Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Lena sat down in her home office in London, nervously pulling on her fingers. Her fourth world tour was about to start, kicking it at Wembley Stadium, yes the biggest stadium in London, for two nights in a row, then she’d be on a break for two weeks, then off to America. Although she was young, only turning 22, she was one of the biggest stars currently, her name rapidly rising, fame and money and all the joy it brought. She would be ungrateful if she said she wasn’t happy; the thing is the rush only came when she was on stage, and as soon as she got off it all faded, leaving her hollow and empty with an ache she doesn’t know how to soothe.

She craved to be normal, to blend. To have the chance of falling in love with someone and have them fall in love with her for her, not because they loved her fame and the attention dating her brought them, but she quickly learned that it is near impossible, and besides; men aren’t really her type.

The sound of her door opening brought her back to reality, and Lena walked to her front door to find her mother, and a strange woman trailing behind her with bags and a dog.

“Mum?” Lena called with a frown.

“Lena, darling,” her mother gave her a kiss on the cheek. “This is Kara Danvers, the one I told you about.”

“Oh, hello! I’m Lena, how do you do?” Lena helped her with her bags while her mum ushered the dog inside.

“I’m good thanks,” Kara said with a smile as she followed her inside. “What about you?”

“I’m great,” Lena said as they stood face to face in the vast living room. “Let me show you your room so you can get settled before dinner.”

“Yeah, that’d be great.”

As Kara settled in her room, Lena went downstairs to get started on dinner, music softly playing in the kitchen as she danced and listened to her mum talk about their flight from National City, turns out Kara’s mother was friends with Lillian back when they were in college, and Kara needs a place to stay at until she gets settled with her new team, she’s a football player and the season just started, and Lillian helped her out by letting her stay at Lena’s.

“Your room is ready, you can go lie down as I prepare dinner,” Lena said as she turned and looked at her mum. “You look tired.”

“It’s been a long flight,” her mum said, kissing her forehead. “But I want to spend time with you.”

“It’s not just the flight, is it?” Lena asked, a knowing look in her eyes.

“It gets a bit harder this time of the year,” her mum said with a solemn look, then smiled, eyes full of unshed tears. “Let me go and check on Kara, okay?”

“Okay, but we’re definitely going to talk about it later,” Lena said, her tone conveying how serious she is.

“Okay,” her mother promised, making her way upstairs to the guests’ room, where Kara’s currently staying.

It took an hour for their dinner to be ready, Lena announced, surprised to find the table set for two, Kara standing nervously by the door.

“Your mother said she’s tired and not hungry,” Kara said, avoiding looking into her eyes. 

“And?” Lena prompted, knowing that there’s something more.

“She also said that she wanted us to get ‘acquainted with each other’ although I don’t know what she means by that?” Kara was furiously blushing by then, and Lena knew exactly what her mum meant. “By the way, the food smells delicious.”

“Can we ignore what my mother said and eat?” Lena asked, mortified as Kara shrugged with a chuckle and sat down opposite from her, helping herself as she hummed.

“Your mother said you’re a singer and that you write your own songs?”

“Yeah, nothing too fancy though, I’m alright.”

“Well, you’re just being humble, my sister and friends are literally obsessed with you,” Kara said between mouthfuls, drinking her orange juice. “They dragged me once to one of your concerts back in National City.”

“What do you think of me?” Lena asked with a dimpled smile, and Kara smiled at her.

“I think you’re more than just alright,” Kara said truthfully. “I really enjoyed that concert, it was fun.”

“I love National City,” Lena said softly. “It was where I was born, you know.”

“No way!” Kara exclaimed, surprise colouring her face. “You’re not British through and through?”

“I was raised in London, boarding school and such,” Lena said with a laugh. “But I was born there.”

“Well, I wasn’t born in National City,” Kara said. “I was born and raised in Midvale, a small coastal town near National City, moved there as I started my career as a football player, and now I’m here.”

“And now you’re here,” Lena murmured softly, the circumstance of why Kara was here went unmentioned by both of them as they drank their juice and played with their food. “Well, for the most part, I am glad you’re here, you seem like a great company.”

“You’re not too bad yourself, Luthor.”

Kara insists on washing the dishes, helping Lena clean up before they make their way upstairs, saying good night as they parted ways by Kara’s room, Lena going down the hall to her own room.

It wasn’t a bad arrangement, although they’d have to be careful, if the paparazzi caught wind of Kara living in Lena’s london apartment, the rumours would spread like wildfires, especially in light of Kara’s dramatic departure from her last team.

But Lena will be leaving soon for her tour, and Kara will have settled down in London by the time she gets back from her tour, and the rumours will be buried down by her PR team, surely setting her up with another stunt, an upcoming actor or a new singer, they’d even set her up with men twice her age before considering letting her come out. And as nervous as Lena was, Kara really seems like a decent person, a person she can trust living in her space without ruining her place, she’s polite and kind, and she’s helpful, and Lena thinks her company will do her good, they’re both in a rocky place in their lives and maybe they’ll be good for each other, Kara listens to her whenever she speaks, and she’s smart enough to ask the right questions, not like other people, the ones Lena was used to, treating her as if she was some Goddess, always on eggshells around her. Kara was honest and challenging, her banter wasn’t rude and she was respectful, and Lena already looks forward to their time together, seeing as she’ll be performing in Wembley Stadium, the same Stadium Kara will have her training sessions and first match with her new team. (Yes she might’ve googled her, sue her.)

As the morning came Lena woke up and made her way to her bathroom, her robe wrapped around her and a candle in her hand, she hummed to herself as she started her bath and lit the candle, quickly listing all the things she needed to do today, including a dreadful meeting with her records' label CEO,  Jim Harper. He was the type of person you’d find too cruel, he enjoyed reminding her of the reasons why she was so successful, that he owned her and her records, it was safe to say that Lena hated the man, hated his guts for reasons she cannot say, she’s in a place where she’s being judged for sleeping with men, cheating on boyfriends she never even dated in the first place, all under Jim’s leadership.

Lena’s mood turned sour, her stomach turning into knots, already dreading being with him alone in his office, but there’s nothing much she can do anyway, all she has to do is wait two more years and her contract will be over, by then she might retire, surely no records’ company would risk signing a deal with a burnt star with a ruined reputation. Lena sighed and slid down, the water covering her ears and making the world around her disappear, before re-emerging and washing herself, and finally leaving the bathroom refreshed and a bit relaxed.

Lena quickly dressed and made her way downstairs, the faint smell of pancakes and coffee greeting her as she greeted her mum. Pouring herself some coffee and sitting down to eat, Kara was nowhere to be seen.

“I’ll have to get back to National City soon, sweetheart,” her mother said, folding the newspaper and setting it aside. “The fundraiser is coming up soon and I’ll have to be there to make sure it comes out perfectly.”

“When will you leave then?” Lena asked.

“Tomorrow night,” her mother’s smile was apologetic, with both of their careers demanding, they can’t spend a lot of time together, mostly catching up when Lena was touring in the US, or when Lillian has business in London, it’s a lonely industry, made even lonelier by the lack of friends and privacy, and Lena just misses her mum terribly.

“We’ll have to make the most of the time we have then, won’t we?” Lena said cheerfully. “I’ll pick you up after my meeting with Jim, does that sound alright with you?”

“Yeah, I’ll do some cleaning up around here,” her mother said. “And shopping, you don’t eat enough and you don’t have any food in here.”

Before Lena could come up with a retort, Kara was downstairs in sweatpants and her new team’s t-shirt, dark blue accentuating her eyes, her hair was held up in a ponytail, all soft curls and urging you to touch it, Lena held her cup harder.

“Good morning,” Kara said cheerfully. “I’m going for a run, would you like me to bring you anything on my way back?”

“No, thank you,” Lena said. “There’s a water bottle in the fridge.”

“Kara,” Lillian said, and Kara turned to her with the bottle. “Do you have a car?”

“Oh, no, I’m going to the rental today actually,” Kara said. “Do you need to go somewhere?”

“I can give you a lift,” Lena said. “I’m going to my records’ today and there’s an agency near there.”

“Okay,” Kara smiled gratefully. “I owe you one though.”

“Perfect,” Lena said. “We’ll go there by 11, does that sound good to you?”

“Yeah,” Kara said, and went out with her dog.

“Finish your breakfast,” Lillian said. “You don’t eat enough.”

“Okay,” Lena rolled her eyes and started eating silently, under her mum’s gaze.

Lena does finish her breakfast, and immediately regrets it as she gets ready for her meeting with Jim, she was filled with dread as she looked around for her sunglasses and car keys, Kara already waiting for her by the door.

“Mum, we’re leaving,” Lena shouted as she tied her shoes, and without waiting for a reply she led the way, Kara trailing behind her silently.

They got in the car in relative silence, soft music coming from Lena’s phone, Kara leaning back in her seat and watching as buildings blurred together.

“Is it true?” Kara asked as they stopped at a red light. Lena lowered the music. “The rumours about you.”

“Which ones?” Lena asked, curious.

“You know,” Kara said, playing with her fingers in her lap. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, or cause you any trouble, I am a lesbian, and I’m online enough to know that there are rumours, and I reckon it won’t be too good for you to be seen in public with me.”

“Oh,” Lena said. Those rumours she knows how to dispel. “Don’t worry about it, people are going to talk about me either way, and I’ve learned that they don’t always say nice things, whether they were true or not, and besides we won’t be seen together, I’m leaving soon for my tour.”

“Good,” Kara replied softly and continued looking outside her window, Lena sat in silence, brooding and trying her best to ignore what’s to come.

Sooner than she would’ve liked, she found herself sitting in Jim Harper’s office, alone with him. He was a tall man with broad shoulders and a bulky figure, twice, maybe thrice the size of her, he could easily pin her down, had done so a few times, and all she could do was close her eyes and pray for everything to stop. He was looking at her with the same look, and Lena already felt sick. She had tried to stop it from happening, to stop him from using her again and again and again, but he was too strong, and he practically owned her. No matter how bad it gets with him, Lena would never sacrifice her music, her career. Everything she’s ever worked for, all of the relationships she let go of, all the people who left her, it would be for nothing if she gave that up. Her music always comes first, even if it meant dealing with Jim Harper.

He advanced on her, his office locked, it was only two hours, Lena could endure that, she kept telling herself. He was rough, and he hurt her in so many ways all she could do is just stay still with her eyes closed as rough hands advanced.

“You’ll be seeing Jack Spheer tonight,” he said as he fixed his clothes. “He’ll escort you back to the stadium after you two finish dinner, play nice or you know what’ll happen.”

Lena didn’t reply, didn’t even look at him or fix herself. Disgust and nausea consumed her, and she made her way to the back door in silence, her car already parked there. She didn’t cry until she got there and drove far away, near her house. Then the tears started, and the disgust was so consuming she threw up, heaving sobs wracked her body, her body that wasn’t hers since she was a teenager, since she signed that contract. She pulled herself together enough to make her way upstairs silently, and locked herself in her room, she couldn’t even look in the mirror, too disgusted and resigned to take a look at the damage he had done.

All she wanted to do was lie down under her covers and disappear for a while, but she has responsibilities, and after sulking for a few more minutes, she got up and made her way to the bathroom to take a shower, she avoided looking in the mirror and got under the water, washing herself from whatever remained from his touch, her right thigh had an angry red hand imprint, and no matter how hard she rubbed it wouldn’t get removed, she gave up and closed her eyes, washing herself quickly and standing there under the hot water as tears rolled down her face. That cannot be it, she repeats in her head, as if chanting it will make it true.

Chapter Text

She sat down in front of her vanity mirror as they fixed her makeup, still going through some simple hairstyles for tonight's show, Sam will be singing with her for the first time and they practiced a lot the last couple of weeks, but she couldn't help it, Lena was nervous. Although it wasn't her first time singing for a crowd, it has never been this big, in a place like Wembley Stadium, that's still her biggest crowd yet, and it felt justified that she should feel nervous.

Sam was looking for her shoes, while Lena still couldn't decide what to do with her hair, the show is to start in 20 minutes, and the whole little room was in chaos. Andrea walked in, and Lena felt relief course through her body.

"Keep your hair down for the first half of the show," Andrea said as she pointed to Sam that she was in fact wearing her shoes. "Then you can tie it in the other half, I've missed you!" Andrea leaned in for a quick hug and then pulled back.

"I've missed you too, is my mum here?" Lena asked, as she chewed on her lips nervously.

"Yeah, she's in her seat though," Andrea smiled apologetically. "We'll both be here as soon as you finish though, don't worry."

"Ready?" Winn interrupted, his guitar strapped to his shoulder already, Brainy was nowhere to be seen.

"Where's Brainy?" Lena asked in panic, pictures of how her opening night was ruined were already running through her mind, scathing articles, people criticizing left and right, a scandal.

"He's on the phone with Nia, we still have ten more minutes don't worry," Sam gripped her shoulders.

"Okay, okay," Lena breathed deeply, then closed her eyes, her forehead against Sam's, their own little ritual before every show they had together. They were both successful musicians, although Sam preferred her guitar more, Lena shined where she wrote and sang, they were perfect together.

"Everybody get to your places," her tech team announced, and they all stood where they were supposed to be, Lena in the middle, Sam to her left, and her band behind them. The rush of the show, as always, left her feeling high, she wasn't nervous anymore, she sang with confidence, her voice conveying so many emotions, so many hidden truths, the love she felt for the crowd of people in front of her, blinding flashlights, screaming voices, Lena soon found herself crying a bit on stage, as she thanked everybody who stayed with her till the very end of the show, the crowd was roaring for her and Sam, and they went backstage feeling tired in a very satisfying way.

"You did a good job," said Jim Harper, and all the joy and high from the show left her, Lena stood too close to the wall, of course they were alone. "I made you, Lena Luthor, don't you dare fucking forget it."

Lena closed her eyes as she felt his body pressed against hers, she felt sick as he pressed his mouth to her neck, tears running down her face uncontrollably. Thankfully a roar of voices could be heard from a distance and he quickly moved away from her, plastering a smile that to outsiders was genuine, even fatherly, Lena hated him.

"Can I go now?" Lena breathed out, too tired to hide the fact that she'd rather be anywhere on earth, quite literally.

"We'll talk tomorrow, before your show."

Lena watched as he moved away, leaving her alone as the group of strangers already moved. She leaned her head on the wall, her eyes closed as she tried her best to stop herself from crying and control her breaths. 

"You okay?" Kara's voice was clear to her in the fog of her distress, and she opened her eyes to find the footballer leaning against the opposite wall, hands in the pockets of her ripped jeans.

"Yeah," Lena breathed out, shoulders going slack.

"You don't look like it," Kara said, honestly. Lena looked at her unimpressed. "Fine, by the way, there are kids here, you might want to cover that."

Kara's tone was accusatory, and Lena knew exactly what she meant. Damn Jim Harper and the day she signed with him. She placed her hand on her neck and watched as Kara moved away, disgust on her face, well, she must believe those rumours.

Lena went straight home. Alone and too tired to go out for drinks, Sam apparently befriended the whole football team, dragging Andrea and Winn with her, Brainy refused since he already had plans with Nia, and Lena didn't drink, not in public at least. She went straight for the liquor cabinet, drinking from her whiskey bottle as tears spilled freely, she quickly made her way to her room, not wanting to see Kara or her mum, or anyone really, she locked herself in and started drinking, shedding her clothes and lying on the floor. The things he did to her, to her body, God, he stole her innocence.

She woke up the next morning with a splitting headache, reminiscent of the old days where she was drunk every night, and a very loud banging on her door, she groaned, her mouth so very dry, and quickly dressed before opening her door to the last person she wanted to see. Andrea with a far too wide grin on her face.

"Go take a shower and get dressed, we're going out for breakfast," she said as she leaned in to hug her and kiss her cheek. "You stink."

"What are you doing here?" Lena asked, before groaning again. "Please lower your voice."

"Wanted to see my best friend," Andrea shrugged. "Come on, Sam's already waiting at the café with her girlfriend."

"Okay fine, I'll take a shower," Lena said. "Make me some coffee?"

"Okay," Andrea nodded as she made her way downstairs. "Just don't take your time."

"Fine."

Lena silently went to the bathroom and took a quick shower, not really in the mood to argue. As she took some aspirin and started doing her makeup, she took extra time covering the marks, ignoring the lump in her throat and the feeling of quite and utter helplessness that's consuming her, she silently padded downstairs to find Kara and Andrea chatting on the kitchen barstools, each has a cup of coffee cradled in their hands. Kara didn't acknowledge her and Lena was more than okay with ignoring her for the rest of her life, who cares about what some footballer thinks about her anyway?

Except that she cares, she really does. And as she pours herself some coffee she scrolls through her phone with a deep frown on her face. Tweets of her leaving the stadium, tweets linking her to Jack, saying that they're dating, it seems that he was at the concert, and then there were some of Kara too, some sort of a new ship? A new theory that Kara and Lena are dating, and that Jack is just a beard? A lot of these things Lena doesn't understand, but what catches her eye are the rumours that she's cheating on Jack with someone else, some mystery man. There are other things that aren't too nice, criticizing her weight, her appearance, and Lena feels like crying as she keeps on looking for more, before Andrea snatches her phone away.

"Stop looking at those," she says sternly, and Lena is aware of Kara's presence, who's looking down at her phone. "You know those aren't true."

"Aren't they, though?" she can't stop herself from asking, and regrets it as soon as she sees the look on Andrea's face. "Can we leave already?"

"Yeah," she says with a sigh and Kara stands. "We'll see you later?"

"Yeah," Kara agrees and leaves, as she avoids looking at Lena at all.

The drive to the café Sam picked is pleasantly silent, music softly plays through and Lena feels Andrea's eyes on her, and she's grateful that she doesn't speak. She thinks she knows what's upsetting her, surely she's seen the mark before she covered it, but she doesn't say anything, and she doesn't offer anything as well. That lasts until they arrive, and just before Lena steps out of the car, Andrea stops her.

"Have you tried filming him?" She asks, and Lena looks around, as if someone might hear their conversation. The street is mostly empty, and they're still in the car. "He can't keep getting away with this, Lena."

"I tried," Lena sighs, sagging in her seat as she twists her fingers. "He always turns off my phone, it's as if he knows."

"He can't keep getting away with this," Andrea repeats it, as if she believes it. Lena just shrugs, swallowing through the lump in her throat.

"Let's go and meet Sam's girlfriend?" Lena offers after a moment of silence, and Andrea gets off the car silently. They make their way, Lena has her head lowered and her cap covering most of her face, to try and have some privacy. It's not like she doesn't love her fans, she does, very much so. But sometimes it's maddening, the way they know everything about her, where she's going, who she's seeing, where she lives, for god's sake. It's quite maddening, but she loves them very much, and it's not like there's anything she can do about it.

They find Sam and an auburn haired woman sitting in a corner booth, huge enough to seat them all, it's not until they get closer that Lena notices a third blonde head, and she prays it's not who she thinks it is, but as they sit down, Lena tries her best not to groan, of course it's Kara fucking Danvers, and it's her sister who's dating Sam. Why on earth would she get a break?

"I'll go get our orders," Lena announced, only to get far away from the blonde.

"I'll help you," Kara offered and got up, leading the way to the counter. Lena suppressed another groan and followed her, ordering some sweets and more coffee.

"You know, there are kids who worship you," Kara started, her voice low enough not to be overheard. Lena sighed. 

"Your point is?"

"All I'm trying to say is, you might want to try and be a better person," Kara hissed. "Kids are dying to be like you and you're not a good person to be a role model."

"I don't think you get to decide if I was a good person." 

"Your manager is a homophobic miserable man," Kara spat out. "And I don't see you standing up to him, so yeah, I get to decide if you're a good person or not."

The waitress gave them their order, and Lena quickly made her way back to the table, her tray full of sweets. Kara followed with the coffee and a scowl directed at Lena. The other three women looked between the two of them, curiously. Lena made a point of looking anywhere but them, and Kara started a conversation about their upcoming match, which happens to be this weekend. Kara Danvers and Alex Danvers are teammates, both play for Arsenal with Alex as the captain of the team, Kara got there after her last team's manager dropped her for coming out, some small city team back in the States, Kara was young and really good so she was offered a lot of deals, she accepted this one to be with her sister, not as if Lena cares or anything, but she paid attention, after all she was sharing her home with Kara, and it's great to know more about her just to figure out what type of person she is.

Chapter Text

"You're coming, okay?" Sam says, and Lena shrugs. The first match of the season is this weekend, Lena doesn't any shows or rehearsals, so she can't come up with an excuse. "It's going to be so much fun."

"We're going, Sam," Lena says, trying her best not to smirk. "Let's hope you can keep your hands to yourself so we don't get kicked out."

After that, Sam stays silent with a flushed face, and Lena gets back to reading her book. They just got back from Jim Harper's office, they were making last minute check-ups for Lena's stay in America and going through the route of her tour, and for the first time Lena leaves his office unharmed. She practically begged Sam to stay with her until the meeting's done, and this is why she finds herself being ushered into the VIP seats in Wembley Stadium, attending an event for a sport she understands absolutely nothing about.

Her phone rings, Andrea's picture lights her screen and she answers with a smile. "Andy, hi."

"Where are you? I'm outside your house!"

"Oh, I'm so sorry! I totally forgot to tell you," Lena begins, finding the perfect opportunity to escape this place. "I'm at Sam's girlfriend's football match, but I think I can-"

"Are you in the VIP seats?"

"Yeah, why?"

"I'll be here in thirty," Andrea hangs up before Lena can say anything, and her hopes of going home and curling with her guitar were brutally crushed, she sighs and makes her way to the backdoors, to let the security know that Andrea's coming. As she leans on the wall, humming softly to herself and thinking of adding new songs to her tour setlist, she finds Kara smoking, headphones playing a tune she knows all too well.

"Didn't know you were such a big fan," Lena teases, smirking at the blonde, who lowers her headphones and exhales smoke right on Lena's face. "Fuck you," Lena coughs, doubling as she chokes.

"No, thank you," Kara says as she steps on her cigarette. "What do you want?"

"Nothing, just wanted to wish you luck," Lena grumbles. "Clearly, you don't deserve it."

"Ha, ha," Kara deadpans. "Almost sounds like you care."

"You wish," Lena spat out, squaring her shoulders as Kara took a step closer, standing in front of her. Lena didn't like how Kara was looking down at her. 

"You disgust me."

"Fuck you, Kara," Lena tried to push her, but Kara stubbornly stood still, not moving an inch. "I really couldn't care less what you think about me."

"Then what are you doing here?" Kara challenged her.

"What's going on?" Andrea asked, and Kara quickly stood back, looking down at Lena. "Lena, are you okay?"

"Yeah, we're good," Lena said, not taking her eyes away from Kara's. "Let's go." She took Andrea's hand and started walking away, but Kara ran past them, almost knocking Lena down.

"What the fuck?" Andrea screamed at her, but she was already gone.

"I hate her," Lena said as she fixed herself. "I swear to god I'm going to kill her, I don't care if my mum got upset."

"Why's she acting like this?" Andrea asked, stopping Lena by forcing her to look at her.

"She saw the marks," Lena admitted softly. 

"She knows?!" Andrea asked in a panic.

"No," Lena shouted. "No, I don't think so."

"Miss Luthor, are you okay?" her security asked, from down the hall, and Lena nodded as they made their way in an awkward silence to their seats, Andrea didn't let go of her hand not until they sat down, both cradling a cup of coffee as the match started.

Now, Lena isn't an expert, not at all. But even she can admit that Kara is good, really good. The woman was a blur on the field, and she scored two goals for her team, securing their win and also proving herself, even though she seemed pretty irritated when Lena met her before the match. Anyways, the win for the team meant that they'd wanna get celebrate, and since they can't get drunk Andrea suggested they go back to Lena's, have some sort of an impromptu party, and Lena really can't say no, cause that'd make her rude and her mum raised her not to be rude, so she finds herself in her car, with Sam and Alex sitting opposite her, Andrea and Kara on both sides, none of them wanted to sit next to the couple. Interestingly, Kara didn't smell bad at all, and Lena figured she must've took a shower, her face was flushed, her glasses hanging low on her nose as she looks down at her phone. Lena hates her guts, but she can see her appeal, see why people'd go crazy for her. Kara looks up at her and Lena moves her gaze too quickly, she feels her face getting hotter as she looks down at her phone. Kara just leans back with a deep frown.

"So," Alex Danvers says, her arm around Sam who's leaning on her. "How's it going? You two living together?"

"Good," Kara answers, too quickly and kicks Alex's leg. "Shut up now."

"That's my shooting leg!" Alex yells at her as she kicks her back. Kara kicks her again and Alex glares at her. "I'll get you later."

"Act like adults please," Sam claps her hands. "Don't embarrass me in front of my cool friends."

"I dunno who you're talking about," Kara laughs.

"Don't be rude!" Alex threatens. "I'll tell mom, I swear."

"Need me to get you guys anything?" Lena decides to speak as they arrive at her house. 

"Just lots of snacks," Andrea says. "You'll be feeding a whole team, I'll stay with you."

"Yeah, me too," Sam says, kissing her girlfriend goodbye. "Kara and Alex can get the place ready as we pick up snacks and dinner."

"Fine by me," Kara shrugged before making a beeline to the house, headphones over her ears. Alex followed her after telling them what everyone likes.

"What's your deal with Kara?" Sam asked as soon as the driver pulled away. 

"There's no deal," Lena answered, scrolling through twitter anxiously as pictures of her at the match popped everywhere.

"I'm not an idiot, you know," Sam said quietly, leaning back in her seat and looking at her with wounded eyes. Lena closed her phone and sighed.

"I don't know what's her problem," Lena told her truthfully. "She hates me even though I've done nothing to her at all but be nice, and I'm letting her stay at my place for my mum only, you know how I get about people being in my space!"

"Yeah," Andrea said. "She really hates her, I've seen her today and how she treated her and I really wanted to kill her."

"That's weird," Sam said with a frown. "That's not like Kara at all."

"Well, she's a fucking cunt," Lena said, leaning back and stretching. "I can't wait until she finds her own place and leaves me alone."

"I'll talk to Alex," Sam said decisively, then added softly. "I'm not excusing her behaviour or anything, but she's had it tough, really tough."

"Doesn't excuse being a shitty person, though," Andrea said.

"Yeah, not at all," Sam agreed, Lena just shrugged. People always judged her anyway, so it wasn't a big deal, really.

Lena has never seen so many people at her house at once, never thought she'd see actually. But the ones who came and said Hi were really nice and polite, some of them asked for pictures and she posed happily, they were fun and easy to be around, and they brought so much energy as they recreated their favourite moments from the match, which was playing on her TV. Lena after a while excused herself, making her way to her mini-studio. She sat down cross-legged on the floor, a cup of warm tea in her hands.

Lena needed a break, as she often did when she was overwhelmed, around so many people in her personal space. At concerts, when she was performing, it was easy to just be, but when there are so many people, strangers, even though they were nice, it was overwhelming, something she just can't ignore, so she sat down on the floor, breathing deeply and trying to clear her mind of all the dreadful things that waited her later on.

"Can I come in?" Andrea asked, standing just outside the door. "It's okay if you don't want me to come in."

"No, you're good," Lena replied, and patted the space next to her. Andrea padded, barefoot and sat down, her arm around Lena's shoulder, half hugging her.

"So, what's going on?"

"Just thinking," Lena answered, then added truthfully. "About giving up, my music I mean."

"But you love what you do," Andrea said. "You can't just give that up."

"I live for what I do, but sometimes I wonder if it's worth it, you know? It's turning me into this person, someone I don't recognize anymore, and I'm scared," Lena laughed, mirthless and hollow. "Because what if, at the end of it all it's just not worth it?"

"I know who you are," Andrea held her face gently between her hands, forcing Lena to look at her through the blur of her tears. "You're good and kind and I'm one of the luckiest people who got to know you, and I swear we will get him for all that he's done to you, okay? I swear Lena I will never rest until he's behind bars."

"Nothing has ever worked," Lena said, staring at her tea. "I've tried filming with my phone, he always takes it, and I don't know how but he even turns off the security cameras, God, I really fucking hate him. I want him dead!"

"I'm sorry," Andrea whispered, tears silently rolling down her face.

"I didn't meant to make you cry," Lena chuckled awkwardly. "Let's go down there, okay? Forget about it I'll be good."

"You sure?" 

"Yeah, let's just fix your makeup."

"Lena?" Sam called from downstairs. "Jim's waiting for you by the door!"

"Fuck," Lena cursed under her breath, sharing a grim look with Andrea. "I'll be down there in a minute."

"Need me to come with you?" Andrea asked grimly.

"No, he'll just ask you to leave," Lena said. "Discussing some private matters and such."

"Try and be in front of the security cameras, okay?" Andrea said, even she sounded unhopeful. "Maybe he forgot about them this time."

As Lena made her way downstairs, she tried to imagine herself going somewhere different, her mum's house, or the beach. Anywhere but where she was going. The first thing he did was taking her phone, and then he started, Lena just stood there, her eyes closed and tears rolling down her face silently, listening to him groan. 

"Your plane leaves in the morning," he said and left. 

Lena stood there out in the dark, trying her best to keep it together, when she felt someone standing in front of her.

"What the fuck?" Kara asked. "Are you okay?"

"Fucking hell." Lena cursed under her breath.

"You okay?" Kara asked.

"It's none of your fucking business," Lena spat out. "You didn't see anything so go back to your fucking party and leave me alone, okay?"

Lena didn't wait for an answer and made her way back to her room, slamming the door and locking it. Downstairs, she can hear them leave, she hears Andrea knock on her door twice, before asking her to call whenever she's ready, Lena doesn't answer, and eventually Andrea leaves, texting her that she'll be here first thing tomorrow.

"We need to talk," Kara said from behind the door. "Open, Luthor, I have something to tell you."

"Leave me alone," Lena yelled. 

"Just look at my phone, okay?" Kara answered her. "I'm going to slide it from underneath the door and you can see and maybe then we'll talk."

Kara's phone illuminates the room, and Lena's curiosity gets the best of her so she crawls to the phone and looks at it. At first it's just some blurry pictures, dark and unfocused, then Lena sees it as she scrolls. It's her, and Jim, from an hour ago outside her house, there's a video in there and Lena presses play, feels sick as she sees what's happening, making it all too real as she sees herself standing there frozen.

"As soon as I realized what was happening, I filmed it," Kara said from behind the door. "You can delete it if you want, but I thought maybe we can go to the police?"

"Why do you care?" Lena asked as she opened the door, handing her the phone back. "Why the fuck do you care now?"

"Because I get it," Kara answered, her eyes were red as if she were crying. "Believe me I do, and I'm sorry for being a dick and for all the things I did and said, if I'd known I wouldn't have said anything."

"That doesn't make it go away," Lena whispered softly, making her way downstairs to at least get away from Kara, but she follows, two steps at a time making it near impossible to escape her.

"I know, I'll do better I swear," Kara promised truthfully. "The reason why I filmed this isn't because I'm sick or enjoy seeing you get hurt. It's because something similar happened to me and I couldn't do anything about it, but now you can. We can."

"Thank you for your honesty, and I'm sorry that happened to you," Lena said after a few moments of silence. "But I'm not going to the police."

"Why?" Kara asked. Lena tried to walk away, towards the fridge but Kara held her arm, stopping her and making her look into her eyes.

"Because I can't," Lena said. "Because I'll have to pay him millions of dollars, and I don't have that money. He gets 90% of what I make and I'll have to pay him more if I wanted to break the contract and hire a lawyer that isn't from his side, and who'd believe me anyway? I'm not the first woman in the industry that this happened to and I know I'm not going to be the last, and even if I did go to the police and filed a lawsuit against him, he has connections. He can pay his way out and literally ruin my career!"

Kara didn't say anything, she just stood there looking at her with a puzzled look. She wanted to say more, Lena can feel it, but she didn't, instead she handed Lena a bottle of water.

"You can delete them, or you can send them to your phone," Kara said calmly. "Just in case, maybe in a few years you'll be able to win against him. And I know I'm not your friend, I'm no one to you but I am here for you. You don't have to talk about it ever again, but just know that there's evidence and whenever you're ready I will be by your side. Good night, Lena."

Kara went to her room as Lena sat down with her notebook in her studio, she had a pen, she needed to write, to describe the feelings she had. She misses her mum, her childhood friends, she misses one person in particular. So she wrote, the song coming complete before her eyes, but there's no one she can perform to. She scratches a few notes here and there, looks again over the lyrics. She doesn't notice it's morning until she hears Andrea knocking on the door.

Chapter Text

Lena falls into a routine as she stays in her apartment in New York, an apartment she shares with Sara Lance, Lena knows for a fact that Jim doesn't approve of them living together, but she isn't willing to give more of herself to him, not when it means that she'll lose whatever it is she has with Sara, even if she didn't know what exactly are they. She just likes the peace Sara brings into her life, when they're tucked away in their little apartment, looking down at the city, alive and buzzing beneath them, Lena feels like she belonged, Sara's arms around her, like she could be someone. 

So, whatever it is they have, Lena doesn't question it, falls into it too easily, despite the rumours and photographs of Sara with other girls, women, Lena turns a blind eye to it all, knows that they aren't exclusive, that she can't get jealous, that no matter how much she wants it Sara isn't hers and she isn't Sara's. Knows that she's the reason why, she can't tell her about Jim, and Sara, no matter how much she tried, couldn't pretend that she didn't see the rumours, thought that Lena was seeing someone else whenever she was at London, and each time they fought and broke things off, they got back together just as fast.

So, Lena falls into it whenever she's in New York. Sara always welcomes her with open arms and a kiss to her forehead, a whispered 'Missed you' against her cheeks as they hold each other just a little bit tighter, Lena knows that they're running out of time, that they were doomed from the beginning but she craves her touch, and it doesn't matter that she denies it, Lena loves her, loves the way they fit.

It is an easy routine, catching up and dancing in the kitchen, Lena sings to her some of her new songs, the ones that she wrote after the album, Sara listens with a fond smile. They've danced this dance for so many years now, and Lena knows they're reaching the final act, the melancholy of it all settles around her, finding refuge as a soft ache in her heart.

"I've met someone," Sara says, on Lena's third night, they're sitting in the kitchen floor, both of them having a warm cup of coffee cradled in their hands. "She's wonderful, I really think you're gonna like her."

"Yeah?" Lena says after a while, looking down at the brown liquid. "I'm happy for you."

"You know you can have that too," Sara presses. "We could've stood a chance."

"Sara," Lena sighs, finally looking into her eyes. "How many times have we had that talk? You know I can't come out, even if I wanted to."

"I know I'm sorry," Sara says softly, and Lena knows she means it. "I just sometimes wonder, you know? What it could've been like if things were different."

"Yeah, me too," Lena admits, in a tone softer than she intended, far much more vulnerable. "But things aren't different, perhaps in another life we might've been a hot item, you and I," Lena nudges her with her foot, and Sara smiles at her and winks, all charm and beauty, and Lena remembers why she'd fallen for her each and every time.

"So, I've heard rumours," Sara starts, and Lena groans. "A football player, huh," Sara smirks as Lena's face falls into a horrified look. "Didn't know you were into sports, Luthor."

"One game, I go to one game because Sam dragged me there, and the rumours start!" Lena groans into her hands.

"There was something about you guys living together," Sara adds. "I almost feel jealous of her."

"Ha, ha," Lena deadpans. "Very funny, what rumours are you talking about though?"

"There were pictures of you guys way too close to each other before the match, and there were some of her car at your place in London," Sara says. "It's all over the internet actually, I'm surprised this is the first you're hearing about it."

"I'm so fucked," Lena said, and then looked at Sara, figured she owes her an explanation at least. "She's staying at my place in London because my mum asked, and I absolutely hate her guts."

"Why?" Sara looked amused at Lena's misery, barely containing her laughter.

"She acts like she knows everything, like she's superior," Lena grumbled. "Gets on my nerves and that's only like couple of weeks! How am I going to survive four months of this?"

"I'm afraid you're gonna have to suck it up, Luthor," Sara said. "You're good at sucking things," she winked at her and Lena felt her face heating up. "I'm only teasing you, relax!"

"One day, Sara, I'm going to kill you," Lena threatened, sipping the rest of her coffee with an arched eyebrow despite the blush still colouring her face. "One day, you just wait."

"You love me too much," Sara teased. "You can't survive a day without me!"

"Can't I though?" Lena joked, and they laughed it off.

Lena has one last interview in New York city, then she's off to Dallas, two weeks there and then back to London, her break will last for two months before she's on the road again. After saying good night and retreating to her own room, Lena couldn't help but remember a conversation she once had with Sara, they were both sitting on the kitchen floor, both with warm mugs of coffee and tender smiles, eyes full of wonder and so many feelings as they looked at each other, when they believed they stood a chance. She remembers a song she wrote but she never released it. Sara knows it, she sang it for her, Lena read the lyrics once more, memorising them before she fell into an easy sleep, one without nightmares.

What Lena hates the most about her career, is the fame and the judgement that came with it, the lack of privacy as people touched her and fixed her up, like a doll to be put in a showcase, but what she loved the most was her fans, as they stood outside of the building where the interview is set to take place, waiting for hours even though they knew they wouldn't catch a glimpse of her, at least not until the interview is over, she hears their shouts as her car makes it around the corner, before stopping in front of the back entrance, where bodyguards made sure no one even looked that way, let alone took pictures or said hello, Lena made a promise to herself that she'll stop and take pictures on her way out, it's the least they deserved after all the love and support they've shown her.

She walks on the little stage, some of the fans who were on set cheered for her as she waved at them with a dimpled smile. She was wearing a little black dress, her hair straightened, now longer than it used to be, her makeup was simple but she had on her dark red lipstick, it was the first interview that she agreed to do after so many time. She greeted the interviewer and they made small talk off the mics while the fans settled down, each time she looked at them they went wild again, and Lena still can't believe it's all because of her. That she has this kind of impact on so many people, some so much older than her and some so much younger, it's quite impossible for her to believe, even after all these years.

"This is a song I wrote after a late night conversation with someone special," Lena said into the mic, looking straight at the camera with a soft smile. "If you're watching this, I want you to know that I am very happy for you." She then looked at the crowd. "I know you guys have the leaked version of this song, so don't be shy and sing with me!"

You got a fast car

And I want a ticket to anywhere

Maybe we make a deal

Maybe together we can get somewhere

Any place is better

Starting from zero, got nothin' to lose

Maybe we'll make something

Me, myself I got nothin' to prove

Lena felt so many different emotions, performing on the little stage, she remembers very clearly the conversation they had, remembers they packed their bags and got into her car, that they drove out of the city and into one of the smaller towns, Sara had a plan, had the perfect jobs for them, it was going to work.

You got a fast car

Is it fast enough so we can fly away?

Still gotta make a decision

Leave tonight or live and die this way

Her car wasn't fast enough, and the sun chased them, the spell of night and dreams and promises was broken, and they got back into the city with broken hearts and so little to say to each other, it was then that they decided whatever they have has got to be casual, that they couldn't be tied down to each other, they were young and stupid at the time, but Lena knows it's the right decision as she says good night to the crowd and makes her way outside, greeting the fans and signing posters, filming videos and taking pictures.

She knows it's the right call because she wasn't truly in love with Sara, no matter how wonderful she is. Lena loved the idea of being in love, wrote so many songs about it without actually experiencing the feeling, and what she had with Sara was the closest she'll ever get to experiencing it and that's why she was unable to let go of her all this time, but now Sara has someone new and she knows it's for the best really, but she'll miss her anyway.

Lena made her into her apartment, to be greeted by the smell of food, and Sara humming to a song.

"I made you dinner," Sara called from the kitchen. "Get changed and dinner will be ready."

"Okay," Lena quickly made her way to her room and changed, removing her makeup and letting her hair down.

"That was nice you know," Sara said when they settled down. "Thank you."

"I'm really happy for you," Lena smiled at her sincerely. "Next time I'm in town I have to see her!"

"'Course," Sara agreed. "She wanted to see you this time actually, but I don't know, I felt it might be weird."

"Yeah it would've been weird," Lena said. "Seriously though, you keep the apartment, I'm never here anyway and I think it'd be nice if I stayed in a hotel, could stop the rumours."

"I can't keep it, it's yours," Sara protested. "Hotels are kind of my thing."

"We both picked it, and you stayed here more than I did," Lena argued. "I'm always in London, it's really no use for me."

"Okay, but you're staying over whenever you're here," Sara said and Lena nodded, and they fell into comfortable silence as they cleaned their plates and said good night. Lena's flight leaves first thing in the morning, and she's already homesick. She misses her apartment, misses London in general, and, frankly she's scared that Kara might've ruined her apartment, or tried to do something with the pictures she has.

When Lena gets back to London, she braces herself to have the talk with Kara, she spends the entire flight thinking of the right way to say the things she has to say, Lena drained one glass of scotch after another still thinking of the right way to explain why there's absolutely nothing they can do, so when she enters her house she's all set, the words almost spill from her.

Kara has cooked her a meal, warm and smelling delicious. "Good you're here," Kara said as Lena made her way to the dining table. "Dinner's ready."

Lena sat down and started eating, Kara opposite her, eating as well. Lena was deep into her thoughts that she didn't even notice Kara looking at her with a funny look, didn't even look up until Kara softly called her name.

"I am sorry for the way I treated you," Kara said sincerely. "It's just that you're huge, and young people adore you and I know it's none of my business but it just got under my skin and I assumed the worst, it wasn't fair to judge you and treat you that way and for that I will always be sorry."

"I'm a lesbian," Lena said after what seemed an eternity of silence, finally looking into Kara's eyes. "I'm a lesbian and I can't come out and he ruined my reputation and believe me there's nothing I'd like to do more than throw him behind bars but I can't do that, not yet."

"But you have evidence," Kara argued. "You-"

"I can't do anything because of my contract," Lena interrupted. "I have to pay him and I don't have that kind of money, he owns 90% of what I make and my contract with him ends by the end of this year, until then I'm nothing but the Lena Luthor he created, okay?"

"I'm really sorry," Kara said after a while, her cheeks red with fury. "There's nothing that can be done?"

"Nothing," Lena sighed with defeat, and they cleaned the room up in silence. And just before Lena went upstairs, Kara called her name.

"I'll keep your secrets," she promised. "For however long you need me to."

"Thank you," Lena said. "Good night Kara, sleep well."

That night, Lena opened her twitter and followed Kara's account, in minutes her fans declared their friendship and some of them started rumours of them dating, Lena already regrets the decision, thinking of the meeting she's definitely going to have tomorrow's morning, but Kara's apology was a good reason to build bridges, and Lena always did believe the best in people.

Chapter Text

Lena was making breakfast when Kara came running downstairs, her shirt in her hand while talking on the phone. Lena almost dropped her coffee as she stared at Kara's body, her abs were defined, her tanned skin looking sinfully delicious.

"Wait a second," Lena yelled as Kara put on her shirt, scrambling to get her shoes on.

"I'm late!" Kara said, taking Lena's coffee and drinking it, to immediately spit it out. "What is this?"

"Rude, and wait a second it's almost done," Lena said. "One's scrambled eggs and the other is grilled cheese, and I'm guessing you don't like coffee."

"Thank you," Kara said as she took the food from Lena, running outside. 

Lena had the house for herself for a few hours, so she decided to take a bath. Kara has a match that night, and so of course Lena will be there, now that their friendship is into the public eye. Sam will be there so it might turn out to be fun. Lena relaxed into the warm water, candles creating a calming atmosphere; she closed her eyes and slowly drifted away. 

She took her time, washing the soap away from her body and massaging the shampoo in her hair, she wasn’t in a rush at all. It was rare, with how busy she’s been, to have the house completely to herself and she intended to make the best of it. 

Lena quickly got dressed in something comfortable, before she decided that perhaps it’s time she stalked Kara on the internet. From what Kara told her, she’d already googled Lena, ready to jump into conclusions and judge her. So Lena didn’t feel bad as she read the articles, finding the reason Kara left her team was due to homophobia, it was their loss, Lena thought, because Kara was a damn good player. 

Lena kept on scrolling, finding pics of Kara with women, drunk and smiling, there and not there, the recent pics were with a blonde girl, she was pretty, always dressed in colours matching Kara’s clothes, Lena figured they must be dating, figured that she must be back in National City and that’s why they didn’t meet. 

”Stalking your new prey?” Came Jim’s rough voice, and Lena closed her laptop, jumping from the couch to put distance between them, but it was no use, he has his arms around her keeping her in place. ”I see you have a type.”

”Fuck off, Harper,” Lena tried to push him but his grip tightened, she feels his rough breath on her neck, smells the liquor. 

”Stay still,” he yelled at her, trying to keep her in place, he was clearly drunk and Lena was scared of what he might do. ”It’ll only hurt more if you try and fight it.”

”Please let me go,” Lena pleaded, pushing him and failing, his weight and height giving him advantages, keeping her pinned. "Stop it."

"Lena-"

"Are you ready?" Sam's voice interrupted him, and he pushed himself away from her, sitting on the opposite sofa. "We're leaving now so we can say hi to the team before the match starts, you better be ready!"

"As we discussed, the album will be done by the time you finish touring," Jim said nonchalantly. "It will be out in the fall, which will give you enough time so you can start touring again in the summer."

"But that's too much!" Lena complained as Sam entered the room. "Hi Mr. Harper, didn't know you were here," Sam said, looking at Lena.

"I had some papers I needed to drop to Miss Luthor before she starts her break," he said politely, and Lena is sure that if she pressed charges no one would believe her, not even with proof with how he acted. "Enjoy your break, Lena, I will see you soon."

"Why aren't you ready?" Sam asked, pushing Lena upstairs. "And what was he doing here?"

"You know, the usual," Lena said. "Being a fucking nightmare."

"It'll be over soon," Sam promised, rubbing her back softly. "And I think you should change your keys."

"I will," Lena pulled out a white top and a skirt for the match. "When does it start?"

"Not for another two hours," Sam answers scrolling on her phone. "But I wanna say hi to the team members."

"Members?" Lena asks with a smirk. "Or you mean a particular red-headed goal keeper?"

"I don't know if I want to hit you or feel so proud of you right now," Sam beamed. "You know what a goal keeper is?"

"Well, Kara may have or have not explained the game to me," Lena said as she covered the marks with make-up, trying her best to box her feelings. "Thoroughly, I honestly didn't think a game that's basically just kicking a ball around could have so many rules, or positions."

"I bet you learned some very nice positions," Sam said, and Lena threw a pillow at her. "Hey!"

"Kara and I aren't sleeping together," Lena said. "Besides I don't think I'm allowed to be in a relationship."

"Fine, let's just leave," Sam huffed. "I am not letting this go but I don't wanna be late."

They left for Wembley Stadium in Sam's car, which meant Lena will be ditched at the end of the game because Sam will leave with Alex for sure, Lena was sure Kara's team will win because they were really good, honestly the best. All the games she's been to they won and the ones she watched they also won, they've lost only one game which made them at the top of the women's Super League, all of those were things Lena didn't care about, but she and Kara are living together, which meant she has to try for them to be friends.

As she guessed, they were winning, the game 2-0 for Kara's team, one scored by Kara and the other by some girl Lena doesn't know. Lena watches intensely as the minutes seem to drag, the other team plays dirty and Kara is tackled by two of the defenders, she falls on her arm and rolls on the ground, the referee gives a yellow card and Kara is carried on a stretcher, the game continues and they win, but Lena and Sam are with Alex waiting by the medic center as Kara's getting patched up. 

"Good game, Danvers," Lena congratulates Alex on their win.

"Thank you," she answers politely. "I guess you'll be taking Kara home?"

"Yes," Lena agrees. "You can stay if you want but I'm afraid you're going to have to share a room with Kara."

"If it's okay with you?" Alex asks. "I don't wanna intrude."

"Nonsense, you're welcome," Lena pointed at the room. "I don't think she'll be easy to take care of alone."

"You have no idea," Alex laughs into her hands, she looks worried, pacing back and forth, still in her football attire. Sam just keeps reassuring her every now and then as they wait.

"Alex how about you go grab some food?" Lena says, feeling like keeping Alex busy might be the best thing for them all. "Kara will be famished and you can meet us at my place? Sam has my keys."

"Yeah, okay," Alex says nervously. "That's a good idea, you have my phone number, call me as soon as you could, okay?"

"Okay," Lena agrees and watches as Sam and Alex leave. She waits for a few minutes alone before the doctor comes out. "How's she?"

"Good, just a broken arm," She says with a professional smile. "Nothing major but she'll have to take it easy until she recovers, of course she can play but she'll have to wait at least a week from today."

"Okay, is there anything else I should know?" Lena asked and when the doctor said no she thanked her and walked into the room. Kara was sitting on the bed, her arm in a cast, her face is a bit swollen and she has a pack of ice on it. "You okay?"

"Been worse," Kara shrugged. "Been better, where's Alex?"

"Back at my place," Lena said. "I sent her to pick up food and meet us there because she couldn't sit still."

"Oh," Kara said, and she looked up at Lena, her brows knitted. "Your neck, did he do something again?"

"It's okay," Lena shrugged, a hand covering her neck immediately. "Let's just get your stuff and leave."

"Fine," Kara mumbled, she led Lena to the changing rooms, they were empty and quiet, Lena felt weird standing there, waiting for Kara to gather her stuff so they can leave. "Just a sec I'm looking for my headphones."

"Take your time," Lena mumbled, taking her bag from her, car keys in her hand. Kara gave up finding her headphones and they headed outside in silence, Kara leading the way and Lena following behind.

And as soon as they made it outside, camera flashes blinded them, Kara covered her face with her broken arm and Lena ducked, her hair falling around her face, they were shouting at them behind the gates but Kara and Lena quickly made their way to the car quickly, and of course it's a Lamborghini, Lena scoffed.

"What?" Kara said. "It's a nice ride!"

"I didn't say anything," Lena smirked, adjusting the seat and mirrors. "It's just exactly what I thought you'd drive."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Kara asked, offended.

"Nothing!" Lena said, backing away and out of the parking lot to the busy streets of London. "It's a nice car, lovely even."

"Give me your phone," Kara said. "Mine's dead and I wanna listen to music."

"Fine," Lena gave her her phone, and she suffered the rest of the drive listening to Kara's loud music, blasting with the highest volume as the blonde sang along every line.

Sam and Alex were already waiting in the living room, food in plates at the dining table, Lena makes her way upstairs, dropping Kara's bag in front of her door and going to take a quick shower, when she came down they were already eating and talking about their match, Lena made herself some tea and went into her studio, wanting to turn her frustration into a song. After a few hours there was a soft knock on her door and she opened it to see Kara standing there in grey sweatpants and a soft white t shirt.

"You didn't eat," Kara said, giving her a plate of warm food. "I'll be downstairs watching a movie if you need anything."

"Where’s Sam and Alex?" Lena asked, Alex was supposed to sleep over. 

"Oh, I kicked Alex out because she kept eating my food," Kara answered sheepishly. "And Sam left with her, something about cheering her up that I intentionally blocked out, I don’t wanna be traumatised, anyway I’m downstairs watching a movie, join me if you’d like?"

"Sure," Lena said with a laugh, watching Kara descend the stairs two steps at a time. "Would you like some popcorn?"

"Yeah that'd be nice," Kara answered, she came into the kitchen, helping Lena. "You know, all my friends are practically obsessed with you, even Alex!"

"That's very nice of you to say," Lena said, her face turning a lovely shade of pink. 

"I'm serious, they really like you," Kara said, unaware of the effect her compliments had on Lena. "They dragged me to one of your concerts a few years ago."

"Well, did you enjoy it?" Lena asked, a bit insecure.

"'Course I did," Kara answered, now sipping her apple juice. "But they don't know that, and I'd like to keep it that way."

"Very well," Lena said with a laugh. "By the way, you're not allowed to play for at least a week."

"Why do I get the feeling that you won't let me be?" Kara groaned.

"Well, I am on a break and I have nothing else to do," Lena said. "Taking care of you is my top priority."

"Fine but we'll do it my way," Kara said, leading her to the living room and sitting down, turning on the movie.

Lena was grateful that Kara didn't talk about the marks at all, and she found that she enjoyed her company when they were friendly, found out that they had a lot in common, for example; they both liked horror movies, and they read similar books, they watched the same shows and discussed them, the sun coming up when they called it a night and went their separate ways, Lena fell asleep quickly, the exhaustion of the day catching up with her.

Chapter Text

Lena was making herself some coffee when Kara came into the kitchen, her phone in hand. 

"Do you have aspirin?" She asked. "Coffee? Anything my head’s gonna explode."
"Sure, sit down," Lena said, giving her aspirin and a bottle of water. "I’m making coffee."
"What happened?" Kara asked after finishing her bottle. "Why am I sleeping on the couch?"
"You were really drunk," Lena said. "I tried to get you to sleep in your room but-"
"Please shut up," Kara said, mortified. And Lena laughed at her. "I totally pulled you down, didn’t I?"
"You trapped me," Lena said. "You owe me one."
"I didn’t say anything, did I?" Kara asked nervously. 
"No," Lena answered truthfully. "Here’s your coffee, the way you like."
"Thank you," Kara took it gratefully, and Lena started mixing a pancake batter, Kara stared with disgust. 

"Who’s Felicity?" Lena asked after a while. 
"Why do you ask?" Kara asked, a frown on her face. 
"No reason," Lena answered, she looked at Kara and saw that she was watching her, an eyebrow raised, and she sighed. "I followed you on Twitter, that’s why I ask."
"Well, she’s no one," Kara answered, a scowl on her face. Lena watched as she made her way to the fridge, and then she turned around with the bag of flour and a devilish grin. "And you’re going to be Santa."
"Please don’t!" Lena begged, trying to run away, but Kara is a football player, of course she caught her. Kara poured half the bag on Lena’s head, making her hair white. Kara laughed at her, and Lena took her chances, stalked to her with an egg in her hand, breaking it on her head. 

"Lena!" Kara yelled, now the bowl of the mix in her hand. "Come here!"
"Kara I swear I was only kidding," Lena pleaded, trying to get away. "I’ll wash your hair! I’ll even run you a bath! Just don’t do it please!"
"Okay, fine," Kara put the bowl away, and Lena ran to the bathroom. "What the fuck, Luthor?"
"I’ll take a shower first then I’ll wash your hair," Lena yelled from the bathroom, and Kara decided to take off her shirt, wiping the egg from her face. 

Lena took forever when she showered, so Kara decided to be productive, which meant doing push-ups with only one hand, her arm still didn’t fully heal. 

"Kara?" Lena called from upstairs, and Kara quickly made her way, a noise caught in her throat when she saw Lena. "What?"
"Why aren’t you dressed?" Kara asked, Lena was in her bathrobe, a crimson one barely covering her thighs, making her seem ethereal. 
"So you can get me wet?" Lena said with a laugh. "No thank you, I’ll wash your hair first and then I’ll go get dressed, now come on, we don’t have forever."

Kara got on her knees, her head in the sink as Lena’s fingers washed her hair, massaging the shampoo and humming a lovely tune, Kara closed her eyes and relaxed into the feeling. Lena started rinsing her hair, her heart hammering in her chest. 

She and Kara were having a good time, Kara was good to her, joking and watching movies with her, inviting her whenever she went out even though Lena always declines, she helps around the house, or tries to, but Lena found herself quickly addicted to her company, to the ease and joy she brings. 

"All done," Lena said softly. "I’m afraid your bath will have to wait, I have an interview today and I have to leave in like a few minutes."
"I thought you were on a break?" Kara asked, looking up at Lena. 
"So did I," Lena shrugged. "It’s typical Harper, but we can still make it to the movies lately, so don’t cancel."
"I won’t," Kara promised, taking off her pants, Lena quickly got out and closed the bathroom door behind her, suddenly out of breath. 

Sam picked her up and they made their way to the studio where the interview’s set to be held, going one last time through the lyrics of the song they were set to sing. Lena didn’t answer most of the questions, furiously denying the rumours of ‘Luvers’, apparently the ship name of her and Kara, a theory fans made when they saw them interact. 

"You’ve got your ball you’ve got your chains
Tied to me tight  tie me up again
Who’s got their claws in you my friend
Into your heart I’ll beat again," Sam started singing, the small crowd going wild. 

"Sweet like candy to my soul
Sweet you rock and sweet you roll
Lost for you I’m so lost for you
You come crash, into me
And I come into you," Lena winked, before she and Sam started singing together, their voices in harmony, they finished their song and said good night, Lena went into the car while Sam talked to the interviewer, going through a song or something. 

K.D: You were amazing! <3

Lena smiled at the text, biting her lower lip and replying with a heart, she scrolled through her social media, liking and reposting some art her fans had made while waiting for Sam so they can go back to her place. She didn’t wait for long, and she felt relief when she kicked off her high heels, sighing softly as she made her way to the kitchen to drink some water. 

"Hi Sam," Kara greeted from the living room, before making her way to Lena. "Are you still up for the movies? We can cancel and invite everyone over instead."

"No it’s okay, I think it’d be fun," Lena said, leaning on the counter. She was wearing a short black dress, it was simple and hugged her body, Kara kept looking at her chest, a deep pink colouring her cheeks when she looked up at Lena’s face. "My eyes are up here, darling."

"Shut up, Luthor," Kara mumbled and Lena laughed at her, Kara walked towards her, stood right in front of her, their bodies touched and Lena looked up at her, cursing herself for taking off her heels. 

"Kara?" Lena asked softly, biting her lip nervously, Kara looked down at her lips, then at her eyes. "Do it," Lena’s arms were around Kara’s neck, and Kara’s arms held Lena close, fitting perfectly around her waist. Lena closed her eyes, prepared for whatever may come, rejection or a kiss. 

"What are we doing?" Kara asked, her breathes ghosting Lena’s lips. Lena opened her mouth to answer, but Kara finally closed the distance, a quick brush of their lips left them breathless. Kara leaned her forehead on Lena’s, both breathing deeply. "Fuck."

"Kara," Lena said, still breathless. "Kiss me, don’t stop." Kara pulled her impossibly closer, her hands fit perfectly around Lena's waist, Kara licked into her mouth making her moan, she swallowed the sound, smiling despite herself. Kara trailed kisses down Lena's throat and Lena tried her best to stifle her moans, her hands playing with Kara's hair.

"I think I like you best like this," Kara mumbled against her neck, Lena feels her smile. "So , so pretty." Kara sucked on her skin, marking her, Lena held her close, making little noises. Suddenly they pulled away, Kara's eyes so wide. "I'm sorry!"

"Kara-" Lena was interrupted by the slam of the front door, making her jump. "Fuck," she whispered, a hand through her hair.

"What happened?" Came Sam's voice from up the stairs. "Where's Kara? We're supposed to leave together."

"We kissed," Lena said, her face buried in her hands. "We kissed and I must've done something to upset her and she ran away-"

"Calm down," Sam said, her hands were around Lena's shoulders in an instant, leading her to the living room. "I'm sure she just got scared, okay? It has nothing to do with you, you're perfect."

"I really like her, Sam," Lena admitted softly, her voice barely above a whisper.

"I know," Sam said. "I kind of noticed a little while ago."

"What should I do?" Lena asked, sounding miserable. "She literally ran through the door, I don't even think she picked up her phone."

"Well, right now you should get dressed so we can go to the movies," Sam said. "And then we'll deal with your Kara situation, okay?"

"Can I cancel?" Lena asked. "It'd be so awkward."

"Don't you even think about it," Sam said. "Now go get changed, wear something warm it's freezing out there."

The movie was fun, and soon they were all at Lucy's place, the weather was cold but they lit a fire in the backyard, sitting on the chairs with drinks. 

"She was practicing, everybody left and she was a bit pissed about something and so she decided to stay a little later and practice some more," Lucy was telling Lena, trying her best to stop laughing. "And so I stayed, me and Nia were the only ones left but she doesn't know that, and so we put soap on the floor, and it was dark and we played spooky music and she ran from the pitch-"

"And you'll shut up," Kara said, pouring half her beer on Lucy's head.

"She definitely wasn't crying," Nia said from her place, curled against her boyfriend who was laughing. 

"So she cries!" Lena laughed, Kara didn't come anywhere near her, didn't even acknowledge her even when the movie ended and they split into cars to get to Lucy's. 

"Who wants to play with us?" Alex called, Nia got up, followed by Sam and Lucy, Brainy excused himself to watch, and Kara and Lena were alone.

Kara lifted Lena's arms and put her head on her lap. "I'm sorry I ran away," she said softly, her hands playing with Lena's. "I got scared." Lena was silent, watching as half of Kara's face was lit from the fire, the other covered in darkness, she was beautiful, Lena thought, like the moon, one part always hidden away in darkness, to never be seen or discovered. It must've been so long they were silent, that Kara shivered a little, they can hear their friends' voices from afar, still playing.

"Felicity was the love of my life," Kara answered her question from the morning. "She died in a car accident a few years ago."

"Oh," Lena said, her hand playing with Kara's hair, Kara turned and her face was buried in Lena's stomach. "I'm sorry for your loss."

"Don't be," Kara said softly, her voice held so much sorrow Lena cursed herself for asking. "She disappeared before she died, for a week, I wasn't always like this you know? But she left me and she cheated on me and I still love her, I think, and I don't know what to do."

"Kara," Lena said, hating herself a bit more. "I-"

"Tell me, Lena, is it okay for me to feel like this?" Kara asked, her voice breaking around the words. "I know she cheated and left me, but is it okay that I still love her?"

"No," Lena said, clearing her throat. "You deserve so much better, Kara, you are good and kind and you deserve someone who'll love you and treat you right."

"Okay," Kara said, and in an instant she was up, offering her hand to Lena. "Let's go home, it's late."

Chapter Text

“She said no,” Kara said miserably, her hand running through her hair, it was the award show weekend, and Lena was supposed to attend, which meant a whole weekend alone with Jim Harper. “What are you going to do? You can’t go alone with him.”

“What else am I supposed to do then?” Lena’s exhaustion could be heard clearly, Andrea had her final exams coming up, and Sam had a relative’s wedding in the countryside, so Kara was her only option. “Everyone who knows about him is busy, you were my only choice and I really can’t skip this one, it’ll be bad for me.”

“Can you call him? Tell him you can’t attend?” Kara begged.

”I’ll call him,” Lena caved, and picked up her phone, he answered after the third ring. “Hello, Mr. Harper.”

”Miss Luthor, Hi, how are you?” He spoke professionally, not leaving room for suspicion.

”I was wondering if it was possible for me to not attend the award show?” Lena asked, then bit her lower lip nervously, she knows the answer already, he made it clear the last time he saw her. She only called him for Kara’s sake. 

“It’s not possible, Miss Luthor,” he said, a bit annoyed. “You said you could make it, and I, along with everybody else in the whole world, quite literally, expect you to attend.”

”Very well, thank you,” Lena answered with a sigh. “Goodbye, Mr. Harper.”

”I’ll ask Alex, hold on,” Kara pulled out her phone, calling Alex’s number. She quickly agreed and said that the coach allowed her to leave, which made Kara angrily storm out, a pack of cigarettes and a lighter in her hand. 

Lena followed her, Kara was in the balcony of her mini-studio, smoking. They stood there together, without saying a word to each other. Their shoulders touching each time Kara moved her hand. 

“Don’t be angry,” Lena begged. “I’ll be back soon.”

”How can you be so calm?” Kara yelled, stepping on her cigarette then picking it up. “He’ll be alone with you in a hotel room, I don’t even want to think about the things he’s going to do.”

”He won’t take it too far,” Lena started, biting her lower lip. When Kara levelled her with a look she sighed, and added softly, unsure. “I’m sure he won’t.”

”How can you be sure?” Kara accused, her eyes burning red, she looked so angry, or so close to crying, Lena couldn’t tell which was true, maybe it was both. 

“Because he could’ve done so ages ago,” Lena said, looking at the faraway tall buildings. “Because he never did.”

”I don’t like this at all,” Kara said after a few moments of silence. “I wish I could be there with you.”

“I’ll call you as soon as I land, okay?” Lena promised. “And I’ll call you once I make it into the hotel, okay?”

”Okay,” Kara agreed, finally looking at Lena. “Don’t you dare forget, call me as soon as you land, I’ll be waiting for your call.”

Before Lena could answer, her phone rang, interrrupting them, she saw Alex’s face and answered it, telling her about the flight details. 

“How about we share a room?” Alex suggested. “Honestly, the hotel is a bit too expensive and Sam is weirdly begging me to stay with you at all times, so is that okay with you? If not-“

”Yes, Alex please do stay with her,” Kara intervened, looking at a relieved Lena, who nodded her consent. “Don’t leave her side at all, okay?”

”I’m okay with sharing my room,” Lena said, taking her phone from Kara. “But I think we might have to share a bed.”

Alex said she’d better start packing, and said goodbye, Lena hung up and put her phone in her pocket, waiting for another fit of rage from Kara. 

But instead she looked at her in a funny way, like she wanted to kiss her, like she might actually do it. Lena wanted her to do it so badly, but Kara shook her head and walked to her room, slamming the door shut behind her. Lena sighed and made her way to her own room, deciding to start packing since she’ll be leaving first thing in the morning. 

Kara didn’t leave her room all day, and when it was time to leave Lena walked inside her room, to find her still laying in bed. 

“Kara,” Lena called her name from where she stood. “I’m leaving in a few minutes.”

Kara didn’t move at all, and Lena sighed, she picked up a sweater from her drawer, walked out and closed the door behind her quietly, she decided to make Kara her usual breakfast since she has enough time. Just as she washed her hands and put on her shoes, Kara came running down the stairs, in her sleep shorts and sports bra. 

“God, I thought you left,” she said out of breath as she stood in front of Lena. “I’m glad you didn’t.”

”I’m leaving now,” Lena said, and before she knew it Kara’s arms were wrapped around her in a bone-crushing hug, lifting her off the ground as she held her closely, before she put her down gently. Lena looked up at her, confused. “What was that for?”

”Nothing,” Kara answered her, she kissed her forehead, her hands cradling her face, her thumbs brushing her jaw in a soothing movement, Lena wanted to stay in this moment forever. “I just wanted to say goodbye before you leave.”

“I made you breakfast, and I got more apple juice for you,” Lena said, changing the subject because she doesn’t know what else to say. “You have everything you need-“

Kara kissed her, softly, slowly, she was taking her time, devouring her carefully, as if she was something precious, Lena kissed her back, trying desperately to tell her all the things she couldn’t say. Kara pulled back to catch her breath, Lena kept her eyes closed. 

“I’ll miss you,” Kara admitted softly, her eyes closed to hide the intensity of the feelings that are consuming her currently. 

“I’ll be back before you know it,” Lena promised, her hands stroking Kara’s cheeks. The doorbell rang and the spell was broken, reluctantly, they pulled away from each other. “I’ll see you soon.”

Kara just smiled at her, she wanted to carry her bags for her but they heard the noises when they made their way downstairs, so they stood inside for a bit longer, Kara hugged her again, her arms around her waist, Lena’s arms around her neck, they stayed like that for a few more minutes, none of them saying anything, then they pulled away and Lena left, Kara watching her from the safety of the apartment. 

Lena was seated by the window, she pulled up her notebook and started writing as they made their way to pick Alex up, as she wrote the song she thought about Kara, about the long and dreadful weekend she’s going to spend away from her, about all the feelings she cannot say, the possibilities of that last kiss, that last hug. 

It was hard to silence her rebelling heart, the skip and somersaults it does each time she looks for the blonde only to find her eyes already on her, tender and caring, if this is love then Lena had been a fool, all of the songs she’s written would pale in comparison. 

She closed her notebook when Alex got in the car, trying to kick Kara out of her head, Alex waved and smiled at her and Lena smiled back. 

“Just so you know, I’m terrified of planes,” Lena said, and Alex smiled at her.

”Oh I know that,” Alex said, leaning back in her seat casually, then added at Lena’s confused look. “Super fan, remember?”

“Oh,” Lena said with a laugh, she often forgot around Alex. “Well, at least it won’t be so awkward.”

”Don’t worry, Kara used to be scared of them, too,” Alex smiled. “So, I’m used to it.”

Lena didn’t know what else to say, but she smiled gratefully. Alex was a good person who cared for her deeply, she didn’t even use Lena at all, it was nice. Lena was grateful for all the good people that surrounded her now, despite still being under Jim’s thumb, she knows she’ll be okay when this nightmare is over because she won’t be on her own anymore. 

“Can we take a selfie?” Alex asked. “To let Kara and Sam know we’re together?”

”Yeah, sure,” Lena shrugged, sitting straight next to Alex with a dimpled smile. “We can do a livestream, kill the time until we make it to the airport?”

”That’d be amazing,” Alex said, then she smirked at her. “They’re gonna ask you about Kara, you know?”

”What about her?” Lena asked, her brows knitted in confusion. 

“Well, everybody thinks you’re dating,” Alex replied, then adding. “Honestly? Even me.”

”But I’m straight,” Lena said, the lie coming easily to her after having said it so many times. 

“Did it ever stop them before?” Alex asked and Lena shrugged, then she held up her phone and started the livestream on instagram. “I have a special guest with me, we’re riding in the car to go somewhere I will not be saying because I know you’re going to make it hard for us to reach our destination, anyways, here’s Lena, come say hi!”

”Hello guys, how’re you doing?” Lena smiled at the phone, seeing her blurry image before her, then she looked down at the comments, the views were skyrocketing and Alex’s eyes almost dropped from her skull. “Alex and I are going to the award show this weekend, and I have a surprise for you so stay tuned!”

”You can’t say that Lena and expect us to shut up,” Alex whined next to her. “See what I have to put up with? She always does this.”

”Shut up Alex,” Lena rolled her eyes playfully, and then looked down at the comments, blushing furiously after reading the questions about Kara, who was watching the livestream. “Just to let you all know, Kara and I are just friends, and we both see the stuff you tag us on, so please be nice, okay?”

”See? No one believed me when I said you were friends,” Alex said, moving her eyes in victory, shortly they ended the livestream. 

K.D:  You’re okay?

Lena smiled at the text and answered her, Alex looking at her with a knowing smirk, Lena ignored her as she opened her twitter, the first tweet she saw was Kara’s. 

@kdanvers28: Why do we feel?

Lena didn’t say anything, but liked the tweet, biting her lips, anticipating the rumours, she decided to risk it and tweet one of her own. 

@LenaLuthor: I’m missing half of me, when we’re apart. 

Kara liked her tweet and Lena bit her lower lip, smiling at her phone, Alex took a picture of her and sent it to their group chat. 

Alex Danvers:  I swear she’s in love. 

Sam: Too cute. 

Nia Nal: Luvers are going strong i love this

K.D: whats up

”Alex!” Lena hit her on the shoulder when she checked the group. “Your phone priviliges are gone.”

”That was a cute pic!” Alex defended herself. “Even Sam agrees!”

”Sam’s your girlfriend, I’m pretty sure if you took a blurry picture of your shoes she’d say it’s cute,” Lena argued and Alex stuck her tongue out childlishly, Lena just shook her head and looked down at her phone. 

Her tweet went viral, like anything she did, but this time the attention didn’t annoy her at all, even when she thought of the consquences of this tweet, she hoped Kara knew the tweet was about her. 

She saw Andrea’s name on her screen and picked up. 

“Andy,” she said with a sigh. 

“I really want to tell you that everything’s going to be alright, but I’m worried,” Andrea’s voice came through, and Lena smiled softly. “Why didn’t you take Kara with you?”

”Her coach didn’t allow her to come,” Lena answered. “But Alex is with me, so it’s going to be okay.”

”I’ll be in London as soon as I finish my exams, I swear,” Andrea promised her, and Lena smiled again, full of affection for her. 

“I’ll be waiting for you,” Lena said, making Andrea laugh softly. “Not long now, I’ll text you when I land and when I get into my room, but please stop worrying and focus on your studies, promise me?”

”I’ll try my best, take care Lena,” Andrea said, she sounded exhausted. “I love you and I’ll see you soon.”

”I love you too,” Lena said before hanging up, they were at the airport and the place was crowded, Lena was glad as the security guards formed a circle around her and Alex, running to make it to their terminal. 

“I don’t know how you do it,” Alex said as they sat down, running her hand through her hair, a habit so reminiscent of Kara. “I’m really glad nothing bad has ever happened to you because that’s crazy,” she pointed at the direction of the gates, where surely the fans still stood there. 

“I’d say you get used to it, but I never did,” Lena shrugged. They had a few minutes before they boarded the plane, so they talked about the upcoming season, their team participating in the upcoming championship, meaning that they’d have matches all over europe, not only in the UK. But it also meant that their team is amazing, and Lena thought they really were. 

Soon they boarded the plane, and Lena thought of texting Kara before the take off, but she didn’t, Kara only asked her to call when she landed, and so Lena continued reading her book, an interesring horror story about a pet cemetery. 

Soon the book was forgotten, Lena’s knuckles turning white from how hard she’s holding the armrests, Alex was next to her, she took her hand. 

“Have you heard of Quantum Entanglement?” Alex asked her. 

“It might’ve came up,” Lena answered. “My whole family are scientists, I’m the only exception.”

”Okay, what do you know about Quantum Entanglement?” 

“It’s that phenomenon that occurs when particles cannot be desrcibed independently, right?”

”Yes,” Alex says. “Even when they’re separated, they’re always connected, so if one of them had an anitclockwise spin, this means that the group as a whole has an anticlockwise spin.”

”But some of the scientists, such as Einstein, considered it impossible, since it violated the rules,” Lena argued, remembering a similar conversation she had once when she was younger with Lex. 

“Yes,” Alex said. “But later on it was proven to be true, by repeated experiments where even when they are separated by larger distance, the particles shared the same characteristics, but still Quantum Entanglement can’t be used for faster than the speed of light communication.”

”I may sound like a fool right now,” Lena said with a smile. “But love, true love, to me is very similar to Quantum Entanglement, we can’t get rid of those we truly loved, they live on in our hearts forever, their place can’t be filled by another, therefore we cannot be described without them.”

”But if it was true love, it would’ve lasted,” Alex argued. “Wouldn’t it?”

”Not necessarily, no,” Lena answered. “In my opinion, I think you can love someone very much but they can’t love you the same amount, or you can’t be good for each other, so you have to be broken apart, and although you still love them, you know you can’t be together.”

“How come?” Alex asks. “I think that love in itself is powerful enough to keep you together forever.”

”Well, sometimes even when you’re truly in love it’s never enough,” Lena says, thinking of her next words, how to express herself clearly. “I think that sometimes when you love someone so much you have to let them go, you know? Like when you have the courage to love them, you also need to have the courage of letting them go, not every love story has the happily ever after, you know what I mean?”

”Yeah,” Alex says thoughtfully. “But not every love story has to be tragic.”

”Tragedy and love are two faces of the same coin,” Lena smiles at her, the plane now is fully in the air, and they pause their conversation, taking the time to think of what the other had said. 

Lena may have never known true love, but she read about it in books, saw it in movies, heard it in songs, it wasn’t hard to make assumptions, she knew infatuations well enough, but she wasn’t a fool to think that they were one and the same. 

Lena fell asleep, and woke up when they landed, with Alex working as a shield with the security guards as she made her way to the car, they sat in relative silence and instead of calling she texted Kara, knowing the time difference. But Kara’s picture lit up her phone as soon as the text went through and she answered with a soft smile. 

“Hey,” Kara’s voice was a bit rough, as if she just woke up. “How are you?” 

“I’m good, just landed,” Lena answered. “Were you sleeping? Sorry I woke you up.”

”Don’t worry about it,” Kara dismissed her apologies. “I’m glad you texted, is Alex going to stay in the same room with you?”

”Yes, I think the hotel is full,” Lena said. “Is there a problem?”

”No!” Kara yelled. “Sorry, no no, I was just making sure that you won’t be alone, for you know.”

”Oh,” Lena said, and for a few moments it was just slow breathes and silence, both of them not knowing what to say. “I’ll let you go back to sleep, I’ll text you when I make it to the hotel, okay?”

”Okay,” Kara said after a few moments. “I’ll probably call you again, just to check, is that okay?”

”More than okay,” Lena said with a smile. Alex arched her eyebrow in question but Lena avoided looking into her eyes when she hung up. “That was Kara, she says hi.”

”So,” Alex smirked. “What’s up?”

”Nothing’s up,” Lena replied, trying to keep her cool, to calm her heart which was still beating too fast after hearing Kara’s voice, it was going to be a very long weekend. “What?”

”I know something’s going on between you and Kara,” Alex said, still smirking. “Knew it the moment she came running when we had the barbecue at Lucy’s.”

”I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

”I saw you, when we went playing football,” Alex said. “So, what’s up?”

”Promise you won’t say anything to anyone,” Lena said. “Like, never?”

”Promise,” Alex’s winning smile was annoying. “Now speak up.”

”We kissed, that night,” Lena whispered. “And she ran away, and then we kissed again before I left and I don’t know what to do!”

”Wait, what do you mean you kissed?” Alex asked. “Do you know about Felicity?”

”Kara’s ex?” Lena asked, her eyebrows knitted. “What’s she got to do with any of that?”

”Kara loved her,” Alex said simply. “Like really loved her, she was devastated, couldn’t move on for years, I just find it a bit surprising.”

”It’s not like we’re dating or anything,” Lena said, annoyed. “We just kissed, that’s it, also why aren’t you surprised that I’m into women?”

”Please Lena, everybody figured you were a lesbian since forever,” Alex scoffed. “Look, I’m really glad it’s you, I really like you and you’re a good person so I’m happy for you, I know we joke about you two being weird and living in your own world, but Kara? Well she’s been happier, healthier, you know? I think being with you has been good for her, so I’m happy for you both.”

”What do you mean everybody knows?” Lena asked. “I’ve never been with a woman my entire life, I’ve dated men!”

”What about Sara Lance?” Alex asked. “For someone who interacts with their fans a lot, you’re awfully ignorant about the theories, like I could show you hundreds of theories about you and Kara alone, not the other women you’ve ever been close to.”

”Okay, this is a bit weird,” Lena laughed. “But seriously, Sara was just a friend-“

”Fast Car, who’s it about?” Alex challenged. 

“Okay fine, it was about her.” Lena rolled her eyes. “But that’s it.”

”I’m reading your last tweet, and I feel like I know who you wrote it about,” Alex made a disgusted face. “But tell me anyway.”

”Well, it’s not about anyone in particular,” Lena lied, Alex arched her eyebrow, scoffing. “Seriously!”

”Kara liked it immediately, and you tweeted it right after she tweeted ‘why do we feel?’ like can you be any clearer?”

”Is it that obvious?” Lena bit her lip nervously.

”Well, duh!” Alex said. “I’m not even the ‘let’s make theories about Lena’s life’ type of fan and could figure it out, you need to be smoother.”

”Fine, I’ll delete it then,” Lena socffed, opening her phone. 

“No, don’t,” Alex said. “It’ll only fuel the rumours, just be careful, okay?”

”Okay,” Lena smiled gratefully at her. “Thank you.”

”What for?” Alex asked. 

“For being so accepting,” Lena said. “I know you’re a lesbian, and so is Kara, but you’re one of the few people who know about me being a lesbian, so thank you for reacting like this, I-“

”Lena, before I’ve known you? I used to worship the ground you walked on, literally, ask Kara!” Alex interrupted her, now sitting next to her. “It just means a lot to me that you trust me enough to come out to me, you know? God, I know coming out isn’t easy for anyone, let alone you, but I just wanted you to know that a lot of people will still love you no matter what, me included, because you’re truly amazing.”

”You’re too kind,” Lena looked away, never getting used to compliments. “But I’m glad we’ve met, you’re an amazing friend.”

Before Alex could reply, they stopped in front of the hotel, and soon they checked into their room, Kara immediately calling Lena to check up on her, since Alex posted on her snapchat that they made it to the hotel safely, Lena’s room was spacious, and Alex said that the couch is more comfortable than her bed back in National City, Lena decided to take a warm bath before she slept. 

Soon, Lena was making the last touches, her make up done, already dressed for the event. Alex was chatting with her stylist, dressed in a dark maroon suit, Lena’s gift for agreeing to come with her on such short notice. Jim couldn’t do anything, not while Alex was glued to her in a way that made Lena suspect she knew, he was annoyed, and he’d probably take it out on her later, but right now Lena couldn’t care less, not when Kara texted her ‘Good Luck’, or when she posted a picture on her snapchat, the TV on the channel that the show was on. 

Lena knows that after this weekend it’s going to be a long time before they meet again, because of Kara’s matches, so the song she’s going to sing is a bit too emotional, but Kara is watching her so she’s going to sing it anyway. 

“Ready?” Alex asked. 

“Yes,” Lena said, clutching her bag as they made their way to the lifts. “I’m nervous.”

”Don’t worry,” Alex smiled. “It’s going to be amazing.”

”I wish Sam was here,” Lena sighed. “The stage feels less like a stage when she’s up there with me.”

”Well, I can make a fool of myself if you want,” Alex said. “Crack a few dad jokes, get kicked out, would totally make you relax.”

”Please don’t,” Lena laughed. “I’ve heard your dad jokes, respectfully, I need you to stay in your seat.”

”Fine,” Alex rolled her eyes, scoffing. “I really thought we were best friends after this trip.”

”You’re so dramatic,” Lena said, patting her shoulder. 

“Learned from the best, now let’s take a selfie, for the group only,” Alex said, pulling her phone up. “Kara’s been annoying me all day wanting to see you.”

”Are you serious?” Lena asked, blushing with a soft smile. 

“Oh my God, you’re totally in love,” Alex laughed, taking a picture of Lena. “I-“

”Shut up, Alex,” Lena pushed her away, now her blush is as deep as Alex’s suit. “If Kara wanted to see me she could’ve texted me.”

”Yeah sure,” Alex laughed. “She says you look lovely, with a shameful amount of heart emojies.”

Lena only smiled, the compliment settling around her, making her feel warm and giddy, her heart beating fast. 

“What song are you going to perform?” Alex asked. They made their way to the car peacefully. 

“It’s one I just wrote actually,” Lena said. “It’s called ‘If I Could Fly’, I think it’s going to be great.”

”Is it a guitar song?” Alex asked. 

“It could be, but I was thinking piano this time,” Lena said. “Since it isn’t complete.”

”Oh,” Alex said. “I love your piano songs, they always make me feel things.”

”I’m honoured,” Lena smiled. Soon they made it to the place, plesantaries and compliments were made as Jim led Lena through the room, Alex walking around with them. Lena met some old acquaintances, musicians, singers, songwriters, it was a bit disorienting, to meet people she had known, had thought were her friends early in her career, to find them not changed, still shallow and backstabbing, but she moved with grace, smiling and making small talk. It would’ve been awkward, or as awkward as the magazines would put it surely, to meet her exes, some of them, the singers at least, were there, but Lena only cared to perform, to accept her award and get back home to Kara’s arms. 

Alex was bored, but she smiled and talked with people, staying close to Lena even when Jim was annoyed, she knows, or suspects, like all fans do. But it’s none of her business, not unless Lena confides in her. So she sticks around, only sits down when Lena is swept to get ready for her performance. 

And that’s when Jim finds her alone in a hallway, he quickly leaves a mark on her neck, as she tries to push him away with all her might, panicking. 

“I know what you’re up to, Lena,” he says, sneering at her. “But I hope you know you’re going to pay for it.”

He doesn’t stick long enough to hear her answer, and as she looks around she realizes that there’s a security camera, so she abandons getting ready for her performance and instead makes her way to the security office, asking to have the tapes, even paying money. She has evidence, more evidence with Kara’s still with them. This slip up is going to cost Harper, she thinks, tasting her freedom. 

“Miss Luthor! You’re up now,” an IT guy tells her, his tablet in his hand as he seems stressed, Lena smiles at him and follows him, where they quickly fix her hair and make up before she steps on the stage, a piano already waiting for her. 

“I’m eternally grateful to be here,” she says into the mic, looking into familiar and unfamiliar faces, staring back at her. “I’ll not take long talking, but this is a song I wrote, it’s about missing someone so much that it feels like you’re not whole, it’s not finished yet, but I reckon it’ll be good enouh, it’s called ‘If I Could Fly’, and it goes like this.”

She starts playing the piano, a lovely melody echoes through the place, the lights dimmed to fit the vibes of the song. 

If I could fly 

I’d be coming right back home to you

I think I might

give up everything just ask me to

Pay attention I hope that you listen

’Cause I let my guard down

Right now I’m completely defenceless

She smiles into the mic, her voice shaking as she sings the next part, her soul bared to the whole world, to Kara. 

For your eyes only

I’ll show you my heart

For when you’re lonely

And forget who you are

I’m missing half of me

When we’re apart

Now you know me

For your eyes only

She stops singing, as tears escape her eyes, she only plays the piano for a few more minutes, and then stops completely, catching her breath. 

“I hope you liked the song,” she says, looking into one of the cameras, a soft smile curving her crimson lips. “And now, good night to everyone here, hope you enjoyed the show!”

She went down the stage to thunderous applaud, making her way to the bathroom to fix her make up, her feelings consuming her entirely. She took a few deep breathes, before washing her face with cold water. Alex found her and they quickly made their way outside, to her car, Lena couldn’t relax until she was drying her hair, after taking a warm shower. 

“Here’s the superstar, you were great!” Alex was filming her and she laughed, putting her hand on the camera. “Your fans are dying to find out when you’re dropping the song!”

”I quite literally just wrote it,” Lena said, still laughing. “It might take a little while guys, but it’s definitely going to be on the next album, don’t worry!”

”Which means very soon,” Alex said, flipping the camera to herself. “So, save your money and get ready to buy and stream it.”

Lena rolled her eyes, still in her bathrobe, her hair still dripping wet, she gave up and put on her pajamas, deciding to order food instead of going out for dinner. 

“I’m going for a run,” Alex said. “Mr. Harper said he’s leaving with some friends, lock the door when I leave, and I’ll call you when I come back okay?”

”Okay,” Lena said. “I’m ordering dinner, is there anything in particualr you’d like?”

”Anything that isn’t seafood is fine,” Alex said, tying her shoes, Lena’s phone was buzzing. “I won’t be long, then we can watch that movie.”

”Perfect,” Lena said as she made her way to her phone, smiling when she saw Kara’s name. “Hi,” Lena answered shyly, biting her lower lip as she locked the door after Alex left. 

“Hello,” she could hear Kara’s smile. “I love the song, when we meet again you’re going to sing it to me.”

”It’s not complete yet,” Lena says, walking around the room. “But thank you, I’m glad you do.”

”Are you alone?” Kara asks. Her tone sounding serious. 

“Yes, Alex just left for a run and Harper isn’t here,” Lena said. “Why?”

”I saw the mark,” Kara said after a moment of silence. “Are you okay?” 

“Yeah, I’m okay,” Lena said softly. “He slipped up, I have the footage, maybe I can get someone to work up a case, just to get ready for when my contract is over.”

”That’s good, yes,” Kara said. “You should, I can ask Ms. Grant, she’s one of the best attornies I’ve worked with. Maybe she can work your case, or get someone good to do it.” 

“Thank you, Kara,” Lena’s tone was tender, softer than she intended. “For everything, I- just thank you.”

”Lena?” Kara called after a few moments of silence. “When we’re together again, will you go out on a date with me? We don’t have to go out, now I truly know your fans, but will you consider it?”

”I’d love that, Kara,” Lena couldn’t hide her smile, not like she wanted to anyway. 

Chapter Text

Lena was in London, her tour finally done. Andrea finished her exam which meant days spent lazily around her country house, or going out shopping, spending as much time together before life crept on them and they got too busy, they were having brunch together at a ridiculously expensive restaurant, but the privacy was good, the paparazzi were kept far away, and the tables were secluded, Andrea and Lena were sitting by a window, enjoying the cold breeze that freshened the stuffed air around them.

“It isn’t anything against her exactly,” Andrea was saying. “It’s just that you’re too trusting, and I remember how cruel she was to you just a few months ago.”

“A lot has happened in those months,” Lena smiled at her. 

“I know, which is why I’m not saying you shouldn’t give this a chance,” Andrea explained, lowering her voice in case someone overheard them. “Just be careful, okay? I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Don’t worry about me, love,” Lena leaned closer, a smirk on her face as she arched her eyebrow, making Andrea groan before she even spoke. “Who’s Russell?”

“I met him at a party a few months ago,” Andrea said. “I was in a not so friendly place after Gayle.”

“I know,” Lena groaned. “God, how you put up with her? She was not worth it, at all.”

“I know that now, believe me,” Andrea said, and Lena smiled at her, holding her hand from across the table. “Anyway, he’s really nice and I like him, a lot.”

“I must meet him,” Lena said, leaning back in her chair, fully relaxed. “Give him the talk, see what his intentions are for you, and the likes.”

“You’re lucky I love you,” Andrea said, rolling her eyes. “It’s getting late, we should leave so we can make it to the movies in time.”

“Okay,” Lena said after checking her watch, they got up and walked, holding hands as they made their way outside, the sounds of clicking cameras from behind bushes was annoying, Andrea gave them the finger as Lena got settled inside the car.

“They’re annoying,” Andrea huffed after the security closed the door for them, Lena’s driver already driving them to the movies. “Sometimes I just want to punch them.”

“Well, you always give them something to talk about,” Lena said lazily, showing her phone to Andrea, blurry pictures of them making the headlines. “I just ignore them and they eventually leave.”

“I’ll keep that in mind the next time a jerk blinds me with flashes,” Andrea scoffed. “Now, tell me more about Kara.”

“She’s been driving me around, since I still didn’t take my lessons,” Lena said, sitting straighter and closing her phone. “That’s how we got to know each other better, you’d think living in the same house will force us to speak.”

“You’ve always been special,” Andrea snorted, and Lena rolled her eyes. “Well, she’s an amazing athlete, so definitely not so bad in the bedroom, she just needs to pull her shit together.”

“Andy!” Lena was mortified, Andrea just shrugged and laughed. “We didn’t even go out on a date, then again I don’t know how that’s possible, every time I’m in town she’s on an away game, and every time she’s in town I can’t even make it home at a decent time, sometimes I think Harper knows and just wants to make my life miserable.”

“I hate that man,” Andrea said. “I want to kill him.”

“Me too,” Lena sighed.

Kara had a match in Spain later that day, so Andrea, Sam and Lena made plans to watch it at Lena’s place. But as soon as she saw Harper’s name on her phone she knew her day was ruined.

”Miss Luthor, how are you?” He asked politely, not waiting for an answer. “You have a date today with Jack Spheer, it’s been too long since you’ve been seen in public.”

”I can’t today,” Lena argued. “I have other plans.”

”Do we have to meet in person to discuss this?” He said calmly, and although his tone didn’t betray anything, Lena knew what he meant. “Because I am free in two hours.”

”No, Mr. Harper,” Lena said with a sigh. “I suppose I have to go get ready.”

”Very well, Miss Luthor,” he said, and in a warning tone he added. “Behave properly.”

Lena hung up, and asked her driver to take her home, Andrea had heard the conversation and so little was said as Lena sat thinking of telling Kara what happened, what will happen that night.

But, she didn’t call as she was ushered into the shower, she took a quick shower, then went to get her hair done, she was supposed to wear something that matched Jack’s outfit, that much she knew. She didn’t care at all, it was like a business meeting she was forced to attend, one that she felt distant from. She got dressed and got her hair and make-up done, Kara was doing the interview before the match, she looked ethereal, Lena longed for her in a way that frightened her. 

"I'll watch the game when I get back," Lena said to Andrea, who stood with her arms crossed. "I know what you're going to say, please don't."

"Fine," Andrea huffed. "We'll be here, I'll even record the match for you so you don't have to wait for the rerun."

"Thank you, you're the best," Lena kissed her cheek and made her way out to the town car waiting for her. Jack was already there as was planned, so he can be like the perfect boyfriend, who waits for his girlfriend, pulls her chair for her, kisses her cheek and all that, Lena can't wait to be at home again.

"Hello, love," Jack greeted her with a kiss on her cheek at an angle that made it seem like they were kissing, well aware that they were being photographed. "Sorry, need to give them something."

"No need to apologize," Lena smiled at him as he pulled her chair for her. "How are you?"

"I'm good, things are good," he held her hand across the table. "How are you?"

"I'm good, working on a new album actually," Lena smiled at him, in what she hoped was a loving smile. "I think that maybe we should work on a song together."

"That'd be great, just tell me when and where," his enthusiasm was something pure and endearing. "I have a few songs I need your opinion on, maybe after this dinner we go to my place?"

"I can't today, sorry," Lena's smile was apologetic. "I had plans prior to this but you know Harper, he just told me this afternoon that we have a date."

"Typical," he scoffed. "No worries, I'm sure we can work something out, I'm still not going on tour until later this year so we have plenty of time."

"Thank you," Lena said, glad he was understanding. They've met a few times at award shows and they were friendly, he wasn't very famous, he was still climbing the ladder as he usually said, but he was kind and understanding, and Lena loved that in him, she was glad that he was the guy who'd be her first PR, hopefully her last since it's just one more year with Harper. They ate their food and talked about mutual friends they had, who's dating who, who's going to drop an album and of the sorts. Soon they were back in his car, their bodyguards, mostly Lena's, following them on a separate car as they made their way to a club, all planned by Harper.

But of course it wasn't a normal club, it was a strip club, Jack's face dropped when he noticed, and he turned to her, panicked. "We have to go there," Lena sighed. 

"I swear I didn't know it was a strip club," he said. "I thought it was a normal club, like the usual."

"It's okay," Lena said. "We'll just have a drink then leave, we don't even have to drink, they just have to see us go inside, I'll have my driver to wait for us at the back door."

"Okay," he groaned, and they went inside, hand in hand. As soon as they made it inside, the smell of alcohol and sweat greeted them, the dimmed lights and the loud music made it hard for them to find each other, so Lena made her way to the bathroom to text him, but a hand grabbed her and she turned around ready to fight, only to find Jim swaying before her, he was drunk, as he pulled her flush to his body.

"Stop it," Lena pushed him, his mouth already on her neck. "Someone might see."

"Don't leave just yet," he said, pulling away from her, he pushed two male strippers, clearly drunk, in her face. "They're leaving with you and your darling boyfriend."

Lena didn't say anything as she made her way outside to her car, the men stumbled out but she closed the door, Jack was nowhere to be seen so she asked her driver to take her to any hotel, not ready to go back to her place and face Andrea and Sam's questions, she just wanted to be alone for a little while, think. She can stop singing, give it up after her contract is over, or she can go to Harper, end this all. Kara's name lit up her screen, and she threw her phone away, surely it's all over the news now, pictures of her and Jack kissing, then leaving to that club, it doesn't take a genius to connect the dots, all orchestrated by Jim.

She falls asleep naked, despite how cold it is, the snow falling outside her window. She gets dressed quickly, some clothes she found outside her door, probably her bodyguard had delivered, she doesn't even look for her phone, leaves in a hurry to Jim's place, despite it being dark outside, and cold, the streets mostly empty. She doesn't know what time it is but she knocks either way.

"It's me, Lena Luthor," she says, as the butler opens the door for her. "Where's Mr. Harper?"

"He's asleep, Miss," he says, not looking at her. "I'm sorry, it's late."

"What time is it?" Lena asks, and he points at the digital watch on the wall. "I'll wait in his office, tell him it's urgent."

She doesn't wait for an answer as she makes her way to his home office, she's been there countless times before, she knows her way quite well, she sits there waiting for him, she made her mind.

"Lena," he says, locking the door behind him, she stands up quickly. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"I'm here to give you what you want," Lena said, taking off her t-shirt. "Go on, you can do whatever the fuck you want, I am done fighting you."

"What are you talking about?" he asks, sitting down with a cup of whiskey in his hand. 

"You know what I mean," she says, her hands shaking as she takes off her pants, now standing only in her underwear. "I'm tired and I'll give you what you want."

"What makes you think I want this?" he says, a cruel smile on his face. "You've always been mine, a toy I get to play with, you say you're a dyke but here you are, stripping in front of me. But I don't want you."

"What?" Lena asks, confused. "It's not a trick, I don't even have my phone- Just please end this."

"Go back to your place," he spat out, pushing her. "I'll take what I want when I want, and right now you disgust me, I can't even look at you."

Lena left, her clothes in her hands, his driver took her to her place, not looking at her when she got in the car, he put his jacket on her when he stopped in front of her door, his look was pitiful when she looked at him. She didn't make her way to her room, instead she let herself in the minibar, deciding to get drunk, she was shivering, but she still didn't get dressed, she just kept on drinking, bottle after bottle, she doesn't even know if Sam and Andrea are here or left. She kept on drinking, even after her vision was blurry and she could barely stand up, she cut her hand when she crawled over some broken glass, but she was so numb she didn't even feel a thing.

"Come on," Kara pulled her up. "Let's get you cleaned up then we can talk, okay?"

"D'you wanna hear my new song?" Lena's voice was raspy, her words were slurred. "I just wrote it, it's called I'm a whore."

"Lena," Kara warned, but Lena kept on repeating it, singing it to Kara. "Stop it, Lena, don't say that."

"It's true, I am a whore," Lena argued, then looked up at Kara, suddenly she looked sober. "Who won? I didn't watch the game."

"It doesn't matter, let's get you cleaned up," Kara said, pulling her to her feet, and when she swayed Kara carried her. Lena buried her face in Kara's neck, closing her eyes.

"I know you're doing this out of pity," Lena mumbled. "But please don't leave me today."

"I won't," Kara promised her, as she set her down on the toilet, looking for the first-aid kit to clean her wound. "I'm sorry but this is gonna sting," she said as she started cleaning it, Lena crying silently. "I'm sorry but I have to ask, did he-?"

"No," Lena said, looking at the floor. "I went to him willingly but he didn't even want me, I mean, who would? I'm disgusting, I even took my clothes off so he could just get it over with but he refused, I'm a whore I know that."

"Don't say that, please," Kara begged, slowly wrapping her arms around Lena, who kept on crying, her face buried in Kara's shoulder, she didn't even hug her, her arms limp around her body.

"I am so tired, Kara," she rasped out. "I wanted him to end my agony but he doesn't even want me, and no one does, no one would touch me not even with a ten foot pole, and the people I want don't want me, I'm a mess, but please don't leave me, just for the night, just until I fall asleep okay? Then you can leave."

"Who could ever leave you?" Kara said, kissing her temple.

"Who could stay?" Lena scoffed, her eyes red from the crying, or drinking.

"I'll stay with you." Kara held her tighter, her heart aching at the sight of Lena. She booked the fastest flight when Lena wouldn't answer her, she knew something was wrong when she saw pictures of her kissing that man, when she called and Lena didn't answer, she has to go back there, but right now she'd stay with Lena.

"Did you eat anything?" Kara asked as she covered her with blankets, turning on the heat. 

"Don't go," Lena held her hand desperately, her face panicked.

"I'm just going to get changed," Kara smiled at her, but Lena still held her hand, so Kara just took off her clothes. "I'll get some of yours okay?"

"Okay," Lena let go, and in a moment Kara was back, her chest flushed to her back as she spooned her. "You can leave when I'm asleep, it won't take long."

"I'm not leaving you," Kara whispered, kissing her shoulder softly, Lena held onto her hands, making herself smaller as Kara pulled her closer, she quickly fell asleep, while Kara couldn't, so she decided to clean the mess downstairs, picking up the empty bottles and wiping the blood, soon it was morning and finally done she made her way upstairs ready to go back to bed, but she found Lena, shirtless sitting in front of the huge windows, watching the snow fall.

"You're awake," Kara said, sitting next to her, cross legged on the cold floor. "How are you?"

"I'm sorry," Lena whispered. "Do you remember when I asked for your help with Harper?" Kara nodded, Lena still didn't look at her but she could see the movement, with them sitting right next to each other. "Don't, there's no use doing anything."

"Lena-"

"Kara please just drop it, I'm tired," Lena yelled at her, and Kara sat frozen, looking at her. They were interrupted by the door opening, and Kara leapt to her feet, ready to fight if it was Jim Harper.

"Lena, darling?" Lillian's voice called, and Lena jumped to her feet, running to hug her. Lillian held her, kissing her head. "How are you? You're freezing, sweetheart, let's get you dressed okay?"

"Mum," Lena cried, not letting go or moving, her mother just kissed her head. "What are you doing here? Why didn't you tell me you're coming?"

"Mr. Harper said you weren't doing well, and he booked me a flight to come here," Lillian said, holding Lena's face in her hands as she carefully looked at her. "What's going on sweetheart, tell me."

"Harper? As in Jim Harper?" Lena asked, confused.

"Yes silly," Lillian laughed at her. "Your manager, Mr. Harper."

Lena shared a look with Kara, who was standing by the window, confused. 

"Let's get you upstairs," Lillian said, pushing Lena to the stairs. "Hello Kara, how are you?"

"I'm good," Kara said, still confused, she shook her head then made her way to Lillian, kissing her on the cheek. "Where are your bags? I'll carry them for you, you can have my room I'll stay at my friend's."

"No don't worry, I'll stay with Lena," Lillian smiled, making her way to the kitchen. "Just be a dear and go check on her, I'll start on making breakfast."

Kara knocked on Lena's door, before letting herself inside, Lena was in her balcony, sitting on the sofa, her knees pulled to her chest as she stared into the distance, Kara grabbed a blanket and draped it over her shoulders, sitting next to her.

"It's not pity, you know," she whispered. "I care about you, I truly do."

"Then I'm sorry," Lena said, wrapping the blanket tightly. "I'm not worth it."

"You keep saying that," Kara said. "But I'm beginning to think you're the only thing that's worth fighting for."

"Why are you being so difficult?" Lena huffed. "I'm trying to give you a way out because being with me isn't easy, I'm not an easy person to love!"

"Who said I wanted easy?" Kara said. "I see right through you, you know, there's nothing you say or do right now that would keep me away from you, I care about you in a way that I've never cared about anyone for so long."

"I'm broken," Lena whispered, finally looking Kara in the eye. "A hundred million pieces, all scattered, I'm scared I can't be fixed."

"I'll put you together again," Kara said, tucking Lena's hair behind her ear, her thumb gently brushing her cheek. "And if you can't be fixed I'll still care about you no matter what, you're the most important person to me."

Lillian's voice called them down, Lena put on a hoodie she found on the floor and made her way down, Kara went to her room and slept.

"I thought you were staying with Lex and Eve?" Lena asked, drinking her tea as her mother put more food on her plate. "Wasn't she supposed to give birth soon?"

"Yes," Lillian smiled at her, urging her to eat more. "I was thinking maybe you and I go out there, stay for a couple of weeks, Mr. Harper said it's okay, he thought that you should take a break."

"Oh," Lena said, looking at her drink. "Mum, did you see what they wrote about me?"

"Never believe a word they say, love," Lillian kissed her temple. "You're so much better and kinder than what they say about you."

"I'll go pack my bags," Lena said, getting up.

The hoodie she was wearing was Kara's, so she decided to take it with her, she'll be gone for a while so she took half of her comfortable clothes, some of her books, just as she was picking her socks Kara walked in, having just woke up.

"Where are you going?" She asked, rubbing her eyes.

"I'm leaving with my mum," Lena said, putting her laptop and notebook in her backpack. "I'll be gone for a while, my brother's wife is giving birth soon."

"Oh," Kara said, leaning on her doorframe, watching her like a hawk. "When will you be back?"

"I don't know," Lena said, finally looking at her. "You can call me, I'll probably not be online that much but you have my mum's number, it's going to be okay."

"Are you going to be okay?" Kara asked her, and Lena shrugged. "Take care of yourself."

Lena hugged her, hoping that it may convey some of the things she was feeling inside of her, the most important one of them is her being very grateful.

"I lost my phone," Lena said sheepishly as she pulled away. "I have your number so I'll call you as soon as I buy a new one."

"Okay," Kara smiled at her. "I have to go back now, but I hope I'll see you very soon."

"Kara," Lena called, the blonde turning to look at her. "Did we win? Yesterday's match?"

"Oh, yes we did," Kara's smile reached her eyes, and Lena blushed, realizing what she said. "2-1."

"I'm glad," Lena smiled at her, her face a lovely shade of pink. "Congratulations."

"Thank you," with that, Kara made her way to her room, Lena watching her before she eventually left with her mother to the airport.

Chapter Text

The first thing Lena notices when she steps into the room is how huge Eve’s tummy is, it’s really huge. Like, might explode kind of huge. The next thing she notices is, for the first time in years, her family is whole. They’re all together, gathered in the hospital room waiting to welcome the newest member of their family.

”I’ve missed you!” She said, walking over to hug Eve, who kissed her cheeks. “How are you? How’s my little niece?”

”Lena, I’ve missed you,” Eve said, holding her face in her hands, as if checking her. “Come here,” she said, pulling her for another hug.

Eve was Lex’s first and only girlfriend, they’ve met when they were in high school, Lena was still a kid back then, and Eve was like an older sister to her, she took care of her and talked to her when school was tough. Lena was a lonely kid who got bullied and picked on by other meaner girls, so Eve was always there for her, took her to the movies and to salons.

”My favourite sister,” Lex said as he opened his arms to hug her, Lena rolled her eyes.

“I’m your only sister,” she said as she hugged him. “How are you?”

“I’m good,” he smiled down at her. “How are you? Mum says you’ve been crying like a baby,” he teased her. “Are you okay?” He asked, softer this time.

”I will be,” she smiled at him. “I have nothing to do so I’m planning on spending my time with my little niece when she arrives,” Lena said as they sat down by the window, Lillian was talking to Eve. “Are you nervous?”

”I am,” he admitted softly. “I’m scared, what if I hurt her? What if I’m not a good parent?”

”Lex, you’re the best,” Lena said. “Of course it’s scary, I mean it’s like a whole person, you know? But you’ll do a good job because you’re a good person.”

“How can you be sure?”

”I’m not,” Lena smiled at him. “But I’m pretty sure Eve and Mum will kick your arse if you do anything stupid.”

”You’re probably right,” he chuckled at that and she grinned at him.

”Where’s dad?” She asked, getting up to lie on the bed next to Eve.

”He’s running late, but he’ll be here soon,” Lex answered her, pushing her off the bed. “Now, let my wife rest.”

”You’re annoying,” Lena pouted, sitting cross-legged on the floor next to the bed as he covered Eve with her blanket. “I’m going to get some coffee, would you like anything?”

”No, sweetheart,” her mum said. “Just make sure you’re covered so no one would recognise you, okay?”

Lena went to get her coffee, and no one recognised her, which was like a miracle, so she decided not to push her luck and get back to Eve’s room, but when she got there the room was empty, confused she put down her coffee and went to ask a nurse.

”What do you mean she’s giving birth?” Lena asked, still confused. “I just left for five minutes to get my coffee!”

”Well, is there anything you need assistance with?” The nurse behind the counter asked, annoyed.

”Nothing, sorry,” Lena apologised. “Well, can you take me to where she is?”

She led Lena down hallways, to where her mum stood outside. She thanked the nurse and waited, she could hear Eve’s screams, which made her make a promise to herself that she is in no way getting pregnant, because it sounds too painful.

A few minutes passed, then a doctor told them that they could come in. The baby was in Eve’s arms, so small and fragile, Lex was crying as he carried her, then her mum took her. Lena was scared to carry the child, but she looked in wonder at the sweet creature in her mum’s arms.

”When are we getting her back?” Lena asked as the nurse took her away. “Mum, why did they take her?”

”They have to clean her and feed her,” Lillian explained as she got the room ready for when Eve returns. “We’ll get her again in a few moments, now help me clean the room.”

Lena cleaned the place with her mother, it was already clean but she wanted to do anything until the angel came back. In a few minutes Eve was back with Lex.

”We decided to name her Hope,” Eve said with a tired smile, Lex holding her hand as he stood next to her bed. “Hope Kieran Luthor.”

”You’d name her after me?” Lena asked, her eyes teary.

”Well, we also have something to ask of you,” Lex said, then looked at Eve who nodded. “Will you accept being the Godmother of her?”

”Yes!” Lena yelled, hugging him. “This is the greatest day of my life, I love you guys so much.”

”I got this on film!” Lillian said, smiling proudly at her children, just before Lena could protest the nurse opened the door, pushing the little crib where Hope was in, so small and vulnerable.

The first few days were peaceful, Lena never carried her, afraid to hurt her, she just watched her with careful eyes, full of love and adoration. The first time she held her was when she walked in the room and no one was there, Hope crying, and no matter how much she shook her crib, she didn't stop crying. So, Lena remembered how her mum explained to her how she can carry her, careful of her head, Lena held her, moving about the room, speaking to her softly about stupid things, Hope finally calming down, her face calm.

"Darling, don't you ever grow up," Lena said to her softly, gently kissing her soft forehead, the smell so sweet and addicting. So perfect. "Stay this little, my darling," Lena was crying, just watching her eyes fluttering, she gently touched her cheek with the tip of her finger. "I'll always keep you safe, my sweet girl."

"Still want her to be a singer?" her brother asked, leaning on the door frame, watching them with a soft smile on his face.

"No," Lena whispered, looking down at the miracle between her arms. "She can be whatever she wants to be, she's already perfect."

"May I see her?" A voice asks from the door, and they turn to see their father, still in his work suit, his tie loosened, his hair a mess. He somehow looks older, his hair all white now, but he still looks the same. Lena walks over to him carefully, before giving her to him. He looks down at her with a smile, and for a while Lena feels okay, around her family, her life isn't falling apart. She knows they'll patch her together when she's ripped to pieces.

She has a desperate need to keep Hope small, this way she knows she can protect her, like this, so young and sweet, untouched. God, Lena wants to keep her this way, forever.

"I've got the place ready for you," their dad whispered to them. "It's still the same, if you want to come and stay with us for a while."

"I'd love that," Lena whispered, afraid of waking the little thing. "Lex?"

"I'd ask Eve first," he said, taking his daughter and putting her in her crib. "But I'm sure she won't mind, it'll be like old times, right?"

"I've missed you so much," her father said, hugging her. For the first time in a long time, Lena felt small, as his arms tucked her, she felt safe, like she often did when he held her after school, talking to her, distracting her from the cruel words little kids said to her. He kissed her head, then her temples, then her eyes, like he always did. "Are you taking care of yourself?"

"Yes," she lied easily, he's getting older, and she's getting scared of losing him, of losing her mum. "I just had a tough time, but now I'm taking a break to just relax."

"That's my girl," he smiled, still holding her. "Lex I've had enough of," he joked as Lex laughed, waking Hope. "But you, I haven't seen you in ages, and I'm not letting you out of my sight for as long as you have time."

"You have me for a couple more weeks," Lena said, kissing his cheek. "Then I'm back to London to get back to work, Lex give her to me," Lena huffed when he couldn't get her to calm down. She started singing the silly song she just made up for her, moving around, Hope immediately calming down, her hand wrapped around Lena's finger.

"How did you?" He asked, in disbelief, Lena just stuck her tongue at him, their dad laughing softly at them.

"Eve's supposed to get out soon," Lex said to Lionel, who was sitting on the chairs, watching as Lena whispered to the baby. "And Hope's all good, so we'll be all together in a few days I suppose."

"That's good," Lionel smiled at his son. "The place is ready, your mum and I thought it'd be great for us all to be together again for a little while, it's been too long."

"We've missed our Miss Superstar at our gatherings," Lex said, smirking at Lena who didn't even look up at them, focused on her one-sided conversation with Hope. "We've lost her again."

"That's life, son," Lionel said in a faux-mourning tone. "We were always going to lose her, sooner or later."

Lena just gives them a look, then her mum walks and smiles at her. "You've got a phone call," she says, taking Hope from her arms and giving her the phone, confused, Lena says a tentative Hello.

"Hey, you," comes Kara's voice, scratchy, the sea between them, nevertheless still filling her with warmth, Lena can't fight her smile as she walks out for some privacy.

"Hey, you," she repeats Kara's words, and for a few moments all that can be heard is their synced breaths, Lena bites her lip in anticipation.

"How are you?" Kara asks, soft, tentative.

"I'm good, better," Lena answers truthfully. "I've been meaning to call, but I forgot to get a new phone, I've been busy with Hope."

"Congratulations, by the way," Kara says with a smile. "How's she like?"

"Kara she's so small! And she smells so nice, and when I kiss her cheeks or forehead her eyes flutter closed and she's just perfect I just don't want her to grow up, ever," Lena spoke passionately, it was strange, how such a small creature made her feel so fiercely. "I know I just met her and she isn't mine, well, not unless something happens to her parents, anyways-"

"Are you plotting to kill me and my wife?!" Lex asks, faux shock on his face as he stands in front of her.

"Are you her godmother?" Kara asks on the phone, the same time Lex speaks.

"Yes, I am," Lena answers them both, glaring at Lex who just shakes his head.

"That is so great, Lena," Kara says, and Lena can hear the smile in her voice, misses her terribly. "You'd make a wonderful mother, you're the most caring person I know."

"Thank you, darling," the word slips easily from her mouth, Lex arches his eyebrow and she feels her face blush. "I have to go now, but I'll call you soon, okay?"

"Okay, take care of yourself," Kara says, and Lena thinks she hears a bit of disappointment in her voice, but Kara hangs up before Lena could say anything.

"Well, what did you want?" Lena asks, her mother's phone still palmed in her hand.

"What happened to your phone?" He asks. "Who were you calling?"

"I lost my phone at an hotel, I think, and I still didn't get a new one," she says, leaning on the wall behind her, arching her eyebrow at him. "Why do you care?"

"Because," he says with his annoying smile. "I'm your older brother, I need to know if you're seeing someone."

"I'm not," Lena answers, too fast. He just raises his eyebrows, amusement on his face. "Fine, it's complicated, I like her, I think she likes me, we can't date because," Lena shrugs. "Well, because I'm me."

"What's wrong with you?" He asks, the casualness in his voice makes the knot in Lena's chest loosen a bit, she can breath freely.

"I'm not exactly an easy person to date," she says. "It'll have to be a secret, we can't do any of the stuff normal couples get to do," Lena takes a deep breath, looking at the ground for a moment. "In order to get a chance at finding love, I think I'll have to give up my career, and I'm not willing to do that."

"Lena," he says, his tone soft, loving. "If she asks you to give up your career, or can't handle the attention she gets because of you, then is she really worthy of you?"

"Nothing like that happened," Lena says. "It's complicated, I mean we kissed, twice, and that's about it, she asked me on a date but I got really bad and mum had to come get me, you know how bad I get sometimes," he just looks at her with a tender look in his eyes, understanding. Lena didn't realize how much she'd missed him. "This year, things have been a bit too much, you know?"

"Yeah," he sighs, kicks an invisible stone. "Mum mentioned you sharing your place with someone?"

"Yeah, Kara Danvers," Lena says. "Remember her mum? Eliza?"

"Yeah, I guess," he scratches his temple.

"Well, her mum called mum and asked her if she could stay with me," Lena says. "Apparently she couldn't find a place so mum offered and I couldn't exactly say no."

"You could, you know," he says, at her confused look he adds. "Say no, I mean, I think you should say no more."

"I'll have to work on that," Lena says. "Anyway, I have to go buy a phone, I miss scrolling through the internet."

"Just be careful, okay?" He says gently. "They're not very nice, the things they're saying."

"Oh," Lena says, and then she just shrugs and makes her way to her car, where her driver is waiting. She sits in the backseat, brooding, she knows she isn't a saint, the media isn't very fond of her exactly, but it has never been this bad. They've been talking about her for months now, criticising her weight, her paleness, the marks, her relationships, for God's sake. Lena knows it isn't true, none of it, they're painting her as someone she's not, but her family sees this, sees the comments the not so nice ones about her, and she worries because what if they believe those?

She sets up her phone and logs into her social media, opens her twitter. Of course she's trending, only this time it's just a hashtag; #RespectLena, she clicks on it and finds a video of Kara leaving the stadium, fans and reporters crowding her space, asking questions about Lena. "Respect Lena, give her space," Kara's blurry face is speaking into one of the mics. "I know this is your job, this is how you put food on the table but just try and remember she's only human."

Lena smiles, Kara defended her. She knows she shouldn't care that much, but well, Kara defended her, it fills her with warmth and appreciation for the other woman. She opens her instagram and finds a video of her in the hospital, Hope in her arms, she's singing in a low voice to her, the words too quiet to be understood, it's posted on one of the news accounts, the ones fans make for their artists. Her mum sent the video and a few pictures she took of Lena completely unaware, her focus on Hope only. Lena picks a photo of her cradling Hope, making sure that the child's face isn't visible, and another one of Hope holding her finger. She posts it with the caption

'Your little hand is wrapped around my finger, and it's so quiet in the world tonight.

Meet Hope Kieran Luthor, my niece, my goddaughter, the light of my life.'

She logs out after that, deciding that she took her daily dose of social media. She thinks of Kara, who only has one month left of staying with her, then she'll be off to Cambridge, having secured her spot with her team. Lena can't deny that she'll miss her terribly when she's gone, although she's messy, and loud, and broke about every rule of Lena's, she brought life into her quiet home, and it was nice, to come home after a trip, or a concert, or a day at the studio, to find someone else there, even if at first Kara didn't even tolerate her existence. She thinks of texting Kara, but stops, opting to instead check her email. Of course Harper regrets letting her go, and he sent about a thousand emails asking her to return to London for a podcast they agreed she'd make an appearance at a few months ago, Lena feels somehow better, so she isn't fully against the idea of returning to London, but she'll stay for a few days more.

The days spent with her family are slow, blissful, uneventful. Mostly spent doting around Hope, spoiling her with kisses and hugs, just watching her in general, but leaving was hard, promises of visiting again as soon as she can, Lena felt a sort of a relief when she set foot in her place, Kara's shoes and coat weren't by the door, nor thrown messily in the living room, in fact the place was clean, and Lena knows Kara left, so she makes her way upstairs, contemplates sleeping in her own bed, but instead she resigned and opened Kara's room, deciding to sleep there instead of her own bed, she takes off her clothes, and falls under the blankets, surrounded by Kara's smell.

"Good night, Kara," she whispers softly before falling asleep.

When she woke up the next morning, refreshed, Lena decided to take a relaxing bath, she opens the door, and Krypto ran to her, wanting to lick her face, Lena looked up to find Kara walking out of her room, her hair tousled like a halo around her head, only in shorts and her sports bra, Lena slowly stood up, and made her way to Kara, who was still staring at her, her mouth slightly open in surprise. They stood right in front of each other, Krypto ran down the stairs, both of them blushing furiously. Lena spent the night in Kara's room, wanting to be close to her but not knowing how, while Kara slept in her room, seemingly wanting to be close to her as well.

"You start it this time," Kara says, her voice rough. She looks down at Lena's lips, they're so close now, gravitating towards each other like magnets, no matter how far away they'll always find their way back to each other. Lena pulls her down for a desperate kiss, her hands holding Kara's face, cradling it preciously. Kara pulls her closer, her hands around her waist, before walking her towards the wall, they kiss, as if they were both dying of thirst.

"I've missed you," Lena confesses softly when they pull apart to breath. "We're idiots."

"Why didn't you tell me you were coming?" Kara asked, her hands caressing Lena's cheeks.

"I thought you left," Lena said. "I thought you left and that would only complicate things further more, and I didn't want to get hurt."

"I couldn't leave," Kara admits. "I was supposed to, but I couldn't because I missed you and if I left I'd lose my only connection to you."

"I'm here now," Lena says after a moment of silence. "I'll be here for a few days, then I'm off to America."

"We have to make the most of those days, then," Kara smiles at her, and Lena just hugs her, her head resting on a solid chest, strong arms are wrapped around her, Lena feels safe right there. "I've missed you, too," Kara whispers and Lena smiles, burrows deeper into her.

Chapter Text

Lena wakes up next to Kara, the early morning sunlight sneaks through the blinds, Kara's laying on her stomach, her face half buried in her pillow, her back, tanned and muscular, red lines marking it, memories of their activities from the day before makes Lena blush, Kara stirs, opens one eye and smiles at her.

"Good morning," Kara says, her voice rough from sleep. Lena smiles at her, dimples showing. "How long have you been watching me?"

"Good morning," Lena says, still softly smiling. She feels as if her heart might fly away from how fast it's beating. "A while, did you sleep well?"

"Mhm," Kara says, then gets up and stretches, not at all caring that she's naked. Lena watches her from the bed, like a hawk. She sees a tattoo just under Kara's left breast, words in a language she doesn't know, Kara sees her watching. "It's El Mayarah, means 'Stronger Together'," she offers, Lena looks up at her, Kara's offering her hand, Lena takes it, and allows herself to be pulled. "It's ancient Kryptonese, my first language."

"Oh," Lena says, surprised. "Didn’t know there were any Kryptonians left"

“Well, you’re looking at one of the last two,” Kara smiles, but there’s sadness in her eyes. Lena doesn’t know what to do but hug her, so she does. “My cousin is the other one.”

“Didn’t know you had a cousin,” Lena says, surprised.

“I’d love for you to meet him one day,” Kara says, her hands around Lena’s waist. “And Eliza, too. She’s my adoptive mother.”

“I’d love to meet them too,” Lena says, breathless. She feels her face get hotter, blushing, Kara smiles as if she’s endeared.

“Now, I think we should go on that date,” Kara says, still smiling. “You’re here and I’m here, and God knows when we’ll be in the same city again.” 

"I'd love that," Lena smiled, her dimples framing her lovely mouth. Kara kisses her, kisses her dimples, smiling widely. "I do have one question, though," Lena asks, her tone serious, Kara pulls away enough to look at her, her eyebrows arched in a way that is too similar to Lena's. "Aren't you annoyed by my fans? They can be too much sometimes."

"Honestly? I have nothing to hide, while I prefer that my life stay private, I know eventually I'd lose that, it happens all the time with football players all around," Kara explains. "On the other hand, they're bringing attention to my team. Did you know that we have almost more than double the fanbase we had last season? And it's all because of being friends with you."

"So you're okay with it?" Lena asks in disbelief. "They'll get only worse, I mean you have seen the pictures they made of us when we weren't even friends to begin with."

"Yes, they were a bit weird, to be honest," Kara scrunches her nose in that way that has Lena melting. "But, I don't blame them for being protective of you."

"You're making it hard for me," Lena groans, her face buried in Kara's neck. "How am I supposed to push you out?"

"You're not," Kara says, her arms wrapped around Lena, both of them naked, warming each other. "You will find that I'm a difficult person to push away, I really do like you, and I think you do like me enough to give us a chance."

"I do," Lena murmurs, her face still buried in Kara's neck, who holds her just a bit tighter.

After that conversation, Lena finds herself sitting with her towel and candles in front of the bathroom door, she takes a picture and uploads it on her instagram: How am I supposed to shower when she steals my turn? Her post goes viral, and she turns off her phone, waiting as she listens to Kara sing, who surprisingly has a very nice voice. Kara's singing If I Could Fly, a song Lena wrote for her, and it fills her with warmth, finally, Kara comes out after a few moments, a towel wrapped around her waist, her abs on full display, the water on her skin makes her glow , and Lena pathetically whines as she watches her, Kara only smirks at her.

"Come on, Luthor," Kara grins at her, drying her hair with a towel. Lena watches as her muscles get taut, and Lena swallows, getting up. "We're going to be late."

"I'm getting you back for this," Lena threatens, but Kara just leans down and kisses her, stealing her breath away. "God, Kara. "

"I'll get your coffee ready," Kara says, pulling away and going to Lena's room, since she's been spending every night there since Lena left apparently. It fills Lena with warmth, or something like that she can't put into words yet. It's nice to know that Kara missed her, has been as miserable as she was all the time they've been apart. "Just don't spend three hours there, okay? We're already going to be late as it is," Kara says before disappearing into the room.

After standing in the hallway for a few minutes, Lena forces her legs to work and she gets into the bathroom, lighting the candles and playing music from her phone as she waits for the water to get into perfect temperature. She doesn't take long, not by her standards at least, because she doesn't want to be late, but when she gets dressed in washed jeans and a new sweater her mum got her, Lena gets downstairs to find Kara already making breakfast, the TV is turned on, an old match is playing, Kara has her headphones on, dancing around, Lena takes a picture of her, decides to put it as her wallpaper. Kara's wearing a dark blue sweater with white jeans, she looks so handsome Lena goes to her and pulls her down in a hard kiss.

"What was that for?" Kara asks, a smile tugging her lips. "Not that I mind."

"Nothing," Lena says, flushed and breathless, Kara looks unimpressed. "Fine, you just look so handsome ."

"Thank you," Kara says, now her cheeks are rosy, and she can't hide her smile, she pulls Lena close, her hands never leaving her waist. "You look beautiful, you always do."

Lena doesn't know what to say, she can practically feel how red her face is, but thankfully Kara pulls away, remembering their breakfast, she gives Lena her coffee with a disgusted look and Lena just rolls her eyes, Kara asks her to just sit down because apparently she's got everything under control and doesn't need her help.

"Where do you wanna go?" Lena asks, eating the scrambled eggs Kara made her, somehow her coffee's perfect. She probably thinks it's because Kara made it.

"It's a secret," Kara smiles at her from across the table.

"You have to tell me, so my security can meet us there," Lena says.

"Lena, we're going on a date," Kara says. "No one would recognize you, I promise."

"But what if they do?" Lena asks, biting her lower lip nervously. "Things can get out of hand quickly."

"Trust me?" Kara asks, and when Lena nods she smiles at her. "I swear if I thought you'd be recognized even by one person I'd tell you to bring your security, but I believe no one knows about this place."

"Okay," Lena sighs, because she trusts Kara. Because she knows Kara won't let her get hurt. "I trust you."

"Good," Kara's still smiling at her like she means the world to her, Lena feels giddy and soft. "Now finish your breakfast."

"Kara," Lena called nervously, she knows what she's about to ask is something big, especially in their relationship, but she figures they're basically living together, even if it was their last month together. She takes a deep breath, feels relaxed when Kara's warm gaze falls on her. "Will you go with me? Visit my family? I'd really like you to meet them officially, and I'd really love for you to meet Hope, she's so lovely and tiny and just so pure and I love her so much-"

"Lena, baby relax," Kara said, softly brushing her cheek, kissing her palm. "I'd love to meet them, especially Hope."

"Really?" Lena asks in disbelief, she adores Kara, and knows, or at least hopes that Kara adores her. But meeting the family? She was so nervous, but of course Kara would agree, she's great with people and her mum already knows her, Lex and her dad may get a bit defensive, and Eve, well, she hopes at least she'll take a liking to Kara faster than these two.

"Yes, really," Kara smiled. "Your mom knows me pretty well, and I've already met your dad once, so I think I'll only have your brother and his wife to impress, and obviously Hope."

"You're such a dork," Lena laughed, slowly relaxing into her chair, reading the newspaper. 

"I'm your dork, so deal with it," Kara said, then got up. "I'll have to change my flight, when will we be leaving?"

"Cancel your flight, we'll take my jet," Lena said. Kara's surprised look made Lena blush. "It's hard for me to travel publicly, and I really hate flying."

"Just exactly how rich are you?" Kara asked, amused.

"Rich enough to have a jet I guess," Lena bit her lower lip, some people hated that. How rich she is, or that she's more famous than them, her friends left her, or betrayed her because of that, and some of the supposed break-ups happened because of that, she hoped Kara won't mind, because she really liked her and she really wanted to give them a chance, to try her hardest.

"Hope's going to be spoiled rotten, one aunt is a superstar and the other is a footballer," Kara said, then stopped, the blood rushing to tanned cheeks. Lena smiled, fond, fond, fond. "Sorry, that was too fast."

"It's okay," Lena said, still smiling. "I like that, us having a future together."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," Lena nodded, Kara got up and put her plates in the dishwasher, Lena following closely. "Aren't you going to tell me where we're going?" Lena asks, hopeful, a dimpled smile on her face as she leans on the counter, Kara turns around, kisses the tip of her nose.

"No," Kara says, simply, pulling Lena to the front door. "Now put on your coat and shoes, I'll bring the car around, okay?"

"Okay," Lena said, standing on her tiptoes, kissing Kara before pushing her out the door with a laugh as Kara tried to deepen the kiss. Lena quickly put on her coat, her collar hiding most of her face, her beanie covering her ears from the cold, and finally her sunglasses, no one would recognize her unless they looked closely, and even then they'd have to be looking for her to recognize her, she held Kara's coat in her arms, since she left wearing only her grey sweater and blue jeans.

True to her word, Kara was outside in her Lamborghini, opening the passenger door for Lena who quickly climbed in, ignoring the camera flashes and shouts of paparazzi, hoping that they won't dare and follow them, but Kara was an excellent driver, and even if they followed them, they'd lose them from how fast she was driving, the narrow streets she drove in just to make sure no one was following, Lena was grateful, and high on adrenaline from how fast they were going, she's always adored fast cars, and if music wasn't her passion she's sure that somehow she'd end up as an F1 driver or something of the sorts. Kara looked at her when they stopped at a red light, her smile never leaving her face, lounging in her seat as her right hand held the steering wheel.

"There's something about you in the passenger seat," Kara said, shaking her head and driving at the green. "I don't know what it is but it's something."

"Good, I hope?" Lena asked, sitting straighter, a bit insecure as she played with her seatbelt, Kara gave her a look.

"It makes me want to kiss you until we're both out of breath, and then some more," Kara replied, her hand squeezing Lena's knee through the layers, and Lena wants so much to feel her touch on her bare skin, flashes of last night making her blush even more. "We're here."

Lena looked at the small café, it was sort of empty, just a few patrons here and there, but it was cosy, the smell of coffee and pastries and the crackling fire making it seem as if they walked into a portal, so in contrast of the outside world, where thick snow filled the streets, still falling gently, giving the city a look of gloom even in the morning, Kara walked to a table in the corner, near the fireplace and a bit tucked away, Kara smiled at her, and Lena took off the layers bit by bit, her jacket on the back of her chair.

"So, I've tried their pain au chocolat and it's my favourite. I've also tried their café au lait, also very good," Kara said, sharing her menu with Lena, their shoulders touching. "I've also tried their tiramisu, it was good but I don't think it's a good idea to have something cold, so if you'd like we can try it in the summer?"

"Yeah, that'd be lovely," Lena said, not even trying to hide the smile, she wants to kiss Kara, she looks so lovely with her flushed cheeks and enthusiasm. "I think I'd like a caramel macchiato, and a pain au chocolat, and then we'll see if we'd like to have some more?"

"Yes," Kara smiled at her. "I'll be back in a sec."

Despite spending so much time with Kara in the last year Lena felt nervous, wanting so much to impress her even though Kara's seen her at her worst. Lena really liked her and she's considered coming out more frequently ever since she felt the first pull of attraction, the thought never leaving her. Lena wants to be with Kara in every possible way, but she also doesn't want to tie Kara down, because a secret relationship isn't something the blonde deserves, no, Lena wants everybody to know that she belongs to Kara, she wants to scream it into the world, she's falling for an amazing woman, who's kind and brilliant, whose smile outshines the sun itself. Lena feels so lucky she gets to have this with Kara, but she wants more.

"Hey, penny for your thoughts?" Kara said, settling into the chair next to her. Lena took her hand under the table, wanting to be close to her, hoping no one would notice.

"There's something I've been considering," Lena smiled, now tracing the lines of Kara's palm. "But it's nothing important, don't worry. I just wanted to know how's your break going so far?"

"Good," Kara said, sitting straighter. "I've been looking for a place in Cambridge actually, the coach told us that we'll be there for the next season. We'll be playing in Abbey Stadium instead of Wembley."

"Oh," Lena said, trying to hide the disappointment in her voice but failing miserably. "Abbey is good?"

"Definitely not," Kara chuckled, her hand squeezing Lena's. "It's considerably smaller but there's only one person I'd care to watch me," Kara shrugged. "It's you , if you were wondering."

"I'll make sure to be there any time I can," Lena replied shyly. Kara smiled at her before getting up to bring their order, an easy smile on her face as she thanked the barista and spoke with the cashier, before eventually making her way back to Lena. “I’ll miss having you around,” Lena admitted, picking at her pain au chocolat, too nervous to make eye contact.

”I’ll miss being with you,” Kara said. “But it’s not a long drive from Cambridge to London, right?” Kara asked. 

“Mhm, two hours I think,” Lena said. “Not a long drive, I can make it when I’m in London.”

”See? We’ll come up with plans, we only have to keep it low,” Kara smiled at her, foam on her upper lip, Lena reached without thinking and wiped it with her thumb, licking it. “That was hot .”

”Shut up,” Lena shoved her gently, blushing. “I was thinking, I have some sort of concert in Paris on new year’s eve, think you can make it?”

”I think so, yeah,” Kara said. “I’ll just check with the team then tell you, okay?”

”Sure,” Lena said, already thinking of what it’d feel like to sing some of the songs she wrote about Kara with her in the crowd, it made her feel giddy, full of love. “What else do you have planned for today?”

”Not gonna tell you,” Kara wiggled her eyebrows playfully, making Lena roll her eyes. “Just enjoy yourself, okay?”

”I am enjoying,” Lena said softly, squeezing Kara’s shoulder for a brief moment. “This is just what I needed.”

”Good, because we’ll have to leave for our next destination,” Kara said, standing up and holding her hand for Lena to take. “It’s not too far away, if you’d like we can walk a little?”

”Yeah, sure,” Lena said, putting on her coat and beanie. Kara held the door open for Lena, and they went away, hand in hand, Lena feeling confident because no one recognized her, leaning her head on Kara’s shoulder most of the way, true to her word, after only ten minutes of walking they stopped in front of a little bookstore, it was empty, Kara opened the door ushering Lena inside the warmth. “You’ll have to drag me out of here eventually, you know that, right?”

”We have all the time in the world,” Kara said, holding Lena’s coat. Lena kept her beanie, mostly because she didn’t want her hair to get ruined, partly to hide her face because the place was so small, and she already spotted a poster of one of her albums. Lena walked further in the store, going to the horror section. Kara giving her suggestions, picking up a few books she wanted to read as well. When Lena went to pay, she knew she’d be recognized, but she was also afraid, she picked a few books with themes on coming out, sapphic love, secret relationships, she hoped the cashier/bookstore owner won’t recognize her.

”You’re Lena Luthor?!” She semi-yelled, Lena smiled, giving her a little awkward wave. “Oh my God!”

”Hi, how are you?” Lena asked, rounding the counter, meeting the stranger halfway and hugging her tightly, Kara watched carefully, a small smile tugging at her lips. “You have a lovely bookstore.”

”Oh my God, I can’t believe it!” She yelled again, then cleared her throat. “I’m sorry, that was totally unprofessional. Would you like a bag?”

”No no, it’s okay,” Lena chuckled. “Would you like an autograph?”

”If it’s okay with you? I don’t wanna make you uncomfortable or anything,” the girl said, Lena having a chance to read her name tag.

”Claire? That’s a lovely name,” Lena complimented, and she blushed. “Well, what’s your favourite book?”

”I don’t have one , but I think maybe The Picture of Dorian Gray?” Claire said, scratching the nape of her neck. 

“A classic, I love it!” Lena said. “Do you have your copy?” 

“Yes, actually,” Claire said sheepishly, looking for her copy, before giving it to Lena, who opened the first page and started writing a short message for her.

”Have you read ‘A Little Life’? It’s a bit sad but it’s my favourite,” Lena said, signing and giving Claire her book with a smile. “I always like to curl with a cup of tea and read it.”

”I’ll definitely read it,” Claire said. “If you haven’t read The Song of Achilles, or The Secret History, I think you should, they’re also my favourites.”

”I actually have The Secret History here, I’ll go and get The Song of Achilles,” Lena said, but Kara stopped her with a smile.

”I’ll go and get it for you,” she said, making her way to the Greek mythology section.

”Oh my God, is that Kara Danvers?” Claire exclaimed. “My nephew adores her.”

”Here you go,” Kara said, putting the book on top of Lena’s pile.

”Can I get your autograph?” Claire asked nervously.

”Yeah, sure!” Kara said, taking the pen from Lena with a smile. “Just where?”

”It’s for my nephew,” Claire said. “He loves you, watches all of your games!”

”That’s so sweet, thank you,” Kara smiled, her cheeks going pink. Lena keeps looking at her, not able to hide her smile, she’s so proud of her. “How old is he?”

”10, he started playing when he was 7,” Claire said, showing them a picture of a blonde boy in a Manchester City soccer outfit. 

“He’s so adorable,” Kara said, giving Claire the paper she signed, she wrote a little message for him. “Can you take a picture of us?”

”Yeah, sure,” Claire said, taking Kara’s phone. Kara quickly wrapped her arms around Lena’s shoulders, both smiling wide. 

“Would you like a picture?” Lena asked.

”Yeah, if it’s no trouble?” Claire said shyly, Kara made space for her between them, and Lena took a selfie on Claire’s phone. “Sorry I’ve probably wasted your time, would you like a bag? It’s on the house, we have some lovely tote bags!”

”Thank you,” Lena said, smiling. “We’ll definitely pay for the bags.”

”Really, we’re paying,” Kara added, before Claire could argue, they picked their tote bags, and paid then left, both smiling and happy. “Now we have to go back to the car because we’re leaving.”

”Okay,” Lena said, still smiling. “I think I’d like to give the library a shoutout on Instagram, do you know if they have an account?”

”I think so,” Kara said, her eyebrows knitted in thought. “Hold on, I’ll check,” Kara pulled her phone and typed, then sent the account to Lena. “Hey, is it okay if I posted our pic?”

”Yeah,” Lena shrugged. “Can you airdrop it to me? Better quality.”

”Sure,” Kara said. “I got you a gift by the way, it’s my favourite book and you’ve probably read it, but it’s the first book I’ve ever read, my father gave it to me when I was 10.”

”What is it?” Lena asked, looking at Kara, who looked straight ahead, a glassy look in her eyes.

”Oliver Twist,” Kara replied, looking at Lena then quickly looking away. “By Dickens.”

”I’ve always wanted to read the book but never actually did,” Lena said, leaning close to Kara, as if there was an invisible string pulling her closer. “Now I’ll definitely read it.”

”Well, I’ve always loved it,” Kara said. “And I hope you’ll love it.”

”I actually got you a book, as well,” Lena said. “I’ve read it last summer, and I loved it and I always think about it, it’s The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo, have you read it?”

”No, I’ve never heard of it actually,” Kara scratched her temple sheepishly.

“Well, I’m glad, now you can read it and be obsessed with it,” Lena said with mischief. Kara opened the trunk of her car and put their bags in it. 

“Now, it’s colder than I anticipated,” Kara said when they settled in her car. “We can go home and spend the day watching movies, or we can explore the city?”

”Home sounds nice,” Lena said after a moment. “I don’t want us to get sick before our trip.”

”Sounds great,” Kara said, driving to Lena’s place, blasting music and singing along shamelessly, even when Lena’s songs played.

Lena filmed her, laughing as the blonde mimicked the instruments in each song, “You’re such a dork,” Lena said, putting her phone away.

”Do you think we have enough snacks at home?” Kara asked, lowering the music. “Or should I stop at Tesco’s?”

”I think we should stop,” Lena said. “We don’t have enough beverages.”

”Okay,” Kara said, taking a turn. Lena opened her phone to find Kara’s latest post, their picture at the bookstore. 

@kdanvers28:  book shopping with my favourite bookworm, aren’t we cute?

Lena liked the post with a smile on her face, posting it to her story, Harper and her whole management team be damned. 

Shopping with Kara was the most fun Lena had in a grocery store, fighting on the snacks and drinks, even though Lena knows she’ll definitely just eat a salad, not wanting to gain weight over her break, but it was fun bickering with Kara, like an old married couple, eventually Lena agreeing to get whatever Kara wanted, because whatever Kara wanted she got, Lena can never say no to her, it’s impossible.

They picked some flowers to put around the house, and soon they went out with reusable bags, putting them in the car and driving home, arguing on what movie they should watch.

”I think we should watch Dead Poets Society,” Lena said, pouting in her seat. “This is Dead Poets Society weather!”

”Just because it’s snowing doesn’t mean we have to,” Kara said, then looked at her, she sighed. “Fine, we’ll watch it, only if you let me be the big spoon.”

”You’re my favourite!” Lena exclaimed, happy. Oh, she’ll be abusing the power of her pout around Kara more. “I’ll make you hot chocolate with extra marshmallows.”

Kara smiled, finally pulling in front of Lena’s driveway, she parked the car and they quickly got out, carrying the bags and ignoring the paparazzi who kept yelling at them with an inappropriate language just to get a reaction, Lena kept walking, opening the door and ushering Kara inside, who looked like she’s ready to fight them.

”It’s okay, darling,” Lena said after locking the door, she pulled her down for a kiss. “We had a lovely date, let’s not let them ruin it, okay?”

”Yeah, you’re right,” Kara said softly, kissing Lena again, pinning her to the wall behind her. “I’ve wanted to do that all morning,” she mumbled into Lena’s parted lips. “Movie can wait?”

”No,” Lena chuckled into her mouth, giving her quick kisses before pulling away and picking up some of the bags. “Help me put those away?”

”Sure,” Kara’s dope smile was adorable, and Lena wanted to kiss her, but she walked away to the kitchen, Kara following her, talking about nothing as they worked together.

”Come on,” Kara said when they got everything they needed ready. “I’m ready to cuddle and watch a movie.”

”Just a sec,” Lena said. “Go and play it and I’ll bring the rest of the stuff with me, okay?”

”Okay,” Kara said, carrying the tray and putting it on the coffee table, turning on the TV and picking the movie, Lena quickly made her way, settling next to Kara as they picked at the snacks, the movie starting.

By the end of it Lena was crying, held by Kara who was also crying, Kara held her closer, as if afraid she’d disappear, Lena gets her. Really, the ending of the movie always makes her want to hold onto her loved ones a little bit tighter, afraid to let them go.

“I’m scared of letting you go,” Lena admits softly, she’s stopped crying, but her eyes are still filled with tears. “What if you don’t come back? Or find someone better? Someone who doesn’t have the baggage I have?”

“I wouldn’t want them,” Kara said, her voice raspy, but honest. “You’re all I want, Lena, all I’ve ever wanted,” Kara kissed the back of her head. “We’ll be just fine, okay? I’ll drive here on the days that I don’t have a match, and even if you go on tour I’ll try and attend most of the shows in Europe, and we can still call each other every day, I’ll call you when I wake up and before I fall asleep.”

“Okay,” Lena said, clearing her throat. “You’re the best thing that’s ever been mine, I don’t ever want to lose you.”

“You won’t,” Kara promised, her hands tightening around Lena. “I think I’ll always want you, Lena,” Kara confessed. “You’re not someone that can be replaced or forgotten easily, you made your mark on me, like a tattoo.”

“Maybe we should get matching tattoos,” Lena joked, wanting to lighten the mood. 

“We should,” Kara said. “But right now I think we should go upstairs and take a nap.”

Lena led the way to her room, Kara holding her hand and following closely behind, Lena went to the bathroom as Kara waited for her, scrolling through her phone, and then it was Kara’s turn, and in a few minutes they were cuddled under the sheets, an alarm set later in the afternoon. 

Lena couldn’t sleep, still energized she sneaked out of bed, tucking Kara in and kissing her head, she left the room, looking for Krypto. She played with the dog for a little while, then decided to feed him not remembering if Kara did or not, after that Lena was by the huge windows in her living room, watching the snow fall. Her phone in her hand and her notebook on her lap. 

She looked at the lyrics Jack had sent her, the song was half complete and Lena filled in the other half, though one part she didn’t like, felt like it needed to be changed. 

“ Being here without you is like I’m waking up to

Only half a blue sky, kinda there but not quite

I’m walking around with just one shoe

I’m……… ” 

“Fuck, I’m what?” Lena said, frustrated that she still didn’t get it. She sang the words again, but still there’s nothing. So, she made a noise, and kept writing, eventually going back to the part she got stuck on. “I’m officially an idiot,” she scoffed, drinking the rest of her lukewarm coffee, the taste so bitter she immediately put the mug down.

“I’m half a heart without you,” Kara said, her voice thick with sleep.

“What?” Lena asked, confused, surprised.

“I’m half a heart without you,” Kara repeated, clearing her throat. “That’s what I think fits, I don’t know though, you’re the expert.”

Lena wrote it down, singing the full song, her smile widening with each line she sang. “It’s perfect!” She said, closing her notebook happily, jumping to her feet to kiss Kara. “Why’re you up?”

“Missed you on the bed,” Kara mumbled against her neck, holding her close. “Go back with me,” she said and before Lena could say anything, she carried her, making her yelp. “Won’t take no.”

“Well, can you at least put me down?” Lena said amused. “My legs work just fine, supergirl .”

“Nope,” Kara smiled at her, putting her on the bed and crawling with her. “Cuddles, now.”

“I just had coffee,” Lena said, smiling widely. “I don’t think I’m going to sleep anytime soon.”

“Let’s not sleep then,” Kara shrugged, or tried to. Her chest was flushed to Lena’s back. Lena can feel her heartbeats. “I just want to hold you, is that okay?”

“More than okay,” Lena whispered, tender as she felt the vulnerability of Kara’s words, how soft they were uttered against her nape. She tightened her hold around Kara’s arms.

“I was a wreck when you left,” Kara’s voice was barely a whisper, Lena feels and hears how vulnerable and open she is as she confesses. “Even though we weren’t together yet, I was just used to always having you around, even though you’re so quiet, like a feather falling, I loved having you around, and then you were gone and I didn’t know how to fix things, how to keep you, and it wrecked me because I’ve seen the pictures,” Kara held her tight when she uttered those last words, as if to stop Lena from explaining, because she knew it wasn’t something she’d done willingly.

“And there was nothing I could do to make it better, and I just want to make things better for you. I know it wasn’t long but it’s been too long since I’ve felt like this about someone, and I was really walking around with a half a heart, and then one morning you walk out of my room and I just knew there isn’t anything in the world I wouldn’t do for you, I’d cross every line in the universe for you.”

“ Kara ,” that was all Lena could say, the tears escaped her eyes unwillingly, she was overwhelmed. No one had been so kind to her to the extent Kara was, the only other kindness she’d known came from her family, and really, Kara was starting to feel like family for her. “What are we going to do?”

“About what?” Kara asked, her hand softly drawing soothing circles on Lena’s bare stomach.

“About us, about everything,” Lena was frustrated, but she didn’t dare move, didn’t want to feel the coldness the instant Kara’s warmth left her, she held Kara’s hands, keeping them wrapped tight around her. “With you moving to cambridge and my europe tour starting, we’d barely see each other, and if the media caught a glimpse of us I’d be ruined, and I’m trying my best to be optimistic and see a bright side where we can survive this, survive the media and Harper and the prying eyes I just can’t, and I don’t want to hurt you!”

“It’s going to be okay,” Kara said, calm as ever. “The media is already talking about us, has been talking about us ever since I’ve moved here, I can handle them fine, and Harper we’ll deal with him soon enough, if it helps I’ll just step back, I’ll stop talking about my personal life and my sexuality and no I don’t want you to feel like you’re making me do this, I am doing it because I want to and because I never want ant you to be outed, not unless it’s on your own terms, okay baby?”

“But Kara that’s too much,” Lena whispered, hating herself and how whiny she sounds, she feels like she’s ruining things, giving up before they even had a chance to fight, she feels like some of the reasons of her fears are just in her head, but the media has been after her for months now, looking for one tiny mistake, or misstep. Every friendship is a date to bring home, every achievement is something handed to her, not something she’d work hard for, everything she does has an ulterior evil motive no one knows about except maybe her. “I just don’t want to do this to you.”

“I won’t let you give us up before we really try,” Kara said, her tone clear, sharp. But her hands were gentle and warm as they held Lena. “I am willing to do whatever it takes to be with you, and that’s all that really matters. I don’t care about the media anymore, it’s been feeding lies upon lies for years now, I’ve been stupid enough to believe them once, I’m not going to let them ruin us.”

“But what if it’s not enough?” Lena asks, afraid to ask her real question. What if I’m not enough? Is what she so wants to ask, so terrified of the answer.

“If it means I’ll be with you it’s more than enough,” Kara said, kissing her head. “We’ll be just fine as long as we’re on the same page, I’ll always want to be with you, wherever I am, wherever you are, however the distance.”

“I’m sorry,” Lena whispers, brings Kara’s hand to her mouth, kisses her palm. “I just worry, and I’m scared. I’m so scared Kara, I- I love being with you, it’s like when I sing to an audience, it’s exhilarating and it makes me feel alive but it’s also so scary because sometimes I’m just such a wreck, nothing to love. And I’m scared because I don’t want you to leave me, or what if I pushed you away and you never come back? I know it’s selfish to ask but I do that even when I don’t mean to.”

“It’s going to be okay, Lena,” Kara says. “I’ll always stay, you’ll see, you’ll grow bored of me because I’m never leaving you.”

“I don’t think I’ll ever get bored of you,” Lena says, finally smiling. It was scary to admit her fears to Kara, but it was calming, how Kara assured her that everything will be fine. “I think I’ll file a lawsuit after my trip to Paris, that way I don’t miss the show because it’s already booked, and I really want to go to Paris with you, and then when I come back and file the lawsuit I’ll finally be free, I think I can come up with the money.”

“Really?” Kara asks, her tone seems relieved, Lena can’t bring herself to look at her face just yet. Being honest and vulnerable when writing songs is so much easier than being like that with only one person, because a song, when it’s out in the world it’s no longer yours, you give it to the rest of the world and it’s just gone. “I’ll support you no matter what, but I’m sure you’ll win.”

“God, I hope so,” Lena sighs, closing her eyes tightly. “I don’t think I can ever stand him to do anything anymore, I think I might just do something stupid.”

“Lena,” Kara warns, though her eyes are still warm as ever. “He’ll end up in jail, and things will be better, I promise you. You’re the strongest person I know.”

“Come on, I want to take you somewhere,” Kara said after the silence stretched between them for too long, Lena still reeling.

“Just promise me one thing,” Lena says, nervously pulling her fingers. Kara looks at her with a sigh. “Just promise that you won’t hide in the closet, Kara. I don’t want you to hide who you are just because of me!”

“I won’t hide, Lena,” Kara says softly. Her hands cradle Lena’s face, forcing her to look into her eyes. “Whatever the media says, I don’t care. I don’t like them asking questions about my sexuality or personal life, because I just play football, okay? All I want to talk about is my team, the other stuff they won’t get a thing out of me.”

“I’m sorry,” Lena sighs, resting her head on Kara’s shoulders as she tentatively wraps her arms around her. Kara holds her, closer, firmly like she always does. “I’m making things difficult for us, aren’t I?”

“It’s okay,” Kara says, Lena hears the smile in her voice. “One of us needs to be realistic, being who we are isn’t going to make this easy, but it’ll be worth it.”

“I know,” Lena mumbles, hoping to let go of her worries. “I’m just tired of overthinking things.”

“Well, at least you’re doing it for the both of us,” Kara says, pulling away only slightly to look at Lena. “We’ll be okay, I’m never giving up on you or leaving you.”

“Okay,” Lena says, believing her. She steps on her tiptoes kissing her softly, it still blows her mind how she can do that. “Where did you want to take me?”

“Oh, you’re going to love this one!” Kara stopped, biting her lower lip nervously. “You might not, well I think you will but it’s not romantic or anything, it’s just I go there most of the time when I don’t have practice or anything to do and you weren’t around for me to annoy you.”

“Kara,” Lena chuckles, endeared as she watches Kara ramble on. “What is it?”

“Is it okay if you were possibly filmed?” Kara asks. “You might get asked for a picture or two.”

“Okay,” Lena said. “I don’t mind. Do I need to call my security?”

“No, not really,” Kara said. “Well, if you want you can so it doesn’t start rumours.”

“Okay,” Lena said, putting on her shoes and wrapping her scarf around her neck tightly. “I won’t call them,” Kara’s bright smile made her feel warm, as if the sun decided to break from the clouds and bring its summer warmth on this snowy day. “I’m curious though, what is it?”

“Can’t tell you,” Kara kissed her cheek. “Let’s go?” 

The car ride was nice, Lena filmed Kara as she drove them through the city, mostly empty now. They were out of the city, the tall buildings long left behind them now, Kara lowered the music and leaned back, her right hand on the wheel, she took a look at Lena before taking a deep breath.

“Do you know why I said half a heart?” Kara asks, her voice low, calm. She isn’t waiting for an answer, Lena’s stomach turns itself into knots, nervous, so nervous of what an answer lies to her unasked question. “It might seem too soon to you, but that’s how I felt when you left with your mother. I felt like I was half a heart without you,”

“I got so used to having you around all the time that when you left it was as if the place was hollow, the littlest things were meaningless but I kept on going, cleaning the place just so when you’ve returned it’d be the same when you left, and then I started sleeping in your room because it was easier to fall asleep there than in my own, I didn’t have as much nightmares.”

“Kara,” Lena paused, took a deep breath, then looked out the window. “I wrote If I Could Fly for you, I know for other people it may seem too fast, but my feelings for you aren’t just a crush, it’s so much more that when I try to put it into words it just slips through my fingers, you know? Funny I’ve written so many songs about falling in love but I’ve never been more wrong my entire life.”

“You’re falling?” Kara asks, bewildered. Lena bites her lower lip. “Me too,” Kara just whispers when she finds her answer in Lena’s eyes, she leans in for a kiss, just a quick press of lips, Lena’s scent engulfing her. For a few moments the world seems fair, and kind, and warm, then Kara pulls away and they settle down.

"I like the beach," Kara says, it's still snowing, there's no way they're going for a swim, Lena knows for sure. "Have you ever seen the snow on the beach?"

"No," Lena says, scrunches her nose with a soft smile. "I think it'd be weird."

"But beautiful," Kara says, Lena thinks that right now, there's nothing more beautiful she'll ever see than Kara, with her blonde hair down, soft in it's natural curls, her nose red from the cold. Lena thinks she's the most beautiful thing she's ever seen.

"You're not taking me to the beach, are you?" Lena asks, Kara just smiles at her. "Let's hope no one's watching us, your car really sticks out in this part of town."

"Hey, I come here often," Kara pouts, parking the car and turning off the engine. "People are used to it by now."

"Are they used to us, though?" Lena jokes, Kara just rolls her eyes off, fixing Lena's beanie. 

They walk mostly in silence, holding each other in ways they aren't allowed to in public, but the beach's empty, and it's dark. Lena feels safe enough to kiss Kara a few times, free of her fears and worries, lets herself be held as they watch the waves, smell the salt in the air. Kara feels so warm against the cold and Lena burrows herself into her. Kara wraps her arms around her from behind, and they stand, Lena half hidden from the world, Kara's body a shield. 

"Today's been magical," Lena murmurs softly, not wanting to break the spell. "I had so much fun with you."

"Yeah?" She could hear the smile in Kara's voice, feels it against her neck as Kara kisses her, cold nose buried in her warmth, she laughs as she tries to pull away, but Kara holds her tightly. "Me too, we should do this often."

"Yeah, we should," Lena says, a trace of her laughter evident in her voice, she turns around in Kara's arms, wraps her own around the taller woman's neck. "How about when we go to Metropolis?"

"I think it'd be lovely," Kara says, kissing the tip of her nose. "I was going to take you someplace else, but we have all the time in the world to go there."

"Thank you," Lena says, trying her best to convey all the gratitude she feels for Kara. "For everything, not just today."

"Anytime," Kara says softly, before leaning down for a kiss, Lena can't kiss her back because she's smiling, Kara kisses her anyway, and they end up in the sand, laughing and tangled up in each other, Kara looks at her in a funny way, making her feel a rollercoaster of emotions she can't yet fathom.

"Think I like you best like this," Kara murmurs, fixing the beanie on Lena's head, making sure it covers her ears from the stinging cold.

"What? A huge mess on the ground?" Lena asks, amused.

"No, just happy," Kara answers honestly. "Carefree, it looks good on you."

Lena doesn't know what to say to that, so instead she gets up, offers her hand to Kara, pulling her to her feet. She stands on her tiptoes, kissing Kara's cheek. Kara holds her there, and Lena feels calm, being held by Kara is starting to feel like being home, really, Lena should be worried of how fast she's becoming addicted to the feeling, to having Kara around, but she can't bring herself to stop, doesn't even want to consider it.

"Ready to go home?" Kara asks, not pulling away. Lena nods, not pulling away either, it just feels nice, being warm in the cold. "We should go, it's getting pretty late."

"We should," Lena agrees, and reluctantly pulls away, immediately missing Kara's warmth. She doesn't stray too far though, Kara keeps her arm wrapped around her shoulders, and Lena sticks close to her in the short walk to the car. 

"Ready to go to Metropolis?" Lena asks once they settle in her bed. They're cuddling, and she's playing with Kara's hair, the blonde murmurs sleepily, and Lena thinks the conversation can wait till morning, both of them falling asleep easily.

Chapter Text

Lena hates the darkness. Despises being surrounded by it, really. Being left with her thoughts, it wasn’t something she was very fond of. 

Lena finds herself sitting down in a dark room, her head hanging low on her shoulders, hands helplessly thrown into her lap. Her thoughts are spiralling, out of control, her whole life is out of her control. 

No one had called her, she found out from the media, footage of her father falling to the ground, vomit and all, in an airport, she’d been calling her family but no one was answering, and she couldn’t stand the pitying looks from her team, so she locked herself in a dark room, alone with her thoughts. 

Her father would’ve never gone outside if he was that drunk, and he really can handle himself, she’s never seen anyone like him. Her whole life she’s never seen him drunk, and surely he knows better than to do that, it’ll be bad for the business. 

So, passing out from drunkenness was out of the question, and he looked really ill, she could recognise that now, he wasn’t just tired from long hours at work, or from barely sleeping, no, her father looked seriously ill, and Lena just can’t imagine her life without him, he’s been there ever since she was a kid, always calling to check up on her, sending her gifts whenever she got her school reports back, even if she didn’t always get an A, attending her concerts even if they didn’t have a chance to chat face to face, her father has always been here, and now, after realising how seriously ill he is, the chance of life without him seemed like a reality that could become hers at any moment. 

And since no one was picking up, Lena was left to her wild imaginations, would they even call her if he died? She knows she needs to head to Metropolis as soon as possible, but she can’t stand the looks she’ll get, the lack of privacy. How they’ll invade her, crowd her space to get a word from her, spin and twist everything to make it seem like she’s the reason he’s ill, Lena dreads those moments. 

Kara’s name pops up, the only source of light in the darkness, quite literally. 

“I’ve just heard,” Kara’s voice sounds alien on the phone, breathless, still immediately soothes Lena, making her feel safe. “How are you? I just finished practice, are you still at the studio? I’ll come pick you up and get you home, do you need anything?”

“Just you,” Lena whispers softly, and Kara promises she’ll be here before Lena knows it, and Lena believes her, she always does. 

She tries Lex again, and just before the call disconnects, he answers, his voice tired and tinny, and Lena wishes she could crawl through the phone and be there. 

“He has stage IV kidney cancer,” he says, and Lena can see him, leaning on a wall, hands in his pockets, his face crumbling around the words, just as she hears his tired voice, so tired. “He knew that from a while back, I think before Hope came along, but he didn’t say anything, didn’t even try to fight it.”

“What’ll happen now?” Lena forces the words to come out, her eyes shut tightly, she sees his face, printed on her eyelids. 

“I signed the papers, Lena,” Lex whispers, his voice more broken now. “I signed the papers to get him an operation, the chances of him surviving it 24%, but I didn’t anyway, that’s better than nothing, right? It has to be, or else I don’t know what to do.”

“I’ll be there as soon as possible, Lex,” Lena promises. “And you did the right thing, I would’ve done the same.”

“Thank you,” he sighs, and in her mind, Lena sees his shoulders slumping, a bit of a relief washing over him, he did the right thing. “Please do, I really do need you here, I don’t know what to say to mum.”

“You have to tell her,” Lena says, now her head on the wall behind her. “The worrying, it’ll kill her, it drove me mad not knowing anything, and I only just found out because I was in the studio.”

“I will,” he promises, the weight of their world on his shoulders, but they'll bear the burden, like they always did. “Just take care, and be here as soon as you can, bring Kara with you, if she can, it’ll be easier for you to have her around, I would’ve gone mad if it weren’t for Eve.”

“I will,” Lena says, unsure of how to ask Kara, if she'll even be able to come with her. “Just keep me posted, will you?”

“Promise,” he says, and then he hangs up, and Lena sits there, processing the words, the possibility of him dying, now greater than him surviving, and Lena wants to hit him, to yell at him for hiding this from them, for scaring them like this.

And more than anything in the world, Lena just wants to hug him, to let him hold her and tell her that everything will be alright, like he always did when she was a kid. Kara knocks on the door before walking in, and Lena knows it’s her before looking up because of the safety she feels.

“Come here,” Kara opens her arms, and Lena throws herself at her, burying her face in the blonde’s neck, and that’s when the tears come. “It’ll be okay, baby.”

“How do you know?” Lena asks, frustrated and scared and glad Kara’s here, so many emotions inside of her and somehow it feels like she can’t explain it properly, like her words are inadequate.

“I don’t,” Kara replies, honest. “But I know he’ll get the best treatment there is, and I know that he loves you enough to fight whatever it is, he loves you enough to come back to you.”

“But Kara, what if he doesn’t?” Lena asks, her voice barely above a whisper, Kara tries to pull away, but Lena holds her tightly, too scared. “Lex, he told me that he signed some papers for the operation, he signed some papers on the chance that he doesn't survive.”

“That doesn’t mean he’s going to die,” Kara says, her hand rubbing Lena’s back to soothe her. “Difficult operations are tricky, and you know that. You’re smarter than me, you have to believe that he’s going to survive.”

“Okay,” Lena sighs, pulling away slowly, Kara holds her face in her hands, kissing her temples softly. “I need to be there, I’ll just go home and get stuff that I absolutely need.”

“Want me to come with you?” Kara tentatively asks. “I’ll ask coach to give me a break, I can do that.”

“I don’t want you to waste your vacation days on this,” Lena says, even though she really wants her to come with her, she gets the feeling she’s going to really need her.

“It’s not a waste,” Kara says, solemn. “Not when it comes to you, but if you feel it’s too much I’ll stay, just tell me whatever you need when we go home, okay?”

“Okay,” Lena promises, and they go out of the room, and Lena’s thankful Kara gave her hoodie to hide her face in, because the camera flashes blinded them as soon as they stepped out, the guards pushing the masses of rude paparazzi and worried fans away, Kara holds the door open for her, tries to block her from view as best as she can, and when the doors close and Lena’s settled in the car, she feels like she’s suffocating, the sudden lack of voices overwhelms her, but as soon as the car’s on, Kara’s playlist plays, the speakers set to their highest volume.

“Sorry,” Kara lowers it, a faint blush colouring her cheeks as she puts on her seatbelt and drives away. “I needed a distraction. I was too worried to drive in silence.”

“It’s okay,” Lena smiles at her, though it feels hollow. She leans her head back on the headrest, and closes her eyes the rest of the drive, London’s a big city, and it takes them a while to get to her place, but with Kara next to her, Lena’s thoughts seem to be a bit controlled.

She opens her eyes when the car finally stops, and Kara turns it off before they silently climb out, quickly making their way to her front door, ignoring the yelling and the incessant camera flashes. Kara squares her shoulders and walks towards one of the paparazzi closest to the door, Lena recognises the bald, short man, he’s always there wherever she goes, throwing rude comments and questions, trying to provoke her, to get some sort of a reaction from her, but she’s learned how to ignore all of this, to block it out if she wanted to stay sane. Kara didn’t.

“What did you say?” Kara asks calmly, though each word came slower than the one before it, and Lena knows how angry the blonde is.

“Kara, let it go,” Lena says. “Come on, let’s go home.”

“No, Lena,” Kara says, turning to smile apologetically at her, then looking back at the man, basically staring him down. “What did you say?”

“Nothing,” the man says, though he’s smirking, because he got what he wanted. “Have a lovely night, Ms. Danvers.”

“I swear to fucking God, if you don’t leave us alone chasing meaningless stories will be the last thing you ever do,” Kara threatens him, and he just keeps smirking, like he got some dirt on her, and Lena sees it all before it happens, tries to stop it, but Kara already punched him, making him fall down and break his camera, the flashes catching every moment ever since they stopped just outside their door. “Leave us alone,” Kara yells at them, and Lena holds her hand and leads her away and into the house, shutting the door firmly behind them. Kara just sighs and walks to the bathroom.

“What was that?” Lena asks, annoyed as she follows her, first aid kit in her hand. “You should’ve just walked away.”

“I know, I’m sorry,” Kara says, her knuckles turning white from how hard she’s holding the sink. “I just couldn’t ignore him, didn’t you hear him?”

“I did,” Lena said, holding Kara’s hand and leading her to sit on the closed toilet, checking her bruised knuckles. “He’s been taunting me ever since I was nineteen, darling. I have learned to ignore them, you have to, because they’ll never stop. They’re like a bottomless pit, no matter how much stuff you throw it’ll never be filled, so you just learn to ignore them, to pretend they don’t exist and maybe eventually they'll stop.”

“I’m sorry, okay?” Kara said, and Lena sighed, sitting crossed-legged on the bathroom floor, Kara’s knuckles already taken care of.

“I’m not mad at you, darling,” Lena said softly. “It’s just that they already have whatever it is they need to start spinning stories, I mean I found out about my father from the media, and I guess I just didn’t want us to give them anything that could bring attention to our relationship.”

“It was stupid,” Kara said, her shoulders slumped. “I wasn’t thinking at all.”

“It’s okay,” Lena smiled, her hand on Kara’s knee. “I’ll go get my stuff ready to leave, if you need anything I’ll be in my room.”

“Okay, I’ll call coach now, see if I can come along,” Kara said, giving her a quick kiss before they both went their separate ways in the house.

Lena packed stuff she thought she absolutely needed, the rest she can buy later, and soon enough she found herself sitting in her living room, phone in hand, to make sure everything’s in order for her to go to her family.

“So, I just got off the phone with coach,” Kara said, sitting down next to her, water bottle in hand. “I can take one week off and be with you, but I have to get back before the winter kick-offs.”

“That’s great,” Lena sighed with relief. “I’m really glad you can be there with me, I get the feeling it’s going to be a tough trip.”

“It’ll be okay,” Kara said softly. “Right now, let’s just focus on getting there, okay? We’ll take it one step at a time, and no matter what happens I’ll always be by your side.”

“I love you,” Lena uttered, reaching for Kara’s hand, she brought it to her lips and sealed her confession with a kiss.

“I love you too,” Kara smiled at her, and for a while it seemed like everything’s going to be okay.

How could anything go wrong, Lena thought, if she got Kara by her side? The woman is a constant ray of sunshine. But throughout the flight, Lena was nervous, before she boarded she called but their no news, her father was still in the operation room, no doctor would go out and speak to them, and then Lena was on a plane, her heart beating faster than the spinning, Kara held her hands but said nothing, and Lena was grateful because she doesn’t think she could’ve handled how calm Kara is.

She calls again after she landed, but there’s still no answer so she and Kara make their way to the hospital, disguised under layers of clothes still some people recognised her, and that’s when Lena finally broke down, she doesn’t remember how it all went, really, just that one moment she was holding Kara’s hand, and the next they were separated by a crowd, surrounding her with mics thrown into her face and flashes that blind her.

“This is a very hard time for me,” she hears her voice, but can’t figure out if she’s the one who’s speaking. “Please just leave me alone, I’m tired.”

The questions never stopped, more mics thrown into her face, she can distinctly hear Kara calling her, but she doesn’t see her, so Lena just stops, takes off her scarf and hat and gives the cameras what they want, a mental breakdown. 

“I have begged you for years and years to leave me alone,” she says, as the security finally starts pushing them away from her. “Why can’t you just leave me alone? Do you have no respect? My father is sick and you’re here asking me who I’m dating and commenting on my body and what I wear?”

“Miss Luthor,” one guy calls her, she doesn’t turn, just hangs her head low and tries to move, but he pulls her by her arm, and then it’s complete chaos.

Lena is pushed outside to her car while one of the airport security tackles the guy, Kara is still nowhere to be seen, and Lena waits scared in the tinted town car, contemplating whether to go back out there and look for Kara, but luckily the blonde walks out, a broken camera in her hand, and Lena just laughs.

“What?” Kara asks after closing the door behind her, the driver pulling away and into traffic. “Why are you laughing like this?”

“Because you’re making it a habit,” Lena says, catching her breath. “Breaking their cameras, you’ll have two lawsuits against you in no time.”

“Well, they should’ve thought about that before asking stupid questions at a time like this,” Kara said, annoyed. “How did they find us, anyway?”

“I’m not sure,” Lena shrugged, looking for her phone to call Lex. “I can’t find my phone, can I use yours?”

“Sure,” Kara says, handing her the phone. “Where did you put it last?”

“I don’t know, it was in my hand right before we walked into that mess,” Lena said. “Do you think it got stolen?”

“Maybe it fell from your hand when they crowded you,” Kara said, her hand around Lena’s shoulders, pulling her closer into her side. “Try to get some rest before we get to the hospital, okay?”

“Okay,” Lena said, kissing Kara’s jaw. “I love you so much.”

“I love you more, babe,” Kara murmured, pulling Lena just a little bit closer into her. 

*****

Lena was tired of pacing the room, it’s been more than 10 hours since her father’s procedure began, no one was willing to talk to them or to tell them anything, and Lena was losing her mind in the early hours of the morning.

“Eat this,” Kara said, handing her a sandwich. “You haven’t eaten anything since we got here.”

“I’m not hungry,” Lena said, pinching the bridge of her nose, trying to stop her impending headache. “I just- what’s taking them so long? What if something bad happened?”

“You have to eat,” Kara said, making her sit down and giving her the sandwich and a hot paper cup filled with coffee, just the way Lena likes. “You’re not helping him if you’re not taking care of yourself, okay? And I’m sure that soon they’ll tell us what happened.”

“Okay,” Lena sighed, picking at her sandwich and looking at the doors.

Kara went to Lillian and Lex, handing both of them cups of coffee, before sitting down next to Lena again. It felt like decades had passed before a surgeon came out of the double doors to speak to them. Lena didn’t move, too scared and too nervous to do so, but Kara came to her with a grim smile on her face, a hand on Lena’s knee.

“He’s okay, but there were some complications and that’s why it took so long,” Kara said softly, looking straight into Lena’s eyes. “But he’s okay now.”

“Oh, thank god,” Lena let out, throwing herself at Kara to hold her, and Kara did, ever so gently. “I’ll go talk to mum, thank you for being here.”

“Yeah, of course,” Kara smiled at her. 

“When can we see him?” Lena asked as she let go of her mum’s embrace. 

“Soon,” Lillian said softly, her hand cupping Lena’s face. “It’s all okay now.”

“Yeah,” Lena said around the lump in her throat, hugging her mother again. No matter how much she’s been preparing, she can’t imagine what she’ll see once she steps into the room, no matter how much she anticipates it, or tries to picture it, she knows it’ll be horrible.

“You go on,” Lena says, clearing her throat. “I’ll be there in a second.”

“Okay, love,” her mum smiled sadly at her, before she and Lex went to get dressed properly, following the nurse as he led them inside.

Kara’s warm presence soothed her nerves, and she leaned into her touch, even if it was for just a moment. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Lena replied, softly, clearing her throat for what feels like the nth time in just a few minutes, she can’t cry now, not here. “Yeah, I’m okay, why don’t you go back and rest?”

“I’m okay waiting for you here,” Kara said, sure and soft and assuring, and Lena doesn’t honestly know what to say to that. “But if you don’t, i’ll go to the hotel and order dinner, what would you like?”

Lena chuckled, the sound tired and dry to her own ears. “I can’t possibly think about dinner.”

“Okay then, I’ll take care of that,” Kara smiled at her, squeezing her hand three times, and almost threw caution to the wind and kissed her right there and then, but she has some self control, and she stays rooted to the spot. “I’ll see you soon,” then Kara whispers. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Lena whispers just as softly, and there’s so many words she wants to say to Kara but she chokes on them, and she tries her best. “Kara, I-”

“I know,” Kara interrupts her with a soft smile, a knowing look in her eyes, and Lena nods, sighing as she watches Kara go. Then she turns, finds the nurse waiting patiently for her, a polite smile on his face as he leads her to cover her hair and puts on her mask, Lena does so in silence, following him as he leads her further inside the ICU.

She sees Lex and her Mum first, standing before the glass, she takes a deep breath and takes the last few steps, standing right next to her Mum, the gasp that left her was beyond her control. Her father was lying in the bed inside the room, endless wires connecting his body to machines that showed lines and strange readings Lena couldn’t comprehend. Her father was there, and Lena can’t do anything to help him, can’t do anything to take his pain away, and she feels so utterly helpless she wants to lie down on the floor and stare at the ceiling.

“Why isn’t he awake?” Lena’s voice sounds so broken to her own ears as she asks, she feels like exactly what she did when she visited her grandpa for the last time before they buried him, he was so cold as she kissed his forehead for the last time before they took him away. “Mum, why isn’t he waking up?”

“I don’t know, sweetheart,” her mum answers, her voice strangled.

“It’s just the anaesthesia,” Lex answers softly. “He’ll wake up soon, and we’ll visit him first thing in the morning, surely he’ll be awake by then.”

“Are you sure?” Lena asks him, willing to believe him but too scared to do so, terrified of the other shoe dropping. “Lex, are you sure?”

“I don’t know, Lena,” he sighs. “I don’t know anything at all, but he has to wake up, okay? He just has to.”

“I’m sorry,” the nurse said. “But you can’t stay here longer, it’s for the immunity of the patients.”

“Okay,” Lex says, and they walk away in silence, Lena asks to be dropped at the hotel, just wanting to take a warm bath and be held by Kara, but every time she closes her eyes she sees her father lying helpless in that bed.

Kara opens the door as soon as she knocks, and Lena just throws herself into her arm, knowing that Kara will always catch her, no matter how far or how hard she falls. Kara’s arms around her makes her feel safe and so loved, and that’s when Lena finally cries, she lets go and bawls her eyes out, and Kara just holds her closer.

“It’s okay now,” Kara whispers, repeating those words like a prayer against Lena’s temple, and Lena believes her with the desperate faith of a poor man. 

“Kara, he looks so broken,” Lena says, choking on her words. “I feel so helpless, so broken. I can’t do anything to help him.”

“You just have to be there for him,” Kara says softly, cupping Lena’s face gently. “It’ll be enough.”

Lena buries her face in Kara’s neck, holding on for just a moment longer. “Thank you for being here,” Lena whispers into her neck, kissing the skin softly. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“You’re my best friend, Lena,” Kara says, holding her tightly. “I love you, I’d do anything for you, baby.”

“You’re my best friend, too,” Lena murmurs, and they pull away, Kara's hands still around her waist. “And I love you, I really, really do.”

Kara kisses her forehead, her lips lingering there for a moment, then she pulls away and smiles, and Lena feels like the sun has finally shined, the clouds finally parting. “Come on, I tried to replicate your bath as best as I could,” Kara leads her to the bathroom, where the bathtub is filled with bubbles and the water is warm enough for Lena to enjoy. “I’ll get you a glass of scotch and order food.”

Lena brings Kara’s hand to her mouth, and kisses it gently. “Thank you darling, this is just what I needed.”

“Anything for you,” Kara says with a smile and gets out, Lena gets undressed and slowly lower herself into the warm water, immediately relaxing. Kara hands her a glass half filled of the amber liquid, and Lena takes a sip, closing her eyes and sighing softly. “Care to join me?”

“In a second,” Kara says, looking at something in her phone with a worried look on her face, and Lena feels like she knows what it’s it about, but she doesn’t dare to ask, she just takes tentative sips from her dark and watches the blonde, letting the dread settle deep into her stomach, tying it into knots.

Lena breaks first, a sigh escapes her mouth as she sets her glass on the edge of the tub, pinching her nose, she asks. “What is it, darling?”

“Your phone..” Kara says, sitting on the edge of the tub she shows Lena her screen. “They leaked everything.”

“What?” Lena asks dumbly, grasping Kara’s phone in her trembling hands and takes a look. It’s true, pictures of her and Kara are all over the tabloids, celebrities news accounts posted multiple pics of them, some of poor quality, some of really high quality that there was no way to deny it, Lena clears her throat as she scrolls down, some of them have Harper's face on them, and Lena knows that they know about that too, so she closes her eyes and hands Kara her phone back, she does the first thing that comes to her mind.

She drowns herself, her eyes burning from the soap, her ears hurt from the water, but she stays there, until her lungs burn from the lack of oxygen and Kara pulls her out, she gasps for her breath.

“I guess there’s no point in asking if you’re okay,” Kara murmured, and Lena let her head rest on Kara’s thigh, her eyes closed as she tries to think of something, to think of a way out. “At least, the world is turning on Harper, this is good, right?”

“I don’t know,” Lena’s voice is raspy, she keeps her eyes closed, scared to look at the new reality she’s in now. “I’m scared, Kara, I’m really scared.”

Chapter Text

The first weeks after their ‘break-up’ has been very hard on Kara because she missed Lena fucking Luthor. Because it felt like they were doomed from the beginning, from the moment Kara had promised she’d help her, she’d stay by her side. The first few weeks have been the very best weeks of Kara’s career as well, because nothing cures a broken, shattered heart than sore muscles, sore enough to forget the pain, to make it seem like a dull thud that can be ignored, that does not demand all of Kara’s attention, leaving her to self-pity drunkenness and calling insistently to a number that would not pick up, that would never pick up.

That didn’t stop her from trying, though. She called and texted, tried to gain Lena’s attention by liking years old posts, reposting them even. She tweeted some of the songs they’d written together, ones that weren’t on the album, knowing that at least would annoy Lena enough to text her, to yell at her, to blame her. To do anything but remain silent, out of reach. And Lena was out of reach, the moment Kara had to go back to London for the play-offs, Lena had disappeared, as if swallowed by the earth. And if it weren’t for her fans, trending her name every few weeks, Kara would think she’d gone mad. That Lena was something she created, something she wished for with all of her might, the past few months only a dream. 

Then, those weeks turned into months, and still not a single word from Lena. she’d called her family of course, and they’d explained that Lena’s the one staying with Lionel while he got the treatment he needed after the operation, and Kara understood, she really did. But her heart, her stubborn, unyielding heart still longed to hear her voice, to see her face, to get anything, even if just a scrap of her attention. Lex, whenever he was in London, insisted they go out together, for a drink, or a brunch, or whatever. He quickly became her friend, and Kara was very fond of him, the way he talked reminded her very much of Lena, and it’d been hard at first, she was too hurt to act normal around him, but it became easier, the all-consuming pain of missing Lena Luthor eventually became bearable enough that she no longer felt hollow and empty.

And it did take too long for her to realise, it took her being hospitalised because of how terrified she was of coming home to an empty space, because the bedsheets no longer smelled like Lena. she was at the gym, after a training session with the team, the stadium empty and haunting, the running treadmill her only companion, the stomp of her feet on it rivalled by the wild thump-thump-thumping of her heart roaring in her ears the only source of noise, and the faint, almost whispering sound of Lena Luthor’s voice, coming from her phone filling the space around her as if she was right there making Kara’s eyes blur with unshed tears, a moment too long to dry them had her losing her footing, and falling face first on the still-moving treadmill, then to the ground, hitting her shoulder on the wall. 

Tears burned the right side of her face, the side that got the burn of her fall. She closed her eyes for a moment to take a deep breath and get her bearings, to log where she felt the pain, then she woke up to the sound of the night-time janitor, calling to her with a slightly panicked voice. He’d called an ambulance, and Kara willingly went, too tired to protest or drive back to the apartment. She’d dislocated her shoulder upon hitting the wall, the same shoulder she’d injured before. She’d hoped, stupidly, madly, dangerously hoped that this might make Lena appear out of thin air. It didn’t, and the disappointment crushed her, with an injured shoulder she wasn’t allowed near the gyms or even to participate in the team’s gruelling practices. She was left to her thoughts, her dangerous, treacherous thoughts. She got back to smoking in no time, her self-destructive habits back stronger than before, unable to handle the heartbreak and the pitying looks her friends gave her. She needed an out, but there was no way out, only forward, and Kara didn’t want to go forward, fearing that Lena might never come back to her, that she might not exist in her future. And what a bleak future it’d be, lacking of, quite literally, her sun.

The months of her injury, allowed to sit on the sidelines and watch frustrated that she wasn’t a part of the team, how they’d won and lost, arguing and bickering with the coach, and then she’d been slowly allowed to practise, to participate, and it felt like her first sip of water in months, the only cure to forgetting Lena Luthor. Kara gave the team herself, all of her attention, before she sleeps she imagines new plays, she spends her days before a match watching tape after tape of the opposite team, studying them and their weaknesses, how they play, who’s their golden player. That year Kara had won the Golden Ball, with Eliza as her date to the ceremony.

“I’ve got my mother here with me, I’m so happy I got to win,” Kara said into the mic, her voice echoing through the walls. “I promised her I’d win something today,” she grins, gives a thumbs up to her mother, who shakes her head with a smile, the cameras momentarily on her. “I just want to say that I’m very grateful I won, this year has been incredibly hard on me, and after sitting on the sidelines for a while I really thought I’d never be here, but thank you so much for giving me this opportunity, thanks to my team for being incredible, to my friends for always being there for me, even at my lowest, and thank you to a special person, because without their unyielding effort I truly wouldn’t have pushed past my limits, thank you all and I hope you have a good night. I love you.”

She ran the steps to her mother, excitement written on her face, her mother’s proud one grinning right back at her, Eliza had hugged her and kissed her temple, Alex filming the whole thing to post on her socials later. Alex opens her arms, engulfing her in a crushing hug, Kara holding on just as tight, she kisses her temple, though it’s all teeth because she can’t keep the grin off her face.

“You really deserve it, kiddo,” she says as she pulls back. “I’m proud of you, we all are.”

“Thanks, Alex,” Kara says, looking down at her feet with a smile, she sees their faces magnified in a screen nearby in the corner of her eye, so she looks up and smiles at her sister, as they settle down for the rest of the ceremony. The reporters outside interviewed the winners, and Kara stopped for a few moments to answer some questions and greet the fans.

“Miss Danvers, how does it feel to be a winner?” one reporter asked, his mic shoved into her face.

“Feels great,” Kara says, grinning as she leans back a bit as if not to hurt herself. “I’m always winning, though, aren’t I? But winning this award is special.”

“Who was the person you talked about during your speech?” another reporter asks, her mic at Kara’s mouth.

“What person?” Kara asks, screwing her face as if she was thinking too hard to remember her speech. 

“Is it Lena Luthor?” one of the reporters says, as they all shove their mics simultaneously. Some of the even guards come closer, ready to help Kara out of the situation. “She’d been gone for quite some time now, the two of you no longer seen together.”

“The person knows who I’m talking about,” Kara says, suddenly annoyed at the reminder of Lena being out of her life, as if she wasn’t doing good the last few months. “I’m sorry guys, but it’s getting late and I want to go say Hi to the fans, thank you all for being here and for your kind questions,” she quickly turned around, making her way to the opposite direction, where some of the fans stood. She grinned at them, signing t-shirts and posters, posing with her award for pictures with them, leaving after that had left her feeling so much better.

They went to a bar, the entire team, with Brainy of course, who’d congratulated her in the most awkward, most Brainy-way that she just shook her head fondly and hugged him, thanking him as he scratched his neck awkwardly before making his way back to the dancefloor, where Nia was dancing, too drunk and happy and in love to notice anything outside of her bubble. Kara shook her head whenever one of her friends asked her to dance, choosing to instead sit at the bar and drink, feeling content at last. Missing Lena isn’t her sole purpose now, playing football defined who she was, and winning tonight reminded her of that, being here with her friends, her teammates, reminded her of that. 

“You good?” came Winn’s voice from next to her, his cheeks were flushed indicating that he was a bit drunk. “Congratulations, by the way, I’m happy for you. Though I’m too drunk now to articulate that properly for you.”

“Thank you,” Kara laughed, drowning the rest of her drink and ordering another. “Yeah, I’m happy.”

“Are you?”

“Yeah,” Kara swallowed roughly, her hand tearing the label of her empty bottle of beer. “Yeah, I think I am. Or getting there, I can’t be like that forever.”

“Good,” he says, then sighs. “Lena- she’s a good person that too many bad things happened to, I know that she misses you terribly. But, life goes on and I hate to see you stuck at the same place. You’re- you’re too good to be stuck, you know? You have so much to offer, and so does she.”

“Thank you, Winn,” Kara says, sighing as she straightens up. “When you check up on her, will you tell her I said Hi?”

“Sure,” he nods, slowly. Kara leaves the bar after that, going back to the empty apartment, her bags packed and ready, she’ll leave London behind with all of its’ happy moments and all of its’ misery, going to a place where it didn’t remind her of Lena Luthor, a place where they hadn’t walked the streets late at night, hand in hand, her laughter ringing in her ears, beautiful and so enticing. 

She opens the door and steps in, throwing her keys into the bowl. She'd been paying Lillian, even though she insisted Kara shouldn’t. But she did because she couldn’t bring herself to look for another place. Too depressed to consider it even. But that’s too long ago, and she’d been doing good for a while now. She groans as she takes off her oxfords, leaving them behind as she makes her way further inside, the place dimly lit. She takes off her jacket and throws it at one of the couches, unbuttoning her shirt as she makes her way to the kitchen to have a glass of water before bed, she has an early flight to catch.

She doesn’t see the frozen figure in the living room staring at her until it’s too late. “Hey, Lena,” she says it casually, her brain too drunk to catch up to the fact that Lena Luthor is right fucking there . “Wait. What? What are you doing here?” she asks after a moment, wide-eyed and almost sick.

“I came to see you,” Lena whispers, her voice sounds almost strange to Kara’s ears, now used to only hearing her sing. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, Kara.”

“What happened?” Kara says, still rooted to her spot in the kitchen, still too drunk and tired to figure out what the fuck is going on. “Lena?”

“I was scared, I was so scared after everything got leaked, and then- then he was put away, and our entire relationship was out in the open and I- I was a coward,” she ends her spiral in a whisper, taking a deep breath to look into Kara’s unfocused eyes. “I was a coward. And then you had to leave and I was alone with only the shell of my father who was so strong but now so weak and fragile and I didn’t want that to happen to me, I didn’t want you to watch it happen to me, and I know it’s not an excuse and if I tell you I’m sorry a million times it’d never be enough, but I truly am sorry, Kara.

“What are you doing here, Lena?” Kara asks after a moment, looking at Lena. She sees her fidgeting with her hands, pulling her fingers and looking down, it breaks her heart to see her like this. The urge to hold her, to keep her safe is so strong Kara barely registers her own legs moving, taking her to the other girl. She stands right before her, hands itching to touch her face, to hold her and keep her close, buried inside her chest. “Lena?”

“I’m coming clean, Kara,” Lena says, she takes a deep breath and looks up into Kara’s eyes. “I’m coming out, I have an interview scheduled with Cat Grant and I wanted you to know first.”

“Why?”

“Why am I coming out?” 

“No, I’m proud of you for doing it,” Kara says, shaking her head. She offers Lena a genuine smile. “Why are you telling me this? Why now?”

“I’m telling you this because I care what you think,” Lena said, looking away with a sigh. One of her hands cradles the back of her neck, Kara’s hands itch to touch. “Because I’m done hiding, I’m so tired of the lies and everything that comes with them. If that’s okay with you, I’d like to tell the world about us- about what we had. And it’s okay if you don’t want me to d o it, I understand. The media won’t be nice about and the fans and everybody and it’s okay-”

“I’m drunk and tired, Lena,” Kara interrupts her, sighing as she shakes her head. “And I’ve done enough, I’ve missed you enough and right now I just want to hug you and call it a night, I’m leaving London tomorrow-”

Lena interrupts her by throwing herself into her arms, Kara’s hands are shaking when she lifts them up to wrap around the other girl.

“I’m so sorry,” Lena whispers into her neck, Kara feels her tears. She holds her tighter as she breathes her in, her scent so sweet and comforting it’s like coming home after being away for so long, it’s like breathing fresh air under the warmth of the sun, Kara holds her tight, tight, tight . Afraid if she loosens her arms Lena would slip away and disappear just like in her nightmares. 

“I don’t know what’s going to happen later,” Kara whispers. “And I hope you understand if I can’t forgive you just yet. But god, I’ve missed you.”

“I understand,” Lena says, burying her face deeper into Kara’s neck. “I just- I want you to know I had my reasons. You mean the world to me, Kara, but I wasn’t in a good place for a while and when things got better for me the time has passed and it’s been a while and I didn’t know if you cared,” she shook her head then, pulling back a little to look at Kara. “I didn’t know if you wanted me back.”

“Don’t get me wrong, I’ll always want you,” Kara said, bringing one of her trembling hands to cradle Lena’s face, Lena’s soft, sweet, lovely face. “But why did you come back now? How did you know it was time?”

“Er.. it was Alex,” Lena breathed out, looking down. “She called a few weeks ago and talked to me, it was easier to know because life has lost its’ meaning without you even though it’s my fault that you were gone, but after we had talked, I knew that I can’t go on like this, I can’t go on with missing you like this. It won’t be a life worth living.”

“Oh,” Kara said. “Let’s go to bed? I’m tired,” she offered weakly, a hesitant smile on her face, when Lena nodded, taking her hand and leading the way upstairs, Kara was relieved. 

It was nice not to think, just to follow Lena wherever she took her, and Kara’s sure she’d follow her anywhere if she took her hand, no questions asked. What wasn’t nice was the fact that Kara slept in Lena’s room in her absence, and that wasn’t embarrassing enough at that moment the speakers started playing her playlist, her Lena Luthor’s Saddest Songs playlist. She groaned, quickly turning the speakers off, turning around to find Lena smirking at her.

“Not a single word,” Kara said, and it looked like Lena was going to talk but Kara quickly took off her shirt and under shirt, standing only in her bra. That efficiently wiped the smirk off the brunette’s lovely face. Lena was blushing now and looking everywhere but at Kara. Kara quickly made her way to the bathroom, smiling sweetly at Lena, who’s still standing in the middle of her room, face flushed. “Looks like I'm using the bathroom first.”

The only sound she heard before closing the door was Lena’s frustrated groan. She quickly washed her face and brushed her teeth, looking at herself in the mirror she was suddenly sober, and Lena was right there , just down the hall. “Oh, God,” she groaned, burying her face in her hand and trying to breathe. But it was hard, knowing that Lena was there, that she might go away, she might disappear again. Kara gets it, she really does. Lena’s life wasn’t easy, wasn't always beautiful.

Most of all, she knows Lena. She knows that she did what she thought was best, she knows that Lena did this only because it’s the only right thing to do at the time. Yet it doesn’t make any of it hurt less, it doesn’t erase two years of missing her, two years of silence. She’s already forgiven her, even before she opened the door and was met by Lena, standing barefoot, toothbrush and a silly amount of creams in her hands, Kara felt the urge to kiss her, to hold her. She did neither, instead she smiled at her and made her way to her room. 

“Congratulations by the way,” Lena said, she looked so beautiful in a t-shirt twice too big, leaning on the doorframe as she smiled at her. “On your award tonight.”

“Oh, thanks,” Kara said, looking down at her hands in her lap and shrugging. “It isn’t a big deal.”

“Yes it is,” Lena insisted, making Kara look up at her to be met with her frown. “I saw your games, Kara, you were wonderful despite being injured last season.”

“Look at you, I didn’t know you cared about football,” Kara teased, only because she doesn’t know what to do with Lena’s praise. “ And you keep up with who’s injured and who’s not. Proud of you, really.”

“Shut up, Kara,” Lena said, rolling her eyes, her smile so soft and real , Kara feels so loved just by looking at it directed at her. “I only keep up with a certain blonde, she’s my favourite.”

“Is she?” Kara asks, biting her lower lip. “And what’s her name?”

“Leslie Willis,” Lena deadpans, and Kara shakes with laughter. “You know, I hear she might be bringing the Championships to her team.”

“Okay, I don’t like this,” Kara says, definitely pouting a little. “Go back to not knowing what football is.”

“You’re my favourite,” Lena says after a moment. “Good night, Kara, sleep well.”

“You’re not sleeping with me?” Kara says, then she flushes hard, her hand covers her mouth as she groans. “I meant you’re not sleeping with me, like- like sharing a bed, sleeping together- actually sleeping you know? Closing our eyes and drifting off and just like in the same bed.”

“Kara, you’re rambling,” Lena cuts her off with a smile. “Would you like me to sleep on the same bed with you?”

“I don’t know,” Kara said into her hands. “Are you going to leave?”

“I don’t think so,” Lena said, shaking her head. “I’ll stay for as long as you’ll have me. I know loving me is difficult and I didn’t make it any easier, but you’re the only person who’s ever truly loved me, and thank you for that. For helping me.”

“Loving you was the easiest thing I ever did,” Kara confesses, the truth slips out so easily from her now that Lena is actually here. “I still do. Love you, I mean. I never stopped no matter how much I wanted to. And at times, I really wanted to. But I think it’s easier to love you than it is to hate you, no matter how much it hurts.”

“But you did hate me, didn’t you?” Lena said, taking a few steps in the room. “When you first met me, you hated me.”

“No,” Kara said, shaking her head then looking up at Lena. She patted the space next to her on the bed, and Lena quickly sat beside her. “I didn’t hate you. I hated that version of you, I hated the person who was everywhere and who seemed arrogant and annoying, and god was I wrong about you. I’ve never been more wrong about anything in my entire life. There’s so much more to you than what I hated, and you’d never understand the relief I felt when I knew it was all just an act.”

“Oh,” Lena breathed out, looking down at her hands. Kara reached out, one hand holding Lena’s. There’s nothing more to say, not until the morning comes, and right now Kara wants to sleep, wants to be held and surrounded by Lena Luthor, no matter how much she hated it a few months ago. 

“Will you sleep with me?” Kara asks, softer this time, hopeful.

“Yes,” Lena nods, pulling the blankets for Kara to climb under, Lena slips into the bed, the blankets covering them. The bed big enough for the both of them and the oceans between them, Kara doesn’t like it at all. She pulls Lena closer, one fist clenching the front of her t-shirt, Lena rolls easily, her hands wrapping around Kara like they did so many times before, like they will so many times after.

“Good night, Lena,” Kara whispers into the night, her eyes shut tight, surrounded by Lena. She feels bold enough to place a soft kiss to the corner of her mouth, then she settles, her face resting on Lena’s chest, Lena’s loud, fast, strong heart lulls her to the most peaceful sleep she’d ever had in a long time.

Chapter Text

Kara misses her flight, or this is how it goes. She wakes up early enough to realise she’s not alone, someone’s in her bed, and it’s Lena Luthor. She stays in bed, her head pounding as she stares at the other girl sleeping peacefully, she has a flight to catch but every bone in her body is telling her to stay. She reckons it’ll be okay to spend a few more minutes in bed admiring Lena, beautiful, peaceful, asleep Lena. Her mind and heart are at war, one telling her it’s best if she leaves now before she gets hurt again, before she gets her heart broken again, but her heart insists it’s okay, insists that if she gets hurt by Lena it’s pain she can suffer happily. Acutely reminding her of the nights she spent alone, barely sleeping, barely eating, of the days she never left the gym, exhausting her body until she crashed.

And then of the days where she wasn't allowed to play or to step foot in the stadium, not even to watch the practise sessions. Those days were the hardest, she walked around London with a missing heart, avoiding all the streets she’d walked with Lena before, avoiding all the spots they left a mark in, and yet every nook and cranny of the city reminded her of Lena. Doesn’t matter if she’s seeing it for the first time, something will remind her of Lena and suddenly this great city, big and loud and full of people is nothing but scraps of Lena Luthor and it suffocated her, each turn she took felt like a knife being twisted into her heart, each step she took drove the knife deeper until all that’s left was the hurt. A haunted look in her eyes and Kara no longer recognised herself, she no longer knew who she was outside of this heartbreak.

And to see Lena again, to spend the night in her proximity, surrounded by her smell and her arms and her hair, it’s too much after being deprived of it all for so long that Kara felt the need to get out, to escape so she could breathe freely for a moment, so that’s what she did, taking her pack of cigarettes and her hoodie throwing it over her head as she quietly left the room, Lena still peacefully asleep.

By the time she reached the balcony, a cigarette was in her mouth, she slid the door shut behind her and lit it, leaning over the railing as she smoked, watching as the city woke up in the early hours of dusk. Kara smoked till the sun had risen, a few gloomy clouds in the sky and a chill in the air that seeped into her bones, never a perfect weather for a walk around the city, she thought as she put on a hoodie and went down the stairs to get her shoes. Lena was still asleep, or so it seemed, Kara didn’t want to risk walking in the room.

She tied her shoes and grabbed her keys, planning to go on the longest walk of her life. But Lena’s voice stops her, soft with traces of sleep as she calls out her name, “ Kara ,” and Kara never thought her name was special, never particularly liked it, but god the way Lena says it, the way it rolls off her tongue, Kara loves her name.

“Yeah?”

“Can we talk?” Lena asks, now she descended the stairs, she pulls on the hem of her sweater nervously, and Kara’s reminded of the heartache, of the fact that they no longer know how to act around each other anymore. “Please?”

“Okay,” Kara nods, and hears herself agreeing. She swallows hard, not knowing what else to do but take off her shoes and walks to the living room, Lena follows after her. “You sleep okay?”

“Yeah,” Lena nodded, pulling at a loose strand in her sweater. Kara wants to hold her hands to stop them fidgeting. “I missed you- this morning, the bed was cold without you,” Lena says so simply that it almost made Kara believe it is that simple. But when it comes to Lena, nothing is ever simple, she learned that the hard way. “Remember when we went to Hyde Park?”

“Yeah,” Kara says, smiling softly at the memory. They were feeling particularly brave that day, and the sun was so warm and the grass so green that Kara begged Lena to go on a picnic with her, and Lena, feeling adventurous, had agreed to do it. It was one of their best dates ever. “That was a good day.”

“It was, yeah,” Lena murmured, she offered Kara a shy smile, her dimples showing. “Kara I’m really sorry, for all of it. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“You could’ve called me, Lena. You could’ve texted- fuck, Lena, you could’ve done anything but what you did,” Kara said, her voice filled with hurt. “You broke my heart, Lena, and the worst thing is you didn’t even say goodbye.”

“Kara-”

“I’m going for a walk,” Kara said, turning around to not let Lena see her cry. “It was good seeing you, and thank you for having me. I’ll be out of your hair soon.” Kara doesn’t give her a chance to respond, she opens the door and leaves, slamming it shut behind her.

Maybe it’s anger she feels, because it can’t still be heartbreak, not after all this time. No way the feelings she’s having right now are still about Lena. Kara shakes her head and starts walking, no destination in mind, she just needed to put distance between her and Lena and that damned apartment. Her phone rings, and it’s Lena, Kara chuckles, mirthless and angry. Because of course Lena would call now, why wouldn’t she? Why would she call all those nights ago, when Kara was so lonely and missing her it felt like her heart left her body and her spirit was gone, why would Lena call back then? She walked faster, beating the ground harder with every step she took, she had so much to say. She wanted to ask if any of it meant anything to Lena, if she meant anything to Lena. She wanted to ask Lena to stay, she wanted her to apologise, to kiss it better, she wanted her to promise she’ll never leave her again. Kara wanted so much but words weren’t always her strongest suit.

She angrily wiped at her tears, and suddenly it started raining, and Kara sat down on the sidewalk, not even trying to hide from the water as she watched everyone running inside, she just sat and watched, her tears quietly falling down her face. A tinted car pulled in front of her and the backseat door opened, revealing Lena sitting inside.

“Please come in,” Lena said. “You’ll get sick. I know you’re angry at me and you can yell at me all you want, but just get in the car, please.”

Kara doesn’t say anything, she just wipes her face and looks up at the sky, she sighs and climbs into the car since there’s no way that the rain would stop anytime soon.

“I’m still upset,” Kara said quietly, her voice hoarse.

“I know you are,” Lena murmurs. Kara could feel her eyes on her but she doesn’t look, instead she watches as the buildings and trees blur together. “You have every right to be, Kara. I don't deserve your forgiveness or love, but that doesn’t mean I won’t beg for both. I fucked up, I really fucked up. But I got scared because everything happened so fast, and then my dad got sick and I- there’s no excuse for what I did to you, but I hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive me.”

“Lena, you broke my heart,” Kara says, turning to look at her. “You broke my heart in ways no one ever did. What if I forgive you and give you another chance just for you to leave me again? I can’t do this. I- I deserve better, don’t I? I deserve someone who’s not afraid to love me.”

“You do, you deserve so much better than what I can offer you,” Lena whispered, her eyes wide and earnest, shining with unshed tears. “But please, if you can forgive me, if you can give me another chance I swear I will be brave. Kara, every time I think of the future I see you. No matter what version, you’re always there. If you give me another chance, one last chance, I’ll spend the rest of our lives making up for it.”

“You can’t leave me,” Kara said, her voice firm. “Not again. I’m serious, if you leave me again I’ll never forgive you.”

“Never,” Lena shook her head. “I wouldn’t even dream of it. Not again, never again.”

Kara sighed, her heart feels a bit lighter now, her chest isn’t as tight anymore, like she could breathe again. She looked at Lena, who offered her a smile, wide and beautiful and full of promises, and in this moment Kara knew she’d let Lena break her heart all over again willingly. She might be a masochist after all. She leaned forward, not even thinking about it, and Lena met her halfway, her hands reaching to cup Kara’s face, so warm and gentle. Kara kissed her, and everything was alright with the world again. The piece of her that was missing all those months she finally found, with just one kiss. It felt like everything Kara dreamed it would be and so much more. Kissing Lena was her favourite thing in the world.

She was trailing kisses down her neck, Lena fully on her lap now when the car pulled to a stop and the driver cleared his throat. “Thank you,” Lena says shyly, she climbs out of Kara’s lap and Kara watches, dazed with a dopey smile on her face. Lena opens the door and climbs out of the car, Kara following shortly after her. In seconds they’re drenched by the rain, and they’re laughing as they run to Lena’s front door, Lena’s hands are shaking as she struggles with the keys and Kara just watches her, waiting patiently. 

“Any time now, Lena,” Kara jokes and Lena rolls her eyes, she huffs in frustration and hands Kara the keys, who upon her first try unlocks the door. Lena just shakes her head and walks inside the warm house, Kara following after her.

“I’m going to take a bath,” Lena says as she arranges her shoes neatly by the door. “Want to join me?”

“Take me on a date first, jeez Luthor,” Kara says, shaking her head in faux disappointment. “And here I thought I was someone special.”

“Oh, shut up,” Lena’s face is beet red. “I only suggested you join me because I didn’t want you to get sick, since my showers take forever .”

“Fine, but you’re gonna have to take me to dinner after,” Kara says, her face serious for a second, her lips twitching to hide her smile. Lena rolls her eyes fondly at her. “I am a lady after all.”

“Kara, I swear if you don’t follow me right this second I will lock the bathroom door and won’t care if you get sick,” Lena threatens, making her way up the stairs. Kara practically runs after her, taking two steps at a time.

“I know it’s too soon,” Lena says once they’re settled, the water warm and the smell of lavender helping them relax, the candles making her glow in a way that made her look so beautiful Kara felt as though her heart is going to crawl out of her chest merely at the sight of her. “But I was thinking that maybe you could come to Italy with me?”

“Huh?” Kara said, finding it difficult not to stare at Lena’s chest, at the mole in the middle of her throat. She could feel herself blush because of the thoughts in her head, Lena’s smirk and arched eyebrow telling her that Lena knows exactly what she’s thinking about. “Sorry, didn’t catch that.”

“My eyes are up here, darling ,” Lena teases her, and Kara just groans, throwing her head back. “I was saying that maybe we could go on a vacation to Italy. It’s not exactly romantic because my family’s there but I want you to come with me, if you want.”

“I was thinking that maybe you could come with me to Midvale,” Kara says, scratching her cheek. “I think it’s time you meet Eliza, and I kind of already promised her I’d come visit- I was supposed to leave this morning but something came up.”

“Wonder what it is?” Lena asked, narrowing her eyes playfully, her voice low and rich. Kara pulled her, her hands on her hips making her moan when she felt her hard abs on her core.

“You,” Kara’s voice is barely above a whisper, pulling her down for a hard kiss. Lena moans into her mouth.

Safe to say that Kara is more than satisfied when she gets out of the bath, followed by Lena, both of their skin flushed and glowing and Kara reckons it has nothing to do with the bath itself.

“Do you think that we’ll be alright?” Kara asks when they’re sitting on the couch late in the afternoon. The sound of rain pit-patting against the windows made her feel calmer, Lena’s legs sprawled across her lip as she bit on her pen, trying to figure out the right words to write down. She was always writing something, it blew Kara’s mind to have the privilege to watch her as she wrote those songs, the same ones she’ll be listening to on the radio or any place that has a speaker inside, she’ll be watching as Lena got nominated for much-deserved awards for the same thing she’s watching her create right now. It felt like a dream, something magical and surreal, but all the same hers still.

“Hm?”

“Do you think we’ll be alright?”

“I hope so,” Lena said, shutting her notebook. “I’m willing to try my hardest to make this work. No more excuses, I’m an open-book now, Kara. I won’t let anything come between us again.”

“Do you promise?” Kara’s voice was small, but her hands were sure as she massaged Lena’s legs. Lena nodded, sitting up straighter and crawling to her. She sat on her lap, her hands cradling Kara’s face, brushing her short hair away from her face.

“I promise,” Lena murmured into her mouth, kissing her with a bruising kiss, to stop her mind from worrying. “Your hair- God, Kara, you look handsome .”

“I take it you like it, then?” Kara’s smile was lopsided and cocky, Lena nodded with a groan, her hands now buried in Kara’s hair, scratching her scalp and messing it up. Kara’s hands found their way to Lena’s ass, squeezing. “Glad you do, keep doing that and I’m never letting it grow.”

“Fuck, don’t ,” Lena breathed out, she was riding Kara’s thigh now, her breaths short and shallow, a whine escaping her each time Kara squeezed and pulled her harder against her thigh. “ Ka-ra .”

“Fuck, you’re so beautiful, baby,” Kara groaned, lifting her thigh and pulling Lena down firmly. “D’you wanna go upstairs and finish what we started?”

“Yeah,” Lena nodded, burying her face in Kara’s neck, licking and kissing and biting and Kara’s lightheaded, almost losing her balance as she carried her upstairs.

Chapter Text

Midvale had never felt like home, not really, not deep down. But it feels different somehow when Lena’s with her, feels like a place that’s entirely hers, a place where she can show Lena around, take her to her favourite diner, show her her old highschool, the mall she used to hang out in with her group of friends, the park where they used to play football. Midvale feels like a place she belongs to, a place that she wants Lena to love.

She catches glimpses of Lena as she drives them home. Lena has never looked more beautiful, Kara thinks, with the wind in her hair and her sunglasses hanging low on her nose. Kara holds her hand the entire ride home, one hand on the steering wheel.

“So, our house is actually a beach house,” Kara says when she stops at a red sign, turning to look at Lena. “Just thought you might wanna know.”

“I think I’ve packed a swimming suit in one of my bags,” Lena said, she bit her lower lip, her hands playing with Kara’s. “Do you think-” she shakes her head, taking a deep breath before looking up at Kara. “What’s Eliza like?”

“She’s gonna love you,” Kara says, focusing on the road as the light turns green. “You’ve got nothing to worry about, babe. You’re basically the sweetest girl I’ve brought home.”

“And exactly how many girls have you brought home, Miss Danvers?”

“Oh, I was quite the player back then,” Kara wiggled her eyebrows playfully, Lena hit her arm, “I’m driving ,” Kara pouted. “I’m joking, but seriously though Eliza is going to love you. She’s a scientist, works with your mom actually.”

“I know that, and I think I’ve met her when I was a kid, but I’m just worried.”

“You’ve got nothing to worry about,” Kara smiles at her. “You’re a very lovable person. She’s going to love you, and besides, Alex and Nia and basically half the team will visit in a few days, so she’ll be busy dealing with the amount of stupidity that will invade her home.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive,” Kara smiles as she pulls to a stop just on the skirts of town. “I love you, and Eliza will, too. I think she already does love you just because of Alex, she used to never shut up about you.”

“Jealous?” Lena arches her eyebrow, Kara just rolls her eyes and cups her face, pulling her closer for a kiss. “I love you, too,” Lena whispers with a smile when they pull away.

The rest of the ride is spent with comfortable silence, the low hum of the music coming from the speakers is mostly lost to the sounds of nature, Kara loves driving Lena around, she’s really glad Lena didn’t get the chance to get her drivers’ license yet. It might sound stupid, or unusual, but the quiet moments they spend together in the safety of her car make the craziness of the outside world, of Lena’s world seem far away, as if once they close the doors they can’t be touched. Lena can let her guard down and laugh and sing and do stupid faces and Kara will try her best to stay focused on the road even though she’ll spend half the drive stealing glances and thank her lucky stars she couldn’t find a place to stay in when she first moved to London.

“We’re here,” Kara announces when she pulls to a stop in front of a three-story house. Lena swallows as she notices a woman standing by the front door. “You good?”

“Yeah,” Lena breathes out, bites her lower lip. “It’s now or never, I guess.”

“Trust me?” Kara asks, squeezing Lena’s hand, Lena takes a deep breath and nods. Kara gets out of the car and opens her door for her, offering her hand again. Lena lets her lead the way to Eliza, who has the biggest smile on her face. 

“Kara!” Eliza greets, opening her arms, Kara squeezes Lena’s hand once then lets go to run to Eliza and hug her, Lena watches with a fond smile as Kara lifts Eliza from the ground in her excitement, the older woman laughing as she squeezes her daughter. “I missed you! Oh, you’ve grown so much since the last time I saw you!” Eliza says, pulling back to hold Kara’s face in her hands. “I like the hair, sweetheart.”

“Eliza, I’m already grown up,” Kara groans, shaking her head. “Don’t embarrass me, please ,” she adds softly before pulling back, she smiles at Lena, hoping to ease her nerves and reassure her. “There’s someone I’d like you to officially meet,” Kara says, running down the steps to lead Lena closer. “Eliza, this is Lena.”

“Hello, Lena,” Eliza smiles warmly at her. “I’m not sure you remember me, but you’ve definitely grown so much since the last time I saw you.”

“Hi, Eliza,” Lena says, shaking her hand. “It’s so nice to meet you again.”

“I’ll go get the bags,” Kara says, she kisses Lena’s cheek and runs to the car to get their bags, but she watches for a moment as Eliza leads Lena inside the house, watches how shy Lena is. She knows her girlfriend is so worried that she won’t make a good impression, but the thing is, Eliza loves her already. As kids, Kara distinctly remembers Eliza being infatuated with her, how Lena has always been her favourite out of all of her friends’ kids. Kara would bet that Eliza thinks of her as one of her daughters as well.

“How about you put the bags in the guests’ bedroom?” Eliza says when Kara walks in. She and Lena are sitting down in the living room, both of them holding mugs of coffee. “It’s bigger than your room.”

“Okay,” Kara nods, she catches Lena’s eyes, who offers her a soft smile, Kara nods and makes her way upstairs. She puts their bags down and runs to her old bedroom, she ignores Alex’s side of the room and looks around for anything embarrassing, for instance, her middle school yearbook, or her very decidedly not cool collection of bakugan toys. She wants this trip to make Lena like her more, not have something she could use to make fun of her. Kara hides them under her bed, before she makes her way downstairs.

“So, Kara decides to lift herself up to adjust her jeans, causing her leg to press harder on the gas pedal,” Eliza’s saying, and Kara’s face pales immediately, she remembers this story all too well. “And Alex and I yell at her because she let go of the wheel and almost caused us to crash into one of the big trash cans down the street,” Eliza says, and Lena’s face is red from laughter, Kara groans as she sits down next to Lena.

“That wasn’t my fault,” Kara says, pouting. “I told you guys I can’t multitask and you were filming me!”

“Why were you wearing loose jeans anyway?” Eliza asks, and Lena laughs harder, Kara glares at them both. “If it weren’t for those jeans being almost down to your knees, none of that could’ve happened.”

“They were cool back then!” Kara defends, crossing her arms. “And I was just learning to drive, no one told me I had to keep my hands on the wheel all the time.”

“To be fair, darling, I can’t even drive and I know this,” Lena offers, her face flushed, one of her eyebrows raised. Kara just groans, throwing her head back.

“Why don’t we tell embarrassing Alex stories instead?” Kara offers. “Why does it have to be me?”

“Because you’re my girlfriend,” Lena offers with a sweet smile, Kara immediately smiles at the reminder. “And because Alex is not here and that’d be mean.”

“I’ll get started on lunch,” Eliza announces with a smile. She kisses the top of Kara’s head, then the top of Lena’s. “Kara, be a dear and show Lena around the house.”

“Don’t you need help with lunch?” Lena asks. “I’m an excellent cook.”

“Oh, not today,” Eliza smiles at her. “Thank you, sweetheart, but today you’re my guest and you’ll be treated as such.”

Kara jumps from the couch and offers Lena her hand, pulling her up. She holds her hand as she shows her around the house, dreading the moment they’re going to step into the room she shared with Alex.

“I know which side is yours,” Lena taunts, guessing correctly. Kara just rolls her eyes and falls on her bed, watches as Lena walks around her side of the room, looking at her posters and books. “I can’t believe you were a nerd.”

“A secret nerd,” Kara scoffs. “I had a reputation at school that I’d still very much like to maintain.”

“Gosh, Kara, were you one of those emo kids?”

“No! I was a jock, Lena,” Kara says, crossing her arms under her head. Lena stops for a moment as she looks at her biceps, she swallows then turns back to the posters. Kara smirks, proud of herself. “See something you like?”

“Very much so,” Lena says, smirking as she pulls a photo of a very young Kara. She had bangs back then, her face round. Her and Alex were scowling, they weren’t exactly friends in this one, but Jeremiah is standing between them with the biggest smile on his face, an even bigger fish held in his hands as a prize. “You were so adorable.”

“I remember that day,” Kara recalls fondly. “Jeremiah took us fishing, and Alex brought the wrong bait and blamed it on me, and then we started fighting and we both fell in the lake, Jeremiah laughed at us and then he helped us, the entire trip he’d crack jokes and Alex and I were just glaring at him when we weren’t glaring at each other,” Kara jumps from her bed to get a closer look. “He caught the biggest fish he’d ever caught that day, and ever since he always took us with him, said we’re his lucky charm.”

“He sounds so sweet,” Lena says softly, and Kara nods. She kisses Lena’s temple before she smiles at her.

“He was,” Kara said. “I was going through a hard time, trying to adjust to a new home filled with strangers, but he was always kind to me, he made me feel welcomed, you know? Like I wasn’t a burden he had to carry.”

“It must’ve been nice,” Lena says, she puts the picture on Kara’s desk and holds her face gently. Kara, for some reason, can’t meet her eyes. “You’re never a burden to me, you know that, don’t you, darling?”

“Yeah,” Kara smiles, she kisses the inside of each of Lena’s palms. “I guess it just feels strange that you’re here.”

“Strange?”

“Good kind of strange,” Kara murmurs, she closes her eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath. Lena’s scent is familiar and comforting. “Like I never thought we’d be here, but I’m so glad we are, you know?”

“Yeah, I know,” Lena smiles, her dimples showing, her eyes wide and earnest and Kara, in this moment, knows for sure that she’ll follow her to the ends of the earth. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

It’s simple, really. How these three words slip out, so easily and unguarded. Kara remembers a time where it was hard to picture these words, how strange they sounded when they’d first fallen from her lips. She hasn’t said those words ever since she lost her parents, for so long she went without saying them that she forgot how they sounded, how they felt leaving her mouth. But now, with Lena, it’s easy. As easy as breathing or blinking, she’d be looking at her do something simple, drink some water or brush her hair, and Kara would think that she loves her, and she’d say it, and Lena would smile that brilliant smile of hers and she’d say it back and Kara would feel like she could fly. Like she could conquer the world as long as Lena keeps saying it back, as long as she keeps smiling at her.

Kara offers her hand to lead Lena out of the minefield that is her childhood room and go to the guests’ room instead, she was never a person that wanted to be held, she hated it even. But she craves Lena’s touch, craves her love. And Lena offers it so freely to her, like she has an endless supply of it, and Kara wants to take and take and take, and she wants to give, to be there when Lena’s running low, when the world is cruel and unjust, she wants to be there for her, wants to make her feel like she’s home, like she’s always safe with her no matter what.

Lena falls into the bed face first, and Kara chuckles, she kneels by her feet to take her shoes off, a weak protest leaving Lena’s mouth.

“I’m not cruel, I’ll keep your socks on,” Kara laughs, she drops Lena’s shoes, and when Lena’s noise of disapproval reaches, Kara rolls her eyes and takes off her own shoes, before putting them all neatly by the door. “Have enough room for me?”

“Always,” Lena smiles, lifting her head and scooting a little for Kara, who crawls and lays down beside her. Lena opens her arms and Kara gladly falls forward, burying her face in her neck and breathing her in. “Missed you.”

“Me too,” Kara mumbles into her neck. She sighs, closing her eyes for a moment. She could hear the faint sounds of the ocean, could hear Lena’s heartbeat, Kara feels like she’s home now, like Midvale is finally home.

“When you think of the future, what do you see?” Kara asks, because she can’t ask her the other question, not yet anyway.

“I don’t know,” Lena says, then she takes a deep breath. “I guess- I see us, somewhere quiet, far away from the rest of the world, just us and Krypto.”

“Yeah?” Kara asks, and swallows. Marry me , she thinks. “Anyplace specific?”

“No,” Lena laughs. “Anywhere with you would be perfect, I think.”

“Good,” Kara says, she turns them around so she’s on top of Lena now, she leans down and kisses her, then pulls away. “‘Cause you’re not gonna get rid of me ever again,” she says without a thought, nosing her cheek. But she feels the moment Lena freezes underneath her, and fuck . “Sorry I-”

“It’s alright,” Lena’s hands are gentle as they hold her face. “ I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t apologise,” Kara says, she lifts one hand to tuck a strand of Lena’s hair behind her ear. “You’ve done plenty of that. I forgive you, Lena. I forgave you a long time ago. Now, we’re here and we’re going to enjoy Eliza’s cooking, and if you’re not tired we can go for a swim or I can show you around town.”

“Okay,” Lena’s smile in that moment could outshine a thousand suns, Kara feels her heart growing in size as she looks at it. She leans down and kisses her, soft and slow, like they have all the time in the world, and maybe, for the first time ever, they do.