flipped me around and grabbed my hips, pulling them into the air. His hand forced my head down onto the pillows as he lined himself up with my entrance.
He started slow and I thought that maybe he would listen to me. Though he was forcing my face onto the pillows, and I could barely breathe.
I whimpered as he started going faster, harder. I took a breath of relief as he took a chunk of my hair in his hand and forced my face up.
My back was forcefully arched from how hard he was yanking on my hair as he fucked into me brutally.
His hands wrapped around my throat, squeezing tightly. He flipped me around once again so I was on my back.
I tried to pry his hands away with my own, which only made him let go of my neck to smack my face.
"Please," I managed, my voice hoarse.
His hands wrapped around my neck again until I couldn't breathe, let alone talk. He slid into me again, continuing the brutal pace he had set.
I could feel my face turning purple. I was gasping, coughing, sputtering, trying to pry his hands away from my throat, but he ignored me. I wondered if he would even stop fucking me if I passed out.
I squeezed my eyes shut, waiting until it was over. I tried to distract myself, thinking of anything other than what was happening to me.
Chapter 27
Notes:
tw: bodyshaming, and specific weight is mentioned. I personally don't think this weight is a bad weight to be at, in fact I've always felt and looked my best at this weight, but the autumn court definitely has backwards views on women's bodies.
Chapter Text
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age: 32
I spent weeks negotiating with Beron, trying to find terms in which I could see my family. I wanted them to meet my babies. Though, they were almost three now, and always up to trouble.
Finally, we came to an agreement. I could see my mother and Rhys. But I would meet them in a cabin in the woods that the Vanserra's owned, miles away from the Forest House. They couldn't risk Rhys killing them for what happened with Morrigan.
I would bring the children there, and Marzia would winnow them in, since they would never attack her. And I was allowed to stay with them for an entire weekend.
I was ecstatic, getting the children ready, getting myself ready. Elio seemed happy for me, too. He hadn't hit me in a few weeks, so I didn't have to hide any wounds.
I had already decided I wasn't going to tell my family about it. My father knew, and he didn't care enough to send me home. So there was no use in telling them. It would only make them worry, since there was nothing they could do about it.
"Mommy, stop, I can do it myself!" Diana snapped, snatching her hairbrush from my hands.
"Okay, love, no need to be rude," I scolded.
She rolled her violet eyes, a habit she'd picked up from Eden, and began brushing her own hair. I sighed, making my way to Gideon, who was struggling to get out of his pajamas.
"Do you need help, sweetface?" I teased my son.
He huffed, but let me help him change into the outfit I'd picked out for him. I leaned down, kissing his nose. He whined, pushing me away. I only chuckled, helping him off of his bed.
"Why can't Daddy come?" Diana demanded.
"Because it's my family, not his," I replied, trying not to let any bitterness show in my voice.
I didn't want their father there. This weekend was an escape from him. But I didn't ever want them to know how he truly was. I wanted to protect them from the truth.
"Why haven't we met your family before?" Gideon wondered.
"Because they live in the Night Court," I answered. "And they're always so busy there."
"Why are they busy?" Gideon asked.
"You know how Grandfather and Grandmother are High Lord and Lady of this Court, and they're always busy?" I asked him. He nodded. "Well, my parents are High Lord and Lady of the Night Court. So they can't always come see me."
"Why don't you see them?" Diana questioned, handing Gideon her hairbrush so he could brush his hair.
"Because I'm busy, too," I lied. "Now, let's get breakfast before we leave."
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We arrived at the cabin before my family got there. I sat on the couch, biting my lip to calm my nerves as the twins played tag around the house.
I hadn't seen them in fifteen years. My nerves were eating at my stomach. What if they were disappointed in me? What if they hated how settled I was in my new life?
I was settled. Not in my marriage, but with my children. While I still resented Elio for forcing me into motherhood before I was ready, I did truly love them.
Lately, Elio didn't hit often. But when he did, it was usually more than a smack across the face. Lately, it had turned into beatings.
As painful as it was, I went to my children's room after and held them, using a stupid excuse of just wanting to cuddle. But truly, I wasn't sure I would be able to survive the beatings without holding them after. They were saving me.
A creaking of the door sent me out of my thoughts and to my feet. I rushed to the entrance, tears welling in my eyes as they stepped in.
My mother was just as beautiful as the last time I'd seen her. Her dark hair and violet eyes, so identical to mine.
I couldn't bring myself to speak. I just ran to her, rushing into her arms, sobbing violently as she held me. She was crying too, whispering how much she missed me as she held me tight.
"I can't believe you're here," I managed, my shoulders shaking with sobs.
"I can't believe I'm holding you," she replied, pulling back and holding my face in her hands. "Oh, you've grown so much. You're so beautiful, Evelina."
A clearing throat reminded me that we weren't alone. I turned, a smile spreading across my face as I noticed my twin for the first time.
He had grown, his features maturing. His wings had new scars that I could only assume were from the war.
I let him engulf me in a hug, not caring that I could barely breathe with how tight he was squeezing me.
"I've missed you," he murmured.
"Me too," I whispered, pulling back and smiling at him again. He chuckled, wiping the tears from my eyes. I turned to the living room. "Diana, Gideon. Come on!"
My twins stopped running around at my beckoning, and came rushing to the doorway. Diana stood in front of me, though Gideon hid behind my legs.
"This is your Grandma and your Uncle Rhys," I introduced. "And this is Gideon and Diana."
"Hello," Rhys smiled, leaning down to their level. Gideon hid his face in my leg, but Diana shook Rhys's hand. I chuckled at the formality.
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We spent the day catching up, my family getting to know the kids. I was careful to only mention good things about my husband. Luckily, we were very careful to appear happy in front of the twins, so they didn't go spilling anything, either.
There were two bedrooms in this cabin. The twins shared one, Mother and I shared the other, and Rhys took the couch.
That night, everyone had gone to bed except Rhys and I, who were sitting on the couch spending some time alone to catch up.
"I haven't seen Az or Cass in a year," he was ranting. "I only see them on the battlefield. Sometimes, I'm not even sure if they're alive."
"You'd know if the died," I promised. "You'd be able to sense it."
"I can't stand Father," he scoffed. "First, what he did to you. Now separating us. There's a special place in Hell for him."
"That there is," I agreed with a nod. He sighed, turning to look at me.
"You described Elio as cruel in one of your letters," he recalled. I cursed my past self for that stupid slip up. "Do I need to kill him?"
"No," I declined, shaking my head. "I was upset because I was pregnant, and I didn't want to be. And he was forcing me to go through with it. Now, I wouldn't give up those babies for the world."
"He hasn't hurt you?" Rhys asked cautiously.
"No," I lied, quite convincingly. "And he loves the kids. Really, he does."
"They're precious," Rhys grinned. I chuckled, nodding my agreement.
After a few more hours of talking, I went up to the room I was sharing with my mother. I hoped she was asleep. I couldn't handle anymore lying when all I wanted was to scream the truth.
I changed in my nightclothes and crawled into the bed. She turned on her side to face me, and I scooted closer to her.
"Are you happy, mi amor?" she asked me. I stared at her, unsure of how to answer.
I wanted to break down and cry. I wanted her to hold me while I told her every awful thing that my husband had done to me. I wanted her to comfort me and tell me she'd never let him hurt me again.
But I couldn't.
"I am," I lied. "I love these kids. And I love Elio."
"You love him?" she questioned. I nodded. "Because you have to? Or because you want to?" I sighed.
"Is loving someone because you have to the worst fate in the world?" I challenged. "You love Father because of a mating bond."
"And look what he did to my baby," she replied, tears shining in her eyes. "I'll never forgive him."
"I know," I admitted. "I won't, either."
"Besides Rhys and me, Azriel has taken your absence the hardest," she confessed to me, wiping her eyes. I quirked a brow.
"I miss him too," I shrugged.
I didn't usually let myself think of Azriel. When I did, I only thought of he life we could've had by now had my father not married me off.
We could be married. I wouldn't be a mother, yet. Though, I would want to carry his children in the far away future. We would be having adventures together, and loving each other.
"He loves you," she told me, tucking my hair behind my ear.
"You all love me," I rolled my eyes.
"No, he loves you in a much different way," she hinted. "I think you love him, too."
"How long have you known?" I wondered.
"Since the moment you two laid eyes on each other," she admitted. "It took him months to trust me and the boys, but within a minute of meeting you, he would follow you anywhere."
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The weekend was over far too quickly. We'd said teary goodbyes and promised to do it again soon, though we all knew that was unlikely.
It was the day after I'd gotten home, and Elio was back for a bit before he had to be back on the battlefield.
I'd tucked the kids in, and come back to him pawing at me and trying to get my dress off.
I'd grown to hate having sex with my husband.
The first few years, it had been great. I used to get so much pleasure from it. But after a while, he stopped caring if I came.
Now, it was like I was just a toy for him to get himself off with. He fucked me, came, then went to sleep without a care in the world.
He groaned after he finished, rolling off of me. I stared at the ceiling, feeling used and disrespected. But I could never bring up those feelings to him.
"Babe, you need to lose that baby weight," he mumbled from beside me.
"I'm trying," I whispered. I only had an extra ten pounds on me now. I'd lost most of it.
"Really? Because you had dessert at dinner tonight," he reminded me. "You weigh, what, 140 pounds, now?"
"I've lost 40 pounds since the pregnancy," I snapped at him. "Why can't you just be proud of me for that?"
"Because it's been two years," he said. "Maybe I'd fuck you more often if you just lost another 40 pounds."
"Another 40?" I demanded. "I don't think I've weighed 100 pounds since I was 12."
"That's what Katina weighs," he shrugged.
"Katina has never had children, let alone twins," I cut him off, sneering the words. "And she isn't half Illyrian. We're built for the freezing cold, so we carry a bit of extra weight. I'm also a lot taller than her."
"Yes, you're strangely tall for a female," he pointed out.
"I'm only 5'11," I scoffed. "And as I said, I'm Illyrian. We're taller than High Fae."
"Wanna go another round?" he asked, as though nothing he had just said meant anything.
"Not after that," I scoffed as he began to get on top of me.
"Come on, everyone knows you're a whore, no need to pretend you don't want it," he goaded.
I pushed him off of me, disgust filling my chest at the words.
"You're an asshole," I sneered, pulling my nightdress on.
"Where are you going?" he demanded, a groan of frustration leaving his lips.
"Anywhere but here," I replied, knowing full well I would end up in Eden's room.
Chapter Text
age: 33
Eden and I were sitting in the library on a couch together. She shifred closer to me to show me the book she was reading.
She was suddenly too close. Her arm wrapped around me and I tensed. Someone could’ve easily walked in.
I turned to look at her, but she was giving me a cheeky smile, as if she was daring me to do this. I sighed, glancing around before kissing her very quickly. She grabbed my face before I could pull away and began to climb on top of me.
She pushed me onto my back and then continued to kiss me as though she were dying and I was her last breath of air.
There were footsteps on the other side of the door, and we immediately pulled apart and sitting up. I cleared my throat, both of us smoothing down our dresses and fixing our hair.
Eris entered, an enevelope in his hand. Eden smiled at him innocently.
"You have a letter," Eris informed me, handing the envelope to me.
"Thanks, Er," I said, opening it up.
Eris and Eden began conversing, Eden teasing him about something as I began to read the letter.
My dear Starling,
I'm delighted to tell you that I'm pregnant. I am having a baby, due in November. Your father has agreed to allow Rhys and I to visit you when the babe in born. Despite my hatred for your father, we did agree to have another child together a few years ago. I need this, Eve. So desperately. I'm so lonely and miserable these days. Another child is what I need. I miss you so much. I hope to see you again soon, mi amor.
Love,
your mother
I stared at the letter for a few minutes, rereading it over and over again. My father had convinced her of this. I knew he had. A few years ago. When I wrote him that letter, telling him he no longer had a daughter. He was replacing me.
"Are you okay, Eve?" Eden asked from beside me, pulling me from my thoughts. I turned to her.
"I'm fine," I lied, getting to my feet. "I'm going to wake the twins from their nap."
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I didn't talk to anybody about that letter. Though the contents of it hurt me deeply. I knew that wasn't fair. My mother deserved happiness. I hated to hear she was lonely and miserable.
Elio and I were making our way to the throne room, where we were meeting Eris. He was watching the twins for us. We both needed a break.
They all went back to the battlefield in a week, and I was dreading being alone. I would have Eden, but even the two of us weren't enough to keep up with the toddlers.
I tried to not groan when I stepped into the throne room to be greeted by Willem. Elio did not hide his disdain for the male. He let out a sigh of exasperation.
"Elio, Evelina," he greeted, stepping over to us. "So good to see you."
He pulled me to him, squeezing me tight, his hand creeping down to squeeze my backside. I yanked away from him.
"Do not touch her," Elio snarled at him.
"Elio, no need to get violent," he joked. "I'm just being friendly."
"Well, I don't appreciate you touching her like that," he sneered. "And she doesn't either."
He smiled, realizing he'd gotten under Elio's skin. I wondered if Elio would've cared if it was any other male touching me like that. Willen turned to Beron.
"Where is the Lady and Princess of the Autumn Court?"
"Marzia is staying with her sisters until the war is over," Beron answered. "Eden will be here soon. She is picking up Foster from his lessons."
"Good," he answered with a smirk. "I like redheaded females. I've heard of the fire in their blood." Elio snarled, stepping forward.
"I swear to the Cauldron, if you say a word to her, I will--"
"Elio," Beron scolded. "That's no way to speak to our guest."
The door opened, and Eden came in with Foster, who was fourteen now. Her face fell when she saw Willem, who smirked at her.
"You've grown up," Willem said to the girl, looking her up and down.
"Willem, if you want to keep your limbs, you won't look at my sister that way agan," Eris warned as he entered the room, my children trailing behind him.
"Oh, thank you for looking after them," I sighed to Eris as the twins ran to us.
Gideon rushed over to me, and I picked him up. Diana went to her father, who lifted her into his arms as well.
"I heard you two had twins," Willem beamed. "Congratulations."
"Thank you," I said tensely. But Elio just glared at him, stroking Diana's hair.
Elio was quick to leave the throne room, not wanting our children around the male. I followed behind him.
"Did you guys have fun with Uncle Eris?" I asked them.
"Yeah, we got to play with the doggies," Diana replied from her father's arms.
I smiled. Those hounds were terrifying until they learned to trust you. And they trusted the children.
"You certainly got your dress dirty," Elio fussed. Both of their clothes were covered in mud. I just shrugged.
"I'll take extra care with them when I do the laundry this week," I told them.
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The sight of Katina was the last thing I wanted to see when I entered the sitting room that morning. She was sitting with my husband, the two of them laughing over a book.
"What's this?" I demanded, holding a half asleep Diana with one arm, Gideon trailing along while holding my hand.
"Oh, I just wanted to visit with an old friend," he said to me, though there was a bit of guilt in his eyes.
"You didn't tell her I would be here?" Katina asked with a giggle, shoving his shoulder. "What a terrible husband you are."
"We're just reading an old novel," he explained, getting to his feet.
"Not just any old novel," she smiled. "It's his absolute favorite."
"I didn't know you liked to read, Elio," I said, narrowing my eyes.
"What?" she asked with a grin. "He loves to read. He has since we were kids. How could you not know that? You're married to him."
"Katina, please leave," I instructed. She snorted, rolling her eyes.
"Gods, you're no fun," she sighed. "His exes were much more interesting."
"Get out!" I snapped.
Diana started to cry in my arms, and Elio gave me a disapproving glance. He came to my side and took her from me. She buried her face in her father's shoulder as he shushed and comforted her.
"Don't yell in front of them," he scolded, stroking Diana's hair as Katina left. "What kind of mother are you?"
"I don't like it when you parade her around the house," I defended myself.
"Just because I married beneath me doesn't mean I don't have the right to be happy," he snarled.
"Please don't speak to me like that," I said, picking Gideon up. "Not in front of the children, Elio."
He scoffed, taking an envelope from the coffee table and handing it to me.
"You got a letter," he said, setting a still crying Diana on the ground. "I have work to do."
I sat on the couch as he left, Gideon comforting his sister while I opened the envelope.
Starling,
I gave birth to a beautiful, healthy baby girl. Her name in Angelica. She looks so much like you. But she will never replace you, sweet girl. I noticed you never wrote back. Please, don't be angry. I am not trying to replace you. No one could. I still miss you every single day. I've never stopped grieving the loss of you. I love you so much. Rhys and I will visit as soon as we can. Please write back, Starling. I miss hearing from you. I hope you and the twins are well.
Love,
your mother
Tears welled in my eyes as I reread the letter. I knew she would never replace me. It was my father that would. And she didn't deny that.
The twins stopped the argument that had sprouted between them when they noticed I was crying.
"Mama?" Gideon spoke up, coming to my side. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," I lied, wiping my eyes. "I'm sorry, baby."
"Don't cry," Diana pouted, wiping her own eyes.
She climbed onto my lap as Gideon sat beside me. I held them both, feeling better with them by my side.
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age: 35
Something felt different today. I could feel something tight in my chest as I woke up. I kept my eyes closed, feeling around to find I was alone in my bed.
Something tickled my nose. I scrunched my face, rubbing my nose. The thing wrapped around my wrist, making my eyes shoot open.
A familiar shadow. Wynn. I sat up, gasping.
"Wynnie, what are you doing here?" I whispered. She nestled against my chest. I chuckled. "Is he here?"
She perked up, wrapping around my wrist again and yanking me out of bed. I gasped.
"Wait, Wynn, I need to get dressed," I giggled.
She seemed irritated and impatient, but she let me go to my closet and slip into an appropriate dress.
She led me through the hallways, but it felt as though there was also a string in my chest, leading me along. And once I began going in the direction it was leading me, I could feel the string getting tighter and tighter.
It led me to the gardens of the Forest House. I rushed through the rows of red leaved trees until I was at the wall.
As I got to the other side of the wall, something wrapped around my wrist and yanked me. I went to cry out as it pulled me behind a tree, but there was a hand over my mouth.
"Don't scream, it's just me."
The voice made my panic disappear completely. I spun around, finding myself face to face with Azriel.
I gasped, jumping into his arms. We held each other, as if trying to see if the other was real. He was stroking my hair back and squeezing me so tight.
"What are you doing here?"
"Spying," he said, pulling away. "I'm your father's personal Spymaster."
His shadows began dotting on me, swirling around me, nestling against my skin, stroking my cheek. Just like they had done when we were children. Charlie, Wynn, Blake, River, Ash, even Jamie.
"Azriel, this is so reckless," I scolded. "You're risking a lot just to speak to me."
"I know, but I had to see you," he insisted, desperation in his beautiful eyes.
"How is everyone?" I asked when the shadows calmed their excitement.
"Your father separated us a few years ago," he admitted. "I only see Rhys and Cass on the battle field now. But Morrigan is fine. She blames herself for you being here. Your mother and father are doing well. We all miss you."
"I miss you guys, too," I said with a smile. "I'm a mother, now."
"I know," he nodded. "Rhys showed the twins to me, mind to mind. They look so much like you."
"I wish I could raise them back home," I sighed. "This is no place for children."
"Rhys told me that you're happy," he recalled. I shrugged.
"I'm not unhappy," I lied, not meeting his eyes. "I'm happy with my children. I'm close with Marzia and Eden. Elio treats me well."
"One day, you'll come home," he promised. "Gods, you've grown so much."
"So have you," I informed him with a smirk.
I lifted a hand, stroking his cheek. He wrapped his arms around me again, holding me. I savored the feeling.
"Have you met my baby sister?" I asked him. He seemed to relax, and a smile spread across his face.
"Yes," he replied. "Though she's growing fast. She's two now. And she's precious."
"I want to meet her," I pouted.
"Your mother has been pleading with your father to let her visit," he said. "She's wearing him down. You'll meet Angelica soon enough."
I smiled, getting on my tiptoes and kissing Azriel's beautiful lips. He laced his hands through my hair, kissing back.
I lifted my legs, wrapping around him as he lifted me up and pinned me against the garden wall. I moaned into his mouth as he kissed me harder.
I didn't ever want to stop kissing him. It just felt so right. So different than when I kissed Elio. I knew it couldn't go any farther than this. They would scent him on me if it did.
"I want you, Az," I said against his lips.
"We can't, Eve," he reminded me.
"I know," I agreed. "I know, but I miss you."
"I know."
Chapter Text
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age: 38
I had insisted that Solstice just be the four of us this year. The war had just ended, and I didn't want to celebrate with his entire family.
Elio agreed, and so we went on a little trip to the cabin in the woods where I had visited my mother and Rhys.
Elio knew that the Winter Solstice wasn't an easy time for me. It was the time of year that I missed my family more than anything. We sent each other gifts and letters, but it didn't compare to being with them.
Elio had his arm around me that evening as we sat on the couch and watched the children open their presents.
I thought about Rhys and me when we were their age on Solstice. It was our last Solstice before we moved to Windhaven.
We had fought about who got the better gifts, and Father had to leave the room so he didn't lose his temper at us. Mother had just laughed and told us to play with our new toys without fighting.
Diana gasped, thanking us as she opened her new doll. I had seen it in a window shop out in town, and knew she would love it.
I bought all of their gifts, including the ones that were labeled from their father. I got him a new set of arrows for the hunts he went on.
"Thank you, Eve," he smiled as he placed the box to the side. He pulled me closer to his side, his lips brushing my ear. "You'll get your present tonight. I'm giving you the best sex of your life."
I didn't let the disappointment show on my face. I faked a smile and pulled away from him. I had gone out of my way for him. I had bought his gifts for all his brothers, his sister, even his mother and taken no credit for it. And that was the best he could do for me?
A shriek from my daughter pulled me out of my self pity. I looked down to see Gideon slamming her doll against the floor.
"Gideon!" I snapped, getting to my feet and rushing over to them.
Elio was right behind me. I took the doll from Gideon's grip, checking for damage before handing it back to a sobbing Diana.
Elio grabbed Gideon by the wrist, yanking the boy to his feet. He raised his hand to our son, and I immediately cried out, grabbing Gideon's shoulders and pushing him behind me.
"Don't touch him!" I snapped at Elio. "What he did was wrong, but do not hurt him."
"You're gonna tell me how to parent my kids?" he demanded.
"They're more mine than they are yours," I glared. "I'm the one that's raised them. I'm the one that takes care of them."
His open palm hitting my cheek was something I was used to. I barely registered the pain anymore. But doing it in front of the kids was something he rarely did.
I carefully pushed Gideon away from me, towards his sister. If it weren't for my faebane wedding ring, I would've gotten in their heads and told them to leave the room. If it weren't for the faebane wedding ring, I would've crushed my husband's mind for raising a hand to our son.
"You three wouldn't last a day without me," he sneered. "I'm the one providing for this family. I'm the one—"
"I don't want to fight, Elio," I insisted. "Please, I just didn't want you to hurt our son."
His fist made contact with my eye, and I cried out, my hands flying to my face. I could hear both children crying, and I did my best to tune it out.
His hand wrapped around my hair, pulling me close to him just so he could wrap his other hand around my neck. I tried to breathe, but his other hand joined, closing my airways.
"Daddy, stop!" Diana cried out through her tears.
Elio didn't seem to hear. He only shoved me to the ground and I desperately gasped at the air. He didn't even register my tears and pleadings as he began to kick me in the stomach over and over again.
"Stop it!" Gideon yelled.
Elio's movement halted. I dared to glance up, seeing Gideon holding Elio's arm desperately, tears streaming down his face.
Elio's face fell as he met his son's eyes.
Elio dropped to his knees and pulled me up so I was sitting. Tears formed in his eyes as he took in my tear stained face. He wiped my eyes and held me to him.
"I'm sorry, Eve, I'm so sorry," he cried.
I tensed, not sure what to make of this. He had apologized for hitting me before, but he'd never once seemed to feel this much guilt.
He pulled away and turned to our son, taking his hands. "Gideon, I'm sorry. I would never want to hurt you."
"Why do you hurt Mama?" Gideon sobbed. Elio shook his head, wiping tears from his eyes.
"I'm sorry," he repeated in a hushed whisper.
I managed to get to my feet, wincing at the pain. Diana rushed to my side and hid behind my legs. I sighed, leaning down and picking her up, groaning softly at the soreness in my stomach.
"Come on, loves," I said quietly. "Let's go to bed."
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I knelt by the twin's bedside. Elio wouldn't allow me to stay with them for the night, though I desperately wanted to.
Diana buried her face in Gideon's shoulder as she began to cry.
"Father's going to kill you," Gideon said to me, his voice breaking.
"He's not gonna kill me, baby," I told him, not wanting them to be scared.
"Yes, he is," he retorted, his head snapping up.
"Hey, I wont let that happen," I promised them, reaching a hand out to stroke his cheek.
"Yes, you will," Diana snapped, glaring at me. "You never do anything about it. You let him hurt you." I felt tears welling in my eyes, but I blinked them back.
"Has he ever hit either of you when I'm not around?" I asked them. They both shook their heads, and relief settled in my chest. "If he ever does, tell me. And I will handle it."
They nodded, though Diana still had her violet eyes narrowed at me.
"I love you," Gideon said to me. "And so does Diana even though she's mad at you." I smiled slightly, kissing their cheeks.
"Go to sleep, loves," I told them.
I left the room and went to my own. My husband was already in bed. I changed into my nightgown and got into bed beside him.
He pulled me to him, wrapping his arms around me and kissing me below my ear. I used to love that.
"I've been terrible to you," he murmured. "And when Gideon stopped me, I looked at him and I saw myself at his age. Then I looked at you, and I saw my mother."
His voice broke, and he took a second to regain control.
"I've become my father."
"You're not as bad as him," I assured him.
"But I'm still awful," he acknowledged, the grief in his eyes so deep. "I want to change."
I pressed a kiss to his cheek, wondering if he really meant it this time.
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"Foster, get out!" Eden yelled at her 18 year old brother.
Foster laughed, grabbing a handful of chocolate chips and rushing out of the kitchen, his sister chasing him.
I smiled as I took the apple pie out of the oven. Then, taking a handful of sugar, I sprinkled it over the pie. Eden stepped back into the kitchen, sighing deeply.
"You look awful," she informed me, shaking her head.
I ignored her, having thought my makeup covered most of what happened on the night of the Solstice.
"Wow, thanks," I scoffed, rolling my eyes.
"That pie looks good," she noticed with a slight smile on her face.
"Thanks," I said, genuinely this time. I stepped over to her and sighed, placing my head on her shoulder. "I'm exhausted."
"Poor thing," she joked, pushing my head up. "Are the twins doing okay?"
"Why wouldn't they be okay?" I challenged defensively, though I knew exactly why. She shrugged her shoulders, looking down at the dough she was kneading.
"I've had to watch my mother get beaten many times," she recalled. "It never gets any easier."
"Next time, I'll tell Elio to wait for the kids go to bed before he hits me," I deadpanned.
"You're not coping," she sighed, pity in her amber eyes. "You're ignoring it."
"Ignoring it is how I cope, Eden," I explained.
"It's not healthy," she shrugged. "That's all I'm saying. I'm allowed to have an opinion."
"And I'm allowed to ignore it," I snapped back, sneering a bit. She chuckled lightly.
Chapter Text
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age: 38
Marzia gave birth to yet another son that she named Arlo. He had red hair, but his father's eyes. I helped her deliver him. A few days later, I was watching him for the evening.
He had fallen asleep in my arms, and I smiled as I kissed the top of his little head.
"Where's Daddy?" Diana asked me as she pranced into the room.
"He's out, what is it?" I asked, glancing up at the dark haired girl.
"I want to go for a walk," she explained to me, dragging her feet over to me.
"I can take you, baby," I offered, thinking I'd just put Arlo into his crib.
"No, I want Daddy," she pouted, stomping her foot.
I couldn't help that the words hurt me. After everything she'd witnessed, she still favored her father over me.
"Well, he's busy," I told her. "I'll take you. You'll live."
"Daddy says you didn't even want us," she grumbled. I flinched at the words.
"He said that?" I asked her. She nodded. "Well, it's not true. Of course I wanted you two."
"He said you didn't want kids and you cried when you got pregnant with us," she glared. I felt like I was about to cry now, with her hurt and accusatory glare on me.
"Don't listen to him," I said to her. "I love you two very much. I was scared when I got pregnant, but not unhappy."
She didn't answer, though her face softened a bit.
"Put Arlo to bed," I instructed, handing the sleeping baby to her. "No walk tonight. You'll go straight to bed after dinner."
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After that, Elio and I had a fight that ended with me taking the kids to stay at the cabin for a bit. He hadn't laid a hand on me, not since the Solstice. But his words cut deeper, somehow.
I wrote to my family, and my mother arranged to come and visit while we were away. She brought Rhys and my new little sister, who was five now.
She was only three years younger than the twins, and the three began to play with each other seconds after meeting.
My mother looked worn, but happier than the last time I'd seen her. Having a baby was good for her.
Rhys seemed to have a weight lifted from his shoulders since the war ended. He was no longer separated from Az and Cass, which I knew was a relief for all of them.
"I got a chance to see Azriel while he was spying here in Autumn," I was telling them at dinner that night.
"He compromised his position to see you?" Rhys clarified. I nodded with a smile.
"That sounds about right," Mother sighed. I couldn't help but chuckle.
"Angelica, have you started schooling?" I asked the little girl sitting next to me.
"Yes," she replied, her little voice adorable. "Mama teaches me everyday." Mother smiled, stroking the girl's hair back. She looked just like I had at her age.
"Why don't you teach us, Mama?" Gideon asked.
"I would love to, but Beron is very specific on education," I informed him. "He only chooses the best mentors for you two."
Diana scoffed, but didn't say anything. She had been ignoring me lately. I tried not to let it get to me, but it hurt. All I did was try my best for them.
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Rhys and I stayed up that night, just like we had the last time he'd come to visit. I couldn't help but envy the fact that they were all back home while I was stuck here.
"What's going on with Diana?" Rhys was asking me. I groaned, leaning back on the couch.
"She's going through a phase where she hates me," I explained, scoffing.
"Don't take it personally," he advised. "She's a kid. And living there can't be easy."
"It's not," I admitted. "I just want to go home."
"The war's over," he pointed out. "We don't need the alliance anymore. I'm sure we could--"
"I already asked Beron," I sighed. "He said Father doesn't want me back, and even if he did, he won't let me go home since I already gave birth to his heir."
"Father said he doesn't want you back?" Rhys asked. I nodded.
"I know that I wasn't the best behaved as a child or a teenager," I admitted. "But I don't think I was horrible enough to deserve this."
"You weren't," he assured me. "You don't deserve this."
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I tucked my kids in, only one of them replying when I said goodnight, and went to the room Mother and I were sharing.
Angelica was snoozing by Mother's side when I entered the room. I got in bed on her other side. She wrapped her arm around me, and I laid my head on her shoulder.
"You seem happy," I said to her. She considered the words.
"I'm happier than I was," she told me. "But I won't be truly happy until I have you home again."
"Father told Beron he didn't want me back," I admitted to her.
"He's a cold male, but he loves you," she told me. "He's likely ashamed of ever facing you again after what he did."
"Does he love Angelica?" I wondered.
"I don't let him see her often," she told me. "I want to keep her out of his claws."
"Don't let him marry her off," I said to her. "Ever. I don't want her to go through that."
Mother held me closer, her other hand resting on my arm. I closed my eyes, breathing her in as I remembered that our time together was so limited.
"You don't seem as happy as you were before," Mother said to me. I hid my face in her shoulder, not wanting to have to face her. "Sweetheart, what's wrong?"
I felt a lump rising in my throat. My eyes welled up, and though I tried to stop it, the tears came anyway.
"He hurts me, Mama," I confessed, my voice shaking with sobs.
"Oh, Starling," she whispered, her own voice breaking as her grip on me tightened. "How long?"
"It started a few years before the twins were born," I admitted through my tears.
"That long?" she demanded. "Last I saw you, you told me you were happy."
"It was the middle of the war, I didn't want you to worry," I sobbed.
"I'll tell your father, and he'll bring you home," she assured me.
"No, he won't," I sniffled. "I already told him."
"What?" her voice was sharp.
"I wrote him a letter a few years after it started," I explained. "And I told him. He never answered."
She had gone silent. I dared to glance up from her shoulder. The rage in her eyes was terrifying.
"He knew?" she whispered. "All this time?" I nodded. "I'm going to kill him."
"It's no use," I insisted. "Please, just don't tell anyone."
"We're getting you home, Starling," she said to me. I sat up, sighing.
"No, you're not," I said, shaking my head. "Please don't get my hopes up, because I know it won't happen. Anyway, I'd have to leave Gideon behind because Beron needs him as an heir. And I won't do that."
"We'll find a way," she promised me, her eyes lined with silver.
"Okay, Mama," I said, defeated. If it made her feel better, fine. But I knew there was nothing she could do. "But I mean it. Don't tell Rhys, or Azriel. Or any of them. Please." She stared at me, desperation in her violet eyes.
"Fine," she decided. "But I'm not letting you stay there."
"You know it's not your decision," I whispered.
She squeezed her eyes shut, a stray tear falling. She knew. She knew it was hopeless. But she'd still fight for me.
"Can we just go to sleep?" I begged. "Please? Can we forget I said anything?"
She stared at me for a long second before finally nodding. She brought me close to her again, pressing kisses to the top of my head. I let her.
"I love you, Starling."
"I love you, too, Mama."
Chapter 31
Notes:
lots of bad shit happens in this chapter. im sorry guys. i'm lowkey kinda nervous to post this one
Chapter Text
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age: 40
My time with Eden was some of the only peace I ever got. Our moments together were rare, but nearly sacred.
She was sprawled on my bed, my hands pinning her hips down as I went down on her, her moans filling my bedroom.
"Gods, Eve," she moaned, her back bowing off the bed through her orgasm.
She gasped, her hips jerking. I grinned up at her when she finished, crawling towards the girl, kissing her deeply.
I gasped as she flipped us around and pinned my arms down to the bed. She lifted my skirt and slid two fingers into me.
I whimpered. She crawled down and licked up my center. I gasped, hips bucking. She smirked, lapping at my folds.
But then the door opened.
We immediately jumped apart, me tugging my skirt down.
My husband was standing in the doorway, a shocked expression on his face.
Eden and I both stared at him in disbelief, unsure of what to do. Pure fear ached in my chest, my body beginning to tremble no matter how hard I tried to stop it.
"I knew you were being dishonest about something," he said quietly. "But I wasn't expecting this."
"Please, Elio, I can explain--"
But he had already lost it. He advanced on me, his grip twisting in my hair. He dragged me out of the bed, not stopping as I fell to the ground with a grunt.
"You stupid little bitch!" he was screaming at me, his hand making contact with my face at every word. "I can't believe you would do this to me! I can't believe you could be so deceitful!"
Tears formed in my eyes, and as much as I tried to blink them back, I couldn't. He hadn't hit me in two years, and I had messed that up.
He took a book from the nightstand and chucked it at me. I shrieked, hiding my face with my arms as it hit me.
Eden was frozen on the bed, tears in her eyes as she stared at her brother. He turned to her, snatching her arm and yanking her off of the bed.
"You turned her against me," he accused her.
"No, please, I didn't--" she began. He shoved her backwards until she stumbled, but managed not to fall.
"Get the fuck out, Eden!" he snapped at her.
She glanced over at me. I gave her a pleading look, but she listened to her brother and left the room, leaving me alone with him.
"I promise you, Elio, it's not what it looks like," I lied.
Tears streamed down my face as I managed to get to my feet, going to his side.
"Oh, so you're not fucking my sister?" he demanded. I couldn't even look him in the eyes.
"You go around fucking females all the time!" I argued.
"Yes, but I do not belong to you, Eve," he snarled. "You belong to me."
"You're so fucked up," I glared.
This time, he shoved me to the ground, kicking me in the stomach. I whimpered, but had no time to protest before he gripped a chunk of my hair and yanked me to my feet. I sobbed, trying to pull away from him desperately.
"When I'm done with you, you'll never even want to look at Eden again!" he shouted, shoving me into the wall.
I pushed past him, trying to get to the door. I just needed to get away from him. He clutched the skirt of my dress and pried me back, ripping the fabric.
Elio snatched a vase from the dresser and chucked it at me. I didn't have time to get out of the way before it shattered against my shoulder.
I shrieked, feeling my skin break as a shard imbedded itself in my shoulder. I fell against the wall, sliding down it as I picked the piece of glass out of my skin.
"Elio, I'm sorry," I whimpered.
"I know you hate it here," he hissed, tears in his eyes. "You hate me."
"I never said that," I argued, shaking my head.
"You hate being married to me," he accused, the anger in his voice nothing short of terrifying.
"No," I insisted through my sobs.
"Then why're you crying?" he questioned, kneeling in front of me and wiping a tear from my eye.
"Because you're hurting me," I sobbed, my entire body shaking.
He reared his fist back and punched me in the eye, causing me to yell out in pain, clutching at the wound.
"Worthless fucking bitch, I'm gonna bash your fucking face in!" His fist hit my face over and over as he screamed the words at me.
He picked me back up, only to throw me to the ground. His kicks met every inch of my body. I cried, trying to cover my face with my arms.
He stomped on my face, and I felt a crack in my nose. I shrieked in pain, my face contorted from the impact.
I'd never once gotten a beating as vicious as this. He was going to kill me. And it would be my fault. My fault my children would have to grow up in this awful house without a mother.
The door slammed open, and I heard two sets of footsteps entering the room. I could barely see through my tears, but I recognized Marzia and Eden.
"Stop it!" Marzia yelled at her son, grabbing his shoulders. "Stop it, you're going to kill her!"
His kicks didn't stop. I had stopped screaming, not crying, the pain too overwhelming. All I could do was lay there.
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I was surprised to wake up. Once I had lost consciousness, I was sure I was dead. My entire body ached more than it ever had. I groaned, trying to sit up.
"Don't," Kirsten warned. "You'll hurt yourself."
"How long have I been out?" I asked, my voice hoarse and my throat burning.
"Only a day," she assured me, a sigh leaving her lips.
I knew she had grown to care for me, worry about me. She'd been taking care of me from the first bruise I'd received at his hands. She had nursed me through my pregnancy and delivered my children.
"The twins want to see you," she said to me. "Are you ready?"
I nodded, though I really didn't want them to see me like this. I knew denying them would only cause them more worry.
When they came into the infirmary, the expression on their faces made me realize just how awful I must've looked.
They were only ten. They didn't need to be seeing this. I just wanted to protect them. I had failed them so horribly.
Gideon was by my side immediately, fussing over me. Kirsten warned him to back up so he didn't hurt me.
Diana stood back, but there was silver lining her eyes. She couldn't even look at me.
"Will you be okay?" Gideon demanded, sniffling as he wiped his amber eyes.
"I'll be fine," I promised him, trying to smile. But my face ached too much.
"Aunt Eden wants to talk to you," Diana spoke up, staring at the floor. Shame ate at my stomach.
The twins and Kirsten both left the room as Eden entered it. She looked almost as bad as I felt. Bruises marred her skin.
"Did Elio..." I began.
"No," she cut me off. "My father found out."
"I'm sorry," I whispered. She took a shuddering breath, unable to meet my eyes.
"He's . . ." she swallowed, trying to get the words out. "He's marrying me off to a male in the Summer Court."
I froze. She blinked back tears.
"This is my fault," I realized. "I'm so sorry, Eden."
"Eve, I'm the one who kissed you first all those years ago," she reminded me. "Don't blame yourself."
She sniffled, wiping a stray tear from her eye. She blinked them back before looking at me again.
"The worst part is," Eden began. "That you were never even mine to lose."
"Oh, Eden," I whispered. "I'll miss you so much."
She began to cry into her hands, and I wanted nothing more than to hold her. But I couldn't even move.
"I'm so scared," she confessed.
"I know," I said. "But I've been to the Summer Court. They're so much kinder to their females there."
She glanced up from her hands, her tears stopping for a moment.
"I mean it," I promised. "My family went for vacation all the time. Females are equals there. They don't get treated like we do."
She took a breath of relief, though tears continued to silently fall down her face.
"I'll write you everyday," she insisted.
"Elio might not let me receive them," I warned.
"If he does, write back," she pleaded.
"Of course, I will."
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I recovered after a week in the infirmary. I hadn't been allowed to see Eden since then. She was sent to Summer a day ago, and I hadn't been allowed to say goodbye. I had everything up.
"We need to talk," Elio said quietly that night. I nodded, sitting down next to him. "I don't feel like I can trust you anymore."
"I can't trust you, either," I pointed out. "You cheat on me all the time. Yes, I was with Eden. I don't understand why that upsets you so much when you do the same thing."
"We are not equals, Evelina," he told me. "You are my wife. Legally and politically, you are my property."
"That's not fair," I insisted.
"Mother above, Eve, I feel like I'm trying to manage a child!" he snapped. "Do you even care for me?"
"Of course I care," I promised, putting my hand on his arm. "I care for you more than you know, Elio."
"Then we need to make some changes," he decided. "Some rules."
"What rules?"
"I don't want you leaving the Forest House anymore," he decided. "Not without me. And I don't want you talking to males and females outside of the family without me present."
"That's ridiculous," I sneered. "What about my friends?"
"I can't trust you with them," he explained. "Eden was your best friend. Many used to say you two were practically sisters. I guess that wasn't a good comparison."
"I'm sorry, I really am," I promised him, tears stinging my eyes. "It was just Eden. She was the only other one I was ever interested in. And she's gone now. You don't have to worry."
"We need to come to an agreement," he insisted. "If I get upset or angry, don't let it bother you. I have a short temper sometimes. You're not entirely blameless for that, though. Your actions lead me to react. Do you understand?"
"Yes," I nodded, keeping my head low.
"Good," he said. "Now come here."
I nodded, going to him and sitting on his lap. I wrapped my arms around him and hid my face in his neck as he held me.
"I'm sorry for being an asshole earlier," he mumbled. "I'm sorry I hurt you so badly, Eve. I know I said I wasn't going to anymore. But you have to remember your place. You know that I care for you."
"I know," I said quietly as he kissed my forehead.
"Why don't we have a nice night together?" he offered. "Like we used to?" I smiled, nodding.
He kissed my neck. I let him, trying to lose myself in the feeling. He pushed me back onto the bed, kisses trailing down my neck.
His fingers slid up my dress, pulling my underthings down. I allowed it, closing my eyes and trying to keep myself from remembering the thing he'd done a week ago.
I gasped as he thrust into me, not giving me time to prepare for him. Tears stung my eyes, but I let it happen.
I tried to control my breathing as he grunted on top of me. I felt too overwhelmed to make a single sound.
Everything was suddenly too much. His body was crushing me. His thrusts were too hard. His grip pinning my wrists down was too tight.
"Elio, please, can we stop?" I managed, squeezing my eyes shut to stop some of the sensory overload.
"I'm almost finished," he grunted, his grip on my wrists tightening enough to make me whimper.
"Please, I can't," I pleaded as I started to cry. "Please, get off. I can't. Too much."
He didn't listen.
I realized I wasn't breathing. I couldn't breathe.
"Please," I sobbed, my voice breaking with desperation and lack of air.
"Almost done," he repeated, his rhythm speeding up as his grunts became louder.
"I can't breathe, Elio, I can't—"
I cried out as his hand released one of my wrists, striking me hard across the face. He spilled inside of me with a low groan before finally rolling off of me.
I sat up, hyperventilating to make up for the lack of air. Tears spilled from my eyes uncontrollably as broken sobs left my lips.
Before I knew what was happening, I leaned over the bed, heaving and throwing up my dinner onto the floor.
"Eve—" he began, reaching for me.
"Don't touch me!" I snapped through my tears as I wiped the vomit from the side of my mouth. "Please, don't touch me."
͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙
Chapter Text
‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙
‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙
age: 44
In the last four years, I'd rarely left the Forest House. And never without Elio escorting me. My disdain for him had only grownn.
Diana was still cold with me, while Gideon's overprotectiveness, though endearing, weighed on me with concern for his safety.
I walked down the corridors with Eris that afternoon, the pair of us speaking briefly.
Eris and I, in our silent dance, skirted around the dark truth of his brother's violence, speaking of everything but the bruises that marred my skin.
But I was beginning the realize he was the only one here with power that I trusted. Sure, I trusted Marzia, but she and I were in the same boat. Eris, on the other hand, was the eldest son of the High Lord and heir to the throne.
"Would you teach me to fight?" I asked. His surprise was evident, pausing to consider.
Without my power, I had no advantage against him. I finally understood why my mother didn’t want Rhys to rely on his magic. Without it, I had nothing.
As a child, I'd always considered myself lucky that I didn't have to train. The boys would come home dirty, sweaty, covered in blood, and I'd be studying in a pretty dress with a ribbon in my hair, counting my blessings.
I envied their strength now, wishing for the ability to defend myself against the cruelty I faced.
"I wish I could, but the risk..." He trailed off, the implications of such an act hanging heavily between us.
"I just hate being so defenseless," I admitted.
"I've been wanting to teach my mother to fight for years," he said to me. "I just want her to be able to stand up against him. But it's too risky. I'm sorry, Eve."
"It's fine," I mumbled.
A bloodcurdling scream shattered through the hall, shaking me from my self pity. Eris and I exchanged a glance before taking off in the direction of the sound.
We found Marzia in the throne room, her husband slamming her into the wall, nothing to protect her from the onslaught of hits.
Elio and Callum were both screaming at their father to stop as they tried to pull him off of their pregnant mother.
Two year old Arlo was crying in Foster's arms while he tried to calm him. Eris rushed to his brothers' sides, helping them get their father off of Marzia.
"You fucking whore!" Beron yelled at his wife.
"Father, enough!" Eris shouted, finally yanking him away.
"What's going on?" Foster demanded, still holding his crying baby brother.
"Ask your mother," Beron sneered, his sons still holding him back as Marzia sobbed on the floor, her hands clutching her belly. "She's the one who's been fucking the High Lord of Day."
The accusation Beron hurled at Marzia, of her infidelity with the High Lord of Day, hung thick in the air, fear and guilt reflected in her eyes.
"You're going to hurt the baby," Callum pointed out.
Beron seemed to remember himself at that. He stopped fighting back against his sons.
Before any of us could say a word, flames erupted right next to Marzia. She shrieked as the rest of us cried out, jumping back. She managed to get up and rush away from the fire before getting singed.
When we turned again, Beron was gone.
‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾
I volunteered to accompany Marzia to her chambers, and her sons had reluctantly agreed.
Once there, I filled the tub for her, the warm water a small comfort. After her bath, we lay side by side on her bed, her head resting gently on my shoulder.
"I'd think you'd have learned from me that it's not a good idea to have affairs," I said quietly.
"Sometimes, joy has a terrible cost," she whispered. I understood what she meant. "You should know that better than anyone."
"You once claimed Elio would be free from cruelty," I said. A tear traced her cheek.
"He was different before. His father's influence has corrupted him, and now I've lost him, too." Her hand cradled her abdomen.
"The baby is Helion's, isn't it?" The question hung between us; her affirmation came not in words but a subtle, sorrowful nod.
"Beron has his suspicions but lacks evidence," she confided, a note of resignation in her voice. "I fear the child's future in this unforgiving court."
"Is it a boy?" I ventured.
Her sigh carried the weight of her worry. "I pray so. A girl would not survive the cruelties of this place."
"I'm glad Eden got out of here," I expressed.
Eden had written to us. Her husband was a very kind male, and the Summer Court was quite progressive when it came to the way they treated females.
"Thank you for being so kind to me," I said. "I don't think I would've survived this long without you."
͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙
When Marzia went into labor, she requested my presence, and I willingly obliged.
Together with Kirsten, we supported her through the birthing process. While her sons stood by just beyond the door, Beron was absent, attending to matters at the Spring Court.
Marzia's cries pierced the room, her face streaked with tears. She had once told me that even after five children, the pain of labor never got easier.
"Nearly there, my lady," Kirsten encouraged.
"You're doing wonderfully, Mar. Just one more push," I said to her with a reassuring smile.
Marzia, gathering her remaining strength, pushed. In the moments that followed, Kirsten skillfully guided the newborn into the world.
"It's a boy," Kirsten joyfully declared. I thanked the Mother, and I knew Marzia did thr same.
"May I see him?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper. She nodded, and I carefully cradled the child before bringing him to his mother.
The baby, with his tufts of red hair and deep amber eyes, bore a striking resemblance to Marzia—though his skin was a bit dark. He could still pass as Beron's. A sigh of relief escaped me before I gently returned him to his mother's waiting arms.
‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧
Elio had been keeping me busy lately, the list of household chores never seeming to end. He believed that if my time was fully occupied, there would be no chance for me to cheat.
As I was dusting the windowsill, Lucien's cries echoed from the nursery, prompting me to pause my work.
However, when I reached his room, the crying had ceased. Peeking inside, I saw Eris, gently rocking Lucien in his arms, planting a soft kiss on his head while whispering soothing words.
Choosing not to interrupt this tender scene, I silently withdrew, knowing Eris might alter his behavior if he realized he had an audience.
After finishing the day's tasks, I entered our bedroom to find Elio engrossed in a book.
"Baby, could you help me clear out the fireplace later? It would be nice to enjoy a fire tonight," I suggested, hoping for his cooperation.
"Maybe later," he responded without looking up, a familiar indication that the chore would likely fall to me. Changing the subject, he proposed, "Why don't we go out tonight?"
“Go out?"
He nodded, encouraging the idea of a date with a warm smile. I considered it. "That could be nice," I admitted.
"Change out of that ratty dress," Elio instructed. "And put on some makeup. I want you to look your best."
"My best for just a night out?" I questioned.
"Yes," he retorted. "Just put on a bit of lipstick, some mascara. That black dress you have?"
"That dress is too tight," I denied, shaking my head.
"You can be a bit uncomfortable for just an hour," he told me. "Just put on the dress."
"I'd really rather not, Elio," I nearly snapped.
"Fine," he sighed. "I don't understand why you always fight me on the little things."
"It's short and tight, and I'd rather not go out in public wearing it," I explained, crossing my arms.
"Come on," he insisted. "You used to love giving people a show."
"That was a long time ago," I recalled.
Before I had kids. Before he began shaming my every flaw. I'd never hated my body before, but he'd turned it into something I couldn't stand looking at anymore.
"Why can't you just do this for me?" he snapped. "I'm just asking you to wear a dress. That's not too much to ask, is it? It would mean a lot to me."
"Fine," I gave in, deciding it was better than a fight. He smiled, taking a hand to stroke my cheek.
"That's better," he said. "That wasn't too bad, was it?"
͙⁺˚*・༓☾
Rather than the a nice restaurant as I expected,
I found myself in the company of his questionable friends, sitting in their living room.
Elio, treating me more like an object than his wife, kept me perched on his lap as if I were a possession throughout much of the night.
Hours passed, and a drunk Elio turned his attention to the other women who had arrived.
I retreated to the kitchen, nursing some wine, seeking solace from the discomfort.
Elio remained in the sitting room, entertaining the women, while his two friends made their way to the kitchen.
As I stood to leave, Oldan's hand clamped around my wrist, pulling me back with a force that nearly caused me to lose balance, the alcohol swirling in my head.
"Don't leave," Oldan demanded, his grip threatening to leave a mark.
"I'm bored and tired," I protested, attempting to free myself.
"Bored?" he retorted, believing he could capture my interest. I scoffed at his arrogance, trying once more to pull away.
Lothaire then stood, catching my hair in his hand and forcefully tilting my head back to face him.
"Don't disrespect your superiors," he admonished.
"Superiors?" I challenged, indignant. "I am a princess, and you are nothing but lowborn commoners."
"You're certainly not dressed like a princess," Oldan teased, letting go of my wrist to creep his hand up my skirt. I batted his hand away with my own.
"Don't touch me," I hissed.
"Don't tell him what to do," Lothaire cautioned, his grip on my hair tightening to point of pain.
"I'd like to speak with my husband," I snipped.
"He's busy," Oldan informed me. "And he's told us all about you. From what we've heard, you used to be quite the little freak in bed."
"Let go of me," I repeated, trying to pull away again.
"What, you can fuck your husband's sister, but you're too good for us?" Lothaire challenged.
"Please, leave me alone," I implored.
At that moment, Elio stumbled into the kitchen, accompanied by Katina and another unfamiliar woman.
"Elio," I exhaled, a mix of relief and desperation in my voice.
“What's happening?" he slurred.
"Elio, tell them to leave me alone," I begged my husband.
"What do you expect when you're dressed like a whore?" Lothaire teased, his hand creeping under the front of my dress and ripping the material. I cried out, trying to rip my arm from his grip so I could hold the ripped fabric up.
Katina snorted, and Elio laughed at the cruel words, sending a sense of hurt and betrayal through me. But once Elio's laughter stopped, he shook his head at his friends.
"Come on, you two have had your fun," my husband said. "Let her go."
They both seemed disappointed, but didn't dare disobey their prince. They let go of me and I gasped in relief.
I stormed out of the room, wiping the tears of humiliation and violation from my eyes.
‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾
Upon returning to the Forest House, Elio's nonchalant drawl filled the air. "Babe, calm down," he said.
“No," I retorted sharply, clutching at the torn fabric of my dress. "Your friends are pigs."
"What did you expect, dressed that way?" He trailed behind me as I marched down the hallway.
"It wasn't my choice; you insisted I wear this dress," I countered.
"I intervened, didn't I?" he protested, his arms spread wide as if to emphasize his belated chivalry.
"Only after you joined laughed at me and let it go on for far too long," I replied, my voice breaking as tears of anger spilled over.
"I'm surprised you didn't enjoy the attention, you cheating whore,” he sneered.
“Oh, please, why wait for the best when I could have you?” I mocked, glaring at him.
Our heated exchange was interrupted by the sound of a throat being cleared. We turned to find Marzia standing there, our children by her side. I felt a wave of embarrassment as I clutched the remnants of the dress to my body.
"What the hell happened to her?" Gideon demanded, stepping towards his father.
"Gideon, baby, it's fine," I insisted, stepping in front of him. "Please, you weren't meant to hear any of that."
“But you're crying, Mom."
"I'm fine," I lied, trying to reassure him while wiping away tears.
Diana stepped forward, her voice firm. "Gideon, let’s not get involved. They can sort out their own problems."
Elio started to object, but Diana cut him off with a rare defiance. "We're leaving you to it," she declared, taking her brother away.
Marzia's gentle touch on my cheek was a silent offer of comfort. I couldn't hold back any longer and collapsed into her embrace, my sobs muffled by her shoulder.
"You can stay with me tonight," Marzia declared as she continued to comfort me.
‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧
As the twins approached their fourteenth birthday, Elio had yet to allow me to leave the house for their gifts.
"I just need a quick trip to town," I pleaded.
"Why?" he questioned, unconvinced.
"It's for the twins' birthday presents," I clarified, folding my arms defensively.
"It's not for another week," he countered.
"No, it's tomorrow!" I corrected him with a mixture of surprise and frustration, realizing he had forgotten not only my birthdays but now his own children's—a new low, even by his standards.
"Alright, we'll head to town tonight," he finally conceded.
My tension eased with a nod, knowing I'd secure gifts for them in time to avoid Diana's silent treatment—something I loathed.
As we made our way down the hall for breakfast, I felt a sudden grip on my shoulder. I turned swiftly to find Gideon behind me.
"Diana and I are skipping breakfast to plan tomorrow's birthday party," he informed me.
"Really? You're organizing it yourselves?" I asked, a hint of a smile breaking through.
"Just a small gathering of friends," he said. I nodded in approval.
"That's fine, but make sure to have a big lunch," I advised.
"Gideon, that's not acceptable," Elio interjected. "You and Diana will be at breakfast."
"But Mom—"
"Your mother's word doesn't override mine," he cut him off. "I'm in charge. Now, get ready for breakfast."
"Why should we?" Gideon pushed back.
"Because that's what families do—they eat together," Elio retorted sharply.
"Is that what we are?" Gideon challenged, skepticism in his voice. "You don’t treat us like a family."
The tension exploded as Elio shoved Gideon against the wall. I intervened, grappling with my husband, trying desperately to pull him away as he pummeled our son.
Elio finally stopped, and I was able to drag him back. I glared at him and, without a second thought, slapped him, snapping him back to the present. He looked at us, his expression unreadable.
Before he could say a word, I wrapped an arm around Gideon and led him away.
I ushered him to the infirmary, where Kirsten applied the same ointments often used for me.
We sat together, and I comforted him as he wept on my shoulder.
Diana burst in, causing us to startle, but her presence was a relief. She rushed to Gideon's side, enveloping him in a hug.
"Gideon, are you okay?" she asked, concern etched in her voice.
"Yes," he sniffled, pulling back slightly.
Her fury then turned towards me. "What the fuck happened?" she demanded. "First, you let him hurt you, now Gideon?"
"She tried to pull him off," Gideon came to my defense.
"Don't protect her!" Diana lashed out. "You're such a brainwashed mama’s boy. You can’t say a word against her."
"And you don’t care that he hurts her, you’re still daddy’s little girl," Gideon retorted.
"You're selfish for marrying him and bringing us into this family," she accused me, tears brimming in her eyes.
Her words cut through me, and I rose, tears pricking my own eyes. "I had no choice. I was only three years older than you when my father sold me to him. Do you think Beron would've kept me alive if I hadn't given him grandchildren?"
Their expressions softened, a mix of shock and pity replacing their anger as they learned of my past—a secret Elio and I had kept from them.
"Mom," Gideon whispered, his eyes filled with compassion.
Diana, her gaze softened, remained silent.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have told you that," I sighed, regretting my outburst. "But please, don't tell your father about this."
They shared a look and then faced me, solemnity in their eyes. Diana sighed, conceding with a nod.
"We won't tell, Mom," Gideon assured me.
Chapter 33
Notes:
this chapter is gonna be disturbing. but it's a driving force for her actually wanting to get out. dw yall, she's getting rescued very soon.
tw for elio being an asshole, forced oral sex, and katina being a heartless bitch
Chapter Text
‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙
age: 47
That morning, I was making our bed while Elio dressed for the day. As I tucked the fitted sheet, a crease formed between my brows. I reached behind the bed, my fingers searching the narrow space between the mattress and the wall.
What I found was a pair of earrings, unfamiliar and certainly not mine. In that moment, an icy wave of hurt surged through me, and I felt the air in the room grow thin.
With a jaw set firm and hands shaking, I confronted Elio as he emerged from the closet. The earrings flew from my grasp to his feet. A momentary look of confusion crossed his face before he looked down and realized who they belonged to.
"Get out."
"Don't be ridiculous."
"Her earrings are in our bed!"
"You're such a hypocrite. What about Eden?" he demanded. "You were fucking her for years."
"And you nearly killed me for it," I reminded him, tears stinging my eyes. "But could you blame me? You're turning into your father."
His hand was a flash, tangling in my hair with a swift, cruel motion. My head was slammed against the wall with a force that left me reeling. A sharp cry escaped my lips as pain radiated through my skull, and just as quickly, he let go.
"You know I've been stressed lately," he reminded me as I held a hand to my throbbing head. "You slept with my sister and got her sent away. My own children hate me."
"They don't hate you, they just hates the way you treat me," I said, wincing as I massaged the pain away.
"The way I treat you? I give you everything you could ever want," he snarled at me. "I put up with you and your bitching and whining. I take care of you. I protect you. And what do I get in return? Nothing but bullshit."
"You get nothing in return?" I seethed, my voice scary to even me. "I've treated you like a fucking king. I've let you fuck me, even when I don't want to. I've spoiled you. I make all of your meals. I do your laundry. I keep the house in perfect condition. I put up with your horrible friends. I gave you childten and raised them almost entirely by myself. I've let you take your anger out of me."
"That is what's required of a wife," he glared. "Not that you'd know anything about being a good wife."
"And you don't know the first thing about being a good husband," I snapped back.
"So you're the victim here? It's all my fault, right?"
"Yes."
"Nothing is ever your fault, is it, Eve?"
"If I'm so horrible, let me go home," I pleaded. He smacked me across the face. I didn't let it affect me. I just stared at him. "What makes you any better than your father?"
"Excuse me?"
"You despise your father for beating your mother, you, your siblings. But you do the same to me. You did the same to Gideon."
"It's different."
"How?"
"My father beats my mother because it amuses him. He sees breaking her down like an art. He loves knowing that he's destroyed her. You think I like seeing you cry? I do it to teach you the consequences of your actions."
"You're not my father, that isn't your job."
"It may not be where you're from, but it is my job in this court," he said to me. "If you don't want me to hit you, be a better wife and do your job."
"My job?" I demanded. "How do I not do my job?"
"For one, I have to go to other women to be satisfied," he said to me. I glared. "There are so many things you refuse to do."
"You'll live."
"I don't know why I even give you a choice," he scoffed. The words sent chills down my spine. Because I knew that he had complete power over me. He could do whatever he wanted to me, and that terrified me.
I tried to push past him, but he grabbed me. I felt his hand in my hair. He pushed my head down, and I yanked away from him.
"Elio, stop," I begged, my heart rate becoming alarmingly fast. He just scoffed, pushing me down to my knees.
Flames bound my wrists behind my back. The kind of flames that didn't hurt. Almost like Azriel's shadows, but not nearly as comforting.
He unbuckled his belt and took himself out. I kept my lips shut tight, squeezing my eyes closed.
"Eve," he warned, gripping my jaw in his hand. "Open your mouth." I shook my head.
The flames encircling my wrists intensified, growing hotter by the moment. The heat escalated to such an unbearable degree that I could no longer tolerate it. I cried out in pain, and he took the opportunity to slide into my mouth.
His hands intertwined in my hair as he started to fuck my mouth relentlessly. Tears streamed down my face at the intrusion, and the scorching pain on my wrists.
I was gagging, but he didn't let up. He didn't care. He didn't care that I was struggling to breathe. He didn't care that I'd told him repeatedly how much I hated this.
I grazed my teeth against him, a warning of what I would do if he didn't stop.
His head shot up, and he pulled out of me. His eyes were filled with fury. The flames released me, but his hand struck me hard enough to send me to the ground.
I was sobbing loud, messy tears, but he didn't care. He just scoffed at me and buckled his belt again.
He left the room, leaving me on the floor in tears, my wrists bloody and searing hot. Of all the things he'd done to me, this felt the worst.
Eventually, my tears stopped and I worked up the strength to stand up. I went to the bathroom, opening the cabinet and getting out the gauze and some burn ointment Kirsten let me keep.
I winced, hissing in pain as I applied to ointment to my wrists. I thought of Azriel, how he must've felt in the moments after his hands were burned.
I clenched my jaw as I wrapped my wrists up, not allowing myself to think about what had just happened to me.
I left our bedroom, only making it part way down the hall before breaking down again. I collapsed onto the floor, sobbing into my hands.
"What's wrong, Eve?" a little voice asked me. I glanced up, seeing the three year old boy through my blurry vision. "What's wrong with your arms?"
"Oh, I'm okay, Lu," I sighed, wiping my eyes. "It's nothing."
He walked over to me and pressed a kiss to my cheek. My heart swelled in response to his tender gesture. Rising to my feet, I swept him up in my arms.
"Thank you," I smiled, kissing the boy on the forehead. "Now, where's your mother?"
"I don't know," he replied.
"Well, let's go find her," I suggested, carrying him down the hall.
We found Marzia in a sitting room, knitting a little sweater for Lucien. When she noticed us, her eyes lit up in a way I rarely saw.
"Where did you go off to, sweet boy?" she asked, smiling.
I handed Lucien to her. He giggled, hiding his face in her shoulder. She kissed his head, holding him tight. She turned to look at her, but her face fell when her eyes met mine.
"What's wrong, love?" she asked me, concern etched upon her face. I sniffled, wiping my eyes.
"Nothing, I'm okay," I lied again, shaking my head.
"Oh, sweetheart, what did he do to you?" she asked, quietly, sadness in her eyes as she noticed the bandages. My lower lip trembled at her care and concern, but I bit it, blinking back tears.
"I'm okay," I repeated.
"Lucien, why don't you go get Eve a cookie from the kitchen?" Marzia offered. "You can get one for yourself, too."
Lucien jumped up at that, running to the kitchen, which was only a few rooms away.
"Come here," she said. I didn't have to be told twice. I sat beside her, welcoming her embrace. "I'm so sorry that my son has grown to be so awful to you."
"I need to get out of here, Mar," I whispered. "I don't think I'll be able to survive him much longer."
‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙
I spent the night in Marzia's chambers that night, something she always let me do after I fought with Elio.
Upon returning to my own bedroom that morning, I realized it had been trashed. A sigh escaped me, not looking forward to cleaning up his mess.
Spotting a half-consumed bottle of wine on the nightstand, I grasped it, indulging in a sip before sinking onto the edge of the bed.
"Elio, is she gone, yet?" I heard a voice call as the door opened.
When she saw me, Katina froze. But, within moments, the corners of her mouth began to curve into a smirk.
"It's a disaster in here," Katina observed. My eyes snapped up to hers, narrowing. "Can't even keep the room clean for him?"
"Leave me alone," I said very quietly, my voice breaking.
"He came to my chambers yesterday," she announced to me. "He was frustrated with you. He said you put up quite the fight."
"That's not your business," I whispered, not able to meet her eyes.
"He complains about you," she mused, crossing her arms with a smug look on her face. "He never complains about me. I do whatever he asks. He never has to force me."
"That's because you're a whore," I snapped.
"That's better than whatever you are," she chuckled.
"I am his wife," I reminded her. "I am the mother of his children. He goes off and fucks you, but I am the one he comes home to at the end of the day."
"You're the one that cleans up after him," she smirked. "I get to have fun with him, while you stay back and spend your day cleaning and watching after his little brats. And when he comes home, you're the one he takes his anger out on, not me."
"Yes, well, you love him," I pointed out. "And you know he would never leave me for you." The words hit their mark. Her face fell, her eyes going a bit wide.
"You don't know that," she said, stiffening.
"Oh, I do," I glared. "Because you can't provide him children. You're infertile. His father would never allow him to marry you. I gave him two healthy children the first time I was pregnant, you could not give him any."
"Don't speak to her that way," a voice, my husband's voice, said sternly from the threshold. I turned to him.
Always defending her, never defending me. Always praising her, never praising me. Always loving her, and never me.
"Clean up this mess," he said to me. "Kat and I are going out."
"I didn't make the mess," I replied, getting to my feet and marching towards him. "You can clean it up."
A smack to my face shut me up quickly. I blinked, my hand cradling the stinging spot. He stared at me, no guilt in his eyes.
Katina let out a cruel laugh, her eyes twinkling in amusement. I glared at her. She pouted at me mockingly, taking my husband's hand in hers.
"If it's not clean by the time we're home, it's not going to be pleasant for you," he warned me.
I watched them leave, the fierce reality of everything hitting me hard. Long gone was the remorse, the tears, the begging for my forgiveness. He truly didn't care anymore.
Chapter Text
͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙
͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙
age: 50
Elio had taken control of all the letters I received from my family. I found myself cut off, unable to read their letters, or write to them.
My desperation to escape had only grown, but he had crafted an impenetrable barrier, preventing any outside communication from reaching the confines of the Forest House.
My parents were the only ones aware of the abuse I faced. My father remained indifferent, and with the severance of ties to my mother, I was left in the dark about her endeavors to persuade her mate to grant my return.
Yet, upon awakening that morning, a familiar sensation stirred within me. I leapt from my bed, hastily throwing on a dress, and followed that thread in my chest.
I raced towards it, finding myself in the gardens, at the very spot it had guided me to two decades prior. This time, there were no lurking shadows to ensnare me. I knew precisely where he would be.
The instant Azriel came into view, I flung myself into his embrace. He responded with a gentle laugh, enveloping me in his arms, and pressed a tender kiss atop my head.
"You were away for far too long!" I gushed, pulling back to look at him.
Wynn's grasp gently enveloped my hand, while Ash tenderly caressed my cheek. River and Charlie meticulously examined my skin, searching for any signs of harm. Even Jamie joined in, offering comforting nudges. Amidst them, Blake twirled playfully, his antics coaxing my laughter.
"You're in good spirits," he observed, taking me in.
"How is everyone?" I wondered, perking up. "I haven't been able to read your letters."
"We're all still mourning," he sighed. I cocked my head to the side, furrowing my eyebrows.
"Mourning?" I repeated. "Mourning who?"
His gaze locked onto mine, disbelief in his hazel eyes that brimmed with a profound sorrow. A knot of anxiety twisted in the pit of my stomach.
"Nobody told you?" he asked quietly. "It's been a month and nobody told you."
"Told me what?" I demanded, irritated.
He inhaled sharply, his eyes shimmering with the weight of regret.
"The High Lord of Spring and his sons . . ." he trailed off, stopping to sigh. "Eve, they slaughtered your mother and Angelina."
The words took a second to take root in me and process.
"What? No, that can't--somebody would've told me."
"Rhys and your father went to kill the High Lord, Lady, and his sons," he went on. "They killed them all, except for the youngest, who killed your father."
I shook my head, having to hold on to the garden wall beside me to ground myself.
"Somebody would've told me," I repeated, my words a whisper.
Tears stung my eyes. I should've heard about this. Deaths aside, I had to have known that there was a new High Lord of Spring and Night.
But Elio had me so isolated, I would've only been able to hear it from him or his family. And he had likely instructed them not to tell me.
"How could you not know?" he demanded. "Even if your husband didn't tell you, how did you not hear?"
"I never really leave the house anymore," I admitted, wiping my eyes. "A month? They've been gone a month?"
"Yes," he whispered. "I'm so sorry, Evie."
My sobs broke through the silence, and he wrapped his arms around me once more. I clung to him, burying my face in the sanctuary of his shoulder. In his embrace, we were shrouded by the comforting cloak of his shadows. Images of my mother flashed through my mind, the stark reality that I would never see her again was too much to bare.
And then there was my little sister—our only encounter had been brief. But she had been so young. And I knew how much she meant to Rhys.
My emotions were a mix when it came to my father. There was no denying the love that would always linger, yet I grappled with the notion of mourning him, considering the life he had forced me into.
His absence, however, meant that Rhys had ascended to High Lord, and with this change, a flicker of hope ignited within me—the possibility of returning home now seemed within reach.
"Take me and the twins home with you," I blurted before I could stop myself. Azriel pulled back, staring at me like I was insane.
"I can't just take you home," he pointed out to me. "You know that."
"Tell Rhys I need him to do something," I begged, taking his hands in mine. "Please, Az. I need him to get us out of here. I can't live here any longer. Please." My voice broke in desperation, tears flooding from my eyes.
"Eve, your wrists," he said, his eyes falling upon the burn scars encircling my wrists. I yanked my hands from his grip. "What happened?"
"I need to get out of here," was all I said. "I can't, Az. I can't live with him anymore. Please."
"Elio did that?" Az realized, his eyes widening.
"Please," I repeated through sobs. "I'm so scared, Az. I need to go home. Please." He stared at me, his own eyes lined with silver.
His eyes dipped to my marred wrists again. His own scarred hands wrapped around them, tracing the marks I was left with.
"I'll tell him, and we'll get you home," he promised me. "I'll write you as soon as we have a plan."
"I can't get letters," I admitted, sniffling. "He takes all the letters I receive. He won't let me read them." His eyes flashed with fury, but he quickly repressed it, nodding.
"Well, we aren't leaving you here," he swore. "We'll do whatever it takes."
I gave a silent nod, my eyelids pressing together to hold back the cascade of tears, but they fell nonetheless. He drew me in close, enveloping me in the warmth of another tender embrace
"I have to go," he said, his hand stroking my hair.
I squeezed him tighter, not wanting him to leave me. With everything going on, having someone familiar--someone from home, meant everything. I felt safe in his arms. I couldn't remember the last time I had felt safe.
"I'll see you soon," he assured me. "I promise, Evie."
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Everyone was gone at breakfast the next morning. Beron and Marzia were in the Dawn Court on business, and all the sons except for Elio and Lucien were training. There were only five of us at the table. It was my husband, my children, and Lucien.
Lucien was only six, and quite upset that his mother had left him behind. He hadn't left my side since she left.
I picked at my food, not daring to eat it. Elio had become more cruel than ever when criticizing my body. I only ever received praise anymore when I lost weight. So I'd stopped eating, desperate for any kind words I could get.
"When were you going to tell me that my family is dead?" I finally asked, having been working up the courage all morning.
I watched as my husband and children froze. Elio, with a subtle clearing of his throat, lifted his gaze towards me, his eyes brimming with surprise.
"I wasn't sure you'd even care," was all he had to say.
"I wouldn't care that my family died?" I demanded, getting to my feet abruptly.
"You never see them."
"They're still my family," I said quietly. I turned to face the twins, who wouldn't meet my gaze. "You two knew? And you said nothing to me?"
They both risked nervous glances at their father, who was giving them a challenging look. It was enough for me to understand he'd threatened them into silence.
"What did you tell them?" I demanded, snarling at Elio.
"Nothing," Elio lied to me.
"He told us if we said anything, he'd hurt you," Gideon blurted, staring at his plate.
Elio rose swiftly, his face contorted with rage. A cacophony ensued as Elio yelled at Gideon, with both father and son locked in a heated exchange. Diana wasted no time leaping to her brother's defense. Their arguments flew too swiftly, a torrent of words that melded into incomprehensibility.
Usually, Lucien was unphased by arguments. His father didn't bother to hide the cruel way he treated his wife from their children. Lucien was so used to witnessing the screaming and hitting. But now, he was reduced to tears in the chair beside me. I sighed, sweeping him up in my arms and comforting him.
"I'm sick of this!" Diana exploded, turning to me. "He treats you like shit! Why do you put up with it?"
Elio's hand came down on the table with a thunderous slam, his fingers curling around his plate in a grip of fury before he hurled it to the floor. We all flinch, the shattering scaring all of us into silence.
Elio took a deep breath as we all stared at him, none of us daring to make a sound. Even Lucien had silenced his cries.
"I'm going out," he announced. "You will all do well to fix your behavior before I get back."
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A week passed, all of us walking on eggshells to not upset Elio. He'd been on edge, erupting at the slightest annoyance.
I had yet to hear anything from my family, but I trusted them. I knew they were doing all they could to get me home. It would be difficult without Beron's consent.
That afternoon, I stepped into the throne room, Elio's hand in mine. It wasn't the sweet gesture it used to be. He was practically dragging me.
I froze when I noticed Willem speaking with Beron. Elio groaned, dropping my hand. Willem hadn't been by the Forest House in a few years, and none of us had complained.
"What is he doing here?" Elio spat, his face twisted into a sneer.
"We're working out a trade," Willem announced. "I have news from the Spring Court that could be useful to him."
"In exchange for what?" Elio demanded. "My sister's been married off. You can't have her."
"Diana," he said simply.
The fury washed over me in a tumultuous wave, mirroring the anger that overtook my husband. Diana had managed to make it to twenty without any talk of being married off. My hope was that Elio's love for her was enough to keep her safe.
"No!" I yelled.
"Are you fucking serious?" Elio questioned at the same time. "Father, you cannot let this happen."
"She's twenty years old," Beron reminded us. "Did you not expect her to be married?"
"Marry her to someone else," Elio practically growled.
"The decision is final."
I shook my head as tears of anger welled up, threatening to spill from my eyes.
"You can't do this!" I snapped, charging at the male. Elio grabbed me, holding me back with a firm grip. I struggled to break free from his hold. "She's still a child! Please, don't make her do this!"
Beron advanced with deliberate steps, his eyes tracing the tracks of tears on my cheeks before delivering a sharp blow to my face. I cried out, my head snapping to the side.
"Control her, Elio," Beron said sternly to his son.
"Fuck you!" Elio snapped at his father. "You know how much I hate him! You know how he'll treat her!"
"I don't care how much you hate him, or how he'll treat her," Beron dismissed. "He has something useful to me, and he wants Diana in exchange. She doesn't hold any value to me. He can have her."
"You're a sick fucking piece of shit," Elio snarled. "When you're eventually slaughtered by one of your own sons, you'll have deserved it."
‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾
Elio and I retreated to our bedroom, both of us shaken up and terrified for our daughter. Willem was a disgusting, cruel male. We both knew that.
"I have a plan," I announced, pacing as he sat on our velvet loveseat.
"There's not way to get around this," he told me, burying his face in his palms. "My father has made his decision."
"I won't accept that!" I yelled, halting my restless pacing and pivoting to face him. For once, he didn't put me in my place for raising my voice at him.
"Do you think she'll accept your help?" he wondered. "You two don't get along very well."
"I know," I nearly sobbed. "I know that she hates me, and I know that she might not even listen to me, but I will not let her end up like me!" Hurt flashed in his eyes, but I didn't care.
"What's your plan?" he asked quietly.
"I'm going to contact my brother," I managed. "And then, you will winnow her to the edge of the woods where Rhys will be waiting. He will take her back to the Night Court."
Since she was an adult, and didn't yet belong to anybody, she had the right to choose what court she wanted to reside in. If she resided in the Night Court, Beron would no longer have any claim to her.
"We may never see her again," he pointed out.
"We'll never see her, anyway," I said through my tears. "I'd rather she be safe with my family than with that awful male. He's known her since she was a baby, it's disgusting. The way he talks of her, of your mother, me, your sister. He's going to treat her like his slave, not his wife."
Elio took the words in, sighing and reflecting on them for moment. Eventually, he nodded. "Fine."
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I watched my daughter sleep as I stood in the doorway. She'd grown to be so beautiful, and despite her anger towards me, I loved her so deeply. The idea of her married off to a cruel male who would treat her worse than her father treated me . . .
"Mama?"
Her eyes fluttered open as she muttered the words, seeming half asleep. I nodded, going to her side and sitting on the bed.
"Beron told me he's marrying me off to Willem," she whispered, her voice trembling. "I don't want to marry him, Mother."
"I know, baby," I managed, stroking her hair. "You won't." She sat up, wiping her eyes.
I realized she had cried herself to sleep. A pang twisted in my chest, understanding the depth of her fear. I remembered that fear very well.
"You can stop it?" she asked.
"Your father and I are going to sneak you out of the court," I explained. "And send you to live with my family."
Her eyes brimmed with fresh tears before she crumpled into my embrace, her sobs cascading onto my shoulder. I exhaled a tender sigh, wrapping her with a comforting hug and gently stroking her hair. She hadn't let me hold her like this since she was six years old.
"Will I ever see you again?"
"Of course, baby," I whispered. "You can't tell anyone, especially not your father. But my family is working on bringing me home. Gideon and I will be with you very soon, sweet girl."
She pulled back, looking up at me with wide eyes.
"I'm sorry for the way I treated you, Mama," she whispered. "I just . . . I hated seeing you hurt, and I hated you for letting it happen. I know it wasn't your fault. I'm so sorry."
"I know, my love," I promised, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "I don't blame you."
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diana's point of view
Father was going to escort me to the birder of the Autumn Court, but Mother could not join us. We shared our goodbye, our eyes brimming with tears, yet the promise she whispered the previous night lingered in the air--she and Gideon would reunite with me soon.
It was three in the morning, Father having deemed it necessary to set our plan in motion while our family slept. I had already said my goodbyes to Gideon the night before.
"You know I love you," Mother said, holding my face in her hands. I sniffled, nodding.
"I love you, too, Mama," I replied. She wrapped me in a comforting embrace.
Guilt twisted in my stomach. I was leaving her. Leaving her behind with a male who battered her nearly every night. How could I be so selfish?
In silence, my father and I treaded through the woods, making our way towards the border of the Autumn Court.
I was trying not to cry. It had been hard enough to say goodbye to my mother. My sweet mother who was treating me much better than I deserved. I had been awful to her, and she still loved me enough to risk her own safety.
I used to think she was weak. I hated her for how she let Father treat her. But through the years, I realized she was actually the strongest person I knew.
"I'm so sorry this had to happen like this, Diana," Father said beside me.
I wondered how he could love me so much, then go and hit the female that looked just like me.
"I love you," he told me. I couldn't bring myself to even look at him as we reached the border. "Rhysand will be here soon. I have to leave."
"Fine."
"No 'goodbye?'" he coaxed. I finally turned to look at him.
"If you're kinder to my mother, maybe I'll write to you," I replied coldly.
He sighed, nodding, then winnowed away without another word.
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evelina's point of view
Parting ways with my daughter had been a task of unbearable weight, despite knowing that I would soon reunite with her.
Elio had returned, and together we steeled ourselves against the Beron's inevitable fury upon discovering what we had done.
As dawn approached, and I found myself mechanically preparing breakfast, my stomach twisted with a gnawing dread.
Shouts suddenly echoed from the throne room. I quickly dried my hands, shed my apron, and moved with purpose toward the commotion.
There, I witnessed Beron shouting at Elio, who met his fury with fierce retorts. My entrance drew Beron's gaze towards me, his eyes laced with a deadly poison.
"What did you do with her?" he snarled. I exchanged a glance with my husband before turning back to the male.
"She's safe with my family," I replied. "She's a citizen of the Night Court now, and you can no longer force her to marry anyone."
Beron advanced with a ferocious intensity, but Elio stepped in front of me.
"My daughter made a decision to leave this court," Elio told him. "That was her decision. You have no claim to her anymore."
"It wasn't Diana's idea," Beron scoffed. "Your whore of a wife sent her to that court without a second thought."
"Eve did what was best for our daughter," he defended me. He hadn't defended me in years.
With a swift and decisive snap of his fingers, Beron summoned the advance of his guards. They brushed past Elio and grabbed me.
Their hands were firm and unyielding as they took hold of me, giving me no room to fight back.
"Escort her to a dungeons," Beron ordered, his tone brooking no argument.
Chapter 35
Notes:
I will be brief and vague with the violence in this chapter, just because yall have read her going through so much violence already.
Chapter Text
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‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙
The guards flung me into the dungeon, indifferent to my struggles and shrieks. I dashed towards the cell door, desperate to escape before its final closure, but the lock clicked shut just as I reached it. A cry of despair escaped me as I clutched the cold iron bars, watching the silhouette of the guards fade into the gloom.
In the dimness of my cell, I retreated to a shadowed corner. I thought of when Azriel had showed me how he'd gotten his scars within a cell much like this one. How he and Astraea survived eleven years in such captivity was beyond my comprehension.
Home had finally been within reach, and now, as the reality of my situation sank in, tears threatened to spill. I drew my knees close, mourning the freedom that had slipped through my fingers.
My thoughts turned to Elio. Would he dare to help me, or was he too closely watched by his father? The uncertainty of my fate was suffocating. Would he kill me? Or keep me alive? And if he did keep me alive, for how long?
Gideon's fate lingered in my mind; surely, he would be spared, the heir to a cruel legacy. My only solace was the hope that Elio would shield him from Beron’s abuse.
And then there was Diana, who must be anxiously awaiting our arrival. The thought of her concern gnawed at me. Could my family help me, or was I to become another lost soul within these stone walls?
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In the following hours, I was consumed by the mystery of his intentions with me. The answer began to reveal itself as the echo of footsteps approached from the corridor.
Tension clawed at my insides, making me tremble. Beron came into view. I thought of attacking him as he unlocked the door.
As if he had read my thoughts, he conjured a barrier between us. Only after securing this defense did he unlock the door and step inside, careful to relock it before dissolving the partition.
"You've lost me quite an important opportunity," Beron spoke. I stared up at him, trying to stop my body from shaking. I hated being so helpless. "The amount of faebane Willem had access to would've been helpful for us. Now, you've sent away his bride."
"She was never his bride," I said.
"Now, she never will be," he snarled. "And that's your fault."
My gaze was involuntarily drawn to an object he clutched in his grip—a whip. A sharp exhale escaped my lips as I recoiled further into the corner. He chuckled at my fear.
He advanced towards me, and I just wished I could disappear through the wall. I pressed myself against it, my eyes squeezing shut.
His hand came down to grip my forearm. I smelled burning flesh before I felt it. His hand was searing hot, leaving me shrieking as it burned a print into my arm.
He didn't seem to care; he only threw me down onto my front. I tried to crawl away, only to be kicked in the side. I cried out as his boot crunched down on my shoulder, keeping me in place.
The first strike of the whip made me scream as it tore through the back of my dress and my skin. His boot pressed down harder, and I cried out as I heard a crunch sound from my shoulder.
I tried to keep my screams down as the whipping continued, not wanting to give him the satisfaction. But it was so hard. The pain was searing.
I was left trembling on the ground when he left, blood streaming from my back to the floor. I was too weak--in took much to move. I let my sobs become loud again when he was gone.
After I had calmed down, I forced myself up, hissing in pain as I sat up. My shoulder ached, and I knew there was something wrong with it.
I vomited all over myself from the extreme pain. I whimpered, trying to scoot myself back to the wall. I couldn't rest against it anymore--not without hurting my back.
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My arm was broken. He had come back down this morning and beaten me far worse than Elio ever had. I felt when he broke my arm, but he didn't care.
Now, I was in the corner, cradling my arm to my chest as I let out shaky sobs. I had to give in and lean on the wall, trying to lean on my side to keep from hurting the wounds on my back. My face and body were marred in bruises and covered in dried blood.
As footsteps sounded from the corridor, I let out a small cry and pleaded with the Mother. But it wasn't Beron that stepped into view. It was Eris.
A sigh of relief left my lips. He didn't seem to have keys, so he just stood on the other side of my cell.
"You look terrible."
I didn't respond.
"I've contacted your family," he said. "I've explained to them what's happening."
Words escaped me in that moment, the sensation of hope mingling with disbelief. A tremor took hold of my lower lip as I gazed upon him.
"They are launching a rescue mission tomorrow night," he announced. "If any of you say a word about my involvement--"
"We won't," I promised, hope finally returning to me. "Thank you, Eris." He just nodded at me. "Gideon--"
"Is fine," he claimed. "Worried to death about you, but unharmed."
"Thank you," I whispered again, tears slipping down my cheeks.
"Just survive another 24 hours," he instructed before turning to leave. "Good luck, Eve."
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Beron paid me one more visit the next morning; a visit that left me on the brink of consciousness. I had been in this cell for three days without food or water.
My body was being tormented by dehydration; my lips were cracked, tears could no longer find their way to my eyes. A relentless throbbing inhabited my head, and overwhelming fatigue clung to me—I hadn't been able to sleep.
The muffled sounds of a conflict drifted down from above, but the agony in my head forbade any attempt to raise it for a clearer understanding. I tensed as the door at the top of the stairs creaked open.
Eris's promise echoed in my thoughts—just 24 hours. Surely, that time had passed. The echo of footsteps descending the stairs reached me, yet fear did not. I knew who it was.
Shadows, like old friends, snaked through the bars and hastened toward me, their ethereal touch positioning me upright despite the twinge it elicited.
When he appeared before my cell, my mind reeled—was he merely a figment of my desperation? The sight seemed too good to be true.
Clad in bloodstained leather, I realized he had killed his way through the guards. His eyes were filled with a murderous rage, but it calmed when they met mine.
A shadow danced into the lock, skillfully manipulating it until the mechanism yielded. The door swung open, and in an instant, he was at my side, close enough for me to see the change in him. A week had passed since our last encounter, yet the anger that now shaped his features was new, fierce.
He knelt beside me, his expression contorting as he surveyed the damage that had been inflicted upon me.
"Gods, Evie," he said quietly.
"Take me home," I whispered, my vision blurred.
His shadows enveloped me, offering solace as he gently lifted me into his arms, holding me near. A sharp intake of breath escaped me as pain flared with the motion.
"I know, I'm sorry," he said as he stood up.
One of the shadows--likely Wynn, though I couldn't tell for sure in the state I was in--was stroking my cheek.
"What-what about Gideon?" I managed, my voice hoarse.
"Cassian's taking care of it," he promised. "Don't worry. Just relax, Evie."
For the first time in decades, relaxation washed over me completely. As he ascended the stairs, I began to lose consciousness. But I had an unwavering trust in him. I held onto the certainty that upon awakening, I would find myself safely at home.
Chapter Text
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Throbbing pain echoed through my skull, a relentless drumbeat. But even with my eyes shut, I knew I was safe.
My back didn't hurt as it lay comfortably on the bed, which told me it had been healed. It felt as though all of my broken bones were mended. I carefully opened my eyes.
I was in the infirmary within the House of Wind, distinctly different from the stark, fluorescent-lit infirmary of the Forest House. Here, the room was intimate, the walls bathed in a soothing shade of blue.
"Eve?"
At the sound of my name, I shifted my gaze, focusing on the figure. Despite my blurred vision, I recognized Rhys immediately.
"How are you feeling?" he asked.
"My head hurts," I complained, my voice hoarse.
"You were severely dehydrated and malnourished," a familiar voice said from the other side of me. I turned my head seeing Madja beside me.
"I got some fluids in you with an IV," Madja went on. "But we have some water and soup ready for you now if you feel strong enough to sit up."
"Can you help me?" I asked.
With an affirming tilt of her head, she joined Rhys at my side, their combined strength guiding me into a seated position. A groan escaped my lips.
Rhys, ever attentive, raised a glass to my lips, his hands steady as I sipped the water, offering relief to my parched and tender throat.
Once the water had quenched my thirst, Rhys patiently aided me with the soup. Each spoonful settled warmly in my stomach and spread a comforting ease throughout my body.
"Mom," I said quietly, looking to my brother. "She's gone." His lips formed a tight line, and he gave a thoughtful nod of acknowledgment.
"Yeah," he whispered, tears shining in his eyes.
"I can't believe she's gone," I scoffed, shaking my head. "I wish . . . I wish I could've seen her again before she died. I wish I could've known Angelina better."
"I know," he said, nodding his head as he wiped his eyes. "Mother loved you so much. She was fighting to get you home till the day she died."
"You should be healing faster than this," Madja frowned, taking us out of our moment.
"It's my wedding ring," I admitted. "It's made with faebane."
"What?" Rhys demanded.
"All wives in the Autumn Court get wedding rings made of faebane," I explained. "It's not proper for females to use magic there. It's impossible to take it off."
"It's possible that I could mist it," he suggested.
"You can try."
His gaze was fixed intently on the ring. With a decisive flick, he snapped his fingers, but nothing happened. A sigh escaped him as his brows knitted together in frustration.
"I'll write to Helion," he decided. "I'm sure he has a spell of some sort that can help." I was sure he did. Especially with his history with Marzia.
"How's Diana adjusting?" I asked, my vision finally focusing on my twin.
"She's doing well," he said with an affirmative nod. "She's been so worried about you, though." I sighed at that, thinking of how concerned she must've been. I felt so awful.
"Where is everyone?" I wondered.
"They're all here," he assured me. "We just didn't want to overwhelm you when you woke up."
"Well, send them in," I insisted. "I miss them."
"They can come in, but you have to stay in the bed," Madja cautioned. "No getting up. You're on strict bedrest for a few days, at least."
"I'm fine," I insisted, trying to get out of bed. Rhys pushed me back down.
"Listen to Madja," he scolded me. "I'll send everyone in."
With an exasperated roll of my eyes, I slumped back into the pillows. Madja was at my side in an instant, taking my temperature, while Rhys slipped out to gather everyone.
Before Rhys could return, the twins entered the room. A wave of relief washed over me, lighting up my features at the sight of them, safe and sound.
"Mom," Diana gasped, rushing to my side. Gideon was right behind her.
"Be gentle," Madja scolded as Diana crawled into my bed and wrapped her arms around me.
"It's fine, Madja," I assured her.
My daughter clung to me tenderly, while Gideon took Rhys's recently vacated chair, placing a comforting hand upon my shoulder.
"We were so worried," Gideon said to me, his russet eyes filled with relief.
"I'm okay," I assured them. "Are you two staying here?"
"No, Uncle Rhys has a town house closer to the city," Diana explained. "We're staying there with Astraea until we find apartments for ourselves."
"Oh, but I've never lived away from you guys," I fussed.
"We'll be less than five minutes away," Gideon assured me.
The door groaned softly as the remaining members of my family entered. A hushed cry of relief escaped my lips.
Cassian had really grown, now towering over us, surpassing even Rhys and Az in height. He was buff, perhaps the most muscular male I'd ever seen. Yet, his face remained the same.
Mor and Astraea had aged gracefully, their beauty untouched by time, now carrying an air of maturity. Azriel was nowhere to be seen.
In a heartbeat, they were at my bedside, their eyes brimming with tears mirroring my own. I hadn't seen them in 33 years.
Gideon and Diana respectfully exited. Madja had to gently scold Cassian as he nearly attacked me in a bone crushing hug. Mor perched herself on the edge of the bed, her tears flowing freely. Astraea stood close, determinedly holding back her own tears.
"You're so old now," I said to Cassian, still shocked by how much he had changed.
"Hey, you're older than me," he teased, a hand on his chest.
"It's been three decades; we've all aged," Astraea reasoned, stroking my cheek lovingly.
"Oh, Raea, you haven't changed a bit," I grinned. "Still the peacemaker, I see."
"Someone has to be, with this lot," Astraea joked, scrunching her nose.
"Astraea's been the glue keeping us from falling apart completely," Mor admitted, glancing at Astraea with affection.
"I did what I could. But it wasnt the same without you, Eve," Astraea said with a sigh.
"Well, I'm home, now. What have I missed?" I asked.
"Oh, just a few decades of life, love, and drama. Where do we even start?" Mor grinned. I smiled, though a part of my heart wrenched knowing I had missed everything.
"I've missed you guys," I admitted very quietly. Mor reached over to squeeze my hand.
"We've missed you too. All of us," Astraea expressed, wiping a tear from her eye. "All your mother wanted was for you to come home. I just can't believe she isn't here to see it."
Cassian nodded, with sadness in his eyes. "We owe it to her to make up for lost time."
"Yeah, we do," I said with a slight smile. "Where's Azriel?"
"He has his hands full at the moment," Cassian said with a shrug. Astraea shot him a look, and I raised a brow.
"What's going on?" I questioned. "Where is he?"
With a shared look that passed silently between them, Rhys stepped forward with a sigh.
"He's with your husband," Rhys informed me.
My eyes widened in alarm, a sense of panic gnawing at my insides.
"What do you mean?"
"Did you really think we'd let him live after everything he did to you?" Rhys demanded, raising a brow.
"He's dead?" I snapped, sitting all the way up only to be scolded by Madja.
"No, not yet," Astraea said, her words sharp as she narrowed her eyes at Rhys.
"Where is he, now?" I demanded, my jaw clenching.
"In one of Az's cells," Mor explained. "Az is with him now. But he won't kill him. Not until you say the word."
"He's the father of my children," I reminded them. "My children who happen to be here. He can't kill him."
"The kids know where he is," Cassian said. "We talked to them about this."
"You told them their fathers being tortured?" I demanded, pinching the bridge of my nose.
"They watched him torture you for years," Astraea said gently. "He may be their father, but the love they once had for him has faded."
"I need to talk with them," I said, shaking my head. "Before anyone does anything to Elio, I need to talk with them."
"Of course," Astraea nodded, leaning down to press a kiss to my forehead.
"Won't Beron come looking for Elio?" I demanded. "And Gideon? And me?"
"I've glamoured Prythian to believe that Elio died in a horrible accident while looking for you," Rhys informed me. "As you for and Gideon . . . Beron would have to admit what he did to you in order to get you back. And since Diana is an adult who had her parents consent to move here, you did nothing wrong. Legally, he had no grounds for torturing and imprisoning you. So he'll be leaving you alone."
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Madja ushered everybody out after an hour, leaving me alone so she could tend to me. She was as tender as she'd always been.
I'd known Madja my entire life. She had delivered Rhys and me. My first memory of her was after an injury I'd sustained when I was four. Rhys and I had been learning to fly, but he was picking it up faster than I was. He had climbed to the top of the tree and jumped off, flying down. I had been jealous and copied him, trying to prove I could fly just as well as he could. I couldn't. It hadn't ended well.
Rhys had come by to bring me dinner, then I'd been left alone for the night. I had settled, trying to sleep. But I couldn't shut my brain down.
I was safe now, but I couldn't shake the memories of that horrible court. I didn't want to sleep. I was afraid of the nightmares.
I stared at the ceiling as I tried not to cry, something I'd done thousands of times in the Forest House.
The door creaked open, and I did my best to sit up. Shadows swarmed me in greeting, and my chest tightened.
"Az," I whispered, my eyes meeting his. He breezed to my side.
With him standing above me, I realized just how tall he had gotten. Being Illyrian, I was as tall as the average High Fae male. Which made Elio very insecure, as he was only an inch taller than me. But Azriel . . . he had to be at least six inches taller than me.
"You look a lot better," he observed with a sigh of relief.
"I'm still on bedrest for a few days," I grumbled as Wynn swirled around above me.
"How long were you in that cell for?" he asked me.
"Three days," I replied. "Why aren't you asleep?"
"I could ask you the same question," he shrugged, a smile playing his lips.
"I don't want to have nightmares," I admitted. He nodded, and I knew he understood. "Az, would you stay in here with me?"
"Of course," he said, sitting in the chair beside my bed. I pouted a bit. "What's wrong?"
"I think it'll be much easier for me to sleep if you were in the bed with me," I admitted, my cheeks tinted pink.
He chuckled, but relented, crawling into the bed. I sat up as he slid his wing under me. As we laid back down, I cuddled up close to him, his arms and wings wrapping around me.
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Chapter Text
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I awoke feeling safe and secure in his arms. When my eyes opened, Wynn was swirling around me. I giggled as she tickled my nose.
"Morning," I heard.
I glanced up to see Azriel wide away as he held me.
"Oh, Azzy, you should've woken me," I fussed, trying to sit up.
He pushed me back down, his arms tightening around me. I cuddled up closer to him, breathing in his scent.
"You're a cute sleeper," he teased me. "And you still snore. It's adorable."
"Shut up," I groaned, hitting his arm lightly. He just chuckled.
I felt a shadow brushing my hair behind my ear. I crinkled my nose, smiling at the sensation. I had missed this so much.
"I'd like to speak with Elio today," I mumbled into his chest.
"You can't get out of bed for another few days," he reminded me. I groaned again.
"Well, then I'd like to speak with him after I'm off of bedrest," I decided.
Before he could reply, the door opened and Madja came in, along with a glass bottle of blue liquid. Her brow raised when she saw us.
"If you could give us some privacy while I check her vitals," Madja said.
"No, let him stay," I pleaded, my grip on him tightening.
"Evelina," Madja warned.
"Fine," I grumbled, sitting up.
Azriel kissed my cheek before slipping out of the bed. I watched him leave with a frown, then turned back to Madja as she poured the liquid into a small cup for me.
"This is for the pain," she said, handing it to me.
I gulped it down, willing to do anything to get rid of the dull aching in my head. She took the glass from me and pressed the back of her hand to my forehead.
"Bedrest means refraining from all physical activity," Madja reminded me. "Even if those activities occur in the bed."
"It wasn't like that," I insisted, rolling my eyes at her.
"He truly cares for you," she observed.
"Yeah," I said softly, smiling a bit at the thought.
When the door opened again, Cassian came in with a plate of pancakes. I perked up, even as Madja groaned.
"At least give her something nutritional," Madja scolded.
"There's no fun in that," Cassian grinned, handing the plate of pancakes to me. I nodded my agreement as I took the fork and dug in.
Just one bite was enough to transport me back to that little cabin in the mountains. My eyes welled with tears as I glanced up at him.
"They taste just like Mom's," I said quietly.
"I found her recipe," he said, ruffling my hair.
It felt so wrong to be back here without her. Part of me kept expecting her to come through the doors and greet me with tears in her eyes.
"I need to go," he said. "But enjoy the pancakes. Love you, kid."
"Wait," I said as he turned to leave. I glanced at the leathers he was in. "Are you training this morning?"
"I train every morning," he said.
"Would you train me?" I asked. "And the kids?"
"Of course," he agreed with a smile.
"I really wish I had training as a kid," I explained. "Without my powers, I was completely defenseless. If I had training, I could've fought back against him. So I want training and I want my kids to train, too."
"As soon as Madja clears you, I'll train all three of you," he promised.
"Fine, just take it easy on her for the first few weeks," Madja decided. I rolled my eyes, but Cassian nodded.
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Gideon and Diana came to see me later that morning, sitting by my bedside. I realized that it was time to talk to them about their father.
"I know it's hard for you two," I acknowledged. "He's your father, and you love him."
"I want him dead," Gideon spoke up.
"Gideon!" I scolded.
"Really, Mom," he went on. "After everything he did to you, I want him dead."
"Diana, what do you think?" I asked my daughter.
She glanced down at me, eyes wide and filled with guilt. She shifted her gaze to Gideon, to the anger in his eyes.
"I hate him for what he did to you," she said. "Really, Mama, I do. It's just . . . it's not that easy for me."
"I know, baby," I assured her. "And I would never blame you if you wanted him to live."
"I . . ." she trailed off, tears in her violet eyes. "Could I have time to think it over?"
"Of course," I nodded.
"Take all the time you need, he isn't going anywhere," Rhys said from the doorway. We all turned to face him as he entered the room. "I spoke to Helion. He's coming down here in a few days to get the wedding ring off."
"Really?" I asked, perking up in relief. "Thank you, Rhys. You don't know what that means to me."
"Of course, starling," he smiled. "And Astraea's going to bring you some lunch in an hour."
"I just had pancakes," I reminded him.
"Well, you need all the sustenance you can get while you're healing," he grinned. "And Astraea's insisting that you need to eat something healthy."
"Madja said the same thing," I scoffed.
"I brought you more water," he said, placing a glass on the bedside table.
"Thanks," I chirped, sitting up.
Chapter Text
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The morning I was taken off of bedrest, Astraea and Madja had to help me to my feet. My legs were so stiff. The only time I'd been out of bed at all in the past few days was to use the restroom, and Madja had to help me walk there and back.
Astraea had helped me bathe and change into clean clothes. She'd brushed my hair out for me, as well. It felt nice to be taken care of. I had forgotten what that was like.
"Let's go get breakfast, sweetheart," she suggested. "This time, it's actually healthy."
She linked our arms so I had some support, and the two of us went down to the dining room. Only Rhys and Cassian were sitting at the table.
I sat beside Rhys as Astraea slipped into the spot next to Cassian, across from me.
"How are you feeling?" Rhys asked me.
"Better," I shrugged as I took in the food before me.
Eggs, bacon, oatmeal, and fruit. It had been a while since I'd allowed myself to indulge in full meals. With Elio always shaming me for every bite I took, I had stopped eating as much. But he was gone, so I piled some food onto my plate.
"Where is everybody?" I asked, glancing around.
"Mor took the twins to look at apartments," Rhys explained. "And Azriel is on a mission."
"You sent him on a mission my first day off of bedrest?" I demanded.
"He asked to be sent on a mission," Rhys shrugged.
"Oh," I said, feeling a bit hurt.
After Madja had sent him away that first morning, he hadn't been back to see me. I had to wonder if he was avoiding me.
"Is he seeing anyone?" I dared to ask.
The idea of him with another female made me want to vomit on the kitchen floor. Something in my chest screamed at that mere thought. He was always supposed to be mine, it seemed to say.
"No," Astraea answered. "He's never been serious with anyone."
"That's reassuring," I said sarcastically.
"Why do you care?" Cassian teased me.
"I don't need to be grilled for asking a simple question, Cassian!" I shot at him, my cheeks going pink.
I knew my feelings for him had always been obvious. But now with him seemingly avoiding me, it was a bit humiliating.
"Fine, you don't have to be such a bitch about it," Cassian joked with a chuckle.
I flinched, going quiet.
We used to use words like that against each other all of the time as teenagers. But it felt different now.
I could hear Elio's voice in my head, feel his hands on me.
"Worthless fucking bitch, I'm gonna bash your fucking face in!" His fist hit my face over and over as he screamed the words at me.
My brother was immediately in my mind, sending soothing waves to me. I remembered being a young child, maybe two, and feeling those comforting waves every time I started to cry.
I got out of my chair and went up to my room without saying a word, not even turning back as they all called my name.
I found myself storming through the hallways until I found my old bedroom. When I opened the door, I found it untouched.
It was still decorated as it had been when I was seventeen. But it seemed someone had cleaned up for me. I collapsed onto my old bed and began to sob.
There was a knock at the door, and Astraea let herself in. She stepped over to me and climbed into the bed, bringing me close to her.
Her crown of curls spiraled as pristine as the Velaris night sky. Her refined blue eyes held a comfortable, motherly gaze.
"He didn't mean it," she promised me.
"I know," I sniffled. "We used to call each other names all the time. We would laugh. He didn't know it would hurt me."
"They don't realize how much it can hurt," she said quietly. "He feels awful. He wanted to come apologize, but I advised him to give you space."
"I'm so embarrassed," I grumbled, hiding my face in her shoulder. She wrapped her arms around me, pressing a kiss to my head.
"Don't be," she sighed. "You know, when Rhys was a teenager, I caught him sneaking out. I told him to go to bed, and he called me a 'nosy cunt.' I burst into tears right in front of him."
"Really?" I asked, glancing up at her. She nodded.
"I knew he didn't mean it, but it hurt," she explained. "Hearing it from Demetri was one thing, but hearing it from someone I loved, after it had been used against me for so many years. . . it hurt."
"Hearing it from Cass made me feel like Elio was right about me," I whispered.
"Elio called you that?" she asked me, her hand reaching out to wipe my tears.
"He was awful, Raea," I confessed, glancing up at her.
"I'm sorry, my dear," she sighed, shaking her head as her sorrowful eyes met mine. "But I have good news for you."
"Really?" I asked, perking up as I sniffled.
"Helion is coming today to get that ring off of you," she said to me.
My eyes went wide, foolish hope filling my head. I couldn't even remember what it was like to have my powers. I missed magic. I missed being able to talk to people, mind to mind. I missed knowing that I could kill somebody with a single thought. While I wouldn't do it unprovoked, it was nice to know I wouldn't be defenseless.
"He'll be able to do it?"
"He says these rings were brought to his attention years ago," she explained. "He developed a process for getting them off."
"I can't go to speak with Elio until it's off," I informed her. "I'm scared of seeing him . . . and being completely defenseless."
I was scared of seeing him in general, but at least with my powers, I would be able to guarantee safety from harm.
"We're not going to let him lay a hand on you," she swore to me. "If you want to see him, one of us will be with you. And we'll make sure he can't get to you, okay?"
"Okay," I nodded, feeling a bit better. "I just don't think I can even stand to see his face."
"I understand that," she admitted quietly.
I glanced at her, guilt eating at me as I realized that I hadn't even offered my condolences for Luna.
"I'm so sorry about Luna," I said to her. Her eyes flashed with despair, but she nodded, her lips pursing.
"I miss her," she whispered. "I miss her everyday."
I pressed a kiss to her cheek, placing my hand over hers. I couldn't even imagine losing one of my children.
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Azriel's mission would apparently last a few days, which really upset me. I had to admit, the fact that he had asked for a mission on the first day I was out of bed . . . it hurt me.
I had been looking forward to seeing him the past few days, since he had left me that morning and never come back.
Had I done something wrong? Had I said something wrong? I couldn't help but ponder these questions as we waited for Helion to show up.
I knew I was pouting, my eyebrows furrowed and my arms crossed. And I knew that my twin knew better than to ask.
Since Helion couldn't come to Velaris, Rhys took me to the manor that rested above the Court of Nightmares.
It was just Rhys and me, waiting for him to arrive. I didn't want too many of them around--not when my power came back. I wasn't sure I'd be able to control it.
When Helion winnowed in, it all suddenly felt real to me. After 33 years of not having access to my magic, I was going to get it back.
Helion hadn't changed since the last time I'd seen him. Being the daughter of a High Lord, I'd met all the others as a kid.
I was lost in my thoughts as Rhys and Helion greeted each other, and I tuned them out. Rhys led him over to me.
"Hey, kid," he greeted me.
"Hello," I said with a smile.
"Well, I got the shears," he told me. "Let's sit."
I followed Helion to the sitting area, letting him sit me down as he knelt before me. I held my left hand out to him.
"Marzia told you about this?" I wondered. He glanced up, surprised at the mention of her, but then nodded.
"She told me that females in Autumn were given rings like this," he said to me. "I decided to create a type of enchanted metal that could cut through the faebane ring. And I used that metal to create these shears."
He slid the shears over and under the ring and began putting pressure on it. My ring began to slowly dissolve under the metal.
"I have Autumn females travel all the way through the Winter and Dawn Court on horseback just to get these rings off," he said to me. "I try to keep it quiet so Beron doesn't find out. But ladies talk, so it's a well known secret kept between them in Autumn."
"That's very good of you," I said quietly.
"Almost there," Helion said. A few more seconds and the ring had cracked in half. "Done."
I could feel the thrum of power in my veins, coming back to me. I gasped, my head being thrown back at the pressure.
But when the shock had worn off, I knew it was back. I immediately reached out to go into Rhys's mind. Only to find that I could just graze his mental shield, not impenetrate it.
I frowned, focusing on a book across the room. I tried to lift it with my mind and float it over to me. It raised into the air shakily, but fell after a few seconds.
"It will take a few days to get your full abilities back," Helion explained. "The faebane is likely in your bloodstream after all these years. But I had females who wore it for centuries, and got their full powers back after a week."
"Thank you," I expressed, not able to stop myself from jumping into his arms and embracing him.
"It was no problem, kid," he assured me, rubbing circles on my back.
"No, truly, thank you," I said as I pulled back to look at him. "You have no idea how much this means to me."
"As I said, it was no problem."
Chapter Text
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In just a few days, I had access to my full power again. It was exhilarating, and I'd been using it for every little thing, even if I didn't need magic to do it. I felt like a child again, just learning to use it for the first time.
I had even been able to summon my wings, and I hadn't put them back since. I'd gone flying with Rhys, Astraea, and Cassian the night before. But not Azriel, as he was still avoiding me.
He'd gotten back from his mission, but he wouldn't be alone with me. And he only spoke to me when he needed to. I was confused, hurt, and angry at him.
I was tempted to go into his mind and discover what I had done wrong, but I would never violate him like that.
That morning, I was in my room, thinking of what to wear tonight. Rhys was throwing me a party in the Court of Nightmares to formally welcome me home. I wasn't sure I could face Keir without killing him for what he did to my cousin, but I would have to try. That kill was reserved for Mor, I knew that.
My anger towards him bubbled up in me, and before I realized what I was doing, I had misted the small pillow that I had been floating above my head. I groaned as I was showered in feathers.
A knock on the door pulled me from my irritation. I called for them to come in, and I was greeted with Azriel.
He raised a brow at the feathers I was covered in, but didn't ask any questions as he stepped into the room. His shadows rushed to greet me, and I grinned at them, cooing hellos.
"Would you still like to speak to Elio?" he asked me.
"Yes," I said, sitting up. "And I'd like to go to Town House to see the twins after."
"That's fine," he said with a simple shrug. "I'll bring you to both."
"Really?" I scoffed, glancing up at him. "That won't be too much time alone with me?"
"What's that supposed to mean?" he demanded, brows furrowing.
"Why have you been avoiding me?" I demanded, crossing my arms even as Blake weaved around them.
"I haven't," he claimed.
"You went on a mission the day I got off bedrest, and in the days you have been home, you've barely spoken to me."
"I'm speaking to you, now."
I gave him an unamused look and he sighed.
"It doesn't matter," he said. I went to argue, but he shook his head at me. "We'll discuss it later. For now, I'll take you to see your husband."
"Please don't call him that," I mumbled.
He was not my husband anymore--hadn't been for a long time. Not in the ways that mattered, anyway.
"Very well," he agreed. "Are you ready, now?"
"I suppose," I sighed, getting to my feet.
I went to my closet to get a pair of shoes on. A pair I could run in--fight in if necessary. I ignored that feeling in my chest that told me not to go near Elio. I wanted so badly to listen to it, but I knew I had to face him. At least one more time.
I took a deep breath before emerging from my closet. I held out a hand to Azriel without saying a word. I had to prepare myself to see Elio. I had to block out my emotions and go somewhere far, far away. Azriel took my hand, and his shadows winnowed us away.
When we materialized, we were in a dim, dark hallway. I glanced around, my eyes adjusting. I still didn't speak, but I didn't take a single step, either. Even as Azriel began to walk.
He halted, turning back to me with furrowed brows when he realized I hadn't been following him. He stepped back over to me.
"You don't have to do this," he assured me.
"I need to," I replied.
"I understand," he said to me.
He took my hand in his and looked at me. I nodded at him, then took a step forward. He took me down the hall to a door. He unlocked it, and we stepped inside.
The cell reminded me of the one I'd spent three days in. It reminded me of the one I'd seen in one of Azriel's memories. I wondered if it was hard for him to work in a place so similar to the one he'd been locked in for eleven years.
In the corner, Elio was chained up. I let loose a breath of relief. He couldn't hurt me. He could barely move.
He looked truly awful, completely bruised and bloody. I had to admit, after the torture he had put me through, it was a bit nice to see him battered for once.
"Evelina," he greeted me, a smirk spreading across his features. I just stared at him, my face expressionless. "You don't look so well."
"Funny, I could say the same of you," I replied, my grip on Azriel's hand tightening. He looked me up and down.
"Green was never your color," he said to me. "Katina always said so."
I glanced down at my green dress, my cheeks flushing a bit. The mention of Katina made me want to go back to my room and cry.
"I always forget you're Illyrian," he said, cringing at the word as he noted my wings. "That may be why I became so repulsed by you over the years."
My face burned red, but Azriel's thumb stroked the back of my hand, his presence grounding me.
Elio's eyes caught on Azriel's hand in mine. He grinned, glancing up at the shadowsinger beside me.
"She's all yours," Elio said to him. "Trust me, after a few years, you'll want to return her. She's an alcoholic whore who bitches and whines about everything. And it looks like she's already gaining weight, too."
I had been a fool to think I was safe from harm with Az with me. Even if he couldn't touch me, all Elio needed was his words to wound me deeply. And the asshole knew it, too.
Azriel snarled, advancing on the male. He took out his dagger and knelt before Elio. I didn't stop him. Elio struggled against his restraints, but it was no use.
Azriel lifted the blade above his head and brought it down hard into Elio's thigh. His cries of pain were almost therapeutic. Elio had hurt me until I was shrieking, sobbing, and begging. And he'd never shown me mercy. So I wouldn't give him mercy, either.
Elio was a shuddering, crying mess when Azriel rose to his feet. He stepped back over to me, noticing how I had shut down after what Elio had said.
"It's okay, Evie," Az murmured to me.
"Yes, it'll all be fine, Evie," Elio mocked me, even through his pain.
I tensed, glaring at him. Nobody called me that except for Az. I'd yelled at both of my brothers for calling me 'Evie' many times. It was reserved for Azriel alone, just as I was the only one allowed to call him 'Azzy.' It had been like that since we first met. I wouldn't let Elio ruin that for me.
"You don't get to call me that," I said to him. "And if you do it again . . . well just remember that I'm a daemeti, and I can make your death very slow and painful. I can string it out for years if I want to. So just be careful how you speak to me."
"You don't have your powers," he recalled, seething from the pain.
I bit back my fear and took a step forward. I took step after step until I was standing right in front of him. I ignored my pounding heart and held my left hand out to him, showing him that the ring was gone. His eyes went wide.
"I'm going to visit our children, now," I said to him. "No, sorry, let me correct myself. My children. Neither of them want anything to do with you, anymore."
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Azriel and I flew to the Town House, neither of us speaking the entire time. I was going numb again, trying so hard not to let Elio's cruel words get to me.
When we arrived, I had silent tears streaming down my face. I was proud of myself for not crying in front of Elio. I had fully expected to.
"Mom?" Gideon greeted as I entered through the front door.
Azriel let me go in alone, knowing I would want to be alone with my kids. But Wynn stayed by my side, floating beside me.
"Hey, sweetheart," I said quietly, wiping my eyes as I made my way to the kitchen.
Gideon followed me there, and Diana was already cooking some breakfast. Marzia and I had been made to teach her to cook when she was eight.
But I wasn't interested in the food. I made my way to the liquor cabinet and got out a bottle of wine. I didn't even bother to pour a glass. I just opened it and drank straight from the bottle. I saw my kids exchange a concerned glance.
"Are you okay, Mom?" Gideon asked me.
"I'm fine, love," I lied, sitting at the table.
"You're crying," he observed.
"I saw your father," I confessed before taking another swig.
"There's a party for you, tonight," Gidoen reminded me, reaching for the bottle. I lifted it away from him. "Mom, you need to be sober for the party. You can drink there."
"I can handle myself," I said to him.
"Please, Mom," he begged me, his eyes filled with desperation and concern.
I saw then, just how worried he was about me. I sighed, taking one more sip before handing the bottle to him.
"Did he hurt you?" Diana asked me. I shook my head.
"He's chained up," I explained. "But he had some very cruel things to say."
"I'm sorry, Mama," she said, coming to my side.
She leaned down and kissed my cheek. I smiled gratefully at her, though I knew it didn't reach my eyes.
"What are you wearing to the party?" I asked her, desperate to change the subject. She grinned, perking up.
"Come on, I'll show you."
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It felt so good to have my wings out again. It also felt strange, almost painful, after they'd been kept away for so long.
I spent most of the night dancing with Azriel, and I realized how much I had missed him. Wynn was wrapped around my wrist, refusing to let me go.
"How are you feeling?" he asked.
"A lot better," I faltered, baring my eyes into the floor. He lifted my chin with his forefinger.
"You know you can't lie to me, Evie," he chuckled with an amused smile.
"I'm not lying," I lied, shaking my head quickly.
"I forgot how stubborn you are," he scoffed. I chuckled slightly as we continued dancing.
"Are you okay?" I asked.
"No," he replied with a shrug. "I keep thinking about the scars he left--"
"He won't hurt me again."
"Diana, when she first came here, cried every night because she felt so guilty about leaving you behind," he admitted to me.
"She did?" I asked, feeling a stab of guilt.
"She told us about her father and how terrible he was to you," he explained. "And I was really worried that he would kill you."
"Well, he didn't," I tried to say with a fake smile.
His lower lip quivered slightly, but he bit down on it and got his emotions under control.
"I don't know what I would have done if..." he trailed off as his voice broke, his eyes blinking back tears.
"Azzy, please, it's okay," I cut him off. He uttered a soft apology.
"Can I cut in?" I heard.
We turned to see Rhys standing there. Az nodded and stepped away, even as I sent him a concerned glance. Though, Wynn stayed wrapped around my wrist. I sighed, letting my brother take my hand and put the other on my waist.
"I need some wine," I said to him with a deep sigh.
"You truly are a plastered princess, through-and-through," my brother snickered.
"You heard about that?" I groaned, my face turning red. "I thought that was just a rumor in Autumn."
"No, all of Prythian has heard about it," he teased me. "And knowing you, I truly doubt it was just a rumor."
I groaned at that, turning my head as I noticed my daughter standing alone. Gideon, always a charmer, had found a pretty female to dance with. But Diana was standing there, fidgeting as she glanced around awkwardly.
I excused myself and went to her, putting a hand on her shoulder. She startled, her eyes shooting to mine.
"Dance with me," I suggested.
She smiled, taking my hand as I led her onto the dance floor. I reached out and stroked her cheek, as I placed my other hand on her shoulder. She sniffled, tears welling up in her violet eyes.
"Oh, Di," I sighed, wiping the tears from her eyes. "No tears, my love."
"I'm sorry," she said quietly. "Mama, I despise myself for the way I treated you."
The words hit me to my very core. I blinked back tears, and continued to wipe the ones that fell from her eyes.
"Never say that, Diana," I begged her. "You are my perfect, little girl and I love you so much."
"I know and I don't deserve it," she said through her tears. "I treated you horribly, Mother. I was so awful to you, and you still loved me. You still did everything you could to keep me from being married off."
"Baby, I don't blame you for that," I promised her. "You and Gideon were raised in an awful place. I can't even imagine the trauma that you two hold from those years."
"Gideon never treated you the way I did."
"Gideon didn't have to live with the fear that he would end up like me," I pointed out. She glanced at me, guilt in her eyes.
"When I was a kid, I saw how Father treated you, and how you just had to put up with it. And it was the same with Grandmother. I was so scared I would end up in a marriage like that," she confessed. "I would have if you hadn't saved me."
"You don't have to feel any guilt for that, Di," I promised her. "I understand."
She nodded and I hugged her, holding her close as she hid her face in my shoulder. I stroked her hair.
"The first time he hit me, I was terrified," I admitted to her. "I felt so alone those years after, when I no longer felt safe with him. But then I had you two. You and Gideon saved me, and I will never stop being grateful for you guys."
She smiled sadly as she pulled away from me.
"Princess," a voice pulled me from the moment I was sharing with my daughter. I turned to see a lesser fae with a glass of wine. "The High Lord said you wanted wine."
"Yes, thank you," I smiled, taking the glass from him. He left us, and I took a sip.
I glanced over at Gideon who was whispering in the female's ear. She blushed, giggling at him. I rolled my eyes at my son. He reminded me so much of Rhys, sometimes.
I took another sip of my wine, and frowned. My head was feeling strange. Light. Diana furrowed her brows.
"Mother, are you okay?" she asked me.
"I . . . I need to sit down," I said to her. She took my arm and led me off of the dance floor. "Di, get your Uncle Rhys."
"And leave you alone?"
"Just go," I begged.
She went off, but as soon as I had lost someone to hold on to, I collapsed on the floor, my vision going black.
Chapter Text
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A groan escaped from my lips the moment I returned to consciousness.
"I'm not going on bedrest again," I grumbled before even opening my eyes.
An unamused hum sounded from Madja just prior to my eyes fluttering open. I felt just fine--if not a bit tired.
"No need for bedrest this time," she relented with a sigh. "We got the poison out of your system in time."
"Poison?" I repeated, my body snapping up to a sitting position. She nodded, placing a pillow behind my back for support.
"The High Lord found who did it; he's taking care of them now," she explained.
She handed me a glass of water. I began to drink, hoping it would take care of the dull ache in my head.
I contemplated what she had just told me as I drank. Who could possibly want me dead? Was this Beron's sick form of revenge?
"Are you awake?" I heard in my head.
"Yes," I replied to my twin. "Come here."
"On my way."
It only took another second for Rhys to winnow into the infirmary. My eyes went a bit wide as they were met took with his blood-covered figure.
"Two males and a female," he explained to me, wiping blood from his face. "All Autumn Court. All sent by Beron."
"I told you he wouldn't let it go so easily," I scoffed, shaking my head as I leaned against the pillows Madja had set behind me.
"Don't worry; we're calling a High Lord meeting," he told me. "Confronting him in front of the other High Lords will set him straight. He knows that the other High Lords adore you; they've known you since you were a baby."
They'd known both me and Rhys since we were babies. At least, all except the very new ones. All Princes and Princesses were dragged to meetings, events, balls. So I was very familiar with the other families in power of their own Courts.
"And until then?"
"You don't leave Velaris until this is settled," he instructed. "He can't get into Velaris; no one outside knows it exists. So no more Hewn City. No leaving Velaris at all."
"I can live with that," I sighed, aware that it would only be for a week, at most.
"We killed the males," he recounted. "But the female . . . she claims to know you--said she wants to speak with you. I dug through her mind, and you knew her. You both just seem to hate each other."
"Katina," I said quietly. He nodded. "I knew she hated me, but I didn't think she wanted me dead."
"She thinks you're responsible for Elio's death," he explained.
"And she wants to speak with me?" I asked. Another nod. "Then take me to her."
He glanced to Madja for confirmation, and she nodded, saying I was fine to go. I was just grateful I didn't have to spend another three days in bed.
My brother helped me out of the bed, and the two of us winnowed away. Into that dungeon Azriel had taken me into before.
This time, he led me towards a different cell. One directly next to Elio's. I had been trying to forget my last interaction with the male--the insults he'd thrown at me, the shame I had felt. But seeing true fear in his eyes when I threatened him had made it worth it.
Katina was on the floor of the cell, wearing a Night Court fashion dress, likely to fit in at the party. Her hair had been glamoured black, so she would be overlooked. She was sobbing into her hands, Azriel and Cassian watching her from the side of the cell.
"Eve," she gasped as I neared her. "Please don't let them hurt me, Eve."
She clutched onto my skirt as she stared up at me, her eyes pleading. I kicked her off of me, and she landed on the ground with a cry of pain.
"Are you really asking me to show you mercy?" I asked, my voice terrifyingly calm. "Really, Katina?"
"I know I was unfair to you, I'm sorry," she cried.
"Unfair?" I repeated, violence laced in my voice. "Is that what you call it? You fucked my husband for decades and insulted me every chance you got. You threw a fit when he got me pregnant. You laughed in my face when he hit me in front of you. You mocked me when you found out he was forcing me. You were so much more than unfair, Katina. You were cruel."
"I'm sorry," she blubbered.
I felt no pity for her, just as she had felt no pity for me when she knew I was suffering at the hands of my husband.
"You wanted me dead; I should want nothing less for you," I scoffed at her.
"You killed Elio," she wailed, glaring up at me. "You took him from me."
"He's alive," I informed her. Her eyes lit up with hope. "He's in the cell right next to yours. Maybe he'll hear your screams when they kill you."
She began to sob and beg incoherently. But I had no tuned it out, sighing and turning to face the males that stood there.
"Do whatever the fuck you want," I said to the males. "The more she suffers, the better."
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I desperately needed a distraction the next night. Rhys confirmed that they had killed Katina, after torturing her. I was satisfied with that. I had felt no pity, no guilt. Not after how heartless she had been to me.
She had the potential to be so much more. If only she had taken my side when she found out I was being abused by the male she loved. I would've never allowed anyone I loved to hurt someone like he hurt me. But she chose him, and she tormented me for the things he did.
Part of me wanted to go to Elio's cell and taunt him with the fact that his love was dead. But I was nearly positive Azriel had already done that.
When I expressed to my cousin the need for a distraction, she practically dragged me to a new bar in Velaris, insisting that it was the best she'd ever been to.
I sat with Azriel by my side, Mor and Cassian across from us. It was strange being out with them again. It had been decades. I had invited the kids, but Diana wanted to stay in, and Gideon had a date with that female from the party.
"She'll have whiskey mixed with sweet vermouth and cherry garnish," Azriel ordered for me. My eyes widened as I turned to him.
"You remember?" I asked, a smile creeping onto my face. "We haven't had drinks together since we were teenagers."
"Of course I remember," he shrugged. "It was always so specific."
I decided then and there that I would let loose tonight. Like I used to with Eden. Even if it had gotten me the title of the 'Plastered Princess.'
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Azriel had to walk me home that night, both of us knowing very well that I would throw up everywhere if we flew or winnowed.
My arm was draped around his shoulder for support, and his shadows were all over me, constantly checking me over to make sure I was okay.
"I haven't seen you this drunk since you were 16," he snorted.
"I'm not drunk," I slurred my speech, not even fooling myself with the obvious lie.
I stumbled slightly, giggling as I leaned into Azriel's side. My cheeks were flushed, and my laughter bubbled up easily. One shadow--possibly Blake, but I couldn't tell in my state--helped me back to my feet.
"Careful," Azriel scolded, wrapping his arm around my waist to steady me.
"I'm fine, Azzy," I grinned up at him. "Just enjoying the walk . . . and your company."
As we approached the town house, my steps faltered, and I put more of my weight against him as my stomach turned a bit.
"Are you okay?" Azriel asked, concern lacing his voice. His shadows seemed to panic, though their rushing around me only made me feel more sick.
I nodded, though my movements were sluggish. "Yeah, just a bit woozy."
"Come on, let's get you inside before you fall asleep on the sidewalk," he chuckled.
Together, we made our way up the steps to the house, him supporting me every step of the way. As we reached the door, I turned to him, my eyes soft with affection.
"Thanks for taking care of me, Az," I said, my voice barely above a whisper.
He smiled, brushing a strand of hair away from my face.
"Always," he replied.
I went to go on, to tell him how much he truly meant to me. To tell him how frustrated I was that he hadn't made any advances. But before I could, my stomach turned again.
I vomited all over the doorstep.
"Shit," Azriel uttered, his hands pulling my hair back as I emptied my stomach out in front of the door.
"M’sorry," I slurred before coughing the rest of the bile out of my throat.
The front door opened, and a disappointed sigh had me glancing up, shame filling my eyes. Astraea raised a brow at us, her arms crossed.
"She drank a bit too much," Azriel explained to his older sister.
"I can see that," she replied, shooting him a sharp look. "I'll get her in the tub."
Chapter Text
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Rhys and I hadn't had much time alone since I had gotten back. But we cherished moments when it was just the two of us. We were the only immediate family we had left, and sometimes we needed to grieve together, in private.
Other times, he would do paperwork at his desk while I sat in the reclining, cozy chair that sat in the corner of his office. I would knit while he worked, neither of us speaking. Just finding solace in the others company.
I had taken up knitting as a pass-time when I was pregnant. It was a distraction from the reality of my marriage, but it was also nice to knit things for the children.
Azriel was off on a mission in Windhaven, but he had left a shadow--Wynn--with me. She was perched on the arm of the chair, not bothering me as I knit.
Rhys and I hadn't spoken in over an hour, both of us emersed in our work. But it was nice just knowing I was with my brother. A year ago, I wouldn't have ever imagined I would be get to come home.
Wynn began stirring beside me. I sighed, setting my things on my lap and glancing at her.
"What's wrong, Wynnie?" I asked with a hint of annoyance. She wrapped around my wrist, tugging me out of the chair. "Wynn!"
"What is it?" Rhys asked, glancing up from his work.
I didn't answer as Wynn continued to swirl around, as though she was trying to tell me something.
"Is he okay?" I demanded, anxiety pooling in my chest, making it hard to breathe. She shook side to side. "Where is he?"
"What's going on?" Rhys repeated, irritation laced in his tone.
"It's Azriel," I explained, my eyes wide as they met my twin's. "I need to go help him!"
"No, stay here," he instructed. "I'll find him."
"He needs my help!" I yelled, my chest screaming at me to find him. "Wynn, take me to him."
"Eve, no," Rhys snarled at me, stepping out from behind his desk and advancing towards me. "You aren't to leave Velaris until this—"
I knew his shadows could winnow him, but I wasn't sure if just one could. She began to swirl around me, faster than I'd ever seen her move.
We were gone as Rhys yelled at me to stay.
We arrived in the Illyrian mountains, my eyes squinting against the light. I heard the commotion before I saw it. Up the hill, it was him against at least twelve Illyrian males.
He wasn't going to win this fight. From the way he was limping, I could tell that he was already injured.
While I hadn't been physically trained, my father had begun training my powers at a young age.
In theory, I knew how to crush someone's mind. But I wasn't experienced enough to crush all of their minds at once, and I had no time to do it individually.
I thought of misting. I had never misted a person before. Just food and training dummies.
But I remembered the time my father set up rows of training dummies, and stood amongst them. He had instructed me to mist all the dummies and spare him. I had been in hysterics, terrified of accidentally killing my father. But he had been confident in my abilities, and I had managed to complete the task.
Before I could create a plan, I noticed one of them sneaking behind Azriel with a sword. In a panic, I winnowed to the scene, right between them.
The blade sliced my cheek, causing me to wince, but when they both realized I was there, he raised his sword higher.
"Evie!" Az shouted, his voice a mix of shock and warning.
Azriel pushed me out of the way, but in his distraction, another blade sank into his shoulder. He cried out, and I found the mind of the male that did it.
I could feel it in my grasp. I'd never held anyone's mind like this before, but I knew without a doubt the power I held over him.
Without thinking, I crushed his mind.
He froze, his body shuddering as blood pooled out of his eyes, ears, nose, and mouth. He collapsed to the ground, but the rest of the males were still attacking, and Azriel had been fighting them off.
I had to mist them.
I had no other choice.
I remembered how I had focused on the dummies and deliberately avoided my father. I did the same now, and before I had time to overthink it, I snapped my fingers.
Blood sprayed everywhere, coating both Azriel and me. I shrieked, shielding my face as the warm substance covered me.
When I had wiped the blood from my eyes, I opened them, seeing nothing but blood soaked snow.
And Azriel.
Before I could speak up, Rhys winnowed in beside us, his face contorted in fury. He stormed towards me, and I didn't do anything to stop him. He gripped my arm and winnowed us away.
We arrived at the edge of the House of Wind. He took me in his arms, flying us to the top. He didn't take care to be gentle as we free fell onto the balcony.
Azriel landed beside us just a moment later, covered in blood, his face twisted with worry, even in his condition.
Madja was by Azriel's side in an instant. I stayed silent as she took Azriel away, no matter how much I wanted to go with him and not leave his side as he rested in the infirmary.
"What the fuck were you thinking?" Rhys yelled when we were at last alone. I flinched, taking a step away from him. "You could've been killed!"
I backed up, but he kept advancing on me, getting closer as I tried to get away. My back hit the wall and tears formed in my eyes as I realized I was trapped.
"I'm sorry," I managed, my eyes squeezing shut, my breathing coming too fast. "I was just trying to help."
"Do you have any idea what could've happened?" he demanded. "You should've known better!"
"I'm sorry--"
"You're sorry?" he scoffed. "We just got you back, and now you are going to go and fucking kill yourself!"
"I'm not--"
"What did I tell you about leaving Velaris until this blows over?" he snapped at me. "You were completely vulnerable—"
"Please stop yelling, you're scaring me," I sobbed, my words a pathetic whimper as I sank to the floor.
The anger fell from my brother's face. He took a deep breath, staring down at me as I drew my knees to my chest and sobbed into them.
"Eve—" Rhys began gently, kneeling down and reaching for me. I flinched away.
"Leave me alone," was all I could say through my cries.
He was wise enough not to reach for me again, even as I struggled to breathe through my sobs.
A pair of footsteps sounded through the hallway, then a concerned gasp.
"What is going on?" Astraea demanded, rushing to my side.
"She—"
"Get away from her," she instructed, shooing him away.
Rhys glanced at me in defeat, sighed, and got to his feet. Astraea knelt before me, careful not to touch me.
"Can you breathe for me?" she asked gently, careful not to touch me. I couldn't even speak.
I tried to take a deep breath, but I felt as if no air was getting to my lungs.
"Hey, look at me," she went on. I raised my head with difficulty, locking eyes with her. She carefully took both of my hands in hers. "Breathe with me."
She took deep breaths and I did my best to mimic them. Focusing on that made my tears stop, and distracted me from my panic.
"Do you want to go to your room?" she asked softly. I managed to nod.
She helped me to my feet and led me to my bedroom, leaving my brother standing alone in the entryway.
I rested my rest on her shoulder, letting her lead the way until we got to my bedroom.
She brought me to the bed and helped me onto it. Once I was sitting up, she took my face in her hands and planted a kiss on my forehead.
"Why do I keep freaking out like this?" I demanded when I finally regained my voice.
"It happens," she assured, gently stroking my hair back.
"Not to you," I scoffed.
I felt so ashamed. I couldn't be yelled at, couldn't even be jokingly called a 'bitch' without panicking. It was pathetic.
"It does happen to me," she sighed, sitting down on the edge of the bed. "I just had to learn to hide it early."
"How did you do that?" I wondered, glancing at her.
"I don't know," she admitted. "I didn't really have a choice. I was only ten when it started, but I was also all my brother had. He had no idea what was happening to me, and I couldn't break in front of him. And I didn't get comfort from my mother, because it was easier for her to pretend nothing was happening to me than it was so face the fact that she had failed me. So I had no choice but to hide and mask my panic, my tears, and my nightmares."
"What about after you were rescued?" I asked, my brows furrowing. She'd never broken in front of me. Even when I was a child.
"The boys still didn't know what I went through until just a decade ago," she recalled. "So I kept hiding it. Your mother saw me break, though. She was the only one I allowed myself to break in front of."
"I wish she could comfort me now," I said quietly, staring at my lap.
"I know, Eve," she said sadly, her eyes filled with sorrow at the memory of the female that had taken her in. "Come on; get some rest, love."
"I can't sleep until I know Azriel is okay," I declined, shaking my head.
"He will be fine; he's suffered much worse," Astraea assured me. "Now, go to sleep."
‧‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾
When I awoke, I was groggy, but aware enough to notice the figure sitting beside my bed. I groaned, rolling over to face my brother.
"Hey," he said quietly, his violet eyes a mess of guilt.
"Go away," I grumbled.
"Can I at least apologize first?" my twin asked. I scoffed, rolling my eyes at him. "I am sorry, Eve."
"You were a prick," I glared.
"Yes, I was," he agreed with a nod. "And you have every right to be furious with me."
"Good. I am."
"But at least let me say I'm sorry."
"You already have. Now leave."
"Eve," he pleaded, desperation in his tone. It was enough to make me sigh, and sit up, ready to properly listen to my brother.
"What?" I asked sharply.
"I know that you love Az, and I know you wanted to save him," he said. "But you are my sister. And I can't have you putting yourself in that kind of danger."
"You let the rest of our family put themselves in danger," I pointed out.
"But I just got you back," he said. "And I just lost our mother and Angelina. I can't lose you, too."
I let out an exasperated sigh, but I knew where he was coming from. I was terrified to lose him, as well. Especially now that we'd lost the rest of our family.
I couldn't imagine the guilt he felt over Mother and Angelina. He'd blame himself, too, if he lost me. And he would never forgive himself.
"Just . . . please don't ever yell at me like that again, Rhys," I whispered. "It's--it's really hard for me. You don't understand."
"I know, Eve, I'm so sorry," he assured as he held his arms out.
I allowed him to embrace me as I let my tears go, crying into his chest as he held me. He reached out to my mind and sent soothing waves over it, just as he did when I cried as a child.
‧‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾
Rhys held me like that for an hour, until he got the news that Azriel was alright. He went down to get the report from him about the Illyrians I had killed.
He'd yet to confront me about misting all of them. I was shocked I'd been able to pull it off. But it hadn't turned into pride. Not yet, at least.
After half an hour, I assumed Rhys was done with his questioning and made my way downstairs. I wanted to check on Azriel for myself.
I saw Cassian, Azriel, and Astraea gathered in the sitting room, drinking wine. But before I could enter, Cassian declared, "She's been acting so strange." I froze, ducking behind the wall to listen.
"If Rhys had yelled at her like that when we were teenagers, she would've yelled right back," Azriel scoffed. "She would've stood her ground and defended herself."
"If I had called her a bitch when we were teenagers, she would've laughed and called me an asshole," Cassian mumbled.
"Well, she isn't a teenager anymore," Astraea snapped at them. "Do you have any idea what she's gone through? Why do you think she didn't stand her ground and defend herself, Az?"
"She knows Rhys wouldn't hit her," Az debated.
"He was yelling at her," Astraea snipped. "She was trying to get away from him, and he cornered her."
"None of us would ever hurt her," Azriel reminded his sister.
"No, but he scared her," Astraea pointed out. "And when people who have been through what she's been through are scared like that, they can't always control their reactions. I would know." Her voice broke with the last three words in a way that broke my heart.
"She isn't easily phased," Az recalled.
"No, she didn't used to be," Astraea argued. "But the things she went through—she's lucky to be alive. It changed her, and you all have to accept that."
I couldn't help but be hurt by their words. It wasn't my fault that I reacted the way I did. It just didn't seem fair for them to hold it against me.
I wondered if that was why Azriel hadn't pursued me since I'd gotten back. Did he not like the way I was now? Could he not handle my damage? Had Elio really broken me so badly that even Azriel couldn't stand to love me?
I got back to my bedroom before the tears started again.
Chapter Text
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I hadn't yet confronted Azriel or Cassian about the conversation I had overheard, but I had been avoiding them.
I'd spent most of the last week with the twins--who had found apartments for themselves--and Astraea or Mor. I spent time with Rhys when I could, but he was very busy.
Now, I was eating breakfast alone with Astraea, a breakfast she had made for me. Just the two of us. Nobody understood me like she did. I felt so safe, so free from judgement around her.
I'd spent the last week miserable, so upset that Azriel had said those things behind my back. I loved him so much, and he just saw me as some pathetic, damaged thing. What had changed? What made him lose the feelings he had so obviously had for me?
"Am I as pretty as I used to be?" I blurted.
Astraea froze from across the table, staring at me with raised brows. She set her fork down, swallowing her mouthful of eggs.
"What?" was all she said.
"Am I still pretty?" I asked.
"Of course you are," she insisted, rolling her blue eyes as she went to scoop more eggs onto her fork.
"I've been back for a while and Azriel hasn't pursued me," I explained. "He wrote me letters that hinted at romance. He came to visit twice when he was spying in Autumn, and he kissed me twice. Now, he's acting like none of that happened."
"Eve," Astraea said, raising a brow. "Ever since you left, he has wallowed and desperately pined for you. It's obvious to everyone. He loves you, but he's giving you space."
"I don't want space. I want him," I objected.
"You just got out of a very long and abusive marriage," she reminded me. "You had two children with this male. It's fair for Azriel to assume you need time to recover."
"What if he is what I need to recover?" I asked, picking at the food on my plate that I had yet to eat.
"Then tell him," she said softly.
"What if he doesn't want me anymore?" I dared to utter, the fear of that reality gnawing at me.
"I don't think that's possible," she assured.
"I heard the things he said," I admitted, unable to meet her eyes. "I heard him complaining about what happened with Rhys and me."
Astraea sighed at my confession, getting out of her chair. She breezed to my side, her hand resting on my shoulder.
"The boys are idiots who expected you to be the same person you were when you were 17," she said to me. "They aren't disappointed, and they don't love you any less. They're just getting used to the change."
"I'm still getting used to the change, too," I said quietly. "I feel weak and useless."
"Well, I have some good news, then," she smiled, sitting in the chair beside me. "They boys are ready to train you and the twins. The twins started their training with Rhys this morning, and you can start with Az this afternoon."
"Why can't I just train with Rhys and the twins?" I grumbled.
"Because the twins have powers they need trained," she explained. "And Rhys is better suited for that than Cass and Az."
"Well, can Cassian train me, then?"
"He doesn't get back from Windhaven until just before dinner," she said. "But if you don't want to--"
"No, it's fine," I assured her. "I can do it."
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Azriel was driving me insane.
Throughout the entirety of our training session, he had barely looked me in the eyes. Which sucked, because he had forgone a shirt and was only wearing incredibly tight training pants.
But it felt nice to train. He had helped me through some strengthening and flexibility exercises. He also did some gentle sparring with me.
By the end of the session, he lead me to the punching bags, where he taught me proper technique for punching.
"Don't twist like that," he corrected.
My movements halted when he gripped my waist to adjust my positioning. I couldn't help but melt into his touch a bit. I missed that touch so much. Sometimes it felt like I couldn't live without it.
Before I could stop myself, I twisted around and rose to my toes, grabbing the back of his neck and pulling his head down so our lips could meet. His grip on my waist tightened, his lips moving with mine.
I opened my mouth, letting his tongue slip in. I moaned into his mouth, my hands tangling with his hair. He groaned as I tugged on his curls and kissed him harder.
His mouth traveled from my lips to my jawline, kissing up and down until he reached my neck. I whined, one of my hands resting on his bare chest. I brought my other hand down to the belt of his pants, trying to unbuckle his belt.
He pulled away, lips leaving mine, scarred hands releasing my waist. I stared up at him, confused, my hands finding their place at my sides.
"We can't," he said, shaking his head at me.
"Why?" I demanded.
"I'd be too rough for you," he warned me. "I can be sadistic. I don't want to expose you to that side of me."
"Maybe I want to be exposed to that side of you," I shrugged, eyes still caught on his tattooed chest.
"I wouldn't think you'd appreciate it because of your past," he explained.
"I trust you," I expressed. "I didn't trust him."
"It wouldn't be a good idea," he said quietly, glancing at the floor.
All I had wanted was him. And he thought it wouldn't be a good idea. It wasn't just sex that I wanted, either. It was a life with him.
"I don't understand you," I scoffed.
"What do you mean?"
"I suppose I'm just confused," I snapped. "Because for the past few decades, you've been writing to me. Calling me your dearest, saying you'd burn the world for me. Telling me you loved me, and signing them yours always. You risked everything to see me during your mission, where you kissed me. And it wasn't some stupid kiss that we could ignore like when we were teenagers. It felt real to me."
"Why are you confused, then?" he demanded.
"Because you haven't made a single move on me since I got back," I replied. "Since we were kids, I thought you were going to be the male I'd spend the rest of my life with. And with me coming home, I thought we would have a fresh start. I thought you wanted that."
"What makes you think I don't—"
"And instead, I hear you complaining our family about how I reacted to Rhys yelling at me and cornering me," I went on, tears of rage stinging my eyes. "I'm sorry that I'm not the same girl I was when I was 17. I'm sorry that he fucking broke me, and I'm sorry that you don't want damaged goods."
"I never said that!" he argued.
"It's not my fault that I changed," I nearly sobbed. "I tried to stay the same, but I just couldn't. He did everything he could to break me and mold me into what he wanted me to be, and I don't think I will ever be myself again. And if you can't handle that, fine. But at least tell me. Don't string me along like some pathetic idiot that's in love with you. I don't deserve that."
His hazel eyes were wide, almost tear filled as he stared at me. But he didn't reach out to comfort me. He didn't deny that any of my words were true.
"Evie--"
"Save it," I scoffed, pushing passed him.
I stormed away, out of the training ring and toward the House. I felt ridiculous. In my mess of tears, I turned a corner and ran straight into Cassian. He went to crack a joke, but the second he saw my tears, the smile was wiped from his face.
"What's wrong?" he asked me, his eyes filled with concern.
In a moment of vulnerable weakness, I threw myself into his arms, sobbing into his shoulder. He let me, not caring that I was a disgusting crier who was now wiping my face in his leathers.
"Azzy doesn't like who I am now, but I can't go back to the way I used to be. And all I want is for him to love me, but I'm ruined and broken now and I'll never be good enough for him," the words all came out a shaky, stammering, sobbing mess.
I took a few shaky, wheezy deep breaths before going on.
"And I heard you complain about how I stormed off after you called me a bitch, but it's different now because when I was 17, the word meant nothing to me. But now, I've had it screamed at me while being beaten half to death, and it really hurt my feelings that you used that word against me."
"Oh, Eve," he said softly, a hand stroking my hair back. "I wasn't complaining. It was a concern--an observation. I'm so sorry that I called you that. I didn't mean to hurt you."
I pulled back to look at him, and he sighed, wiping the tears from my eyes with his thumbs while he held my face in his hands.
"I'm sorry," he repeated in a whisper. "Do you want a drink?"
"Yes, please," I confirmed with a nod.
He chuckled, wrapping an arm around me, and the two of us made our way into the House.
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Cassian had made us both drinks, and the two of us had truly spoken. I had really opened up about my life in Autumn, and he had grown to understand better. We had both gotten drunk enough to pass out on the couch.
I woke this morning with a terrible headache. Cassian had made a breakfast he swore cured a hangover, and I had to admit that it helped.
The day was actually going quite well. I was busy knitting in the sitting room until I had to get ready for dinner with the twins.
"Hey," a voice pulled me out of my focus.
"What do you need?" I demanded, glaring up at Azriel. He frowned at my grumpiness.
"I want to talk," he said, crossing his arms as he leaned against the door. I scoffed, shaking my head and going back to my knitting. "You were always so stubborn."
"You don't get to insult me," I cut him off, eyes snapping up to his. "I have spent the last 33 years of my life being insulted in every way you can imagine. I don't need it from you, too."
"You can't really believe I don't love you anymore simply because of your past," he scoffed, taking a few strides over to me.
"You seemed very interested in me until you had to deal with my new faults," I whispered, blinking back tears.
"Evie," he said softly, kneeling in front of me and reaching a hand out.
I flinched away from his hand, and he froze. Shame crept up my stomach when I realized what I'd done.
"Why are you so scared of me?" he asked. "I won't hurt you."
"I'm not," I promised with tears shining in my eyes. "That's what I'm trying to tell you. I can't control the way I react to things. Az, you have no idea the things I went through."
"Then tell me," he pleaded. "Help me understand. Tell me how I can help you. Please."
There was deep desperation in his hazel eyes, and I knew he really wanted to understand me. He wanted to help me.
With a shaky breath, I took his arm. And I showed him.
I showed him the first beating I received for talking back to Beron. I showed him that Solstice, the first time he hit me in front of the kids. I showed him Elio parading his mistress around to hurt me. Then, the first time I'd told him to stop during intimacy, only to be smacked and ignored. I showed him the night Elio found out of the affair. And how I got the scars on my wrists. And so much more.
I wasn't able to show him everything. There were a few memories I would never be able to share with anyone.
But by the time I was done, he had tears silently streaming down his face. His features were twisted in a sort of anguish as he took my face in his hands.
"You never need to feel ashamed for changing," he said to me. "You should be proud of yourself for surviving that--surviving him. I'm so sorry I made you feel badly for what you went through. You are so brave, and so strong. And I will be by your side while you heal. Every step of the way, I'll be here. You don't have to hide anything from me. Nothing will make me love you any less."
"If . . . if you love me so much--" I began, sniffling through my tears. "Why did you say it would be a bad idea for us to be together? What changed?"
"It's complicated," he tried to explain.
"I'm sure I'll be able to comprehend it," I rolled my tear filled eyes.
He took a deep breath, studying my features. I could nearly see the gears in his head turning as he tried to find the words. But I waited. I waited patiently as he worked up the nerve he needed.
"The bond snapped."
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"What?" was all I could utter.
"The bond snapped," he repeated. "That's what changed."
"The bond . . . " I trailed off, eyes wide. "You avoided me and told me that us being together wouldn't be a good idea . . . because the bond snapped?"
"I didn't think you would want to be tied to me," he said quietly. "I didn't want you to feel like you had to choose me because of a mating bond. You just got out of a marriage where you had no freedom. Part of me felt like this bond was like a shackle for you. And you just got your freedom. I couldn't do that to you."
"Az, being mated to you would be nothing like my marriage," I insisted. "If you had just told me--"
"I couldn't bring myself to," he admitted. "I didn't want you to feel obligated to be with me."
"You can't keep something like that from me," I scolded. "I'm a grown female. I can make my own decisions, even with a mating bond."
"You're right," he sighed. "I'm sorry."
He was still knelt in front of me, looking apologetic and regretful. But I needed to know more.
"When did it snap?" I dared to ask.
"When I rescued you from that cell," he confessed, not able to meet my eyes as he said the words.
I nearly gasped at just how long it had been. Three weeks, to be exact. My nostrils flared as I sat all the way up.
"The bond snapped for you while I was covered in my own blood, piss, and vomit?" I shrilled. "You couldn't have waited for something more romantic?"
"I can't control when the bond snaps," he pointed out, an amused smile tugging on his lips. "Besides, you had been down there for three days. I didn't care what state you were in; I just cared that you were alive."
That didn't make me feel any less embarrassed about the state I'd been in when he found me. When the bond had snapped, no less.
"Azzy, I've loved you from the moment I met you," I expressed. "But . . . I can't do this right now. I can't believe you hid this from me. You made me think you didn't have any interest in me anymore. All because of this stupid secret?"
"I wanted you to enjoy your freedom," he insisted, getting to his feet.
"I wanted to enjoy my freedom with you," I said quietly. "If you had just told me that night--the night after I got home, when you slept in the infirmary bed with me--I would've accepted the bond in a second."
I sighed, hiding my face in my hands as I thought over the last three weeks. We'd had good moments together. But knowing he had been hiding such an important secret from me, even during those moments . . . That hurt.
"You hid this from me, and you lied," I stated, getting to my feet. He took a step back. "I can't accept the bond right now. I need time."
I saw hurt flash in his eyes, and I had to admit, it was difficult not to comfort him. But he nodded, blinking the hurt away.
"Take your time," he said.
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I decided to go to the town house, so I would be less likely to run into Azriel. The truth was, I knew I would accept the bond eventually. Because I knew--had always known--that he loved me. And I loved him, too. I just still wasn't sure when I would accept.
I needed time to think it all over. And I needed him to take the time to recognize the faults of his behavior lately.
But if the last few weeks had taught me anything, it was that I did need to seek counseling. I just didn't know where to start.
I figured that talking to my brother was a good start. I found him in the sitting room with our cousin, the two of them laughing over a bottle of wine.
"Eve!" Mor drunkenly exclaimed, raising her bottle.
I couldn't help but smile at my cousin, who waved me over. I went to her side, only to be attacked in a hug.
"How drunk are you?" I asked as she held onto me, resting her head on my shoulder.
"Not drunk enough," she grinned. "I missed you, Eve."
"I missed you, too," I assured my cousin with a smile.
"We should get drunk tonight," she suggested.
I rolled my eyes, patting her on the head before I pushed her off of me. She took another swig of the bottle.
"She's been drinking since eight this morning," Rhys explained to me from the chair across of us.
"Is everything okay?" I asked her.
"I'm fine," she insisted, though her words were slurred.
One glance at Rhys told me she was lying. But I didn't push her. I just turned my attention back to my brother as I prepared myself to say the words I'd been dreading.
"Rhys, I think I need help," I confessed, face burning with shame as I said the words out loud for the first time. But he didn't take it with the surprise I was expecting.
"We can get you counseling, Starling," he assured with a nod. "We replaced the scholars in the library with females who have been hurt in the way that you have. They live there, and we provide counseling to them. Astraea and one of the other girls, Roslin, counsel them."
"Could Astraea counsel me?" I asked, finally glancing up to meet his violet eyes.
"She would be biased."
"She can be unbiased," I grumbled, leaning back on the couch.
"She'll never be unbiased when it comes to you," he said with a slight smile. He was right. It needed to be someone I didn't have a personal connection with.
"But my trauma is so different from theirs," I argued. "It's not fair of me."
"It's not as different as you think."
"Elio . . . it was complicated with him," I explained. "I was married to him. I just let it happen."
"That's not true," he insisted. "It's not your fault, okay?" I shrugged again and blinked back tears.
"Shit, Eve, he really fucked you up," Mor blurted quite bluntly. "You used to be so happy. Now--"
"I get it, Mor," I snapped. She only shrugged and took another sip of wine.
I knew what she meant. I had felt life leave me after about fifteen years of marriage. I still hadn't gotten it back.
"I can schedule you an appointment for tomorrow morning," Rhys decided.
"No, we'll be too hungover," Mor giggled, resting her head on my shoulder.
"You are not going out tonight," Rhys said to her, prompting a pout from the girl.
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Rhys brought me to the library, me clutching onto his hand like I was a scared child again. But he let me without even making fun of me for it.
"I know this is going to be hard, but you'll feel so much better," he promised.
Before I went into Roslin's office, I hugged him. By then, I truly felt like a child, hiding my face in his shoulder as he held me.
"I love you, Starling," Rhys said to me, patting me on the back as we pulled away.
"I love you, too," I replied.
It was a struggle to leave the safety of my brother's side, but I managed to step away from him and enter the office.
I couldn't see much of Roslin in the hood that she wore. Rhys explained to me that she was a Priestess.
"Princess," she curtsied when I stepped into her view.
"No need for formality," I assured her, shaking my head. "Just call me Eve."
"Okay, Eve," she nodded, sitting down on a chair. "Take a seat."
I sat on the couch across from her, adjusting my wings so I could lean back. Her office was simple, but decorated quite nicely.
"Tell me what made you decide to seek us out?" she asked. Her voice was sweet, calming. It made me feel safe.
"If I'm being honest, I'm struggling with being here," I explained, shifting my hands beneath my thighs to keep from fidgeting with them.
"It's hard to accept help when you're healing," she said, smiling sadly.
"It just feels wrong," I insisted. "And my trauma is nothing compared to the rest of you. It's not fair of me."
"Trauma isn't a competition, Evelina," she told me.
I dragged my hands out from under me, taking the pillow beside me and holding it to my chest.
"It wasn't really that bad," I lied. "He was amazing until about ten years in."
"What happened after ten years?"
I stared down at my feet, trying not to think about how terrified I had been that night. I tried not to remember the pain, the fear, the overwhelming sorrow.
"He hit me," I admitted in a hushed tone. "Because I talked back to his father. But if he hadn't punished me, his father would have punished him."
"Did he hit you often after that?" she asked, taking notes on her clipboard.
"Not at first," I remembered. "He felt bad about it and only did it once in a while. After a decade or so, though, it became a very frequent occurrence."
"What was usually the reason?"
"At first, it was because I wasn't getting pregnant," I confessed. "That's why his father was so upset with me. After I had children, it was because he was angry. Not always angry with me, but he still took it out on me."
"Did you struggle to try for children with him?" she wondered. I knew what she was really asking.
"I enjoyed the sex for a while," I recalled. "He waited for me to be ready and for us to get to know each other."
"And after he started hitting you?"
"I didn't enjoy it as much after that. Sometimes I would tell him not to be so rough, but he wouldn't listen."
"He didn't listen when you told him to stop?" she asked. I pursed my lips, aware of how that sounded.
"I didn't want him to stop completely, I just wanted him to be gentler."
"Did he ever ignore you when you told him to stop completely?"
"Once," I said quietly, staring down at my lap as my lower lip quivered. "He slapped me and kept going."
She stared at me for a moment, studying my features.
"He would . . ." I trailed off, wiping a spare tear from my eye. "He would force me to go down on him, even though he knew I hated it. He would burn me with his flames until I opened my mouth to scream, and then--"
I broke down in tears, sobbing into my hands. I heard her quill on the paper stop, and I could feel her eyes on me.
"He was so angry all the time," I managed, not able to lift my head. "And he took his anger out on me. He was always so forceful and he would hurt me in our intimate moments. I never felt safe with him."
Roslin was writing something down on the clipboard, but I barely noticed. She finished writing, then glanced up at me, as though studying me.
"Your trauma is not nothing, Evelina," she said softly.
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I was jolted awake in the middle of the night, gasping to catch my breath. There were tears on my cheeks from the nightmare.
I had escaped the Autumn Court, but I went right back there every night. I felt as though I would never get away from him. I couldn't sleep without being at his mercy all over again. I wondered if I'd ever be truly free.
I tried to wrap my arms around myself to stop my trembling, and I tried to calm my breathing. But it was useless. All I could see in my mind was his face, and all I could feel were his hands on me.
The irrational fear that he was somehow going to hurt me again would never go away. I glanced around in the pitch black, my body still shaking.
I hadn't yet felt the bond that Azriel had revealed to me, but in a moment of desperation, I reached deep into my chest, searching for that string. A gasp left my lips when I found it, right around my heart, and I tugged on it with everything I had.
I wiped the never ending stream of tears from my eyes while I waited. I wondered if he would even come. If he would leave me in my fear out of anger for rejecting him.
I knew the thought was ridiculous the second it crossed my mind. And a few seconds later, the only feeling I had when my door opened was relief.
I gazed up from my lap, my tear-filled eyes meeting his. Seeing his face only made the tears fall harder.
"I know things have been strange between us, but I really need you right now," I whispered through my tears, pure desperation in my voice.
"It's okay," he assured me, stepping over to my side. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"No," I denied, shaking my head. "I just need you to hold me."
"I'm here," he murmured, sitting down on the bed.
I allowed him to wrap his arms around me. I melted into his embrace, hiding my face in the crook of his neck. His scent was familiar--safe. He held me close, his scarred hand stroking my hair. His shadows began to comfort me, one of them wiping my tears.
"I can't sleep without being back there," I whispered, my shoulders shaking with sobs.
"You're home, and you're safe," he reminded me. "He's never going to hurt you again."
"I know, but the nightmares--they're so real," I explained.
"I understand," he said quietly. I knew that he did. That was likely why he was still awake to feel my cry for him.
"Can you stay with me tonight?" I asked. "At least until I fall asleep again?"
"Of course," he whispered, his arms tightening around me.
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Az had been gone when I was awoken, and while I felt a small twinge of disappointment, another part of me was grateful. I wasn't yet ready to discuss everything. I wondered if he thought I was pathetic for calling out to him after saying I needed time. Or if he pitied me.
I pondered these things as I strolled through Velaris, to my daughter's apartment. I could have easily winnowed or flown, but I enjoyed the walk. The city was so beautiful, and I loved my people. They had always adored me when I was a child. I'd been welcomed back warmly.
Diana and I were going to Gideon's apartment for lunch, but she had asked me to come to her place early to help her make the dessert we were bringing.
But when I entered her apartment, she was anything but ready. She sat on her couch, her eyes red and her cheeks puffy. She had her legs pulled to her chest, her chin resting on her knees.
"What's wrong, baby?" I asked, going straight to her side.
"I saw Father," she whispered, glancing up at me with silver-lined eyes.
"Oh," I said softly, standing in front of her. I took her face in my hands, and she put her weight in them. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"He . . . " she trailed off, squeezing her eyes shut as more tears escaped. "He said that I had no place to hate him when I treated you just as badly as he did. He said that I was just like him."
I swore I saw red the moment the words left her lips. I swore that I was going to kill him. But I didn't let it show. Instead, I caressed her cheek and sighed.
"None of that is true," I assured her, my voice much calmer than I felt.
"Yes, it is," she mumbled, her voice laced with shame. "I was awful to you."
"No, you fought with me," I corrected her. "Just like every child fights with their mother. You think I didn't lash out at my own when I was growing up?"
"I got mad at you, when I should've been mad at him," she pointed out, rolling her eyes.
"You were a child," I reminded her. "You were angry that I was being hurt, and you only had me to lash out at about it."
"Gideon lashed out at Father," she recalled. "I should've done the same."
"Gideon could do so without fear," I stated. "He's a male. You saw the way every female in that house was punished for speaking their minds. You knew you couldn't yell at him without facing the same treatment."
Her silence confirmed my words. She finally met my eyes again, and when I saw the pain in them, I leaned down and pressed a kiss to her forehead.
"Why don't I have Gideon come here for lunch?" I suggested. "I'll cook. You just relax. Okay, love?"
"Okay," she nodded, sniffling as she wiped her eyes.
I reached out until I found Gideon's mind, and I stroked a talon over it. He let me in, though with slight fear. Neither of them had gotten used to it yet.
"We're doing lunch at Diana's," I told him. "She's having a hard time."
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I cooked Diana's favorite pasta dish while she sat at the table. The two of us talked, catching each other up, even though I had seen her two days prior.
When Gideon arrived, the three of us sat down at the table, and I served them their lunch.
"I'm still not used to you speaking in my mind," Gideon said. "It's off putting."
"You're both very lucky I couldn't do it when you were growing up," I teased. "Neither of you would've been able to step a toe out of line without me finding out."
Diana snorted, and Gideon smiled. Though his face twisted with concern as he turned his attention to his sister.
"Mother said you weren't doing well," he said to her. "You okay?"
"I saw Father," she said to him. "I don't want to talk about it again."
"I don't know why you've kept him alive this long, Mother," Gideon complained to me.
"There was a time when he was kind and loving," I confessed. "Long before you two were born. It's hard . . . because when I think of killing him, I feel like I would be killing that kindness in him, as well."
"That kindness died long ago," Gideon said to me. "The sooner you end it, the sooner you're free of him, Mom."
"I'll never be free of him," I said quietly, staring down at my plate. Diana, who was sitting beside me, placed a hand over mine in comfort.
"If it makes you feel better, he's in terrible shape," she said. "He looked half dead, already. I think your boyfriend got to him." My head snapped towards hers, my eyes wide.
"Boyfriend?" I repeated.
"Yeah, Azriel," she stated. "I thought . . . I mean, just the way you two interact, I sort of thought you were dating before . . . " Before my father had sold me without a second thought.
"No, we . . . " I trailed off. "It was complicated back then."
"Oh," she said, smirking a bit. I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose.
"He's my mate," I admitted to them. I hadn't told a soul, yet. Not even my brother.
"What?" Diana squealed as Gideon exclaimed something similar.
"He told me a few days ago," I sighed. "It snapped when he rescued me from Autumn. I think a part of me always knew. But I haven't accepted it, yet."
"Why not?" Gideon demanded. "He obviously loves you."
"And I love him," I said. "But he hid it from me for three weeks."
"So?" Diana demanded. "You love him. And you deserve to be happy, Mama."
I glanced over at her. I hadn't ever thought of it like that. When I was seventeen, on my wedding night, I had come to terms with the fact that I would never really be happy again.
"You should accept the bond," Gideon advised me. "We want to see you happy after everything you've gone through."
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After lunch, I made my way to the library. I'd made another appointment with Roslin. I'd gone for the past three days in a row. It was so freeing to talk about what had happened to me without fear of judgement.
I sat in that office now, sitting across from Roslin as she took notes. I was curious about what she was writing. I had talked about Azriel nearly the entire time.
"I love him," I was telling her. "And my children both want me to accept the bond. I just can't stand that he hid it from me. And I don't know what to do."
"It sounds like he was being ignorant in the things he said," she observed.
I had, in fact, told her of the things I'd overheard him saying. And the things he had said when I confronted him about it.
"He was," I grumbled, nodding my head in agreement.
"But it also sounds like he's sorry," she pointed out to me. "And he didn't mean them in the way you interpreted them."
"I know," I admitted with a sigh. "I know he is. And I know he loves me. It's just so hard."
"I know it is," she nodded, glancing up from her clipboard. "Have you spoken to him since he told you of the bond?"
"Only once," I confessed, shifting uncomfortably on the couch. "I had a nightmare last night. I really needed him, so I tugged on the bond. He held me until I fell asleep again."
"It sounds like he loves you," she said. "I think you should do what you think is best. Experiencing the way a relationship is supposed to be might be what you need to heal."
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I was filled with nerves when I approached my twin's office. But after speaking with Roslin and the twins, I knew what I had to do.
I knocked on the door, not waiting for a response before I let myself in. He was hunched over his desk, consumed with paperwork. But he glanced up at me, smiling.
"What do you need, Starling?" he asked me. I bit my lip, trying to work up the courage to speak to him.
"I need the Town House tomorrow night," I explained. "I need it to myself. Then, I need you to send Azriel there without telling him I'm there."
"Why?"
"I'm making him dinner," I said. "It's a surprise."
"Oh, so the bond snapped?" he asked casually. My brows furrowed at the words.
"Did he tell you?"
"We all figured it out when we were teenagers," he snorted. "You two were the only ones blind enough to not realize until now." I groaned, cheeks heating with embarrassment. "I found out when I was ten. Mother had said to me, 'Your sister is very lucky to have found her mate so early in life.'"
"She knew?" I asked, my voice gentler. He nodded. "Somehow, that makes me feel better about her not being here to see me get mated."
"She knew everything," he chuckled. "But, to answer your question, yes. I will make sure Mor, Cassian, and Astraea are away. And I will send Az there once you let me know when you're ready."
"Thank you," I smiled.
"And after dinner, please stay in his bedroom," he pleaded with me. "I've had to disinfect that kitchen from Cassian bringing home new girls far too many times."
"I'd prefer not to discuss that part with you," I said, wrinkling my nose. "But don't worry, we'll stay upstairs."
"His bedroom; nobody else's," he insisted.
"I promise, now please stop," I groaned. He smiled.
"I'm happy for you, Eve," he said to me, very sincerely.
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Rhys got everybody out of the house early the next day, and I got to work on dinner. Steak, mashed potatoes, asparagus, and roasted carrots, plus a nice dessert of chocolate torte. It was the first real meal he had ever had. The first meal my mother had made for him when he came to live with us.
Through the years, he would ask for it on every birthday. My mother and I would make it together, while Astraea watched.
Astraea hated cooking, so she always watched. She'd been forced to learn to cook at a young age, to please her master. And after she escaped, she decided she never wanted to cook again.
When I had finished cooking and baking the dessert, I set it all out on the table. I lit a few candles, and put a vase of flowers in the center.
I took a deep breath, studying my work, then sent the okay to my brother's mind. Nerves settled in my stomach.
I was wearing a cobalt blue dress, one that sparkled in the light. The bodice was tight to my skin, and the sleeves were sheer and loose. The skirt was loose, but didn't poof out too far. There was a slit in the skirt up my thigh. Underneath, I was wearing a blue set of lingerie that Mor had gone shopping for with me.
After a few moments, the door opened. He must have winnowed to get here so fast. I took a grounding breath, trying to calm my heart rate.
When he entered the room, I could feel the string in my chest go taut. He looked more handsome than I'd ever seen him. His curls were tamed, but still perfect. And his eyes . . . I'd always loved those hazel eyes. He wore a lovely suit, which made me think Rhys had instructed him to dress nicely. That likely gave me away. His shadows clung to him, but a few swirled over to me.
"Hi, Azzy," I greeted quietly, a soft smile on my face.
"You . . . you look . . . " he was at a loss of words as he took me in, his eyes looking me up and down, then studying my face. "Breathtaking." The word was barely a whisper. A blush tinted my cheeks.
"Thank you," I uttered. "You look quite handsome, yourself." He glanced down at the table, looking at the food.
"Does this mean--"
"I accept the bond," I cut him off. "Yes."
An expression of disbelief twisted his features for only a second, before tears began welling in his hazel eyes.
He rushed towards me, and I could only laugh as he scooped me up and spun me around. I clutched onto him, squeezing him tight. When he set me back on the ground, I planted a kiss on his lips. He held my face in his hands, kissing me back.
When he pulled away, he got to his knees in front of me, hands gripping the backs of my thighs. I reached out, running my hand through his curls, and wiping his tears with the other.
"Evie, I swear I will never lie to you again. And I will never, ever, keep anything from you," he promised me. "And I swear to protect and love you for the rest of our lives. I will never let anyone lay a violent hand on you ever again."
The thought of being protected and loved by him, forever, made my heart leap in my chest. To be with someone that I trusted--that I loved. It seemed too good to be true.
Tears began to sprout in my own eyes as I stared down at my beautiful mate. He got to his feet, and held me close, kissing the tears away from my eyes. His shadows twisted around me, doting on me in excitement.
"Shall we eat?" I asked him. He nodded, smiling as he sat down at the table.
I took his plate and shoveled some food onto it, then filled a glass of wine for him. I set it in front of him and sat across from him, serving myself next.
The two of us ate in a comfortable silence, one of his hands reaching across the table to rest on top of mine. We seemed to be eating fast so that we could get upstairs sooner than later.
But we ate dessert, nonetheless. The chocolate torte I made was absolutely delicious, if I did say so myself. It reminded me of my mother's. Though, I had followed her recipe.
When we were done, I got to my feet and sat myself onto his lap, kissing him again. His tongue slipped into my mouth, massaging my own. One of his hands traveled down to grope my breast, and I moaned into his mouth.
I whined as he pulled away, brushing my hair out of my face. I had wanted him for a very long time, but right now, it felt as though I needed him. If I didn't have him right now, I would die.
"Let's go upstairs," he suggested.
I nodded eagerly, squealing as he got to his feet with me still in his arms, carrying me bridal style. I wrapped my wings tight around myself as he carried me up the stairs.
He dropped me onto his silk, deep blue sheets, and climbed on top of me, his lips finding my neck. I moaned, my hands intertwining with his curls as he sucked, bit, and kissed up the tender skin. His shadows settled around me, stroking different parts of my body.
"I love you so much," I whimpered as he absolutely ravaged me. He pulled back, hovering above me, his eyes meeting mine.
"I love you, too," he whispered. "My beautiful mate." His lips met mine again.
I began clawing at his shirt, trying to undo the buttons around his wings, but struggling. Eventually, I huffed in frustration against his lips, and used my magic to make his shirt disappear. His hand began trailing up the inside of my thigh, and I gasped, my back arching.
I sat up so he could unzip the back of my dress. I lifted my hips so that he could pull it off of me, leaving me in the lingerie set that I had bought. His pupils were blown from arousal as he took me in.
"You look so gorgeous in my color," he grunted, eyes trailing up and down my body.
"Is this your color?" I teased with a smirk. "I just bought it because I thought it was pretty."
He snarled, clearly not in the mood for my taunts, and yanked the bra of the set off to reveal my breasts. His finger circled my nipple, making my back arch off of the bed as I whined.
"No whining," he reminded me. He'd always hated my whining, even when we were kids.
He leaned down, his lips closing around the nipple. I gasped as he licked and sucked at it, his hand groping and kneading my other breast. A few shadows whirled around the delicate skin.
"Az," I sighed in pleasure, squeezing my eyes shut. He glanced up at me, a smirk on his lips. His hand trailed down my side, resting on my hip. I bucked my hips desperately, letting him know exactly where I wanted him.
"Use your words, my love," he instructed.
"Please touch me, Az," I begged, my words a hushed whisper.
"Good girl," he praised, the words sparking more arousal through me. He smirked as he sensed it. "You like being praised?" I nodded, whimpering as he began circling my nipple again. "I'll remember that."
His scarred finger began trailing up and down my core, over the lingerie. I gasped, throwing my head back at the sensation. I couldn't remember the last time I had been touched like that--so delicately.
He carefully pulled the lingerie down, lifting my hips to get it off of me. When I was left bare beneath him, he took a few seconds to take me in.
"So perfect," he uttered, causing a blush to stain my cheek.
He swiped a finger over my clit, making an indelicate moan fall from my lips. I would've been embarrassed had he not been causing me so much pleasure. He pressed down with the perfect amount of pressure, circling it with his thumb.
"So good, Az," I mewled, bucking my hips. He held them down with his other hand. "Want them inside, please."
"Whatever you want, baby," he agreed.
His fingers swirled around my entrance. He sunk two fingers inside me and I gasped, grinding my hips. They felt so different than any other fingers I'd had inside of me. The texture from his scars made the sensation so much more pleasurable.
"Gods, Az," I moaned, clutching onto him. "Your scars feel so fucking good."
He blushed, and I almost felt shame for letting the words slip out, but a shy smile settled on his face.
He leaned down, licking a stripe up my core as his fingers continued drilling into me. I cried out, my hands gripping his hair and pushing his face closer. His lips locked around my clit, sucking with the perfect amount of pressure.
"Oh, Az, keep doing that," I begged, grinding against his face and hands.
I was getting close, and he could sense it. He began sucking just a bit harder, his fingers moving faster.
I let out a cry as I got right to the edge, then fell over as his fingers angled themselves perfectly. My moans were loud, and undignified as I climaxed on his fingers and mouth.
He kept sucking my clit and fucking me with his fingers until I was shuddering from overstimulation.
Then, he pulled away and crawled up to kiss me again. I could taste my release on his lips and tongue. I began to grope the bulge in his hands, desperate for him to be inside of me. He started to unbuckle his belt, and when he was done, I had no patience left. It felt as though he was taking them off slowly on purpose.
I waved a hand, and his pants were gone, just as I had done with his shirt. I nearly moaned at the sight in front of me. His body was beyond perfect. And his cock . . . I wasn't even sure if it would fit inside me.
"Az . . . " I said nervously.
"If it's too much, we'll take it slow," he promised me, stroking my cheek.
I pursed my lips and flipped us over so that I was on top. It seemed as though he was about to protest, so I put a finger to his lips.
"Trust me," I begged him. He sighed, but nodded and laid back.
I smiled and lowered my mouth to him. I wasn't sure I'd be able to stand having him in my mouth. Not after what had been done to me.
Instead, I licked up the underside of his shaft, my tongue trailing over the veins. He moaned and bit his lip. I felt a wave of excitement at how sensitive he was. I swirled my tongue over his tip, smearing the precum that had began to collect on it.
When I felt comfortable, I lifted my head and took a deep breath. I straddled his waist and carefully lowered myself onto his cock. I gasped, slowly filling myself more.
"Are you okay?" he asked, his hands resting lightly on my hips.
I nodded, biting my lip. I let out a moan as I finally sat down completely. He let out a hard breath, squeezing his eyes shut. Having him in me hurt, but it was a pleasurable pain. One that I knew I would crave everyday for the rest of my life.
"I'm fine," I uttered as I began grinding on him.
He groaned, his grip on my hips tightening. Elio had never let me on top--he'd always stated that the male should be in control. So I wasn't quite sure what I was doing.
But Az's hands on my hips helped guide me, helped encourage me. I rested my hands on his chest, running them over his muscles.
His shadows settled on my breasts, playing with my nipples as I sighed in pleasure. One began swirling around my neck, focusing just below my ear.
I braced my hands on his chest as I began riding him harder, causing a sweet whimper to fall from his lips. I smirked down at him.
His eyes were locked on mine, his thumbs stroking my hips. I whimpered as I got close to the edge again, and he could sense it from the way I clenched around him.
"Do you want me to pull out?" he asked me.
"No, please don't," I begged, throwing my head back as I nearly came undone.
"We'll cum together," he decided. I nodded.
One of his hands left my hips, and his finger began circling my clit again. That was the last thing I needed to fall over that edge, just as he spilled inside of me.
Our moans filled the room as we both climaxed, his eyes shut tight, his brow furrowed. I grinded against him a few times to draw out our orgasms, until we had wrung all the pleasure from each other.
I collapsed on top of him from utter exhaustion, and he wrapped his arms around me, under my wings, pressing a kiss to my forehead.
"Do you want to bathe?" he asked.
"Too tired," I mumbled.
"Okay," he whispered, rolling me off of me.
I protested as he got out of the bed and made his way to our bathroom. But he came back with a washcloth. He washed our combined releases from my thighs with the warm, wet towel.
When he was done cleaning me up, he put the towel away and climbed back into bed with me.
"Are you okay?" he asked me. I nodded, humming contently. "Good." He pressed kisses to my face, then one to my lips.
He pulled me into his warm arms, the two of us still naked. I decided this would be a lovely way to fall asleep, every night for the rest of my life.
‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙
Chapter Text
‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙
‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙
I awoke in his arms. And that was everything I'd ever wanted.
We were both still naked, and my head was resting on his bare chest. I yawned, stretching out as I fully became aware of my surroundings.
"Good morning, my love," he murmured.
I glanced up at him, seeing that he was fully awake. I wondered how long he'd been watching me sleep for. I blushed a bit, but he wouldn't let me go.
"I didn't have any nightmares," I realized, brows furrowing at the thought. "I haven't slept this well in ages."
"I slept quite well, too," he said. "You're pretty when you're sleeping."
"Don't tease," I grumbled, rolling on top of him. His hair was mussed from sleep, which I found absolutely adorable.
"I'm not teasing," he grinned, his hand in my hair. I leaned forward, giving him a quick kiss. "You're the most beautiful female in Prythian; of course you look pretty in your sleep."
I beamed, hiding my face in his neck to hide the blush on my face. He hugged me closer to him and starting pressing featherlight kisses to my shoulder.
His mouth on my skin sent a wave of desire through me. The mating frenzy was something I hadn't been prepared for. I hadn't realized just how desperately I would want him.
I trailed my hand down, wrapping it around his cock. I pumped him a few times until I felt him get hard in my hand.
"Look who's teasing, now," he managed, his voice tense, which made me smile.
His finger began to circle my entrance, just barely prodding at it, but I shook my head, murmuring protests.
"Need you inside, now," I pleaded with him.
"Are you sure you can take me without--"
"I'll be fine, please," I begged, my mind fogged with desire. "I need you."
He flipped us over, and I squealed as he hovered over me. He pressed another kiss to my lips, then lined himself up with my entrance.
I squeezed my eyes shut, gasping as he sank into me. The stretch was still painful, but I loved it.
"You feel so good, Evie," he uttered. "Just as I imagined." I made sure to remember to tease him for his imagining later, but now, I was feeling too good.
Last night, the sex had been hard and intense. But this morning, it was soft and slow. And I realized that I loved that just as much.
I wrapped my legs around him, forcing him deeper. He grunted, biting down on my shoulder to muffle his moans.
I mewled as he fucked me deeper. He was hitting spots I didn't even know existed. His lips began peppering soft kisses under my jaw.
I gasped, hips bucking as a shadow began pressing against my clit. A few others circled and tweaked my nipples. I hadn't realized they could feel so good, but it was almost as if he was the one touching me.
"Gods, Az, your shadows--" I moaned, throwing my head back.
"Feel good?" he teased. I nodded, whining at the feeling as I pulsed around him. "You gonna cum, baby?"
"Yes," I gasped, my fingers wrapped tight in his curls.
"Go ahead," he granted.
I fell apart beneath him, soft moans leaving my lips as the pleasure took over my body. I felt his cock twitch inside of me before he let himself go, releasing into me with a groan.
He rolled off of me, and I laid on top of him, resting my head on his shoulder as he wrapped his arms around me and held me close.
"Such a good girl," he murmured. I smiled, blushing at the praise.
"That was amazing," I murmured, body still twitching from the aftershocks. "But I have a question."
"Yes?" he asked curiously.
"You said you could be sadistic," I reminded him. "Last night and just now were incredible, but you weren't sadistic."
"I couldn't be sadistic for our first time," he said to me, brushing my hair out of my face. "Besides, if you want that from me, we need to talk it through, first. I need to know your boundaries."
"Can we talk about it now?" I asked, hopeful.
"I have to get ready for work," he said to me. I frowned.
"You have to work?" I demanded. "I thought we could spend the whole day in bed."
"I wish," he smiled, his thumb stroking my bottom lip. "I'll be back for dinner, then we can stay up all night if you please."
"I need to speak to Rhys about making you work today," I grumbled. He chuckled. "What do you need to do?"
"I have a mission to go on today," he sighed. "But before that, I need to check on your delightful ex-husband." I scoffed.
"I'm going with you," I decided, sitting up, though I was still straddling him. "I need to see him."
"Okay," he agreed. "But Evie, with the bond so fresh, I don't think I can control what I'll do if he insults you."
"As long as you don't kill him," I shrugged. "I want to draw out his pain as long as I can."
‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾
I couldn't deny the nerves in my stomach as we approached his cell. The last time I had seen him, he'd made me cry. He'd humiliated me in front of Az, calling me an alcoholic whore that he would eventually want to get rid of.
I gripped onto my mate's hand as he went to unlock the door, and having that hand in mine made me feel safe. It grounded me, and calmed my nerves.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" he asked me gently. I just nodded. He sighed, pushing the door open.
I had never seen Elio in such a horrific state. Diana hadn't been lying when she said he wasn't doing well.
He had lost a significant amount of weight, his hair had grown out just a bit. He needed a shave, but that was nothing compared to the wounds that had been inflicted.
"You really fucked him up," I scoffed at the blood, cuts, burns, and bruises that covered him.
"After you showed me the things he did to you, I couldn't really stop myself," he murmured.
I glanced down, noticing the blood drenching the crotch of his pants. I turned back to my mate, raising a brow.
"You cut his fucking dick off?" I asked him.
"He used it to hurt you," he shrugged, crossing his arms. "The same reason Rhys and Cassian cut his hands off."
"They did?" I asked, realizing that at the end of his arms were, in fact, two bloody stubs.
"Cassian did one, Rhys did the other," Az confirmed.
"It's nice to see they've learned to share," I joked. Az snorted.
I finally acknowledged Elio, looking him in the eye as he glared up at me. And while a part of me would always balk away from those eyes, I also felt in control of the situation.
"Elio," I greeted him. He didn't respond. "I saw Diana the other day. She was crying. You made her cry."
"Since when do you care about her?" he spat at me. "She's hated you since the day she was born."
I hated that he knew exactly how to hurt me. He was well aware of every single one of my insecurities, because he had created them.
"You know very well that I've always cared about her," I said quietly. "I'm the one that saved her from that arranged marriage."
"You couldn't have done that without my help."
"Yet, I was the one that got tortured for it," I recalled.
"You think I didn't face any consequences for that?" he scoffed. "Do you really think my father let me walk away unharmed?"
"At least he didn't lock you in a cell worse than this one for three days," I said softly. "You didn't check on me once."
"There was no use. I figured you were dead or dying."
"I was your wife, and you didn't care if I was dead or dying," I murmured. "I can't believe I put up with you for so long."
"I was looking for an excuse to get rid of you for years. You rarely satisfied me in bed, you whored around with my sister, you drank away your feelings, and you never kept the children out of my way."
"You beat me nearly every night, forced me to get pregnant when I wasn't ready, whored around with a female that thought your abuse of me was amusing, and insulted me on every occasion you could," I said. "Then, you told my daughter that she was just like you. You made her think that her petty fights with me made her as evil as you."
"She's an ungrateful brat," he spat. "Turning on me when I'm being tortured and kept in inhumane conditions."
"Az, give me your knife," I instructed.
Azriel didn't hesitate, stepping forward and handing his dagger to me. I could feel his fury on the other side of the bond--how hard he was restraining himself. I knew he wanted nothing more than the murder the male in front of us.
"You made her cry," I repeated, kneeling in front of the male, pressing the flat side of the blade to his cheek. "So I will take your eyes."
The panic that took over him made him begin to struggle in his restraints, but Azriel's shadows pooled forward, holding him in place and muffling his cries of terror.
I thought of just stabbing him through the eyes, but I didn't want to accidentally kill him. So I took the tip of the blade and carefully nudged it into his eye socket. His muffled screams were music to my ears as I dipped the blade under his eye, and cut it out.
I went into his mind to make sure the adrenaline and shock didn't block out the pain for him before I did the other.
When I was done, he was trembling. And it made me want to smile. But I didn't. I stood up and squashed his fallen eyeballs under the heel of my shoe.
I didn't say anything else to him, knowing he'd be in too much pain to comprehend it. I just gave my mate his knife back and exited the cell with him on my heel.
"That was impressive," Az said to me when the door closed behind us. "I'm so fucking proud of you."
I grinned at him, gripping the back of his neck and pulling him close to me for a kiss. I slid my tongue into his mouth, tilting my head as I kissed him, hard.
"I have to go on my mission," he murmured against my lips. I groaned against his.
"What if something happens to you?" I stressed, pulling away from him, but keeping my arms around his neck.
"I'll keep a shadow with you," he assured me. "And if anything happens, it will alert you. Just don't come alone like last time."
"I handled myself just fine last time," I reminded him with a smug smirk. "I killed 12 males with just my mind."
"Yes, and Rhys almost killed you for it," he said with a soft smile. "I don't doubt your abilities, but you never know the circumstances. Just bring back up next time."
‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙
I decided that I would meet the twins for lunch, then go shopping with them before I had to be home to make dinner.
But before that, I went back to the town house to change out of my blood-soaked clothes. I didn't care that I could make the blood disappear with the snap of my fingers--I still wouldn't feel clean.
I was surprised to find Rhys there already, sitting at the kitchen table and eating some of the leftover chocolate torte.
"This is amazing," Rhys informed me when he noticed that I was in the room. "It tastes just like Mom's."
"Thanks," I said, sitting across form him. "Astraea had her recipe, and she gave it to me."
"You two didn't clean up the kitchen last night," he said to me. "It was a mess. Nobody bothered to put the food away, or do the dishes."
"I was accepting the mating bond, Rhys," I reminded him. "We weren't really focused on the dishes."
"It takes the wave of your hand to clean one room," he stated. "It would've taken you one second."
"We have the same powers," I reminded him. "Therefore, it only took you one second to clean it up."
"That's not the point--"
"I just got mated, and you're lecturing me instead of congratulating me," I pointed out, brows furrowed. He took a deep breath, placing his fork down.
"You're right," he said softly. "I'm sorry. Congratulations, Evelina."
"I think Az and I will go back to the House tonight," I said to him. "It would've been nice to be able to spend the day together, though."
"You only gave me one days notice," he stated, rolling his violet eyes at me. "But after your ceremony, I'll give him two weeks off."
"A month," I negotiated with a frown.
"Fine," he sighed. "A month."
He took another bite of the chocolate torte, and we sat in silence for a moment. I leaned back in my chair, adjusting my wings so I was comfortable.
"Az told me you saw Elio today," he brought up. "Said you really did some damage."
"He made Diana cry the last time she saw him," I explained. "So Az gave me his knife, and I cut his eyes out."
"Az gave you his knife?" Rhys asked, sitting up straight. I nodded. "He never lets anybody touch Truthteller."
"He named his knife?" I asked, smiling at the thought. "That's so cute."
"Most blades have names," Rhys informed me. "It's not cute, it's a deadly weapon."
"We can agree to disagree."
Chapter 47: 𝔣𝔬𝔯𝔱𝔶-𝔰𝔢𝔳𝔢𝔫*
Notes:
I'm changing the names of his shadows to something more shadow-y.
Chapter Text
‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙
‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙
Instead of making dinner that night, Rhys informed me that we were to have a family meal in the House of Wind.
I arrived a bit early, hoping to find Az there already. And to my utter delight, I found him waiting for me on the balcony as soon as I flew down.
It seemed the rumors of the 'frenzy' had not been exaggerated. The second my feet touched the ground, I couldn't stop myself from jumping into his arms and connecting my lips to his.
Our breaths were harsh, our hands aggressive as they explored the other's body. The kiss was intense, and I gasped into his mouth as he bit down on my lip.
There was no way we would make it to the bedroom, but no one else seemed to be home. So I wrapped my legs around his waist and let him pin me to the wall.
It was quick, hard, and satisfying. My legs were shaking by the time we were done, and he carefully set me onto the ground. I kissed him once more, this time gently.
"How was your day?" he asked me softly, his body still pinning mine to the wall.
"I tried to distract myself from missing you so much," I complained, wrapping my arms around his neck. He hummed, pressing a kiss to my neck. "Azzy, can we have that discussion, now?"
"Which one?"
"Boundaries," I recalled. "You said we could discuss boundaries if I wanted . . . If I wanted to see that side of you." My cheeks heated at the words, feeling a bit embarrassed for asking.
"Why don't we sit down for that," he suggested. I nodded.
I squealed as he picked me up in his arms, carrying me over to the sitting area. My wings flapped fruitlessly as I tried to squirm out of his grip.
"I can walk just fine," I grumbled.
"I know, I just can't stand to let you out of my reach," he replied with a smug smile.
He threw me onto the couch, then sat himself beside me. He dragged me into his arms again, allowing me to rest my head on his chest as he leaned back.
"Where shall we begin?" I asked him. I'd never had a discussion like this before.
"Would you like to take a tonic to prevent pregnancy?" he asked me. "Or would you like me to take one?"
"I would love to have a baby with you," I confessed, smiling at the idea of carrying his little Illyrian babe. "I would love to do it right this time, and raise a child in a healthy environment with a loving father. But not yet. I want to enjoy my freedom first."
"We have all the time in the world," he pointed out to me, stroking my hair. "I'm ready whenever you are."
"I'll take the tonic," I decided. "I'll go to Madja for it tomorrow."
I smiled as he planted a kiss on my head. I was only 50. Most Fae didn't have babes of their own until their 200s at the youngest. Having twins as young as I did was almost unheard of. But the Autumn Court worked differently than the rest of Prythian.
"How do you feel about having your wings touched in bed?" he questioned. I frowned, thinking that over.
"I've never had them touched like that," I admitted. "I'd like to try it. What about you?"
"I've never had them touched like that, either," he informed me. "But you . . . Gods, you could do anything to me, Eve." I couldn't deny how aroused that confession made me. "Is there anything you don't like in bed?"
"I don't like being severely choked," I replied. "Just a bit is okay, but Elio always squeezed until my face was purple and I felt I would pass out. I didn't like that."
Rage echoed from his end of the bond, but he didn't let it show, save for the flicker in his eyes.
"No hitting in bed. Ever," I declared. "And I don't enjoy name calling."
I realized I sounded like a child with that request, but honestly, the things Elio called me had always stuck with me.
"I don't think I could, even if you asked me to," he said to me.
"And I don't think I can go down on you," I admitted, my face going red as I mumbled the words.
I spared a glance at my scarred wrists, and he immediately understood. He held me closer to him, kissing my head as tears welled up in my eyes. One of the shadows--Raven--wiped the tears while my mate comforted me.
‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙
I sat beside Azriel at dinner that night, my twins sitting across from us. Rhysand was at one head of the table, Astraea on the other. Morrigan sat on my other side, and Cassian sat next to Gideon.
The entire family had gushed words of congratulations to Azriel and me, and I had smiled sheepishly with a blush on my face.
Azriel's hand had been on my upper thigh throughout the entire meal, beneath my dress, his thumb stroking my inner thigh. And while it was meant as a comforting gesture, it was driving me wild.
"Good news," Rhys spoke up. "I arranged a meeting with the other High Lords today. I confronted Beron, and you and the twins can now safely leave Velaris."
"Oh, thank you," I replied, relief evident in my voice. "He really just backed down?"
"He knows what the other High Lords would do to him if he laid a hand on you," Rhys scoffed. "They all still think of you as the five-year-old girl that jumped into the Dawn Court fountain during a meeting."
I smiled at the memory, at how my father had dragged me out, furious even as the other High Lords and their families laughed. But the twins both turned to stare at me with wide eyes.
"You jumped into the fountain?" Diana asked with amusement.
"I did," I confirmed with a nod. "It was hot, and a meeting like that is very boring for a five-year-old. What's more embarrassing, is that was the first time I ever met your father. What an amazing first impression I made."
"Really?" Gideon chimed in, brows furrowed.
"Gods, he must've been in his 20s by then," I murmured, doing the math in my head. "If I remember correctly, he had to hold back your Aunt Eden to keep her from jumping in with me."
They both laughed real, genuine laughs at that. Seeing them laugh, or even smile, had been so rare once they had gotten older.
"How is Aunt Eden?" Gideon asked me when the laughter ceased.
"Oh, she's wonderful," I beamed. "We still write to each other. Her husband lets her live on her own and do as she wishes, but they remain good friends. She's been with a female for a few years now, and I believe they're living together."
"Could we visit her sometime?" Diana wondered.
"Of course," I nodded. "I can write to her about it."
A vacation to the Summer Court would do me good. I hadn't been since I was sixteen. Mother used to take us for the Summer Solstice every year.
"Only if I can go with you," Astraea chimed in.
"Oh, me too," Mor grinned. "Even if Cassian will have to stay here."
"Why can't Cass go?" I asked, brows furrowed as I turned to the male. Cassian grumbled something under his breath, his face heating as the attention turned to him. "What?"
"He got banned for destroying a building," Azriel told me.
"I was flying, I lost control," Cassian muttered. "It really wasn't a big deal. Nobody was in the building."
"You destroyed a buildings just from losing control?" I doubted, quirking a brow.
"I was drunk," he defended himself, raising his voice. "Besides, it was Rhys's idea to play air tag, and he was chasing me."
I snorted, remembering how competitive air tag used to get when we were children. Astraea would watch, yelling warnings and cautions at us as we flew through the air. Azriel had broken his arm getting shoved into a tree once.
"Still, an entire building--"
"It wasn't that big of a building!" he insisted. "And to be banned for something so miniscule--"
"You also fought back and resisted the guards when they detained you," Astraea reminded him.
"I was drunk," he grumbled again.
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Azriel's bedroom in the House was much different than the bare room of the town house. This was had a canopy bed with deep blue sheets. The walls were the same shade, and unlike most rooms in the House, there were no windows.
He went over to the bed, and I watched as he pulled two knives out from under the blue pillows, placing them on his nightstand.
"Just to be safe," he explained to me.
I snorted, thinking how unfortunate it would've been to be impaled by one of those while I slept, or during sex.
I wondered where else he had hidden weapons. The only mess I could find in the entire room was an unorganized pile of paperwork on his ebony desk.
He turned back to me, his shadows clinging to him. The deep lust in his eyes only sparked arousal through me.
"Now that we've spoken of boundaries . . . " I began, too embarrassed to ask. He neared me, lifting my chin so I was forced to look at him.
"You'll tell me when you don't like something," he instructed. "And if you need me to stop anything, you tug on the bond. Understood?" I nodded. "I need words, princess."
"Understood," I whispered, breath hitching.
"You have no idea what you just got yourself into," he smirked.
He waved his hand, and my clothes were gone. I squealed, my breasts peaking against the cold.
"If it's too much for you, just let me know," he reminded me.
"No, it's fine," I promised, shivering against the air. "It just caught me off guard."
He grinned again as something appeared in his hand. A shadow wrapped around my wrists, lifting my hands above my head. I tried to tug them down, but I couldn't.
Azriel took the ribbon in his hand and wrapped it around my head, tying it so I was blindfolded.
Two shadows swirled around me, holding me in place with the other keeping my hands above my head. My wings flared as I tried to get away, but my attempts were futile. Azriel stood behind me, his scarred hands moving down my body. I whimpered and bit my lip.
"Can you be a good girl, Evie?" he asked darkly. I nodded desperately. "Words, darling."
"Yes, yes, I can," I promised.
"Yes, sir," he corrected.
I blushed and kept my mouth shut. He pinched my peaked nipple in his fingers until I squeaked from the pain.
"Yes, sir," I finally blurted.
I groaned as his lips moved to my neck. I felt him sucking, biting, and marking me as his. And I loved it. I squealed as his hand moved between my legs while he worked on my neck.
"How else can your shadows join in the fun?" I wondered, panting.
"Oh, you want something more?"
"Maybe."
"So many options to choose from, Evelina," he mused. "I could make you feel pain, pleasure, or both. What do you want?"
"I want it all," I begged. "Please, Az. I want the pain and the pleasure."
"Are you absolutely sure?" he wondered.
"I want it," I insisted, only wanting his hand between my legs again. "I trust you."
"Tug on the bond when it's too much. When you've reached your limit."
"I will," I promised him.
His lips moved to my neck. He pressed his mouth against the soft skin and bit down, his teeth sinking in. He tugged at my hair to give him further access. I whimpered but didn't want him to stop.
"More," I begged, desperate as my core ached with desire.
"You like this?" he taunted. I nodded. "Words."
"Yes, sir," I gritted out.
"It seems I've already broken you," he murmured against my neck.
Suddenly, all sensation of him disappeared. I whimpered, tugging at the restraints, but he placed a scarred finger to my lips as he stepped in front of me.
"You are mine, Evelina Estrella."
I let out a desperate moan as his mouth closed around my breast. I felt another sensation lower down, his shadow, messing with the bundle of nerves that gave me so much pleasure.
"Az," I whispered, wincing as he grazed his teeth against my nipple. He rolled the other between his fingers. "Want your mouth, please."
"Such a good job asking what you want," he praised, sinking to his knees.
Two of his shadows replaced where he had been, tugging and teasing at my nipples. His lips closed around my core. I let out a cry of pleasure, my head thrown back.
Two scarred fingers entered me as he sucked on the bundle of nerves that made me see stars. The texture of his scars inside of me was still one of the greatest things I'd ever felt.
I didn't care how loud my moans were--it felt too good. Besides, Rhys and Astraea were the only ones staying here tonight, and they were likely still in the dining room.
The way he curled his fingers inside of me was perfect. Nobody had ever known my body so well.
"Fuck," I whimpered, trying my best to fight the overstimulation. But his shadows held me tight. His fingers hit a spot that made me scream. "Oh, Gods! Gods, I'm gonna--"
"Ask permission," he spoke against my core.
"Please, please, may I?" I begged.
"You may," he granted.
I came with an undignified moan, seeing starlight against the blindfold. My legs were shaking so badly that he had to use his free hand to steady them.
I panted as his shadows released me. My arms were sore as I brought them back to my sides. Az scooped me up and carried me to the bed.
He removed my blindfold and immediately kissed me. I could taste my release on his tongue, which only made me more aroused.
He flipped us around so that I was on top. Feeling a bit more in control, I ran my closed hand up and down his shaft, making sure he was ready.
I raised my hips, and slowly--so slowly--lowered myself onto his cock. I let out a harsh breath, the stretch still so painful. Once I was able to sit, I took a few seconds to let myself get used to the fit.
"Do you want it gentle or hard?" he asked me, his hand coming up to cup my cheek.
"You can be rough with me," I decided.
"Are you sure?" he clarified, quirking a brow.
"Yes, please," I begged, grinding my hips against him to spur him on.
The smirk on his face almost made me regret my words. He gripped my hips, fingers digging into the skin, and forced me up and down on his cock. I cried out at the addicting pain.
He rolled us over, so that he was on top again. Once we'd adjusted to the new position, he began drilling into me again, absolutely relentless.
"Please, please, please," I whimpered, not even sure what I was begging for.
He took one of my legs and placed it over his shoulder. I moaned at the new angle, tears forming in my eyes as he found a spot that made me scream.
"Oh, does that feel good?" he teased me. I nodded through my sobs, unable to form words. "Words, Princess."
"Y-Yes," I managed. A warning glance made me realize my mistake. "Yes, sir."
One of his hands closed around my throat, just enough to cause slight discomfort. I groaned as he took his thumb and began to stroke my lower lip while still choking me.
His shadows began abusing my clit and nipples, and I shrieked at the overstimulation. My moans grew louder as I sobbed and squirmed beneath him, absolutely lost in the pleasure.
A coil tightened in my stomach, a burning desire unlike any I'd felt before. He took his free hand and ran a finger down the tendon of my wing. I gasped, squirming against him and the shadows.
"Too much," I moaned.
He was pounding into me, his shadows playing with my clit and nipples, his hand around my neck, stroking my wings. I'd never experienced overstimulation like it before.
"You can handle it, darling," he promised. "Just tug on the bond if you really need me to stop."
I nodded, resting my head back and letting him do all the work. His shadows began to work harder and I realized how close I was.
"Holy shit," I moaned, my nails digging into his back. "Gods, can I cum, please?"
"How bad do you want it?" he grunted.
"So badly, please," I sobbed, the coil dangerously close to snapping. "Please, Az." One of his shadows, probably Nisha, nipped my clit. "Ow! Sir, I mean sir."
"Give it another minute," he decided.
I whined, but obeyed. His shadows slowed down so I wouldn't lose control, or maybe that was my punishment for whining.
Azriel's eyes shut tight, a grunt leaving his lips. It was my sign that he was close.
"We'll cum together, okay?" he offered. I nodded desperately.
He released into me with a groan as I moaned and came hard on his cock. My eyes rolled back into my head as he continued to stroke my wings through it.
When I finally came down from my high, his shadows released me and he pulled out. I felt his release combined with mine dripping down my thighs.
I couldn't move. My eyelids fluttered and my core was sore and dripping. I let out a satisfied sigh as Az lay next to me. I curled up at his side.
"You were so good, Evie," he praised me.
"Really?" I asked, my cheeks turning pink. He nodded and planted a loving kiss on my forehead.
I remembered how many times I'd endured Elio's rage during sex. I thought about how I would fight back tears as his hands wrapped around my neck and he rammed into me relentlessly. I remembered the bruises that would remain on my neck and wrists.
I'd taken it all without complaining for years, and he'd never once praised me for it. And I had taken it so well.
Az seemed to be able to sense my thoughts through the bond. His eyes grew soft and he wrapped his arms around me.
"Let's go wash up," he requested.
I mumbled protests, but he stood up and picked me up bridal style. He carried me to the already full bathtub and set me in it. I moaned as the hot water submerged me.
He climbed in with me and I put my wings away before nestling against his chest. He chuckled and held me to him. He began kissing the bite marks and hickeys he had left on my neck. The loving pecks eased the remaining pain.
"Gods, I love you," I managed, relaxing against him.
"I love you, too," he said quietly. "Do you want a mating ceremony?"
"No," I declined, shaking my head. "I want a wedding."
"A wedding?" he repeated.
"Yes," I confirmed. "As ridiculous as it sounds, I have been planning my wedding since I was five years old. But with Elio, it was arranged and rushed. I didn't even get to pick out my dress. I want to marry you in a beautiful wedding and I want to plan every detail."
"Whatever you want, you shall have, my love."
"When Mor and I were children, we used to plan our future weddings together," I recalled. "And I always imagined it was you I'd be marrying."
Chapter 48
Notes:
I know it's been a while, I'm so sorry. I'm getting back on schedule, though. Sorry if this isn't very good. Been having a rough time writing lately. Eventually, I'll go through and do some editing and add more details.
Chapter Text
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I woke late the next morning, finding a piece of parchment on my pillow. I grumbled, sitting up and blinking the sleep from my eyes. I picked up the paper, reading the note left on it.
I didn't want to wake you. Had to leave to train this morning. I'll be back in an hour.
I sighed deeply, remembering that Cassian expected me to begin training with him the next morning. Azriel and I had stopped after the fight we'd had, when he had revealed the bond. And after I accepted, we decided training together during our frenzy wouldn't be very productive.
I hated that Az was so opposed to waking me up in the mornings. I wanted that extra time with him before he had to wake up.
His bedroom was so nice, so clean. Just as I expected it would be. I climbed out of my bed, having it made with the wave of my hand. I summoned a silk robe from my bedroom, slipping it on.
As I neared his desk, covered in a mess of paperwork, a small note appeared at the edge. I quirked a brow, picking up the note.
Evelina,
Beron is away in the Spring Court on business. He has instructed my mother to clear out everything that belonged to you and the twins before he gets back. She instructed me to ask if any of you want anything you had left behind. Don't answer me now, but send back a list tonight. I shall meet you on the border of Autumn and Summer with your things tomorrow at dusk.
-Eris
A soft smile formed on my lips. Eris had always been much more thoughtful than he gave himself credit for. I decided to visit the twins this afternoon and have them make their lists.
I wandered into the bathroom, deciding that another bath would do me well. I filled it with hot water and dropped my robe before stepping into the large tub.
I groaned, my sore muscles soothing in the water. Azriel had worn me out last night. Since the bond had snapped, I couldn't do anything without wanting him.
I wondered how long he'd been training, and when he'd be back. Just an hour without him was too much, too long. I needed him by my side.
I relaxed, soaking in the tub for twenty minutes before I decided it was time to get dressed. I sighed, pulling the plug of the tub and getting out.
Just as I stepped away from the tub, the bathroom door slid open, and my mate appeared before me.
Seeing me bare, dripping wet, made his scent shift. He was ripping his clothes off and bending me over the bathroom counter before I could say a word.
I moaned as he shoved himself into me with no warning, the stretch a perfect mix of pain and pleasure. He slammed his hips against mine with no mercy.
I cried out, my eyes rolling into the back of my head as he fucked me relentlessly.
"Shit, Evie," he gritted out as I whined. "So tight for me."
"Gods, Az," I panted, my hands flat against the counter.
His hand tangled into my hair and he yanked my head back, forcing my back to arch. His shadows swirled around me, pleasuring and massaging the rest of my body.
"Perfect for me," he grunted.
I could've cum from the praise alone. But he was nowhere near done with me yet.
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After I had eaten breakfast, and Azriel had left for a short mission, I decided to visit Rhys in his office. Eris's letter had inspired something in me. It made me want to get my life together, and fix everything that had been broken from my marriage.
"Morning, Starling," Rhysand greeted me from his desk. I sat myself in the chair I usually knit in while he worked.
"I want to talk to you about a few things," I said to him. He frowned, glancing up from his paperwork.
"What's going on?" he asked me.
"I'd like to continue my education," I spoke up. He raised a brow. "I had three years left of schooling when Father married me off. I'd like to complete it."
"We can do that," he assured me. "I'll send for the books you need. Is that all?"
"I'd like Diana to continue hers as well," I explained. "In the Autumn Court, females stop their education at the age of ten. I'd like her to know more than just the basics."
"I'll have to see what she's already learned, but we can do that," he said, jotting it down on a spare piece of paper.
"One more thing," I said, staring at my hands. "I would like to change my last name back to Estrella. I have no interest in being a Vanserra any longer."
"I figured," he chuckled softly. "I just need to collect the paperwork."
"Thank you," I said to my brother, getting to my feet. "I need to go see the twins."
"Don't forget you have a counseling session this afternoon," he reminded me, glancing back up as I neared the door.
"I won't," I called to him while leaving the room.
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I met with Gideon and Diana in her apartment, the three of us sitting at her dining room table, sharing a meal that she had made.
"I just need to two of you to make lists for me to send back to your Uncle Eris this afternoon," I was telling them.
"There are really only a few things I need," Gideon spoke up. "What are you asking for, Mother?"
"I'm getting a dress I loved and that portrait of the three of us," I said.
"That's all?" Diana asked me. "You left everything behind there. What about the things you brought with you from home when you first arrived?"
"I wasn't allowed to bring anything from home," I admitted. "They even made me get rid of the dress I was wearing when I arrived."
"That must've been awful," Diana expressed. "You were so young, Mother."
"That's all behind me now, love," I assured her, smiling sadly. "Rhys is getting paperwork gathered for me to change my last name back. I just can't stand being Evelina Vanserra anymore. If you two would like to take my maiden name, he can do that for you, as well."
Gideon and Diana exchanged a glance, then looked back at me with a nod. "We'd like that."
"And Diana, you and I will complete our educations," I added.
"I thought I completed mine," Diana spoke up, frowning at me.
"In the Night Court, education goes from ages seven to twenty. Even for females," I informed her. "In Autumn, you didn't get proper schooling, and it ended when you were ten."
"That's ten more years," she complained with a grumble. I smiled at her, amused.
"Don't worry, it won't take up much of your day," I promised. "You can do it all on your own with the books Rhys gets for you. I'll even help you."
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Azriel and I kept each other up for most of the night, the frenzy driving both of us wild. We weren't getting much sleep lately, so I was tired most of the time.
The next day, I went out with Rhys to collect the books Diana and I would need. I spent the afternoon reviewing things I'd learned years ago. But it had been so long.
When dusk came around, I was ready to meet with Eris. I got dressed in something warm, remembering the chill of the Autumn Court quite well.
I hadn't told anybody in my family about it, except for the children. I knew they would all discourage me. None of them cared to listen when I told them Eris wasn't so bad. And a part of me understood. They didn't know the truth of what happened between him and Mor, and it wasn't my place to tell them. I hadn't brought him up at all around Mor. I wouldn't do that to her.
I winnowed to the border or the Summer and Autumn Court, stepping into the orange trees. I leaned against a tree trunk, sending my exact location to Eris's mind.
Eris appeared just moments later, lugging three large bags with him. I grinned, stepping over to him.
"One bag for each of you," Eris said, handing them over to me.
I took them from him, noticing how light they all were. Diana and Gideon must've not needed much.
"Thank you, Er," I smiled, setting the bags down.
"Don't call me that," he replied with a glare. I only beamed at him.
"This means a lot to me," I insisted. "Tell your mother thank you. And . . . tell her I'm sorry that I left her behind."
"Eve, she doesn't blame you," Eris said to me. "Not for having to leave her, or for Elio's death." My head shot up, my wide eyes meeting his amber ones.
"I didn't have anything to do--"
"We're not fools, Eve," he dismissed me. "But we also understand. Mother understands more than any of us. And of course she grieves him, but she grieves the boy he once was. Not the cruel male he grew into."
"That . . . that makes me feel better," I admitted. "But tell her I'm sorry, anyway. And tell her I miss her."
"I will," he said. "And she misses you, too."
Chapter 49: 𝔠𝔥𝔞𝔭𝔱𝔢𝔯 𝔣𝔬𝔯𝔱𝔶-𝔫𝔦𝔫𝔢
Chapter Text
‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙
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When I arrived back at the House of Wind, lugging three bags with me, I went straight to my bedroom.
I decided that avoiding questions from my family was the best way to go. I wasn't looking forward to explaining that I had met with Eris Vanserra on the border of the Autumn Court. I did not need that lecture at the moment.
I would bring the twins' their bags later, but for now, I would keep them propped against the deep blue walls of my room. The stars my mother had painted on them were still a vibrant white, enchanted to glow when the lights were off.
It didn't feel like my room. Not truly. It was my childhood room. The violet sheets the ones I was tucked into by my mother as a little girl, the lavender canopy the one that made me feel like a true princess when I was young.
Being in my old room was bittersweet. A sweet nostalgic feeling crept over me, but trumping it was a sad, deep longing. It only reminded me of better times. When I was a spoiled child who had never suffered a day in her life. When my mother was alive. And when I still believed that my father loved me.
No, I much preferred Azriel's bedroom to mine. Even if it didn't have any windows. When we got a place of our own, I would insist on windows in our bedroom. Maybe even a skylight so we could stare at the stars as we drifted off.
I sat on my old bed, dragging my bag onto it with me. As I carefully untied it, a soft smile formed on my lips. The bag must've been enchanted, because the portrait inside was much too big to fit.
I pulled the portrait from the bag, smiling at the large, framed painting. Me with the children. Just the three of us. I was standing behind them, a smile on my face. It was painted before Elio had managed to destroy the last ounce of joy in me.
The children were around ten, standing in front of me, one of my hands on each of their shoulders. They were smiling, too. Once they got older, smiles were rare from them.
Diana and I were wearing matching dresses, ones I'd had made for us specifically. I'd tried to get them done in Night Court colors, but Beron had put a stop to that the second he got wind of it. So we were in silk gowns of deep maroon, black lace adorning them. Gideon wore a suit of the same colors.
I decided I would hang it in the foyer of whatever home Azriel and I moved into together. I would get one done of Azriel and me for the sitting room. Maybe the twins could join us in that one, but only if they were comfortable with it.
Beneath the portrait rested the dress I had worn to my 26th birthday celebration. Deep red, and velvet. Short sleeves with wide shoulder lines, and a ruby broach meeting in the middle of the neckline. Roses and pearls adorned the short sleeves.
I felt something tugging my hair, and I whirled around, only to realize it was one of Az's shadows. Isra. I sighed, giving her a look.
"Is he looking for me?" I asked her.
She soared up as confirmation, then whirled in a circle around my head. I chuckled, rolling my eyes.
"Come on, then," I decided, getting to my feet. "Take me to him."
She shot forward, and I had to urge her to slow down. She led me down the halls until we arrived at my mate's bedroom.
"Isra was growing impatient," I teased as I entered the room.
He was standing by the bed, shedding all the hidden weapons from his leathers. It was amazing to me the places he managed to hide them. It wasn't like his leathers were bulky in any way.
"She missed you," he said, glancing up to meet my eyes.
"Oh, I'm just it was just Isra who missed me," I grinned, wrapping my arms around his neck as I neared him.
"We're miserable when we're away from you," he smirked, his scarred hands on my waist.
"You were only away from me for a few hours," I reminded him.
"Still," he murmured before pressing his lips to mine. When I pulled away, I rested my forehead against his. "I need to bathe, love."
"May I join you?"
"Always."
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Neither of us got much sleep that night. Yet, I'd woken well rested in his arms, both of us bare. It was a Sunday, and he got Sunday's off, spare for emergencies. So we both got to sleep in.
After another roll in the sheets, we were up and dressed for the day. I wondered when the frenzy would end. Not that I minded, at all. But I was always sore, now. Of course, if I told him I wanted a break, he would comply happily. But I couldn't help myself when I saw him, despite how sore I was.
When we got downstairs, only Astraea and Rhys were at the breakfast, the both of them looking exhausted. Astraea shot us a glare when we entered the kitchen, something very out of character for her.
"You two are moving out," Rhys announced as we sat down.
Azriel and I both froze on the spot, exchanging a confused glance before turning back to Rhys.
"What?" I demanded.
"Astraea and I aren't able to sleep," he said to us. "You two are at it like rabbits at every time of the day and night."
"And we know you aren't keeping it contained to the bedroom," Astraea grumbled over her cup of coffee.
"It's just the frenzy," I flushed, not able to look them in the eyes. "We've only been mated for five days."
"Exactly," Rhys said. "It should've at least died down by now."
"It's not our fault," Azriel mumbled from beside me. I turned to see his cheeks deep red, just as mine were.
"I'm looking at houses for the both of you today," Rhys said.
"Rhys, I have no money," I pointed out to him.
"All the money I have his inherited from our father," Rhys assured me. "As my sister, what's mine is yours. I'll give you access to the account."
"We don't even know what we're looking for at the moment," Azriel reasoned with him.
"That's why I'll find a wide variety of options for you," he said. "Let's start with how many bedrooms you want."
I glanced at my mate, the two of us having a quick mental conversation to compare our opinions.
"Three bedrooms is fine," I spoke up. "One for us, and two guest rooms. That way if Gideon and Diana spend the night, there's a room for each of them."
"And if you have more children?" he asked, jotting it down in a notebook he had summoned. Az and I exchanged another glance.
"We've both agreed children are a century or two away," I said. "By then, we'll find another house if we need to."
"Something like the town house should be fine," Azriel agreed with me, his hand resting on my knee. "We have no use for a house as big as this one." I nodded.
"I'll get to that today," Rhys said as he finished writing. "Eve, you and the twins will meet in my office this afternoon. I have the papers for you to sign."
"Really?" my eyes shot to his, a smile on my face.
"Yes," he confirmed. "And I have school books for both you and Diana."
"She'll be thrilled," I said sarcastically. "But she needs this. And so do I. Thank you."
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The twins and I met with Rhys that afternoon, all of us nervous, but excited. We needed to distance ourself from the Vanserra name. None of us had any love left for it, it seemed.
Once we were done signing the papers, in our new last name, Rhys pulled out books from under his desk.
"Eve, you don't have much left," he said to me. "Three years will go by in a flash. I'll start you off with a book for just the next year, though."
I gave my thanks as I took the thick book from him. I'd always held resentment towards my father for not allowing me to finish my education before he married me off.
"Diana, you have much longer," he sighed. "But just take it one year at a time. You really only need to dedicate an hour a day to it."
He handed her her own book. Guilt tugged at my chest. She was twenty years old and only just now learning things I had been taught at eleven. I should've fought harder for her to continue when she was a child.
I had argued with both Beron and Elio for months, only to be shot down each time. But with an education, she would have an opportunity of a job, a life without a husband. They couldn't have that.
"Thank you," she grinned, taking the book.
After getting passed her irritation, she had found herself excited. She'd always been jealous of her brother for getting to continue schooling while she was taught to cook and clean.
Looking at them, I felt a sense of pride. The three of us were at a new chapter in our life. We'd continued training the morning before, and while Gideon didn't have much to learn, Diana was finally learning to use and control her flames.
Since magic was forbidden for females in Autumn, she'd always had so much anger built up in her. A lot of it was due to the flames she wasn't able to use. That power left unused caused her so much rage.
I had always dreamed of a life for the three of us, away from Autumn and their father. Ever since I'd first held them in my arms.
Chapter 50: 𝔣𝔦𝔣𝔱𝔶*
Chapter Text
‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙
‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙
A month later, we still hadn't found a place we both liked. Rhys had shown us many different houses, but nothing we could picture ourselves in. It was nice, though. A year ago, I wouldn't have imagined that I would be looking for a house with my mate.
The mundane activities were some of my favorite things. Reading together, cuddling in the morning, cooking breakfast, eating dinner. Just the two of us. I didn't care what we did as long as we were together.
I was cooking dinner for the family, Isra swirling around my wings playfully while I seasoned the stew. Azriel was leaning against the counter, his arms crossed as he watched me. I glanced back at him, smiling.
"Are you planning on helping me?" I asked.
"I prefer to watch," he answered simply with a slight shrug.
I just chuckled, beginning to stir the stew in a clockwise motion. My mother always told me that it was bad luck to stir counterclockwise.
"It just needs to sit for a bit more," I declared, placing a lid on the pot.
Azriel hummed, stepping over to me. I smiled contently as he wrapped his arms around me from behind, his warmth swallowing me up.
I leaned back into his strong body, savoring the comfort for a moment. I closed my eyes as his shadows wrapped around the both of us.
I shifted slightly, moving to get more comfortable, but froze when I felt him harden against my lower back. Arousal pooled in my core, and I knew he sensed it without even having to look back at him.
Without a word, he bent me over the kitchen counter, bunching up my skirt and pulling my underthings down. He took him cock out, and I whined as he dragged it up and down my folds.
"Please," I breathed, desperate to feel him inside of me.
I let out a guttural moan as he sank me into me with a grunt.
I was too caught up in my pleasure to notice that anyone had walked into the room. In fact, I didn't realize until Morrigan's shriek pierced through the room.
"Ew, not in the kitchen!" she squealed, covering her eyes.
I snapped up, off of the counter, and Azriel pulled out of me immediately, tucking himself back into his pants. I lifted my underthings back up and smoothed down my skirt.
"Sorry," I cringed, my face red.
Azriel mumbled an apology of his own, his shadows clinging to him as though trying to hide him from sight.
"You two need a find a new place to live very soon," she seethed, her hands still over her eyes.
"We're looking for one!" I defended.
"Look harder!" she yelled, finally lowering her hands, her brown eyes narrowed at us. "Or at least keep your frenzy confined to the bedroom!"
"It's not that easy," I said to her. "You try being newly mated." She groaned, wrinkling her nose. "Just don't tell anyone, please."
"We are not eating that stew, Evelina," she snapped.
‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙
Mor mercifully didn't tell anybody about what she saw. If she had, Azriel and I would've likely gotten sent to the Town House until we moved into a new place.
Unfortunately, I had been unable to face my cousin all day. So while Azriel was working, I was hiding away in Rhysand's office. He did paperwork, paying me no mind while I sat in the chair, studying.
I huffed, glaring down at the book, trying to comprehend what I was reading. I felt like throwing the book across the room.
"I feel so fucking stupid," I grumbled, slamming the book shut and looking up at my brother.
"You're not stupid, you just need to review," he murmured, not even glancing up from the paperwork he was doing.
"I'll never finish my education," I complained. "It's too late for me. It's been too long."
Rhys sighed, finally meeting my eyes. His gaze was sympathetic.
"If Mother were here, what would she say?" he asked me.
I blinked at the mention of my mother, staring down at the book in my lap, hearing her voice in my head.
"She would tell me not to talk like that," I murmured. "And she'd say that if I put in the work, everything would be okay."
"Right," he nodded. "You just need to put in the work, Eve. If you need to start at a lower level, that's fine. There's no shame in it."
I nodded, even if the thought of going down a level made a lump form in my throat. I blinked back tears, not able to meet Rhys's eyes.
"I hate Father for not letting me finish my education," I whispered, my lower lip wobbling against my will.
That pain, that betrayal of being sold off so young had always stayed fresh, even three decades later. And still, I could not bring myself to forgive him. I didn't care that he was dead. I didn't care that I would never see him again.
I spent my entire childhood believing that he truly loved me. And I loved him so much. As a child, I looked up to him. And I trusted him with my life. I thought that he would always protect me.
It would've been less painful if he'd been cruel to me my entire life. At least then I would've expected it from him.
What hurt worse than him marrying me off was him ignoring my letter--my cry for help. The fact that he knew what was happening to me, and he did nothing about it. That hurt the most.
"I know, Starling," Rhys said quietly.
He didn't need to say much, and neither did I. We both understood each other quite well without words. We always had.
"Could you take me to visit Mother's grave?" I asked Rhys, sniffling as I wiped my eyes.
I still hadn't been, though I'd been trying to work up the nerve for weeks, now. I hadn't felt ready, yet. But talking about her, thinking about what she'd say to me now, that helped.
"Of course," he said softly. "She and Angelina are buried here in Velaris, on the grounds of that temple Mother always loved."
"They aren't buried on the Hewn City mountains?" I asked.
It was tradition that High Lords of the Night Court and their families were buried on the mountain above the Hewn City. I figured that was where we would all go.
"Father is buried there," Rhys confirmed. "But in those last years of their lives, Mother wanted nothing more than to be free of him. I figured I could at least give her that in death. So she and Angelina are buried far from him. And when I die, I'd like to be with them, as well."
"Me too," I nodded. "When can we go?"
"Tonight, if you'd like," he offered.
‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙
Rhys and I decided to walk to the temple, neither of us in a hurry to get there. And I loved walking through the streets of Velaris. It was comforting, nostalgic.
Everyone knew me, here. And many had known me since I was a child. It was nice catching up with people I'd known my entire life.
"The people of Velaris really missed you," Rhys said to me. "Every time I went on, I had people asking if I'd heard from you. They'd ask how you were doing."
"Really?" I asked, the thought warming my heart. He nodded.
"They love their princess," he said. "They loved little Angelina, too. I think it was good for them to get you back after losing her. It was good for me, too."
I nodded, looping my arm with his as we walked along.
"I wish I'd known her," I murmured. "She was my sister, and I only got to meet her once."
"She always wanted to know you, too," he recalled. "She loved when we told her stories about you. Every time Azriel talked about you, she would tease him for being in love with you. She'd ask what you were like, and when she could see you again."
It felt surreal, knowing I'd had a sister. She had been sweet when I met her, but the fact that I never got a chance to get close to her broke my heart.
"I can't believe anyone could hurt an innocent child," I murmured. "She didn't do anything to deserve that."
"No, she didn't," Rhys whispered, blinking back the tears that were clouding his vision.
When we arrived at the temple, Rhys took me through a door in the back that led to the graveyard. He led me to the very back, where a joint headstone sat.
On the slab of stone, their names were written out.
Iridessa Estrella.
Lady of the Night Court, loving mother.
Angelina Estrella.
Beloved Princess, daughter, and sister.
Atop the stone laid the statue of a winged woman, leaned over and caressing the grave, as though weeping over it.
I knelt down in front of the grave, reaching a hand out to trace the letters of my mother's name. A sob caught in the back of my throat.
"I'll give you some space if you want time alone with her," Rhys said quietly.
I just nodded my head, and he simply winnowed away, leaving me by myself. With nobody watching, I let the tears go, sobs falling from my lips.
"I miss you, Mama," I cried, leaning my forehead against the gravestone. "It's not fair. And I hate that the only reason I'm back home is because of you're death. If you being alive meant I would still be in the Autumn Court, I would take that chance in a second. I hate that I've found happiness because of your death, Mommy. I'm so sorry."
I hadn't been able to admit that feeling to anyone. Not Rhys. Not even Azriel. But the guilt had been slowly eating at me for the last two months I'd been home.
"I can't do this without you," I sobbed. "I don't want to live without you. I don't know how."
I sat there for what felt like hours, crying my heart out and whispering things I'd kept locked away since I'd learned of her death.
And I realized it hadn't truly felt real to me. Not until I'd seen the evidence of her death.
Chapter 51: 𝔠𝔥𝔞𝔭𝔱𝔢𝔯 𝔣𝔦𝔣𝔱𝔶
Notes:
Hello everyone! I would just like to apologize for not updating for so long. I just started a trade school in October that takes up most of the day, but I am going to do better about dedicating at least thirty minutes a day to writing.
Also, I unfortunately live in America. I have heard rumors that Wattpad and AO3 may be targeted by project 2025, but of course, these are just rumors, I'm not sure how true they are. If this does happen, I would just keep updating somewhere else. I'm backing up all my stories so I have them and can move them to another platform if it comes to that. If you want to, follow me on tumblr(velarisnightsky444), and if this were to happen, I would post where I moved my stories to there, or I'd just keep updating from there.
Anyway, if you go to Evelina's Pinterest board, I saved pins that I used for inspiration for their town house. Go to my tumblr, press on Stargirl in the Azriel section of my Masterlist(pinned), and it's linked there.
Chapter Text
A month passed, and I had fallen into a perfectly wonderful routine. My life was a dream--an unbelievable dream that I never thought I could achieve. If I had been told me year ago the life I would be living, I would've broken down sobbing and called the messenger a cruel bastard for giving me such hope.
But it was real. It wasn't a dream, though every time I closed my eyes, I feared I would open them and be back in my old life. The only thing that would've made it perfect would be my mother and my baby sister by my side.
In the last month, mornings had gone from my least favorite to my most cherished part of the day. Azriel and I had tracked our families routines, just so we could have to kitchen to ourselves.
Cassian was already done with breakfast by the crack of dawn, whereas Rhys tended to eat breakfast around eight in the morning. Astraea slept until nine, and Morrigan sometimes didn't emerge from her room until noon.
Therefore, Azriel and I had discovered that six o'clock was the perfect time to wake up. We spent a while waking each other up with kisses, touches, and sighs of pleasure. Then, we got dressed and were in the kitchen by seven.
We had an entire hour to ourselves, where we both cooked our breakfast together, or ate whatever leftovers Cassian had. Then, we ate together, just talking and cherishing our time alone.
On week days, Azriel would go off to work, and I would go to the roof to train with Cassian. He only trained me for an hour every morning, but I was starting to feel stronger. I could feel myself gaining muscle, could feel movements becoming easier.
As for my powers, I was having to learn how to use them again, for the first time in decades. My father had trained them quite well when I was growing up, but going so long without them, I had lost my control. I could use my powers, but not precisely. Rhysand usually came in and to help me with that section of training, since we had the same powers. He said that I improved everyday.
Once I was done training, I would complete my lessons for the day. Sometimes I went to Rhysand's office, studying while he did his paperwork. But when he was out for the day, I found myself in the library. The Priestesses were all welcoming and kind, and some of them had even helped me with my studies when I didn't comprehend some things.
Usually, lessons only took up an hour or two of my time, and as I reviewed more, I began to pick up on the material. I would be done by noon, which was around the time I had my counseling sessions. Those only lasted an hour, but they were emotionally draining on me at times, and I would often need time to recuperate afterwards.
By then, I liked to meet with my twins for a late lunch at the town house. It would just be the three of us, and I found that I liked it that way.
As much as I loved being with the rest of my family, there was something special about having time alone with my children. They were really the only ones who understood what I had gone through.
My family sympathized, but Diana and Gideon were there. I didn't have to explain myself to them when I flinched at every loud sound, or when I began to feel myself shutting down. And they knew what to do when it happened, because they had grown up in the same environment that had created my trauma.
The twins and I would usually venture to the House of Wind after lunch, spending the rest of the day with the family until it was time for dinner. By then, Azriel returned from work, and we would all have a large family dinner. Azriel and I would retire to our bedroom after, bathe, and ger ready for bed.
But today was Sunday, which meant he didn't have to work, and I had no lessons or counseling. The morning was already off to a comfortable start, the two of us eating Cassian's leftover eggs and toast. These comfortable domestic moments were some of my favorites. I never had that with Elio, even before the abuse started.
"Don't think about him right now," Azriel said gently, feeling my change of demeanor through the bond. I cleared my throat, staring down at my plate in slight shame, not able to meet his eyes.
"How is he?" I dared to ask.
I hadn't seen him, or even asked about him, since I had carved his eyes out. Neither had the twins. At the question, Isra flew away from Azriel, across the table, and over to me. She swirled around me, as though trying to lift my spirits.
"Not well, but we're keeping him alive," Azriel managed.
"We're?" I murmured. "I thought Rhys and Cassian didn't often join in on torturing your prisoners?"
"They made an exception," he explained with a slight shrug. "They used to beat up the boys in our camp for making objectifying comments about you; of course they're torturing the male that tormented and nearly killed you."
I rolled my eyes slightly, remembering how protective they had been of me in that camp. But with the history of Illyrian males treatment of females, I didn't blame them.
"I found the house," the voice of my twin spoke up in my head.
"How many times have I told you not to interrupt my mornings?" I replied.
"Oh, I'm well aware," he scoffed. In fact, a few days prior, he had come down to the kitchen ten minutes prior to when he normally did, and I had thrown my spoon at him. "But this is important. I found the perfect house for the two of you."
The house hunt had not been going well. Rhys had been showing us house after house, and we'd turned down each one. None of them had been right for us.
"Rhys says he found our house," I spoke up to my mate.
"How many times have we heard that one," he snorted, getting to his feet to clear our plates.
"I'll be there to pick you up in ten minutes," Rhys continued. "I'm serious, you'll love this one."
"Fine, but if this isn't the one, we're taking a break from looking," I decided.
Rhys sent confirmation to me, then disappeared from my mind. I sighed, standing and going over to my mate, who was washing our dishes in the sink.
"You know I can do that with my mind, don't you?" I reminded him, leaning against the counter.
"Of course, but you shouldn't have to," he replied, eyes focused as he scrubbed the plate in his scarred hand.
"I don't mind, really," I assured him, placing a hand on his bicep.
"Neither do I," he responded with a soft smile, head turning and eyes meeting mine. My lips turned up, and I raised up on my toes to kiss him softly.
͙⁺˚*・༓☾
The house that Rhys brought us to was much different than the others he had shown us. It was smaller, much more similar to the town house.
In fact, this one was also a town house, just a few streets away from the one our family shared. As we approached, I clutched onto Azriel's hand, his shadows clinging to the both of us as we stared up at the house.
It was small and made of brick, the front door a beautiful shade of deep blue. The many windows promised good lighting inside, which had been a problem with other houses we had looked at. A black picket fence outlined the front yard. Speaking of the front yard, there was a beautiful garden taking up most of it.
"It's beautiful," I whispered. Azriel squeezed my hand, as though silently agreeing with me.
"Wait until you see the inside," Rhys grinned, sauntering ahead of us and letting himself into the gate. We followed after him, my eyes caught on the garden as we neared the front door.
Rhys had the keys for the house, and we stood behind him as he quickly unlocked the door. We stepped inside, and i glanced around, studying the entry.
The left wall was made up of white bookcases, which were empty. Also on the left side was a staircase, the bookcases making their way up with the stairs. Passed the staircase was a hallway that led to a backdoor.
Rhys led us down that hallway, and on the left side of it was the entryway to the sitting room. Though it was empty, I could already imagine how I would decorate it. I could see Azriel and I spending our evenings cuddling on the couch by the fireplace, reading together. I could see the twins and I having tea together. I could see Morrigan, Astraea, and I having our girl time here.
Just like the entryway, the walls were off-white with dark wood beams running through them every foot or so. There was a intricate fireplace made of dark stone and marble in the front of the room.
Rhys led us through the room and to the door on the other side, which led to the kitchen. The kitchen was also an off-white, the floors wooden. The counters were wooden, specifically walnut, if I had to guess. There was a large stove with an oven built into it. There was a white sink with golden faucets, and space in the middle of the room for a table.
He showed us the downstairs bathroom, then led us up the stairs where we were met with a hallway similar to the one downstairs.
There were three rooms, the first two looking very similar. Both were empty with light blue walls and wooden floors. They both got nice lighting, and I could see them being nice guest rooms. Maybe even children's rooms, one day.
And finally, he showed us the master bedroom. The wallpaper was light blue with a white marble effect. There was a stone fireplace on one side of the room, and a lovely window on the wall, right above where our bed would go. On another wall was a door that led to a bathroom and closet.
Azriel and I had been quiet for the majority of the tour. But the moment it was over, a soft smile spread across my face.
"Do you love it as much as I do?" I asked him.
"I really do," he replied.
A sensation of excitement and nerves welled in my stomach as we turned to Rhys, who was watching us carefully.
"You were right, Rhys," I said to him. "It's perfect."