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You still have the letter your sister left behind. It's all crumpled and messed up from the many times you've read it and cried over it, but you've run out of tears by now. You've run out of pain. There's nothing but a cold rage inside you, just enough to keep you going. Not enough to make you waste your life in revenge. You've tried. He just laughed in your face and bound your left hand in a metallic glove. The sign of your slavery.
"Hideki-san called for you, Y/N!" a panicked Marine goon tells you, pretty much invading your home to drag you away before you can even get some shoes on. Not like you have a choice. Sometimes it feels like you never did.
The Marine captain on this island rules with an iron fist, almost worse than pirates. The locals claim that at least he's the evil they know, but that brings you no comfort. He's evil. He needs to go. That's all there is to it.
"Heal me."
You don't have a choice, even after what he did to your sister. He threatened to kill more people and even you if you disobey. You can't change anything and you feel absolutely powerless, but it's a constant feeling these days. You'd give your life if you could drag him down with you, but even that wouldn't be enough. You're weak. You couldn't even put a scratch on him and now you're his slave. You're pathetic. He's aware of your hatred, but it's just a joke to him. You're nothing more than a tool.
One day you'll be his downfall. You don't know when, but it will come. One day, you'll tear him off his throne and make him grovel. You'll see his prideful face contorting with pain. You'll destroy his throne. You'll-
"Get that defiant look off your face, Y/N-chan," he tells you. "Your power belongs to me."
He chuckles as you heal his wounds, then lets you go. You feel sick to your stomach. You can't do anything. You've tried. He's faster and stronger than you. Your struggle is just a pathetic joke to him. You're weak. Insignificant in the grand scheme of things.
You refuse to die before he does.
You drown your sorrows into a bottle of sake at the bar in the port, the worst place on this island. If you're unlucky, a pirate will kill you and end your miserable existence, but you barely care. Maybe you can haunt your tormentor as a ghost. You hate your life. You feel like a fucking rat. You're powerless. Your sister is dead because of that monster and you're his slave now. Pathetic.
"Any doctors around here? We'll pay well," the fellow next to you asks the bartender.
You sigh and turn towards him. Blond. Tall. Muscular. Long hair. Mask? Whatever.
"Wounds or sickness?" you ask him before emptying your bottle.
He sizes you up while the bartender pales.
"Y/N, you know Hideki-san-"
"I don't care. Wounds or sickness?" you repeat, dismissing the man who's seen you at your worst and even carried you home in the past.
"Wounds," tall and blond replies quietly.
You jump down from your seat, not minding your bare feet.
"Lead the way. I'm all you can need."
The bartender gives another weak protest at how you're not supposed to help pirates, but you shrug him off. He could keep pressing, but he understands. You don't have anything left to lose at this point. Hideki wouldn't kill you over something like this.
You know this ship, though you can't remember the name. You've seen it in the newspaper a few times. You know what that means. This is a big deal. Some strong rookie maybe, cuz you'd recognise a Yonko right away. Still, someone who made the front page a few times.
The seed of a plan forms in the back of your mind.
"We'll discuss your payment when you're finished," the man tells you.
"Agreed."
Your face doesn't say much these days, so he can't tell whether you're afraid. You're not. Nothing to lose. There's a twisted honor among pirates, so your odds of getting killed by them are low. If Hideki finds out you helped them, you're probably going to get punished, but again, there isn't much he can do that's worse than the past. There's nothing to gain from this, other than some money. But you don't care. You just can't care about what happens to you anymore.
He leads you somewhere inside the ship, to the apparent infirmary where their captain is lying on a bed. You recognise him at least.
"You're the Kid Pirates," you say, squinting at the blond who led you here. "You're Killer." Can't believe you missed that. You really need to be more aware of your surroundings.
"Does that change anything?" he asks.
"The price, maybe," you offer with a shrug, but don't elaborate yet.
"I'll show you around-"
"No need. I'm a devil fruit user. I can heal any wounds," you explain, approaching the unconscious man. "Did you give him drugs?"
"Yes."
"That's inconvenient... but I'll wake him up when I'm done."
You pull a chair to the side of the medical bed and sit down, then touch the bare arm of the unconscious man with your right hand. Your power only works with skin to skin contact. You whistle, impressed. This is gonna hurt like a bitch.
"The slash is deep, several broken ribs, some internal damage..." you list off. "Bring me some water and food for when I'm finished."
Killer gives the order to some underling while you get started, eager to be finished. You've just done this for someone you hate. At least you feel neutral about these guys. Big shots messed with some other big shot, not your problem. Their gold will make its way into your pockets. Or maybe...
Your face doesn't betray anything when you absorb his wounds. There's a soft crack when his bones move back to their place and knit back. The muscles are quiet, but the skin makes a weird leathery sound when yours tears open. This one took a lot more damage than Hideki. You ignore your own bleeding, checking over your patient one last time before you draw out some of his sedative, making you drowsy. At least it numbs the pain and he's probably still going to be dizzy enough that he wouldn't blow his fuse (which he's famous for). Can't do anything for his missing arm, but you give it a shot. Your own starts feeling numb, but there's no progress for him so you stop.
"Nani? What did you do?" Killer asks, readying some bandages when he sees the blood soaking your clothes. Your devil fruit came with an inhuman healing on your part, so you're not too worried. This will pass in a few days.
"The fuck happened?" Kid snaps, though his movements are sluggish as he sits up to glare at you. You've made the right choice to leave him at least somewhat sedated.
"I am a healer. I took your wounds on my body, but I'll heal faster than you would. I'm fine," you tell the blond, lifting a hand to stop him as he approaches with the gauze. Your shirt is already fucked and the bleeding should stop soon enough. You hold your heavy head, resting your elbow on the medical bed. "Did you give him horse tranquillisers?"
"Almost. Kid's... well, resistant to most substances."
"D's usually are," you mutter.
"Feel free to rest for as long as you need," Killer tells you. "As soon as you're well enough, we can sort out the amount of gold you-"
"How do you feel about a different payment method?" you mutter through a yawn. You're metabolising the sedative and the alcohol in your system, but it's slow as fuck and you took less than half. Did they sedate him or try to kill him?
"Such as?" Kid asks.
"You kill the Marine captain in this village and we call it even. Hell, if you manage to do it without any civilian casualties, you can consider me in your debt for life," you explain evenly.
"Nani?" both men ask, shocked.
You don't talk, just trying to regain your senses. It's quiet for a few minutes.
"Are you sure?" Killer asks. "Is it that Hideki the barman was talking about?"
You just give a weak nod.
"I'm sure it wouldn't be a challenge for a Supernova."
Kid is busy patting his body.
"You say you'd join us if I do that?"
"Kid, wait a minute-"
The captain stands up and rips off his bandages, glaring at his torso.
"Not even a fucking scar. And she even offered, can't find a better deal than this." He seems excited.
"I don't do diseases," you tell him just to be honest.
Sailing with pirates? What an interesting offer?
"That's fine, we'll get a second doctor too. We're a big crew." The redhead seems to have already made up his mind.
"Kid-"
"So, where's this bastard?"
You tell him exactly, but Killer convinces him to enact the plan the following day (which gives them time to make one). You reluctantly accept that.
"What did he do to you, anyway?" the hothead asks, still checking himself.
"He killed my sister," you say quietly. You can keep a straight face, but your voice is a different story. "I don't have anyone else here. I don't want to forgive him and I can't move on. I just want revenge."
"I'll give you your revenge," Kid promises, looking up to meet your eyes, "and you'll sail with us as our doctor."
"Very well."
Killer manages to wordlessly convey his doubt about the whole affair despite his mask.
The next day, you're doing your shopping in the city center all day, hoping to get to see the whole thing. You haven't gone back to the pirate ship. You didn't see the point. They are still here, so if they decide to pay you in money (or not pay at all now that you think about it), they can still do that. Maybe you should've taken the money after all. Cash in while it's fresh.
Apparently, there is some honour among pirates, because they crash the Marine HQ around noon. The fight doesn't take long, the rookies crushing whatever pathetic opposition the marines put out.
Someone dramatically kicks/punches Hideki out through a wall. It's Kid. The redhead forms a huge cross of metal scraps, pinning Hideki in it. Well. That's a nice view. Too bad you can't take a picture.
You expect Kid to just do something gruesome to Hideki right then and there. The metal cross can probably bend or he can get some stuff to impale him with... you're not picky at this point. Long winded fantasies are out of the picture. You aren't getting a cold revenge, but you get to see him die and that's good enough.
Then a metal ramp forms in front of you. Curious, you step on it, not even surprised when it smoothly flies you up to the cross.
"I promised you revenge," Kid tells you. "And I always do my best for my crew."
You're getting your revenge.
Your eyes widen when you realise he's put a sword next to your right hand.
"Y/N, did you do this? Did you team up with pirates of all things?" Hideki asks, unable to believe his eyes.
You lift your left hand in the air and glance at Kid expectantly. He seems to get the idea, eyes narrowing. The glove snaps off and falls down. You're free. You wiggle your fingers a bit. It's been a while since you've had free use of this hand.
"Y/N!" Hideki screams, knowing what will follow. "What would your sister think?"
You only touch his chin with the fingertips of your left hand.
"Well, wouldn't I like to know?" you whisper menacingly, your powers working in reverse on this hand. Wounds start forming on his body, but you're in no hurry. You can be quick, like you were yesterday healing Kid, or you can draw it out, all the wounds you've healed in the past few weeks bleeding out of you into his body. "But she ain't here. Can't ask her." You add Kid's previous wounds for extra flavour. Stuff that's enough to knock out a D can kill a normal man. "I'll make sure you'll soon be able to ask her yourself."
He probably can't hear you through all the screaming he's doing. Can't even go out with dignity. What a fucking rat of a man.
"Four broken ribs, a deep slash, detached muscles," you list off casually, "and I didn't even flinch. Yet here you are, wailing like a bitch."
You've had enough and while it brings some satisfaction, it's not the happy ending you've hoped for. Your sister isn't coming back because of this. Still, it feels good enough.
You give everything else in one burst, killing him instantly. You take in the look on his face and the blood pouring out of his mangled corpse as you step back. It's over. It's done.
The metal ramps you and your captain were occupying descend, while Hideki's cross stays upright, like a reminder. You hear Kid bark orders to gather his men while one of your acquaintances approaches you, berating you for this deal you've clearly made.
"How could you strike a deal with pirates of all people?"
"Did they kill any civilians?" you ask.
"No, just a couple of marines- hey! Where are you going?"
Motherfuckers actually did this without unnecessary bloodshed. Impressive.
"To fulfill my part of the deal."
Everyone stares at you as you head to the port. Your crew is waiting.
You watch your island become tinier and tinier as men rush around you to man the ship and fulfill the (very loud) orders their captain gives. You don't know what you're feeling. You've had your revenge. There's nothing left for you there. No point in staying. Perhaps seeing the world will do you good, even if you leave bloodshed in your wake. The thought doesn't bother you. You've seen people you care about getting hurt. You've seen your parents and sister die, your few friends getting tortured, which is why you decided to stop making any. Couldn't give Hideki more ammo. Strangers will definitely affect you less.
"So what's the full deal with you?" the captain asks, leaning against the side of the ship next to you.
A bit late, in your opinion, but you're also pretty sure he can squish you like a bug and you've already promised to behave, so you must be pretty low on his list of priorities.
"My right hand heals by storing my patient's wounds in my body. My left hand gives them back to a random target," you explain.
"There a limit?"
"Hmm?"
"To how much you can store."
"Yes. Past a certain threshold the wounds I absorb simply stop healing and unless I unload onto a target I probably die." You eye him warily. "Hideki took care to let me hurt some of his prisoners so I would still be of use."
Kid scoffs.
"That's your problem, whether you want to fight or not. I just need you to heal us. I don't care who you take it out on, just not the crew."
"I'm not particularly fond of using random innocents, so if you ever decide to take some prisoners or need a new torture method, I'd greatly appreciate it if you let me know," you add drily.
"Noted."
He calls a woman over to get you settled and leaves you alone. Well, you hadn't expected much.
A few months later, while you're panting and healing Kid and Law alternatively as they keep fighting Big Mom, you'll see his eyes widen and how he rips his arm from your grip.
"Find someone to hit!"
"I'm fine, I can-" you easily dismiss.
"That's a fucking order. Your hair is white!"
Ah, you haven't noticed that. Law's eyes widen when they land on you and you stumble to your feet, the dizziness catching up. Right, you've been absorbing both their wounds and while it's nothing lethal yet, you are very battered by now.
"Shambles."
"What-?"
You land on top of a dinosaur lady who seems to be chasing the Strawhats, so she's a decent target. You almost feel bad for killing her.
The orange haired woman stares at you in horror as you dust your hands off, frowning. You doubt Law actually gave any thought to pulling you back up.
"I should be getting back to the roof..."
"W-who a-are y-y-you?" a man with a ridiculous weapon asks you, trembling.
"I'm a Kid pirate," you tell them, establishing allegiance. They visibly relax. "I should get back up to help. I'm a healer."
"Nami, she's the Angel of Death!"
You're low-key pissed about the ridiculous nickname, but your crewmates seem to believe it fits you. The Strawhats stare at you in wonder.
"Yeah..."
You end up healing all your allies on your way up.
"If you truly believe that Strawhat can win, I will find him," you tell your captain.
You can heal wounds, but exhaustion is an entirely different thing and both captains have it in spades. A nap would help more than you could at this point.
"I can't hear his voice anymore," Kid admits.
That means he's dead. Only a mild inconvenience for your abilities. You pledged your life to your captain's dream. You haven't seen much value to it in years. You don't mind sacrificing it for an ally of his.
"You just need to give the order," you say, staring at your captain with a serious look on your face. "And maybe tell me where to find him."
"Nani?"
One thing about being a pirate captain is that sometimes you gotta have the balls to order people to die. Your poor captain wasn't even aware of this possibility until now.
"So there is such a devil fruit," the Surgeon of Death mutters.
"Clearly."
"Find him, then," Kid says. Only took him like 30 seconds. "I can hear his voice again, but I'm sure he could use your help."
"Very well."
"And when this is all over, we gotta talk about your abilities."
You force a smile, not liking that tone.
"As you wish."
The fight is decided by the time you reach Luffy.
"So."
You stare at your captain, looking up from the meat you were cutting. Killer hums a question from the stove. You've been at sea for only a day or so after leaving Wano, so you can't figure out what Kid wants from you.
"Talk. You awakened your devil fruit?"
You shrug. It's not exactly a big secret and they are both your superiors.
"Yes. I have the ability to revive the dead." One dead, to be precise.
Killer stops whatever he was doing and turns towards you. Kid doesn't even blink.
"The only limitation is that there has to be a body in reasonable condition for me to heal," you explain. Aka not in pieces or rotten.
"What is... the cost of that?" Killer asks.
"What do you expect it to be?"
"Your life," Kid says slowly. "You asked me to give the order for you to kill yourself for that dumbass."
You shrug, continuing where you were chopping vegetables. The two men are shocked.
"I told you before," you say casually. "That's not a price I'm unwilling to pay."
Death isn't something you fear. You've had your revenge and maybe you'd get to see your sister again in the afterworld. If, by any chance, you don't end up in Hell.
"Talk to me. Just talk to me, sis."
"You really hated that guy," Killer deduces. He sounds deeply disturbed.
You just shrug, keeping your body language minimal.
"You monster!"
"I did. He took everything away from me."
Your sister. Your friends. Your power. Would've taken your life too if he didn't find you useful. You're surprised he didn't try to rape you too.
"Your power is mine, Y/N. You do well to remember that."
"I have nothing left to lose!"
"You have a whole village to lose."
"How come you didn't revive your sister?"
You don't know which one of them asked this question, but it doesn't really matter.
"She jumped in the sea during a storm. We never found her body."
"You said-"
"Kid," Killer warns.
He's the smarter of them, you've noticed. You send a grateful smile his way even as you're sinking. You barely hear the door slam shut as your captain flees the scene.
You spend the whole day dissociating, stuck between memories and the present. Nothing makes sense anymore and you're starting to question your life choices. Would your sister approve of what you're doing? Is she watching from Heaven? You remember her kind heart and the smile which lit up the whole room. You remember your mother's funeral and how you clung to your sister, younger but stronger than you. Like a rock.
So when someone hands you sake, you down it. And the next one. And the next one. And the however many afterwards.
You don't know the exact flow of events following that. You remember some of the games you played and the songs you listened to, but there's a glitch somewhere, because you sure as hell don't remember how you ended up in your captain's quarters, riding him like no tomorrow. You can't even be sure it was the captain you were riding (though it was later confirmed), but you do remember the feeling of being alive flowing through your body. You haven't touched anyone in years and your body lit up in pleasure, kicking all the bad thoughts away.
You remember waking up in the middle of the night with a heavy arm clinging to you. You don't recognise the room and your body immediately tenses.
"You awake?" Kid whispers, half asleep.
The familiar voice does relax you even as you realise what happened.
"And unfortunately sober."
He grunts in annoyance and shifts to his side to face you. Kid doesn't beat around the bush or offer his own thoughts on what you two did.
"Do you regret it?"
That's sweet of him to ask.
"No, I can honestly do much worse."
Kid laughs, but doesn't deny it.
"Also it's been a while, so I suppose I needed to unwind a little."
You roll to your back, still torn. This was a bad idea for many reasons, but you can't find it in yourself to be sorry about it. You're pirates in the end, who the hell dictates how you live your lives? In fact...
"Where do I sign up for a subscription?" you decide.
The bed shakes with his laughter. This doesn't have to be a mistake if neither of you treats it as such, you figure.
Things don't change much. You're not dating, there's no affection. You're not special, just another crewmate who happens to occasionally end up in the captain's bed. The crew knows, but they're decent about keeping their noses out of your business. There's no teasing, but the girls admit that everyone knows. Well, it's not like you're treated differently. You get advised not to get your hopes up and let your feelings get the best of you, but you doubt that will be the case. Love is a silly thing reserved for happy people. You don't think you're capable of that anymore.
But you do find intimacy.
"My sister was raped," you tell him one night.
There's something about sex and lying there naked that makes your tongue loosen up. That makes you feel like you can be vulnerable and understood. It's silly, because you figure he's not the only one who can offer that (or even remotely the most empathetic person aboard the Victoria Punk), but it seems to make a difference for you.
Kid says nothing, but you've probably ruined the mood already. You can't face him, so you look at the ceiling. There's a lot of metal in his room, on the Victoria Punk in general. Certainly more than on most ships. Here, you can see metallic frames holding the room together and your eyes trace them.
"That took her smile away. She was the sun in my life, my baby sister who could do no wrong. I would've done anything for her. Anything to keep her happy. No questions asked. She was my rock when I needed her... but I wasn't there when she needed me," you admit.
"Hey, it wasn't your fault some jackass- oh."
Some jackass.
"Mhm-hmm. I didn't try to avenge her right away. I just tried to be there for her, keep her out of his sight. I tried to be the better person." There's a dent in the wall. Did he punch a hole in the wall of his room? Probably at some point. Why didn't he fix it though? It looks old. "Bastard got her pregnant."
Kid chooses silence, letting you say your piece. Wise choice.
"I went to confront him. Thought I was hot stuff cuz I had a devil fruit, but I was wrong. He was faster and stronger and-" You take a deep breath in. "He put that shitty glove on me. Told me he owned my ass and I should be happy to serve him." Tears cloud your vision as you lift your left hand to stare at it. You've got a tan by now, but it was a lot paler than the rest of your body when you first boarded the Victoria Punk. Around your upper arms, the tan lines where your daily clothes end are obvious. "I came home to an empty house and a note. She couldn't bear that monster's child."
You don't add anything to that, your own screams echoing in your ears. You searched for her the whole island. You've cried that day until your throat went hoarse, until you couldn't breathe and you passed out from exhaustion, hugging her note close.
"I couldn't kill him myself. I was just waiting to find someone who could."
Kid sighs and pulls you into his arms. You don't think he understands how empty getting your revenge left you. How you just didn't have any drive left. You take the gesture for what it is and accept the comfort, pressing your face into his neck.
"Now I'm kinda pissed you didn't make the fucker suffer more."
You chuckle through your tears.
"Having him know that I was the one responsible for his downfall was enough."
Kid mutters a doubt, but doesn't push it.
You're never going to heal, you know that. It's never going to be alright. But you can feel small pieces of yourself gluing back together every time you win a fight, every time you drink with your crewmates, every time you wake up in your captain's bed, every time you all mess around with each other, every time you go shopping with the girls. Maybe you'll even enjoy life one day. You know you're halfway there when House finds a few rookies peeping into your room and kicks their asses, which makes you laugh. The whole ship seems to freeze at the sound, but you understand. You'll have to do it more often.
Maybe you can even be happy, you think one day when Kid kisses you in front of everyone.
Your sister would've wanted that for you.