Chapter Text
*Zeus created the group chat*
*Zeus added Hera, Poseidon, Persephone, Athena, Ares, Hermes, Hephaestus, Aphrodite, Apollo, Artemis, Hestia, Demeter, Dionysus, Europa, Semele, Metis, Danaë, Leto, Mnemosyne, Calisto, Io, Themis, Dione, Alcmene, +15 more
Hera: why are you adding all of these other women
Zeus: their gods too Hera, I’m not gonna flirt with them. for now
Hera: pardon me?
Zeus: sorry that was a typo. I meant to say… not now
Hera: well why isn’t hades in here?
Zeus: um, i don't think he gets connection from down there
*Hera has added hades*
Hera: you were saying?
Hades: hi everyone I’m putting this chat on mute because you’re all annoying
Apollo: can y’all stop blowing up my phone? I’m trying to drive
Artemis: just mute the chat idiot
Apollo: ok ok sheesh
*Hephaestus has started a FaceTime call*
*Hephaestus has ended FaceTime call*
Aphrodite: what was that about
Hephaestus: it was an accident, jeez you’re sounding like my mother.
Hera: um, excUSE ME
*Hephaestus has been kicked from the chat*
*BadboySupreme has joined the chat*
Hermes: Hephaestus?
BadboySupreme: nah close tho
Apollo: get out of our fucking chat Valdez
BadboySupreme: *le gasp* Zeus he said a bad language word
Persophone: was that an avengers age of ultron reference?
BadboySupreme: damn straight
Zeus: oh my Zeus
*BadboySupreme has been kicked from the chat*
Hermes: what'd ya do that for? Things were finally getting interesting
Zeus: i will not have a mortal in this chat
Hera: but what about all those mortal women you added
*Zeus is typing*
*Zeus has left the group chat*
Hera: figures
Dionysus: holy me why are there so many new notifications
Apollo: welcome to the club
Dionysus: …
Dionysus: i dont have enough wine for this
Ares: HEY GUYS WHATD I MISS
Athena: Oh my gods. Ares you put caps lock on again.
Ares: HUH
Athena: Just press that button with the arrow on it.
Ares: OK
Ares: UM ITS NOT WORKING
Ares: WHAT DO I DO NOW
Ares: HOLD ON IS this it?
Ares: hey look its fixed
Athena: Good job.
Ares: is that sarcasm? it's hard to tell in a chat
Athena: No, that's me being sincere. Of course it's sarcasm.
Demter: wtf why are there so many mortal women in this chat?
Hera: ask Zeus
Demeter: cant he just be faithful for once?
Hera: no thats not how they're programed
Poseidon: are you lumping me in with him?
Hera: yes
Demeter: yes
Hades: even I'm a better guy than you people
Poseidon: well well, look who's back
Apollo: so much for muting the chat
Hades: only like 40 people died today. It's been a slow day
Hestia: Fair enough
Artemis: apollo arent you supposed to be driving rn?
Apollo: um, I'm at a red light
Artemis: *sigh*
Aphrodite: omg u guys i just got the cutest new dress 🤩😇💗👗😊😍😍😍
Poseidon: Aphrodite whats up with all the emojis?
Aphrodite: they're just so cute arent they? 💖💗💖💞💓💕❤😻😍😍
Ares: you're so cute 😘
*Hephaestus has hacked his way into the group chat*
Hephaestus: OH MY GODS ARE YOU SERIOUSLY FLIRTING WITH MY WIFE RIGHT NOW?!?
Ares: looks like someone else doesn't know how to turn off caps lock
Hephaestus: YES I DO!! IM DOING THIS ON PURPOSE!
Ares: ok dude take a massive chill pill
Hephaestus: I REFUSE TO TAKE ANY PILLS!!
Hera: Hephaestus? I thought I banned you for bad-mouthing your mother, didn't I young man??
Hephaestus: um… um… um…
*Hephaestus has left the chat*
Hera: like father like son
Ares: what a hothead
Hera: Ares! Be nice
Ares: what else am I supposed to call him? He's the god of volcanoes. hes literally a hothead
Hera: …
Hera: good point
Poseidon: YOOOOO there's a trident emoji! 🔱🌊
Demeter: you just realized that?
Artemis: ooh cool there's bows and arrows too 🏹🏹
Apollo: nice nice nice but check this out…
Apollo: 🎶🎵🪕🎼🎸🎹🎷🥁🎻🎺🎙
Apollo: BAM! Music. Is. Superior.